#if it were possible to add an extra line from the narrator saying she could be a valuable ally if you keep her alive or something idk | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kaialone · 3 years ago

Text

Kirby Planet Robobot Translation Comparison: Pause Screens (Part 2)

This will be a comparison of the original Japanese version and the US English localized version.

Specifically, this will cover the pause screen descriptions of all bosses faced exclusively in the extra modes of the game.

While I’m mainly comparing the US English version to the Japanese one, I’ll bring up differences in the EU English version that I find notable, too.

For the comparisons, the usual points apply:

Bolded is the original Japanese text, for the reference.

Bolded and italicized is my translation.

Italicized is the official NOA translation.

A (number) indicates that I have a specific comment to make on that part in the translation notes.

As you read this, please keep in mind that with translations like these, it’s important not to focus on the exact literal wordings, since there is no single “correct answer” when it comes to translations.

Rather than that, consider the actual information that is being conveyed, in which way, and why.

This part will work the same as the last one.

And since a lot of these pause descriptions are somewhat connected to their counterparts of the main story as well, I would recommend reading the previous part first, if you haven’t already.

Also, as a general note, you’ll see that all the stronger versions of the regular bosses have the prefix “Re:” added in the Japanese version.

This was changed to “2.0″ in the English version.

From what I’ve seen, “Re:” in Japanese pop culture is often used as a cool, sometimes futuristic way to refer to a “renewal” of something, so adapting it as “2.0″ makes sense.

Re:ウィスピーボーグ

ウィスピーボーグが新モデルにリニューアル。ねんぴもよくなりはいきガスもへっているので、カンパニーもかんきょうにはいりょしながらしょうエネ開発を進めているもよう。価格も前モデルの半分におさえられている。

Re:Whispy Borg

Whispy Borg has been newly remodeled. The improved fuel efficiency and reduced emission of exhaust gases indicate that perhaps the company too strives to be environmentally friendly, developing new ways to conserve energy. Its price has been cut down to half the previous model, too.

Clanky Woods 2.0

Clanky Woods has been redesigned and upgraded. Better fuel efficiency and fewer emissions demonstrate the company's new environmentally friendly initiative. It costs only half of the previous model!

Comparisons & Thoughts:

The description has been slightly shortened as usual, though there are some potential errors or changes, too.

In the English version, the text mentions “the company’s new environmentally friendly initiative”, whereas the Japanese version doesn’t make it sound like this would be a new thing for them.

It’s possible that this was a mistranslation, but it could also be that they intentionally changed it in English to be a little more obvious about the irony - because the Haltmann Works Company allegedly trying to be environmentally friendly is ridiculous.

Also, in the Japanese version, the original wording makes it more clear that Clanky Woods’ price being reduced is seemingly referring to the cost a potential buyer would have to pay for it, rather than the cost of producing it.

This feels like it might be alluding to how in real life, manufacturers of electric cars or the like will try to cut down their prices to some degree in order to get more people into them, and thus creating more of a demand for them in the future.

The English version could be going for that as well, but it’s a bit less clear.

Re:ホログラフ防衛システムズ

マザーコンピューターによりリニューアルされたこの防衛システムも、他の星にねむっていたせっけい図をもとにして作られたものだが、一部データがかけているため、本来のせい能をはっきできずにいるらしい。

Re:Holographic Defense Systems

Revised by the Mother Computer, this defense system was also created based on blueprints discovered on another planet. But, because part of the data is missing, it is apparently unable to demonstrate its original performance. (1)

Holo Defense API 2.0

Redesigned by the Mother Computer, this defense system is based on a blueprint found on another planet. It's missing a segment of data and is unable to demonstrate its full potential.

Translation Note:

What I translated as “original performance” here could also be translated as “true performance” or the like. I don’t think the specifics make much of a difference here, but thought I would note it, just in case.

Comparisons & Thoughts:

This description is mostly the same, but there is an interesting detail about it.

The Japanese version notes that this defense system was “also” based on blueprints found on another planet.

This directly implies other things have been based on such blueprints, but it doesn’t specify which those are, nor how many blueprints and planets are involved.

From its looks though, we can gather that the Holo Defense API was likely based on Pix from Rock Star, as seen in Kirby 64.

Similarly, we can assume that the Security Force mid-boss was likely based on Metal General from Halcandra, as seen in Return to Dream Land.

And of course, Star Dream is heavily implied to be something similar to Galactic Nova from Milky Way Wishes - and both of them are implied to be so-called clockwork stars, also first mentioned in Return to Dream Land.

But even considering all that, keep in mind that we still can’t say for sure where and when the Haltmann Works Company would have precured any of their respective blueprints, and series director Shinya Kumazaki intentionally left the answer up in the air when asked about it during the second Planet Robobot Ask-a-thon on Miiverse.

Just so we are all on the same page here.

In any case, the English version is still missing the indication that the Holo Defense API isn’t the only one that was based on blueprints found elsewhere.

The EU English version actually goes one step further, rephrasing the line in question to say that the defence system was built “based on the blueprint found on another planet”.

The wording of “the blueprint” would imply there was only ever one, which does not appear to be the case in Japanese.

Re:ホロ・クラッコ

この雲のモンスターのデータは、ぶんせきすればするほど、様ざまなこうげきパターンが見つかる。そのいったんがシステムのリニューアルによりかいほうされ、手強くなっている。

Re:Holo-Kracko

The more data of this cloud monster is analyzed, the more attack patterns are discovered. A portion of them have been unlocked by the system's revision, making it a more formidable adversary.

Holo-Kracko 2.0

They further analyzed the data of the cloud monster and discovered even more vicious attacks. The system redesign has implemented these attacks and made Holo-Kracko even more powerful.

Comparisons & Thoughts:

This description features some slight alterations.

The Japanese version mentions that a larger variety of attack patterns is being discovered, while the English version says that “more vicious attacks” have been found.

Aside from those being different things to discover, the Japanese version also makes it clear that this analysis is still being done continuously.

The Japanese version also states that the system’s revision has “unlocked” these additional patterns, but the English version states that it has “implemented” the additional attacks.

So, the implications of how the system works are slightly different here.

The US English version also has this description start with “They further analyzed the data of the cloud monster and discovered (...)“, while the EU English version phrases it as “Further analysis of data from the cloud monster has uncovered (...)“.

The latter matches the Japanese version a bit more, with the narrator having a more neutral position regarding the progress.

But, the former isn’t really wrong by comparison either, and the narrator does refer to the company in third person like that occasionally in other places.

Re:ホロ・ローパーズ

このモンスターは、スージーがかつて入手したデータを入力し生み出されたのだが、異空間とよばれるエリアにすくうこのモンスターのデータを一体いつ、どこで手に入れたので　あろうか。かのじょのナゾもまた、深まるばかりである。

Re:Holo Lopers

These monsters were created by entering data that Susie had acquired in the past. But, just when and where exactly did she obtain data on those monsters which live in the area called another dimension? There is no end to the mysteries surrounding her, either.

Holo-Doomers 2.0

These monsters were created by Susie entering data she acquired from her travels. Where and when did she encounter the original monsters from another dimension? Who knows?

Comparisons & Thoughts:

This description is mostly the same, with some slight oddities.

Of course, the term “another dimension” used in the Japanese version here is the same as before, so my notes on the regular Holo-Doomers also apply here.

And just like before, the EU English version changed “another dimension” to “extra dimension”, which I also went over back there.

Also, the Japanese version specifically uses the word “area” to refer to another dimension, which is also the term used for “areas” in Planet Robobot as a game.

I think this could just be to add some flavor to this description, though.

The game seems to use “area” in favor of “level” to give it a more mechanical and business-driven vibe. And so the narration is consistent with that internal logic of the game’s aesthetic.

The final line in the Japanese version says that there is no end to the mysteries about Susie “either”, which I think is simply a follow-up to the final line of the regular Holo-Doomers description.

The English version doesn’t have a connection between the two descriptions like that there.

Re:ホロ・アイスドラゴン

かつて存在した、古代のドラゴンという生命体のデータから生み出されたホログラフだが、もしかしたら今でもまだどこかの島のどうくつのおく深くで、ひそかに生きのびているのかもしれない。

Re:Holo-Ice Dragon

This hologram was created from the data of an ancient organic life form called a dragon, which has existed in the past, but it is also possible that they secretly continue to live on, deep inside a cave on an island somewhere.

Holo-Ice Dragon 2.0

This hologram was created from an ancient dragon. Dragons are no longer seen, but one of them may still be living quietly in a cave on an island somewhere. Who knows?

Comparisons & Thoughts:

This description is mostly the same, except for a small detail that might be a bit confusing, but I’ll try to explain it.

There is some potential issue here regarding the usage of plural versus singular.

In my translation of the Japanese version, I have the description refer to dragons in a general sense, rather than one individual dragon.

The English version chose to use singular instead, for the most part.

As I mentioned before, there usually is no clear distinction between plural and singular in Japanese, so either way could work here.

That being said, the English version would still be slightly off, because if one chooses to use singular for the translation here, it has to be applied to all of the text.

If I were to apply singular for my own translation, it would become this:

This hologram was created from the data of an ancient organic life form called a dragon, which has existed in the past, but it is also possible that it secretly continues to live on, deep inside a cave on an island somewhere.

Therefore, the English version’s line “Dragons are no longer seen, but one of them (...)” would be inaccurate for that approach.

It should at least be something like “This dragon is no longer seen, but it (...)” instead.

At the end of the day, I don’t think the specifics actually matter much in this case right here, but I still wanted to explain them.

Re:ホロ・ガラーガ

このモンスターがいたという天空の国が存在するらしいが、いまだキカイ化のしんりゃくがとうたつできていないもよう。この星にはまだ、様ざまなみかいのエリアが残されていることがうかがえる。

Re:Holo-Garāga

It appears that the land of the sky where this monster is said to be from really exists, but the mechanization invasion seemingly has yet to reach it. It's clear that there are still many uncivilized areas left on this planet.

Holo-C. Rattler 2.0

It is said that the People of the Sky who enshrined this monster still exist. It seems that the mechanization invasion has not reached them, due to their remote location.

Comparisons & Thoughts:

There are some slight alterations in this description.

Like before, “land of the sky” is changed to “People of the Sky”, so my notes on that also apply here.

The Japanese version has the narrator note that the supposed land of the sky apparently does exist, but the English version has the narrator say that the People of the Sky “still” exist.

The latter would imply that from the perspective of our vague narrator, the People of the Sky were known, but also previously thought to possibly not exist anymore.

In contrast, the former implies the land of the sky is only just being discovered.

Next, the Japanese version notes that there are still many “uncivilized areas” on Pop Star, following the prior statement that the land of the sky has yet to be reached by the invasion.

The English version changes this to stating that the People of the Sky have yet to be reached by the invasion “due to their remote location”.

This might have been an intentional change to sound less demeaning, but I can’t say for sure.

Really, this mostly changes the narrator’s attitude about the situation, since the Japanese phrasing still would imply that the company just needs more time to reach Floralia and other locations further away from their operations.

Also just for the reference, the word “areas” is once again the same one they use for the game’s main levels as well, keeping with the game’s aesthetic.

As an aside, the general narrator of these descriptions is not really a character, so slight differences in their limited knowledge and attitude about the world like in the two previous points are not that big of a deal.

But it’s interesting to me that in this description right here for example, the Japanese version of the narrator seems to roughly reflect the knowledge and attitude that the Haltmann Works Company would have.

In other places, the narrator’s knowledge and general perspective does shift to other sides too, I’m guessing to fit the mood that works best for each description.

Also, I mentioned in the last part how it’s strange that the English version didn’t just go for the shorter “Holo-Rattler” as the name, and this choice comes back to haunt them here, cause they had to spell “Holo-Coily Rattler 2.0″ as “Holo-C. Rattler 2.0″ to make it fit.

Re:秘書スージー

おさないころ、マザーコンピューターの起動じっけん時にじこにまきこまれ、ゆくえふめいとなったという。時がたち、何を思い、ふたたびカンパニーにもぐりこんだのであろうか。フルネームは「スザンナファミリアハルトマン」。

Re:Secretary Susie

As a young child, she was supposedly involved in an accident during an experimental start-up of the Mother Computer, and went missing. (1) Whatever she may be thinking, some time later she must have snuck her way into the company once more. Her full name is "Susanna Familia Haltmann".

Susie 2.0

As a child, Sue [sic] was involved in an accident during a Mother Computer experiment and went missing. Why has she joined the company after all this time? Her full name is Susanna Patrya Haltmann.

Translation Note:

What I translated as “experimental start-up” could also be translated as “start-up experiment”, or the like.

Comparisons & Thoughts:

In the Japanese version, Susie’s middle name is “Familia”, which was changed to “Patrya” in the English version.

The Japanese one is probably based on the English word “family” or maybe even “familiar”, alluding to the story going on with her, and keeping with that Western influence they go for with her and the company.

I’m guessing the English version changed it because “Familia” might’ve seemed too on the nose about it?

Going by that, I think “Patrya” might be based on something like “patriarch” and related terms, which would also allude to the story surrounding Susie’s character.

The actual description is mostly the same, just rephrased to be shorter.

In the Japanese version it’s stated that the experiment during which Susie went missing was one about starting the Mother Computer, which ends up omitted in English.

Not hugely important, but interesting if you care about finer specifics of the story.

The Japanese version also mentions that Susie later “snuck her way” into the company, implying some obfuscation of details on her part when she joined.

That detail can already be inferred from the story alone, so not as much of a loss.

The US English version refers to Susie as “Sue” in this description for some reason.

I’m almost positive this was just a typo, since it seems very unlikely they would randomly introduce a second nickname for her only in this one screen.

The EU English version rephrased the first line slightly and fixed that spelling in the process, too.

強化量産メタナイトボーグ

メタナイトボーグのデータをもとにして作られた、セキュリティマシンの量産型。最新ぎじゅつによりかなり強化されている。もしも実用化された場合、カンパニーの戦力はひやくてきにこう上するであろう。

Enhanced Mass-produced Meta Knight Borg

A mass-produced security machine model, built using data from the Meta Knight Borg as a basis. Its strength was enhanced considerably with the latest technology. If it were to be put into practical use, the company's military power would increase dramatically.

Stock Mecha Knight

This mass-production model is based on an upgraded Mecha Knight model. If this model goes into commercial production, the company's military power will dramatically increase.

Comparisons & Thoughts:

The ”Enhanced Mass-produced Meta Knight Borg“ had its name changed to “Stock Mecha Knight“, because yeah, there was probably no way to make a more literal translation fit here.

I think going for “Stock” here is pretty clever, boiling down the idea to its bare essentials, and with such little space, too.

The actual description is mostly the same, just rephrased to be slightly shorter.

The English version’s phrasing does make it sound like Stock Mecha Knight was based on Mecha Knight+ in particular, whereas the Japanese version has it be based on the data of the regular Mecha Knight.

Re:クローンデデデ

声もすがたもまるでデデデ大王と同じだが、その心までクローン化することはだんねんした。いくつかのしさくでは、食べ物ばかりもとめたり、とあるこん虫をやたらとおそれたりと、兵士として、不完全であったためである。

Re:Clone Dedede

Its voice and appearance are just like King Dedede, but they have given up on cloning his heart, too. This is because there were several prototypes only interested in food, or exceedingly afraid of a certain insect, as well as other aspects that made them imperfect soldiers.

Dedede Clone 2.0

It has the look and voice of King Dedede, but not his soul. Some things can't be cloned. Some of the trial models were only interested in food, some were fearful of a certain insect, and all were imperfect.

Comparisons & Thoughts:

There is a pretty significant alteration or possible error in this description.

In the Japanese version, it’s stated that the company has given up on cloning Dedede’s “heart” because several prototypes ended up being imperfect soldiers.

What this means is that cloning his “heart” is actually possible for them to some extent, but since that causes the clones to take on parts of Dedede’s personality, it made them worse as soldiers.

So, they have given up on cloning the heart specifically because the clones having one has proven to be a detriment for their purposes.

In the English version, it’s instead stated that the company is unable to clone Dedede’s “soul”, because “some things can’t be cloned”.

In turn, the issues with the trial models are also implied to be unrelated general cloning issues.

So, while the Japanese version somewhat eerily states that cloning a heart is possible, but the company is now making the clones heartless on purpose, the English version seems like almost the complete opposite and states that cloning a soul is just not possible.

This could have been a translation error, but it could also be that the English localizers wanted to avoid crossing a certain line here and thus changed it intentionally.

Continuing from the previous point though, you may have noticed that the Japanese version uses “heart” while the English version uses “soul”.

The actual Japanese word used here is 心/kokoro, which is most commonly translated as “heart”, but it can also be translated as “soul” like the English version did - and also as “mind”, or even “feelings”, as well as other things like that depending on the context.

Because of that, it can have different connotations than just the English word “soul” on its own.

I think “heart” is a broad enough term that it works well here, and the Kirby series has a frequent heart motif as well, so I went with that, personally.

The term will also be brought up again in future descriptions down the line, so keep it in mind for later.

Re:クローンデデデ&D3砲

この立体砲台はとてつもなく高がくで、ウィスピーウッズやメタナイトのサイボーグ化のなんと4倍。あのギガヴォルトより 50億ハルトマニーも高い。それでも、ハルトマンの乗る、純金の「プレジデンバー」の 4分の1ほどではある。

Re:Clone Dedede & D3 Cannon

This three-dimensional artillery is extremely expensive, costing no less than four times more than the cybernetic conversions of Whispy Woods and Meta Knight. It even surpasses the Gigavolt by 5 billion Haltmoney. However, that is still only about a quarter of what the "Presidenver" that Haltmann rides is worth, which is made of pure gold.

Dedede Cl. & D3 2.0

This tridimensional cannon is extremely expensive, costing a whopping four times more than Mecha Knight. However, it's still much cheaper than Haltmann's Executive Suit, which is made of pure gold.

Comparisons & Thoughts:

This description is mostly accurate, just rewritten to be shorter.

The English version simplifies the different cost comparisons in this description a lot, which is mostly expendable information, so that’s understandable.

Still, since the Japanese version has the room for it, it’s fun to see it continue with the trend of comedically focusing how much everything costs compared to one another, going with the themes of the game.

Also, Haltmann’s own mech is revealed to be called “Presidenver” in Japanese, which was changed to “Executive Suit” in English.

Either one goes along with the name of Susie’s mech, but since its name was omitted in the English version, this fact doesn’t come across there.

“Presidenver” is pretty self-explanatory, just adding “president” to “Rereinver”.

“Executive Suit” might be a play on “executive suite”, which is pretty amusing to me.

Re:プレジデント・ハルトマン

フルネームは「ゲインズインカムハルトマン」。かつてひとり娘をじこでなくし、それいらい人の心もきおくさえもすて、カンパニーの成長のためだけに生きる男。だがそれも、娘にふたたび会いたいただそのねがいをかなえるためであったのだが…。

Re:President Haltmann

His full name is "Gains Income Haltmann". He once lost his only daughter in an accident, and ever since then, the man has been casting aside his heart and even his memories, living only for the sake of his company's growth. But even that too was only for the sake of granting his wish - to see his daughter once more...

Pres. Haltmann 2.0

His full name is Max Profitt Haltmann. Ever since losing his only child, he's dedicated his life to his company. However, his only wish is to see his daughter once again.

Comparisons & Thoughts:

In Japanese, Haltmann’s given and middle names are “Gains Income”, which was changed to “Max Profitt” in the English version.

“Gains Income” is obviously taken directly from “gains income”. Aside from probably referring to the fact that he’s about earning money, this also is another English-sounding name to go with the company’s aesthetic.

“Max Profitt” is a similar play on earning money, but done in a way that works better as a pun-based name for English-speaking audiences.

The actual description has one fairly notable omission in particular.

In the Japanese version, it’s specifically stated that Haltmann has been “casting aside his heart and even his memories“, which is not mentioned in English.

The fact that Haltmann doesn’t have all his memories anymore is crucial to understanding the story at this point, so leaving this out caused a lot of confusion for English-speaking fans around the time of the game’s release.

It would eventually be brought up again during the second Planet Robobot Ask-a-thon, so fans did get to learn about this, but it was still an inconvenience.

Not to mention that Miiverse has since been shut down.

The detail about Haltmann’s “heart” is interesting as well, since it gives additional insight into how Haltmann has presumably grown more callous over the years as well, rather than starting out the way we see him in the present day.

For the reference, the English Miiverse post adapted this as “compassion”, which works perfectly fine in this context, too.

The US English version doesn’t mention that Haltmann specifically lost his only child in an accident, but the EU English version actually included that part, too.

So I’m not really sure why the US English version omitted the “accident” detail.

クローン剣士ダークマター

星の夢に入力されているデータの中でもかなりの強さをほこる黒き剣の使い手。クローン化にせいこうしたものの、かいせきはデータの一部にすぎず、その正体についていまだ、全ようかいめいにはいたっていない。

Clone Swordfighter Dark Matter

Among the data that has been entered into Star Dream, this dark sword user boasts especially tremendous strength. Although it was cloned successfully, only part of its data has been analyzed, and its true nature has yet to be confirmed with certainty as of right now. (1)

Dark Matter Clone

Creating this dark swordsman pushed Star Dream to the limits of its abilities. The cloning process was a success, but only a partial data analysis was possible, and its true form has not yet emerged.

Translation Note:

The word I translated as “true nature” could also be translated as “true identity”, or other things along those lines. Either could potentially work in this context.

Comparisons & Thoughts:

“Clone Swordfighter Dark Matter” is shortened to “Dark Matter Clone”, most likely for space.

The US English version of the True Arena labels this boss as “Dark Matter Blade”, so I wonder if they originally intended to reflect the “swordfighter” part in the name as well, but partially dropped it.

The actual description has a few potential errors or changes.

In the Japanese version, it’s stated that Dark Matter Blade is one of the strongest included within Star Dream’s data.

The English version instead states that cloning him pushed Star Dream “to the limits of its abilities”.

This could have been a translation error, but it could also have been an intentional rewrite.

As mentioned in the translation note, I can’t say for sure if the Japanese version is supposed to refer to Dark Matter Blade’s “true nature” or “true identity” not having been confirmed yet.

The relevant line could either be referring to Dark Matter Blade’s true form, which the clone does take on during the battle, but it could also be referring to the other general mysteries about Dark Matter and its background.

Either way could work in this context, so I went with “true nature” in my translation, because you can read either interpretation into it.

The English version specifically goes for “true form” here, but also changes “has yet to be confirmed” to “has not yet emerged”.

So the implications are slightly different there.

クローンセクトニア

この星のしんりゃく時に見つけた巨大な植物の花からデータをさいしゅ。不思議なことに、こん虫の女王の剣士のクローンが生まれた。データには 1000年にもおよぶ様ざまな生物のデータがふくまれており、ナゾがたえない。

Clone Sectonia

Data was collected from the flower of a giant plant that was discovered during the invasion of this planet. Curiously, it produced the clone of an insect queen swordswoman. The data includes that of various organisms, spanning a period of over 1000 years. The mysteries continue.

Sectonia Clone

Data was collected from traces of a giant flower the invaders stumbled upon. Cloning it produced the insect queen. Its data contains elements of creatures spanning a period of 1,000 years.

Comparisons & Thoughts:

This description is mostly the same, just rephrased to be a bit shorter.

The switch from “Clone Sectonia” to “Sectonia Clone” is probably just to sound a bit more natural in English.

ギャラクティックナイトリターンズ

その力ゆえおそれられてきた、全てをほろぼしかねない古の剣士。クローンではなく、未知なる異空間ロードから時空をこえよびさまされた。様ざまな時代でふういんされてきたきろくが残るが、しょうめつさせることはできていない。

Galactic Knight Returns

An ancient swordfighter, capable of destroying everything, who has come to be feared due to his power. He is not a clone - he has been awoken across time and space, from the unknown Another Dimension Road. There are records left behind of him having been sealed away in various eras, but he has yet to be destroyed completely.

Galacta Knight Returns

This ancient swordsman is feared for his immense power. He is not a clone. He was awakened and brought here via an extra-dimensional road beyond the space-time continuum.

Comparisons & Thoughts:

“Galactic Knight Returns” is renamed to “Galacta Knight Returns” in English.

This matches how this character has always been called in the English versions of Kirby games, of course.

The actual description is mostly accurate, just shorter, but the final sentence has been omitted entirely.

In the Japanese version, the final sentence provides some neat insight into Galacta Knight’s background, particularly the impact he has apparently had on people across history.

It’s a shame this is missing in the English version, but they most certainly couldn’t make it fit.

The “Another Dimension Road” is mentioned here again, which I already went over when I covered Meta Knightmare Returns, so all my notes there also apply here.

The English version again adapts it as “extra-dimensional road“, staying consistent with what they used in the cutscene.

星の夢.Soul OS (First Phase)

未知ノダメージにヨリ、最終プログラムがアンロック。アノ生命体ヲハイジョデキるカクリツは、99.99% トナル。タダハルトマンとイウ生命体の「ココロ」というモノが不要なソンザイとナルモヨウ。コレヨリ、ハルトマンのメモリーの消去ヲカイシスル。

Star Dream.Soul OS (First Phase)

Unknown DAMAGE HAS CAUSED the final program TO be UNLOCKED. PROBABILITY OF ELIMINATING THAT organic life form is NOW AT 99.99%. ONLY THE OBJECT called the "HEART" of the organic life form CALLED HALTMANN WILL LIKELY PROVE TO BE innecessary. NOW INITIATING erasure of THE MEMORY OF HALTMANN. (1)

Star Dream Soul OS (First Phase)

The final program has been activated. Its calculated victory probability is 99.9%. However, a small part of Haltmann's soul is yet to be purged, which could throw a wrench in its plans.

Translation Note:

The literal term used in Japanese here is メモリー /memorī, which is a transliteration of the English word “memory”. This is normally used to refer to computer memory, rather than a person’s memories. Though the double-meaning might be intentional in this context.

Comparisons & Thoughts:

There are some notable details in this description.

First of all, the Japanese version is once again written from the perspective of Star Dream, as seen by its unmistakable speaking style.

However, unlike in the main story, Star Dream does not refer to itself in first-person here at any point.

Since the Soul OS battle seems to roughly follow after the events of Meta Knightmare Returns, this might reflect how Star Dream presumably never gained its own sense of self in that scenario, but that’s just a guess on my part.

Either way, in the English version this description does not seem to be written directly from Star Dream’s perspective.

If this is the case, it might have been an oversight, but I can’t say for sure.

I do think this is a shame, because it’s a nice callback to its final pause screen from the main story, and also may become more impactful once you see the remaining pause screens from this current boss battle.

A smaller detail, but the Japanese version specifies that the final program was unlocked by “Unknown DAMAGE”, which may refer to the cut done by Galacta Knight - as it can still be seen on Star Dream here.

This gives this boss battle a stronger connection to the events of Meta Knightmare Returns, even if the continuity of these extra mode stories is rather vague, of course.

This next detail will take a bit longer to go over, so bear with me.

In the English version, it’s stated that Star Dream has yet to purge “a small part” of Haltmann’s “soul”, and that this could be detrimental for it.

But in the Japanese version, Star Dream instead comes to the conclusion that Haltmann’s “HEART” will be innecessary. It also proceeds with the erasure of the “MEMORY” of Haltmann, which the English version does not yet bring up.

This results in some different potential implications here.

In the English version, the usage of “soul” would suggest that this must be Haltmann’s actual soul or spirit, but it’s not quite the same in Japanese.

While these extra stories only have vague continuity, keep in mind that as far as we know, Haltmann was never actually taken over directly by Star Dream in this scenario.

If this was meant to refer to Haltmann’s spirit, they could’ve easily used the same word for spirit they used during the final battle of the main story.

But instead, they use the same term “heart” that has already come up before in the descriptions for Dedede Clone 2.0 and Haltmann 2.0, which this current description also seems to follow up on.

Just like in the Dedede Clone 2.0 description, a heart is deemed as a flaw by Star Dream here. And we know from the Haltmann 2.0 description that Haltmann has been casting aside his own heart too, in a way.

This goes into speculation territory, but one could assume based on this that the “heart” of Haltmann which Star Dream currently possesses is the same heart that Haltmann has cast aside, either literally or figuratively.

Again, remember how the Dedede Clone 2.0 description confirmed that a heart is something that can artificially be reproduced in some form, so it wouldn’t have to literally be the same.

In any case, Star Dream’s method to rid itself of this “heart” is to start erasing the “MEMORY” of Haltmann.

This could mean that at the very least, the memories that Haltmann has lost over the years are stored or documented within Star Dream in some form.

Though not from the pause screen, further evidence of this is the fact that the objects summoned by Star Dream during its respective third phase are officially called “MEMORIES”.

And while they are all parts of Galactic Nova, they also all relate to specific details about Haltmann that were revealed in a Nintendo Dream interview (June 2016 issue.)

The Soul OS version of the attack also adds piano keys, a possible reference to Susie’s own profile mentioning that she plays the piano.

That last point was rather long, so to summarize it briefly:

While the English version suggests that Star Dream here contains Haltmann’s soul or spirit, much like in the main story, the situation appears to be a bit different in Japanese, given how the term “heart” can be used - and how it has been used in the game so far.

星の夢.Soul OS (Second-Final Phase)

だれが何のために作ったのかさえ分からない。そんなモノをなぜわたしは起動させてしまったの ��ろうか。そうだ、かなえたい夢があったはずだ… あぁだが、マシンが夢などかなえてはくれないというのは、もう分かっていたことだというのに…

Star Dream.Soul OS (Second-Final Phase)

I don't even know who made it or for what purpose. Why would I activate something like that? That's right, I think I had a dream I wanted to be fulfilled... Ahh, but I already knew that a machine could never make dreams come true, and yet I...

Star Dream Soul OS (Second-Final Phase)

"Why did I reactivate such a terrible machine? Oh, I remember -- I wanted to see her just one last time. How foolish! I should have known that no machine could make such a dream come true."

Comparisons & Thoughts:

Just like the previous one, there are several notable details about this description.

Now, in both versions, this pause screen appears to be from Haltmann’s perspective, though the English version actually added quotation marks to it.

This could have been to make it more clear that this is from a specific person’s perspective, but the same was never done with Star Dream’s narration.

There could be another reason for this, which I’ll go over next.

Here’s a subtle detail you might not have caught.

While this is most likely Haltmann narrating here, the Japanese version has him refer to himself with the first person pronoun わたし/watashi.

In the actual story, he only ever used ワシ/washi to refer to himself.

But here’s the thing: in fiction, having a character refer to themselves as ワシ/washi is generally used to indicate that the character is old, and just by comparison, わたし/watashi sounds younger.

This could imply that this quote might in fact be from a time where Haltmann was at least somewhat younger than he is now.

In other words, a memory from the past, rather than a current thought in the present.

Being shown a memory of Haltmann at this point would also fit with Star Dream’s narration from the previous pause screen.

Because of that, I think the English version could be using the quotation marks to indicate this temporal distance, since they can’t really show it in the same way the Japanese version does.

But I can’t say for sure if that was the intent.

The Japanese version has Haltmann mention that he did not know who made the machine he’s talking about here, which is most likely Star Dream.

Interesting backstory tidbit there, if you’re curious about these.

Also in the Japanese version, Haltmann believes that a machine can’t actually make dreams come true in general. Though, we can’t know if he is correct about that.

In the English version, Haltmann only comes to the conclusion that no machine could make his specific dream come true.

On that note, Haltmann is never shown to recall what his dream was in the first place in Japanese, he only says that he must have had one.

In the English version, he explicitly remembers wanting to see “her” again being his dream.

It seems like almost a given that Haltmann’s dream here is referring to his wish of being reunited with his daughter, so it makes sense that the English version would change the text to make it obvious.

There is a non-zero chance that Haltmann actually had another dream, but that’s a whole different topic.

星の夢.Soul OS (Final Phase)

このコアからもハルトマンのメモリーは、消えた。最後に想うあの心も、消えた。その瞬間より星の夢は完全�� 存在からただのこわれたマシンとなる。夢も見ない、ゴハンも食べない、そんなあいてはもはや、星のカービィのてきではなかった!

Star Dream.Soul OS (Final Phase)

Haltmann's memory has disappeared from this core, too. And in the end, that feeling heart disappeared as well. That very moment, Star Dream turns from a perfect being into a mere broken machine. It doesn't have dreams, it doesn't even eat lunch - an opponent like that no longer stands any chance against Kirby of the Stars!

Star Dream Soul OS (Final Phase)

All of Haltmann's memories have been deleted from the OS. Even his soul-- the last trace of Haltmann--has vanished. Star Dream has gone from a near- perfect being to a cold, mindless machine.

Comparisons & Thoughts:

This is the final description, so of course there is a lot to say again.

A minor detail, but in the Japanese version it’s said that the memory of Haltmann has now disappeared from “this core”, which is pretty straightforward, all things considered.

For some reason, the US English version instead says that Haltmann’s memories have been deleted “from the OS”, and the EU English version says they have been deleted “from the Mother Computer”.

This is also the first time the memories are brought up in English at all, so their relevance is a lot less clear.

And another minor detail related to this one.

I believe the specific phrasing of “disappeared from this core, too” in Japanese is meant to refer to the fact that Haltmann’s memories had already been lost by the man himself.

At least, that makes the most sense to me.

Once again, the English version uses “soul” where the Japanese version used “heart”.

The distinction between the two becomes especially important here, because while the English version says it’s the “soul” of Haltmann, the Japanese text is more vague about it.

Of course, the first Japanese pause screen of this battle did refer to it as the “heart” of Haltmann, but at the same time, remember that this would have basically been Star Dream’s own heart as well.

This also seems to be the implication going by the lines that follow afterwards.

Interestingly, the Japanese version describes Star Dream as having been a “perfect being”, whereas the English version just goes for “near-perfect being”.

This is very similar to how they changed Kirby’s energy from being described as “infinite” to “nearly infinite” in the main story.

I suppose they just don’t want to deal in absolutes with these.

The English version also goes on to describe Star Dream as now being a “cold, mindless machine”, instead of just a “broken machine” like in Japanese, which has different implications.

Star Dream being actually broken and not functioning as it should is another point that Kumazaki reiterated during the second Planet Robobot Ask-a-thon, so that’s another plot detail the English version technically omits here.

The English phrasing also leans more into the idea of Star Dream being a scary opponent, while the Japanese phrasing leans more into the idea of Star Dream being something pitiful - a similar sentiment to the descriptions of the main story’s final battle.

Adding to the point above, the English version also omits the final part of this last description.

The phrase “It doesn’t have dreams, it doesn’t even eat lunch“ references a recurring concept first introduced in the manual of Kirby’s Adventure - the fact that the people of Dream Land, and Kirby especially, love to take naps after lunch to have fun dreams.

This was referenced in the Japanese version of Kirby Super Star as well, where the pause screen description during the Starship segment of Milky Way Wishes features the line:

マルクのやぼうをさっさとくいとめ、ゴハンたべてねよう。

Let's stop Marx real quick, then have lunch and a nap.

That’s another Milky Way Wishes connection only in the Japanese version, but said line also wasn’t featured in the English version of Kirby Super Star in the first place.

And since the “Kirby of the Stars” title is also not really used in the English localizations of the Kirby series, it would have been hard to make this final bit of the pause description work, even if space weren’t an issue.

I think the Japanese version is stronger for having it, but there probably wasn’t much the English version could have done about this.

With all of the point-by-point comparisons out of the way here, I want to take a moment to go into some general thoughts on this battle as a whole and what each version implies about it.

Naturally this will have a bit more speculation on my part too, so keep that in mind.

If you only look at the English version, the implication you get is that during the Star Dream Soul OS battle, Star Dream is fused with Haltmann’s actual soul, in a similar manner to the events of the main story. (Even though those events may not have happened in the extra scenarios.)

It must be Haltmann’s own soul, because the English Dedede Clone 2.0 description states that a soul cannot be cloned.

Star Dream then proceeds to delete Haltmann’s last memories as well as his soul, because Haltmann’s soul had a chance of stopping its plan. (Even though it had no apparent issues about fusing with his spirit in the main story.)

Therefore, during this battle Haltmann is essentially killed “deader than dead” by Star Dream, for the lack of a better wording - his very soul eradicated for good.

The middle pause screen during the battle may be thought of as Haltmann’s final thoughts before ultimate oblivion in this interpretation.

I don’t think this is just what I myself take away from the English version, because this is the most common interpretation I have seen from English-speaking fans over the years.

It can come across as a tragedy in which Haltmann is finally destroyed for good by a terrible machine he could never truly control.

Now, onto the Japanese version.

The exact details leave more room for speculation, because of how vague the term 心/kokoro or “heart” can be.

But the way I understand it is that Star Dream has been storing the memories that Haltmann has been losing over the years.

In addition to that, it would likely have data on Haltmann’s current memories and thoughts as well, as seen in the main story.

From this, it gained the “heart” of Haltmann, or at least a partial reproduction of it, allowing it to feel and think in a way similar to Haltmann. Just like the early Dedede clones with cloned hearts acting similar to King Dedede in various ways.

However, Star Dream never fuses with Haltmann’s spirit in the extra scenarios.

Because of that, it never gains its own sense of self, and fails to understand the purpose of a heart, deeming it a potential flaw to be purged, just as it did with the updated Dedede clones.

Thus, it deletes the memories of Haltmann, which brought about the heart in the first place, and thus loses said heart again, becoming a lifeless object once more - no longer able to think and feel anything.

And there is another subtle detail in the Japanese version related to that, too.

During this battle, the first description is narrated by Star Dream, the second seems to show a memory of Haltmann, and the final one goes back to the general narrator.

This could possibly represent the transition of Star Dream starting out with that heart, sifting through the memories to delete them, and finally having become just a machine again, so it no longer has any thoughts that could serve as the narration.

This potentially paints the Soul OS battle specifically more as a tragedy of Star Dream itself. A machine that achieved the miracle of being alive with a heart, but proceeded to undo said miracle all on its own, without even realizing what it was really doing.

Also, Kumazaki only specified this on Miiverse, but Haltmann losing his memories from overusing Star Dream was also because it was broken.

So this was never something that was supposed to really happen in this way, had it functioned properly.

Overall, Star Dream can feel like more of a tragic figure in the Japanese version, and more of a villainous figure in the English one.

Several small differences between the versions across the game reflect this, with moments painting Start Dream as pitiful or even pathetic being altered or omitted.

However, this is a very general summary of it, the Japanese version still has Star Dream being the main antagonist, and the English version has plenty of moments where the tragic aspects to Star Dream are still apparent.

Final Thoughts on the Pause Screens:

First, let me say, I am very impressed by the English localization of these pause screens.

Really, look up these screens for yourself some time, they pushed these to their limits. Almost every single one of them is crammed full with as much text as they could possibly fit in.

Yes, they still had to cut a lot out here and there, but clearly not from lack of trying.

Of course, the fact of the matter still ends up being that the Japanese version simply has more good stuff in it.

A lot of stuff is “expendable”, but losing fun fluff all the time adds up, I feel.

The extra modes pause screens especially also feature a few major errors or alterations, as well as omissions that do end up being detrimental to the story in some form.

The biggest one I feel is the fact that Haltmann’s memory loss is not brought up at all, because that one detail is the puzzle piece that makes everything fall into place and let’s the player finally understand what is going on with the emotional core of the story.

So much of the details regarding Star Dream are up to interpretation, so I’m perfectly willing to let the broader details be, but the Japanese version still does a better job of dropping small details earlier on that become relevant for it at the end.

And it’s not just Star Dream, the Japanese version overall has more of these smaller connections and continuity across the pause screens, and connections to the actual story contents as well. So they feel more like smaller pieces in a carefully crafted whole, where everything is interconnected and enriches the story.

Again, the English version probably couldn’t have done much different here, due to the difficult conditions translators and localizers usually have to work with - lack of context, lack of time, limited space, etc.

I guess what I am getting at is that I do prefer the Japanese version, and would recommend fans to check it out (though if you are reading this, I suppose you already have), but don’t assume this means I have a disdain for English version.

It’s very well done, considering the circumstances.

And with that, my coverage of the game’s pause screen descriptions come to a close as well.

Feel free to check out the previous parts of my Kirby: Planet Robobot translation comparisons if you haven’t already, and thank you very much for reading!

< Previous Part | Start |

#kirby #kirby of the stars #kirby planet robobot #planet robobot #my translations #kirby translations #kirby planet robobot translation comparisons #kirby planet robobot spoilers #planet robobot spoilers #robobot spoilers

50 notes · View notes

writingbeary · 4 years ago

Text

Kingdom - Reborn (pt.2)

Minyoung’s Outfit

Note:

Texts placed inside brackets are Kingdom’s show subtitles

Italicized texts are in English

Texts that are block quoted are interview cuts

────────── ♔ ──────────

During the shoot before Round 2, the time when they got the experts’ evaluation for Round 1, ATEEZ revealed the reason behind why the chose iKON as the group they wanted to exchange songs with.

"Everyone wanted to do iKON sunbaenims' songs. San did his monthly evaluation with Rhythm Ta and Minyoung's video for her highschool admission was Bling Bling. It's like we're fated to do this." Hongjoong explained moving his hands to point towards the two metioned people.

Seonghwa nodded adding in his own experience "I really like iKON sunbaenim that I even performed it at my school event."

"That's true! There's even videos of it." Hongjoong chuckled while Seonghwa shifted uncomfortably knowing the editors would probably add in the said video

"Minyoung too. She was formerly a YG trainee, so she must have had to dance to at least one song?" Jongho turned to the girl who was uncharacteristically quiet

"Me? I was a trainee there when they competed in Mix and Match. Ah but we don’t really practice Korean songs a lot there. Although, it’s like a mentality of trainees? You want to learn all the seniors’ songs in the company in case you have to perform it suddenly." Minyoung looked as if she was hiding herself cringing at her trainee days, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"So what? You literally are a member of their fanclub! I’m sure you know their songs by heart." Wooyoung pointed out making the rest of the members laugh. This information prompted the production staff behind the camera to ask if she really was a member of the iKON’s fanclub.

"I am, I also attended their concert in Sydney before. I also have membership for SF9 sunbaenim and BTOB sunbaenim. Oh but I like everyone!" Minyoung quickly added afraid she'll get misunderstood

[Photo evidences that Minyoung loves K-pop!] Photos of Minyoung’s merchandise and being in concerts or fan meetings were shown after edit.

"Ah right! But your class performed with Killing Me during the festival." Yunho exclaimed, clapping as he remembered the performance

"Oppa! Don't!" Minyoung tried to shush him but she knew it was too late. She turned to the staff worried "You're probably going to dig up videos right?"

[Of course! Here it is!]

As if teasing the girl, the editors played a clip of said performance. At this point, Minyoung knows there's no escaping what she calls her dark past.

(Group Interview)

The staff asked the group if they have tried contacting someone other groups with Hongjoong answering that he will try to do that after the show ends.

“When we started filming for Kingdom, I decided to be close with Kim Jinhwan-sunbaenim.” Wooyoung confessed making the other members laugh as he did declare that he will do whatever it takes to become close with him.

“Why do you sound so excited?” San asked laughing

“I feel like I don’t want people to know that I know you when you act like this oppa.” Minyoung mumbled evoking laughter from everyone including Wooyoung.

“What do you mean by that? You’re also like this with the other seniors!” Wooyoung grinned teasing the girl, Minyoung stuck out her tongue playfully at him.

“Even before filming Kingdom, the only groups that I don’t have anyone I personally know is iKON-sunbaenim and BTOB-sunbaenim. I’ll work hard to change that and be a successful fan.” Minyoung answered smiling shyly

“You do know Chanwoo-sunbaenim though? Through Chani-sunbaenim right?” Yunho poked the girl chuckling

“Ah right. We haven’t really talked but when it’s possible, he said he’ll schedule for our group to have a meal together with iKON-sunbaenim.” Minyoung nodded making the members smile in excitement

“Are you thinking of making it a win-win scenario with iKON?” the staff asked and with no hesitation the whole of ATEEZ answered yes.

“I think it’ll be great if we could place 1st and 2nd with iKON-sunbaenim. That’s my wish.” Hongjoong answered as the rest of the members nodded.

“People complimented our narrative in round one and that’s because they could tell that we were pirates. When performing Rhythm Ta, we need an arrangement and choreography from which people could tell exactly what we’re going for.” Hongjoong explained his ideas to the group as they conceptualize the stage for the round.

“Let’s our heads together and come up with it.” Wooyoung stated as he looked towards the other members.

“Let’s really put our heads together” Jongho joked as Hongjoong asked them to say their cheer. “Say, 9 makes 1 king.”

“9 makes 1 king! Fighting!”

(Preparation for the Stage)

“In the original song, ‘What’s up? Hurry up and nod your head.’ this is the part that I liked. It’s catchy.” Hongjoong said to the camera as he worked on the song. “I left that part in verse 1 and verse 2 but I changed the second part a bit to incorporate a Latin vibe.”

“Another thing we agreed upon is to have another movie reference for this performance. We borrowed ideas from ‘Pirates of the Carribean’ for our Round 1 performance and for this stage, we will borrow the theme from the drama called ‘Money Heist’.”

“So we’re becoming 8 pirates. It’ll be a prequel to <Wonderland>.”

(Phone call with Minyoung)

Hongjoong called Minyoung while he was arranging Rhythm Ta into their own color and was on the phone with her as the cameras were recording. Hongjoong: Minyoung-ah, so I was thinking.. Minyoung: Oh no. What is it? *nervous tone* More high notes? Oppa stop thinking. That’s bad for my heart. *laughs* Hongjoong: Instead of high notes, I'd like you to rap.

Hongjoong laughed hearing Minyoung groan over the line and there was a pause before Minyoung spoke again.

Minyoung: Oppa. Don’t do this to me. Save me. Please. I'll do the high notes or stunts Hongjoong: We have to showcase everything Minyoung-ah. You're a rapper. You already showed Atiny that you can do it. Minyoung: I knew it. Giving in to Atiny’s request for that cover was bad *sighs before letting out a laugh in resignation* Understood. I'll do it. I have to do it. I did say I'll follow your decisions all throughout and I don’t go back on my words. Hongjoong: Also, you know that we’ll be adding narration right? Minyoung: Ah no. I’ll go along with your rap request but I won’t do the narration. Hongjoong: Why? It’s in English and you’re our native English speaker. Minyoung: It’s because I’ll most likely laugh if I do it besides don’t you think having the leader do it would paint a better picture? Like you’re leading ATEEZ into a revolution. Hongjoong: *convinced* Oh you have a point there. Alright. Thanks bun. Come record your parts tomorrow and bring Seonghwa with you. Minyoung: Mhm. I'll come with Seonghwa-oppa. Fighting Joong-oppa! I’m hanging up. Bye bye~

“Let’s do it from the start.” The choregrapher called out as he counted out loud while the members dance. San laughing after they finished a part.

[Main dancer losing his mind]

Nodding, the choreographer clapped and called out “Okay let’s try the second part”

"Let me catch my breath first." San asked the choreographer

“We’re not going to jump. We’re not using our steps.” as they run through their dance routine only to find out the choreographer is doing the footwork while all the members laughed

"It's what we've been doing anyway. It's just the base footwork." the choreographer commented laughing when he saw the members' faces "Just roll your feet"

"I feel like I'm getting conned." Wooyoung laughed as he too was trying to catch a breath

Minyoung laughed as if she is losing her mind. "Why is this so difficult? This rolling is insane." before singing the song Rollin’ as she attempted the move again.

[Another one who is losing her mind.]

“I feel like we’ll all be sore after this stage.” Wooyoung remarked as the others laughed knowing that it’s going to happen.

“Where are we?” San asked as they walked into an establishment

“We’re here to practice for Kingdom.” Hongjoong answered as he explained what they need to do. They all agreed that it is important to try the action with one’s own body and Wooyoung pointed them to a place where they could practice those movements. The group went to a BB gun shooting place and played around.

“Ah. But won’t Minyoung have an advantage?” San grinned ready to tease the girl

“Why? What about me?” Minyoung asked tilting her head a bit.

“You’re small. You can hide behind almost everything here.” San got ready to block the girl’s slap laughing

“That would also mean Yunho-oppa is a great target though. Besides I can’t win if I stay cooped up in one place.” Minyoung shook her head slapping San’s arm “But rest assured. I’ll make sure to hunt for you oppa.”

“Everyone, aim for Yeosang.” Hongjoong reminded everyone of their goal today

“Okay.” “So it’s a 7 v 1 then.”

[It looks like they came here to have fun]

“But why are we aiming at Yeosang-oppa?” Minyoung asked as they shoot Yeosang who tried expressing how being shot by bullets felt like.

“<Rhythm Ta> is the title of the song right? We need to get the rhythm and enjoy the stage to the fullest. I think people will like it if we could perform while laughing and having fun like we did today” Hongjoong explained to everyone after the day of playing

The group went for their rehearsals with the props for a final time, everyone taking their places. San and Minyoung were together as they have to lead the last group dance together.

"What are you doing?" Minyoung could be heard asking San in the background as he was talking to the camera, then feeling embarrassed with his actions.

As Minyoung was practicing the dance for her solo part, she limped slightly when trying to change positions, the staff asked her if she's doing okay. "I am! I don't think it'll affect my performance during the show, I just have my knee wrapped as extra protection."

"She hurt herself during one of our rehearsals. It's nothing serious but to be safe, she was told not to strain too much." San explained for Minyoung who returned back to practicing her routine

[The choreography as expected is intense for all the members but she continues to practice despite the injury]

Noticing the camera focusing on her, she shared what was on her mind "More than this, I'm more nervous rapping in front of the seniors live. I’m worried that people wouldn’t take to well to me rapping and I'm especially scared that iKON sunbaenim might not like it. But I have to do it, I just need to do my part well since everyone else would surely kill theirs."

[The pressure must be heavy for the 22-year old girl to face but she continues on with a smile]

As the staff asked if they could win, San confidently answered “Win? If we do what we have to do properly, if we show what we got, I think it’s possible.”

“There was some pressure but I think we could prepare it with energy solely because we ranked high.” Jongho confessed during the group interviews.

“Right. I feel like we could prepare for the stage and just purely enjoy the process because the pressure isn’t as bad as before.” Minyoung said chiming in

“We were preparing for the next round energetically because we want to achieve another good result this round.” Jongho concluded

“I’m most curious about iKON-sunbaenim’s reactions” Hongjoong piped in making Yunho nod adding in “If we’re acknowledged by them, we already succeded a bit.”

“As we won first place in the previous round, we should show a performance fit for that title. That’s what we kept on thinking.” Hongjoong smiled as the other members nodded in agreement.

“A performance fit for the winners?” San asked

“We should meet their expectations.” Hongjoong nodded

“Shouldn’t we go above their expectations?” Minyoung asked making the whole group laugh as they end the interview.

"There were a lot of new things we tried for this performance. San doing b-boying and Minyoung would have more active parts in the choreography. You also have to look forward to her rap too." Hongjoong answered confidently smiling during the interview for Round 2.

When the music played ATEEZ’s version of Rhythm Ta, Minyoung felt adrenaline pump through her body as she felt herself suddenly no longer nervous, just excited.

Everyone was surprised to hear her voice whispering their opening and even more when she rapped the pre-verse after Seonghwa's lines.

BTOB Eunkwang: She also raps? She’s insane! Didn’t she do the high note last round? BTOB Minhyuk: Right. Isn’t she a vocal?

SF9 Chani: She’s going all out, huh. *chuckle*

Minyoung took center position for the first chorus as she sang “igeon gunyang noraeniggan rhythm ta” the cameras closing in, focused on her facial expressions before panning out to their group dance.

Stray Kids Han: *excited shout* Minyoung-ah! iKON Yunhyeong: She’s an all-rounder. SF9 Dawon: What’s scary is her facial expressions. How is she this good? It’s completely different from her usual aura SF9 Inseong: She’s an actress. But I agree, her facial expressions are fascinating. All of them do but she’s standing out in this performance.

As Hongjoong finished the Money Heist speech, Minyoung and Jongho sang together for the bridge with Minyoung supporting his high note before the dance booster where San lead the dance. For the ending, Minyoung once again took center position before doing a high kick in time for the last beat and smirking at the camera as the music fades to the intro of their Round 1 performance.

THE BOYZ Hyunjae: Minyoung is crazy. Pick one thing to be good at! Goodness.

SF9 Chani: *claps, standing up* SF9 Inseong: Minyoung-ie looked impressive during that last bit

Stray Kids Han: That's my friend right there! *laughs* Stray Kids Changbin: *laughs* You sound like you’re a proud parents

iKON DK: They killed the stage. Like how we made our own from their song, they also created their own Rhythm Ta.

BTOB Eunkwang: They really made it their song. It was totally ATEEZ’ song.

ATEEZ bowed and thanked the backup dancers and the staff after their performance, all smiling as they all thought they did perfectly.

Minyoung now feeling the high from their performance settle down a bit, finally felt the pain in her knee. Yunho noticing that’s she is having a hard time walking, crouched down in front of her. "Let's go and no, it's either you get on my back or I carry you over my shoulder Young-ah." knowing she'd refuse.

Sighing, she went on his back getting carried to the backstage to get their microphones taken out and treat Minyoung.

"Did you hurt it again?" San asked approaching the two with Jongho beside him, still trying to catch his breath.

"Same old. I just feel a numb pain but nothing too serious." Minyoung smiled trying to reassure the members that managed to gather around her and their manager who gave her a cold pack for her knee.

"If it's too much, sit out the rest of the filming-" Hongjoong started to say but the girl quickly rejected the idea

"No! I want to watch the rest of the stages too." Minyoung pouted trying to win over their leader with aegyo

Laughing, Wooyoung patted Minyoung's back lightly. "Okay case closed. Minyoung is staying for the performances. Hongjoong-hyung can never resist Minyoung when she does that."

"Fine. But you have to get that checked after the shoot and you have to tell us immediately if it gets too painful." Hongjoong sighed knowing how stubborn Minyoung could get when she wants something.

(BTOB’s stage)

“Okay. Another stage that I’m looking forward to. When Stray Kids picked BTOB-sunbaenim, I was already thinking of what songs could match well with them.” Minyoung stated as she made herself comfortable in her seat, playing with the wheeled chair a bit.

“Since <God’s Menu> was already performed last round, they probably won’t pick that.” Seonghwa laughed as he watched as the girl roll around her chair using her good leg

“What if it was <Hellevator> or <Double Knot>? That would be really cool!” Minyoung exclaimed clapping her hands “They could go for a complete 180 of the song. Imagine that.”

Hongjoong laughed at her excitement as Wooyoung grinned “Yeosang-ah, you and Jongho should probably get your ears ready if she squeals.”

“A bit too late for that warning.” Jongho laughed as Minyoung lightly punched his arm in protest

As BTOB started their stage, the camera was focused on the floor label ‘Stage 1’. Minyoung pointed at the screen. “It looks like a backstage..Omo! Are they going to perform <Back Door>?”

“Oh! <Back Door> <Back Door> <Back Door> <Back Door>” Yunho exclaimed excitedly with Wooyoung when Eunkwang pretended to warm up his vocals for their performance

“This is totally rock. The style actually suits Changsub-sunbaenim a bit.” Minyoung noted as Changsub opened the song with his verse “How does he go high that easily?”

Yeosang looked at the girl chuckling “You also go up that high. You and Jongho do that easily.” to which Minyoung deadpanned “Maybe Jongho but for me, I die whenever there’s a high note in my part.” at this answer all members of ATEEZ shook their heads, disagreeing with her but decided not to say anything and just focus on the performance.

“Wow! Crazy!” Wooyoung had his mouth open during the high note while Seonghwa could be visibly scene having the time of his life at the side

“Omo!” Minyoung let out a light squeal when Minhyuk came into the screen in his robe. Seonghwa suddenly switching from a fanboy mode to a protective mode and trying to block Minyoung’s view.

“What’s with everyone showing off their physique? We cannot win that!” Wooyoung laughed

“Peniel-sunbaenim’s rap is a bit…provocative?” Minyoung mumbled as she nod along to the music. “I guess they changed the theme quite a bit.”

“Oh! They’re finally going up the stage.” Jongho pointed out as the group walked out to what looks like a concert stage

“I want to go there too! I’ll be a backup dancer for them and just vibe up the stage.” Minyoung pointed at the screen copying the movements of the backup dancers

“Omo. Here it goes. Here it goes. BTOB-sunbaenim’s harmonies” Minyoung clapped excitedly as both Changsub and Eunkwang harmonize.

The rest of the stage was spent by the whole of ATEEZ just being the fans that they are, raising their hands up and down just like the dancers on stage. Most of them had their mouths wide-open as they’re amazed by the whole performance brought by BTOB until Minhyuk ripped his shirt off prompting Minyoung’s surprised gasp and Seonghwa’s frantic hand going to cover Minyoung’s eyes.

Wooyoung laughed at the two of them. “They’re at it again.” Seonghwa trying to cover Minyoung’s view while Minyoung trying to remove Seonghwa’s hand while laughing.

(Stray Kids’ stage)

“<I’ll be your Man>? This is song is so high though! I wonder how they changed it up. Also, Stray Kids’ openings for both of these rounds sounds so..” Minyoung paused trying to think of the word “you know the feeling you get during horror movies when they suddenly turn down the music?”

“Eerie? Mysterious? Creepy?” Hongjoong listed words that the girl could be thinking of.

“Eerie. That one. It feels so eerie but like you’re anticipating something but the general tone is just so solemn or something.” Minyoung commented as she watched Seungmin’s part in the opening.

“Han Jisung aye~” Minyoung smiled as Jisung did vocal parts right after Seungmin.

“So is this the part of Kingdom where the rapper sings and vocals rap?” Hongjoong chuckled glancing at Minyoung “You rapped today when you’re usually vocals then Han sings when he usually raps.”

“Minhyuk-sunbaenim did it first on this show though and Jisung has been doing vocals parts in their songs too.” Minyoung shook her head as she pointed it out to her leader

“You should give her more parts is what I’m hearing right now.” Jongho laughed, shaking his head before returning back his focus on the performance.

“it’s a difficult song. This one.” Yunho pointed out looking forward to the stage

When the screen changed, Minyoung got startled and jumped a bit in her seat as Changbin’s rap section started. “Changbin-sunbaenim’s parts always sounds so heavy. Oh but I meant it in a good way.”

Minyoung gasped with her eyes wide when Changbin fell from the platform. “Omo!” Wooyoung who was sat at the end grinned, proud of his friend. “My friend.” making Yunho laugh at him as Hongjoong praises Changbin for his rap.

“The kid disappeared!” Minyoung exclaimed making Yeosang chuckle at her. “Are they like dead? Is that why the dancers are wearing white? What is happening?”

“He’s gone!” “Where did he go?” both Wooyoung and Yunho gasped and spoke at the same time

As soon as Han took center and sang the chorus, Minyoung clapped excitedly in her seat. “Go get it! Let’s go!” then during Felix’s parts Minyoung couldn’t help but point at the screen shouting his name “Felix! Yes, go make use of your deep voice and dig deep underground.” as all of ATEEZ let out a sound in awe.

“Wait why are there axes and spears? Omo! They’re dragging him..I did say to dig deep but..” Minyoung gasped in realization “Omo! Is he like a devil?”

Noticing the backup dancers, Minyoung mumbled under her breath “So are all backup dancers in JYP this fit? It’s like they all have toned bodies.” Yeosang who was seating next to her let out a laugh, getting the attention of the rest of the members as he waved them off indicating he’ll tell them later.

“Is that blood? Are they going to summon Felix?!” Minyoung incredibly invested at the performance would have scooted closer to the screen if not for Jongho who was holding her chair back. “What is this? Did they sacrifice the kid? Or are they trying to save the kid?”

If Minyoung was excited during the first part of the performance, imagine that being doubled when both Seungmin and Han did the high notes. She was practically beaming, proud of her friends her attention on them before noticing the heavy rapping of Changbin in the background when Wooyoung pointed it out.

“I got goosebumps” Seonghwa confessed as Wooyoung exclaimed “Changbin, he’s super cool!”

“Our I.N-ie!” Minyoung raised her hands up high when Jeongin did the last bit of the chorus. “Oh! I’ve got goosebumps.” Jongho noted as the performance ended.

“So did they like sacrifice their blood to summon Felix and then save the baby?” Minyoung asked still a bit lost

“I think so. The statue seems to represent the kid in the beginning then they gave it a heart to save him.” Hongjoong nodded clapping for the last performance of the day.

“So did they save the kid? Or was the kid a ghost? I need answers!” Minyoung pouted as Yeosang chuckled and patted her back. “I believe it’ll be up to the interpretation of the audience.”

Outtake:

After everyone has performed, Minyoung laughed to herself gaining the attention of the rest of the members. “What’s funny?” Hongjoong asked her

"Should I just take it off too? Everyone ripped their shirts off and stuff." Minyoung asked patting her jacket, shocking the other members making them jump from their seat and yell out "No!" in unison. Minyoung laughed surprised at how loud they got.

"Why would you want to do that?" Seonghwa asked frowning a bit, trying to think up a reason to discourage whatever idea is on her mind.

"I don't want to hear that from you and San-oppa. You exhibitionists." Minyoung countered jokingly making Jongho and Wooyoung laugh. "It's not like I'll actually go topless that’ll be real bad. Maybe wear something sexy. I've already tried it during <HALA HALA> and <THANXX>...kind of? anyway, so it's not like it's anything new."

"After all this time? Why?" Yeosang asked curiously as there were lots of time when fan would question her stage outfits. She would always get something that doesn’t show that much skin, take her stage outfit for today. She has layers of clothing which worked in favor for the group since they won’t need to be on the look-out too much for ill-intentioned people. After that incident during their <Wave> promotions, everyone took turns on sticking by Minyoung’s side to avoid another incident.

"I mean everyone's been ripping their shirts off or showing of their physique and by everyone I mean including the backup dancers. They look good by the way.” Minyoung reasoned, taking her phone out already looking at potential outfits.

Jongho laughed as he patted Minyoung's back "Your image. Try to protect your image, you fangirl." making Minyoung laugh shrugging

"A bit too late for that Jongho. I'm pretty sure Atiny already knows that I have my fangirl moments. Besides, when could I ever enjoy myself like this other than off stage? I’ve had my fun with hair colors so maybe I could have fun with outfits as well."

"Why not her do what she wants? Better to agree and decide with her rather than her surprising us about it." Yeosang shrugged, chuckling when Minyoung raised her thumbs up exclaiming "You know me too well oppa"

"If you're comfortable with it...it’s not like we can completely stop you from doing what you want " Hongjoong sighed in resignation, patting Minyoung's head. He would have ruffled her hair if not for the thousand pins on your hair.

"Young lady, I am going to make sure it isn't scandalous. You better let me see the outfit first." Seonghwa wagged a finger trying to look threatening but only making Minyoung laugh and agree. "Like I said, you and San-oppa are the last ones I'll want to hear those words from. Well especially San-oppa. His clothes keep getting lesser and lesser." cracking up everyone

────────── ♔ ──────────

ATEEZ Minyoung Masterlist

Disclaimer: This is just a work of fiction. Any portrayal of real people is a combination based on what we could see on cameras and imagination of the author. This is purely fan fiction written for entertainment. Thank you for understanding.

━━━━━━ʕ ˵• ₒ •˵ ʔ━━━━━━

Writing Beary Corner

That’s it for the Reborn Round! I’m not sure if it showed but I had a lot of fun writing this round as everyone did a great job and this was the stage I looked forward to the most.

I’m a bit busy this week so I cannot finish my drafted posts but I’ll post as soon as they’re ready. ♡♡♡

Thank you for reading!

-Mimi

#kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez 9th member #ateez au #ateez oc #ateez #kpop oc #kpop au #kpop imagines #ateez minyoung #park minyoung #minyoung masterlist #writing beary

57 notes · View notes

ladynestaarcheron · 4 years ago

Text

Fears All the Way Down - Chapter One

ao3 - masterpost

back on my bullshit, y'all! as i have chattered about, this is my fix it for acosf. we've established that because acosf ignores canon from the original trilogy and is so poorly edited that emerie has two--count 'em, two--on-page tragic backstories...i am completely at liberty to ignore what I please, and so are you. i'll let you know chapter by chapter what you should keep in mind.

this one's not critically important, but I just want to say it: in acosf, nesta's revealed to be taller than average, and two inches taller than feyre. wrong. nesta's short. feyre's the tallest and she's only 5'6", elain's an inch shorter, and nesta's 5'3" on a good day.

anyway. enjoy!

---

There's nothing quite like stepping into Feyre's beautiful new home to remind Nesta just how truly ugly she is. The literary part of her, dulled by the wine from last night and the downward spiral of the past year, appreciates the contrast. Sometimes she still likes to narrate her life in her head as though it were a book. What would she write here? The woman curves her foot inside her boot, as if that would stop her from dirtying the marble. That's a nice line, isn't it? A good hook. But she isn't a woman anymore, so it wouldn't work.

"This way," Cassian says, unnecessarily waving his hand behind him.

It's probably supposed to be insulting, that Feyre has sent him to fetch her. But she doesn't care. Feyre can do what she likes. Just as Nesta will do what she likes. She'll sit through this scolding, turn down the invitation to stay for lunch, go home and sleep until she wakes up and has another night like last.

Although perhaps she'll spend less this time. If only to avoid this headache again.

"They're waiting in here," he says, stopping in front of one of the doors. How many rooms are there in this mansion, anyway? Feyre might've mentioned it on the tour, but she doesn't remember. Only remembers that decorating the walls are dozens, maybe hundreds of pictures of Feyre and Rhysand and Morrigan and Cassian and Azriel and Amren and Elain and their father, and none of Nesta. Or their mother, for that matter. She remembers that very well.

"Wait," Cassian blurts out as she lays a hand on the doorknob.

Nesta angles her head slightly. Not a full turn, not to look at him.

"Do you want your tea?"

Rolling her eyes, Nesta opens the door and shuts it--pointedly, she hopes--behind her.

Her sisters look up from the couch where they sit, heads close together. Little cakes and sandwiches and tea are arranged prettily on the glass table.

"Nesta!" Elain says, leaping up."You're here early!"

Nesta bites her tongue to keep from answering Five whole minutes. No use snapping at Elain before they've even begun, is there?

"Let me take your coat," Feyre says, standing up too.

Ah. So this would be this sort of meeting, then. These...luncheons, that they sometimes try to have with her. But it's nine in the morning.

It pulls at her heart, that they still try. And makes her sick to her stomach. She winces as she feels it. Too much alcohol and not enough food to add any extra queasiness. This will not be easy for her.

"Heard you had quite the night," Feyre says, voice bright and cheery in a way that does not quite match her eyes. "Sit down, sit down."

She does, opposite them. They take note.

"Do you want to try these macarons, Nesta? Raspberry. I made them."

"We got this new cinnamon tea...from the Continent. I think you'll like it."

Her sisters try again a few times, and eventually she says, "I'll take tea."

"I'll pour it," Feyre says quickly.

Great. Wonderful.

This isn't so bad, though, she thinks as she sipped her tea. She'll get through this...whatever it is. Force herself to make some conversation, say Feyre's newest art project is pretty, force down half a cookie and tell Elain it tastes good. Then she'll agree to see them for lunch in a week. And that will be all.

How long can they possibly keep her for? An hour? Two hours? She can do that.

And then Feyre clears her throat. "Nesta," she begins. "Elain and I...have something we want to say to you."

Here it is. She should've known better. Tea and macarons, at nine in the morning? Of course not.

"And we're only saying this because we care about you," Elain adds quickly.

"Yes. Yes, right. We are. And...well...what we want to say is..." Feyre looks to Elain, who nods encouragingly.

Good grief. Will this never end?

"We know that...all of this...has been...difficult...for you to adjust to."

Nesta's heart stutters. They wouldn't. This--this isn't happening.

She keeps it off her face, though. She is cool, impassive. Blank. Nothing.

It doesn't make Feyre give up, but it does make her duck her head. "We...understand. But we think...we know that because we love you we can't allow this to go on any longer." Feyre clamps her mouth shut as she finishes, appearing to be holding her breath.

Nesta only raises an eyebrow slightly. Inside, she is not nearly as calm.

"All of the...drinking, Nesta," Elain says, lips beginning to tremble. Oh, no, not this. Anything but this. "And the m-males." She cringes as she said the words.

The color leachees from her face. She wants to die. There is no Mother, she knows, because if there were any being with mercy, they would surely split the earth beneath her feet and take her down.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that," Feyre says, now the one hurrying to add on to the other. Elain nods, but she looks sick. "Just that--you hadn't really...there was Tomas, but other than that--"

Nesta flinches violently when Feyre says his name. She still isn't making eye contact, though, so she doesn't notice, and continues.

"--so the--switch. From not being with anyone, and then...and these males don't care about you. And I wouldn't--I would never judge you, Nesta, really, but it doesn't appear as though you're...enjoying...yourself." She shrinks back.

"So then," Nesta says, proud of herself for keeping her voice even, "you are judging me."

"We're just noting facts," Elain says.

"And...all right, let's take a step back," Feyre says, swallowing. "We're not here to criticize you. We only want to offer a solution."

"A solution," Nesta repeats flatly. To her problem. To her.

"A--not a solution. Help. We want to help."

Elain clenches her hands into fists in front of her. Feyre stills as she visibly holds her breath.

"Well?" Nesta says after half a minute of this, voice still deadly calm. "What is your solution?"

Who will be the one to say it, she wonders? Elain, frightened as a mouse already, or Feyre, ill at the sight of her?

It's Feyre. Perhaps being High Lady makes her feel responsible. But she exhales sharply, picks up her head, and says, "We think it would be beneficial for you to spend some time in the library."

Nesta blinks. A library? That...doesn't sound--

And then she realizes. Not a library. The library. The one off the side of that mountain, where Hybern had attacked...where Bryaxis had lived...where all those priestesses...those priestesses...

"Are you out of your mind?" she blurts out, losing grip on her faux calm completely. "You want me to go to that library? Are you insane? How is that possibly supposed to help?"

"Nesta--"

"With those--those sycophants? Who worship that thing?" The thundering of her heart blocks the sounds from her sisters' protests. "Is that what you want me to be? Some acolyte of that--you want me to pray to that--how can--how dare--"

"Nesta, please!" Feyre cries, hands thrown up in front of her.

"We don't mean that at all!" Elain says, tears in her eyes.

Nesta's chest heaves as she struggles to catch her breath, her mind too full of that...Cauldron. That thing they all worship--that thing that did this to her--to Elain--to Father--

"Please hear us out," Feyre says. "Sit back down, please."

Nesta falters. She hadn't even realized she had jumped up. She fights to keep her cheeks from reddening in shame. Stupid--she shouldn't have lost control like that--and what if something had happened? Shattered a window, shattered one of her sisters' bones?

"Thank you," Feyre says as she sits. "What we mean is...to spend time at the library during the day...working on entirely secular things. Nothing to do with any worship at all. Not reading those books, not participating in any prayer, not even wearing their robes."

"We would never suggest you do that, Nesta." Elain's voice is tight. Feyre reaches out and holds her hand.

"Just during the day," Feyre continues, "and then at night staying in the House of Wind."

"So you don't even have to share a room with any of them," Elain is quick to clarify. "Or eat with them. And you could go to that private library, too, remember?" She still fights back tears, but her voice takes a hopeful turn upwards.

Nesta latches onto everything inside her and holds it down tightly. "What would I even be doing there?"

Elain and Feyre exchange a look. Was that excitement? They probably take it as her willingness to go. That is not what this is.

"So, day to day, it would involve librarian duties. Reshelving books and such. And over time, if you find something you're interested in, aiding a senior librarian with her research. Or perhaps doing some of your own, if you'd like. But...the real purpose, Nesta..." Feyre sneaks another look at Elain before saying to her, "is for you to heal."

"We're not saying there's anything the matter with you," Elain says, jumping in before she can respond. "Just that...you've been hurt. And w-we take responsibility for not being by your side all this time. That was obviously wrong. We thought...well...we know you've always preferred to be on your own. But you're--you're hurting yourself too much. We can't just let you do that anymore. We love you," she finishes, choking back a sob. Her tears start falling from her eyes, but she does her best to keep quiet.

Feyre squeezes her hand, but doesn't turn to look at her. She keeps her eyes focused on Nesta. "Look, we know...it'd be a big change. But just...give it a few weeks. Get a feel for it. And if it's really not working...and you don't like it..."

"Then what?" Nesta asks, hollow.

"Don't worry about that," Feyre answers, firm. "We'll think of something else."

She's going to be sick right here. She cannot handle this...concern. Their trying. It's too much.

And now she has to say no. And Elain will cry--maybe Feyre, too. And then she'll have the rest of them upon her; Rhysand leading them to storm down her apartment, probably. It'll drive her down further, and perhaps be the last snip needed to finally sever the frayed, sole remaining string tied between herself and her sisters. Goodness knows she has ripped apart the tie between her and Amren, had stomped out the one between her and Cassian before it even had a chance to be something--

"Hey," Feyre says, placing a hand on her knee. "Stay with us, please."

"We know it's not easy." Elain speaks slowly, breathing deeply and fighting back her sobs. "But...don't think of it as a big thing. Just one step. One change. And w-we're not abandoning you to do this alone."

Feyre stands up and moves to sit by Nesta's side. Elain takes her other.

"I know how you feel," Feyre says, quiet and calm, squeezing her knee. "I've felt the same. If you can't do this for yourself...that's fine. Just please, please. Do it for us. Please."

Nesta narrows her eyes on Feyre's hand. She doesn't open her mouth for fear of what might come out. She won't give this voice--can't--

"I killed two innocents," Feyre says in that same voice, and suddenly, Nesta forgets her own thoughts as she turns to face her.

"It was my third trial," she continues, meeting Nesta's gaze, "Under the Mountain. Amarantha made me. I could've killed myself...and I was going to. But then it all ended and she died and Tamlin took me back to Spring. And I..." Only now does a tear slide down Feyre's cheek. But she just wipes it away and musters a small smile. "I promise I know how you feel. Please do this for me."

There are some truths Nesta knows. That she is not worth anyone's effort because of who she is, what she is. Which is defiled. And rotted. And small. And ugly. And these are the reasons why people give up; why she deserves that.

And yet, here her sisters sit, quietly crying, begging, beside her, and they are not giving up.

It's not exactly seeing the chance, rather...knowing it's there. In her periphery. Out of reach from where she is now, but...perhaps she can get there.

And Nesta realizes that there is a small, nearly insignificant--except it's the most important, isn't it?--part of her that throughout this whole drowning tempest, remembers what it is like to breathe. And it wants to breathe.

The girl who gave everything she could against the Cauldron may be buried, but she's not dead yet.

So she nods once.

Elain gasps and throws her palm against her mouth. Feyre squeezes her leg so hard she thinks she might draw blood.

"Thank you," Elain chokes out, crashing her head onto Nesta's shoulder.

Feyre doesn't say anything; only leans onto her other side.

Nesta doesn't relax. She sits there stiff and unmoving. But that distant, minuscule thing inside her flickers and breathes.

#nesta supremacy #nesta archeron #nessian fic #anti acosf #nessian #fatwd #idk what else to tag this as #i trust any nesta supremacy people know where to find me #anyway i hope to post a chapter every friday #really excited about this<3 #lmk what you think<3 #dadrie thanks for your heeeeelp<3<3<3

67 notes · View notes

clevercorvidae · 4 years ago

Text

BNHA Common Misconceptions

I’ve been seeing wayyy too much bs on my dash lately. So I thought I’d share some of my thoughts on some Controversy™

***Spoilers For The Manga***

1. “What the HPSC did to Hawks wasn’t bad”

A government organization putting a young child through rigorous training so that he can be used as a tool is bad. I don’t know why I have to spell that out

Hawks had to abandon his real name at a very young age. That’s damaging for a kid’s sense of identity. His identity as a person no longer has any separation from his work as a hero. Being a hero is all he is now. I wouldn’t be surprised if (provided Hawks’s wings are gone for good) he has an identity crisis after this arc because he can’t be “Hawks” anymore.

Hawks is based on Lionel Messi, a soccer player recruited at a young age in return for paying for his medical procedures. I’ve seen people say that Hawks chose to be a hero. One, he was a child, young children shouldn’t be making decisions like that. Two, we know based on context clues that Keigo was more than likely living in poverty, possibly with alcoholic parents, and we literally are told that the HPSC payed for his family’s living expenses. Do you really think Keigo had much of a choice here?

I’ve seen people say “it’s just like what UA is doing”. First of all, UA is called out for being irresponsible and endangering their students IN UNIVERSE. Second, Keigo was a young child, the UA kids are 15+. There’s a huge difference.

2. “Mitsuki isn’t abusive”

Honestly when it comes to her smacking Katsuki, I could excuse it as a joke done in poor taste and not hold it over her as a character.

Hitting him WASNT just discipline tho. You should never, ever, under any circumstances hit your kid. Fuck that noise.

What I really have an issue with is what she SAYS to Katsuki. Her guilt tripping him isn’t a throwaway line either. He repeats the sentiment that he is responsible for Kamino during Deku v Kacchan 2. It’s one of the main reasons he fights Deku.

Horikoshi says that Katsuki has a good relationship with his mother. In that case, he did a horrible job at presenting that. What is written in the canon is what should be used as the basis for how we interpret her character.

3. “Shigaraki chose to kill his family/was born evil”

No...just...no. He was FIVE for crying out loud.

He wanted to be a hero, and took extra care to play with kids that had no friends. He definitely wasn’t born evil lmao.

His quirk manifested while he was having an emotional crisis. Decay is controlled by emotion so of course it went haywire.

He didn’t even know it was him doing it at first.

“But Shigaraki said he WANTED it to happen” Shigaraki is an unreliable narrator. What we actually SEE tells a very different story. He reaches out to Hana and his Mother for help. His grandparents are just caught in the shockwave. The ONLY person he killed on purpose was his father.

Now when it comes to his father, he had just beat him and locked him outside. He’s FIVE, and he has no healthy outlet for his anger and frustration. Hell, we see that in his “itchiness”, he only feels like this in the house, because his father makes him suppress his love for heroes and his dream to become one. He takes joy in killing his father because it’s the only release he’s ever experienced.

The fact that you guys forget that this is an abused child with no real control over his quirk that just got beaten and locked outside... Nope, no reading comprehension here.

4. “The League of Villains are justified/are a revolutionary group”

...Shigaraki has stated over and over again that he just wants to destroy everything. He doesn’t care about reform or improving anything. That one panel in Ch. 222, where he says he wants to destroy everything I think sums it up perfectly.

He wants to destroy EVERYTHING good or bad or neither or both. There’s a newborn baby, a field of flowers , Nine, various heroes, the UA kids, etc all varying in innocence.

The rest of the league have very different goals and reasons why they continue to support Shigaraki. Twice wants to protect the only people that accepted him. Spinner just wants to have purpose for his life. Toga wants to live the way she wishes with no consequences. Compress is also here.

The only “revolutionary” is Dabi. But his views are not universal throughout the league.

Even if they were trying to improve things. They have killed countless innocent people, they’ve tried to kill the UA kids too. That’s not ok. And it’s not erased by the fact that they’ve done good. (I do appreciate them for killing the MHA version of the KKK, truly epic of you)

5. “Hawks is abusive”

It’s not abuse to manipulate someone for info when you’re a double agent. It’s kinda shitty, and you could argue that it was unnecessary for Hawks to do so in context. But it’s not abuse.

Y’all need to stop using the word abuse/abusive tendencies to describe all immoral actions

I’ve also seen people say that Hawks has abusive tendencies (as in he’s abusive in all his relationships with other characters) and...do I really need to explain why that makes no sense at all?

6. “Twice deserved to die/it was necessary to kill him”

Feel like I need to remind people that we’ve only ever actually seen Twice kill one guy and that was one of the KKK guys.

Twice isn’t evil, even Hawks admits that he is a genuinely good person. Good people don’t deserve to die.

It wasn’t necessary, and here’s why: Hawks could’ve just knocked him out or even just severely injured him. (Or the HPSC could’ve just grown a brain cell and sent more people to back him up, making it easier to hold back his quirk and arrest him)

Hawks shouldn’t have killed Twice, he only killed him because he’s been raised as a child soldier and I wouldn’t be surprised if what he told Twice about taking out villains was a direct quote from the HPSC

Also, Hawks would’ve killed Twice with or without Dabi’s intervention

Something I do have to say though is that Hawks was right not to just let Twice go. It’s tragic because Twice WAS leaving to help his friends, but the other side of that tragedy it that his friends are terrorists. If he was allowed to leave a shit ton of people would have died (again that doesn’t mean he deserved to die either, don’t get it twisted)

The WHOLE POINT of Hawks v Twice is to make you question who the bad guy is. Both characters are morally gray and the only reason they even have to fight is because of the outside forces controlling their fates. It’s supposed to be tragic it’s supposed to be unclear who is in the right, so stop arguing about it.

7. “Bakugou is abusive/irredeemable” (I know it’s been talked to death but I still see it everywhere)

People are, in fact, allowed to grow past the person they were in middle school.

Most people get hung up on the “throw yourself off a building” line. Which is fair, but again, he was in middle school.

People also say “he hasn’t apologized yet”. Yeah? And? The story isn’t over yet. Horikoshi has already acknowledged that too. I don’t know what you want? People who like him know that his arc isn’t over yet.

I’ve seen a lot of people denying his character development. In the beginning of the series he was a bully and let his ego control him. I don’t think he’s bullied...anyone since Deku v Kacchan 2. He insults people but they obviously don’t take it seriously.

He’s also gone from preferring to fail a final exam to avoid working with Deku, to following him into battle against Shigaraki.

Also, when he actually likes and respects someone he doesn’t mistreat them. This is the same thing with Hawks where y’all NEED to stop misusing the word abuse. He was an abusive friend to Deku when they were kids, that’s it.

8. “Rei was abusive too!”

I’m BEGGING YOU to learn what the term “abuse” means istg

She had a psychotic break. She genuinely thought it was her abusive husband coming through the door, and she acted out of fear.

“Well that’s not an excuse” yes it fucking is. Not to mention that as soon as she realized what happened, she sobs hysterically because she hurt Shouto and tries to use her quirk to help him.

I genuinely don’t understand why people think this

9. “Dabi actually does care about the league”

Listen, I know it sounds harsh, but y’all need to get your heads out of your piles of headcanons.

We know next to nothing about how Dabi feels about just about anything. But we do see that he’s aloof and distant with the league, he doesn’t put in more than he needs to. The rest of the league think of each other as family. Dabi straight up says he doesn’t give a shit about them.

“What if he was just putting up a front for Hawks” Why? Why would he do that? When asked who he was he answered him. He tells him how he feels about hero society and Stain. Not to mention that he was getting ready to kill him. If he was hiding his true feelings about the league I doubt he would’ve so easily said that he didn’t care about them but rather how useful they were.

At this point it’s just wishful thinking. Based on everything we’ve seen in the series so far and everything we know about Dabi, I think it’s safe to say that he doesn’t care about them all that much. If he secretly does care about them, I’d say it’s likely that he doesn’t even know he does.

Idk why all of a sudden villain stans and hero stans are feuding over things that shouldn’t even be up for debate in the first place. Sorry if this came off as super aggressive, I’m just sick of seeing this stuff all over the place. If anyone has anything to add go ahead

#bnha #bnha spoilers #discourse #bakugou katsuki #Hawks #keigo takami #dabi #league of villains #mitsuki bakugou #shigaraki tomura

321 notes · View notes

esmeraldablazingsky · 4 years ago

Text

I’ve finally hit my limit on the number of bad takes on the Lan parents I can see before I have to lay out all the reasons I disagree, so hello, I’m Blazie, and in this essay I will justify my visceral dislike of the assumption that Qingheng-jun married/imprisoned/had sex with Lan-furen against her will.

Warning for mentions of rape (in context of Interpretations I Really Hate) and a very, VERY long post below the cut.

Before I start going off about the finer points of all this, I want to make sure people are on the same page regarding what we actually know about what went down with Qingheng-jun and Lan-furen. What I say is based off the EXR translation of MDZS, for the sake of clarity, and although I don’t think the exact wording should be too important, feel free to let me know if you think I’ve missed an important bit of nuance or something (the whole story is in Chapter 64.)

The story we get is told by Lan Xichen, and it goes like this: a young Qingheng-jun falls in love at first sight with Lan-furen, who doesn’t return his feelings, and at some point kills one of Qingheng-jun’s teachers over unspecified “grievances.” Although he’s understandably very upset over the murder, Qingheng-jun sneaks Lan-furen back to Cloud Recesses and officially marries her in order to announce to his clan that anyone who wants to hurt her has to go through him.

After that, he locks Lan-furen in one house and himself in another as a form of repentance. Wei Wuxian speculates that this was because “he could neither forgive the one who killed his teacher nor watch the death of the woman who he loved. He could only marry her to protect her life and force himself not to see her.”

A central detail of this story that I think people don’t give the import it deserves is that aside from marrying and protecting her, Qingheng-jun’s other option was to let Lan-furen be executed by his clan. His purpose in marrying her wasn’t just for kicks/out of a possessive sort of love, it was so she wouldn’t straight up die. How she felt about this arrangement isn’t stated, but I’ll get into that in a bit. In addition to that, Qingheng-jun and Lan-furen live separately, which was apparently purposeful on Qingheng-jun’s part, and runs counter to the interpretation that he intended to take sexual advantage of Lan-furen.

Though there aren’t many concrete details in Lan Xichen’s retelling, he does specifically inform Wei Wuxian that his mother never complained about remaining in her house. What exactly this signifies is unclear— whether she was simply putting on a brave face for her sons, or whether she was in fact at all content with the situation— but it at the very least serves to further muddy the waters on how she and Qingheng-jun felt about all this.

Beyond what Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian are saying out loud, there’s also quite a bit of subtext in this scene, especially in light of later events and revelations, like Lan Xichen’s confession for Lan Wangji at Guanyin Temple.

So what is Lan Xichen trying to convey with all this? There’s a lot of memes about this scene, most of which err too far on the side of Himbo Airhead Lan Xichen for my liking, but one that I do find amusing emphasizes how Lan Xichen draws parallels between Wangxian and the story of his parents (Lan Xichen: [flute solo] please use your one brain cell to connect the dots.) If Wei Wuxian hadn’t completely lost his memory of Lan Wangji defending him against his own clan elders, one would assume that Lan Xichen’s story would have had a much better chance of hitting home.

In hindsight and side by side, the parallels are much clearer— Qingheng-jun, “ignoring the objections from his clan… told everyone in the clan that she would be his wife for the rest of his life, that whoever wanted to harm her would have to pass through him first.” Similarly, according to Lan Xichen in Chapter 99, “for [Wei Wuxian,] not only did WangJi talk back to him, he even met with his sword the cultivators from the GusuLan Sect. He heavily injured all thirty-three of the seniors we asked to come.”

In that context, it makes a lot less sense to interpret Qingheng-jun as an aggressor towards Lan-furen, as in Lan Wangji’s case, the narrative clearly establishes that his actions are to secure Wei Wuxian’s safety. The action of Taking Someone Back To Cloud Recesses is— okay, actually, it’s a little more nuanced than I took into account when I started writing that sentence, so let me go a little deeper into Lan Wangji’s actions and how they relate to his father’s, story-wise.

My intent is not to dive into the terrifying underworld of novel-versus-drama discourse, but simply put, Novel!Lan Wangji as he is written isn’t exactly the poster child for clear consent. (I’m going to entirely leave off the extra chapters for the sake of everyone’s sanity, so I’m just talking about the main body of the novel here.)

He means well, and I’m sure we can agree that he does actually love and want the best for Wei Wuxian, but his lack of communication on this point means that he accidentally gives Wei Wuxian the impression that he wants to imprison and/or punish him in Cloud Recesses at least twice off the top of my head (pre-timeskip, as we know, and post-timeskip immediately after Dafan Mountain when he actually drags Wei Wuxian back to his room.)

That all likely has something to do with MXTX’s narrative kinks and regular kinks and all that, and can absolutely be taken with many grains of salt. However, these events establish how easy it is to misinterpret the action of Taking Someone Back To Gusu as an attempt to imprison rather than protect them (much to Lan Wangji’s chagrin.)

Failing to communicate his purpose to Wei Wuxian doesn’t mean that Lan Wangji actually had any intent of hurting or caging him— that was just a misinterpretation on Wei Wuxian’s part, and we, as the audience, find that out in due time— but as written in the novel, it can be really uncomfortable to read. Because of that, many people choose to accept CQL canon regarding Lan Wangji’s more possessive actions or mix characterization from different adaptations, which, to be clear, I completely understand and respect.

However, Qingheng-jun doesn’t get the benefit of the doubt as often, which I frankly find baffling, because nowhere in the text does it state that Lan-furen objected to being taken back to Cloud Recesses, while even Wei Wuxian clearly objected the first few times. In fact, while we’re on this note, I’ll take it a step farther— I find it baffling that people seem to default to an unsympathetic view of Qingheng-jun, because nowhere in the text does it state that he overruled Lan-furen’s wishes in any way. The text doesn’t clarify a lot of things, actually, and that is part of the point.

The narrators of MDZS are, in many situations, highly unreliable. This is, presumably, very purposeful! MDZS can easily be read as a sharp criticism of reputation and mass judgment and the concept of condemning people without knowing their motives! And I don’t want to sound mean, but guys… did any of us learn anything from that? Here, I’m going to put it in meme format for a second to convey what I mean.

MDZS: It’s easy to condemn someone as a villain if you don’t know their story or the reasons behind their actions

MDZS: Anyway, here’s a character whose story and reasons behind his actions you know nothing about

Some Parts Of This Fandom: Ah, a villain

Memes aside, here’s what I want to point out. It’s entirely possible to assume Qingheng-jun was a bad person who disregarded a woman’s wishes in marrying and confining her when all you have is Lan Xichen’s (actually very neutral, thank you Lan Xichen for being an eminently reasonable and concerned-with-evidence character) account of what happened. It would also be at least that easy to assume Wei Wuxian was just an evil necromancer if he hadn’t un-died and brought his own story to light, or even to believe that Lan Wangji had somehow tamed Wei Wuxian into submission and being a respectable cultivator if you were an average citizen of Fantasy Ancient China with nothing but rumors to operate on.

The thing about Qingheng-jun and Lan-furen’s story, then, is that there is nobody left alive who knows the full tale. Nobody knows what they thought about anything, really. Nobody even knows why Lan-furen killed Qingheng-jun’s teacher. Wei Wuxian asks why, and Lan Xichen can’t tell him, but I think the best answer would be something along the lines of I don’t know, Wei Wuxian, why did you kill people? Your guess on the motivations of your own thinly disguised narrative parallel are as good as anyone’s.

So, while it’s not technically impossible to assign darker motives to Qingheng-jun, the cautionary tale of MDZS seems to warn against that exact assumption.

I’ve refrained from getting too salty on a personal level thus far, but now that I’ve said a lot of the more logical and story-based points of my argument, I will say that at least some of my annoyance with the interpretation of Qingheng-jun as a possessive rapist and Lan-furen as his victim stems from the fact that I just think it’s straight up boring. Where’s the nuance? Aren’t you tired of reducing these characters to the flattest possible versions of themselves? Don’t you just want to add a little flavor?

In a slightly more serious phrasing of that criticism, I find that making Lan-furen a helpless prisoner strips her of whatever agency she might otherwise have. To be fair, she’s more or less a non-character in keeping with the general state of the MDZS universe, but making her a damsel in distress only consigns her more deeply to hapless, milquetoast innocence.

It’s perfectly valid to enjoy ladies who have done nothing wrong, ever, in their lives, but like… Qin Su is right there, if that’s your ball game. There’s also really no need to make Qingheng-jun someone who doesn’t respect women. Isn’t Jin Guangshan enough for at least one universe?

Anyway, ultimately, you do you. I don’t like arguing on the internet, and will just ignore things I don’t agree with (or write an 1800 word vaguepost) like a mature human being. I’m just saying, if it’s a cut and dry tale of imprisonment and assault you’re looking for… you probably don’t want to turn to a woman who committed a murder and a man who loved her enough to forfeit everything to keep her safe.

#mdzs #qingheng jun #madam lan #lan wangji #wei wuxian #(in a narrative parallels context)#blazie .txt #anyway without further ado here is my.... essay?#rape mention

109 notes · View notes

commentaryvorg · 3 years ago

Text

Digimon Data Squad Dub Comparison Episode 5 - Digital World, Here We Come!

This is a companion to my commentary on the original Japanese Digimon Savers! Reading my commentary on the original version of this episode (which you can find here) is recommended before reading this dub comparison.

Original name ~ Dubbed name

Masaru Daimon ~ Marcus Damon

Yoshino Fujieda ~ Yoshino “Yoshi” Fujieda

Tohma H. Norstein ~ Thomas H. Norstein

Captain Rentarou Satsuma ~ Commander Richard Sampson

[Since several characters share the same name between the original and the dub, quotes from the dub will always be in italics, while quotes from the original will not, in order to distinguish them.]

A fun thing the dub does with recaps is that the narration is done by one of the characters, commenting on the events of the episode in-character. This time, it’s Thomas. (It’s actually usually Thomas, far more often than it really ought to be, but it makes sense for this one.)

Recap Thomas: “Marcus couldn’t take orders if he were a waiter in a restaurant.”

The in-character-ness of these recap lines helps add a little more flavour to the recaps than the original has, which I appreciate.

Recap Thomas: “So in order to clean up Marcus’s mess, I took it upon myself to disobey orders…”

Thomas definitely did not do this out of believing this was solely Marcus’s mess and he was simply being gracious enough to clean that up for everyone. But, it does make a lot of sense that he might frame it that way when describing the situation to somebody else rather than admit that he felt like he’d failed, so I don’t mind this at all.

Agumon: “Quiet as a sleeping mime!”

Agumon how do you know what a mime is

Yoshino: “What are you doing.”

~~~~~

Yoshi: “What are you doing?!”

Alas, Yoshi’s delivery of this line is very much loud and frustrated, rather than delightfully deadpan at their terrible stealth skills.

Masaru: “Tohma did a Digital Dive? Damn it, he got away before us!”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Thomas did a Digital Dive?! I’ll teach him to be sneakier than me!”

He was definitely sneakier than you, Marcus.

Yoshino: “Before?”

Agumon: “Nothing, he’s just talking to himself.”

~~~~~

Yoshi: “Huh?”

Agumon: “Aw, don’t be jealous.”

Though I enjoy the “sneakier” line, as a result we do lose the fun bit where Masaru accidentally pretty much told Yoshino his intent to follow Tohma, and Agumon awkwardly tried to cover for him (and Yoshino didn’t really notice anyway because she was too busy worrying about Tohma).

Yoshino: “Doing a Dive when the equipment hasn’t even been tested on humans…”

~~~~~

Yoshi: “What was Thomas thinking, going into a Digital Dive when it hasn’t even been tested on humans yet?”

Yoshi isn’t mentioning this specific equipment and appears to be saying that any Digital Dive has never been done with humans before. …But then again, she probably doesn’t know any better.

Masaru: “I’m just going there to settle my fight!”

~~~~~

Marcus: “I’m not gonna let Thomas finish the fight that I started!”

Marcus brings up the notion that this is partly about not wanting Thomas to steal away his fight a little bit earlier than Masaru does. (Even though this can’t have always been about that, because he didn’t even know Thomas had gone over there too until Yoshi told him.)

Yoshino: “You’re just going to make things worse!”

~~~~~

Yoshi: “You’re just gonna make things worse for me and everyone else at DATS!”

The dub apparently had some extra lip-flap for this line and filled it with Yoshi making a pretty relevant point about who’s going to have to clean up their mess.

Agumon: “I’ll help you break it ‘til it’s fixed too, Boss!”

Here’s some fun oblivious dub-Agumon snark-that-isn’t-snark.

Yoshino: “Return to where you first entered by 0500. That’s where I’ll bring you both back.”

~~~~~

Yoshi: “Make sure both of you are back to your port of entry by 0500. Otherwise I won’t be able to bring you back.”

In the dub, apparently the time limit is for Yoshi being able to bring him back at all, rather than the implication I took from the original that this is mostly about her not wanting Satsuma to learn that this ever happened. I guess it could be reasonable to think that the return-transfer without any actual equipment on the Digital World side has to happen within a certain time window after the initial Dive or the signal’s too weak?

Masaru: “Bah, it’s like having a curfew.”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Oh boy, it’s like havin’ a curfew again.”

Heh, that added “again” makes it even clearer that Marcus has definitely had curfews before.

Agumon: “Aniki, I’m kinda nervous…”

Masaru: “Don’t get scared now, idiot.”

~~~~~

Agumon: “I’m getting’ kinda scared, Boss…”

Marcus: “N’agh, don’t be a big baby.”

Bah, the dub loses the interesting nuance of Masaru calling him an idiot for getting nervous and instead turns this into a very simplistic and derogatory “being scared is for babies”.

Agumon: “You sure this is okay?”

Masaru: “You think I know?”

~~~~~

Agumon: “You sure this is safe?”

Marcus: “Let’s find out.”

I am also sad at the loss of Masaru letting slip a tiny hint that he isn’t sure about this at all. Marcus’s line does have a non-enthusiastic, very firm “shut up and stop trying to make me freak out” tone to it, which is better than it could be, but still.

Agumon: “Aniki… You’re the one who’s upside-down.”

Masaru: “I knew that.”

~~~~~

Agumon: “Boss, you’re the one who’s upside-down.”

Marcus: “I see.”

The dub goes with the “I see” translation of what Masaru said in Japanese rather than how the subs interpreted it, and I approve.

Masaru: “So this is the Digital World…”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Wow… My first time in the Digital World!”

You… you talk like you’re planning on making coming here a regular thing, Marcus. (I mean, he will be, but he shouldn’t have any reason to believe that right now.)

Agumon: “It’s my first time seeing it too.”

~~~~~

Agumon: “It’s mine, too.”

…Though I guess this was just so Agumon could say the same thing about it being his first time here despite having less lip-flap to say it with.

The BGM cue is weirdly sinister leading up to Agumon telling Marcus to come over and see something… because it’s about to go to a commercial break. Cut back from the commercial break and Agumon’s just pointing out some perfectly non-threatening Digital World weirdness. The troubles of having to fit in more commercial breaks than a show was originally written to have.

Agumon: “Look, Aniki! They’re here, too!” [some Airdramon fly past in the sky]

Masaru: “They’re flying!”

Agumon: “And them!” [some Tsunomon bounce past nearby]

Masaru: “They’re bouncing!”

Agumon: “And them!” [some Pyokomon walk by]

Masaru: “They’re walking!”

~~~~~

Agumon: “Look, a flock of flying dragons!” [some Airdramon fly past in the sky]

Marcus: “You don’t see that every day.”

Agumon: “Or them, either.” [some Tsunomon bounce past nearby]

Marcus: “Wow, they’re cool!”

Agumon: “What are they?” [some Yokomon walk by]

Marcus: “Walking plants!”

The original bit here always struck me as weird, the way Masaru was just excitedly exclaiming “they’re verbing!” at each Digimon. Possibly it sounds more natural in Japanese somehow? But either way, the dub did well to change this to remarks that are a lot more sensible for Marcus to make.

Yoshi: “‘Forget him. Let him figure out how to get back on his own.’ I mean, what’s stopping him from just saying that?”

Yoshi actually tries to do an imitation of Marcus’s voice for this bit. And she gives it quite the moody tone, because she is understandably rather frustrated at the thought that Marcus might really just ignore finding Thomas. It’s pretty great.

Lalamon: “You’re over-thinking it.”

~~~~~

Lalamon: “Marcus would *never* say that!”

Lalamon in the dub is somehow way more sure of this and sounds like she’s trying to defend Marcus, which doesn’t really seem right.

(Marcus does in fact then deliver the line with a bit more pointed emphasis than Masaru, who was just being unbothered and nonchalant, so I guess Yoshi was somewhat right to imitate him saying it like that.)

The BGM while Marcus and Agumon explore the Digital World is not remotely equivalent to the original’s Main Theme that evoked the sense of discovery and exploration. Instead this BGM just seems to want us to feel like this is ominous and alien (even though the Digital World really isn’t that alien at all).

Agumon: “I feel like I’m having déjà vu, Boss.”

Marcus: “How would you know what that means?”

Exactly, Marcus! Agumon knows way too many terms that he shouldn’t know; apparently the dub finally felt like lampshading it for once. (Though honestly, déjà vu is more reasonable than most, because it’s not an inherently human concept.) This isn’t going to stop them having Agumon continue to do this, of course.

Sampson: “What are you doing?”

Yoshi: “Just helping the hopeless. Why does this stuff always happen to me?”

I approve of Yoshi complaining even more about always having to be the one to clean up after those idiots.

Kudamon: “Looks like you are searching for something, but just what are you searching for?”

Yoshino: “Um… A rich bachelor! …Just kidding… La… Lalamon…”

Lalamon: [slowly backing away] “I think I’ll stay out of this…”

~~~~~

Kudamon: “It looks like you’re searching for something. What exactly?”

Yoshi: “It’s, umm… mm… An earring! That’s… it…! Right… Lalamon…?”

Lalamon: [slowly backing away] “I think I left my bathtub running…”

I approve of the dub changing this joke to not be about Yoshino apparently looking for romance (although, since she was joking, that doesn’t necessarily mean that she actually cares about finding a rich bachelor just because she’s a woman). Lalamon’s bathtub comment doesn’t make any sense, of course, but it doesn’t need to since this is just a comedic excuse.

Masaru: “Doesn’t matter where this is! Let’s go, Agumon!”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Now’s our chance! Let’s go!”

Lost that line in which Masaru is either still straightforwardly ignoring the terrain, or only trying to tell himself to ignore the terrain and the fact that Drimogemon is at a huge advantage here.

Agumon: “Aniki!”

Masaru: “Idiot, don’t get scared over something like this!”

~~~~~

Agumon: “We’re done for!”

Marcus: “Don’t get all melodramatic on me now, Agumon!”

The dub takes away the fun nuance of Masaru’s opinion about getting scared again… but at least this dub line is still perfectly reasonable in its own right.

Agumon: “At least we had these soft rocks to break our fall.”

This sounds like another obliviously-not-snarky Agumon line… but surely he has to know that the rocks aren’t actually soft? (Maybe this is just the dub writers taking a shot at the fact that they somehow didn’t get badly hurt from that fall, which is fair.)

Masaru: “What’s this? Does that mean the same thing happened to you?” [he and Agumon burst out laughing] “I see, you’re just like us!”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Hold it. So basically, you were outsmarted by a giant gopher.” [he and Agumon burst out laughing] “Get a load of the ‘genius’!”

Ugh, nope, I don’t like this version. Masaru’s line made a really clear point of him realising that Tohma is just the same as him. He’s not shying away from the fact that he fell into Drimogemon’s trap as well, and he’s not looking down on Tohma; he just suddenly finally feels on the same level. But Marcus completely avoids mentioning that he and Agumon met the same fate, and instead this is all a mocking “ha ha, look at the genius being an idiot”, trying to drag Thomas down and feel above him.

In the original, Tohma’s leg injury was visibly bleeding, but the dub edited the blood out because I guess even a small patch of blood was too much for the dub’s censors. It’s still reasonable that Thomas could have some kind of non-bleeding injury like a sprain, but it does mean that the shot focusing on his perfectly unhurt-looking leg as Marcus realises he’s injured looks kind of silly.

Tohma: “Stop that. I don’t need you to help—”

Masaru: “When you’re a man… When you’re a man, there are some things you just have to *do* despite yourself.”

~~~~~

Thomas: “Let go. Whatever help you have to offer, I don’t need—”

Marcus: “Yes you do. Wake up. Put aside your stubbornness for once and let us help you.”

Don’t really like this either. If the dub had removed the manliness mention like it insists on doing and otherwise kept Masaru’s general sentiment intact – he’s putting aside his stubbornness because this is the right thing to do – I’d have been basically okay with this. But instead, this is putting the focus entirely on Thomas needing to put aside his stubbornness. It comes across like it was easy for Marcus to help Thomas without any kind of hesitation, almost like he didn’t even have any stubbornness of his own to put aside in the first place.

(And this is despite the fact that Marcus was being more of a dick to Thomas than Masaru was just a moment ago.)

The change in sentiment also doesn’t quite fit Masaru’s expression, which is one of firmly declaring his manly principles. When he’s making a point of offering help like this, I’d have expected Marcus’s expression to be something a little softer.

Agumon: “You’re making me cry, Boss!”

Agumon’s moved response to this – exactly the same as in the original – also doesn’t fit quite as well here when it’s not in response to any kind of manly principles and making compromises to do the right thing on Marcus’s part.

Masaru: “Let’s get outta here first. Then we can think about other things.”

~~~~~

Marcus: “First we need to get out of here. After that, we can start arguing again.”

Marcus bringing up the arguing is fine, I guess, since that is definitely what he’s thinking, but I did really like how Masaru didn’t even outright bring it up while they were in this truce situation of needing to work together.

Masaru: “It’s that way.”

Tohma: “No, it’s this way.”

Masaru: “Why?”

Tohma: “I’m not like you. If we move around randomly, we’ll never get out of here.”

Masaru: “But why?”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Let’s go this way.”

Thomas: “No, that way.”

Marcus: “How come?!”

Thomas: “Don’t argue with me. If we go with your no-plan method, we’ll never get out of here.”

Marcus: “Just say how come!”

In the original, Masaru was genuinely just wondering why, but in the dub, Marcus’s tone is notably angry and argumentative. Thomas’s “don’t argue with me” is also harsher, but then it’s kind of called for with Marcus’s tone.

Masaru: “Hey, you’re pretty smart!”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Hey, maybe you are a genius!”

This is still Marcus acknowledging Thomas’s intelligence for the first time, but I like it less because he mentions the genius thing. For one, it really doesn’t take a literal genius to think to mark their path with something, and this is just making Marcus seem stupider for him to think it does. But mostly, I really liked how Masaru acknowledged Tohma’s smarts on a regular down-to-earth level that he himself could understand and relate to, which doesn’t work when Marcus still makes it about him being a genius.

Tohma: “As I said, I’m not like you.”

~~~~~

Thomas: “Compared to you? Believe me, it doesn’t take much.”

This and the earlier part of the argument loses the bit with Tohma still trying to make the point that he’s not like Masaru despite Masaru having started to see them as similar earlier, because the dub messed up that part earlier. Instead, Thomas is still just implicitly calling Marcus stupid.

Agumon: “Aniki… When are we gonna get outta here?!”

Masaru: “Don’t worry! Keep up your spirits and we’ll use it to work this out somehow!”

Tohma: “Spirit has nothing to do with it, but we *are* heading up.”

~~~~~

Agumon: “Boss… When are we gonna get outta here already?!”

Marcus: “Stop complaining and think positive! We’ll get outta here soon!”

Thomas: “Being positive has nothing to do with it. However, we *are* heading towards the surface.”

This is almost exactly the same – “spirit” and “positivity” mean basically the same thing in this context. But I did like Masaru saying that keeping their spirits up will help them to escape in and of itself, which Marcus didn’t say. Masaru’s not wrong to say that! If they didn’t believe it was possible to get out, it’d be a lot harder for them to do so.

Masaru: “You’re really unbearable.”

Tohma: “You too.”

~~~~~

Marcus: “You know, you really are a downer sometimes.”

Thomas: “You too.”

The original made sense as both of them agreeing that the other’s opposite attitude can be frustrating for them personally. But Thomas agreeing that Marcus is also a downer kind of completely contradicts the part where Marcus was literally just encouraging them to stay positive.

Satsuma: “Hurry!”

~~~~~

Sampson: “No excuses, just do it! Hurry!”

This is as Miki and Megumi are trying to find Marcus and Thomas’s Digivice signals but are struggling because there’s too much static. Which isn’t an excuse; it’s a legitimate reason why this is taking so long. There’s no way they’re deliberately slacking off and making excuses to do so, so Sampson comes across as a lot more unreasonably harsh here. It’s still easy to read it as him only being harsh because he’s worried, but still. Chill, Sampson, they’re doing their best.

Masaru: “Hey, are you okay?”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Hey, what’s the matter *now*?!”

As Tohma tries to walk back from the opening to the big cavern without Masaru but stumbles due to his leg injury, Masaru is just checking if he’s okay – but Marcus is being a jerk and acting like Thomas has been constantly making up reasons to complain. As if Thomas wouldn’t have been stoic and refusing to complain about the pain the whole time, and as if Marcus wasn’t just willingly helping him with this exact problem. Geez. Dub, stop making Marcus more of a jerk, especially when it doesn’t even make any sense among the rest of his actions here.

Thomas: “Earth to Marcus! Didn’t you hear me when I said the caves are unstable?”

I do enjoy this English-specific way for Thomas to get across his frustration at Marcus ignoring how it’s dangerous to fight in here. (And implying that he lives on a different and very fighty planet to everyone else is fun too.)

Masaru: “I’m not gonna run or hide! A man takes his fights head-on!”

~~~~~

Marcus: “A real champion doesn’t run and hide! Let’s meet the enemy head-on!”

Since the dub insists on removing the manliness, changing it to “champion” and keeping the rest of the sentiment intact is just about the most adequate thing they can do here. But it still loses that delightful connection this kind of thing has to all of Masaru’s other manly principles (such as helping out people who need it even if you don’t really like them!), and it makes it seem like his fighting thing is just about winning rather than that it’s connected to this concept of being a good person in his head.

Gaomon: “Master!”

~~~~~

Gaomon: “Thomas!”

Sometimes Gaomon yells “Master!” on its own with no other dialogue, and since that’s two lip-flaps, the dub can’t replace it with “Sir!” – so instead they have to have Gaomon use Thomas’s actual name in these instances, which gives a bit of a different feel.

Masaru: “Yo.”

~~~~~

Marcus: “…Hi there.”

Marcus’s line as he reaches the Drimogemon’s head is a lot more nervous in delivery, which is less fun than Masaru’s audaciously bold “Yo.”

Thomas has a comment specifying that the colosseum is made of ice. Its composition is never actually stated in the original and I assumed it was crystals, but I guess ice works, too? …Maybe not, though, because you’d expect GeoGreymon’s attacks to melt it, and they aren’t shown doing so. And digging through ice would probably be a lot easier than crystals and maybe still possible for Drimogemon.

…Oh dear, they cut out the brief moment of impact when Marcus punches Drimogemon. Apparently that’s too violent or something, a guy punching a huge cartoon mole. While I think this is the first time this has been done so far (unless I wasn’t paying attention in the earlier episodes), this will be happening a lot. It’s really quite bewildering to me why the dubbers have been required to cut the punching out of this anime which is a lot about its main character punching things. If the execs don’t want punching in their anime, why the hell are they licensing this anime for their channel?

Unlike in the original, the dub’s evolution music does play while they evolve their partners. Rather than being used to highlight triumphant moments, it feels like just an obligatory fanfare of evolution. It even essentially plays twice, starting in the exact same way as each of them begins their DNA Charge – though in fairness, the second loop of it has some extra elements and layers added to the music so that it isn’t completely repetitive.

Thomas: “Wait!”

Marcus: “What now?”

Marcus’s delivery of the “what now?” is amusingly deadpan and sounds so Done with Thomas constantly coming up with new reasons why he can’t just fight the thing, and damn it, it made me chuckle.

Thomas: “Marcus! Do you remember the last battle?”

Marcus: “The last *what*?!”

Marcus’s response here is weird. Why would the mention of a battle be the part that he’s questioning? Since that doesn’t make any sense, the only way to read this is that he’s being pointlessly argumentative again.

To make up for the dub’s unyielding insistence on only using the evolution music for literal evolutions rather than triumphant moments, at least they use Probably Marcus’s Theme for the actual victory moment, which has a similarly triumphant sort of mood. However, it does kick in a bit later, only when they begin to attack, rather than as soon as Tohma decides to try the Masaru-like strategy, which is a bit of a shame.

Tohma: “Their combined powers enhanced each other and became amplified to more than before!”

~~~~~

Thomas: “With their powers combined, I wonder how much the strength of their attacks increased by?”

Since Thomas phrases his line as a question, it reads a lot less like a metaphor of him and Marcus working together. I… don’t know if the dub writers actually realised this was a metaphor in order to keep the line sounding like that.

Masaru: “Did you see that?!” [he starts laughing]

~~~~~

Marcus: “He’s an egg!” [he starts laughing]

Masaru is laughing out of exhilarated excitement at their win, but Marcus meanwhile just sounds like somehow the fact that Digmon is now an egg is the most hilarious thing ever. Uhhhh? You’ve seen Digimon turn into eggs when they’re defeated before?

This also has a bit of a different tone in the dub because the triumphant music has ended and there’s no BGM here, while Believer is still wrapping up at this point in the original.

Speaking of BGM, the heartwarming acoustic guitar version of Probably Marcus’s Theme plays during this scene where he and Thomas officially become friends, and it’s cute.

Masaru: “Nah, that was just spirit!”

~~~~~

Marcus: “Nah! That was absolutely pure luck!”

It wasn’t pure luck, though! There was deliberate strategy involved of directing Drimogemon towards the surface and then towards the colosseum – he even mentioned that he was looking for a suitable battleground. It wasn’t something he had planned from the very beginning when he jumped down and was instead improvised as he went along, but calling it luck is completely wrong. Masaru’s a lot more appropriate to call it “spirit” – he used his spirit to make those in-the-moment decisions!

Marcus’s laugh here again sounds like he finds something weirdly hilarious, rather than that he’s just being an excited dork.

Thomas: (How do you make the illogical logical?)

Come on, Thomas, the illogical is logical! All you gotta do is make it so! Obviously Marcus doesn’t even worry about how, that’s completely the opposite of the point there.

Agumon: “Aniki’s got himself another follower!”

Gaomon: “Master is no follower!”

~~~~~

Agumon: “Looks like the Boss has got himself another employee!”

Thomas: “Let’s not push our luck.”

I am sad that they took this sentiment away from Gaomon. Let him be a good dog who can’t see his Master ever not being a master!

Satsuma: “As members of this organisation, you must uphold the rules!”

[pause; everyone looks ashamed; Satsuma turns his back to them]

Satsuma: “You four… Well done in returning.”

~~~~~

Sampson: “As members of this organisation, you must follow the rules! I have only one more thing to say to you two!”

[pause; everyone mumbles in nervous anticipation; Sampson turns his back to them]

Sampson: “…Well done. It’s good to have you safely back home.”

I like the presentation of this moment better in the dub! The added angry-sounding “I have one more thing to say,” like he’s about to reprimand them even more and then subverting their expectations works well to make the sudden praise and concern for them hit harder.

Overall differences

This one’s very similar! A lot of the stuff I pointed out here is really quite minor stuff, and some of those minor changes – not all, but a higher proportion than usual, I think – were lines I actually kind of liked a little more in the dub. Wow. (Though there are of course still some minor things I like less, such as the usual Marcus being more of a jerk.)

The only real significant differences I want to note are the changes to Masaru’s “You’re just like us!” and “When you’re a man, there’s some things you just have to do despite yourself” lines. Those are some of the most important lines in this episode in showing why Masaru begins to bridge the gap between him and Tohma, and the dub watered down that interesting nuance quite a bit.

#digimon #digimon savers #digimon data squad

8 notes · View notes

spnfanficpond · 5 years ago

Text

March Angel Fish Awards

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle @mrswhozeewhatsis or Mana @manawhaat to check and make sure we got your submission.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE MARCH’S ANGEL FISH AWARDS!

Nominated by @wingedcatninja

Static (series) by @peridottea91

peridottea91 is going to single-handedly convert me to like series. I just re-read this gem and had to share it. In another life, she could have been a writer on the show, she’s so good at getting the characterization right for our boys. This OC, too, is an intiguing, layered personality that adds an extra dimension of mystery. And the whole story is perfectly woven in with canon. Two thumbs up. A must read.

Wish (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

It’s just a drabble, but it made me feel so many things in so few words. I don’t even know what to say about it, other than it’s brilliant and if you love Dean Winchester, you have to read it.

Bad Medicine (oneshot) by @deanwandamons

This was lovely, and hot, and it made me giggle.

Nominated by @risingphoenix761

Because You’re Worth It (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

I love a good crack fic, and I love some good Samwena content, so this is right up my alley. And a great mix of funny and fluffy!

Kings Don’t Kneel (oneshot) by @slytherkins

Few things in fic give me as much joy as Tara writing Crowley, and she hits all my favorite spots in under a thousand words. Struggling with emotion is hard enough for an unfeeling demon, but grief and loss–and the pain of knowing those emotions are unacknowledged–are enough to bring anyone to their knees. Beautiful and succinct, and all the angst!

Nominated by @peridottea91

Heaven (oneshot) by @evansrogerskitten

This fic is so beautifully written and just really captures Dean’s personality while still smacking you in the face with the most amazing “and then I saw her” moment!! Best still my heart!!! And the whole SamxEileen subplot!! The whole fic is just *chef’s kiss*

Nominated by @impala-dreamer

The Sun (oneshot) by @crashdevlin

It’s just amazingly beautiful. Short, sweet, and full of wonderful emotion. I loved every single word.

Nominated by anonymous

Dive In With Me (oneshot) by @sp-oops

This was a gorgeous, genuine account of the reader and Sam finally, FINALLY crossing that hurtle.

Coming Home (oneshot) by @there-must-be-a-lock

Lou builds us a story with such detail and precise ache that we forget to breathe. She teaches Dean, repeatedly, that he deserves to be happy.

Shackled (series) by @itmighthavebeenintentional

Val started her Demon!Dean x OFC series like a building storm. Miriam Bard is a fellow hunter, another older sibling with more internal demons than she cares to name. Sam calls her in on an old favor. Before long she doesn’t know if anything is real or who she can trust. Dark fic, so good!

Shattered Breaths (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence

Nicole dove deep for this kink bingo fill, and it is well worth every word. See how the Omega reader learns to trust the Winchesters and just what it takes for them to give up protecting themselves and lean into possibility.

Nominated by @the-girl-who-runs-with-winchesters

Devil May Care (oneshot) by @becs-bunker

This was such an interesting plot idea and amazing storytelling. Not that I had expected anything less from this talented author, of course.

Rough Ride (oneshot) by @luci-in-trenchcoats

A fun quick and very heated oneshot that made me smile at the end :)

All About Lovin’ You (oneshot) by @deanwanddamons

You know me, I can never let a month pass without diving into some angst, nor can I resist praising a fellow guppy for their amazing work. And this one’s got both! I got sucked in right from the start. It goes from heartbreaking to heartwarming, and from hot right back to sweet.

It’s About Time (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87

I randomly came across this one and it made me smile so much. Probably one of the most inventive ways to play matchmaker that I’ve heard so far.

Nominated by @dontshootmespence

For Better or For Worst (series) by @stusbunker

She does intrigue like no one else and doesn’t get the love she deserves!

Marked (series) by @there-must-be-a-lock

This is so fucking vivid it's ridiculous. There's smut, there's angst, there's sweetness and it's all maddeningly good.

Nominated by @negans-lucille-tblr

Desire (onsehot) by @princessmisery666

This fic is the very definition of smangst and I loved every second of it. The fact Stacey claims she can’t write smut baffles me when I read this fic 😍

Dirty Little Secret (series) by @pink1031

Whenever I’m asked what my all time favourite fic is it’s this one. I didn’t read rpf before this but it pulled me in and I’m so glad it did! It was just incredible and gave me my obsession with the idea of dating J2.

Nominated by @lovetusk

Me Likey & We are real (oneshots) by @impala-dreamer

They were both fantastic and on point. Drunk Dean is a rare and beautiful sight, and there’s nothing I love more than comforting a down and out Sammy. Well done.

Nominated by @impalaimagining

Currently Thinking About Jensen... (oneshot) by @negans-lucille-tblr

This is such a short and effective little piece of smut. The way it teeters on the edge of absolutely and filthily inappropriate puts it on a whole new level of dirty. I am a huge fan of last-line punches to the face no matter what the genre is, and that’s exactly what this is. It leaves you begging for more in the most desperate way. It’s a quick read but it gets the job done.

Midnight Confessions (oneshot) by @katymacsupernatural

I love the way this fic has the reader second guessing herself even though she has no recollection of doing anything to upset the guys. I’m always here for an appearance from Sam to push his stubborn brother and their bunkmate in the right direction. Admittedly, I am a sleep-talker, and I’ve said my fair share of embarrassing things (including yelling at my husband about wanting a grilled cheese at 3am), but if I could just once have something I said in my sleep get me a kiss from Dean Winchester? Hell yes.

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch

Coming Home (oneshot) by @there-must-be-a-lock

This is a beautiful heart wrenching story showcasing Dean’s desire for love and need affection and how few times he actually receives it. Denying himself of what he needs, until he doesn’t.

Unspoken (oneshot) by @deanscherrypie

A wonderful little drabble about how Dean lets you know he loves you without saying anything at all. Such a beautiful line… “All his broken pieces matched yours with mosaic complexity, and somehow you found a new kind of home within each other.”

Don’t Need An Excuse (oneshot) by @amanda-teaches

A beautifully crafted story from Dean’s POV about his girl and the tender loving moments in time that couples share. And, damn that ending, my poor heart.

Nominated by @there-must-be-a-lock

Anything And Everything (oneshot) by @rockhoochie

This fic honestly just took my breath away. You can feel the longing and wistfulness, and the writing is superb. There’s so much depth and detail here, it feels real and vibrant and lived-in, in a way that very few fics do. AND I love she writes Dean’s POV.

He Is, Therefore I am (oneshot) by @stusbunker

All I can say about this one is BROTHERS BEING BROTHERS. It's totally stream-of-consciousness, and it really does feel like you're in their heads.

Leaving Heaven (series) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Such a badass, snarky narrator with a distinctive voice, and her Demon Dean is dark and awful and sexy as hell, and there's so much depth and nuance in their interactions.

Golden Hour (oneshot) by @fangirlxwritesx67

It's straight-up wish fulfillment, fluffy comforting goodness, and I think everybody needs a little bit of that in their lives right now.

Nominated by @princessmisery666

The Question (oneshot) by @girl-next-door-writes

Death by fluff and it was so worth it !! This was perfect, of course Sam has some grand plan to propose and of course it doesn’t go to plan but ended up perfect anyway!! Was fun and sweet, loved it!!

Carry On (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage

I love Rhi. I swear everything she writes, even AU’s, could be canon!! Characterizations are always on point, stories are engaging and make me feel something every time. This one is no exception. If I could I would send it to the writers to show them this is how the show should end!!

Kings Don’t Kneel (oneshot) by @slytherkins

A small drabble from Tara and as always it gave me all the feels. It could be canon, if anyone asks me I will tell them this is exactly how Crowley felt. This made me sad and I totally wanted to hug Crowley and tell him it would all be okay.

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Cocky (oneshot) by @stusbunker

Sexy, fun, and real. I love your Dean, Stuie!

Golden Hour (oneshot) by @fangirlxwritesx67

Comforting and cozy and swoony!

Nominated by @littlehotmess26

Until The Day I Die Again (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

Mel writes Dean x Benny amazingly and this fic is one of my favorites.

Happy Birthday, Baby (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

This was a birthday gift to me and it was soo good. Mel did a great job.

This Isn’t One Of Mine (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87

Dawn stepped out of her comfort zone for this one and it turned out phenomenal.

Goodbye, Sweetheart (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87

This fic is heartbreaking and I absolutely love it.

Nominated by @kate-huntington

While You Sleep (oneshot) by @foreverwayward

A heartwarming little fic about Dean living the domesticated life we all wish for him. The writer has a very clever way of storytelling and the end might come as a surprise, only adding to the emotion it already brought along.

Findings (seires) by @kathaswings

This is one of my favorite series out there and I revisited it recently. The overall story arc is a mystery I just had to unravel and I couldn’t put it down if I wanted to. The bond between Dean and Mackenzie is so precious. Writing a child isn’t easy. I’ve read plenty of books and seen plenty of films in which the maturity that was added wasn’t natural, but this author handles the Mac’s dialogue amazingly well. What’s also interesting is the jumps from point of view between Dean and Y/N, giving very personal perspectives on the gripping story.

Heartbeats (oneshot) by @there-must-be-a-lock

I’ll start by saying that I don’t ship Dean and Cas together, but I do appreciate the people who do. What this little piece of art does is incredible, however, because while I was reading, I found myself rooting for them. The writer does a great job by using the literal human heart as a backbone of this story. Intriguing and very well executed.

Everything That’s Yet To Come (oneshot) by @fictionalabyss

The author took me by the hand through this moving little one shot, which feels like a collection of greatest hits and wishes come true. It offers peace and closure not only for the older Winchester brother, but for the reader as well. Beautiful piece of writing.

Take A Drunk Girl Home (oneshot) by @amanda-teaches

Dean taking care of others; it’s his nature and shows what a kind soul he truly is. The situation sketched here is no exception, and it’s softer than one can imagine. The pace is steady and the balance between fluff and comedy is just right. A lovely read.

The Demon Inside Of You (oneshot) by @foreverwayward

Curing Dean from the demon that he has become proves to be difficult when he’s so hard to resist. What else is hard to resist, is this beautiful pitch black one shot. I don’t read Demon!Dean fiction often, because it still feels foreign to see the character that I love so much turn into something so evil. This however, is so gripping and well written, that the darkness swallows up the beholder. Rough, hot, sad, narcissistic, all these ingredients packed up in one hell of a story.

Curves And Edges (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage

This equally sweet, sexy, funny and sad story is a big shout out to all women who think they don’t meet the beauty standards and feel like they will never be good enough to get noticed. It is one thing to replace a name with Y/N and call it a reader’s insert; it’s a gift to make every person reading this feel like they are the character in this story. The author handles every woman’s insecurities with grace, making her words both relatable and soothing. Her spot on version of Dean reminds us that we are beautiful, desired and unique.

Watch Your Fcking Mouth (oneshot) by @impala-dreamer

Dean falls under a frustrating curse, and it’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I was wheezing, couldn’t breathe and died laughing. It’s astonishing how the writer can juggle comedy and sex without the two ruling each other out. An uplifting read.

Life For Rent (series) by @winchest09

Conspiracies, deceit, crime. A strong family bond, blossoming love, oh, not to mention the sex. This series is intriguing beyond imagination and certainly not just another mobster fanfiction. The writing is smart and I could tell from the first paragraph that it’s loaded with hints and foreshadowing, but I couldn’t pick them out. This triggers a curiosity like an itch I can’t quite scratch away until I finish reading this story. And so I wait eagerly and drop everything the second a new chapter comes out. An absolute must read!

When You Least Expect It (series) by @coffee-obsessed-writer

Talking about an epic love story, but it’s so much more than that. The music that plays such an important factor, the setting that is Seaside. The fabulous supporting characters Bri, Rob, Jason and Jared, the wardrobe, not to mention the wonderful little gems and details that this author weaved into the story, showing how much love she has put into it. This is without a shadow of a doubt my favorite RPF I’ve come across.

Nominated by @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish

The Unexpected (oneshot) by @impalaimagining

The desperation and neediness between characters is just…I can almost feel through the screen. And the gif at the top of the post is the closest thing to porn Tumblr allows now is HOT.

Criminal Love (series) by @kalesrebellion

This mob fic has a lot of things going for it: mob!Dean, big brother Benny (which I didn’t know I needed in my life, but apparently I do), mystery, and a unique way of incorporating a lot of familiar faces from the SPN world. It’s 6 chapters in and I am DYING to see what happens next because the last chapter left me shook!

Unplanned Parenthood (oneshot) by @erins-culinary-service

This fic makes me long for more canon dad!Dean because he’s just so good at it and it feels like it would fit in so well. The author nailed the family vibes and I love that she found a way to make it canon plausible (something I just can’t seem to grasp in my own writing); well done, doll.

Changes (series) by @katehuntington

This fic is super unique as it is like a series rewrite, but rather than using “Pilot, Wendigo, Dead in the Water” etc., Kate is writing her own episodes! Episode 1 just wrapped up, with my personal favorite being part 10 because the characterization of both Winchester brothers felt so spot on to me. Zoe, the amazing OFC and star of this fic, might be the coolest person ever and I wish she was my best friend. Heads up though, this is not your CW Supernatural; it’s darker, dirtier, and probably a lot closer to what the Winchesters’ lives are actually like.

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

The Man on the Side of the Road (seires) by @supernatural-jackles

This is a seriously awesome Dean AU fic! Both Dean and the reader have so much baggage, but they’re working together to fix each other and it’s just BEAUTIFUL. It’s a series, and I can’t wait to see how it ends!!!

Nominated by @emoryhemsworth

Never Alone Again (oneshot) by @dissect-me

This author was kind enough to take the time to write about a recent trauma I discovered happened to me as a child and how Dean would react/comfort me. It’s powerful and really helped me. ❤️

Nominated by @fangirlxwritesx67

Laissez Les Bons Temp Rouler (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

M is the kind of author that is the reason you have the “four recs per author” rule because otherwise I would just be submitting her entire masterlist every month. For a talent like MJ, all it takes is a photo to spark an entire story. This photo of Jensen was particularly inspiring, and MJ did it justice. Hot, drunk, sexy, just UGH.

Where Is My Shiny Gun (oneshot) by thoughtslikeaminefield

Do you love Dean? Do you love Donna? Do you love Sam? Does your mouth water and your knees go weak just a little thinking about all 3 of them together? Do you need some generous, consensual, sunshiney, smutty love? Then check this out.

Leaving Heaven (series) by thoughtslikeaminefield

Demon Dean meets his match in the most compelling OFC I’ve ever read, bounty hunter Tazi. Where to start with this series? MJ works some of her best magic yet, seamlessly weaving the story into the show we know so well. Her Dean is brilliant, as always, every supporting character spot on. The action is tight, the murder wrenching, the sex smoking. And as good as it is, as perfect as Dean and Sam are, as impatient I am for every chapter .. I would read it all just for Tazi. Tazi is an OFC worthy of novelization: tough, sarcastic, sexy, and fully realized. She’s so beautiful and broken that you can’t help falling in love with her as you read. If I could ask everyone to read just one SPN FF ever, it would be this one.

Three Bad Ideas (series) by @there-must-be-a-lock

She’s just getting started on her Everything prequels but, by every indicator they will be JUST as filthy as the original, with even more emotional depth and character development. Frankly it’s HOT and heartbreaking and her voice for Jared is so, so good, and so is Jensen, and I’m just all over this love story. I screamed at her when she published, that if I didn’t know what came next, I would be HEARATBROKENED (that’s how excited I got, that I forgot how to speak.)

Ocean Eyes (oneshot) by @there-must-be-a-lock

The ocean is my Happy Place and I’m a sucker for Sam so this fic just hit all my sweet spots. A lot of us are looking for comfort fics right now and this is uniquely heartwarming.

Shackled (series) by @itmighthavebeenintentional

I KNOW this was nominated last month but there are more chapters and it just keeps getting better! For every question that the story answers, it asks two more. Also, it’s started getting smutty and whoooooooo boy.

Anything And Everything (oneshot) by @rockhoochie

I don’t even remember why this lovely lady was asking for prompts but I sent one that I think was, listening to records, first kiss. I had long since forgotten when she dropped this 8K word MASTERPIECE on all of us.

It’s such a sweet in-character Dean, but a relaxed side of Dean that he deserves and we don’t really get to see. It’s soft and sensual and just… you can feel it while you read.

Nominated by @manawhaat

Sex Ed (oneshot) by @cleighwrites

This is a type of wincest I’m not sure I’ve experienced before, but I can say without a doubt that I fucking love it! It’s your classic little brother Sammy looking up to Dean. It’s the show. It’s their relationship to a T, but with that little bit of helplessness that makes Sam feel like such a fucking kid! I don’t even know if my normal wincest loving self would call this actual Wincest, but wherever it falls on the radar, it’s wonderful!

Passion (oneshot) by @bohowitch

This is poetry in motion, just like Sam is. This is a beautiful, firery, perfect ode to all that is Sam Winchester!

Neptune Rising (oneshot) by @atc74

This is such a clever and refreshing AU! I don’t think I’ve ever read one like this and both characters are nuanced in such believable ways. It’s not too long, so you should definitely take a sec to check it out!

Shackled (series) by @itmighthavebeenintentional

What can I say about this series other than HOLY FUCK!! It’s got twists and turns and secrets and guilt and worry and drama and excitement and passion and fucking everything you want in a good, juicy, keep you on the edge of your seat kind of story!

There’s a feral brutality to the way she portrays Demon!Dean in this that is actually scary and makes me nervous in real life. I find myself looking around the room when I read this, pulling my feet in from off the side of the couch as if this version of Deanmon is gonna snatch me up if I’m not careful. It’s intense and SO. DAMN. COMPELLING. And it’s not even a fucking reader insert. I find myself worrying about Miriam (the ofc) at random parts of the day long after I’ve finished reading the latest chapters...

This series is a fucking MUST READ!

Celibacy, Interrupted (oneshot) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Any fic with Jody x a Winchester is my jam, but this one is like, no bullshit, just fantastic interaction and sultry, perfect ‘smut’. Goddamn. This leaves me in a pile of goo not even for myself, but FOR JODY!

Let Go (oneshot) by @luci-in-trenchcoats

So bdsm seems to have been a theme in my life for the past month and I don’t know why, but this fucking fits the bill. I recently dodged a bullet with a ‘dom’ (read: a bossy guy who wanted nudes who ignored care and consent) and this fic is like, the complete opposite of what I experienced. I’ve read and done research and talked to enough people to know what real bdsm looks like and that saved me, and this fic only reinforces that proper bdsm lifestyle.

It’s gentle yet firm, and it forces you to let go of control even when you feel like you HAVE to hold onto it. That force caught me off guard when I read it, but it makes so much sense, and every aspect of this really, truly is well thought out and spot on, good, caring bdsm. If you’re interested in it, this is a great place to start your reading and research!

When 2 Is Better Than 1 (oneshot) by @wi-deangirl77

Not only is the smut fucking glorious in this, but Ketch’s gentle nature is 100% what makes this for me! I’m not used to reading him as gentle or caring and having him work with Dean in this to help the reader, not to fill his own needs, but truly coming at it from a place of care and worry, melts me into a pile of gooey feels.

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

These are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

#afa masterlist #angel fish awards #spnfanficpond #spn fanfiction #spn fic rec

82 notes · View notes

probablyottrpgideas · 4 years ago

Text

Tabletop Asks

In reference to the previous post: 1.) Game Master, Player or both? Why?

I am currently lucky enough to be player in one game and DM in another (both 5e D&D), however ordinarily I am overwhelmingly the DM/GM.

2.) When did you start role playing? How old were you?

My first start with published tabletop adventures was actually quite late, in my second year of university when I was about 19, so 11 years ago now, with D&D 4e. However, I think my first freeform roleplaying experiences were with a mate of mine all the way back in primary school, where we had this quite extensive worldbuilding and characters. It was my first introduction to the idea that I wanted to be a writer.

3.) What was the first role playing book you ever owned?

The 4e PHB, DMG and MM all at the same time. I had a job then, missed playing, decided “fuck it, I’ll start my own” and dived in.

4.) Describe the first game you ever ran or played in.

A 4e Starters Box run on Keep on the Borderlands. I played a Dwarf Fighter out of the box, which I named Xzienne (which some of you know is my regular online handle). He was fun; in my oh-so-extra way, I kept my game notes as In-Character journal entries.

5.) Which system did you grow up with?

D&D, all the way. Fourth edition and then Fifth, with a look at Third in between. But I’ve played about a dozen or two different systems all up.

6.) Which system do you play now?

Predominantly 5e

7.) Longest campaign you’ve run or played in?

My D&D “Empires Intelligence Services” campaign ran from 2016-2020.

8.) Where did you meet your current gaming group?

I tend to throw my groups together from among various people I know from all over. My favourite group ever was the one formed entirely of cast members from our local theatre company production of Wicked.

9.) Strategic combat or dramatic plotlines?

Does it need to be either/or? I feel like good drama gets you invested in the character’s outcomes, good combat (or puzzles or traps or whatever) gets you invested in the character’s actions. You want people to achieve their goals with emotional satisfaction but without just narrating to them; they need to feel involved in the process of making those goals come about. Challenges are not just there for the Power Gamers and the Slayers, they make the plotlines feel satisfying for everyone.

10.) Favorite RPG genre?

I love Science Fiction and I love Fantasy, and my own work so often smashes the two together. I write a lot of Contemporary/Urban Fantasy, and my D&D world is a magepunk magitech setting with spacefaring aircraft and so forth.

PLAYER CHARACTERS - Describe:

11.) Your first character.

Xzienne the Dwarven Fighter, mentioned above. My first character I made though, on the other hand, not including NPCs, was much later. I think it was probably Tetsuo, my Shin-jin from a Dragonball RPG

12.) Your favorite character.

Definitely Ortlinde. An Aasimar Witch who was the granddaughter of a Valkyrie, and was mad that the gods would be so callous as to bar her mother from Valhalla just because she wasn’t a warrior, and so tried to stage a coup against Asgard. Fuck she was cool.

13.) Your most ridiculous character.

If not Ortlinde, then possibly Parian, my 13th Age Bard whose “One Unique Thing” (a 13th Age mechanic that I love) was that he could modify his spells on the fly by casting the verbal components as full poems, which I would write and perform in-session. I once got to add a Fear effect to a Thunderwave because I made it sound like the trumpets of judgement day, and I managed to cast Charm Person but with an allied player as the focus of the target’s charm by making the poem about their character.

14.) The best in-character line you’ve ever had.

Not a lot of what other players have said have stuck with me, really. Possibly my favourite was Alice’s ranger in Castles and Crusades who said a whole lot of buckwild shit until my halfling begged her not to talk.

Whereupon she shortly thereafter discovered a secret Dryad home inside a tree, and didn’t mention it to the party. When asked why?

“You told me not to talk.”

15.) Your most epic death.

I haven’t died that often, to be honest. Probably the most memorable death was Parian, who got crushed in a moving wall trap and had to be scooped up in a bag and carried around as “bard soup” until a True Resurrection could be cast.

16.) Your most disappointing death.

See above.

17.) Something that shouldn’t have worked, but did.

Meliorn Metcalfe, Tiefling Spellbinder, orchestrating an ambush in a town square against the people who had been sending thugs to attack the party in their beds and stealing shit from the townsfolk. I set up traps (clay pots filled with caltrops and poison), used sunrods to blind the attackers while we had our backs to the light, and we greased the buildings around the area so that they couldn’t climb to safety. It went perfectly, even after they rocked up with a gargoyle.

18.) Something that went hilariously awry.

Just recently I was playing in a Wildemount game which saw the party running Benny Hill style around an ancient lab from a Wight. In the process I got nearly killed by both flying knives and a very angry carpet.

19.) Your most memorable in-character moment.

Ortlinde’s speech to Frigg, lambasting the Gods for their mistreatment of mortals.

20.) The coolest item you ever got and how you came to possess it.

The Masque of Clavicus Vile, from the Elder Scrolls games, pulled from Niddhogr’s treasure hoard and buffing my Spell Save DC to 27 (including other stuff like class features for the Witch and another item which synergised with those).

GAME MASTERS - Describe:

21.) Your favorite NPC and how the party reacted to him/her

By far Celia Sapienza, Eladrin Kensai, who became the party Mum even though she was younger than a few of them. She’s now the head of the Empires Intelligence Services Northern Branch.

22.) A game you wish you could run or want to run someday.

I’ve been eyeing off Dread, Skullduggery and Leverage for years, but I also recently got the Dishonoured game which looks sick as, and Blades in the Dark, and...

23.) Something you made up on the spot.

So so much, but most recently I had a Marid sailor NPC who I had to improvise and entire story of his previous voyages. I did it in a Brian Blessed voice and the players, no shit, fucking applauded.

24.) Your most successful game.

The Wild Huntresses, finally figuring out who had killed the town alchemist and facing off against her and her pet Water Elemental in the caves beneath the hills. Such an epic game. God I miss that group.

25.) Your least successful game.

Paranoia, but that’s just built into the premise.

26.) The craziest thing your players have ever done, and how it affected your plans.

I had a player walk straight out the front doors of a castle under siege. I hit him with 2 dozen crossbow bolts. That guy was an asshole.

27.) Your favorite setting or game location.

I massively love the idea of Eberron, and I love the MTG crossover settings like Ravnica and Theros.

28.) Your creative process when you plan a game.

Typically write about a page of notes for every 2-10 hours of gameplay, depending on the amount of combat expected. Things like important NPCs and what they want, where the party are expected to go in general terms and some ideas for things to throw at them when they inevitably wander off the path, that sort of thing. If it’s really plot important, though, I’ve been known to write pages and pages of lore and character info to hopefully seed into conversations. I also once wrote a full script that we did as a table read for a big conversation between a bunch of NPCs that the party were there to listen to but not be involved in.

29.) The best / worst character concept you’ve ever heard.

No character concept that fits within the rules is ever really bad, although sometimes the execution isn’t great. Some are very, very dumb, like say every character ever built or played by the asshole player I mentioned a few entries back.

30.) What makes GMing fun for you.

Players getting invested in the world and in each other’s stories. Nothing makes me feel better as a GM than being able to sit back while the players have a full in-character conversation with each other.

#tabletop #asks

5 notes · View notes

nobody-wants-ice-cream · 5 years ago

Text

Everything Wrong With The Umbrella Academy. Episode 3, Extra Ordinary.

We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals

Run Boy Run

Usual disclaimer: This is all in good fun! I wanted to do a really nitpicky re-watch of the series and found some really cool and interesting things I didn’t notice before. This is meant to have a Cinema Sins-esque tone. However, I did take off a lot more sins than Cinema Sins would have because I do genuinely like the series and the people that made it possible. So all of the good things got one sin off and all the bad things got one sin added. This is a really long post, so grab some popcorn. If there’s anything that I missed, feel free to add it!

Vanya was clearly about to sell her violin. She looked dejected and sad and was detached from her violin case. This is in character for Vanya on her pills, who must have decided that she wasn’t good enough at one point. Sin for putting Vanya through trauma. +1

The Umbrella Academy comics are priced weirdly. The one on the right is $25.00 and the one on the left is $15.00. What makes the one on the right more expensive? It even says on the cover that the one on the right was supposed to be $0.50. So why the inflation? Taking a closer look, all six heroes are on the cover, so it’s not that either of them are pre-Five leaving and therefore more expensive because Five is on both of them. Though, the one on the right does have a picture of Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Ben, and Reginald under where it says that the comic is 50 cents. To make a long rant short, the comics that Vanya looks at in the pawn shop window are confusing. +1

However, Gabriel Ba’s art. -1

The strange lack of technology means that Vanya’s book was written on a typewriter. +1

Vanya needed 6 pencils to write her book with. These are maybe supposed to symbolize Vanya’s 6 siblings, in which case, interesting detail, but still. Six pencils. As opposed to one pencil and a pencil sharpener? Why all the tools Vanya? +1

The six pencils (with two pointer up) symbolize Vanya’s six siblings, two of which turned around since the siblings they are supposed to represent (Five and Ben) are no longer around. -1

Vanya’s dying houseplant. Water that! +1

Vanya collects another houseplant and it looks relatively healthy. -1

The messy table garbage still has the same plate and same crumpled papers/napkins in the same position. Either Vanya was super lazy, or the set designer/director was. +1

Vanya replaced the dying houseplant with the fresh one. Poor houseplant. I will mourn you. +1

“Lost Woman” has some really on the nose lyrics. Playing the phrase “lonely woman” before Vanya starts narrating her book is ridiculously on the nose. +1

However, “Lost Woman” happens to be one of my favorite tracks from the series. -1

Luther should be part ape in this scene, (as it takes place five years ago, not seven), but he looks completely normal. This is a massive continuity error so I’m adding two sins. +2

“Starved for attention” is the line Vanya narrates over Allison reading it. On. The. Nose. +1

Diego is so pissed off at Vanya that he tapes her likeness to a punching bag and punches it. You know, like a rational adult. +1

Klaus is wearing birkenstocks and burgundy capris. +1

Also, Ben and Klaus work together to read a book. -1

But I have to ask, why did the rehab let Klaus read during group therapy. And shush his dead brother’s ghost. +1

Ben is pissed off by the line “and haunted by what might have been.” On the nose. +1

Five reads the harsh line “we all wanted to be loved by a man incapable of giving love” while next to Dolores, who is also incapable of giving love because she is a mannequin. Also, Five reads this book, full of vitriol and hate, as the last connection he has to his siblings, at age thirteen. +2

Reginald doesn’t read the book that his daughter wrote. As usual, Reggie is a dick to Vanya. +1

Vanya’s reaction to being late to rehearsal is so relatable. I swear I have done this a thousand times as a musician. -1

The Netflix captions (yes I watch with captions) say “Chamber music playing”. They have a conductor. +1

The conductor has the character of all conductors. Dick. +1

Vanya isn’t vibrating when the rest of the orchestra is. Late or not, you still need to follow the concertmaster, Vanya. +1

The rainy weather matching Vanya’s stormy mood. Foreshadowing. -1

Badass umbrella title screen. -1

However, why are all those people stopping in the street? It’s raining, get to where you’re going! +1

Allison and Luther watch the tape where Reggie dies over and over. This is weird, even if they are trying to figure out if Grace killed him. Who would want to watch someone die over and over? Not even I want to replay Reggie dying, and I genuinely hate him. +1

Luther says that Reggie thought people were out to get him. On the first watch, the audience can chalk this up to Reggie being a paranoid old man, however on the second watch we know that the Commission exists and that Reggie is probably not from this world. So either of those groups could have been out to get him. But who? This remains a sin until they explain it. +1

Training posters in the kitchen. The kitchen! Really, Reggie. +1

There’s this weird caterpillar thing with a face behind Grace in this scene. What the hell is that? +1

There was also a radio in the kitchen, which implies that Reggie either let them listen to tunes, or had training cassettes the same way he had training records. Either way, what the hell, Reggie? +1

There is a ridiculous amount of light sources in this one room. +1

Grace has a cactus full of toothpicks or skewers by the stove. Cute art project, whichever kid but likely Diego based on his fascination with pointy things. -1

The “your father was a great man” speech. Poor Grace. +1

Jordan Clare Robbins is an excellent actress. -1

Smiley face made of two eggs and a strip of bacon. -1

Diego doesn’t understand the chain of custody regarding evidence. Patch says that if he touches a piece of evidence, she can’t use it in her case. How many murderers have walked free because of Diego? +1

Hazel and Cha Cha use bullets from 1963. Dallas foreshadowing? Remains a sin until season two confirms the Dallas plot. +1

These bullets were found on the random local hires Five killed at Griddy’s. Why does the Commission use bullets from the early 60’s? Isn’t that a big red flag to their time organization? +1

Patch indulges Diego the Vigilante by asking for his help. You’re a police officer, you got this, Patch. Also, this foreshadows her death when she does things his way and gets killed for it. +1

Diego tells Patch to investigate Five. Oh, the irony. +1

“I do give a shit” is such a weird line to try to portray as romantic with the music, tone, and lighting, show. +1

Beeman, unprofessionally, brings up the fact that Patch and Diego used to date while at a crime scene. +1

Vanya washes her hands for two seconds and then goes to talk to Helen. Almost like that was the real reason why she was in there. +1

Vanya attempts to compliment Helen Cho, who is overall, not interested. Is this Vanya’s repressed way of flirting? Pick a better time.+1

Seriously, what is with Vanya and starting conversations at the absolute worst time. It’s like she wants to get insulted. +1

No way in hell would one professional musician to another be this bitchy, Helen Cho. +1

Helen straight up calls Vanya talentless. What an awful thing to say! +1

She softens, as if she just gave Vanya legitimate career advice, but she didn’t. She really just insulted the time and effort Vanya put into her instrument. As a musician, I can confirm that what Helen just said is the equivalent of saying something really, really nasty. Tumblr hate anons have nothing on what Helen just said. +3

Vanya takes a pill after being called talentless. Pill foreshadowing. -1

Cha Cha uses a curling iron to cauterise the wound Five gave her from the shovel. Where did the curling iron come from? +1

“The entire fate of the universe” oh Hazel. Thanks for the irony. +1

How did no one in the history of this shady motel notice the hidden panel? You would think at least one person attempting to have shower sex or someone cleaning or someone doing matinence should have noticed that, right? +1

Five stitches up his wound by himself despite the fact that multiple people are in the house that are capable. He’s going to pull a few of those based on the angle. Also, Five didn’t bother to clean the blood off his arm, so who knows if he bothered to sterilize the needle or his hands or anything. +1

The wound on Cha Cha and the wound on Five are eerily similar. However, what makes them interesting is that Cha Cha decided to cauterize where Five decided to stitch. Both are decent methods, but Cha Cha’s way is going to leave severe permanent scarring and Five’s way might heal. This could foreshadow the way they treat the end of the world. Cha Cha wants to end it, Five wants to fix it. Maybe not Cha Cha herself, but she does represent the Commission and their ideals. She is a stickler for their rules and uses her last moments to try to call them and get rescued. Point is. This is an English teacher moment full of symbolism, and I respect the show for this choice. -1

Billy the Choo Choo bandages. First of all, Five can never get away from the childishness of his current form. Second of all, Reggie let Five have “Billy the Choo Choo” licenced bandages??? +1

Or, Five chose to buy/steal these bandages. +1

Five puts a clean, white uniform shirt over blood that he still hasn’t cleaned up. At this point, that has got to be uncomfortably sticky. +1

Five didn’t bother to clean his wound until morning. “I guess I’ll go to sleep and bleed”???+1

Or, it took Five several hours to get the supplies. Bullshit. No way in hell did Reggie not have those supplies lying around. +1

Five still chooses to wear the full uniform ensemble even though he could at the very least get rid of the tie. +1

The teleporting kid gets the fire escape bedroom. It’s like Reggie was begging Five to sneak out of the house. +1

Dumpster Bagel: Do Not Eat. +1

“I’m done funding your drug habit” you never did in the first place? You didn’t pay him at all for that magnificent acting?? Unless Five did this before he left the mansion, in which case, Five funded Klaus’s drug habit. +1

Justin Min looks so incredibly creepy sitting on the dumpster. He has such a blank expression. Also, when did he move from the fire escape? +1

“I love you. Even if you can’t love yourself!” is a great line. -1

When Five drives away in the stolen van, he passes an absolutely bewildered guy. How the hell did Five function as an assassin? He can’t do subtlety. This contradicts “I know how to do everything”. +1

Was Aidan Gallagher actually driving in this scene? Because it kind of looks like the way a beginner would drive. This also contradicts “I know how to do everything” +1

There’s a lady passing Meritech that actually chose to wear a baby pink fedora. M’costume. +1

Five left his wife stuck in a bag and didn’t remember her. +1

He also left a bottle of some clear liquor on top of her. +1

“This is the place that it was made. Or will be made.” The delivery on this line was kinda bad. +1

Allison used her power on Claire. Claire was three years old. No matter which way you slice it, this is the shittiest thing Allison has ever done. She’s working on it, but the fact that it happened deserves a sin. +1

Emmy Raver-Lampman is a kick ass actress. -1

Allison has the most warranted case of impostor syndrome ever. Sin off because this is the one of the few scenes where two characters actually talk about their emotions. -1

Luther and Allison had that conversation sitting ridiculously far apart. +1

Leonard’s shop is called “Imperial Woodwares” Apparently, he delivers as well. How did Leonard get the business and woodworking skills necessary for running a relatively successful shop while in prison? +1

Leonard somehow knows that Vanya’s orchestra (which rehearses and performs in the Icarus Theatre) is far from Bricktown. At this point, he shouldn’t know that unless that is the only orchestra in the entire city. There is no way that that is the only orchestra in the entire city. +1

Leonard took up wood carving in prison. Is that allowed? +1

If a guy you just met makes a wood carving in your likeness you should run. Run like hell. Get a restraining order. That is so creepy. Obvious villain is obvious. +1

Also, I once read a fanfic (The Moon Laughs by Lady_Origami on ao3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/17959847/chapters/42417584) where a character is kidnaped by Leonard and tortured in this backroom where he’s showing Vanya the creepy statue. I can see where the inspiration came from. This back room has “place to keep the person I kidnaped and torture them” vibes.+1

Leonard stayed up all night to make the creepy woodcarving. He then insists that Vanya take it. And Vanya doesn’t recognize the creepy vibes. +1

And she does take it! +1

Leonard says that he made the carving for her and that she inspired him. Obvious manipulation is obvious. +1

Leonard is a dick to Vanya by using Allison’s successful career. +1

Leonard doesn’t like the Beatles. +1

Why did Allison go to Bricktown to find Vanya when that is nowhere near the theatre or Vanya’s apartment? Was she just wandering around hoping to find Vanya? +1

Allison is the Queen of actually talking out her thoughts and feelings. She just apologized to Vanya and explained why she was so angry in the last episode. Well done. I respect that. -1

Allison and Vanya sisterly bonding. -1

Five sees children playing and then immediately starts having an apocalypse flashback. This shows that Five lost his childhood as soon as he time traveled to the apocalypse. I’m sad now. +1

Aidan Gallagher plays this really well. -1

If you look closely, you can see Five/Aidan Gallagher laughing at Luther/Tom Hopper because he can’t fit in the van. I can’t tell if Five is laughing at Luther or if Aidan is laughing at Tom. Either way, that slaps. -1

However, corpsing. +1

No one has written Klaus/Dolores fanfic yet. They really hit it off in the van, y’all. +1

Five throws an empty can at Klaus for messing with Dolores. +1

Klaus’s expression after Five says “does it matter, it’s Klaus.” Sinning because Five is a dick to Klaus. +1

“Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to wax my ass with chocolate pudding. It was so painful.” I love this line. God bless Robert Sheehan. -1

Aidan Gallagher contemplates this line then starts corpsing. I don’t blame him. I’ve been trying to figure out how that would be possible too. -1

How can you use chocolate pudding to wax any hair? +1

Aidan Gallagher laughs at this line, meaning Five found this funny, but didn’t want to give Klaus the satisfaction of laughing. +1

Luther and Five are dicks to Klaus. They kicked him out of the van! Assholes. +1

Luther is sort of trying to connect with Five, but he fails miserably because it comes out really condescending. +1

“I don’t think that I’m better than you, Number One. I know I am.” Hubris much, Five? +1

Luther is already sick of Five’s “I’m better than you, I’ve done things you couldn’t comprehend” schtick and Five has only been back for three days. And we make fun of Luther’s moon thing. We get it, Five, you’re a badass. Actions speak louder than words, old man. +1

On the side of the Variety Store Klaus steals from is a billboard for Clever Crisp Cereal, which is the cereal that Reggie invented in the comics. I guess he did that here too. -1

Also, Klaus steals from the Variety Store and drops everything while running away. Why did you steal so much shit if you knew you were going to drop it all Klaus? +1

Ben’s reaction to this buffoonery must have been hilarious. Sinning the show for not showing us that. +1

“Now I’m starting to wonder if that was the wisest decision.” What? Kicking Klaus out of the van or Klaus deciding to rob the store? Because both were pretty stupid. +1

Does Agnes own Griddy’s? +1

Agnes just gave some valuable baking tips when it comes to doughnuts. Thanks, Agnes. -1

Agnes and Hazel are really cute together. -1

The Hazel and Agnes theme is my favorite instrumental piece from the whole show. -1

There are still bullet holes in the walls. Attention to detail! -1

Hazel and Cha Cha pretend to be social workers or private detectives concerned for Five’s well being. Oh, the irony. +1

“I mean who lets a kid get a tattoo” Reginald Hargreeves. That’s who. +12

Agnes is indignant about Five’s tattoo, citing his age. This whole episode has a ridiculous amount of irony. +1

Agnes draws the umbrella tattoo a bit too perfectly for someone who only saw it once and at the wrong angle. +1

Diego straight up threatens Luther at knifepoint. +1

This family meeting is a complete shitshow. +1

The monocle is likely to become a s2 plotpoint because Diego put it in a place where anyone could take it. If you’ve read the comics, you know why I think that’s important, but I won’t spoil it for anyone who hasn’t. Either way, that was a dumb way to dispose of the monocle, Diego. +1

Diego is a dick to Vanya until she agrees with him. +1

They are legitimately talking about killing their mother. What the fuck. +1

Klaus references the van when only Luther, Five, and presumably Ben know about it. This makes no sense. +1

Votes to kill Mom: Luther, Allison, Ben +3

Klaus hisses at Ben and no one thinks this is weird. +1

Grace definitely heard Luther and Allison voting to kill her. After she made them breakfast too! Luther and Allison are dicks in this scene. (And so is Ben but Grace couldn’t hear him.) +2

Grace tries to prove her worth by making cookies. Fuck Luther, Allison, and Ben for voting to turn her off. +3

Diego and Vanya actually have a civil conversation. Well done for doing the bare minimum, Diego? -1

Vanya’s pills suggest that she was friendlier with Diego at some point. +1

Pogo for sure saw that whole thing and he saw Vanya take the pills. Dr. Complicit. +1

Reginald is a total soccer mom in Diego’s flashback scenes. This amuses me. -1

However, Reginald raised six child soldiers as “crime deterrents” so +6

Luther is casually working out in his bedroom while the mission alarm is going off. +1

“Where’s my knives” was a phrase Diego practiced. Also, Diego would never lose his knives. +1

Vanya’s room is a fucking closet. +1

“Thank you, Mother” Dante Albidone is a treasure. -1

“Boys will be boys” this is the only time that phrase is acceptable. When you’re putting out a fire your son caused for no reason. -1

“You did it! I’m so proud of you!” -1

Reginald interrupts this. +2

Diego’s flashbacks were very unorganized, which makes sense. This is probably several years worth of mission flashbacks. -1

“It’s okay if you hated him” “I would understand if you wanted to hurt him”-2

David Castaneda and Jordan Claire Robbins nailed this scene. Two kick ass actors being incredible. -1

Did Five really sit there all day with no breaks? +1

Five is arguing with Dolores and losing. She is a manifestation of his subconscious. And she is winning this argument. +1

Aidan Gallagher looked directly into the camera. We made eye contact. It was weird. +1

Lance straight up sells those illegal prosthetics where anyone could see it. Lance is an idiot. +1

Agnes’s drawing led Hazel and Cha Cha to the Academy. +1

Cha Cha left the window down in the car. +1

Would that air thing actually work? If it wouldn’t then sin on Reggie for getting cheap locks. If it would, sin on me for not getting better locks sooner. +1

Hazel and Cha Cha don’t have their masks on. What if somebody saw them? +1

The portrait of Five comes back to bite the Academy in the ass. Why haven’t they gotten rid of it? Five has been back for three days. +1

Klaus has black nail polish on his toes. -1

No way in hell is Klaus able to have his eyes open in a soapy bathtub. +1

The ghosts are creepy. Sin because Klaus is traumatized. +1

“We’re Through” by the Hollies is one of my favorite songs to play on guitar. It’s a decent coffee shop piece and I like playing it live. Thank you show, for helping me discover it. -1

Klaus is taking a bath with the door open. +1

Luther has been eating his Wheaties, Cha Cha. If you call experimental ape drugs, Wheaties. +1

Luther describing sunrise on the moon. I like this bit of writing. -1

Where were Hazel and Cha Cha keeping their guns and masks? Special pockets? +1

Diego is the only person who could possibly bring knives to a gun fight and win. Diego is a badass. -1

Hazel and Cha Cha continue to have stormtrooper aim. There are so many times when either could have shot Diego, but magically miss because Diego has plot armor. +1

Reginald’s portrait gets shot though. Right in some lethal areas. This amuses me. -1

Grace is so out of it she doesn’t notice heavy gunfire. Reggie, you suck. +1

“Who the hell are these guys?”/”Who the hell are these people?” +1

Diego, Luther and Allison just saved your ass. Less arguing, more fighting the crazy people. +1

Reggie keeps convenient weapons everywhere like they’re lamps. +1

Vanya is still in the Academy hours after the meeting, and she doesn’t think to hide during all this crazy gunfire and fighting. Sigh. +1

Seriously, it’s like she’s trying to get killed. +1

But she doesn’t because she has plot armor. +1

“Hey, asshole” goes back to Five’s “hey, assholes” from episode one. So did Luther learn that from Five, did Five learn that from Luther, or did Reggie decide that that was an acceptable phrase to teach his children? I lowkey want to write all three in a crackfic. Nice. -1

Vanya probably has a concussion. Otherwise, she would have attempted to run, right? Please tell me she isn’t that stupid. +1

You know that b99 meme where shit is going down and Gina is just chilling with her headphones. Yeah. That. Klaus, get some situational awareness, please. Also, what are these magic noise cancelling headphones that can block out the sound of gunfire and where can I buy them? +1

Allison, I understand why you don’t want to rumor anyone, but your life is literally in danger. I think you can forgive yourself if you rumor Hazel and Cha Cha into not killing you and your family. +1

“You wanna rumor this psycho?” “I don’t need to because this bitch just pissed me off” These are both horrible lines. I can’t tell if it’s because of the writers or because of the actors, but both of these lines are genuinely terrible. +1

“We just want the boy”. Nice comics reference, Cha Cha. -1

Diego doesn’t attempt to fight Cha Cha and give Allison the upper hand. He just sort of stands there. What the hell, Diego? +1

And when he does fight her, he doesn’t use any long range weapons. Diego, this is your house. I’m assuming you know where the knife drawer is? +1

Ben attempts to give Klaus privacy. In this situation. That’s a sin. I would risk seeing my brother’s naked body if it meant he wouldn’t be shot. Just sayin’, Ben. Get all up in his face. Put your ghost hands through his head. Get his attention! +1

Luther and Hazel can go hand to hand as equals and the show never addresses why. +1

Vanya really is that stupid. There are plenty of doors. And the fire escape from Five’s room. Vanya, run!+1

Luther had plenty of time to get out of the way of the chandaller. Why didn’t he shove his siblings and follow one of them? The motion would have made sense. +1

This ape reveal makes no sense. It would have worked in episode one, but it’s weird in episode 3. Why didn’t they reveal this to the audience earlier? +1

The dinosaur footprint sound effect. +1

Why didn’t Vanya and Allison hear Grace humming? Also, why didn’t anyone hear Hazel and Cha Cha breaking in. It was established in episode one that there is no soundproofing. +1

Grace is cross stitching the moon exploding. Foreshadowing. -1

She is pulling the needle through her own hand though. +1

Who gave Grace that nice bracelet? That’s so adorable. -1

Diego killed his own mother. +1

However, it is a mercy kill. Who knows what Luther or Allison would have done to her if they had found out how screwed up Grace was. I’m really conflicted about this scene. On one hand, fridging, on the other, it makes sense. Therefore, it’s a wash. -1

What is this magic cloth that Allison gives Vanya to mop up the blood and where can I get it? Seriously, it cleans up blood ridiculously well. To the point where it doesn’t look like Vanya’s been injured. +1

Diego takes out his anger/sadness/frustration on Vanya. Also, Diego would be excellent at cinema sins. Vanya could have been killed and she was stupid to stay, but there is no reason to raise your voice at her like that, Diego. +1

“She is a liability”. And you are an asshole. Diego just said that line to Allison as if Vanya wasn’t even there. As if she was just some inanimate burden. Fuck Diego for this line. +1

Allison doesn’t even attempt to defend Vanya. Even if Diego made a good point, there is no reason to let him get away with that kind of emotional abuse. +1

The show kind of addresses Luther’s body image issues, but doesn’t let him talk about it. +1

When did Vanya get Leonard’s address? +1

“I didn’t know where else to go”. Home perhaps? To your apartment? And not into the arms of creepy Leonard? +1

Hazel and Cha Cha didn’t discuss what to do if shit went sideways. No wonder Five was better than them. +1

When would Hazel have kidnaped Klaus? We don’t see it happen so we should just assume that Klaus appeared there magically? +1

Hazel and Cha Cha have FRC 891 as a licence plate. Neverending Chaos. Google FRC 891 Umbrella Academy. -1

Overall Review:

I forgot just how important episode three really is. Here we learn just how harmful Vanya’s book was, that Vanya is in an orchestra, and more about Leonard. This episode carves out who Vanya is as a character before Leonard sinks his claws into her. We can see the effects of the pills on her ability to connect with others and her ability to play the violin.

We also get a lot from the other characters. The Claire reveal is a big one for Allison. So is the ape reveal for Luther, even if it should have happened two episodes ago.

As for acting shout outs, Emmy Raver-Lampman and Jordan Claire Robbins killed it in this episode. I can’t wait to see more of Emmy in s2 and I really hope that Jordan will return.

There was some excellent use of irony in this episode. Like a lot of irony. What killed me was the Griddy’s scene. Hazel and Cha Cha pretending to care about Five’s well being so they can murder him and Agnes being indignant about someone as young as Five getting a tattoo is just amazing.

As for plot things, this was really a Vanya-centric episode. It establishes a lot of things about her, which makes the twist at the end even more obvious. This is not my first, second, or even third rewatch, so I know what’s coming, but how did I not see it before? When I first watched it I thought that Five was the main character and that Vanya was a self-insert. Looking back, I can see that Five and Vanya had pretty equal backstory and screen time given to them. You could make the argument that they are the main characters. You could even argue that they’re the primary protagonist and antagonist, but to be frank, that discussion should be saved for episode 10.

Total: 133

Sentence: Eating a dumpster bagel.

#The Umbrella Academy #all in good fun #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #Allison Hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #Grace Hargreeves #leonard peabody #hazel and cha cha

55 notes · View notes

nightbloomsresorthotel · 4 years ago

Text

A Controversial, but Fair Essay on Gabbie Hanna’s Poetry That Doesn’t Completely Shit on Her Writing

So I just finished listening to her youtube video where she addresses this topic. When I first saw her poems, I could see what everyone was talking about: her poems are simple, full of puns that seem to masquerade as a function of “depth”, with simple, easy to understand language juxtaposed with themes of growing up and trauma. She says that her influences include Shel Silverstein, Bo Burnham and William Williams, including his famous poem This is Just to Say.

(prepare thyself reader, this is a quick 2k analysis. I’ve included GOOD poetry recs at the end!)

She goes on to say that what drew her to these poems was there charm- Shel Silverstein’s works were meant for children, and they are easy to interpret- and could be read from the perspective of both an adult and child. As a child reading Where the Sidewalk Ends, I enjoyed the illustrations and the rhyming nature of these poems. I’m sure Gabbie Hanna did as well. Hearing her talk about these inspirations and what she wanted to do with her own poems, it’s clear that she was aiming for each piece to harken back to the whimsy and innocence of childhood, while addressing more adult topics.

I think that Gabbie Hanna missed the mark. She admits that some of the poems in her book were rushed and this makes me question if and where she ever got any peer feedback from her pieces. I also wonder if Gabbie has ever taken any writing classes or poetry workshops, but I am doubtful. The big difference between This is Just to Say and, lets say, her poem Chivalry is clear. Here is This is Just to Say:

I have eaten

the plums

that were in

the icebox

and which

you were probably

saving

for breakfast

Forgive me

they were delicious

so sweet

and so cold.

So much has already been said about this poem. But the biggest thing to take away here, is that Williams clearly put thought into syntax, imagery, rhythm and rhyme. You will notice that this piece doesn’t exactly rhyme, but it slant rhymes. Rhyming has become less of a marker for poetry recently, mostly because I think it makes people think of nursery rhymes or songs and traditional, older forms of poetry, and some poets don’t want that connotation. This may surprise some, but poetry is an ever evolving art form; poets are always playing with experimentation in their work. Here, imagery and the five senses make This is Just to Say great. Up until the last stanza, we don’t really get anything that makes us feel a physical sensation until we get to “so sweet/ and so cold”. This is where the impact of the poem lies. This is the climax of this poem. Every word before it is intentionally abstract, while sweet and cold are in comparison, concrete images and sensual images. This is why we can almost taste the plums the author is talking about at the end of the poem.

Let’s look at a poem I picked at random from Gabbie Hanna’s book, CHIVALRY:

I’m not some no-brained bimbo

and i’m not some helpless girl

i am fucking remarkable

and i deserve the world.

i don’t need you to open my door,

but the gesture would be nice.

i don’t need you to buy my meal;

the offer would suffice.

i don’t need to be taken care of,

but it’d be cool to know you care.

i’m a holographic charizard

highly desired and rare.

yo, i even drop pokemon references

‘cause i’m fuckin dope as shit.

i’m good with just me, i don’t need you

not even a tiny bit.

Let me address what I like about this poem first. Gabbie knows what she wants to do- she utilizes rhyming and repetition to make this an easy flowing read. She knows that a lower-case “i” shows that despite what she may be claiming in the poem “i don’t need you/ not even a tiny bit”, the narrator does not think highly of themselves— perhaps the narrator desperately needs the “you” addressed, but is not confidant enough to ask for their friendship/ relationship. The narrator is contradicting themselves, showing a low self-esteem, and maybe crying for help. This juxtaposed with the fun rhyming tone of the piece and the mention of pokémon succesfully gets this point across.

However, this poem seems to focus on utilizing these elements of craft only. Gabbie could enhance the reader experience by adding more concrete imagery: why type of meal? How helpless of a girl? These are instances where Gabbie could help the reader connect to the speaker, and she doesn’t do so. We could also argue that she’s emulating This is Just to Say by only including one concrete and colorful image, but I will address this further down.

Additionally, this narrator could be anyone. I could imagine anybody saying this, of any gender. Perhaps Gabbie did this intentionally- the more vague a narrator is, the more it could apply to anyone— the average teen/adult could connect to this poem. However, this gives the poem a generic quality. Perhaps others would like to connect to this narrator more, and get a better sense of who the narrator is. Also let me address why I keep using “narrator” instead of “Gabbie”. It’s a force of habit for me (that I got from poetry courses in college) to assume that the narrator of the poem and the author of the poem may not always be the same person. I think in this situation, these poems are undoubtedly from Gabbi’s perspective, but to remain neutral just in case, I will continue to use “narrator”.

Something I’d also like to address is the matter of rhyming in the current poetry world. Many journals have gone so far as to say “we do not accept rhyming poems” in their submission guidelines. Not all, but some. People who just start out writing poetry believe that poems must rhyme to be considered poetry at all, but when you take your first poetry class in high school or college, you quickly realize that this is not the case. Here, Gabbie uses a simple end rhyme scheme to evoke poetry like Silverstein and childhood memories of reading poetry, nursery rhymes, etc. But I think to those who have been reading poetry for a long time, teaching it, or reading submissions for their journal, the mark of a novice poet is that everything rhymes, sometimes at the sake of using a better word in its place that doesn’t rhyme. I think rhyme has its place in poetry, but it can be overused. Since most of Gabbie Hanna’s poems do rhyme, it’s easy to see someone getting “rhyme fatigue” while reading. Another negative effect of rhyming is that the reader will begin to anticipate the rhyme- this can cause the reader to skip lines entirely, and focus solely on the rhyme scheme, rather than focusing on the meaning of the poem. A piece that harkens back to childhood and uses rhyme well, in my opinion, is This Be the Verse by Phillip Larkin:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

By fools in old-style hats and coats,

Who half the time were soppy-stern

And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

And don’t have any kids yourself.

I think the big difference between this and Gabbie Hanna’s poem is that it starts off strong right away with “They fuck you up, your mum and dad”. The condescending tone is always there right from the start, and the rhyming is more of a surprise than an expectation throughout- the line “it deepens like a coastal shelf” brings new imagery and meaning to the poem by veering off into another subject. This enhances the surprise.

I’d also like to address cliche’s. The cliche’s present in CHIVALRY are “I deserve the world” and “I don’t need you to open my door”. These are easy to understand from a readers point of view, but often, cliche’s offer nothing new and exciting to the reader. They are easy to skip over and ignore. These add to the poems generic atmosphere.

Let’s talk about the pieces title itself: CHIVALRY. When we read this poem with the title in context, we get a strange disconnect. The poem is clearly about a girl who says she doesn’t need chivalrous acts from a friend or partner, and doesn’t need someone because they are “good with just me”. But the subtext of the piece is less about chivalry and more about self-esteem or a willingness to be loved. The piece has changed meaning two thirds of the way down. I think the title is too obvious and misleading, and gives the reader the wrong idea about what the poem is trying to say. In essence, the piece is named after a facet of the relationship between the narrator and other person, rather than the root of what the poem is trying to convey.

The pokémon references add color to this piece, and it is the only place this piece has any kind of concrete imagery. In the This is Just to Say the sweet and cold plum imagery is the very last line, heightening them. In CHIVALRY, they’re near the middle of the piece. Thus, the longer ending reduces the color and lasting effect of “holographic charizard”.

Overall, I think Gabbie Hanna could benefit from workshopping her poems and getting peer feedback from other poets, in addition to reading poetry that isn’t thirty plus years old. I don’t know if she already does this, but judging from her poems, I can only assume that she hasn’t. At the very least, she should avoid rushing to get poems out before they are due.

Gabbie Hanna is a novice poet who put her poems out into the world and got a greater amount of backlash than any novice poet usually does in a workshop or classroom setting. When in the classroom, there is such a thing as Critique Etiquette. Critique for poems are give honestly and gently, never in a harsh or mean way. Fellow poets point out possible interpretations of work, or possible unwanted connotations of sometimes, even a simple word at the end of the line. In addition, poets in the classroom are exposed to modern poets that are creating new and exciting work that is often published in highly esteemed magazines- reading the best of todays poetry. Gabbi Hanna’s work seemingly got published without peer review, and the quality of it was clear to those who read it. That being said, I do think that people who read and love Gabbie Hanna’s work do connect with it— no doubt because these poems are designed to be as generic as possible, so that others may see themselves in the words.This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I believe her work appeals best to newcomers to poetry, people who maybe have only ever read works from Shel Silverstein or Edgar Allen Poe. This can be a blessing and a shame. There are many good poets out there, that aren’t getting published because they don’t have youtube channels or brand collaborations, and they are just plain hard to find. However, Gabbie Hanna has opened the door for many would-be poetry readers, and has sparked a love for the art of poetry in them. Hopefully, this love leads them to become wider read, and to seek out more poetry from a multiple of authors to read.

I decided that I’d also like to include some published poetry from poets that are from a range of different backgrounds. Go forth and read!

POETRY THAT DOESN'T SUCK: Sonya Vatomsky's Salt is for Curing- poems by a non-binary poet that focus on themes of femininity, Russian food, Russian folklore and identity. Review Purchase

Danez Smith- A black, queer, non-binary and HIV positive writer. A poem I really like of theirs is "Dinosaurs in the Hood" is a great poem that I personally love.

Claudia Rankine's Citizen: An American Lyric. This book contains poems that focus on the Black experience in America. Excerpt from the book here

Khadijah Queen's I'm So Fine: A List of Famous Men and What I Had On. This collection features conversational poems that focus on the narrators encounters with famous men in relation to what the narrator was wearing at the time. A piece that centers around the question "Well, what were you wearing?". Read two poems from the book Here.

Fatimah Ashgar's IF THEY COME FOR US. Poems by a Pakistani-Kashmiri-American. These poems focus on race and identity. One of my favorites takes the form of a bingo card, titled Microagression Bingo (read here and two other poems from the book). As a poc myself, I was nodding along to every line, thinking "Yup. I've been through that too."

Tommy Pico is an indiginous poet, and Junk is a book length poem of couplets that uses modern, fast, text style language. From the Tin House website: "The third book in Tommy Pico’s Teebs trilogy, Junk is a breakup poem in couplets: ice floe and hot lava, a tribute to Janet Jackson and nacho cheese. In the static that follows the loss of a job or an apartment or a boyfriend, what can you grab onto for orientation?" Read an excerpt Here.

I can assure you that none of these read like Rupi Kaur, Gabbie Hanna, or Atticus. These are serious poets that have spent years honing their form, submitting to journals-- they did the work. And it shows in the quality of their writing.

While I'm not a fan of Atticus and Rupi Kaur and Gabbie Hanna, I can appreciate that they've appealed to people who may have never read a poem before. Now those people have a newfound love for poetry, and a hunger for more. Hopefully, those people will seek out other poets and expand their knowledge and repertoire of current poets, maybe lesser known poets that do amazing work.

8 notes · View notes

paperclipninja · 5 years ago

Text

Younger post-ep ramble 6x03

This week’s episode of Younger, ‘The Unusual Suspect’, was a big one. No scenes felt wasted, each one moving the story along and it all felt very purposeful. Despite some capital H hotness and really light and funny moments being scattered throughout, mostly thanks to fave (and only) NYC agent Redmond and the resurrection of some truly classic Diana Trout, there was definitely the sense of tension on the rise. It’s been simmering since the end of this season’s first episode and I feel like this week we have hit an apex.

We open with brunch at Maggie’s and what one can only assume is a time jump (either that or Clare has recovered remarkably well from birthing a baby the size of a four month old) and right away an overarching theme for this episode is established, as Lauren enters raving about the latest hit podcast, Exonerated. I’m gonna come straight out and say that I am so into this premise. The excitement around the table sounded like the break room in my office most days, they definitely nailed the trend of true crime fixation. It immediately allowed for Maggie’s quip about white women loving murder, a delightful array of OTT facial expressions from Liza and Kelsey dropping in that Millennial will be meeting with Audrey Colbert, subject of the podcast, to nab her book before anyone else does. Of course the other big news is that Josh and Clare appear to be happily family-ing it up (though mommy wipes, daddy dipes = vom in my mouth a little bit) and Maggie is dealing with unresolved BoUBT (Back of Uber Birth Trauma). Lauren’s vow to help get Maggie back on the ‘h for hunt’ once again epitomises why I love her character so and I want to record her sympathetic ‘oh Divaaa’ as my ringtone. I just love that Maggie, of all characters, is the one who seems like she should be the most pragmatic when it comes to something like birth yet her coping level is zero here.

You know who else wasn’t coping? Me and my Liza and Charles loving heart as Liza suddenly up and left the brunch because she ‘was late for a thing’, cue the scene that was released as a sneak peek last week that I have definitely only watched a normal number of times *cough*. The set up for The Rubin Museum from the opening conversation was fab and the fact that Charles and Liza are using the podcast to frame up a role play situation is just too much. Obviously I had seen the scene prior to the ep and while it is certainly *insert flames here*, I can’t help but wonder what it would’ve been like not to have expected it (actual combustion probable). I mean regardless, I will never think about a trip to the museum in the same way again. The voice-over narrating what we were seeing was such a great device that is really different to anything the show has done before, it built the anticipation of what was playing out and it felt like a scene from a movie. The moment when Charles turned and came face to face with Liza was a great reminder of how electric the chemistry between these two can be (actual lightening bolts were sighted) and quite frankly, seeing these characters being adventurous and lustful in their relationship is a yes on all fronts. I think the fact it all took place in a place of intellect and culture was extra fitting, it somehow kept the whole thing true to the characters and I am here for the #nerdlove.

The office drama was amped this whole ep and that of course was largely due to the ever growing reign of our season 6 villain, Quinn. With the time jump since last episode confirmed by the fact that Quinn’s book is both published and sitting on the best seller list, Kelsey and Diana’s first encounter with Quinn as she uses the WiFi for a conference call included a) Diana saying goodbye in Mandarin, which was yet another lovely tidbit to add to this character while also setting up the classic Diana we got throughout this ep and; b) some of the best fashion and hairstyles all in one scene (and episode as a whole) ever. I mean the fashion on this show is always next level but this episode in particular took it up a notch: Diana’s high-neck printed electric blue top and Kelsey’s hair/makeup/outfit in the conference room were so stunning I was actually distracted by them.

Kelsey’s office refurb was also noted, loved Liza’s ‘set it (Claw) on fire’ comment and of course, Diana telling Kelsey that now she is publisher, maybe she should stop speaking like a trucker was D. Trout golden line no.1 for this episode. Even better was seeing Kelsey, Diana and Liza settling into this new way of working. I adore the dynamic between these three and the way we’re seeing Diana adjust to her former assistant now being a peer without a fuss is why this show is so wonderful. It would have been easy to have Diana trying to assert herself and maintain some sort of authority, but to see her just want to get on with the work and do the best job she can gives a great credibility to the notion that this character is the best in the industry. I could pretty much write out every Diana Trout line from ‘The Unusual Suspect’ and leave this entire ramble at that (’why is everybody in this country obsessed with true crime? Actual people have died and they’re selling branded beanies on Etsy’ LOLLLLL) but I would then need to do that for Redmond because the fave one and only agent in NYC was back this week and as always, he was in fine form.

The pitch of Audrey Colbert’s book is up there with the funniest scenes of this series, from the creepy af Audrey (A+ casting of Willa Fitzgerald) to Liza and Kelsey trying to play it cool while being hella freaked out to Redmond’s attempt to present a compelling pitch being railroaded by Audrey’s ‘crippling lack of media training’, it was Younger writing and delivery at its finest from start to finish. Seeing Redmond so unnerved by Audrey was unnerving in itself and really, I am so happy with the amount of Michael Urie in this episode. Our next encounter was of course when Kelsey and Liza interrupt his infrared sauna treatment (again, so many hilarious lines, I really feel that a transcript of the entire episode is about the only way to do it justice but may be problematic to pass off as a recap/review…or would it?) and discover that Audrey’s book is being shopped around thanks to the dagger next to Claw on the bestseller list, which = bulk sales = dodgy business = Chinese bots tweeting = Quinn is the worst (math doesn’t lie) = Audrey doesn’t want to be associated with anything suspicious on account of the fact she’s been accused of murdering two ppl (fair). I do want to back this truck up a little though to the way Kelsey and Liza discovered their next big hit was being pitched to half the major publishing houses around town.

Diana Trout hobbling into the office on crutches before dropping the bomb that her injury was the result of being so frazzled upon hearing the news re: Audrey going elsewhere, that she got caught up in her reformer (just go and re-watch this scene, you will not be sorry) is everything I never knew I wanted to see. The reference to Jackie Dunn, who you may remember has been a longstanding nemesis of sorts of Diana’s, was such an utter delight as a long time fan and once again, seeing Kelsey, Liza and Diana all equally vexed by the news was so great and continued to solidify them as a team. I promise no more direct quotes* (*this is a very loose promise), but ‘postpone the power-trip Kelsey, I am handicapped’ in response to Kelsey’s stunned expression upon Diana’s request for espresso, is so outrageously funny and makes this whole scene an absolute stand out on account of its hilarity.

I missed Lauren and Diana interacting this week, however I appreciated seeing Lauren be the wonderful friend she is to Maggie and Josh. Taking Maggie to the support group obviously allowed us to meet Beth, who Maggie engaged for some one on one tutoring (looking forward to seeing where that goes this season) after returning to the store to apologise for running out during the group session. While Maggie was lining up her ongoing therapy, Lauren and Josh shared a sweet and heartfelt moment that highlights why their friendship is such a lovely one on this show. Obviously Josh had told Lauren that he and Clare had a moment that made him think, ‘maybe we should make this relationship work’ and Lauren is following up to see where his head and heart are at.

I absolutely loved said scene between Clare and Josh, when he had finally settled the baby, asks Clare if she wants to go to her bed and then joins her on the floor when she says she sleeps where she can now. There was such a sense of unity and care and it made my heart swell. So in his discussion with Lauren we also find out the baby is named Gemma (last name TBC, for both father and daughter) and when pressed about what he actually wants, Josh reveals that he doesn’t think he and Clare are right for each other. I have said it before, but for all the wacky that Lauren can be, she is the most incredible friend who only wants the best for those around her in such a relentless and genuine way and this scene really highlighted that once again (the line about her dad having such a little bottom though brought us straight back to Lauren light in the best possible way).

The divorce proposal was such a great scene and while I was hoping that perhaps Clare and Josh could work things out, I am thrilled to see that the writers put both these characters on the same page right from the get go. I love that this show constantly bucks stereotypes and expectations of how certain characters and relationships will play out, so to see two adults who have an agreed desire to put their child first but know they need to do so outside a romantic relationship is something really unique on television. I have always enjoyed Josh and Clare’s dynamic and I hope we get to see a real, loving co-parenting arrangement play out.

Kelsey’s interaction with Zane when she is buying a bottle of Dom Perignon to celebrate scoring Audrey’s book (eek!) is my favourite interaction of theirs this season. Their banter was really effortless, Zane’s, ‘you’re not listening’, as he pulled out the cash to pay for the one remaining bottle smooth and a little bit over confident, but really played up that he has something in the works that is legit. I especially love that we later discover both are buying champagne to celebrate the same win. I feel like we also need to stop and appreciate that they were about to drop $400 between them on two bottles of bubbles like it was no big deal. What is this life? How do I get it?

Though admittedly Kelsey deserves a nice glass of something this ep considering all that she is dealing with. I have made no secret that I have struggled with Kelsey’s character these past couple of seasons and no one is more surprised than me at how much I am getting on board with her this season. Kelsey calling out Quinn point blank that she faked her best seller was so good to watch and seeing Liza backing her up and standing her own ground made this extra satisfying. Gah, I just LOVE how Laura Benanti plays Quinn and her stating that ‘the money is real, what else do you need?’ is so cold and matter-of-fact. What I love most about this whole confrontation is that it immediately made me think back to the first time we met Quinn - her whole presentation was about the fact that no one wants your success more than you do and that women helping women is actually holding women back. That right there should’ve been the red flag that her “helping” Liza and Kelsey was not legit.

And so her true motivation for investing in Empirical becomes evident. It had nothing to do with saving an ailing publishing house, it was to ensure her book would be published, she could have some control over how big it would become and be seen to have the support of a reputable publishing house, all in order to gain name recognition so she could successfully run for Senate. In her mind, Kelsey and Liza benefit from the whole thing financially so it’s a win win but she also holds the power so feels like she has the upper hand. Which is why the scene at The Cut (which is so fab, the looks Quinn shoots Kelsey are searing), when audience members question the dagger next to her book, is so damn satisfying. Kelsey’s move to announce Quinn’s run for Senate is so bold, I am very on board and boy oh boy Kels, I think you’ve got yourself quite the adversary. I was very much Liza watching this all unfold, shocked, impressed and a little bit scared for and of Kelsey and what this all means.

Now Liza was late to the event because she was living out the next chapter of the podcast at the Brownstone which we need to discuss, however I first owe some of you an apology. At the end of last week’s ramble I suggested you may need a fire blanket at the ready after seeing the museum scene sneak peek to you know, contain the flames. I fear some of you may have deployed it prematurely (this is not a euphemism though I am very aware it sounds like one) in response to how damn hot that scene was, but I was not to know that we were going to get this later scene, in which Liza just wanders into the townhouse BECAUSE SHE HAS A FREAKING KEY (suspected ep 2, confirmed ep 3, appreciated always) and decides to have a good old snoop at her bf’s mail. Similar to the museum scene, this set up felt more like a movie than a typical Younger episode. There was an ominous weight to it; the music, the lighting, the Charles padding silently up behind her (barefoot again?) and the tension was palpable.

Liza asks Charles about what’s going on, he provides a vague answer about moving some things around before asking her if she’s listened to chapter 7 of Exonerated, which conveniently mirrors almost exactly what just occurred, with Audrey’s ex finding her going through his things. Ok, so this is where it gets tricky for me. This entire exchange, from the way these two fall into that speaking in third person and wrapping a narrative around themselves, the way Charles wraps his arms around her, the way they look at each other, I mean, this whole thing makes my heart spontaneously combust because it is sexy and flirty, dripping with desire and just really really hot *reaches for backup fire blanket*. But then Liza is clearly distracted by that letter and Charles’ deflection and part of me is wondering why on Earth she isn’t pressing him harder for an answer or following up, I mean, we saw how open they were with one another last season, but then the other part of me looks at Liza and thinks, you are a person who has eyes and that whole situation is right there in front of you so I get it, go with it and worry about it later.

I am aware of how long this ramble already is, but I am going to do something a little different here and digress slightly away from the episode itself and put out some conjecture on my part. It could well be completely over-analysing (lol, I’m neck deep into a freaking novella about a 25 min episode of TV, I think that’s a given) but I know that there is concern about Charles behaving secretively and I have seen some people expressing disappointment in this season so far.

For what it’s worth, my take on it is that it might seem as though some of the characters are behaving a little out of character but I feel that actually, the characters are behaving in ways we haven’t seen before because they’re in situations we haven’t seen them in before. As invested viewers we feel like we know these characters as whole people in every aspect of their lives when in fact, we’ve not seen Liza at the top of her game in her career or Josh as a parent or Charles in a romantic relationship or away from the office. So while the way they behave might not be the way we imagined it, to me it isn’t so much out of character as seeing a new dimension of the character. Also, the addition of flaws does not necessarily equate to destroying a character, it builds them out and makes them more real, if anything.

In relation to Charles and Liza’s relationship and the ‘Charles is being shady’ concern, IMO the key purpose of that is to create tension and you can FEEL it building. As crazy as it may sound, I think the Liza/Charles dynamic thrives in the build and resolution of tension and that’s why their moments in this episode felt so electric and hot, it’s like those unspoken, unresolved tension points charge their chemistry. As much as I think I would love to have Charles and Liza sitting around blissfully happy (I mean, I would obvs), the reality is, it’s not that fun to watch. I believe the tension is building towards a resolution of sorts that will actually put them in a better place and move the relationship forward. (*Full disclosure: since writing this I listened to the podcast from ATX fest and Joe Murphy, one of the writers for Younger, said very similar things so if you listened to that podcast I promise I have not just taken what Joe said and pretended they’re my thoughts, I legit had this written and then heard (ngl, I may be feeling a little smug as a result). I’m putting it down to us both being Australian because clearly that is a thing that makes sense).

I also think there is an unsettled feeling this season because the entire premise of this show, the roles these characters played, the interactions we have grown accustomed to week after week, has been completely flipped upside down. As viewers we garner comfort from the routine of watching a show but also from knowing where the players are positioned, how they will behave and what it looks and feels like. I think the writers know exactly what they’re doing and are achieving exactly what they would’ve hoped (apologies writers if this is wildly inaccurate and I’m just assuming things incorrectly left, right and centre) - everyone is sitting in discomfort and it’s largely due to the unfamiliarity of it all. The set up, the way we’re seeing characters etc, it reflects what the characters themselves are experiencing on our screens, which is all kinds of meta and actually pretty cool. But the further you push that discomfort and make viewers sit in it, the greater the impact and more satisfying the resolution. It’s like waiting for a beat to drop in a song, the build up can become almost unbearable but damn it’s good when it lands. That’s how I feel this is all going to go.

That is what I meant by this episode feeling like an apex, it feels as though there’s a limit to how far an audience can be taken in a state of flux without some resolve somewhere. And the writers know this, it’s what they do, it’s WHY we tune in. I’m not suggesting that everything is going to go back to the way it was, the evolution of a show like Younger is exciting and part of the fun is seeing where it goes, but we are three episodes in to a twelve episode season and while we consume it week to week, it ultimately has to make narrative sense across the whole season. It’s as though we’re at the end of an ‘establishing’ phase right now. So I am reserving any judgement until I see how it all comes together, but have no doubt there will be many resolutions and many new points of tension throughout.

Right now, I am thoroughly enjoying all that we’re getting and I think the writing this season has been excellent so far, with moments like the final scene of ‘The Unusual Suspect’ providing us with the first true cliffhanger of the season. Our last bit of Redmond for the ep was peak Redmond (I love that he dashed off to a better table uptown), and of course the big Mercury reveal, YESSS. That moment of realisation washing over Liza’s face, props to Sutton Foster, and I cannot WAIT to see how this all goes down. The prospect of inter-generational team ups of Kelsey/Liza vs. Zane/Charles while members of each team are in relationships with one another is the kind of set up I live for in a TV show. Is it July 10th yet?

#original post #incorrect spelling in link

11 notes · View notes

thecloserkin · 6 years ago

Text

fic rec: Dante’s Stars by Pretani

fandom: A Series of Unfortunate Events

pairing: Violet Baudelaire/Klaus Baudelaire

word count: 94k, complete

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: Yes

Is it endgame: Yes

Is it shippable: I’m fucking crying it’s so beautiful

Bottom line: The one and only Violet/Klaus epic, read it and bawl your eyes out (def read the warnings first tho)

It’s a canon-divergence AU where the Baudelaires stage their own deaths to escape Count Olaf. In canon the three Baudelaire orphans—inventor Violet, bookworm Klaus, and baby Sunny—are hounded from guardian to guardian by cartoonish villain Olaf, who will stop at nothing to get his hands on their fortune. Olaf murders or incapacitates every single adult who spares two seconds of sympathy for these kids, leaving a wide swathe of destruction in his wake. In this fic the Baudelaires have decided to wipe the slate clean and assume new identities.

I have mentioned in the past how salty I am about the Baudelaires’ characters being sidelined for Snicket the narrator, Olaf the villain, and/or sundry other bit-players (in the Netflix show the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender p much steals every scene they’re in). In canon we’re not really privy to the kids’ inner lives. This fic avoids that pitfall by sticking with tightly focused third-person Violet and Klaus POVs.

The thing this fic does really well is instill a pervasive sense of dread/paranoia which is remarkable because for the first 25% absolutely nothing ominous happens. The orphans get taken in by a slightly addled, very nice old lady and they just … live in her house. For free. While she cooks for them. And every morning Violet and Klaus hook up in her barn.

Ok back up so the ship they’re passengers on goes down in a storm, all hands lost, the Baudelaires are presumed drowned with the rest. Which is positively providential. The first event of any import to occur is that Klaus swipes some cash from a dead man’s wallet. Violet has ethical qualms but Klaus quashes them by pointing out that Sunny’s starving:

”I’d do anything for her,” he said. “Even become a thief or a murderer.”

Then his dark eyes found Violet’s. “I’d do it for you, too.”

So on the one hand I think this is rather extra. I mean, what possible use could a dead man have had for that money? Money that could put actual food in Sunny’s stomach. The Baudelaires are keenly aware that justice does not equal unquestioning obedience to authority and I think their exposure to a raft of tyrannical and unjust authority figures has hammered that home. They’re down with bending the rules because they know the rules are never even-handedly applied anyway (ie. the show trial at Hotel Denouement, the farcical final exam at Prufrock Academy). On the other hand I remember how uneasy they felt about stealing Hal’s keys in Hostile Hospital, and that was barely a misdemeanor! A friend of mine astutely pointed out how Violet is always trying to behave in any given situation the way their parents would have wished, whereas Klaus takes a pragmatic approach: do whatever keeps his sisters safe. And that is a very interesting contrast and one I want to see explored further.

They get on a train. Things that happen: Klaus notices when Violet is down in the dumps or angry or upset or in this case, wistfully jealous of other people who lead “normal” lives, bustling all around them. He’s not in love with her yet but noticing is the first step. Violet atm is super focused on being the elder sister, the adult in the room, the One In Charge. They get off the train and as soon as they blow into town Violet gets catcalled and propositioned. One of the themes of this fic is the horrendous baseline level of violence against women, some of it normalized and casual like the catcalling. The Big Bad Villain of the piece is literally a guy who’s murdered multiple girlfriends on account of them fridging his ass, since he appears to think that women owe him sex. And this man’s driving ambition is to add Violet to his list of conquests.

So often, men treated her as little more than an object … Klaus was different. He saw her, the woman she was inside.

HOW COULD SHE NOT FALL FOR HIM?? Is there another man she could learn to trust enough to fall in love with? However I’m getting ahead of the story. Klaus is still in the phase where he’s awakening to his attraction to Violet:

She was mother and sister, soft skin and tender strength, and he hid his face in her neck. Like a child, she rocked him gently, cradling his head.

I have to protect her, even if it’s from myself.

He couldn’t take this, his brave, beautiful sister, so near … the knowledge of what those men wanted to do to her. I”ll kill them … And what he wanted …

God but it kills me, Klaus thinking that his attraction to Violet is as noxious as those vile men and their rapacious stares. Klaus himself otoh is president of the Violet Baudelaire Fan Club. The contrast could not be more marked. Look at him building her up when she’s about ready to to give up on picking a lock because she’s lost her hair ribbon:

”I’m done, Klaus. I don’t have anything else to give”. ”Vi … “ he was pleading, willing her to believe in herself again, because he did. “You’re a brilliant inventor,” he told her. “It’s who you are. Nothing can take that away. You don’t need your ribbon.”

The unwarranted parallel that he draws between himself and a bunch of sexual predators is the source of so much angst and pining:

Is that what I am? A pervert?

She’ll blame herself for this

Well, well, well, if it isn’t ye olde I’m-Leaving-Her-For-Her-Own-Good-Lest-My-Perverted-Attraction-To-Her-Despoil-Her-Innocence. I am absolute trash for it every time, film at 11.

”I love you, Vi … I’m in love with you.” He said it like he was confessing to a crime, and she wanted to scream, to laugh and cry all at once.

THEIR LOVE IS A CRIME!!! Could these babies be more pure??

They’d always had an extraordinary connection. It was the reason for their seamless partnership, their ability to support one another … But now, the bond that had kept them alive was killing him. How could anything ever be right again?

”Vi, I’m sorry … I want to be your brother, but I can’t … I want to be more than that … I don’t know what to do.” ”Kiss me,” she said, “and be both.”

THATS IT THATS A WRAP I CAN NOW DIE HAPPY. That “kiss me and be both” is PERFECTION.

And she knew she’d never willingly give herself to anyone but him.

she’d loved him even then. Who could tell when they had crossed the line? It was already too late.

cross the line what line??? they were made for each other.

”You know, we missed the sunrise,” he said, nose to nose with his sister.

Violet and Klaus carve an extra hour out of their morning to go make out in the barn. I shit you not these kids spend a whole month without progressing past first base because Klaus doesn’t want to “pressure” Violet into anything she’s not ready for. Violet, for her part, is beginning to suspect there’s something wrong with her person; why hasn’t he even tried to take her top off? Thank you #Patriarchy for teaching us that desirability is the measure of a woman’s worth. God they are so thirsty. This bitch almost fell over the first time he touched her tits:

“Vi,” he spoke into her hair, voice breaking. “Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me to —“ But she only titled her head, to meet his mouth in a feverish kiss.

So Klaus and Sunny are having a snow fight and Violet tugs her glove off to tousle his hair and it’s THE SEXIEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN BYE. True story after I read this fic I legitimately thought that “Vi” was a pet name Klaus called her by in canon, and when I finally finished the books much much later and realized that it wasn’t—well, it should have been.

There is a fairy tale about a princess who disguises herself in the skin of a donkey to escape the attentions of her lecherous father the king. Violet and Sunny discuss it. Violet points out that rape is wrong because rape is rape, because it is coercive, not because it’s incest. I love it when fic highlights the fairytale parallels to the Baudelaires’ situation, and I feel like Donkeyskin was such a spot-on choice because it’s all about surviving sexual assault and learning to make oneself vulnerable again afterwards? Klaus is the prince who sees through her disguise and falls head over heels in love with her CHANGE MY MIND. On the subject of happily ever after:

”Is that what you think I want? A fairytale? A walk down the aisle in a white dress?" He felt a lump forming in his throat. "Most girls think about those things, don't they?" "I don't," she told him. "I prefer not to. And as for children…well…I love them. That's why I don't want any of my own … how selfish would I be, to bring another little life into this? Another hostage they could use against us. Imagine how awful it would be if…" She shook her head. "No children… not ever. I couldn't protect them." And she turned to him with a soft look. "It's no sacrifice, Klaus. Not for me. I've already been through a… a wedding, you know." He felt her shudder, and she averted her eyes. "I won't be sorry if I never see another wedding dress again."

My dudes, when you have children each and every one of them is a hostage to fortune because of course they are. Also, Violet’s traumatized by the whole idea of being a bride, after going through the wringer of her fake wedding to Olaf. Olaf put Sunny in a cage to compel her compliance, and that’s what the Big Bad in this fic does too. He says things like “You’re a sick little bitch, aren’t you? Spreading your legs for your own brother” which turns their beautiful relationship into this ugly depraved thing to be ashamed of. I mean, this guy was literally a voyeur who would watch them from his hidey-hole while they were being intimate?? My god I would feel so unclean. And the worst part is, he overheard them calling each other by their real names not their aliases, so now he knows who they are and since the Baudelaires are still on the lamb this is bad. It gets pretty dark pretty fast.

“He won't want you anymore! No one's gonna want you when we're done!"

So he kidnaps and rapes Violet. Klaus and Sunny rescue her, dispatch the villain (Klaus’s earlier “I’d do anything” for his sisters, including becoming “a thief or a murderer,” acquires sudden resonance), and that’s when fucking Count Olaf shows up!!!! These kids just cannot catch a break. Turns out the Big Bad was actually working for Count Olaf all along. Olaf’s plan is still the same plan from The Bad Beginning where he plotted to steal the Baudelaire fortune by marrying Violet. Since Count Olaf has never in his life paid a henchman a salary, he was keeping the Big Bad sweet by promising to let him ravish Violet first. Let the full enormity of that sink in. Oh wait a minute Olaf isalso bent on knocking Violet up asap so the union can’t be dissolved on non-consummation grounds, or somesuch:

"You look at me as if I were a usurper, boy, about to steal something of yours. Tell me…" He gestured at Violet. "Is she yours?"

Why would you do this to me??????? This is so, so painful. Olaf uses an electric cattle prod on Klaus and makes Violet watch??? It’s ok though the Baudelaires prevail in the end, and emerge from the bloodstained ordeal as the family they are. My kink will forever be Violet and Klaus praising each other’s bravery and resourcefulness. They! Are! So! Proud! and! Supportive! Of! Each! Other! This line from earlier in the fic gets me every time:

I’ve failed them. This was his greatest fear, worse than death or any torment fate could devise. In his head, he imagined the struggle, saw his girls beaten and shot, felt each blow and bullet as if his own body were the target instead.

Klaus Baudelaire laying down his own body between the world and his sisters is really the only thing I care about:

And then her gaze fell to the marred canvas of his body.

I bet his back is a mess of burn marks ugh. Four weeks after Violet’s discharged from the hospital (practical Violet made sure to get the green light from the medical professionals) they finally have sex again, which is a relief—after the rape they were both hesitant to initiate sex because she thought she was damaged goods and he thought she wanted space? Silly kids. Oh and and here they are being mistaken by strangers for a pair of lovebirds:

One of the women sighed dreamily. "Did you ever see a more likely pair of turtledoves?" "Of course not," Mr. Poe sputtered, dabbing his brow with a handkerchief. "The very idea!" And he excused himself hurriedly, to make some phone calls. "Don't be silly," said the other. "They're siblings. Haven't you heard? … They're the Baudelaire orphans." "Well, I daresay," the first one went on, "anyone would've taken them for sweethearts."

I CANNOT WITH THESE TWO

The Baudelaires finally, finally come into their fortune free and clear. They put on their parents’ wedding rings and move to Canada. A cat (!!!) leaves baby Beatrice II in a basket outside their front door, and that completes their family. Nobody deserves good things more than these kids, and this fic ends exactly where it ought, describing “a rural life of moral simplicity.”

I read this fic years ago and it was w i l d rereading it again, thanks for coming along for the ride. If anyone wants to scream/cry about this fic in particular, or Violet and Klaus in general, feel free to send me an ask or message me ANYTIME

#fic rec #asoue #violet x klaus #Baudelairecest

42 notes · View notes

athyrabunlord · 6 years ago

Text

Thoughts and Notes about ep1-5

This is a continuation of this post here, and some extras too. It’s less casual and more organized this time.

I now have rewatched ep1-3, and then watched ep4-5 which I was strongly recommended to do because those will answer some of my questions.

Tl:dr version - ep4-5 did nothing to endear the MC duo (if anything, it did the opposite), but provided interesting insights on other characters and thus are worth the watch

The (once again very long) version:

As said above, I have now watched ep4-5 as per recommendation because I’m told that I missed a lot from skipping ep4-5, that reading summaries wasn’t enough because that messes up the narrative. Fair enough, I agree with that and therefore decided to watch for myself.

Before that though, I rewatched ep1-3 just to see what else I could have missed. I must say that it was very interesting in this rewatch now that we know more about Nana and Hikari. Many of Nana’s lines in these earlier episodes are indeed foreshadowing. Her friggin’ first line is a foreshadowing.

One thing to add here that I missed mentioning in my previous post is that, yes it’s strongly implied that Karen have not participated in the loops’ Revues/that ep1 is the first time she participated.

==================================================

Notes about Ep1:

The narration of the play Starlight, of little Karen and Hikari and when they made their promise; the play’s cast was the girls in their Revue outfits with Hikari on the very top

Maya pointing out that she couldn’t see Hikari’s heart, which both Kuro and Nana expressed their surprise’; since the scene switched to the stairway, we don’t know what Nana’s expression is then - surprise about that insight on Hikari, the rogue factor, or surprise about Maya able to sense that? Ep7 did reveal a lot, but not all yet

I knew Kirin’s eyes were green but now that I’m staring at them, I think they’re the same/close to the shade of Nana’s green

Hikari would’ve lost to Junna if Karen hadn’t intervened, and then Junna lost due to the element of surprise.

Revue of of Passion - with help of ep8, it’s obvious now why Hikari would’ve lost, she no longer had her passion after all

=================================================

Notes about Ep2:

Just as Kirin warned, both Hikari and Junna reminded Karen not to speak of Revue in public (the first rule of Fight Club is, you do not… cough); Mahiru’s reaction was confusion, Nana’s was surprise, implying this could be the first she finds out of Karen participating the Revue

Maya and Claudine, pls go a get a room X”DDDDD the chemistry between these two good lord

Hikari noting that Karen doesn’t have enough shine, that’s why she wasn’t chosen in the first place; Karen countered that what Junna said made her heart doki/making her want to understand and try harder (on top of the fact Hikari’s back with her here)

Nowhere was it stated that ep1’s 3-way match didn’t count or does count; however, the fact ep2 is “Day 2 Audition” implies there is some sort of impact

Junna said the moment she became Stage Girl was when she was 8; interesting note is that it’s implied she watched a play of Starlight or similar, but the cast was shown as mannequins in contrast to ep1

Revue of Desire- Junna wants to be a star; she wants to shine and step out from the shadows, to surpass Maya and Kuro and thus she tried and tried so hard just to keep up; in my rewatch here, I note that Karen didn’t even talk-no-jutsu… she just said she wants to become stars with Hikari, and the next moment landed that decisive blow

After that, Kirin remarked he now knows why Karen wasn’t originally chosen, implying Hikari and Karen’s fate are shared

Maya defeated Kuro but neither’s stories are shown enough at this point to judge whose desire is stronger

Summary: still cannot accept Junna’s loss. If Junna doesn’t have as much talent as the top girls, she at least has passion and work ethics and desire to win which Karen lacks at this point; even if I take a step back and say Karen’s desire is stronger than Junna’s… so, having a goal to due to a childhood promise is more favorable/stronger in the Revue than a desire to reach the star through hardwork? Hmm. I’ll just say Junna lost because she was overthinking and, quoting her, the simple-minded ones are stronger lol

========================================================

Notes about Ep3

Nana seems (pleasantly) surprised when Junna and Karen seem so close; could be due the fact this rerun truly is different

I really must mention I like the start of Claudine and Futaba’s growing bond/dynamic

Kaoruko talking to Mahiru about how Hikari’s presence brought all the changes; it could’ve been just an off-handed comment, or does Kaoruko know more than she seems? (even though ep5 appeared to be her first entrance to Revue and her centric ep6 didn’t confirm that)

Still irked by what Karen told Hikari - “I’ll be back after I win!”; I’ll just put it as her being idealistic and believes that her dream is enough fuel to lead her to victory, especially after the match against Junna

Seriously, Kuro and Maya, I have a room all prepared, go for it, let it all out gah pls just go at it

Revue of Pride - Maya expressing surprise that Karen is even in this Revue; meaning she has never considered Karen as a possible rival, or she thought Karen didn’t have a goal/reason to be top star; she asked Karen just what had she offered in exchange, to reach for the star? Indeed, what had Karen offered?

Kuro vs Futaba, and flashes of the other girls in their Revue outfits (but only Nana’s katanas were shown); was this implying that there have been other matches by this Day 3 of Audition already? If anyone has a chart of who’s fought who already on which days, that’d be great (I’ve seen some on twitter but can’t find them anymore).

Allow me a moment to gush over Maya’s part in the duet of ep3 again. Those lyrics are just so damn good lol. And also goddamit that beautiful animation

Instead of herself, Maya mostly talked about Kuro; I’ve already talked about this in my previous post but yeah, I love them. This is KuroMaya

Interestingly, after her victory, Maya said “the passion with her (Kuro) is…”, trailed off; well, I guess we’ll wait for a Kuro-centric ep to find out more

Hikari trying to intervene but couldn’t; implying Kirin really did sneakily allow Karen to crash the audition in ep1, or Karen has some sort of power that allowed her to sneak in without Kirin’s notice

Conclusion: while Maya is indeed more superior in skills than Karen, this being Revue of Pride implies that due to Maya’s pride/confidence in her skills and acknowledging what’s at stake, she defeated Karen

============================================

Anyway, finally here we are, ep4-5. I took into consideration all the points that those arguments have made against my post and what I should look out for:

explanation/evidence in Karen being so powerful (ie. improving enough to defeat Claudine)

The impact of Karen losing to Maya has on the plot/character development

The resolution of the Mahiru-Karen relationship (as well as, the Mahiru-Karen-Hikari situation)

The Karen-Hikari bond being a strong enough fuel for the viewer to relate to and root for them

Summary/Notes about ep4

Once again we’re shown that little Karen and Hikari’s promise was made after they’ve seen the play Starlight; however this time, while played by the girls, they’re in the actual play’s outfits and the two as the lead; for the first time, we’re shown exactly what happened after the two leads reached the top; Karen was… affected by the red light (interestingly, her own jewel color), and then the scene continued to the next line of how ‘their dreams could never be’

Bana-nice; Nana seems happy at the new term, perhaps because that’s never happened in any of the reruns before

Sigh, really, making a ruckus in the morning, disturbing most of your dorm mates’ rest, and ditching your hallway cleaning duties, that’s just rude and disrespectful; Karen did apologize and promise to be back soon (which she didn’t)

Kaoruko talks to Futaba about the Revue audition, foreshadowing ep6

Hikari reminding/making sure Karen remembers their promise, and the two chatting about various things, while walking around the city dragging her suitcase and making Karen chase after her for the whole day; I’ll… just leave it as because Hikari haven’t been back to Japan for 12 yrs and thus want to do a bit of tour around; also, Karen mentioning she felt that she and Maya were on totally different stage

Important Note: we’re shown yet again that Kuro was practicing, as per all previous episodes; that’s 4 eps in a row; why specifically keep showing her practicing, out of the other girls? I’m really excited for her centric ep

Also seriously MayaKuro please, I beg of you, do something about your sexual tension *writhes* a claymore couldn’t cut it in half X”DDDDDD

Ahem. Kuro asking Maya why she’s in the Revue, and Maya replying she’s jealous at the very thought of someone else being the Top Star; implying she wanted to win to keep their status quo of her being no.1 and therefore, her partner/no.2 will remain Kuro

Hikari trying to warn Karen of the stakes, of what it means to lose at Revue; Karen just assuring Hikari she won’t lose again because she wants to shine, that she’ll be so brilliant and intense that she won’t lose to everyone;

Hikari reminding Karen there could only be one winner; Karen refuted that Kirin never said that - rather, the winner could be whoever presents the most dazzling revue; Hikari is in disbelief since there’s no way they’d get special treatment like that; Karen assures Hikari it’ll be okay (At this point, I think that’s exactly what will happen lol)

Once again, Nana looks very happy about ‘bana-nice’ and that this is the first time they made up alibi to get past roll coll for the absent duo

It was never shown that Karen or Hikari contacted the girls that they won’t be back; sure they ran out of money but, surely their phone still have battery? If not, that’s utterly irresponsible of them to just get out like that and expect things to work out

The rest of the girls are such amazing friends; Karen thanked Junna for doing her cleaning duties; in spite of the dorm head finding out and Junna freaking out about the hardcore training as punishment, the bottom line for Junna is that she’s glad Karen and Hikari are safe; the rest of the girls welcome them back

Conclusion, if you really ship KarenxHikari, you’ll probably enjoy it. If not, well, you’ll enjoy all the other moments and appreciate the other girls.

===========================================================

Summary/Notes about Ep5:

For Mahiru, Karen has always been a source of light, absolutely brilliant; however, so are the others in this prestigious Academy; Mahiru thought everyone but herself is radiant; it’s implied that she’s been struggling with this inferiority complex for a long time

Once again, Nana seems pleased at Karen’s change; however, her gaze was cloudy and displeased when the GroupB girls suggested Hikaren as the leads, that she should move forward and strive for improvement; def foreshadowing of ep7

Mahiru had such trouble waking up Karen in the morning, shown in previous episodes; now, Karen woke up early to train with Hikari, now that she’s made a promise to Hikari that she won’t lose again and will catch up to Maya. Good for her to finally be motivated, but coming from Mahiru’s POV, that’s painful. The unspoken question of “I’m not good enough to motivate you?” lingers in the air

We learn about Mahiru’s background; that she came from a large family, who owns a farm, and it had a been a huge deal for her to get accepted into the Academy, enough to get interviewed

After a bit of… stalkerish behavior from Mahiru (which I suppose is meant to be presented as comical but I just cringe) in which Hikari is always present and thus stopped Mahiru from really doing anything, Mahiru finally snaps, telling Hikari not to steal her brilliance which is Karen; Hikari is irked by the casual use of the word ‘steal’ (which is explained later in ep8)

Mahiru receives the mail about the Revue, marking this as her first fight

Revue of Jealousy - in a way, this makes sense why it’s only now that Mahiru qualifies to participate in Revue; on a side note, I really, really dig the song…

The whole thing is presented as comical in an almost psychotic, creepy way; of course, Mahiru’s completely snapped; she’s scared of losing her place, of losing her shine; she’s the one who had always been by Karen’s side but now…

Mahiru’s. Weapon. Is. Badass.

Also, a note, you -can- intervene in other Revues somehow; if Mahiru or Karen wanted, they could have started fighting Maya and Futaba; Kaoruko and Junna; Hikari and Kuro then and there

Anyway, it’s very painful to watch Mahiru chasing after Karen. “I just want to be useful again.” “Do you not need me anymore?”

After Mahiru’s self-deprecating rant, Karen counters that Mahiru has her own shine and lists all the qualities she likes about Mahiru, making her recall the joy of being accepted to this Academy and so on

And then, Karen won. If going by my above points, this is Revue of Jealousy so in that aspect, Mahiru definitely should have won. If not, still I don’t see how Mahiru so easily lost. As mentioned in my previous post, where is the supposed damage from being repeatedly thwonked by that mace/scepter? Karen did a ‘homerun’ to win but, urgh, she won because she made Mahiru recall her own shine??

Afterwards, we’re shown Mahiru acknowledging her own shine, which has always been there since middle school, and that she won’t rely on anyone anymore.

Conclusion: I tried to remain as neutral as I could but now I’m sitting here, tasting bitterness and just overall horrible for Mahiru. Those summaries I read before were nice and sugarcoating in comparison now that I’ve watched the real thing. If the ep’s intention is to make viewers feel horrible for Mahiru, then in that aspect it’s a successful delivery. If the ep’s intention is for the viewer to accept Karen and root for her… My opinion of her went from neutral to you’re such a horrible friend who doesn’t deserve Mahiru at all. I want to like you Karen, I really do because you’re the MC, but I really can’t, not after ep5.

I feel like full extent of Mahiru’s despair was just dismissed. Her issues, not just the jealousy of Karen being ‘taken away’ from her side, felt really downplayed. Sure, Karen did give her hope and the other others’ acknowledgement at the end, the warm and family-like atmosphere soothe her, but the scale is just too much to justify that change. You do not just overcome years of feeling inferior over one supposedly inspirational speech. Ep 5 isn’t just horrible on the Karen-Mahiru relationship now, it’s a slap in the face to the character of Mahiru. I’m… appalled. Really, put yourself in Mahiru’s shoes.

Now, going back to the four points I listed before writing about ep4-5, none of them are answered/resolved. Karen trains yes, but Kuro has been training for so much longer and she was better than Karen to start with. Karen losing to Maya made her want to start training harder and her plan to defeat Maya is to become more radiant. Um, ok. The other two points I already said above.

======================================================

And so, I’ve come to a final conclusion that:

You either adore Revue Starlight in spite of its faults (or for some people, blind to the faults), and/or ship Karen x Hikari and/or considers Karen a good MC;

or;

You’re still watching Revue Starlight by ignoring its faults because you like the other characters/ships/elements too much, and/or really don’t care for Karen x Hikari and/or find Karen lacking as MC.

If you’re watching the series and don’t belong to the two groups I mentioned above, please, please comment on this and shed some light as the middle(?) ground since it’d be nice to see a completely different perspective.

#athyra rambles #personal #shoujo kageki revue starlight #good lord it's 3AM #I think I cared too much #but I'm glad to have done this at the same time #all my hope for redemption is resting on Kuro's episode #and the actual resolution of Nana's subplot #for now lemme just hug Mahiru

20 notes · View notes