#if it paid enough for me to afford. u know. food

[dadfckr]

:(

[izzy-b-hands]

Putting on last year's trans rigs stream from Drawfee before i have to get ready to go out with my mum and her bf today (bc i have the worst feeling in my gut he's gonna make that An Thing for me if given the chance today, aka whenever i eventually need the restroom while we're at Mystic)

[toonfinch]

this is all i will be saying about the matter because this is stupid as fuck. its a bit long but its mostly for me, not for others to read. but feel free to.

i deleted my post on r/badroommates because i got sick of arguing with idiots online and havent responded to anything because reddit temp banned me for calling myself slurs im allowed to say lmao. im gay and trans. this will go on reddit when i am unbanned. for now it stays here.

i am paying rent, i owe my roommate, u/azzyisjazzy zero dollars. he did cover two months for me because i lost my job and struggled to find a new one, then when i did it lasted like a month because the temp agency ran out of work for me to do. he knows this btw hes just a liar. he heard the phone call because it was on speaker. but i paid him back completely and have paid our most recent bills with zero issue. i am literally at work while writing this. i am on track to make rent just fine. when i said i have $10 its because i had to buy warm weather clothes because i have none. its been hot.

the way he describes my suicidal ideation is making everyone think i do this repeatedly, i did it once. on my tumblr blog, i was not thinking about how it may hurt people, when azzyisjazzy and his friend, u/dizzy_elk_6491 and my friend all had a conversation about it, nobody acted concerned, azzyisjazzy only told me that if i were to actually hurt myself and he never reported it he may lose his job. he was never concerned about me lol. either way, i realized that watching people be suicidal is stressful and i also didnt want to be forcibly hospitalized so i nuked my blog so i can vent safely. i am not suicidal at all and havent been for a while, by the way. interestingly, current roommates friend dizzy_elk_6491 has threatened suicide when things didnt go his way before. he threatened suicide when my friend wanted to break up with him. later my friend found out that dizzy_elk_6491 had been lying about his boundaries in order to keep my friend in a relationship. he did not ignore boundaries whatsoever, there were none said. also, they were literally stupid teenagers.

azzyisjazzy was cool with sharing groceries until suddenly he wasnt, i did not have enough money at the time to also buy the same amount of things he was. we literally went shopping together several times and he told me to pick things out so obviously i thought it was fine? he just sucks at telling people when hes bothered. if he didnt suddenly lock the fridge just as i got a decent job (i was saving up money to pay him back for everything, i still could not afford a substantial amount of groceries) then id have replaced everything i ate. which was like....eggs and milk and coffee. i was mostly eating my own food lol. he ruined all the food i had in the fridge at the time which probably comes out to the amount i owe him for what i ate so ill call that fair.

i do not have bipolar disorder, i do not know where anyone involved got this information. i was on lithium, but it made me worse. gave me worse anxiety and made my eyeballs twitch. not exactly a medication that works. i tried several medications that did not work. i was also accused several times by past roommate, u/finchsexroomate and their friends that i have borderline personality disorder. i thought i might but several doctors told me otherwise. so far the only mental issues im pretty sure i have is major depressive disorder, autism, anxiety, and ocd.

intensive outpatient therapy also did not work, i was having panic attacks every morning because it was not the type of therapy i require.

currently working on getting insurance so i can get trazodone, which works. because i am diagnosed for major depressive disorder. the doctors asked me the pointed questions clearly about bipolar disorder but i dont have manic and depressive episodes. on the other hand, azzyisjazzy has said he is manic. maybe he meant it in a quirky way, but whatever.

i...didnt get mad at azzyisjazzy and his friends for not learning sign language? i dont know asl. i brought it up once or twice as a "wouldnt it be cool if we all learned together" situation, because im deaf and my hearing gets worse monthly. the only sign i was aware anyone knew was when azzyisjazzy and dizzy_elk_6491 said something that contained the words "eat orange" at each other over and over. that doesnt exactly indicate to me they are at a conversational level. either way, i was not "expecting them to communicate in a language i do not speak" lol.

i never threatened a damn thing about the dog. i said she was stressing me out so bad she was triggering my ocd. ocd can cause intrusive violent thoughts. they are not desires, they are based on things you DONT want to do. they are INTRUSIVE. i felt unsafe because the thoughts were so distressing and i could not banish them from my brain. the fact that azzyisjazzy is graduating from nursing school and doesnt understand this is concerning. i thought i biked over a snake this morning and started crying before i saw it move. i threw it in someones yard so it wouldnt get run over. i don't even like hurting bugs. i got mad at azzyisjazzy for making jokes about killing crickets in the house. maybe i am sensitive, sure, judge me how you please. but that doesnt exactly indicate an animal abuser does it?

also, me being a furry and objectumsexual (attraction to objects) has literally nothing to do with anything. its funny, because my azzyisjazzy has told me he pretends to be a dog during sex multiple times. also, he is a furry. or at least was. his fursona is/was a deer. not judging, obviously, its just hypocritical. is it weird? YES. is it harmful? NO. on top of this, azzyisjazzy had me walk the dog a few times after i had said those things. clearly he was not very concerned then. im sure he knows better and is just making shit up to hurt me.

now i don't remember much about my previous living situation with finchsexroomate because i was traumatized and the order of events and details are all mixed up and blurry. i moved in because i was in a motel with my drunk father and (thankfully normal) brother for two years. i was being paid to take care of them, but i wasnt equipped to do so because of my mental health issues. that were being exacerbated by finchsexroomate's reactions to my tone of voice...or something? they would react in ways that freaked me out like getting an attitude or yelling at me. i didnt react well to this which was entirely my fault, causing arguments. this happened a lot. idk why its so hard for anyone involved to understand that we simply did not mesh well together. azzyisjazzy and finchsexroomate have very similar communication styles, or lackthereof. it makes sense why i dont get along with both of them. they suck at communicating boundaries.

it took finchsexroomate months to tell me my tone of voice was upsetting them. they also think i was frequently stewing in anger next to them to hurt them when maybe i was a little annoyed at something and not putting in a ton of effort to look cheery while like...watching tv. or something. every time there was an incident like this, me moving elsewhere was brought up. i was living in a motel for two years before this. you have to be literally stupid to think its easy to find anywhere to live in this economy. obviously did not react well to this and yes it triggered suicidal episodes. but im not unstable if my housing and food and such else is taken care of. now that i have a stable job and can afford everything i need i am perfectly fine. just a bit stressed.

for some reason finchsexroomate thinks i was in love with them and trying to drive a wedge between them and their husband? lol? i said their husband was hot like twice. hes a hairy bear? come on now. theyre just being freaks because im polyamorous. if i had a crush on either of them theyd know, because that is something i hate keeping inside even if i know telling someone will go nowhere.

our living together ended when one night we were watching tv and somehow the topic of my date the next day came up, and finchsexroomate reminded me that our other roommates who would normally take over care when i am gone would also be leaving, so i didnt want to leave them in the house alone or worry about what time i had to be home since i would not be the one driving. i announced id reschedule my date and this upset finchsexroomate so bad that they started yelling at me. i only remember the part where they started yelling fuck you over and over again after i was like dude. its like fucking midnight. we can deal with this tomorrow. their reaction freaked me the fuck out and i did what everyones demonizing me for.....taking the torch we smoked dabs with and brushing it on my wrist for less than half a second, turning it off, and putting it on the table. and then sitting there. finchsexroomate was more at risk of burning the house down than me because i saw them drop the torch while it was still spewing flames twice, and they told me it happened once while i was not there. lol. was my reaction smart? no. did i "try to burn the house down with people inside"? no.

last thing about them, after they kicked me out and gave me zero chance to grab any of my belongings forcing me to pay an exorbitant amount of money for shipping that i could not afford, i said fuck it. they dont deserve my money after all of this. its not like i could just fucking drop almost $800 on it. later when the hurt started to go away i decided id put aside money and then give it all back when ive collected enough, but um. not doing that now lmao.

between then and now i was living with people my dad knew. one of them regularly assumed everything in the house was my fault such as leaving hard water spots on dishes and several times the freezer door was left open (not by me) so he tried attacking me about it and had to be held back by two people. this happened twice. i was also threatened by one of the residents because he was abusive to his girlfriend and i almost pepper sprayed him about it. it got to the point where i had to get a motel room a second time to avoid being hurt. and of course after this is when azzyisjazzy and i started talking.

anyway back to the present. azzyisjazzy thinks i was...listening to him and his bf my first night here just bc i was quiet? i thought they knew i was here lol. i literally cannot eavesdrop. i can hear loud talking and music and dog barking and dog nails on hardwood in my room. sometimes i can hear noises but that doesnt mean i understand what the noises are. at this point im convinced everyone thinks im faking my deafness. do i need to show everyone how scarred my ear drum is? that also has a hole in it?

and i guess this all got worse because i chose to stop being very close friends with all of azzyisjazzys friends. they were a lot of energy. i avoided them a lot because my idea of a good time is being quiet and doing a task together or watching tv or going to the park to look at critters and plants or something. i still tried, i was an audience to their musicals in the kitchen. and hung out when i was able to handle their energy, which was rare. azzyisjazzy thinks i was avoiding his show because i hated him when in reality i was busy with things i felt were more important such as my friend's mental health. azzyisjazzy even told me it was fine and that he understood. i also felt that none of them liked me very much anyway, so i just kind of stopped trying. i know one of them hated me because i got mad at him for making kill all furries jokes in the discord server we were in, and several times after that he would criticize my friends and i for stupid bullshit like putting in the announcements channel to not put chunks of food in the sink that does not have a garbage disposal in it.

the reason there are horses all over my walls is because azzyisjazzy heard gunshots and we were discussing whether or not we should call the cops in the discord server. my friend and i said no because theres no way to prove which direction it came from so on top of the cops not being able to do anything, we have black neighbors that might be questioned. furry hater guy said what does their race have to do with this and i dont remember what i said after it but he sent a horse emoji which is a reference to the meme of a horse standing at the sea with the caption "MAN" and i felt it inappropriate so i muted him for 10 minutes.

so the time my friend told someone to kill themselves? he had almost gotten hit by a car, and said "kill yourself for real" about the driver. furry hater guy got mad at this and said no suicide jokes. i misinterpreted it as another baseless criticism and told him to shut up. i was wrong for this and apologized, and later decided to just leave the server because i wasnt having fun in it anyway.

idk where to place these things in this giant block of text so theyre going at the end my friend and i used the dining room table to do crafts which is why azzyisjazzy bike locked the chairs. okay...ill just get my own i guess? he has threatened to put cameras up in the house which i am fairly certain is illegal because i do not consent and it would violate a reasonable expectation of privacy in the state of Missouri. also azzyisjazzy and i both agreed that nudity is not an issue, and when i am alone in the house sometimes i dont have a shirt on. i am a trans man, i have tits. that's inappropriate and once again im fairly certain that is illegal. missouri is a one party consent state so the only circumstance where recording me would be okay is if one of whoever is in the video or audio consents, such as if azzyisjazzy and i had a conversation. he could be the one to consent. but he doesn't say use his big boy words at me anymore so that wont happen. weve said a total of maybe 5 words to each other in the last month. i text him sometimes and he pretends not to see it but i know he does because he thinks me telling him his post got removed was bragging that i reported it. maybe my friends did? i dont control them. lmao.

hes also told my friends that me simply living here is an "escalation" and that if i continue to live here "things will get worse for me" those are threats. genuinely convinced that he knows a lot of what he is saying is made the fuck up or stretched truths just so "things will get worse"

btw, im not the one abusing the dog. she gets one walk a day and is barely played with because of how much azzyisjazzy works. all she does is sleep all day and bark out the window and piss on the couch and the floor and chew up shit azzyisjazzy leaves around the house, like a plastic tape dispenser. those plastic shards might be inside her stomach, by the way. that can and has killed dogs. many times.

i dont know what else to say. this is getting way too long. i certainly feel better after writing it though.

i may or may not respond to comments. i dont really feel like proving myself to a bunch of redditors, but considering these lies might follow me around for a while especially because finchsexroomate posted my FACE????? glad i look extremely different now (thanks hrt) and was wearing a mask lol. what sort of fucking insane behavior. i kind of wanted to post webcomics online, so i felt it necessary to do a bit of damage control. of course, all sides to this is mostly he said she said, so this only helps so much. but i said my truth, and ill stand by it. omission of details is because i forgot. this has been all over the last two years. my memory is shot because i got covid the first time i was in the motel and the repeated trauma hasnt helped. if someone brings up a good point i will respond to it.

anyway. ill move out when im able to. get the fuck over it.

good fucking lord.

im going to go do literally anything else more productive than this. get a new hobby. make a fursona and maybe youll feel better. fucking weirdos

[isteppedonacookie]

it's always funny how workplaces act like they care about your wellbeing up until the point where you can't work.

my back has been consistently hurting at around a 7/10 the past week, and i should not be doing manual labor, but its not like my job is going to pay me for being injured u know? our managers "care" about my wellbeing, but they care more about running the store than about their individual workers, because thats what their purpose is: to run a store.

it just shows how capitalism puts work before wellbeing. in an ideal world, i would be able to stay home and relax until my back is recovered from being overworked, and i would still be paid enough to afford rent and food. but instead i either go to work and am in pain for 8 hours, or i stay home and relax, but i dont get paid and i have to worry about my workplace being mad at me for calling out twice in a week :/

workplaces will never truly care about your health and wellbeing. they will only pretend to care up until the point that you become a burden.

[starzgaze]

extremely cringe rant coming up

oh my fucking god i hate being titled smart or whatever like?? I'm not even smart by default, my hardest is another person's lowest and it's pissing me off. usually i wouldn't care but atp whenever my family brings it up to show me or my achievements off it brings a bitter taste in my mouth because probably I don't deserve more than half of these achievements. I feel like I'm a fraud for not studying better or whatever

these exams and groupings made me realize like holy shit maybe I'm not that decent like what i thought i was!! these abilities that i thought were good? are fucking ASS. All those years of practicing this and that means nothing because its apparently wrong or I had the wrong concept this whole time but no one was there to tell me it was wrong nor did they even bother to tell me, probably doing it just to see my downfall!!!!!! too fucking bad my biggest hater is myself and they can't stoop lower than me self sabotaging myself

I hate this country and the stupid education system, it's bullshit holy fuck. Not only education is not hardly accessible, people think academics is everything now its painfully engraved into my head if i get a grade lower 90 or even get an 89 which im expecting to see on my card soon I'm a failure in life and I don't deserve this tuition fee to be paid and i should probably scrape the money to pay it myself because my mom is already a single parent struggling to put food on the table and my tuition doubles on the problems she has and im just!!!!! fucking useless!!!!!! I can't even do my part as a student nor as her child so what's the point anymore i should've just got hit or something, in fact im just waiting a horrible event occurs to me and i never recover and just pass away straigjt up

i hatehatehathtatttee this so much i hate being poor, i hate beinf stupid, i hate this life genuinely like i didnt even ask for this but whenever i say this i feel horrible because this was the life chosen for me and i feel like im offending my mother or the people who raised me because they tried their very best and i end up like this!!!!!!!! my exams scores r so bad i dont even think im smart anymore i should just zip my mouth and isolate myself from other people before i say anything I'd regret later which happens alot because there's times i dont know when to shut it or to speak and i watch my grades crumble because i dont know when is the right time to say something or stay quiet

What sucks too people are expecting me to have high grade, great achievements and whatever the fuck. My family and people in my life doesn't say it but i caaaannn feel the expectations because they've always seen me having these certificates I don't even deserve and they expect me to break the stupid generational curse of being poor or whatever and gets us out of poverty and im just!!!! HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHEN ALL OF MY OPPORTUNITIES I WASTE IT BY BEINF SO INDECISIVE OR I'M TOO POOR TO AFFORD SAID OPPORTUNITY.

oh to be a rich nepo baby at this point i dont care anymore i just want to hang myself let's see if I'll be admitted again by the end of the school year

oh u know i dont even think im good in anything i say like i say i like legos but i apparently take too much time and is too stupid to follow instructions or that one time where i claim im good in english then whenever i try to recite or whatever I'd get ridiculed like omfg!!!! is this even worth it??2?2?2?3 should i even TRY AT THIS POINT OH MY GOD????? and then when it comes to art or other aspects in my life i feel like its not even enough or its too fucking ugly like okmfmgmg theyre gonna try to sugar coat it "oh it isnt too bad!!!" shut UP it looks like i vomitted and tried to put glitter on jt its hideous why did i even

I can't becomr an artist, physicist, biologist or any of the dreams i want to pursue because im fucking horrible in everything u know maybe i shluld just KILLMYSE

[budgetbeastie]

A Guide to Creating a Personal Budget (3/3)

Tips, Tricks, and Tools

sometimes, we make a budget and it just doesn't seem to work for us. here are some common struggles we have when budgeting:

not keeping up with transactions as they happen

part of the budgeting process is upkeep - it's tedious and pretty unpleasant if you're using a software that requires you to manually copy and paste transaction info by keeping up with your transactions, you'll have a better understanding of what's going on when you're spending! i like to add transactions to my budget about every 3 days, or when I notice a bill should have come out money is scary, knowing that you're not quite making enough or that your payments are high is an intimidating experience. the point of the budget is to make room for yourself within your finances, and give you more freedom to make decisions that won't negatively impact you later

estimating using outliers

some months are more expensive than others, some are less expensive maybe in january you had to buy more food than usual, so you spent an additional $150. if you used this month to create your food budget, it wouldn't be an accurate reflection of what you need for food costs on a regular monthly basis it can be the opposite as well; maybe you only had to fill your gas tank once during november, and you usually fill it 2 or even 3 times. if you used this month to create your gas budget, you'd feel stranded after reaching your limit within the first two weeks!

not making changes when it doesn't work

because of the previous point, sometimes our estimations just don't work. if you're noticing that you're reaching some limits faster than others, adjust them as you go while trying to maintain as close to the same total expenses as possible. in our example, we had $2,400 worth of necessary expenses, with $130 going to cat food and $120 going to gas/transportation. halfway through the month, we notice that we've spent $80 on cat food so far (62%) but only 50$ on gas (42%) with a third of a tank left still. because we're keeping up with our transactions and tracking our budget, we know we can afford to add $20 to the cat food fund from the gas fund. now, instead of having used 62% of our cat food budget, we've used 53% and instead of having used 42% of our gas budget, we've used 50% these two percentages are much more reasonable for where we're at in the month!

budgeting software comes in all shapes and sizes

a popular way to budget is to use a spreadsheet, and there are a tonne of templates to choose from! (i'm currently working on a Google Sheets template that i'll post at some point)

if you're looking for something more app-like:

Rocket Money has both paid and free versions, i tried it and it's alright, but i definitely prefer my spreadsheet lol

YNAB is a paid app, so it's not really my style. i've heard it be compared to Mint (owned by Intuit/Credit Karma and is now shut down), but I haven't tried it... if you have, please let me know in the comments!!

EveryDollar is an app created by Dave Ramsey's company, who's become quite popular from his podcast.

at the end of the day, a budget isn't going to change anything in your life all by itself

but, if you give it time and some energy, get into the dirty parts of your finances, and set goals, you'll have a lot of success using one!

also u should show me your budget templates or tell me abt it in the comments!! thank you!!!

[thebookewyrme]

I have such guilt about asking for money right now, because according to my budget and the government, I am making enough money to live on and have some left over for other stuff. And yet here I am again with $15 to my name and another week until I get a paycheck. Which, like, mostly that would be fine because I have plenty of food in the house and I work from home so I don’t HAVE to go anywhere so gas needs are minimal and all my bills are paid. Oh wait except they’re not because I just got final notice before they’re sent to collections for two medical bills equaling $400, and they both had my old address cause they’re old bills so I didn’t get them right away so my grace period is already almost over and I need money TODAY to keep it. And one of them is CPAP supplies and they say they’ll stop allowing me to purchase supplies if I go to collections. But I owe everyone in my life who has any money so much money already. But I know there’s people trying to live on far less than I am and I feel like I’m scamming people by asking for money. But like. Ugh. It would take so little money to completely change my life.

Anyway, if you want and can afford to help me avoid collections, here’s my info. No pressure though.

Venmo: https://venmo.com/u/TheBookewyrme

PayPal: https://www.paypal.me/LiaWolff05

Cashapp: $TheBookewyrme

[ar-gos]

X is so fucking spoiled and I hope he has to move back to the shitty sticks into his grandma's moldy rotten house so she can pay all his bills just like she paid for all his groceries and all his fast food that he was constantly filling up the car with and his entire college degree and his rent and fucking everything. I hope she di4s tomorrow and he inherits all her properties and the taxes and the bills and the funeral costs and has to move to texas with his shitty mom and bratty siblings. I hope he gets fired again because he doesn't have any actual work ethicus or experience. I hope he loses everything in 2 months just like I did. Like I am so sorry healing is a process and I wasn't magically cured of my need to have a clean apartment in a year after 29 yrs of abuse and living in a trap house. How spoiled do u have to be to just decide that you can just stone wall ur friends and kick them out and destroy their lives because u think u shouldn't pick up after yourself??? He was obsessed with how I made more money than him when I work more and longer at the type of job that he quit after 1 shift because it was 'too hard'. Like I'm so sorry I tried to keep his spending to a minimum because I knew he made so little money so that he could ALSO spend 100 bucks every few months to put furniture in the apartment so we can sit on a couch and watch a tv that isnt on the floor. All he had to do was say 'I don't want to do chores please' and I would have said yeah okay I can manage and just judged him to my boyfriend. AND CONTINUED DOING ALL THE CHORES. X would text me about throwing up like I'd be sympathetic knowing I'd have to wash the toilet seat when I got home from my hard, long, shitty job before I could shit in my own toilet?? Like my dude you're a pig and a freak and a loser. Spoiled rotten. Wish I had a millionaire grandma to put me thru college and handle all the parts of life I don't like including the car buying process. All he had to do was talk to me and instead he ruined my entire recovery and now im going to not have rent on time for the next 2 months. I'm gonna bust my dick off at this new job until I can also afford a car that maybe isn't brand new and 50k but that will take me back to his town and hang out in all the places he goes until I run into him enough for him to not feel safe going to the gas station. Not to hurt him, just to fucking be where he's trying to be so he has to see me in my glow up and feel like shit. Maybe bring moony with me so he has to experience whatever chaos he was telling me about that his friend RAPING my bf was bringing to HIS life. I might sue. Maybe when I have the new job and a little saved up again I'll sue him for the wrongful eviction. I hope he cries

[lackadaisical-lesbian]

Self care is me deciding not to respond to the dude in my notes who thinks poor people stealing out of necessity is immoral

[writingforatwistedworld]

Uh h, happy birthday to me fjkekebrvjf-- u ye u said I could request so I will bfoenebbf,, thank u once again for that oml ilysm u the best <3<3<3<3

Anyway, what about Malleus, Azul and Vil reacting to the mc's birthday??? How would they celebrate it? Would they do anything special?? I've personally never had a birthday party dedicated to me myself n my friends tell me it's really sad- would they hold one for the MC on their birthday?? Would they give gifts?? (Self aware au btw pleas--)

To maybe summarise it, uhm, would the characters do a birthday party or anything else special to the MC if it was their bday?? Please I'm 18 now I want a birthday party dedicated to myself for once... thank u once again u made my day Veil fblenevfv--

Happy birthday! I wish you the best for the coming year! I'm sure that one day you can celebrate your birthday properly. Never give up on hope!

Self-aware au

I do not take any responsibility for you reading this no matter which age group you are from!

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, obsession, possessiveness, unhealthy relationship, death, murder, religion

Azul Ashengrotto/Vil Schoenheit/Malleus Draconia-Players birthday

No matter where you look the Overseers birthday was a worldwide event

And believe it or not but *gasp* he doesn't use this to earn money

Azul always loved it. Even when he was a child

The palace would always prepare a huge concert with a lot of good and way too expensive food people usually couldn't afford on a normal basis (which led to his early love for the day)

His mother, father and he would always bake a cake for you, putting it on the window still

Sadly they had to take it down since... well cake is made out of material which deteriorates you know...

Did he stop though when he was in Night Raven College?

Nope. Nu-uh. I would even dare to say that it's even more grand

Baking isn't exactly what he is best at but cooking... I think his food is better than anything the gods of Olympus could have whipped up

Well, from a darker perspective it is a lot of food waste but hey! Your birthday is only once a year so screw that

Jade and Floyd know that they should, no, have to make a wide circle around the desk those delicacies are standing on

Why? Well, there was once that first-year snatching something. It wasn't even much but... you remember those transformed merpeople in Urulas cave? Mhm and the rest is up to your imagination

And also a small hope is connected to this

He is doing so much for you. Doesn't that mean that he is worthy of you? Doesn't that mean he could have a chance? Please tell him!

When you logged in on your birthday he was saying his line calmly but on the inside he wanted to grasp through the threats which held him in place and hold you properly, tell you properly how happy he was

Members of the Octavinelle dorm know to get a present for you even if they have to sell a kidney

Wouldn't want to end up like the brother of the fool who snatched some of the food

Mhm Ursulas cave again but at least they have each other so that the neverending pain and taunting voice of their oh-so-generous dorm leader isn't too bad. Just bad enough to drive them insane of course

And if you were already in TWST then please, indulge a bit in what he prepared

Otherwise even I don't know what he would do

I think Snow White and the Fairest Queen have switched roles

Why? Well the sun rises, the birds are singing and Vil is opening the windows like some Disney princess, saying in a elated voice that today is the day of perfection

Vils morning routine is already taking (in my opinion) way too long and is way too polishing even for a model like him

But today? Ohboyohboyohboy....

All I am saying is that he went to bed the day before and woke up up three hours earlier than he usually would

The whole dorm looks like it's a mirror, that's how intense they scrubbed it to prepare for this day

Vil even paid Epel and allowed him to be a bit laxer in his skincare routine in exchange if the first year would use his apple carving skills for decorative purposes (jokes on us Epel still looks like he is ready to compete with a beginners model because this is the day and he wants to be good for you as well)

But what has he planned for the day?

Of course a celebration and when I say that those are real diamonds on that present over there's as mere decoration for the wrapping then I'm serious

The entire day Pomfiore is doing nothing else but praising your perfection and how wonderful you are that you allow them to celebrate this day as well

Not so low-key offended when he sees someone not celebrating your birthday

Well, suddenly he is using his special magic to make sure that they are celebrating or the poison will... shorten their life at midnight

But this isn't about him

This is about the perfect being from another world who was even capable of making the Fairest Queen bow in front of their perfection

Rook knows not to hunt today or rather not animals

You see Vil can poison as much as he wants but even a dorm leader runs out of juice for their magic sooner or later

And this is where Rook enters under the order of his Faires Queen

Now let's say you are already in their world

You are rich (if you weren't from Malleus before) is all I'm saying

This man has money and he will make sure to use it wisely (aka bury you in a mountain of stuff which would cost a normal person two hears of their payment)

But please don't deny him the joy of celebrating your birthday or greeting you on your birthday!

Otherwise he might think you have been dirtied somewhere and need some... polishing...

It's the Overseer birthday! Offer the presents to the church, pray so that they feel your well wishes and burn all the traitors!!!

And this, my dear friends, is how the Valley of Thorns celebrates your birthday

Malleus started to love this day very early in his life which leads to him putting it over his very own birthday

It was one of the few days he was able to have a proper meeting with his grandmother (even though they only ate dinner together and chatted about how great you are)

This was also the day he would hold a grand speech about your wisdom, your perfection and most of all how mighty you were

So, a hundred years later and they are sitting as students in a place filled with little children (in their eyes at least)

Well now they have a way smaller budget and also they are far away from home so they need to tome do-no

Malleus would rather stab himself in the heart with a sword than making any cuts on this day

Even though he can't just waltz up to a church here but that doesn't mean you will be any less praised

Finest silk, jewelry made from gold and much, much more are being bought by him only to be sent back home to the church

And the dorm? Well the dorm is... how do I say this without disturbing you?

Well they are... celebrating... not like the other dorm though...

You see, the other ones were already extra but this is Diasomnia we are talking about

Even if there would have been school on that day (which isn't because it's a holiday)they wouldn't have gone to class

Heck, they would have probably ripped of the Headmages head if that would have been the case

And when he was done saying his well wishes on his day he fell over like a Disney princess in those dramatic scenes

So now that we know how special they are let's talk about you being in their world on that certain day

If you really, really need to see what they have prepared for you then do it in a bush whilst watching from the distance

That's because they would take you and send you straight to the Valley because the celebration over there is, in their words, “more fitting for you”

Safe to say you won't return after that happened

Just enjoy the other dorms, smell the flowers and stay away from the green

Malleus isn't even angry because it's your wish not to participate in their celebration

“Lilia, is that Overseer in the bush? It is, right? Maybe they are just too shy to come to us. We could show them Briar Valley after making sure that they haven't been scratched from the twigs, right?”

[winslowat3am]

Do u give money to people on tumblr?

Short answer, no. I don't reblog those posts, either. Majority of them are scammers, bonus scamster points if they use their race/gender as emotional manipulation. (Rant incoming cause this pissed me off, not you, but it had me thinking about a lot of shit). I'm sorry but I could never be on Tumblr begging for money, that's embarrassing, no offense. I commend anyone who's shameless enough to do that cause in all seriousness, couldn't be me. I feel like there are just some things you shouldn't do & asking strangers, half of which are minors, to give you their hard earned money in trade for nothing is one of them. The victim mentality of "let me spam my followers with a bunch of sob story updates about my life's issues & guilt trip them into giving me cash", no. Leave them alone. That shit's annoying, inconsiderate & entitled. & it's always the same fucking people holding their hand out. The people you're begging for cash are more than likely struggling too & need theirs. Tumblr is the worst place to ask for assistance. If you need money then you should seek a financial aid program, or I don't know, log the fuck out & get a job like everyone else? That's what people who need money do. There's no excuse, I said this before & I'll say it again, making money nowadays is easier than it has ever been cause of access to technology. Everything is virtual. You can work from home. There are people making millions eating for a fucking living on YouTube. If you're broke atp it's cause you either make excuses for why you can't work or you're just lazy. It's a choice. You don't even need to physically go out & find a real job. Make something. Perform a service. Everyone has something they can offer. Don't sit there & expect people to pay you for nothing. I hate lazy ass people who wallow in self pity, make excuses & don't contribute anything to society & simply exist to leech off others. It's parasitic & pathetic. You "can't work", but you can play around on social media every day? Hmm. You deserve to live in poverty then. You're not special. You better sell some p-ssy, d!ck or c*ke. If you're bussing it open to everyone anyway you might as well get paid for it, in the words of my wife, "make it count". Seriously, I don't respect those people. Tumblr beggars are the equivalent of irl bums who loiter at gas stations harassing passersby for change. It's fucking irritating & unfair that we live in a world where weak people are rewarded, coddled, catered to & given breaks for doing nothing. "Oh well, you know, John can't work, he's dealing with a breakup that has him in a deep depression. I just- I don't know if his mental health will allow him to work." Bro, I sympathize but at the end of the day, screw John. He has no real problems. There are people with cancer & aids right now who are working. People with no limbs are working. He can work, he's physically able to, but ultimately he won't cause he's a mentally weak man with no drive. Let's just call it what it is. I've been homeless & depressed before, I dug myself out of that hole WITH NO HELP, if people can bounce back from homelessness, addiction, abusive relationships & rebuild their lives, if people with deformities can work there's no excuse for why these lazy asses are living in houses, have food & water, with themselves being the only person they have to take care of but they're on here begging us & living off the gov't. That shit IS sad. & I get so heated over this topic cause the bastards who log on & beg aren't going to log off fucking Tumblr & make adjustments so they can afford to live, they're not going to or offer an exchange, they'll continue to do this shit. In the comfort of their home. Meanwhile, the ones they beg have to scrounge. So no motherfucker, I can't help you spend my money. Follower counts mean nothing here cause nobody gets paid on this dead app, this ain't YouTube. If you have hella followers but you still can't eat or pay your bills it's a sign your priorities are fucked. Up. Your followers owe you nothing. Have a little pride & self respect.

[bellesowl]

kiss and make up

- multiple characters 

⤷ atsumu, sakusa

genre: (an attempt at) angst to fluff ; established relationship, timeskip 

synopsis: in which you have an almost relationship-ending argument

word count: 2.1k total - about 1k each

warnings: fighting (obv), being called a burden, the boys are kinda mean but they make up for it i swear

- a/n: tbh i was kinda getting sick of writing just fluff so i wanted to spice it up a lil! if this sucks i’m probably going to stick to fluff fics but i think it should be fine? this one also only has 2 characs cause idk how i would be at writing angst LMAO if this does well enough i’ll post the one i have written w kuroo and iwa <3 but i feel like this kinda sucks so oh well

- thank u @kybabi for beta-ing <3

- miya atsumu

you n atsumu have been together since high school which is why you’ve always been inseparable

you went to the same college & moved in together right after, but once he got his job with the jackals, he insisted that you didn’t work and focused on getting your master’s degree

you reluctantly agreed, if only to be able finish & earn your phd soon after

because atsumu is always busy, it’s kinda become commonplace for you to do the chores around the house- like doing the laundry or washing the dishes or cooking dinner for him

but it’s gotten to the point where he expects it

atsumu sighs, unlocking the door to your shared apartment. today’s practice was rough, it was a day of hard conditioning and bad sets and he wanted nothing more than a good meal and to cuddle. the first thing he noticed when he walked in was the mess. instant ramen bowls were scattered everywhere, empty coke cans and dirty napkins were all over the floor, and there you were, in the eye of the hurricane. the second thing he noticed was that there was no homecooked meal.

surprised, he walks into the dining room to see you, furiously typing away at your laptop with four different books surrounding you. you hear his footsteps and look up.

“hey baby! how was practice?” you ask with a smile

atsumu grunts in reply and gestures toward the kitchen, “so.. what’s for dinner babe?”

your eyes widen, “oh shoot! i’m sorry, i was so busy studying for this final that i forgot to cook. do you mind-“ you stop when you see him roll his eyes and head out.

“um, where are you going? you just got home?” you ask, following him.

“out. i have to get food somehow” he replies, “especially because my useless s/o can’t cook a goddamn meal for me” he mutters under his breath

you stop in shock because did he really just say that?

“i’m sorry, i don’t think i heard you right.” you start but he interrupts you

“i said, i have to go get food because someone is too busy to cook a goddamn meal. what do you even do anyways- well, besides spend my money? the least you can do is cook for me, god.” he finally turns to look at you but he feels his heart stop at the look on your face.

not wanting to escalate the situation any further, you try to calm him down, “tsum, hey, i’m sorry i forgot to cook okay? this is my last final before the year ends and i just can’t afford to fail it, so i’ve been studying all day. if you come back to the kitchen, i’ll make you something, okay?”

“i don’t want to eat your half assed attempt at a meal, y/n. the whole point is that you couldn’t get off your ass for an hour to cook when i make the money, i paid for the apartment, hell, i’m even paying for your school! is it really too much to ask for you to stop being such a burden and cook and clean everyday?” he fumed.

you gape at him, shocked that he would even say that. to hell with not escalating things

“at least i want to do something more with my life than hit balls around and retire at 35” you hiss, “and i do everything in this house! i do the laundry, i clean the bathroom, i cook - i do all the things you refuse to. and do i complain? no. i offered to get a job but you refused.”

you turn around to grab your laptop and your textbooks, “just- just do whatever the hell you want to, atsumu.” and with that you walk out the door.

atsumu’s heart drops when he realizes that you actually left. sure, you’ve had arguments here and there, but you’ve never left. he pulls out his phone to call you when he sees you’ve left yours on the counter. knowing there’s nothing to do but wait at this point, he begins to clean up and calls osamu over.

-

it’s already 3 am when you walk back into your apartment, and you blink multiple times when you open the door. it’s ... clean? you’re sure it was a mess when you left, so how would it be clean? you sigh, too tired to think about it more and walk into the kitchen. your eyes widen at the sight. not only is your favorite food on the stove, but there your boyfriend is, asleep on the dining table. you smile slightly, well that explains things.

“ ‘’mu, hey, wake up babe.” you kiss him lightly and shake him.

he grunts and sits up, “baby! i’m so so sorry for what i said. you are in no way, shape, or form a burden, i have no clue why i said that. today’s practice was just really tiring, but i know i shouldn’t have taken it out on you. just please-” he sighs, “just please don’t leave me again.”

your heart breaks your teary eyed boyfriend. “shh, of course baby. i’ll never leave you again okay?” you say, tugging on his arm, “cmon babe, let’s go to bed, okay?”

“mm okay my love.” he replies and practically pulls you into bed. “i love you, okay?”

“i love you too baby.” you reply

“to the moon and back?” he asks

“yeah, and to infinity and beyond.” you reply, your lack of sleep hitting you hard

“oh, i didn’t know i was dating buzz lightyear”

you let out a loud laugh and just like that you both fall into the same routine, love radiating off both of you in waves.

- sakusa kiyoomi

dating sakusa was,, challenging

it definitely took him a while to get comfortable with you

so you guys have been dating for a couple years now, and at this point he’s def clingy

however there still moments when he reverts to his old self

this just happened to be one of those times

“OUT! AND JUST LIKE THAT, EJP RAIJIN TAKES THE WIN AGAINST THE BLACK JACKALS!”

the stadium is silent before the ejp cheering section erupts in cheers. you stay silent, watching your team below. you watch as sakusa stills, still in disbelief. you make your way down, practically sprinting to your boyfriend.

he sees you on the sideline and makes his way over to you. you put on your biggest smile and attempt to make him feel better.

“you did great, kiyo! you’ll get them next time, yeah?” you beam, knowing how hard he’s been training to beat his cousin

he eyes you warily, not knowing what to say.

usually, sakusa gets pretty clingy after games, so you you move to give him a hug.

“don’t touch me” he barked, jerking away from you. “if you hadn’t been distracting me, we would’ve won.”

you stare at him, refusing to let the tears flow. you both turn when you hear a certain setter yelling at the opposing middle and you sigh.

“um, okay then. i’ll see you at home, yeah?” you ask

sakusa merely nods and makes his way over to his teammates. you look around to see if anyone saw what just happened and you lock eyes with your boyfriend’s cousin, who walks over.

“congrats on the win komori! you guys did so well!” you cheered

“thanks, y/n! and i’m sorry about kiyoomi. i’m sure you know he gets that way sometimes.” he explains

you smile and shake your head, saying that you’re used to it and you both bid your farewells. as you walk out of the stadium, you think back to how your boyfriend, the one person you loved with everything you had in you, utterly embarrassed you in front of his whole team. before you know it, silent tears start streaming down your face. 

you enter your home and immediately rush to the bathroom. you draw yourself a bath and make some dinner while waiting. you assume that kiyoomi wouldn’t be home to have dinner with you anyways- and now that you think about it, you can’t remember the last time you had dinner together. after you finish your bath and eat your dinner, you decide to wait up for boyfriend and watch a couple episodes of your favorite show to pass the time. 

-

kiyoomi walks into his apartment at around 1 am, completely and utterly exhausted. he kicks his shoes off and drops his bag on the floor. The rustling rouses you from sleep and you sit up.

“hey kiyo” you say with a yawn, “where’ve you been all night?” 

sakusa ignores you in favor of getting ready for bed and you frown when he brushes past you. 

“kiyo, babe, what’s wrong? you’ve been ignoring me all night and i-” you start but he interrupts you before you can finish. 

“god, just shut up, y/n. can’t you tell i don’t want to talk to you right now? i’ve already had the worst day, i don’t need you making it any worse.” he snaps

"kiyoomi, look, i understand you’re upset but you shouldn’t take it out on me.” you reason, reaching out towards him, “listen, i’m here if you wanna-” 

“i said, do not touch me.” he seethes. “you are so fucking clingy y/n, lord, let me breathe a little.”

with those words, you explode. “you know what, sakusa,” he flinches when he hears his last name come out of your mouth, “i think i have the right to want to spend some time with my boyfriend! i haven’t seen you in god knows how long- you leave before i wake up and i fall asleep in an empty bed. i’ve been working my ass off to get some time off to watch your stupid volleyball game and what do you do? you embarrass me in front of your whole team!”

you sigh, wiping away the tears that continue that continue to fall. “listen, i don’t want to fight right now. i’m going to go stay at a friend’s house for the night, alright? i’ll see you tomorrow” you say, grabbing your purse. “if you’re even home tomorrow,” you add under your breath.

sakusa is in shock. the moment he saw your tears start to spill, he felt an undeniable and unrelenting ache in his chest that only seemed to grow with every work that came out of your mouth. and when the door shut? sakusa fell on his knees, his heart dropping. he truly couldn’t believe he said that to you. now all he had to do was wait till you got home.

-

2:38 pm - you check the time on your phone before pulling out your keys. you hope you made the right move, choosing to come back home while kiyoomi was still at practice. you open the door and the sight causes your eyes to widen.

there, on the couch with your favorite flowers in hand, is your boyfriend. he hears the door open and stands up abruptly.

“y/n, my love, i am so sorry. i truly cannot express how horrible i feel, and i cannot begin to understand how you feel.” he takes a deep breath, seemingly holding back tears. “i- i do love you. i love you more than i’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life. i know i’m not the best at expressing it, but you mean the world to me- no, you are my world. without you, i don’t know what i would do. so please-” his voice cracks, “just, please give me another chance?”

you run towards your boyfriend, practically tackling him. “kiyo, baby, of course. i love you too, you know? you just can’t do that anymore, yeah? you shouldn’t feel like you have the right to embarrass me just because you had a bad day. and please, don’t call me clingy? i know i do stick to you like glue sometimes, but that’s just because i never see you anymore.” you reply.

“that will all change, darling.” he answers sincerely, “i’ll make more time for you, i swear. in fact, i’ll take the week off, how does that sound?” at the sight of your smile, he relaxes.

“that sounds wonderful, yoomi.” you answer

sakusa feels the weight that’s been dragging him down lift and he realizes the effect you have on him- you’re his breath of fresh air. he also realizes how utterly idiotic it was to push away the one person who could make him feel better.

it’s fine, he reasons, he’ll just never make that mistake again. he swears it.

[kannymaei]

The Perfect Girl - Chapter 1 (Kamisato Ayato x Reader)

Author’s Note: NO, I don’t hate Yae Miko or any of the characters! None of this is canon :D In addition, the characters mentioned in this series are all OOC!

Author’s Note 2: Please be reminded that this fanfic is Modern! AU and Highschool! AU and none of this are canons to the actual lore of Genshin Impact. I do not own Genshin Impact nor the characters that belong in the game!

Synopsis: You were a graduating high school student who somehow got involved in unfortunate events and transferred to another school, Teyvat International School. Due to your “complicated” physical features, you became the main target of the school’s “bully”, Kamisato Ayato! Together with his friends, Diluc Ragnvindr, Tartaglia, and Arataki Itto.

Word Count: 2.8k

Taglist: @frieschan​ @nejibot​

TW: Injuries (Burn, Sprained Ankle, Hair pulled until you almost lose it), Mentions of Vulgar words.

Masterlist

Next -> Chapter 2

"This is your schedule," said the man who calls himself Mr. Zhongli.

 "and this is your section,” said the woman who calls herself Ms. Ei.

 I was inches away from walking out of the headmaster’s room when my hand was grabbed by Ms. Ei. "One second Miss L/N, before you leave. Last time I saw you... You were quite... Small. You're so grown up right now, you look like your mother" she gave me a reassuring smile but... Ms. Ei saw me as a child?

 "H-hold on, Ms. Ei? You know my mother?—" Maybe curiosity does kill the cat when I was pushed away by Mr. Venti from the office by saying something similar to me knowing "enough". 

 It's around 1-2 hours before your first class starts so I assume everyone is on their break time. (I have the time of the world to explore this enormous school) you thought closing your eyes walking and entering the cafeteria. 

To your surprise, the school was offering different kinds of food from different countries starting from Mondsadt to Khaenriah. What caught your eye was the Katsu Sandwich and Onigiris, specialties from Inazuma since there is no better in this world other than sandwiches! You wondered how are you going to make friends when... You really feel awkward right now... Everyone is staring at you, after all, you are the rumored nerdy girl in the school. They haven't seen someone new for ages ago because it's an expensive international school. Only people who come from high statuses family can afford this kind of place to study.

"Please state your name," the lady in front of me said before handing me my sandwich and rice balls.

 "U-Umm. Y-Y/N... L/N" you said awkwardly because you can feel some of the eyes around staring at you. Very much oblivious to the pair of lilac eyes who only had his attention on you ever since you entered this hall. 

 "H-how much was it?" You were nervous! You don't know how this school works and you can't believe you're already embarrassing yourself just because you're hungry, tainting your first impression image. 

 "M-miss L/N?! You're an L/N!" She paid her respects to you by bowing her head down before lifting it up again. 

 "I-is there something wrong with my surname... Miss?" What just happened? Why was she surprised that I came from the L/N Family? 

 "Miss L/N, don't worry... You won't be paying for any of the foods and beverages here in the school. I'm pretty sure you already knew why" No I don't! Miss whoever-you-are-cashier... You're having so many thoughts about what's happening until someone tapped your shoulders making you look back to who was it.

"You're the new student right?" She's quite short and has blonde hair and yellow eyes. 

 "O-oh! My apologies, My name is Lumine and you're?"

 "Y-Y/N... L/N" you said processing that you're actually making a new friend at this school. 

"Follow me, let's eat together before our classes start," She said happily with her eyes closed and I followed her 

 "Lumine, stop right there. Just who do you think you are?" This is the same woman you saw earlier with the man who intentionally tripped you. 

 "I-I don't think we know each other..." 

 "Yes, a commoner like you doesn't need to know who I am," she said while rolling her eyes. "Oh, do you know why I'm here? I'm returning this bowl of ramen because I don't want it"

...

...

...

She just poured the hot bowl of ramen all over you from head to toe. It was piping hot that you could feel your skin burning. You could hear the whispers of the other students. 

Maybe Lady Miko doesn't like her at all? 

What a trash! 

She deserves it for crossing paths with her. 

 Maybe Lady Miko noticed how her suitor, Ayato was staring at her? 

 Oh, you're right! 

 "That's not very nice of you Miko," Lumine said and started to wipe your body with her handkerchief. 

 "L-lumine it's okay, I'll just go to the bathroom," you said.

 "Oops... I thought this was the trash can. Go off, Lumine. You don't need to help that trash, you by all people should know she isn't welcome here. What happened to our dear top students? Perhaps you had a change of heart?" She said then walked towards the man who tripped you earlier. 

 "Are you alright?" Someone approached you from the back and wrapped his hands around your shoulders. It was a tall red-head man, based on his looks, he expresses a very cold personality. 

 "D-diluc!" Lumine's eyes widened when she saw the man intervening with the scene Guuji Yae made. 

 "Bring her to the clinic for me, Lumine, thank you," He said and proceeded to hand you over to her. 

 Great, first day on this school then this happened. You wonder what else could go wrong after this. You came across the same said man and overheard their conversation.

--- 

 "That's so awesome Miko~," said the man who owns a pair of lilac eyes. 

 "So when are you going to say yes about me being your boyfriend? I've been chasing you for 3 years now.. you know" He held her hand and kissed it. 

 "A-ayato- y-you know that's a little too early! W-we're still studying you know..." Said Yae Miko who's now all red and a little flustered.  

--- 

 "What's with them Lumine?" Yeah, what's with the both of them. They seem to dislike you that much by tripping you over and then pouring a hot bowl of ramen on your whole body. 

 "It's the power couple of the school! Kamisato Ayato and Guuji Yae" Lumine said with her eyes gleaming like the stars. "Kamisato Ayato has been chasing Guuji Yae for almost 3 years now! But everyone sees them as the power couple because no one seems to court Guuji Yae out of fear since Kamisato Ayato confessed his love for her! It's like they're already in a relationship even if Guuji Yae hasn't said yes to him" She added. 

"Maybe Miko got mad at you because her suitor was staring at you since you came in here." Ayato was staring at you? But why would she get mad and hurt you physically just by all that? 

---

"Looks like your little Miko got a little jealous when she noticed you've been staring at the new girl~" 

"Why would she be jealous, Childe?" Ayato finally faced Childe who was behind him giving him a smug face. 

 "Oh~ probably because you had your eyes towards another girl? Hm?" He added 

 "She's ugly— huge glasses, thick eyebrows, and a messy hair bun. She's like a girl who can't even do simple makeup" Ayato said annoyingly to the ginger head. 

 "No she's not, she's... quite amazing" A short response coming from the one and only Diluc Ragnvindr. 

"Yeah what the hell was that? Diluc?" 

 "Childe, you know, he's starting to act cool around the new girl since this man never had a girlfriend," Ayato said provoking Diluc. 

"Why did you tell Miko to pour that bowl of Ramen at her? Ayato for god's sake! We're already graduating, I'm pretty sure you don't want to do something that would expel you from this school even if the Kamisato Family has its own shares in this school? What would your sister say if she finds out her brother is bullying someone again? I'm very delighted to know what her reaction would be once she gets to know her brother broke his promise" Diluc said while looking into Ayato's eyes. No signs of compassion were seen on his own and walked away from the school rooftop. 

 "He actually has a point, you did promise your sister you wouldn't do anything crazy again in your last year of high school... Maybe it's best if you just stop right now. You wouldn't know what the future would give you. Only god knows if the moment you saw her, you fell in love with her? Hm?" Childe said and followed Diluc downstairs. 

"Fall in love with a trash like her? Plus I didn’t tell her to do it, she poured the ramen all by herself” Ayato leaned towards the balcony of the school’s rooftop.

“What’s with her anyway? Where did she have the courage to answer me as if she didn’t know who am I? She even had the nerve to call me an inconvenience” He added while staring at this so-called girl coming out of the clinic with Lumine.

(Annoying, very annoying. I’m sorry Ayaka, promises are always meant to be broken. Might as well enjoy this last piece of entertainment given to me by the gods) He thought and ran downstairs to follow his friends.

---

“Ayato is evil! Don’t be bewitched by his looks Y/N!” Lumine said while holding my burnt hand that is now wrapped with bandages.

“He has been known to push people to their limits until their human body can no longer handle it and decided to transfer back again to their local high school... and it looks like you were his new target... Stay strong Y/N... I believe in you... We never had any new students ever again because of him, no one dared to report it because he is from a rich family. Money can sometimes buy everything you know? That’s why he always gets away with it” Lumine said cheering me up with her fists clenched. 

“Whatever he is, I am strong so he can come at me anytime he wants and he will fail miserably. All I have to do is hurt his little ego~.” You said while smirking at Lumine as if you have an evil plan on your mind.

“Scary Y/N! Kyaah!” she said as she tries to run away from you. 

“I’m just joking Lumine~,” you said and the two of you laughed together as you return to your classrooms for your classes.

 ---

“My name is Y/N L/N” you bowed down in front of your class.

“Now Miss L/N, you may sit on that vacant space next to Mr. Kamisato” Ei smirked at you as if she knew what was between the two of you. Was there really something between you and Ayato? You’re pretty sure that there was none because all he did for the rest of the day is trip you off him and ordered his girlfriend to pour down a bowl of ramen at you.

“Ms. Ei, I refuse to oblige with her sitting beside me” The man raised his hand with a confused look.

“Why is that Ayato? Is there something wrong with a new student sitting beside you?” Ms. Ei gave him a serious look, hinting that he’ll be in trouble if he deny her request since he is her student.

“I... don’t have anything against...her.” Ayato didn’t have a choice but to agree since he saw the glare that Ei gave him. 

“If he doesn’t want her sitting beside him then I’ll gladly accept her as my seatmate, Ms. Ei” Diluc raised his hand for his request which made Ei a little happy because she needs to watch over Iliya’s daughter (A/N: Iliya is the name of Y/N’s mother!)

“N-no! I’m very fine with her sitting beside me, no need for her to sit beside Diluc!” Ayato shouted as if he was in a rush before the final decision was made and the whole class is now staring at him because of the words that came out of him.

What?

Y/N is gonna be so dead if Guuji Yae was our classmate-

Suddenly, Ayato wants a trash like her to sit beside him?

Didn’t Diluc save her from embarrassment when Guuji Yae poured down that hot bowl of ramen?

She’s not even beautiful compared to Guuji Yae, she’s a nerd ugly piece of trash

The first day of school and now she’s being a whore towards Ayato and Diluc, what a SLUT-

“ENOUGH!” Ei slammed down the blackboard eraser averting the attention of the students at her.

“Y/N, kindly sit beside Ayato whether he likes it or not”

“O-okay” You agreed with her and walked towards the seat next to his. You could feel your classmates gaze upon you as if they wanted to crush you down.

“I guess you’ll have to see me every now and then for the whole school year. I’m Y/N and this is the first time we ever talk to each other properly” You said giving him a peace sign.

“Ayato, and I don’t like you” He answered you without even looking at you, he just kept staring at the window. Out of curiosity, you also leaned at the window having you and his body near each other. 

“You like her right?” You asked him but you didn’t receive any replies from him.

(Tsk... She has a strawberry scent, I thought poor people can’t afford to enroll at a school like this?) He thought to himself completely disgusted at you.

---

Class hours ended before you even knew it and you met an unexpected girl while you were fixing your things at your locker.

“I heard what Miko did to you earlier~”

“No one can snatch Ayato from her”

“I don’t know about snatching someone from her, please leave me alone,” You said without turning your back and proceeded to go downstairs when-

You just got pushed downstairs by the girl talking to you. You’ve been feeling pain from your back to your legs- did you just sprain yourself? 

(That really hurts) You thought to yourself.

The girl who was talking to you followed you downstairs slowly until she finally reached you and leaned toward you.

“Poor thing, this is what happens when you fight back against Miko,” she said.

“Y-You! You pushed me down the stairs!” You grabbed her by the collar and slapped her so hard that her face reddened. 

“H-how dare you to touch my face!” She screamed that made you worried a little because people are going to look at the mess you got yourself again for the third time in one day. 

“S-sara what’s wrong?!” A man showed up, he probably came from one of the rooms, perhaps her classmate. He has white long hair and looks like a gangster?

“YOU!” he grabbed you by your hair.

“S-she slapped me Itto-” Sara whined at him and showed him her reddened face.

“HOW DARE YOU SLAP HER! Let go of her collar Ugly Shit!” You let go of her collar as you could feel your hair and scalp separating from each other. Other than that you also have a sprained ankle you need to worry about.

“E-enough Itto-” Sara begged and he finally let go of his hand to your hair.

“I’ll get back at you for slapping her. Ride by back Sara, I’ll carry you to the clinic” He gave Sara a piggyback ride and left you alone at the staircase.

“Need help?” A familiar voice ranged through the hallway.

“D-diluc?! N-no! I didn’t mean to slap-” Your voice was cut off by him placing his index finger on your lips.

“You’re very much hurt right now and it would be inappropriate for me if I wouldn’t help you right? Don’t worry Y/N I heard everything and your secrets are safe with me” Without hesitating, he carried you in a bridal manner. Your face reddens as you get closer to his face giving you the chance to admire him. 

“D-diluc! What will the other students say if they saw us here?” 

“What would they say anyway? I’m going to bring you to the hospital and not the clinic you know? You’ll meet Sara and Itto there and I don’t want to leave you alone with them. Only god knows if those injuries would worsen.” He smiled at you and proceeded to walk in the school’s corridors. 

You closed your eyes while he was walking with a straight face as the two of you overheard the murmurs of the other student. They are definitely talking about the two of you.

This is new...

I’ve never seen Diluc carry a girl.

I want to have my ankle sprain too so I can get carried by him!

Y/N you one lucky whore!

---

The two of you walked down to the parking area of the school. Diluc helped you get in his car and then drove you to the school’s hospital to treat you for your injuries.

Not being aware of the same lilac eyes that always had his attention on you since the very start of the day. He watches you from afar being carried like a bride by his best friend as he carefully brings you inside. Ayato is truly wondering about what he’s feeling right now about you and Diluc.

Next -> Chapter 2

[myherowritings]

hearts intertwined | t.s.

— You and Todoroki have been roommates for months now but have barely had more than a two minute conversation. When quarantine hits and everyone is on lockdown, you find yourself forced to spend more time with him and actually end up...enjoying it? 

pairing: todoroki shouto x reader word count: 3,055 genre: roommate au, pro hero!shouto, fluff warnings: suggestive content, 16+, mc and todo are both mid-20s

a/n: this is written as part of the crackhead sanctuary’s server collab! (pls excuse my server name lmfdkgfdg i have terrible naming skillz) i hope y’all enjoy and pls lmk what u think!! xx sof

In many ways, Todoroki Shouto was the perfect roommate. 

He cleaned up after himself, always made an extra serving of food and set it aside for you (though it may only have been because he sucked at measuring out ingredients rather than him intentionally planning on leaving you leftovers), and generally kept his volume to a minimum when entering the apartment at ungodly hours of the night. 

There was also the fact that he was the most attractive person you had ever shared a living space with in your life, and seeing him shirtless on his way to his bedroom from the bathroom was a definite bonus.

But despite all that, he was never someone you considered yourself close to.

You needed help paying for rent and expenses and he happened to be a friend of a friend of a friend who was looking for a place in the city to stay. Call it a divine intervention, a gift from the gods, or even fate… But you still wouldn’t consider yourself his friend.

It wasn’t as if you didn’t want to befriend him--Todoroki seemed like a sweet person. It was more along the lines of neither of you having the time. While you spent most of your day in the lab studying and doing research, Todoroki was always working in his office or out in the field to fulfill his new hero duties. 

This quarantine was probably the first opportunity either of you had to be in the same building for more than thirty minutes at a time. Which was why, as the two of you sat side-by-side on the living room sofa, no one knew exactly what to say.

“So, the weather--”

“Looks warm out--”

Both of you opened your mouths and shut them at the same time.

“Sorry,” Todoroki said with a small smile. “You first.”

“I-- Oh… It was nothing,” you managed, clearing your throat in an attempt to compose yourself. “Just trying to make some small talk.”

With a tight-lipped smile and wide eyes, you slowly craned your head away from his view. Who admits they’re trying to make small talk? That breaks all the rules of how to properly talk to someone.

The faint sound of the television playing old infomercials buzzed in the background while you and your roommate sat in silence. You never struggled to talk to him during those brief moments of passing, so why now? 

Looking at the screen to pass time, you noticed an outdated commercial of an older Tamagotchi game playing and felt yourself breaking out into a grin.

“Aw, I miss that game!” you cried as you turned to Todoroki with an excited glint in your eye. “Don’t tell anyone, but in elementary school I used to play it in class and since I was such a goody two-shoes, the teacher never suspected a thing.”

He raised an eyebrow in response. “I see we have ourselves a rebel in disguise here.”

“It’s our little secret, though. To everyone else, I am the epitome of innocence.”

You couldn’t help but notice the way his gaze travelled down your body and lingered on where the fabric of your oversized pajama shirt stopped and the expanse of your thigh started. 

“Sure. I believe you,” he said in what was almost a teasing tone. 

You felt your face growing hot but you paid it no mind. 

“As you should,” you sniffed, crossing one leg over the other haughtily. When he chuckled, you turned back to him. “How about you? Are you a secret bad boy who played with his Tamagotchi in the back of class?”

Todoroki shook his head. “I never had one. I actually never even knew what it was until high school, I think.” 

“Really?” Your eyes widened. Sure, the hand-held game was marketed to girls, but to never have heard about it through your whole childhood? You weren’t sure how that was possible. “Not even your older sister had one?”

Now, you didn’t know much about his personal life (whether or not he was dating someone, if he slept on the left or the right side of the bed, which leg he put in his pants first, et cetera), but you did pick up on a few things about his siblings from the previous interactions you’ve had with him.

“Not to my knowledge,” he said, looking away thoughtfully. “My father never afforded us such luxuries.” 

You frowned. “What about toys like Pokemon? Oh! Or Yu-Gi-Oh cards?”

“Yu-Gi-Oh cards?” repeated Todoroki slowly, as if he was unsure what you were talking about.

Your jaw dropped in disbelief. “You never played--? Oh, never mind. How about family games like Twister or Just Dance?” 

As far as you were aware, Todoroki Shouto came from a rather affluent family. So it was a wonder why he never participated in at least one of these experiences that characterized a whole generation’s childhood.

Again, he shook his head. “Never did those either. I wasn’t exactly allowed to play with my siblings, let alone other kids my age. My father always made me prioritize my training.” 

“That’s not right of him.”

You winced. Of course he never had the opportunity to have a “normal” childhood. How could you be so insensitive? It was no secret Endeavor had a troubled relationship with his family, but you weren’t exactly sure to what extent. You didn’t focus much on the whimsical world of heroes and, ever since you were a child, you know you wanted to pursue the field of research rather than use your quirk. The lives of heroes--even top ranking ones--was something you never paid much attention to. Still, even you have heard some gossip about the estranged Endeavor. 

“Sorry for pressing you,” you said, toying with the hem of your shirt. “I didn’t mean to be so insensitive.”

He gave you a nonchalant shrug and a small smile to let you know it was okay.

“Don’t worry about it, Y/L/N. You didn’t mean to,” he comforted. “Besides, it’s been a long time. It would be useless to hold a grudge against my father for this long.”

You tilted your head to the side. “Forgiveness, huh? That’s very mature of you, Todoroki. I think I admire you.”

His shoulders moved upward in silent laughter. “Thank you. I admire you, too.” 

Ignoring the faint heat you felt in your cheeks, you beamed. “Thanks. Anyway-- You know what I just realized?”

“What?”

“You did not have a childhood.”

While his face remained passive, you could have sworn you saw his eye crinkle in amusement.

“I suppose I can’t argue with that,” he said in agreement. “My youth was spent quite differently than most.”

You nodded profusely. “Right. And while I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with that, per se, it could be beneficial to do these things you haven’t had the chance to!”

He examined you curiously as you bounced up from your seat on the sofa with an excited grin. After a few moments of silence, he craned his neck, prompting you for clarification.

“You’re bored on lockdown, I’m bored on lockdown,” you stated matter-of-factly. “What better time to reclaim your childhood than now?”

Todoroki didn’t bother to hide the small smile making its way across his face at your determined words. “Okay, then. Count me in.”

- - - - -

When you decided you wanted to help your new friend Todoroki reclaim his childhood, you expected your days to be full of cute Beanie Babies and Webkinz, as well as the presumed amounts of chaos that followed edible bubbles and candy kits. And while the first few days of the week consisted of that, the tone changed rather drastically when a certain game was introduced. Of all things, what you expected least was to be practically panting on top of Shouto as you braced your muscles and tried not to collapse onto him.

“Left hand, blue,” he called after flicking the spinner. 

How he managed to turn the spinner with one hand and keep his body balanced with the other on a Twister mat without toppling over was a mystery to you.

Stupid heroes with their stupid, bulging muscles, you thought crossly as you relived your many previous losses. You tried to ignore the bead of sweat dripping down your face as you struggled to stay up. 

Somehow, you turned your head just enough that you had the perfect view of Todoroki’s flexed triceps as he held himself in a modified pushup position of sorts. There was a look of concentration on his face and, while you found his furrowed brows to be rather cute, you still couldn’t help but focus your attention on his arms. He had a lean type of muscle that you thought would feel especially comfortable wrapped around your waist-- 

“Y/L/N, do you forfeit?” 

You blinked, feeling lightheaded both from this game which you lacked the stamina for and from the lack of oxygen that travelled to your brain as you held your breath while staring at Todoroki. 

Once your mind processed his words, you huffed. “Forfeit! Me? Never! Why would you think that?”

“Because I called ‘left hand, blue,’ minutes ago and you still haven’t moved.” 

Blood rushed to your face and you were thankful you had the exertion to blame it on. It wasn’t your fault Todoroki’s arms were so toned and strong and...distracting.

“No,” you said, unsure if there was even a question asked for you to reply to. “I don’t quit!”

Your eyes scanned the mat feverishly, looking for a blue circle to place your left hand on that would cause the least amount of strain. Shouto had already won the first two rounds and you’d be damned if you were to let him win again. (As much as you loved witnessing him succeed, your pride would simply be too hurt if you lost a third time in a row.) 

“Find a spot yet?” he asked in amusement. “I’m not sure how much longer my arms can hold.”

Of course, just the mention of his arms drew your attention from finding the optimal Twister position to staring stupidly at his triceps again.

As you attempted to tear your gaze away from him, you spotted hints of a smirk lingering on Todoroki’s face.

Did he notice your staring? There was no way… 

You looked at him, wide-eyed and dubious, and almost choked when you saw his shoulders start to shake as he tried to hide his laughter.

His laugh was muffled by his shirt in an attempt to keep his volume down, but it still rang rich and deep in the air. It was the first time you heard him laugh like that and you wanted to do anything to hear it again. 

With a shake of his head, he removed his hands from their spot on the Twister board and sat upright beside you.

“I concede,” he said when he saw you eyeing him with curiosity. “You win this round. My arms were getting too sore.”

After hearing the sweet sound of Todoroki saying, “You win,” you let yourself collapse on the floor, rolling onto your back to get a clear view of your cream-colored ceiling.

“For some reason, I sincerely doubt that your arms were getting sore,” you said, stretching your own--genuinely sore--arms out in front of you. “But seeing as I was about to fall flat on my face if I waited any longer… Thank you for conceding.” 

“Doubt I’d be sore?” he repeated, craning his neck to peer down at your face. He placed his left hand on his right bicep and gently massaged it with his thumb and forefinger. “What for?” 

By then, whatever rational thought was left in your brain had been fully replaced by Shouto’s arms and Shouto’s arms only, and you couldn’t even complain. 

“Mmm, what did you say again?” You blinked, clearing your throat. You suddenly had the desire to chug a cool glass of water.

Todoroki’s only reply was another small--almost imperceptible--smirk. It would have been easy for someone to miss, but to you, someone who was perhaps being more attentive to their roommate and newfound friend than they’d care to admit, it was clear as day.  

“You’re totally messing with me!” you groaned, covering your face with your hands as you continued to lie with your back on the floor. “Aren’t you?”

He let out a breathy laugh and shrugged, the corners of his lips quirking upwards. “Sorry. It’s just cute seeing your reactions. I didn’t know you liked my arms so much.”

You could’ve sworn he flexed once more for dramatic effect and an indignant squeak escaped your mouth.

“I-I don’t!” you protested, making sure to look anywhere but his arms. “I just never noticed how...proportionate they were before! Just thinking about how da Vinci would admire them. For scientific purposes, of course.”

“Sure.” 

You gaped at the knowing look on his face. “How did you even notice? Aren’t you a bit of the oblivious type?” With wide eyes, you slapped your hand over your mouth. “Wait-- I’m sorry. That was rude to say.”

Todoroki waved it off with a smile to show he wasn’t offended in the slightest. “I guess I was rather oblivious in the beginning of high school. But as I grew up I became more accustomed to picking up on such things.” 

You hummed in silent contemplation. Of course he had to have grown used to people making moon eyes over him. He probably got it all the time.

“I usually pay it no mind,” he continued as he stood up, peering down at you sprawled out on the floor. “But when you do it, I find it sort of cute.” 

As if he didn’t just say something that caused your heart to skip a beat, Todoroki extended a hand out to help you up.

Ignoring the heat rushing to your cheeks, you gently placed your hand in his.

“Thanks,” you murmured as Shouto pulled you off the mat and towards his body, a feeling of lightheadedness overcoming you at the sudden motion.

One hand held yours while his other was placed firmly above your elbow to help you steady yourself.

“You okay, Y/L/N?” he asked, a hint of concern in his voice as he watched you regain your balance.

“Oh, yeah! No worries. This happens all the time, to be honest,” you admitted, vaguely taking note of how your chest was almost fully pressed against his. “Whenever I move my head too fast I get a bit dizzy. And whenever I stand too fast my knees sort of just crack.” 

Your words did nothing to soothe the worried furrow between his brows.

“Is...Is that not normal?” 

He blinked.

You grimaced. “Okay. Guess not. Maybe I need to work out more.” 

“You can work out indoors with me,” Todoroki suggested with a small smile. He looked so sincere you were just about to agree until he opened his mouth for a second time-- “As long as you don’t spend the whole workout gawking at my arms.”

With an indignant cry, you pulled yourself away from his loose grip, face burning with such intensity you wouldn’t be surprised if he were able to sense the rise in temperature. “I never gawked at your arms.” 

He hummed. 

“Well, okay, maybe I did,” you relented with a huff, bending down to fold up the game mat in front of you. “They look very strong. Being a hero must be hard work.”

Todoroki shrugged, helping you clean up. “It’s worth the toll it takes. I can imagine your research requires hard work too.” 

You tried to hide the look of surprise on your face. You briefly talked to him about what you did during the roommate-finding process, but you didn’t think it was anything interesting enough for him to recall. It brought an odd warmth to your stomach knowing he cared enough to remember. 

“I guess. But I’d say it’s nowhere near as difficult as hero work,” you brushed off. “Not everyone has what it takes to be a good hero.”

A faint blush colored his cheeks as he followed you into the kitchen for a glass of water.

“There are lots of great heroes,” he stated, filling up two cups and handing one to you. 

“Yeah, there are. And greatness is one thing, but you’re a good one-- In the heart.” Your gaze flitted to his, unsure why you were filled with the sudden urge to have such an intimate conversation after a game of Twister. Still, you rolled with it. “I know we haven’t talked much prior to this lockdown...but even I can tell how caring you are. And I’m looking forward to getting to know you more.” 

A comfortable silence filled the air as he took a seat beside you. If Shouto was taken aback by your sudden compliment, he did a good job at hiding it, simply giving you a small smile as he let his shoulder rest against yours. You glanced over at the point of contact and bubbled with elation. 

“Todoroki?” you called quietly, the edge of your pinky brushing against his. 

He looked down at the gentle touch of your hand and didn’t move away. Instead, he took the initiative and placed his fingers on top of yours, his hand surprisingly soft despite the calluses on his fingertips. The back of your neck heated at the sudden movement, but you decided you rather liked how his hands felt on yours. 

“Hmm?” 

“Thanks for letting me drag you along to play these childhood games,” you said, letting out a sigh of contentment. “It’s a nice change of pace while we’re stuck indoors.”

Shouto shook his head. “I should be the one thanking you. These are much better childhood memories than the ones from my actual childhood,” he admitted with a light laugh. “I’m glad we had the opportunity to spend more time together, Y/L/N.”

By now your fingers were intertwined with his, his thumb lightly stroking the peak of your knuckle.

He continued, “I hope this continues even when quarantine is over.” 

“I hope it does, too.” You couldn’t stop the grin from spreading wide across your face as you nuzzled your head on his shoulder. “Let’s keep making memories together, okay, Todoroki?”

“Happily.” 

[myhalloweendreams]

I’m feeling bad about myself so I guess I’ll get in a pity time rant... sorry about that and please ignore this post

This is just me letting out some of my sorrows... I guess missing my therapy this week bc I was too focused on work didn’t help at all so I’ve to let it out

Well I’m feeling like shit bc I cant afford to live... Yay!! (life is hell too, but mostly bc of money and tiredness)

Get in the line, right?

So many people are going through this, I should stop mopping about it... I truly feel bad about being like that

like yeah u’re fucked, but if this is all u think about, will it solve anything? It ain’t, right? and I know that, i do, but still I’m always so terrified and concerned about everything and what the fuck i’m gonna do

I feel like a freaking burden and an incompetent adult... like this job doesnt pay me enough for surviving, but it isnt even a minimum age job and I really cant get anything better, I dont have enough qualifications or experience for getting anything else even in the same payment range

I work a lot, I don’t get paid enough and to help all that I have no day for receiving my payment ... it’s already the 11th day of the month and I didn’t get my payment yet, last month I receiveid my payment at the 27th of the month so I’m always stressed about if i’ll have money to pay my bills before their due date

I’m also always stressed that I’ll lose this job too... I’ve no way to surviving without it...Yay!!! How fun!!!

I eat awlfully bad and basically every single person in my life is concerned about it, but 1 i dont know how to cook and yes i know that i could look it up recipes in the internet and try until I get it right, but that get me to my second problem:

I dont have enough energy to try... I literally live all my days without energy

stress + an anxiety disorder + depression + bad eating habits + not being in the sun ever + no exercising + terrible sleeping quality = me feeling like shit and always tired as fuck every single day of my life

what gets me to not having energy even for the most simple tasks, including cooking, showering, brushing my teeth, etc.... I cant be trust even to eat, sometimes i dont even have enough energy to freaking eat

I’m always concerned about not having enough money to pay my bills + my meds + food + the least of my cat’s necessities + the house things i have to buy interchangeably with my roommates... and i dread having to ask for help of my family bc it feels like a certification of failure

I’m so out of it that I’ve medical exams requests pilling up, bc even tho my aunt decided pay a health insurance for me (god bless her soul), bc she was concerned about me, doing the exams mean that I’ve to pay for go there and comeback + whatever meds or wtv they ask for wtv they find wrong.... so i dont go + I’ve little to no energy to deal with it

I mean i have a pain in my jaw, that I’m pretty sure that i displaced, for more than 4 weeks and i didnt go to look it up bc i know i cant afford wtv they ask me to do  about it... I literally am in pay all day, every day at least an mild way, in a good day and eating and opening my mouth hurts like hell, but here i am just pretending nothing is happening, bc u know, poor people cant afford getting hurt

Dude, I was even like “I’ll go to a nutritionist to learn how to drink less milk so I can save money” but then i learned that i cant just get an appointment with one, i’ve to go to another doctor and this doctor has to give me an referral to go to them... I dont have enough energy for that... common help a bitch out

How much I’m trying to save up? 

I avoid to take meds so I dont finish them and have to buy more... headaches, flu, stomachache, diarrhea or wtv only gets to be treated with meds if it doesnt go away by itself

I count my meds so i can make my psychiatrist  appointment when it’s about to end so I dont have to buy different meds and waste the ones I already bought bc he changed them for others... are the actual ones working perfectly? probably not, but at least I wont lose money with that

(they change my meds a lot bc everything seems to stop making effects on me or at very least not making enough effects T-T )

My family wants me to buy hair supplements bc I’m getting more and more bald... i dont have money for that sweeties lol

like genetically i’m supposed to have not that much hair, but u add the stress, the anxiety and the depression to it and u get me losing more and more hair, to the point i have some bald spots and need to get my hair in some specifc ways so they dont show... Yay me³ !!

(for my family: please sweeties stop caring, i cant afford shit)

Ohh I forgot to metion, my job (home office) that doesnt pay me enough to survive normally now wants me to go to the office for meetings so lets add more travel fees to the already overpast budget

since i’ve all that going on my skin is terrible bc u know it doesnt really answers well to all that... so I’ve bad hair, bad skin, not enough money to surviving (what is leisure? I’ve no idea of what it’s to do anything for fun... i cant afford such a thing lol), enough stress, anxiety e depression to make be in the very edge + u know all the health stuff not being look up and no energy

i dont know whats peace of mind for so long now that I’m losing it, but at least I’m doing it with a smile in my face so at least my family doesnt feel burdened lol

so I guess i’m doing peachy and everything is okay lol

Well at very least I’ve my Agatha... she’s the bright side of my life

the little meow meow keeps me haging there, my baby girl is an angel and i love her with all my heart

*Me having a hard time at working*: look at my cat and go “well, I’ve to pay ur food sweetie potato... so let’s keep going”

*me not wanting to get out of bed*: remembers I’ve to feed my baby and attend to it and get up graciously as a freaking zoombie but i do

and so on

-----------------------------------------

Well, well, well... now that I started to talk about Agatha, let it out and I cried a river I’m felling a little better

So since I’m using this as a adjunct therapy or somenthing I guess I feel like doing smt every therapist told me to do but I didnt do bc I felt like it would just make me feel worse, bc I cant have it... making a list of things I would want

I guess the first thing would be: be capable to pay all my things without problems. U know? not having to get worried about money 

the second would be: be able to upgrade the things I use in my daily life

the third: be able to give Agatha all the things I think she would like... treats, the best cat food, environmental enrichment and anything and everything she shows interested in

fourth would be: probably buy the things I like or want just bc I want to , without worrying about expending money... what totally includes buying things for all the people that I care about to my hearts content and giving them (or sending them) all the things that make me think of them and giving money to all the people that i cross asking for it or working in the crossroad

- maybe taking care of the health things that have to be taken care of (it should be somewhere in the list i guess) lol

- do things for fun

- learn things for pleasure

- buy things for and do diy things ( i love to create and to do new things)

- learn new languages... like a new one every time I finish the last one

- relearn Interior Design stuff and learn Graphic Design (i love do things in the computer)

- have a job that I like... I mean I really like (and I know that even like what u do u dont like it every day but still can u imagine working in something that makes u want to get up in the morning happily)

- retrieve my reading ability and read a lot (buy all the books that catch my eyes *---* )

- getting to know more awesome people

- learning physical things that I find cool (like i dont have any affinity with anything physical, I have no strenght either, I also have labyrinthitis what makes me give every time I try)

- buy my mom and my mom a house and give them enough money that they dont need to be worried about bills anymore (well this is probably higher in the list but since is a bigger thing I only thought about it now lol )

- taking care of my apparence I guess... I mean I would love to be able to dress in a way that i like and really be able to try things and find my own style but it would be cool to try to take care of own self too i guess... I’m not much but I guess with money and effort even I could get better, I mean my best can not be the best but still my best

- living in nice place that i’m not scared of being thrown out at any minute (renting a room in a strangers place is very worrisome) 

- OMG!! I just thought it: Go visit my international friends !!!! *----* (this one is hella important)

- do something praise worth

- have a little waterproof portable speaker so i can hear music while showering 

edit: somewhere in the begginig would be not being tired and not feeling miserable all the time, getting over my social phobia, stop having panic attacks, not driving myself insane with anxiety and intrusive thoughts, having my attention spam back, get over my body dysmorphia ... I went all for material things and forgot some pretty important stuff

This list didnt get not even close of the right order lol

it just went in the i just thought about it order lol

I guess I cant think of anything anymore... I’m already tired of dreaming of things I cant have lol 

but it was kind of fun think about nice things

[matsufucker]

Uhh, Sorry for the boring ask,so-- First Date with matsunos?

NON NON my sweet anon, the first request was a delight to answer, I had a lot of fun looking up playlists and seeing what would fit the matsubros! I apologize for being a lame square that is too shy to sing lol. I may or may not be trying to develop an Oso playlist as we speak. :3c

I got a bit carried away, these were supposed to be a list of headcanons but it’s a weird bullet list scenario.

I also gave all of the matsus their own phone, I don’t want to write six adults sharing one cell phone or a landline. Q Q

Osomatsu: spur of the moment and casual.

Osomatsu liked to ask you to hang out occasionally, they were mostly casual. Sharing a meal, exploring the town, watching him lose money gambling, maybe try your hand at pachinko, pretty normal things. So it wasn’t unexpected when he shot you a message to hang out in the evening.

“hey i won at the races! do u wanna eat at chibitas? ill pay for my own food” How charming.

After some light drinking (he could only afford two beers), the two of you were walking a bit before parting ways.

You walked by a small movie theater. It had faded out posters of old movies, it was probably family run or a small local theater. Osomatsu stopped and pointed at the Jackass poster.

“Oi, Y/N!! I saw some clips of this, it looks hilarious! We should watch it!”

You declined, it was getting late and you had to go to work early tomorrow. But you offered to watch a movie (Jackass or some other movie that they’re showing!) after your shift. Osomatsu’s eyes lit up.

“Yeah! Just let me know when you’re off! It’s a date!”

You had to try to not laugh. Of course Osomatsu would want to watch Jackass as a date, the least romantic movie ever. He smiled his classic grin as he watched you try to contain your laughter. “What? I’m serious!” he pouts.

You were surprised when Osomatsu showed up to the movie dressed differently. Instead wearing one of his well-worn hoodies and loose jeans, he was wearing an unbuttoned maroon shirt over a plain white tee with black jeans. He really was serious about this being a date, huh?

“I haven’t seen this outfit before!” you tease, causing Osomatsu to “eheh” sheepishly and rub his nose. He’ll reply with “I wanted to look nice for our first date!”

He’ll?? Actually pay for both of your tickets? No snacks though.

He won’t shut up during the previews! He babbles and comments on everything, good thing that it wasn’t busy and that the only other people there shushed him gently. He’ll whisper commentary throughout the movie unless you tell him to shut up.

Will 100% bump his hand against yours and side eye you with a big grin. His hand fumbles a bit before properly lacing his fingers with yours and giving an experimental squeeze. His hands are warm and softer than you expected. The backs of his hands are a bit dry, but otherwise the only notable thing is the slight clamminess of his palms. If you look at his face, his eyes are glued to the sight of you holding his hand and his smile looks like it could split his face in half.

If you lean your head against his shoulder, he’ll freeze up and accidentally grip your hand too hard. If you interpret this as a bad reaction, he’ll hurriedly say “nonono” and place your head back against him and tell you that it was really nice.

Surprisingly keeps his hands mostly to himself, the most he’ll go is wrapping a hand around your shoulder and giving rubs that are a bit too friendly.

You two walk out of the movie with Osomatsu’s arm draped around your shoulder and wanting to just touch you, you have to remind him that walking on top of you and feeling you up is not practical, especially in public. He’ll pout and say that “but you smell so nice!! And you feel so comfy!!” but he’ll relax and be content to walk hand in hand.

The two of you stop by a cheap place to grab some ice cream (if you pay) and talk about the movie and future plans? :3c

Karamatsu: dramatic king.

“Are you free tonight, starlight? ✨ Meet me at the bridge at sunset.” You smiled at the message, you were already used to his cheesy terms of endearment, and they actually made your heart thump a bit if they weren’t too ridiculous. You reply yes, appreciating that he remembered that you had a few days off work. He was always thoughtful and asked you when your free days were.

You go to the bridge a bit early, the sun was still over the horizon and bleeding gorgeous shades of orange and rose into the sky. You notice Karamatsu wearing his classic leather jacket and jeans pacing around. He was muttering to himself, waving grand gestures, and shaking his head nervously. You call his name and catch his attention. He squacks a high note before clearing his throat and turning dramatically towards you.

“Ah, so you’ve arrived, my turtledove!” he flicks a finger through his hair and smirks. Mostly unphased by his theatrics, you waved and greeted him, apologizing for startling him. 

He whips out a bouquet of red roses and kneels at your feet. People are stopping and staring. You sweat a bit, feeling everyone’s eyes burn into you.

“Karamatsu,” you whisper, “what’s happening?” You tried to sound gentle, you could tell that he went through a lot of effort, but feeling onlookers watch you was making your skin crawl.

“Y/N, my muse, the fire within my heart, I was wondering if you would join me on a da-“ He stops midflourish, noticing your uncomfortable glances at the people, before realizing that he was making a huge scene. He quickly stands up to bashfully escort you to a less crowded bench. He’s fidgeting and focused on the bouquet, are his eyes watering? Oh no.

He’s trying to hold back tears at putting you in an uncomfortable situation and it takes a bit of backrubbing and “it’s okay” before he calms down. He hides his red rimmed eyes under sunglasses. You gently ask why he asked you to come here.

Karamatsu “hmphs!” weakly flourishes the roses once more. “I wanted to see if this lovely deity would join me for a moonlit picnic by the river!” His words carry far more conviction than the roses, they were trembling softly in his grasp. You accept the roses, they’re gorgeous and look freshly picked. Either Karamatsu paid a pretty penny for these or some poor gardener is missing a dozen roses.

He leads you to a quiet spot under a tree where a picnic basket awaits. He smiles and holds his hand out for you to hold. His grip trembles a bit before gripping your hand securely. He makes sure to check if the blanket is clean before guiding you to sit down.

There are containers of star-shaped rice balls, tamagoyaki, kaarage, and strawberries in the basket, along with store bought bottles of tea. You’re amazed at the whole spread, as far as you know, Karamatsu is a mediocre cook. The rolled eggs looked a bit misshapen and some corners of the chicken were nearing burnt, but it all looked wonderful. You ask if he went through the trouble of making all of this.

“Heh, of course, I would do anything to make my Karamatsu darling smile,” you can’t help but giggle softly at his horrid lines. Your sweet laugh only seems to egg him on, for his eyes glimmer and the corners of his lips rise even higher. “Of course, to achieve this, I couldn’t have done it without a bit of assistance from my dearest mother,” he admits, rubbing the back of his neck. You can already envision Karamatsu

It’s wonderful. The sky is clear, so you get a full view of the twinkling stars and the soft glow of the moon. Karamatsu asks you about your day and you two get lost in conversation.

As conversation slows, he’ll wistfully look at the stars and say another one of his dumb rehearsed lines. “The stars are beautiful tonight… but they are just grains of sand next to you.” He’ll then get a bit bashful and say that he really enjoyed tonight and was wondering if you’d like to hang out some other time?

Choromatsu: a coffee date! But oh dear he’s a fish out of water.

He briefly considers buying two tickets to a concert, but quickly dismisses it because he too embarrassed to show you how passionate he gets over idols.

He really wants to ask you in person but he would actually break trying to get the words out so he texts you a simple “Do you want to grab a coffee at XYZ café?”

You arrive at the café and spot Choromatsu sitting at a table, flipping through a book. He’s wearing a white button up, a brown sweater, and olive trousers. When you greet him, he practically jumps out of his chair.

“H-Hello!” he squeaks, bowing his head abruptly. He looks shyly at you and breathlessly mumbles “You look nice…” He freezes up and backpedals severely, sputtering “Ni-nice, nice… this is a nice café! Have you tried their, ah, americano?” His face is stretched into a tense smile.

“Thank you! You look nice too, I haven’t seen you wear this sweater before, it suits you well!” you return the compliment and Choromatsu turns cherry red. He turns away to look at his sweater and thanks you quietly.

The two of you go to order drinks, Choromatsu buys a black americano and is kind enough to buy your drink as well.

When you settle down at a table with your drinks, you notice that Choro’s nerves have calmed down a lot, he’s no longer stuttering every word and is fidgeting a lot less.

“So, what were you reading before I got here?” you ask, recalling that it was a pretty thick novel. He perks up at your question and pulls his messenger bag out to retrieve said book.

“Ah, you see, I was reading a book about managing businesses! I’ve been looking into business management and thought that readin-“ A familiar manga tumbles onto the table and it’s swiped away quickly.

“Oh,” you interrupt him before he can start spewing out an apology or excuse, “do you like that series?” Choromatsu pauses and looks at you with an incredulous look before nodding. “Really? That’s one of my favorite mangas!” you cheer, and you can practically see his prim illusion melt before your eyes.

“Really?” he asks, and you notice a slight spark in his eyes. Bingo. You nod, eager to get to see his nerdy side. He always tried so hard to look like a proper adult, and it was a shame that he was stifling his interests. You decide to try to stoke that spark and lean in closer. “Yeah, I read it a few months ago, I didn’t think that you’d be into it! How far have you gotten, do you like it?”

He has the cutest glow in his eyes as he chatters about the series and you’re thankful for the manga slipping out of his bag, it served as a wonderful social lubricant. By the time your cup was empty, you had gotten to learn more about Choromatsu. He seemed embarrassed by his interests, but every time you reassured him that it’s fine to have passions his body relaxed a bit more. He took the time to attentively ask you questions too and overall you felt really good about this little date.

“Would you like to walk around a bit? I think there’s a bookstore nearby.” Choromatsu tentatively suggested, swirling the last dredges of his coffee around in his cup. You agree, so the two of you walked a block to the store.

His hand would occasionally sway by yours, but he would honestly be too timid to hold your hand on the first date. If you try to hold his hand, he’ll probably flinch and be rigid for a second, before relaxing.

He buys you a small piece of merch related to the manga you bonded over and the two of you part after confirming that it was a fun date!

As you leave, you hear Choromatsu hop from foot to foot and cheer to himself!

Ichimatsu: unofficial date

Hanging out with Ichimatsu was a bit uncommon. If you asked him what he was up to, he would tell you where he was in town. It took a while before you picked up that these were soft invites to join him.

One time you joined him at the park. He was sitting on the swings and lazily turned his head to watch you as you approached him.

“Sorry, I already fed the cats,” he mumbled, standing up. He smoothed out a few wrinkles on his DAT sweater. “You didn’t have anything better to do today?”

“I like hanging out with you.” Your simple reply made Ichimatsu stuff his hands into his pockets and start walking. You follow along, taking note of how cute his ears looked red.

He pauses by a cat café and you see his glimmering eyes linger on the cats snoozing by the window. He crouches and waves his hand near a fat grey cat.

“Do you want to check it out?” you ask, and Ichimatsu shakes his head slowly. “I didn’t bring money.” he murmurs, smiling as the cat’s eyes started to follow his hand.

“I can spot you!” you offer, making Ichimatsu freeze in thought. “I’d like to relax with some cats with you.” you add, hoping that’ll make Ichimatsu feel less bad about having you pay for him. He stands up and stares at your shoes.

“Sure, if you want to…” he mumbles, nervously putting his hands into his pockets again. “Thanks.”

The entrance fee of 900 yen included a drink, Ichimatsu chose to get a juice.

You settled down by a table near a cat tower and after setting his juice on the table, he sat on the floor to offer a hand to a cat.

It doesn’t take long before a calico cat is happily purring on his lap. Ichimatsu looks like he might start purring anytime soon, with how relaxed he looked scratching the cat’s ear. You don’t have as much luck as Ichimatsu with cat taming, but a fat orange cat settles next to you on the booth. It looks at you expectantly and you give it a few scritches on its cheeks.

You sip your drink and “mm!” out of surprise. Wow, it tasted really good! You notice that Ichimatsu’s drink was untouched and stand up to give it to him so he wouldn’t have to disturb the sweet calico. He thanks you and sips his orange colored juice as you take a seat on the floor with him. His sleepy eyes widen slightly and he nods approvingly.

“Did you want to try my drink?” you tilt your cup towards him and he nearly drops his juice. You weren’t expecting a reaction like that and tried to verbally backpedal “Oh, you don’t have to, you know, with germs and all-”

He grabs your wrist and tugs the drink down until the straw met his lips. He took a strained sip, he honestly looked a bit constipated for how scrunched and pink his face was for sipping a drink.

“It’s good,” he exhales. He realizes his grip on your wrist and lets go immediately, before holding out his juice. “Did you want to try? You bought it and all.” You nod and have to resist grinning at how adorable Ichimatsu looked right now, his eyes were burning holes through the ground and his cheeks were dusted pink. It looked like he was trying his best to scowl but the corners of his lips gave away the hint of a smile.

You decide to mimic Ichimatsu and gently grab his wrist to pull his cup towards you. Bright, sweet notes of mango and peach grace your mouth and, wow, he picked a good drink. You let go of his wrist and his hand stays frozen there before he brings his cup back to drink his juice again.

Cats swarm Ichimatsu and he manages to enrapture all of them effortlessly. Cats are piled at his feet and purring. They seem oblivious that you even exist and you pout a bit at being ignored. Ichimatsu notices your slight pout and he offers a hand to you without thinking. When you place your hand into his dry palms, he only then seems to realize what he just did with a tense look on his face.

He soldiers on and places his hand on the back of yours, guiding you to pet the same grey cat you encountered at the display window.

You spend a few hours just enjoying the cats and Ichimatsu’s company. When your legs start to get pins and needles from sitting on the floor too long, you notice that the café is starting to get a bit busy so the both of you decide to leave.

You notice that Ichimatsu is walking a bit closer to you than usual. His hands are stuffed in his pockets like usual, but his shoulder brushes against yours every few steps.

It’s never clarified that this was a date but Ichimatsu parts ways with a “see you later” and a soft smile.

Jyushimatsu: a fun hangout that becomes a date!

You and Jyushimatsu were walking home after a long day of fun. It was impossible to have a dull moment with him around, today consisted of various activities at the park. Volleyball, pitching baseballs, going on a small hike, Jyushimatsu finding a five leaf clover, getting chased by geese, Jyushimatsu was quick on his feet and scooped you away from the vicious birds.

You waved at Jyushimatsu as you reached where you had to part. He smiled his classic big smile and waved enthusiastically with both hands before leaving.

Not even 10 seconds later you hear him yell “Y/N!” and his sneakers slapping against the pavement. He’s slightly out of breath as he holds a flier out in front of you.

It was an advertisement for a travelling carnival that was visiting town this weekend! Jyushimatsu bounces excitedly and asks if you wanted to check it out, it wasn’t everyday that a carnival showed up! Luckily you were free so you agree to meet him at the carnival in the afternoon on Saturday.

It’s hard to miss him, you spot a bouncing ball of yellow near the entrance. Jyushimatsu’s wearing a simple outfit, an loose white shirt that’s roughly tucked into brown shorts with an oversized yellow plaid shirt. He’s rocking on the balls of his feet and when he spots you, he waves so hard you can almost hear his sleeves flapping.

“Come on, come on, let’s go!” Jyushimatsu cheers, already pointing out rides he wanted to go on. There was a rollercoaster, how does a moving carnival carry a whole rollercoaster? And a Ferris wheel? There was so much to check out!

The tickets are pretty cheap, but you notice a couple’s discount while waiting in line. When you two are next in line, Jyushimatsu suddenly stops talking and you see that he’s frozen in place. He still has his smile, but his eyes were frozen on the discount.

The employee’s tired “next in line, please,” snapped Jyushimatsu out of his trance and he jumped to the counter to buy two tickets. The teenage boy behind the register eyed you and Jyushimatsu before applying the discount.

Before you can thank him for paying, Jyushimatsu’s clothed hand pulled your hand along to join the line for bumpercarts.

After trying various rides, you decide to take a breather and just look around the various mini games and merchandise. A fat stuffed Pikachu catches your eye, and Jyushimatsu practically hurdles over the poor person managing the ring toss game to play a round.

He throws the rings way too hard but somehow three of the ten ricochet onto the bottles. He picks out a small prize and pouts that he wasn’t able to get you the Pikachu, but he got you a keychain of plush duck from Spirited Away!

The night settles over you and you decide to hit the Ferris wheel before calling it a night. Jyushimatsu bounces slightly in his seat, making the cabin shake slightly. He stops if you look nervous.

Curiosity gets the best of you and when the wheel is nearing the end of its rotation, you ask if this was a date. Jyushimatsu “ahs” in surprise and looks out the window.

“I don’t know,” he states, finally turning his head to look at you. His mouth was shut in a rare closed mouth smile, and he fiddles with the hem of his shirt.

You realize that the ride wasn’t over as it started to go for another rotation.

“I…” Jyushimatsu trails off, and his lips were pulled into a tense line. His eyes were steely as stared at his hands, gripping fistfuls of his sleeve. “Is it okay if this is a date? Do you want this to be a date?” He lifted his eyes up to meet yours, and there’s a glimmer of vulnerability in those sweet brown eyes. Your body reacts before words can leave your mouth, you feel your head shake up and down before a “yes” tumbles out. Jyushimatsu’s back straightens up like a spring and his face splits into one of his classic smiles.

“Really?” he cries, and when you reassure him he yells a “hurray” and dives into your arms. The cart rocks violently, causing you to almost fold over Jyushimatsu. You laugh as you untangle yourself from each other. He looked so pretty with his long eyelashes and contagious smile.

The two of you exit the carnival with Jyushimatsu leading the way, almost vibrating in joy as he swings your hand the entire walk back.

Todomatsu: a cute date, with a side of the youngest brother curse.

One day after a shift, you and a few of your coworkers decided to hit up a local hot pot spot! A few random people that knew your coworkers showed up, Todomatsu was among one of them. He sat across from you and introduced himself as Totty.

He seemed really sweet and socially thrived! But as the large group broke into a collection of smaller conversations, Totty seemed to take a special interest in you. He was super engaged in convo, asking questions about your interests. He apparently met your mutual acquaintance at his old job as a barista, and he was taking some time to himself before job hunting again.

After dinner, Todomatsu asks if you’d want to exchange contact? You agree, there didn’t seem to be any red flags with him! You shoot a few messages back and forth and it’s exciting getting to know a new person.

“hey, check out this cute café that opened recently!!” he messages a few days later, and after discussing a few details you finally have plans for a date.

He shows up to the date as you arrive, wearing a white shirt with thin navy stripes, a large blush sweater, and cropped brown pants. He asks if you were waiting long and is relieved when you said that you got here.

Todomatsu buys a strawberry milk tea boba and offers to buy yours. You settle down by a table by the window and he asks you how you’ve been the past few days.

As you start to talk, you notice his round attentive eyes start to drift to the window. His brows furrowed in confusion, and you stop talking.

“Totty? What’s up?” you ask, starting to turn your head to the window. You see nothing out of the usual, just a normal street with a few shops and pedestrians.

“Ah, it’s nothing! I just saw something in that store that looked really cute!” he titters, and you can’t help but notice a strain in his voice. Slightly confused, you smile and sip on your drink.

“Did you want to check it out?” you suggest, and Totty agrees very eagerly. It’s a cute trinket store, they have things like stationary, phone cases, plush animals, and jewelry.

You find a cute rabbit with a sweet smile and rosy cheeks that reminds you of Totty! You mention it to him and he giggles, cheeks turning a bit red. You continue to browse around for a bit until Totty taps you on the shoulder and gives you a small bag. Inside is a small phone charm that has the same rabbit you pointed out earlier. “So you can think of me whenever you see it!” he winks.

When you exit the store together, you hear Totty yelp. You turn to see him getting grabbed by five men that look like him. They’re frozen, with Todomatsu flailing in their grasp. They blink a few times before dropping Totty on the ground. They all smile and talk animatedly over each other, ignoring the person on the pavement.

“Uh, Totty,” you unsteadily start, unsure of how to handle this situation. How do you handle this, what the hell? You crouch a bit to help Todomatsu up, he looks like he wants the ground to swallow him up whole. “Do you know these people?”

“Ah, yes, these are…” he glances lifelessly behind him. “…my brothers.”

“His older brothers!” the one in red shouts, posing triumphantly. “We’re identical sextuplets!” he lilts offkey. You sympathetically look at Totty, his face is downcast and his eyes are shining.

“Oh, wow, sextuplets! I didn’t think I’d be meeting your family so soon,” you try to lighten the mood, and Todomatsu tries to smile but he still looks mortified. “Do you want to leave?” you whisper. His eyes practically scream yes.

You wrap your arm around Totty’s, which causes his brothers to gasp and glare at him?? The hell’s wrong wit them?

“It was nice to meet you guys, but we’re on a date!” you smile before heading off. You feel Todomatsu squeeze your arm closer to his body and whisper “thank you.”

You stop by the swings a park and Todomatsu guiltily confesses that he’s a sextuplet?

You reassure him that it’s fine, it’s interesting, but who cares? As long as his brothers being unexpected guests isn’t a normal thing, it wasn’t too relevant. He seems relieved and apologizes, this won’t happen again.

You end up just talking, swaying on the swingset. He seems more genuine now, almost like revealing his family life was a huge weight off his shoulders.

He apologizes again for his brothers and offers to make it up to you next time!