#if this one does well I'll share the other one :)

[act-nat-ural]

First Sight

@dira333: what if you're related or friends with the Miya twins and they accidentally or not set you up with someone on the msby roster? Meian is really cute if you know the manga, but there's also Sakusa, Hinata or Bokuto

word count: 1782

Osamu had already closed Miya Onigiri for the day, yet his two favorite moochers were still sitting at a booth consuming his food for free. He sighs, having already locked the doors, and put the chairs on top of the tables. He takes a seat next to Atsumu and joins your guys’ conversation. “I’m just sayin’,” Atsumu starts, “If yer so lonely, go out an’ meet someone. It's not that hard.”He finishes his sentence by taking a gigantic bite. He nods to himself like he made a great point, though you and Osamu are giving him side eyes. 

“And how would ya know that? Ya haven’t gone on a date in over three months.” You point out.

Osamu snorts and adds, “Last relationship I remember you cryin’ like a baby, saying’ that ya would never love again.” 

Atsumu scoffs and mumbles a “Shuddup!” while you let out a deep sigh and rest your head on the cool surface of the table. “It's not fair.” You whine. “I've got like, no love life. Why don’t ya set me up with yer hot friends?” 

They share a look for a minute, then at the same time say “No.” You scoff and slam a hand on the table. 

“Why the hell not!” 

Osamu raises his hands in defense while Atsumu enters ‘big brother mode’. “Yer our only sister, and I love ya too much to set ya up with the idiots I call friends. Yer too good for them!” You roll your eyes but he continues. “Omi probably has some secret girlfriend already, Shoyo only thinks about volleyball, and Koutaro’s.. Well, he's.. I dunno. But I don’t trust them with ya!”

You groan and give Osamu a pleading look. “Please?” He gives you a deadpan look.

“It's a hard no. I’d have to kill Rintaro if he even looked at ya wrong.” You groan and throw your hands in the air.

“Gimme a break! I’m a grown woman, I can handle myself.” They both burst into laughter, so you kick Atsumu under the table.

“Owch! Hey!” 

–

You were watching a movie at home by yourself when you heard your phone start to buzz. You glance away from the screen to see ‘Samu’ in bold letters pop up on your phone. You pause the move and check the text he sent you.

Samu: Hey. You still looking for a date?

Your eyes widen and you start to squeal. “Yes! ‘Samu for the win.” You start to celebrate prematurely when your phone buzzes again. 

Samu: I have an idea but Tsumu wouldn’t like it lolol

Your smile drops and you grab the phone to respond.

You: what does that even mean…

Samu: Sooo have you ever met his team before?

You: no, I’ve met Kiyoomi but only briefly. why?? who are you thinking of?? Omg 

Samu: that desperation is exactly what made me think of him LMAO

You gasp in offense and angrily respond, 

You: WTF DOES THAT MEAN 

Samu: anyway! 🙂 I was thinking of inviting some of the team to my place for dinner or something, you wanna come? you can’t tell Tsumu you’re coming though or he'd throw a fit or smth.

You chew on your lip in thought. On one hand, you really want to meet someone. On the other, if it ends up not working out, it could really make things awkward for your brother and his friends. You pause. He’ll be fine.

You: I'll be there :) love you!

Meanwhile, Osamu sighs and leans back against the headboard. “She better not say I never do anything for her. Hmph.”

Samu: love you too 🙄

–

Osamu was drying his hands when he heard the doorbell ring. “Comin’.” He opens the door and there stands Atsumu, Kiyoomi, Shoyo, and Kotaro. Atsmu gives a cheeky grin, holding up a case of beer.

“I come bearing gifts.” Koutaro blinks in confusion.

“But I bought it-”

“Shush.”

Osamu moves aside so they can all come in. “No one else comin’?” Kiyoomi shakes his head.

“Shugo was going to but he got caught up with something. The rest all had other arrangements.” Osamu nods in understanding. Shoyo immediately beelines for the kitchen.

“What smells so good? I’m starving!”

Kiyoomi furrows his brows stating, “You ate the whole way here.”

Just then, the doorbell rings again. This time there is no need to open the door, because you just so happen to have a key. “Hello!” You stroll in like you own the place. Osamu has to fight to hold his laugh in when he sees the look on Atsumu’s face. 

“I didn’t know what to bring so I just brought cookies. I think I burnt them though.” You mumble. Kiyoomi gives you a nod in acknowledgment as you set the platter of charred baked goods on the counter. “Soo… are ya gonna introduce me?”

“Samu. What is she doing here?” Atsumu chokes out. You scoff.

 “I’m literally standing right here.”

“What? I can’t invite our own sister to my apartment?” Osamu gives an innocent shrug. 

“This was supposed to be a guys night!” Atsumu complains childishly. 

Shoyo pipes in, “I don’t mind! The more people the better. Right, Bokuto? ….Bokuto?”

–

If you had asked Koutaro then, he would have sworn he had never seen a more beautiful girl. The moment you walked in the door it was like he lost all of the air in his chest. He almost texted Keiji to ask what a heart attack felt like. His heart thumped in his chest and he could feel his hands start to get sweaty. Pretty girl. I’m not good around pretty girls. 

He didn’t even realize that he was being spoken to until Shoyo poked his arm. “Huh? Wha? Oh- Yes. Stay. Please.” Everyone just kind of stares at him for a moment before moving on. He accidentally stares at you while you get introduced to Shoyo, yet you don’t notice till Atsumu tries introducing him. You give a shy smile and a wave, and that's all he needs to see to know that he's a goner.��

–

You had never taken a good look at Koutaro Bokuto before this, and boy do you wish you had. Everything about him had you feeling weak in the knees. He was very built, taking up a large portion of the sofa that he was sitting on. You had snuck a glance at his back while walking in and Jesus. That man was built like a Greek god. His golden eyes seemed to never leave your figure, and he kept giving you a dopey smile. You give a small smile back and wave, hoping you don’t make a fool of yourself. Later, you swore you saw Osamu give you a thumbs up, but he denies it.

Everyone else flocks to the kitchen to start getting something to eat, yet you and Koutaro stay behind. You hesitantly sit down beside him, a few feet away. You both give sheepish smiles directed at the other, not sure what to say. Just then, Osamu comes back. “Darn. We’re out of soy sauce. Koutaro, (Name), do ya guys mind going to the market and grabbing some?” He says, not very convincingly. 

Shoyo gives him a confused look and starts, “But there was some-” 

“Shush.”

Koutaro immediately shoots up from his seat. “Yeah, we can get it!” He gives you a beaming smile and you can’t help but return in. He lends you a hand up from the sofa, practically bouncing with excitement. “We’ll be back soon.” Osamu gives you a wink and pats your back. 

“Take your time.”

You and Koutaro are silent for a while as you walk to the nearest market. You notice that while his strides are larger than yours, he slows his pace to match yours. He shoves his hands in his pockets and takes a glance around

“So, what do you do for fun?” He turns and asks suddenly. You hum in thought.

 “I guess I hang out with my brothers a lot. I watch movies alone sometimes. Work has kept me busy recently, so I haven’t been doing much recently.” He nods in understanding.

He clears his throat before inquiring, “You don’t watch movies with your boyfriend?” 

You smile and shake your head, laughing. “No, I don’t have one.” He stops walking and gawks at you.

 “Seriously?! You're single?!” You raise your eyebrows in surprise and nod slowly. 

“Yeah.. why? Is it that surprising?” He shakes his head yes enthusiastically. 

“I totally thought you’d be married or something, you're so pretty.”

You go quiet. “Really?”

“Yes! Really! Man, I thought I had like no shot.” He adds. You both freeze and look at each other wide eyed.

 “Huh?”

 “What?”

You sputter and point at him. “Ya just- ya said ya thought-” 

“I- well-!” You both stand on the sidewalk, fidgeting with your hands. He scratches his head and blushes. “Are you free tomorrow?” 

You had never said yes faster in your life.

– 

You two were dying of laughter, wiping your eyes from tears. “Man, I wish I had sisters.” You say. 

“Yeah, they're pretty cool.” He says matter of factly. You both had gotten sidetracked and never ended up going to the market. Currently, he and you were sitting on a pair of swings at a local park. Your phone buzzes softly and you apologize to him before checking it. 

Tsumu: where tf did you go 

You: don’t cockblock me <3

Tsumu: PARDON?

You click your phone to silent before turning back to Koutaro. “Now, where were we?”

–

It only took a few dates before he asked you to be his girlfriend. You agreed, of course. You would've said yes if he had asked the night you met, if you were honest. Atsumu begrudgingly gave Koutaro his blessing to propose a couple years into dating. Osamu was a bit offended that he didn't ask him, considering he was responsible for you two meeting.

Koutaro was terrible at keeping secrets, so he ended up proposing the second he got home after ring shopping. You felt a bit ambushed, having been washing dishes in unwashed pajamas, but it was still a definite yes.

Currently, Atsumu was walking up to the mic to give a speech during your wedding. You rest your head on Koutaro’s shoulder, and he intertwines your fingers. Atsumu pokes the microphone and the feedback screeches, bothering everyone.

“Ahem. Now, if anyone knows me, they know I love my sister. That, and I only want what's best for her. That having been said, I would like a ‘thank you’ for this marriage, considering it was my idea to get ya together.”

“Liar!”

note: i just realized i keep writing the twins shushing people lol. Bokuto is so fun to write for 😭 he’s so silly

[mytearsbuckochet]

What's your most hated Bummy scene?? I'll tell you mine. It has to be the kiss in the hospital lobby and buck getting outed because of his soot covered mouth. Never hated a 911 episode more than that. I love Buck. They just made a mockery out of him by that scene.

Where do I even start.. Couldn't agree more about the soot scene, although I'm more angry at the writers about that one than I am at Tommy, given how important it was to Buck that he came out to Eddie and Maddie on his own terms and how much weight he gave those interactions I feel like even though that one was supposed to be a cute little "hehe look this is very Buck coded", it fell short in that I would've liked everyone else at the 118 to find out in a more heartfelt way ya know??

In terms of my least favourite(s), the whole arc with billy boils was a very interesting play by the writers in that it highlighted the differences between Eddie and Tommy in a meaningful way. On one hand, Eddie, who has presumably been with Buck in the hospital the whole time he was being treated for his boils, is used to Buck's hyperfixations and Wiki deep dives, and finds them wholesome and cute. I reblogged a post a little bit ago where Buck told Maddie about how her and Chim always finish each others sentences and that theyre basically already dating, and then contrasted with how Eddie was finishing Buck's sentences in that scene. Buddie fanatic aside (I will admit im obsessed with these two idiots), THIS is the kind of domesticity I've always wanted for Buck's partners, where they acknowledge and love those little moments that he has.

Now lets go ahead and look at Tommy's side of this whole thing: Tommy's reaction to seeing the boils + how he treated and viewed Buck's obsession as exactly that, an obsession + the graveyard scene??? You can break it down into "oh well Buddie have known eachother since s2, Bummy have been together 6 months", but from my perspective the fact that Buck didn't even realise Tommy didn't like women until their 6 month anniversary (???) just goes to show that they don't really know that much about one another. Tommy was completely right in the breakup scene; he was definitely not Buck's last, and the poor guy is definitely in need of some self exploration (#letbuckfuck) before I'd be happy to see Buddie honestly (and thats not even considering the work that needs to be done on Eddie, my guy is going through it rn with Chris). Anyway; I just read this amazing fic by playinginthundestorms (on ao3) and I think the way they described Tommy (slightly Tommy bashing), was overall how I imagine he sees Buck. It never really felt like Tommy was fond of these little things Buck does in the way that Eddie (and the rest of the 118) are, more seeing him as childish or juvenile as the fic described. And it makes sense, tommy is older than Buck. A whole other can of worms and probably the icing on the cake for me was the Abby debacle, the misogyny really showed??? like man you have not changed since Hen my lord. Calling Abby out for running off with some "himbo half her age" was wild considering thats what he is currently doing with Buck? Especially with all the shit she had to go through with her mum at the time? Like what on earth is your excuse Temu? Anyway, to cut a long rant short, I actually have given you like 50 reasons, but i definitely think that Tommy was a well placed plot device and it was obvious from the start. Also, ABC could've chosen ANYONE to be Buck's first experience with a man and they were like yep lets use the racist homophobe from Chim and Hen begins cos why not?! I probably would've had a far less negative opinion of him if he was a fresh character, and I think that's on purpose, I think it would be really interesting if they go down the road of hen and chim sharing their experiences with Tommy now that they've broken up, and that they didn't say anything cos they just wanted Buck to be happy. Definitely after that heartfelt scene with Hen especially, that I didn't get cos of that bloody soot scene.

[sjsmith56]

A Better Man, Part 8 - Attachments

Summary: Bucky and Andrea’s date goes well until an unwelcome interruption. When the unthinkable happens a few days later, Bucky takes action.

Length: 5.2 K

Characters: Bucky, Andrea, Steve, Sam, Natasha, Brock Rumlow, Winnifred, Thor, Nick Fury.

Warnings: Feelings of betrayal, anger, angst, description and threats of violence.

Author notes: It was bound to happen.

<<Part 7

Part 8

When Bucky arrived at the apartment his mother was already there but there was no opportunity to ask her about Nick Fury, not with Andrea sitting next to her, already dressed for their date.  He showered, shaved, and changed, coming out to the sight of his mother reading one of the board books to Lily, smiling broadly at the faces the little girl made.  It made him realize how much she already loved Lily and Andrea. 

"There are several frozen bottles of breast milk in the freezer," said Andrea.  "Just thaw one out in lukewarm water, then warm it up in warmer water.  Make sure to shake it before you feed her.  Her diaper will likely need to be changed before you put her in her crib.  I'll keep my phone on vibrate if you have any problems."

"Go, and don't worry about anything," said Winnifred.  "We'll be just fine.  You two have a good time."

Bucky kissed her on the cheek then took Andrea's hand as they went to the elevator.  By the time they got down to the lobby he had almost forgotten about Fury's man watching the building, not even checking the area before they got into the Uber that was picking them up.  When they arrived at the dinner club, Steve and Natasha were waiting outside on the sidewalk for them.  The women hugged each other, then Sam and Maria arrived.  The two women were introduced to Bucky.  Andrea hadn't met Maria before but had heard about her from Natasha.  By the time they got inside and led to their table, they were laughing together as if they had known each other for some time. 

Dinner was fun, as they each ordered something different, but shared tastes of their food with everyone else, comparing their choices.  There was a lot of laughter, some gentle teasing and sharing of funny stories.  When the dinner plates were being cleared, and the server came for their dessert orders, Andrea asked Bucky if they could share something. 

"What do you like?" he asked, a soft smile on his face.

"Anything with chocolate," she said, then she reconsidered.  "Wait, I don't know if Lily will react to it.  Maybe I should stick to something blander, just in case."  He looked blankly at her.  "Whatever I eat can show up in the breast milk.  Too much chocolate can upset a baby's tummy.  Maybe cheesecake would be a better choice, or something with apples."

He looked again at the dessert menu.  "There is an apple crumble with caramel sauce.  How does that sound?"

"Perfect," she smiled, then she looked at the server.  "May I have decaf tea with that?"

When it came and two spoons were put on their place settings, Bucky slid the serving over to her to try first.  Dipping her spoon in to the crumble part, she made sure there was caramel on it, then raised it to her mouth. 

"Oh my God, this is so good!" 

Bucky took a taste and agreed.  They fed each other on occasion, drawing smiles from the others.  It was a perfect way to end the meal.  Natasha leaned over to Steve and whispered in his ear.  He whispered back making her nod.  Neither would share what they said but it was certain they were both happy for their respective friends at how good they seemed together.

The music started and as promised, it was very laid back, lending itself to close dancing.  They all got up to take part, enjoying the mellow atmosphere.  After several songs, Bucky and Andrea sat back down, to refresh themselves.  She checked her phone, making sure that Bucky's mother hadn't called or texted.  Excusing himself to use the men's room, Bucky got up, leaving Andrea on her own as the others continued dancing.  She watched them, then was aware that someone had sat beside her.  Assuming it was Bucky, she was shocked to see Brock Rumlow.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, pulling herself away.

"Free country," he replied.  "What are you doing here?  Shouldn't you be home looking after my daughter?"

"You're not her father."  How did he know I had a girl?  "You can't just show up whenever you please and claim she's your child."

"What are you doing here, Rumlow?" asked Steve, suddenly at the table with Sam.  "You're not welcome here."

"I'm having a conversation with the mother of my child," smirked the man.  "Beat it."

Bucky approached, stepping between Andrea and Rumlow.  "The lady doesn't want anything to do with you," he stated.  "I would suggest you leave."

"Taking my sloppy seconds, huh?" grinned the swarthy man.  He stood up.  "I wasn't good enough for her, so she sets her sights on the golden boy of renovations.  Does she know the truth about you and Barnes Contracting?"

"You need to leave," said Natasha, holding up her badge.  "This is bordering on harassment, and I have no qualms about making an arrest.  You're the one who didn't want anything to do with Andrea or her baby, so get lost, loser."

"NYPD?  Do you know who you're hanging out with?"  Maria flashed her badge and Rumlow stepped back, holding up his hands in surrender.  "Andrea, consider this a notice that I intend to sue for custody of our daughter.  Since you're not working and you're living off the charity of others I'm sure a family court judge will be willing to give her to me.  You all have a good evening."

With another smirk, he left.  Bucky put his arms around Andrea right away, kissing her hair.  She was shaken then she looked at Natasha.

"Can he do that?  Can he get custody of her?"

"Over my dead body," she answered.  "He's just trying to frighten you.  The guy is a major asshole."

"What did he mean about knowing the truth?"  She looked at all of them, noticing they weren't jumping to say they didn't know.  "Bucky?  What did he mean?"

He swallowed nervously, looking at the others.  "We should go home so I can talk to you there."

"No, I want to know what he meant.  Natasha, what was he talking about?"

"Andrea, you really should go with Bucky.  This isn't the place ...."

"Would somebody please tell me what the hell he meant?" 

She sounded like she was on the verge of panicking as her voice caused everyone in the club to stop talking and look at them.  The manager asked them to leave as they were disturbing the other patrons.  Taking her purse and jacket, she headed towards the door and out onto the sidewalk.  Steve murmured he would take care of the bill while the others went out to where Andrea glared at all of them.  With a sigh, Bucky stood in front of her.

"There's something I haven't told you," he said.  "I've wanted to, but everything was going so well, and I really was trying to do the right thing in getting out of it.  Barnes Contracting is an actual general contracting company, and Steve, Sam and I have our legal contractor's licenses, but we haven't only taken on renovations.  Most of our revenue stream until a few weeks ago was providing a service to several other businesses, most of them weren't legitimate.  We held on to stolen goods for them, transporting them to their customers after the heat was off.  When I met you, I knew that it wasn't something I wanted you to be associated with, so we changed to just renovations, legal ones.  No more holding stolen goods."

She pushed him hard enough to make him stumble a little as her lips trembled with anger.  Bucky impassively took it without comment.  She breathed heavily with disbelief at what he just told her. 

"It's true," said Natasha, trying to intervene on Bucky's behalf.  "They aren't like Brock, Andrea.  They never were involved in the things he was."

"You knew and you didn't say anything?  You encouraged me to see him, to become close to him ... to fall in love with him." Natasha looked down, unable to say anything more.  "Now, I don't even have a place to live, because he has torn my house apart."

"You don't have to leave," said Bucky.

"I'm not staying with a crook," she shouted, all of her anger bursting out in the effort, then she placed her shaking hand on her forehead.  "Your mother, she knows?"  He nodded and she groaned in frustration.  "You're horrible people.  All of you.  Now, I might lose my daughter.  I don't have a job and the money that I was living on when I had a house won't support me for longer than a couple of months if I have to find a place to rent."

It was too much for her and she suddenly wavered, then fainted.  Steve caught her, lifting her up in his arms. 

"Where's your car?" he asked.

"We took an Uber," replied Bucky.  "You?"

"We walked," he answered.  "Taxi."

Bucky hailed a cab.  At first, the driver wouldn't take Bucky and Andrea, considering the state she was in, but Natasha showed him her badge and told him it was okay.  For $50 cash, he said he would consider it.  Sam opened his wallet and gave him the money.  During the drive, Andrea came around, but she wouldn't let Bucky touch her. 

"I'm sorry, but there was no easy way to tell you," he said.  "I wanted to.  I really did."

"I don't believe you," she answered. 

"Look, you stay in the apartment.  I'll pack a bag and live at my mother's place.  I'll get your place done as soon as possible so you can move back, at my expense."

"Right," she answered.  "Since I don't have the money to pay you, are you going to send your enforcer to break my kneecaps?"

"No, I don't have an enforcer.  I don't do that.  The only thing I did was hold onto stuff and make deliveries.  That's it."

She looked out the window on the other side of the back seat, not saying a word.  Bucky realized he was chewing on his fingernails and stopped, lacing his fingers together in his lap.  Damn Brock Rumlow for being the asshole he always was.  Damn him for showing up and opening his big mouth.  Damn himself for not being honest with Andrea from the beginning.  She didn't wait for him when the driver pulled up to the apartment building.  As Bucky paid, she got out and hurried to the door, then to the elevator, getting in and not holding the doors for him.  He waited the few minutes it took for the elevator to return to the main floor then got on, hoping that she stayed there.  When he got to his floor, he saw his mother sitting on a tall stool at the kitchen counter.  Her face said it all.

"Where is she?" he asked.

"In her room.  She said you're moving out while you finish her house.  What happened?"

"Brock Rumlow showed up."  His mother sighed and lowered her head, just imagining how that went.  "Said he's going to sue her for custody then he asked her if she knew the truth about me.  I had to tell her.  She wouldn't let it go."

He went to his room, pulling out a large suitcase and throwing his clothes in.  Winnifred stood in the doorway.  Hesitating for a moment, he glanced at her.

"Why would Nick Fury have someone watching my place?"

She breathed out noticeably.  "I asked him to have someone watching Andrea.  I knew that if Pierce found out about Lily, he would come for her.  Family is everything to him and even if Brock Rumlow didn't want her, Pierce would."

He closed his suitcase, then looked at her again.  "Why would Mrs. Parker tell us that the enemy of our enemy is our friend?  What did she mean?"

"Just that Nick Fury has his sights set on Hydra Contracting and Alexander Pierce.  They have been involved in a battle of wits for as long as you've been alive.  You don't have to worry about him coming after you or Barnes Contracting.  He has no interest in the company."

He picked up the suitcase then looked at her again.  "That's not the whole story, is it?"  She said nothing and gave nothing away.  "Need to know.  Alright, but you better start trusting me with something because I'm walking out on the woman I love because she thinks I'm in the same league as Brock Rumlow and I know that I'm nothing like that animal."

Out in the kitchen, he grabbed a pen and a pad of paper, writing on it.  Then he opened his wallet and emptied it of cash, putting it under the pad.  With a look to the hallway where Andrea's bedroom was, he picked up his suitcase again and went to the elevator with his mother, entering it when the doors opened.  A few minutes after they left, Andrea's bedroom door opened, and she came out to verify they were gone.  She saw the note, read it but didn't take the money.  Then she sat in the oversized armchair where she and Bucky made out just a week ago.  Only then did she give in to the overwhelming emotions she was feeling and began to cry.  It was a long time before she stopped, locked down the elevator door, turned off the lights and went to bed.

It didn't take long for word to reach the employees of Barnes Contracting that something had happened to Bucky.  Simply put, he was a bear with just about everyone, even Mrs. Parker.  At the job site, he didn't let up on anything or anyone.  It was draining and made for a very tense workplace.  Steve tried to talk to him whenever he came back to the office, but Bucky wouldn't say anything, other than he was fine.  When Steve told Natasha how badly Bucky was taking it during the week after the incident, she admitted that Andrea had blocked her phone number.

"If she's blocked me, she's probably blocked Bucky as well," she said, sadly.  "I really fucked up."

"We all did," he replied.  "Rumlow obviously had someone following Bucky to find where he lived."

She looked at Steve.  "What do you mean?  Didn't he already know?"

Steve shook his head.  "No, it was kept secret.  Only me, Sam, a couple of our guys, and his mom knew where he lived."  He hesitated.  "Something bad happened to Bucky when he was a kid, and he is very security conscious because of it.  I don't know the details, but he was traumatized by it and has been afraid of blood ever since.  It makes him physically sick."

"How old was he?"

"Six, I think.  I met him after it happened.  It's also why he's not the type to get into fights or arguments.  He just takes it because he doesn't like conflict."

"He didn't even react when Andrea pushed him or got angry about it." 

Steve put his arm around her shoulders, drawing her in closer and kissing her head. 

"It's Dot, all over again, except worse."

He explained about Bucky's previous girlfriend and how much it set him back.  It made Natasha feel even more at fault for what happened as it was obvious Bucky was nothing like Brock Rumlow in mind or temperament.  He and Andrea were perfect for each other in so many ways.  She burrowed into Steve's chest, seeking comfort from this man who was becoming much more than the casual sex partner she had originally envisioned.  She was falling in love with Steve Rogers. 

Friday came around again, and the crew were cleaning up the debris in the brownstone.  Bucky had the blueprints of the new kitchen layout in front of him on a portable table and was pointing out to the electrician the location of the new lighting fixtures over the island placement.  Since Andrea wasn't taking his calls he was using his best judgement to decide where to place them.  He could hear someone's cell phone ring, and irritatedly thought they shouldn't be taking personal calls on the job. 

"Bucky?" He looked up to see Thor, looking at him anxiously.  "Can I talk to you, privately?"

"I don't have time for private conversations," he snapped.  "Just spit it out."

The big man sighed, then reached down into his work boots and pulled out a wallet, opening it in front of Bucky's face so that only he saw it.  It was an FBI ID card, with his badge just below it.

"What is this, some kind of joke?"

"No joke," said Thor.  "Please, we need to go somewhere private."

The expression on the taller man's face was serious, so Bucky excused himself and the two men went to the powder room, closing the door behind them.

"You're FBI?"

Thor nodded.  "I've been undercover with your business for six months."  Bucky frowned, then ran his hand through his hair.  "It's not what you think.  You and Barnes Contracting weren't under investigation, but I can't say more than that as I don't have clearance.  Just know that the enemy of your enemy is your friend."

It was what Mrs. Parker said to them, setting off all sorts of thoughts in Bucky's mind.  Was Mrs. Parker an FBI agent?  She had been with the company for ten years, had hacked into databases, helped them coordinate shipments ... what the hell was going on?  He looked up at Thor again, who swallowed.

"I just got a call from the District Attorney's office.  Rumlow has kidnapped Andrea and Lily Hart.  He shot the man who was watching them when he tried to intervene.  He's in surgery right now."

It was like being punched in the gut and Bucky began to hyperventilate, then he kneeled down and bent his head over to stop feeling so faint.  Shaun was supposed to be watching them as well.  What happened to him?  Thor didn't seem to be worried about Bucky's reaction, as he just waited.  After several long minutes Bucky looked up.

"Where is she?"

"They didn't say but they want your help," he said.  "I'm to bring you to a meeting place to go over where they're likely holding her.  I don't want to blow my cover."  He shrugged.  "I like the guys I'm working with.  They're decent men who made a mistake and you helped them to get back on their feet."

"You lied," said Bucky, raising himself. 

"Only about holding heroin, being an ex-con and the FBI," answered Thor.  "I am a college graduate, and I did work summers in construction.  It's been great doing it again.  Didn't realize how much I missed it."

"So, you want me to keep your secret," said Bucky.  "How do I know this isn't a setup?"

"You don't," admitted the other man.  "I just know that this operation has been running for a long time and that it's finally at a point where several different authorities can take action against Pierce and Hydra.  Andrea was never meant to be part of it.  Her involvement was just one of those things that happen in life when an innocent person walks into something bigger than them.  Unfortunately, her kidnapping is likely to trigger the enforcement stage of the operation and that could put her life in jeopardy.  We need to get her and the baby to safety as soon as possible."

"Alright," said Bucky.  "I'll come with you but if anything happens to her or to Lily, I'll go after Pierce and Rumlow myself.  I won't wait on any law enforcement to do their job."

"Fair enough," said Thor.  "What should we tell the others?"

"You leave that to me," said Bucky.  "Meet me at my car."

They left the powder room and Thor headed out to where Bucky's car was parked.  Several minutes later, Bucky appeared and unlocked the car remotely.  After they were inside, Thor gave him the address and they were on their way.  Minutes later, everyone at the job site came out the front door, led by Clint Barton.  He apologized to the electrician who was being sent home then locked up the brownstone. 

"Scott, go to the hospital and get Shaun," he said.  "Bring him to the warehouse."

The rest of the men from Barnes Construction got back into the company trucks and headed to the warehouse.  Even though the drive wasn't all that long, it seemed to take forever to get there.  Sam was waiting and left the back door unlocked for them as he went back inside.  As Clint led the others inside, he was glad at how they even called in the guys who were on the city payroll but associated with them.  It seemed that everyone was being called in to this.  Steve got on top of the table and looked around at all of them.

"So, Rumlow has taken Andrea and Lily," he said.  "Thor is an undercover FBI agent who claims that the company isn't under investigation.  I knew there was something off about him, but one of us convinced me that he was okay." 

He nodded at Sam, who went through the hallway to the main office.  He returned with Mrs. Parker, who seemed surprised at the assembly.  She turned to leave but Sam blocked her exit.  Resigned, she turned back to them, then saw her nephew, Peter, who looked at her as if she were a traitor, apparently not knowing she was a planted agent.

"The enemy of your enemy is your friend," she said, out loud.  "I'm not your enemy, never was."

"But you're not who you seem to be," said Steve.  "Rumlow kidnapped Andrea and Lily and shot Shaun, as well as an investigator with the DA's office.  Are you working for Pierce?"

"No, never," she said.  "I have much to hate about him.  He's the reason I'm a widow.  He's the reason I agreed to join the company and take over from Mrs. Barnes.  He's the reason why I've done my best to keep you knuckleheads from getting in too deep."

"Well then," said Steve.  "You have five minutes to explain it to us.  Then we're going to war with Hydra."

"Which you'll lose," she answered, "and every bit of good will that has been built up over the years to keep the law off your backs will have been for nothing.  Do you want to all end up in prison again?  Because if you go up against Hydra, that's what will happen.  They have a lot of people in their pocket, police, judges, military ... and you boys, as well intentioned as you are, don't have the one thing they do."  She scanned each of their faces, lingering longest on her nephew.  "You don't have the killer instinct.  None of you do."

"Aunt May, we can't just sit back and do nothing," said Peter, his earnest face reflected in several others.

"I'm not asking you to," she sighed.  "I'm asking you to be smart about it.  Take them down, but don't take them out.  Don't stoop to their level." 

Steve jumped off the table and stood in front of this woman whom he had trusted for ten years. 

"Does Mrs. Barnes know about you?" Mrs. Parker nodded.  "She knows more, doesn't she?"

"Yes, but she'll have to tell you as it's not my place."  She waved her hand around gesturing at the warehouse.  "This has taken years to setup and if you do the wrong thing now, you can undo all that work and Pierce, Rumlow, Sitwell ... all of those predators will get away with it."

"Then what can we do?" he asked.  "What will keep all of us out of prison but keep them occupied?"

She smiled.  "Misdemeanours.  Trespassing, blocking driveways with vehicles, minor vandalism, such as letting the air out of tires, broken windows, blocking doors from the outside, throwing rotten fruit ... you know, just being little shits, really."

He smiled with her.  "We can do that.  I'm sorry for thinking you worked for Pierce."

"Don't be," she said.  "I'm surprised I kept you guys fooled for as long as I did.  You let me tell my superiors that we're going to mount a little campaign of distraction while they work out how to get Andrea and Lily out of there before they go in."

At that moment, Scott came in, with Shaun, who wore a sling protecting the injury on his arm.  Mrs. Parker shook her head at him.  She warned Fury this could happen and repeated it to Ross when she called him after Steve and Sam questioned her.

🙎‍♂️🙎🏻‍♂️🙎🏼‍♂️🙎🏽‍♂️🙎🏾‍♂️

In the car, Bucky was surprised when he pulled up to the warehouse of one of his construction suppliers.  He looked sideways at Thor, who shrugged.

"Couldn't have you using stolen goods for your legitimate jobs," he said.  "They did their best not to incriminate you or anyone at Barnes Contracting.  Took years to setup but it was necessary."

He parked and the two men entered a side door.  Inside, in the middle of pallets of wood was what appeared to be a command post.  Most of the people there were unknown to him, but he recognized Nick Fury, who nodded wordlessly at him.  A short man with greying hair approached Bucky, offering his hand.

"Everett Ross, special agent in charge of this operation.  We don't have time to bring you up to speed on how we set this up, but your mother should be here soon and can explain it to you.  In the meantime, we have several locations identified where Andrea Hart and her baby girl may have been taken.  We understand you know Hydra's locations fairly well."

Glancing at the large screen monitor that displayed several locations, Bucky shook his head at all of them except one. 

"You're sure that it was Rumlow that took her?"

"Yes, our operative phoned it in before he lost consciousness.  Why?"

"If it was Pierce, he would have taken her to his home.  He's all about family and he's often shown in public with his grandchildren and younger nieces and nephews.  It's part of his image that he's this friendly, older family man.  Brock is a different type entirely.  He's nasty and mean.  Doesn't care about either of them but I figure this is aimed at me because he knows that I killed his father."

"Say what?" Everett Ross looked at Fury.  "What's he talking about?"

"You didn't kill Henry Rumlow," said Fury.  "I know that for a fact."

"I pointed the gun at him," said Bucky.  "I was six, although it wasn't until they reported on his body being discovered near the river that I recognized him as the man who was hurting my dad that night.  I remember the hits, and the yelling and the blood after.  I took his dad's life, so he's going to take Andrea's life to hurt me."

"You didn't kill Henry Rumlow," said his mother's voice, as she entered, flanked by Natasha and Maria, who both shrugged at him.  "You brought George's gun out and pointed it at Rumlow, but the safety was on, and he aimed his gun at you, planning to shoot you right there.  There was no way your father was going to let him hurt you.  George fought Rumlow to protect you, then that criminal's own gun went off and he bled out on the kitchen floor."  Her eyes filled up with tears.  "All these years, you thought you killed a man?"

Bucky's lips trembled as he relived that night, then he closed his eyes and sobbed, finally remembering the missing parts that always eluded him.  His mother enclosed him in her arms and rubbed his back.  She murmured into his ears as he wept, then took a tissue out of her purse and dabbed at his tears before looking at the assembled law enforcement task group.

"Henry Rumlow was there looking for diamonds that were supposed to be kept in evidence, but he had been suspected of stealing from the evidence locker, so Nick Fury asked my husband, an old army buddy, to hold them.  Someone must have seen Fury leave our house because Rumlow showed up in the middle of the night with a thug and began working George over to give them up.  He never did.  The other man attacked George, and he was forced to kill him as well.  He and a trusted friend took their bodies to the river, staged it to look like they fought each other, then placed Rumlow's gun back in his hand.  George told Nick what he did right away."

"I told the DA at the time, and he agreed it was self defence, so no charges were laid.  It was felt that charges for moving the bodies would expose the family to action from Pierce, so no charges were laid for that either.  Pierce always had his suspicions, but nothing could be proved."

Ross looked at Fury, then at the others and shrugged.  "I'm guessing the statute of limitations has run out for those charges anyway, and since it was your husband who did it and he's dead, it's a moot point."  He looked at Bucky.  "Now, where do you think Rumlow has your girlfriend?"

"His favourite strip club," said Bucky, taking his phone out.  "I have a guy on my payroll there.  He texted me before I headed out with Thor."  Ross frowned, looking at Thor who shrugged.  The strip club information was enlarged on the monitor.  Bucky realized that the detail on it was something that only an insider could provide.  "There's something else you should know.  I told my guys at the job site and my two partners.  They're headed over there."  Several groans of disbelief erupted before Bucky put up his hand.  "If you want me to call them off, you have to let me go there, on my own."

"Bucky, no," said his mother, placing her hand on his cheek.  "All of this was to free Barnes Contracting from ever having to resort to anything illegal again.  It was what your father wanted, for you and the company to be legitimate.  He was so proud of you for getting your journeyman's papers and working to get your contractor's license.  It's why we let them use the company to act as a front to keep Hydra under surveillance."

"Remember I told you that I would go legit if I had Andrea in my life?"  He searched her face.  "I would go to prison to keep her safe, Ma.  That's how much I love her and Lily.  If I have to kill Brock to do it, she's worth it."

As his mother hugged him, he looked over her shoulder at Natasha and Maria.  Both women nodded their head at him, understanding the depth of his love.  As a heated discussion grew louder behind him, he began to plan how he would get Andrea and Lily, who was his daughter in every way but one, out of the hands of Brock Rumlow.  For the first time he could remember, the thought of spilling blood didn't make him sick.

Part 9>>

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[cosmererambles]

So...People have been asking for my Kelsier Essay.

I'll publish it in several posts that are qued apart.

Kelsier Essay

This is not a formal, academic essay. It’s a loose one but I feel it drives home the point well enough and brings forth good evidence.

 I hope the dear reader will forgive my use of a proper noun as I write this essay; it removes somewhat of a formal aspect from its words but I must admit, it does come from a personal place of my heart. While this essay is meant to be persuasive, it’s also meant to be constructive and to drive a point home that I have been musing on for quite a while. This essay has major spoilers for the entirety of the Cosmere. If you haven’t read all of Mistborn, SH, and all of SL, please refrain from reading this.

In the endless expanses of the Cosmere, there are hundreds of characters whom many hold dear and just as many whom people hate. You could say this is due to the brilliance of the author, who, despite his busy schedules and near constant time spent behind a keyboard, finds time to sign sheets and answer questions. Why is signing sheets and answering questions relevant to beloved and reviled characters? Read on.

Brandon Sanderson answers hundreds of questions, many of which are inane, innocuous, or silly. Some are deeper, others delve into the basis behind some of his choices while writing. Still others pertain to characters. We get to the meat of it. This particular character is known, through the writing, as a brutal man, who let nothing stand in the way of his goal, who, while cleaving the noble class of his society in twain, uplifted the peasants and upended the thousand-year reign of his deity and ruler. Yes, we’re talking of Kelsier, the Survivor of Hathsin, hero of the Final Empire, and a character that leaves many people puzzled.

Reddit forums are frequented by questions about him. r/Mistborn and r/Cosmere alike have had their fair share of debates, and there was one thing I noticed in many of these: they take the words of Sanderson very, very seriously. Why shouldn’t they? He’s the author, is he not? Back in 2013, Sanderson had a Q&A session where someone asked him who his most disturbing character was. The WoB is as follows:

I_are_pant

1.Which of your protagonist characters do you dislike the most as a person? Taking in account that you know all of their inner secrets and motivations. 2. On the flip side, which of your antagonists do you connect with the most? The Lord Ruler seems an obvious choice as he was misunderstood by everyone for so long. But still, I’m curious.

Brandon Sanderson  This is a tough one, as while I’m writing, I HAVE to like everyone. However, the most disturbing of them is probably Kelsier. He’s a psychopath—meaning the actual, technical term. Lack of empathy, egotism, lack of fear. If his life had gone differently, he could have been a very, very evil dude.

 This Word of Brandon has had a decided effect on the fandom, namely in the fact that critical thought surrounding Kelsier, his motives, his struggles, and his successes, has all but been erased. He has been branded a psychopath, and there is nothing anyone can say against it.

The word “psychopath” is a very negatively charged word. To preface things, I want to be clear that this essay is going to refer to “psychopathy” as Antisocial-Personality Disorder. The term psychopath is very old, and largely refers to individuals with this particular disorder. The traditional definition of psychopath is someone who both lacks a conscience and lacks empathy.

Through this essay, I plan to painstakingly showcase that Kelsier fits neither the outdated term nor the criteria for the actual disorder, through canon book citations. I will break down each diagnostic criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder (Henceforth shortened to ASPD) and Kelsier’s character traits at large. I wish to not only prove Brandon wrong (It is a very old WoB and I doubt very much he still believes this.) but to prove to the fandom at large that Kelsier is a good man. A flawed man, but a good man. I will also note specific character traits that I feel are of note in discussing him, his motives, and his current ideologies.

(Please note that there are plenty of individuals with ASPD that are not bad people. Your actions make you bad, not your mental health. I will be using terms such as “bad” and “wrong”, but this is in regards to a fictional character, NOT a real life human being.)

Antisocial Personality Disorder is a disorder characterized by the DSM-V as a Cluster-B personality disorder. It shares its family with Narcissistic, Borderline, and Histrionic disorders, and is characterized by a “continuing disregard and violation of the rights of others, occurring since the age of fifteen. To be diagnosed with ASPD, you must show a pattern of three or more of the following characteristics:

·         Failure to Conform with Laws and Social Norms

·         Deceitfulness (Repeated lying or conning of others for personal profit or pleasure.

·         Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead.

·         Irritability or Aggressiveness (Repeated physical fights or assaults.)

·         Reckless disregard for the safety of others.

·         Consistent irresponsibility. (Failure to keep a job or honor financial obligations.)

·         Lack of remorse.

Psychopathy is a term that was coined before this disorder was identified and refers specifically to a person lacking in both empathy and a conscience. The term is still widely used today, along with the term Sociopath, often interchangeably. For this essay, I’ll be largely relying on the psychiatric standards set in the DSM-V.

[stellar-solar-flare]

This popped up on my dash and since you said that the conversation is open, I thought I would share my two cents, even if it might be stuff you are already familiar with and do yourself. I don't think I'm in the same fandoms as you but things mentioned here are observations made from multiple fandoms. Although I have been writing in AO3 instead of tumblr for the most part, my experience here comes from writing almost exclusively Steve Rogers longfics (mostly 50k+ words, 10+ chapters) from 2021. I don't claim to be super popular - I'm just reflecting on the relative differencies I have noticed in my engagement.

First of all, please don't quit a series just because it has been over a month. That's not a long time for an update at all! If you're writing fic, it's something you do on your free time without getting paid, so there's absolutely no reason at all to apologize life getting in the way.

From my own experience, I have to agree with the consistency and speed of updates being pretty big factors on engagement. I have noticed most reader engagement when I have been able to push out one or more update a week for multiple weeks straight. It helps people stay engaged with the story and invested when the story is fresh in their minds. But then again, I have gotten a lot of comments when coming back from a hiatus too so I think it's not the only factor at all.

Writing a lot, even if it's not the same series, helps keep one's fics on people's minds, and helps establish you as someone who writes X character (with a certain kind of characterization). I share sneak peeks sometimes, but that's just because I am too impatient to wait, they're not from 'marketing' standpoint. Personally I try to focus on writing and let the writing itself do the rest, but I do make a point to reply to comments and thank people, even if that is sometimes very delayed, so that they know I appreciate them. I also don't talk badly about my own writing, because as a reader, seeing someone do that can very easily turn me off from reading their story. (To be clear, I don't mean venting about the human frustrations of writing but publically calling your own stories bad etc.)

One of the big things for me as a reader and a writer is having multiple storylines going and having 'hooks' in the story, so to speak, so that the readers know what they're looking forward to when the story continues. Cliffhangers are the ultimate form of this but things like a character uncovering a partial piece of information that raises questions work too. I spend a lot of time establishing chemistry, both romantic and platonic, so that the readers have something to root for.

Then again, engagement always depends on the story. Some things do better than others. Sometimes I think a fic is going to be well-liked and it doesn't get much attention, sometimes a thing I thought was just pure self-indulgence gains a lot of reader interaction. Which brings me to my next point - I think that the writer's enjoyment bleeds through the story to readers; things that I have enjoyed writing the most are my most popular fics. And sometimes when I think I'll write some easy 'trope soup' that'll get a lot of interest, it's crickets. I think there's a lesson there for me.

I try to engage with people and be a part of fandom beyond writing. I read and comment other people's fics, I reblog stuff, I talk about everyday things and try to stay active even when I have no capacity to write (happens to us all). It helps foster a sense of community, and while it's not self-serving and I read and comment out of genuine enjoyment, ultimately being active in fandom and engaging with writing helps us all. It does feel like current fandom population doesn't comment as much as they used to, which is a shame. But I try to be the change I want to see in the world.

It's also worth noting that sometimes there are these 'lulls' in fandom where everyone is sort of quiet and busy with life, I assume. Like major holidays. They just happen, and the season will change again. Also, scheduled reblogs and comment replies help reach different sets of people.

Finally, focusing too much on the stats is a thing that for me is a road to madness that sucks all enjoyment out of writing. It is human to want engagement and look at the pretty numbers but again, what matters is the enjoyment you get from a story. Personally I have written a 250k longfic in a tiny niché that was commented regularly by one single person and occasionally by about five people. And I still love that fic to death and am so proud of myself for writing it.

That's my two cents, from my personal experience. As always, they should be taken with a grain of salt, and they might not be universally applicable. I wish you the best with writing and hope that the muses are kind to you.

Writers of multi-chapter fics:

How do you keep your readers engaged as the story gets longer?

I've heard from many, and seen it myself, that interaction drops significantly as the chapters accumulate (which I honestly do not even understand...hence why I'm asking this) but I've also seen a lot of writers who have quite lengthy fics where the engagement and excitement seems to stay consistent throughout.

They're receiving asks with comments and questions about the latest chapters, the reblogs are abundant compared to likes, and I'm just curious if there's anything anyone does differently to help maintain this other than just being a great writer 🤣 (which I'm realizing is probably the key thing and that there's nothing to do other than just be able to write a really good story which I'm clearly not haaaaa)

I've tried sharing snippets of upcoming chapters in the past and they've always fallen on their face, I've released chapter playlists, etc so I feel like from a "marketing" standpoint I've done what I can? And also as writers we shouldn't even have to work that hard to "promote" our fics considering people ask to be on taglists and what have you. (This is the site for sharing and ACTIVELY participating in fandom...)

It's been a struggle to keep myself motivated to finish up my series and I'm starting to wonder if there's even a point now that it's been over a month since I've updated (which I realize consistent updates are likely a huge factor as well 🙃 but, you know, life.)

Anyway. Thinking out loud here. Any advice/conversation is welcome! 💗

[mattodore]

birthday boy 🎂

[prismatoxic]

somehow managed to be fine with the most popular laios ship (i actually enjoy it, tbh, labru is very good), but i absolutely do not like any of the popular chilchuck ships except chilaios

i'm 100% a multishipper but my other chilchuck ships are like. chilbell. chilbru. childan. me and the 5 other people into those are eating tablescraps

[4pmcbt]

i read a fic that had puppy!todoroki and it activated a neuron so uh, here

[sainz100]

idk how to explain it, but I feel this small bubble of hope. as if some good news is right around the corner 🫧🌅 not yet, but maybe soon, I'll always feel that hope that the next chapter will be better than the last

[sysig]

But would you tho (Patreon)

[faithfromanewperspective]

need a private tumblr to be an outlet for feelings had while activisming

[mirai-desu]

Eliza and William Moments » Series 4, Episode 4

“Where are going, you’re not well enough to go home yet!” “I’m not going home. I’ve been to see the super, and he’s agreed. I’m going to New York. I’m taking the secondment.” “For a year?” “For a year.” “This is because I was late for dinner?” “No. This is because I love you. ... It's a rare occurrence that I cause you to be so speechless. Perhaps I should tell you that I love you more often.” “Well-you-you love me, and yet you are leaving?” “Something has to change, Eliza. Perhaps for you. Perhaps for me. But this will, uh, give us time to consider our options.” “I don’t understand.” “Yes, you do. If we are to be together... then I cannot remain at Scotland Yard with you a private detective, ...nor can I be around you anymore without... without being with you. ...You have put me in an impossible situation.” “So, this is my fault.” “Yes.” “... This isn’t goodbye. It’s goodbye for now.”

[gas-stxtion-a]

//anyway. happy father's day! the only muse i have here who has a good relationship with her father is rosa.

jack's father was horrifically physically abusive to him from a very young age, to an almost comical degree at times. (e.g. breaking jack's leg and then making him take himself to the hospital). also, jack's dad was a white nationalist too. regardless, he's no longer in jack's life, and jack doesn't know where he is now.

spencer's dad was similarly abusive and tried to kill him multiple times, culminating in spencer killing him before leaving home at 18. (and to be fair, his mom also falls under this, even if she didn't contribute directly to the most severe abuse.)

jerry hasn't spoken to either of his parents in well over 10 years and is perfectly happy doing so. if neither of his parents find him again, he'll be fine.

tony and his dad were pretty close, but his dad died when he was very young and tony never fully processed it. to this day, he idolizes his father quite a bit, contributing to his often very negative perception of himself for not *living up* to the man's legacy.

amelia never knew her father, and as far as she's concerned his lack of a presence in her life is a non-issue. he made his choice, and if he ever attempts to connect with her, she isn't going to accept.

and theeen

rosa and her dad have had their ups and downs, but for the most part they're very close and she calls him every weekend to tell him how she's doing. he took some time to adjust to her being trans, but overall he's ecstatic to spoil his daughter.

[superconductivebean]

#312: >_> <_<

low-key amused at wright's awkward crush on sharp she didnt realise she had if not for imelda pestering her about it all the time bc of some vicious rumor, following #294

not me writing lines in tags again

[dredshirtroberts]

i'm remembering why i don't stay on dating apps for long and why i have a hard time making connections with folks in general. if i have to teach one more fucking person about polite conversation with people you do not know yet, i swear to GOD.

[hedgehog-moss]

I went to a restaurant with a friend yesterday and upon entering we saw these splendid blueberry tarts under bell jars on the counter and we made jokey small talk with the waitress like oh, people will fight over these if there's not enough for everyone, it'll tear families apart, are you making more later? and she said no, I'm afraid that's our entire stock for today, but there are 18 slices, it should be plenty! It was a small village restaurant with only one menu du jour so there weren't any other dessert options but they don't usually get that many customers—but then a couple of large groups arrived and most people noticed the tarts like we did, and went ohh blueberry tart, it's been a while, I can't wait, and it became clear that when we'd get to the end of our meal there would be winners and losers in the blueberry tart rush

But later as we were about to order dessert I wasn't hungry anymore and I was like well that's too bad but someone else will be glad to get 'my' slice of tart—and my friend said yeah, me :) You should order it anyway, I'll eat both! At first I thought she was joking, but no. I said, there's not enough for everyone, you can't take two, and she said, we were going to order two slices, what difference does it make? and I was baffled that she couldn't see the ethical difference between two people eating one slice of tart each vs. one person eating two, when there's a limited quantity of tart. I felt like we were in a simplistic social justice metaphor it was so obvious, but there was no changing her mind. When I said "it's just... not nice" she said "okay" with a shrug, and what can you say to that. She added, you don't know any of these people and I was like, why are we reverting to tribal dynamics in a non-apocalyptic setting, how would you feel if we'd arrived a bit later and seen others ordering two desserts knowing you'd get zero? And she said, I would think that's their right, and I felt kind of amazed.

I pointed out that if she didn't think it was a wee bit wrong, she wouldn't ask me to order her second piece as if it was for me, and she said yeah maybe we don't need to do that, there's no law preventing me from ordering two desserts. What about Kant's categorical imperative Okay I guess you're not breaking any laws by taking more than your fair share of a thing other people also want, just failing a kindergarten-level morality test. I felt embarrassed for sounding like an annoying preachy rigid person so I dropped the issue, and as she ate her two slices she'd smile at me every time we overheard someone order coffee without dessert—like "See? There'll be enough, no one will be deprived of tart because of me!" as if that cancelled the fact that she didn't care in the first place. I guess it was one of these tiny issues that can still significantly alter the way you perceive a person. I tried to tell myself not to be so bothered about this small thing but I was! so bothered. And I felt like writing a letter to some agony aunt like "should I end a friendship over irreconcilable blueberry tart ethics"