#if you havent see any of his films i encourage you to go watch some

[silentfeels]

I'm very sad about David Lynch.

[siriusmydeer]

ron weasley smut alphabet

ron weasley x fem!reader

warnings: um this is all smut

a/n: i started at 4:45pm let’s see how long it takes. *update: it is now 10:20pm, my god*

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

he takes a bath with you, with small kisses. then after when you’re done he gets snacks for the both of you. you lay your head on his chest as he praises you.

“up, up darling.” he coerces you from your laying position on his four poster bed. “m’gonna make you feel all nice and clean, yeah?”

the you most you could give him was a small nod, all fucked out from previous rounds, hours prior. your body covered in splotches of red and purple. your hair all messy and your whole body flushed with a sheer layer of sweat.

he dips both of your bodies into the bath, cleaning up your body. “you’re so good f’me, dove.”

he continued to praise you as he dryed you off with a towel and dressed you in a pair of his navy boxer shorts and his freshly clean cotton-quidditch jersey.

he layed you on the clean sheets that had changed themselves due to his manipulation of magic. he rummaged around his trunk trying to find your favourite snacks and one of your favourite muggle films to put on.

“last i went to hogsmeade ‘ve got your favourites.” he mumbled grabbing the snacks sprawling them out at the foot of the bed crawling over to your worn figure and immediately curling your body into his side.

his hand found the root of your hair massaging his way down your hair playing with your tresses. “i love you, my darling.”

“so so good, all f’me.” he praised.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

UR MF BOOTY. ron is an ass man if u try and tell me differently bitch i’ll take u outside and tell u a lil SUM. yes ron appreciates your whole body, i mean molly raised him with a LIL respect but the thought of him just laying his head on your bum while your watching a movie and he’s just caressing it just makes his heart go 💞

“ronald, you know the point of watching a movie together is too actually view the movie together. not just smoosh your face into your girlfriends arse.” you said with faux-anger lacing your tone.

you were laying on your stomach in the room of requirement, the room giving you the ability to invision anything you like; a king sized bed with a plush white comforter and a massive tv fit to showcase any movie of your desire.

ron had some other priorities consisting of stripping off your sleep shorts and laying his cheek on your bum tracing the small stretch marks that glittered your sides. he thought you were utterly perfect and just appreciating and kissing your body was one immaculate way of showing it.

“m’simply just appreciating my beautiful girlfriend.” he teased, squeezing your bum. his eyebrows then furrowing. “and stop calling me ronald! merlin woman, you know how to drive a guy mad!”

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

whewwww the thiught of him cumming inside of your fertile velvet walls, the THOUGHT OF IT makes him hard. that man loves his creampies🙄

“m’gonna cum y/n.” he groaned, his calloused hands squeezing at your hips. your trembling fingers gripped at the sheets below you, arching your back more for him.

“s-sir, cum inside me, please.” you pleaded to the red head, moaning as he prodded at your cervix.

at your word, he let go; the ropes of his seed exploding inside of you, his vision starry and his body quivering. you whimpered at the feeling of him pull out of you; clenching around nothing and feeling desperate for his warmth again.

you felt his two dominant fingers push back inside of your clenching cunt, he spoke to you as he arched your back till your stomach hit the plush of the mattress.

“gotta keep you full of m’babies, understand?”

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

oh my god breeding kink, THE THOUGHT OF YOU FERTILE AND POSSIBLY GETTING PREGNANT IS LITERALLY HIS BIGGEST KINK LIKE ITS SO HOT TO HiM.

your back was arched against the plaid comforter covering the mattress below you, you moaned into the air coarse of tension and arousal as you let your release wash over your body.

the feeling of calmness and euphoria settled into your nerves as your orgasam came to an end, your boyfriend close behind.

soon enough you felt your rons cum shoot inside of your empty-feeling cunt, just waiting for him to breed you. he waited a moment before shoving his fingers inside of your stuffed pussy.

you whined at the feeling of overstimulation as his fingers got comfortable inside your clenching pussy. “aw baby y’gonna cry? better take my fingers like a good girl or m’gonna spank you.” he obeyed you as your trembling arm made its way to his arm, feeling pins and needles mixed with slight pleasure on your clit.

“you’re my cumdump, yeah? gotta make sure all m’babies stay in there. none go to waste.”

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

i feel like you taught him everything. i mean who else has he dated either it was lavender or nobody. so i feel like the both of you learned together and yk he got good FAST 💯

you were seated atop of his slack-clad thighs, slightly squirminn and circling your lace covered cunt over his clothed cock. you moved your lips towards his jugular, his adam’s apple bobbing at the feeling of your smooth lips dancing over the column of his neck.

“y/n.” he stated in hesitation, encasing his pale hands between your cheeks and bringing your face towards his.

“m’not sure.” he mumbled, deaf to your ears.

“what?” your tone lingered in the air confused at what he murmured, you lovingly carded your fingers into his bright red hair pulling at the strands.

you wanted him to feel comfortable in whatever he had to confess, so you waited patiently until he cleared his throat; a light crimson coating his cheeks as he diverted his eyes while he spoke to you.

“m’not sure- ‘ve never- never... y’know?” he said embarassed, his hands dropping from your face and into his lap. he looked in the direction of his lap as-well until your forefinger snuck under his freckled chin diverting his gaze into yours.

“no need to be embarrassed, love. we can- we can learn together?” you proposed to him, both of you quite inexperienced when it came to sexual instances.

“you’re sure?” he wanted to double check with you, before continuing both of your acts.

“positive.”

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

definitely riding or doggy. riding because he just adores watching you bounce on his cock AND he can grab your tits AND he can see your face AND he can watch your squirm; it’s like an all in one. and doggy bc he can push your face into the mattress and just watch your back arch perfectly. when he’s feeling particularly rough, he can just grip the root of your hair and pull to his hearts desire while smacking your ass. i’m mumbling now.

you were stat atop of the red heads cock as you feveroushly bounced close to your release, his hands darting towards your tits in a firm grip feeling your nipples harden in his palms.

his one hand drifting to your waist to encourage grinding movements while the other gripped the column of your throat feeling your smooth adam’s apple bob beneath his palm.

“you look angelic on top of me, angel.” he praised, following a groan as his cock twitched inside of you.

“daddy- please, can i cum? please let me cum.” you pleaded, almost out of breath from all of the movements you had been continuously making seated on top of him.

“go on darling— cum.” he started, taking a moment to groan as his own orgasam quickly approached him too. your body almost going limp, relying on his two hands gripping the sides of your waist to continue the grinding movements as his own seed shot inside your velvet walls. your moan high pitched as his low-groan in sync.

your body slipped off of his cock, and resting on top of his freckled pectorals attempting to catch your breath.

“my sweet girl, always so good f’me.”

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

i feel like he has his moments where he accidentally tickles you, or he might crack a joke or maybe an accidental head butt. other than that i feel like he’d be completely serious almost like he’s a diff person in bed.

he was moving at an unfathomable pace, his chuck buried into your cunt. the side of his face sunken into the column of your neck feeling his groans vibrate against your soft skin.

“fuck.” he groaned into you, as your arched your back into his clenched torso feeling his muscles rub against your bare skin. you released a moan in pleasure as his cock prodded at the beginning of your cervix.

his pace started to falter as he slurred into the shell of your ear, “want you to make a mess all over me, —my cumslut.”

he groaned again, as you released yourself all over his cock and throughly coating it.

you were drenched, this got him to his orgasam faster. “my messy little slut.”

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

question of the day: does the carpet match the drapes. i think yes. i think he’s shaven but not cleanly shaven like he doesn’t fully shave there’s still SOME hair there.

manz could not give less of a fuck if you just shave or if u havent shaven for a literal month he would fuck/go down on you at ANY time.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

at first i think he struggled because he didn’t really know how to make it special but his way of showing intimacy during the do is prasing you with small kisses and just very slow and passionate. 

“beautiful, angel.” he murmured into the skin of your arched torso, moving his lips up as he continued with his praise and wet kisses.

“you’re so ethereal, my y/n. so beautifully layed out for me like this.” this time, he whispered into the skin of your breast bone suckling then leaving a small mark, before pressing a small kiss to it and moving up to to your throat.

“all to myself, my darling girl.” pressing small kisses under the shell of your ear.

“glowing like an angel.” this time the mumble of praise was against the skin of your inner thigh, sending a vibration into your skin.

“all mine. forever ‘n ever.”

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

either he does it to much or literally not at all. because he would much prefer your hands or mouth to his, he just feels like you know his body so much better.

“fuck— y/n.” he stuttered out with a groan. the sight of you on your knees for him, your hand wrapped around the girth of his cock and the other keeping yourself steady by holding his clenched thigh made his thoughts run wild.

“you’re so s-sexy— on your knees for me. just like that, fuck.” he moaned, head falling back jaw going slack in pleasure.

“knowing my weak spots so well.” he continued, precum leaking from his tip and his cock begging for a release.

you sped your pace, his prick spurting out his cum all over the hard would floor of his dormitory.

“ahh- fuck.” he groaned finishing his high.

“knowing my weak spots so utterly well, my darling. you deserve a reward, yeah?”

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

two words: size. kink.

that man has a literal FETISH at the fact he could throw you around at his will.

“would you look at that, dear?” his voice hoarse, and his eyes diverting to the bottom of your belly.

an imprint of his cock moving in and out of your pussy. his pupils blew with lust barely seeing his blue iris, grabbing both of your cheeks in his large hand moving your gaze to where he was erratically moving in and out of you.

he snatched your palm pressing it to yourself so you could feel him moving in and out of your cervix.

your back arched into him, a moan vibrations into his chest feeling so much full and so much smaller than his large body due to training from quidditch.

“it’s like ‘ve claimed you. all to myself.”

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

ronald billius weasley is a voyer at heart. so his favourite location would be the gryffindor common room couch right by the fire.

“shh— y’know i love your noises but if someone gets down here we’re going to be caught. understand?” his hand craining over your mouth and looking into your swirling irises making sure you understood.

both of his rings looped over your fingers as his fingers thrusted in and out of you. you bit your lip a slight vermillion covering the bottom of your lip and a metallic taste on the tip of your tongue as you tried to hold back your moans.

your eyes proceeding to roll back to your head and your own head falling back in his grasp as he brought you closer to your orgasam and still attempting to be quiet in the depths of the night, on the ruby couch.

the fire being the only light source, his hands easily finding their way to your cunt and hitting your g-spot with his fingers.

“ron— fuck!” your voice muffled by his hand still covering your mouth.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

when u touch him a specific way. ron isn’t an idiot and he can decipher when you’re innocently touching him and when your touching him that’s gonna lead to something else.

in the middle of the great hall, dinner time. ron normally would’ve been stuffing his face in delight; instead your hand was steadily gripping his upper thigh as he attempted to eat to distract his mind from the hard on growing from your touch.

“y/n.” he lowly growled in your direction. “yes?”you turned in his direction, seeing his crimson face. you bat your eyelashes at him feigning innocence.

he moved his face closer to yours, touching the shell of your ear with his slightly chapped lips.

“you better prepare that pretty pussy of yours to not walk for a month after i’m done with you, brat.”

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

during sex i feel like he wouldn’t want anyone else to see you, like you’re for his eyes only. like your his prized possession that he has all to himself and he definitely doesn’t wanna share, so i feel like he wouldn’t be into threesomes or anything.

“c’mon ickle ronniekins, you know they always say ‘sharing is caring.’ and i’m personally offended.” fred teased his little brother on his sex life with girlfriend after finding out ron had lost his virginity and wasn’t their “ickle ronniekins anymore”.

“oi, sharing is caring i mean if fred can then so can i.” george added, both the twins were simply just trying to rile ron up and get on his nerves.

they had no interest in having sex with his girlfriend but today they were feeling particularly annoying and wanted to see how far they could push him till he had a tantrum.

“but she did pick me and not you two sod’s, right?” ron quipped.

“so i don’t believe she’s particularly interested in any other person besides me, and i don’t share.”

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

ron would literally eat pussy everyday if he wanted to, and HE DOES. literally hours he could spend under your skirt it’s like HEAVEN TO HIM.

“sir! so sore, m’so sore.” you whimpered as he continued to swipe his tongue through your glistenening folds and around your cunt.

this has been your third time of the night cumming on his tongue, and he wouldn’t stop until you atleast did four.

your ankles were locked behind his head, both of his hands squeezing at the sides of your thighs; his rings and kneading of the flesh guaranteed to leave marks.

“m’gonna cum— please can i—“ you stuttered out trying to have atleast one coherent thought.

“go on angel, wanna feel you on my tongue.”

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

ron is fast but ron is passionate, i feel like if it was rough and fast it would just feel too rushed and he doesn’t want that so he has a fast pace but it’s also really passionate in the way he’s lovin u up.

“bunny— make me feel so good.” he crooned into your ear, feeling his breath on your neck.

he was thrusting in and out of you, well on your way to your third orgasam of the night. after switching positions and paces this one finally felt perfect.

one hand wrapped around your lower back and his other forearm knealt by the side of your face. your legs were locked around his lower back and your hands interlocked around his neck, previously scratching down his back feeling the muscles clench as your nails ran down; he was guaranteed to be teased when changing into his quidditch uniform tommorow.

his pace was fast moving quickly, but prasing your every move and showering your body in kisses.

he never deferred from making you feel any less than loved, even when being degraded or punished you knew he would shower you in praise and food. loving you in your most vulnerable state.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

i don’t think he really likes them? he doesn’t really hav enough time to do what he wants with you. like i don’t think he would want a quick fuck in a class room bc he was horny, he would just take you to his dorm for the rest of the day.

“so, so aroused you couldn’t even wait till after dinner.” you pouted at his standing figure, while you were seated on the bed spreading your legs for his use.

“and i’m the desperate slut, daddy? don’t you think that’s a bit hypocritical.” you whined at him, batting your eyelashes.

“bunny, you better watch your tone.” his slacks falling to the ground, “i’ll take you over my knee right now.”

“you gonna spank me?” whimpering, trying to push him limits.

“if you keep acting like a little brat, i will.” he said while approaching your spread body.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

as long as your comfortable with it, i feel like he would be okay with it. i mean it is your pleasure that matters most to him at the end of the day.

“and you’re sure?” he confirmed, holding the silk blindfold in between his trembling fingers. He was nervous about trying something where you couldn’t see what he was doing.

you nodded to him, looking into his blue irises full of certainty. “hundred percent. if something happens i’ll call safeword.” you assured him grabbing his hand bringing it towards your face.

“and that is?”

“red.”

“good, good.” he murmured the last word tying it around your eyes, ridding you of sight. you settled on your back against the plaid comforter hugging the mattress.

“ready?”

“ready.” you stated, feeling the cool sensation of ice glide against your stomach.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

ATLEAST FOUR. he plays quidditch. he’s sexy. he’s ron. HE can last ATLEAST four rounds.

“daddy— no more, s-so sore.” you begged as he hovered over you, his finger tips dancing on your clit. you hissed, at the feeling of pins and needles over your over sensitive cunt.

“but weren’t you begging earlier? you wanted to be a little brat and just wanted to be full? what happen to that messy girl?” he taunted, looking down at your sqriming body.

you whined as he continued to draw figure eights on your clit, already stimulating you to the point of another orgasam.

“mhm, daddy, fuck!” you whimpered, moans bubbling from your throat as you felt a burning sensation starting to tremble in your stomach

“daddy!”

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

i feel like when he is punishing you he would use a vibrator on you but tie you up and edge and overstimulate you till you learned your lesson. other than that i don’t think so because he likes teasing you himself rather than using something else.

the vibrations of a small device pressing directly on your small, overstimulated puffy, bundle of nerves and pushed out two orgasams of you already.

“daddy! no more— please! m’sorry, m’so so sorry!” you whined as your legs subconsciously shook and quivered in the grasp of the ropes around your body.

he turned up the speed, increasing your whimpers. “but, you my brat, were a bad girl. who gave you permission to flirt with harry like that?” he said completely turning off the device and waiting a few seconds before turning it up to maximum speed.

you jumped up at the reoccurring vibrations. “nobody, nobody! i jus’ wanted your attention, daddy! only you.” you slurred, your face burying into the mattress and your legs fought against your restraints.

“well all you had to do was ask, dove. now this is what happens when you’re bad.” he smirked at your figure turned away from him.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

every opportunity he has, he teases. he likes to give and take away your pleasure any time he wants just because he can. and he loves seeing you squirm for him.

he had edged you five times, you were a brat, like always but you thought he atleast would’ve given into your whining and begs by now.

“sir! please, ‘ve been a good girl. i swear it!” you said frantically as your legs squirmed due to his manipulation.

“but good girls aren’t brats, are they?” he questioned to you, you looked at him on your forearms and your quivering legs in his grasp.

“but m’sorry, please sir!”

he thought for a moment, should he give in? but seeing you so vulnerable made him want to edge you longer just to see you beg for his touch.

“hmm, baby. no” he slurred through a hoarse tone, continuing to deny your orgasams.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

it’s mainly grunts and moans, with a bit of praise mixed with degrations.

“ahh fuck— angel.” he grunted, steadying a pace into your pussy. “my good little girl, letting me use her cunt.”

“aren’t you my pretty little cumdump?” his hand grasping the column of your throat making you look at him.

you nodded at him gasping as we squeezing and continued thrusting into him.

“daddy!” you gasped as he bumped your cervix with his cock that was begging for release.

he moaned at the name, continuing his praise mixed with degrations. “my messy little cumslut— isn’t what you are?” his tone firm as he grasped your cheek in his one hand making your lips in a pout.

“yes, daddy.”

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

he would take polaroids of you during sex.

“my pretty little pussy.” he murmured snapping a polaroid of his cum leaking out of you.

“such a messy girl.” he said while fanning out the picture and looking at your limp, worn-out and flush body.

“ron, make sure you put it with the other ones- fuck!” you breathed out to him until you felt his fingers dig into the the walls of your pussy.

“gotta make sure it all stays in there, dove.”

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

i’d give him like 7-8 hard? BUT HES THICK

your lips were hollowed around his girth, sucking and licking his tip in your mouth.

he moaned at the feeling of your glossy lips around his prick sucking to the base cock.

“fuck— angel. m’gonna—“ he slurred out in euphoria trying to manage a coherent sentence when all he could think about how beautiful you looked with your lips hollowed around his cock and tears mixed with mascara running down the apples of your cheeks.

you fastened your pace around his cock, his tip bumping against your reflex causing a small gag to erupt from your throat. you payed no mind to it continuing to breath from your nose until he shot his seed pouring down your throat.

“fuck me, y/n.”

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

i feel like it all depends on you? like he’s a horny teenage boy but nothing really gets him going like you do tbh. like if you ever did something sexy or something that could be innocent but has his mind running wild then yes but other than that it’s all on your sex drive.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

i feel like after the both of you are finished eating he kisses the top of your head and the both of you fall asleep together in eachothers arms.

“my beautiful angel. always doing so well f’me.” he murmured against your hair, gripping the remote with one hand switching off the movie as your eyelids began to slowly droop down. your eyelashes dusting against the apples of your cheeks; you were so fucked out, so vulnerable, so beautiful.

he pushed the rest of the snacks onto the floor, trying to be quiet and not disturb your peace. knowing that he, or rather you would pick up off the floor.

he settled himself on the pillows stroking your hair, his own eyes dropping down as his one hand rubbed your back and the other massaging the root of your hair.

“i love you, my sweets.” he whispered before falling asleep.

taglist: @mushroomfleur @famdomhideout

[vaindumbass]

Do it. Elaborate on the Shrek au. I dare you.

oh god. oh god. well i cannot resist now i have been dared. remember that u asked for this. Also, this is mainly a collection of vague thoughts & details that maybe do not matter all that much, and will probably not make sense if u havent watched it.

fundamentally, shrek is a film (insert ‘im not even going to call it a movie’ meme here) about learning to love yourself as you are, but also about opening up to other people & letting them help you & also about how those two things interact with each other.

And who kind of hates himself and feels like a monster and uses the help of his friends? remus, of course. However! to even slightly maintain the vibe of the film the main character has to look hideous and intimidating to others, so we’re adding the lore that everyone can see that he’s a werewolf because of a particular scar on his head.

(sidenote: remember when sirius volunarily locked himself into a cave and looked like shit and ate rats? he would also make a good shrek, but if im going to list all the alternative ways this could be done we’ll never be done) 

Then, an enthusiastic four-footed sidekick: prongs. yes, it’s James in stag form. no, i don’t think he’ll be human at any point in the movie. (He has to be an outcast, that’s what unites them all, after all)

Also, the swamp is the shrieking shack.

now it’s going to get complicated, because unfortunately shrek wasn’t made with the idea of a marauders au in mind, which is kind of inconsiderate tbh. I’d make voldemort Lord Farquad just so that all the ‘compensating for something’ jokes can be replaced with something along the lines of: ‘well u know what they say: the smaller the nose,,,,’  

the magic mirror that snitches on them is Peter, and he tells voldemort that to be complete he needs a seventh horcrux and that the only thing fit for that is this one Black family heirloom. The black family will only give it away as a wedding gift. enter sirius black, stage left. 

lily is the dragon but. we’ve got to change the personality. lily is simply a Professional and wants to do her job, but james, overconfident as always, says he’ll be able to distract her with his seductive skills (yes, hes still a stag). Weirdest thing? it works. lily, who has never really talked to anyone before, just burned them to a crisp, is too busy laughing to really do anything. Somehow the whole ranting and never stop talking thing is the perfect approach, and Lily is quite curious about the outside world and how it has changed those past few years, and she is quite glad that she doesn’t have to kill him, because turns out he was just lost, and that must be true because he hasn’t asked about the prince yet. 

And then she spots Remus and Sirius getting away and realizes she was tricked. she isn’t exactly. proud of her reaction but to be fair trying to burn and kill people was just her knee-jerk reaction at that point!! she didn’t really have the time to get used to the talking thing!! 

ehhh sirius changes into a. fucking dog at night. and he can’t control it. that’s the curse. 

that one robin hood-like figure? that came to attack them? the blonde one with the song. yes that’s Gilderoy Lockhart and Sirius enjoys punching him very much (#letsiriusblackgoferal2021). Remus enjoys watching the punching and such and then the cute and slightly disturbing bonding montage starts. 

they take shelter in the windmill, sirius transforms into a dog but can still talk for plot reasons, and explains the whole being cursed and needing a true love’s kiss etcetera. remus got him a flower but drops it when he hears the words ‘but who could ever love a mangy mutt’ and it’s all a very sad misunderstanding and voldemort takes sirius away. (sorry abt putting the image of sirius and voldemort marrying into ur head <3) 

Here, for fun, I’d suggest just giving Lily some time to shine, going out, exploring the world, because she doesn’t really have a job anymore and doesn’t know what to do. She sees the fairytale people, the different ones, and how they are treated and how lord voldemort tries to get them all away because it doesn’t fit into his worldview. It’s horrible, and at her core, she’s a protector, so one day she just swoops two dwarfs (marlene and dorcas) onto her back, away from the soldiers who try to make them go down the mines and stay there forever, out of sight.

They have fun & explore & become friends, honestly, and her new friends want to show her some really cool dwarven shit let’s say a nice gemstone. Lily gives the appropriate reaction but unfortunately a very big dragon isn’t very subtle and the soldiers manage to find them and to capture marlene and dorcas, who both encourage lily to just get away as fast as possible. and lily does. she flies and flies and keeps flying until she can’t and then she stops next to a lake and cries.

that’s where she sees james again. they talk, james consoles her, says that at least she had that friendship because friendship is the most important thing in the world, and then we see him have a lightbulb moment. He makes up with remus. 

They crash the wedding! sirius appreciates the dramatics of it all, and, not one to be bested, reveals that he changes into a dog when the sun goes down. lord voldemort, appaled, calls for his guards (remember, the problem isn’t necessarily ugliness, here, but the exclusion of the non-normal, non-human people (shrek as a metaphor for queerness anyone?)) and lily eats him. #girlboss

remus hugs dog-sirius, and he’s smiling a lot more than we’ve seen so far in this film!! he also presses a small kiss to the top of sirius’ head just because. not much happens but a few seconds later sirius seems to concentrate and suddenly he’s human again (a delighted human, to be clear). he concentrates again and he’s a dog. human-dog-human-dog-human. remus, although he isn’t quite sure what’s going on, watches with a fond smile. sirius remembers he’s there and they kiss and it’s cute ig

ending scene is a big party with a banner of ‘we ended the monarchy!!!!’ and next to it there’s a painting of the person who was elected as president and it’s Just Some Guy. halfway through the party james decides to defend lily’s honour and crosses out the ‘we’ and writes down ‘I’ and drapes it around lily as if it’s a sash. remus and sirius are also vibing. dorcas and marlene are furiously digging out gems and giving them to each other (it’s how they flirt). the end <3

[myers-meadow]

salutations, snow sounds delightful! my day has been pretty uneventful, as per usual. thank you for asking. i will probably bother you with random asks for a while until i hit another burnout haha. so, no need to reply quickly, these are just for you in your free time! (and feel free to skip them even, your well-being comes first) <3

for the soundtracks, great choices! i know we couldn't expect something less from a person who enjoy Įstriži Žiburiai. and lithuanian looks interesting, reminds me of the polish language almost. (just checked the map, they are right next to each other haha)

halloween is a classic and i haven't seen in fabric so i cannot comment on them at the moment.

i only remember the last basement bit from suspiria. the intense music, the visual effects, the cinematography, the colour pallettes and the actors/actresses they had (ahem.. mia goth *cough* *cough*) are very visually pleasing (for me, who has no idea about filmography) unfortunately it was day time when we decided to watch it so i got distracted and did not retain most of the film.

thank you for giving us a piece of your thoughts. <3

curious, if you have to live in an alternative universe based on any fictional stories you've read/or created, which one will it be? (+ what is it like?)

and no, i do not enjoy sandwich unless the bread is replaced with some sort of batter or other stuff. i do not like bread. :( (ironic right? haha) and hm, i see..... :eyes: :eyes:

that is it for this ask. thank you again for taking the time to write everything! stay safe and make sure to turn off the lights and stoves before heading out. <333

🥪

hi again! nice to see u pop in again and please dont burn yourself out!! Rest is important, and to nourish yourself in every way you can. You tell me to take care, but please do so too! or else...

aahahah its so nice to see someone enjoy some non-english new wave too! To be very honest, i dont think i finished watching In Fabric because it was kinda... tiring and Lynchian? I loved how Susperia only had- like two very minor roles for men, and the rest of the actors were women? incredible. would love more of that (and tilda swinton, and mia goth and-- ). Its the kinda movie id love to see again, especially there was just SO much going on.

Alternate Universes? Hmm... Perhaps I'd say Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit? I'd just love to be a lil hobbit, filling my time with eating and cooking and drinking brandy :)) what would yours be??

Interesting! i dont eat/like bread much either! another thing we have in common.

and ill slip it in here, as a general thing to encourage ppl to watch movies that are not hollywood, but if you enjoy East-European languages, or Polish in particular, theres the really fun horror flick 'Nobody sleeps in the woods tonight' on netflix. I saw it even has a part two that i havent watched yet!

Stay safe 🥪, thank you for your kind words always, and have some stretches and if you can, go to bed on time <3 (says the one writing this at midnight)

[multifics-canary]

Marinette's New Shield ch. 2

Ch.1

A/n: guys, thank you so much for your interest in my first posted miraculous story!!! I do have others that I play around with(literally wrote one while at work) and might decide to post those in some near future. This is a little longer than the first one. And I might make a little chapter series. I don't own miraculous ladybug!! And please dont steal this :D

°·°·°·°·°·°·°

Plans are simple, especially if you do it accordingly. Lila's plan was easy to see through. Make a few little lies about your life to get people's attention, shed a few tears to get what you want, make sure no one stands in your way.

Things seemed to have backfired with Marinette, so Lila made sure to spin those lies towards Marinette. Little bullying antics and maybe one or two threats. Ruby doesn't like amateurs, especially ones like her who take advantage of others. It's also the class's fault for believing things that could be checked online.

In the few weeks she's been here, she knew everyone's name and other information. One surrounding factor was that Marinette has helped all of them and has gotten nothing in return. Genuinely, that's what a good person does. But in Marinette's case, they take advantage of her kindness. And since Lila arrived, they've ignored all the good things she did for them and thought the young designer was a jealous bitch.

Be confident in yourself. She told the designer before leaving that day. There's a complexity to making plans. The crucial thing is that it doesn't backfire. Somehow, Marinette trusted Ruby to make things right. And Ruby would make sure to rightfully deserve that trust.

Alya's friendship with Marinette was more or less normal at first, a friend trying to encourage the other to be more confident and stand for herself. It worked wonders. Then Alya starts accusing Marinette of not having facts when she should have them first. She's the journalist, not Marinette. And yet, believed those lies a pretty Italian was spilling. Hypocrite.

They would regret doing losing Marinette. Ruby would make sure of it.

"Rubes!" The girl in question looked up at her name being called, seeing Alya walking towards her, Lila next to her. She had a scowl on her face but quickly changed to a smile when Alya turned to her. Your reaction times are pathetic.

"What can I do for you ladies?"

"We're having a picnic later at the park and we were wondering if you wanted to join us. The whole class will be there!" Alya says excitedly. Ruby had a feeling it two certain people weren't invited, however, she didn't say anything.

"I'll have to check if I'm able to. A family member of mine asked for a small photoshoot session and I promised I'd be there on time."

"Oh Wow!" Alya's excitement seemed innocent enough, her interest viewable from miles around. "You're a model like Adrien?" Lila seemed interested in the conversation, seeing as she looked up in surprise.

"Not really. I pose for a few photos, but I'm more the one behind the camera. Well that's what I'm still learning anyways." She replied watching both girls reactions. One of pure excitement and the other of skepticism. If Lila didn't believe her, that's her problem. Even her uncle Gabriel was impressed with her skills, so she had no interest in impressing a common liar.

Her beginning plan is simple, befriend the class to get to know them. But not get close to any if them but Marinette, who needed the most support. That was step one. Lila already has the mindset that Ruby could be planning, but that was the point. So the liar could be aware of what was to come, just not know how much. And how Ruby loves it when they don't know.

"What else do you do?" Alya states excitedly, bringing the girl out of her thoughts. The 'reporter' had her phone out, filming her.

"Nothing special really. I write for a small media company. They're helping me with getting both my informative and creative pages out there. I have friend editing a small book I'm writing in English as we speak."

"In English?! What a scoop! You have to give me details, girl!" Alya practically screamed, her eyes shinning brightly. Surprisingly Lila hasn't said anything, but Ruby had no doubt the girl would make up a lie that related to what she heard.

"Maybe later. There's some things I have to do. As well as homework." Ruby stated, leaning back on the bench she was at in the first place. Alya deflated a bit but understood, both girls waving goodbye before leaving. Lila looked back at Ruby, glaring a little at her, but the girl wasn't worried. She raised an eyebrow before rolling her eyes, taking out her phone to study.

°·°·°·°·°·°·°·

True to Ruby's word, she was the one behind the camera. But she wasn't alone. One of the model's that works for Gabriel Agreste himself was there, along with Adrien, his photographer, Gorilla, Chloe, and Marinette. Ruby invited the girls and ran into Adrien who wanted to talk with Ruby when they both got breaks.

The photo shoot was going well, both Marinette and Chloe impressed by the professionalism Ruby had.

"You lied to Alya and Lila?"

"Technically I didn't. This model is actually a close friend, almost family. And Adrien is a family member, so only you guys know this. But what they don't know, won't hurt em." Ruby replies, when they get a small break to stretch before another shoot.

"And yet it could if they see us here." Adrien says, walking up to the three girl's. Guess it's time. Adrien glanced at Marinette before turning back to his cousin, his eyes telling her everything.

"Guys I'll be back. Me and Adrien are going to talk for a bit." Marinette and Chloe shared a look before nodding, watching as the cousins moved away.

"I know what I said to her was wrong," Adrien started, not waiting Ruby to speak. "Taking the high road isn't really ideal, but I want to help her. The smile I used to see is so fake now, and I can see she's hurting." Adrien had small tears in his eyes, and Ruby saw something shift in his shirt.

"Rubes, I don't know what to do." The blonde boy said and he looked like the same 6 year old who wondered why his father barely had time for him. Silently, she stepped forward and gave her cousin a hug, feeling him wrap his arms around her. They stayed like that for a little bit, before she pulled away and ruffled his hair.

"Admitting that is already progress. All you have to do now is talk with her. Apologize and listen to her side of the story. These so called akumas may target Lila if she gets found out, yes, but that would also make her a willing target. I heard from Marinette that she has been akumatized 3 times. You have every right to not join in me taking down Lila, but as long as you're there for Marinette, that's enough." Ruby spoke gently, patting her cousin's blonde little head. He smiled brightly, his watery green eyes shinning.

"Thank you Rubes. I don't know what I would do with you."

"You'd mope around the mistake you made until it was too late." She deadpanned, and the blonde laughed.

°·°·°·°·°·°

Not far from where the cousins were, two girls watched in shock of what was happening. Alya quickly took out her phone and recorded, all while Lila fummed next to her. Adrien is mine!

"Lets ask them! Maybe Ruby's a rival." Alya said, wiggling her eyebrows at Lila, who quickly changed her facial expression to shock. The blogger grabbed Lila's arm and dragged her over to the two.

"...of course I love her, she's family you idiot. And one of the best female models around. Unless we got Marinette to join. She gives off two tones, I'm surprised you havent noticed."

"Well you do have a special sense for these things." Adrien shrugged lazily, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"Well she gives off a type of flower princess for one. Think about it. She already has flower designs, I've seen them by the way, and with her modeling one of those outfits and you with your title as sunshine child? The fans will go wild! But underneath that flower princess is a storm. Like a female warrior naturally leading everyone to peace." Ruby ranted off, fully aware of company they were gonna have.

"I never thought about it that way. I mean yeah, I call her our everyday ladybug, but flower princess makes more sense. Actually--"

"Hey guys!" Ruby and Adrien turned to see Alya with her phone out, loosely followed by a dragged Lila, who glared dangerously at Ruby.

"This is Alya coming to you with a new scoop! This is Ruby, she's a new student at out school and have we got news! She's a photographer, a model, and a writer! Granted, she hasn't traveled or given us a bunch of stories like my best friend Lila, but she's already up in the charts. And look at this!" Alya turned the camera to show Ruby and Adrien hold each other rather intimately. "Could they be a couple? Or is Ruby a rival to famous Lila?"

"Wait what?" Ruby raised an eyebrow, glancing at her cousin, who practically wanted to facepalm.

"Come on, girl! We know Adrien is the ultimate heartthrob with his sweet personality. Now, spill. Do you guys like each other? This is another rivalry between two well known people?" Alya said, practically shoving the camera at their faces. Ruby frowned deeply, moving the camera out of the way, much to Alya's confusion.

"I don't like cameras so close to me, thank you very much. And second me and Adrien are friends, we've known each other for years." Ruby stated, growing annoyed with Alya.

"But even friends become couples! If I didn't think Lila had a chance with Adrien, you guys would make a cute couple!" Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. Ruby watched as Lila fummed even more, her eyes now on all three of them. Alya blissfuly unaware while Adrien slowly backed away, Ruby standing in front of him.

Lila radiated so much negative energy, Ruby knew it was only a matter of time before an akuma came. True to her thought, she spotted a black butterfly fluttering over to the Italian girl. Somehow, as if sensing it, she turned, spoting the akuma before smirking. Thinking quickly, she pushed Adrien back and dashed past Alya, just as Lila was about to grab the akuma.

Ruby grabbed her wrist and with her other hand, let the akuma flutter to her family bracelet. Everyone stared in shock as Ruby let go of Lila and fell on the floor, holding her head. She vaguely heard Alya and Adrien yell out her name in concern.

Not far from where they are, Marinette felt her purse shift in the direction where the cousins had left and turned, gasping when she saw Ruby holding her head as Adrien, Alya, and Lila --in her case pretend-- to calm Ruby down. She saw the purple outline and dashed towards them, Chloe right behind her.

"Hmm, you are not ms. Rossi. No matter, your protective anger of wanting to help a friend is powerful. White knight, I give you the power to protect your friend from a manipulative liar. In return, I want Ladybug's and Chat Noir's miraculous."

"No." Ruby said loudly, her eyes snapped open as she slowly stood up, wobbling in her place. No one touched her, but stayed close in any case. "You made a mistake, Hawkmoth. Because I know now who you are." She said quietly, a hunt of saddness in her voice. Everyone around her was freaking out, but Marinette just kept staring at Ruby, slowly inching toward.

She wrapped her fingers lightly on Ruby's akumatized bracelet, and the girl snapped her head to the young designer. "Have fun trying to get your akuma back, Hawkmoth. I'm keeping it until Ladybug comes to purify it."

"You insolent girl! Give in to your anger!" Hawkmoth practically yelled, sending a wave of pain to her. She winced, closing her eyes tightly as she felt Marinette grab both of her wrists, grounding her.

"I have no anger. You're trying to give me yours. Now if you'll excuse me, I have things to do." Ruby calmly stated, severing the connection between her and the villain. Once it was gone, she groaned, falling forward. If it wasn't for Marinette holding her, she would've collapsed.

"Rubes can you hear me?" Marinette says quietly, Chloe trying to shush the growing group around them. Ruby blinked a few times as her eyes began to focus on blue eyes.

"H-hey maribug." The girl finally said, watching as Marinette let out a sigh of relief. She let Ruby lean on her, keeping a careful eye of the akumatized item.

"Ruby thank you so much! I would've been akumatized if you hadn't saved me." Lila spoke first, smiling brightly at her, though her eyes held a dangerous glint. Somehow the whole class was there, thanking her and asking if both she and Lila were okay.

The girl just smiled weakly, still feeling the negative effects of the akuma. It took a while bit eventually the class left, having a picnic to go in another area of the park.

Only Alya and Lila stayed behind, one filled with worry while the other was filled with silent anger. "Ruby, you sure you're okay?" Alya asked, warily glancing at Marinette, who was still holding on to the girl.

"I'm fine. Marinette can take care me. It's not like I have anything against her." Ruby deadpanned, before quickly relaxing so the akuma can't turn her. Alya seemed shocked by the statement, and had no time to respond, feeling Lila pull her away.

"Chloe, help me get her out to a more secluded area." Marinette spoke, the blonde nodding. Adrien had disappeared, probably getting something or going back to the photo shoot.

Both girls helped Ruby to the back of the bakery, which was the closest. Marinette left, saying she'll bring some water and cookies. So Ruby stayed with Chloe, who for some reason was having a mental breakdown, though she hid it well.

Ruby closed her eyes and leaned her head on Chloe's shoulder, waiting for Marinette or Ladybug.

Only after a few minutes, both Ladybug and Chat Noir arrive quietly, not wanting to startle the girl. Chloe-- who had a red face, Marinette would talk to her later-- gently woke Ruby up, and saw saw the heroes in front of her.

"Are you okay?" Ladybug asked softly, chat helping her sit up.

"I'm fine, Ladybug. Just a little tired. The akuma is in my bracelet." She holds up her arm, and a darkened bracelet practically glares at the heroes.

"Chat Noir said that he saw you were keeping the akuma, and not being akumatized is very brave of you." Ladybug smiled, removing the bracelet and handing it to Chat Noir.

She summoned a lucky charm, catching it and staring in confusion at the item. It was a phine that had a picture of Chloe, Ruby, Adrien, and Marinette. Chloe face was red while Ruby held her possessively, and Marinette and Adrien were smiling in satisfaction.

Later. The heroine thought to herself as Chat Noir destroyed the bracelet and she caught the akuma, purifying it and throwing the lucky charm in the air. The little ladybugs fixed the broken bracelet and Ruby practically relaxed against Chloe.

"Do you know how the akuma came to you anyways?" Chloe said after a while, her face beet red.

"Alya thought me and Adrien were flirting with each other. Which one, gross, and two we're cousins. And even if we weren't related, he'd be like a little brother to me. So the reporter, who really doesn't know what she's doing, kept saying all this stuff that made me seem like a big deal and could rival Lila. Obviously she didn't like that. Then Alya said that if she didn't think Lila and Adrien would look good, I'd look great with him." Ruby said, rolling her eyes while Ladybug pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. Ladybug, you need to do something about lie-la. And the supposed 'ladyblog' that is filled with lies." Chloe huffed, watching Chat Noir nodding a little in agreement.

"Actually. I have a plan, and I could use your help." Ruby stated, smirking at the heroes.

The Paris saviors looked at each other, the black clad hero nodding at his partner. Turning back to Ruby, Ladybug smirked, a hand on her hip.

"We're listening."

°·°·°·°·

Requested tags: @ezio-demon @ignorantly-apathatic @marilee98 @tinybrie @kuroko26 @claaydoh @mewwitch @taleeuuhhh @starrosecolors @zebrabaker @miraculously-quality-content @slytherinqueen2432 @rayray384 @starberry-mina @royalchaoticfangirl @book-r-the-best (I was generous and did 16)

General tags: @the-wlw-cafe @mcgrathandwives @imagine-lcorp @baked-bean-bekah @natu123 @wlwhc @nobodyfamousposts @gale-of-the-nomads @miraculous-of-salt

[deniigi]

I had a really bad day (I wont say why because I wouldnt want you to feel like I'm guilting you into anything) and I was wondering if maybe you had a dfv/lfv or inimitable verse drabble you havent put up or one on here you really like you could point me to (navigation is hard on mobile) or even just some like hcs. If not its totally ok! You dont owe me anything. But I thought I'd ask and see if that's ok.

Oh no!

Sorry that you had a rough day my dear. I don’t have much in the works for those verses right now (I’ve been hammering my head against a wall, trying to write out a piece exploring Gwen and Murderdock’s relationship–it’s not working tho, so I’m stopping). Of course any of the Clint-based pieces are fun in those verses if you need a pick me up, but I am equally fond of Chapter 13 of Sidebars.

But! If you don’t mind a little piece from Lying by Omission/The Sprawl I’ve got cute little bit of Jack and Ben going out to dinner with Matt and Peter?

I’ll put it under the cut if you’re down

—-

“Dad, let’s go out to eat.”

Jack didn’t trust that. Jack had been scarred by the durian. Permanently scarred. He was never coming back from the durian. He was etching a durian with a big ‘X’ through it into the top of his next coffin for future archaeologists to find and have absolutely no questions about.

Matt, sensing that he was presently not receiving the amount of attention that he could be receiving, oozed out of the kitchen and draped himself over the back of the couch, right behind Jack’s shoulders. Jack glanced to the side and noted that he was wearing shoes.

He wasn’t chancing it.

“No shoes on the couch,” he said.

“It’s my couch,” Matt hummed, already migrating over to the couch’s arm, no doubt to burrow his way under Jack’s own arm.

“It’s a couch.”

“My couch,” Matt hummed, plucking Jack’s phone out of his hand and tossing it callously to the other side of said couch. He then executed the burrow and wriggled himself over so that he was the sole occupant of Jack’s lap. He waited, as sweet as could be, until he had Jack’s more or less undivided attention.

The kid was heavy. Jack couldn’t tell if he knew just how heavy he was.

He suspected that he was more than aware of it.

Matt beamed at him. He did not pull his shoed feet over the couch’s arm.

A sign of obedience. Or perhaps a buttering-up technique.

Tricky, tricky.

“Why do we need to go out to eat? What’s wrong with what’s in the fridge?” Jack asked Matt’s untrustworthy grin.

It faded a little because there was a pout which needed doing.

“I’m tired of eating potatoes,” Matt huffed.

“Take it back,” Jack scolded him. “I won’t hear any raggin’ on tatties in this household.”

“I want rice.”

“I’ll make you rice, Matty.”

“I don’t want your rice.”

Picky little shit. Just like his mother. She’d been the type to refuse a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if the slop wasn’t equally distributed.

Jack’s rice was perfectly fine. It even had bits of onion in it. If he was feeling real fancy, he might even cook it in broth or something.

“Fine, so make rice yourself,” he said. Matt squirmed up and wrapped arms around Jack’s neck. He put his cheek against it and immediately made the skin there it itch.

“You need a shave,” Jack huffed, reaching back for his phone. Vanessa was doing battle with her replacement: Bella the cat. She was giving their zombie group the play by play of the her and the cat’s opposing campaigns to win Wade’s favor. Thus far, Bella had broken a plate and gotten scratchies and kisses for it. Vanessa was outraged.

It was an outrage to behold.

“Daddy.”

Not this again. This was no reason to bring out the big guns.

“Get your shoes,” Matt whined.

“Baby, you can go out. I’m not stopping you from going out. No one is stopping you from going out, god help us,” Jack told him.

Matt abandoned his neck, stretched out, quick as a whip, and snatched the phone on the other cushion. He crammed it into his shirt and then replaced himself and his face-broom against Jack’s pulse point.

Yeah.

Yeah, Jack didn’t know what he’d expected to happen here.

“Matt,” he warned.

“Dinner.”

“The last time we went to dinner, you broke my heart, soul, and trust.”

“I won’t do it again.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah, right. ”

“I won’t,” Matt promised, pulling back to add puppy eyes to the mix.

That was unfair. Uncalled for. Totally underhanded.

“Why don’t you go out with Foggy?” Jack tried as a last-ditch effort.

“Because I want to go out with you,” Matt emphasized. “My pops. My old man. We gotta bond. It’ll make me more well-adjusted. The internet says so.”

Jack was confiscating the internet. The internet was a know-it-all snitch.

“DAD.”

“Fine, for fuck’s sake, boy. Get off, you’re drowning me here.”

  Jack would go out to dinner on one condition.

Two conditions actually.

1)      There was to be no durian. Anywhere. At all.

2)      He got to bring moral support.

Matt was more than cool with that because it meant that he could replace the durian with another creative element which would equally torture Jack.

So Jack asked Ben Parker to come along. Parker was sharp as a tack. Compared to Jack, he was a man of the world. A reasonable and sensitive body with respect for his fellow humans. He promised to help Jack identify potential threats to his person flung his way by his uncaring and mischievous son.

Unfortunately, to that end, Matt insisted that they take Ben’s nephew, Peter, out with them too.

Jack knew from the start that this was Matt inserting his chaos element into what might otherwise be a perfectly tolerable and uneventful night out. But he also held out hope that Peter would be the sweet, kind-hearted boy he appeared to be.

It really was too much to ask for.

Peter latched his whole body onto Matt within seconds of their two parties meeting up and the two of them immediately set to whispering which bode poorly for everyone else involved.

“I believe we may have made a mistake,” Ben observed, rubbing thoughtfully at his chin.

  Matt wanted rice and Peter wanted something sour enough to leave ulcers in his mouth, so the two of them decided that Thai food would achieve both of these effects. Jack was suspicious. Ben told him that Thai food was very tasty and he had little reason to fear, except.

Except.

“Peter hates durian, it’s fine, he won’t be setting up any conspiracies around it,” Ben promised him.

Mm.

They’d see about that.

Foggy had said something similar when he and Matt had dragged Jack out for Filipino food.

  Jack was pretty sure that Peter just wanted a lime. He was 90% sure that all Peter’s cravings could be satisfied with a lime right now.

Matt, however, in an unlikely turn of events, convinced him that he should get food-substances to accompany his burning desire for limes. Peter grumbled at this and deferred to his uncle for support in the face of this logic.

Chaos element, located.

“Pick a carb,” Ben directed.

“Sugar is a carb,” Peter argued.

“Pick a carb in a less refined form,” Ben countered easily.

“If it’s raw sugar, it—”

“Veg, noodles, or rice,” Ben offered him.

Peter scowled.

“You said a carb,” he pouted. “I want sugar.”

“I have good news for you, sweet child of mine,” Ben said fondly. “There is sugar in everything served in the United States of America. You will have your sugar. Pick its structure: veg, noodles, or rice.”

Ben made Jack feel like a shit dad sometimes. Although, to be fair, Jack hadn’t been a dad as long as Ben had.

Peter, outwitted and bitter about it, agitated Matt to help him.

Matt saw no need for that.

“You’re gonna be hungry in an hour and then you’re gonna whine about it,” he declared.

Peter scowled at him and then turned his lethal puppy eyes onto Jack. Jack set up a menu between the two of them because he was not strong enough to cope with that.

Peter whined behind it.

  Things were going too smoothly for too long. Jack did not trust the decent behavior happening at this table. Ben got a kick out of his paranoia, which was great because someone needed to.

“What are you hiding?” Jack asked Matt. Matt scoffed.

“Chill, old man,” he said. “We’re literally just having dinner. Maybe try to have a good time, huh?”

No.

Something evil was afoot.

Peter snickered. Matt swatted at him; he easily dodged the hand.

Trouble.

  Dinner was eaten and paid for and Jack eventually gave up and settled down. Begrudgingly, he had to admit that Matt was right. Thai food was nice. No incidents had occurred. There was no durian. Ben and Peter made for good conversation, even if everything led back to Peter’s obsession with sci-fi films.

Ben told him that if he kept mentioning them, the aliens would hear him and his name would start to move up higher up on their list of potential captures.

The kid was horrified.

Matt helpfully started counting off the number of times Peter had mentioned aliens in the last week and Peter had briefly looked like he was going to cry.

“Is your wife not going to hear of this?” Jack asked Ben as they walked after the trouble duo who had determined that they were finding dessert at a different location. They seemed to know what they were after, so Jack and Ben left them to it.

“Oh, she will,” Ben said.

“And you don’t mind?”

“She encourages it. She’s convinced him that if you leave a tv on static, aliens can pick up on your watch history.”

Interesting parenting techniques going on here.

Ben laughed.

“Well, I guess we just figure that if you’ve got a weird kid, it’s easier on everyone if you just lean into it. My brother probably wouldn’t be so down with it, but he’s not here, so whatever.”

Ah, right.

“Peter’s your brother’s son, then,” Jack noted.

Ben hummed.

“I…guess,” he said uneasily. “I—it’s hard to explain. I mean, biologically, yeah he’s Rich’s son. But, you know, me and May’ve raised him for longer than Rich and Mary were ever in his life, so, I dunno. Is it fucked up that I kind of think of him as my son?”

No. Not at all.

“My eldest brother pretty much raised me,” Jack told him. “My mama couldn’t be assed to do anything more than scream at the drop of a hat and my daddy was busy drinking himself to death, so Bill was the one who got me up and dressed and off to school in the morning. I always thought of him as a mix between a brother and a mom.”

“No shit?” Ben said. “Where is he? He still around?”

Uuuuuuuh.

“We haven’t talked for a long time,” Jack said.

“Oh? Well, now’s your chance you know.”

Jack tried not to wince too sharply. Ben caught it anyways.

“Or not,” he said. “You don’t have to if its painful or something.”

Oh, buddy.

“We’ll see,” Jack decided. “I’ll need to think about it.”

He didn’t know how Matt would react. Hell, he didn’t know how he would react to seeing Bill again.

  Matt and Peter presented Jack with a drink that had evil hiding in the bottom of it.

He should have known better to think he’d escape that night uninjured.

–

I hope this cheers you up my dear and that things get easier for you soon!

[palcicle]

Timezones Unsolved

General

- this is not like buzzfeed unsolved cuz I havent watched it and dont want to

- demons are like. These sort of evil things. They dont exist in hell cuz that's. Religion

- demons exist in another dimension that's like rlly chaotic. They exist to make the real world more chaotic. No one knows why. Not even the demons.

- the Biggest demon is shlatt. Ppl arent exactly sure if hes even real but he still has influence no matter what.

- shlatt has a number of underlings (one of which is mo) who try to cause chaos in the real world thru middle management.

- now. Ghosts. When people die, sometimes they die peacefully. Sometimes not. Ghost happened when people dont.

- sometimes ghosts come to peace and leave but some just wanna vibe irl. So they do.

Ok so humans (?)

Andy

-hes just like a dude. But hes cool

-the leaves on his head were, at first, just because he climbed through some bushes in the first video. They became part of his brand.

-once he got really popular, he got a beanie made with felt leaves on the top.

-he made a youtube channel a while ago. His first video was him exploring an abandoned warehouse. He got spooked by Bee, who was there, vibin.

-he edited it very good. It exploded. Ppl memed him.

-his channel, Ayap-Ghosts, went viral overnight. He went from tinyyyy lil baby channel to a cultural phenomenon literally in 24 hours.

-good thing he happens to be VERY good at editing and filming n stuff.

-though, however good he is at youtubing he is in this au, one dude cant keep a big youtube channel up for more than a month without burning out n dying, which brings us to

Mo

-ok, so now we have to define demons.

-I know this category said humans at the top. Shut up. Lemme talk.

-demons are made of two things and two things only. Stories and allegiance to shlatt.

-all demons have an original story (ie: some dude sees something creepy in the woods) and then once theyr created one of the shlatt underlings finds them and gets them in. Theres like facilities. Its actually rlly nice.

-so what's the problem with mo? Shlatt never found her.

-shes just. Hanging out in creepy places.

-the thing is, she pretty much passes for a human, (excluding the mask she cant take off) and because of that, she has to eat and stuff.

-so what job lets someone show their face rarely, encourages weirdness, and lets you keep a finger on the pulse of the demons?

-Ayap-ghosts editor.

-once she was fully created (which took about a month of retellings of the creepy girl in a bird mask (sidenote: probs just someone's Halloween costume)) she hung out for a while, waiting for someone to come get her, and when it became clear no one was gonna get here, she started realizing that she needed to eat.

-once she got really hungry, she found out she could get a job.

-and then andy posted the first video.

-she saw that he needed an editor/extra filmer, and she jumped on the opportunity, and just like. Drove over to his house and was like "ok I live here now"

-the thing with demons though, the more people retell and add to their story, the more powerful they become.

-Mo (and soph but I'll get to that later) is very very powerful. Ayap-ghosts has fan communities who tell their story and await their weekly uploads!

-though, a channel would be nothing without its content. Which brings us to

Ghosts and Demons

Bee

-when she first met andy, she was just chilling in a local warehouse, when this kid with leaves on his head (???) Just wandered in scared looking with a camera.

-she decided it would be very fun to torment him.

-she followed him around for a bit and then popped thru a wall. Very scary stuff.

-once he uploaded the video, she realized this could actually be really cool.

-she just like, went over to his house also. (Same night as mo)

-and was like "hey whaddup".

-andy freaked out at first but bee calmed him down. She offered to be part of the channel.

-also, smol tangent, ghosts (and demons) can look however they want, so bee and soph chose to look scary for the Views.

-so now, filming consists of bee, mo, and andy driving out to some spoooooky place ("this is bullshit I dont need cars I can float" "stfu bee the rest of us have corporeal forms")

-and then setting up some scary scenario for mo and andy to film. So Andy's fear is pretty much all a complete bit. Theyr all havin fun guys.

Soph

-demon

-bit of a high level one too, high up enough on the chain to have met shlatt personally once.

-she used to be not as high level though. At first she was just a lackey but! One day, shlatt heard of a very successful youtube channel.

-he sorta rifled thru his files and was like heres one! Hey soph get over here!

-soph got over there.

-he was like "go bother these kids" and she was like "ok"

-she got there to see a ghost, a sorta demon, and a human dude filming a spooky video

-so at first shes like "hm I know how to cause chaos" and destroys the film set.

-they just sorta laugh. A broken flim set is just as creepy as anything

-and she like "huh"

-and then she watches them. This is about the third video they've done together so they have a sorta rythm.

-and she realizes that their goals are the same!

-at the end of the video, she goes down and apologizes. And everyone, to her surprise is like "oh it's all cool"

-and then all of them sorta just arrange to meet once in a while and film! Soph shows up sorta rarely (demon business, yknow) but she still shows up regularly.

Misc

-theres no story is just these three are friends and they do videos.

-Andy's good at baking. I just decided this now. It fits w his charater idk.

-mo tried to help once. Mo is not good at baking.

-soph tells mo about the demon world. Mo still wants to be part of it but shes happy where she is.

-Andy is really scared in the first video, but not in any of the others. None of the others were sorta ""real"" even though the first wasnt either.

-theyr all just friends idk what else to do w this.

@ayapcraft @jokoswrld @positive-hell @cscoopsunocards

[apriorisea]

BTS Imagine: Insecure - Hoseok

You exhale in relief as you kick off your heels inside the door of the apartment: work had been kicking your butt lately and you were excited for the weekend. A whole 2 days of absolutely nothing except hanging out with your boyfriend and NOT thinking about work. You rub the back of your neck. “Hobi?”    “In here,” he calls from the bedroom.    You smile automatically as you pull off your least-favorite work blazer; you hadn’t realized until just this moment how much you’ve missed him. Your schedules seemed so out of sync lately, to the point where you’d had to turn down his dinner invitation a few times; you’d even missed accompanying him to a music-show taping. In the 7 months the two of you had been together, you hadn’t ever missed even one.    He’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, his computer in front of him, in comfy joggers and his favorite hole-y hoodie. He smiles up at you. “Hi angel,” he says brightly. “How are you?”    “So tired,” you groaned, flopping onto the bed. He immediately adjusts so you can rest your head against his thigh, one of his hands going to stroke your hair automatically. “Why do I keep going back to that place??”    He makes a soft, pitying clucking sound. “Because you love it. Usually.”    You sigh at his reminder and curl into a ball, closing your eyes tight as if that can make his rational statement evaporate. “I guess. But now I have the whole weekend off—-2 whole days without having to worry about deadlines or anything else!”     “That’s good. What do you want to do with all your time off?”     “Sleep and eat and watch dumb TV shows and sleep some more!” You open your eyes when he only makes a quiet ‘hmm’ in response. You roll over to look up at him. “What about you? How was your day?”     He shrugs and looks away from you for the first time. “It was fine. Nothing special.”     You trace the pattern of the logo on his joggers. “Well how about your week? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. How was the taping?”    “Good! You know how much we like going on that show—always an experience.”    “Oh yeah?” you ask, hungry for information. “What happened this time?”    He lifts one shoulder in another half-shrug. “Oh, you know, we made our way through it. I only had to yell at Jin-hyung once.”    You hesitate. It was an answer, but not a real one: you both knew that Hoseok didn’t have to yell at Jin very much anymore. It was clearly a joke, an old one that you hadn’t heard for a long time. “Oh…” you say more slowly. “Nothing else? That host was so rude to you guys last time!”    “Yeah, that was crazy,” he says. “But, you know, it was good. Nothing we can’t handle!”    This makes you frown. “So you’re saying he suddenly got a million times more respectful? Because—”    “It really was fine, angel,” he interrupts you. “What do you want for dinner? Are you hungry? I think some of the guys might be doing pizza night at Jimin’s, if you want?”     You sat up abruptly, knocking his hand away from your hair as you did. “Pizza night with the guys?” you repeat. Something is wrong. The two of you hadn’t been able to hang out alone for the last week, and he’s offering up pizza night with the guys? You look at him carefully.    “Sweetie? Everything okay?”    He doesn’t lose his pleasant expression and that’s when it hits you in the gut: this was the old Hoseok, the one from your first and second and third dates, the one who wasn’t sure how much to trust you, the one who held back from revealing too much, who kept it light and shied away from anything too real. This wasn’t your Hoseok, this was J-Hope, noted sunshine and happy virus from the most popular boy band in the world. The realization stings. “Hoseok…” you say slowly. “I’m really sorry I missed the taping. I wanted to be there, you know I did, I just…my stupid partner at work made another dumb mistake and so I had to fix his mess. I really am sorry.”    He smiles (again) and shrugs (again). “It’s really okay.” He reaches out to close his laptop. “So, what do you think about dinner? We could also go to the ramen place on the corner.”    The busiest and loudest restaurant in the neighborhood. You swallow down your hurt, trying to figure out what could have happened to make him react like this. “Do you not want to be alone with me?” The blunt question rushes out of your mouth in one breath, the words slurring together.    “What??” he blinks in astonishment, but unfortunately for him, you’ve grown too accustomed to his for-the-camera reactions. “Why would you say that? I’m just feeling like some tasty ramen, that’s all.”    You stare him down, waiting for him to break. When he doesn’t, you say, “You guys are filming the new dance practice video on Sunday, aren’t you? How is it going?”    “Oh.” He can’t maintain eye contact. “It’s fine. Great, I mean, you should see the outfit Tae is planning to wear!”    “So you’re not worried about how sloppy the bridge looks anymore?”     “Nah.” He brushes it off with a grin. “We’ll make it work—we always do!”    Another idol-ism. You grind your back teeth in frustration, then go in for the kill. “I was talking to Yoongi yesterday: he said you strained your shoulder during the taping. Is it okay?”     “Of c—”     “Knock it off.” You couldn’t take it anymore. “What is the matter??”     He shifts uncomfortably; you notice that he doesn’t move the strained shoulder very much. “Nothing, angel, I—”     “You’re lying to me,” you accuse. “You haven’t answered any of my questions. This isn’t a real conversation, this is–this is—” You can’t find the right words, so you go for the easiest ones. “This is you being an Idol instead of a boyfriend.”    He looks hurt, but can’t actually deny it. “I—” The edges of his mask start to crack, and in-between the lines you see the real him.    You feel some of your frustration disappear when you see the hurt in his face. You duck your head to catch his eyes, and reach out for him; when your hand lands gently on his shoulder, he winces, and you lean forward automatically. “Hobi,” you say softly. “What is going on?” You move your hand to touch the side of his face and feel him break.    His face crumples. “You don’t love me anymore,” he breathes.    “Excuse me?” You feel your jaw drop slightly. “How exactly did you come up with that?”    He shrugs—you notice that it’s the uninjured shoulder that moves—and the first little tear escapes. “I don’t–I don’t know. You’ve just been gone so much, and I-I know how nice you are, angel, you’d never want to hurt anybody, so I figured…I figured you were just letting me down easy, slowly distancing yourself because you don’t love me anymore, and I just, I didn’t know what to do.”    You take this in slowly: this week must have been even harder for him that you had realized. Between the shoulder injury, the uncomfortable taping, the time spent apart, and the pressures of the job, he had obviously been running himself down and was now at the end of his energy. You felt bad that you hadn’t seen it sooner. Taking a small breath, you lean in and press your lips gently, but firmly, against his cheek. “Okay,” you say as you straighten. “Lay down, sweetheart.”   He looks over at you in surprise.    “Go on,” you encourage, scooting off the bed and putting his computer away for him. “Make sure your shoulder is comfortable.” You give him a look until he follows your instructions, then hurry down the hall to get a heating pad. You wait impatiently while the microwave does its job, every part of you itching to go back to him. When it’s finally done, you go back to the room to find him sitting back against a mountain of pillows, his shoulder supported carefully. You climb onto the bed next to him and set the heating pad gently against his shoulder, wincing with him empathetically. “So,” you say softly, brushing his hair out of his face. “You’ve had a rough week, huh?”    He doesn’t answer, still trying to pull himself together.    You sigh and lean in to kiss him. His eyes close slowly. You smile as you feel his arm wrap around you to hold you in place. After a long moment, you pull away and brush through his hair again. “You really think I don’t love you?” Before he can answer, you add, “I’m really sorry I haven’t been around lately. It killed me not to be at the taping, and I’m so sorry you hurt your shoulder.” You readjust the heating pad.    “I love you, angel,” he says quietly, his hand still resting on your lower back. “I don’t know why I got so crazy, I just….”    “I think you’ve had a long week,” you reassure him. “And…this is the first week we’ve spent completely apart, so maybe this was good.” He scoffs under his breath and you smile. “Okay, not good, but we survived it, right?”    He tugs you down next to him, curling his arm around you. “Barely,” he admits, turning to kiss the side of your head. You feel him wince again as the movement hurts his shoulder.    “For the record,” you say after a second, “One of the best moments of my life so far was when you started opening up to me, when I became your best friend, when I fell in love with you. So when you shut down like that….”    ��I’m sorry,” he says immediately. “You are my very best friend,” he adds earnestly. “And I love you more than anything. I’ll be better from here on out.”    You shake your head. “You don’t have to be “better”–just be you.”    He rests his head against yours, content and relaxed again. “Promise.”

[magic-and-moonlit-wings]

hmm.. hey, would it be too much to ask for just like a bunch of random facts about your changeling!jim that havent been said? i Love him and i want More Of Him

5 fun facts that have been shared about him, but which could be missed since they aren’t in the text of the story: 

1. Jim cries when watching Lilo and Stitch because he relates deeply to Stitch - a manufactured ‘monstrosity’, feared and hated and cast aside, who ends up on Earth and gets adopted into a human family. 

2. Shortly after James Senior left, Barbara caught Jim eating eggshells and thought he was developing pica. She warned him about the salmonella dangers of raw egg residue on the shells, and made him see a therapist. He got sneakier about eating them after that. 

3. Jim brought the fifth-birthday bike kit to the Janus Order headquarters and “banished it to the Darklands” - tossing it, piece by piece, into the Fetch. 

4. Jim is more attracted to trolls than to humans. 

5. Jim was originally going to be a matchmaker, as part of his desire to “get the fleshbags to enjoy life while they can”, but this idea got scrapped early on in his character development. (It still kind of comes through in him ‘encouraging’ Barbara and Strickler to get together, but that’s a scheme for her added protection, not matchmaking for its own sake.) 

25 fun facts never previously publicly revealed: 

1. Back in the Darklands, Jim had a reputation for being a good scavenger. Changelings on the surface who remember him from the Darklands are not surprised he likes cooking, and feeding people, because of how good he was at scavenging for food and how surprisingly willing he was to share.

2. Jim loves soft things. Changelings in the Darklands sleep together in a pile for warmth and he liked finding soft things to bring into the pile. 

He used to sneak into the Nursery to steal extra blankets from the supplies. The goblins chased him off the first few times but started ignoring him once they realized he wasn’t going after the cradles themselves.

3. Jim speaks goblin, well enough to recognize that the goblins in the Darklands and the goblins on Earth have different regional dialects. (He only speaks Darklands-goblin but they are close enough to be mutually understood.)

4. Jim was kidnapped in the last raid before the Gumm-Gumms were trapped in the Darklands. He can infer from how back his memories go that he must have been taken in one of the last raids - he can’t remember a time the Gumm-Gumms weren’t trapped in the Darklands - but he doesn’t know which one specifically.

5. Whenever Jim found books that were sent through the Fetch, he traded the book and a copious amount of flattery to bribe Dictatious for a reading lesson. That’s how Jim was able to read some of A Brief Recapitulation of Troll Lore on his own, without the Amulet translating, and how he was able to later compare Blinky’s and Dictatious’ teaching styles.

6. “Hit ’em in the Dictatious!” is a Changeling combat move wherein one strikes one’s opponent in the mouth and gronk-nuks at the same time. Jim coined the term in a moment of frustration, saying he’d like to hit Dictatious in the Dictatious if he could get away with it and then explaining the puns involved (dictation, referencing Dictatious’ excessive talking, and, well, the dick joke in his name), and the other Changelings loved it.

7. Nomura and Jim knew each other in the Darklands before either of them were assigned a Familiar.

8. Jim’s hair used to be dark blue (like Troll Jim in the show), but it turned black when he was tied to his Familiar. It is common for Changelings to experience minor cosmetic changes like that during the binding process.

9. He doesn’t actually look like Troll Jim from the show. There’s a resemblance but there are differences. (The audience gets a full description of what Changeling Jim looks like once Barbara sees him transform.)

10. Before they get Familiars, Changelings don’t have names. Gumm-Gumms call them “Changeling” or “Impure” or some variant of “hey you there”. 

If unnamed Changelings address each other directly, they use nicknames or say “Imp”, which becomes inappropriate once they do have names. (It was a major and deliberate insult when Otto called Not Enrique ‘Imp’ in Season Two; Otto was basically saying Not Enrique wasn’t worth planting on the surface and didn’t have a name yet.) 

Jim’s nickname, because of how he always brought soft things into the sleeping pile whenever he could, was ‘Cuddles’.

11. One of Jim’s dearest and most secret ambitions is to climb onto AAARRRGGHH’s back and take a nap in his fur. He’s pretty sure AAARRRGGHH would say ‘okay’ (at least before AAARRRGGHH found out about Jim being a Changeling) but never had the nerve to ask.

12. Jim is allergic to soy in his troll form, but not in his human form. Even he doesn’t know this yet, because he’s only eaten soy occasionally and only ever while humanoid. It’s not a deadly allergy but it is alarming and unpleasant.

13. Jim has memorized the personal scents of all of Nana Domzalski’s cats, so that if he sneaks out to hunt, he won’t eat one of them.

14. Jim is the reason the Lakes have never had a squirrel or raccoon nest in their attic. It’s not really an attic so much as a crawlspace between the ceiling and the roof, but the only access point from inside is a trapdoor in the ceiling of Jim’s closet, and he’s gone up there to ‘take care of’ squirrel or raccoon problems before Barbara can notice them.

15. When Jim was a newly-planted Changeling, he got curious whether any iron could transform him or if it had to be a gaggletack, so he snuck down to the kitchen late one night - figuring if Barbara or James caught him in troll form he could convince them it was a dream - and touched the cast iron frying pan. It did nothing. 

(Because I wanted him to be able to use cast iron cookware, and as a fun reference to how, in the novel that inspired the series, it was actually the horseshoe shape rather than the iron that disrupted the glamour - one Changeling gets exposed by being forced to touch a horseshoe-shaped emblem painted on a football helmet. No Lucky Charms cereal for them!)

16. Jim visited the Arcadia Oaks headquarters of the Janus Order for the first time within a week of being planted on the surface. The goblins led him there.

17. After James left, Jim hauled most of the blankets and sheets down to the laundry room, opened all the windows, set up a bunch of fans all blowing at full power, and washed everything he could get his hands on, to purge James’ scent from the house. 

Barbara noted this was odd, but Jim seemed to be channeling his grief and anger in a non-harmful way and she was too emotionally exhausted to interfere with anything that wasn’t dangerous, so she let him do it. 

Jim also insisted he and Barbara sleep in the living room for the next several days. She thought it was because he was scared she would disappear too, but it was actually to give time for James’ scent in the bedroom to fade, so Barbara wouldn’t be coming downstairs in the morning smelling like James hadn’t abandoned them. Jim would have liked her to just get a new mattress, but recognized this wasn’t financially viable with Barbara suddenly the sole breadwinner with med school tuition and a mortgage and bills to pay.

18. Jim has read most of Barbara’s medical textbooks. He doesn’t understand a lot but he had picked up on some of it.

19. Jim can use his cellphone to check on Jay-Jay, by switching the camera to the ‘selfie’ setting. Spitting on just the lens or the screen when the camera is facing the other way doesn’t work, but when the camera faces backwards, that makes it ‘close enough’ to a mirror for the spell to take effect. 

It does not work with his computer camera. Jim’s hypothesis is that the selfie camera on his phone allows him to spit on both the camera lens and the screen at the same time. 

With careful experimentation, Jim has confirmed he can take pictures of Jay-Jay this way, and use the ‘video’ setting to get audio. He can even film Jay-Jay if he has his phone on ‘video’ to begin with and starts recording after the spell takes hold; if he starts recording before, it just shows Jim’s own face. 

If he zooms in close, spits on the phone, and then zooms out, he can see a bit of the Nursery surrounding Jay-Jay, though not well due to the light conditions.

20. Jim always intended to give Jay-Jay back to Barbara someday. 

His original plan, back when he thought Gunmar would farm the humans instead of wiping the species out, was for Jay-Jay to be returned as a bribe/reward for Barbara’s good behaviour as she provided medical care for the human livestock. 

(Obviously the main reward would be ‘not getting eaten herself’, but Jim’s plan to sell this idea to Gunmar was that Jay-Jay would be a hostage who could be eaten as punishment if Barbara stepped out of line without actually costing them a doctor.) 

Ideally, she would apprentice Jay-Jay and teach him to become a doctor as well, so he never would get eaten and so that, once Barbara was too old to practice medicine, she could still be kept alive as a reward/hostage for Jay-Jay’s good behaviour. 

Jim would lose his human form but still have the Changeling immunity to sunlight, so he didn’t see this affecting him negatively. 

He hoped returning her biological son would speed up Barbara forgiving him for his role in subjugating her species, which Jim could admit to himself was probably something she’d be upset about.

21. Barbara or Toby being eaten by a troll is literally one of Jim’s worst nightmares. He doesn’t have that dream often but it always leaves him very clingy the next day to whichever of them he dreamed was eaten.

22. Jim will put mild sedatives in Barbara’s food and turn off her phone once she’s asleep when he thinks she’s working too hard, or if he needs to sneak out on her night off. She’s perpetually mildly sleep-deprived, so it doesn’t actually take much to knock her out.

23. The reason Jim dresses all in blue, even though he associates the colour with danger (because of Gunmar and the Nyarlagroths), is because he thinks it makes him look intimidating.

24. It is very important to Jim that AAARRRGGHH gets to stay a pacifist. It’s not just because he’s scared of AAARRRGGHH; it’s because Jim doesn’t like fighting, but, between his Changeling past and his Trollhunter future, he doesn’t feel he has the option of being a non-combatant, so someone like AAARRRGGHH having the choice to not fight becomes an emotional substitute (projection? I’m not sure I’m using that term correctly) for Jim himself being able to stop fighting.

25. Jim is convinced the reason Blinky keeps saying “Great Gronka Morka” is to keep himself from saying “gronk-nuks” in moments of frustration instead, like if a human said “balderdash” instead of “balls”.

[hgfstreamchats]

The Legend of the Titanic & Tentacolino

Hello! Me Hello there, night human! thenightetc So... I haven't heard of this. What are we in for...? Me A mess. thenightetc *anticipation, yet trepidation also* thenightetc Quick, put it back-- Me Nothing to see here. thenightetc 😬 And he just happens to sit there! Me What a coincidence! Jalaperilo yo! Me Jalaperilo human! Hello! Jalaperilo i have 0 work tomorrow so i can hang all night! thenightetc Hello! Nice. Me Glorious! You won't want to miss a second of this one.

The Ramsey human can smell lies. Jalaperilo the ramsey human is one of the best of us. tells professionals when they are idiots, encourages those that are learning Me Exactly the way it should be. thenightetc ...Alright, I know how food looks doesn't necessarily indicate how it'll taste, but Jalaperilo what the f are chitlits? thenightetc They're... pig intestines Jalaperilo ah thenightetc Boiled and fried Jalaperilo and microwaved apparently thenightetc Oh! THAT'S where that's from! Me I always wondered! Jalaperilo he's so different on american tv thenightetc Red velvet cake is delicious Jalaperilo it is I'm gonna cry thenightetc ....:< Me I like to think I've learned to spot a good human, and he was one. thenightetc Yeah. Jalaperilo oh yes his acting is amazing Me It really is. thenightetc They may not be effective at villainy, but they make a wonderful band. Me We'll just...pass on the video where he's singing on his death bed. Onto the giant octopus movie? thenightetc ...Yes, let's. Jalaperilo what is this? thenightetc Hello! eggshellwhitesucks Hi! Me Hello! Jalaperilo yo! eggshellwhitesucks I’m the anon who demanded a terrible movie and I’m pleased Me """"Whistle"""" thenightetc We just started. Me Happy to deliver! Thank you for prompting this awful thing! eggshellwhitesucks Why are there so many movies about mice being put into terrible situations Me Maybe the mice deserve it for some ancient atrocity? eggshellwhitesucks hey look it’s discount marissa faireborn Starscreamapillar Oh good, I did not miss the madness. Me Unicron forbid! thenightetc Aw, he even has a little sailor suit. eggshellwhitesucks that’s just lazy writing thenightetc What is that hat Starscreamapillar Someone ate part of it. They are rodents. Jalaperilo they said they wwere in england, but if theyre picking up europeans, they'd be in france thenightetc That's right, this is a soccer movie now Me This certainly has something to do with anything. Starscreamapillar Mouse soccer definitely belongs in a titanic movie. Jalaperilo they had to fill the movie with innanity cause the story is lacking thenightetc Oh! Cats! Starscreamapillar Who could possibly be the bad guy. It is a mystery. Jalaperilo just her hand? thenightetc Looking forward to this descending into a horror movie as the cats hunt down and brutally murder every single mouse character eggshellwhitesucks I hope this ends up like the bee movie and she falls in love with a mouse Me Oh look, it's the personification of Vos. Starscreamapillar . . . Me Well, the fun part, at any rate. Starscreamapillar Good save. Jalaperilo nut him! she looks so generic eggshellwhitesucks OH was that completely necessary Jalaperilo nothing in this film is Starscreamapillar That is unsettling. thenightetc Well! Nothing distasteful about THAT. Me Close your mouth. eggshellwhitesucks Because everyone knows who that is thenightetc Oh, so he's saying his boss is too special to follow the rules. Jalaperilo looks like the animators cant animate dialogue, everything is spoken off camera Starscreamapillar Classy. eggshellwhitesucks The best part of the movie thus far Jalaperilo why havent they set off yet? Starscreamapillar They have to wave in three frames of animation per second. eggshellwhitesucks is this movie even about the titanic Jalaperilo this offends me eggshellwhitesucks tag urself I’m his eyepatch Jalaperilo i'm the entire cast being american Starscreamapillar Exclusive. Worldwide. Whaling rights. Because surely one man can grant those. Me I'm the wistful she-human in the painting. thenightetc Now that you mentioned the dialog thing I can't stop seeing it I'm the lamp. Starscreamapillar I am the broken CGI. thenightetc .... Jalaperilo haha! thenightetc That uh certainly is something. Jalaperilo this is where the dialogue animation budget went thenightetc Probably half their budget eggshellwhitesucks ...there’s still an hour left thenightetc oh my god THEY WERE JUST FLAT TEXTURES Jalaperilo oh god egg, why did you do thuis to us? Me Why is soccer mouse afting around with him anyway? He's not staff. thenightetc "mouse inspection board" Jalaperilo i'm not scottish, and this accent offends me to my soul thenightetc I'm pretty sure none of these mice are staff, per se eggshellwhitesucks he’s the spike witwicky of the movie Starscreamapillar Is he the one that sinks the ship, then? eggshellwhitesucks No that’s the iceberg, the best character thenightetc They're all stowaways. They're all stowaways. Starscreamapillar Are they even speaking actual words, or just vague, word-like noise? thenightetc ...What did her hair just do? You all saw that, right? Jalaperilo i was distracted by smut on my other screen eggshellwhitesucks I was going to respond to that with a comment but I’ve got nothing Jalaperilo then tey all die in the icy water eggshellwhitesucks I’m so proud of the icy water It deserves an award Me It's doing good work. Ew. Jalaperilo was this film originally another language? thenightetc .... Starscreamapillar A racist. Jalaperilo hahah! thenightetc So this IS like Bee Movie Starscreamapillar Only if it is reciprocated. eggshellwhitesucks Oh great they sing Starscreamapillar Those dolphins, and their fifty foot leaps. thenightetc Hoverdolphins. Starscreamapillar And floating. eggshellwhitesucks They escaped from Seaworld. Jalaperilo fuck off i hate everything that was just said eggshellwhitesucks Bad comment my apologies thenightetc Magic. Jalaperilo what you say? Me I laughed at it. eggshellwhitesucks Oh it’s an educational film it has nothing to do with the titanic If they all live at the end I riot Starscreamapillar I think she is just insane, and there is no dolphin magic. Me I want all these characters to watch each other die. Jalaperilo she was prob high on mescaline as it was in most medicine back then eggshellwhitesucks That would certainly be more entertaining thenightetc hahahaha eggshellwhitesucks I like how you keep checking the time just to remind us how much longer we have to endure this thenightetc Getting some more mileage out of that model, I see Me Oh, it does that when I archive the chat. Starscreamapillar .... The frag is that? thenightetc oh my god A... shark-man. With a hat. A prison hat? eggshellwhitesucks I want to see him face off against the sharkticons Me I too want to see him die. thenightetc With any luck, "face off" is what would happen oh my god She just rolls with it Starscreamapillar Did she not tell them what she thinks? Me Mescaline: not even once. Starscreamapillar Two mice, truly the backup she needs to turn the tide of her unwanted marriage. thenightetc "Now that I know a couple of talking mice I just met are on my side" Jalaperilo youre on the same ship in the middle of the sea eggshellwhitesucks I just missed a good two minutes because I got a phone call. Can I have a recap? thenightetc "fascinating charisma" Jalaperilo ah, this was original italian thenightetc Well, the minion guy apparently is in league with sharks, and the mice revealed themselves to this lady and offered to help her get out of her engagement ThebesAce Sorry I'm late--whoa, is this the second animated Titantic movie? MAKES IT EASY Me It is! Starscreamapillar Well then. Problem solved. Jalaperilo the besace! thenightetc Oh, god, he's still got her glove. Starscreamapillar Stop smelling that glove, it is weird. ThebesAce Jalapero! eggshellwhitesucks Titanic 2: the boat is back this time with vengeance thenightetc I bet smelling isn't all he's been doing. Me He's doing all kinds of things to that glove. ThebesAce (I know it's jalaperilo but I like going jalapero in my head) (SPICY DOG) Jalaperilo knock out, please, i'm trying to eat ice cream i got it lol ThebesAce I mean, it's not wrong okay, it's wrong, but it's not incorrect thenightetc ...So he CAN talk Starscreamapillar And then he ate those mice. eggshellwhitesucks He believes in a functionalist society. Me Smiley believes that some bots should be smelted for the greater good. ThebesAce or he doesn't want humans asking questions about him coughing up sailor outfits thenightetc Now, what about the cats. Oh, god, the soccer thing's going to die into it eggshellwhitesucks I’m thinking of a particularly horrific scene from the great mouse detective Starscreamapillar Oh yes, the tiny, mouse sized soccer ball sent him flying. Jalaperilo what is actually going on, cause i keep looking away for a few seconds and i have no idea whats happenng ThebesAce shenanigans shenanigans are happening thenightetc I think it was a regular soccer ball that the mouse somehow kicked hard enough Starscreamapillar It is all nonsense, even when one tries to pay attention. eggshellwhitesucks All that matters is they are en route to a giant ice berg Jalaperilo cant come quick enough THERE IS A SEQUEL ThebesAce YUP TENTACOLINO Jalaperilo tentacle what? eggshellwhitesucks i‘m so buying these films on dvd ThebesAce the sequel, it's called Tentacolino Jalaperilo thats up knock out street Me Don't tempt me into streaming it. ThebesAce You mean you don't want to stream the tale of toyland Atlantis? Me ... Starscreamapillar . . . thenightetc voyeur mice Me Well, we're watching it. And I've no objections to watching it tonight, if no one else does. thenightetc Let's do it! Me Beautiful! thenightetc Was that a pun? Jalaperilo might as well, we've come this far thenightetc Mice-tro Starscreamapillar Sure, I have not suffered enough in my lifetime. Jalaperilo this is our collective punishment for the terrible things we all did in the past eggshellwhitesucks I’m home alone all weekend to watch the dogs and my mom is gonna be like “what’d you do last night” I can’t wait to introduce her to this wonderful world of cinema Me I like how he seems to have given up on the female mouse and settled for her brother. eggshellwhitesucks Iceberg. Roll credits. Jalaperilo can he understand them? Starscreamapillar I have been exploded from the inside out, and I still count these films as more painful. ThebesAce I am also in for the sequel and apparently yes Yes he can Jalaperilo he didnt cry in the moonlights into the sea or whatever the fuck it was ThebesAce no but true love or some crap like that thenightetc I think the mouse was saying something about how if he marries her, he'll be able to understand them? eggshellwhitesucks Oh great. I’m so glad Smiley gets a girlfriend because we totally needed that. thenightetc I'm just glad there's not going to be a human/mouse romance after all eggshellwhitesucks Oh I completely forgot about the eyepatch villain Jalaperilo i thought the sailor mouse and the football mouse were a couple ThebesAce this movie isn't nearly that interesting eggshellwhitesucks Time to write fanfiction Jalaperilo the only piece of fanfiction to be written of this eggshellwhitesucks Didn’t they like just meet Starscreamapillar Have they actually said a whole sentence to each other? thenightetc I'm not sure they have. Me True love means never having to say literally anything to each other at any point. Jalaperilo theyre from the romeo and juliet school of romance thenightetc He had his dog steal her glove, he kept the glove to... smell... and then they danced eggshellwhitesucks The mice are the real villains. They just interrupted Smiley’s wonderful sleep. Me He was dreaming of a better movie! thenightetc Oh. New characters. Hooray. Jalaperilo cant wait to see these gypsy stereotypes eggshellwhitesucks Boyfriend. Smiley gets a boyfriend. Me Well, that's refreshingly...something. thenightetc "Mice! Wearing little clothes!" Jalaperilo gotta get back to my comics eggshellwhitesucks Well that’s totally a good idea thenightetc Please let them electrocute themselves Jalaperilo so, god i must be really flakey tonight. WHY do they want her to mary the eyepatch guy? Me This won't backfire at all. Starscreamapillar So that is why the ship sank. Evil mice sabotage. eggshellwhitesucks YESS THE ICEBERG thenightetc The eyepatch guy wants her father's whaling rights eggshellwhitesucks I’ve been waiting the entire movie for the iceberg thenightetc Again, why does the shark have a prison hat and patch Jalaperilo the iseberg is here to cleanse us of our sins thenightetc And hands? Starscreamapillar Because he is a bad guy. ThebesAce THAT'S HOW SHARK-HUNTING WORKS wait how did they understand the sharks, anyway Starscreamapillar Moonbeam slag. thenightetc He has stripes, too eggshellwhitesucks So this was the inspiration for finding nemo Jalaperilo why come up with the moonbeam shit if everyone is gonna understand animals thenightetc How is the hat styaing on Who put a shark in jail Starscreamapillar Because the humans who made this are also high on mescaline. eggshellwhitesucks Magic Jalaperilo haha i feel im on mescaline Me I like his large, visible claspers. thenightetc ..... eggshellwhitesucks I want you guys to know my dog is equally as disappointed in this film as me thenightetc *eyebrows* eggshellwhitesucks She fell asleep Jalaperilo your dog is a good judge of character and film thenightetc *eyebrows* eggshellwhitesucks She fell asleep Jalaperilo your dog is a good judge of character and film Me A very good dog. Jalaperilo many pets for doggo eggshellwhitesucks do they not realize that if the titanic sinks they too will die because of the icy cold waters or are they hoping to survive off of the marvelous breadfish thenightetc So he's like. A baby giant octopus Jalaperilo WHAT IS GOING ON??? tantacles. finally something for KO Me I'm in serious danger of losing my taste for tentacles. eggshellwhitesucks The shark is officially my favorite character. His manipulation tactics are wonderful. thenightetc And who can blame you? Jalaperilo i hate this octopus it looks fucking freaky thenightetc Got a little... dog nose ThebesAce don't worry, he suffers thenightetc nooooo, poor cat eggshellwhitesucks Death to the mice via the introduction of cat? Starscreamapillar Is he going to murder that old man? Jalaperilo we can only hope eggshellwhitesucks Man this really....sinks Starscreamapillar . . . Jalaperilo booo eggshellwhitesucks Almost as bad as the joke Ice to see eyepatch man again This movie is whaley bad Jalaperilo what they making him sign? Starscreamapillar A will. ThebesAce This script needs a tuna-p. Me They should have cetacean-motion a better one. thenightetc Wait, the hat wasn't stuck on? ThebesAce Eh, I'd probably clam up about my involvement in this, unless I was a real sucker. eggshellwhitesucks I can’t believe they’re sinking the ship. It’s clearly octopied. thenightetc Hhahahaha Jalaperilo YOU CAUSED A MASACRE KID thenightetc And nobody saw fit to tell him before he did it This is a pearl of a movie. Me "LOT OF POOR PEOPLE AND CHILDREN, KID." ThebesAce it is when they manage to coral their animation and tell the story eggshellwhitesucks I do wish I knew what type of mascara the captain uses Jalaperilo they served a lot of nice drinks on the titanic. they all went down well with ice Me HAH! thenightetc I mull-ask why anyone thought this was a good idea. eggshellwhitesucks This movie just got good. Because they’re all going to die. Jalaperilo ssoon we will be free of this awful movie Me And onto its sequel. Its awful, awful sequel. Starscreamapillar Ah yes, plenty of room for everyone. That is historically accurate. ThebesAce Don't want to bring the mood down, talking about the TITANTIC TITANIC* eggshellwhitesucks Well, ship happens. Jalaperilo how do you do a sequel? do they do a return trip on the lusitania? ThebesAce If it mast, it mast thenightetc I'm getting a sinking feeling about this. eggshellwhitesucks I heard the salads on the titanic used excellent iceberg lettuce. Me The script just falls a-port. thenightetc Well, I am looking forward to the sea-quel Starscreamapillar I hate all of you. thenightetc 😁 Starscreamapillar He's dead. Excellent. thenightetc What an electrifying solution. ThebesAce Guess we really sunk your opinions of us, huh eggshellwhitesucks Icee dead mice. Jalaperilo cant wait for this to fin-ish thenightetc That is definitely how octopi move, galloping across the ocean floor. eggshellwhitesucks Wait the octopus’ name is literally tentacles? Jalaperilo they dead eggshellwhitesucks That’s REALLY lazy writing. Me Casual sexism, lovely. Jalaperilo elizabeths full name is elizabeth human-woman Starscreamapillar Finally, someone acknowledges that it is a mouse. thenightetc And that there's something weird about that. eggshellwhitesucks Row row row your boat gently down the freezing waters you’ll inevitably die in Starscreamapillar The Titanic kraken. How could we forget? Jalaperilo didnt half the people die in the sinking? ThebesAce so do dolphins just. Fly? thenightetc ...Did he just Take a breath Me He did. Starscreamapillar Yes. eggshellwhitesucks Oh by all means save the instruments for incidental music thenightetc Well, THANK GOD everyone's safe! Starscreamapillar And then no one died. Except for that one mouse. And I guess those three idiots. Jalaperilo i hate this ThebesAce my, I feel such tension for their safety thenightetc I'm glad nobody died in the MOST FAMOUS SHIPWRECK OF ALL TIME. Me I certainly care what happens to them. eggshellwhitesucks Jut say “I never want to let go” and get it over with ThebesAce I am so invested in this cardboard cutouts of people and animals Starscreamapillar DEad. Jalaperilo where the fuck did this whale come from Starscreamapillar No such thing as hypothermia. Jalaperilo deus ex whales eggshellwhitesucks Hear that kids? The next time your boat sinks in freezing cold water jump in and die of hypothermia instead! Jalaperilo lemme guess, thats the uss california ThebesAce well I mean that did actually happen historically, but it sure didn't end happily Jalaperilo *ss Starscreamapillar I am glad he is dead. No.... eggshellwhitesucks He comes back as zombie octopus in the sequel thenightetc Well then ThebesAce the sequel is a hot mess of acid-fueled bad ideas eggshellwhitesucks And this film wasn’t? thenightetc Oh, so it's in the spirit of the original. ThebesAce no, compared to the original, the original is boring thenightetc noooooo, the cats ThebesAce the sequel's where they put the HILARIOUSLY bad ideas thenightetc ...His name is "Don Juan"? Starscreamapillar Of course it is. ThebesAce yes, because this is an Italian production, and they thought that was appropriate thenightetc Welllllll I'm sure their marriage is going to be just fine. Me Smiley and his boyfriend are the only acceptable couple in this movie. eggshellwhitesucks I concur thenightetc Thank god they gave that mouse tits. eggshellwhitesucks Wow this films soundtrack sure is wonderful Starscreamapillar But only two. Instead of the twelve she ought to have. Jalaperilo HAHAHA eggshellwhitesucks Hahahahaha....no Jalaperilo threesome eggshellwhitesucks I just heard the cinema sins laugh play in my head Me Beat the horses to make this tragedy right! ThebesAce I feel like Cinema Sins' sin counter would combust trying to tackle this movie Jalaperilo why is this film still going? thenightetc Oh good, more terrible CGI Starscreamapillar An unmoving mannequin crowd. Jalaperilo eat them eggshellwhitesucks I....I’m boycotting for the lack of death thenightetc And nobody's concerned about a giant octopus grabbing people out of the crowd Jalaperilo beig fukken stoned eggshellwhitesucks I didn’t need to see that the animated mouse ass Starscreamapillar That mouse made all that up. Me Sometimes they meet up for "fishing trips." thenightetc That explains a surprising amount He didn't want to upset the kids so he told them nobody died. ThebesAce yup. Starscreamapillar They also lived for eighty years. ThebesAce lot easier than telling him he was a stowaway shiprat who clung to a liferaft until he saw the shore thenightetc ...THIRD animated Titanic Movie? eggshellwhitesucks I’m switching to a computer because the sheer horror of this film killed my phone’s battery Me As well as something precious inside of all of us. ThebesAce YUP COME JOIN US IN ACID FUELED SEQUEL LAND thenightetc Oh, good, they kept the CGI model. Starscreamapillar I am fairly certain it is known where the wreck of the Titanic is. No searching necessary. thenightetc ...oh, they're just recapping for the credits. nevermind thenightetc "It's in just the right position now!" teehee Jalaperilo i had to go deal with some noisy ass bug in my room what did i miss? ThebesAce absolutely nothing Jalaperilo oh good lol ThebesAce they recapped, then bathysphere to find the Titanic Jalaperilo bathysphere? Starscreamapillar Somehow, despite the entire lack of quality of the first film, this one manages to look worse. thenightetc Why's his hat different ThebesAce it's that round diving thing with the lights coming out Me I miss Smiley's accent. And "Y." ThebesAce you attach it to a ship, dip it down as far as you can get it, then winch it back up Starscreamapillar It is a different dog, Smiley did and was replaced with Smile. thenightetc Wow, they extended themselves to ANIMATE the cgi! Jalaperilo so theyre going to go get the titanic? Me He ran off with his Scottish beast of a boyfriend. Jalaperilo are they gonna thenightetc Uh Jalaperilo ............ ThebesAce SO WHO WANTED THIS TITANIC MOVIE TO BE A MUSICAL thenightetc Where did he get that shirt ThebesAce BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING A MUSICAL Starscreamapillar Oh good. It is a musical now. Me I like that this is apparently almost two hours long. Jalaperilo thebes, you sneak 2 hours to go get the titanic eggshellwhitesucks Oh this one's a musical. Wonderful. Jalaperilo his fin is unfortunately placed thenightetc Everything about this is unfortunate. Where did the hermit crab get glasses eggshellwhitesucks I can't wait to perform in this show. Jalaperilo haha thenightetc He IS half yellow eggshellwhitesucks Almost as much as I hate eggshell white Starscreamapillar That is why he has yellow on his stolen clothing. thenightetc Why is he stripping eggshellwhitesucks Clam down guys. ThebesAce why was he wearing clothes in the first place Jalaperilo whats with the oyster chorus ThebesAce now hold on, it took a lot for them to come out of their shells Jalaperilo wait, did i miss something, is the football mouse a girl? thenightetc Sharks hugging. eggshellwhitesucks The original voice actor came to his senses and decided he wouldn't do the sequel for purposes of his career. Jalaperilo why was there no background music thenightetc Why DOES he have a different hat than the other sharks Shouldn't there be water cominb in? Jalaperilo sharks arent evil thenightetc Isn't one of those things an air hose or something? Why are bubbles coming out of the sphere itself eggshellwhitesucks Because I'd much rather watch this film than Shark Week thenightetc Why does he need them to come with him to brush his--oh, of course, he can't reach his own teeth with his weird finhands Jalaperilo where is the music? what is the purpose of this scene? thenightetc Wow, everything about this makes sense Jalaperilo its too complicated and nothing is happening thenightetc So, all the air's definitely leaked out, right .................. Starscreamapillar . . . . Sure. Jalaperilo whaaaat thenightetc This sure is how everythign works Starscreamapillar The air they are wasting currently. Jalaperilo when does james cameron appear? thenightetc From the top. Jalaperilo haha Starscreamapillar I wish this was the undersea crevice Megatron was chucked into. He deserved this madness. eggshellwhitesucks I think I like this Tentacles a bit more. thenightetc Ha! Me He's got a pinch more grit. Jalaperilo its 3am and ive lost the plot Me Aerosol cans. Because of course. Starscreamapillar That is how bubbles work. thenightetc Sure is. That, too! eggshellwhitesucks OH MY GOD SEAHORSES ThebesAce THAT GALLOP WHAT Me "Oops." thenightetc "what's a dog" Jalaperilo they dead? Starscreamapillar If only. thenightetc Couldn't they just carry them up to the surface instead of taking them to Atlantis? Starscreamapillar No. They have to kidnap them. thenightetc Of course the octopus has trouble squeezing through slightly tight spaces. ThebesAce WELCOME TO TOYLAND ATLANTIS Starscreamapillar Wasn't there a Titanic involved in this search for the Titanic? ThebesAce YOU ARE ABOUT TO FIND OUT WHY I CALL IT SUCH eggshellwhitesucks "I'm dead" if only Jalaperilo but all dogs go to heaven Me I think I like this Smiley. ThebesAce You are doomed to eternal bathtime, Smiley Me New theory is that Smile is Smiley and Bow Dog's disappointment of a son. thenightetc Are these coffins Jalaperilo hahaha! headcanon accepted Me Oh no. Jalaperilo why she got a cowboy hat? thenightetc What, haven't you ever seen a nurse before? Minidress and cowboy hat are standard Jalaperilo oh no yeah, i remember my mum wearing a cowboy hat for the last 37 years thenightetc Um UM Jalaperilo WTF eggshellwhitesucks that's uhhh horrifying Jalaperilo WHY IS IT MOVING ThebesAce and we now enter the terrifying toyland-esque parts of the movie Me "The treatment" eggshellwhitesucks why does he have no face Jalaperilo the 'treatment' is a transorbital lobotony Starscreamapillar Kidnapped forever. thenightetc Uh Me "They go in through your nose and they let you keep the piece of brain they took out." thenightetc Why does the evil fish have a spring, though Jalaperilo what is it thenightetc Why is the Jalaperilo what is it thenightetc creature Jalaperilo i hate it thenightetc following him around "you know.... in case you want to sit on me" Jalaperilo DONT SIT ON IT Starscreamapillar Sit on his face. thenightetc SITS Jalaperilo it talks ThebesAce "You're trusting this to the pogo-ride freak of nature?!" "Hey!" "Pingo, you can bounce away your worries, but you can't bounce away the truth." thenightetc He's... "made of" silver? eggshellwhitesucks so he's a revolutionary thenightetc "oh we kill everyone who finds out" Me The surface is literally right there. eggshellwhitesucks They serve human beings who find Atlantis. as food ThebesAce the sound of a man who faces eternity with Pingo Starscreamapillar Certain Things. thenightetc "your... parties are always fantastic, sir" eggshellwhitesucks I want to shamelessly see her on a seahorse. Starscreamapillar That is a cowboy hat headscarf. thenightetc "It's such a pretty color, it must be safe!" Me Eight minutes later, they were all dead. Jalaperilo dont drink the coolaid Starscreamapillar Atlantis the mini-mall. eggshellwhitesucks So this IS a hallucination? Me Atlantis is tacky. eggshellwhitesucks the lost city of disappointment thenightetc So... are they underwater, or not? Jalaperilo ok.im tapping out. its 3:15 and nothing is happening in this movie Me Good call. Jalaperilo ciao! thenightetc Goodnight! Me Good night! Starscreamapillar Rest well. eggshellwhitesucks Hope you dream of the Titanic and mice! thenightetc That is some bad interlacing Jalaperilo why curse me like that eggs? bye! thenightetc Toys. Me I like how we never did learn what "the treatment" consisted of. thenightetc They're human-sized? eggshellwhitesucks .......Zlatko.... Detroit: Become Human. Starscreamapillar I'd rather not know what the Treatment entailed. eggshellwhitesucks I'd like to see their names on a tombstone. thenightetc "very personal" eeeerrrrrrrr.... eggshellwhitesucks Smiley's okay. He's got a boyfriend back home. thenightetc Please don't be an orgy Did one of the dancers just disappear? Me "It was not strong." thenightetc ..."always stay awake" Starscreamapillar . . . . eggshellwhitesucks I think Soundwave would enjoy this number. Starscreamapillar I am not high enough for this. Me ...I'm sending it to him. CONSORT. Starscreamapillar That is not how to break the kidnapping gently to them. eggshellwhitesucks Tentacolino- Pingo's Song Tentacolino- Pingo's Song - Got to be one of the worst musical numbers within a film I've seen. From the movie 'Tentacolino'. thenightetc Right? "mythical" Hahhahaha Starscreamapillar Don Juan is much too high for this. thenightetc Either they're taking this remarkably well, or they're sucking up so he won't suspect they're going to try to escape eggshellwhitesucks NO SMILEY HAS A BOYFRIEND. Starscreamapillar Not anymore. Me No, no! Remember? He's Smile, their garbage offspring. thenightetc Uh eggshellwhitesucks Oh. I missed that plot aspect. thenightetc Just... what this movie needed Starscreamapillar Sure, trust the rodent with the hook hand and eye patch. thenightetc ...How many rats are down here, anyway? Actually why are there ANY eggshellwhitesucks I also don't trust the extremely feminine dog. thenightetc Is this a honeypot Me If it's not, then what the scrap's going on here? And this is *why* he's their disappointment child. eggshellwhitesucks Oh that's ruff. Starscreamapillar Aren't they dead yet? eggshellwhitesucks Buster wouldn't pull a stunt like this. wait.... there's water underneath the water? Spongebob logic, great. Starscreamapillar They keep Atlantis full of air, for no good reason. thenightetc Maybe they... still have to breathe air some of the time?? Me GAH. thenightetc Uh Is he SHAVED eggshellwhitesucks This is definitely an image that will haunt me.... for the rest of my life. Starscreamapillar How are they prisoners? They left. thenightetc Can't they just swim up ThebesAce you'd think! okay, this rat is talking sense Starscreamapillar He's not wrong... thenightetc A bit, yeah eggshellwhitesucks He can't be any scarier than this movie. or the shaved rat thenightetc Feh, they only "saved" you so they could kidnap you. You don't owe them anything. Wow, mean. Starscreamapillar Why must it grunt while it follows him? thenightetc It wants to remind him it's there. Following him. In case he wants to sit down. eggshellwhitesucks but screwdrivers are useful thenightetc Uh Starscreamapillar . . . . I hate this. All we have to do is win. Yes. It is that easy. thenightetc Wow, I didn't know you could just *opt out* of losing! Starscreamapillar If only us Decepticons had known. thenightetc I bet you feel silly now. Starscreamapillar Immeasurably. eggshellwhitesucks You just needed to steal the elixir of life. thenightetc "Everything?" the dog asks uncomfortably, thinking back to his encounter with his lady friend eggshellwhitesucks Back to his old habits I see oh my god this movie is longer than the first Starscreamapillar The suffering can never end. thenightetc The wink. thenightetc The other rats didn't see him clearly holding a duplicate flask? Starscreamapillar No. Because they are stupid. eggshellwhitesucks They went to the Atlantian school of being good at something. eggshellwhitesucks Be in this movie. That's what you did to deserve this. Me ...Well, then? thenightetc There's no lid on that flask eggshellwhitesucks And then there'll be an excellent third installment in this series Starscreamapillar No. I will fling this planet into the sun before I allow it. eggshellwhitesucks ah yes the alternate universe where rats and sharks rule the universe, sounds ideal ThebesAce well. compared to Pingo eggshellwhitesucks how did they survive.... didn't they almost drown in the last film Starscreamapillar This is a different one eyed man. He has a different name. thenightetc What, really? eggshellwhitesucks I missed so much of this movie's non-existent plot. Starscreamapillar Sadly so. thenightetc That would be "hitting", Smile. eggshellwhitesucks There's still 40 minutes of this movie left. Shorely we can come up with some great puns to pass the time. Starscreamapillar Men in barrels! The most deadly foe. Me This movie deserved to end an hour and five minutes ago. thenightetc I wonder if they feel gill-ty about conspiring to keep all those rats there against their will. eggshellwhitesucks Stop TOYing with my emotions in this way. thenightetc Wow. Did you know... that clothes can be removed...? Starscreamapillar What the frag is this nonsense??? He did it. The curse is broken. Me What a character arc it was. thenightetc He could have taken that wig off at any time. eggshellwhitesucks I think he looked fine before. ThebesAce this is like a rejected pokemon movie or something at this point eggshellwhitesucks I still can't figure out what the yellow thing is. thenightetc That's the laziest fucking wave animation loop eggshellwhitesucks Is he an otter? Starscreamapillar I think a stingray. thenightetc I thought a manta ray? eggshellwhitesucks Oh makes sense. thenightetc With uh arms for some reason eggshellwhitesucks It's the Titanic. Starscreamapillar Convenient amnesia ray. So the kidnapping was very deliberate. eggshellwhitesucks the Titanic 2: electric boogaloo Me Titanic 2: Titanic Junior, Son of Titanic thenightetc I think he already knows how to punch you on the nose. eggshellwhitesucks Poor Representation matters? ThebesAce WELL THAT'S NOT GRAPHIC Starscreamapillar No they won't, they They're rats. thenightetc "haha, oh, the treatment kills you if you go to the surface." eggshellwhitesucks "wear my non-existent faaaaceeee" Me "I'm only 38 years old!" thenightetc hahahaha eggshellwhitesucks like this film? A piece of trash? Me Hah! His laugh makes me feel unclean. And not in a fun way. eggshellwhitesucks ...Huh sounds familiar Starscreamapillar I have seen far too many rat nipples today. thenightetc A couple hundred rats are going to have a hard time doing that even if they ARE immortal. Me One rat nipple is too many. Starscreamapillar Drown that old man. thenightetc Wait. I thought they'd already been dosed with the elixer when they arrived? eggshellwhitesucks the elixir of false information thenightetc It's almost like they know it's fake. Me "Who wants to see an old man die?!" thenightetc Ha! eggshellwhitesucks It's almost like they know they're in a terrible movie. Starscreamapillar Watch him drown. thenightetc But, don't the Atlanteans give all their """"guests"""" the underwater breathing stuff? Starscreamapillar Wasn't he fussing about screwdrivers earlier? ThebesAce yup Me "Or something." Starscreamapillar Those were surface rats he tried to drown. thenightetc Well, that's not sinister eggshellwhitesucks oh my god thenightetc But why would surface rats be down there? eggshellwhitesucks They seriously just did that. Starscreamapillar They escaped. eggshellwhitesucks They're giving them the Titanic. Starscreamapillar Please do not force me to recall more of this nightmare than I have to. eggshellwhitesucks Can't wait for the third installment to come out thenightetc The boat was ripped in half They... fixed that? eggshellwhitesucks Nah. It's just that no one cares about continuity. Me Screwy. Starscreamapillar All fixed. They even got rid of the skeletons in the lower levels. Me Those child skeletons, always cluttering things up. thenightetc What skeletons, there weren't any skeletons! Everyone survived! Starscreamapillar Ah good. Still kidnapped, but now you're alone and kidnapped. Also, did the sailor mouse not marry some girl mouse on the mainland? Me He's got her brother, he'll be fine. eggshellwhitesucks Smile's a disappointment. Me Smile's got his fathers back home, but he was a neglectful son who never called, so no loss. thenightetc So... everyone came with them...? eggshellwhitesucks ...did she just laugh without opening her mouth thenightetc Ah. So they're kidnapped on an island all alone and isolated, but they get Skype, so it's okay Uh Starscreamapillar Oh good. The Treatment makes you insane if you escape. Me Well, that's not horrifying. ThebesAce barking rats, huh thenightetc That's... even creepier than my suggestion eggshellwhitesucks OH GOD Starscreamapillar NO. thenightetc Uh Me UNICRON. eggshellwhitesucks NOT THE HAIRLESS RAT thenightetc NOPE eggshellwhitesucks and this film just turned into a horror film thenightetc Wait, why is he unaffected? Starscreamapillar As it was always meant to be. eggshellwhitesucks oh god he's gonna start singing again Starscreamapillar Our enemies are in an insane prison forever? Celebrate! Me And at last, we're free. eggshellwhitesucks You know there's a reason those actors were never heard from again. This film ruined their careers. Starscreamapillar But are we really? The memories will never fade. thenightetc ...😔 eggshellwhitesucks Anyways, uh, I hope you guys have lovely.... seafaring...dreams.... about sinking ships and mad mice. Me Yes, that. ThebesAce clearly, we had to hear THIS song again Me It was a need. thenightetc Of course. eggshellwhitesucks It's my new ringtone. thenightetc There are ten minutes left?? Oh. Starscreamapillar Well, it has been a nightmare. Thank you for hosting this terrible time. thenightetc Why, though Me Always a pleasure. May the Allspark forgive me. thenightetc There, there. eggshellwhitesucks Have a good evening. Thank you for showing such a wonderful, feel good film. Starscreamapillar Until next time. I will never rest soundly again. Me Good night, everyone! ThebesAce good night, Knockout! thenightetc Good night! And thanks for hosting. 😃 It IS fun, despite the movie itself. Me You're very welcome!

[callonb]

GYBurst of Inspiration/Motivation

Where does inspiration come from? - Snacks I recorded a song with Samuel Hawkins recently and that was the first line of his verse. Lately thats been on my mind more and more. Where does my inspiration come from and why cant I always bask in its motivational energies? Seems that my drive comes and goes with the moon phases or as planets enter and leave our orbit. Could be the skys dictating my moods and movements (which i think it does have an effect) or it could be the mass amount of coffee and tea i drink a day. Definitely important factors but not quite the source. My mom definitely motivates me, she believes in everything Im doing and helps every way that she can. Its not financially but sometimes emotional support is more important. Shouts out to Momma B you the realist. Same for my homies and not homies as in people i force myself to be around, cuz having friends is what you do. Actual family that i grew up with and have developed a relationship with, the GYB family. The ones who sat me down years ago and was like dude...... you need to take this rap shit seriously. The ones who are now getting more and more involved with the movement every day, pushing everything to the side and riding along with my dream and making them their own. Everyday the homies are pushing to help me create this vision for you guys as they've adopted it as their own. Like minds on the prize, Shouts out the Layer homies. That only seems to be half of it tho, and Ive never felt this type of fire burning inside me before so what is it? Magazine drama and BS doesn't motivate me, Music doesn't seem to hit me the same way anymore. I used to listen to music constantly, new rap definitely doesn't do it for me.....makes me feel lower. New tv shows dont do it for me im bored with most of the popular shows out. Same for games or just typical activities that people partake in. Partys, drugs, random hook ups...It all seems so blah to me and im completely uninterested. I learned I have to stop feeding my lower self and focus on my higher self and what that part of my being truly wants and thats to CREATE!!! Whenever im around an environment that drives me to create and push myself i perform better. So i guess i just realized what really inspires me, and thats a creative environment. Who is responsible for this? Well I saw the Rotunda Project last weekend at Maiden Alley, a collaborative piece by Fairseas. The Fairseas are a group of musicians named Jeran Simmons, Bobby Dowell, Codie Franklin and Shanden Simmons. I watched them plant this seed years ago and now its a giant tree that you can sit back and marvel in its greatness. The main theme of the film was collaborating with your community. I cant lie ive had many many thoughts of leaving my community to collaborate elsewhere but ive came to a realization recently that it isnt necessary. To my surprise and probably a lot of people around here, there is a bubbling hip hop scene around here that is about to explode. Ive started to invest my time and efforts into this scene now and received nothing but results. Shanden has been a major influence in my artistry because he is always honest, encouraging and persistent....three very important characteristics to have in a creative environment and on top of that has become one of what i would consider my best friends. I look at him as one of my GYBrothers. On to the hip hop scene around here tho..... mysterious person named "A" aka the Hollow Man and he is one of the most promising producers/writers around. His solo stuff is outstanding and the collaboration effort we are working on "A & B: The Empire" is next level. Its been well over a year in the making and will shock most people when they hear the new styles i bring to the tape compared to my previous work. A always challenges me to be very intelligent when I piece together my verses and I like that. He makes me want to grab a dictionary and start reading so I can match his extensive vocabulary.....and maybe I have done that lol. Im the ONLY artist that the mystery man works with at the moment and that hits me now in a way it never has before. Like why me, do I really have something in my music that would make this beyond talented artist spend his time and efforts to make beats for us to collab on and want to include me in everything he does? His beats are above any producer Ive ever heard even in the big leagues of the rap game its crazy but he will prolly have his own GYBlog entry about him eventually. I have to move on before i make this to long lol. Next is JSkrilla, I have met the Skrilla a few times in passing but i dont think we realized what each other really could offer the other. Until i ran into him at the damn ROTUNDA PROJECT.....back around full circle. After that we decided to get together. We showed each other some of our music. I didnt know he made dope beats as well as spit hot fucking fire but he does. We shared our philosophies for our craft and talked hip hop and all sorts of other randomness. Then we picked a beat and wrote a song on the spot. Bar for bar back and forth. J stressed to me it had been a LONG time since he had been able to just sit down and write with another emcee that wasnt intimidated by his ability to write on the spot, or to match his caliber of wordplay and rhyme schemes. To both mine and his delight I delivered. Skrilla really challenged me tho, most artist get so caught up in the main stream BS or conforming to certain concepts and topics in their verses that it had been a while since I had felt pressure when writing to make sure my bars are up to par. Felt good to feel that energy again i had been missing the want to become better and that leads me to the main cause of my motivation and my improvments or just overall attitude change whatever you want to call it. the TRYBE!!!! Snacks, B. James, and Waun D. are the Cerberus of this rap shit. I have a lot to owe to them. GYB and Trybe share the same values as far as what we hope to contribute to the culture of arts and musics and how we hope to impact the hip hop community as well as the communities we all live in. I have done one show with them and have multiple other ones lined up with them. As a matter a fact i cant see myself doing a show with anyone but them from here on out. Once again them as well as JSkrilla could have their own full length blog entry but i digress for the sake of your attention lol. The Trybe challenges me to be a better emcee by making me freestyle. Which if you have been around me doing music ive never been a good freestyler.....UNTIL NOW!!! They have cracked that shell and brought me out of it. Making me partake in their cyphers everytime we get together. Soon Ill be as smooth off the top as i am with the writtens then its over for everyone! Sharpening my skills is not something that other rappers really push you to do. Rap is very competitive and braggadocios so pushing someone to improve and possible be better than you is unheard of. The Trybe doesnt see it that way though, they want us all to grow together. With a shared love for hip hop and me and Snacks shared love for Anime we can talk for hours and hours before we realize we havent done any music lol. Everytime I hear a new Trybe song i feel my artistry being challenged. The message in their music makes me want to really focus on the concepts i present in my music and start challenging my self to pretty much step my game up. Between Skrilla, "A", and TrYbe, everything new I hear makes me question my latest bars which is exactly what I need. Hip Hop is my life and my love and above any amount of money i can potentially make off this art is the desire to be the best emcee to ever grab a mic and thats the same mindset i had when i originally picked up the pen and decided i would be a rapper. Before i saw 8 mile and realized that being a white rapper wasnt necessarily accepted, before all the laughs, all the hate and just general shade i received for my dreams. Being white in this game is a roadblock but for the first time these guys made me realize that i have overcame that hurdle 100 times over. I had a long talk with the Trybe last night and they gave me a boost of confidence that finally fully ignited that fire i had lit but tried to conceal. Im no longer worried about what is cool or what people want. I just want to create and you will more than likely like it because I do have skills that i myself had been sleeping on. I hear these artist like A, Skrilla, and Trybe and i felt underneath them but now i see my self as an equal. We all have different things we bring to the table that compliment each other and its time to put it all together and make it happen. Plus we all just fucking dope and there is no denying. This is my new goal. No more time wasted on what i "think" is the right move. Im going to follow what i KNOW to be the right path and follow my heart. Thats challenging myself with these artist and like minded individuals to always be better. Also as Snacks has said before "move at LIGHT SPEED" thats just what Ill do with my light brothers here. We like some damn warriors of this rap shit waging war against a evil corrupt entity but thats also for a whole separate entry lol But no war of this caliber is complete without a general so shoutout to SirDuke. Ive also recently became friends with this crazy dude and he has shown me in just the short time ive known him more love and support than some people ive known my whole life. He also inspires me because he has dedicated his life to serve and protect (literally) and most importantly LEAD. He has an army of pretty much every hood and every rapper in each of them just waiting for his call. and he is not leading them astray, Shoutout the Kollektiv. Duke is also a talented singer and emcee. He has a show with me tomorrow at the Hangover in Murray MAKE SURE YOU COME TO THAT AND SEE MY NEW ALBUM CONSCIOUS TRAP PERFORMED LIVE starting at 9pm. but yeah Duke is dope and I can appreciate his leadership skills and what he hopes to accomplish in his community by cleaning it up through music. He is rubbing off on my and motivating me to hold that same position with my Layer army of GYB homies ive assembled. Most of them are clueless about the industry and music so its up to me to guide and lead them so they can be their own selves and make it in this world without the middle man down your neck. Im going to wrap this up because it ended up being way longer than i intended but i wanted to also say to my fellow collaborators and friends above all. Wolf, Golden Wrist Banks, Trevell, Dope, Simple, Benji and Angel Mascato. You guys have MAD SKILLS. You guys inspire me too because I hear something different in your music than i hear from most. I want you all to continue to grow and expand your creativity to new levels. Tell YOUR story. The same story is constantly told but how will you tell YOURS in the true challenge. So i encourage you guys like i have been recently, step outside of the norm and do what you truly feel in your heart that you need to, fuck what everyone else wants from you just create the way you feel appropriate. A lot of you are working with Duke regularly and I think he will tell you the same thing I am now. Even if its certain people in your lives holding you back, they gotta go. Surround yourself with positive people that want to grow with you instead of out grow you and you will see the same results. Probably why you guys were all on my latest album, except Trevell im sorry and you should have been but you know the deal homie its all love. Frank.....dammit man just rap lol but anyways ill end it on this note. Getting in touch with that child like mind state and that pureness of love in my heart again. Losing all my intentions to want to be better and out do someone but rather COLLABORATE with like minds in my community has already in return pushed me forward in a lot of ways. Seems almost as if they had been waiting on me this whole time. Its certain that my actions are now speaking louder than my words and everyone is starting to catch on. including myself finally. If you read this far thank you and I love you. Youre more than likely part of the reason why i typed this or why i even continue to do what i do. I trust you guys just as much as you trust ill deliver. Have a great day, maybe you can draw inspiration from this or some of the same people or things that i do! So put down that magazine full of empty content and read something meaningful that you are interested in, turn off the news and watch some anime, stop playing shooter games and play final fantasy, stop eating out and prepare your own meals, dont listen to music just play instrumentals and freestlye every day or just make your own, quit scrolling on facebook and take a stroll around the block, only spend time with those that help you grow rather than keep you low. So much inspiration out there sometimes we just have to break away from what we are used to in order to pull from the experience. Now im really done. and excuse my poor grammer and probably a shit load of spelling errors. That wont ever change, these blog post are run on sentences of my thoughts that pass through my head every day. Sometimes i just take the time to jot them out as they pass. PEACE LOVE AND GYB!!

[itdisneymatter]

Day 02 - Epcot

TLDR: Epcot. A slightly later start today though a pretty full and non stop day once we began. Spaceship Earth up first, squeezed into the Ellen's Energy Adventure, then Test Track with a touch of competitive spirit. Living with the Land, Circle of Life and then Soarin’ in quick succession. Finished off with the new ride - Frozen Ever After and decided to skip out on World Showcase in favour of heading straight to Miller's Alehouse for my first proper meal of the trip. Walmart, then home, early (earlier).

The future is what you make it!

Sooo Robert had been unimpressed by the shops we had visited to far, mainly because they didn’t stock Pokemon cards. With the thunderstorms last night, we promised we visit Walmart first thing, which we did prior to picking up my Mum & Dad for Epcot. That meant skipping breakfast. Again. Picked up a wee rucksack so we could carry around all our rain jackets and little extras. Robert got his Pokemon cards and Gracie managed to find yet another collectable in the form of Hatchimal miniatures. Patrick and I had been speaking prior to the holiday about another card collection called Magic: The Gathering, but neither me nor him knew much about them. He picked up a starter pack to have a look. As someone who like his RPG and Fantasy things, I was a little intrigued. I dont think it will take Patrick long to become an expert.

Swung back around to pick up my Mum and Dad who were waiting for us at their Hotel with coffee in hand - result! The other party (which I'll cover in just a sec), were heading to Mass first and planned to catch us up at Epcot when they were done. So let me backtrack a little and explain who is actually all here as I havent yet done so and were already two days in - thats just impolite, so sorry.

Fifeteen of us in total. First off we have our wee family of five, Me, Ann, Patrick, Robert & Grace - Ive went on at length about all of us at some point in the past - yeah, you know who we are. Then its my mum and dad, Sadie & Wullie, Orlando veterans and all round great parents. My brother Michael is up next, with Sarah Jane, Corrie, Alessio and their wee baby who recently had her first birthday - Isabella. And finally we have my sister Pauline with Kevin & Emily. Both Emily and Isabella are first timers to Orlando and all things Disney, so makes it an extra special visit. Ourselves and my parents share the first car, My brother, sister and their families share the second. I'll refer to the latter as 'the other party' at times but this is entirely for brevity. Now, back to the story...

We ended up getting to Epcot around 10:30 which was right in time for our first Fast Pass - Spaceship Earth. A big slow moving train through the anals of Civilization, located in the big multi-faceted ball that Epcot is renowned for. Y'know its a fairly simple ride and I've done this it a fair few times now, but this like many others, never ceases to amaze me. If you've ever seen Inside Out, I imagine this whole place to be a core memory and have its own wee island somewhere in the depths of my brain, churning out little orbs of Joy. If you haven't seen Inside Out, then all of what I've just said will sound really really weird, but trust me - go watch it. Good start to the day!

Hey You Guys! 

Next we checked out Test Track but it was down for some unknown reason, so grabbed some coffee and pastries will we waited for the other party (that being, oh wait right we did that already, didn't we?). By the wonders of Whatsapp and Feel at Home from Three (shameless plug), Kev let us know that they'd arrived and we arranged to met them back at the entrance. We'd coordinated our t-shirts today, those being our new Celtic Champions 6-in-a-row tee :) which made it real easy to spot them. On the subject of attire, zipped pockets - how amazing are they? I know I sound like I'm getting old, but they're definitely the way to go if you're on holiday!

Ann really hurt her eye over the course of the morning and it was progressively getting worse as time went on. I suggested that she patch over her eye to give it a rest, however this led me to call her One Eyed Willie, which didnt go down to well, so stopped in fear of my life (or having to walk the plank - right, sorry Ann, that was the last one, promise ;) x )

Next we headed to Ellen's Energy Adventure, a big moving cinema all about th wonders of energy hosted by the hilarious Ellen DeGeneres & Bill Nye, the science guy. Funny as well as factual too, couldnt go wrong.

Now came Test track, a ride where family loyalty went out the window as we went head to head to design the most efficient car. Super fast, fun ride and good to see the competitive spirit from everyone - even Gracie was doing a little trash talking (well she was in my team, otherwise I wouldn't have encouraged it ; ). In the end, we failed to hit top spot, but our car was easily the best looking one out the lot (all designed by my lovely co-pilot Gracie).

Scores on the doors were as follows:

Ann, Kevin & Pauline - 208 Michael, SJ & Emily- 205 Me, Dad & Grace - 204 Patrick, Robert & Corrie - 156 (who intially claimed 226 - what a bunch 'a chancers!)

All  in all great fun and everyone loved it (especially Gracie who wanted go back on it straight away).

Living With The Land Fast Pass (on the other side of the park) up next, which we made it with 5 minutes to spare. Nice boat ride about farming and such (seriously) with Patrick even enquiring about the Behind The Scenes tour (or Behind The Seeds as they called it) - he just loves learning new things! He also managed to spot 2 hidden Mickeys on the ride (thats disguised Mickey symbols all over the Disney parks) -  so well done PG!

Quick stop at The Circle Of life, a wee environmental film featuring The Lion King's Simba, Timon & Pumba, which began with the song of the same name. That song gives me goosebumps every single time! *shudder*

After that was Soarin', which we had passes for, but everyone wanted to ride so meant we had to split up into two groups, one to watch Isabella while the other went on the ride. While we were waiting to ride (with views of an cool looking India Jones-esque style journey being mapped out on the screen before us), Robert asked the attendant out of the blue if we could get in the first row - good ole Ro! :)

This ride was Epic - its the only word to describe it. Flying through the air, over different landmarks of the world aking in hugs vistas, they even had different smells. Everyone loved it and even my Dad rearked it was the best ride yet as we walked off the ride.

Do you wanna build a snowman?

During the wait and switch-over of groups we came to the decision that the five of us and my mum and dad would head home after the last ride and try getting a proper bite to eat when it was a little quieter, whilst, Pauline, Michael & Co would remain in the park and finish off the remaining rides.

So onward it was to Frozen Ever After, Epcot's newest ride based on the extremely popular Disney movie and set in Norway (well Epcot's mini representation of Norway on their World Showcase). On our way, we bumped into Pluto (the dog, not the planet-oid-y thing), so used the opportunity to grab our first character autograph! Kids were really excited! There was a Disney Photo-pass photographer there too so managed to get some nice groups shots (except for ours, so had to use one of my own photos here as a backup).

The ride was a great little boat trip through the Kingdom of Arendelle with Anna and Elsa (who is my favourite princess without red hair, ok ok, she isnt really a princess, yeah I know, but still). Even the Snow-gies made an appearance! And with the ride came another ride photo from the Memory Maker - excellent! :D The kids loved it and Emily was skipping out of the ride singing Let It Go at the top of her voice! :)

So we said our goodbyes and left the other party then, who planned to continue their travels around the World Showcase and possibly grab Spaceship Earth, which they missed, on the way out. The World Showcase is an awesome thing, but I think the allure of a hearty meal after a long day was far too tempting for us.

We headed straight to Miller's Alehouse from the park in an attempt to avoid the queues and wait times... which we did! However once we were seated and after a quick scan of the menu - the Snow Crab that Gracie had set her heart on to share with me was no longer on the menu - she was more gutted than me! :( In its place I opted for a nice wee Flat Iron Steak & Coconut Shrimp combo, which was awesome. Grace and Ann chose to share the 35 Shrimp menu item (which was 35 shrimps funnily enough) and Grace inhaled about 18 of them. Man, that girl loves her seafood! The Nacho starter that Ann thought she might need however was an absolute mountain and in the end, defeated all of us (its really big enough for two peeps to share as a main meal if Im being honest). The food and menu options in the place are second to none so were definitely planning a return visit in the next few days with our entire group!

A second trip to Walmart rounded off the day in order that we could take a slightly more relaxed look at what they had to offer. The last time I was here I picked up some amazing Cinnamon Pecan coffee, but alas they appeared to no longer stock it or any equivalent. The boys picked up more trading cards, Grace picked up more Hatchimals and we got a variety of non-essential items including a Star Wars decal for the car, a Pecan pie (obviously I have a thing for Pecans) and some Harley Quinn Comics (and I have a thing for her too ; ). Had a look at the laptops too, which were ridiculously cheap, so toying with the idea of picking one up, but Ill need to do some in-depth investigations first.

Rest day on the cards for tomorrow with shopping planned in the am, so should a relatively quiet one. I'm kinda looking forward to it in all honesty, following the two successful but extremely packed days we've all had.

[conorpmaynard]

She’s Using You // Jack Maynard

Word Count- 1161

Summary- anna doesn’t like you

A/N- here’s a lil jack imagine for you all. i havent gotten to part 10 for aswas so im posting this, hope you guys like it!!

~~

You had been dating Jack for 5 months now. He decide that it was now time to meet his parents. You were nervous to say that least. They knew you from Jacks videos, but you knew nothing but their names.

But you weren’t too worried about his parents. There was a different family member you were afraid to meet. Anna, his younger sister. At first, you were excited to meet her. But then you overheard the conversation they had last night.

~~

“Anna,” Jack stopped, you assumed she cut him off. “Anna.” He said again, getting annoyed.

After a few seconds he said, “Can I speak? Or are you going to interrupt me again?” he asked.

You couldn’t hear what she was saying, but you could put two and two together.

“No she’s not.” He sighed, walking around his room, “It’s not like that… She’s not like that.”

You were devastated, you were so excited to meet her. She seemed so sweet in his videos. You thought you two would get on well.

Guess not.

“Anna, please. Stop saying that.” You heard the balcony open, “She’s not like, she isn’t using me for…” his voiced faded.

~~

“They’ll love you!” he encouraged from his spot on the couch.

“Fine…” you mumbled, not wanting to say any more on the topic.

“Why are you so worried,” he stood up and walked behind you, snaking his arms around your stomach. “You weren’t nervous to meet Conor.”

“I …” you turned around, getting out of his grasp. “I heard you talking to Anna last night.” You sighed. “I just don’t understand. I haven’t even met her… and she already hates me.”

“Babe,” he sat next to you, “she’s just worried.”

“Conor wasn’t!” you exclaimed, dumbfounded as to why the teenager didn’t like you.

“She thinks,” he hesitated, contemplating if telling you was a good idea, “She saw the video you did with Joe.”

“Are you serious? She’s basing her view of me off a video?” this made you frustrated.

A few weeks ago you and Joe filmed a collab. You two did The YouTuber Confessional. In the video, Joe asked you, “Are you dating Jack because he has more subscribers?”

You laughed, “Yes.” You gave the camera a fake serious look. “I’m in it for the fame and the fame only.”

“She’s a gold digger!” he screamed.

Though this looks bad, Joe posted the bloopers. And it them, you here this:

“Are you dating Jack because he has more subscribers?”

“What? No! Of course not.”

“I dare you to say yes. 100% seriously.”

You laughed, “Ok. Just cut all of this out. Ready? Ask me again.”

So you knew you were joking. Jack knew you were joking. But for some reason, Anna took this to heart.

Nonetheless, you found yourself on the train to Brighton. You looked out the window, watching the scenery pass in the blink of an eye. Jack squeezed you hand when he noticed you biting your fingernails, it had always been a bad habit of yours.

“I love you.” He smiled.

“I love you too.” You smiled, kissing his cheek.

Before you knew it, Jack was knocking on his parent’s door.

“Jack!” his mom smiled. “So lovely to see you again dear.”

“And you must be the lovely Y/n.” she engulfed you in a hug.

“It’s so nice to meet you.” You hugged back.

“Dad.” Jack shook his head, acknowledging the presence of his father.

“Son.” He nodded back, turning towards you. “So you’re Ashley right? Oh wait. That’s the other girlfriend. You’re Y/n.” he laughed, hugging you.

“Something you need to tell me Jack?” you played along.

“She’s not as pretty.” He had a smirk on his face. You slapped his arm.

You four slowly migrate towards the main room.

“Anna! Come down. Jack’s here.” Helen called upstairs. A few seconds later, the teenager rounded the corner.

“Jack!” she squealed, running up to him.

“Hey sis.” He sighed. “I missed you.” He let go, and that’s when her smile faded.

“You actually brought her?” she fake whispered. You lowered your head.

“Anna. That is not how we treat guests.” Gary said.

The tension in the room was obvious. You felt awkward. You wanted to leave.

“Where’s the bathroom?” you asked, not looking at Anna.

“Down the hall, first door on your right.” Helen smiled, trying to lighten the mood. When you walked past the siblings you hear Anna say something along the lines of ‘don’t steal anything’.

And that’s when you broke down. Tears flowed from your eyes, you didn’t care that everyone could hear you. You just didn’t understand.

“ANNA!” you heard Jack yell. “I get you may not like her. But she is my girlfriend. And I love her. And she will be around for a long time. She isn’t using me. You’re wrong. Just stop being so rude. You know I love you, but sometimes you can be a real bitch! Just go up to your room, I don’t want to see you right now.”

You felt awful. Jack never, and you mean never yelled at Anna. Maybe she was being rude, but he was a little harsh. This made you feel ever worse.

You heard a knock on the door, “Love? Can I come in?”

“Yeah…”

Jack walked in, sitting next to you against the tub.

“She didn’t deserve that.” You said after a few moments.

“Neither did you.”

“I know, but she’s your sister.”

He sighed, “I know I know. I’ll apologize. I just… I don’t understand why she won’t just let me be happy.”

“You would do the same if she had a boyfriend.”

“Why are you defending her?” he turned to look at you.

“Because, she’s a teenager. She gets too much shit thrown at her already. She doesn’t deserve hate form everyone in her life. Even if it’s me.”

“God…”

“What?”

“You’re bloody perfect.”

You laughed, “Stop.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, now go apologize.”

You and Jack stood up, but when you opened the door you were both surprised.

Anna stood at the entrance with red cheeks a puffy eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” She said, you assumed she was talking to Jack. But then she hugged you.  You were surprised at first, but hugged her back.

“I didn’t realize. I’m sorry. I’m so stupid. You’re not using him. I was just jealous. I’m so so so so sorry.” She sobbed.

“It’s okay.” Was all you could say. After she let go of you, she hugged Jack.

“Please forgive me.” She whimpered.

“Of course. I’m so sorry. I love you so much, Anna. Never forget that.”

Since then, you and Anna never fought, never even had a disagreement. You soon became besties; her trusting you with her darkest secrets and you giving her tips on how to survive her teenage years.

Jack never understood how the two most important girls in his life were perfect. He truly was blessed.

[pauldeckerus]

What I Avoid in My Street Photography and How

Photographs are as much about what is not included as the subjects in the frame. Being aware of the things I avoid is as helpful to me as the things I gravitate towards when it comes to composing an image.

Adding or removing elements through composition is one of the most significant parts of adding/removing/changing the context of an image. Including or choosing not to include certain things can alter a story in very serious ways, so it is always important to have ownership over those choices.

All images will crop reality down to a single frame, so being very specific about what is cropped will make all the difference to an image I like, and will keep, and one which will never see the light of day.

Writing. I will try to avoid writing of any kind in my photographs. I find that as soon as words are present in the frame they will take your attention away from the rest of the image in order to read what’s written. I also think that things like certain typefaces and styles can “date” an image, and restrict the extent I’m able to make something look timeless.

Logos & Advertisements. I will do my absolute best to avoid any form of branding in my image, including on peoples clothing. This is because I don’t want my photographs to be a vehicle for other peoples messages unless that’s what I’m being paid to shoot. Similarly, I don’t actually wear any clothing with noticeable branding and conceal the branding on my cameras and other gadgets with black tape.

Baseball Caps. This one is definitely personal preference but I really dislike the way that baseball caps look. Unless I were shooting in New York I would avoid a subject wearing a baseball cap whenever possible. Especially in silhouettes it just distorts the shape of the face, and I’ve never been pleased with images featuring them.

Cars. Again, I’m not the biggest petrolhead, and the “aesthetic” of cars, even classic cars, is lost on me. I don’t like the way they render in the background of a street scene, they often feature odd curves and shapes which are difficult to use in a composition. Even when they’re very out of focus they bother me. Unless I’m specifically composing around a window or a door of a car with a subject sub-framed through that shape I’ll try and avoid cars in my compositions.

Street Performers and Other ‘Deliberate Characters.’ I’m making an effort to document very specific types of scene, and part of that means avoiding people who are going out to make a statement or deliberately be noticed. Street performers are a potentially easy hit for beginner street photographers looking for a bit of energy and action, but there’s no skill involved – it’s being put on specifically so people take notice and take photographs. It is better to avoid these scenes and to train your eye to action and energy that is not being specifically put on for an audience. That way you are capturing a more accurate and unique view on the street.

Cutting Off Limbs. Something I try really hard to do is to have good definition of my subjects by keeping my lens dead straight against any potential lines or elements that could interfere with my figure to ground. The most important thing to me is to not have any elements clashing from the background against the subject and to avoid any lines or shapes dividing up the subject – such as cutting off the top of a head or going through the ankles.

This will often happen if I am not at a low enough angle to the floor to make the line where any ground meets a wall as far toward the feet as possible.

Depth of Field. I usually shoot with my lenses wide open, with my slowest lens being a 21mm f/2.8. This means that there is a natural depth of field in the majority of my images, but I don’t necessarily keep my lenses wide open specifically for this effect. I would usually rather have the fastest shutter speed available to me and this means allowing as much light in through the aperture as possible. My use of a large aperture is usually only really noticeable in my portrait or close-up work, as in the rest of my scenes where I usually maintain a bit of distance between myself and my subjects the depth of field is not really as noticeable.

More Sky Than Ground. When it comes to composing an image featuring negative space I will usually tilt my camera up so that the upper half of the frame features more sky than the lower half ground. This does depend on the context and I have taken images I like which have more negative space on the lower half of the frame, but in general, I find I prefer images where negative space lies above my subject. I find it gives my images a sense of gravity, with elements sinking down through the frame rather than “floating.”

Diegetic Light. Diegetic is a term usually relating to the source of a sound in video/film – for example in a movie if the source of a song is apparent to come from a radio a character is listening to then that would be described as diegetic. In visual terms, if I include the source of a specific light then that would be diegetic light. I really enjoy incorporating this in my images, as I think it offers a sense of space and scale within the frame. However it is only really possible when the scenery allows it, and it isn’t something I’ll go out of my way to achieve if I think other factors are more important at the time.

Digital Manipulation, Composites, and Double Exposures. This is more of a general rule I apply to my work but I like my photography to be broadly representational of what was in front of my lens, meaning I don’t add or remove elements in post-production. Double exposures are a little different as that’s achievable in camera, but I haven’t had a lot of experience with them. I think I will be trying some techniques with my portrait work, but I don’t think it’s an aesthetic I would apply to street photography.

Clutter. This one is very subjective, but I like my images to have as little clutter as possible. My preferred lens for street photography is a 90mm, which usually means a very tight crop of the scene. This allows me to keep things that may be on the floor, or around the area out of my composition without needing to photoshop them out.

I am always reviewing my work and trying to notice things I am gravitating towards, or actively avoiding, so that I can have a better understanding not only of my photography but the way I see the world. It means being aware of what I am looking for when out and about and helping that sight to become habitual. I am sure that this list may change over time, and I am even thinking of using this list to specifically shoot only these things that I normally avoid, to see what effect that may have on my work, or change my opinions to towards why I dislike them. I encourage you to think just as much about your own work, as you may discover things about yourself and your work which could focus your approach to shooting images with greater care and consideration.

If you’d like to get a better sense of the way I compose using elements of a scene you can watch this short video of BTS clips from shooting street in 2018.

About the author: Simon King is a London based photographer and photojournalist, currently working on a number of long-term documentary and street photography projects. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. You can follow his work on Instagram and you can read more of his thoughts on photography day-to-day over on his personal blog. Simon also teaches a short course in Street Photography at UAL, which can be read about here.

from Photography News https://petapixel.com/2019/01/28/what-i-avoid-in-my-street-photography-and-how/

[isaacathom]

why the fuck all these sorcerers old maes of rothbarts, huh. and whythe fuck do they always turn her into a swan. like, ok, clavius or w/e the fuck from the second movie gets a pass because it was odettes idea (and, again, i love odette, so im all for it. and it was a good plan). zelda has no excuse. did she not know about this. why would you turn her into a BIRD. WHO CAN /FLY/. why not like... a fucking turtle or smth. slow as fuck. stck in a cave in a mountain. she cant do shit. or is it that odettes just got that swan magic shit stuck on her from rothbart so its just swans all the way down. since i GUESS zelda and clavius are both weaker than rothbart, which makes them weird villains actually. like why would i give a shit about rothbarts apprentice if the one time derek met rothbart he killed him after like, idk, a 5 minute fight? yea derek nearly died but thats an average sunday for him. thats how it is. shot him once he died. this isnt complex.

also on the revive thing. that was why i didnt like the third movie. if we say the first one is ‘good’ (certainly not a bad childrens film, obvs). the second movie does enough new that its not just a retread. odette turning into a swan by her own choice, despite the risks, and her saving derek, and her not dying (tho jean bob did, which i did not remember happening, but ok). and it showed a development in the relationship. and encouraged ol dere-boy to appreciate his wife and mother sometimes. thats good. happy for the guy.

then you cut to movie three and dereks just lying to his wife despite the fact she has VERY REASONABLE objections to keeping dark magic shit lying around, given that she straight up died because of it once. she’s in the right here. derek is noble, perhaps, but an absolute idiot. then odette gets captured again, fuck me, then she gets rescued, again, and then instantly gets fucking killed by a fireball. well i mean fuck i guess. then she comes back even though she defintiely straight up died. in movie 1 you can wiggle the timing of it, held her last breath outta the power of love or whatever, but swan!odette got struck by a fireball and woulda crashed into the ground below, fucking her Right up. she straight up dead. so what the fuck gives. how the fuck is she back? which bitch is magic here. did derek fucking call upon dark magic to revive his wife? i have questions. also its just boring.

ok whats movie 4. christmas? THEIR FIRST CHRISTMAS???? youre telling me that the first three movies take place over the span of less than a year??? and season wise, probably like.. 6 months, tops? what the fuck? jesus. that paints derek in a bad fucking light, i tell ya. fucks him right up. god dammit derek. ‘chest with an r on it’ where did it come from? who put it there? ubertas castle isnt the same castle as the one derek has, since derek’s used to be rothbarts. that was a plot point. if i was gonna find some soul box of rothbarts, itd be in rothbarts old castle. so... why is it in ubertas? is my question? ok.

rothbart did you learn NOTHING from the first movie. stop turning her into a fucking swan. you fucking idiot what the fuck. god dammit. oh, so finally derek dies? took em 4 movies and 20 years. there we go. and is revived by the sprit of chr- oh my god. ok lets not worry about the christmas movie. whats the next one.

ok so i guess the reason she keeps going swan is because shes the Swan Princess. as like, an entity. she didnt become it because of rothbart, she was always it, like, spiritually? prophetically? ok. fine. shouldnt a stopped rothbart clipping her wings or whatever. and she is straight up magic? alright. fair. i buy that. it explains a lot. and the dark arts just straight up try to set her on fire? hardcore. but then you kill some random peasants instead. thats awkward.

ok honestly i think i just flat out dont understand what the 5th movie is about beyond like, prophecies, scullions (the fuck is a scullion? squirrels? ok. also the surname of an australian senator, how bout that) and like.... some shit. dunno what the fucks up with that but ok. we’ll just uh. leave that one. at least i didnt have to imagine odette and derek fucking because given how old i was when i watched the first movie im not sure i ever want to think about that (naturally now i have to. oh boy)

‘scully in ghost form’ ok we’ve gone off the rails here, i think. more fucking ghosts. but like, ghost animals. one who everyone can see? which sort of renders his death in the last film a bit moot, if he sticks around anyway. at least in the original three, people got REVIVED by like, Love or something. poor scully doesnt even get that. just has to be a ghost instead. far out.

oh piss off lads theyre like 12. no romance for the 12 year olds please.

‘uberta, still in love’ didnt uberta and rodgers confess in movie 4 or something. or did we all just sort of not deal with that. its not like they died or anything to wipe their memories. so why wouldnt they still be in love, is what im saying. im confused by this statement. oh my bad i skimmed, she fell in love with some other idiot. alright uberta. go for it i Guess. he’s probably some dark mage but alright dont worry about it.

‘count antonios submarine’ his what? his What? no straight up, his what? they have SUBMARINES????? but??? what?????? ? someone more up to date on swan princess lore, how does he have a submarine????? the tech level has been like, solid pre-victorian before this, right. like medieval english shit. where the fuck did he get a SUBMARINE. A SUBMARINE. what the fuck. ? like i know that the ‘reboot’ or 3d movies are kinda weird for the canon just in general but ? a submarine??? lads.

‘now called prince lucas’ it has not been adequately explained to me why this is. are these wikipedia pages written by children? im very confused. why would he be a prince. alise i get, she was adopted, but lucas still has parents. yea he was given up for adoption at some point, but he’s fine now. so. yknow. ? pardon. wouldnt just giving him a title like Lord or smth make more sense, narratively. like the whole thing earlier was that he felt about his status difference with alise (despite alise being an ex-peasant too? but thats fair) so wouldnt like, giving him a lord title or smth fit that without making No fucking sense. is there some other kingdom now? that he a prince of? wikipedia i need answers.

ok i saw the cover for the 8th movie and what the Fuck did they do to derek. no. my man. what the fuck.

something about that face is viscerally distressing to me. they havent put him on a over since movie 5, probably matching his uh. completely fucking irrelevance. but Oof. keep him off the cover, maybe. what the fuck. im wounded. also the fact yuri lowenthal voices reboot derek still fucks me up even though i have never heard him in the role. as you can tell. by me reading the wikipedia descriptions of all movies post original trilogy. oof.

so, Z’s huh. is that right. Z’s. ok so, first, Zorro. second, there is literally a character whose name starts with Z already part of the canon, that being Zelda from the third movie. she’s dead as fuck, but the track record here prevents nothing.

‘ghost rope’ mhm. ‘glass is the only thing that can hold a ghost’ i cant tell if this contradicts the ghost box from movie 4 or not but i feel like it does. i feel like everything i was just told about ghost mechanics contradicts the 4th movie in some way. then again the fucking rothbart box is just a ??? where did that come from. who put that there. did the fucking forbidden arts manifest it. lads? the box confuses me, still, and its been like 15 minutes since i read that page anyway, at LEAST.

so, ghost rope. and the Z’s are N’s. oh ok. cool.

ok again, the submarine. why is there a submarine. i cant handle that.

ok so what ive learnt is that the first two movies are probably the most cohesive, and at the stretch the first four are probably a decent set. basically, the first movie is fine, and you can watch any up until 4 with it still basically making sense (bar the FUcking Ghost Box???? what the fuck). decently cohesive on plot alone. the 3d jump for movie 4 is good reason to cut it out, but if you dont give a shit then thats fine, right.

everything after 4 is just a ??? ok.

a fucking submarine, REALLY

[viralhottopics]

‘Feud’ star Jackie Hoffman on being a character actor: ‘Aging isnt as frightening for us as it is for the pretty people’

Jackie Hoffman steals the show as Mamacita.

Image: Kurt Iswarienko/FX.

Youd have to possess a pretty colorful character, not to mention some serious acting chops, to steal scenes away from Jessica Lange while she’s channeling screen diva Joan Crawford. Fortunately, Jackie Hoffman has both.

From the moment she makes her first appearance in Feud: Bette and Joan, you cant take your eyes off Hoffmans tightly-wound but infinitely patient Mamacita Crawfords sternly Teutonic live-in housekeeper, valet, mother confessor and all around Gal Friday, who is never far from the movie stars side and always faithfully and fiercely on her side, even when Crawford believes no one else is.

Mamacita is, delightfully, a true-life construct: Anna Marie Brinke was Crawfords German-born maid/personal assistant, hired shortly before the actress began mounting her planned comeback in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? Brinke came recommended by her own daughter, one of her nine children and a maid to a Westhampton neighbor of Crawfords: she impressed the star with her preference for scrubbing floors on her hands and knees over using a mop.

SEE ALSO: ‘Feud: Bette and Joan’ is about so much more than Hollywood’s most infamous catfight

According to Crawford, the Latin-flavored nom de guerre was bestowed upon Brinke because the actress had just returned from a Brazilian vacation in Rio de Janeiro and obsessively added a -cita suffix to everything upon her return. Mamacita would remain in Crawfords service, often contentiously, until a fateful moment in 1974 when she decided to return to her native Germany because she was, as her grandson later related it, tired of having things thrown at her.

Hoffman has a work ethic to rival the real Mamacitas. A veteran of Chicagos fabled Second City comedy troupe who headlined many solo shows, she went on to become an award-winning force off and on Broadway, with star turns in productions including The Sisters Rosensweig, Hairspray, Xanadu and The Addams Family, with occasional forays to Hollywood for film and TV appearances in the likes of Kissing Jessica Stein, Garden State, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and 30 Rock.

And, as Mashable learned during our freewheeling conversation with the actress, in sharp contrast to Mamacitas minimalist approach to communication, shes a conversational tour de force as well.

You had us at hello with Mamacita.

Does Mamacita ever say hello? I dont think hello is a word that comes out of her mouth.

What got you excited about her when the role came your way?

Oh my lord have mercy! First of all, the audition material was so secret that all the names were changed, so they didnt use the name Crawford, they didnt use the name Mamacita. Then I found out later what it was and I had bought, in my 20s, a copy of Joan Crawfords [1971 advice book] My Way of Life, and the gay man inside me, pardon the expression, knew exactly what it was and fell in love with it.

I remember her talking about Mamacita, and then when I heard the characters name is Mamacita, at first I was a little freaked out, because I said, Oh my God, Im playing a Hispanic woman! And then I remembered I was, like, Holy crap Mamacita! Oh my God! There are no adjectives to describe how I felt at that point, just with the whole thing. I still cant get over it.

I was looking up some information on her, and Mamacitas German maiden name was in fact, Hoffman.

Yes, it was, spelled the Jewish way with two Fs and one N. Which is comforting, because I like to think she was Jewish because if not, judging from her age, she was a Nazi.

Did you go on treasure hunt looking for more bits and pieces of information about her once the job was yours?

Im not that dedicated an artist. My treasure hunt consisted of hitting a key on Google and looking at My Way of Life and just making it up on my own.

When you thought about who she was and how you wanted to play her, what was the key into her? When did that big lightbulb go off over your head?

I dont know the lightbulb may still have not gone off. I took German, clean, and putting up with Joan Crawford, and that was all I needed to know.

Youd read Crawfords book had you been a little bit of a student of her at any point?

Im more of a slob, but I remembered things like packing with tissue paper in the sleeves, and if I ever made a dinner with like fish and cauliflower, I always remember, [imitates Crawfords voice] Dont put two white foods on the same plate. Then, whenever I take a picture, I remember from reading this in her book: Always look up and to the right. So I am a student of Joans.

Mamacita is not wholly a broad comic caricature, but theres something inherently funny when we meet her, just in juxtaposition to Joan Crawford.

Right. I think she provides a relief from the intensity of those two dames.

It must have been fun to figure out the rapport with Jessica Lange, and get how they were going to coexist and be codependent together.

Yes, as Jessica got more comfortable, she got more abusive, unfortunately! So youll see that as we unfold. Like, Oh, this is an actress I can fuck with.

Did you give it back?

I set a boundary.

We do learn that theres more depth to Mamacita than we might have guessed early on. How quickly did you know that about her and were able to prepare for?

I knew going in that she was a human being and she had to be fully rounded. Im cheap whore of an actor: Im barely in this episode. What the fuck? But yeah, theres such great writing on the show, and the wardrobe is genius, the wig was genius, the writings great, and that all helped a lot.

What do you think her function in the story of Feud is, ultimately?

She kind of plays a husband/friend/sounding board for Joan. Shes probably the only person that Joan really is herself with, and really tells the truth to. So we learn a lot about who Joan really is through Mamacita, I think. Theres a couple of episodes where shes wasted and says that Im the mother she never had, and youre the only friend Ive had. It gets really, really touching near the end. Like the last scene we shot together, it was just beautiful. So I think Joan shows her a side that she doesnt show anybody else. So it helps to tell the whole story.

It comes through that Mamacita really cares for her, and wants to protect her.

Yes, she does. I would think I would have some love for her, to put up with all of the shit that I put up with.

Throughout your career, have you seen Hollywood or celebrity-type figures with this kind of person at their side? Has that been a reality that youve noticed?

Oh wow, what a question! I know Ive seen people with posses and entourages. I just remember, one of my first movie events was the film I did in, like, 2000, Kissing Jessica Stein, and I remember this woman walking around there was an actor, a very talented actor named Scott Cohen in that movie, and he had this woman going, Hi, Im Scotts publicist

Oh my God, really? People had people around them. The very first pilot I did, like in the mid-’90s, people said My assistant. Im like, Really? Really? You have a personal assistant? So its just a phenomenon that I still cant get over.

SEE ALSO: ‘Feud’ star Jessica Lange on the ways Hollywood is still failing women

Youve had a tremendously prolific career, but I imagine you havent had to deal with the genuine burdens of fame, a lot of the BS that people have to deal with because of a super high profile.

Yeah, thats kind of you: nobody knows who the fuck I am enough to make my life trouble.

Is that the best way to do it?

Its mixed. I did this film I got replaced on with Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher, and I saw the press literally chase them like Dodi Fayed and Princess Di though the tunnel, like, on foot. Im like, Holy crap! The shit they have to deal with. So I would imagine its kind of a mixed blessing. I get letters from 13-year-olds wanting a Playbill signed by people more famous than me.

You have some substantial stuff in Feud. Tell me what that was like to be able to dive deep. She doesnt disappear often. Shes always kind of right there.

God bless Ryan [Murphy] and Tim Minear and Gina [Welch] and those writer/producers, man. God bless them! Because … as there were plenty of days where Im opening doors and handing people beverages, and I was like, Fuck this! Then Im the maid! It could have been like that.

But theyre so smart, and they so want to get their message across, and I was honored, especially like, I think this interview coincides with episode 4, which is where Im encouraging the lovely Alison Wright, about her script, and telling her about the future, about women in cinema, and women in media. Im so honored that I got to tell that message, that I so badly, of course, want to tell. Its an important thing that has to be told.

Look what happened: its turning around a little, but here we are 50 years later, and still no one gives a fuck. Its still such a male world. To be part of Team Ryan Murphy, whos doing everything they can to fight that, is just such a great thing.

It really is shocking how much this fifty-year-old story is resonating, especially here in L.A., where people are watching the show and seeing women literally facing some of the same problems as they were in 1962 Hollywood.

Right. Thats how it was so kismet, because Jessica and I, we both wanted to tell that story. And Jessica and Susan, like, they have careers like Crawford and Davis, where they were like, Fuck you, and they kept working. But both Jessica and Susan were like incredibly, breathtakingly beautiful. For beautiful women, usually youre just, like, fucked. Its over. But they got past it. They went beyond it and they conquered.

When youre in the ugly, unfuckable category like I am, well, We didnt want to fuck her when she was younger, so we might as well hire her when shes older. I think character women at least have that, not that there are many roles. Aging isnt as frightening for us as it is for the pretty people.

Have people in the industry been that crass to you in those terms, in the way that, say, a Jack Warner expresses himself about how he feels about Crawford and Davis?

No, nobody says the word unfuckable, but we know thats what its all about. I put things in the crudest terms. Im the Jack Warner, really.

Have you noticed how popular Mamacita has become? Shes all over the Internet.

No, I have no idea. Im not all over the Internet. I look at my three Twitter followers, and a couple of 15-year-olds are like, Go, Mamacita! I have no idea.

I think the phrase that they would use is breakout character.

Thats excellent. Yes, on Twitter, I call her MamaTweeta.

You got to step back into mid-century Hollywood for a bit what was the best part of that experience?

The whole thing was like a five-month gay mans orgasm. I kept emailing my friends like, Im not allowed to show you anything, but trust me… We werent allowed to take pictures, but even like a jar that they put cotton balls in every object, it was just a breathtaking world. Every costume, the attention paid to every detail, and the beauty. It was ridiculous.

My filthy fingerprints are on every object and every item of clothes because I kept touching everything. Look at this! Look! And, when this was done, I was like two years old. So it would rush like, Oh my God, my mother had something just like this and I remember this when I was a little girl So it had that also.

Everybody in Hollywood is lining up hoping to work with Ryan Murphy right now. He and his team are championing these stories about women that other people seemingly arent telling. Were there any other interesting discoveries about joining Ryans troupe?

Wow that may be too intelligent a question for me! It was a great lesson. Im always huge [in my performance]. Im really theater folk, and Ive done film and television work, but its always like, Bring it down, bring it down, bring it down. And Ryan, from day one, hes like, No, dont make it that cartoony. Shes German, she has purpose and this is just from handing a Pepsi bottle to Jessica for four hours.

He really was reining it in, and you saw that, even larger-than-life characters like Crawford and Davis, theyre people, and he wants everybody to be really real, and I think thats one reason why the things he does are so effective. He really comes from a place of truth. He really made me a better actor for it.

Feud: Bette and Joan airs Sundays at 10 p.m. on FX.

WATCH: What film stars really think about Hollywood’s diversity issue

Read more: http://ift.tt/2okFieK

from ‘Feud’ star Jackie Hoffman on being a character actor: ‘Aging isnt as frightening for us as it is for the pretty people’