#if this doesn't get any interacts I will cry
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Batfam Time Travel Fic Recs
Because @clarenceislazy requested it on my last fic rec compilation, here's a list of my favorite DCU time travel fics! They're all pretty Batfam-centric, but eh niche is niche what can you do
Damian fics:
A Good Place by LemonadeGarden - Damian gets sent back in time to a Batman who's never had a Robin. Very sweet, very fun.
The Rule Stands by Engineerd - After Dick's death, Damian has to deal with a time-displaced ten-year-old Dick Grayson. Love a good Dick and Damian bonding moment, PLUS this gets a happy ending <3
to stay in one place by Jezebunny - Injustice!Universe Nightwing!Damian time-travels/dimension-jumps to a timeline where Dick Grayson is still alive and his counterpart is still Robin. Ugh this is so angsty -- I have an unreasonable amount of love for Injustice Damian
looking for the shapes in the silence by popsunner - In a world where Dick died on the job, Damian falls through a hole in reality where Dick is still alive and finds that some things don't fit the way they used to. SUCH an amazing representation of complex grief -- literally every time I read it, I cry
Steph fics:
time slip by almondrose - A mistake in time leads to six Robins meeting. Honestly, this one is kinda cracky, and only barely qualifies as Steph-centric, but I still like it a lot
and we'll never be the same by almondrose - Steph and Tim go on a road trip to figure out the post-universal-reboot anomalies. This is more of a post timey-wimey-bullshit fic than a real time travel fic, BUT I think it's real cute regardless
Tim fics:
Tractors by lieu42 - Ooh this one is honestly so so fun! In a reimagined universe where DC's heroes operate out of the UK, Red Robin Tim finds himself right back in the year before everything went to hell. He has a duty to get back to his correct timeline so he can find Bruce, but with Bart and Kon still alive, there's a part of him that doesn't want to leave. Literally SO well written and trippy as hell -- this fic deals a lot with addiction, drug use, and grief, so definitely go into it forewarned. TimKon
not for very much longer by CreamOfTomatoSoup - ugh what CAN'T I say about this fic, apart from the fact that it's one of my favorite time loop fics of all time. Post Cult of Dionysus Bernard Dowd finds himself reliving the worst day of his life -- the day Darla got shot. Featuring identity porn, Steph as Robin, Original-Personality!Bernard, the grief of a childhood you can never return to, and the weirdness of having to interact with your significant other when he's currently a sixteen year old who doesn't know he likes dudes. Don't look at the incomplete warning -- it's not abandoned, just a wip, and I legitimately cannot recommend this fic enough. This fic made me read War Games. This fic made me a Darla Aquista stan. This fic made me ship timbern. Please read this fic.
Jason fics:
The View From Jade by lowflyingfruit - Jason Todd accidentally travels back to before Bruce took Dick in. I feel like this is on every time travel rec list, but what can I say: I'm a basic bitch
Two Dead Birds by InsaneTrollLogic - Jason Todd wakes up in the middle of his Mob Boss Era and immediately decides to rewrite his own history. This is very funky fresh of him, just in my personal opinion.
Dick fics:
So It Goes by 60sec400 - Bruce from Dick's Robin era receives a troubling call from Nightwing. Be warned -- this fic is angsty as hell. Implied major character death. Don't look at the incomplete warning -- it's a lie (the author has specified they intended it to work as a oneshot)
In This Or Any Other Universe by wildsofmarch - Dick-as-Batman ends up in Battinson-era Gotham. Again, I think this counts more towards the Dimension Travel pile than the strict Time Travel variety, but I'm still putting it here because I enjoy the hell out of it
a million dreams by CaptainOzone - In the seconds between the trapeze line snapping and their bodies hitting the ground, John and Mary Grayson find themselves transported twenty years into the future. SO GOOD I honestly can't stand it.
If you think I missed a fic you love (or if you've written any yourself and want to self-plug), feel free to drop a link in the reblogs! Especially if you know of any that center around Steph, Cass, or Duke -- istg I've scrolled through fifteen pages of the AO3 Time Travel tag, and I've found like maybe two fics that center around any of them. It's honestly a little ridiculous
#lowkey i might make a rec list of fics featuring the neglected teen batkids next#namely cass steph and duke -- i got some excellent recommendations for all three of them#and i feel like a bunch of fics that are objectively extremely well written and characterized don't really get the attention they deserve#dick grayson#tim drake#damian wayne#jason todd#stephanie brown#time travel#fic recs#time loop#batfam#fic rec#batfamily#best hits tag#timkon#timbern#damian tag#tim tag#steph tag
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Linked Universe Headcanons: What I think each of their roles would be in a boy band
I'm surprised how popular my prev one was! I was chatting to a non fan friend and she was curious what they would be like in a band, and asked me who the rapper would be...I reckon WILD hahah
Anyways...
Time: Not an active member but used to be a solo artist back in the day, he doesn't like being in the limelight as much and mentors/manages the rest of them. Still has that suave quality, a total heart throb and occasionally hosts a one off concert only available to the VIPS. He was the IT boy back in the day.
Warriors: Leader of the band and all rounder. He's a complete heartbreaker, can sing, and dance every style and fans go crazy over him. Very charismatic and flirty, knows how to make a fan feel special at a meet and greet and always takes a photo with them.
Twilight: I think lead guitarist, can sing beautifully and has one of the most charming voices, also very yeehaw and country when he goes on solo tour dates or drops his album. He's dripping with quiet confidence and doesn't share too much about his private life to fans, likes to keep a boundary between his private and professional life but will always be kind of them and never deny a photo or autograph
Sky: Has a beautiful voice, more shy and s o f t, he's one of the more quieter members and doesn't like being on camera as much but doesn't hate it either. Has that sweet prince charming vibe that everyone loves, would probably be a part time model on top of his band duties. Can play the guitar and bass
Wild: Absolute hardcore. He's def the main rapper and won't pass up the chance to drop any bars. He'll def go on rap battle tv shows and break EVERYONE. Mans got flow and swag, especially after getting a full arm of tattoos. What's the backstory behind them? He'll change it everytime he's on an interview. Absolute coolest dude on earth, fans LOVE him and how chill he is but you don't want to get on this guy's bad side or you'll be on his diss track list. Even the others are slightly scared of him. Always on social media posting selfies and updates, or threatening other artists that come for him or his band. Likes to film the other members to until Time tells him to cut it out and touch grass
Legend: I can see him having a lot of range in his voice, very powerful and can sing ballads. One of the lead singers and occasionally helps with writing songs. He CAN dance if he puts his heart and soul into it. He loves writing poetry and secretly writes love songs for himself based on a special girl, but he'll tear them up before anyone sees them. Would Probably records an incredible, heartfelt song he wrote and composed himself on his instagram then delete it after 5 hours beccause he'll be like, why the hell did I just do that? Fans would cry, wishing he would post more gems like that. Hates to be in the front but also fairly confident in his skills. Fans adore him because you can just see he's actually a big softie on the inside despite that tough exterior he puts up. Secretly jealous of Wild's rap ability, can't rap to save his life but maybe, one day.
Hyrule:
One of the lead singers, has the most melodic voice and can absolutely stun a crowd with his angelic vocals. Like Legend, also is one of the members with the most range. You know when you see someone in person and their just glowing? Yea, that's him. Sweetest celeb ever, everyone that's worked with him only has good things to say about this guy. Definitely has the most potential to go solo as well with his incredible piano skills. Can also play almost every other instrument, an absolute talent in everything. He also sponsors charities every now and then and interacts with fans on social media. Can do contemporary dance
Wind/Four: Tbh I think they would be good in broad way, both are great singers and still very much fanboys to the others. Their working their way, still in training. Can definitely see Wind going big on broadway and theatre and specialising in tap dance
Can you guess who is my bias? Or who's your bias? hehe
#legend of zelda#linked universe#lu legend#twilight lu#lu warriors#lu wild#fanfic#zelda au#headcanon#headcannons#my headcanons#lu sky#lu time#lu four#lu hyrule#link boyband#this is what i reckon they would be like in a boy band
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I love how Yomiel says "She shed tears for me/that's when my revenge was over" in regards to his interaction with Lynne, but that doesn't happen until after he saves the girls from drowning.
Like, he could have left them there. He could so easily have left them there. From his perspective at that point they're all going to die anyway, why wouldn't he wish their deaths to just be that little bit sooner? Watch the life leave them? That's what he cares about, right?
But it's not. And that's not what he does. And he himself can't even tell you why he does it. But he opens the door and pulls those two girls to the last bit of safety they'll ever know until the timeline gets undone and it's only then Lynne starts crying.
So Yomiel wasn't even thinking about it, he just saw the chance to help someone in a way only he could and he went for it. Even after everything that's happened. Even after every reason he claimed to hate Lynne before.
And it's just such a good microcosm of Yomiel as a whole, you know? He didn't really want any of that revenge nonsense. He just wanted someone to see him, hear him. And even deeper down, he just wants to help. Because he's only human.
Because I don't know how to end this post here's two specific bits of dialogue side by side that you should look at in that way
(You don't know what made you do it, but in the end you know you're glad she's safe)
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Ok hear me out
For the longest time I have been against Ace coming back in any way because I thought it would ruin how well-written ASL's tragedy is. But ever since Oda answered that seemingly insignificant question about Sabo a little while ago some false hope has taken over me (and part of me really wants it to come true)
Here is the question for those who haven't seen it:
Seems pretty much like no new information, right? But these questions were supposed to be important and Oda didn't really joke around while answering them. That last line? Imo it has little significance to the main question. I think at the very least this could mean that Sabo inherited Ace's memories (I think it would make sense if it's caused by the fruit but the answer is kinda weird so I'm not really sure. Maybe he doesn't want to make it too clear?)
What I just said seems like the most logical and probable case scenario.
BUT
I have been rethinking about the scenes of Sabo talking about his fire/the fruit like it's sentient. It could just be a coping mechanism like we have always thought (and if the memory thing I just mentioned is true thatvwould make extra sense.) Part of me wonders if he really is seeing Ace now that he has the fruit? Like maybe as some sort of ghost? In the omake after Sabo wakes up from his dream where he managed to save his brothers he does so crying and Koala points out that he's been having that same dream and crying about it for everyday these last two years. And theeen after he gets mad at her he calms down and says that Ace is angry at him. Wouldn't it make sense if he still has the dream since he's been having it for so long but now that Ace is (in some way) there he wouldn't like that?
At first I saw this as a sign that the ghost thing logically can't be true since if Sabo is still crying about Ace after dressrosa then surely he isn't seeing him in any shape or form. However me rethinking it led to what I said above.
I don't ever want Ace to fully come back because that would just be straight up bad writing. But hell if I wouldn't love him just being a ghost that only Sabo can see. We can finally get that Sabo/Ace interaction and it wouldn't really undo the stuff with Luffy either. And it would also be really interesting lore wise.
I mainly think I'm just delusional and bored tbh lol
#part of me still wants the tragedy to stay as that#but I really can't help it having my fav duo together in this fashion would make me ecstatic#Talk about over analyzing a simple qna#lulu rambles#one piece#portgas d ace#portgas d. ace#sabo#sabo the revolutionary#asl brothers#I'm nor rereading this bye
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So I edited this post a few times since what I wanted to convey just couldn't come out, and then I stumbled across this explanation.
And all of this!
To continue with my own thoughts.
I'm not sure where the takes of Mel is more than Jayce's girlfriend or being reduced to just being at a man's side is coming from that is being spouted.... Meljay shippers know this?
People are annoyed and confused to see what was set up from S1 until S2 Act 1 and the sudden a disconnect of how we got to know the relationship was handled and their final conversation. Most of us would've been fine (I know I would) with the breakup if it wasn't so off and lackluster.
It didn't feel like Mel and Jayce, granted they went through the trenches both physically and mentally, but that understanding is only being applied to Jayce in how he behaves. Mel is just a bystander and has to take it, and she was never like that. Or did her time trapped by the BR just make her numb to everything because she feels so much and hasawakenied as a Mage and empath? If so, the writers did shit to make it clear, and we have to fill in gaps and explanations with headcanons.
Most importantly, Mel only gave and gave to others (professionally, non proffesional, platonical, familial, etc) but got nothing of the sort in return.... not even a hug, a hand squeeze, a how are you nada. That apology she got was, again, so offstandish. I didn't expect Jayce to cry out or be a lovey dovey anything, but he was more heated to scold her a beat. Mel barely got a word out there, too, to explain her side. She doesn't even fully understand her powers...
Also, in regards to interactions, why didn't we see a moment between her and Caitlin? When her mother died, Mel told Jayce to go to her, and had she seen how Ambessa did what she did, Mel would've shut things down, too. But we couldn't see the two of them bond over having lost their mothers?
No one in Piltover was concerned with their influential councilor who went missing for weeks/months? It would've been nice had we seen her and Shoola as the last ones standing or talk about the future of Piltover and the convo moving to Mel returning to Noxus and leaving it in the people's/their hands, but not a lick.
We just see her board a ship because she now has the weight of the Medarda line (who she needs to build from the ground up while the Black Rose is still out there and likely has to deal with more politics in Noxus that is more on the violent side) on her shoulders to a country she's been exiled for who knows how long.
Mel is getting to terms with her powers, her legacy, but even with her mother, Kino, Elora and now going back to a country she was exiled from, AND having to lead a faceless army. WHERE IS HER COMFORT!?!?! Who does she have to share all of this with above one minute.
It also doesn't help that people (yes, shippers mostly cause one scroll on your page they barely talk about Mel outside of ship. Not even about the popular 'she has a larger storyline' takes. Just invalidate why Meljay doesn't and never would work or was always doomed takes in response to OG shippers sharing their grievances.
There is weird and fake trolling in the meljay/mel tag when the same people never had something to say about her/ any of her relationship up until the finale and the last few Meljay scenes.
But now everyone can supposedly yap as some fake intellectual and shade others' people being annoyed, sad, and disappointed in the WAY it was written to THEM for their ship.
Meljay shippers literally had to create a niche tag because the main ones are being spammed with bad take after take and where Mel/Meljay is undermined while claiming it is all in balance in the end. Is that not insane?
Please, miss me with that. It is irritating and condescending.
Shippers in fandom love love and just a relationship in general. This is nothing new so why all these bad fate takes? They are allowed to vent their frustration on how the story for their ship is handled. Most of the same shippers also have an analysis of the characters' they ship and larger storyline that was set. Act 3 plot lines were squeezed in such a way with so many minutes left. I am still of the opinion that we should've gotten either 3 or 6 more episodes to tie all the stuff together properly since the writers themselves decided to introduce all these storylines. There was just a disconnect and OOC behavior in Meljay that wasn't expanded upon in a better way imo.
#meljay#jayce talis#mel medarda#meljay breakup is so mature#uh yeah theyre grown??#i know what you are#was in my drafts and I'm just over the bad takes#glad to see that now that more and more people see that it was whack#doesn't help that lame video came out#but it is getting traction and people are calling it out which is goos#its always why focus on relationships and ships when its in your favor#its hypocritical and fake#block me if you want but the takes ive seen are just not genuine at all#first and last rant (maybe not) about this#gonna focus on getting into the whole noxus lore to understand what we can expect for mel and her journey onwards#that and fix it fics
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Like... I know this is a new blog and that I don't have as many followers as on my old one here yet BUT...
I've posted like 25,000+ words worth of fics in the last like 3 days and aside from my amazing ride or die friends (you all know who you are, this isn't directed at any of you obviously! You're THE BEST!) I've gotten barely any interaction with these fics.
When I write something funny I always think "I really REALLY hope someone will comment or reblog (or send an ask or DM) and say "OMGGGG 'this part' made me laugh so hard" or when I write something sad that makes me cry or any time I write honestly. As I do, I ALWAYS hope that maybe I'll see a new face (old faces LOVE you sososo much please don't go away!) saying what they enjoyed about my fic.
I have at least 3 fics that I have been SO super excited to write for yall but honestly with as little interaction as I've gotten on the last few this last week or 2 I'm discouraged to continue.
I'll still write them because I want to see these stories unfold myself but the idea of posting them doesn't bring me the joy I feel like it should so I don't know if I will.
Also lack of interaction is 100% why I don't do a tag list anymore. I've been getting asked this A LOT lately (nothing against those people) and I used to! I'd tag like 20+ people but I'd get maybe 3 that would comment and interact with my fics. It's tedious and time consuming to do just to get next to nothing out of it, so I won't do them anymore.
I don't know. I feel like I'm ranting now and probably sound like an asshole but what I'm trying to say is it hurts my feelings. I don't know... I'll probably end up deleting this I'm just in my feelings about it right now.
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The Cursed Mystic Mayor
Scopo warning, but the eyes are badly drawn lol.
Art and lore snippet under the cut.
This is part of a draft design for the Funnel Webbed AU when his glamors are broken.
The blue lines in his eyes act like a heart monitor and line up with his actual heartbeat.
#I'll be signing stuff in a number of different ways lol.#trouble draws#lmk mayor#lmk mystic mayor#scopohobia tw#if this doesn't get any interacts I will cry
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hey. pspsps. for whenever u need it. hands u a Talk About Yuor Beasts ticket for azrael and kenix. disappears into my shrub again. woe
HELLOOOO HAI. I FINALLY WROTE THIS HOLY SHIT. just to prepare you people, this thing is going to get LONG. EXTRA LONG COMPARED TO MY USUAL OC RANTPOSTS. 57 paragraphs and about ~7000 words. Yeag ^_^ read at your own risk and if you have a Lot Of Free Time Alrightsies? And also if you want to hear about fucked up and doomed little queer guys! I had tried to cover everything about azranix in here so let's goooo !!!
okay so first of all i will Definitely be reusing some of the old info i have already said about them before because Yeag ^_^ it is definitely needed for context for all the other people that have been following my blog and never read my previous rant posts. And those who just Never Saw Said Oc Posts dhehdsh just so this all would make some sense
and God. i've had kenix and azrael for abouttttt 2+ years by now i think ? ? and their story have changed a lot but GOD they still have such a grip on my soul.,,, cannot think about them without being Plagued very intensely and extremely and severely. they were this one Thing but then their dynamic and relationship evolved and so did they as people and it makes me So Sick of them soemtimes i swearrrr.. . .
so to start off! yeah the already known thing is that they're part of the seven deadly sins order of characters but to make it easier i'll just call them either sins crew or seven sinners. For my own Convenience. The concept of the sins crew is that they are mirroring the main original timeline cast. While the main cast is blessed by the divine in the name of keeping peace of their perspective duties. the sins crew Unfortunately did not get such treatment. To be part of the sins crew is to be abandoned by the gods above Basically. which is exactly their fate! they have curses and not blessings and. to make it short that's just how they have been punished for even having desires! Quite Unfair,, , ,
each of them have their own perspective sins and here, azrael and kenix have envy and lust as their assigned sins respectively. each of their actions that lead to this point are represented by said sins ofcourse but in their own ways (so No not That kind of lust for kenix i know please do not) i think i have explained all the needed context before i get to both of them on their own and then together ^_^ firstly i'll explain azrael because Yeag.
azrael is kind of. Complicated to say the least. a living weapon of some sorts! grown up in a hostile environment where the sole goal was To Win. there was little importance in personal happiness because it was all either to kill or to be killed. and he just grew tired of it yk? his hands only knew the warmth of blood and not the warmth of an another person. A dull and terrified view on life. He could only yearn to know how it is like to live normally without having to worry about being someone's next target.
and then there was someome who knew such happiness. a nameless girl, so full of life. just like him, she had no name from birth. Only a serial number. But yet. She was someone that had no worries like he did. Someone who Had So Much. stood right next to azrael. It felt unreal. Like a dream! A false scenario because surely! Surely that kind of bliss wasn't possible in his world! and yet. Yet. someone knew that feeling that he wished to knew the warmth of himself. Was right in front of his eyes. But he also was envious of her to some degree deep down. envious that she had what he yearned for his entire life while working with these bunch of assassin-esque people. but also!
it is very very safe to say that she meant Everything to him. Like how could she not? her attitude changed his worldview on such a fundamental level that azrael was. Fully convinced that he wouldn't be able to exist without the bright colors she intergrated into his life. spending all of his time with her. her happiness and optimisim was everything he needed. It (the whole relationship) wasn't even exactly anything to Her. like both of them very much saw each other as friends! but azrael meant something different by friends Me Thinks,, , , more like a person that he committed himself to.
"oh you are my friend and i am yours? okay then you have my devotion now. We are Friends and More Than Friends at the same time now :)" like they had something Very Intense and at the same time so one-sided. which is Unfortunate for azrael because! Wow my dude you trusted someone So Much you have let your guard down! Bad Choice my guy! because now it wasn't azrael who was the target. It was her. the nameless has been seen with him so many times that she was in danger because of him. and since he has let his guard down it led to. You know. Her death eventually happening.
the loss of the nameless girl not only broke azrael but changed his worldview once again. Because now he wasn't just apathetic to the entire world around him like he used to be before she appeared in his life, but he despised everything about the world. he was so jealous because now seemingly everyone had everything he had ever wanted! that source of happiness! something he had just mere moments ago! the warmth of blood on his hands coming back to haunt him!
It felt nauseating to see others have that joy. and in a series of overthinking it all, he came to the conclusion that. The others surrounding him have decided to keep happiness a secret from azrael. they were all on it. They knew what they were doing when she died. it is like they have purposefully taken the girl whom meant the world to azrael away from him! but of course how could he not see the truth that was displayed in front of his him this whole time!
coming to that conclusion utterly broke everything azrael knew and built it all anew. His envy was ever so clear to see. he knew that the people surrounding him wanted him to keep being envious of their joy. And so he just decided to ruin it all for them! after all. how come they get to have such happy moments while he has to be left behind in the dark, destroying his youth away for this constant cycle of death to keep going in circles on and on? it felt so utterly unfair to him. There was no use to continue doing what he always did when there wasn't a reason to keep doing it from the start besides living. and how could he live now without the person he treasured by his side?
in the end, his envy of others spiraled into a huge breakdown and caused him to go on a rampage. there were no exact names as his targets, only what his heart and shattered mind told him was the target. and that whole ordeal lead to quite a lot of deaths. ranging from people who at least were azrael's enemies from the past to some degree to innocent bystanders of the world who didn't know that azrael even existed
he found weird comfort in their deaths. Like "wow. i have finally gave in and destroyed what only worsened my misery and envy.. .," he kind of just, , did not feel sorry at all for the murders. even relishing in them in a ?. ? Way. but it all came back to stab him in the back. And Quite Literally too! that is what lead to his death and now his current state. being cursed and with the sin of envy being forever carved into him as a person, his jealously turned into pure venom. like Actually. he has venom running through his body, created from the purest desire for happiness. A man now destined to roam afterlife, forever seen as the pure embodiment of Consequences
so spiteful. so hateful at his very core. although he may be hiding it, but the Venom is present and is very obvious when you look closer into it! his only way to deal with this is to be distant from people. there is no reason to be conversing with the beings that once saw him as such a lowly being. azrael's way of thinking this through is just. Very confusing to say the least. he acted upon his desires but tries to rationalize them at the same time. trying to show that he doesn't care. No he doesn't care. . at least he is convinced so but Truly it is just ?.?? it is clampicated to describe for him. Or something
and now about kenix. Oh god This Dude Man. kenix is Incredibly Fuckjng Complicated as a person man. To start off, i will refer to him as his real name (Yi Dal) sometimes alright? kenix is Very Much a very deeply troubled guy that just represses such feelings. ever since he was born, he was in the dark. Metaphorically and kind of Literally?. since he was a child, he had the whole thing between him and his parents and just His family in general. which was Just Good Fucking Lord how much Inferior he felt to them. he was mostly, if not all the time, reduced to a "servant" for the family. which really contributed to him trying to seek value in himself through being useful to his family
obeying all the orders from his family? No questions asked, although it may hurt, he will at least get some attention. No matter positive or negative. he really just. didn't have a say in anything. for both of the parties, it is all just listening to what he is told to do. And his parents and siblings made that decision consciously. there was never any reason for him being neglected. not that kenix even knows of one! but it was like he was destined to be unacknowledged by them.
kenix was scared to take up space, because what if they find something to be angry about? Something to scold him for? Something to hit him for once again? he may be seeking attention but not in the form of being yelled at or having objects thrown at him. such treatment is still terrifying to him to this very day, a haunting memory at best. He genuinely felt like a little tiny being not deserving of attention with how obvious it was that his siblings were favored far more than him.his parents' treatment towards him made him think that he doesn't have the right to exist in this place without value or a purpose.
the neglect coming from his parents, the humiliation from his siblings. the embarrassment of being treated like a stranger whenever the family was in public. all of those factors reinforcing the idea that kenix is nothing of importance or relevance into his consciousness. kenix really just wanted to be free damnit.he yearned for it, he prayed for such salvation to come save him on a random day of his life but there was. No response as expected. he had never properly felt the warmth of the sun and freedom, only the cold air in his room at night. feels kind of suffocating in here, doesn't it? such a sheltered view on the world. It really is No wonder that kenix wished to escape this place. lacking social interaction and awareness of the outside world, , A shame, really
yi dal had been planning his escape from this god forsaken household for so So long, and he has finally been able to execute it when he was still a teen, about 17 years of age. An opportunity so perfect it truly felt unreal to him. An opportunity to finally feel the fresh air for himself forever and ever? you mean it you mean it you really mean it ?? <- deep down he was so Hopeful man. Man. the first time he was outside in nature by himself?? oh yeag. Yeag that felt like heaven that he himself couldn't believe in. feeling the grass beneath him, the light wind in his face, the chirping of the birds sitting on the trees. what else could he have possibly been missing out on? neither kenix or i know how he has survived about 16 years alone as a 17 years old guy with no social skills or concept of how the world really worked. he did make a fool out of himself but. He got the hang of it! Kind of! Normal social life was hard to get used to but!! ^_^
it truly was impossible for him to predict that at the age of 33, he would be found by his siblings and eventually tracked down, oblivious to what was planned for him. poor poor yi dal. only barely made to his early 30s and yet There It Is. Him laying on the floor, completely devoid of his ability to move his body. a small puddle of blood. Was it his blood? Was the blood of his brother he had manage to stab before being paralyzed? no reason to ponder that now, for he could only watch what was about to happen to him and. That was The Most amount of fear he had ever ever felt in his life. nothing could come close to how he felt when he saw his sister holding something in her hands, his brother following behind her. there were so so many things they could do. and it scared him on such a deep level that he didn't even know existed.
there he is now, a dead man walking and roaming the afterlife. the difference between him and azrael is that kenix acted upon his deepest desire only after he had been killed. the desire to avenge himself. to feel what it was like for his family. to be one of the higher-ups. To finally feel Superior. lusting for power in a way that breaks his morals (hence why this guy is assigned lust as his sin). a desire so strong it basically just Breaks Him Completely. In a way that leaves him so vulnerable that just. Makes him so easy to take advantage of. Disturbingly Too Easy. And that is exactly what fucking happens!!
"prometheus", or well, ephai is at fault here for that. no longer having a physical form, they saw a vessel so perfect in what was left of kenix. A soul that has been shattered into pieces since the start. Kind of. He needed just a little bit of a kick to fall over the edge and never come back to what he was. And they have seen it as an opportunity to prove the existence salvation to kenix. You Know. The guy that even fully gave up on religion and "salvation". And it worked of course it worked on kenix that Little Hopeless Thing— yeag. I could go on and on about kenix and prometheus but this is about azrael and kenix not these two's toxic relationship
prometheus is the key to kenix achieving his goals and in a moment of desperation. When he was offered a chance to avenge himself. To strike back at the people who degraded him the most. To feel in power. He didn't even hesitate to agree to the offer which lead to a little "contract" of some sort happening between them and that's just how kenix has been cursed. kind of like being oblivious to the fact that the salvation he was promised was a punishment in disguise. but it's not like he cares now.. . he has stolen fragments of powers from all kinds of divine beings, all for the sake of fulfilling his own wishes. trading his sanity for power. to the point of almost worshipping the one who has given him this opportunity and making ephai to be a divine entity
kenix himself though, is now more than just a god-like being. he is the flow of time himself. But Uh Oh! Bad News Motherfucker! You are Not Alone in this! because to keep existing like this, he had to take the body of an alternate timeline version of himself. Which just so happened to be the Yi Dal from the main cast's timeline. Who was already part of the main cast. And so essentially while taking over Ken's body, he had to replace him altogether unless they switch hosts. which kenix forbid to do because Good God he doesn't want ken to have anything Really. reasons that i'll get to later because Yeag ^_^ another problem is that prometheus is Also There with them. a third wheel or something so no you got 3 whole separate people in a singular body
so now kenix got himself stuck in a situation where he has to keep up a kind of play. Not pretending to be the version of himself he has replaced per se, but to always appear calm, continue to be soft-spoken and amicable with a formal attitude. because such etiquette and manners are what have enforced into his subconsciousness by his family while he was still living in that household. The manners that have been engraved into his mind by his own will. The facade of not caring about his surroundings. He destroyed his chances to live normally for the sake of his desire. so now kenix just has to pretend that everything is fine when really. Really. he never felt like a person, let alone an indepedent one. it is always him being the shadow of someone else and not seen as someone of his own. previously being the shadow of his siblings and now to be the shadow of ken because. Kenix is not perceived as his own self. Not that he has an identity really! But we will Also get to that later ^>^
now to finally talk about azranix together. their relationship had a pretty Rough start i'd say. Like it wasn't bad! But with azrael's decision to purposefully distance himself from others.., it was Hard for kenix to get closer to him without exactly going against his boundaries. Yes, he did pay attention to when he was getting far too close for azrael's comfort. for what reason did kenix even try to get closer to azrael? Well You See ^_^ he just wants to playfully mess with someone! No other reason! Just innocent little teasing that's all! but both of them have started to note. A lot of things about each other. with azrael's distrust, he was very wary of everything single move coming from kenix. And kenix well just. Tried to notice all the details there are about the person he pursued to know. pure curiosity if you could say that. to azrael there was always Something that was off about kenix and to kenix there was always Something about azrael that peaked his interest.
at the start with how used azrael was with seeing people as some sort of assholes trying to ridicule him, he looked at kenix with a bit of disdain. What if he was also one of such people? Why would he try to seek azrael out of all people? There is that sense of cautiousness that haunted him and his actions. and kenix ultimately decided to become a non-threat in azrael's eyes. otherwise how could he get such an interesting and peculiar person to trust him? to lose on such a great opportunity? no! he had to do it. He Had To. (no no it's not for any particular reason you see, it is just. .)
with every single encounter they have had, azrael just kind of like. Questioned everything about this guy! What Is His Problem! Why Is He Trying To Pry On Me! and so on. and with enough amount of times of them meeting each other in various places, azrael just went "fuck it, i'll try to get the answers to my questions straight from him" and such thinking led him to the Confrontation part. with his frustration present, he really just could not wrap his head around the fact that someone wants to know more about Him. that someone would even find Him interesting. he is trying so hard to avoid such relationships for the sake of himself and. Others to some degree. That an idea that someone once again would want to be a companion to him is just a Bizarre Concept. and kenix answered his questions, albeit not exactly. only a smile and "Wouldn't you want a friend yourself, in this place?"
which is exactly what was needed to crack azrael's front, even just a tiny bit. perhaps kenix was right. this place was Lonely. So Incredibly Lonely. maybe even reminiscent of azrael's past. and that made him realize just how much worse the situation was. to finally be aware of he had to stay here like this for hundreds of years, if not thousands. If not for all eternity. Destined to slowly disappear into thin air. with a few other people who are just like you by your side. a reminder that everything that could've saved you has Abandoned You. Even the divine above have abandoned you. A reminder that there is no one. And nothing. that is coming to save them. He is Alone. And Will Be Alone. his decision to distance from his only source of human interaction has always been a self-fulfilling prophecy of him swallowing his own venom. denying himself everything out of envy and hatred that is wallowing inside him. like a serpent on his shoulder. azrael is just a self-fulfilling prophecy of self-destructive at times that it is like Hey Dude. Please Don't Continue To Do That.
realizing just how fucked up everything in this situation is possibly may have made him just a tinyyy bit Desperate. more willing to finally open up to others a little. more accepting of letting people into his life. It is so fascinating that a single question from kenix is what managed to change his mind. azrael letting his guard down after so long! truly a miracle that we Cannot tell the aftermath of. and thus azrael has started to seek kenix out on purpose while still noting more things about him. Trying to figure him out like what kenix has been doing this whole time, you know? if kenix gets to pry on his life, then azrael might as well just do the same
it was a slow, slow way of actually getting to know each other at a deeper level because kenix. Like always. has tried to keep his past and his general life a secret. A mystery of some sorts. he wasn't really an enigma, azrael just. Never could figure out things about his family, his past life and what else has brought him here like the rest of the sinners. there were always moments about his story that he always left out on purpose. he never went into detailing anything he explained about himself. giving azrael only (mostly) surface level bits of information about himself. and azrael well, did much the same because he still felt that kenix shouldn't be trusted fully.
despite all that, azrael and kenix did manage to start bonding more! they both learned more about each other's story and felt. Sympathy for each other's struggles. as well as bonding over facing the same Horrors™ each day and they just had to learn to get through it together. To survive the troubles with each other by their side. learning more about each other through such dangerous encounters with the unknown things unable to be communicated with. having to find comfort in each other's presence if you understand what i'm trying to convey here. which then evolves into far more intimate moments being shared between them both where one helps the other with his problems and their opinions of each other turning into "ohh so we are one of the same to some degree. then i'll trust you more because i have seen you struggle with the same problems i have in the same way i do"
with the circumstances they were in, they got attached to each other's company Pretty Easily. considering how both of them severely lacked such companionship in their lives. it was a change of pace for the both of them For Sure. after years and years of being together, the trust they built in their relationship was Incomparable to anything else to be honest. they knew each other so so So long that it is now like both of them wouldn't be able to get anywhere without each other. they both had their own reasons for pursuing each other in this sense in specific but for kenix. it always was a desperate attempt for find someone to be there for him covered up as curiousity. kenix has always and Always followed orders his entire life, at first from his family now to listening to whatever prometheus whispers in his mind. his decisions always had this underlying tone of not being by free will. he does what he is told to do.
But trusting azrael and trying his best to be a trustworthy person in his eyes is the first decision that kenix has done by himself. It was his own free will which wanted to befriend azrael in specific. clinging onto him, knowing that azrael could be the one person to understand his troubles. kenix is very much aware of his fate being abruptly ended at some point and he knows that it will come soon. It is only a matter of time. following the orders of prometheus is the only way he can buy himself time to survive. Because he Needs to.
He must persist and keep living. he grasped at the concept of him being allowed to live only if he brings value to others for this long that. he just couldn't bear the thought of becoming Nothing if he wasn't anything of such value. seeking attention and validation through all means possible. all of his terrific actions had no reason other than desperation for recognition behind them. A villain who seemed to be enjoying all of this has only done this for the sake of surviving an another day.
Yet. every time kenix wanted to actually open up to azrael, it turns into a blockage in his throat. Unable to speak up, becoming a voiceless being of some sorts., , the reason being the fear of rejection in his soul. Kenix had to grasp at anything that would've given him a purpose. being prometheus's vessel was exactly done out of that desperation he wasn't even aware of. without the facade, kenix is No One. there is No One behind his carefully curated formal facade. Nothing but an incoherent mess. kenix lacks an identity. But the lack of it, then, is his identity: nothingness, absolute null. All of his emotions and feelings have always been repressed and they continue to be repressed even now. So no matter how hard he tries to differentiate himself from others, he'll end up being someone unintentionally because there is No Originality in him. And that is exactly how there is nothing about his real "self" that he thinks people would want to stay for.
with how much kenix has been repressing his emotions, discarding them and thinking of them as "fake" because he thinks that anything he felt emotionally is a lie. Because he built his whole self on a lie. A lie that he wanted this. he has now managed to lie to himself. thinking that the affection and love he holds for azrael is not real. That their bond is not real. That if he tried to show what he has been hiding behind his front for years, he would drive azrael away from him. When their relationship very much is real! kenix has no idea how to tell what was true and what was fake in him apart, so he just decided to think that everything he feels is a lie
yet. The repressed feelings, the suppressed emotions. They're all still there. Forming an incoherent mess inside of his mind and body. but even then without that mass of emotions, there is nothing else about kenix that is distinct. pure nothingness. and it Truly Scares him to even think of a scenario where azrael finds out what hollow husk of a man kenix is beneath his facade. The fear that azrael would be disgusted. That he would see him as a lowly creature. so kenix can never be truly honest about himself with azrael out of fear that the only person who understood him will leave. he tries to be so careful when talking to azrael lest he would let something about him slip. he can't just lose someone him, no.
but azrael is patient with him, he always has been. he shall wait all the needed time until kenix finally gathers the courage. he may not know what kenix has been meaning to tell him this entire time, but he can see his attempts ever so clearly. kenix is trying his best and azrael wants to make sure that kenix knows that it's alright. azrael may not be an overly kind and positive person but. If it means that someone who needs to be reassured will hear it. Well then. . . yet kenix could never be able to wrap his head around how that could be true. because of how much he was used to the lie he convinced himself with. he has told himself the same thing over and over again so many times that finally being told the opposite truth is just Shocking to him. the fact that someone doesn't want him for his value but for who he is a person
to bring back a previous point, kenix's problem with ken too, is just how much ken makes kenix realize that he is the extra one of the two. Ken had a normal life, he had a normal family, he had everything, ken had it all !. and kenix had nothing to himself. All of it - stolen. it is not even his own physical body, but the body of the original. he is perceived as someone else, he is not distinct from that someone at all in the eyes of others. despite all of his attempts to show himself as an independent person, he will forever be considered. A shadow of someone else. a shadow of the original and it pains him. and now azrael and the other sinners are the only people to ever treat kenix like a person. not like he is somebody else. But his own self. And he couldn't be more grateful that they do. That Azrael Does.
yet he can't be honest. No. No that would destroy everything he has built. everything he has worked for. but the desire. The wish to stay true to the only person he ever would consider being honest with. it has only grown stronger. The reason why he hasn't managed to tell azrael anything is solely because kenix simply felt like it wasn't the time. it will never be the time. so his one and only option was to finally tell azrael his real name. Yi Dal. although it doesn't seem like much, azrael understood the importance of this to kenix. from connecting the pieces of kenix's past story from everything he has ever told him, he could figure out that kenix only has bad associations with his real name regarding his past.
maybe. Just maybe. he could change his view on his real name, the same way kenix changed his view on his surroundings. To become the positive association that is worth remembering whenever kenix is referred by his real name. To be that something to look back at fondly.
And then the Creature™ phases come around with each of them turning into some sorts of fucken beasts ^_^. the cursed forms that in all shapes and forms represent their desires and their inner selves. for each sinner and other curse bearers, these forms are different. but for azrael and kenix.
azrael's form is completely unable to speak in full sentences. it barely speaks Actually. seeming to be straight-forward but it only just shows how azrael was not able to speak out what he thought. he was all action and no talk. which is exactly how his rampage started. he only came to conclusions from so much overthinking and hasn't tried to communicate with anyone. he just thought ot everyone as a traitor and shallow people. it really highlighted just how much he trusted his jealousy and envy rather than confirming things for himself
yet the creature seemed. More over fine with kenix's presence. Like he wasn't just a little friendly being to him! he still lashed out and acted irrationally because this form reflected on azrael's loses and overthinking that jumps straight into conclusions! but he still acted less aggressive with kenix. he didn't need to overthink his actions because of the trust he has in kenix. a bond that was stronger than the envy whispering all sorts of things into his ears. He Knows that he doesn't have to doubt him. yet he is Stuck in this box. a labyrinth of constant hesitation to Trust not only others but himself too. he wishes to free himself from such shackles but it is hard. it has always been hard to let go and change his mindset when it always was his only defense mechanism from being hurt. all of these struggles shaping themselves as a scorpion, a serpent, a venomous creature. something that symbolizes hidden danger. and yet, kenix has found beauty and something to love in such a devasting depiction of his partner. the purest way to show what he truly felt. how much he just hid this somewhere inside of himself. something that he couldn't help but feel pity for
and kenix shall do anything to prove that even then. it's going to be okay. he knows it's okay. azrael has always told him it is alright to feel like this, so surely he meant it for everyone? all struggles will pass eventually and you'll become stronger than ever, that's what azrael has told him a long time ago. even if kenix doesn't see a future for himself, he wants to make that promising future for his only love. To help him become resilient Together. He knows that azrael can do it, he had been through so much. he know he could get through this as well and break free from the curse.
and as for kenix's cursed form and the overrall story it is. So much more .? ?. his cursed form is much more bizarre compared to others. a constant variation of geometrical shapes and other possible physical forms, emiting a some sort of glow. He has lost all of his human characteristics. The true form of his self. the mass of emotions and feelings that have been repressed for decades, even centuries, has finally spilled over. creating a mess out of himself. A fool now no longer bound to a facade but is now letting all of that anguish out. so much madness, frustration and sorrow suppressed in him that is now out in the open for everyone to see. a being no longer able to communicate, for he has turned into something that is only capable of Wails. Sobs out loud. Muffled screams of agony. so many emotions he had yet to properly address yet that it is all coming in as an overwhelming wave of terror. he can no longer hide himself beside a neatly made front
a seemingly unapologetic "villain" reduced to a sorrowful creature. a being so clearly desperate for freedom. to know who he is. to finally be free from these principles chaining him to a life of silence until his death. he feels that his demise is coming soon. and he can't do anything about it. for now he can only be a hostile monster. a vessel, a prophet for prometheus's salvation. because this was planned to be his end a long long time ago. this was his purpose. his only value. once this is done, he will be gone for too. finishing his duty, being allowed rest. despite how much he yearns to keep living. but kenix has always been about acceptance. acceptance of his fate. This Miserable Fate
yet azrael found himself only feeling sympathy, for this was the moment that he has finally learned about his partner's true feelings. and it hurt to hear someone so important and dear to him wallow in pain and anguish like that. that version of kenix was a hostile being, but he still so clearly needed help. he needed the courage to overcome this. to break free from prometheus's influence over everything he did because he never had confidence in such actions. and azrael wanted to help with just that despite their current barrier where they cannot understand one another. just like kenix helped him, he wanted to help kenix create his own future to look forward to. without death. with azrael by his side. to survive. to keep living just like kenix desired to this whole time.
the end of their chapters as cursed beings meant that the both of them could finally experience relief together. a moment of Bliss. the realization that it is over. they get to exist, unshackled from the burdens that once plagued their minds. a possibility for salvation. a chance to live without being bound to their past or their inner desires. just peace and tranquility, their one true wish
But Uh Oh! Bad News Motherfuckers! Y'all forgot this shit was a death timeloop! With how i previously mentioned that the actual protagonist of the story, Yaku, has started a timeloop rooted in the desire of saving what meant the world to him that was dying at the end of the journey. The same kind of important people who cruelly had their lives cut short. And The only other character aware of this timeloop was well. Kenix! with this sudden ending of lives for most of the casts, azrael had also became a victim to these abrupt endings.
having to witness his love's life fade away before his eyes, it is only natural for kenix to also be shocked at the situation that yaku is also stuck in. and this scenario is exactly how yaku became the last one to be cursed, his curse rooted in his one biggest desire. a selfish deed covered up as an act of selflessness. their timelines' restarting, the flow of time now looping on and on until yaku manages to save everyone from these deaths
kenix had no control over this, he was forced to watch the protagonist and his nephew descend into madness over a singular goal. while also having to relive his entire life over and over again. a cycle of misery for everyone involved. the others would never be able to realize that this was a timeloop, so the first and the original time they had done this. Has became their script. that everyone, including kenix, had to follow until the end
of course in the first few loops, kenix had also tried to do everything in his power to ensure that his friends. that azrael. would be safe from their gruesome demise. yet their endings had already been written as part of the unchangeable fate by the forces above. neither kenix or yaku had a chance at succeeding. despite kenix's own attempts to save his partner, there was nothing he could do. he could only Watch how his impending doom was slowly getting closer
it was Painful. he could see azrael, he feel him, talk to him, interact with him in general just like normal. yet it wasn't him. no that could never be azrael ever again. that azrael felt surreal. abnormal. like he was programmed beforehand. there was nothing new about him and he felt so Off. Because kenix was aware that this is just the repeating of their original story. it's like he talked to someone playing pretend. his original feeling of "this doesn't feel real (positive)" when he first met azrael has turned into "this doesn't feel real. (derogatory)" kind of feeling. seeing azrael like this was just tormenting. a painful reminder that he will, one day, leave him not by will. and kenix will have to learn to live without him
to live without the person who had shown him love and how to love for the first time ever. a someone who had changed the course of his life so much. brought down what kenix had thought of the world and built it anew. keeping his silence about the truth because now. it was the only the thing that he could never ever tell azrael. what he had seen that day. None of it. for his sake.
perhaps, if they had never met here. if they had met at a different time.
In short, they are so fucking Doomed.
smth smth. Yeag. Good Fucking Lord They Make Me Sick
#there are so so many things kenix wants to tell azrael. yet that fear lingering in his heart that becomes the obstacle in his throat.#kenix is scared of rejection by the only person he loved but azrael never would reject him in the first place.#azrael had always been a guide to him in the situations that seemed like they had no way out of.#knowing that he always had someone to rely on. someone to come back to and greet kenix with open arms.#while kenix was something else for azrael. That someone that brought joy to his life. Like the nameless girl.#azrael will always seek out kenix. he'll find him through any means possible. to make sure that he's safe#he doesn't want to repeat his reckless mistake after all.#this is not even talking about how they both take care of the same 12 yr old girl (sora) who is part of the sins crew#essentially becoming her parents. growing even closer to each other#this whole thing is why i like the idea azrael and 2nd main story arc kenix interacting.#kenix in a far better state of mind still grieving the loss of his beloved people. getting to see that one special someone again#a bittersweet thought.#however. kenix would no longer ever seek that kind of love with someone else. what he had with azrael Was Special#forever immortalizing it by keeping azrael's ring he had gifted him and remembering his partner.#to find someone else is to betray his only love. And he could never bear the thought of having to live with that#azrael may have been deleted from this reality with no one else to remember him. But kenix will forever keep him in his heart#perhaps if things were different. they could still be writing their next chapter together.#but i guess there's no point in lamenting about that now Huh?#okay but actually. CRYING AND SOBBIJG AND POINTING AT THEM. GOD THEY MAKE ME SO SAD.#“they had such a close bond that they meant everything to each other” “yeah idk man They're So Fucking Gay For Each Other”#yomo ocs?!#yomoart#ocs#kenix#azrael
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looking at some takes on characters or relationships or scenes in which things happen between them and just thinking,
How in the hell are people interpreting it this way??? But then i step back and realize that the story or character in question is fundamentally and extraordinarily different from the average person's life experience and I go,
ah,
you guys just... don't have a deep enough understanding of trauma responses...
#mine#vagueblogging again i guess but this applies to many things#its honestly okay that the general public doesn't grasp the deeper layers at play because tbh theyre not often explored in media#to that degree at least#ive known someone with deep. Deep. DEEP traumas#shit that no human should ever go through and sounds almost cartoonishly evil#and the truth is#healing from that is UGLY. the impact it has on how a person interacts with their life is unimaginable#and it often makes NO SENSE AT ALL to someone who hasn't experienced the same shit#it's not as simple as 'i'm sad or scared and i cry easily but if youre nice to me and love me it'll go away'#in my own experience of loving someone like that#you sometimes have to work at helping them rewrite their entire philosophies.#things you wouldnt even think of#sometimes expressing sadness or pain is the hardest part about it because they're so used to turning the other cheek to survive#sometimes theyre so used to being manipulated that they reject any kindness you offer in the most viscerally violent way#and it hurts!#communication is HARD!#receiving love is HARD!#i was listening to Raon Lee's cover of Kokoronashi#and thinking about how raw the emotions are in the lyrics#and how so many average joes out there wouldn't be able to make any sense of it but those who do get it really get it#(essentially like... 'i wish you would just get it overwith and tear me apart#bc it would hurt less than the confusion i feel at how you're kind to me and holding me and promising to never let go...#at least i know how to handle the pain of dying#this is so confusing and frightening what youre doing to me. i hate it i hate it but please... don't leave me alone')#(its such a gorgeous song)#sHIT AND THEN 2 SECONDS LATER I FIND KOHANA LAM'S COVER OF IT AND IT'S SO MUCH MOR E#for the love of god look up that song and turn on lyrics captions
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This might not be anything, but while writing about your fics, the way you have the characters' mannerisms down PERFECTLY got me thinking about mirroring...
There's a lot of it in 7 (Horii is a directorial genius etc etc), most of it more intentional than these probably are, but there's something so interesting about mirroring that takes the tone of a (relatively) fond memory, a familiar gesture, and inverts it in the way shown here.
OH I'M GLAD YOU'VE NOTICED THESE TOO I think I mentioned it months back (or I drafted a post 'bout it but didn't think it was anything noteworthy) but I always really did like how the Arakawa Family mimicked each other's mannerisms (also circling back to how Jo and Masato calling Ichiban 'Ichi' presumably after picking it up from Arakawa)!
Aoki actually does the same sitting gesture too! I went back to double check and skim through the rest of the game's cutscenes, and as far as I could tell unless I skipped a scene, it really is only these three that do this specific pose:
It's such a small detail but I love it immensely and it really does highlight their connections with each other and it drives me insane
#snap chats#the fact aoki holds his left fist with his right like jo..... im gonna be sick... (crying)#potential hints that aoki really does favor jo and/or spends more time with him... or i might be delirious. could be both even..#focusing on how jo mimics arakawa though i dont think i have to say i love how it is inverted intention wise#like of course in arakawa's situations he's in a position where he's helping ichi and speaking calmly with him#while with jo Evidently each interaction is more tense and antagonistic#really is a cool way to emphasize that whole 'step parent' angle if that makes sense#OH BUT THANK YOU ON MY WRITING that's a huge compliment: i'm glad you think i have their mannerisms down !#accuracy is a big thing to me... in case we haven't picked that up yet.... i should relax a little tbh--#BUT i'd like to think my brain's good at visualizing things and i think i've 'studied' enough to get an acceptable result in what i show#it's like... if i can't see it in my head clearly or it doesn't look right then i wanna keep trying until it DOES look right yk#dont want a Hello Kitty Wouldnt Do Xanax moment... only on occasion.... a lil xanax wouldnt hurt as long as its not too far gone ☠️#alright im. DELIRIOUS.#to end this off i watched the first episode of Sailor Suit and Machine Gun !#my japanese is. HORRENDOUS BUT the art of inference and context clues and stray knowledge got me through it#i'm excited to watch the next episode even if i'm only really getting half the impact from the dialogue#BUT THE FEELING'S THERE... the emotion's there#embarrassingly i almost cried when izumi was crying in the theater over her dad while she was eating cause like Girl Me Too ☠️☠️#ill go one day without mentioning my dad i promise... todays not that day tho ☠️#IN ANY CASE. thank you for droppin the episodes on me !! i can't stress never tiring of having new things to watch#ill watch the next episode tonight probably. i was gonna go out to get lunch buuuut my moms home#so there goes that plan.. at least my bro got me food while /he/ went out today lmao
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(advice appreciated + long ass tags)
this sucks this sucks this SUCKS FUCK. ive been hokeschooled / "unschooled" for the entirety of my 8th grade and school is starting again in 2 weeks and i really want and really need to be back in school but idk if im mentally at all ready. opening day would be best to go back obviously but i didn't spend anytime during summer preparing for the routine / fixing my damn sleep schedule but i really need this .
i also know its gonna SUCK because i have severe sensory processing issues (tldr my brain Cannot filter out uncomfortable noises / textures / etc andi go Fucking ballistic and melt/shutdown) and even at home im having multiple daily meltdowns / panic attacks from just the everyday noises / sensations so god forbid what it will be like around 300 teenagers who don't know personal space exists.. i also have a severe anxiety disorder / autism so itll be even MORE fun :-) yaAy (thats not factoring in PDA disorder which is made my dad drop me out anyways because its Fucking Hell trying to go to school with that)
but i want this. i need this . iwant to get an education. i wanr to be around kids my age instead of being forced to be inside all day. i want to have routine and make friends and feel normal. im just scared that because of circumstances out of my control ill never get that
#i already dont have the mental / emotional milestones appropriate for my age. like massively behind. bro i need this#having to factor in the school part of school ...#my brother in christ i don't even know how to multiply and divide#or more basic spelling (save me autocorrect)#how will i survive in a giant room full of kids my age or younger who are all objectively smarter than me while I'm always 3 seconds away#-from a panic attack#i never told my dad or teachers any of this because i don't want to be held back and forced to not be around kids my age and#waste my teenage years away#i don't want to be 15 entering back fucking 5th grade#even if im not held back i don't know at all how to interact with people. at all#autism + panic attack thing + i was never taught Any sort of masking or social interaction#not joking bout the masking part.#i envy the people who say they get invisible shutdowns in social situations and people believe they're neurotypical#because if i get even slighty overstimulated i start crying/screaming/running away on the spot#emotional regulation is like . an alien concept to me . my emotions are inherently explosive#and i KNOW im not like this medicated because i used to be on anxiety meds that would stop the panic attacks but-#one day my dad just??? decided??? to throw away all my meds without at all telling me or my psychiatrist ????#“i dont want you taking these anymore” ???? okay ?????#we weren't having any problems he just Decided he didnt want me happy anymore I Guess#anyways weird dad tangent aside#im stupid + dont know how interact + dont know how to be normal + schedule that doesn't fit =/= school#but i need to get an education to be normal ane get a job 😭😭#what do i do#advice needed#advice would be appreciated#school#school advice#sorry for the long post#~ . 🌾
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unfair that the Brain Things have an effect on my body and the Meat Things have an effect on my head. extremely poorly constructed and I want to Get Rid of It but there is not a convenient way to Do That.
#another general whinge. huzzah.#do not!!!!! want to spend an hour or so crying after a social interaction/planned future social interaction didn't go as planned!#utterly wretched horrible.#it also doesn't help that my knowledge of courtship ritual ends in probably the 1950s#if I can't help you out of the car [don't have it; can't drive it] at the dancing location [you don't want to go to it]#can't take you to the soda fountain or the movies [we live in a one-horse town with never such a thing as either]#can't save you from peril [isn't any] or hold you tenderly [hard to get any space alone with the right vibe] or anything else [i'm scared]#fuck. fuck. sobbing continues despite the fact that I should be better than this. hell and death.#if I was having only one of Bad At Do Assignment and Bad At Writing and Bad At Whatever This Is then I think I could take it.#but unfortunately I am experiencing all three simultaneously
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no pairing in the world will ever serve as much cunt as a courier x benny one, i will die with this truth in my heart
#rena.txt#benny is bi btw you can try and tear away from me this notion but i will bring it with me in the grave#like it might be my bias for my moira/benny but like the insanity of it all makes me delirious.#this guy in a fucking checkered suit talking all weird puts a bullet through the couriers head but he's so fail cringe that they survive an#now they are hunting him down. like for me the funny thing with moira is that it's all a matter of obsession. you saw me put benny under#enemy & lover in that template but lord is it all in her head. like she wakes up after a near death experience with half of her memories#lost and pre-incident moira would've tried to get the package back only out of spite but in this case it's simply bc..she is missing a#purpose now. she doesn't remember any family or friend or personal desire beside the fact she was there to deliver a package and she doesnt#even know what's inside. retriving is the only purpose to keep on living now. that and revenge which leads to obsession. but along the way#as she discovers piece after piece of benny. retracing the road that lead him to her..obsession gets more and more intense and suddenly#he's like a lover to her like they just had a silly little lovers quarrel that ended with a bullet. and it's all in her head and ofc ALL on#sided like the only interaction is the canon meeting at the tops that leads to the canon fucking akfjskf (again very silly cringe fail of#benny to even accept fucking the person he thought he killed. i love him) and it's like. the whole road she did with this idea of meeting#him and love (lmao) but he's there now and she can't kill the revengeful part of her obsession and for a second it's all like a dream. THE#dream that lived so long in her head. the ILLUSION. but now it's all so real and the Only end here is his death and she doesn't avoid it.#she embraces it she's HAPPY to kill him to have her revenge but the obsession..the obsession never leaves. now that he dies what's left?#and what about all the lil movies of them (insane) she played in her mind? so she's crying and laughing at the same time now in a mixture o#euphoria for finally taking tf out from the world that piece of shit and pain for the end of her little mind-movie. a fight between#irreality and reality. her illusions and the cold dead body resting next to hers.#i could eviscerate this concept forever just know i love my insane lil gal
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Ok but like why do I see him growing up, pretending he doesn't care about his Mom, but his Mom ends up being his world/the thing you DO NOT mess with?
Like I'm imagining him visiting Ford in a nursing home and they start insulting each other. Ford throws a "yo mama" joke or something A. Just to get under his skin & B. Not being aware he has a human mother now, & Bill starts going off, crying and incoherently insulting him without any of what he's saying making any sense, he's just hurt & trying to defend the mother who he "totally doesn't care about"
Either that or he's about to get into it with adult Dipper & Mable, then his Mom calls & asks him to come home to help her cook dinner. On speakerphone. He agrees, she says "Love you~", he says "I have a fondness for your caretaking" in a love-you-too-mom tone, hangs up, then points dramatically at the twins saying "THIS ISN'T THE LAST YOU'LL SEE OF ME!" with Dipper having a shit eating grin & Mable just waving bye with a big ole heartwarming smile
Probably gonna sketch the second idea at some point, will let you know if/when I finish it ❤️
This is actually the most accurate interpretation about Bill's interactions with other people in this au ☝️
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When They Give You the Silent Treatment as a Joke
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Bang Chan
Decides to give you the silent treatment as a joke, thinking it’ll be funny, since he saw it while scrolling through Instagram
Initially avoids making eye contact and gives only curt nods, completely engrossing himself in his work.
Notices you trying to get his attention but continues the act.
Feels a bit guilty but thinks you’ll laugh it off later.
Realizes the joke has gone too far when you start to tear up.
But he's too busy to notice you've actually started crying until Felix points it out.
Immediately drops the act and rushes to comfort you.
Apologizes profusely, explaining it was just a joke.
Holds you close and reassures you that he never meant to hurt you.
Promises to be more considerate in the future.
Spends extra time with you, making sure you’re okay. Completley forgetting about the work he was doing.
"Aw, baby I could never hate you. It was just a joke I saw it while looking for edits. I promise...you want to watch edits of me? ...But I'm right here?"
Lee Know
Thinks the silent treatment will be a harmless joke. He got the idea from Jisung.
Acts - for lack of better phrase - like an utter bitch.
Is so in character he doesn't notice the way you've started fidgeting anxiously.
Or the way your bottom lip has started to tremble.
Realizes the joke has gone too far when hears you begin to cry.
Breaks character immediately, apologizing - which is saying something since its Minho - and explaining it was a joke.
Pins the blame on Jisung.
Spends the day doing small acts of kindness to make it up to you.
Constantly checks on you to ensure you’re feeling better, since it seems you've distanced yourself.
Vows to never participate in such pranks again.
Gives you a long hug, whispering apologies - which is how you know he is regretful since he's apologized more than once.
"It was Jisung's ideas. I'm sorry. I promise I won't ever listen to any of Jisung's stupid ideas ever again jagiya..."
Changbin
Agrees to the prank since Felix had seen it on tiktok and thought it would be funny for both of them to do it since Felix was the second closest member to you besides your bf.
Keeps his distance and avoids talking to you, often just continuing conversations as if he hadn't heard you.
Feels a bit guilty but sticks to the prank.
Starts to worry when he sees you becoming increasingly upset.
Realizes the prank has gone too far when you start crying.
Immediately scoops you up into his arms and just lets you cry waiting for you to calm down
Felix is apologizing to you while he does this.
Takes the lead in making sure you know he’s genuinely sorry by clinging to you the rest of the day.
Talks 10x more than usual, ensuring you know he never meant to hurt you.
Brings you small gifts and treats to cheer you up.
Promises to communicate better in the future.
"I'm sorry baby...I was being dumb I promise I won't do that ever again."
Hyunjin
Thinks you'll act dramtically so he agrees.
Avoids interacting with you, keeping a straight face.
Is a bit confused when you just stalk off.
Starts to feel uneasy when you've been gone a while.
Realizes the prank has gone too far when he sees you crying alone.
He goes to sit next to you and apologize.
But now you're giving him the silent treatment.
Insists on talking it out with you.
Goes out of his way to do thoughtful things for you until you finally talk to him.
Frequently checks in on you to make sure you’re feeling better.
Promises to be more considerate in the future.
"Ya jagiiiiiiiiiiyyaaaaaaaa...talk to meeeeeeee...please? It was a joke. Jagiiiiiiiiiiiii!"
Han
A little skeptical at first since he thinks you'll be anxious and overthink since thats how he would react.
But after the guys show him a bunch of different and amusing reactions he concedes.
Finds it amusing at first
Feels a twinge of guilt when you start looking upset.
He gets extremely anxious seeing tap your knee and fidget.
Oh boy he see's your tears welling up.
Breaks down first, apologizing and explaining it was a joke before you even have a chance to start fully crying.
Tries to make you laugh with jokes and silly antics to cheer you up.
Clings to you like a spider monkey. He needs to be resting against you in some way shape or form.
Brings you little gifts and snacks as a way of saying sorry and to make himself feel a little better.
Oh the amount of kisses he is giving you just to make sure you know he is sorry and he loves you.
"Baby stop squirming. There is no such thing as too many kisses. Let me kiss youuuu!!!"
Felix
Hesitantly agrees to the prank, worried it might go too far.
Plays along, giving you the silent treatment but feeling guilty the entire time.
Starts to worry as you look more hurt and confused.
Realizes the prank has gone too far when you start crying.
He doesn't listen to the guys when they say to let it go on a bit longer.
Apologizes profusely.
Just lets you rest in his arms until you fall asleep and stays in the same position until you wake up from your sad boi hour nap.
Bakes your favorite treats as an apology.
For the rest of the day he makes sure he's always talking to you about something and explains it was a joke ever five minutes.
Acknowledges he thought it was a bad idea to begin with.
"I didn't want to. I hate seeing you sad, I'm sorry angel. If you forgive me than at least finish your brownie."
Seungmin
Agrees to the prank since he thinks you'll be able to handle it. And its not like he is the most talkative person; maybe you won't even notice.
Oh but you do notice. And this is making your already bad day even worse.
Keeps a straight face, giving you the cold shoulder.
Wonders slightly why you have haven't jokingly scolded or insulted him yet
Realized its because you're in the kitchen crying.
Breaks character, and gives you a hug.
Its not until you push him away does he apologize.
You're still a little upset, so he makes it up to you by taking you out on a date.
Tries to make it up to you with small acts of kindness throughout your date as well.
Only asks once or twice if you're still mad at him.
Realizes you're not when you lovingly insult him about something during your dinner.
Secretly promises to be more considerate in the future, because he doesn't want to verbalize that to you.
I probably shouldn't do this again...even if Y/N does look cute when they cry...
Jeongin
All of the members try to convince him not to do this prank.
Doesn't listen at all.
Avoids talking to you, keeping a straight face, even when you helplessly pull at his shirt sleeves.
Starts feeling guilty as you look more hurt, but it adamant about proving to his hyungs that he wasn't in the wrong for pulling this prank.
Realizes he was oh so wrong when he see's you clinging to Chan crying.
Chan is the one who makes I.N. apologize.
He apologizes immediately, and gets an earful from Minho who has a soft spot for you.
But now he feels so bad and doesn't feel like talking out of guilt and shame from being scolded.
So now the rest of the guys are cheering up both their babies.
Just pouts sadly while cuddling you.
Once you guys are back to normal you make him promise to listen to his hyungs.
"I promise I'll listen to them next time...but...wasn't it kinda nice for them to baby both of us?"
@abovenyx @wolfs-archive @oddracha
@iyeeeverydee @parisanmorovati @seungmincenteric
@panbish-1209 @fxiry-vtt @sseawavee
@shuporanporang @amarecerasus @softkisshyunjin
@whoa-jo @meanergreener @rikibun
@ayyonoona @shinywombatcrusade @y4yayael
@skzstan12345 @mariteez @allys-reads
@jazziwritesthings @skzstannie @yongbokkiesworld
@kkkeopi @neverendingstay @moony-9
@minsungsthirdwheel
#skz imagines#stray kids#skz stay#skz x reader#skz reactions#stray kids reactions#skz x gn reader#skz fluff
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❝ I ONLY LOVE IT WHEN YOU TOUCH ME, NOT FEEL ME ❞
──── Warm jets of water bathed every inch of Toji's skin, the sound of water falling onto the floor in a cascade echoed throughout the bathroom. With his heightened senses, Toji quickly noticed the presence of another person with him in the bathroom, but soon flashed a brief smile when he realized it was you.
After observing over his shoulders, he goes back to soaking his dark hair, removing any remaining traces of shampoo. You allowed yourself to feel the droplets dripping from Toji's body as you hugged him from behind, uniting both bodies.
Even though you and Toji were just hooking up, the intense connection between you two was undeniable and the chemistry you possessed was palpable. When your bodies were together, they exuded lust.
"I don't usually shower with an audience, doll." He says playfully, without even turning in your direction.
"Would you prefer I leave?" You ask softly, as you slowly kiss Toji's shoulder blades.
"You know well that staying here is dangerous, don't you?" He turns to face you, his eyes locking with yours, both gazes silently expressing desire, orbs burning under each other's stare.
"Tsk, and what more could happen?" Your arms wrap around Toji's neck after your suggestive question.
"Playing the dumb little girl doesn't suit you at all." He responds promptly, moving his face slightly closer to yours.
You feel graced by the sight before you: Toji displaying a small and suggestive smile, his tempting scar curving along with it, his wet hair dripping and water running down his muscular body. Now, still trapped under Toji's penetrating gaze, you can feel him brushing his cock against your skin, soon bringing his mouth to your ear.
"It's getting hot in here, don't you think?" He whispers, the warm breath blowing against the side of your face, making your body shiver all over.
You are already more than surrendered to Toji's firm touches on your equally water-soaked body. His mouth trails a path to yours, where he doesn't hesitate to kiss you with a certain roughness. The atmosphere shifts completely; the only sounds echoing through the bathroom are the waterfall of the shower and the vulgar sounds coming from the two of you.
"I need you so much, Toji..." You whimper, pouting softly against his lips.
In a sudden gesture, Toji lifts you effortlessly off the ground, pressing your body against the cold and wet wall. His mouth moves away from yours just to better capture your expression when he thrusts his hard cock into your intimacy.
Your pleasure rapidly escalates, your senses overridden by an overpowering urge to cry out for Toji after the initial thrusts into your needy pussy.
"Do you like it this way, kitty? Do you like how my cock hits you just right, huh?" Toji taunts mockingly, growling hoarsely as he hits deeper.
It seemed magical the control Toji had over your body, how powerless you felt when his cock was treating your pussy this way. It was never in your plans to be completely surrendered to Toji, but it wasn't something you could decide or choose, he had that hold over you.
"A-ah, Toji!" Your whimpers please Toji's ears. The shower water still flowed incessantly, both the moans and the friction between bodies seemed to compete for which sound sounded louder.
"Come on, sweetie, cum for me, cum with me." Toji urges. Your vision blurs and the knot in your belly unravels as you reach the peak. Toji reaches his own climax simultaneously, releasing the thick and milky liquid inside you, mixing it with your juices. The sweat of both is washed away by the shower above as you both try to align your heavy breaths, your once desire-filled gazes now reflecting satisfaction.
⠀
So I don't leave you all missing me for too long 🤭
I tried to correct it briefly, but I'm too tired to distinguish what's right or wrong there, sorryyy :c
Your interaction is very important to me, reblogs and comments are always welcome. 🫶🏻💕
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