#if yall dont recognize the characters:
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i call this peice the "blorbos that broke into my house and stared straight into my eyes chanting "i know *you"!
anyways ahahahahahahahahahahahahahsh
SCREAMING SCREAMIGN SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING
EDIT: SCREW IT!!! PINNED POST NOW!!
#HOW CAN I BE NORMAL WHEN SIFFRIN IS THE SINGLE MOST RELATABLE CHARACTER IVE EVER SEEN???#YOU GO IN THE HYPERSPECIFIC BLORBO PILE BUCKAROO!!!#no silly sona this time btw; this called for my normal vibes#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#if yall dont recognize the characters:#marcy wu amphibia; siffrin isat; phillip tld; leo valdez hoo; laios touden dungeon meshi#anyways!#shut up sheo#im not used to being seen so crearly and directly im gonna need a WHILE to recover#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#pinned post
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i think its weird how artists and especially youtubers will 'redesign' characters from media they deem problematic as though slapping a new coat of paint on the character erases all the issues they were rooted in to begin with. or as though redesigning the character makes them Better than the original creator, because now its THEIRS
#pine prattles#as a dude who has redesigned canon characters into ocs many times for personal benefit (drawing blorbo making silly stories)#i've never once been like yeah. i'm Better than the original/canon because i wrote something else#i see the 'problematic' media 'fixes' with hh/hb and stuff like yansim a lot#and i see the 'mine are better' 'redesigns' with stuff like su and mlp#and im just like. man. can yall just... draw fanart normal style#and understand that its okay to enjoy smth AND be critical of it#without HAVING to 'make it yours'#like if you wanted to make your own Hell Based Character Designs. you dont have to take hh/hb. you can just make new ocs#or if you wanted to make mlp ocs. no one is saying you have to draw Canon MLP Horse So Redesigned You Can't Recognize Them#or... like ppl try nd 'reclaim' HP sometimes and it makes me tired. just make a magic school. your own magic school. without the jk stuff.#idk! im tired#im surprised i've never stumbled on a 'redesigning south park characters bc theyre sorta yikessss....'#but then again. isnt that what panderverse is. they did it themselves
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listen when we say we need aroace rep - we MEAN we need AROACE REP. becuze shock of all shocks, a character being just ACE is not aroace rep! same with a character being just aro is not aroace rep. not all aroace ppl see their aro and ace identities as separate.
I for one, find it difficult to separate my aro and ace identities from each other which is why i am AROACE and not aro and ace. A character being only ace is not representing me. I do not feel represented by only an ace character. they are not even half representing me because my asexuality goes hand in hand with my aromantisism. and Ace character is not half representing aroace people. I'm sorry but i do not relate to the alloace experience because i am not alloace. so a character being only ace is not relatable to me because they are not aroace. the same goes for if a character was only aro or aroallo.
Now before anyone decides to misinterpret this post to hell and back I'm not saying that aroallo or alloace rep is bad or shouldn't exist. I'm saying stop throwing aroace rep under the bus because "Actually we need more just aro/just ace rep" as if that somehow solves the issue of aroace rep being nonexistent.
#text#aro#aroace#ace#aromantic#asexual#aspec#also if i see someone be like 'ok but all ace rep is aroace they just call it ace' im going to strangle u#if they call it ace then it is ace!!!! it is not magically aroace because u decided thats what they REALLY meant#yeah society doesnt recognize aro as an identity but that doesnt mean that all ace characters are ACTUALLy aroace im going to explode u#im just tired of it being thought that aroace ppl have it so much better and dont need rep as much as just aro or just ace ppl#im tired of aroace ppl getting thrown under the bus because we are aro and ace and so obviiously we get double the rep or some bs#if you think this is about a post you are wrong it is about many posts all saying the same thing#because even in our own communities aroace ppl are the punching bags#because no matter where we go ppl are shit talking part of our identity or treating it as less than#i swear the communities focus on fully separating aro and aceness has been more detrimental than helpful#it's gotten to a point yall think there cant be any overlap ever and have sorta pushed aroace ppl out of both communities#because 'you cant bring ace experiences into aro spaces! not everyone who is aro is aroace!'#'you cant bring aro experiences into ace spaces because not all aces are aro! we can feel love and have relationships!!!'#basically ignoring the nuance and overlap our communities have in order to try to be seen as independent identities.#idk i miss when we would work together and understand each identity as different but also see that there was similarities and overlap
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Listen shout-out to all y'all who like moash and recognize he is a nuanced and flawed character bc I do not understand the little crowd of moash lovers that are like "he didn't do anything wrong ever and the people who dislike him are stupid" I just. No? And in the reverse props to any fellow people who dislike moash but recognize he is a nuanced character who has done good and bad and the narrative purpose he holds, bc I do not understand the moash haters that are like "I don't like him as a person so therefore he's a bad character" like. He's nuanced and complex!!! You don't have to like him personally to understand his importance to the plot and what his story is and what it means for people!
#i just#im always so hesitant to share the reasons im not a fan of moash bc on both sides of the argument there seem to be people who just wanna#argue and not actually discuss his character or arc. and i dont wanna be hunted by the pro moash people like that and i dont want the anti#moash people who hate him utterly and dont recognize at least his narrative value to agree w me#anyway. ig let me know if you want this tagged as moash crit? i tried to be somewhat neutral bc thats not the point of the post but i do#come from a place of not being a fan of moash sp I'll tag it if yall want
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I just think it’s silly that so many people complain about Villain Amaya as “wasted potential” and that “we were robbed” like-
My pals, post canon fan fiction is right there. The desire to free her husband is right there. Either by touching an evil book while being too eager to remember the obsidian oil, or being possessed by contact (ie what she believes is true loves kiss) when trying to reason with him in the dungeon.
We don’t need a rewrite, we can have a continuation. Both can be true. Amaya is a complex character, she can handle it.
#Wish#Queen Amaya#I assume I'm going to get hate for this but like#I know it's not store bought and you have to still make it yourself but also#I'm kind of just tired of seeing a lot of people sh*tting on Wish because it's not the concept art#And I'm kind of over here like how about we love it recognize it has flaws and THEN try to make something new without bashing the OG?#I just love Amaya and she definitely deserves more#but her good character is so interesting and complex#she still knows how to have fun. She still can be sassy or bite.#Like she's still Magnifico's perfect partner you know? and Magnifico isn't perfect?#A truly pure person wouldn't click with Magnifico the way Amaya does...?#I would rather build on Amaya's character than say she can only be good and boring or a villain?#Amaya is so smart yall. I know you can't see it all just on the movie but like she's read every magic book in Magnifico's library#THOUSANDS OF BOOKS.#And knows basic protection spells#She's a devoted leader.#Like.#Idk#She both loves her husband and recognizes that she has to go against him.#She doesn't /turn/ on him. She addresses his flaws and tells him that it's not okay?#She still jokes with him even though she has to put him in time out. She's complex and strong and wise and kind.#And I just hate seeing so many people so quick to just say 'the concept art was better' when like... the idea might be more appealing to yo#But I hate the level of cynicism and pretentiousness I see of people saying their personal ideas of what Wish should be-#-Is better than the piece of media they claim to care about?#Like their personal vision of Wish based exclusively off the concept art is somehow intellectually superior?#And I'm not saying stop doing your rewrites or AU's or anything! Like there's definitely beautiful creativity happening!#I just hate seeing people so negative and like honestly mean. It hurts my heart to see everyone calling Wish garbage?#It's not great but I really really dont think it's as bad as everyone is saying. Like its no like Oppenheimer but it's a children's movie..#Like I personally love the Teens and Amaya#And everyone saying they stink makes me sad... Because they're just great characters?
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The whole "ascended vs spawn" debate on whether or not you're a decent human on what you decide for a fictional man or that you don't actually like him is tiring. He's not real and not fucking you either way
Tiktok sucks
#you can like a character with flaws when recognizing flaws#im so tired of people saying if you like ascended astarion that you dont like him#bitch BOTH are so interesting i love how he slowly becomes what he hated#not because “sexy vampire” but for seeing another pov of his character#also so what if someone else likes him because of those other scenes#FOCUS ON YOU IGNORE THEM YOU LIKE HIM FOR YOUR OWN REASONS#its giving danganrompa and i wont elaborate#dont even get me started on other topics revolving Astarion#yall just stay in your lanes and dont worry about what someone else is doing#although i do feel hypocritical trying to defend his feelings on poly but thats for another time
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( me: spends 5 minutes on reddit comments relevant to jjk0 me 5 minutes later: Forever bitter about the fact that Geto specifically gets watered down to his coveted technique instead of being recognized for his immense fighting prowess. Suguru was a very powerful sorcerer because of his disposition, not just his technique. First of all, every technique's potential can only be unlocked by its user; curse manipulation specifically is a 'late game'/stacking type of technique. You have to actively chase powerful curses and keep expanding your collection which is a strenuous process for both mind & body. So Suguru was not only incredibly resilient as a character but also had absolute control over his curses, to the point of being able to maneuver them in two completely different places at once.
The fight with Yuta was a showcase of his true power level. For one thing, Yuta is not just any sorcerer kid, but as the manga progresses, he is revealed to be the next Gojo in the making. So the amount of potential in Yuta is not something to be taken lightly. Second, the scattered forces make it an incredible feat because Suguru was effectively controlling curses in Kyoto and using them to aid & protect his allies while he was using Playful Cloud. It doesn't even have an imbued technique, dude. Like, bro was holding off Rika AND Yuta, a special grade sorcerer and a special grade curse, separately, with just his raw physical force amplified...
^ that's just his physical strength amplified. dude. can we just appreciate how SHREDDED Suguru was for a moment. :/
So to say Suguru was delusional about the prospect of his power sufficing to bring about a world-changing event is a bit far-fetched, to me. Like, okay he was delirious for sure, I'm not excusing him. I'm just saying, he hadn't miscalculated in terms of the actual damage he could inflict on non-sorcerer society. He actually was a great threat to the public and pretty much only Gojo could actively do something to stop him. )
#(no one: me: i just think yall dont give him enough credit! take him seriously!! )#( my suguru muse in the bg going on a 20min rant about monkey fleas ... )#( at least kenny recognized his value u.u )#out of character#tbd
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I think one reason why idgaf about people joking about sukuna being a fraud and people taking offense to it is because people genuinely called yuki useless, a fraud, fodder, or going "what was the point of this character" when she lost to one of the most powerful individuals in jjk with little to no pushback from the same people running defense for sukuna with gojo. so idk I kinda do not care if they are putting a clown wig over the villain.
#jjk#jjk spoilers#yuki tsukumo#ryomen sukuna#there's this one youtuber who runs defense about sukuna not being a fraud who would turn around and call yuki a bum#like sorry yall dont give the same leniency of being silly or losing to the strong woman character like the strong man character#do the same shit with yorozu and hana but this is the one i get petty about#i can recognize he's not a fraud but also idgaf bro let it go like how yall say the same shit with yuki
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no term of endearment gets me in fiction quite like just having a character put "my" before the other's name
#the nemesis speaks#do yall remember when there was like. discourse about this kind of thing. cause its like oooh but you dont own themmmm#that was stupid. anyway.#it's not quite this but also in oop when cyllene says they just see a recruit they don't see HER rei. it's like that.#or OUR if it's a character who's part of a recognized group.#saw some meta abt one of the characters in trigun saying ''OUR wolfwood?'' like protectively (iirc) in response to hearing some news#and its like i dont even go here but THAT gets me#as an aside. i kind of want to watch trigun. it seems like it would be up my alley#read? is the manga better? what's the diff btwn the anime versions? idk
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Ppl hate a character that's emotionally intelligent and copes well with trauma and traumatic situations. That's why everyone is so up Zoro's ass about having to have more trauma in order to give him depth... Don't you think his natural disposition and actions/reactions provide him a depth that almost no other character has??? Can he be recognized for bringing his own differences and dimension to the table?
#i think thats kind of his characters point#i also think zoro has loads of character defining moments but since its not him having an emotional breakdown 24/7#then ppl say he has no depth or development#hes had so much development since post ts#yall just dont like him for who he is#zoros shown intense emotion#zoros shown mental and physical strength#and mental and physical weakness#example#mental strength when he said the shit abojt usopp needing to apologize#mental weakness when he was cringing and silently begging usopp to apologize#hes shown cruelty#and kindness#intelligence and ignorance#empathy and callousness#hes recognized when hes improved and recognizes his short cominga#neither of which hold him back#if sanjis growth is center3d around emotional growtb#then zoro as his parallel is centered around physical#but yet yall want physical growth from sanji and emotional growth from zoro#altho zoro is very emotionally mature#and sanji is very naturally physically adept#on top of that#we get to see that Zoro is VERY impacted by previous traumas#but they dont make him freeze up#be processes fhem and copes in real time#healthy king
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random thought i had the other day: why do i see so many posts sometimes be like “okay steven universe blog” like... are we from the same website?
#steven universe#apart from steven universe raising the stakes of tv writing and allowing many shows to exist because of it ? like ???#where do people find the audacity to hate on a masterpiece? like..... idk if you prefer dude-bro series and u prefer#probably people who love walter white in breaking bad tho and defend him idk........ yall dont recognize good writing or the reasons behind#a character even if it was up your ass like....#EVEN IF you prefer ADVENTURE TIME (which is also a masterpiece that changed animation forever) it doesnt#make sense./. like... they dont like it for the same reasons i think........#probably roll their eyes on queer episodes#BUT i got news for you.... rebecca and ian were writing and storyboarding half of adventure time and literally rebecca made defined at n bui#made BUBBLINE for us and the soundtrack out of the world heart stopping songs
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i dont really like it when people dumb down Curly's characterization to just the guy enabling Jimmy. I get that that makes it easier to not like him, so that's why a lot of people do that, because they feel guilty about sympathizing with someone who's done smth fucked up like that, but i really don't think it's giving Curly the justice he deserves.
regardless of if you like him as a person or not, Curly is still a victim and he suffered greatly at Jimmy's hand. Just because he did something fucked up doesn't make him a 'monster' (sorry because i saw someone say that he looks like a monster post-crash and thats sticking with me because why TF are we saying disabled burn victims look like LITERAL MONSTERS- yall use some common sense I BEG)
Dumbing down characters is what fandom does best, but i think it particularly irks me in Mouthwashing because of the nature of the story. Jimmy already thinks of the rest of the crew poorly and doesn't see them for how they really are, we don't need to be doing that too.
I also feel like people don't really recognize the fact Jimmy manipulates and abuses Curly too, even before the crash. What Curly did was fucked up but for the love, don't dumb him down to just this one thing he did.
#as someone who loves to analyze medias for characterization patterns some of yalls takes actually pain me#its kinda obvious yall didnt actually think hard about the different scenes and the interactions between everyone#like replay the game or rewatch a play through and focus on character interactions- then come back to me#ALSO THE PREVALENT ABLEISM IN THIS FANDOM DEAR FKIN GOD#YALL REALIZE THAT BEING ABLEIST TO A FICTIONAL CHARACTER ALSO EFFECTS THE DISABLED RIGHT#thats a whole other rant post tho#mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#fuck you jimmy#curly mouthwashing#captain curly#mouth washing#riv rambling
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babe deserves the world . i feel like even in canon they're ignored or like, not as recognized as angel is? i want an audio where sam notices or smth because i cannot take this any longer.
like an audio where they just talk and YEAHYEAH i get babe cant talk but atleast like a, inadequacy-insecurity comfort from sam would save me. just saying. "you're so more than asher's mate, and i'm sorry nobody's seein' that."AUGHHWAAH
i feel like because angel is david, the alpha's partner they get a whole lot of attention and recognition, atleast more than babe had ever gotten. istg they're getting the lovely treatment of being reduced to asher's partner and nothing more.
i do hope for more about babe's inner feelings/character is released soon cause like . thats wife ( gn ) right there . and you guys dont get them like i do. and obviously i cant blame people because its true, unless you're specially interested in babe, you probably won't see much of their character, whereas angel's "menace" personality is defined and makes them so pronounced in the fandom.
out of spite i will make babe headcanons
#nothatingonangel #putthegundown
IL OVENYOU MIYAMMWAAAAAAAHHHH
exactly you get me sarah!!!
babe has always been overlooked by the fandom it's lowkey annoying when someone is talking about the shaw pack listeners people will always put either sweetheart, darlin or angel first.
i get it that sweetheart and darlin is empowered so they're more likeable and angel is david's mate which is the alpha of the pack meanwhile i can see that not a lot of people like asher because of his voice (if you guys only hate him because of this yall sucks) and barely see that he's trying his best to be a good mate and beta.
erik barely give anything to babe which also make sense why people always ignored them and barely remember them. i wish erik can give more uniqueness(isthatevenaword) to babe and not just giving them the "unempowered overworked listener" treatment.
babe deserve so much better and i love them ALSO I LOVE YOU SARAH MWAHHHH
#redacted babe#redacted asher#redacted angel#redacted sweetheart#redacted darlin#redacted sam#redacted milo#redacted david#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redacted shaw pack#heeda answers ♡#sarah <3
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the sturniolo tumblr community is quite literally a dumpster fire right now so i am going to put out this disclaimer as to what my opinion is and what you can/cannot expect from my blog going forward:
1. writing about an actual human being (not a character from a show/movie/fiction), without them acknowledging fanfics and being okay with it and/or not caring, is NOT okay! so NO i will not write for nate or read any fics ab him. bc like what is there to simp over? what do we really know about nate? & besides that shit, he has not consented to being overly sexualized on the internet. he is literally a random motherfucker who half of you would not recognize if he walked past you on the street.
2. i think a majority of us are on the same page on this one but get the old ass motherfucker who wrote a fic about her and matt when she’s middle aged the actual FUCK away from my blog & my face. i don’t even need to elaborate on this one.
3. the death threats yall send around this fandom are insane bc is it ever that deep🧍🏻♀️. we all just happen to be fans of three white boys and yall out here sending death threats? over what? i hate to be that person but please go outside. 🚨it is okay that not everyone thinks alike🚨
4. writing smut male x readers for chris/matt and smut female x readers for nick is morally wrong and i will not write them! absolutely the fuck not!
5. deepfakes are crossing the line and not okay. dont ever bring that shit my way, get a fucking grip
6. this is probably the most popular controversy im seeing right now. it is okay to have the opinion that the triplets content is declining. it is okay to think its not. it is okay to be disappointed in the decrease in content. ITS OKAY TO HAVE A FUCKING THOUGHT.
in conclusion: you bitches are going to make everyone go bald if you keep this dumbass shit up
i’m not leaving the fandom by any means but i am definitely going to take a step back for a bit (not from you my beautiful mutuals mwah) & spend some time writing for the other fandoms i am in that are not being engulfed in flames. with all my love, tara
#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#nick sturniolo#chris sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#sturniolo smut
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A little character study sheet for sabo’s family so that i know what im doing when i start drawing them. Legit the entire time drawing this, i was physically restraining myself from yassifying them all. But i still needed yall to actually recognize them so i tried my best.
Im just not very good at drawing “ugly” people. Honestly i dont really think anyone is inherently ugly, but One Piece does have a way with drawing characters they dont want you to like. Idk, i think theres some kind of moral dilemma in there somewhere.
I find it very funny how there is like,,, at most 2 pics of serious fan art of stelly that i could find on google images. I didnt even bother putting my water mark on this, no one likes these shits.
Did you know Sabo’s dad is deadass named Outlook III??? 💀💀💀💀💀💀
Sabo’s dad b like:
Homie’s a mf Microsoft product 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
Also, Stelly’s wife is named Sally. They are literally 2 letters off from each-other. Would their ship name be StAlly? Steally?
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Time; Rejection
this is part one to my “time” fic series, i dont know how many parts there will be yet, but i hope yall like a bit of angst :)
warnings ambiguous relationship/feelings between abby and reader (for now), she/her reader, reference to torture (isaac’s questioning/rattlers), lasting effects of mentioned torture (later parts), morally grey reader, ambiguous/story-teller dependent interpretation of major past event between characters
part two part three
chapter one on ao3
When you split from your friends, it wasn’t the kindest goodbye. Salt Lake was fresh in your minds and to them, it felt like you were simply abandoning them by going to California after your long search together of where to go. They couldn’t understand why you’d want to go find fireflies after what happened— after what you heard about the hatred that was left for what you once were.
Abby was the most hurt by your decision. She didn’t speak to you after the moment you brought it up, and although her words weren’t anywhere near as cruel as the others’, they stung.
“Just know we’ll never see each other again,” she’d said, “‘cause as soon as I hear about any fireflies, I’m going the opposite fucking direction.”
And it was true. Four years had passed, and you hadn’t heard a word. You had no idea where they were. Whether or not they were okay. You didn’t even know if they were alive until you found yourself in Washington one winter month.
You’d been sent out on a mission and accidentally found yourself at the gate of someone’s Headquarters. Judging by the scenery; murals and graffiti, you only hoped it wasn’t the “Scars’”.
Their leader was harsh— brutal— in his questioning, and by the time he got the answers he was happy with, you could hardly speak. When he told you to head down to his medical station, you couldn’t even stand on your own.
You quickly grew a dislike for this group when you saw the rest of your squad was there as well, some even dead from the brutalization of their questioning.
Even when they took you to medical, they were all but kind. The grip on your arm, hands still tied behind your back, was bruising. They were tugging and pulling you when you could hardly keep up, making you trip over your own feet as they seemed irritated with you for even existing.
When you got to the medical room, you were shoved in. The force of it made you fall to the floor with no way to get yourself up, coughing until you spat up blood and heaved in a large breath.
“What the fuck, Danny?!” You could hear someone yell, presumably at the man who practically threw you when the rest of your comrades were sat down— not kindly either, but definitely not thrown.
“Trespassers. Thought they were Scars. Isaac had to deal with this one,” ‘Danny’ spoke, gesturing to you as one of the people there came to help you up. “She was difficult.”
The other person scoffed, but as you were helped up, you were momentarily dropped. One of your comrades said your name, telling you to “get up before they put you out of your misery.” That caused the person helping you to freeze, nearly dropping you back down before they got you onto your knees and wiped the blood from your face.
“No fucking way,” it was a girl’s voice, one you faintly recognized. You looked up at her, swallowing when you met her brown eyes. You looked over her, brown skin with faint beauty marks that you easily remembered the placement of. “Mel—“
“Nora?” You rasped out, your voice bringing the other medics’ attention— Mel’s attention. You couldn’t be sure it was the same Mel, but, by the way Nora said her name, you were almost certain.
“Oh my God,” was Mel’s reaction. You looked over at her, easily recognizing her from the mole on her chin despite her now chopped hair and hardly visible bump.
You were swiftly pulled into Nora’s arms, her eyes wide in shock as she hugged you to be sure you were real. You winced, quickly reminding the two of them why you were there and getting helped immediately.
“You know this bitch?!” Danny asked, scoffing as your hands were untied and your arm was slung over Nora’s shoulders.
“Fuck off,” she said, taking you to a separate room and leaving your squad with the other medics.
As you passed by your comrade getting treated, you were given a look that you knew meant you needed to get out of there as soon as possible or they’d leave you behind. You knew there wasn’t time.
When you were sat down in the room, Mel shut the door and said a code into her walkie while Nora treated your injuries. “I thought we’d never see you again,” she said as she stitched and bandaged, but you didn’t reply. “How did you get here? Did you know we were here?” Her questions ran on, but those stuck in your mind.
She said it as if she was excited to see you… Like you didn’t remember how both of them treated you before you left; telling you how they hoped to never see you again, how awful of a friend you were, they thought you were all family, the list went on. They were also the only ones to hug you when you left in the middle of the night, so you supposed their words came from hurt rather than malice.
You still remembered the night. You’d actually planned on staying with them and waiting to see what you found so you could stay together, but after Abby’s words at the mere idea you brought up, and the onslaught that followed from your friends, you waited until they were all asleep.
You quietly grabbed your things, sniffling and wiping your eyes, hoping not to wake anyone.
You left just as quietly, but that didn’t stop Mel and Nora from waking up, the two of them somehow knowing something was off.
“Don’t go,” was what made you pause and turn back as the two got up. “No one wants you to leave,” Nora said. “I mean, that’s why anyone said anything…” She trailed off, noticing your pursed lips. “We all want you to stay.”
“I don’t think so,” was your response. “I’ll try and find you guys again, or something.” You shrugged.
“How can you be so flippant about this?” Mel asked, face red and voice restricted as if she was trying to hold herself together. “How long have you been thinking about, just, leaving?”
“It was just an idea… I thought we might all go together, but…” You shook your head. “I don’t want to leave you guys, but I don’t want to stay either. It’d be better if I didn’t, I think—”
“Please?” Mel pursed her lips, arms crossed as she hugged herself. “Just lie back down. We can talk in the morning, or something? I’m sure everyone was just surprised. Maybe, it can be an option? Just don’t go.” Nora placed a hand on her shoulder.
She’d been up all night already, having been stressing herself out for most of it while Nora lied with her and tried to comfort her. She knew you’d try and leave while they slept. She knew you hated confrontation, fighting, all of that. She knew you were hurt, too. She just knew. She knew you’d make a decision like this after the things everyone said in response to a simple idea. How couldn’t you? They were all cruel.
But they were also all hurt.
Mel shrugged off Nora’s hand, taking both of yours in hers. “You probably won’t even survive out there alone,” she said. “we’ll find something. Together. Just stay— even just a little longer. You can still go if you want to, just… just give it some time.”
Your eyes drifted to Abby, who you’d usually be sleeping by. That night, you’d spent by the fire despite her asking if you were coming to lie down by placing her hand on your shoulder as she passed you. The small gesture, even if she meant well, was so passive that it practically made you think she was just telling you to leave.
She was awake when you looked at her though, possibly having woken up from the conversation, a nightmare, or maybe she never slept.
Her expression was lame, eyes holding your gaze for a moment before she turned over and gave you her back.
That was the deciding factor, you’d come to after all these years. What really made you not listen to your friend, begging you to stay, was Abby’s dismissal. It was a blatant rejection. She wanted you gone now. You knew she did.
That was what led Mel to apologize for what she said, giving you a long hug before Nora did the same, not even bothering to try and change your mind when she knew there was no stopping you.
When the rest of the group woke up, they were shocked to see you gone. Even Abby, who woke in a jolt and felt next to her for you, thinking maybe what she remembered hearing as a goodbye last night wasn’t actually the case. Though, when she felt the space next to her empty, not even your blanket there, it proved to be true.
It caused a rift between the group, blame flying each and every way until it was finally mended with time.
If you’d only given them some time.
“Were you trying to find us?” The question brought you out of your dazed state as you remembered the night in vivid detail. You often did, the memory flashing before your eyes and being able to completely ruin your day in just seconds.
“If I knew you were here, I wouldn’t have come,” you said quietly, voice hoarse and lacking conviction.
“We thought you might’ve…” Mel stopped herself, suddenly recognizing the attempted hostility in your tone. “What?” She frowned.
“We said our goodbyes,” was your response, forcing yourself to be dismissive. “After that night, I didn’t expect to see you guys again.” You watched as Nora finished off the last of her stitches, pushing yourself to stand despite the nausea that came over you when you did. “And… even if I wanted to, why would I want to meet like this?”
She seemed shocked, though Nora wasn’t surprised. She still remembered everything that was said. How all of your friends suddenly flipped on you. She didn’t expect you to be the same as before, but she also didn’t expect blatant rejection.
When you looked at her, knowing she always had something to say, she shook her head. “I’m just glad you’re alive.”
“Yeah… You guys, too.” You went to leave, but Mel stopped you.
“Sit down.” She stepped in front of the door. “You’re not even cleared yet.”
“Mel. Come on,” Nora sighed. She had a feeling if Mel pressed you, you weren’t going to be receptive. Judging by your demeanor, she expected you to snap at her. “Just let her go.”
“Owen’s coming… He’d want to see you,” Mel tried but was met with a frown as you stepped around her. She sighed, glancing toward Nora before looking back at you. “Is this really how we’re leaving things?” You were quiet, lips pursed. “You’re not even going to tell us how you’ve been?”
“I’ve been… fine.” You shrugged, knowing she was right but also knowing you didn’t have time to talk. “I’m also a medic.” Mel nodded along, waiting for anything else as you turned to her again. “I’ve missed you guys.”
“Us, too,” Nora said quickly. As if she’d been waiting for an opportunity to say so. “Everyone… They all talk about you; miss you. Abby—“
“I, uh, heard something recently that reminded me of you,” you cut her off before she could mention her. “Tommy… Joel’s brother. Turns out he settled in Wyoming when he left. People were talking about it… Figured it’s been hard to get leads— if you’re even still looking.”
Nora scoffed. “You have no idea…”
“Then, I’m glad I got to tell you.” You gave a nod, heading for the door.
“Come with us,” Mel pushed herself to try again. “To Wyoming. As soon as Abby hears about it, we’ll be going. You deserve to see this through, too.”
You grasped the handle. “I trust you guys to do that.” You then opened the door, leaving the two to feel dismissed as you did.
Though, when you did open the door and walk to your waiting squad to leave, Owen was rushing in. He stopped at the sight of you, staring for a moment. He opened his mouth to speak, words leaving him and making him shut his mouth again as you gave him a tight, practically unnoticeable smile. He stepped aside, letting you and your group pass without a word.
You realized why he stayed quiet when you exited the small building. Abby, Manny, Leah, Jordan, Nick… Mel had called them all with that code. What she expected… Some kind of reunion? You had no idea, and you couldn’t wait to find out even if you wanted to. You gave a passing glance, not even sure they all recognized you, but that was all as you walked with your group toward the exit, wishing you didn’t have to.
Abby nearly doubled back, but she stopped when Manny grabbed her arm. “That conversation won’t go how you want it to,” he warned. “Just let her go.”
How many times she’d heard that in reference to you, how many times she had to just accept that, only to see you walking past her without even a word just now made her so upset she felt sick. She couldn’t pinpoint why. She couldn’t even understand it herself. But she could feel her eyes stinging, her nose reddening as a sudden wave of nausea passed over her.
“You have to let her go,” she could remember Owen saying when he found Abby listening to an old tape recording you must’ve forgotten to take with you.
“I found this,” was her response, holding up an old photo of the two of you that you also left behind. She had a hard time believing that was an accident, though.
“Just let her go,” Leah said the morning they all woke up to you gone. Abby was insistent on tracking you, knowing you wouldn’t be far. “What if we find a body? What are we going to do then?”
“What the fuck, Leah?” Nora scoffed at her.
“I’m not the one that said anything to make her leave in the first place,” she bit back. “And now you wanna go find her? Go fuck yourselves.”
“Let her go,” Nora told her one day, having gone to Abby’s room and seen that old photo. The moment she did, that’s what she told her, and in response, Abby tossed one at her. She picked it up, surprised to see a picture of you, her, and Mel, apprenticing Abby’s dad in his greenhouse. “Where’d you get this?”
“Leah has a bunch.”
Despite everyone telling her to let you go, none of them wanted to. Somehow, they still couldn’t understand how you just left. Even if they told you to, they couldn’t grasp it. They’d all said horrible things to each other, time and time again, and they moved past it, so how did you leave? How could you?
It was a mix of anger and regret they all felt, but seeing you that day made their anger with you for leaving subside. After all those years spent thinking of you, wondering whether or not you were okay, fighting over whether or not to go and find you, you wanted nothing to do with them. You didn’t even want to acknowledge them, let alone speak to them.
If it hadn’t been for the news Mel delivered from you, Abby probably would’ve gone back to her room and burned every picture of you. They were in her drawer, taped to maps, in a journal of her plans after she found Joel; find you. Instead, she left them as they were.
Maybe, this was how you were meant to say goodbye. Less so on a bitter end, but without resolution, your feelings about one another up in the air with neither of you wanting to define them or what they meant.
Or maybe, it was supposed to go like this.
Months later, after all hell broke loose. After Abby finally found what she was looking for, she was left still unable to find peace. She thought she did. She thought she found the fireflies, just where Owen said they’d be, but there were months of delay. Months of torture, and pain. If she could see herself, she probably wouldn’t even recognize the person she was looking at.
Yet somehow, you did.
You heard about the newest recruits– two that had to stay in the medical facility for some time thanks to the rattlers, but now that they had been released, you hadn’t heard much about them.
At least, not until you were introduced to a young boy added to your training group. He was skilled with a bow, and surely could’ve been a soldier, but for some reason, he wanted to learn how to heal. You didn’t ask why, but when he asked to stay a little longer with you in your greenhouse, you didn’t object, gladly talking to him about whatever he was comfortable bringing up.
Eventually, after at least an hour, the door to your greenhouse was opened. “Lev?” A girl’s voice spoke up. You almost recognized it, but figured it was unlikely that you did. The boy perked up, looking back at the door with a smile as you continued to work and re-pot your plants. “Hey… What are you still doing here?”
He pointed his thumb back at you, busy enough not to be eavesdropping. “I asked to stay a little longer, so she could teach me about making medicines.”
“Your patrol group is waiting for you.”
“Shit,” he muttered, the word sounding foreign coming from him and making you chuckle. “Can I come back later?” He asked you, earning a sweet smile.
“Of course!” He then rushed out as you finished what you were doing, carrying the plants back to where they should be. “Did you need anything?” You called to the girl still in your greenhouse, speaking from behind a hedge of flowers. “Sleep tonic, or something?”
“No… uh…” She was mumbling, words incoherent until she said your name, “Is that you?”
You set down the pots, heading through the maze of plants to get to the front door. You paused, looking over her. She was smaller, her muscle diminished to the point that it was hardly there anymore, and her hair chopped. It must've grown, now down to just above her shoulders, but you remembered hearing about a girl with hair cut close to her head. You frowned at the sight of her.
“You don’t… recognize me do you—?“
“What did they do to you?” You asked over her, walking up to her tentatively, hands reaching out as you thought about whether or not to make a move to hold her. Your eyes met hers, head tilting as your brows pulled together. “Abby…” Despite your better judgment, you reached out and pulled her into a hug, shocking her. Your hands ran over her hair, knowing why she let it grow out all those years; knowing she would never cut it herself.
“Fuck,” she cursed under her breath, quickly pushing away from you and turning her back to you as her hand went to her face, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose.
You pursed your lips, looking to the floor. “Sorry. I forgot you didn’t like—“
“It’s not that.” She scoffed at you, blinking rapidly before she turned back. “I just— It’s just that I lost everyone else… I didn’t think I’d find you.”
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