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rose-sophia-isabella-rogers · 1 year ago

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A Tide That Turned Everything: Chapter IV - I Still Think of You as My Friend

Chapter Summary: You leave to find Morozova's workshop and, hopefully, some clues about the Firebird. You meet Alina and you two finally have an honest conversation. Can you find out where to look for the third amplifier and convince Alina to join Aleksander's side?

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Alina Starkov/Mal Oretsev, Ivan/Fedyor Kaminsky

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Alina Starkov, Fruzsi, Baghra, Fedyor Kaminsky, Ivan, Vatra, Mal Oretsev

Word Count: 4345

A/N: Inspired by prompts: https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089584618/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089684652/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089571712/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089683698/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089559872/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089571708/ https://pl.pinterest.com/pin/207306389089683673/ This chapter also contains some plot from episode six of the second season, and one dialogue from the episode fifth of the second season.

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

You pack things in your chambers. Most of them aren't really yours. You didn't bring anything from the Spinning Wheel. And earlier you didn't bring much from the Little Palace. It makes you a bit sad. Thinking how much you have lost.

There's a knock on the door. You don't turn. Part of you hopes it's Aleksander. Part of you hopes it isn't.

'Come in,' you call. The door opens and someone walks in. Two people. Not Aleksander, then. You're both relieved and disappointed.

'Already packing?' Fedyor asks. You turn. Two of your favourite Heartrenders look at you. Kaminsky is smiling.

'If I want to stand a chance in being there before Alina, then I should leave soon,' you explain.

'You mean "we",' Ivan says. You blink. They straighten up. You smile and shake your head.

'You should stay with General,' you say. They open their mouth to protest. You silence them with a raised hand.

'I will leave feeling better, knowing he has you two by his side,' you say and look at them pleadingly. 'Please.'

Fedyor sighs, while Ivan exhales slowly. You relax, knowing you've won.

'Have it your way,' Kaminsky says and smiles. You smile slightly back and look away.

'But you have to let us choose who's coming with you,' Fedyor says seriously. 'We have to make sure you're going to be safe.'

'Go ahead,' you say with a nod. Fedyor nods back and exchanges a look with Ivan. Kaminsky leaves the room. You turn and return to packing. The Heartrender stares at you in silence.

'Is there something you want to say?' you ask after a moment. Ivan doesn't answer. You look behind your arm and see him staring at you with furrowed eyebrows.

'Ivan?' you ask, confused.

'I thought you'd want to stay close to General after weeks of being separated,' Ivan finally speaks up. Ah. You turn your sight.

'I can be more of use by going after the Firebird and Alina,' you say. 'I'm more than his lover, you know.’

'I know that,' Ivan says. 'I… We just thought…'

'Yes?' you ask. You turn to look at him again. Ivan stares at you.

'We thought that after all that happen you and General would be alright again,' he finishes. You smile sadly at him.

'I thought so, too,' you say and look down. 'I hoped for it. But he…'

You trail off. You remember how suddenly he pushed away. And how he keeps to the shadows whenever he speaks with you.

'I feel we're even further away than before,' you say. 'I still love him and I'll fight for us, but… it hurts.'

Ivan walks to you. He puts a hand on your shoulder.

'Fedyor was there when you called him,' he says. 'He later told me how they were talking and suddenly, he froze. He's always calm and collected, but at that moment emotions flashed on his face. Disbelief, hope, joy… and then fear, panic, anger. He told us all to get ready at once. He loves you. I don't know why he acts like that… but you must know he cares about you more than about anyone.'

You smile sadly at him. Ivan looks at you softly and pulls you in for a hug. You close your eyes, stopping the tears from falling. You press yourself against him, needing this hug so much.

There's another knock on the door. Ivan pulls away from you. You take a step back.

'Come in,' you call. The door opens and Aleksander walks in. Your heart skips a beat. He puts his hands behind his back.

'Ivan, can I have a moment alone with [Y/N]?' he asks.

'Certainly, General,' Ivan says. He squeezes your shoulder and leaves, closing the door behind him. You look at Aleksander. His eyes meet yours.

'Are you here to convince me to not go?' you ask. Aleksander shakes his head.

'I know you well enough not to do this,' he denies. 'I just… want to ask you to be careful.'

'I will,' you promise, nodding your head. For a moment you stare at each other in silence.

'Is there something else?' you ask, barely managing to mask hope. Aleksander exhales slowly.

'There is,' he answers. 'I… Since there's a chance you'll meet with Miss Starkov, I want to be the one to tell you this, rather than her.'

Your heart stops. No. He can't mean… Saints, no. You can't lose him to her again. Anything but that.

'Tell me what?' you ask. Aleksander gulps.

'Because of the Stag… there is a… connection between her and me,' he explains, causing you to frown. 'We've met a few times in dreams, both of us thinking it's just that. But they're not. I was also able to… show myself to her as a projection. She saw me and I saw her, but my body wasn't there.'

You try to process it. Then, you remember how the day you arrived here he was in his room, his back to you, his hand extended.

'That's what you were doing after we got here,' you say quietly. Aleksander doesn't deny.

'She can do that as well,' he says and your eyes snap to his. 'She visited me once. I think she was hoping to break the connection. I didn't let her get close enough to me to do it.'

'Why?' you ask before you can stop yourself.

'It can prove useful,' Aleksander explains and hesitates before slowly taking your hand in his. 'It's nothing more, milaya. You're the one on my mind. In fact, I dreamt of you more often than of her.'

You look at him with hope. He smiles softly at you.

'You dreamt of me?' you ask quietly. Aleksander moves his hand to your neck. You almost close your eyes.

'Very often,' he says. 'We were talking, missing each other. I wished so much our conversations were real. And that you'd tell me where you are. You were always so sad. Once, you said that you want to see me. Hold me. Hug me. Touch me. Kiss me. Cuddle with me. Love me. That it would stop you from being sad.'

You freeze. No. No way.

'And I told you that-' Aleksander starts.

'That you want it,' you interrupt him. 'So much.'

Aleksander stares at you with surprise. Your heart is beating fast.

'You said I looked beautiful on the night of the fete,' you continue. 'And that I was extraordinary during my performance.'

Aleksander's eyes go wide. You shake your head, still not believing it.

'So, it was real?' you ask. 'We… But how? We don't have such connection as you and Alina.'

'I think we do,' Aleksander says and grabs your necklace with his hand. On this hand is his ring that is the pair to it.

'David did a better job than we thought,' he says and cups your face. '[Y/N], I want you to know-'

He's interrupted by a knock. He closes his eyes, controlling his emotions.

'I'm very popular today,' you say, amused. 'Come in.'

The door opens. Fruzsi enters and puts her arms behind her back.

'I'm sorry, General, but you are needed,' she says. Aleksander nods, not looking away from you.

'Promise me you'll use it if you need it,' he asks. You smile slightly.

'I will,' you swear. Aleksander kisses your forehead. You hope for more but he turns and leaves with Fruzsi. Things are still not okay between you two. But you have now hope they will be.

Along with you are five Grisha. One Healer named Ted (Aleksander, Fedyor and Ivan insisted), one Squaller named Jordan, one Durast named Gerard and two Inferni – Vatra and Stefan. They're not very talkative. And neither are you. You have hand on your chest, feeling a little vial hidden there, and think about your conversation with Aleksander before your departure.

I need to ask you a favour.

You know you can ask me anything.

I need your blood.

… Come again?

I don't understand most of Morozova's writings. But the topic of blood comes up very often. I'm sure he has some security measures defending his workshop. I suspect something that involves his blood. And the blood of his descendant-

May be the key. Yes. That may be true. My brilliant [Y/N].

He went to Vladim for a vial and cut his forearm without hesitation. He put it in the vial and handed it to you, then a Healer patched him up. You were touched by how much he trusts you. Enough to give you his own blood.

'How far yet?' Jordan asks. 'Should we start searching for a place for a camp?'

'No,' you deny, shaking your head. 'If I'm right, it should be somewhere here.'

True enough, not long after you come to a place hidden by roots of a tree. It looks like a tomb.

'Now what?' Ted asks. 'The roots are covering the door.'

'I can burn them,' Stefan offers. You shake your head.

'We can't let anyone know we're here,' you say and tilt your head. 'I remember from school that plants are up to 90% water. What if…'

You bring your hands together and focus on the roots. After a nervous moment they slowly move, uncovering the door covered with markings. You smile, while others stare at you, impressed.

'There is no doorknob,' Jordan points out and looks at Gerard. 'Can you open it? Or we can try pushing it?'

You climb to the door. You take out the vial and pour some of Aleksander's blood on your finger. Then you press it to the place where normally would be a doorknob. The door rumble and open.

'Not at all omnious,' Vatra murmurs.

'Come on,' you say and take a step forward. But the Stefan grabs your arm. You look at him, surprised.

'General would kill us of something happened to you,' he says, giving you a pointed look. He walks in first, creating a ball of fire to give you some light. You all follow him. You with a blush on your cheeks. You force the roots to go back to their place and close the door.

Inside you find two tombs. You walk past them. You walk into another chamber that used to be Morozova's workshop. It looks as if it was suddenly abandoned. As if the owner was going to come back here.

'So, what are we looking for?' Vatra asks.

'For any mention of the Firebird,' you answer. 'Start looking through the journals. Something must be here.'

You and your companions start searching. Until suddenly you hear a rumbling, letting you know the door is opening. You all freeze, alarmed.

'Hide, now,' you order. You all quickly back away from the workshop. The Infernis blow out the fireballs and you hide in some nook. Just in time, as Alina, Mal and Baghra walk past you. Thankfully, they don't notice you.

You listen to their conversations with tension in your bodies. You fear to be discovered. Your heart breaks for Alina, listening how Mal lets her go so she could stitch Ravka back together. Then he follows Baghra to the room with tombs. You nod at two Infernis, They follow carefully behind them, to listen to their conversation. A moment later you see them leaving.

'When they will be coming back, warn me and slow them down,' you say to the remaining three. 'Don't interrupt us. And don't you dare hurting Mal nor Baghra. No matter what.'

Your companions hesitate, but leave. You take in a deep breath. It's time for a confrontation with Alina.

Slowly, you enter the workshop. Alina's back is turned to you. She's looking thorough the journals and papers. You put your hands behind your back.

'Fancy meeting you here,' you speak up. Alina jumps, startled, and whirls around with a ball of light in her hands. She freezes, seeing you. You raise your eyebrows. The light goes out.

'[Y/N],' Alina gasps and takes a step forward, as if wanting to hug you. But she stops herself and eyes you carefully. You calmly stare back at her.

'How did you get in here?' she asks and then her eyes widen in fright. 'Mal-'

'He's safe,' you interrupt her and slowly walk around the room. 'I do not wish him harm. Nor you.'

'And yet you left with Aleksander,' Alina says. 'Why? After everything he's done, all the suffering he caused-'

'Because he's all I have,' you interrupt her. She looks at you with hurt.

'What about me?' she asks. 'And Mal?'

You scoff and shake your head. Alina frowns at you.

'You never noticed how much pain you were causing me,' you say bitterly. 'Or in how big pain I was in the Spinning Wheel.'

'Why didn't you say something?' Alina fires back. 'I would have listened to you. I would… stop pursuing Aleksander. I would be your friend. But I had no idea how you feel.'

'Oh, don't be a child,' you scoff. 'I'm sure you heard rumours. About me and Aleksander. Maybe not that we're in love with each other but that we're sleeping together.'

Alina blushes and looks away. Of course she heard.

'You never confirmed them to me,' she defends herself.

'You don't confirm such things,' you say, shaking your head. Alina gets frustrated.

'But how could you fall for him?' she asks.

'Same way you did,' you answer, staring back at your friend. 'I saw magic in his eyes. Dirty, black, beautiful magic.'

You smile softly. You think about your special moments with Aleksander.

'From the moment we met, he's seen me like no one else does,' you say. 'He knew right from the start I was special. He was ready to be with me even when I still was just a servant… an otkazat'sya. He sees me, Alina. He sees me and… he calls me beautiful like it's my name. No one has ever made me feel like he does.'

'And how many times did he put you in danger?' Alina asks.

'And all but once he came to save me,' you retort. 'And I know he will continue to do it. I trust him with my life. I trust him with my heart.'

'[Y/N]… he's… he's evil,' Alina tries to put some sense into you. 'He's… he's devil or maybe even worse! How can you love someone like that?'

'Do you remember how my parents treated me? Even before I was Grisha? Even before my sister died? I've… felt unloved for such a long time. Aleksander was the first one to show me I deserve to be loved.'

'Tommy loves you as well. I know he does. I saw how he looks at you. Natasha and Jana also confirmed he has feelings for you.'

'I know. But I needed something he can't give me. I wanted something more. Surely you understand that.'

Alina looks away. Because she does. She feels what Aleksander told her. That she was meant for more. She wants that more.

'I don't care if I fall in love with a devil, as long as that devil will long me the way he loves hell,' you say softly. Alina looks at you with a hard look.

'Then why he was hiding your relationship from everyone?' she asks. 'Why was he hurting you? Why I'm the one that shares a bond with him?'

Her words feel like a slap. Because she says what you feel. It hurts he was never honest how he feels about you with others. It hurts how he was flirting with Alina, how he kissed her, how he still thinks of her. But that bond…

'You're not the only one that was meeting with him in dreams,' you say. Starkov looks at you with surprise. You touch your necklace. You're sure David has already told her about it. She looks at it and you see she understands.

'You lied to David telling him you had lost it,' she says, her tone accusatory. You sigh and look down.

'Believe me, I feel bad about it,' you say. 'But I couldn't have any of you knowing about it. I needed this in case…'

You trail off and exhale shakily. Alina frowns. She opens her mouth, ready to ask you why did you call him in the end. But you're quicker.

'He hurt me, yes,' you say. 'He hurt many other people. No, he's not perfect. He's human and flawed, but he's perfect to me and that's all that matters.'

Alina looks at you pleadingly. You know this situation hurts her and you hate it. But you can't abandon Aleksander.

'[Y/N], please,' Starkov says. 'I know you hate seeing people hurt. And if you side with Aleksander, more people will get hurt. Please, choose the right side.'

'Don't,' you say harshly. 'Don't do that. Don't make me choose. Every time I'll pick him. Every time. And I can't have you hate me for that.'

You have tears in your eyes. So does Alina. But you manage to give her a sure look.

'I'm with him,' you say. 'For better or for worse.'

'It'll probably be worse,' Alina points out. You smile.

'I knew that the day I met him,' you say, remembering how you were sent to bring him breakfast after his former personal servant was moved to the Grand Palace. How things have changed since then…

'I believe in him, Alina,' you say. 'He can fix this country. Make it so Grisha can feel safe.'

'So can Nikolay and he can do it without killing those that oppose him,' Alina says, her look hardening. 'He believes that Grisha and otkazat'sya can live together in harmony. He can keep everyone safe.'

'And where was he when his brother's soldiers tortured me and even-' you spat with venom but cut yourself off. Alina looks at you with wide eyes. She starts to suspect what happened. You take in a deep breath.

'When they attacked the Little Palace, I rushed to get children out safely,' you say. 'I did it but I had to buy them some time. I got caught. I wasn't imprisoned long, but during those days they hurt my body in ways I never imagined. I was beaten, cut, tied and hung in very uncomfortable positions. They didn't even realise who I am at first. So, all of that was because I am a Grisha. And when they realised who I am they planned on worse things. But I managed to escape before it. But not completely. They did it to me in the end…'

'"Worse things"?' Alina asks, dreading the answer. Your look darkens.

'One day Vasily came to my room,' you say. 'In the Spinning Wheel. He wanted to… how did he put it… "a bit attention from me whenever he asks".'

Alina stares at you with wide eyes. You smile wryly at her.

'I refused, of course,' you say. 'Same as I did when he asked me to spy on Aleksander for him. He made my life difficult then… and this time as well. His soldiers, same that had tortured me, entered. He left, because he wanted me to come for this to him. Naive fool. But his soldiers… they… took advantage of me.'

You exhale shakily. Alina looks at you with pain. You blink away the tears.

'I was… scared… and alone… and it hurt so much… I just wanted to feel safe… loved…' you say. 'So, I called Aleksander.'

'Why didn't you say something?' Alina asks, crying for you. 'To me, to Nikolay, to anyone…?'

'It was my word against theirs,' you explain, shaking your head. 'Before someone would believe me, I'd already be executed for treason.'

Alina opens her mouth. She wants to deny it… but she knows you're right.

'Nikolay is different,' she says. You smile.

'I know,' you agree. 'And it hurt me to turn my back on him.'

'You can still come back,' Alina says with hope.

'No one will welcome me or trust me now,' you say, shaking your head. 'There's no coming back for me now. But you can still change your mind. You and Aleksander can change the world. Let Grisha feel save.'

'Would you really let me to get close to him again?' Alina asks. You smile sadly.

'To save Grisha?' you ask. 'Yes.'

Alina stares at you with disbelief. She opens her mouth to say something. But is interrupted by a roar of fire.

You and Alina run out of the workshop to find complete chaos. Everything is on fire. Baghra and Mal are trying to block Grisha's attacks. It looks like they're all going to be dead soon.

'I seem to remember telling them not to hurt Mal nor Baghra,' you sigh, pinching your nose. 'Unless that's their idea of a distraction…'

'Well, it's distracting enough,' Alina scoffs and calls on the light. You grab her hand. She glares at you. You glare back at her.

'Don't you dare hurting them,' you growl.

'Oh, and they can hurt us?' Alina says through gritted teeth. You squeeze her hand.

'Let me get through to them and we will leave,' you say.

'Do you really expect me to just let you go?' Alina asks with disbelief.

'You could come with us,' you say quietly. Starkov shakes her head.

'No,' she says. 'I will never join you. Tell that to Aleksander.'

You stare at each other sadly. You know that next time you see each other, it will be on the battlefield, on opposite sites. You let go of her.

'I'll never forget our friendship,' you say and turn.

'Neither will I,' Alina calls after you. 'I can't say the same about him. Just ask him what he did to Genya.'

You stand still for a moment, then walk away. Infernis notice you at once and force flames not to hurt you. You join your Grisha.

'That's your idea of a distraction?' you ask. Jordan shrugs.

'It worked,' he says. He puts barrier of air around you and you walk out of the cave. But before you do, your eyes meet Baghra's. She mouths something to you.

Save him.

You nod and leave. You rush to your horses. You climb on top of them and gallop away toward your hideout.

'So, I'm guessing she's not changing sides?' Gerard asks. You shake your head.

'It was a complete waste of time,' you sigh.

'Not exactly…' Stefan says slowly. You turn your head, frowning.

'Explain,' you say. Others exchange a look.

'We heard Baghra and the tracker talking,' Vatra says. 'And we watched them.'

They tell you what Baghra told Mal. About her sister being resurrected by Morozova as a third amplifier. How this ability passed on through generations… until Mal. She proved it to him by telling him to open the door with his blood. It opened. You can't believe it.

'Not a word of it to General,' you order and see their confused faces. 'I… I'll explain everything to him. When I'll be telling him about my conversation with Alina.'

They accept this explanation. For some time, you continue to ride in silence. Until you hear a twig snap.

You all stop, alerted. This is a mistake, as at once you find yourself surrounded by a small party of the First Army.

'The Darkling's Grisha,' one of them spats. 'Get them!'

'Can we hurt them?' Stefan asks. You nod grimly. The party advances on you… and the fight begins.

It's not long. There's more of them, but not much and you have your powers. But still one of them manages to take you by surprise.

You gasp when you suddenly feel pain in your side. You fall on your knees and prepare for death. But Vatra saves you.

'Saints, we're dead,' she groans and turns. 'Ted, we need-'

She cuts herself off. You know what she's looking at. You noticed it a second before your fall. Ted is dead. So is Gerard. You feel tears in your eyes. You failed them.

'We're near our hideout,' Jordan says. 'While I don't like how close to it they were, we can manage to get her to others in time.'

'And then General will kill us all,' Stefan says grimly. They manage to put you on your horse. They climb on theirs and you gallop to your hideout. You are bended forward and grip reins tightly. You can do it. You can do it…

You almost cry with relief when you ride on the courtyard. Your companions jump off their horses.

'Healer!' Vatra shouts. 'Now!'

Your vision blurs. But you still see Aleksander coming out of the mansion. He rushes downstairs.

'What's going on?' he asks and freezes, seeing your pale face and bloodied kefta. '[Y/N]…'

'Aleksander…' you say with relief and fall from your horse. Straight into Aleksander's arms.

'[Y/N], no,' he says, panicked, and cups your face. 'Stay with me. Stay with me, do you hear me?! Please! I can't lose you! Not again…'

He cries. You smile weakly at him. You caress his face, breathing heavily. You're slipping. You can feel it.

'Healer!' Aleksander screams. Just then someone kneels by your side. You sigh, feeling the pain lessening. You close your eyes and soon you're unconscious.

'She'll be alright, General,' the Healer says quietly. Aleksander caresses your relaxed face.

'How did this happen?' he asks coldly.

'A party of the First Army sneaked out on us not far from here,' Stefan answers. 'We lost Ted and Gerard.'

Aleksander nods and picks you up bridal style. He turns to the door but first looks at gathered Grisha.

'Fruzsi?' he asks. The Tidemaker comes forward.

'General?' she asks.

'Take down the First Army encampments,' he orders.

'Understood,' Fruzsi says with a smile. 'We will refocus our efforts. And what of the Sun Summoner?'

Aleksander looks at your face. He feels anger boiling in him.

'The whole world will hear it… when I make her scream,' he answers and climbs up the stairs to the mansion.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could.

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49965037/chapters/126532174

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cyarskj1899 · 8 days ago

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You better Women’s March Deez nuts bxt*h 🤣🖕🏽😭 black folks ain’t doing nothing for you hews anymore even after four years

NAURRRRR. Black and Jewish women marched to the polls yesterday and showed tf out. 💅🏼 Everybody else fucked us over. Y’all got what you voted for. White and Latina women, you’re on your own. Leave us alone.

The amount of sistas telling her to kick all the rocks is HILARIOUS! You must’ve missed the memo. We’re done with this BS. You broke it(yet again) YOU fix it. My daughters and I are staying home and watching you all make complete fools of yourselves.

and When the recession hits, I'm going to buy so many foreclosed properties it will make your head spin

And Fuck Cinco de Mayo and Ocho Cinco! Fuck all the Cincos for that matter! It’s may the 5th as of today, MAY 5th! No thoughts and prayers for the soon to be deported just CONCEPTS OF THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS which is really none at all Latinos let be real so many of you are not good allies. Black people including Afro-Latinos have every right to be pissed off. 46% of you told us white adjacency and “the economy” mattered more than helping us keeping our rights. Can’t wait to sit back and watch the same 46% cry wolf when he start separating their families for being Latino or Hispanic. We tried to protect them, but they screamed “pick me pick me”. Your wannabe tan supremacy won’t save you🖕🏽Moving forward being called a “person of color” is a slur to me as a BlkPerson & I will respond accordingly!

Sisters, beware of those ones on the job going forward Do NOT trust them

I had half of mind to leave this twitter account but I decided not to because talking to all of you is how I'm going to get through the next 4 years. Assuming we're allowed to have a vote in 2028. That is if there’s a possibility

and no, I’m not marching in no protests or buying no shirts. This what yall wanted, timer set for 2028. 2026, midterms. Wonder if we can hold on to the House and get the Senate back in 2 years That is if there’s an election. Enjoy.

I’m not putting myself on the line for any causes for the next 4 years (or probably ever, no one listens to black ppl until it’s too late I’m sick of it). it is about to get real ugly for so many ppl, it’d be stupid to protest anything right now, no I’m not signing no petitions, no I’m not donating to no gofundme, no I’m not praying for you, no I’m not reposting shit about wtf y’all got going on fuck ya , If it ain’t a black woman or someone from the LGBTQIA+ community, I’m not batting an eye. Yall got it , It’s beyond clear. They don’t need or want our help. I’m not needed nor wanted. So I’m doing me and betting on (the non self hating) black! There will not be a second, third, or fourth, not even a FIF time. I'm done. Now as for the White people and Latin people who voted for Vice President Kamala Harris, thank you, I see you, I respect it... but y'all still have plenty of work to do when it comes to your community. Don’t give up on us. We need you as much as we ride on your races. We need you. we need you. Don’t give up the fight for change and democracy.

Texas , Louisiana , and Florida won’t get one prayer out of me next hurricane season either. Suffer you guys

My best day after advice: Go live your best life, stack your paper and don’t watch cable news during Trump 2.0. Starve the media and give his bad energy no attention.

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tokiro07 · 1 year ago

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Undead Unluck ep.6 thoughts

[I'm READY!]

(Contents: adaptation notes, pacing)

Gonna get this out of the way: that Spongebob joke killed me. Talk about elevating the source material. Admittedly I never really liked the original joke. I got it, I just didn't find it that funny, but barely-censored Sponebob running in screaming "YEAAAAH!" was so absurdly jarring that I couldn't help but absolutely lose it

After that, I don't really feel like I have too much to say about this episode. After five episodes, I feel like I've more or less adjusted to the Yuki Yase style, and we're not really seeing anything too new or different being tackled. I worry that my reviews are going to start getting pretty samey, since all I can really do is note how well the style fits specific scenes

That said, there were three standout moments that I have opinions on

The first was Andy's Crimson Waxing Moon, which I was very impressed was such a dynamic tracking shot rather than, again, recreation of the still from the manga. However, I was still hoping to see a recreation of the manga; the ending pose of Andy spinning through countless cut-up corpses is one of the many iconic visuals that I so love from Tozuka's compositional style, so while the anime's completely original take on it is vastly more interesting than the basic alternative, it came at the detriment of what I was hoping to see - Tozuka's paneling brought to life. I don't feel like I have the ability to fairly judge the quality of the scene we got because of this; I'm sure it's fine and even by most standards really good, I just can't help but feel that there's an extra bit of oomph that's missing that would have made me think it was great

What I did really love though was how they portrayed the spoil countdown. It was fairly simple, but I just liked seeing how they conveyed the visual and how it seemed to speed up when the kids thought they were going to be killed. The fact that the digits were kind of hazy was a nice touch, when they could easily have been solid numbers

Finally, the introduction of Spoil really did elevate it over the manga; where in the original he just kind of popped in and we cut straight to the chapel having already been destroyed, here we got to see the whole sequence. It was just as ominous as I wanted it to be, and it really made Spoil feel like that much more of a threat. Plus Andy's Crimson Cross was animated very well too; that one did match how it looked in the manga while still putting in additional touches like the blood spattering on the windows. That whole sequence really makes me excited for the upcoming battle

I did notice that this episode didn't stop at adapting two chapters, it siphoned a scene from ch.13 and put it before the conclusion of ch.12. I get the feeling that we can expect episode 7 to end around the middle of ch.15. I won't spoil (ha) what scene I'm predicting to be the endpoint, but basically I'm expecting to get through two stages of the Spoil battle and leave it off just before or at the transition into the third

Overall, the pacing is much slower than I expected it to be in my estimates, and we're currently a full episode behind my initial prediction. If my current prediction is right, then we'll actually be two episodes behind next week. I'm kind of meanly glad that that one reddit thread was just as wrong as I was, though, and it seems extremely likely that neither of our predictions for the end of the season will be correct. By current estimates, I'm expecting that we'll get to around ch.52 or 53, as that segment gives a really good conclusion+cliffhanger combo. Someone suggested that recently, but now that I'm looking for that post/ask, I can't find it for some reason, so apologies to that person for not crediting them

Before I sign off, does anyone have any opinions on me putting content tags on these reviews? In my manga reviews, I use them to telegraph which characters or worldbuilding elements that I'll be focusing on, but since the anime reviews are just comparing the episodes to the chapters anyway, is there any need for me to point out what I'm going to say? It kind of feels like I'm repeating myself, like anyone would know what to expect from these and that they're self-explanatory. Should I remove the content tags from the anime reviews going forward, or leave them for the sake of consistency?

#undead unluck #fouryearsandananime #4y1a reviews #uu anime

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mayasdeluca · 6 months ago

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What did you think about Maya being captain of 19. Might be unpopular opinion but for some reason it didn’t sit right with me…for 2 reasons. The first being Maya’s entire season arc was laying the bread crumbs that Maya (who wasn’t afraid of anything and found comfort in dying) had finally found something or rather someone who made her want to live. She had stated from episode 3- that doing the job felt impossible with Carina and Liam at home. Ben tells her children unlock a whole new level of fear. She then tells Carina that she’s scared of dying on the job. Then- she very nearly does die. They set up this epic colossal cliffhanger with her at the center of danger and then she just walks away with no underlying issues?! Then…she doesn’t even tell Carina that she almost died! And rather than doing the logical thing (that again they built the whole season) by walking away for her family. She just continues to work as firefighter…no problems, no health issues, no ptsd…she’s just completely over her fear. I also didn’t like that in the 15+ years she stayed working at 19 she had only made captain and Andy was promoted twice? As much as I loved Captain Deluca-Bishop (even though I hated the wig and the fact that she has a whole new house of firefighters) It would have made more sense for Maya to be the fire inspector. It would have taken her out of running into burning buildings and instead going into them after it was already out. After all She studies fires for fun. It would have made it easier to set up a spin off too (even if it’s not likely) I realize they were going for the full circle moment of the two of them running things together but Maya is a very different person than she was in S1- her priorities have changed- they should have followed through on what they were hinting at all season.

That's my issue with it too. Firstly we don't really know for sure when she becomes Captain so that's something I would be curious to know...like how soon after this wildfire stuff/Vic leaves etc. does Andy become Chief and Maya become Captain? Because I can't imagine it happening right away considering Andy JUST became Captain. But even still...the timing to me just doesn't work that Maya would still just be a Captain 15 years down the line at 19. Like I would also really want to know what would make her want to become Captain again? When her whole arc in Season 6 was avoiding that altogether? And now where we left her she was becoming the mother of two children and had a near death experience so what makes her think that? I mean I guess a Captain is less in the line of fire? So that could be a reason...and if Andy is going to become Chief then I guess we're supposed to believe that Andy would want 19 in good hands with Maya since I'm sure their whole purpose of doing that future scene was to show that the two of them are running things like they had said they wanted to back in Season 1.

And I get the purpose of that but they went too far into the future for the sole purpose of having Pru involved and needing her to be old enough and I just don't feel like that made it realistic. This is the Maya who wanted to be Battoilion Chief by 40 and yes it probably would have been delayed a bit because of her demotion but still...I can't see her just staying at Captain for a long period of time like that especially as she continues to grow her family (and if she really did get pregnant with their third baby??? It really just doesn't add up) It's almost like they just made Maya Captain but for Andy's gain and that doesn't sit right with me either but 🤷🏻‍♀️ nothing we can do about it.

#asks #anon #still crazy to me that we didn't get maya telling carina about what happened to her #or carina finding out at all??#like how did they just completely miss doing any of that...sigh

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fillingthescrapbook · 1 year ago

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Let's Talk About: Minx and the need for more episodes per season.

Before we begin, I want to say: I need a third season of this show. A longer one that the second season's eight-episode order. Hollywood needs a reminder that filler episodes didn't mean nothing happens in the show. Filler episodes were necessary because, while the main plot is spinning wheels, we're getting character growth and relationship developments. And that was one of the things missing in this season of Minx.

Now, I don't remember the reason I started watching Minx. The trailer was intriguing enough that I decided to give it a try. I quickly fell in love with the iridescent Idara Victor, Jessica Lowe, and Oscar Montoya--and even though I don't remember a lot of the nitty gritty of what happened in Season 1, I remember rooting for the three--and Lennon Parham's Shelly, by the end of it and wanting to know what happens next.

The cast of this show is spectacular. The writing though... The writing was serviceable. It's not until this second season that I'm coming out as a fan of the show writers.

While the first season was mostly a hero journey for main character Joyce Prigger (the outstanding Ophelia Lovibond), the second season had a more nuanced arc in how it tackles success. Yes: success. Instead of throwing another wrench into the world of Minx, the writers decided to zag and let the characters be celebrated. And in that celebration, they were able to uncover a bigger issue: the politics of gender equality.

In season two, the show adds a new character: Constance is a billionaire who supports the arts, feminism, and is pushing the characters into reaching the zenith of their dreams. The only one who is a little put-down by Constance's handling of business is Don (Jake Johnson) because he's used to being the top dog. But even he can't argue that she has helped him achieve success he only dreamed of before.

With the characters thriving and getting the good life, Constance begins to introduce compromise in to their world. She begins to sow a divide by giving the characters what they want--while essentially taking away the most important thing they got in the first season: each other.

The show asks each character what it takes for them to bend their values. What are they willing to compromise to continue the good life they're currently enjoying?

Now, I do understand why some people would think this second season was more superficial than the first. In letting the characters succeed, it does feel like nothing bigger is happening for the most part. Because the trials they're facing aren't do-or-die. The characters aren't always in danger of losing everything.

But, if we're going to be honest: isn't that how we lose everything in real life? Bit by bit. Day by day. Life is good until suddenly it's not. And that's the magic of Minx's sophomore season.

The writers plotted the downfall well. If we go through the season again, we will see where the writers are foreshadowing the sacrifice each character will have to make. And it is amazing work.

Unfortunately, because the show only had eight episodes to work with--all the focus on delivering a satisfying story took out something that made the first season magical: the way each character progressed from episode to episode.

Season 2 gave everyone better storylines. Unfortunately, because there's a distinct lack of screen time to share, those storylines didn't get room to breathe. Most of them had to progress in between scenes and off-camera:

Idara Victor's Tina had a powerful arc of realizing her place in the world, of needing to choose herself--and yet, most of her processing happened in scenes that were already servicing Don's A-plot or B-plot, or while the main arc is place-setting, or while Shelly is having a moment for her character arc.

But at least her storyline gets to inch along from episode to episode. Oscar Montoya's Richie, while having a poignant endpoint for his character arc, didn't really have a clear path from point a to point b. He gets pulled into being every kind of supporting player before finally getting his moment to shine.

And then there's Jessica Lowe's Bambi. Her storyline is edged from episode two to episode six--and is only allowed release...in the final moments of episode seven. And while she does get somewhere in the finale, it also feels like it's just a lot more edging.

So, yeah: the plots and the character arcs are better and more powerful... they just suffered a lot from the lack of time. I'm not saying the show needs to expand from being a half-hour dramedy... but maybe having more episodes to let the plots and the characters breathe would do the show good.

Because goodness knows: this show is amazing. But it'll have a hard time firing all its bullets if we subtract cylinders from the barrel of its gun.

#let's talk about #minx #tv talk #delayed posting because of the strike

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castle-dominion · 1 year ago

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Undead again 4x22

breaking in TO CASTLE'S PLACE? IS THAT A DOG? OH NO ALEXIS! Not a dog, maybe a gun? also who has their device zoomed that far out? Who goes page-by-page instead of scrolling? Oh it's dad. Lol I miss their laser tag games RC: Wait. Let me savor this. I haven't gotten the drop on you since you were ten. Oh, this feels like…victory.

Aw he doesn't force the game when alexis wants to talk. Good. I remember she said stuff about oxford a few seasons ago. s2 I think. Girl I LOVE living at home during college. It is great. I brought home litres upon litres of soup my first block of my first term. I couldn't eat all of it by myself! Alexis you are so wrong. Adults need play too!

RC: No, it's not [just a game]. It's--it's a time-honored family tradition that we've been honoring since Alexis could wrap her little finger around a trigger! Also a thousand points is a lot less than you think when you play for years ADULTS NEED PLAY TOO

Yeah it IS kind of your fault rick. Yeah! At least let her know why! This man is surprisingly emotionally stunted I love martha so much But also Rick you probably should check with the mystery man that it's ok for you to leave.

KB, to esposito, who has drank coffee often throughout the show: You said you didn't like coffee. JE, the ex-military pig who made fun of his friend for drinking warm milk with honey before bed bc it helped his GF sleep: I like vanilla lattes! Wow becks is pretty af

SP: Ah, our intrepid heroes have arrived. And Castle. I love him so much RC: Ah, Perlmutter. I will treasure these special moments we've shared. KB: *did he just drop a hint he's leaving?*

SP: It's not just a bite mark. Look at the skin. You see how it's torn? The killer latched on and shook like a pit bull trying to tear off the flesh. KB: *wow that was a violent description* Ooh castle knows the right stuff about clothing. Neat.

4am is p early lol. Ah the bakers & foreign traders of the world. Oddball how? Charlie also got murked & HIS body was dumped?

RC: Well, that's a shame. This case had some real promise. Savage bite marks, reconstruction era clothing. Gets some mystery here, a whiff of intrigue. Now we're just slapping cuffs on some disgruntled employee. KB: RC: Just wanted this one to be special. He's just going to be naked I swear.

DANG HE'S LOCKED UP

RC: Relax, Charlie. Relax. We're cops. Charlie Coleman: You're a cop? KB: Yeah. CC: Is that your gun? [Beckett raises her eyebrows.] KB: Yeah. CC: You need to shoot me. Do it now! [Charlie squeezes his eyes shut and presents his chest to her.]

CC: he stared right past me with this weird look on his face and then he said, "What the hell is that?"! RC: What the hell was it?

"yeah sure I promise" not very convincing babe CC: Promise that you will use your gun on me when I start to turn. KB: !?!?!? That's a heck of a bite mark

the 911 operator would assume there are drugs involved & try to get him to come down from his high tbh. RC, totally correct: I believe he believes it.

RC: Oh! Wai-- um… Sorry. Let me make sure I understand so that I might properly relish this moment. You're saying… JE, turning to him in, idk disgust? annoyance? well his face is so great here I think I'll clip it: *thinking: don't touch me* RC, talking too slow: …the evidence shows Charlie and the victim both were bitten by an as yet unknown third party. JE, overlapping & speaking fast: That's what I just sai-- RC, interrupting & talking slow & AGAIN TOUCHING ESPOSITO: Perhaps even… JE: *looking so pissed that castle keeps touching him* RC: …a mindless, shuffling, …undead third party. KB: Castle, just stop. There's no such thing as a zombie. KR, entering: Guys…you gotta see this. Oh he's def going to show "proof" of zombies. I love how ryan slowly has gotten more & more castle-like throughout the show, he believes more things & spins more theories btw he is hot af holy crap I need to grab a pic of this

RC: Our killer's a zombie! *high fives some random cop who probably didn't know that he was going to claim the killer was a freaking zombie*

castle is surprisingly calm. I thought he would get into the bunker he def owns.

RC: Security camera caught him in all his putrefying glory. MR: Woo-oo. I don't supposed you downloaded this video by chance? RC: Absolutely not. That video is police property. It would be very, very wrong of me to…get a screen grab of it and e-mail it to myself.

MARTHA LURED HIM IN & THEN SHE FRICKING DESCENDED FROM THE CEILING

It has been a full day since they caught the case? bc rick was with martha & alexis there & alexis said "my act yesterday" & now they are wearing different clothes but they barely did anything yesterday. well they did a bunch of security footage so nvm. & they had to calm down a guy enough to bring him to the station.

Why didn't he take his car home tho? when he got bit?

Need to clip this scene with ryan & coleman. (btw his fidgeting? point for the adhd headcanon) & his pretty smile. & playing on charlie's level. *puts it back on ryan's chest & closes the door on himself* & then ryan's FACE it's so GOOD

RC: Charlie has not been wrong yet Me: ... That's true & then castle has a nice leather suit jacket, beckett has a pretty yellow leather jacket, the boys are pretty enough

KR: I mean,.. he does,,, look like a real zombie? JE: "A real zombie"? I'm embarrassed for you, bro. I wish my lipreading was better I figured it out KR: Is that true? RC: ye

JE: Only in New York could some guy dress like a friggin' zombie and walk down the street unnoticed. Yeah lol he's right

Howston? JE: I'll tell you where he went: Booty call. "chica" That's a heck of a name, Mastroianni

Heck of a ring I like espt's shirt bc it's smth I would wear but it is smth I wear bc I live in canada & have scars, not smth I'd wear to work The way they interrogate her... continuing to ask her questions, figuring out tom knew where he worked, standing, it is an interesting choice for them to be standing

This man is kind of interesting looking. I like his outfit How do you know the height of the zombie? "what the hell is that?" Who is at the library at that time???

RC: What about recently deceased friends and coworkers? But castle, they would not be wearing 1870s garb Yeah for sure, psychological issues thinking he's a zombie KB: What kind of chemical? KR: Uh, I won't even begin to try to pronounce it, but it is used in three factories in New York and New Jersey. (it turns out to be a relatively easy-to-pronounce chemical) Ryan is saying this to castle not to becket... interesting

Wow & it is dark out?? RC: All I know is that normal people don't come to places like this at 2:00 AM in the morning. I can't hear anything but I'm also deaf They totally should have been able to hear the moaning too (I've totally done things where some friends & I start running yelling "run" & then people come along with us. It is not that they are stupid, it is that they trust other human beings. We get a whole bunch of ppl running. How did they get behind them too? I totally would have shot earlier tbh, she would have gotten in trouble for shooting a civillian

Lol the one zombie in the wheelchair. Glad to see a disabled person & their friend enjoying a thing like this. It sounds like a fun game of tag lol. But when they get turned they don't have a chance to dress up as much as the rest of the zombies ALL of them are coming with you? HE USES THE WORD OUTSTANDING

Love all the zombies in the police station giving statements in their get-up. Reminds me of that one job interview I had. Vampires are sexy, zombies are also cool Not a supernatural creature tho becks.

JE, not someone I'd expect to have fashion tips: I don't know about those shoes with that top. I'm just saying. I'd have went open-toe.

JE: Oh, and guess what? None of these knuckleheads are real zombies. KR: I think what my colleague means to say is that no one recognizes our zombie from the video or our victim David Lock.

Teacher Zombie: He definitely wasn't part of our group, I can tell you that. Zombie Paul: High AF (& yk what good for him) KB: Paul, are you high right now? ZP: Whoa! Whoa, hey now, uh…where is that …(nervous chuckle)…coming from? No. No, of course not.

Teachers can have lives & have fun. Oh anthropology? Yeah of course he's a zombie TZ: I believe our fascination with zombies is a cultural phenomenon, a commentary on the inner numbness of modern life. RC: *it all makes sense now*

Ooh sexy run & jump into there, love it OH NO MAN'S DEAD lmao his face when he needs to take the zombie's pulse. clipping that.

PERLMUTTER MY BELOVED SP: We're all meat, Castle. Get over it. KB: Well, the question is: who killed him? SP: Isn't that always the question?. Ok castle, zombies can only exist for about two hours after death, then they are no longer able to be zombies.

WHAT THE HECK HE'S ALIVE OR UNDEAD OR SMTH nine to get out of the system lol. btw I totally thought perlmutter was telling him to call 911 Castle is hella calm rn (btw cecil fox)

KB: So, based on the latest report from the ER, Kyle Jennings was transferred up to ICU. He is stable, but under sedation. KR: I'm telling you, that guy was dead. JE: Remind me never to choke on a chicken bone in front of you. KR: Hey! You checked that guy, so did the paramedics. JE: :| KB: Whoa, you guys. I'm sure that there's a medical explanation for it. RC: Oh, there's an explanation, alright. KB: Besides that one. btw it is the next morning & they are in the same clothes from last night. At least caskett are. RC: Well then, what was his motive for murder, Detective Esposito? KR: *crosses his arms & looks at espt, def mimicking castle* & ryan's hair is getting longer & he's so freaking cute I think I have a problem. (I mean they are all good... y'all would fuck a fence if it was white... I hope I'm not one of those ppl)

RC: Or he's a zombie killer with a zombie motive.

RC: (whisper to Ryan) Tasty brains. KR: (whisper) You know, Castle, do you really believe in all this zombie stuff, because I-I would swear on my nana's grave that Kyle Jennings was dead. ((You would swear on your NANA'S GRAVE that's insane)) RC, putting a hand on ryan's shoulder/neck: (whisper) No. You know what I do believe in? Driving Beckett crazy. [They both smile. Castle pat's ryan] KR: (whisper) Y'know, I have to say, it's good to see you guys hitting it off again. RC: *I am planning on leaving… sad* I need to clip this one

WAIT IS IT NOT THE NEXT DAY? IT WAS SO BRIGHT BUT OUTSIDE THE HOSPITAL IT IS DARK

Except they all said he did not go on the zombie walk... though his shoe chemicals proved he was there

She would def believe that he was lying oh no poor kyle. At least she tells him to get a lawyer. RC: It is with a sad heart I say that that man is no zombie. Oh & they are not talking about Kyle here. RC: When a life-altering moment occurs… people remember. I like how they are at least talking about it finally, even if they are talking about it through kyle. I love perlmutter. He looks So Annoyed to see them! Def take a pic of this

KB: Perlmutter! SP: *looks up like "heck this"* KB: What are you doing here? SP: I came to…tend to one of my patients, Kyle Jennings. RC: Uh…do you think that's such a good idea? SP: I'll have you know I'm perfectly capable of treating living patients, I simply prefer not to. ((lmao I love him)) I made an exception here because the results of his blood work are quite unusual. KB: What do you mean? SP: Kyle Jennings had scopolamine ((easy to say)) in his system, which in small doses is used to treat motion sickness. In larger doses, it acts on the central nervous system to promote compliant and suggestible behavior. Truth serums aren't real... or this... ok then this is the way things work. But you can't be THAT suggestible...

Ryan touches her shoulder & it means smth to me. KR: Uh, I got started on that, and I did some research on…scopolamine. *smiles* RC: Nice. *you pronounced it, good for you mr used-to-be-a-drug-cop* The zombie drug? that's adderall lol. Actually no, that is adhd medication on adhd people WHEN AT A DOSE TOO HIGH. Lower your dose if you need to. talk to your doctor. & you know what? Maybe you are ok with feeling a little bit like a zombie so that you can function.

the one who was high obviously "woah what now?" didn't they show him that pic already tho? btw is charlie still in the holding cells? Oh no wait this is tom, tom is the boyf TW: Detective, I'm pre-law. I--I have no time for regular culture, let alone subculture. But he had an alibi

True, go at him not head-on but sideways! OH NO SHE KILLED HIM

KB: Maybe this is it. What every homicide cop fears: the perfect murder. RC: No. This is not the perfect murder. Can't be. KB: It happens. RC: Not to me. Not unless I've written it.

Esposito coming in at this exact moment... Castle is suddenly concerned. KB: Detective Esposito, please process Mr. Williams and then escort him to his apartment, make sure it's clear, (to tom williams:) and then after that you are on your own.

Oh heeheehee I know this I like this. We have esposito here driving him in & tom afraid af. & THEN SUDDENLY BASEBALL BAT ON THE WINDOW (whose car is that tho?) I like esposito's voice here Gun is scary, esp when u hear the sound go ka-click Wow this is fun. Weird voice tho. & those eyes... I can tell Esposito <3 I wish martha was involved in the directing of it. & it must be hard for actors to play a person who is acting but not perfect at it. They would act too well.

JE: Turn around. [Tom stares at Castle.] JE: (impatient) Turn around. [Esposito flips Tom towards the car and pulls out his cuffs.] JE: (to Castle) I gotta tell you, bro, coming at me like that, almost made me a believer. [Beckett watches Castle step up behind Esposito and growl with the voice modifier.] JE: Stop it. [Esposito shoves Castle away nervously.] JE: Don't do that. You're creeping me out. [Beckett smirks and Castle does another little growl.] DEFINITELY CLIPPING THAT BC IT IS HILARIOUS & I LOVE IT

Hey it's that detective we see sometimes, I don't know his name

Kyle Jennings: Detective, Mr. Castle, I--I don't know how to thank you-- RC: Uh… Let me borrow the zombie outfit for another day, we'll call it even. & THEY ARE USING THE KYLE ANALOGY AGAIN TO TALK ABOUT HER YESSS YES YES YES

Tomorrow & always, the best words on the show

Is that alexis or rick? btw the pic has no background... His hair lol

Martha said it was just a game & you argued It's ok to stay with your family. Love. Castle family <3 <3 <3 I love them

Best two out of three <3! What ending was that... "this isn't over"

Aw that was a great episode! I'm so happy!

Now I have work in an hour IF I get called in & I have chores to do & I should probably record some of that audiobook I haven't touched in a year...

But I might consider getting started on the next episode, though I would have liked to do a bunch of recording to clip on tumblr.

#castle 4x22 #castle 4x22 quote #castle 4x22 spoilers #castle s4 spoilers #the zombie episode

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internetgremlin-writes · 2 years ago

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Flat Spin

Summary/Prompt: Flat Spin

1. A spin in which an aircraft descends in tight circles whilst remaining almost horizontal

2. A state of agitation or panic [informal]

As the only female driver on the grid, you're fighting a constant need to prove yourself, however sometimes the line between accepting help and hand-outs is more blurred than you think

Word Count: 8,060

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x Female Reader

Warnings: Description of a racing crash, mentions of vomit, angst-ish, fluffy ending! It's a long one kids but stick with it

You were flying.

Every time you got in that car you felt as if you were flying, the swooping sensation in your stomach and the rush in your ears carrying you as adrenaline pumped through your bloodstream.

You adored racing, and despite not being from any sort of motorsporting family, you could have sworn it was in your blood. You never felt as good as you did behind the wheel, going over 200 miles per hour and hurtling into turns. It was two hours of pure adrenaline and nothing could beat that rush.

Like every other driver, you had been karting since you were a child, climbing through the ranks and finally earning your spot as a Formula One driver. It was your third year now, old enough to no longer be considered a rookie, but new enough that you were still frequently referred to as the 'new kid', despite being older than both Yuki Tusunoda and Lando Norris. But for you, it was a little different.

Because you were unfortunate enough to have been born a girl.

Your career from an early age had been followed by significant media attention, especially once you became the highest-ranking female driver and even that was nothing compared to the media storm you caused when it was announced you had signed to an F1 team. Aston Martin was nearly denounced by fans for taking you on, however, after finishing your rookie season in a respectable P9, they quickly shut up.

This year would be different still. You'd had a flying start, and without really noticing it you had found yourself fighting in the top five, and suddenly the words 'Championship contender' were following you around. That week you were at Imola, a fine enough track in Italy but by no means your favourite. Qualifying had been tough, and you ended up in P8 on the grid, but you were quickly making progress.

Time seemed to move differently when you raced because you'd already done 3/4 of the laps in what felt like just a few minutes and managed to claw your way up to P3 in a difficult and wet dog fight that had you nearly spin out twice.

"Y/N, radio check," your strategist's voice crackled into your earpiece. Feeling good about your current position you decided to entertain the crowd a little and sing a few lines from what had become your signature song as an F1 driver.

"She's a maneater, make you work hard, make you spend hard, make you want all of her lo-o-ove," You sent back. Being the only female driver on the grid had earnt you the playful title of 'Maneater', for your rather vicious overtakes on some very impressive corners to gain places and shave seconds. You heard your strategist laugh down the radio for a second, and then he was back to business.

"You're pretty close to Sainz now in P2. I want you to get on his tail, then we're gonna pull a signature Maneater overtake on turn 7, okay?"

The plan made sense, except your mental map of the course made you falter. Turn 7 was a particularly nasty hairpin and in the wet weather, it would take all of your strength just to keep the car in tight and not lose time drifting wide.

"You sure it's safe when it's so wet?"

"Sainz has already pitted and his lap time is just above yours on wet tires. The only way to overtake him is through the bend, he's not as strong on turns as you are,"

"Gotcha," you signed off and turned all your focus onto catching the tail of the red Ferrari that had been coming in and out of your sight for a few laps.

Stepping on the gas and feeling the car leap forward into your hands made you grin like a maniac behind your helmet, and you took a quick sip of your drink before beginning your hunt.

By the end of the lap, you were virtually sitting on Carlos' rear wing. You felt a bit bad because Sainz had become one of your closer friends on the grid, but there was no time for friends in the actual race, and you'd buy him a drink after as had become the overtake custom between you and a handful of drivers. The rain was starting to drive and the track was no longer damp but properly soaked. You could feel the spray from the car in front pelting you.

"Guys I don't know about this overtake," you admitted into the radio as you had to rapidly correct a slide into turn 5.

"Y/N, I promise you he'll go wide to protect himself and you'll have the perfect opening. If you want the championship we need you to step up the aggression and chase the title," You were not happy with your strategist for pushing you in the conditions, but you knew at the end of the day that if you wanted to keep a lead driver position with the team and be within a fighting chance for championship then they were right.

As predicted, on the approach to turn 7 Carlos' car drifted wide and you tucked yourself even closer, coming up on his inside as you rammed the car into the curb with all your might and pulled through the corner. It was working, and you could see the nose of your car draw level with his as you reached the apex of the turn.

Your mistake came when you hit the acceleration. Your aim had been to push the speed coming out of the corner and complete the overtake, but your tyres span on the wet tarmac and you felt the car jerk in your hands as the back end swang out, sending the front following it around and your stomach dropped as you felt the sickening sensation of a wet spin.

All you felt was an almighty impact that made your neck snap back against your support brace and your hands fly off the wheel, the impact then forcing the car to jolt the opposite way and a second fast spin followed by an even harder impact swept any comprehension from under your feet.

You weren't sure if the car had stopped or not, because your head was spinning so violently and your body was still recoiling from the double impact and the intense G forces that had thrown you about. Your radio was crackling and buzzing in your ear, but clearly, the connection was lost. Your eyes kept sliding in and out of focus and you weren't entirely sure if you were conscious, everything around you was silent and you felt like you were sitting underwater, watching everything happen above the surface. You could faintly smell burning.

You didn't move. You weren't sure if you could, or if you just didn't want to. You were warm, very warm. But it was nice. You were quite happy to sit in the fuzzy little bubble.

The only thing to bring you from the haze was the feeling of something gripping the shoulder pads of your race suit and tugging you upwards. You felt like you were moving in slow motion, but you finally registered that you were supposed to get out of the car and in clumsy movements, with much tugging, you managed to stumble from the cockpit.

The body you stumbled into immediately wrapped an arm around your waist and half dragged your body as your feet scrambled on the gravel and made sluggish attempts at steps. You felt yourself being hoisted, and you vaguely registered that you'd been pulled over the barrier and clear of the track. You were pulled further away and then forced into a sitting position with your back against a low concrete wall a little further away.

The person who'd dragged you out was in front of you, shouting something but their voice was muffled by their helmet. They were fiddling with yours, yanking it off your head followed by your baklava, and then their own. You recognised the Ferrari race suit and realised it was Carlos squatting in front of you. He was shouting at you, you could see his mouth moving but the words weren't reaching you through the fog surrounding your head.

"Are you stupid!?" He was shouting over the noise, the words starting to reach you but you just stared at him blankly.

"Are you stupid!?" He yelled again, "What the hell were you thinking!?" He carried on a little, the same question of your stupidity and a string of Spanish swear words repeating rather frequently.

The fog in your head lifted momentarily and the full force of the accident suddenly hit you. Your whole body lurched as your stomach dropped and your head started to spin again as it throbbed with pain.

"I'm going to be sick," was all you managed before rather ungracefully turning your head sideways.

Carlos immediately leapt up, helping to pull your body into a better position. One hand was gripping firmly to your shoulder strap, making sure you didn't tip forward into your mess, and the other rubbed gentle circles on your back.

"It's okay, Y/N, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here," he was mumbling, face far too close for your liking with what was happening, but you were grateful. Your whole body hurt and you could feel the energy draining from you rapidly.

"Where the fuck is first aid!?" He was shouting again, but not at you. There was too much activity and you were too preoccupied to work out if someone was replying to him. "I don't care! I don't give a shit about the fire, she needs help! Where are they!?" You'd stopped dry heaving and he handed you his baklava to wipe your mouth, before helping you back into a sitting position so you could lean against the wall.

And then it finally hit you, that you'd collided with Carlos. "Shit, Carlos, are you okay? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry-" you were rambling but he cut you off.

"I'm okay, hey," his hand found your chin and forced you to make eye contact with him. His eyes were wide and had a slightly wild look in them, but they were dark and honest, his cheeks were flushed pink and had lines from his helmet that stood out even against his deep tan, and other than his hair being damp and sticking up in every direction he really looked okay. "I'm okay," he repeated, and you believed him.

"Shit, I'm so sorry," you sounded meek. The adrenaline and initial shock of the crash were fading and you were feeling very small and very tired.

"What were you thinking?" His voice was softer, the initial anger giving way to concern. "That overtake is bad even in the dry weather, why attempt it in the wet?"

You were starting to feel very warm again, and Carlo's features felt like they were drawing away from you as if you were slipping through a tunnel. There was a ringing in your ears. Behind you, you vaguely registered the start of another flurry of activity.

"My strategist..." you mumbled, the words feeling heavier and heavier on your tongue "They told me to...if I want the championship..." Carlos' eyes visibly darkened, thick eyebrows drawing into a scowl and he started breathing through parted lips, muttering a single word you didn't recognise. The tunnel seemed to be extending and the last thing you saw before you let the darkness consume you was Carlos craning around frantically, the look on his face positively murderous.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You came around under the bright white lights of the track's sickbay in the pit lane. The hard foam of the examination table was pressing hard into your hips and shoulders, your head uncomfortably tilted upwards on a lumpy but simultaneously flat pillow.

You started to stir, tentatively stretching your legs out and carefully gauging your body's reaction, testing the stretch available in your sore muscles. The track doctor must have heard you because he turned around from where we was stood with his back to you, examining something you couldn't see.

He was a tall man, with pale skin, platinum blonde hair and washed blue eyes that reminded you of the colour of hospital gowns. He was neat as a pin, down to the iron pressed suit and row of pens clipped into his breast pocket lab coat, also pressed, and the stethoscope perfectly balanced around his neck.

"Ah, Miss Y/L/N, I'm glad to see you awake," you couldn't quite place the soothing yet slightly clipped accent he spoke with.

"I need to ask you a few questions, okay?" You nodded, which you soon realised was a mistake as the room seemed to swoop in front of you. You stilled and had to take a deep breath, determined not to let him see you in any worse state than you already were

"Can you tell me your name please?"

"Y/N, Y/N Y/L/N,"

"Good, and do you know what day it is?"

"Sunday,"

"Excellent. Now this last one is a little tricky, okay? Do you know why you're here?"

You were quiet for a moment. And then it slowly started flooding back to you, the flash of red on green and the out of control feeling of the car spinning you into the wall. You remembered the force of the impact and, for some reason, Carlos Sainz's face.

"I crashed," you mumbled "I hit another car on the corner and span into the wall," the realisation that you had a DNF and no points to add to your championship campaign created a knot in your stomach.

"Very good!" He seemed a lot happier about your predicament than you were.

"How long have I been here? Is the race finished? Is Carlos okay?" The apparent approval from the doctor opened a floodgate of your own questions, but he sushed you gently and encouraged you to quieten down and lay back on the bed.

"No need to panic, Miss Y/L/N, please. The race is finished and you have only been here a few minutes. You passed out when you were removed from the track and the ambulance crew brought you straight here, I was just taking your heart rate when you woke up. Mr Sainz is fine, he is a little shaken but has already returned to his team,"

You nodded, still in shock from the crash and you found yourself having to work hard to follow the doctor's explanation.

He continued to examine you, shining a light in both of your eyes and asking you to perform several reflexes and further memory tests once you were able to sit up.

"Well, I am pleased with you. That was a big crash and you have no lasting injuries. As you managed to walk away we don't have to send you to the hospital. You are not showing any signs of a concussion but I would like you to please be watching for the symptoms, okay? You will be sore for a few days, and I would like to you rest a little, but other than that I am happy to release you to your team,"

The doctor helped you to your feet and you found that you were able to stand, and despite most of your muscles screaming you managed a polite thanks and collected the slip of paper signing you off and making your way slowly back to your home garage.

The scene when you arrived was surprising, your teammate and mentor Sebastian Vettel was in a shouting match with your head strategist. Sebastian was backed by a small green-clad crowd, but the head of Aston Martin and your whole strategy team were stood opposing him.

"-because you know this isn't the first time you've made her do something so dangerous in a race!" Someone tried to interrupt him but Sebastian was having none of it, "No! I have stood by and I have watched her be pushed and pushed and pushed! I won't have it anymore, she's your primary but I'm older and I have championships and this is not how you win. I won't watch her win like this,"

"It's not like that-" someone, you couldn't pick out who in the flurry of activity, started.

"You are going to get her killed!" Sebastian jabbed your strategist in the chest so hard he stumbled back a step. "I won't stand by and watch it happen." He turned on his heel and stormed out, finally spotting you leaning against the entrance.

You must have looked a state because his face instantly softened and he rested a hand on your forearm.

"You're coming with me now, we are going to cool down," he turned and shot a venomous look at the team behind him, who looked completely shellshocked. "We will be in the meeting later." And with that Sebastian led you out of the garage.

"I'm sorry for you to see that," you shrugged.

"It's okay, I'm okay anyway,"

"No, it's not okay. I knew they were pushing you, and several other drivers have made comments feeling you are being dangerous this year. And now we know it was not your choice, I am just so cross that they are doing this to you. And that we needed a crash for something to be said," he shook his head as he walked.

You didn't know what to say in response, so you just swallowed the lump in your throat and said nothing. It had never occurred to you that your team had been putting you in such dangerous positions and that you, who had been awed by the promise of the first female championship, had been blindly following their instructions. You were also worried you'd let Sebastian down, he was your mentor and your hero. The idea of disappointing him was in ways worse than the entire of Aston Martin and the FIA combined.

Seb led you back to your driver's room and left you to manage yourself whilst he did his own cooldown routine. Having not completed the race you decided against your usual routine, instead opting to look after your body for a change. A trick from Carlos sprang to your mind. You had mocked him when he had first admitted that a big part of his routine was sitting in a massive bucket filled with ice-cold water, but now the idea sounded glorious for the multitude of bumps, bruises and aching muscles you'd acquired. You fixed yourself an electrolyte drink and changed into your swimwear before submerging yourself in the shockingly cold water. It was unpleasant, but as you grew used to it you could feel it soothing your whole body, and when you clambered out you had to admit you felt refreshed and a lot more comfortable. Your physiotherapist was about, so you called her in and relished in the feeling of the deep sports massage and adjustments she did with you to help limit the pain you'd be in over the following days.

As much as you wanted to avoid the team meeting, especially after Sebastian's outburst you knew you couldn't. And before long you found yourself slouched in an uncomfortable chair around a large table in the corporate offices above the garage. As you had suspected, the meeting was the first in what would be a string of many at headquarters in the coming weeks. You were given a formal apology from your strategy team for the accident, and Sebastian sat grimly with his arms folded and refused to apologise for his words until they gave you more than the formal apology because he felt it wasn't enough. Then the meeting was the usual, driver reports of the car's performance, a quick review of the statistics and a couple of goals set for your next race. Nobody dared analyse the crash. Seb made life wonderfully difficult for the team, and every time they tried to get more than the essential information out of him he'd just remind them with a short "I'm still mad at you," and simply refuse to say another word.

You had been told you weren't allowed to drive yourself back to the hotel, which was fine by you because your body was so heavy and tired that you had no interest in driving at all. You even skipped the paddock walk or finding the podium boys to congratulate, deciding to opt for the injury excuse to avoid interviews and use the back exit to leave. Seb had offered to drive you back to the hotel, but he didn't have a choice in the post-race interview matter, so instead, you tossed your PR manager-slash-bodyguard Katie, a rather fierce ex-England Rugby player, your keys and let her drive you back to the hotel.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once in the safety of your hotel room, the exhaustion of the day hit a whole new level. You just about managed a sitting-down shower to scrub the race-day grime from your hair and body and changed into a pair of your most comfortable sweatpants and an oversized crop top and you crashed out on the king-sized bed with shitty TV in the background.

It was only late in the afternoon, but it didn't stop you from falling into a deep, empty sleep that you woke up from several hours later, to a completely dark and silent room.

You reached blindly for your phone, blinking in the bright white light as it turned on in your face to realise it was only just past 9pm. You contemplated simply rolling over and falling back asleep, but scrolling through your Instagram had woken you up too much, plus a loud growl from your stomach reminded you that you had barely eaten that day and had only had an electrolyte solution after the race.

You had a couple of notifications, mainly from family members and a handful of drivers wishing you well, including Sebastian who was asking for regular updates on your health. You wrote them all back and spent a little time scrolling through your tags on your Instagram account, even reposting a couple of fans' stories of the crash and reassuring people that you were okay. You were sitting with the music channel on in the background once again as you browsed the room service menu. Nothing was really capturing your attention, as most of it was large, heavy meals you knew you weren't allowed during training and that you didn't really want when another text notification drew your attention back to your phone.

Carlos Sainz: I hope you are feeling better now, Y/N.

Carlos and you texted every now and then. You had a good friendship with him, and you would consider him close, but it was more of an in-person friendship and you almost exclusively associated him with race-week antics. Your messages were largely confined within the realms of the odd well wish, a birthday message or double-checking group plans. Although this tex was to be expected, it still made your insides warm a little.

You: I am, thanks! Just had a big nap and I feel pretty much back to normal

That was a lie, your headache had definitely died down but you were still stiff and achy, not to mention embarrassed and frustrated and deeply confused over the conflict the incident had caused. You felt a little guilty for lying to Carlos, so before you could think you were typing out a follow-up message.

You: I'm actually just about to order some food, so by Seb's standards, I'm totally cured :D

You instantly regretted the smiley face, how embarrassing could you be? You tossed your phone to the side and started going back through the menu, but another notification came through almost instantly.

Carlos Sainz: Would you like some company?

That was enough to send your heart rate up and you felt a small stirring in the pit of your stomach.

Carlos Sainz: I didn't eat yet either

You: Sure, it's the least I can do for you after today

You: But you're coming to my room, I'm not dealing with the dining hall tonight

Carlos Sainz: I don't mind

You swallowed hard, you didn't really know why this was having such an effect on you. Maybe it was just because in three years' time the only driver you'd ever chosen to spend one-on-one time with was Seb, outside of the paddock and other race week promo business you ended up on. Well, there was no going back now.

You: Room 287

Carlos simply sent a thumbs-up emoji after that, so you assumed it meant message received. You knew he was staying in the same hotel as you, as were the majority of the drivers because nearly all the managers went for the same trick of booking the closest hotel to the track with a 5-star rating, but you had no idea what time he'd arrive.

Considering he had only ever seen you before in either your race suit or promotional paddock wear and the occasional formal outfit for events, you weren't entirely sure what was appropriate now. You decided that the least you could do was splash some cold water on your face and re-do your hair into a neater ponytail that didn't look like it had been recently slept on. You made your bed and quickly shoved some clothes that were lying around into the wardrobe so there was less clutter about. You were just contemplating changing outfits when there was a soft knock on your door.

Even though he'd barely made a sound, the knock still made you jump and you had to take a second to steady yourself before you answered the door. A rather sheepish looking Carlos was on the other side.

"I feel like I am sneaking around, doing something I shouldn't be," he admitted, scratching the back of his head as he stepped into your room, taking in his surroundings with the same analytical gaze he seemed to approach everything with.

"Sorry," you mumbled, "I'm just not feeling up to going anywhere,"

"Hey, no, it's okay," he was quick to retaliate "It's more important you get time to recover, no?" He finally looked at you then, with those deep brown eyes so full of emotion, a gentle smile just playing at the corners of his lips. He, too, was dressed more casually in a plain but well-fitting white t-shirt and his standard blue jeans. You still felt underdressed, because Carlos had a knack for always looking put together, and because you were still wearing sweatpants. You cleared your throat awkwardly, and unsure of what to say, nodded stiffly.

"Uh, yeah. So, um, do you wanna look at the menu?" Carlos followed you as you walked in front of him, plucking the menu from where it had been sat on your bed and handing it to him, before moving towards the sofa under the window and sitting down. It felt weird to sit on your bed around him.

Carlos seated himself on the desk chair but angled his body slightly so he was nearly facing you. He was leaning back in the chair, confident and relaxed with one leg crossed over the other but maintaining perfect posture. His arms were massive, even when just holding the menu up and the white top further accentuated his deep tan skin. His head was dipped forward slightly and the angle he was sitting at gave you a jawline sharp enough to slice through, well, anything. His eyebrows were drawn together as he scanned the page and his full lips moved slightly as he tested out certain words. His hair was jet black, shiny from a fresh wash and combed neatly behind his ears, but just tufting up a little at the back of his head and the fringe was long and flopped forward onto his face.

Suddenly, as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice-cold water on your head, you realised why you were so nervous.

He's gorgeous, you thought, rapidly followed by; shit. Because you needed him out of your room now and you couldn't see any normal way to say 'So I've suddenly realised you're incredibly attractive and I can barely breathe when you're around me let alone act normal so please can you go?' It wasn't that you hadn't known he was attractive before, come on, you weren't blind, but you'd never seen him attractive like that before and it was completely throwing you.

Just as you were about to blurt out some excuse as to why you suddenly couldn't entertain guests this evening, Carlos lifted his head and looked at you.

"Is there anything you would like?" Maybe it was because he held eye contact the entire time he spoke, and held it after, or maybe it was the Spanish accent but you felt like you were in a vacuum. You forced yourself to smile, screaming internally to act natural and not fuck this up because losing him as a friend would suck entirely.

"I dunno, it all sounds pretty crap if you ask me," You didn't know how someone could look at you with childlike curiosity, and at the same time like they are about to say or do something entirely sinful. Instead, he leaned back and laughed and you found yourself breathing a little easier.

"Are you fussy? Like Lando? Please, no, I cannot deal with teaching another child to eat," he groaned dramatically, but was grinning at you.

"I'm not fussy!" You defended yourself, but met his playful tone, "I just don't know what I want,"

"Women," he rolled his eyes "None of you ever know what you want to eat. Come on, not even the burgers sound good?" The way he dragged out the 'come on' and rolled his r's was simply distracting. Your stomach decided to step in and make a loud squeaky growl. Judging by the way Carlos' eyes widened and he let out another free giggle, he'd heard too. "See, you are hungry! I'm ordering the burgers, okay?"

"Yeah, alright," you agreed, and then "Actually yeah, burgers sound great, thanks,"

There was something about his confidence that you found innately attractive, the way he was instantly comfortable in your room, but still respectful. He picked up the phone on your bedside table and dialled down as if it was the most natural thing in the world, sending glances at you and pulling a funny face as someone spoke at him from the other side of the line like he'd been placing orders for you all his life. When he sat back down it was on the sofa, beside you, so you turned to face him.

"Hey, Carlos, look I'm so sorry again about the race today-"

"Ah-"

"No, I want to talk, please? I shouldn't have ever attempted that corner so close to you, no matter what I was being told over the radio, and it was totally my fault. Not that it's an excuse for dangerous driving, but they - my strat team - have been really getting in my head about this year's championship, you know? I think something's going on with it because you should have seen Seb, he went off the handle back at the garage. He said they were going to kill me, and he threatened to quit,"

Carlos' face had changed too, his jaw a little set and he'd lost all sense of relaxed teasing.

"They will, if they keep asking you to make choices like that. You are young, still, and you are supposed to be trusting in your team, why should you question them, ay? You shouldn't have to, not yet anyway," he sounded cross, and then he softened a little. "Dios mío, when I saw you in that car. You didn't move, Y/N, you weren't responding. There was a lot of smoke," his voice faltered for a second, and he stared out of the window, running a hand through his hair with a hard swallow. "I couldn't-"

But you didn't get to find out what exactly Carlos couldn't because the food arrived.

You ate the burgers in mostly silence, both of you more hungry than you knew from the long and stressful day. Burgers were absolutely the right call, and you told Carlos so as you sat, finally satisfied with a belly full of comfort food, picking off the last of your french fries. He seemed pleased with you, and you couldn't help but think how nice it was to have dinner with a man who was actively encouraging you to eat more, rather than questioning you for not choosing a salad. You told Carlos that, too.

"Food is important," he said it so simply, just a plain statement. You noticed he talked like that a lot, in relatively short sentences, all of which were perfect statements. He never seemed to invite contradiction or conflict, as if everything in his world was just simple facts. You couldn't help but find it addictive.

Once the food had been consumed Carlos rose without a word and collected the plates and glasses, neatly stacking them on a small table near the door.

"You don't have to do that," you started, standing to take the plates off him when you realised he was clearing up for you. Carlos turned, quite sharply, and met your gaze once more.

"I want to,"

There he went again, with those statements that you just couldn't argue over. You decided to let him have his way, and once he was done the pair of you retired back to the sofa.

"I'm sorry I don't really have anything to drink in here," you felt a little awkward, maybe it was the stubborn English culture kicking in that had trained an entire country to rely on copious amounts of alcohol at any social event.

"Cola is fine for us both, no?" You wanted to say no it was not, because your nerves were starting to return now you didn't have food to focus on and you would have quite liked a glass of wine or even a gin for a bit of liquid courage.

"Yeah, no of course it is," he had such a warm smile, you just wanted to be close to him.

"I would like to ask, why do you have your TV on always?" Part of you wanted to withdraw and lie, but he was staring at you with those wide eyes as if you held all the secrets he needed and before you could think you found yourself speaking honestly, for the first time in a while.

"I hate silence," you admitted "My head's always full, mind racing you know? Wherever I go I turn on the radio or the TV first thing and leave it on, it's just background noise really but it helps me drown out myself," you laughed awkwardly because you didn't quite know how Carlos would react to you telling him something quite personal, but he didn't laugh. He reached forward and placed a large hand on your forearm and squeezed lightly. When he leant back you could have sworn there would have been a burn mark in the shape of his hand on your arm.

"I understand,"

After you'd opened up to him it felt like part of the tension in the room had broken, and you found yourself relaxing again. He was still the Carlos you knew on the track, just as kind and funny and eager to please. Only now you were the sole subject of his attention. And you had to admit that whilst it was a little intense, you were loving every second.

The conversation flowed more naturally too, chatting about anything that came to either of your minds. It was easy and pleasant and it was only when he caught you stifling a yawn that the flow finally ceased.

"Are you tired?"

"No, I'm okay-"

"It's later than I was expecting," he acknowledged, nodding towards the clock on your bedside table that was reading nearly midnight. He stood despite your reasoning and you found yourself following him to the door. "This was really nice, but you need to sleep, to feel better,"

You knew where he was coming from and you agreed, but there was a strike of panic that suddenly shot through you as his hand closed around the handle door handle to leave.

"No, wait!" He dropped the handle as if it was electrified, that wide brown stare fixed on you, confusion and concern flashing across his features.

"I just don't think I want to be alone yet," you admitted to the floor, the sudden spike of fear that had shot through you was yet to subside and you could feel the icy cold shot of adrenaline making its way through your system, and not in a good way "Please?"

Your voice faltered and Carlos immediately stepped forwards, reaching to hold both of your upper arms as if to steady you.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" That did it, the shock of the day and the realisation of everything that had happened crashed into you with full force and for a second you felt your breath hitch. Your vision started to cloud as your eyes burnt, and you had to look away to allow yourself to swallow and try to blink it away. But it was too late, the lump had already formed in your throat and the moment you blinked you felt hot, wet tracks streak down your face. Words were clearly not going to happen for you so you just gritted your teeth and managed the smallest shake of your head.

"No, no, Cariño, don't cry," without hesitation Carlos pulled you even closer, allowing you to bury your face in his chest as he wrapped his arms around you and squeezed you just enough to provide the pressure you didn't know you needed. You instantly felt safe in his arms, like nothing could get to you when you were there. And it wasn't long with your forehead pressed against his sternum and several steadying breaths that you managed to regain control of yourself. Carlos didn't move a muscle aside from one hand gently rubbing your back, keeping you tight in the hug and not even flinching away from the contact until you managed to find the self-control to push yourself back, at which he immediately released you.

"Sorry," you mumbled, still staring at the floor. Then you dragged your fingers under your eyes and across your cheeks, perhaps a little harsher than necessary and managed to look at him. The expression on his face wasn't difficult to read, but it was confusing because he was staring at you as if the two seconds of weakness you had shown had completely broken his heart. "Dunno what came over me. Here," you moved back into the living space of the hotel room and threw him the remote control which he caught with ease "Do you wanna watch a movie or something?"

He nodded, not pushing you to talk which was good because the short burst of tears had done nothing but further tangle the mess in your head. Deciding that having to be dragged out of your car by Carlos and then have him subsequently watch you both throw up and cry within the space of only an afternoon, what remained of your dignity was now in tatters and so you climbed onto your bed without a second thought, too tired to care what he might think of you. He waited quietly, gently turning the remote in his hands as he watched you get comfortable on your side of the bed. You decided getting under the covers would be a step too far but opted for propping yourself up against the copious pillows behind you and stretching your legs out. Only when you stopped moving did he join you, sitting close, but not so close that he was touching you.

Within seconds you found that you had drawn your knees up to your chest, hugging them as you used to do when you were overwhelmed in your earlier years. You watched quietly as he flicked through the Netlfix options, squinting slightly to examine the titles. For some reason, you couldn't shake the panicked feeling that hit you when the Spaniard had gone to leave your room.

"Did I hurt you?" Your voice was small, and you did not appreciate the wobble in your tone. Carlos' attention was temporarily diverted from the television as you found him searching your face once more.

"No,"

"Don't lie,"

"Well, it was a crash. You know how the G-force hits, the muscles get a little sore but I'm not hurt," the look on your face clearly said that you weren't buying it. "Y/N, I promise to you, okay? I have hurt myself more at the gym," the way his hand landed on your shoulder, right at the top, on your neck really, a thumb caressing your cheek so briefly you could have sworn it never happened, was just enough to convince you to drop it.

"Okay,"

"Okay," he nodded and went back to picking the movie. You wished you could be like that, so calm and collected, so seemingly unfazed by the chaos surrounding him. You let him decide on the film, it was an action movie and you didn't even recognise the title but you didn't care. You just didn't want to be alone, you didn't want to dwell on the inevitable, but even as you stared non-focused on the sword-wielding heroes in front of you, you could feel it bubbling still.

"If I lose my seat because of this I deserve it," you said finally. The second the words were out of your mouth you felt lighter like your chest had finally been released and some of the weight lifted off. Something subconscious uncoiled within you.

"Drivers don't get fired for mistakes," he said like it was nothing.

"But it wasn't a mistake, I was told to push on the corner and I did,"

"You didn't plan to hit me, so it's a mistake, you're not gonna lose your seat,"

"But-"

"No,"

"Carlos-"

"No!" Finally, you thought, he responded to your worries with something other than total nonchalance. "You are so talented, Y/N, you're one of the best drivers on the grid. Look at you, you're fighting for the world championship in a midfield car - that's incredible. They don't wanna be losing you, and this is their fault anyway. So no more losing seats, okay? I don't wanna hear it," his eyes were blazing, burning right into yours and his cheeks were just starting to show a pale pink flush. Judging by the heat in your face, you were as red as a tomato. You were about to open your mouth to say, well, something, but Carlos beat you to it with a simple gesture forwards, and so you both turned and carried on watching the film in a slightly more tense, but still amicable silence.

You found yourself relaxing as the film went on. Carlos' silence was actually quite pleasant, as he seemed relaxed too, leaning back against your bed with casual attention on the movie, not frightened to laugh or gasp along with it as he pleased. Mirroring him was almost too easy, and you allowed yourself to stretch out once more and relax your shoulders. If Carlos noticed, he didn't say anything, and you appreciated that.

You weren't sure exactly when it happened, but he dropped the knee of the leg closest to you out to the side, causing it to knock gently against yours. And he didn't move away. The next thing you knew your legs were touching, all the way from your hip down to your ankle. It wasn't a cuddle, just a light contact, but it was nice. You couldn't help but feel calmer just by being in his presence. Before you could stop yourself you were leaning into his side, so your whole body was just pressed against his. He had an arm draped over your headboard, and you wondered if he would put it around you, but he never did, allowing you full control of the situation and the level of touch you wished to seek from him.

He was warm too, so warm, even in just a t-shirt. You supposed it was his Mediterranian blood. It was like having your own personal heater sat right beside you, a heater that was suddenly very still and had a wonderfully rhythmic breathing pattern. You found yourself naturally synching with his movements, and the film seemed to be quietening into the background.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You must have fallen asleep then because the next thing you knew you were waking up for the second time in a pitch-black room. You were sweating, your heart racing and your skin sticky and unpleasant, the only thing you wanted to do was remove everything from your body, instantly. You ripped the covers off and shimmied the sweatpants down your legs, kicking them quickly away from you and revelling in the way the cooled night air hit your legs. You were about to follow suit with your top when it occurred to you that you had not fallen asleep alone.

However, there was an eerie silence that blanketed you now. All it took was reaching a hand out to the other side of the bed to realise what your sinking heart already knew, Carlos was gone. You couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed, and actually quite embarrassed that he'd felt the need to sneak away from you. But the digital clock was showing it was close to 3am and you weren't even fully conscious, so you allowed yourself to flop back down and sleep off the rest of the night.

When you did wake up naturally once more, it was late in the morning. After scrolling through your phone for a bit, and finding yourself disappointed and actually quite annoyed that you hadn't even had so much as a text from Carlos, you decided to have a shower and take advantage of the all-day breakfast menu in the restaurant downstairs. It was only after your shower when you were rummaging around searching for something that you spotted a piece of paper folded and propped up against your bedside table.

The note was addressed to you and written in a familiar loping script.

Y/N,

You fell asleep and I didn't feel good to stay the whole night when you didn't ask me to, so I went back to my room. I hope it didn't upset you that I was gone, if I am to be so confident to hope you missed me!

I wish to thank you too for dinner last night. I wish I had been able to know you like that a bit more sooner. Perhaps you would like breakfast tomorrow? I will wait for you to wake up.

Love,

Carlos.

He'd written you a note. A real, old-school note and he'd signed it 'love'. You found yourself grinning like a schoolgirl, your heart racing and your face felt hot even though there was no one around. There was no point pretending, you thought to yourself, what was the point? You'd realised last night something was different and he made you feel good. Plus if you were about to go through a very challenging period with Aston Martin, and maybe even finding yourself losing a seat or transferring to a different team, then why didn't you deserve to have a bit of fun in the meantime?

You changed into a sundress that you knew was far too pretty for the restaurant in the hotel, and spent a little time fussing with your hair and makeup before you picked up your phone. It was still before midday, so you decided to take control for once, and sent off a one-word text to Carlos,

You: Brunch?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Two

Check out my masterlist here

Dear existing followers, I'm sorry it's YET ANOTHER new fandom!! Am still writing my Obvious fic and I'm planning to get Chapter 4 out in the next 1-2 weeks whilst I'm still on a break before I start rotations and shit hits the fan! Plus I have some spiderman content and a little James McAvoy thingy in the drafts...

But over exams, I managed to develop yet another hyperfixation, this time on Formula 1 (probably because there was tons of content to gobble up and distract myself from the horror that was 4th-year exams, because oh my god they were BRUTAL) and shortly after deciding that I don't hate the sport I grew up watching nearly every Sunday and not once appreciating, I very quickly collected a new person to obsess over.

Anyway, non-F1 followers meet Carlos. He is Spanish and sexy and in my opinion quite underrated. I think he's a really interesting person and gives a lot of layers to himself which to me just begs to be written about. So I wanted to get this off my chest and kick start back into writing with something that's chucking free dopamine at me and not giving me insane writer's block for now.

F1 followers/fans, this is my first F1 fic so please be nice. Undecided whether to leave this as a single or add in a second part with some smut as is my style. Input would be appreciated!! Either way, don't panic I defo have more ideas for Carlos and maybe some of the other drivers too so more content and definitely smut to come.

Also, standard disclaimer, this is real person fiction, but it is still FICTION. F1 fans don't take the Aston Martin/Imola track and turn shit too seriously, I didn't write it with accuracy in mind and I know realistically an Aston Martin car atm is not gonna be a championship contender but I love Track Dad!Seb too much. With Carlos, a full disclaimer is in my masterlist, but this is a work of fiction based on the personality he gives during his work. It's interpretation, not accuracy and out of respect to his current girlfriend, this is based in an AU where he is single.

Happy reading and I hope to be around for a wee bit again!

Rage and Love,

Le Gremlin xx

Forever taglist: @graysonmalfoy @inumorph @lokilvrr @bookgirlunicorn @thinkwritexpress-official @samandstuffworld @faeriedelalune-blog @elthanin-sive-blog-blog @ispendmoretimehere-blog @drakesfiance @allonesharingonebreath @storm-howlett @daneel-the-sister-of-castiel @groovy-lady

#formula one #carlos sainz #carlos sainz jr #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz x reader #ferrari #scuderia ferrari #carlos sainz fanfic #carlos sainz junior #carlos sainz 55 #F1 #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #sebastian vettel #aston martin #flat spin

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memes-saved-me · 3 years ago

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Predictions for Season 4

Neil is gone. (Spoilers maybe?) I saw a leaked audition for the school counselor talking to Susan and the person off screen says Neil is gone and her and Max are left alone. They change auditions scripts so its not concrete but I still think he won't be seen again this season

Vecna isn't Billy but someone we know but they are using Billy to scare Max in some way

Vecna could be 001 and Brenner accidentally created him

Max and Lucas will "break up" or be tense this season. I think Lucas and the group will have a few fights before coming together at the end

Robin and Nancy will be a mystery solving duo while Max, Dustin, Steve and Lucas will be following a hunch Max has about Billy or something else like the clock

We'll get either flashbacks or conversations about Hopper's time in Vietnam. Either between him and some of the other prisoners or him thinking about it so flashbacks

Someone is going to die. I'm on the fence about Steve because they're planning a bunch of spin offs and a Dustin and Steve one would definitely be the most popular so I don't know if they'd chance it. Vecna is going to kill someone in a cliffhanger moment to scare the group and the audience so everyone know how dangerous he is. Could be anyone really but I think it'll be a big death out of nowhere

That body of water Steve is in is near the trailer park or at least another portal is. Lover's Lake most likely

Eddie is going to be the Barb/Bob/Alexi of the season and will probably get taken out while playing guitar to distract the bats or whatever it is they're fighting

Max will get stuck in visions/nightmares like we see in the graveyard where she's being held by everyone and have to be snapped out of them. Music maybe? I want even the audience to be confused to what is real and what is a nightmare

I hope I'm wrong but I think Nancy and Steve are going to either have a moment or almost get back together and then Jonathan will turn up and that will get ditched again. That or Steve will have a new love interest

Robin won't get a gf but Nancy will find out she's gay because she asks why her and Steve haven't happened and she makes a comment. Nancy is chill with it

Susie is definitely going to be in it because of her room being in the California trailer

Robin has a crush on Vicki and we'll get wingman Steve 🤞

Steve tries to pull and fails yet again just like in S3

We're going to get a lot more day to day life in Hawkins compared to the past seasons.

They're going to use the Upside Down to either travel somewhere or communicate with someone.

Someone will get stuck in the Upside Down. Maybe at the end of pt1

Will is going to get frustrated being the third wheel and maybe even come out? Still not too sure but Noah keeps pushing the third wheel thing and it could lead to another argument with Mike like in s3.

El volunteers to go get her powers back and has a Carrie moment 🤞

Someone else gets powers. Maybe even Will??

Joyce and Hopper will kiss when she goes to rescue him. I mean I would.

Victor Creel will die somehow leaving a bunch of questions unanswered

We'll get a flashback to the Snowball from Max's pov and maybe Billy is there?

Just posting these to see if I'm right about anything lol. Might also reblog with some add ons or changes because new stuff is constantly coming out and changing my theories. I'm so excited but terrified.

#stranger things 4 #stranger things spoilers #stranger things speculation

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7prettylies · 2 years ago

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PLL: Original Sin [first episode recap]

welcome back, liArs! this time around on its third spin-off we're still in Pennsylvania this time around, but not Rosewood. Millwood. From the trailer and synopsis of the show, I'm going into it thinking of Original Sin as Pretty Little Liars meets Scream Queens.

They are keeping the theme and essence of PLL with 'A' and all of that while incorporating a tragedy that happened years ago and someone seeking revenge in the future, reminiscent of Scream Queens. If you haven't seen Scream Queens before, I highly recommend!

I do miss PLL: The Perfectionists and still believe they should've been picked up at least for season 2 - I personally enjoyed it - but, I welcome this new chapter with an open heart and an open mind. I'm overall glad to have familiarity again.

Main characters go as follows:

Imogen Adams played by Bailee Madison (3.3M; 393.7K)

Tabby Haworthe played by Chandler Kinney (312k; 20.9K)

Faran Bryant played by Zaria (36.4k; 2,124)

Minnie "Mouse" Honrada played by Malia Pyles (27k; 2,139)

Noa Olivar played by Maia Reficco (1.4M; 37.9K)

Hot take: While there is more diversity in the core and the cast, it's still a bit disheartening that the ring leader is caucasian. However, I do like Bailee, she's a part of so many individuals' childhoods and I recognize that they went for someone who most people know as their lead (like they did with Lucy). I mean no disrespect, please do not come at me. I am excited to see everyone's storylines and what contributes to their character.

That being said, let's get into it.

Chapter One: Spirit Week

As with the Perfectionists, we are keeping the PLL theme song!

December 31st, 1999, New Year's Eve PArty

A limping girl with mascara running down her face begs and pleads for someone to help her. Everyone ignores her and when she reaches her friends, one tries to help but the other tells her not to. She decides to climb a ladder and screams "Can you see me now?!" before falling off onto the floor. The crowd screams, and scurries off, leaving her "friends" staring in shock at her body.

22 Years LAter

Imogen and her mother are finishing dinner when a guest arrives. It is clear already that Imogen is not a fan. Her name is Karen and she's a popular twin. She gives Imogen's mother a letter that was taped to the door. It's a flyer to the party shown at the beginning - it's a warning.

Karen is here to collect her things since Imogen allegedly made out with her boyfriend. She exits the room and the girls notice a trail of blood leading to her Imogen's mother's bathroom. They find her dead in the tub. On the tile wall is the letter 'A' in blood.

MondAy, September 28th - One Month LAter

Since the death of Imogen's mother, she's been staying with Tabby. It's Tabby's mom who tried to help the girl in 1999 before Imogen's mom - Davie - told her not to.

Tabby and Imogen talk about how they didn't know their moms were friends on the way to Imogen's home. Unbeknownst to them, the villain is living in that house. They also discuss school since Imogen is returning after the death of her mother. She says the school will probably react the same way that they did when they found out she was pregnant. Then they'll move on to the next tragic kid.

It's spirit week!

"You don't owe anyone anything." - Tabby

We get glimpses of the other girls! They don't know each other yet, so I don't know if Tabby and Imogen knew each other before the murder. I would think so.

Noa is our first liar that gets an A text! Tabby is the second, Imogen is the third (in which she gets a glimpse of the villain), Mouse fourth, and Faran last.

Some girl freaks Imogen out about raising her child alone now that her mom is gone, leading her to not want any part of it anymore. She wants an abortion but she's too far in her pregnancy to do it. The only option she has now is adoption if she still doesn't want it.

Tabby, our film geek, fittingly works at the movie theater. Meanwhile, Noa is doing community service and sees A (and then sees the officer who's "supervising" the community service abusing his power - classic PLL). Back with Tabby, it's obvious there will be another abuse of power from an adult male.

Imogen gathers the courage to go back into her house for the photo she's looking for. It's an ultrasound of her child from her first appointment. While she's in her mother's room, she notices the flyer Davie got about the 1999 party she went to.

While being "dropped off" at home, Tabby is about to get kissed by her manager Wes and sees A. She tells him to start the car, and he sees A too. At first, he makes a move to get out, but she tells him not to. At home, she views what looks like private footage. She obtained this from the school locker room, so there's a good chance she put it there herself for...research?

TuesdAy

Faran - our ballet dancer - lands the lead in Swan Lake and her coach brings up her scoliosis. Mouse - our computer gamer girl - gets an invite to a school club.

Cafeteria scene! It's a smaller cafeteria than Rosewood's and the school lighting is dim. We get to see the liars at their own tables. So cute!

Anyways, Imogen comes in hot, yelling at Karen. She and her boyfriend (and apparently others) are triggered by her presence. So, she announces that she's going to run for spirit queen and win.

At Karen's home, we see her sister Kelly as well as their parents eating dinner. Surprise, surprise! Their father is the sheriff/officer who Noa saw using an underage male in his car. The scene was giving Euphoria vibes, idk. Okay pause. I KNEW Karen's boyfriend looked familiar and guess what? He played young Cal Jacobs! Also, Karen said c*nt which I've only ever heard in Euphoria, and was a bit taken aback by it. They also showed nudity in Tabby's locker room video. I'm not saying they can't do those things but I wasn't expecting that in PLL [insert cry emoji].

At home, Mouse is chatting with Ash, the friend who invited her to join the club. She's happy, giggly, and excited.

Faran is practicing ballet at school after hours and is the next liar to see A.

At Tabby's house, Imogen shares the party flyer with Tabby.

Ummm so towards the beginning there was a creepy (?) janitor and saw A walk in after hours. He tries to see who it is and tells them they can't be at the school. The janitor finds A's lair which is filled with a rodent, ballet shoes, dance flyers, and more. A appears at in the doorway and the janitor says it's off limits due to school property. A doesn't say anything and when the janitor says he'll call the police, A kills him. So, we know the lair is on school grounds.

WednesdAy

Imogen and Tabby walk into school and see spirit queen fliers. All of Karen's flyers have her face scratched out and derogatory words written on them. Meanwhile, there are new flyers of Imogen that she had not put up, with the second A in her last name in red. They are both sent to the principal's office.

Noa doesn't pass her drug test, Mouse gets accused of putting a dead rat in Karen's bookbag and Faran gets accused of putting a razor in Karen's ballet shoe. And so, all 5 of them end up in detention.

One by one each of the girls disclose how Karen blamed them for what landed them in detention. They all agree that she needs to be taken down and that's how this lovely group of 5 become the new liars.

All in all, a good first episode. I will be posting the recap for 2 & 3 in a separate post!

Kisses,

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pedropascalunofficial · 4 years ago

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Pedro Pascal and Lena Headey

Head to head interview

Hunger Magazine, Issue 6. Released December 28, 2014. Photoshoot October 15, 2013.

Thirteen million. That's the number of people, on average, who tuned into each episode of the third season of Game of Thrones. Among them was Chilean actor Pedro Pascal, who was as enthralled by the sex and slaughter as the rest of us. But little did he know that within a few months he'd be pitching up on the shores of Belfast to join the cast as Oberyn Martell, affectionately known as the Red Viper. Sound ominous? It is. The Red Viper is GoTs newest anti-hero, “sexy and charming but driven by hate”. Sounds like he'll be right at home.

Pedro, on the other hand, though he looks good on paper, wasn't the obvious choice for the role. Expecting a big name to ride into King’s Landing, the show's fans took to forums to express their concerns as soon as the news broke. So is he worried? Like hell he is. “The fans had the part cast in their minds already. They knew who they wanted and it certainly was not me. But I'm not stupid, | presumed that people were going to say ‘who the fuck is this guy’. Since I anticipated the reaction it didn't throw me off.”

“There are so many different ways to go into battle with yourself when you're trying to get a job. I felt a certain amount of pressure because I wanted to make everyone happy. The fan base is so specific and, as a fan myself, I understand the relationship that they have with the show. The Red Viper is the best part I've ever played, and in season four shocks come at the most unexpected times. You might think you know, but you have no idea,” he explains.

Looks like the Red Viper could be in line to fill a Walter-White-sized-hole in television, but to test the theory we pit Pascal against Lena Headey, aka the Queen. Because if you can come away from Cersei unscathed, you can handle anything.

LH: So, Pedro, you come into Game of Thrones in season four, playing a pretty major character. Does that fill you with joy or dread?

PP: I'd say it fills me with joy because it’s a really fucking fun part. He’s a badass. He comes up against a lot of the main characters in the show. I'm very aware of the show. I watch it like a fan.

LH: Were you a fan before you arrived in Belfast?

PP: Yeah, I was a proper fan. I was caught up in the drama of it before I even auditioned for the part. I was already up to speed.

LH: I remember meeting you and thinking, “he fucking loves the show’.

PP: I kissed your ass.

LH: Well, it worked. We're friends now.

PP: I was like a tourist visiting the set, and yet I had to act with you and be in a scene with the characters that I had such a specific association with already.

LH: So you’re saying it’s boring?

PP: No, it wasn’t boring at all. It was extremely, relentlessly surreal.

LH: And who were your favourite characters up until that point?

PP: Not you.

LH: I realise that!

PP: There are too many characters to have a favourite, but I was fascinated by the Lannisters because they're so frightening. They scared me and then you would come in and pull sympathy from your audience somehow, and I found that rather fascinating. The Northerners were so easy to like or get behind, but it was quite something to see people sympathise with a Lannister, after you made people see things from their perspective.

LH: Speaking of being slightly ambiguous as a character, you come in as a major player and a very well-loved character in the eyes of people who read the books, and he’s somewhat of an anti-hero. Did you base him on anyone?

PP: What does an anti-hero mean exactly?

LH: It means he doesn't wear deodorant, doesn't it? [Laughs]. Someone you shouldn't champion, but you do, like Walter White in Breaking Bad.

PP: No, | didn’t really base him on anyone.

LH: Did you take anything from classic movies that you thought you could use and spin to your advantage playing the Red Viper?

PP: God, that’s a good question. I probably did subconsciously. Now I feel under the spotlight because I need to think of somebody, and I have so many in my mind! I think that’s something that is happening a lot in TV today: the anti-heroes are central to these television shows, and people are really getting behind them, even though they're not necessarily the most moral characters. So I'd say that ‘ve become more familiar with the character who's obviously very flawed but gets you on their side — you have complicated feelings about them. But I think I saw the story too much from this character's perspective to perceive any flaws.

LH: He has some.

PP: I know, from the outside. But I don't see any of them. What are his flaws?

LH: His flaws? He's a dirty bastard!

PP: Why is he a dirty bastard? He likes to fucking fight, for sure.

LH: Back to you as an actor. You've done it for a long time and, as we all know, the path is not always golden, and sometimes you think, “fuck it” and you want to leave it and do something else. Have there been moments where you wanted to give up?

PP: Yes, there have been moments where I came very close to giving up. But I never had anything to fall back on. I think you can understand that.

LH: Because were stupid?

PP: We're stupid.

LH: I can't even make pizza!

PP: We don’t have any other skills.

LH: None at all!

PP: And that’s the odd conundrum. You get to a point where you think, “This isn’t going to happen. This isn’t sustainable. I'm too exhausted, and it can't be good for me.” There were moments where I truly did try to formulate an idea of what I'd do. I thought I'd go back to school, start pre-med again and go to medical school or something like that.

LH: But that didn't happen, you just thought about it?

PP: Yes, I'd have thoughts, but it was still fantasy really. But at the time it felt like a practical life plan. Do you know what I mean?

LH: Yeah of course, you need to pay the fucking rent.

PP: Exactly. You just try to escape from the chaos of what you're feeling by trying to create order in your life. Order seems like a solution to save you from the pain of acting!

LH: It's a mental pain. Who was the first person you called when you got the role?

PP: My sister.

LH: Does she watch the show?

PP: Yes, she does.

LH: Pedro Pascal... or Pablo as I called you when I had too much wine, which was deeply insulting.

PP: Even family members have done that to me! Do I look more like a Pablo? Because it happens with about ninety-five percent of the people I meet.

LH: No, I think I’m just an ignorant drunk person.

PP: No, you were an ignorant drunk person that night is what you're saying.

LH: And now I’m educated.

PP: [Whispers] But | want you to call me Pablo.

LH: Ok, Pablo! When you first arrived on set in Northern Ireland, what was your feeling showing up to a bunch of British actors? Did it feel different to doing an American project?

PP: Yes, but I loved it. It wasn’t intimidating. I found it surreal because I’d watched and loved the show. I hadn't had the opportunity to work on something that I was really familiar with before, so it was overwhelming. But it was far more delightful than intimidating. Also you guys were really cool. Everyone was friendly.

LH: Oh, that’s just fake.

PP: Well, you guys were good at it!

LH: We know Game of Thrones is very popular obviously. Do you have any thoughts, or fears, about what this is going to bring you in terms of exposure?

PP: I have hope.

LH: Oh, God. I don’t mean to shatter that, but give it up.

PP: I don’t know really. It’s all been filmed, and now I'm back to my normal routine, so I haven't really thought about it. I remember when we finished filming and we were on our way to the airport, you asked me, “How does it feel you're all done?” and I couldn't really answer.

LH: You were quite emotional that day.

PP: I was very emotional because I’d had such an amazing time doing the part. Also just being there immersed in the experience... You described it to me best. You told me how I'd be feeling.

LH: We don't know your character's backstory when you enter the show, and you have some rather brutal scenes. Anyone who has read the books will know what I’m talking about.

PP: My character comes in, he stirs a bunch of shit up, and then he makes this fucking enormous exit. Now can | ask you a question?

LH: What is it? I’m not going to sleep with you. Give it up.

PP: Oh, come on! This has gone to shit and it’s your fault, so good luck to whoever has to edit it! But anyway, sometimes I'd hang out with the cast members and we'd go to dinner and they would get stopped constantly. There was no denying who they played because they were so recognisable, but you got away with it because you have this beautiful blonde wig on in the show, and in real life you are...

LH: Grey?

PP: {Laughs] No! You have beautiful chestnut hair! Is it liberating to not be recognised the way some of the other cast members are?

LH: Yes, it is liberating.

PP: Liberating being able to walk down an alley in Dubrovnik without being stopped?

LH: Yes, except sometimes | get recognised in the weirdest places. A woman was emptying my bag at Heathrow Airport's security gates and just went, “Are you the Queen?” while rummaging through my underwear. It was so fucking weird.

PP: It seems they're more respectful to you?

LH: Because they're frightened. Wait until they meet the Viper.

PP: Well, that covers it.

LH: I think we're going to get our own show out of this, you know

youtube

Interested in learning more about Pedro? Check out Pedro Pascal Unofficial on Pinterest!

#pedro pascal #lena headey #hunger magazine #shot October 2013 #published December 2014 #game of thrones #queen cersei #prince oberyn #oberyn #oberyn martell #hunger tv

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