#if you could see my life you would know why I've given up organizing that

[lunememes]

🌙 * ― 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐓 ( a collection of sentence starters from season one of amazon's fallout show. feel free to adjust the wording and pronouns as needed! do not add to the list. )

❛  and in that respect, he could be a cannibal or just like, crammed full of tumours. ❜ ❛  flesh is weak but steel endures. ❜ ❛  unless you know what to find and preserve, you're more useful as a corpse. ❜ ❛  how do we know they're not feral? ❜ ❛  well what makes you think i give a good goddamn about that? ❜ ❛  well what the fuck would you know 'bout where i'm from? ❜ ❛  but for me, well, i do this shit for the love of the game. ❜ ❛  you come from a place of rules, of laws. this place is indifferent to all of that. ❜ ❛  question is, will you still want the same things when you have become a different animal altogether? ❜ ❛  you earn the suit through acts of bravery. this is an act of bravery. ❜ ❛  and i'm telling you you're gonna go through a whole lot worse if you stay 'round here. trust me. ❜ ❛  clean hair. nice teeth. and all ten fingers. must be nice. ❜ ❛  the vaults were nothing more than a hole in the ground for rich folks to hide in while the rest of the world burned. ❜ ❛  you know your kind ain't welcome here. ❜ ❛  you gotta be fucking kidding me. ❜ ❛  you'll be lucky if you can make it to fucking breakfast. ❜ ❛  i'm sorry for yellin', been shot in the leg. ❜ ❛  do you have anyone else you can trust in this town? ❜ ❛  do i really have to kill him? ❜ ❛  well, if you like the taste of lavender, why not just drink a bottle of perfume? ❜ ❛  that's the worst thing i've ever put in my mouth. that's horrible. ❜ ❛  do unto others as you would have done unto you. ❜ ❛  thou shalt get sidetracked by bullshit every goddamn time. ❜ ❛  water water everywhere, and not a drop to drink. ❜ ❛  where do you think you're going? you ain't going nowhere. ❜ ❛  there you are, you little killer. ❜ ❛  no! what a disgusting idea. i'm simply going to harvest your organs. ❜ ❛  i may end up looking like you, but i'll never be like you. ❜ ❛  i really wanna believe you but practically every person i've met up here has tried to kill me. ❜ ❛  listen, hey. you don't get this medicine, you're gonna pass out, okay? and if you lose consciousness, we're both gonna die. ❜ ❛  i've seen these in old engineering manuals but never in real life. ❜ ❛  now, seeing as everyone on earth seems to be after that thing, i'm guessing that's what you're looking for too? ❜ ❛  and you could've killed me when i collapsed back there and you didn't. ❜ ❛  i get that trust doesn't come easily up here. but you can trust me. ❜ ❛  i hate it up here. ❜ ❛  the things i'm willing to do for you never cease to amaze me. ❜ ❛  hey, hey, hey. come here. i'm sorry. i know you always try to do the right thing. that's what i love about you. ❜ ❛  trust doesn't come easily to those of us with a guilty conscience. ❜ ❛  in my experience, the apple tends not to fall too far from the tree. is that true in your case? ❜ ❛  these people are hiding something from us, and i'm gonna prove it to you, okay? ❜ ❛  there's always some new little faction, ain't there? brand new team of believers with their own dumbass ideas about how they gonna save the world. ❜ ❛  so what d'you think [name]? am i really walking out of here today, or are you gonna try and draw on me for what i did? ❜ ❛  a good bad guy doesn't see themselves as the bad guy. ❜ ❛  and yet power is taken, not given. a lesson you seem to have learned. ❜ ❛  war never changes. ❜ ❛  you look out at this wasteland, looks like chaos. but there's always somebody behind the wheel. and that's who i wanna talk to. ❜ ❛  maybe you can stop them. maybe you can't. maybe all you can do is try. ❜

[groverapologist]

PJO/HoO characters as mitski lyrics.

percy: "i will retire to the salton sea / at the age of 23 / for i'm starting to learn i may never be free / but though i may never be free / fuck you and your money / i'm tired of your money" - Drunk Walk Home

annabeth: "and if i break, could i go on break? / be back in my room, writing speeches in my head / listening to the thousand hands that clap for me in the dark" - When Memories Snow

grover: "i don't like my mind / i don't like being left alone in a room / with all its opinions about / the things that i've done" - I Don't Like My Mind

rachel: "i'm holding my breath with a baseball bat / though i don't know what i'm waiting for / i am not gonna be what my daddy wants me to be" - Townie

thalia: "i bet on losing dogs / i know they're losing and i'll pay for my place, by the ring / where i'll be looking in their eyes when they're down" - I Bet on Losing Dogs

nico: "open up your heart / like the gates of hell / you stay soft, you get beaten / only natural to harden up / you stay soft, you get beaten / only natural to harden up" - Stay Soft

clarisse: "i try to remember the wrath of the devil / was also given him by god" - Bug Like An Angel

luke: "you're an angel, i'm a dog / or you're a dog and i'm your man / you believe me like a god / i'll destroy you like i am" - I'm Your Man

ethan: "there's a deal you can make on a midnight walk alone / look around, listen close, hear it fall from above / it will ask what you'd give and what you'd take for it in return" - The Deal

silena: "see my hands, pretty boy. what so they tell you? / cuz i've looked down at them not knowing why" - Bag of Bones

charlie: "hanging onto a cliff / that stretched him every day / and when she'd ask to hold hands / he would smile and / let one of his hands go / his whole life in one hand" - Dan The Dancer

will: "all the eggshells are on the ground / and i try, i'm trying to pick them up / but they crack and crumble, it's all too much / too frail for me to touch" - Humpty

reyna: "and i know no one will save me / i'm just asking for a kiss / give me one good move kiss, and i'll be alright" - Nobody

piper: "i'm beautiful, i know cuz it's the season / but what am i to do with all this beauty? / biology, i am an organism / i'm chemical, that's all, that is all" - Liquid Smooth

leo: "one word from you / and i would jump off of this ledge i'm on, baby / tell me don't, so i can crawl back in" - First Love/Late Spring

jason: "i am something / i have been something / i was born something / what could i be? there is a light that i can see / but only, it seems, when there's darkness in me / there is a dream that i sometimes see / that only appears in the dark of sleep" - Abbey

hazel: "now i've no one to tell / how i lost my best friend / the frost, it looks / like we've been left in the attic / but you're not here to see" - The Frost

frank: "i get mean when i'm nervous like a bad dog / i get mean when i'm nervous like a bad dog" - Cop Car

[humanitys-strongest-bamf]

The Underground (Part 2) | #LeviMonth2024 Hurt/Comfort Two-Shot

✧ word count ➼ ~1.6k ✧ notes ➼ mafia!au, mafia boss!levi x assassin!reader, loosely based off the longfic i've been attempting to write for a year 😭 part 1 here! ✧ comments ➼ levi month entry for august 28! ✧ join my levi month taglist here!

{{ August 25 (Drunk) }} Masterlist

Your run-in with Levi had deeply disturbed you. For a moment, you even wondered what life would be like next to him, if you had given into your feelings and defected to be with him. It hurt to be so close to him and be unable to have him.

You were near the exit to the venue now that you had accomplished your mission. Levi had snatched the poison from you, so you couldn't go with your original plan. You were forced to go in and do it the old-fashioned way, which unfortunately always ended in chaos as soon as the target dropped dead.

You knew that Levi likely wouldn't let you leave alive now that you had killed his funder.

Feeling your phone buzz, you pulled it out to check for any further orders before you departed. Your heart dropped once you saw the dreadful order that you knew was inevitable—you had to assassinate Levi himself.

You didn't have time to come up with an excuse not to, but you also knew that you couldn't get yourself to follow through with it either.

Letting out an exasperated sigh of defeat as you heard Levi approaching you from behind, you loosened your grip on your phone, letting it drop out of your hands and onto the ground below.

"...just kill me and get it over with," you mumbled. "Now that I've killed your funder, I bet you'd want nothing more than to see my head on a platter."

"Perhaps," he responded cold-heartedly, without giving any real indication as to what was going on through his head.

However, beneath his ice-cold exterior lurked deeper feelings of dread over losing someone he actually cared for, despite your association with his adversaries.

He had given you a chance to leave right after cutting you off simply due to his desire to avoid this confrontation. Decisions would have to be made, with both outcomes being just as complicated. A part of him had hoped that you'd leave and go back to whatever relationship you previously had with him, as naive as that thought was.

However, now that you had succeeded in your mission, he knew that he couldn't afford to remain idle any longer. He had to make a choice.

He knew the fact that he was even struggling with this was foolish and incredibly selfish. Levi could almost hear Kenny in the back of his head berating him for being too weak and soft to be leading a criminal organization.

Levi let out a sigh that was just as exasperated as yours. The thought of going through with his instinct of killing you briefly ran through his mind, but he felt his heart grow increasingly heavy at the thought.

"Your target was found dead roughly 15 minutes ago," he finally spoke. "You have had at least that much time to escape, yet I still found you here."

His tone was pragmatic and calm as usual, but you knew what information he was probing you for. He was wanting to know why you were still here when you had plenty of time to leave.

A part of it was because you were hesitant to leave, but it was also influenced by the order that you had just received.

"...they ordered me to kill you," you admitted without turning to face him. "...and I can't. So I'm dead either way, whether it's by your hand for being the enemy, or by their hand for failing this mission."

Levi walked around to step in front of you, gently placing one hand on your shoulder, with the other tilting your head up so that your gaze met his.

Looking directly into his eyes made it feel impossible to continue concealing your emotions.

"...just please at least believe me when I say that I really did love you," you whispered in an almost pleading tone.

Hearing your admission again sent a pang through Levi's heart, making it difficult for him to keep holding back his own feelings.

"Do you mean that?" he whispered hoarsely, with genuine confusion and turmoil spilling into his usually stoic demeanor.

"Of course I do," you said underneath your breath. "I desperately tried to convince myself otherwise, and to see you as nothing more than the enemy—but I couldn't. And they know it, too."

Levi remained quiet for a few seconds, trying to determine how he felt regarding your words.

"So your death is the only outcome."

The blank look in his eyes was replaced with an irritated one as soon as he saw you nod, with his eyebrows furrowing together into a scowl.

"You serious?" he questioned with a scoff. "I find out you're the Interior Police's deadliest assassin and here you are, willing to throw in the towel the minute things get slightly complicated."

"Well, what other choice do I have?!" you asked, your incredulous tone matching the intensity of his. "If I disobey, then it'll only confirm that I was involved with you! And my only other option is to obey and kill you and I-"

You cut yourself off, feeling your emotions building within you as your voice rose, taking a deep breath to try to calm yourself down.

"And?"

You averted your gaze at his question, clearly conflicted.

"I don't think I can," you whispered.

Levi's posture visibly changed once he heard your response, his chest rising and falling as he took a deep breath.

"You're lying to yourself, _____."

You slowly looked back up at him as he spoke, confused over what he was implying.

"There is another choice, and I'm willing to take that risk with you," he said firmly. "Can you find it in yourself to trust me, even if it's just for tonight?"

You stepped back, shuffling around anxiously, directing your gaze down to the ground. You knew what he was referring to—he wanted you to defect, or he was at least offering you the option to. Part of you knew that this was where it was always meant to go, but there was also a part of you that was terrified that he was lying to get you to let your guard down.

"This is the Underground, Levi," you mumbled. "You know that trust doesn't come easy."

He kept his grasp firm on your chin to bring your gaze back to him and to pull you back towards him. There was a look of desperation in his eyes. He needed a yes or no answer from you, not wanting to continue this game of dancing around what obviously needed to be addressed.

"_____, please," he began, his voice barely above a whisper. "I need to know. I can protect you, I swear."

"Big bad mafia boss protecting the enemy?" you asked skeptically, although there was a big part of you that hoped that he was telling the truth.

"That really so hard to believe?"

"Yes," you responded bluntly. "It's as you said. The underground is filled with liars and people pretending to be allies. I killed one of your supporters, and received orders to kill you next. How do I know that this isn't just another one of these games that we find ourselves entangled in?"

"...you don't," he admitted. "Nothing I say will reassure you of that. But if you choose to trust me, even if it ends tomorrow, I'll do everything I can to keep you out of their grasp."

The fact that he was refusing to kill you even though you were vulnerable and essentially giving in was already indicative that he wasn't lying about wanting to protect you.

"...and how do you know that you can trust me?" you asked with a subtle tilt of your head. "And that I won't stab you in the back the minute you let your guard down?"

Frustrated at his persistent inability to get through to you, he pulled you in, gently planting his lips on yours as he poured all of his pent-up emotions into that kiss, hoping that it would communicate at least something to you.

You felt your heart slightly flutter, with this being the first kiss that you had shared with him that wasn't born out of lust.

"I don't," he whispered, resting his forehead against yours as he cupped your cheeks. "But I guess I'm choosing to trust you. Do you have it in you to choose to trust me, too?"

Your face was flushed from the kiss as he held you close. You knew you were fucked simply due to how invested you were in him already, and that you didn't have a chance when it came to trying to convince yourself that you didn't want him. Plus, the idea of being with him officially felt like a breath of fresh air.

Being an enemy of the IP was annoying and overwhelming, but you did implicitly believe that Levi would be able to help you navigate your way through this. You were a capable combatant, but even you would've struggled battling the IP with little to no resources.

"...I trust you," you whispered.

His eyes softened as he planted another kiss on your lips, holding you there for a moment.

"No regrets?" he asked underneath his breath.

A small smile formed on your lips at his question, before kissing him back, gripping at the collar of his shirt to keep him close.

"None."

#: @shayewrites @littlerequiem @i-lev-you @humanitys-strongest-brat @mostlilo @dustbuniesworld @levisrations @ebechnasheim @moonchild-angel @jayteacups @bipolargatto @samackermaan @deepzombieyouth @levkuna @levisfavoriteteashop @ackermanswifee @ae-chidori @2dsimpomg @anti-cupid

[bi-bard]

I've Had No Love Like Your Love - Gary "Eggsy" Unwin Imagine [Kingsman]

Title: I've Had No Love Like Your Love

Pairing: Gary "Eggsy" Unwin X Reader

Based On: Nobody

Word Count: 1,083 words

Warning(s): Insecurities

Summary: Eggsy's new job gives him opportunities and experiences that he could have never imagined. (Y/n) is worried that these experiences are going to pull him away from them. Eggsy tries his best to show that nothing he's done will ever be more important than them.

Author's Note: Pretty sure this happened because of the internet throwing edits about the second Kingsman film at me. Which I had a lot of fun watching, by the way.

WASTELAND, BABY! - HOZIER WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

--------------------

I met Eggsy long before his life with the Kingsman started.

He had been this bubbly, sarcastic, and all-around-loving guy. It didn't take long for him to win me over. He was charming and sweet. I fell far faster than I cared to admit.

I was happier with him than I had been with anyone else. It was silly, almost delusional, but I was getting to the point where I felt like we were going to last forever.

And then, Eggsy found a new job.

He hid it from me at first, but after seeing how suspicious that looked, he dropped the act.

I could still remember vividly sitting across from him at my dining room table as he rambled on and on about what he was doing. The training and the gadgets and the assholes he had met through it all. He told me about how his being gone for days was because he was going on missions for a secret organization that I wasn't meant to know about.

I didn't believe him at first.

That's when he showed me some of the gadgets he had. He showed me some of the suits that they had given him. I got to know the Kingsman label.

I asked him if he was going to get in trouble for telling me all of this.

He kissed me and told me that he didn't care if he did. He'd rather that than lose me. Which did make me feel very special.

I accepted every part of it.

The long trips away, the small injuries that he came home with, the lack of a steady schedule. And the dog. The dog was a nice bonus to the job.

I never wanted to question his work. And I didn't.

I never had a lot of problems with the work. I got worried when he showed up hurt, but that was kind of it.

After a while though, the stories started to get to me. I wasn't upset hearing them or jealous or anything like that, but the more and more I heard about those stories, the more I found this sickening feeling in my stomach. Like I was... disappointing him... somehow.

I heard all these stories about these amazing places and the cool stuff that he did, and I just felt... boring. How was I supposed to compare to stuff like that?

I always ignored it. Well, I tried.

In all honesty, I never thought that Eggsy noticed it.

We all think that we're better at hiding things than we actually are.

I was in the middle of putting my clothes away, listening to him go on and on about the last mission he was on. I nodded along, chuckling where it felt appropriate.

"You alright?"

I furrowed my eyebrows as I turned to him. "What are you talking about?"

"You just seem... out of it."

"What," I forced a scoff. "Eggsy, I'm fine."

"(Y/n), we've been together for a while, I can tell when you're not."

I took a deep breath as I leaned against the dresser. "I... Do I bore you?"

"Sorry?"

"Do I bore you?" I repeated. "Am I boring?"

"No, why would you ask that?"

"You just... You come home from these trips and you have all these stories about what you did and what you saw and who you met and it just... I feel boring compared to that part of your life."

He didn't respond for a moment.

"And I know that it sounds dumb and childish but I... I can't help it, Eggsy. I... I'll get over it. I don't want you to think that I don't care about your work because I do and I admire it. I don't... I don't want to be controlling or anything like that and I'm sorry-"

"Stop," he spoke up, cutting off my rambling. I did, biting at the inside of my cheek.

He walked over to stand opposite me, his back facing the bed. He pulled the sleeve of his jacket up. "See this?"

He pointed at a bracelet on his wrist. It had been a gift I had gotten him. It was small, simple. A braided bracelet with a small charm hanging off of it. It wasn't a super expensive gift, but I didn't have a lot to spend at the time. I was surprised that it had landed as long as it had.

I nodded as I looked at it.

"I wear this during every mission that I go on," he explained as he walked forward. "Do you know why?"

I didn't answer.

"Because all I care about on those missions is getting back to you," he continued. "Through every badass thing I get to do, through all of the suits and gadgets and crap, all I want is to come home to you. Because I love you. A lot. More than I've loved anyone before."

I felt a grin form on my lips. "I love you too."

He reached forward and cupped the sides of my face, smiling back at me. He leaned his forehead against mine for a few moments before kissing me gently. I kissed him back, reaching my hands out to touch his sides. It was loving, gentle, perfect.

During our small moment together, I felt something tickling my leg. I pulled away, looking down to see what it was. Eggsy's forehead pressed against the side of my head as I did. His eyes were still shut.

"What is it," he asked.

I turned to look at him again. "Your dog is licking my leg."

"What?" his eyes opened as he leaned back and looked down. "For fuck's sake-"

"It's alright," I chuckled.

"Ruined our moment."

"Nooo," I shook my head before leaning down to pick up the pug. "Were you getting a little jealous?"

The pug licked my hand as I went to pet him. I laughed quietly.

"Just wants a little attention," I said, looking at Eggsy again.

"So do I," he replied.

"The pug's cuter."

He scoffed at me. "Excuse me?"

I walked into the main room, sitting with the dog in my lap. Eggsy followed me out. He sat next to me on the couch, pulling me into his side. He kissed my head.

"I love you," he muttered against my hair.

"I love you too," I replied.

That was the moment that I started to truly believe that this life was far more perfect than whatever life with the Kingsman offered.

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[dangerouslypassiveaggressive]

A Terribly Organized Almost-Essay About Suzanne Collins and Why I Think She Writes

Lukewarm take because it's been years, but here it goes: if there's anything I've learned over the years, it's that Suzanne Collins is not a people pleaser. (The author, at least. I don't know her personally lol). And she be pleasing the people, that's not what I mean! I just kept hearing the same question being asked over and over again. "Why Snow? Why him?? Why not anybody else? Really?? A prequel about HIM??" It really made me think.

And don't get me wrong! I'd slash someone's tires for a Finnick prequel just like the next person (Suzanne please!), but that has never been the point of her writing. The Hunger Games novels, and by extension, the prequel book The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, aren't just fun fiction reads. Yeah, they're gripping. The world-building is superb. Young people are at the center of it. And all these characteristics are great, but the thing that draws us in, that keeps us consuming her media like hungry little caterpillars, is that they are, time and time again, a captivating and accurate criticism, analysis, and deconstruction of the broken systems society experiences in the real world. I can only speak from my own experience as a Mexican American woman in the United States, so take all of this with a grain of salt.

The Capitol is colorful and fun and interesting and horrible and sadistic. And it is all those things because it is a symbol of our own real-world 1%, except our own glittering Capitol members here in the real world feed us the hope that we may reach their status if we only work hard enough for long enough. The Hunger Games system never makes that claim. In fact, they are fed the narrative that the system only works because they're stuck where they are. Suzanne Collins is taking everything one step further in her writing because it is a type of satire, a critique of the things we already know. So as an author, she blows it out of proportion so that her reader will say "look at this! How ridiculous! How would someone let the system treat them this way!" And it is ridiculous, it's downright laughable that an entire society, an entire country, would let itself be oppressed in such a cruel way by just a few people in charge instead of rising up and- oh wow, yeah, I see it. She wrote about us.

Suzanne Collins just organized everything neatly into boxes- well, districts. Because every district comes with some form of product that they manufacture, but much more importantly: a class. We go in order from 1-13. District 1 manufactures luxury items and District 2 makes weapons (but mostly trains Peacekeepers), so they have the most privilege and wealth. On the other end, Districts 11 and 12 are the agricultural and coal mining districts, respectively. That's back-breaking work. Not to mention District 11 puts kids as young as 12 to work, and District 12 is poverty-stricken and starving. "But what about District 13?" You may ask, "They make nuclear weapons! Why aren't they up there with 2?" Fantastic question. If we know, and the people of Panem know, that the hierarchy is very clearly set by literal number order, why would one of the most powerful and competent districts be given more power and be put at the top? Placing them at the end lets them believe that they aren't powerful or competent. I mean, jeez, look at 12 and they're before 13? I wouldn't believe I could make it on my own either. (We know now that's not how things go down, but it's a clever power move regardless.)

But after all this, would it hurt Suzanne to give us a single book just for fun?

Yes, I believe it would, that's the whole point. We're not meant to fall for the Peeta/Katniss/Gale love triangle. We're not meant to be interested in Finnick's secrets and early life. We're not meant to want to know the morbid details of how Haymitch won his Games (with double the contestants! Ooh. Aah.) We're meant to be horrified at every turn, at every story. We're meant to ask ourselves how things got so bad, how anyone let this happen. Suzanne Collins has written wonderfully fleshed out characters that grip us and make us want to know more, but the point has never been them or even their loved ones. It was never about Katniss or Prim or Peeta or Finnick or Annie. It's always been about the systems that let this story happen, and where Suzanne got her inspiration: the very real lives we lead. The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes shows us the same thing.

So why Coriolanus Snow? Because he is the catalyst to a broken system that only serves the powerful. If Suzanne were to write a novel about any of our much more beloved characters, then she would be writing the exact same book over and over about the same oppression happening in the same system. She does not write for the sake of bringing her very well-written characters to life, but to flesh out the poverty, the starvation, the power struggles, the horrors they experience. We know this because she writes a lot of her characters as symbols. (Coin, for instance, as the symbol for a power-hungry figurehead, or Prim as the innocent during war.)

Snow is living in a slightly different biome than what we know from The Hunger Games series. He has to make sacrifices and decisions for him and his family, but it's different. It is a view and critique from the inside looking in. This is not Katniss getting to experience the Capitol for the first time and understanding just how terribly unfair everything is. This is someone who is very aware of the way things work and playing the game to stay in power and keep their privilege. Not only that, but it's someone who feels entitled to all of it. In this novel, Suzanne plays around with power and people's position in it. What if a mad scientist was in charge? What if the creator of the thing that brought a semblance of peace was just as horrified as the reader? How far is one person willing to go for power? What if we saw the dawn of a world we're already familiar with?

So I hope she keeps writing, because I love seeing our world through her eyes and the parallels she writes from our world to hers of the injustices happening every day. Even though we'll probably never get the stories we crave, but that's okay. Keep putting those kids through hell, Suzanne.

[1tz-br1ght]

ﾉﾞ✧*。Why I Relate To Capochin✨🌈

Infodumping about my life, capochin, headcannons, and other autistic things! 

TW for mention of abuse, manipulation, power imbalances, pedophilia, and parasocial (?) Relationships

Capochin! Who doesn't love him other then people who don't love him- he's such a silly little guy!! Just a grumpy old man!! A grumpy old man who I, a mentally unwell teenager relate to on a deeply personal level- definitely a bit more then I'm comfortable with- and I know what your thinking, "But Felix! Seriously how relatable can he be-" SHUT UP. SHUT. SH.

.

.

.

Allow me to explain, and I guess spill my organs just a bit- just a WEE bit! So, given only two people on this forsaken website actually know about my personal life and was there to watch it happen I have a bit of explaining to do- so, where do I start... Hm, how's about middle school! Middle school, ah, how lovely- cutting out how much I was relentlessly bullied middle school was my first exposure to this kind of unhealthy relationship that I've unfortunately grown so accustomed to. Long story short I was forced into a relationship, got extremely emotionally attached only to be abandoned and have the things I love most stolen- then people spread rumors about me and blah blah blah I was bullied in middle school and people did not stop that's the short of it!

But then it kept happening.

Again-

And again-

And again.

Each relationship was progressively worse I, being the dumbass I am, only grew more and more dependant on these people who would hurt me, desprate for the approval of people who looked down at me with nothing but hate in their eyes. Starting to see a similarity? Anyways skip to freshman year! 

Highschool! How bad could it be?? Not worse then middle school that's for sure! And believe it or not- I think I'm that loser who peaks in highschool-BUT the reason I bring this up is because of my most recent experience with an abusive relationship I could not get out of.

Michael. 

At the time I was 14, Michael was 17- he guilt tripped me into dating him, used me for what he wanted and smothered me with 'love' if you could even call it that and at some point in this endless loop of hell he turned 18 while I was still 14- a lot more happened in that relationship but the important part is that this is when I hit an all time low and I didn't mention this but I have always been big on cannibalism metophors- and this is around when those cannibalism metophors stopped being uhhh, metophors let's say! 

Yeah things got real bad but I managed to crawl away mostly unharmed-

And I know because that was genuinely a lot for HORRIBLE shit to read I'll give everyone a bit of fluff in my life, I'm doin fine and I'm in a very happy polyam relationship !! I love my boyfriends very much!

Back to the horrible shit!

This kinda manic desperation got really bad after I got away from Michael, my brain immediately opting to viewing my current boyfriend, Oco as a savior of sorts- given hes known me since middle school, got me out of the abusive relationship with Michael and kinda is the only reason I haven't DIED yet- holding him up on this mental pedistal where no matter what he did he would always be perfect and amazing and I would do anything anything anything for him!! 

Yeah, that... That kinda fucked me up- I mean, go figure-

ALL THESE MANY MANY PARAGRAPHS OF TRAUMADUMPING TO SAY, DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN??? GOD this isn't even scratching the surface of the shit I've been through that contributes to why I relate to Capochin so much!! This is leaving out like ALLLLLL the cannibalism and self mutilation metophors I've found myself associated with, pretty much everything that happened that lead up to me holding just... SOME GUY on a mental pedistal for god knows how long- I could genuinely just go on and on and on about it!! But honestly I don't think anyone would really be interested in listening to me info dump about my life more then I already have- we're here for the CAPOCHIN!!! And honestly- I don't really know what to say- I mean I feel like this all kinda speaks for itself, y'know? I mean- fuck man, he just hits a bit too close to home for me sometimes- I love him tho, he's very important to me

If you actually read this far- Uhm, thank you!! You really didn't need to read all this shit- I know it's a lot to take in but I uh- yeah- if you read all this thank you it genuinely means a lot to me <3

[captainsparklefingers]

It's always interesting when an old hyperfixation reemerges and hits you like a truck and drags you back into it, especially when the other currently active fixations don't go away but sort of just get shuffled around.

Like. I'm still working on Unhappy Families, and I've started to feel the flow coming back (not for 1947, unfortunately, THAT chapter still refuses to cooperate)...but suddenly the Sonic movie comes out and beats me with the 'youve liked this since you were 11 and now youre gonna feel things again whether you want to or not' hammer. And the flow is now split between the thing I want to/should work on...and a stupid dumb au idea that I shouldn't do anything with but can't stop thinking about.

So, to get it out of my system, let me tell y'all about my Maria Robotnik lives au, where a tragic lab accident does what it does in comics instead of in real life (aka: so now you have superpowers and a dash of Captain America-esque 'man outta time' vibes).

Lemme go ahead and shove this under a cut and get this out of my head for now. It's 1230 in the morning, my cat is draped all over me like a fuzzy heated weighted blanket, I can't sleep, my brain is going weird places, let's roll with it.

Spoilers for the Sonic movies (particularly the 3rd one).

OKAY SO.

We don't see what actually killed Maria in the movie. I mean, yes, it's the explosion of chaos energy caused by an errant shot, but the specific thing that kills her isn't shown. Could be a blow to the head or traumatic internal injuries, nothing good, but nothing as direct and obvious as a shot to the back like in the games.

And many a fictional individual has been 'blessed' with superpowers following a lab accident or exposure to radiation/mysterious energies/etc. I think you can see where I'm going with this. I mean this is a world with alien hedgehogs, teleportation rings, chaos emeralds, I think one can be allowed a little wiggle room in the name of an au here.

SO. Boom. Explosion. Maria appears dead, her family is devastated and the seeds of revenge are planted,Gerald is carted off, Shadow is put into cryo, all that.

Maria's body is taken by GUN (presumably alongside those of anyone else who died), probably put in a morgue somewhere...aaand that's where she wakes up, screaming, unleashing a wave of Chaos energy that shorts out all electronics in the area, and promptly passes out again.

So. GUN is now in possession of a preteen girl who should be dead, WAS apparently dead, who was exposed to something they were studying and couldn't understand/found too dangerous to mess with, who now appears to have strange abilities that both have kept her alive, given her superpowers, and also seem to (at the moment) be physically taxing to the point of not being able to maintain consciousness for long periods of time.

SO LET'S STICK THE UNSTABLE SUPERPOWERED GIRL INTO CRYO TOO, because that seems to be the standard MO at GUN for these sorts of things at the time. Walters, having been the one who made the call to put Shadow under, is given clearance here as well, as somebody who knew Maria before everything went horribly wrong. And maybe he feels guilty and responsible that this girl is going through this, because of the organization he works for, because he wasn't able to stop those men from pointing weapons at children with intent to fire. So, he lets her out every so often, giving her a chance to physically stabilize, to get an idea of what's been done and what she can do, and to let her know that she hasn't been forgotten.

(of course nobody tells her grandfather about this because why would they, this is all classified and he's a dangerous criminal element now.)

Maybe her memories of what happened are fuzzy. Years in and out of cryosleep following a comic book esque tragic origin story might do that to you. Maybe she's not fully aware of how long it's been, or the fact that she doesn't appear to be aging normally (is it the cryo sleep or the superpowers? Idk. Ask Steve Rogers, it was both with him ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯).

Anyway. Records slip through the cracks, particularly after information about Robotnik is purged by the government post first Sonic movie. And with her being more physically stable and having ways to channel this energy now (let's continue the family theme of science and robots here and make her a bit of a technomancer with machine buddies and robots she communicates with and channels power through, or something along those lines), her scheduled return to cryo sleep gets put off, and put off...

So we have a girl out of time literal computer wizard who's body can only handle so much of the energy it has going through it at once before exhausting her (it's not the same as having a terminal illness, obviously, but it'd be at least something to call back to the game character a bit), who's got patches in her memories, has (to her knowledge) lost her family and doesn't have anyone, who's whole existence is a bit of a cover-up to hide a civilian casualty...

Aaaaaand that's all I have right now. I'm trying to figure out what the best way to get her out of GUN would be while also not having her and Shadow cross paths/know about the other for a good long time (because I enjoy the angst of thinking your closest friend is long dead or gone and having to live on). I'm sure I'll figure out something, there was enough chaos caused by the events of the third movie that I could see her using it as a chance to break herself out.

I dunno. Maybe she ends up with Agent Stone for a bit since they've both lost somebody important. That could be fun. I'm sure there'd be some sort of dramatic reunion or something eventually, but that's all I have for now.

It really isn't much, and I don't want to take away from the impact her death had on Shadow or the importance of it to the story, but at the same time, I'm sort of enamored with this idea of this tween from the 70s who does computer magic and has exhaustion and pain who's trying to find a place in a world that literally forgot her and buried her 50 years ago.

(and maybe I want Stone to have a friend, too, after everything.)

(and maybe some dramatic meetings and reunions too, someday.)

[delfiore]

—DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT. (2/3)

pairing: natasha romanoff x android!reader

synopsis: a face-to-face with caesar confirms what you are already too afraid to admit, as your days as the mole are numbered.

word count: 2.1k

PART I, PART III

Caesar’s new command kept you on edge, you barely had time to do anything else. It was in your program to obey the instructions you were given, so even if you didn’t want to, your brain—CPU—was calculating the best possible way to kill Natasha. You thought about poisoning her, stabbing her in her sleep, pushing her off a ledge to make it look like an accident. The thought of killing Nat was horrifying, but it was even more horrifying to know that you were perfectly capable of doing it, or that you would not be able to stop yourself once the command has been entered.

You wiped the tears that had been running freely down your cheeks. Looking in the mirror, you saw no flaw, no imperfection, just a hollow shell of your face model staring back at you. You wondered whether whomever your face was modeled after lived a normal life, if they knew of your existence, or were they just trying to get home after a long week of work.

“Baby?”

“Huh?”

“Ibuprofen,” Nat called from the bedroom, “could you grab it from the cabinet, please?”

The last mission she went on left her with a dislocated shoulder. It had since been reset, but she needed painkillers to help with the ache.

“Uh, yeah,” you sniffled and grabbed what she needed. When you returned to the bedroom, she was already looking at you with furrowed eyebrows.

She was silent when you handed her the pill bottle, and when you climbed into bed wordlessly.

“Y/N, I didn’t wanna say anything because I wanted you to feel ready to talk to me about whatever it is, but I’m worried, my love.”

You let out a slow breath, and mustered up the best smile you were able to.

“I’m okay. It’s just, work has been a bit stressful.”

“Really? Has Tony been overworking you? I can tell him to—“

“No, no, Nat, please,” you exhaled sharply, “just let it go. Please.”

A beat of silence passed and you thought she might have decided to drop it when she said. “You’re hurting, and I don’t know how to help you. It hurts me to see you like this.”

You felt the guilt gnawing at the back of your throat, threatening to spill out of your mouth. It was a surprising thing to learn that you could feel guilt (you have been feeling it a lot lately). Caesar must have installed it to make you second-guess disobeying him; another failsafe in case you desert.

“I don’t know if I’m deserving of all this, Nat.”

“What do you mean?”

“This, being Tony’s assistant, this life here, you.” You cried quietly. “I don’t know i-if I deserve all this.”

“Of course you do,” Natasha cooed. She probably thought you were going insane.

Natasha was never one for words, and the repeated opening and closing of her mouth was enough to tell you that she didn’t know what to say. She brought you into her arms, and let you cry quietly against her chest.

You never let her see you cry. There was an unspoken shame that you felt whenever you felt the tears coming, like you didn’t deserve to cry, like it was a privilege reserved only for those with real emotions. But if what you were feeling then, that warm sensation spread across your chest, the safeness of being enveloped in Nat’s embrace as she whispered repeated I love you’s in your ears, if that wasn’t real, nothing else on Earth was. Everything would cease to exist, and life would have no meaning.

Maybe that way you would finally deserve her.

You would learn later that Caesar had managed to get on the Avengers’ radar. It wasn’t hard to tell why; VULCAN is one of the only organizations in the world that manufactured artificial intelligence smart enough to blend into society without compromise.

“Jeez,” Clint laughed, “wonder how many of those are walking around Time Square right now.”

“If I had to guess, it'd be a lot." Tony opened a computer screen. "Which is why I've installed scanners in our metal detectors, looking for abnormally high levels of iron in a body. Could be an indication of synthetic blood. Everyone coming into the Compound will be scanned.”

“People with heart diseases and diabetes could also have high levels of iron,” Vision chimed in.

“Sounds like our accuracy could be off,” Sam noted.

“We don’t know what we’re dealing with yet, or how human-like these things are. This is our best bet right now,” Tony shook his head.

“One thing for sure, though,” Nat said, “we have to find who’s behind this. And when we do, we have to shut those androids down to prevent a national security risk.”

You weren’t in the room when the conversation happened, but you were able to hack into F.R.I.D.A.Y’s memory drive to access the recording of the meeting anyway. You needed to know what they said, even when hearing what Nat suggested broke your heart.

It is believed that the sense of smell is closely tied to memory. It is because the olfactory bulb is directly connected to the hippocampus, the section of the limbic system that processes and stores memory. You remembered the smell of the Factory as soon as you set foot in it. It was your first ever memory since before you opened your eyes; it was a sterilized, and clean smell, too much as if to hide another smell. But once you got to Caesar’s office, though, it was replaced by a softer smell of wood, and lavender.

“FD700-16.” He smiled and beckoned you over to embrace you.

“Hello, Caesar.” You let him wrap his arms around you. “I do believe this is the first time we’ve met.”

Caesar was a man of tall stature, even for his age. Lines like rivers adorned his face, and he sported a mid-length head of grey hair. There was a glint in his blue eyes that you couldn't quite decipher; at first glance, he looked like a gentle older man. You tried to scan your database for his identity, because there was no way his real name was Caesar, but your records were blank.

“But oh, is it? I’ve always been here, even before you were born.” Caesar smiled, a wicked grin. “I’ve always been there, watching over you. You were always meant for greatness, there’s no denying that.”

You swallowed a lump in your throat. “About my new objective—“

“Ah, come, we’ll talk about that later. Come, sit. You are the best model I have created so far.”

“I’ve learned a lot, sire.” You said with a small smile. “Your program has allowed me to learn things, experience emotions. I feel . . . almost human.”

“What have you learned of the files, 16?” You could tell he was growing impatient. “The one you were tasked with retrieving?”

You blinked a few times, surprised he had brushed off your comments so easily. “I’m working on it, sire.”

Caesar let out a low sigh. “Do you know why I started VULCAN? At this point, I had worked for the CIA for years. Espionage was what I excelled at, but I’ve seen how emotion clouded many of my colleague’s judgments. But I couldn’t blame them; our intellect is humanity’s greatest gift, but also our biggest downfall. And in my line of work, it could get you killed, or worse, jeopardize the mission.

I know what you’re thinking, 16. How could jeopardizing a mission be worse than dying? When you believe in something, really believe in something, it becomes bigger than you. It affects everyone involved in it, it’s not just you anymore. That is how humans have become the apex predator; we work as one.”

You took a moment to digest everything Caesar told you. It wasn’t how you saw it, but surprisingly it made sense. “So you founded VULCAN to . . . eliminate human error?”

“Now you’re getting it,” he smiled, but it looked more like a grin, him baring his teeth. “The Red Room had the same idea, but slightly flawed as it relied on human assassins. I want to take that formula and modify it, make it perfect.”

“Perfect,” you mumbled, looking up at him. “Is that what you intended for me?”

Caesar leaned back against his chair. “Perfection is never what we are, 16, but who we have the potential to be.”

You had been in the lab for hours by the time you decided to check the time. You had been working on the same model for a few days, just like Tony wanted you to; a new algorithm to deploy his rockets faster, one that he can do so manually should F.R.I.D.A.Y. had been disconnected from taking damage—a failsafe of a sort. Instead of him having to push a button or speak a command, it would run the program using the synapses in his brain as the command.

You thought you’d do your job properly, as you wouldn’t have a job tomorrow if tonight goes accordingly.

It felt easy listening to Caesar, to heed his command. It went against your program to pretend to live in this fantasy you had with Natasha, that would never come to be anyway.

Happy endings are for humans, not androids.

Caesar was right, and he was all along. He was your maker after all.

Natasha came by to pick you up. You were supposed to go to the rooftop for a picnic with her. After that you’d go back to her room and watch a movie before calling it night, except there would be no movie because by the time you leave the rooftop, Natasha would have been dead.

You had opted for an odorless and tasteless poison that would put her to sleep first so that she wouldn’t feel anything; it would simply cause her heart to go into arrhythmia and stop beating.

Nat brought you flowers when she came into the lab.

New York at night was no less beautiful than a meadow at night; the light of the city resembled a field of fireflies in the dark of the sky. Natasha made sandwiches to share between you, you prepared some strawberries, grapes, and cheese, much easier to slip the poison into—fluid mixing with the juices of the fruit.

You brought a small lantern to light up the space where you would set up your date; it seemed almost beautiful and peaceful.

She gave you a kiss as soon as she sat down. “I love this, babe.”

You flashed a smile back. “Only the best for my best girl.”

There was a hint of a blush on her rosy cheeks. Please don’t eat the strawberries.

“Yelena says she’ll be in town next week, says she misses you. Almost like she only came to visit you.” Nat smiled with a roll of her eyes. “She mentioned something about wanting to go to an art museum. Maybe you guys should go to the Met together.”

“I’d like that,” you said, watching the way she put her chin on her fold knee. “How long is she staying?”

“A week, but she always overstays her welcome anyway.”

“Nat?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t eat the strawberries.”

“Hm? Why?”

“Cause they’re kinda going bad,” you grimaced. “I’m sorry, I was in the lab all day. Forgot to go pick up fresh ones.”

“Really? We bought these like two days ago.”

“Well, they are from Trader Joe’s.”

Your skin jumped when she picked up the fruit, bringing it up to smell it, before taking a small nibble from it.

“You didn’t think it’d be that easy, would you?”

“What?” You blinked.

She spat out the piece she had in her mouth, and set the strawberry down.

“How did you know?” You sighed.

“When you stopped using the main entrance to the Compound, and only used the entrance from the living quarters.” Natasha clenched her jaw. “I should have guessed sooner, but I guess I was too afraid to admit it.”

The loud bang of the door blowing off its hinges left you completely on edge. FBI agents shouting with their guns pointed at you, and soon enough you were entirely surrounded.

Your eyes filled with tears as you looked back at Nat, seeing her without emotion. But you knew her; she was trying really hard.

“I’m sorry, for everything,” you said before deploying a smoke bomb and jumping off the building to your escape.

Natasha sat, slumped on the picnic cloth still with food and her affection spread out. “I know,” she whispered, hoping the night’s wind would carry her words to you.

PART I, PART III

[aita-blorbos]

(Cw mild brief descriptions of gore)

AITA for knowingly sending my son into a death trap?

I (61M) have owned this rental location for animatronics for several years ago, and have been using them for experiments for a while since one of them killed my daughter and got the restaurant shut down. Now, recently they've been becoming increasingly aggressive towards me, as I give them controlled shocks to keep them in line, and they're partially made from the souls of five children I murdered. And so, I can no longer go down there.

So what I did is asked my son (26M) to head down there, telling him that he could put his sister (died several years ago) back together. What ended up happening was the animatronics down there fused themselves into one being, scooped all of my son's organs out, and wore him as a skinsuit while his body rotted away, before leaving his corpse on the sidewalk. He died, of course, but came back to life, and proceeded to send me a voicemail threatening my life.

Now, I know I do not come across well here. But you must understand, there was much on the line for me. Did I know my son would most likely die if he was sent down there? Of course! He's always resembled me, after all. And was I the one to cause the deaths of the souls haunting the animatronics, including my daughter's? Absolutely. But I am a scientist first and a father, and had I not been able to keep my experiments going... knowledge is an immensely meaningful pursuit. You expect me to give that up, for what?

And my son isn't blameless either. You see, when he was fourteen, he played a practical joke on my other son, and caused his death. And to send me, his father, a threatening voicemail because he's angry I didn't tell him everything is simply disrespectful. Why, that voicemail prompted me to take apart the other animatronics that had the dead childrens' souls, and they proceeded to corner me, making me fear for my life! I went into the suit that I used to kill those children because of their threats, and it painfully slaughtered me, causing me to bleed out slowly and painfully! How could anyone side with him for that? All this grief I've been given, all because my son decided to threaten my life after I sent him into a deathtrap.

Now, of course, I am still alive. My body is bleeding out and barely functional, but one thing you must know about me is that I am an immensely determined man. I refuse to succumb to something as menial as death. Even if it did take me for a moment, even if it took me for several years, I'll never let myself simply fall into its jaws. No matter what, I'll always come back.

This brings up the fact that my son is still alive, and functionally immortal, all thanks to me! Granted, his body is rotting away and he's become a shambling corpse that's just barely keeping itself together, but he is still alive. And my death was far more painful- his organs getting scooped out only hurt for a moment, while I've been left with sharp pieces of metal and electronics piercing my entire body as I bleed out. He has the nerve to think he's entitled to hunt me down after I caused his painful death, while MY death was far worse?

And so, I return to the question I asked at the start of this post. I knowingly sent my son into a deathtrap, and he proceeded to send me a threatening voicemail. I truly and honestly do not think I was in the wrong here, but I find your feedback extremely valuable. AITA?

(Fandom: FNAF)

[canirove]

In The Name of Love | Chapter 7

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

"Ferran, is this allowed?"

"Not really" he shrugs. "But you aren't the first girl we are sneaking into the hotel, and won't be the last" he smirks.

"What if they see us?"

"I'll deal with that, don't worry."

"And what if he doesn't want to see me?"

"He will, Val. For the past month he's been looking like shit again, like when they made him play every game under the sun. But you should have seen his face on the bus on our way to the stadium. His smile. That was my Pepi."

"You need to stop calling him that, he doesn't like it."

"I know" Ferran winks. "And this is his room."

"How did you manage to get the key?"

"I can be very charming" he smiles.

"That charm didn't work on Luis Enrique's daughter, did it?" I chuckle.

"I had not missed your witty comments, Val. Anyway, go make yourself comfortable, he'll be here any moment now. And try to fix things before fucking. Or first fuck and then talk. I don't know, whatever works for you."

"Thank you, Ferran" I say, rolling my eyes. 

"My pleasure" he replies, taking my hand and kissing it like he always does before saying goodbye. "See you around, Val."

"Bye" I say, walking into the room. 

Just like his own back home, it is an organized mess. There are shoes on the floor, a towel thrown on a chair, a phone charger hanging from the bed's headboard… And a book on the bedside table. "Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azkaban." 

"You've kept reading" I smile, touching its cover. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"You spend hours traveling and in hotel rooms. Why don't you pick up a book instead of playing FIFA all the damn time?" 

"Because reading is boring."

"Not if you find a genre you enjoy. For example, what movies do you like watching?"

"Anything Marvel" Pedri says, his eyes fixed on the tv.

"Those are comics, you could read them."

"But if I've already watched the movies, what's the point?" 

"Sometimes, if not always, the books are better than the movies."

"Sure. And 5-0. That will be happening in real life very soon" he smirks.

"Militao and Alaba won't allow it" I reply, sticking out my tongue. "But that's not what we were talking about. What other movies do you like?"

"I don't know… Harry Potter?" he shrugs.

"Have you read the books?"

"They are for kids."

"Said the old man" I laugh.

"You know what I mean" he says, trying to tickle me. 

"Pedri, don't" I warn him, moving away from him. "But you've given me an idea."

"Tickling contest followed by sex?"

"No." 

"Then I'm not interested."

"We are gonna have our own movie and book club."

"What?"

"You'll read a book, then we'll watch the movie together, and then we'll discuss which one is better."

"You won't be reading with me?"

"If I have time, I will. I promise."

"Ok…"

"Do we have a deal, then?" I say, offering him my hand.

"We do" he replies, taking it and using it to pull me against him. 

"Pedri!" I laugh while he moves me until I am straddling him.

"Can we now have my tickling contest followed by sex?" he smirks. 

"We can skip the tickling" I say, wrapping my arms around his neck. "But tomorrow we are going to a bookshop and buying you the first Harry Potter book."

"Fine" he sighs. "Can I kiss you now?"

"You can… Pedri Potter" I laugh.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Val?"

"Oh, shit" I say, coming back from my memory, the book falling from my hands. 

"What are you doing here? Who let you in?"

"Ferran" I say, standing up and leaving the book on the small table.

"Ferran, of course" he scoffs. "Was this his idea?"

"Kind of. I didn't want to sneak in, but I needed to talk with you, so" I shrug.

"Talk about what?"

"Us. Me. I want to explain everything to you."

"We can't talk while you are wearing that."

"What?"

"My shirt. I can't focus knowing that my name is on your back."

"Oh, sorry" I say, playing with the hem of the shirt. "I thought you would like it, but I can put on a jacket or something if it bothers you."

"It doesn't bother me, Val. Well, it does, but not in the way you are thinking."

"What?" I ask again, looking at him. 

"It bothers me because you don't know how many times I've pictured you wearing it. How many times I've imagined us fucking while you only have my shirt on. And now here you are" he says, slowly walking towards me. "In my mind you are always wearing the Barça one, but oh well."

"That will never happen" I reply, my voice shaking a bit. 

"I know" he says, getting closer. He's looking at me as if I was his prey, as if any moment now he will jump at me and devour me. And it is turning me on. Big time. 

"Then…" 

"Then we are gonna have to do something about this" he says, now just one step away from me. 

"About what?"

"Me wanting to fuck you."

"Aren't you still mad at me?"

"I am. I'm mad. Disappointed. Sad. Confused. And fucking hard, Val. I want to bend you down on that bed and make you scream of pleasure while I see my name on your back."

"Then do it" I hear myself saying.

"But you came here to talk."

"We can talk later." 

"You'll be too exhausted to talk after I'm done with you."

"Nothing like trying" I say, closing almost all the space between us, my heart feeling like it is about to explode inside my chest.

"Are you sure?" Pedri asks, arching one of those perfect eyebrows of his.

"I am. Are you sure you can do everything you are bragging about?" I tease him, moving until our noses are almost touching. "You kids like talking and then…"

"As if I had ever disappointed you" he laughs. "That was your ex, not me."

"There always is a first time for everything."

"Not with me, and not today. Definitely not today" he says before kissing me.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Morning" I yawn.

"Good morning" Pedri smiles.

"Have I ever told you that I love your smile?"

"You've said that you like it, but I think this is the first time you've said that you love it." 

"Well, I do. I love… fuck" I complain when I move. 

"Sore, uh?"

"Yes."

"I warned you."

"Shut… ouch!" I say when I try to hit him. 

"Do you need me to carry you to the bathroom or something?" he says with a teasing smile.

"I can do it myself, thank you" I reply, slowly moving to face him while trying really hard to not complain again.

"Are you sure you don't need my help?"

"I'm fine, Pedri. I've been this sore before."

"With whom?" he laughs. "I'm sure your ex never did what I can. Or made you feel the way I do."

"He didn't, no. But last year Emma convinced me to go to one of the classes she takes at the gym, and for the next four days I felt like this."

"So you are just out of practice, uh?" he smirks.

"I am, yes. A month of doing nothing, and look at me. I'm getting old" I sigh.

"You aren't old, Val" Pedri laughs. "And I can help with your fitness. Because I'm a professional athlete and all that."

"Of course" I laugh. "Anyway… Is it ok if we have that chat now?"

"Sure" he smiles.

"Ok" I say, taking a deep breath. "I've rehearsed this many times in my head, so let's hope I remember everything."

"There is no rush, take your time" he says, caressing my cheek.

"I have time, my plane doesn't leave until late in the afternoon. But yours?"

"That doesn't matter now, Val. Talk."

"Yes, ok. So, umm… I guess I should start from the beginning, right?"

"For example" he chuckles.

"So… Marc and I have basically known each other our whole lives. We went to the same school, same high school, same university… And I think I always had a crush on him. Like, I can't remember a moment before we started dating where I didn't think he was… perfect. He comes from a really good family, very posh to be honest. And he is charming, intelligent, super nice with everyone, handsome… The man every mother would like for their kid. And when we both were 15, he asked me out. We were in the same group of friends with Silvia and Isabel too, and half the girls in our high school were in love with him. But he chose me. The girl who didn't drink or partied, the one who knew Real Madrid's starting eleven by heart instead of how to do her makeup, the one who didn't dress fancy, the one who wasn't considered one of the hot girls but neither an ugly one. I was just… there. And he saw me."

"Because you have something, Val, I already told you. I still don't know what it is, but… It is there."

"Yeah, well, thank you" I smile, feeling my cheeks getting warm. "Anyway, after he asked me out we started dating, and that made many girls jealous, Isabel the first of them all. Looking at it now I can see that she bullied me for years, but back then I didn't understand what she truly meant with her comments."

"And Marc didn't do anything?"

"No, he didn't. I think he didn't notice either. Or that's what I want to believe" I shrug. "When we went to uni, Isabel was sent abroad, and during those years without her, everything was perfect. I had met new friends, I was loving what I was studying, and Marc and I were better than ever. But then we both finished our degrees, and everything changed." 

"Isabel came back?" 

"Among other things, yes. Even though we had just moved in together, I felt like our relationship wasn't going anywhere. Silvia had just met Pau for example, and I kept looking at them or some of our other friends and then at us, and something was missing. And then I found myself jobless. Marc had been offered a position on the bank where he had done his internship the moment it was over while I had nothing. I didn't know what to do, if I should keep studying or what. I even started having doubts about teaching, wondering if I had wasted my time and money on a career that I didn't truly like, on something that I wasn't made for. And seeing him thriving while I had all that in my head, wasn't helping our relationship."

"Did you ever tell him?"

"I tried, but he always was so busy…"

"And he didn't notice something was off with you?" Pedri asks, putting a lock of hair behind my ear.

"Never."

"What a shitty boyfriend, then."

"Yeah" I chuckle. "Thankfully everything started to change when I met Emma. Silvia had booked us a pottering lesson and she was there all alone, so we asked her to join us and we instantly connected. Back then she was working at an academy teaching extracurricular lessons with kids of different ages and that they were looking for people to cover for someone who had just retired. She asked me if I was interested, I said yes, and I suddenly found myself with a job and feeling alive again. It was as if all my doubts and fears had disappeared, as if I was me again. The only thing stopping me from moving on and enjoying myself again, was Marc."

"So you broke up with him."

"I did."

"How did he take it?"

"Really good. He said that we had made it to a point where we were more like flatmates sharing the same bed than boyfriend and girlfriend."

"But he never bothered to talk about it with you. He sounds like a bit of a coward, doesn't he?"

"He is, yes. After we broke up I moved in with Silvia, but I still wasn't feeling completely like myself. And then, the night at the opera happened."

"The night… I'm lost" Pedri says.

"Remember when I told you about the engagement party, that it was themed as a night at the opera?"

"Oh, yes."

"Well, six months after Marc and I broke up, he and Isabel were going on a date to the opera and sharing their first kiss." 

"Six months?" 

"Yep."

"He didn't waste his time, did he?"

"And neither did Isabel. The moment she found out we had broken up she was all over him. This was her chance and she wasn't gonna let it pass."

"And she didn't" he laughs.

"She did not, no. I was so angry when I found out. The person I had shared my life with for a decade was now dating the woman who had bullied me for years. And according to most of our friends, I didn't have the right to feel like that because I had been the one who had broken up with him."

"What?"

"Yeah" I sigh. "Anyway, a couple of years passed, I got used to them, dated some guys here and there and started to work at my current school, but I still couldn't let go of that anger, I couldn't close that chapter of my life. Then they announced their engagement, and I met you."

"And I made you forget."

"Exactly" I say, moving closer and caressing his cheek. "You were exactly what I needed to finally leave them in the past, to move on, to fully enjoy this new life I had started after breaking up with Marc. You made me forget about them and my anger, but also made me stop thinking that I was a failure because I had wasted the best years of my life with a man who didn't deserve me or because I wasn't getting married and having kids like everyone else. You were the key that closed that door, but also the one who allowed me to completely open the one of my new life. The life I wanted, one that was mine and no one else's."

"Then why didn't you tell me about Marc? Why didn't you tell me all this?"

"Because I was afraid, Pedri. Afraid of losing you because you are still young and knowing all this about me could scare you and make you run away. Afraid of opening up to someone again after everything I went through. Afraid because maybe telling you could open that door again and make me realize that I had been lying to myself, that he isn't in the past."

"And is he?" he says, wiping away a tear.

"He is. He definitely is, now I know it, 100%."

"Good. Because Val…" Pedri says, cupping my face and making me look him in the eyes. "I have feelings for you. I'm not sure about what they are exactly, at least not yet. I have never felt like this with any other girl I've been with, you know? But I do know that I want to be with you. And I want you to be able to trust me, to open up to me, to tell me everything and anything that worries you. I'm here for you, Valeria. I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank you" I smile between sobs. "But I like it better when you call me Val."

"What?"

"Marc always called me Valeria. Always. And I found it so annoying… Not even my mum calls me like that, only when she's angry with me."

"Ok" he laughs. "Then I will only call you Valeria when I'm angry with you."

"And during sex."

"What?" Pedri laughs again. "Is that some kink or something?"

"When you moan my name it turns me on" I smirk.

"Interesting" he smiles.

"Are we ok, then? Have we made up?"

"We have." 

"Thank God" I sigh.

"That much did you miss me?" 

"I did, yes. You can ask Silvia and Emma if you don't believe me. And before you say it… I missed everything about you. Not just the physical part."

"One would start to think that you've caught feelings, Miss Val" he says with a teasing smile.

"And one may not be wrong. But step by step, ok?"

"Step by step" he says before kissing me.

[yuseirra]

Is it readable? :) I might organize this all properly someday; I've written so much that I might be overdoing it.

Until the author confirms anything, I can't really say for sure. But...

Kamiki's personality feels like something I could handle well—I think I understand it? This kind of personality is somewhat familiar to me. (I wouldn't talk about something this much if I didn't have a clue)

But if I'm on the right track, I don’t think he really did anything to Ai...

Honestly, what kind of story was the author trying to tell? What did they want to convey through this character?

If Kamiki were truly responsible for harming Ai, they absolutely should not have structured the latter part of the story this way! I found it so strange that I couldn’t help but think Kamiki isn’t the culprit in that regard. It’s just too out of sync. If the story had been written to point to him, it would have been obvious, but instead, it feels like the exact opposite. It seems like he wouldn’t do something like that—unless it was an accident. I think this was a intentional writing choice.

We need to know the extent of his responsibility to determine how much guilt should be assigned, don’t we? How could they just leave that unresolved? And honestly... it really doesn’t seem like he did it.(To me, at least) I feel like I’ve pieced together an outline of his personality, but there’s a gap in the middle...

If he really didn’t do much wrong (after separating from Ai and until her death), his personality has remained surprisingly consistent up to this point. He’s actually been living with almost the same personality all along.

When it comes to Aqua’s character...or any of the other characters in this series, I don’t overthink other characters to this extent. But with this guy, it’s frustrating because the author hasn’t shown us enough to know for sure. I can only speculate since they haven’t given us clear answers—it’s maddening and exhausting.

I also feel like I might not agree with other people's interpretations of this character, so I avoid looking at them... The situation being tied to such a heinous crime makes it stressful to think about, even though it’s just a story.

If the author wants to show that Kamiki and Ai really loved each other—and it does feel like they did—then they need to properly address Kamiki’s alleged involvement in orchestrating murder. What DID he actually do?? Why don't they confirm this? This isn’t even a seinen manga; it’s technically a shounen category, isn’t it? It’s just too harmful. They should give out a clear stance on how crimes like this should be handled...but he isn't really punished for having harmed Ai in the end. It's about not understanding her and for his other mishaps so; again, I think this is written like this for a reason but it's vague and unclear!!!; why???

From what I can see, Kamiki didn’t have the kind of personality to commit such an act at that point in time. But this isn’t something that can be left ambiguous, is it? The ambiguity itself feels like an indication he’s not the culprit, I guess.

I keep trying to sync my feelings with what he may have possibly felt when I make fanworks (though it’s not great for my mental health).

Kamiki’s personality has some very consistent and unique traits. As I mentioned before, he tends to accept and believe whatever others tell him at literal face-value.

Thus, he isn't inherently bad, but it does mean he’s vulnerable to becoming evil.

As you watch, you start to feel like this degree of influence isn’t human. A normal person wouldn’t change so drastically based on what others tell them. But Kamiki seems to shift completely depending on the people around him and what they say.

In that sense, Kamiki hasn’t really changed much since he was a child.

He’s a deeply pure being. By now, being over 30, he should be responsible for his own life—and I agree with that—but it seems like he unknowingly veered off course after taking the wrong first step, causing everything to fall apart. The point at which this started might not even matter anymore. Still, shouldn’t we at least know what he did or didn’t do and what he intended to do? This is a story, and he should’ve been more fleshed out!

I place a lot of importance on malice, and Kamiki surprisingly doesn’t come across as malicious. It feels more like he was shaped that way by what he learned and believed. At this point, he might have developed some malice, but it seems more like he became this way because of others’ influence rather than by his own doing. He feels like dough that was kneaded into shape by whoever handled him.

His nature doesn’t seem inherently bad—if anything, it feels good—but he was warped along the way. People can be influenced to a degree, but Kamiki feels like a blank slate. He could’ve become either an angel or a devil. His sense of self is weak, and while he might have some interest in morality, he doesn’t seem to question or doubt others much—he just believes what they say.

When he separated from Ai, it was likely for the same reason: he simply believed and accepted what she said, even though they had their shared experiences. If someone told him, “Carry the burden of the dead,” or “You’re empty inside,” he believes it. If he was taught to act a certain way, he’d try to follow that too. Even so... this is extreme, isn’t it?

He’s intelligent—probably very smart, based on how he’s written. But being clever and being wise or discerning are different things. Now that I think about it, Kamiki’s personality might be similar to Hatsutori from Cell of Empireo, who also trusted everything others told him and tried to become a "star(god)" for their sake.(and that guy was my fav from that particular series too o<-<) Oh hey, coming to think of it, that story is also all about being a "star" with it being linked to divinity. Wow.

Maybe Kamiki’s an INFJ? He’s incredibly emotional—definitely an F. Ai, on the other hand, seems more T-oriented, so she probably hurt him a lot with her words... He wouldn’t be able to respond strongly to her, either. Has he ever shown strong actions? Even when facing Aqua, he didn’t do anything significant. That’s just who he is, right? I didn’t think he’d ever attack Aqua or act aggressively, and I was right. He likely never saw Aqua as an enemy. In fact, he probably liked Aqua quite a bit.

He’s heavily influenced by others, has a weak sense of self, and bases his actions on what others tell him. He tends to adapt to the image others have of him, responding with, “Oh, is that so? Then I’ll be that way.” Ironically, this adaptability and responsiveness might give him a charismatic charm in certain contexts, drawing people to him.

This kind of existence feels almost godlike. Cult leader archetypes often have personalities like this. Once such individuals solidify a fixed image of themselves, they can move beyond being influenced by others to influencing others instead. (What’s frustrating is how many of my random guesses end up being correct. I joked that he might as well be a cult leader, and a chapter or two later, it seemed plausible...it was ridiculous)

Both Ai and Kamiki have traits that are missing in regular humans (like being unable to get angry) and others that are excessive(and being extremely benevolent and trying to accept everything). They’re unusual in some fundamental way.

Considering the hint about gods unaware of their divinity and other elements, these two don’t seem like ordinary humans. Their children being reincarnated with a mission suggests things. It feels like they were originally deities overseeing the entertainment industry, reincarnated to intervene, but something went wrong, and they ended up twisted in the process.

Ai is more capable in some ways, but they could’ve complemented each other’s deficiencies.

But they broke apart...

From the way I see it, they shouldn’t have separated. They would’ve been fine together—no, not just fine, they seemed perfectly matched, like a mythic pairing. It wasn't their problem that they broke up, it was more due to the external factors. I see them having been really content with each other. They do express such feelings, don't they.

(Adding this: I once analyzed Kamiki’s personality as someone who has a constant desire to give. That’s likely how he expresses love. Initially, he gave to everyone around him, but after meeting Ai, he decided to focus on her. He probably asked himself what he could do for her and acted accordingly, continually offering “something.” I think this “something” is supernatural in nature—likely “light.”

Unable to accept the loss of the dead, he seemed desperate to preserve her in some way. Given Ai’s career as a celebrity, he might’ve tried to immortalize her through “presence” or memory.

His actions probably stemmed from wanting to give her something, but if he still needed guidance at that age, it’s likely due to a poor environment in his youth shaping his worldview.

Maybe he wanted to give her something tangible but couldn’t, so he turned to more abstract offerings.

Still, I don’t think that’s all there is to it. As I’ve mentioned before, he probably did what he did because it was the only way he could truly reach Ai and feel her presence.)

The story undeniably contains supernatural elements. Without these elements, the story doesn’t hold up. Character analyses, motivations—none of it would make sense without them. This is something I keep pointing out, but I know... it’s often dismissed as unrealistic, which is frustrating. The story itself is frustrating!! It explains nothing! No matter how hard I think, everything ultimately depends on the author, so yeah..; sigh

This work makes me want to study psychology more;; I’ve never encountered a character who brings out so much analysis from me. This manga doesn’t provide clear answers, that's why!! So I keep writing about things to make sense of it. Normally, I’d stop after one or two posts and that'd be enough, actually, I don't even write posts, just having it in my head would be enough...

[afreakingdork]

Hey Dork! I've been rereading the newest chapter of Soft Spot over and over again, and now I need to ramble. I hope you don't mind, and I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense 😅 I have a hard time organizing and articulating my thoughts.

I think it's interesting how you went about showing different kinds of parenting from the perspectives of someone who wanted to be a parent (Donnie) and someone who moreso had the responsibility thrust upon them (Splinter, and on a lesser note, Raph)

We've seen Donnie go through the motions throughout the entirety of Soft Spot. We see the initial desire, the highs and lows throughout trying, the joy when it eventually happens. And then we hear his thoughts about whether he's even worthy of such a gift! But he wants this, and he's willing to take the bull by the horns so to speak.

Now with Splinter, there's no denying he loves his sons. If push came to shove, he absolutely would lay down his life for them. But when it comes to actually parenting them... yeah, there's much to be desired there.

But I can sort of understand both sides of the situation. For Splinter, after a life as a movie star, getting kidnapped and enslaved twice and then turning into a rat is definitely going to have a negative toll on your mental health. And not being able to talk to anyone about the trauma was going to leave it unresolved for a very long time. So you can understand why he'd be deeply depressed after the fact.

But he also had three children at the time. And it's super obvious that he just wasn't emotionally ready for that. So Raph, being the oldest, had to pick up the slack. And while Splinter and his boys have a good relationship now, it left all of them with some baggage.

And what must Donnie think about that whole mess? For years, he had heard Splinter talk about how much he wanted him, how much he loves and cares about him even after all his misdeeds. And then, for the first time, he's finally hearing about the kind of father Splinter actually was.

It gets Donnie, someone who wanted a child in the first place and fought to get it, thinking. And there's a certain catharsis when he gives Splinter his verbal smack down, even if you still feel some sympathy for the rat man.

And then the acknowledgement of Raph's efforts 😭 He's not technically a parent, but there's no denying the role he played in his brothers' lives. Leo and Mikey, while still not the greatest, are better for having Raph play that role for them. Donnie already had it in his head that Raph was the only option for the role of godfather, hearing about his efforts just further solidified it.

I don't know how to conclude this, so I think I'll just stop here. But just know my brain is full to bursting with so many thoughts 🤯 I shall make you some art later, when my brain is a bit clearer.

I never mind! Please feel free to ramble to your hearts content; I love to read it!!! 💞💞💞 Also, who made all y'all so self conscious about this 'making sense' concept! I will take them down!! Every single one of you is insanely eloquent and I won't have you talking yourselves down!!

This chapter being called piecemeal was very purposeful. We are seeing a ton of fragments of things we've never seen before. From the other side of Splinter's supposedly amazing parental skills to what happened from the final as of yet unknown side the night Raph got acid dumped on it, it's all about perspective!

I cannot tell you how perfectly you've captured my intention. This is everything I hoped to convey in my writing and more. I never mean to condemn Splinter's parenting. As reader said, Splinter did the best he could with what he was given. It goes all along with the larger schemes of Weak/Soft Spot still toying with that concept of what really is evil or good.

UGH!! Reading this was truly such a pleasure. I can't thank you enough for analyzing my work. You are truly such a pleasure, meg! Feel free to drop by anytime and WAH THANK YOU FOR EVEN THE IDEA OF FANART!!!!

[autistic-crypt1d]

Wraith vs Goa'uld

Ok so these are basically the 2 biggest enemies in Stargate SG-1 and Atlantis. We've seen both of these enemies go up against the replicators and honestly they get their asses handed to them REPEATEDLY. I mean the only way the Wraith survived them was by turning off the directive sending them at them. We already know who'd win there, but I'm curious about who'd win between the Wraith and the Goa'uld. This is what I've theorized while being in season 1 of SGA rewatch (Edit: I finished it now, wrote this a while ago) and like a year since my last SG-1 rewatch so if I forget stuff, that's why.

Firepower:

The Goa'uld have it here I think. I mean, they've got staff weapons which kill vs the stun guns wraith have. Wraith ships are organic and quite sensitive when it comes to traveling fast due to the risk of ripping the hull in two. Even the zat gun, their version of a stun gun, can still kill, not to mention their personal shields (not that that'd stop a wraith from feeding on them, but from the blasts yes). The Wraith are too focused on preserving the life of their victims in order to feed to win this potion in my opinion.

Numbers:

This is a hard one to me to be honest. The Goa'uld have the Jaffa with them (if we're talking about their prime at least), and the Goa'uld themselves, both of which have long life spans and healing capabilities. Neither of these come even close to the Wraiths abilities though (those mf basically have to be nuked in order to die if they've eaten recently). I honestly think the Wraith might have the numbers on this though given the sheer scale we see in SGA, plus they're harder to kill.

Battle tactics:

The Goa'uld really take a hit here honestly. Both species are incredibly cocky but the Wraith are smart. The Goa'uld genuinely believe they're gods who could never be defeated and that's what gets them wiped out in the end. The Wraith's confidence comes from their victories, from the fact that they beat the ancient's asses so hard the few survivors ran to another galaxy to get away from them. They're powerful, smart, hard to kill, and they know they have the numbers on any other thing in the pegasus galaxy who could rival them technologically. Strategically, they whoop the Goa'uld.

Technology:

The wraith 1000%. The Goa'uld have tech, yeah, but they stole like all of it. The wraith did it all, were they inspired by the ancients? Probably, but they made their shit. They grew ships for fucks sake! They figured out ancient tech, they could figure out any tech you could possibly throw at them and we see that repeatedly. They do not fuck around, Goa'uld don't have scientists, not on their level anyway. I mean, do you see the Goa'uld hacking the replicators? No, those dudes just died in the face of them.

Conclusion:

Honestly I think the Goa'uld would shit themselves in the face of the Wraith. The Goa'uld need to be feared to stay in power but the Wraith are fear. They are the thing in the dark. They might not have the fire power the snake dudes have but I'm confident they would whoop them. I do wonder what tf would happen if a Goa'uld got a Wraith as a host. THAT is horrifying to think about, I mean, it would not be wrong in having the cockiness they do at that point tbh.

Anyway, I'd love to hear your thought on the matter, agreeing or disagreeing!

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

I don't know if you're still doing the ask game, but how about 1, 22, and 25? For Jason, and Steph too if you're up for it :D

--Cologona

Because I could still find it: yes! Still doing this ask game :3 Sorry it took so long to answer!

1) Why do you like or dislike this character?

I spent like seventy years attempting to find the post with this meme on it so I could give credit lmao, but I could not for the life of me, so uh, just know that I'm remaking this thing from memory I guess???

Jason is the bee in my bonnet, the rock in my shoe, and I am chewing on him forever and ever - meanwhile I will enjoy pretty much any comic about Steph simply because I love watching her do her thing :3

But to go into more detail I really enjoy Steph's narration style and the way she navigates the world. She feels very refreshingly street level and hopeful. Also as someone who grew up as the only "girl" (trans man but egg) in my martial arts class which was taught by a detective with a very drill sargent/tough-love approach to teaching and got an extra helping of PTSD as a result... watching her struggle, get dismissed bc of her gender, and go on to become a great hero despite Batman and his bullshit feels really fucking good. Def love Batgirl 2009

Jason on the other hand is just so deliciously messy. He's hurt a lot of people, but at the same time his anger is super justified! He's intimately familiar with violence in a way that I think makes him unable to conceptualize trust and gauge what an 'appropriate' response is. There's been several times where he's expressed the idea that serious violence by him against others is just normal and forgivable and not a big deal. There's something so compelling to me about that bc I think he really does see it that way, and it comes from a place of him being extremely used to receiving violence and being expected to forgive and not hold it against them. That wall of text in the meme picture is a tiny fraction of one of my essays on him. He's got so many fascinating layers and I love peeling him apart and putting him back together like a robot performing surgery on a grape.

Sometime after I finish Chained, I really want to write Four and Twenty Blackbirds, which is a fic concept I've had for ages now that puts them together in a lesbian/gay man queer relationship. The premise is that somehow or other Steph comes back to Gotham secretly/early and Jason is the first one to find her and they end up building a weird organized crime/community support organization called The Blackbirds.

Not sure on the timeline. Maybe it'll start before Under the Red Hood? Maybe after a modified Hush plotline?? In any case: Jason offers to preform High Vengeance against Black Mask either for or with her. She does not want him killed! She would feel like that went completely against everything she died for. However, she does want that fucker taken down, and is touched that Jason clearly genuinely cares. Also I'm going to have Jason assume without question that she is fully competent and his equal. Unlike every other vigilante in town, she will never have to prove herself to him. So anyways she tells him that yeah, she wants her revenge, but it's gonna happen her way, and the plot moves on from there, as together they destroy and co-opt Black Mask's organization and establish a territory for themselves :3

22) If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

Unless given a reading suggestion by someone else, I exclusively read JayTim fanfiction, which heavily skews what I look for and see in fic. I'm also pretty damned picky lol I write much more fic than I read these days

Even the most basic, stripped down version of Stephanie's core concepts and background ought to be enough to conclude that she would have very complex feelings about both Jason and Tim and them dating each other. She had a supervillain father and a character arc about learning to value the lives of even her worst enemies. Now her ex is dating a guy who had a henchman father and the same character arc in reverse, a guy who specifically targeted her killer in order to get back at the mentor who bears some responsibility for both her death and his own. They are so uniquely poised to understand each other from across this fascinating chasm, both in terms of approaches to vigilantism and dating Tim. You could not ask for a more fertile storytelling ground, regardless of if you want her to be supportive or not.

So yeah, for Stephanie I like it when she has a personality outside of cheerleading Tim while being vaguely sweet and quirky.

The bar is in Hell here folks, and out of the hundreds of fanfics I've read I've only ever seen it cleared twice. And that's only if we include my own goddamned writing. This goes beyond normal fandom simplification, especially when you factor in that Cass, famously against all killing Cass, gets similarly denuded of all internal motives and qualities in favor of being (sometimes literally) wordlessly supportive for no apparent reason, while in those same fics the male characters get to have opinions and internal viewpoints. JayTim nation, I am praying for us to learn how to write women, truly.

Now on to Jason!

I think of Jason as someone who is intense in every facet of himself. He can be cruel and mistrustful or tender and romantic, but no matter what he is I want him to be a little unhinged with it, a little too deep, a little too incapable of not giving a fuck. I want this man lost in the sauce, whatever that sauce may be.

I dislike him being overly apologetic, which practically translates to me disliking most fics in which he is apologetic at all lol I do think he would come to regret some of his actions, but I tend to think those would be different actions than the ones he's usually depicted apologizing for. For instance, I can absolutely see him apologizing to a victim of the Joker for not killing him when he got the chance, but I don't really think he'd have the framework to consider his fights with Tim to have been all that far out of line.

25) What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Ohhhhhhh boy that was fuckin ages ago??? I'm not honestly sure I remember, though I do know that I read JayTim fanfics before anything else that involved these characters, so it had to have been based on that.

...Gah, I don't even remember how I found this ship lol! I mean I started with Boostle?? Maybe JayTim was in the background somewhere of one of those fics? idk

I suppose my first impressions were that Jason was a Big Mood deeply traumatized and lashing out bc of that, and Stephanie was gir waffles XD random rawr means I love you in dinosaur.

Anyhow, thank you very much for the ask @cologona! As per usual with these things I hope it was a fun read and you have a good day and all that jazz :3

[genork-the-fandork]

Human

Word Count: 775 Prompt: Life & Death Featured Characters: Halara Nightmare, Yakou Furio (brief) A/N: So, Halara might be the love of my life. I've definitely said that to someone about Kirigiri and Chiaki and Rantaro, and I mean it for all three, I assure you. Halara is just so awesome, it's such a shame we don't get to see more of them post their feature in Chapter 1. I don't know what it is about Kodaka's badass characters, man. Plus, canonically nonbinary? Literal monarch shit. This drabble is a reference to their line about only trusting the dead, and in case it wasn't clear, I'm using they/them pronouns for Halara! And yes, I intend to have Halara be the "face" of my content this week! :3 Note: I know Halara is allergic to cats, but pretend they found a way to not touch this one. You'll see what I mean if you read! @raincodeweek

Trigger Warning: Animal death & implied cruelty.

Halara Nightmare despised all humans, viewed them all as worthless. Even the World Detective Organization could not assuage the filth they saw in every human's countenance. Humans were good for one thing, and one thing only: payment. Though they had every confidence in their skills, they knew it was worth nothing unless there was money behind it. And Halara was never lacking for it, thanks to the wealth offered for services rendered. Quite amusing, too, for some of the cases took far less time than the client intended.

Kanai Ward was no exception to this rule they had meticulously crafted over the years. The Chief was amusing, as were the rest of the detectives sent by the WDO. That did not mean Halara liked them. If they could help it, they wouldn't have to spend too long in this forsaken city. It reeked of something not quite like death, which was the only thing Halara truly respected in this world.

To a point, that is.

The stray cat looked as if she had seen better days, soaking wet and shivering. Halara crouched in such a way that they were both sheltered from the unending rain. Although the city was wet, the rain at least remained a steady pour, not nearly enough to soak one through to the bone if amply protected. The cat relished this lack of rain, shuffling closer. A slight purr rose from its chest, and Halara felt a rare genuine smile crawl up their face. They reached out, tempted to wrap the cat into their raincoat and spirit the poor feline away.

Unfortunately, their time was not ample, and they always finished a job. Halara sighed, finding a sturdy box to shepherd the cat into. "Call my name, and I will come to your aid."

Tilting its head, the cat mewed. Halara nodded. "Exactly like that."

It was almost a shame to leave the cat behind, for the assignment Chief Yakou had given them for the day was elementary, child's play. Halara almost laughed at the sour look on the client's face as they handed over the payment. Slipping the money into their raincoat, they resolved to find the cat again, perhaps slip it into the Sun and Moon Hotel. Desuhiko and Fubuki were unlikely able to keep a secret, but the way they often talked, it wasn't as if anyone would believe Halara had a secret cat.

But when Halara returned to where the cat had been, they found only death. A fierce anger overtook them at the sight of the broken corpse before her, a fierce desire to find whoever had done this and do to them what they had done to such an innocent animal. This. This was why Halara despised all humans. Their cruelty and malice truly knew no bounds. Though not all humans were to be held accountable for this specific crime, they all had the capability. In some strange way, all were culpable in this crime.

Humans were vile, and nothing would ever change that for Halara.

~ ~ ~

Yakou found them by the riverbank, cradling the box in which they had placed the cat. He didn't say it, and they didn't offer an explanation. Halara reached down as far as their arms could reach, lightly depositing the box on the water. As they expected, the box soaked through, and with its added weight, began to sink into the water. If they could remove the pollution they had heard was clogging this water, they would fix it. But for now, it was a fitting place. Still within the city of its birth, but far enough from human interference.

"Come on inside," Yakou finally said. "I promise Yuma didn't cook this time."

"In a minute." Halara rolled their candy around with their tongue. It was not unlike Yakou's cigarette, though at least the candy was not poisoning them quite as quickly as the nicotine. They expected the Chief's footsteps to recede, to leave them to their thoughts, but instead, he crouched beside them, a respectable distance away. Halara tensed nonetheless, as they always did in close quarters.

There was the unmistakable feeling that Yakou was about to say something, and finally, he did: "I'm sorry."

Halara closed their eyes. "I don't need my Forte to tell me it was cruelty. This is why I only trust the dead."

"Even when the dead are just as human as I am?"

"Even then."

He chuckled and stood. Now his footsteps receded, but Halara still made out his parting words: "So you do have a heart."

Of course I have a heart. Halara couldn't fight the grin. I'm all too human myself.

[spirit-of-a-kiger]

Am I the only one who hates Jax?

Don't get me wrong, people are absolutely allowed to like him! Hell, I even fully understand why they do; it's really just an objective fact that that buck is attractive and was doomed to become a Tumblr sexyman from the start.

That being said, just how universal that is... makes me feel kind of alone? And I really need to vent.

(Jax lovers, if you're reading this, you probably should step away at this point. And I don't mean that in a judgmental way, not even slightly. Just... for both of our sakes. I'm very unabashed in this post.)

I keep seeing people try to find some goodness in him. And that's fine! They're allowed to speculate! But honestly, like 95% of points I've seen for this argument are a pretty big stretch. I get tempted to reply as such, but I resist it because I know I would end up snapping at them if I did, and snapping at someone over a cartoon is never okay.

I hate Jax. I hate him so, so much. I genuinely, truly hope that he abstracts. The sooner, the better. Just get him out of the picture.

I don't even care about his backstory or trauma or whatever. I really think that if they try to make me feel sorry for him at this point, my response is just gonna be "'k".

It doesn't help that he has so much screentime. It makes sense if you think about it, as he is the creator's favorite character, but it really doesn't help my opinion of him.

Everything Jax does pisses me off. Literally every waking moment, he hurts somebody for absolutely no reason. And no one can stop him. He even continues to mess with Zooble - you know, the person who literally strangled him the last time he was a butt to them.

I genuinely believe that among all the other issues that would come from being trapped in the Digital Circus, being stuck with Jax every day for the rest of your life is at least in the top 3 worst. I honestly can't even imagine how horrible that would be. Like, if it were me, I would try my darnedest to shred him to pieces every time he so much as looked at me funny, but again, Zooble tried that, and all it did was repel him temporarily. Even Ragatha has pretty much given up at this point, not bothering to stick up for Gangle when Jax was bullying her while she was driving because Ragatha knew (probably from experience) that there was nothing that could be done about it.

So, yeah. This isn't entirely organized, but it's not entirely disorganized, either. I just needed to get it out of my system. It's not as good as talking, I'm finding, but it's better to do it through text than not at all. I'm not sure if I got 100% of it out, so I'll just edit or reblog or something if something new comes to mind.