#if tumblr flags this as something i will actually lose it

[valentjin]

i regret (?) to inform you that. yurgir. is massively caked

[renthony]

For a long time, I was flagged green in Shinigami Eyes on every single social media platform I use, including my personal website. I was green on tumblr for ages.

I lost the green flag on tumblr, and in fact got flagged red for a little while, a few days after I made a big post disagreeing with other trans people on lateral aggression and intra-community issues. I can't remember the exact post, because it was a couple years ago by this point, but I do remember that I never lost my green flag on other platforms, just tumblr. At some point I guess enough people helped out that I wasn't red for very long, but I never regained my green flag.

I basically can't trust Shinigami Eyes anymore, because so many people have been mis-flagged over intra-community discourse instead of people using it as an actual tool for trans safety from bigots.

It fucking sucks. And while I know I could flag myself green personally, it just doesn't seem worth it when I can apparently lose the green flag over something like "be an intersex trans person and have trans opinions in a way that some (not all! because we're not a fucking monolith! SOME!) other trans people don't agree with."

Why are we using tools for trans safety as tools of trans infighting? This shit sucks. Stop it. You're ruining the tool and making it completely useless.

I don't appreciate being flagged with the exact same "this person is dangerous" tool that's used on people who would gladly kill me and my family.

[lowkeyrobin]

MCYT ; they have a very obvious crush on you

includes ; tommyinnit, ranboo, badlinu, & quackity

warnings ; language

y/s/n = your ship name

masterlist

TOMMYINNIT

constantly donates / talks through tts when you're streaming alone

TommyInnit donated $10!

"Tommy, stop giving me money, just use TTS"

only uses tts when you tell him to each and every time, it's routine

if he's streaming when you compliment him, chat always points out his red face to both of you

"shut up chat! I'm not blushing. you guys suck"

after a while he gets invested in the shipping

"if I open wattpad and don't see three new y/s/n fics I'm gonna lose my shit, guys"

"Tommy, Tommy, check ao3"

"I found one and it actually looks good!"

reading fanfics on stream (with permission of course and being light on the jokes and whatnot)

you and Tommy make your own fanfic too

he gets your friends to read it on their streams too 💀💀💀

literally every bit he writes is something he wants to do with you

such a hopeless romantic

RANBOO

always doing you favors

never saying no to you

"yes sir/maam!"

always donos on your streams while speed running or playing horror games to tell you good luck

it rlly isn't a stream wo one of their donos istg

chat always asking where he is during one of said streams

editors go CRAZY with the misfits vlogs & tom simons vlogs with you two in them

the chemistry???

you react to / watch each sorry boys episode on stream when they come out

editors go crazy with your compliments to ranboo

they do too 😭😭

giggling and kicking their feet cause they're so funny to you

he's literally head over heels bruh

gives u free merch and stuff

FREDDIE BADLINU

he's usually nice/full of compliments but he's so extra with you

claims it's for the bit

lets you dye his hair

ylyl streams with him constantly LMAO

he wrote your name on his bi flag for some reason??? when you ask about it he just says "why not?" and you shrug it off

always helping you pick out clothes and shit when thrifting/shopping

always has to find a pair of sunglasses for you I swear

constantly asks his viewers to edit you guys

it's become a part of your relationship where he clearly has a crush on you but you can't tell if it's for the bit or if he's serious so you never say anything

the tom simons vlogs w you guys go hard

especially the ylyl irl with ran, tommy, charlie, james, and billzo

same with the ylyl american version w jack, tommy, james, harry, etc

editors and fanfic writers have field days with those

just straight up making out as "friends" for the bit????

even Tommy is confused and he's been supporting Freddie through the dumb shit he's been doing

supports the fanfics

he honestly reads them

if you catch him doing so he says he's just interested and he might read it on stream for funnies

QUACKITY

"accidently" sends you free merch nearly every drop

qsmp streams are never complete without you guys flirting or going on a date

basically old karlnapity but you guys on the qsmp

qsmp y/s/n streams go so hard, they're literally the best

cellbit, roier, and jaiden officiating your fake wedding

qsmp y/s/n edits and fanart went crazy

youre like "guys no fanfics or edits of y/s/n, only if hes comfortable with it, I don't want you guys to weird him out"

and hes begging people to make the fanfics, the fanart, the everything

daily tweets of "guys send me more y/s/n fanart" or "any good y/s/n fanfic recommendations??"

cellbit always replies to those tweets with some long ass dictionary ass response to fuck with you two

fitmc of all people makes you guys a little tumblr oneshot.

[serial-unaliver]

hey,hi was wondering what you think of paraphiles as paraphilias are technically mental disorders.

i've been letting this ask cook in my inbox long enough so fuck it controversy time.

personally I disagree with the classification of paraphilias as mental disorders, the hallmark of a disorder is impairment to daily functioning, so unless you're like, screaming crying trying not to commit sex crimes or something identifying it as a disorder only contributes to the idea that "illness" is just differing from the norm mentally or sexually. and as someone who has had that mindset used as an excuse for medical abuse and got told by a therapist I could become a sex offender, I do not appreciate it.

also, I absolutely hate that people refuse to be honest about what they're talking about when they say "paraphilia". that's such a vague classification. technically a foot fetish is considered a paraphilia but people would typically not associate it with the term. so what do you mean by paraphile? if you're talking about the 'bad' paraphilias (as most people use the term for) simply having a paraphilia does not make someone a bad person. its not really something you can get rid of..i've talked about this once but my bio dad had some quite disturbing paraphilias and I still blame him as a person for the abuse rather than some sort of sexual desire because abuse is a choice anyone can make and the idea that you abuse because you just 'can't control' sexuality is also a dangerous one used in defense of abusers.

now, no one asked for this specific take but I believe most people on here claiming to be paraphiles have acquired the tumblr version of how a paraphilia is interpreted and do not actually have the paraphilia, which is why there's paraphilia pride flags and shit. now all of this would not exist if I hit you with a laser beam that prevented you from typing the word 'paraphilia' so you actually have to clarify wtf you're even referring to. i'd get more personal regarding my own sexuality on the topic but I don't feel like losing followers. so i'll just say..you wouldn't last a day in the asylum where they raised me😩

[riririnnnn]

Can we talk about him?

Oh god this sweet springchild deserves so much more love than what Fandom gives him.

It's only been, I guess, a month of me joining Tumblr, so I can't say what you all think here, but as far as I've seen in other places, I got to say that he is hated/trolled for no reason at all.

Yuki would've been a green flag, scratch that, he would've been the greenest forest if he were a real person.

I understand that

THIS

is one of the first manga panels we got of him, and yeah, I agree that he feels like that one annoying teacher's pet in our classes, but considering the environment of BLLK and the fact that they all literally have their soccer career in line, I don't think so that he did anything wrong. Besides, he didn't try to put anyone down, he is only asking for a reason.

Then we have this panel:

It seems annoying again, but considering his backstory, both the above panels start to make a lot of sense.

To be honest, even without his backstory, the above panel was justifiable since Noa himself said that he judges by number and if Yuki has a better number data then obvi-fucking-ously he has the right to ask such a question.

Also, why we don't talk more about his backstory?

Do you all understand how devastating it is to lose a dream all because of a situation or a circumstance that is completely beyond your control? Imagine working hard for something only to lose it all just because of something that you did literally nothing to deserve.

Further, he had it easy as a model you know. In a country where the average male height is 5'7'', his 6'0^½'' height is surely a great advantage, yet he decided to fight for his dream. How cool is that!

Also, sometimes, I think that if Isagi were not to be the protagonist, then how bitch-y everyone would've considered him.

Like,

WHAT THE HELL, MY BOY!?

I understand that he didn't know about his medical condition but still!?

In their argument in the changing room, I do think that both of them were right in their own way: Blue Lock was literally made for strikers, and, at least according to BLLK ideal, what type of striker passes to someone else!? And seeing things from Isagi's perspective, he did the right thing!

And I also think that Chris was a big bitch for blocking Yuki's goal like that and top of that, also calling it/him pathetic.

Why is he posing like he just solved the global food crisis? Like, what the fuck, my man? That boy hasn't even completed his teenage years, HAUL YOUR OLD WRINKLY ASS OUTTA THERE!

And after that Isagi passes him a goal too and yada yada, but Yuki acknowledged it right away. He also came to apologise and accepted his mistakes.

Just look, look, LOOK!

How sweet he looks. Like a pathetic wet cat. Oh lord! I want to protect him.

And do not dare to come at me by saying, "IsAgi ofFeReD hiM a pLaN bUt wHeN hE aSSisTeD hiM yUki acCePTEd iT."

Like bro, first of all, shut up. Second of all, imagine being in the soccer field and someone passes you the ball, what are you going to do? Run the other direction or something? Brah, Blue Lock taught the boys to be egoistical not stupid.

Just stop hating him.

.

.

.

One time when I was thinking about Yukimiya's headcanons, I was like, "He might actually be blind one day, so I think he is learning sign language."

Then after a long pause I was like

...oh

[luciferfemme]

LESBIAN ASKS: the SHE-QUEL (messy edition?)

What are some real thoughts about the community that you don’t always feel like you can say?

Are you a messy dyke (relationship-wise or friendship-wise?)

Are you a UHaul Lesbian? If so is this something you like or dislike about yourself?

Do you fall in love easily?

Do you enjoy casual sex?

Have you ever fallen for a best friend?

Have you ever fallen for a straight girl?

Whose aesthetic would you like to steal?

At one Tumblr user and tell them something nice

Do you think you could be happy alone?

Do you like tacky things?

How has your style and taste changed since you came out?

Have you ever dated a man and what was that experience like?

Tell me about your significant other. Now’s your time to gush.

Have you ever had a best friend that you HATED their partner? Did you tell them?

Do you think you have good taste in partners? (Be Honest)

Do you feel comfortable around straight people?

What’s your favorite part about pride?

What’s the gayest thing you’ve ever done (that isn’t like actually “gay”?)

Who is your role model?

What is your relationship like with your parent(s)?

Did you lose friends coming out?

Tell me a gay secret.

What advice would you give to those just coming out (baby gays?)

If you could excommunicate one LGBTQIA+ person from the community who would it be and why?

What is your favorite part about being a lesbian (and you can’t just say, women)

What is your favorite line of Sapphic poetry (not necessarily written by Sappho herself just in general)

What was your Aha moment regarding your sexuality?

What was a sign you should have recognized sooner that you were gay?

Did you have any celebrity crushes growing up? 

Tell me your idea of the most romantic date you could imagine? Have you ever been on it?

What’s your favorite lesbian joke (you cannot say yourself)

What is your favorite lesbian love story (real or fiction)

Who do you most admire?

Write a love letter without using the words love, beautiful, or handsome

What is a piece of media you wish existed but doesn’t?

We all have terrible opinions sometimes, what’s something you had a bad opinion about but you’ve grown on?

Have you told yourself you are fabulous, beautiful, handsome, lovable, worthy today?

Tell me about your bestie

At someone on Tumblr and tell me your favorite thing about them.

At someone on Tumblr and describe their style without using the word -core.

How do you feel about the word dyke?

Could you fall in love with someone from the internet who didn’t leave near you? Have you?

Tell me about an embarrassing story regarding love or relationships

What’s one thing you wish people understood about lesbians?

How would you describe your own style (without using the word -core)

How do you really feel about Valentine’s Day?

Favorite ally?

If you could only pick one item of clothing/makeup/footwear/jewelry to wear forever from the items you already own what would it be and why? (Bonus points if you include a photo)

What gives you absolute joy as a lesbian?

Say something nice about yourself.

If not on anon say something nice about the person who sent you this ask.

Do you enjoy Pride?

What is your type?

What are you looking for in a partner?

If you could manifest one thing for yourself this year what would it be?

Who makes you feel joy?

How do you feel about the lesbian flag?

What is your favorite color combination?

What creature do you align yourself with? (Vampires, werewolves, witches, etc)

What would bring you joy at this moment?

What would "fix you"?

Who did you want to be when you grew up?

Do you ever want to get married if you're not already?

Are you a plant gay? Show off your plants or tell me about your favs.

What is your favorite fantasy (sexual or not)

Who comes to mind immediately when I say lesbian icon?

Who comes to mind immediately when I say lesbian trash?

Besides teleportation what's one superpower you think would make your life better and why?

[blorbortion]

happy pride month!

i figured its as good a time as any for me to finally post my gay book recs 😌

theyre overwhelmingly YA as im a young adult and thats what ive been reading, but im widening my horizons, so stay tuned for more mature entries! ill be updating this list as i read more gay lit.

WLW 4 or 5 out of 5 stars

- She Drives Me Crazy by Kelly Quindlen (les/bi, enemies to lovers, sports, set in high school, YA)

- The Falling in Love Montage by Ciara Smyth (great writing, appealing characters and authentic chemistry, i think les/les, YA)

- Not My Problem by Ciara Smyth (also amazing, also les/les, has heavier themes, YA)

- Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo (historical - 1950s, asian american sanfran culture, butch/femme, YA, deserves its popularity. do Not read the spin off its not worth it)

- Cinderella is Dead by Kalynn Bayron (fairytale retelling, feminist focus, les/les, YA)

- This Poison Heart + This Wicked Fate by Kalynn Bayron (urban fantasy, bi/les? i think, poisonous plants, greek mythology, two books, YA)

- How to Excavate a Heart by Jake Maia Arlow (les/les, YA, lots of "reclaimed" slurs, lots of secondhand embarrassment, but if you wanted something seasonal for winter here you go - its not bad!)

- A Spindle Splintered + A Mirror Mended by Alix E. Harrow (fairy tales, lesbian mc, other wlw side characters, fun and short, written for tumblr and its obvious, sometimes depressingly real)

- This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amar El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone (time traveling, enemies to lovers, short chapters, tries to be poetic and sometimes it succeeds sometimes it doesnt)

- Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield (horrors of the ocean, it doesnt get better - no happy ending, still beautiful though)

- Salt Slow by Julia Armfield (women-focused horror short stories antology, i would call it bisexual moreso than lesbian, definitely worth a read)

- Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flag (a story that takes decades and focuses on many characters, two of the most prominent are in a same-sex relationship, lovely and bittersweet at times)

- The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall (set in the early 20th century and quite sad, a very relatable story of a gnc lesbian woman growing up and living as an "invert", looking for her place in the world)

- Affinity by Sarah Waters (historical - late 19th century - mystery, set in a large part in a women's prison, mc suffers from depression, spiritualism is a strong theme)

- Everyone in This Room Will Someday Be Dead by Emily Austin (contemporary litfic about a depressed lesbian with severe anxiety, a tough read if you relate but SO good, and against all odds it has a happy ending)

MLM 4 or 5 out of 5 stars

- If This Gets Out by Sophie Gonzalez and Kale Dietrich (gay/bi?, YA, secret dating, two boysband members, alternating perspectives)

- Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall (fake dating, cringe but somehow fun when you get into it, very organic writing)

- Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston (gay/bi, YA, enemies to lovers, actually fun!, better than the movie^tm, a bit cringe with the ~progressive~ lines and fanficky moments)

- Time to Shine by Rachel Reid (gay/bi, sports romance, there were so many beds and still they chose to sleep in one together, very fun + funny)

- Icebreaker by A. L. Graziadei (bi/gay, rivals to lovers, YA, sports romance, a little internet-y at times, theres a side poly relationship)

- More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera (NOT a romance, super depressing, a lot of deep homophobia, but also beautiful. i gave it 5/5 on goodreads, YA)

- Masters of Death by Olivie Blake (a fun urban fantasy with a large, found-familyish cast, some slight Harry Potter references and a lot of humor and existential pondering, lovers to strangers to enemies to lovers, bi?/bi)

- All For The Game series by Nora Sakavic (gay/bi m/m, such a guilty pleasure but its SO good, its like a sports anime but 1. the sport is made up 2. its actually gay 3. theres the mafia involved??, very early 2010s with how edgy it is but its worth it i promise. a LOT of trigger warnings though, if its important to you - CHECK THEM BEFOREHAND)

honorable mentions that arent very gay focused but are very good

- If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio (campus novel/dark academia, the m/m is mostly subtext, heavy style of writing but so worth it, shakespeare abound, please read it)

- Graveyard Shift by M.L. Rio (a halloween-y mystery novella about rats, mushrooms, academia and journalism, a Very Slight f/f element but its enough for me to put it here)

- The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater (YA, fantasy, literally so good, not much of the m/m romance but when it happens it HAPPENS, 5/5 im obsessed with this series)

- The Tusks of Extinction by Ray Nayler (a short sci-fi novel about bringing mammoths back, multiple povs, one of those is focused on a gay couple - which is irrelevant to the story but i loved the book so im using this opportunity to promote it)

- When Among Crows by Veronica Roth (polish folklore inspired urban fantasy, a 3 person found family, very short (160 pages) and reads quickly, if youre polish yourself though be prepared for cringing - language errors abound, a little m/m)

- Several People Are Typing by Calvin Kasulke (a short epistolary novel about a guy with an office job whose soul got sucked into the Slack app. written entirely in Slack messages. VERY funny, quite thought-provoking and at times beautiful! has a small sprinkling of m/m)

less than 4 out of 5 stars but i read them so ill state my opinion anyways

- A Scatter of Light by Malinda Lo (YA, wlw - bi/les, great writing boring story, gnc lesbian compared to a boy later revealed to identify as nonbinary, homophobic slurs "reclaimed", cheating, unfinished sideplots)

- Ash by Malinda Lo (YA, wlw, bi/les i think, fairytales, fantasy, uncomfortable het age gap, moral of the story - love triumphs all)

- The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun (YA, mlm, gay/gay?, lots of awkward internet popculture references, slurs, writing mostly fun and engaging but at times felt like an educational PSA)

- The Coldest Touch by Isabel Sterling (YA, wlw, les/bi, marketed as lesbian Twilight - do not be fooled, the author is weird abt race too though, the romance isnt really fleshed out)

- These Violent Delights by Micah Nemerever (mlm, an attempt at dark academia, the start was interesting but then it turned into disgusting fetishization of violence in a gay relationship, written by a tif and you can tell)

- Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney (the mc is bi and her best friend is a lesbian, the characters are all awful, it kinda felt lesbophobic at times but i dont have proof)

- Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating by Adiba Jaigirdar (wlw, YA, as you can guess fake dating, also rivals to lovers iirc?, its nice but just didnt catch my attention much)

- A Million to One by Adiba Jaigirdar (wlw, YA, a heist on the Titanic, i dont know why i keep giving this author a chance, you need to suspend your disbelief so much its inadvisable for atheists to read it)

- Honeymoon for One by Rachel Bowdler (winter holiday romance, les/bi ("pan"), lots of grief and conflict and not enough of the romance developing, so many awful mothers??)

- Running With Lions by Julian Winters (YA, mlm bi/gay, the writing isnt that good, a bit of misogyny)

- Don't Want You Like a Best Friend/More Than a Best Friend by Emma R. Alban (victorian era les/les romance, a very light read - dont expect a historical drama, theres a large focus on other m/f pairings. warning: lowkey step-sibling "incest" - read the book description)

- You're the Problem, It's You by Emma R. Alban (sequel to the previous position, victorian era mlm gay/gay romance, dont expect historical accuracy here)

- You're Not Supposed to Die Tonight by Kalynn Bayron (wlw YA slasher horror with supernatural elements, the final girl trope plays a big role, i dont read horror often but this one is not good even though i like the author)

- The Magic Between by Stephanie Hoyt (gay/bi mlm, main character with OCD, an interesting though maybe overdone magic system, overall though just a goofy tumblr romance - nothing special, but good fun)

- The Nightmare Before Kissmas by Sara Raasch (bi/? mlm, holidays with magical royal families, romcom but not a lot of the rom - you can tell the author usually writes fantasy and not romance, fun and silly but nothing amazing)

sekcja polska 🇵🇱

- Noce za nocami i Noce aż po wieczność autorstwa Małgorzaty Wilk (wampiry w Warszawie, pierwsza książka homo m/m druga bi w/m - ale oryginalna parka nadal na pierwszym planie, dużo drugoplanowych postaci lgb i innych par jednopłciowych, nie ma żadnych slurów ani praktycznie nic o trans, lekki i bardzo zabawny styl, bardzo przyjemna dylogia)

- Zanim dojrzeją granaty autorstwa Rene Karabasz (bułgarska powieść o specyficznym stylu, główna bohaterka jest lesbijką i albańską burneszą - zaprzysiężoną dziewicą)

- Pawilon małych ssaków autorstwa Patryka Pufelskiego (pamiętnik geja wyłoniony jako najlepszy w konkursie na pamiętniki osób LGB/T przez co został wydany oddzielnie od reszty, świetnie napisany, bardzo prawdziwy i wzruszający)

- Krew, która nas dzieli autorstwa Edyty Prusinowskiej (główna bohaterka jest bi, jest też istotna postać lesbijki która gra hetero femme fatale ale jest ciekawa, YA, wampiry, fajna lekka lektura, szybko się czyta)

- Córki tamtych wiedźm i Prawdziwe wiedźmy autorstwa Weroniki Łodygi (dylogia wlw, les/les?, middle grade, mało romansu w pierwszej części, Hogwart ale polski i tylko dla dziewczyn, główny wątek rozwija się dość późno)

- Lato w pionierskiej chuście autorstwa Kateriny Silvanovnej i Eleny Malisovej (m/m o gejach na pionierskim obozie w ZSRR, spoko koncept ale słabe wykonanie, diabelsko potrzebuje redakcji)

[iluvshinytwink]

heyy so i have a rq bc god save me your angst writings are the best ✨

i was wondering if you could write a lil fic abt Jude where he cheats on the reader and she finds out via social media and then she breaks things off and he's super broken and stuff and he all of a sudden remembers all the happy memories and the ending is bittersweet and there's no fluff except for the memories? like the ending is super sad?

you're writing is actually the best i've read in tumblr like girl publish a book already 😍

Lovefool - Jude Bellingham

"Dear I fear we're facing a problem. You love me no longer, I know and maybe there's nothing that I can do, to make you do."

Now Playing . . . Lovefool by The Cardigans

It's crazy how a few hours night out could break your relationship with someone/ The mind makes you do things, your body makes you do things, your emotions make you do things you know deep down in your heart you'll regret when you wake up in the morning. And yet you still do it.

Jude went out with his teammates to celebrate a huge win for their season. You declined Jude's offer to accompany him and he accepted your refusal with a small smile.

You remember bidding your boyfriend goodbye as he stepped into his car, waving your hand with a smile.

"Be back before 2." you said. Jude pops his head out his window with a smile. "Okay, ma." Jude said jokingly.

You went back in the house as the car drove away from the driveway and the hours ticked to what would be the end of your relationship.

You woke up in your bed as usual, the air around you felt awkwardly cold. Your head turns beside you and the side of your bed was left empty. The sheets you didn't hog and you reserved for your boyfriend was still there, clean and untouched. A red flag went off in your mind. Something was wrong but you didn't know whether to panic or stay calm.

Your hand reaches for your cellphone. Your lockscreen was filled with notifications. Twitter and Instagram quickly filled your notifications. Your eyebrows knit in confusion.

You clicked on one of the notifications and it leads you to Twitter where a video plays.

In the video, the atmosphere was dark and the only source of lights were artificial lights coloring red, blue, and yellow. The camera shakes and the music was loud. The camera then pans to a man, a man you knew all too well. A man that you found was your boyfriend.

Jude's hand was secured on the girl's neck as the camera's flash helped you see that Jude and this girl's lips were connecting.

Your heart dropped and a lump crawled up your throat. Your head spun as you tried to contain your thoughts. You felt sick. The video kept playing and your hand instinctively threw the phone into the bed.

Your hand touched your mouth as tears quickly fell from your eyes. You sobbed into your hand. Your body shook.

Did he love you no longer? Did he drop signs that you were too love-sick to see?

Did he lose feelings whilst you clung onto them?

That wasn't Jude, that couldn't be Jude. You thought to yourself as more tears brimmed your eyes.

Suddenly, you hear the front door open. Your heart dropped once more.

Why would he do this to me, to himself? You thought.

Footsteps began ascending the stairs. Your teeth bit into the palm of your hand as you tried to think of something, anything but the video you just saw.

What were you going to do? Turn a blind eye and act like you saw nothing? Or face him for what he did wrong and risk losing the person you spent loving for all these years?

Before you could conclude to your final answer a figure appears on your bedroom door.

Jude.

Your stomach twisted into knots and you felt sick once more. Jude looked at you with a tired and sympathetic expression.

He knew what he did.

And by the tears streaming down your face, you did too.

Your hand removes from your mouth, Jude feels his heart breaking away.

You stood up with shaky legs.

"Why?" you whispered. Jude's hand began accumulating sweat as his heart began beating out of his chest.

He asked himself the same thing. Why? Why did he do this to you? After years he had loved you unconditionally, why?

"I'm sorry." he croaked, tears of his own slipping down his cheek.

Your legs walked toward him. You didn't know what to do, what to think. You loved Jude, you did. But did he love you back after what he had done to you?

"I thought you loved me." you whispered, looking into his eyes. "I do, baby. I love you so much." he whispered, his hand shaking. He wanted to hug you, to kiss you. But he knew dee down you wouldn't kiss back. He knew that if he kissed your lips, your lips were loyal to him, and his weren't.

His eyes were glossed with tears and feelings. Emotions that you could only describe as pity and sadness. But those were the eyes you longed to look at everyday. The eyes which you loved. The eyes that once looked at you with nothing but adoration.

You wanted to find in the depths of your heart any sympathy you had to forgive him because you wanted to believe that he truly did love you. His lips were yours even if his lips kissed another.

"You don't mean that." you hissed. "If you did, you wouldn't have done that to me." you looked at Jude in his eyes once more. His eyes broke underneath yours. Your eyes were glossy from old and new tears and it was because of him.

"I'm sorry." Jude whispered, his hand nearing to touch your shoulder which your hand quickly flicked away. "Don't." you said lowly.

You slipped out the bedroom door, quickly making your way down the stairs leaving Jude by himself and his thoughts.

There was nothing you could do. If he had fallen out of love, you would accept that. If you spent your years loving him for all of that to be thrown away in a night, you would accept that. If you could accept the fact that the lips you thought were yours and yours alone, you could.

Minutes pass and Jude hears the door slams shut.

Jude looks down on the ground, tears falling.

Memories quickly surge his mind.

Never again would he hold your hands when he was nervous, happy, or sad. Never would he hear your laughter that echoed throughout his mind every time he heard it. Never would he see the smile that made his heart ache. And never would he hear the heartbeat that once beated for him and only him.

The eyes that once looked at him lovingly with nothing but love, looked at him with hatred. The lips that brought words of affirmation and affection spat venom and acid.

The heart that mended his own, he broke.

[weabooweedwitch]

Most women your age are getting married and starting their families and you've never even had a bf 🤡 it's so over for you better get used to coping with ur crippling loneliness with maladaptive daydreaming, yandere asmr videos, drugs and self-insert fanfic because that's all you'll ever have now. Your youth is gone and you're still fat af even after you lost weight (probably gained it all back by now lmao). You could have made something of urself whem you were 20 by losing weight and going to college but instead you laid around and wasted all of your youth and now it's too late. No man will ever want to deal with your baggage of being poor, old, unwanted, uneducated (lmao how do I have more education than you and I'm 10 years younger? dumbass doesnt even have her GED), cringey age-inappropriate hobbies, mentally ill and not even having the decency to go to therapy and take meds, fat, ugly face, loser and loner with no irl friends, crazy family, looking old for your age, whored yourself out on a sugar daddy website, rotten teeth due to your own laziness, thinning frizzy hair and gross bulky glasses, drug addicted alcoholic who's probably going to be homeless for the majority of her life, mean person attacking minor aged rape victims like jesus christ you're so fucking worthless SO many red flags so much baggage no-one will ever want to deal with that. You don't even know how worthless you are

You know, every time you send me a message like this, I think of the person from your friend group who came forward a while back. You know, the one you don't like to acknowledge tried to apologize on your behalf. Anyways, every time you insult my appearance I just think of what your friend said

So i get it sweetie, youre mad at mommy and daddy and you're lashing out. That's why half the time you're repeating things i previously said back to me and parroting shallow insults with a very small vocabulary. The second i call you fatherless, you call me fatherless. I use thw word maladaptive and, suddenly you know that word too and juat HAVE to use it as well. I get it. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

You're honestly just making yourself look so pitiable. You realize you've already painted yourself as such a dumb jackass that every single time you do this I basically just laugh and ignore you, and then people who know me and are friends or WANT TO be friends with me see how you treat me publicly and they all say "yeah wow who's this absolutely demonic little cunt acting like this without any reason". Like. What is the end goal here. Making yourself look as petty and stupid as possible. Meanwhile, what did someone else in your friend group say? The ones you lied to? Including Callie, the actual victim whose trauma you're basically trying to appropriate for yourself

Anyways yeah I just wanted to like show you the actual screenshots of the conversation I had with your friend back in June, which also to everyone else, yeah June, that's when she lied to her own friends and said she would stop doing this. She lied to her friends because all of them told her this was making them massively uncomfortable, so now she's. Being an internet troll in secret behind their backs 😂 they were going to tattle on you to your mom so you lied so they wouldn't check tumblr anymore because you're such a weird angry little freak that this has become a hobby for you

I'm sad? I'M sad? I don't even know your fucking name meanwhile you've scrolled through all of my blogs repeatedly for months cataloging details about me for the sheer purpose of trying to poorly insult me.

Like genuinely 90% of the reason I'm answering this is to basically wave a flag saying "hey everyone if you've ever seen or received weird asks of photoshopped porn of me or pictures of my actual family taken from their facebooks or saw the transphobic racist fake dating profile she made with one of my selfies or you ever received a bitch lasagna or Zalgo text, it was this cringey little lolcow right here"

But I also wanted to show you screenshot proof that you make your own friends super uncomfortable and that they started talking about your personal business to defend me over you. So. Yeah I guess that stings huh?

[grey-lark]

Hey! Just a wellness check up. You haven’t been around much in awhile. I hope you’re doing okay. 🙂

Hi! Thanks so much for checking in - it really does mean a lot that people are sticking around despite me being so inactive.

I'm honestly I bit torn between 'that's TMI' and people should be honest about their mental health to answer this, but I've had a few drinks so I think I'm gonna go with the second.

Overall I'm fine! But I have been in a "funk" for a while. And I really thought it was just a "funk". I lost my hyperfixation for Stranger Things, but I wasn't worried because these things come and go and the second part of S4 disappointed me anyways.

But then I started losing other interests, then I realized that nothing was really replacing them. So while I was doing fine, I was also just doing fine. I wasn't going out or taking any real initiative in anything.

After talking with people close to me I realized this was a ~symptom~ and realized that I could be, and deserved to be, more than fine. (Sorry, Indigo Girls) I also realized that dropping my creative writing - something I was super invested in and passionate about - was actually a big red flag.

Good news is I connected with a psychiatrist and am in the process of making an appointment to actually go in and discuss/diagnosis what's going on and get started on tailoring a medicine and therapy course.

Super sorry to sort of dump all this here, I've tagged it as 'personal' if this something you'd rather avoid. I totally get that - I also tend to be of the opinion I just want to know writing stuff from people I follow for writing. But I also wanted to be transparent and give people an update on what's going on and why there's been this huge dead zone in communication.

(Also, maybe I'm journaling/screaming into the void a little bit. It is tumblr after all.)

Thanks again to everyone whose stuck around this long - you are all awesome, and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate how supportive you all have been!

[kindalikerackham]

The Black Sails Drama Highlights™️

Like, what the fuck happened over there?

Lucky for you, I was there on the ground floor (even sent in some propaganda that elicited a truly baffling response from the poll runner) because I'm a nut for goofy little tumblr polls and a nut for best little lesser-known-tv-show Black Sails.

Alright, so. @/pirate-battle (from here on out referred to as OP -- the Original Pollster) was running, as one might expect, a pirate bracket. At first glance, it wasn't explicitly presented what the criteria were, so people voted on their preference, often moving along pirate icons (Hook from Muppet Treasure Island)/characters from active fandoms (TAZ), etc etc you know the drill. (Although they later clarified they were looking for favorites, not the "best pirate.")

OP's first mistake, I think, was the assumption that a silly goofy little tumblr competition about characters archetypically ungovernable would remain silly goofy and with minimal strong language.

But this wouldn't become visible until they made their second mistake, creating a first-round poll between James 'brutually murdered a crewmate in the first episode solely to maintain power for his revenge-quest against England' Flint of Black Sails vs Stede 'notable used tissue' Bonnet of OFMD. They did recognize some of the coming danger even with that post, tagging "#I predict slaughter in the tags"

O Apollo, strike down these children with prophecies that bite them in the a--

Anyway. Predictably, there was slaughter in the tags. Violent language rather typical of the tumblr that I came from (the tumblr of the early 2010s), but seemed to be utterly shocking to some OFMD fans.

Exposition time: It should be noted here that there exists at least two-ish different kinds of users of tags. Those that use them to scream personal thoughts into the void and/or whispers into their mutuals' ears, and those sneaky little fools who will peruse everyone's personal little screams/thoughts to their internet buddies. And original posters are relegated to suffer the yelling/whispers without choice.

So that slaughter, in the tags, those rivers of blood through the whispers of a fervent fanbase of a violent and freeing queer show, did reverberate around other users, regardless of etiquette.

And for some of those very sweet very uwu our flag means gay fans, that was.. very scary. (Must be all those spooky theatrics with the smoke and mirrors).

(....Idk??? Maybe I'm just battle-hardened from superwholock, but saying a tag a la "AHHHHHH I'm going to rip something's head off my BOY BETTER WIN" just doesn't really phase me?? Nor does "#I'm literally going to k/m/s if x wins." Overkill? Yeahhh... But this is tumblr. We invented overkill for the media we like. And again, this was in someone's tags.)

Moving on, as tags of that violent nature starting pulling through, and people started vigorously defending black sails as a franchise over ofmd, myself and others sent in some propaganda of my own, urging OFMD fans to really understand that Black Sails is mostly incomparable to OFMD and... Black Sails is just kinda better. Cuts deeper. Genre difference at work here.

Soapbox Side Note: Black Sails can actually be kind of game changing, especially for a show that came out in 2014. There's so much to say about it but it's hard to talk about without spoiling. I might add a link to a good 'things to know' post if you're looking to get into it.

Anyway. OP was starting to lose it.

Like, I really just don't think they had mentally prepared for how truly feral Black Sails folks were/are about that show, and how they were willing to get all HRRRRRRR CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP about it.

Additionally... OP was white, and they were super duper unprepared to engage with any of the discourse about racism that these shows dig up (They're about pirates, and a lot of pirates engaged in the slave trade. Or had freed slaves on their crew. Some even owned slaves themselves. It was complicated and pirates are typically a white fantasy vehicle and anyway I'm getting off-track--)

OP started to really fan the flames with more and more visibly emotional responses

They said "it's not a competition" between the two shows, despite it... being a literal competition...

They called people out for "gatekeeping," but didn't really define what it meant in the context of saying one gay pirate show was way better than the other.

They told Black Sails fans not to express negative feelings towards OFMD on the internet (because good representation is the god us internet queers pray to, and we wouldn't want some network exec to say "oh those mean people on the internet, better not renew the popular pirate romcom" obvi)

After some more of this, they then threatened to overturn the results of the poll entirely and remove Flint from the poll wholesale, despite the fact that he had won. (Which is hilarious if you know anything about Flint in Black Sails. He's literally That Guy That Makes People Break Democracy Attempting To Unseat Him).

Finally, after a day of trying to ignore the fact that they'd become a meme within black sails circles (one post even screenshotted then with "new copypasta just dropped" yikes), they threw in the towel. And bless them, I do think they needed the break. They were kind of going through it.

In conclusion,

The Black Sails fans pulled what I might even daresay to be,, , a fuckery "of censorship and fear",, over OFMD fans and some poor unprepared poll runner who had no skin in the game, while using only strong language and some mild mean-spirited memes (95% of which in their own tags and posts).

[mantis-lizbian]

every single time i see one of these, even having no idea what the original post was, it makes me absolutely furious.

bare minimum, i feel like i should be able to, as a user, get to click that Learn more button to see what the original post was so that i can evaluate for myself if this post truly is so objectionable.

Tumblr has gone so far past losing user trust. they should give us a system to report false flags, as well. this should no longer be something the original poster has to fight alone.

of course, i know that the kind of company that would actually need such a feature is the last one to implement it, but it just makes me so fucking furious at Tumblr now, every single time i see this, regardless of the blog i'm seeing it on!

[thessalian]

Thess vs Lack of Accessibility

Is it petty to just be, like, really really sad right now?

I came to Tumblr because of the Dragon Age fandom. I hadn't been in a fandom in so long, not after the first one, which ... look, getting into a fandom while having a nervous breakdown is a bad thing, okay? Especially when that fandom has named you a BNF for some reason and the responses end up going from "nagging daily to finish a fic" to "long essays shitting on everything you ever wrote" and you're a people-pleaser by nature. Just ... that on top of everything else is ... not recommended. You have no idea how phobic I was of the very idea of fandom. I literally flinch when the media in question comes up (though I have some very good friends because of that fandom and I would not be without them; just ... I will avoid that particular piece of media the same way I do anything overly zealously Christian and conversations about politics with my mother, and for the same reason - my sanity).

Anyway, point is that the Dragon Age fandom gave me back my love of and, more importantly, trust in fandoms. Sure, there's some toxic bullshit, but it isn't like that. Y'all have been so wonderful, and between how awesome the fandom is and how DA: O itself really helped me cope during a particularly dark time, for all I flag up its flaws, I'm always going to have a soft spot in my heart for this franchise.

So of course it makes me happy that everyone's finding something to love about Veilguard and spreading it all over Tumblr. Picking their blorbos and squeeing about Assan and all of that, and it's everywhere. And on one level, I'd love to join in. I'd like to start thinking about what my Rook would be like - which of my internal presets would I send after Solas first? What faction would a Molly be a part of? A Jessie? A Jallira?

...Just ... why, when I probably won't even be able to play it?

One of the reviews had the reviewer literally screw up a livestream by getting knocked over a cliff because her reflexes weren't up to it, and highlighted just how much you need those reflexes and that dodge to actually get through the game. And she couldn't manage. And she's not, as far as I'm aware, fucking disabled. I, on the other hand, am. And it doesn't sound like easy mode and accessibility options are going to get me out of "you have to constantly dodge-roll or experience Death By Cliff".

For most things, I can budget my spoons appropriately. If I want to go to a convention - a big one like MCM or a small one like Dragonmeet - I can plan my life accordingly. But that's a one-off. So is "I'm going to bake things", or "I'm going to make soup", or "I'm going to Borough Market". I can have rest breaks after these things. I can plan them for good days. Most of the time, I can cope with this. I hate it, but I can cope.

But ... I mean, how do you do that kind of thing for a video game that runs so many hours? Too many breaks and you lose the momentum - far too many abandoned playthroughs of BG3 have taught me that. Waiting for good days could have me waiting a week or more before I'm up to even touching it again. If it's not a bad pain day, it could still be a day where I'm having spasms, and believe me, I don't touch anything that requires precision when I'm having spasms ... but sometimes I don't know until I'm trying to do a thing, so I could end up dodge-rolling myself off a cliff if I go to the spasm place.

Thankfully, I'm not the sort of person who turns around and resents the people who are looking so forward to it when I can only sit here and dither over what I'm going to do about this whole mess. I'm glad people are enjoying the anticipation. Just seeing it makes me sad, and I don't want to block the tags because a) I still have some tiny shred of hope and b) that's too many tags.

I resent the fuck out of EA and Bioware, though. I get that they couldn't necessarily go back to DA:O's real-time-with-pause tactical structuring, but moving us to something that's ... probably closer to Kingdoms of Amalur than anything Souls-like but there's still an element of that latter ... anyway, it's a giant fuck-you to the disabled. I've had one of those before. I got chosen for the closed beta of Secret World: Legends when Funcom was making its changes to The Secret World. I was not alone in flagging up that everything from the reticle targeting to the particle effects to the random-roulette light-up stuff all over the UI was a massive trigger for vertigo and migraines. And we all got the same response: "This is what we're doing and we're not changing it; sucks to be you". And it really wasn't that much more polite than my paraphrase, either. (Which is another problem with Veilguard for me, because even that first gameplay trailer full of prologue gave me a migraine that lasted for like two days; part of it was the particle effects, part of it was the glowy redesigns of all the demons, but mostly it was the dodge-rolling making the camera bounce around like a fucking squash ball.)

I resent EA and Bioware for jumping so entirely on the ARPG train that even the best their accessibility options can do don't help. I also resent them for not giving us a fucking demo. I know that AAA games don't do that anymore, for some reason, but how the fuck am I supposed to know whether or not I can play it if I don't have a demo? Steam gives a two-hour return window, and adding the time taken in character creation plus the prologue, that doesn't give that much time to really get a feel for whether or not it's playable, especially not when it depends on the kind of day I'm having.

There are a lot of reasons I hate being disabled. I think most of them boil down to "the people who make accessibility a fucking nightmare". That thing about Borough Market, for example, where I'd have to take a fairly roundabout route to even get there because the most direct route is via a train station that has raised platforms and no elevators, and those stairs were a nightmare even before the cane. And of course, video games. Far too many video games. Including, it seems, the franchise that really got me back into video games in the first place, and one of the first things that really gave me joy after fleeing the abusive ex.

Fuck my life entirely.

[aita-polls]

AITA for ghosting my lifelong friend? Part 1. (so sorry for sending multiple asks, tumblr can't process the length! it's a convoluted story. TL:DR; will be at the end.)

I (25, he/him) have/had a friend (25, they/them/he) who I grew up with, and I've always considered us to be close. Upon further inspection, I think I just have never had enough friends to know what actually counts as "close". We've gone whole years without speaking to or seeing each other and even toward the end of our childhood we were never each other's best friends or first choices. We also had a bit of unpleasantness between us when I first came out as trans but we were pretty young then, so it isn't something I still hold against them, though it did impact my desire to be friends with them at the time. My point is that I think we just happen to be each other's oldest friends. They've always been a bit dishonest but in recent years they have gained some notoriety as an artist and it has gone to their head. For the past year or so they have been faking schizophrenia. It's pretty clear that they're faking it because they are pretty ignorant about the disorder, so they often confuse/conflate symptoms of other disorders like bipolar and CPTSD. I never knew how to bring this up without being harsh, because sometimes there actually is some kind of mental illness going on anyway when someone lies this much about their life, and I didn't want to just shit on them for being mentally ill. Recently it has escalated, though, to the point that they are faking multiple other conditions, disabilities, and even traumas, in a way that is incredibly disrespectful and insulting. One particularly bad example of this that got me really rethinking our friendship was when they were escorted out of a nightclub by the forearm by a security guard for berating staff members (they were asked to leave as the club is a women's-only space). They described this event on social media as a r*pe, and named the bar and the owner publicly to their thousands of followers. A few of our mutual friends reached out with questions (they have a history of pretending to be a trans woman in certain situations, so it's worth asking), but they publicly called out and insulted those people as well, calling them manipulators, classists, ableists, abusers, etc.

**Alt img descriptions were used but parts two + three are posted under the cut in plain text in case this format is more helpful for anybody

ghosted my lifelong friend Part 2-

About 3 months ago they started to drop hints that they believed they may have DID and they are already faking full conversations with 8 - 10 supposedly co-conscious alters. They make Spotify playlists, outfit plans, drink recipes, etc. for these "alters" (all of which suit their personal tastes and rarely vary- if you know much about DID you likely know that it's a big red flag when someone's alleged alters are extremely similar to each other and to the host). They have also recently been pretending to have gone deaf and blind (not hard of hearing and visually impaired, but deaf and blind), over the span of the last 2 months or so. It is possible to go totally deaf and blind fairly quickly, but they claim to have learned sign language fluently and retaught themself visual art and ballet without sight or hearing in that same timeframe. I know that schizophrenic people can experience somatic hallucinations that cause them to believe that they are permanently losing their olfactory senses, but these people actually can't process sounds or visuals normally while they're having these hallucinations, and so it doesn't really involve any level of intentional dishonesty on their part. It's one thing to experience temporary, hallucinatory deafness, and a totally separate thing to film, edit, and post multiple videos of yourself blatantly pretending to speak sign language on social media. I mean this is such a low-effort fake that it's not hard to debunk at all; for instance the sign for multiple words is apparently just the letter R. (Again, I have noticed this so easily because I personally speak sign language, so l am aware that some uncommon words and proper nouns are spelled out and not represented by a single sign, but as an example, the phrase "I'm on the train right now" doesn't have 5 Rs in it regardless). The final straw was when earlier this week they claimed that someone attempted to break in to their vacation home. For even more background they have also recently started to claim that they have a stalker, a specific woman who they know personally who they are supposedly currently travelling cross-country to avoid. (The real story is that they are fleeing relationship drama, but l digress). Over the previous few days they had made several posts intentionally leaving behind details about their location- mentioning the name of the neighbourhood they were visiting, dropping bits and pieces of their travel schedule, posting photos and videos near the front of the home they were staying at, etc. It was all vague enough that you'd have to work very hard to decipher their actual (remote, rural) location from it, but specific enough that it could be plausible that an extreme stalker might be willing to. This is extremely strange behaviour from someone who is supposedly fleeing an obsessive stalker, but whatever.

lifelong friend story Part 3 (final part, I hope.)

Their story about the break-in was originally that their alleged stalker had flown thousands of miles to try and break in, but when no one was buying that they started to claim that they "weren't sure" who it was because they "can't see". When this made even more people see through the lie, they changed their story again, claiming that they were "pretty sure that someone tried to break in" but didn't know for sure, and that they also believed the person in question "might" have touched them inappropriately if they had been there and had broken in. This, to me, was obviously them both trying to avoid making a statement that was too simple to debunk and to make people feel uncomfortable asking more questions by including an element of assault. There are more instances of specific lies, and some of these and other lies are suspiciously similar to my own life story, if I might avoid specifying to keep my anonymity relatively intact. Everyone else who has tried to call them on this has had a hate mob sent their way, and I didn't want to give them the chance to shit on me for noticing their dishonesty, especially when they're stealing half the stories from me directly, so I just gave up in the end and blocked them everywhere. I figured the total lack of respect from their end justified me preserving my mental health as much as I could. The fact that they are so blatantly, regularly and severely lying about subjects that they are aware I'm personally knowledgeable on is insulting, yes. But it's also dangerous for someone who is totally ignorant to the disorders they claim to have to be positioning themselves as an expert to people who may not know any better. They've lost a lot of friends and followers over this behaviour, yes, but they still have a following of a few thousand people and if they haven't seen through it by now I wonder if they ever will. They need desperately to get off social media so they can stop acting out for attention and just spend some time on figuring out why they feel such an overwhelming need to lie all the time. Also, if it helps understand the why a bit better, this person is rather wealthy and grew up that way as well, and I believe that they have always felt inadequate and "uncool" in comparison to people with harder lives. Since becoming an artist they have started to lie more and more to fit in with a crowd they see as more worldly and experienced. Having grown up poor and in an extremely neglectful home enviroment is another thing they frequently lie about. To reiterate this behaviour has been escalating rapidly for the past two or three months, this has mostly all happened between September 28 and now and it's only a portion of the full scale of the stories. Maybe if I hadn't consistently gotten so much less effort back than I put in during our relationship, I might have tried harder, but I can't keep dealing with this for my own health, and I don't want to have a hate mob on my ass either. I also frankly don't want to be publicly associated with this person. My best bet, I feel, is to just disappear and be impossible to find again. AlTA?

TL:DR; I believe that my “microcelebrity" friend has been faking deafness, blindness, DID, schizophrenia, and other serious issues for personal and professional gain for months, and publicly attacking anyone who questions them on it. I got fed up and ghosted completely in the hopes of avoiding a similar fate.

[nicothesnekk]

Hi there!

Its been, a longgg time since ive been on tumblr and ive started anew! However I wanted to talk about something that has became like extremely important for me these past few months.

And I know most are gonna be like 'ah damn its gonna be something political' But its not.

Its about the character of Izzy Hands from what is my favourite show Our Flag Means Death. I was going to write this somewhere more private, like my notes app. Eventually decided against that when I realised I just felt the need to talk about it to someone else.

So without further adieu, here is why the character of Izzy Hands is so damn important to me as a trans guy and a gay guy.

To start off, I want to talk about the fact that, Izzy is one of the first characters within media I have been able to relate too and understand on a level I didn't even realise possible. I hold that same loyalty this character has, that same instinct to follow along with those you know and not to question them, even if those people aren't objectively *good* so to say.

Because just like this damn angry little man, I do the same, I follow those who arent objectively good, even if it results in more pain and suffering than good. Ive followed people who have actively called me an animal before due to my sexuality and gender - Just like how Edward has called Izzy a dog in the past, albeit for different reasons. Ive known what its like to question my loyalty to those people but ultimately stay because in some way ive loved them.

Izzy Hands has genuinely been the first character I ever felt truly connected too in this form of sense. And dont even get me started on how he was in the aftermath of losing his leg.

I'm someone who has been losing both my hearing and my sight at *alarming* rates. Like to the point im having to have optician appointments every couple of months to make sure my prescription isn't changing more than it is already. Its got to the point where my glasses arent actually helping me with some aspects and im needing to slowly begin trying to adjust to using a white cane so that way i can try stay safe within public areas. Dont even get me started on my hearing loss.

Ill never forget how I felt when I saw Izzy's reaction to himself within his depressed state after losing his leg; (the whole "what even are you?" scene), having to take about 20 minutes to just sit and cry. Because I felt that so fully after having to experience my own depression to my own circumstances.

He's a character that from start to end I found being able to see myself in.

And by loving him it's like loving the part of myself I didn't think that I could love.

This character is one that i'm going to hold so damn dearly to my heart because I don't think Im ever going to be able to find one that ill be able to actively relate too on so many damn levels.

[hobiebrownbrowser]

I think I gotta get this off my chest. I'm losing motivation to even type a single sentence in my posts. It's not the temporary missing motivation either. It's the type where I simply wanna disappear just like the old days. My posts have shortened since then and it's taking me longer to release something actually worth reading. I love all of you, more than anything else besides my family.

But Tumblr is getting on my fuckin nerves with the community label bullshit. Every time a post is flagged by a person it tells me, and just one singular person can fuck up someone's day with a press of a button. Even when a block button is visible in brode daylight.

Not even wattpad was even this bad. However I can't type the words I wanna type so I moved here. Sure it's just a label, but that tag stops a good amount of people from seeing it that actually want too, And seeing my posts with that "we've reviewed your post and determined it needed a community label." It irks my nerves more than it should be.

So my last resolution is AO3. I might as well delete this account because I'm tired of Tumblr. I'm tired of everything besides the good ass posts I see people writing on the daily. I want to share them with y'all to find them, So I repost them. But as soon as I do my posts seem to get targeted.

Of course it's probably me being delusional, But I'm tired because that's on every single one of my posts and all of them are locked. Even when the message is gone the community label is still locked. AO3 doesn't do that, they are better in my opinion so I'll gladly move there.

I'm turning my back, and saying fuck Tumblr. The good news is that my account is almost ready.