#if you have a problem with what someone reads because its not “normal” dont talk to me

[vanweezer]

very very personal, just insight into where im at w my family and things that bother me/have encouraged me to move out

"i know youre moving out so im just gonna say no ones kicking you out and if you feel like this is something you have to do then ok"

thanks! i know im not being kicked out! but yknow i kinda yet a weird vibe when your out of touch husband takes me to a cemetery to yell at me, tell me im just like my father/dont give my father "the time of day", and that im "mean to people who care about me" in front of his dead mother's grave in a poor attempt at guilting me out of speaking my mind. but no yeah thanks for stating the fucking obvious that im leaving on my own terms

[sadnessunderthebridge]

"Hey, *nsert my name* why do you only read stuff about gay people? You don't read anything normal.

First of all bitch fuck "normal" and second I read it because those beautiful lesbians in that story over there have a better relationship then I've ever read in any "normal" story.

Oh, and third of all, for your information, I do read stories over straight couples, but the relationship in those are so toxic that there might as well be a large red flag on every page.

[determinate-negation]

IMPORTANT update on mohammed's campaign!

mohammed almanasra @save-mohamed-family has unfortunately been having issues with fundraising. his first campaign was shut down by the bank and GFM without him getting any of the money he raised. recently he had some concerns about the person hosting his second campaign because he has only been receiving a small percentage of the funds raised and the host wouldn’t send receipts. he thought it'd be best if we started a new campaign with me hosting it and shut down the old campaign. i'll be organizing this now so hopefully there will be no problems and i can be transparent with him about the finances. also in a stronger currency (USD)

mohammed has been verified by @el-shab-hussein and is on the Vetted Gaza Fundraiser List #192 with this updated link now

you may have seen my other posts about his campaign, mohammed and i talk frequently and its so awful what he's been through in this genocide:

mohammed lost his mother, father, and four sisters who were killed in a bombing, and is now living in tents with his remaining family members, his wife and three young children. he was seriously injured in his foot and it may need to be amputated, but he told me that hes doesn't care if he loses his foot he just doesn't want to lose his family. his wife has uterine cancer but hasn't been able to get treatment recently because the genocidal israeli army has destroyed health centers. his children are suffering from infectious diseases spreading throughout gaza, and the little medical treatment available is very expensive. here’s a photo of his kids who instead of having a normal childhood have to struggle to survive.

they've been displaced recently again, because of the israeli army changing the location of so called 'humanitarian zones,' and every displacement is expensive and exhausting, with no guarantee that where they are forced to move to is actually safe. right now mohammed told me he doesn't have good enough internet to use tumblr unless he goes to a internet hot spot which are often more dangerous because the idf targets people there. he knows it's risky but fundraising online is the only way he can support his family right now.

mohammed has made posts on his blog about their situation and i do encourage you to read his own words, because i am merely summarizing conditions that are far worse than any of us from outside can really comprehend

the pain of losing so many family members, your home, your job, your city, and everything you have is already unimaginable. please dont let him lose any more of his family. donate to this campaign and if you cant, share it with someone who can.

especially if you have a degree of disposable income i implore you to think about what you can reasonably give. it could be relatively small adjustment for you but make a significant difference for someone else. thank you very much everyone who participated already for starting this out with some donations.

$205 raised of $50,000 USD

[payasita]

Good job getting ADHD medication! I’m so proud of you :D

thanks so so much im very happy and so hopeful for the first time maybe ever but also it TOOK ME LIKE. A YEAR. A YEAR.

like yall for real?? for real. for real i have been diagnosed since i was like six. (funny story my teacher thought i was on the spectrum so my parents get me tested with the nodes and shit and according to mom, who loves this story, my neurologist did all that and talked to me and then just turned to my mom and went "she's not autistic. she just hates the other kids" but they DID find an adhd diagnosis in there so net win for all of us)

diagnosed since i was SIX. on stimulants until i turned 8, and you know why i got off em? my pediatrician retired. we could not find another who would take our low-income insurance. so i just had to rawdog The Rest Of My Fucking Life. diagnosed when i was six. legally neurodivergent for 20 slutty slutty angry years.

and it still took me like. a few months to get a psych appointment. a few weeks to reaffirm my diagnosis as an adult. a few more weeks for another appointment for meds. he doesnt Want to do meds first, because i must have been doing fine without them if its been two decades, right? i got a job and a car and everything. well gee fuckin shittickers Dr. Brain Guy, just WHAT was my alternative? would you prefer i be maladapted to the point of incapacitation; is that what it takes for someone to be considered? i cheated my way through school. every day after work i sit for an hour in my car because i dont have the executive function to stand up and walk the ten steps to my house. garbage just appears around me. i have three empty bags of hot chip and two cans of sprite on my desk as we speak, neither from today. at that point i hadnt had a debit card for six months because that would have required me to Drive To The Bank, a location that was new to me in this area, so i just did everything on credit. is this all normal? is this fine? am i GOOD, actually, Dr. WeirdBrain?

so we cordially agree that yes i should probably be medicated. i want to do a stimulant. he does not want to put me on a stimulant. "stimulants can mess with your heart," he says, "and you're young, you don't want heart problems." i say ok because i dont want to make him think im just looking for narcotics. even though i am. because they WORK. i agree to try some kind of antidepressant.

the antidepressant gives me tachycardia. i go to the emergency room after reading a heartbeat of, oh, 140 bpm, which is about like double what it normally is and juuuust below the You Are Having A Heart Attack threshold. i get to the ER and the doctor there is very obviously convinced i'm a local addict having some sort of episode. it is the most ironic experience i've had all year and i feel an abrupt and all consuming kinship with those birds in australia that will swoop you and peck at your face for seemingly no good reason.

so yeah, we narrow it down to the antidepressant. as it turns out, these particular meds are known to, semi-commonly, Mess With Your Heart. i have my next appointment with my psych and somehow refrain from pecking his eyes out. he puts me on a noreprinephrine inhibitor(iirc) that isnt actually FDA approved to treat ADHD specifically(i DEFINITELY rc) but it IS given to smokers to help them quit. i dont smoke. i may very well fucking start before this whole ordeal is at the point where someone listens to me

it obviously does a combined total of jack and shit, and the man waffles with this one because he has "had success" using it as treatment for other ADHD patients. he ups the dose. twice. three months on the smoker meds, which are also apparently notorious for destroying your appetite, but they didnt even do THAT. no change to the average amount of hot chip on my desk.

he wants to try quelbree after that. i finally tell him i'm tired of this shit and would like to have more than two hours of usable daylight to function before it all falls to uncontrollable youtube shorts binges and a daily experience i like to call The Weighted Nothings and i would very much like to PLEASE. TRY A STIMULANT.

he's been friendly enough with me over these past four or five or whatever months but at this he gets suddenly very very business-baseline. gives me the whole spiel about the north american shortage. gives me a spiel about how i absolutely cannot, under any circumstances, lose or sell this medication, because they will not refill it if i do. i am sitting here wondering if he he's telling the truth about having other ADHD patients at all like ever in his career, and also, am i nuts or should the "don't sell your prescription drugs" bit apply to EVERYTHING? i dont fuckin know man i just live here

he says he wants a urine test first. its scheduled for two weeks out. i take it.

"hey uh, your piss came back with cannabis in it" "well it'd be weirder if it didn't, we are in california and i am a kitchen manager" "you can't have weed if you want adderall" "fine i'll stop" "we'll schedule you another test in a month" "aight bet" it didnt go exactly like that but this is kind of what the vibe between us has devolved into by this point.

anyway i wait a month and get a good grade in piss. i get the meds prescribed. i go to fill out the prescription

all i really need to say to you are the words "prior authorization error" for most of you to get what happened next.

the psych isnt even aware. i wait another month for our next meeting, which was yesterday. i do not yell at him. he tells me to take it up with the pharmacy, and yell at them. i am going to yell at them.

so i go, and guess what, it actually went through a while ago! NO ONE TOLD ME OR DR. FEEL-BAD OVER HERE. but we can't fill it right now because its a controlled substance so come back in a few hours. hey it's ready where the hell are you? TAKE YOUR METH AND GET OUT

anyway i started it today, reorganized my pantry, and fixed the fire alarm in my hallway that's been chirping at me for a week. i no longer have to wear earplugs to bed.

and with my newfound executive function superpowers, i will be spraying my weed-free piss all over Reagan's grave.

[huuuuughes]

Mine. - Jeremy Swayman

Summary: Jeremy comes over to beg for your forgiveness, and things quickly take a turn... but not for the worst.

Word count: 3.3k (its short ik im sorry)

WARNINGS: Daddy kink, dirty talk, unprotected sex, bad writing??? idk this is porn OKAY READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. pls dont read if you're under 18 thank u!!

Note: i wrote this awhile ago for goalie week and then a bunch of stuff happened and i kept forgetting to post it bc i started my first full time job a month ago and its kicking my BUTT. anyways thanks for reading :)

You could hear your phone going off from across the room. It was Friday night and the end of a very long work week. Your boss was driving you up the wall and your personal life didn’t seem to be going much better. Your friends were good, you just didn’t get to see them as often as you wanted due to just being adults and everyone having their own full time jobs. 

The one person who was supposed to make your life easier, better even, was the one currently blowing up your phone. You knew exactly who it was, but he deserved to sit there and stew for a while. But as you looked around your apartment while trying to decide what show to numb your mind with, you noticed things of his strewn everywhere. You didn’t live together, not yet anyway, but based on the amount of things you had at each others’ places, you may as well have. 

Your work involved working with many different clients, and making their dreams come true. You were a travel agent, and your boss didn't exactly adhere to the typical 9-5 schedule like a normal job. If you were awake, she expected you to be able to take care of the problem. 

You had already decided long ago that men didn’t always think with their brains. Jeremy was jealous, but of what you had no idea. Did you have a lot of clients who were men who wanted to surprise the lady in their lives? Yes. Did those scumbags also try and make a move on you sometimes? Also yes. But you were a professional, and always conducted yourself as such. As much as you wanted to, it wasn’t your job to fix someone else’s insecurities. You could tell Jeremy that he didn’t need to be jealous until you were blue in the face, but you didn’t know when he was going to get it. You weren’t broken up, but you’d told him you needed a minute for him to calm down. It had been a few days at that point, and you couldn’t deny you were also getting antsy. He may be a stupid guy sometimes, but he was yours.

After what had to be the millionth time of your phone going off with a DING of a text, you made yourself get up off the couch. The last message you had read:

Sway❤️: I know I’m stupid. I need you to know I’m sorry. Can I see you, please? 

After the stressful week you’d had, you wanted nothing more than to feel his familiar warmth around you. The moment he was near you it was like the noise around you calmed down to its lowest level. 

Y/N: I’m at home, you know where to find me. 

Sway❤️: I’m on my way, be there in 20. I love you. 

The next twenty minutes were going to kill you. Your apartment was already cleaned, because you liked to clean when you got anxious as mess only made you more anxious. Your doorman would recognize Jeremy and send him up when he arrived, so you didn’t need to even get up to let him in. He had his key, he knew exactly where to find you. 

After an eternity, at least what felt like one, you heard the familiar sound of a key in the lock. He quietly took off his shoes by the door, and locked it behind him. 

“Babe?” He called out, already walking toward the living room where you sat. 

“I’m in here!” You called back. Relief washed over you when you saw him, but you didn’t get up and go to him. He had to earn you back the way you deserved. 

“Where should I start?” He asked, sitting down in a chair only a few feet away from you. 

“How about how you shouldn’t act jealous of my stupid clients? Or any man that I’m ever with that isn’t you? Do you really think I’m that crappy of a person that I would EVER cheat on you?”

“I know I shouldn’t, I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t do that because you’re the best person I’ve ever known, but-“

“BUT WHAT JEREMY?” You screamed, and you know it came out louder and meaner than you wanted it to. He recoiled a little bit but didn’t lose his energy. 

“I’m stupid. I’m a stupid guy, who knows you are way out of my league. It sounds like a dumb excuse, but I’m so scared of losing you. I want you, I want to love you, I want to be with you for the rest of my life. But you’ve seen the league, you’ve seen what this life can do to relationships and what it turns people into. I don’t want anything bad to happen to us. I know this isn’t the life you signed on for. I think about you being at home alone and I hate it.” He looked defeated and like he meant every word he’d said. 

“You can’t lose something you already have.” You wanted to close the space between you so badly. 

“You still want to be with me?” You got up and walked to the kitchen as he asked, putting away the wine you’d gotten out so it wouldn’t spoil. He followed closely, less than a few steps away. One giant step and he’d be able to close that space. 

“I wouldn’t have told you to come if I didn’t. You just needed to listen, and you weren’t hearing me. You don’t have to be jealous of anyone, that isn’t who I am.”

“I hear you loud and clear now. And I’m not jealous, you’re just mine.” The tone in his voice shifted to another one you recognized. 

“I’m yours huh?” You said it like you were challenging him because it sounded like he thought he already won. He should be fighting for you and showing you what that means. 

“Do you need a reminder?” He closed the space, so his forehead rested against yours. You could feel his hot breath on your face, breathing in time with you. Without warning, you pressed your lips against his with a new hunger behind you. You’d missed this heat between you, the raw need to have each other right in that moment. 

His hands explored your body, finding their way to your ass and lifting you up onto the counter. It was cold against your legs, the shorts you had on weren’t very long and you felt every inch of cold countertop but you didn’t care. His lips left yours with a moan and began making their way down your neck. You could feel how wet you were already getting, responding to his touch so quickly. You reached for the hem of his shirt and motioned for him to take it off. He complied in earnest, his mouth immediately returning to you.

Lifting your shirt up and over your head, your breasts became exposed for him to devour. He licked around your nipple, biting it and chasing you to arch off the counter while letting out a scream. Your nails were digging into every spot on him that he could reach. Momentarily he kissed your mouth again, bringing his still covered cock against your center. You could feel it hard against you, the friction only giving you the slightest relief. 

“Please daddy, please I need-“ You tried not to beg but the torture was killing you. 

“Tell me you’re mine and I’ll give you exactly what you want. Tell daddy who you belong to princess.” He whispered in your ear, continuing to kiss around your neck in the spot he knew you liked. 

“YOURS. I’M YOURS!” You needed relief or you were going to go insane. 

“Now was that so hard baby?” He asked. You didn’t even have the time or energy to reply as he pulled off your shorts in one big motion. 

“No underwear? Even better.” You attempted to push his head toward your swollen clit, but he wouldn’t go faster than he wanted to. He kissed and bit your thighs, leaving marks where he knew no one could see. You’d have those marks there for weeks. Each kiss he got closer until you finally felt his tongue brush against your clit. You shivered as he began to devour you, your thighs clenching around his head not wanting him to escape.

He pulled back but only for a moment, instructing you to lick the fingers he was putting in front of your face. You did as he asked, and he resumed going after your pussy. In a new move, he inserted his fingers into you as he continued eating. His tongue was licking in time with his fingers as they pumped in and out of you. He was hitting a spot in you that you didn’t even know was there.

“Holy shit don’t stop, don’t stop PLEASE.” You were writhing on top of the counter as he struggled to hold you in place. He knew you were so close to your high, edging you just along that fine line. You’re burning up and he knows it. His other hand reaches up and pinches your nipple before grabbing onto your breasts like they were his lifeline. 

You cursed him silently for having hair you couldn’t grab onto, but you pressed his head as if it could go further into you. His tongue quickened its pace, matching his fingers. You could feel your orgasm building and it was right there, all you needed to do was let go. 

“Let go baby girl, cum on my face for me..” He whispered against your clit,  and what came out of yours was a series of expletives that you didn’t care to understand. He could taste everything you were giving him, not stopping as you started to come down. Every nerve ending was on overdrive and he held you down against the counter. The wave of your orgasm rolled over you, your heart pounding in your chest. He didn’t let a single drop of you miss his mouth, and you saw his smile looking up at you as you tried to catch your breath. 

He stood up without breaking eye contact, and undid his own pants. He made sure all remaining clothes of yours were off, nibbling on your ears and down your neck as he did so. In a move of complete trust, he picked you up off of the counter and carried you down to where he knew your room was. His lips found yours again and suddenly your lungs were struggling for air but you didn’t care. Your arms were hooked around his neck as he walked, kissing him like your life depended on it. 

Setting you down on the bed, he laid you down on your back, and stood back to marvel at the sight of you. 

“You look… “ his brain was struggling to find the right word, “fucking stunning.” 

“And you have too many clothes on… sir.” You put yourself up on your elbows, looking down at his boxers that for some reason, had remained on. You didn’t need to let him finish what he was going to say, you needed him to do something more than speak. 

“Sir?” He raised an eyebrow and stepped closer to you. 

“Did you like that?”  You knew he did but it was your way of teasing. His mouth was on yours before you could process his next movements, placing one hand to your side to balance himself and the other knotted in your hair, pulling your head back so you were looking up at him when he pulled apart. You didn’t even realize that his boxers were already off, as you felt his cock brush against your leg and pussy. 

His hand left your hair and explored your leg, getting closer to its destination. His face was so close you could feel his hot breath on your face and his fingers glided over your folds, but so lightly it sent a shiver up your spine. You could hardly catch your breath but you were dying for him to touch you, to fuck you until you couldn’t remember your own name. You wanted him to hear you. His hand remained on your pussy, his fingers becoming soaked.

“So fucking wet for me baby.. did you miss me?” He quickened his fingers and began pumping them inside you. The feeling of his fingers wasn’t enough, you needed more and a whine-like moan escaped you. You whispered a response to him, and it spurred him on. 

“Please Jeremy please, please I need you inside me..” 

“That’s not my fucking name, not in here. In here I own you, isn't that right princess? Do you want me to be gentle?” You nod no, but that isn’t enough for him.

“Use your words princess.”

“No.”

“No, what?”

“Don’t be gentle!” You tried pushing his head towards your core again, but he remained looking at you with his fingers teasing you. He added another, stretching you from the inside. You gasped and scratched your nails up his back. 

You gasp again, as you feel him part you with two fingers and put his tongue against you again. He wasn’t done tasting you yet.

“Please baby, I need your cock. Please!” Your mouth couldn’t move fast enough and you didn’t even care that he had reduced you to a begging mess beneath him. Your hips wanted to grind, needing more friction. You could feel your release building again as he sucks on your clit. It was right there, you could feel it as you clawed at your sheets trying to grab onto something but there was nothing. 

Your legs spasmed around his head as your release flooded over you and he ate you once again. 

“So fucking wet for me, you’re so stunning baby girl.” He kissed his way up your body and aligned himself with your entrance. He isn’t gentle as he slams into you as he kisses your mouth like you’re the only thing keeping him alive. 

You’re left begging for air as his head drops down, ducking your nipple into his mouth. 

“Oh god, oh fuck..” you cry out as he wasn’t holding back. He slammed into you over and over, bringing his hand up to find your clit. As he fucked you he was playing with your clit again, causing your wetness to pool onto the bed. Every single nerve you had was on fire, and only he could put it out. 

“Tell me you need it, tell me how bad you want you want my cum.” The hand not on your clit slowly moves up your body to the bottom of your throat and locking his hand around it. Not putting too much pressure, but enough to lightly choke you. Both of your hands gripped his arm as  you felt his cock filling you and his thighs slapping against yours. His speed was increasing and so was the hunger in his eyes. 

“Oh fuck, fuck daddy please I need your cum I need you so bad..!” 

“You are mine, your orgasms are mine, everything about you is mine.” Without warning he withdrew from you, earning a desperate moan. Quickly he flipped you over into your stomach, pulling your hips back so you were on your hands and knees facing away from him with your ass in the air waving him in like an invitation. 

“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” He whispers into your ear from behind you. He places kisses on the spot in your neck he knows drives you crazy, running his cock along your folds at the same time. He pushes into you again and holds back nothing. Jeremy grips both of your hips with his hands and brings your hips back to meet each one of his thrusts. The sound of his thighs hitting your ass echoes throughout the room, reaching spots inside you that you didn’t know he could. 

You couldn’t hold yourself up anymore, you collapsed into the bed as he fucked into you. 

“So fucking tight princess, this pussy was made for me.” His nails scratch down your back eliciting a loud string of moans. His thrusts become more erratic and he brings his hand up, then down to smack your ass as hard as he could. The scream you made encouraged him more, and you could feel a third orgasm building.

“Fuck daddy, please I’m right there I need to cum daddy please..” You didn’t know how he had gotten that many out of you, but you could already tell he was determined for more. 

“That’s it baby, cum for me, cum all over my cock..” He brought his hand around as he leaned into you to tease your clit some more. You were right there, you pushed back to meet his thrusts to get yourself over the hill and the relief washed over you. You moaned out his name, begging for him to fuck you harder and faster. 

He loved seeing his length go in and out of you, taking all of him so well. Spreading your legs to give him a better angle, his cock continued hitting that spot inside you. He slaps your ass again, and again. You cry out, knowing his release was close behind. His hands wrap in your hair and pull you back, making you arch towards him. 

“Fuck yes baby, you like it when I fuck you like this? You ready for my cum?” He chases his release just as badly as you want it from him, feeling him trying to reach his high. You nodded in response to him, not being able to form any more words. The only sounds coming from you were moans of encouragement, it felt like you could be on cloud nine. 

“FUCK!” He screamed as he pulled almost all the way out, slamming back in and releasing his load into you. Jeremy almost collapsed onto you, but he brought you into his arms as he pulled out of you as his cum slowly leaked back out. You knew he thought it was the hottest thing ever. Both trying to catch your breath and come back down to earth, he pulled you in once you laid down so that you were on his chest. You could hear his heartbeat going a million miles a minute inside his chest, but it brought you a sense of calm. Your person was back where he belonged, he had finally heard you. 

“I love you.” He finally spoke but he still sounded out of breath.

“I love you too.”

“No, you don’t understand. I love you, I really love you. THIS is what I want. This body, your perfect fucking curves. Every minute of every hour of every day, I want you. Not just your body, I want all of you. I’m sorry I was so stupid. I can’t promise you that I won’t make stupid choices sometimes, but I can promise to be better for you every day.”

“Jer-“ You attempted to stop him, you knew he was it too. 

“Please let me finish. I want to make you feel good, I want to be the person you want to come home to every day, I want to be the person who pushes you to be the best version of yourself and make you feel like the queen of the world. You’re it for me, there is no one else. I’ve spent my whole life doubting myself and chasing this dream I couldn’t even describe. But I can see it so clearly now, and I know that dream is you. And I want to be able to have forever with you, if you’ll have me.” You took a moment to absorb his words. 

“You have to make me a promise okay?” His eyes gleamed at you, like you were holding up the moon just for him. 

“Anything, you name it.”

“Promise me forever. There is no past anymore, there is only us and the future we make together. I want us to help each other be better. Okay?”

“Okay. How about we start forever now?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

[norizz-nation]

Click here to read part 1 sweethearts!

Midnight 🧡 (Part 2)

Summary: having dark past because of your mum made you rethink your decision, although lando is doing everything for you

Warnings: nsfw, 18+, a bit angsty, reader’s past is kind of sad, drugs

It has been few weeks since youre having these thoughts.

What if i can never be a good mother? What if i turn up like my mum? What if my baby hates me because im not a good mother? Was keeping the baby a good choice?

Your mum is someone in your life, you dont want to remember. You were 4 when your dad left. For another woman. Your mum raised you from then. But, was she good at raising you? No. She would always bring different men at night. Making it so obvious in front of you that they have sex. She would always make out with them in front of you. The worst part is, you were just 6 when these used to happen. But, you thought your mum was right all these time. You were grateful that she was raising you. Working to earn money. Earning so then you can go to school. But things became tough when you were finally an adult. She would put pressure on you to go work. But not just normal work to earn money. She would tell you to be a prostitute. Because according to her, all you can do is just please men. Every day and night, it was always yelling and shouting at her. Because you couldn’t take it anymore. She was just being mean to you.

You were celebrating your 21st birthday with lando, when you got a call from a hospital. It said that your mum was found unconscious on the street because of too much drug consumption. You immediately went to the hospital with lando and found her on the hospital bed. You were so worried for her. You stayed there all night with lando, waiting for her. But all she said, when she gained consciousness was, “Can you give me 100 bucks from your rich boyfriend? I need it urgently”

That was the last time you saw her. You just couldn’t bear it anymore. You had to leave. It has been two years. Although you do get news about your mum from some of your relatives. Heard that she has married some guy. Whatever. You dont care.

Yes. That’s the problem. You dont care about your mum, thats the problem. Your mum was always a shit person to you. What if your baby hates you too? Just like you hate your mum.

“Y/n, are you alright baby?” Lando asked. You flinched at his words as you looked at him confusingly. “What?” You asked as you looked at the road again. Lando took a deep breath. “You seem pretty lost. If you’re stressing about anything then tell me. Please” he said as he focused on his driving. “No no, its nothing. Im just tired. Its almost midnight” you said, sounding obvious that youre lying.

The next few minutes were quiet. But lando finally broke the silence.

“Is it because of your mum, y/n?” He asked, sounding serious. You couldn’t help but look down at your belly. Tears started to form in your eyes. “If it is about your mum, then baby let me tell you. Youre nothing like her. You’re gonna be a great mother. I mean it” he said as he held your hand, gripping tightly. “I just..” your words got cut out because of your tears. “Tell me love” he said, sounding so soft. You wiped your tears and looked straight. “Can we please talk about this when we get home?” You said, your words were so cold. Lando didn’t say anything but he still held your hand. Not letting your hand go.

“Y/n, please talk to me about it” lando said as he placed the car keys down. “Talk about what?” You asked, pretending like you dont know. “Talk about what?” He repeated. “Y/n, talk about whats wrong. What’s bothering you for the past few weeks?” He asked, sounding concerned. “I just..” you stopped, sitting on the couch, looking down on the floor. Lando then came close to you, kneeling in front of you. He held your hands and caressed it with his thumb. “You just?” He asked. “I just dont think i can do this. What if im not a good mother? What if i turn out like my mum?” You asked, looking down as you teared up again. “Baby..baby youre going to be a great mother. I promise. Youre such an amazing person. You have no idea how much im grateful to have you. Im so happy we’re gonna have a baby, my love” he said. His words comforted you. “Dont cry, my love” he said as he wiped your tears away with his thumb.

The next morning felt really bad. You dont know why but you felt like lando was wrong. You felt like you were right all this time. You felt like all your comfort wiped away from last night. Maybe you are gonna be a bad person like your mum.

You were sitting on the couch looking blankly at the tv. You took a deep breath and did what you had to do to do. You got your phone and dialed a number.

“Okay great, I’ll come tomorrow at 7pm for the abortion”

Click here for part 3 sweethearts!

A/N: requests are open! feel free to ask what you want me to write! luv you ❤️

[impactrueno]

I saw your twt about holding back on telling stories with serious and deep tones and it reminded me of an issue I had a while back. Im a south park fan and I loved reading deep analysis of the characters. and south park being south park, people dont take it seriously and think its just funny so it doesnt deserve deep analysis like other forms of media. I always came across comments saying "its not that deep" or "doing all of that for south park" and I used to hate that so much because why are you commenting that under the authors post? In media there is like a "spectrum" of how deep you are in it as a fan, and it doesn't make you less of a fan if you like to binge watch the show when you feel like it because its funny. Someone who makes fan fiction and psychoanalyses the characters doesnt make them a better fan than you. I hate "it's not deep" because it is that deep to me, I enjoy it, but it dismisses critical thinking and discourages deep discussions about our interests. I want to learn more about the turning point for eric cartman and the friendship dynamics between the main 4. I want to read psychoanalysis of the characters and understand why they do the things they do. I loved reading fan fics with an author that understood how the characters work and put them in situations while making it believable. Whether the content was deep and serious or lighthearted and silly. I don't see those as cringe at all. What I see as cringe is trying to downplay someones time and effort. you dont care for it. cool, just dont make it our problem.

I believe in recent years, this cringe and its not that deep mentality is linked to media literacy/reading comprehension issues. On top of the fact, that fandoms right now has been "normalized", so alot of mean and rude kids and adults are in this space not having a mature and respectful conversation and discussions, as well as zero fandom etiquette. (I understand the past wasnt this magical respectful place but this behaviour has increased compared to past years).

Please don't worry about making deep content, its super fun and there will be fans of what you write/draw that will definitely be into it.

GOSH anon you are absolutely right. cringe culture has done some serious damage to people's creativity and freedom of expression. doing things in earnest is now cringe to so many people (specifically that 18-21 age where they think they're better than everyone else and everything is cringe to them, image is everything) and they actually give you shit for it?? it's crazy. the most harmless thing in the world. whenever my hey arnold comics would leave my target audience on instagram i would get the meanest comments for no fucking reason, because i was taking hey arnold "seriously" (nevermind that hey arnold is probably the nicktoon with the most emotional depth and moments besides ginger but i digress) but hey at least i'm not the one losing my marbles over some random cartoon comic on the internet.

i think rudeness in general has been too normalized not just in fandom, but in social media in general. it's sad. the only thing you can do about it is be kind as much as you can to counterbalance it. i'd like to think that rubs off on people just like how being rude rubbed off on them.

i said that thing about holding back because i'm admittedly too hard on myself sometimes. no one is calling me cringe or making fun of me for what i do, thankfully, people have been super cool and supportive. and it means a lot to me because i'm very earnest about everything i create, even when i try to hold back. i literally cannot help being myself. it's all i know how to do. i'm just glad i was able to grow a platform where i'm free to be openly passionate about the things i like, talk about them and why i like them, the little things that i find fascinating, the emotions they make me feel, all of that shit is awesome and i wish more people did that.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for making a thread on twt against an ex online teammate?

cw: suicide baiting, mentions of grooming, possible sexting, transphobia, mentions of NSFW but no outright specifics

i (15 f) had this friend, who well call aj (fake name) (18-19 ftm i believe) back in october of last year. for context we met in a quick match when i was 14 and he was 17-18 in a video game where i also met another friend, moto (fake alias) (14 f at the time, now 15). after a few matches where we would be randomly matched together he sent me the invite to his discord server and i joined. eventually as more people joined the server (at most there were 20 or more people in the server before its deletion, most of which were minors and we were around her 'adult' friends who were anywhere from 18-30)

we would talk alot (and aj would insert herself into any conversation possible) but we would eventually have our disagreements which would end with aj threatening to kill himself, eventually this became the norm and we stopped giving a shit when he would threaten to kill himself because of how frequently he threatened it (kind of like a cry wolf situation)

around the time we stopped caring about his suicide baiting he switched tatics and tried to guilt trip us into apologizing to him for questioning her behavior (e.x. using the fact that he was neurodivergent, to elaborate someone would say "hey stop saying your going to kill yourself" and he would go "its something called a brain problem" or "i dont have pills to help me", basically blamed all of his actions on his alleged 'brain problem'). we still proceeded to not care because of how frequently he lied

on top of this, he had this streak of calling asian characters within the game feminine? a specific case (and the straw that broke the camels back for alot of my teammates) was when she called a well-loved chinese character from the game something along the lines of a femboy because they wore a traditional chinese outfit that was not "manly" (basically, didnt stop where a normal shirt stopped. im not sure what it was called and google didnt really help...) during the same time, aj identified as transgender (i believe he still does, but i no longer interact with him) and said trans women werent women because they dont get periods???

on top of this, he would also publicly do nsfw things with the adults of the server (none of the chats were role restricted. this wasnt a thing until i became a server admin and then shut it down not even 3 weeks later) and would also share nsfw/18+ topics in the server. even after the "nsfw" chat was there (we were still figuring out how to restrict it [i was coming back from a 2 year internet hiatus]) the other adults still did things along the lines of erp. aj encouraged this behavior and eventually in his new server and was talking about these things with minors (aj is about 19-20)

so after a few months of off-and-on gathering evidence (what you have just read + plus screenshots) from numerous people from his server i post the thread, and almost instantly it got posted to his server. i have a friend in that server who ended up voice chatting with him and moto (who is under a different alias in the server) and aj is literally sobbing, threatening to kill himself, and has his entire family in his room who are all looking at the thread as well. they all basically say that he doesnt look too good in the screenshots and "what were you thinking talking to these people" type of situation. aj ends up deleting the server a few days later, messages undercover-moto that he isnt making anymore servers.

im wondering if i went too far? aita?

What are these acronyms?

[jacedified]

things i cant stop thinking about !!

most of this is going to imperium related so enjoy my brain turning mwah

also pls ignore my mid sentence rambling i have a serious problem

warnings: gore/mentions of death , violence , imperium , swearing :D , adult with internet access cant shut up

- yandere caller being a shade

(someone said this on a hc list and now im actively running with it)

- sams eyes being brown

(as a brown eye haver i know he misses them dearly and i wnna give him the worlds sweetest biggest longest hug)

- the idea of gavin “slicing” peoples threads for kody in imperium

(forcing my husband ((i need therapy im married to a fictional incubus)) to do such acts simply because you want to you sick freak ILL FUCKING KILL U- oh wait gavin already did xoxo kiss my ass from hell kody)

- the look on kodys face at the end of it all

(as previously stated i wanted that man dead.. i just wanna make sure hes actually gone yknow)

- what asher’s smile looked like when him and david were together (imperium)

(knowing that david was gone, hearing the random audience member asking for david to be alive and left alone in the first imperium video, knowing they were mates, knowing how heartbroken asher was after his death i just wanna see them happy maann ((it feels criminal to use emojis on tumblr)) 😭😭)

- if lasko calling freelancer “my dear” when you first met him in the haven was a sneak peek for his later ((is the word prime for like normal redacted universe characters i can’t remember, like prime lasko yada yada)) listeners name

- if no one was watching gavin WOULD HE HAD BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF IMP!HUXLEY???

(the amount of shit talking hux did when freelancer and gavin first get to the haven had me ready to fight in an instant ((it mightve just been my overwhelming adoration for gavin but still)) like he was acting like an annoying jock who gets a job as security for some fuck ass rich university and thinks hes on top of the world like dont piss me off huxley or damien gets it in the other universe so help me god)

- is anyone else as attracted to the tension between vincent and asher in imperium as i am..

(i have no words for how “yippee kicking my feet happy smiley kiss now kiss now what if u kissed rn” i was when asher and vincent are talking but also i feel like pet ((is that vincents listeners name or vegas I CANT REMEMBER PLS)) was behind a door listening in and getting jealous bc “that should be me holding your hand..”

… excuse the outburst)

- vampire milo.. thats all

(GAWD hes so hot like he always is and always has been but jesus FUCKING christ theres something about him having been a vamp did something to me that i cant even explain)

- what was avior saying to lasko to make him irritated with him..

(i mean yeah hes a yapper but i feel like it was just “hey we need help down here” and lasko rolling his eyes and waiting two weeks before actually doing anything)

- WHERE TF IS ELLIOT WHERE TF IS SUNSHINE CAN I BEAT BLAKES ASS??

- what would have happened had milo not broken the ward

(again someone else mentioned this ((i would tag them but it was 6hrs ago and i was just scrolling and reading)) and now i cant stop thinking about it)

- what is avior hearing in his last video

(its been a while since ive actually listened to aviors playlist again but there was a voice or sounds he was hearing after getting out of the meridian and its just been on my mind)

- gavin having a myspace account

(he would love myspace i just know he would and i feel like he’d be an avid tumblr user but like its just him posting his favorite pics of himself from the week and updates on whatever small pet him and freelancer would very obviously inevitably get bc he saw it in a pet store or on the street and couldnt resist)

- what happens when freelancer gets old..

(freelancer is just that.. a freelancer. they arent a vamp, or a demon, or even some secret third thing.. what happens to them and gav when they get old. have they had that talk yet? i shouldnt think about this bc it makes me spiral into a bucket of tears and sadness bc its the same thing with sam and darlin’ like we wont know what theyll do when their partners get old and they are still young and immortal.. sigh 😔)

- can i cut the meridian open with a knife if i tried?

(how thin is the meridian? how easy is it to access? how long would it take me to literally stab it open? ((i have serious issues)) )

- imp!damien..

(yea i have a crush on him or whatever nothing crazy)

- is the person asher catches in imperium baabe or is it just random listener #18683 ?

(obviously my first thought when i listened to imperium like a year ago i thought baabe nd asher would be together ((i was delusional and on an asher high)) but then when it was revealed that he and david were mates in that universe did that mean baabe just doesnt exist or are they the person that gets caught by him or again some secret third thing)

- what happens to angel in the mess that is imperium, honestly what happens to all the shaw pack listeners

(obviously sweetheart is left out of this equation bc them and milo are still happily obsessed with each other in every universe BUT angel, baabe, and darlin where yall at??)

- WHERE ARE THE AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE EMPATHY DEMONS IN IMPERIUM UNIVERSE??

(this just popped into my mind but WHERE IS MY SON?? what have u done with my son WHERE IS MY SON??!!?)

- is anyone else as obsessed with just erik and his mind?

(that handsome blessing to my youtuber universe.. i could listen to him babble for hours and will do so bc it feeds my “listening to nerdy man babble on abt his fixations” quota)

- what imperium versions of characters do people prefer over their counterparts

(personally i prefer imp! huxley, damien, and vincent over their prime versions ((still dont know if im using the term prime in the right context)) idk what it is but well i know what it is for huxley and damien but we dont need to get into why i dont like hux and dames rn :D but for vincent i just like seeing a different version of him i think.. hes so confident with his decisions, and knows what he wants in imperium i just want that for regular vince too.. sigh)

uhh anyways.. i think thats enough thinking for now, going back to sleep

stay safe out there

[kittycathat]

LGBTQIABCDEFJ is not real just stop. It's made up acronym that is rarely used outside of tumblr. Queer is not an identity its just an adjective. most intersex people explicitly state they do not consider themselves lgbt. Most lgbt people do not want to associate with aro and aces. And most lgbt in the real world living normal lives and not chronically online have little to no contact or knowledge of asexuals we literally dont care. Ur existence is so insignificant offline and if we ever met a self proclaimed aroace het cis man we would probably make sure we never had to associate with him again. Ur not gay just give it up and go live a normal life. Ur a single cis person. U either dont have the emotional capacity to love someone or u are sex repulsed and dont want to have a relationship with someone either way thats just normal and there are plenty of people like that we dont really care if u want to be alone all ur life just leave actual struggling gay people alone and shutup about ur stupid discourse no one cares except urselves.

That is true, the acronym is actually LGBTQIA (with variations,) not LGBTQIABCDEFJ. /sarc

but anyways hi anon! Theres a lot to unpack here

about "lgbtqia is rarely used outside of tumblr": that's the problem, bc we want it to be

about "its not an identity just an adjective": not quite sure what you're on, bc it literally is

about intersex people: this goes against what you just said, and supports that "queer" is an identity even more?? because these intersex people are choosing whether they identify as queer or not

about lgbtqia people not wanting to associate aro or ace people: bro if these are people you actually know irl, please find new friends. Find friends who actually support normal who are living their lives, just without romantic and/or sexual attraction.

about me being chronically online: anon.... i dont think you can talk after you typed out this whole thing as an attempt to make me feel bad... but ok. (also not very related but anonymous hate is a very very pathetic thing to do)

about asexuality being not well known: Also not sure what rock you live under but asexuality is pretty well known??? like the average person (at least where i live) will most likely know what it is.

about cishet aroace men: .. ok but why would i not want to associate with him? plus everyone lgbtqia is "self proclaimed" so idk bro

about not having "emotional capacity": bro what the hell do you want me to do,, i've literally never felt romantic attraction in my life

about "there are plenty of people like that": People might not want to be in romantic relationships for a number of reasons, but if it's because they don't feel romantic attraction... then they're aro-spec. Thank you for supporting the aro community by saying it's normal <333

about "we dont really care if u want to be alone all ur life": bro its the internet if you don't like what i'm talking about just SCROLL

about leaving "actual struggling gay people" alone: .. when did i do anything against gay people? Plus if you're trying to stop hate... why did you anonymously send a literal hate essay to me

about "ur not gay just live a normal life": omg you got something right!! i'm actually not gay!! (so proud of you <3) Also i do live a normal life, i am so basic you can't even imagine

about no one caring: well you see.. thats the problem. that's part of why i post about aromanticism, because i want people to be actually supportive

anyways! tysm for reading all that. please be civil in comments, and be kind to everyone guys <3

[beneathashadytree]

I have an idea (based in real life, dont judge me).

Mc is too shy to finally have her first time with her boyfriend, so always things get spicy she try to dodge it (like "whoa look at the time IbetterGo,LoveYouBye"), after all she is a 23y old virgin who never even kissed someone before bc she was the school loser and had a hard time to approach ppl even for group work, so she doesnt know how to do the thing without shaking and want to throw up, its even worst they already have previous experience with it, she fears being a disappointment. The lads notice shes seems to be avoiding it and the intrusive thoughts tell then bad things (like that she doesnt want them and all), so they text her to talk about it (and maybe when they know they try to make her feel loved?).

It may seems strange its just that i dont have anyone to talk about it, and all media just make stories about "normal" girls that are bold, confident, and have cool friends and family like a normal person and experience things at a normal age without being afraid to even talk. Sometimes i dream that i have a nice boyfriend full of love (like the lads) and my "strangerness" inst a problem, you know?

(To anyone else reading this, my requests are still closed!! These are just old requests I had in my inbox🫶🏽)

Hi nonnie!! This is a very personal and heartfelt request you’ve sent in, and I am honored that you chose to confide in me.

I just want to let you know a few things, before I link the SMAU. First off, there is absolutely no need to feel like you have to fit in with the people around you when it comes to your sexual life. And there is no shame in being a virgin with no experience, I in fact embrace it as much as I can!! We’re not in a race to prove to others how action-packed our personal lives are. It all comes down to your own comfort with acts of sexual intimacy. That’s more important than anything else.

Secondly, please take the media you consume with a grain of salt, because they tend to represent only what they feel like representing at the moment. It’s a fickle industry, and capitalizes off of women’s insecurities by highlighting how they are “lacking” or enforcing standards for society to accept them. You are certainly not obligated to follow any bullshit they tell you you should do as long as it doesn’t make you comfortable.

The right person who loves you will absolutely respect your boundaries and never question them. They would only want to better understand you, so they can ensure that they’re making you feel as safe as can be. You’re not “late” at doing anything, you’re going at your own pace—which is the perfect pace made just for you!! We all go at different speeds. No two people are the same.

Sex positivity means two things: not slut-shaming people who are sexually active, and no looking down on people who are abstinent. For whatever reasons you choose your lifestyle, it’s your own and you should be proud of it. Please don’t force yourself to take more than you can bear mentally and physically🙏🏽

I posted the SMAU over here, and I hope it does your request—and your personal experience—justice💗💗💗💗

[11queensupreme11]

QUEEN ITS LIKE 2AM HERE, AND I CANT SLEEP CUZ YOUR NEWEST CHAPTER IS STRESSING ME TF OUT STOPP 😭

When i read the TWs, my eyes literally bulged out hahwhwjwk

As a hard core posy fan, i was fed the finest of feasts this chapter <3 lol i already know pillow-humper, skin-licker, daughter-lover, vouyerism-fetishizing, daddyseidon is a bit freaky but aint no way his first major fatherly disciplinary action is TO SPANK HER, and mf was smirking too 😭

this is even more wild to think abt considering that blud has never had a child to discipline before, so im pretty sure this scenario was floating in his crusty ass mind for a while and now hes finally had the chance to act on it

Another thing, i thought the whole ichor tasting scene was the cause for the cannabilism TW and i was like oh ok 🙂 and then my jaw dropped 😭😭 BEELIE 😭😭

I was a beelcy stan from the very beginning. Still am. But his recent actions — him just not saying that he fcked up and shouldnt have made that deal w loki, his newfound jealousy and rage against anthonious (leave him alone, he sounded hella cute in that pov and in his other interactions w our loser stop😔), and lastly WHAT HE DID TO MIMIR theres no going back 😭 i feel like all the love ur giving to beel this act 1 is like our hook but then youre gonna make him such an unhinged and even hateable yan (tbh u've been hinting at that a loooong time ago but my delulu ahh kept coping, correct me if im wrong, yes im still coping). Like i have this feeling that by the end, beels gonna be one of the people percy would start to hate a lot, maybe even the most cuz, while i havent read or watched pjo, i know that his character has a lot to do w loyalty as a trait. This then gives way for other yans to swoop in and get close to her, i see you author 😡.

Sooner or later, all of beels advantages will be stripped away from him: (1) him not being related since now theres anubis and loki, (2) his knowledge of her identity/being someone she can talk to without having to be careful with her words, since loki already knows and eventually everyone else will know, (3) her friendship w him/the trust that he'll have her back because my god he keeps fucking up and all his problems will blow up sooner or later cuz he keeps bottling it up, (4) the possibility of maybe having a normal relationship w her since mimir squashed that down. There could be more but im too braindead to think rn

You're honor, i cant defend him no more 😭

As a beelcy fan, im rolling on the floor, puking tears. But as someone who has been craving apollo and hades, and is currently warming up to loki, im so 💙💙💙

Im supposed to be asleep so i can continue drawing later, but then you dropped this nuke on me and i dont know what to do w my thoughts 😞

"pillow-humper, skin-licker, daughter-lover, vouyerism-fetishizing, daddyseidon is a bit freaky but aint no way his first major fatherly disciplinary action is TO SPANK HER, and mf was smirking too 😭"

pls i'm crying at the names 😭😭 poseidon's no longer the god of the seas or god of gods, he's just.... pillow-humer, skin-licker, daughter-lover, and vouyerism-fetishizer LMAO I CONSIDER THAT AS AN UPGRADE 😂😂😂😂😂

and yes daddyseidon has been WAITING for the moment to finally 'discipline' her 💀💀 he just didn't think she'd try to risk her life for it, but whelp, she's okay now so he can spank her for it later 😂😂😂

and as for beelie.... 😔

oh beelzebub, whatever are we gonna do with you 🥲

for your sake, everyone should keep their expectations for beelzebub low. i mean technically, you should do that for all the yans, but beelzebub ESPECIALLY 😂😂

[abysshare]

Normally i don't do this because like. While I'm well aware i can have my own opinions, i still don't want to make anyone feel bad for me being a disliker ( maybe hater? ).

Spoilers / talking about the new Venom movie below. If you liked it I'm glad you did! If you want to explain in why in comments, feel free! /genuine

I'll start with: i had a bad-ish day so maybe everything soured my mood and i wasn't ready i. The end. I also picked the wrong ticket and had to watch it in 3D < not a 3D fan due to being sensitive to flashing lights.

What i did like:

Implications of being bonded since v1

Knull ( surprisingly, i hate the comic story though I'm gonna be so real. But its been awhile since i looked up the plot/story ).

Agony and the Christmas themed Symbiote

Horse.

Dancing.

The blue symboite and that fire symbiote ( so pretty?? I loved the different powers and such. I want to draw both of them ).

The symbiote hunter, shes gorgeous.

What i Did NOT like:

Toxin being erased entirely.

They killed of Carnage and Cletus in 2 so this whole thing flopped without them IMO

You can see where Disney or Sony whoever wanted this or that but when Tom or whoever didn't want it, it got scrapped and had messy left overs.

Too much action and too much comedy ( the dancing was fine, but the hippie family deal went on a bit too long imo ).

Why was Agony introduced but not the other three? Specifically Scream at least?

Knull having his own thanos moment for sony, a spin off or whatever they're doing.

Eddie's ENTIRE attitude.

That Montage was ASS. Hate that song too.

Too much going on imo

I would have loved to have a genuine queer moment, a kiss, a "i love you", literally anything. I can MAYBE understand if they tried but Sony or Disney said no ( fuck them ) but still. And no i was one of the few that hope there wasn't fucking or kiss with HARD tongue ( i am ace and also these two are my dads to me, it would've been awkward ). Yeah i see some people saying "Its textual" !!!

Yea sure thats nice but aren't you tired? It doesn't have to be queer baiting but like. I'm so tired.

Even if you remove that um? Its not.. that great.

I'm WILLING to watch it again and read positive sides. Because my mood just may have soured.

i think my biggest issue if i take everything away what i just said, is Eddie just going back to being annoyed at every little thing Venom does or wants. ITS OKAY to be concerned about being found by the hunter, but even before then hes just so done. And even during? He should've been concerned. Or Yeah he CAN be annoyed / irritated, but it should be with care. This felt like he was back to thinking of Venom as a tumor, something he just needs to get rid of.

It was vastly upsetting as someone who has partners. Like.. it would be okay if this was the second or first- but it isn't!!!!! And yeah couples fight, but they didn't even do that. Couples have disagreements! But they didn't even talk it out or anything.

Also like? One of my things that bugged me was, when Eddie was complaining about his feet, and we knew Venom couldn't fully take over..... why didn't Venom just yk. Cover his feet for him and walk? That would have been a subtle sweet gesture while they could've still been bantering and so on.

If they had like. Argued, fought, had an emotional moment at the end, Eddie was upset he never got to apologize- i could see it. But thats another thing- he wasn't even THAT upset...

Its fine to not be a super empathetic person, fuck i dont always cry appropriately either. But he didn't show Nothing and not in a "i'm a no empathy person" way.

Idk!!!!!!!! My brain is scrambled.

People have said a lot of what i have problems with already but idk i just!!! Feel the need to put it out there.

Also i missed the second end credit scene :,)

Note: I'm not angry or completely a hater. More so neutral and not a huge fan of some things.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hii Cas!!! This is bagel anon. Andd

I've kinda gotten the sleep situation under control but I can't help put off sleep even if I have nothing to do. I have this anxiety about sleep cause I overthink a lot and all of my most horrible moments always come just when I have to go to sleep. Which is very annoying cause my mood goes downhill pretty quickly and when it does, I feel like the worst ever. Then I overthink some more and even if I go to sleep at atleast 10, I might as well fall asleep at 12.

Also I've kind of recovered from the burnout too? For past 2 days, I've just... not been studying much and honestly it feels so good to lay off for a bit and relax. I'm still procrastinating a lot and my stomach ache hasn't gotten better but I managed to start my math worksheet and I'm so glad! There's still so much work left but my school teachers are so nice. I felt sick once and asked to put my head down and my math teacher agreed and asked if im okay now. It was pretty small but it made me feel so nice for some reason.

Also my mom and I had a talk and she hasn't been saying so much about how lazy I am. I haven't properly talked to her about the stuff she says and how it hurts me a lot and honestly I have no idea how to because I suck so much at confronting problems. I once told her that I didn't like how she always comments on how fat I look (even tho i look decent) and I get how she has a lot of insecurity from being obese herself but she's always pushing this insecurity on me and I hate it so much (she still says it sometimes). Its made me so bitter towards her sometimes and even me. And even though she looks out for me a lot and understands I'm having a bad day, she never understands her own mistakes and i just snap at her so much nowadays which makes me feel like shit. She acts like I'm the worst person ever now even tho she doesn't realize how she is like. Taking a break with my door closed is useless cause she'll just come in randomly and start giving me lectures so i normally lock my door and just lay down and read something (normally with a excuse that I'm changing clothes or smth). But she screams so much if I lock my door. She never acts on it but it makes me so scared of locking it.

But other than that, my studies are almost complete and that makes me feel so happy. My best friend had gone on a trip for a week and normally we dont talk about deep stuff, just basic 'so whats up' (we travel together to school and live in the same area) but her presence makes me feel really calm so thats really nice too. And the rain is sooo much and the roads are literally flooded but damn do i love rain.

Soo anyway, tysmmm for the advice, it really helped to hear someone say I need to relax cause i really really did. I hope you have a wonderful dayy!!!

On a side note, Good luck babe by Chappell Roan is so good. Its literally on repeat in my mind!

Hi hon! I’m glad you’ve gotten a chance to relax a bit!

First, would it help to know that just closing your eyes and resting has been scientifically proven to be almost as helpful as actually sleeping? I know for me, I used to stress so much about sleep- “OMG I only have 6 hours to sleep. Well now I’ve been stressing and I only have 5.5. And now only 5. And so on…”

But if you just close your eyes and breathe it has almost the same benefits. It really helped me relax when I go to bed.

Also what your mom is saying to you is not okay and I’m so glad you realize that. Whether or not you are overweight (it shouldn’t matter) she shouldn’t be making comments like that. Being overweight doesn’t make people look “bad” and the way your mom is pushing her insecurities on you is super hurtful. I’m glad you know that she’s doing that, and your weight and your looks are separate from her. I’m sure you slay every outfit ❤️

Agreed, Chappell Roan is the loml

[beesmygod]

do you mind talking about what made effexor so bad for you? also where can I read about this streamer fake death lol

all the stuff on thedarkid is on SA in the sagas thread lol. i would prefer not to post a link bc the quality of new posters is at an all time low on that website and i dont want to contribute to the problem.

AS FOR EFFEXOR: i am prefacing this with the fact that this is my personal experience as a result of my body chemistry. effexor might work for some people with different body chemistry. my suggestion would be to try everything else first before resorting to this one and to be ready to feel really, really bad when discontinuing it.

i got off effexor because the negatives of taking it finally outweighed the positives and the problem i had been taking it for was no longer relevant. this will make me sound ridiculous so keep in mind i took crazy meds for this exact problem, but after we bought and moved into the house, i started having nightly panic attacks and weeping fits over both the decadence of my new non-renter lifestyle (which was materially going to impact the quality of my work and how i viewed reality) and the fact that i had taken a really big step toward commitment without having resolved the source of my deep social anxiety. i could realize how i was behaving and reacting was not normal and until i could get a therapist to address it, i was going to have to put a bandaid on it.

effexor flattened my emotions and my affect lol. this is really, really good for when you cannot reach a baseline of normality. this became bad when that flatness turned into apathy and started sliding into my day to day life. doing basic household chores became a daily struggle. then i started not making my deadlines on time because i completely lost the will to draw, which actively began to terrify me. and then once i started struggling to bathe and brush my teeth i was like "okay. something is really really wrong". so then i started the process of getting off.

that's the broad overview. i did not realize the extent of the damage it was causing me until i started getting it out of my system:

my sleep schedule was destroyed bc it gave me terrible insomnia.

night sweats. NIGHT SWEATS.

theres been a rash on my face for over a year that ive thrown EVERYTHING at to try to get rid of, thinking it was anything from lupus to a yeast infection. it turns out its just caused by the pill. it goes away when theres less in my system o_o

my lip was also split for a year. my gums were covered in sores. and the inside of my nose felt like someone put a weed whacker in there and sliced it up. huge scabs. constantly in tiny flecks of pain. miserable but not unbearable, you know?

pussy felt like sandpaper.

i didnt even notice this until later but it also made me fail to derive pleasure from the touch of another person. but like i wanted to. if someone held me or squeezed my hand it felt almost painful. shit made no sense but you just think "this isnt how its supposed to feel? whats wrong with me?". but like that's over. it stopped. it feels good again.

food tasted bad. and i dont mean no flavor i mean BAD. i say this a lot but i cannot understate how fucked it made my palate. its normal again thank god. i have a bag of coffee that tastes different depending on when the last time i took a pill was. i spent the last year complaining about how bad processed food tastes now like all companies decided to make their product bad instead of something being wrong with me specifically. but when adam's cooking started to taste bad i was like "wait. what? thats not possible". lol thanks honey for helping me realize....

this one is really weird: it would cause specific parts of my body to feel stiff. the worst and most chronic part was the small of my lower back, which felt pulled taught so tight it was uncomfortable. then it spread to the fingers of my right hand, causing me to have to stop every few minutes and scrunch my fingers to try to alleviate it. this symptom only returns after i take a dose now. it makes me thrash like a fish trying to get comfortable at night

[itsraining-honey]

its the second anniversary of my type 1 diabetes diagnosis.

i know i dont NEED to write these out, who wants to relive bad experiences, right? i like writing these because i can reflect back on the two years ago today when i was in the hospital and see how much i've grown from then.

this happened way before i've gained new friends and followers, many are in the dark of what happened. short story, i was sick and now have a life long condition.

its extremely serious. everyone hears diabetes and goes "its all that sugar". in some cases but not all. well, now i NEED all that sugar to live.

two years ago, the week of halloween, i was extremely sick. i didn't know why. i thought i had gotten COVID at first but i realized it wasn't really a respiratory problem so the next conclusion was the flu.

unbeknownst to myself, my mother, and brother, i was dying for a whole week. my pancreas failed, shut down and i was dying. my bathroom floor would have been where i died if i never went to the hospital. on november 1st, i was told what was happening to me. i was in DKA and needed to go to the ER immediately.

i had no idea what DKA was. for those who don’t know, it stands for diabetic ketoacidosis. i was mostly throwing up, trying to rest (which i hadn't for an entire week/ ended up hallucinating on halloween night after everyone went to bed which i find highly ironic lol), and drinking up as much water i could.

my stay in the hospital was filled with agony, lessened from the medications and insulin they gave me. at that point, i also found out i had air in my chest due to a hole in my esophagus from throwing up constantly and violently. it was scary.

at some point, i knew i was gonna die. i was scared at first. my mom had me shower and i couldn't even move. i couldn't get up. i was so shaky and light (again, ironic since im a fat girl). when i was in the shower, i sobbed and sobbed over the past. my relationship with my father, my friends and my family. i couldn't take it.

when we got to the hospital, i accepted i was gonna die. i was so sure of it. and then i didn't. i survived and i am continuing to survive. no matter how high my blood sugar will spike from eating or when i'm fixing a low, i think back to that week and think about how proud i am.

there are points i want to give up. throw the towel in and throw away my insulin, my CGMS, my pumps, all of it. i want to give up all the time. i want to stop taking insulin and just be normal, like i used to be. now having this condition, i don't want to be normal anymore. it took me a long time to accept my diabetes, it's apart of me now and i've learned it up and down, side to side and in reverse.

no one understands diabetes like someone with diabetes and even then, everyone else's diabetes is different. somedays are bad, somedays are good.

i'm happy to be alive. i'm happy to be online and still making art, listening to new albums, reading comics, making new friends on tumblr and twitter, seeing my oomfs talk about huntress or just their interests in general.

i am SO happy to be here and experience my life past 17. i'm 19 now and got to experience halloween and fall again for the second time without dying. so thats cool :D

thank you for reading and being here along with me on my journey, my friends💜