soqez

[soqez]

Friday, 29th November

Pure nothingness.

Slept through alarm, woke up at 10am. My bus leaves at 6.30am. So i skipped school today, instead i spent my day cleaning the house and making food.

Played fortnite again.

Now its 01.22am. Somehow not tired, but i need to go sleep soon. I have the gym tomorrow, and im pretty sure the bus leaves at 9am.

S

[soqez]

Wednesday, 27th November

Boring day.

Woke up at 7am and headed to the doctors office to embarassingly get my absences approved. Was 2h late to class, so only had 1h left of it. Unfortunatley i couldnt control myself and spent $10 on a salad and water. I cant save money for the life of me.

Spanish class was cancelled because my teacher had business to attend with her kid or something. Went home early, got home at about 2pm.

I honestly played fortnite with my sister for the entire day. Took a shower, ate some food and played again. I used to be obsessed with fortnite about 3-4 years ago. Back then i became friends with a guy, and i obviously havent played fortnite in 2~ years. So we played with him. Was pretty nostaligic (idk if thats how you spell it) and fun.

Its 10.30pm now, very late by my standards. I shouldve gone to bed way earlier. Tomorrow is a loooong day, but theres the gym at the end of it :) Fb day tomorrow, excited.

S

[soqez]

Tuesday, 26th November 2024

Today was a mediocre day. Woke up at 4am. Went to the gym. It was upper day yippiii, i love upper body days. Pretty damn nice progression on bb rows. Put on 5kg more today and did it with ease. I was stuck at the same weight for a month id say.

I then went to school at about 8.30, had my speech at 12.45 so i had tons of time to memorize. It went okay. Teacher said my speech was good, a little long, but the knowledge after the speech. The conversation, brought me down. I wasnt in the best mood therefore i kind of slacked. Thats my fault. Eitherway, the grade was better than i expected.

Came home, made lasagna for the family, played some fort and now gonna shower and sleep. Im getting tired at 7-8pm nowadays. No boyfriend to talk to, no fun games to play anymore. At least i like the gym :) its my favourite part of the day now. I dont look towards rest days, even thoughh they are the most important part of the gym. Unfortunatley tomorrow is a rest day. But i have a drs appointment tomorrow morning. Gonna get all my absent days removed, and fixed finally.

S

[soqez]

Monday, 25th November 2024

Today was a neutral ish day. I woke up at 4am, went to the gym. It was lower body day, not my favourite. Ive been progressing nicely in the gym. I remember a couple weeks ago i failed a 80kg RDL. Now i do 80kg-85kg SLDLs for reps. I did 85kg SLDLs for 6 reps today. Im proud of that.

I then went to school and had a law presentation to do, together with 2 other girls from my law class. We did pretty good for our first law presentation. I told them we did good once we walked out of the classroom, and i got ignored. They looked at me and kept walking. Wasnt a pleasant moment, but not unexpected.

At that point it was 9am, and i went to buy a winter jacket ive had my eye on. I bought it and was given a discount of $20. Pleased with that too. After that ive been rotting.

I usually dont have class on tuesdays, but i have a speech i need to do tomorrow as my teacher postponed it. Im not too upset about that though, the gym will be easier then. Its upper day tomorrow. My favourite. Though sometimes i doubt myself knowing a lot of guys arent attracted to overly muscly girls. I wouldnt say i am, but where im headed towards is. My ex wasnt fond of the bulky thing. I remember i would send him progress pictures. If it was my glutes or legs, hed be happy and cheer me on for having those muscular features. When it was my arms or shoulders hed be more hesitant. Thats kind of stuck with me for some reason. I might not look attractive to a lot of guys, but i feel good like this. Maybe theres guys out there who appreciate muscle as well. At least i hope so.

Its not the end of the day yet, its 6pm. But im struggling to memorize my speech. Its so annoying, i hate it. A little unsure what to do. I wanna sleep.

S

[soqez]

Im a little unsure how tumblr works, but im sure ill figure it out as time passes. I made this account as a diary, as a place where i can vomit out my thoughts, as i dont have anyone. I only talk to my mom and my sister, if they even want to that day.

I am 17, have no friends, like cars, like bodybuilding and powerlifting, have no future plans, and have pretty big dreams.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years. He was the only person i talked to, and i feel pretty empty without him. Its been a month now, and its gotten better but the loneliness has just gotten worse. Everyday i realize im a complete loser. At school i usually just sit in my corner and mindlessly look at my phone. After school im at the gym and cant help but notice how every girl is there with her friend. It seems as if everyone around me has found a person, and i havent. When i say i have no friends, i dont mean it in the way where i sometimes talk to someone at school, or on the internet etc. I mean i actually have not a soul that doesnt have my last name. And im unsure why. Im not shy, neither am i introverted.

When i started high school, i talked to a girl on the first day. I think we talked for 10mins and then she wanted me to hang out with her group of friends during break etc. No one talked to me during that time. She never talked to me again either. By day 3 of high school i was once again all alone. Just how i was during middle school. It wasnt like i didnt try to speak to them, i did try. Yet they gave me that certain look. Unsure how to explain, very negative, judgemental. So i backed away and gave them their space. Everyone else in my class is like that, very closed off. Everyone has their people like i said. And i think ill stay alone for the rest of time.

Thats besides the point, this is my diary and im gonna post thoughts, gym updates, rants, vents whatever.

S