#if you respond with some sort of negativity to this I am breaking into your house and stealing your hamster

[possessedopossum]

The Veilguard: my full review [positive, long post, less about game mechanics and more about meta, spoilers]

The thing that makes Veilguard special to me is how self aware the game is. In every dialogue, plot twist or quest I can feel the presence of somebody who wanted to share something with me. Be it personal experience, message, pain or joy. As of 2024, many games have lost their creative spark. Video game industry is no longer a nerd only zone, it's a business no different than others. Many studios utilize AI to write their plots, chase after current trends or simply make decisions that would create the biggest audience possible at the expense of something people love the franchise for. Veilguard did well, because it showed me something I haven't seen in a very long time: the human soul.

Perhaps you have noticed it on your own. The world has gone completely nuts after the covid. Or maybe it has always been this way and I only noticed it now. It is not a surprise to me that players want their game to be darker, to have more aggressive dialogue and to have a morally grey or even evil protagonist. For the past few years I've been feeling like someone had turned the lights off. And the game gave me an impression that someone at bioware feels this way too.

Only negativity gives content creators views and money these days. Open any social media, read any post or watch any video. If something is on top, it's almost always a hate post. What was the last movie most reviewers enjoyed? The last game? Perhaps the one that was released 10 years ago? What was the last time, you, my dear reader, have smiled? Not bitterly or sardonically, but out of genuine joy?

It is extremely fitting that Rook's mentor figure is Varric. Varric is somebody who always sees the best in people. He grew up in one hell of a city but he still loves it. He can find something to laugh about no matter how dire the situation is. He is a people person who can build friendship with anybody. Varric is very charismatic and tends to avoid conflict. He is a chronic liar but that doesn't make him bad because he never lies with malicious intentions. And in some ways, Rook is similar to him.

Yes, Rook can't be a complete asshole. Because the game is not about being an asshole. One of our antagonists, Solas, considers the world to be sick. Modern Thedas is a grave mistake that haunts him. He can't forget and move on because even the elves themselves wear his mistakes on their faces. Many things that are normal to the player character aren't normal to Solas. The world is so wrong and disgusting to Solas that he is willing to sacrifice things and people who are dear to him just to make the twisted world better.

Rook is nice because they are supposed to represent what is good in modern Thedas. They are supposed to be somebody who thinks the world is worth fighting for. And to a certain extent, their factions as well. The crows are contract killers and the lords of fortune are thiefs. Grey wardens are very concerned with politics and all the secrets they refuse to share constantly get people killed. Mourn watch has their immoral power hungry politicians as well and veil jumpers are sometimes willing to trade people for ancient secrets. They all aren't without sin but that's not the point. The point is, even with all the ugliness and darkness, there is still a place for light. And the light in the darkness is the exact message bioware tried to convey. The crows not being comically evil is not bad writing. It is a conscious writing choice to give us a human face for something we consider ugly and not worth fighting for. The player is metaphorically Solas, who needs to be persuaded that the world is worth at least something. The writers didn't need to bare the souls of player factions in all their mistakes, imperfections and cruelty. Because they showed us the factions' humanity. Some cruelty is still there, on the background, but it doesn't overshadow what is good. The crows, no matter how terrible, are a family. Viago may call Rook an idiot and while Rook considers their training literal torture, they sure love Viago back.

In fact, familial love is one of the core themes of the Veilguard. We have Emmrich and Manfred, Davrin and Assan and uncle Endrin, Lucanis and Caterina and Illario, Taash and Shathann, Bellara and Cyrian. It's a bit less direct with Neve and Harding. Neve has a lot of love for her city which is almost like a person to her, and Harding...I'll explain with a quote. "You're Lace Harding! You're more than this rage! You believe that the world is beautiful! That people are good! Hold onto it, hold on to who you are!".

Even the evanuris share the theme of family. Rook can compare Elgar'nan and Solas to relatives who can't get along. Elgar'nan calls Ghilan'nain his sister. Both shards of Mythal consider modern elves her children. Different but no less beloved, as Morrigan puts it.

Veilguard shows family without rose-tinted glasses. It shows that sometimes to love your children is to sacrifice something else you love (Lichdom for Emmrich), that parents have their own problems that may harm their children no matter how much parents wish to protect them (Shathann understands she is not the best mother and has complicated relationships with the Qun that harmed Taash), that sometimes parents do not understand their children at all and it's only up to children themselves to close the gap in understanding (Mythal, Solas and Rook), that familial love and desire to protect your family may turn into something ugly (Caterina being cruel to her grandchildren to prepare them for harsh realities of the antivan crows).

There is conflict in Veilguard, of intergenerational nature. Companions and their families, Rook and their faction leader, elves ancient and modern. It's up to the player how to deal with the last one. Humans, dwarves and qunari may not share blood ties with ancient elves but they still live in the world ancient elves created. As Rook, you're allowed to lash out in anger at Mythal and Solas. You can call Mythal guilty of all modern problems and fight her. You can bind Solas to the veil by force, call him asshole and express your frustrations with him multiple times throughout the game. You can also express sympathy and forgive them both. Because forgiving is neither condoning nor condemning, it's understanding and letting go. Being understood and allowed to peacefully let go of his mistakes is the exact thing that Solas needs to change his mind.

I believe that the Veilguard companions are one of the very best I've ever seen in a video game. They may not have as many different fates as for example Alistair has but is goodness measured with the amount of ways a character can be killed? I love the Veilguard crew because they all feel very real. Their personal problems are universal and very close to the player. Taash's story is not about being non-binary. It's about growing up, finding your place in the world, separating from your family and learning to appreciate it despite the mistakes your parents did while parenting you.

It's hard to decide who is my favorite. Taash's story made me cry but so did Harding's and Bellara's. The last scenes of Lucanis romance made me feral. I can't stomach the scene where Davrin and Assan die. The consequences of destruction of Minrathous/Treviso were hard to look at. I felt guilt, and if a game makes me feel something, it's a good game. I laughed, I cried, I was afraid and I felt joy, I was angry, I felt shame, I felt love. The game made me feel alive, I played through Rook's story like it was my own, what not to love about it?

The double blight wreaking havoc in Southern Thedas is sad but beautifully symbolic. Almost like a love letter from a long lost lover, It felt like bioware's meta commentary to me. "Yes, a whole lot of time has passed. We are no longer as young as we used to be, and so are you, not only the player, but our treasured friend as well. We have changed, you have changed and so did the world around us. Gaming and the video game industry are not what they used to be. We will never be able to go back no matter how much we want it because the only path that is left is the path forward. It doesn't mean that we no longer remember our shared past, no. We may not be able to go back but we promise to remember it fondly. We are still capable of creating beauty and the past will serve as a foundation for something new. We still have hope, and so should you".

The Veilguard to me is about nostalgia as well. I don't want to feed my inner Solas who sees the current world as sick. I want to make space for my inner Rook who is hopeful about the world just enought to fight for its future.

[windvexer]

This is in reply to a very long ask, which I would prefer to summarize.

As a young child, Anon and their mother left an abusive situation and moved into a new house.

When they moved, Anon began suffering from severe violent and grotesque intrusive thoughts even though they were a young child with no prior exposure to these things.

In order to cope, Anon shut out these thoughts as much as possible.

When Anon moved out of the house, these intrusive thoughts stopped and never returned.

Now, some years later and coming from a more stable place, Anon believes that these intrusive thoughts had a supernatural source. Not from a haunting spirit, but from the home itself.

Anon finishes the ask with: "So I think shutting out spiritual energy has become so deeply ingrained in me that I just can't get a proper practice going. Aside from getting good at warding to fill that role, I was hoping you had some advice on breaking down that barrier a bit?"

Anon, I hope I've correctly summarized your ask. I'm looking at it now on the other half of the screen to respond to what you wrote.

I am not going to comment on mental health issues. As you've said yourself, this is something you've worked through and doubtless you are very aware of the mental and emotional impact such a life transition could have on a young child.

Since I'm not qualified to speak on mental health or self therapy, let's move forward with the assumption that you did experience something supernatural - that something about the house, or within the house, was causing those thoughts.

It's my experience that the scariness of a supernatural event is often unrelated to how "powerful" that event was.

Many people who experience overwhelming negative spiritual contact tend to set out with the point of view that because these events affected them so strongly, that the event must have been caused by a very powerful force.

When I was in my first apartment, there were old hard water stains in the toilet bowl. My room mate scrubbed and scrubbed all day with zero progress, and declared the bowl to be permanently stained.

I went in and dumped some toilet bowl cleaner in, and the stains came out in about five minutes.

Despite all the work, my room mate had failed to use the necessary cleanser to actually resolve the problem.

It's just the same thing with unwanted spiritual contact. People use the wrong tools for the job, and declare the situation hopeless.

But more likely than not, the people who tell me they are struggling with debilitating spiritual symptoms have never tried any act of magic to resolve them, at all.

And more likely than not, the very first ward they try will resolve it.

Supernatural problems may be very difficult to resolve through mundane means, but they tend to be easy to resolve with supernatural means.

In my experience, a vast majority of people experiencing overwhelming spiritual contact can resolve the problem with basic warding.

I know that you're not in that old house any more, but I want to emphasize that dealing with these sorts of problems is really not as difficult as most people think.

You shouldn't set yourself up to think that it will take months of study to craft a serviceable ward, or banishment, or cleansing. Doubtless you could do all of them right now, if you had a decent recipe book in front of you.

I believe you could probably do this even if it was the first spell you had ever cast.

My first piece of advice is to ward pretty well. If you do not want to deal with surprise spirits popping up, I would recommend a pretty heavy-handed ward that limits most spiritual ingress.

This isn't because lots of spirits are guaranteed to appear, although in my experience it can happen to new practitioners. It's just about creating a safe space where you feel confident exploring the things around you.

A personal protection, such as a protective amulet, is also very helpful. For people really worried about spiritual protections, I recommend two; an "everyday use" amulet, and a very "heavy" protection likened to a suit of armor.

Protections need to be maintained. If you want to be a witch, learning how to monitor, feed, and manage ongoing protections is an important skill for beginners. Working with wards is an excellent way to learn this.

You should learn one method of cleansing and one method of banishing. These can both be more mild, "everyday use" sorts of spells. By this I mean you don't have to go nuclear - again, even very mild magical action goes a long way towards resolving supernatural problems.

I recommend this because it is very helpful as a witch to learn that you can control your environment, and start unlearning helplessness towards the vibes.

Many people who have an affinity towards the supernatural become helpless towards the dreary and damaging fogbanks of deleterious energy that settle around people and places. They become helpless because they don't know how to resolve it; it's just there, and it's something they experience, and that's that.

But you don't need to do that, because you have the tools to correct it.

Begin practicing, as often as you have an opportunity to do so, the art of adjusting the vibes. Teach yourself how to cleanse and revitalize spaces so that it's enjoyable to let your guard down and soak up what's around you.

Unlearn any internalization: "ugh, every time I'm in this room I feel terrible, even though I shouldn't. I don't know what's wrong with me." Begin pushing back. Fix spaces. Protect against unsavory people whom you can't avoid.

This undertaking, by and large, will teach you plenty of magic.

You should consider getting reacquainted with your spiritual senses through energy work, not through contacting gods or spirits.

This really eliminates the worry about contacting "something out there," and lets you focus on just playing about with some energies.

It can be danged useful, too. Learning how to shield - even something as ubiquitous and basic as a sphere of white light - can be significantly helpful towards blocking out unwanted supernatural contact.

Try warding your space for peace of mind, and then practicing some of the common energy work exercises: energy balls, grounding roots, cycling energy through the body and earth, breathing energy in and out, raising shields, channeling energy into objects, centering/reclaiming energy, and so on.

If you'd like to work with spirits, try talking to a tree that gives you really good vibes. Trees are often - but not always - remarkably friendly, especially domesticated trees in urban or suburban areas. They also tend to be more talkative than rocks.

You don't need to leave offerings or set up a contact schedule or anything. But if you feel that you're prepared to start reaching beyond yourself, a tree is a decent guy to start talking to.

Magically speaking, some people really have tapped down their own psychism and connections so much, that it becomes an actual blockage.

If you're trying to do magical or psychic work and you can't shake a weird feeling that something is actually in the way, like a boulder blocking the path, then this is of course a magical boulder and should be addressed through magical means.

You can try three things:

The first is personal cleansing of any sort, but especially done with a focus to remove magical blockages and barriers. Be aware that this may need to be done multiple times over a period of weeks, or longer, to take effect. If multiple cleansings are necessary, this is preferable over intense "lightning strike" cleansings that can rip things open.

The second is to give yourself permission. In your original ask you mention being familiar with shadow work, and so perhaps you are familiar with the idea of granting yourself permission or authority to engage in things, which deep down you are nervous of doing.

The third is to build a shrine that honors your own psychism and your own connections. Almost imagine that you are building a shrine to a lost god, forgotten for so long that he's turned to ash and dust. Burn candles, light incense, and give offerings to your own ability to connect. Lovingly tend to it, and treat it as a wayward spirit who now needs to be called home, nurtured, and restored to its rightful throne.

[golbrocklovely]

That’s exactly what i meant. You voiced it perfectly. I personally do not know how to feel about Malia, but that feeling is only coming from a place of not knowing much about her, because she isn’t really a public person like snc or even Katrina are. She just enjoys her time on social media, but for the most part she is hella private person and hey. I respect that, cause looking how people are on Internet, it makes very much sense to want to protect yourself from them (also your relationship, cause many relationships that were public ones - i mean in a way that they constantly would post eo and their daily lives on socials, eventually would break up). I don’t like her, but i also do not hate her. And if Colby is happy with her or even loves her, then i am happy for them and wish them all the best. I mean it would be weird to call yourself a fan and not be happy when your idol is happy.

And on the other hand, Shea and Colby shippers are more annoying than Solby shippers.

i agree with you. i think it's one of those things that fans can't accept bc in their minds, they have control over colby and his decisions. mostly bc for a long time, when fans would tell him to jump, he would respond with "how high". but for a little over a year now it seems as if he doesn't plan on listening to fans like that anymore, and i think that's for the best in the long run anyway.

bc he gave them so much power, they thought they controlled him or had say over what he chose to do, which just isn't the case.

the problem also is, so many fans (shea shippers and more) expect him to be with one of three ppl: shea, stas, or amber. or a rare fourth one, a fan of some sort. it's odd how many fans want this y/n fantasy to play out either via themselves or the holy trinity as me and my friends refer to them as lol

anyone outside of that is a no go.

so when malia came into the picture, and she wasn't what fans expected or wanted, they thought they had a say in telling colby to break up with her. and not only that, they thought she was just another fling of his. but when that didn't work, they went ballistic. which is why for months the hate for her and him has upticked to a level i never expected. like i knew when he got a gf, fans would lose it. but this is a different level altogether.

i personally don't love or hate malia, but i would say i have more positive feelings for her rather than negative.

at the end of the day, regardless of how any of us feel, colby is happy. you can lie to yourself all you want bc he doesn't smile in pics or bc they look too posed in their pictures. it doesn't matter. he loves malia, that's is abundantly clear. and you have to accept that and his decision to be with her. and if you can't, you're not a fan of him. i'm not saying you gotta love malia, but hating her will do literally nothing. so just accept it and move on. and if you can't, leave. it's honestly that simple.

(tbh anyone that heavily ships him with someone that isn't his gf is equally annoying in my eyes, but i getchu lol)

[eraserisms]

Someone has drawn to my attention that I do not have mobile rules

So, here you go everyone!

BASICS

21+ Only

This a moderate to low activity blog and most things will run on a queue. I am an incredibly slow writer, so please have patience. I work a full time job and a part time job & writing takes a lot out of me. At the end of the day; this is just a hobby.

This blog will most likely contain violence, drugs and other NSFW themes. I’ll tag it as 'usft' or '/ usft'

I don’t put up with excessive negative posting, vague posting, character bashing, call out posts and drama of the sorts. It’s roleplay, it’s supposed to be fun. This is going to be a hard and fast rule for this blog. If I even see anything that even smells like drama or could easily be identified as vauging, I will not hesitate to block.

Your DNI is your responsibility not mine. I cannot keep up with who has beef with who on this website or the stipulations or exceptions around people's DNI lists. If you see me interacting with someone that you don't want to see on the dash, its your responsibility to unfollow me instead of me guessing what's going on. If you are someone new that I'm thinking about following, I will take your DNI at face value and won't follow back/initiate contact in the first place if I follow people on your DNI.

Do not attempt to 'warn' me about other people unless they are a true danger. It isn't my business & I am an adult and can make my own decisions about people that I interact with. 

FOLLOWING

Firstly, this is a highly selective & mutuals only blog, I tend to get overwhelmed if I roleplay with too many people.

This blog is AU and crossover friendly. I actually prefer to write with characters that are outside of the BNHA fandom or even characters that I am completely unfamiliar with. Lately, I have been trying to steer away from the BNHA fandom in general.

I’m OC friendly as long as I have some sort of background for your character or an about page I can read.

It might take time for me to follow your blog back. I like to be thorough when reading other’s bios and more importantly, rules.

If you no longer want to follow me/interact, I insist that you hard block me and save both of us time.

If I see that you have been inactive for some time (5-6 months), I will likely unfollow/soft-block your blog however, I will not hard block you. If you ever come back to RP-ing, I'd love for you to write with me again.

INTERACTING 

Shota’s characterization is a blend between the anime and the manga.

We shouldn’t have to talk about this but here we are, godmodding & metagaming isn’t permitted. With this in mind that doesn’t mean that Eraser is granted immunity from his actions. For example; If he chooses to provoke your muse and your muse reacts negatively, Shota will have to deal with those consequences, violent or otherwise.

Considering the nature of Shota’s power is kind of OP, in general I’m going to allow whoever I play with to use their digression as to whether his quirk is effective or not. I also won’t mind discussing this with partners preemptively, in fact I think in some instances I may prefer it. His abilities do have their limits and you can find more about the nature of his quirk here.

I am big on story-building and while I do enjoy winging threads, I also would like to know a general direction that we are going in.

I primarily view asks as 'prompt' work. I’m typically okay with having memes being turned into threads. However, if I don't see it going anywhere as far as an over-arching plot goes/not being able to work it into some sort of storyline, or think that the thread has run it's course; I may drop the thread/not respond. If you want to continue something that I have dropped; just talk to me about it.

I am very big on communication and I think it can really make or break a roleplay experience. I’m far from perfect and if something doesn’t make sense to you in our thread, let me know. If you want to drop a thread? Shoot me a message. If I've accidentally broken one of your rules, please remind me. Hell, if you want to send me a headcanon/random thought at 3am on discord? Go for it.

Anything that I tag you in is free real estate for you to reblog. Do what you want with it. Frame it. Go for it.

SHIPPING

I do play Shota as a homosexual, however I’m a little flexible with this if Shota and your character have some sort of chemistry. (More about this can be found here.)

On the topic of relationships, I generally don’t roleplay smut and prefer to imply what happened or fade to black, I don’t mind writing ‘the-morning-after’ threads.  I may respond to some dash games with USFW content or drabbles/metas. I might even do them in ask memes/send some asks, but don't expect it to go anywhere. This rule may change once I feel comfortable here again.

I will not be shipping Aizawa with any minors, especially his students. This also applies to students who are ‘aged up’. If you even try to approach me about this you will be blocked.

Multi-shipping is fine with me 

With that note, some of the ships I like to write are; EraserMight, EraserCloud, EraserMic, EraserKing, EraserOC but I am fairly open-minded about this.

Depending on circumstances, I will write EraserCloud as a previous relationship that Shota has been in and sometimes I will not.

MUN STUFF 

I go by D.A. & I use he/him/his pronouns 

I don’t have many triggers so I don’t feel that anyone needs to tag anything in particular for me. I will however tag triggers for whoever I write with.

Duplicates are chill, I love duplicates and sharing ideas with other Eraserhead writers. I actually even have a verse specifically for duplicates. Just don’t take my stuff and by that I mostly mean the family that I have built around Shota

My discord is available upon request.

Let’s have fun :)

[snistr]

Not sure if I've posted about this before, but I had an idea for a character that I've been wanting to play against. A wanted connection, as it were. The details are under the cut, and if you're interested, feel free to either like this or send it back to me with some suggestions of your own!

I don't mind changing her name, of course, but for the purposes of this post, let's call her Tiffany. And I'm going to be breaking down this character idea into bullet points, just to organize my thoughts in some manner.

So, Tiffany is a muse that is heavily inspired by one of my favorite characters in fiction. Some of you may recognize the name Tifa Lockhart; if you know who she is, you’ll definitely see some similarities.

Regardless of whether or not she actually grew up on the countryside or in a small town, she has a lot of the trademarks of being a small town girl; she’s as sweet as can be, she’s selfless almost to a fault, and maybe a little naive. (Or at the very least, idealistic.)

Growing up, Tiffany lived in a very traditional household; her father was the parent with all the power, and she did her best to abide by his orders and live up to his standards. That being said, she loved/loves her dad very much. (Could probably even go so far as to say she was a daddy’s girl.)

Being a sensitive soul, it was - and on some level, it still is - easy for Tiffany to become attached to people… which had both positive and negative effects on her, in the long run. On the upside, she’s a very loyal friend - and partner, if she’s ever involved with someone - but on the downside, she doesn’t respond well to rejection or unreciprocated feelings.

She’s very much a people-pleaser.

Even if she might be oblivious to more suggestive interactions and/or advances, depending on the person, she loves being the center of attention, and being validated with compliments and the like. It certainly does wonders for her wavering self-esteem.

Tiffany’s relationship with sex can up to interpretation. On the one hand, her sexuality could be one of the aspects of herself that isn’t as developed as one might think; she could have a very sort of traditional view about it, where she’s hoping to save herself for the right man who, regardless of whether or not marriage is something she’s interested in, will sweep her off her feet. Or alternatively, she could be a very sexually active person. And that could come with its own conditions. Either she uses sex as something of a crutch to keep men around, because she knows that her body is something of a hot commodity to these guys… or she is oblivious to the idea of men using her exclusively for sex, because she personally enjoys it quite a lot.

Another sex-related characteristic that can be considered is how she specifically handles rough sex. Does she like being manhandled? Having her hair pulled, having her breasts squeezed, being slapped, being choked? Does she like to think of these as primal displays of strength from her male partner? Or does it frighten her? Does it make her feel lesser than? Does it really make her feel good, or is it more about making her partner feel good?

Occupation-wise, I usually picture her as a busty bartender that’s practically the face of the bar where she works. (Not just because of her looks, but also her very hospitable manner.) But I could also see her working in another sort of customer service job, like being a waitress at a diner or a secretary/personal assistant at an office firm.

And... well, that's all I got right now. As far as appearance goes, I do have a few girls in mind for her: one, two, three, four. I am open to suggestions or questions, though! Like honestly, I'd love to develop this character with somebody.

[planetpolyglot]

[006] thanks, but no, but thanks!

speaking both french and japanese means that more often than not i am caught between two polar opposites.

according to my mother, when someone gives you a compliment, the polite response is to refuse it, because accepting it comes off as arrogant. (think regina george and her "so you agree, you think youre really pretty" spiel.) that backfired real quickly in front of non-asians. when i first started learning french, my teacher offhandedly said to me, "tu dessines bien, toi!" to which i responded "je ne suis pas d'accord" with a big smile on my face. the poor woman, she was so shocked. "mais astro, on ne dit pas ça, il faut dire merci!" i was very happy to have something to be humble about, but not many westerners seem to understand that, even when i spell it out to them. i think it might be because self confidence is such a prized quality in the west, it tends to overshadow everything else.

and then there's japan. somehow the only situation where saying thank you is wrong is when receiving a compliment. on top of that, most compliments that the japanese give are usually extremely backhanded but will be played as sincere to disguise whatever negative sentiments they may have. i once went to a 24-hour karaoke with friends i didnt know very well at the time, the cheap chain kind where we could get drunk without breaking the bank. one of them took a bite of their food and without any prompting, announced that their plate looked and smelled great, implying that it tasted like shit. if she had meant what she said, she would have told us before she started eating. some japanese people steer clear of me because i almost always mean exactly what i say, and that terrifies them. on the other hand, ive met plenty of people who find my candor refreshing.

i was bullied for all sorts of things at school, by mean popular girls who disguised all of their insults as compliments, including but not limited to: "your calves are enormous, where did you get those?" "you know so much, it's like you're autistic or something" "wow, you fit through the door!" and when i was visibly sick, "you've lost so much weight thanks to your aids infection!" i now have a hard time working out whether someone means well or not because ive gotten so used to being in defense mode all the time.

things are looking up for me though. cant believe im now surrounded by people who actually like me. it takes getting used to. maybe one day i can accept their love without having to think twice, but until then, my life will still be a delicate balancing act between "thanks" and "no", and im ok with that.

[freebooter4ever]

Hello! Another random anonymous but I kept seeing you’re posts about some relationship relating things and saw the negative stuff you’ve said about yourself. Even if they might be teasing jokes about yourself, you might not realize this (and not in a creepy way 😅) but you really are wonderful! I love seeing your posts and you’re personality!

You’re super pretty too! This might sound really random and weird (and I’m honestly probably not getting the right context of anything because I’m sort of confuse about the topic since English isn’t my first language and the events are hard to catch up with) but my grandma has found love when she was in her 50s and has lived a nice life.

I know your situation differ from hers but have faith in yourself. Nothing is wrong with you at all, it just takes time to find the person right for you and when you do, you’ll find someone who deserves you and you deserve them, if you wish to find someone to love of course. But try to remember that you should try and have some more love for yourself, no matter how tough it can get.

Just know that there are people out there and no doubt people waiting to meet you and love you. Haha sorry if this all sounds super weird and awkward, it’s just how the people of my culture see things. There’s always that one person out there who loves you and is waiting to love you 😊

Hi there! Not annoying at all, my entire blog could probably be classified as annoying, this is most definitely not a curated space :). I waited to respond to this cause i wasn't sure how.

First, im really sorry, i should probably tag my insecurity posts with trigger warnings, i know it can be...a bit much. and can hurt other people who read it. The good news is the insecurities usually only happen when im dating and i like...never...date. So as soon as i find a job i will happily go back to 'im too busy to date', and i can shove the insecurity back under the self hating rug. Its like a hornets nest - its only if you poke the nest that you get stung and i keep poking the nest lately.

Second, I apologize if i generalized too much, i am trying to be more aware of myself doing that. There's lots of examples of friends with good long relationships in my life - the friend whose wedding i'm going to has been with her husband for ten years, my other childhood bff has been with her partner for 11, and jelly bean and her husband have been married since 2015 and dating since college (lord we are old). And of the celebrity couples i kinda idolize, im pretty sure only steve ao*ki and recently rami (lol good for him) are the ones with break ups. (i have been REALLY entertained by the sheer sudden volume increase in thirst traps on steve's insta starting around the time nicole got cozy with this new guy and deleted her loving tributes to steve off her account - dont get me wrong i fully appreciate the photos and selfies, enjoying every minute of it but yeah he must be single right now LOL i would feel more bad for him if he hadnt been the one doing the dumping)(it must be hard dating with his insanely fast paced lifestyle though, i dont envy him :( ). So its absolutely a 'me' problem.

My only experiences dating over the years have taught me that i dont have much to offer that someone cant get through friendship (or friends with benefits) - entertaining and fun to hang out with but not pretty enough (or good in bed enough LOL) to be actually worthwhile. At this point its kind of a joke; "its saturday night, why are you calling me, dont you have somewhere to be?" "no, of course not, i was wondering if i could come hang out with your dog"

Thanks for trying to cheer me up? :) i'm sorry i'm an insecure mess!

[plexussystem]

[Definitely not mad, just following up a bit confused] This didn't make much sense to me, unfortunately, aspects felt quite backwards. [Some quick lore:] I'm a disabled agoraphobe in their 30's- I wasn't allowed to keep anyone in my life my parents didn't strictly approve of (and they had horrid taste in others, being abusers themselves). I was unable to maintain relationships from schooling and am unable to work, so I can't make job friends.

Knowing someone better generally makes me enjoy them less because I can witness many more of their (potentially) negative behaviors. The less I know someone the more likely I am to either not notice their existence at all, or simply assume the best since I have no experiences to base who they are off of. I find your example curious because I would experience an opposite response to what you must. [How unfortunate]

Civility *is* being nice, though. A fake smile and smalltalk are 2 energy drainers that do not come naturally to me. Smalltalk is something I only do to get through a quick an awkward transaction, generally, to be kind - like at the cash register, I will not maintain it beyond social necessity or id have to go to bed at least an extra hour early each night. Small talk comes across like baby talk for weird neurotypical adults. It is a social structure that I find entirely innapropriate, inconvenient and ultimately unhelpful. It's not truly breaking the ice because it always maintains surface level. Smalltalk gives me the ick, plus it feels entirely Fake, like bad theatrics.

I don't understand how blunt honesty is rude - if I don't appreciate someone around me I'm not going to pretend to tolerate them in my space to both give them false confidence and a lingering wrong idea. I'd much prefer someone Not beat around the bush if they dislike me, it is not my interest to maintain falsehoods, they're a waste of everyone's time and energy which seems far more rude in the long run. I wouldn't want to be strung along to waste my own time and experience and I wouldn't want that for another, either.

I find lables exceptionally helpful for me for mental categorization purposes. I too allow the other person to claim the label to know where we're at, I wouldn't want to rudely assume incorrect but I do need to know where they feel we are currently at so I can respond appropriately both emotionally and socially (like how to reference them in convo w/ another).

Thanks for you're response! I know i asked about it 6months ago but was recently wondering about others answers. It sounds like i may be wired a bit backwards, socially. I have my own theories of course but I wonder what causes this sort of dysfunction.

what i've learned from my attempts to be more active in discords and other online communities is you just have to show up and participate in conversation and even if youre a little annoying or awkward eventually people will grow a fondness to you out of familiarity alone

[infinitydivine]

My dear infinity ❤️

Feedback:

Firstly I have to talk about the depth you have gone, even for a (small according to you) reading for me. I hope the options you are talking about are job opportunities. I sort of believe that 2025 will be my year. I am surprised that I will be the person people will rely on in 2025. I have seen changes within myself over the years. I no longer respond to situations with my emotions. There are still some times when I break down but I don't allow it to take over me. So king of cups coming as the next card gave me clarity. Also there is an important decision that I need to take and just like this king of cups, i hope i will be calm and able to handle the chaos that comes with it. Five of wands correctly talk about the mayhem it is going to cause. I am pulled in different directions literally. Each group tells me different things. I don't want to live according to any of them. The sun card coming next gave me so much hope. That aligns with my belief that 2025 will be my year. Until may/june things have been difficult. Something or the other happening every month. 2025 started with a bump but I hope the rest of it is smooth or at least manageable. I am tired of being strong and fighting. It is no surprise that the community card came for me because i am longing for people having similar interests as mine. I so want to share my ideas and things I have learned and learn new things that they have learned. It is true I need to be more flexible which is the negative that I have noticed. I get too upset when things don't go according to my plan. I really loved seeing the tiger card. I often see tigers in my dream sometimes one tiger, it is like the universe is telling me to step into my power. I often wonder if my higher self and spirit guides say " what is this kid doing? " you have correctly picked on another weakness that I have, the inability to say no. Trusting myself is so important so that I can choose whatever that aligns with my path and not choose what others want me to do. The feeling of guilt is on one side and the feeling of doubting if my choice is right is on the other side. This 2025 is going to be my year. Thank you so much dear for the reading, I really loved it ❤️❤️❤️❤️

⋆｡°✩𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤⋆｡°✩

Thank you for your feedback, dear C. I almost forgot that this was in my inbox for this song haha.

Reading: What is coming for you in the rest of 2025 ($15.55)

If interested, you can DM me to book yourself a reading too :)

Masterlist -Paid Readings-Paid Readings Reviews-PAC Readings

[itsnotmandatorybee]

March 30, 2024

Saturday

6:10 PM

Every now and then, I put myself in a playful role as the villain of other people's stories. I convinced myself to do so 'cause that's what I think can protect me from flare-ups and maltreatment that I don't want to happen again like those of my early years. Don't get me wrong—my childhood's the best timeline I ever had in my life, but everything's changed in a snap. Many of you knew the story outside of it, but only a few can understand how much pain I need to endure in the way I come up with another version of me—a quacky nincompoop with a strange but strong personality, even though I know it's roughly weird for some.

Guess what? I don't care. I am Bernardo when no one's watching. If you partly saw me rooming around and buzzing like a bee, it's your judgment to decide whether it 'was me or not. Not even today do I give my bare minimum, so there's a lesser chance of knowing me better.

Not to think of any ruling or chances of surviving at a younger age, I moved to an unfamiliar place just to get up each day with those questions from my little me left unanswered. That spirit of mine that's only existing through my elder's mouth. That spirit of mine was hidden in every page of my journal. That, 'til now, I have played myself dumb and numb all at once—I must say, for the last few years, I can attest to how unhappy I was with my decisions. Though I'm like the waves in the ocean to explain things briefly, I've somehow had experiences that are way deeper than the ocean itself. They're not secrets. They're not even written. They're only existing in my shattered heart.

So, if it's you falling in love with my aphorisms and body language, don't dare to bite the dust. You'll find out sooner that I'm comparable to the cacti in the dessert. You better run.

So, if it's you talking negatively 'bout me behind my back, I want you to know that I know my mistakes. I can create a list and smack it to your face, and let you know that if you can't say anything good, so can I.

So, if it's you telling me that I should be grateful, ask yourself first if you are. So if you are, then that's good. It's none of your business if I feel gracious or anxious, unless it was me who did the favor to lose a grip and spill about it.

So, if you ever saw me paused or silent, then you might have seen my 0.1% true self. I might be thinking of me inside Mickey Mouse's clubhouse, or I'm in some sort of crisis, thinking about the foods I haven't tasted in years.

So, if you know me better, I'm not a coffeeholic. Yes, not really. Perhaps you're my ultimate bestfriend who can make a decent hot Milo in a mug with a bit of sugar added, with Chunkee cookies or Loaded Cheese on the side.

The bottomline is that I'm in a position where AI can create a better version of this writing than I can ever be. I'm in a situation where some people are fooled and rely on my wordings, waiting for my canned responses, what's my take about life hacks, Gaza, Marcos, Taylor Swift's CO2 emissions, love—it's evidently gross to make someone uncomfortable because he can't say or narrate too much, 'cause how is he supposed to do that if his time's consumable only for work and hobbies? Is it really mandatory for me to respond and label me as "masungit" or say "haya'n na naman siya" if I never speak?

Okay! I put myself in a playful role as the villain of other people's stories. So, what comes next?

It's still better for me to see my notebook pages blank. I don't want to fill it anymore, whether it's a good or bad story.

I want a little break.

—from the little candy wrapper

[risen-down]

you don’t exactly seem like you’re having fun. you literally have two tags where you do nothing but whine about how miserable you were before you met your “sunfriend” (seriously - how childish can you get? you’re 18 lady, act like it) and how “traumatized” you are (your middle school classmates rightfully avoiding you for being a weirdo isn’t trauma). if you were actually having fun, you wouldn’t post that shit. also quit infantilizing yourself, your a grown woman.

p.s. i know i said that was going to be the last message i sent you but i went to your profile to block you and i couldn’t help reading your latest answers, and when i saw the one about me i figured id respond. this is it. adios.

anon honey i'm having a lot of fun actually. that's why i'm posting less, because i'm spending a lot more time with the people in my life rather than being online 24/7! and yes i have two tags that are negative, but that's why i tag them; same reason why i tag my posts as platonic, aromantic, etc. it's for sorting reasons lol, both for myself and whoever else wants to look at my profile but maybe doesn't want to see certain topics.

i also am not sure how you get the impression that i was miserable before meeting my partner or my current friends? that blog is about my feelings and relationships, so naturally that's what posts on there are going to be about. i was fine (not perfect) before building the current relationships i have. i'm better now--for many reasons, not just because of the new people in my life. still not perfect, but nothing ever is. surprise, adults have feelings, especially younger ones. i am in no way fully mature lol, and i know it. but hey, i'm doing my best. we all are. isolation as a child is, in fact, traumatic for some, and if i'd gotten the resources and community that i needed, none of that would've happened to me. (i have it now, though. better late than never.)

i'm a little amused that you keep saying you're not going to send any more messages to me, but here you are. that aside, i hope you realize that somebody's internet profiles are not, and are not intended to, provide an accurate view of their life, especially not on a generally faceless site like tumblr. i suggest you take a break from trying to make judgements about people you don't know--because those judgements are inevitably going to be inaccurate one way or another--and spending some time with the people physically around you. decide whether you think this is actually worth your time and whether there is something healthier that you can do with your thoughts and feelings.

much love, anon. adios :)

[ohmycale]

I am breaking my rule of not responding until the poll is done coz I dont want to assume anything but this piece is so much spot on.

You summed up Deruth in canon which is a person who is a coward, selfish, and borderline spineless even when things involved are the ones who supposedly love and cherish in his life. Like I dont begrudge anyone who wants a conflict-free life but that is not possible in human relationships and reality. Two major wonders of this fandom to me is how the hell he got married 2 times and begot children if this was his real personality. And be a political leader (whether he likes it or not) at that!

As I said, I wholeheartedly agree with your characterization of Deruth because he has been consistent and for his apologists out there, there are instances in canon which illustrates this.

I am convinced that he doesn’t like conflict or negative emotions and he reacts also very poorly when life upends his very privileged life, which also leads to a bit more extreme in my views of him.

As per your options

I said that I have my reservations about this because it puts Deruth in a sympathetic mode, which I am uncomfortable with because of his past and continuing actions and the feeling of the injustice of it all. It reminds me of those estranged parents placed in a vulnerable state and using that state as a ‘pass’ to ‘get their way’ aka force other people to do what they want so to speak despite their faults and mistakes. In my opinion, Og!Cale will be forced (as he was always been in his life) to acquiesce to a father who never stood by him because said father puts his personal comfort over him/his again, and again and again.

2. For this option, the result will vary depending on how og!Cale feels about their relationship if the said relationship is still existing at all. Again, doormat!og!Cale tends to blame himself unnecessarily because the moment to talk has been passed and way over.

3. Oh lord, it is Jour happening all over again. And we all know what happened after, don’t we? Also, give the kid a fucking break on his resting place. Anyone who spoils that resting place is bribed and a turncoat!

I think og!cale picked that nasty habit of distancing, opting for conflict-free things that turned him into a doormat of some sort. There I said it! I love this guy but he is an effing doormat to boot!

Sometimes, with Deruth, I don’t feel like we are talking about a grown adult – with spouses and children. He seems to lacking that unconditional love for his child that a lot of people attribute to him. If this is true, his bravado of family/familiar ties is certainly meaningless, a mask and lends more of him doing things for his own happiness.

I have a feeling that will end with another draft for me.

Thanks for the reblog and the piece. Very enlightening and if I figure out how to give awards on Tumblr, I will get back to this.

So, when will the talk gonna happen?

Was about to post my take on reconciliation but a friend brought this up. I promise the next one will be that post.

Serious post again:

We all know that Deruth is currently incapable of actually communicating with his son. For reference, I believe that he has a strained relationship and with minimal communication for almost a decade (starting from when he lost his mother (8-ish) to his in-universe age (being 18).

My question is, when do you think Deruth will have the guts to simply initiate an authentic, heartfelt and open convo with his kid? Keep in mind that in the real world, 18 yrs old is legal and people are capable of striking on their own and are not obliged to keep in touch with their parents., Let's imagine that this applies to new adult Og!cale. And yes, no KRS coming over for this poll (sorry).

I ran out of ideas, but if you image more scenarios as options, post it in the comments. I might do a part 2 *looks at all my drafts*

If you want to expound your choice, post it down. No judgement!

I wanted to include a 'Deruth in his last moments' option but I have some reservations. I experienced it and I felt there was some sort of obligation to talk to a person because they having a very emotional and kinda high risk moments to this scenario. But if you think it should be an option, let me know!

[nedjsmlfavs]

So Derision Broke Me…

Derision (Miraculous S5E14) made some choices that fundamentally broke Marinette’s character for me to the point where I’m having trouble motivating myself to keep writing for this fandom. I figured I’d write down my thoughts and see if that helped me get into a headspace where I can ignore this episode like I do any other writing choices I’m not fond of. If anyone has some words of wisdom, I'd love to hear them.

In Derision, we learn that Marinette has some serious trauma surrounding love. When she was 13, she confessed her love to Kim and was rewarded with a box full of spiders. This “prank” understandably left her traumatized and shaken to her core. In response to that trauma, she vowed to never confess her love to another boy. Not unless she knew everything about him.

This “prank” and several others are revealed to be the fault of Chloé. As for why she’s doing this, well, we’re never given a reason why Marinette is the target. However, we are told the motivation for Chloé’s actions. Rose blames them on the fact that Chloé was abandoned by her mother. Mylène responds to this observation by pointing out that she was also abandoned by her mother, but that didn’t turn her into a bully! Which is a fair point. People react differently to trauma and trauma doesn’t justify bad behavior or undo the effects of those bad behaviors. At the most, trauma explains why the behavior is happening. A lesson that Miraculous has given us before.

In the character Félix’s titular episode, Félix shows up and starts treating Adrien poorly. This leads to this exchange between Adrien and Plagg:

Plagg: What's up with that cousin of yours? First, he searches through your things, and then, the most unforgivable thing of all, he squashes my hunk of goat's cheese under your pillow! I'd been maturing that baby for two weeks! Do you realize? Two whole weeks! Adrien: Listen, Plagg. Félix lost his dad not so long ago, he's probably not himself. Plagg: I'm sorry, but there's just no excuse! You never touch my cheese, and yet, you just lost your mother not so long ago, right?

And, once again, this is a fair observation! The fact that Félix’s father died does not justify Felix trying to ruin Adrien’s life. All it does is explain his motivation. 

Trauma does not excuse hurting others. When trauma has negative effects on us, it’s up to us to work through those feelings either on our own or, ideally, with the help of loved ones and therapists. We are never justified in lashing out at innocents who had nothing to do with our trauma.

This brings us to the topic of Marinette. 

The fact that Marinette has trauma around romance does not justify her treatment of Adrien. Breaking into his home, trying to sabotage his relationship with Kagami, and all of her other obsessive behaviors are not okay just because she was traumatized by Kim. If Chloe and Felix are not excused by their trauma, then neither is she.

So why am I only bothered by this now?

Because, before this episode, Marinette’s behavior was very clearly a joke. It was, in my opinion, a bad joke, but it was a joke and, when it comes to writing, jokes have to be looked at differently than things that are played straight.

Miraculous relies heavily on absurdist humor. That’s why you’ve got an episode where Adrien and his teenage friends throw an unchaperoned party attended by a bunch of random adults. A thing that would be horrifying and upsetting in reality, but is fine in the show because it’s clearly played as being ridiculous and over the top. I mean, just look at this scene. Anyone taking this seriously has clearly lost the plot.

Marinette’s obsession fell under the same category. Something that would be very wrong in reality, but was obviously being played up for laughs. I was always under the impression that, without the absurdist humor, she’d be significantly toned down and that’s why I just sort of tolerated it in the show. Not my idea of a good joke, but clearly a joke so meh. I can overlook it while watching the show and, when writing her, I can be true to her character while not including this level of obsession because I don’t write crack fic.

Derision changed that. It took 4.5 seasons of questionable jokes and tried to justify them. And that? That is a terrible idea. Because there is no justification for Marinette’s behavior just like there is no justification for Chloe’s behavior in the exact same episode. What they’re doing is wrong and, at best, their trauma explains their behavior. It does not justify it.

Plus, hey, remember how Derision said Kim was a terrible person for laughing at Marinette’s trauma? Isn’t that the exact same thing that we’ve all unknowingly been doing for 4.5 seasons? Kinda makes it hard to rewatch old episodes where her crush was played for laughs, doesn’t it? I hope you’ve never laughed over Marinette’s behavior because, if you have, you’ve been making fun of her trauma and so have the writers.

And that sums up why this episode really bothers me. I either have to ignore a character’s trauma or I have to accept that her trauma has apparently made her unhinged and address it. Because if her behavior is not a bad joke, then the salters are right and Marinette is a total creep. I’m trying my hardest to choose option one, but I’m struggling.

It’s not that Marinette is the only character with questionable behavior. Adrien as Chat Noir is often written as overly persistent and obnoxious when it comes to his crush. It’s not great behavior, but it’s not a consistent characterization nor is it a major flaw. I can fix it with a quick character arc about boundaries or ignore it and (in my head) say that arc happened off screen because I have no doubt that this sort of common teenage issue could be overcome with relative ease. Because when Chat Noir is put in a situation where he could clearly violate Ladybug’s boundaries? He doesn’t. He is, ultimately, respectful. He just needs to be told that respect is more than listening to the explicit “no”.

Deep-seated trauma that leads to stalking? That’s not a minor flaw. It’s a major issue that reveals the need for psychological intervention. I’m not gonna give that to a teenager and fix it with the power of friendship and communication. Nor will I give the stalker her prize. I’m gonna keep him safe because, if Marinette has this level of romance-based trauma, then she is not mentally well enough to be a relationship with someone.

You see, I’ve had people with obsessive crushes who violated my boundaries. A loved one of mine had to get the police involved because of someone’s crush on them. Stalking and obsessive behavior is not a joke. It’s traumatizing, but even though I have that trauma, Miraculous never bothered me because of how the stalking was played as a joke.

Joke's over, though. As of Derision, we are supposed to take Marinette's behavior at face value.

So, yeah. I don’t know where I go from here. It’s been a week and I just have no desire to ever touch Marinette again. If anyone has some words of advice, I’d love to hear them. And I’m sorry, but it may be a while before anything of mine updates.

[abrunettefangirlnerd]

Hugs - JJ Maybank

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Prompt: The reader is the first one to offer up a hug for anyone that needs one, especially to her boyfriend JJ. Who of which notices this one day and tries to change this and is met with an unexpected reaction.

Warmings: Negative body image

             Listening to Kie talk about the fight she just had with her mom, tears fall down your best friend’s face. You were hanging out with the guys at the Chateau when Kie barged in with steam coming out of her ears. It is the same fight as always. Her mother doesn’t approve of her choice in friends. The only one she seems to like is you but is still skeptical because you are a born kook choosing to be a pogue. It is a fight you are all too familiar with from your own mom.

“Aw Kie. I am so sorry.” You get up from beside JJ and wrap your arms around her warm sun-kissed skin. “If you want you can tell your mom you are staying at my place. My mom already things I am staying at yours. We can just chill here tonight.”

             As if on cue you feel your phone buzz in your back pocket. The power is still out on this side of the island, but kook territory is fully functional again. You don’t think it is fair and you spend a great deal of time using as little technology as possible. The phone is an agreement you have with your mother. As long as you have it on you, you can remain off of house arrest and get to hang out with your friends. Your mom is even less of a fan of your friends than Kie’s mom.

Have fun tonight sweetie! I am happy to see you are hanging out with the right sort of people tonight. - Mom

             You roll your eyes as a flame ignites all your repressed anger. Lately there have been so many things on your mind. Almost all of them because of your mom. She constantly gets on to you about your friends and most of all your boyfriend. She doesn’t seem to understand what is wrong with the kook boys from school. No matter how many times you explained to her about how awful they are she insist that they are still better than JJ. If only that was the only problem.

“Hey babe,” JJ’s voice breaks you from your thoughts. “Everything alright?”

“Yes,” you smile away your pained expression brewing below the surface. “I am perfect.”

             A beautiful smile spread across JJ’s features. All your problems and insecurities are washed away by this one boy’s smile. You would give anything to make sure this smile stays at all times. He deserves unimaginable happiness.

             Looping your arms around JJ’s neck, he responds immediately by placing his arms around your waist. You allow yourself to break his beautiful smile by lightly pressing your lips against his. You shiver despite it being 90 degrees Fahrenheit outside. JJ pulls your body in closer and your fingers twirl the hair at the nape of his neck. It has always been easy for the two of you to get lost with the other, despite the company.

“Ew gross.” Pope wines and Kie quickly joins in.

“I won’t stay the whole night if you two keep doing that.” Kie attempts to threaten but ultimately fails with her laughter.

             The two of you rejoin the rest of the party as John B goes on about the treasure again. But JJ is only half listening. His eyes are trained on you the entire time, watching your movements. JJ knows that you tell him the majority of your problems at home. It is a rule you two have, no secrets when it comes to family drama. It had been your idea because you were scared the JJ would lose it from living with his father. But JJ is worried that you aren’t telling him everything due to the shit he deals with at home. That maybe some how you feel like your problems aren’t as important.

**

“Mom I’m home!” You shout from the door as you take off your shoes.

“In the kitchen! Did you have fun with Kieara?” You mother shouts back.

“Yeah! I’m going to go unpack and shower.”

             Making your way up to your bedroom you quickly undress and hop into the warm shower. Feeling the water wash away the sweat from the night of no air conditioning. Normally you wouldn’t mind because in the morning you all usually go for a swim but the boys all had to work today. The plan is to meet up afterward and head out on the boat. Making the shower a little pointless but you don’t care. Your mother would prefer to keep the furniture spotless of any impurities.

             Stepping out of the shower you search for your towel before realizing that you left it in your bedroom. Huffing in frustration you attempt to air dry as you run your fingers through your hair for any last remaining tangles. As the steam begins to clear from the room, you are better able to see yourself in the mirror. Instantly you wish the steam would come back as your mother’s comments flood through your mind.

“Be careful of what you eat (Y/N),” your mother sings. “You’ve started gaining some weight this last month. We all know that men like a women with a perfect figure.”

             Your eyes fall on your arms. Then your stomach. And finally your thighs, which you are most insecure about. You’re whole life you have struggled with the way you look but since finding the pogues it hasn’t mattered as much. You know JJ loves you just the way that you are. Yet there is still a little voice inside your head telling you otherwise, your mother’s voice.

             Feeling overwhelmed you make a break for your room. The cool air clings to your partially wet naked body as you fly down the hallway. Closing the door behind you, you grab for your robe and wrap it around your body. Making sure it is secure you head toward your drawer for your swimsuit but stop in your tracks as you find JJ sitting on your bed.

“I thought you were working till two today.” You say slightly out of breath.

“They let me off early and I thought I would surprise my girl.” JJ’s smirk does not let up. “Didn’t know I would get such a great welcome.”

             You try to smile it off. All those thoughts you wanted to leave behind in the bathroom. If only water could wash this away as easily as it does sweat and dirt. If only life could be a bit more simple, for everyone. Apparently JJ notices your unease as his smirk slowly disappears from his lips. A more concerned and gentle expression paints itself across his face.

             JJ notices your tear-filled eyes and flushed cheeks. Even from taking a shower they usually do not remain red for very long. He can even notice that your smile is slightly off. JJ has made it is job to keep a smile on your face and knows when they are real or not. It is hard to get passed him.

“Y/N what is wrong?” JJ slowly climbs off your bed. “Don’t say nothing because we know that isn’t true. We have that rule, remember?”

Walking slowly to you, JJ wraps his arms around you in a hug. The first hug in a long time that someone is giving you. Normally you are the ones giving hugs to others, to comfort them. For the first time in a very long time, you are receiving a hug. There is a reason for this. Not able to hold back any pent-up emotions, tears spill from your eyes like waterfalls. Cries and gasps for air escape your lips. The walls you have built up are collapsing all from a hug, JJ’s hug. The perfect hug.

You have no idea how long you have been crying but the slight headache from dehydration tells you a very long time. JJ lifts you up from the ground and lays your small frame on your bed. Without breaking his hold on you he situates his body next to yours. Now you lay partially on him, JJ’s arms still wrap around you rubbing small soothing circles over your robe.

             Once you calm down enough you begin to tell him everything, and not once does JJ’s hold on you loosen. You tell him about your fights with your mom like Kie has with her mom. About how she ridicules you for having a pogue as a boyfriend and constantly introduces you to men that belong on the kook side of the island. That she has threatened to send you to boarding school for your senior year because according to her you are a wild child that needs discipline. Finally ending with how all you want to wear now are big baggy clothes because your mom has pulled at the ever so slow unraveling of a thread you have holding away your insecurities about your body.

             JJ’s mind reels as he comprehends everything you tell him. He knew something was up but he had no idea how much you have been carrying around. Mentally he hits himself for not being more attentive or being distracted by too many other things. JJ can’t find the right words to say. What does one say about things that they can’t change for the person they love that is hurting? What does Y/N normally say to him?

“I love you (Y/N),” JJ whispers as he kisses your forehead. “Nothing can ever change that.”

             These were the only words he could say. But from now on he makes a vow to himself to check in more to your needs. To hug you more often. A real hug, not one of those quick hugs from behind and spin you around types. Meaningful hugs. The type you give him any time he has gone home for a bit, or slightly seem off, or just simply to give one. JJ feels like there is so much power in your hugs. He always feels like you are helping him hold himself together through your contact. That is what he wants to do for you. Even though he can’t do much to help with you and your mom, he wants to help you feel like things are holding together.

[saltydkdan]

salty, i’m a 16 year old trans girl living in new jersey who’s about to start estrogen next month, but i am constantly worried about my safety because of the GOP trying to get bills like this passed

https://twitter.com/erininthemorn/status/1547641835677368320?s=21&t=D09XRzAQxHj100xjIy0SnQ

i’m so fucking scared, i live in a blue state but that might not even matter soon, i don’t wanna become a statistical because of people not letting me live as my true self,

if you can, could you share some kind or supportive word for me, and the other trans kids who watch your videos? i know for me personally your my go to youtuber to watch when i’m feeling sad, because you’ve basically molded my sense of humor,

i’m sorry for the long message, i’m just really worried and nervous and upset and my anxiety is in fucking hyperdrive

Hey bud. I'm really sorry I couldn't respond to this sooner, to be honest I was trying my best to figure out the best way to respond to this since I saw it.

As someone who is cis, it's hard for me to properly formulate words of encouragement when it comes to situations like this. Sometimes there are just many things that will never inherently effect me personally, so I sometimes feel like anything I say will sound like "thoughts and prayers"-type jargon, and I don't want it to be.

I'm gonna try my very best to respond to this with some words of encouragement and support! I apologize if it doesn't do much, this is my first time typing something up this way.

First, I want to validate you here, these are some really upsetting times. It feels like every other day there's some group of crazed politicians that are trying to take people's rights away, or set us back 100 years for no reason other than hatred or religion (and sometimes even both!).

It's okay to feel bad, or worried about it. You are valid if that upsets you, obviously. If anyone says you are a "downer" for worrying about it, they are stupid, and most probably are unaffected by this sort of news.

I have a lot of close friends who are personally affected by this too, and people tend to shut them down whenever they feel a HINT of negativity. But like... no? Fuck that. Feel your feelings, you are valid.

Second, I just want to say that there is hope. Even if bad things happen, or any bullshit gets passed, know that there are millions of people fighting for you, and your rights every day. Now I know this can be a moot point for some people, and doesn't make them feel better. But it's at least important to know that many people (including me) are on your side.

Many people are even posting online that even if these sorts of horrible bills pass, that they will put their jobs at risk to protect kids that are affected. They shouldn't have to do this, but I'm glad that so many people are kindhearted and protective of trans kids regardless of what laws are.

(Obviously, it should be always noted that just because something is a law, that doesn't mean it's morally correct or ever will be. Fuck Anti-Trans bills and laws FOREVER AND ALWAYS.)

Third, we all know the world can be an absolute shit show a lot of the time. So with that in mind, it's totally valid for you to take a social media break (or "cleanse"). I know in some spaces this might be a CRAZY thing to say, since a lot of people like to keep up to date on the current day news cycle on places like Twitter. But many of my friends, and even myself, tend to "doom scroll" online.

Using social media, we're exposed to hatred and vitriol on a daily basis. It's totally okay for anyone in your shoes to delete social media, even if just for a bit, and do something else. This isn't always the case, but sometimes viewing too much bad news about the world all at once, can cause people to spiral and become more and more afraid.

I'm not necessarily saying "ignorance is bliss" or anything like that. The news is important every so often. But it's important that you grant yourself time away from it, because (especially nowadays) it can get incredibly toxic. Trust me, when important stuff happens, you'll still be made aware. Either through parents, friends, etc.

And you don't need to quit social media either. Just allow yourself a break. Pick back up a hobby, or start a new one! Recently, instead of scrolling infinitely on Twitter or Tik Tok, I've taken up reading comics online before bed. Sonic IDW or One Piece. Mental Health comes first! Even if the world is insane, it's okay to take a moment of silence to calm yourself, and tend to yourself. You should NEVER feel guilty for taking time for yourself, ESPECIALLY these days.

Lastly, I wanna let you know that it's awesome to hear that you're going on Estrogen in the coming month! That is huge!! And really awesome to hear. That's an occasion worth celebrating! Like, a new second birthday!

And I'm currently a New Jersey resident too! It's cool to hear you're from there. I've started really liking the state ever since I've moved, but I mostly just stick to my town and don't go that much deeper! (Haha)

Also I am SO SORRY I helped mold your sense of humor. I cannot apologize enough for doing that GGFIWGODIWHEDQ. It is an honor to hear that, but I am SO SORRY ABOUT THAT.

I'm apologize if this message ends up not helping much, but you have my support, all of my friends, and millions of others. You will get through this no matter what happens. You've already gotten this far, you ain't even reached your FINAL FORM YET.

-Derek (Salty)

[weebsinstash]

Oh my god so I tried True Luna again and, I'm just gonna summarize the few chapters I've picked up

>quick recap: Protag Emma has been bullied for years by Sienna the best friend of her brother Andrew, who literally raised her after their parents died, and Alpha Logan. They never believe Emma and basically just tell her that she's jealous Sienna spends time with them. Sienna slowly escalates in aggression over time, and is literally in Emma's house insulting her daily but switching to "loving big sister" in front of Logan and Andrew. After turning 18, Emma is rejected by her mate, Logan, because he deems her too weak, too young, and not emotionally strong enough to be his mate and does not even give her a chance. Her brother even agrees. She literally overhears them talking about how she is not strong enough, when the truth is she's actually been training in combat in secret for years.l with one of the only people truly on her side, Jacob. Sienna even breaks her rib and eventually has her kidnapped and tells the lie that, Sienna will tell Logan and Andrew that Emma attacked her and ran away to be a rogue. Emma is being horrifically beaten and tortured and poisoned while Sienna goes to tell them, and they believe 100% never even doubting that Emma attacked her and plan to punish her. I dropped the story just as she was being rescued and came back bc I got another ad for it and dexises I wanted to see Emma responding to them after being rescues

So recap over, here's just, the bullshit:

>while Emma is getting medical treatment the story keeps cracking jokes about how, oh mates are so possessive of being touched by other males, even with doctors, but it's not fucking funny. Emma is literally needing medical treatment and Logan is growling because oh no men are touching her to. Hook her up to IVs and give her syringes of medicine.... At some point she needs a blood transfusion from Andrew, HER BIOLOGICAL SIBLING, and later on Logan is like "ugh I don't like that she smells like him 😤" like bro she isn't going to fuck her own brother what in the actual hell is wrong with you? This isn't attractive it is actually CREEPY

>speaking of creepy, despite Andrew being her family and blood and the man whonraised Emma, the doc is like, "hey we think there's a possibility Emma could have been raped, can we do a pelvic test and stuff, LOGAN? We need YOUR permission since you're her mate" HE REJECTED HER. Like I understand where they are coming from but, to me, this is the man who caused this entire scenario giving doctors the permission to, just, ugh. Touch her without even asking her, and the test is negative and uh, I bet they won't even tell her they took the test at all

-when she finally wakes up she thinks she is literally dead and in heaven because that is literally the only scenario she can imagine Logan and Andrew coming to save her and she even tells them that. Jesus Christ they hurt her trust so bad

-she has to literallt argue with then so she can have some time alone just to think because Logan for some reason says he accepts her as his mate and Luna and she says she wants time aline to rest and have peace and. Ugh. Later on she's in pain, from the torture she never would have gotten if they had just RESPECTED HER, and she wants to see Andrew, and she thinks "oh, maybe Logan can come too, when he touched me it made my pain go away, maybe I can ask him to hold me"

>SHE IMMEDIATELY follows this up with "oh no but I dared to ask him for some personal space! How awful how dreadful how terrible! I am just so UNGRATEFUL for asking one of the men who made this all happen and gave me trauma to give me some personal space while I'm half dead. I'll just ENDURE THE PAIN SINCE I DESERVE IT"

Now. The reason why this bothers me. Is because, Emma's reaction is kinda normal, she has a lot of trauma and feels silenced and unheard and isolated, but, as a reader, I can TELL Logan and Andrew are not going to face any sort of retribution for this. "Oh their real punishment all along was seeing Emma so hurt because of them" no I actually want them half dead if you want me to be perfectly honest. They face, no real consequences besides hurt feelings and now there are narrative plot points basically forcing Emma and Logan together? Oh we have to cuddle so your wounds heal even if you don't really want to touch me? I'll be blunt and say that's a really uh, rape fic-y concept. It's not even, like, enjoyable because Logan doesn't deserve her at all.

Like, you know what they decide to do? They choose to horrifically torture Sienna for what happened. They're literally going to barely keep her alive and toeture her over and over before they'll eventually kill her. And I found myself literally standing here wishing that Sienna would tell them to their faces "you hurt her so bad she immediately believed you would abadon her" but no, this is treated as Andrew and Logan "winning" and they literally leave rhe torture room "drenched in Sienna's fresh blood". To me, this serves no actual purpose to assuage their own personal guilt and deflect responsibility. Like I am literally sitting here thinking "if I was Emma I would legitimately want Sienna to be let go, not to help Sienna, but to punish Logan and Andrew with the guilt that they caused this"

It's just so unsatisfying to see people be blatantly shitty to someone they are supposed to love, like be literal actual soulmates with, and are still rewarded with that person and for all of this to be presented as like, romance goals. Am I supposed to be like, swept off my feet that Logan is suddenly so dedicated and wonderful where, whenever it shows his POV, he's literally violently jealous and wanting to hurt the ONE person who has truly been on Emma's side, Jacob. Like Logan even immediately accuses Jacob of the one who leaked that Emma is a white wolf just. Because? Like awww, is the little pup jealous he's a piece of shit and that Emma has actually been getting true love and support from other people? Awww, poor you, YOU'RE the real victim here. God it is legitimately so hard for me to find one of these stories where the protagonist actually has any choice or agency. I've been meaning to make a post about the stories I DO recommend though so, maybe soon. I just, know we all like to be angry at fuck ass whack ass men sometimes and just wanted to ramble a lil haha