#if you respond with some sort of negativity to this I am breaking into your house and stealing your hamster

[possessedopossum]

The Veilguard: my full review [positive, long post, less about game mechanics and more about meta, spoilers]

The thing that makes Veilguard special to me is how self aware the game is. In every dialogue, plot twist or quest I can feel the presence of somebody who wanted to share something with me. Be it personal experience, message, pain or joy. As of 2024, many games have lost their creative spark. Video game industry is no longer a nerd only zone, it's a business no different than others. Many studios utilize AI to write their plots, chase after current trends or simply make decisions that would create the biggest audience possible at the expense of something people love the franchise for. Veilguard did well, because it showed me something I haven't seen in a very long time: the human soul.

Perhaps you have noticed it on your own. The world has gone completely nuts after the covid. Or maybe it has always been this way and I only noticed it now. It is not a surprise to me that players want their game to be darker, to have more aggressive dialogue and to have a morally grey or even evil protagonist. For the past few years I've been feeling like someone had turned the lights off. And the game gave me an impression that someone at bioware feels this way too.

Only negativity gives content creators views and money these days. Open any social media, read any post or watch any video. If something is on top, it's almost always a hate post. What was the last movie most reviewers enjoyed? The last game? Perhaps the one that was released 10 years ago? What was the last time, you, my dear reader, have smiled? Not bitterly or sardonically, but out of genuine joy?

It is extremely fitting that Rook's mentor figure is Varric. Varric is somebody who always sees the best in people. He grew up in one hell of a city but he still loves it. He can find something to laugh about no matter how dire the situation is. He is a people person who can build friendship with anybody. Varric is very charismatic and tends to avoid conflict. He is a chronic liar but that doesn't make him bad because he never lies with malicious intentions. And in some ways, Rook is similar to him.

Yes, Rook can't be a complete asshole. Because the game is not about being an asshole. One of our antagonists, Solas, considers the world to be sick. Modern Thedas is a grave mistake that haunts him. He can't forget and move on because even the elves themselves wear his mistakes on their faces. Many things that are normal to the player character aren't normal to Solas. The world is so wrong and disgusting to Solas that he is willing to sacrifice things and people who are dear to him just to make the twisted world better.

Rook is nice because they are supposed to represent what is good in modern Thedas. They are supposed to be somebody who thinks the world is worth fighting for. And to a certain extent, their factions as well. The crows are contract killers and the lords of fortune are thiefs. Grey wardens are very concerned with politics and all the secrets they refuse to share constantly get people killed. Mourn watch has their immoral power hungry politicians as well and veil jumpers are sometimes willing to trade people for ancient secrets. They all aren't without sin but that's not the point. The point is, even with all the ugliness and darkness, there is still a place for light. And the light in the darkness is the exact message bioware tried to convey. The crows not being comically evil is not bad writing. It is a conscious writing choice to give us a human face for something we consider ugly and not worth fighting for. The player is metaphorically Solas, who needs to be persuaded that the world is worth at least something. The writers didn't need to bare the souls of player factions in all their mistakes, imperfections and cruelty. Because they showed us the factions' humanity. Some cruelty is still there, on the background, but it doesn't overshadow what is good. The crows, no matter how terrible, are a family. Viago may call Rook an idiot and while Rook considers their training literal torture, they sure love Viago back.

In fact, familial love is one of the core themes of the Veilguard. We have Emmrich and Manfred, Davrin and Assan and uncle Endrin, Lucanis and Caterina and Illario, Taash and Shathann, Bellara and Cyrian. It's a bit less direct with Neve and Harding. Neve has a lot of love for her city which is almost like a person to her, and Harding...I'll explain with a quote. "You're Lace Harding! You're more than this rage! You believe that the world is beautiful! That people are good! Hold onto it, hold on to who you are!".

Even the evanuris share the theme of family. Rook can compare Elgar'nan and Solas to relatives who can't get along. Elgar'nan calls Ghilan'nain his sister. Both shards of Mythal consider modern elves her children. Different but no less beloved, as Morrigan puts it.

Veilguard shows family without rose-tinted glasses. It shows that sometimes to love your children is to sacrifice something else you love (Lichdom for Emmrich), that parents have their own problems that may harm their children no matter how much parents wish to protect them (Shathann understands she is not the best mother and has complicated relationships with the Qun that harmed Taash), that sometimes parents do not understand their children at all and it's only up to children themselves to close the gap in understanding (Mythal, Solas and Rook), that familial love and desire to protect your family may turn into something ugly (Caterina being cruel to her grandchildren to prepare them for harsh realities of the antivan crows).

There is conflict in Veilguard, of intergenerational nature. Companions and their families, Rook and their faction leader, elves ancient and modern. It's up to the player how to deal with the last one. Humans, dwarves and qunari may not share blood ties with ancient elves but they still live in the world ancient elves created. As Rook, you're allowed to lash out in anger at Mythal and Solas. You can call Mythal guilty of all modern problems and fight her. You can bind Solas to the veil by force, call him asshole and express your frustrations with him multiple times throughout the game. You can also express sympathy and forgive them both. Because forgiving is neither condoning nor condemning, it's understanding and letting go. Being understood and allowed to peacefully let go of his mistakes is the exact thing that Solas needs to change his mind.

I believe that the Veilguard companions are one of the very best I've ever seen in a video game. They may not have as many different fates as for example Alistair has but is goodness measured with the amount of ways a character can be killed? I love the Veilguard crew because they all feel very real. Their personal problems are universal and very close to the player. Taash's story is not about being non-binary. It's about growing up, finding your place in the world, separating from your family and learning to appreciate it despite the mistakes your parents did while parenting you.

It's hard to decide who is my favorite. Taash's story made me cry but so did Harding's and Bellara's. The last scenes of Lucanis romance made me feral. I can't stomach the scene where Davrin and Assan die. The consequences of destruction of Minrathous/Treviso were hard to look at. I felt guilt, and if a game makes me feel something, it's a good game. I laughed, I cried, I was afraid and I felt joy, I was angry, I felt shame, I felt love. The game made me feel alive, I played through Rook's story like it was my own, what not to love about it?

The double blight wreaking havoc in Southern Thedas is sad but beautifully symbolic. Almost like a love letter from a long lost lover, It felt like bioware's meta commentary to me. "Yes, a whole lot of time has passed. We are no longer as young as we used to be, and so are you, not only the player, but our treasured friend as well. We have changed, you have changed and so did the world around us. Gaming and the video game industry are not what they used to be. We will never be able to go back no matter how much we want it because the only path that is left is the path forward. It doesn't mean that we no longer remember our shared past, no. We may not be able to go back but we promise to remember it fondly. We are still capable of creating beauty and the past will serve as a foundation for something new. We still have hope, and so should you".

The Veilguard to me is about nostalgia as well. I don't want to feed my inner Solas who sees the current world as sick. I want to make space for my inner Rook who is hopeful about the world just enought to fight for its future.

[windvexer]

This is in reply to a very long ask, which I would prefer to summarize.

As a young child, Anon and their mother left an abusive situation and moved into a new house.

When they moved, Anon began suffering from severe violent and grotesque intrusive thoughts even though they were a young child with no prior exposure to these things.

In order to cope, Anon shut out these thoughts as much as possible.

When Anon moved out of the house, these intrusive thoughts stopped and never returned.

Now, some years later and coming from a more stable place, Anon believes that these intrusive thoughts had a supernatural source. Not from a haunting spirit, but from the home itself.

Anon finishes the ask with: "So I think shutting out spiritual energy has become so deeply ingrained in me that I just can't get a proper practice going. Aside from getting good at warding to fill that role, I was hoping you had some advice on breaking down that barrier a bit?"

Anon, I hope I've correctly summarized your ask. I'm looking at it now on the other half of the screen to respond to what you wrote.

I am not going to comment on mental health issues. As you've said yourself, this is something you've worked through and doubtless you are very aware of the mental and emotional impact such a life transition could have on a young child.

Since I'm not qualified to speak on mental health or self therapy, let's move forward with the assumption that you did experience something supernatural - that something about the house, or within the house, was causing those thoughts.

It's my experience that the scariness of a supernatural event is often unrelated to how "powerful" that event was.

Many people who experience overwhelming negative spiritual contact tend to set out with the point of view that because these events affected them so strongly, that the event must have been caused by a very powerful force.

When I was in my first apartment, there were old hard water stains in the toilet bowl. My room mate scrubbed and scrubbed all day with zero progress, and declared the bowl to be permanently stained.

I went in and dumped some toilet bowl cleaner in, and the stains came out in about five minutes.

Despite all the work, my room mate had failed to use the necessary cleanser to actually resolve the problem.

It's just the same thing with unwanted spiritual contact. People use the wrong tools for the job, and declare the situation hopeless.

But more likely than not, the people who tell me they are struggling with debilitating spiritual symptoms have never tried any act of magic to resolve them, at all.

And more likely than not, the very first ward they try will resolve it.

Supernatural problems may be very difficult to resolve through mundane means, but they tend to be easy to resolve with supernatural means.

In my experience, a vast majority of people experiencing overwhelming spiritual contact can resolve the problem with basic warding.

I know that you're not in that old house any more, but I want to emphasize that dealing with these sorts of problems is really not as difficult as most people think.

You shouldn't set yourself up to think that it will take months of study to craft a serviceable ward, or banishment, or cleansing. Doubtless you could do all of them right now, if you had a decent recipe book in front of you.

I believe you could probably do this even if it was the first spell you had ever cast.

My first piece of advice is to ward pretty well. If you do not want to deal with surprise spirits popping up, I would recommend a pretty heavy-handed ward that limits most spiritual ingress.

This isn't because lots of spirits are guaranteed to appear, although in my experience it can happen to new practitioners. It's just about creating a safe space where you feel confident exploring the things around you.

A personal protection, such as a protective amulet, is also very helpful. For people really worried about spiritual protections, I recommend two; an "everyday use" amulet, and a very "heavy" protection likened to a suit of armor.

Protections need to be maintained. If you want to be a witch, learning how to monitor, feed, and manage ongoing protections is an important skill for beginners. Working with wards is an excellent way to learn this.

You should learn one method of cleansing and one method of banishing. These can both be more mild, "everyday use" sorts of spells. By this I mean you don't have to go nuclear - again, even very mild magical action goes a long way towards resolving supernatural problems.

I recommend this because it is very helpful as a witch to learn that you can control your environment, and start unlearning helplessness towards the vibes.

Many people who have an affinity towards the supernatural become helpless towards the dreary and damaging fogbanks of deleterious energy that settle around people and places. They become helpless because they don't know how to resolve it; it's just there, and it's something they experience, and that's that.

But you don't need to do that, because you have the tools to correct it.

Begin practicing, as often as you have an opportunity to do so, the art of adjusting the vibes. Teach yourself how to cleanse and revitalize spaces so that it's enjoyable to let your guard down and soak up what's around you.

Unlearn any internalization: "ugh, every time I'm in this room I feel terrible, even though I shouldn't. I don't know what's wrong with me." Begin pushing back. Fix spaces. Protect against unsavory people whom you can't avoid.

This undertaking, by and large, will teach you plenty of magic.

You should consider getting reacquainted with your spiritual senses through energy work, not through contacting gods or spirits.

This really eliminates the worry about contacting "something out there," and lets you focus on just playing about with some energies.

It can be danged useful, too. Learning how to shield - even something as ubiquitous and basic as a sphere of white light - can be significantly helpful towards blocking out unwanted supernatural contact.

Try warding your space for peace of mind, and then practicing some of the common energy work exercises: energy balls, grounding roots, cycling energy through the body and earth, breathing energy in and out, raising shields, channeling energy into objects, centering/reclaiming energy, and so on.

If you'd like to work with spirits, try talking to a tree that gives you really good vibes. Trees are often - but not always - remarkably friendly, especially domesticated trees in urban or suburban areas. They also tend to be more talkative than rocks.

You don't need to leave offerings or set up a contact schedule or anything. But if you feel that you're prepared to start reaching beyond yourself, a tree is a decent guy to start talking to.

Magically speaking, some people really have tapped down their own psychism and connections so much, that it becomes an actual blockage.

If you're trying to do magical or psychic work and you can't shake a weird feeling that something is actually in the way, like a boulder blocking the path, then this is of course a magical boulder and should be addressed through magical means.

You can try three things:

The first is personal cleansing of any sort, but especially done with a focus to remove magical blockages and barriers. Be aware that this may need to be done multiple times over a period of weeks, or longer, to take effect. If multiple cleansings are necessary, this is preferable over intense "lightning strike" cleansings that can rip things open.

The second is to give yourself permission. In your original ask you mention being familiar with shadow work, and so perhaps you are familiar with the idea of granting yourself permission or authority to engage in things, which deep down you are nervous of doing.

The third is to build a shrine that honors your own psychism and your own connections. Almost imagine that you are building a shrine to a lost god, forgotten for so long that he's turned to ash and dust. Burn candles, light incense, and give offerings to your own ability to connect. Lovingly tend to it, and treat it as a wayward spirit who now needs to be called home, nurtured, and restored to its rightful throne.

[nedjsmlfavs]

So Derision Broke Me…

Derision (Miraculous S5E14) made some choices that fundamentally broke Marinette’s character for me to the point where I’m having trouble motivating myself to keep writing for this fandom. I figured I’d write down my thoughts and see if that helped me get into a headspace where I can ignore this episode like I do any other writing choices I’m not fond of. If anyone has some words of wisdom, I'd love to hear them.

In Derision, we learn that Marinette has some serious trauma surrounding love. When she was 13, she confessed her love to Kim and was rewarded with a box full of spiders. This “prank” understandably left her traumatized and shaken to her core. In response to that trauma, she vowed to never confess her love to another boy. Not unless she knew everything about him.

This “prank” and several others are revealed to be the fault of Chloé. As for why she’s doing this, well, we’re never given a reason why Marinette is the target. However, we are told the motivation for Chloé’s actions. Rose blames them on the fact that Chloé was abandoned by her mother. Mylène responds to this observation by pointing out that she was also abandoned by her mother, but that didn’t turn her into a bully! Which is a fair point. People react differently to trauma and trauma doesn’t justify bad behavior or undo the effects of those bad behaviors. At the most, trauma explains why the behavior is happening. A lesson that Miraculous has given us before.

In the character Félix’s titular episode, Félix shows up and starts treating Adrien poorly. This leads to this exchange between Adrien and Plagg:

Plagg: What's up with that cousin of yours? First, he searches through your things, and then, the most unforgivable thing of all, he squashes my hunk of goat's cheese under your pillow! I'd been maturing that baby for two weeks! Do you realize? Two whole weeks! Adrien: Listen, Plagg. Félix lost his dad not so long ago, he's probably not himself. Plagg: I'm sorry, but there's just no excuse! You never touch my cheese, and yet, you just lost your mother not so long ago, right?

And, once again, this is a fair observation! The fact that Félix’s father died does not justify Felix trying to ruin Adrien’s life. All it does is explain his motivation. 

Trauma does not excuse hurting others. When trauma has negative effects on us, it’s up to us to work through those feelings either on our own or, ideally, with the help of loved ones and therapists. We are never justified in lashing out at innocents who had nothing to do with our trauma.

This brings us to the topic of Marinette. 

The fact that Marinette has trauma around romance does not justify her treatment of Adrien. Breaking into his home, trying to sabotage his relationship with Kagami, and all of her other obsessive behaviors are not okay just because she was traumatized by Kim. If Chloe and Felix are not excused by their trauma, then neither is she.

So why am I only bothered by this now?

Because, before this episode, Marinette’s behavior was very clearly a joke. It was, in my opinion, a bad joke, but it was a joke and, when it comes to writing, jokes have to be looked at differently than things that are played straight.

Miraculous relies heavily on absurdist humor. That’s why you’ve got an episode where Adrien and his teenage friends throw an unchaperoned party attended by a bunch of random adults. A thing that would be horrifying and upsetting in reality, but is fine in the show because it’s clearly played as being ridiculous and over the top. I mean, just look at this scene. Anyone taking this seriously has clearly lost the plot.

Marinette’s obsession fell under the same category. Something that would be very wrong in reality, but was obviously being played up for laughs. I was always under the impression that, without the absurdist humor, she’d be significantly toned down and that’s why I just sort of tolerated it in the show. Not my idea of a good joke, but clearly a joke so meh. I can overlook it while watching the show and, when writing her, I can be true to her character while not including this level of obsession because I don’t write crack fic.

Derision changed that. It took 4.5 seasons of questionable jokes and tried to justify them. And that? That is a terrible idea. Because there is no justification for Marinette’s behavior just like there is no justification for Chloe’s behavior in the exact same episode. What they’re doing is wrong and, at best, their trauma explains their behavior. It does not justify it.

Plus, hey, remember how Derision said Kim was a terrible person for laughing at Marinette’s trauma? Isn’t that the exact same thing that we’ve all unknowingly been doing for 4.5 seasons? Kinda makes it hard to rewatch old episodes where her crush was played for laughs, doesn’t it? I hope you’ve never laughed over Marinette’s behavior because, if you have, you’ve been making fun of her trauma and so have the writers.

And that sums up why this episode really bothers me. I either have to ignore a character’s trauma or I have to accept that her trauma has apparently made her unhinged and address it. Because if her behavior is not a bad joke, then the salters are right and Marinette is a total creep. I’m trying my hardest to choose option one, but I’m struggling.

It’s not that Marinette is the only character with questionable behavior. Adrien as Chat Noir is often written as overly persistent and obnoxious when it comes to his crush. It’s not great behavior, but it’s not a consistent characterization nor is it a major flaw. I can fix it with a quick character arc about boundaries or ignore it and (in my head) say that arc happened off screen because I have no doubt that this sort of common teenage issue could be overcome with relative ease. Because when Chat Noir is put in a situation where he could clearly violate Ladybug’s boundaries? He doesn’t. He is, ultimately, respectful. He just needs to be told that respect is more than listening to the explicit “no”.

Deep-seated trauma that leads to stalking? That’s not a minor flaw. It’s a major issue that reveals the need for psychological intervention. I’m not gonna give that to a teenager and fix it with the power of friendship and communication. Nor will I give the stalker her prize. I’m gonna keep him safe because, if Marinette has this level of romance-based trauma, then she is not mentally well enough to be a relationship with someone.

You see, I’ve had people with obsessive crushes who violated my boundaries. A loved one of mine had to get the police involved because of someone’s crush on them. Stalking and obsessive behavior is not a joke. It’s traumatizing, but even though I have that trauma, Miraculous never bothered me because of how the stalking was played as a joke.

Joke's over, though. As of Derision, we are supposed to take Marinette's behavior at face value.

So, yeah. I don’t know where I go from here. It’s been a week and I just have no desire to ever touch Marinette again. If anyone has some words of advice, I’d love to hear them. And I’m sorry, but it may be a while before anything of mine updates.

[gray-r-regan]

Mental health:

If you're neurodivergent and you've always thought a "gratitude practice" sounds like bullshit, I understand.

But the reason you do it is to counteract our natural negativity bias.

You probably know this is where the human brain focuses hard on the bad stuff because that's what we want to avoid in the future, and it focuses harder depending on how bad the bad stuff was, and that's where you get PTSD from, essentially.

Our brains do not hold on to the good stuff, generally, except in the moment. That stuff doesn't stay unless you're actively dialing in, paying attention, focusing and appreciating.

This is why bad days/months/years feel longer than good ones, generally:

Time is what happens when you string events together in your mind as though they were linear.

Imagine good things are yellow beads, and bad things are red beads.

If you're not paying attention to and being actively grateful and appreciative, your brain will ONLY use red beads. Then your "time string" is longer, because there are so many red beads, and you didn't focus on, or attempt to actively create, though changing your perspective, any yellow beads.

Good day? Didn't tell yourself how good it was? Brain sees nothing important here.

Brain disregards.

Guess what?

When you search your brain for good days, but you don't tell yourself stories about them, or think about how good they are, or write them down, or talk about them?

They won't be there. They didn't imprint.

And that is how you craft happiness and positive memories.

By snatching them and taping them up on the walls in your brain.

The world doesn't do it TO you.

You do it, based on how you think about what happens to you.

This is what they were trying to say (in very autistic language) in this image:

It's true, it's just worded so clinically that it seems too simple and stupid to be true.

You create the pathways in your brain through how you respond to what happens to you.

You prune your brain like a bonzai tree.

You can trim it towards shriveling up in the darkness and hating everything, or you can trim it towards the light and feeling better.

Yes, some things make this extremely difficult. Yes, medication is necessary sometimes. Yes, therapy can help.

But this is how it works.

If you're deep in it, it's going to feel fake and stupid at first and you may have to try neutrality before positivity.

"Yes, this is happening and it's hard."

Instead of, "I wish this wasn't happening, it shouldn't be happening, this isn't fair, why me, I wanna unalive myself."

Then move to:

"I am strong enough to survive this. I love and care for myself enough to get through it and I'll be okay."

Or whatever words of that sort speak to you.

It's about breaking habits and it DOES WORK.

Plus!

Your behaviors are generally dictated by your habitual thoughts.

So if you want to change your behaviors, gear your thoughts towards the ones you want.

Think like the person you want to be would think and, with time, you will become them.

ALSO:

This is why you feel a hunger for things sometimes that you just can't satisfy:

Your brain doesn't know it happened unless you focused on it, paid attention to it, soaked it in.

It can't tell.

Gaming? If you're thinking about other things for four hours while smashing buttons, and thought that one cute thing that lasted five seconds was great?

You gamed for five seconds, as far as your brain is concerned.

Sweet foods? If you're on your phone, watching TV, etc, the snack never happened, so you'll just keep wanting it as if you never had one.

Your level of engagement = the depth of any experience's imprint on your brain/memory.

This also goes for rest.

Worry or feel shame/anxiety the whole time and your body doesn't feel safe enough to repair itself.

Repair mode exists for a reason.

We just forgot how to use it.

[golbrocklovely]

That’s exactly what i meant. You voiced it perfectly. I personally do not know how to feel about Malia, but that feeling is only coming from a place of not knowing much about her, because she isn’t really a public person like snc or even Katrina are. She just enjoys her time on social media, but for the most part she is hella private person and hey. I respect that, cause looking how people are on Internet, it makes very much sense to want to protect yourself from them (also your relationship, cause many relationships that were public ones - i mean in a way that they constantly would post eo and their daily lives on socials, eventually would break up). I don’t like her, but i also do not hate her. And if Colby is happy with her or even loves her, then i am happy for them and wish them all the best. I mean it would be weird to call yourself a fan and not be happy when your idol is happy.

And on the other hand, Shea and Colby shippers are more annoying than Solby shippers.

i agree with you. i think it's one of those things that fans can't accept bc in their minds, they have control over colby and his decisions. mostly bc for a long time, when fans would tell him to jump, he would respond with "how high". but for a little over a year now it seems as if he doesn't plan on listening to fans like that anymore, and i think that's for the best in the long run anyway.

bc he gave them so much power, they thought they controlled him or had say over what he chose to do, which just isn't the case.

the problem also is, so many fans (shea shippers and more) expect him to be with one of three ppl: shea, stas, or amber. or a rare fourth one, a fan of some sort. it's odd how many fans want this y/n fantasy to play out either via themselves or the holy trinity as me and my friends refer to them as lol

anyone outside of that is a no go.

so when malia came into the picture, and she wasn't what fans expected or wanted, they thought they had a say in telling colby to break up with her. and not only that, they thought she was just another fling of his. but when that didn't work, they went ballistic. which is why for months the hate for her and him has upticked to a level i never expected. like i knew when he got a gf, fans would lose it. but this is a different level altogether.

i personally don't love or hate malia, but i would say i have more positive feelings for her rather than negative.

at the end of the day, regardless of how any of us feel, colby is happy. you can lie to yourself all you want bc he doesn't smile in pics or bc they look too posed in their pictures. it doesn't matter. he loves malia, that's is abundantly clear. and you have to accept that and his decision to be with her. and if you can't, you're not a fan of him. i'm not saying you gotta love malia, but hating her will do literally nothing. so just accept it and move on. and if you can't, leave. it's honestly that simple.

(tbh anyone that heavily ships him with someone that isn't his gf is equally annoying in my eyes, but i getchu lol)

[maskedrealities]

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Basics

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・❥・ Name: Lilith

・❥・ Age: 21

・❥・ Pronouns: She/They

・❥・ Gender: Intersex Woman (transfemme, intersex traits)

・❥・ Orientation: Demiromantic, Demisexual, Omni, Poly

・❥・ Extra: I’m American, Japanese, and Korean and currently reconnecting to Japanese heritage before connecting to Korean.

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Get To Know Me

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・❥・ I am someone who identities as non-human due to past trauma and cannot easily identify with human experiences. I associate more with demon/devil, puppet/doll, vampire, and angel. These labels help me have a better understanding of myself and allow me to love myself more.

・❥・ I actively enjoy reading, writing, photography, gaming, and making art. My favorite games include Halo, Assassin’s Creed franchise (particularly fond of the first, Mirage, and Valhalla), Jedi: Fallen Order/Jedi: Survivor, Stardew Valley, Minecraft, and otome games (major fan of Shall We Date games).

・❥・ I write more poetry but I’m getting into fledging more into books. I actively despise AI “art” as it takes away from the process it takes to learn and shape your own designs while writing. It also isn’t art, it is something that has used works of incredible people and takes away from the artist.

・❥・ I am an active fan of Hozier, STARSET, Breaking Benjamin, Three Days Grace, Set It Off, Sleep Token, Citizen Soldier, 8 Graves, Fall Out Boy, Hollywood Undead, and many more.

・❥・ I deal with a lot of things regarding obsessive thoughts and behaviors relating to my disorders. I do consider myself to be a yandere as it gives more details into how my disorders affect me and I support other people that have reclaimed the term.

・❥・ I am an intersex individual and learning more about my community and learning to be more comfortable with myself.

・❥・ My religion is mainly surrounding Norse paganism. I do not claim the people that use the religion as a means of supporting any sort of bigotry. I do not support ANY type of bigotry here.

・❥・ I actively enjoy making friends and answering questions. Please feel free to talk to me!

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Blog Related:

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・❥・ The only tags I will post under will be regarding to the blog itself, such as #maskedrealities and #lilith speaks/#lilithrambles/#rambles of Lilith.

・❥・ My blog is where I get to be unapologetically me. I will not conform to what others want of me.

・❥・ I actively do not mind others needing a place to go either, you are more than welcome to send something via message or ask as a means of just talking to someone. Though I cannot say I’ll be quick to respond.

・❥・ Anon asks will always be a thing, but any hate will include me laughing in your face. If you’re going to waste my time and your time being negative, I can at least find some joy in how much you must hurt someone else because you aren’t able to appreciate yourself.

・❥・ I am not required to be nice.

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My DNI:

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・❥・ Homophobes, transphobes, racists, any and all types of bigotry.

・❥・ Pro contact, anti-recovery paraphilias (I.e pedophilia, zoophilia, etc.). If you are actively getting help or are no contact and pro-recovery, feel free to interact.

・❥・ Political things. I know the world is going to shit, but I can’t stand it.

・❥・ Anti goodfaith, anti mspec labels.

・❥・ Anti neopronouns/xenogenders.

・❥・ If you actively mock or hate furries, therians, otherkin, otherhearted, non-humans, etc.

・❥・ If you use any sort of regression as a means of supporting pedophilia.

・❥・ Anything dealing with self harm or eating disorders.

・❥・ If you judge kinks/what someone likes.

・❥・ If you preach about “closed culture” and try and remove people from that culture away from it and need “proof.”

・❥・ Anything related to Christianity. I love you guys and what you believe in, but I have personal issues related to the religion and I don’t want that to cause harm for either party.

・❥・ Pro harassment people.

・❥・ TransIDs/radqueers

・❥・ If you actively make fun of, mock, or harass people for taking the term “yandere” back to express their experiences.

・❥・ If you believe in any type of [disorder] abuse. Such as narc abuse, bipolar abuse, borderline abuse. These types of “abuse” don’t exist. Stop turning disorders into horror tropes.

・❥・ Endogenic/any type of non-traumagenic “system” and their supporters. A CDD must have trauma behind it.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── 💛 ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

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Extra Notes

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╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── 💛 ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮

・❥・ Thank you for your time and patience for reading through this! It means a lot to me that this was read or skimmed through.

・❥・ Things might be added, changed, or removed in the future. As of now, though, I welcome everyone that isn’t on my DNI to interact even without following!

・❥・ I hope you have a good day!

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── 💛 ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

•┈┈┈••✦ ♡ ✦••┈┈┈•

Bye Bye!

•┈┈┈••✦ ♡ ✦••┈┈┈•

[Begin ID:

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Sideways heart symbol Name: Lilith

Sideways heart symbol Age: twenty one (21)

Sideways heart symbol Pronouns: She/They

Sideways heart symbol Gender: Intersex Woman (transfemme, intersex traits)

Sideways heart symbol Orientation: Demiromantic, Demisexual, Omni, Poly

Sideways heart symbol Extra: I’m American, Japanese, and Korean and currently reconnecting to Japanese heritage before connecting to Korean.

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Sideways heart symbol I am someone who identities as non-human due to past trauma and cannot easily identify with human experiences. I associate more with demon/devil, puppet/doll, vampire, and angel. These labels help me have a better understanding of myself and allow me to love myself more.

Sideways heart symbol I actively enjoy reading, writing, photography, gaming, and making art. My favorite games include Halo, Assassin’s Creed franchise (particularly fond of the first, Mirage, and Valhalla), Jedi: Fallen Order/Jedi: Survivor, Stardew Valley, Minecraft, and otome games (major fan of Shall We Date games).

Sideways heart symbol I write more poetry but I’m getting into fledging more into books. I actively despise AI “art” as it takes away from the process it takes to learn and shape your own designs while writing. It also isn’t art, it is something that has used works of incredible people and takes away from the artist.

Sideways heart symbol I am an active fan of Hozier, STARSET, Breaking Benjamin, Three Days Grace, Set It Off, Sleep Token, Citizen Soldier, 8 Graves, Fall Out Boy, Hollywood Undead, and many more.

Sideways heart symbol I deal with a lot of things regarding obsessive thoughts and behaviors relating to my disorders. I do consider myself to be a yandere as it gives more details into how my disorders affect me and I support other people that have reclaimed the term.

Sideways heart symbol I am an intersex individual and learning more about my community and learning to be more comfortable with myself.

Sideways heart symbol My religion is mainly surrounding Norse paganism. I do not claim the people that use the religion as a means of supporting any sort of bigotry. I do not support ANY type of bigotry here.

Sideways heart symbol I actively enjoy making friends and answering questions. Please feel free to talk to me!

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Sideways heart symbol The only tags I will post under will be regarding to the blog itself, such as #maskedrealities and #lilith speaks/#lilithrambles/#rambles of Lilith.

Sideways heart symbol My blog is where I get to be unapologetically me. I will not conform to what others want of me.

Sideways heart symbol I actively do not mind others needing a place to go either, you are more than welcome to send something via message or ask as a means of just talking to someone. Though I cannot say I’ll be quick to respond.

Sideways heart symbol Anon asks will always be a thing, but any hate will include me laughing in your face. If you’re going to waste my time and your time being negative, I can at least find some joy in how much you must hurt someone else because you aren’t able to appreciate yourself.

Sideways heart symbol I am not required to be nice.

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Sideways heart symbol Homophobes, transphobes, racists, any and all types of bigotry.

Sideways heart symbol Pro contact, anti-recovery paraphilias (I.e pedophilia, zoophilia, etc.). If you are actively getting help or are no contact and pro-recovery, feel free to interact.

Sideways heart symbol Political things. I know the world is going to shit, but I can’t stand it.

Sideways heart symbol Anti goodfaith, anti mspec labels.

Sideways heart symbol Anti neopronouns/xenogenders.

Sideways heart symbol If you actively mock or hate furries, therians, otherkin, otherhearted, non-humans, etc.

Sideways heart symbol If you use any sort of regression as a means of supporting pedophilia

Sideways heart symbol Anything dealing with self harm or eating disorders.

Sideways heart symbol If you judge kinks/what someone likes.

Sideways heart symbol If you preach about “closed culture” and try and remove people from that culture away from it and need “proof.”

Sideways heart symbol Anything related to Christianity. I love you guys and what you believe in, but I have personal issues related to the religion and I don’t want that to cause harm for either party.

Sideways heart symbol Pro harassment people.

Sideways heart symbol TransIDs/radqueers

Sideways heart symbol If you actively make fun of, mock, or harass people for taking the term “yandere” back to express their experiences.

Sideways heart symbol If you believe in any type of [disorder] abuse. Such as narc abuse, bipolar abuse, borderline abuse. These types of “abuse” don’t exist. Stop turning disorders into horror tropes.

Sideways heart symbol Endogenic/any type of non-traumagenic “system” and their supporters. A CDD must have trauma behind it.

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Top Border (Decorative): Decorative symbols in order of bolded curved line, lines, two dots, lines, yellow heart emoji, lines, two dots, lines, curved line.

Sideways heart symbol Thank you for your time and patience for reading through this! It means a lot to me that this was read or skimmed through.

Sideways heart symbol Things might be added, changed, or removed in the future. As of now, though, I welcome everyone that isn’t on my DNI to interact even without following!

Sideways heart symbol I hope you have a good day!

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End ID]

If anything is missing/wrong within the ID, please tell me. This is my first time trying to make an ID.

[klebald]

Hello Sire, it’s me, an anon, more specifically the 🪖 anon.

The thought of dissection, postmortem specifically, is so interesting. Next semester I’ll be able to do dissections in a professional setting. I find it so interesting how to brain works, how it reacts, what can break someone’s mind. They say once the mind is broken the body is not far behind. I don’t feel 100% human all the time, most times less than it, while other times I feel higher than the human race. Complex isn’t it?

I’d like to know your thoughts on that previous statement, not feeling human. Do you place yourself within humanity, below it or above it? I’m quite curious to know your true thoughts and perspectives on such things.

I apologize for my rambling, once I start to talk I don’t stop, it’s my curse. I think everyone is assigned a ‘curse’ of sorts, not mental illness (if that was case it’d be like 5 curses) or physical disability, but simply a major flaw. My flaw seems to be my mouth never shuts. I think one of those procedures that are preformed on dogs to keep them from barking would aid me well. My voice has caused many many issues, the bullying mainly. What is your curse? I’d like to pick your brain on it.

As you read this, you’ve woken up and I hope your slumber was good my sire. I hope the rest of your day is well, I may pop in or I may not, who knows?

-🪖

Hello to you, mutually, 🪖 anon. It is good to see your return. I have woken up a little before I got to responding to this, however, my rest was pleasant. Thank you very kindly. You are plenty welcome to pop in, I implore a little bit of visiting here and there. My day is very empty for the remainder of its duration, though, I am certain that it will be good nonetheless. Dissection interests me similarly, specifically postmortem - Anything postmortem holds my interest far beyond average and I have taken to intensive research on all it entails for a while, it is good to see somebody else fascinated by it. You will have to update me on those dissections, if we are still holding conversation by then. Brain activity while one is alive transfixes me almost as much as the process of death does, and one day, I wish to study the process if both, in an ideal world where I am able to and possess the time. The mind is what cultivates the body, and any neglect to tend to it is evident in some manner physically, in most cases. A broken mind will end you up with a broken body, but what breaks the mind in the first place? I ponder similarly to you, anon. To feel "human" is so nonlinear and intricate, whether we feel more or less is situational to myself, as well, and your phrasing on said situation resonates within me nicely. Complex indeed. As any answer for you, I place myself far outside of humanity and its bounds. Whether that is edgy or not is debatable, but, I do not connect with the others around me in any standard fashion. I find it hard to relate to others in their day to day, however, I have acquainted myself with the ability to mimic connection remarkably. What I notice is that I form short-term relations with others concerning often, make conversation, overexert myself in playing pretend and draw back in to my own being. I might say that I am possibly a "recluse", but even then, that is not entirely accurate, it implies the presence of humanity in an individual at one point in time. It simply has never been there. With that in mind, I relate parts of myself to be either 'above' or 'below', though, in relation to "I" as a being, the self - I am neutral. Most of my thoughts on me are negative, though I, the difference being the distinction in phrasing, am a plain absolute. The way that I word it makes it seem cryptic and somewhat nonsensical, and it might be, as well as a tad stupid, but I put continual thought into the idea. That means I get to ramble! You did ask, anyhow. :-P Just as I trailed on, I do not mind the idea of you doing so, either, you are more than permitted to not stop talking because I bare the same curse. With your idea relative, seeing how intensely I agree with the concept that you have put forward, I am not sure what my true 'curse' would be, not enough that I can give you an answer, anyhow, possibly due to how much I dwell on it. I would like to think that mine is the ability to think. That answer makes the most sense. Perhaps you could take a look inside my head, tell me what you think, hahah. Whether you dislike your voice, and by extension, speaking, I enjoy conversing with you, and I think that you bring forward worthwhile talking points. I apologize once again for the ramble, I really could not help it; I enjoyed writing all of this out, and it was a treat to get to hear from you, 🪖.

[snistr]

Not sure if I've posted about this before, but I had an idea for a character that I've been wanting to play against. A wanted connection, as it were. The details are under the cut, and if you're interested, feel free to either like this or send it back to me with some suggestions of your own!

I don't mind changing her name, of course, but for the purposes of this post, let's call her Tiffany. And I'm going to be breaking down this character idea into bullet points, just to organize my thoughts in some manner.

So, Tiffany is a muse that is heavily inspired by one of my favorite characters in fiction. Some of you may recognize the name Tifa Lockhart; if you know who she is, you’ll definitely see some similarities.

Regardless of whether or not she actually grew up on the countryside or in a small town, she has a lot of the trademarks of being a small town girl; she’s as sweet as can be, she’s selfless almost to a fault, and maybe a little naive. (Or at the very least, idealistic.)

Growing up, Tiffany lived in a very traditional household; her father was the parent with all the power, and she did her best to abide by his orders and live up to his standards. That being said, she loved/loves her dad very much. (Could probably even go so far as to say she was a daddy’s girl.)

Being a sensitive soul, it was - and on some level, it still is - easy for Tiffany to become attached to people… which had both positive and negative effects on her, in the long run. On the upside, she’s a very loyal friend - and partner, if she’s ever involved with someone - but on the downside, she doesn’t respond well to rejection or unreciprocated feelings.

She’s very much a people-pleaser.

Even if she might be oblivious to more suggestive interactions and/or advances, depending on the person, she loves being the center of attention, and being validated with compliments and the like. It certainly does wonders for her wavering self-esteem.

Tiffany’s relationship with sex can up to interpretation. On the one hand, her sexuality could be one of the aspects of herself that isn’t as developed as one might think; she could have a very sort of traditional view about it, where she’s hoping to save herself for the right man who, regardless of whether or not marriage is something she’s interested in, will sweep her off her feet. Or alternatively, she could be a very sexually active person. And that could come with its own conditions. Either she uses sex as something of a crutch to keep men around, because she knows that her body is something of a hot commodity to these guys… or she is oblivious to the idea of men using her exclusively for sex, because she personally enjoys it quite a lot.

Another sex-related characteristic that can be considered is how she specifically handles rough sex. Does she like being manhandled? Having her hair pulled, having her breasts squeezed, being slapped, being choked? Does she like to think of these as primal displays of strength from her male partner? Or does it frighten her? Does it make her feel lesser than? Does it really make her feel good, or is it more about making her partner feel good?

Occupation-wise, I usually picture her as a busty bartender that’s practically the face of the bar where she works. (Not just because of her looks, but also her very hospitable manner.) But I could also see her working in another sort of customer service job, like being a waitress at a diner or a secretary/personal assistant at an office firm.

And... well, that's all I got right now. As far as appearance goes, I do have a few girls in mind for her: one, two, three, four. I am open to suggestions or questions, though! Like honestly, I'd love to develop this character with somebody.

[eraserisms]

Someone has drawn to my attention that I do not have mobile rules So, here you go everyone!

BASICS

21+ Only

This a moderate to low activity blog and most things will run on a queue. I am an incredibly slow writer, so please have patience. I work a full time job and a part time job & writing takes a lot out of me. At the end of the day; this is just a hobby.

This blog will most likely contain violence, drugs and other NSFW themes. I’ll tag it as 'usft' or '/ usft'

I don’t put up with excessive negative posting, vague posting, character bashing, call out posts and drama of the sorts. It’s roleplay, it’s supposed to be fun. This is going to be a hard and fast rule for this blog. If I even see anything even tagged as drama or could easily be identified as vauging, I will not hesitate to unfollow.

Your DNI is your responsibility not mine. I cannot keep up with who has beef with who on this website or the stipulations or exceptions around people's DNI lists. If you see me interacting with someone that you don't want to see on the dash, its your responsibility to unfollow me instead of me guessing what's going on. If you are someone new that I'm thinking about following, I will take your DNI at face value and won't follow back/initiate contact in the first place if I follow people on your DNI.

Do not attempt to 'warn' me about other people unless they are a true danger. It isn't my business & I am an adult and can make my own decisions about people that I interact with. 

FOLLOWING

Firstly, this is a highly selective & mutuals only blog, I tend to get overwhelmed if I roleplay with too many people.

This blog is AU and crossover friendly. I actually prefer to write with characters that are outside of the BNHA fandom or even characters that I am completely unfamiliar with. Lately, I have been trying to steer away from the BNHA fandom in general.

I’m OC friendly as long as I have some sort of background for your character or an about page I can read.

It might take time for me to follow your blog back. I like to be thorough when reading other’s bios and more importantly, rules.

If you no longer want to follow me/interact, I insist that you hard block me and save both of us time.

If I see that you have been inactive for some time, I will likely unfollow your blog however, I will not hard block you. If you ever come back to RP-ing, I'd love for you to write with me again.

INTERACTING 

Shota’s characterization is a blend between the anime and the manga.

We shouldn’t have to talk about this but here we are, godmodding & metagaming isn’t permitted. With this in mind that doesn’t mean that Eraser is granted immunity from his actions. For example; If he chooses to provoke your muse and your muse reacts negatively, Shota will have to deal with those consequences, violent or otherwise.

Considering the nature of Shota’s power is kind of OP, in general I’m going to allow whoever I play with to use their digression as to whether his quirk is effective or not. I also won’t mind discussing this with partners preemptively, in fact I think in some instances I may prefer it. His abilities do have their limits and you can find more about the nature of his quirk here.

I am big on story-building and while I do enjoy winging threads, I also would like to know a general direction that we are going in.

I primarily view asks as 'prompt' work. I’m typically okay with having memes being turned into threads. However, if I don't see it going anywhere as far as an over-arching plot goes/not being able to work it into some sort of storyline, or think that the thread has run it's course; I may drop the thread/not respond. If you want to continue something that I have dropped; just talk to me about it.

I am very big on communication and I think it can really make or break a roleplay experience. I’m far from perfect and if something doesn’t make sense to you in our thread, let me know. If you want to drop a thread? Shoot me a message. If I've accidentally broken one of your rules, please remind me. Hell, if you want to send me a headcanon/random thought at 3am on discord? Go for it.

Anything that I tag you in is free real estate for you to reblog. Do what you want with it. Frame it. Go for it.

SHIPPING

I do play Shota as a homosexual, however I’m a little flexible with this if Shota and your character have some sort of chemistry. (More about this can be found here.)

On the topic of relationships, I generally don’t roleplay smut and prefer to imply what happened or fade to black, I don’t mind writing ‘the-morning-after’ threads.  I may respond to some dash games with USFW content or drabbles/metas. I might even do them in ask memes/send some asks, but don't expect it to go anywhere. This rule may change once I feel comfortable here again.

I will not be shipping Aizawa with any minors, especially his students. This also applies to students who are ‘aged up’. If you even try to approach me about this you will be blocked.

Multi-shipping is fine with me 

With that note, some of the ships I like to write are; EraserMight, EraserCloud, EraserMic, EraserKing, EraserOC but I am fairly open-minded about this.

Depending on circumstances, I will write EraserCloud as a previous relationship that Shota has been in and sometimes I will not.

MUN STUFF 

I go by D.A. & I use he/him/his pronouns 

I don’t have many triggers so I don’t feel that anyone needs to tag anything in particular for me. I will however tag triggers for whoever I write with.

Duplicates are chill, I love duplicates and sharing ideas with other Eraserhead writers. I actually even have a verse specifically for duplicates. Just don’t take my stuff and by that I mostly mean the family that I have built around Shota

My discord is available upon request.

Let’s have fun :)

[planetpolyglot]

[006] thanks, but no, but thanks!

speaking both french and japanese means that more often than not i am caught between two polar opposites.

according to my mother, when someone gives you a compliment, the polite response is to refuse it, because accepting it comes off as arrogant. (think regina george and her "so you agree, you think youre really pretty" spiel.) that backfired real quickly in front of non-asians. when i first started learning french, my teacher offhandedly said to me, "tu dessines bien, toi!" to which i responded "je ne suis pas d'accord" with a big smile on my face. the poor woman, she was so shocked. "mais astro, on ne dit pas ça, il faut dire merci!" i was very happy to have something to be humble about, but not many westerners seem to understand that, even when i spell it out to them. i think it might be because self confidence is such a prized quality in the west, it tends to overshadow everything else.

and then there's japan. somehow the only situation where saying thank you is wrong is when receiving a compliment. on top of that, most compliments that the japanese give are usually extremely backhanded but will be played as sincere to disguise whatever negative sentiments they may have. i once went to a 24-hour karaoke with friends i didnt know very well at the time, the cheap chain kind where we could get drunk without breaking the bank. one of them took a bite of their food and without any prompting, announced that their plate looked and smelled great, implying that it tasted like shit. if she had meant what she said, she would have told us before she started eating. some japanese people steer clear of me because i almost always mean exactly what i say, and that terrifies them. on the other hand, ive met plenty of people who find my candor refreshing.

i was bullied for all sorts of things at school, by mean popular girls who disguised all of their insults as compliments, including but not limited to: "your calves are enormous, where did you get those?" "you know so much, it's like you're autistic or something" "wow, you fit through the door!" and when i was visibly sick, "you've lost so much weight thanks to your aids infection!" i now have a hard time working out whether someone means well or not because ive gotten so used to being in defense mode all the time.

things are looking up for me though. cant believe im now surrounded by people who actually like me. it takes getting used to. maybe one day i can accept their love without having to think twice, but until then, my life will still be a delicate balancing act between "thanks" and "no", and im ok with that.

[weebsinstash]

Oh my god so I tried True Luna again and, I'm just gonna summarize the few chapters I've picked up

>quick recap: Protag Emma has been bullied for years by Sienna the best friend of her brother Andrew, who literally raised her after their parents died, and Alpha Logan. They never believe Emma and basically just tell her that she's jealous Sienna spends time with them. Sienna slowly escalates in aggression over time, and is literally in Emma's house insulting her daily but switching to "loving big sister" in front of Logan and Andrew. After turning 18, Emma is rejected by her mate, Logan, because he deems her too weak, too young, and not emotionally strong enough to be his mate and does not even give her a chance. Her brother even agrees. She literally overhears them talking about how she is not strong enough, when the truth is she's actually been training in combat in secret for years.l with one of the only people truly on her side, Jacob. Sienna even breaks her rib and eventually has her kidnapped and tells the lie that, Sienna will tell Logan and Andrew that Emma attacked her and ran away to be a rogue. Emma is being horrifically beaten and tortured and poisoned while Sienna goes to tell them, and they believe 100% never even doubting that Emma attacked her and plan to punish her. I dropped the story just as she was being rescued and came back bc I got another ad for it and dexises I wanted to see Emma responding to them after being rescues

So recap over, here's just, the bullshit:

>while Emma is getting medical treatment the story keeps cracking jokes about how, oh mates are so possessive of being touched by other males, even with doctors, but it's not fucking funny. Emma is literally needing medical treatment and Logan is growling because oh no men are touching her to. Hook her up to IVs and give her syringes of medicine.... At some point she needs a blood transfusion from Andrew, HER BIOLOGICAL SIBLING, and later on Logan is like "ugh I don't like that she smells like him 😤" like bro she isn't going to fuck her own brother what in the actual hell is wrong with you? This isn't attractive it is actually CREEPY

>speaking of creepy, despite Andrew being her family and blood and the man whonraised Emma, the doc is like, "hey we think there's a possibility Emma could have been raped, can we do a pelvic test and stuff, LOGAN? We need YOUR permission since you're her mate" HE REJECTED HER. Like I understand where they are coming from but, to me, this is the man who caused this entire scenario giving doctors the permission to, just, ugh. Touch her without even asking her, and the test is negative and uh, I bet they won't even tell her they took the test at all

-when she finally wakes up she thinks she is literally dead and in heaven because that is literally the only scenario she can imagine Logan and Andrew coming to save her and she even tells them that. Jesus Christ they hurt her trust so bad

-she has to literallt argue with then so she can have some time alone just to think because Logan for some reason says he accepts her as his mate and Luna and she says she wants time aline to rest and have peace and. Ugh. Later on she's in pain, from the torture she never would have gotten if they had just RESPECTED HER, and she wants to see Andrew, and she thinks "oh, maybe Logan can come too, when he touched me it made my pain go away, maybe I can ask him to hold me"

>SHE IMMEDIATELY follows this up with "oh no but I dared to ask him for some personal space! How awful how dreadful how terrible! I am just so UNGRATEFUL for asking one of the men who made this all happen and gave me trauma to give me some personal space while I'm half dead. I'll just ENDURE THE PAIN SINCE I DESERVE IT"

Now. The reason why this bothers me. Is because, Emma's reaction is kinda normal, she has a lot of trauma and feels silenced and unheard and isolated, but, as a reader, I can TELL Logan and Andrew are not going to face any sort of retribution for this. "Oh their real punishment all along was seeing Emma so hurt because of them" no I actually want them half dead if you want me to be perfectly honest. They face, no real consequences besides hurt feelings and now there are narrative plot points basically forcing Emma and Logan together? Oh we have to cuddle so your wounds heal even if you don't really want to touch me? I'll be blunt and say that's a really uh, rape fic-y concept. It's not even, like, enjoyable because Logan doesn't deserve her at all.

Like, you know what they decide to do? They choose to horrifically torture Sienna for what happened. They're literally going to barely keep her alive and toeture her over and over before they'll eventually kill her. And I found myself literally standing here wishing that Sienna would tell them to their faces "you hurt her so bad she immediately believed you would abadon her" but no, this is treated as Andrew and Logan "winning" and they literally leave rhe torture room "drenched in Sienna's fresh blood". To me, this serves no actual purpose to assuage their own personal guilt and deflect responsibility. Like I am literally sitting here thinking "if I was Emma I would legitimately want Sienna to be let go, not to help Sienna, but to punish Logan and Andrew with the guilt that they caused this"

It's just so unsatisfying to see people be blatantly shitty to someone they are supposed to love, like be literal actual soulmates with, and are still rewarded with that person and for all of this to be presented as like, romance goals. Am I supposed to be like, swept off my feet that Logan is suddenly so dedicated and wonderful where, whenever it shows his POV, he's literally violently jealous and wanting to hurt the ONE person who has truly been on Emma's side, Jacob. Like Logan even immediately accuses Jacob of the one who leaked that Emma is a white wolf just. Because? Like awww, is the little pup jealous he's a piece of shit and that Emma has actually been getting true love and support from other people? Awww, poor you, YOU'RE the real victim here. God it is legitimately so hard for me to find one of these stories where the protagonist actually has any choice or agency. I've been meaning to make a post about the stories I DO recommend though so, maybe soon. I just, know we all like to be angry at fuck ass whack ass men sometimes and just wanted to ramble a lil haha

[freebooter4ever]

Hello! Another random anonymous but I kept seeing you’re posts about some relationship relating things and saw the negative stuff you’ve said about yourself. Even if they might be teasing jokes about yourself, you might not realize this (and not in a creepy way 😅) but you really are wonderful! I love seeing your posts and you’re personality!

You’re super pretty too! This might sound really random and weird (and I’m honestly probably not getting the right context of anything because I’m sort of confuse about the topic since English isn’t my first language and the events are hard to catch up with) but my grandma has found love when she was in her 50s and has lived a nice life.

I know your situation differ from hers but have faith in yourself. Nothing is wrong with you at all, it just takes time to find the person right for you and when you do, you’ll find someone who deserves you and you deserve them, if you wish to find someone to love of course. But try to remember that you should try and have some more love for yourself, no matter how tough it can get.

Just know that there are people out there and no doubt people waiting to meet you and love you. Haha sorry if this all sounds super weird and awkward, it’s just how the people of my culture see things. There’s always that one person out there who loves you and is waiting to love you 😊

Hi there! Not annoying at all, my entire blog could probably be classified as annoying, this is most definitely not a curated space :). I waited to respond to this cause i wasn't sure how.

First, im really sorry, i should probably tag my insecurity posts with trigger warnings, i know it can be...a bit much. and can hurt other people who read it. The good news is the insecurities usually only happen when im dating and i like...never...date. So as soon as i find a job i will happily go back to 'im too busy to date', and i can shove the insecurity back under the self hating rug. Its like a hornets nest - its only if you poke the nest that you get stung and i keep poking the nest lately.

Second, I apologize if i generalized too much, i am trying to be more aware of myself doing that. There's lots of examples of friends with good long relationships in my life - the friend whose wedding i'm going to has been with her husband for ten years, my other childhood bff has been with her partner for 11, and jelly bean and her husband have been married since 2015 and dating since college (lord we are old). And of the celebrity couples i kinda idolize, im pretty sure only steve ao*ki and recently rami (lol good for him) are the ones with break ups. (i have been REALLY entertained by the sheer sudden volume increase in thirst traps on steve's insta starting around the time nicole got cozy with this new guy and deleted her loving tributes to steve off her account - dont get me wrong i fully appreciate the photos and selfies, enjoying every minute of it but yeah he must be single right now LOL i would feel more bad for him if he hadnt been the one doing the dumping)(it must be hard dating with his insanely fast paced lifestyle though, i dont envy him :( ). So its absolutely a 'me' problem.

My only experiences dating over the years have taught me that i dont have much to offer that someone cant get through friendship (or friends with benefits) - entertaining and fun to hang out with but not pretty enough (or good in bed enough LOL) to be actually worthwhile. At this point its kind of a joke; "its saturday night, why are you calling me, dont you have somewhere to be?" "no, of course not, i was wondering if i could come hang out with your dog"

Thanks for trying to cheer me up? :) i'm sorry i'm an insecure mess!

[helperhome]

Reconnecting the Mind, Body, and Soul

2/?

The next steps...

So, you've written out your baseline responses and have taken ample time to reflect... now what?

(you got dat journal handy, right?)

First, and most importantly, write yourself a note thanking yourself for finding the strength to begin this journey. Congratulate yourself for everything you've been through and express gratitude for every experience, both good and bad.

Right now, we are at the beginning of the assessment phase, with new questions to ponder. If you'd like, do that check-in questionnaire before we dive in.

The questions for today:

How does my mind treat my body?

In what ways am I being unnecessarily hard on myself? (This can be strictly mental, or perhaps even physical if you wanna get deep into it.)

What do I feel I am missing in my life? Go back as far as you can to see where the problems have started. Ask your child self what they need.

How can I be the person I need?

This step is all about your actions. First, we assessed the way we were feeling, now we will look at the way we are treated, both by ourselves and others.

How do you treat your body? Be brutally honest with this one. The more honest you are in any process like this, the more you will get out of it so always try to keep that in mind. When you wake up in the morning, do you take care of yourself? Or do you neglect yourself, rolling out of bed 15 minutes before you have to be out the door? When you look in the mirror, do you think kind thoughts? When you are in the shower/bath, how violently do you wash yourself? Are you washing yourself the way you'd bathe someone you love and cherish?

When you make a mistake, how do you respond when no one is watching? Do you hit yourself or cause other bodily harm? Do you restrict your food/water intake? When you feel like you need a break from your current task at hand, how do you respond to yourself? Are you forcing yourself to skip the break and keep on moving? Do you feel anger and frustration towards your lack of energy?

When you're out and you see a couple, how do you feel? What is your initial response internally? Is it positive? Or, when you see someone bonding with a parent or adult figure, how do you feel? Do you feel bitterness or a lack of some sort? When you are with friends or family, do you feel heard? Do you feel like they truly care about the words you speak? Are they supportive when you do something degrading to yourself?

Chances are, these questions may have invoked a negative response from within you and thats completely okay! I asked them intending on doing so. Now that you've experienced your reaction to them, go back to the bulleted list and write out the answers to those questions. Be as thorough as possible, releasing all of the emotions that bubble up to the surface.

Right now, in the assessment phase, the goal is to gather as much data as we can. If we are going to tackle the puzzle within you, we need to have a full understanding of what we're working with.

[tsulaika]

I really like your hoffheight playlist, can you do like an explanation for the songs you chose, I’m just starving for content of this ship and to hear your reasoning!!

!!! I'd be happy to!! I'm also starved for content, so i'm happy getting any excuse to post about it. The playlist itself is still a work in progress (as most of my playlists are, i'm always looking for new stuff to add) so this will cover whats on it currently. hopefully this doesn't get too long. :3c I also wanna add: i'm gonna add some notes on the POVs for some songs if applicable. Okay, onto the actual thing!!! (also also i might skip over a few if i don't have anything to mention with them, or they serve the same sort of idea as another song.)

Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You. (hoffmans pov, but could be both tbh) basically, these 2 had a rocky start. i just can't picture them both being on good terms with each other once they first meet. mostly because hoffman is the way he is, and also the whole apprentice thing that adam would still be getting used to, with himself and the other apprentices; so his relationship with basically everyone is tipsy by this point. that is, until things would start calming down a lot more, and adam would start opening up. i think adam would turn from disliking hoffman, to just teasing and poking fun at him, because he thinks it's funny to annoy him. hoffman wouldn't love the new development, but it would be an improvement to their past relationship. everything would be pretty normal for awhile, until hoffman starts developing some new feelings (song pretty much comes in a lot more here) he's probably pretty annoyed like why am i catching feelings for this asshole. Adam starts taking a similar turn when he picks up on the new way hoffman starts responding to his teasing. things start to escalate from there.

Alex G - Adam. (hoffmans pov) i couldn't not, okay? similar thing to song #1. yknow that saying "he's being mean because he likes you"? yeah, thats hoffman. he will not accept what this ratty twink is doing to him. it's like subtle fight back on hoffmans side, like reversing what adam would do to him, but less "subtly poking fun" and more "gently bulling adam because hoffman doesn't know how to communicate properly."

Destroy Boys - I Threw Glass At My Friend’s Eyes And Now I’m On Probation. (adams pov) tbh reading the lyrics for this thing would be enough of an explanation, but of course i'm giving one anyway. adam has feelings but is actually normal about them, so when his teasing turns somewhat flirtatious, he doesn't know how to feel when hoffman seems to reciprocate in some form, but also pushes back on it at the same time... and hard. adam... kinda likes it and feels weird about it??? maybe getting pushed around by a man that could break you in half is kinda nice. so many lyrics i could point out here that make me think of adam SO HARD, i swear.i but will have self restraint.

She Wants Revenge - Tear You Apart. (both povs) 2 words, sexual tension. things are really starting to boil over. things are getting really intense between them one day and suddenly oh shit something happens and they've just had a one night stand. it is intense and messy and just full of repressed emotion. day after they're both complete wrecks and too nervous to talk about it and they're so flustered and uhfhgdggfg. they both sorta hoped maybe this would "fix" the situation, and instead it gets worse.

Dazey and the Scouts - Groan. (adams pov) adam eventually comes around and my god he is full of thirst. adam is getting clingy, and hoffman's not far behind. there's no point in hiding it anymore, they both know what they want and they're clinging to each other behind closed doors; and not even in a strictly risque way, they're generally spending more time around each other; they're still fumbling with communication, but they at least know the feeling is mutual, now.

Type O Negative - Love You to Death (both povs) not much to say. they're just so down bad for each other mannnnn.

Queens of the Stone Age - Sick, Sick, Sick. (both povs) + Ludo - Love Me Dead (adams pov) + Veruca Salt - Spiderman '79. i feel like these fit into adam accepting their relationship more, and admitting to himself that's he's no saint either. accepting his new life and reveling in the impurity between them both.

Queenandreena - I Adore You. (adams pov) things have started to calm down, and adams surprisingly comfortable around hoffman???? like, he used to feel at least slightly threatened by him just… being around him, but now he has sort of an oura of safety. we get hoffmans side of this in the next few songs.

Cigarettes After Sex - Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby + Landon Tewers - Sick Obsession. (hoffmans pov) hehehe (over)protective hoffman!! you can't tell me this man wouldn't be overprotective of that fragile little twink. istg adam sets off the "small defenseless creature that i must protect" signals off in hoffmans head, and adam getting into the occasional scuffle while doing apprentice work would not help (Sick Obsession fits that idea, i feel). also, knowing hoffmans history loosing loved ones, he does NOT want to go through another heartbreak like the one he went through after losing his sister. this man has abandonment issues and can not cope with them. GAH this took so long to write, but i'm really happy i got to. really fleshed them out, i think. thank you so much for the ask, anon! i had a great time getting to gush about these two. i hope this helped satisfy your hoffheight needs, like it did mine.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi, this is Chantal again. I'm not sure if you got my first ask, I still have it saved if you need me to resend it, but if you got it already, this is just an update on how things are going (tw for alcohol, chronic health issues, and death).

So my situation has gotten way more difficult lately and it's all connected to family issues. I mentioned in my first ask that I had a relative near death, it was my uncle (husband of the aunt who copes by drinking). He passed away (making it the second death I've had in my family in only 3 months). And once again I had to go through an extremely emotionally draining and disturbing funeral.

Now my aunt moved in with us. She brought alcohol into the house and she's constantly making references to drinking, including making a joke where she said alcohol is the "over-the-counter version" of an anti-anxiety medication. And now my mom is set to have surgery later this month. She's been in a very bad mood lately because she and my aunt get into a lot of disagreements. If I'm getting along with my aunt while my mom is mad at my aunt, my mom takes it as us supposedly teaming up against her. But if I get my aunt upset while my mom is on good terms with her, then my aunt complains to my mom about me, and my mom gets angry at me for not being nicer to her (even if it's just something like me responding in a less cheerful way than usual thanks to being tired, stressed, or in pain).

Basically everything from the first ask is still the same (my schedule is even worse now with my aunt living with us since I feel like it's really disrupted things, I'm getting frequent pain episodes, experiencing physical flare-ups from the intense amounts of emotional/mental distress I'm going through, and still don't have a doctor). I'm still feeling a huge amount of guilt over how I let my mental health negatively impact my physical health. And it just feels like I'm constantly overwhelmed and don't know how to handle anything since no one around me copes in healthy ways either and I feel extremely alone and hopeless. I am sort of back to work but I'm constantly feeling distracted, less productive than usual, underconfident in my abilities, and I'm always panicked about messing up. I feel like this can't last forever but at the same time it really does feel like it's one awful thing after the next and I can just never get a break. And I don't know how I should deal with things because I just feel like a mess beyond hope and shit keeps happening.

Hi Chantal,

I'm so sorry to hear that things have gotten worse since you last wrote in. I'm so sorry for your most recent loss. It's understandable that the funeral was draining for you.

It sounds like the relationships between you, your mom, and your aunt are becoming complicated as well, and they seem to be unable to recognize that you tend to have a more neutral stance whereas they either see you as for or against them, which only creates more conflict between each other.

Please know that there's no need to feel guilty for your mental health impacting your physical health because sometimes you can't necessarily prevent that from happening. I think it may be helpful to focus less on how your mental health is impacting your physical health and more on what's impacting your mental health to create that chain effect, identifying a root cause (or several, because there are many things).

I think in times like this it can be hard to remain hopeful that the future will be calmer for you. If possible, you may want to look into some mindfulness exercises as well as some self care practices to at least temporarily help relieve the stress of everything that's been going on for you.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[itsnotmandatorybee]

March 30, 2024

Saturday

6:10 PM

Every now and then, I put myself in a playful role as the villain of other people's stories. I convinced myself to do so 'cause that's what I think can protect me from flare-ups and maltreatment that I don't want to happen again like those of my early years. Don't get me wrong—my childhood's the best timeline I ever had in my life, but everything's changed in a snap. Many of you knew the story outside of it, but only a few can understand how much pain I need to endure in the way I come up with another version of me—a quacky nincompoop with a strange but strong personality, even though I know it's roughly weird for some.

Guess what? I don't care. I am Bernardo when no one's watching. If you partly saw me rooming around and buzzing like a bee, it's your judgment to decide whether it 'was me or not. Not even today do I give my bare minimum, so there's a lesser chance of knowing me better.

Not to think of any ruling or chances of surviving at a younger age, I moved to an unfamiliar place just to get up each day with those questions from my little me left unanswered. That spirit of mine that's only existing through my elder's mouth. That spirit of mine was hidden in every page of my journal. That, 'til now, I have played myself dumb and numb all at once—I must say, for the last few years, I can attest to how unhappy I was with my decisions. Though I'm like the waves in the ocean to explain things briefly, I've somehow had experiences that are way deeper than the ocean itself. They're not secrets. They're not even written. They're only existing in my shattered heart.

So, if it's you falling in love with my aphorisms and body language, don't dare to bite the dust. You'll find out sooner that I'm comparable to the cacti in the dessert. You better run.

So, if it's you talking negatively 'bout me behind my back, I want you to know that I know my mistakes. I can create a list and smack it to your face, and let you know that if you can't say anything good, so can I.

So, if it's you telling me that I should be grateful, ask yourself first if you are. So if you are, then that's good. It's none of your business if I feel gracious or anxious, unless it was me who did the favor to lose a grip and spill about it.

So, if you ever saw me paused or silent, then you might have seen my 0.1% true self. I might be thinking of me inside Mickey Mouse's clubhouse, or I'm in some sort of crisis, thinking about the foods I haven't tasted in years.

So, if you know me better, I'm not a coffeeholic. Yes, not really. Perhaps you're my ultimate bestfriend who can make a decent hot Milo in a mug with a bit of sugar added, with Chunkee cookies or Loaded Cheese on the side.

The bottomline is that I'm in a position where AI can create a better version of this writing than I can ever be. I'm in a situation where some people are fooled and rely on my wordings, waiting for my canned responses, what's my take about life hacks, Gaza, Marcos, Taylor Swift's CO2 emissions, love—it's evidently gross to make someone uncomfortable because he can't say or narrate too much, 'cause how is he supposed to do that if his time's consumable only for work and hobbies? Is it really mandatory for me to respond and label me as "masungit" or say "haya'n na naman siya" if I never speak?

Okay! I put myself in a playful role as the villain of other people's stories. So, what comes next?

It's still better for me to see my notebook pages blank. I don't want to fill it anymore, whether it's a good or bad story.

I want a little break.

—from the little candy wrapper