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xveenusx · 1 year ago

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Indifference

Paring(s): Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

Summary: Two people who are in love, well he used to be

Authors note: you guys like when I make you cry

Rating: angsty

Warnings: it'll hurt :)

__________________

He was late.

Time was a funny thing. Minutes turned to hours which rolled into days then suddenly months began to blur into years. In that time, people tend to go out and experience things, falling in and out of love, enjoying everything life had to offer.

Yet, I somehow found myself motionless, the spark that once ignited my core had been stifled to a small ember. Life continued to pass by while I remained glued in one place, watching as everyone around me attempted to achieve some form of happiness.

I was once like that. Filled with some much hope for a life with someone I loved, who showed up to support me and believed in my capability, because at one time in my life that was exactly what Rafe was.

Like I said, time was a funny thing. The more time passes with your partner, the more comfortable they seem to get. They stop trying. However, at what point does being comfortable become almost negligent?

Dates were canceled, appointments missed, and important accomplishments forgotten the more time went on. Rafe’s priorities shifted and I went from being the center of his world to being a planet merely circling his gravitational pull.

In his mind, we were forever, so a couple of cancellations here and there and bouts of forgetfulness were nothing in the span of things. I would have agreed had the cancellations not doubled with time or our conversations going from intimate and deep to surface level at best.

He was never home. It was always just me in this large house on figure 8. Suddenly, he went from being the moon and the stars to just a bleak, unforgivable starless night. Cold and dark.

We had met when we were 16 and he was every bit a spoiled little rich boy that had extreme daddy issues, but there was more to him than that. I picked at his defenses until finally they shattered, and I was engulfed by all of him.

He was just different around me and that fact alone left me delighted. It made me feel special, almost stupidly so.

Things between Rafe and his father were already tense enough since Rafe bought a motorbike with the money he was supposed to spend on the generator. Then everything began to snowball out of control from there. He threw himself into his father’s work and when he wasn’t doing that, he was with Kells and Topper doing god knows what and snorting anything he could find.

Despite all of this, Rafe always kept me close and always let me in.

Last year, when Ward had gone with Sarah and John B to South America, and didn’t return, something shifted inside him. His defenses were rebuilt, only this time he left me on the outside, and no matter how hard I tried to break him down brick by brick, nothing worked. He became obsessed with running Ward’s real estate empire better than he ever did.

Rafe was a cold and calculated legacy with a large chip on his shoulder that made him lethal against competing firms. He chewed them up and spit them out.

With every major milestone, it was never enough for him, and like a man possessed he continued to ruthlessly target anyone that had done him wrong. We had everything and yet the bitterness seemed to consume him. He was someone I saw once a day if I was lucky. He always left before I woke up and was never home by the time I went to bed and suddenly we were glorified roommates.

Once upon a time, I would stay up waiting for him with my heart in my hand, hoping to connect in any way. Even if I only had a few minutes to spend with him before he went to sleep, it was enough for me. But, 10 pm became 11 pm which turned into 12 am and so I gave up. My sleep schedule was already a mess as thoughts and insecurities pestered my mind of another woman.

“Any word from him yet? Some of the donors are asking for him?” The question pulls me out of my thoughts and I turn to face my assistant, Rai.

Her question is innocent enough, but I can hear the slight concern in her voice and I know she has her doubts which only serves as another humiliating reminder that Rafe has done this to me repeatedly.

But this was different. He knew how important this charity dinner was to the shelter I opened up for women and children who suffered from domestic violence.

As someone who came from the cut, it was everywhere and so many didn’t have the means to flee and so they were forced to stay and in the most severe instances, die.

Rafe gave me the start-up money as a gift and it was a huge success that I opened several more as well as fund for scholarships for both the mothers and kids. Which is what brings me to now, a charity dinner and auction to help fund said scholarships and pay for all the shelter necessities.

He promised he would be here. It’s important for the donors to see him here seeing as though he donated a huge sum once more and could ease the minds of those who are teetering on the edge. It’s also important to me. This project is mine, something I created and shared with the world and I want to share it with him too.

I want him to celebrate this accomplishment with me and he is nowhere to be found.

“He’ll be here. Rafe promised.” I clear my throat, “He knows how important this is to me.”

Rai gave me a doubtful look and I know that I couldn’t convince her anymore than I could convince myself. The engagement ring that bore my finger instantly weighed a ton.

Glancing down at the large diamond that once meant the promise of everything, stared back at me as nothing more than a simple accessory.

Rafe had proposed and foolishly I believed that it would save us so I said yes.

I stayed and time and time again, the disappointment slowly began to etch away at the childish hope I tried to cling onto until only a dull ache remained.

“Don’t you look lovely?” Plastering a fake smile onto my face, I let out a sheepish laugh as I take in Kiara’s parents.

“Thank you guys so much for coming.” The words ring true but I couldn’t help but feel like I was underwater. My focus is shot and I find myself hardly listening with my eyes darting to the front door every minute or so, desperate to see the man I used to think would never stop loving me.

I float around the room, committed to being a gracious host, because I would not let him take this from me too. Not when he’s taken everything else already. This is the only piece left of me.

My cheeks hurt two hours later from all the fake smiles and my throat burns from the feigned laughing. The sound of my own voice makes me wince.

In those two hours, I felt my confidence slowly get chipped piece by piece as everyone questioned where my fiancé was. And for a moment, I hated him. I truly hated him because even this small piece of heaven I made for myself is tied into him.

Honey, I need to run some numbers with Rafe. Where is he hiding?

Where is the biggest investor? Surely, he’s here, right?

I haven't seen Mr. Cameron. Has he stepped out?

With which I responded,” Work emergency, you know how it is. He’s nothing if not committed.” Considering most of these possible donors run their own large companies, they completely understand but it’s their partners reactions that seem to leave me stunned.

Each had a warm look of understanding dancing in their eyes as I’m sure they’ve used the same excuse time and time again.

I can only take so much. So I excuse myself and glance at the small gold heart shaped watch on my delicate wrist and take note of the time.

There was only 30 minutes left and I haven't gotten so much as a text from him.

A pit began to form where my stomach used to be as I realized once more that he wasn’t coming. As I stood in a packed room, filled with a flurry of activity, surrounded by people, I’ve never felt more alone.

Then my eyes connect with Mrs. Dune, the wife of a finance guru that works alongside Rafe. She was much older than I, having been with her husband for 30 years but she looked even older.

It’s almost as though she can read my thoughts, because she sends me a sad smile as she lets her eyes go to where her husband stands talking to other donors. I haven't seen him talk to her the whole night, instead she’s been standing at his side saying nothing.

I take an uneven breath and my eyes widen in realization. Was this what I had to look forward to? A life sentence of loneliness vacant of any warmth and attention?

Swallowing hard, I force my eyes away and stare at the door. Begging whoever will listen to please, this once, let me be wrong. I’m so in my thoughts that I’m startled when a soft hand lands on my arm.

“You get used to it. Eventually, you’ll feel nothing.” Mrs. Dune says quietly, her eyes moving back to her husband, with a look I can only describe as longing.

That’s the thing. I don't want to get used to it. This isn’t how I want to be loved.

“What you’ve accomplished is amazing. Don’t let him take that away from you.” Was her parting words and she left, not sparing her husband another glance.

When I turn to see if he noticed she left, he’s still engaged in conversations and doesn’t spare her a glance.

This is not how I want to be loved.

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you. This is Amy Park.” Rai looks ecstatic as she introduces me to the stunning tall woman next to her.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Park.” The words come out on instinct.

“I wanted to discuss how open you would be to expanding shelters nationwide?”

And for the first time in awhile, a real smile graces my face as I answer her question.

_____________________

The first thing I notice when I pull into our driveway is the plethora of cars that fill it. The second thing I pick up on is familiar vibrations of music with each step I take along our pathway.

My front door is wide open as people come in and out, clearly under the influence of something and my chest constricts.

This is what he’s been doing? This was more important than me?

Clutching my keys tightly, I welcome the familiar biting against my skin. I recognize many of the faces, most of them having gone to school with Rafe.

If it was any other night, I would have joined them. We were only 22 and yet have lived what seems to be a hundred lives. But, this is different. He’s different.

Climbing up the staircase, I head to the balcony where I hear a familiar boast of laughter.

I cleared my throat. “What’s so funny?”

Heads snap in my direction but my eyes are only on one. One that currently has a short black haired girl nearly in his lap. I recognize her as a bartender at one of the local grills/bars we frequent.

“Don’t you look gorgeous-“ Topper attempts to run interference, but it’s too late. I raise my hand to silence him. I’ve already seen everything I needed too.

His body is positioned slightly in front of them as if I was going to body slam them. I might actually.

“Hey, wait! How did the donor dinner go?” Topper's eyes dart to Rafe’s. “That was tonight right?”

I see the moment everything clicks. His eyes rake down from my newly styled hair to the louboutins in my feet. Everything I wore from the jewelry on my body to the shoes on my feet he bought me, and I’ve never felt more sick.

Rafe clenches his eyes shut as he shakes his head. “Fuck.”

Fuck, indeed.

“Get out of my way, Topper.”

He throws a worried glance to Rafe. “I think maybe-“

“Top, give us a second.” Rafe mutters tensely. He keeps his hard set gaze on me, drilling into me, almost as though he’s daring me to move.

Kelce stands up giving me an apologetic look. “Rafe, man, there’s a bunch of people here.”

I force myself to look away.

“Not right now, Kells.”

He wasn’t wrong. This house was full of people, but the only difference being that none of them matter. Not to me and not to Rafe.

Steady. Keep steady and just breathe.

“So what should I do-“

I look at him. Me or them? It was unsaid but he knew what I was asking him.

“Back the fuck off and give me a fucking second with my girl.” Rafe barks out, running a rough hand through the short cropped strands that brush against his forehead.

Both hold their hands up in mock surrender before shuffling off to the side. The girl doesn’t get up.

Topper coughs. “Sophia.”

Her eyes take me in with clear distaste. Her hand is still dangerously close to Rafe’s waistband. I raise a single eyebrow giving her one last opportunity to move.

She doesn’t. Not when Kelce calls out for her either.

Sophia made her bed. Setting my bag down, I take three big steps before I’m roughly shoving her off the couch sending her sprawling on the floor.

Rafe let’s out a curse but makes no move to help her. At least he’s not stupid.

“Get out.” The words leave no room for negotiation.

The glare she sends me is filled with ice. “I was invited.”

Kelce lets out a groan before whispering,”Is she serious?”

The fake smile I’ve perfected over the years decorated my face as I bent down to her height on the floor.

Flashing my engagement ring in her face. “Get out of my fucking house.”

That seems to shut her up and I watch with narrowed eyes as she struts away, Topper and Kelce in tow.

I can hear my heart pounding in my ears while my chest feels like it’s going to explode. I turn around slowly to face my damnation.

My heels click against the marble floor and with each step I take, the more the ache in my chest grows. Marching up to Rafe, I grab his chin and force him to look at me. Those familiar glacial blue eyes are red. His pupils are blown wide and my chest cracks wide open.

He’s high.

This is not how I want to be loved.

This is what he wanted to do instead of being there for me. Instead of supporting me. Instead of loving me.

Dying would be less painful.

I stare directly into those eyes, searching for an answer, wondering when the love he felt for me slowly became indifference.

I’d almost rather there be a mistress rather than this cold indifference.

“Did you have fun at least?” My words are soft but the intention is anything but.

He says nothing. Instead Rafe studies me like I’m a wounded animal.

Dark. Beautiful. Cruel.

Those are the words I’d use to describe the man in front of me. The gaze that once felt like a soft caress on my skin now felt clinical.

“It seems like you’re having fun.” I quip, flicking the small bag filled with familiar white powder.

I thought I could fix him. I will not make that mistake again.

“I completely forgot-“

“How?” I ask.

His eyes narrow like he’s trying to figure me out. “Work got insanely busy. You know how it is. Even if I own the place, I’m young and the older guys don’t respect me.”

“It was in your work calendar.”

“No, it wasn’t-“

“It was also on your personal calendar and our joint one. I had your assistant send you a reminder email. So my question is how?” My voice wobbled and it was only by a small miracle that I didn’t throw something in his face. “How did you forget the only thing I’ve asked you for?”

Something flickered in his eyes. “It wasn’t intentional. It slipped my mind.”

“Something I worked so hard to accomplish just slipped your mind?” Exhaustion has finally got the better of me and I finally let him see just how much he’s managed to chip away.

“I should have been there for you and I’m so sorry,” His throat flexed a hard swallow. “But there will be other dinners.”

The dull ache in my chest thrummed harder. Rafe was brushing this off, just like he always did. My skin flushed.

At my silence, he braces his elbows on his knees and leans forward, tracking my every move. “I feel like you’re not understanding me.”

“No, I understand you just fine. It just wasn’t important enough for you.”

He stilled. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

Of course it wasn’t what he meant but he’s managed to make me feel so insignificant. So small.

“I know that you’ve canceled most of our dates for work. Even an anniversary once. I know that you missed the grand opening of the shelter that I spent a year and half planning.” I force the words out, each breath I take feeling like needles. “I asked for this one thing, Rafe and you couldn’t even give me that.”

“What about everything I have given you? This house, the car you drive in, the clothes on your back, the boat?”

It’s like I’m staring at 16 year old Rafe again. To him, material things were the equivalent to love. He couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I find that I was much happier when I had little to nothing, than I am now, sitting here with everything, in my gown and jewels.

“I didn't ask for any of those things.” By the stubborn gleam in his eyes, I knew he was going to fight me on everything.

Lately, his tactic was always combative and it was easier to give in or to not say anything at all.

“No, but you took them all the same. I fucked up, I get that. I know what this shelter means to you, but that doesn’t change the fact that you wouldn’t even have it if it weren’t for me.”

A familiar buzzing filled my ears. His words were ugly but they weren’t a lie. Even my project was his. I had nothing of my own.

I wonder how many other people came to the same revelation. Maybe that’s why so many of them asked where he was? Because this accomplishment wasn’t mine, no clearly it was his.

There is not enough room in my chest for the ache he caused.

Words can’t seem to make it to my lips. I think my brain has finally broken and realizes that no words I say will get him to change.

Smoothing out my dress, I stand on shaky legs before kicking off my heels. He can keep them. With that, I leave him out on the porch and make a beeline towards our his room.

Opening the closet doors, I reach for the suitcase before setting it on the bed. I wasn’t going to be like Mrs. Dune and waste away beside a man that used to love me, hoping that one day he will once more.

“What the fuck are you doing?” The words are hard and low.

Rafe stands at the door, his arms crossed over his chest. His face is brewing with several emotions I can't quite place.

It was funny. I haven't seen this much emotion from him in months.

I ignore him and toss some clothes from my dresser into the open suitcase, making sure to grab only the clothes I needed.

I slowly take off each piece of jewelry and set it on my vanity. He can keep everything he so gloriously mentioned he bought.

“You loved me once.” I state, tilting my head to the side. I rake over every detail of his face, knowing I’ll never forget it.

I loved him once too.

His face morphed to one of confusion before disbelief. “I still love you. That’s never changed.”

I shake my head. “Yes, it has.”

Rafe stalks towards me, his hand reaching to burl around my neck while the other pulls me to him by my waist. Familiar cologne fills my lungs and I count to ten mentally. It was the same cologne I bought him when we first started dating.

“I work too much, I know. That’s my fault and I’ll cut back. I’ll be home more and we can spend time together. I’ll do better.” Taking my chin between two fingers, he forces my eyes to his. I see the sincerity in his eyes but I know how this goes.

The same way it’s gone the last two times. He’ll beg me to stay, promise to change, and things will be good for a month before he slowly starts missing dates or canceling trips we’ve planned months before. Then the cycle repeats.

“No.” It was time to love myself. Since he clearly couldn’t do it. I will not allow myself to get lost in him again.

“Baby, just wait. Will you wait-“ He huffs as I try to move around him. No such success as his towering body has me moving back and suddenly I’m caged in by his arms. “Just give me a second, okay?”

“I’ve given you years. I won’t give you another second.”

“Talk to me.” His voice breaks. “Please just talk to me.”

Longing filled my body. Words I’ve been waiting to hear for months come so easily to him, but only when I already have one foot out the door.

“I’m alone.” The words come out strangled. “ I’m alone in this. I have been for a long time.”

“What do you mean? Baby, I’m right here.” Rafe’s gripping onto me tighter, almost like he’s ensuring I don’t leave. “I’m right here.”

“You're never here. That’s exactly my point.”

Rafe’s eyes widen before he shakes his head wildly, staring at me like I’m speaking another language. “That’s not true-“

“What’s today?”

“What?”

“What’s today?” I repeat, my eyes never leaving his. I want to see every emotion that storms in his eyes, just to remind myself that he is capable of emotion after all.

“Friday.”

I smile at him sadly. Exactly my point. “I haven't seen you since Tuesday.”

“No, that can’t be right. I was with you when we had lunch with-“ He breaks off, reaching for his phone in his pocket. I watch as he pulls up his calendar, an action that mortifies me, and confirms our scheduled date.

“Tuesday.” He whispers, shocked even.

I wasn’t. Rafe had to check his calendar to confirm that last time he’s seen his fiancé.

“You used to come bring me lunch. If you were more than a couple hours, you always found your way to me or gave me a call that you’ll be late.” I shrugged, blinking back the tears stinging my eyes. “Now, I don’t think I’d get a call if you were in the hospital.”

The buzzing in my ears intensifies.

“You didn’t tell me any of this. None of how you were feeling and you're ready to walk out the door without so much as an argument.” A spark of my old Rafe appears as frustration dances across his face.

“I should have-“

“You’re giving up.” He states, shaking his head in anger.

Maybe I was. “I’m tired of fighting for us. You gave up a long time ago.”

Large hands curl around my cheeks, pulling me towards his face. Rafe rests his forehead on mine, his piercing blue eyes darting across my face in panic.

“I love you. I love you.” He knows he’s grasping at straws, but we feel like strangers now. The words don’t feel like they used to. “You know I love you.”

“This isn’t how I want to be loved, Rafe. I see you every couple days, the only time we’re ever together is when we have sex.” We lost sight of how we once were. The only thing that remained good between us was sex.

That alone isn’t healthy. He goes to open his mouth but I cut him off.

“We never talk and when we do, you don’t even listen to me. Your brain is always somewhere else.”

“I’m in a relationship with a ghost. I’m not letting you suck the life out of me anymore.” My eyes catch the sparkling ring that once brought me such happiness. Now, it simply feels like a ball and chain.

Before I can convince myself otherwise, I start to tug it off my finger when Rafe truly begins to panic.

“Don’t do that. Please don’t do that.” I try to hand it to him but Rafe jolts back like he’s been burned. The look he gives my empty hand is nothing short of destroyed.

I think I’m going to throw up. His words are laced with raw grief that makes it hard for me to breathe.

“Put it back on.” I hear the slight tremble in his voice.

“No.” My lips wobble.

“Please put it back on because if you don’t that means we’re over. That’s not us. We aren’t supposed to end.”

“Rafe, don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

“You’re ripping my fucking heart out of my chest. This isn’t anywhere near hard, it’s excruciating.” Rafe’s hand is notably shaking, but he tries to hide it by clenching and unclenching his palms.

“Welcome to the last year of my life.” The words are brutal but he needs to hear them.

“You promised me we’d never end.”

“You promised to change. I guess we both lied.”

Rafe raises his voice, his arms thrown up in the air in clear distress, “How can you just stand there?”

It was a miracle I haven’t collapsed on my shaky legs yet. The adrenaline pumping though my veins was the only thing getting me through this torture. “Rafe, stop it.”

“You talk about indifference?” Rafe lets out a humorless laugh, shaking his head up at the ceiling. “Who’s heartless now, baby?”

“You don’t get to put this on me. I’ve given you years of my life, showered you with nothing but love and support. I asked for one night, one fucking night, in your busy schedule and you didn’t bother to show up, or send a simple text.” I intake a sharp breath, pushing the hair out of my face with a shaky hand. “Instead, you threw a party in our home and got high.”

I point a finger at his chest, staring at him with open heartbreak. “I needed you,” The tightness in my chest finally pops as I choke on a loud sob, “I needed you and you weren’t there.”

“I lost sight of what’s important to me. I’m just trying to give you everything-” I cut him off.

Grabbing the clothes I haphazardly tossed in the suitcase, ”You want this? Take it,” I shove them into his chest, “Take all of it. I don’t want it. I’d give this all away in a heartbeat if it meant I could have you back.”

I meant every word. I wanted my best friend back, the person I confided in and depended on. I wanted our late nights back watching trashy reality TV. We used to sit in the bathtub together basking in each other's company. Went on walks along the beach or took the boat out for hours, fucking on the deck, not caring that anyone could see.

It used to be simple. He loved me and I loved him.

“I’m angry, baby.I’m so damn angry all the time. At my fucking dad for always having these impossible expections. Then he goes and dies, leaving me without a clue on how to manage everything.” Rafe sags against the wall, exhaustion marring his features, his blue eyes pleading for me to understand. “I feel like I’m drowning all the time.”

I had no idea this was how he was feeling. But, he never let me in. “You could have told me, we’re supposed to be partners in this. You asked me to marry you!”

I think deep down I know that he felt me slipping through his fingers at one point. He could see clearly how unhappy I’ve become and that’s why he proposed. And maybe just like him, I thought the proposal could fix us. This proposal was being manipulated on both ends, it was doomed from the start.

You can’t fix what’s already broken.

“My head has basically been a war zone and I’m losing. The only thing keeping me sane is that I know, when I walk through that door,” he points to our bedroom door, “I’m going to find you in our bed. Every. Single. Night.”

“I can’t let the ugly touch you.” My heart splits into two at his words. Words I know feel like acid leaving his mouth. “You’re the only thing I have left.”

“Then you should have taken better care of me. You should have let me take care of you.”

“Fuck,” He screams, bending down and swiping the lamp clean of the nightstand. The lamp goes flying into the wall, shattering into hundreds of pieces and my eyes are drawn to them. I can’t help but think it reminds me of us.

Dragging my eyes back to his, I fight the urge to wrap him in my arms. Seeing him in pain has never brought me joy, but this was brutal. His eyes shined with unmistakable tears, realizing the strength of my resolve.

There was no going back this time. There was no trying again. I didn’t have another try in me.

I grip onto the fabric of my dress moving towards him, my heart pounding out of my chest. He moves instantly, holding out his hand to guide me over the shattered lamp. Why couldn’t he be like this months ago?

Why did he let it get this bad? Why couldn’t he love me?

Now, standing in front of him, I let myself one deep breath, basking in the comforting smell of him. A large hand curls around my neck, his grip strong and firm, demanding my attention. His blue eyes are daunting and so intense, I find myself fighting the urge to look away.

“I’m going to get you back.”

”Take it, Rafe.” I whisper, uncurling his limp hand, “Take it. It doesn’t mean what I want it to.”

Tears blur my vision as I fumble with the ring he refuses to take.

Rafe shakes his head, clenching his jaw tightly. “There’s no point in taking it off if it’s gonna go right back there in a couple weeks. ”

I can’t help but smile at the determination in his voice. He sounds like the old Rafe and for a second I see a glimmer of who he used to be.

He had me. Then he lost me.

This is not how I want to be loved.

“If spending the next few months without you means that I get to spend a lifetime with you, I can manage. I’ll do whatever I have to. But don’t think for a second that there is anyone else on this entire fucking planet meant for you.”

That’s how I want to be loved. Too little too late.

I drop the ring.

#outer banks #outer banks imagine #obx #rafe cameron #outerbanks rafe #rafe angst #rafe x reader #rafe smut #rafe obx #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron angst #rafe cameron x reader #drew starkey #drew starky angst #outer banks fanfiction #outerbanks angst #obx angst #rafe cameron smut

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sukiipjs · 8 months ago

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✿ STOP BEING A BRAT

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↳ matt sturniolo x fem reader

↳ words - 1685

↳ summary - you have a stressful day, everything pissing you off, you slightly take it out on matt but he makes sure to teach you how to behave. (this is the one i accidentally started writing when i was writing ‘let me help’ LMAO.)

↳ contains - smut, pet names (baby), hair pulling, praise, degrading, swearing, fingering, sex, choking, orgasm, masturbation, cream pie, idk 💀

↳ song - stargirl interlude by the weeknd

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

god everything today keep going wrong. first when walking to work, a car sprayed me with water, then this weird guy at work kept harassing me, then i realized forgot my lunch at home and got to eat nothing, and everything else is so annoying. finally i get to go back home and maybe i can actually get to eat and not get harassed by pervs.

i get to my door and grab out my keys, when i open the door i see matt sitting on the couch, he pauses his game and smiles at me as he gets off, starting to walk toward me, “hi baby, how was your day?” i ignore him, honestly i just want everyone to shut the hell up.

i walk toward the fridge getting the sandwich that i was supposed to eat for lunch out and take a bite, “baby? helloooo?” i take out my phone and scroll on instagram a little, “what matt?” he makes a face, kinda surprised at my attitude. “are you okay? you sound annoyed,” i roll my eyes and throw away the crust of my sandwich, “woow so smart!! just leave me alone?”

i grab my phone and storm into my room, throwing myself on my bed, continuing to scroll on my phone. matt follows me and stands in the doorway, “baby? cmon just talk to me what’s up? something happen?” i sigh again, trying to make sure he can really hear me, “matt. please stop talking to me, your being so fucking annoying. everything has been shit today and your annoying voice is not helping.” he makes that face again, surprised and maybe mad?

he walks over to the bed and takes my phone from my hands and sets it on the top of my dresser, “matt what the hell, give it back” i stand up from the bed trying to reach it up top but matt stands in front of it, blocking it. my arm still trys to reach up behind him to get it but he grabs my wrist, “maybe stop being a brat and i’ll give it back?” i scoff and roll my eyes, “shut up! just give it back” i try to shake my arm, trying to have him release it but he doesn’t budge.

he puts his other hand on my shoulder and pushes me down onto the bed, “jesus matt!” he climbs on top of me and narrows his eyebrows, his hand grabs my face making me look at him, “stop acting like a bitch, tell me what’s wrong or maybe i’ll just show you how to not be such a brat?” i stare up at him, my eyes narrowing like his, i try to move my arms and push him off but he uses his other hand that’s not gripping my face to grab my wrists in his hand, pinning them above my head, “fuck you matt!” his face gets closer and closer to mine staring me deep into my eyes, “shut. the fuck. up.”

“make me.” i spit back at him, not breaking eye contact. he sits up a little and turns me over on my stomach quickly, his hand gripping onto my hair pulling my head up from the pillows, “just be a good fucking girl, and if you keep staring at me like that i’ll make those eyes roll back faster than you think,”

he leans his head down a little as he starts kissing at my neck, his hands on my shirt as he pulls it up over my head before he gets fully on top of me, basically sitting on me before going back to kiss me, both his hands move their way under me, grabbing my tits as he marks my neck, “mmm, good girl,” my head lays turned on the pillows as i see the slight smirk on his face.

he moves his hands from under me to have them rest my pants as he goes back to sitting up, he starts to pull them down, my underwear going with it. he grabs my hips, pulling them up, making my knees support me while my ass sticks up.

“such a good girl for me yeah?” he laughs, as he outlines the curves of my body, his fingers trailing over my back. “shut up.” my jaw clenches, still stubborn. his head leans down near me as he tangles his fingers in my hair again, pulling me up. my eyes close as i wince at the feeling, “you know, i don’t know who you’re talking to like that cause i know it’s not me” his face is soft but his voice firm, his eyes scan my face and the marks he made at my collarbones.

he drops my head back onto the bed, i move my elbows to my sides to help support me too, my head kneeling down. my eyes still closed and i hear matt’s belt clink as he pulls it from his pants. i hear a small laugh fall from his mouth as he comes closer to me, my eyes open to see that leather belt is coming around my neck as matt pulls it tighter to fit around me, pulling my hair back out.

“you look so pretty like that,” he smiles before grabbing his shirt to pull it over him, then his pants, dropping them from his body, leaving his boxers on to show the hard outline in them.

he kneels on the bed, his fingers trailing over my ass again, moving down to my thighs then closer and closer to my wetness, aching for his touch. two fingers quickly move inside me, a strained gasp comes out of me as a laugh comes from him. his fingers start to pump in and out of me, his speed increasing. “fuck!” i moan out as matt’s thumb gently grazes on my clit, his fingers moving faster and faster.

“matt! oh- fuck!” my eyes shut hard as my voice whines out, my legs shake as i come closer to my climax. “take it baby, you got this,” he smiles as he keeps going. “let it out baby,” my breaths are short and fast as i let out a straining moan as i release myself on his fingers.

“good girl” he coos, taking his fingers out of me. “sit up,” i do, i sit in front of him on the bed, watching him stand up. he looks down at me, guiding his hand to the side of my face, “so pretty” he has a wide smile on his face as he looks at me.

he slowly moves his hand behind me, reaching for the belt before pulling on to tightly. my head leaning up as i choke softly, “fuck” i mutter as my eyes close again. “even prettier” that wide smile staying on him.

he lets his grip off the belt, letting me breathe again as my eyes open. his hands go to the top of his boxers, pulling them down letting his hardness slap against his stomach. my eyes stay on him, his hard dick in front of me. he throws his boxers to the side as i lean toward him, letting my tongue peek out but just as matt sees he grips onto my hair, pulling my head back as he shakes his head.

“did i say you could touch me?” my teeth clench at the stinging pain as he tightens his pull at my hair, “answer.” my eyes stay open as i try to look at him still, “n-no.” he lets go of my head, resting his arms by his sides. “that’s what i thought,” he shakes his head softly again, now moving one of his hands to his hardness, beginning to slowly stroke himself. “you can watch, don’t touch.”

he stares down at me as he fastens his pace, touching himself. i hear his breath hitch as i stare at his fingers wrapped around himself, softly biting my bottom lip, just wanting him inside me already.

“fuck- open baby,” matt’s finger brushes against my lip as i open my mouth wide. “oh fuck.” he moans out as he releases himself in my mouth. “swallow,” he smiles down at me, his hand still on my cheek as i do as he says, swallowing, “good girl.”

he leans down to capture our lips together, his hands moving to his belt still resting on my neck, he undoes it and throws it to the side, still kissing me. after that he guides his hand to my throat, gently pressing on me as he pulls away from the kiss, “lay down now.” he says softly, pushing a little more to guide me on the bed.

i lay my head back onto the pillows, laying myself on the mattress. matt climbing on top of me, his hand still gripping my neck. his other hand moves my legs to rest up by his hips. “so good,” he praises once more before pushing himself inside me, thrusting fast already. my eyes roll back as i catch my lip between my teeth, his grip on my neck tightening.

he leans down, kissing at my jaw and lips as he slams into me, “so. fucking. good” he lets out small gasps between words, his warm breath blowing against me. i can only get out loud moans as my hand squeezes onto matt’s bicep.

“mph- c-close!” i manage to get out, my hand tightening around his arm as i let myself go around him. soon after matt does the same, releasing himself inside me. he pulls out, taking his hand off my neck and flopping himself beside me. i lay down, catching my breath as his seed drips from me.

i quickly turn over to lay on matt’s chest, wrapping my arms around him. “you good?” he asks, catching his own breath. my head nods into him, “mhm” a small smile stays on his face as his hand goes up to run his fingers in my hair. “i love you,” i nod again, “love you too,” mumbling , my eyes resting as i hold onto him.

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

taglist : @slutforchriss @mattsleftnipple03 @mattsdinosweater @ccolleenn @mixvchelle @leah-loves-lilies @sturn-wrld @redz0nez9 @cheriematt @freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @whore4matt @txssvx @will-yummy @matty-bear @venusbabysblog @m0r94n

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo fanfic #matthew bernard sturniolo #matt sturniolo x you #𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐢𝐩𝐣𝐬 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝜗𝜚⋆#sukiipjs #𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐢𝐢𝐩𝐣𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐬 𝜗𝜚⋆

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coldzonkprofessorturtle · 1 month ago

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An Affair to Remember

Alright, let's get into Affair the Series, which has been giving me brainrot the past few weeks so feels like a good time to get into an analysis of why I find it so fascinating. Eventually I'd love to do a deeper dive into Thai GLs and that industry (that's a whole other thing though) but after having seen my share of them (Gap, Show Me Love, TSOU, The Loyal Pin) I've really found myself falling into the rabbit hole with Affair the Series and the way it depicts friendship, love, and acceptance.

Deep dive below and also thank you gif makers for your work 🙏🏽

(also will go over events from episodes 1-5, so spoilers ahead if not up-to-date)

So first off, I have read the novel, which is the first time I've finished one of those for a GL and quite frankly, the translation wasn't that great but the story still came through. I won't refer to it much and will base this on the show as I think they've done a fantastic job with the adaptation and fingers crossed continue to do so.

Where in most GLs the core conflict is external. The main couple can't be in love typically due to familial/cultural pressure or a man interfering (that still exists to an extent here) the main conflict in Affair is simply that Wan and Pleng love each other too much but they do so in different ways.

When we meet Wan and Pleng they're 17 years old and have spent their entire lives together. They're sisters but not and while Wan seems to have a social circle, Pleng really has no other friends outside of Wan. The spoiled rich girl and the maid's daughter. Couldn't be more different if they tried and yet by circumstance their lives are as intertwined as it gets.

At 17, they have different ideas for their futures. Pleng is musically talented, wins every contest and is financially set. She can live the life she wants. If she wants to be a musician then so be it. Her parents love and support her and there's no pressure. Wan on the other hand has an overbearing mother (and a resentful father), no prospects for her future but at least she has Pleng.

Despite her parents, Wan loves wholly and openly. She knows she loves Pleng and while she doesn't yet know it she does know that Pleng loves her too. I would argue that Wan truly knows herself, which is why she comes across as so self-assured in their younger years. She's slowly trying to guide Pleng to understand herself too.

Pleng, however, has never had to sit with her emotions in the same way. Take this as differences of personality, class and upbringing. Now that they're 17 and entering adulthood, Pleng has to start engaging with the world (and her emotions) rather than hiding behind the rich, insular lifestyle she's had up to this point.

As the idea of boyfriends comes up, Pleng starts to lash out. She's jealous, she's pushy but really she's just in love with her best friend and doesn't know it. Everything starts happening too fast. Wan meets a boy at an art gallery, Aunt Wi pushes Pleng to help Wan get with Ek, Pleng's dad is extremely stressed and she doesn't know to what extent and throughout that Pleng is dealing with her feelings that for some reason just won't go away. Feelings that Wan keeps bringing up in her over and over.

Pleng is a mess. She doesn't know how to connect with her peers, she knows something is wrong with her dad, she sees that Wan is seemingly moving forward in a way that she's not (dating a boy) and whether she realizes it she continues to isolate herself.

From Wan's perspective she couldn't care less about dating Ek. She's already completely devoted to Pleng (in ways that Pleng doesn't even know).

They're 17, hormonal, gay, and incapable of seeing each other's perspective. Wan wants Pleng to let her in. Pleng can't help but push everyone away.

As soon as Pleng starts to really come to terms with her feelings about Wan. That's when everything falls apart. Her dad kills himself, her mom goes into cardiac arrest, all of her family's assets are seized and she's now orphaned and staying with Wan's parents who clearly and vocally have no space for her. Pleng who was already struggling to find her footing before that fateful night now has absolutely nothing to stand on.

The break point is when Pleng finds out about Wan's academic achievements and that Wan had been hiding that truth about herself their entire lives. Wan has always been intelligent and capable but hidden herself behind a veil of ineptitude. Wan in loving Pleng puts her on a pedestal to her own detriment. She has no issue blighting her own light so that Pleng can shine but from the moment we meet 17 year old Pleng in the show we see her pushing Wan to better herself. Wan thinks loving Pleng means her own success doesn't matter whereas Pleng loves Wan and all of her potential.

They both love each selflessly but while Wan would burn the whole world to keep Pleng warm, Pleng loves Wan despite her own existence. So when Pleng leaves she writes,

"Your parents will feel at ease. And you'll finally get to live your life as your true self... I know you love me but I also want you to love yourself. And be proud of who you are."

For Pleng, her leaving is the ultimate way to show her love to Wan. A clean break. She runs away so Wan can thrive but here's the thing Wan needs Pleng to keep her grounded. Pleng does too but she can't see it at this point. Too much has happened and so, in her desperation she removes herself. She is her father's daughter after all.

So when 13 years pass and Wan has spent that entire time holding on to whatever she can to keep herself close to Pleng (becoming a doctor, riding a bike to work, marrying Ek, separating herself from her parents); Pleng has become a ghost of herself. Wan has imbued herself with all the things she thinks/knows Pleng would like while Pleng is stuck in a cycle that she can't get out of: play music, make a bit of money, pay rent, rest, repeat.

Pleng never reaches out to Wan because why would she? Her loving Wan means staying away and on top of that there's a sense of shame of what her life has become.

So when they finally meet again it's too much. Wan is successful but she's still clearly in love with Pleng and while it was all Wan's doing, in a way her success is a direct result of Pleng's influence. In removing herself, Pleng slowly begins to realize not just that she took Wan's smile with her but the why and how. Wan's changed and devoid of the joy and innocence that Pleng loved most.

They slowly fall back into their natural rhythms but Pleng still can't accept her own presence in Wan's life. Wan is back to pushing (albeit more aggressively then before - time was wasted) and in pushing Pleng, Pleng pushes back. If they take their relationship that one step further, what then? What if it falls apart? Why not just stay in a cycle where nothing shifts? What if there's another ringing shot in the distance and everything changes in a moment?

If there's one core trauma to Pleng as a character it's her desperation to not feel like a burden to anyone. Especially Wan. And then she finds out that Wan (though separated) is still married to Ek and she can't accept that she could have ruined Wan's potential happiness. Not understanding that Pleng herself is Wan's happiness. Pleng feels like a disruption because at the root of it the thing she wanted above all for Wan, "I also want you to love yourself. And be proud of who you are" is not something that Pleng accepts for herself.

I'll leave it there and hope the show navigates the situations that are about to come as well as they have so far but kudos as Affair manages to oh so gracefully skirt what could otherwise be an incredibly toxic relationship. Somehow they manage to give these two characters so much grace despite their flaws. And truly that's also a huge credit to Sonya and Lookmhee's abilities.

It's chaotic and messy but in coming back together these two might just realize that's how they both best shine.

#affair the series #affair #wanpleng #wan x pleng #thai gl #sonya saranphat #lookmhee punyapat #show analysis #I didn't even touch on it but these two are truly just stunning #And their acting abilities are incredible #Also this show is so wonderfully crafted despite its overuse of music cues #and there's no silly sound effects #if you haven't watched yet you really should #though don't know why anyone would have read all this otherwise #in fact #thailand is the gift that keeps on giving

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furiousgoldfish · 4 months ago

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When people hear stories about abuse, they often get fascinated and interested in the abuser, and the 'mystery' behind their behaviour. They'll want to analyze what happened to this person to make them act in such twisted and sadistic ways, and they want to find the past event or past abuse that would 'explain it all'. Abusers will also, very happily recount the past abuse whenever it's time to explain away their behaviour, so nobody could hold them accountable, because after all, they had had it rough! Of course they're now abusive, it's only natural.

Fascination with explaining away abuser's behaviour often leaves victim's situation forgotten and ignored. Victims are supposed to just 'get over it', not be so sensitive, and be careful to not turn into abusers themselves, because after all, being abused means you become an abuser, according to the abuser. Except it doesn't, and victims often don't end up abusing anyone else, especially not in the horrific ways they themselves have been abused. So we're having two opposing stories: one is told by the abuser, and it's easy, simple, explains everything away, and it says, abuse causes future abusers, I am the proof, I was abused and now I am like this. Victim's story goes: I was abused, and now I struggle to function, I have cptsd, I have flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, anxiety, eating disorder. I struggle with suicidal feelings and wishing I didn't exist. I feel like I'm not important at all in this world and like I have no community, no family, no home. Failure of everyone to help me while I was being abused caused me to feel like an outcast from society, someone who isn't a part of it, who doesn't matter. I would never do this to another person, I feel like a part of me was torn away into pieces and I struggle to put myself back together.

Now that story is complex, it implicates the society in failing to stop the abuse and making the victim's life worse, it showcases the actual consequences of abuse, which are not 'becoming evil', but feeling ultimately traumatized and damaged, struggling to find joy and happiness in life in the aftermath. Society doesn't want to hear that; it makes abuse into a problem that should collectively be dealt with, rather than pushing it all onto individuals who find themselves trapped in it and suffering. It's much easier to pretend that abuse just makes someone abusive, and for people who are abusive, we need to feel sorry for, because they were 'made to be like this', and for those abused, we just need to shame them and control them so they don't become abusive themselves.

There are abusers who have lived privileged lives, there are abusers who have been spoiled and rewarded for their acts of abuse. Most abusers don't show the symptoms of trauma nearly as bad as the victims of abuse do, they're most often just having the symptoms of 'I lash out my anger on those who cannot defend themselves' and 'everyone needs to feel sorry for me because I am having the roughest time on the planet'. Weird how the victims almost never develop these two symptoms! Victims will go and compare their situation to everyone who has it worse, and will struggle to express or direct anger at anything.

So what is the actual source of abuse, if not past trauma? There's no study or statistics that can tell us that for sure, and abusers are careful to maintain their story and are not interested in being studied past what makes people feel bad for them. I would guess that it's a mix of entitlement, being in a position of power over someone vulnerable, never having to develop empathy or compassion, being rewarded continuously for acts of abuse, and social influence (admiring other abusers and wanting the power they have). A lot of social structures support and enable abuse of those who are at the very bottom of it, with very few protections against it. A lot of people believe it's their right to abuse someone if they have the power over that person, and gain power specifically for that cause. Abusers will have children and believe this is their property and they can do whatever they please with it, abuse being a part of it.

If we don't know where abuse comes from, how do we combat it? I don't believe in feeling sorry for the abusers or giving them endless attention, chances, excuses and rationalizations; instead I believe we should stand firm on the fact that abuse is inexcusable, and will have consequences, regardless of how it came into their behaviour. If abuse always had consequences, regardless of the history of the abuser, they would know they can't get away with it, that they can't later make everyone feel sorry for them and go on with their sob stories. Abuse would get them punished, not sympathized with.

I also believe the abuser's point of view should be decentralized; it should be victims who get to speak. It's easy for the abuser to show themselves in the positive light, minimizing the abuse, insisting the victim provoked or wanted it, that it wasn't that bad and it was done with 'best intentions'. But if we listened to victims, we would quickly understand that anyone who can do this to another person is monstrous, and should not be extended any sympathy. Abusers don't extend their sympathy to the victims when they abuse, so why should they expect to get it? Society should take abuse more seriously and put defenses into place, so abusers are not as easily able to put it behind closed doors. Resources for recognizing abuse, especially child abuse and intimate abuse, should be taught, spread and shared in society, so nobody would be able to convince another that suffering abuse is normal, or justified.

One of the biggest barriers to escaping abuse is victim confessing what's been happening to a trusted family member or a friend, and then this family member or a friend shaming and blaming them for it, instead of offering help and protection. It takes a lot of courage to even say something out loud, knowing the abuser would punish them for it, and then to be punished externally for speaking out, it's devastating. If abuse was taken seriously, and victims understood to be fault-free, but singled out, isolated and hurt in a way that nobody should be, and it was understood it's a societal responsibility to protect them against this, it would be easier to speak out, and get support. It often takes a society to help someone get free, because abusers are hell-bent on abusing once they start to, the victims need multiple barriers before abusers could get anywhere near them.

And why shouldn't we want that? If we know there are people in society such as children, young people, people without regular income, poor people, disabled people, compassionate people, marginalized people, people who struggle to recognize and flag down predators, shouldn't we want to make sure they're protected? That nothing bad happens to them, and they're free to live their lives safe from those who would do them continuous harm and make them want to die? We want our young, old, kind, vulnerable, sensitive, disabled, poor, compassionate and marginalized people safe and happy. There's no reason to throw them under the bus and leave them to suffer abuse.

#abusers #origins of abuse #how to end abuse #abuser excuses #psychological abuse #child abuse #emotional abuse

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cats-artbag · 6 months ago

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SwapOut/Webcomic/Twitch PSA!

Hi everyone 👋🏻 Zk here >< or Cats, for older followers

So I've been getting back into doing SwapOut again, but I would like to appeal to everyone who reads and loves the comic. Much love to all of you who's still sticking around 🙏🏻💙 But something has also always been bothering me throughout this journey.

As many of us know, we artists do these comics for free (especially fan comics), starting them out of love and taking a LOT of time and energy out of our lives to continue making them.

And it's amazing how many of you come from translations or comic dubs on Youtube, which are also very well-done and take a lot of effort to make, much love to them too. There is a difference, however.

Monetization.

And I'm not asking for pity! I'm appealing for understanding.

Because some comic dubbers on Youtube are able to earn ad revenue from the videos they upload. From the beginning, we artists have given them the permission to dub our works. But we don't receive anything from it, nor do we usually charge them for using our art (against our better judgement).

We let them use our comic pages in their monetized videos for free. And occasionally these videos receive thousands and millions of views, which I imagine gives a decent amount of ad revenue, while the artists themselves don't usually earn anything from their own artwork, nor do we ever want to put it behind a paywall of any kind. (we like reading free comics too so don't worry x|)

... But doing full-colored comic pages for free eventually gets hard to sustain without any income from it, even more so when we need to give our time and energy to other jobs to earn money for a living instead. We legitimately keep going on our comics purely out of love. Truly, we would LOVE to do our own art for a living. There's things like Patreon but it's only feasible if we're also able to produce bonus content or show BTS, and only people willing to spend money for them can help us, and not readers who aren't able to.

And we understand that not everyone can afford to support us monetarily. And that's okay!

But if you love these comics and want to really help us to keep going, there ARE ways you can easily support us for free!

For example, affiliates on Twitch (like myself) are able to earn ad revenue very early on (they must have at least 50 followers, quite a requirement, but still easier to obtain than Youtube's 1000 subscribers).

(my Youtube, btw. not much rn but drop a subscribe?)

But simply put, if the vast majority of readers from the yt numbers visit and stay for ads on the artists' Twitch streams (remember to have adblocker disabled for the site, if any), they'll be making an actual, physical contribution to the artist themselves, at no cost whatsoever. We earn up to 55% from any ads that run on our stream, so the more viewers, the better!

(this is my twitch on average 8 viewers, with a 3 hour stream. again, the more the better!)

(ofc you can also buy subs to watch ad-free and supports me directly, but i'm typing all this to share the free ways people can support their fave creators ✨)

And even if that doesn't work out, I'd be happy enough to see most of you there 🙏🏻💙 I've been treating my streams as work, so I'm striving not to break the streak.

So drop a follow on my Twitch, and catch the streams when you can! They're great if you need company or background noise, and also great for co-working~

Currently streaming WEEKLY, Mondays, Wednesdays (SwapOut) and Saturdays, 10.30AM EST

(art by @cupcakepaints)

>> twitch.tv/zkcats <<

Anyway thanks for listening to my Ted talk, please share this around for others as well >< 🙏🏻 Artists, make this a reblog chain or something! Promo your stuff!

And apologies for the essay, I wasn't expecting to type this much sdghsgh this itself is not an ad for Twitch or whatev, I'm just a little frustrated with needing to juggle all this.

I was also considering hosting SwapOut somewhere that could get ad revenue, but I wasn't sure where until I realized I can probably earn that from my Tapas now (i think?? sdfhgh up to 70% ad revenue there but i haven't seen any yet) So maybe I'll post there a day earlier than here or something? We'll see. Go subscribe there! Check it out! Reread it! Help ME help YOU!

... Much appreciated ><

#catschats #undertale #webcomic #swapoutcomicupdate #typed this out mostly for people who aren't aware that ads support streamers etc.#im super tired now wheezee but im living

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crowleysgirl56 · 3 months ago

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The vast majority of people who work on a show are paid upfront for their labour

They don't get paid dependent on how successful a show is

They also don't do work that doesn't get paid- if they are working on a show that gets cancelled, they get paid for the work they did

All this 'stream GO for the hard workers behind the scenes' is bullshit

They work for companies are will be put on different projects

Just be honest that you want more GO (despite the message that it sends to studios- that audiences are ok with abusers! Just turn a blind eye to them! Yes that gives them more power but who cares because people will watch and make them money!)

Don't pretend your doing this for moral reasons

(And acting like you're doing this for Terry- for all we know he might want his work with an abuser completely destroyed- it's stupid to assume he'd want the series to be continued)

Like say this shit with your chest, you know?

Oh boy, ok. Gonna take a minute to answer this.

Firstly, I and a lot of the fandom, are heartbroken over what NG has done. Because we were duped into thinking he was a decent person. From the things that he wrote to the things that he said we thought that he was good person. And it is horrible that there are people out there suffering because yet another rich powerful white man decided he had the right to take advantage of them.

You seem rather angry and if that anger stems because you have experienced something similar yourself then I hope you have love and support around you so that you can heel.

If you want to talk about money, let me remind you that NG has already been paid for season 3. He will continue to get royalties, and thanks to the writers strike last year, he will now get more money for those royalties than before. If S3 doesn’t go ahead then hundreds of people will lose their jobs. Will they get other jobs? Sure, maybe. But any loss of job in this current economic climate is terrible and stressful (and I’m not talking about DT or MS here. They’ll get more work).

I don’t know if you understand how hyper fixation in neurodiversity works, but this is extremely painful for some people and takes a lot of time and energy and therapy to get over when a hyper fixation is threatened or taken away. Some people, like myself, need closure for things otherwise we can find it extremely difficult to move on emotionally. This obviously does not compare to someone trying to survive after SA, but emotional diversity can be extremely debilitating as well. They are apples and oranges to compare, but you can’t invalidate one person’s pain because you think another person’s pain is worth more.

As for the show itself, there is so little queer representation in media. There is a lot more nowadays compared to a decade ago, or even 5 years ago, but the little representation we have is so extremely important. Do you know how many people have found a truth to themselves thanks to GO? How many people discovered something about themselves that finally gives them answer to how they feel? How at the age of 40 I finally realised that I’m asexual and NOT BROKEN. That’s fucking important.

And this. ALL of this is why everyone, including me, are so fucking angry with NG. Because he has left us emotionally devastated. He has not just physically hurt these women. He has emotionally hurt hundreds of thousands of people. He is a stain.

I have spoken before when this all first happened about how I was angry that my one teeny tiny corner of the internet that made me happy was on fire. I left for a bit. I came back. I want to continue to interact with like minded people who love this fandom. I won’t stop that.

And frankly, and here’s the last I’ll say on this, the world is on fire. It is filled with a lot of fucking awful shit right now. I have suffered a very deep depression of late where some nights after I put the kids to bed I just stare and cry. You don’t know that about me because I don’t say those kinds of things on the internet, because our internet personas are facades. They’re not real. They’re not true life. I’m a real person and I’m aching inside about so many things. And these kinds of messages are just breaking me further. Seriously, when you send stuff like this do you even consider that?! So when I decide to hold onto one of the last bastions of entertainment that brings me joy, I’m not going to be guilted into dropping it because someone involved happens to be a monster. Because let me tell you if we did that every time someone turned out to be horrible, then we would never watch or enjoy anything ever again. EVERYTHING you watch or listen to or enjoy or like or cared about is connected to someone who is horrible or produced by a gigantic evil corporation (Nestle, Disney, Microsoft, Facebook, Google just to name a few). Every. Single. Thing. It’s the clothing you wear, the electronics you buy, the food you eat, the furniture in your house, and ALL the entertainment you consume. So if you gave up everything for some moral stance, then you would literally have nothing left.

Dropping Good Omens does nothing. It sends no message to anyone because the next really fucking awful person is about to produce the next big thing you might happen to love and care about. So what’s the point?

Let me have Good Omens. You don’t like that, then you can block me. That’s what the button is there for. You don’t need to send anonymous hateful messages. And if you want me to “say this shit with my chest” maybe you can send me an ask with the Anonymous off. So I can see your chest too.

I’m turning off anonymous asks now. Considering the only asks I’ve ever received is abusive shit telling me to kill myself or saying David Tennant is a paedophile or just telling me I’m a horrible person for supporting NG (when I’ve already stated before that I don’t anymore).

Sorry for those who’ve managed to get to the end here. Thanks for reading if you have, sorry it was so long. I hope you aren’t receiving the same type of messages. If Anonymous has read this far, I don’t know, maybe think twice before being horrible to random people on the internet?

#good omens #Neil Gaiman #Neil Gaiman ruined everything #neil gaiman allegations #seriously he fucking ruined the one thing that was giving me joy right now and I hate him for that #good omens fandom

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luvlunajpg · 7 months ago

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Insecurities

♡ pairing: johnnie x Plus size female reader

♡ summary: You caught johnnie doing something unexpected which ends up in losing your virginity

♡ classification: fluff and smut

♥︎ anon note: hey guys! Luna here ( ^ω^ )

This fanfic was requested by a fellow reader from my previous fanfic. This was a challenge for me as insecurities comes in many forms and i fear that i would trigger any of my beautiful johnnie girlies out there :( . I sincerely apologise if there is any part of the story triggered you or made you feel like its not accurate to what body insecurities actually feels like. Some people go through insecurities differently and i really want you to know that no matter how different we are, everyone is beautiful periodt. I love you guys so much! Thank you for the love and support on my previous fanfic.

XOXO Luna ♥︎

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆.✧˚ ༘˚⋆ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆

You and Johnnie have been dating for awhile and today just happens to be your anniversary with him. Since Johnnie is busy streaming, you suggest that the both of you to stay at home to watch movies and cuddle the whole night. You and johnnie were never the kind of couple to celebrate publicly. Both of you prefer to just spend time with eachother at home where you and johnnie can have more privacy.

You prepare the blankets, pillows and picked up the delivered food at your doorstep. After preparing for the night you giggled at the set up and took a picture to post it on social media. After admiring your efforts, you head over to Johnnie’s office to peek on his progress on the livestream. As you were few steps closer to his office, your heart immediately sank hearing your boyfriends moans and groans through the door. Your brain was flooded with all kinds of scenarios. Was he lying? What is he doing? Is he facetiming another girl? Why is he moaning like that? Why would he do that during a livestream?

You spare no time and immediately slammed the door open. Johnnie gasped and threw his phone across the room and tries his best to hide his boner. You were in tears, your heart broke into a million pieces, you couldn’t stop sobbing and soon enough you fell to your knees in front of him.

“Noo.. baby please.. i’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-“ johnnie got cut off by sharp slap across his face

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD CHEAT ON ME ON OUR ANNIVERSARY JOHNNIE HOW COULD YOU!” You cried to your hands feeling your heart crumble even more hearing him apologise. Johnnie sigh and grab his phone to show you a picture of yourself in a skirt and heart garter suspenders. That picture was posted this morning as you just put that outfit together for an upcoming concert next week.

“I was masturbating ok… Im sorry Y/N you look so hot in that outfit i couldn’t help myself. I know how you feel towards sex and i respect that but i just can’t help myself. I’m- i’m so sorry Y/N..” johnnie sighs in disappointment.

He cups your face before breaking down into tears, leaving you more heartbroken than before. You’ve always told Johnnie how insecure you are with your body which made you never want to lose your virginity anytime soon. You have always been on the plus size side ever since High school, you have never had a boyfriend and Johnnie just so happens to love you just the way you are. But you were not ready because you were afraid of the way Johnnie would see you afterwards. You have zero experience in sex and you’re also insecure on how you would look like during sex. After seeing your boyfriend sob on your thighs, you start to realise how Johnnie is more than perfect to be the one to be your first. He has been accepting your flaws since day one and still continue to accept it until now.

“Johnnie.. i’m ready.” You lift johnnie’s head to meet his teary blue eyes.

“No baby please, i don’t want to force you. I want you to be sincerely ready.” Johnnie shook his head and holds your hand tight.

“I would never want to lose it to anyone else Johnnie Guilbert. I want you to be my first.” You smiled at him to assure him that you really wanted this. Johnnie pecks your forehead and tells you to get yourself ready so that you are more comfortable. You nodded in response before heading out to shave, shower and wear an outfit that was meant for Johnnie only. A black bra and the same miniskirt and garter suspenders that was in the post. After looking at yourself in the mirror for one last time you head to you and Johnnie’s shared bedroom only to see the room being dim and a few rose petals sprinkled on the bed.

“You like it..? I want it to be more romantic for us.” Johnnie asks as he wraps his arms around your waist, hugging you from the back. You turned around and kissed Johnnie on the lips feeling his lip ring brushing against your lips

“Its perfect my love” you stroke Johnnie’s cheeks as he admires your outfit. He bit his lips admiring you from head to toe as he lightly pushes you on the bed. He strips himself leaving him with only his boxers and continue to kiss you passionately. Your tongues are wrestling in eachothers mouth as Johnnie unclasp your bra exposing your nipple piercing

“Holy fuck Y/N…” johnnie groans as that is his first time seeing them. You immediately got embarrassed and covered your boobs, feeling your face heat up every second. “Hey baby.. its okay. They’re so beautiful. Can’t wait to feel them against my tongue” Johnnie assures as he slowly removes your hands pinning them above your head as he licks the tip of your nipples gently before swirling them around in his mouth. You were a moaning mess, it felt so good you threw your head back on the bed. Johnnie moves on from your nipples and leaves a trail of kisses from your chest all the way to your belly. He removes every last bit of your clothing leaving you naked infront of him, johnnie steps back abit to see his beautiful naked girlfriend laying down infront of him. You felt your insecurities rising from the tip of your toes to the roots of your hair, you immediately sit up and covered your body as your face turns red again.

Johnnie smiles in awe as he removes your hands from your body kissing every part he touches.

“Baby you’re so beautiful… don’t cover up. I love you so so much, the wait was so worth it my love” johnnie says as he leaves kisses from your face all the way to your entrance.

He licks his lips before dragging his tongue on your entrance causing you to moan and grip onto his hair. Johnnie smoothly licks your folds as his thumb massages your clit leaving you a moaning mess under his touch. As you grew wetter, johnnie removes his boxers pressing his hard length against your wetness. He gives you a peck on the nose before pushing himself slowly into you causing you to groan as you feel your walls stretch around his dick. Johnnie gives you time to adjust as he never stops giving you kisses on your neck and face, he holds your hand tight to give you more support. You nodded to assure him to continue, johnnie nods back in response thrusting slowly in and out of you leaving him a groaning mess.

“Fuck! Y/n you’re so tight” Johnnie moaned out as his thrusts are getting faster and harder, but not hard enough for you to feel pain. You were moaning against johnnie’s chest as you feel yourself coming close.

“Fuck johnnie! I’m going to-“ your sentence got cut off as you squeal and cum all over Johnnie’s big length. Seconds later Johnnie pulls out and cum all over the bedsheet as he rolls his eyes to the back before plopping himself down onto the empty spot beside you. After the both of you catch your breaths you wrap your arms around johnnie’s chest cuddling into his skin.

“happy anniversary my beautiful queen” johnnie says as he kisses your head before heading to sleep with you.

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆.✧˚ ༘˚⋆ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ ༘˚⋆ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹

#johnnie guilbert x reader #johnnie fanfiction #johnnie guilbert smut fanfic #johnnie guilbert fluff #johnnie guilbert fanfiction #johnnie guilbert smut #johnnie guilbert fanfic #johnnie x reader #johnnie smut #jake and johnnie #johnnie guilbert #johnnie guilbert smut and fluff #johnnie guilbert x femreader

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pink-onyx-au · 1 year ago

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[Jump to the Episode Master List]

[Looking for something? Jump to the Archive] (Browser Only)

Nap time! Thank you everyone for your continued support and interaction! I adore it and it adds so much more to the AU than you could know. This is a heads up on some minor down-time for the blog while I rest up and prepare the next episode.

Notes and asks are still open and encouraged during this time! Bored and want to chat? Send me a message!

To see some WIP, storyboard previews, doodles, shitposts, and other projects I’m working on, along with a healthy amount of 3am memes, head over to my trash fire blog, Ceephor’s Shit Show. The "pink onyx au" tag will filter everything for you, along with showing you fabulous fan art made by others that I just love to pieces.

Speculation and theories are encouraged! The comic is designed as close to the show’s logic as I could muster, which means many secrets are staring right at you, provided you know what to look for! Just be kind to one another.

Comic FAQ:

What is this?

Pink Onyx AU is a Steven Universe AU focused on interactions between Steven and Jasper and is intended to be read after you have finished Steven Universe Future, as it contains many many spoilers for the series. If you have watched it already, great! Welcome! The goal is to bring you a Jasper redemption arc that we couldn’t get due to time and cooperate restraints on the Crewniverse. I hope you enjoy!

I do not own these characters or their likenesses except for the single fluffy thembo fusion I created for the story. This is just a fan comic.

Comic is PG-13 for some angsty/touchy themes, minor blood, violence, and gem-cussing. Touchy-subjects will always be in a cartoon-ish metaphorical representation you would likely find on TV and be available for multiple interpretations.

When do you post?

Typically when you see this post pinned, I’m on a bit of a break, but when Nyx wakes up (this post goes away) the comic is due to be released 1 page at a time at 7am EST most days. I try for a daily release. Sometimes I skip a day if I’m behind. Episode release dates are always announced ahead of time by a few weeks.

Is this a romantic ship AU between Jasper and Steven?

Nope, more like an aunt and her nephew trying to figure it all out. No romance between these two here.

Is your Tapas updated at the same time?

Nope, tumblr comes first, and the tumblr will always have bonus content which Tapas will not. The Tapas for this updates after the tumblr version is completed. Usually same day or within a day.

Do you have a reference for Onyx? Sure do!

How do I use the ask system for this blog?

You can leave a message, or even an object, for the characters to interact with. The asks you leave can be answered by myself, Onyx, Steven or Jasper within the realm of this AU. Your asks will have no effect on the comic story. Think of it like the actors are in their dressing rooms and you get to give them a poke while they take a break! As the comic story progresses, their replies to your answers may change! Their responses will be in-character depending on where in the story we are.

My note by the den (an ask) was never answered. How come?

Lots and lots of asks come in every day. I wish I could answer them all! Since I draw something to go with most answers, especially the character ones, they do take a bit of time. Sometimes, I get duplicates of the same ask, or an ask that may refer to something that spoils the story if I answer it. I might hang onto those asks for a later time! Or group them into categories to answer all at once. I hoard asks for 1 year in an attempt to get to them. If I missed yours, know I tried and I love them anyway! I hope it does not discourage you in the future.

Curious about the characters? Check below the cut for more a detailed FAQ about the inner workings of the story. Love you all! See you soon! 🧡💕❤️

FAQ’s about the characters generated via interactive asks:

What kind of fusion is Pink Onyx? Are they good or bad? Pink Onyx is a fusion of a protagonist and an antagonist, so their alliance is yet unknown, but they have Steven’s good heart and Jasper’s loyal nature. They also have Steven and Jasper’s flaws, so they can be volatile and emotionally explosive at times, too.

What are Pink Onyx’s pronouns? Onyx likes they/them, but also answers to he/him and she/her, especially when Steven or Jasper is dominant over one another. They also seem to take on a fluid role and prefer a she/her when in a caretaker status. They dislike it/its.

What does Pink Onyx sound like? Personally, I hear them as a youthful, masculine tone. Like Steven if a little older. But I also enjoy when people say they hear them as a gruff, Amazonian-type feminine. I enjoy and endorse both.

Do Jasper and Steven enjoy being fused to one another? For now, it is a struggle, but they enjoy what the other brings to the fusion even if they won’t say it.

Does Pink Onyx need to eat and do human things? If so, do they enjoy it? They don’t need to do them, but they do feel the discomfort without them. Things like breathing, eating, and sleeping are optional for Onyx, but they will become quite irritable if not allowed to do them. They greatly enjoy sleeping and trying new foods.

What does Jasper think about having human organs when fused? She’s pretty grossed out by the idea of organic matter going into her mouth and coming out of other places. The heart beating and lungs breathing she can feel for the first time, and it is highly strange for her to experience.

What is Pink Onyx’s favorite food? They adore anything watermelon flavored and Cookie-cat ice cream products

Does Pink Onyx have any special fusion powers? They do, and as they learn about themselves, more powers seem to come out. Each of their base component appears to be enhanced in a unique way. They have Pink Diamond at their core, so the destructive potential is also there.

Why is Steven hiding Pink Onyx from others? This AU occurs directly after the events of "I Am My Monster", so Steven is very emotionally, and mentally, raw. He fears judgement for running back to Jasper, who in the past, was part of so much trauma he already endured.

Pink Onyx seems to know nothing about human culture and gem culture despite being a fusion. What’s going on? Jasper and Steven agreed to fuse, but they have yet to open up to one another about much else. The fusion exists because they agree to do so, but Jasper won’t open up about her emotions, and Steven is so sensitive yet that he is not sharing because he knows Jasper won’t want to hear it. This causes Onyx to be unable to access both of their memories easily, but they can bring it out with enough effort.

#pink onyx au #steven universe au #steven universe #steven universe future #c423art #ceephorart #pink onyx #fusion #jasper #steven #Nyx nap #faq

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restinslices · 10 months ago

Note

Earth realm boys dating a popstar???? 👀👀👀👀

“Send me ideas guys” *proceeds to hit brain block* I didn’t know if you wanted the Lin Kuei Bros or Syzoth involved but imma add this little rule/guideline(?) so I don’t throw myself down the stairs. So the Earthrealm Boys will be Johnny, Kenshi, Kung Lao, Raiden and Liu Kang. Lin Kuei Bros are Bi-Han, Kuai Liang and Tomas. You can also ask for specific characters but IMMA LET YALL KNOW RIGHT NOW y’all have a limit of FIVE people per post or I’m sleeping in traffic.

Johnny Cage

If you think Johnny Cage is anything other than excited, you're wrong.

There's no way he doesn't enjoy dating a pop star.

He'd tell you how great your names sound together. Johnny Cage the movie star and you the pop star.

He's probably asked you if your songs can be in his movies.

I think he'd be extremely supportive. Sometimes a little overbearing. Some people might enjoy him wanting to come to every show, while some people may say “dude, calm down”.

Your ringtone on his phone is one of your songs for sure

He also asks for some of your merch for free since ya know, debt 😀

If there's a dance that goes along with it, I can definitely see him learning it and showing you how good (bad) he is

Please let him be in your music videos. He's on his knees begging

He has such a huge ego, he'd probably say something like “you can't possibly turn down an A lister like me”

He's so President of your fanclub

He also posts exclusives of you on his social media

This may sound selfish but he's hoping your popularity will increase his. When we meet him, his fame is dying out so he's hoping being seen with you will remind people he exists

Don't get it misconstrued though. He adores you. He just can't help but have these thoughts

Probably makes you promise to dedicate a song to him too. Realistically he wants an album but he'll take whatever

He's so Ken coded to me and remember, Ken only has a great day if Barbie looks at him. You're his Barbie, regardless of gender

Kenshi Takahashi

Considering the fact that he's on the run from the Yakuza, uhhhh he's not the happiest

Is he proud? Yeah. But dating him puts a huge target on your back. Kenshi can hide. You, as a popstar, can't do that. You're always in the spotlight. And since the Yakuza got connections, they'd find out somehow.

He'd encourage you to take a break until things cool over. Only problem is he doesn't know when that'd be, and the music industry is competitive. You don't have time to be on a break. People could forget about you.

Under any other circumstance, he'd be happy for you. Not many people can make it in the music industry. There are tons of people who have big plans but settle for less.

In any other circumstance he'd listen to your songs, spread the word about your concerts, buy your merch cause he's not in debt, even attend a few concerts.

Now though, he's uptight and worried. Every concert you have he's worried will be your last. Any fan meet you have he's worried will end in death.

I honestly think he'd try to actively avoid anything that has to do with your career. It's a constant reminder that you're doing the exact opposite of what he's asking you to and you're putting yourself in danger. This could possibly cause a lot of arguments since he could come off as controlling when in reality he's worried and trying to be cautious

He's trying to avoid anything to do with your career but every playlist he has has your songs sprinkled throughout them

Overall he's proud of you but life has him pretty uptight. He'll be his normal self once he restores his clan.

Kung Lao

This cocky little shit is so hype his partner is famous

I can see him talking about your music with others like “my partner? They make music. You probably know them. I don't know yours though cause they're unknown. How are y'all paying the bills?”

You tell him not to do that but he continues anyway. Everyone had to know how awesome you were compared to them

Idk why I have this scene in my head of him buying your concert tickets to sell it again but make it more expensive. I legit don't know why but I couldn't ignore it.

Kung Lao has such a huge ego and your success does not help that. In fact, it makes it worse

How many people can say they're dating a popstar? Or anyone famous for that matter?

I can see him “helping” with lyrics but the shit he tries to add is dog shit so you do not add it, which he does not get.

“I have an ear for music” “An ear. Not a talent”

Starts a fanclub and forces Raiden to be involved

You'd think he's the popstar with how much pride he has when it comes to your career

Like Kenshi, he has a whole playlist dedicated to you and your songs are sprinkled throughout his other playlists

If you ask for his honest opinion on a song, he's gonna give you his honest opinion so be prepared. It's like asking a kid if a jacket makes you look fat.

He doesn't mean to be malicious. He just can't have you releasing bad shit. His approach just isn't the best but it's all with love

“What do you think about Bubblegum?” “The chorus isn't catchy at all if I'm being honest. You've definitely made better”

He'd help though by saying what he liked from other songs and it'd steer you in the right direction

Your career? No. Y'ALL career. UterUS type shit

In all seriousness, he's very happy that out of all the celebrities you could be with, you chose a non celebrity like him.

Raiden

Honestly I don't think anyone would even know you're dating. He's just too shy.

With Johnny, he's famous and has no shame so that's how people know you're together. The Yakuza is out here so that's how they know about you and Kenshi. Kung Lao is Kung Lao, idk how else to explain it. With Raiden though, I don't think he'd want your fans to know you're dating.

He's shy and also values privacy and you respect that. Your fans know you're dating someone just not who.

He probably has a second account he uses to stay up to date with fan discourse

Likes every edit of you and shows you them.

“Were you looking these up?” “I… don't know what you could possibly mean”

I don't think he's a big concert person. I don't know why. At least not a huge, no personal space type of concert. So I think he'd do other things to support like using that second account to promote your activities, reposting edits, and buying your stuff.

Knowing his luck, that second account for privacy and being sneaky would end up getting fans attention. He'd become the main update page everyone goes to. Guess he wasn't sneaky enough

Probably asks you to sing to him when it's quiet

Has bought a poster of you and forgot to take it down when you came over

“Kung Lao put that up” “Mhm, sure”

He has two hats. His normal hat and a hat that has stickers of you on it. Kung Lao or Johnny probably did it to tease him but he kept it anyway

Dedicate a song to him and watch how flustered he gets. He'd be so honored

If you had an MV and there was a love interest in it, he wouldn't wanna be jealous but it'd happen.

Everytime he sees you perform or hears you, he falls deeper in love. Like Kung Lao, he's very happy you picked him to be your love and muse

Liu Kang

He probably saw this coming based on your life in the past timeline

Knowing how the past timelines were though, your life was probably chaotic and your music career was probably disturbed by the constant threats

Seeing you just having fun and making music in this timeline would make him extremely happy and proud of himself for creating such a peaceful timeline (at first)

Liu Kang has glowing eyes so there's a chance concerts aren't happening, but I think he'd still stream your music like everyone else

Would probably try to keep you far away from any disturbances. When he takes his champions to Outworld, he makes up a lie. He doesn't want what you're passionate about disturbed at all

Supportive in the sense that he's always going to say “yes” to whatever ideas you have. A breakup song? Great idea. A fun party song? Awesome. A fan meet? Sounds fun.

He genuinely just wants you happy this time and music makes you happy.

You could talk him into using his fire as some background effect as long as others won't see

He talks you into doing smaller performances at Madam Bo's. You're spying on Raiden and Kung Lao without even knowing

Whenever you find out about the shit storm going on, he does not want you involved and will say so. He wants you to focus on your passion and let him take care of it. Whether you do or not is up to you

After all that though you'd probably end up making music for Johnny's movie about shit that happened. He doesn't disapprove but thinks you can do better than make a soundtrack for Johnny 'Big Mouth’ Cage

Secret fanboy. Forced to act all serious all the time but he's mumbling your lyrics under his breath, even if it's super cutesy.

He's just so happy for you. I know I keep repeating it but you probably DIED in the past timeline or some shit so seeing you happy and just living? It shows his efforts for peace paid off.

I usually say smth after but idk what to say. I wanna start art commissions so bad but half bodies are kicking my ass. I’m finna start tweaking fr

#mk1 #mk1 2023 #mortal kombat 1 #johnny cage #johnny cage mk1 #johnny cage x reader #kenshi takahashi #kenshi takahashi mk1 #kenshi takashi x reader #kung lao #kung lao mk1 #kung lao x reader #raiden #raiden mk1 #raiden mortal kombat #raiden x reader #liu kang #liu kang mk1 #liu kang x reader

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calicomarie11 · 1 month ago

Text

Buck grabs one chocolate chip cookie and hesitates before snatching up 3 more to add to the growing pile of food on his plate. He ignores Tommy’s raised eyebrows as he loads up on junk food from the appetizer and dessert buffet laid out on Bobby and Athena’s new dining room table.

“What?” he asks with a frown.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat a cookie,” Tommy comments.

“Well if I’m going to have to sit through this I want carbs,” Buck pouts.

Tommy sighs, and Buck knows he’s been whining about this party for the last two weeks, but damn it, he’s still annoyed that Bobby and Athena’s Housewarming party is coinciding with the premier of season 3 of Hotshots.

“We agreed to come and support Bobby,” Tommy says reasonably.

“But he doesn’t even work on the show anymore,” Buck points out. “He’s back where he belongs at the 118. I just want to put the past 4 months behind us and focus on the future.”

Tommy takes his plate away and sets it on a clear spot on the table so he can take Buck’s hands in his, thumbs rubbing soothingly over Buck’s knuckles.

“Baby, it’s one night that we get to spend with your family…”

“Your’s too,” Buck interrupts.

Tommy’s nose scrunches as he continues without acknowledging the interruption, “and it means a lot to them to have you here. It’s just a show and those are just actors playing characters. Yes, there are some similarities to your experiences but those characters have grown and changed in different ways from you. Everyone knows it’s all make believe and they’re not going to judge you based on a tv show.”

It’s Buck’s turn to sigh, knowing he’s being ridiculous when everyone else seems to be okay with their lives being used as plot fodder for Taylor’s show. Heck, last week Bobby gave the actor who plays him a tour of the firehouse and allowed him to come for a ride along.

“Okay. I will eat my carbs and try to keep my opinions to myself.” Buck grudgingly agrees.

“It might not be that bad,” Tommy says. “It’s a good show.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it,” Buck scoffs.

Tommy lets him go so he can grab his plate and pile a few more lemon bars on top of the mountain of junk before they join the rest of the crew in Bobby and Athena’s new living room.

————

As the trailer for the next episode plays the room is quiet, everyone’s eyes darting to and away from Buck and Tommy where they have claimed a corner of the couch, no one wanting to be the first to break the silence.

It’s Bobby who breaks the stalemate, rising from his seat. “I”m going to start cleaning up, if anyone wants to pitch in.”

He escapes to the kitchen and is quickly followed by Athena, Chim, Maddie, Karen, Hen, and Eddie, leaving Buck and Tommy alone, the noise from the next show (something ridiculous set on a cruise ship) barely covering the noise of everyone talking at once in the next room.

Buck turns to Tommy, a knowing smirk on his face. “So how does it feel to have an actor playing you on tv?”

Tommy is still staring straight ahead, a stunned expression on his face. “How, why, that’s not how it happened. There’s no way Johnny is based on me.”

Buck just chortles. “Sure, there’s no way the hotshot helicopter pilot who flew into a lightning storm to rescue Cap and Artemis from the top of a mountain that was on fire is you. The pilot who was roped into helping by Shaft and Bea, his old colleagues, and who took Sandy and Ricky along too.”

“Where are they getting their information?” Tommy asks, eyes darting around the room looking for hidden cameras.

“They didn’t get everything right,” Buck says, shit eating grin firmly in place. “It took you a lot longer to kiss me than it took Johnny to plant one on Sandy.”

Tommy turns to Buck then, deadpan as always. “Well Sandy was a lot more obvious about his interest than you were.”

Buck squawks and hits him gently on the shoulder. “Hey, bisexual revelations take time.” He snuggles down next Tommy, linking their hands together. “But really, are you okay?” He tilts his head back to look up at Tommy.

Tommy lets out a slow breath. “Yeah, I’ll be okay. I’m starting to see why you were weirded out by the whole thing.”

They sit quietly for a while, the sounds of laughter and conversation from the kitchen washing over them. Buck squeezes Tommy’s hand.

“So, what do you think their ship name will be? I’m thinking Jandy, but maybe they’ll go with Sohny. Oh, or Jolaine could be cool.”

Tommy snorts and shakes his head. “It’s lucky you’re adorable,” he says, before leaning down for a kiss.

(Read on AO3)

5 times the Firefam talks about the show Hotshots and the 1 time they watch it together

#evan buck buckely #tommy kinard #tevan #bucktommy #911 fic #fluff and crack

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goron-king-darunia · 1 month ago

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Eggtober 4th, 2024

"Tears" Raw Egg on a Field of Blue.

(Krita, Chalk Detail Default Brush, 10 minutes, 6 colors.) Slapping the @quezify right up front for a change. Egg king showing off everyone's amazing egg art is really nice and I look forward to all the new eggs every day.

I also actually really like how this brush handles, where more pressure smooths out the lines and less pressure gives you that lovely texture.

Regarding life kicking my ass recently, I had a cry about it today. More accurately it was difficult to do much except cry. But maybe saying that already gives too much away. I'll be okay eventually. But for a good long while, I'm going to be a bit of a mess. But that's alright. It's part of being alive. At least I hope I believe that at the end of all this. Once again, if you know me and know why, keep that in your heart and keep supporting me through this. It means more than you guys know. And if you know me and don't know the specifics, know that it's not because I don't trust you. It's half because I don't want to burden you all with it and half because you guys being normal is so fucking good for my head right now. It really helps having some of you in the dark and just treating me normally for the most part.

I'm doing my best to take care of myself, so just keep being absolutely amazing people, all of you. It really helps so much just having y'all here while life is being an absolute rat bastard. I hope everyone having a rough time enjoys the eggs. When I get my brain to behave, I find drawing eggs really soothing. If Eggtober somehow ever stops being a thing, I might still keep drawing eggs by default as a casual doodle. Eggs and Polwigles are just really nice to draw...

If you would like to support me in this time of ass-kick and suffering, please continue sending me lots of things that you enjoy, cute animal videos, funny youtube shorts, cute art, whatever. Or feel free to join me in Eggtober and draw some eggs with me.

I may be off my game for a while yet, but I am going to keep on chugging. I adore you all. Like all things, even difficulties in life must pass. Even if I have trouble believing it right now. As long as everyone else out there believes it for me when I can't, I know I'll be okay.

#my art #art by GKD #Eggtober 4 2024 #Eggtober 2024 #raw eggs #I hope I'm not being too much of a downer #being able to yell into the internet void at strangers helps

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lordfreg · 2 months ago

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Hello all,

TW for p3d0ph!l!a, z00ph!l!a

Today, I have gotten some allegations against myself for being a pedo + zoophile. This is not true.

As many of you know who are in the TMNT fandom and enjoy the spicy side of these turtles, you often get accused of this. It is unfortunate but true. I knew this was coming, but I feel like I must explain myself further.

As you know, I have a patron. This was actually made prematurely, and is sort of bad, so that will be closing shortly (I apologize). And on this patron, is the option to see "sexy turtles", but nobody has signed up for this and I have no patron exclusive content (yet).

Apparently, this is pedophilia and zoophilia.

(They have conveniently left out the "mutant" part)

This is not true. All the turtles are aged up, which I thought would be implied in the fact that I only (really) draw for the EPA au, and they are visibly, mentally and emotionally older than their cannon counterparts. I.e. wrinkles, more pronounced features, bulkier.

This may be my mistake for wording this poorly, or not taking the proper measures, but you would think the implication, and my two different art styles, would be a major difference.

Anyway, the zoophilia claim is also ridiculous because... seriously? My explanation for this is that they are not only canonically human, they also have been confirmed human DNA. Enough to make them stand on two legs, walk, talk, read, cry, enough human to make them, well.. human.

Another reason is that (rise) Donnie has autism; which is a brain malformation. This means his brain is big enough to not only be malformed, but still functioning. A real turtles brain isn't big enough to be deformed in that way, and if it was, the turtles would unfortunately die.

Continuing, I had the claim that I was "15" because I had put a 18+ only warning on my content. I am not.

AN IMPORTANT ELEMENT; I have put the 18+ warning not because of the sex, but because it contains extreme violence and triggering topics. Sex is NOT the main focus of this AU, or any of my works unless stated "this is for fun/this is because I wanted to/this is explicit" etc. My au is to delve into trauma, war, violence, sexual trauma (to both male and female), and generally bring awareness to things and help support people. It is NOT just smut.

This, again, could have been my sever lack of forethought and under-explaining my au, simply because I didn't actually know what my au would be about/contain. Again, I take responsibility for my poor wording and lack of (more) warnings.

Also, this person is actually just bullying me with my old self ship art (which i still love and adore), so... pity points?

More on myself; I'm coming to the realization (after years of being hypersexual), that sex is not a priority to me, nor is it something that I feel a strong compulsion to make/indulge in. I am not a sexual deviant, meaning I do NOT support harmful sexual behaviors. Zoophilia is actively taking advantage of animals, which I am not, and will never do.

It is unfortunate that some people genuinely cannot control themselves, but I am not one of those people.

I honestly have no idea what I've done to this person to make them put me on blast, and whatever it is, I'm sorry. I will, again, be taking down my patron page to start over, and I apologize to my patrons already, but it's sucky.

Again, sorry about this and for everyone who goes through this. I am sorry, dear friend, that you're writhing with jealousy. And I am sorry, patrons, that I have to close my patron. I love all my followers, and I try my best to send the "Thanks for the follow" to show my appreciation.

Myself and @lexiechr will continue to work on the EPA au, and that will be posted when ready.

(Also, my Instagram is now private because I don't want harassment nor people thinking I'm a bad person. I am just being bullied and bring a socially awkward idiot about it.)

Again, much love, Jorjie :3

#freg speaks #fregart #freg art #update #tw pedophila mention #tw zoophile mention #faulse allegations #tw bullying #tw bullies #im soooooo over this person for real

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inkedberries · 21 days ago

Note

Hey! Prefacing this by saying that this isn't meant to be an attack (which generally isn't a great way to start a message but I'd rather be clear about intentions) and more so genuine curiosity. Apologizing in advance for this being long; I have a tendency to overthink and overexplain.

I don't typically interact with fandom outside of like... carefully curated little microbiomes. As such I haven't really encountered the whole proship/anti shit with any amount of seriousness since probably around 2018. I personally don't put much stock into either of the terms because there's far too much grey area and for the fact that (as per my understanding) exist as ethical frameworks, and I don't care much for subscribing purely to a single framework to the exclusion of anything else in terms of personal ethics and morality. At most with friends we tend to colloquially refer to incest + pedophile ships as proships, because that's just sort-of what the term has evolved to mean most strongly (again, at least in the circles I run in). I don't consider myself anti or proship or whatever the fuck else, because I generally don't care to involve myself with that kind of fandom drama. I'll involve myself over like, matters of being anti-bigotry but the rest is just something I haven't wanted to deal with for 5-6 years. Tagging + filtering + block functions exist for a reason, and I don't need to do anything more than prevent my feed from showing me those things. I generally just hit block and move on with that kind of stuff, especially because I'm anti-censorship for a variety of reasons.

Tl;dr on that: proship/anti aren't terms I really use or subscribe to, because I feel like they oversimplify everything and conflate "drama". From my understanding, I agree with proship ideology (????) in the sense that I believe censorship only fucks over everyone, and that you can just block + filter and move on. But at the same time I see this overall conception that 'proship' means you support/condone/etc incest and pedophilia and so on, which I really truly don't. But there is this really heavy perception that proship = this person ships (usually) pedophilic or incestuous relationships. A bit reinforced for me typically because when something like that comes across my feed and I go to block the person, they generally have 'proship' in their bio. That to acknowledge that I do have some bias in that, even if I know it's a correlation/not cause thing. That all being (over)said (and I'm SO sorry again about how fucking long this is, my twitter TL is having a meltdown and I've avoided all this stuff for so long I don't know if I'm missing something? Because ethically on my end there's no reason for me to block or whatever outside of just the word proship...? Two minutes for a quick search as as far as I can tell you don't participate in anything against my own comfort/moral beliefs. so) I guess I'm asking what your definition of proship is for yourself and why people are jumping to this conclusion of dislike so instantaneously? Obviously you're under no obligation to educate me on what I presume is fucking YEARS of fandom history, nor respond publicly or even at all. I'm only asking you specifically because this is the first time I've encountered 'being proship' ≠ shipping pedophilia etc etc. I think maybe I came across it way back when as a middle schooler, but I'm not about to trust any of my opinions/recollections from when I was that age lmao. But anyways. Just genuinely curious and wanting to understand because I'm wary of reacting too-quickly just because other people are, and especially so if it's actually a total non-issue for me. Sorry again for the insane rambling in this lol

hello!! i hope you don't mind me prefacing this response too by saying to please read this out fully, if you don't agree with the starting points i've provided, i hope you still continue on reading until the end💙 i think @/frownyalfred best words the defense i would most likely stumble on if i give it a go at answering your question with my own words

and this was a post made in 2016 (where a lot of ppl say is the year anti-shippers started sprouting up) and this is honestly what i mean when i say i hate antis

if anything, antis just started the propaganda that all proshippers are incest lovers and pedophiles and people ate it up like cats who haven't had wet food in three weeks. as proven by your friend group using the term as such? that's wild to me that ppl use the term proship like that, i hope the case i'm making will change that for you and your friend group.

no, proship literally is anti-censorship. ship and let ship. antis gatekeep, police shippers and harass anyone who doesn't ship their ship the RIGHT way. and it's not just the ships you say are 'harmful' or 'immoral'. i've shipped a rarepair before and the fandom at large did not like me shipping a rarepair so they started calling me a pedophile bc i aged up said characters???????? they'll find anything and i mean ANYTHING to twist everything i say and do to make it seem like it's "okay" for me to be harassed and bullied. "oh it's okay that i'm telling this person to die because they're gross," yeah no that behavior is So Much More Normal than a person shipping two fictional characters the "wrong" way. AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUCKED UP? ppl BELIEVED THEM LMAOOOO

and hey no sweat, i was like you once. i didn't define myself as proship or anti bc the real world exists but then in the one space i thought i'd be free from real life speculation and surveillance i get these anti policing assholes so yeah im a proshipper now lol just to get away from that bs. i honestly just want to have fun on here without judgement but i can't even have that lol that's why im all about blocking/muting.

you say your tl is having a meltdown? well shit, they're probably calling me names on there too. probably throwing out baseless accusations without fact checking bc i'm lowlife enough not be respected or given the decency of a fact check? or saying my art wasn't good anyway? bc gatekeeping their precious kudoichi is so much more righteous, top priority that they start slandering a real life person, right? no no no one disgusting should be touching or shipping our precious kudoichi lmao i hope you see how Not Right this is. kinda makes me feel sick for real lol

and i hope you understand how harmful this is not just to my mental state but my livelihood as an artist as these people would just start policing their fellow fans and just tell them not to support or view my art because im a 'proshipper' not even that, they'd probably just straight up say i support incest and pedophilia which are?????? such STRONG accusations to make????????? now they're just buzzwords. BUZZWORDS for antis to use to defame and cancel an artist! a real life person. over their precious fictional characters. over their precious kudoichi. oh man it makes it so much more stupid if i specify the ship, what is wrong with people sometimes😭

but hey im all about blocking and muting and unfollowing if you don't like my stuff i'm 100% for that but i hope they do it on their own terms. their own thinking. not because someone told them to.

and i dunno man that behavior of not even letting their 'friends' think for themselves, that they'd bash them too if they support me, my art, kinda seems like grooming don't it? or nah no im just looking into it. it might not be that deep. but i really yeah that's why i hate antis and why im more proship.

but hey i appreciate you even taking the time to come to me in the first place and uhhh idk i hope you found what you were looking for and that i answered your bit of curiousity there!

#acaiis #bean talks #lol i mean honestly it's my fault why did i expect not to find antis in bnha😂 of all the ships i had to like why did it have to be this one

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argyrocratie · 10 months ago

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(...)

In a message that sharply diverges from the mainstream Israeli public discourse amid the army’s ongoing assault on Gaza, and at a time when anyone in Israel who expresses even mild opposition to the war is facing persecution and repression, Mitnick told +972: “My refusal is an attempt to influence Israeli society and to avoid taking part in the occupation and the massacre happening in Gaza. I’m trying to say that it’s not in my name. I express solidarity with the innocent in Gaza. I know they want to live; they don’t deserve to be made refugees for the second time in their lives.”

(...)

How did your decision to refuse enlistment come about?

Even before the first draft notice, I knew I was not interested in enlisting. I knew I wasn’t willing to serve in this system that perpetuates apartheid in the West Bank and only contributes to the cycle of bloodshed. I understood from the very privileged position I find myself in, having a supportive family and environment, that I have an obligation to use it to reach other young people and to show that there is another way.

When I talk to my friends — some of whom serve and some of whom received exemptions — about why I’m not going to the army, they understand that it comes from a humane perspective of consideration for the other. No one thinks I support Hamas or want [my friends] to experience harm. There are people who believe that military activity will bring security; I believe that my public refusal is what will influence and bring the most security.

How did the protests against the judicial overhaul help you shape your worldview?

Before the protests, I viewed political activism as something very distant, and I didn’t think it was possible to make an impact as an individual. When the protests began and I saw they included members of Knesset going out to the streets, I realized that politics is closer to me than I thought, that it can reach every corner of the country, and that it is possible to have an influence. That’s where I understood that my actions can affect the reality we see here, and I have an obligation to act for a better future.

Were you debating whether to do it now, given the current atmosphere?

Yes, there were doubts. I always knew that the army doesn’t have a consistent policy regarding conscientious objectors, that the response can change in a moment – to release all objectors or to imprison them for a long time — and I was prepared for that. After October 7 and the [government’s] attack on the peace movement, on Jewish-Arab partnership, and on Palestinian citizens expressing support and solidarity with the innocent in Gaza, even on demonstrations, it has become frightening. But now is precisely the time to show the other side, to show that we exist.

Do you think there’s anyone in the country willing to listen to such messages right now?

We all know that we need another way, especially after October 7. We all know that it simply doesn’t work, that Benjamin Netanyahu is not “Mr. Security.” Managing the conflict is a policy that hasn’t worked and eventually collapsed.

We can’t continue with the current situation, and there are two options now: the right suggests transfer and genocide of the Palestinians in Gaza; the other side says there are Palestinians here, living between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean Sea, and they are entitled to rights. Even people who voted for Bibi, and even those who supported the judicial reform, can connect to the idea that everyone deserves to live justly, that everyone deserves a roof over their heads, and support shared existence here.

After October 7, many who were on the left claimed they “sobered up”. Did this affect you?

There is no justification for harming innocent civilians. The criminal attack on October 7, in which innocents were killed, is illegitimate resistance to the oppression of the Palestinian people in my eyes. However, outlawing legitimate resistance such as protests, or declaring human rights organizations as terrorist organizations, leads people to dehumanize the other and to actions targeting civilians.

October 7 did not change my perspective; it only reinforced it. I still believe it is impossible to live with the siege on Gaza and an occupation, and not feel [any consequences]. I believe that many people finally understand this. The idea of “out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t work. Something needs to change, and the only way is to talk, to reach a political settlement. I’m not saying it will solve everything, but it will be another step toward justice and peace.

What was your experience at the Conscience Committee?

The pre-committee interviewer was aggressive. She questioned my nonviolence because I opposed the government’s actions and the occupation. Essentially, due to my opinions, she told me that I am not a conscientious objector because these were political views.

In the end, I went through the pre-committee, and appeared before the committee itself less than a week after the interview, while many people usually wait half a year. It was a hostile interview: me opposite four people.

They attacked my opinions. They asked me what I would have done on October 7, and how I would have handled the situation. They constantly interrupted me, and said they would phrase the question differently. I tried to continue answering, but they said I wasn’t responding to them. I am not the leader of Israel; they can’t place me in that position.

They asked me how my refusal is different from the refusal of Brothers in Arms [a group of army veterans who declared their refusal to show up for reserve service in protest against the judicial coup]. I replied that I appreciate them and think it’s important that there are people who have a red line for service — but I set my red line before that, and I hope their red line moves in the direction of my red line.

Two days later, they told me I hadn’t passed the committee. I wasn’t surprised. I didn’t receive any explanation, they just called and told me the result."

...

#israel #palestine

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