#if i upset anyone with this i apologize
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this is so real oak
#mild prisoners throne spoilers ig???#I thought it wasn’t enough to do read more or whatever I apologize 😭#I’m so sorry if I upset anyone#tfota#the stolen heir#the prisoners throne#tcp#twk#tqon
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AN IMPORTANT NOTE ON MY BLOGS CONTENT: as i would like people to feel safe following me, & seeing me on their dashes. i will NOT be reblogging any excessive gore scenes from the movie. you will only be seeing cute ( ? ) fanart & the likes from me. i don't feel comfortable potentially upsetting anyone by reblogging excessive gore, so all 'gore' content on this blog will be kept to strictly writing only.
#ℕ𝕆 𝕆ℕ𝔼 𝕄𝔸𝕂𝔼𝕊 𝕀𝕋 𝕆𝕌𝕋 𝔸𝕃𝕀𝕍𝔼 / out of character.#important psa.#i'm just not comfortable being potentially upsetting to anyone#so my blogs contents will only be fanart of art; no gore scenes from the movie#i apologize if that makes anyone disappointed thinking i would be a hardcore blog but#i'm just not interested in making people upset
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Since the very first book, Kaitlyn’s always been kind of a wild card, but this, I think, is the exact moment her character took a turn for the worse and never recovered.
The gang puts up flyers all around campus for Kaitlyn’s band performances, cheers her on and encourages her when she performs for the first time, the MC helps her reinvent herself with a makeover to boost her confidence, and the gang all goes out of their way to attend Kaitlyn’s band performances even though Natasha and Rachel openly and repeatedly treat them badly just to support their friend.
But then the MC gets knocked down in the mosh pit, Zig leaps to her defense, and then violence erupts all around her and the rest of the gang, through no fault of her own. And what’s Kaitlyn’s first concern after things get violent? Not the safety of the MC or her other friends, but the fact that her band might get blacklisted from the venue because of the fighting.
And then, she even goes so far as to accuse the MC of egging Zig on to get back at her because of the fight she and Abbie had…the fight that stemmed from Kaitlyn’s lack of receptiveness to the concerns Abbie expressed about her skipping classes after late nights with her band.
But somehow…the MC has never been interested in supporting her with the band. Right.
There are definitely worse characters out there…but shit, Kaitlyn grinds my gears like you wouldn’t believe.
#two characters I could write entire essays about#Kaitlyn Liao and Maxwell Beaumont#they both aggravate the absolute shit out of me#Maxwell started out really good and then the writers ruined him after trr 1 then BUTCHERED him in TRH forward#Kaitlyn was immature from the start though she wasn’t as bad as she became later on#^^^adding onto this rq I just remembered how poorly she reacted if you reject her attempt at kissing you at her birthday outing#THAT was pretty bad#I wanted to like her back in the day but after how she acted in TF book 3 I never got over how badly she treated her friends#but anyway yes here I have gone once again on another anti Kaitlyn spiel#apologies if this annoys or upsets anyone#anti Kaitlyn Liao#choices stories you play#playchoices#choices stories we play#pixelberry#pixelberry studios#playchoices fandom#choices stories you play fandom#choices stories we play fandom#choices the freshman#choices tf#choices tfs#the freshman#the freshman series#Kaitlyn Liao
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@sockdooe I first encountered this supposed explanation in the comments section of a fanfiction, so it is to be taken with a grain of salt, but I read that Shiro's design was primarily based on what the showrunners thought "looked cool". This includes the prosthetic grafted onto his person by his captors, the scar across his face, and the shock of white fringe in his otherwise naturally dark hair. And, I won't lie, his design serves its purpose. Shiro immediately draws the eye, and not just because of his usual placement front and center in the standard team line up.
It's reasonable for the sort of space soldier, G.I. Joe type of character the staff intended Shiro to be to have these sorts of physical characteristics.
It's also completely reasonable in a Sci-Fi/Action show for a villain as menacing and ruthless as Sendak to have a similarly distinct, eye-catching design. Such features as a sinister, gleaming, red bionic eye, and massive prosthetic arm powered by a core of glowing, magical electric energy pulsing in a line from shoulder to forearm stand out, are easily memorable, and make him instantly recognizable as a really Bad Guy.
The idea of Shiro being a sort of "light, heroic mirror" to Sendak, which the show introduced and continued to attempt to enforce all the way up to Sendak's death, sits incredibly uneasily with me, however. As I've made explicit several times, before.
Content Warning for discussion of sexual assault/rape.
We're shown the recurrent imagery of Sendak looming over and behind an incapacitated Shiro.
Shiro's instinctive response to seeing Sendak heading toward him is to back away out of fear before steeling himself and resolving to fight, if only to protect the Castle and an unconscious Lance.
The very first thing that Shiro says to Sendak is, "You're not getting in", to which Sendak replies, "Yes. I am".
Coran suggests that the Galra might keep him and Hunk as, "some sort of creepy pet to play with how they please", in an appeal to Shay and Rax for assistance concealing their presence on the Balmera.
There's genuine contempt in Shiro's voice when he asks Sendak, "What do you want?", prior to his torture at Sendak's hands.
Sendak delivers a stomach-churning gloating little speech after torturing Shiro via electric shock.
And, Rolo refers to Sendak as a, "real nasty bugger", a term that has an exceptionally crude colloquial meaning.
Now, maybe I'm a cynical weirdo who is reading far too deeply into this, and connecting dots that aren't there. But...
Shiro bears a much stronger resemblance to Berserk's Guts than the Takashi Shirogane from the original Go Lion! that he's named after. Guts is a famous survivor of childhood sexual abuse, having been sold by his adoptive father and purchased for use as a sex slave by an ugly hulking pederast.
There were obvious Neon Genesis Evangelion fans working on this show, and Rei Ayanami, the character that Shiro's story seems to reference with the sheer excess of clones created using his DNA, is also a victim of sexual abuse.
(There's even, arguably, influence taken from The Legend of the Blue Wolves, a relatively obscure yaoi OVA largely set at a military facility which trains soldiers and pilots for combat missions in deep space. It features an extended scene with a virtual flight simulator, and one of the two male leads is-- wouldn't you know it? Raped by an ugly hulking monster.)
Correlation does not imply causation, and perhaps the similarities are entirely superficial, and we're not meant to think too hard about them.
Yet, with the amount of scrutiny that a series as utterly wholesome and innocuous as Bluey is constantly under, I cannot buy for a minute that a series Netflix gave a TV Y7 rating to didn't undergo some level of screening to ensure that its content was appropriate for the intended child audience. Someone had to have asked the staff if bugger was the term they meant to use, aware of the disturbing, far less than child-friendly implications, and was met with a resounding confirmation.
Beyond that, extended proximity to even an imprisoned and inanimate Sendak sends Shiro spiraling into a psychological break down.
Shiro's intensely traumatic experiences in captivity, which his brain seems to have largely repressed in order to protect him ("It's all a blur.") would, by themselves, be enough to convince him that he's been broken and reshaped into something monstrous. His bodily autonomy was, unquestionably, brutally violated, and his innately altruistic, self-sacrificing nature was violently challenged when he was forced to kill or be killed for his captors' entertainment. His right arm was taken from him and replaced with a weapon, and he has the blood of who knows just how many innocents on his hands. He was, indeed, broken down in an attempt to reform him into the Galra Empire's "greatest weapon", and likely very much wars with himself over what he had to do to ensure his own survival, believing himself to be a monster.
What really stands out to me, though, is that this intense, primal terror and the accompanying feelings of "brokenness" and "monstrousness" only surface around Sendak. Despite also being associated with and direct causes of his trauma, neither Haggar nor Zarkon rattle Shiro to his core the way Sendak does.
Neither of them are insistent on drilling into Shiro's head how "broken" he supposedly is, as Sendak is shown doing over and over again. Including taunting Shiro over the non-consensual modifications to his body.
Harboring a deep sense of shame, and viewing themselves as something dirty, ugly, disgusting, broken, or even monstrous is an experience common among survivors of sexual abuse.
Having Shiro's physical condition repeatedly mirror his personal tormentor's would be sick and twisted enough.
Adding the context of rape or sexual abuse to Shiro's torment makes the creative decision to intentionally model his arm after his abuser's outright sadistic.
No one deserves to have a constant physical reminder of their abuser and rapist permanently attached to their person. And, attempting to paint Shiro as a "heroic mirror" to Sendak fails entirely when Shiro doesn't so much as get to best Sendak in combat once.
All of the points you've raised about the function and structure of prosthetics are amazing, informative, and highly appreciated. (The comment about Shiro's abominable floating arm looking like it wouldn't be able to support the weight of a grocery bag makes me laugh.) Sadly, there's a faction of the fanbase who are all too quick to fetishize that arm, like everything else surface-level about Shiro. I've seen a number of fics where its ability to be propelled a great distance with a single thought is used to pleasure a partner while Shiro, himself, is in a different room, where the arm is equipped with a vibrating function for use as a sex toy, and, of course, where the thickness of its fingers is sexualized for... the same reason the bulge in the crotch of Shiro's pants is.
(I beg this fandom to stop reducing this man to a seme stereotype because of his physical build and height. Nothing in his personality suggests that he would be anything even approximating that cursed archetype. Let him be a pillow princess, for God's sake, like he deserves.)
This reply took me forever, and I am sincerely sorry about that. I hope you find something worthwhile in this haphazard collection of thoughts.
And, "Sendick" is how I'm going to be mentally referring to that creep from now on.
#Correspondence.#sockdooe#Takashi Shirogane#Shiro#You're nothingness but shining and everywhere at once.#Sendak#Voltron: Legendary Defender#Meta.#VLD Meta.#All I want is to fly with queue.#I want to apologize again for this response taking me so long to get out.#The topic of Shiro and Sendak and the VLD showrunners' attempts to keep turning Shiro into some sort of heroic 'mirror' of him disgusts and#infuriates me.#It brings up a lot of thoughts and I wanted to do something with them.#I hope you don't mind and I hope this analysis wasn't too upsetting for anyone.#The last thing I want to do is upset someone. :(
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I never needed such help / This is my SOS
(Content warning: self harm) (If you don't have a problem with that, huge Drillman essay under the read more lol)
When I said that I wanted to draw Drillman some more, this really wasn't what I had in mind.
This week, I've been shopping for music on various second hand sites, which made me realize I don't physically own one of my all time favorite albums: "Squaring The Circle" by Sneaker Pimps. I had to change that immediately. (As well as buying like 15 other CDs and vinyls, lol.) As I was listening to it once again, I realized just how much the song "SOS" reminded me of Drillman and his struggles.
If you don't want to look it up, here are some of the lyrics:
"I look much smaller seen from inside out/Far too small to see myself/Down on reflection, cast in hate and in doubt/Flawed and flaws I add myself"
"Oh mirror mirror hanging on the wall/Please just show me someone else/My hopes were low and I got so much so less/Nothing left to save myself"
Listen, this dude got some major problems with his self esteem. He feels like an embarrassment because he was forced into a life he never wanted by his father. Now he seeks revenge on the company that bought his families business, along with him and apparently his bodily autonomy. Think about that for a minute. How fucked would it be if your parents wanted you to be a doctor, but a requirement for that would be to have your hand surgically removed and replaced with a scalpel. That's the exact situation Drillman found himself in.
Now a lot of people probably think "Well why doesn't he just ask Dr. Light to give him a new pair of hands then, if he's this miserable?" This is where we get to one of Drillmans biggest problems: the refusal to ask for help in any way. And even after the finale of the season, why would he go to the Lights for help in the first place? Wasn't it Aki who thought the best way to help him through his problems was hypnotism? And in the process embarrassing him in front of the whole city, ruining the last bit of reputation he may have had? (For real though, that episode is so hard for me to watch. I just feel so so bad for him, since I really struggle with social anxiety myself.)
As the guys from the Youtube channel "The D-Pad" (who reviewed all of the MMFC episodes) fittingly commented: "This would be like fucking Vietnam for him." And they were right. Obviously, Drillman is horrified that Aki would humiliate him like this and lashes out, solidifying his opinion that asking for help is a bad idea.
In that episode, there's this one moment that really stuck with me. At around the 8 minute mark, while Drillman is having a breakdown over the terrible "music" Aki made him perform, there's this one shot where he takes a moment to look at the drills that replaced his hands in frustration. The camera perspective makes it seem as if we are experiencing this brief scene through his eyes. It's actually quite upsetting. (A link to the moment I'm talking about: youtu.be/OC_jdhoeTrE?si=ZPzAXu…)
This is also a perfect moment for me to gush over the voice acting for this scene. Andrew McNee did such a fantastic job of conveying Drillmans distress and anger through his voice. That reminds me, giving him a British accent was honestly such a good decision.
The reason he doesn't talk at all throughout most of his first appearance is probably because the writers wanted to surprise their audience a little. As in, you see this big, imposing construction robot and think "Oh man, what a brute. He probably has a pretty deep voice." And then he actually starts to speak and it's this sophisticated, well-articulated British voice instead. Quite the whiplash.
To get back to the original topic, I'm honestly still upset that they didn't give Drillman a redemption arc at the end of the show. This probably would have happened in season 2, as Mega Man even says at some point "I know deep down your inner bits are good", proving to me that the writers definitely had something in mind regarding Drillmans character arc.
And now that all of that is out of the way, we can finally get into headcanon territory.
You might have seen this image while browsing the tags and asked yourself, "Why is this Mega Man Fully Charged artwork littered with content warnings?" And well, now that you're here and reading this, you probably know why. I can't say I've ever made myself sick with a drawing before. That's a first for me.
My headcanon is, that after the finale of the show, Drillman is just utterly lost. Lord Obsidian, who sought him out specifically because he knew of Drillmans problems and offered him a place to stay and a way to get revenge on the people he thought responsible for his predicament, turned out to be a horribly racist human who was just using him to achieve his own devious goals. After getting his ass kicked by the Lights, the same people who had not only humiliated him in front of the whole city, but who had also left him stuck to his abusive father for an entire day (I bet that ride to the police station was horrible for all the people involved, most of all the police bots who had to hear the Drillmen yell at each other the whole time), Sgt. Night is detained by the police. We don't actually see what happens after that, because that's where the show ends.
I'd like to think that the Lights actually try to talk to the robot masters once everything is over, telling them all the horrible things their so-called "leader" has said and done. And most importantly, what he thinks of robots: That they're nothing but tools to him. That once they had gotten him his Mega key, he would have wiped their minds and turned them into mindless machines.
I'm guessing none of the robot masters would take these news well, but most of all Drillman. I think that after he ran away from Skyraisers Inc. and fought Mega Man for the first time, he was really relieved to have some place to stay and a new goal, maybe even a robot to look up to. That being Lord Obsidian of course. Who knows what lies he told Drillman and the others? Kinda sad that we never really got to see what the robot masters who stayed with Lord Obsidian did the entire day. When they weren't causing havoc in the city, that is.
None of them seemed really friendly with each other in the finale, now that I think about it. I guess "Obsidians robot sanctuary" wasn't really a great place to stay at after all. But still better than being homeless, like that one maniac living in the forest all by himself. Speaking of Woodman, in my AU, he and Drillman already knew each other at this point. This also reminds me of something I forgot to mention in my last post. While I'd love to see them interact in any way, because they're both my favorite characters, I don't ship them in any way whatsoever. I'd also like to think that Woodman and Drillmans father were schoolmates back in the day, maybe even friends? (I'm still holding onto those 30 years).
Anyway, after all the former robot comrades part ways, now without a leader, what was Drillman supposed to do? Once again betrayed by a trusted figure, feeling useless and without purpose, still with these stupid drills mounted to his body... Still too ashamed to ask for help. After all that has happened in the past few hours he begins spiraling, which ultimately leads him to make a very unfortunate decision. Trying to get at least some of the freedom in his life back, he attempts to get rid of the drills making up his body on his own, using the same tools that have haunted him all this time to finally rid himself of this burden.
He regrets this just seconds after, when he's left with an unresponsive limb, metal and wires exposed and oil splattered all over his orange plating. All he can do is stare at the stained drill in front of him in horror.
"I never needed such help/This is my SOS"
Jesus Christ that got dark. Sorry. I mentioned in my last post that Drillman possibly has really bad body dysmorphia, which I'm also trying to convey here. Don't worry, he really gets his hands back after this. Maybe the Lights find him after that and the good Doctor offers to fix him up. By which I mean not only his arm. Because apparently, Dr. Light also doubles as robot psychologist. I just really need Drillman to get his happy ending. He really really deserves it after everything he had to go trough over the course of the show.
I also need him to have a DJing redemption, besides the normal redemption. I've seen people headcanon that he exclusively likes classical music, but I personally don't believe that. He'd be the kind of music nerd who would say stuff like "I listen to everything" and then you look at his playlists and he actually listens to everything. Maybe not experimental noise rock, though. I can just imagine Aki and Suna helping him put on an actual show, this time without any hypnotizing bullshit, as a way for Aki to apologize for the dread he's caused Drillman during that incident. Drillman would be highly suspicious at first, but actually goes along with it in the end. Maybe they'd also take Fireman along, who Dr. Light also blessed with a brand new pair of hands. The punchline at the end would be that Drillman would have so much anxiety about embarrassing himself again, that he forgets to make an actual set list for the gig. In the end, he exclusively plays Lady Gaga songs, which no one complains about.
Alright then, enough yapping from me. I've really been writing this essay since 8pm. And now it's 2am. My god. I just have a lot of feelings about Drillman.
But now I really gotta go to bed. Stay safe peeps. I hope you actually read the content warnings. Jenny out.
#oh man i would like to formally apologize for this#just throwing my favorite blorbo into the shredder over here#if anyone needs me to add any other content or trigger warnings please please tell me i really dont wanna upset anyone with this#megaman#mega man#mega man fully charged#mmfc#drillman#drill man#self harm tw#its robot sh but juuuust in case yknow#robot gore tw
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I kinda feel like the Ross & Rachel comparison is waaaay off. Colin & Pen are not in an established romantic relationship. They are just friends. I feel like people are focusing way too much on the act itself and not in the grander scheme of things as to why this makes sense for Colin as a character.
Lord Debling is titled with his own money. Penelope is a third daughter who’s been considered a wallflower. Debling is a HUGE upgrade for her. Probably a better match then either Colin or Pen thought possible.
Colin is a third son with no title and so little to offer in comparison. I don’t think he goes off bc he’s sad & desperate. I think he genuinely struggling with being enough and if what he can offer her is worth ruining such a good match for her.
The fact is we know sooooo little about what happens before or after that scene that everyone is so panicked over. All I know is someone that I trust that I know has seen the show has told me that this is the best season and that they deliver on the Polin front. So I think hyper fixating on a scene that last 90 seconds is completely missing the point 
You make very valid points Ali! I think everyone does get too worked up (myself included) and it’s easy to get caught up in the hype of it all, especially when people are talking about it and panicking over it non stop 😭 I trust that even if it is only 90 seconds it’ll all work itself out like the other seasons have.
But yeah, we know so little about Debling and overall the entire specifics of the season that none of us should be freaking out as much as we are. I feel the same about people who are Debling haters when we know next to nothing about him other than he’s a vegetarian and a suitor.
#I’m going to not talk about it anymore bc it does nothing for myself or for anyone else#just gets people worked up so I apologize if I did make anyone upset or stressed 😭#I just wanted to vent my feelings about certain points if they were true#bridgerton#polin#bridgerton s3#bridgerton season 3#ask#answer
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Aka being a wolf made Twilight colorblind.
I know the poll has like. Half a day to go still. But Colorblind Twilight was winning and I needed to write something dumb immediately or I would perish. If I wake up tomorrow and Tall Four ends up winning I guess I’ll just have to write more dumb stuff :P
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#lu twilight#lu four#crack fic#ao3#linked universe fanfic#I apologize for the lack of research hopefully this isn’t upsetting to anyone
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This is not directed at anyone specific, just a general statement: I will not answer any more thirsts regarding dom or top characters. Period.
I love the concept of a character trying to top/dom someone and ending up as the bottom/sub, but anything more than that doesn't appeal to me at all. And I'd like to prevent my inbox from filling up with things that make me a little uneasy before it gets to a really bad point.
Thank you for understanding ❤️
#author's musings#seeing dom/top content out of the blue is actually pretty upsetting for me#so i try to avoid it like the plague#it's very different from me writing a sub reader fic where I'm in control of the scenario#this isn't a big deal that anyone needs to apologize for btw#i just wanted to nip this in the bud :)
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MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!
grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.
#ramblez#little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao#this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it#hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD#hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions#it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting#But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent#dw Im not going anywhere <3#also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently#old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD#also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns#he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs#and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get#and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they#dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves#to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent#mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did#so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!
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Oh. Thats a friend group of mine making a whole ass new group chat without me in it. Okay cool. Love that.
#we had one but they went silent#one person said they were upset with me bc I had ‘ditched them for my new friends’#which. I don’t have any new friends. I’ve been trying to keep in contact with them but get hardly any response.#tried to apologize and say I’d ’do better’#but am still getting little to no response#and. one girl sent me a screenshot with the fb group icon in the corner#and it was everyone except me#which. lovely.#and they’re acting like my life has been amazing and wonderful#when it’s been one thing after another with the move my friend dying and a bunch of other shit#so yeah sorry I’m a bit absent a lot is going on#and I feel like they think im lying to them or making it up#like. idk what to do anymore#this isn’t about anyone here btw#btw the person who sent the screenshot didn’t send it to be mean she was showing me something she was going for#and I pretended I didn’t see it and just acted happy for her#now I’m not even gonna bring up my stuff to these people at all#idk man#this just hurts
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Constantly upset by the inability to freely talk about the DSMP in other spaces. I get why, I 100% understand why it makes people uncomfortable and I'm not saying this has to change. It just like. I dunno it sucks cause I'll have a really interesting take in comparing a character from MCD to a character in the DSMP, and then nothing to do with it. I get not wanting to talk about that and all of the baggage that comes with still loving the DSMP to this day, trust me I do, but there's just something there.
Something they have in common that matters and yes it's that they're both mediocrely written Minecraft Roleplays. The way that the characters in MyStreet aren't their voice actors but they totally are in the same way that DSMP characters are separate from their CC but also intrinsically attached to them.
I can't find coherent words to describe this entirely, there's just something special these stories have in common and I think there's a lot of value in comparing them. I'm just like. Scared to go into it. Because the DSMP is a sore spot for a lot of people, I know the Aphmau to DSMP back to Aphmau pipeline is 100% real, I went through it more than once (somehow). But digging into both of these flawed series and observing them at their on level, on their terms, and comparing them to each other seems like something that would be really fun.
#dsmp mention#in case that bothers anyone#i will still be putting the aphblr tag on this to see if it is a shared sentiment#apologies if that upsets you#aphblr#xer's rambles#clearing out my drafts#honestly people are way more chill abt it than I anticipated#probably because of tag filtering if we're honest#but I have been in aphmau community spaces that strictly dont allow dsmp to be brought up#which is what originally prompted me to write this however long ago I wrote kt#dsmp
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what if i started posting my other fandoms and my ocs even more
#a talking bunny#i admit i dont have many thoughts abt dca or fnaf rn#i still love the dca but. fnaf is kind of smth im starting to fall out of love with#its just getting more and more cliche and confusing and i dont like what we know abt the secret of the mimic#and i have a lot of complicated (/neg) feelings on the dca fandom too that i wont get into publicly#idk. will i leave the fandom? maybe who knows- as of right now i'm not leaving (i've been stepped back for a long time though)#but in the future? possibly ive thought abt it a lot#why stay somewhere if its not bringing you joy and just upsetting you more than anything else. yknow??#food for thought i suppose#apologies for the rambling tags!! ty for reading to anyone that did read all of these
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Okay so I did not get your input before doing it, and that could have been insensitive. I will talk to you about it now! lol
So I plan to countdown until his enlistment date, and then on enlistment date we'll start the countdown til he comes back! Once his enlistment starts, the "happy -day ♡" will start again as well.
I also planned to post any relevant and officially released info from/about him while he's serving. I won't be posting anything anyone goes out of their way to sneakily get (photos invading privacy, guys he's serving with leaking info, etc).
If this is bothering you now, or will bother you, please let me know! I want everyone to feel comfortable and not triggered on my blog. ♡
You can reply here or send a message or an ask or an anon ask. Whichever you find most comfortable. Thanks y'all!
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I HAD A REVELATION
okay so I was thinking about gender. My gender. And my feelings about being a cis girl over time.
When I was little I used to wear all kinds of dresses and wore nail polish and even occasionally makeup (but like. Sloppily as a 7 year old would lol) and how overtime I stopped wearing nail polish and stopped wearing dresses and despised make up. I dont really remeber why I stopped with nail polish. Maybe because it flaked off too easily or maybe I was sick of the few colors we had idk. I know I gradually stopped wearing dresses and night gowns because I was sick of being told I couldnt "put my legs up [up against the wall or just straight up in the air] or that I had to sit a certain way while wearing one. So I wore more and more pants.
I think about how i used to stand in the toys aisles while my mom did grocery shopping and look at "The Boys" section and think how much cooler it was than the girls section.
And I think about how my music teacher told us one day we'd hit puberty and we'd grow and us girls would be like "[in a high pitched voice] OH MY GOSH I LOVE BOYS AND DID YOU HEAR ABOUT SO AND SO" and I looked over at my classmates and friends to see if they were also terrified of becoming annoying teenage boy-obsessed girls.
And i think about how when I was at my friend's house and we were building "tree forts" in the woods i would wish I had a penis for the convenience of being able to just go pee behind a tree, because squatting near the ground was Not Fun and I hated walking all the way back to the house. And I think about how I hated that I'd have to wear a bra once my boobs started to come in
Now you might be thinking. Friend I think you want[ed] to be a boy. But the thing is, i dont.
I may have hated being restricted in dresses but I dont actually hate them. I've gotten a couple dresses in the last 10 years (for prom and graduation and a [not my] wedding) and how I actually did like how I looked in them and enjoyed wearing them for that time.
I think about how I was jealous of the boys selection of toys, but also how I had a ton of barbies that I massively enjoyed and how if I'd been a boy I probably wouldnt have been able to enjoy them (thanks to pressure from society) as well as a bunch of other "girly" items and shows and movies. I think about how I'm actually Asexual and that I wasnt scared of becoming "a young woman", I just didnt understand the obsession with sex/romance/boyfriend&girlfriend stuff.
And while having a penis is more convenient for peeing I also remeber thinking that it would suck to get kicked in the balls and/or that trope of falling on soemthign between your legs that happens in so many movies (not that it feels any better with a vagina honestly). And that if I had been born a boy I'd most likely have to deal with all the toxic masculinity forced on me, and I'm glad I dont have to deal with that.
And while me and my boobs dont always get along, I remember that after getting my first cute bra, I thought. Oh well maybe this isnt so bad. And I mostly wear sports bras now because I do wish they were smaller and I HATE that so many bras (EVEN THE SPORTS BRAS) are already padded into cup shapes, and while I don't mind Having Boobs, i Do Not want to show them off. And sometimes i think that maybe i wouldn't mind chopping them off, but then i think how my figure/outline/silhouette would look with out them, and that seems worse.
And i think about the times I've accidentally been called "Sir" from tired fast food employees when wearing gender nonspecific clothing and felt happy about it. But not "oh it feels right to be called sir/he/him" , but more of "hehe I fooled you! You thought this was a dress but its pants!"
And really this is all to say. I was born a girl and grew up that way so it's what I'm used to. If I'd been born with a dick then I guess I'd be a guy. If you magically stuck me in a male body right now, would I feel like a Guy or feel like a girl in a guys body? I honestly dont know. So am I non binary? Maybe that that doesnt quite feel right either.
Being a girl is what I've grown up as and into, and it's what I'm used to and going by anything else is… odd. Maybe itd be better and maybe it wouldnt. It's like an old blanket. You've had it forever and maybe its frayed and patched maybe a little too small and it's not what people expect you to have for a blanket, and maybe you could do with a new one. But nothing feels right with out it. No other blanket feels the same. It's what you're used to and its familar. It's a comfort blanket.
And that's why being a [cis] girl is my comfort gender.
#Sorry that got LONG#This is a very personal post and I dont mind it being reblogged if anyone wants to#But dont be weird about it please. Dont tell me I'm an egg or actually trans or nb. Cause I'm not#*points at post* I'm a girl. It's my comfort gender :)#(edit: I don't mind if the 'wrong' pronouns get used. Like if someone uses he or they for me I'm not gonna be upset#I more just dont want labels put on my gender besides cis or comfort gender )#Man I need that post where it's like so many asexual people are removed from gender. Cause yeah that kinda fits#Maybe I'm agender or soemthing. But mostly I'm Chill With Being A Girl#Also feel free to also totally ignore this post#I'm just rambling about thoughts#Gender identity#Comfort gender#Its after midnight so I apologize if none of this makes sense or like. There are unfinished thoughts lol
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again, if someone speaking on and coming to terms with things they experienced upsets you, stop tuning in, do some of your own inner work, realize that not everything is about you, and certainly someone else's growth is not your problem.
#no one is communicating with anyone#but me to myself.#because as upsetting as it may be to some people#i am allowed to process and talk about things that i went through#things that were said to me#things that i let happen even though i knew they were detrimental and have since allowed myself to work on#being an adult is really relieving once you allow yourself to do so#and realize that actually no one else matters and you dont have to burry yourself for others#and if the content is upsetting#by all means please walk away and leave it be like you keeo saying you will#its been over for me for a while and i am allowed to let myself open it up and work through what i have previously been neglecting to keep#your image in tact#when it finally clicks for me what people were telling me was really happening i will have mg epiphany moments and i will not apologize
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Sorry for having bad takes about Dazai and a complete lack of understanding of his character 😔 It will happen again
#Pfftt I woke up to a weird string of reactions to my Dazai post.#I apologize if something I said resulted upsetting for anyone. Please be patient#That said really don't come to me for good takes you'll be let down#random rambles
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