#if this was because of some kind of natural talent that cant be taught i think the teachers behavior would be even worse!

[nickbutnodick]

i hate it when people bully people less smart than they are. but i HATE it when people bully people less smart than i am on my behalf.

[nerdygaymormon]

(1/2) hi david! ok i have a quick thing abt women and the priesthood: its so frustrating to me, and it used to be 1/12 months we would study the priesthood and honestly they don't teach us anything really other than what kind of stuff they do (vaguely). i always try to bring up the talks about womens priesthood power (only if endowed lol) but they always get brushed off. when i said how unfair it was when i turned 12 that i couldn't get the priesthood my mom took me aside and talked to me about

(2/2) she said to think of it like a wheelchair for men, to help them to be able to do good and help others and give them motivation because if women had the priesthood they would want to help everyone (i cant even with that metaphor its so wrong) and honestly, why can't women hold the priesthood? has that ever been said? why? because we live in a man/father led society? im just really tired of all the barely hidden sexism in lessons + calling the guys 'the priesthood' i hate it so much. thanks!

————————————————————

Yes, I remember those lessons. I thought for the young women and Relief Society the focus should be on how they can access the priesthood, why it matters there is priesthood and so on, not learning the young men can pass the sacrament (which btw, preparing or passing the sacrament doesn’t require the priesthood and we used to allow females to do this). 

And how come the people in priesthood quorums didn’t need to spend a month learning about women’s contributions, or motherhood, or a way to provide some equity for women having to put up with learning of the men’s roles for a month

Yes, I’ve heard the excuse that men need priesthood in order to train them to be as good as the women naturally are. I don’t buy it. If priesthood service boosts a person’s goodness, why would we not want women to participate?

—————————

I feel like our Church doesn’t do a good job explaining it’s priesthood restrictions. That’s probably because there isn’t a good justification for them.

We had the disastrous ban of people of African descent not being eligible to hold the priesthood and also not allowed to receive temple blessings. Fortunately, in 1978 the temple blessings and allowing men of African descent to be part of the priesthood was restored. Now no one is banned based on race, ethnicity or national origin. 

In early church history, the revelations mention men and the priesthood. I think that’s the basis for the current ban on women. 

Was this absence of women intentional? 

Could this be a case of the word “man” being used to mean “mankind” and wasn’t supposed to exclude women? 

Maybe “men” is all the culture was able to accept at the time. Women didn’t have constitutional rights and weren’t allowed to vote, and were thought of as people who remain in the house while their husbands dealt with things in the broader world.

—————————

For a long time, our church taught that women can “receive all the blessings of the priesthood” even if they don’t hold it themselves.

Today, President Nelson has indicated that something unique happens in the LDS temple ceremony — something that imparts priesthood power to women. In the temple, there are certain ordinances that women perform for other women, which indicates they have the priesthood even though they haven’t been formally ordained to the priesthood. 

Unfortunately, this isn’t very well defined. 

Do women who’ve been through the endowment ceremony hold priesthood power, even though they aren’t ordained, and are only authorized to use this priesthood in the temple? 

Could they be authorized to use this priesthood outside of the temple? 

Why are they only authorized to use their priesthood for other women and not men? 

Is this the Aaronic or Melchizedek priesthood, or is it some other branch of the priesthood? 

—————————

I think it’s clear women can hold priesthood and wield its authority. There’s many examples from the Bible and early Church history. 

Judges 4-5 - Deborah was a judge of Israel, acting as a prophet and military leader at a time when women were treated like property and valued by the number of children they could bear.​ She didn’t follow the gender role expected of her, and showed God is willing to have women as leaders, women as prophetesses. Perhaps patriarchy isn’t God’s will but a cultural trait of the ancient Israelites which we now read in the Bible and think is of God.

Acts 2:17 - “And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams”

Is priesthood required to prophesy?

Romans 16 - powerful scripture for equality and inclusion--so many names of women in positions of authority and influence listed. There’s not enough details to know the exact roles of the women. Is a “fellow servant” an apostle? Is a woman who travels & teaches as Paul does, an apostle? What about the women who are leaders together with their husband? Some women sound like heads of the congregation, are they equivalent to bishops and pastors?

There’s an address from Joseph Smith to the Relief Society on March 30, 1842 that many believe indicates he intended for women to hold the priesthood. “the Society should move according to the ancient Priesthood, hence there should be a select Society separate from all the evils of the world, choice, virtuou[s] and holy— Said he was going to make of this Society a kingdom of priests an in Enoch’s day— as in Paul’s day”

Healing by the laying on of hands was a practice that was common for Mormon women in the 19th century, although it was said to be done by faith, not priesthood. There’s even a famous example of Mary Fielding Smith blessing an ox to health on the trek west to Utah. This practice was stopped because it was too similar to the priesthood.

—————————

What our church has allowed women to do has varied, and needing priesthood authority was often the excuse for why women couldn’t do these things.

Women were barred from praying in Sacrament meeting from 1967 until 1978. 

In 1984, a woman spoke in general conference for the first time since 1930. Since then, women have spoken in every general conference.

Women were once permitted to join in or stand as an observer at the blessing of her baby, but today it’s priesthood only

In 2013, the first time a woman prays at General Conference.

In 2013, the "sister training leader" position is created, a leadership position for women who are missionaries. 

In 2015, the church appointed women to its executive councils for the first time.

2021, positions for women were created at the Area level of leadership in Europe, they’ll participate in leadership councils, and train Relief Society, Young Women and Primary Leaders.

—————————

Can women hold the priesthood? I think the evidence points to yes. I believe we’re in the same situation as the priesthood ban of Black men where it’s now our tradition and belief and will take a revelation to undo. The question is, are the apostles and prophet seeking such a revelation?

If we extended the priesthood to all worthy members regardless of gender, that would solve several issues. For example, we have areas with many more women as active members, and the men in those congregations must shoulder several callings that require the priesthood. Their burden would be much lighter if women could share in the responsibilities

The disparity that women see in their everyday lives would be eliminated. They may be in a position of authority at work, but then on Sundays, for the most part they’re limited to working with women & children, and excluded from top leadership positions. I wrote a thing where I switched gender roles at church and I think it makes clear the messages we are sending to our members, particularly our impressionable children and teensagers. 

Then there’s the case of trans & intersex people. Is priesthood for men given according to their spirit or to their body? How do we know what gender is the spirit of an intersex person? If everyone were eligible for the priesthood, it would save us from having to answer what is perhaps an unanswerable question about whether the body & spirit of trans people got mismatched.

—————————

We currently are not accessing the talents and capabilities of 1/2 the population. You’d think a church that has Heavenly Mother as part of its theology would be anxious to recognize the contributions that women can make and let them have leadership roles at all levels of the Church. 

[could-always-be-gayer-2]

So I made a Descendants AU

And I decided to change some things so here ya go

Side note: I plan on drawing these bois and maybe their families

Auradon students:

Patton

Son of Giselle and Robert

Takes after his mother in alot of ways

Is a very talented seamstress

He works in his mother's boutique on Auradon and makes all his own clothes as well as gowns for the royals

Hes always seen with some kind of forest animal with him or on him

Vegetarian 

Very animated and believes everyone deserves love

Wears his heart on his sleeve And takes everything to heart

His older half sister Morgan use to despise him

He doesn't believe in hatred

They argue sometimes since he gets stuck in his own fantasy world sometimes but they make up in the end

Now they're inseparable 

He came to Auradon prep after she moved out for college

Emile

Son of Peter Pan and Wendy

Raised in England, was told stories of Neverland but never actually seen it

Family motto is 'Never grow up’

'Tried to fly as a kid, did not end well

Is alot more like his father then his mother

Tarzan and Peter would share stories of their childhood with their sons and thankfully their wives got along wonderfully 

Logan is like a brother to him

Logan always says he'll never believe in Neverland until he sees it for himself, Emile knows this is just a ploy to get his dad to take them one day

Emile applied to Auradon after finding out Logan had to move

He didn't want to be alone when Logan inevitably moved away

Going on adventures is no fun alone 

Logan

Son of Tarzan and Jane

Raised in England 

Smart and civilized like his mother

Curious and one with nature like his father

Met Emile in England at school, Em’ shadow tripped him when he was walking to school one day, he was too busy reading to notice

Distant relative of Belle and Adam, he doesn’t know exactly how

After Belle’s passing,  his parents told him they would have to move to take care of the school

Logan didnt argue but was sad to leave England Emilie 

He didn't have to apply, he was given immediate admission but he took the admission test anyway

He scored second highest

Emile got a perfect score

Remy

Son of Snow White and Prince Florian

Allergic to apples, if consumed he passes out for an uncertain amount of time

Has 7 uncles

Every birthday he gets new jewelry made by his uncle, he keeps everything in a box that he trusts with his godfather (the huntsman) and only he has the key

Taller than all of them and doesnt let them forget it

Can communicate with animals like his mother 

His best animal friends are a deer, skunk and rabbit

Doesn’t really care gender-wise and wears whatever he wants

He tells everyone his preferred pronouns are “Fairest of them all”

Roman

Son of Anastasia Tremaine, Adopted son of Cinderella nad Prince Charming

Roman didnt live on the Isle but was taken in by his Aunt and Uncle (Charming and Cinderella) after his parents passed away due to unknown reasons

They raised him as their own and never told him who his real mother was

He was brought up as their heir never lifting a finger, had maids to dress him and cook for him, he was down right spoiled and the entire castle knew it

His godmother (Snow White) thought he was too pampered and told his parents about Auradon a prep school she was sending her own lazy son so they agreed to ship him off with Remy in hopes he’d learn to be a prince rather than a brat

His favorite colors pink

He loves to bake

He's afraid of mice

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Villian Kids:

Virgil

"Son" of Oogie Boogie, Son of Jack Skellington and Sally

He was made by Dr. Finklestein for Jack and Sally soon after they were married

Oogie lived and hid as a human on the Isle and works as a Tailor

When he learned of Virgil' creation, he grew jealous

He ordered Lock Shock and Barrel, who still follow him, to steal him which they succeeded

Oogie hid him away for himself and raised him as his own with Lock Shock and Barrel as his older siblings

Deceit 

(he needs a name)

Son of Mother Gothel and a Stabbington brother (No one knows which one)

Likes to call himself royalty because of Rapunzel when they aren't actually related

Master manipulator

Never knew his mother and was raised by his father and uncle

Started stealing at a young age, a master pickpocket 

Once stole Mistresses Maleficent's staff and she punished him by burning half of his face

She’s his idol

Although she was angry with him, she was also impressed so she took him in as an apprentice and taught him some magic

His magic is enchanted in a pair of gloves he never takes off and he wrote down practically everything she tells him

Just like Diablo she thought he needed a right hand so she entrusted one of the daughters of Kaa to watch over him 

Remus

Son of Drizella Tremaine

Remus grew up with only his mother and grandmother in a small one bedroom cottage

His grandmother took the room and his mother took the couch leaving him on the floor

His mother never lifted a finger and made him do absolutely everything and his grandmother only ever lifted her hand to dish out unfair punishments

The worst punishment is when they’d lock him away in the attic for days on end with no or little food

One day as he was doing his normal chores his grandmother comes by and in the clams voice announces that ‘She is sending him to Auradon�� which enraged his mother

In what felt like two seconds he was packed with what little he owned, standing in line with the other VKs, ready to leave the Isle and start a new life in Auradon

….or at least that’s what everyone else thinks

His real plan was revenge for his mother and grandmother, and if he cant get to Cinderella directly then he’ll go after the next best thing

His favorite color is green

He hates cooking

He’s claustrophobic

He hates animals

Tag List!

@sparkletastic-cookiedough

@broadwaytheanimatedseries

@chelsvans

@fanders-unite

[solaneceae]

MY HUMAN!EGOS AU

i got a surge of inspiration and started creating my own versions of the egos! its still a work in progress but i love them to bits and im really excited to share them

JACKIE

grew up in an abusive household, emotional and sometimes physical abuse

parents screamed at each other all the fucking time, father was an alcoholic

Left home as soon as he was able to live by himself (16)

he’s 22 now

poor

trans boi, on T, wears a binder cuz he can’t afford top surgery

lives in an apartment with two roommates: Max, a philipino sound designer and independent musician (they/them) and their girlfriend Nilanjana (Nana), a buff training coach from indian descent

Jackie is in a queerplatonic relationship with them: they cuddle and kiss on the forehead during movie nights and all that cute shit

he has a part-time day job to pay the rent and bills: he gives self-defense lessons

he drinks his respect women juice

vigilante at night. gets hurt a lot. his roommates think he fights in an illegal fight club for extra cash and are worried about him

wants to save people and spread positivity wherever he goes

but he has the wrong way to go about it

basically he does the PMA thing wrong and thinks any kind of negativity is bad and tries to force himself to be happy all the time. 

not healthy, someone help this poor boi

anger issues, undiagnosed ptsd and ADHD

antsy boi! stimmy boi! He’s always bouncing on his feet or humming a tune or fiddling with his hair

aromantic asexual

pure of heart, dumb of ass. seriously, he’s such a dumb, but he does have street smarts

vitiligo!!

light blue eyes, dyes his brown hair lime green

extrovert, loves people

the kind of guy to record himself doing parkour and post it on tiktok

team hot cocoa

for the love of god please don’t give him coffee, he’s enough of a jitterbug already

wants a dog. prolly needs an emotional support one.

plays the drums. Fished a beat-up set somewhere, would like a proper one

fights with his fists and a wooden staff

no special powers, just self-taught fighting skills, natural flexibility and talent at acrobatics and rigorous training

MARVIN

he was born with green cat eyes, the physical representation of his extremely potent magic. parents were freaked out, and basically hid him away

had no control over his powers as a baby, would wreak havoc around him. think Mob from Mob Psycho 100

the upper side of his face was badly burned when he lost control of his powers as a toddler, so he wears masks to hide the scars. the cat one is just the one he wears most often

“hey, nice mask!” “it’s a prosthetic.” “...oh.” (it’s not that bad really, he’s just really self-conscious about it)

he was homeschooled his whole life and generally wasn’t allowed to go out much, so his social life/skills are nonexistent

his parents are famous fashion designers

they’re super rich and travel the world and send him a ridiculous amount of money every month

they say it’s for work but the real reason is that they couldn’t deal with having a “freak” as a son but couldn’t abandon him without getting bad PR

so instead they just took their distance and left him to live in a big-ass mansion by himself as soon as he was old enough (10 years old)

they dont really care what he does. last time they called him was when he was 13

last time they sent him a birthday card was when he was 18

now he’s 24

(and at this point he makes me think of bruce wayne lmao. he needs an alfred)

since he has money and home, he doesn’t need a job, so he just stays cooped up in the property and almost never leaves, he orders his food and groceries to be delivered to him

he’s basically a hermit at this point. and a huge nerd

he tries to use his natural magic as little as possible, (hello trauma my old friend) so he still has flimsy control over it

instead he dabbles into wicca and the occult to do stuff

A bookworm, quite serious, dresses like a hipster art school student. he wears SAROUEL PANTS.

glasses!! Big round rimless glasses!! soft!!!!

long brown hair, messy bun, dyes the tips dark green and purple 

disaster gay

“sleep? what’s that? i only know coffee”

has three cats he rescued himself: Spades, Jasper and Poppy

has a huge greenhouse linked to the main building. he likes gardening a lot, whether it’s for his craft, for cooking or just because he likes seeing plants flourish

HOW THEY BOTH MET / IDEAS AND SHIT

Jackie tried to take on a whole ass drug ring and bit more than he could chew at the time so he got beat up pretty bad. He managed to escape with his trusty grappling hook and swung around a bit before crashing through the glass ceiling of the greenhouse while Marv was tending to his plants, in the early morning.

Long story short Marv is in a panic because a complete stranger (also the only human being he’s interacted with in months) just flopped in front of him and is probably dying and he wants to call an ambulance.

jackie: *beaten black and blue and coughing up blood* jackie: oh hey how’s it goin’ marv: *distressed nerd noises* marv: oh my god who the fuck are you but also are you dying in my house im calling an ambulance- jackie: uh yeah no please dont im kinda doing illegal stuff also i cant afford it marv: marv: wh-

also what if marv calls the family’s doctor since jackie won’t go to a hospital, and it’s fucking Schneep henrik: what the fuck did you do this time marv: it wasn’t me! jackie: your family doctor scares me marv: that’s why they hired him

maybe after that jackie keeps coming to see marv and marv is like “ugh you again-” and he always come to marv whenever he gets hurt, to get patched up by schneep. he broke the ceiling two more times basically they become “hey ron hey billy” vine, its just a habit at this point.

Marv is a rich boi that doesn’t know anything about life. at this point i realize he’s like a mix of Elsa and Rapunzel, and Jackie is kinda Flynn xD Jackie just… aggressively becomes Marv’s friend despite the magic man’s reluctance, and shows him the world. love me some smart grumpy nerd/dumb happy jock friendship

jackie: im your friend now marv: wh- jackie: *drags him outside* LETS GO CLIMB A BUILDING TOGETHER-

Marvin but he’s never been in a grocery store in his entire life because he just orders super expensive pre-made meals to his house or cooks his own veggies, and he’s just amazed at the first one they go to

like “wHAT, IT’S A ROW OF FREEZERS! Remind me to install one of these at my place!”

and Jackie, who just came here for bread and milk, looks at him fondly but also is very concerned. Also he doesnt question marv’s masks, he just thinks they look cool

@tabbynerdicat it’s my bois! @lilakennedy because i know you like those two, and your love for them motivated me to develop them first

[blackgirlblues]

Being A Black Girl: And Chasing Your Dreams.. Yikes.

Hi, 

It’s me, your resident black girl back with some new shit to rant about. I’ve been posting a few screenshots of short poems and paragraphs I’ve been writing on my phone as a way to heal and get over Capricorn boy from my last post on here and I see you guys like and reblog. Thank you for showing love, although it makes me sad that so many of you seem to be going through the same range of emotions I am. I’m sorry. 

I know it’s a lonely place to be in. 

But, on the bright side, I’ve got a lot of new followers joining the diary/manual/rant page that is blackgirlology and it’s nice cause I think it’s becoming a little bit of a community. So, in a way, were never really going through any of these emotions alone. If you’ve found this page-you’re part of a community. Bask in it. 

Anyways, that aside, a lot has happened since I last spoke to you. I don’t know if any of you may remember, and for some new people this will be a surprise. But I’m actually a singer songwriter from Ireland. Moved to London a year and a half ago to pursue my music dream and that’s how I met Capricorn boy whos been the source of all my poems. 

Throughout this time in between, I’ve been trying to chase my dreams, and chase them relentlessly. and this summer i did just that, let me tell you, what im about to tell you guys, is to put it simply, wild. I’ll just cut to the chase. 

It all started in July. I’d been in London for quite a long time now, over a year and now have a manager who’s my best friend first and foremost. We’ll call her Maya. I met her in my first week of moving to London in the student halls I was staying at and we became best friends pretty quick. She studies music business, so it made sense and she just naturally ended up taking up the role as my music manager. Shes seen everything. The songs I wrote about Capricorn boy, the tears, everything. And she saw everything this summer. 

I saw an ad for a record label opportunity in London. It was advertised on my university facebook page; a new indie label, looking for demo submissions for a competition they were setting up to find their new signee. I sent a screenshot to Maya who agreed I should send my stuff in. I did, they liked it, I got a meeting, we were sent terms and conditions for the competition. We signed it, the rest was supposed to be history. 

Big yikes. 

There’s so many layers to this story that I will be shortening it, just because it can get very draining for me to talk about or even write about. I’ve healed from it i think, but I still want to put it here and write it about to finally close that chapter and be done with my feelings about what happened to me and my music. 

Basically, the whole competition, the record label, the dickhead CEO, it was all a scam. I had accidentally signed away the master rights to my new song to a record label started by a fake CEO who was committing fraud and known for tricking young artists into handing over their master rights so he could profit off of them, for power. 

It was a mess. Another contestant told me and Maya when we were outside of their office. Just minutes before we were under the impression that I was doing an interview for Billboard Magazine. Honestly, I never truly believed it. Shit was too good to be true. 

But she told us everything. How he was actually a run away from Spain, where he was caught and exposed for doing the exact same thing to artists there, how he didn’t have any money to fund the competition he had somehow roped all of us into, how he was illegally avoiding paying his team, how none of the creatives we had collaborated with for photoshoots etc were paid, how everything was a lie, how he didnt have any connections, and how he was trying to convince me specifically to sign a 360 deal with his label. 

Which, guys, I’m not stupid. After the first week of being with the label for the competition and letting my song live through their disastrous marketing campaign, Maya and I long decided that regardless of what they said, I would not under any circumstances be signing anything with any entity of their company. 

After being told the truth, I had to sit down. You see, when I came across this opportunity, I thought this was finally the life I’d been manifesting coming true. I had begun to grow in my spirituality and start journaling, writing down my manifestations, and getting to work with a record label who would later offer me a fair contract before I turn 20 was one of the manifestations I had written down every night before I went to bed. However, what I’d gotten was the exact opposite. 

I remember, me, Maya, and 2 of the girls from the competition all stood around in a circle outside of their new office that the CEO also hadnt paid for wondering what our next move would be with this new information. There was still 2 other contestants inside who had no idea what was really going on was an elaborate scam. One of them wanted to go in and expose them on the spot. I said no, we had to go in and pretend like everything was normal until we figured out what to do afterwards. 

So in I went, plastering the fakest smile on my face and pretended like I still thought I was about to be speaking with Billboard Magazine. Once I got out, I broke down in Maya’s arms. 

I went home to my flatmates, Ellie and Bea and cried for hours before I had to go work a 7 hour shift at a pizza place. 

I stayed in bed, and cried, and cried. and cried again. I didn’t get out of bed unless I needed too. The only people I talked too were my flatmates E and B and Maya. 

Everything was sorted out eventually, a lot more happened, but as I’ve been writing this article for you guys, I realised that all of that stuff is no longer relevant to my journey and isnt something I want to bring back into my energetic circle because I’ve made peace with the fact that a lot of people who betrayed me when I was at my lowest, peace with the fact that these contestants who wanted to “work together” to get out of this mess, actually wanted to save their own asses and leave me in the cold. 

But I still got out of it and I’m still here. 

I nearly got sued by a man with less than 20 pound to his company account online, but hey, I’m here.

I guess why I’m telling you guys this really short account of my summer is to both record it for myself but also to say its okay to flop, its okay to fail. I did both this summer. and thank god i did. it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

following your dreams is scary, doing it as a black girl is terrifying because society has already kind of set you up to fail. there’s already misconceptions about what you do, who you are, where you come from and how good you’re going to be at what you do. its almost like we cant fail and we need to work 10 times harder to obtain half of what the average white person will get. and sometimes it can feel like we dont have any space to fail or make mistakes because of this but let me tell you thats not true. 

if anything, the universe will put you in places that will force you to grow through the mistakes you make. and thats exactly what happened to me this summer. 

i chased my dream so relentlessly i ended up in an environment i thought i manifested, i thought was good for me, only for the universe to show me that that specific environment i’d been wishing to be in is the furthest from what i need right now in my life. 

this so called failure showed me that not everybody who smiles can be trusted, and that people can be way more deceiving than i ever thought, especially when push comes to shove and they need to save themselves. you start to see the real them when it starts to get tense. the people who seem to be around you when you’re doing good will most likely dissapear when things start to go south, including some of your oldest friends. you will get radio silence on their end. be upset. cry. but after that be glad that this situation revealed their true colours. 

and then never put any more energy into them again. 

this failure showed me how fucking strong i am. how resilient and kind i am even in the face of disrespect and actual evil. it showed me how much i can care for someone who i believe is at a risk of losing it all, and showed me that this will not always be reciprocated. and for a while i thought that meant that i had to harden myself up and grow a shell. but i dont think so. i will not allow the things ive been through to make me into a hard person when i was born soft. i mean now, im a little rough around the edges, jagged enough to cut anyone who comes too close with some of that bad energy, but soft enough to hold myself tight and glue myself back together when i need to. soft enough to hold the people who held me this summer. soft enough to help people who i know deserve it. 

im a good person in a shitty world, i don’t need to match the world and become a shitty person to survive. 

after all of this happened, i stopped writing music. 

i haven’t written anything properly or produced anything in months and sometimes i get worried that ive completely lost my talent. but thats another thing that this failure taught me, i can never truly lose whats meant to be mine. i know that i was put on this earth to create change, to inspire, to be an activist and a voice for people who dont have one. i know i was put here to do it through a creative medium and right now i still think that is music. 

i think i just need to stop being so scared to start again, to learn my craft again.

i used to be so scared of failure but now i am so thankful for it and the lessons its taught me. i had so much hurt and pain and hatred in my heart for the universe for, in my head, doing this to me. but then i realised that the universe never does anything to you, it does it for you. all of this happened in my best interest and while i definitely didnt understand at the time, i get it now.

thank you universe for the worst summer of my life. 

and my black ass will be continuing to chase my dreams relentlessly, failing, tripping and falling on my ass until i get to the very top. 

besides, if everything had just gone right, that wouldnt have been very interesting, would it?

[wangtaeil]

wow. hello everyone! i cant believe i really get to say this, but i just hit 3,500 followers. w o w. i've been making ateez gifs for exactly 3 months now and in those 3 short months i have gained over 500 followers, bringing me to an amount i am totally undeserving of. i honestly have no idea how this happened but i am so grateful for each and every one of you i didnt know what i should do to celebrate this amazing milestone. i considered opening requests for gifs or moodboards, maybe even start taking requests for the amazing writing skills i've developed recently. that might still happen (and would probably be for mutuals only i'm afraid) but for now i want to just give a shout out to my amazing mutuals who make being here worth it. its gonna get loooong so its under the cut thank you all so much for this, i love you all

here we gooo....

@cryiingemoji if i said everything i want to say to you here, it would take up this entire post. luckily you already know it all because its been 700 years lol. speak to you soon, ily 💚

@sooncheolie i’ve said it a thousand times in the what, 3 years we’ve been friends? but you are one of my closest friends on here, and i’d like to think that if we knew each other in the real world we would be basically best friends. you’re amazing and i’m so glad we stumbled into each other’s lives back when we were just imhobi and jinjackson. you got me into seventeen and taught me all their names, now i just have to get you into ateez... ily 💚

@mauloveskpop miss mau, anyone that is lucky enough to call you a friend is truly blessed. we’ve known each other for years and i’ve loved every damn second of it. you’re amazing and so hard working, a real treasure. i’ve discovered a lot of groups through you and learned how to gif by watching you grow, ily 💚

@1oonar my daughter... you’ve been gone for over a month now but i still think about you every day. i hope you are well and i will be here waiting when you get back, ily 💚

@whiteconfession laura, honestly, i’d be lost without you. you’re an absolute riot to talk to, every time i see your name come up in my dm’s i know i’m about to lol in real life. i’m so proud of you for all your achievements, not that i ever had any doubts. and its not that long until sungyeol returns woo! ily 💚

@visualsan i dont know that i’d be writing all of this right now if it wasnt for you and your sister, i think its all down to you two that the amount of atinys that follow me are following me. i remember being really scared to talk to you at first because i’d admired your blog for a while and i actually freaked out a little when you followed me. i’m so glad we became friends, you’re so wonderful, ily 💚

@smol-joong like i said to bea, i wouldnt be able to write a 3.5k follower post if it hadnt been for you. you told people to follow me and then everything just blew up. you did that for me, i cannot thank you enough. you’re very special to me and i’d take a bullet for you (or take a buffet for you as my sister would say...). ily 💚

@prettyseonghwa wow, where do i start with you miss yasmin? you are an actual angel. i dont know what i did to deserve you but i’m so thankful for you. you’ve been there to talk me through some rough times and you handle everything with such maturity. you’re so thoughtful and caring, even when you’re struggling yourself. i wish i could do for you what you have done for me. ily 💚

@softmingis wonderful miss luna. you were one of the people i was most intimidated by when i first became part of atinyblr. no matter what you say, to me you are a big account and i was scared to approach you. but look at us now! you’re one of my favourite people here and i love talking to you. i’m so happy you came back, ily 💚

@doorootu res, i’m so happy to have met you. your finals are almost over and i’m so proud of you! soon you will be all over my dash again and i cannot wait! ily 💚

@omg-gyu i’ve missed you while you’ve been away taking your exams, i hope everything is going well for you. i was honoured to be the one you asked for advice when getting into ateez, i hope you’ve been enjoying this comeback, ily 💚

@honeyboysan jules, i admire you so much. your love of all things nature is so pure and wholesome and its a joy to see. you’re so thoughtful towards other people’s feelings and weird phobias. allowing myself and your followers to share your nb journey is inspiring, i wish you nothing but happiness, ily 💚

@cherryjoong honestly maggie, you’re some kind of chaotic good, you’re the human embodiment of your ateez crack moodboards, so much fun and i love interacting with you. also you and jules are so EFFIN cute i cannot handle it. ily 💚

@moonctzen you’re so much fun and you’re taeil biased so that automatically means you’re awesome. i know we dont interact that much but i thoroughly enjoy seeing you on my dash. ily 💚

@moonitaeil we dont interact much but your posts on my dash brighten my day. i’m glad we share a love of taeil, ily 💚

@127-mile emilie, you’re a very talented writer and you bring so much joy to so many people with your au’s. i hope you continue to write and grow for many many years, ily 💚

@softforyunho it says it right there in your url, you are the softest. so lovable and seeing you share your love for yunho is heartwarming. ily 💚

@jaehyunay you are hilarious, i love talking to you and seeing all of your lovely wallpapers that you make. keep up the good work! ily 💚

@meinyunho natali you’re so lovely. watching your adventures in gif making has been a pleasure. you’re doing so well and i hope you continue. you’re doing so well, i’m proud of you, ily 💚

@honeyjoongie elli, you’ve been gone for so long but its like you’re still here because of the amazing queue you set up. its so thoughtful and you’ve really made everyone so happy with the posts you’ve tagged them in. you even remembered who my stray kids bias is, you’re so powerful and you dont even realise it. everyone is so excited for you to come back, including me. i hope your exams went well, ily 💚

@missminji miss harleigh. you are another person i was quite intimidated by when i first got into the fandom, but looking back i have no idea why. you’re wonderful and totally deserve to see your bias yuto when you go to see pentagon. ily 💚

@wooyuong inna inna inna... you are the one i was the most intimidated by. literally everyone i know already knew you, even people not in atinyblr knew you and i once posted that i wanted to be friends with you and then immediately deleted the post because i was scared you’d see it. but it turns out you’re not scary, you’re infact very cute and adorable and lovable and i might adopt you. ily 💚

@choisansbitch we dont know each other very well, but maybe that will change one day. you are chaotic, but sometimes we all need a little chaos in our lives. you’re fun, i like it. ily 💚

@dearmingi you are someone i would like to get to know better because i dont think we know each other too well just yet. that being said, i do love seeing you on my dash. lets talk more, ily 💚

@sonqmingi definitely was intimidated by you at first and tbh still am a little and i dont know why. you’re awesome though and i’d love to get to know you more, ily 💚

@soulofatiny an angel in disguise. you are so wonderful and kind and caring and i wish there were more people like you in the world. it would be a much kinder place is there were. ily 💚

@woovoung​ another little bit of much needed chaos on my dash. we dont really know each other that well, but you’re definitely fun. ily 💚

@multidino​ sometimes i feel like i can actually hear your posts. you’re always there and always first to interact when i say i’m bored for which i’m always grateful. ily 💚

@jonghostation​ i was a little intimidated by you at first because even before i followed you you were always all over my dash interacting with everyone. i hope we can become friends, ily 💚

@celestial-yunho​ the last of the people i was most intimidated by. you have such a big presence within the fandom that i didnt think you’d even notice if i followed you. i’d love to get to know you more! ily 💚

@kqyvnho​ we’ve been mutuals for 2 whole days but i didnt want to leave you out! i hope we can become friends! ily 💚

so there we go! thank you all so much for everything 💚💚💚

[matteredloyaltyaa]

really LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES.

repost , don’t reblog ! tag 10 ! good luck !

TAGGED. I stole it. TAGGING. Go for it. lol

FULL NAME : Arthur M/organ NICKNAME : A handful. English, Cowboy/Cowpoke, Black Lung, etc. Common aliases are Tacitus Kilgore and Arthur Callahan. AGE : 36. BIRTHDAY : January 25th, 1836. ETHNIC GROUP : Caucasian. NATIONALITY : American. LANGUAGE / S : English, primarily. Knew a handful of Welsh thanks to his father, but it’s faded with disuse.  SEXUAL ORIENTATION : Bisexual, somewhat closeted.  ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : Biromantic, somewhat closeted. RELATIONSHIP STATUS : Verse dependent, single-ship with @notanoutlaw in most. CLASS : Lower/working HOME TOWN / AREA : Arthur just mentions he was born “up north”, I headcanon around the Oregon area, possibly California due to his mother’s favorite flower, but it’s uncertain. Though, the place he laments the most about is New Austin, or “out west”.   CURRENT HOME : Transitory, he moves with the gang.  PROFESSION : Outlaw, occasional bounty hunter.

PHYSICAL. HAIR : Light brown, dark blonde in some lights. EYES : Unique eye colour, blue-grey-sorta hazel.  NOSE : Average, dimpled. Scarred from fighting and getting it broken a couple times.  FACE : Somewhat sharp features in the brow and cheekbones, square jaw.  LIPS : Full, can be dry/chapped.  COMPLEXION : Somewhat clear? Hard to tell. Dry, dirt spattered sometimes.  BLEMISHES : Uncertain. SCARS : A handful. Most notable are the one he has on his chin that is most visible with shorter facial hair, one across his nose, and the one left on his shoulder by the O’Driscolls in chapter 3.  TATTOOS : N/A HEIGHT : 6′0, possibly 6′1 WEIGHT : Uncertain, fluctuates.  BUILD : Stocky, broad shouldered and he can be fairly intimidating, especially when his weight is about average or above.  FEATURES : Look above? ALLERGIES : N/A USUAL HAIR STYLE : Right parted, about 3-5 in length. Though, for people who don’t know the system--fairly short, tufts out around his ears and may reach the back of his neck before he cuts it again. USUAL FACE LOOK : Expression wise, his kind of got a resting irritated face, sometimes bored. Rarely clean shaven unless he has to be, usually keeps a fair amount of stubble.  USUAL CLOTHING : I change him too much to say. Tends to keep his heavy navy blue winter jacket, jeans/ranch pants, some sort of button up shirt, and sometimes his tan leather jacket. Tends to keep his hat, however, unless he needs to go without. 

PSYCHOLOGY. FEAR / S : Arthur has a mild one of change. He’s adaptable but he’s very sentimental and nostalgic, he will miss “old ways” and previous places. There’s also losing his usefulness, disappointing those who depend on him (much as he will get defensive when it happens). Post-Guarma, he does develop a fear of drowning. It won’t keep him from swimming, but getting swept or held underwater may cause some panic. Post-game au, he does fear about getting sick again and actively avoids doctors.  ASPIRATION / S : Uncertain, just wants to get out of the mess he’s in and eventually just wants a calm existence somewhere. However, once he’s diagnosed with TB, his main goal is getting those who want/will listen to him out of the gang as it starts to fall down. POSITIVE TRAITS : Caring, compassionate (to people he knows, might not be clear on first impression), intelligent (much as he may say the opposite and isn’t exactly book smart), observational, brave, humorous (in certain situations and may be a cover sometimes), friendly (somewhat, changes as he ages), artistic, creative, loyal, etc. NEGATIVE TRAITS : Violent, murderer (doesn’t do it without reason but he knows he’s killed more than he certainly should), defensive, (passive) aggressive, sarcastic, depressive, self-deprecating, selfish, rude (sometimes intentional, sometimes not), conflicted, stubborn, reckless (sometimes, has mellowed out with age but it’s still there), self destructive (sometimes), money-driven (not always a flaw but he’s easily swayed by money). MBTI : ISFJ-T - Turbulent Defender  ZODIAC : Aquarius  TEMPERAMENT : Phlegmatic-Melancholic ANIMALS : I’m not going to take the quiz because the game is very heavy handed with the whitetail buck motif for high honor Arthur. lol VICE HABIT / S : Smoking, drinking, etc. FAITH : Non-religious. GHOSTS ? : Generally, the existence of ghosts isn’t something he completely writes off after he’s witnessed the few in the game, but he’s also hard pressed to admit to believing in them outright. AFTERLIFE ? : Not in any sort of defined sense. He’ll often say he doesn’t believe in one or it won’t be a nice one for him if there is, but he finds himself nervous about the subject once he gets sick.  REINCARNATION ? : He doesn’t know enough about it. ALIENS ? : Not really? Doesn’t really know he’s looking at a UFO when he sees it. POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : Don’t start. ECONOMIC PREFERENCE : Uncertain. SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION : Uncertain. EDUCATION LEVEL : Does not have a formal education on even the basic levels (primary, high school, etc), however Hosea and Dutch have taught him to read and write and he’s learned a handful of things when it comes to survival and his lifestyle. However, he’s not exactly book smart or the “book learnin’ type”. 

FAMILY. FATHER : Lyle M/organ, deceased. MOTHER : Beatrice M/organ, deceased. SIBLINGS : No blood related, but considers John as one along with a couple other members of camp. EXTENDED FAMILY : He has a few uncles, aunts, and cousins, but he’s not in touch. Issac, his son, and his mother, Eliza, who are both deceased. Mary L/inton/Gillis, ex-fiance. (Cain Kennedy, lover - @notanoutlaw) NAME MEANING / S : Arthur - English, “noble, courageous”, Morgan - (and I’m going against what’s been said in fandom) - Celtic/Welsh surname, comes from Old Welsh name Morcant - “mor” as “sea” and “cant” as “circle”.    HISTORICAL CONNECTION ? : Uncertain in the game, but it’s been pointed out about King Arthur and also Morgan le Fay, which highlights his struggle with good vs evil themes in his character. 

FAVOURITES. BOOK : Uncertain, mostly non-fiction. MOVIE : -- 5 SONGS : -- DEITY : Doesn’t know enough to give a favorite. HOLIDAY : Christmas, in a way. Not quite for the religious context, but he enjoys the hunting and cooking the gang does to celebrate, singing and talking over fires. He remembers it vividly when he was younger, so it’s stuck with him. MONTH : April-May. SEASON : late spring, early summer. PLACE : He likes most places in wilderness, give him something with a view and he’s good. WEATHER : Sunny, average weather. Not too hot, not too cold. SOUND : Rain, birds, etc. SCENT / S : Again, rain, campfires, etc. TASTE / S : Prefers savory over sweet.   FEEL / S : Weightlessness in his limbs once he’s able to sit/lay down after a long day, fingers in his hair, etc. ANIMAL / S : Horses, dogs, cats, animals. NUMBER : He hasn’t given it much thought. COLOUR : Blues, greens, deeper colours.

EXTRA. TALENTS : Sharpshooting, Arthur’s got impeccable aim and speed when using guns, there’s also his drawing, he’s getting fairly good at tracking, etc. BAD AT : Admitting to mistakes, expressing himself emotionally, adhering to rules, anything overly scientific, etc. TURN ONS : Sense of humor, confidence or self-assurance, kindness and/or compassion, dark hair, etc. TURN OFFS : Hypocrisy (much as he suffers from that himself), cockiness (has a limit before confidence becomes a turn off), excessive or needless cruelty, etc. HOBBIES : Drawing, writing in his journal, hunting, wandering around/sight seeing, etc. TROPES : Anti-Hero/Anti-Villain,The Atoner, The Big Guy, Jerk with a Heart of Gold, Obfuscating Stupidity, etc. AESTHETIC TAGS : Horses, old west, deserts, nature, gun slinging, writing, drawing, photography, etc. 

FC INFO. MAIN FC / S : R/oger Clark, mainly in game icons so I haven’t found a need for one. ALT FC / S : -- OLDER FC / S : -- YOUNGER FC / S : -- VOICE CLAIM / S : R/oger Clark GENDERBENT FC / S :

MUN QUESTIONS. Q1 : if you could write your character your way in their own movie , what would it be called , what style would it be filmed in , and what would it be about ? A1 : I actually REALLY enjoy the game’s story line, much as I feel the redemption through death is overplayed and not as deep as people make it out to be. I’d find a way to subvert that or some alternative, but idk. I like the game’s story. lol

Q2 : what would their soundtrack / score sound like ? A2 : Western-y. IDK? The game’s soundtrack is actually really good too so.  Q3 : why did you start writing this character ? A3 : I love his development and progression as a character, and even with the trailers where he seemed no more than an angry outlaw there was a part of me that was still “hmm” about writing him. Ultimately, he’s grown to mean a lot to me and I really enjoy writing for him on this blog.  Q4 : what first attracted you to this character ? A4: As mentioned above, Arthur probably has one of the best character progressions I’ve seen in a while imo. Even in the beginning, I went in under the impression that I’d be playing as this outlaw so the violence and gruffness wasn’t too much of a surprise, much as I wasn’t too attached until later chapters in the game because of this. However, as I spent more time playing as him and reading his journal, seeing how he interacts with strangers and people he loves, he has some depth to him and some deep rooted flaws and insecurities that are played very well in the game. He’s probably one of the few character deaths I’ve cried over. lol Q5 : describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. A5 : I have to be truthful, Arthur’s an asshole. lol I didn’t like and still don’t like him from Colter into Horseshoe in behavior and personality, much as it’s lessened from my first play of the game because I know what happens to him and how he grows. However, while he’s not blind to himself and how he acts, he doesn’t think for himself really. Even if he hates debt collecting, he does it for the gang and even tells Strauss he does it for pleasure at a point (sarcastic or not, considering they are talking about Thomas, a man trying to raise money for charity while suffering poverty himself on top of having TB), he does whatever Dutch tells him, among many other things. It’s not until later in the game that the theme of grasping redemption comes into play, and he starts to act and think for himself a little more once things start to spiral. As much as I love him with all my heart, Arthur’s got some deep flaws that are hard to ignore.   Q6 : what do you have in common with your muse ? A6 : HHHhh. I’d say we suffer from similar self-esteem issues, not just in body image but morality of character (much as his are way more complicated than mine jaksfha), we also have a similar sense of humor...Yeah, idk. I’m attached to him as a character and I can relate to him in certain ways, but it’s hard to pinpoint.  Q7 : how does your muse feel about you ? A7 : Idk, he’s pixels? Though, for the sake of a fun answer, I genuinely don’t know? We can be fairly similar in mannerisms and thought process (at points), but I have no idea if we’d actually get along if by some universe rip we were able to meet.  Q8 : what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with ? A8: I don’t want to get specific, I interact with a lot of interesting characters. Anybody who’s put me out of a comfort zone or forced me to look at Arthur in the different way has definitely stood out. Q9 : what gives you inspiration to write your muse ? A9 : The game itself is a good source, I enjoy putting up lets plays of it in the background sometimes if I’m struggling or just need something that isn’t music. I get more muse putting together blog playlists than playing them, but there’s that, too. Also generally plotting or talking about him can pull some to the forefront. Q10 : how long did this take you to complete ? A10 : An hour or so, I think?

[hellsbovnd-archive]

LF RP — LEONNAUX ALTOIX

For all practical purposes a ghost, this Elezen only appears on public records as far back as three summers ago. It’s likely, then, that he’s chosen to live under an assumed name. He tends to use his appearance to his advantage, passing himself off as a Wildwood whenever it suits his interests—which, given the discrimination that Duskwights face, is more often than not.

He first stepped into the public’s eye as a small-time journalist—and, unbeknownst to all but those closest to him, the proprietor of The Cloak & Dagger (under the alias “Crow”). He is passionate about magicks and has a demonstrated talent for alchemy beyond what one may expect of a man who’s only twenty and one summers old. Shortly after founding The Cloak & Dagger, he retired from journalism to pursue academia full-time.

In Character

Profession(s): Academic — Director of Alizarine Research & Reclamation ( @alizarinefc ). Information Broker — Proprietor of The Cloak & Dagger, and current self-proclaimed leader of the Ebonguard ( @ebonguardls ). Formerly — Mythril Eye beat journalist.

Alignment: Generally neutral. Loyal to the Eorzean Alliance, but not particularly interested in being a law-abiding citizen.

Professional Talents: Magic — Arcanima and other rune-based arcane arts. Alchemy. Warding and minor enchantment. Illusions. Bartending/mixology.

Current Residence: The Goblet, Sultana’s Breath.

Likely Haunts: Ul’dah and Thanalan, primarily. Bookstores. Antique Shops. Magic Shops. Bars and Taverns. Gambling Establishments.

Hobbies: Gambling, primarily poker and other card games. Magic tricks, primarily sleight of hand. Reading, anything he cant get his hands on. Occasionally writes poetry. Music. Fashion.

Abbreviated Bio: Leonnaux is a Shroud-born Duskwight. He is obsessively studious and somewhat selfish in nature, though simultaneously surprisingly laid-back. Those who can make it past his strictly-business demeanor might note a heart of gold, despite the kind of work he’s often involved in via The Cloak & Dagger.

Having run away from home and come to Ul’dah, he quickly had to find a way to make money, which led him to dip his toes into the criminal underworld... and after he took the plunge, he never looked back, using his position as a journalist as leverage over his contacts. He took advantage of his new-found freedom (both in person and, to an extent, in finances) to continue his studies into the flow of aether and alchemy.

MORE INFORMATION: Full Bio | Tag

Out of Character

Hi there! I’m Mid and I use they/them pronouns! I’m generally most active during NA Evenings and Late Nights. I play on Balmung, but I'm open to RP connections from across the Crystal datacenter.

You can find detailed information about my hopes and expectations for RP on my dossier, here. The quick and dirty version:

OOC Communication > All

I am a med/heavy lore-strict RPer. I prefer medium-to-low power levels in RP and character- and plot-driven scenes. I won’t RP with any player under the age of 18 but as long as you’re not making it weird/creepy, I don’t have a problem with underage characters.

I run an FC and an LS, so I can be pretty busy OOC because I have to run a lot of stuff related to that.

I do not RP on Discord, but I have always been smitten with Tumblr RP as a longform format, so if in-game RP is impossible for some reason, I’m happy to write starters.

In terms of things I’m looking for:

Casual acquaintances and friends!

Business contacts!

Long-term plot-focused RP connections!

Recommendations for events to attend? (And company to drag me along since I hate flying solo.)

Discord and Linkshell communities! Leonnaux is a Shroud-born Duskwight, a criminal, and a mage, so any Discords and Linkshells catering to that would be great for forging connections, though I'm fairly shy. u.u

In relation to some character development, I would love to find a mentor for Leonnaux!

Detailed RP Hooks Under the Cut!

Thanks for reading! If you're interested in playing with me then please feel free to send me a message or make a note of it in the tags or comments on this post. My Discord is available for OOC arrangements and chatter upon request! If I’m slow please bear with me; I have a habit of getting absolutely swamped with stuff at more or less complete random, and my energy levels vary wildly from day to day and week to week.

RP Hooks

1. The Academic/Scholarly Community.

While the majority of Leonnaux’s academic career has been spent in seclusion, teaching himself the skills he’s learned, he eventually came out of his shell. He’s always looking to expand his horizons, and has an extensive personal collection (although it’s doubtful that he’s read every book cover-to-cover).

Leonnaux is very interested in alchemy and, as he practices a mixture of arcanima-rooted rune-based magic and component-based magic resembling alchemy, he’s always itching to learn more about other schools of thought regarding the art. He’s taken a shine to Ul’dahn alchemy since moving to Ul’dah, but he himself heavily utilizes traditionally Duskwight methods. 

Despite his talent for alchemy, he also doesn’t always have the time or knowledge to go out and collect his own reagents and materials, so he relies heavily on outside help, be they merchants in Ul’dah or independent suppliers.

He is also the director of Alizarine Research & Reclamation, a company focused on such academic pursuits as well as the study and acquisition of artifacts, regardless of whether their significance lays in their history or their properties.

2. The Criminal Element

For a long time, Leonnaux’s primary source of income was selling information. He’s always had somewhat of a disdain for law and authority, viewing such things necessary only insofar as they serve his ends. 

He sells secrets and whispers under the guise of a somewhat ostentatious man known as “Crow,” using his “messenger” (really a cover to ensure that he was taken seriously in his work, and to protect his identity/safety if things went awry) as an intermediary between himself and business contacts as a means of protecting his identity due to the nature of his work. He is also not above thievery and is knowledgeable about underground trade networks.

“Crow” is also known to be the leader of a loose criminal network that he calls “the Ebonguard” and is the proprietor of an establishment known as The Cloak & Dagger, a restaurant meant to be a sort of ‘neutral ground’ for criminals and n’er-do-wells to do business and have a good bite to eat.

Leonnaux is known to gamble his money in seedy places. More than happy to sit for a game of cards or a cigarette, one might notice that he can get an uncanny winning streak going under the right conditions. The keenest might be able to connect the dots to the pronounced talent for sleight of hand and other magic tricks that he seems to possess.

In the criminal underground as Crow, he’s earned a reputation for declining the use of force except where absolutely necessary, instead preferring to use blackmail and public humiliation as his primary source of leverage over his contacts and clients. However as he’s given up his job as a journalist, he lacks that leverage and his position is far more precarious. Past clients or contacts with an axe to grind are 100% welcome as pre-established contacts, as long as we talk about it first! 

3. Contract Work.

Leonnaux is more than willing to take contract work, although he has his boundaries. This is in its own heading because he’s willing to take work to research things or track down artifacts as he is to sell information or organize heists to steal valuables. His only hard line is that he won’t kill on contract and he will not aid in any plot involving human trafficking.

Note though that Leonnaux is comfortable enough financially that he may not take every job that’s pitched to him. High risk jobs that offer little reward are likely to be declined, but if the pot is sweet enough then he can be convinced to do anything that doesn’t cross one of his hard lines.

(Note that RPing contracts in the east will be difficult, as I don’t generally play with IC teleportation due to playing on the lower end of the power spectrum.)

4. Mentor + Apprentice

Leonnaux is primarily a self-taught mage, though recently he’s been shown that while it’s an impressive accomplishment, he’s nowhere near as skilled as his peers. His casting is sloppy and reliant upon prerequisite components, which means that he’s not great in situations where he has to improvise. In general he lacks discipline, and he can’t take a hit to save his life. He would love to get stronger, but is unsure of how to go about it.

(Note: This is an extremely long-term plot hook, so I won’t pursue it with anyone I’m not comfortable with. If you’re interested in exploring a mentor/apprentice dynamic with Leonnaux as the apprentice, then feel free to reach out to me and we’ll get talking; I’d like to get to know you via unrelated interactions and general shitposting/chatter first! Forgive me for being awkward, though, I’m very bad at keeping up with people. orz)

Leonnaux is also open to passing on his knowledge of alchemy to others, given that he practices an unusual form of it and would like to see the Duskwight practices preserved outside of Duskwight communities.

[gg-astrology]

Hi! I love your blog, very interesting content :) What are your thoughts on Aries Sun-Leo Moon? Thanks 💕

Hey there! 💕💕 Aaah thanks so much for appreciating the content :) I’ll do my best??💕💕

[Below Cut: Aries Sun - Leo Moon 🍁 ] 

These people have a strong sense of self, as well as intuitive knowledge of their expression and creativity. 

Their self-confidence stems from an in-born knowledge that they’re stable and firm, a confidence within that doesn’t need to be understated, but used productively (to protect and assert the self). 

Allowing them self-assertion and grace when navigating the social realm (people flock to them because of their high spirits, general bold-ness in their personality and they usually have a friendly disposition to others)  

Most likely, they would’ve been nurtured/aligned with what their natural talents are in their earlier childhood. Since these people tend to exhibit an inclination for expressing themselves (in a particular way) since they’re small--- if they were nurtured correctly, they would’ve had an opportunity to be trained/taught how to do it ‘properly’ in order to be strong/pursue it in the future. 

It’s something to do with Leo’s natural talent (and also talk about childhood) as well as Aries’s self-assertion. If you think about them aligning together, you’d kind of assumed they were people who builds their sense of self strongly in association to their creative talent (from early childhood)

One of the things about these people is that they’re playful, although they can have a serious side to them as well. While Leo may make them easy-to get along with, naturally laid-back. When coupled with Aries, it makes them have a stricter side to them (in regards to their social relationship, how everyone should treat them or like-- how they’re represented within a group setting)

Aries/Leo makes for an easily out-going individual, although they won’t be over-the-top of extremely overt about it. They may have an easier time reaching out to people than they think they don’t, mostly because Aries makes them a personable figure and Leo makes them warm-hearted and chill

This combination brings forth the ‘chill-ness’ of Aries,  I think a lot of the time we don’t realize that Aries sun has an incredibly easy-going nature to them. They’re just ‘hard’ about some stuff, but those things are conditioned into context/what’s happening

Leo-- brings a general disposition of a cheery individual, especially when in regards to how other people see them. They gain energy from being by them, because they have so much energy and vitality that they ‘give off’ (like the sun ray) to others

For the people themselves tho, they might not notice because they’re much more aware of their emotional fluctuation than other people do. They rarely let other people know when they’re feeling particularly bad/down, and they’re the type who would rather brush someone off with an ‘it’s ok, it’s nothing big’ than let them fret/worry or hear their struggles

For the lucky few who actually gets the Leo/Aries to open up, you’re much more aware of their dramatic emotional moods than others. Usually-- it’s distance and the memory/bond of a good friendship. Although they might not be a very emotional person when you’re with them (or like see them often) once distance takes its toll-- the Aries/Leo will be more openly expressive in their inner emotions/drama that’s happening in their life all of the sudden

Once you open the dam, you can’t close it. If you give them the go-ahead once, they take it as an open invitation to open that side of them to you over and over again. It’s nothing big, because most of the time it’s like--- nothing really heavy or dark or deep. It’s just their worries, and they’re actively working to deal with it in their daily life anyways.

So it’s like they may have this front, one where they’re easy-going breezy chill, always optimistic and happy ‘you don’t have to worry about me’ and on the other hand, they can be highly intune to their emotions, maybe get anxiety and have to verbal vomit it out to others in private/with those they trust.

You can this individual who is private but also public, who may seem to be more openly vulnerable with certain groups of people (and they usually don’t tend to open up to many of their ‘groups’ of friends, maybe with different ‘faucets’ of themselves but never the same thing/repeat of melodrama) -- but is also head-strong and stubborn about themselves as well (public front)

These people may like dressing up, or feel more confident when they have material wealth on their person drawing attention to them. Changing hair-style, symbolic cutting the hair, wearing something different shifts their personality and self-confidence. They’re people who can be easy-pleased with small things like this, but it empowers them and makes them confident so why not?

Aahh these people are trusting and loyal, extremely devoted. But might sometimes be self-deceptive about those who they trust. They don’t want to be betrayed, but they’d rather give someone benefit of the doubt/confront it out instead of lose the relationship completely. 

Aries/Leo has an easier time laughing and being generous to others, but they can somehow have an air of self-importance to them if they’re not careful

This isn’t the same as having good self-esteem or self-confidence, the problem is they tend to be condescending and uncaring of other people’s feelings because of their own opinions/putting themselves first sometimes.

It’s not asking you to compromise, it’s asking you to keep an open-heart. Only when you learn how to be humble the way you can truly understand/openly admit to your own uncaring of others, can you actually get over your self-importance and help those around you (become truly generous the way you’re supposed to)

I hope this is good enough for you ooof 💕 thanks for asking 💕

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: . . . – – – . . . Carly: ? Carly: nodded on your phone Ali: OG 🍑📞 Ali: nah save me Carly: it's pretty lemme just grab a 💄 really quick Carly: what's up baby? Ali: you are and I need distracting Ali: got band practice and I really have to Ali: missed the last two so she's dead moody Carly: go solo ill play a tambourine for you Carly: until you get famous anyway Ali: we'll get you those noise cancelling headphones they give to rockstars kids Ali: then you just gotta close your eyes n shine Carly: aw Carly: you're a 🍑 Carly: but before then I know how to sweeten up rockstars Carly: lots of jd is 🔑 yea so ill swipe ronans & its a party Ali: know that'll go down a treat Ali: almost as good as the ego stroke of calling them rockstars Carly: y you asked me its a not so hidden talent of mine Carly: strokes where needed Ali: 🎨 Ali: alright monet Ali: I'll try not to make it completely boring Carly: i have to take 5 to finish up here or he'll be dead moody Carly: so he's all you have to be more fun than Carly: & whats more boring than a horny lad when ur not feeling it Ali: easy Ali: I remember being that bored Ali: less memory more reliving but shh Ali: all fun and games yeah ✌ Carly: yea Carly: he gets it over quick tho some go & go without getting u anywhere Carly: ha Carly: ive got a home to go to sometimes boy Ali: he's very considerate like that Carly: i wont share it w him too big of a word for rn Carly: wheres this practice @ Ali: 'course not Ali: all he needs to hear is biggest and best Ali: memory serves Ali: in one of the other's garage Ali: so punk rock Ali: I'll come meet you Carly: long as he can call me a slut & I make the right noises it dont matter what I say Carly: thats every lad on here Carly: k well he's done so direct me Carly: u dont wanna meet me outside here Ali: if that's your jam, go off Ali: you mean you don't trust me not to 👊 your mans 😏 Ali: I started walking, call me a pessimist, Ronan 🤷 Carly: yea u kno for a good time call any of these caravans Carly: the old lady w the gnomes is a dark horse like Carly: i don't want u to see me looking this way ty ronan 💘 Carly: so rough about everything Carly: him & u ha Ali: she's living my dream, I remember her Ali: the pink trailer, like Ali: shoulda been going to see her if not you Ali: 🤡 Ali: you alright? Ali: you need a sec or Ali: idk, anything else Carly: her cats are living my dream Carly: lying in the sun all day, getting fat Carly: being loved whenever they ask Carly: i need a drink but im taking all of his its k Ali: duh Ali: only had it slightly better in ancient Egypt, like Ali: forever goals Ali: we'll drink it on the way Ali: need to see where to put their fingers Ali: not code for gay shit but like Ali: also Carly: theres lots they can have some as promised Carly: he owed me for all the 💊 Ali: you're sweet Carly: we can get your gf ☕ to dump it in thats the adult thing to do Carly: trying to make her happy not more mad Ali: she's 17 Ali: she just fronts a good game Ali: suppose one of us should Ali: #badgirlfriend Carly: ur the best wife tho Carly: ive missed u Ali: 😚 Ali: comments like that are why I've deffo missed you more Carly: aw Carly: comments like urs r why ill make today really fun for u Ali: 💚 Ali: we can make anything a party yeah Carly: yea Carly: but u gotta help me carry these drinks to cos i think my wrist was broken from all the coaxing that boy needs when hes been on it Ali: ugh, the struggle is so real Ali: though if you use that as an ice breaker they're all gonna look at you blankly Ali: fucking lesbian priviledge amirite Carly: i bet at least one of them's hurt their wrist trying to get a girl off Carly: half who go to our school r so uptight you need to check for sticks Carly: catholic guilt be like Ali: 😂 real Ali: but you gotta be on my side Ali: already outnumbered Ali: team bi for the day okay Carly: so i can talk about masturbating with my grandma's jesus cross or i cant Ali: you can Ali: that's a story whoevers company Ali: 'cept grandma, obvs Carly: punk rock enough? Carly: if theyre all as scary as ur lesbian im shotgunning more beers Carly: bag of recycling before we even get to the garage Ali: when she cares about the 🌍 Ali: 😍 Ali: they ain't, if we're being real Carly: dont want the earth to die Carly: its so pretty Carly: & fun Carly: k i wont have every can Carly: before we get there Ali: 👼🌟🌈🍓🐰👸 Ali: you Ali: and I'm literally just 'round the corner hold on Ali: not dragging my feet 'cos of you babe Carly: ur too sweet Carly: are you the singer & the guitarist or do they make you just do one cos youre too big of a 🌟 Ali: got it in one babe, I'm relegated to guitar #2 most the time Ali: at least you can own the stage more when you ain't so Carly: ill tell them you need to be 1st guitar & lead singer you're too talented for it to go to waste Carly: its sad Carly: but its cute that youre in a band together Ali: you wanna be backup baby? Carly: yea but i cant 😢😢 Ali: you can when it's just us though Ali: you're too pure for rock n roll anyway Ali: their brand of Carly: how you said that makes me think i need to drink more Ali: it's a good thing about you Ali: just saying though, my voice will be fucked by the end of this Carly: ill get you some 🍯 baby Carly: you can be 👼 again in no time Carly: church ready Ali: only if you coming with Ali: 😈 Carly: only if we do some more sinning first Carly: make it worth the walk Ali: naturally Ali: how we do Carly: k Carly: are all the band dating each other or just you two Ali: 😏 more and more apparent how straight you ain't tbh Ali: currently off again, I think Ali: they've all dated each other though, every which way you can combo it Carly: i have met a lesbian before ur rescued me @ that party Carly: been hit on by lots Carly: i kno they like to date in circles & all kinds of other shapes Ali: I bet Carly: aw don't be jealous Carly: i didnt like it Carly: ur my fave Ali: I'm not Ali: am glad I ain't giving off those predatory vibes though Ali: good to know, like Carly: you give off the best vibes Ali: 👼 energy, baby Carly: 🌟💙 Ali: let's hit 'em with it Carly: yea Ali: after she can drive us to a decent shindig 🤞 Carly: me & a car full of gays Carly: ronan will be in a mood ha Ali: always a bonus Ali: also always in a mood Ali: they really would get on if she could get over the whole man hate vibe Carly: ill bring him to the next rehearsal Carly: he thinks hes got what it takes Ali: 😏 Ali: I'll put my money on Mar Ali: poor boy Carly: steals my 🎸 every time he comes over Carly: i cant be impressed that you can play 2 chords baby boy I'm sorry Ali: 😩💦 Ali: even as relegated #2 I can do more than that Ali: promise Carly: me too & im only groupie #1 Carly: he still tries to teach me tho Carly: so boring Ali: 🙄 Ali: what a dickhead Ali: he just wants to be behind you to 'position' your hands, boys love that shit don't they Ali: I know how to play pool too so get off Carly: we should play my da taught me Carly: make some money & have some fun Ali: I'm down Carly: k Carly: cos i need to buy more 💊s he really did eat them all Carly: 😢😢 Ali: Babe Ali: I know a reliable lad Ali: invite him Ali: make it a party Carly: yea me & him been up since i saw you last how long ago was that? forever it feels Carly: be more fun away from site Ali: damn Ali: how the other half live Ali: I feel like I haven't had any fun since I last saw you Ali: get enough to take the edge of your comedown if nothing else or that'll be rough Carly: i wanted to invite u my baby but u kno how he gets Carly: hates that weve met Carly: ill make you feel good now promise Carly: hes had too much of my time Ali: worried that Imma tell you horror stories like you don't know him? Ali: backatcha 💚 Ali: swear Carly: yea he thinks my head's empty Carly: just a body like Carly: not that weve done school for years together or anything Carly: i kno i dont always go but boy come on Ali: you're miles ahead of him Ali: he only acts like he reckons that 'cos he don't want you coming to your senses and binning him off proper, like Carly: ur lil bro writes & reads better Carly: but hes a smart lil cutie Carly: what am i gonna do move the caravan in the middle of the night? no wheels is there Carly: stuck as fwb til he gets married his wife finds out & comes for me Ali: yeah he likes you too Ali: always chatting on when you coming 'round again so you know Ali: better hang some more, for his sake Ali: I know you got locks Carly: aw i love him Carly: always wanted a lil bro but my rents dont fuck no more so that ain't happening Carly: unless my dad knocks up someone younger Carly: u kno id lock myself out & end up round there Carly: ha Ali: lil blue pills don't fail us now Ali: ick Ali: should go to casa flamenco Ali: don't think she'd steal your stash Ali: oldies always have their own, the real good shit too Carly: that what ur calling it Carly: ill steal hers Ali: exactly Ali: 😍 #babe Ali: ronan who Carly: i do go older but not sure i could handle peeling back the wrinkles Ali: weak 😉 Carly: you seduce her for me, thats love Carly: & you wanna be under her anyway Ali: 'scuse you Ali: I'm happily married Carly: me too Carly: pimping me out to the older generation wasnt in the vows were it Ali: could've been Ali: you know how creative I am Carly: yea i do love that about you Ali: I 👀 you Ali: [runs up and takes some of the shit] Carly: [unnecessarily long hug moment because always] Ali: ['it does feel like forever'] Carly: [just rambling on about how much she's missed her & like all the compliments for how she looks/what she's wearing etc cos again always] Ali: [lbr she'd go all out for rehersals even so it would be a look, Ali lowkey fixing Carly up whilst checking 'cos was concerned but not gonna make it a Thing tm] Carly: [save her Ali she looks like shit rn & your gf don't need to be seeing her like that] Ali: [finishing by kissing her nose 'cos that is a thing] Carly: [😳 but really happy obvs & another hug cos they really have missed each other so] Ali: [walking and talking baby] Carly: [& letting Ali catch up with all the drinks Carly's had] Ali: [giving her the lowdown on the other bitches who are clearly not as scary as kstew] Carly: [you'd think she's not listening because 1. state of her & 2. how distracting Ali is in her lewk but she is] Ali: [is like soz it's boring but I'll make it fun] Carly: [she's like its not you're just pretty & also I'm saving you & making it fun] Ali: ['not about to beg but please do'] Carly: ['knew I should've locked that down in the vows' cos being flirty with it] Ali: ['too late now babe, 'less you make me wanna renew'] Carly: [is just like yeah okay will do, soz kstew but we know its true so] Ali: [turning up to your function, imagine kstews face oop] Carly: [Carly handing the booze out cos she's a babe while kstew talks shit on her by pulling Ali aside like we said] Carly: u want me to go? Ali: [Ali tryna explain but also being kinda over this mood like why can't she be here, u lowkey know why but you know] Ali: no Ali: don't Ali: I'll sort it Carly: k Carly: [Carly just drinking a little bit too hard cos the vibe is wrong & her anxiety don't need this thank you ladies] Ali: [just walking away and being like okay come on let's start 'cos can't argue if you're playing] Carly: [pissing about on some spare instruments while they're setting up cos awks] Ali: I've text the lad Ali: reckons 10 minutes 👍 Carly: 💙🌟 Carly: ty Ali: [ooh crimson and clover 'cos joan did it and it'd be a sexy moment so blatantly directed at carly] Carly: [Carly literally 😍 harder than her gf is, oops] Carly: [& so many compliments as soon as the song is over before kstew can get a word in, god bless] Ali: [gently/not being a patronizing dick with it showing her dance moves and stuff like getting her involved without being like you have to perform now lol] Carly: [k stew fuming like now the WARM UP is done we should play OUR songs we all know the type like excuse you everyone is having fun especially my sweet baby angel] Ali: [being like oh but I just learnt this song it's got a good bass bit we should do that, overruled lol] Carly: [has to go with it cos no argument she can make that won't sound petty as hell and not trying to look like that bitch in front of the squad] Ali: [doing electric feel for the gay sexiness] Carly: [Carly even more into it cos a song she knows cos lets say she don't know the glory of our cat song just because so its such a moment okay bye] Carly: [Marlene calling a 🚬 break immediately after cos fuming & that can also be when Drew comes] Ali: [as if you weren't fuming enough there's how a man here 😍 at your woman, also giving them droogs] Carly: [meanwhile Carly ain't noticed cos sharing a 🚬 with the prettiest & least intimidating lesbian perched on her lap like so cosy....way to kill Ali babe we know she's special but let her know please] Carly: [hops off to get her drugs but still a moment] Ali: [these other girls just stirring the pot rn lmao] Carly: [that girl being like you should come out with us & Carly's like yeah cos she's pure] Ali: you know this one's flirting with you too, yeah? Ali: 😏 Carly: ha Carly: shes nice Ali: yeah Ali: pretty cute Carly: u kno the dealer wants to fuck you tho yea Carly: hes pretty Ali: obvs Ali: his hairs a bit naff but yeah Carly: ur gf is gonna drag him out by it Carly: let me slip him my number first ty Ali: lol 🙄 Ali: better you have his, no Ali: 💊 Ali: idk why she's the fun police today Carly: k good idea Carly: [goes to get his deets] Carly: she's so mad Carly: u gotta love me more when shes not around Ali: i ain't done nothing Carly: shes jealous of me like i am of her Carly: two girls one 💙 Carly: [lowkey flirting with Drew before he gets thrown out] Ali: hmm Ali: maybe you can duel Ali: [helping herself 'cos they clearly got enough to go around 'cos Drew's easy lol] Carly: 😢😢 Carly: you want me to be killed Ali: don't be silly Ali: not very gentlemanly of her, she'd never Ali: for someone so punk she loves following rules you know Carly: y u like her or y ur bored? Ali: [casually loling at her phone like what you think] Carly: [a moment of eye contact soz kstew] Carly: y dont i kno this lad? Ali: idk Ali: he wasn't always that cocky Ali: maybe his pubes came in Carly: ha Carly: ill find out Carly: gotta b known as the school slag not the girl who pissed herself on the stage Ali: more catchy Ali: I get it Carly: u only remember our wedding day i kno but it tends to stick in everyone else's memories Carly: a day of bad vibes Ali: I remember you but not like that Carly: hope its not worse Carly: how you do Carly: [casually taking too many 💊 to deal with the bender she's been on with the gypsies, you know Drew will remember her like this] Ali: nah Ali: you were cute Ali: and nice when all these random english kids showed up Carly: cos you were cuter Carly: im always nice to the pretty ones Ali: 💘 Ali: s'a good line walsh, you get it off him n all Carly: 💔😢 Carly: i love you i dont need him feeding me those kind of lines Carly: we gotta crush some of these tho its gonna take forever to kick in Ali: only joking baby don't be sad Ali: [comes over and helps 'cos why not kstew already furious her band practice has descended into anarchy] Carly: [using a shoe she's wearing for once to crush pills casually but stops to put her head on Ali's shoulder cos is sad lowkey] Ali: [gives her top of the head kisses] Carly: [is smiling again & telling her how much she missed her again and all that good gay content while Marlene fumes in the distance] Ali: [whispers like sorry for the bad vibes and I am gonna fix this 'cos she knows it's been fucked but realistically don't know what she's doing about it yet 'cos where do we stand] Carly: [kisses her on the forehead cos that big brain always thinking & worrying & she know] Carly: u wanna 👃 or 👅? Ali: 👃 Carly: yea dont want a numb mouth Carly: no fun Ali: probably would help my throat but kinda 'bout that smokes and drinks a 40 a day vibe so Ali: soz to my nasal cavity in advance Carly: the 🍯 is coming as promised Carly: [puts enough powder in her hand for Ali to snort, how intimate excuse them like she could have used her own hand or any surface Carly but go off] Ali: you're sweet enough darling Ali: [soz kstew just gals being pals 'cos obvs returning the favour and 'holding her hair out the way' aka stroking it] Carly: [when you more about that intimacy than the drug you're trying to take] Carly: aw Ali: [moment being ruined by some kind of unignorable strop moment from marlene clearly so she has to go and have an argument brb] Carly: should i go now? Ali: wait for me Ali: please? Ali: outside if you like or whatever, I'm being selfish but Ali: I ain't staying either Carly: k Carly: [is outside quietly singing a little mash up of both gay covers while she waits, just little bits of lyrics she likes from each lol] Ali: [not tryna drag this out and clearly we can't let it get to let's break up point so] Carly: lets go have some real fun Ali: [when she comes out, resting her arms on her shoulders and spinning her 'round and 'round like let's go] Carly: [is loving life again bye bitches] Ali: ['we can do anything we wanna' means now but also like always] Carly: [is buzzing because her life is literally so stagnant already like what a welcome premise & hugs her cos that's what she wants to do, always gotta be touching] Ali: [and hand holding] Carly: [complimenting her AGAIN as they going along cos she's a really good singer tbf so] Ali: [chatting away 'bout the kinda music she wanna do and what the band is about and starting her own etc but also about how pretty Carly's voice is and how it's too precious for the stage anyway] Carly: [okay but after they've nerded out over music Carly be like 'wait for me' runs into a shop really quick & buys Ali some honey for real cos she that nerd & presents it to her really happily wrapped in her headscarf or something cos again nerd] Ali: [you know how buzzing and touched she'd be 'cos also that nerd, being like you're such an angel and imma get you something so special etc] Carly: [Carly like you gotta eat it tho & opens it right there like she gonna drip it into Ali's mouth if she don't how gaaaaaay, steals some with her finger too obvs cos cute but also accidentally sexy all the time] Ali: [winnie screeching in the distance] Carly: [gets a phone call from her mum & answers in this state cos no fucks given on either side & then turns to Ali like my turn to take you to a family bbq cos I think the contrast would be hilarious so we should but not now cos give them some alone time @ god] Ali: [is down 'cos she's not a snob unlike someone we know rosalin and she'd be lowkey about it 'cos any excuse to spend time] Carly: [ronan will 100% be there cos hilarious like you gotta fight him Ali tbh] Carly: [just rambling about how much she loves Ali rn though cos always] Carly: 💙🌟🐝👼🚀 Ali: [backatcha and dropping the charity shop plan] Carly: [is so down obvs like little kid levels of excited] Ali: [running thru the streets of dublin like babes] Carly: [god fucking bless] Ali: [charity shop crawl so wild like leave 'em be world] Carly: [like how pure that they think of cat lady Ro & kstew would never bitch] Ali: [probably making friends with all the nice old ladies in there/horrifying the old bitches tho too lol] Carly: [this is why Carly makes my heart hurt cos she'd wanna be friends but would probably horrify lol] Ali: [tbf they are high] Carly: [as per again let them live peeps its summer] Ali: [should steal something but like something really tiny and silly 'cos sinning and stealing from a charity shop is pretty bad in a cute way somehow lol] Carly: [but leaving shoes behind or something cos barefoot life so the universe is balanced] Ali: [and ali would buy stuff for 'em both but making sure carly knows this ain't THE gift 'cos wants to swag that lol] Carly: [okay but can they also come back to buy homewares for the caravan when she gets her own thanks bye] Ali: [absolutely, just window shopping rn how you do like 'when I have my own place' but saying we 'cos #married] Carly: [Ali can actually get one of the actual things when cos its still there, oh my heart]

[dreadlock-detective]

would you be able to talk about dindel and vale's relationship? i think they're so fascinating 😍

Yes. Yes I can ramble on about D&D shenanigans you do not have to ask twice! Especially about those two doofuses (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

(By the by, I keep an in-character journal of this campaign collected here for further reading)

Granted, I don’t know much more than Dindel herself does about Vale, so everything about him is Subject To Change Due To Dramatic Reveal®, but a bit of background on the two prior to the game proper:

Dindel (Who’s actual name is Dindelion, or more correctly Dandelion but her dad always said it wrong) had lived her whole life in the crime ridden dried up port town of Delzimmer. When she was very young her elven mother left for reasons unclear to little Dindel and her father subsequently was completely unable to keep his shit together, losing his cobbling business after taking up gambling and drinking, and the two have been living more or less on the streets ever since. Unlike clerics or druids, Dindel has a seemingly natural born ability to use divine magic and would often need it to take care of her dad, but he taught her to hide her gift from everyone lest someone try to take her away from him and use her talents for their own gain.

Being so cooped up for someone homeless, she’d occasionally get her hands on books where she’d fantasize a lot about the world outside of Delzimmer and became pretty infatuated with romance stories. She’s had a few relationships but none of them went anywhere - the most notable one being with a halfling soldier who told her grand stories of travel and promised to take her away with him. Sadly he was just a lying douche and she caught him bragging as much to his friends one day, so after that she just kinda gave up on the idea of leaving and resigned herself to taking care of her father.

Vale (Who’s full name is an entire flipping sentence and I haven’t heard it since character creation stuff but is something along the lines of ‘Hidden Vale Beyond the Waterfall") was born to a Tabaxi tribe on an island far away. Through some manipulation by merchants or mercenaries (cant recall which exactly) traveling through the area, Vale ended up sold into servitude and grew up a member of a band of mercenaries - specifically he was trained with a flail to break enemy shield walls. Some time prior to the game the majority of the mercenary gang was wiped out and Vale ended up a drifter who found himself in Delzimmer.

Their first meeting didn’t involve much actual words passing between them, but Vale was sitting by a window in a tavern when he noticed Dindel outside looking for food. Seeing this he began to make a ruckus about something being wrong with the soup he’d ordered and it being unacceptable and demanding a replacement, while putting the soup bowl itself on the window sill and making it clear that he wanted her to take it, which she happily did.

Soon after, her father’s gambling debts finally caught up with him and he was taken away by what amounts to essentially the local mafia. They then found her and essentially got her to agree to pay his debts. Not really emotionally equipped to deal with being on her own and no idea how to pay off her dad’s debt that wasn’t degrading, she reached out to Vale for help - he wasn’t from Delzimmer, he’d been nice to her, and he looked like a soldier and soldiers get paid and get hurt and she can heal people, and damnit she was desperate.

We haven’t actually figured exactly who that meeting went (Vale’s player was planning on writing something up at some point. I’ll have to ask him about that) but luckily Vale had just received word that a city to the south was looking for capable soldiers, agreed to take her with him, and they set off on a boat down south (Dindel apparently gets super seasick btw)

Overall the two both seem to be emotional wrecks who each use the other to keep their shit together. Especially after Vale’s player wrote Cat’s Scratch Fever  it seems like Vale’s holding up Dindel as a kind of symbol of innocence and goodness, and helping her as a means to try to make up for past sins from his mercenary life. And he does sacrifice basically everything for her. Aside from the general “Barbarian bleeds to protect the party” thing (Where he has, on multiple occasions, put Dindel’s safety above anything/everyone else), he’s also given her essentially all of his share of everything to help her pay off her dad’s debts, which he never actually mentioned to her but she caught on to when he started handing out shares to the other members and they were half the size he gave to her. The biggest hurdle on his end seems to be that he’s put her up on such a high pedestal he sees himself as unworthy to try to be with her.

As for Dindel, she’s had a rough time during their travels. Her fantasies of the outside world have basically come crashing down around her as she’s start to figure that every place is pretty much the same as Delzimmer, just Delzimmer doesn’t try to hide how awful it is. That’s pretty much just reinforced her old emotional dependencies but now with her father gone the party are the only ones she can really latch on to. And of those, Lucan is super distant, Niles hates anything remotely elven, and Essmer is a weird embodiment of all of her dad’s bad habits so none of them have come as close to her as Vale. And her feelings towards Vale have been all the hell over the place: He’s SUPER nice to her and has done a lot to improve her situation, but he’s also absolutely pants-wetteningly terrifying when he’s enraged to the point where that being aimed at her is possibly her greatest fear and that’s a massive red flag, but he’s also shown himself to be remorseful over things he’s done and wanting to do better, but also refers to her as “Kit” like she was a child so is he just being nice to her because he thinks she’s a kid or what?! She’s basically run the entire gamut between being afraid for her life and complete infatuation and it’s EXHAUSTING lol.

So that’s the current state of things. Which will possibly change in the next session or so because Dindel has gone through enough of an emotional whirlwind and the action has died down enough lately that she’s going to try to work up the courage to just talk to Vale about this shit and find out where they stand. Unfortunately the last session didnt quite reach a good point for that (mostly because we spent waaay too much time talking about non-game stuff), and the one last weekend was canceled since we couldn’t all make it, so this “Will They Wont They” bullshit has been in my head for like A MONTH NOW and I’m ready for some level of resolution to this plot arc lol.

Mostly because I want the two characters to come to some understanding before we enter the next section of the game, which is settlement-building shenanigans that will have large time skips during downtime and I’d rather the characters hash it out now than either just say “they decided X” during a time skip or to somehow contort it so they could go LONG spans of time around each other with no horribly pressing life threatening situations and somehow have NOTHING develop in their relationship over that time, like it was a terrible romance anime~

So yeah, hopefully soon (next session is the next week’s saturday, 11/3) we’ll find out if these two goons can admit their feelings and accept the other’s in return and go from there. No matter what happens it should result in some good character development~ Maybe not positive character development if things go poorly, but good none-the-less \( º w º  )/.

[crafiet]

1-50 OC questionnaire !!

ill use ary

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?anyone else paranoid about people stealing their unpublished work or ideas or name bc me. her name is ary and i found it from a generator [lmao so original] and i thought it was cute. her last name is like pretty standard for fantasy and it inspired me to have everyone elses last names in a similar vibe2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?WELL lmao shes had a lot. prisoner #22876, the wraith, princess ary. ive scrapped all except the prisoner one and u can guess how she got it3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? she was raised among royals and nobles so she has a lot of good memories with her parents and other kids her age running around doing dumb shit. most of her bad memories happen once she becomes a teenager4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? she has an overwhelming love for her parents, she idolizes them heavily and is grateful for how much they taught her. a good memory is probably them teaching her how to use magic for the first time and she being unable to control it and almost burning her eyebrows off lmao5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?no siblings6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?tbh i havent thought much about their education system as young kids, since its not really relevant and i dont tend to worldbuild stuff that never shows up. however she did attend an academy specifically for her magic caste and she had a fun time up until some shit went down and she deserted. shes pretty competitive and liked versing her friends7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? she was one of those weird kids who preferred hanging out with her parents over everybody else. so she had one good friend in the academy whos still her friend today, but otherwise she would race home and annoy her mum lol8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals? no pets. she has a soft spot for horses though, because she has had so many in her “career”9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? horses like her, i guess they can sense shes good with them. at one point in the novel she sees some jackals and is afraid of them so shes probably not a dog person10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?she doesnt have anything against kids, but shes not very good with them, shes never been one for baby talk or dumbing herself down. in one draft she takes care of some adolescents and lets cyri take over bc he loves kids lol11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?nahh12. What is their favourite food? uhhhhhhhhhhhhh13. What is their least favourite food?uhHHHHHH14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?man idk, its not like my characters arent well rounded realistic people but im not gonna know her favourite fucking colour bc it doesnt matter in the story lmao15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?i would say shes ok, she doesnt burn anything but shes not a gourmet chef [despite having lessons as a child]16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it? ohh i used to have an answer for this but she probably doesnt now just bc shes pretty nomadic and usually only has the clothes on her back lmao17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?cameras dont exist in her world my dudee. but if she lived in modern day which ive thought of, shed be the type to take a bunch of pics of her friends and stuff she likes bc she likes having the memory in a solid form, her actual memory is shit lol18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything elsehmm i suppose shed be a horror fan, and shed love making fun of stupid characters19. What’s their least favourite genres?man idk. romance? shes kinda #2edgy4me20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?hmm i think shes more a soft music fan, just something idly playing in the background. ex. a bard playing something for the crowd while she kicks back w friends21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?she has a short temper. shes easily triggered with any emotion so shes quick to argue or whatever22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?id like to think shes witty, and she always says stuff to peoples faces bc a bitch has rabies and wants to fight apparently23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?bad memory, shes gone through physical torture and isolation [wew] so. shes better at names, growing up with royals she got to learn a bunch of family names etc24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?a light sleeper. crazy light. and she can sleep anywhere, so she has no problems sleeping on the ground unlike others25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?she pretends to be stoic but when u get to know her her humour’s pretty lame, shell laugh at anything if just to make u feel better26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? she tends to hide them under an indifferent mask27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?despite being able to hide her emotions, she does succumb to fear a lot and cries openly, but will continue to do whatever shes doing through tears so shes scary in that regard28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?abandonment is a huge one. shes not a fan of predatory animals. shes brave though, and will do whatevers necessary, kinda like unwilling exposure therapy lol29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? she doesnt like exploiting people so shell never use someones fear against them. for friends, shell protect them and warn them if something like that is gonna happen30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?lmao she walks or goes horse riding everywhere and is severely malnourished31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?i just wrote a scene like this!! shes louder in general, laughs more. her guard comes down more and more with every drink. she can hold her liquor pretty well but when shes blacked out shes pretty much useless32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?she prefers comfort and mobility over everything else. she tends to dress pretty masculine, and never does anything with her hair. does she know what a brush is?33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?...................ask her lol idk. probably just basic comfy ones34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?she is 5′9. when shes healthy, she has a willowy figure but more on the boxy side than curvy. she doesnt really attribute much to her body [imagine living life without dysmorphia mfg]35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? i dont she counts anything as a ‘guilty’ pleasure. she just enjoys what she enjoys, fuck whatever people think36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?she loves fishing! she used to do it a lot with her dad. i dont think shes a particularly good singer37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?yeah she likes reading. she reads pretty fast and prefers nonfiction. she thinks poetry can get too pretentious lmao38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?#deep but i think she admires kindness and care in others. she wishes she was a better person at times and wants to be able to express how much people meant to her39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? lmao letters are the only thing in her world. if she lived w us shed probably be all about texting 600 in a row and then calling when u dont reply “what do u mean you cant answer. its called INSTANT messaging for a reason!!”40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?she stays awake through sheer willpower shes a beast41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?shes bi/pan. not really a thing about labels in her world. she loves long hair and soft personalities42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?plot spoilers!!43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?shes not religious. there is a heavy theme of religion in the novel [which i need to write better in the second draft] but she was kinda skeptical as a child and probably lost faith entirely after she went through some harrowing stuff 44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most? winter. she prefers the cold and hates heat45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? i think people see her as scarier than she is. shes a formidable opponent and does not give a fuck what you say, but her reputation precedes her a little bit, a lot of things she did out of fear or force are seen as ‘badass’ and ‘brave’46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?shes a compulsive liar, and a good one at that. so she tends to show herself differently to almost everyone she meets, but usually its a false potrayal47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?ugh she haaaaaates formal stuff and parties. she grew up royal and had to suffer through many a dinner and gathering. at this point in her life youd never get her in a dress that impeded her movement. shes ok with dresses but really big poofy ones she refuses to wear48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend? in our world shed be one for a chill house party. show up with a case of beer, sit outside by the barbie, listen to music and talk shit. shes not good at organising so she doesnt tend to host, and if she were dragged by a friend itd probably be to a formal event or with people she didnt know so shed just sulk in the corner49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?she abandoned her material possessions before the story a. bc she was forced and b. they bring back way too many painful memories50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials? food, change of clothes, weapons. thats about it. she tries not to be super nasty and find an inn to shower and stuff but shes also poor af

[deathbanchou]

character stats !   (  bold all that apply. ) TAGGED BY: i think i just stole this one.

WEALTH  —

financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty  medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non - applicable class or caste: upper / middle / lower education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other criminal record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no 

FAMILY  —

children: has a child or children / has no children / wants children / verse dependent relationship with family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / siblings are deceased  affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent (s) / not applicable

TRAITS  +  TENDENCIES  —

extroverted / introverted / in between (as a child, eikichi was an introvert by habit due to his shyness, but later shaped himself to become an extrovert through his transformation, to the point where i feel like these days he actually feels pretty uncomfortable if he’s alone for too long / too much. he needs distraction and external stimuli to keep up his positivity ) disorganized / organized / in between (i feel like he would be naturally inclined to be a little disorganized if he hadn’t been raised to be organized! his dad is really strict, i don’t believe he’d let him be messy or disorganized at home at all. so it’s kind of a battle between his somewhat of a scatterbrain vs. upbringing... he’s still definitely not a planner, but much more prefers to improvise and go with the moment at hand ) close-minded / open-minded / in between calm / anxious / in between disagreeable / agreeable / in between cautious / reckless / in between patient / impatient / in between outspoken / reserved / in between leader / follower / in between (he likes to think of himself as a leader, and in some ways he is, as he’s managed to become the Boss of kasugayama high and even set up rules there, and has takeshi, ken and shougo following him.. and he can be pretty assertive nowadays! but. in the end, he’s pretty content in giving tatsuya the reins when they become a group, though he likes to think of himself as tatsuya’s rival rather than a follower. still, he isn’t necessarily ever taking charge there, so. yeah. depends. in the end, the leader qualities he has have come through him self-fashioning himself that way after he decided to change, and wasn’t innate..) empathetic / unempathetic / in between optimistic / pessimistic / in between traditional / modern / in between (he wants to be unconventional and express himself without any limits of tradition (that tradition crap has been shoved down his throat enough hashssdf) but-- he still retains some kind of conventional thoughts sometimes about manliness etc. -- yknow, all the “that ain’t how a man should act” stuff. but you can blame his dad for that, for spouting toxic shit at him for all his life. thankfully most of these things he believes in are pretty positive and harmless? like he believes “a man” should be fair and honest etc etc but doesn’t believe in any super toxic shit about gender roles and such) hard-working / lazy / in between (eikichi tries very hard. trying hard is his very essence!!) cultured / uncultured / in between loyal / disloyal / in between (also his essence. so loyal!!) faithful / unfaithful / in between

BELIEFS  —

faith : monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic / it’s complicated belief in an afterlife : yes / no / don’t know / don’t care belief in reincarnation : yes / no / don’t know / don’t care philosophical : yes / no / sometimes (it may not seem that way to those who don’t know him that well, as he seems pretty airheaded (which is just a defense mechanism, trying to live in the moment so he won’t start wallowing in any negative feelings etc. but. in the right company he’s very philosophical and deep. also, one of his contact actions in battle is literally “discuss life”)

ABILITIES  —

combat skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none   literacy skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none (don’t get me wrong, he can read on the same level as his peers, but i always had this headcanon about him maybe being a bit dyslexic, which is making school a bit harder on him? at least those kinds of subjects. again he tries very hard to have good grades, but isn’t academic, and this is one reason why.) artistic skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none  (as in, it’s a special talent of his!) technical skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none (kinda torn with this one, because i’m not sure how poor poor means here, but i imagine moderate, like, normal, but more on the poor side than the good side. so like, not good with technical shit as he’s type of person who thinks hitting the television will fix it, but also not poor enough for it to be like, his personality trait. just regular bad.) cooking skills : excellent / good / moderate / poor / none (at least with sushi, he’s been forced to become pretty good at that because his parents want him to take over the sushi shop and have certainly taught him. he’s also forced to help out with the shop pretty often. but-- as we know. he HATES sushi. so, it’s def not a passion or anything. still, i imagine you cant make a good sushi and not be at least kind of good at cooking in general then, or kind of understand it + i also imagine that their sushi shop may have other traditional japanese foods like miso soup, another thing eikichi doesn’t like, so...)

HABITS  —

drinking alcohol : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess smoking : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess other narcotics : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess medicinal drugs :  never / sometimes / frequently / to excess (i’m considering this as like a frequent, then yeah, nothing really? only if he’s sick. and he also used to take some weird diet pills back in the day but not anymore, tho idk if those can be considered medicinal or even drugs lmao but its worth mentioning ) indulgent food : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess (this is like a taboo for him. he likes good food, but if it’s unhealthy or fattening he’s gonna have a crisis over it, as he has body image issues due to his childhood and is super paranoid about gaining weight ghhgj. so he definitely just avoids indulgent food as much as he can, but idk, on a special occasion he might chill a bit and eat some with friends..)

Tagging: @crossfortun, @interlacedfates, @gamenu, @dolgelo + whoever wants to!!

[chaoticdumbitch]

Who are some of your favorite and least favorite people and why?

this is such a cool ask, thanks bro!! :D (this is gonna be a long one, i got a lot of favorites)

here goes least favorites (askldjgasdg i realize now that u probably meant like, well-known people, but! this is the Truth!)

    1. milo: (my ex) emotionally manipulative, abusive bastard, who never respected, me, my friends, or my privacy.

    2. my dad’s father: Also Abusive, in every possible way - towards all his children, and me, when he got the chance.

    3. my mom’s father: once again - abusive bitch! not towards me, but he makes my mom sad and I Will Not Stand For That.

THE GOOD SHIT (FAVORITES) (not ranked)

   - my mom!! taught me that i dont have to love everyone in my family no matter what! has a take-no-shit attitude, while also being one of the most loving people in the world! also, she makes great desserts

    - kenny (doesnt have a tumblr, otherwise i’d @) my best friend. it’s impossible to have a bad time around him, even when absolutely nothing is going on. funniest dude i know. even when we were absolutely dying on sleeping bear dunes (askdkgj thats a whole different story, u should ask me abt that sometime) we had a great time together, and grew even closer as friends. we’ve come a long way since him bullying me in elementary school (another story for a different time) (the poor guy never stops apologizing for that - bro, its fine. i get it) protective, adventurous, determined bastard. that tired, 3am brand of humor, where most everything he says is funny and you’re not entirely sure why.

    - leo ( @saltytransguy) and la’nay ( @theboowaltz) it’s impossible to not pair these two together. two of the most kind people you’ll ever meet. just watching them interact with each other is the sweetest, most pure thing i’ve ever witnessed. leo himself is a lot like my mom - fierce, loving, and forthright. if he doesn’t like you, you’ll know, i promise. la’nay, aside from being probably the most talented musician i know, is radiant and nurturing. the only good ally to ever exist

   - autumn ( @dogalmighty) fucking superb funky little lesbian!! fiercely supportive of all her friends. best “hell yeah” to grace this earth - best voice to grace this earth, actually. i could listen to this bitch talk for fucking hours and not be bored. love her!!!

   - natasha ( @considemere ) pocket-sized beauty! cute as hell! her love of nature knows absolutely no bounds - and while i cant relate, it is the absolute best to watch her get excited about a frog or some shit. she’s the kind of funny that sneaks up on you - quiet until, at one point, she says some fucking hilarious, legendary shit that won’t be forgotten until we have all passed from this earth.

   - maddie ( @casuallysadprincess) this bitch!!!! i havent spent nearly enough time with her and im sad about it!! because? she’s the BEST. she’s hilarious, she deeply cares about each and every one of her friends. voted most generous by me. i love her so much!!!

   - kyle: cryptid. likely to emerge from the woods at any time. love the mystery. the panache. all i know about him are very strange tidbits that only sound fake if you don’t know him. also super nice dude! he wants to wrestle a bear. i fear for his life every goddamn day.

[agent-absinthe]

The End

This is for the ever lovely and talented @reformedkingsmanagent because I wanted to try my hand at a Charlie that I rarely see in fics.  

I want to advise everyone reading that this has heavy, heavy abuse and trauma.  If you are triggered by any kind of relationship abuse or violence please do not read.  

As always, Stay safe!  You control what you see!  And I hope you enjoy!  

(Recommended song for this is The End by Blue October.)

Charlie was in the middle of a Kingsman meeting, scrolling through social media on his glasses, like Eggsy was doing beside him, ignoring whatever Merlin was saying about drug lords.  Even Roxy across from him gave a muffled yawn and her head dipped forward before snapping back up, she had just come back from a mission to Tokyo and had yet to sleep.  It felt like just another day until a picture on Instagram flooded his system with rage.

tara_tart had just posted with the caption “The new bistro downtown is great!  Everyone go check it out!” which would have been innocent enough if it hadn’t been for the fact that she was kissing someone’s cheek and that same someone had commented on the post with “Love you babe <3”

With a few flicks and blinks of his eyes Charlie had everything about Tara’s new boyfriend laid out in front of him.  Accountant, recently graduated at the top of his class, a fitness nut with a great body, Charlie could still kill him.  That break up had nearly killed him.  They went to the same school, she was what he called a pity admission since she came from a lower middle class family.  Wasn’t much of his type at first either, a bit of a bigger girl with a soft voice she used to argue with him in Philosophy, but when he smiled at her he could tell she adored him.

It lasted for two years.  Two wonderful years.  He was going to propose, they would start a family.  Until she broke it off due to his “controlling, hyper obsessive nature” what did that even mean?

~

A sheen of sweat reflected off of Charlie’s face as he picked the lock to Tara’s apartment, using his watch to silence the security system that began beeping when he shoved it open.  Her familiar rose and peony perfume that he had bought her in Paris overwhelmed him, he almost lost himself right there in the hallway, a sob raking up his throat.  He stifled it and pushed forward into the dark apartment, noting all of her usual habits: the dishes still lying in the sink, her shoes all over the place, books piled up next to the tv.  His hands were shaking as he pushed open the bedroom door and breathed deeply trying to soak as much of her up in this small time frame as possible.

“Still so messy, love.”  He said aloud to no one but himself and the pretty cat that slunk out from under the blankets.

Charlie bent down to give it a scratch on the chin and the cat purred, looping around his legs when he straightened to explore the bedroom.  His large hands carded through her closet, pulling out a few dresses he didn’t recognize to admire before putting them back, he reached into the very back and found a scrapbook of her childhood and college memories.  He smiled, eager to see what pictures of them she had kept over the years…but as he flipped through it he realized there were no pictures of him in here at all. None.  Breathing suddenly became difficult and he tossed the book onto the floor, shoving his hand even further back into the closet and looking for a photo album- something, anything.  She would not have thrown him out of her life completely, she loved him, she’d always love him just like he loved her.

A journal was the only thing he pulled out and eagerly opened up.

My therapist tells me that anytime something reminds me of him or I relapse into some of the habits he “groomed” me to have that I needed to write it down in here and it would make me feel better… I forgot to do the dishes last night and when I saw them in the sink this morning I had a panic attack-I was tired and forgot that he isn’t controlling my life any longer.  Thought I was going to see him coming around the corner ready to break every single one and then make me clean it up like before… sheets got wrapped around my neck from all the turning, thought it was him trying to choke me again- need to schedule another appointment with Dr. Reuben… I relapsed.  Ended up on the bathroom floor at 3 a.m scrubbing it because I had a nightmare that C came home upset it was dirty, Michael had to pick me up and carry me back to bed.  Why can’t I get rid of him?... Had a panic attack at work today, a cute boy with curly hair delivered the donuts and I thought it was Charlie, got sent home, took a few days off… Michael said he loves me and I haven’t had a nightmare in weeks.  Maybe this is where I start to heal.

Charlie snapped the journal shut, his body shaking with rage before he reopened it and began tearing the pages out handful by handful, ripping them apart further once there were none left in the spine.

“No!”  He screamed, forgetting to stay quiet in case any of the neighbors were home.

“No!”

Breathing even more ragged than before, Charlie stumbled up and over to the old, shitty vanity he had begged her to get rid of but she wouldn’t because it was her grandmothers.  The mirror spotted with old make up and a crack, he stared into the mirror remembering the night she wouldn’t listen to him and he had shoved her against it to get her attention.  Tara hit her head on the corner and caused the crack, they had to go to the emergency room for stitches.  Remembering the blood slipping across her forehead and how the nurses had looked at him like he was evil, like they were fucking superior to him the cunts- the glass shattered, Charlie immediately retching his fist back as his knuckles began to bleed.  Deep breaths, deep breaths like Merlin taught you.  One.  Two. Three. Calm Down.  Breathe through the anger.  

Sweat was dripping off his nose now, his whole body shaking so bad he could hardly stand.  It wasn’t until he heard the door unlock with a click that he forced himself to get up and move to the balcony door without so much as a creak from the floor boards.  The cat followed mewing at him.

“Come here.  Come on.” He held out his hand to it and as soon as it’s wet nose touched the tip of his finger Charlie grabbed it by the scruff, tucking the cat into his coat as he slipped out.

~

“Bruv, when did ya get a cat?”  Eggsy was in some obnoxious neon blue Adidas clothes scratching the cat, who Charlie had named Pleb as the expensive leather collar with a bright gold tag read.

“Oh, it followed me home last week.”

Charlie really couldn’t be bothered right now.  He placed a Kingsman Ghosting chip in Tara’s cellphone and could now go through all of her things, the burner phone he was using acting as an exact mirror.  Right now she was messaging her god awful boyfriend about the recent break in that had happened, the conversation was boring until she finally brought him up.

No you don’t understand my therapy journal was ripped to shreds.  I think it might be my ex.

What?  The one who abused you?

Yes.  I don’t know what to do.  What if he hurt Niko?  What if hes watching me?

Call the police.  He’s breaking his restraining order right?

I cant, his family is fucking loaded the only reason I got the restraining order is because I had documentation and testimony. I don’t have shit now.

Fine, then I’ll stay with you.  I’ll be over tonight.  I’m not gonna let anything happen to you I love you.

Thanks babe I love you too.

Abused.  He actually laughed, ignoring Eggsy’s questioning look, he never abused Tara never never never.  He loved her, how could he abuse her?  That’s not how that worked, how STUPID could they both possibly be, no no it wasn’t her, she was being led astray by this asshole and that therapist probably had put all kinds of ideas in her head.  Charlie would have to make sure she went back to her old self just as soon as he was able to get her back.  Although now that this bastard was trying to play protective he would have to learn stew for a few days and watch them, figure out the routine.  Luckily, Merlin had given him a few days to heal a bullet scrap to his ribs since the manor was finally properly staffed again.

~

“Michael, honey thank you so much for staying with me.  I’ve been so fucking scared lately and I didn’t know what to do, I thought he was gonna come back and-”

“No, baby I won’t let anything happen to you I swear.  I love you, I love you so much.  Maybe uh,”  Michael smiled at her sheepishly, “maybe instead of sleeping over it could just be… sleeping?  My apartment is a little bigger, I’ve got a huge closet I barely use-”

“Are you asking me to move in with you?”  Her heart felt like it was going to stop.  No, it can’t be true she was too fucked up.  Just like he had said, she was too fucked up for anyone else to want.

“Yes, baby.  Please, I know you’re scared of letting people into your space, but I wanna grow with you.  So, what do you say?”

Michael was a big guy.  6’2 and kinda beefy, a lacrosse player at university, if he wasn’t such a softie he would have made an excellent fighter.  Tara felt so protected by him and he looked at her like she was the world and not some kind of trophy or property like Charlie had. She couldn’t let the ghost of what he did to her hold her back any longer.    

“Yes.  Yes, as soon as my lease is up!”  Tara threw herself at him, pressing her lips to his fiercely.

Charlie sat in the issued vehicle with his hands knuckle white on the steering wheel as he listened in on the conversation from the frequency amplifier. No, this couldn’t happen.  It wouldn’t happen.  He reached into the glove compartment and tapped on the side twice, a Kingsman pistol with a silencer attached popped out of the bottom and he it pulled out.  Checking to make sure it was loaded and ready in case he needed to do anything tonight. Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that and tonight would be just another night of scouting, sneaking in after they were asleep and just… watching.

~

Tonight was not going to be a scouting night.

The moans from Tara’s bedroom came through so clear on the radio that Charlie might as well have been in there with them.  He had helped himself to the scotch in the back of the cab and alternated between sloppy mouthfuls, the alcohol running down his chin to soak into his shirt, and contemplating just putting the pistol in his mouth instead.  His eyes were red and irritated from staring at his fucking phone for two days straight, his body screamed for hydration and food, instead he kept feeding it scotch.

“Yes, yes.  Fuck! Michael!”  Her moans blared through the speakers and Charlie could just imagine how she was bent over letting him fuck her like a common whore.

Heavy breathing took the place of the moans and soon everything dissolved into obnoxious whispers about how much they loved each other and how nice it would be when she finally moved in with him.  

“Shut up!  Shut up shut up shut up shut up!”  He screamed so loud he could feel the strain on his vocal cords, his fist slamming into the radio repeatedly until he had damaged it to white noise.

Blood began to dot the interior of the car as it dripped down his hand, at least three broken knuckles and metacarpals, but the scotch had numbed everything.  All he felt was rage.  Charlie drug a hand down his face trying to hide the drunk sobs that were bubbling past his lips and chased them back down with the last of the scotch.  He threw the empty bottle against the passenger window where it shattered, a piece of it flying out to embed into his arm.  With the pistol tucked safely into his waist band Charlie spilled out of the cab and stumbled toward the apartment building. He made a very impressive vertical jump to grip the metal rod of a sign and used his momentum to swing and grab onto the bottom of her balcony.  Despite his drunken state he could still remember everything Eggys had taught him about parkour and gymnastics.

He lifted himself up and over the ledge; muscles straining through the thin, white shirt that was stained with perspiration as more slid down his neck.  God, they didn’t even have the fucking decency to close the curtains.  Charlie stood outside for a few seconds and simply watched them sleep, his harsh breaths fogging up the window and blocking his view.  Michael had an arm wrapped protectively around Tara, his face cradled in her neck and hair.  Idiots didn’t even lock the fucking balcony door, she must have wanted him to come in and save her.  

Tara felt warm and heavy wrapped in the blanket and Michael’s arms, could feel his chest rise and fall against her bare back, the soft cotton of his briefs rubbing against her ass.  She was so content she didn’t even register the sound of breathing until something cold and metal was pressed onto her shoulder.  Her eyes blinked open and Tara felt like a bucket of ice water had just been dumped on her.  

Charlie Hesketh stood above her.  A gun hanging limply by his side.

“Hello, love.  Miss me? I missed you so much, Tara.  So fucking much.”

She was frozen in place, only able to stare up at him before he pressed the barrel of the gun into Michael’s arm and shoved, stirring him awake.

“Oi, oi!  What the fuck, who are you?”  Michael was up immediately his intimidating stature not seeming to be effective on the just as tall man standing in his girlfriend’s bedroom.

“Charlie, mate.  Now, I need you to get the fuck out of here and stay away from my fiancé.”

“Fiance?  Listen mate you better get the fuck out of here because I won’t call the police I’ll just kick your ass.”  He hadn’t seemed to notice the gun, Charlie needed to fix that.

There was a quiet pop! A bullet grazing Michael’s calf and embedding itself into the drywall.  She’d never get back the security deposit back.

“Ah fuck!  Fuck! You fucking shot me!”

Tara was sitting up now, heart pounding in her ears, everything was happening in slow motion.  

“GET OUT!”  It came out as a guttural roar barely sounding human as he shot two more bullets into the floorboard near Michael’s feet.

And he did.  Michael, the one she thought was her saving grace to make her life better, half crawled half ran out the bedroom and the front door leaving nothing but a trail of blood and his dignity behind.  She wasn’t able to mourn his abandonment for long because a hand wrapped around her upper arm and tried yanking her up.  Only for Tara to clutch the sheets to her chest and fall to the floor at his feet where the barrel of the gun was pressed to her head.

“I could handle you leaving.  Even lying about me in court to get that fucking restraining order!  And- and- and then, oh then you have to go and fucking post about him all over social media like a fucking whore.  You did it on purpose, didn’t you?  Hmm? To fucking lure me back here.”  He was bent down now, his mouth pressed against her hair.  The smell of scotch, sweat, and two day old after shave permeating around him.

“N-no, no.  Charlie, please.  Please stop, honey don’t do this-“  Tara tried breathing, a panic attack beginning to tighten her chest and make her dry heave. Memories suddenly getting jumbled together-

“Charlie honey, please don’t do this.”  Tara was cornered in the kitchen crying, terrified of the ceramic bowl Charlie was holding in his hand.  Other dishes were broken into pieces on the floor.

“I ask you to do one thing for me.  One!”

“Charlie, it’s 5 fucking dishes!  The world isn’t going to end if I leave 5 dishes in the sink until after dinner!  Stop being such a fucking psycho!”  The bowl he was holding suddenly connected with the nice oak cabinets next to her head as he advanced on her.

“Don’t ever fucking call me that again.  Do you have any idea what I do for you?  I let you live with me in this gorgeous house that you could never afford to stay in otherwise in your pathetic fucking life.”

Tara didn’t back down from him.  She was tired of this, “you can’t afford this either. Your parents pay for this house you spoiled little brat!  You don’t do anything!”

It suddenly felt like her eye and ear had exploded, she forgets how large Charlie’s palm is sometimes.  How much of her face it can cover when he slaps her.  The blood vessels in her eye would be popped the next day, that isn’t something you can hide with make up…

“I don’t do anything?  I don’t do anything?”  His hands suddenly around her throat, thumbs crisscrossing against her wind pipe and fingers meeting at the nape of her neck., “you don’t do anything.  You’re lucky I even fucking looked at you, you’re so lucky to be with ME you useless fucking-”

Whatever he had said after that faded into blackness as he squeezed harder and pressed her into the counter-

“I said stand up!”  He was standing again, screaming at her as she sobbed on the floor.

She tried to stand, but fell back to the floor her legs too weak, “I-I can’t.  Charlie, please-”

“Is that all you can say to me?”  He went back to squatting in front of her, his eyes raw from crying, the tears running down his face freely. “Please?  Fucking please!”

He grabbed a fistful of hair and yanked her head back as he stood. The gun suddenly pressed right under her chin and Tara began to scream.  Charlie didn’t seem to mind and yelled over her.

“I begged you not to leave!  I said I would take therapy, counseling whatever the fuck you wanted and you still left me!  Why should I listen to your begging, Tara?  Why?  I should just do it.  I can you know, I do it for a living because unlike you in your little fucking office job I actually help the world.  I kill people every single day and you’d be no different.”

“No no no no no.  I’m sorry, I’ll stay I’ll marry you.  Whatever you want honey.  I’m sorry I was so stupid-”

“Shut up!”  His vocal cords tore even more, curls stuck to his forehead from sweat, “It’s better this way.  For both of us-”

It was happening.  He going to do it.  Tara stared up at her ceiling and closed her eyes, praying for something, anything.

“I love you.  M’ sorry it had to come to this.”

“Charlie, no!”

His finger flexed around the trigger as several beams of light suddenly shone on him accompanied by screaming.

“Drop it!  Drop the fucking gun or I will drop you!  Step away from her, hands on your head!  I said hands on your fucking head pretty boy!”

After an officer had Charlie’s cheek smashed into the hardwood floor he saw Michael run into the bedroom, a paramedic chasing after him, and slide to the floor by Tara’s side.  He had gone to get help.  Of fucking course.  

He had sweated out all the scotch, it left behind a pounding headache.

~

Merlin was in sweats and a stained tshirt when he picked up Charlie a few hours later at the station.  The Scotsman looked fucking livid.

“Kingsman resources.  Ye used kingsman resources to stalk your ex-girlfriend.  Charlie do ye have any fucking idea how many strings, how many cover ups I have to do to fix this.  Anyone else would have left ye in that cell.  Harry- fuck, Arthur is not to know about this, ye hear me?  Don’t open your fucking mouth at all.”

Charlie’s forehead laid against the car window. He felt like shit. Being berated by the only authority figure he ever looked up to in his life didn’t help.

“I don’t know what to do, Merlin.  I didn’t have anyone else to call.  You helped me with the anger management stuff I just…”

“We’re putting you in therapy.”

“No-”

Merlin suddenly turned the wheel, sending the car into a dead end street with no cars and slamming on the brake.

“You just ruined someone’s life.  All you fuckin’ posh brats don’t seem to understand what that means. Charles, you put a gun to a civilian’s throat and threatened her life.  Startin’ tomorrow you’re going to therapy and I’m putting you on mental recuperation leave until you’re safe to go out on missions.  You’re gonna be on Manor arrest until I can trust ye not to try this again.”

Merlin’s age was showing as he pinched the bridge of his nose and tried not to look at the young agent by his side who had started to cry, his face still turned towards the window.

~

It had been a month or so now.  Tara honestly hadn’t been counting.  Too busy moving her things into Michael’s place, he was with her every step of the way now.  Through the therapy, the crying, the nightmares.  Sometimes it was both of them waking up at night in a cold sweat, Michael’s calf burning from the memory of the bullet.

But it was getting better.

It was a sunny day for once.  A breeze blowing through the open window as Tara folded some linen to put in the hall closet, smiling at the thought of baby blankets in there one day. She was distracted from the daydream by a faint meow and looked down to see a much fatter Niko staring up at her like he had never been gone.

“Niko!  Baby!” The cat purred in her arms as she held him noticing the new collar with a golden sideways K on it.  The same symbol on the letterheads that announced they would be paying off any debt she owed.  

It always came down to power and money, didn’t it?  Just another thing to be swept under the rug.

[sky-scribbles]

The Adaar Backstory, part 2

The saga of Inquisitor Talan Adaar and his family continues, with added angst and drama! First part is here. 

Part Two, in which everything goes wrong.

Happiness can’t last forever in any backstory I give my OCs.

When Meraad came into her magic, her family tried very hard to keep it secret. In Rivain, apostasy wasn’t quite as unforgivable as in other provinces, but they knew they might be shunned by their neighbours - their only source of coin - if people found out. Templars and prejudiced neighbours weren’t the only problem; Aban and Issala had always been taught that mages were ‘dangerous things,’ and while they didn’t believe for a moment that their sweet, shy daughter could corrupt anyone, they knew she could be vulnerable to demon possession. They also had no idea how to help her.

They considered leaving their home and travelling to find one of the famous Rivaini hedge mages, who might give Meraad some training, but it never came to that. One of their neighbours was, in fact, an undercover Ben-Hassrath agent who had been posted in the village to keep an eye on the family. The Adaars lived close enough to Qunari lands to be considered a potential threat, even though they didn’t raid and cause trouble like most Tal-Vashoth, so they were kept watched. The agent worked out that Meraad was a mage, and reported to the Qunari, who sent an Arvaarad to deal with the problem. Even if it was outside their official territory, they wouldn’t allow a Saarebas so close to their own lands.

Now, the Arvaarad in question was, as his kind go, not a bad sort. He genuinely respected, even cared for, the mages in his care, admiring their struggle against corruption and doing what he could to help them. He saw them as perfect embodiments of the self-sacrifice demanded by the Qun. When ordered to deal with this Vashoth mage, he didn’t choose what most Arvaarads in his position would have - just killing her and getting it done with. Instead, he decided that the girl should have a chance to be brought to the enlightenment of the Qun and serve her people. His superiors were willing to give him a bit of free reign, because he always got good results with the Karataams he commanded.

So Arvaarad led a small party to the Adaar settlement and demanded that they hand over Meraad. Naturally, the family refused. They tried to fight, but Issala - who had no combat skills - was killed quickly, and Aban was seriously wounded. When the Arvaraad grabbed Meraad and wrenched her away, Talan knew his best chance was to stay and heal his father rather than keep fighting and inevitably be killed himself.

As soon as Aban was healed, father and son set off together to find Meraad. Talan had to say his farewells to Aisha - who was heartbroken, but who completely understood that Talan needed to save his sister, and that it was too dangerous for them to ever return to the village. Years later, I think she’ll get wind of the fact that her former boyfriend is now Inquisitor, and will travel to Skyhold to see what she can do to help. She’ll end up as an assistant to the Quartermaster (she’ll end up doing half his work for him), and maaaybe will eventually get together with Cullen.

Now for a completely new bit of backstory.

In my most recent Inquisition playthrough, I found myself chatting with Bull about Seheron. For some reason I don’t think I’ve had that conversation with him before - I must have somehow just missed it - so when he started talking about the Fog Warriors, I was suddenly struck by something. Fog Warriors use alchemy to create fog, then attack from stealth.

Talan Adaar is a Tempest rogue, a talented alchemist, and a stealth master. He, along with his father, also spent years tracking Meraad across Par Vollen and Seheron. He despises the Qun-loyal, and knows how to survive in the wilderness.

It suddenly seems obvious to me: Talan and his father ran with the Fog Warriors for some of that time. That was where Talan went from someone who whipped together useful potions for his family to sell, to a man who used potions in combat. That was where he learned to melt into shadows, despite being six foot nine and built like a mountain. The Adaars probably had a mutually beneficial exchange with the rebels - they fought with the Warriors, and the Warriors helped them get information about where Meraad might be.

Talan found a second love with the Warriors - one of their number, a young woman whose name I haven’t decided on yet but will possibly be called Hasa (and there’s a slim chance of me someday creating her as an Inquisitor.) She was born a Fog Warrior, knew Seheron and the art of alchemy-aided fighting like the back of her hand, and was rather amused by Talan’s ignorance. Though a little snappish with him at first, seeing him as having lead a soft and easy life while she’d been fighting since she was a child, she took him under her wing and taught him the Fog Warrior arts. Thus, Talan became a dual-wielding rogue and gained the abilities he’d one day adapt into the Tempest arts. He and Hasa shared a deep love, but for a painfully short time. The Warriors unearthed a lead about Meraad, and Aban and Talan had to leave to pursue it.

So, what was going on with Meraad all this time?

The Qunari brought her into he Saarebas life with double their normal force, believing they had to stamp out the taint of her having lived in the world outside the Qun. Meraad, crushed and suffering both physically and emotionally, accepted what she was told about being a monster and her magic being a vile destructive force... but she never forgot her family. She didn’t forget that she loved them, and while she never harboured thoughts of rebellion or escape, she refused to forget her childhood. She even created a secret method to remind herself of her former life: every night, she recited the Qun chant (as best as anyone can whose lips are sewn shut) that includes the words, ‘meraad astaarit, meraad itwasit, aban aqun.’ To her Arvaarad, it seemed she was just being an obedient Saarebas reciting the Qun, but she was of course reminding herself of her real name, and that of her father. Often she’d add, on finishing, ‘this is the truth, and all else is dust’ - thus working in her brother and mother’s names, too.

She lived like this for five years, until Talan and Aban tracked her down using the Fog Warriors’ information. She and her Arvaarad were being sent, along with a small military force, to take out some troublesome Tal-Vashoth bandits. It was the first chance the Adaars had had to rescue her when she wasn’t accompanied by other mages - they knew that killing her Arvaarad would lead to any Qun-loyal mages in her Karataam killing themselves, so they had to wait until Meraad was the only mage in the group.

Thus, as the party travelled, the Adaars interrupted them en route with some alchemical fog. While the Qunari were blundering about in it, Talan and Aban took out a few of them with some well-aimed stealth strikes, wounding the Arvaarad; then Aban managed to lead the bulk of them away. Meraad, knowing she was expected to stay with her Arvaarad at all times, stuck with him while the rest of their group rushed off after Aban. It was the perfect opportunity for Talan to break his cover and challenge the Arvaarad.

When Arvaarad saw what he thought was a Fog Warrior looming out of the mist, his first thought was to protect his Saarebas charge. He jumped in front of her, tried to parry Talan’s blows, but quickly realised he was at a disadvantage. He shouted to his Saarebas to help, and she obediently raised a fireball to do so - and it was in that moment that Talan shouted her name, and she finally recognised her brother.

Without really thinking about what she was doing, she directed her fire at the Arvaarad instead.

A moment later, she was utterly terrified by what she’d done, but Talan was able to calm her enough for him to destroy her control device and unlock her chains. Moments later, Aban joined them, but he didn’t have much of a lead on the Qunari - they’d finally realised he was trying to distract them. The Adaars ran for it - but as they did, an Ashaad (maybe even one of Aban’s former comrades, for maximum angst) hurled a spear at him that struck him in the back.

Aban wrenched it out, hurled it back at their pursuers, and told his children to run. He knew that with his wound, he’d only slow them down - so instead, he stayed, and bought Talan and Meraad the time to escape with his blood.

With the stealth skills he’d been taught, Talan was able to get Meraad to safety and lose the pursuing Qunari. Their struggles, though, were far from over.

Part 3