#if im asking someone 'why?' i have to use an incredibly specific tone and keep my expressions and body language open

[poptod]

Leeway (Ahkmenrah x Reader)

Description: Sometimes, you just need to feed the person you accidentally embalmed alive a lot of vodka. A LOT.

Notes: so this is a tad strange and i thought it would be fun to write so hello this exists now and im not apologizing for it this time. i do love how easy it is to tell who learned english in cambridge and who learned english from a crazy american though. fluff and humor, gender neutral, only warning is getting sick from drinking too much Word Count: 2.5k

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Despite the popularity of the Egyptian exhibit in the museum, there was really only one hallway and one room for it. A hallway filled with smaller artifacts, and in the center of it all, Ahkmenrah's tomb. What with being the only ancient Egyptian in the whole of the museum, he was rather lonely – that made up one of the reasons for the new exhibit, but the main reason was a money grab.

Now, the new exhibit wasn't nearly as royal as Ahk's room. No massive guards, no rooms catered specifically to it, no hieroglyphs surrounding it. In fact it was the tomb of a servant – that's what historians categorized you as after seeing your wooden sarcophagus and the poor wrappings of your mummification. There was nothing but you in your tomb; no dolls, no artifacts, not even any pottery offerings. Ahkmenrah didn't know any of this, though – no, he was just excited to have someone who came from the same era. His thrill stemmed mainly from his fear of forgetting how to speak Egyptian. With you on your way, he could rid of that fear.

He was told of your exhibit about a day before you arrived, and throughout the whole of the waking night he thought of you. Who could you be? Maybe your times were a thousand years apart; Egypt did have a rather long rule, after all. There was also the chance you were from exactly his time, and part of him hoped that was to be.

The next evening he awoke giddy, a grin on his face from the moment he opened his eyes. A few minutes and Larry came to help him out, stripping off the remaining linen before standing tall, gold falling from his body as silk.

"Is the new exhibit here?" He asked immediately, eager to meet you.

"Yeah, this way," Larry said, guiding Ahk out of his room with a chuckle.

A bundle of nerves began to ache in his chest, begging him to hurry his step. He tried his best to keep calm, soon standing in front of an open archway, leading into a room filled with the broken down, dusty artifacts of his previous daily life. Shabti dolls came to life in glass cages, and beside all the shields and various weapons lay a rotted, wooden coffin. At the sight he frowned – there were no inscriptions on the coffin, not even a hint that they might've once been there. Without those inscriptions it was terribly hard to navigate the afterlife, but that wasn't his main problem at the moment.

The biggest issue was that you were rattling against the wood, moaning weakly from your first wake of the dead. Your coffin sat in a large, glass box, and as both Ahk and Larry realized that, Larry dug into his pocket for keys to open the box.

The moment the glass door opened, Ahk crammed himself inside, careful not to step on the bits of pottery as he knelt at your side. Gently he raised the lid, helping you sit up. Together you worked out of your wrappings, which fell to the bottom of the coffin, before the last of it came off, revealing your face.

"Wait a -"

"You!" You shouted, brows furrowed in a rage both Larry and Ahk rarely saw. Jabbing him in the chest with your finger, you glared him out of the box, following him as you stumbled onto the linoleum floor. "You're the guy who killed me!"

"Wait, what?" Larry said, his tone suddenly serious.

"I did not kill -"

"You fucking buried me alive, you son of a bitch! Do you know how painful it is to have all your organs removed for a damned embalming?!" You yelled as your face grew red, filled with the pressure of your anger.

"Okay, wait, wait –" Larry stood inbetween you two, but your eyes never left Ahk's rather terrified face. "First thing's first. How do you know English?"

"You think you guys get to be the first people insane enough to bring me to life? I lived in a sorcerer's home for ten years and he treated me better than you ever did," you said, aiming your venom at Ahk. Again. "I felt safer with him and he took off my arm and resewed it back on!"

"In my defense, I didn't know you were alive, alright?" Ahk tried defending himself, but you wouldn't hear it.

"You fucked up big time, buddy," you seethed, shoving your face right up against Ahk's. "I wasn't the goddamn murderer. The other one was."

"Oh. Oh, no," he said as the color drained from his face. "Shit, you were innocent?"

"Okay can someone tell me what the hell is going on here?!" Larry finally interjected, gaining both of your attentions.

"There was this, um, incident, while I was a prince," Ahk began, reluctant to tell. "A few murders had happened in the city, so the soldiers tracked down who they believed the murderer to be, but they were fighting with someone. Like, really bad. I was with them and there was quite a lot of blood."

"I would've won, too, if you let me," you grumbled bitterly.

"One of them claimed to be a famous poet, and the other one was unemployed. Obviously the murderer, but we couldn't tell the difference between the two," he continued, ignoring your remark. "There was this whole trial to figure out who was who. What – what was your penname again?"

"Siamun," you said.

"Right. Unfortunately, I guess we got the wrong one," he said rather blankly, regret plain on his face.

"And then he threw a spear at my chest, proclaimed me dead despite the fact that I was still breathing, and then they tore out all my goddamn organs," you finished for him, telling 'Larry' the rest of the story Ahk hesitated to mention.

"It wasn't a spear," Ahk said as though it mattered.

"Knife. Sharp pointy thing. I'm still pissed at you," you said, crossing your arms with great force.

Larry looked between the two of you for a moment before speaking.

"I think I know how to make you feel better," he said, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and leading you out of the room.

"I highly doubt that," you said quietly, sending one last seething glare over your shoulder at Ahk before you turned the corner, leaving him alone.

He almost cried – he rarely did, but this time was close. All that excitement for nothing. There was no way you'd be able to hold a conversation with him, which was fair, considering he didn't think he could hold a conversation with someone he wronged so deeply. The worst part was that he was quite the fan of your work, and it had been a long, long time since he'd been able to read or hear your words.

About an hour later he dragged himself to his feet with a weary sigh, slowly shuffling into the main room, where he could already hear music and the shouts of dancers and soccer players (for some reason). At the balcony he overlooked the whole of the crowd, eyes scanning over the jumping crowd till he found you sitting with Larry at the center globe. You had a bottle of some sort in hand, and from what he could tell, you were incredibly intoxicated. A new, sick hope sprouted in his head – maybe you'd be able to tolerate him while drunk. Strange thought, certainly, but not entirely improbable.

So, with that in mind, he headed down the steps, his cape floating down with him till he reached the crowd. Worming through the people, he made his way to stand on the other side of the help center desk.

"What did you do?" Ahk asked Larry, gesturing to you sitting on the office chair, spinning as fast as you could.

"I thought they could use some loosening up," Larry answered with a shrug. Ahk frowned.

"That's... what did you give them?"

"Hmm? Oh, just some vodka the previous night guards stored in Rexy's mouth," he said, nodding pleasantly.

"Isn't vodka ten times more powerful than our beer?"

"I hadn't really thought of that," Larry said with his hands on his hips, looking to you for a moment before returning to Ahk.

Once you stopped propelling yourself, your chair stopped spinning, and your smile quickly dissipated into a pale face as sickness overcame you. With lopsided eyes you tried standing, balancing the bulk of your weight on the desk. You gagged on your own tongue.

"That's no good," Ahk muttered under his breath, circling the desk till he stood beside you, wrapping an arm over your shoulder. "I'll take them to the bathroom."

"I think I'm going to throw up," you slurred, leaning into Ahk.

"Thought so. Let's hurry now," he said as he took you through the crowd, feeling thankful that the bathrooms weren't a floor above you. No, they were just to the side, and soon he was holding your hair as you hurled into the porcelain toilet.

You shivered despite the room being warm, and Ahk recognized it as tremors brought about by pain. He winced when you gagged, nothing but acid coming out as you moaned, white knuckles trying to find purchase on the tile floor.

"You.. what's your name?" You asked weakly, your voice rough from acid staining the back of your throat.

"... Naguib," he said after a moment of thought. He wasn't sure if you would remember his name, but he preferred to stay safe, and took his servant's name.

"You're being.. thank you," you mumbled, immediately gagging again afterwards. Nothing came out.

"Of course," he said softly, moving his hands to rub at your tense shoulders. You hummed, unable to move from your spot without feeling intensely sick.

"You're from Egypt, too, aren't you?" You said, tilting your head onto your arm to meet his eye.

"Yes," he confirmed. "Same time period."

"God, I miss it sometimes. Don't you?" You whispered, barely able to find the energy to keep speaking.

"It can get very lonely. That's why I'm glad you're here," he said with a small smile, making you close your eyes and offer your own soft, barely-there smile. "Do you mind speaking Egyptian with me?"

"Sure," you answered in the language he'd been longing to hear from a mouth other than his own.

"So... what was life like for you back then?" He asked despite knowing of most of your exploits (and accidentally being part of the final one. Death.).

"I was a scribe, didn't work for the King though. Didn't really want to. I liked his son, though. Nice guy except for when he stabbed me," you grumbled, your eyes half lidded. He flinched at your last words.

"What did you write of?"

"The world," you said with a weak smirk. "Poetry. Lots of it."

"Really?" He said, keeping his voice soft to soothe you. "Could you share some?"

"Maybe if I remember what I wrote," you replied with a snort. "Been a whole fuckin' while since then."

Wow, you swear a lot, Ahk found himself thinking blankly, watching you tremble and try to keep yourself even.

"What about the prince?" Ahk asked after a long silence, his words barely there.

"Gods.. um... well, very kind. Got a bit of a stick up his ass, but damn, he was handsome. Pretty scary too, but don't tell him. Any of this," you slurred, once more readying yourself to hurl into the bowl. Ahk quickly moved his hands from your back to your hair, keeping it out of your eyes as you gagged, acid and vodka dripping off your tongue.

Even with you having a rather unpleasant time in the bathroom stall, Ahk felt rather good. You liked him – at least you did at one point, and for him, that meant there was a chance you could forgive him. Yes, embalming you alive was probably not the greatest thing he could've done, but you seemed forgiving enough. With anger formidable and forgiveness imminent, he almost smiled. Almost. And then you hurled again.

In the last hours of the night you started to get better. You could stand with help from Ahk (though you much preferred lying down), and your wits were a little more about you, words still slurred but not quite as unhinged. A few hours previously you stopped throwing up, and Ahk moved you from the bathrooms to McPhee's office. He had a nice couch in there, and Ahk doubted he would mind, considering how McPhee practically revered the living exhibits.

"Feeling better?" He asked, knelt beside you on the cushioned velvet couch.

"A little," you hummed, your voice cracking as you looked to him with tired, baggy eyes.

"We'll have to get you back to your coffin soon. I'll have to go to mine too," he said, stroking your hair. You blinked slowly.

"Why?"

"I'll tell you when you're a bit more coherent," he said with a smile. The edges of your lips turned up, but you were far too weak to form a full smile.

A few minutes later Ahk heard a knock on the closed door, and he excused himself from you with a gentle kiss on your forehead. Opening up the door an inch, he slipped through the gap, coming face to face with Larry.

"They doin' okay?" He asked, hands on his hips.

"Will be, eventually. Don't give them vodka. Ever," Ahk said, earning a hurried agreement.

"Yeah, no, definitely. What's up between you guys though?" He asked with vague hand signals gesturing between the two of them. "Like, you friends? Enemies? I can't tell."

"Currently my name is Naguib and I'm a servant."

"Oh, so not good."

"I didn't say that," Ahk said with a frown. "I asked them about 'the prince' and they actually had a pretty high opinion of me, all things considered, so that's good."

"Honestly I find it hard to believe you actually stabbed them. You don't come across as.. murderous," Larry said, a questioning look on his face.

"You've clearly never seen me watch TV," Ahk said flatly. "I'm a Pharaoh. I'm not sure what you were expecting, but my brother tried to kill me five times and I lost my best friend to banishment. I think I'm allowed a little leeway."

"Yeah, I guess so," Larry said with a sigh, forgetting they were genuinely discussing murder. Murder. "Ready to get them back in the coffin?"

"Right."

The two of them helped you back into your casket, a task that was made infinitely easier by the fact that you passed out while they were conversing. Before placing the wooden lid back on, Ahk leaned in, kissing your forehead one more time. Only then did he reluctantly crawl out of the glass cage, watching Larry lock you up.

"Why do you like them so much?"

"Eh," Ahk shrugged, "they're prolific when they aren't drunk."

"Fair enough."

[florencesmachine]

tell me what's going on

Why tumblr user donottearmedown/luciequeenofelfame/luciehvrondaie is an embarrassment: a Masterpost

Hi if you’re here it’s because you’ve heard that tumblr user donottearmedown is an embarrassment and you’d like to know all the details! Let me break it down. It all started with this post by @minacarstairs (Tessa (yes @minacarstairs’s name is Tessa sorry if that makes this post confusing)), in which donottearmedown originally reached out to Tessa by sending her something along the lines of “Do you ship heronstairs/herongraystairs?” And Tessa replied with something along the lines of “Yeah lmao herongraystairs rights!”

(I wanna note that Tessa was being very polite, and continues to be very polite to people who disagree with her opinions on heronstairs/herongraystairs. She even began her original conversation with dont tear me down by saying it’s a matter of personal interpretation :) it’s donottearmedown who made the conversation mean-spirited)

(Also Tessa pls correct next if I’m wrong on any of this thnx)

And then sometime later, the conversation above ensues in which donottearmedown, seemingly perfectly reasonable at first, disagrees with the ship and offers a link to look at. (She throws this link around any chance she gets. She really fucking loves this link.) I got involved because in her answer, Tessa replies back with a link from a post I made from my own blog starting back in 2018, and then continued to add to it until my account got terminated (long story). You can read through both posts and check out all the replies! But basically we realized during this interaction that donottearmedown wasn’t looking to have a friendly conversation and was, in fact, batshit crazy. They were saying some absolute brain dead shit like that people shipping heronstairs is the same as people shipping Alec x Clary. Here’s the screenshot:

donottearmedown came back the next day to reply on several of Tessa and mine’s post which she wasn’t even tagged in, such as this one, and this one that had absolutely nothing to do with her because I make that same post every year. Here’s a screenshot from my old account last year via Instagram:

(there are more posts she replied to but I can’t be bothered to look for them, I’m sure you can find them on their blog if you can spare the braincells)

Racism by donottearmedown:

So, Tessa received this anon which tipped us off to some of the other tomfoolery on donottearmedown’s blog. We decided to look for ourselves and lo and behold, here’s the post of donottearmedown accusing Cassandra Clare of having a “Chinese kink” for writing Jessa:

Which, first of all, makes no sense because there’s like 2 Chinese characters in TSC total. If anything CC has a straight white boy kink lmao. But by saying this she was basically implying that the ONLY way Tessa (book!Tessa), or anybody who loves Jem, can love him is if they have a “Chinese kink”. Which donottearmedown can’t seem to be able to understand is an incredibly racist thing to say and think.

They also reblogged this BLM link and proceeded to tag it with absolute nonsense like “#smoke weed #lose weight #wessa”. I don’t know if her intentions were to mock the BLM movement but I still found this to be so incredibly disrespectful and tone deaf.

I also feel like I should mention this ask sent to Tessa in which donottearmedown implies she ~could be~ Asian, but it’s “none of her business anyways” (as if being Asian would absolve anyone of being racist akjsksjsj), but based on the fact that she has a track record of lying and pretending to be a person she’s not (as you will soon see :)) I call bullshit lmao:

I think that was the last of our interactions until today? Tessa and I were distracted because we have, you know, real lives.

But anyway, that brings us to today.

donottearmedown started replying to posts from mine and Tessa’s blogs which she wasn’t tagged in, again, and made several days ago. This one literally wasn’t even about her, it was about someone else that had engaged with one of Tessa’s posts. I made that post over a week ago and had already forgotten about it, but clearly donottearmedown never stops thinking about us 😳

NOW I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THIS POST SPECIFICALLY.

Why? Because donottearmedown and luciequeenofelfame (now luciehervndaie) interacted on this post, as 2 seperate entities. luciequeenofelfame had also interacted with Tessa and I’s original posts at the beginning of June (you can check the replies on the posts!) coming to donottearmedown’s defense, and praising her for her opinions and other shit like that.

Here’s the screenshot. As you can see here, luciehervndaie reblogs from donottearmedown and adds on to their opinion:

Now here’s the kicker: donottearmedown and luciehervndaie are the same person.

As in, this bitch literally made up a second blog so that she can pretend to be someone else agreeing with her own opinions and cheering herself on.

Here’s the proof:

I made this post calling out donottearmedown on their racism. I didn’t bother tagging her in the original post because I knew she was stalking my blog and would see it eventually anyway. 😌 And they took the bait, as you can see.

AND THEN I got the notification that luciequeenofelfame had replied to my post. Here’s the reply:

Now here’s where donottearmedown/luciequeenofelfame made an oopsie! 😳

Notice where luciequeenofelfame says “1. I didn’t delete it lmao”. She’s responding to my tags on this post where I’m calling out donottearmedown on her racist post, and my tags read:

“#the fact you went and deleted this post because you KNEW you were about to get slammed #comedy”

(context: @wilhelminacarstairs looked on donottearmedown’s blog recently looking for the post I screenshotted in the link above, and he couldn’t find it so I assumed she deleted it so that I wouldn’t call her out on it. Although she claims she didn’t delete it, so! Maybe it’s still up! Feel free to look for it and let me know lmao)

Now, in the tags I am obviously talking to donottearmedown, correct? So then why is luciequeenofelfame replying that she didn’t delete anything? 🤔 AND JUST AS IM ABOUT TO REPLY-

Wow, looks like I can’t reblog the post. Why? Because luciequeenofelfame has deleted it, and then IMMEDITALY changed her url to luciehvrondaie, hoping it would cover her tracks. Little does she know, tumblr notifications are forever:

As you can see, donottearmedown/luciequeenofelfame/luciehervndaie realized they made an oopsie, so she deleted her first response and posted it again from the blog she actually MEANT to post it from. Damn if only she knew that @minacarstairs @wilhelminacarstairs and I keep screenshots of e v e r y t h i n g :/ Then she might have gotten away with it! 😩

But yeah lmao here are the posts I made about it immeditaly afterwards calling her out on it because I thought it was funny: X X X X

She defends herself on some of them saying shit like “wow so I’m just making up blogs for support wessa? The majority of the fandom supports Wessa so I’m all of those blogs according to you? I’m thousands of people?!” Or just trying to change the topic back to heronstairs and ignoring the allegations altogether. Like, no luv we’re not saying you’re every single Wessa blog ever. We’re just saying you’re these 2, and we’re right lmao. If you look through both their blogs they also post about the same fandoms, and more damning, make a lot of the same spelling errors. Seriously their speech pattern is exactly the same. Feel free to look through them if you want, and if they don’t start mass-deleting post trying to cover their tracks.

BONUS:

I don’t know how true this is, but according to @fair-but-wilde-child on this ask, donottearmedown is ALSO the infamous twitter stan that complained to CC about TLH having too many gay characters.

EXTRA BONUS:

luciequeenofelfame/luciehvrondaie (donottearmedown’s second account 😌) is the account responsible for that wessa vs jessa comparison chart that went around a while ago LMAOOOOOOOO embarrassing

tl;dr: donottearmedown/luciequeenofelfame/luciehvrondaie is a biphobic racist who’s opinions are so bad she has to make a second account to agree with herself

🥺 tragic

Also I wanna say for the record, as @minacarstairs ans @wilhelminacarstairs will testify, I guessed a while ago these accounts were the same person when I noticed their speech patterns were eerily similar, and how luciequeenofelfame always seemed to reply to donottearmedown’s posts IMMEDITATELY after they were posted. 

So the lesson for today? Cinthia is always right. 😤

[fipindustries]

Mouth Dreams analysis

MOUTH DREAMS

I dont even need to introduce to you the marvelous mash up works of neil cicierega’s mouth trilogy (now quadrilogy i guess). We all know them, we all love them and we all have our own interpretations of what they mean. For some merely musical shitposting, for others clever experimentation laden with phrases, leivmotifs and themes repeating here and there, and for many a deep and rich bounty of lore, hidden messages, subtextual stories and underlying narratives implied across multiple variations of all star, hidden in the meta data and uncovered only after doing spectrographic analysis on the soundwaves of the songs after being played at x0.000003 times the speed. It is usually understood that all the albums together form a unique and rich tapestry, a coherent whole that can be understood in its totality. Im not here to do that.

I came up with my own interpretation of what Mouth Dreams can be read as, independent from the other albums. Think of it as me presenting this entry as the soundtrack of a musical with its own self contained story. It is the interpretation that i chose to go by and i hope its understood the brilliance of these albums lies on how weird and vague and open ended they are such that any number of different readings can be extracted from them. So lets see the one i extracted, without further ado, lets begin.

Yahoo

It is an out of context, in media res, start for the whole story. We hear a voice, echoing in the void, yelling at the top of its lungs, reaching desperately for human conection. One form of looking at this song is that the voice only receives an empty response from its own echoes, but i dont take it like that. The song is too sublime and too beautiful for these, the notes soaring too high, the desperate plead is being answered. Someone is listening to the plead and answering right back, harmonizing.

This whole album is in a way that howl, reaching to others, and we the audience are answering back, listening. But also on another level, this whole album is the protagonist telling the tragic story of his own life to some sympathetic figure who wants to help, perhaps a therapist, perhaps a friend, perhaps a partner, we’ll see. And as the yelling subsides the story starts proper.

Mouth dreams (intro)

We are being slowly taken into the story, entering the psyche of the main character, entering their subconscious, their dreams, their memories and therefore, their past. We’ll see what life they led and how they ended up where they are now and we start right at his infancy with….

Spongerock

Spongebob is a great indicator that we are seeing this person’s early childhood. They seem to be a rambunctious and energetic child. Cheerful and enthusiastic, yet there seems to be some underlying aggression there. The music is a bit to strong, and in comes freddy mercury berating the poor kid “you’ve got mud on your face, you big disgrace”. Who is this entity being so hostile to a poor kid? What lies beneath that image of a happy kid? We are about to see on the next song.

Just a baby

This is where trouble starts. We are treated to a dramatic song about a poor young baby who seems to be having a pretty sad life. Justin bieber, former teen idol, keeps lamenting about the poor baby being stuck in baby jail. This song is very much about loss of innocence. A shadowy figure of the mother is introduced who tells the protagonist to be a good boy. And almost at the end of the song we get a suggestion of what’s so wrong on this poor kid’s life. His mother apparently “shot a man in reno”. We dont know if this is a literal thing the mother did or if this is a metaphor for the mother doing something horrible, commiting some crime, harming someone in some way. While its not clarified we see strong hints of what the mother could have done in the next song

Superkiller

As we worry what may be so wrong with this kid’s mother we come across the title for this song, ominous. Now in the original Psycho killer the killer was clearly the singer, but in here the song is twisted and turned a bit, recontextualized by the beats of “cant touch this”. It seems like this time is the singer the one who doesnt want to be touched by some nefarious figure (the mother? Is the mother a psycho killer?) maybe the kid saw the mother killing people “i dont like people when they’re on fire”. whatever the case might be the kid is clearly strung up and under a lot of stress and we are introduced to the first hint of the insomnia that will plague this persons life who cant sleep because “my bed’s on fire”. The horrible situation in which this kid is living is taking a severe toll on their mental health. How is he going to cope with this?

Get happy

I think everyone can agree that “come on get happy” is incredibly unnerving when mindlessly repeated over and over. A first read might suggest the kid is forced to put on a happy face, to pretend that there is nothing wrong going on with their life. But as the song progresses it could also be interpreted as the kid being tempted to find refuge from the horror by unsavory methods “get happy” as in acquire happiness of a forced and artificial kind, perhaps drugs. But also “we’ll make you happy”. The kid is not running into a rabbit hole on their own, they are being invited. Its possible that the kid is being seduced by a bad crowd to move into seedy circles as an escape from their life.

Ribs

In here we see the kid, probably a young teenager by this point as suggested by the use of marylin manson in this song, falling deep into debauchery. The specific kind is not needed to know, it could be drugs, it could be sexual experimentation, it could be criminality. Point is this is unhealthy and dangerous and depraved, emphasized by the title of the song “ribs” as a reference to the rumor that marilyn manson removed two of his ribs in order to perform autofellatio. Whatever the case it clearly works, the song is actually a great bop, energetic and upbeat, the kid is content with the situation, at least for a while…

My mouth

This song is the coming down from the high. In here we see at full blast how the life of depravity on the one side and their situation at home on the other have turned the character into a hardcore insomniac, their health is severy compromised “My eyes feel like they're gonna bleed

Dried up and bulging out my skull”. Another way to read this song is as we momentarily cutting back to the present. After all, what we have been seeing until now has been dreams/memories and this is a short look at the wreck that the person is as a grown up, stirring awake from their memories and trying desperately to forget or to go back to sleep where they can have a reprieve. As evidenced by the next song

Aerolong

I dont wanna miss a thing is completely turned on its head. As the lyrics clearly demonstrate is the protagonist who cant go to sleep being chased by their memories, specifically the memories of their mother “I don't miss you, babe, and I do want to miss a thing”. As the person is tossing and turning on their bed, unable to sleep they talk about how they dont miss their mother at all and they want to “miss” her as in they want to forget her.

Sleepin’

The character is constantly speaking about how they are “sleeping with their clothes on” this is due to them falling asleep during their everyday life because of their lack of sleep every night, this person is barely functional, their sleep schedule is broken. Also since this song is about the character actually sleeping it also works as a bridge back into their dreams and so into their past.

Aammoorree

Is another vignette about the character sinking into disreputable states in order to escape their shitty situation as a teenager, this time very specifically about being completely drunk and perhaps experiencing romance for the first time. The character is probably at a club or a party, drunkenly hitting on someone, though chances are without much success as the song becomes increasingly more incoherent and we go into a full black out. This gets bad enough that the person finally has to take a look and….

Where is my mom

….stop. It is highly suggestive that in the album the “stop” is part of this song rather than the last one. The person is not only stopping their current alcoholic binge. They are stopping the entire situation and taking a good look at their life, finally confronting face to face what is happening and why it is so wrong. Now “stacy’s mom” was always kind of an inappropriate song due to it being about a child having a crush on their friend’s mom, as sung by an adult. But as it is recontextualized by the instruments of “where is my mind” it takes on a much darker tone. The romantic words are still there but now with a sinister bent. This time the main character asks their friend if they can go and take refuge at their house and when they ask if the mom is going to be there they sound more scared than eager, specially suggested by the way he seems to be stammering the word “pool”, they are nervous and terrified. They also talk about stacy’s mom as “all they want and been waiting for so long”, probably because all they want is a normal, loving mother. Presumably this song is about the main character finally talking about what is going on at his house with a friend, confessing and that confession gives way to realization

Fredhammer

Then realization gives way to anger. During this whole song we see the teenage character finally grasping how fucked up the whole situation is and he gets progressively more worked up with each successive aggravation “Why did it take so long? Why (hoo!), did I wait so long, huh?

Why??? To figure it out, but I did it (huh?)”. From this we transition to the kid actually confronting their mom face to face. The line “So you can take that cookie And stick it up your (yeah!)” can be read as the mother trying to pretend there is nothing wrong or pacifying the kid with empty gestures of motherhood, by making cookies and the kid spitting that back into their face. The kid gets more and more worked up through the song as we seamlessly transition to the next one.

Limp Wicket

This song is pure incoherent chaos but something very important can be rescued out of the chaos. This song uses the lyrics from the “ewok celebration” which is presumably the song the ewoks sing in return of the jedi after the empire was defeated. So in a way is the kid celebrating that he finally confronted their mother and presumably defeated her. This is emphazised by the recurrence of the lyrics ““So you can take that cookie”. Is not specified how the mother is defeated, maybe social services or the police get involved, maybe the kid runs away, either way this song is triumphant. The evil entity that stole his childhood and innocence has been defeated.

Cannibals

This song is slightly different from the rest. It works as a form of victory lap after the defeat of the mother figure, but also as an intermission since it lies smack dab in the middle of the album, and finally as a transitionary song from childhood to adulthood. Is a time skip, we get to see the person grow up in fast forward as the THX song hits its crescendo. This song also makes it perfectly clear that, even though she was left behind, the mental scars that the mother left are still there and still fresh and still very much stopping them from sleeping “She drives me crazy

And I can't help myself”. 

The outsiders

This works as a way to recontextualize us in the life of the character as an adult. Our so called “feature presentation”. It is not altogether clear who these people being introduced are. They could be the people who came to mean something in this persons life as they grew up after trauma, probably multiple foster homes, social workers, friends, bosses, co workers, etc. the fact that they are being enumerated dissapasionatly could indicate how most of his social relationships were basically a meaningless blur for him who grew up socially distant due to trauma. It could also represent the multiple roles that our character was forced to take as they grew up and the multiple things that went through his mind or meant something. There is clearly some desperate attempts to recapture their lost childhood as figures such as “inspector gadget” or “the ninja turtles part three” are named. The song is a fast montage of views and places. That prepares us for the next song.

Johnny

We finally zoom in and take a good look at our main character as an adult. A sad, pathetic figure, hurt and lonely, possibly not very well liked and certainly not respected as we hear boos all around. Despite all this the character is clearly committing themselves to be a good person, to not hurt others like he was hurt and specifically to not commit the same crimes that their mother commited.

Closerflies & Nightmovin

These two songs might as well work as a single piece since they are both more or less about the same thing. We reiterate how this person has been turned into an insomniac due to the trauma that they experienced as a child “When I'm far too tired to fall asleep”. They are delirious and barely coherent, possibly hallucinating as they think about their life in bed. This is clearly hell on earth and it seems like its just never going to stop “Can't wake up in a sweat

'Cause it ain't over yet” but, with neil’s classic sense of humor, the song immediately ends.

Now that could just be for the sake of irony but there is also another level in which it could be read. This suffering stops because something suddenly changes in this person’s life. What could that be?

Whitehouse

“I fell in love with a girl”

As the lyrics say, the main character met someone special and they are deeply in love. But also, because of the past that weighs heavily on him, he is very trepidatious about wether to go on with the relationship or not. He knows he is damaged goods and he doesnt want to drag her down as well, these fears make it so he never fully opens up to her about his issues “She turns and says, "Are you alright?" I said, "I must be fine because my heart's still beating." 

Wah

The use of “war” by edwin starr is a clever reference about how everything is fair in love and war. Now this song is an important departure since it is sung from the point of view of the girl our main character fell in love with. She is a feisty woman who is very clearly trying to establish the terms of the relationship and demanding her partner to open up which the main character, due to his insecurities, takes as a declaration of war and which he deflects by playing dumb, hence the repeated use of the silly “WAH” by wario. 

Pee Wee Inc

The emotional distance from the man is putting a strain in the relationship, so what once was supposed to “feel good” is now this melancholic and unbearable situation. Is no mistake that the song sampled here is “the breakfast machine” from pee wee’s big adventure. After all  a neglected partner can feel like a breakfast machine, an object that is there just to make your breakfast. On top of this you can see that the insomnia hasnt gone away “My dreams, they got a kissing 'cause I don't get to sleep, no”. In a lot of ways the girlfriend is feeling used as just a relief from the man’s suffering but not as someone who is being truly loved.

1000 spoons

We go back to the woman’s perspective. At first it just seems like a simple melancholic situation where she is sad the relationship is not working, but then we see the woman have a full mental breakdown as the song changes and becomes much more deranged and we get to see what is really happening. The man ran away on their wedding day. This is represented by the lyrics “is like rain on your wedding day” because it means the wedding has been ruined. She is heartbroken by this.

Mouth dreams (extro)

Appropriately as the previous song talked about a wedding being ruined by “rain” this song begins with the sound of rain. This is the big emotional climax of the story, the music at its most dramatic. Now i will admit, even for me this is a stretch, im willing to concede most of what i am about to say is essentially built out of whole cloth and me wanting to fit a neat full narrative into this album where there is none, but hey, what is art for?

Essentially the man is about to commit suicide, possibly by jumping off a bridge in the rain as suggested by the song being sampled “drowning”. The fact that this song is named after the album is a way to signify how everything that we have just seen weighs heavily on the man’s heart, his whole life, his memories, his trauma, and he is finally ready to end it all. He jumps.

But at the last second his wife jumps after him and drags him to the shore, the last we see is her trying to perform mouth to mouth resuscitation, as indicated by the song,”love me mouth to mouth now…” he is unconscious and presumably finally sleeping peacefully (maybe dead?) “...cover me with dreams, yeah”.

It might look like he will not survive, as implied by the sinister version of all star encroaching over the song. But as it looks like all hope is lost he finally WAKES UP.

In a way this song is also when we finally catch up with the start of the album where we saw the man desperately hollering for human contact and merely echos responding, except now someone finally answered, and he is finally ready to open up and share his story.

Brithoven

Even though this song is sung by a single person i choose to take it as a dialog between the couple, both of them sharing their regrets about their relationship with each other, her recriminating the fact that she couldnt have known what he was going through “oh baby bay, how was i supposed to know, that something wasnt right here” and him finally admitting that he needs help “My loneliness is killing me”.

Finally they both agree to try it again and give their relationship a second chance “hit me baby one more time”

Ain’t

Part of me is conflicted about this song, i kind of want to disregard it, mainly because i think its kind of a weird way to end an album and also because i just dont feel is a very good mashup really. The lyrics dont mix that well with the song, they are paced in an inconsistent way and overall feel like they never truly click. On top of that it just doesnt fit at all with the narrative that i have been building during this analysis.

There is talk about alcoholism and parent abandoment, this time by the father, a figure that was never mentioned during the album. The last line says “say it aint so” which doesnt particularly seem to reflect on any of the themes i’ve been building upon. Ultimately i think i will just leave it besides and be content that i managed to fit almost all of the album into one story, this process was never meant to be a perfect dissection of the carefully planned story that neil deliberately crafted but rather me having fun seeing pictures in a rorshach test.

So anyway that was Mouth dreams, let me know what you thought.

[aharris00britney]

ASKS 20

lmao last time i did one of these was February there is a lot

Anonymous said: What's your collab process when you and other creators make packs? Like how do you decide to do it together and how do you split up the ideas and everything?

I’m going to answer another ask outside of this post that details this but I’ll answer this one here too. The way me and ayoshi do packs is not like a usual collab (in my opinion I don’t think people collab like this). I am good at making meshes. So usually I make a mesh for something and ayoshi makes a base texture that I can use to finish the base of the top/bottom and then we work together to fix any texture issues. Nothing we’ve made has ever been 100% mine or 100% his except for the hairs. Sometimes a mesh is easy but the texture requires a lot of work so it’s more work for him, sometimes I decide I want to try and texture something (like with this AxA I made textures for some of the clothes) and then ayoshi will clean the texture up for me and add some shading for me. So it’s a lot different than what I imagine most collabs are. But I love the way me and him work together and the ability to change something I don’t like because it isn’t just his, it’s ours. 

Anonymous said: I'm so excited for your new AxA collab that female hair is stunning!!

Anonymous said: I s2g if it werent for your cc my sims would just have to walk around naked lmao you literally make the game playable for me, so thank you ❤❤❤❤❤

thank you!!! Assuming the 2nd ask is about AxA too because that’s the only time I make clothes lmao. Excited for you guys to see everything this week. 

Anonymous said: Do you know anyone who recolours your hairs? They’re so gorgeous I’d love to see them in more colours! Xx

I usually reblog recolors of my hair at @aharris00britneyrecolors​.

Anonymous said: I'm a sucker for your sim Bella. Every time I see Bella as your hair models, I click and download

Anonymous said: Hi, sorry to bother, are you planning on uploading your Bella Sim Anytime soon? Love your content!

Bella is a queen, she’s a streamer in my game at the AH00B house. I don’t think I’m going to upload my Sims anymore though :( I have a ton of sliders and presets in my game and I have no idea which ones I use. I have 3 of the ones I know I use listed on my resource page but there are so many more and I don’t want to share them and they be broken in peoples games.

Anonymous said: will there be an axa this year im in desperate need of new clothes for my sims :(

I got this a few days ago before the teaser came out which I thought was funny fvghb yes there will be one

@lysssimpatico​ said: I was wondering if you might consider making the Elli hair have ombre accessory options. There aren't any cute curly ponytail ombres anywhere!

I think I tried making an ombre accessory for it when I made the hair and it didn’t fully work with the way I changed the UV maps. I’m sorry :(

Anonymous said: why the HELL is your dog so cute lemme have her please

Right? She’s an angel omg my dad is watching her while my foot heals but I miss her so much fghvbj 

Anonymous said: Your Daphne hair is so cute!!

thank you! 

Anonymous said: I have the feeling everyone knows what kind of Supernatural they would be if they were one, so what's yours?

I think I would want to be a ghost so i could fuck with people ya

Anonymous said: Does the Natilie hair need to be updated?

Nope, all the updated stuff is in my post that lists all the updated content off. Everything on my download page is up to date.

Anonymous said: Hi im just submitting an idea if you want to - i love your melanie hair and i was wondering if its possible to remove the accessory on it? im sorry if im bothering you im new to all this hope you have a nice day!!

hey :) I am pretty sure someone had to have made a hair similar to that already as it’s just the university ponytail with new ponytail on it. If not I could look into doing it sometime in the future. 

Anonymous said:I LOVE U 😍

and i love u

Anonymous said: Do you know if there’s any hair accessories (like ones that change the color of it) that work with your Elli Hair? ❤️

It comes with an accessory that changes the elastic :)

Anonymous said: Hellooo! first of all, how are you? how´s your day? i´m sorry but, do you know if someone makes maxis match hairs based in kpop videos? I´m searching for that bull all i can find is alpha hair and i´m not into alpha cc :( Thank you very much! have a great day!

I’m not sure if there are people that specifically only do that but I think there are a handful of creators that get inspired from kpop/music videos and make hairs similar to that. Cause we use EA meshes most of the time the hairs aren’t going to look exactly like the inspiration though. Like I have two hairs that are based off Go Won from loona (Go Won hair and Kelsey Hair) but i don’t think you can tell that just from looking at them. 

Anonymous said: I downloaded the new version of the sydnie braids but my game says they're corrupted and won't let me play with them in my mods folder

try to redownload and they should work, I haven’t had any other issues. 

Anonymous said: hey, i was just wondering whether you did or are thinking of doing eyelashes at any point

I am not lmao I don’t think I would be able to make my own eyelashes

Anonymous said: you are incredibly prolific. constantly amazed and delighted by your high-quality work. have a good day king

thank you!!!!

Anonymous said: aaaahh I know this is probably a long shot but I was wondering if you had the quartz eyes psd? I've been trying to find it but all of the links I've stumbled onto are dead :( thank you in advance!! ♥️ and no problem if you don't have it or can't share it :)

here is a link to a post that has the PSD

Anonymous said: the mica hair looks so cute 🥺 you’re amazing

thank you! It’s named after the main singer from Magdalena Bay ;n; i love them

@whendowestopcaring​ said: I love, love, love your work!! + your blog, aesthetic, etc. Keep it up!

thank you!!!! pink and blue all the way bb

@marsupialmother​ said: Not an ask, just a comment. All you stuff is so beautiful. Thank you for being such an amazing creator!!!

no, thank you for sending me this! I appreciate it a ton <3 have a wonderful day

Anonymous said: How long have you been creating CCs for?

I recolored a get together cardigan in Dec 2015 and started making hair in November of 2016 to promote Britney Spears lmao. So around 4-5 years. 

Anonymous said: hi!! just wanted to say i love the item index download option! thank you for your awesome cc and organization :)

You’re welcome! item indexes make things so much easier I agree, happy to help simplify things for downloaders. also they look nice so that’s a plus for me. 

Anonymous said: i love your cc, they are really beautiful but can you do more male hair cc? im just asking

I prefer doing female stuff tbh, I feel like I’m better at it and I get more ideas. But i did 4 male hairs in this upcoming AxA 2020 pack and a bunch of male clothes. I’m sorry I can’t do more :( I just don’t get inspired to make much male stuff personally.

Anonymous said: what happened to Ayoshi???

he’s in the basement working on AxA, don’t ask.  he actually just doesn’t like being on Simblr anymore but still likes making CC with me, so we just make cc on call sometimes when we get bored of a game we’re playing. he sends his regards from the basement of AH00B studios <3

Anonymous said: hello i love all your cc and you’re my favorite creator, i have a question, are you planning to make some more clothes anytime soon?

getting these while working on AxA was so funny because there are like 80 new clothes for male/female sims in it and i was like... these people don’t know what they have coming their way. thank you!

Anonymous said: 💃 How you make all your item index for your pack and collab? 💃

I make mine in Word using tables and then save as PDF. Here’s a peak at the AxA 2020 one

Anonymous said: am i on drugs or have u uploaded an eco lifestyle kids dress conversion? i remember seeing it so vividly, (the zip up kids dress), but maybe it was another creator... lol

I think that was from grimcookies! Here is a link to his eco lifestyle add on set that he made. 

Anonymous said: would you happen to know how to get rid of the weird gloss that can be on some cc hairs?

if you download Sims4Studio and open the package you can make the specular blank but that could cause issues in your game if you play on certain graphic settings. So do it with caution. 

Anonymous said: Awww we have very similar life aspirations, I just want a boring/calm life, settle down with a wife (I'm a lesbian) and become an lit teacher.

yup yup boring lifes are where it’s at. Like i just want something simple lmao if I wanted exciting I wouldn’t do teaching. 

Anonymous said: hi! i hope youre doing well! could you please tell me wcif the two toned jeans on the sim in your eco lifestyle addon collection?

They’re in AxA 2020! We have had so much of the stuff done for a while so i’ve been using it in previews for a while lmao. 

Anonymous said: WAIT is the Love Bomb palette named after the Fromis_9 song???

yessss ayoshi is their #1 fan

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Comparing RWBY and YGO DM: The Handling and Evolution of Themes

Hey! Its been a hot minute since I last posted anything RWBY-related but Im laying in my bed right now and Im sick and bored so I guess we're doing this. Today I will do my best to analyze what I percieve to be the main themes and messages of both of these shows, or more specifically, how theyre handled narratively. Im mostly focusing on that part because, while these series do have similar themes and messaging, they are still a few things in which they are wildly different. And with that, lets start with this essay-post-thing!

1. Theres something we need to adress first

Okay so, before we can really talk about this, theres something I feel the need to clarify here: Neither of these stories was "planned from the beginning".

Now, I dont think a story being planned from the beginning or not nesscessarily makes the story any better or worse by default, however, it is still important to acknowledge because the way the story is planned is going to affect every facet of it. Things are not going to be foreshadowed properly, things are gonna be set up only for nothing to come of it, the story might drastically change directions, characters might act differently, etc, etc.

And, this is bit off-topic but, it's much better to just admit that the story was not planned than trying to pretend that it was. Like, there are a lot of reasons why I tend to be so forgiving towards YGO even though its not very good, but one of them is definitely the fact that, as far as Im aware atleast, the guy who wrote it isnt pretending to have had this big master plan all along and neither is the fandom. With RWBY on the other hand... yeaaaah, its kinda the opposite. From what Ive seen of RWBYs fandom, there seems to be this pretty popular narrative that everything was planned even though it clearly wasnt. Thats pretty bad and honestly lowers my opinion of the writers so much more than if they would just admit to not having a proper plan.

Like, I initially consumed YGO like this: Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters, Yu-Gi-Oh (aka Season 0), like, a quarter of the Yu-Gi-Oh manga (I still havent finished it)

In all three of these we have the character of Yami Yuugi, or just Yami. Broadly speaking, he is an ancient egyptian gamer spirit who lives in a magical puzzle that has not been solved for 3000 years until this highschooler named Yuugi Mutou comes along and solves it, thus setting him free and allowing him to possess Yuugi and have access to the vague magical powers of the puzzle.

In Duel Monsters he's perfectly fine most of time, morally speaking. There is an instance of him almost murdering a guy and its a bit unclear what exactly happens to those he mindcrushes but overall he's very much a pretty good guy. In Season 0 most of what he does is set up these games for bad people, where they will go insane no matter what they do. From how I understand this whole Shadow Game, Penalty Game stuff, if you lose a Shadow Game, you get violent and intense hallucinations and you will always cuz yknow, gamer spirit. But if you try to cheat, which most of the bad people do in this show, you get violent and intense hallucinations as a punishment.

Since the two anime are generally considered two different continuities, its perfectly fine that Yamis characterization is wildly different in both of them. But in the manga both of these characterizations appear, basically one after the other with no real arc or consequences, for that matter. Why is that? Simply put, someone thought it was a good idea to try to turn an episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror manga into a more traditional, more plot-driven battle shounen. From what Ive heard, it was apparently largely because of network interference or something, but the point is, it changed directions incredibly drastically with little planning and everyone knows this and I can understand that for the most part.

In RWBY we have the character of Blake Belladonna, who, in the first 3 volumes/seasons atleast, was this aloof, more toned down loner-type character with a pretty strong sense of justice. She's an in-universe marginilized racial minority and she clearly cares about racial injustice. The way its initially framed makes it seem like she had a very hard life and no stable support system, which is what eventually pushed her to join a Civil Rights group/Terrorist organization (good god, the Faunus subplot is so awful, I could write a whole essay about it but Im already de-railing rn so I'll just save that for later).

Then, in volumes 4-5 it turns out her father is actually like, the mayor or chief of this island-place called Menagerie and she grew up in this big mansion with multiple guards/servants. Oh and also, apparently "space is a commodity" on there, so theres that. She still retains large parts of her personality but she's kinda like, worse somehow I think. I cant really describe it in a meaningful way but I hope you get what Im saying anyway. Then in Volume 6 she confronted her emotional abuser Adam (sorry for not mentioning him sooner but yeah, he was like, her abusive boyfriend, which is something that a lot of people disagree with but I wont really say anything about it either way because I dont really feel any specific way) with her friend, Yang, and ended up killing him.

After all that, she pretty much lost the rest of her personality, as well as her arc about all the Faunus stuff. She just kinda became the meek, generically nice, recovering abuse victim. Why? Well, the actual reason is that they didnt plan out shit and are just kinda flying by the seat of their oversized clown-pants and if they and the fandom just admitted it, I would have less of an issue. I still wouldnt be as forgiving towards RWBY as I am towards YGO because the crux of the issue, for me, is just that I dont particulary like RWBY but also like. Do you really expect me to take MKEK seriously as writers after admitting to not have a timeline because iT wOuLd CaUsE pLoThOlEs?

However, since they want us to believe that everything was planned out from the beginning, the explaination would be.... Idk, they deliberately butchered one of their main characters?? Because.. they hate her?? Maybe????

So yeah, that was quite a detour however, I would like you to keep this mind going forward.

2. Themes of the Early Series'

First, what do mean by 'Early Series' for both of these shows respectively? Well, for YGO that would have to be Season 0 or if youre reading the manga, everything pre-Duelist Kingdom. Basically, the part of the series thats a episodic, very slice of life-y light-horror series.

For RWBY that would be the first three Volumes, also known as the Poser-Era. Back then it was just kinda an action series that took place at Anime Warrior Academy (also known as Beacon) with some pretty bare minimum worldbuilding, character-driven plots and developments but now its more of an epic high-fantasy story with more of an emphasis on plot as opposed to just action.

The themes and messages in Early YGO are kinda vague, very confusing to me and if you were to follow any of it literally that would be pretty bad. For now Im just gonna say the main themes are Friendship and Identity and mostly focus on the Identity aspect.

Now, it took me a little while to figure out RWBYs deal but I think the main themes for Volumes 1-3 are also Friendship and Heroism. Once again, I'll mostly focus on Heroism and touch on Friendship more briefly later.

I dont have much more to add to YGOs themes right now, so I'll briefly go over Heroism in RWBY.

In RWBYs setting there are these man-eating monsters called Grimm that have basically infected the planet. In order to deal with that, they have people called huntsmen and huntresses that kill them and protect people. Theyre trained at special academies like Beacon and go on missions there and stuff like that. Our four main characters, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and Yang, are training to become huntresses and one day they go on this mission to clean up a grimm infested city block with one of their teachers. Obviously, that takes a long time so they have to camp out in one of the empty houses. Weiss, Blake and Yang cant sleep because theyve been thinking about this question that their teacher asked them when they were fighting grimm: "Why do you want to become a huntress?"

They have a heart to heart and we find out about their motivations; Weiss wants to bring honour back to her family, Blake want to distance herself from the White Fang (that terrorist organization I mentioned earlier) and as an extension from Adam, Yang wants to have a life of adventure. They also talk about why Ruby wants to be a huntress and it turns out that she judt wants to help people. Unlike the others, she has no motivation besides that. We're meant to listen to that and look at her as a sort-of personification of Heroism: kind, but not naive, strong and most of all, selfless. The others on her team are not portayed as bad for not being like Ruby by any means but we are clearly meant to admire her the most out of all of them.

Okay, now comes the part Ive been looking forward to the most:

3. How did these themes evolve in the Modern Series'?

Alright, before we can really delve into the way they evolved in YGO I'll have to give you a brief summary of the character progression. At the start of DM, during the Duelist Kingdom arc, Yami Yuugi is just that; A darker Yuugi. Hes more confident, bolder, his voice is deeper, hes somehow taller, more ruthless, all that good stuff. Notably, he doesnt actually seem more skilled than Yuugi even at the start of this story, but he's still dependent on Yami. Yami on the other hand, has no identity of his own or even hints at one at this point. He's just The Other Yuugi.

Then during the Battle City arc, they find out that Yami was actually a pharao prior to being sealed in the puzzle, he just didnt know because of amnesia, I guess. So now they need to find out his real name and then send him to the afterlife because hes meant to be dead, but not before saving the world from being swallowed by darkness, which is also a thing they have to do now.

Then we finally get to the Memory World arc, where Yami, Yuugi and the rest of the gang astralproject to ancient egypt via puzzle magic. Yami is trying to figure out what the hell is going on and who all these familiar people are, while Yuugi & Co are trying their best to help him. Then some weird shit happens and it turns out that all of that is not just Yamis sealed away memories, but also a giant D&D Shadow Game that will destroy the world if Yami loses. So now theres Pharao!Yami who is still clueless on the metaphorical and literal playing field and Player!Yami, who is kinda controlling himself now? I guess?? Yamis opponent, The Spirit of The Ring, has something similar to that going on where hes both controlling and properly participating in the game. So Player!Yami is now fighting against Player!TSoTR, Pharao!Yami is now fighting against Thief King Bakura (who is like, the human, ancient egyptian version of the Ring Spirit) and Yuugi is now fighting against Yami Bakura (who is like, the human, modern japanese version of the Ring Spirit). Yuugi gets Yamis real name, he and the gang go over to Pharao!Yami and tell him his name, meanwhile Player!Yami is also somehow helping as well and they defeat the Ring Spirit, thus saving the world. Then they travel to modern Egypt, the Ceremonial Duel happens and Yuugi wins, sending Yami to the Afterlife where he can finally rest and that was the series!

I originally wanted to recount the stuff that was going on with the Ring Spirit and his host as well because they parallel eachother, but this summary is already far too long and I think youll get the point without me needing to explain any more.

My point here is, that the story went from being vaguely about Identity, maybe? to being very clearly about Self-Discovery and Learning to Be Independent. I think this is a very good way to evolve the messaging of your story. How does RWBY track on that?

Well, uh... its not great. I will acknowledge that they have tried to introduce new themes and ideas since, even though I wont really be talking about them in this post. But yeah, the whole Heroism thing really regressed.

Like, I didnt explicitly say it when I was explaining grimm earlier, but theyre not going away. The grimm have always been there and people who sign up to become huntsmen and huntresses are effectively signing up for a job that will never truly be done, no matter what they do. Characters like Ruby and even more minor ones like Phyrrah have shown us that that doesnt matter when youre a hero. No life isnt worth saving, no grimm isnt worth killing, no criminal isnt worth arresting. Then, in volume 6 they find out about Salem. Salem is the Big Bad of the show, shes immortal, controls the grimm and is supposed to be very powerful.

What do our heroes do? They give up. Sike! They were just mindcontrolled by monsters or some shit, of course they didnt give up their mission (which is to bring an Important Macguffin to a city called Atlas, sorry I didnt mention it)!

But then they arrive in Atlas (which is llike, a city thats floating over another city called Mantle) and yknow, they do some plot stuff thats not really important right now until the city gets invaded by Salem and this big grimm army she has.

What do our heroes do? Well, Ruby, Weiss, Blake and some side characters are chilling, drinking tea in a mansion and Yang and the B Team were actually trying to do something, but even those efforts seem incredibly minimal.

Oh wait, I also forgot to mention that Ironwood (a fairly minor, vaguely antagonistic character up until now) wanted to lift Atlas even higher to save Atleasian civilians from danger while leaving Mantle vulnerable to Salems invasion.

What would be the most heroic thing to do?

A) Let Ironwood lift Atlas, get as much support as they can down to Mantle and save as many Mantle civilians as they can from the invasion

B) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas but then split up in order to protect both Atlas and Mantle civilians

C) Prevent Ironwood from lifting Atlas and then dont do anything else

Congrats! If you choose C, you think exactly like the writers!

And I just

This is so mindboggling to me, I feel like I shouldnt even have explain how this is bad. And like, it wouldve been so easy to actually make them seem herokc through their actions, to make it seem like they did try but no.

I have never seen a central theme be this botched, how in the world did they do that? Why did they think it was a good idea for Ruby "The Embodiment of Heroism" Rose to sit in a mansion doing nothing, no planning, no organizing just ..... God, how are they this bad? Like, this doesnt even have anything to do with it being planned in any way, this is just straight up incompetence

4. Very briefly touching on friendship

The friendship is awful and its not solely because they all have the same opinions. They barely interact with eachother outside their designated pairs which leads to it all feeling incredibly hollow. Theyre also practically indistingushable from one another now, which is a shame because it wasnt always like that. Like, I dont think the characters were that well-developed in earlier volumes but they were very well-characterized. But now we've gotten to a point where you can literally copy and paste one characters dialogue onto another and literally nothing changes, it really sucks.

5. Some closing words

Damn, this took way longer than I thought it would and now Im pretty exhausted. I have no idea how yall always write these but props to you! I feel like this ended up a bit rambly but overall, Im pretty proud.

Please let me know what you think of the points I brought up! Id also really appreciate some tips on how to get better at these longer posts because I am planning on writing more in the future (not the near future, probably but yknow).

Thats all I have to say for now, thanks for reading!

[og-danny-dorito]

Bucky Barnes SFW Headcanons

a new hyperfixation to avoid my growing anxiety with my personal life? yall already know whats up, and i'm feeling angsty so brace yourself

PUBLISHED :  2 - 17 - 20

S F W : 

- to start off of a positive and happy note (jk you already know thats not how it works) its very likely that upon first meeting, any touch directed towards him is met with an alarmed grunt and/or a slap of your hand away

- anything unsolicited makes him nervous and uncomfortable, so if you really do want to pat his shoulder or hug him or something like that you'd have to ask if it's okay first. now it's pretty easy to see the reasoning behind this but for those doubting it i will explain

- big man has been trained to kill in hand to hand combat and advanced weaponry and countless other things, meaning that he's pretty much wired by this point to have a gut reaction that automatically goes to the fight or flight instinct. it doesn't make logical sense that he wouldn't get uncomfortable and jumpy at loud noises and unsolicited touching since his ptsd has accumulated over the years to MAKE him react like that. he doesn't want to accidentally punch you in the teeth

- like yeah he's all tough and shit and could break the a dude’s neck if he really tried, but the issue is that once his walls are broken down he's sort of akin to that of a regulated killing machine having to redo its wiring to be “normal” again. the transition itself would be traumatic, but the process of initiating it would be even more difficult

- so that means that in the first few months of his recovery, he probably would do a lot of absent-minded staring and just long spells of silence where he just doesn't do anything. it's sort of like a reloading point for his brain, and he starts to pick up the habit of daydreaming a lot. sometimes you'll have to say his name a few times to snap him out of it, but when he does come to he looks a little embarrassed

- it's not that easy to elicit an emotional reaction out of him. you'd have to be fairly close with him to actually get most responses out of him that are more than a word long, and so thus starts my favorite trope; hard depressed kill man falls for person who just Keeps Trying

- it's not that easy to get under his skin, but meeting him somewhere normally and constantly talking to him will probably start to make him feel more encouraged to speak in the sense of making normal conversation

- he's a little awkward so in this case patience goes a long way (as does with pretty much everything with him). it gets to the point where after a month or so he may feel weird if he doesn't talk to you at that specific time of the day. if he's grown that fond of you he'll even go out of his way to ask a few people where you are

- part of him hates getting this attached for a number of reasons. there's that nagging feeling in the back of his mind that his environment is temporary and getting attached to the things and people there will hurt him more than he'd like. while he knows that it's not temporary, that he's not leaving anytime soon and probably won't for a while, it all goes back to the killing machine thing

- when he was under hydra’s control, the only thing that was certain was the base he resided in and it's hard to come out of a state of mind where the only thing you know to be continuous is your continued existence as a tool. the place itself brings back horrible memories, but you get what i mean

- so initially he may resist conversation for that very reason

- he tends to pick up on details more than anything, and most of your smaller traits tend to make him quickly used to you. like for instance, if you're prone to pursuing your lips and narrowing your eyes at something odd you've heard or seen, he might find it cute mentally and then immediately correct himself for it. if you tend to snort a little and roll your eyes when you laugh, he's going to notice that and MAYBE try to pay more attention when something funny is said to hear it again

- i would generally think that he doesn't really have much a type or preference at all. in fact, i'm pretty sure the only thing he seemed consciously aware of that he likes in a partner is ability to understand. cause if you can't forgive him for the things he's done and see why he does what he does now, he can't bring himself to feel like he needs to go through all of his self hatred and doubt more intensely than he already is

- he probably is asexual as well but that's sort of iffy considering he's canon been in sexual relationships so that's a maybe. but he's definitely demiromantic. it's not that easy for him to find people attractive anymore. when he starts to get to know you better he starts feeling some sort of way and picking up on MORE details that you may not even notice yourself

- bucky is also incredibly skilled at remembering things you might've said a month ago and completely forgot about. some find this off putting and that's understandable, but when it comes down to it, its a product of sorta okay memory

- “My cousin almost flipped his car over this week.”

- “Phillipe?”

- “Uh, yeah. How did you...?”

- “You mentioned him two weeks ago... when he almost fell of your roof the week before.”

- “I did?”

- remembers dates, names, eye colors, and a multitude of other things, so sometimes he'll just mention something important you may have forgotten and pretend like he definitely wasn't paying too much attention to you. it's surprising how good his memory is even though he can't remember any of his past. so this most likely means that he has issues with remembering events and how they happened, but not the details of them. like how you can remember your shirt color a few week s back but not what you did while wearing that shirt

- and on that note, he kinda shuts down if he gets a weird flashback in the middle of something. they're mostly triggered by smells and sounds, but sometimes if he sees something while he's walking down the street he'll just stop and stare at it. it's best just to stop and stare at it with him, or alternatively if you don't want stares, act like you're taking a picture. but don't talk to him while it's happening cause it'll interrupt the train of thought and derail him completely

- he tends to talk a lot about things if he's grown very invested in them (he's very good at keeping focus). if you're out walking together or just sitting down he might stare and absentmindedly reach out to touch you before stopping himself at the last minute. gently grabbing his hand and placing it wherever he wanted to touch makes him flustered every time. that and hes super soft but is afraid to be vulnerable around anyone

- just gently grabbing his hand makes him all mushy, and it’s more often than not that he finds himself weak when someone shows pretty much any form of affection or endearment towards him

- probably not into pda though, not that much. he will hold your hand if you want to, but don’t expect to like sit in his lap or like straight upstart kissing in public cause any attention in a public setting makes him nervous

- really likes a kind of homey s/o. someone who likes to cook or bake or whatever makes him feel a little bit like he doesn't have to worry about something for a while. like if he comes home and dinner is just waiting on the table for him or you’ve already drawn a bath for him and/or made the bed or whatever, he literally appreciates that above pretty much anything else

- love language is most likely acts of service. hes not very good with words unless he like thinks it out beforehand, but pretty much buys you gifts all the time because he likes seeing you light up when you see them. he does try to spend as much time as he can with you but either anxiety gets the best of him or hes literally too busy, and so it ends up being more distant with him coming over a few times during the week, even if you live together. and we already know the deal with physical touch so im not gonna restate my strong belief in “big man has trauma no touch big man unless A S K”

- but a lot of the things he does are situational. one day he may be very down to be super affectionate and the other he’ll be painfully distant, but the main issue with all of it is that hes very very bad at communication

- this poses an issue for a number of reasons, but his responses and reactions are more physical than anything. so for instance, if hes uncomfortable with something he’ll start to shift and stare and be very tense the whole time it’s occurring, or if he’s feeling a bit more sad or depressed he’ll isolate himself and consistently stand slouched or look as if he hasn't gotten enough sleep. it’s mostly body language, but after a while he’ll feel safe enough to tell you how he feels about certain things

- this takes a while to actually happen, but when it does he manages to just,,, say things that are on his mind. like you’ll be reading or scrolling through your phone or whatever and he’ll randomly be like “The table has a lot of scratches on it.” it’s just observations he has, but usually it translates to him wanting to change the stated fact. best thing to do is just to roll with it, since hes practically learning how to communicate again and he’s picking up on things socially

- now let's get to the “a little fluffy” and “kinda-already-known” shit, shall we?

-  miscellaneous headcanons;

gets jealous pretty easily in the early stages of your relationship, but only ever indicates this by staring the person in question down and refusing to admit to it later

likes having his hair put up into cool hairstyles and likes colored rubber bands (or hair ties if youre not where i'm from). seriously, he may loose his shit if you just like put cool braids in his hair one day like hes a viking or whatever

kind of tone deaf but his singing is more of like this raspy and slightly more “Misty Mountains” vocals sounding

is touch sensitive, so even doing something as small as like rubbing your thumb on his arm makes his hair raise on end

doesn't like his metal arm at all and quite obviously wears long sleeves all the time to hide it, but occasionally wears short sleeves when he's feeling less insecure

oh, super insecure btw and THATS why he feels all mushy when someone is kind to him because he KNOWS he's a freak and that he's weird but you're not still being sweet??? too pure, must protect

gives great hugs since he practically smothers anyone he meets with them, but is also basically a walking heater

is terrified of the idea of taking care of children or just anything weaker than him, but is good with them since they always hang on his arms and hold his legs when he walks

super strong

likes sweets a whole lot, specifically fruity sweets like apple pie or peach cobbler. never bring those wallmart cakes or whatever near him cause it'll be gone in like an hour flat unless you tell him to leave you some

- in conclusion, he needs therapy and probably won't be very responsive when he's not sure what to do. it doesn't mean he loves you any less, but he may have a hard time communicating it to you. all he really needs is some patience and a bit of understanding, and he'll get better with the whole s/o thing soon enough. cause you mean the world to him, and he doesn't want anyone or anything to make you feel like less than that

[remuseatsdeodorant]

Darkside!Logan

Nobody asked for me to talk about him but here I am anyway.

Got long so it’s under a cut now.

Explination goes into how recent episodes have been altered, thus any content warnings on DWIT and SvS should likely be heeded.

~~

-Logan wasn’t always a dark side, Logic is a good and useful thing after all.

-But a side can only handle being ignored and pushed aside for the emotions for so long.

-I’m thinking sometime around the Puppet episode. Logan has become so frustrated and angry that he’s being pushed aside and the other sides seem to just be annoyed by him.

-Obviously it’s been building up for awhile, and He’s been trying to logic himself out of his anger, push the emotions down, just keep trying, surely they’ll listen eventually.

-And well they dont. and now theyre singing this stupid song? This isn’t going to help Thomas with the issue that logically, he shouldn’t even have.

-The others didn’t expect this, Logan seemed to be opening up, goofing around with the others…

-So when he started literally glitching and lashing out at them near the end of their happy song, then disappeared… They were clearly worried.

-They quickly wrap things up with Thomas, and try to go to Logans room to check on him.

-The door is there, certainly. It’d be illogical if it were to disappear. But they cant open it. They can’t hear anything inside.

-Roman starts plotting to break down the door, Patton a bit shakey, but trying his best to help him with the plan.

-Virgil’s trying to stay calm, but Roman and Pattons frantic brainstorming isn’t helping. He mumbles that they should probably just leave him alone, he’ll come out when he’s calmed himself. He’s Logic, he’s good at that.

-Patton and Roman hesitantly agree, the three returning to their rooms, or helping Thomas with basic things.

-Meanwhile Logan is pacing in his room, the quiet hums of the new robotic bits breaking the otherwise perfect silence.

-He’s trying to ignore that Deciet sits on his bed, a large, yet somewhat sympathetic grin.

-He supposes he can kind of accept there’s some emotions. The current pace of his heart seems to prove that he’s panicing.

-He pauses his pacing, a gloved? Metallic? Both? Hand over his mouth as he stares at the wall, quickly tapping a foot.

-”Logan” Calls Deciet from the bed.

-Logan expected a more sinister tone from Deciet, not one so sad. So he turns his head, glancing at Deciet, wincing a bit at the metal creaking, but otherwise looking annoyed by the unwelcome side.

-Deciet’s smile softens, a head tilting, “They finally got to you, didn’t they?” Logan rolls his eyes as Deciet continues, “I expected Roman or Virgil, you seemed much more…. Stable…”

-”I’d prefer if you didn’t point out my failure, Deciet…” Logans tone seeming much more deadpan than normal.

-They proceed to talk for some time, Deciet helping Logan to accept what’s happened, saying the “light sides” are always so dismissive of those they disagree with…

-The sides don’t see or hear anything from Logan until Selfishness vs. selflessness.

-Deciet pops up, looking like Logan, after the sides and Thomas freak out, ask if he’s alright, and Deciet plays it off, they get started on the real issue.

-What the sides don’t know is that Logan was in on it this time.

-Once Deciet is discovered, the sides are right back to worrying about Logan. Virgil assumes Deciet did something to him, Deciet claims innocence (Which is mostly true), though he doesn’t go into any detail about him even though the sides are suspecting he knows something.

-The episode proceeds as normal until Deciet calls in Logan. He’s obviously still doing his job, just a bit quieter than before.

-The others are all freaking out again while Deciet and Logan sit and wait for them to calm down. Logan not answering a single question tossed at him.

-Once they quiet down, Logan says, “Ah so now you all wish to hear from me. Anyway, You called, Deciet?”

-The same questioning occurs until Patton comes up. Patton avoiding all questions related to the issue, trying to get any bit of information on where Logan has been.

-Logan is incredibly vague.

-”I’ve been doing my job. Working to improve Thomas. I just told all of this to Deciet, is it necessary to ask for these answers again?”

-Logan willingly zaps himself to the back of the room.

-Every time someone tries to refer to Logan as the Logical one, he corrects them to Apathy. While he is still the Logical side, he’s renamed his title. Deciet is the only one to not refer to him as Logic.

-The episode continues and concludes reletively the same, though Logan just speaks up whenever needed, rather than trying to gain attention before answering questions. And the awkward atmosphere, of course.

-Once again, Logan goes into silence. He seems to appear within the mind palace occasionally, but almost like a cryptid, the sides think they saw him, but then he was just… Gone…

-Then Remus.

-Deciet had told Logan that Remus was going to bother the others, but not many details. The snake seemed rather good at keeping specifics to himself.

-Roman attempts to pull Logan up multiple times while trying to gain information, before Logan eventually pops in himself, startling the other sides.

-They’re finally able to get a proper look at him now, though Logan goes straight into buisness.

-Shrugging off the sides concern once again, He immediately asks about the intrusive thoughts once Roman asks, not pausing when the others attempt to shut him up.

-The reaction bit still occurs, just as Logans own comment on the reactions of Patton, Virgil, and Thomas. Especially considering nothing happened when the words were spoken.

-Yet.

-Logan attempts to continue the discussion of the thoughts, but everyone decides to push them aside.

-Logan takes notice of Remus begining to pop up, and takes his leave, the others trying to get him to stay.

-Song, without Logan, but a mention that he opened the door to let him out for the episode. (Through Logans pushing of the subject)

-Virgil attempts to take Logans spot through the episode, as Thomas is a bit too tired for Logic to push through.

-This of course means that Thomas loses some information, as Logan is not there to explain Remus.

-The sides struggle for awhile as they continue giving Remus attention, and trying to shut im up.

-Logan pops in momentarily a few times, reading a book to show he’s only slightly bored watching everyone struggle. He mumbles bits of advise before popping out with no answers.

-”Ignore him” “You can’t quiet him” “He’ll get bored eventually if you stop listening”

-His first pop in is for “Thomas’ friends and family is one thing, but his work? Is nothing sacred?”

-To which Remus actually apologizes, Logan pops away, then Thomas questions the line, then Remus continues on his train of thought.

-After Virgil struggles to get Patton to stop attempting repression, he manages to calm himself and tries to logic things out. Bringing up the things Logan keeps popping up and saying. That Logan must keep popping in for a reason.

-Logan doesnt pop in and stay until Virgil, Patton, and Thomas can all agree that they need Logan’s help. Which, given the emotional load of Virgil and Patton, that’s a very difficult task.

-The three almost begging Logan to stay when he next pops in.

-Logan goes on to explain things to everyone, his voice taking on a very angered/annoyed lecturing tone, and Remus being rather patient with Logan compared to the canon episode.

-One detail Deciet told Logan was that Remus likes to be violent, thus Logan was prepared for Remus to start attempting to “harm” him.

-This is the first time the two dark sides speak, they both make multiple refrences to Deciet in their back and forth, implying that they’ve been comunicating through the snake until now.

-When Remus disappears momentarily, and everyone takes notice, Logan pulls up his book, turns a page and, “Oh no, dont do thaat.” A sarcastic warning, before Remus pops up again.

-Logan coldly lectures the sides once more, finishing with a, “I hope you recognize how useful Logic can be in the future.” then vanishes.

-Remus is wrapped up, the others mention that Logan was pretty cool, but they’re still worried about him.

-He can still hear them, left to have the most subtle smile.

-While being a dark side, he still pops up in the Mindscape. The others try making conversation but Logan keeps it rather short and cold.

-Roman questions why he pops up, yet the other dark sides don’t, Virgil mumbles “You guys always made them uncomfortable, but Logan is used to us, so I guess he doesn’t mind.” Roman doesn’t catch all of that.

-Logan still joins them for the Sanders Asides, but is mostly silent for it, being very blunt with every bit of input

[uninterestiing]

i liked your post on matteo taking his time to process things, so i'd love to know what your thoughts are on david being outed?

hhhhhhhhh well from what i’ve seen in the tag, i disagree with like 90% of youse and was gonna hold my thoughts till later… but since you asked… yeah i reckon its good writing actually.

(beware under the cut, this is long)

so disclaimers before people get big mad: i’ve actually been in the situation depicted. i’m a gay trans guy who came out in year 12 & to me, it’s extremely realistic. teachers in my last year of high school pulled me aside to say all kinds of nasty shit and the rumour of my transness spread around pretty fuckin quickly. it was a fucked time in my life but i didn’t have any issues watching the last clip, i enjoyed it and found it pretty relatable honestly, especially the teacher bit because its a really common thing trans kids go through to be harassed more by staff than students, but i’ve never actually seen it be depicted before… but i’ll also say, im really not easy to upset and almost impossible to offend when it comes to trans stuff. i work as an openly trans person in the media and my skin is very thick, 17 year old me who was experiencing it real-time would have probably been shaken up a bit.

that said, like i discussed in my other post about this, realism doesn’t automatically equal good storytelling! so what is good storytelling?

big subject obviously, but rn i’m gonna define it as a consistency of theme, tone, and character. (its also how well you tie all those things up at the end but i wont comment on that because… druck ain’t finished yet and we need to remember that!) plus, of course, it’s just… whether you like it? which is completely subjective, and something i can only comment on for myself!

so i think the main issue here is that people expect things from druck it never promised them, and from the very beginning was never going to be.

take the perspective issue for example, which effects tone & character immensely. i’ve seen numerous complaints that the show isn’t depicting the trans issues from an internal perspective. which is interesting, since from the very start, we’ve known that was the case. we knew it was matteo’s season, and we knew how very, very closely skam shows follow their protagonists. everything is from their perspective. so i knew it was never gonna be about trans issues from a trans perspective because david was not the main character, he’s the love interest. that was evident from day one ya’ll it’s how the show is structured. and that is Not Inherently A Bad Thing, it’s just not what some of you wanted.

however… druck has stretched the limits of perspective more than any other version. the texts, for instance, are not just the main’s, and do a lot for fleshing out the background characters. also (and this is thematically important) it showed the way outing / spreading of rumours actually happens irl. re-watching the last clip i noticed that they leave matteo’s POV for a second, and “switch” to david as he’s coming down the stairs, realising what’s happening. not so much as to break the consistency of the show’s structure, but enough to make the audience really understand the gravity of what’s happening. it’s done really fluidly and i thought it was a genius way to both keep it matteo’s story, but also, give that moment a much needed trans perspective, because i really don’t think all that ringing distortion sound was matteo’s panic. 

and really, i just don’t think a trans person needs to be the main character of the show for it to be good representation. i think they have done an exceptional job of not tokenizing david by making sure to establish his whole character & his relationship with matteo before his trans identity was confirmed on the show, in the exact same way they do with the other evens and their mental illnesses in every other version. and honestly, when it comes to trans men, there’s very little media stereotypes or negative tropes that they could have conformed to because there’s not enough representation yet for those to have actually formed. like, we know druck won’t kill david off, and i don’t really know any other tropes that exists for trans men in storytelling at the moment. a lot of the show is covering new ground subject wise, they don’t have a script to follow, so some minor blunders are to be expected.

over all, the fandom jumps the gun every damn time. the show decides to have conflict or deal with a social problem and everyone looses it, as if that’s not been the entire ethos of skam since the OG. skam / druck is a teen show that deals with identity issues. every season picks topics to educate on through the story, and they do it with a lot of care and research.that’s the whole deal, it’s why the show exists, fucking of course they aren’t going to brush over trans issues, it amazes me that people thought they would, and that there would be no conflict and it’d play out like fanfiction fluff. here’s another really good post about it.

so obviously, this season is about about being gay and being trans, but specifically about outing, and has stressed this theme all the way through, way more than any other version. so friday’s clip is what i’d call a natural culmination of theme and narrative. in terms of the queer experience, and the trans experience, i think it was a very good idea to take on coming out / outing as a central thematic and narrative through-line, because it’s one of the central things gay and trans people have in common. and then analyzing them both in comparison and contrast throughout the story, really works and makes for good fucking writing, pacing and - yup, you guessed it - consistency.

i find the choice to situate a trans man as the love interest, and therefore, an object of desire, incredibly subversive. and though yes, stories with trans protagonists are lacking, literally any form of story where trans people exist is lacking, and the creators of druck wanting to tell a story about what it means to love & be in a relationship with a trans person is just as important a story to tell as any other, and complaining about what “type” of trans story is more important to tell first, or which aspect of trans existence to highlight more, is ridiculous. at the end of the day, one story cannot cover everything, and the writers had to make choices as to where their focus would lie. and there’s literally nothing wrong with their specific choices in subject matter (being trans in the context of relationship & outing, mainly), other than personal preference.

so like i said in my previous post: wanting a comfort show where trans characters exist, but the trans experience is not plot-relevant, is fine & cool. i really want that too, but not here. getting angry or upset that druck did… exactly what skam shows do… is stupid. and then turning around and blaming your dislike, which is born out of judging a show by the wrong genre standards, on “bad writing”, is just plain wrong. this show is amazingly produced. just… c’mon guys. chill.

(also @ every weird cis person in the tag giving fuckin condolences & saying their askbox is open if someone needs to talk…… stop. literally nobody asked. its so weird. we didn’t put a call out for you to be upset on our behalf. its just a tv show. like its super important rep for us… but its also just a tv show that people can just not watch if its not your cup of tea.)

tl;dr the friday clip was fucking good and made sense because druck is well written, acted, researched and produced, is really not transphobic (in fact i’d say it’s pretty subversive), and it’s also not the creators fault when you’re disappointed by the direction taken in a show that was crystal clear what direction it was headed into!

[villainrps]

Hi everyone! You may know me as NEETU/NAV/NINA/MINA/NIA, or just by my URL, @villainrps. I had the real displeasure of having to read some shit the last few days, and I’m here to tell you that I’m not happy about it, it wasn’t okay, and here’s why! I had someone who I had never spoken to before and who I, honestly, was not consciously following confront me and admit to having stalked me over a course of several years before finally coming forward and accusing me of plagiarism. This claim has no basis in reality or fact, which I told her to her face privately before she made the decision to block me before I could reply further. I feel no great shame or even hesitation mention this person’s name or URL as they’ve threatened to write a PSA about me for something I know I haven’t done, despite what an overinflated ego believes and might have you believe, so I thought I’d beat her to the punch and “expose” myself rather than give someone else the satisfaction. Read on below to find out all about this rather unpleasant encounter with Sarah, @marvolo ( previously @lilys and @aangs ).

As I’ve already said, I’ll begin with acknowledging that I was, apparently, at one time following Sarah. We never met or spoke, if we were ever in a roleplay together it’s not something I was aware of, and her most recent old URL wasn’t even one that I recognized. I believe that I began following her when she was @aangs, and I found her blog through a friend of mine ( @herorps ) who was likely following Sarah for her RP resources.

I also want to touch on the fact that Sarah states she has been playing the character in question -- a canon character, Lily Luna Potter -- since 2012. I have also been playing Lily Luna since 2012, and I’m sure there are a good number of other people who have been playing her for at least three years, if not the seven that Sarah and I both have. I also want to state that I have never seen Sarah’s portrayal of Lily Luna out in the wild, so to speak, at least to my own conscious knowledge as, despite the fact that she’s apparently been keeping tabs on me, I’ve not been keeping tabs on her. I want to make very clear that I have never plagiarised from anyone, for a number of reasons: a) it’s morally wrong, b) especially in the case of roleplay, it’s not a concept I could ever wrap my head around as writing someone else’s character in any capacity for any length of time isn’t sustainable, and c) I don’t need to. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m an incredibly confident person; I’m secure in my own abilities, I would and have never felt the need to bolster my own skills using the labor of someone else.

Before Sarah took the immense courtesy of very brusquely messaging me with this accusation herself, she decided to present a massive compilation of evidence to the admins of a group that I’m currently in, collected -- again, by her own admission -- over the course of several years without my knowledge of, to put it bluntly, any idea who she even was. You’ll find screenshots of all of these conversations below, but I just want to make it very clear before continuing that this kind of behavior is a plague in our community, and nothing ever makes it okay to literally stalk a complete stranger for years, not even taking into account how calmly and easily she admitted it to a third party, another stranger, as if it’s something rational and normal to do.

Now, regarding the things she’s accusing me of stealing from her portrayal of Lily Luna -- face claim, occupation, house, personality traits, and a few headcanons that I believe to be very generic not only for this specific character but just as far as headcanons go in general -- obviously, yes, I’m as a whole denying all of it. It’s just not true. You’re more than welcome to believe whatever you want about me, but I’m saying now, for the record, that this is not true, and what prompted me to write my own PSA is to call attention to this absolutely reprehensible behavior, as it was total bullshit to me, but also as I’ve heard in asking around that Sarah has a history of making these kinds of accusations against people.

Find first the screenshots of the Google Doc she sent to the admins of a group that I’m in; the Google Doc itself is now defunct, but the admins can attest that these screenshots are complete and unaltered. 

PLEASE CLICK HERE TO BE REDIRECTED TO THE SCREENSHOTS.

You'll see on the first page, she admits to having stalked me for "many years," and also posts that her biography has gone through several changes over the years, as well as the fact that she has people who can vouch for her who have been in previous groups with her. I, also, have people who I've known since 2012 who can vouch for me. She also says on the second page that she softblocked me at some point, rather than saying absolutely anything about any of this, despite having kept tabs on me for years and having said or done God knows what to other people about a situation that I had no knowledge of. Also on the second page she vows to "hold [the admins] accountable for the irresponsible way they handled the situation," which apparently just means they read this massive document and decided they didn't agree with her, so obviously they're wrong and at fault here as well. I really have nothing to say about these biosheet/introduction comparisons. I've run the similarities by half a dozen people now, and none of us can see how they're "too similar to be a coincidence," as Sarah says to me later, in our conversation. These are all fairly generic traits and headcanons; talking about Gryffindor traits, about her canonical family, about a headcanon of not being able to cook?, and another that literally just describes some basic Gryffindor aesthetics that you can find right away in a five second Pinterest search. None of these are unique to either one of our portrayals. This is a canon character with an established fanon. I'm sure you could find at LEAST a dozen other people who play Lily as a headstrong Gryffindor who has Harry's eyes and is afraid of losing her family. Towards the end of all this, she also mentions two similar character URLs -- mine, daughterofheroes, isn't even something I came up with myself, it was given to me by a friend that used to play Lily Luna. Additionally, she mentions some similar tags that we both use; "out of the ashes" was based on a really specific RPG event from a group that I ran years ago, and I don't think that I have to say that "lionheart" is about as generic as it gets for a Gryffindor. Then, out of nowhere, she accuses me of changing my introduction for Lily for MinistryHQ, a group that I co-adminned and she apparently briefly thought about joining, to avoid "[being] caught in the act." Remember how she's said her Lily biography has gone through many changes over the years? Apparently, when she does it, it's natural evolution and it's valid, but when I do it, it's obviously because I'm a vicious sneak thief and I don't want anyone to notice. Which, if I didn't want her to "detect" me in my own group, would I not have simply... blocked her? Softblocked her like she did to me? ANYWAY. It then details her conversation with the admins of the group I'm in, where she accuses me of plagiarism to them, but asks that I not be told about them at all, which -- I don't know, maybe I'm being unreasonable, but that's incredibly insensitive to the admins and the position that’s putting them in ( hey, kick this person out but you're not allowed to tell them why! ), not to mention still being weirdly stealthy about stalking me for this long?? Not only accusing me of plagiarism to them, then, but completely reaching up your ass and deciding that the reason you've kept all this a secret is because you think I'm going to harass you?? So now I'm not only a thief, I'm a bully too?? And, again, WE HAVE NEVER SPOKEN. In my opinion, the admins are exactly on point, telling her that the only person doing the harassment is you -- I have no idea how this can be seen as anything but, deciding you don't want a total stranger to have access to your blog despite the fact you've NEVER allotted them the courtesy of knowing you have an issue with them to begin with, despite the fact that you're helping yourself to having kept tabs on them for a span of YEARS -- and saying, like what I've just said, that neither of our Lily portrayals are particularly unique. I'll own up to that lol. But Sarah's not quite ready to do that, as you'll see in this next set of screenshots.

Next you can find the screenshots of Sarah finally taking the time to message me about her perceived grievance with me, finally after being quite literally forced to after her encounter with the admins of the group I’m in. 

PLEASE CLICK HERE TO BE REDIRECTED TO SCREENSHOTS

A lot of the things I have to say I've already said directly to Sarah. Before I was blocked, that is. I'm a very-upfront person, and my tone in these IMs is not gonna be any different from my tone in this PSA lol. But let's still pick through for any important things. This is probably a little petty to point out, but I really need to mention that she says she's "[tried] to just let this go" and I really wanna ask you, reading this: does any of this so far seem like the actions or mental space of a person who's trying to let this go? Because that's not how it reads to me! But anyway, like I say to her, the tone of this message is incredibly abrasive; I don't think it's at all fair that she's been letting this anger and resentment stew for literal years, only to come at me with this message and act like she's tried to address it to me before and this is her last warning before putting me on blast as a last straw. Again, like I say to her, I just really think this whole accusation is incredibly ego-based coming from a place of thinking that she has a singular claim to what is just a very generic portrayal of this popular canon character, thinking that anyone who plays this character in a similar way to her must, logically, be copying her because there’s no other explanation for two similar ideas other than the fact that someone is jealous of her, etc. Much of this speaks for itself, but at the end of this conversation you can see us talking about the fact that the basis for my Lily Luna is a completely different canon character from an entirely different fandom. Even when I mention that and link her the application from four years ago, she still insists that that biography, now, was even plagiarized from her Lily Luna, despite how little sense that makes. If I wanted to rip someone's biography for Canon Character A, I would rip someone's biography that was also written for Canon Character A, not stumble upon a biography for a completely unrelated Canon Character B and copy that. This one in particular just really. Blows my mind. She ends the conversation by saying that it's "ridiculous" that I won't "cop" to something that I did not do; what I find ridiculous is that she's now had three people tell her her characterization just ain't that special and instead she's choosing to fall back on this narcissistic tirade that she's apparently been on against me for years without my knowledge. Well, you know what, Sarah? I had no reason to care about you then, and I still have no reason to care about you now. But you know what, honey? If this helps you sleep better at night, stalking and harassing random strangers on the internet to feed your ego, then you just go on believing that I’m the bad guy and everyone’s out to get you. Clearly that’s what you need to make it through the day, so who am I to take that away from you?

In conclusion, this whole thing really just caught me off guard rather than having the intimidating effect that was intended. I know I didn’t steal from anyone, which is why I feel comfortable enough posting all this, but I think that this has really gone on long enough and some people in this community really just need to be held accountable for getting off on shit like this. Some people here are too scared of confrontation to call shit like this out, but I’m not one of them. 

If you’ve read this far and your brain is still intact, congratulations! Because I was feeling really fried after experiencing all of this first hand. This is ridiculous, considering I thought we left this sort of rpc drama back in 2015. Also, for reference to these proofs that were collected by Sarah, please see below for most of the screenshots, as the google doc is not available to me any longer.

PLEASE CLICK HERE TO BE REDIRECTED TO SCREENSHOTS

[pinkykitten]

Dressed Up

Marvel 

Yon-Rogg x female! reader

Warning: curse words, reader being cringy 

Specifics: comedy, fluff, romance, pictures, one-shot, self-conscious reader, insecure reader, race neutral reader

People: yon-rogg, carol danvers

Words: 1,835

Requested: By anon Hello! It's the au anon here again lol. I wasn't aware of that so thanks for replying! <3. Then could you write one where reader likes Yon-rogg but isn't aware that he likes her too bc he's like a god (in her eyes) and there's no way someone like him would even notice smn like her. Thank you <3

Authors Note: again sorry i dont do au’s and sorry for taking a lifetime to write this. i feel like im always saying that but i mean it everytime. i am grateful for you guys being patient it means a lot and just thank you guys for still supporting my blog and reading my trash. so enjoy some sarcastic carol and a shopping spree nobody asked for. 

You stared from afar from your side of the training base. Your head leaning against your palms, daydreaming. Wishing. Just wishing he could take one glance your way. 

You all had just finished another lesson. Another lesson to which you stumbled a little at your teacher, Yon-Rogg, but only because he placed his hands on your waist to teach you a move. 

“Whats wrong little lady?” Vers stopped by, your best friend sitting beside you sweating. “You seem out of it today.”

“Its nothing, really.” As you said this your eyes made contact to Yon-Rogg bending down to pick up his towel. You bit your lip and did not blink once!

Vers hummed to herself, “oooooooooooooooh I see.”

“See what?”

“His as*! No I’m just playing with you. No I see that you like the man.”

You didn’t even try to fight. You shrugged and shook your head, “yeah Vers but think about it. This godly delicious creature of a man even looking at moi! I don’t think so...at all. He’s him and I’m,” you gulped and took a glance at yourself. “Well you get the picture.”

“Y/n don’t worry, the best thing about being in a relationship is being yourself. You have to be truthful.”

“I can’t Vers, I just can’t. I mean I want to be truthful but with him its just different.”

Vers took a hold of your hand, “no woman should have to disguise themselves to deserve love. You are beautiful enough, you are smart enough, you are enough.”

You chuckled, “thanks...my hero.”

Vers giggled and jokingly wiped non existent tears, “girl, I am flattered. Just keep the compliments going, we got time.”

“-But I need to do this another way.”

Vers mentally slapped herself on the face, “so what, all that pep talk went straight through one ear and entered out the other?”

“Yep, and I’m gonna need your help!”

Vers gave a face of disgust. “Oh shi* I don’t like the sound of that.”

You and Vers entered your room, tired, worn out from all the-

“I can’t believe you just dragged me to go on a shopping spree with you,” Vers whined as she dropped herself on your bed. 

You hauled all the bags on your table and slumped on your chair, “I can’t believe I wasted that much money.” You and Vers laughed hard. 

“Well I see that this is my leave so good luck in all your sexiness and yeah-”

Clutching onto her sleeve you gave her a death glare as you glanced up, “I am not done with you yet.”

“God okay woman. What else do you want me to do? Wipe your as*.”

“Haha very funny,” you sarcastically answered. “No I need help with my outfit.”

It felt like it took forever! Your makeup was glamorous, making you look like a model, no a goddess! You put on jewelry, keeping it simple but sexy. The hoop earrings dangled lightly atop your shoulders, just grazing the skin from time to time as they twirled from your movement. You added a blinged up choker, it wasn’t too tight but just enough to look almost attached to your skin. You slipped on your tight outfit and had some skin showing. Last but not least you applied some lip gloss on your lips. The shimmer making your lips irresistible. You put your heels on and called out to Vers, “okay I’m finished...close your eyes.”

You peeked and saw she was listening to orders, “good.” You jumped out and yelled, “ta-da!”

Vers opened her eyes and gasped, “oh my god! Y/n you look super hot! Yes, get it girl! You got this!”

You twirled around and looked at yourself in the mirror. 

You enjoyed what you saw in the reflection but you wondered if Yon-Rogg would like what he sees.

“So you like it?”

Vers hugged you and nodded, “I do, but I always like the real you more, but its nice for a change. And also who said it was bad for a woman to wear makeup? I mean men can get all hot and whatever from time to time, well then so can us girls!”

You smiled and thanked Vers walking out to go see Yon-Rogg. 

He was by himself in the cafeteria, writing and just focused. Seeing that there was no one there you felt nervous and was about to dart back to your room when your heels alarmed him and he called out to you.

“Hi there, sorry if you’re doing something, I can come back another time,” you bashfully looked away from him. He wasn’t saying a word and thats when you peered at his face, you could see he was speechless. His mouth was opened just a bit. 

“Sorry,” he apologized blushing a little. “Please if you would like to, you could sit here.” He pointed to the seat in front of him. You nodded and almost ran to the chair but kept your cool. 

Now Yon-Rogg got a really good look at you. “May I just say, you look exquisite this evening y/n.”

“Thank you, Commander.” 

“Please call me Yon-Rogg...I bet it sounds way better coming out of your lips.”

You laced your fingers together, feeling the aura heating up. The setting becoming a flirtatious one, “alright then, Yon-Rogg.”

He giggles and nods, “well, I was right.”

“So what are you writing?” You asked as you motioned your head to the paper that sat in front of him. 

“Its a summary of how everyone today did in their training. Things they need to work on, progression.”

You slumped in your chair out of frustration, “oh that is not good.”

“What?”

“Oh I was talking about me. I did kinda fail today.”

Yon-Rogg focuses on you instead of the paper and grabs your hands, “let me ask you something y/n, did you try today?”

You were quick with an answer, “of course Comman- I mean Yon-Rogg. Of course I tried, I always try.”

Yon-Rogg leaned back in his seat, “see there, thats all you can do. Try. Thats all that matters to me, when I look at you all I want to observe is that you are trying. And thats what I always see with you.”

“Well its all thanks to you, I mean if you hadn’t shown us what a incredible leader you are and encouraged me then we probably would be having a different conversation right now but you only teach me good qualities.”

Yon-Rogg gave a charming smile, “may I ask, why are you so dressed up today?”

You almost choked on air and gripped tightly the table. “Um I was just going for a walk.”

Yon-Rogg looks below the table and sees your high heels, “in those?”

You changed your composure quickly, knowing you sounded dumb. You tried to show more of your physique. Displaying your breasts and popping out your butt. You puffed your lips out more and nodded, “yeah these shoes help tone the legs real nice for you, you tough man.”

You were losing control of yourself. You were trying to flirt but it was not working, flirting was not in your DNA. Yon-Rogg gave a look of curious. 

Next, you tried to grab his pen and put it in your mouth but you dropped it and as you were picking it up you bumped your head against the table. 

“Are you alright?” Yon-Rogg asked very worried.

You touched your head and only winced lightly, “yeah I’m fine...baby.” You tried to bite his pen sexy but you ended up gnawing it leaving a dent. 

You were just done. You were embarrassing yourself and you could tell by Yon-Rogg’s face that he was weirded out as well.

“I’m sorry this was a mistake.” You tried to stand up quickly but wearing your heels made you trip and fall into Yon-Rogg’s arms. He was there to catch you. You held onto his biceps for support and looked up to be so close to his handsome face. 

“H-hi there,” you stuttered as you were so bashful at the moment.

“Tell me the truth y/n. Why did you dress up like this tonight?”

“Fine, I wanted to impress you. Well not only that, there is like a long list so you might be here for a while its just, I like you a lot Comm- gosh sorry I keep doing that I mean Yon-Rogg. I like you a lot but not as in a way of friends or like wow you are my leader I like you a lot even though yes thats true I just don’t like you as a friend, I mean I do but-” You took a huge breath and calmed your nerves. “Let me start over. I want to see if you would like to go on a date, that offer still stands but I knew you probably did not like the other me. The less glamorous me. I mean you have made such an impact on not just me but to all of Kree. How could someone like that date someone like me? I just wanted to be better for you, but I ruined it.” You looked down ashamed and disappointed with yourself. 

Yon-Rogg was silent but lifted your face with his forefinger and thumb. “None of those things you said about yourself is true. You did not have to do anything to prove your worth to me. Don’t get me wrong I love this look but I also love who you really are. You are more than what you think. I ask myself how could someone so beautiful, so daring, so amazing go out with a guy so serious and who keeps his emotions hidden. I tried to do that with you y/n, but you are truly something else. I can’t keep what I feel for you hidden anymore. I love you y/n. I truly mean that, and you don’t have to show me you are capable of great things I can already see it when I look at you.”

You crashed your lips against his and laced your fingers into his hair. “Thank you Yon-Rogg.”

“Never gets old.”

You two were about to walk side by side together as now a couple when he stopped you. “Before we move any further can we please get rid of these wretched shoes. I mean they are sexy on you but these guys are a bit rough.” 

You let go of the breath you were holding in, “oh my gosh yes please I thought you would never say that.” You took your shoes off and held them in your hand. 

“But I do like this on you,” Yon-Rogg said about your outfit, feeling over the material and tracing his hands on your butt. “Can you wear this more often please?”

You laughed as you walked hand in hand with him, “I don’t know, I have to think about it.”

“Oh you naughty girl, I see you like to play dirty. Fine two can play that game.”

Tag list: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @hyehoney, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag), @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @andreaoreas, @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @fromfoolishpeopletodeadpeople, @collectiveyou, @wtfisalltherandoms, @fangirl-4-life415, @dirbel, @marwantr, @divaanya, @wassupitschloe, @idontknowwhattocallthisworld (wont let me tag), @spycii, @woeisbutwoe, @pormacskaa

wanna be tagged in my crap? comment!

[horansqueen]

BabyGirl 10.0

NOTES:

♥ this is based on a concept i received a few weeks ago and ppl asked that i made a story with it. ♥ i planned 3-4 long parts but i think it’ll be 8-10 short parts okay more like 15 parts? lol ♥ 3.4k. fluff. ♥ there may be smut but i doubt it and IF it happens it wont be as explicit as my other smut works. ♥ i didn’t proofread and if you read my stuff you know i never do because im a lazy ass. ♥ I wrote the thing about socks without even thinking about Niall’s socks obsession (just because one of my daughters used to love socks sooo much) and then I remembered so I added something about it haha!  ♥ im so sorry it took so long, really. i will try to update quicker next time! ♥ if you have any questions please dont hesitate.

♥ PART 1  // PART 2 // PART 3  // PART 4 // PART 5 // PART 6 // PART 7 // PART 8 // PART 9

                                 10.0 SHOPPING & PRINCESS THINGS

HIM

I felt a bit disoriented when I woke up. The sun peaked through the living room windows and I could hear the tv in the background. I groaned low, sensing it was way too early to even think of getting up, but finally sighed and opened my eyes slowly. I felt someone move against me and gripped her tighter, pulling her closer to me. She let out a low whimper and it made me smile fondly. I turned my head to look at her sleeping, her mouth slightly open and her hair a mess, and it made my heart twist. A bunch of memories rushed through my mind and I brought my hand to move her hair out of her face. I could keep pretending I didn't love her, but I would just be lying to myself, and I was pretty much the only person who still believed my lies.

I let the tip of my finger slide on her jaw until her chin and it made the left corner of her lips move up. She moved her shoulder closer to her face and whimpered again, her eyes fluttering open slowly. They met mine and I smiled more as she did the same.

"Morning." she breathed, licking her lips.

"Morning." I replied just as low. "Slept well?"

She smiled more and stretched herself and for some reason, I felt suddenly endeared by the way she woke up, stretching her arms up and squirming slightly the rest of her body as a low groan escaped her lips. But It's only when she turned on the side and her arm wrapped around my chest that my heart jumped in my chest.

"Surprisingly, yes." she pointed out, looking up at me. "Your couch is amazing."

She was so close and my eyes roamed on her face, letting thoughts and memories invade me the way I never let them before. For once, I was making the choice I wanted, and not the one I knew I needed to make. I was allowing myself to go against what I thought everyone else wanted to do something I desperately needed and I was sure I wouldn't regret it for a second. I bent down slightly, brushing my lips against hers. They immediately curled and I chuckled, pressing my lips firmly on hers.

"Mommy, I'm hungry."

The voice made both of us jump and I instantly remembered the sound of the television playing when I woke up. It should have been a hint that Chelsea was awake but it simply didn't come to mind at that moment.

Her mom sat up and I did the same as she tried to comb her hair with her fingers. I was nervous, not really sure of what our daughter had heard or seen, and I cursed at myself mentally. Just yesterday, we had decided to start again but not tell Chelsea to be sure not to hurt her and the first thing we did was going against that, even if it wasn't intentional.

"Mommy!" she repeated in a whiny voice, making me raise my eyebrows.

"Chelsea." I replied without thinking. "Mommy just woke up, so give her some time okay?"

The confidence in my tone surprised everyone in the room, especially me, and I held my breath, a bit scared I would be told to mind my own business. They both stared at me, blinking a few times, and my daughter finally sighed, turning back to the television.

"Okay uncle Niall."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned to my girlfriend (the thought made my heart jump in my chest) who was sending me a fond smile that I quickly returned. She brought her hand to my cheek  and I felt a shiver cross my whole body when her fingertips brushed on my jaw.

"You're gonna be good at this." she whispered before getting up and walking to the kitchen.

We made toasts and eggs in silence, just moving together in my kitchen like we were used to cook together all the time. It was easy to be around her, just like it felt natural for the three of us to be under the same roof, and when we all sat at the table to eat, I started wondering when was the last time I felt that degree of happiness in my life.

Of course, there was always the shows, and the fans, and the recording, but feeling this happy in my own personal life was definitely on a different level.

"So Chelsea, you remember we're going at the mall today to buy you new clothes?"

Her face illuminated and it made me grin. I always thought kids hated shopping, especially for clothes. Clearly, it depended of the kid, and I had to stop being surprised at how special Chelsea was. I was way past thinking it was just my biased ass who imagined that she was unique. She had done nothing but surprise and endear me since day one.

"I will be able to pick dresses?" she asked in a high tone full of hope.

"Yes, of course."

"And and and hats?" she kept going. "AND SOCKS?"

The last word made me chuckle and I turned to her mother, my eyebrows raised up.

"Socks?" I mouthed, making her smile more as she nodded. "She likes socks?"

The thought of my own socks collection made my lips curl even more and i shook my head. I enjoyed discovering that we had things in common even if I didn't see her grow up. I guess it was a way for me to feel closer to her in a sense.

"But first, we have to go back home to get changed." she pointed out, taking me out of my thoughts. "We shouldn't stay in yesterday's clothes."

Chelsea nodded a bit exaggeratedly and jumped down the chair. I watched them leave to the bathroom to clean and I decided to go change too.

My room was almost cold, making a shiver run up my spine. I was happy she fell asleep in my arms on the couch and that thought made me smile. I quickly emptied my pockets, placing everything on my bedside table but held my breath when I noticed the silver heart again. I stared at it for a few seconds, swallowing the lump in my throat as the memory of it came back to my head. It was a gift for our anniversary and I made the vow to surprise her with every gift. This time, though, it was cheesy and I knew it, but I preferred to see it as romantic. I noticed she was not wearing the key that made a pair with the heart anymore and I couldn't hide that it was hurting me a bit but at the same time, I couldn't blame her for trying to forget. I put new pants on but slipped the heart in my pocket again, wondering if I should bring it up or not. I didn't have much time to think when I heard them get out of the bathroom and search for their coats.

We made a quick stop at their place and I waited for them in the car, slightly nervous about how the afternoon would go. I hadn't had a girlfriend in so long I could barely remember what it was like. That thought hit me hard and reminded me of that conversation I had with Louis, when he was looking for my watch. I meant almost everything I told him on that day, except when I said I had never been in love, but now that I had decided to try with her again, I felt completely different. It's crazy how only a few days can change everything. Or perhaps it was my daughter that changed me. Either way, I felt new, and It was a permanent change.

"Okay Chelsea, where do you want to start?"

My daughter looked around, her eyes roaming on all the stores and she pressed her lips together, moving them quickly from left to right as she pondered in silence.

"Dresses. I want to start with dresses." she affirmed with conviction, making me smile.

I was not really surprised as she seemed to have a keen interest in princess dresses and we made our way to a specific store I was not even aware existed before today. My eyebrows raised when I noticed all the pink and I slipped my hands in my pockets, playing with the small silver heart hidden in the right one. I felt out of place and I was not sure why but I simply followed them until a very specific section. Chelsea chose a few dresses to try on and when they got closer to the dressing rooms, she turned around and looked up at me.

"I want you to help me."

My girlfriend let out of a chuckle and bent down to her level to look at her.

"I don't think Niall's at ease yet." she explained kindly. "I'll help you and you can show him all the dresses you picked, is that okay?"

She stared in her mom's eyes and simply nodded before turning to me again. "I'll show you all of them!"

She rushed in a room and I let out a chuckle again at how endearing and incredible she was. They both disappeared behind the door and I waited a few minutes for them to get out. Chelsea walked out first and turned on herself as soon as she stepped out, making the bottom of her dress dance around her. It was pink with some white sparkles and my smile grew again. It only left when she turned to the mirror and I noticed the necklace she was wearing. A simple key with a purple gem laying nicely around her neck could be clearly seen on her reflection and I held my breath. I thought my girlfriend had gotten rid of it when we weren't together but she actually kept it to give it to our daughter and the gesture made me emotional. I swallowed the feelings threatening to burst out but it still invaded my whole body, bringing an unknown until now sensation inside me. I didn't know if it was love, endearment, gratitude or happiness but it felt like a mix of all of those.

"I love your necklace, Chelsea." I finally managed to let out after clearing my throat.

My girlfriend stopped moving and looked up at me in the mirror, her reflection staring at me. I couldn't quite decipher her expression but I didn't want her to feel bad about it and I sent her a fond smile. It took her a few seconds but her traits eventually softened and she smiled back at me with a relieved sigh.

"Thank you!" Chelsea answered, making my gaze move down. "It's from my daddy!"

My heart twisted in my chest and I swallowed an emotional lump for the second time. Knowing my girlfriend told our daughter about me, even without telling her who I was, made me happier than I thought it would.

After half an hour, she had picked the dress she wanted and I watched as my girlfriend took her card from her purse. I grabbed her wrist gently and her eyes met mine.

"Please, let me."

We looked intensely at each other for a while without even blinking and she nodded slowly, licking her lips. I knew that was not what she brought me here for but I wanted to do something more for my daughter, and also for her mother. I didn't know if she struggled a lot or not, but I knew it hadn't been easy on her and I was ready to do my part and help in any way I could.

My girlfriend bent down and told Chelsea something but her voice was too low for me to hear. When we walked out, my daughter turned to me with a huge smile.

"Thank you uncle Niall!" she let out a bit too loud. "I will think about you every time I wear it!"

At that point, what really hit me was not how polite she was, or how grateful she seemed to be that I paid for her dress. What hit me was how bad I wanted her to call me 'daddy" instead of 'uncle'. I wanted her to know I was her father, and that I was sorry for being absent all those years. I wanted to tell her that I loved her even if I didn't know her, or even that she was alive. I wanted her to see me like a daughter sees her father. I didn't just want her to know that she had a father that loved her, I wanted her to know it was me, and that in only a fraction of second, she had became my world and would be forever my priority from now on.

I swallowed an other lump of emotions and simply grinned.

"You're welcome, princess." I bowed down low enough. "I'm honored."

HER

Watching them interact was more amazing every time. There was a bond forming between them and seeing it tighten in front of me was incredible. I almost felt like I didn't belong and although I loved spending time alone with Niall, being the three of us together brought me a kind of happiness I hadn't felt before.

We kept following Chelsea through the mall, checking the stores she was interested in and refusing to buy every single thing she asked me whenever we entered a new place. The dress was a gift but she really needed new pants and t-shirts. It took a long time to pick tops and bottoms that actually matched when we finally left the last store, Niall and I were not only exhausted but also a bit annoyed by all the shopping we had made. On the other hand, Chelsea still had a lot of energy. We stopped for fast food and when we were about to walk out of the restaurant, Niall stopped by a small vending machine. Chelsea and I stopped too and walked back to him as I frowned. He put a few coins in it and turned the handle. We watched as something fell and he bent down to grab it, opening it quickly and handing it to our daughter.

Her face seemed to illuminate and he got down on one knee, smiling to her. I couldn't help but feel endeared by the scene in front of me. I knew what kind of boyfriend Niall was, but I didn't know what kind of father he could be. I now realized that he was just as adorable.

"A princess deserves a pretty ring, don't you think?"

She smiled and nodded as he took the plastic ring and grabbed her hand, slipping it on her middle finger. The ring was slightly too loose but it didn't seem to bother Chelsea at all. Her lips curled as much as they physically could and she finally threw herself into Niall's arms. He seemed surprised at first but he took her into a warm embrace and closed his eyes.

"Thank you."

Her voice was low, almost a whisper, and it was surprising I even heard it. Niall smiled more, his eyes still closed, and at that exact moment, I realized something. I always thought Chelsea needed a father. It was in the way she asked me about him, and how it seemed to be something missing in her life. But as I watched Niall interact with her and giving her all the love she deserved, I realized that he needed her just as much as she needed him. Maybe more, even.

"You're welcome my princess."

The fact that I denied him four years of this made me feel even more guilty and I held my breath, trying to calm the erratic beatings of my heart. If only I could go back in time...

It kept bothering me through the whole day, and the feeling of culpability became harsher by the minute. It had never really left me since the day we saw Niall again but now that I was completely aware of all the wrongs I did and pain I caused, it was even worse. I kept both of them from so much love and happiness with each other through these years and I clearly would never forgive myself for it. I knew Niall would never forgive me either and It took me all my strength not to start crying. Would Chelsea ever forgive me? She probably wouldn't be mad at me when she'll find out but in a few years, she'll be able to understand exactly what I did and thinking about my own daughter hating me was something that scared me more than I thought it would.

I kept quite until we were sitting in Niall's kitchen once again. I played with my food, not feeling hungry at all, while Niall and Chelsea were having a discussion. He was telling her about his socks collection and she excitedly asked to see it. I stopped listening to them, lost in my thoughts, and jumped slightly when I heard my name.

"Are you okay, love?"

Chelsea laughed and I looked up, watching as Niall's eyes moved to her.

"What makes you laugh, Chels?"

"You called her 'love'" she pointed out, making a small smile form on my lips. "That means you love her."

She was still young and didn't really understand it was a simple nickname and that Niall used it with many people. The nuances were not as obvious for her as they were for us. I chuckled low but remained silent, curious to find out how Niall would get out of this one. I knew he was very good at twisting things around to be sure he wouldn't have to answer a question he didn't like. I leaned my elbow on the table, placing my chin in my hand, and stared at him.

"Maybe I do, Chelsea." he simply said. "In fact, I do love her."

I held my breath, my heart now beating so hard against my rib cage I felt like it was going to just fly out. My brain had a hard time processing his words and my lips parted slightly in shock.

"And I also love you, Chelsea."

I blinked a few times, trying to get back to my senses and inhaled deeply, turning to look at my daughter who was smiling.

"I love you too, uncle Niall."

He brought his hand to her cheek and caressed it gently before raising his eyebrows and pointing her plate with his chin.

"Are you done?"

She nodded slowly and yawned, rubbing her eyes with a sigh. It took me all my strength to move but I finally got up and turned Chelsea's chair my way.

"Bed time, we had a long day."

"Nooooo! I want to watch a movie!" she whined.

It would normally make me smile but I was too startled to be completely normal. I knew it would take me a few minutes to let everything that just happened sink in and I was barely aware of what I was doing.

"It's late. You can watch a movie tomorrow." I pointed out. "Do you want to sleep here again tonight?"

Chelsea seemed to think and finally nodded just as Niall got up too, his chair making an annoying noise.

"I'll put her to bed if you want."

Our daughter rushed to him and threw herself in his arms, making him laugh. I looked up and our eyes met. He sent me a fond smile and I felt my heart melt and my lips curl. I had so many questions that needed immediate answers, so many thoughts I wanted to share, and so many memories that rushed back to my brain.

"Yea, thank you."

He winked at me and I smiled more. I remained motionless, standing in the middle of the kitchen, a bit overwhelmed by everything that had happened in the past few days. I kept wondering if he meant what he had said a few minutes earlier and if he did, what exactly did it imply? In the end, I just shook my head. Niall loved me, that's what he said. And I loved him, I never stopped. There was nothing to process or comprehend. I let the truth flood my insides and swallowed hard as tears invaded my eyes. Even in my wildest dreams, I hadn't allowed my imagination to go that far.

[vanishcd]

[[ So i’m gonna post this whole thing but I just. NEED to analyze the entire discussion between Morrell and Stiles in Battlefield. Because its such important character stuff besides being INCREDIBLY well-written.

Included are my thoughts on my Stiles and my perspectives on how he thinks, especially when it comes to how ADHD/anxiety makes you perceive things. Likes are appreciated but PLEASE ask to reblog since this feels very personal for me and my muse

Stiles: You know when you're drowning, you don't actually inhale until right before you black out. It's called voluntary apnea. It's like no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won't open your mouth until you feel like your head's exploding. But then when you finally do let it in, that's when it stops hurting. It's not scary anymore. It's - it's actually kind of peaceful. 

So this whole thing starts off with his anxiety. His way of describing things in details with both feelings and facts that makes it incredibly visceral and real. You can feel yourself underwater, you can imagine that moment he’s talking about. The pain and then the relief. (Fear and pain. Big threads in some of his emotional beats. He also FOCUSES in on those details when he’s afraid, classic anxiety symptom.)

Morrell: Are you saying you hope Matt felt some peace in his last moments Stiles: I don't feel sorry for him.  Morrell: Can you feel sorry for the nine - year - old Matt who drowned?  Stiles: Just because a bunch of dumbasses dragged him into a pool when he couldn't swim doesn't really give him the right to go off killing them one by one. 

He has no sympathy for Matt. Not after what he’s done to everyone. Not for what Stiles perceives as a dumb, if awful, fluke and Matt’s personal offense/inability to get over it.

The punishment should fit the crime and his noting of "one by one" points out that Matt has been calculating this. For something ambiguous and one time, if traumatic. It's a conflict with Stiles' sense of what justice is. Matt also attacked him, his friends, Scott, his dad, and Melissa. That alone means Stiles can’t excuse, reason, forgive, or sympathize. But then--

Stiles: And by the way, my dad told me that they found a bunch of pictures of Allison on Matt's computer. And not just of her though. I mean, he photoshopped himself into these pictures. Stuff like them holding hands and kissing. You know, like he had built this whole fake relationship. So yeah, maybe drowning when he was nine years old was what sent him off the rails, but the dude was definitely riding the crazy train. 

here’s the thing. Despite having general/social anxiety and ADHD, Stiles isn't forgiving of mistakes/cruelty because of mental illness. Yes, even though he fully knows his own issues have caused shit. Even knowing it's a POWERFUL motivator. But he has a LOW opinion of someone who uses trauma/illness to lash out purely for revenge. Especially over something that as he said was the result of kids being stupid

Even without this, he would hate Matt simply for being a creepy af stalker, not only CREATING this delusion of him w Allison but ACTING ON IT. Anyone who pulls that shit is LOW. And it was toward one of his closest friends.

He also happens to be deflecting, talking about others instead of himself (which is of course the whole point of a counseling session). He’s not just rambling cause he’s angry/disgusted and has a tendency to. He’s JUSTIFYING himself through it, which means he’s on the defensive and doesn’t want to open up to Morrell.

Morrell: One positive thing came out of this, though. Right? Stiles: Yeah. Yeah, but I still feel like there's something wrong between [him and his dad]. I don't know. It's just like tension when we talk.

The first moment he opens up, maybe because the guilt of STILL not saying anything about the supernatural to his dad is TOO MUCH. It's one of the heaviest burdens he's carried. So even though Stilinski got his position as sheriff back, Stiles still feels like he's to blame.

Interesting thing to note is that the topic of his dad is the one thing he consistently opens up to people to. Showing vulnerability doesn't matter when it's his dads ANYTHING at stake. And he's ok showing that to Morrell both cause it's not focused on moving forward and his own feelings, but because it's actually something that he feels he needs help with. Because their relationship means too much.

The tension could also be alluding to the hallucination he had at Lydias party (despite the fact that he obviously doesn't TELL her about it) I can write a whole essay on that scene but the scene, real or not, clearly weighs on Stiles. And with anxiety, it's easy to fall into the mindset that your fears are real, they just aren't being SPOKEN. Even when you KNOW without a DOUBT that the person doesn't feel that way, it sticks in your mind and messes with your perception. Stiles is aware his perception could be skewed from stress.

Stiles: [Scott’s] got his own problems to deal with though: I don't think he's talked to Allison either. But that might be more her choice, you know. Her mom dying hit her pretty hard. But I guess it brought her and her dad closer. Jackson? Jackson hasn't really been himself lately. Actually the funny thing is, as of right now, Lydia is the one who seems the most normal. 

As Morrell is about to silently observe by asking about him, Stiles is once again deflecting the topic to everyone elses trauma and avoiding talking about how he feels. Just what he’s observed and his judgement about it. And his comments can be perceived as pretty neutral despite how much he cares for 3 of the 4 people who are going through hell with him.

Morrell: And what about you, Stiles? Feeling some anxiety about that championship game tomorrow night? Stiles: Why would you ask me that? Ah. Uh, no. I - I never actually play. But hey, since one of my teammates is dead and another one's missing, who knows, right? 

AGAIN he deflects. He knows she's digging for “im feeling anxious” and admittance that HE isn't ok. And not only denies it on reflex but then takes the leading part and uses that for the topic. Again he talks about others and uses dry sarcasm to make himself more comfortable.

Morrell: You mean, Isaac. One of the three runaways. You haven't heard from any of them, have you? Stiles: How come you're not taking any notes on this? Morrell: I do my notes after the session. Stiles: Your memory's that good? 

Deflect; and this time because she doesnt give up, he turns the topic to HER. Most people will let you ramble about others but when you start making observations about THEM, particularly what they’re doing at the moment or their professionalism, they get defensive. Even if its a word or two, it’s enough to give him an “advantage”. 

And it’s, as becomes the ultimate point, him fishing for time.

Morrell: How about we get back to you? Stiles? Stiles: --I'm fine. Yeah, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant, overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible's about to happen.

And there's the moment he finally breaks. He knows she's not gonna let him go, she's directly observing his anxiety. And there's a slight pause before she says his name. For the first time, shes directly giving him permission to speak, instead of asking prying questions. He could deny it. And he does, but in the obvious way that's just a lead in to his feelings.

He's at a point in the conversation and the situation that he doesn't have any other option. And even though his tone is harsh, it's honest. Because he's scared and suddenly realizes they covered everyone, and no one is left to help.

Morrell: It's called hyper - vigilance, the persistent feeling of being under threat. Stiles: But it's not just a feeling, though. It's - it's like it's a panic attack. You know, like I can't even breathe. Morrell: Like you're drowning? Stiles: Yeah. Morrell: So if you're drowning, and you're trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last moment, what if you choose to not open your mouth? To not let the water in? Stiles: You do anyway. It's a reflex. Morrell: But if you hold off until that reflex kicks in, you have more time, right? Stiles: Not much time. Morrell: But more time to fight your way to the surface? Stiles: I guess.

He has a way with words. He's been rambling this whole time. But his description of a panic attack is the last vivid bit for several lines. Trying to get across his desperation.

Then he goes to simple answers. "Yeah" and "I guess" because when he feels so lost, he gets quiet.

Stiles is very pragmatic AND emotional. He thinks with both but rationalizes. "It's a reflex" and "not much time" is his logical side kicking in, but in that way it's counterproductive because anxiety. You search for an answer, a relief from your fear, and when it's GIVEN, you don't quite know what to do with it. So you rationalize your own helplessness because you've fallen into that pattern of logical thinking combined with fear. That's what makes an anxious mind spin out.

Morrell: More time to be rescued? Stiles: More time to be in agonizing pain. I mean, did you forget about the part where you feel like your head's exploding? Morrell: If it's about survival, isn't a little agony worth it?  Stiles: But what if it just gets worse? What if it's agony now and then - and it's just hell later on?

Stiles fears pain. And I think it's not the pain specifically, it's the idea of it being the last thing, an extended thing. Emotional or physical (who wouldn’t?) And then he rationalizes with facts again to prove his point. This is the crux of MANY anxieties. That you aren't strong enough to get through, that it won't end, that there's no hope.

Morrell is having none of it. She won't let him give up on HOPE.

Morrell: Then think about something Winston Churchill once said - "If you're going through hell, keep going."

Know why that got through to him? Because it's simple and factual and makes him realize--it's the only thing you CAN do. It's not exactly hope for him but determination. Will to keep going for a little longer

And the truth is, that's all you CAN do in some horrible situations. You feel hopeless, useless. But to quote another favorite tv show "believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a very powerful thing."

Hope, hope for hope, will get you through. It can be more painful than anything in the world, but it's also the ONE THING that lets you get thought when EVERYTHING ELSE has failed.

And as Morrell says, if you can survive, isn't it worth it?

[klobsquad]

If its clean, its Gronk

Warnings: Gronk spikes and tide pods

Word count:1694

Summary: a fantasy/horror/drama based completely on our experiences with Gronk’s cursed tide pod commercial

Notes We apologize in advance for what you’re about to read

i awake suddenly, sheer panic running through me. ripping the blanket off my body, the layer of sweat that lays on my skin is immediately hit with the frigid air of my room causing me to shiver. After a few moments, i start to realize where i am.

I'm in my living room on the couch. This is the first wink of sleep i've had in nearly 2 weeks. i think at least. time has started the run together after it, well, he, showed up. why haven't i slept? i've been too scared to let my guard down.

My phone lay broken, having thrown it against the wall several moons ago. Broken glass and piles of clothes are strewn throughout my apartment. Every electronic in my house has been either broken or hidden, yet somehow he’ll still manage to find me. i haven't left my apartment in weeks even though i ran out of food 4 days ago. I can't go to the store. I'm too afraid he'll be waiting at the end of the isle. I've been wearing the same outfit since it started, too scared to do even the most basic of household chores. doing laundry was banned a months back as an attempt to stop him.

The couch i lay on is pushed up hard against the wall, i'm laying on my side facing the back of the couch. the only electronic that hasn't been thrown out is my living room TV. I swear i've tried discarding it countless times, yet it keeps showing back up. The entire apartment, scratch that, city, is dead silent.

rumor has it, it started in new england, moving fast throughout the country. What started as random disappearances eventually became nationwide panic.

it wasn't long until he reached my home state of Texas. Most of the town had evacuated when the marks started showing up. Crater-like holes in the ground. 11 inches deep and 22 inches wide. The ground cracked and glowing around the marks, showing that he was getting somehow stronger.

Although I boarded up my windows when I caught wind that he was moving towards Texas, I still took a board down every so often. From my third floor apartment, I could see the marks starting to fill the town. He marked his territory right after he struck. Entire families disappeared at a time. Only once was a survivor found. She was found in the same clothing she was wearing when she went missing though they were suspiciously clean, almost as if they'd been washed then returned. She spoke in a hurried whisper, as if he was still watching her. Rumors soon filled the streets quicker than his markings. Apparently after her interrogation she was left alone in a cell at the local jail. When the officer came to retrieve her for more questioning, she had scribbled the number "87" and "bands a make her dance" on every square inch of the cell. Investigator after investigator was brought in, yet none of them could decipher what it meant. After three days of questioning, the only valuable thing they got out of her was a description of him. He was large, solid, his muscles constantly glistening. He towered over everyone, though he wasn't intimidating, the exact opposite actually. He had a boyish charm, soft brown eyes and youthful smile. Apparently he loves to dance, frequently droppin' it low and booty poppin' on them haters. Most notably was his hands. In her words they were "damn near leviathan. I never knew someone could have hands like that. It ain't normal. I'd be lying if it wasn't hot though.". The police were immediately on even higher alert. With such a specific description, it couldn't be hard to find him right? Wrong. She forgot to mention one detail. His speed. For a man of his size, he's unusually nimble.

I snap back to reality at the sound of the metal entrance door 3 floors below me opening and closing. My heart pounding. "Maybe it's just the neighbor" I tried to tell myself, though deep down I knew it wasn't. Even if they hadn't evacuated with everyone else, there's no way Mr. dolly, an 96 year old war vet could open and slam that door with such little effort. my gut and my head were at war. My gut was telling me it was him, the man I spent months hiding from. Yet my head was trying to come up with any other possibility. They were coming up the stairs, fast. I was paralyzed. Still laying on the couch, i covered my head with the fleece red sox blanket I got last Christmas, before this all started.

*BANG* *BANG*

They were knocking. I could barely hear the pounding on the door over my racing heart. Seconds feel like hours, waiting for the sound to stop, for whoever it is to go away.

After what feels like an eternity, the pounding stops. I exhale for the first time in minutes. Moments later a loud scraping sound fills the room.

He's here and he's removed the door.

There was nothing besides me and my red sox blanket separating us both. His presence sent chills down my spine. I could feel him standing in the corner of the room.

He was waiting for something.

*click*

The dim light of the TV immediately filled the dark room. I open my eyes suddenly as patterns of colored light dance off the walls. He's still waiting, but he keeps going back to the hall he came from. Almost as if he's loading something into my apartment. Suddenly the room goes yellow and orange. He gets into position. I turn around slowly, not knowing what to will be waiting on me when I turn around.

There he is, in all his glory. The survivor described him perfectly. He was dressed in a fitted grey tank top, joggers, and sneakers. He was oddly handsome given the circumstances. Unmarked boxes were stacked floor to ceiling, covering ever surface. One box, the one closest to him is open. He grabs a handful of whatever is in the box.

I'm frozen. Horrified.

3.

The tv shows a laundry room.

2.

He looks at  me intently, his boyish smile shining full force in the low light.

It's time.

1.

"Hi! Welcome to tide pods talk with Gronk. I'm Gronk. I'm big, *flex* and awesome. But this guy-" he chucks a fist full of tide pods at my body. I'm utterly speechless. "-Is little, can it really clean?". He rips the doors off my linen closet, scooping every single piece of laundry up in one scoop, even the clothes I'm wearing. Opening the washer, he throws the clothing in with a loud boom before dropping a couple Tide Pods™️ into the load. Im left sitting on the couch, ass naked, as the New England Patriots Tight End does my laundry.

He resumes his spot at the corner of my living room. Staring blankly at me as we both wait for the washer to finish its cycle.

45 minutes of silence later, the washer pings signaling the end of the wash. He once again grabs the entire load of laundry in one incredibly toned arm, spiking it into the dryer like it's a ball into the end zone. He spots my stained patriots jersey in the load. Pulling it out, he slips me a note then once again goes back to the spot in the corner. I'm still naked.

Clearing his throat, he make gesture with his hands I take it as a cue to open the note. It reads "ask Gronk if Tide Pods™️  really clean" in very messy handwriting that I'm pretty sure is done in crayon.

I'm once again stunned.  He holds up the jersey. My once beer and chicken wing stained jersey is now completely clean. He makes another gesture, prompting me to speak this time. "D-do Tide Pods™️ really clean?" Im shaking at this point, not because I'm nervous, but because it's 68° outside and I'm still naked. With the enthusiasm of a kid on a sugar high, he answers the age old question I just asked.  "Heck yeah they do!" His eyes twinkling as he speaks.

The boards blast off my windows. Rainbow light streams into the room. I’m still naked. The missing people immediately flood the streets. He's smiling again, and you guessed it, I'm still naked. A chorus of cheers fills the streets "You saved us! We were stuck in the realm of stained laundry! Bless you!" A tear runs down his cheek as he falls to his knees. "I've been searching for you, thou chosen one. If you may take me, I ask for you hand in marriage. Together we can continue to bring stain free clothing to people across the land!" The crowd outside cheers, completely ignoring the fact homie refuses to give me any clothing. Instead he whips out a ring, and by ring I mean a ring pop band with a Tide Pod™️ hot glued to the top. He slips it on my finger before I can respond. I'm soon being twirled in a blinding golden light. I emerge, fully clothed in a ball gown made completely out of Tide Pods™️. He picks me up bridal style and runs out to the hallway before quickly bounding down the stairs four at a time. In the way down I look at my ring. After not eating for days it looks surprisingly tasty. Bringing my left hand up to my face, he stops dead in his tracks and drops me. My cat like reflexes come into play and I land on my feet, breaking both my legs after falling from such a height. Somehow I'm still standing, the power of Tide Pods™️ holding me up. I immediately pop the ring into my mouth and before chewing. The detergent rolls down my chin. His screams fill the room as he realizes what I've done. "How could you do this to me?!" I look up, like really far up because I’m literally 5’0”, and meet his eyes. I match his boyish smile from earlier, though this time my smile is filled with detergent.

"What can I say? I'm Gen Z."

[axelsagewrites]

Sirius Black*Ravenclaw

There was an issue was my laptop. Long story short I had to wipe it clean and now I don't have word so sorry if theirs any mistakes since I couldn't use spell check. I also forgot how bad WordPad was.

Sirius X Ravenclaw!Fem!Reader

Masterlist HERE

Wattpad HERE

Remus looked at his friend, concern covering his face. Sirius was...studying? No. He couldn't be. Could he?

The werewolf looked over at James, seeing if he had noticed. He had. So had Peter and all three were staring at this spectacle.

The Marauders didn't study. Well, Remus did a little but still. Last time Remus made Sirius study he ripped pages out of the textbook and made them into flying paper dementors, all attacking Remus.

"I know I'm fabulous but can you not stare?" Sirius asked, not looking up from his textbook.

Remus sat his book down, knowing he'd never be able to read it till he figured this out. "Are you feeling okay Padfoot?"

"Just peachy,"

Remus and James shared a look. "Are you sure?" James asked, slowly.

Sirius closed his book with a huff. "Im perfectly fine Prongs. Just figured I'd study a little bit. Nothing wrong with being a little smart, you know."

"Who's the girl?" Peter's voice piped up from the corner.

James and Remus looked confused but Peter just shrugged. Sirius stayed silent for a moment. Suddenly he tossed his book to the floor and dramatically fell back on the couch "She doesn't even know I exist!"

The whole common room turned to him due to the outburst. "Oh bugger off you lot." Sirius scolded them. The young first and second years flinched and scurried off while everyone rolled their eyes, having gotten used to his behavior.

"So let me get this right, you, Sirius Black, fancy someone and are studying to...impress them?" James tried to wrap his head around this.

Sighing, Sirius said "Yes, okay. I'm completely smitten by a Ravenclaw who doesn't know I exist. She also doesn't even notice my incredible good looks or luscious locks. It's insane."

"Who is she?" Remus asked.

"(Y/N). (Y/N) (Y/L/N)."

(Y/N) sat in her dorm, reading a muggle book, when her dormmates got back. "Hows the book?" Jess asked.

"Good." (Y/N) said bluntly, trying to not get distracted from her book, Peter Pan by JM Barie.

"Watcha doing later?" Jess asked while she and the girls started rummaging through their trunks. (Y/N) held up her book with a 'duh' expression. Don't get her wrong, she loves the girls, their her closest friends, but cmon, of course, she was going to be reading. "Well, how about you put the book down for a couple hours and come out with us?"

"Out where?" (Y/N) asked hesitantly.

"The Gryffindor, Slytherin match," Jess shrugged.

(Y/N) thought about it. It was a Friday night so she could finish the book after "That's not too bad I suppose. Okay sure."

"Yay." Jess was happier than she should be. "Oh, and you know how after the winning house always through a small get to geth-"

"No." (Y/N) deadpanned.

"Cmon," The girls whined. Jess, Taylor, Rosa, and Ty sat on her bed. "Please come. Please please," Ty begged.

"Why do you want me there? You know I'll just complain?" (Y/N) crossed her arms.

Rosa rolled her eyes "Don't care. We don't want you to become a recluse. You could end up like that Remus kid."

"Hey! He's really nice," Taylor stuck up for him, checks tinted.

(Y/N) leaned forward and pinched them "Someones got a crush," she sang.

"Shut up," Taylor whined. "Besides if you come maybe you'll finally get a boyfriend."

"I don't need a boyfriend," (Y/N) pointed out.

"You don't need books," Ty chimed in.

(Y/N) gasped, clutching the book to her chest "How dare you?!"

"What will it take?" Jess sighed. (Y/N) leaned back and thought about it. A smirk took over her face. "Oh no," Jess paled.

After the girls agreed to get her a new book, each, she agreed to go. But only if "We get to get you ready,"

The match wasn't too bad. The girls dressed (Y/N) up in a slightly baggy sweater and skinny jeans. It was what was going on after that scared (Y/N). She knew the girls wouldn't let her go to a party like this.

The match, however, was fine. Most of the time Slytherin and Gryffindor were neck and neck despite a chaser having to switch out last minute. Apparently, the chaser had come down with the 'sniffles' /Cough*Slytherin*Cough/ and had to be switched out for someone else. Sirius, (Y/N) thinks.

He seemed to be keeping up fine, despite not being on the team, until suddenly he stopped, froze even. He'd been flying straight to the Slytherin goal, quaffle in hand when he looked over to the stands.

Gryffindors and Slytherins stayed on specific sides but Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were mixed in, supporting either side. A group of Ravenclaw girls was cheering for the Gryffindors, one wearing skinny jeans and a baggy sweater; (Y/N).

(Y/N) thought she had made eye contact with Sirius when he stopped but she assumed she was just being self-centered.

Slytherin was able to get the quaffle from Black which kicked him back into gear.

Gryffindor won, despite Black's sudden freeze, and the crowd cheered. As (Y/N) and her friends starting heading back up to the school Jess said they'd have to hurry to get ready.

(Y/N) was used to watching her friends get ready but not doing it herself. This time it was her they shoved in the chair in front of the vanity to get ready.

She had nothing against makeup, normally just too lazy to put it on, but she had to admit they did good. Nothing too over the top, just a brown smokey eye, winged liner, and purple-ish chapstick. Oh and face makeup but it was subtle.

The outfit however...maybe not. (Y/N) was used to baggy clothes, men's clothes even, for comfort. No one likes to curl up in a book while trying to make sure nothing pops out or skirt rides up.

A leather skirt, rolling stones tee, and heeled ankle boots wasn't a normal outfit choice for (Y/N). The tee was hers, slightly oversized as usual, but it was tucked into the skirt. The skirt was Ty's while the heels were Taylors. Jess had rolled the short sleeves of the tee for a 'better' look.

"I look," (Y/N) began, her friends nervous for her reaction "Amazing," they let out a sigh of relief "But this," she gestured to her whole outfit "Is weird and won't be happening ever again. Got it?"

When (Y/N) got to the party she got a few compliments about her outfits and a few stares. Although she didn't appreciate the stares from guys the compliments from girls were great. Most people did a double take though. (Y/N) knew she looked good when she got done up but was too lazy to do it on a daily basis.

Her and her friends though all agreed to ignore all the guys and just have a fun time, considering it wasn't likely (Y/N) would do it again in a long time.

They stood by the couches, sitting on the back of them, talking with some Gryffindor girls. "Hey, I'm going to get another drink," Ty announced.

"I'll come too," (Y/N) followed Ty to the makeshift food and drinks tables. She had to admit the Gryffindors knew how to make a setup.

Instead of being in the common room, like most other houses, it was held in the room of requirement. This lets them set up this long table filled with different treats, snacks, and drinks. Alcoholic and not.

(Y/N) pondered over whether or not to get an alcoholic one. "Ohh, being a daredevil?" Ty teased when (Y/N) inspected a can of something.

"Maybe," she gave a sly smirk "I dunno though. Sure it drank before but not at a party."

Ty slung an arm around her shoulder, squeezing it "It's up to you but why not? One drink won't hurt."

"Ohh is this the peer pressure mum warned me about?" She joked. Looking at the can she eyed it over before deciding "Screw it. One won't hurt." When Ty didn't reply (Y/N) looked up. "Go talk to him,"

"We promised-"

"Go. Seriously. I'll cover you if it comes to it." (Y/N) told her friend. Ty looked a bit nervous "Go! I'll wait here for you."

"I mean, I guess I could go say hi."

"Too late." (Y/N) grinned as Dirk Cresswell waved to Ty. "Have fun," (Y/N) pushed Ty with a smirk. Ty glared at her but went over to Dirk.

(Y/N) laughed lightly. She looked over and saw her friends had moved from the couches to beer pong. (Y/N) shrugged it off and decided to stay at the table. There was food here so...

The Marauders laughed, Sirius the loudest, as James levitated Sirius in the air. While he was up there he looked over the room and saw her, (Y/N) standing by the food table. "Put me down, mate." His voice still held laughter.

Sirius said a quick goodbye before rushing through the crowd to where (Y/N) was. His confidence dropped slightly, seeing she wasn't there, but picked up when he noticed she had just moved down the table.

Padfoot took a deep breath before walking over. She had been standing by the food, reaching for a treacle tart, when Sirius 'accidentally' bumped into her while reaching for one as well. "Sorry 'bout that love," he told her.

"It's alright," she said, passing Sirius a tart "Here,"

"Thanks. Um, you look, um very nice," Sirius felt his confidence melt away as he stood before her.

"Thanks," her voice had dropped some of its cheery tones.

Sirius noticed the can and couldn't stop himself "You drink?"

(Y/N) chuckled "Yup. Everyone surprised I'm not a goody to shoes."

"No its just, you don't seem the type. I mean I'm surprised you're here and not reading a book or something,"

"Well alas, my friends insisted," Somehow the conversation just kept going and Sirius found himself more and more surprised, and more and more smittened.

She drank, liked rock music, had an amazing sense of humor, and wasn't slightly fazed when the Marauders joined them and made completely inappropriate jokes.

As the night went on though their groups merged. (Y/N) and her friends, and the marauders basically kicked the people off the couches and took them for themselves. Remus, surprisingly, was flirting with one of her friends.

However, the night was drawing to a close. Sirius asked if he could walk (Y/N) back to her dorm. "Nah its okay. Me and the girls were gonna walk back,"

"The girls and I," Sirius corrected her "Its cool to correct a Ravenclaw,"

(Y/N) rolled her eyes "Night Sirius,"

"Wait, you know my name?" Sirius blurted out. Throughout the whole night, they never introduced themselves. But realistically ofcourse she knew his names.

"Yeah," she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, "You sit behind me in Muggle studies," (Y/N) turned to leave with her friends but turned around "You know the seat next to me is empty. Maybe you could sit there sometimes?" she suggested, checks tinged.

"Yeah, um, that um sounds yeah um cool, uh. Yeah." Sirius couldn't help but lose his cool. His friend's sniggers didn't help. "See you then."

"Night Sirius." (Y/N) smiled, leaning up to kiss his cheek before scurrying off with her friends, all of them giggling.

"Night," he breathed out, his friends laughing and patting his back.

[17mounteens]

Long-lasting (Chan)

Request:

hi! can i request a fluffy (even angsty if u want bc im a sucker for happy endings) chan scenario where ur childhood besties w/ chan, n u develop a crush on him that lasts all the way through primary n high school, even tho they actually kinda started drifting apart in high school. he doesnt even know abt the crush!! but they get to college n she thinks hes forgotten all about her, until they see each other again n u can think of the rest~ im just rly soft for best friend + college au's (cont)

» alcohol warning!!!! drink responsibly if you’re old enough 🙏 I hope this is at least something like you expected, and there is a fair share of angstier bits ;; 💕

» If you’re using the tumblr app and can’t see the scenario, which is under a “keep reading”, please try opening the post in your phone’s internet browser (or a computer)! 💕

» 6,006 words

Your first day of kindergarten had left such a deep impression on you that you could still remember it fairly clearly. You had been almost three, and watching your mother leave had made you cry, which wasn’t exactly rare to happen there. You had stayed by the window for a long time, crying and hoping your mother would come pick you up soon, no matter how much the adults tried to kindly tell you that she would come in the afternoon.

The tears only stopped when your shoulder was tapped and you had turned around to see a boy of your age, smiling brightly.

“Come play with me. My mom left, too, but she’ll come back. Come on.”

And that was how you had met Lee Chan, your future best friend.

None of the first mornings at the kindergarten were easy for you, but Chan made them a lot better by playing with you and making it apparent that he wanted to be your friend. Playing with him made you forget about how much you missed your mother, and because you were new and you got along with him, you wanted to be his friend, too.

Both of your parents picked up on your friendship soon, whether it was because you two were always playing together whenever they picked you up or because you talked so much about each other and how you were friends at home. It didn’t take long for you two to have regular play dates, and you also invited each other to your birthday parties, where you were tightly together, too.

Simply put, you became best friends rather soon and stuck side by side throughout kindergarten and preschool, and would do so for many years to come.

Somewhere during preschool, however, you were surprised to have your mother ask you something that would have you think about everything in a new light.

“So, darling… do you like Chan?”

She had been folding the laundry and sounded casual while asking that, and you turned to look at her in surprise, putting aside the simple children’s book you were reading here and there. “He’s my best friend, of course I like him.”

Your mother had turned to look at you meaningfully, a warm smile on her lips. “I meant as more than a friend. We’ve noticed the way you look at him, and we were just wondering…”

“Who’s we?” you asked, focusing on the less important part rather than the fact that apparently you had a specific way in which you looked at Chan. Had he noticed?

“Your father and I, Chan’s mother, the preschool teacher…” your mother hummed and laughed good-humoredly when you hid your face in the nearest pillow and groaned dramatically. Putting the laundry away, she sat next to you on the couch you were lying on and stroked your back. “Honey, it’s fine, crushes come and go. It’s completely fine.”

Yeah, crushes came and went, but yours stuck with you for the next thirteen years.

After that discussion, you began thinking about it more, and realized that you may or may not have had a small crush on Chan. It was all kinds of pure and innocent - you were only six, after all - but you decided already then that you would never let him know about it.

Your friendship was more important than a flimsy crush that would eventually go away.

…

Time passed, and you and Chan were happy to be in the same class when you entered primary school. The teacher soon figured that you two should not sit next to each other unless they wanted to have you chatting throughout every lesson, but neither of you minded too much: you spent the breaks together, anyway.

As you grew older, you and Chan only got closer, although you also had your fights. Sometimes one of you would feel left out; sometimes he’d get upset after you beat him at a game; sometimes one of you just had a bad day, and sometimes there were simply misunderstandings that you solved fast and continued as though nothing had ever happened. None of the small quarrels tore you apart from each other, and instead brought the two of you closer to one another.

Even your crush on him got stronger as time passed, which wasn’t necessarily what you wanted to happen. You thought he was really cute and cool, and loved seeing him dance as he picked up interest in it. Whenever he was sick, you worried about him, and would help him with schoolwork if he wasn’t fully on track. Naturally he was also incredibly kind to you, being a good-hearted boy who thought of you as one of the most important people in his life, and it made you happy. He never left a favor unreturned, and took similar care of you as you did of him.

Still too pure to think too deep into it, you simply enjoyed the hugs you got from him and gave him, as much as they made you feel butterflies yet were simply an act of friendship to him.

It wasn’t until you entered middle school that you realized that especially with your feelings growing stronger, the one-sided nature of them would eventually hurt you: Chan was starting to get interested in people in a romantic way, and when he first whispered to you that he had a crush on someone, your heart jumped to your throat, only to sink back down when Chan told you who it was on. Naturally, you though, it was not on you.

“That’s nice,” you told him, forcing a smile to your face, and held back a deep sigh when the object of his crush walked past the two of you and you had to witness the smitten look on his face.

“It feels so nice,” Chan sighed dreamily, a serene smile on his face, and turned to you with a wide smile. “I hope you find someone you like soon, too.”

“Sure,” you managed to say despite your heart hurting and wanting to tell him that you had already liked him for seven years.

He tilted his head a little at your ingenuine tone and expression, but was soon distracted by the teacher entering the class. “I’ll talk to you again after the lesson.”

You only nodded, sighing when Chan left to his own seat, and looked at your notebook absentmindedly. Now that you knew who he liked, you couldn’t help but pay attention to how much he looked at them, and you could only wish he would look at you with such a warm, adoring gaze.

In all honesty you had known it was bound to happen sooner or later - with how many confessions he had gotten, you thought it impossible for him to not like someone eventually. For the sake of your own heart, you just hoped that he wouldn’t start dating before you got over your silly little crush.

You got your share of confessions, too, and after turning down one, you had Chan running to you. You were in ninth grade, practically counting days until the summer holidays, after which you’d enter high school.

“Why did you turn him down? He really likes you, and he’s not too bad, either, is he?” he asked, genuinely curious, and got his arm around your shoulders, which made your heart flutter.

“It’s too early to start dating,” you mumbled, avoiding Chan’s gaze, and sighed. “And besides, I like someone else.”

“He must be a lucky guy,” Chan smiled widely and squeezed your shoulder lightly. “You need to tell me who he is sometime.”

“We’ll see,” you said with a small smile, although your heart felt heavy. Even after all those years, you still weren’t ready to tell him - not when you had regular sleepovers and knew practically all of each other’s secrets. It was all too precious to be ruined: by the age of fifteen, you had some knowledge on the possible outcomes of confessing to your friend, and you didn’t want to take chances.

By the time you finally entered high school, you were officially smitten for Chan. Your cheeks would heat up in his presence a lot, and you were getting more and more conscious over the fact that he was attractive and that you really wanted to kiss him.

He had yet to notice anything, and by then you were in too deep to say anything about your crush, either, and instead swallowed any and all bitter feelings inside of you when he found a girl he liked, then loved, and eventually started dating.

Up until then you had been inseparably close, and even when he started dating the girl, you remained fairly close, although you could also feel him growing more distant as he began spending more time with her and less with you, which you also partially blamed on yourself. With the bitter emotions storming inside of you, there had been a few occasions where you had let jealousy have the best of you and had given him a bit of a cold shoulder, which you regretted.

It all lasted for a few months, during which you had gotten closer with your friends in one of the after school clubs you took part in, until one afternoon you saw Chan waiting at the door of the classroom your club was in. Frowning, you grabbed your bag and walked to the door.

“What’s up?” you asked in concern as the two of you began walking home, and Chan remained oddly quiet.

“She broke up with me,” he then said, his eyes aimed at the ground. Your heart dropped at the sight and knowledge, and you pouted a little as Chan sighed, a small, sad smile on his face.

“You’ll be fine,” you said and got your arm around his shoulders, holding him close to you. “You’re so sweet and kind and so cool when you dance; I’m sure there’ll be someone else.”

Sighing, Chan nodded. “I hope you’re right.”

For a few months you got closer again as you helped him mend his broken heart, but eventually, especially during the second year of high school, the two of you began truly drifting apart.

Chan got more active in the dance club, which took a lot of his time, as well as got much closer to the people in it. Adding a new girlfriend to that, there wasn’t too much time for you, although both of you tried to stay close for as long as you could. However, once you started spending more and more time with your other friends, too, it started to feel natural to talk less and less.

For some time you two would still text regularly and talk at school every now and then, but gradually throughout the school year, the two of you went from best friends to near strangers. You were in different classes for your last year of high school, and hardly talked at all during it.

By the summer you hardly even greeted each other, and it tore your heart apart just as much as it did to see him kiss his girlfriend at your graduation with the brightest smile on his face.

Your parents had also taken note of him not coming over, as opposed to him coming over at least once a week for whatever reason, and you had told them with a pained expression that you two weren’t talking anymore.

That summer, both your parents and friends made sure you had a great time, and you found yourself hardly even thinking about Chan with all the trips you went on and great things you did with your friends.

You could only hope college would be good to you, too.

…

Unfortunately you were painfully aware about the fact that Chan would be going to the same college as you, but you found solace in thinking that he’d probably have forgotten about you, as well as the fact that the college had so many students that bumping into him out of all people seemed unlikely.

Once you had first gotten to campus, you got settled in your room, which you were fortunate enough to share with someone you clicked with fairly well, and sighed as you looked out of your window. Your roommate tilted their head.

“Something on your mind?” they asked and got their counterpane out of one of their boxes so that they could put it on their bed.

You pouted a little and turned to look at your roommate. “Just… it’s not too likely to meet someone from your past when there’s so many of us here, right?”

They raised their eyebrows before shrugging with a small smile. “I want to say it isn’t, but the universe has twisted ways.”

“That’s true,” you sighed, slumping your shoulders as you sat down on your bed. “I just want to have a peaceful freshman year.”

Your roommate snorted, at which you pouted.

“Good luck with that.”

Not much later, you were called out for the beginning of orientation, and you decided to stick together at first, although you both had some of your friends from high school join you rather soon. There were a few quicker informative lectures about the college, how it worked and so on, and a few hours later you were more than ready to retreat back to your room with some pamphlets and flyers in your arms.

“Is there still something?” you asked with a sigh, and one of your high school friends hummed as they looked at the timetable.

“A lecture on student services, I think,” they said, and you held back a groan.

Before you were able to say anything else, you heard your name be called.

“Y/N?”

Chills ran down your spine as your feet stopped moving, and your friends turned to look at you in surprise. Slowly, you turned to look at the direction where the familiar voice came from, although it was lower than you remembered.

And there he was: Lee Chan, looking confused and wearing a pair of round glasses that made him all the more adorable.

“Chan..?” you asked with a tilt of your head, frowning, and felt your heart jump to your throat when he melted into a wide smile that left no room for misunderstanding: it was Chan. Turning to your friends, you smiled a little. “I’ll come soon. Save me a seat, okay?”

With that, you walked to Chan, all kinds of emotions storming inside of you: disappointment over how things had gone between the two of you, surprise to see him on the very first day of orientation, happiness over seeing him after a long time, and… something warm in your chest over how lovely his smile still was.

“I saw you were going to enroll here, but I didn’t expect to see you, at least so soon,” Chan said brightly, and you nodded with a small, awkward smile on your face.

“Me neither,” you noted and took a deep breath. “So… how are you and Minkyung?”

His face fell momentarily, but the smile reappeared on his face soon. “Ah, we broke up over the summer. It wasn’t working.”

“I see,” you nodded, trying to ignore the way your heart seemed to flutter with some dumb hope.

“What about you? Anything new?” Chan inquired, and you wished you had something interesting to tell him, such as having a hot boyfriend or having done something cool over the summer or just anything.

And yet. “Nothing, really. Same old, same old.”

Chan smiled at you. “Well, now that we’re in college I’m sure there’ll be something. And also… do you want to catch up sometime? Like, properly, over coffee or something?”

“Uh, sure,” you said, slightly dumbfounded as to where it was all coming from, and got a bright smile from him.

“I think we need to go now, but I’ll message you about it later,” he stated and you could only nod as you then began walking to the auditorium your next lecture would be in. Chan stole glances at you, worrying his lower lip between his teeth; he was next to his childhood friend who was once his best friend, yet you now felt like a stranger, and he blamed it on himself. “So… did you have a nice summer?”

“I did, actually,” you said, your smile becoming more genuine and happy as you recalled all the great memories you had made during the few months you had had free. “I travelled quite a bit, and just… did a lot of things, you know.”

“I think I saw some of the photos, yeah,” Chan hummed and gave you a warm smile. “I’m glad you had a good time.”

“I hope you did, too,” you said right when you reached the auditorium door, which was where you parted your ways as Chan left to look for people he knew and you located your friends, too.

Your roommate nudged you as soon as you had sat down next to them. “Was that the someone from the past?”

“Yeah,” you whispered, trying to calm down your rapidly beating heart.

“Is he your ex or something?” they asked, and you nearly choked on your spit.

“God, no. We… used to be best friends and I used to like him for a long time, it’s a long story,” you mumbled and let out a deep sigh. Your roommate nodded in understanding, and before the person at the very front of the auditorium began talking, told you that they’d be willing to listen if you ever wanted to talk about it.

A few hours later you were finally back to your room, and upon checking your phone, noticed a message from Chan where he asked you if you wanted to grab coffee the next day. Although skeptical, you found yourself agreeing, and so the next day you made your way to one of the cafés on campus, spotting Chan by the door of it.

“Good to see you,” he smiled when he spotted you, and you smiled once you finally reached him.

“Yeah,” you said with a nod, and without further ado suggested that you enter the café.

The two of you looked at the menu carefully, and Chan asked you what you were getting. When you answered, he chuckled and looked at you brightly. “Some things don’t change. I remember you getting that pretty much all the time.”

“Why change the order when you’ve found something you like,” you said with a soft chuckle, and Chan agreed. Much to your amusement he ordered his old favorite, too, and soon you were both seated by one of the window tables.

Meeting up with him was just as awkward as you had feared it would be, yet also oddly comfortable. While you hadn’t talked in almost a year, it felt like hardly any time had passed since you last spoke. It was weird and it made you both happy and sad, knowing that you had missed almost a year of time with him.

Almost a year without your best friend.

You caught up pretty extensively and talked about your shared memories, all of which made you feel nostalgic, and for a moment it felt like you were with the 3-year-old you had once become friends with - only, you were both 16 years older.

A few hours later, the two of you walked back to your dorms, talking cheerfully as you did so. When you reached your dorm, Chan turned to you.

“I know I kinda… blew it in high school, but would you like to start seeing more again?” he asked, seemingly hopeful yet nervous about your reply. The next words he practically blurted out. “I really miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” you mumbled, hardly able to keep a pout off your face, and without thinking about it too much - thinking about your feelings too much - you nodded. “I think it’d be nice to reconnect.”

Even if it meant awakening the warm feelings that were already starting to arise in your chest whenever you saw him smile.

“Great,” Chan grinned at you, and gave you a friendly hug. “Well, I’ll see you around, then.”

“Yeah, see you,” you smiled and watched him leave as he continued walking down the road until he reached his dorm. Sighing, you entered yours and made your way to your room, thinking about the decision you had just made.

All you could do was hope you wouldn’t regret it.

After that you and Chan saw each other regularly, regaining the close friendship you once shared, little by little. You were a bit worried to realize that with that, all the adoration and love you felt for him were brought back, too, but you didn’t know how to stop it, and finding someone else didn’t feel right, either, as much as your roommate promised to work as some sort of a matchmaker for you.

No, you’d figure it out yourself eventually.

Time passed, and towards the end of the first semester you and Chan were more or less best friends again, although you were still trying to mend what had been lost and broken between the two of you. You spent a lot of time together and supported each other during whatever slumps occurred, and also went to most of the events and parties together, sometimes with one or two other friends, too.

It made you smile how you got to see him in such new situations: falling asleep on his book in the library, witnessing him dancing wildly at a party after one too many drinks, sneaking him to your dorm room after he had gotten locked out of his own for a reason you weren’t sure you even wanted to know… you treasured every bit of it, and Chan felt the same way about you.

Shortly put, you were both more than happy to be back in each other’s lives.

As the spring semester came near, Chan invited you to yet another party, which felt particularly tempting due to how annoyingly strong your crush on him was getting once again. Sleeping had gotten difficult because you thought about him so much, and you found yourself thinking about him more and more, too, and not completely platonically, either. With how much you wanted to do all kinds of romantic things with him and have him treasure you, you concluded that you were in need of a drink and letting loose; you were in need of forgetting, if only for one night.

As per usual, the two of you went to the party together, and Chan raised his eyebrows when you went directly to the drinks.

“Planning to get wasted today?” he asked jokingly when you poured a drink for yourself, and you nodded determinedly once you raised the cup to your lips.

“Damn straight,” you said with a smile, not in the least correcting Chan when he assumed that the reason lied in the nearing new semester, which only knew stress, deadlines and lacking sleep.

“Good thing you have me taking care of you,” he chuckled and got himself a drink, too and you agreed with him.

Much to your joy the party was incredibly pleasant. You had a good time and were actually able to forget about your feelings for Chan for a moment, and you found out that the party wasn’t too bad even when you were separated from him for a while. You talked with people you hadn’t spoken with before, danced a little and all that, all the while Chan talked with some people, too, while making sure you were okay and not getting into any kind of trouble.

Some hours into the party, Chan blinked in surprise when you suddenly got your arm around his shoulders and leaned against him, your breath smelling faintly of the alcohol you still had in your cup as well as in your body. A smile spread to his lips, and he got his arm around you, too, providing you support. “What’s up?”

“I have to tell you something,” you began with a giggle that he could tell was more hollow than it was meant to be. He raised his eyebrows, and you grinned at him, although it didn’t reach your eyes. “It’s a funny story, really.”

“What is it?” he asked, one of his eyebrows quirked, completely unaware of what you were about to say.

You let out a deep sigh, your face falling a little at that. “I used to have a huge crush on you for a loooong time, you know?”

Chan’s eyes widened and his lips parted in surprise, and he was unable to say anything as his heart jumped to his throat.

“You never noticed it… Maybe I hid it so well? It was funny, honestly… Being your best friend when I just really… loved you,” you said, your words sounding a bit messy, and Chan listened intently, his expression darkening a little when you went on. “All the girls you dated… your broken heart that I had to help you heal…”

“Y/N, stop,” Chan managed to say at last and pulled you a bit closer to him so that he could hug you with one arm. You sighed again, closing your eyes and leaning into him, hardly remembering the cup in your hand.

“You’ve still got such a warm hug,” you sighed, breathing in his scent, and there was something in the situation added to the alcohol in your blood that made you emotional. Sniffling, you took a hold of the back of Chan’s sweater. “...I want to go home.”

As much as he was enjoying the party, his heart was hurting seeing you like that, especially after hearing what you had said, so he nodded without hesitation. “Let’s go.”

Chan walked you to your dorm room and made sure you got to bed well, but when he was about to leave, you took his hand into yours.

“Don’t leave me again,” you mumbled, your eyes already closed, and Chan pouted a little, rubbing the back of your hand gently.

“Do you want me to stay over?” he asked, and you let out a noise he could only take as a positive answer, especially when it was joined with a nod from you.

You let go of his hand and got into a comfortable position under your blanket, and soon you had him lying down next to you, keeping a safe space between the two of you. Chan sighed as he looked at you, a put on his face, and stroked your arm slowly through the blanket you had over yourself.

“I’ve made you go through a lot, haven’t I?” he asked rhetorically, his voice small, and smiled a little with a sad hint to it. “I’ll try to make up for it. I’m sorry.”

The next morning you, much to your own surprise, woke up with Chan by your side. You frowned, trying to remember what had happened the previous night, but it was all so blurry and the headache was killing you, so all you could do was hope you hadn’t said or done anything dumb, although being in your own bed fully clothed gave you a lot of hope.

Somewhat able to scramble over Chan, you got out of bed and into the bathroom, taking note of the empty bed of your roommate’s on the way. Figuring that they’d gotten some other place to sleep at the night before, you instead focused on how the night had been for you while brushing your teeth and washing your face.

Clearly you had been with Chan the whole evening, which wasn’t much of a surprise since you were close again, but besides that it all was a blur. Only your gut feeling told you that there was a good reason for him to have slept next to you.

Even after you had freshened up a little, you remained seated on your toilet, trying to will your body to feel less nauseous while also avoiding having to talk with Chan, who you hoped was still sleeping.

Your hopes turned into dust when you could hear a knock on the bathroom door, followed by a low, groggy voice. “Y/N, are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, just give me a second,” you rushed to answer, and you hated the way your heart was hammering in your chest. As if you weren’t feeling bad enough already.

“Okay,” Chan replied, after which you figured he left the door.

Sighing, you massaged your temples. Whether it was the hangover or just a general arising of old emotions, you suddenly felt as much like a mess as you had in high school when you were trying to deal with the unrequited feelings you held for the boy that was now sitting on your bed.

“I’m stronger now,” you mumbled to yourself and finally stood up and got out of the bathroom, building up your courage so that you could look at Chan and actually talk with him.

He smiled up at you, his hair a bit of a mess. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” you mumbled with a small smile, too, and leaned against the wall next to the bathroom door. Clearing your throat, you began fiddling with the hem of the shirt you were wearing. “So… what happened last night?”

You could see Chan’s expression change for a moment before he sighed and gave you a soft yet sad smile. “You kind of… opened up, I guess.”

Feeling your eyes widen, you then winced and covered your face with your hand. “About..?”

Chan pouted and stood up so that he could walk to you. “About you, me, us… I had no idea you liked me.”

Your heart felt like it could’ve burst out of anxiety, and breathing felt challenging, too. Chan looked at you in concern and slowly placed his hands on your shoulders, only pulling you into a hug when you didn’t show a sign of not wanting it.

“It’s really nothing,” you mumbled, clinging onto Chan as you hid your face in his shoulder. Tears were stinging in your eyes, and a part of you hated just how comforting his hug was, even as you braced yourself for yet another rejection, this time a direct one.

“It’s not nothing,” Chan said, audibly pouting, and stroked your back soothingly. “I could tell you’ve been hurting, you know. And I’m sorry. For that, and for letting us drift apart, and…”

“It takes two to drift apart,” you reminded him with a sniffle, and got a quiet hum from him.

“I guess. I just… I never wanted to hurt you,” he whispered, holding you close as he sighed. “I’m sorry for being blind.”

Holding the back of his sweater in your fists, you shook your head. “It’s fine, I was doing my best to hide it anyway… I played myself.”

“I didn’t mean that,” Chan said quietly, and you slowly lifted your face, looking at him with a small frown, your eyes glistening with tears. He gave you a small, sad smile and dried some of the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs. “I’ve been blind to my own feelings.”

Unable to say anything, all you could do was stare into his eyes as you tried to figure out if he was saying what you thought he was saying, and you could hear your heartbeat.

Melting into a wide smile, Chan caressed your cheeks. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently, Y/N, and I think I…”

“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it,” you whispered, your eyes watering with fresh tears, and Chan shook his head, his eyes glistening a little, too.

“...like you. I like you.”

His voice was so steady and his gaze was so warm that your knees nearly gave in, and you weren’t sure if you still believed your ears.

Lee Chan, who you had liked since preschool, liked you?

A smile spread to your lips as you sniffled and placed your hands on top of his on your cheeks. “Really? Even though I’m… me? Despite all the unflattering situations you’ve seen me in?”

“Because you’re you,” Chan laughed, the grin on his face widening at your latter remark. “Besides, most of those unflattering situations were in kindergarten.”

“My point exactly,” you choked out and let out a quiet laugh. “We’ve known each other for so long, it’s crazy.”

“Maybe that’s why I’m crazy about you,” Chan blurted out and blushed a little. “I mean--”

“Smooth,” you smiled at him, and Chan held back a groan before looking into your eyes shyly, lowering his hands from your cheeks and taking your hands into his.

“How do you feel about me now, though?” he asked quietly, biting on his lower lip as he waited for your reply.

“Right now you’re not helping my hangover, but,” you began, taking a break as you grinned widely, “I still like you, you dummy.”

Chan let out a sigh of relief and hugged you tightly, only to pull back soon afterwards. “You’re hungover?”

“Yep,” you nodded with a meek smile, and got a chuckle from Chan.

“Get in bed, I’ll go grab us something to eat and be right back.”

You did just that and watched him curiously as he put his jacket on and turned to look at you with a bright smile on his face before leaving your room.

There was comfort in the knowledge that he would be back, and once he did return, the two of you ate eagerly, after which you talked a little about how you felt about each other and how you would continue.

Little by little your relationship grew more romantic in nature - neither of you rushed anything, and instead let it all happen naturally as days passed. You’d start holding hands, hug more, cuddle…

And, a few weeks later, you shared your first kiss, which was everything yet nothing like you had imagined, but only in a good way.

You had been on your bed, you with one of your coursebooks on your lap and Chan was playing a video game on his portable console, and after finishing another stage, he had turned to you, about to ask something. You had turned to him at the same time, and your lips brushed against each other’s, which made your eyes widen.

Melting into a smile, you had then placed your hand on his leg and given him a proper kiss, to which he replied with a similar wide, happy smile, cupping your cheek with his hand.

Slowly, you pulled back, the brightest smile on your face. “So, what were you about to say?”

“I forgot,” Chan snorted, and you gave him a gentle nudge, at which he laughed.

Whatever he was about to ask you never came back to him, but instead you shared a few more light kisses before attempting to focus on what you were doing again, which proved out to be impossible to the point where you ushered Chan out of your room, laughing.

“I’ll leave with one condition,” he said with a laugh when he was standing in the hallway and you were by your door.

Quirking your eyebrow knowingly, you grinned. “One more kiss?”

“Exactly,” Chan smiled and pulled you in for a kiss that nearly had you melting and reconsidering your decision to study rather than spend time with him - only the importance of the course helped you remain strong.

Meanwhile, Chan left with a grin on his face, and once you returned to your bed, you were met with two messages showing on your phone screen.

14:02 I could tell you wanted me to stay. Study well, I won’t kiss you again unless your exam goes well! 14:03 ...We both know that’s a lie, but I still want you to do well! I love you 💕

Admin Scooter

[citrus-feline]

I can't sleep. I keep thinking about that fucking doctor. Her lack of care for my needs was astounding. I can't stop thinking about her complete disregard for my comfort. She works in a field where people who have as much trouble in those kinds of situations isn't abnormal, and yet she treated me like that. I want to believe that I'm overthinking it, but there was too much wrong there for me to be okay with it. She made assumptions about me, harmful assumptions. She then accused me of avoiding my problems instead of coping when I explained that I avoid some very specific things in order to make sure I'm safe. Her fucking TONE when we were talking about this was the worst. "So you're avoiding things instead of coping." "Well- no, I-" "Well yes" FUCKING? MAYBE LISTEN TO YOUR DAMN PATIENT? IM TRYING TO EXPLAIN HOW I AVOID PLACES WITH SHARP OBJECTS WHEN HAVING A PANIC ATTACK BECAUSE I WILL HURT MYSELF AND SHE FUCKING HAS THE NERVE TO ACT LIKE SHE KNOWS BETTER THAN ME? I JUST MET YOU LADY. YOU DONT FUCKING KNOW A THING. She over and over kept treating me like I was a fucking piece of shit. Which very well might be true, but it was to the point where I could tell she doubted I was mentally ill at all. I told her my biggest fear is being a burden, and what did she do immediately following? Ask me what I fucking do to help around the house, make me think about the fact that HEY I kind of AM a burden. Like here's my biggest fear "oh cool now let's make you think about it and let it fuck you up for the rest of the week". She could have approached it so much fucking better. But she immediately made me make the connection in my mind that wow I really am a piece of shit daughter who should just die. Of all people a professional should know to put something between the two things so I don't fucking make that conclusion, like basically any other person with the same issues would? She starts lecturing me later about how fucking incorrectly I'm using my fucking sun lamp and giving me "advice" about how to remedy it as if doing that would instantly cure me. Maybe I don't do that shit? Because I'm too depressed to move most days? Hm? Fuckin think of that Jean? Ever think of how maybe not everyone is neurotypical? And maybe how it's your fucking job to understand people who aren't? PhD my ass. My fucking fat ass. I know more about treating a mentally ill person correctly and I have what, zero college education about it? Maybe uh trying to understand it on a personal level is important to a job where being empathetic is preferred would be helpful huh. And like. I tried to tell her how much I didn't like being there. Because hey I thought I'd give her some last benefit of the doubt and try to say how I felt out loud. And what did she say? "Oh, you didn't run out screaming, so you have a lot better grasp on things than you think!" Uh??? Maybe there's several reasons why I didn't fucking run? 1) That exam was fucking super important to my case for SSI and bailing on it would be the Worst Thing 2) How the fuck would I explain that to anyone? The fear of trying to explain it would be worse than anything else. 3) Hey I was just too scared to move more than an inch. If I looked relaxed, fucking get new glasses. I was stumbling on my words constantly. I was sweating and I'm sure it wasn't difficult to tell. Most of all, I was itching at my finger until it almost started bleeding by the end of the exam. And even verbally explaining how I felt wasn't enough for her to take my discomfort to heart. I am sick of people who are supposed to be professional treating the people they are tasked to look over like dirt. I already have fucking issues cuz of the same kinds of people in the past, and now someone who's supposed to listen to me about those kinds of experiences is treating me the same way. I didn't miss that fucking tone. I didn't fucking miss it. I heard it. She didn't care. She spoke over me and interrupted me, someone incredibly vulnerable. I was telling her everything about me and what does she do? Disrespect me. Treat me like filth. I miss Janet. I wish she was still here to do an evaluation for me. She understood me. She listened to me. But now all I get is therapists who are too quick to say I'm getting better after years of depression and fucking mental health examiners who don't give a damn about what they are examining you for.