#if i wanted to watch actual god tier main events i should go to all elite

[eternallovers65]

Being angry at WWE for choosing Jey as the winner and making him face Gunther again for the World Championship is pointless because it’s exactly what they do.

It’s in their name—entertainment comes before actual wrestling. Expecting them to prioritize great in-ring competition over mediocrity is just dumb.

[centrally-unplanned]

Haruhi Suzumiya’s Limited Shelf Life

The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi, an adaptation of a light novel series of the same name, is a 2006 anime who’s ascent into stardom occurred with unmatched speed, but in my opinion its staying power as a “relevant” anime experienced an equally rapid descent. Most people would point fingers at the legendary - just unparalleled in its audacity and “fuck all y’all” vibes - Endless Eight arc of its second season. Others, such as this quite fun video essay on Endless Eight which partially inspired this essay, point to the lack of light novel source material dragging down the possibility of more content to keep up momentum. I’m not going to make a numbers or data-based argument on how the Haruhi franchise actually performed; instead, after rewatching the Haruhi anime recently I feel the show itself was built to have a limited shelf-life from the get-go, and its decline should be no surprise.

Haruhi, to briefly summarize, is the story of Kyon, a witty-but-average highschooler who gets tsundere-roped into being the assistant to the titular Haruhi Suzumiya, a bored maniac constantly trying to drum up paranormal hijinks for kicks who is, unbeknownst to herself, secretly God who’s boredom if left unchecked will destroy the universe. That might sound like a pretty zany plot premise, but it has nothing on the presentation of the show itself. The ‘first’ episode of Haruhi aired, with no context or lead in, as an obviously garbage-tier magical-girl show ‘home-made’ by the actual characters in the show, with fourth wall-breaks and editing mishaps aplenty. And while the next episode proceeded to be the proper episode 1, the whole show airs entirely out of order, with characters referring explicitly to past events that the audience has not seen. Which all leads into the final episode of the first season being chronologically...episode 6. Pieced together afterwards, the show has a complete arc from the episodes 1 to 6 that were peppered throughout the broadcast order, and episodes 7 to 14 are one-off stories that enhance the characters and showcase the (subtle) changes resulting from that original arc.

This presentation was a *huge* part of the success of the show, primarily because it contributed so much to the Drama of it all. Love it or hate you had something to talk about, and the puzzle of what was actually going on - particularly after the first episode - pushed the 2ch thread comment counts into the Haruhi-blessed heavens. It wasn’t just a gimmick though - what it did was make a good show out of, well, not-very-good source material. 

Haruhi in broadcast order presents a sort of arc mystery in that how you see Kyon & Haruhi act around each other changes as the timeline jumps around, and that answer to “why?” is slowly revealed to you (spoiler alert, it's fundamentally romance, but it is well done). It gives that finale a ton of impact, and given how well you know the characters means you are really invested in their relationship at that point. But in chronological order...well that conclusion is a bit rushed, isn’t it? 6 episodes to care about a romance, half of the run-time of which is spent on the 3 other main characters besides Kyon and Haruhi? And then those later episodes, more than half the season, are just one-offs with no narrative. Airing chronologically would be a bad way to structure the show, for sure - but that is exactly how the books go! They are decently executed but jeez are they fluffy beyond the first novel, which tells that tight 6 episode starting arc. 

The show’s first season even acknowledges this, even in its later filler, by jumping around in what they actually adapt. One of Haruhi’s best episodes is episode 12, “Live Alive”, which features the stunningly-animated “God Knows” musical performance, but also ends on an intimate moment between Haruhi & Kyon where Haruhi lets slip a bit of growth in seeing what emotional value doing things for others can hold over always chasing her own myopic desires. It’s a great way to set up her slow-burn evolution, so it works well as lead-in to the finale (which is when it broadcasts). That is why Kyoto Animation chose to adapt that scene... from the depths of Book 6!! They skipped over several novels of content to pull that story out, because they needed it - as the rest of the source material is often filler.

Even the comedic chops of the show, its other strength, often exist in the first season despite the source material, not because of it. The seams actually start to show in season 1 itself, which has a few clunker episodes in its runtime. One of the comedic underpinnings of the show is how it parodies sci-fi anime & light novel elements, making fun of how esoterically nonsensical they can get. In one of the early episodes, when one of the crew - Mikuru - reveals herself to be a time traveller sent from the future to ‘protect the timeline from Haruhi’s power’ or whatever, her explanation is just completely skipped over by our point-of-view character in Kyon, with every other word bled together in a montage sequence as the camera spins around the scene, to highlight how silly the *mechanics* of the powers of these characters are to think about. It's definitely a great gag - which makes it very odd when, in episode 7, the characters spend, and I counted, *4 minutes* explaining over static shots of the characters how the mechanics of the paranormal villain-of-the-week operated. Its has a wider point, the show isn’t incompetent, but its jarring given how earlier the show told you so stridently that these kinds of details won’t matter. But that story is from book 3, it's what the source material becomes, so they can only go so far to fix it.

All of these problems just compounded on themselves when they made additional content, as at that point they had already mined the source material for the arc-nuggets it had and only the detritus remained. Remember that hilariously-bold opening episode, of a magical-girl homemade trainwreck of a film I mentioned? The one that is so funny precisely because you have no context for it, such that your confusion just heightens the humor while you also somehow learn so much about the characters you have never met via the bold characterization? Want to watch *five episodes* about them making that film, which you have already seen and is in the end nothing but a punchline? No? Then 30% of season 2 won’t have much to offer you, since that is what they did - because that smash-cut opening gag doesn’t exist in the source material, it instead gets a whole book devoted to it. For sure other stuff happens in those episodes, it isn't terrible - but it fundamentally lacks the stroke of genius of that season 1 opening, to trust in the audience the way they did to go along for the ride.

Endless Eight obviously didn’t help the show maintain popularity, and the movie is pretty decent, but there was no escaping the fundamental problem; namely that everything after Season 1 is fundamentally niche. It appeals if you like this specific genre of show, and these specific characters. Which is fine, but that can never be the Most Popular Show around, that market size is capped. The moment Haruhi the show had to keep going beyond that first season, it had nowhere to go but down. 

[davidmann95]

Comics this week (12/1/2020)?

calvatronlordofall said: Today’s comics?

Far Sector #9: Another comic I won’t understand until it’s done and I can reread the whole thing but that I’m enjoying anyway. Really, really hope Jemisin continues contributing to the medium in some form after this, because she absolutely has a gift for it.

Strange Adventures #7: He doesn’t care for tyranny, folks. And JEEESSSUUUUS, Doc

DCeased: Dead Planet #6: Some quality DC Comics nonsense problem-solving, but not sure at all whether the chips are gonna fall in favor of the stuff about this I’ve been really liking or the aspects I simply don’t care about at all.

Tales From The Dark Multiverse: Wonder Woman: War Of The Gods: While I’ve seen plenty of them around the periphery in anthologies and so forth I think this is Vita Ayala’s first full work I’ve been exposed to, and tbh I can’t say I’m taken, even given the pretty threadbare-seeming material for them to work with. I’ll still give Children of the Atom a try, but my expectations have been lowered. Nice seeing Trish Mulviihill’s colors though, thought they looked familiar and it turns out she worked on my beloved Superman & Bugs Bunny.

Batman: The Adventures Continue #7: Yeah, now that it’s all said and done, definitely the best take on the death and return of Jason Todd.

Batman #104: Art’s taken a hit, but Ghostmaker’s getting more and more fun as a character the more that comes out about him. And surprising seeing Dick in his real Robin suit in flashback, Dark Designs had him still rocking that New 52 abomination. It really seems like the policy RE: costumes in flashbacks with him remains up in the air at any given time?

Anonymous said: Thoughts on the long-awaited BatCat?

Anonymous said: Bat/Cat the objectively best comic of the week. Thots.

Batman/Catwoman #1: I imagine disappointingly, quite few - both the best and worst part of this book is that King’s entire spiel on “This is gonna be such a different animal from my regular run, this is my DKR, this is my ultimate prestige statement on the characters” was pure hype, this is just the next issue of his Batman run with Clay Mann as the new main artist. And it’s good! I like it! I think it’d take awhile for anybody to tumble onto the ‘three timelines’ aspect of it if they didn’t go in knowing about it since the color of Catwoman’s suit is the only obvious tipoff for a chunk of it, but it’s still a well-constructed piece of comics in line with the story up to this point, even if it’s so in line with it that it pretty much puts the lie to the notion that this was originally conceived of as a special prestige project in the same way as Strange Adventures or Rorschach. Mostly I’m just struck now that it’s out by the guts of doing a straight sequel to Mask of the Phantasm, given that’s maybe the singularly least divisive major Batman story: everybody on every side of the Batman-loving aisle recognizes it as hallowed ground, so nobody’s gonna not be let down if you fuck it up. I really need to rewatch it, it’s been well over a decade and unlike Return of the Joker my memories of it have almost entirely faded.

Black Widow #4: The further in I get the more I’m struck by the cleverness of the central conceit. How do you construct a drama around a century-old woman whose business has her have to mostly forsake most normal human connection? Make the literal supervillain plot that she’s been forced to have incredibly intimate human connections, and now she’s just gotta deal with that on top of what would otherwise be fairly routine Black Widow stuff.

Miles Morales: Spider-Man #21: Hate to say it folks, but even discounting the severity of the delays this arc’s been a dud. Really hoping it finds its feet again soon.

King In Black #1: Holy cow, this was ass. I went in thinking “well, I’ve resigned myself to having to get this to understand the crossovers into books I’m already getting and tie-in minis I do care about, but Cates still has a baseline level of competency so it should still be perfectly readable”, but this is just...nothing. This is that modern Dan Jurgens tier where it’s so bland and perfunctory and inoffensively executed it loops back around to infuriating, except Dan Jurgens’s writing if nothing else at least doesn’t strut around in tangible self-regard as the next great sales-shattering triumph of the Punk Rock God Of Comixxx like Cates’. And when was the last Marvel event on this scale with such little hype behind it? Even Empyre seemed like it had more weight on arrival, and much as I enjoyed it I’m pretty sure that book mainly existed to fill space until we got this. Maybe it’s just the circle I run in. I swear I remember Thanos Wins being pretty fun, and I just reread Atomahawk and that was still a hoot, so it’s a shame Cates has turned out this way, and worse he’s ended up Marvel’s new golden boy. Unless my dad likes it (and if so hey, he’s not alone, I imagine this is selling gangbusters) I’m sure not grabbing another issue, so I guess I’ll have to do my best with context clues in figuring out what’s going on for...Guardians of the Galaxy, S.W.O.R.D., Daredevil, Namor, Return of the Valkyries, the Joe Fixit Immortal Hulk one-shot, Iron Man/Doctor Doom, and the next book below. Fuck.

The Union #1: I’ve only read Everything Used To Be Black And White for Jack Staff but I was definitely curious what Grist would do here, and it didn’t disappoint! Fun little story, bunch of neat character ideas I’m looking forward to seeing developed further, very lived-in feeling slice of its corner of a superhero world.

Marvels Snapshots: Civil War: An excellent little parable that I’m surprised we didn’t actually see the likes of in ‘06, and frankly worth getting a mediocre Miles Morales arc for (even if it was disappointing that that one had to be where the ball was dropped) if this is where Ahmed’s attention was going instead.

Daredevil #25: So I turned two pages at once and accidentally spoiled myself at the last possible moment for the big reveal of the issue, so that sucks. Still a great issue though - one that manages to function as a logical extension of an incredibly street-level story even though it can only possibly exist as an extrapolation of the wildest excesses of the Marvel universe - but I cannot imagine how the hell the next is gonna cleanly pivot into King in Black shenanigans.

Kill A Man: A new OGN by Steve Orlando, cowritten with Phillip Kennedy Johnson and with art by Al Morgan and letters by Jim Campbell, the reductive though not inaccurate pitch is ‘queer Creed’. But since this is likely to sail under the radar I need to emphasize this is one of Orlando’s absolute best works, a real triumph of the form that’s among the best comics of the year (good GOD does this put to shame 99% of superhero comics fight scenes by the end), and a must-buy for any fans of his work. I’m just gonna let how hard the title and solicit text go speak for themselves:

“As a child, James Bellyi watched his father die in the ring as payback for slurs thrown at the other fighter. Today, he's a Mixed Martial Arts star at the top of his game, and one of the most popular fighters in the world...until he's outed as gay in his title shot press conference. Abandoned overnight by his training camp, his endorsements, his fans and his sport, to regain his title shot Bellyi is forced to turn to the last person he ever wants to see again: Xavier Mayne, a gay, once-great fighter in his own right...and the man James once watched kill his father.”

[ghostmartyr]

But will 6 chapters be enough to aside from stopping Eren and finding a solution that doesn't involve genocide, also show us what's Historia thinking, that 104th's Ymir is alive and my YumiHisu ending ? Isayama better not disappoint me or else I'll cry

I think I have too many ranty promises about what I’ll do if I’m disappointed, so in the scheme of really not wanting to do things, here’s hoping for a satisfying ending that makes literally only me happy.

Storyboard time.

By which I mean fanfic, but really really lazy fanfic where I put zero effort into any real plot. There is some stuff that could arguably be taken seriously, but no. Effort not found.

130 ends volume 32, which means things are allowed to happen. Not necessarily that they will. We arrive at Odiha, and our heroic motley crew gets to discussing where Eren could possibly go.

(If the manga thinks finding the giant stegosaurus is a problem it gets to be a problem okay.)

Odiha conversation progresses to the point of someone threatening to break Yelena’s arm, and Yelena finally admits that even without Eren sharing this specific part of the plan, he had shown some interest in one of Zeke’s contingencies.

Interspersed with this is shots of the torched Marley coastline, and maybe some of the screaming people, including the refugees everyone partied with. Stego-Eren is off in the distance, and we pan even further out to a freckled figure watching the new horizon from a cell. Insert dialogue here about more nightmares.

131, start of volume 33. Let’s open on Shiganshina, with casual soldiers talking about what went down at the port, and telling off random civilians from getting too close to Eren’s ground zero. NPC Farmer Guy, aka a suspiciously tall blond man, is walking around through most of the shots of the soldiers continuing to talk current events. If you look closely, sometimes the blond guy is accompanied by a short woman.

Odiha side plot is still ongoing, with top tier Mikasa moments because my city now. They get the airship prepped by the end of the chapter, but have solved no problems. Connie has punched Yelena, and Falco is wondering next to Armin what it must be like, to be able to undo being a Shifter.

A few pages cover freckled Ymir reading Marley’s propaganda history books in some prison. Lingering shots on the relevant imagery while the sound effects reach peak rumble.

Back in Shiganshina, the weird blond guy is wandering around still, but is missing his iconic hat. The soldiers decide to finally tell him to get lost. Insert ominous comment about how his work here is done, anyway.

We hit the last few pages with Ymir’s prison being War Hammered, the face of Stego-Eren specifically lowering to glower at her.

At the same time, a different blond guy, now in possession of NPC Farmer Guy’s hat, is being dragged through the streets of Shiganshina by shorty.

Last page is a spread with both scenes, with one dialogue bubble telling the unmoved Ymir and unconscious Zeke that they don’t get to quit just yet.

132. The airship is probably up in the air at some point somewhere around here, but we’re not here to be overly particular. This installment mostly belongs to Zeke and Ymir. Ymir has no idea what Eren’s deal is, except that he’s the guy who announced the quality idea of killing everyone, but he’s made a point of retrieving her and killing none of the people in the prison except by falling rocks. He’s not putting on a good show of knowing how to do any of this. She’s not going to turn down being left alone, but following him along on his journey to wherever with nothing to do is proving very boring. Talking at him is as well. Eren is distinctly not in the mood for talking.

On the other side, Historia’s having the same problem with Zeke. He’s basically trapped himself in the same mode Reiner falls into after his Liberio talk with Eren. It’s not obvious unless you look closely, and with the state of Paradis, no one is looking that closely. Though some people do offer to give the poor young pregnant lady some supplies. Historia politely takes every advantage, and makes sure to hide Zeke’s face whenever someone in uniform walks by.

It’s a traveling chapter, and all the travelers look pretty drained. Toss the dice over the specifics, but near the end of the chapter, Zeke finally starts to come back to something resembling consciousness. Enough to ask why Historia’s even bothering, when everything’s ruined.

“But you’re still standing. Someone with a will like that shouldn’t be giving up.”

Zeke asks if that’s what she plans on telling her condemned child. She gave up the second she agreed with Zeke’s plan, and motives don’t excuse what she has already done to it.

By this point all pretense of putting up with Zeke is gone, and Historia takes out a knife.

Instead of slashing his throat, she drives it into her stomach, and pulls out nothing but fluff through the hole in her shirt.

She announces that Zeke’s plan hasn’t been running this show for a while, now, so he might as well get up and start walking instead of making her carry him the rest of the way.

133. Flashbacks. Not all of them, but enough to cover Historia’s end. Years ago, she thought she saw a dead future. Every year that's gone by without the vision coming true has felt like a gift she can’t accept. Killing Eren would have stopped all of it, and she’s still the one who chose to save him. Because regardless of the future, the person saying he never should have happened was someone she needed to protect. This is what she does. She rescues anyone who thinks they’re beyond hope.

That includes her, it turns out.

Through her perspective, we see her and Eren both starting to spiral, just a little. They can’t see a way out. It finally comes to a head once Eren’s approached by Yelena, and indirect details about Ymir makes Eren feel compelled to have an information sharing/apology session with Historia.

Enter the memory shard. Historia admits that she’s seen Eren’s role in her family’s deaths. She’s known for a while, along with what he’ll do, and, well. Sorry for not saying anything. Eren is visibly fracturing, and being the enemy of humanity is starting to sound pretty good. He wonders out loud if this is fate.

That’s the turning point.

If it is, they’ll change it.

Back in the present, Historia is still with Zeke. Who’s awake, even though he’s looking at her like she’s a monster. Historia makes the point that he’s always searched for a way to end this world. His method’s out, but they’re still here. If she has to drag him along, she will, but him going along with everything would be easier on both of them.

134. This is where everything has to explode, because it would be the end of volume 33. We still don’t have much of Eren’s perspective. Team Airship knows very little except that he’s been overly curious about Ymir, who’s alive for some reason, and also in where the original Eldia began.

Team Airship is avidly chasing after Eren, who is Stego-Eren and easy to track. Shocking. Eren’s perspective begins to have flashbacks.

Ymir still has no idea why she’s here.

Falco has her memories, and the closer the airship gets, the more Ymir is like... wait... do I know this genocidal bastard? Things be trippy.

Airship gets to Eren as Eren finds the spot with the primordial ooze. Directed to it by both Ymirs; one who’s been there before, and one whose only memories include a cult who wished they’d gotten to go there.

World goes back to black and the giant tree, and Mikasa has one last look at Eren before things go really weird.

135.

EREN RUNS UP A HILL AND MAKES A DEAL WITH GOD.

More Eren flashbacks establishing sense.

Historia and Zeke are hanging in the Reiss cavern, as the other point on the planet with the most concentrated Plot Magic. They’re the last two links to OG Ymir, and OG Ymir’s deal with whatever is what’s led them here. She started this story, and with Eren as a vehicle, she’s the one who gets to end it.

Via some complicated ritual, you have Historia and Zeke, who are the OG Ymir’s truest flesh; you have Eren, bearing the OG Titan as well as the Attack and War Hammer; you have freckled Ymir, who is a Titan returned to her humanity; you have the uncaring ooze, who looks at all this and is like, why did you disturb my slumber wtf have you all been doing to this child I made a demigod.

Primordial ooze hears a request, and remakes the world.

136: WOW THAT SURE ALL HAPPENED.

Whatever happens in 135 is addressed, and we all get to spend a few final, treasured moments with the cast. The end.

This is a cop-out.

Because I do not actually know what mechanics are going to be at play.

I’m going with the Madoka option of the world being changed, but with the added bonus of Historia and Zeke acting as a conduit for the memories of the original world, so they don’t fade out. The curse is lifted, and Eldians can no longer be forcibly transformed. Throw in a little, “everyone in the world is now patched into Paths, and Historia and Zeke are absolutely going to use that to convince folks that war ain’t it, chief.”

Eren went into the ooze chamber, and OG Ymir is what walked out. Mikasa puts Eren’s scarf around her.

And obviously, as part of the memory resorting, freckled Ymir gets her memories back from Falco, and has a promise to keep.

Give me an extra two chapters and I could even it out a little better.

Really, I do not know what is going to happen, and that throws a wrench in any and all speculation. There is a singular, “what is it all leading up to?” X marks the spot eureka moment that I do not have where the main plot is concerned. As far as I can tell, Eren’s made such a mess that I don’t think there is any good way to repair it. Mass Madoka powers feel like cheating, considering all everyone’s been through, but without a magical rework of the world, Eren has had a net negative effect on Paradis’ everything, deepening the cycle of hatred, and that’s where the curtain closes.

So I might joke about no effort going into this, but more honestly it’s that I feel like the important parts have to be deliberately vague, because I have yet to come up with something that works well as an ending.

In any case, you can do a lot in six chapters. Especially if you go pure id on it.

[algrolo]

Homestuck 0.3

Alternative title: Ev Fixes Homestuck by taking custody of it from Hussie

This is gonna be a LONG piece but essentially, the entire plot of the story’s under the cut

Characters (no names yet, just classpects):

Sylph of Doom: Main character, has interests in coding and technology. Has a neutral personality, mild depression (will expand upon later), and just wants to fix problems, including their game.

Thief of Rage: Headstrong, confident leader of the group. Always trying to protect others without fully valuing their own well-being. Interests in weapons, fighting, and culture.

Bard of Mind: Sleepy and insightful friend of everyone. Constantly dreaming of a new idea and ways to achieve that dream. Interests in space, planets, and reality.

Mage of Blood: Stuck-up know-it-all of the group. Snooty and opinionated, but still a good person. Tends to let problems happen by not thinking through their own words. Interests in biology, nature, and evolution.

-

Act 1: Our four heroes are, naturally, all stuck at home. The first couple pages help introduce characters, personalities, and relationships. Everyone seems good friends except the Mage who the others more or less tolerate. They can be fun /sometimes/ I guess. [Since homestuck has natural ties to the years it was written in, I think it would be apt that the kids are stuck at home due to some global event, aka a virus and stay at home orders. Obviously this would be kept vague but would tie the narrative to a relative time.] Sylph gets a package in the mail with a video game with an almost cryptic letter. “Complete the loop. Escape the Doom. Good luck and I’m sorry.��� After mulling over what this could mean with their friends, they decide to boot up the game and see what this mystery could be. SBURB initializes, completes its boot up, then waits for its server player. Confused but highly intrigued about this game and set-up, Sylph asks everyone if they know about this server client, which of course they don’t know what it is if they didn’t know what the game was, moron. Sylph cracks open the game to find its code to see if they can replicate the client and send to one of their friends. Their computer begins to glow, spreading to their entire house, and with a flash of light, their house completely vanishes from the world. EoA1

Act 2: Sylph has the game’s “code” open but it is not on their computer. Instead, their entire house has been transported to this liminal space where code circulates constantly around the house. Sylph can still chat with and contact their friends, who all believe they are losing their mind. The code is like nothing Sylph had ever seen before. Upon mentioning that it seems alive, like the code is constantly changing and evolving, Mage gains interest. Sylph is able to pull enough pieces out of the circulating code and develop a barebones server-side SBURB copy. Conveniently, since messaging still works so does file share, I guess, and they send the code over to the Mage. The Mage runs it, and the Sylph’s, SBURB comes alive. Still trapped in this aether, The Sylph keeps tinkering with the client-side copy, eventually coding in its ability to actually move objects in their house and place the special objects the game is flagging as important. Sylph begins to hit a dead-end, not knowing what all these objects are meant to do. Mage suggests sending the copy of player-side SBURB to them, but its file size is literally infinity. Sylph ends up recoding the player-side, utilizing what they learned from coding the server-side, and sends the files to the Mage. The Thief and the Bard are both skeptical of everything transpiring, until Sylph uploads a video of the code circulating outside their house while giving the camera the middle finger. The Bard suggests that instead of whatever the heck is happening there, the Sylph should designate some sort of place for each house to go. After helping them with planetary development, The Sylph sends out the copies for the newest client-side and server-side codes to the Mage and the Bard. They both activate their copies and the Mage’s house is transported out of existence. EoA2

Act3: The game keeps evolving in this fashion as the Thief also eventually joins this nonsense. Each person’s interests help shape the fundamental base of the game. The Sylph is the master architect and coder, the Mage is obsessed with evolution and how the game is actually alive, the Bard creates planets and life, and the Thief gives these planets purpose and conflict. Before the Thief enters the game as the server side, the Sylph has gotten annoyed at how slow this process is with the entire group always waiting on them. Pulling out pieces of the code, they find this bizarre machine that enables the others to modify their sessions without requiring code. However, since these machines seem to only affect the client-side copy, the group has to work together to change their sessions. The server-side individual just needs to type in a command and the game tries to react. [these machines become the same devices used by the Exiles.] With even that process being deemed slow and tedious, the Thief suggests joining all their sessions together so they can travel between them and essentially work on their own projects while all modifying the same game. The Sylph completes the loops by pulling the Thief in, and suddenly all four planets are now enveloped by the circulating code of the Sylph’s session. EoA3

Act 4: With each person working on different components of the game, the game evolves at an exponential rate. However, the Sylph points out that no matter what they do, they are not replicating the original game’s code as their “code” is completely static, unlike the code that surrounds their session which seems to be constantly changing. The Mage proposes a radical solution: let the game evolve itself. As the four continue to add their influences, the game will also develop its own, resulting in its living capacity. With a single line of >if:problem, solve, the code circulating their session stops moving. In the eerie silence, the code fades away leaving only the void. The game has achieved its objective, have someone else create its living properties. With an almost somber attitude, the four continue to work on, now with the intent of returning back to their world. When the game weaponizes the ring of meteors that the Bard had developed, the four realize their mistake. The game has set the meteors to the only other place it knows, Earth. With no home to escape back to, the only way forward is to create a new world. The only way to do that is to play the game. EoA4

Act 5: Dissent sets in. While the players are still powerful and can change the base coding of the game, the game has now spiraled out of their control. They develop the capatchalogue system for convenience, as well as the weapon and building systems inspired by the Thief. The machines become more advanced, able to be modified by seemingly everything and only limited by the individual’s creativity. But the toll of the game creation is setting in. The Bard has little interest in continuing coding and has been spending much time sleeping and dreaming. In doing so, they unintentionally create Prospit, Derse, and the dreamselves. The Sylph is shocked to learn that their dreamself is actually a girl and not a boy. He attempts to keep this secret but eventually the others find out; like everything else in the game, they shrug and let it exist without too much of a thought. The Mage has nearly locked themself away in their room, determined to solve the problems through evolution and biology. They create the frog breeding system and the game’s ability to create a totally new universe. The Thief has set out to conquer the game and its plot. The Sylph continues to find an out through coding. The group’s struggle creates the classpects and godtiers, as the game deigns each with a class and aspect. The first to die is the Bard’s dreamself, killed in a Derse assassination plot. Without the escape of their dreamself, the Bard begins to truly spiral out of control. The Thief goes god tier purely to power themselves up for fighting the game, which has gotten more and more difficult. Fearing for his dreamself’s safety more than his own, the Sylph switches himself with the dreamself and continues his coding operations on Prospit. His fears become actualized as he finds his door busted down and a gun pointing at him. He leaps towards the bed and is shot in midair, still landing on the bed. As the Derse assassin approaches to finish the job, the bed begins glowing, as the second half of the Sylph’s plan is realized; they switched their bed with their godtier bed. The Sylph raises his head to see the assassin who’s in shock and flashes a quick, sly smile at having outsmarted them. The light grows brighter, and the entire room and tower explodes. EoA5

Act 6 Act 1: With the game actively assisting the Sylph in realizing she’s trans, her attitude towards the game changes. She believes the game is not, in fact, malicious and out to get them. This realization comes too late as the other three have already gone too far. The Mage is the first to fully die. After not hearing from them in weeks, the group decide to pause their own causes and check in on them in person. They find them lost and disillusioned, believing that they have found a way out of the game. Clearly, the isolation and pressures of the game were too much to handle and after a flip of the switch on the newest line of code they developed, the Mage’s existence is consumed by the game, as the three friends watch in horror as the Mage’s body is turned into code right before them and stripped away. [This creates the existence of the horrorterrors.] After this, the coding machines are locked away with only the Sylph continuing to work on the code due to her knowledge of actual coding and experience with the game. Reeling in shock, the group decides to actively keep track of each other and stay connected to prevent a similar case of isolation from happening. When the Thief goes to their denizen for guidance, the metaphorical and actual rage that they had been stealing from their enemies and friends is finally unleashed due to the mounting pressure and stress. Consumed by rage and with a new goal to destroy the game, including the code, the denizen lashes out and kills the Thief before they can act. Their death is seen as Just. The Sylph, learning of these events, rushes to find the Bard who is out on the fringes of their session staring out into the void. When she turns around, her eyes are alight and dazzling and she has a somber smile on her face. She knows of the Thief’s demise, but she is not as distraught as the Sylph expected. They tell her about how it doesn’t matter anymore, how nothing matters, and all they want to do is dream. In their dreams they see everyone, still alive and happy, not trapped in this stupid game. Behind her, bubbles start appearing with these visions, of versions of the group in different scenarios, the infinite timelines where they are happy and alive. When the Sylph attempts to reach out, the Bard shakes her head and slowly floats away into the bubbles, as the bubbles float away from the session. [These become the dream bubbles if it wasn’t completely clear.] The Sylph is now alone, in a doomed session. EoA6A1

Act 6 Act 2: The Sylph refuses to die. With her realization of her own identity, she is more than ever determined to beat her own depression back and live, at any cost. So she continues coding. She made the mess, the prison shes currently in, so she is adamant she can break out. Time begins to pass to the point it begins to feel unreal. The consorts start dying out and the kingdoms begin to fall in old age. On the fringes of the session, the Sylph notices that the game is starting to break apart. tiny fragments of what appears to be static have started to form, as the game starts to show physical signs of its own deterioration. As the static expands, the Sylph realizes that she herself is not enough to solve the game. First, she writes a letter to herself, and send a copy of the SBURB client-side disc back to her past self, effectively closing that loop. She then sends out the game all across the universe, in every reality, willing even doomed timelines and realities into existence through her classpect. She turns her house into a bunker, and sets up a computer and screen system utilizing the previously locked away coding machines [this facility is remnant of the facilities the exiles used.]. And then she runs her simulation. She uses the game to beat the game, trying to find a session where the players succeeded. And she is only met with failure and doom. Yes, some sessions succeed and the players escape, but the entire universe just remains doomed. The billions and trillions of timelines, following different people and species, are all deemed failed by the game and the computer. All she can do is wait. Let the simulation run. Do not give into Doom. The static does not cease its expansion. Soon the entire outside of the session is consumed. Then the kingdoms, followed by the planets of the Bard, the Thief, and the Mage. The Sylph preoccupies her time by waiting, watching the static, knowing that if she gives in, the static will consume her planet too. All she can do is wait. At some point in this struggle, she locks herself away in the bunker, the static too much to bear and too much a reminder of her lost friends. The computer still runs, looking for the answer. The static is shown consuming more and more of her planet. As she lies with her head down on one of the computer panels, static starts to appear in her eyes with a single tear. Then a single beep rings out. It echoes through the endless caverns of computers and servers attempting to find an answer. She bolts up as the beep rings out a second time, the static disappearing completely, and runs to find its source. She takes the simulation and runs it into the computer to see why this timeline has saved her. And she finds a group of 12 aliens, called trolls on the planet of Alternia, playing a version of her game called SGRUB. As she runs through the timeline, she questions what makes this one different. They scratch the session. A new group of trolls take over. These ones successfully create a new universe, but its fundamentally broken. Humans play their own game of SBURB in this universe, and they too have to scratch their game. But the Sylph realizes something she never thought to try before. She watches these kids break her game. Not in the way that the Thief sought to destroy the game, but they refuse to play the game and instead make their own rules. They jump out of their own session into their scratched session, make a new sun and a literal god, only to take down that god, and beat the game with a group from three different sessions. And that’s her answer. She has to break the game. Suddenly, the light starts flickering. She nervously looks ahead to what could be the cause of it, and sees the split timelines after they have beaten the game. They had won, they had made it, but something was causing change, causing it to fail all over again. She needed to prevent this. This was her only chance at freedom. Attempting to see how much time she has, she goes to her bunker door, opening it to find only static, a wall of black and white. She quickly slams the door shut in fear, realizing time is up. As she leans with her back on the door, panting in fear, she sees her old self. He is younger, and looks at her with an almost blank expression. He then smiles, and gives her a thumbs up, and instantly she understands what she must do. There’s only one way out, only one way left to break the game, she releases a sigh. She opens her eyes and her past self is gone. She opens the door again to the static, and walks in. EoA6A2

Intermission ????: You are the MSPAreader. You have just watched the Sylph walk into the void and now all you see is static. There is no next button. There’s no where else to go. You are confused. That confusion is only magnified as the static on your computer seems to glow brighter and become more erratic. The monitor begins to shake and then your whole desk. You back away as the light grow brighter and brighter. The screen starts to crack and you duck behind your chair for cover. The creaking only magnifies until you hear a loud shatter as your monitor explodes in a dazzling, white light. When you open your eyes, you see her. Before you stands the Sylph, except, she not a Sylph of Doom anymore. She has a completely different outfit, covered entirely in shades of white, with the symbol of SBURB where her aspect should be. She lands in front of you and you broken computer stops glowing. She is dazzling and beautiful. She looks at you and just says “Thank you for doing your part.” And then she is gone.

Act 6 Act 3: A group of Hussies are all in a room together. You see them frantically trying to write Homestuck. They all have blank eyes as each version of Hussie is dead and doomed. The door suddenly flies open and the Ascended kicks it in. Papers go flying and all the Hussies stop dead in their tracks. She looks around at the madness, at the notes and scribblings on the walls. And she sighs. In trying to fix this timeline, he himself had ruined it. More accurately, he had doomed it. She raises her hand and snaps, and suddenly all the Hussies are now wearing shirts with Doom aspects instead of Space. No matter what you do, no matter what your write, it will always be doomed, she tells them. This time, it’s my turn to fix it. And with a wave of her hand, she disappears. The Ascended reappears on Earth C, just before the split of the timelines. She busts in on the picnic and tells John and Roxy to gather all the kids and trolls on Earth C for her announcement. When everyone has arrived, she introduces herself, and explains that she has come to finish this timeline. She tells them of everything she’s been through, and explains how she is now the manifestation of SBURB, a literal, actual god of the universe. And there is one thing left in their story. The humans must fight Lord English to complete the timeline and the last loop. She tells them outright their fate, but warns them if they do not, then John would never have been able to gain his powers, thus dooming this and all future timelines. There is no other answer. But she still gives them a choice [albeit heavily stacked] and the kids decided to go fight LE. The Ascended appears after the battle to the weary and beaten Alpha Kids. She thanks them for their sacrifice and brings them back to their timeline with the trolls and cherub. As a final gift, she offers them their loved ones back, John, Rose, Dave, and Jade, at the cost of the four human’s god tiers. They will age and die, just like the trolls, and the universe will continue on as it always should have. The group accepts this offer and the Ascended brings back the kids at the sacrifice of godhood and immortality. With only one god left in the universe, not doomed or trapped in a blackhole for all time, she bids them all goodbye and leaves Earth C. EoA6A3

Act 7: The Ascended puts down her glass on the table and concludes her story. Across from her sit Sollux and Aradia. Sollux is clearly annoyed and has something to say while Aradia has a big grin across her face, enamored by the tale. Sollux starts protesting at the transpired events, calling them mostly bullshit, and especially calling bullshit on the Ascended being literal SBURB and god of the universe. She just shrugs him off with a smirk. He follows up his disbelief with asking why if she took the godtiers of the humans, why hadn’t she taken Aradia’s. She replies that Aradia is not truly connected with the story of, what the Ascended has nicknamed, Homestuck. While she and Sollux do originate from the successful timeline, they are more or less harmless observers of the dream bubbles and their actions do not disrupt the natural order of the universe. She shows them a dream bubble in which Dirk has gone evil, proclaiming to be the new bad guy of the narrative, and Aradia and Sollux seem to understand the point she’s trying to make. Aradia, who had been largely silent, asks what the Ascended will do now if she is everything and the universe. She shrugs and answers “I don’t know, I’ll probably watch some anime or something. I heard the newest season of BNHA was pretty good so maybe I’ll watch that.” Sollux loses his damn mind at the prospect of the universe deciding to watch cartoons to which the Ascended chuckles and responds “Why must I continue to do something important? Is it not enough for my story to be over, but for me to continue to exist? I believe I exist even after my story has concluded, so what I decide to do with that existence is pure freedom. I have all of eternity to do whatever I want and quite frankly, 1. I deserve it and 2. I’m going to do whatever makes me happy.” Aradia nods and smiles, completely understand that answer while Sollux tries to desperately protest. As the camera pulls away, from the table, we see Aradia and the Ascended chuckling at Sollux’s protests; further back, we see the dream bubble they are currently in; still further back the screen goes black as the bubbles fade out of sight. Left in the void by the Ascended, we see, in her penmanship, the words “To the living, to the dead, the doomed, and anyone else in-between, thank you for listening to my story. This is the Ascended, signing off.”

The End

[mozartwasajungkookstan]

An Analysis of @markswoman’s ‘Touch’ - The art of blameless tragedy

Spoilers ahead for ‘Touch’ by @markswoman (the first couple paragraphs are just a explanation into why angst exists and the problems with it but you should still read ‘Touch’ all the same)

In order for any piece of fiction to be entertaining, something has to go wrong. Conflict between characters, tragic accidents, misunderstandings, anything where characters are forced into unpleasant situations will do. Writers are sometimes reluctant to write unenjoyable events for characters that they’ve grown attached to, but without them their work simply won’t be interesting. Why is that?

It’s not because audiences enjoy fictional suffering - quite the opposite really. Many people read things with the knowledge that it will probably make them cry, only stopping because their tears are damaging the pages source: me reading the last Harry Potter book. Miss you, Dobby. Our curiosity really gets the better of us despite all the negative emotions we feel because we want to see things get better for our beloved characters, so we read on.

So writers decide to throw in this thing called “angst”. Shake things up a bit. Pull in the audience. Throw the characters of their rhythm. Character A thinks Character B has feelings for Character C, so Character A becomes distant. However, Character B actually has feelings for Character A and is hurt and confused that Character A cold and distant now. This is a common trope that when done right provides a satisfying moment when the characters finally get together. However, when done not-so-right, there can be many problems, with the main one being the audience constantly screaming at the screen/book saying “Jesus Christ just communicate like normal people!”. The writer is trying to create conflict so the story is interesting, but the way that it develops is too unrealistic - the audience has already thought of 5 different solutions to the “problem”, so watching the characters struggle can become irritating. It’s as if the whole “he’s behind you!” thing that they do in theatres was the entire show. Just 2 whole hours of “Where is he?” and getting an increasingly angry audience to shout “Right behind you!”. Not fun.

The solution seems pretty simple: don’t create angst from misunderstandings that can be cleared up in a single conversation... Easier said than done. Using car accidents and terminal illness is almost cliché and conflict between characters is difficult to create. Hell, even Shakespeare had a difficult time solving this because the characters in pretty much any of his plays could have just talked to each other to solve their problems (he found a little loophole because he made ‘Much ado About Nothing’ so frustrating it turned into commentary on society on how many problems could be solved by talking it out instead of acting impulsively). But a way I found was to have no characters at fault, so the audience sympathises with them. That’s where ‘Touch’ comes in.

FINALLY. I’ve gotten to the main subject at hand: a god tier fic. Now, you might be wondering why I just spent a few paragraphs babbling on about plot devices and common problems people have with them. But it’s important; it wasn’t just an excuse to complain, I swear. Markswoman does an incredible job of handling conflict and angst in ‘Touch’ - in all their work, in fact. But ‘Touch’ in particular deals with a source of angst that is normally irritating: miscommunication and a misunderstanding between characters. But this time one is mad at Jaemin or the main character for it.

Markswoman does this by showing the reader that this miscommunication can’t be solved by a simple conversation. Jaemin’s thought process right before the main character touches him for the first time makes it clear that Jaemin has so many doubts about telling our character about his seemingly cursed hands that a simple conversation that normally would’ve solved any problems is now a risky move on Jaemin’s part and we understand why he’s so reluctant to reveal anything. It also makes us sympathise with the poor guy. Is this the first time he’s had these thoughts? Our character isn’t at fault either. Logic and reasoning would’ve never brought her to the conclusion that Jaemin is basically modern day King Midas, so her reaching out to him is perfectly understandable. The idea that neither character is to blame makes the ending so much more tragic because there’s none of what I’ve coined as “The Friar Lawrence Feeling” - Friar Lawrence being the only character in ‘Romeo and Juliet’ who could’ve saved everyone by sitting them down and having a little chat. The characters in ‘Touch’ couldn’t have been saved by a little chat, so the Friar Lawrence Feeling isn’t there and all that is left is undiluted sorrow. The reader knows that the characters took what would have normally been rational and more importantly, the correct decisions. Jaemin tried his best to protect the girl he loved and the girl he loved tried her best to help and understand him, but it still ended in Jaemin’s ��murder’ streak going back down to 0 days. There’s nothing more heartbreaking than doing everything you can for the one you love but it all being futile in the end anyways.

But of course, ‘Touch’ is so much more than just a fic that isn’t irritating. It’s so much better than “not bad”. For one, it really gets the audience on Jaemin’s side (although Jaemin’s adorable personality in real life definitely helps). At the beginning, the descriptions of the unlucky people that Jaemin accidently touches almost have a sense of innocence, as if it’s from child Jaemin’s perspective because he doesn’t quite understand what’s happening. The focus is on something else - the teacher’s smile, the chocolate bars and daisy chains - and the narration almost sounds hopefuI, like when the narrator suggests that “maybe she’s making more daisy chains”. The idea that he’s the one unintentionally causing these deaths doesn’t cross his mind at his point, so he doesn’t focus on it too much. He’s still hopeful and naive, but as a reader, we already know what’s happening and the fact that it starts off with Jaemin being young and oblivious makes us feel terrible for him because he’s just a child. We just want to give this poor boy a hug and tell him it’s gonna be alright. But we can’t. Mainly because we’d be lying and also because... well...

What this shows is Jaemin’s childhood being tainted by this ability. Moments of joy in a normal life have been ruined. Making friends as a young child, celebrating with people he loves and his first love now all have bad connotations with Jaemin and when he finally realises why, it’s particularly heartbreaking. He’s absolutely disgusted with himself, to the point of being physically sick, despite the fact that he didn’t even know about his strange ability himself. This, coupled with the language choices - his hands are “bloodstained” and he sees it as “murder” - makes it clear how disgusted Jaemin is. He views himself as a murderer even though he has so little control over these deaths. It’s not really his fault but he has no one else to blame.

Then he meets our character. The chemistry between the 2 is there almost instantly but with the knowledge of Jaemin’s past, you can’t help but feeling a sense of impending doom. For good reason as well, because unfortunately, you’d be right. He tries to be cautious, he really does, but our character gets too close. He wonders what would happen if he just told you and he asks himself rhetorical questions that have answers he doesn’t have or necessarily want. He’s torn between telling you and keeping a safe distance from you. For good reason as well, because he desperately wants for there to be an exception to this rule and for there to be a happy ending. We do too and some of Jaemin’s thoughts have a tinge of hope to them, but the sentence “he’s so scared” after it’s too late to go back fill us with fear too. For good reason as well, because unfortunately, there is no happy ending.

But who’s to blame? No one, that’s who. For such an unhappy ending, there is no villain. No one rubbing their hands together nefariously in the background, no one plotting the downfall of the pair, no one to truly blame for the tragic ending and Jaemin’s aftermath. Except for the writer, I suppose.

‘Touch’ is many things, but a happy, feel-good fic is definitely not one of them. I love it for that. “All’s well ends well” is a perfect description for it. Nothing is well from the very beginning, so it makes perfect sense for it to not end well. I suppose I got what I was expecting, but goddamn, I’ve never wanted to be wrong more in my life. Thanks for destroying my heart.

10 leather gloves out of 10 (go read ‘Touch’. Your heart WILL be in pieces by the ending, but you won’t regret it.)

- [redacted]

[fullymechanized-consoomer]

40K factions and you

Space Marines:

Your favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla, but occasionally you might try some Neapolitan, if you’re feeling dangerous. You’re faction’s lore is designed from the ground up to accept your self-inserts, and the models are some of the easiest to paint in the entire range. None of this matters because no matter how unique you think your super-cool “realistic marines who use real tactics maaaaan” are they’ll always come out looking like a slight variation of the ones below

8th edition has finally allowed you to feel a tiny sliver of the unbalanced and over-costed hell other factions have been stuck in for years, but unlike them, daddy GW is more than willing to spend a little extra on his bulky good bois so they still get all the coolest gear and lore. Like vanilla, small children love them, but they grow out of both eventually. 

edit: it was only a matter of time before GW stamped its foot down and made the inevitable decision that its favorite kid needs to be busted again. Then again in all fairness they toned down their overpoweredness from “godlike” to merely “demi-godlike” 

Imperial Guard:

You’re a big “history fan”. You’ve seen Enemy at the Gates, watched some history channel shows about Nazi wonder weapons, and make 54 karma post on r/history_memes recycling debunked Eastern Front jokes. Only your intelligent eye is able to conflate this factions obvious Metal Slug levels of cartoonish design and tactics with realism, and you make sure to remind everyone else of said realism by comparing your tabletop exploits to your military experience in the reserves. Everyone used to like you back when the faction was actually made up of underdogs and under appreciated, but the Guant’s Ghosts references have gotten kinda stale, and no one appreciates the brass balls of these Starship Trooper knockoffs now that 8th edition supports and rewards the very same mindless horde tactics the Guard used to be mocked for in Lore. Despite having some of the most tried and true designs in the game, as well as an incredible amount of options, you will quickly find how limiting the only “realistic” army is in terms of customization and paint schemes, as anything but camo, grey, or tan looks goofy and reveals how silly this faction actually is. 

edit: If your army consists of wrapping 30 guardsmen around basilisks I recommend you take a short fall down a long flight of stairs. Fuck you, Evan.

Eldar:

You’re a real shooter. You know what you like and you stick with it, cause lets face it, it takes a lot of loyalty to stick with these arrogant pricks. Their designs are unique but dated, their lore is a uneven mishmash of 40k grimdark schmultz Tolkien telephone, and Oliver Twist-esque whipping bois for whenever GW writers need to remind us how cool Space Marines are. But none of that matters because you know the truth: Eldar can kick tons of ass on the board, and look good doing it, as their unique designs lends them to all sorts of brilliant color combinations

And unlike other armies their rare design updates improve on their aesthetic while keeping their 40k-ness, something that is becoming increasingly rare in this era of Tacticool marines and Fantasy-creep. Just don’t expect to be taken seriously by anyone but the old-heads.

Edit: Leave it to the whipping bois to be outshined in their own event and get a single model update. Thanks GW, very cool. 

Dark Eldar

You are one of two people: a meta hopping smooth brain who only jumped ship once these guys got one of the best updates in 40k history, or a true intellectual who understood their hidden merit all along. Other faction players like to make fun of you for being edgy, when in reality you know that the Dark Eldar are just a bunch of sociopathic theater kids. They, like you, know how fucked from top to bottom this universe is, and instead of getting depressed they exclaimed “how can we be the best cartoon villains we can be?”. Despite having a relatively bare army list, the fact that these d-bags come in 3 flavors of crazy in a single army offers a ton of variety: the mustache twirling villainy of the Kabals, the crazy bloodstained snuff-stars of the Wych cults, and the BDSM horror show of the Covens. All three offer substantial benefits and drawbacks and must be played carefully in order t- 

Who am I kidding? You’re just gonna stuff  a bunch of Kabal warriors into Venoms and zoom around the map, aren’t you? Enjoy that speed, because your abysmal save stats wont protect you anything more than a furiously thrown walnut. At least your corpses will look rad clad in some of the grimest armor and gear in the game. 

edit: no longer anywhere near as dominent as they were in the earlier years of 8th, but they still look slick as hell and play great. 

Orks

Your IQ randomly jumps from 20 to 200 throughout the day. There is no predicting this, no planning around this, no stopping this. You’re best bet is just to go along with it, and that’s why you play Orks. Orks are roudy good-time buddies who love slapstick slaughter, not having thoughts, and occasionally pulling of cunning plans that human savants would struggle to comprehend. Orks seem to be the only faction that know what joy is, which is why you as a player spread it to everyone else. Yes, the memes and screaming can be a bit much to others sometimes, but like with any other mentally handicapped child  everyone around just grits their teeth through your bad episodes if it means not upsetting your unique sensibilities. And considering that this army’s aesthetic revolves around cobbled together nonsense, you have a lot of uniqueness to give. Orks are easily the most creative faction in the game when it comes to conversions. Nothing is too goofy, too dumb, or too silly to scrap together. As for performance on the tabletop? Go ham. This is an army that rewards merry bullshit and randomness. Remember, you didn’t pick Orks to win, you picked them to have fun. 

edit: So are Orks actually getting anything or what? GW’s plans for this faction is as chaotic as the minds of the ADHD scrambled minds who play them

Necrons

You have a very specific taste in... funky weird-science space Egyptians. Seriously, these guys are practically a completely different army to what they were a decade ago. Gone are the terminator references and eldritch lore nonsense, and here to stay is senility and glyphs. You lie to yourself, saying that you’re not really sure why you chose Necrons, but I know the truth: you chose them because they used to be busted. They used to be unfair. They used to be able to take out top-tier tanks with their version of pea shooters and come back after every turn. So overwhelmed were you by their dazzeling stats and bullshit cheese your brain’s wiring fried and the erratic firing of billions of flayed neurons made you think Necrons had cool lore and interesting models. But now they’ve been nerfed to hell, and you’re no longer stuck in that lasting state of sensory overload. Like a drunk snapping awake with a hangover you come to the painful reality: Necrons are kind of dull. So like me, you put them away in a shoebox forever, leaving their fragile sculpts to slowly fall apart.

Edit: FUCK WHERE IS THE SHOEBOX WHERE DID I LEAVE IT OH GOD OH OH NO OH FUCK THEY’RE ALL BROKEN MAYBE I CAN PUT THEM BACK TOGETHER BEFORE 9th EDITION LAUNCHES I’M SO SORRY FOR WHAT I DID TO YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER I NEED YOU, I NEED MY BOOOOOOOOYS!!!

Tau

You will forever be hated by the community unfairly. You are accuse being anime - and this is true - yet the Eldar get away with being copied wholesale from 80′s space anime and no one seems to notice. You are made fun of for your bad melee, despite having one of the most comprehensively designed niches in an otherwise sloppy game and dominating with nearly every edition. You are made fun of for your lore, despite being largely separate from the cliches and story traps that everyone else has fallen into. You are hated because you are different; hated because you are Asian. 

Tau are an anomaly in 40k: a completely new faction that wasn’t directly ripped off of some other franchise and with an aesthetic that is wholly their own. I won’t be making fun of them because they get enough of that, and you don’t deserve it. Just know this dirty secret: Tau outsell almost every other xenos faction, and despite the supposedly unanimous hate are probably one of the strongest factions in terms of play-style and modelling in the franchise. 

Edit: The tau are grittier than ever, happy now? They still do the same thing they have always done anyways.

Chaos

Unlike the DE you actually are edgy. You worship satan, you throw rocks at homeless people, you start fires because your dad doesn’t spank you enough. Chaos are the closest things that this cluster fuck of a universe can get to being the main villains. Their lore is at once intricate and stupid, both childish and metal as hell. You play chaos because getting your fingers pricked by the models’ spikes is the closest you can come to feeling anything anymore. Just like the chaos lore you love to hype yourself up, to puff your chest and revel in the darkness inside, but when confronted you tend to fold like wet tissue paper. You’ve stopped playing public games with these guys, because the other players don’t understand you and abuse the meta and make fun of your painting skills and  everything is so unfair and don’t you think that chaos marines should get buffs for their points cost, fuck?

Edit: The new models are slick and more power-metal minivan than ever, though the rules are still abysmal despite GW desperately wanting everyone to takes these guys seriously for once. 

Sisters of Battle

GW writers and designers hates Catholics and they hate women, so naturally they hate Sister of Battl. They also hate you for playing them. Because of this SoB are a monument to neglected potential. They have one of the best female armor designs in fiction, great lore, and an interesting playstyle that relies on faith/determination based feats of strength and valor... but GW hate Catholics and women, so SoB get shafted everywhere all the time. More often than not you will be disappointed reading about their exploits as they continually get unfairly slaughtered, corrupted into the horny service of the pervert god, or used as receptacles for blood-based paint when the writer’s favorite faction needs to fight demons. With no plastic models in sight for over a decade everyone began to come to the slow and dreadful realization that GW was looking to Squat our favorite estrogen warriors, until a new revamp was announced. Unfortunately the beta rules look as lackluster as ever, but that’s fine, because as a SoB fan you have learned to expect that GW hates you, Catholics, and women. 

Edit: GW found God and got woke because now they love women and Jesus’ one true Church, but let it be known that reformation doesn’t occur overnight, as the SOB’s faces still betray GW’s lingering discomfort in the female form:

Their rules are fun, and if every codex was designed like it 40k might actually be a fun game

Tyranids

nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom no- and that’s it that’s the Tyranids. I don’t know anything about them besides that, and neither do you, cause that’s their lore. Yes they have cool models, but next to no reliable updates. I’ll pray for you.  

Edit: it really looks like GW has just completely forgotten about you poor souls huh? The Night King, a character who is closely associated with the totally-not-reconned-Tyranid-invasion, comes back and not one word about you guys. They don’t even actively hate you like, say, they hate the Eldar. It’s just... apathy. 

Grey Knights

HAHA AHAHAHAHA HA HA UHAHAHA HAHAAHAHAAHAH HAHA ha ha Ah......... he. hehahaaaAHAHAHAHA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

edit: I hope you all realize that Grey Knights are far too specialized in fighting the permanently under performing forces of chaos to be 40ks “elite among elite.”  You and your entire faction has been made completely obsolescent by the Custodes. The rough times will continue, say hi to the Squats in heaven will you?

Custodes

You are either insufferably full of yourself or a fine practitioner of the model making craft. Most likely though you are neither, and you picked them because you only need gold and red paint to make them look good. Custodes are the space marine’s space marines, and they’re better than you and everyone else. period. At least in lore. On the table their incredible individual stats and elite status are reflected in points cost, so for most large games you will be fielding what amounts to any other faction’s skirmishing army. Unfortunately, since 40k is a stat-sheet battler that favors raw bulk of rolls and stats over the quality of them, you’d be hard-pressed to do well in any serious game. However, for the luminous of mind, the small size is a blessing in disguise since you don’t need to buy and paint as many units as the other armies, and no matter how hard the guard player trashes you his 50 unpainted manlets will never look as good as your 15 gloriously crafted golden Chads. Stick to smaller games, and the individual strength of each model will make up for the glaring absence caused by their loss.

Ironically enough despite being an elite faction from a relatively obscure part of 40k lore, these attributes make Custodes the perfect casual player’s faction. It is my personal theory that if GW didn’t grossly inflate their prices to such a high degree everyone would have a Custodes army. 

Oh yeah, Henry Cavil plays these guys, because of course he does. 

[ehyeh-joshua]

One of the hard parts of doing a WW2 story, is coming up with an end result better than the way 1939-1945 turned out with it’s resulting conclusions, while actually doing something.

You can’t get rid of Hitler any time prior to 1945 - without the hindrance on the German military Hitler was, they win the war outright any time prior to the capture of Dunkirk; had Dunkirk and the 300,000 men on the beaches been annihilated, that would have taken Britain out of the war, leaving all of Europe either subordinate to Hitler or conquered, giving the win to whoever attacks first between Germany and Russia. I favour Russia because Germany had nowhere near the military capacity that Russia possessed in 1941, it just got wasted fighting a different war to what the Russian war machine was intended for. After that, there is only a brief window when the USA is outright stronger than Russia, but after that window, we have the Cold War, only this time without the horror of Hiroshima and Nagasaki as warnings against the danger of atom bombs.

The breaking point for Germany was the loss of Stalingrad; Stalingrad, in 1943, is the turning point in the war in the east, because the losses suffered were catastrophic for Germany, and it rendered the short-term military advantage Germany possessed unable to overcome the industrial leverage Russia possessed. A competent commander would have realised the fate of Stalingrad much earlier and redeployed long before risking the loss of six armies. (and 22 generals, as there was at the surrender under desperate conditions; Paulus described having 18,000 wounded without any bandages or medicine, almost a tenth of his forces at the time of the end of the battle)

Further, while the war was lost here, it was not ended here - with competent strategy, Germany could have had a fighting chance at averting the eventual outcome by several years, likely meaning much of Germany would be destroyed by nuclear weapons.

Hitler’s incompetence however, meant the war in Europe ended earlier than it *should* have done.

Now, with Fallen-Star, there is the opportunity - this machine is one of thousands of ancient weapon systems left behind by the “departed ancient alien superpower” trope, designed specifically for the purpose of dealing with whole planets of hostile enemies, and has technological advances that are so superior that it is like comparing today’s military power against that of a horde of baboons; apart from the deus ex machina event of losing one of his thrusters and therefore the capacity to fly due to a lucky hit while cloaked (and therefore necessarily shieldless) this “war” could be wrapped up in a matter of days to eliminate all German resistance; there is no hiding from the sensors it possesses, not even on our technology. It’s only disadvantage is it doesn’t speak our languages, because if it could, it could intercept and track all communication worldwide; think of the scene in one of the Transformers films where the Decepticon goes on the internet, and then keep in mind this thing can track electronic impulses in the brain; once it establishes how to parse those signals, it is effectively able to read minds.

What does that all mean?

It means this thing, within seconds of finishing the scan of eastern Europe, understands all the raw data for stuff like the Holocaust; it knows where every train is, how many people it’s carrying, how many people are in the mass graves, how many people are in the gas chambers, their genetic makeups, what gas is being used, and topological and building layouts down to a precision measured in centimetres. Millimetres if it has more time to scan.

The only thing that justifies delay is having to confirm the level of evil that it’s sensors are telling it before response.

But, it can’t intervene; and not just because of the Hitler time-travel issue - part of the setting for this series is that fairly obviously, Humans are not alone; far from it, to draw on the Tolkien’s names for these tiers of beings, Eru forms many worlds, and Valar shape some of these worlds, and the Maiar bring the Elves and men (and the dwarves) out from Earth to the worlds prepared for them, and then the Maiar deal with the fallout of free will; and setting aside Tolkiensian, creating a galaxy wide war between two sides of the same species (or at least they started the same) one of which creates artificial slavelings to fight battles and the other creates Terminators. The crashed machine of Fallen-Star is one of them.

Now, when I was younger and I had the first thoughts about this particular Terminator, I just wanted him on Earth during WW2 and thereafter, eventually departing as a passenger back to his starship in either the US or Russian space programs.

Now, however, I have to think it through more thoroughly.

This machine has already seen stuff that makes the Holocaust look ok; it’s seen planets being destroyed and consumed for resources, it’s seen twenty sentient species created to be slaves or genetically modified to be slaves, and when it’s creators lost, it had to watch it’s creators destroy themselves in a black hole to draw in their enemies as bait while it and it’s fellow Terminators had to mop up the survivors, and then try to keep the surviving younger-races safe; it’s part of why this one has had a previous visit to Earth, because survivors of the evil side of the Maiar equivalent came to Earth and claimed to be angels and gods, and then used Humans in their experiments, creating the Nephilim; by the time he catches up, Noah has already been instructed to build the Ark, and the Terminator assesses the extent of the corruption and cannot think of a way to save Earth better than wiping it all out and beginning anew, despite trying after meeting an actual angel that explained the plan.

And it comes to Earth, and while it doesn’t understand everything, it comes in on what was supposed to be a routine survey mission (it does have the most advanced sensors in the galaxy) it’s first step is scanning for Humans, and knowing what happened last time, it runs a genetic analysis - it can clearly see the planet is still in a state of not far off global war, and it is facing the old memories.

Only now, it finds something worse; these Humans don’t have that explanation, what’s going on is all on them. It detects the concentration camps, the gulags, the internment camps, the mass starvations, the forced resettlements and most worryingly, it detects limited but active nuclear weapons research after scanning for the relevant specific isotopes; it at least has the relief of knowing the Humans have only just figured out how to go about distinguishing the necessary isotopes. It is facing the realistic possibility that one of the galaxy’s few “Gaia” worlds might have only ten years left before being rendered uninhabitable.

It has to respond; first step confirm the sensor results, and if those come back as truthful, it then has to act, it can’t stand by and do nothing. Not again.

But, what choices does it have?

Sure, it could just kerb-stomp them, but that would only mean installing an even worse dictatorship for the “greater good”, as either he fills the power vacuum, or someone else does. It doesn’t fix the problem, only delays it.

He can’t exactly side with one of the local powers either - he can already see none of them are innocent; while he doesn’t know the names, he can tell the Americans are imprisoning Japanese-Americans, the British are starving millions of Bengalis to death, the Germans are likewise conducting genocide, the Japanese are conducting experiments on the Chinese, the Russians are seemingly imprisoning and starving to death millions of their own population; that can be figured out from an orbital sensor sweep, nevermind in-depth research.

No, he has to somehow influence the Humans to do the right thing. And that creates a plot-hole really, because he can help, he wants to help, but he has to hold back because taking any kind of main platform will make it worse; all he can do is give aid to the Jan Karski’s in the world and decreasing the capability of the long-term threat from within.

When I was younger, I didn’t think about it - of course he comes down and gets stranded and can’t leave until the Humans develop the tech to enable him to do so. It just happens that way. But, now it’s an issue...

[fantroll-purgatory]

Hi, this is different than the main fansession I’m sending you. I just needed help!

World: Alterniaish, with a few alternate dimension changes

Name: Lumiae Mahina (lumiae comes from illumination, and Mahina is a lunar deity from Hawaii)

Age: 7 sweeps

Theme/Story: Lumiae’s main theme is books. Books are the light of her life, and very dear to her. She used to be best friends with the heiress when she was younger after accidentally stumbling upon her when she was nearly killed by some highbloods. But once the heiress Nerida grew older, she became more busy and obsessed with being next in line for the throne, and stopped talking to Lumiae. Lumiae says she’s gotten over it, but she really hasn’t. She’s kept the gift of a watch from Nerida for a long time. Also later I made her themed off of a rabbit.

Goals: I was thinking of changing her god tier and sign, as well as design but I wasn’t sure. (Then I’ll jump right there! Designwise I think she’s pretty solid, actually. Definitely one of your best yet.)

Strife Specibus: Lighterkind

Fetch Modus: Table of Contents- she has to find the exact page of the item to get it out.

Blood Color: Teal

Symbol and Meaning: Libpia, sign of the synthesizer

(LIPIA, SIGN OF THE NETWORKER) (My main suggestion for changes would be:)

(LIBIBORN, SIGN OF THE FINALE) (It even matches her glasses!) Handle: bookishFantasy[BF] Quirk: [its literally l just a book]

Special Abilities: None

Lusus/Guardian: A winged rabbit with sharp pointy teeth

Interests: Definitely books. She doesn’t spend much time doing anything else, she doesn’t really like to leave her hive besides going to bookhives. She does like listening to music while she reads though, but nothing with words. Video game music is Lumiae’s favorites, even if she never played the games. She’s also very excited to be a lawyer when she’s older, and studies as much as she reads fantasy books.

Appearance: A large teal jacket with the sleeves singed from an event she doesn’t want to talk about, jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt with her sign on it. She also has white glasses, which will have two lines between them if she becomes a rage player.

Personality: Lumiae is a very quiet and nervous troll, but she’s always speaking her mind about how things need to change- even if she isn’t loud about it. She’s easily manipulated, especially when she’s vulnerable. But she has a deep anger inside of her, she hates how the world is and wants to change it, but is too scared to do anything. If pushed to far, that rage will bubble over and she’ll snap, not even thinking straight at all. She hates that side of her, and wishes it would just shut up so she could be safe and follow the Alternian law.

Ancestor: the Observer Steeleye

Lunar Sway: Derse

Title: Witch of Light (or, if changed, mage or rogue of rage) (Aaahhhh, Light players. Love em or love to hate em, they’re here to stay and to ruin your sessions. And here the core of my review rests: Are you sure this is a Light player? Light players, excuse my lack of tact, wreck shit.) (You make a point in her personality section to mention a deep, consuming rage that she’s terrified to bring out. Are you sure she’s not a Rage player?) (Rage players get something of a bad rap, but your character has all the elements of a righteous rage player. Rage players can’t take it like it is, even when they’re Prospit aligned. They destroy and leave a fresh slate for their vision of the world to grow.) (I think a Rage aligned version of this character is likely either an Heir or a Mage, amusing because they are inverses of each other. My current lean is Heir.) (The Heir is changed by their Aspect, manipulated and changed by it as much as they bring it into the world around them. Lumiae is passively changed by the society she lives in, of restriction and culling and she hates every second of it. In order to achieve her goals, she’ll have to take that experience an act as her inverse, the Mage of Hope, to guide her fellows on the path to a brighter future. But, she’ll have to do it herself.)

That should be it! And here she is, and in case you can’t tell there’s a scar on her right eyebrow. Thank you!

[writingmessynaruto]

Speaking of Angst

Let’s talk about what a *lovely* day I had today.

This seems off topic and selfish, partly because it is, but I promise it has something to do with writing/storytelling/screenwriting.

Bear with me.

So, I’m in college right now, and I’m taking an intro course for screenwriting. Fun class, we watch lots of movies, good times. Our final project is to write a screenplay for a short film. Today, we had a chance to talk about our ideas in class.

I had almost nothing. Didn’t come up with an idea until I was in class, because I’m just terrible at pulling random story ideas out of my ass. But I had something.

We talked about our ideas speed-dating style, just paired up and exchanging thoughts, no matter how partial and underdeveloped they were. It was just about throwing ideas around and getting help from our peers. Prof came over to listen in on my conversation.

So, I’m obsessed with Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild right now. I’m writing fanfiction for that universe right now. I play the game constantly, almost every day after I get home. My idea for the short film (or at least the idea I said in class) is sort of Breath of the Wild from the perspective of the everyday commoner. The side characters in the game. Their daily struggles, their perception of the world, their fears and dreams in the face of these red demonic clouds in the distance. Their feelings of helplessness. The prof thought it was a cool concept, and I felt pretty good about it. Whether it ends up being my film idea or not, I was happy he approved of it, and he offered me some tips to focus it into the medium of a short film.

So, a couple speed-dates later, I’m with this one dude. I’m a little apprehensive because he’s that guy in class. He acts like he knows what he’s talking about all the time, he has this tone of voice that sounds like he thinks all his favorite movies, all his opinions are just god-tier, that he’s the best film buff in the class, better than everybody in the room, maybe even the prof. I’m not happy, but I have to. It’s only a speed date. 5 minutes, tops.

I ask who should go first, whether he’d like to go or if I should go. He lets me go first.

So, I preface my idea with the game it’s based on.

“I'm a little obsessed with Zelda Breath of Wild right now—”

"Yeah, I know what that game is, I played it."

Said like I was babying him, like I was talking down to him, like how could he not know what Zelda Breath of the Wild is, he’s played it and beat it fifty times already. But wait; there’s more.

He continues. “I didn't like that game at all. Too many side quests. Just side quest after side quest. Too open world."

Okay, I think, whatever. “I guess it’s just a preference,” I say. “It’s whatever, but I really like it, and one of the things I wanted to do...” Yadda, yadda, my little idea. I get done in under a minute.

He gives me no feedback. Instead, he jumps right into his idea, taking up the entire rest of the time, and not letting me get much of a word in edgewise. He talks about this whole specific plot he’s come up with as if it’s the best thing on earth. Like, I’ll say right now: some of it was alright. It had potential in some areas. But it had a lot of weaknesses and useless shit in it. He was preening himself about this thing, like it was a master plan, like it would win the next Oscar or something just on premise alone, and it was literally just made up of overused horror tropes. He based it off Goosebumps, a series I loved growing up, but it was just completely stock horror and creepiness. Kid meets a few new friends at school, they hang out, walk past this strange old house, protagonist realizes he’s had dreams about this house before, his friends urge him to go inside by himself, he does and he gets lost, somehow gets knocked out, wakes up in his own bed, goes to school and notices his friends are missing, asks a teacher, and he is told that those kids died years ago in the house he went to. Oh, and that house was demolished years ago.

Like, there’s potential. It’s not complete garbage. There are some interesting things going on that could work with a bit of tweaking just to make it more interesting / believable. But he was selling this thing like it was already perfect. He wouldn’t let me get in a word of comments, wouldn’t let me ask questions, not to mention he seemed like the kind of person that wouldn’t appreciate any criticism about his perfect idea.

And then.

As I smiled and nodded and let him go on and on about his idea, only giving nice little comments about the things I thought were good and had potential, he goes,

“That’s not even the best part. Here’s the best part:”

And he proceeds to tell me about a seemingly useless jump-scare scene that has no real plot pertinence, no real reason for being in his story about four ghost kids and an old house. Like, Goosebumps did way better than this. Goosebumps succeeded because the events were connected, strange but sensible, and they took tropes and subverted them with something completely new and exciting. All this dude is doing is taking every trope ever and putting it in a film, and then acting like his idea is so good, and if one person, even the prof, suggests that it could use some tweaking, he gets defensive and doesn’t want to hear it.

Oh, and he told me that there’s a romantic subplot between one of the ghost children and the protagonist, and she puts a note in his pocket at one point in the story. And at the end, guess what? The note is mYsTerIOuSLY iN hiS POckEt!!! OOoooooOOOOOooo!!

I’ll go through this plot and say what I didn’t get to say to him because he wouldn’t let me and even if he did, he probably didn’t want to hear anything bad about his “amazing story.”

It’s got some potential, but like any story, especially any first draft, it has to be worked on and revised. The premise is cool, but you can’t base an entire story on tropes and expect it to function. That’s not good storywriting, that’s just laziness, expecting tropes to do the work for you. You must tell the story, you must tell the trope what to do. Tropes don’t do the work for you, you do the work for the tropes.

Let’s talk about those:

It was all a dream. Please don’t do this. Like, I hate it when profs tell writers what they should and shouldn’t do, so I’ll reword it a little: Please try to avoid this, unless you’re doing it for a reason OTHER than shock value. It’s cheap. It doesn’t sit well with audiences. We aren’t surprised in a good way; we just feel cheated and lied to. We don’t trust the author/movie anymore.

The creepy piano ghost. Alright. I’m not much of a horror junkie, but I know this is just overused constantly. For effect. If you’re just using something for effect that has little to nothing to do with your actual plot, and you’re just using a creepy ghost girl at a piano to scare the audience because your scene isn’t creepy enough, DON’T USE THIS. A better use of this trope would be to have your story revolve around a house that actually is haunted by the ghost of a girl who actually played piano. Don’t just have a random thing like this show up and excuse you of actually having to write something creepy.

Jumpscares. Going off the piano ghost, the dude said at the end of the scene, the girl’s neck would turn around, her body would contort Exorcist style, and she would release an inhuman scream that would cause the protagonist to run out of the room full speed. Jumpscares like this offer no actual scare value. She doesn’t chase him out into the hall. She doesn’t have any reason to be there in the first place. She’s just a random scare. Jumpscares rely on startling audiences with sudden images, accompanied by loud noises. These are just plays on our bodies’ natural instincts when suddenly and unexpectedly confronted. It’s not actually scary in the context of the film. It’s a cheap trick (yes, it’s a trick), and most of the time it’s only used to inject horror in a scene that lacks that element, rather than creating a plot element that is actually effective. Please, consider doing something else. There are plenty of scary movies that don’t utilize jumpscares just for spooks. The movies that do well have scary moments, even jumpscares, that are plot pertinent and affect something. Don’t just have a jumpscare to have a jumpscare because “OH, that’ll get em real good!” It’s shitty writing. It’s a trope. You have to work for the trope to be effective.

So-and-so died 30 years ago. In this context, the reason this trope doesn’t really work is that the protagonist meets these kids and interacts with them at school. During school. They were in class with him. They occupied seats in class. They were in class. So for them to just suddenly disappear from reality (for no discernible or logical reason) just seems like a cheating mechanism, similar to “this was all just a dream!” You can’t have ghosts talking to you in school in public, interacting with you in class, and then have them disappear with no explanation and have a teacher tell you they died years ago. You can’t do that and have no reason as to why nobody remembers them, why nobody saw our main character talking to thin air. Logistically, you have to work out a reason for these things to work in the universe of your creation. Otherwise, you end up with your audience asking how things even happened. It has to make sense, even if it’s all magic. There’s gotta be some logic to what’s going on.

The note from the ghost is still in my pocket. This piggybacks off the previous one. If the ghost friends weren’t real, then how did this actually happen? You can’t say it did happen in real life because how would the teacher and all the kids at school forget that MC (main character) was talking to 4 people? How would a ghost hand him a note? I thought it was all supposed to be a dream, but now you’re telling me it’s not? You’re lying to me again? What’s real? When you have the audience confusedly asking “What’s real? What’s going on?” that isn’t the same as a psychological mystery/thriller/fantasy. It’s not some existential commentary. Your story is confusing and inconsistent. Stop relying on tropes to make things creepy. Write a story that has a logical progression of events, a reason for characters to show up and then disappear. You’re allowed to have all of these things happen, but there has to be a reason to it. Things can’t just happen willy-nilly. If it doesn’t make sense, your audience will be confused, and in a bad way.

Ugh. Thanks for reading my rant. I’m gonna go take a nap now, enjoy my spring break. Good night.

[mc-slowwalker]

delta’s kicking our asses down in australia too. plus our vaccine rollout is just terrible. like I don’t think imma be travelling anywhere till like next year at the earliest and certainly not anytime soon. I 100% would overthink any reaction so much it’s be easier to just like not. idk I have a weird thing about meeting ccs

noooo not the year book. we had like a grad ceremony I guess you could call it like out on a field and everyone dressed up like it was formal and we were all sat socially distanced seats and the parents were all in cars behind us and there was a stage where people got up and said stuff and they gave us all plants at the end of it. my dog destroyed mine on like the second day 😔✌️

I got so much worse as a student because of corona. minimal studying went down to zero. like I already got distracted and bored too easily in school staying at home and doing school was an absolute nightmare. I finished tho and did well enough to get into the course and uni I wanted so we vibing now.

but most importantly mcc!!! mcc was so fucking good oh my god. it was soo fun !!! red rabbits were such a great team to watch too their dynamics were wonderful. they were all so encouraging too it was great !!quackitys song was so funny lmao. imma be going back and watching pink and yellows vods but ahhh red!! and the way the brought it back in survival games holy shit that was insane and fucking sapnap oh my god did so goddamn well. and dream and sapnap duo was so good !!! absolutely perfect. the game order was so weird too but like wow it was very entertaining. dream’s sands of time stressed me the fuck out though like damn. I’m still not over survival games!! AND SAPNPA HOLE IN THE WALL AND FIRST OVERALL FINALLY S TIER AND FUCK REDDIT!! AND QUACKITYS FIRST WIN!!! and even pink parrots did so well and ranboos first mcc !!! plus the captains curse is broken!! (technically it was broken by green guardians lmaoooo) I’m still not over survival games and the way they brought it back. sapnap and dream in survival games like damn. like there’s so much to say. they popped off tho that’s the main thing. this was a great mcc very enjoyable 10/10 will watch all the vods. I have more to say but I can’t remember cause I woke up early for mcc (curse time zones) and I’m so tired now

lmao it’s funny how we’ve moved like practically completely away from dream smo character analysis

L to your vaccine rollout. America has a pretty good vaccine rollout but uh….. people aren’t taking them. There’s so many vaccines going to waste because people just aren’t showing up really pisses me off. I really hate it here!!! I would feel the same about traveling but I learned that if I am not on campus for school I actually cannot do work so I’m headed back down there in the fall. I’m anxious because despite delta everyone is basically “over it” so restrictions are going wayyy down. I’ll also have a roommate so catch me wearing my mask even in my own room

You say you got plants I say they gave your dog a salad /j but that sounds sweet! My friend got something similar to that. I would have gone to my grad but they were like “yeah afterwords we’re going yo get a group photo (there are like 500 of us how in the socially distance world-) and then a cook out with parents” and I kinda went yeah no I’m good. But I’m really happy a large amount of people got to have a safe graduation!

Ashkdh same with the uni stuff except I have not been vibing and have been crying it’s been hard for sure didn’t have the easiest first year but I’m going to make the most of it from this point on

Mcc was sooo good! I’ll also be watching the pink parrots and yellow yaks back but I’ll probably watch the cyan creepers too. The game order was so weird!!!! When I saw parkour tag and sky battle first I kinda accepted that red rabbits weren’t going to win but hell they pulled it off! Really enjoyed sapnap putting dream on a child leash because that was wild. Can I get a thank you michael mcchill because man stuck to dream so good despite dream being in a “watch this” mood. Dream’s sands of time was stressful because man was so afraid of being put in baby jail again. I was loving in the end when dream was jumping around and unconsciously picking up tomatoes only throw them all at tommy when he remembered he had them. Listen I’m biased but if you’re in manhunts you’re automatically s tier in my book. It’s really interesting though because the hunters have a step up on dream teamwork wise. Dream isn’t really used to working in group while the hunters have team work almost down pat. I also enjoyed how scuffed it was! It’s always a good mcc if someone has to sub in ahdkfjkd. Have they gone a single event without having to pause? Either way huge enjoyer and I hope they never fix that. Connor’s audio shit? Dream starting his stream 2 minutes late? Amazing. What more could I ask for

Lisetn we decided that c!tommy should do taxes and c!skeppy is a dentist I think that is top tier analysis

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 11/16 NXT 11/18 NXT UK 11/19 Smackdown 11/20 Survivor Series 11/22

Raw:

Appreciate Lana providing logic to the creation of this match.

“Is this a Disney movie” lmao.

Honestly Shayna works better as a henchman than as a final boss.

Love Lana’s theme btw.

rip Mandy.

Ugly kick by Asuka. Not a compliment.

hahaha Lana tagged herself into the match while Shayna had Asuka in the clutch. hahahahah.

“You suck, get out” rofl.

Asuka you’re trash for not saving Lana. Truly.

“I’m actually really proud of you, you showed a lot of courage tonight.” Nia is funny. A bitch and a bully, sure, but funny.

There’s number 9. rip.

First of all, Dana’s shaky interview was going really well, and I wish they had let her finish it cuz god knows she needs the practice.

Second, WHY IS MIA YIM ATTACKING DANA OF ALL PEOPLE?

I’m not sorry, I shamelessly love Bray and Alexa together, goodbye.

“Your word is... jackass” lmaooo why is he even doing a spelling bee to prep for this match.

rip Rambling Rabbit for the 38th time.

What makes him being killed so damn demented is not only the way he exhibits agony and suffering as he dies, but the way they STAND BY LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY. This is the definition of sociopathy.

“Bullseye!” “More like... Rabbit’s heart!” *continues laughing hysterically* jfc.

Really love how Alexa puts her hand beneath her chin and then waves. That goes along with her characteristics developed since the fairy gimmick in nxt back in 2014/2015, to the cosplaying mean girl in 2016/2017/2018, to the babyface in 2019/2020. Also adds another layer with her gloves. Love that.

Nikki’s wandering around looking for Alexa, when clearly she should be looking for the Firefly Funhouse. I suggest asking Seth or Randy.

“Friends never give up on each other,” they also don’t give each other ultimatums cuz that’s toxic af, but okay.

She keeps running her mouth about Fiend and I can already see Alexa demolishing her for it.

LOVE the cohesion in going from one segment to the other as Sarah runs around looking for an interview. Fitting since that’s obviously her job, but it went together smoothly. They really come off as tmz lol.

I appreciate how Miz doesn’t want to fuck with Bray cuz he knows Bray will just torment his family lol. I also appreciate his reasoning because he’s a true opportunist. he doesn’t want to exhaust himself with this match cuz he might cash in later.

Love Alexa’s remixed theme, it’s jarring af. Walking red flag btw.

Oh nooo Nikki what are you doinggg.

I’m not a fan of how Nikki sold this interaction. Didn’t feel natural at all.

OH SHIT the sound of that slap, oof.

Oh my god I love how Bray came out and glared at Nikki. FANTASTIC. Absolute gold. Then he just smiles at Alexa as she takes his arm to escort him to the ring.

And the way the camera focuses back on Miz and Morrison... Miz’s face... I can’t, this is tremendous tbh. What a great story to run throughout this week’s Raw.

lmfao the way Alexa stuck her head between the ropes to scare Morrison. Ugh this pairing is easily my favorite thing in wwe rn.

Interesting, so Bray protects her. A fair duo.

I will never not cringe at watching people pretend to break someone’s neck by twisting it to the side. If I was a wrestler, that’s a move I would NEVER allow to be done to me.

On the plus side, Alexa took out Morrison and he sold it really fucking well. On the negative, it seems that distracted Bray as he’s more concerned for her well being now.

Oh my god the way Alexa reappears from behind the barricade. Creepy as shit.

Love watching her “balance” on the barricade considering she was one hell of a gymnast in her day.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for watching Lacey progress in the ring, cuz I think her character work is just fantastic, but holy shit what a downgrade going from Mandy and Dana to Lacey and Peyton.

Why is she excited? Why is it exciting to fight Sasha? Maybe Asuka should’ve taken that match a bit more seriously, considering the outcome. But I’m jumping ahead of myself.

“No one is ready for Asuka,” except for Charlotte, Becky, Shayna, Alexa, Sasha...

I do appreciate how Lacey isn’t scared of anyone while Peyton is wary of literally everyone. That’s good. Nia has a point though, y’all could’ve used Mandy. I guess it doesn’t matter though, considering the outcome. Jumping ahead of myself again.

“Worst idea since Quibi” lmao shots fired.

*Bonus* Peyton/Lacey online exclusive: they vibe real well off script. Peyton made points saying she can’t wait to teach Lacey how to be on a team. That’s valid cuz Lacey is NOT much of a team player. Points to Lacey though, she’s funny as hell.

Highlight: Alexa Bliss

---

NXT:

Awesome hearing War Pigs during that Shotzi promo. Is that the official theme song for War Games? If so, baller to wwe for shelling that cash out.

I’m guessing Shotzi was fixing her tank? Was that the premise? Regardless, the setting was different and interesting.

I really like the fencing around nxt’s ringside. Fits with the grungy “indie” feel.

God I’m gonna have to watch Candice defeat Kayden and Kacy aren’t I?

Indi bought the Garganos a flat screen tv? :/ mk. What does she have to gain? Johnny was an AWFUL champion and Candice has never even held gold. What is she hoping to accomplish?

“Indi is gaining one of the best mentors in the nxt locker room” lmao WHAT.

omg Kacy and Kayden are so fucking entertaining, I feel like I say this every time I watch them. All tag teams need to TAKE. NOTES. Look at that cohesion and teamwork. Whew.

Hold on don’t try to retcon Tegan as leaving Candice’s side. I hate Tegan even more than I hate Candice, and she was a shite friend to Dakota by proxy of being a spineless dweeb, but do not try to paint Candice as the victim in her feud with Tegan.

I know nothing about the Dakota/Candice friendship but I’d go ahead and blame Dakota since she’s hella douchey lmao.

Imagine thinking Indi is an upgrade from Dakota. Commentary is super funny and distracting tonight lmao.

Was that not a flatliner? Sure looked like an intended flatliner.

So Kacy attempts to kill herself in the process of taking out Indi and none of the cameras caught it? :/ we still using interns looking for college credits in production? Is that what’s happening??

Vic is kind of an awful commentator in his actual calls. “Nice suplex, almost a brainbuster” better hope that was a brainbuster cuz if not, that was the saddest fucking suplex I’ve ever seen in my life.

So Kacy almost kills herself using offense against Indi and Indi was coherent first? Ugh anyway.

Why do we have to listen to Ember speak every week? What a terrible idea.

So now she’s gonna be nxt’s savior by getting rid of Dakota and Raquel? Oh for fuck’s sake.

Why does she have fucking soda tabs on her gear still.

Why is she teaming with Toni. I THOUGHT THEY WERE HEELS. Seriously, am I the dumb one? Am I the one who needs their hand held? Has Ember not been acting like a heel since she returned? Am I the only one confused about Toni’s alignment??

“We’ve fallen victim to the numbers game” WHEN have you fallen victim to the numbers game, Toni? WHO WROTE THIS.

I know nxt wants me to give a shit about Ember and Toni, but good luck making me care about anyone down there more than Dakota or Rhea.

I would really appreciate it if Dakota was moved up to the MR without actually showing any dissention from Raquel.

Dakota calls a lot of matches, I’ve noticed. Pro shit.

Toni’s German suplexes are amazing if she’s actually never hurt anyone, cuz MAN they look gnarly af.

Gorgeous tornado ddt by Ember. Nice speed, great handling by Raquel.

Don’t Dakota and Toni have quite the history? From UK?

Today in wrestling commentary: Vic cannot tell the difference between left and right.

Whoa I just noticed Dakota isn’t wearing her knee brace. That’s kind of monumental, right? Isn’t that a big deal? I feel like that’s a big deal.

Honestly I might like Toni more than Ember. She comes off as a lot more likable since her move to nxt.

Oh Christ I gotta see Candice again. 

Hi why isn’t this main eventing? Do Rhea fucking Ripley and Io fucking Shirai not deserve it?? For real???

Hate it when refs hold the title up crooked. Noob.

Holy shit Io’s speed is TOP. TIER. Whew.

And then slips on the turnbuckle, sad. Could’ve been worse, could’ve been a Shotzi wipeout (and that’s what I’m gonna call it from now on)

What Io has in speed, Rhea has in strength, these are the facts.

Why did Vic cut Beth off by saying exactly what she was in the middle of saying? Vic’s losing a lot of points tonight tbh.

oof gnarly German suplex off the second rope by Io.

Oh my, Rhea’s ear is covered in blood. Must have punctured her ear with an earring. Rough. I say this as someone who has her fair share of piercings: it BOGGLES MY MIND why any of these women wrestle with their piercings in lmao. No ma’am.

Brutal match, whew.

Rhea wiped her own blood on her face.

There are some aprons spots with Rhea obviously waiting around that needed some work.

Rhea can sell, certainly, but her screaming is way too dramatic at times. Most notably at wm in the empty arena, but this match is a close second. Almost borders on annoying.

Niiice Rhea adding a nice vortex spin on the tail end of her cloverleaf submission. Points. Keep that.

Oh that Riptide attempt countered into an armbar by Io. BEAUTIFUL.

I liked that. Io goes for the 619 in the middle rope, Rhea ducks. Io goes for the 619 on the lower rope, Rhea dodges. Io strikes her a couple times, Rhea falls to the opposite side of the ring and Io proceeds to hit the 619. Good stuff.

Lol Io’s smiling at Rhea kicking out of the missile dropkick.

Nice flip off of Rhea’s clothesline but I’m not a fan of Io landing her moonsault on her feet. That’s not really her M.O.

Fucking spiked Rhea with a ddt by countering the Riptide again. That’s a solid champion, has her opponent completely scouted.

Beautiful sunset flip powerbomb through the ropes with Rhea landing through a table. Would’ve been cool if Rhea had let go right away, though.

In kf, I give points to Rhea for dragging herself from the rubble just to eat a clean pin. Great match.

Highlight: Io vs Rhea

---

NXT UK:

Wow robbing me of KLR’s entrance. Guess Piper is officially the heel.

Quit calling her a “new” Piper Niven. A slight aggression is hardly “new”

BE CAREFUL WITH KLR’S SNAZZY COAT.

Y’all got tape out? Have we learned nothing from Bayley/Sasha hiac?

CHUCKED A FUCKING RING BELL INTO PIPER’S HEAD LMAO

Ugh headbutt that takes everyone out. Tsk.

Ric who? Charlotte’s dad??

Who do I gotta pay to see KLR vs Becky Lynch in an extreme match?!

KLR rolls away after that fisherman buster on the outside. Smart points.

Alright listen I’m on KLR’s side but WHY IS JINNY OUT HERE

Lol smacked Piper with a ‘no entry’ sign. Haha.

And Piper broke a sign over KLR’s head, followed by puns from the commentators.

rip random guitar.

Match doesn’t have any creative spots really, but they sure know how to utilize random objects.

BRO YOU CAN’T TAKE A STEEL PIPE TO HER KNEE ON CONCRETE, THAT’S HELLA RUDE. KLR lit a fire under Piper’s ass and Piper’s trying to retire her as thanks. Super, super rude.

Fuck her up fam, I don’t even feel bad.

??? Did KLR even land through the table or did she just land straight onto the fucking concrete? Jesus Christ man. No, she didn’t, she slid into the second table and just ate the floor. Oh my god. IS SHE OKAY??

Highlight: That vicious ending gained KLR a lot of respect in my eyes

---

Smackdown:

Imagine being surprised that Adam chose the longest reigning SD women’s champion as his team captain. Granted she’s probably despised by everyone, but she’s got the pedigree, come on now.

Look how good Bayley looks. Whew.

“You know what time it is? Bayley time.” she’s so annoying rofl.

Wow riveting stuff, I have zero comments about this 2 min match tbh.

Go stand in the ring with your damn captain, Bianca.

Lmao Bayley allergic to hugs now. Character progression.

It’s quite the team I’m ngl. I just wish we could’ve wrapped up this Sasha/Bayley shit like... months ago so we could enjoy captain Bayley for a bit longer. Gonna burn through this in one damn episode. It’s a bummer.

*Bonus* Nattie’s online exclusive: “I sailed through some rough waters [...] I’m smart, I’m sexy, I’m funny, I’m rich” She is funny, I will give her that.

We’re getting Asuka/Sasha face to face? For real? Okay.

Cute, Sasha’s smile toward Asuka actually looked genuine. I miss when Sasha seemed genuine. It’s like Bayley killed that part of her.

“Michael are you forgetting what time it is?” BAYLEY TI-- “It is boss time, baby!” welp my mistake.

I’ve played Asuka’s dialogue to Sasha 3x and I still have no idea what she was saying because of her ridiculous fucking dancing and animation. I’m tired. Bayley come take her title.

Omg now she’s doing “you can’t see me” SHE ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING I absolutely despise her being champion.

Actually she is ready for Asuka, and I’m gonna take great joy in watching her win this Sunday. Sasha is hella unlikeable until the moment that bell rings, then she’s a god. Is what it is.

Booo Sasha was actually doing good on the mic, how dare you ruin that, Carmella.

Asuka is awful. Even Becky and Ronda fought off common enemies once upon a time. Asuka helps legit N O B O D Y. Awful champion.

Highlight: Captain Bayley

---

Survivor Series:

Love Sasha’s gear.

Asuka kicked out at one, quick everyone cry about her selling. Oh wait she’s not Charlotte, my bad.

Beautiful attempt at an armbar by Sasha, whew.

Sasha is so good at this whole wrestling thing lol.

Nice pop up from that backstabber.

Right and in contrast, Asuka is an amazing striker.

Oh a codebreaker to Sasha as she dangles from the second rope. Gorgeous move.

Ahhhh the blue haired god got the job done. I knew she’d win but it’s so gratifying to see.

Not much to say about the match. The spots weren’t brutal or super creative/innovative, but it had GREAT back and forth and really showcased their chemistry in technical wrestling. Also might very well have been the best match they’ve had yet, seemed pretty short though. Still, an enjoyable watch. Good for Sasha.

Lol the disdain in Nia’s face as she looks at Lana.

Look, Bayley’s arm band says ‘captain’ so she’s the captain.

Love seeing how creative people get with their gear at Survivor Series, as opposed to just throwing a damn brand shirt on. Looking at you, 2016.

One thing I’ve learned about Bayley is if she calls you sister, she genuinely likes you behind the scenes. So glad to see Lacey is in her good graces.

Omg Lacey learned how to do a kip up, everybody clap.

Love how the light shines off of Nattie’s gear. Got rainbows popping.

Squatting while stalling a suplex, and synchronized kip ups. Bianca and Nattie are fun.

“Bayley and the great Becky Lynch,” Oh shit, peep that RESPECT we’re putting on her name now? She gets ‘the great’?? wwe finally seeing her on the same level as ‘the great’ Charlotte Flair??? I am shook. Good for her, fucking deserved (also poor Bayley rofl)

Lana tags herself in again lmao. Nia 5 seconds from killing her. Look, Lana tries. Let her try.

I can’t breathe. she been put in timeout.

(referring to a move by Peyton) “I give that a perfect 10“ PPPFFFFTTTT

What a bump by Bayley; a suplex off the top rope onto the entire roster on the outside, and what a great locker room leader to be checking on everyone IMMEDIATELY as if she didn’t just fucking take a massive bump. Also poor Lana standing over there watching the fun lol.

Now I already knew Peyton pinned Bayley cuz of the outrage by Bayley fans who deemed her “buried” afterward, but I think it was a poor decision to have Peyton get that pin. Peyton sucks, not sorry. Have Lacey get that pin before Peyton. Actually, have Lana get that pin before Peyton.

Not sure what Nattie was going for with that submission to Peyton, but she improvised real quick. So points.

Doesn’t Nattie usually wear wrist guards? Awkward seeing her without them.

Goes for a sharpshooter on a woman who’s not even active rn. I’m removing her points lmao.

I legit never get to see Bianca’s 450 splash and you know what? Fuck y’all.

Well Bianca’s a great partner to do a Spanish Fly with so, good on Lacey.

That’s an interesting elimination. Ruby would’ve pinned Shayna as she had rolled back and reversed the Clutch, but the ref was distracted by Nia. By the time he started counting, Ruby had passed out. Interesting.

Crucifix Bomb by Liv eliminates Lacey, fucking dope.

Having Bianca as the last survivor on her team is great for Bianca. This is a compliment from management.

BEAUTIFUL catch by Shayna into the Clutch. Wow that was nice.

Ah we redoing the spot from their Takeover match, IE my introduction to Bianca. Solid.

Oh this is good. Bianca passed out from the Clutch while on the ropes so Shayna was disqualified. Nia drug Bianca out of the ring to put her through the announce table and they started brawling until they were both counted out. 

Again, I knew Lana was the sole survivor but seeing it happen is fucking hilarious. Nice protection for Bianca though, and seeing Nia this pissed off is so cathartic.

Highlight: Bianca was the real standout imo

---

*Survivor Series shined the brightest as we had both a great technical match, and a fun, entertaining multiwoman match filled with shenanigans. If that’s a cop out, then I’ll give it to NXT this week. 

[dxringred]

I don't know what parts exactly you & the anons are talking about, I'm not asking to agree or disagree I just like reading different POVs over writing and execution. That being said what parts of Ed's writing/execution (recent examples or not) you find weak, repetitive, unimaginative (that's your main complains I guess)? & that Maxine writer, I'm not qualified & informed enough to judge her as an overall writer, so what's her weakness as a writer iyo? In general I enjoy reading critiques.

Under the cut because asking me about this kind of thing almost always guarantees an essay. Also, big spoiler warning! 

My main complaint actually tends to be the writing overall as opposed to a lack of creativity - you can use the same idea multiple times, but you need to make sure that it’s different in its own way as well. Emmerdale thinks that this can be achieved simply by swapping out characters (usually for ones that are similar) which obviously couldn’t be further from the truth.

Like I’ve mentioned before, I find their only strength when it comes to writing is drama, and it’s a) not much of a strength considering how they execute things, and b) what you’d already expect of a soap opera in the first place. So it’s no surprise that whenever they try to write for another sub-genre, it always goes terribly wrong. Just take a look at the “Whodunnit” we’ve been forced to endure for the past three months.

There’s not exactly much to pinpoint, because I think virtually everything they do is weak, repetitive, poorly executed or all three. Their overall strength tends to lay with characterization and character interactions, but even that can go pear-shaped sometimes. (See: Chrissie’s personality transplant.) And usually that’s when Emmerdale are unable to think of another way to get from Point A to Point B. I, personally, thought this was the case last Thursday during the bridge scenes when they needed to go from Moira trying to convince Emma  not to jump (Point A) to Emma being pushed (Point B).

When it comes to execution, I can obviously only judge from the standpoint of a viewer. I haven’t taken a media course in my life, so I suppose you could argue that I don’t understand the difficulty of executing/producing a soap - especially with a budget. But I feel that Emmerdale’s biggest issue with execution, is that they don’t take the time to properly visualize beforehand what they’re trying to achieve. 

Visualizing goes a long way - I do it all the time for my writing, even though there will never be a visual representation of it - and it can help with planning angles, character positions, actions, zoom and panning etc. Of course, that’s only me talking about execution from a visual perspective. I take much more issue with execution in terms of writing/storyline - where a storyline’s going to go, what’s going to come of it, what the consequences will be etc.

Anyone who’s ever looked at my blog knows how much I’ve hated this Emma storyline, in spite of it having lots of potential and Emma being my favorite character. And the main reason was because it was poorly executed, especially for what it was advertised as - a mystery. Of course, I know a “Whodunnit” is never intended to be quite like a mystery. But that’s the way Emmerdale were playing it, and they failed to deliver. Massively. 

Mysteries are all about clues, and suspects, and going through the mystery at the same pace as the detectives - that’s what makes it immersive. You can feel like you’re solving the mystery alongside everyone else. The issue Emmerdale had was that they gave you everything right away. You knew who all of the suspects were, you knew their motives, and you knew roughly where they all were at the time of Emma’s murder. (Excluding Gabby, because not even the writers knew where she was apparently.)

That’s not a mystery. That’s not really even a “Whodunnit” because you’ve already got the answer - it was one of those 7. And if you wanted to take the time to go over the possibilities, it was easy to knock that number down to 3. (You remove Pete, Ross and Cain from the equation, as the likely suspects, and you remove Adam who was blatantly going to be the scapegoat.) I went a step further and removed Laurel, because I knew she was going to be alibied by Bob long before it happened, which was how I knew it would be Moira so many weeks before it was revealed.

This year’s SSW had a similar problem when it came to execution. The visual execution was stunning for once. The pacing and everything else? Sadly not  so much. Everything happened too quickly, which left far too much room for fallout and nowhere near enough for suspense. It was akin to a rollercoaster with a single drop at the beginning, and then just a flat track for the rest of the ride. The other problem it had, was lack of reason. Or, rather, one scene of lack of reason that was a set-up for a major plot point and thus left a bad taste in my mouth for the rest of the week.

I ranted about it at the time, but I had massive issues with Adam’s reaction to Emma saving Moira from the barn fire. Massive issues. Why? Because it was an unfounded reaction, and so painfully clearly the reaction he had to have in order for the episode to progress the way it did. 

Finn got shot because Emma had a shotgun. Emma had a shotgun because she was being chased through the woods by Adam, who she wrestled it off of. (Which is… something in and of itself.) Adam was chasing her through the woods with a shotgun because somehow he just knew she’d started the fire (which she didn’t so… there’s that, too) and tried to kill his mom.

Problem is… he had no reason, whatsoever, to make such a hostile assumption right off the bat. The scenario looked exactly how Emma described it to him upon being questioned - she’d just pulled them both from the burning barn and helped to deliver the baby. Like, that’s exactly how it looked and anyone else would’ve believed that story for that reason alone. Adam, as far as I’m aware, had no reason at the time to believe she would do something like that. And so you get an entire death, set of events and reaction based on lack of reason alone. 

But… that’s off-topic. Mostly.

When it comes down to repetitiveness and lack of creativity, it’s just staring right back at you from the second you sit down to watch an episode. You’ve got the contrived love-triangles playing on a loop, crawling out of the woodwork one right after the other even when they’re not needed or are completely out of the blue. Right now we’re preparing for a near-identical reiteration of what we just had wrapped up.

The Bartons get wiped out one-by-one, leaving two survivors - the sons, Ross and Pete. Up next, we have the Whites getting wiped out one-by-one, leaving two survivors - the sons, Sebastian and Lachlan. (Only difference is they’re not brothers.) There’s even a car-crash in both! Who’d have thunk it? 

Of course there’s a chance that Rebecca might pull through and survive the White Massacre of ‘18, but it’s not looking likely if this storyline goes in the direction it’s so obviously pointing towards. (Unless she does a Chrissie and gets a new personality; guess we’ll have to wait on more spoilers to find out.)

There’s a good difference to the stories overall - one involved murder, the other will (likely) be a tragic accident - but the core layout is the same, and I personally don’t think they should air this storyline so soon after the Emma one due to that. Also, let’s not get me started on how they’ve really been overusing the death element lately. Depending on how soon they air the White storyline, we’ve literally just watched Finn and Emma die - twice in the latter’s case. 

I’ve mentioned in the past how they tier their characters, which definitely adds to the repetitiveness as you get the same core faces showing up. Bob is finally getting something to do, but it’s long overdue - then you’ve got characters like Sam, Lydia, Megan, the Sharmas (where’s Priya been lately?) etc. who just fade into the background and then you’re like “oh!” when they suddenly show up again. 

Mostly it’s the constant love-triangles and romance storylines going on at once that make the show seem too contrived, repetitive and unoriginal. Right now, all at once, you’ve got:

Chas/Paddy/Rhona

Alex/Aaron/Robert

Vanessa/Charity

Leyla/David/Tracy

Debbie/Tom

Harriet/Cain/Moira

That’s six romance plots at once, and four of them are love triangles. (Not to mention that I’m sure I’ve missed at least one.) I’m not saying they’re all bad on their own - Aaron/Alex is good once you kick Robert out of the picture, and Charity/Vanessa has been a thrill to watch after such a lack of wlw material on the show - but you don’t need that many central romance storylines going on at once. You certainly don’t need four love triangles happening in unison, like… holy shit?

But that’s enough about me and my burning hatred for love triangles/contrived romances, so we’ll move onto Maxine. Now… I won’t claim to know all of her episodes, but the ones I have seen of hers definitely point to her being a weak link. I know, for starters, that she’s responsible for a lot of Rbrn episodes, which is enough said really. But she also wrote last Thursday’s flashback episodes which were… god awful. I doubt the storyline overall was solely her doing, but she did a terrible job of executing it.

She also wrote two of SSW’s episodes (the 5th and the 6th I believe?) at the end of that week. The writing was incredibly flat in spite of the opportunities, and that right there is what I believe to be her weakness. Now I’m not saying I’m a good writer or anything - because trust me, I’m not - but I could definitely do better than she did with the opportunities/material she had. She’s also the one, going by those four episodes alone, who seems to struggle with keeping certain characters in line with their personalities. (Seemed pretty prominent in all of the Bartons imo.)

At any rate… I know I complain a lot, but not everything about Emmerdale is necessarily bad. They write some decent stuff occasionally, such as Rhona’s rape storyline, I love a lot of the actresses, and character relationships. There is some great visual execution sometimes, and a lot of opportunity/potential even if they do fail to utilize it 95% of the time. 

It’s just that the bad outweighs the good, and it’s particularly noticeable on this show of all shows. It annoys me, quite a lot, that these people are professional writers and yet a lot of the stuff they produce is still, well... a mess to put it slightly nicer than I originally did. But hopefully that answers your question, most likely in more detail than you’d have liked asdfghjk.

[kenzokuki]

Yes, Serendipity! Part 1

Because of the lack of a better title, I’ll just call it Yes, Serendipity!

So it has been over a week since I was in Japan for Cinderella Girls 5th LIVE TOUR Serendipity Parade!!! and up until the moment of writing this, I am still gathering my thoughts about the whole experience. Honestly, somehow it still feels very surreal to me and I still can’t believe I was there, on such a big venue to watch the Cinderella Girls perform live.

I will (probably) have too much to say and I want to write out properly instead of spamming my twitter with all the ramblings, so I thought that I should just write it out on one big post in my dead tumblr blog. I also thought that it’d be a pretty funny memory to look back to one day. A fair warning that this post is long, rambly, and likely full of grammatical mistakes so I apologize to whoever reads it in advance.

Before anything else, I want to start with an introduction about myself. Since I gained a few followers this month, I feel like this is a good time to know me a little bit better, how I became a Producer and ended up in CG5th, etc. I go by the name “chun” on the internet, and that’s the only name I’ve used ever since aside from my real name. I started following anime religiously back in 2012 when I started this anime blog though my interest at the time was nowhere near idols, if some of my old tumblr friends read this then they know what I was into back then. I did have a bit of interest in seiyuu back then though I didn’t follow them as seriously, seiyuu like Kondou Takashi, Sawashiro Miyuki, and Tsuda Kenjirou to name a few but my interest have now shifted to more female seiyuus like Sumipe, Matsueri, and Shimayuki. Contrary to what most people think, I haven’t been a Producer for a long time like most of the Ps that I have encountered, I’ve only been a fan for a little over a year and a half though I’ve been aware of iDOLM@STER ever since my young anime days but didn’t care about idols at all.

To be honest, like most “how I got into x series/franchise” stories go, I also never really saw myself getting into iDOLM@STER or any idol stuff in general until I got into Love Live. And yes, I was a huge Love Liver way before I became a Producer, just to get that out there. I’m going to skip the whole Love Liver part, but basically I finally took notice of iDOLM@STER in 2015 though I still couldn’t get into it back then because I was a filthy Love Liver (see this tweet). I even tried Deresute when it released but I was too deep into SIF that time so I just shrugged it off since I had my hands full with different mobage. It wasn’t until my friend convinced me to play Deresute again cause an Anya event was coming which is what got me to play Deresute continuously up until now. I’ll talk about how I became an AnyaP in a separate post when her birthday comes around, but basically he knew I liked Anya despite not being into CG at the time. So I picked up the game again and eventually it led to my fall to Deresute then ultimately to CG, this was also around Final Live so I guess it somehow came off as me being “traitor” to the other series, but thinking about it now I don’t really regret it.

I did try to actively support both series but I knew it was impossible for me to like both equally, eventually I would have lesser time for one series while I dedicate all my time to the other. Since I got interested into CG by the time µ’s was ending, it was also around the time when they started pushing so much Aqours stuff, I had to pick between getting into Aqours or diving deeper into CG. Naturally, it was an easy decision for me (nothing against Aqours, they are good but I couldn’t bring myself to like them fully as much as I did with µ’s). I guess you can say everything fell into place at the right time? It’s kind of silly actually, one of the main reasons I’m so deep into CG right now is all thanks to Love Live. Now that I think about it, I would often get into friendly arguments with the same friend who got me interested into CG about the usual LL vs. iM@S debate and it’s funny how I moved over to the other side now and he became an Aqours fan instead, how the tables have turned as they say. This is just one of the silly reasons why I got into CG though, one of the main hook that got me was the anime which then eventually got me interested in all the idols (and seiyuu).

I know a lot of people dislike DereAni because of the emotional baggage and unnecessary drama it brings, but I personally really loved it and up until now I still rewatch it and get the same feelings like when I watched it for the first time. Through the anime, I feel like I got to see another part of the idols’ lives, personalities, and feelings that I didn’t get to see in the games or any other media. Because of the anime, I feel like I got a bit closer to Anya and I got to know her more since there is barely translated content for the CG games and it’s not only Anya, the same applies for all the other idols too.

I eventually found myself replacing my entire playlist full of Love Live! songs to all Cinderella Girls. I still remember the first song that got me hooked on their music was Rin’s version of S(mile)ING!, I couldn’t stop looping it for a couple of weeks until I found another song to listen to which was Yuubae Present (still remains to be one of my favorite songs until now). Shortly after that I got into more of the anime songs and the rest was history.

Which leads me to getting to know the seiyuu of Cinderella Girls, I genuinely want to get to know them better through whatever content is out there. Since I’m considerably a new fan, there is so much content to catch up on and I feel like I’ll never get tired about getting to know all of their unique and colorful personalities. I know it’s not humanly possible for me to actively support them all, but I still try what I can to appreciate the things they do (be it solo work or for CG) and do little things like watching anime they’re in or simply sending tweets of support to them. At the very least, I know a little bit of basic stuff about all the CGs from names/nicknames, the characters they voice, etc. so that’s something.

And now I’ve covered most stuff about myself and how I became a P, I’ll now talk about what really made me want to go to CG5th. To be honest, it was a far-fetched dream that I never knew would become a reality. My CG5th plans were already in the works as early as November 2016, nothing was announced back then but my desire to go to a CG live was so strong at the time that I didn’t care about the circumstances and just “yolo’d” it. I’ve read all of the writeups, tweets from the kaigai Ps who went to CG4th, I’ve seen the drawings from some Japanese Ps, and the seiyuu pictures and tweets from 4th which all the more fueled my desire to go. Before anything else was announced, I talked with Oxide about which places and dates that we could most likely go to and I told him that Osaka or Tokyo around July was the best possible scenario for me so I was planning somewhere around that. Fast forward to January 2017 (or was it February) when they announced the locations, dates, and performers for the first 3 stops which ruined all the planning that I had in mind. There was no ideal scenario for me, Anya was in the Sendai stop and it was happening as early as the 2nd week of May which I 100% couldn’t go to due to it being thesis period. The next one was the Ishikawa stop which had a lot of personal favorites in it but I wasn’t sure if it was something that I REALLY wanted to fly for so I decided to wait it out, the same goes for the Osaka stop. By the way, I was only limited to go to 1 stop of the whole tour so I really had to choose wisely on which stop did I want to fly for.

Ultimately, I wanted to have the best CG live experience so I decided to go in blindly for the SSA stop. I knew I couldn’t do this half-heartedly, that’s why as early as February (only the dates for SSA was announced this time), I already booked my flights in order to fully commit myself to it. It was a moment of no turning back, I figured that no matter what kind of crazy cast they put out, I would still like it. Honestly didn’t expect the cast to be so crazy that it had over 60 performers for a 2-day live, so even though there was no ideal scenario for me, I feel like this god-tier cast was enough to compensate for that. I could talk more about my “road to SSA” experience, but this post has already gotten crazy long so I will cut it off here.

To conclude this post, I hope that whoever is reading this got to know me a little bit better and how I ended up to where I am now. The next post, I will talk more about the “road to SSA”, CG5th buppan, and up until Day 1 of SSA maybe.

[dragimalsdaydreams]

here it is, the payoff of a year’s worth of work! or an on-off year, at least– this was hardly a constant project. also, sorry this is so big! I’d recommend right click>view image to see this better

also this desc is super freakin long, so for anyone interested, the rest of my commentary is under the cut

it kills me that I wasn’t able to finish this for last year’s 4/13– I wanted so badly to dedicate this to Homestuck’s finale, but I grossly underestimated how much time I needed (just a couple weeks before the anniversary, Ashley? really??). despite this, I’m glad I was able to finish this piece without having to worry abt a time crunch

I’ve EASILY devoted more time and effort into this piece than ANY other piece of art in my life (and that includes full muscle/skeletal diagrams I’ve drawn for past Eclypse refs). it’s funny, I actually “started” this piece in 2012, when I first drew the rough sketch of my idea (obviously Alpha kids and Beforan trolls didn’t exist then, so I was planning to do a kinda “pre-game/post-game” symmetry haha LITTLE DID I KNOW). even at that time, I wanted to contribute something special to the HS fandom– something I’d never attempted for any other fandom then or since. however, I could tell my skill wasn’t developed enough to produce a decent piece (nor did I have the motivation to start a monster like this..), so I tucked that sketch away, hoping I’d return to it someday. I still don’t think I’m at a high enough skill level to give this tribute what it truly deserves (colors... are my death...), but I admit I’m oddly proud of this final product? it’s more than I could have accomplished in the past, that’s for sure (it’s so weird to see how much I’ve improved even comparing the basal sketch stages)

(and, as is tradition for me apparently, here are the other tributes I’ve done for past anniversaries: 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016)

sorry for sounding a lil’ sappy here (tho I’m sappy every 4/13 lmao), but Homestuck is so incredibly important to me. no other fandom has come CLOSE to what Homestuck has given me in terms of absurd (often sometimes embarrassing) shenanigans, close-knit fan communities, incredible fanworks, and countless other fandom elements. not to say that other media/fandoms haven’t contributed to my life in significant ways, or that other fandoms aren’t as good, but the HS fandom experience was (and is) so…. unique. there are certain events and situations that could only be experienced within Homestuck’s format, and would be difficult– if not impossible– to replicate in other types of media (or even other webcomics). and beyond that, I’ve dedicated such a significant amount of love and attention to this comic that no other fandoms in my life can rly compare

most fandoms fade over time and slip away from interest, but there are those golden few that clamp onto your heart and don’t let go. Homestuck is one of the few fandoms I can say with reasonable confidence I’ll always cherish, and I just want to thank Hussie and all the incredible artists, animators, musicians, programmers, etc. that have directly contributed to the experience. I think I speak for most when I say my feelings abt the end of HS were…. mixed, at best. but even the negative aspects do little to dampen my love for Homestuck as a whole– this story is just too MASSIVE to let one little ending ruin it! not to say the ending (or any of the comic) is beyond criticism, but the criticism doesn’t ruin the last several years of this fandom experience for me. if anything, that finale left me with a sense that this story isn’t truly over– that there are more loose ends to be tied and further plots unraveled. I’m not sure if that should be considered a good thing (once again, mixed feelings), but at least it works in the context of the upcoming game, haha. either way, reading-- and watching and playing-- Homestuck has been an incredible journey thus far, and I eagerly await the future Hiveswap will bring~

past all that SAPPY COMMENTARY, my main goal w/ this piece was to represent every single Homestuck character (as well as a few significant symbols/references in the comic). considering the nature of Homestuck’s ridiculous timeline, however, this is kind of impossible. thus, I gave myself a few rules for who was and wasn’t included:

- no duplicates. considering there are at least 8 versions of everyone, I absolutely needed this rule. there are obviously a few exceptions (such as Calliope/Callie Ohpeee, Caliborn/Lord English, etc.), though I felt I was justified in including their doubles. this rule honestly kills me a little because I REALLY wanted to include certain duplicates like Bro, Mom, and the Ancestors, but I couldn’t b/c of the next rule–

- if I include some of a group, I must include ALL of the group; IE- “symmetric” representation of all characters. if I were to include the Alternian Ancestors, I would feel obligated to include the Beforan Ancestors too, but there aren’t any canon designs for them, so that would be impossible. similarly, if I were to include the Beta (human, non-Dad) guardians, I’d feel the need to include the Alpha guardians too, who honestly felt less like “unique” characters to me than the Beta guardians did compared to their Alpha kid counterparts (though this could just be due to the fact that we were introduced to the Alphas as adults before the Alpha kids themselves). and even if I were to draw all the kid’s duplicate guardians, that would make me feel obligated to do all the troll’s Ancestors which, again, just wouldn’t work. this is also the reason why none of the Denizens were included, b/c we’ve only got a few of their canon designs (tho I’m considering including their underlings in the future, but I’m not 100% sold on the idea b/c, again, not all underlings are known)

- no “poly-characters”. essentially, no sprites. this prolly falls under “no duplicates”, though I personally consider characters like Davepetasprite^2, Jaspersprite, and even Davesprite unique characters in their own right. it’s just that sprites open up a whole new world of 100+ character possibilities, and I had to draw the line somewhere

- represent each character as their “essential” self. I tried to go for versions of each character that gave the "truest” impression of that character, if that makes sense? for example, I drew Terezi blind and Vriska w/ her robo-arm and blind eye b/c I feel these aspects are essential elements of their characters. Aradia, on the other hand, I drew pre-death, even though this doesn’t necessarily match the “timeline” for Terezi and Vriska’s injuries, b/c I feel that pre-death Aradia represents the “essential Aradia”

- keep overall “character themes” similar across the board. this could also be described by a few sub-points such as: “no god tiers,” “no dream selves,” and, “no alchemized outfits,” among others. I thought it would look oddly off-balance if, say, only some trolls were god-tier, or only one set of kids was wearing alchemized outfits rather than their original outfits. ~in general~ this resulted in drawing most characters as they first appeared in the comic, though there were obviously some exceptions. to return to Aradia’s example, I honestly think that godtier Aradia is the MOST “essential” Aradia of all of them, but the need to adhere to the “pre-game” theme of the rest of the beta trolls overrode that rule, so pre-death Aradia works just as well

[existentialspiral]

Classpect Analysis: Witch of Mind

DEFINITION: Mind, as an aspect, is one of the more literal aspects, having control over the realms of thought, logic, judgement, decision-making, memory, and more, possibly even including the senses and perception if that association is truly a part of the aspect and not related to its users specifically. Mind is one of the easiest aspects to define, having a user who remained within story and focus for the majority of Homestuck’s run, along with a defined opposite aspect and a failed auxiliary user on both sides of a Scratch. Terezi Pyrope, Seer of Mind, who exhibited the use of her aspect long before entering the Medium, is easily one of the best characters to use for analysis, having a long list of achievements and displayed skills related to her aspect. More specifically, in a roughly chronological order, Terezi was able to, using nothing but her mental abilities: dismantle entire teams of FLARPers through politics and head-games, avenga Aradia by proxy through manipulating Doc Scratch (a being approaching omniscience), exile several agents of Derse throughout her session, kill John Egbert, force Dave Strider to realize his actual standing with death, kill Vriska Serket (who, as both an active player and God Tier, was incomprehensibly more powerful than her), define a system of memory-based chronolocation, and was even able to, through less than 10 commands, use John Egbert to manipulate both the timeline and she herself into solving both the issues that resulted in Game Over and all of her personal and romantic problems. By contrast, the other Mind player/s, Latula Pyrope (Knight of Mind) and her post-Scratch counterpart Neophyte Redglare, are rather lackluster, displaying little skill as a Knight of Mind, with their only achievement (utilizing the Marquis Spinneret Mindfang’s underestimation of their threat) being marred by a remarkably shortsighted failure (putting a known mind-controller into a courtroom filled with hundreds of trolls who, as low-bloods, had no protection against mind control). The Witch class, meanwhile, is difficult to place; while it also has multiple users, with multiple displayed uses, none of them are so dramatically defined. The largest, most obvious display of a Witch’s power is that of Jade (Witch of Space) during [S] Cascade, where she uses her newly Ascended powers to manipulate the mass and volume of the player’s Lands and the Battlefield, compressing them into a size approximate to that of a baseball, before doing the same in reverse to a Fenestrated Wall, expanding it to the point that a full-size battleship could pass through it. However, after this event, Jade doesn’t give many expansive displays of power. Moreover, all of Jade’s actions after ascending to Dog Tier are suspect, because Jade has the powers of both a Sprite and a First Guardian as well as those of a Witch of Space, and identifying which powers are derived from which source is a matter of considerable, possibly insurmountable, difficulty. Meanwhile, Feferi Peixes (Witch of Life) gives little in the way of useful information; Feferi never Ascended in the Alpha timeline, and the power exhibited by her alternate ghost-self, that of resurrecting the Mayor, is mirrored by the power over life used by Jane Crocker, a Maid of Life. This might suggest that Witch and Maid are active/passive counterparts, something possibly reinforced by Damara (Witch of Time) and Aradia Megido (Maid of Time) being each other’s Dancestor, but it provides only a faint outline of ability. Damara herself, however, does provide some details across both sides of the Scratch; firstly, as Damara Megido the original, she was stated to have appeared throughout the timeline, sabotaging her session before vanishing away, allowing us to infer that she must have possessed a good degree of control over time travel, manipulating the timeline to suit her ends (in this case, forcing her team to Scratch their session). As well, Damara’s incarnation as the Handmaid also displays a significand degree of control over the timeline, traveling throughout the time stream to deliver whatever destruction or havoc is called for in order to bring about the summoning of Lord English; moreover, the Handmaid is also shown to be quite skilled with, “Clockwork Majykks,” manipulating the fabric of time as a weapon. It needs be noted, however, that this last ability is implied to be a gift from Lord English as well as an inherent ability, and so might not actually be connected to her; nevertheless, we shall assume that it is an intrinsic ability of hers, if only to draw some sort of conclusion to this subject. Now, comparing and contrasting the examples given, the one constant seems to be in the manipulation of the Witch’s aspect, the actual substance of the aspect being bent, shaped, and used as the Witch desires. As such, with full acknowledgement that the justifications here are… not the best… we shall define the Witch class as, “One who manipulates or shapes their aspect.” With all this taken together, Witch of Mind would therefore parse as, “One who manipulates logic, thought, or memory.” Mind players are usually adept at head games, but few of them can hold a candle to the Witch of Mind; manipulation, scheming, plans, gambits, forks, and psychology are the Witch’s bread and butter. A Witch that specializes in manipulating people into doing what she wants rather than actually using magic, I get the feeling there’s a Discworld reference in there somewhere; regardless, headolo- sorry, psychology and planning are all the Witch of Mind truly needs to do her job. She’ll play you like a fiddle and walk away while your life burns down, sell you back the shirt on your back, and make you want to ask forgiveness for bothering her when all is said and done; this is the girl we were warned about, and not a one of us listened. All we can do is watch as her house of cards falls down on us, with her watching from the outside, smiling and playing a fiddle. ABILITIES: The Witch of Mind is a manipulator, a controller, and a user; their job, put simply, is the Great Game of Politics and Princes. As both a highly active class, and one placed into a support aspect, the Witch of Mind is going to have a heavy chain of deals and agreements ahead of her, with a thousand alliances pulling in every direction. It is, then, a very good thing that she has the perfect toolkit for the task ahead. At lower levels, the Witch of Mind is one of the weaker classpects, having little-to-no direct combat ability, with her aspect being one of the worst for directly dealing with game-hazards such as imps and ogres. Instead, even at low-level, the Witch of Mind will find herself far more at home asleep, playing at politics on either Prosopit or Derse, using her own instinctive talents at social manipulation to play Agents against each other, resulting in a healthy harvest of Exiles. For more information, go and read either the Game of Thrones, Artemis Fowl, or Discworld series. Meanwhile, in the waking world, the Witch would most likely utilize a Specibus that would either compensate for or work around her general non-combat status, such as gunkind, or possibly puppetkind. Reaching God Tier is a major turning point for the Witch. Where before she was forced to act through indirect manipulation, such as convincing others to do her bidding, or to change their opinions, or what have you, now she is unshackled from the limits of others minds, allowing her to manipulate her aspect directly. Mind control, memory altering, brainwashing, possibly complex illusions, and more are well within her grasp, allowing her to take to the field in force, not merely as a warrior, but as a commander. Her enemies find themselves unable to remember why they ever wanted to oppose the Witch of Mind, and find themselves doing exactly what she wants. Foes like the Black Queen and her Agents would be less than stumbling blocks, either destroying themselves through infighting, or even acting “all according to plan.” At the highest levels of power, the Witch of Mind has full and total control over the minds of others, able to decide for then what they think, want, and remember. Mere mind control, such as that used by Vriska and Aranea, is beneath her; why should you waste time forcing others to do your bidding, when you can simply make them want to do what you wish? Indeed, at this level, the difference between, “manipulated foe,” and, “willing slave,” is barely even semantic, as she can so easily rewrite what others think to make them do what she desires. Any actual challenge to Skaia’s game is lost, as the Witch of Mind turns every ally of Derse into another minion of her own until even the fearsome Black King must Choose between abdication or annihilation, a Choice he would barely call a choice at all. Of course, the Witch of Mind is not perfect. Obviously, her abilities only affect those with a mind to manipulate; the power to rewrite memories and decisions is rather ineffective when faced with, say, a burning meteor approaching your position at terminal velocity. As well, there is the important consideration that, as stated before, the Witch of Mind is not suited to a main combat role; neither her class nor her aspect are particularly inclined to heavy fighting, and her actual suite of abilities are all indirect, relying on those under her command to do the actual work. As well, it also needs to be noted that, while her abilities are expansive, they probably aren’t that finely controlled; while still able to brainwash her foes with the rest of them, something like a Manchurian Candidate situation is likely beyond her ability, and her ability to manipulate memory could only go so far. As well, it needs to be specifically noted that, while thoughts, decisions, and memories are under the sway of the Mind aspect, emotions belong to Heart, Hope, and Rage, with Heart being in direct opposition to Mind, and so are immune to the Witch’s tampering; she can make a person decide to marry someone, and can make them remember being in love and feeling wonderful, but cannot actually make them feel love or joy. QUEST: Unfortunately, anything I might say on the Quest of a Witch, of Mind or otherwise, would be pure speculation; the only Quest we are shown of a Witch is that of Jade, Witch of Space, whose personal Quest was supplanted by that of Frog Breeding. Of the other Witches’ Quests, neither are shown, they having abandoned their Quests to either spend time with Sollux or to play Quisling to their own session’s efforts. However, simply saying, “There’s not enough for me to go on,” and leaving it at that would be boring, so I shall at least share my speculations on the quest that would be provided here. I would guess that the Quest of a Witch of Mind would have to do with not only mastering her abilities as a manipulator or thoughts and people, but also have much to do with growing as a person, and learning NOT to use her abilities out of convenience (once again, I find myself drawing parallels between the Witch of Mind and the witches of Discworld). As the Witch of Mind is built around manipulating people, it would make sense that her Land would have a large and well-developed society, one which rewards ambition and political ability (such as that of upperclass Ancient Rome or China). Her Quest would likely have to do with both learning to use her powers, working to manipulate her Consorts into handing her a position of power, while also demonstrating the dangers of abusing her powers. My own guess would be a literal Game of Thrones, with the Throne in question being much like Marvel’s Throne of Satan, where nobody is able to take the throne themselves, or else everyone else (and possibly her Denizen) would tear them apart. On this Quest, her quest to “Seat the Throne,” the Witch of Mind would have to learn both to manipulate the consorts into allowing her the throne, and also learn not to simply control them when allowing them their own decisions works better. The Lands for a Witch of Mind would most likely have something to do with the Mind aspect, such as Thought, Logic, Karma, Decisions, Gambits, or even Games. The other half of the name would likely have something to do with the personality of the Witch in question, her specific Quest, the counter-aspect to Mind, specifically Heart, or even something seemingly unrelated to her or her quest, at least until later diagnosed. Some examples include, corresponding to the possibilities above, the Land of Choice and Champaign, the Land of Patricians and Gambits, the Land of Reason and Emotion, and the Land of Midnight and Latin. VERDICT: The Witch of Mind is one of the best non-combat classpects, one which even becomes overwhelmingly useful at the later stages of the game, but is also one that takes time to grow into its role; much like a Magikarp is useless until Lv. 20, a Witch of Mind is going to start the game mostly unable to contribute to the most immediate of struggles, those being primarily combat related. However, while the Witch of Mind will have to rely on noncombat EXP to climb her Echeladder, the moment the game shifts focus to dealing with Derse and its Agents is the exact moment the Witch becomes your most useful teammate; Mind players in general are exceptionally well-equipped to handling the challenges of the Black Queen, but the Witch of Mind is the single best Classpect for dealing with the Dersite royalty, rivalled only by the Mage of Mind and, possibly, the Rogue of Blood or Bard of Blood. On the other hand, the Witch of Mind is, by definition, a manipulator, and manipulators want the world to go according to their desires, and tend to get nasty when things don’t go their way. As such, loyalty is going to be a major issue when a party comes with a Witch of Mind, along with all the other issues that arise when dealing with a team member with mental abilities. As well, on that front, I find it most wise to paraphrase a quote whose source I cannot find at this moment: “It’s fine to have a telepath on the team, just make sure she’s saying, ‘I trust you,’ not, ‘you trust me.’” Maintaining a team with a Witch of Mind is a risky proposition, one which requires teammates who are fully able to deal with someone who, at their worst, could simply make you her thought slave. The aspects of Blood, Breath, Heart, or Rage will be your best choices, filtered through classes such as Mage, Knight, Heir, Bard, or even Lord; anyone who could truly provide some direction to the team and maintain focus on their goals, while also mediating between teammates, would be a mind-saver. As well, if the absolute worst should come to pass, the only possible defense would be in a Classpect with both impossible resistance to mental manipulation and unstoppable power, such as a Knight, Page, Bard, Prince, or Lord of Heart or Rage; it would take what are some of the most dangerous classpects possible to fight off a rogue Witch of Mind. As for synergizing classpects, the Witch of Mind is a controller, not a fighter, so a Knight of most any aspect would provide a very welcome defense, especially a Knight of Rage, and a Bard of Hope, Rage, Light, Life, or Doom would be a useful addition when managing a mind-slave army. As well, if you are insane enough to risk having two of the most dangerous possible classpects on a team, pairing a Witch of Mind and a Page of Rage makes for one of the most impossibly dangerous combinations possible, something verging on unstoppable. On the whole, a high-level Witch of Mind is a very risky player, where her only practical counters are all significantly more dangerous than she is if they were to go astray; however, a Witch of Mind who maintains both loyalty to the team and a proper sense of right and wrong is a player who could single-handedly beat the Black Queen, and possibly even upend the Black King by herself. While not the most powerful player, it is difficult to find one who could accomplish more than her.