#if u or anyone wanna ask anymore questions about the fic i would honestly love to

[stopthatfool]

Hi fool! <3

I love your fanfic so much and I remember reading it a while ago and genuinely loving it so so much! I really enjoy your interpretation of the characters, particularly Slider! :)

Your fic was one of my favorites for a good while (before I took a break from the fandom)! I still love it so much! Do you ever plan on updating it any time soon? (I’m so sorry if you’ve already addressed this)

Hello squoony!! <3

It's so nice to hear from you! And thank you again for your lovely comments on the jeep fic!! I always appreciate comments, so thank you! I'm glad to hear that you like my interpretation of Slider--I was so worried about getting him wrong/inaccurate! :) And no need to apologize for anything! I'm always happy to answer questions about the fic!

To answer your question: I do plan on updating, I just don't really know when that will be lol. I thought I would be able to update over the summer like I did to last year, but I obviously didn't end up doing that. My life recently has been a little crazy (kinda got hit with that infamous fanfic writer curse) and it threw me for a loop for a little while and kind of killed any desire to write for top gun specifically.

I have a plan for the rest of the fic though! And it's always in the back of my head begging me to finish it! Uni has started up for me again, which makes everything complicated (as privatized education always does), but I'm starting to let myself think about the fic again (and making minor edits and fixes to the published chapters here and there)!

I know my answer doesn't really give a definite time as to when ch. 8 will be finished and posted, but it's what I'm working with right now so I hope that's ok!

It's really nice to know that people are thinking about the fic, so thank you for reaching out, I really appreciate it!! <33

[pepsiboyy]

idk if you take fic requests! but maybe a fic based off of Greek God by Conan Gray. like Matt or Chris pretend they don’t like yn where they’re around their sport (whatever sport, you choose!) friends. they all have a really high ego and are cocky. but there’s a tension between M/C and yn bc they used to be friends until M/C got popular but yn didn’t so now they’re not friends cuz M/C let his popularity status get to him. but they sometimes speak on the down low (M/C doesn’t wanna be seen talking to yn) they’re families are family friends which is why they’re technically forced to still talk every once in a while. but eventually the tension gets too intense, and well, M/C can’t handle it anymore and it ends up turning into a childhood friends to enemies to lovers type story 🤭 ALSO, YN STANDS HER GROUND AND DOESNT LET M/C GET HER THAT EASILY, SHES NOT JUST GONNA FALL FOR HIM INSTANTLY CUZ HE FINALLY STARTS PAYING ATTENTION TO HER!! thanks!!

GREEK GOD.

pairing: chris sturniolo x fem!reader summary: just read the request :p warnings: cursing, mentioned of alcohol, being drunk, use of y/n lol, angst (resolved sorta) a/n: THANK U SO MUCH FOR THIS REQUEST!!! i hope it's what you were looking for, i spent a lot of time trying to make this work :") thank you so much for the request!!

i stood at the edge of the ice rink, my hands clasping together with high hopes.

i came to cheer on matt and chris, with nick seated beside me as he scrolled through instagram and snacked on some chips that he brought.

nick was my best friend, without a doubt. i told him everything. matt was one of my comfort friends. someone i didn't talk to as often as nick, but enough to where i feel fully comfortable talking to him about whatever may happen. chris, on the other hand...

chris was chris.

it was hard to describe the dynamic the two of us shared.

chris and i actually used to be closer than me and nick, or anyone, honestly.

he would pick me up when i fell, give me some of his snacks and even a sip of his pepsi if i wanted. he would reassure me when i felt low, and even put me in my place if he knew i was out of line.

before we knew it, high school rolled around. freshman year was relatively normal, sophomore year too.

junior year he started making newer friends, but he also had a different lunch period from the rest of us. i'd only really see him when matt gave me rides home.

senior year rolled around, and chris was a changed person. ever since he made it to the varsity hockey team with his new friends, he changed. he claims it's because we "grew apart" but we didn't. he goes out of his way to make me look bad in front of his friends, or even act like he has no idea who i am. it kind of made me feel stupid.

matt being on varsity with him didn't help his case at all, either.

so, when i came to watch them play, nick would sit with me and i would cheer on them both, even if chris pretended to hate me.

so, here i am. standing at the edge of the rink with nick, who was now standing beside me as we watched the two we knew and loved. matt effortlessly weaving past a defender, sending the puck flying towards chris, who sent it into the goal and made it.

the sound of skates cutting through ice was sharp in my ears, and the bright arena lights cast a glow over everyone while each and every cheer echoed in the cold air.

i remember when we all used to skate together freshman year here, the arena empty and our arms all linked together because i couldn't skate for the life of me, on matter how bad i tried.

those days felt like a lifetime ago now.

you had all grown a lot since then.

apart, apparently.

"hey, y/n, what are you doin' here?" a boy from the team questioned, skating to the glass with a cocky grin. "came to see the champ?" he asked, referring to chris.

i rolled my eyes and crossed my arms, allowing my eyes to trail elsewhere. "just here to support my friends." i mumbled.

chris glanced over, his expression neutral, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes - guilt, maybe, or recognition of the unspoken tension between them. before i could look away, he turned back to his friends, laughing at some joke i couldn't hear.

i sighed and took a seat beside nick again, letting out a soft hum as i did. the familiar sting of hurt and anger was beginning to get to me.

the memory of chris and i being inseparable, chris changing, chris making fun of me to his friends, all of it. it hurt. popularity inflated his ego, and i always refused to be an admirer in his little fan club.

after the game, i found myself lingering near the exit of the rink. i typically waited for the crowd to die and the traffic to slow down before leaving. it was too busy for me.

the locker room door swung open, and out poured the hockey team that was riding out the high of their win. chris was among them, laughing loudly and tossing his hockey stick over his shoulder. we met eyes for a moment, and his smile seemed to falter. until he leaned to a friend of his and nudged them, mumbling something to make them both laugh.

"hey, y/n!" chris called out. "didn't think you'd stick around here. still obsessed with me or what?"

i stared at chris with a deadpanned expression. "stop getting me to stroke your ego, christopher." i bit back, trying to keep my voice steady.

this shit was annoying, really.

chris's friends snickered, and he shrugged it off, turning away as if i were nothing more than an afterthought to him. "whatever. let's get out of here."

the group moved past me, their laughter seeming to echo in the hallway. i felt a lump form in my throat, but i refused to let anyone see me get upset over something to miniscule.

i knew this version of chris was a facade, but that didn't really make it hurt any less. the boy i once loved and cared for deeply was now buried under layers of arrogance and bravado, and i wasn't about to let him off the hook so easily.

the crowd began to die down, so i gathered myself and pushed out of the door, making my way towards my car.

as i walked towards the car, i saw chris again, this time with his brothers as they leaned against their minivan and talked about the game together.

for a moment, chris looked up, and our eyes met. there was a flicker of something in his gaze - regret, maybe, or a silent apology - but it vanished as quickly as it appeared.

he mumbled something to his brothers before he kicked off and made his way towards me.

"need a ride home? matt can take you." his tone was casual, but strained.

i stared at chris for a moment in disbelief, before quickly shaking my head and sighing. "no thanks. i can manage."

chris opened his mouth as if to say something, but then closed it, looking away. the silence between us stretched, and it filled with all the things left unsaid.

and with that, i turned on my heel and began walking home.

saturday. the days where the sturniolo household invited me for dinner were so much fun, genuinely. they were an amazing family. and chris typically acted normal around her when she was invited over.

i pulled into the driveway of their home, smiling softly to myself as i turned the music down. i pulled down the mirror and fixed my hand, humming to myself before taking my keys.

i was wearing something pretty cozy, just a crewneck and some bleached jeans and converse. they were like my second family, no need to get fancy.

i knocked on the door, where matt answered and pulled me into a hug of greeting. "hi, y/n," he breathed and smiled softly before leading me further into their home, where i was met with nick, marylou, their mother, and jimmy, their father.

"where's chris?" i questioned, the words falling from my lips faster than i could stop them.

nick exchanged a look with matt before he shrugged. "not sure, he just said he was going to some hockey party for their win last night."

i scoffed and nodded, taking a seat in my usual spot between nick and marylou.

the empty chair across from me was honestly quite intimidating. more than it would have been if chris were there.

chris was always the one with crazy stories and conversation topics.

we sat in a comfortable silence, though, which i'm sure nick and matt enjoyed as they listen to chris every day of their lives.

"you're still goin' to their hockey games and cheerin' em on?"

marylou questioned, and i turned to her and smiled. "yeah, they're really great, actually." i smiled softly, and marylou nodded.

"i know chris has been on a bit of an ego train, i hope he's still been kind to you guys." jimmy mumbled softly.

i swallowed and rubbed the back of my head. "yeah, he's been great, actually." i lied.

nick and matt stared at me, but decided not to question it before continuing their meal.

but then my phone began to ring, and everyone's attention shifted to me.

"i'm so sorry," i quickly mumbled as i removed it from my pocket and immediately felt every bit of air in my lungs leave.

why is chris calling me?

i rose to my feet and held up a finger, chuckling nervously. "i'm gonna take this," i mumbled quickly.

i made my way down the hall and to the front room. "hello?" i questioned softly.

"y/n/n," chris slurred on the other end. "i- i'm at a party, and.." he trailed off before giggling to himself, "i might.. need a ride home," he mumbled.

i sighed, rubbing my temple in annoyance. "where are you?"

chris mumbled an address, hardly coherent. "can you... can you come get me? please?"

i sighed to myself. "why can't you get matt or nick or something?"

"they'll get pissed," he stated, a little clearer than the rest of his sentences. "i don't want them to worry about me." chris struggled to get the word worry out of his system, making me crack a slight smile.

"fine," i stated as i fixed myself, "stay put. i'll be there soon."

i hung up the phone and made my way back to the dining room, where everyone collectively turned to me.

"everything alright?" nick asked, and i quickly nodded.

"everything's good, i do have to go, though. i'm so sorry you guys. i'll make it up to you?" i smiled. "i just, um.. have to run."

they all exchanged looks before nodding and bidding me farewell, nick walking me out.

i sat in my car and typed the address into my phone, rubbing my forehead.

i didn't enjoy parties. they were loud, sweaty, gross and full of annoying ass kids. usually.

and as i pulled up, it was just that. a typical high school party scene - loud music, teenagers spilling out onto the lawn, and the faint smell of alcohol and weed in the air. i found chris on the footsteps, his head buried in his hands. i quickly made my way towards him after parking and kneeled down in front of him.

"come on, let's get you home." i said, helping him to his feet.

chris leaned on my heavily as we made our way to my car. i buckled him in and got into the driver's sear, the tension between us palpable in the confined space. as i drove, chris mumbled some incoherent words, his head lolling against the window.

"y/n," he suddenly said, his voice clearer but thick with emotion. "i'm sorry."

i glanced at him, eyebrows raised. "for what?"

"for everything," he continued, his eyes half-closed. "for being an ass. for ignoring you. for... for all of it."

i took a deep breath as i felt a mixture of sadness and anger bubbling within me. i gripped the steering wheel tighter, unsure of how to respond. "you're drunk, chris. you don't know what you're saying."

"no," chris insisted, reaching out and touching my arm. "i do, i've been a jerk. i miss you. i miss us."

i pulled into my own driveway, knowing chris wouldn't want to see his family like this. i would just take his phone and send them a text saying he was with a friend tonight or something.

i turned off the engine and took a deep breath. "let's get you inside."

chris stumbled out of the car, leaning on me for support the whole way to the door. i fished for my keys and unlocked the door, quickly guiding him to my living room couch.

as i laid a blanket over him, he grabbed my hand as his eyes locked with mine.

"i still care about you, y/n. i always have."

my heart pounded, but i forced a laugh, trying to deflect the intensity of the moment. "sleep it off, chris. we'll talk in the morning, okay?"

i brushed a few loose strands from his forehead and stood up, turning off the light and going to my room. my mind raced with conflicting emotions.

part of me wanted to believe his drunken confession, but another part of me was still so angry. still hurt by the way he had treated me. as i laid in bed and stared at my ceiling, i couldn't shake the feeling that things between us were far from over. and that this was just the beginning of a much more complicated story.

the sizzling of the bacon on the oven was comforting, in a way. i had an airpod in, playing some softer, but upbeat music to get me up and going for the long, long day ahead.

i turned my head upon hearing some shuffling in the kitchen, meeting eyes with chris. "morning," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"morning," i replied, placing a plate of food with bacon, eggs and sausage onto the counter in front of him. "eat up. you'll feel better."

he sat down and started eating, occasionally glancing at me as i cleaned up the kitchen. after a few minutes of awkward silence, he looked at me. "look, about last night.."

i crossed my arms and leaned against the counter. "what about it?"

chris looked down at his plate, poking at his eggs. "i meant what i said, you know. but i was drunk, and.. and maybe it didn't come out right-"

"maybe?" i questioned, my voice sharp. "you've been treating me like i don't exist for months, chris. one drunken apology doesn't fix that."

he winced at my words, but nodded. "i know, i've been an idiot. i got caught up in... everything. the team, the popularity. but that's no excuse."

"no, it's not." i stated, my anger beginning to bubble to the surface. "you think you can just waltz back into my life with a half-assed apology and everything will be fine? it doesn't work that way." i spat.

chris stood up, stepping closer. "i'm not asking for everything to be fine overnight. i'm asking for a chance to make things right."

i shook my hear, my eyes flashing with frustration. "do you even realize how much you hurt me? how it felt to be ignored, to be treated like i was nothing?"

"i do now," he said quietly. "and i'm sorry. truly. i want to make it up to you, if you'd let me."

i looked up at him, searching his eyes for any sign of insincerity. he seemed genuine, his usual bravado stripped away, leaving only the boy she used to know.

"i don't know if i can trust you," i admitted, my voice softer now.

chris reached out and took my hand in his. "i get that. and i will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back."

he pulled me into a tight hug, where i gently hugged his waist and took in his scent.

i missed this.

"just one date. give me a chance?" chris mumbled, the smile audible in his tone.

i hesitated, my mind racing. part of me wanted to say no, to protect myself from his bullshit. but another part of me remembered all of the good times.

"one date," i finally stated, my voice firm. "but this doesn't mean i'm just forgiving you, chris. you have a lot to prove."

he nodded quickly, his lips curving into a smile. "i promise i won't let you down."

i pulled away from his embrace and smiled at him before turning to the sink and doing the dishes. "you better now."

as i did the dishes, i felt a glimmer of hope mixed with lingering doubt. chris had a long way to go to earn the trust i had for him back, but for the first time in months, she felt like maybe, just maybe, things could change.

[eberles]

i hate u, i love u

Rafe Cameron

(gif by @toesure :)

Request: A Rafe fic based on the song “I hate u, I love you” by gnash (ft Olivia O’Brien) PLEASE MAJOR RAFE VIBES 🥺💖 @fav-imagines

A/N: I wanted to cry writing this lol idk why but it hit me right in the feels!! it’s kind of all over the place, if anyone is confused by, don’t worry bc i am too!!!! lol anyways enjoy!! (this is probably the first thing ive ever written that goes with rafe’s character) bold = lyrics, italics = flashbacks

Warnings: angst, mentions of drugs, cheating, lying, toxic relationship, swearing

feelin used, but im still missin you and i cant see the end of it just wanna feel your kiss against my lips and now all this time is passing by, but i still cant seem to tell you why it hurts me every time i see you, realize how much i need you

I’ve spent months sitting in my room staring at the ceiling, and at the walls. I did a full Bella Swan from New Moon and let 3 months go by without being present for any of them. I didn’t care honestly...Even after spending all that time alone, i’m not still not healed from the heartache that was caused by him. I still miss him, his scent, his kisses, his clothes, everything. Rafe.

I went out once and he was the last person I wanted or planned to see, but of course, he was the only person I actually saw. Sure, there were other people around, but none of them mattered. Everyone else felt greyed out except for him. He was the only light I could see in those short moments. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, my breath hitched in my throat and it felt like there was no air left to breathe.

After months it still hurts to see him again. It hurts because I realized I still need him even after everything. I hate him. So why do I love him? The feeling of him being the only one I want, the one nobody could ever replace...it’s overwhelming and I can’t seem to shake it. But me? He replaced. It looked like it was easy from my point of view. He needed her, wanted her, and i’m not her.

i miss you when i can’t sleep or right after coffee or right when i can’t eat, i miss you in my front seat, still got sand in my sweaters from nights we don’t remember. do you miss me like i miss you? fucked around and got attached to you.

My head was consumed on thoughts of you. It was constant. Like the leaky faucet in the bathroom or the loose floorboard. Always running, always broken. I miss you. Maybe you’ll come around, but for now...I wish you were here instead. When it’s late and I can’t sleep, I think about you. When it’s early and I can’t eat, I think about you.

“Where are we going?” you giggled excitedly, grabbing my hand from across the console in my truck.

“Shh, I told you it’s a surprise baby, we’re almost there anyways.” I laughed at her giggling like a kid, she had so much excitement in her eyes. She was always ready for anything, even if it was 2 in the morning and I love that about her. I love everything about her.

“Ugh fine!” she groaned dramatically and rolled her eyes in a full circle looking up at the ceiling. “Why are we at the beach?” you didn’t even give me enough time to answer before jumping out of the truck and running towards the sand laughing the entire way to the water. Once I caught up with you, I grabbed your hands and pulled you close into my chest, kissing your forehead. When we broke apart I laid down a few blankets on the sand, noticing you were cold, I also gave you my sweater.

We stared at the stars and talked about anything and everything for hours. It felt magical. We stayed until the sun came up, watching the sunset before driving back to my house for some much needed rest.

Walking over to my closet, curious to know if that same sweater ended up back in my closet after that night. I reached in, digging around not finding anything and decided to look in my dresser instead. Of course, it was folded neatly in the drawer you used to call yours. Grabbing and shaking it out I noticed the light pieces of sand that fell from it. I brought it in to my nose wondering if it still smelt like your perfume. It did. I’m always tired lately, but never of you. Do you miss me too?

if i pulled a you on you, you wouldn’t like that shit, i put this reel out, but you wouldn’t bite that shit. i type a text then i never mind that shit, i got these feelings, but you never mind that shit. you’re still in love with me but your friends don’t know.

To Y/N: i wanna talk, i think...maybe i miss y-

*delete*

To Rafe: I miss you so much, it hurt someti-

*delete*

“Y/N...what’s going on? You’re off in never never land! Do you still miss him?” Kiara asked, gently shaking my knee to gain my attention back to the group. I looked at her and around at the rest of the pogues and put a smile on my face, shaking my head.

“Of course not, it’s been months! I’m so over him, guys. Besides even if I did, it wouldn’t matter.” I tried so hard to sound confident. I hope they bought it. Of fucking course, I miss Rafe. I’m still in love with him for gods sake. I hate that I want him.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

Sure, i’ve moved on, but I think about y/n, just about everyday. I guess for me, moving on is finding someone new, but not actually wanting anyone new. I just couldn’t bare to be alone anymore with my thoughts. I deserve better than that, personally.

“Anyways Topper, if y/n wanted me still, she would say so right?” I looked at Topper, silently hoping he would lie to me, just tell me what I want to hear, man. “If I were her, I would’ve never let me go. She’s missing out.”

“Hell yea, dude! That’s the right attitude.” Topper said, jumping up to high five me. Of course, that was the statement he was on board with. I hate that I want you.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

I haven’t been to a party in months, Kiara and Sarah thought that this would be the most fitting post-break up activity for me. Maybe meet a new guy or something. I tuned out when they were telling me about it and just agreed. What I neglected to listen to, was that it was a kook party. So now, i’m at a party alone, since my friends ditched me to dance with each other. And on top of that, I watch him watch her, like she’s the only girl he’s ever seen.

It took less than an hour of being at this party for us to end up in a room alone together.

“You don’t care! You never did!” Rafe shouted, running his hands through his hair, clearly exasperated with this conversation. I don’t even know how it started. One minute I was watching him with another girl, and the next he was hauling me off, away from everyone.

“You don’t give a damn about me, Rafe! How is it you never notice that you’re slowly killing me?” you wanted to yell back at him, to scream at him for putting you through this again, but you couldn’t. He didn’t say anything in return so you continued, “I hate you, and I hate that I love you, Rafe.” I’ve tried to move on, but even the simple thought of dating anyone but him, makes me physically ill. Why does it have to be like this?

“I don’t mean no harm, I just miss you on my arm, babe. Do you ever wonder what we could’ve been y/n?” He’s taunting me by asking dumb questions, as if I wanted this to happen, as if i’m the cause of all of this. Rafe’s the one that was closed off, not me. Of course, he switches the stories and i’m sure everyone at this damn party thinks I left him heart broken.

“You have a girlfriend, why are you even asking me that?” I was starting to get angry, I felt like he was toying with me.

He’s laughing. Of fucking course, he’s laughing at me. This is all one big fucking joke to him. “Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix. Isn’t that what you always told your friends Rafe?” I was furious, how could he act that way after everything? He’s still a child though, that will never change.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

You were right. I did lie to you, multiple times. About where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. I didn’t want you to know I was such a fuck up. You didn’t deserve the pain of finding out I was lying and cheating and drugging. You did anyways though. Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed.

“Rafe! Come dance with me!” I downed the rest of my drink before throwing the glass down and walking away from the new girl I was seeing. I didn’t care anymore.

I don’t want you, Y/N. I shouldn’t fucking miss you. I don’t deserve to! Seeing you again is such bullshit. If you wouldn’t have shown up here, I wouldn’t have said those things to you. Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges, just to create some distance. You didn’t deserve that, I knew it, but at least now you might learn your lesson and stay away. It’s for the best, right?

I hate that I love her, but I can’t put nobody else above her.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

I wasn’t sure if I had the closure I needed, but after that particular conversation with Rafe I felt a little better. I returned to the party with my head held high and danced with my friends. I hoped he was watching me too since i’m not sure what he was trying to do by joking around at my expense. But maybe if he thinks it didn’t bother me he will know how it fucking feels. 

I learned from my dad that it’s good to have feelings when love and trust is gone. I guess this is moving on. I hate you, I love you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[violetwolfraven]

41 for javid would work so perfectly ahfkfjxhsga and/or 34, whichever one u want 🥺🥺🥺

I was scared to come out and ask you out because I didn’t know our entire friend group was gay but I definitely know now???

and

We broke up but I found the letters you wrote me before that and I still love you so wanna get back together? (did I copy this from one specific fic I read? Possibly.)

Ok! Buckle in your seatbelts, y’all! This is gonna be a MASSIVELY LONG THING! Also @61-flaming-sour-cherry-scones I love your url. Just getting that out there. Modern AU, btw. Also does this end in December, 2019, conveniently avoiding COVID? Possibly! :)

...

Jack didn’t mean to find that box, but in his defense, it was not hidden well. Just in the back of his closet, which he hadn’t cleaned out since... damn. Since the breakup.

And Jack was fine with said breakup, by the way. Him and Davey weren’t right together anymore.

And Jack didn’t smile less, or work himself harder as a distraction, or whatever bullshit his brothers, mom, and all his friends said.

If Davey never texted first anymore, or barely even talked when friends asked him to hang out or whatever, that was none of Jack’s business.

Jack had texted Davey exactly once since the breakup, because Elmer had told him that he had an anxiety attack in a bar, which he was only there in the first place because he was designated driver.

Davey had said he was fine, and that meant he was, right?

Davey had not mentioned anything about leaving a shoebox in Jack’s closet. As a matter of fact, he hadn’t mentioned it, ever.

Did it sting that Jack’s ex had kept a secret box of... something? from him? Maybe. Whatever the case, Jack was curious by nature, and he was definitely opening the box.

It was... letters? Sealed letters in envelopes, the earliest one on the very top, in one corner of the box. The only thing written on it was a date; September 7th, 2011.

That would be... 8th grade? Probably the first day of school? Jack was super confused. Still, he opened the letter.

Dear Jack Kelly,

I know this is terrible and corny and I’m probably going to shred this letter with the pocket knife Sarah got for our last birthday, but I had to write it down somewhere.

I think I’m gay. Specifically, gay for you. And I know that’s weird, I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re like the living personification of the moon. (Not the sun. I’ve never understood why people compare their crush to the sun. Nobody likes looking directly at that.) You saw me sitting alone before school and you took me in. I mean it. You brought me over to your friend group and said I was a new kid who was going to be your friend now, and the whole group just adopted me without questioning it. All of you are so nice. At first I thought it was a trick, but then I saw you comforting Blink when he had a panic attack. (Also, I’m still getting used to the nickname thing. That’s still weird and I’m not sure how I feel about the one you gave me.) You were so gentle with him, Jack. You knew exactly how to calm him down and you were so patient with him while you helped Mush drive the fear away. I didn’t think boys our age knew how to be like that. I do now, because of you. Well, and because of Race being, well, Race. I don’t think anyone could mistake him for a bully. Or Crutchie. Or Romeo. Heck, most of your group is just so nice I can barely believe it. I think I’ll bring Saz to meet you tomorrow. She already made a friend, but she said that this girl, Katherine, said she already knows you. Maybe we can all be friends.

I really wish we could be more, but I know that would never work. I can’t tell anyone I’m gay. You’d think I’m a freak. But since you’ll never read this, I can admit it here: I have a massive crush on you, Jack Kelly.

Sincerely, David Davey

Jack was not going to let himself cry about a letter written in 8th fucking grade. He was, however, very confused about why it was in his closet.

A letter from before Davey was out of the closet found in the closet. If Jack wasn’t so goddamn depressed, he would appreciate the irony.

The next letter was dated: September 24th, 2011.

Dear Jack,

We’re all friends now. Gotta say, I already can’t imagine my life without you and the other guys. And maybe I didn’t meet Kath that first day, but she’s probably my best friend, besides you, of course. She’s the only other one with brain cells, besides maybe Specs. Us three had to talk you and the others out of riding a shopping cart Albert stole from Walmart down a hill yesterday. Honestly, would it kill you to be a little smarter? I know for a fact you can be, Jack Kelly. You and the others actually have a fair amount of brain cells each when apart. It’s only when the only group gets together that you all do stupid stuff.

I didn’t shred the first letter. I think maybe I’ll keep these and we can look back someday and laugh about me having a crush on you in middle school. Don’t worry. I’ll find a way to get over it before it ruins our friendship.

I honestly don’t see how I’d survive losing you, Jack. So, please, do me a favor and keep being oblivious to how I really feel about you until I digest those butterflies you give me.

Sincerely, Davey

Damn. Reading that was like a punch to the chest and Jack had to take a deep breath before moving on to the next letter.

The next few were just mundane stuff. Little notes on how Jack laughed or interacted with certain friends or whatever. The way he painted each friend something little for the holidays and how they all had a picnic potluck for Thanksgiving.

Then he got to one that was different: January 22nd, 2012. It was written in a panicked, hurried script.

Oh, damn. Jack remembered what this was about. What happened January of 8th grade.

Dear Jack,

Something’s wrong. You’re on my couch right now, crying. I don’t know what’s going on, but you’re trying to put on a brave face for Les and failing miserably. Medda didn’t have time to say much when she dropped you, Crutchie, Race, and Romeo off, so all I really know is that Blink is in the hospital and she’s gonna pick up Mush before going to see him. Crutchie is trying to comfort you, by the way, but he’s crying nearly as much as you are. Race and Ro are in shock, I think. They haven’t said much. Sarah’s making them hot cocoa. I’m in my room, writing this really quick because I don’t know what I can do. You’re so good at comforting people, but I don’t know how. I wish I knew how you did it. I think I’ll go try one of the things I’ve seen you do with panic attacks. It’s got to be better than nothing.

The rest was calmer, clearly written later.

It turns out Blink is in the hospital because his dad put him there. And he wouldn’t be alive at all if he didn’t call Mush in a panic right when he heard him get home. Mush called the cops and they barely got there in time. Blink was already half-dead when they did, but they managed to keep him alive long enough to get an ambulance. God, I don’t want to think about what would’ve happened if they’d been just a little bit slower.

Medda called you a couple hours ago to let us all know that Blink is in bad shape, but he’s gonna be okay. She’s gonna try to file for custody of him, but Mush’s mom is gonna try, too, just to give him twice as much chance of staying with us. His dad is in jail, but you and me agree that he deserves to die for what he did. In the selfie Blink made Mush send the group chat, there was more bandage visible on his face than skin. It made me so damn angry, but I didn’t show it because you were so angry you almost punched a hole in my wall.

I’ve made a decision, Jack. I can’t be separate from the group anymore. I always hang with Kath off to the side where we can intervene as the voices of reason if needed, but I’m not going to do that anymore, because I. can. not. do this again. I want our friends to trust me like they trust you so maybe if one of them is in a house with a dad that would beat them within an inch of their life, they’ll tell me and I can get them out.

I guess that means I’ll have to get better at lying. I’ve been staying separate mostly to hide my crush. And I think I’m pretty good at that, but being right at the center of things, with you? I’ll have to be careful to make sure no one notices. Especially not you. I hope I can pull it off.

You definitely aren’t making it easy on me, are you? You’re passed out in my bed, for heaven’s sake. But it’s fine. This is fine. I’m fine.

Sincerely, Davey

Jack remembered that night as one of the worst of his life. He’d thought Blink was dead by how Mush sounded when he called. And even though it turned out he wasn’t, he was going to be okay even if he lost an eye, after Jack’s childhood, he’d always hated when he couldn’t protect the people he loved.

Davey had been the one to reach him in that bad place he fell back to, the one where people he loved, kids he considered his little brothers, were getting hurt. Davey had pulled him out of there, and though it would take Jack months to realize it, that was the day he started to fall in love with him.

The next Monday, though, Jack had tried to give him space. Knowing how intimidating it all had to seem, he wasn’t sure if Davey would bail on them.

But he didn’t. Jack had never stopped appreciating how Davey had seen the darkness under the innocent, normal friendship and stayed anyway.

The next few letters were mostly a lot of pining on Davey’s side as he struggled to integrate himself more deeply into the group.

Jack still remembered that shift, how once Davey earned the others’ trust, Jack had gone from being the only one everyone was relying on to half of a pair that a lot of their friends had jokingly called ‘mom and dad.’

It was kind of sad, knowing that for most of them, Jack and Davey gave them more love and attention than their actual parents did, but the two of them would have to do—and they had. For a long time, the two of them were an unstoppable duo of hugs and snacks and homework help.

The letter from June 15th, 2012, had weird spots on it, almost like... almost like tear-marks. It was shorter than the previous ones.

Dear Jack,

Saz just came bouncing into my room to announce that she’s going with you to the Eighth Grade Dance.

I don’t know why I’m sad about it. I knew you and me would never be a thing.

But it still hurts, Jackie. It hurts so much.

I’m going with the rest of the group, just as friends. No one has dates except you, and I think maybe Romeo.

Jack knew for a fact that Blink and Mush had gone together because he remembered accidentally walking in on their first kiss, but apparently, Davey hadn’t known that.

Les is knocking on my door, so I’m gonna have to drop my math textbook on the floor really loudly so I can tell him I’m crying because I fell.

Sincerely, Davey

There wasn’t another letter until 4 months later, Octobe 16th, 2012.

Dear Jack,

So. Something weird just happened. Saz just came into my room and said she’s not going with you to Homecoming because you’re going with Kath. I tried to comfort her, but she didn’t seem sad about it?

She asked me if I wanted to go with anyone and seemed surprised I said I didn’t. (Not like I’m telling her a part of me wishes I could go with you.) Then she mentioned that Blink and Mush are going together, and I don’t see why she cares because if you don’t have a date why not go with a friend, right? Why do girls have to be so confusing?

Sincerely, Davey

Oh. Oh, God.

By the beginning of freshman year, Blink and Mush hadn’t been the only gay couple in their friend group.

Albert and Finch had gotten together over the summer, and so had Smalls and Sniper.

Romeo and Specs were in the ‘flirting terribly’ phase, and though Jack didn’t know it at the time, Race was already sneaking around with Spot by that point.

Ike had asked Hotshot to that Homecoming, though they wouldn’t officially become boyfriends until almost a year later, Buttons and Elmer became official at that dance, and Jojo and Mike had that falling out because of misread signals towards the end of it.

Hell, Jack only went to that dance with Kath because she couldn’t let her parents know she was actually going with Saz.

Homecoming freshman year was... eventful, to say the least.

And Davey had known exactly none of this. That... explained a lot.

Being only freshmen, none of the couples were exactly casual in their relationships. They didn’t kiss in front of people, and a few were too embarrassed to so much as sit next to each other at lunch. With the ones who weren’t embarrassed, it still honestly wasn’t much more than the affection they all already showed among friends.

God, if Jack had known how scared Davey was to come out, as he said in the next few letters, he would have... what? Told him he loved him right then and there? Probably not, but he would have done something differently.

The next really significant letter was dated December 11th 12th, 2012.

Dear Jack,

I have no idea what to think.

I’m in the bathroom right now, and it’s just after midnight on 12/12/12. You and your brothers threw a party in case the world ended with the whole friend group. It was kind of like a New Year’s party, but with a lot more cynical talk about the coming apocalypse and bet placing on what said apocalypse would be. Towards the end, we all got caught up in the drama and sleep-deprivation and started giving speeches about how much we loved each other. It was cringy, but in a good way? I’m sure we’ll laugh about it someday.

Or maybe we won’t. Because I have no idea what to think anymore.

Oh, shit. This was the part Jack was kind of dreading reading.

I’ve been terrified to come out because I thought I’d get kicked out of the group if you guys knew I was gay.

Which was why it was such a shock when the countdown to midnight ended and half my friends kissed friends of the same gender.

Jack remembered yelling at them to break it up. He’d been so busy being exasperated with his kids that he hadn’t even noticed Davey had slipped away until Crutchie pointed it out.

It was quick, so I don’t think I could name all the pairs if I tried, but I definitely saw Sarah kiss Kath, which, honestly, explains a lot.

I can’t help but wonder... Why didn’t anyone tell me? How long has this been going on? Has it been since the beginning and I was just too oblivious to see it?

Oh my God. Now that I’m looking for it, I can’t stop seeing it. The way Blink is defensive and angry all the time and he’s soft for Mush. The way Sarah hates spending time on her hair and she’ll sit for hours letting Kath try out styles on her. The way Buttons and Elmer just do little things for each other every day. None of them are subtle and I am an idiot.

Jack had to laugh at that.

Does this mean I should come out, too? I know now no one would judge me for it, but... I don’t want to mess things up. I love our friends, and I don’t want to lose them. If I lost them, now, it would be because I like you, specifically. Would you be disgusted with me if I told you?

“No,” Jack whispered, before remembering that this was 14-year-old Davey, and he wasn’t here.

I like to think you wouldn’t be, but I can’t risk it. If I lose you, I lose all of them. And if I have doubts about if I could live through losing you, I definitely can’t survive losing everyone. I love them all so much. I love you.

Jack sucked in a breath. As far as he knew, this was the first time Davey had ever said anywhere that he loved Jack.

But I can’t tell you that. So if I come out, it definitely won’t be by saying who I like.

Love, Davey

Jack totally wasn’t crying as he reached for the next letter. It was just current events, random stuff. There were certainly a lot of letters, weren’t there? Davey had documented everything, from Jack attempting to teach him to draw, to the time they both auditioned for the school play, to that time they had to talk Jojo off a ledge when he realized he loved Mike. That one was short but bad. (Honestly, Jack still hated Jojo’s super religious parents for that. Fuck Jojo’s parents.)

Davey did come out in a letter from almost six months later, but it wasn’t until Homecoming sophomore year that things started getting really interesting.

Dear Jack,

I honestly might never talk to you again outside these letters. Sarah’s banging on my door telling me to, and I’m quoting her here, “open the fuck up, David Jacobs.” Mom’s yelling back at her to watch her language. They’re now having a screamed bitching match in the hallway.

Long story short, we were at Homecoming and you asked me to dance. My brain kind of short-circuited, but I said yes right as a slow song came on. Shockingly, you didn’t seem to mind, and you danced with me to Photograph by Ed Sheeran.

Oh, God, Jack remembered that song. It had been their song. He still couldn’t listen to it anymore.

You were singing along to it and smiling at me. It was really sweet, and it was kind of my dream, to be honest, and I guess I lost all control of my body for a second because I kissed you during the last chorus and I didn’t stop kissing you until the end of the song.

Jack remembered that like it was yesterday, because it was their first kiss. It was a million perfect colors exploding across Jack’s brain and feelings he could barely identify swirling into a moment more beautiful than any painting he could ever create.

Then a faster song came on and I don’t know if anyone saw, but I really hope they didn’t because if they did that means they saw what happened next. Which is: I ran away. I ran all the way to my car and drove home and locked myself in my room. Sarah came home not 5 minutes later, so I think she knows, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t know how I can face you after this. In hindsight I think you were kissing me back, and if you were that means I just ran out on you and it probably hurt when I did. If not, that’s even worse because I kissed you and you probably just didn’t pull away out of pity.

Holy shit, I think you’re here, now. I can hear you outside my door with Saz, and maybe Kath, too. She’s trying to calm her down, which, honestly, good luck, Kath. Wait. No. Shit. I guess being her girlfriend has its benefits. It’s just you, now. You’re talking really softly, but I can’t understand you through the door. This is why we enunciate, Jackie.

Jack rolled his eyes on reflex.

I’m still pretty scared, but I think I’m gonna open the door. Scratch that, I’m definitely gonna open it. If you yell at me, I’ll probably yell right back. Funny, isn’t it? How I never would have done that before meeting you? If we have a huge fight, remember that you’re the one who taught me not to censor myself. David never would have even opened that door, but Davey is your monster. Good luck. I’ve out-argued you before, Jackie, so you’ll need it.

I should stop stalling and open the damn door.

If you break my heart, Jack Kelly, I’m going to kill you.

Love, Davey

Reading that last sentance, Jack froze.

If you break my heart, Jack Kelly, I’m going to kill you.

Time was a bitch, because by all accounts, they were both broken-hearted, now.

Jack wiped away his tears and realized there was a little bit more writing.

P.S. I guess you get to live, Jackie, because we had a talk and you kissed me again and now we’re together. Like, boyfriends. I can’t stop smiling. It’s stupid. I’m probably not going to sleep tonight and it’s all your fault because my stomach is full of butterflies and I can’t stop thinking about how much I love you.

Jack didn’t let himself process that, going for the next letter instead.

Oh, shit. November 1st, 2013. This was going to be a bad one. Still, Jack took a deep breath and started reading.

Dear Jack,

Well, today was emotionally draining. (Halloween was fun, but what came after definitely is not.) It’s already past midnight, but it’s okay because I’m sleeping over at your house tonight. After Saz and I explained the situation, Mom and Dad agreed we should. God, said situation it makes me so angry.

Katherine’s parents kicked her out. They found out about her and Sarah, made her pack a bag, and tossed her away like she was nothing.

She’s 16. She’s a goddamn child like the rest of us. How could they do that to her? I guess it’s good she’s out of that environment, where she has to hide who she is and walk on eggshells with every conversation, but she’s on your couch right now, crying so hard she can’t even drink the tea Medda made her. Sarah and you are trying to calm her down, but I hate seeing her like this. Kath always seems kind of unshakable, like nothing anyone says will get to her. I’ve never seen her this broken. Judging by the look you’re giving me from across the room, you haven’t, either.

You think I’m making a grocery list. Medda told me to, seeing as how she’s busy helping clean out your guest room, Saz is on ‘shoulder to cry on’ duty, and I’m the only boy who lives with a girl. Kath didn’t get to pack much more than a couple of outfits and her toothbrush.

You know what? Fuck it. You and me are her parents, now. You’re good with that, right? We’re already stand-in Mom and Dad for several of our friends—what’s one more? Ha ha, you and me have so much practice already that we are going to be great parents for real one day.

Jack sucked in a breath. Real parents? As in, the two of them staying together long enough to have kids?

Wow. That is wildly inappropriate to think about when we’re literally a couple of 15-year-olds. Also, it makes me think about how Kath is technically a few months older, but whatever. I guess I should actually make that grocery list, now, and stop daydreaming about a hypothetical future while one of our kids now is sobbing across the room from me.

Love, Davey

Davey had never even told Jack he wanted kids.

Sure, they were both a little young for that, but in the future..? Jack had always been scared that he wouldn’t be a good dad, after never having a good dad, himself, but sophomore year Davey was right. He had gotten a fair amount of practice with his friends.

That night, when Kath showed up at the Larkin house, crying so hysterically the makeup from her Halloween costume was running and saying she didn’t know where else to go, Davey was the first person Jack called. Him and Sarah had shown up not fifteen minutes later, probably having been lucky not to pick up a speeding ticket (or you know, gotten arrested for underage driving without an adult) on the way.

15-year-old Davey was right. That night was the most broken Jack had ever seen Katherine. Even if it had worked out okay in the end, with Kath staying with them and being their new sister in every way but on paper, Jack still kind of wanted to throat-punch her parents.

It was... oddly comforting, to know that Davey felt the same. He hadn’t shown it back then, knowing Kath needed him calm, but... to be honest, Jack would have feared an angry Davey Jacobs more than an angry Jack Kelly. You’d get punched by an angry Jack, but an angry Davey? He was smart enough to burn down your world. Jack smirked, thinking about how lucky the Pulitzers were that Davey possessed impulse control.

Most of the rest of the letters were just Davey talking about their relationship as it evolved or recounting whatever drama happened to be going on, (with one in the middle of junior year that was basically just ‘wtf Race is secretly dating Spot Conlon???’) because as the only group of out gays in the school, a few of whom happened to be in not-so-good homes, there was always drama.

Then came the stress of senior year, SATs, and college applications. Davey and Jack had a few fights, which were all well documented here. 17-year-old Jack and Davey hadn’t known that those fights were the beginning of the end.

The letter dated June 5th, 2016 was the one that finally made Jack cry for real .

Dear Jack,

We’re fighting again. We have before, but this time, it’s actually serious.

I get that you’re going to school in Santa Fe and I’m staying in New York. What—did you expect me to follow you all the way across the country? I’m not asking you to stay, because that wouldn’t be fair of me. You’ve got dreams and a scholarship to an art school and that is great. I’m happy for you. But I’m not going with you, because why would I? I’ve got dreams, too. Did you think I would put my life on hold for you?

We can’t stay kids forever, Jackie. Growing up means things change. I thought you knew that. Our friends are spreading out across the country and most of the couples aren’t going to be in the same state. Hell, Specs is going to Harvard in Massachusetts and Romeo is moving to Hollywood to go try his luck and they’re not having problems. If your own brother can do the long-distance thing, why can’t you?

I’m scared, too. I don’t want to lose you, either. I know doing a long-distance thing won’t be easy, but when was the last time either of us gave up just because it was hard? Jackie, if I wanted something easy, I would have bailed after we almost lost Blink. My love for you aside, I didn’t because that’s. not. me. I fight for what I love. And I know you do, too, so... so fight for me. I need to know you love me enough to fight for me, Jackie.

I know you. When you want something—really want it, there is not a force in this world that can stop you from fighting for it. I love you, Jack Kelly. I’m not going to stop fighting for you, so please don’t stop fighting for me.

Love, Davey

Jack choked on a sob. He’d failed. Davey had asked him to fight for him and he failed.

Sure, he hadn’t known that Davey wanted him to fight for him, but... God, if he had...

Jack would have fought, would have walked through hell, would have done anything to keep Davey by his side.

He still loved Davey, no matter what he’d been telling himself since the breakup, and... And he needed to read the rest of these letters. Even if Davey started hating him when the fighting got really bad or wrote about what he was feeling during it.

Shit. There weren’t that many more. The remaining letters were spread out somewhere between high school graduation and when Jack and Davey broke up; a year and a half ago, and... and those would probably be the hardest ones to read

Jack waited a bit until the tears had stopped before opening the one from November 20th, 2016.

Dear Jack,

I haven’t wrote one of these in a while. College has been a bitch, but also...

You and me barely talk anymore. We text each other memes about once a week, (don’t worry. you still know exactly how to make me laugh with those dumb little shitposts.) but we don’t really talk. I can’t remember the last time we FaceTimed. I miss you, but I don’t know how to say it anymore.

I’m thinking about this because it’s Thanksgiving break. Of course, it’s good to see everyone. Kath got home this morning. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed her. Elmer texted me a couple minutes ago that he’s an hour away. Of course that dumbass is driving all the way from Michigan. I’m sure we’ll both have more than enough words for him when you get back because you’re flying in tonight.

I don’t know how I feel about that. I should be excited, but... I don’t think I’ve been this nervous about anything involving you since I ran away after our first kiss. I think I preferred it last year, when we were fighting, because even when we were pissed at each other, at least we were communicating.

You remember when we were kids and you always knew exactly what to say exactly when someone needed to hear it? How you helped calm down Kath when she got kicked out, talked Jojo off a roof, and convinced Spot to tell Race he loved him? It was amazing. I never quite mastered that. I usually know what to do, just never how to voice it. But this time, I don’t even know what to do. We’re not on the same page anymore. I don’t think we’re even in the same book.

Jack took a shaky breath. He and Davey hadn’t been on the same page. And Jack definitely hadn’t known what to say to him, either. They weren’t the unstoppable duo they’d been in high school.

But... damn. Those things Davey had mentioned him doing? He couldn’t have done those alone. For all of those, he had needed Davey there, helping him. Maybe that was why it was so hard, being there for anyone since the breakup.

I hate how five years of being an unstoppable duo can be undone in only four months, and it wasn’t even by fighting. If it was a fight, we could solve it, you and me vs. the problem. But there’s no fight, no problem. It’s just you and me and the growing chasm between us.

You know what? It’s probably just the distance messing with us. We’ll be fine. We just need some time together. Thanksgiving will be good for us. And I’m flying out to Santa Fe for the winter holidays to spend it with you, so that’ll be good, too.

I’m gonna text you right now. Your flight probably won’t be leaving for another hour or so, so we can talk. Get back in rhythm.

I still don’t know what to say. I guess I’ll just ask about how hot Santa Fe is in winter and we can go from there. Here’s hoping this makes things get less awkward.

Love, Davey

Jack remembered that text conversation with Davey in the airport. He remembered how much hope it had given him, and how after Jack went back to Santa Fe when the holiday was over, how much better Davey and him had been. That Christmas/Hanukkah had been great, especially considering most of Jack’s classmates were at home and they’d had the dorm to themselves.

Of course their friends and families had known that was why Jack didn’t come home that year, and he distinctly remembered getting texts from all three of his brothers on Christmas morning asking if Davey was good in bed, but that was besides the point.

The next several letters were from their second wind, the rest of the school year. And yeah, they were hard to read, but they brought back happy memories. Even only seeing each other over breaks and computer screens, it seemed that Davey was happy, too. For a while, it had seemed that Jack could have his dreams of art school in Santa Fe and the love of his life.

Then, of course, during that summer of staying together at whichever house more often than not, they started fighting again. Over nothing. Over stupid things. Over who loaded the dishwasher wrong and who said he was going to pick Les up from his friend’s house.

Then they started fighting over big things. Over harsh words Jack never meant and judging by these letters, Davey didn’t meant, either.

August 2nd, 2017:

Dear Jack,

I fucked up. We just had a big fight, I said a bunch of things I didn’t mean, and like an idiot, I let you leave for the airport without apologizing. Now, you’re acting like your phone is already on airplane mode even though I know for a fact your flight doesn’t leave for another hour. Also, I can see that you’ve read all of my texts, you moron, so I know you’re just ignoring me.

Aw, hell, I don’t even blame you. I said some really bad things. I said you love your art more than me, and I know that’s not true. I know you’d never prioritize material things over the people you love, because Jackie, you prioritize those people who have earned your loyalty over everything, including your own mental and physical health. I know because it annoys the hell out of me, how you never give yourself a break. They’re all adults now, Jackie. They don’t need us as much anymore and you never stop acting like they do.

I shouldn’t be angry with you for that. I know with your childhood, trying to protect Crutchie, Race, and Romeo and sometimes failing, you still feel like you have to save everyone. It’s how you’re wired and I love that about you. I wouldn’t change it if I could. I just wish you’d stop running yourself into the ground to do it.

Is this it? I already feel like we’re on borrowed time, here. Sarah says she thought we were going to break up last year. Kath says she’s sure it’s not that bad. (they’re talking about it very loudly in the hallway. or maybe they’re arguing. who knows?) Les just said that my mom said nobody marries their high school sweetheart. (thanks, Mom.)

I think even if we never said it, that’s what we were both hoping for. I know you, Jackie. I’ve watched your favorite romcoms and Disney movies. I know you want the perfect fairytale relationship with the whole package of ‘and they get married and have kids and live happily ever after.’ And I want that, too. I really wanted it with you. Ugh! I still want it with you! I can’t imagine any alternate universe where I don’t want that with you!

It’s probably inappropriate to think about all that. We’re nineteen. We’re not even old enough to drink yet and we’re definitely too young for me to be thinking about marrying you.

Jack inhaled sharply. Oh, God. He was going to cry again.

But for the record... I do want to. I want everything with you and I cannot imagine any circumstance, any extreme, any bad breakup where I stop wanting that.

Just to be safe, though, in case something I can’t foresee happens and I never say it again...

I love you, Jack Kelly. I have loved you from the first day I met you and I can’t see anything happening in any version of reality that makes me stop loving you. You’re still like the living personification of the moon to me and no matter how much you piss me off, Jackie, your glow doesn’t fade. You shined a light on the parts of me afraid of judgement and taught me to shine, too, despite them.

I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you and I probably never will. I just need you to know that.

Love, Davey

Jack was already crying, but he panicked as he realized there was only two more letters.

A part of him wanted to wait. These were words Davey hadn’t spoken to him. These were the last pieces of Davey that were still Jack’s.

But he needed to know. Were these letters from before they actually broke up? After? Had Davey been wrong in the previous letter and he’d stoped loving Jack?

There were no dates on the envelopes. Still, Jack had to know. He took a deep breath and opened the second-to-last one, the paper covered in old, dried tear marks.

Dear Jack,

We had another stupid fight and we tried to fix it but that just ended in more yelling. That’s happened a few times before, now, but this time, it was different.

Oh, no. This must be from the big one Spring Break of their sophomore year of college.

Jack had come home for the break, it had been great to see his friends, but then he and Davey had started fighting. Like, really fighting. Worse than they ever had before.

And then there was the big one. It was two days before Jack flew back to Santa Fe. It was the one where they actually broke up.

This time, you told me to leave. And I kind of yelled at you to just go back to Santa Fe as you shoved me out the door. Then you yelled that if I wanted you to fly away so badly, I shouldn’t bother visiting again and you slammed the door in my face.

I think we just broke up. I’d be angry about it if I wasn’t so damn sad.

God, this is messed up. I know you’re alone on your bed with those stupid Star Wars sheets you’ve had since you were twelve and you locked the door because you don’t want anyone to see you cry. Thinking about that makes me want to run right back there and say I’m sorry.

I wanted to do that the second I got back to my parents’ house, but they convinced me not to. Sarah yelled at them for it. She said I had to make my own decision. They said I’m too emotional to think clearly. They’re right, of course, which is why I’m here writing this and not on my way back to your mom’s house already.

Now, Les is the only one outside my door. Are Crutchie, Race, Romeo, or Kath outside yours? Les is trying to guilt me into opening the door by telling me he cancelled a date for me. I’m not weirded out at all by the fact that my baby brother has way more game than I did when I was fourteen.

Are we really done, Jackie? For good? I keep waiting to hear you out in the hallway. And probably Kath, because she’s a better driver than you. I can’t keep thinking about this. I’m just gonna to go to sleep.

Davey

Jack wiped his eyes furiously. There was one more letter and he needed to read it, consequences be damned.

This last letter was probably from when Davey cooled down. Maybe the next morning or something. If he didn’t hate Jack while he was emotional and raw from the initial breakup, he might in this letter. But Jack opened it, anyway.

My Dearest Jack,

We really are broken up. You haven’t called me, but I got a very angry text-rant from Crutchie (for which he apologized 10 minutes later) which basically boiled down to him saying I broke your heart. Romeo called me, said ‘dude, not cool,’ then hung up. Race and Medda seem to be trying to see both sides, and though Kath did tell me that the last few months have been like ‘listening to mom and dad fight downstairs,’ she’s not offering any advice. I think she and Sarah are waiting for me to come to them.

I’m so sorry, Jackie. I know this is mostly my fault. Still, I can’t make the first move. Don’t forget: I know you. You’re more concerned with other people’s feelings than yours, so if I ask you to take me back and you do it, I can’t be sure you didn’t just do it for me. If we ever get back together, it has to be because you want it, too. However, I know you won’t even consider we could get back together unless I give you a sign, which is why I’m leaving you my letters.

You went back to Santa Fe two weeks ago and I’m finally stable enough to come get my stuff from your house and drop off what little you left in my room. While I’m there, I’m gonna hide this somewhere. I guess we’ll both have to pray no one else in your family finds it. That would be awkward.

When you find this, I want you to think long and hard about what you want, Jackie. I want you to make a decision for you. Goddammit, think about yourself first for once.

If you fight for me, I want you to do it because it’s what you really want. That fairytale romcom ending with me is still yours if you play your cards right. (Don’t think I forgot all the hurtful things you said to me, even if I’m 70% sure you didn’t mean them.) It might take... I dunno, therapy or something, but I still think we can fix this. It won’t be easy, but neither is love. Neither is our entire messed-up, broken group of friends.

I used to think I’d lose all of them if I lost you. Maybe I would have, if I’d messed up like this in 8th grade. But now, I know I won’t, because they’re all blowing up my phone as much as I’m sure they’re blowing up yours, asking if I’m okay. I see now that they need me as much as I need them. And they still need you, too, even if you do need to accept a little more that we’re all grown-ups now.

Where was I going with this? I had a point.

I guess all there’s left to say is that if you still want that perfect ending with me—getting married and having kids and having them call all our friends ‘auntie’ and ‘uncle’—fight for it. Loving someone the way I’m in love with you doesn’t happen twice, so I’m not going anywhere. You know where to find me.

You probably won’t find this for a while. Hell, you’re not even coming home again until summer break. But that’s probably a good thing. It gives us both some time to cool off and think.

So think, Jackie. Think long and hard and make a choice. Fight for me or don’t. In case I never get a chance to say it in person again...

I love you, Jack Kelly.

Love, Davey

Oh shit.

Davey left this in Jack’s closet a year and a half ago. He’d probably expected Jack to find it that summer. In fact, he probably thought Jack had found it and just decided not to fight for him.

Jack still wanted to fight for him. He had no doubts about that.

But did his have to discover this box now? When he was leaving for Santa Fe to finish his senior year tomorrow?

Fuck it. Even if it had been almost two years, even if there was a high chance Davey wasn’t waiting for him anymore, he still had to do this

Driving to the Jacobs house right then and there was probably the stupidest thing Jack had ever done, and that was including riding that Walmart shopping cart Albert stole down a hill in 8th grade with Race, Romeo, and Albert when Davey, Kath, and Specs weren’t there to stop them.

Sarah was the one who opened the door, and she... Jack hadn’t talked to Saz since the breakup, since she’d been staying mad at him out of solidarity. Honestly, he was now realizing that he’d missed her nearly as much as he’d missed Davey. They’d been good friends, once upon a time.

Now, she glared at him, “The fuck are you doing here, Kelly?”

“I...” Jack honestly couldn’t think of a good way to explain this, “Is he home?”

Sarah snorted, “What? After a year and a half, you’ve finally come to your senses and realized you’ll never find another one like my brother?”

“I never planned on anyone like him in the first place,” Jack snapped, “Davey was always... even back in middle school... You think I’d ever believe I could find someone else like that? I’m dumb, Saz, but I ain’t stupid. I always knew I was givin’ up on forever when I didn’t try to get him back, but... but I thought he didn’t want me anymore.”

Sarah froze, then leaned against the doorframe, laughing kind of hopelessly, “You are stupid, Jack Kelly, if you think my brother wasn’t totally gone for you and totally broken-hearted when you didn’t try to fight for him.”

Jack definitely had an oh shit moment, “Wait, do you know? About the..?”

“The box of letters he left you? Yeah. He told me last year, after you left for junior year without coming for him.”

Jack took the last letter out of his pocket, “I just found it.”

Saz took a second to process that before motioning for Jack to come in, shouting up the stairs, “Davey! Get your butt down here!”

Les, sitting at the kitchen table, looked up from his sandwich, “Holy shit. Jack?”

“Hi, kid,” Jack said, trying not to be weirded out by how the now-16-year-old was taller than him.

“Davey?” Sarah yelled again, clearly impatient.

“Alright, alright! God, Saz, what couldn’t wait 10 se—“ That was when Davey looked up, seeing Jack in his kitchen.

“That couldn’t wait,” Sarah said pointedly, “Les, let’s go... not be here.”

“If I eat in my room, Mom’ll kill me,” Les said, picking up his sandwich, anyway.

“Eat in my room, then.”

Jack and Davey were silent until the other two Jacobs siblings were upstairs.

“Why are you here, Jack?”

Jack had to take a deep breath before he responded, “When was the last time you went somewhere besides school if somebody didn’t drag you out of the house?”

“What?”

“Do the people who love you say you’ve changed? Do they keep saying they need a designated driver only to try to get you drinking and dancing like it’ll make you smile?”

“What are you—“

“Are there songs you can’t listen to? Movies you can’t watch? Have you so much as called someone back when they gave you their number?”

“Jack,” Davey looked at the ceiling, “What’s this about?”

“You once said you wouldn’t put your life on hold for me,” Jack said, “And you were right not to. I can be overprotective, sometimes. No one should put their dreams on hold because of a lover, but... my dreams are the only thing I haven’t put on hold, Dave. I ain’t been living since I lost you. Not really. And when our friends all said I was smilin’ less, I never let myself think about it, because if I did, I’d have to think about how much I was still hurtin’ over you.”

Davey laughed sady, “Jack, if you really wanted me, you would have fought for me a long time ago, so—“

“You’re talkin’ about the letters?” Jack asked, holding up the one he had on him, “Davey... I just found them. Today.”

Davey was silent, his face completely unreadable. Jack was holding his breath.

“Jack Kelly,” he finally smiled, “I should have known you would take this long to clean out your damn closet.”

“I think you spent enough time in the closet for the both of us.” Jack joked.

Davey rolled his eyes, “Very funny, Jackie. Anyway... I don’t think it’s any secret that we can’t just pick up where we left off.”

“Of course not.”

“So... coffee? If we’re trying again, I’d prefer to take things slow.”

Jack nodded, “Probably a good thing I’m going back to Santa Fe after tomorrow. That ain’t enough time for us to do something we’ll regret.”

“Yeah, I guess mostly just texting is one way to take it slow... speaking of which, one of us should probably text the group chat.”

“Oh yeah,” Jack grinned, “They’re gonna freak.”

[sierracolorstheworldofwords]

Yandereplier x anxious reader

An: Idk if anyone is going to read this but if you do and somehow like it HIT that reblog button babey! And also hit me up with a request if u want. Anyway, this was a request from Wattpad, and I have more one shots on there! The name of said wattpad is in my bio! :3 ALSO TRIGGER WARNING: Reader has an anxiety attack! So if that triggers you or anything please skip this! And read some of my other fics bc yes I’m plugging!

It all started with that nightmare.

Yan and you sat underneath a cherry tree in full bloom, each pink petal a promise, each soft flower a gentle declaration of love.

The sky was a beautiful island blue, and the clouds looked like they were painted onto the sky, just for you. You could see patches of them through the dark, curved branches of the tree, and feel the warm sun, sweet like honey, shining on your face.

Everything was.. perfect. You wished you could stop time forever, make this moment into a crystal bubble, preserve it in a snow globe forever.

"I have to tell you something." Yan said suddenly, fingers unwrapping from yours.

You turned towards him, taking in his gentle eyes— a beautiful brown that in the right light, looked red.

"Yeah?" You whispered softly, a love struck smile on your face.

He looked away from you, up at the sky, cracking his knuckles, "You know how I said I'd love you forever?"

"Of course! You tell me everyday—"

He took a deep breath, "That's changed. I found someone else."

You sat up suddenly, looking down at him in confusion, heart pounding fiercely in your chest, "Wh-what? Yan.. Yan that's not funny—"

"It's not a joke, senpai— wait, I can't call you that, anymore, because you're not my senpai. I can't believe I even dated you! You were just trying to waste my time and keep me away from my real senpai!"

"Wh-what?! No!"

"You're so stupid and worthless, all you do is whine and I honestly can't believe I even loved you!"

A pair of legs appeared in front of Yan, a faceless figure standing in front of him. The opposite of you, everything you couldn't be... smart, witty, attractive, actually deserving of Yan's love. You watched Yan sit up, a smile on his face— a smile that used to belong to you and you alone.

"Senpai!"

He got up, hugged the mysterious person, and grabbed their hand, "Let's leave this freak! I missed you so much!" He cooed, leaning on their shoulder, completely love struck.

"Y-Yan! Wait!" You stood up, wanting to chase him, but you couldn't. You were stuck, as if your legs had been welded to the ground below you.

"See senpai? I'm so dedicated to you. I broke their heart to prove how much I love you— do you want me to break their bones too, senpai?"

The world stopped. Everything froze like an icy tundra. You fell to your knees, looking at them going further and further away, seeing Yan going further and further away.

Your heart felt like it'd been pulled out of your chest and beaten with a baseball bat full of nails. All you could do was watch Yan leave, seeing his red hair fade away. You sobbed as your everything—the only person you truly trusted left, laughing wickedly, not even caring about how you felt, not even caring.. not caring at all.

"Yan!" You screamed.

You stood up. Legs finally moving.

Maybe you could convince him! You loved him! You could convince him! You— you loved him!

"Come back!"

You began to run, legs finally working, you desperately reached for him, the world a blurry mess of tears, "YAN! COME BACK! PLEASE—"

But he didn't.

He disappeared. Didn't look back. kept going. Leaving you like an old doll he'd gotten bored of, finding a new toy instead.

You alone. Again.

With no one to turn to. Again.

Nobody to care for. Again.

Nobody caring about you. Again.

Alone. Again.

Blackness crawling into your chest again, loneliness nesting inside of your rib cage, cocooning itself inside you. Again. Again. Again.

Alone.

Again.

You woke up with a soft whimper, heart pounding in your chest as you felt warm tears falling down your cheeks. You closed your eyes, crying softly and hugging your pillow.

Maybe you should call Yan.

He'd be more than happy to comfort you! You sat up, grabbed your phone of the charger, and noticed the time— School was in hour. You sighed. He probably wouldn't even be awake now.

You lay down back down, wondering if you should text Yan.. everything that happened in your head kept ringing over and over again, especially what Yan said. You knew it was a nightmare, but it felt so real. Like it did actually happen.. like.. like it was going to happen. Could Yan ever.. ever find someone else? Someone who was better than you? He probably could, right? Then.. then he'd leave you all alone..

Your stomach curled into a tight, knot, and you felt the familiar fear run like a spiked metal wire in your veins, causing your heart to pound harder. What if it was all gonna happen? Not today or tomorrow, but.. someday? He could easily find someone else. He was so amazing and you.. you weren't.

Yan always said he loved you but.. but.. did he really? You were an anxious mess with too much emotional baggage, and sure, he had his problems, being possessive and clingy but.. but he didn't have the type of background you had. It just didn't make sense why he would choose you of all people. Your anxiety  just made the thought worse, dangling it above your head and maliciously smirking.

You closed your eyes, listening to the voice in your head telling you that Yan was going to leave you, and that you might as well get ready for it. Prepare for the inevitable. Did you really think he would actually wanna stay with you? Really? Really? Look at yourself, you're crying over a stupid bad dream, almost always insecure and almost as clingy as Yan. You were surprised he didn't find the constant need of reassurance from him annoying yet.

You wiped your tears and turned your phone  back on and opened  up your messages, reading a few from Yan—

Omg Senpai! I just saw the cutest person today! You'll never guess who!

....It was you! Love you! <3

A smile crossed your features and you wiped your eyes, of course he loved you. Of course he did. You scrolled up and read another one.

Senpai I can't wait for you to come over this weekend! :3 I'm so excited~! We're gonna watch so much anime and cuddle so much! :D I love cuddling with you, you're perfect cuddle size. uwu

Your cheeks flushed a little, and the voice in your head snickered. You really think he loves you? It asked, swirling in your head like a snake of smoke, all those cheesy messages don't mean shit. Maybe he does love you now, maybe— but don't you think he'll get tired of you?

You frowned, arguing with it. Wondering why Yan would say those things if he didn't mean them. Of course he meant them! You knew he did. He wasn't the type to lie about loving someone. That just wasn't Yan at all!

But how do you know? And maybe he does mean them.. or maybe he did mean them, but he doesn't mean them anymore because you were so annoying and he was just saying all those things to get you to shut up. The voice filled your head, burning up all the messages with questions of why, and how and really? What if it was all a lie? What if he used to like you and now he didn't— You slammed your eyes shut. Covering them with your hands as you gritted your teeth, asking yourself if you really were gonna cry over something so stupid?

How could Yan even love you when you were like this?

Your alarm rang and you gasped, sitting up, remembering you had to pack— today was Friday, you were supposed to go over to Yan's house for the weekend. Would you be annoying? Maybe you should cancel? Say.. say you couldn't come over? But.. he got everything prepared and— you sighed softly, rummaging through your drawer and stuffing clothes into your backpack.

Your phone buzzed, you looked at it before picking it up from your bed, turning it on and opening it. Reading  the message from Yan—

Good morning Senpai! It's Friday and I'm so excited!! Don't forget to pack! :3 Also love you and have a good day! I'll see you soon! Love you! Ok bye

A small smile bloomed on your lips, and you texted back, hearing that small seed of doubt as you did. You ignored it, sending a message that read— Morning Yan-Yan! Can't wait to see you and stay over, and don't worry, I packed up. Love you too and see you soon~

You placed it back on your bed and fixed up your hair before brushing up your teeth and getting dressed, making sure to grab your phone and headphones before you did. Then you went to school.

When you arrived, you met Yan in the cafeteria, he brought breakfast for you, which was an unexpected surprise, and all he asked in return was a kiss. (Which you found adorable, and of course you gave him one.)

The two of you ate outside, watching the sun rise as you talked. You wondered if you should tell him about your nightmare, but you didn't want to ruin his happy mood, or be annoying. Before you knew it, your first class started and Yan walked you to class, giving you a kiss and a hug before running to his class.

The rest of the day.. was.. a day.

Your anxiety kept piling up, and then just found more reasons for Yan to hate you—

looks, grades, the way you speak, how you talk too much, your smile, your eyes, the way you walked, the clothes you wore.. everything.

By the time the day was over, thoughts swirled in your head like a tornado, and when you went to meet him by your locker, it took everything in you to not cry and panic. Your stomach hurt and your heart pounded as your brain kept saying— he's gonna leave. Not be here. You'll be all alone. He won't miss you. He doesn't need you. Can't you be better?

You leaned against your locker, head swirling as your chest felt like it was being wrapped up in a giant fist. Your lungs constricted. Your heart pounded. Palms sweated. Throat dry. The world blurring, people becoming slashed of color, the school becoming nothing but a blur that felt.. that felt like distant waves at sea. Real, recognizable, but not entirely there, dreamlike in a sickening way.

"Senpai?"

Yan.

Your eyes snapped up, focusing on him, the world a buzz of noise. You were so stupid! You just had to go and panic, didn't you? Ruin everything like some sick disease—

"Are you okay?" He asked softly.

You couldn't breathe.

He should've been yelling at you! Scolding you! Punishing you! Giving you a reason to cry! A reason to be scared so why, why was he being so nice?

Air rushed in and out your throat as you tried to speak, words replaced with shallow harsh breaths. You placed a hand on your chest, heart pounding loudly in your ears.

Softly, Yan grabbed your hand, holding you close as everything crashed— crashed, crashed like a boat in the middle of a fearful storm, crashed like a frantic car speeding down the high way and off a cliff, crashed.

Yan pushed people out the way, practically slamming the school doors open before picking you up and cradling you like the gentle cargo you were. Fishing the keys out of his skirt pocket, he clicked the button, unlocked his red Cadillac, before opening the back seat door and placing you there, climbing in next to you and closing the door shut.

You looked at him, the eye of the storm, the patch of sky in the middle of the tornado and—

"Don't leave me Yan!" You sobbed, clinging on to him desperately, hands digging into the soft fabric of his white shirt and you cried.

"Leave you Senpai? Why would I leave?"

You couldn't even answer back, your breathing was too rapid, too much, your nerves felt like they were on fire, and the world wasn't real— or was it real and you weren't? Or was none of it real and you were just floating? And scared? And alone? And—

"Senpai." Yan whispered, his voice a soft breeze, "I'd never leave you, senpai. Never."

You only responded with a gasping sob, throat feeling like it'd been scratched over a thousand times.

Yan placed a hand under your quivering chin, lifting your face turning your face towards him.

"Breathe senpai, breathe— slowly." He murmured, scooting closer and using his other hand to stroke your cheek, "breathe.. breathe.."

You closed your eyes, taking a shaky breath, feeling your lungs expand like blooming pink flowers.

"That's right Senpai, just breathe for me, okay?"

You nodded, swallowing back tears and feeling him shift and wrap his arms around you loosely.

"Breathe out.."

You let out a deep breath.

"Breathe in."

You breathed in through your nostrils, feeling the air travel down your throat as you calmed down and wiped your tears away.

"Better?"

You nodded.

He wrapped his arms tight around you, kissing your forehead, "I'll never leave you Senpai."

You snuggled into his chest, saying nothing.

"I mean it. No matter what that mean voice in your head—who I really need to beat up by the way— says. I love you Senpai. You and only you."

You looked at him, eyes big and wide, vulnerable, begging him to reassure you like always. He practically read your thoughts.

"I mean it Senpai," he whispered, "I really do—

And I don't care how many times I have to tell you, because I want you to believe it, so if I have to say it a hundred or a thousand times then I'll say it. Because I love you."

You gave him a watery smile, warm tears pricking the corners of your eyes, "I love you too Yan-Yan."

He smiled, kissing your forehead, before tucking your head underneath his neck and softly rubbing your back.

“I love you so, so much Senpai," he whispered, "I'd do anything for you, and I mean anything."

Your heart pounded like always when he said those type of things— his words were so reassuring.. you snuggled into his chest, wrapping your arms around him.

"I love you so much— I'm.. im surprised you haven't left me yet, senpai..."

You gasped, pulling away momentarily, "Oh Yan! I'd never leave! I love you too much!"

The yandere smiled, grabbing your hands in his, "That's exactly how I feel Senpai.."

You smiled softly, wiping the last of your tears before hugging him again. The two of you cuddled for a while before you let out a yawn, exhausted from your anxiety filled day.

“Let's go home, senpai! Then we can take a nap!"

You nodded and agreed, crawling into the front seat, Yan followed and started up his car, clearly excited. His cheeks flushed and a smile crossed his face— causing your stomach to flutter like always. Yan didn't even know how beautiful he was, sometimes.. nor did he know how cute he could be. His hand rested on the gear shift between you, while the other one held the wheel as he backed out of the school, once he was onto the road, you grabbed his hand.

"Yan?"

"Yes senpai?"

"Y-you know how you have nightmares?"

"Yeah."

"I had one this morning.." you said softly, sadly, "and it was about you leaving.. and I just thought I should tell you.."

Yan stopped at a red light and looked at you as you continued, "I-it was about you leaving me and finding someone else.."

"Senpai.. I'd never, ever do that. There's no one else as wonderful and amazing and— and ahhh senpai! There's so many things about you that I love.. and I know you're scared of me leaving, but I promise I won't, okay?"

You nodded, biting your lip.

"I really do mean it, senpai. I love you so much. I— before I met you.. I.. I didn't feel anything at all, and I'd always have to pretend to be happy.. b-but.. when you came into my life.. I felt.. I felt so.. happy—" tears welled up in his eyes, and he turned towards the stoplight, realizing it was green with a nervous laugh, "I'm such a baby— the lights green!"

He pushed the break with his foot and continued driving to his house. You couldn't help but feel your heart pound, not out of fear.. but out of pure love for your Yan-Yan. Your stomach looped itself into playful knots as his words played over and over again in your head.

"Yan.. I feel the same way. Ever since I met you.. I.. I.. know what it's like to be happy.." you whimpered, eyes welling up again, causing you to wipe your tears, "and that's why I get so anxious— and why you get anxious too.. because we're so afraid of losing each other but.. but.. I.. I know that I'd never leave you.. and I'm starting to believe you'll never leave me either.. and I'm sorry it's taking me so long to believe it.. I'm always used to people leaving."

You saw Yan smile softly, and then his smile widened, brown eyes shining with determination, "Well senpai! I'll just have to make sure you believe it! Because I really mean it, I won't ever leave you!"

You smiled again, cheeks flushing, "Thank you Yan.. I— I love you so much."

His face turned red as his smile grew, "I love you too Senpai."

Soon enough, the both of you pulled into his driveway and got out the car, going straight to his bedroom and changing into pajamas. After that, the both of you snuggled underneath the covers, exchanging love struck glances and soft kisses, until.. you both eventually fell asleep in each other's arms.

[carbootsoul]

i was tagged by @katarahairloopies!!! thank u :mwah:

name: leo! @/zeitgeistofnow on ao3, @lazypigeon & @timetohope on here, altho i’m considering uh switching back to not having an art blog :/ i have to think abt it.

fandom(s): ace attorney is my main one rn bc i’m replaying the games with a friend of mine and it’s reminding me how invested i am in the characters!! a lot of my recent fic is atla stuff, altho i’ve been distancing myself from the fandom bc i’ve kinda exhausted my interest in it. finally i’ve been reading a lot of mp100 fic but i don’t think i’ll ever write for it. i just love how dumb all the characters r (with the dubious exception of ritsu)

where you post: ao3!! tbh i always get suprised when people say they write/read fic on any other platform like i haven’t messed around w wattpad or ff.net since middle school... catch up........

most popular oneshot: going just by “one chapter” as the definition of a oneshot, the firestarters, bc it’s fluffy and modern au :) i wouldn’t necessarily call it a oneshot tho bc to me a oneshot shows like, one scene? so like by my definition and your sweet sweet sun makes me crazy (i wanna lay you down and see how you amaze me is my most popular!! (also @ kit u thought UR fic titles were unnecessarily long??? i’ve hit the ao3 LIMIT for characters in titles. it’s about the aesthetic

most popular multichapter fic: sdkjflakjlkj it’s two crowned kings; and one that stood alone, which is a w359 fic i wrote back in late 2017. it’s literally the last fic i haven’t orphaned from when i actually wrote podcast fic (i have 4 other podcast fics but they were all borne out of nostalgia and written after i stopped participating in the fandom). i rewrote all but the last chapter? the last two? about a year ago and i fucked up halfway through so like chapter 6 and 7 are repeated and there’s something missing but i’m too lazy to fix it. no one’s going to read it now anyway :) it WAS the top minlace fic for a little while tho which i take great pride in.

favorite story you’ve written so far: oh that’s a hard question akfsldkfj i honestly like most of them!! and i write a LOT so there’s a lot to choose from. tonight, we are young is def one of my favorites- it was fun to write and i got to explore the ways zuko and yue r similar, which i LOVE to do outside of a zukka/yukka view. you can lean on my arm as you break my heart  is one that i’m really proud of? the whole “cooking as an expression of bato’s love” is definitely some of my favorites. a lot of my ace attorney fics would be categoried as my favorites if i hadn’t improved, too, if that makes sense. like they’re no long my favorites because i can see where my writing is shitty and it bothers me, but if i had written them a month ago they’d be my favorite.

fic you were nervous to post: figures 1-5: killing gods def!! it’s a lot more purple-prose-y than most of my fics and it was also written before i’d kinda like emersed myself in the atla fandom so i didn’t have as good a grasp on the general understanding of zuko’s character as i do now. tbh it’s one i’m rly happy w tho!! i have a few people leave really nice comments on it and rereading them makes me really happy. also it was the start of me hating the position of fire lord and being at least passively anti-it in my fics.

how you choose your titles: they’re almost all song lyrics!! only 14 of my 50 words AREN’T song lyrics and about half of those are from before i started writing ace attorney fic lol. sometimes i go into a fic with a song in mind for the vibes and then i usually go with lyrics from that (like in ‘cuz we’re the greatest /they’ll hang us in the louvre), but otherwise i usually pick an artist i’ve been listening to and go through their songs until i find a lyric that fits. sometimes the lyric doesn’t even really fit the fic and i just chose it at random or because i searching up the word “fly” in my spotify library or whatever. honestly i like coming up with titles? i know a lot of fic writers hate it but being able to just use song lyrics is v soothing for me and while i know that most people won’t search out a song just bc it’s a fic title like.. seeing that the title of a fic is a hozier lyric does affect how i read it and i kinda like that.

do you outline? i outline my long form/multichaptered fics with varying strictness. usually anything over ~8k will have some kind of outline. sometimes i go into it with every single scene planned out, sometimes it’s just notes on the side of the google doc that say “it's about MORE family. about how it's not betraying your existing family to find more” and “scenes i want to include: [...]” and “vampires... ngl kinda hot.” i’m trying to outline super strictly less bc i’ve found it’s less fun? but i do try to keep a plot arc in mind. since most of my fics are more character-driven than plot-driven, that usually just means keeping track of what character development i want to happen or what is motiviating the characters. 

complete: um everything posted on ao3 i guess. also the MULTITUDE of orphaned fics out there asksfjldkj i always click ‘leave my pseud on’ so if u look up my username you see all of my fics and then a. lot of other ones.

in progress: - a fic titled ‘dad phoenix’ that is actually just a no DL-6 au with defense attorney miles edgeworth and single dad bartender phoenix where neither of them want to date for A While but phoenix gets wrapped up in one of miles’s cases. it’s about family. it’s about writing teenagers. it’s about the background franmaya which is ALWAYS what i’m here for in wrightworth fics - a franmaya werewolf/vampire au because i’m ~gay~ and love rivals to lovers and also franziska and maya both being angry their older brothers r dating each other. - my secret santa fic!! which i can’t talk about much but it does feature toph and zuko and also piandao and jeong jeong???? idk where they came from but they are Part Of The Fic Now also i forgot iroh existed for half the fic and wrote piandao as zuko’s father figure and now i’m in too deep. - a 5+1 bakoda fic (maybe a bato/hakoda/kay fic??? i need to decide. that’s part of why this fic is still incomplete bc i can’t decide which relationship dynamic i prefer) that’s 5 times bato said he loves hakoda and one time hakoda said it back. possibly i have already written him saying i love u back and i need to change the title a little. - retail au klapollo where klavier works at an overpriced boutique and apollo comes in to buy earrings for nahyuta’s birthday. klavier gives him a punch card (one that the store doesn’t actually offer anymore as a bid to get apollo to come back) and all of apollo’s family come in to use the punch card and also give klavier variations on the shovel talk/find out if he’s actually into apollo. - a LOT of atla fics that i don’t think i’ll ever finish :(

coming soon/not yet started:  - i want to write some blackmadhi bc they’re.. cute..... and it’s a good excuse to also write athena and i love her - my stuff for yueki week!!! i have NOT prepped enough but hopefully i’ll remember in time! i wrote the prompts in a way that kinda set up stuff i’ve already wanted to write (don’t look at me lol) so hopefully i’ll get at least two or three fics finished in time. - i want to rewrite the wrightworth fic i have about them not getting married bc it was interesting and i like what i wrote about but i think i could have written it better and made it more interesting. rewriting fics is hard tho bc i’m never sure if it makes sense to just edit in the new work or to repost it? and then if u repost it do u delete the old one? conflicting so i might just not

do you accept prompts? totally!!! a disclaimer tho i’m not super into writing atla stuff anymore (most of the atla stuff i’m still writing is  something i made a commitment to finish) so if your prompt is an atla one i probably won’t do it :/ basically anything else is fair game tho!! podcasts/aa/sa/uh i don’t remember anything else but like if you search a fandom on my blog and come up with more than two posts about it chances r i’d be happy to write fic for it!

upcoming work that you’re most excited about: oh huh i mean probably the no dl-6 au!!! it’s the longest ace attorney fic i’ve written already and since it’s wrightworth it’ll get more attention than any franmaya fic i write. my standards r so high now tho after getting to much feedback from atla fans... love u all... obviously i have no choice but to pressure my atla mutuals into playing ace attorney. pls ask abt it bc i WIll Give You A Sales Pitch about why you’d like it in relation to atla

tagging: i’m not rly tagging anyone!!! @deadflora if you still consider urself a fic writer also consider urself tagged! also any of my other mutuals who write fic i just can’t think of anyone rn

[velvetgons]

junkyu as your boyfriend

junkyu x reader

warnings; don’t think so!!, maybe some swearing

a/n; :(( i’m really sorry for the slow updates on the two fics i have in my list!! i’m just a lil bit of a slow writer with full fics! sorry again :) 

requested; yes!! thank you anon :) 

word count; 3.2k :))

gif credit; virgojunkyu on tumblr!! ((if tumblr removes it again nvonv) as always, please let me know if you’d like it removed at any point!! :) 

ok so! as always, first of all: how did you and this overgrown child meet?

well, well, i have a Different Trope to offer you all today!

so i genuinely think that getting to know junkyu wouldn’t actually be a romantic thing at first?

as in, you’d probably meet him through having multiple mutual friends and you’d go to a lil get together with your friendship group and it’s just like:

ur friend would walk you over to junkyu and some more friends and is just: “oh by the way this is the junkyu i mention a lot!!”

and so you say hello and have a conversation with him and the group of people around you and it’s just very casual

but you end up really liking junkyu because!! he’s so funny and has a bunch of lil endearing habits and so – entirely platonically!!! – you’d ask for his number so you could talk more

and junkyu would be really excited and probably say something like “omg yes!! i can’t wait to hang out :)) see you soon!!!!”

which, to be honest, was super cute and maybe you blushed but you honestly weren’t seeing it as any form of romance

and from then you’d talk a lot, probably lowkey every day, and it’d just be a really fun friendship that you’d formed out of nowhere!!

he’d call you randomly throughout the day to talk about weird things he’d been thinking about (example: “ok just another quick question but how can we be sure that dinosaurs don’t just live underwater now? the ocean is so unexplored and there’s rising sea levels, and we just. we have no idea. oh my god, do i tell a scientist about this?? have i Done Something??”)

you’d always go out for lunches and late breakfasts and coffee meetings together and just joke around :(( n he’s definitely the type to wanna get like. four different foods for the two of you and just share them so he can have a bit of everything

will make you go to the park with him and push him on the swings. no exceptions and no excuses it’s a Must in this friendship

and omg you’d just be really close and you’d spend so much time with one another that you could watch movies and chill out and when something you wanted to comment on happened in the movie neither of you would have to say it you’d just do The Look and he’d KNOW

you’d also sleepover at each other’s quite a lot and it would be entirely normal,, like he’s just gonna fall asleep on ur bed wrapped up in a blanket and ur gonna fall asleep minutes later under ur duvet

or you’d take naps together because he’d get real clingy n just kinda. lay on you. and fall asleep. and i mean, he’s just so warm and soft you can’t help but fall asleep with him

affection would also be a completely normal thing too!! pretty early on into the friendship he’d just say, “to warn u i am a very cuddly person so if that’s not ok with you please tell me now !!” and you’d tell him it’s ok bc uwu he’s still the cute lil friend you met recently and that’s an adorable habit

but oh boy do you regret that now. he will just. cling to you. all the time. he’d lift your arm to curl underneath it n snuggle into you. he’d hold ur hand 24/7. when he’d get sleepy and you’d be moving around he’d back-hug you and be leaning almost all of his weight against you. he’d fidget a lot when you sat to watch things until he was pretty much either spooning you or he’d be leant with his back against your chest.

and lowkey you’d think it was such a cute thing because :(( he’s so precious and he genuinely doesn’t seem aware that he’s doing it most of the time

oof he’d probably give you lil kisses sometimes too? and he seriously wouldn’t think of it as anything other than like ‘smooching ur friends is completely normal ! normalise platonic affection !’ so when he’s leaving he’s gonna give you a lil forehead kiss. he’d give you a lil cheek kiss when you hugged sometimes

and it’d become a habit that you’d probably pick up on too like? if he’s sat within smooching distance when ur quietly watching something together: （￣ε￣ʃƪ）if he’s smiling real big and his cheeks look kissable:（￣ε￣ʃƪ）

and junkyu seriously just thinks all of his feelings for you are completely platonic like?? he thinks that he wants to kiss you all the time because you’re his bestest bud. and he’s always so clingy with you because he’s got big appreciation for you and your friendship with him !

you’re kind of in the same position with it too, u know, because like. junkyu is super cute and he’s handsome and nice and you wanna mwah but?? you’ve also seen this boy trip over air on multiple occasions and he’s held your hair back for you when you’ve been sick and seen you ugly cry before so you assume it’s just because ur super close

but then…one day…he’s just kinda sprawled out across your bed while you get snacks from downstairs and it’s the day you’ve mentioned ((very passingly like: “oh, he’s cute”)) that a waiter at a café you go to a lot is kinda cute

and he’s laying there. and his mind is just spinning?? he’s created this whole picture in his head that: cute waiter boy will give you his number, you’ll go on dates with him, you’ll start to call him your boyfriend, all those long phone conversations and movie marathons and cuddle sessions will be transferred onto this new boyfriend, you’ll stop giving junkyu lil kisses because now you’ll wanna kiss your boyfriend, you’ll end marrying this boyfriend and junkyu will only see you twice a year at mutual friend parties like he used to

which leads him to picturing his life without your presence in it anymore and he’s convinced that he can feel genuine pain in his chest at the idea?? who’s he gonna order too much food with, who’s he gonna watch dumb movies with, who’s gonna tell jokes that make him laugh so much his stomach hurts, who’s gonna have #deep conversations with him??

and then he’s thinking about you doing all that with someone else…and thinking of someone else holding your hair back for you when you’re sick, and someone else knowing your different orders off by heart, and someone else getting to see you ugly cry and hear about your problems and…….he HATES it

by the time he hears you coming back upstairs he’d rush off into your bathroom because he hates to admit it but he’s crying a lil bit and his face is all scrunched up in disgust at the ideas in his head

and you arrive back to ur room to find no junkyu :(( so you go to your bathroom (best guess which was indeed: correct) and you knock a lil bit and hear junkyu cough really inconspicuously before mumbling a, “yeah, just a minute.”

which obviously worries you because that’s your best friend and he sounds upset and the idea of him upset has your heart doing a sad keyboard smash. but you respect that it could be literally anything by this point so you go to ur room and wait there

and junkyu comes back after a lil bit and he’s like “i :(( need to talk to you about something kinda serious” because he’s a lil bit angry with himself because?? a: how did he not realise the feelings he has for you are not platonic at all and, b: he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship

which makes you nervous but you’re like… “ok.. i’m listening and supporting you :)”

and then he doesn’t really know what to say so he just, “please don’t date the waiter boy!! or anyone else!!” and so you kinda recoil because ?? hmmm when did you say you wanted to date the waiter and hmmm why does he care

but then he goes “please don’t date anyone but me…”

and you’re ?? because now that you’re thinking about it properly maybe you do like him romantically? but you’re just so confused because you honestly don’t know what you’re thinking

so you’re kinda like, “can i,, think about this?? i don’t really know what i’m uh feeling right now!!”

and he’s like, “yeah, yeah of course omg i’m sorry!! just….let me know??” n he’d probably leave you too it then instead of liking. hanging around after he’d said that

so you’d spend some time thinking it through you know like,, oh damn…maybe i do like him a little more than i thought huh…

by the time you told junkyu you felt the same he’d have been having four (4) heart-attacks a day waiting for your answer and he’d probably be like “aha! that’s so great! can i come see you,, right now… i’ve been missing you a whole bunch” but on the inside he’s having his fifth (5th!) heart-attack of the day

and so whoosh! now you’re overgrown child friend is your boyfriend :) lucky you

his clinginess? intensified! now he’d feel like there wasn’t the line between ‘they’re just my friend and friends do Not do that kind of affection!’

whenever you walk into a room with him to sit down now, you’re being pulled to sit right on his lap so he can cuddle you more!! his hand is in yours 24/7!!

but…now that you’re dating…he’s too shy to show public affection bc like…now it Means More

i mean people that saw you on the street previously would’ve assumed you were already dating but junkyu doesn’t know that

so no more lil smooches in public!! now it’s strictly hand holding, having his arm around your waist or shoulders, occasionally he’ll just hug you in the middle of a street (you’d be like “i thought you said toning it down….bro i…”)

not much would change but!! he’d love to have proper kisses now :)) kissing junkyu would be super gentle n sweet bc omg !! you’re his baby !! he wants to: love and protect !

let’s you borrow his berets as a sign of love…but he won’t hesitate to steal your clothes either like…

you got oversized sweats that he likes? claimed! you got a cute pink hoodie he just knows he’d look great in? taken! by the time you get the clothes back they’re just slightly stretched out at the arms because he’s long….and you’re begging him to not steal clothes that he must already know won’t fit him but he’s just “:DD they’re cute on me!”

but sadly this is correct. and you always forget not to flatter him because he tells you every time: “it makes me blush too much!! if you compliment me i’ll just die…i can’t handle it!”

this is especially an issue when you go shopping with him to get clothes because every clothing item he tries on you’d be like: “a king!! no one else could ever!! look how great you look!! excuse me while i: scream” and he’d just. squeal. and hide in a changing room because his whole face is boutta go red

having said that, he is your biggest fan! you wear a dress? he’ll scream and twist himself into ungodly angles to get good quality pictures of you. you wear sweats? he thinks you look so warm and cuddly you’re never leaving his arms again.

he’d compliment you all the time and half the time he wouldn’t have to think about it? like, he sees you and his first reaction is to just: “xvonbosab you’re so cute omg i’m in Love”

junkyu is also a firm believe in lowkey matching your outfits: same shirts but in different colours, same coloured different shirts and trousers, etc.

his headass would probably get you friendship bracelets back before he confessed and gets you an extra lil charm when you finally start dating :((

he’s also so caring !! if you told him you hadn’t eaten and it’d gotten to like 5pm he’d freak out because ?? you need to be healthy ! every time he moves to go get something for himself he, “do YOU want anything?”

will tell you to put a jacket on before you leave the house on a cold day ((you don’t because it’d ruin your outfit)) and later,, when you got cold,, he’d passively aggressively wrap you up in his jacket

full offence junkyu carries a candid of you and mashiho round his wallet and will Never remove it

on this topic! whenever you’re around his friends his heart just….beats so much faster…he thought there was something wrong with him at first but after turning to yedam and being like, “my hearts beating out of my chest dndobc” when you did something nice for mashiho, yedam was just like “well yeah it’s bc you love her lol”

and like?? junkyu just kinda. like yeah. he does. indeed. he uh um loves you.

and realistically he knows it wouldn’t be a big deal to say it because he’s said it a thousand times to you when you were friends but now that you’re dating it seems like such a big thing

but boy oh boy once he’s said it,,, it’s gonna be added onto the end of almost every single sentence

you know like the old “breathe in: boi” meme….yeah it’s that except it’s just a loop of junkyu telling you he loves you in the space of an hour

has to say i love you especially (along with a lil mwah) before he goes to bed so he can “have good dreams!!” but like he doesn’t have to lie you’d kiss him anyway ://

would try to make you breakfast but he can never make good quality ones so he just gets you cereal and brings it to you in bed while he does a lil breathy laugh like “it’s your boyfriend, the chef, here with your gourmet breakfast”

i just, i have a Thing, with junkyu, where i firmly believe he just doesn’t really like pet-names?? they’re just not really his kind of style when it comes to dating,, except there’s like one or two that he will. always. use instead of your name

he loves calling you like “angel” because uwu!! that’s you to him!! his aNgEl

he’d do this so often that he’d have your name saved in his phone as ‘my angel’ with a thousand hearts next to it, and his friends would tease him RELENTLESSLY about him but :]]] he doesn’t mind !

and! he has a soft spot for the classic,,, the iconic,, the overused, “baby” bc uhhh you’re His BabyTM? not clickbait?

he also loves doing dumb childish things with you. watching cartoons while eating candy in matching pyjamas? big yes from him! building forts and then sleeping in them? even bigger yes!

if you have drama to tell him about or a secret you have to go under a big blanket with a torch and set in the middle of you two while you tell him in a whisper so no one ((even though you’re literally alone)) will hear

((hehe………is this uhh how do you say…..a Teaser?))

if you watch a show you’ve been watching together without him he will genuinely be so hurt like. “that was a personal thing we were sharing!!! how could you betray me????”

but on a real level. i just cannot see junkyu as someone that does well in arguments.

if you were arguing back and forth and it got mean at all he’d be so upset?? he’d definitely cry no matter what in arguments but if he ever felt that hurt you or if he felt hurt by something you said he’d be such a mess :(

but i also don’t think he’d actually ever have very much to argue about like?? he doesn’t get jealous very easily after a while because he knows you love him and wouldn’t do that to him, he doesn’t get angry very easily, and he just like. completely understands what it is that you want and need?

you were really close friends before so you two would’ve told each other things that wouldn’t come up in day to day discussions with your s/o? like, “omg what’s your biggest pet peeve in a partner!” or even just saying things like, “i think, in that situation, i’m the type of person to…”

because from those conversations you both got to know the things you liked and disliked and what kind of person you both were, u know?

so if by some magic an argument occurred. it’d end quickly. because, a: junkyu would get upset and take some time to himself to calm himself down, or b: junkyu just :(( gives up and stops responding because he genuinely doesn’t want to feed into the argument anyway

he’s much more of a “calmly discuss your issues and find a good solution!!” type of person so he always tries to do that instead of even beginning to argue

n from what we’ve seen so far he’s a lot more of a sad stressed n tired so i think if he found himself feeling like that he isn’t gonna snap at you? he’d probably just want you to cuddle him and play with his hair so he can relax again

junkyu is also fully the type of boyfriend to do ur shoe-laces for you if they come undone you know he wouldn’t think about the ‘omg cute couple things’ he’s just “xocvbov you’re shoe-laces are undone ! you’re a walking hazard this is so unsafe !”

full offence but now that you’re dating junkyu takes you back to that café where you said the waiter was cute and is like “:D finally i can eat here again without feeling nervous!”

which is, to the friends he took to lunch with you and who were not there to witness his confession or that whole day, very confusing and just slightly worrying

but to you it’s like ‘:(( wowie he’s really my baby huh’

but overall i feel like honestly nothing would change after you started dating junkyu? you two would still be best friends and act just like you did before

except! now that you’re dating junkyu gets to kiss you on the Lips! and he gets to cuddle you while you sleep for the whole night too! and he gets to introduce you to people as ‘mY gIrLfRiEnD’

but he’s just such a warm and nice presence to have in your life that when you’d look back on it now like ?? how could you not tell he was gonna be the boy you fell completely in love with

and he honestly thinks exactly the same thing omg he’d think back to things he used to say/do with you or things he’d think about you and be like ‘how did i not realise those are in no way platonic things to think about your platonic friend What?’

but overall i think dating junkyu would seriously just be like being around your best friend 24/7 !!!

[nohshinwoos]

survey results 🥳

so a few days ago i did a follower survey and now i’ve gathered the results so it’s time for some stats 📊

some general info

this survey was made just for fun and there might be mistakes in it.

i can’t do math, so i apologise for that in advance.

216 people participated in this survey.

answers were submitted between august 17th and august 21st via google forms.

some questions allowed for participants to choose more than one answer, which means the total might be more than 100% on those questions.

the number of people who chose each answer are in brackets.

if i get asks about this everything will be tagged “fp survey 2019” so if it gets annoying just blacklist it!

the results (with some comments from me) are under the cut!

about you

what’s your age?

32.4% (70) 14-17

27.8% (60) 18-20

21.3% (46) 21-23

9.7% (21) 24-26

4.2% (9) 13 or under

3.2% (7) 27-30

1.4% (3) 31 or over

* i’m so old hhhh 😳

what do you identify as?

70.8% (153) female

20.4% (44) formless blob

6% (13) male

2.8% (6) other

* i didn’t wanna exclude anyone, which is why i chose to have an “other” option to allow people to express whatever they feel comfortable with identifying as.

sexuality

37% (80) bisexual

19.9% (43) lesbian

17.1% (37) asexual/anything on the ace spectrum

13% (28) i don’t use labels

10.6% (23) pansexual

9.7% (20) other

out of which:

4.7% (10) queer**

6.9% (15) heterosexual

3.7% (8) gay

* as this was a question where people could choose multiple options, the total percentage is more than 100%.

** queer wasn’t originally an option in the survey, but i added it in the results as there were so many that wrote it when choosing “other” as an option.

what’s your zodiac sign?

13% (28) pisces

12% (26) taurus

10.6% (23) sagittarius

10.2% (22) scorpio

9.3% (20) capricorn

7.9% (17) aquarius

7.4% (16) libra

6.9% (15) leo

6.5% (14) gemini

6% (13) virgo

5.6% (12) aries

4.6% (10) cancer

* shoutout to all my fellow pisces! i was actually surprised that so many of you who took this are pisces, didn’t expect that.

where are you from?

44.9% (97) united states

22.2% (48) other countries/unable to count

8.3% (18) canada

5.6% (12) united kingdom

4.6% (10) australia

4.2% (9) germany

3.2% (7) sweden

3.2% (7) finland

1.9% (4) russia

1.9% (4) ireland

* these are just the top 9 countries from the survey. if you wanna know a number for a specific country, feel free to ask me! 

** oh and a shoutout to my fellow swedes! (i wanted to write something in swedish here but i didn’t know what sdkshjgkl)

dan & phil

do you watch dan & phil?

97.2% (210) yes

1.9% (4) used to but not anymore

0.5% (1) who?

0.5% (1) other

0% (0) no

* i don’t know why i had an other option for this question, but it was fun reading this one person’s rant about how the last question (”dannie or phillie :)”) of this part scared them. love you, you’re valid!

when did you start watching them?

25% (54) 2015-2016

24.5% (53) 2013-2014

24.5% (53) 2017-2018

16.7% (36) 2011-2012

5.6% (12) 2019

2.8% (6) 2009-2010

0.9% (2) 2009 or before

0% (0) i don’t watch them

do you think they are together?

90.7% (196) yes

8.8% (19) i don’t know

0.5% (1) i used to but not anymore

0% (0) no

dannie or phillie :)

59.3% (128) dannie

40.7% (88) phillie

* shoutout to all my fellow dannies!

about me and my blog

when did you start following me?

51.4% (111) 2019

35.6% (77) 2018

13% (28) 2017 or before

* it’s wild that some of you have been following me since 2017 or before - wow! and thank you! i feel like you have seen a lot sdhjsfjkl

how did you find me?

37% (80) honestly no idea

31.9% (69) from someone else’s blog

27.3% (59) saw your gifs/edits

14.4% (31) tumblr recommended

2.8% (6) read a fic of yours

2.5% (5) other

0.5% (1) from a friend

* as this was a question where people could choose multiple options, the total percentage is more than 100%.

fav content of mine?

75.9% (164) gifs

26.4% (57) edits

13.4% (29) icons

17.6% (38) fics

40.3% (87) text posts

3.5% (7) other

* as this was a question where people could choose multiple options, the total percentage is more than 100%.

** didn’t know ppl liked my text posts that much but thank u! and shoutout to the one person who said “memes” sjdkskfjkgl 

*** also seeing 38 (!!) ppl say fics really boosts my confidence in writing, which is very much needed for me rn, so thank u!!

anything you wanna say about me as a person/my blog 😳

this was an open question, where people could write whatever they want about me and my blog.

there were quite a few answers and i’m not sure if i should publish them or how i even would in that case, but just know i’ve read them all and cried (good tears, i promise) and i really do appreciate every single one of you so much. 

will try to remember all your kind words on days when i need to cheer up and i will save them and look back at them if i ever need motivation for anything 💖

anything else? suggestions? or if you wanna reveal who you are that’s okay too

this question was another open one as well. some chose to reveal themselves, while some just said something nice.

notes for myself

in a potential future survey i’ll have less of the “other” option, as it can be hard to group some answers together.

for a potential future survey i will definitely phrase the questions a bit differently and maybe add other questions for a more precise result.

i just generally feel like i learnt a lot - both about who my followers are and also what they think of me. it was very interesting to go through and reflect on!

i’ve only ever done one survey for an essay in school, so making a “not so serious one” was fun and i think i learnt a lot from that aspect as well. might be useful in the future, who knows!

[acabecca]

Fanfic author challenge

The challenge is to post segments from 4 of your favorite fics you have written. They can be as long or as short as you wish, and you may provide the readers with some insight on why you chose this fragment. 

I was tagged by @darknightfrombeyond and @siriussblackx - thank you and sorry for what u are about to read xo 

1. Tangled Up - The Originals AU (Klaus x OC)

“…You think I’m going to screw up.”

It wasn’t a question. He knew that that’s what Calen thought – that he’d play the role of ‘Dad’ for a bit, that he’d inevitably get bored with it like he did with everything else in his life, that his visits to see Amelia would gradually lessen until they stopped altogether, and that Kol would continue to be the one to raise his child like he had done since the day she was born.

If he was entirely honest with himself, that’s what Klaus had initially thought would happen when he’d come back to town, too. He hadn’t expected his breath to still catch in his throat at the mere sight of Calen Myers, he hadn’t expected the jealousy that had flooded through him when he realised his little brother had stepped into his shoes and been the man Klaus wasn’t able to be, and he most definitely hadn’t expected Amelia to steal his heart the way she had.

But the second his little girl had looked up at him with those big blue eyes, eyes much like his own, he had fallen head over heels in love with her and he knew then that he had to be a part of her life. He wasn’t content to sit on the side lines anymore and let Kol be the father figure his daughter deserved.

His own father had always made him feel like he was never good enough, that he was nothing more than an inconvenience and he’d be damned if Amelia was going to grow up feeling that way about him.

“I’m just looking at your track record, Klaus,” Calen whispered, looking down at her hands in her lap. “I don’t want you to mess this up, but I won’t be surprised if you do. Just know that this is it, I’m not going to give you another chance. If you let my daughter down, if you hurt her, you don’t get a second chance. Mia is the most important thing in my life and I will kill you with my bare hands before I give you an opportunity to leave her like you left me.”

2. Collide - Misfits (Rudy x OC)

Almost an hour later, the five of them were changed and standing round the locker room. Simon has cleaned every trace of Alisha’s blood off his skin, and Curtis had disappeared into the hallway twenty minutes earlier with a mop and a bucket to clean away the blood in the corridor.

They had barely spoken.

As soon as she was changed, Jax had taken a seat back on the cold tiled floor, her back pressed against Nathan’s old locker.

She missed him more than anything in that moment, and she would have given anything for him to be there with them, sat next to her on the floor with an arm loosely draped over her shoulder as a reminder that he would be there when she eventually fell apart.

But it was Curtis who eventually sat down beside her, his legs stretched out in front of him and his hands in his lap as he turned his head to look at her.

“Stupid question, but… You alright?” he asked quietly, and Jax sent him a half-shrug in reply.

“I miss Nathan,” she told him hoarsely, keeping her voice low so the others didn’t hear her. “It’s stupid. I know he’d be next to useless in this kind of situation, but having him here would just… Be a bit comforting. I don’t know.”

“You loved him.”

“Maybe.”

“Nah, you did,” Curtis said simply. “We all knew you did. Couldn’t work out why, though. He was a prick.”

3. Stolen Moments - Teen Wolf AU (Isaac x OC)

There’s a really cute guy at the airport.

…Sneaky pic?

Daphne snorted at her friend’s reply and shook her head, telling Audra in no uncertain terms that she definitely was not about to take a picture of some guy.

“Mind if I join you?”

Daphne jumped at the voice, looking up and sucking in a breath as she saw him stood before her, his eyebrows raised expectantly.

“Oh, uhm, no, sure,” she stuttered, shaking her head and moving her back on to the floor so he could sit beside her. “…I thought you were leaving?”

“I was going to,” he told her with a shrug. “Until I realised there’s not much else to do until boarding, so I thought I’d come back here. I’m Isaac,” he held his hands towards her and Daphne stared at it for a few seconds, before she reached out and shook his hand. “And you are…?”

“Oh, uhm,” she laughed softly. “Daphne. I’m Daphne.”

4. Save You - The Vampire Diaries (Stefan x OC x Klaus)

“We’re going to need a new plan to stop Klaus.”

Briar paused halfway through pulling her history book out of her locker as she pressed her phone close to her ear. “What?” she whispered urgently. “What do you mean? Why?”

“Because if you don’t get here within the next ten minutes,” Ava began with a growl. “I’m going to kill the witch.”

“Ava!” Briar let out a sigh of relief, followed by a laugh. “I thought something was seriously wrong!”

“Something is seriously wrong!” Ava insisted with a whine. “I’m here on my own with your boyfriend and his idiot brother while they try to argue with their human toy and her annoying little friend. I don’t remember this being part of the plan, Briar. The only reason I’m even helping is because you insist on such a goody-goody and saving these people. What’s the point in me being here if you’re not, huh? How come you’re not here with Stefan?”

“Well because contrary to popular belief, Stefan and I aren’t actually attached at the hip.”

Ava huffed. “What I mean is, he won’t let Elena out of his sight in case Klaus tries to kidnap her or something, right? Well, what if Klaus tries to take you?”

Briar scrunched her face up in confusion. “Why would Klaus try to take me?”

“Honestly B, I feel like you’re really missing the point here.”

“Well if you’d hurry up and get to the point, maybe I wouldn’t miss it?” Briar suggested, shoving the last of her books into her backpack and slamming her locker door.

“My point is, why isn’t Stefan as bothered about protecting you?”

Briar frowned at her friend’s question. “Well, I don’t know, probably because you’re the only one who seems to think I need protecting? I can take care of myself, Ava, you know I can. I don’t need anyone to protect me, I’m-”

“A superwitch, I got it.”

Briar smirked. “I was going to say I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, but sure, if you wanna call me a superwitch I’ll go with it.”

“Ugh,” Ava snorted, and Briar could just picture her rolling her eyes. “Just hurry up and get here, would you? I’m starting to get a little hungry.”

“Ava please do not kill anyone in the time it takes me to get home from school,” Briar sighed. “I’m leaving now, I’ll be there in like half an hour. Play nice!”

I’m gonna tag.... @ceruleanmusings @purple-and-red-ribbons @cptainsrogers @blckthcrns @chlobenet @nellie--crain @curious-fools-howl-to-the-moon @jessicascla @perfectlystiles

[hazbin-huntress]

About me! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Rules: answer 21 questions then tag 21 people you want to get to know better

Tagged by: @littleshebear thanks! ovo

Nickname: Jess. Not much you can do with Jesse ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Zodiac: Gemini

Height: Just a little under 5′7!

Last movie I saw: Into the Spider-verse! (It was so good i wanna see it agAIN)

Last thing I googled: The term stippling.We were talking about that hellish art type we were forced to learn in elementary school where you only use dot by dot and couldn’t remember the name.

Favorite musician: Be damned if I can pick one do you know how much music I listen to. Right now I’m kinda listening between Imagine Dragons and Post Malone but tbh it can change as fast as my mood

Song stuck in my head: Eris Morn - A Destiny Parody by Ravens of the Realm!

Other blogs: I think I have like 2 others but it’s been so long I don’t even remember what they are anymore

Do I get asks: Here and there! I have one in my box asking about a second part for my recent Angst Destiny fic which I’m really excited to do! I hope to get more ovo

Following: 463

Followers: 493 (I know some are probably bots but I’ll take what victories I can get)

Amount of sleep: you want me to be real it depends on the day. My AVERAGE is like 6-ish hours? But sometimes my body either lets me sleep for 3 hours or for 14. Because yknow get fucked amirite

Lucky number: I wanna say 8?

What I’m wearing: My boyfriends DC shirt, his red jacket and some comfy black sweatpants. hell yee

Dream job: I really want to be an entertainer. I know it’s silly, but for the last decade I’ve been watching people like let’s players and youtube personalities who have gotten me through some really tough times. I wanna give back to the community, all I want to do is make other people happy. I know how bad life can be, and I know people have it much worse than I do. But if I can make a difference, if I could make someones day just a little bit better, then I know I’m where I’m supposed to be.

Dream trip: Japan! I would kill to experience the culture that Japan offers, I’ve wanted to go for years!

Favorite food: I don’t remember. My mom makes a lot of great meals, but I’m usually down for anything with chicken or red meat. Like I get really back cravings for red meat sometimes, it’s weird.

Play any instruments: I wanted to learn the guitar when i was younger ;w;

Languages: English is my first language! But I know a bit of German (thanks to my mom’s family) and my weeb ass knows a choppy bit of Japanese. Honestly, I think I know more Japanese than I do German.

Favorite song: Depends on my mood. Right now, Sunflower by Post Malone from the Spiderverse soundtrack is a good one, it’s definitely in my chill playlist.

Random facts:

It’s my boyfriends fault I’m obsessed with this fucking game, now I’m more into it than he is what has he DONE TO ME

I really love baking. My family says I make a fantastic Red Velvet cupcake c:

I’m chaotically organized. Except when I actually need to FIND SOMETHING.

I’d really like to get the courage to star college, but I just don’t feel like I’m ready yet, nor do I have the funds. I don’t want to hop into something when I don’t even know what I’d go for yet, yknow? Except a Business Minor, but that's just for practicality, looks good when you apply for jobs.

I. Love. Mythology. So damn much. Greek, Roman, Egyptian, Norse, aaaa I love it all.

I used to take Tang Soo Do back in middle school.

I’ve known my boyfriend for about a decade now. We met through a friend on Xbox Live back when I was in 6th grade. We were best friends, even if we’d never met online. Then we had a... falling out, if you will? But eventually we started talking again, and then after 4 years of my swallowing feelings saying they were nothing but infatuation spasms and they’d go away, I wrote a damn novel on skype saying I liked him and now here we are! We were long distance for a few months, but now we live together. Our 2 year anniversary is coming up on Feb 28th ^v^

I WANT TO MOVE TO SEATTLE FUCK FLORIDA AAA.

No in all seriousness, that’s where he used to live. His mom invited us to apartment-sit while she and her husband went to England and I felt so alive in that city! It was wonderful, and we’re trying to make our way back there. Can’t rush though, for I am but a child in an almost 20 year old body and the world is terrifying.

Describe yourself as aesthetic things:

Wat. Okay uh. Calm music in the Dark. Journals of writing and drawings. Sitting cozy in bed on a cold day. The Unpredictable outcome of a coin-flip. The Scent of Obsession Cologne. (Used to be my dad’s but now I wear it. It brings good memories. ^^) Hugs from a loved one. The cold air of fall. The uncertainty of an Optical illusion. The vibrations from the bass in you music. Did I do this right h e ck

Tagging: F R I CK OKAY UH @talyn-the-warlock @theglassrose @fireteam-valiant @aislinavalbane @stargazer-titan @xivu-arathole @crystulheart15 @lady-efriyeet AND ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO DO THIS also anyone i tagged you obviously dont have to ;u; This was fun!!

[mrkis]

responses to (his, 0.28) j.j.k

all of my responses to your asks are under ‘keep reading’ although i’m not sure if the keep reading option is still working so i apologise if it’s not :)) thank you so much for sending these in and thank you for still reading ‘his’ even though i don’t update much anymore.

for those who haven’t seen the last update of ‘his’, please go read before you open this as it might contain spoilers :))

anon said: WELL THAT HURT

sorry D:

taetaebaebear said: JKDS;AGKFDJGKLFDAHGKDJALGJDSA;LKGKLDAJGKLDSJGLDAJ'KLGJDA +  Oay, i'm composed. but... how? why did she never feel it before? why did she feel things between her and JK from the beginning? what does he mean that Sehun is one of the lucky ones? WHY DIDN'T THEY DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BEFOREHAND?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

at the beginning of the story, the reader had a crush on sehun and actually liked him very much and of course, it was vice versa. during the house party in the kitchen, that was when sehun was going to confess his feelings and the reader would’ve confessed hers if it wasn’t for jungkook, jimin and taehyung crashing the party. the reader had always been linked to sehun, you just never recognised it because of jungkook constantly there and getting in the way :)) and for sehun being one of the lucky ones, it means he’s allowed a second chance at getting a second mate.

strawberry-serendipityyy said: biiiitch

♡♡ ♡♡ ♡♡

anon said: OH MY YOU CANT LEAVE IT THERE IN FREAKING OUT

i’m sorry i love cliffhangers D:

anonymous said: AHHHHHH NOOOOOO

D: D: D:

Anonymous said: Poor Sehun :(((( but I’m still rooting for her and jk :((

i feel bad for sehun too ):

anon said: WHAT? NOOOO I WANT Y/N TO BE WITH JUNGKOOK, I CANT BELIEVE THEY WERE NEVER DESTINED TOGETHER...Man this just made me mad...poor Sehun i cant even imagine knowing the fact that your mate is falling in love with your enemy right in front of you...Jungkook was so selfish...what the hell is going on with all this mess?

i warned you guys, things are not going to be easy (:

anon said: Alright Jungkook is canceled for stealing Sehun's mate, Hana is canceled for leaving Jungkook, Yugyeom is Canceled for stealing Jungkook's mate and last but certainly not least the hunters are canceled because they just are and always will be for the rest of the fic.

ajdkla and the rest need to be protected at all cost

llplangereall said: This is not how I wanted to start my morning 😭💔

i’m sorry D: 

anon said: 😰😰😰😰😰 that last chapter of His oh my

so happy i’ve finally published it! it’s been killing me lmao

anon said: Ahhhhhh 😭 will they be okay?! I’m so scared for jk and y/n!! Wait but how come jk had a bond with Y/N?!?

jungkook had basically attached himself to the reader when he first found her. if you don’t remember, i wrote a scene in one of the chapters where seokjin said that they had already lived in town for 2 months before they had officially met the reader. during those two months, jungkook was watching the reader, finding out everything about her to use that as an advantage. 

anon said: *Taemin voice* I TRUSTED YOU

D: i’m sorry

anon said: Omg kill me

D: D: D:

anon said: W H A T T H E F U C K JUNGKOOK?? I'M SIWJSJWJAJW SHES SEHUNS MATE I'M nOt oKay

*has mcr flashbacks*

anon said: omG im shook by this new chapter...WHAT WAS THAT

something very angsty

gukspoc said: SHE WAS WHOMST NOW

SEHUN THAT’S WHOMST

anon said: OMG HI! Anyway! Before I say anything, I was at work when I got the notification you dropped chapter 28 and I was in tears. I love you and the story so much! And I didn’t know if I wanted to beat Jungkook for doing that or cradle him and protect. It doesn’t all add up, from the beginning she was meant for Sehun? did Jungkook lie about feeling her emotions as well even before he marked her and mated with y/n? Was Anyone else in the pack skeptical about Jungkook’s “second mate”? ♥️♥️

hey (: yup, from the very very very start, the reader had belonged to sehun. jungkook didn’t particularly lie about her emotions, as said in another ask, he attached himself to her so he was capable of feeling such things. all werewolves knew that jungkook wasn’t one of the lucky ones to have a second mate, meaning that they also knew that the reader never belonged to jungkook, so they all just went along with it because they knew how much trouble it would cause.  

anon said: Why would sehun be her mate I’m sad this is so sad

every werewolf is destined with a mate, the reader happened to be his. (: but now sehun turned out to be one of the lucky ones so he has a second mate somewhere.

anon said: Chapter 28!!!!! OHMY!!! Wow okay....how can I be mad at baby boy Jungkook??? He just want to be loved 🤧🤧🤧 but Sehun though damn...you ruined me 😩😩😩

i’m quite happy that you’re feeling for jungkook during this (: he did wanna be loved and he did everything in his power to get that love, meaning that he’d take someone else’s...  but still, honestly, it was a very shitty move. 

anon said: Chapter 28 killed me! I love it so much 😭 i reread the entire story again, and I caught onto some things. Chanyeol saying wolves can mark another’s mate if that person isn’t marked, sehun saying y/n ISN’T his mate but he would really like her to me when he tried to mark her and Jungkook feeling her emotion. If he claimed to be taking y/n away from her “true mate” and he was one of the unlucky wolves to not get a second chance, than how did he felt her emotions and stuff before mating with her😭

i’m happy you’re liking it! chanyeol saying that “wolves can mark another’s mate if that person isn’t marked” was kind of foreshadowing because the reader the was originally the mate of sehun but sehun hadn’t marked her yet and then jungkook did. sehun saying that the reader isn’t his mate was basically playing along and lying, as stated with another ask (: hope that helped your confusion, if you have any more question, send them in :)

[prompt-master]

Michael, Your Gay Is Showing

[solienna]

i was going to be like 'all of them' but that would be mean so instead im 'just' going to ask for 1, 4, 8, 10, 13, 17, 21, 28, 32, 33, 35, 47, 50,

putting this under a readmore bc meander!!! you spoil me

01: When did you first start writing?      okay i actually am gonna give you two answers to this question bc i feel like i started writing at two periods in my life. the first time i actually started writing was in third grade because i had like. the BEST third grade teacher, he was awesome and in my eyes was like, the best artist i had ever met just bc he had a basic grasp of how to draw shit and i absolutely didn’t and still don’t, every time teachers tell me to draw things for an assignment i lose ten years off my lifespan but anyways!! off topic. he really encouraged creativity and i was in a class with one of my friends, his name was like john or michael or something, and i would write and he would illustrate (i thought he was the second-best artist i had ever met just bc he also had a basic grasp on drawing and i still didn’t). i wrote about like. this dog and his name was super yuff and got his powers through lightning that struck him and he just flew around and like. idk he did a lot of shit, i still have the stories i wrote. but like i was DEDICATED to this character and so was my illustrator friend. i remember one weekend i was just sitting on my bed with a bunch of folded up printer paper just writing about this dumb superhero dog that somehow ended up in like the halo universe bc even back then i was obsessed with video games. that was the first thing i actually WROTE.         HOWEVER. after third grade i just took a huge break. like not intentionally, of course. i loved writing but i didn’t know it was my THING yet. i didn’t really have a thing yet, it was only third grade ok. HOWEVER. when i transitioned into middle school that’s when i picked up writing again. i don’t even remember why. all i know was that my dad had bought skyrim and he was playing it and just by watching it i LOVED it. i adored the history behind the game and i just loved the graphics, and when i started playing the game i got HOOKED. stayed up entire nights just doing random side quests for npcs and feeling a huge goddamn hero, let me save this talking dog from the wrath of his daedric master nbd, just doing my job, let me set all these beehives on fire and get mauled by a bear, cool cool. and one day i just? was like wow, why don’t i write a story about it! about my skyrim OC going to solstheim and falling in love with the aloof nd really sarcastic and interesting teldryn sero (who still remains one of my favorite skyrim npcs to this day)!! and i thought i was Hot Shit too, i thought i fucking invented fanfiction. and then i found wattpad and then that was that folks, i got hooked on writing all over again and i still am

04: Have you ever thrown a book across the room?      mmmm not that i can recall? i’m not really a book-thrower, i’m more of a book-holder. like if something really shocking happens in a book i feel like i’d be more likely to hug it close to my chest than throw it08: What’s the best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten?      tbh pretty much everything you’ve told me meander!! i don’t really think i’d be writing that much if not for you. honestly you flatter me on a daily basis with your compliments about my really pretentious use of metaphors in like every single paragraph and basically just with your interest in all of my writing projects even for fandoms you’re not technically in!! i’ve never really been told by anyone that i’ve got a way with words and when you told me that i was like wow!! people actually like the shit i write, that’s cool! that’s real cool my guy10: What’s your biggest writer pet-peeve?      honestly i THRIVE on feedback. i took a huge writing break like a few years ago just because i couldn’t WRITE the way i used to. to just sit down and spew out 5000 word chapters on a whim wasn’t something i could feasibly DO anymore. i thought i lost my touch or something but it was honestly just because i didn’t get enough feedback. again shout out to u meander because you legit FLOODED me with feedback on like. everything. i’m still over the moon about half the shit you’ve told me like a year ago. tbh half the reason i yell in the tags is because creators read the tags!! they really do!! so i wanna leave some positive feedback for them because i want them to know that i liked whatever it was that they made!!

13: What’s your favorite writing quote?       it’s not really a writing quote but!! “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.” -C.S. Lewis21: Do you outline?      i honestly burst out laughing when i saw this question, i do not in any way whatsoever outline anything bc apparently i hate myself. ok the last time i outlined a story was like four years ago and it worked…. really well…… so for some reason i was like wow how about we not make our lives easier. no outlining our fics we ruin our own writing projects like men

28: Which do you find hardest: the beginning, the middle, or the end?      everything, everything is hard, i can’t write in a linear fashion. nah but tbh i feel like it’s the middle? like what do you even do. what is the middle all about. i’ve never met her32: How do you feel about friends and close relatives reading your work?      ABSOLUTELY NOT. get them away. i am very protective of my writing bc it’s personal to me. like i don’t want y’all reading my shit and then going up to me in real life thinking you know all my secrets bc if u read my shit you WILL know all my secrets, i painstakingly pour my heart into everything i write because in everything i do, i try REALLY REALLY hard. if i let u read my writing it’s a show of trust33: Are you interested in having your work published?      in its current state? probably not!! maybe later on down the road would be nice, but i’ve still got a lot to learn //side-eyes all my failed attempts at witty dialogue35: What’s your favorite time of day for writing?      nighttime. like dead of the night, i’m in bed with my phone and should be asleep right now but instead i’m gonna grab my laptop and fucking dump out all the words in my brain onto this word document. other than that i honestly just write during school a lot? like when we get free time i’m either studying for a test or writing.47: If you could steal one character from another author and make then yours, who would it be and why?      i want to take preston garvey out of bethesda’s hands. i’ve fallen in love with him over the course of just writing one scene for his character study. it’s the second-to-last scene (bc i cant write in linear order) and like. gosh. i want him to be my character, he’s so sad but also so optimistic and he tries so hard. ok those kinds of characters are my Type, i love characters who try really hard 

50: If you could live in any fictional world, which would it be?      i’m honestly not really sure? like hardcore i love daydreaming but it’s never about myself doing cool things, it’s about characters doing cool things. i kinda wanna meet an omnic tho, they seem really chill. maybe like live in falkreath? it’s really chill and pretty there and the mountains are really looming and i like that. imagine meeting the dragonborn and they buy out your entire store and then just leave. thats fucking crazy my guy