#if my future boyfriend doesnt look like him i dont want him

[viscerati]

OH MY GOD. hes so fucking hot im sorry

[viscerati]

same

i’d let him ruin my life

[emotionaldamages]

american girl & british boy - lando norris

summary- established relationship

pairings- lando norris x sargeant!reader

authors note- might be spelling errors, feel free to put in requests

masterlist

y/nsargeant

liked by landonorris, logansargeant,and 2,837,872

y/nsargeant I ♡ my bf

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landonorris my love

logansargeant disgusting

username ITS A NEED OF WHAT THEY HAVE

logansargeant i expected a better caption from you considering how much of a swiftie you are

username they’re so lover coded i fear

username couple goals

lilymhe you're cheating on me

y/nsargeant it's not what it looks like baby

alex_albon @ landonorris you seeing this???

landonorris I am??

alex_albon we'll get married lando

y/nsargeant oh fuck no back off lily and lando are mine alex

username don't you just love lover from other couples

username if they ever break up please know i’ll be dead

username that should be me holding your hand💔💔

username don’t let your boyfriend stop you from finding the love of your life

maxverstappen p said she wants you back asap

y/nsargeant tell her I'll be back soon😔🤞🏻

username i wish i was lando so i could just stare at her all day

landonorris

liked by y/nsargeant, carlossainz55, and 2,927,415

landonorris my travel buddy

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y/nsargeant I love you❤

username I love them so much together:(

username hes so inlove

username if my future bf doesnt love me this much i swear-

username tHaT sHoUlD bE mE

carlossainz55 I thought I was your travel buddy😔

y/nsargeant not anymore buddy

charles_leclerc your down bad my man

y/nsargeant so are you so stfu

username y/n arguing with the other drivers is everything

username I'm going on tinder

logansargeant gross. give me my sister back

landonorris no can do buddy

y/nsargeant

liked by charles_leclerc, landonorris, and 3,837,872

y/nsargeant yup yup going back to these mfs in a week

tagged landonorris, mercedesamgf1, pierre gasly, lewishamilton, charles_leclerc, arthurleclerc, carlossainz55, oscarpiastri, and logansargeant

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mercedesamgf1 delete that-toto

y/nsargeant no can do grandpa

mercedesamgf1 your not allowed in the garage

y/nsargeant I always find a way in😍 now go to sleep gramps

username LANDO

username y/n stays bullying toto

username lewis was kidnapped

oscarpiastri I slayed

username can we talk about how cute charles looks

y/nsargeant him dying is cute?

username PLS-

username y/n always getting flipped off

y/nsargeant I know right😔

pierregasly she gets on my nerves

logansargeant she deserves them

y/nsargeant I'm older dont try me

logansargeant BY 5 MINUTES

y/nsargeant best 5 minutes of my life and then your screeching came along

landonorris I'm pretty sure you were screeching as well baby

y/nsargeant dont defend him��

username them arguing in the comments is the best

username carlando❤

username I'm obsessed with all of them

lewishamilton I was kidnapped for no reason

username summer is almost over

landonorris

liked by carlossainz55, y/nsargeant, and 3,827,182

landonorris my gf made me post this but late night shenanigans

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lilymhe y/n always has the best sleepovers

username I want this friend group

username y/n being on top of that thingy is terrifying especially with her thoughts

username I need friends

maxverstappen y/n decided to jump off that

carlossainz55 I got pushed off the couch by y/n

alex_albon y/n stole my gf

charles_leclerc she hit me with a wooden spoon

arthurleclerc she let me sleep

lewishamilton she yelled at me to bring roscoe

pierregasly she yelled at me to bring kika

logansargeant she slammed the door on my face

danielriccardo she threw cake at me

oscarpiastri she stole my phone

landonorris she made me sleep on the floor

y/nsargeant ACCUSATIONS FALSE ACCUSATIONS

username damn they really came for her throat

y/nsargeant IM NEVER HAVING A SLEEPOVER AGAIN I HATE YALL

y/nsargeant

liked by landonorris, maxverstappen, and 3,152,837

y/nsargeant back to paddock-sitting no more vacation-sitting

tagged lewishamilton, charles_leclerc, maxverstappen, landonorris, lilymhe, alex_albon, pierregasly, sebastianvettel, danielriccardo, heidiberger_, alexandrasaintmleux

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landonorris we are so cute

alex_albon was a chef slay

pierregasly we are not that bad

lilymhe yall are horrible

y/nsargeant what she said

heidiberger_ what she said

francisca.cgomez what she said

username lando and y/n are the power couple

charles_leclerc stalker

username y/n stalking charles

maxverstappen you are a mean babysitter

y/nsargeant and you need to stop running away

username dont you just love love

username I want a lando and y/n relationship

username if they dont get married istg

danielriccardo lan looking a little funny in the first photo

sebastianvettel nice see you guys

username oh to be loved

[strxbrymochi]

i know im quite late but this has been stuck in my head and i need to get it out so here are my 12am impulse thoughts,,,

how i imagine nct dream would be on valentine's day;

note: this is just the vibes i get from seeing them and 100% based on my delusional imagination

mark;

i am extra delulu for this man rn its so bad

i feel like he would be such a wholesome valentine date

straight up imagined some sort of serenading going on bc hello guitar skills?? and his voice??

i'd imagine he'd gift you some sort of designer thing (just cause i think he's the type to spoil u for special occasions bc ur his girl yk screams)

i think good food = good talks = just enjoying each other's company; type of guy i genuinely feel like you can have hour hour hours long convos and not get bored

lots of laughs bc hearing his laugh >>>

feel more home date vibes where you take out your fave foods and just jam out love songs in pjs but i can also see late night walks or going to some lowkey resto so yalls dont get spotted

renjun;

this guy is for real a deep down romantic aint no way with that face and attitude have you seen how he speaks to some of the dreamies??

defs would serenade u if u ask him to (imagine him shy at first but giving it his all aww)

hands down will gift u something he custom made i do not doubt this given he made custom hoodies for the rest of dream but yours defo will be extra special and made with care <3

can imagine some sort of art date or a quiet night for the two of yalls, him spoiling u a bit cause valentines is extra reason to do so

honestly if i was on a date w him i'd just stare at him ... oops

i think u guys should do the "draw each other" trend as a gift and ur drawing of him looks horrendous (bc u are not as gifted in the arts-- if you are good for u) while his of you looks majestic but he keeps it anyways bc u made it (hearing his beautiful laugh makes it worth ut too anyways)

jeno;

ok look i think jeno's v acts of service-y

wouldn't question if he attempts to cook for you or do things for you a lot more often on valentines to show his love for u (wake up to meals and a clean house yessir-- only for today tho GAHAHAHAHA)

another one i think would spoil you with designer stuff and just imagine the little cute smile on his face when he watched you open the gifts cause he's out here looking at u w pure genuine love (must be nice)

my man's a gamer would probs challenge u to a game or two before heading out

ice cream !!!!!! i have seen 2 vlogs w him looking for and eating ice cream i think you guys will defs have an ice cream taster or smtg (he's so me!!)

idk bro i love jeno any boyfriend fantasy i have in my dreams is played out by him. TT

haechan;

nah yea atp they'd all spoil you (pls dream is full of loving green forest men)

i can imagine deep talks about your future together like wouldnt be surprised if mans doesnt just propose to you alr thats how much he loves you

clingy clingy boy and he is not afraid to show you and let you know how much he loves u !

would hands down take you to the BEST restos and yalls would have insanely good food

can see some karaoke or bowling or idk just an activity yalls can do together before going home for a quiet night of the talks and just enjoying each other's presence

where do i find one genuine question

jaemin;

royalty treatment all the way

breakfast in bed: check with four course meal, flowers: check, gifts: check, chore-free house: check say less

i feel like jaemin is a very big words of affirmation guy so he will not stop complimenting you or saying he loves you

takes a lot of pictures of you too

yk also i think he'd actually send his mom flowers for valentine's day too

staring at you for hours with that stupid cute grin of his, eyes full of adoration

would have all your wants and preferences memorised hes so attentive you actually dont need to worry or do anything all day (just appreciate it bc u deserve him and his love!!!)

chenle;

(there were like no chenle gifs wtf)

PRESIDENT ZHONG CHENLE!!!!! money moves fr name what u want and u got it, spoiled level 1000 on valentine's day

if he could go around freely i think he's the type to take you to fancy ass restaurants like those rich hotel ones (but like if not that's ok he'll spoil you through other means)

he's a menace sometimes i think he'd joke around and try to get on your nerves a bit for fun like imagine him rocking up and being like what day is it today? oh it's valentine's? what's that idk what that is. was i meant to do smtg for u? (him and haechan fr would be the type to tease u so bad) all that just for laughs i can alr imagine the look on his face

as sweet as he is i think at one point he'd either make you do smtg so stupid w him or get a random ass matching present just for the lols (he rlly doesn't gaf he's so real and u love him for it)

jisung;

my sweet sweet child (we're like the same age)

i feel like he'd be so babie trying to prep everything and making sure everything is perfect for u awwwie

tries to act all tough and cool but melts on the inside, compliment him once he shows that smile of his and he's down forever

would be the type to get advice from his hyungs on what to do but be so shy when asked (sksks hes adorable pls)

i feel like he would make you a custom gift like something you can take w u always but also get u something expensive idk unless ur not into that stuff GAHAHA

IMAGINE he tries cooking for u but oblivious kiddo ended up burning it but its ok he tried, yalls got takeout instead

OK ALSO think him trying to teach u how to dance that'd be so cute or yalls can end it w a movie just in each other's presence and u fall asleep next to each other on the couch (BYE SO CUTE IM DED)

ok that's it im done i need to sleep good night (stay delulu besties <3)

[markiemelon]

hii! i just found out about your blog! i wanted to request something but i also wanted to compliment your work! you have the writing style that pulls me in so that i really read the story word for word (most of the time i just skim through the entire fic to just get to the ending lol) so thank you for existing and writing these stories. they feel like a big hug! keep up the good work, i will definetly read your work in the future and catch up on your other work that i havent gotten to yet!

as for my request haha, i was wondering if you could write for jeno? im a sucker for soft jeno, but i cant really find anything that isnt wayyy too cringey. tbh soft jeno is very rare i feel like *sobs*

~

like, jeno is a really cold boyfriend who doesnt really show his affection, and even when he does, he doesnt admit it. for example, when he prepares a gift for you, he puts it in a place where a lot of people can access, so that you dont know that its him. haha and then when you ask him abt it, he pretends he has no idea what ur talking abt.

the only time that jeno is soft and cuddly is when ur abt to sleep or when hes sleepy.

can u js write abt jeno being exceptionally cuddly one day in bed, and the reader is really surprised?

also maybe jeno confesses abt sweet things hes done for reader in the past?

if ur not interested, please ignore! i know i wrote a lot haha, sorry.

bye!

@dungiewungie you are the sweetest. im so flattered. thank you for reading my stories!!!! thank youuu!!! so much!!!!! ♡ ♡ ♡

——————————————(.◜◡◝)——————————————

pillows

——————————————(.◜◡◝)——————————————

☆ genre. flufffff + no warnings

☆ pairings. jeno x gn!reader

{11:55 pm ~ ♡}

you and jeno didn’t live together, but somehow he always found a way back to your place. he loved staying with you. he loved the way that the pillows smelled of your shampoo and how your perfume lingered on the silky sheets…

side by side, you and jeno lied in your bed, heads sunken into your pillows.

“yn, why do you have so many pillows? we can barely fit on this bed.”

he was right, you did have way too many pillows, but you liked piling them up and burring yourself to feel cozy.

he tried to throw some off to the side of the bed but you wouldn’t let him. “noo. i need all of them.”

jeno rolled his eyes and pretended to act annoyed. he shuffled around a bit to get comfortable despite drowning in the fluffiness around him. the two of you lied in silence for a moment.

“talk to me.” he said.

“talk to you?” you answered.

“yeah. it helps me sleep.” his voice was quiet.

your lips stretched past your teeth as you thought of all the things you could talk to jeno about. you figured now would be the perfect time to confront him about something since he couldn’t really go anywhere...

“remember that time you got jealous when my secret admirer sent me flowers?”

“yeah… “ he said shyly. “also..i gave you those flowers.” he confessed, a bit hesitantly. “that was before we started dating so i was kind of embarrassed.” jeno rubbed the nape of his neck.

he avoided looking at you; he was just too flustered to.

hearing that made your cheeks light up. “jenooooooo!” you wanted to give him the biggest hug, but you knew he hated your cuteness aggression. so you just told him how adorable he was, and went back to drifting off to sleep…

“yn. come here.”

your head perked up as you gladly placed yourself the closest you could to jeno while still lying side-by-side.

“no” he said, “here.”

jeno put his arm around your back, and pulled your head to rest on top of his chest. “i meant here.”

you didn’t say anything, you just giggled to yourself as you thought about how funny it was that out of all the pillows you had to choose from, he was the softest one.

thank you thank youuu for requesting! i haven’t had much time to write so I’m sorry this took soooo long. i really hope you like it ♡

-🍉

[loser-jpg]

HIHI LOSER!!! i dont. remember your favs off the top of my head so i'll request mine ^^; but if you dont like one of them or the character doesnt click right with your brain then kick them out!!!! and no pressure ofc <3

but how about general fluffy headcanons with azul, trey, and vil? with a gender neutral or masc reader, whichever one is fine!! i just want to make sure you have a request since you want to write :D

also, for future reference, what characters do you write for? like is it just nrc students?

HAIIII AUBURNNN :3333 and yea i write for the nrc students. i dont know enough about the other characters outside nrc really, and i dont really like writing for the teachers

Azul:

I think Azul as a boyfriend would probably not flaunt having you as a partner, but would make sure people knew. He'd absolutely let no one mess with his partner. He just likes to spend time with you, even if both of you are doing your own thing he's just happy to be near you.

He can be somewhat clingy at times, but never in a way that could be annoying, or when you have something to do. And definitely not when people can see (he's not taking the chance of being teased).

He'd like to cook for you, even if he didn't really know, he'd learn just to be able to cook for you. He's very much an 'acts of service' boyfriend, and likes to be able to do things for you.

Trey:

Trey would be the kind of boyfriend all your friends would be jealous of you for having. Obviously he likes to cook for you, but he's also always making sure your taking care of yourself. This man would appear out of nowhere going 'Did you eat today? Drink water?'

He's definitely a quality time guy, and likes to take you on dates or do whatever it is you want to do just to see you smile. He also likes to get you gifts, not anything huge (unless it's a holiday or your birthday) but he's pretty consistent in just randomly giving you small things he thought you'd like.

Trey's a good multitasker so expect him to be doing work or vice house warden things while still paying attention to you, but don't purposely try to distract him maybe.

Vil:

Vil would be quiet about your relationship, not because he's embarrassed about you but because he wants to have this one thing to himself. He'd want to keep you away from all the people prying into his life and away from all the people who look at him more as a figure than a real person.

Vil loves spending time with you, and he loves spoiling you rotten. With this man almost anything you ask for he'd make sure you got. He denies pampering you though (he likes to think he's immune to partner puppy eyes, he's not). He obviously likes it when you get excited about seeing him in a movie or something, but he pays more attention to your accomplishments than his own.

Vil is also the kind of guy to just shower you with compliments. More so pointing out things he sees about you but that just makes them more thoughtful and personal

(SORRY THIS TOOK A WHILE, SCHEDULE GOT CRAZY)

[specialstay]

[05:35am]

very angsty with some self-doubt, him being very distant

This feeling in your chest again. Burning with pain and somewhat with love. Love hidden underneath a layer of disgust, pain and confusion.

Disgusted at yourself for still plaing his game, listening to his cards and words who seemingly have no intentions in making you feel loved nor wanted at this moment.

Pain because a part of you still sees him as your loving boyfriend who once would never hurt you in any kind of way, who would hold the door for you in pouring rain and would always make sure that you know how much he loves and appreciates you.

Confusion for his actions and words he has said to your face, ignoring how much he hurts you and ignoring the tears that make your face shimmer in the moonlight.

You didnt know how to react in situations like these. A part of you knows that hes not really feeling this way when he says that you dont matter to him right now, when he says that he wants to be alone right now and when he says that he doesnt care about anyhthing right now.

Right now...

Those two words that you hated at this point in your relationship.

Because yes, right now you dont want the leftover chicken in the fridge but throwing it away would be stupid because you were already planning on eating it for luch, but not right now.

Has he no sense for the future?

"Im getting sick of this" you finally say after hours of silence in your shared apartment.

"Aha" was the only response you got and he didnt even look up from his phone, nothing new when he was mad.

"I did nothing to deserve this. I did nothing wrong and I'm very much able to look objectively on a situation and acknowledge a mistake of mine" you said a little louder but you never screamed. Anger wont help your situation and would only make it worse.

To no surprise you didnt get an answer which only made you angrier. But who can blame you?

"I only told you "good morning, " but apparently, that was enough to make you mad again, and im really running out of options and patience here! Tell me, what was it this time? Was my morning breath so bad? Was there not enough toilet paper in the bathroom today?" You couldn't help the sarcastic comment, but at least you never shouted at him.

His eyes showed pure annoyance, and he doesn't even have to look you in the eyes for you to see that. You were considered a lucky start if he looked you in the eyes when he was mad.

"I dont wanna talk" was a surprisingly long answer for his circumstances but not long enough for you to be satisfied. Angry you stood up from the couch were the both of you were just sitting on and went to the kitchen.

Maybe going to your moms house for a few days was a good option for now.

"You never wanna talk, it's eating me alive! I did nothing but the best for you the past few weeks, i was always silent when you were angry because of some bullshit and I'm always hoping for you to be you again! Im hoping that the old you comes back, the one i fell in love with" you said loud enough for him to hear in the living room, you knew exactly that he never looked up once since you left the room.

"The old me is gone! The "one you fell in love with" is fucking gone and he wont come back" he finally answered while you grab your keys and coat. "No he is not! He is just hidden beneath all that self hate of yours and has trouble coming back, trouble i cant help with!" You finally shout now and unlock the front door, your heart screaming to go back inside, hug and kiss him until you both find a solution and finally fall alseep in his arms like you used to.

But your brain is telling you to go outside that door, leave him here and potentially risk your relationship and leave all the good memories you both have behind, just like leaving him behind on that couch.

Would he even care?

Would he even care now that youre about to leave this appointment?

Care about you and your feelings?

[hajihiko]

I love love how you draw the trio of good boyfriends of Hajime, Fuyuhiko and Souda. If I could ask, when do you think they starting seeing each other in a "hey i might actually maybe have a crush on him???" light?

Gonna get silly with this a bit

And by silly I mean just putting on my romance glasses which i have let's see if I can post this lol

In the context of the game itself:

Kaz is very personable to Hajime from the start, I think he triggers like 2 special events? Like I think Hajime would really appreciate feeling like a normal high school dude with Souda. But his really really annoying princess crush gets in the way. So I think a crush from Hajimes side would like, start early, and then go dormant when its CLEAR Souda is otherwise occupied. Comes back during their reconciliation in the FTEs. I dont think it can really manifest in full until Souda gets over Sonia.

On Souda's side, also starts early, but he's an oblivious guy so he's like "BESTIIIEEE let's go do bro things like talk about girls and walk on the beach and slumber parties and kiss and spy on girls". Doesnt really go away, but their fight (Kazuichi's fight really lol) ends in more of a heartbreak way for ssoooooome reeaaasoooooon OH NO ITS A CRUSH FUCK

I feel like Fuyuhiko would be down bad really fast for Hajime (without fully realizing it of course), from the moment where he's trying to redeem himself and volunteering to stay in the hospital. Hajime has given him more of a chance than the others from the start, even when Fuyuhiko was a jackass, and if you continue the FTEs Fuyuhiko seems really stricken that Hajime sticks around. So it's just a landslide from moment 1.

Hajime to Fuyuhiko is like. First it's a weird intrigue bc this guy is just SUCH an asshole (I think one FTE is like "hey this tiny angry man kinda looks like a normal kid right now. In fact ... oops not gonna go there." Go WHERE JIMMY) and then it keeps growing from the "Apology" onward, from "someone has GOT to keep an eye on this guy" to "yea I might as well plan our future together I wanna stick around with this guy".

Everyone loves Hajime we've established this anyway

I always think of Souda as someone who develops crushes really easily, so I think as soon as Fuyuhiko started acting like less of a douchebag, the hourglass flipped sorta. People have pointed out that Souda seems pretty concerned for Fuyuhiko from the "apology" onwards, so there's that feeling of wanting to keep the litte weirdo from stabbing himself over something again, but then Fuyuhiko is actually pretty reliable and doesn't lose his head while still understanding the severity of things, so he's kind of comforting. I think probably in strawberry house, the clinging scene and whatnot, could be a moment of "boy I'm glad I my blondie prettyboy as a human shield I could get used to this".

On Fuyuhiko's side it takes waaaaay longer .... I actually kind of like that it would happen at the *VERY* end, where Souda says sth like "My name is Kazuichi Souda, dont forget about me!!" (which I found endearing) where he might be like "hehe, I could never. ...wait."

Look at that I did it

[luvkuvi]

tell me, dearest ryuu... do you have any fav hcs? (can be for scara or any other character hehe) -- anon-anon

SCARA HC RAHHH🔥🔥🔥

might suckk bcs its what popped up on my head will def expand on these for the future and might make a spearte post + adding more but lets go(mostly wanderer era :P) Nsfw under the cut!!

• Okay i am tired of "cold hearted" scara hc bcs i swear thats just on the outside and on the inside he's just fragile and the feeling of love feels foreign to him so the first time he gets into a relationship he is nervous, scared but really happy to have you

• Tsundere 100% Tsundere no debate thats what i beleive

• expanding on the tsundere idea his so called "love language" is calling you names and playful bullying but he would never intentionally call you hateful words on purpose. if he does it accidentally he would apologize and comfort you and be soft

• Tries his best to adjust to life with a partner and gets insecure at time because abandonment issues he worries you might leave him so give this man encouraging words

• Just bcs hes soft to you doesnt mean he is to others. man is a bully and you cant take that out of him lmfao so protective boyfriend vibes

• when he gives you gifts or do cute gestures he really tries to make it less mushy but ends up making it worse for him. For example when he gived you any type of jewelry he would say something along the lines of "dont think much about it i just thought you would look pretty with it..and NOT because i wanna see you in it or anything" haha i love hatguy

• Actually a good boyfriend hes the perfect mix of protective,loving,clingy etc hes so boyfriend material and i can see his love language being quality time so be prepared to have his annoying ass to be with you at all times while he complains you're always following him(its the opposite hes following you)

For nsfw headcanons haha now were talking

• proud beleiver of switch scara who doesn't mind what position as long as hes with you

• Hat stays on btw/hj

• prefers to give than to receive just loves it when hes between your legs and theres something about him that tells me he likes it when youre tugging on his hair or when you buck your hips into his mouth, that means hes doing a great job.

•  But for punishment or when hes pissed at you he has a "no touching" rule where he will either tie your hands or just swat your hands away when you touch him during punishment

• loves it when you mark him  from scratches on his back to love bites and hickes he loves them

• i also think his electro symbol on his like nape is sensitive so please touch that

• when subbing he's bratty degrading you even if you're the one pounding into him lmfao

• likes it when youre on top or domming he thinks its hot but doesnt admit it

• choking. hes into that but likes it more when you choke him

• kiss him anywhere and he would melt especially his stomach oh god i want him so bad ⁉️

• i can say his dick is pretty just like him. its slightly bigger than average like 5.7 (soft) and 6.3(when hard)for the length and 4 inches for the girth. Hes a grower sometimes can feel him grow when hes inside of you. I would say his cum is thick but leaky dunno how to explain...( all that height went to his dick yw

• tip color: #e8b3c3

• shaft/base color: #f0d9c9

• cum color(dont ask i know experienced it myself): #f5f0fa

[dojae-huh]

hey, hope u had a great easter!

the question im about to ask doesnt rly have anything to do w nct (directly) so feel free to ignore this if u want to.

jimin (of bts) has recently had a comeback and theres a lot of analyzations about the choreo and the photographs, that hint at him being bisexual. since park jimin is a household name i think that regardless if knetz see the hints at his sexuality its more likely to be (i dont want to say accepted, more like recognized) by the overall media. and if jimin were to actually come out as bisexual (its not confirmed he is, hes just been dropping a lot of hints, it can also be to make the cb ‘interesting’ and to draw in more fans, but that seems unlikely to me, since hes alr so popular and the korean society recognizes that, if it could open new doors for lgbt koreans, and maybe jaedo??

what im trying to ask is if a big celeb were to come out and the public wouldnt react terribly, do you think dojae would risk it? i know doyoung probably wouldnt settle for a ‘maybe’ so its unlikely but maybe that jaehyun will have a diff view?

looking back on this ask its all hypothetical so it doesnt rly make sense, but i hope my question came across

JaeDo already dropped enough hints. Look at their position among celebrity ships.

No.

Exo did a fanmeet recently, and Chen, who married his girlfriend some time ago and has a child, was met with cold reception. After all these years of "we want exo!" and "otp9!", one of the members was not welcomed because of his "betrayal". And he is what, 30 y.o? Till what age is he supposed to be "innocent" and "boyfriend material"?

Now, imagine fans finding out that not only Jaehyun is not the straight Prince charming, that he has been sleeping with a co-member for several years? Lying all this time that his lovers are the fans? How dare these two put their love over the safety and success of their group?

Taking on the role of an LGBT ally I can see. Like playing a gay role in a series. It's not something to surprise kfans with anymore.

The actors and singers who came out in US lost their insane popularity. In Russia we had a period with Tatu (fake, but still acting like lesbians), openly gay singers (they didn't label themselves, but the make up and the dress told what needed to be told), gender study professors in Moscow universities. It's all gone now. The professors and the stars dissapeared. It is benefitial for the elites to make a monster out of LGBT now, as "we are back to OUR TRADITIONS, which means patriarchy and the church".

So maybe there will be a period when Korean elites will be lenient about what happens on TV, look the other way. Comes a new president, a stonger push from the religious organisations in the future? Will the "new era" stay?

If you watch Korean variety shows you can notice some openly flamboyant or mannered judges, guests. They don't really hide, they just don't put lables on themselves, they stay "like everyone else" and "don't make a ruckus".

The participants of pride parades in Russia are bitten both by bystanders and the police. pride parades in Seoul happen with the police protecting the participants.

[soqez]

Im a little unsure how tumblr works, but im sure ill figure it out as time passes. I made this account as a diary, as a place where i can vomit out my thoughts, as i dont have anyone. I only talk to my mom and my sister, if they even want to that day.

I am 17, have no friends, like cars, like bodybuilding and powerlifting, have no future plans, and have pretty big dreams.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. He was the only person i talked to, and i feel pretty empty without him. Its been a month now, and its gotten better but the loneliness has just gotten worse. Everyday i realize im a complete loser. At school i usually just sit in my corner and mindlessly look at my phone. After school im at the gym and cant help but notice how every girl is there with her friend. It seems as if everyone around me has found a person, and i havent. When i say i have no friends, i dont mean it in the way where i sometimes talk to someone at school, or on the internet etc. I mean i actually have not a soul that doesnt have my last name. And im unsure why. Im not shy, neither am i introverted.

When i started high school, i talked to a girl on the first day. I think we talked for 10mins and then she wanted me to hang out with her group of friends during break etc. No one talked to me during that time. She never talked to me again either. By day 3 of high school i was once again all alone. Just how i was during middle school. It wasnt like i didnt try to speak to them, i did try. Yet they gave me that certain look. Unsure how to explain, very negative, judgemental. So i backed away and gave them their space. Everyone else in my class is like that, very closed off. Everyone has their people like i said. And i think ill stay alone for the rest of time.

Thats besides the point, this is my diary and im gonna post thoughts, gym updates, rants, vents whatever.

S

[mu-pt1]

fear

growing up isnt a feeling I ever expected to experience. I thought id have passed long ago. from the moment I realized that im just a little different at the ripe age of 10 to still trying to connect with life at the age im at now, ive been in a constant state of trying to fit in. so much so that I didnt plan much for the future. my only plan is to work with animals and if that doesnt work out, im not sure what else to fall back on. soon, ill be an adult. soon, ill have to actually grow up and stop falling back into my childish ways when things go a little wrong. as I sit in my room, candles lit, windows open staring out into the dark forest night, I feel a sense of peace though. im not sure what im doing but im doing it and im trying my best. I hope all goes well. I love my boyfriend dearly. I say that about a lot of guys that ive talked to/dated so I wont bother trying to convince you that I truly do love him. I think I love hard and suffer harder as a result of it. im fearful he may play me like the rest have but im fine with it. ill cry and then ill get over it like I always have. people wonder why I move on so fast but I have no choice. life wont pause just because something went wrong in my life as much as I wish it would. my number one fear is to be left behind and forgotten about. so to beat this, I move on quick in the effort of staying caught up. someone breaks my heart, I cry, and then I move on. I cant stay behind otherwise ill be stuck behind. if I could get the moment to grieve, I would. but unfortunately, life just simply doesnt work like that. Ive gotten used to the fact that people you love are going to hurt you. theres no way to avoid that. hiding from that and denying it will only have you denying yourself. denying and hiding from yourself is the last thing you want to do. I often time feel alone. sometimes I like it but then I remember that sometimes, I truly am alone. this is where that painful feeling creeps in. its like a pinch that you just cant stop. a rock in your throat that you just cant cry out. I wish that I could get people to pay attention to me but we're all living our own lives and who am I to beg someone to stop and look at me for just a moment? this is why I dont blame attention seekers for being the people that they are. we all want attention in some way. some of us just go about it the wrong way. I was one of them. I used to show off my body. when that wouldnt work, id start arguments. when that wouldn't work, id show off how bad I had hurt myself. when even that wouldnt work, id lock myself away and accept the fact that no one truly cared. to battle through that is a scary and very excruciating feeling. its a feeling I dont want anyone to have the pain of experiencing. this is why im so giving to others and always help whenever I can. from human to animal. I dont want anyone to experience what I felt. to think what I thought. thats why I made this account. to let others battling the same issues as me to know that there is someone who understands that pain down to the waking up with excitement and then realizing theres nothing to be excited about.

[boyfriendchosethisurl]

submitter here. a couple of things

for people telling me to talk to my boyfriend: i have. i brushed over the conversation we had in the initial ask, but i did ask him about what he thought. we had a pretty lengthy talk. again, my vague wording is causing confusion because at some points i said he doesn’t mind them and sometimes i said he likes them. i’m going to let him write this next part to explain for himself

👋 hiii Boyfriend! here. i like the pet names a lot !! i sort of like… the reason i dont normally like them is because im too used to people using them very genderedly (?? is that a word). in hs i tried a lot harder to pass but even when i did i had so many people say im pretty “like a girl” that even when people just call me pretty now i hear the comparison to girls in my head. ive also had too many ppl call me pretty and cute in a demeaning way. So thts my own internalized issue but i just Don’t like it. but i love op a whole lot and i know he doesnt mean it like that, and i actually really like it from him!! its nice to let myself be complimented in ways and called things i wouldnt be able to let myself be called otherwise i think id be pretty upset if they stopped honestly. we are all good ^-^

i was very ready to drop the issue as soon as we had this talk. i told Z we had this talk. she has continued to dig her heels in

i had to think a little on the reason this has continued to bother me, and yeah i feel like the reason is because Z keeps insisting im being transphobic, im seriously worried she’s right and ive internalized some stuff. the whole point of internalized transphobia is you don’t realize you’re doing it, right? Z’s argument at this point is that whether or not me and my boyfriend know it, im fetishizing him, and that makes me dangerous. on some level i feel like she has more authority to make this argument because she’s trans and im not. and because she’s told other people this too she’s not the only one giving me the side eye

i guess the issue here is less that i’m worried i’m making him uncomfortable, and more that im worried i’m unconsciously being transphobic because that’s what Z keeps insisting. if internalized transphobia led me here i want to be able to reflect on it but it’s hard to discern if that’s what’s happening, and the trans people i know (Z and my boyfriend) are telling me different things. im not trying to ignore him by submitting this, i want to see if a larger crowd of trans people think im being unintentionally transphobic or not

for people saying my boyfriend should talk to Z: he has, he’s been in contact with her throughout all of this. it’s only me she’s avoiding, and he’s tried to explain that he likes the pet names to her and she’s continued to insist that he’s just being too passive or he doesn’t realize what’s happening. though me and him have talked and we both agree he definitely hasn’t put his foot down as hard as he should. he and Z’s relationship is sort of built on her looking out for him, which i guess makes it hard for him, in general, to disagree with her outright.

also, someone asked if i call him other pet names besides ones like these: i do! the most common petname i use for him is just “babe”, that’s pretty much our default. i dont use these ones super often unless we’re alone or being intimate, i just accidentally let it slip in front of Z this one time because i was drunk as hell

(also me and him talked briefly about the pregnancy thing and sort of tossed it around. he says he’s not outright against the idea and he does want kids one day, no matter what method is used, but we didn’t discuss it too much since we definitely aren’t planning to have kids anytime soon. specifics are a conversation for future us)

so. i think the two of are going to stage, like… an intervention? or something? we’re discussing how to get her into a conversation with both of us since she’s avoiding me. fingers crossed

@am-i-the-asshole-official

aita for calling my boyfriend babygirl

let me clarify upfront: my boyfriend has never expressed discomfort with this, and says he likes it, so it’s potentially a non-issue, but it’s still bugging me. this has been ongoing for a little over a month and i feel like i’m going nuts. forgive me if any of the language i use here isn’t correct, i don’t know how else to get the ideas across - feel free to correct me if i could be saying things more inclusively. sorry that this is rambly also. small nsfw warning (nothing too explicit)

i (22m) have been dating my boyfriend (19ftm) for a little over a year. i’m cis and he is trans. admittedly i’m not like… the most well versed in trans issues but i love him more than life itself so i really try to be respectful of him. he was bullied pretty severely in highschool, not just for being trans but his gender identity was no small part of it, and even though he’s not super dysphoric day to day he’s definitely got some boundaries about it. there are certain compliments he likes and some that upset him (he doesn’t enjoy being called pretty or cute, typically) and he’ll snap at people for referring to him with feminine names or titles like “sis” “girl” etc even if it’s done jokingly.

the thing is he’s rarely, if ever, done that with me? i call him pretty and cute all the time (because he is) and he’s always been fine with it. admittedly the first time i did it i didn’t know it was something that usually bugged him, but he’s never said anything to me about it. everytime i have he’s seemed happy. he’s very outspoken, i pretty firmly believe if it was a problem he’d say something about it - again, he has no issues being firm about this boundary with any of his other friends and family. i was doing this before we started dating, so after we started dating it sort of bled into pet names

again, it was never something i asked him about expressly, but at some point i started calling him, like… princess, babygirl, etc. i only ever do this in private, when its just us or when i’m pretty sure only he can hear me, for a few reasons. my boyfriend doesn’t really pass (entirely his choice. he doesn’t bind his chest and he doesn’t want any gender affirming surgeries or hrt - again, he’s not super dysphoric day to day, he only gets upset when it’s commented on and he can bounce back from it pretty quickly) and again, it seems like it’s always made him happy. at the risk of tmi, it especially seems to make him happy in the bedroom, which is another reason i avoid dropping these pet names in front of anyone else. it’s private and i don’t think it’s anyone else’s business.

so. to put this mildly. we went to a house party together recently and i got super smashed. it was a pretty big party so we were sticking by each other, and when you’re drunk and your partner is there… well, yeah. i was admittedly being pretty handsy. he didn’t tell me to knock it off or anything, he was reciprocating. at some point he started talking to his best friend from highschool (19mtf, i’ll call her Z) so i reigned myself in but i was definitely still drunk and horny and being clingy. i don’t know Z all that well - she and my boyfriend are very close but she can be pretty harsh, and i appreciate all she does for him so i like her, but we never talk unless he’s there. i’ve had maybe one one-on-one conversation with this woman ever.

they’re talking. i’m also there. i’m not trying to rush him but i definitely want to get home. the conversation lulls and i take the chance to ask my boyfriend if he wants to leave soon, and because i am aforementionedly drunk and horny i drop one of those earlier pet names. before he can respond to me, Z snaps at me. she says not to call him that and that i was being a creep - this alarms me and was kind of frustrating since i wasn’t even talking to her, and i recognize i’m not in a headspace to argue? with her? so i just tell my boyfriend to come find me when he wants to leave and i wander outside. he finds me about 5-10 minutes later and we head home.

it doesn’t get brought up again that night but a day or so later i text Z to ask her what she meant by me being a creep, because it was bugging me. she says that it’s obvious i’m fetishizing my boyfriend’s gender identity, that the fact i call him those things brings up major red flags, etc. i tell her that my boyfriend doesn’t have an issue with it. she says it doesn’t matter and asks me why i want to call him those names in the first place, and posits that maybe i don’t actually want to be dating a boy - that i just like the idea of dating a boy and actually want to be with a woman. i’m gay, so this is VERY out of pocket to me. i tell her my boyfriend is not a woman and end the conversation there, but it DOES stick with me. so, very belatedly, i ask my boyfriend what he thinks of all this. i adore him so much and i hate hate hate the idea i could’ve been treating him like that, even unintentionally. he says the pet names never bothered him and he’s never felt like that, and that he’s fine with me specifically doing it because he trusts me and knows i don’t see him as a girl.

so, whatever. she has a problem but me and my boyfriend don’t. i try to move on, but the next time i see her she asks if i’ve apologized/reflected at all. i tell her no, because my boyfriend said i have nothing to apologize for and it seems like a non-issue. she is now avoiding me, refuses to be in the same room as me, and will declare to anyone who asks that she doesn’t want to be near someone who fetishizes trans people and she doesn’t feel safe around me. my boyfriend tries to talk to her but she insists i need to apologize at the bare minimum, but to who? even if i did apologize to my boyfriend i wouldn’t mean it and he wouldn’t want it. Z is his long-time best friend, i can’t exactly go the rest of our relationship just avoiding her. so i have no damn idea where to go from here.

on some level, i worry she’s right? i honestly don’t know why i started calling him those things. i think it started as a joke but i just kept doing it when i noticed he seemed to like it. in hindsight that was maybe shitty of me, but i trust him to tell me when something i do is making him uncomfortable. it’s not like i can do that over, but if he ever told me to stop i would. it’s definitely true that if you saw my boyfriend on the street you’d probably assume he’s a woman, but i’ve never been attracted to anyone who actually identifies as a woman before. i’ve only ever liked men, and no matter what he looks like he is a man. this whole situation did make me think about how i think about him, and i’ve realized that, like… i want to have kids with him one day, and ideally i’d like him to carry them. ideally, but id never make him. if he decided tomorrow that he wanted to medically transition and go the whole nine yards i’d support him. he’s my whole world, i just want him to be happy. but does the fact i want him to carry children prove her right?

i’m just. confused. i feel like i’m running myself in circles. Z knew him in highschool so she was there when bullying over his gender was at his worse, so i get why she’s protective. she’s also trans herself so she undoubtedly understands this stuff better than me. but i’ve heard it’s normal for trans people to have complicated relationships with gender, so it’s normal to be okay with gendered language from some people and not others (like only letting close friends use certain pronouns for you). i figure it’s like that, but it’s not my gender so… i don’t know. should i just stop calling him those pet names altogether, even though i know at this point he enjoys them, to be safe? am i an asshole for calling him those things in the first place / would i be an asshole if i kept doing it?

What are these acronyms?

[deedoessurvies]

two

When was the last time you read a whole book, to the last page exactly? Im doing that today. my last one has been since like november which is wild. ive just been so busy.

How many times have you had sex within the past two years? Guesstimate? Zero. close but zero.

When was the last time you made up a word? Did people think it was weird? i make up sayings often but they arent necessarily a made up word.

How many times in a month do you go to the movies? How much do you spend? when dating Z its like 2-3x a month.

What is one of those movies that you could never get tired of watching? sleepless in seattle, you've got mail, something borrowed, maid of honor, pride & prejudice

When was the last time you heard thunder? Where were you at anyway? here and a couple months ago. we are very close to rain season

Have you ever begged the opposite sex for anything at all? not that i can recall.

Are there many places to shop in the town you live in? What kinds? my town is small.. there are places to shop like grocery stores and small businesses. theres a habitat for humanity store, a military supply store, uhhh beauty stores, stuff like that.

When was the last time you bought shoes? What do they look like? I bought FRYE boots !!!!!! grandma would be so dang proud. I hope she sees this somehow haha. i got them in january some time.

Do you like surveys with really in-depth questions, like mine? Yeah.i wish there were more.

When was the last time you were in trouble with your parents? im in my 30s so it doesnt really work that way anymore.

Has your boyfriend or girlfriend ever cheated on you? Were you mad or sad? cheating sucks period. just break up with the person.

Do you know anyone who claims to have the ability to see the future? uhhhhh OH funny mini story. so sometimes K will send me letters in the mail. but i guess sometimes his handwriting for my street name is blurred so when that happens it gets sent to this chick like 4 blocks away. anywho, she LEGIT admitted to reading a letter of mine one time (wtf) and she basically fell in love with K for the things he was saying and when she reached out to me on FB to get me the letter, she was like omg i love him, you need to forgive him, yadda yadda. then later on she reached out to me and was like I can read your tarot cards and read your palms and stuff if you want! (wtf) lol

Are you a superstitious person? Have you ever been superstitious before? no.

Do you like any songs from country music? If so, which ones do you like? i love country songs. hundreds and hundreds.

Can people read your facial expressions easily? If so, why is this? typically no, im pretty good at hiding my emotions. not saying that in a proud way, because obviously it is good to feel your feels (within reason right) but nah

When was the last time you went on vacation? Where did you go to? uhhhhhhh golly. over the summer i went to Tennessee so theres that. How many states have you been to in your lifetime? Guesstimate if not sure. i think 26.

When you go to the movies, do you actually watch the movies or not? Oh i watch them. i dont think ive ever not watched them unless its obscenely gory and then ill just close my eyes or something.

What kind of instant messaging service do you use? Why do you use this? usually just messages on my phone. sometimes messenger, google chat, or whatsapp

When was the last time your area had a tornado warning, if ever? last summer.

Have you ever had one of those major fights with your current bf/gf? im currently single. was almost taken but that blew up over distance. i am so over distance.

Does it ever bother you when people use abbreviations for certain words? i very seldom care about the way people type.

Would it creep you out if you walked in on your best friend having sex? creep? no. would i be like SO embarrassed, yes but would i move on from it probably. lol. its natural, whatever.

When was the last time you said ‘I love you?’ Who did you say it to? romantically? C and i say it a lot to one another.

Do you have any of those freaky phobias that make no sense at all? my phobia makes sense.

Do you ever look at random people and think they could be a serial killer? >> YES. when I swipe on dating profiles im like "you have the look of someone who would happily skin another person" lol

Does it scare you when the sky gets really cloudy and dark during the day? no i LOVE IT. give me the clouds, gimme the stormy skies.

What was the last amusement park you went to? Did you have fun? busch gardens. yes, its just so daaaaaaaang hot.

[winderlylandchime]

2/2 ‘Oh for fucking hell, havent I suffered enough? Now i gotta see debbie? DEBBIE YOU SAID IT YOURSELF THAT HE IS A HOMOPHOBE?! Make up your mind girl. So when he doesnt do what you want him to, hes a homophobe but now that he went to check out the dead dudes place out, he’s knight in shining armor? You need better standards in men! OHHHH SO BC HES 55 THAT GIVES HIM THE RIGHT TO BE IGNORANT? Girl fuck him and fuck you too in 55 different ways. oh fuck you for bringing up Ben! That man might be boring but that is his only crime unlike the cop!’ And now he’s angry because Deb slapped Mikey but he also still has tears in his eyes over George so id say he’s doing well. ‘Oh no. The party. I forgot about this shit. NO JUSTIN. THIS IS BAD. This is the type of party you avoid. Dont take any drinks! Dont take any cigarettes! Don’t even blink. JUSTIN WHAT DID I JUST SAY? DO YOU EVER FUCKING LISTEN?!?!?! THAT BOY IS CLEARLY DRUNK!!’

‘Oh look its Brian and Ted, i am telling you this has potential but i don’t know how yet. oh my god! Ted mentioned that Brian has Justin, Bri Bri was quiet and then he tells ted why he doesnt have boyfriend! SO YOU AGREE BRIAN? You agree that Justin is your boyfriend? Speaking of your boyfriend, you need to go get him because i think he is in danger! Let’s go!!!’ He is once again loving Ted and Brian and its taking everything in me to not hint at their future friendship. ‘I actually like Mikey right now. He should be like this more often! Why is every show so obsessed with putting cops in it?’ And we are back at saps party and now lets all together pray for this man ‘JUSTIN WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT DRUGS DOES HE EVER LISTEN?!?! WHERES BRIAN?! DAMN IT I HATE THIS! JUSTIN GET BEHIND ME I WILL KEEP YOU SAFE! WHAT DID THEY GIVE HIM?! YOU LITTLE FREAK STAY AWAY! JUSTIN STOP TAKING HIS DRINKS IS THIS YOUR FIRST DAY ON EARTH?! WHAT THE HELL TYPE OF PARTY IS THIS? What are they doing?! GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OFF OF THEM! YOU DISGUSTING PIG! He said NO! OH NO OH NO! FIGHT BABY FIGHT! YOU GOT THIS! Oh thank fuck he’s safe, please tell me he’s safe?’ Immediately afterwards George is shown ‘pickle guy nooooo’ He fucking paused the tv to go to it and stroke Emmetts face bc he cant hug him since he’s in a tv.. ‘why did Brian avoid that detective like that? You know what? I get it and respect it.. oh you don’t hate, you just dont get it. WHATS THERE TO GET BRO? He likes dick, he sucks dick, he fucks dick. Its not rocket science, its just…a dick up the ass!’…’of for crying out loud, he made your arrest disappear, he didn’t cure cancer. If he was a real one he’d make the speeding ticket disappear too so i say he’s still a prick! NOW WHY IS HE APOLOGIZING TO DEBBIE? She never apologized to Ben, so why is he apologizing to her?! NO MICHAEL! Just when i liked you, you had every right to judge him! Ohh big woman gave ben cereal and now thinks that changes everything? Man fuck them all’ he actually let out a big breath of relief when he saw Justin, the man is scared and stressed! ‘Oh Blondie you’re okay! Youre good! Okay now let’s deal with that little freak, first of youre telling Brian and then maybe that weirdo cop can redeem himself to me by helping you! Oh Brian looks good. Hey Brian, we need to talk, all three of us! TEDIOUS?! LEFT EARLY?! QUIT?! Justin, i know its your own decision BUT FOR FUCKING HELL CAN SOMEONE LISTEN TO ME JUST ONCE!! tell brian! Please tell Brian!!! Oh is he gonna- HES TAKING THE OFFER!!! HELL YEAH!! OH I KNOW FOR A FACT BRIAN IS HAPPY! look at them! All cute and shit!…what’s happening…is Justin gonna.. OH MY GOD I DONT THINK THATS HAPPENED YET?! HAS IT? BRIAN! OKAY!!! Kinda sad that its almost as if Justin had to do that to feel some control. I’m mad again because of the party’ he then proceeded to get up and walk outside for a smoke and then came back in and went ‘okay i have a serious question, but i think youre kind of useless so i will just ask someone else *me trying not to be offended*’ and not even 10 minutes later i hear him go ‘I SWEAR ITS A SERIOUS QUESTIO-hello? Hello? Did you hang up on me?’ And then i received a text from my uncle saying ‘why is ___ asking about how gay sex works? And if it hurts?’ I actually had no reply so i had to ask the source himself to which he them rewinded the tape and paused it at bottom!brian and went ‘NO LUBE! NO NOTHING! So do they just stick it in like all macho and hope for the best? Or? Tell him to answer me because i have a lot of questions and im afraid to ask google!’ So that’s how my day went if anybody is wondering.

Yes the hypocrisy is so real around Ben-Michael Debbie-Carl and Debbie here really has no leg to stand on because Ben is just boring and Carl is a cop. So. Yeah. Team Brother all the way.

DOES HE EVER LISTEN - no, no he doesn’t. We love Justin but the boy is 18… he is a baby.

And also the show will never ever listen to you. If it did, S5 would not have gone down like that.

And then Justin topping (thank you Randy!) Like I said, some of us have been anticipating this and Brother Anon did NOT disappoint. I was betting that he would get hung up on what topping was called but no, our man went right in for wondering why there was no prep! (Does he think you’re kinda useless because you’re not having this type of sex? You don’t need to answer that but that’s what I wondered) and I’m dying that he called your uncle to ask. I cannot imagine asking my uncle anything like this. Or even my auntie because we’re closer. I love that your uncle also hung up on him. And that he (reasonably) is afraid to ask google. You can tell him to not get his sex ed from a 20 year old tv show.

Bless you anon. This is hilarious and you have been such a faithful scribe. Thank you for continuing to bring this joy to us.

[blackvail22]

9/18/23 -- 10:46pm

i dont remember if i told you this, but my least favorite coworker gave me their number on thursday. it gave me the ick in the moment because i really dont like them (for a number of reasons), but i now feel like ive been an asshole and that i should text them.

here are a few reasons why i dont like them:

actively supports things that i cannot (blue lives matter)

favorite artists are racist and support white supremacy

...this one i have to thoroughly explain

and look, i want to believe that we can seperate the art from the artist, but when the artist makes music about the problematic things they support (aka white supremacy) or has the stars and bars flag on their guitar, i dont think.... i dont think we can separate those two lol. and i also want to believe them about having DID, i do, but i have done so much research about DID and they really do not ever switch. i mean, they do switch into a country accent sometimes but its severely watered down and you can tell its.. fake. but also, when i first met them, they told me they did that because they do it when theyre bored. and they told our coworker that they do that because they have DID. sure, they could have it, but i just... i dont know. i cant believe it

i think i only really want to text them because i am feeling lonely and i dont want to be lonely anymore. i hate post-breakup stuff because ive thought about getting with people that i dont even really like that much as well as people i know would be bad for me. hell, ive thought about getting with him for the third time, and SURE -- maybe THIS time he's changed (he hasnt its been a month) but i feel like im rotting on the inside. i feel like im wasting time. i really want someone i could talk to and show my love for.

i cant be in love though; im severely.... clingy. its troubling at times, and i dont like it. there was a time in november of a certain year when i was talking to someone i severely liked, and they told me they had a crush on someone. i went .... insane. obviously, i dont think they knew about it, but i cried for WEEKS. sometimes i would cry so hard and so much that i nearly threw up. i screamed sooo many times out of anger, and i have so many videos and notes rants about it.. here is something i found from that time .. "... we're not fucking dating, but my god, dude, you make me feel like an idiot! ... ugh. i'm fed up, but i'm not gonna go away, and we both know that. fuck. fuck fuckf cufkc hfrsdakhfbaewk;bn"

i said a lot besides that, the most important parts i think, but the general thing i said was "you couldve at least told me you were busy. fuck you for leaving me for some other girl. her and i are probably just objects anyway" and OH MY GOD?>>>>??????> i genuinely dont believe that now, but i was so out of myself then (and almost every time im in love) that it KILLLLLS me

"i think tjis hurts so much because once again, no one will love me enough to see me in their future forever. i mean, youre still special to me, and talking to you is great, but i liked you romantically just because i wanted loved. i loved that feeling that i was chasing, but you ruined it and you crushed me once again. all well."

i love so much and so hard because i want to be loved and i want to feel love back. it makes it so easy for me to fall for someone because of that. it makes it difficult to differentiate the difference between love and the idea of love really easily. it makes me afraid ill never really find the authentic kind of love i long for. not only that, but when someone says they love me and shit and then say that im too much for them or say that im too crazy for them.

when i think back, though, i really do think i was in love with my ex-boyfriend and the person i had a crush on that i mentioned before. i really do think i loved them because i still feel that love i had for them. i was told that true love doesnt go away, and i think thats true.

or maybe its admiration?

i know im so young, but i feel like ive been alive for 1000 years, i swear! i feel like my heart shouldnt be this heavy for my age. nothing feels right anymore, and i try my best to make it feel better...

it feels like nothing workdss

(that took me 40 minutes to write because i kept getting distracted )