#tcfderuth

[ohmycale]

The Henituse Blended Family Frenzy

Deruth - has a wife and son, lost wife, isolated son, married another woman with child, father figure to said child (and possibly adopted later and of course, he has to win said child), gained a daughter, gained another sort of son in KRS

Jour - dead, has a son who is doomed

Cale - had parents, lost a bio parent to physical death, lost a bio parent to grief and later a new family (stepmother, stepbrother, half sister to be technical), lost his childhood caretaker (Ron), and other household allies/friends so his father's new family will be accepted

Violan - had a husband, had a son, lost a husband, got another husband and a title, got a stepchild (which is not close to and leaves everything Cale related to his father), gained a daughter, gained another stepson in KRS

Basen - had parents, lost a father (he barely knows AFAIK), got a stepfather (w/c graduated to father), got a self-sacrificing idiot of a stepbrother, gained a sister (technically half), a stepbrother w/c transmigrated from another world (KRS), will get a title

Lily - has two living parents, technically 2 half brothers from each parents (but I don't think she knows or care), possibly oblivious to previous partners of parents

I could write a either a tragic or comedic show with this dysfunctional family in mind.

Feelings aside, its easy to see how much Og!Cale lost out in the latter run/newer dynamics. Else him, everybody wins!

[slackerlifewhere]

In defense of Deruth

Fair warning, there will be some SPOILERS so if you haven't finished the first novel or you care about spoilers, I suggest you don't continue reading. Thanks!

I'm a reader of fanfics, manga, manhwa, manhua, and novels. I basically consume different stories whenever I'm bored (which I usually am).

But the things I've read most often involve parents, which I'm not really looking for but it's there so whatever.

I had to read stories with basically the same plot but different...ingredients but the thing I notice is that most stories involve abusive or neglectful parents. And it's weird to me. Like can't heroes or villains have good parents and they turn out the way they are because of other circumstances? Obviously, it's because authors want us to root for the character but for me, it's just lazy writing.

So imagine my annoyance when, after reading the first volume of TCF, I see several fics hating and trashing Deruth Henituse and saying he's the worst father in existence.

I get it. He's not the best father. His wife, who he loves very much, died and left him as a single father. He has responsibilities as a count and soon marries Violan who has Basen by then. They have another kid soon after, which is Lily. He seems to entrust the responsibilities of the heir to Basen after OG Cale's reputation took a nosedive. In a sense, he appears as if he doesn't care about OG Cale's feelings and reputation and looks like he's focusing on his other children.

BUT he's not the worst father either. Listen, you may hate him for whatever reason, whether you've consumed too many stories with bad parents or you see yourself in OG Cale, BUT he's an okay parent.

Let me list the top three fathers that are absolutely disgusting compared to him before I explain why I think he doesn't deserve all the hate he's getting:

1. Marquis Stan

We all know what happened to Taylor Stan and while we can blame it on Venion, it's also because of their father. Their father is basically an asshole who wants to see his children fight for the heir's position. And he doesn't care if they end up killing each other for it. It's basically like watching sports for him at this point. He's mainly the reason why Venion grew up into a twisted bastard. While yes, Venion is not innocent in any shape or form after what he did to his brother and Raon, it's obvious he became that way because of his father.

In fact, Taylor is also a victim of Marquis Stan's abhorrent parenting. He's not evil like his family but he learned to be independent and to fight back because he doesn't want to become like them. He died in the original story.

So yeah. Marquis Stan is absolutely disgusting and no one can change my mind that he's the worst existence among all the fathers in the story.

2. White Star

The only reason why he's not number 1 is because he's not a literal father but he does pose as one for DHB. If you know what he did to dragons, then I don't need to summarize it for you. For those who don't, you need to read the novel because it's going to be a long explanation. All I can say is that he's also the reason why DHB became so crazy. And honestly, I'm glad that even if Cale is very guarded at DHB, he still gave him the freedom to choose and repent later on.

3. Zed Crossman

He's the lesser evil of the two but he's kind of like Marquis Stan but tamer.

He basically has his three kids fight for the throne while ignoring or favoring one over the other. And he doesn't even try to hide that he doesn't care too much unless it involves his plans.

He basically wants to see who is more fit for the throne but he doesn't stop them from sabotaging one another.

Honestly, I put all the effort on Tasha and Obante's part that Alberu became a better person. Zed is completely useless.

---

So...is Deruth a bad father?

Before I answer that, here's the thing about OG Cale. He's a complex character who is grieving most of his life and wants to protect his siblings in his own twisted way. In order to do that, he needs to act like he's trash and push everyone away. But is that Deruth's fault? Eeeeh kinda but not really???

They both lack communication as father and son. In fact, the moment KRS, now Cale Henituse, was forcefully transmigrated into OG Cale's world, it's shown that Deruth is trying to communicate with his son.

The first few chapters show that he cares for his son in his own way when Cale sits down to join them in breakfast. He attempts to talk to Cale even though he was hesitant. He seems surprised but happy when Cale answered. Yeah, it's shitty that OG Cale's family and Ron didn't notice he got switched but in all honesty, it'll be hard for a normal person to come to the conclusion that a God was involved. If I were in their shoes, I would find it suspicious (probably thinking that something happened that changed that person's actions and personality) but I wouldn't think of transmigration or God of Death. Conspiracy theories aren't the first thing I'll think of. That's just dumb to use as an excuse for hating the Henituse family.

People, fans, want family drama but in all honesty, they're just ruining OG Cale's character in the way they do it. It's actually disrespectful to his sacrifice for his family. He made that deal with God of Death not only because he wants to see his mom but also because he wants his family to live after they all died in the war against the White Star. He lived through that war with him as the sole survivor of the whole family. That sucks. He could've stayed but he didn't want to and also because he already died in the future anyways. If he wants to help them as himself, I doubt he'll shut up about it to the God of Death, regardless if it's a literal god he's gonna argue with. Let me remind you that this guy is so stubborn, he made a trashy reputation to help his brother.

Instead of doing it himself, he chose to let KRS (who didn't know he's going to be involved in a war in another world btw) save his world and family in exchange for seeing his mother. He chose to leave not because of Deruth (not completely, at least) but because he simply wants to. And he's content with his decision, regardless of his regrets.

By the way, his mom, Jour, is also not pretty great if you think about her decision before she died (my unpopular opinion but whatever). I do think her final conversation with him and her following death traumatized him in a way that I can't help but feel angry for him. It's mainly the reason why he hates the Harris Village that Choi Han ended up in. It doesn't excuse his reaction to the village later on but it does explain why he hates the place, even if it's not their fault his mother died. So yeah, I don't like his mother (I'm not talking about her reincarnation btw. She's a kid). That's not the way to care for your son, ma'am.

Deruth is obviously trying but a relationship needs to work between two people and not just one. That's what you call a one-sided relationship, guys. It's why OG Cale and Violan are not close. Both of these characters don't try to be close, maybe not because they dislike each other but maybe because of a misunderstanding or whatever (who knows).

Cale only got close to her because he actually treats her with respect (also because...you know...he's an orphan and was abused as a kid so deep inside, he thinks Deruth and Violan are good but not the best parents). And whenever Cale gets hurt or is in a bad situation, we sometimes get their reaction. They're worried and angry for him. They want him to stay away from danger. In fact, the last few chapters are basically Deruth getting angry at Cale for endangering himself (completely understandable).

You can also argue that Deruth didn't try hard enough. Well, let me just tell you as someone who's been depressed since I was a kid that whenever my parents try to ask me what's wrong, I usually reply with "nothing" or "I'm fine." So for parents to try harder doesn't usually end up with a heart-to-heart talk unless the other wants to talk.

So yeah, I think KR novels and manhwa are basically the reason why some readers immediately jump in defense for the character they like because of possible abuse and neglect from parents. Without thinking about it properly. Like please, if you hate a character, at least try to understand them first and list down the other worst characters before you actually say that they're the worst.

Side note: The worst thing that I also notice is fans also target Basen and Lily. They include the whole Henituse family and write a fanfic about how abusive or neglectful all of them are. BASEN AND LILY ARE LITERAL KIDS. WTF ARE YOU GUYS THINKING. They didn't do anything to OG Cale??? They're just there?

Did I just create an account to rant about how stupid some fans are? Yeah, pretty much. You can hate on Deruth but don't include the kids. They're kids??? Without any involvement with OG Cale and Deruth's drama?

Reminder: I haven't read the second volume because I'm planning to read it when it's completely translated. That way, I won't have to wait too long for the next chapter.

[ohmycale]

I am late but this is one of the reasons why I advocate for no contact with Deruth.

Imagine this....

Your dad distanced himself and is not talking to you because of something that destroyed your family.

Your so-called 'dad' only reached out (albeit weakly) when he had his do-over family in the scene

He reaches out but it is always hesitant like he's unsure or afraid...maybe of you but you're not really sure

You killed your reputation in your kingdom so that your dad and his new family is accepted. You despaired because the relationship you're hoping never happened.

But when a new one comes in, suddenly everything gets good.

It makes you think that you are the problem.

Deruth Henituse bashing ahead, you have been warned.

I finally figured out why I hate Deruth Henituse. The novel, through Kim Roksu, barely lingers on his failings as a parent. Which, fair enough, I understand from a characterisation perspective why that wouldn't be a main focus. It just means I linger on that in canon's place. Why is Deruth satisfied with giving his child some exorbitant allowance? Why doesn't he ask at any point what it was used for, even when he thinks their relationship has improved? Why can he be a good person to everyone except OG!Cale? What is stopping him except his own cowardice and guilt?

There is not a single thing in LCF that redeems him as a father. We see how Ron grows to care for (KRS!)Cale, as well as Eruhaben and Fredo in their own pseudo-fatherly ways. We see how Deruth has not changed since 'Cale Henituse' improved. If he had been more grief-stricken finding out about Cale on-screen, maybe that would have redeemed him a bit in my eyes, but alas.

I need a scene where Deruth wakes up in the middle of the night heaving, tears streaming down his face when he realises that his son does not exist in their universe any more. When he realises his son has disappeared from their timeline, and likely did so believing everyone would prefer it that way. When he realises that belief is not exactly wrong, because everyone does prefer it this way.

That last realisation, he struggles with, because bad parents will never understand what they did wrong without significant internal struggle and a self-driven desire to understand. I need someone (Eruhaben, Ron, or even Violan) to notice his internal conflict and sit him down and ask him, straightforward and simple, "Which one do you prefer?" And they won't let him tell them his answer, that's not for them to know. But Deruth finds himself repeating the question over and over, which do I prefer?

It starts with 'neither, obviously, how could I pick a favourite?' but the guilt gnaws at him; his reflexive answer is not what his son, his sons, deserve. So he disassembles it all from there. What would he feel if they swapped back? What would he do then? Shower Cale with love, of course - but would he? Or would he find himself taking a step back, guilty and avoidant as always when it comes to his son?

And then, why would Deruth feel guilty? Because he hungers after a son who he can interact with without fearing Cale's hatred or resentment. He knows and fears his own inadequacy to heal their relationship. And the new soul doesn't mind it. The new soul, Cale, holds no expectations for him. No resentment. He doesn't know how to reconcile, but is there any need to if Cale is no longer the son he wronged?

So the answer to such a cruel question, which do you prefer, is... this one. The new one. The Cale that Deruth can be a proud father of, that he can hold his head high when talking about and fret over when he coughs blood or faints or leaves for another dangerous mission. The Cale that he knows exactly how to make happy. It's not hard, either, just food, rest and gold.

Deruth will never know how he could have made the original Cale happy. There is too much strife between them for Deruth to dare try to unravel it all, so he'll settle for wishing him all the best in future endeavours. This is penance enough, the guilt he will carry forever for not noticing sooner the loss of his firstborn son.

[ohmycale]

On Deruth moving on thing

Oh well, another revelation of the Henituse family

I don’t care if Deruth married Violan quickly or not.

What I care is that he didn’t give any shit to og!Cale with regards to his marriage. (Basen is probably too young to even understand). I would argue that if Deruth doesn't give a shit then people should not give a shit about him in return, especially his kid.

He married someone else without any care to everyone who will be affected by that marriage, especially his existing kid. And for you dissenters, give me a canon example of what they they actually did to counter this argument.

I understand he must be lonely. I doubt he's still grieving because he did marry Violan. But what does a second marriage serve if its foundations or the families blending are not ready? Or is it only the adults who got a say because it’s only their feelings that matter? If their feeling are the ones who matter – then it is just serving the couple, and not the whole family – as some people say that this family is about family in all things?

And to think, realistically, it takes almost five to seven years to properly blend a family. If Deruth and Violan got a shotgun wedding, then I guess they don’t really give a shit about their children. If they didn't, I wonder how much prep they did and still having core issues like communication. I have to commend how they resembled many single parents doing blending families in real life. Real children of blended families cut their own families for the same damn reason.

Sure they want to get married (and they have every right being adults) but eff the kids. Having the capacity to do something doesn’t mean they are right short and/or long term. Most of the time, it’s the kids who get the short end of the stick. Adults get their fill of having another spouse. Og!Cale is still clinging to Jour's memory and Basen is probably was too young for the marriage and most likely, doesn’t even know his birth father.

Because they are nice and kind or whatever good qualities they have - does that give them license to be less mindful or considerate to their own children that have no control over the state of their families? That they cannot be accountable, even to their child/ren about their actions? That is just something to be swept away under the rug?

And I read some people who are still advocating for og!cale to still stack with these people.

Fandom, make it make sense.

[ohmycale]

Since nobody is gonna help Cale out there...

Here, Og!cale and KRS (okay, you too Alver), a self-help book since

There is no theraphy, even a good one, in your world/lifetime

most of the adults in your life/lives are way too selfish and self-absorbed to be responsible or even parent

At the very least, find some comfort and tools to help you even for a little bit

In the end, their lives prove that nobody can help them but themselves.

[ohmycale]

I read your argument post and I read the same opinions online. I would like to ask if you considered that Deruth might have hestitant to communucate his feelings because he mught lose his relationship with Cale. I agree with the opinions that communication is important but shouldnt Cale also communicate his father?

Also, you cant deny that Cale wasnt the best person in his version in the story. He was called a trash for a reason.

I also feel that you keep Violan, Basen and Lily out? Do you not consider them as Cale's family? Why or why not?

Anyway, interested on what you think

My take on this:

Deruth is the adult. Cale is the child. It doesnt matter how many times have passed. That is their relationship and their dynamic. It is the duty of the adult/parent to care for the child and assume all the heavy lifting in the relationship until Cale himself is an adult. The main reason is that in the end, it is the adult/Deruth who brought Cale into this world and is tasked to guide said Cale - not the other way around. And Deruth's problems or flaws will affect Cale no matter what. I also like to highlight that almost all power and authority resides in Deruth as a parent and adult in all ways - good or bad.

ETA: There is a line in Sekiro by the last boss - Hesitation is defeat. It's fine to hesitate - as long there is also an acceptance of the risk with the choice. In this case, the growing gap and distance between the two, the continuation of resentment or other negative feelings Cale has for the relationship. While distant is not yet formed as full rejection here, constant isolation and uneasiness in the relationship are good ingredients to maybe a permanent no contact with each other in the future. TLDR - Hesitate at your own risk.

re:Cale communicaitng. Sure, Cale can talk. The issue is - is he comfortable enough with his relationship with Deruth to actually communicate his true feelings? Deruth distanced himself and Cale would have definately felt that. Deruth was given a wide berth due to his grief and his remarriage - assuming it helped him cope in his roles. But his relationship with Cale never did recover pre-Jour's death because rifts and gaps formed during the distance. So, if there are already gaps and issues, do you think Cale would be comfortable bringing his concerns without being accused of destroying/delaying Deruth's happiness? If this is the case, shouldnt be the parent/adult be the one who gives reassurance, love and all those things that help them reconcile and their relationship grow? Or is it another burden for the child who has to hide his own authentic self because he already experienced being isolated and hurt from the person who is supposed to give him unconditional love?

2nd question - He wouldnt need to be a trash if his own father protected his new family over the status he inherited.

For the third question - Violan and her children are his stepfamily. Deruth chose them for himself - not for Cale. Stepfamily dynamics are complex and way more complicated vs bio/nuclear family. There are many issues but I would say that Cale cared for them because his father brought them in Cale's life. One argument (reflected in real life) is since they made Deruth happy, Cale should be happy that his father is happy because of them. In a morbid sense, it can implied that post-Jour, Cale wasnt able to give his father happiness or him being enough for Deruth to move on from grief (not that he is supposed to in the first place). In way, Cale deserves them than his father but his link to them is very weak. The Henituse is a classic high-functioning dysfunctional blended family.

I know many people hate the prefix of 'step' and 'half' - but in the 10yrs that this family has been doing, there has been no evidence they came together or act as one unit. It's always Cale or Deruth + Violan (& OFC Basen and Lily). Violan will side by her husband and take Deruth's lead (wrongly or rightly) because she did marry him (you dont marry children, I cant fathom why she did marry this man but I digress) and Basen and Lily would side with their parents. So, I dont think they are a family - they are people who live in the same place and trying to get along like roommates. Besides, it seems that Deruth + Cale isnt considered as a family in its own right.

Hope this satisfies your interest and ask away again if I left out something...

[ohmycale]

I love your conclusion.

Ton of people here and in the fandom defend Deruth and I could see why.

But often, they sweep, underestimate and excuse the damage he has done

He was flawed, he is human, he has needs.....

So what? It just cements that Deruth comes first and Og!cale in the bottom in the fandom in terms of consideration. Parent/adult first before child because child/ren are resilient!/s

I don't understand what they see in him that is more vulnerable than his own child.

I mean this, if Deruth was your real life father, are you not gonna be mad on what he did? Would you want to speak to him again after his actions? or inactions?

Shit, nobility could get away with everything I guess.

Unpopular opinion(?): Deruth Henituse

Let's all face it: Deuth wasn't a bad father to Og!Cale. He was millions of times better than a lot of fictional fathers and I wholeheartedly agree with that. ദ്ദി（• ˕ •マ.ᐟ

Unpopular opinion: That's doesn't mean I have to like him. (¬⤙¬ )

And I'm all for different opinions. People can view one thing in various different ways, and that's perfectly understandable! I don't like Deruth and that's mine.

Deruth was-no, is a coward. The lovely author of the novel has made it pretty clear. And I don't hate him for it. Being a coward is not a sin, but neglecting your son is.

Like b*tch, most fanfictions make you a better father than you are just because your wife was dead like WTF?!?! Your son's mom was dead too REMEMBER THAT?!?! 눈_눈

And I'm not against Cale and Deruth having a good relationship or those fanfics that basically erase Deruth's wrongdoing because to be honest, I enjoy them too. It's much easier to pretend Deruth was a good father and that our lovely little Og!Cale had a wonderful life than look at canon. o(TヘTo)

Let's recap: Deruth was a decent father until Jour died. Then he went into a deep depression of which Cale tried his bestest to pull his father out of. We know Cale basically ignored his own sorrow just to take care of his father AND the count duties his father was ignoring at the same time. While there is nothing wrong with grieving as losing Jour was very hard for Deruth, couldn't he have at least put SOME effort into assigning someone efficient to handle his duties so 7-year-old Cale didn't have to?

While on the topic of grieving, Deruth not only failed his duties as a count but as a father. I personally have no experience with this, but I had a friend with a dead mother. Even though her father must've been sad too, he put in effort to take care of her and her sister, send them to school, make money, manage the household and everything. Fathers and mothers push aside their sorrow every day to do the bast they can for their children. Deruth, on the other hand, was too much of a fool to do any of that.

Deruth wasn't the only one who lost Jour, after all. Cale lost his mother. The one who gave birth to him, raised him, hugged him, told her all his secrets, whom did the same in return, and was the only other person with the same bright and beautiful hair that he had.

And he could've turned around after a few weeks and fixed everything up and let both him and Cale heal with each other. But NOOOO~ He had to leave his only cute, lovely, wonderful, but most of all GRIEVING son all alone in a cold and lonely mansion for vacation. Like he could've at least taken him along so they could grieve together? But NOOOO~ Cale looks too much like his dead wife and that's so iMpOsSiBle~ ～(　TロT)σ

But he fixed that? How? By marrying the woman on the spot! Bringing in a new countess when no one but him got over the old one and turning up all the dark shades of sorrow into wedding curtains before Cale even knew what was happening! (°ロ°)

But I also know he had good intentions. Being the count and all, he probably knew marrying Violan would mean she could help her with the household. Maybe he also thought that Cale would immediately think of her as his mother.

Now, him falling in love wasn't a sin and Violan is an amazing woman😍, but I think he undermined his son's sorrow just because he found a reason to move on from Jour.😔

BTW, Violan, Basen, and Lily are amazing. They're one of my most fave fictional families and no one can tell me otherwise. Go them! q(≧▽≦q)

And as the years go by, our smart Cale realizes that the vassals and the collateral family are coming after Violan and Basen and decided to throw away his life and soul all for his father's picturesque perfect family; just so that coward can be happy.

And then KRS!Cale comes along (also love him, go my baby make fires 🔥 and steal MONAH!!! 🫰💰💵) and suddenly, Deruth thinks Cale is all "fixed" and "not broken" so he can finally reach out to his son, only it's NOT HIS SON ANYMORE!!! Like, he had over 10 years even after marrying Violan to reach out to him but ?????

But since there are no implications of him raising a hand against Cale, I don't hate him and wish for his death like another certain protagonist's father (I'm looking at you, Kim Dokja's 'father'), but that doesn't mean I can just forgive and forget all of this, okay?

Yes, he let Cale waste his life away because he couldn't even protect the new family member that he brought into the family HIMSELF as the count, so Cale had to do it himself. And from what I can infer, when the Choi Han incident happened in TBoaH, he didn't even show up or visit him even though we know Cale would fight the damn gods if it were the other way around. He did provide Cale with the best treatment and kept an eye on him, but couldn't bear to face him.

So in conclusion: I don't really hate Deruth, but please for the love of peace, family, and chaos DON'T convince me to like him one bit.

[ohmycale]

sometimes, in the heatest of what-ifs,

I thought it would be better if Og!cale died in the background and was never part of the story

Usually, it is on the moments when I see a real life stepchild being alienated by their parents coz their happiness their rules

or hear a stepparent despair of a stepchild not being part of their plans and later not being worthy of love

or lonely because nobody was really there for them

At least, I say to myself, Og!Cale would pass thinking he was loved and was spared of not knowing how to be left alone by the people who profess to love him.

Then have those people being absolved or excused because of being human. As if Og!cale isn't also a human child that has needs and priorities

As if those people, if there are really human, don't deserve to receive consequences of their actions

It really drives home that Og!Cale wasn't really for the story.

Another unpopular take. related to above, Deruth will move on if Og!Cale dies. Just like he moved on from Jour's death. He already has a new family that will support and understand unlike before. He will even get sympathy because of the event and his supposed 'attempts. Am sure some will celebrate that too and openly.

I believe Deruth did love Og!Cale but over time, it warped into guilt. He love og!Cale but people feel sorry for him because it somewhat unfair that a kind person like him should somewhat suffer.

[ohmycale]

I guess I am alive again...

I have not been in the fandom for quite some time due to life and many things happening in real life. Somebody in real life asked to read and comment on a post defending Deruth. It's a good read and I agree on most of it. Which even surprising that I'm writing this. I hope I would not offend anyone if I would just highlight some of the things I read that make me think. A bit of a long post incoming

I agree that he's an okay parent...for any other child and any other time except during Jour's death. But since ogCale was a neglected child by most adults around him (during and after this time), especially his parents, I would beg to differ. And here I am thinking that parents try their best even at their worst times. Tbh, the post feels like an excuse Deruth's neglect like many posts that I have read. Just another one who handwave neglect and worse, treat it as something so trivial. Neglect is treated as something so minor that should be waived by time or force. Assuming that we're not holding Deruth on a pedestal, why is an apology for his failings such a bad thing to do, fathom or even ask for?

Father and child were both grieving but it seems that it was only Deruth's grief that mattered. Nobody gave a shit for the child who had his life upside down from losing his mother, ignored by his father, and got a new family that he was (for intents and purposes at that time) didn't even ask for. Because Deruth moved on, everyone, especially Cale, has to. Because of a new family, og!cale never said anything coz he'd probably be answered by 'Don't you want your father (Deruth) to be happy?' (classic line for stepkids) If that's the feedback, why bother opening up and saying something? Og!Cale will be the bad guy for expressing such thoughts and feelings. In real life blended families, it's the parents who facilitate everything including communication. It's the adults who should be guiding the children and have control of the situation. Also, let's not forget that it was Deruth who distanced himself from og!Cale first and never bothered to patch their relationship and issues even to the point that og!cale changed a lot aka Roksu appeared.

I understand that people are not at their best selves when grieving. I was the same. But I am not an adult nor a parent. I didn't have a child that I had to care for or be responsible for. It might have been hard, but it would not sit on my conscience to burden a kid with my messy emotions or pull away. Because pulling away from a person who thought they were loved by you leads them to think that they are at fault. At the very least, og!cale deserved a conversation about his mother's passing and his father's actions at that time.

I don't care about the worst father list. As mentioned before, Deruth only gets the benefit of the doubt already because he is kind and trying. Trying but didn’t succeed. For me, his trying is not for readers to judge, His effort should only matter to og!cale and whether it is enough to absolve Deruth for his failings.

I agree that both Deruth and og!cale are bad at communicating. Deruth did set the precedent of not communicating and pulling away.

The first few chapters show that he cares for his son in his way. Yeah, but he's not reaching his son, does he? They barely had a functioning relationship and we're supposed to congratulate him? As a reader, we get it that he cares for his son. But if we ask Deruth, should he be happier that he’s winning over strangers rather than the person he's trying to care for? And if Deruth is on speaking terms with og!Cale to his son, it’s not gonna be that hard to bring out a topic or issues.

Not touching the Violan bit because she is his stepmother (and stepfamilies are so complex and hard) and to be honest, a better adult than her husband,

8. You can also argue that Deruth didn't try hard enough. He does try. He's not just good efficient as exemplified by the post. He doesn't speak about the things that matter to them both but does the indirect and inefficient ways. He shouldn't be surprised if keeps trying bad ways to reconcile and act surprised when it fails.

9. So for parents to try harder doesn't usually end up with a heart-to-heart talk unless the other wants to talk. It's a risk that a parent has to take - either grab them by the horns or be miserable trying to communicate via the mind. And suffer the odds for the risk.

Re Basen and Lily. I am ambivalent about them. It’s not because they were kids or they did something bad to og!cale. For some people, especially the people who were left by their parents to have a do-over family, they are a symbol. I mean, sans og!Cale, Deruth is winning. He has a new family – a wife that shares his burden, a (spare) son for the county, a daughter that he might have wished for. There are real fathers and mothers who abandon their original families/children because THEY CAN. Is it projecting? Absolutely effing lutely. Is it reasonable enough to expect? Yes. Because Deruth is a flawed human being who already showed that he CAN abandon og!Cale if he so wished. And nobody can stop or even disapprove of him because of his status and position. It is good that Deruth in the story defies this but he’s still doing the BARE MINIMUM.

Overall, whether Deruth is a bad father will be a recurring conversation topic for the fandom. There are many viewpoints but I always always side with the views most relevant and applicable to og!Cale even it might be biased. If og!Cale is here with us, I am sure he will be more than happy to tell us what he thinks.

But we don’t. Any opinion, even the scathing and unpopular ones, deserves merit. It’s good that fandom is not a monolith especially in this because this topic and og!cale’s experiences are so relatable.

Here’s a summary of my stand

Being a good parent to Basen and Lily doesn’t mean he was a good father to og!Cale even if og!Cale does love him

Og!Cale doesn’t need to forgive or forget what Deruth did in the worst time of their lives because he loves him

Deruth is afraid, I get that. But if he remains afraid, his hope for reconciliation isn’t gonna pan out as he hopes to.

Deruth needs to accept that there is a chance it is too late.

Deruth needs to accept consequences for the negative things he gave to og!cale, unintentional or not. Even if og!Cale understands why he did what he did.

Did I just log into my dormant account to post this? Yes.

Is this longer than I intended? Also, yes.

Are my fanfic bunnies dead yet? Maybe.

Hope somebody enjoys this one.

[ohmycale]

So, when will the talk gonna happen?

Was about to post my take on reconciliation but a friend brought this up. I promise the next one will be that post.

Serious post again:

We all know that Deruth is currently incapable of actually communicating with his son. For reference, I believe that he has a strained relationship and with minimal communication for almost a decade (starting from when he lost his mother (8-ish) to his in-universe age (being 18).

My question is, when do you think Deruth will have the guts to simply initiate an authentic, heartfelt and open convo with his kid? Keep in mind that in the real world, 18 yrs old is legal and people are capable of striking on their own and are not obliged to keep in touch with their parents., Let's imagine that this applies to new adult Og!cale. And yes, no KRS coming over for this poll (sorry).

I ran out of ideas, but if you image more scenarios as options, post it in the comments. I might do a part 2 *looks at all my drafts*

If you want to expound your choice, post it down. No judgement!

I wanted to include a 'Deruth in his last moments' option but I have some reservations. I experienced it and I felt there was some sort of obligation to talk to a person because they having a very emotional and kinda high risk moments to this scenario. But if you think it should be an option, let me know!

[ohmycale]

Fandom, lemme pick your brain...

serious poll questions (apparently tumblr says 1 poll 1 post)

I'm gonna put a simple poll but if you want to elaborate, feel free in the comments. I just needs a good understanding of what the fandom feels towards these topics.

would it be okay for og!cale to want some distance/space from his blood family even if he canonically still loves them?

[ohmycale]

I'm reviving this because I am sure as hell confused on how the Henituse family show their ' love'.

Personally, mine is constant misunderstanding and everyone should have mind reading abilities but that's just me.

On Love Languages

Reference: https://5lovelanguages.com/learn

For me, og!Cale’s love language is Acts of Service. The website defines this as: For these people, actions speak louder than words. I think it fits Og!cale very well since we all know he pretended to be trash without even saying anything to anyone. He also hid his hurts and isolated himself because he foolishly thinks it was for the best while swallowing his issues thinking that he was being selfish.   Of course, he also swallowed his further hurts when the Molan duo decided to follow Choi Han. I think for people like og!Cale (and like me) with this type of love language, what was needed the most is Quality Time (def: This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.) and Words of Affirmation (def: this language uses words to affirm other people.) from people who claim to care and love him. I think Quality Time with Deruth suffered ever since his mom died because Deruth and og!Cale was in two different places. Deruth was having a new leash of happiness and og!Cale (I’m assuming) is still grieving and also has to contend with the fact that Deruth has a new family. Plus, Deruth has to blend his family and I’m not sure he did a good job at that.

Anyway. Words of Affirmation are a bit tricky since (for me) that would be like enabling his ‘trash’ person but I would have expected some one-on-one talks with his father (and initiated by Deruth like yo, be a parent) would not be too much to ask/expect. (I don’t know if that happened in canon so let me know if I'm talking out of my rear). I definitely won't mind an intervention because I’m a believer in either solving the problem or they all go no contact since everyone isn’t on the same page. Either stop the misunderstanding right there or suffer the effects of misunderstanding together. Misery does love company even in families.

I am sure that Deruth and Violan have tried, but the only thing that gives me a good picture of that effort is to support Og!cale while he is being purposely self-destructive (I don’t know if this is a good idea) and throw money at him (something that I am way too much familiar with). Again, if there is any info I missed, I would love to be corrected.

So, what do think of og!Cale's love language? Do you think he would have been better if he has a different one aside from Acts of Service?  

[ohmycale]

I am breaking my rule of not responding until the poll is done coz I dont want to assume anything but this piece is so much spot on.

You summed up Deruth in canon which is a person who is a coward, selfish, and borderline spineless even when things involved are the ones who supposedly love and cherish in his life. Like I dont begrudge anyone who wants a conflict-free life but that is not possible in human relationships and reality. Two major wonders of this fandom to me is how the hell he got married 2 times and begot children if this was his real personality. And be a political leader (whether he likes it or not) at that!

As I said, I wholeheartedly agree with your characterization of Deruth because he has been consistent and for his apologists out there, there are instances in canon which illustrates this.

I am convinced that he doesn’t like conflict or negative emotions and he reacts also very poorly when life upends his very privileged life, which also leads to a bit more extreme in my views of him.

As per your options

I said that I have my reservations about this because it puts Deruth in a sympathetic mode, which I am uncomfortable with because of his past and continuing actions and the feeling of the injustice of it all. It reminds me of those estranged parents placed in a vulnerable state and using that state as a ‘pass’ to ‘get their way’ aka force other people to do what they want so to speak despite their faults and mistakes. In my opinion, Og!Cale will be forced (as he was always been in his life) to acquiesce to a father who never stood by him because said father puts his personal comfort over him/his again, and again and again.

2. For this option, the result will vary depending on how og!Cale feels about their relationship if the said relationship is still existing at all. Again, doormat!og!Cale tends to blame himself unnecessarily because the moment to talk has been passed and way over.

3. Oh lord, it is Jour happening all over again. And we all know what happened after, don’t we? Also, give the kid a fucking break on his resting place. Anyone who spoils that resting place is bribed and a turncoat!

I think og!cale picked that nasty habit of distancing, opting for conflict-free things that turned him into a doormat of some sort. There I said it! I love this guy but he is an effing doormat to boot!

Sometimes, with Deruth, I don’t feel like we are talking about a grown adult – with spouses and children. He seems to lacking that unconditional love for his child that a lot of people attribute to him. If this is true, his bravado of family/familiar ties is certainly meaningless, a mask and lends more of him doing things for his own happiness.

I have a feeling that will end with another draft for me.

Thanks for the reblog and the piece. Very enlightening and if I figure out how to give awards on Tumblr, I will get back to this.

So, when will the talk gonna happen?

Was about to post my take on reconciliation but a friend brought this up. I promise the next one will be that post.

Serious post again:

We all know that Deruth is currently incapable of actually communicating with his son. For reference, I believe that he has a strained relationship and with minimal communication for almost a decade (starting from when he lost his mother (8-ish) to his in-universe age (being 18).

My question is, when do you think Deruth will have the guts to simply initiate an authentic, heartfelt and open convo with his kid? Keep in mind that in the real world, 18 yrs old is legal and people are capable of striking on their own and are not obliged to keep in touch with their parents., Let's imagine that this applies to new adult Og!cale. And yes, no KRS coming over for this poll (sorry).

I ran out of ideas, but if you image more scenarios as options, post it in the comments. I might do a part 2 *looks at all my drafts*

If you want to expound your choice, post it down. No judgement!

I wanted to include a 'Deruth in his last moments' option but I have some reservations. I experienced it and I felt there was some sort of obligation to talk to a person because they having a very emotional and kinda high risk moments to this scenario. But if you think it should be an option, let me know!