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thr0wnawayy · 3 months ago

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Rei-Demption: A problem and my solution (ft. Rei's trauma and Hori's bullshit)

Might as well give my shot at it.

My take on Rei's personality has always been based in suppression.

Rei's whole life has been a balancing act of doing enough to protect her family, while still staying within the lines to not get disposed of.

She's everything Enji isn't. An iron will, a golden heart and a strong sense of empathy.

So with that in mind, hopefully it she'd light on it thought process with this post

A theory I have is that Rei was aware of the hospital's corruption

These panels always felt off too me, it always made me wonder: "does she know?"

The wording is very specific.

"I told him I liked it, around the first time we met. But only once"

It always struck me as odd, We're talking about the man who looked at his eldest death and kept going, man who destroyed multiple lives for a redundant pipedream.

It's not even why would he remember such a small detail, but rather how?

Unless... the doctors are feeding him information.

Think about it, who pays for all this. Surely it's not Fuyumi, on account of this being a massive money sink.

You really expect her to pay for all that on a teachers salary?

It can't be Natsuo because Enji has likely cut him off from everything to his name.

And that's assuming Enji even bothered to save up a college fund for any of them. Plus Natsuo is a full time student of medicine.

If the doctors are watching her every move, looking for any sign of deviation from the narrative then it makes sense for her to disguise her words.

Of course there's still more

Having PTSD isn't something you can keep someone institutionalized for. Especially when Rei's is very proportionate, given what she's gone through. (No, Japan's stigma of mental health wouldn't justify this)

I mean what are Rei's triggers?: Enji and that's about it.

"But we still... haven't met face to face, I'm still too afraid"

That's a standard reaction to have to your abuser (especially when he raped you multiple times)

('Just stop' gets a whole lot darker when you consider it's context)

Not to mention she's no longer fearful of anything resembling Enji, just Enji himself. So there is no real reason to keep her there unless they are afraid she might speak out.

This whole thing makes me think she's trying to tell Natsuo and Fuyumi what's really going on, in a way.

Subtly and under the calm, complacent mask she's expected to wear, in case anyone else is listening. Anyone who could report back to him.

It might also be she doesn't trust them. Fuyumi or Natsuo could blab or say something within earshot that could set Rei back months.

And she can't have that, not with how close she is to finally breaking free. She loves her children, all of them but the trust just isn't there, how can it be when when they don't have all the pieces.

So here's my theory: The hospital staff are in Enji's pockets. Either taking bribes (as recent as Dabi's Dance) or they were given a large sum of hush money when Rei was first hospitalized, with the goal of keeping her there as long as possible and possibly molding her to either keep her mouth shut or (sickeningly) gaslight her into returning to Enji.

(Note how she was only released when they could no longer keep a lid on things, the moment Dabi frops the bomb. She's out, no struggle)

This paints a picture of grotesque corruption, sloth and apathy (the very same cocktail that created Shigaraki) even by Hori's narrative standards. Shedding light on just how deep MHA's despotic nature goes.

The anime makes this even more apparent. Rei's fake smiles make the whole thing that much more viable. She seems so dead, it's like she smothered her soul or something.

I've seen both the sub and dub of this scene. The sub is the correct translation, the same as the Manga panel above.

The Dub however, while severly off mark, adds it's own flavour of dread. Rei sound so hollow, it was jarring the first time I heard it.

It sounded like she was reading a script (in-universe). Like she'd rehearsed this in her mind a million times, staring at the same 3 white walls + the window and waiting for an opening to finally speak.

That was supposed to be Shoto, until the dorms ruined that. Suddenly Rei's lifeline is gone, reduced to letters that don't even tell half the story.

10 years, 10 fucking years reduced to lines on a page.

Can you imagine the despair, dear reader?

The frustration. The sheer vitriol coursing thorough her veins, far hotter than Touya could ever manage.

Having to do the same thing she's been doing even before she was locked away. As the the skeleton in the closet of a criminal with a license.

Wearing masks for so long you can hardly breath and in the brief moments you can take them off. You can hardly recognize yourself, how you once were.

It must be the truest form of hell.

The Rei-demption Arc

Rei's redemption arc takes the attention of our theoretical arc without overtaking it.

The arc would mostly focus on the more domestic aspects of our trio being: Midoriya, Shoto and Uraraka.

A few minor changes would occur. The dorms never happen, allowing the characters to exist outside of UA.

There is solid confirmation that Fujiya is corrupt and is keeping Rei institutionalized on illegal grounds (ie: not meeting the criteria set up to ensure her silence)

The dinner scene would still happen only it would bd framed for what it really was. A pathetic attempt at creating a moment that never existed.

There's no family with Enji.

Just a family held hostage and a tyrant. I have my own grievances with Fuyumi, but I'll leave that for the future.

The only difference besides Natsuo being properly portrayed as a victim acting well within his right, the reasons for our trio going would be for Shoto's emotional wellbeing, because he asked them to.

Uraraka could have a moment where she realizes that money is as much as good as it is bad. An actually decent shift into her change of goals.

Here Enji motivates her to "watch the watchmen". Her need for money is still a crucial part of her reasons for becoming a hero, but she also has a more front and center goal.

I'd imagine she has a moment parallel to Midoriya's during the Sports Festival.

Where (alone in front of the Dojo after the failed dinner) she rightfully calls out Enji for being a self pitying piece of shit and that "sorry" doesn't cut it.

"You've hurt them in ways you can't imagine." Would probably be the last thing she says before walking away.

She may not know the whole story but she knows it hurt them and that's enough.

Rei's ascent

Rei's biggest hurdle is accepting that she was also an abuse victim. She's furious but she's only furious on her children's behalf and what they lost.

Her unintentionally harmful actions weigh on her, be it her neglect or the night she scalded Shoto, these events have impacted her deeply.

She learns to reconcile with her past, improve her relationship with Shoto and even meets Shoto's friends at one point.

Eventually she finds closure but that's later on.

She also acts as an advisor at times, having given Shoto the idea of using Ice projectiles (as seen in the Licensing Exam)

The second half comes from the Hospitals corruption, as Rei learns that she is long overdue for release (by about 8 years) among other horrific practices. This would play out as the arc's B plot, building up to what I call "The Summit"

The Summit

Eventually Rei fights Hood.

After gathering the evidence, she escapes the hospital. Planning to go to Natsuo for protection. As she's walking across a crosswalk however, she hears what sounds like an explosion.

Eventually she hears screaming and is forced to use her quirk as a bus is suddenly sent hurdling in her general direction.

As of her body moved on its own, she envelops it in her ice. Stopping the bus and saving those behind her in the process.

Only to see Hood land on top. They lock eyes and Rei can't help but see Touya in Hoods ambition.

In response to Rei holding her ground, Hood dashes. Rei counters this by manipulating her ice to send him crashing into an empty building, impaling him on the glaciers end.

Hood is impressed by Rei's proficiency and chooses to fight her.

Rei having no experience, fights for her life. Where as Rei avoids Civilians, Hood has no care for them which forces Rei to play the role of hero.

Rei uses every weapon in her arsenal in order to stave off Hood, who only gets more relentless as the battle stretches on. The upside is Hood's regeneration struggles in the cold, which Rei is constantly producing.

Each side gets blows in, with Rei taking them surprisingly well but still being worse for wear. Hood notes this saying "as if y-you've done t-t-this before" (close, Hood very close)

Eventually Hood gets the upper hand, towering over Rei in a manner that triggers her PTSD and leaves her stunned.

One of the civilians (Horoshi Tameda) emboldened by Rei's efforts, picks up a loose chunk of pavement and chucks it at Hood's back. It hits, causing Hood to look back.

Civilians begin making loud noise, others begin picking up anything they can find and throw it at Hood. Further catching him off guard long enough for Rei to snap out of her episode and strike back.

From here the fight kicks into high gear, with Rescue heroes & paramedics arriving on the scene and a camera crew recording the fight from above. Overall I imagine the scene to be very uplifting, with the Orchestra swelling as Rei prepares a final attack.

The move rivals that of Shoto's, arguably even surpassing it. Hoof is incased in a prison of Ice, covering an entire city block worth of destroyed buildings. And the fight finishes with Rei collapsing to her knees.

From here on out things change. Rei's newfound fame leads to the hospital being forced to do their job. Because of this Rei gets out early (around the time the Internship arc would started had I not scrapped it)

As for what this could lead to I'll let you decide. I'd love to read some suggestions.

Bonuses:

Theories:

The reason they kicked Fuyumi from her job is because she covered an abuser's ass for years. While Fuyumi is a victim, it doesn't excuse her complacency in regards to Enji's treatment of Shoto before and after his "self pity" arc.

Natsuo didnt go to someone because he wouldn't likely be believed, being seen as bitter and untrustworthy (his time away from home wouldn't help with pinning evidence).

Extra:

Hood survived the fight, Rei opted to capture him as opposed to kill him. That doesn't mean he didn't get frost bite. Police found out it is very difficult to question a Nomu.

Out of all her trauma. Rei accepting she was never given a choice will be the hardest to accept.

Rei's family is not inbred, rather her parents ran away so her father wouldn't be forced into a marriage with his cousin. Only to ironically do the very same to their daughter.

Hiroshi still becomes a meme, his 'Can't you see speech' leads to him becoming a motivational speaker.

The reason Hood appeared is because Dabi lost track of him. He nearly had a heart attack when he discovered his mom was holding the Nomu off.

#bnha critical #mha ewe #mha rewrite #anti enji todoroki #anti endeavor #anti bakugo katsuki #anti kohei horikoshi #bnha rewrite #mha critical #justice for rei himura #the nomu deserved better #destro didn't kill himself

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quinngefail · 3 months ago

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So apparently at 19 Lawrence got institutionalized for 6 months from a psychotic breakdown. I’m pretty sure it’s mentioned in one of the video games. Do you think he’d tell Adam about it? How you you think adam would react? (Also why do you think he even had a breakdown?) love you!!! 🩷

Omfg okay okay I haven't played either of the games yet but I intend to. I did not know about that little bit of lore, though..... But tbh it slides in so perfectly with what I've been formulating for backstory headcanons,

I haven't actually written any of this out in my Google doc yet but. I feel like rambling and just laying out the relevant parts of what I've been brainstorming for him-

Putting a cut because this got longer than I thought it would. Also- tw for talks of emotional abuse, alcoholism, and a brief sui mention- nothing super detailed, though.

So uh. I've been imagining him growing up in this wealthy, very controlling, catholic household. And even from a young age it was extremely rare for his parents to even glance at any of his problems.., One part because they were absolutely the types to guilt him with the whole "THERE ARE CHILDREN IN AFRICA STARVING AND YOU'RE SITTING HERE CRYING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT IS SO TRIVIAL" and another part because I imagine his mother was diagnosed with cancer when Lawrence was just a kid. Which was hard on everyone, of course, but this also meant less attention being put on him and his problems (ft. more guilting because you should be grateful that all you have is a scraped knee, stop crying). Basically the response to any of his struggles would very often be Stop Moping and/or Go Pray About It y’know-

Sooo even at a young age, he quickly developed this mindset that none of his problems were actually 'real', because he had it drilled into his head again and again that he was in a far more fortunate + blessed position than others. Which yeah obviously he had a great deal of privilege on his side from the get-go, but he's still allowed to express hurt and his need for love and care, y’know,

So he just starts repressing everything, holding it all inside. Internally minimizing and invalidating just about anything that made him upset. He does this for years, and years. And by the time that first year of college rolls around, he now has the most independence in his life that he's ever had, finally away from that very, very controlling household... And I very much imagine him as the type to just go off the rails almost immediately, especially in the drinking department. His grades rapidly slip, and he knows there will be hell to pay when his parents inevitably find out about all of this- but it's easier to just sit back and drink, and let his cares about everything slip away.

And of course, his parents do indeed find out. And there is indeed hell to pay. More so from his father, though, as his mother's condition has been rapidly deteriorating, which was certainly just one of the many motivators for Lawrence's drinking. And it's not long before she does pass away, which I think was a final straw of sorts for his mental health.

Between the bottles and bottles of repression he's been holding in for years, the drinking, the fact that he's fucked up so badly with college + absolutely fuckin wasted an amount of time and money, the sheer outrage and disappointment from his parents, his mother's death, and the shattering of his already shaky faith (because evidently, praying for his mother's health didn't do a goddamn thing)... It's a wonder he didn't break sooner,

So then this is where him being institutionalized just SLIDES IN SO EASILY... And I do think right before this happened, he had attempted to take his own life, unable to deal with it all. The treatment helps him back onto a straight path. And maybe he'd already been interested in the medical field, but the loss of his mother was sort of the final push towards wanting to pursue oncology specifically. So after being released, it's college take two: and it goes far better than the last time.

However, he develops this fear of losing control again. He finds comfort and necessity in order. He almost needs it to feel okay. He still has a hard time voicing and downplaying his problems, though, still feeling like they're not 'real'... This being a particular souvenir from growing up that he just can't seem to overcome.

He's also not at all surprised to get a call (in either his late 20s or early 30s) that his father had drank himself to death. Just seemed inevitable.

Then, to cut to the Becoming Closer With Adam Era, I don't imagine he has a hard time explaining that both of his parents have passed away, and why. But he has a very hard time disclosing everything else that happened. Because his problems aren't 'real', of course, and it's just an extremely touchy subject for him in general. Been imagining for a while now that he has this whole Thing where he's far more focused on helping Adam with his own problems- and y’know, part of that is just the fact that when they finally reunite in my AU, Adam is obviously deeply in need of help, because things have gotten bad for him in the months following the bathroom trap. But another part is just Lawrence still having troubles with expressing his own struggles; whether they be traumatic incidents of the past, or the more current Jigsaw related traumas.

Adam eventually catches onto this, especially as his problems become less urgent. And while he's not necessarily going to interrogate Lawrence over anything, he does begin to more frequently urge him to talk about things when he's obviously upset. Lawrence still isn't as good at masking as he thinks he is, much to his dismay. Something specific that I imagine Adam reminding him, with a earnest voice of kindness and patience, is that "this isn't just about you helping me, it's about me helping you, too."

Lawrence does eventually start to open up more about his more current struggles, but it takes a good, long while before he begins scratching the surface of that period of his life. They would be upsetting conversations for the both of them, of course, but the fact that they happen at all are just testaments to the trust they've built together. They feel safer and safer being vulnerable with one another, and it brings them closer together.

And maybe, it brings them closer and closer to things finally just feeling okay.

...WOOH If you are here, thank you for reading- didn't think I was going to ramble this much, but EVIDENTLY I HAVE MORE THOUGHTS ON THIS THAN I REALIZED LMAO..... WHEN I SAY I HAVE A SMALL NOVEL WORTH OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THESE TWO I'M NOT LYING HRKSKGK

A lot of this is also still in the brainstorming stage at this point, so things may be subject to change :] WE SHALL SEE...

And thank you for the ask, and the kind words!!! I hope you enjoy my brainrot HSKGK

#replies #saw thoughts #saw #sawposting #saw franchise #saw 2004 #me thoughts #chainshipping #lawrence gordon #adam stanheight #adam faulkner stanheight

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aria-greenhoodie · 24 days ago

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I'd love if you could elaborate on

child of the stars

momento mori

magic

Touch tone telephone

from the start

Dr sunshine is dead

crazy = genius

are you satisfied?

turn the lights off

Dr gaster

digital silence

YES!!!! I LOVE BEING ENABLED!!!!

For those seeing this post who haven't seen the original playlist, here's the post where I link it!

NOW LET'S PLAY: WHY DID ARIA PUT THOSE SONGS IN THEIR ABIGALE BLACKWING PLAYLIST?

(Putting it all under the cut because it's. REALLY LONG.) ↓

Rule #9 - Child of the Stars by Fish in a Birdcage - This song is THE perfect song to explain the dynamic my version of Abbey had with her father (Atticus Blackwing). Abigale's dad was always super supportive of her, bending over backwards to make her life the best that he could make it, and saw so much of both himself and his late wife (Chastity Blackwing) in her. I hear the song almost like Atticus is singing this to Abbey somehow... a couple lyrics that really stood out to me: "You were a wanderer / Back when you were young"

Abbey was always a curious child, constantly wanting to explore and learn about the world around her.

"I could only lead you so far / I believe in who you are / Take the world by storm"

Atticus died of an illness he had been battling for quite some time right as Abigale graduated engineering school. He did everything in his power to set her up for success, to follow her dream as an inventor and tinkerer before his passing, and always encouraged Abbey to be independent. He passed believing whole-heartedly that his beloved daughter would, in fact, "take the world by storm."

Rule #21 - Momento Mori by Fish in a Birdcage - This song can work for the time before Abigale found Thurburt's ad, but after Bill contacted her, but it fits even better for after the events of the conference. I have this idea that Bill couldn't help but rub salt in the wounds of the Anti-Cipherites, and particularly targeted Abigale, who had panicked and gone into hiding directly after the conference fiasco, fearing being institutionalized like Thurburt (the way asylums and medical institutions in general treated female patients was historically far crueler and more brutal than male patients in that time period, don't even get me fucking started on the "Rest Cure" that shits insane) And so was far more fearful and vulnerable than the some of the other members. In my version of Abigale's story, Bill torments her all throughout her exile, leading to Abigale forgoing sleep, eating less and less, and overall just worsening her mental state even further. This ALSO goes fantastically with Abigale's mental breakdown near the later half of her life far after her Northwest husband suddenly and mysteriously passed away (read: was murdered) and her son came of age, but I haven't written about that part of her life just yet so I'll hush up for now... but know that the dots do connect!! Some lyrics:

"I never wanted to sleep"

Self-explanatory: Abigale isn't sleeping in order to try and keep Bill out of her dreams, she tries to justify this by saying to herself that she never wanted to sleep anyway.

"Oh I won't forget / Momento Mori, leaves a debt"

Abigale's time as apart of the Anti-Cipher Society was honestly amazing for her. She felt at home among the Anti-Cipherites, finally finding people who weren't too off-put by her eccentric and sometimes abrasive personality, falling in love with Jessamine, spending day in and day out working on fantastic inventions just like she had always wanted... if it weren't for the triangle tormenting her this would have been the best time of her life. And Bill knows that, and uses it against her now that it's all fallen apart. "I'm the one who brought you bozos together, I'm the reason you had such a great time, and I'm the ONLY way you're ever gonna get a bit of that high back! If anything, you OWE ME this!" ...Abigale almost succumbs to the offer of a deal at this time, but ultimately refuses.

"Like a muzzled hound / I'm tied and bound / A wild beast crying for release"

Abigale feels completely trapped after the Anti-Cipher Society's collapse. She can't go back home, since she saw the asylum workers at her doorstep the one time she dared to try, she can't stay in the Anti-Cipher Bunker for long, since its only a matter of time until its found, she can't really skip town because a woman traveling on her own could raise suspicion, and she can't even cross-dress and skip because all of her "boys clothes" from her crossdressing days are tucked away in her house, which is, again, crawling with asylum workers. She's condemned to this horrible state of limbo, "tied and bound" to the dangerous place she found herself in, with no clear way out.

Rule #1 - Magic by Fish in a Birdcage - I'll be so fucking honest this one is mostly here because of vibes BUT also a lot of the lyrics also fit nicely as Abigale trying to rally up the Anti-Cipherites during times of doubt. I sorta hc Abbey as being the glue that holds the society together, her enthusiasm and sheer zeal for what their doing at the society is infectious! Thurburt may be the leader, but Abbey is the motivator. No I totally don't pick favorites ah ha ha what do you mean??? <- (lie) Anyway some lyrics to use as an example of this:

"There is magic in this room"

"I believe in myself / I believe that we can make it / I believe in all of you/ I believe that we can make this"

Both sets of lyrics could be Abigale encouraging the other Anti-Cipherites

"For starters, this is larger than both of us"

Abigale has always wanted to make something that could change the world, and saving the world from Bill definitely could have been that thing. Stopping weirdmaggedon from happening is certainly bigger than just 5 weirdos in a bunker. (Honestly Abbey is lowkey the Anti-Ford. She is just as desperate for recognition and fame but for completely different reasons and opposing bill rather than being fooled by him... but thats a whole other post in itself I could make)

"You can't kill an idea"

This one's stupid but that's literally a Bill Cipher quote. Bill fucking says that in canon. I'm not joking.

Touch Tone Telephone by Lemon Demon - The whole song is about a crazy conspiracist making his case to someone on the phone trying to prove his theories correct. The Anti-Cipher Society's whole thing was trying to fight against Bill while also trying to convince other people that he's even real. They went to a whole ass inventor's conference trying to convince the crowd that a triangular demon was trying to posses minds and that giving the Society money would make their "Anti-Cipher" technology possible. This song isn't just an Abigale song, it's for the whole damn society! Although, I will say that the cheerful and somewhat unhinged way the singer sings the song is very much Abbeycore. SOME LYRICS:

"I've been working on a unified theory / If I make it through tonight, everybody's gonna hear me out"

Working on Anti-Cipher tech, hoping that everyone will hear the Society out at the conference. "Make it through tonight" could also be read as the society trying to dodge sleep in order to keep Bill away from their dreams.

"'Cause you're the only person in the world who'd understand / 'Cause you're the only person in the world who'd understand the meaning of this / Oh my god / I try, and I try, and I try to make you listen to me"

They really want this conference to go well, chat.

"Don't hang up yet, I'm not done / I'm an expert, I'm the one / The one who was right all along / Better to be laughed at than wrong / I'm an expert in my field / UFOlogy, yes, it's all real / Ancient aliens, it's all true / I'm an expert just like you / And like you, I'm a genius before my time / Disbelieving, that's the real crime / Pretty soon, they'll discover me / In the Super-Sargasso Sea"

Real thing Abigale would have said at the conference if she was put in charge of the sales pitch instead of Thurburt, actually, trust.

From the Start by Good Kid - So this is a cover, the original could work too but I chose this cover specifically because the electric guitar and way the singer sings honestly is so much more Abigale-core then the original's softer, more acoustic tone. Yes I know there weren't electric guitars in 1901 I don't CARE Abigale is ELECTRIC GUITAR-CODED!!! <- (I sound fucking insane.) Anyway, this song is there fore Jessamine x Abigale purposes. I think Abbey fell for Jessa HARD, but automatically assumed she wouldn't be interested, so this song is sorta how she felt being around Jessamine, having this huge crush on her but feeling that she'd never reciprocate... Obviously Jessamine DOES reciprocate in my version of the story but for that brief period of agonizing pining this song is perfect for Abigale and Jessamine in my mind. Not gonna put lyrics here just cause I think they're pretty self-explanatory lmao.

Dr. Sunshine is Dead by Will Wood and the Tapeworms - Ok so this goes back to what I mentioned in the Memento Mori song, this ones here because of Abigale's eventual mental breakdown towards the end of her life. I haven't written out exactly what happens yet, and I kinda wanna keep things vague till I do so there's some mystery left when I finally DO write it down, so I'm just gonna plop some specific lyrics that have to do with that part of Abigale's life and better go in depth once I post the story hehe (Sorry for being vague I just really wanna save my analysis for when that part of the story is up!)

"The room I'm in is still the same, the shadows have not rearranged it / No, the only thing that's changed is how I see at night"

"When did I become afraid of the dark? / Was it when I left the cave and swore I'd never go back?"

"Damn my eyes for seeing what's not there"

"All that I ask is, keep those empty frames / If nobody's in them, then no one is to blame / For your self-portraits, sign another name / Well, who should I be then, if I'll never be the same?"

"And if dreams can come true, what does that say about nightmares? / I'll stay awake tonight"

Make of those what you will, all will be revealed... later!!!!

Crazy = Genius by Panic! at the Disco - Im sorry for putting a Panic! at the Disco song in there it will probably happen again. Anyway this is here mostly for the chorus, and not for very deep reasons either. Abbey's always been eccentric and "crazy" in most people's eyes, and considering her technological prowess she's obviously pretty damn smart, a "genius" even. Also not for nothing but Abigale has absolutely set herself on fire for the sake of testing one of her inventions, on purpose. I know this because I actually was there and saw it happen trust me guys. Lyrics:

"You can set yourself on fire"

See above comment.

"If crazy equals genius / Then I'm a fucking arsonist (hey) / I'm a rocket scientist (hey hey)"

She's a crazy genius guys wow! Such a deep analysis from Aria tonight, huh?

Are You Satisfied? by MARINA - So, Abigale married a Northwest, and my version of her married him after he offered a deal to keep her safe from the asylum workers sniffing her out in exchange for her hand. Abigale never wanted to marry, she was always far too interested in her work (and also women. Cough cough...) Not to mention Mr. Northwest was a sleaze-ball bitch, but she felt she had no choice. This deal (and it was a deal more than a true marriage) was all she had left to protect herself. Then, after her husband's death, Abigale sorta... changed. A LOT. Before this, as unhappy as she was with her husband, she was nothing but protective and kind to her son, and would do anything and everything for him, especially because his father was a piece of shit towards him so Abbey had to really pick up the slack in the parenting department. After his dad was buried, though, Abbey became... A lot more distant, more paranoid. She also became almost OBSESSED with the idea of her son reaching lofty goals that were never enforced so vehemently by Abigale before. Abbey sorta wanted to make sure her son reached the world-changing, lofty goals she was never allowed to, the goals that were ripped away from her. On top of that, she became obsessed with keeping up appearances to neighbors, pretending to be as normal and prestigious as what was "expected of a Northwest." This was a desperate cry for help since her whole life was uprooted and taken from her, plus now she has to make sure no one in town suspects her of killing her husband. She was never cruel to her son because of this, but the relationship fundamentally changed, and later, strained beyond the breaking point. I feel like this song is a really great way to exemplify that part of her life, and both her and her son's feelings towards each other and life in general. Some lyrics that stood out:

"I was pulling out my hair / The day I got the deal, chemically calm / Was I meant to feel happy / That my life was just about to change?"

This is very much how I imagine Abigale to feel on the day of her wedding day. "The day I cut the deal" especially jumps out to me, since thats what that marriage was: a deal. It was a means to an end, an agreement with no love attached.

"High achiever, don't you see? / Baby, nothing comes for free / They say I'm a control freak / Driven by a greed to succeed"

After her husband's death, Abbey becomes obsessed with her son's success, and he starts to believe that success means everything.

"'Cause it's my problem if I wanna pack up and run away It's my business if I feel the need to smoke and drink and sway"

Abigale is still trapped in her new life, even with her husband out of the way. She's trying her best, but all she wants to do is disappear. The only reason she doesn't run into the woods to never return is because her son still needs her. Also, I do believe Abigale would take up smoking to cope at this point (Not drinking, though, for reasons I'll prolly explain in some other post).

Turn the Lights Off by Tally Hall - Living as a member of the Anti-Cipher society was a surprisingly positive experience for Abigale, but it was also one hall of a whirlwind. Fighting a demon that lives in your dreams while also falling in love with another woman while also rushing to build tons of anti-cipher tech while ALSO dealing with nightly visits from that bastard triangle is a lot to handle. Turn the Lights Off as a song is also very similar to this experience: generally upbeat and fun tempo and melody paired with lyrics about monsters and evil, juxtaposed by other lyrics about lovers and taking back control of your life. Some lyrics that I think work well with this idea:

"Eyes of yellow"

Hello obvious and extremely easy to make Bill Cipher reference!

"Bend the nightmare / You control it / Artful dodger / Easy does it"

Abbey had to take some serious control of her mind the few times she does sleep in order to prevent herself from going completely insane due to Bill's nightly torments, at least until she starts developing better technology to prevent Bill's visits

"Don't remember (day's gone) / What we look like (night's on) / Younger holding (day's gone) / One another (light's passed)"

Jessamine and Abigale gay moment ... Specifically that sort of in-the-moment passion-driven kind of love between them where, if only for a moment, they forget themselves and their situation and throw themselves at each other, desperate for the other's touch.

"Can't they take it / Should be stronger / Books abandoned"

Could be about the no doubt near-infinite failed attempts at creating anti-cipher technology that actually works before settling on a final product, natural growing pains of a new developing technology... or could also refer to the conference that made everything fall apart.

Dr. Gaster by Shadrow - Another one heavily based on general vibes but I ALSO think this would be a really fun song for post-1901-timestuck AU Pacifica (like in this post)trying to hunt down any and all information about her ancestor and mentor Abigale Blackwing through years of buried and hidden family records, trying to piece together her life so she can understand what happened to her. Lyrics:

"Dr. Gaster / I won't let you down / Dr. Gaster / Left in the background / Dr. Gaster / I'll try not to frown / Dr. Gaster / I must flag you down"

Pacifica trying to "flag down" the pieces of Abbey's history, feeling she can't "let down" her mentor and wanting to give her life the spotlight she feels it deserved, to unerase an erased history, one that had been "left in the background."

"There was only one of you / Until you split the world in two"

Here, this line isn't as literal as the original song is. The first "you," as well as "the world," being Abigale herself, who is "split in two" as in her history is scattered and hidden, only the most basic knowledge of her existence being in family records while the bulk of her real life and personality. The second "you" can be seen as either Bill ruining Abigale's life, or as her descendants erasing her history for the sake of appearances.

"Dr. Gaster / Through oceans of time / Dr. Gaster / Please know we're both fine"

"Through oceans of time" as a Timestuck reference, since Pacifica meeting Abigale in 1901 and then returning back to 201X is trying to reach her mentor once more through her history and scattered documents. "Please know we're both fine" could also be Pacifica hoping Abbey knows she's back in the future safe and sound and doing the work to get Abigale's life the respect she wants her to have. (Disregard the fact that Pacifica is only one person and the song says this about two people I do what I damn well please)

Digital Silence by Peter McPoland - Another heavy vibes-based one, and also one related to Abigale's breakdown later in life! Also could work for how she was feeling right before and after Mr. Northwest's mysterious death (read: murder). Lyrics:

"This is the way that it is / This is the way that it always will be / Something you love turns to something you miss"

Feeling like she's trapped in her marriage, which she is. Missing her friends, her freedom and independence, her LIFE before Mr. Northwest came to sweep her away, before the conference happened, before everything went wrong.

"This is the way and it makes me sick / I feel it inside me like a pulse / It's starting to slow and the meter dips, oh"

Can represent the growing rage and hatred inside Abbey towards her shitty husband, feeling that hatred "like a pulse" from inside her body.

"Why don't you get it? Can't you get it? Understand / They're gonna execute the mother to elevate the man"

Execution is not literal here. Read it more as sidelining, ignoring, erasing the mother (Abigale) to elevate the man (Mr. Northwest). Abigale is constantly pushed aside in her marriage, treated like a prop and a toy, scolded for having any personality or interests, her very essence being erased (or at least, trying to be erased) by her husband.

"They're gonna propagate the killer, eliminate the youth"

Another non-literal line, here the "killer" is not literally a person who kills people, but instead someone who's generally violent and unpleasant, specifically Mr. Northwest. "Eliminate" here could just mean hurt or harm, and "the youth" is Mr. Northwest and Abigale's son, but I actually like interpreting "eliminate" as literal and "the youth" as the personality and ambitions of both Abigale and her son. Mr. Northwest is trying to "eliminate" his wife and son's personalities or "youth" in order to mold them into the perfect wife and perfect heir respectively, often resorting to nastiness and straight-up violence to do so.

"They're gonna blind date everyone until you love them too"

Yes another non-literal line listen I'm EXTRAPOLATING over here! Anyway this here I imagine as being a line about Abbey's attitude towards her son post-husband-death. As stated before, she wants him to be successful, and to keep up a good appearance/reputation for the family (both to ease suspicion off of their family for having a hand in Mr. Northwest's death, but also because Abbey wants to give her son the chance to actually reach his goals, plus living vicariously through him while he does so) and so "blind date" probably just means doing whatever upstanding boys his (Abigale's son) age should be doing, until "you," that being everyone around the family, "love" him too.

"This is the answer to the question / This is the sound of the truth / This is the answer to the question / There is nothing you can do"

Abigale convinced her actions serve as the only way for her and her son to survive, both before and after Mr. Northwest's death. This is the truth, in her eyes. There is nothing else she could have done.

WOO BOY THAT WAS A LOT! Thanks for reading y'all, and feel free to ask for more explanations about other songs in the playlist... or just enable my Abigale Craze in some other way I dunno I just love this woman sm

@chaseerr0rcode @localcanadiancreature62 ummm.... hey guys...... wanna read this giant wall of text.....?

#aria ramblings #aria asks #abigale blackwing #anti cipher society #anti-cipher society #gf #gravity falls #song analysis #tbob #the book of bill #playlist #spotify playlist #Chat im like soooo normal

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myfandomrealitea · 6 months ago

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I just saw that reblog from through-thick-and-quinn and I have to wonder, gee, if it's that bad to wake up every day stressed to the pits, wouldn't they NOT want people everywhere else to feel like that? Awareness =/= getting treated like you can't escape stressful things, which to understate, is technically the same unfortunate situation some groups are in right now. No, nowhere near the same magnitude, only the former really involves the chance of imminent death and such, but still stressful. Sentence still applies.

Honestly you could scroll through any of the reblogs and replies and tags on that post and wonder how the fuck some of those people haven't dropped dead from stress and fear yet.

Frankly if I forced myself to live the way some of those people are, I'd have been institutionalized a long time ago. And that's not a commented intended disrespectfully at anyone's genuine attempts to be a good person or make a change; its an honest to god observation.

I cannot imagine a life where I wake up every single day and force myself to spend almost every waking moment entrenched in war and dead bodies and human trafficking and starving animals and pollution and every other world and social issue that is festering at any given moment.

I really, really can't.

#myfandomrealitea #sephiroth speaks #fandom #proship #reality #proshipping #that one safe space post #world issues #social issues #social justice

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cattewife · 2 months ago

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worldbuilding notes for my extensive t/gcf snzfic modern au

which i will not exploring in the least in-text because i haven't the energy for the parts that aren't getting me off lol

i was gonna save these until after part 5 but then i was talking abt it with @bestwhumpist and got excited so here they are (directly copied from my notes so it's a mess!) it's mostly broad strokes of character backstory (very broad) + some random thoughts and notes that snuck in to the document which i have left in!

not sure if this needs it but just in case as always, pls no reblogging to non snz/kink blogs, ty!

• hc is a famous multimedia artist who went viral after he made a series that exposed and ruined 33 influential figures that were involved in the takedown of the xie family fortune and/or xl's disenfranchisement directly

he used a huge chunk of the money from that series selling (basically bankrupting himself for like 5 years) to buy and renovate a hotel/casino (paradise manor/gambler's den) AS an art project which then turned out to be more lucrative than anyone could have expected (there is talk of expansion but right now he's still living very well but not actually ghost-king-billionaire yet lmao) (like i'm picturing a 2-3 bed apt in city center -> 5-8k a month rent(?) kinda place except he probably owns it )

• hc is 28, xl is 35

• they have been dating for?? several months at the start of the series. yes they are u-haul lesbian moving in together, it's hualian

• xl was various states of homeless/destitute from ages ~26 to ~34

‣ some kind of popular figure before that-- (idol?? governing body?) someone hc could keep track of from ages 17 when they met to 25 when the Ruination events hit.

• hc IS fairly not-well mentally lmao (neither of them are) (not addressing this in this fic) but hc was institutionalized briefly (tong'lu hospital??) after xl disappeared and he tried to rip out his eye ;) or lost it in a fight? HMMM. (hc ~19yo). anyway he changed his name after this.

• (ruoye is actually named that (re: the double meaning in the characters in his name) bc xie lian found him as a kitten sleeping on him for warmth right after his unsuccessful suicide attempt. but also he is just one of those cats that everyone is fucking allergic to so xl gets a free excuse for morbid cat names) (yes xl did keep ruoye thru his time on the streets. yes he is a clingy shoulder cat that's how that actually worked out x,D) (ruoye is 10, e'ming is ... probably 2-4)

• yes this IS a high drama "how to make modern au mirror canon" instead of "what if things were different bc modern au" setting. for my incredibly self-indulgent fetish material. why? ??? (*crickets*)

speaking of which.

‣ xl before the snz revelation WAS mostly chaste despite modern au no-cultivation partially bc he was raised that way/then too traumatized and insecure, and partially because it all made no damn sense to him ‣ used to try to masturbate and often just got nowhere with it only discovered True Horny once he got with hc but even then sometimes would just have trouble coming ‣ (these are all things that somehow became! part of the past! after the snz reveal x3c )

‣ (!!! xl worrying that it's bad/rude of him for their sex life and specifically his interest in it to have gone up so much because of this but at this point it is hua cheng's turn to pull "isn't it like we're fated to be tho?" this works very effectively bc xl is So Demi that actually yeah pretty much only /hc sneezing/ works for him )

if you have read all this thank you for coming to my ted talk about the fetish fanfic i am overly invested in (^・ω・^ )

#catte snz fic #not exactly snz #t/gcf #does it seem not overly extensive to y'all with only three parts published.#oh boy if only you could see my files list of the extras...#why is there so much of it. why is every scenario h/ua c/heng in my mind. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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insanescriptist · 1 month ago

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Soooo, how religious is Umei in general? Because I can't decide if some of her writing is purposeful Christian Propaganda or just happens to rub me that way

It's not purposeful Christian Propaganda; that's a whole lot more blatant. At least what I've seen about it. And annoying, obviously. Some movies so so bad because of it. (Izzy's mom has the habit of technically watching whatever movie YT tosses up and some have been choices, to say the least. There have been so many Hallmarks I've listened to while she's visiting.)

It's probably rubbing you that way because of previous exposure to such; likely a negative experience if you're also American because boy, some American Christians (denomination unspecified) are obnoxious and a hateful lot. Which is very much more evidence that the very vocal American Christians lost the plot ages ago. Which is true if you care to trace back the various faith movements in the protestant church and how that's effected politics and business over time.

Umei's British and the British Protestant Church cleaves a lot closer to Catholicism than American protestant churches. At least from what I know historically about them; I haven't really researched modern British Protestant church movements. And even what I know of the American stuff is still rather surface level.

Still you also gotta remember, what Umei's writing fictional character(s) who are religious, of a Christian flavor. That's going to show in how they act, think, behave and say.

If you write a religious character who finds strength in their piety and uses their faith to shape magic and has positive and affirming interactions with other people who also share that faith? Yeah, it's going to sound vaguely like religious propaganda. It's kind of baked in. Religious propaganda is written into any institutionalized faith such as most forms of Christianity, so as to keep the faith going and growing and the institution that promotes said faith, growing and in power.

And if it still bothers you, may the force be with you. ♥

And now I'm going to be really bitchy in the tags

#Izzy answers #anon #a religious character being religious is propaganda?#because they talk about their own experiences with faith as a person to another person in fic?#the point of propaganda is to persuade people to other perspectives #and the information used is misleading or biased or out of context #which is the definition of propaganda #information without sources is obviously the worst offender on the propaganda list #but this is the personal experiences of a character in a fic #said character is their own source #when dealing with irl obviously you have people who can and will lie which is why you want corroborative testimony or solid evidence #but still take it with a grain of salt because people are dumbasses (affectionate) and also dumbasses (with the hatred of 1k suns)#I'm going to assume this is ask is about Umei's most recent fic #in fic however you still got someone asking for advice and he got religious flavored advice back because he asked a religious person #how is that propaganda #he got back Christ flavored coping mechanisms not a pack of lies

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ennead-of-whump · 9 months ago

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Psych Whump Masterlist

💉💉💉

This is going to be my go-to list every time I find something with medical or psych whump in it that I want to remember. I'll reblog it frequently and try to keep it updated but it's going to start small because good psych whump is so hard to find. (This in no way endorses medical abuse, I'm a mentally ill individual but I love consuming psych whump in media. Just about everything in these movies, books, etc are at the very least morally gray so consume at your own risk. Also, I only enjoy these things in fiction. Irl it makes me sick to my stomach, I know bc I've experienced some of this.) I'll try to add trigger warnings for each one but I might miss some so I apologize in advance. If you have any recommendations please message me! I'm scouring the internet for good psych whump but medical/sickfic whump is also wanted.

Movies:

A Cure For Wellness: Guy gets tricked into becoming a patient at a "resort" that's really a mental hospital in disguise that uses its patients for nefarious means. CW: incest, medical abuse, teeth falling out, sexual assault, some weird eel shit ^^There's probably more but I haven't watched the film in a while.

TV Shows:

Moon Knight: Whole season of psych whump, the main character has DID and loads of past trauma. Has a huge ancient Egypt theme and the MC gets (kind of) forced to accept psychiatric care. CW: lots of ableism, mental break, psychotic episodes, forced institutionalisation, child abuse, restraints

Books:

House of Leaves: This book is a fever trip but the MC (kind of?? The book has multiple authors, it's honestly very confusing but it's great) suffers from declining mental health and spirals hard. CW: child abuse, lots of sexual content, mentions of a caretaker beating a child, mentions/delusions of sexual assault, death of a dog (it was brutal, huge warning), mentions/descriptions of suicide and attempted murder

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest: This is chock-full of psych and medical whump, it all takes place in a psychiatric hospital (I've actually been to the one in the film! -Not as a patient) CW: huge amounts of abuse from staff, doctors, nurses, there's also a scene where SA is implied on a patient, the MC is there after being convicted of SA'ing a minor and he's pretty unremorseful (the MC is a dick though anyways), racism, ableism

OG Works (not mine):

Redwood Psychiatric Insitute: Forced institutionalization, great read and it has just about every trope I look for in fics all packed into one series. Please give it a read, it's fantastic. Source - https://www.tumblr.com/only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are/706656298337435648/redwood-psychiatric-institute-masterlist?source=share by @only-shadows-dwell-where-we-are

Fanfiction:

Into Your Arms: This is a Star Trek fanfic that follows a girl who has a severe eating disorder and mental illness. It's not the normal kind of sickfic or psych whump I go for but the aftercare in this is topnotch. Source - https://archiveofourown.org/works/15185897 by moose-misses-sweets on ao3 CW: suicide attempt, severe eating disorder, abusive partner, cutting/self harm

Note: If something you made is on this list and you want me to remove it, please message me and I will. I don't check messages very often but it doesn't mean I'm ignoring you, I just forget I have a tumblr sometimes.)

This has now been moved to @caspers-delusions which is my main blog. I'll be updating the post from there

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t4tails · 3 months ago

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While yeah the way arkham is handled in basically all batman media sucks, I dont understand the sentiment that asylums and similar concepts are inherently nothing but vehicles for abuse.

While historically they've mostly just been somewhere for people to hide away undesirables in the guise of helping them(and then just abusing them like crazy instead either cause they thought that could help make them "normal" or cause they just didn't care etc) and im not going to deny that its not still like. What the majority of asylums are used for today as well. I just dont understand why people esp ones who haven't been institutionalised or are close to people who have been wave away the entire concept as nothing but a weapon against mentally ill people(not saying im sure youve never been etc).

Again I'm not trying to say the vast majority of asylums don't have absolutely huge issues and that there's not a fuck ton of inherent problems especially to forced institutionalisation cause there really really is but ive had friends whove actually improved from being institutionalised and would be willing to be again(very rare im aware) and have considered consenting to it myself because of the kind of care theyre able to offer.

I have acquaintances that have been tackled and sedated while institutionalised and even one whos received ect(fucked her up extremely bad and everything surrounding it was terrible) so again. I know that asylums can be absolutely terrible, i just. Dont get the "nothing but vehicles for abuse" thing cause if that were true, then they'd be even worse than they are, and i wouldn't have friends who could say positive things about their experience.

Sorry for sending this long ass ask, i know its worded really weird but i really hope youre able to understand what im trying to say and that you have a good day.

i understand what you mean, but i didnt say they were nothing but a vehicle for abuse, just that they are a vehicle for abuse. youre debating a point i didnt make, while agreeing with what i actually did say, which is that forced institutionalization has inherent problems and has historically had psychiatric abuse not just as an unfortunate possibility, but as an intended effect. there are of course cases where they help people, as some do make use of actual helpful therapeutic methods, but it doesnt excuse the dehumanizing techniques often employed otherwise.

again emphasizing i dont think we're disagreeing on anything here i think you just thought i made a conclusion i didnt mean to lol

#og post #ask #anon

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creekfiend · 11 months ago

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Howdy, so Ive got a questions.

I was one of the lucky few mentally ill kids who didn't have a horrific experience with institutionalization, and there's definitely a lot more going on under the hood of my mind than is on any kind of record that i haven't brought to any sort of doctor for fear that i will be denied any sort of recourse in my own life (Autism, CPTSD and suspected BPD). I say this to let you know I'm being genuine in my questioning despite being behind anon.

I saw a post in which it's stated that mental illness as an industry and field of study is meant to pathologize "normal" reactions to capitalism and systemic tragedies, but like. Capitalism didn't make me autistic, or traumatize me, or neglect me into developing a disorder. I agree wholeheartedly that mental illnesses can be developed in response to circumstances outside of someone's control, but i can't in good conscience sit here, remembering a time when i was sat up in bed at 2 am having a psychotic break, convinced that i was still dreaming and that there was something after me as i sob and convulsed in terror and say in good conscience that people who have to experience that sort of terror every day don't need some sort of means to help them maintain some semblance of a life.

I say this because the posts ive been taking issue with are classing the very concept of psychology as a field of study and medicine as an inherent moral evil on the basis of stigma and ableism being prominent in the field. And while i again, wholeheartedly agree that stigma and ableism colors much of psychology, i can't help but see exactly how much good it COULD do should stigma and ableism be removed completely from the equation. Replace biases and preconceived notions with a basis of compassion and understanding, if you will.

Is this a movement that denounces the entire study of mental health and the treatment of it as degrading and immoral by nature? If so, what does the antipsych movement have in mind as a means of helping those in mental distress without a means to examine and classify different types of mental distress? Am i misunderstanding the gist of these concepts? Is there some sort of contingency to deal with those of us with uglier manifestations of mental health to put it lightly? For those whose mental health would absolutely benefit from being placed somewhere safe with other like-minded people for a time, is there any room for such a thing as a treatment, so long as it's voluntary, like an actual hospital treating an illness instead of a prison housing criminals?

I just. Want to understand, because the understanding I'm currently getting is distressing to me, as i initially thought antipsych as a "treat nuerodivergent people like normal actual people and also abolish the use of mental institutions in their current, oppressive form", as opposed to those who seem to be saying (and please, genuinely, correct me if I'm misinterpreting this) to abolish the study of psychology altogether.

if you read the contents of my tag and you still think that this is a relevant question I don't know what to tell you

...

I simply don't im sorry

#i think there is something much more basic that is not connecting for you than this #i am not trying to be mean. but literally no one js claiming that capitalism invented mental illness or psychosis or acute distress.#like youre asking me to explain a position which simply is not present in the literature that i have provided.

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reblogor · 6 months ago

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the western zodiac signs...my ranking (men)

Virgo: Keep to themselves, serious about what they love, and can be very loyal as friends. Usually kind if they have no reason to be rude.

June Cancer: Funny as hell but also can be a little messy. Especially when they're unevolved, they can tend to create drama. They also have a habit of not caring about anything that doesn't directly effect them. Fierce lovers of family.

April Aries: Weirdly earthy guys lol...Chill, easy to talk to, kind, driven (though sometimes a little all over the place). My main concern with them is that every one I've known has fallen victim to a vice. This doesn't make them a bad person but it's sad to see someone with so much potential suffer so much as a result.

June Gemini: Excellent conversation…like god tier conversation. Not sure of what else to say beyond that.

August Leo: Ehh...they can be fun to be around but most of my experience with them comes from childhood, so there could be a difference with adult male leos.

Sagittarius: Funny af but also really fucking mean lmao. Like they will deliver the sickest burn in the funniest way possible.

May Gemini: Not a single original thought in that head of theirs. Very smart, but a follower through and through. Doesn't make for a strong relationship of any kind.

Capricorn: If you think a may gemini is bad, imagine befriending someone who has a fraction of the intelligence but thinks they have way more than they actually do. Followers with unearned arrogance lmao.

October Scorpio: Literally pathological. When they're in a good mood, they're okay, but as soon as their mood drops even a little bit, they're suddenly wanting to do harm to everybody in the immediate vicinity. They lie like breathing and aren't particularly driven to do anything besides exist. Still better than the remainder lmfao.

March Aries: All the ones I've met should be institutionalized. They're extremely sensitive, secretly abusive, prone to being mean unless you walk on eggshells around them... On the other hand they are much more tolerable than the other signs below them, especially when you're just getting to know them.

Taurus: Secretly messy bitches who will drop you the moment they get bored. Hella mean, no empathy, fake as fuck, and will belittle you any chance they get in order to prop themselves up in front of others. What makes them worse than october scorps and march aries is the fact that they will do their dirt behind a smile.

July Leo: Completely unhinged individuals... Will flip on you the moment they perceive their ego has been bruised. What makes them worse than March Aries and October Scorpios is they don't even change on you for valid reasons pertaining to genuine emotional hurt, just perceived ego slights.

Aquarius: Don't even speak to an aquarius if you don't have to. ESPECIALLY a february aquarius. January aquarians are bad, don't get me wrong. But nearly every february aquarius male I have ever met has done something criminal and creepy, especially to women including stalking and physical abuse. And even for the ones who haven't engaged in criminal activity, they are extremely fickle, argumentative, competitive, egoistic, irrational (while genuinely believing they're not), rude af, and lie for no reason at all.

Have not really ever gotten to know a male july cancer, a male november scorpio, a male pisces, nor a male libra, so I can't speak on them. I assume, however, that nothing can be worse than a male aquarius, so at the very least they're probably better than that.

This is just MY experience with the signs and exists for entertainment purposes only. Don't be mean to someone just because of their sign!

#zodiac signs ranking: men edition #aries taurus gemini cancer #leo virgo libra scorpio #sagittarius capricorn aquarius pisces #all my opinion based on my experiences don't take it too seriously/personally

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trans-axolotl · 11 months ago

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I'm a psych survivor & want to find community in general or join conversations on here but it seems like no one really cares what I have to say & a lot of the conversations on here about mad liberation etc. are so academic that I feel alienated & shut out by them, and afraid of being talked down to & made fun of, even though I was (barely) able to master's degree and thought I was fairly intelligent. it seems like the academics mainly want to talk amongst themselves. idk. it's like the more I try to connect the worse I feel. I guess you probably don't have an answer to this but I appreciate your blog & how accessible your writing is

💜💜💜anon i think you have SUCH an important point. for me, the most meaningful mad community that i've found has always been when I've been institutionalized and just talking with other mad people, where most of them don't have any experience with mad liberation politics or antipsychiatry or any of that vocabulary. But like--time and time again those are the people who just get it the most, and are some of the most insightful people I've met. And I know that if some of my psych survivor friends came on tumblr, I think they would be judged for not having the "right" language or not communicating clearly enough or whatever. Which makes me so fucking mad, especially considering how many of us are disabled in ways that impact our communication, processing, and language. and how to me, it feels like such an important value of mad liberation to celebrate different styles of communication and all the different ways we're going to show up and exist as mad people! I'm sorry that you haven't been able to find a lot of welcoming community on tumblr--I know how exhausting and isolating it feels to not be able to connect with the people that are Supposed to actually understand and support you.

and it's not that I hate academic stuff about madness--I'm currently at university studying disability studies and really appreciate disability scholars. I think it's super fucking important + there's a lot of really talented people doing cool work. But I think that especially in disability studies, there needs to be a LOT more of an effort put in to actually make research + writing accessible. If half our community can't access any of the writing about our community, that's fucked up, you know? I'm always getting into arguments at university lmao when I talk about how we should do more to translate academic work into plain language. especially since i think it's a form of injustice when we are kept away from resources and knowledge that would let us build a political understanding of our experiences. it just feels super important to me to think about accessibility and what that means in mad spaces and psych survivor spaces, and who feels welcome to participate in our spaces and who feels left out of them.

and i also don't really have answers or solutions for How to Make That Happen on Tumblr--if you or any followers have any suggestions i would def love to hear them. i know that a lot of people are going to come on tumblr to do a lot of different things and that some people see this mostly as an academic space for them, where some people just come on here to talk or create art or a million different things.

For me, I use tumblr as a space where I want to talk and connect with a lot of people about all kinds of topics and hear psych survivors opinions on a ton of stuff. a lot of my posts are pretty casual, but when i make longer educational and political posts i spend a lot of time thinking about the best ways to translate really academic concepts to a wider audience. when i sit down to write out a long post i try to incorporate as many accessibility features as possible like using bullet points, putting in summaries/ Tl;DR sections at ends of posts, adding in real life examples when I'm defining complicated technical concepts, adding content notes, and more. Before I post, I read through my posts and highlight every time I use a more academic or technical term. Then, I think through whether that vocab is necessary for people to understand the post, or if there's better language I could replace it with. A lot of times I do end up keeping in some technical terms in my posts because it is honestly the most direct way to explain some of the stuff I want to talk about, but it's been super valuable for me to go through and really think about it, even when some terms stay in my writing. that's just my process and what works for me and I really don't think that other people need to write the same way I do lmao, but if anyone ever wants to talk about writing in plain language & easy read PLEASE come into my inbox bc i love talking about this and want to chat about it with more people.

other things i'll say is that i've found that virtual/in person psych survivor/antipsych support groups are often times a lot more welcoming and accessible and are just like, people talking about things and hanging out together. I've heard really good things about Wildflower Alliance's support groups, and also recommend the Hearing Voices Network. Project LETS has been running an exceptional psychiatric survivor support group for almost a year that is more casual and is a really great community, I'm hoping that they're going to open up availability again in the spring so that might also be worth checking out in the next couple months. Campaign for Psych Abolition in the UK runs a mad art space that seems super fun. i wish there were a lot more existing groups cause it sucks how few things there are tbh.

anyway, know that you + anyone else are always welcome to chat in my inbox or on any of my posts and you will not face any judgement from me. i genuinely love talking to other psych survivors so much and want to hear what people have to say. the only people i get annoyed at on my posts are psych students and other mental health professionals who leave really bullshit stuff on there lmfao.

sending you all the solidarity, anon <3

#asks #psych survivor #surviving psych #psych abolition #mad liberation #accessibility #sorry for going on a tangent about plain language in the middle adsfjkhjkfsh i just like. am very passionate about plain language writing #and tumblr is one of the main places in my day to day life where i practice writing in plain language #i am not perfect at it but i really enjoy doing it and keep wanting to get better at it #also want to get better about writing in easy read. i'm not very good at that at all yet #ik that wasn't like directly related to your question tho so sorry!! i started getting excited about plain language #and then was like no okay i should just go post about plain language on a diff post that isn't ur ask askfdjhfjdkah #ANYWAY. sending all the love u way anon

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