#if you feel unattractive or ugly or not confident just say that

[snoopybutch]

Thin ppl calling themselves fat to mean ugly in the year of our lord 2024. . . Give it a rest my god.

[vroomvroomwee]

Goddamn all of you lovely Good Omens artists are fucking incredible do you know that? And I don't just mean the skill and talent and range you all possess in drawing cute adorable comics all the way to renaissance masterpieces because I won't be able to shut up if I start talking about that.

No, I mean who you are as PEOPLE.

You are all absolutely wonderful. Every single piece relays the refreshing and comforting views and opinions you have as well as your kindness. Drawing Aziraphale chubby and big but as well as soft and sexy and desirable and magnificently ETHEREAL. It has made me love my belly and thighs. It's made me view them as adorable and cute. The utter ADORATION you have for Crowley's nose. I went from despising mine (which is slightly crooked) to flaunting it and being PROUD of it. Because, guess what? ITS FUCKING CUTE.

As a result of all the love you all show towards these characters and the traits that society would call "unattractive", the ones that people should be ASHAMED about and try to hide, I have genuinely started to love my body. Traits that would cause me to feel inferior and pathetic are now causing me to feel giddy and affectionate towards myself. Went from "ew" and "uhhgg" to "tehe" and "eee" every time I look in the mirror.

If there's anyone that feels that their art isn't being appreciated, therefore that means they aren't good enough, I want to remind you that there's probably a person out there somewhere, too shy to like and reblog, who accidentally stumbled upon it and now has a smile on their face. There could also be another individual at a different corner of the planet who comes back to your art when they feel down and need some comfort and happiness, their confidence receiving a momentanious boost, and to be reminded how lovable and worthy they are.

And what's even more amazing is how we don't have this revelation: "My body/face is ugly, but I love it anyway." NO!! It has the "My body is a body. I'm human. There's no such thing as an ugly body. " And that's so so so so important.

People always talk about how Good Omens completely warps your view of gender and sexuality and makes you realise how abstract they both are. But it also has that effect for bodies and facial features.

Changing your opinion and feelings on something doesn't usually happen in the blink of an eye like they depict it in the movies where the characters have this memorable dramatic revelation. In real life, it happens gradually. Because we're human, and we need time to process things. So the Good Omens artists doing this to so so so many of us is incredible because they pop up these gorgeous pieces of art constantly. Over and over and over and over, and it's such a breath of fresh air and freedom from being suffocated by the media and society everywhere you go. And I say this with 100% seriousness, Good Omens has some of the most wonderful people in its fandom.

[icanseethefuture333]

Random ass question, but what do you think is the best way for a 4/10 girl to become at least a 7 out of 10? I’m aware that “beauty is subjective” but I’m literally below average, 4/10 is being lenient for me lol

How to have confidence in your physical appearance 🎀

First of all sweetie,

let's not rate ourselves on a scale about how pretty we are! It's really degrading and I feel like you deserve so much better than that. Living in a generation where filters are oversaturated, people using AI to edit their photos, and incels with porn addictions and have never felt the touch of a woman, will call the most beautiful girl "mid". It's so understandable why one's self esteem can feel low at times. You need to change the way you talk about yourself (especially me). Beauty always start from within - as redundant as that sounds. You can't feel pretty if you're not focusing on the reason why you feel this way. A pretty soul (and self concept!) makes a prettier face. Moving on, let's get into the actual tips of a glow up 💖

Let's address the elephant in the room 🐘: you're not ugly, just acting pitiful

Have you ever wondered why you have seen those people who are considered "unattractive" or "unconventionallly pretty" by others be in successful relationships or popular with their peers? It's because they have confidence. Have you ever been attracted to someone that may not necessarily fit the beauty standards or be considered a jaw dropping model, but you thought they were cute anyways because of their personality or charm? That's exactly what I mean. You can be a pretty face or have a nice body, but have terrible self esteem. Living in California my whole life I come across this everyday. There is plenty of beautiful people here, but there is also a lot of people with no sense of humor and no offense, but have no personalities. In other words, you can be attractive, but superficial and boring.

To feel beautiful or more like a "10" even on your worst day is mainly having a good self concept. You need to think with the mindset of "I am the baddest bitch even on my worse days and nobody can make me feel different about that, not even me." Our concept can be changed, reshaped, rebuilt, morphed, etc, into any way we want it to be. Our self concept and dominant thoughts are created by our previous past experiences and what people have told us what we are. For example, if you were bullied in your youth and somebody picked on you for your features. Why would you give a fuck about what a bully thinks??? A person who humiliated and traumatized someone at a weak point in their life does not matter. Their opinion, their actions, their thoughts - doesn't matter. You can change yourself anytime you want, we are animals, we are literally mean to be apart of this cycle called life and our habits, attitudes, opinions, etc, can change at any moment. We are meant to grow and adapt. You get to decide who you are, what you feel, and how you wish people to perceive you. Nobody else. So when you repeatedly say things to people like "I'm not beautiful", they're gonna get tired of it honestly and be like "Yk what damn bitch I guess you are ugly!" because it gets tiring to hear someone complain about the same thing even when they just reassured them (again, I'm guilty of this too). So when you depend on someone to make you feel good about yourself, that's just codependency. You are also giving them the power to manipulate you. Don't do that. Be free and be independent, love yourself. It's your self esteem and you cannot be dependent on anybody else to fill that void you have within yourself.

As Katt Williams said, "It's the esteem of your motherfucking self!"

Why it's not your fault you don't 'feel" pretty

Like I said above, you are most likely a product of your surroundings. Most people are not raised by their parents to have good self esteem or to teach them how to be confident or emotionally secure. There are many environmental factors to insecurity and that it is okay if you are never 100% feeling confident about yourself. People in the media construct this ego to seem "cool" and act conceited as a way to avoid being seen as weak to society. You can be confident and also have insecurities. Confidence is just about being secure with the essence of who you are and setting boundaries when necessary with other people when it comes to that. A confident person doesn't tolerate disrespect.

"Conceited" or confident?: how to avoid confusing the two

I think the most irritating thing to me that is normalized these days is narcissism and conceited people. People will literally act boastful and cocky then say "I'm just confident". Behaving like a narcissist or saying that you are one is not cute and never will be because it's literally a personality disorder, a mental health condition. Everytime I hear this it makes me want to roll my eyes so far back into my head. Try to avoid being this person with a "God complex" because there's a difference between a person who is being loud and fake with "confidence". A real confident person makes moves in silence and is genuine with themselves. If you have to brag or put another person down to feel like hot shit, then you're not a confident person, period.

Tips to enhance your beauty

As I said before anon you are already a 10 in my eyes, but I understand how it feels to not feel pretty at times and we all have our days when we are looking "rough". Here are some self care tips I do that helps me feel pretty and pampered physically ✨️

Get some beauty sleep! This is not just a saying. When your body has time to rest it gives you time to reset & have more energy for the next day. Getting plenty of sleep helps prevent dark circles & puffy eyes as well. If you struggle with falling asleep spray lavender pillow spray, drink tea, or play asmr/soothing sounds.

Skincare & hygiene, this is such a crucial step that everyone should practice in their daily lives. All of us have different skin textures and when we neglect our skin it causes a dry, oily, or bumpy surfaces. Now skin texture is totally normal but if you notice the days where you are not washing your face frequently enough, your skin either looks dull, dirty, or you experience more pimples / acne breakouts. Not to mention how dirty we feel when our body is projecting a certain odor. You don't need to have an extravagant routine, but at least try to have about 4 hygienic products (soap, deodorant, lotion, & body spray/prrfume) and 4 skincare products (facial cleanser (I recommend double cleansing!), serum, SPF/Sunscreen, & face lotion).

Mirror work, saying affirmations in the mirror has proven to be helpful for people's self esteem & feeling more confident with their physical appearance.

Change your wardrobe! Start dressing for your body type & how your ideal self would. It might feel uncomfortable at first but you will feel so much more beautiful! You could try finding videos on tiktok of people with your body type to help (for example, if you are plus sized, you could search your desired aesthetic & find people with the same shape as you).

Detox from social media 📱, learn when it is time to take a break from your phone & engage with the real world. Scrolling for hours on your phone can be really harmful especially if you're reading negative comments or watching videos that are self depreciating.

Follow people who uplift you, not tear you down. If you are following people who obviously are negative or affect your self esteem somehow, then you do not need to be supporting them.

Make appointments! Whether that is a doctor appointment or lash, nail, or hair appointments. Take care of your mind, health, and body. You could ask your doctor what vitamins you should take or also seek a counselor/therapist to find the root of your insecurities in a safe place. Also sometimes just getting my hair or nails done makes me feel more confident!

Learn to treat yourself. Buy yourself flowers or a gift you always wanted but never received. This could be anything, it doesn't necessarily mean to spend money. For example, cooking your favorite food, having a lazy day, etc. Remember that you deserve to be happy!

Lastly, beauty spells, glamour magick, and manifestation are popular methods for people who wish to enhance their physical appearance. I do all of these myself and I always feel so hot afterwards!

I hope you found these tips helpful beautiful ♡!

[wingsofimagery]

Face

✴ Summary: Seonghwa was in his dark times again. Thoughts that should not cloud his judgment roamed rampantly in his mind. A horrible mind game that only could be cured by your reassurance. ✴ Characters: Seonghwa x Reader ✴ Genre: Angst w/ Comfort ✴ Rating/Warnings: General/SFW ✴ Word Count: 758 ✴ A/N: I'm a constant liar but I did start writing that TA!Sehyoon. Just needed this one out before this account goes dead again. Writing long stories really isn't my forte...

Mingi had informed you of how Seonghwa’s mood has been drastically low lately. You decided it was high time to get him out of his slump. According to your books, one can only be left to their demise for so long. You knocked on the door softly to announce your entry to him. Silence greeted you, but you saw his hunched-up back. 

“Seonghwa,” you called out to him with a reserved gentleness.

You got no response, so you tried again, only to get an acknowledging grunt from him. You sighed with resignation and plopped yourself down on the bed. He remained resilient, not letting you see him as he tilted his body away from your direction. 

“Park Seonghwa, tell me what’s wrong,” you pleaded.

You wrapped your hand around his wrist and tugged on it in futile. You were beginning to feel frustrated. You only wanted to comfort Seonghwa in the same way he does for you. What is a relationship without mutual giving and taking?

“Look away,” he finally whined.

“What?”

“Look away,” he repeated, “I don’t want you to see how ugly I am.” 

Your heart broke in an instant. 

“What are you on about? Who called you ugly?” “I did.”

You crossed your arms over your chest.

“And why is that?”

He was quiet again.

“Look at me, my star.” 

He finally removed his hands from his face, turning to face you. You brushed his hair out of the way, then knelt on the bed to hug his head to your chest. “No one is allowed to say mean things about the love of my life, not even the person himself.” 

“I’m only speaking the truth,” he muttered against your chest.

You pulled him away and cupped his cheeks. Your eyes stared dead straight into his, causing a shiver to run down his spine. He could see the passion in your eyes.

“Have you ever heard of the saying: the current face you have is the face of the person you loved most in your past life?” 

“But this is my first life,” he replied with a pout on his lips. 

You heaved a sigh. 

“Okay, so when I reincarnate, I’ll be born with your face. Does that mean I am unattractive?” 

He rapidly shook his head in denial.

“You’re anything but. You’re beautiful inside out; you can make my face work on you, my love. You’d look good with any face.” You sighed, resting your forehead against his. " But that’s how I feel about you. You’re so ethereal inside and out. You don’t realize it, but I’m here to remind you just how truly amazing you are. The way you see me is the same exact way I see you. The higher being in charge of creating you sure took their sweet time to make you perfect because it’s unfair you are the way you are.” 

He chuckled sadly, his eyes downcast to avoid your loving gaze. The confident persona was nowhere to be found, clouded by murky clouds of doubt. The shine was completely blocked out by a curtain of unease. Your lips pursed in response. His sadness flowed and struck deeply into your heart. Nevertheless, you refused to give up on him.

“Although the rain likes to ruin your peace, I, the sun, will always peek out to shine on you. What I’m trying to say is… Park Seonghwa, you are an angel. You have wings, but I think you shrunk them a little too much because you can’t even see them yourself anymore.” 

You knew he wanted to refute you, but he resigned his argument upon seeing the sparkles in your eyes. You were determined to show him his worth, so the least he could do was wholeheartedly accept your feelings and make them his own. 

You affectionately pecked his nose, to which he chased after you fruitlessly for a kiss on the lips. You laughed breathlessly at his desperation. A thumb reached up to graze against his lips before you leaned in to kiss him. You poured your love into the kiss, hoping he could feel even a portion of your ever-flowing adoration for him. 

Once you pulled away, you tapped his nose with your index. 

“I love you to infinity and beyond; remember that, Park Seonghwa,” you declared.

Seonghwa smiled and nodded, “I truly, deeply love you.” 

You giggled because while you made a Toys Story reference, he went and made his own Star Wars reference. Two loving dorks just sitting there basking in their affection for one another.

[cherilightt]

"being pretty is just a mindset" 𓆩♡𓆪

MANIFESTOR BY CHANCE, PRETTY BY CHOICE <3

- “you're here for a reason, you desire something for a reason; and that reason is because you know you can achieve it”

DECIDE YOU'RE PRETTY

look, life is all about your decisions.

for example

right now, you have two choices :

- either you read this post and DECIDE that from this moment onwards you are the version of yourself you want to be

- or you just read it for the sake of reading it, feel motivated for a while but don't give much thought to it and go back to being your old self with your old mindset

your future depends on your present choices, the thoughts YOU choose.

so, choose better thoughts; flip those negative thoughts around into something more desirable <3

instead of thinking you're unattractive or "not-good-enough" flip those thoughts around and start thinking better of yourself

you've seen those tiktok glow ups right?

if they can do it so can YOUU

LOVE YOURSELF

- yes, this sounds pretty overused and shi BUT just think of it? maybe you hate something about yourself right now, but you wouldn't hate yourself if you didn't have that thing right?

yes. start loving yourself the way you'd love the new post-glow up you.

because even though the new you would look 'physically' different, it's still YOU. not someone else, not anyone else's body, it's YOURS.

you can still love yourself while wanting to change yourself.

NO self depreciating jokes, pls

- the words that come out of your mouth are like affirmations, and their repetition can turn them into beliefs.

[ instead, if you want to make fun of yourself then do so by being 'sarcastic' ;)

for ex. let's say you want thick legs but your legs are slim, then infront of your friends you can go like "ohmygod look at my thick ahh thighs LMAO pixar moms who?" ]

don't miss any opportunity to affirm missy 🤭

PERSIST

- the biggest challenge people face whole manifesting is that they fail to persist. they'd spend the whole day affirming that they're the most attractive person on earth but a random person would walk by them and call them delusional, their confidence will shatter. they'd look in the mirror and see no change has taken place, then get frustrated and blame it on law of assumption ( "that taerii girlie lied to me ugh I still look the same this is fake 🙄" )

babe if you really believed you were pretty, a random person's remark wouldn't have affected you. imagine you're wearing a pink shirt and a guy says "your shirt is blue and ugly" you'd just stare at him like 😀? sir you blind or smth?

you wouldn't start questioning whether your shirt is actually blue, would you?

why wouldn't you? because you KNOW that it's pink. similarly, if you KNOW that you're pretty there's not a single person on earth who can convince you otherwise.

SELF CONCEPT

- in the end, it ALL comes down to your self concept. you NEED to work on your self concept and I EFFING GUARANTEE YOU that everything will fall into place. work on your self concept and watch your desires manifest in seconds ;)

***

change the way YOU view yourself.

do it for YOU. nobody else's opinion matters.

DECIDE you're pretty and stick to it.

with love,

Taerii

[lemmetreatya]

Reiner used to consider his nose ugly until you started dating. You gotta make sure he knows that broad, beautiful chiseled schnoz of his is one of his sexiest features.

being able to tell him everyday that his nose is one of his best features??? — i want that for me and my girls.

because after embedding him with confidence you’d deffo tell him to put it to good use iykwim. 🥴🥴

but ultimately i believe youd be able to instill confidence for himself in him because its not that he’s unattractive, but sometimes even the simple confidence in what you’ve been gifted with makes all the difference

Standing between the man’s legs, you couldn’t help but hold his cheeks within the cusps of your hands.

“Look up.” You quietly say.

Reiner follows your command but not without showing you he felt unsure of it by letting his fingers play with the squish of your hips. Endearingly running your thumb along his cheekbones, you bend down to plant a soft kiss to the curve of his nose.

“You gotta look after my seat and be kind to it, okay?”

The blonde abashedly laughed but you know it was out of humour of your words and not because he agreed.

“I’m being serious, you know!” You couldn’t help but softly laugh along with him but then straight after, planting another kiss.

Reiner took heed of your words but no longer wanted to be subject to them. Laying his face into the plump of your belly, he let a small sigh fall from his mouth.

“I know you’re just tryna make me feel good…” He started off with a rumble but you stopped him then and there.

Lifting his face up from your belly, you squished his face inwards.

“No. I’m not trying to ‘make you feel good’. Rei, you’ve got to have love for yourself and for what makes you you. It comes with great pleasure that I can try and make you feel good with nice words, sure. But what I’m saying isn’t just…’nice shit’, I’m talking truth.”

Automatically, Reiner makes the pout of a duck at you, concerning his face was already squashed into that position. You couldn’t resist but to lean down and kiss his pursed lips, and nose, before letting go.

“I believe you.” He begrudgingly says once his face is back into your stomach, but you pry for more.

“Do you? Or are you just saying that because you want me to stop?”

There was a soft pause.

Reiner grappled at your hips again before sombrely saying:

“I just want you to stop.”

You nodded, taking consideration of his words. If Reiner no longer wanted to hear certain things from you then you wouldn’t force it. However, he then mumbled something else against you.

“But… I know what you’re saying is good for me. So… continue reminding me. I’ll get there eventually.”

A smile automatically grew on your face.

Baby steps.

[ravenbloodshot]

Ji Chang Wook- Insecurities vs. Confidences

I saw in multiple interviews of JCW saying he doesn't find himself attractive so that's what inspired this reading

Insecurities

He may be insecure about taking photos/selfies. May feel awkward and uncomfortable at photo shoots, not really sure how to pose himself and show his best self

He might idolize men that have bigger muscles and abs, wishes he himself had them or just feels insecure being next to a buff man (I heard "wide shoulders" so that could be the thing he wants most)

He doesn't like it when his skin breaks out and he gets pimples, finds it to be very annoying to deal with and unattractive

He has problems feeling like a sunbaenim, he feels/acts too meek and humble around ppl in the industry, co stars etc.... So at times he thinks of himself as more of a rookie and not on the level of other prominent actors. The energy feels like he's seeing other actors act stoic, cold and regal (and he idolizes that) but he can't seem to turn himself into that kind of person, he's too personable and too much of a people pleaser to behave like the cold celebrity type. So he may feel like he's not on their level bc of this. Its basically imposter syndrome.

He's the type of person that if his life is going good, he would be waiting for the bad to show up.

When it comes to his looks, he's not particularly fond of the fact that he's considered a pretty boy mostly bc it messes with his acting gigs (aka his money). He's probably only seen as good for doing romance movies/dramas. Another thing is that he kind of focuses more on the negative vs the positive, meaning a million ppl in a comment section could be telling him he's god's gift to earth but one comment saying he's ugly could make him feel like shit.

His thoughts is his own worst enemy

In love: he fears coming on too strong. Which is a reasonable fear since I see he does come on too strong (too clingy and anal). Can be a bit much. He fears loving someone that doesn't love/want him. He fears being with someone that just wants him for clout or money

Confidences

He's confident about how pure and non corrupt he lives his life. He's not the type of celeb to get into scandals or be exposed for living a double life, he lives his life fairly and justly so he's confident in relaying that to the public and not feel like a fraud. I think he would be a guy that feels dirty/weird telling the public his life is happy or his marriage is happy when in reality its not.

He's proud of how far he's come without having to forget his morals or the people that have helped him succeed. He knows he's been through a lot, but now he's on top and he didn't have to do any grimy shit to get there

He likes how creative and ambitious he his. May still have a lot of goals/dreams he wants fulfilled not just in his career but in life, so he's confident that they can be fulfilled. Also, he likes that he still strives for more, still greedy for more even when he's accomplished so much. He still wants more. I wouldn't be surprised if he strives to win an Oscar (like most actors) but he more so gets a rush of adrenaline/passion thinking about him possibly getting such an award, it inspires him to keep going.

He trusts his intuition. Its steered him clear of a lot bad shit and close calls (its like if he was walking down the street absent mindedly and his gut just told him to cross the street and once he does a building collapses). He may have a strong intuition that has protected him from the worst of things that could've happened. So strong that even when he doesn't listen to his intuition, he listens to his intuition (if you get what I mean)

In love: he's confident when dealing with simple aspects of relationships like going out and conversing. He knows how to savor/cherish the simple things. He also does well not to go back to exes, for him, once the relationship is over....its over. There's no going back for him

Superstar by Lupe Fiasco is a song that fits this readings energy

[gemini-sensei]

I'm just gonna dump my thoughts here because I'm tired lol, but anyway

Shy!Eli having a crushing nerdy!Reader for a long ass time. He thinks that he's too ugly for her and that he could never be good enough for her. Even though they're on the same popularity and are generally overlooked by their peers. He can't talk to her, doesn't know how, so he stays away. He has no idea she likes him too, but she's too shy to say anything.

Then he flips the script and becomes Hawk. He's cool, he's fearless, he's tough. But he thinks he has to have a hot girlfriend to stay popular. Reader isn't what everyone thinks pretty is, society says her extra fat is unattractive, her baggy clothes are too ugly, there's no way she can be what everyone else wishes she was. So he just steers clear of her, but he catches himself watching her from time to time.

Then this party happens and everyone who is anyone is going to be there. It's a typical high school party; loud music, alcohol, dancing too close and making out in corners. Reader isn't going to go, but Moon talks her into it. Moon and Yasmine give her a total makeover, her ugly ducking transformation if you will. Think Clueless, they certainly are.

So when Reader shows up to the party, she's a total bombshell. All her curves are on display and she's shyly smiling as people oggle at her. She's smoking hot and people finally see it. Moon and Yasmine drag her around, keeping skeezy guys away from her. They dance and laugh and drink, having a good time.

Eli sees her and can only stare. She notices and smiles at him, and he takes that as an invitation to talk to her. They're so chatty and they just keep getting closer and closer until he has his arm around her waist and she's pressed into his side. He's making her giggle and it's just so obvious how much they're into each other. They're bith just finally confident enough to do something about it.

"You wanna get out of here?" he asks, flashing her a bright smile.

She bites her lip, still a little shy but she's feeling good about herself. "Yeah."

[cowboyjen68]

howdy jen!

I’m a younger butch, 22, and i only recently came into this label in the past year or so. i cut my hair and started embracing myself and am so much better for it, but it’s also brought a lot of struggle. primarily, i have a really hard time feeling desirable. i don’t know if it’s something to do with where i am or just my age, but i feel like it’s so much harder to meet people who are into people who look like me. it’s hard to look visibly queer, and it’s hard to be masculine. a lot of the time i feel pride in my roll as a protector and safe person, but it becomes so exhausting when i never feel safe myself. when i never feel desirable. i wonder if this is a common thing amongst butches, and if so, how do i get past it?

You could be me talking when I was 23 and just coming out. My first thought, once I really realized that I was a bit different from many of my female friends, was “What lesbian is going to be attracted to me? Lesbians like other women and I kind of look like a boy”. I truly thought that my stature, the way I walked, whatever energy or movement got me consistently mistaken for a boy (or man) was the very reason why I would never find love or passion with whom I most desired, another woman. 

In college I toned it down, I kept my hair long with a sort of short in the front mullet. I wore generic jeans and a sweatshirt to try to be somewhat comfortable but also unremarkable in my clothing choices. Looking back it made no difference. I was clockable as a lesbian, and butch, long before I fully admitted who I was to myself. 

I felt unattractive. I refused makeup and more feminine clothing and convinced myself it was because I was a “feminist” or didn’t want to invite the gaze of men because I wanted to focus on college and not date. I just knew I would be alone forever (which sounded better than being with a man in any case) and no woman would look at me as anything more than a goofy friend. 

Years later, after talking to my old friends and nights chatting with my older lesbian friends in my early 20’s I realized we all shared very similar experiences. Very few women think of themselves as desirable to others. It was the rare one, usually traditionally attractive and outgoing, who had some idea that she was interesting to the opposite sex even if she had no desire for that. Most of us had this idea that we were just plain, or ugly or just not attractive, especially to the demographic we most wanted to desire us as a romantic partner. 

The fact is, many women have a similar feeling to what you are going through regardless of her sexual orientation. 

On to the good news. The greater Western culture tends to portray butches in the media either ugly and rude or stoic or as some perfectly physically fit woman who wears a sports bra to show off her muscles and is brimming with a snarky confidence. That is show biz and not real life. 

I hear young butch4butches and young femmes and garden variety lesbians lament all the time that they can’t find butches today. “Where have all butches that love being butches gone?”  they ponder. So as a butch there are plenty of women out there seeking you and wanting to see and meet you. 

We are quite visible and it is hard to hide our lesbianism when we are in public. And most of us don’t want to. We want to be comfortable as ourselves so we put on a stiff upper lip and go into the world looking as confident and sometimes as tough looking as we can muster. Once you meet the right friends and date a woman with whom you connect you will find a feeling of safety if you let it. Allow your friends to carry some of the burden. Listen to them when they say they have your back. Let the woman you are dating stand up for you and talk about how wonderful you are. 

Take a look at my tiktoks or posts here on tumblr and you will see that butches are loved and appreciated but a vast majority of the LGBT Community. 

Wear what makes you feel confident. Get out to events at the gay bar, concerts, even non profit fundraising events. Take the time to go to places that require you to dress up and put some effort into picking an outfit that suits you. Looking good can truly lead you to feeling good. You can boost your own confidence by getting a good haircut that you love, shining your boots and putting on some light cologne. The best way to get past the feeling of being inadequate as a dating partner is to get out and meet more women to befriend.  The more women you meet the more you can see you are not alone 

As you meet more people,  and form more community connections, you become more comfortable as yourself and you feel much less endangered in public. You learn that much or your fear is thinking others are watching you when in reality most people are just trying to get through their day. This is not to say it is not important to read your surroundings, it certainly is, but you will feel much more at ease if you feel confident in yourself.

[tracesofdevotion]

i met someone recently. i feel like if i was more outgoing or confident enough to start a conversation then we might’ve gotten along. she seemed like someone I'd sit with at a dinner party and laugh while people watched on in confusion, wondering if we were in some way flirting.

she had dark hair. she was pale. she looked like a forest witch. not in a sexy way. in a, "this person is not an animal, but she’s not fully human either," way.

which is not to say in anyway that she was ugly or even strange in an unattractive way. she looked so much like how the forest at night feels that being around her felt like having the moon on your skin.

she had a little mole beneath her nose and another on her lip. I wanted to press my thumb pad into her skin and draw out the imprint.

there’s so much i could say about how she looked but it all boils down to this: you see her skin. you see the veins and marks, you see the moles and the blemishes. you see this body that she inhabits with such beauty and force. it is hard to look at someone for the first time and already feel like you have known them for a hundred years.

there is this idea of a soul mate - it’s a romantic concept. it’s two people destined to be together, a concept usually reserved for love. I don’t think it’s about romance, though. i think our souls, the ones we have now and the ones that existed before and will exist after, are all soulmates. we are meant to inhabit the same place at the same time. she probably doesn’t even remember my name, but she is one of my soulmates. it doesn’t necessarily mean that i’m one of hers.

when i look at her I'm reminded of how temporary I am. i am a tiny ant in an ant hill, or a blade of grass. just a thing existing in a place and a time that will go on for thousands of years without me. how could i hope to have any impact?

she made me remember my mortality and in the same breath made me feel invincible.

[cosmicjoke]

I feel like you know Levi really well! I had a question about something in the anime.

When Zeke says something to Levi about being liked by ladies and Levi says “I was liked enough.” Do you think that means he’s dated/been with woman before? Or was he making a general statement about woman being interested in him? I HC that it means he’s dated before, he’s in his 30s and live in the underground and was in some ways a criminal I would think realistically he has been but I wanted your thoughts?

Hi there, and thank you very much! I really appreciate your kind words!

That's always an interesting question and something that's fun to speculate about. Everyone seems to have their own head canon's about Levi's love life, or lack thereof, since we don't actually get any information, beyond that one exchange he has with Zeke, about it.

I think you're probably right, though. Levi is obviously a grown man, and he's lived a life of many experiences, and while it's kind of sweet to think of him as being a virgin, I think it's just as likely that he's not. Though I will say that Levi is very... awkward, socially, haha. And so I can see him having maybe a difficult time really opening up to and involving himself with anyone on an intimate level. I think he would really have to trust the person, whoever they may be, to allow that sort of thing. It's also interesting, and I think important, to consider Levi's experience growing up in a brothel. This isn't something that gets talked about a whole lot, but Levi must have been exposed to some truly horrific and ugly things, being born into and raised in the type of environment he was. I doubt the brothel's in the Underground afforded any kind of real rights to their prostitutes, and Levi would have had to see his own mother likely terribly abused, sexually and physically. I think this probably would have a profound effect on him and his relationship with things like sex or physical intimacy. I think it's even likely that Levi may feel a real revulsion toward things like casual sex or promiscuous behavior. He doesn't strike me as the sort of person who would take sleeping with someone lightly, or treat it as something flippant. Again, I think it likely comes down to Levi needing to really trust the person before he would allow himself to get involved in that way.

There's also a small element of defensiveness to the way Levi answered Zeke's accusation about him not being popular with the ladies. That could either mean Zeke is right, and Levi hasn't ever had much success with things like dating or romantic relationships, or it could mean that he's wrong, and Levi's annoyed at him for even suggesting it. I mean, I tend to think Levi probably was fairly popular in the Underground, given his respected reputation and also his nurturing nature, the way he took care of a lot of young people down there. I think that would make Levi quite popular with women in particular, as they would see him as a strong provider and protector of people who need protecting. I think they would find that attractive, just naturally, beyond just the physical. Of course, Levi's petite stature is also a subject he seems somewhat insecure about, and that could be rooted in him having to contend with others making fun of him or belittling him for his height. We know Kenny sure as heck did, given what he says to Levi when they meet again during the Uprising arc, calling Levi a midget and all that. And being made to feel unattractive in any way by someone who's opinion you value, as obviously Levi did with Kenny's, would definitely pose an obstacle in terms of his confidence in his attractiveness.

Well, anyway, this is all just speculation, but I try to base it off of what we do know, and what we can safely assume. Hope that answers your question, and thank you for asking!

[clarification-sfw]

I love bocchi the rock but it DEFINITELY suffers from the shit that puts me off anime and manga in general. like can you stop giving the most contrived stupid ass excuses to get characters into maid uniforms or schoolgirl uniforms? like it's all good and fun but it comes out of nowhere and was clearly written with intent of the characters wearing that first, and then filled in mad libs style afterwards.

second thing is that I really really dislike that hitori is canonically conventionally attractive which is ughhhhhh. the reason she's "unattractive" at all is because she's overly shy, wears shitty clothing, and hangs out in trash cans. I really don't like the parts where people are like "dang she's hot in that outfit" but why? I feel like she should be scrungly and "ugly". I think that would help more with her gaining confidence, it's her talent and personality that catches the attention of other people NOT her looks. her wanting to be seen as attractive is literally the SHALLOW WANT that she had at the start. why tf would you directly give into HER FLAW? she should learn that her beauty comes from within or something.

this isn't to say I dislike it, I just wanted to get my frustrations about the manga out there. feel free to disagree as all this is subjective and just my opinion.

[jillaxkalangg]

i saw one of my friend's igs yesterday, she was sharing how hard it was to grow up conventionally unattractive and people calling you fat. although i didn't grew up feeling ugly just because i believe i am pretty (my first url has literally dyosa lol) BUT i grew up hearing words like "ang taba mo" or "ang itim mo" OK first of all, im so pissed with people (in general chz) who says maitim ako kasi hindi naman like mas maputi lang sisters ko sakin?? singit ko na rin dito yung mga hs bullies na calling other students na "maitim or blackie" when they are just moreno??? sobrang kakairita tbh hahahaha parang gago lang diba. anyway ayon, i grew up with the mindset that i am ugly because i am fat but looking back naman, i am not fat??? grabe ha yung pinagsasabi nyo sa jhs jill grabe hahaha i remember i can't even look at myself in the mirror because i hate myself. gago im just teenager during that time and all i heard was i am like a balyena (wtf now that i am remembering these memories, i wanna cri) also, i remember that one afternoon where i am just staring in the mirror while crying and cursing myself. oh my god, i am so sorry for my poor 14 years old self. i didn't know better :(

i remember skipping lunch and dinners, not eating rice, working out, running whenever i have time, and just purely crying because of how my body looks. fuck pcos and hormonal imbalance. its so hard to lose weight and i am really trying my best pls (until now ;_;)

it has been 10 years but still, this is my struggle. i still have days that i hate how i look and how my body looks. but i am more confident right now, i can now wear clothes i never knew id wear. hell i can now wear bikinis during beach trips. idk if i just force myself to be confident or it just happened. well, siguro isang factor din talaga yung wala na kong pake sa sasabihin ng ibang tao. like we only live once (sana once lang talaga), i don't want to regret the chances that i didn't wear what i want just because of some stupid idiots hahaha

i am taking care of myself. i still do work out but at my own phase, paiting some stuff for my peace of mind, and reading more books for my mental health. i am learning to love myself more even for days i couldn't.

[zoophagist]

ooc;; okay, so i saw 'dracula: a comedy of terrors" last night and the verdict is .... um, not awesome. i always hate to rag on live theatre because as a fellow theatre-maker i know how hard it is and even in a show like this that i didn't particularly like i still respect enormously the talent of the cast, techies, and creatives that brought it together. so it hurts to say this was ... kind of unpleasant, but i can't say otherwise when so much of the humor was just punching down, on women, on unattractiveness, on mentally ill characters... even in its wack victorian sensibilities i can really confidently say that the novel was kinder and more progressive than this was. more detailed thoughts below the cut.

the big "yikes" for me was the (mis)handling of crossdressing roles. there were two actors, a man and a woman, who largely crossdressed for their roles, the man played mina and van helsing (genderbent femme) and so much of the comedy around these characters was about how ugly they were, how unattractive, how masculine or disgusting, or stupid... it was really quite sad to watch for me (though i will say the audience responded very positively to this humor, which only made me sadder...) it was a lot of man-in-dress jokes layered into a lot of pseudo-misogynous ideas about femininity and desirability. and that was bad in its own way, but it was extra "yikes" when one takes into account that the crossdressing woman (playing the seward-esque character, the demeter's captain, and renfield) had no equivalently cruel humor. there were no jokes about how silly it was to see a woman in trousers, no jabs at being unmanly or unattractive. there was humor, but all coming from generally more plot-based veins. and putting these two portrayals up next to each other it was very clear that the humor was based on an idea of femininity as lesser-than, derogatory. when a woman dresses as a man, it's aspirational, it's smart, it's cool, etc., but when a man dresses as a woman it is humiliating, silly, sick. masculinity is valued, femininity isn't. and add in the ghost of transphobia directed at transwomen that i could feel just hanging over the whole mina & van helsing characters, and i hope it's not hard to see why i felt uncomfortable with the piece.

since this is the #renfieldzone i think it's also my duty to talk about how renfield was handled. and. i mean. he wasn't, mostly. he was there, and absolutely the only joke he ever got was the bug-eating. like damn, we couldn't even let him have birds or rats too, huh? this show was a super condensed version of the story so lots of characters were cut (rip arthur, quincey, and most of seward's personality) so honestly i'm a little surprised renfield was here at all. he was largely useless to the plot because the actress playing him doubled as the seward-type and therefore the latter's import to most scenes meant renfield couldn't be there. (but there were many very clever quick changes!) since the play was also just... so absolutely cruel and demeaning to mina, there was no space for any empathetic mina-loving redemption for renfield, so he really just seemed to be here because... well frankly because the writer clearly had a lot of jokes about insanity they wanted to include. not going to waste space talking about them all, just know it was, as said before, a lot of punching down. the only other interesting thing about this renfield is that he is shown to be zoöphagous before ever meeting dracula, so in the age-old debate of 'did dracula make him do it or is he just like that' this play came down firmly on the side of He's Just Like That.

you may notice i keep mentioning a 'seward-type' character and not just a seward, and that would be because the doctor placed in the vaguely seward-shaped hole in the dracula plot is really nothing like seward and indeed has a different name to boot. he's called dr. westenfeld, and if you're thinking 'hey that's kind of like westenra' then that might be because he's lucy's father in this retelling. and also mina's? mina and lucy are sisters now, i guess. and also, they're effectively role-swapped. lucy is jonathan's smart, brave, modern-thinking fiancée and mina is the one turned first by dracula. because this show is, again, ruthlessly cruel to mina, she has no suitors, no close bonds beyond lucy, and gets absolutely no respect.

but what about dracula? he's... well he's hot. and a little bit of a bastard. and that's about it. no hairy palms, no crawling in his lizard fashion, barely any on-stage blood. honestly i have very little to say about him other than that i find it a little hard to swallow just how heavily the marketing of this show leaned into his queer energy when the full show really isn't that gay at all and so constantly equates dracula's queer-affected vampirism with promiscuity, mixing the signals and making it seem like queerness is promiscuity. not a great look.

this is already an essay so even though i have more miscellaneous thoughts i'll wrap it here. if anyone's curious about specific things, i'm happy to answer pointed asks.

so yeah. tl;dr just. i respect the craft of all the people that brought this together, i think the actors did great work with poor material, and the design and direction were solid, it's just... it's very hard to save a show with a fundamentally bad script, and that's what this felt like to me. good stagecraft, bad material.

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Hey, your local ace is back! I honestly come looking for comfort or idk cuz being demisexual/asexual in today’s society is HARD. I have always been confused to what ‘being good in bed’ consists of. I understand it involves the whole communication thing but people say ‘sex is like any other skill, you have to do it a lot in order to be good’ and I am like ‘okay but what if casual sex is not my thing? Do I just stay an ‘awkward virgin’ forever?’. It almost feels like I need to be promiscuous in order to be enough. I am demi so I want to do it with someone I plan to live the rest of my life with but all the discussion of being good at sex makes me feel so self conscious, I want to do good for my future bf but the thought of not being attractive enough makes me want to shrivel up lolol. Even though I got an hourglass body, big boobs, wide hips and good butt (thank you parents!) all of this makes me feel so…Unattractive and ugly. I also feel like if my bf told me I wasn’t pleasuring him I would break up with him and run for the hills out of embarrassment 🤸‍♂️🤸‍♂️🤸‍♂️. So my question to the class is: is the emotional connection not enough for sex? Cuz I always thought it would be for me. How do you get ‘good at sex’ without having a hoe era or whatever? Lolol I am a nerd so even if I wasn’t ace i don’t think I would be much good at sex either

Hey! @xiuminswifeforever

I haven't been ignoring you but I just have been trying to figure out a way to reply to this because my feelings and experience are very similar to yours.

It's rough, it's really fucking rough out here.

It's like you either have to forfeit emotional intimacy to have a semblance of a sex life or you remain emotionally abstinent/celibate permanently.

It's like the idea of wanting a sexual relationship with emotionally intimacy is just something you shouldn't even consider now.

I don't know if this will help you but what's helped me with gaining 'experience' w/o necessarily being with someone is through self-exploration.

Honestly, reading smut, having a pretty collection of toys and listening to nsfw bf audios has helped me learn and feel more confident in what I enjoy and don't enjoy.

My response to 'is the emotional connection not enough for sex?' is...I don't know, it would depend on the other person really.

My romantic and hopeful side says:

'yes, the emotional connection should be enough for sex because if you really desire to be in a long-term and healthy relationship, then physical intimacy would be something that you would work through together'.

My cynical and realistic side says:

'Most people ie men in their 20s don't want to wait for an emotional connection to form before physical intimacy happens.'

I've listened to a lot of experts about relationship and physical intimacy where they say it takes 3 months for men to form an emotional connection with their partner so you should wait 3 months before having sex so there's that foundation of emotional nurture and care.

But realistically, what guy is going to want to wait 3 months?

I wish I could say something more happy but my view is quite bleak right now, I feel your pain and loneliness, it's awful and I get it.

What I am going to do is tag a few moots of mine who I feel would help with this question and they can respond if they would like and give you a different perspective:

@saintfool @anyamaris @hipster-shiz @creativechaoticloner @muselin @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @ja3hwa @lyramundana @daddysspecialdollyworld and everyone else who feels like they can contribute to this!

[ikuzeminna]

Uhura casting in SNW

I saw your post about the uhura miscasting. Do you believe in the theory some fans have that why they chose an ugly actress to play uhura was because they did not want her to be a threat to chrsitine chapel? I am glad I am not alone in thinking the new Uhura is highly very unattractive. So unattractive that it breaks the 4th wall. Like he creators don't see it. I was scared to say anything because I did not want to be labelled as a racist that hate dark skin black girls. There are very pretty dark skin black girl actresses.The Uhura actress is just not one.

Oh, Ce|ia Gοοding looks perfectly fine, my dear crap-stirring anon. Large, soulful eyes that draw the attention, a soft smile. Soft lines and curves. It's all there.

The creators of SΝW simply choose not to portray her Uhυra as attractive. And that's very easy to tell because they sure choose to do so with Chaρel. We see Chaρel be confident and cool and in a dress in a bar, we see all the ship teasing with her and Sρock and get to hear her talk about past trysts or a relationship or whatever that was. Her kissing Sρock has him feel~ things. Chaρel is actively painted as desirable by the narrative. SΝW Uhυra? We get to see her in her PJs and stuff her face hurriedly. She doesn't get to flirt with anyone. She randomly hums during a get-together to introduce a MacGuffin for later that is done so clumsily that Uhυra just comes off as a weirdo. Honestly, SΝW Uhυra's mannerisms remind me of Rοry Gilmοre. A book-smart, overachieving oddball, complete with juvenile exclamations during life or death situations ("And the crowd goes wild!").

That is not what TΟS Uhυra is like. TΟS Uhυra is refined and graceful. TΟS Uhυra is someone who is in control. She is someone who is confident. She is someone who draws attention to herself because she wants to. When she hums in the rec room and disrupts Sρock's playing, she owns it. She openly flirts with him. When Sρock tells her to hurry with the comm repairs she doesn't cave. You piss her off, she'll lock you in a closet. There was a slew of people who found her gorgeous. TΟS Uhυra was actively shown to be highly desirable (even if it couldn't go anywhere due to racism).

Hmm, did I just describe SΝW Chaρel? Oh my, what a coincidence.

If SΝW Chaρel and Uhυra switched personalities and backstories and Chaρel was written less like a 14-year-old's self-insert it would already make the characters more consistent with their TΟS counterparts. In fact, it'd make a lot of sense if Chaρel had massive daddy and self-esteem issues, explaining why in TΟS she'd latch onto the intentionally most emotionally distant man in the universe. Goodness, imagine. Exploring the reason for a woman's biggest character flaw in-depth instead of relegating her to just a dramatic love interest again. Because that's all Chaρel still is. Her modern upgrade has been knocking people out and being a spunky wisecracker, but she still has no relevance outside of her feelings for Sρock.

What an update.

To answer your question, I don't know what the creators were thinking, but it was definitely not casting an unattractive woman to get rid of competition. You can't even be unattractive as an actress. That's not how the show biz works. To me it looks more like yet another of the misguided takes about female empowerment that have been trending for the last 10+years that demand that "strong women" need to be independent and emotional hermits and not sexy because that is demeaning and women are not objects of desire or just there to be girlfriends, how dare you! what do you mean, that's what we do with Chaρel? that's completely different, oh em gee..!

The only character in SΝW who got the better deal is Τ'Ρring. She is actually a character now and not just more shallow drama for Sρock. Whoever is in charge of writing her should get a raise and be given the other characters, too, because SΝW started out strong but quickly became a kiddie pool of character depth.

No, I'm not a fan. The first half is fine but then it flushes itself down the toilet. Ηemmer dies and the focus is on Sρock's ship tease with Chaρel. Are you kidding me.

And then I have to sit through Ρike angsting about his fate yet again because the creators apparently hate disabled people.

People can scream all they want about JJ Τrek, but it got things right. It introduced new dynamics and elements that make sense and are interesting. JJ Τrek wasn't afraid to use romance and attractiveness to give depth to Uhυra and realize something that wasn't possible decades ago. It gave an attractive woman agency in her relationship that reveals as much about who she is as a person as the man she's with. Was JJ gunning for feminism? No, he was gunning for badass but got a lot of things right in the process.

They introduce her right after Sρock tells the Vυlcans to go eff themselves, showing us someone who is popular as she greets people here and there until she gets to the bar. Then Κirk comes leaning into the shot and immediately starts hitting on her. JJ Uhυra is not just popular, she is hot. So hot that the main guy sets his sights on her. And then they just start deconstructing the Hero Gets The Girl trope. You buy her a drink, she'll want something from you? Sorry, bro. You impress her with your knowledge, she'll want something from you? Nah, man. She smiles at you, she finally took the bait? Go sleep with some more farm animals, my dude.

Uhυra turning down legendary womanizer Κirk is such an important thing.

She is in control when Κirk is hitting on her, she is in control when she confronts Sρock about the Farragυt posting. Even when she's scared for her life facing the Κlingons, she remains in control of her emotions just like TΟS Uhυra when she admitted to her captain she was often scared but drew strength from him. One of her defining traits is being able to still do her job despite her emotional state.

SΝW Uhυra has none of that refinement and control. It's a completely different character. And I don't care if she is young because JJ's Τrek showed an Uhυra who was just as young, but where her core character traits were all present.

As for female empowerment, again, people can scream all they want, JJ Τrek still did a better job at it than SΝW. And why? Because an attractive woman doesn't automatically mean a sexualized woman. Yes, there is the underwear scene that was completely unnecessary and stupid, I'll own that. But aside from that dumb shot no one in the movie cares about, Uhυra being an attractive woman during the bar scene was not sexualizing Uhυra, it was portraying Κirk as a lecherous idiot. If people take a scene like that and think "Look! She's only an object of desire! She's only there to be the girlfriend!" instead of "Wow, what a jerk. Which part of no is so hard to understand, you loser?" that's on them and their male view interpretation and the bullcrap, internalized opinion that being attractive is an open invitation for every numbnut to hit on you.

It's not necessary for a strong woman or a non-sexualized woman to not have any sexuality at all. That's stupid and limiting. Like having to be allergic to nuclear families. This whole "You can’t want that, it’s demeaning!“ nonsense is pretty much the opposite of feminism. There's a reason Νichelle Νichols was wearing a freaking mini skirt during ΤOS. Because she wanted that right as a woman, not because she wanted to be a floozy.

Side note: I'm not gonna tag this anything because I have better things to do than get into arguments about a show I couldn't care less about. But I wanted to answer the ask nonetheless. I know anon will see it.