#if i went there at that specific day and hour
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went to church yesterday and got called a pervert so that was something
#i think it was the first and only time i went there willingly just because i felt the need#0 religious needs since forever. just felt it might make some sort of impact on me#if i went there at that specific day and hour#some of the things that were said there were nice and some rather not. yeah#maybe i needed to hear that in person#but there was also this elderly lady who looked just like my great grandma who died two years ago and who i've been thinking a lot these day#s#that felt very important#maybe i needed to go to that church and see that lady as a next step of saying goodbye to my grandma. seeing someone looking identical#to her for the one last time#and the very not nice things i don't agree with were needed to be heard in person so i would know not to search for my dead loved ones#in church#a mind simply loves rationalizing things but i will accept this for now#meaning as long as i need to
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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neighborhood watch
#boyd cooper#psychonauts#nightmaretheater#OUH my god. i am so impredsrd by myself today.#little known fact hes. Okay hes. i have alot of fsvourite charscters… hes up there. Okay?#(i like crispin more but. hes intruiging to me)#but lik. Ugh. i still feel like i cant draw him becauee of the meme incident… sad…..#🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹hes so silly tho#his vibe is like a bitcrushrd video of a cat jumping at the sight of a cucumber#okay . The delirium is winning a little. i cannot type tigjt rn. HHmmgmgmgmgmgmm#time taken was like.. 8 hours?#sighs. One day i will have created atleast one detailed rendering of every character. then the mission will be complete /nsrs#i was going for a more movie poster aesthetic but then i just kinda went… nah….#no music to post becasue its painfully obvious#me 🤝 this specific color palette#okay i need to get dressed… hold on#I HATE LETTERING I HATE LETTERING I HATE LETTERING I HA#i meant to post this like an hour ago but then the king crimson music absorbed me sorru
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compiled whatever this is (and I run out of tag space)
meh HoT gifs (3/?)
#alek gifs#ninjago#ninjago krux#ninjago acronix#hands of time#time twins#alternate title to this series is : stuff i noticed after watching this season 10 whole times#okay actually thats a lie. i realized this the 3rd time around#i think of acronix and how he barely makes any decisions for himself and i go crazy#ppl equate that with him feeling forced to do stuff.. uh hes always been a follower guys!!#cue him calling wu “master wu” even after the twins betrayal. him liking machia bc shes “mean” and bossy#he has no issue with following orders lol. prepare for a long acronix rant one day#contexts -> gif 1 barely counts i just wanted to include him looking at krux. he does this a lot during that fight#gif 2 is before they kill blunck and raggmunk (idk how to spell their names still ... sorry)#gif 3 is before they were going to kill wu in the golden hour legacy short. which is canon !!#gif 4 is before they sent themselves into the temporal vortex#that one post that was like “are we still doing revenge? yeah? cool” bc thats basically acronix#there is something fundamentally wrong with these two's brains but idk how to describe it#krux who literally lost his mind after losing his brother to the point he adopted an entire identity#“he just needed to go undercover!!” counter point as soon as acronix came back he was unable to pretend to be saunders. he acted super weird#like when kai was in the museum he couldnt pretend to be this person he wasnt. acronix was back !!! so was he. krux was 100% going to kill#the smith sibs if maya and ray didnt comply. also.. canonly they knew him when they worked as teachers back in s3. he watched them grow up#and pretended all was well meanwhile their parents were being forced to work and slave away to build the iron doom. he is not normal#then you have acronix who thrives off of violence and is described as throwing himself into battle like a blunt object. has no regard#for himself as a person and just takes (almost) everything his brother says as gospel. s7 couldve done smthn really cool with how#the only thing the twins ever really disagreed on was technology. also ive went on a semirant about how krux's hatred for tech was misplaced#hatred for losing acronix. wanted to travel to the pre modern era? okay well whyd he pick 40 years ago specifically. also NOTE that they#went back after their past selves had lost. they wouldve faired better if they went and helped their past selves. also the reversal blade#had already fallen so when the twins went back in time there was two kruxes. he literally went back to when he had been all alone for the#for the first time. he went back to when his life was ruined and his brother was gone!! but he had nix with him this time . ughdhf
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I become 300% more of both a lover and a hater when I'm on my period. just a time of the month when I have strong opinions I would say
#i want to kiss a butch for 3 hours. also i'm the only one in the world with correct opinions about everything#me the main character of life#anyway i saw this post complaining about sanitized mass marketable queer art#where the person described themselves based on the interests i guess they thought were most stereotypical and then were like#isn't there something rawer or more real than this#to which i would say there is! but you went to the queer market day#idk it is a frustration of mine too i do get it#but i think some people could stand to just get weirder and like the things they like#idk i buy cute little queer stickers all the time but i regularly stand out as a strange person in both queer and straight communities#get a friend who worked the same shit job who will sell you abstract alien art they made while they were high it's not hard#go to goodwill more. you'll find some raw expressions of humanity.#if you just want your interests to be more genuine to you it's simple#you just have to accept that maybe 2 other people will be able to rec you music or foods you enjoy#being more specific isn't everything it's cracked up to be sometimes#i think the problem here is mainly capitalism
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having a stressful time at work but i think it's very important to point out the other day i was asking a guy for help and he's like aight gotcha and then we go to this freezer room and he, from somewhere beyond a mound of boxes, just goes "you like anime right?"
sir this is the FIRST TIME we have spoken how did you clock that.
(he claims i had the vibes of someone who liked it then i was like oh like the woman in the deli wearing a jujutsu- and before i can finish the series name he says "no not her, she just liked the shirt. she's never watched anime". . . oh. i see. you have already had this debate with her then. okay.)
EDIT UPDATE:
So I got clocked AGAIN as a weeb by a coworker because I saw part of her outfit and was like "oh, Attack on Titan?" and while I then said I've never watched it she said that's fair then "do you know anything about vtubers?" and I just. Are you kidding me. I mean yeah but like. Why is your safe question with me "do you know about vtubers".
WHAT AURA DO I BRING TO A GROCERY STORE TO BE CALLED OUT LIKE THIS?
#moe talks a lot#not art#also im trying to swap from pick up to stocking and specifically dairy stocking#bc they seem to always have the hardest time keeping things stocked#and all of pick up has to stop them from working to ask for things in the back which keeps things from getting stocked#and this one guy made a terrible mistake of telling me#yeah we're like the unwanted ginger stepkids of the grocery store#because my brain immediately went NO IM ADOPTING THE DAIRY DEPARTMENT AS MY BELOVED GINGER KIDS#i told my mom that comment and she immediately laughed and said welp thats your department now#before i could even tell her i mentally adopted them#anyway gotta get to bed soon bc i do actually think i was a bit sick ? im so tired despite napping earlier#and only working a partial shift (five hours instead of eight)#sooooo gotta get rested up for the next three (or more!) days#since ive been cursed with no social life and will always work saturday and sunday#so even though my current schedule ends saturday and the next week schedule will be released At Some Point for sunday onward#i have yet to have a sunday off so i am most likely working sunday again#like the job itself is rough and i dont think the pick up workers like me much but every other department seems v nice and chill#i will continue to write essays in the tags no one can stop me
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#not using my big girl brain OR the tags im just turning the thots over like a boiled sweet on a cold winter day but#there is something to be said for the parallels between carla and liam / carla and lisa#more to the point specifically for today’s thoughts: carla telling lisa that she loves her and lisa not saying it back#even if it’s so obvious to we the viewers (and ofc with vicky’s confirmation) that she feels the same but is obviously struggling with it#rewatching those old scenes really put carla and liam into perspective as a thirty year old and not a thirteen-fourteen year old#but that she opens herself to him so completely and so immediately and even though he shows hesitation she doesn’t let it stop her#she tells him don’t worry you’ll get there because i know we’re meant to be i know this is right i know and i trust in us and in you#and then he goes back to maria#and now present day carla confessing her Big Feelings and lisa hesitates#and it’s like it’s happening all over again#she likes lisa more than lisa likes her#and she’s been here before and she knows what it means#and best case scenario it takes lisa another several months to come to terms with her feelings and now she’s just been told that she might#not have that long to wait#she needs in she needs security she needs immediacy she needs anything but hesitation#god though ESPECIALLY after liam was the one who carla brought up when discussing lost love with lisa and not peter#not paul#(haha bird joke)#idk it’s in my head like worms#rewatching those old liarla scenes last night was like a punch to the gut i forgot they went through all of what they did#and now again…… UGGGHH#anyway#not to say i’m concerned because i truly believe they’ll work this out the way they’ve worked everything out so far:#thoroughly and together#and i cannot waaaaait to watch#that’s it that’s my lunch hour thought of the day#coronation street spoilers
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Anyone else have near-perfect executive function at work; but at home, have literally no energy or motivation to do anything except lie in a dark room, with something in or on your ears for several hours?
#It’s got to be the schedule keeping me on task at work#I love microdosing strict routines (not having an actual routine for the day; but having routines for small tasks#which piss me off if I can’t carry them out precisely the way I planned)#For instance: If I’m asked to paperclip a bunch of stuff together with multicolored paperclips of various sizes#I cannot just indiscriminately pick paperclips from the container because that is WRONG and ILLEGAL#The colors must fit the theme of the assignments; and the colors must alternate in a specific order#and the paperclips must all be the same size#If I’m asked to dump out and clean containers of writing utensils I am going to sort them by type and color#whether you like it or not#Black permanent markers have their own container in a different section from the blue permanent markers#Dry-erase markers are not to be mixed with permanent markers because they are easily confused and it is WRONG and ILLEGAL#Do not fuck with the system. It’s the only organizational skill I have and by fucking GOD I’m going to use it in EXCESS#I stuff and fill out envelopes the exact same way every time because if I do it any other way it is WRONG and ILLEGAL#The stamp always goes on last to minimize monetary waste if there is a mistake#Now you’d think my room is squeaky clean and organized because of how particular I am about these small tasks#Right? Right?#NO IT IS NOT. It looks like a bomb went off. Cleaning the room is a big task which cannot be accomplished within two hours#therefore I have discarded it as anything I need a routine for because it would take too long to come up with#and it is very hard for me to do things like that without instructions or a sense of consistency#So I simply don’t#“After five years the dust doesn’t get any worse” correct; but the mold certainly does#I am convinced half my problems with organization as a kid would have been solved if I just had a hamper#“We have a clothes chute; you don’t need a hamper” Maybe you don’t but I DO#I want one now; but I’m going to use it as incentive to get an apartment#because that’s another thing I need to smuggle and I have too much already
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... hey guys does infinite crisis uh. start on father's day
#by 'start' i mean Diana kills Lord#because that happens on a sunday evening#which we know because the news is breaking while jason is in the titans tower beating up tim#and the previous issue of tt takes place on a sunday afternoon#specifically father's day#ending with tim saying he's thinking about heading out to have dinner with alfred and bruce#since his own dad is dead#so my question is#is it the same sunday#did tim call up bruce like 'hey what are we doing for dinner?'#and did bruce say 'oh uh we are not i have to find martian manhunter he went missing after the watchtower exploded'#and tims reaction is 'its ok ill get cyborg to give me a ride home'#soooo#i think its the same day#Tims first father's day as an orphan:#cyborg invites you to bowling#bowling gets hijacked by a fight and kidnapping and all that jazz#you fight a villain who shows you the ghost of your dad asking about his murder#you win the fight#you go bowling#you call up your not-dad-yet-but-kinda about dinner#he is busy#you say you'll get a ride home with cyborg then#cyborg is busy because hes about to prep for a space mission regarding the day batman is having and not telling you about#cyborg is prevented from going on said space mission by your undead predecessor showing up to beat you up#you get beat up#you are getting beaten up and thus do not know about the breaking news when wonder woman kills someone#you get knocked out#when you wake up you have less than twelve hours to recover and leave to fight the robots that result from the infinite crisis happening#this is so funny sorry tim
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New Employee aquired today
My manager: Hey Grace maybe you can show NE some things, but don't overwhelm her
Me:
Me: so like. make sure it's not a repeat of my first day???
#like maam ive worked here for barely a month you know this#and my first ever shift was 8 hours and CLOSING#i did a lil bit of everything my first day why do you think im so adaptable to what you need now???#anyways i had NE help shred chicken cause we needed more and then i couldnt even use it bc we were out of the salad kit 🙃#today twas a long day#i was supposed to do subs but literally worked on salads all day cause we were so short staffed#a coworker who YESTERDAY asked for a shift today never showed up. our manager had to open and was barely through salads when i got there#(3 hours after open)#me and manager tackled customer service and did as many tasks as we could (specifically distress and make salads)#(i learned how to do temps)#morning cook stayed late WITHOUT TAKING A BREAK to bring back some stuff we needed#closing cook got sick and left when me and NE did leaving i assume 2 store managers (maybe just 1) and one coworker to close#we so short staffed they had a job fair JUST FOR OUR DEPARTMENT.#anywho#ive also been up technically since 1-2am. i got extra 1 hour between then and 5:30am before i had to get up. i went to bed at 9pm#so. ive been tired all day but since i dont have work tomorrow im gonna stay up late and chill#amber's shit you can ignore
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god how many months years is it gonna take me to learn my way around the veilguard files in frosty gahhh
#the biggest problem is that i found out that there's a frosty alpha that will load it BEFORE finishing the game#i could finish the game tonight. probably? idk how much is left but definitely not much#(ik i was posting about it near the end earlier but i went and took a break for a few hours because i was STARVING)#but now im gonna be playing with this at least trying to locate the kinds of files im interested#unfortunately there's no string viewer yet. but maybe that's a good thing because id be here forever if there was#my main thing is i want to go through and get a proper list of all items and codex entries for lore purposes#i can probably get info about gear stats but cant see names or descriptions for now#personal#da#dav#remembering how long it took to get the hang of dai files. bleh. im pretty good with those now (and a lot of that knowledge is transferable#but it'll take a while to learn dav-specific stuff#and so much of it just uses hashes instead of linking files noooo im gonna just have to do an xml dump
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Every once in a while I get this sudden urge to send positive anon asks to people I care a lost about even though they don't even know I exist. Probably. Just to, I don't know. Cheer them up? Be sure that they get at least one positive moment and a "Oh, someone has thought about me today" in their day. Have them know that someone does care about them. And I suppose this urge somehow comes from the lack of and desire for interactions I have here. I've been alone like a rock in my main blog for five years, now that I created this one and linked it to my ao3 and I've experienced 🌠the interactions 🌌 it feels so much lonelier when I don't get any. Which then makes me go "if I post another fic people will reach out and leave comments/reblog/send asks" (the emotions I went through when I received my first ask, oh man). Which isn't exactly the right thing to do/think. But it's exactly what happens. So now that I'm between two fics (The Growls and the WIP) and here it's mostly silent now, like the saying goes, if people don't come to me I go to them. Kind of. It's a sort of coping mechanism. "I'm sad and lonely. Let's send some positivity to someone." And then they reply saying I made them feel better and I feel better too.
#their replies are my interactions#nfr#had to take the 'if i post people will talk to me' thought out of my head before it went to rot#(it goes?)#it's a thought that i shouldnt listen to because i know it's harmful#i should write only for the good of writing. not to lure people to talk to me#but now that i think about it. thats how i grew up. isnt it? if i do this they'll come looking for me#if i do that theyll talk to me. play with me#working on specific internal jokes for days so i can make my friend(s) cry laughing#i dont know if this post will surbive the next 24 hours or if ill delete it earlier#i feel like an idiot#add the constantly checking my stats page on ao3 for new hits kudos bookmarks#and i know its so unhealthy but i cant hold back from doing it#god i hate it so much when the muddy mood happens#i needed to vent. im sorry
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HELLO
okay firstly THANK YOU FOR READING MY SILLY FICS!!! im v v glad u liked them!! that fic in particular that u rbed there is one of my favs personally LMAO creepy sun is so >>>> and secondly.. on my MHA BLOG? MY BAKUGOU WORSHIP BLOG????? ngl i did see u in my notifs over there when i saw ur tags LOL when i tell u i went O.O LMAOOOO. hope u liked them!! some of those r... old writings aldasdlakd. but!! anyways!! hope ur having a wonderful day!! stay swagilicious<3
HI SHAY!! ur silly fics r good argh i bear gifts
i like the way you write them i think the silly dynamics are great !! humans are so vulnerable and you tease the daycare attendant are my favs they did something to my brain actually. and yes you are correct creepy sun >>>>>> your works are nice please have some nice flowers for ur day
#ask#took me two hours to organize these thoughts i woke up saw ur ask and almost squealed#spent at least 2 days binging your fics actually theyre swag and had me smiling like a goofball#about that second part.......ehe#ive been trying to keep the mha thing a secret (involuntary brainrot) despite the pfp on discord but ur fics got to me#i found you thru the discord server for the dca halloween event actually i saw ur pfp and got curious#i specifically remember reading your midoriya drabble some time before so when i went to ur blog and saw it i just went “IT WAS YOU??????”#the little things + ghosts mysteries and a 7ft buff skeleton + midoriya izuku’s love for you is stifling at times r my favs there#theyre cute theyre cute like im not fond of sweets but this ill gladly take! will eat again!! + the halloween one was just funny#im going thru ur quotev right now I RECOGNIZE AT LEAST THREE OF UR WORKS THERE......... IT WAS YOU..... nice#gonna go on ao3 and read more of ur fics (the long ones especially iaawdihwdi)#ur works r cool ure cool
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.
#it’s weird seeing how i deal with grief alone#i’ve never been alone on this day. i’ve always been with my family#and i don’t have anyone there to walk me through the motions#i’m not at the cemetery with them. i’m not talking about her with them. i’m not having dinner with them.#so i woke up and went straight into distracting myself#but i feel weird. because i know something happened on this day that still affects me#i feel very lost in thought but about nothing specific. just kinda dissociated#i just have that one song stuck in my head right now. for a few hours actually#hay nada mas difícil que vivir sin ti.#la gente pasa y pasa siempre tan igual.#la frío de mi cuerpo pregunta por ti. y no se donde estás.#it’s interesting how the death of someone close to you always stays with you#i saw her nearly every day for 16 years and then she was gone#six years later and i still don’t feel like myself today
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from the outside looking in games like final fantasy online and destiny 2 and similar games look really engaging and fun but the thing about me is the idea of paying for expansions and or a subscription fee or both is horrible. and the concept of raids? even worse.
on the flipside i sometimes think about actually updating overwatch 2 bc i miss playing overwatch but really i miss playing old overwatch. i miss when it was good. overwatch is such a game i can turn my brain off and listen to music/podcasts on without sacrificing skill. it's such a easy game to be decent at lmao
#talked about this with ash the other day and how those are the two biggest things that hold me back from them in the long run#i would looooooove to play games like that if it wasn't for those two things specifically#i say this as if i haven't played things like. neverwinter and tried path of exile and only were kinda into them akdjfsdkl#i WANT to be into them bc i think i could sink hours into these types of games and they'd be soooo so good for podcasts#but alas#for the second one i can do apex for podcasts but ONLY mixtape mode#in br mode i gotta fuckin. NO audio except my friends.#even tho i've been trying to listen to music to train myself a bit#i played overwatch CONSTANTLY for years since the open beta#i got a copy of the game on like. day three of it releasing. i was obsessed#it was the first multiplayer game i ever played#i watched overwatch league for the first two? three? years#outlaws were a bad team to root for except when they weren't and i loved them so much. but only the first few years#then owl went. downhill#personal
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[happy rambling in the tags because i love my job so much ✨️🌻]
#im feeling happier than i have in years!!#i love tattoo culture a lot and this specific studio is PERFECT for me#there's three other people working there which is honestly a perfect amount. i don't get overwhelmed but i can still be social#and like. one of them is a cool as shit woman who also hosts queer kink events and is as neck deep in fandom culture as i am#one is a guy running on three redbulls/hour and has a need to draw dicks EVERYWHERE. he also has a rainbow skull called princess skulldaddy#and my mentor is the kindest person ever even tho she pretends to be a grouchy old woman#she is already super protective over me and when i was complaining that i can't glare at people effectively enough she was like#'awww but it's good that you're so sweet! never let people take that quality from you' and i was like cool thanks im gonna cry#also I've annoyed her into listening to my favorite bands! yesterday st aurora started playing in the studio so i naturally went '👀!!!'#and she was like 'that's right you fucking bastard you've convinced me to join your cult' ��#also the clients are really cool too!!#also also the studio is a sponsor for helsinki pride and we're gonna have a queer book club and wine & create evening etc and AHHHHHH#and it's right by the sea at the PRETTIEST place with a lot of trees and boats and swans and god i got so lucky like? am i dreaming??#i get to make art be gay as hell learn tattooing and chat with really cool and nice people all day genuinely what could be better#personal
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