#if you need someone to talk to im here for you!

[mochelisgf]

❛ word count: 1636

❛ warnings — smut, fingering (m!receiving), making out, idk other stuff that you’d usually see in smut fics

❛ bottom!morgan x reader

❛ authors note — this is my first time witting smut and i hate it so….enjoy 😀 also we need more mo cheli fics 😩

We hadn’t done anything in a week — perhaps even longer, seeing as how both me and Morgan have been busy; her with basketball and finals; and me with finals and my job. But here she was — flirting with someone else, well she's talking to a fan which is fine but come on? The excessive touching, holding her arm, biting her lip?

The act made you cringe – jealousy boiling inside of you, that should be me — she's mine. Blind by your rage you hadn’t noticed that morgan had made her way towards you until you hear

“Hi baby, did you enjoy the game?” is the first thing she says, her eyes sparkling as her breath — shallow and breathy begins returning to its usual state.

“Yeah I did, you did good today.” was all you said in response, your annoyance seeping through your fake smile lying on your face.

Morgan chuckles slightly, grabbing on your arm – pulling you up from your seat. As you guys are walking morgan continues —

“Geno wants me for a conference today so you’ll have to stay a little late today, okay?” not even bothering to answer her you simply hum, ending the conversation there – morgan must know she’s fucked up cause she keeps sneaking glances at you as you walk her to the conference room.

Stopping at the entrance, Morgan lets go of your arm and leans to give you a kiss on the cheek “wish me luck!” she says before stepping away and walking towards Paige and Sarah who were doing the conference alongside her – and walking into the room.

Obviously Morgan wasn’t too worried about how you’d felt just before the conference, because she had spent the entire time giggling, biting and licking her lips at the younger female and male reporters in the room. Answering the questions with flirtatious word choices and using those beautiful brown eyes to her advantage – even making the reporters melt and hot. She knew what she was doing, teasing me, and this wasn’t the first time she’d done it.

Throughout the week I'd been busy, but that didn't stop her from making attempts towards me, in private and in public – and even going as far as trying to make me jealous with her teammates. She was a brat and I wasn’t going to pass up a chance to teach her a lesson.

As soon as she’d finished her interview and walked into my view I grabbed her arm, pulling her towards me as I walked in the direction of the nearest private bathroom. Getting to the bathroom I yanked the door open – pushing her inside before turning around to lock the door.

Her eyes find and follow mine as I turn around to face her – her gaze drops to my lips as she bites her lips, breathing ragged and uneven.

Moving in, I pull her in by the back of her neck, closing the distance between us. Our bodies merge together as we devour each other's lips. Pulling away – my mouth opens slightly

“You’ve been bad mo.” you say, morgan in response attempts to close the gap between us again – letting out huff when I hold her back, stopping her attempt.

“fuck im sorry baby I- I was just..I dont know, please” she pleaded trying to close the gap once again – my hand on her throat stopping her again, the whimper she let out dying on her throat

“You need to learn how to Behave.” you say, slowly leaning it, her breathing heavy – your nose brushing on her neck as you slowly start kissing at her neck, careful not to leave hickeys on her neck seeing as how you guys were still in public. Her breath shaky – panting as you slightly begin mouthing at her neck, your hands finding their way downwards as you untuck her jersey from her shorts – slipping your hands on the material.

You push forward – her back finding the door to the bathroom stall, as her low moans echo throughout the bathroom

“take it off,” you whisper into her ear, signaling to her jersey before backing up to give her the space to do so. She moves forward a bit and then frantically grabs the bottom of her shirt and takes off her shirt – her medium grey sports bra laying underneath “the bra too baby.” you say – breathe heavy as your low, airy voice bounces off the walls of the room – she drops her shirt on the floor before taking her sports bra too and pulling it off, her hair getting even more messy as it slides off her head.

She waits. Standing there as her knees slightly shake and her face flushes harsher. You use two fingers to signal her towards you — her following in response. One of your arms wrapping her waist as her other one settles on her neck, caressing the skin. Looking at her she’s disheveled – lost — already gone in such little time, just waiting for her next demand.

Leaning in again; she moves fast, her lips desperate to meet yours. As the kiss deepens, your hands shift — the one that was lying on her neck moving to her front. Your hand palming her tits — squeezing slightly causing Morgan to gasp into the kiss and tighten her grip on your shirt.

Pulling away – the hand that you have on her waist starts to drift lower, slipping into her shorts and past the band of her underwear — brushing against her, your hand palmed at her tits again.

“Fuck” Morgan says as she tilts her head back, her lips parted and eyes shut tight.

Your fingers begin to move lower, touching — teasing her folds in the process, watching as your finger begin to be covered in her slick.

“baby plea –– fuck!” she shouts, her mouth dropping open as one of your fingers sinks in. Morgan wraps her arms once again around your neck, pulling you even closer to her — the movement causing your fingers to go deeper.

Morgan begins to moan out louder as you slowly start to move your fingers, curling up slightly when you go deeper

“fuck baby don’t stop—” a whimper breaking through — her legs growing weaker.

You stop your movements, slowing slipping out of her

“wait no —” Morgan panics

“it’s okay, just turn around from me, face the mirror mo” you shush her, nodding in her direction

She turns around, facing the mirror. Her eyes meet yours and you both smile in sync,

“take your shorts off” you say, she begins pulling her shorts off but then you add onto your demand “underwear too”, still holding eye contact with the girl.

Morgan reaches her hands so that they can grip onto her shorts and underwear before sliding them down — leaving her fully bare — completely out in the open, allowing you easier access.

You wrap your arms around her again, starting at the top, groping and palming at her tits causing the girl to moan out, then you move lower and lower before you reach your target

Morgan gasps under her breathe as you bring your hands lower, finally touching her folds ( or should I say clit idk) again, her head begins to lean back on your shoulder but you stop her, bringing her head back up,

“Keep staring into the mirror baby, come on” you say — Morgan nodding in agreement, just hoping that you’d stop teasing her and get over with it

her body is shrinking — she’s overwhelmed by the pleasure she’s feeling, the feeling of your hand rubbing her clit, that feeling increasing by 100 when you finally sink into her again, she’s tight — pulling your hand into her and she bites her lips in an attempt to be quieter.

“please move, god please baby” she whines out, desperate for anything — as you begin to move, her moans begin to echo throughout.

You’re practically moaning in her ear, although you couldn’t feel it yourself, the feeling of her squeezing around you — pulling you in, was more than enough. Her back pressing against your front was more than enough, her moving back against your fingers — basically grinding against you.

The bathroom was quiet, no words were being said. All that can be heard was squelching, whimpers and heavy breathing, until —

“shit, i’m so close” Morgan’s voice breaks through the noise as she looks at you through the mirror

“yeah? you gonna come for me baby?” your face in her neck –– returning her gaze, quickening your place, your fingers pistoning in her.

she nods “yeah, I’m gonna come for you” you add a second finger — moving your thumb to her clit, making a circular movement.

“then do it. come for me morgan” you whisper in her ear, sending her over the edge — she lets out a strangled noise, her knees buckling, your arm around her waist being the only thing keeping her from falling.

Nobody talks for the first few seconds, the only noise being the sound of you pulling out from her and both of your ragged breaths.

“Jesus christ, maybe i need to flirt with other people more often” is the first thing morgan says, forcing a laugh from you

“Absolutely not, don’t ever do that again.” you reply– smirking, still meeting her gaze in the now foggy mirror. For awhile you guys completely forget where y’all are, heads turned to kiss each other. That’s until morgan breaks away and says

“shit, how long have we been here? fuckk we need to leave, i'm gonna be in so much shit next practice” she panics, pushing you away to pick up her clothes that've been discarded on the floor earlier.

@kate20martin

[genderqueerdykes]

the post you just shared about being both a trans man and a dyke reminded me of something that ive been wanting to talk about for a while now but haven't been able to so far.

im brazilian. the country with one of the biggest pride parades in the world while also being in the highest rates of violence towards lgbt people. queer culture here is weird, and maybe i missed out on it because i was able to find refuge online among the english speaking community relatively early.

ive been observing something that i wrongly assumed was our own version of the butch/femme community, and for a second i got really excited bc we all know butch loneliness, but the more i started looking into it, the more of its completely rotten entrails they showed me.

it's a disfigurement of the ideas that i have held to my heart so dearly ever since i read stone butch blues for the first time, and even more as i discovered leslie feinberg, and found out that there really were others like me. they use the term "desfem" (as in "defeminized"), and the definition explicitly states that the individual must be a cis woman, quoting some terf-tier bullshit that would make joanne proud.

hating men is their entire personality, and it's so shallow and based on cishet gender roles that there is no "femme" counterpart, because they see no way to perform femininity outside of patriarchal roles. they want the aesthetics of butchness without the hardships of living as one. the trans community carries these people on their backs and still they're more worried about how some dykes are trans too.

i don't know where im going with this, i just need to get it off my chest to someone who would at least have an idea of what im talking about. it's so disheartening to see the community head towards this direction, and i grow less and less interested in forming bridges with cis people as time goes on lol

i wanted to thank you for taking the time to send it, i really appreciate these thoughts! i get contacted by a lot of brazilian people. i think that's super cool! i've heard that despite how large your queer scene is that it's still very queerphobic and that's unfortunate, but it does happen.

"hating men is their entire personality, and it's so shallow and based on cishet gender roles that there is no "femme" counterpart, because they see no way to perform femininity outside of patriarchal roles."

i really appreciate the way you said this! i've been trying to point this out for a while now and i'm glad you've come to this realization, yourself.

for whatever reason, cis lesbian, dyke and sapphic spaces are obsessed with the butch-femme binary. it's romanced to hell and back but it's very restrictive and patriarchal. implying that romantic relationships must fall into a masculine partner + feminine partner structure is cisheteromative. there's not much representation for butch4butch, butch4all, femme4femme and femme4all people. the idea that the masculine partner must be strong and protect the weak feminine partner that can't defend themselves is a patriarchal dynamic.

all of the lesbian yearning posts are about how butches are tops and doms and how all femmes are bottoms and subs. butch becomes synonymous with penis and femme becomes synonymous with vagina. calling butches 'chivalrous knights' dehumanizes them and reduces them to being protector figures. the way cis femmes online go on and on and on about how they "need" a butch is very alarming. femmes are being framed as dependent and as though they can't function unless they have a butch in their life, which is very misogynistic.

it's just a repeat of cishet- the patriarchal relationship formatting applies here, even if the genders are slightly tweaked. it's in the coding. it's literally a copy and paste job. it's lazy and toxic as hell and it leaves out all of the diversity that comes with lesbianism and how butches and femmes can experience life and love and sexuality in a variety of ways.

the thing is, as a genderqueer person, i've never understood why people are so attached to this binary. it's so restrictive. i'm butch, but not in the way that white cis lesbians define it. the way they tlel you how to be butch is so restrictive it's not even funny. it's like you gotta pass a test. you gotta be stereotypically masculine 100% of the time or else you're not a real butch. you're expected to emulate a cishet guy, but if you identify as a guy, all hell breaks loose. if you think about it people basically force butches to identify as men and then hold it at arm's reach away. like you have to act exactly like a man but be a Woman. and it makes no fucking sense.

lesbians are some of the most gender diverse people out there. it's crazy to me that people are trying to force lesbians, people who are known for being gender weird, into a male-female cishet binary but with a lesbian Womyn coat of paint. i wish you better luck in finding community that wants to stick together instead of fight over petty bullshit that doesn't matter. take care of yourself. feel free to stop by again any time

[hsnlv]

inescapable | l.hs

pairing: lee heeseung x fem!reader

synopsis: after a devastating betrayal, you thought you were free of heeseung’s grip. but when you meet again at a party, his manipulative charm and lingering touch pull you back into a dangerous game of love and control. walking away might not be the end.

warnings/others: manipulation?, a little suggestive.

wc: 1.2k

reblogs and comments are highly appreciated🖤 here’s my masterlist!

“you’re just making sure im never getting over you.”

heeseung swears he’s never fallen this hard for anyone. not like this. not for someone he once dared to call ordinary.

you.

sure, you might not have the same polished beauty as the other girls who turned heads so effortlessly, but you had something they didn’t.

the way you loved him—wholeheartedly, selflessly—made him feel like the center of your universe. like he was someone worthy of devotion, someone worth the kind of tenderness you gave so freely.

but even the most perfect paradise has its cracks. he slipped. he stumbled. and his mistakes were enough to cost him everything. now, you’re no longer his to hold.

yet there you are tonight, on the dance floor, glowing like a fucking vision. your dress clings to you like it was made to torment him, showing off every curve he once called his own. curves he marked with his lips, his teeth, his hands.

he doesn’t just see you; he feels you. the way your hips sway to the music, the sound of your laughter, even from across the room. it’s unbearable.

his grip tightens around his glass, the tension in his jaw spreading to every muscle in his body. jay, who’s been rambling about god-knows-what beside him, finally notices.

“dude,” jay mutters, glancing down at the glass in heeseung’s hand. “unless you wanna pay for damages, maybe loosen up a little?”

heeseung doesn’t respond. his eyes are fixed on you, watching the way you sway, the way your laughter echoes even over the music. it’s as if you’re mocking him without even trying.

the flashback hits him like a brick.

“are you fucking kidding me, lee heeseung? her? out of everyone you could’ve cheated on me with?” your voice was raw, trembling with rage and betrayal. it was loud enough to bounce off the walls, loud enough to haunt him even now.

“you’re so fucking pathetic for this,” you spat, tears glistening in your eyes.

but he didn’t say anything. didn’t even flinch. he just stood there, staring through you like you weren’t even real. like you were just air.

and fuck, if you could’ve cursed him out physically, you would’ve. but the love you had for him was a leash holding you back. it chained your anger, softened the edges of your words until all you could do was storm out, leaving him behind.

the memory fades, but the guilt lingers.

without thinking, he sets his drink down—hard—and cuts through the crowd. his long strides eat up the distance between you in seconds. before you can even register his presence, his hand wraps firmly around your wrist.

“what the hell, heeseung?” you snap, trying to pull your arm free.

“we need to talk.” his tone is low, firm, leaving no room for argument.

“like hell we do,” you bite back, your voice sharp as he drags you through the crowd and into a secluded corner of the house.

the music is muffled here, the only light coming from a nearby lamp. you yank your wrist out of his grasp, glaring at him with fire in your eyes. “what’s your problem? you don’t get to just manhandle me like that—”

“you know damn well what you’re doing right now,” he cuts you off, his voice steady but laced with frustration.

you blink, feigning innocence. “i’m attending a party. on behalf of my friend, who couldn’t make it. is that a crime now?”

he scoffs, running a hand through his hair. “don’t play dumb with me. you think i don’t notice? the way you’re flaunting yourself, dancing like that, knowing i’m watching?”

“are you serious?” you laugh, but there’s no humor in it. “you’re delusional. i’m not here for you, heeseung. the world doesn’t revolve around you, believe it or not.”

his jaw tightens. “you’re driving me fucking crazy, you know that?” he takes a step closer, his voice dropping an octave. “you—” he gestures at you, exasperated—“you make it impossible to think about anything else.”

you cross your arms, your glare unwavering. “weren’t you the one who decided i wasn’t worth your time anymore? or did you forget that part?”

“i made a mistake,” he murmurs, his voice dropping an octave. “i’ll admit that. but don’t act like you don’t want me.”

your heart skips a beat, but you refuse to let him see how his words affect you.

“don’t act like you’re not searching for me in every room you walk into,” he continues, his lips brushing against your ear. “don’t act like your eyes don’t light up every time i’m around.”

“you’re imagining things,” you whisper, but the tremor in your voice betrays you.

his hand comes up to rest on the wall beside your head, caging you in. “am i?” he murmurs, his breath warm against your skin.

“you don’t know shit about how i feel,” you snap, but your voice lacks conviction.

heeseung leans closer, his lips hovering just inches from your ears. “missed you, baby,” he whispers, his voice rough but soft enough to make your knees feel weak. “so fucking bad.”

your breath hitches, and he takes your silence as permission to continue.

“missed the way you felt in my arms,” he murmurs, his eyes dark and unrelenting. “the way you’d look at me with those big, beautiful eyes like i was the only thing that mattered.”

you hate how his words send a pang through your chest, how they dig into old wounds you thought had healed.

“missed the way you’d say my name,” he continues, his lips curling into a small, almost nostalgic smile. “especially when you were underneath me, all breathless and needy. fuck, you don’t know how many nights i’ve thought about you. about us.”

“heeseung, stop,” you whisper, but it sounds more like a plea than a command.

“you’re killing me, baby,” he murmurs, leaning closer until his forehead almost touches yours. “i don’t think you even realize what you do to me. how much you still own me.”

your resolve is cracking, and he sees it.

“i shouldn’t want you this much,” he whispers, his voice breaking just slightly. “but i do. and i can’t stop.”

“you don’t get to say this to me,” you say, trying to sound firm, but your voice wavers. “not after what you did.”

“i know,” he says softly, his hand brushing against your arm. “i know i fucked up. but god, i’d do anything to take it back. anything to have you in my arms again.”

his words are honeyed poison, sweet and lethal, and you know you need to get out of this conversation before it’s too late.

“you’re disgusting,” you snap, trying to shove him back, but he doesn’t budge.

“and you’re still mine,” he says quietly, his lips ghosting over your neck now, pressing a soft kiss just below your jaw. “even if you don’t want to admit it.”

your chest tightens, and for a moment, you falter. “you’re insane,” you whisper, your voice trembling.

he smiles, his lips curling against your skin. “maybe. but you loved me for it once, didn’t you?”

you clench your fists at your sides, summoning every ounce of strength you have. “this conversation is over, heeseung. stay the hell away from me.”

but even as you walk away, you can feel his eyes on you, his presence lingering like a ghost. and deep down, you know he’s not done.

not with you. not with this.

© all rights reserved | hsnlv 2024

[sccrim]

JEALOUSLY PART 2. !

warnings : ( teasing )

part two of jealously w a little bit of rafe teasing you c: ! also shout out to @angzls cus they wanted a part 2 c;

you couldn't say you were over rafe but since he was involved with sofia, you had to try to accept it. yeah of course jealously hit you still after always seeing them together but what can you do. oh wait, you can make him jealous. you knew rafe couldn't control himself everytime he seen you with some random guy at that.

"isn't rafe gonna start something?"

"isn't that the point she's trying to make?"

"i just need someone good looking, or like someone he hates."

"jj!" you and the girls said that the same time. you cheered in excitement. "will jj agree though?" you bit the inside of ur cheek. "he owes me one so he has to." you unlocked your phone and texted jj making sure the plan was in motion.

"what am i doing again?" jj questioned as you guys pulled up to the house party. "just grab me or hold me. even kiss me if it makes him that mad." you fixed your hair. jj was kinda excited to see rafes expressions. "is this what rich feels like?" you laughed at the comment. "you literally live with me. you know what rich feels like."

"okay ready?"

jj held your waist, walking inside with you. many whispers and looks coming from everywhere. you still smiled and held your head up high. you knew if everyone was talking about it, rafe would be in flames.

"did you see them come in together?" ruthie looking around for you guys again. "who?" sofia looking around as well. "y/n and jj." rafes head snapped. "since when?" topper questioning. "i don't know. everyone is saying right now."

rafe spots you from across the room. he knew you were bound to come but he didn't know you would bring someone. especially jj. "at least she's having fun." sofia smiling. poor sofia, having no idea why you even came to this party.

"kiss me." you sensed rafe staring, this was the plan now. jj grabbing your body towards him and you leaned in, wrapping your arms around him. "is he still looking?"

rafes eyes went from normal to low and angry. "you okay?" sofia asked him. "yeah, i'll be right back." he chugged the rest of his beer and walked off. "stay here, he is gonna follow me right now." jj nodding and you walking off. this was your other plan, you just didn't know how it would play out.

"out now." rafe snapped his fingers to the people who were in the bathroom. "in here now." you smiled, following his directions. "jj now? really." rafe leaned against the sink. "problem?" you snapped. "fucking jj?"

"aren't you with sofia? isn't that her name?"

"don't play fucking dumb y/n."

"i'm not."

"you know what youre doing."

"it's working though isn't it." you slightly laughed.

"you better be done with him by tonight." he demanded. also just like you, he never asked— he would tell you to do so. "and if i don't?" you kissed your teeth. "don't fuck with me." he paused. "you know damn well what i would do." you walked closer to him. "this is the rafe i know. i wonder if sofia knows about him, hm?." you lifted up his chin.

rafe swatting your hand, grabbing you and putting you on the counter sink. "what do you want from me y/n. we both know we are toxic for each other. yet, you keep coming back. why is that? hm? do you miss me? do you miss me in you?" you stayed quiet.

"why quiet now? so it is that? you miss me?" he smirked putting his hand under your dress. you couldn't lie, you did miss him. you missed everything about him. but he was also right, the toxicity was eating you guys up. "tell me y/n— im waiting." he looked into your eyes. his hands leading up to your silk underwear.

"rafe." you whispered. this wasn't the plan you were going for but you didn't mind it. "hm?" he moved your underwear to the side. circling around your clit. "tell me, you want me." fuck y/n, what happened to sticking to the plan. "i'm waiting princess."

"you're done with jj, tonight. if i catch you with someone else or him again i swear your life and theirs will never be the same. trust me princess, you'll be begging for your normal life before me." rafe left the bathroom causing you to jump off the counter fixing yourself. your plan was literally fucked from the moment you walked in the party with jj but hey, at least you found out he still gets jealous.

 sccrim — all rights reserved. please do not modify, repost , translate , or plagiarise my content.

[ihatethecrowdsyouknowthat]

what a bland goodbye - spencer reid x fem!reader

reader goes to spencer's apartment for a needed breakup. no matter how much they love each other.

genre: angst wc: 935 warnings: breakup, reader wears heels, crying (duh), no happy ending, right person wrong time???, mentioned emotionally unavailable spencer

based off loml by ts!!! (im sorry), also this is much shorter than i intended!!!

The hallway is colder and your heels are louder than you remember. Snowflakes cover your head, your nose freezing from the cool, winter air. The familiar building somehow pains your heart with how much you'll miss it. You're not sure how long it'll take for the route here to be wiped from your body's autopilot. Even the door marked "23" is comforting. Something you'll have to get over soon.

His unsuspecting and far too joyful form when he opens the door makes you immediately want to rethink your intentions. Spencer's arms wrap around you as inviting as they've always been, the smell of coffee and laundry detergent unwelcome for the first time.

"You said you wanted to talk, what's going on?" he murmurs almost mindlessly into your shoulder.

Already, your eyes burn. You pull back and look up at him with an apologetic smile that hurts.

Chapped lips part as his eyebrows furrow. It's like he can feel how torn you are. But he doesn't get it. "Morgan says that when a girl says 'we need to talk,' it means that you're in trouble. I told him that's ridiculous but then I started to overthink and thought that maybe I did do something so I went through the last couple weeks but... I don't know what I did."

He nervously laughs, "he's ridiculous, right?"

Well, not exactly. It wasn't an easy decision to come to. It took a lot of convincing from your smarter side. You just couldn't put up with it anymore. The long hours were bad enough, but he'd never open up, despite eyebags showing just how much he needed to. Long hours were spent wondering if he'd be coming home unharmed or with an extra scar that's yet to be healed. As much as you want to, you can't stay. He's tortured. He needs someone with more to offer. More to give. You're not what he needs.

Glossy eyes find his hopeful ones and you feel despicable. "Spence..."

"What?" he whispers shakily.

It's now or never, you figure, inhaling an unsteady breath. No going back. Like a bandaid, right? If bandaids caused more tears, maybe.

"I want to break up." You attempt to sound firm, decisive, valiant but your voice wobbles and you sound nothing short of pathetic.

Beautiful, delicate features you've spent so long memorizing distort into a mixture of pain and confusion. The same features you've kissed and ran your fingers over every chance you got. You mourn those moments silently as he tries to understand. You know he won't. In only seconds, his eyes match yours in terms of despair, like he's already picturing the moment you walk out and leave him behind like a bad memory.

"Why? Is it... something I did?" he asks, voice so soft and breakable it makes everything ache.

"No. It's-it's me. I just can't... I can't." Tears gather on your lashes before spilling over onto cold cheeks.

"Can't?"

The way he's trying so hard to get it is what makes the moment last forever. What could you possibly say to explain yourself? It all feels so insignificant right now.

In his suit and tie, so pretty, he exhales sharply in frustration, a shot to your softened soul. He waits for your answer but you're not sure you have one to smooth the crease between his eyebrows.

You sigh and mutter, "I can't be in this. We don't work, Spencer. You don't talk to me, I-" you sniffle, sobbing hard, "I can't do a relationship where you're never here and, even when you are, you're- I don't know..."

He shakes his head and breathes out as his lip trembles. "You're the love of my life," he whispers, saline rolling down.

"I know." A particularly loud sob leaves you and you nod. "I just can't."

"Can't or won't?" he asks bitterly.

You shake your head, "don't do that."

Somber eyes you love look down at you, begging you wordlessly. In a simple glance, small moments that shaped how you saw and felt about him, it was truly legendary. But you couldn't deal with just those flickers of forever. They were momentary. They're not enough.

He pleads, "we can work it out. We can-"

"Stop. Please."

"So that's it? You're just leaving? I can't say anything?" he breathes desperately, crying in a way you've never seen.

You hate how your mind shows you only the things you wish you could unrecall. All the soft pants, gentle kisses, coffee dates, library trips, interlocked fingers and goodnight texts. Every memory that's only making this harder. "I'm sorry." Small sobs shake your body as each breath seems more difficult.

Spencer shakes his head, pretty curls falling in front of his face. "That's it?" he says in fear.

Sadly, you nod, wishing things could be different. Maybe they could be. One day.

"Goodbye," you whisper through a low sob.

He looks at you with a love that you know will never quite be buried. Not for years, at least. Part of you wants that love to come back to you. When he can be what you need and you can be what he needs.

He mutters, "bye," and you leave, for the first time with a heavy heart. You've never loved someone as much as you've loved Spencer. The breakup was needed but how long will the ache last? How long will you hide away in your room? How long will you dream of a reunion?

How long will it take for the thought of Spencer Reid to not leave you feeling homesick over something you're never sure you had?

tags: @1mnshw @sweetestthingonthissideofhell @punkndisorderrly

[biteyoubiteme]

biteyoubiteme's 2024 tumblr wrapped

2024 is over and now we are on to 2025! im so happy to have joined the writing community here on tumblr this year and im so excited for whats to come now in the new year! I wanted to share some of my fav fics from this year but there isn't nearly enough space for me to talk about all the amazing fics I read this year but just know that anything I liked or reblogged im so thankful to have read bc it’s so fun and heartwarming that we all share our fics together to enjoy for free with people who love the same things as us.

ive met so many amazing people on this app and im so happy to share a space with such amazing writers and readers and get to just talk about cute boys with you all. ;-; <333

cams fic stats:

-56 fics/drabbles/thoughts -116.77k words written

cams personal favs:

busy signal wc: 4.7k (yeonkai x reader) [NSFW] my first fic! im so happy I just up and posted this baby even if I was scared lol im so much better for it and I love love love the yeonkai au ive got going on and ill say that all the yeonkai x reader fics I have on my m.list are just my favs bc I really do love them all but this one was the starts so ill give it the floor. black cherry flavored wc: 9.2k (ot5) [NSFW] this was by far my most popular txt fic and the one I had the most fun and stress writing- I love the way it turned out and im so happy so many of you guys loved it just as much as I did. I was so worried with how it would come across I just love love love that so many of you liked it and im so excited for kinktober 25' already planning out the ot5 fic so yay for that lol bubble gum flavored wc: 6k [NSFW] this fic was just smut basically but it was the one fic that I was so so so so so excited for bc I just love it like beomiebear will be in my head forever im working on pt2 and just ugh I love him he’s always on my mind- lemon cake wc: 8.9k [NSFW] LEMON DROP SOOBIN SAVE ME oh I loved this fic bc I got to work with all my friends on it and it jsut made me so so so giddy- ugh I love to work with amazing writers and I love it even more that I got to be apart of the collab in the first place ;-; bitten wc: 3.8k [NSFW] for someone with the user name that I have I don't nearly have enough vampire content and I need to fix that- I loved this fic and I wish I could have made it like 17k bc I would do it and id do it again and again and again.

cams fav reads of 24'

again I wish I could put like a million links on this bc I read so many good fics in 2024 but sadly I cannot but just know if I left a reblog or like on a fic I was happily fed by your work <333 these are not in order at all!!!

heartworm - @hyukascampfire - huening kai / txt I adore this fic so so so much and I think about just how delicious ashs writing style is every single day- I will keep thinking about this fic until I can't think thoughts any longer Betrayal - @apeachty - yeonkai x reader / txt I love everything nina writes and the two of us have our pinkieslocked as we giggle about yeonkai and I need everyone to go and check out all her works bc im only putting one but I love them all. also dropping the link to this soobin drabble with small boobs reader bc I love it sm! fluffy ice - @beomiracles - yeonjun / txt serene wrote so much this year and so much of it is so fucking good but this, although short drabble, just stays in my mind. I love how sweet and innocent it is while having darker elements. serenes writing style just fits this topic so well and id read it over and over again. Escapism - @prince-jjae - yeonjun / txt UGH! no one could get me away from escapism yeonjun- how many times do I have to reblog this to get across the point that I loved it sm? cause ill do it again, ill read it again, and ill love it so much more for it. I love jjaes writing style I wanna break a piece off and swallow it whole okay bc I love it sm. bitten - @silvergyus - huening kai / txt VAMPIRE FICS and a huening vampire fic at that- ugh I loved this I love innocent kai and I love even more that it’s vampire reader- I love this idea so much and what is an ari fic without mirror sex??? I love it so much more becuase of it- good pup - @bandgie - minho x reader x seungmin / skz I love everything bandgie writes but this one took the cake for me this year im still thinking about it and it’s not even something that I ever usually read but ill read anything they put out and I learned something new about myself- also all the coraline fics- ugh this idea was so fucking good and I love love love it switch to me - @chyuuiung - beomkai x reader / txt I LOVED THIS FIC I think about this fic all the time, I post about it all the time and yeah I miss chyuu sm but I need everyone to know what I love this fic and ill keep loving it and thinking about it forever and ever- under the moon - @miupow - felix / skz oh how this fic took me out- I still love it I still think about it and I need to give felix my firstborn asap he’s just so yummy in this fic and lias so descriptive and ugh a hyper pink room and a demon core is my vibe everyday okay I love it the willow tree - @hyukalyptus - yeonjun / txt I LOVE PRINCE YEONJUN I love even more a good rekindled lovers fic and even more so I love a fic thats long and gives so much bc this gave me what I wanted and more- it even had me giggling at times and I love a good fic that can do that- im still thinking about him even now strawberry dreams - @thetxtdevil - huening kai / txt ugh how I begged for mae to work on this fic bc the idea omfg- all of maes ideas are so good I don't know how her mind works but it’s a sexy idea factory- I love Blueberry!kai SO MUCH!!! and im so happy with all the strawberry land fics that were born from this one idea thank you mae you're mind- I will never shut up about it actually Strawberryland m.list

ugh I wish I could add more bc I have so many more recs-

cams 2025 goals:

-although I feel like I will be slowing down in 25' I plan to write longer plot heavy fics since I have several in the making already- -I want to try and keep up with reading new fics bc it’s so much fun to read what everyone esle is doing and sometimes I get lost in just writing and forget what made me want to start in the first place. -and I want to interact with more of you guys! moots or not I hope we can chat and giggle of fics and cute boys bc I love to do that lol thats why im here <333

but here is to 2025! ily all <333

inspo for this post from @heechwe 's post !!!

[ivysprophecy]

Am I Okay? Chapter Three

a/n: hi again! if you havent guessed already this chapter is going to include the gala i mentioned in part twelve! (which is linked) now as author im going to state clearly that this is not their first date 'canonically', however, its what i MYSELF consider their first date. <3

warnings: i dont think there are any, but i did add a little somethin somethin at the end ;) and i should mention this ones gonna be in rafes pov ;) im in no way saying that rafe is my character

word count: 1241

this shouldnt feel as daunting as it does right now. shes just a friend. its just a dinner party, theres no commitments attached or technicalities to worry over.

its just me and her making a boring evening more exciting.

thats all.

i knock on the door and wait patiently for her to answer. i did come a bit early so i wouldnt be surprised if she was still getting ready.

she has a tendency to get swept up in the music shes listening to when shes at her vanity.

but as soon as she opens that door and i turn to see her... i suddenly forget all the convincing was doing.

cause i know after tonight theres gonna be no more hiding just how into her i am. she looks incredible.

it does something to me knowing its the dress i bought her.

"hi," thats all she says and i swear i forgot how to breathe. how does she do this to me?

"hey," my smile widens, "you look... gorgeous. really you look great."

"cant take all the credit, the dress was all your doing. im just wearing it."

"and you wear it beautifully," just like that, a natural blush replaces the artificial pink on her cheeks "we should get going, are you ready or do you need more time? i can wait."

"i think im ready..." she searches through her purse, going over its contents making sure she has everything. "yep, im ready."

"perfect," i close the door behind her as she walks out, "its a little jarring to see you without your boots."

she chuckles as i open the car door for her, "i tried to clean up as nice as i could."

"you clean up just fine cowgirl," i cant hide my smile.

the drive to the event was that comfortable kind of quiet. i always let her take aux when we drive together. country music definitely isnt my favorite but she could play a lot worse.

besides she throws in the occasional kid cudi or metro boomin for me.

shes thoughtful like that.

"oh theres valet? how fancy," the valet opens her door for her before i can even get out of the car. i suppose thats his job.

"thats kinda how these things go. theyre a bit much."

"well i think its refreshing being so spoiled. dads done a lot of fancy business but nothing like this. its fun."

taking her hand, i lead her up the stairs into the building, "ill spoil you as much as you want cowgirl."

"youre such a sweet talker city boy. for someone who, supposedly, is a serial bachelor youre a total flirt."

"nah, i only flirt with you," i tell her, truthfully. part of me said it to see her all flustered but really there isnt a point in lying about it.

i know everyones got me figured out already, the guys and their girls are better gossipers than the real housewives. not that id know anything about the real housewives. i definitely dont watch that shit.

"thats exactly what im talking about," shes giggling as we walk into the giant room filled to the brim with investors, partners, staff, clients, a bunch of people i really want to avoid. i was about to lead her over to the bar when we run into someone conveniently.

her father. that i work with. awesome.

"cameron! thought i wouldnt be able to catch you tonig- y/n? pumpkin what are you doing here?"

"dad! were in public can you maybe not call me that-"

i let a smile peak through, "pumpkin?" its just too easy to tease her.

"rafe," she sends me a warning, and you know she means business when she uses my "government name" as she likes to call it.

i throw my hands up in defense jokingly.

"its good to see you y/l/n," i reach out to shake her dads hand, "i invited her, hoping a friendly face would make the night more barrable. i hope thats alright with you."

"nah its good for her. she needs to get out more. i trust youll take care of her."

"dad!" she raises her tone while keeping a hushed voice, "dont talk about me like im not here. please."

"you kids have fun tonight," her dad wraps an arm around her before pressing a small kiss to her temple before shaking my hand again, "good to see you rafe. take care of my little girl."

i nod with a smile as he walks away, heading over to a table of some other clients i recognize.

"unbelievable! rafe im so sorry that was embarrassing. he doesnt know how to act normal. i shouldnt let him out of the house. i need to put him in a home."

"cowgirl, youre rambling. its fine, i get it. hes a dad its his job to embarrass you a little."

she rolls her eyes leading the way back to the bar like we intended in the first place. leaning against the bar she tells the bartender her order and mine, already knowing id like a whiskey.

how am i not supposed to like this girl so much when she knows me so well? i dont care if we come from two completely different backgrounds. a part of me knows this is the girl for me.

taking our drinks i lead her over to our table for the night, pulling out her seat for her to sit when suddenly i see some investors walking my way.

i knew id have to work a little tonight but it doesnt stop me being disappointed from being pulled away from her.

the night goes on, i introduce her to a few of the people i know better than others, but i give her the chance to mingle when she wants too. shes so well spoken and holds her own well.

shes mesmerizing.

at one point i return from the restroom, and when i come back i see that after i stepped away one of the investors sons is making conversation with her.

hes far too close to her for my liking, touching her arm subtly, desperately trying to make her laugh. but i can see shes only doing it to be polite.

i step up right beside her, my hand naturally falling to the small of her back. innocently of course.

"jared! good to see you man, your dad let you come?"

theres nothing i love to see more than his confidence faulter. he needed to be put in his place, what can i say?

im just happy i was the one to get to do it.

"yea... yea he did. it was good seeing you rafe. nice meeting you...?" he smiled in her direction, asking for one more chance silently, i couldnt contain my laughter.

"have a nice night jared. tell your dad ill see him at mondays meeting," and with that i lead her away in the direction of our table.

"you didnt have to be so rude to him you know?"

"cowgirl, that was hardly rude of me. i was doing him a favor."

she plasters on an offended face, pretending to clutch her pearls, "how dare you, im a catch. hed be so lucky to have me, and so would you."

god, shes such a tease.

believe me gorgeous. i know id be so lucky to have you. its all i think about.

[ masterlist ]

[oceansarepink]

Stolas: Octaviaaa!

Via: dad what the hell? Is this seriously happening? Why are you here?

Stolas: you knew what you were doing when you liked your mother’s sInstagram post on the beach with her friends!! You KNOW how hard it is for me to make friends because of my enormous brilliant mind and my romantic, generous heart!!

Via: It was a good picture!

Stolas: Every month you get five likes on my sInstagram account, and five on your mothers account, you heard what judge vagina mandated!

Frat boy: Hey man sorry to interrupt, are you stolas Goetia? Wow. Great to meet you, just wanted to say, you got majorly screwed over by those damn fire toads.

Stolas: Yeah?

Frat boy: Yeah dude! Your knight dumping you in public like that for being “used” by you? He must have been brainwashed by commies! You were just fulfilling your needs. Parrot boy was giving you the eye. And word on the street is, that mouthy imp liked being your toy, hes just too mental to admit it. Filthy labourers, can’t see real honest love when it’s right in front of em. Only transactions and meal tickets. It’s not your fault. Not to mention your harpy wife and spoiled brat daughter, they totally deserved to be taught a lesson. Blue blood doesn’t have to mean blue balls right?

Stolas: Erm…

Frat boy: Nowadays society is all “consent this, monarchy that, hierarchy is bad, imps deserve rights” Pfft. Try taking that up with the people who BUILT our society. We should be THANKING the Goetia. It’s not like you asked to be born a man, gay, and whi—uh I mean, and a prince of the Goetia. Real imps like to serve, it’s what they were made for!

Stolas: Finally, someone with sense! Blitzy kept whining about getting “looked down on”, like im this prince who thinks he’s superior. Honestly he was starting to sound like some type of socialist or-or violent abolitionist lunatic. Well, strike me down just for knowing basic biology and the natural order. Would I fuck imps if I was racist? No. I don’t even know where all this talk of me being “racist” comes from, im literally gay!

Octavia: Dad you’re ruining my fucking life!

Dialogue from Bojack horseman: Horny Unicorn

[starrysan]

holyland

masterlist

pairing: yunho x fem!reader

warnings (prerequisites?): angst, exes to lovers, swearing, not proofread 😓

a/n: I incorporated some of the lyrics from holyland where I thought they fit. @spicxbnny I hope I did your request justice, enjoy!! ^^

3rd person pov

"𝗆𝖺𝗒𝖻𝖾 𝖨'𝗏𝖾 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗐𝖺𝗅𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺𝗅𝗈𝗇𝗀 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗀𝗋𝗂𝖾𝖿. 𝖼𝖺𝗇'𝗍 𝖿𝗂𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗇 𝗆𝗒 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗍, 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗆𝗒 𝗀𝗋𝖾𝖾𝖽 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗒𝗈𝗎"

“so that’s it? you’re leaving?” y/n asked, not even sad anymore just angry.

the two were currently standing infront of their apartment. yunho had called a cab and was holding his bags waiting for it.

“i’m doing this for us-” yunho tries to reason.

“for.. for US?! no yunho this is not for us this is for you you went behind my back accepting a job even though you knew id tell you to go for if you just told me about it but no.” she stops herself from saying something she’d regret before continuing.

“you went and took it and now you’re breaking up with me for it. this is not for us yunho and you know it.”

“i-”

“don’t interrupt me.”

you were the one who said communication is key and we should tell each other anything we had going on. in what world would i not tell you to go for a job i know you’ve been talking about for years?” y/n says restraining everything in her not to drag yunho back into the house. as angry as she was she wasn’t going to not let him take this job up.

as y/n finishes talking yunho’s cab pulls up. “goodbye yunho.” she says not even watching him get in the cab and going back to her apartment.

yunho stood there stunned not knowing what to do or say as he puts his stuff in the trunk and hopping into the car.

some time passes a few years or so to be exact and yunho finds someone else. was he content? sure. happy? maybe not the right word. him and his girlfriend were on the plane heading back to Korea. was he aware he may see y/n? of course. was he scared? of course he was.

they get into a cab heading to the apartment he had rented where did he move to exactly? the apartment right across from y/n of course. did he do this on purpose, not necessarily.. it just happened to be the only apartment left in the building.

the two move in y/n not even realizing new neighbors had come in till almost a week later when she was leaving her apartment and saw yunho's girlfriend leave not realizing who she was.

"oh hi are you new to the building? my name is y/n" she introduces. the girl introduces herself telling y/n she moved in with her boyfriend about a week ago.

"hope you're settling in well. if you need anything at all just come knock" y/n smiles before heading into her own apartment.

yunho's girlfriend comes back inside telling yunho about a nice girl she met on the way back. yunho not realizing who she was told her to invite the girl over for dinner, which she did.

the night of dinner came and y/n knocks on the door. the girlfriend answers the door greeting her as she comes in. "where's your boyfriend?" y/n asked assuming he'd be here as well.

"ah in the other room ill go get him" she says leaving the room to go find him. she returns moment later and yunho's eyes widen, y/n's doing the same as the two realized what was going on.

"y/n.." yunho says. "yunho.." y/n answers much to his girlfriend's confusion. "whatre you doing here?" he asks. "here to have dinner but not anymore I guess." she says as she heads for the door.

"y/n wait please" yunho pleads. "you have 2 minutes no. 1 minute to explain what the fuck you're doing back here."

"I- the job opportunity was only for a few years" yunho starts. "and I missed home so I came back."

"and her?" y/n asked, not judgingly as she gives his girlfriend a knowing glance and she seemed to understand. "we met while I was there"

y/n takes a second to calm herself down. "im going to go home before I say something im going to regret. goodbye it was very nice to meet you" y/n gives yunho's girlfriend a goodbye as she leaves the apartment and runs back into her own.

as yunho went to sleep at night all he could think about was y/n everything that happened those years ago all flew back to him at once.

"𝖼𝖺𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝗌𝖾𝗍𝗍𝗅𝖾 𝖽𝗈𝗐𝗇 𝗆𝗒 𝗌𝗈𝗎𝗅? 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝗆𝖾 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝗍𝗈 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖽𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝗈𝖿 𝗈𝗅𝖽 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎?"

weeks go by and all yunho could think about was her. his girlfriend noticed this as well not being able to take it anymore and breaking up with him.

y/n hears about their breakup through the grapevine, or rather, she sees his girlfriend barge out of his apartment with her bags before she leaves the building. yunho watches her leave seeing y/n outside her door when she heard all the commotion but not daring to say anything.

he goes to her door almost everyday, wanting to knock but not having the courage to.

after the fifth day y/n had enough obviously seeing him standing outside, a bit pathetically she might add as she opens the door to his surprise. "y/n-!"

"save it. what're you doing outside my door?" she asks looking at him. "can we talk? please" yunho practically begs.

y/n thinks for a bit before sighing and giving him space to come in the door. "come in" she says reluctantly.

the two sit at her dining table, no one saying anything. "yunho if you're just going to sit there in silence please leave."

"no I- just needed to gather my thoughts." he says finally. "you had three whole years to do that" she scoffs.

"y/n, I have no excuse for what I did. it was selfish I know. I should've just talked to you about it instead of deciding things on my own and assuming you wouldn't be supportive I know that's not the type of person you are. can you please forgive me and could we start over?" yunho finishes.

y/n takes in everything yunho says, not saying anything at first. "say something please" yunho says looking up at her after he had been looking down at his hands.

"yunho you left me. there's no sugarcoating it- you left me." y/n starts. "but.. I never stopped loving you and im sure you knew that. which was why it hurt me even more when I saw you with someone else, let alone the person being an absolute sweetheart. she had every right to break up with you after you put her in that situation."

"we can't just go back to how we are.. it's going to take me time but if you truly changed.. we can start slow." y/n says.

"thank you y/n" yunho says going up to hug her but she stops him. "too soon?" "too soon." she replies a slight giggle when she does and all yunho could do was smile. he missed her laugh, he missed everything.

slowly but surely they got comfortable with each other, nothing crazy but it was progress. they'd sit on the couch together, not too close but the same couch at least.

yunho's lease was coming up and y/n tells him to just move back in, telling him he'd have to sleep on the couch though and he was more than content with that.

a few more months go by and y/n saw how uncomfortable yunho was on the couch the couch being far too small for him but he settled with it.

"𝗈𝗁, 𝗁𝗈𝗅𝗒𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖽, 𝗐𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖻𝗋𝖾𝖾𝗓𝖾 𝗍𝖺𝗄𝖾 𝗈𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗆𝖾, 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗐𝖾 𝗎𝗌𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾. 𝗅𝖾𝗍 𝗆𝖾 𝖿𝗅𝗈𝖺𝗍 𝗂𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖺𝗋𝗆𝗌 𝗌𝗈 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝖾 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝗍𝗈 𝗆𝖾"

"yunho?" y/n calls from her room and yunho pops his head up. "yeah?" he answers. "come to bed." she says. opening the door for him. "really?" he says making sure she was 100% sure. "yes really, its getting miserable seeing you suffer on the couch come to bed."

yunho practically jumps off the couch bolting to the bed. they just slept side by side yunho not daring to go too close to her but after a while, she lets him.

"yunho?"

"hm?"

"I love you"

he has to make sure he heard her right. "..what?"

"I said, I love you"

"𝗂'𝗆 𝗅𝖺𝗒𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗀𝗋𝖺𝗌𝗌. 𝖺 𝖽𝖺𝗒𝖽𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗆 𝗂𝗇 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝗎𝗇, 𝗂'𝗆 𝖻𝖺𝖼𝗄 𝗂𝗇𝗌𝗂𝖽𝖾 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗉𝖾𝖺𝖼𝖾 (𝗌𝖾𝗍𝗍𝗅𝖾 𝗆𝖾)"

tysm for reading! if you have any requests pls send them my way!!

if you enjoy my writing and would like to be tagged for future things please fill out this taglist form!

permanent written fics taglist: @yvnhoos @linearities @kattarrynnka

@dalsuwaha @coffeewwithdrawlheadaches

[stxrslutrestored]

small rant incoming

I’m honestly losing all the joy in writing and I can pinpoint exactly why, and maybe I’m about to be a little mean.

barely anyone on my blog knows how to engage and or request.

I post multiple fics in a week and I am lucky to get ONE ask let alone an ask about the concepts that I put out there in my fics.

I think some people fail to understand that this is meant to be a two way thing. the only things remotely close to requests I get are “can u write” and then it’s just a type of sex paired with a character.

NO. I need actual concepts to work with, I need you to give me an actual scenario. it’s obvious that some people sending these requests do not understand that I’m a real person who cannot just pump out fic after fic about the same thing over and over again.

not to mention the fact that nobody seems to get that these are supposed to be discussions. if I say “I want to talk about ___” I DONT mean I just want to write a fic about. I mean I want to hear what you guys have to say and what u think and bounce off of that! I want to have conversations that last more than one ask.

and all of this “can u write” “I think u should write” is also exhausting. just say the concept. because half the time I see these things and think that could be a great conversation but it just feels downright demanding even if it’s meant in a nice way.

maybe this is bitchy and a horrible thing to say but honestly if it continues this way and I continue getting such little engagement and so little actual answerable asks, I WONT WRITE ANYMORE.

and if ur someone who likes to actually converse with writers PLEASE come here u are desperately needed.

I mean it when I say I feel no sense of community on this blog apart from a few mutuals.

Im tired of feeling like a mindless bot, who only interacts with other mindless bots, who needs to pump out meaningless and repetitive stuff just to be even a tiny bit appreciated. ITS DRAINING.

mind you my point will be proved when this post is liked by three of my mutuals and one random bot account

[softness-and-shattering]

If I may respond, because I think its important to address trauma. I think as a collective as Jews we need to address our collective and generational trauma. Im learning how to do that individually which is the only way I know how to make a start.

There is a difference between fear and danger. Fear is a warning that there may be danger. Fear has obviously kept us alive as our ancestors, with an additional huge amount of luck or providence, got the hell out of dodge before it was too late, probably many many times over the millenia which is why we are here at all.

And it is normal human pattern-seeking behaviour to see awfulness and death wishes from people who identify a certain way, and become afraid of everyone similar to them. When its nazis, and the hate and violence are inherently part of the ideology, theres nothing to be done except take precautions and stay away. Someone should try rescue them from the lies and misery they've bought into, but as the target of their hate thats emphatically not our job.

When it comes to pride flags and BLM and id definitely like to believe watermelons, Jew hatred *shouldnt* be a central part of the identity. And I think thats where we have to take a look at fear as a coping mechanism, and evaluate how useful it is. Because it isnt the same as danger. At this point maybe lets say its an orange-to-red flag. Its not inherently danger but its something to watch out for.

And its not an obligation, to interact with people. If you need to shut down and stay in small safe circles then do that.

Its just that you say that you dont like how distrustful youve become. Ive been there and I hate it too. Two things, I guess. One is that connecting to people, trusting anyone, is inherently risky. Theres a level of intimacy and vulnerability involved even if youre just joking around with someone. For me, I dont want to become a hateful mistrustful shell of myself. What that means for me is extending some trust and knowing I could ger hurt by it. Thats just being human. But its also having other support and other coping mechanisms in place so that if I am hurt, I know how to dress the wound, I know how to unwind and recover. A lot of that is DBT self-soothing skills, its having places I can vent and be myself without worrying about the worst version of someone twisting my words might be, where I know everyone present is either on the same page as me, or shares a level of understanding of complexity that even if I say something that sounds unkind or awful I will be kindly told "hey what the fuck we need to talk about this" in a way thats constructive and thoughtful with room for learning, instead of being publically dogpiled and cancelled for eternity over a mistake or a misconception or even unexamined bigotry because we all have it and its a process to unlearn for everyone. And we need to publically be better about that but I digress.

The second thing is differentiating fear and danger. This isnt mandatory but if youre up for it I think its a healthy skill to learn in general. In tumblr terms, investigate a little. You come across someone with a pride flag in bio, look at their top posts, skim their blog, maybe throw a couple terms into the search. Then look at what comes up. Is it straight up vitriol and antisemitism, block em. Is it something that makes you defensive, pause, take a few breaths, look again. Is it actually in tone or in words calling for or excusing violence, is it black-and-white villain and victim no nuance? Probably also block. Is it passionately upset about violence without any calls for revenge or retaliatory violence? That person might be safe. Its ok if your first reaction is fear, just let yourself have a second or third reaction and srr where it goes.

The last point I have is about levels of trust, and levels of safety, and levels of vulnerability. Because youre not determining if you can give someone your home address, and youre probably not determining if theyre safe to meet in person. So its not a full on black or white safe or not safe thing. Its more like, am I safe to have this interaction? Are we talkimg about how cute our pet cats are? Probably a safe conversation to have with most people. Are we talking about the ethics of war and the existence of nation-states, thats way dicier. I talk quite a lot on here, and there are always things I choose not to share, conversations I choose not to have, posts I writr and discard, for any number of reasons. Im getting better at seeing things I disagree with and recognise when Im super unlikely to change the persons mind, and just not engaging even if it makes me really angry. Sometimes its not worth it, sometimes its too close to home and even if it might be a productive discussion, im not in a place to be having that discussion rn. Some things just arent anyones business. Some I know will be misunderstood so I dont bother.

I think in general, with basically everything, is that it takes courage to be who we want to be. Its easier to say everyone who says x or believes x or identifies as x is dangerous and I hate all of them. Black and white thinking is always easier, and because youre listening to your fear it feels safer, until you look up and youre bitter and hateful and lonely. Fear is a warning signal but it flags false positivites, and it sometimes flags danger as more extreme than it is. Like any gut feeling, always pay attention, and also use your brain to evaluate how correct it is. And then make decisions based on your evaluation.

Because its not good or fun or helpful to be afraid of vast swathes of people. And people can hurt us, thats part of the human package and very much part of being Jewish. You gotta be careful, and brave, and vulnerable imo. And have a strong support system + soothing activities you can fall back on when you do get hurt. And be selective of who you trust with how much, so when the hurt comes itll hopefully be minimal. We cant avoid pain entirely, only learn how to minimise it and look after it.

Good luck! Its not easy out there. Be safe, be brave. ❤

one of the things I hate most about all this is how distrustful it’s made me. if I see a pride flag or BLM or a watermelon in someone’s bio, I immediately wonder if they want to kill us. if they deny rape. if they cheer massacres. I don’t see those things and think of tolerance or acceptance anymore. they just make me afraid. that’s what this movement has done. and I hate not trusting people, being scared of people, but what else can I be when they’ve shown us how much they’d like to see us dead?

.

[traciekitten]

Sonic 3 spoilers!!

DAMMMMN SHADOWW YOU DOIN HIM DIRTY

(footage from here)

just oh my god. wow. this is my favorite scene in the movie, it hasn't stopped bouncing around in my head since i left the theater because there's so much to unpack here. i just HAVE to let the thoughts out of my head. some of these points I wouldn't have even thought of if i hadn't seen other people talking about it.

Starting with the thing i could feel curling up in the deep recesses of my brain while the scene was playing out: Shadow is trying to goad Sonic into killing him. Shadow doesn't even bother trying to fight back once they're on the moon and Sonic has the upper hand. He thinks Sonic is ready to do the final blow, and when he hesitates, shadow just keeps egging him on, telling him to "finish it." He’s not surprised, this is what he expected. it’s exactly what he was trying to accomplish with his taunts. (did he gesture for him to aim for the heart immm very normal and sane)

He's already charged the eclipse cannon. in his mind his life is now pointless, especially since soon it will go off and they'll all die anyway, and he may as well escape the pain of his grief sooner rather than later. He needs therapy DESPERATELY my goodness.

But also, he wants to die at Sonic's hand. He's encouraging Sonic to take revenge on him for hurting Tom. At this point, its a matter of morals and values. Shadow, now that it wont interfere with the plan, will not deny Sonic his revenge now that he's "won" it because he believes Sonic has the right to take it. All these revenge plots are justice to him.

And he wants sonic to take revenge, because it validates that belief. He points out throughout the fight that sonic is betraying his values to pursue revenge, “making the same choice [he] did.” Here's Sonic, someone who opposed his choices, making the same ones he called Shadow out for. Dying by sonic’s hand here would have proven him right in his mindset, and he was smug about it the whole time.

it’s worth noting, too, that if Sonic had chosen to take revenge, Shadow and Gerald’s revenge plot likely would have come to fruition as well. Without Shadow, the eclipse cannon would have destroyed earth. In choosing to stay true to his values, being vulnerable and honest, and showing Shadow that he could choose as well, Sonic stopped that from happening. He saved the earth and Shadow.

this scene is so loaded it blows me away. Also i honestly didn’t expect him to forgive shadow so quickly after that, he didnt even know if Tom was gonna make it. Says a lot about the little blue guy. I also didnt expect him to go off the rails, that was a pleasant surprise. I love when he gets serious!!

Looking at the beginning there again, do you think sonic sped up because he caught sight of shadow? Wouldn't be surprised if super forms come with super senses.

now if youll excuse me im gonna take the next 3-5 business days to finish processing this movie, might talk about it more might not, but i will be listening to other people talk about it definitely

[pebble-ink]

a silent voice manga panel

[spaciebabie]

at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!

[higgs-bosom-69]

who up hollowing they knight

(version without lyrics under the cut)

[themyscirah]

Complaining abt Suicide Squad yet again but the fact that they have Waller exposing the alien community to space racist attacks and talking abt how she got to her position through deceit and being a terrible person and stuff is just. Ahsfiwueh JUST SAY YOU DONT KNOW WALLER.

Anyways literally the 3rd mission of the Squad ever (and the first framed as smth Waller picked and not orders from above) was the Squad discrediting and stopping a rogue vigilante who was only arresting POC and funneling white people into white supremacy groups (of which he was the most prominent member) in SUICIDE SQUAD #4. and it's explicitly framed as this mission being personal for Waller that she's hiding from the government bc its illegal like. Guys. Please why are we having her incite (space bc comics) racist attacks now

Also the whole "Amanda got her position through deceit and being a terrible person" NO. she KEPT her position through being shitty and playing complicated political games!!! She wasn't always that way like there is a difference and it is IMPORTANT ppl PLEASEEEE. In Secret Origins #14 we learn Amanda's backstory and she used to be a normal, caring person! Like even after she entered into working in government and politics she wasn't automatically morally bankrupt like please people. She was originally given control of the Squad by Reagan (*sigh* 80s comics...) to distract and get rid of her because she was so successful at pushing progressive social policy in Congress. Acting like she's this static pillar of evil is such a waste of her character and so fucking uninteresting and disrespectful to her arc it drives me MAD.

Like I am NOT saying Waller is all sunshine and rainbows, she fucking SUCKS (said w love <3) but like there's a human being there. It's a progression, she has a character arc like please, DC, please!!! They've fucked up Waller so bad and made her so opaque and uninteresting she can't even be the protagonist of her own story for fucks sake!

Like I don't know how many times I have to scream it until DC hears me or remembers but WALLER IS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF SUICIDE SQUAD. ITS HER BOOK. yet right now she's a cutout to be used as the villain wherever the writers please. Even in her book we get none of her perspective really displayed, no exploration of her thoughts with any kind of understanding of the role she traditionally has played and was made to play in the story.