#like how do u even process that. do you resent it? do you accept it?

[deepseatime]

imagine you're odile (odile isat) and the only things you know about your mother is she was from vaugarde and she left before you could even remember her. and you spend your whole life searching for something of her in you. trying to line up where the emptiness of you could meet the form of her, like trying to line up a puzzle. and so you begin to learn everything you can about vaugarde. and the first thing, the main thing that everyone knows about vaugarde, is their belief in change:

that you must change. and in order to change, you must destroy what already exists.

idk about you but id just start killing at that point

[failyaoi]

do u have any silly takeda headcanons 2 share? ^_^

YES. YES I DO I’ve been waiting for this moment

My #1 (not mk1 exclusive): he got his hair genes from Suchin. (this is why I colour his hair a more blue-black colour, bc that’s how I colour Suchin’s hair while I like to give Kenshi’s hair a more brown tone.)

Has like 3 missing teeth either from sugar or fights you decide

Kenshi helped him pierce his ears and accidentally stabbed him with the needle like 5 times

He got his tattoos pretty much as soon as he could, while Kenshi had waited until he couldn’t anymore- Takeda wanted his entire life to be surrounded by the Yakuza, even though he wasn’t very sure what he was trying to prove 

When Takeda was younger, Kenshi saved up to get him braces. A few days later Kenshi woke up to see Takeda plucking them off with pliers 

I like to believe he kinda always saw Kenshi as a somewhat “father figure” . or at least someone he could look up to until he got older . though Kenshi was more strict with him the older he got . he followed Kenshi around in his first few months of officially joining the Yakuza

Always been kind of a nerd. he’s a fan of badly written movies,  arcade games, and anime but only really started allowing himself to indulge in those interests after a while at the Shirai Ryu Secretly a JC fan of course Has TERRIBLE memory . it's BAD Chronic nail biter, Kenshi has had to shove his hand away to stop him and eventually Kuai Liang had to do the same After spending time in the Shirai Ryu, he started to actually process the trauma he'd been through in the Yakuza and because of this developed terrible attachment/abandonment issues . like it was present before but repressed it for years until he didn't need to anymore and it was like the floodgates had been opened Frequently feels nauseous due to anxiety, which he inherited from Kenshi :'( he toughs through it tho Actually really loves drawing and I like to think he has a cute anime style . Hanzo asks him to draw stuff for him Actually RESENTED Kenshi for leaving the Yakuza. he felt like he was being betrayed, left behind and abandoned. he thought the Yakuza was their everything, their family. when he found out Kenshi didn't feel that way he felt like he was being lied to. That's why he accepted to kill Kenshi, but when he failed (and almost died) realising he would get killed for failing, he felt that hurt Kenshi made him feel when he first left all over again. and for a Jinkeda one, they collect Pokemon cards together

[bloogers-boogers]

sometimes when scrolling past kyman analysises i get a little worried that people genuinely don't think kyle has the right to be upset with cartman, because he does! And that (+them caring for eachother regardless of anything) is why i like their dynamic:

because even if or when eric changes despite kyle having very much the right to atleast not forgive him.

having cartman become the person kyle always wanted him to be (maybe still being a dick but atleast a more ethical dick) and still holding onto those feelings of resentment is complicated for him, his own morals and both of their progresses!!

Having someone you love/hate grow as a person is complicated!! I think it makes for amazing angst and character development!!

(i hope this makes sense? Sorry for ranting, i've just been thinking about it a lot and am hella curious what u think of it all, or if im being out of line)

YESS YES YESSS THIS YOU GET IT, YOU SEE IT 😩😩

it's not something someone can easily forgive or probably won't ever. Like all the shit Kyle had to endure? Yeah.. but mostly for a character as strong and hotheaded as Kyle. I feel everyone has it easy to forgive Cartman (Stan, Kenny) but Kyle? Fuck even Butters would even struggle. Like you said, resentment. I can see Kyle having to force "growing up" from that bc either his friends persistent on accepting Cartman's changes or because he does feel it's right to do. But those feelings of resentment remain inside.

I think there would be parts of Kyle who'd be overwhelmed by those changes on Cartman, not knowing how to react probably even denial and also fear. And maybe for Kyle, being vulnerable and for Cartman of all people has his alarms going crazy. But there's also this Kyle who's proud for what Cartman archived? Bc in some way he witness that change, he contribute to it. Something he fight for. Something he wanted for Cartman and now that he's seeing actual progress it frightens him which takes away all the hits he was willing to take just to be able to see that happened for granted.

It's a "I endure hell to see you grow" type of cycle. Hope that it'd be better. For them to leave all of it aside and actually be friends. Even if that meant being hurt, humiliated in the process. Sacrifices he was willing to take. And it did but now Kyle remains resentful for it. For all of it.

I like to reflect on Kyle somehow. I went through a lot of emotional abuse for a long period of my life from someone close and I couldn't just back away from. I had to live with them around. There were times that it was great being around them, it was fun, comfortable and then, again a reminder of why I couldn't stand them. Because of all the hurt they gave me. And I just couldn't no matter how many apologies I received from the same person they meant nothing after a long period of abuse. Claims of wanting to "change" but never actually attempting to make that happen. I was hopeful things would be better but it never did, it worsen and I became more bitter about it than apologetic. I forgave but never forgot. And now that they're out from my life I can't ever forgive. Ofcourse this has nothing to do with Cartman and Kyle (it's a show after all) but it's what I use to put myself in Kyle's shoes. And if it weren't for it being fictional I honestly wouldn't be shipping them. But it is fictional and something about their relationship it's different from the rest of the other characters. It's different in the show. They work. I'm not saying Kyle's a victim cause he's fucking not.

They're both in a cycle they created. Kyle ain't no little angel early seasons show a whole other side of him that he outgrew from (not entirely). Kyle can fight back. And Cartman wasn't always some messed up kid just a dumb one. I'm not justifying his actions he's a dick. But I personally see them both in the wrong in the situation they're in.

Besides, their relationship feels more like the show puts them as "rivals". They can hangout, stand each other, be on equal ground, fight, tease, go against each other, get along. Hate is a strong word to use but I can't see them hating each other. Mostly bc we seen Stan telling Kyle to not go along with Cartman's shit if he doesn't want to deal with it, and he does that when he isn't feeling like it! (Tsss is a good example of that) also that episode where Kyle was rejected from the basketball team, Cartman stops his shit the moment he realizes Kyle isn't fighting back. Kyle is complying not standing his ground. It's no longer fun for him. Their relationship feels playful in a sense. That's toxic but that's what they grew use to and it's hard to break a toxic cycle like whatever shit they have going on.

If you hate someone you wouldn't care for what they do outside of you, you wouldn't save their life, you wouldn't be able to fight with them on one side and be friends on the other, you wouldn't rely of the other when things hit the fan/go wrong. These two are something else.

Pretty much their actions say otherwise.

Hahshaha dude I can talk about them all day, this thing is long but this is just me talking in the perspective I see Kyle on. Cartman is a whole other story😭😭

But yes, I get you anon! and don't apologize for the ranting! I love them<3

[arikihalloween]

A whole post about Nyxie ! Because it's the oc I show most often but what's her lore ? Well you'll get to know now

Firstly, you gotta know that Nyxie is an outsider to the WH universe alltogether. It's the most important detail !

Nyxie was made by a lonely creator who wanted to explore the world of Welcome Home through a sona ( assuming sonas would be like vessels for creators )

Nyxie considers Creator and Nyxie her moms

However, during the creation process, one of the creator's character, named Ethlynn, intervened and asked participate to the creation. The creator accepted, finding the idea interesting.

Thus, Nyxie was born and...

The result wasn't really the expected one. The creator found that she couldn't take control of the vessels, who had gained awareness and a mind of her own, as well as a personnality slightly different from the creator. Nyxie became a "failed sona"

But, instead of scrapping the character, Creator allowed Nyxie to live and sent her to the WH universe.

All was good at first, until an incident happened while Nyxie was still living in the Pause Garden ( here my other ocs gather)

Ethlynn brought Nyxie back to the WH universe in a hurry, but it was too late, Nyxie had been corrupted. While it's not fatal to characters like Ethlynn, who can later be turned back to normal by the creator, to Nyxie it's basically a death sentence. Nyxie corrupted and was left to wander in the dream realm.

Corrupted isn't aggressive, she's more so very passive but always in pain. Being around her will put you to sleepless dreams if you're not a dream being

Later on, an other Nyxie was made. That one fell in one of the AU, Vampire Hunter ( au by @/melancolic_crayons)

She stayed there for a while, making friends with a certain vampire until she understood what was happening in the au, at which point she took the vampire hunter side.

One day, after a particularly violent fight with the vampire, she understood he would feel no remorse in killing her, and managed to flee.

Since then she stays wandering in the dream realm mostly, as she cannot go back to the Pause Garden. She takes care of Corrupted.

And finally, we have the Nyxie you guys know ! 3.0 if you will. She has the memories of her two previous versions, although she doesn't have much contact with them. This Nyxie feels extremely lonely, as WH and AU characters will feel she's an outsider, but she has been made for the WH world, so she doesn't belong in the Pause Garden either and there is always the danger to be corrupted. It doesn't help that Nameless holds resentement for her, so she can't even rely on her own alternate versions.

It doesn't help that Creator sent KitKat to follow Nyxie around and report how she's doing

Royalty Nyxie and Pantheon Nyxie are special cases in the sense that they are actually native to the AUs they're from and thus do have a place where they belong.

@annemissingshoe since u asked !

I will reblog with funfacts about Nyxie sometimes I think or make a separate post about it

[bots-and-cons]

I've noticed people had invested in your story of your scarlet witch reader story so am i, but i understand if you don't want to write this anymore if that makes u uncomfortable then i'm sorry and i understand. But here's my request :

I want to ask for a request one-shot for Scarlet Witch Reader with Wheeljack to have a moment together before Redear's "death", like Jackie noticed her depressed moment one time, alone, away from the bots and wanted to talk to her if Reader needs some comfort but all the Raeder had said :

"I'm sorry...i know you're trying....I'm just so tired ..." Reader mumured, voice cracking, finally gives in. "And every single time I thought it was over I’d arrogantly sit right here, thinking I will suddenly be healed and ready to move on, being accepting again. Little did I know that the wave would keep crashing---knocking me right back down again. A continuous wave I can’t escape from. And eventually, it’s just going to drown me."

Since Wheeljack is the only one bot who didn't resent the Reader or didn't treat her like a monster, how will Wheeljack react to Reader's confession? Will he comfort her? Giving an advice or at least a hug? Will that moment haunt him after her "gone"?

Oh yeah, people seemed really interested in that one. I don’t mind writing more fic stuff for it, it's just that I got a bit tired of answering all the questions about it. I don't even remember everything I said, so this might not go according to what I wrote before. Since I didn’t tag them with anything special, I can't be bothered to look for them either, so here I go with my ramblings again. I wanted to do a scenario, which is why I left this as the last request. The first part to this, or I guess what would come after this can be found here. Just a little disclaimer, the last time I watched TFP was in 2019 so I barely have any memory of Jackie’s character because I write him so rarely. I apologize if this is severely OOC

You’d made your decision, you would disappear. When and how though? You weren’t sure but you would take your chance when you saw it. You packed a bag and hid it in the locker at a nearby bus terminal. You could get to it after you got away from the autobots so you would have something to start with.

On one of your final days with the autobots, you were just wandering around the base aimlessly. You weren’t sure what you were even doing there anymore. Sure the autobots were trying to keep you safe from the decepticons, but you could do that by yourself too. You were strong enough to do that.

For about the last half a year, things had been getting progressively worse. It started almost immediately after the autobots took you under their protection. You were helping them fight some of the decepticons and a boulder you threw hit the wrong target. You hit Bulkhead in the back making him fall down. He almost got his helm crushed in by Breakdown in the process, but managed to avoid the hammer strike at the last second. That’s when it started. The judgemental looks and hushed whispers.

You thought they would be different, that the autobots would understand because they too were different, but you were wrong. You thought they wouldn’t try to chain you down and make you keep your powers hidden, but they did. Ratchet was especially skeptical about your ability to control your powers, and as the little mistakes started piling up, the skepticism spread.

Aside from the incident with Bulkhead, nothing serious happened again, but all the little mistakes and accidents were interpreted as malicious on your part.

“Hey (Name)!” Wheeljack exclaimed, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Hmm?” you turned around to face him.

Wheeljack had noticed you were getting progressively more tired and anxious during the last few weeks. He had noticed the others treating you in a way that was in his opinion quite unfair. Jackie hadn’t exactly vocally protested against Arcee or Ratchet’s comments, but he hadn’t agreed with them either.

“Ya doin okay?” he asked.

“I’ve seen better days” you joked halfheartedly.

“Come with me” Jackie said, turning to walk back down the hall.

“Where are you taking me exactly?”

“I just thought we could talk without someone eavesdroppin on us” he shrugged, heading for the elevator. “Besides, ya need to get out of this place sometimes”

You followed him, not really saying anything as you took the elevator up to the top. It wasn’t very cold outside yet, so you could easily stay up there for a while without a jacket. You sat down on a rock as you looked at the sunset. If you were lucky, this would be one of your last nights at the base. It was a bit of a pity to lose such a great sunset watching spot though. You sat there for a while, not saying anything, just looking at the horizon.

“So, what’s going on with ya lately? You seem pretty down nowadays”

“I’m sorry, I know you’re trying, you’re probably the only who gives a damn about me anymore anyway” you muttered.

“I’m sure that’s not true…” Jackie said, not really sure if he was lying or not.

“I thought I could find a place here with you guys. A place where I wouldn’t be shunned, but apparently that’s not the case. I thought I could heal here, to finally find some sort of kinship with someone who understands what it’s like to be different, to be unfairly feared by others, but I just keep getting knocked down, continuously…” you vented, not sure why you were suddenly opening up to him like this.

You and Wheeljack weren’t even particularly close, but he was the only one who had never really held your powers against you like the others had. Even though he didn’t defend you against the other bots, not that they ever said what they thought to your face anyway, he never looked at you judgmentally.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I let it all out like that” you sighed.

That was the last talk Wheeljack had with you. He never really believed you had died after you disappeared, but he never went looking for you. Based on what you’d said before you disappeared, if you were still out there, you were probably happier without the autobots, and that’s all he could ask for.

Still, he felt like he should’ve done more. He should’ve at least said something but he didn’t know how to answer you. He didn’t know how to comfort you, or it was even his place to do so. Now it was too late, you were gone, and dead or not he wouldn’t get a second chance, but maybe it was better that way.

[gayleafpool]

Talk about Varian

IM ALWAYS READY TO TALK ABOUT THAT LOSER!! get ready

-> one thing i’ve been thinking SO hard about lately is the potential of a lady caine and varian friendship. imagine it. she lost her dad and varian thought he lost his which drove them to seek revenge against and grow to hate the royal family. they both get thrown in prison. and basically forgotten about. A FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN THEM WOULD BE SO FUNNY he would probably think she was soooo cool. wait imagine if they had cells near each other in prison. imagine if she saw the things he went through w andrew in prison and thought hm wow that was insane and fucked up. what if they meet again later on like post s3 and become sorta pals and feel like they can vent their lingering resentment toward royalty w each other and just like. idk talk about all the shit they went through. WHAT THEN HUH

-> related i get so emo about varian repressing his trauma and like, outwardly it seems like he got over everything that happened to him with the blizzard/amber/prison/etc etc but really it was more relief that rapunzel forgave him and was able to free quirin so it felt like everything should be FINE and it would easy to just leave everything in the past so he tries and he thinks he’s getter better and doing well but he’s really getting so much worse and refuses to address or process any of the shit he went through until it all majorly comes crashing down a while later. there are these little signs in the way he behaves like he acts weirdly reckless sometimes and will put himself in bad situations, just starts to exhibit signs of what happened to him. iykyk u know we know. and it’s so hard for him to rationalize this and accept this bc his feelings are so complicated bc he would tell himself that he deserved to be treated that way or even liked it because he was so lonely and desperate for positive attention so there’s this shame and guilt aspect that makes it 10x harder to talk about and AUGHHHHHHH. i could write an essay. this is so important to me. everyone be nice to me about this

-> okay lighter topic. something i always forget about varian is that he’s a good artist like canonically i think that’s so fun. THEREFORE: varian and rapunzel drawing/painting together. ENOUGH SAID!!!!! i love them

wait now i’m thinking more varian and rapunzel thoughts. rapunzel teaching him how to dance. rapunzel being one of the few people who’s happy to sit and listen to him ramble about chemistry n shit cuz she loves learning new things so she’s genuinely interested. they are so <3 IVE ALSO SAID BEFORE that i think varian looooves learning new languages and he’s really good at it and i think rapunzel would be too!! they just end up having lots of common interests

also i refuse to believe varian ever gets taller than her i just cant see it

-> mmfmfmfmfmf varian and ulla thoughts. the fact that they look so similar makes me crazy. i also like to imagine that his hyperactive inquisitive balls to the walls insane personality comes mostly from her too. cute but batshit 🫶🫶 also the anger issues. u know that image that’s like i inherited my mother’s anger yeah thats varian. also the idea that quirin is so protective of varian bc he feels like he couldn’t protect ulla esp when you factor in that varian is basically just a copy of her. WAUGH!!!!! i’m emo.

something something donella seeing hugo start to catch feelings for varian and being like oh so this little shit is EXACTLY like his mother. bc it reminds her of how she loved ulla but could never have her. and it makes her hate varian sooo bad. girl rein in the projection

this has been explosion hour with gayleafpool come again soon

[deprivedwithjoy]

She Who Embraces Envy

A U T O B I O G R A P H Y

No one admits to feeling envious. The word itself is often highlighted by devils as a sin that ruins interpersonal relationships and progress of some sort. Once a toddler grows older, she realises that it's easier to point fingers at another toddler who seems more suspicious than she is to escape the consequences of taking the blame. Carrying an adorable teddy bear in her right arm, the little girl with purple ribbons greets her father with a warm hug; behind them is the bruised figure of an older brother who is currently lying on the floor naked. He cries in agony. His wounds are open which causes immense bleeding. Any longer now, he might lose his consciousness—all because of receiving the punishment for something he did not do. The same applies to envy.

My name is Joylyn Valencia, and this is the Autobiography of an odd girl who likes self-deprecating jokes relating to suicide. I was born on the 25th of July, 2006 at the Manila Hospital. Recapturing the past, I would understand if parents were to lock their doors just to prevent their children from conversing with me. At the age of 12, I began suffering from a mental health condition known as "Trichotillomania" which involves frequent, repeated and irresistible urges to pull out hair from my scalp. As a consequence, bald spots began to occupy a wider range of my head. I was forced to cover the whole thing with a black headband, and since Aphrodite's grace didn't perceive me as the chosen one for authentic beauty, I was merely a mortal who had no right to complain. I had to accept my fate. The fate that most of us had to accept... mediocrity.

Until now, I remained a loser to temptation. Imagine opening social media just to deliberately compare yourself to other flawless models who have a foreign ethnicity and a wealthy status. I don't know them, nor do I care about their roast turkey dinner on Thanksgiving, and their desperate attempts to advertise their lousy content infuriates the heck out of me. Either way, I envy them. Sometimes, I wonder to myself. Did they work hard for it? What is happening behind the scenes before they post one of these "perfect" pictures of an extravagant event? Who knew that back then, I was foolish enough to believe the quotation "Beauty does not define who you are"(?) For me, that is nothing but a sugarcoated lie. People do treat you differently when you're conventionally attractive. I can approve since I've landed on both sides of the coin.

Back then, attending class daily looking like a cancer patient with the shortest stature... made an impact on my self-esteem and how others treated me. Well, sort of. They don't even have to say anything. I'm not that dumb to not know the difference between envy and pity. Unfortunately, it took me some time to get a strong grasp of reality. According to a dictionary I found on Google, Envy often involves feeling resentment towards another person since they have something you do not have; it is a mix of admiration and discontent—if you've hit rock bottom before, you would know what I'm talking about. On the other hand, pity usually connotes feelings of superiority. Others call it compassion, but isn't it odd how you feel quite "better" the moment you've realised that some malnourished kid is suffering way worse than you in a rural area? For the second time, the majority of us find it difficult to accept these negative emotions. Accepting it is just too painful, this contradicts the title we have placed upon ourselves as "good people".

What is more shocking is that—denying the dark side of human nature ironically makes things worse. Instead of going through the process of dealing with these negative emotions and healing yourself from within, the majority of people I know would rather blame others because of a common false assumption: that everyone is hostile towards them for the reason of envy and they pity them for it. Withholding a sense of grandiosity, they claim everyone to be self-proclaimed and evil but for some reason, they are an exception. Stop denying it. Don't despise or hate me for being honest. How can an individual change themselves without a hint of self-awareness? They can't.

[rafesbbyy]

I'm literally speechless. I desperately want to give a long review, but words have escaped me. OMG OMG. This chapter was such a roller coaster. I was genuinely biting my nails because the suspense and tension was insane in this chapter. In the first few scenes, I was so happy and fangirling over Feyd and how he choked the princess, that scene was so dramatic and perfect.

But, then you completely just shocked us with the ending??? What reader saw in the water??? I refuse to believe that was/is her future, NOPE. Feyd cheats on her in the vision???? Her own son kills her??? This specific scene made me go through so many emotions. First you manipulated us into thinking everything would be all sunshine and rainbows with the first vision of reader dreaming about her little kid and Feyd. But then u gave us that scene where Feyd is choking reader? Kill me right now because I refuse to accept any circumstance where Feyd and reader are not together in love.

Oh god, not to mention, the whole Paul scenario. I do not like this man and need him dead like right now lol. Paul deserves zero respect for kidnapping her and taking her away from Feyd, I'll forever hate him and I don't even care that he's right (seriously tho, this man is pure delulu wanting reader to have his kids and stay with him pfttt). What pisses and shocks me though, is that the reader appears to be considering his offer, which girl wtf is wrong with herrrrr. Although, the last line of the chapter is super ambiguous and mysterious because we literally do not what's going on inside the mind of my girl. Is she gonna stay with Paul and then kill him? Is she turn on Paul next?? Is she gonna be the baroness herself? Literally no idea, reader could pull up anytime and anywhere and we'll have zero idea.

Also, why do I get the feeling that reader stabbing Feyd is just a hallucination or another vision that's hopefully fake? However, the possibility of it being real is more scary and important. Like, you can't convince me she'll kill Feyd so easily. Is Feyd even dead, we shall never know until the next chapter. I'm here sitting in my bed with my fingers crossed because I need Feyd to not die. And, I need them to end up together and be in love. I'm also curious to know what will happen if Feyd is actually alive- imo he'd definitely resent reader and even hate her. Would he try to get revenge? or would he be so broken and in rage? OHHH I don't know. I loved LOVED this chapter so so much. The way I went through 50 different emotions while reading this and I swear I could feel my heart beating outta my chest. Phewwww. You have such an amazing way of writing, I'm not shutting up about it ever. The gif below was my exact reaction when I finished the chapter. I had to stare at the screen for a few good minutes to process everything I just read.

Right Hand V

Pairing: Na-Baron Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x fem!exBeneGesserit! reader Summary: The Bene Gesserit has something... very interesting to show you—something that only makes you question your situation more. During this time, Feyd is also put to a great test. But how much can your relationship endure before you both come to the conclusion that maybe you're not meant to be together? Warning: 18+; violence; blood; Feyd Rautha; death; fight; brutality; smut; Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Main Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ PART IV ~•♤♤♤•~ PART VI ~•♤♤♤•~

Dreams have a strange power. You can see your future and past in them. You can drift between dreamland and the real world and be semi-aware of your surroundings. You can create a new reality that is more tempting than your real life. Dreams can be either your sweet escape from reality or your dark oppressor.

For you, dreams were reminders of what had been, ghosts of the past, catching you in your most vulnerable state. But this time, you weren't dreaming about your past.

You were in Giedi Prime. You walked through familiar corridors, hiding from the Harkonnens' eyes. It was rare to meet anyone in these corridors. Most of them were dead ends with secret passages that were unknown to most of the inhabitants of Giedi Prime. That's why you were terribly surprised when suddenly someone pulled you by your cloak.

You freeze, startled, and turn slowly to face the small child. The kid looks like Harkonnen's child, but not quite. His skin is creamier than white, and white hair grows on his head in unruly curls. But what you recognised perfectly were the blue, bright irises that only one person could boast on Gieidi Prime.

"Mommy!" A boy around 5 years old runs up to you and hugs your legs as you look at him in shock and confusion. “Dad said he would take us on a trip! To Lankiveil! We will swim in a real lake! Can you imagine that?!” – he asks excitedly and holds out his hands to you. You automatically scoop him up into your arms and place him on your hip, trying to figure out what the hell is happening.

Someone's quick footsteps echo in the corridor. You look past the child and see one of the harpies approaching you. She breathed a sigh of relief and bowed to you when she saw the boy in your arms.

"You can't run away like that, my lord Na-Baron. The baron told us to look after you."

"I didn't run away. I quickly left to find my mom. Dad wanted to speak with her. Besides, it's not my fault that you're so slow." Both you and the woman next to you do everything in your power not to burst out laughing. You smile, burying your face in your "son's" hair. He was so damn similar to his father and you.

The boy jumps out of your arms and grabs your hand. He runs with you through familiar corridors and hidden passages, not caring if you can keep up with him.

This way, you are in the war room in just a few seconds. Feyd stands with his back to you, analysing something on the hologram of the planets in front of him. He doesn't even flinch when the secret passage closes behind you with a bang.

"Dad, I brought mom." Your boy announces proudly, leading you to Feyd. The man turns and runs his hand through your son's hair. The little one smiles, showing a series of night-black teeth... with small cavities. He looked so damn cute. Like a little version of his father...

"Good job, Feydor. At least you are able to find your mother in her shadows. Go, torment your uncle. I've heard that you promised Rabban a great fight after our lessons." Feyd says teasingly, wrapping his arm around your waist. You roll your eyes at his comment about shadows, but you can't help but watch his interactions with your son in fascination.

Feyd was rarely around children; on Giedi Prime, they were quite... not shown much. They were a temporary inconvenience rather than a source of pride, and the noblest and most important of the inhabitants rarely cared for their own descendants. The nannies and servants usually took care of them. That's why you observed with admiration how soft and tender he was towards the boy, who was a living mix of both of you.

"I did! I can't wait to use the voice on him. I love you, dad. I love you, mom." He hugs you and practically runs to the training room, looking forward to training with his uncle.

"Just don't humiliate your uncle too much! And remember to turn on your shield!" Feyd shouts after him, and you feel like crying at the worried and caring look on his face. You've never seen him like this. Well, not when the two of you were in no danger. "In moments like these, I feel sorry for Rabban. He has to face a deadly mix of both of us. Devious beast, just like us. It doesn't matter that Rabban is not using all his strength against him; he would have defeated him anyway with his tactical mind and the tricks he learned from you. I need to start training with him so that he doesn't become too arrogant and self-confident after his numerous victories over Rabban. He must always be alert and ready for his opponent."

Honestly, you're not listening carefully to what he's saying. You are shocked by this new reality in which you find yourself. It was too surreal for you. But you couldn't stop your heart from fluttering as he spoke about his son with such tenderness and pride. Your son.

"What's wrong? You look pale. Are you two alright? You had unusual cravings again, and now you regret what you ate?" The concern in his eyes confuses you even more. He places his hand tenderly on your stomach and watches you carefully, searching for any sign of discomfort as you wonder what the hell happened to make him... like this. It must have been your imagination. This couldn't be any vision of your future, because even in your wildest dreams, you had never imagined it to be so... beautiful. "Y/N? Talk to me, my baroness. Should I call a healer?"

"I'm fine." You reply with a smile, shaking your head and placing your hand on his—the one that was still tenderly caressing your small pregnancy belly.

"You sure?" Your lips hurt from smiling as you try your hardest not to cry in front of him with emotion. So you grab him by the neck and pull him in for a kiss.

He caresses your lips so gently and tangles his hand so carefully in your hair that you feel like you're about to cry from the way this rare, soft side of him makes you feel that he so bravely shows you.

"Yes... we... we are perfect." You whisper, resting your forehead against his, not at all referring to yourself and the child. You close your eyes, letting yourself breathe in his scent as he draws patterns with his finger on your stomach, keeping his arm possessively around you.

You wrap your arms around him tightly and bury your face in his neck, holding him as close as you can. He laughs softly and presses a kiss on your temple.

"There you are... I almost forgot how sweetly clingy you are while carrying my heir under your heart. We should've tried for a sister for our Kwisatz Haderach a long time ago." He murmurs against your skin and lazily plays with your hair, massaging your head. "Are you sure you are feeling good? You have been very quiet. Usually, you would throw all sorts of insults and banter at me. It's not too late for you to swallow your pride and admit that you want to give birth on Arrakis or anywhere other than on this polluted planet. Damn what those old hags think of you; it won't make you any less of a Harkonnen."

Your heart swells with every word he says. It takes a lot of strength on your part not to cry in his arms and to keep your voice from shaking as you try to form a coherent sentence.

"I... just promise me you will never let me go." You ask him, not daring to even look at him because you're afraid you'll cry the moment his eyes meet yours.

"You stuck with us, my baroness. Nothing can separate us." He promises it to you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head and tightening his hold on you. You felt safe. Warm. Loved.

"Good." You mumble, snuggling into him even more. You act as if this is really happening, like this is really supposed to be your life and future.

You have come to the conclusion that it is impossible and unrealistic for Feyd to change like this. The Harkonnens were not soft; they did not lead a tender family life and cared for their wives if they did take one. But in the end, it's your dream. So you sink into his arms, enjoying the sweet words he whispers in your ear and the way he strokes your hair.

Feyd had never been in such a hurry to get to his chambers. His heart was beating fast, and adrenaline was pumping through his veins as he thought about what had happened in those few hours. The baron is missing. He was kidnapped or killed by the Fremen. Feyd was to take his place until they found his uncle's body or the council officially declared him dead.

And Feyd had his suspicions about who could have contributed to the sudden disappearance of his beloved uncle. You couldn't have given him a better birthday present. In fact, you could, and he was practically running back to his chambers to pick it up.

He enters the chambers and immediately senses that it is too quiet there. He tries to dispel any suspicions and enters his bedroom, only to find the bed empty.

“Y/N?” He calls out, knocking on the table a few times to make his presence known. He peeks into the bathroom, slightly hoping that maybe you're waiting for him in the hot bath to tease him even more, but you weren't there either.

He frowns. He wonders if this isn't one of your games. Isn't that what you wanted—to play cat and mouse with him, to give him an exciting chase before he wins and can finally ravage you—but he quickly dismisses that (charming) idea. You were as desperate as he was. You wouldn't leave this room unless it was urgent. At least he hoped so.

He clenches his fists as he steps out into the main room of his chambers. The idea crosses his mind that maybe this time you actually ran away from him. He wouldn't be surprised. Maybe you finally snapped; maybe he scared you too much; maybe he went a step too far today by injecting you with truth serum and torturing your former lover/friend.

After all, you didn't say you loved him. You also didn't say that you despised him or that you wanted him to leave you. You could have escaped from him when the perfect opportunity presented itself…

"My lord, Na-Baron?" The frightened tone of one of the guards' voices brings Feyd out of his thoughts. He realises that he has gone out into the hall and is standing in the doorway, staring blankly at his two men. He clears his throat and turns his cold, calculating gaze on one of them.

"Have you seen my right hand?" They both shake their heads, not daring to look at him.

"No one left or entered these chambers except you, my na-baron." His madness grows as he unintentionally compares them to you. You always had the courage to face his anger and look at him, proudly bearing his burning gaze.

If you really run away from him... he will unleash hundreds of hounds, bring you back to him at all costs, and make sure you never leave his side again. He won't give a fuck if that's what you want. He gave you countless opportunities to leave him and end things between you two in a civilised way without brutality or bloodshed, but you didn't want it. The only thing stopping you two from being together were your stupid prejudices and fear. He planned to get rid of them completely once he got his hands on you again.

"Bring her to me." He growls at them, turning to go back to his chambers.

"But my lord..." Before the soldier can finish his sentence, Feyd reaches for his blade and cuts his throat with one skillful move. It eases the tension in his muscles a little, but the moment the man falls dead to the floor in front of him, his mood sours again. Because he remembers how, in moments like these, you often gave him a disapproving look and cleaned up the mess he made.

He growls at the other soldier, who is shaking with fear, to clean up and closes the door behind him with a loud bang. He had to find you. You got too deep under his skin for him to just forget about you. First, he had to determine whether you disappeared alone or whether someone had helped you. And God save him who dared to steal his baroness from under his nose.

He carefully examines his chambers, slowly exploring every corner. He frowns when he sees a familiar, polished dagger in his weapon collection. He picks it up and looks at it carefully. It was your blade. The one you had attached to your thigh. You had never left it—not since you got it from him for your birthday.

"Na-baron. You wanted to see me." You say, walking onto the balcony of his chambers. Feyd doesn't turn towards you. He stares at Giedi Prime spread out below him, the city completely shrouded in darkness. Only the few white stars that managed to penetrate the polluted atmosphere illuminated the planet with a pale glow. You quickly catch the hint and stand next to him, also looking at the buildings.

"I hate it here." He confesses to you without knowing why. "My home planet had seas, lakes, wild landscapes, and tundra that no one dared to tame. And here everything is so..."

"Controlled. Polluted. Defiled. Exploited. No room for anything... wild or natural." You finish for him. He nods, agreeing with your words.

It's been two years since you served him. And he had to admit that he didn't have such a good man on whom he could always count. You were extraordinary. Loyal, faithful, brave, honourable, and cunning. Feyd wanted to liberate you. Not many could live up to his expectations, but you seemed to know exactly what he wanted and needed after just one look. It aroused in him... strange feelings. Disturbing. But he didn't think about it when he was around you.

He preferred to admire your… difference. The hair that flowed slightly in the wind, the way your eyebrows knitted together in anger when someone questioned your position as his right-hand man, the way you walked, the way you could disappear into the shadows, the cunning and strength of your mind. You were an extraordinary woman. He started to appreciate you for the time you spent planning together. Nightly conversations about the nobility of Giedi Prime, your battle plans, and court intrigues became… something other than work for him. He was starting to like being close to you.

And at night, when he was with his concubines... he found himself imagining you in their place. And how much he wanted you... so much so lately that every little thing you did was the hottest, erotic act for him, even the way you moaned in appreciation when you ate good food. He was fucked up. Like a teenager in love.

But he didn't love you. He could not. His uncle had told him many times that the Harkonnens knew no love or affection. He just had to wait until this desire passed or find another right hand and make you his concubine, which was a much more difficult task. There were many pussies and holes he could have used, but you were the only one who seemed to have a mind even remotely like his. He couldn't afford to lose such a good strategist and soldier.

"Do you need anything, Na-Baron?" Your gentle question brings him out of his thoughts. He nods and goes to his chambers. He returns quickly with a black box in his hands. He hands it to you, carefully watching your reaction.

"Happy birthday, little witch." He says, not hiding a small smirk when he sees your shock. He managed to surprise you so rarely that he treated every such moment with reverence, as if it were the most important moment of his life. Pathetic. What power you had over him…

"How did you..."

"I have my ways too. Open it." He interrupts you, excited by your reaction to his gift. He puts his hands behind his back, feeling his fingers tremble slightly as they begin to sweat. He ignores it, completely focused on you as you gently untie the white bow and open the box. You hold your breath, staring at the dagger in awe. "Steel from my home planet. Don't stab yourself with it by accident. When it pierces someone's body, a piece of the blade dissolves under the heat of the attacker's blood. A small dose of this metal in the human body causes, in the worst case, a moribund state and death. We call it the shadow killer because death occurs hours after the attack unless an antidote is administered."

"I... I don't know what to say." You whisper, taking out the blade and running your fingertips over it. He looks at you with pride. He made it all by himself. For you. A detail he would take with him to his grave rather than admit to anyone.

"You can thank me. Didn't the Bene Gesserit teach you this?" He asks teasingly, making you roll your eyes at him. However, you give him such a beautiful smile that his black, rotten heart beats faster, letting him know about you for the first time in years.

"Thank you, Feyd." He melts when you say his name. You used it so infrequently that he had every little moment seared into his memory when you let your professionalism slip through and did it. And he loved the way his name sounded on your lips. He couldn't help but imagine what it would sound like when you shouted it, under much more pleasant circumstances.

"You know, we Harkonnens kiss each other on the lips as an expression of gratitude." He says this as your eyes move back to the dagger. He sees you freeze at the memory of it. You blush slightly, but enough for Feyd to notice the slight change. And he absolutely loves seeing you blushing and confused.

"I'm not a Harkonnen." You respond with a cheeky smile, and he shakes his head in amusement.

"But you are on our planet. I guess you should follow our rules and customs, right? Besides, in a few years, you'll be considered one of us."

"If I survive."

"I think you have a good chance." He smiles at your banter. The pride in his chest grows even more when, instead of looking at his black teeth in horror, you giggle, unfazed. You were so different…

However, he freezes when you take a step towards him. You cup his cheeks in your hands and pull him in for a kiss. He almost moans into your mouth like a total slut. It takes all of his willpower not to kiss you back, not to pull you closer, and not to actually taste your lips. But he can't. He won't show that he is that weak for you. So he keeps this fake kiss very professional. He is digging his nails into his palms until they bleed, as he is too afraid that he will accidentally reach for your body and pull you closer to him.

You pull away from him as suddenly as you place your lips on him. And he's both shocked and angry that your lips left his so quickly. His eyes wander to your lips as you lick them. Feyd curses himself for how badly he wants that pink tongue of yours to wrap around his own... or the hardening manhood in his pants.

"Thank you, Na-Baron Feyd Rautha." You whisper and head towards the exit, leaving him there, completely horny and wanting more of you—your touch, your kisses, your lips, your taste, your everything. He feels himself blushing at the thought of what he wants to do to you.

"Your welcome, my little witch." He mumbles as you disappear back into your shadows. He puts his bloody fingertips on his lips, tasting his blood. He closes his eyes, imagining how sweet you must taste...

Yeah... Feyd couldn't love you. A lie he had told himself since that night every time he felt his heart pound in his chest whenever he saw you.

"Brother… I mean... my Baron…" Rabban's voice reaches him vaguely as he continues to recall that day. Now he knew the taste of your lips... and your more intimate parts. And damn him if he doesn't put his fingers and tongue on you again.

"What?" He growls at him furiously, unsheathing his dagger and attaching yours to his body. The blade of the dagger was a bit uneven. And soft in his hands. It must have been used recently. And from the dried blood on the handle, he guessed that someone had clumsily tried to clean it. Someone took you from him.

He returns to the bedroom and grabs your shawl from the floor. He puts it to his nose and inhales your scent. He calms down a little—not enough for his fury to disappear, but enough to start thinking logically.

He was going to turn Arrakis into a living hell.

"The council has met. All high families. They are waiting for you."

Feyd would ignore it and go straight to find you, but your disgruntled face appears before his eyes. He would know that you would advise him to go to the council and present himself as best as possible—show his strength. He sighed, wrapping your shawl around his wrist as he made a decision.

"I see. Let's go." He announces this as he leaves the room and doesn't wait for Rabban to follow him. His brother runs after him, cursing under his breath as he tries to keep up with his fast pace. Feyd had a plan in his head and a clear goal. He'll have you in his arms at the end of the day, or he'll burn this damn planet down looking for you.

"And your witch?" Feyd suddenly stops. He turns his head slowly and looks at his brother, narrowing his eyes at him.

He shakes his head, knowing full well that you would castrate his brother before allowing him and his men to take you away. Rabban was too stupid for that and too afraid of him. If Feyd had to bet on who did it, he would choose the Bene Gesserit or Atreides with his Fremen.

"She won't be there. Order our men to close the airspace and monitor movements in the desert. Tell them to keep an eye on the Reverend Mothers and the Bene Gesserit. If they object to or question my decision, order to tell them that the baron is only trying to keep them safe. They are to report their every move to me. Once you've done that, join the meeting."

"Me?" He asks in shock, following obediently after him.

"You are my brother. We have to show that we are strong and that there are no divisions between us. Especially after my uncle is dead. They may think we are weak targets and want to get rid of us, just like we did with the Atreides. We must assert our dominance."

Rabban nods, looking at him warily. Feyd doesn't care what he looks like. They took you away from him. He'll do anything to get you back. It doesn't matter if he makes you seem mad or a worse psychopath than he already is.

Why does he need a reputation as a bloodthirsty beast if someone dared to get their hands on what's his anyway? People sentenced themselves to death and then dared to say that he was unpredictable. Pathetic idiots. He hoped you were giving them hell. His heart ached uncomfortably at the thought of someone hurting you while he had to deal with the nobility.

"Let's be honest. Baron Vladimir is dead. Paul Atreides is still at large, probably planning our murder, and the Fremen are rampaging in the desert, worshipping the false prophet. What are you going to do about it, Baron Feyd Rautha?" Feyd clenched his fists under the table. He slowly stopped being surprised that his uncle had become such a man.

After talking to the emperor for a moment, he felt like cutting out his tongue and gouging out the eyes of other high families staring at him. As if his role was to play their hero...

"We have already taken the first measures. It only takes a few bombs to extinguish the spirit of these desert rats. As for Paul Atreides... my people are looking for him. And my right hand went missing the night my uncle died. We suspect this is a related case. I'm going to head out into the desert and join the search. Of course, leaving members of high families in the care of my brother and some of our people. No one will leave Arrakis until the traitors are killed."

His calm, unruffled demeanour, and silent threat caused a slight stir in the room. Feyd suppressed a smirk. He loved controlling the crowd this way. However, he knew that impressing the emperor would be more difficult. Words were not enough to prove that the Harkonnens were a force they should be afraid of. And so far, his brother and uncle have only brought humiliation to their family. He had to fix it. Only with you by his side. That's why he had to leave this pointless meeting as soon as possible and start taking some action. His weapon craved blood.

"It wouldn't be the first time a concubine had gone missing." Princess Irulan comments. Feyd shifts his gaze to her, analysing her carefully. She was paler than usual, her posture more indifferent, as if she were trying hard to hide her true emotions behind her mask. Feyd made a note to look at her more closely.

"Probably not, Princess Irulan. However, in light of recent events—the Atreides attack, the death of my dear uncle, and the increased activity of the Fremen—I am certain that this is not a mere disappearance. This is a deliberate action. Attack on noble houses. Attack on the Harkonnens. And maybe I wouldn't be so concerned about my right hand being missing if it weren't for the baby." After his words, silence fell in the room. Feyd delights in the shocked look from the princess and the nobles in the room.

"The baby?"

"My heir she carries." Feyd nods, repeating his words to the emperor.

Feyd could barely contain his smirk, knowing full well how much you would like to see the faces of representatives of great houses now. To say they were shocked was an understatement. But what else was he supposed to say? That he goes looking for you with a thousand of his troops because he loves you and simply can't lose you? Only the thought of losing his heir was... a good reason to search all of Arrakis and close the airspace—any possibility of leaving the planet.

Because who would stop Harkonnen from desperately searching for the woman who carries his heir? Even a fool wouldn't dare. And if the Bene Gesserit were behind your kidnapping, they wouldn't dare do anything to you either after hearing that... surprising information. After all, they needed his offspring for their plans. Why would they destroy one? Feyd just hoped to get to you first before anyone discovered that you weren't pregnant at all.

"You horny dog! Why didn't you say anything?" Rabban pats him on the back, laughing hoarsely. It breaks the awkward silence in the room. But still, everyone's eyes are on him.

"We preferred to wait with any celebration until we were sure that the baby was growing healthily. After all, this could be our Kwisatz Hederach. Of course, now the safe return of my fiancée with our child is much more important. Therefore, I hope that the Emperor will consent to whatever… measures I intend to take in this matter. Whoever dared to raise a hand against the Harkonnens will pay the weight of their crimes in blood." Feyd continues his lies, knowing full well that you will kick his ass when you find out he called you his fiancée in front of great houses.

"But… I talked to the Baron…"

"My uncle... has not been in good health for a long time. May he rest in peace. Whatever arrangement he made with you, the emperor, during my reign it must be discussed again. Unfortunately, he will not rise from the grave and give us all the details."

"Of course… Baron Feyd-Rautha." The Emperor nods at him. Feyd takes the opportunity and decides to leave the room while he can. He nods to his brother, who turns out to be intelligent enough to understand the message and stands up as well.

"Excellent. If you don't mind, we'll leave now."

He doesn't wait for an answer. He just goes out, with Rabban close behind him. He orders him to prepare the army for the march and place spies around the fortress. They split up halfway to Feyd's rooms. He goes to prepare for his departure, hoping that Rabban will cope with the tasks he has entrusted to him. He missed you. He knew he wouldn't have to worry about anything if you were by his side.

He sighs as he enters his chambers. He stops in his tracks, seeing Princess Irulan next to his collection of weapons. He closes the door behind him with a bang, announcing his presence. The woman trembles and turns towards him.

"Baron."

"Princess." He responds coldly, looking at her carefully. He didn't say anything more. He wanted her to explain her sudden presence in his chambers. He notices, however, that his new title sounds nasty coming from her mouth, no matter how seductively she tries to say it. He imagines you whispering it in his ear as you ride him on his new throne on Giedi Prime...

"I thought you were leaving." He returns to the present moment, making sure he remembers to fulfil this fantasy once you both get back from this damn planet.

"I needed to change first." He replies and clears his throat, suggesting that she should leave. Unfortunately, she either doesn't want to or doesn't understand his hint and stays where she is, watching him carefully.

He feels like he's playing chess. One wrong move, and he loses a pawn. He hated this game until you started playing with him in the evenings, when you exchanged gossip from the court and your own comments. He doesn't remember how many times you fell asleep and he carried you to his bed. His harpies hated these evenings, and he too hated them at the beginning. Over time, he was just waiting for that moment when he was able to watch you snuggle into his pillow, sleeping peacefully.

"I… that's good. I was hoping to talk to you before you left."

"Talk then." He says this and starts taking off his clothes. He notices her blush and the way she looks away. But there's nothing sweet or funny about this gesture, unlike the way you do it. He changes into his usual tactical battle armour as fast as he can, still thinking about the way you used to even shout at him when he was going fully naked around you.

"I was shocked by this news. About the baby. And your fiancée."

"Why?"

"Well, you know very well, my lord, that the Bene Gesserit has planned to unite our families. This shouldn't have happened." He furrows his hairless eyebrows, feeling the anger start to boil within him again. How dare she tell him what he should do? Who should get pregnant, and who should not? He didn't care what the Bene Gesserit wanted. Feyd wanted you, and you probably wanted him. That was all that mattered.

"Would you rather be at my fiancée's place? Would you rather carry my baby instead of her?" He asks dangerously, approaching her slowly. Before she can react, he lunges forward and almost crushes her neck in his grip when he prevents her from using the voice. "You are trembling with fear, princess. It is pathetic that the Bene Gesserit even thought we could connect in any way. Even if we got married, I wouldn't lay a finger on you. At best, I would kill you right after I consolidated my power as emperor. Now that we both know where we stand... Tell me, where is my little witch?"

"The Reverend Mother sent her to Paul Atreides' hideout." She answers him obediently. Feyd smirks sadistically and maliciously as her eyes widen in shock when she realises he has used the voice on her. "How?" She managed to ask before Feyd tightened his grip on her throat again, giving her a bored look.

"With one of your witches by my side, do you think I won't do anything to learn your tricks? I'm not an idiot to let an opportunity like this pass me by. You think that I didn't also see you wince with every move at the meeting? This must have happened right after my fiancée stabbed you when you kidnapped her, right? The poison took effect, didn't it? Are you feeling weak? Do you feel how you slowly lose your vitality with each breath? It will get even worse. Maybe my fiancée will have the mercy to give you the antidote, but I have no intention of doing so. Now listen to me carefully. You won't say or write even a word to inform anyone about what happened. You will lock yourself in your room and endure the effects of the poison without complaining to anyone that something is wrong with you. Get out of my sight before I finish my beloved's work."

He throws her away like a rag doll, feeling defiled just by touching her neck. The only reason he kept her alive was because she was the emperor's daughter, and he couldn't afford to get rid of her YET. She runs away from him as soon as his grip on her neck is gone.

He smiles mockingly and leaves his chambers as well. Now that he knew you would be in the desert, he was going to dig up those damn sand folds and kill all the Fremen and Bene Gesserit who had a hand in your kidnapping.

And once you are by his side again, he will give you the heads of the princess, Corrino's Reverend Mother, and Atreides on a golden platter—an engagement present worthy of a real baroness. Well, he'll have to convince you to marry him first. He sighs, realising how much work is still ahead of him.

You wake up feeling numb. Entirely. There's a gag in your mouth, your hands are tied behind your back, and your ankles are cuffed together, completely preventing you from moving.

You look around your surroundings, realising that you are in one of the Fremen hideouts. A small room carved into the sandy rock resembles a prison cell. You gasp as you try to get off the floor. With a groan, you lean against the cold wall behind you as you somehow manage to sit up. You wonder how the hell you ended up here. And how can you escape when you are completely incapacitated?

Suddenly, the door to the room opens, and Corrino's Reverend Mother enters. You look at the woman with a calculating gaze, showing no emotion other than disgust.

"Y/N Y/L/N. We thought you were dead."

You roll your eyes at her. The old hag knew perfectly well that you had a gag. The fact that she expected any response from you was ridiculous.

"You betrayed your sisters. We should have killed you the moment you were recognised by one of us. You're lucky we're still keeping you alive."

You would snort if you didn't have a gag in your mouth. The Bene Gesserit knew no mercy; if they kept you alive, it was because they still needed you in their plans. After all, you were the strongest of them, which might not be visible now, but it was the truth. They didn't train you all your life and shape you into their ideal form of some sick Holly Mother, just to throw you away now.

You are tensing as the old woman walks up to you and painfully grabs your jaw. You glare at her furiously with your own, not showing an ounce of fear or remorse. What you wouldn't give to have at least a butter knife with you…

"Do you think you are smart, child? That you managed to escape fate? Not at all. Our visions may have been blurry, but now we see everything. Paul Atreides sees everything. After his plan succeeds, he becomes emperor, and you will become his concubine and the mother of the Kwisatz Hederach. Until then, we will keep you under control."

"Who allowed you to come in here?" A cold, commanding voice echoes throughout the small cell. The Reverend Mother steps away from you as if she's been burned by him, giving you the opportunity to look at Paul Atreides as she steps inside. You shiver as his cold gaze falls on you, but you show them nothing but disgust and anger. If you're going to die, at least you will make sure that before you do that, you'll be remembered by them as one big pain in the ass.

"I..."

"Silience!" Atreides yells at her as she feebly tries to explain herself to him. You frown, wondering how the hell he gained such power over the Bene Gesserit. "Leave us alone."

The woman nods obediently and leaves, closing the bars to your cell behind her. You shift your gaze to Atreides, examining him carefully. He was… more portly than you remembered him last time. He became stronger, tougher, and visibly hardened by the sands of Arrakis, since his posture was stiff as armour. You catch yourself thinking that if he stood in the arena in Giedi Prime, he would still lose to your na-baron.

"I am not here to hurt you, Y/N." Atreides says, walking over to you. He crouches down so that you are both at the same height. You look closely at the features of his face, analysing them carefully, trying to read what's behind the strange behaviour of the mysterious Fremen's prophet. "We both have our roles to play here. Something that is above us. I learned a lot about you.I know about your service to the Harkonnens, what you endured as a Bene Gesserit, and every darkest part of your past. And I know you are a wise and very strong woman. You probably understand why all this is so important and why we must fulfil the prophecy and take our places in this story." He says, removing your gag. You clear your throat as he finishes his speech, and, trying to hide your concern, you growl, your voice so hoarse and dripping with madness that Feyd would surely be proud of you:

"You are a mad freak. Feyd will kill you as soon as he finds you. And hell knows, he will come for me. It will be pure joy to fight him for the privilege of being the one who impales your head." Atreides gives you a small smile. He shakes his head, amused by what you're saying. He stands up, helping you to stand on your two feet as well, placing his hands on your waist respectfully, and touching you as little as necessary.

"Come with me. Let me show you something." He says this in an extremely calm voice as he removes the chain from around your ankles. You briefly consider kicking him and trying to escape, but you realise there's not much you can do with your hands tied. You are also still weak—too weak to maintain control over someone else for long with the voice. "Do not be afraid. I told you. I have no reason to hurt you." He encourages, concluding that your hesitation is out of fear and not a desire to attack him.

"I lived for years among the Harkonnens. I'm not afraid of anything except myself."

He gives you an ironic smirk, as if he were convinced that he was an evil worse than the Harkonnens. You don't care about his poor attempts to intimidate you. You weren't some desert rat to be terrified of a man with nice curls and eyes.

You walk through a series of corridors, and of course he leads you, holding your arm tightly and making sure you don't do anything stupid on this little trip around his kingdom. It brings you great satisfaction. Your reputation had obviously taken its toll if he continued to be vigilant around you while you were still half sedated and tied up without any weapons.

You smile sadistically at the Fremen you pass. They look away from you, too afraid to meet your gaze. You were known among them as the Na-Baron's bloodthirsty right-hand, whose cruelty rivalled that of many Harkonnens.

You and Atreides go deeper down. You slowly start to feel dizzy from the number of corridors, corners, and stairs he tells you to take, but eventually you reach a more spacious room. You sigh, feeling the humid air—a sweet change from the dry Arrakis wind. Atreides takes the torch and leads you deeper into the room. You gasp as you see a large pool full of water.

"The Fremen treat water as something sacred. They collect it from the bodies of their people; the water of the more deserving people goes to such pools."

"This is a waste. And stupid, considering that they are dying from a lack of water while having pools of it safely hidden from the Harkonnens." You notice, staring at the pool of water. You tense as you feel Paul's searching gaze on you. You turn your head and give him an intimidating look. He doesn't even flinch. He is unfazed as he continues to analyse you—something you don't like at all. You wish Feyd was here. He would gouge Atreides' eyes out the first time his gaze lingered on you for a second too long.

"Possible. But it's not the first time we waste something in the name of faith, right?"

"Faith befuddles and stupefies. Same as prophecies. We are responsible for our own fate. It doesn't matter what some crazy old man wrote in the books a hundred years ago, probably under the influence of drugs or other alcohol. No one influences our future except ourselves."

His silence at your words worries you. You turn your head to look at him. A small smirk spreads across his face—a sign that your words didn't outrage him as much as they were supposed to. He nods, agreeing with your words, and you realise what he really means. The son of a bitch was testing you. Logical, considering that he was the one who started the cult of him. He thought like you. He did not believe in any Kwisatz Hederach, and even if he did, he considered himself one. He just needed you to keep the propaganda and people's faith in him.

He wanted to show that he had tamed the Harkonnen's witch.

Atreides walks over to you and carefully places a hand on your shoulder, directing you to a different side of the room. You pass by a pool of water. In the centre, there is a large stone bowl on a platform.

"The Reverend Mothers call it the mirror of wisdom. It shows us our future if we continue on the path we are currently on. Look. See what awaits you with your crazy beast by your side."

"It's very brave of you to think that I'm not one." He chuckled at your words. He lets go of you and takes two steps back, keeping his amused, curious gaze on you.

"The Harkonnens are different from us. You may think you are one of them, that you have absorbed their ways and behaviours, but the truth is that you are not one of them at all. You may have adapted to survive among them, but can you look me in the eyes and tell me you don't long for something more... normal?"

"Normality is for the weak." You reply, huffing furiously. "Apart from that, my life has always been different from normal. This is my normality, Atreides."

"Even the bravest warrior needs a break, a moment of respite. Look. Aren't you curious?"

You were very damn curious. Especially after that strange dream/vision you had. So, without saying a word, you approach the bowl of water. You take a breath and dive your head into it, letting the images flood your mind.

This time you are not on Giedi Prime, and you are not a participant in the events. From a distance, you watch the older version of yourself adjust the crown on her head. Empress's crown.

You see yourself flinching in the mirror as the door to your chamber bursts open. Feyd, dressed as an emperor, walks in furiously, heading straight for you. He pushes the large mirror, smashing it against the wall with a roar.

However, you don't care about his sudden attack and watch him, unfazed, as he gasps with rage.

"Is something wrong, honey?" You ask in an almost too-sweet tone, mocking him.

"Do you have the nerve to ask me that? Why don't you tell me where my concubine is instead? Where did you send her? You gave the corpses to the harpies to eat? If any harm has come to her, I will make you eat all three of them before I tear out your cunning heart from your chest, witch."

"You'd have to touch me first. And we both know that lately you're more afraid of laying a finger on me than of our son dethroning you. Which is very surprising, by the way. Has that concubine of yours brainwashed you so much?" You see yourself smiling mockingly as you watch his anger grow with every word you say.

"Don't talk about her like that. Unlike you, she's not a cold, uncaring, selfish bitch."

"Of course not. A smart woman wouldn't willingly sleep with you." This completely breaks the remnants of his composure. He walks over to the older version of you and wraps his hand around her neck, pressing her against the wall.

But he doesn't do it the same way he does with you. It's not a gentle neck hold, a warning, or anything sexual—something that would turn you both on. He just cuts you off, choking you, watching with sick satisfaction as you squirm, trying to get out of his grasp.

"What's stopping me from ending your miserable life? You have already given me a son; your usefulness has long passed, and yet I still let you breathe the same air as me." He says this, tightening his grip on your neck. You gasp as he pushes you away.

From the way you fall to the floor and choke for air, you assume that the older version of you was only seconds away from suffocating. But you don't surrender to him; you don't give him any satisfaction in trying to intimidate you. You start laughing derisively, shaking your head in amusement as you slowly get up from the floor.

"Aw... you couldn't kill me. You're like a dog. You bark and do little. You love me too much to kill me, don't you remember? How did you beg me all those years ago for a piece of my feelings? Who said I love you first? Who was begging on his knees for my hand? Who wanted to have a child? You. You are just a desperate little boy looking for love and affection. You probably even liked the fact that I'm jealous of you and kill your lover? Unfortunately, I don't give a shit who you fuck. I didn't steal your whore, so get out and don't waste my time, husband." You mock him, waiting expectantly for his next move.

He stares at you with pure hatred and resentment. You feel the tension in the room begin to build; the immense anger and disgust between the two of you are palpable. You have no fucking idea how you came to be so hostile towards each other, but... you can't say you're surprised. Because if you were already imagining a future with Feyd... this was the scenario that came to your mind most often.

The two of you were too broken to trust each other and entrust each other with the remnants of the heart that beat and remained within you.

Feyd looks like he wants to say something. But he gives up and instead just leaves the room, slamming the door behind him.

You swallow, observing your pathetic fate. The empress locked in a golden palace. At eternal war with everyone. Lonely. Your heart aches at the thought of this being your fate. This is what you were running from. Before relegating you solely to the vessel she was to carry and give to the world, Kwisatz Hederach, Because what would be the use of you then? You would be rejected and alone. Waiting to die. However, you didn't expect your end to look like THIS.

A figure emerges from the darkness of the room through a hidden passage—a man who is a copy of you and Feyd. You see a similarity in him, in your movements, in your creeping through the shadows. He approaches you from behind, holding a dagger similar to the one Feyd gave you on your birthday. You don't react when you feel steel around your neck, as if you had long ago come to terms with how you would die—and by whose hands.

"You were right, mother… I was destined to achieve much more."

And with that, he cuts your throat. Crimson blood runs down your dress, almost invisible against the black material. You die quickly. Quietly. Like a rat...

"Have you seen something interesting?" Atreides' voice reaches you as you step away from the bowl after the vision ends. You sigh heavily, breathing heavily. Drops of water roll down your face and soak into your linen shirt.

"Screw you." You snap at him, trying to wipe your face on the frame. He tears off a piece of his shavl and walks over to you. He wipes the water from your face and hair, not caring about the scowl you throw at him in warning.

"I told you. The future with Harkonnen cannot end well. But if you stay with me, I promise nothing will happen to you. You can be more free with me than you ever could with him."

And you're tempted as hell to accept his offer. You can't say you're not interested at all, that what you saw hasn't made you question your choices... but you've been a Harkonnen for so many years. Could you really forget all this so easily? Forget about Feyd? Maybe in that stupid Bene Gesserit's bowl you saw your tragic end at his side... but did it really have to end like this? You could avoid all this. Take a risk to gain something much better...

"So this is your offer? Freedom and security for lending my uterus for 9 months?" You ask him, wanting to know exactly what options and choices you have.

"In very simple terms, yes." He nods, still staring at you. You find this very irritating of him; you were usually the one who pierced other people with your gaze. Not the other way around.

"What for? You're telling these fools that you're their saviour and the messiah. Kwisatz Hederach, ahead of his time. Why do you need me?"

"I need the support of the Reverend Mothers of other families. I may have... your powers and be the strongest of them all, but I've learned that if you can gain someone's support in a peaceful way, it's better to try it before reaching for a weapon."

Atreides stared at you like you were a puzzle to solve. You didn't like the hidden arrogance in his eyes—the belief that he was truly capable of discovering all your secrets.

Maybe he knew your past, and maybe he saw visions of the future, possible scenarios of what might have happened after his decisions, but the present was yours. And only yours. You will be more than happy to show him that no one could tear out all your fangs and claws.

"Feyd will kill you sooner and bind me with tighter chains than you did, than he ever allowed such a turn of events." You say confidently, convinced that he won't just leave you. In this situation, it's a huge relief for you... but in your head, you can still see his sadistic smirk as he choked you against the wall.

"Not if I kill him." You tense up at his words, and your heart starts to beat faster as you process his words. You would never think that Feyd Rautha could ever die—not by another person's hand, of course. And certainly not Atreides.

He fought too well, was too intelligent and cunning to fail in battle, and yet... you couldn't deny that that one simple sentence Paul said with such confidence didn't send a cold shiver of fear down your spine or that you felt no threat.

"Have you ever seen him in the arena? Or how does he fight? You may have become stronger thanks to your time on Arrakis, but he was trained from childhood to be a small, psychopathic killer and ruthless warrior. You don't stand a chance, Atreides. You won't last a minute fighting him."

"Maybe not in an equal fight. But by trick? More than one great king fell under the intrigue of a lesser man."

"Are you talking about your father or maybe even your mother?" You ask mockingly, making his jaw tense and his hands clench into fists. You are very pleased with yourself that you finally managed to hit his sweet spot. Feyd would be proud of you.

"I'm talking about what will happen. Feyd Rautha will die. From my hands." The more he talks about it, the more your anger grows. However, you decide to stay calm and continue the little exchange between the two of you, trying to get something useful from him.

"Are you that sure about your visions? You don't hesitate for a moment, Atreides? It must be so boring knowing what's going to happen. Never having any element of surprise…"

"There are no more certain and clear visions than mine. Maybe you should also start believing in them?"

"Not as long as I have my brain." And my own visions. You add it in your mind, thinking about what you had dreamed about before you woke up in this hole.

"The rumors about you don't lie… Harkonnen's witch." He hums as he walks over to you. His hand reaches up to your cheek, using the pad of his thumb to gently wipe your cheek clean of the drop of water still left on it.

You shiver, staring into his eyes. His touch burns, but not in a nice, familiar way. And when you realise that the reason you're not attracted to him is because he doesn't have the familiar ice-blue irises, pale skin, and bald head, it scares you more than Atreides' sudden proximity to you.

"I'm glad I didn't disappoint you, Atreides." You whisper, moving away from him. You quickly lean in, wanting to bite, or preferably bite off, his finger that was caressing your skin, but he withdraws his hand and takes a step away from you. He laughs at your feeble attempt to harm him.

He opens his mouth to say something, but then the ground around you starts shaking. The sand rock crumbles, causing some of it to fall from the ceiling onto the ground. Atreides looks at you suspiciously.

"Didn't you see it in your visions? Maybe there's a sandworm crawling through your halls?" You ask mockingly, shrugging your shoulders.

"Stay here." He commands you using the voice. He doesn't spare you a second glance, simply heading for the exit. You look at him in disbelief and quickly follow him. The last thing you want is to get buried in one of these rats' corridors because one of them summoned a sandworm in the wrong way.

"I could be of much more use to you there than here." You say, as you are catching up with him, desperately trying to convince him.

"Not if these are Harkonnens!" He replies without looking back and slamming the door shut. You kick them in rage, looking around angrily at the large hall where he left you.

"That's the point…" You sigh, fed up with it all. You walk around the room, trying to find a way out, but even when you manage to find the side passages, you can't take a step beyond the threshold. You are forced to stay inside. "Fucking Atreides."

Instead of wandering aimlessly around the room, you decide to try and break the shackles that bind your hands. You try to smash them against the stalagmite, only to hit harder as the metal cuts into your wrists. After a while, when you have released all your anger, you somehow manage to free your hands. You rub your wrists, letting your blood soak into the sleeve of your linen shirt. You close your eyes and listen to the quiet sound of the water and the footsteps you hear from the upper floors. Something is happening...

Frustrated, you wander over to the pool filled with water. You crouch on the edge and dip your toes in the water. You watch the drops fall, wondering how many people have already given their lives. How many died at the hands of the Harkonnens? You wonder whether your water and blood will also join the ranks of their victims. It seems surreal to you now that Feyd could ever kill you or your own son... but how were you supposed to know what your future was supposed to be? Were you supposed to trust some strange visions or yourself?

While playing with water, you freeze when you suddenly see someone leaning over you. Before you can turn around, a hand covers your mouth, and another wraps around your waist, lifting you up. You scream and kick, trying to get out of someone's tight grip, but your attempts to break free are futile. You freeze when you hear a familiar, raspy voice whisper in your ear.

"Don't worry, it's me. It's just me. Shhh… You're safe. It's me." You relax a little in his arms. You reach your hand up to his and remove it from your mouth. He loosens his grip enough for you to turn in his arms.

"Feyd." You sigh when you see his face. You throw your arms around him and nuzzle your face into his neck. You rest your chin on his shoulder and breathe in his scent as you hold onto him tightly.

You hear him breathe a sigh of relief as well. He places a kiss on the top of your head and hugs you tighter. After a moment, he pulls away from you—not too far away, only a bit—so he can look at your face and see if you have any injuries.

"You're getting out of here. Our men are hidden in every corridor of this hole. Take a few of them and go to the exit. They will take you to the ship. Wait for me there." He gently cups your cheeks in his hands and forces you to look into his eyes. Your heart beats faster as you recognise that concerned look in his eyes from your dream, mixed with anger. "Y/N. I mean it. I know you want to fight; you're brave and a great warrior, but do it for me and just go to that damn ship."

"No. Wait, listen to me. I have to tell you something..."

"You'll tell me you love me later, now you have to get out of here, so I can destroy this place." He interrupts you, gently pushing you towards the exit. You feel anger and frustration building within you as yet another person tries to control you and tell you what to do. No matter how sweet and protective Feyd is acting now, you are fed up with constantly obeying everyone around you.

"Stop!" You shout at him, making him stop in his tracks in shock. Under any other circumstances, you would laugh at the surprised look he gives you, but not now. "Do you trust me?" You ask, looking at him expectantly. You know you're asking a lot of him right now, but if you're going to change your future, you have to act now. And fast. Very fast.

"Y/N this isn't the best…"

"Do you trust me?!" You interrupt him, raising your voice. He must see the desperation and seriousness in your eyes because you see him swallow, considering the question you've asked him. You unconsciously hold your breath, waiting for him to respond.

You both know this isn't an ordinary question. It means something more. Admitting something you both had been avoiding since the first day your blades met in a little skirmish that earned you his sympathy. He had long admired you for your mind, intelligence, ingenuity, cunning, and natural charm. But could he trust you completely?

"I… I do. If I trust anyone, it's you. Only you."

You feel tears welling up in your eyes. You take a step towards him, cupping his cheek in your hand and kissing him. He tenses in surprise but kisses you back pretty quickly, moaning into your mouth as you express all the passion and desire you feel for him. He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer to him, wanting to feel your body against his to make sure this isn't some dream. You caress the skin of his neck, shuddering as an electric shiver runs through you as he deepens the kiss, taking everything you have to offer him.

Kissing Feyd always felt like it was the first kiss between the two of you. He kissed like he fought—with his whole being, not holding back, transmitting all his passion and desire. He didn't even know how much you needed to taste all of him right now. And how bittersweet that kiss was for you.

You reluctantly pull away from him and press your forehead against his. You close your eyes, letting out a shaky breath.

"I love you, Feyd. I have always loved you. And I was very afraid of it, but I'm not anymore... I... I don't want to be scared of this anymore." You admit it as a single tear falls from your eyes. He reaches to wipe it off, but you shake your head. His hand freezes, hanging between you as he stares at you in shock, trying to process what you said.

Just as he's about to open his mouth, probably to tell you the same thing, you lean in and kiss him again. Slower, more gentle. A few tears escape you, allowing you both to taste them through the kiss.

You reach for the sword attached to his waist with trembling hands.

"I'm so sorry. But it's not our time yet." You whisper, moving away from him just as Paul Atreides returns to the room. He slowly walks towards you, his sword dripping with black Harkonnen blood. And you decide that if anyone spills blood in this room, it will be you. It must be you.

So when Paul is about to approach you and stab Feyd in the back, you close your eyes and stab Feyd with his sword. You hear him let out a shaky breath as his black blood slowly seeps from the wound, staining your hands. You keep your other hand on his shoulder, supporting his weight as he slowly sinks to his knees in front of you. You try to ignore him, not look at him or in his eyes... you simply cannot. Instead, you stare at Atreides.

Paul is beyond shocked by your actions. He looks for a moment at Feyd's black sword, the tip sticking out of his back—proof of what you did. After a moment, his eyes meet yours. After a while, he approaches you, sheathes his sword, and smiles proudly.

"This will be the beginning of a wonderful alliance, Lady Y/N." He says this, offering you his hand, which you reach for. You shake them, glaring at each other, assessing each other's behaviour as a new agreement forms between you.

You smile, hiding your fear as best as you can and holding back tears when you see Feyd's unconscious body out of the corner of your eye. But you've come too far to change your mind. From now on, you decide your fate.

Only you.

To be continued...

Taglist: (I REALLLLY hope that everyone who wanted to be here is here...😅 I;m sorry if I missed someone <3) @skymoonandstardust @prettybubblesintheair @thegabbyh @himesuedi @wo-ming-bai @beebeechaos @mamawiggers1980 @moonsoulk @avidreader73 @heartarianagran @dreamlandcreations @ancientbeing10 @lovereadingfanfic @jeansjoie @workof-a-rr-t @aixicl @ladyredstar1991 @evangelineimagine @hobobobo-fett56 @happyant3 @marsflys @aaaaaamond @kamcrazy123 @k1swass @yum-yahgurt @tyns13 @oh-you-mean-me @menari @tyns13 @vaf24 @dacreshoney @emrennoll-blog @tian-monique @slightlypossessed @celestialadrift @lauramooij05 @flaps200 @chixnugg22 @aaaaaamond @marvelfangirl04 @sw33tsnow @emeraldsgirl @imyourbubblegumpop @tempt-ress @harkonnin @k1swass @alana4610 @cloudroomblog @lotus-888 @lowlyloved @spoolsofgreenspoolsofblack @w3ird11 @kythefangirl25 @hobobobo-fett56 @nj452896 @oneandonlybbygrl @noirecatt @iloved1lfs0 @mamawiggers1980 @lololfixu @barnes70stark @obsessedvibee @aaaaaamond @workof-a-rr-t 

[katebvsh]

What do you do when you feel like cold spiritually, I mean, when you feel a little bit like numb and unable to feel strong emotions, what you will recommend to re-cover the flame, the passion, the interest, the will in things? I feel not depressed but I feel definitely very cold since like a few months and i think is because life push me finally into the circumstances that let me break definitely a like 8 years of limerenece attachment. Now I feel very liberated from many many forms of pain and angst that had been haunting me all this years, but without them I feel like my will and passion had gone too. I don't know. I ask you because I had asked u before about things related with limerence, but if you think is too personal or complicated to give and alive I totally understand. I just can't talk about this kind of mental feeling with anyone in my rl. Have a good day, and as always sorry my english.

Hello anon! Thanks for taking the time to write to me 💕

I’m going to give you a short “general” answer for this. I tried writing down my own personal experiences and it quickly turned into a small novella. If you’re interested in that send me another anon and I’ll include it separately. Or send me a message off anon.

As always, I am not a therapist or psychiatrist so this cannot be taken as a replacement for professional assistance.

1. Make sure you have starved any source of limerent reinforcement. None of this will work if you don’t. Also be careful as you might get reinforcement through indirect means (ex supernatural or magical thinking which can encourage obsessive tendencies). You need to practice self awareness…catch yourself thinking about LO, accept and recognize that you are thinking about LO, forgive yourself and redirect yourself into a more positive activity. You can’t have passion for anything if a tiny part of you is still keeping the door ajar for LO to waltz in.

2. Try to ground yourself in physical reality in healthy ways ex exercise, hobbies, crafts ect. Derive meaning in your life through multiple aspects (eg family, work, friends, hobbies) Have both healthy long term and short term goals. You need to do this even if it feels mechanical and forced at first.

3. Work on your self esteem, focus on you and try to work on understanding what happened, why it happened and the role you actively played in it. Then think of where you have turned things around to your benefit, how you are changing and becoming a better version of yourself.

4. Have reasonable expectations for yourself. Recovery is going to take time, months most definitely, potentially even years. You are in a psychologically vulnerable state rn because you’ve essentially given up the true source of meaning in your life for the past 8 years. Limerence forces you to push yourself and your identity aside (and by extension family, friends and anything that made you truly happy) for the sake of maintaining a singular obsession. You’ll have to slowly rebuild yourself over time while incorporating the limerent period into your life narrative in a realistic but also forgiving way.

The numb feeling is pretty much because you are emotionally drained. It will slowly pass. Essentially force yourself into activities that are positive, even if you feel like a robot or soulless animal while doing them. In the meantime you need to slowly confront the reality of what happened and the role you played in it. How did I get here? Where did I learn to chase love? It has to be processed emotionally AND rationally. If you don’t confront the emotions or the reality of the situation you’ll be stuck. Also try to reach out to friends and family. You need to find ways to accept meaningful love to replace something imaginary.

Let me know if you want the more personal version. I can describe certain thought patterns I remember going though my head. The emotions you will need to confront and resolve include shame, guilt, resentment towards LO and eventually regret that will make you want to reconnect. Acknowledge the emotion when it eventually does surface, understand and accept it with love. Do not identify with and see yourself through these feelings. They are states of mind that are ultimately temporary

In terms of content I would suggest crappy childhood fairy’s videos. They can have some very good advice. I have also attached some articles.

I wish you the best and thank you for reaching out to me 💕

[saintobio]

HIII!!! i didn't get to send my reactions to ch 1 cuz the ask box was closed but here!!!

The next hit of this chain reaction was the paparazzi and their duty to stick their nose into your business because the whole country was interested to hear about your runaway bride moment and your ex-husband’s coincidental car crash.

soooo im guessing they didn't go through with the marriage?

You were nothing more than a bystander to the celebrity whose private life was not respected in exchange for satisfying the world’s curiosity.

omg u whores, fuck off

“Come on, Y/N. Don’t you love the attention?”

what the fuck kind of question is that omfg leave her aloneee

“Oh my God! Miss Y/N, are you okay?” It was your intern, Nobara Kugisaki, who approached you at the reception area where you were visibly catching your breath. “You should’ve asked me to go to Subway instead.”

OMG NOBARA AAAAAJAJSJSJSJKAJAJSJSJSJSJ

It was bad enough that you had a weak heart, but you could never heal from the pain if anything gravely awful ever happened to your son.

I find this ironic cuz like... gojo thought something awful DID happen to his son so he tried to k!ll himself ://

He would. You knew he would understand and that was the saddest part of it. Toji was also human and he had the right to feel upset with you when you were the one at fault.

i feel so bad for toji omg ive been in the "always understanding" side of the relationship and damn, it is draining asf

Sachiro running to meet you at the foyer was a breath of fresh air. How could someone so small create an impact that was actually big? It was like all your problems would disappear the moment you saw his smile and your heart just wouldn’t cease from jumping as your toddler looked up at you with his cerulean eyes.

OMG AAAAAAAJAHSBSHSHSHHS HE'S SO CUTEEEEEE <33

Eyes that reminded you of your very first love.

)):

You were never proud of the way you handled things back then, but it was futile to mull over something you couldn’t simply erase. Like Gojou, you were only human. You let your emotions and trauma get the best out of you (or the worst, in this case). What you could do was to hope for the best and work on co-parenting with your ex-husband for the sake of your only son. However, before all of that could happen, Satoru must first be in good health.

my girl y/n deserves the WHOLE WORLD. anyone thinks otherwise are simply wrong ((:

Luckily for you, Sachiro was a true angel in disguise. He was a cheerful baby with lesser-than-normal tantrums and so he carried no form of resentment to a father he was yet to meet. In fact, he had always been enthusiastic at the sight of Satoru’s pictures or at the stories that Nina would tell him about her ‘cool and handsome’ uncle. While your baby may have gotten his physical looks from your ex-husband, he certainly inherited your soft-hearted personality. He was so easy to please that even the little things could paint a contagious smile on his chubby face.

HELP PLS IM TEARING UPPP T__T

His maturity was so admirable that hurting him would have the pain bounce back to you tenfold.

omg nooo i can already see it happening plsjsjjss nooooksksjsjsjsjs

It was Satoru’s mother.

OMG IM SCARED IM NERVOUS HELPPKSKSKSJSJS

“We'll be accepting visitors soon. If you even care enough to see him, you can go tomorrow.”

I BETTER NOT SEE PEOPLE HATING ON MOMJO. she was a mother who had to watch her son try to kill himself repeatedly for years bcs satoru thought his kid was gone. you could understand that she'd have a bit of resentment towards y/n. or that she's simply exhausted. or both.

You were once on top of that scale where you had to endure living in a loveless marriage that destroyed your femininity as a whole.

y/n is honestly so damm strong for still holding on after everything she's been through. at this point, it doesn't even matter if her & gojo end up together. id be good with it as long as they're both happy.

You realized that Sachiro was having difficulty processing the image of his father for the first time, especially not while he was unconscious in a hospital bed. He kept his distance from him as if afraid that the stranger could harm him even in his sleep, and you felt bad that you were responsible for the reaction he was showing towards his own paternal figure.

no omggg )): im crying fuuuuxkkkkkkaksnnsjsjs satoru literally wanted to raise his kid properly and for his son not to fear him or anything even similar to that. this shit breaks my heart omg AAAAAAAAAA

"Dada, wake up."

SCREAMING AND CRYING AND SHITTING TEARS. FUXKKKKK IM BAWLING IM LITERALLY UGLY CRYING RIGHT NOW

“I just wanted to check on him…” Your gaze trailed off to his bed, noticing how Suguru and Shoko were on the couch staring at you. While the latter was looking at you worriedly, her fiancé was sending sharp glares your way. “I’m sorry if I interrupted anything—”

SUGURU NOOOOSJSJSJ PLS DONT HATE US OMG 😭😭😭😭

Getou denied it albeit drowning in both remorse and a misguided sense of anger. “No, I wasn’t.” He sent Ieiri a questioning look. “I can’t believe you’d fucking side with her instead of our best friend. You lied to all of us!”

OK FUCK IM SORRY BITCH BUT THIS WHOLE SCENE IS JUST FUXKKKKK OMG AAAAAA

“Wife…”

BOI WHAT WAIT OMG I HAVEN'T PROCESSED THESE THINGS YET GIVE ME A SECOND AAAAAKANSKSJAJAJAKA

“My wife.” He had all of you at a loss for words while his eyes only searched for the woman he believed he still loved. “Let’s go home.”

*jadeos en español*

Ok but on a serious note, I seriously think we shouldn't be pointing the blame on ANYONE, especially on Momjo (and Getou, for that matter). Sure, she has no right to say she'll take Sachiro from Y/N, but you also have to remember that she had to watch her son try to commit suicide repeatedly for YEARS. She has every right to resent Y/N, and I'm sure she won't actually pull through with the taking Sachiro thing. I really do think we need to stay neutral in all this because no one is fully in the wrong. Everyone made and will make mistakes as they go, we have to try to see things from everyone perspective.

And you slayed again Saint!!! <333 pls make sure ur getting enough sleep, food, rest & time for urself. Also, can I please be "💟" anon?

this makes me imagine how sn/sy chapters would look like if tumblr had that comment option like wattpad 😹 thank u for taking the time to send ur reactions anon !! they were very entertaining to read :D

[lovemxnot]

Worth the burn | Hwang Hyunjin

Firebender! Hyunjin x Avatar! Reader

Letters burned the scroll in your hand, reassuring words etched on them, scorching their presences into it.

“The city is great, they greeted me with much fanfare, and I’ve been having fun with Hyunjin and the others, like old times.

I feel more like myself than ever. Don't worry about me, mom and dad, I'm fine. I feel like I'm truly, finally healing.”

A pang of guilt surged through you, but you shoved it away, ignoring its lingering presence. Sealing the envelope, you gave it to the man standing impatiently next to you.

“The fire nation, I’m assuming?” He sighed, Referring to all the past letters you have sent.

“Wouldn’t bet otherwise.”

You were healing, perhaps not the same way you had mentioned in all of your letters, filled with nothing but the pure lies, but you were searching for a way- a way to forget, forgive, and move past what was done to you.

Forgiveness never came easy to you. Everyone around you pestered you into accepting the situation that you may never be the same avatar you used to be. But they had no idea what you were going through; no one did- after all, you were the only avatar alive.

It was humiliating how every day, you got up to move only for your legs to fail you despite daily visits to the most skilled healers.

At one point, you had hope, you could feel your legs again, and day by day, you were getting better until eventually, you learned how to walk again, but it all crashed once you tried combating and could barely throw a punch without images flashing, looming shadows engulfing your vision, sending you straight back square one, flashbacks so strikingly vivid it made you quiver down in terror. You were so ashamed, felt so weak and... helpless. How the once-great avatar’s mind turned against her becoming her gravest nightmare.

But You’ve had enough of wallowing in self-pity. You left your parent’s home, leaving the fire nation to sail to republic city, the city where your nightmare was born, the city where your friends reside, in hopes of confronting your fears and healing. And that was truly your plan, but it went astray.

“The match starts in five minutes, move to the ring,” the announcer reminded you.

You pulled yourself out of your head, wrapping the bandages tighter on your hands. Getting ready for your next match. You can feel the ground shake. The roars of the people at the stands pump your blood.

Today’s opponent was a new one. Never heard of it before; fresh meat. New to the game, alas, putting you at a disadvantage as you knew nothing of them or their bending element. Hopefully, it's not another lava bender. Those injuries of that fight alone had another nightmare simmering in the process.

And although you've mastered all four elements, you choose to fight with the one you were naturally born with-fire.

You stood behind the metal door, secluding you from the ring, hands going up to position, feet grounded, breathing in, then out. It wasn’t your first match, but it always feels like it is, no matter how many times you tried to nerve up.

As soon as the bell sounded, the doors slid open you shot a belt of fire to where you knew your opponent stood. Hoping to catch them by surprise.

Your opponent, on the other hand, skillfully blocked your advances while remaining idle in his place, silky red hood up- the signature of the fire nation, hair covering his eyes, shadowes concealing most of his face.

“What's wrong pretty boy? Afraid to fight?” You baited. The crowd's yelling got louder. They loved it when opponents ridicule each other. You surged another blast of fire their way, but they, once again, blocked it as if they already knew your next move.

“Come on, you know you gotta use your hands to fight, right?”

Nothing.

“Here, let me help” you looped a hoop of fire around their hands - or at least tried to before they counterfeited the attack and sent you flying. Body slamming the jagged wall with a thack that pales compared to thunder. But you were used to it by now.

“Alright, now you want to play, pretty boy? "

Using the tiniest amount of airforce, you air bended your way to them faster than they could blink and attacked. But all you were met with was hands blocking your every move.

Their movements were so familiar to you, you obstructed all of their attacks just as well as they blocked yours. It was more of a dance than a fight at this point, every move mirroring the others.

There was only one person that knew you that well. and oh god, did you wish you were wrong about this.

The red streak you glimpsed on his cheek supported your thoughts even more. There was only one person you knew that had that scar. A harsh exhale - laced with a little bit of airbending- blew his hood off, revealing what you wished was not true.

The tiny breeze blew his dark locks out of his face. Giving you a glimpse of his face.

No.

No. No way.

You knew those dark locks. You've run your hands through them enough times to know how they feel even without touching them.

"Hello Y/N"

“Hyunjin...? what are u doing here?!” You knew someday you might run into one of the figures of your past. It was inevitable after all, but not this soon and definitely not him.

“Why, when I heard the avatars look-alike was fighting in underground battles of the lower rinks of basingse I just had to come and get a glimpse myself!” Mockery slid fluidly through his sly smile, “and would you look at that? You do look like her! If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought it was you.”

He was furious, you could tell, even though he masked it with amusement in his voice. To the average eyes, it looked like nothing other than two old friends reconciling. But to you, you knew his blood was boiling by the crinkles of his eyes, the air so thick between you that even airbending it wouldn't help,

Hyunjin was your childhood best friend, and your firebending mentor's son.... and boyfriend. Well, technically, your ex-boyfriend now, seeing as you disappeared on him after the incident, didn't write any letters back for the past year letting him knew you were still breathing.

“Get out of here, I'm not going to fight you” you let your arms rest, blood running cold, fire distinguishing from you. Back turned, you head back outside the arena. You can faintly hear the crowds gasp in shock over the thoughts running in your head. Speaking of your head, it almost got completely scorched with a blast of fire sent your way had you not sensed it early enough and twisted on your hands to get out of its reach.

“Oh no, you don’t. You don’t get to run away. Not again ” He was heaving. He hadn’t moved a step, but he was seething. Another burst after burst was shot at you. “I waited a year y/n! " Oh, how you longed to hear him call your name for so long, but not when he was saying it out of resentment "a whole year just to hear something- anything from you! “

“Hyunjin- stop. I'm not going to fight yo-“

“I. spent. Two. Months. Searching. For .you” fire punctuating every word.

“ Hyunjin i-"

“I thought you were dead !” He punctuated with a blast. This one was charged with so much grievance that the fire was a searing blue. You were not as lucky as before at dodging it, mind catching on to the malice dripping from his voice. Had you not been burned, you would have noticed the tears welling up his eyes.

“Ah,” you hissed in pain.

“You never wrote me back!! But you wrote to Felix?!”

Felix was a mutual friend of yours. A non-bender that you’ve always been very fond of. A younger brother you never had.

“I didn’t know what to say!” You fired back this time, making it his turn to dodge, body ablaze with so much heat you felt it coming out of every limb.

“A simple ‘ hey I'm still alive, by the way, I want to break up with you’ would’ve done!”

“That's the avatar?” “ no way” “ they have a bounty for her head” the mob outside the arena started to murmur, but none of it registered with you.

“ i - I couldn't.....” your resolve faltered, arms dropping. Forgetting completely about the stupid match and the bystanders.

“But you could ghost me for A YEAR and three months?” He scoffed, “ not that I was counting or anything.” He added sneeringly.

“Ever thought I didn’t want to be found?” You snapped back. You had no right to at all. But it just... everything made you snap after the incident. Blame it on insomnia or the delusion or whatever, be it. It drove you crazy. Everything irked you, the sounds of footsteps, the numb feeling you would get in your legs sometimes, the breathing of the person standing next to you- everything aggravated you, you felt your resolve holding on to a thin thread.

Hyunjin, filled with so much fury, lashed on you once again. This time you blocked it, but it drove you roughly back into the unpolished wall. A rock that was jutted out of the wall struck you exactly where you were terribly injured in the attack that incapacitated you. A jolt of electricity crept through your body.

Pictures, more vivid than ever played before your eyes, legs feeling numb, horror swimming in your blood next to the burn of lighting that struck you. Body lying limp, you felt soft hands reach for your face.

“Y/N!” It was the same.

All the same.

You pushed Hyunjin out of shot, and it struck you midair.

The same face that found you after being utterly destroyed, peering over you, with terror and tears etched so deeply in his scarred face.

“ I'm sorry. I’m sorry,” he kept repeating like a mantra, hugging your figure closer, face resting in your neck.

“Please,” he sobbed, “ come back to me.”

Everything was foggy. Was it your eyes or the arena? You had no clue over the video looping in your head.

Lighting, as beautiful as it was, struck you so hard, slipping so gracefully out of your opponent’s fingers, dancing in your nerves, jolting your heart to a stop.

" I'm here." A soft voice pierced through the fog, glints of black and red becoming clearer the more the voice spoke. "I'm always here."

Hyunjin’s pained scream filled your ear” No, No, Chan- please do something! Heal her !”

“I can't lose you again, Y/N.”

Deep brown eyes broke through the fog, followed slowly by the rest of his figure. Hyunjin. That was hyunjin talking to you. The boy you were madly in love with. The boy that never gave up on you. Your eyes welled up seeing him so close- feeling him up so close again.

Fingers softly held your cheeks, your own clenching onto his silky red robe. He didn’t have to speak; his eyes spoke a thousand words. You hid from them in his neck.

"I didn't want you to see me like this," you mumbled into him, tears spilling.

His arms wrapped tighter around you, afraid you’d slip right through if he loosened an inch.

“Let’s go home.”

He didn't need to take you anywhere because right now, you felt more at home than ever.

[romionarry]

in all fairness to harry my guy ron does send some extremely mixed signals about his opinion on the idea of harry and ginny as a couple. its honestly baffling let me summarise it for you guys ⬇️

he despises every single boyfriend of ginny's who isn't harry so one must assume he can't imagine a better boyfriend for her than harry. he basically verbalises this in book 6. but when harry starts dating ginny he gets annoyed when they actually act like a couple. it can’t be resentment due to his own lack of relationship anymore since lavender spent all year glued to him and he’s glad that’s over. also when he catches harry+ginny together after their breakup he's super pissed off but at the same time he did literally just gift harry that book about how to charm witches. even tho he KNEW harry was going to be on that horcrux hunt for the foreseeable future with only ron and hermione…. like dont you normally gift ppl things that they have some use for?? in the foreseeable future?? also presumably harry no longer needs to 'charm' ginny as she's already in love with him. So erm. who does ron want harry to charm exactly? i doubt ron thought it through that much but it is funny how ron honestly cannot seem to decide what he wants harry to do….

like im prefacing this with an obligatory statement that i can hardly pretend a sophisticated thought process was happening during any of this but ill give u my 2 cents abt what went on in that head of his anyway. so we have a couple of facts here. ron clearly wants harry to become part of the weasley clan. ron also feels like ginny has bad taste in men whenever shes dating ppl other than harry. ron then concludes the ideal solution to this must be harry and ginny dating. ron then finds that for some inexplicable reason it's annoying to see harry and ginny actually date. ron can't imagine a better boyfriend than harry and ron also feels conflicted about harry dating his sister. curious indeed. what puzzle piece could we be missing 🤔

the only half acceptable explanation for this behaviour that doesn’t boil down to ‘ron is in love with harry’ is maybe that it’s just lowkey disgusting to be forced to think of a sibling having any sort of. well. sexual relations which… fair and also same. esp if it’s with your friend. but clearly harry and ginny were nowhere near that stage so it leaves me to wonder why ron’s mind would even Go There of its own accord. Does he perhaps not need much prompting to think of harry in such a way. … ?

(i could also say ron doesn’t seem to mind knowing any of his other siblings have relationships but i honestly think that might just be due to a mix of ginny being younger than him and also just erm. a bit of misogyny.) anyway back to ronarry you guys ron is well and truly obsessed with his bestie….

it’s very funny how harry spends most of book 6 actively convinced that ron will murder him for having a crush on ginny meanwhile ron has been all but begging ginny to choose harry since at least book 5 like ron wants harry to become a weasley so so bad. and i know another way in which ron could make that happen but alas these kids are blind to many things

[starkidpotty]

The Good Side [DLM]

You and Draco lament on what could’ve been and what would’ve been fun had things been different. 

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader 

Words: ~2.1k

A/N: I took a lot of liberties writing Draco out, so I’m sorry if the characterization is a little whack. (any draco writers out there...advice is welcome pls message huhu) i hope u guys enjoy it nonetheless <3 

The sun beat down on the northern part of Diagon Alley that day. It was the transitional period between summer and spring, where the weather hit just the right spot and everyone was out to enjoy their time. It was quite the contrast to what you and Draco had come to discuss at Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Shop.

Draco was sat across from you, people-watching while scooping up his raspberry ice cream. You decided against ice cream that day, with your hands folded gracefully on your lap. You and he would occasionally steal glances at each other, trying to urge each other to start the conversation. Whether it was pride or shyness that hindered you two from talking, you were not sure. The heat was starting to get to you, as you were now starting to get annoyed with the silence you two didn’t need to share. 

“How’s the MACUSA and Ministry effort?” Draco starts, as though he were aware of the irritation building inside you. He was always one step ahead of you, a skill he still proved to have been proficient at even though it had been years after you two parted ways. 

“Same old, same old–only I spearhead it now.” You answer him quite proudly. He stops picking at his ice cream to flash a smile your way. 

“I always told you’d  get it, didn’t I? The Ministry would be fools to let such talent go to waste.” 

A heavy pause blankets you both. The air between you two was a tripe mixture of nostalgia and despondency. As uncomfortable as it was, neither of you made moves to fuel the conversation further. Draco picks at his cup again, and you fixate on a wizard carrying a stack of books making his way out of Flourish and Blott’s. 

You take a deep breath in, “Alright, I think it’s time to save us the awkwardness, yeah?” 

Draco puts down his ice cream cup, turning his body and chair to face you. He perches his folded hands on the table and looks at you intently. Your body is still facing the street the ice cream shop overlooks, but your head is turned to look back at him. 

“I need the ring back.” He states his purpose simply. 

“Then, you’ll get it back. Need not worry, Draco.” You grab your purse and shuffle through its contents until you finally palm the velvet ring box. You gently place the box on the table. 

“Perfect.” Draco says to you, as he opens the ring box, examining the emerald ring inside. 

“When are you planning on asking Astoria?” You ask Draco, trying to make your tone as neutral as possible. 

“All I can say is soon. I just know I’m going to marry her.” 

You won’t lie to yourself and say that there isn’t a small part of you that finds this deeply saddening. Draco and your’s relationship was good, to say the least–as good as it gets as childhood acquaintances to Slytherin housemates to lovers. All firsts were shared with each other: first kiss, first time, first I love you’s. You watched him as he received the Dark mark, held his hand through Lucius’ trial after the war, and watched each other in the early stages of your respective careers. It wasn’t the beginning and middle that was terrible so much as the end. There was never any big event that had caused either of you to fall out of love. There was no third party, no betrayal, no selfishness, no greed. It was quiet–that was the best way you could describe it–the ending crept up on the both of you, sleeping on your chests until the weight became too heavy to shudder away. You looked at each other and no longer sought each other out in the future. The breakup itself was amicable and neutral, with the both of you accepting that you had merely outgrown each other, despite having grown together. On some nights, imagining what could’ve been sent you down two paths, where you either resented each other or fell back in together. It bothers you sometimes to think of the latter, but you know well enough it was going to be the former. 

You smile sweetly at Draco in response, looking back down at your hands as you were at a loss for words. 

“I’m glad you found someone, I really am.” You say as you finally unknot the tie your tongue was in.

Draco looks around, as though making sure no one would be able to hear the next sentence to fall out of his mouth.  “D’you ever think we could’ve made it to that point?” 

“You did propose to me, hence why we’re here.” You chuckle lightly and continue, “but, I think we would’ve grown to hate each other, if I’m being honest, Draco.” 

Draco squints to look up at the sun, trying to muster a response. 

You look back at him with your mouth twisted into a half-smile, brows furrowed, mildly amused that he asked. He finally turns to you and catches your expression, making him smile slightly. 

“Why do you think that?” Draco asks you intently. 

“Well, I think we just became different people. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.” 

One of the things Draco had to learn was choosing his words carefully before speaking them. He was never keen on being heedful with what he’d say, as evidenced by his formative years at Hogwarts, even when he was talking to you. However, his early years in litigation forced him to catch his tongue before it made any unfavorable comment on stakeholders during a trial. His eyes were shut in deep concentration, trying to map out what to say next to you. 

“What happened between us?” Draco asks you. “I still ask myself that a lot sometimes. Not for anything, but it’s just hard for me to understand. It just happened upon us, quickly too might I add.” 

You take a few moments to ponder, to craft out your dialogue, “It wasn’t that anything happened, Draco. It was moreso that nothing happened at all.”

“Did we grow to hate each other, is that it?” Draco tries hard to hide his classic schoolboy sneer, but fails. 

“Draco, I could never hate you. You of all people should know that.” You huff out, suddenly frustrated at his tone. 

“Sorry, [Y/N], that didn’t come out quite right.” 

“S’alright, I understand.” 

Draco curses himself for the drastic change in mood, he didn’t mean for it to happen. 

“It’s just strange to think, I suppose.” He asks again, more careful now with his tone.

“What is?” You turn your head to face him. Suddenly, the years you spent apart are splayed on his face in developing forehead wrinkles and tired eyes. You are studying the new features on his face intently, making sure that this is the Draco you had spent more than two decades with. 

“Weren’t we always sure of what was to come to both of us? As though we had so much control over the next few years of our lives?” 

You breathe in and close your eyes before you answer. In a flash, you are taken back to nights spent in the Slytherin common room, talking hypothetical situations with Draco–what you’d do if in the event the hospital made a mistake and you were having twins instead of one child, what if you became a quidditch star and he your number #1 fan instead of working for the Ministry, what if you both ran off to an island off the coast of Greece and raised sheep and never came back? 

You reply to him solemnly, “I think the universe is funny that way, don’t you think?” 

“Merlin, you sound like you belong with the quacks in the Department of Mysteries.” 

“Shut up, it’s a saying muggles like to parrot, thought it would go nicely with the tone of conversation.” 

Draco pauses and continues, “Didn’t we always have our own sense of time? That extended into our plans, who our hypothetical kids would be. It’s insane to me how that changed so fast,” 

“I agree.” You tell him, “We were supposed to marry each other, for Merlin’s sake!” 

Draco sighs, looking off to the side. 

You never held any ill-intent with how you and Draco ended, but now you realize that was just you. Not once had you considered that he was hurting more than you due to the peaceful nature of the breakup. It was criminally naive of you to have thought Draco was just as at peace as you after ending a decade-long relationship. 

“Well, do you hate me, Draco?” You ask him at your realization. 

“More than 10 years together and, what? Four years apart, you think I could hate you?” Draco asks you, almost offended at your question. “You know the answer to that, [Y/N].”

“Were you ever angry at me? For how,” You pause trying to look for the term to best describe, “calm I was when I told you I wanted to leave?”

Draco’s practiced this conversation so many times in his head, but he still takes a moment to process the words he wants to use to convey his emotions. “For a time, yes. I was angry with you. But not the kind of angry I usually am. It was an anger that made me question so many things.”

“I had just always thought time was an excellent indicator of a strong relationship, I mean, 10 years? Would you question it then? A decade? So, to put it simply, I was angry–angry that time wasn’t enough to salvage what we had. But, I think that was naivety talking. This is in no offense to you at all, I cherish our time together so much so. But, Astoria? It’s as right as anything, and not even time could tell me how to feel about her.” 

You look at Draco in awe, wondering when he had crossed the line from boy to man in the four years you spent apart. Draco was always smart, no doubt. But, this Draco sat in front of you–carefully choosing his words and explaining his emotions–it was entirely new. You reached over to hold Draco’s hand, but not in the way you and he would hold hands years ago. It was in an I’m proud of how far you’ve grown, type of way. Draco was taken aback, but understood quickly, always privy to your emotions, whether they were tacit or overt. He squeezed your hand back. 

“[Y/N], I need you to know that you are such a huge part of who I am today, I can never discount that. Ever.” Draco says to you, your hand still in his. “We’ve done so much good for each other, we really have.” 

“We really have, Draco. Astoria’s so lucky, she has to know that.” 

Draco’s famous smirk makes an appearance on his mouth, “I’m damn well sure she knows.” 

You throw your head back in laughter, letting go of his hand, “Merlin, there you are again–cocky boy from Slytherin.” 

“Cocky boy from the litigation department, I’d rather hear that.” 

You both laugh at each other like no time has passed. Like both of you were back in the Slytherin common room after bedtime talking about all the dumb things two teenagers thought were important at the time. You two catch up a little bit more, further detailing your efforts in dating and at the ministry (with the former being quite futile), and he diving into how he and Astoria came to be. You and Draco filled in the blanks from the last few years until the conversation boils down to a halt. You say your goodbyes, hugging each other, wishing each other well and walking toward opposite ends of Diagon Alley. 

As much as you thought this a heavy task to fulfill, you left the conversation with a light heart and even lighter shoulders. There is relief you haven’t felt since you left Draco. The relationship, as good as it was, was best left how it ended. No mourning, no lamenting could rewrite the ending or the years succeeding it in the same way no regret or guilt could change the years prior to it. All you knew was the good that you and Draco left in the spaces between you two. 

--

masterlist here | requests open

[dearcupidcandy]

Dear Demon FINALE ❤️ part 3

(Ik it’s long. Hope ya enjoy!)

💕 Again Visuals aren’t mine! Just helps with the story~

“I see you tried to steal my love....” Chisaki hissed. He released you from his kabedon as he turned to face the one who stole his love. You fell to the ground. Looking up at a very pissed demon Kai. Staring back down at you. His beak unhinged wider. Quickly flicking his eyes back to the angry demon slayer. “What’s with that look s l a y e r?” His glove quickly disingrated and he placed it on the ground. Making him drop the flowers onto the spikes he made out of the alleyway floor. He let out a echoing ‘tsk’. Tanjiro pulled one of his swords out from his back. “Nezuko!! Get Ms Y/n!” He screamed. You simply looked at the chaos around you. Shivering on the ground.

Was Kai really going to kill you?

He looked like he was.....but he wouldn’t-

Your eyes quickly went to your demon form boyfriend who stared at you with nothing but a nonchalant look. He calmly turned back towards you. The spikes had sent Tanjiro and Nezuko back quite a bit. Gave him time to try to talk with you. With the look in his eyes. You could tell he wasn’t pleased to see that guy with flowers in his hand. Shit. You where going to be overhauled.

“Care to explain Angel?” He said in a husky voice. “Why that 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮? 𝐎𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐥𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐈 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐝?” You could almost see the feathers spiking from his jacket. The black veins on his face growing bigger. “I- I didn’t know him!! I would never replace you!”

He glared at you. Enjoying your scared expression.

“My dear Y/n....” He said. Eyes turning back into their normal stance as he caresses your cheek.

“Y-y-Yes Kai?” You quickly responded before you saw a sword appearing from the side of your eyesight.

“𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬.” His eyes went wide and his pupils went small as he turned around and gripped the sword Tanjiro was suddenly attacking with. Holding onto it and hit him with full force.

Tanjiro was shot back towards the spike and his the side of one. You stood there in pure shock as he bit down Nezuko’s arm. And swung her towards her brother. Nezuko was bleeding badly. You remembered the pain in your chest when Kai’s clone bit a hole in you.

Tanjiro’s sword slid towards you. As Kai huffed and turned back towards you. You had already escaped and was running towards it. His black vains throbbing as his demon hand stretched towards you. You grabbed the handle before Overhauled towered over you. His eyes never breaking eye contact. His calm attitude was replaced with an insane amount of intimidation.

You let out a shriek before he gripped you by the collar. “Your mine... Angel... I don’t care how many people I have to kill.... 𝙄 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛......” You knew how determined Kai Chisaki was. Why couldn’t you live without this man? All you remember tears steaming down your face. You screamed his name before blacking out. Chisaki muttered something about ‘not even death can keep you away from me my dear Angel...’

God damn it... if only you weren’t so lovesick then....

𝘼 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙖𝙜𝙤:

“Sorry Y/n.... I just don’t see us working out... I’m sure you’ll find someone who will make you happy!” The black and green checkered boy smiled.

Your whole heart broke. Not only where you quirkless. But you also weren’t a demon slayer. You where lame. Normal. He wanted to break up with you on top of that. You felt useless.

You silently nodded and he asked if you where going to be okay. You faked a smile and told him you would be happy no matter what. It wasn’t any use trying to convince him otherwise.

That night. You went to a bar. Got drunk with a kid in a boar mask and was too drunk to even know where you where going. You slumped against a wall in the alleyway. You sat there a while and cried. Resenting Tanjiro for letting you loose from his warm and comforting arms.

“AUGGGhHhHhHh!!!!”

Anguished screams where coming not so far away from where you where. You saw a blood splatter under a lamppost as footsteps appeared infront of you. You where too drunk to be scared. A man with amber eyes was staring at you. A man with a white hood next to him. He hovered his hand on top of your head. Your drunk self purred at the contact. He flinched for a second still looking down at you.

You smiled back at him. Making his growl out his words. “What’s your quirk? A cat?” You let out a drunk laugh as they both started to back away. You wiped your eyes from your tears and looked up at them. “I’m quirkless!” You announced.

“Are you from the Corps?” The white hooded man spoke. Chisaki still just staring at you. Not sure what to do.

“No!” You burped. Letting out another chuckle. “I’m boring! That’s why he br-broke up with me!”

Chisaki scoffed and removed his gloves about to kill you off. “Then let me put you out your misery ms normal.” You laughed and grabbed his hand. Making his eye twitch as you used his hand to pull yourself closer to his face. Hives didn’t break out. Which scared both him and Chrono.

“You drunk B-.” Chisaki started before you crashed your lips onto his. He let it happen for a moment before he pushed you back against the wall. Trying to wipe the drunk smell off his mouth. “Heh heh.... your cuteeee~.” You booped his nose before fainting on the ground. Making both Chrono and especially Chisaki flustered.

You woke up on a bed. You slowly turned you eyes to Kai watching you. His eyes unrelenting to look anywhere else. You blinked again. Looking at the man crouching on the chair. Waiting for you to wake up. Once it had processed in your brain you weren’t at your apartment you looked inside the blankets making sure you where still clothed. You where. But you where in pajamas and smelled nicer. You screamed as Chisaki sat closer on the edge of the bed. “WHAT THE FU-.” You started before the man chuckled and gave you a pat on the head. “I’m Chisaki...he started...” He explained what happened. (Not mentioning the kiss), and smirked under his black dust mask as you blushed in embarrassment. “I’m so so sorry Chisaki s-San!! I’ll leave right away!!”

“I don’t mind.” You felt your hand being touched by gloved hands and made eye contact with his now happy amber eyes.

Your memories flooded back to you. Getting yourself to wake up quicker. His words feeling like a syringe with each word of obsession.

“I’ve grown a liking to you......Ms?”

“Oh! I’m Y/n!” U-um.... Y/N L/N!”

“I see...” He leaned into your now clean body and planted a kiss on your forehead. “I’m Kai Chisaki...it’s a pleasure...”

Your eyes opened with tears. How could we have been so innocent back then? Your body had been reassembled. You struggling to open your eyes as you saw Tanjiro and Nezuko fight Chisaki. But what broke you was seeing Tanjiro getting overhauled.

“TANJIRO-SAN!” You quickly spoke. Chisaki flinched as you finally spoke. The spikes where gone as he came up to you. His demon form ceased a little. Still having his sharp teeth. His persona had changed and he picked you up. Staring into your e/c eyes. “I’m so sorry my dearest Y/n....” Forgive me?” His voice lower than normal. You looked at Tanjiro who went so far as to make a face of empathy. Nezuko hiding behind him. “You can gain her forgiveness by leaving Overhaul...” Tanjiro spoke with venom in his words. Chisaki sent him an unhinged glare. 𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐏𝐒 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔- “Tanjiro’s eyes read that they regret breaking up with you. He was ready to die by Overhaul if that meant you were safe. He didn’t want you to be hurt because of him. But you knew he could never save you from Chisaki. You knew what you had to do.

“Tanjiro.... I’m sorry....” You quickly called to him. Making his eyes fill with horror. “Y/n... what are you...” You kissed the demon in front of you. He was caught off guard and accepted it. You had to save them from him. You where the thing that kept his sanity. You where going to protect this world.

He gasped out of the kiss. Going fully back to his original form. “Angel...-“ “I’ll stay with you... so please... spare them Kai...” He blushed at your words. He didn’t even say any words before he scooped you up bridal style and kept kissing you as he placed his hand on the ground. A wall appeared in front of Tanjiro and Nezuko. There screams where heard as he brought you up the stairs still embracing in a kiss.

“Y/N!!!! DOOOOoNNN’T!!!” You could feel his tears affecting you and you began to sob. Chisaki mistaking it for tears of joy. Smiling while you wrapped your arms around his neck. As the door closed. You saw Tanjiro stab his way through some of the rock. But barely getting there in time. You saw Chrono an the gang there ready to push them back more. Your teary eyes meeting Tanjiro’s as the door finally closed.

“I’ll love you forever Angel....” He said. Finally letting go of your lips.

If this kept the world safe. You’d gladly stay.

“I’ll always love you Kai...” Tears stained your face as he led you back to your shared bedroom. Hopefully they would be okay.

They had to be....

Hey you! Thanks for reading this! This was really fun to make! If you want more just ask ig lol! 💘

[acephysicskarkat]

Redemption, Forgiveness and She-Ra S5

So just to spite the anon who told me to stop posting my opinions, I’m gonna post another opinion!

This will contain spoilers for SPOP, Avatar: the Last Airbender, The Good Place, and Steven Universe.

So the most common take that I’ve heard about S5 from Catra stans is that it’s a story about redemption and forgiveness and that if I’m in any way critical of it then I’m saying abusers can never redeem themselves.

To which I say: the second part is a strawman argument, and the first part doesn’t help because it’s a bad story about redemption and forgiveness.

Part 1: Redemption

The problem with S5′s stories about redemption is that they are, universally, undercooked.  For things that the fanbase had been wanting for months, they’re surprisingly lacking in meaningful impact.

Catra’s is the least bad, because Catra is at least on-screen long enough to tell us that it seems to be sticking, but it’s still not good.  It’s rushed, it’s weightless, and it feels like they didn’t even check what she’d done in the past three seasons that she would need to find redemption for.

At no point does she meaningfully confront her actions (which, in case you’ve forgotten, ranged from bringing about the death of Queen Angella (S3E6), to repeated attempts to murder or permanently harm Adora (S1E11, S1E13, S2E5, S3E4-6, S4E3), to bullying Scorpia (present throughout but most obvious in S4E6), to taking part in a war crime (S4E8)), nor does she really confront the jealousy and spite that drove them.  Indeed, the episodes that could have been spent showing us her character development are spent showing us that she still has a very unhealthy attitude towards Adora (S5E6) and telling us that she underwent her character development offscreen, while we were distracted by Double Trouble (S5E8).

Hordak’s is even worse, because Catra at least admits she wronged people, even if the focus is put almost entirely on Catra feeling bad about it.  Hordak realises, accurately, that being made into a cog in a machine of conquest is bad (S5E13)...but he never makes the leap onscreen to it still being bad when he did it to other people, as he did to Adora and the other Horde kids (S2E7).  It treats Hordak’s decision to break free of Horde Prime as if it in and of itself makes him good, overlooking that the life he’s trying to go back to was the one where he ruled over an empire of stolen children.

I don’t even want to get into Shadow Weaver.

AtLA gave a compelling redemption arc to Zuko by having him confront the consequences of his actions.  SU gave a compelling redemption arc to Peridot by showing us, in great detail, her evolution from antagonist to ally.  SPOP just kinda tells us that characters are good now and expects that to work out okay.

And the really depressing thing is that both these characters actually could have sustained really compelling redemption arcs!  I would have loved to see Hordak meaningfully realise onscreen that the universe does not consist of him, Horde Prime, Imp, Entrapta, and a bunch of largely interchangeable pawns for him to treat as he sees fit.  I would have loved to see Catra wrestle with and overcome her resentment of Adora, maybe come to understand that being Shadow Weaver’s favourite fucking sucked actually.  The show just didn’t bother, and so what we got was on par with a bad fanfic or the backstory for a D&D character.

Part 2: Forgiveness

For my money, one of the best stories about forgiveness in modern media is in a third season episode of The Good Place called “A Fractured Inheritance”.

Explaining it with as few spoilers as possible, protagonist Eleanor Shellstrop discovers that her cartoonishly neglectful mother Donna faked her death and seems to have built a new life where she’s a good stepmother to a child.  Eleanor spends most of the episode convinced that her mother is running a scam, but eventually concludes that this does appear to be sticking and gives up her plan to reveal Donna’s secret, cautioning her not to go back to how she used to be.  At the end, she opens up to a friend about the trauma she sustained as a result of her upbringing.

SPOP could never.

"A Fractured Inheritance” tells a more compelling story about forgiveness in 15 minutes of screentime than she-Ra S5 managed in four and a half hours because The Good Place cares about Eleanor’s trauma.  It’s portrayed as pretty understandable that she has a grudge against her mother, and working through that takes time and sustained proof that Donna has changed.  More than that, forgiveness isn’t portrayed as a magical button that instantly solves Eleanor’s issues; just because she’s letting go of her anger towards Donna doesn’t mean that the harm she suffered as a result of Donna’s neglect goes away.  Her fear of opening up or being vulnerable, stemming from a childhood of constantly being shat on when she did, is still there, even after reconciling with her mother.

Contrast this to She-Ra S5.  The second Catra says she’s sorry, Adora is willing to forgive her and go across the universe to help her (S5E3), even though in their last interaction, back in S4E3, Adora actively tried to kill her for pretty darn compelling reasons (you may remember those reasons from S3E4-6).  Adora gets, like, a brief rant in S5E4 where she seems to be confused about this, but there’s never a point where she meaningfully seems to process the trauma she’s suffered as a result of Catra’s treatment of her, which we know has been toxic, controlling and unhealthy since they were kids (S5E3).

More than that, there’s never really a point where any of the people Catra victimised in the first four seasons gets to deal with that.  Glimmer seemingly never realises that Catra is why her mother is dead (S3E6), which is especially jarring given that the effects of Angella’s death on Glimmer drove the entire previous season; Entrapta barely remembers that Catra betrayed her and sent her to her presumed death (S5E6); Bow thinks someone who’s done nothing but attempt to hurt his friends for as long as he’s known her is adorable (S5E8); Scorpia forgives her before she even finishes saying sorry (S5E13); and both Frosta decking her in S5E9 and Perfuma’s understandable irritation with the woman who bullied her GF in S5E10 are portrayed almost as jokes, the latter never escalating beyond mild rudeness.

This also extends to Hordak, who, after his tissue-thin face turn in S5E13, gets a baffling montage that tries to portray his picking up an abandoned child and indifferently turning her over to an abusive sorceress (S2E7) as somehow heartwarming and a big bonding moment, and then the notion that Mermista might have some grudges against the guy who burned down her home and displaced her people (S5E7-8) is framed as comic.

I’m not even saying that neither of these characters should never be forgiven by anyone!  Just that the forgiveness they get in the show is lacking in dramatic weight, because the actions that are being forgiven don’t feel like they mean anything.  Catra has hurt Adora, Glimmer, Entrapta, Scorpia, Mermista and countless unnamed innocents, and it’s all treated like it has the same impact as borrowing Adora’s Xena DVDs and forgetting to give them back.  Hordak should be considered Etheria’s greatest monster given the number of people who’ve died as a result of his actions and maybe one person is slightly irritated at the prospect of having to send him a Christmas card this year.

(This is without getting into the fact that Glimmer and Entrapta are expected to deal with the consequences of their actions to some degree, with each getting an episode focused around that (S2E2, S2E4).  It’s kind of wild that Glimmer nearly destroying the world because she took a reckless risk in a desperate gamble to try and save the people she cares about from the Horde blitzkrieg, a gambit that she immediately tried to fix when she realised she’d fucked up (S4E10-13) is treated as something that causes a notable rift in her friendships, but Catra nearly destroying the world because she was just that jealous of Adora (S3E3-6) is breezed past with an “I’m sorry.”  Entrapta building the robots causes the Alliance to hold grudges; Hordak waging 25 years of warfare is [shrug] Just Horde Clone Things.)

3. Salvaging These Plot Points

Now, as I implied above, the notion that I think these characters are irredeemable is a bullshit strawman, a thought-terminating cliche that Catra stans use to dismiss criticism without processing with it.  So how would I go about it?

Catra

I would start by having Catra and Glimmer be in the same escape.  Having her attempt to sacrifice herself in S5E3 had some weird thematic issues given her previously established self-destructive streak (S2E5, most of S3).  If we have to keep the bad plot point where Adora recovers the friend who loves and cares for her and immediately goes “well, we gotta leave our friends back home to deal with a colonial invasion while we charge across the universe to save my abusive stalker ex who’s never respected my personhood or autonomy”, I’d probably look at the two biggest missed opportunities in the season: S5E6 and S5E8.

S5E6 is terrible, and should just be expunged mercilessly with fire for its baffling endorsement of the sentiment “yes i abused u but now u hate me so i’m the victim really”.  Its replacement should probably be focused around Adora genuinely processing the harm she’s sustained as a result of Catra’s treatment of her, probably deciding at the end that she’ll accept Catra’s help but is still understandably suspicious of her given the established mistrust (S1E8) and hostility (S4E3).

S5E8 is easy to fix, though; instead of it mostly being the characters bumbling around a haunted house, I’d make the setting actually do stuff for the characters’ arcs.  We already know that First One ruins can bring up memories, so I’d turn it into a reversal of S1E11 where Adora and Catra’s friendship can actually be rebuilt, probably culminating in Catra saving Adora from falling off a cliff as a symbolic rejection of the resentment she would have been struggling with throughout the episode.  This is probably where Adora starts to actually believe that Catra has become a better person.

Basically, the goal here is to show the audience that Catra is working to overcome her issues and become a better person, instead of telling us that it happened offscreen.

Hordak

The problem with Hordak’s face turn is that at no point in the show, including after we’re supposed to treat him as Good Now, does he seem to give a shit about anyone not on a list that contains maybe 4-5 names.  I’d probably put in some scenes earlier where his experiences seem to be actually changing him for the better: maybe his response to Entrapta asking him to spare Catra isn’t to commute her sentence to a suicide mission, or he feels a sudden sympathy with a captive Etherian after the fall of Salineas, as the shared feelings of loss line up, and orders their release.  Basically, the idea is to put in some groundwork so that it actually feels like he might be safe to have around, instead of him betraying his tyrannical overlord because he misses his life where he was, himself, a tyrannical overlord.

I also would not play the idea that people might be a little bit suspicious of a man with a 25-year history of ruthless oppression, colonial violence and unprovoked warmongering as a joke.  Just one of those personal quirks.

4. Summary

In conclusion:

S5 is a bad story about redemption because it doesn’t give the characters being redeemed engaging or compelling redemption arcs, favouring a blind rush to the ending, and it’s a bad story about forgiveness because it treats the actions that are being forgiven as though they don’t mean anything, even when episodes or entire seasons have been built on the effects of those actions.  It’s not that these ideas are bad in general, that these characters axiomatically couldn’t be redeemed or that forgiveness is problematic; it’s just that the execution is bad.

Anyway, thanks, jackass anon, for inspiring me to set down my thoughts in detail like this!

[dreamcatcherfication]

We Were Only Enemies Before We Truly Met

Anon asked: Could you please do a fic of the queens now a days where Anne has a panic attack (it doesn’t have to be that bad if u don’t want it to be) and maybe one of the queens helping? U can decide where!

Hopefully this is what you wanted anon, and I hope y’all enjoy. Asks are always open, and comments are gladly accepted. Apologies for any spelling/grammatical errors. Also, yes, this is a Halloween fic written in the middle of March, I figured we could all use a little spoopy holiday spirit.

Writing Masterpost

Trigger Warnings: Panic attack, bad Halloween costumes, one (1) rabid Kat. 

Anne Boleyn did not like to appear weak or helpless, and that was something she had lived by in both this life and her past life. She was known for making jokes about her beheading with the other queens, and she never let any of history’s words deter her from being herself. Anne Boleyn was strong and smart and brave. But she was also human.

It started out simple enough, Anne had gone out to get another pair of heelys after her last pair broke, walking out on some of the more empty streets. She had a light skip in her step as her eyes shined at the prospect of being returned to her gold chariot of turning wheels. It wasn’t quite evening yet, but the sun had started to set and pedestrians started to thin out as they headed home to their families. It was Halloween time and the majority of people she passed were carrying bags of store bought candy, occasionally followed by a whining child begging for sugar. Anne had texted the others where she was going (at least she hoped so, her mind was off on Cloud 9 imagining being reunited with her heelys again), but otherwise she was practically all alone.

Turning the corner of a particularly long street, Anne came up next to an alleyway by a Halloween shop. It was one of those single dollar type stores that popped up for a month and then disappeared, it’s flickering sign more spooky than the actual decorations. Moving past the Halloween shop, Anne suddenly jerked back in surprise when a bloodcurdling scream came from the alley, followed by the sound effect of something being sliced. Someone came stumbling out of the dark corner and when Anne could finally make them out, she had to choke back a scream of terror in her throat. The person was holding their bloody head in their hands, the neck a severed prop above them. The hands holding the head and the neck were obviously cheap plastic, and the paint posing as blood was chipping, but the damage had already been done.

All air had left Anne’s throat as she stared at the costumed person. They had started laughing after seeing Anne’s shock, but the voice faded out in a blur of white noise as Anne’s chest started to clench. Forcibly pulled back in time, Anne could almost feel the executioner’s blade on her neck, burning away at her skin. Grabbing her neck in pain, Anne started to claw at her choker. Vaguely, she could see her aggressor grow concerned and take a step forward, and that was all Anne needed to regain her senses. Instantly hyper aware of everything around her, Anne took off in a sprint, her body taking over her mind. 

As she ran, her surroundings morphed into memories that (no matter how fast she tried) she couldn’t outrun. She saw young Elizabeth asking for her, she saw Henry ordering her execution, she saw the crowds of people cheering for her death. It was a miracle her body was getting enough oxygen to function, much less run from the Halloween shop back to the queen’s house. But the next thing she knew, Anne was ripping open the front door and bolting up to the attic, locking the door behind her. Collapsing onto the floor, Anne curled into a ball as her muscles tensed and spasmed. She barely heard the surprised voices of the other queens over her panic, and they faded into a dull roar.

Every breath was painful, as if it went in her mouth and out her neck, never reaching her lungs. She was stuck in the final moment of her death, her scar burning with the most unimaginable pain. So many reminders of the trauma she had endured came boiling to the forefront of her mind, trampling any positive thoughts that may have been able to soothe her.

“Anne? Anne, can you hear me?” It was undoubtedly one of the queens, but in Anne’s state of panic, she couldn’t identify the voice. “Anne, please open the door so I can help you.”

It took a moment for Anne’s mind to process the request, and then another for her to get her body to respond. With shaky movements, Anne’s hand moved up to the door knob and pulled on it weakly, just enough so that the door would open a sliver. Without a second of hesitation, in stepped Catherine of Aragon, a concerned look upon her face. “Anne…” but she trailed off, unsure of what to say to the distressed queen before her. Quickly making a decision, Aragon got down on her knees and pulled Anne into a hug. At first Anne resisted, pushing at the arms, but eventually she relaxed into them and allowed herself to be held. 

“Breathe with me,” Aragon said quietly. With her mind in a haze, Anne could only instinctually do as Aragon asked, copying the rising and falling of the other woman’s chest. They stayed like that for a while, both silently breathing and letting the tension of the room dissipate slowly.

As she came back to her senses, Anne couldn’t help but feel ashamed. “I’m sorry,” she told Aragon.

Furrowing her eyebrows, the Spanish princess asked, “What for? It’s okay to have troubles.”

“No it’s not,” Anne shot back. “I’m Anne Boleyn, the jokester. I’m not weak. I can’t be weak.”

Rubbing her hand up and down Anne’s arm in an attempt to be soothing, Aragon struggled to find the right words. For so long she had resented Anne, but seeing her like this made it impossible for Aragon to hold onto her negative feelings. Anne was just as hurt as she was, likely more, and in all honesty, Aragon couldn’t bring herself to hate Anne like she had in the past. “Having emotions is not weak. We all have our traumas. Do you think Kat or Jane are weak?”

“No.”

Smiling, Aragon explained, “And neither are you, Anne Boleyn. Everybody has emotions and you don’t have to suppress them all the time.”

Shrugging, the beheaded queen stood up and moved across the room to her bed. She sat down on the edge of the bed and put her head in her hands. “I shouldn’t have freaked out the way I did. It was only some kid playing a joke.”

Aragon stood up as well, but she didn’t step forward. “What did they do?”

“They jumped out at me wearing a cheap Halloween costume. Fake blood and a severed head. I panicked and I -” much to Anne’s frustration, she choked up once again. Thinking back to it sent fear that she couldn’t control through her entire body. 

“A costume in poor taste I’m sure,” Aragon grumbled. “Anne, please don’t blame yourself for panicking. I mean, remember when Kat nearly punched Anna in the face when she -”

“When she brought that giant dog home without warning. Kat was freaked, but then she refused to let the poor thing go,” Anne smiled fondly at the memory.

“Even the smallest of things can trigger bad memories.” Aragon’s eyes were hopeful, praying that she had gotten through to Anne.

There was a moment of silence as Anne contemplated Aragon’s words. She let her eyes slowly wander upwards until she and Aragon were making eye contact. The Spanish princess’s eyes were nothing if not welcoming, a sight Anne wasn’t expecting. “Why are you helping me of all people?”

Opening her mouth and then closing it, Aragon floundered for a proper answer. Migrating over to Anne’s bed, Aragon sighed and sat down next to the younger queen. “You know Anne… I never truly hated you as much as I thought I did. We’ve had a bad past but… we’ve been reincarnated for some reason, and to keep resenting you for something that happened so long ago is selfish. There’s no reason why I can’t help you, so I will. It might seem hard to believe, but I do care about your wellbeing Anne Boleyn.”

Her words were not what Anne expected to hear. Perhaps something like helping the beheaded queen because it would make her look better, not because she genuinely wanted to. Fiddling with her hands, Anne shyly offered, “For what it’s worth… I’m sorry what happened, happened. I didn’t mean for it all to get so out of hand.”

“The past is the past,” the Spanish princess said. “Right now, I’m here for you Anne. As long as you need me.”

In a moment of impulse, Anne launched herself into Aragon’s arms and hugged her tight. The older queen was surprised at first, but she sunk into the hug. “Thank you Catherine. Just… thank you.”

Aragon said nothing, but she held Anne tightly to her chest. “If anything like this ever happens again, I’m here for you Anne. We’re all here for you. We love you Anne.”

Pausing and pulling back from the hug, Aragon was met with Anne’s trademark mischievous smirk. There were still tear tracks on her face, but the familiar light had returned to Anne’s eyes. “You loooove me?”

Rolling her eyes, Aragon played along with the cheeky queen. “Now now, I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you’d get all full of yourself.”

Dramatically, Anne pretended to be hurt by Aragon’s words. “How you wound me, Princess Catalina. First a proclamation of love and now an insult to my worldly honor?!” Aragon lightly slapped Anne’s arm, causing the two of them to start giggling like children. Eyes going wide, Anne groaned in annoyance. “Dammit, I forgot my heelys!” She smacked her forehead and made an array of frustrated sounds. “Now I have to wait until tomorrow to get them back. What am I supposed to do without them? I can’t keep walking around like a peasant.”

Slowly, Anne turned her head towards Aragon, a curious glint in her eyes. “No Anne, I’m not going to carry you on my back until you can get your heelys.”

“But you do it with Kitty!” Anne complained.

“Yes, because she’s at least twenty pounds lighter than you and a teenager.” Grumbling good naturedly, Anne shot the older queen a fake glare. But soon enough a grin grew back on her face, revealing her true feelings. “Are you ready to head back down with the others?” Aragon asked with a small smile, a warm and inviting expression Anne would have never imagined seeing before today.

Nodding, the younger queen stood up from the bed. “If I don’t go down there now, who’s going to eat all the chocolates?”

“Anne that’s not what I said -”

“But it’s what I heard ~” Anne replied in a sing-song voice. First wiping the tear tracks from her face, the beheaded queen happily exited the room followed by Aragon. Anne made her way down the stairs, practically taking two at a time. Reaching the bottom of the steps she spread her arms and announced, “Boleyn has returned!”

This was immediately followed by a loud, “Annie!” from Kat across the room. Before she could even register it, Kat had slammed full force into Anne, knocking her back until they were a heap on the floor. Aragon was staring at the cousins in utter shock whilst Jane looked concerned for their safety and Anna simply stifled a laugh.

Grinning broadly, Anne embraced her cousin as they lay on the floor together surrounded by the other queens. Cathy came into Anne’s line of sight, standing over her with a mug of coffee in one hand and a book under her arm. She quirked an eyebrow up and stated, “I guess it isn’t a family reunion without someone almost getting hurt. I’m glad you’re okay, Anne.” 

All the Boleyn girl did in response was shoot Cathy a wink.