#if nothing else it coheres.
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imagine you're odile (odile isat) and the only things you know about your mother is she was from vaugarde and she left before you could even remember her. and you spend your whole life searching for something of her in you. trying to line up where the emptiness of you could meet the form of her, like trying to line up a puzzle. and so you begin to learn everything you can about vaugarde. and the first thing, the main thing that everyone knows about vaugarde, is their belief in change:
that you must change. and in order to change, you must destroy what already exists.
idk about you but id just start killing at that point
#isat spoilers#isat#isat odile my good friend odile isat.#like how do u even process that. do you resent it? do you accept it?#if nothing else it coheres.
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drew these many moons ago in a frenzy. figured i’d fix them up at some point. did not get round to that lol. maybe one day! in the mean time behold my beloved ghosts<3
#i don’t know why pats dead and the rest arent(?) (maybe mary is? i. actually cannot remember what i was going for)#but yeah they’re like. not finished at all ik i had plans for more background bits and stuff#also wanted to make all the colours go together a bit more nicely and the wallpaper be the actual wallpaper colour#i strive for coherence! and yet and have no understanding of colour theory#why all my Actual art is line work and nothing else lol#i did also want to redraw pat and julian but i was going round in circles w it so they’re staying like that for now#anyways why i do i feel the need to slag off stuff i make!! i do not know#genuinely had a great time drawing these many months ago#maybe i have a hyperfixation fueled an all nighter again and finish them who knows#but also if i do i would kinda like to do some yonderland characters lol#bbc ghosts#bbc ghosts fanart#six idiots#my fanart
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"Whoever wrote this shit fucking hates Origins or has never played it and no fukkin clue what the hell the Grey Wardens even are. But it is really no coincidence, the Grey Wardens have been treated like shit in every single game (x)"
Couldn't have said it better.
But also wooah, I thought I have seen all of New Bioware's disdain for all that came before them™ by now, but this here, going complete scorched earth, is yet another level of spite for the old games and the people who worked on them (and left/were fired without severance pay since then) that even I would have not expected. Way to spit in the faces of longtime fans, "bioware" Good job!!! 🤢🤢🤢
Fuck this game, srlsy.
#needless to say nothing of this makes any goddamn sense but what else is new lmao#story coherence and logic? We don't know her :))))#tho you gotta admire their commitment to treat the wardens like utter shit in every game :)))#but holy shit this is an unmatched level of petty and spite even for them#veilguard spoilers#datv spoilers#bioware critical#like whoa#fuck them srsly#veilguard critical#dragon age critical#not really more like#datv critical#I waited ten years to be insulted like this? Hahahahaha... no I refuse#veilguard really is the worst fever dream and i want off this ride
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I DON’T CARE IF HE’S A HITMAN I WOULD LAY DOWN MY LIFE FOR FADEL
#HE MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS#HE HAS DONE NOTHING WRONG EVER IN HIS LIFE I KNOW THIS AND I LOVE HIM#what an incredibly fascinating character he is and what an incredible job joong is doing portraying him#also i don't really expect coherency or continuity but. i do wonder how much bison knows of all this#like im not sure if fadel's ex died or just disappeared on him and he's going to the support group for loss for something else#but bison does know he's going there#so it's weird to think that bison would accuse fadel of not having a heart#we'll see#the heart killers
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wing things!!
#transformers#maccadam#prowl#jazz#tf jazz#tf prowl#jazzprowl#prowljazz#my art#so little time to draw…#this has been sitting in wips forever and it’s basically done#so good enough#nothing else is even marginally close to being coherent😭😭
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Can’t stop thinking about Viktor and Jon parallels cause I have tma brainrot and anytime I see anything even remotely similar I go “is that a magnus reference?”
Anyways thinking about the differences in the choices they did and did not make and how both of them came back from the dead and were involved in ending the world.
I talked a bit about it before but Jon chooses to come back to life and become a monster. Granted it wasn’t a fair choice but he did choose it. Meanwhile the end of the world was not his choice. As much as he thinks otherwise it was not his fault. He didn’t “accidentally” start the apocalypse, he wasn’t “manipulated into it” he straight up did not end the world. Jonah did. Using Jon. Yes he was manipulated to prepare for the ritual (still not his fault), but actually ending the world? Jonah did that. He straight up took control of his body. Jon was the tool. The key to open the door. Jonah shaped the key and turned it.
Viktor is the opposite. He did not choose to come back to life. In fact he had basically accepted his death and was actively suicidal. Jayce brought him back (and I don’t really blame him for that. He didn’t know the consequences and he was trying to save the man he loved). Viktor did however, almost end the world (and succeeded in some timelines? I’m confused). Now it’s hard to say how much of that was Viktor. He was heavily influenced by the arcane, but Jon was also heavily influenced by the Eye (not that you can really compare them). We don’t know how sentient the arcane is but we can guess that its main goal/instinct is to spread. If it worked through Viktor or if it was simply influenced him, altering his thoughts and feelings to more easily rationalize what he was doing. Either way Viktor would not have done what he did without the arcane. But he did do it. The arcane isn’t a person. You can’t really put all the blame there. And we did see that Viktor was still in there, deep down, enough that he could change his mind. Meaning that to a certain degree, he did choose it. Viktor’s actions were his own, even if they were influenced. He’s the most responsible for what happened. Jayce also carries some responsibility for bringing Viktor back in the first place and creating hextech alongside Viktor, but again, he did not know the consequences of that. Neither did Viktor at first. So how much are they to blame?
I just find it fascinating how such similar events (even if they are still vastly different) happen in two completely different series and how the characters had different levels of agency throughout it.
#their stories end the same way too#dead or somewhere else#some of this is pretty speculative#since we don’t get much insight into Viktor’s thought process and we spend very little time with him#compared to Jon who we get to know and see change over 200 episodes#and im still fresh from watching the finale#I’ve only seen it once and still need to process what I actually think about some of it#but these two will not leave my mind#btw I’m not saying nothing Jon did was his fault#he’s done stuff that was 100% his choice#but I’m focusing on the apocalypse specifically here and that was not his fault#I really hope this is coherent#it’s almost 4am and I can’t sleep#viktor arcane#jonathan sims#arcane#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#tma#the magnus archives#echoing thoughts
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What if I made a pact with a god slayer, and you were like a god to me, and we were both girls? 😳😳😳
#this is nothing I'm just thinking about how gay they are like everybody else#Who up thinking abt the inherent eroticism of asking your friend if they have a keyhole?#I mean this is nothing *but* I do feel like we're waiting for the other shoe to drop with Kelsey and the Zhuzel stuff 🤔#Not in relation to Trudy *specifically* but in Kelsey potentially being put at odds with the party period#Although. Hm. Something that's been on my mind more lately is that original scene with the trophy?#And specifically how trudy iirc was the only one whose reflection was smiling...#Mm. Well nothing coherent enough to share here ig!
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Thinking about how MCR is constantly inventing bad endings for themselves. And, yeah, some of it is the "we all flame out and die young" youthful self-destruction you might expect from a rock band (and when they do it, they do it well, good God do I love Desert Song) but so often, the worst fate they can imagine is selling out and succumbing to creative inertia. What if the band doesn't die? What if we spend the rest of our lives coasting off the things we wrote that used to have meaning? What if we only exist to sell shit? What if the system we're rebelling against sands down our art and makes it palatable so it can sell an empty simulacrum of that rebellion for a profit? What if we tainted everything we've already created by using it to serve existing power?
#like we can debate how coherent and how effective that rebellion is#when i want to listen to music that's truly political i tend to go elsewhere#but they clearly are if nothing else writing from a spirit of rebellion#and god the chorus of tomorrow's money gets me#'if we crash this time they got machines to keep us alive' is such a haunting lyric i love it so much#mcr#my chemical romance#long live the black parade#danger days#conventional weapons#tomorrow's money#planetary (go!)#vampire money
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cw; domestic violence, abuse
Regarding everything happening with Ashley right now, I don’t really want to talk about it as Ashley herself hasn’t said anything and all we know is what was reported on by a third-party media outlet that got a hold of the police report. Ashley has been going through it for the past two years and I think it’s important that we as fans who love her parasocially do what we as fans can do best: Leave her alone and protect her peace.
i.e, Fuck Mike Walters for writing this article. I don’t care if restraining orders are public record in the state of CA, he outed an abuse victim and potentially put her and her family more at risk all for the sake of getting traction for his shitty celebrity gossip site.
[Image Description] Photo of “Mike Walters” depicting a head shot of a heavy set looking man with a single tuft of hair beneath his bottom lip and nearly buzzed cut hair. The caption reads: “The Blast launched in September 2017 by renowned celebrity reporter Mike Walters (was a co-founder of TMZ.com, producer of the Emmy-nominated TMZ syndicate TV show and an executive producer of the TMZ Live syndicated series). The Blast provides 24/7, up-to-the-minute news about the world’s biggest celebrities, all optimized for mobile consumption and social media engagement. The site is comprised of a staff that has been instrumental in breaking the biggest stories about some of the most talked about celebrities in the world.”
#ashley johnson#critical role#cw; domestic violence#ashley has said nothing this should've been hers to talk about if she wanted to#seriously fuck this shit 'reporter' for using someone else's abuse for clout#to make it worse the article is so poorly written and barely coherent like dude didn't even care#absolutely sick i hate men
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Things to watch instead of momochi-san chi no ayakashi ouji because the plot has been executed ridiculously bad for such a trope.
Natsume's Book of Friends - the build up of platonic friendships is natural here and paced so wonderfully. Emotions are never over the top or seem to burst out of nowhere aa compared to all the relationships we've seen with himari
Kakuriyo no Yamodeshi - interesting twist for the spirited away / being a romantic counterpart to a powerful spiritual being trope. The romantic build up again, is paced amazingly and the affection the main love interests have for each other builds over time and mutual trust is gained.
Kamisama Hajimemashita/ Kamisama Kiss - Lauded as the best of it's trope and with good reason. Having seen Kamisama kiss before momochi-san gave me high expectations that this series failed to achieve, momochi-san just feels like a pale imitation.
#the demon prince of momochi house#himari momochi#momochi-san chi no ayakashi ouji#Except for the art I don't find anything else captivating#Even some aspects of the character designs are too much#natsume yuujinchou#natsume's book of friends#kakuriyo bed and breakfast for spirits#kakuriyo no yadomeshi#kamisama kiss#kamisama hajimemashita#Momochi san feels like a self indulgent fanfic at most#There's nothing coherent about the plot except the fact that momochi resolves simply because she's the main character
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Does anyone else feel like the incinerator gun chair room from Zero Time Dilemma would have better fit C Team instead of D Team
#elaboration in the tags#zero time dilemma#zero escape#ztd#I think of this every time I watch a playthrough and get to that room#carlos ztd#akane kurashiki#junpei tenmyouji#c team#like just about any combination fits with the potential character growth both Akane and Junpei would have from it#I understand the main character is Carlos so if we were to keep it as him making the decision then I would have Akane in the incinerator#and Junpei in the chair#but if we’re going to throw ‘main character chooses’ then you could truly have either Akane or Junpei at the gun with Carlos in the chair#I say all this cuz there’s the obvious Akane incinerator parallels and I imagine it could trigger a breakdown for her#if Junpei is behind the gun would she beg Junpei to shoot Carlos to save her?#would Junpei see that Akane sees other players as pawns to save her own life? and if she doesn’t beg does it help Junpei#see the humanity in her? where he previously thought she was uncaring but here she clearly is to save Carlos at the cost of her own life#but my fave configuration is Junpei in the incinerator and Akane at the gun#it helps them see from each other’s point of view. how scared would Junpei be being in the incinerator and there’s nothing he can do#but rely on someone else? Junpei in characterized as pretty selfish in ZTD so this experience could have him empathize with Akane’s#‘selfishness’ in the previous games. realizing you’d do it too if your life was on the line#and Akane can see just how difficult it is being the one to directly have a hand in how people die or at least see their bodies.#and is it worth it to just save one person?#yes Akane’s games have a way for everyone to survive and win at the end. but in the moment the players don’t know that.#I think that configuration would do SO much for akane and Junpei to better empathize with one another during ZTD#this could’ve been a whole post but I wasn’t confident enough in my coherence to properly format it. so tags you get
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I saw your tags on your Percy Jackson post and I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on the Umbrella Academy 👀👀👀
The tags: #i think both types of stories work#you just have to be CONSISTENT about it [side-eyes umbrella academy]
There's a lot I like about Umbrella Academy, and there's a lot that I forgive in Umbrella Academy because it's a comic book adaptation and most comics have similar problems. BUT.
In S2E9, when the Handler shoots live ammo from a real gun at a child, it's portrayed as sweet and harmless —bullets are just background noise (e.g. James Bond) and this show has slapstick stakes. In S2E10, when the Handler shoots from a real gun at six adults, they have a graphic drawn-out death scene — bullets kill people (e.g. Pulp Fiction) and this is a much darker type of show.
Klaus gets kidnapped and murdered in S1, and his siblings roll their eyes about how he's irresponsible. Klaus gets accidentally killed in S3, and his siblings react with devastation and horror. Violence is funny, when it's Five killing 20 of his coworkers. Violence is horrifying, when it's Viktor killing Pogo. So on.
You can't have it both ways. It creates mood whiplash. It makes the characters feel callous. It can feel like no events ever matter, so there's no point in caring. I can't tell how seriously to take any given scene, because the same sequence of actions is sometimes treated as comedy and sometimes as tragedy.
#nothing to do with animorphs#umbrella academy#to be clear i think the show is a dramatic improvement over the comic in most regards#but the comic does actually have a more consistent mood - everyone is always self-centered and obnoxious#1 and 2 in a shouting match while their siblings watch and all (including 2) willfully ignore that 2 is bleeding to death#might be ridiculous; but it's internally coherent#like we know that diego knows he urgently needs medical attention and it's supposed to be disturbing that he's in denial#even as it's darkly funny that everyone else is willing to go along with his denial#the show instead is like 'diego's injury is a non-issue' (when half his hand is chopped off) OR#'diego's injury is catastrophic' (when he dislocates his arm (the first time not the second time)) with 0 in-between
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my thoughts as I read the new (6 months old) chapter of ethnoentomology bc i said would live blog it and this is least annoying way i can do so.
Hornet really just fucking pulled a gun out im like 1 minute fucking in jesus girl.
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ooooooooh my fucking god he's literally a sopping wet little meow meow. i WILL be coming back 2 this.
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what this fucking pronoun fuckery i need to reread this shit im onto something. i need to add all my annotations together. i need a conspiracy board. i need to make a chart with color coded lines
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I wish Hallownest’s official language was anything other than “cryptic riddles.”
me too dude the fuck.
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CHANCE BEING EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT???? telling lurien he isn't at fault for the radiance's actions
however... how could he think anything else really. he is all for blaming the radiance for everything.
i'm feeling a delicious mix of "can i even trust my own thoughts" mixed with Chance trying to separate what was him versus what was other.
What happens when (if) he manages to separate what actions were wholly him with no outside influence? What will he regret? What will he desperately try to justify?
How would he even determine what is him and what is the influence of the radiance? He has no memory of past actions to compare against. He can't necessarily even trust the memories he does have, they're full of hallucinations, gaps in memory where he doesn't know what he did. If it was "him" that did it. AAAAAAAAAAAUGH
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is chance checking out of reality a lot rn or am i looking too deep. there seems to be a lot of "jump cuts"
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back 2 valleri. info dump for me lurien i only read a handful of chapters of midnight rider.
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"I couldn’t tell you how many times she would’ve been jailed or worse"
wait wasnt she jailed tho. didnt she like. immediately punch pk in the face or am i misremembering. does lurien not know this. i feel like he should be told this information somehow bc like. i feel like it would give him a heart attack.
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VALLERI LEFT SOMETHING FOR CHANCE???? THE PLOT THICKENS HELLO???
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why is chance so gay he is SO focused on lurien all the time jesus christ man. i feel like i keep getting trapped in one of them slow burn fics where they keep almost kissing.
FUCKIGN 2 SECONDS LATER:
Having grabbed something from a small drawer in the table behind Chance, Lurien settled back, (disappointingly) further away from him.
chance ur down bad. this is going to blow up in his face spectacularly somehow. good 2 know i wasnt imagining the horny descriptions of lurien from last chapt.
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new theory: valleri is a time-traveling post-transition chance. source: my other theory that valleri and chance are closely related. similar temperament and appearance. both from california or w/e.
wait i think i remember valleri have future seeing powers. i refuse to finish reading midnight rider until ethno is done tho so i'm keeping my theory
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Chance reflexively rejected this information before he could begin processing its implications.
side effects of having magic powered by belief: may decide to just ignore things bc if u believe it you make it true. denial is a powerful drug
wait. hmmmmm.
did the radiance take chance's memories? or did chance want to forget? like could also totes be the cool magical barrier that wipes ur memories to prevent the radiance from escaping the corpse of hallownest. but now i am thinking of all the fucked up implications of something so horrible (by a teenagers standards) that chance wanted to forget everything.
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TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSK MY BABY TUSK POV TUSK POV TUSK POV
oh no the baby is injured.
They needed to find Chance. He would heal them, like always—
ur honor they love each so much!!!!!!!!! might be becoming a lil codependent but ITS FINE
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checks out that hornet was a vicious little child lmao
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“For Hallownest, there is no cost too great. That is what I told Him.”
OH SHIT
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oh fuck yeah i fucking love use of game mechanics in stories for problem solving. go little guy go!
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HEY WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK
Like life’s just a script and she’s waiting for her cue.
OH? paralleling what lurien said about PK. INTRIGUING.
(fucked up evil theory: The parallels between PK and Valleri that are being drawn here... from what I understand Valleri became INCREDIBLY close and attached to hallownest. What if Chance is Valleri's hollow knight?)
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The White Palace was destroyed. But so was the Watcher’s Spire, and Chance could put that back.
my sweet child, you are going to fucking kill chance
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Too cowardly to confront her own cowardice.
ruh roh raggy. hornet's going to have to contend with the fact that she has killed her own siblings in cold blood eventually. possibly soon
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fuck yeah i love worldbuilding. tell me more about how the fictional bug city built in a wet cave functioned and how the class divide determined transportation methods.
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*slaps chance* this baby can fit so much PTSD in it
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this is spelling euphoria isn't it.
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hey wait doesn't chance have boat trauma??? didn't he see a corpse under a boat in the last chapter of act 1???
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something bad is going to happen. we're building so much suspense.
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"Chance"
??????? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON NOW???????
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draped half overboard like a dirty wet rag
chance's natural state really.
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something in their Void was churning
This happens directly after Chance has his little episode with the boat. Are Chance and Tusk connected by the void? Didn't something similar happen in the last chapter??
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Hornet i love u. She's so spiderman coded.
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—Tusk whacked the switch to the elevator and went up and away. “Wh—Vessel! Hold on!”
see u idiot
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Ah Lemm, the confidence of a man who is very very wrong. he'd shit his pants if he saw all the human shit in the junkyard lmao.
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Several photos were attached to the line and dangled from ceiling to floor. Dozens of lines around the room like party streamers, a hundred little memories swaying gently in the dust.
megamind ass organization system
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burned painting frame.... coating the room in ash.. im sure this holds no significance whatsoever and won't come up again.
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Tusk has so much youngest sibling energy lmao
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uh oh hornet. ur getting attached.
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this is to hornet also, isnt it?
WAHT THE FUCK
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oh okay they are connected. poor tusk and chance. they r gonna become a feedback loop up fucked up huh
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wait does chance not know shes the princess. lmao
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aww hug fest JEREMY REAL??? or is hornet infected too hello????
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IM GOING FERAL VALLERIS SEEING SO MANY THINGS AT ONCE AND REACTING TO ALL OF THEM HELLO?????
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oh my god i feel like ive been punched seventeen times in a row. i have so much hype i need to run a marathon. im fucking spinning in circles im filled with unrestrained summer fun oh my god im supposed to sleep soon i dont know if i can manage stop thinking long enough to do that holy shit
#ethno#chit chat#ethnoentomology#i marked like 10 different things to draw boy we ARTING tomorrow#idk why i thought i was gonna clean this weekend i knew i was gonna be thinking about this all weekend#I need re read all of this for annotation and research purposes#ive got color coded annotations now everybody watch out my mildy incoherent theories are going to get slightly more coherent#so long as nothing else catches my little adhd brain before i run out of steam#ethno 41
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okay i need to get really obnoxious about the new nagisa and hiyori solos for a second
(before i go further i adore them, obviously. they are absolutely perfect for them and their character growth, all four of edens solos are, i am blown away by what theyve done with these and i could go on and on about how much i love them individually but in this post i want to go on about something very specific)
seeing hiyoris solo name, Accept My Love, i had some expectations for this song- namely that i expected this to be an overwhelmingly hiyojun song (in the way that other solos have obvious nods to important characters in their lives without being Explicitly About Them (Wandering Clown and Crystal Pleasure being obvious examples of this)) which i was excited for! and i think you can absolutely see it that way!
however!
there are also some nods in Accept My Love that feel more explicitly nagihiyo that have me absolutely struck- both in the references that seem to be links between both of their solos, and the links in Accept My Love that feel like theyre referencing back to some of the kiseki stories from ! era
i just want to pluck the examples i can think of, starting with just the solos (and also with the caveat that this is from one particular person's translations so there may be different interpretations, this is just me drawing conclusions from the ones ive found)
first, from nagisas:
and hiyoris:
poking at this, i can draw a parallel at the very least visually- nagisa finally stepping out into the world where the wind blows, and hiyori standing behind him calling to him to remind him hey, im right here, pay attention to me too...!
but then, going a little further
nagisa:
and then, hiyori:
now this i dont feel i even have to say anything about. the obvious parallels between nagisa struggling with the concept that trying to connect with others being a sin while hiyori just lightly dismisses it as not even something worth considering. loving sigh
and then!
nagisa:
hiyori:
again, a very easy to make comparison. hiyori has always been light-coded, and light in the darkness is a very easy metaphor to make for human connection and love, but i like drawing the parallel regardless as its used in both of their solos
and now... i also want to bring attention to something else.
in kiseki revenge match, thats when hiyori talks about nagisas backstory, and in the midst of it all, he says this
thats how he describes nagisa. and i truly believe that it came from anxiety, and a sense of inadequacy. hiyori poured all of his love into nagisa, and it helped- it undeniably helped, and nagisa has stated as much time and again, that hiyori brought him to life, that hiyoris light saved him, that hiyori is his sun. but hiyori alone couldnt be his whole world (no one person can, even if theyre soulmates (which they are (to me))) and so hiyori, whos sense of self worth is tied to his ability to love and to be loved and to heal, felt insecure over it and started to see nagisa as hopeless. as a bottomless hole.
however
this now brings me back to Accept My Love
do you think there is a limit on how sunlight radiates?
this is so, so stunning to me- because hiyori has come so far, because he believes that his love is endless and healing, because- reading it the way that i am- he can see his love as enough, that his love and giving it isnt hopeless anymore. and he wants to give it! he wants it to be received! accept my love!
and, the final piece that really tops all of this off for me
again, from hiyoris solo
in this journey with no destination.
I REST MY CASE.
NAGIHIYO INVENTED LOVE
#nagihiyo#nagisa ran#hiyori tomoe#hiyonagi#eden enstars#i will also note you can very obviously also draw the parallel between hiyori and juns solo#with the linked lines 'how dare you taking your gaze off me/you should know looking down wont do you any good either/where else should you#direct your gaze?'#and 'if you wish for yourself to be found/nothing will change if you only keep looking down'#from hiyoris and juns solos respectively#like i said you could very easily read accept my love as being directed at nagisa or jun or both#but i was so stunned by my own observations i had to put them all together into something coherent
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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so i have two things i've wanted to talk about for a while
the 1st one:
what do you mean, yagami. what exactly do you mean.
actually, i'm losing it at the fact that not only yagami wanted to avoid kuwana resenting him forever, but kuwana ALSO considers his resentment as a good enough insentive for yagami to not do it ever again
like. all delusions aside. a dude, who just thinks the other dude is being nosy and annoying and that he fucks everything up for him, tells him to stop being nosy and annoying, or his opinion on him would change for the worse irreversibly (what a threat). while that other dude figured that he will be threatened that way and went behind that guy's back, did the thing the dude will be upset about, and came back to inform him that he did the thing, because he cares about the dude's opinion for some reason and wants to be the one who'd tell him about the thing. oh, and they are called ENEMIES by others. they hate each other actually.
btw, yagami has never gone to bother kusumoto again. and did it only when she betrayed kuwana, only to say that he doesn't give a fuck about her anymore
they are so normal about each other.
P.S.: tesso honey i'm so sorry that this keeps happening with you
the 2nd one:
or, how i call this, the most romantic thing a protagonist can say to an antagonist
"i know so well that it scares me" you bitchass loser.
...actually, no, i have no commentary to this one. this is just a normal thing to say when a person confesses to the reasons on why he murders people. why am i making a big deal out of this. revenge killing is fine actually
✨bonus thingie✨:
simp behaviour tbh. so cringe of you, kuwana.
#this made more sense in my brain but yeah. archive purposes if nothing else#these are also Kuwagami Moments I Think About A Lot#and therefore should've figured a more coherent way to explain them but... alas#kuwagami#judge eyes#also: throws this post @ everyone who believes in yagami “goody two shoes” takayuki <3#yeah i'll never not be pissed there are people who think that yagami is just Good (and therefore boring)#the guy's family and friends are literal criminals guys.#ok whatever i'm over it#putting letters together one word at a time
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