#if only someone who was more articulate wrote it...

[rodolfoparras]

Oh gosh, hi hello howdy. I’ve always quietly lurked on your blog because it makes me so fucking feral but I’m too nervous about saying anything. But!! I’m being brave, saying hello, and idk bringing a little treat too I suppose

idk what specifically got me hooked onto this idea, but it was def something you wrote that was scream worthy but but all it did was make me imagine:

Price just being this perfect soldier, perfect leader, gruff and hard around the edges because he has to be in his line of work. Sharp voice, stern face, no-nonsense and all authority. Then reader comes around. Price is all bark and bite, but oh with reader—something shakes loose in his chest.

It doesn’t come up in the field. It doesn’t come up on base either. It’s some little dinky bar where the team has holed up in after a rough mission to celebrate a safe return and lick their wounds in relative, drunken peace. And it starts with just the brush of your arm against Price’s neck. It was an accident. You reached for something over his shoulder, Ghost handing you another drink or you swatting at a laughing Soap, and it was really just the loose fabric of your sleeve against Price’s skin.

Price has spent so long being alpha alpha alpha. It’s what’s expected of a military man, what’s expected of a captain and leader. But something about the touch against the back of his neck—of you touching his neck, holding him, collaring him. It’s lucky the lights are low enough no one notices the flush spreading across his face and the music is too loud to hear that soft little whimper.

Anywayyyy love the blog hehe <3

Hello sugar cube!! I’m so glad you popped in pls know y’all are genuinely always welcome here I can understand feeling nervous but believe me I absolutely love talking to y’all! 🥹🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

Also before I say anything else I just have to say you articulate yourself in such a beautiful way I absolutely love the way you write sugar🧎🏻‍♂️

Second of all I’ve always loved the thought of price giving up control

Imagine price who’s always been forced to take charge and make decisions, always been captain or lieutenant, someone important before he’s been a mere soldier, always carrying so much responsibilities on his shoulders

When you came around he hadn’t expected to start a relationship with you it kind of just happened much like he just happened to give up control to you

Price would always be up on his feet before anyone else, preparing coffee and making sure him and his team have everything they need for their mission, but now he’s woken up by the smell of coffee and met with the sight of your smiling face holding out a cup for him .

He takes it gracefully, sipping on it contentedly, feeling himself become more and more alert as the caffeine enters his system.

He’s just about to say how he needs to prepare for the upcoming mission when you abruptly cut him off with a kiss, ever so carful not to tip the cup of warm liquid on him.

He happily accepts your kiss, a contented sigh escaping his lips and it’s your smile that finally breaks the kiss.

“I’ve already prepared everything,” you say, smile still painted on your face.

He only manages a surprised “oh” in response, brows raising high at your words before he bashfully thanks you for what you’ve done.

Once he’s done with his coffee you put his mug down on the night stand before you take his hand and pull him out of the bed, playfully tugging him over to the bathroom where you’re quick to start up a shower for him.

He mumbles something under his breath probably something along the lines of how he’s a grown man and can take care of himself and doesn’t need you to prepare showers for him but he secretly loves it

As soon as he steps foot in the shower, you’re hot on his tail, pouring shower gel into your hands, and soaping them up before burying your fingers into his hair.

A groan escapes his lips, eyes fluttering shut as he leans into the wonderful feeling.

Maybe you’re going over the mission with him or maybe you’re just humming some tune or maybe you’re trailing kisses down his neck while massaging his tense shoulders

Ether way he absolutely loves it feels like he’s in heaven because of it and of course the sweet thing gets so worked up, all hot and bothered from having someone pampering him this much, cock all hard and weeping between his thighs and there’s no way you’ll have him this tense before a mission so of course you sneak your hand between his legs and gently pumping his length

He’s clawing at your arm, head lolling back onto your shoulder as groans and whimpers escape him.

It doesn’t take much before the sweet thing is inching closer to his release, head burying into your neck and begging you to let him finish and who are you to deny him?

You quickly dry him up and help him dress before you ready yourself for the mission.

Youre checking your weapons and gear going over whatever you’ll need before taking the liberty to check his stuff and he’s all red in the face muttering curses under his breath but he absolutely loves everything you do for him and the rest of tf141 knows it as they stand there quietly chuckling in the background

Well out on the field you’re hot on his heal, your form towering over him, chest flushed to his back, hand on him to keep him in close vicinity while moving quietly

And if a bullet happens to graze him you’re lashing out at whoever wasn’t properly covering him getting all up in their face and cursing them out so much that Price has to pull you back by the waist while trying to suppress the smile tugging at his lips

And on your way back home you’re checking up on him constantly, even sitting next to him in the helicopter, thighs flush with his, arm around him, letting him lean his body onto yours, and checking every once a while on the injury he’s got

And of course when you’re back home you got him sprawled out on the bed, head buried between his legs, making him cum over and over, til there’s nothing but pathetic spurts of cum coming from him.

As he lay there, sated and fucked out, Price realizes he’s finally let someone else have control for once.

[slytherinslut0]

ignore me for a second because this is literally just going to be insistent nonsensical rambling but what i really crave more than anything else currently is a story dissecting tom riddles one fundamental flaw; his inexperience/inability to feel selfless, genuine love.

i have, for the most part, written my tom very removed from canon but i just feel like a story surrounding this could be so beautiful if articulated right. i think of how i wrote mattheo in beg for me—he was so reluctant to let himself feel love because along with it came fear; fear of abandonment fear of vulnerability fear of what it could mean to have something worth losing. tom’s fear would be tenfold.

i don’t know if i’m crazy but i just need that angst from him right now. i love self assured emotionally detached composed tom riddle but a tom riddle who finds himself enamoured with you to the point he’s wishing he never met you because he misses the man he was before you—the restrained man with nothing to lose—yes, the thought of that does something to me.

not to mention i’ve been listening to sleep token nonstop and if these lyrics don’t fit tom then idk:

“I’m not here to be the saviour you long for, only the one you don’t.”

i love this line and i feel as though this would be something tom says to you as you’re attempting to push him away. such a prose fits him so well because he’d be trying to tell you that he may not be the hero in your story but his presence is still significant in its own right. he’s never claimed to be the good guy but that you could gain something from him you may not realize yet.

“I’ll take a pound of your flesh before you take a piece of my paystub.”

a threat spat through a clenched jaw and hunger blown pupils. uttered from the lips of a lying man who knows he’d never lay a finger on you and would kill anyone who dared to try. he’s still in denial of his feelings, you’re in denial of yours. the two of you so alike you’re destined to butt heads.

“Turn me into your mannequin and I’ll turn you into my puppet queen.”

tom often presents himself as someone willing to be molded to gain trust. it’s different with you because you know this. you’ve accepted it. you need eachother—you feed off eachother—you’d be a fool to ignore it. he uses you for one thing and you use him for another. you can’t fall victim to his tricks if you know that’s all they are. surface value. mutual manipulation.

alright i will stop rambling. i’d love to write this but i don’t think i could ever do him justice.

[olderthannetfic]

The yaelokre thing is reminding me of something I did when I was about seven or eight years old.

I had a bunch of toy horses and had invented extensive lore for them. It was a sprawling fantasy world, and each toy horse was a specific character in that world with specific relations to the other horses. These weren't just random toys I'd pick up when I was bored, the box of horses was an ongoing creative endevour that I had poured a lot of time and effort into (there were convoluted family trees drawn on graph paper and an in-universe newspaper I wrote with coloured pencils and handed out to my parents and siblings).

Anyway, one time a neighbour girl came over and played with the horses, which I was OK with in theory (and not sharing one's toys was some sort of high crime in my mom's book), but the neughbour girl made the pink princess pony be a bratty child instead of the adult diplomat character I'd developed her has.

I pitched a fit.

Absolute screaming meltdown. I could not tolerate someone taking my creation and doing it wrong. It genuinely hurt me to see my creation misused and twisted in that way, and the only way I had to express that was to scream at the neighbour girl for playing with a plastic toy wrong.

The difference between me and Yaelokre is that I was eight years old and Yaelokre is old enough to use twitter. And Yaelokre had the option to not post their characters on the internet, while I, because of my mom's rules, did not have the option of not sharing my horse characters with the neighbour girl.

So I undestand how Yaelorke feels and I sympathize with them, but I'm also going "dude, you had a choice here and you brought this on yourself".

--

(Anon who threw a fit at age 8 because someone played with a toy horsie wrong) I remember trying to explain to my mom, through the tears and the meltdown and an eight year old's grasp of things, that my horse characters were personal and meaningful and having someone "ruin" the story like that felt like a violation. And mom just got mad at me for being selfish and refusing to share my toys "It's just a toy horse, she didn't break it or anything". But I wasn't upset about the neighbour girl waving around a piece of plastic wrong, it wasn't the toy horse I was upset about, it was something iddy that I had created, and what upset me was my perception that I was being ignored and my thoughts and feelings were being misused, not the plastic horse. Yaelokre can probably understand and articulate their own feelings better than I could when I was eight, but they also seem to be feeling the exact same way, so if any of you are going to try to confront them about this, just know that laughing at them or getting mad at them will probably make things worse and make them feel even more trampled and violated than the fanworks existing in the first place, and will not make them go "oh well, it's just fiction, I'll learn to live with it". Because it probably isn't just fiction to them, it's an expression of their id.

I hate it when adults don't grasp this about kids' stuff. It's so common.

The more yaelokre keeps at this, the more they're going to find out the hard way how the internet treats people who regulate their emotions like a small child.

[thedevilrisen]

Cool Continuations

Quinn x Reader!oc

Word Count: 900 words!

Authorial Note: Part two of ‘Concrete Impressions.’ This is also a part of Cookie’ Universe! Thank you for the overwhelming amount of support on this au so far 🥺🫶🏼. NOTE THAT THIS IS ALSO A NORMAL QUINN FIC, IT IS A READER INSERT THAT ALIGNS WITH MY AU.

Warnings: Mentions of War in a classroom context.

‘The Vietnam War, started on the first of November, 1955…’ Quinn rested his chin on his balled-up fist. The bottom, bony part of his elbow was turning red and beginning to ache from how much weight he was resting on it. He wasn’t paying attention to the lecture at all. Normally, he only paid attention if it was dire or if he had an exam fast approaching. But today was different. He glanced periodically over at Cookie, paying attention to someone else entirely.

Quinn was hunched over, day-dreaming himself silly over the idea of being her prince charming. He imagined teaching her to skate, maybe even getting her to come to one of his games, wearing his jersey...

“What was that date again?” Y/N sighed, looking pensively at her iPad notes. Quinn’s heart jumped—he wanted to answer her, just to see her smile. He quickly Googled it, then read her the answer. In doing this, he learned he could be the one to make her smile, something he had already decided was his favorite thing. He pretended to absorb all the professor’s information like a sponge, even jotting down a few notes when she did.

Soon, he was noticing even more details about her, things he couldn’t help but find adorable. She was so particular about her academics; her notes were methodically typed and organized. She used both a physical calendar and an online one, and had a habit of thinking out loud. During a small writing task, she mumbled to herself, like a human articulation machine. She would say a word, then scrunch up her face, muttering something about there being a better one. He found himself smiling whenever she did this, realizing he didn’t just like seeing the joy on her face when she found the right word—he loved it.

‘Homework is due by 9 p.m. on Friday… dismissed!’

Quinn watched as she wrote this down in her physical planner: left side, third row down. He barely knew her, but he already felt himself sliding from curiosity to borderline obsession. He wanted to know every little thing that made Cookie unique, down to the tiniest detail. "What are you doing for the rest of the afternoon, Cookie?”

He watched as Y/N meticulously packed her notebook and iPad into her bag, slinging it back onto her shoulder. She adjusted her hair, tucking it over her ear. “I’m heading back to my dorm to have a pretty tame night. I’ll probably finish homework for this class, as well as my work for bio! It’s Tuesday though, so I’ll be ordering Indian and watching Gilmore Girls!”

Quinn smiled to himself gently. “Sounds like a packed evening there!”

“It will be, but it’s relaxing to me.” She quietly thanked a classmate who held the door open for them. Once they were in the corridor, Quinn lingered, desperate to absorb every second he could with her.

“Do you have anything on tonight, Quinn?”

The dazed look in his eyes dulled, and he snapped back to the moment. “I have hockey training tonight. We’ve got a game on Thursday, against BU.”

“Fun!” she said with a beaming smile, removing her heavy bag to hold it in front of her. Quinn noticed this and put two and two together—she’d been holding it too long, and it was getting heavy.

“I hope you do well in that game, Quinn!”

Quinn scratched the back of his neck, letting out a sheepish laugh as his eyes crinkled with a smile. “I was actually wondering… I know it’s sudden and short notice, but would you like to come? I could get you a ticket.”

He watched as surprise washed over her features. “You would want me to come?”

“Yeah!” What he really wanted to say was, I’d love for you to be there, but he managed, “I think it would be great if you were there!”

She smiled, a small joy-filled expression that just about melted Quinn. “I’d love to be there if it’s not too much hassle to get me a ticket?”

“Not at all! I can get you one and message it to you… I would need your phone number though!” He was trying to play his cards right. Even though he barely knew her, he knew these hours were some of the most formative and important he’d ever lived.

“Here, pass your phone—I can put it in!” Quinn placed his phone in her small, delicate hand and watched as her nimble fingers typed in her number before she handed it back carefully. “I have to go, but I’m sure I’ll see you again, Polka-dot.”

“Polka-dot?” Quinn looked down at her, bewildered. “What kind of nickname is that?”

“You’ll just have to find out!” She grinned at him, her hair waving as she turned and made her way toward the exit, her bag slung back on her shoulder. Quinn felt dazed, in awe of everything about her—her beauty, her kindness, and most of all, her effortless ability to be herself.

As she left, he realized she’d agreed to come to his game, and he had her phone number. Now, he just needed to make sure he didn’t mess this up. The next priority was securing that ticket for her, which meant that soon, all his teammates would know.

This was going to be interesting. But Quinn already knew it would be so, so worth it.

[jake-g-lockley]

Intoxication (Din Djarin x reader)

Masterlist | Spotify Playlist | Wanna be tagged?

A/N: oh look it's more Din fluff cuz I’m scared of what's gonna happen in the finale… Soft Din is the only way I cope okay 😭. Also I wrote this in a bad thunderstorm and I was scared as hell. Anyway, enjoy soft!din with teacher!reader.

Word count: 1.7 k

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Intoxicated was one way to put it. Din Djarin watched as your hair bounced as you skipped along, a fragrance like no other meeting his senses and creating a symphony of emotions in his head. He so badly wanted to hook his arm around your waist and pull his helmet off, sinking his nose into the crown of your head and suffocating on your scent and your scent alone.

You skipped around, greeting people as Din practically floated behind you. Din didn’t even realise he was blindly following you until you turned around. You both were in front of your school, children greeting you.

“Good morning!” You said, smiling up at the big Mandalorian in front of you.

Before Din could say anything, his son answered on his behalf, squealing and stretching his little arms out to you. Your smile widened as Din handed you Grogu, who immediately snuggled his big green head into your neck, making you giggle softly.

Din stood there watching you, trying to say something, his arms dangling uselessly at his side. All that came out of his mouth was directed to Grogu.

“Be good.” He said sternly to his little green bean who was now looking up at you with his giant brown eyes.

“Like I say everyday, he’s one of our best, you don’t have to worry, Mr. Djarin.” You ended your sentence with another of your blinding smiles that almost ended Din’s entire life too.

And just like everyday, Din wanted to reply with “Just call me Din.” But his mouth stayed shut and he gave you a single nod before patting Grogu’s head.

He turned on his heel a little clumsily and toddled away, scratching the back of neck as you tilted your head amusedly at the Mandalorian who had a spring in his step. You giggle a little when his hip crashed into a box, offering him a little wave when his helmet turned to you.

“Your dad is silly, little one.” You giggle and Grogu mimics your giggle, making your heart so happy.

Din was watching from afar, his hand over his own heart as he swayed, watching you walk into the school with his baby boy.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“You’re being too obvious!” Hissed your colleague as you craned your neck again, trying to look for the flash of shiny beskar.

Din was due to bring Grogu his lunch and you hadn’t touched your food in anticipation of him. You frowned slightly, realising that the little green bean would be hungry soon. Suddenly, you see the familiar shadow of his helmet, your lips twisting into a smile, only turning into a stern expression as the Mandalorian rounded the corner.

“You’re late.” You said sternly and Din hung his head.

“Sorry, I had a meeting that I couldn’t get out of.” He said, pulling his cape slightly to hide the wound on his calf, wincing under the helmet.

You scowl lightly and take the lunchbox from Din, spinning around and unintentionally flipping your hair towards his helmet. Din wishes he didn’t take a deep breath because he felt like he was about to collapse where he stood.

“Wait!” He called out and you stop in your tracks, turning and walking back faster than you intended to.

“I might be a little late for pick up today.” Din’s hand was back behind his neck as he bowed his head lower.

Internally, Din wanted to compliment you, tell you how beautiful you looked today. He had rehearsed them in front of the mirror today, trying to articulate his words, but he couldn’t do it in the split second where you were in front of him.

“Oh, okay! I’ll make sure there’s someone here with Grogu.” You said, definitely intending to wait for the little green bean yourself.

“Thanks. Also, your hair looks nice today.” Din blurted out suddenly, causing you to blink in surprise.

Din lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, loving the feeling of saying what he needed to say.

Your hand comes up to your curls that hang at your waist and your stern expression immediately melted into a smile.

“Thank you. I, umm, I guess I’ll see you then.” You said, glancing up at his beskar covered face, waiting for the nod.

Instead, Din brings his hand up and pats your hand that was holding the lunchbox, making you blush.

“Bye.” You whisper as the Mandalorian makes his way out.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

It had been an hour since the last person had left and the rain had started to come down uncontrollably. You read to Grogu, cozying yourself in the book corner so that he can be distracted from the terrifying sounds of the thunder outside. You winced every time the thunder would crack, pushing your back further into the wall and holding onto Grogu a little tighter, showing him the words you were reading.

Suddenly, your ears catch the sound of a knock over the thunder and you immediately jump to your feet with Grogu still in your arms. Checking the security footage, you quickly run to the door and swing it open to reveal the soaking wet Mandalorian. He looked so pretty in the rain, solid, unlike the rushing downpour.

You stood there staring for a while until the sound of thunder humbled your thoughts, making you jump towards Din, who quickly placed a protective hand on your arm, pushing you back into the school. Grogu jumps into Din’s arms and snuggles into his dad.

“I’m really sorry for this, you could’ve been home by now.” Din apologised, cradling Grogu as he whined from the sound of another loud crack of thunder.

“It’s alright, Mr. Djarin.” You say, walking towards the cupboard that you knew stocked some towels.

“I think we should wait here for a while, the rain doesn’t seem to be stopping. I’ll walk you home after this.” Din says and you nod, handing him the towel.

With one arm, Din quickly dried himself as you made yourself cosy in the reading corner again. Grogu jumps out of his arms and runs towards you, head butting your side, making you giggle. Din stared longingly as you started reading to Grogu who sat cross legged and listened to you.

You looked up to see Din’s helmet turned towards you and you patted the spot beside you. Din’s legs moved before his brain could think and he suddenly found himself beside you, the signet on his shoulder pauldron rubbing against your arm. You smile at him before going back to your book, reading until comfort enveloped the three of you.

Din found himself imagining a scenario that he had yearned for so long. You, wearing a pretty dress as your daughters sat around you, smiling at each one of them, Grogu annoying the girls. You would sing to them as Din braided their hair, one that he hoped would be inherited from their mother. He would put little beskar slides into their hair and kiss their heads before moving to kiss you, joining in your singing.

“Din?” Your voice breaks him out of his little day dream and he looks at you.

You called him Din. He couldn’t believe it, his heart going a million miles an hour and he replayed that sound in his head.

“Yeah?” He managed to whisper.

“Look.” You said, pointing to the green bean beside you.

Grogu was sleeping with his little butt in the air and face smushed into the floor and Din resisted the urge to laugh at his son. He pulled a blanket from behind you and wrapped his boy carefully so that he wouldn’t wake him. You watched in awe, holding your breath as you witnessed the softness of the Mandalorian beside you. Din settled Grogu onto the crook of his crossed legs and slowly bounced him until the snores were steady.

Your heart tried to break out of your chest as Din turns to look at you. It was then when you realised that the thunder had stopped and you could hear Din’s soft modulated breathing in the silence.

“Can I say something?” You both start, nervously giggling at the mistake.

“You go first.” Din quickly says, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You’re a good dad, I’m sorry if I made you feel any other way this afternoon.” You said, your eyes avoiding his black t-visor.

A gloved finger curled under your chin and tips your head up anyway. Your eyes widen at the man before you as your eyebrows knitted together.

“You were doing your job. Thank you for caring for my son.” He said firmly, before dropping his hand.

You felt the Mandalorian closing off as he bounced his leg slightly faster. You let your hand drift to his arm and you silently asked him to speak. You hear him take a deep breath and your heart pounded with anticipation.

“Would it be an act of favouritism if you went out with one of your student’s parents?” He said, so softly that you almost didn’t catch it.

It took you a few seconds to compute what Din had just said and you sighed in relief. You didn’t know why you were relieved but you found your whole body relaxing at his question.

“It's pre-school, I hardly think there ever will be favouritism.” You whisper, picking at a hangnail.

“Okay.” he says and you see his helmet nodding in your peripheral vision.

“Okay.” You whisper.

A long silence gathers between the both of you and you somehow know exactly how to punctuate it.

Quickly turning to your side, you pressed a chased kiss onto the curved indent of his helmet, hearing a soft gasp escape Din’s mouth under the helmet. You pulled away and continued looking down at your hands when suddenly a gloved hand covered your vision, followed by a faint hiss.

“Keep your eyes closed.” came Din’s unmodulated voice and you quickly nodded your head.

His lips gently touch yours, and your hands find his face, gently running your fingers through his soft beard, his moustache tickling your upper lip as you pressed your lips a little harder to his. Din was right, he was intoxicated with you, wanting you to literally suffocate him with your everything. You both pull away after a while, leaning against each other’s foreheads.

“Call me stupid, but does this mean you’ll finally ask me out, Mr. Djarin?” you giggled slightly.

“Only if you call me Din, angel.” He chuckled back.

“Okay, Din.” You sighed, grateful for the thunderstorm that led you to this moment.

Reblogs are appreciated~~~

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[fuck-customers]

I'm the anon who sent in abt the gluten free pizza. Noticed a bit of discourse in the comments and just wanted to make a quick amendment:

To the ppl saying 'there's no difference between an allergy and a preference' yes, there very much is. Anyone who has worked in a high traffic kitchen (as I do) knows modified orders (especially allergies) are a real time eater. If someone requests a gluten free pizza, but only because they're on a low carb diet/prefer the taste etc, I can save time by not having to adhere strictly to allergen protocol. If the customer is celiac, however, I have to make sure I get fresh prep, that the surfaces and equipment are clean, and also ask the severity of the allergy; because we don't have a dedicated oven for GF pizzas, so cross contamination is a possibility I can't let some people risk. That's a lot of time and attention taken away from several other orders. There's no point in going through all that trouble every time if it's just a preferential thing. Saw a few people in the comments saying as much, so thanks to them- y'all clearly get it

As for my response: I don't think I articulated it well considering I only highlighted one part of the interaction, but this lady was INCREDIBLY rude throughout her whole order. It was more then what I wrote, she was being snippy and condescending the entire time even beforehand, and the GF thing was just the cherry on top. If I were less of a person, I could very well have just gone 'well f you bitch, have fun in the hospital' and not bothered to take any amount of care with her order. But I'm not, and I didn't. I'm not going to risk my source of income to be petty, and the idea of intentionally fucking with someone's food makes my skin crawl (mostly cause I wouldn't want that to happen to me- I'm a germophobe and take hygiene very seriously). In saying that, if I want to have a dark thought entertaining the idea over some lady who wanted to treat me like I'm the human equivalent of dogshit on her shoe, sue me. Blowing off steam =/= actually fucking doing it, chillax lol

Posted by admin Rodney

[clangenrising]

Ah, I don't see any rationality or direct nuance with Sardine, lol. I don't think I articulated myself well. I was mostly talking about how, as someone who likes analyzing characters and their societies can shape the way they think despite that not being a good reason to justify what they had done to others in the first place, I was having a harder time doing so in this case! ^^

I hope this makes better sense, I wrote that "essay" very late at night, and when it comes to using my words right online, it's a struggle

I understand and that's why I started off by saying youre completely valid in feeling that way. Sardine is particularly malicious and I don't expect anybody to see him as sympathetic. He and Razor may have started in a more sympathetic position but we only get to see where they are now which is full blown fascists who enjoy hurting others. I would never expect people to ignore that.

I went on to talk mainly about the other cats in the city since that felt like a more compelling topic to me. Sorry if it felt like I was talking past you.

[nekropsii]

Also that June post sucked I wrote it on sleep meds at like 6 in the morning I articulated myself like shit. Not an excuse, but it is an explanation.

Further rambling under the cut.

I was trying to make the point that it’s deeply frustrating to me how much of a big deal was made out of it (in a negative sense) and how much harassment ensued especially right in the moment when nothing had even really happened yet and still hasn’t really happened but I said that Badly.

The JKR comparison was not a statement of there being any bigotry present, it’s just literally the only example most people - me included - can think of when talking about an author confirming some kind diversity before it even happens, if we see it at all. I’ll admit part of why I’m so cynical is that I grew up in an era where queerphobic jokes and queerbait were just about the only thing you could get in mainstream media, and everyone would still tout that as if it’s real representation, so I’m always prepared for people to just be lying to me.

So, I see that June gets confirmed in 2019 because someone won a treasure hunt, and we still haven’t really seen her, and I’m just instinctively deeply skeptical it’s even gonna happen. Especially considering we got that fuckin’ Roxy Detransition arc first.

Another sticky point is the canonicity of Postcanon, period. I do not see any works outside of Homestuck proper to be canon, especially not in the way that Homestuck itself is canon. I’ve said this several times on my blog and didn’t feel it worth reiterating but it’s kind of important, especially given the JKR comparison. I think June is awesome, it’s a really cool progression of her character, especially considering Homestuck was once pop culture and she’s the literal main character. But part of why I kept saying it was “literally nothing” was because I was operating under the mindset of “it’s not even canon anyway, why are you harassing people for being excited about it?”. It’s stupid to act like a character or person coming out as trans ruins everything for you in general, but it was especially stupid to me for this to be such a federal fucking issue when basically all we had to go off of at the time was a Tweet, especially in a fandom that proclaims itself to be so progressive, and especially when so many people who were denouncing June as being “not real” due to being in Postcanon got so excited when Roxy was turned into a trans dude. It’s just stupid and unfair and transparent, and I hate it.

The Junecourse situation was super fucking messy and really hard to navigate, and it frustrated me a lot because a lot of people were being kind of silly or even just outright bigoted. It was strange that people got so mad about it, it was strange that some people acted like June was a real person, it was strange that people got badly harassed no matter what they did or said. It was stressful and weird, and it was dumb to me that all that warring and all those lies were circling around a tweet, for the most part, and plenty are still operating under the simple tweet confirmation.

I should acknowledge that there’s apparently more than just the lone tweet now. I’m sure I’ve seen all that before, but I’ve got pretty bad memory issues and, again, I was writing it at 6 am on sleep meds, so it genuinely spaced my brain. That is completely on me and I apologize for contributing to false narratives. The post’s been deleted. I’m not asking for forgiveness or anything, I’m just explaining myself. It was a bad post, but I wasn’t making it out of malice, though I do recognize that in situations like this, intent doesn’t matter nearly as much as actions and impact does. That was a failure on my part. I’ve since deleted it.

I’m apologizing here not because there’s a fire being lit under me or anything - I’m not being pressured - but because this is a genuinely important issue to me. Sadly, I am merely an ally and still in the active process of reading theory, so I lack the general polish one acquires from lived experience and actual real learnedness. Transmisogyny is not a reality I have to live with every waking moment of my life, and as a TME man it is a systemic force that works directly in my favor, so I’m liable to accidentally perpetuate it, even if it’s something I do not believe in personally and am making strides to, for lack of a better, less cringe-inducing term, “be a better ally” about.

TLDR; I fucked up and made a sloppy post that contributed to false narratives surrounding a confirmed Transfem character and the discussion of her online. It sat around 77 notes as of deleting, though most were thankfully just likes rather than there being a whole lot of spread. Still sucks, though, and I’m sorry.

Thank you for reading.

[i-can-read-to-him]

The Wesper Fic Club's Author Spotlight is a post series that aims to feature two to three fic authors a month, randomly selected from a pool of names put forth on our server. The authors are then asked to answer three interview questions, select up to five of their fics for us to feature, and finally, recommend three fics by others in the fandom.

(Note: Our spotlighted fics are not limited to Wesper, though they tend to be a central pairing in most of our authors' featured works.)

This week, we are putting a spotlight on Lou's writing!

Socials: @waterloou (Tumblr) | hugharekillianmelou (AO3)

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Part One: Author Interview

Q: What do you consider your strengths as a writer?

A: I’m using these quotes from sparrow bc I’m gonna be honest and say I really don’t know how to perceive myself: “Off the top of my head, I would say you are very good at lyrical prose, imagery and atmosphere, thoughtful characterization, anddd I don’t know how to articulate this as cleanly, but like… the way you handle dark subject matter (like MCD) in a way that makes it feel... like something that should be dangerous to handle, but it is safely contained. Like one of those poisonous Victorian era books with the striking green colour [Scheele's Green] displayed in a glass case. Also, you maintain canon characterization even in AU settings, which is honestly a skill not everyone has. I love AUs, but some people lose sight of canon so quick and it ends up feeling very OOC.”

Q: What’s your favourite fic you’ve written for this fandom?

A: It’s called Lay Me Gently in the Cold Dark Earth and it’s from Wylan’s perspective when he’s 6 feet under and how he interacts with the earth around him and Jesper. Idk how else to describe it. 

Q: What advice do you have for those facing writer’s block?

A: My only suggestion is just to switch to notebooks and use prompt lists. I struggle with writers block far too much it’s hard for me to sit down and write something most of the time. 

Q: When did you first start writing? What keeps you going today?

A: Jonas Brothers YouTube imagines. I had a little flip notebook on a family vacation and lots of time to kill so I wrote my own imagines/fanfiction. It was also like not a self insert but like I’d insert someone age appropriate and live vicariously through them.  I have so so many ideas and only I can execute them correctly so obviously I need to keep writing. It’s a tough job but if I want the content I need to make it 

Q: Who is your favourite character? What do you love about them?

A: JESPER LLEWELLYN FAHEY!!!! He’s just so complex and loving and I also relate to him most bc of his sadness and feelings of inadequacy and using humor as a cover up. I saw the trailers before I read the books and then I read the books before I watched the show but that one clip of Jesper in those first trailers had me hooked ever since.

Q: If you could travel anywhere in the Grishaverse, where would you go?

A: Shu Han because it looks like I’d have the most fun there. 

Q: If you could be friends with any character in the Grishaverse, who would it be?

A: Tolya!!! He’s got a lovely disposition and it’s nice to have someone with similar interests.

Q: Have you had a chance to interact with the SAB cast? Tell us about your experience(s).

A: The only interaction I’ve had is Jack liking my drawing of him. Honestly tho even tho this cast is amazing I think I’d be fine never meeting any of them. There’s already all my questions answered and I’d probably make a fool out of myself if I met them. 

Q: What are some recurring themes you’ve noticed in your writing?

A: I am using more sparrow quotes bc my only answer was “Hozier coded” and idk if that answer was enough: “I think grief/death/mourning is definitely something that comes up a lot. Related to that... I want to say 'transcendent love,' if that makes sense. Definitely also strong platonic bonds, so friendship... Oh, balance and opposites (how the latter interacts and achieves balance)... sometimes with concepts like life and death, but also with people like Wylan and Jesper.” Ty sparrow ur iconic 

Q: What kind of music do you like to listen to while writing?

A: Hozier, lots of like folk or floaty type of genres. 

Q: Are there any songs you strongly associate with a favourite character or ship?

A: "half return" by Adrianne Lenker could be associated with either Wylan or Jesper and their childhoods. I do think it’s odd that this is the first fandom where music is not the driving force of my writing or associating with characters.

Q: What is one of your favourite scenes from the source material (book or show)?

A: Jesper’s introduction in the show is a classic and he’s just SO COOL.

Q: If could change anything about (book or show) canon, what would it be?

A: 😭 besides it being cancelled? Matthias’ fate. 

Q: What are some headcanons you have that you consider your personal canon?

A: MODERN AU: Jesper is an engineering major. Wylan is a chemistry major (hates it), switches to biology and music double major. Jesper makes and sells jewelry on the side.  REGULAR SETTING: Jesper lives for a long long time and Wylan reincarnates many times and they are together until they both pass. 

Q: Tell us about something in your fics that you’re proud of and wish would get more notice.

A: I do like the poetic flow they have from time to time! It’s nice reading something I wrote and being invested. This is a cop out answer but I think they’ve been appreciated an adequate amount! Everyone is so sweet reading and commenting!

Q: What’s something you haven’t written yet, but want to write in the future?

A: OH BOY I have a list: - This is written but mouse wylan  - sci fi au  - Hozier song wesper series  - human meat business crows serial killers  - Hellraiser au wesper  - whump wesper jesper shot  - Halloween series  - vampire crows au 

Q: What’s something you wish you could write, but don’t think you ever will?

A: Most of the ideas listed above. My brain just doesn’t want to write the ideas. Also Smut. Did it once idk if I could write it again

Q: How do you feel about your fics being translated into other languages?

A: Go ham. As long as it’s credited to me idc

Q: Apart from sight, what is your favourite of the senses to describe when writing?

A: Touch I love touch descriptions because you can get an insight into how the characters experience the world.

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Part Two: Selected Works

Two corpses we were, two corpses I saw

Not Rated | 275 words | Wesper Hozier coded, Decay, Burial, Happy Ending

Short diddy about knight/pianist wesper

Golden slumbers

Teen | 460 words | Wesper Grief/Mourning, Pre-Grief, Aging, Jesper-centric

Jesper would always be a mourner

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth

Not Rated | 388 words | Wesper Hozier coded, POV Wylan, Character Death, Happy Ending

Wylan needs Jesper, even after life

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Part Three: Author's Recs

without pity by demigodbeautiies

Mature | 21.9K | Wesper Non-Con Drug Use, Whump, Mild Gore, Angst with a Happy Ending

It’s 10 am on a Wednesday when Wylan Van Eck’s life crumbles around him. Which feels ridiculous, honestly, but that’s life, isn’t it?  - Jesper gets drugged with jurda parem. Wylan tries his best to deal with it. That, apparently, is hard to do when his life is falling apart.

A Lack Of Air Supply by Milkfrog

Mature | 106.7K | Wesper Past Child Abuse, Agoraphobia, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Wylan Van Eck

"Wylan Van Eck, until the age of 8, felt like royalty. Like the world was made for him, and him alone. He could do anything he wanted to. He could dream of a future so expansive he'd have to live multiple lives in order to fit everything he wanted to do. But Wylan Van Eck, at 22 years old, cannot even leave his apartment." (aka. Wylan has agoraphobia n Jesper moves into the apartment next to him <3)

Before Sunrise by @aphroditestummyrolls

General | 2.1K | Colm & Jesper, Colm/Aditi Good Parent Colm Fahey, Colm-centric, Baby Jesper

He’d like to say he expected it— it’s a well known fact that babies cry. The first months of parenthood are a tiring business. That was what everyone said, and the ones who didn’t say it were certainly thinking it. But, not all babies cried like Jesper Fahey cried. Just like every night for the past 2 and a half months, the second Addy stopped her gentle rocking and pacing, it started up again— first, as disgruntled fussing, huffing and puffing like a grumpy little bear cub. His downy fluff of curls pressed against his mama’s palm as he scrubbed his nose into her collarbone, tiny fist clenching in her night dress. Colm sighed. OR Jesper is a colicky little baby, and Colm just wants his poor wife to be able to sleep.

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Please support our authors by commenting and leaving kudos on any stories of theirs you read and enjoy! Don't forget to also reblog this post and check back soon for our next author spotlight to come.

Interested in joining our server and getting to know our community? Feel free to request an invite via the @i-can-read-to-him ask box.

[thatneoncrisis]

Why does every 20-something year old on the planet think they’re going to stand up for marginalised groups by being a dick on the internet to strangers they assumed to be something they’re not. All those authors you dislike, turns out they were just people, and some of them trans themselves too! What a shock! Maybe you could have gone about this a better way, but I suppose the option to be a cunt is a good one too. You’ve definitely improved the TLT fandom in a measurable way with this move. Which transfems are more important to you? The ones who like the fics you don’t, or the ones who like the fics you do? What about the ones that are writing the fics you don’t like?

Could have raised the issue in so many other ways, decided the way you were going to go was to be as incendiary as possible and now you’re surprised when its hurt people who are part of the same group you claim to be sticking up for? Maybe next time you’ve got a problem, you raise it more constructively, if you’re actually this invested in raising the point in a way that improves the situation for those you’re championing. As a multi-chapter satire fic would imply. Might have to do less damage control after that way at least.

alright. i mean again ive spent the last year writing content that i want to see, and i was only very recently made aware that some of the fics read as playing into transmisogyny are written by trans women, i understand that those authors are also just people who have no obligation to like what ive done or agree with it. im not surprised about whats happening stop saying im surprised or never expected this

but im trans. i have friends who are across the spectrum transfem or otherwise. i constantly see them raising this issue to be met with the "dont read and touch grass" excuse, because the idea something can be made for someones own comfort is met with other people outside of that bubble being really hurt by it. which is what is happening now. i resent the idea that a particular member of a marginalized group cannot make harmful content in relation to said group. i made it because i was fucking angry. i made it because it was easier and compiling every single instance of someone treating gideon like a fucking slobbering dog brainless piece of meat who cant function in the proximity of femme pussy. no group is more important than the other, but both deserve to talk about it. i wrote a story being big mad and now im getting feedback, that is literally all i wanted

i am officially sick of this "i expected more from you" ass tone, as if i didnt give this extensive thought and execute it anyway, for the large swaths of trans and fans of color who DO agree with me and DO have a problem with is. stop pretending like i am completely and utterly fucking incapable of recognizing the nuance of the situation, that i made something that was harsh because i was tired of seeing the same shit uncritically produced and read by people. i will never be able to stop anyone from writing what they want, so i wrote what i wanted, and ultimately im on the fence about its execution. i have just enough right to be upset as you do, and im sorry im not 30 years old and keeping my mouth shut, because lets not pretend there was any world where i could form a post articulate enough to keep people from interpreting it as "big dick bad and i hate fun" that maybe gets thirty notes

[ex-foster]

I want former foster kids to know how easy it is to publish a book.

I was following a podcast about side hustles and one of their episodes focused on a children's book author. He wrote the story and he paid someone to illustrate it. He allowed the book to be available for amazon kindle subscribers for free for a limited time which gained him some 5 star reviews which bumped him in the algorithm and resulted in sales. Now he makes passive income from it.

So many former foster kids have stories and perspectives that they want to share and I think books are a great way to do it plus it's a passive income stream and that's pretty fabulous.

I know society has normalized sharing our deepest traumas and vulnerablities online but honestly it is not a safe thing to do. People will target you for harassment and use your traumas against you. I'm not saying that publishing a book will eliminate nasty comments, but at least when you put out a book it is a paywall so only invested readers are going to read it not some random anon troll with no stakes in the situation. Books also allow you to get your message out without being interpreted. Being a former foster kid (especially those who age out of care) means you are a really tiny minority. People don't understand your perspective and voicing your opinions online is so unproductive because you just get dog piled by people. Completely outnumbered by people who refuse to see your perspective because they haven't walked in your shoes. Being able to actually write what you need to say uninterrupted is so important.

And despite what some people say, people DO care about former foster youth voices. I'm a former foster kid and I read FFY memoirs. I find it relatable. It's nice to know I'm not alone. It's refreshing to have someone put words to feelings I couldn't articulate before.

Then there's that whole problem with the orphan horror trope. It would be really nice if there were more depictions of foster kids like Lilo from Lilo & Stitch. A quirky little girl that audiences adore. Not a psychopath villain that is revealed to have a tragic history in foster care which explains his murderous rampage. Sometimes people will completely ghost you after knowing you are from foster care so it would be nice if there were some narratives that didn't add to the stigma of foster kids.

[infiniteglitterfall]

"...All of the punditry about diversity and free speech and criticism of Israel has extravagantly missed the point.

"The problem was not that Jewish students on American university campuses didn’t want free speech, or that they didn’t want to hear criticism of Israel."

(The problem is also not that Jewish students didn't support Palestinians or want a free independent Palestinian state. One of the biggest problems, in fact, is that the pro-Palestinian movement consistently implies that the only way to support Palestine is by calling for the destruction of Israel.

While activists in Gaza protest Hamas, activists outside of it follow Hamas's lead: framing this as a battle between all Palestinians and the existence of Israel.

This has effectively excluded activists in Palestine from the movement to support them. Which is a neat trick. /s)

"Instead, they didn’t want people vandalizing Jewish student organizations’ buildings, or breaking or urinating on the buildings’ windows.

"They didn’t want people tearing their mezuzahs down from their dorm-room doors.

They didn’t want their college instructors spouting anti-Semitic lies and humiliating them in class.

They didn’t want their posters defaced with Hitler caricatures, or their dorm windows plastered with Fuck Jews.

They didn’t want people punching them in the face, or beating them with a stick, or threatening them with death for being Jewish.

"At world-class American colleges and universities, all of this happened and more."

(I've added links to each of these examples. I couldn't find an incident of "fuck Jews" plastered all over dorm windows, but I did find it written on a chalkboard, left in a note by someone robbing a Jewish student, and graffitied in a music building bathroom.

That last one was at UCLA, where there was also an incident in which Students for Justice in Palestine held a public beating of a Netanyahu piñata while an organizer with a bullhorn led everyone in a chant of "beat that fucking Jew!")

"I was not merely an observer of this spectacle. I’d been serving on now–former Harvard President Claudine Gay’s anti-Semitism advisory committee, convened after the October 7 Hamas massacre in Israel and amid student responses to it.

"I was asked to participate because I am a Harvard alumna who wrote a book about anti-Semitism called People Love Dead Jews.

"As soon as my participation became public, I was inundated with messages from Jewish students seeking help. They approached me with their stories after having already tried many other avenues—bewildered not only by what they’d experienced, but also by how many people dismissed or denied those experiences."

Dara Horn says "the foundational big lie," in one version after another throughout the centuries, has been "that anti-Semitism itself is a righteous act of resistance against evil, because Jews are collectively evil and have no right to exist."

"In 2013, David Nirenberg published an astonishing book titled Anti-Judaism.

"Nirenberg’s argument, rigorously laid out in nearly 500 pages of dense scholarship and more than 100 pages of footnotes, is that Western cultures—including ancient civilizations, Christianity, Islam (which Nirenberg considers Western in its relationship with Judaism), and post-religious societies—have often defined themselves through their opposition to what they consider 'Judaism.' This has little to do with actual Judaism, and a lot to do with whatever evil these non-Jewish cultures aspire to overcome.

"Nirenberg is a diligent historian who resists generalizations and avoids connecting the past to contemporary events. But when one reads through his carefully assembled record of 23 centuries’ worth of intellectual leaders articulating their societies’ ideals by loudly rejecting whatever they consider 'Jewish,' this deep neural groove in Western thought becomes difficult to dismiss, its patterns unmistakable.

"If piety was a given society’s ideal, Jews were impious blasphemers; if secularism was the ideal, Jews were backward pietists.

"If capitalism was evil, Jews were capitalists; if communism was evil, Jews were communists.

"If nationalism was glorified, Jews were rootless cosmopolitans; if nationalism was vilified, Jews were chauvinistic nationalists. 'Anti-Judaism' thus becomes a righteous fight to promote justice."

(This second piece is a rip-off of Brazilian artist Carlos Latuff's 2008 comic celebrating a Communist event in Brazil.

It's also a particularly excellent example of how both "Jews are capitalists" and "Jews are communists" represent the core antisemitic trope of "Jews morally corrupt society.")

"This dynamic forces Jews into the defensive mode of constantly proving they are not evil, and even simply that they have a right to exist."

Dara Horn's piece has some super-fun examples.

"Around 38 C.E., after rioters in Alexandria destroyed hundreds of Jewish homes and burned Jews alive, the Jewish Alexandrian intellectual Philo and the non-Jewish Alexandrian intellectual Apion both sailed to Rome for a 'debate' before Emperor Caligula about whether Jews deserved citizenship.

"Apion believed that Jews held an annual ritual in which they kidnapped a non-Jew, fattened him up, and ate him. Caligula delayed Philo’s rebuttal for five months, and then listened to him only while consulting with designers on palace decor.

"Alexandrian Jews lost their citizenship rights, though it took until 66 C.E. for 50,000 more of them to be slaughtered.

"In medieval Europe, Jews were forced into disputations with Christian priests that placed Jewish texts and traditions on public trial, resulting in Jewish books being burned and Jewish disputants exiled. Later legal trials expanded on this concept, requiring Jews to defend themselves against the absurd charge known as the blood libel, in which Jews are accused of murdering and consuming non-Jewish children—a claim that has echoes in current lies about Israelis harvesting Palestinians’ organs."

fucking exhausting is what it is

I want to share more of this essay, and talk about it more. But this is more than enough for right now. This is way more than enough.

[daintybrute]

WIP of my SECOND favorite rarepair from Stardew. As an opposites-attract fan, it's no surprise that I sometimes swoon for these two!

Back when I wrote "Slim to None", I had to make a brand new tag for Elliot/Maru on AO3, because they are even rarer than Penny and Seb, and I think for more reasons than the obvious ones.

It's clear they aren't alike. Left brain vs. right brain. Logical vs. Creative Scientific vs. Artistic. Straightforward vs. Poetical. You get the idea.

But the more I think about these two, the more interesting their dynamic becomes.

Because I strongly believe that people like Elliot, who are extremely expressive and artistic, tend to be easily burdened by their own deep feelings - especially when they don't know how to show these feelings to someone they profoundly care about, because they want it to be conveyed perfectly and beautifully.

While people like Maru who are more pragmatic, logical and practical, may not be very receptive of romantic expression initially - especially the elaborate and flowery kind of affection that Elliot would probably try to offer her.

But I imagine what's going through Maru's mind is 'He's just doing it to be nice.' Basically trying not to fall harder for him than she already has, because she's already done the premature damage control in her brain, rejecting herself on behalf of him, so not to get hurt.

Because allowing yourself to fall in love is scary, right? Especially in the case where it turns out the one you feel deeply for, feels nothing for you in return.

So, Maru tried to resign herself, chipping away her own fondness for him (Which only sort of worked when he wasn’t around). Love had zero applicable positive in her life. Her unearthed feelings had the potential to seriously encumber the way she's systematically ordered her life, and that is a serious problem for someone like her.

Plus, Elliot would never go for someone like me, right? She convinces herself, What gorgeous, sophisticated man in their right mind would pick the scrappy girl with machine grease spatters on her face and arms, when he could have anyone he wanted?

Little does she know (because she refuses to believe it herself), the more Elliot spends time with her, the less capable he is of stopping himself from thinking about her. His mind was consumed. Countless hours lying in bed, staring at the ceiling wondering how she was doing. If she had any interest at all in the book he was writing, or if she would find it boring and dull... What it would take to get her to not avert her eyes when she glanced his way.

"I just like her..." He whispered plainly to himself, somewhat humiliated that he couldn't formulate a better way to say it.

Not that he didn't try.

All the articulations he mustered to piece together, it seemed as if all the poetry and literature the world had to offer would fall short, unable to capture the weight that rested squarely on his heart when his mind simply drifted to her – as it so often did now. His words are far too inadequate to covey his insurmountable feelings.

This is displayed in his canon ten heart event. For a man who is usually suave and elloquant with his speech, Elliot fumbles over what he's tries to say; "Um... [Player]... How do I say this?" "N-no! I'm not saying I want to cut all ties with you!" "... Let's see, how do I put this...?"

Never had he been at such a loss for words as he was during Maru's 8 heart event. Standing in front of Maru. Alone with her in her room. Letting her carefully apply burn cream to his hand after her project demonstration didn’t exactly go as planned.

“That kind of ruined the moment, huh?” She sighed with glistening eyes and flush cheeks, clearly very disappointed in herself.

He’d said hardly anything since he’d even arrived. What could he say? He knows nothing of this stuff… Regardless, now was the time. It had to be! Even if he didn’t exactly know how he was going to say it, he couldn’t conceal his appreciation for her any longer.

Instead of gracelessly blurting out his feelings, he chokes his inadequate words down, stepping forward, aching to simply hold Maru in a perfect moment. Longing for her to carry his bursting heart in her palm. To inspect and refurbish his yearning spirit as she would a malfunctioning gadget or broken machine.

"You, uh," Maru tenses, blushing deeply as he does so, taking a small step back, "You don't have to do that." She chuckles awkwardly, knowing he couldn't possibly...

His heart palpitated wildly as he pulled away, unable to keep himself from feeling hurt and embarrassed by her unexpected rejection, "Maru...?"

"I know gadgets aren't really your kind of thing.." Maru's voice trembled as she looked away, "And I do appreciate that you're showing interest in what I do... but you don't have to overdo it. I mean, thank you for humoring me, but, especially after that… You've already done enough...."

All his hope and desire clattered to the ground. Practically drowning in his own confusion and humiliation, a small moment passed as Elliot's mind began to spin with all the details that lead up to this moment. All the looks Elliot caught her sneaking his way, the way she grew bashful when talking to him about herself, how he could have sworn she was about to ask him to dance with her at the flower festival this year, but never did. The way even just now, how blithely she invited him in to her room to show him what she’d been working on.

After all that?

Determined not to let it end here, Elliot gingerly took either side of Maru’s face, prompting her to look deeply and directly into his eyes. A single word fell from his lips...

"No." Elliot hushed, pupils dancing back and forth between hers.

Maru's brow crinkled.

He repeated himself, "No. I have not done enough." With a light shake of his head and a breezy chuckle, "In fact, I've hardly done anything for you at all."

She again averted her eyes, "Elliot, y-"

Cutting her off, Elliot insistently pulled her face back, tilting his head to meet her eyes again, firm and intentional. The words that he had were simple, yet inspired, "No, Maru... Not enough."

Elliot's soft expression and lowered voice was enough to make Maru's eyes mist. He seemed so genuine; she couldn't find any way around the cold hard fact that faced her in this moment. There was no answer key or user's manual for this kind of thing, there were too many variabls in the equations. But right now with her face cradled in his palms, Maru couldn't calculate (or re-calculate) this moment to equal anything less than the total of what it all added up to;

Elliot adored her.

A smile bloomed on Elliot's face, repeating himself yet again, “No… Not enough.” wrapping his arms around her once more, "Not even close."

OR Maybe it's not that deep and I just think they'd be cute together :) Thanks for reading my headcanon ramblings.

Side note: it's supposed to be a heart floating off of Elliot in the doodle of them kissing, but instead it looks like someone threw a pretzel at him and it bounced off his jacket 🥨😂

[adrian-sheppy]

Sorry if this is completely wrong igore if it is LMAO but I noticed you seem to have different hcs for how mind lost his eye!!! Like in Seattles Going Under it was lost in a vague fight or something, but in art w/ the resonance cascade he lost it prolly during the ambush? I was wondering if you had info to share on it/infodump abt or if its just whatever makes the art more fun!

hehe youre observant and actually right on the money. yup!  so essentially i just have different eye trauma head canons for whichever version of freemind im drawing; since he doesnt actually lose his eye in canon, its up to everyone to fil in the blanks if they wanna use the popular headcanon. i wrote .  a good chunk of stuff .  so i put it under the cut . but heres a picture to be like a . tldr

I sorta like his eye already being gone before the resonance cascade (in a non-freemanverse scenario). he does verbally say something like "my eyes" in the series, indicating he has two, BUT . well.  its a headcanon. so we can have fun with it . my eye loss pre-rescas freemind stems from my original freemind design (before i ever started posting half-life on the internet) where he had short hair, but i needed a way to distinguish him from og gordon, so I used thr popular one eye headcanon. then I realized him losing his eye bc of the military goes perfectly with martini losing an arm. that bothered me for a while until i realized i could just have multiple freemind designs + headcanons. if theres different variations of Gordon  and martini, why can't there be some of Freemind as well? grins grins

i left it open ended in my SGU because people have their own headcanons and I thought anyone could just fill in their own. if I did every make a canon eyeloss event prequel thing, he would've lost his eye during college in some sort of either freak accident (like tripping on something and injuring himself bad; I like this one because he'll lie and say he was in a fight) or, like u said, a fight . for SGU, college was a low point in his life of him struggling with freedom from his parents for the firsr time, but them and their ideals still holding him hostage. he is simultaneously more repressed and more emotionally volatile than present!gordon. then, when his parents die, hes just given a clusterfuck of emotions. so why dont we add physical trauma? whatever the sgu canon event eye loss was, it was definitely related to substance abuse issues. whether that be he was high/drunk and got into an accident, or fought someone... not sure! yet. the only thing that i can say was that no fire or chemicals were involved, since his tearduct is (unfortunately for him) wholly in tact!

but for freemanverse!freemind, he should lose his eye during the rescas since its like thematic and stuff if (almost) every Gordon Loses Something. also, angst. whenever I draw freemanverse (even in a domestic setting) in my head, i always think of them surviving the rescas together! i have. convoluted freemanverse headcanons. the eye loss is an important freemanverae event because, like martini, it gives him a valid reason to REALLY dislike benrey (but in my au, benrey isnt the big bad, so he "redeems" himself kinda sorta) . and then it ALSO opens up freemind to be upset and vulnerable, which allows him to bond with his fellow freemen.

...

also I want barmey to tend to his wounds and call his scar(s) badass. im not immune to buttermind and i never was.

honorable mention: sims freemind, who has both eyes physically but only can see from one. this is due to me unable to properly texture a glasses + eyepatch combo, that and i have no experience with 3d modelling (I did try!).

i hope this is a satisfying enough infodump!! I'm sorry if it's a bit vague; a lot of my ideas tend to be fluid. i also like taking inspiration from what other people think! some of you guys are way super smart and have awesome ideas. i am not immune to well articulated essays and thought out headcanons

[pinkiepiebones]

may i ask for all the Renfield details from the Fangoria article you mentioned

Sorry for replying late, I think you sent this just as I was going to sleep

FANGORIA TIDBITS!!!!

-They did multiple takes and variations of scenes. Director Chris McKay said every take with Cage was "so fucking watchable" and that having those dozens of takes to choose from was "the hardest thing about cutting* the movie" (*I think that means editing)

-Hoult once told Cage, between takes, that he had been trying to do the Dwight Frye laugh in the scene they were filming, and on the next take Cage "suddenly threw that laugh back at me and started mocking me with it."

-In one version of the apartment confrontation scene, Cage's Dracula uses the eyeball garnishing his bloody martini like a little puppet, "talking to it before slurping it up."

-This quote from the director: "Much like Lego Batman, where I posited that our Batman is every version of Batman, I wanted to put Cage in the Frank Langella movie and the Christopher Lee movies and everything else. If I'd had the money and time, there would've been a snippet of him in every decade there was a Dracula movie." (fwiw the budget of Renfield was reportedly around $65mil and they shot and edited it in less than a year's time)

-Cage is only the seventh actor to play Dracula for Universal studios. More men have walked on the Moon. Said Cage: "I'm proud to be a member of that club."

-Cage said his Dracula was primarily inspired in part by his father - "My dad was someone who wanted to speak with distinction. He didn't have a full-on British accent but he did have a mid-Atlantic accent because he was a professor... Dracula's an articulate, elegant and eloquent character, and my dad had all those elements" - and Ann Bancroft's character Mrs. Robinson from the movie The Graduate - "The way she was abusing Dustin Hoffman's character, and the fact that she was an alcoholic... All that, to me, worked, because this take on Dracula is really about his relationship with Renfield, a toxic relationship. And it's this master/servant crap that so many people deal with, whether it's at work or an unfortunate romantic relationship..."

-Hoult worked with Cage before- he played Cage's son in 2005's The Weather Man

-Costume designer Lisa Lovaas on working with Cage again: "I knew from my experience (on Superman Lives) that Nic was totally game. I could present him with an elaborate Dracula, and he would be 100% on board. He walked out of the fitting saying 'This is it, we've done it.'"

-Dracula has monogrammed Dolce & Gabbana shoes

-The writer of the article doesn't say much more about the costuming but wrote "Dracula shares a shirtmaker with Frank Sinatra, I'm told," and I'm not entirely sure what that means?

-Director McKay on the blood in the movie: "I wanted the blood to be a certain colour of red, more like the Tom Savini Dawn of the Dead blood."

-SFX designer Christien Tinsley studied up on corpses to get Dracula's varying skintones right. "Is Dracula just pale, or does he have an undertone of colour? Is that colour more sallow and corpse-like, or is it more blue and cool tones? ... Hundreds of years ago, hospitals and morgues would bring in artisans to recreate the corpse in wax as it was being dissected. And they would do this in beautiful colours, yellows and blues, copying what they were seeing, but giving them these beautiful colour palettes..." Tinsley used those corpse palettes as the basis for Dracula's skin.

-Tinsely also had a tough makeup challenge with Hoult's Renfield: "He's not seeing much daylight, not really taking care of himself. However, 100 years ago he was a respectable lawyer... So we scrapped the idea of making him look unkempt; he has traditions. But now his skin is the same cool tones as Dracula; they're family. And we see a transition in his appearance as he becomes stronger and healthier, emotionally and mentally."

-Hoult on his Renfield: "The version of Renfield that we are seeing is ninety years after the original. The madness has been beaten out of him. He's been under the thumb of this powerful man, taking care of him... for so long."

[liquidorcard]

I'm listening to streams I missed while doing my stuff right now.

At the 1:01:07 mark, what Malcome says here-- as a CSA and regular ol' adult SA survivor myself I can't stress enough how much appreciate him bringing this up and how he articulated the point. Making this distinction between the kinds of ways victims process shit and what Lily does.

TW: very mildly graphic discussion of coping with sexual trauma.

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There's what I can only really describe as a catharsis of sorts to (within healthy limits) expressing the messy, ugly, complicated feelings you're left with battling for the rest of your life when it comes to having to go on living in a body that's been so deeply violated like that. Not always in Psychosexual or in intentionally titillating ways, but ways often others will read as such by it being inherently related to sex, etc. Ways that will just not make sense to people who have never had that experience, sometimes in ways that don't make sense to other survivors.

Not to psychoanalize myself too much here-- but I strongly suspect my deep fascination and love of body horror, which I've had quite literally as long as I can remember, in some part is because it was my only outlet (especially as a child) to metabolize and cope with things that happen to me I both had no framework to understand and no words to express. From a very young age, I have been writing and drawing some extremely violent shit that, to me at the time, wasn't intended to be sexual (I mean, I was a kid. I didn't really have a concept of that shit yet.) But like, I could see how someone could twist it that way if they wanted to be an asshole. This is very much not an uncommon behavior (and a warning sign, btw) for children who have been abused.

Should I have gotten therapy for it? Yes. But that didn't happen. Would it be horribly embarrassing if the horrific fanfics I wrote when I was 12 and could barely spell in English resurfaced full of a traumatized mentally ill kid's understanding of sexual violence resurfaced? If my old DeviantArt account got clocked? Yeah. Again, I could see someone with no understanding of the circumstances in which that live experience puts you in twisting that into the same thing the nightmare mode horny cesspit shit Lily's done.

I do believe that part of why Lily wrote shit like Stockholm has IN PART, something to do with the trauma she went through as a kid. But that she was;

a) old enough that she had to have understood more of what she was doing.

b) continued to write the same kinds of stuff, just less mask off and more layered under a veil of implication and plausible deniability with shit like Poke Madhouse.

c) shown a million red flags that she doesn't regard this shit as horrific inherently and continues to frame it as such in and out of her fiction. When, even when I was a kid-- like, obviously the point of the pieces I did was to express a sense of horror. I framed what I wrote and drew from the position of the victim-- not even as a conscious choice, but because that's what I was. That's what I was trying to express even though I wasn't exactly aware of that-- my feelings as a victim.

Even as an adult, I gravitate towards extreme horror in both my creative work and the media I consume--- not WHOLLY because of all the ways my childhood wasn't that great, but I can't really deny that's part of it. Especially with my professional work as an artist and (hopefully soon) as a writer, even in directly or in a metaphorical way, I draw a lot of my own unpleasant life experiences as my primary idea pool. I don't think that's inherently a bad thing.

It's Lily's PRESENTATION of these kinds of concepts that end up being her telling on herself.