#if you ever think to urself
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went to draw at the beach and a big wave went right over me and all my stuff. Now my sketchbook is a soggy mess and the sea emptied 3ink bottles ...
i managed to finish it tho and the lifeguard came and took a photo :)
#never doing that shit again#if you ever think to urself#hmm it would be so aesthetic to draw at the beach#stay as far away as u possibly can from the coast#art#traditional art#ink drawing#illustration#sketchbook#storytime#not really lol#blah.txt#art.png
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Kaeya when he has to function around the existence of the brother he mourns his relationship with due to a volatile hurtful falling out born out of the crushing guilt he has about his own existence: 😎
Kaeya when he gets told he’s descended from the founder of the abyss order & deflects feeling any attachment or emotional conflict over his past: 😎
Kaeya when ppl arguing make the child he cares about sad for .2 seconds (he cannot bear the sight of Klee being subject to the confusing & seemingly pointless pain of familial conflict that he is so familiar with when (unlike himself) she does not deserve to have to accept it & learn to endure it all on her own):
#Kaeya#Klee#genshin#ragbros#<— by technicality#Genshin 3.8#I’m so stressed out over my boy#praying my kaeya take is correct I dont consider myself a kaeya expert#but my vibe from him is I think the concept of childhood innocence n the loss of it kind of torments him#guy who probably always felt like he lacked it as a child but also continuously lost it more as he got older#so perhaps seeing a child be sad & not know how to handle smthng you made urself learn to deal with n feel#depressingly used to the concept of invokes an emotion bc it’s like ohhhhh that’s like how I used to be but also so much better n worth more#than I think I ever wassss#fern.txt#fandomferns
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also while we're here i would like to share the two iterations of tumblr user gorespawn that have existed since i abandoned this blog back in like early 2021. Who wants me
#i grew my hair out so i could twirl my hair while giggling about bald men#and also t.o.p of bigbang#and short men i see at the grocery store who honestly make me feel light-headed with raw and unbridled Want#but that's just a joke. i am. Lesbian#''no ur not'' I AM#anyway i used to be so ripped and hunky but now i am frail and sickly#what getting a job can do to a mf#thankfully i quit my job last week YIPPIIIEEEEEEE so now i will work towards becoming an absolute hunk again#wish me luck#ALSO#if anyone is obsessed with me and remembers all my lore i used to be transgender and i still am like lowkey on the down low#but in a new exciting way#anyway i used to be a gay man and then a stone butch dyke (as seen above) but now im practicing being a girl#it is very difficult but it is also fun. ive never been a girl before so it's a lot#anyway i bought two super cool sexy dresses yesterday for the first time ever in my life#sexy dresses meaning up to my neck and down to my feet and past my elbows. kind of like a wardrobe straight out of the handmaid's tale#from (to quote my friend) ''*The* old lady store'' thanks man. well i think theyre pretty and its v exciting bc ive never been a girl befor#anyway#who wants me#i still use the name emil online btw and i honestly always will i think it's just so me and also i do still answer to he/him dw#in a man way not in a he/him lesbian way#''he's LGBTQA+'' what. all at once?#yes.#i have mastered them all i have collected all the genders and all the sexualities and ive never been ''wrong''#it just keeps switching. which is fine. well im a girl now. in a detransitioning man way. who is insanely attracted to men#but you will have to tear this lesbian label out of my cold dead hands#''you can't call urself lesbian if u have sex w men'' well first of all fuck you and second of all i am celibate so you dont need to worry#''what the hell are you talking about'' nothing. now look how hot i am#im just joking around i hope that's fine w y'all
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It's deeply important to me that Loop kind of sucks
#they are literally awesome but they do kinda suck. just a tad#mostly as in i keep thinking about lucabyte's comics. they are critical to me#i love isat's postcanon as a space to explore recovery and communication#but sometimes you kind of have to drag urself through glass to get there. sometimes the glass sticks in ur skin and makes u prickly#i think constantly about like. loop being surprised by siffrin's kindness if u choose to be nice to them in certain dialogue options.#remarking about how time has made them jaded more than he is#loop is fundamentally kind. but they are scantly ever 'nice'#i think if loop joins the party it's inevitable that they are going to make each other bristle up#loop has a difficult time with all of the party members. between the guilt and the loss and them just not being capital s Siffrin#and to the party who only knows loop from one interaction and siffrin's apparent care for them i think loop would come off. abrasive at bes#like. like i dont think loop would act the same with the party that they do siffrin. their mask is very Piss Siffrin Off specialized#but how much of ur persona is an act and how much of it is yourself. or whatever. loop wouldn't want to be mean to their friends sure#but it's much easier not to hurt if you wedge some distance. no better way to get that distance by being offputting. i think isabeau esp#would get the brunt of this. poor man#plus there's just hte general fact that like. nobody likes the feeling of talking to somebody who clearly knows too much about them. who#will never show their own cards. added with the fact that there's just an inherent strangeness w loop. where they have a relationship to#siffrin thru the loops that none of the party members will ever grasp (and in a way they cant even guess frankly!)#i just have a hard time seeing loop's assimilation into the party as going smooth and nice. you know. i think the party members would think#that loop kinda sucks a little. i think loop would let them think this. all of this being said this is not irreconcilable or permanent#but i like there to be growing pains for the party's expansion. i won't even get into nille bc this aint abt her but yah#the lucky thing loop is you made friends with a lot of really nice people who would being willing to get to know you again.#isat spoilers
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what are all the characters that you’re simping for ?
thank you for asking anon.... have a moodboard of the characters that have been rotating in the microwave of my brain recently. feel free to judge as you see fit. ignore the topknot guy he lives here
#can't think of anyone else so just add aki a bunch of times 😭😭😭#he is the MAIN brain worm after all#I'm super into baldurs gate / sakamoto days / arcane right now..... huuuu....#ever since I heard arcane was coming back I'm thinking so much of my lol oc again#and playing a lot of league#don't. do that btw#save urself while you still can#don't fall into the devils temptation#also sakamoto days is really good right now everyone should read it#it'll get an anime soon guys I swear#I can't tell if I have a type or not this assortment seems so random LMAO#but thank you for asking '!!!!#for some reason I'm shy to share what other characters I'm into when it isn't aki.... ha........#I want to talk about more characters too#ask mags
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I'm in shambles. I'm dying everywhere. I don't even know where to begin with my thoughts I'm FLOORED. Lunar sounding, just for a moment, so relieved that they'd killed Eclipse and it just all crumbles the moment they realize that Earth is horrified with what they've done. They way they so meekly asked Solar if they're a bad person. Holy shit. whadda hell. this is so messed up and I am all here for it.
#xero says things#eclipse is /likely/ gunna come back too#and although i'm /terribly/ curious how that's gunna turn out-#-('how many times do u have to be brought back before you lose all of urself' anima sola lunar style type stuff)-#-i'm more insanely fucked up abt lunar bc like. fuck dude#have we ever heard them /cry/ before this?#we'd heard them get startled and wail#but. i don't think we've ever heard them truly /cry./#im so. aoaauahaggghh#sun and moon show#lunar and earth show#tsams#tlaes#sams spoilers#laes spoilers#tsams spoilers#tlaes spoilers#lunar
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I will forever maintain that Jason would've been fine and Not a vigilante without Bruce making him Robin
#''bruce never recruited any kids for his mission/war'' falls apart immediately when u consider jason's backstory im ngl#jason todd#my dc posting#his whole character to me is breaking the conventions of the medium#batman#like i hate how ppl treat others like theyre ridiculous when they even dare to critique bruce in any way#i am capable of suspending my disbelief and accepting some things in fiction as okay even if they wouldnt be irl#its the viewers responsibility to meet stories whre theyre at#but its also the story's responsibility to upkeep that yknow?#''child/teen sidekicks are okay n not morally dubious'' okay :D yay :3#then one of them gets brutally murdered by a villain and im like. yeah uhh no. cant do that anymore 👍sorry#''they all became vigilantes on their own bruce couldnt have stopped them'' yall under the impression bruce hates kid heroes n wants them#properly safe n is just doing damage control/harm prevention#when hes more the lines of encouraging them#difference between ''i cant stop u from doing this so ill make it as safe as i can'' and#''im actively going to encourage you to do this dangerous thing''#i have many opinions n im ngl theyre constantly shifting n they depend on a lot#im not gonna hate on lego batman for robin thats a goddamn childrens movie who tf gives a shit#comics are fair game tho. have u seen what gows on in there.#bruce couldve stopped jason from being a vigilante n instead encouraged him is the hill i will fucking die on#the victim blaming of jason has Got to stoppp its the worst thing ever#also just to remind everyone. ''a good soldier''.#wow a character blames themselves for the death of their child and to torture themselves they put the words 'good soldier' on their memorial#anyway if you even dare to think abt the implications ure stupid n#like do u hear urself whattt
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no fucking wayyy dude
#so you kick us out of a sever for saying people shouldnt joke about child rape/assault#and say u have evidence me n a friend were talking behind ur back#so you unfriend us n kick us out of yhe group#instead of oh idk talking about it with us like a mature person#you constantlyyyyy say ur trying sooo hard to get better at communicating but thats suchh bullshit u js want people to feel bad for you#oh sorry i think joking about raping a child is disturbing and gross#sorry me n my friend were talking about that together#not spreading “rumors” or even talking to other ppl about it#js airing problems out to eachother#literally go fuck urself youre such an entitled asshole#you use your mental illnesses to make people feel bad for you and get mad when they dont#sorry im not pitying a cis white girl who lives pretty comfortably financially in a safer part of town.#i cant even tell if she realizes how attention seeking she really is#the excuse of saying we were talking shit in a channel or whatever is literally suck bullshit#if i said something about the child rape jokes in a channel and you know its about you Obviously you should take a fucking look at yourself#Also not to mention when we got in a fight you said shit to my Face in “your channel” that made me go into one of the most dissociative#paranoid episodes in my life Ever. making me question my fucking morals and shit#how fucking up your own ass are you#whatever talk to me like a fucking grown up if you think youre so mature asshole#<- sorry this isnt about anyone here but im so fucking mad its like#genuinely disgusting#venting
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does anyone else think it's kinda fucked up how the watcher fans basically bullied their creators back on a platform they didn't want to use anymore?
#this is something that's been eating at me ever since the apology video but i finally figured out how to put it into words#like am i insane? they said 'bye its been fun but i want to move on' and the fans were like 'ACTUALLY? FUCK. YOU. HOW DARE YOU'#not that i would never wish this on her or any other creator but can you imagine if jenna marbles got this reponse#yes i know the situation is a little bit different but like? the principal is the same!#im scared to say this bc i know some people are going to be like um actually 🤓☝️#but fuck those guys if u break it down to the bare essentials? thats what y'all did hope ur proud of urselfs#watcher tv#vee posts#*edit ok not fuck u to those people obviously i understand theres a lot of nuance but i still think if u break it down thats what happened
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god forbid a woman prioritises her fiancé who's going through withdrawal over a man's feelings
#do you guys hear how damn silly y'all sound???#'ever since mari came into town Kris doesn't engage in cute scenes with kenny and now im side eyeing get ngl'#LISTEN TO URSELF??????#y'all just hate gay people frrrr#so unserious#as if ken wasn't being a little bitch for saying his friendship with kris was conditional to her being open to him romantically#mari is not the toxic lesbian y'all want her to be and kristi is not an asshole for anything she's done#ever#literally the second most selfless character in the show#anyway i like kenny! the writers need to stop emotionally kicking him (nothing to with kris and mari)#and i think boyd is the only one who's been unfair to him#but like i dont blame him either#the nightmare purgatory town is simply a pressure cooker#from epix#from mgm#anyway!#ramblings of an insomniac
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todays award for 'man what the fuck' goes to reddit for making me see pr0/-ship discourse in goddamn 2023. thought we were past that but i guess not
#spitblaze says things#i am once again reminding ppl that media and fan content are not created or consumed in a vacuum#you do not need to whitewash all 'taboo topics' from any work but maybe like. warn people up front. listen to minorities and csa victims#consider if yelling at strangers on the internet is actually helping anybody at all. esp the people you purport to be helping#realize that most people think grown-adult and literal-child pairings are gross for a reason and they arent just pearl clutching prudes#(im talking like 'this character is 10 and this one is 35' not 'this one is 17 and this one is 18'. yes ive seen it. yes i hate it)#idk. have a set of personal values rather than trying to align urself with some movement or group or whatever#also maybe give a little less leeway to ppl making purposefully tittilating csa content? even if it IS fiction???#at that point its not 'exploring dark subject matter' anymore its just jerkoff material. maybe you can afford to be a bit more discerning#also. learn what a maladaptive coping mechanism is please#thats it i just. dont want to think about this shit ever agaaaaaain
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NOT ME SEEING SOMEONE ASK IF ITS OKAY THAT, AS A TRANS MAN, THEY PURPOSEFULLY SLEEP WITH LESBIANS BC THEY LIKE THE IDEA OF DYKE BREAKING (THE ACTUAL TERM THEY USED)
FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF??????????? AND THEY MADE THAT POST IN JUNE??????????????????????? DURING PRIDE MONTH?????????????????????????????????????? "IS IT COOL THAT IM INTO LESBOHPBIA AND CORRECTIVE RAPE"???????????????????????????????????????????? IM BEING SO FUCKING SERIOUS WHEN I SAY DROP DEAD.
#DID U EXPECT LESBIANS TO BE CHILL WITH THIS???????????????????????????#'HEY IVE TURNED CORRECTIVE RAPE INTO A KINK. WHAT DO U GUYS THINK?' I THINK YOURE A FUCKING FREAK.#PURPOSEFULLY SEEKING OUT LESBIANS AND NOT TELLING THEM YOURE A MAN AND JUST LETTING THEM ASSUME UR A WOMAN#NOT EVEN REALIZING THEYRE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.#MEANWHILE UR LAUGHING TO URSELF LIKE SOME KINDA CARTOON VILLAIN.#FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF#WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU#im so fucking pissed oh my fucking god#yall need to start being fucking normal about lesbians right the fuck now. im fucking sick of this.#i dont know what gives ppl the confidence to say the foulest shit abt lesbians and then get confused when we're mad about it#what the FUCK#never be near another lesbian ever again#shut up alex
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the whole “its ok to make ocs for closed species without permission bc its not illegal” thing is like.... yea its not illegal, but intentionally breaking somebodys TOS is still a dick move, and most artists who do commissions are gonna see u do that n think “why should i risk working with this person if they dont respect TOS?”. even if you think its fair bc the creator of the closed species is a shithead with bad business practices, most ppl outside the community arent gonna know abt it, ya feel.
#.txt#im not saying u can never do that in any situation ever but like#be prepared to explain urself n deal with the fact that some artists would rather not work with clients who cant be trusted with TOS#even if you think youre justified in that situation n dont break TOS outside of that. bc we dont know that
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last rb stressed me out lowkey akakska i had an ex like that and it became a self fulfilling prophecy kinda thing..
#like oof where do i even begin#for one... would recommend looking up what pedestalling is so u can catch urself when ur doing it.#and. hm. honestly even working on self worth n whatnot i think rly internalizing not 2 pedestal ppl cuts out a lot of self sabotage#like hello ppl in ur life r there bc they choose to be. you are worth it to them and they are showing u that w action.#u gotta be vulnerable.. u gotta trust in other ppl.. cautious optimism is fine but 😮💨😮💨#i hate when ppl assume what im thinking and feeling and act upon that. assumptions on assumptions.#my mom was like that in a mean spirited vindictive way. my ex would spiral if i took too long to respond stressed as hell#thinking that i had all these horrible thoughts about her or that i was just using her like holy shit I'm just sitting here drawing ajsjka#i am trying to make friends. i am recovering from my own personal circumstances and trying to figure myself out etc.#was also actively working on finding myself as a trans woman bc it was so early in my transition.#idk. like damn ppl have Lives‚ hobbies‚ other ppl they talk to‚ they take time for themselves.#if u don't know and ur stressed about it‚ ask..? but then believe ppl when they answer idk.#sorry.. I've annoyed myself lmao. it was wild... things were dead simple on my end but she came up w hella things she swore HAD to have bee#true and after breaking up w her she kept DMing me w long ass self deprecating vents and mischaracterisations#i had to block her after a while like 😐 u ever see somebody go to therapy and get worse somehow#i cannot fw people who have low self esteem anymore but like i sympathize from a distance lol#hello from the other side of the interaction... self love/worth is hard but please try#ur mischaracterization of ppl based on assumptions is hurting them and it will alienate ppl n push them away#and then become a sort of self fulfilling prophecy.. but also take what I'm saying w a grain of salt 🤷🏾♀️#i just have my personal experiences
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I say this like periodically but god it really bothers me when Chicanos/Mexican Americans do the whole reclamation thing where culture becomes a costume and Nahuatl culture in particular becomes this sort of "one size fits all" thing when many of us aren't from Nahuatl backgrounds? And to do so without any fucking acknowledgement of how yes, despite our indigenous roots, many of us of mixed race hold a particular privilege over Indigenous peoples of Mexico because Spanish colonialism still affects those who have actively lived in their respective cultures for generations, is still shitty. If you bring that up you get a lot of but but buts from these types. Like all that reclamation really means very little when we can't hold ourselves accountable let alone discuss our part in Mexico's continued oppression of its Indigenous peoples; it's a truth we have to contend with, not brush off in that journey.
#i see a lot of these people be like call urself indigenous instead of latine and its like#i get the sentiment but i dont feel i have a right to in some ways that i feel need to be addressed you know?#like i dont think we shouldn't ever but i think going yeah i have this and this in my ancestory is the acknowledgement im comfortable w/#in general ive always had issues of identity because I've never related to other chicanos#and i dont relate to Mexicans in mexico and i most definitely do not have the experiences of my indigenous relatives#im too Mexican for chicanos and not mexican enough to classify as homeland Mexican if that makes sense lol
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I’m going to. rip my fucking hair out.
#Why why why can’t I enjoy anything ever like it’s so draining I can’t even explain it#Everything makes me anxious and I really REALLY don’t think thats normal nor do I think it’s just general anxiety#I want. answers genuinely but no I can’t see help because of my mom. I probably won’t be able to find out what my fucking problem is until#I’m like. 18 or older#Well into my 20s even#Fuck. it’s like. would I even be able to afford a therapist.#especially if I got disowned/kicked out#I keep trying to convince my mom to get me help/try to get me a diagnosis#and she just doesn’t want to fucking. help me. it’s not even a money thing it’s the fact she DOESNT GIVE A FUCK about her child’s mental#problems and health. Besides if I got diagnosed with like. adhd like everyone says I have (I think it could be that or something deeper) it#would literally end in her getting MORE FUCKING MONEY like our homeschool funds thing would give us more money for like#disability or whatever. if it were adhd. I forget.#I’m trying to use that to convince her and she just doesn’t listen#but honestly it’s like. what’s the point. I know I would feel better if I had a diagnosis because I would know the actual cause of my issue#and would easily find ways to combat it and help myself instead of listening to everyone say I have adhd without a diagnosis and go by that#Because everything I do to try and help with adhd doesn’t fucking work with my deeper mental issues.#And to be really honest I think it’s a personality disorder and I’ve done my own research and I show majority of BPD symptoms#And it’s commonly mistook for adhd. But I would NEVER express that to my mom because she would twist it into me being abusive and awful#again like. fuck even if I can’t get medicated I know I would feel so. so much better about myself knowing WHY I’m like this#Instead of living my life questioning what the fuck is wrong with me#I’m so sick of being different#if you read this. why would u put urself through that.
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