#if i strain myself on a run i often get them

[rapidhighway]

My guy if you have a sudden foot/calf cramp you gotta stretch that leg immediately it will go away very quickly. Put the front of your foot against something and push your heel down. Do this:

on anything, you could even just lean forward and grab your toes and pull them up. Hold for a few moments, it can come back if you let go too soon. It's hard to do through pain sometimes but it really works and you gotta try.

If you get cramps like this in the middle of the night, the best way i know is to lay on your stomach and put your toes on your bedframe and push your heel down like the picture

[mycological-mariner]

“Nobody told me I’d be seeing UV breasts when I signed up for this shift” — sentences I didn’t think I’d be saying yet here we are

[paranoiddreams]

Beware ೀ (HC)

‹𝟹 Stoner!Sukuna x GN!reader

‹𝟹 Warnings!! - THIS IS PURELY FANTASY!!, non-con, drugging, marijuana use, pls do not read if any of these topics trigger you!!, unprotected sex, pervy dirty nasty thoughts😔, mentions of masterbation (m), mentions of creampies :3, Sukuna is messed up, I tried to make it as gender neutral as possible but if it comes off more fem I’m srry, porn a little plot?, just filth as usual *sigh*, a random Ethel Cain ref (Gibson Girl) bc I can’t help myself, lmk if I missed anything<3

‹𝟹 A/n!! - once again, was writing this while listening to this song while writing this lolz. I was gonna name Animals the title of the song, but decided not to, and then wrote this and thought the title fit :3 Forgive the writing if it’s not up to par, I’m so sleep deprived rn😀 But neways, I hope you all enjoy this and share my love for stoner!sukuna😌 I’m seriously considering making a oneshot continuing this🧍🏻‍♀️

Stoner!Sukuna who’s your best friend, despite being a delinquent in a rock band, and you an innocent, stereotypical, goody two-shoes.

Stoner!Sukuna who towers over you with his muscular frame, and plays any song you want on his guitar. If he doesn’t know it, he’ll learn it.

Stoner!Sukuna who always smells like weed and cologne, and almost never wears any color other than black and grey.

Stoner!Sukuna who invites you over to his crappy apartment all the time, and even has a pink fluffy blanket on his bed for you.

Stoner!Sukuna who smokes a blunt while you both watch movies together, often watching a rom-com you chose despite his usual disdain for them.

Stoner!Sukuna who offers you a hit every time you come over, even though he knows you’ll just say no with that cute, innocent smile of yours. And you always do.

Stoner!Sukuna who has to stop smoking indica around you because the strain makes it even harder to push down his impure, feral thoughts about you.

Stoner!Sukuna who pulls you closer to him when the movie has really got you sucked in, grinning at how cute you look when you’re invested in something.

Stoner!Sukuna who can’t stop thinking about stuffing you full of his cum multiple times, making you cum in cock each time, whenever you cuddle into his side and throw a leg over his.

Stoner!Sukuna who decides after getting high alone one night and jerking off thinking about you that it is definitely time you get high for the first time. And he should be the one to show you :)

Stoner!Sukuna who bakes your favorite brownies with M&M’s, but adds a secret ingredient without telling you, watching with a smile as you eat a whole one without much thought.

Stoner!Sukuna who pulls you into his arms as soon as you’re both done eating, offering to let you pick a movie, as always.

Stoner!Sukuna who notices how clingy and needy you’re getting after 30 minutes of the movie you put on, already feeling his cock getting hard in his shorts as soon as your face nuzzles into his chest.

Stoner!Sukuna who shushes you gently when you start whining about feeling a little weird, his hands running down your back to feel your skin warming up under your clothes.

Stoner!Sukuna whose hands wander a little farther than usual, knowing you’re too high by now to even register it.

Stoner!Sukuna whose hard cock is pressed against your stomach as you lie on top of him, making it hard for him not to tear your clothes off and breed you then and there.

Stoner!Sukuna who places his hands on your hips, slowly grinding himself up into your clothed sex, closing his eyes with a low moan.

Stoner!Sukuna who feels your growing arousal through your clothes, and says: “Baby, if it feels good, then it can’t be bad,” when you ask him what he’s doing.

Stoner!Sukuna who whispers lewd words into your ear as he pulls your pants off, knowing that’s he’s got you in his clutches.

[sugurizz]

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ── So this was an interesting ask cause it was a big, hard CHALLENGE. Just like Jaekyung's D- *Ahem* Aaanyways Jae and fluff are scientifically opposite terms. So trying to merge the two together feels more difficult than buiding a rocket. But I did it, and tried to keep HIM in character as much as I can, cause let's be honest…he has his tiny fluffy moments too...sometimes, yeah. heh. Anyways enjoy some RARE Jaekyung 'fluff' folkss.

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧: 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐀𝐒𝐊.

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: Just...fluff, Ig?

You stared at a gloomy, greyish sky through the huge bay window. The spacious emptiness of your roommate's apartment hit heavier in his absence. The raindrops trickled down, gradually getting thicker and louder under the thunderblasts of an imminent storm.

You did a few casual chores around the house, train of thoughts constantly derailing towards him…

− He took you in for a rather transactional reason, and you didn't particularly hate it either. You were in times of rut, torn between multiple jobs and restless days. And he needed someone who had it in them to take him, regardless of his temper and turmoil.

He had a professional to help maintain his fighter career by all means, and you had a luxurious roof over your head. And thus was your secret pact with the charming athlete.−

A louder bang shook you out your thoughts again. The storm running fiercer and wilder added to your unease. And the recurring, almost detonation-sounding noises strained your already worried heart.

You liked the rain, it even soothed you at times. But the violent thunderstorms often made you troubled, almost terrified. it brought fear and unrest in you.. some emotions and memories that you didn't like being brought back to the surface. The tall walls of the apartment resounded with louder rumbles. You cried out as you ran away, an inner instinct in you seeking a hideout narrow enough to shelter you…

____

'What are you in the damn closet for? Thought you were away.' He stared at you; curled up and shaky, holding your knees close to you chest as your hands wrapped over your ears.

You flinched at him sliding the closet door open. The chaotic noises outside had you barely notice him coming home, let alone walking on you in your hideout.

You raised your head and opened you mouth, struggling not to burst in tears. watery eyes and choked hiccups trapped in your throat, you took a deep sigh and tried explaining.

'I…got scared. I hate storms and w-was all by myself…I needed to hide somewhere.' You stuttered, face heating up with embarassment.

The timing was anything but convenient, especially with him fresh out the shower, cheeks pinkish and hair still a bit damp and messy with a towel over his shoulders.

'The heck? You a kid or something?' He huffed with a mean smirk, eyeing you down like some stray kitten on his lawn.

'Ugh. Just get out of there. I'm here anyways, the boogeyman won't eat you this time.'

He crossed his arms over his chest, staring at you sternly. The storm outside was still pretty audible to your ears, and so were the lightning flashing every now and then.

'I-I said I'm afraid��I'll just get out when I settle down.' You uttered, holding your legs closer to you again.

He didn't take what you said for an answer. Neither was he the type to reason with someone. Rather pulling your arm and caging you between him and the closet door sounded like the easiest way he had in mind.

'Still scared now?' He stared dead into your eyes and raised an eyebrow. You locked eyes on his, mortified, no words ready to leave your mouth.

'You're a grown woman, doc. Ya can't be sobbing because of a damn thunderstrom.'

Your head leaned forward, resting on his chest. The pent-up fear made him almost seem like a safe haven to you, and so did his overly tempting closeness against your body.

The tight muscles on his broad chest felt so warm, despite you only touching him for a couple seconds. It had your silly self almost wishing he would actually hold you tight…or even nuzzle you into his neck...

'Oi doc, let go now would ya?' He huffed with an eyeroll, turning his gaze away.

'Y-yeah…sorry.' You flinched away and shook your head, hoping he wouldn't notice the few warm tears you left on his shirt.

'Quite the scaredy cat you are.' He gave you a faint grin as you wiped your cheek.

'I'm hungry. Don't feel like cooking.' He turned around and walked out, hinting at you as he led the way towards the kitchen...

[gay-dorito-dust]

Could you possibly write headcanons for a relationship with Mizu from The Blue Eyed Samurai? Hope all is well with you!

At first being in a relationship with Mizu was heavily strained for a multitude of reasons but the main one being that the people in Mizu’s life don’t tend to stay for the long run.

Which meant that Mizu was always putting a good deal of distance between the two of you as a way to prevent becoming overly attached to you, in the fear that you wouldn’t last as long either.

They acted like your second shadow with how close they stood near you, especially when in the company of unsavoury and shady individuals. A silent body guard that was about as still as a statue unless a move was made against you with ill intentions.

However thar never stopped Mizu from answering the call they had to protect you when needs be but by the time the threat was eliminated, it was back to pushing you away while keeping conversations you had to a minimum, all in hopes of deterring any and all hope you may have for a connection.

It’s not in a mean way but more so Mizu’s way of protecting you without integrating you into their mess, or be targeted by people who would love nothing more then to hit Mizu where it hurts.

It didn’t matter whether you were associated or not, you were still fair game for them to attempt other forms of capture.

Mizu wants the best for you and that isn’t sticking with them.

This often leads to arguments being had between the two of you because you felt as though Mizu was just trying to get out a relationship with you and doing things without your input on them, whilst Mizu believed you to be stubborn and not fully grasping the threat of being with them had on you and your well-being.

Anyway, enough of that angsty stuff.

Once Mizu gotten use to the fact that you weren’t going away anytime soon and rather serious in being by their side through thick and thin. They would slowly start to open up to you more by starting off small such as;

Shielding you from sight when someone becomes aggressive.

Making sure you don’t get injured and even if you did, no matter how large or small or maybe, Mizu would want to heal it themself and oversee your recovery process personally.

Sitting/ standing closer to you than before.

Or even Brushing off the snow from your clothes before it melts and soaks the clothing.

When Mizu gets even more comfortable within your relationship then they’ll start contemplating on how to enact physical contact but never knowing how. It had been a long while since they last allowed someone to hold their hand never less hold them but Mizu wasn’t quite sure you’d like that sort of affection.

So you’ll probably have to make the first step yourself by showing Mizu that you were more then okay with it by grabbing their hand, interlocking your pinkies together, holding on their arm or even straight up hugging the life out of them after a gruelling fight.

‘Thank god you’re okay.’ You cried into Mizu’s chest, breathing them in as much as you could as though the moment you let Mizu go, they’d disappear.

‘You know I’d always come back to you.’ Mizu told you as they reciprocated the hug despite how it pulled at their wounds but Mizu didn’t care, your health and well-being was something they hold in high regard.

‘I know that but I just can’t help my fear of the day I’ll loose you.’ You told them, pulling away from them a little bit and trying not to smile when Mizu instinctively tightened their grip on you. ‘But I also must remind myself that you’ve proven yourself capable enough to hold your own in a fight on multiple occasions.’ You pressed a tender kiss to Mizu’s cheek, chuckling when you saw their eyes widen at the innocent act.

For someone as powerful and amazing as Mizu, you pride yourself in how you were probably the only one that got to see this side of them. It was an honour to witness a moment that tasted as sweet as it looked.

Mizu meanwhile felt warm throughout their body, enjoying the feeling of you holding them as tightly as you were right now. Were they really this touch starved? Yes. Yes they were. Severely so.

They’d crumble internally during the more intimate moments where your both alone to your own devises. Run your fingertips gently across the scars on their shoulders or across their calloused hands and Mizu will be melting like butter. They felt safe within your hold, they felt as though the didn’t need to be on guard with you near and you felt protected and loved within Mizu’s hold, taking comfort in knowing that nothing could touch you with Mizu nearby.

You felt invincible either with Mizu and Mizu felt cherished. You both fill a void that neither of you thought could ever be filled.

Can and will punch Taigen for flirting with you. Mizu has done it before and isn’t afraid to do it again as extra.

[a-little-revolution]

Hi lovely, I hope you are well?

I saw the ask about the bathroom accommodations and it got me really interested in two things.

1) what are accommodations that are hLepful (trying to 'help' without actually considering the needs of the individual, for example the step not enabling independence and I imagine from prior posts that it would also cause strain on your joints? (Plus the whole hygiene side, run into that one myself with suggested accommodations) )

2) what accommodations would you want to see in public spaces (doesn't have to be bathroom related, this just showed me a gap in my awareness and I'd like to work on it so I can include more awareness whenever I'm partaking in conversations around accessibility. If you have prior posts do link them, the only one that's coming to my mind right now was discussing the lack of accessibility in hospitals)

Hope you have a good pain/energy day, and I really love your style!

Hello! Indeed, I spoke about some ways to make public spaces more accessible for little people here - particularly when it comes to public washrooms. Here's some more accommodations I'd love to see!

I would love to see more information/reception desks with varying heights! This is an excellent piece of infrastructure that allows little people (and wheelchair users) full access to the counter and a place to speak to an attendant.

In the realm of public counter tops - a huge point of inaccess for me is grocery store conveyor belts. They come to about my chest, which makes loading and packing very difficult. And the "accessible" lane is no different! Plus every grocery store I've been to makes the "accessible" lane also the express lane - so while I'm buying my load of groceries, there's always a disgruntled customer behind me - I've even been denied access for having too many groceries!

The self check out is even worse - in a world where we're now being ushered to interact with these robots instead of real people, I can't reach the screen or the debit machine! So either way I need to ask for help, which completely defeats it's purpose. I would love to see a more accessible option that is lower to the ground.

A second, lower handrail on public stairs is a must! I've seen these in children's hospitals and schools, and would love them to be common place. Average handrails often land at shoulder height or higher - they provide little to no stability or safety for little people.

An access issue that often gets overlooked is the height of public seating - this includes doctor's office chairs, modern theatre seating, bar stools, booths, and office swivel chairs. The irony of a disabled person not being able to sit down is one I come across on the regular. The number of times I've showed up for an interview and not been able to sit without assistance is absurd.

Having a variety of seating options, or providing public step stools (or a combination of the two) could be easy fixes to this issue. In hospitals I am seeing a slow shift towards even lower chairs and beds since this issue is not always unique to little people - anyone who has difficulty bending, sitting, or transferring from a wheelchair has this issue. Modern design needs to account for diversity, instead of steering towards minimalism.

Step stools are of course the easiest means of making public spaces more accessible for little people, but I want to point out that they're not always the be-all-end-all solution, and can actually just be a band aid to some problems. While stools are incredibly versatile, not everyone has the ability to use them and they can pose a hazard in certain situations. In points of high traffic, built-in steps are far safer and could even be designed to fold up when not in use - they can also account for weight and wear.

Additionally, when stools are option in public, it's vital that they be easily accessed and borrowed by patrons without the need for a special request. I've said it before, "If I have to ask for help, it's not accessible". In order for stools to be a viable accommodation, they should be as freely obtained as toilet paper.

[pandorxxx]

Search & Rescue part 3

Lo’ak x Omatikayan fem reader

Warnings: cursing, angst (some at the very end as well, if you read between the lines) heavy drinking/smoking/drug use, soft dom lo’ak, oral, p in v, choking, biting, praise kink (if you squint), slight voyeurism kink, creampie.

Synopsis: Lo’ak has a bit of a reputation that he’s been trying so hard to break out of. He just needs the right girl to come and rescue him. Looks like he found her tonight.

🔞mdni🔞

It had been exactly a month since you left lo’ak. He had been counting the days miserably. You took this time away from him to focus on yourself. You became a trainer for the younger warriors. You started spending more needed time alone. Reflecting on everything you wanted to accomplish, everything you wanted to do. You were elevating while lo’ak was spiraling out of control.

When you left, he drowned himself in his thoughts. Drinking from sun up to sun down. Isolating himself from everyone he loved. He recently indulged in a new habit. When he visited the lab, as he did often, he found a secret stash of Xanax. He didn’t know what it meant, but he read the effects on the bottle, and that was all he needed. Something to numb him from the pain he was feeling.

He’d tell people he was sick to get out of duties. He’s lied to the people that cared about him just to hide his addictions. The only person who wasn’t buying it was Neteyam.

“Lo’ak? I-I just came by to check on you. No one has seen you for a while. We’re all worried. I’m worried.” Neteyam’s calm voice was muffled through the hut door. Lo’ak laid sprawled out on the cot, looking up at the ceiling as tears ran down his still face. Smoke filled the hut, and empty alcohol bottles piled around him. Neteyam noticed the smoke seeping through the bottom of the door, and that was his last straw.

“Lo’ak! Im coming in, I don’t know what’s going on with y-“ Neteyam spoke as he opened the door, immediately cut off by lo’aks state. Neteyam coughed, fanning the smoke out of his face.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Neteyam asked in a concerned tone. Walking alittle closer to lo’ak. “You know…I was really trying to reinvent myself for her. Then that bitch came in and ruined everything. Now look at me.” Lo’ak chuckled deliriously, reaching over to grab the alcohol bottle, taking a few gulps before placing it down on the ground lazily.

Neteyam sighed, backing up against the wall before sliding down. “This won’t get her back. You do know that? You’re a drunk mess, lo’ak. You need help. And I’m here for you.” Neteyam confessed, looking around lo’aks dirty hut.

“I-I need her to come save me. So, maybe it will bring her back. I need her, more than words can describe.” He slurred, tears welling in his eyes. And there it was, the pain again. He hated when the drugs wore off, it meant he had to sit with his feelings, and he refused to do that. He reached next to him, grabbing the bottle of Xanax.

“What’s that? Huh? LO’AK!” Neteyam shouted, as lo’ak ignored him. Hurrying to take a handful of the pills, chugging them down with his favorite alcohol. “Something to numb the pain. It’s fine.” Lo’ak strained, wiping his mouth of the access drink running down his chin.

“Oh wow.” Neteyam said in disbelief, almost on the verge of tears as he watched his younger brother drown himself in sorrow. “Y/n CANNOT rescue you from this. And it’s selfish of you to think that she can.”

“Call me what you want, neteyam. She likes to save, and I like to be saved. So I’m just playing my part. I need her back. You don’t understand.” Lo’ak spoke in an exhausted tone. He was dying slowly. He was too sad to eat, drink, shower. His eyes were low and heavy, and he was getting skinnier by the day.

“You always show her your worst. How about you give her your best for once!” Neteyam shouted, face screwed in confusion. “So that I know it’s real…” lo’ak whispered, but loud enough for Neteyam to hear. “All these girls want to fuck me for one reason and one reason only.” He chuckled, taking another swig of alcohol.

“And what’s that, lo’ak?” Neteyam sighed, rubbing his forehead in frustration. Lo’ak’s head snapped to Neteyam, eyes as wide as they could be in his state.

“Because they can’t get to you…” lo’ak muttered, finally sitting up on the side of the bed lazily. Neteyams eyes widened, hand dropping to his side. “What?”

“You don’t get it. You’re the best warrior here, next in line after dad…and then there’s me. You’re taken already. So who’s the next best thing?” Lo’ak started, and neteyams facial expression softened.

“Everytime they see me for who i am…they leave me. But y/n…she didn’t. She was willing to help me until that bitch ruined it. She was different. She didn’t want you, or another warrior. She wanted me, and I fucked it up. I’ll always come second to you, and I get that. But it wasn’t like that with y/n. She saw me, and stayed.”

“Lo’ak i didn’t know you felt that way. I-I just thought-“ Neteyam stuttered before being cut off. “You thought that I’ve been just fucking girls for the fun of it. Which is partly true, but not all.” Lo’ak sighed, throwing his head down into his hands, rubbing through his hair in frustration.

“All I’m doing is searching for a mate. I can admit that the way I’m going about it is reckless but….that’s the end goal.” Lo’ak finally admitted. Neteyam was speechless. He had no idea that lo’ak felt 2nd best to him. And he felt like a terrible brother for not realizing his pain sooner.

“Lo’ak i-I’m sorry. I had no idea that you felt this way. You never talk about this kind of stuff with me. But you can. I’m always here to listen. And I’ll do anything in my power to help you out of this mess.” Neteyam spoke calmly. Lo’ak’s ears shot up before his head did.

“Anything?” Lo’ak asked, eyebrow cocked as a smirk crept across his face. Neteyams eyes narrowed, eyeing his brother up and down all knowingly.

You had been training the young warriors in the common area all afternoon, and the sun was setting. You enjoyed it, and you were glad that Jake trusted you enough to take over since his youngest son had been MIA.

“y/n! I think I broke my bowwww!” Sarzí, your little sister, whined. Holding her bow up to you with teary eyes. You took it from her gently, examining the broken bow before you smiled.

“You know…I’ve broken so many bows when I was training?” You spoke softly, bending down to be eye level with the young girl.

“R-Really?” Sarzí sniffled, wiping her teary eyes with the back of her hand. You smiled, looking down at the broken bow.

“Oh yes! Jake would make me a new one every week. And mines were usually broken in half. Yours just needs alittle fixing.” You started, bringing her hands away from her eyes so that you could wipe her tears for her.

“How about you take mine. What do you say to that, huh?” You smiled, taking the bow from around your body. You little sisters eyes lit up, a bright smile creeping across her face.

“No way! Everyone is going to be soooo jealous!” She smiled, taking the bow out of your hands gently. “Fuck yeah they are!” You laughed, holding your hand up to give your sister a high five.“Fuck yeah!” Sarzí shouted, holding her hand up and your eyes went wide, looking around the common area.

“No! d-don’t say that you little twerp! Mom’s gonna kill me!” You laughed tickling Sarzí. She laughed as well before you pulled her in for a hug.

“Now go, ok? I’m ending the session soon, so we’ll leave in a few.” You smiled, pointing to the other warriors who were practicing. Your sister looked at you, and then slightly behind you, signaling that it was someone there.

“Teyam!” Your sister shouted in excitement, running past you to Neteyam. He swung her around a few times before picking her up in his arms.

“Sarzí! My favorite little warrior!” He chuckled, walking closer to you with your sister in his arm. You smiled at the interaction, meeting him halfway.“Neteyam.” You spoke firmly with a smile, signing a greeting to him as he did the same.

“Hey, do you mind if I steal your big sister for a quick second?” Neteyam asked Sarzí with a smile, placing her down on the ground. She nodded before looking up at you with a smile.

“Go ahead, I’ll come get you soon.” You chuckled before your sister skipped off to the other kids in the distance.

“How are you?” Neteyam asked, motioning for you to walk with him. “I’m doing well…better.” You nodded. You hesitated but the feelings you had for lo’ak were so strong, you just had to know:

“How’s lo’ak? Is he ok? I haven’t seen him in a while. Not that I’m looking for him, but I usually see him around.” You rambled before Neteyam stopped you.

“Y/n…” he sighed before stopping all movement, shifting to stand infront of you. His demeanor had changed to that of concern and fear.

“He’s not doing well. At all.” Neteyam shook his head, fiddling with his fingers anxiously. A confused look wiped across your face. Almost frightened for what Neteyam meant.

“He’s…on heavy drugs y/n.” Neteyam whispered the last part. Your eyes widened, and your stomach dropped to your feet. A wave of sadness washed across you quickly.

“He won’t leave his hut, and it’s a fucking mess. Alcohol bottles, pills bottles everywhere. He won’t eat, bathe, drink anything other than alcohol. He’s smoking more than usual and I just…I don’t know what to do.” He rambled, running his hands through his hair in frustration.“Do your parents know?” You asked.

“Hell no, and I don’t plan on telling them. They’d kill him.” he explained. You sighed, trying your best to hold back tears. It pained you to know that this was your fault, and that you didn’t even give him a chance to explain himself before you left that morning.

“He wanted me to tell you that he loves you, and that he wishes things could be different. He knew that you wouldn’t want to see him, so I came here to deliver that message.” He smiled weakly with nothing but sadness behind his eyes.

“Where is he? At his hut?” You asked. Neteyam nodded. “He’s been in there for a month.” He sighed. “Can you finish my training session with the children, and walk Sarzí home? Please? I’ll go talk to him.” You asked softly. Neteyam smiled.

“Of course. Please help my brother. He needs you.” Neteyam spoke lowly, caressing your shoulder before walking off in the direction of the children.

The walk to his hut was short yet nerve racking. This would be the first time you’d seen him since you left him. Something you swore you wouldn’t do, but the situation that transpired left you no choice.

You got to his hut door, and the smoke immediately filled your lungs. It was clear that he had been getting high all day as the smoke seeped out from under the door. You closed you eyes, bracing yourself for the worst but hoping for the best before you opened the door.

Smoke poured out of his hut causing you to choke before waving the smoke away. You were met with a whimpering/moaning lo’ak, curled up in a ball on his bed. He was shaking aggressively, and sweating. You let the room air out quickly before closing the door behind you.

“Lo’ak?” You muttered, walking closer to him. His pain and agony filled the room. You kneeled down beside him. You hesitated but finally ran your hand across his bicep. You flipped him around, and his eyes were closed, still whimpering in agony as he shook violently.

“LO’AK! LO’AK WAKE UP, BABY! PLEASE!”

You shouted, smacking his damp cheek a few times. With a loud gasp, he woke up. His eyes were wide and his breathing was heavy. He immediately wailed, tears running down his face as he screamed in pain.“Its alright, it’s alright! I’m here with you now!” Your voice was shaky as you wrapped him in your arms.

“I-im so sorry y/n! I’m so so sorry! Please don’t leave me! Please!” He whimpered, laying his head on your chest. You caressed the back of his head, swaying him back and forth in your arms.

“I’m not leaving! I’m here! Look at me!” You exclaimed, holding either sides of his head to get him to look at you. Your eyes locked with his desperate ones. “I’m here. I’m sorry for leaving you before, I just needed time. But I’m here!” You smiled at him lightheartedly. He sniffled, wiping his tears quickly. You swiftly walked to his drawer, grabbing a dry cloth before making your way back over to him. You wiped his face and chest as he stared at you.

“You wanna tell me what’s been going on? I talked to your brother, and he told me some shit I didn’t want to hear.” You glared at him, eyebrow cocked as you awaited an answer, still wiping his soaking wet body.

“I-ive been getting high and drinking more.” His voice was shaky, his teeth chattering against each other as he whimpered. Your eyes wandered to the ground beneath you, dozens of empty pill bottles laid out. Your head snapped back to him, with an all-knowing glare on your face.

“And I’m guessing you’re having withdrawals from….the weed right?” You asked sarcastically. He sighed, rolling his eyes as his body shook violently.“Xanax…o-only for the pain. It’s helps me.” He whined, wiggling under the dry towel.

“This is helping you? Look at you. You were a mess when I found you and you’re even worse now.” You chuckled, lightening the mood. He managed to snicker even throughout his pain.

“Yeah yeah. Because I need you, don’t you get it? The days we were together were the best. I didn’t even touch any alcohol, I was too drunk off of you.” He explained. You blushed, moving down to his legs with the cloth.

“As much as you love me, I cannot be your only motivation, your only source of happiness. It’s not healthy for you or me.” You confessed, glancing up at him before continuing to dry him off.

“But you ARE truly my only source of happiness. I don’t know what I’d do without you…as you can see. Just look at me. I know it’s not healthy, and I don’t want to put any pressure on you. But I can’t help the way I feel about you anymore. I refuse.” He confessed. You sighed, hesitating before speaking.

“I love you, lo’ak. Always will. And I’ll do anything to help you out of this. I hate seeing you like this.” You strained, on the verge of tears. He sat up slowly, caressing your cheek with his shaky hands. You nuzzled your head into his embrace, grabbing the back of his hand.

“It’s all my fault. And I’m a fucking idiot for letting myself get to this point. I’m a mess, and I understand if you’re done trying to rescue me. It’s not your job to do this.” He shook his head, rubbing his thumb across your cheek to wipe your tears.

“It is my job….as your girlfriend. I’m by your side no matter what. I’m not leaving you again.” You smiled, grabbing his free hand in yours as you two stared into each others eyes. You pulled him in for a well needed hug, and he obliged. Despite lo’aks state, your hug stopped his shaking momentarily. It was warm, and comforting until you realized he hadn’t bathed in a couple of weeks.

“Baby, when’s the last time you touched water?” You asked, voice muffled in his chest. His eyes widened, realizing that he’d made, yet another, terrible impression on you. “I-uhh…” he stuttered, looking around the room in embarrassment before letting you go.

“What am I going to do with you? Huh?” You chuckled, standing to your feet before you reached out for his hand. He smiled sarcastically, taking your hand to stand to his feet. You held his waist to keep him steady.

“I’ll be good from now on, I promise.” He chuckled as he wrapped his arm around your neck, walking out of the hut with you.

You were sitting on the shore next to the stream. You were watching after lo’ak as he bathed in the river. He seemed to stop shaking once he hit the water, and he’d been in there for the last 20 minutes.

“You doing ok over there?” You asked, watching him grab water to throw on his chest.“Yeah, I’m feeling alittle better. I could still use a Xanax though.” He confessed, laughing to himself.

“Yeah right. Not on my watch. All of that shit comes out of your hut TO-MOR-ROW! No more drugs or drinking for a while.” You commanded.

“Damn, no weed either?” He asked walking closer to the waterfall, letting it run over his hands.

“NO WEED EITHER!” You shouted, glaring at him with a pointed finger. He hissed, walking into the waterfall to let it run over his entire body. You watched him intently, there was nothing else you could do.

He stood directly under the stream, letting it run down his hair and face. He’d occasionally run his hands over his face and through his hair, flexing his biceps and abs. There was a point where he reached down to grab his cock, stroking it softly as the water ran over it. Innocent to him but a turn on for you.

“Like what you see?” He spoke softly, completely breaking you out of your trance. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t.” You smirked, locking eyes with him.

“Then bring your pretty ass over here. I’ve been missing you like crazy.” He spoke lowly, so incredibly desperate for you. He ran his large hand down his body again, grabbing his cock to jerk it slowly. He stared in your eyes the entire time, eyes full of lust. As if he was ready to devour you whole. Your body tensed up, and your breathing hitched. He noticed a change in you immediately, and chuckled out loud.

“Just come bathe with me. That’s all.” He reassured, contradicting himself with his hand still stroking his cock. From the base, all the way to the tip, smearing his oozing precum.

“Mhmm, just bathing right?” You asked, eyebrow cocked as you stood to your feet, untying your cloths to let them drop to the ground. He eyed you up and down intently, keeping the same rhythm on his aching cock.

“Sure. Just come here.” He motioned with his finger, and you quickly obliged. Walking into the water towards him until you two were finally face to face. Your chest pressed against his defined abs as he looked down at you. He jerked his cock in the direction of your core, his swollen tip lightly pressing against your clit with every thrust into his hand.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” He whispered “Oh yeah?” You asked, running your dainty hands up his chest.“Yeah. I haven’t had sex with any other girl since you left me. My body yerns for you and ONLY you now. No one can satisfy me the way that you do. Mentally, physically….emotionally. My body needs you, I need you.” He spoke low and sensual, placing his large hand on the side of your neck.

“I’m not fucking you, lo’ak.” You spoke in your melodic tone, caressing his strong arms as you eyed his abs and chest. He smirked, knowing that you two were way past that. You leaned in, kissing his damp chest, leaving small hickeys. He groaned, letting his cock go to reach around, grabbing your plump ass in his large hands.

You slowly slid down in his embrace, submerging yourself into the water until you were chin deep. Your hair was soaked from the waterfall, loose curls cascading down the sides of your head and into the water. You stared up at him with your lustful eyes as you licked his swollen tip.

“Oh! my fucking- stop looking at me like that.” He moaned, watching you explore his cock; licking every ridge, every vein. Sucking the precum out of his tip gently. When you heard those words he spoke, your eye contact darted up to his again.

You stiffened your tongue, gently flapping it against his hole, making him quiver under your embrace. “P-Please don’t tease me. I can’t take that right now.” He whimpered, caressing the back of your head. Seeing as he’d been through enough the past few weeks, you decided to give him what he wanted.

You grabbed the base to keep him steady in the water. Without warning, you took all of him in your mouth until the tip of your nose pressed against his pelvis. He whined loudly fisting your long hair, using it as leverage to thrust into your mouth softly.

You met his thrusts, bobbing your head on his shaft. You swirled your tongue around the entirety of his length, making him pout down at you, eyebrows scrunched together as he let out soft whimpers.

“Fuuuck! P-Please baby!” He cried, legs shaking from his in coming orgasm. It was no secret that lo’ak was a sex-a-holic, and he hadn’t released any tension since the day you left him. This would be the first time he had a proper release in an entire month, which was all new to him. So this one was going to be intense.

You sucked him one last time before backing up with a loud pop. You replaced your mouth with your dainty hand, pumping him at a steady pace. “Please what?” You asked, glaring up at him as spit cascaded down your chin. “Pl-please fuck me. I’m begging you.”

He whined, placing a finger under your chin. You grinned, standing before him. “Please…” he whispered, pulling you closer by your waist.

Without a second to spare, you pushed him up against the large rock behind the waterfall. You took the opportunity to kiss every inch of his chest, feeling on his strong arms that were wrapped around your waist. You pryed them off of you, pinning them to the wall as you stood on your tippy toes, attacking his unscathed neck. He bit his lip, watching you go completely feral on him.

He bent down, finding your lips to engage in a passionate kiss. Your tongues danced with each other before you pulled away, a line of spit connecting the two of you. He took this opportunity to regain his dominance somewhat, turning you around so that your back was against the rock, him towering over you.

“Never knew you could be so nasty.” He spoke lowly, seductive. His hands were planted next to your head as he stared at you with nothing but sex on his mind. You could feel it radiating off of his wet skin. You managed to turn around in his embrace, backing your ass into his pelvis. He let out a breathily moan in your ear.

“For you I am. Only for you, my love.” You moaned, feeling his tip poke at your dripping entrance. Without question, he grabbed the base of his cock, sliding into you slowly. A series of loud moans fell from both of your mouths, so filled with desperation.

His hands slowly slid into fists on the rock, head buried in your shoulder to muffle his cries once he started thrusting into you. You held onto his wrists for support as your head laid back against his broad chest. His thrusts were hard and needy, almost as if he’d been dying for this moment.

“I-I’ve missed you so fucking much.” He whined in between small pecks to your neck, sending you spiraling. You were a moaning mess under him, tears already forming In the corners of your eyes from the constant pounding to your sweet spot.

“I-I’ve ngh!- i’ve missed you too, lo’ak.” You whimpered before biting your lip, trying your best to suppress your loud moans. He wrapped one of his strong arms around your neck, and you instantly gripped it. He used the hold on you as leverage to send you deeper strokes, deeper than he’d ever been before.

“Mmm lo’, i-its so deep!” You moaned through a clenched jaw, eyes rolling to the back of your head as he pounded into you with no mercy.

“I-I know, I know! Just take it for me.” He moaned, eyes rolling to back of his head as well. His mouth slightly agape as his head laid upon your shoulder. You felt his cock twitch inside of you, signaling that he was close, and so were you. Lines of your juices tricked down your thighs with every hard thrust. Your legs started to tremble and your stomach tightened.

“You’re gonna make me fucking cum!” You whimpered, voice rippling from the pounding you were receiving. He sped up, loud clapping sounds taking over the still forest.

“Fuuuuck, I-I’m close too. B-But I don’t want this to end. Not yet, baby! I-I can’t!” He growled, pulling out of you for a moment before slamming back into you. His and your legs buckling for a second before you both regained balance.

“Yesss!!!” You screamed, feeling that lingering orgasmic feeling in your stomach for longer than you’d ever had. He repeated the action, pulling out of you to slam back into you with full force.

“Shit! You feel so fucking good!” He whined, a single tear falling from his eye. In between this action, he pumped into you hard and steady, maintaining your peek for as long as possible.

As soon as he felt you clench around him, he’d pull out and slam back into you. Your legs trembled from the edging, it was becoming too much for you.

“Lo’ak, I-I can’t take it.” You moaned deliriously, your body going limp under him. He held you up by your waist, pushing you against the rock, sandwiching you in to keep you up.

“Yes you can, baby. I can’t let this end yet, I need you!” He whimpered in your ear before nibbling on it, sending you hard strokes. You moaned loudly, leaning your head against the wall as your legs trembled. He pulled out again for a longer time. He watched you shake underneath him, so desperate for a release.

“Lo’ak please! I- i need to cum!” You moaned breathily, holding onto the rock for dear life as you trembled. “I-I’m afraid you’re going to leave me again. Just let me savor this.” He groaned, desperate for a release too. He slammed back into you, immediately thrusting into you at a fast pace.

“Lo’ak I SWEAR I-I’m not leaving you again! You don’t have to to worry about that…j-just let me fucking cum please!” You screamed.

“PROMISE!” He growled, his dominance and animalistic urges taking the forefront. He tightened his grip around your neck, making it hard for you to breath. “I PROMISE!” You strained, tapping his arm for him to loosen up.

“Cum.” Was all he said before sending you the hardest stroke of the night, leaving it there. You screamed loudly, legs trembling as your juices ran down your legs. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, as you leaned back into him in complete exhaustion. Without a second to spare, he began to move inside of you again, chasing his own orgasm.

“Oh my fucking God! I’m cumming, y/n. I’m cumming, fuuuuck!” He whimpered, legs trembling against yours as he buried his head into the crook of your neck. He sent you another hard thrust, leaving himself deep inside of you as he painted your walls with his seed. The feeling alone could’ve made you cum for a second time.

“Yesss, give me all of it!” You moaned, bending over slightly, just for his seed to seep deeper into your womb. He held you tightly, sinking his fangs into your neck to suppress his muffled cries. The sharp pain making you hiss lowly. He detached, blood running down his lips as he licked your wound clean.

“I-im sorry. I got carried away. I-I didn’t mean t-“ he rambled before you cut him off.“I’m fine, lo’ak.” You moaned. He pulled out of you, watching the access cum leak out of your tight cunt. You turned around in his embrace, bringing him closer to you.

“You make me feel so good. Don’t apologize for that.” You shook your head, smiling up at him. He smirked at you, pulling you in for a sloppy kiss.

After that, you two cleaned each other for the second time before making your way back to his hut. You got dressed in one of his huge t-shirts again, and curled up into bed with him. You two talked for most of the night before you knocked out in his arms. However, he couldn’t seem to sleep, not without his aid. He’d been doing Xanax for a month straight, and it was hard to just quit that.

As you slept against his chest comfortably, he held you tightly, glaring at the bottle of Xanax behind you. He couldn’t help the urge to down the entire bottle. And for what? You were literally in his arms, yet he still craved the drug. He sighed, reaching over you quietly to grab the bottle. He untwisted the cap, downing the 10 pills that were left. No water was needed, when he swallowed them.

He put the bottle back, wrapping you tightly in his arms before he closed his eyes. The voices in his head slowly died down as the drug consumed him. That numb feeling he had been searching for finally settling in as he drifted off into a deep…deep…deep slumber.

Taglist: @number1gal @loak-bae @tiredmamaissy @neytirishottie @viajaeger @terrorthewolf @lethargicluv @reyzzsostellar @m0nst3rfk3r @agelsully @jakescumdump @wekiamo @st-cass @cleardonutangelwagon @tsireqas @satanlovedays @afro-hispwriter @thecutieyahia @urfavgirlmakenna @fanboyluvr @iameatingmyhair @secretflowerobservation @violet-19999 @neteyamsprincess @xreadersstuff @lia-nath @sullymenrhot @dotheyevenknowmars @xdbluesky @slay-nt @domino-x3-blog @ladylovegood-69 @itssomeonereading @sweetirilly @skxawngmia @j-jinxee @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @cumikering @pxndorasdream @itsaleidasworld @atxxokirina @yeletta @blueslxt-primary @jackchampismybbg @eywascall @valeriearriana37484 @avatarsslut @bee782916 @atxxokirina @loaksbabyy

[smoothies-are-cool]

don’t worry

boyfriend! matt sturniolo x pop star girlfriend! reader

summary: reader is a singer and has vocal nodes but matt is with her every step of the way.

warnings: pet names (baby, sweetheart), use of y/n, surgery, anesthesia, hospitals, needles.

a/n: i’m not sure if anyone has ever done this before so please lmk if they have !! a lot of green in this story but pay attention because the green is like 5 different people because i’m limited on colors

being a popular singer has it’s perks but it definitely also has it’s own set of issues.

i had just finished my second united states tour and i was on my way back to LA, but in pain.

a few days before the last show my throat hurt so my manager, lexi made me see the first doctor available. we discovered i had vocal nodes and had to go under surgery almost as soon as i got back to LA.

my boyfriend matt, was one of the first people to know. he begged to come on the tour with me, but being an influencer himself i made him stay in LA with his brothers to manage their youtube channel and brand deals. he told me that i had no idea how bad he felt for not being able to be there for me.

with vocal nodes i’m not supposed to sing and i can barely talk. if i do talk i’m in a whole bunch of pain.

walking off the plane and into the airport was horrible. lexi doesn’t want me to go anywhere alone so i have one security guard with me at all times and that causes a lot of stares and people asking for things. today, i had sunglasses on, my hood up and airpods in.

i scan the airport, looking for my boyfriend and his 2 brothers. i immediately find them and i almost started to run to them but stop when i realize i still have my bags. i tap my security guard, mike’s shoulder and he looks down at me.

“can you-?” i ask, cutting myself off due to the pain in my throat. i point to my bags. he nods, grabbing the handle of my suitcase and the bag off my shoulder. i start walking quickly towards matt, taking off my sunglasses just before i get to him.

“i’m so sorry baby, are you okay?” he asks and tears fill my eyes. this surgery is very risky because there’s no guarantee that my voice will come back, so i’m genuinely terrified. singing is something so big in my life, it’s a huge part of me. if i can’t sing i don’t know what i’d do.

as i was attempting to talk matt cut me off. “you don’t have to talk, it’s okay.” he comforts. i nod, pulling away from the hug and turning to nick and chris.

“hi.” nick says softly, hugging me and rubbing my back. i just wave in response, pulling away.

“hey, i’m sorry.” chris apologizes, i just shrug. i turn back to matt as we stand in silence.

“let’s go then, yeah?” matt speaks up, grabbing my bags from mike.

we walk towards matt’s car with mike following closely behind. we can hear everyone talking about us and taking pictures but we ignore it. when we get to matt’s car i turn to mike.

“the car is over there. can you please tell them i’m with the triplets and i’m safe?” i ask, pointing in the direction of a black escalade.

“yeah of course.” mike nods.

“thank you so much. i’ll see you tomorrow.” i tell him, climbing into the passenger seat.

after a couple hours of hanging out with matt in mostly silence, he brought me back to my house. i had to go see a specialist tomorrow to schedule my at 8 am so it was just easier if i stayed at my house so my manager could pick me up.

“want me to come in for a few?” matt asks, putting the car in park. i nod and he starts to get out of the car.

“uh actually, can you stay please? i’m scared to be alone.” i ask, my voice strained as i wince from the pain in my throat.

“yeah of course.” he nods. when we get inside we go up to my room and i change into pajamas. since matt is over so often, he started keeping clothes of his at my house so he was able to change into pajamas as well. we climb into my bed and i lay my head on his chest, his arm wraps around me as i turn on our favorite show, new girl.

“i know you’re probably really scared right now, but i want you to know that i’m always here for you.” he tells me, rubbing his thumb across the exposed skin on my hip.

“thank you matt.” i tell him softly. if i speak soft enough the pain isn’t as intense as it would be if i spoke normally.

at the doctors office they scheduled my surgery. they wanted to do it as soon as possible so it was in three days.

matt had been with me everyday, getting me anything i needed or wanted. i tried my best not to talk, but when i’m around matt that’s all i wanted to do.

he had told me when it was the day of my surgery he was going to sit in the waiting room the entire time no matter how long it took. i tried to tell him how much i loved him but he didn’t want me to talk and mess up my voice even more.

3 days later

me, matt, lexi and mike walked into the surgical center and walked up to the front desk.

“y/n l/n has a phonomicro surgery schedule for 9 am.” lexi spoke for me. my nerves were so bad i genuinely thought i was going to throw up and matt could tell so he grabbed my hand and rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand.

“yes here she is. please fill out this paperwork and then the nurse will come get her in a few minutes to prep her for the surgery. you guys can take a seat.” the receptionist tells us, handing me a clipboard of papers and a pen and pointing to a set of four chairs along the wall.

we all take seats and i start to fill out the papers. it’s pretty basic and standard questions. ‘what’s your full name?’ ‘when’s your birthday?’ ‘do you have insurance?’ ‘have you ever had surgery before?’ i filled out there pages of the same questions that were worded in different ways.

i finished the paperwork and handed it back to the receptionist. a few minutes later my name was called. the nerves in my body spiked up and i immediately started shaking. matt and lexi stood up with me and matt pulled me into him.

“don’t worry sweetheart, you’re gonna be okay. we’ll all be waiting for you, okay?” he tells me soothingly which helps calm me down a bit. i turn to lexi.

“don’t think to much into it. you’re voice will come back.” lexi says, rubbing my arm. i nod, waving to mike before walking off with the nurse.

as we’ve walking to the room she’s asking me all the same questions i answered on the papers.

“okay i’m gonna have you change into this gown, these underwear and these socks. put your clothes in this bag. you can change in here.” the nurse tells me, handing me everything and showing me to the bathroom that was in my room.

when i walked out she took my bag of clothes and placed it on the chair. “you can go head and lay down. are you scared of needles?” she looked at me as she rolled her cart of things closer to the bed. i shook my head no.

“okay that’s good. i do have to put an IV in your arm so the anesthesiologist can give you anesthesia. do you want to squeeze this?” she asks me, holding up a blue stress ball.

“mhm.” i hum, smiling as she handing the ball to me. i felt her clean my arm with an alcohol pad and she paused for a second, i assumed she was looking for a good vain to put the IV in.

“okay, 3,2,1.” she counted, pushing the needle into my arm. “you okay?” she asked.

“yeah.” i confirm.

“good, now i’m gonna push you into the operating room.” she put the sides of the bed up, pushing me out of the room. when we got to the operating room there were people already waiting.

“hi y/n, i’m the anesthesiologist. you doing okay?” he asked me, i nodded and put my thumb up.

“okay good, i want you to count back from 10, okay?” he tells me, i nod. i feel him messing around with the IV and i knew he was getting ready to give me the anesthesia.

“10, 9, 8, 7-“ i managed to get to 7 before passing out.

when i woke up i was back in the room from earlier. matt, lexi and mike all sat in chairs around me and matt was holding my hand.

i squeeze his hands a couple times, giving him a sign that i’m awake.

“oh thank god.” he breathes, kissing my forehead. i open my mouth to speak but they all stop me.

“no!” they all yell, my eyes going wide.

“you can’t talk.” lexi tells me.

“you’ll be in pain if you do.” matt adds on. lexi turns to mike. “can you get the doctor and tell them she’s awake?” lexi asks. mike nods and walks out.

a few minutes later he walks back in the with doctor.

“miss l/n, how you feeling?” the doctor asks. “don’t talk! use your hands.” he quickly adds on, putting his thumb up and then down. i put my thumb on the middle.

“okay that’s normal.” he tells me, feeling my lymph nodes.

“you can’t talk for about a week, and you have to wait about a month before you try to sing, okay?” i shake my head yes.

“okay. we do have to keep you over night for observation but you should be able to go home tomorrow afternoon. you will have to be under close observation. do you have anyone that you live with or anyone that can look after you.” he asks. i point to matt. the doctor nods.

“well everything looks good for now. i’ll come back later and check on you.” he tells me, walking out of the room. matt walks closer and grabs my hand again.

“see you’re okay.” he smiles. i smile and nod.

“i know this isn’t a great time, but there was a picture that was leaked of us walking into the hospital so now people think you’re dead because you haven’t been active on anything.” matt tells me. my eyes go wide and i almost laugh. i do texting motions with my hands, letting them know i want my phone. matt laughs and pulls my phone out of his pocket and hands it to me.

y/n.l/n posted on their story!

a/n: should i make a part 2 of the recovery?? 😇 i wrote this while watching 8 mile.

[oskea93]

✶ Whiskey (2) ✶ - John “Bucky” Egan x OC - Masters of the Air fandom - Multi-chaptered story.

⚠ Warning: Rating 18+ ⚠ Chapter warning: Sexual content, period sexism, spousal belittling, cursing Words: 4353 A/N: Hello again! First off, I just want to say thank you so much for the love and support y'all have shown this story!! You guys are amazing and you have no idea how much I appreciate you guys! So, with this chapter, we get to meet Dominik and Marigold - the husband and MIL. These two will have major impacts on our OC's life and at times their treatment towards her will not be very nice. We also get to meet the most important person in our OCs life... The bright side, we will see our OC spending time with a certain Major 🥵. This story is just getting started and I promise that Mr. Egan and all the fabulous men of the 100th will come to light in the upcoming chapter. It's gonna be a wild one! If you would like to be added to the tag list, just comment your username ☺︎

“I don’t see why you need to accompany your husband to such a location – full of men waiting for their chance to die.”

Rolling my eyes, I kept my mouth shut as my mother-in-law moved around the room. She had volunteered herself to accompany Dom and I to England – stating that she needed to be here for the sake of her granddaughter.

“What’re you expected to do while he’s working? Just longue around and make eyes with all the soldiers – give them blue balls so they can go back to their barracks and dream about you?”

A smile tugged at my face, “Somebody has to get them a little excited, Marigold.”

Her brows knitting together – unsure if I was being serious of not. “That’s what those pin-up women are for – you’re a married woman, Rachel. Married to one of the top colonels in the army – you don’t need to be strutting around like some old whore.”

Sighing, I pushed myself off the chair, her eyes watching me like the hawk she is. “Are you faithful to my son?” The question causing me to stop in my tracks. “You wouldn’t think about stepping out on him, would you?”

Her dark eyes bore into my soul, their intensity like a piercing gaze from the depths of the night. With each passing moment, I felt a shiver run down my spine, as if her gaze held the power to unravel the very core of my being. In that fleeting instant, the world around me seemed to fade away, leaving only her eyes, dark and mysterious, capturing my every thought and emotion in their enigmatic depths. “No –“My tone defensive. “Why ever would you think that?”

Feeling a mixture of frustration and resignation, she shrugged her shoulders, the weight of the moment causing her lips to press tightly together in a display of silent resolve.

“What gives you the idea that I would be unfaithful to Dominik? Because of what I said – that was a joke – they’re very popular nowadays.” Her back straightening at my bitter return.

I took a deep breath, trying to keep my composure despite Mari's biting words. Our relationship had always been strained, but her sharp remarks never failed to sting.

"I understand your concern, Mari," I replied evenly, meeting her gaze. "But I'm not going to England to flirt with soldiers. I'll be there to support Dom and assist in any way I can. It's important for us to be together during his assignment."

Mari huffed, clearly not convinced. "Just be careful, Rachel. Men in uniform can be quite charming, but they're not to be trusted. Don't forget your responsibilities as a wife and a mother."

Her words echoed in my mind, stirring up a mix of frustration and resignation. I knew Mari meant well in her own way, but her traditional views often clashed with my more independent spirit.

"Again, I appreciate your concern, Mari," I said, choosing my words carefully. "I'll always prioritize my family above all else. You can trust me on that."

In that fleeting moment of our interaction, as her captivating eyes locked onto mine, a subtle yet unmistakable expression of doubt crept into her gaze. "I hope so, Rachel. You have a good husband and a beautiful daughter. Don't take that for granted."

In the intricate web of relationships that intertwined our lives, tensions simmered just below the surface, threatening to erupt at any moment. Marigold's disapproval of me seemed to stem from a place of deep-seated insecurity and a need to control the narrative surrounding her son's marriage.

From the very beginning of Dom and I’s relationship, Marigold had made it clear that she held certain expectations for the woman who would become her daughter-in-law. My lack of pedigree, my fiery red hair, and perceived lack of refinement were all points of contention for Marigold. In her eyes, I was an outsider, unworthy of her son's prestigious lineage.

The constant barrage of criticism and belittling remarks from Marigold had taken its toll on me, chipping away at my confidence and sense of self-worth. Despite my best efforts to prove her loyalty and devotion to Dominik, I found herself caught in a never-ending cycle of scrutiny and judgment.

As Marigold insinuated doubts about my fidelity and questioned my motives, I felt a surge of indignation rise within myself. The implication that I would betray Dominik, the man I loved, cut deep, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. Yet, I understood that Marigold's insecurities and fears were driving her behavior, fueling her need to assert control over the situation.

The dynamics between myself and Marigold were fraught with unspoken tensions and power struggles, each woman vying for dominance in their own way. My defiance in the face of Marigold's criticisms and barbs hinted at an underlying strength and resilience that belied my outward appearance.

She lightly cleared her throat, the sound echoing in the opulent room. "Darling," she began, her voice smooth but with an underlying tension. A faint, almost imperceptible smile played on her lips, not quite reaching her eyes. "I know you would never hurt my son in such a fashion."

With deliberate grace, she slowly rose from her seat, her elegant movements betraying the subtle power she held. Her hand smoothed down the expensive fabric of her dress, erasing any hint of imperfection. "You're a very beautiful girl - woman," she remarked, her words laced with a mixture of compliment and observation.

Turning to face me fully, she continued, her gaze piercing yet enigmatic. "Those men at Thorpe Abbots haven't seen or been around a real woman in who knows how long - only the women that are working or the local townies." Her voice trailed off momentarily, her hands coming to rest gently on my arms. "It's going to be hard for them to resist you."

I regarded her with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension as she pivoted back towards the chair, as if the weight of her words had dissipated as quickly as they had been spoken. I felt the urge to respond rising within me, but something in her demeanor made me hesitate, my words left unspoken.

As she settled back into her seat, a subtle yet unmistakable smugness crept into her expression, adding a layer of complexity to her otherwise composed facade. Her eyes met mine once more, a silent challenge lingering in their depths.

"Better get packing, darling," she remarked casually, the nonchalance in her tone belying the undercurrent of tension that hung in the air…

We lay in silence, the distant sounds of the bustling streets below providing a gentle background melody that filled the room. His touch, feather-light against the curve of my ribcage, sent a shiver of electricity racing through my body.

"Someone walking over your grave?" he remarked, a playful glint in his eyes as he traced patterns on my skin with his fingertips.

Resting my chin on his chest, our gazes locked in a shared moment of intimacy. "Excuse me?" I replied, a hint of curiosity in my voice.

He chuckled softly, the sound like music in the quiet room, as he brushed a stray strand of hair away from my face. "My pops used to say that when you get a cold chill, it means someone is walking on your grave." His words carried a touch of nostalgia and folklore.

Raising my eyebrows in amusement, I shook my head. "Can't say I've heard that one before."

As my left hand trailed down his chest, I noticed the cross necklace he wore, a simple yet meaningful charm that he kept close for protection. Taking the pendant between my thumb and index finger, I studied it briefly before placing it gently in the center of his chest, my fingers lingering over the cool metal.

"My mom gave it to me before I left," he explained, his voice tinged with emotion. "I'm not really a believer, but you need something to protect you out there."

Moved by his vulnerability, I began to share a piece of my own family history. "My grandmother was a God-fearing woman," I started, the memories of her devout faith flooding back. "She would attend church on Sundays and Wednesdays, unwavering in her devotion even in the face of adversity." A pang of sorrow touched my heart as tears threatened to well up in my eyes. "But when my Grandad fell ill, her faith wavered. She prayed for miracles as he lay dying, his lungs ravaged by years spent in the mines."

The weight of past grief hung heavy in the air between us, the shared stories weaving a bond of understanding and empathy that transcended words.

John's arm tightened around my waist; his unwavering attention focused on every word I spoke.

"After he passed away, she changed," I continued, a wistful smile playing on my lips as I reminisced. "She stopped praying, stopped going to church as often, stopped believing. My grandad was her entire world, her reason for everything. She used to tell my brother and me that God had led Grandad into her life." The warmth of nostalgia colored my voice as I shared the cherished memories.

"She would say that she prayed for God to send her a hard-working farm boy - one with dark hair and skilled hands." John's chest rumbled with laughter; his amusement palpable in the air between us. "And one day, it was as if he appeared out of the heavens, right at Sampson's Feed store across the street from her daddy's farm."

As I slowly rose from the bed, the sheet draped around my waist, I pulled my legs up to my chest, lost in the recollection. "She loved that man more than anything - perhaps even more than she loved God, I think."

The bed shifted as John pressed his chest against my back, his warm breath sending a shiver down my spine.

"Have you ever felt that kind of love?" His whisper tickled my ear, his words laden with a depth of emotion.

Turning my head, our lips met in a soft, tender kiss, an unspoken connection weaving between us in the quiet intimacy of the moment.

"Does right now count?" I murmured between kisses, the warmth of our closeness enveloping us.

A smile played on John's lips as he pulled back slightly, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Well," he teased, gently guiding me into a lying position on the mattress, "you were certainly calling for him earlier."

We both laughed, the shared moment of levity breaking through any lingering tension. I wrapped my arms around his neck, our gazes meeting with a mix of affection and sincerity.

"You're so beautiful," He whispered, his words carrying a depth of feeling that stirred my heart.

My fingers tangled in his brown locks, finding their place at the nape of his neck. "As are you, John Egan." I replied, the unspoken bond between us growing stronger with each passing moment.

His lips met mine in a gentle manner, each light peck carrying a world of unspoken emotions, his hand tenderly caressing my cheek with a touch that spoke volumes. We lingered in that moment of quiet intimacy, the outside world fading into insignificance as we shared a silent connection that transcended words.

After a moment, he lifted himself up from the bed, leaving the sheet behind as he made his way to the curtained window. I watched as his back muscles moved beneath his skin, a silent display of tension and contemplation as he gazed out at the streets below. The sun had hidden behind the thickening clouds, casting the room into a dim twilight as the impending rain approached.

Quietly, I crawled out of the bed, the sheet slipping off my body as I closed the distance between us.

Instinctively, my arms wrapped around his mid-section, offering a comforting embrace. "Are you okay?" I whispered, pressing my lips against his back, seeking to convey my support through the simple contact of our bodies.

He let out a deep sigh, his body relaxing into my touch as his hands found their place atop mine. "You ever wonder if all of this is really worth it?" His voice held a weight of solemn reflection as he voiced the doubts that lingered in his mind. "All this killing and bombing - innocent lives lost every day, many of them unaware until it's too late." The heaviness of his words echoed the burdens he carried, the moral complexities of his actions weighing heavily on his conscience.

Listening to his inner turmoil, I felt a surge of empathy and understanding for the struggles he faced. "You can't beat yourself up about that, John," I spoke softly, offering reassurance in the face of his inner turmoil. "The choices you've made, the actions you've taken - they may be part of a larger conflict, but you have to remember the good you're fighting for, the lives you're trying to protect."

John and I barely knew one another, but even in the brief moments we shared, it was evident that the weight of war was bearing down heavily on him. His eyes, once bright with youthful vigor, now held a weariness that seemed to go beyond mere physical exhaustion. It was a weariness of the soul, a deep-seated fatigue born from the harrowing experiences he had endured on the battlefield.

"My pal Buck says the same thing," He remarked, a faint smile edging on his face as memories of their conversations flooded back. "He always told me to just worry about getting back home to Wisconsin – making sure our country and those helping us fight those German pricks win the battle – big or small."

As the rain began to drum against the windowpanes, a sense of shared vulnerability enveloped us, binding us together in a moment of shared empathy and support amidst the storm of uncertainty and doubt.

His hands fell from mine as he turned towards me, his eyes falling on my naked frame. The slightest hint of sadness could be seen in his irises. Without hesitation, I closed the gap between us, his callused hands reaching my thighs, bending down slightly as he hoisted me onto his hips. Our lips never separating, a muffled moan purred through my body as my back hit the wall next to the window. The cooling fall air that drifted in from the draft window was no match for the heat that coursed through my body as John’s touch lit a fire in and outside my body.

As our embrace deepened, the weight of the war seemed to momentarily fade away, replaced by a sense of raw connection and passion. In that fleeting moment, there was only the two of us, lost in a dance of desire and longing.

The world outside may have been engulfed in chaos and uncertainty, but within the walls of that room, time seemed to stand still. Each touch, each kiss, spoke volumes of unspoken emotions and desires. It was a moment of respite, a brief escape from the harsh realities of the outside world.

With the leverage from the wall, his hand made quick work as it moved between our bodies, his large fingers finding my clit, my hips responding as they moved against his touch.

“John, please.” My mouth latching onto his neck, an animalistic growl releasing from his body.

His paced quickened, “Tell me what you want.” His breath hot against my ear. “Tell me you want me to fuck you.”

My teeth biting down harder on his neck as my walls began to clench around his touch. “Goddammit, Rachel –“His words full of lust. “Tell me what you fucking want.”

The pleasure causing tears to form in my eyes, “Fuck me, John.” Out of breath. “Please just fuck me, please!” Without warning, his cock slammed into me. His lips harshly meeting mine, stifling the gasp that fell between our kiss.

The pace was fast – hard as our hips slapped against one another. His fingers digging into my sides as my nails dragged down his back, hard enough to pull away the first layer of skin.

“Harder.” I begged. “Oh God, please go harder!”

I cried out in pain as my back repeatedly hit the wall behind me – his cock swelling inside of me as we started to reach our climax.

The warm sensation soon flooded my core, the liquid rolling down my leg as his cock stayed buried inside of me. His lips peppering kisses along my collarbone as my fingers floated through his hair as we both regained our breath.

“I don’t think I’m gonna be able to make it back to the base.”

“And why’s that?” His hips slowly moving again.

“Because-“The friction between our hips causing us both to groan. “You’re gonna be the fucking death of me.”

As the soft glow of the vanity lights illuminated the room, casting a warm ambiance over the space, Dominik's footsteps echoed against the wooden floors, the sound a rhythmic accompaniment to the weight of the impending departure. His words lingered in the air, carrying with them a mixture of anticipation and melancholy.

"I spoke with Colonel Huglin over the phone today," His voice tinged with a hint of tension that belied the calm facade he tried to maintain. "It seems like everything is ready for our arrival in the morning."

I turned to face him, meeting his gaze in the reflection of the mirror. His hair, usually meticulously styled, now bore the tousled look of a man consumed by nerves and the weight of responsibility.

"My mother is going to take Charlotte back to the States once we get on the plane," Dominik continued, his words hanging between us with unspoken emotions. "I told her to stay here for a while, but she's insistent on getting out of England."

I couldn't help but inwardly roll my eyes at Marigold's insistence on whisking Charlotte away to New York. The prospect of being separated from my daughter for an unknown stretch of time tugged at my heart, the idea of her absence leaving an ache in its wake. While Dominik and Marigold argued that the military base was no place for a young girl, I couldn't shake the feeling that there were other children in the town who could keep her company.

“What time do we leave?” I asked, my voice tinged with concern.

Dominik checked his watch, furrowing his brow. “Huglin mentioned the plane will be ready at nine sharp. We need to be at the airfield no later than 8:30.”

I bit my lip, a pang of sadness washing over me. “Charlotte will still be sleeping when we leave. I can’t bear not saying goodbye to her. We don’t know how long we’ll be a part. Your mother isn’t gonna let me wake her that early.”

“Maybe it’s best we leave without saying goodbye.” Dominik suggested, his tone matter of fact.

I stood up from the vanity, feeling a surge of frustration. “You can’t be serious, Dom?”

He shrugged, his expression impassive. “You know how my mother is. She doesn’t want Charlotte upset. She’ll have to deal with a crying child when we leave.”

Dominik’s dismissal of my feelings stung. “I’ll have Mother call the base when they land in New York and you can talk to Charlotte then,” he continued, his hands moving down my arms.

Tensions crackled in the air as he towered over me. His words, though well-intentioned, felt like a cage closing in around me. “I know it’s hard to be away from the baby, but I need you with me. You’re my rock, sweetheart,” he murmured, planting a gentle kiss on my neck. “I can’t go anywhere without my special little rock.”

I felt a mix of emotions swirling inside of me – love, frustration, and a hint of resignation. Dominik’s ability to use intimacy to end arguments was both comforting and manipulative. I knew that arguing further would only lead to more tension. So, with a heavy heart, I relented, letting the moment of peace wash over us…

As I stood by Charlotte's bedside, the soft glow of the nightlight casting a warm aura over the room, memories flooded her mind. Remembering the first time I held Charlotte in her arms, the overwhelming rush of love and protectiveness that consumed my heart. It was a feeling unlike any other, a bond that transcended words and explanations.

Gently brushing a stray strand of hair away from Charlotte's face, I whispered, "Sweetheart, it's time for me to go now. But remember, mommy loves you more than anything in this world." My voice cracked with emotion as I fought back tears, hand trembling slightly as I traced the curve of her cheek.

She stirred slightly, her eyelids fluttering open to reveal sleepy, drowsy eyes. "Mama?" she murmured, her voice soft and filled with innocence.

My heart ached at the sight of my precious daughter looking up at me, so small and vulnerable in the dim light. "Hi, baby girl," my voice barely above a whisper. "I just wanted to say goodbye before I go."

She reached out a tiny hand, her fingers seeking the comfort of her mother's touch. "Don't go, Mama," she said, her voice tinged with a hint of sadness.

Tears welled up in my eyes, leaning in to press a gentle kiss on Charlotte's forehead. "I have to go, darling, but I'll be back before you know it. Grandmother will take good care of you while I'm away, okay?" I reassured her, my voice filled with love and tenderness.

With a heavy heart, I tucked the covers snugly around Charlotte, tucking her in with care. Lingering for a moment, savoring the quiet peace of the room before I reluctantly turned to leave.

As I stepped out into the hallway, a familiar voice made me jump in surprise. "A little early for tears, Rachel," Mari's voice floated towards her, her figure blending into the shadows of the room.

Startled, I clutched my chest, heart racing from the unexpected encounter. "Marigold, you nearly gave me a heart attack," I gasped, trying to steady my breathing.

Mari's gaze flickered towards Charlotte's room, her expression unreadable. "Dominik told you not to wake her," she reminded in a low tone. "You know how she gets when you leave her. It wasn't a wise choice, Rachel."

Feeling a pang of guilt, I nodded silently, realizing the impact of my actions. With a heavy sigh, I prepared myself for the difficult task ahead, knowing that leaving Charlotte behind was a sacrifice I had to make for now.

I watched as she retreated into Charlotte's room, glaring daggers as she closed the door behind her, the tension between us palpable in the air. I stood there for a moment, the silence of the house buzzing in my ears like a persistent drone, a stark contrast to the storm of emotions swirling within me. With a heavy exhale, I gathered my resolve and took a deep breath, steeling myself for what lay ahead. The faint sound of a car engine humming in the distance pulled me back to the present, prompting me to make my way towards the awaiting vehicle, each step feeling heavier than the last as I left the turbulent scene behind me.

The weather once again mimicked the mood, a common occurrence for England, with dark clouds looming overhead and a chilly wind cutting through the air. Despite the dreariness of the day, there was a certain familiarity in the gray skies and mist that enveloped the surroundings, as if nature itself was reflecting the emotional turmoil within.

My eyes met the driver's, a silent exchange of gratitude passing between us as he held the car door open, a small gesture that spoke volumes amidst the unspoken tension that lingered in the air. Dominik's body stiff beside me, his presence a palpable force in the confined space of the car.

"I told you to leave her alone, Rachel. I told you not to wake her, and of course, you never listen." Dominik's voice was low, the words carrying a weight of frustration and disappointment.

He stared out the window, his gaze fixed on the passing scenery outside, the rigid set of his jaw betraying his inner turmoil.

"After your little emotional moment," Dominik's voice cut through the tense silence in the car, his words laced with a hint of frustration. He paused; the weight of his gaze heavy as he turned to look at me briefly before returning his attention to the road ahead. "You better hope we're not late getting to the airfield."

His words stung, a stark reminder of the consequences of my actions and the impact they had on our plans. Guilt gnawed at me, knowing that my emotional outburst had potentially jeopardized Dominik's mission and the success of the operation ahead. The weight of his disapproval bore down on me, adding to the already heavy atmosphere in the car.

I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat making it difficult to form a coherent response. The reality of the situation sank in, the urgency of our mission overshadowing any personal grievances or misunderstandings between us. With a deep breath, I nodded silently, understanding the gravity of the situation and the need to focus on the task at hand.

As the car started to move away, my thoughts were consumed by Charlotte. I had envisioned our trip to Thorpe Abbots with Dominik as a special event, a chance for us to bond and create lasting memories together. Dominik, poised to become the 2nd colonel in command, was about to embark on a crucial mission to take down the German forces, and I had hoped to support him in this pivotal moment of his career.

However, as the weight of our unspoken tensions and misunderstandings hung heavy in the air, I couldn't shake the feeling of missed opportunities and shattered expectations. What was meant to be a moment of triumph and unity now seemed clouded by discord and distance.

[saturdaysky]

So… the God of Curiosity! How does he relate to the Lords of the Golden Hill? Is he invited in, is he seen as an interloper or usurper? Absolutely adore these two!

What a great question! I spent the morning refreshing myself on the Lords of the Golden Hills, which is the 5e gnomish pantheon, if anyone's unfamiliar. They are more active in the lives of their followers than other gods.

Also, sorry, this is where I reveal my superpower of being unable to write short answers to anything.

what's a god to a mayhew

Mayhew's parents are historians who take the name "the Forgotten Folk" as a personal insult, so he was weaned on myths and histories of the Lords of the Golden Hills. The Lords set Mayhew's expectations for what gods should be: invested and actively working to make things better.

(couldn't resist drawing mayhew and mamahew)

In game, Mayhew ran into many awful situations that he thinks good gods could have fixed, but didn't. Refugees slaughtered for sport, children locked in Cazador's dungeons for eternity, families enslaved and used as hostages, children murdered by Gortash's Steel Watch, you name it. These people surely prayed, but gods did not save them. Do gods who do nothing deserve worship?

Not to Mayhew. He was FULLY on board with Gale's astral boat scene logic of "we will be gods but BETTER because we CARE and DO STUFF." Mayhew is not a long-term thinker, especially if people are hurting right now, right in front of him. He sees only trees, never forests.

He views himself and Gale as being on their own side. All of his post-ascension decisions are based on them being an inseparable pair shaking up the system. He's not interested in being part of Lords of the Golden Hills.

what's a mayhew to a god

The Lords probably have mixed feelings about him. They would not invite him into their brotherhood. However, his goals often align with theirs, and as long as Mayhew didn't rock their boat too much, they'd be tenuous allies. More about Godhew and other gods under the cut!

Mayhew himself has many Glittergoldian qualities about him -- he's an elusive tale-teller and a sneak, and if you pried his coping mechanism sense of humor from him, he'd probably die on the spot -- so I think he'd get on with Garl Glittergold and Baervan Wildwanderer. Mayhew's not easily flustered, and he'd find it a hoot to be pranked by Garl, so I expect he'd pass any test of character Garl might run an upstart godling through.

Baravar Cloakshadow, god of illusions and deceptions, would be interesting. Mayhew is a born liar (deception is his second-highest skill after history) who cares deeply about protecting others, so on paper they're aligned. However, Baravar counts Mystra among his allies, so this alliance would be a strained one.

But the biggest reason Mayhew isn't interested in becoming a Lord of the Golden Hills? They're concerned primarily with the welfare of gnomes. As a god, Mayhew has broader designs than that.

a god for whom?

Mayhew cares about everyone, especially people who are unimportant. He was a latchkey kid who wandered all over the city from a very young age, poking his nose everywhere it shouldn't be and talking to people just to hear their stories. He probably even made friends with the sewer kobolds, despite historical bad blood between gnomes and kobolds. Most of the alliances Galehew make after ascension are Mayhew's doing. Gale is always grander and more powerful, but Mayhew is better-liked and better-loved by gods and mortals.

In particular, bleeding heart Mayhew is an ally and protector of children. Troublemakers, especially. The most common name he ends up being known by is the Children's God. In 5e, there doesn't actually seem to be a god FOR children, simply gods with "family" as part of their portfolio. To me, that reads as a god for parents. But Mayhew adores kids! In game, he looked out for all of them and spoiled them shamelessly via the barter menu. All the urchins got cash, clothing, trinkets, snacks, protective magical items, etc. He bought soup from Yenna every day. He gave Mattis 2000 gold (😭) for a key he never even used (😭)...and gave the amulet of greater health (😭)...and some grenades because all children should have a chance to make bad decisions...

To kids, he's like an imaginary friend who'll help you out of a tight spot, aid your capers, and shield you from terrors. When a child ages out of needing an imaginary friend, he's there as the God of Curiosity -- and what is curiosity without drive? Perhaps they'll follow their dreams in the footsteps of his partner, the God of Ambition. Completely unintentionally, Mayhew probably ensures the longevity of the Galerian religion this way.

Not all of Mayhew's ideals survive ascension, though he goes in with good intentions. He loses some of himself, but his love for people is the core of him. It doesn't change.

[pencilpat]

In Any Form You Take - dukeceit

Scar positivity, mostly made for the purpose of comforting myself, but I wanted to share it as well. I hardly see media involving people with scars as gnarly as mine, so hopefully this can bring others comfort as well. The title is a reference to this song.

Read on Ao3 here

[Content warning for implied past self harm and current body image issues.]

Remus sits splayed out on its bed, trying to act like it isn't waiting for something. Janus has, for the first time in the months they've been dating, agreed to stay the night in its room. He disappeared into the bathroom to change almost 30 minutes ago, and Remus would be lying if it said it wasn't worried. It turns over to look at the ceiling, making bored popping noises with its lips.

It doesn't blame Janus for any nervousness there may be, Janus hasn't been naked around... well, any of the sides for as long as it can remember. Remus can't place when it happened, but as Thomas grew up and Janus became more engrossed in his role, he started to cover up everything. Literally and metaphorically. Long sleeves and even gloves, at one point when they were a teen he even had a half mask on his face before everyone discovered his snake-like features.

Remus knows Janus must be getting into pyjamas, and the sound of shuffling indicates it doesn't have to speculate for very much longer. Janus cracks open the door slightly, just enough to see his face, his long hair down and swaying by his chin. "Remus?"

"Yeah, Janus? Everything okay in there?"

"Yes. I'm okay. I- I just need you to not act weird, okay? Can you promise?"

Remus sits up cross-legged, face scrunched up in confusion. It chuckles slightly, rolling its eyes. "All I ever do is act weird, but I can tone it down for ya."

"Remus, I'm serious."

It takes pause, blinking and tilting its head to the side softly. Janus's tone of voice is heavily somber and almost nervous, and it's not one that Remus hears often. "Uh, okay. I promise, no weirdness."

Janus takes in a deep breath, and the door opens. His hand falls from the knob and holds his own wrist anxiously, eyes refusing to make contact with a nervous attempt at a coy smile filling his features. "I- I know it's a lot, feel free to stare and ogle as long as you'd like." Janus's biting sarcasm feels completely toothless, and he can't quite make himself look at Remus's face. So, when its suddenly right in front of him, he startles and gasps quietly. But as he's pulling away, Remus is reaching towards him.

"Stare and act weird at you about this? What? Why would I be that mean?" Remus lets its hand hover between them as it waits for a sign that it's okay to touch. It tries not to look outwardly fascinated by the scars that cover its boyfriend's arms almost entirely, all thick and bumpy in varying shades of purple and white. Old, but definitely some nasty keloids.

"Remus you've done meaner things in your sleep, don't play with me." Janus laughs and it comes out strained. Cringing at himself, he barely feels present all of a sudden. Like he's floating. Dizzy, lightheaded. "I know you've seen scars before, though you only seem to have them for a short time when you do get them, but they... stayed on me." Janus rubs his own arm, horrifically textured no matter what he does, breathing out shakily. Remus is observing him silently, and Remus is never silent. It makes him terrified. "Sorry, I know they're gross, this was probably overstepping. It was wrong to assume you'd be okay with it, I can go back to my own-"

Remus's hands close the gap, and rests right there, directly touching his scars. "Nah, you assumed right, I don't mind one bit!" It smiles, sharp teeth gleaming at him. "The shit you've seen me touch and you thought I'd find you gross? Jan, that's so unintelligent that I barely recognize you." Janus is frozen in place, his eyes watching Remus's face as it touches his arm, running its hands over even the ones Janus won't let himself touch. A gentle smile fills its face, and it leans in to plant a kiss on Janus's cheek. "Certainly adds a bit of dramatic flair to one's body, huh?"

Janus feels tears in his eyes, glancing to the side as Remus kisses his scales. He can't seem to make words come out of his mouth, because if they did it would just be bashful apologies and humiliated proclamations of how ugly he is.

"Did someone tell you you were gross?" Remus asks, bizarrely quiet and soft compared to its usual self.

"God no, I'd rather die than show any of the others this. No, I did all the name calling myself, thank you very much."

Remus's arms wrap around him in a hug, gripping him tightly. "Well then tell that asshole to shut up for once, why don't you?" It buries its face into Janus's shoulder. "I will hunt down and eat anyone who ever says those things to you, and that includes you yourself!"

"Remus..." Janus can't help a light, comforted chuckle at the expression of violence. "You won't be eating anyone, down boy," he jokes, laughing even as he's sniffling.

Remus pulls back, gazing at him fondly. "You're really pretty, Janus. Scars included." Its eyes darken playfully. "And when I see a pretty boy I want him in my bed!" Remus suddenly swoops Janus up over its shoulder like a sack, making the smaller side yelp and cling to it upside down. Without time to adjust he's chucked haphazardly into a pile of pillows, wheezing out a laugh and covering his face.

"My god, you're so dumb. Fine then, bed me Mr. Duke," Janus dramatically throws a hand against his forehead and lays back as though on a fainting couch.

Remus cackles and throws itself on the pillows right beside him. "No offense, babe, but I'm exhausted and I'd rather just cuddle and feel up your sick ass battle wounds, if you'd let me. I can even scream dramatically and act like I stepped in horse shit if that'll validate your self flagellation!"

"Oh, how caring and noble an offer," Janus quips, rolling his eyes and cuddling against Remus's chest. They both laugh, and then go quiet, staring across at each other.

"Love you," Remus offers up.

"Love you too," Janus accepts, the room darkening as Remus wills it to and settling them into darkness for sleep.

[aroeddiediaz]

A confession

If there’s one thing Eddie can give credit to the Catholics for, it’s that they build beautiful churches. Dim light streams through the stained glass windows, making the images of the Virgin Mary and Jesus glow. His shoes click on the glossy marble floor as he passes rows of empty pews. 

He enters the confessional and sits. The priest’s voice comes through the grate in the wall. “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

“Amen.” Eddie’s mouth is dry. He clears his throat and speaks, voice measured, but with a thread of uncertainty in it. “Bless me father, for I have sinned.”

“It’s been, oh, 18 or so years since my last confession. I haven’t really kept track of when I stopped doing this. Uh, I’m not really sure where to start.”

“That’s quite all right,” the priest says. “Start with what’s troubling you most.”

“I fucked up- sorry, messed up. I messed up badly, and now my son won’t speak to me. It’s been months and we still haven’t been able to have a real conversation.”

The priest said “I see. Would you mind telling me my details of what happened “

“I cheated on my girlfriend. Well, sort of to be honest, it wasn’t exactly cheating. We never did anything. The thing is, she looked exactly like my late wife. Shannon. I knew it was messed up from the beginning, but I felt like it was fate or something. Like it was a chance for a do-over. My first marriage was rough. We married young, mostly because I got her pregnant. And then I joined the military. I thought I was supporting her, but to be honest, I was just running away. I wasn’t scared of the baby, I think. 

What I was scared of was becoming like my parents. My dad, he was an engineer, and he often had to travel. And that put a strain on his marriage with my mom. They tried to keep it from me, but I would hear them having whispered arguments in the kitchen at night when I was asleep or over the phone. And my mom wasn’t happy, because she needed him, and he wasn’t there. So a part of me was afraid. Afraid of that even if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to be better than my dad. So instead, I found a nobler  reason to run.

The thing is though, I don’t know if we would’ve been able to have that ideal relationship, the one I used to dream about seeing when I was a little boy. Shannon and I had our fights. Even after I came back from the war, I couldn’t be emotionally available to her, and she couldn’t handle the burdens that I placed on her, so she left me. I was drowning on my own before I moved to LA. Then I found support. And then she came back. I thought that I could fix things. Make sure she wouldn’t want to leave me again. But as much as I cared about her, I think maybe what I loved the most was the idea of our relationship. 

She asked me for a divorce, Two days after that, she died. I guess no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t get past that. I thought I was doing things right. I thought I was being enough. But there was something that I was missing.

I tried to fix it, in my other relationships. I thought that the problem was the burdens that we went through when we were still young and we made mistakes. So when I dated Ana, I tried to be the perfect partner. Then I got shot and she ended up helping to nurse me back to health. and I think I realized during that time that, despite all the emotional labor, each of us had put into that relationship, it never felt like a relationship that should be long-term. It felt like we were both acting the parts of a play. I just wish that I broke it off sooner.

So then I thought maybe the issue was the expectations I placed on the relationship. I went into my relationship with Ana thinking that I needed to find a replacement for Shannon. I needed a new wife and a mother for Christopher. When I dated Marisol, I tried to let go of those expectations and just do things naturally. But I think I was convincing myself that if I waited long enough, those feelings would eventually emerge. But they never did. I just ended up feeling guilty here and guiltier overtime because we were dating and we were getting to know each other better, but my heart wasn’t really in it. And that’s when I saw Kim.

I shouldn’t have pursued her. But I think that a part of me hoped that if I could get closure from someone who looks so much like her, that I would be able to fix whatever was broken inside of me,whatever it was that wouldn’t let me move on. I was certain by that point that whatever my feelings for Shannon were, however complicated they were, that was the closest thing to true love that I had ever experienced. And I hope that if I confronted them with someone who could help me move on, then I would finally get over this weird mental block I had with Marisol, or someone else.

It was wrong. I think I knew that the whole time. But I didn’t stop until my best friend found out what was happening and confronted me. I told Kim everything. Well, I didn’t tell her about Marisol. But I thought that would’ve been the end of it.

Kim came back though. She actually tried to dress up like Shannon, she cut her hair to look similar and she changed her clothing. And she got me to do this role-play where I could bear out my grievances, and when I did, I thought for a moment that maybe this was it. I could explain to her why her breaking my heart hurt so much and how she had changed something inside of me.

Of course, that’s when Christopher and Marisol walked in. Marisol broke up with me of course, and Chris wouldn’t speak to me. He even got his grandparents to come pick him up and take him back to their home in El Paso. And he hasn’t come back yet.

I thought Kim would help me fix me, or help me find clarity. But I’m more confused now than ever.

I think now, that as much as I liked, and admired, and enjoyed being around Shannon, that maybe, I was never actually in love with her. I think maybe I can’t. I know what love is. I love my son. I love my friends. I even love my parents, even though I’m more frustrated with them now than ever. I think the love I have for Shannon is the kind of love that I would feel for anyone who has gone through so much struggle with me, but not the kind that a husband should have for his wife.”

The priest is silent for a long moment. “You have been through a lot, it is not a surprise that you are confused. I think that you have an idea in your head of how a relationship should look. But that is not what is necessary.“

Eddie says, “I know that a marriage doesn’t have to be what the church considers right. I know that it doesn’t have to be a man and a woman and two kids and a picket fence. But I have seen how happy my friend and her wife are. I have seen how happy my coworker has been with his wife who was previously in an abusive relationship, and I have seen my captain and his wife have found new love despite both of their spouses' untimely deaths. I’ve seen how my best friend looks when he’s in love, when he’s heartbroken. What does it say about me that I don’t think I’ll ever feel those feelings? What does it say about me that I destroyed my bond with my son and hurt him so badly in pursuit of it?“

The grate between their booths in the confessional obscures the priest’s face, but when he glances through he can see a gentle smile. “It means that you are different from them. And that is not a bad thing. It does not mean that you are broken, or that you are wrong. Maybe you won’t fall in love. Maybe you will never find what kind of relationship you have wished for. But that does not mean that you won’t have fulfillment. You love your job, right? You love your son, and your friends. Maybe others have told you that you need more in your life to be truly happy, but I think that as long as you’re being truly honest with yourself, that is what matters.”

Eddie isn’t sure he can just accept that, not yet. Not when the distance between him and Chris is still a gaping wound. Still, it’s nice to hear from someone who should be condemning him for his failures that he can fix things. “Thank you, Father.”

[stillfoodforguys]

I don’t know what it is about me that made me such a magnet for predators. But I’d somehow formed my main friendship group with three tall, stocky, dominant guys who had all swallowed me for their amusement multiple times. I always figured it was safe to keep them around since they all released me each time, but I was unaware of their secret plan to work together and use me for one final night of enjoyment.

The group of us arranged a lads holiday that had been great fun so far. During the day the preds would tan their beefy bodies at the beach, always followed by a wild night touring the local bars and filling their bellies with beer. Often one of them would get drunk enough to tease me about getting eaten right there in the street, having to be pulled away by the other two before his drooling mouth could wrap itself all the way over my head.

As if I hadn’t already spent enough time staring down someone’s throat while we were here, the time finally came to unleash their plan when we arrived back at our hotel room on the last night. Surrounded by the three massive men, I was pinned between their soft, fat bellies and commanded to pick one of them to swallow me. They all smiled and licked their lips as they looked down at my flustered face, and once I made my choice my head was quick to be engulfed in darkness by the lucky guy.

Unable to control himself, the first pred wasted no time devouring me, the action of his powerful throat muscles making me whimper as they painfully clenched my body and worked it down towards his stomach. Usually it was quite a pleasant experience, but I guess I’d never seen what a truly hungry beast like him could achieve if he was desperate enough. He collapsed on the sofa behind him after gulping down my feet, panting and groaning at the strain exerted on his stomach after it expanded so suddenly.

Fortunately for him, the other men were prepared to offer him some soothing service, having his nipples sucked by one while the other made out with him and stroked his throbbing cock. Combined with the feeling of my body swirling inside him as I tried to reposition myself, his uncomfortable groaning turned to blissful moaning. He found so much pleasure in everyone’s worship that he soon shot his load over his huge gut, which gradually trickled down and pooled in his navel while he relaxed.

Once he was feeling up to the task, he pressed his belly inwards and forced me back up through his throat. I was kindly brought to the shower by a second of my friends, who was clearly planning to have some fun of his own. Under the pretence of helping me clean off, his hands wandered around my wet, naked body while he hugged me from behind. I could feel his breath on my neck while he massaged my chest and rubbed my crotch, all the while teasing me by slipping his long, hard member up and down between my ass cheeks.

Instead of fucking me like I was dying for him to do, he spun me around and took hold of my hands, guiding them into his mouth where his tongue could softly play with them before he swallowed them. He was a little more patient than the previous guy, pausing to lick and taste each part of my body before taking his next gulp. His body was also much warmer with the steamy shower running over his belly, the heat growing stronger as I travelled deeper inside him and reaching unbearable levels by the time I was fully sealed inside his stomach.

While I attempted to get more comfortable in this guy’s gut than the last one, he revealed to me that the remaining predator had a cruel plan to devour me permanently. I was promised that if I squirmed for my current captor, he would keep me safely inside him until we returned home. Driven by the fear of becoming an actual meal for someone after all these years, I followed his instructions and gave him an internal massage to enjoy while he jerked off. I could feel his body tense up once his orgasm finally hit, screaming out with joy as thick ropes of cum pumped out of him and landed across the tiled ground.

I hoped that I could finally get some peace, settling down as I felt the slimy walls surrounding me relax for a moment. But unfortunately, I had fallen for a nasty trick that used up all the energy that might have helped me escape my upcoming fate. I was thrown up out of his stomach and dumped onto the bathroom floor, the satisfied bully laughing as he left the room and falsely wished me luck with my third and final experience.

I crept across the hall to try and grab my clothes, hoping to flee the hotel and find some way of making it home safely. I barely made it a few steps before I froze in fear, noticing the shadow cast by the large, imposing figure of the man who was waiting behind the door to ambush me. The third of my friends tackled me to the ground, drooling profusely due to the deep hunger that had built up inside him while he waited for his turn.

He slobbered all over my feet as he brought them up to his face, inserting them gradually into his gaping maw so that he could savour every tiny detail of my taste. It was the slowest and most sickening ordeal I had faced yet, being forced to submit to an almost endless bout of grunting and gulping as this ravenous beast of a man consumed me, knowing full well that I didn’t have the power to escape from him. As his tongue slathered the entire surface of my body with saliva, he would take his time to let it absorb my flavour before slurping it down his throat alongside the next portion of his delicious, meaty meal.

After subjecting me to about ten minutes of this torture, it finally reached the point where his lips were around my neck, lightly choking me before he took his final gulp. My last glimpse of the outside world was stolen from me as my head sank into the darkness of his throat, eventually resting inside his swollen stomach with the rest of me. With a victorious belch, he wandered back towards his other friends and sat between them on the sofa, raising his arms for both men to shuffle in closely.

With their heads shoved beneath his musky pits and their hands all over his stuffed belly, the apex predator of the group digested me for good while I lay tired and motionless deep inside him. His cock leaked as he revelled in the hands-free pleasure of being worshipped while feeling full and satisfied, looking forward to finding some new prey to befriend in future and do this all over again.

[crazy-pages]

I am still not over the changes my ADHD meds have made. This is such a simple and silly thing, but I get confused now when I start a podcast back up. I often have to rewind a bit to figure out what they were talking about. Because every single incompleted thing in my life isn't stuck bouncing around in short-term storage. Podcast.exe was not put into sleep mode where it still consumes 5% RAM and 3% CPU power, it was *shut down.* And I don't have to burn half of my CPU and RAM at all times keeping track of all my sleeping processes and making sure that when one of them randomly takes the lead again I can notice and bounce back to the thing I actually want to be my primary process. Because my head is not filled with secondary processes bouncing around all the time!

And what's more, stuff actually gets encoded to long-term memory when I shut stuff down! It's not perfect (though I don't think it is for anybody), but not only can I remember all the things I need to do it at work this Monday, I can actually remember that I wrote down a list of what I need to do and check it, rather than my brain lumping on to whatever thing immediately grabs my attention when I sit down and killing CheckTaskList.exe. (Because it's not that my brain didn't shutdown tasks ever, it's that it simply dropped tasks when I ran out of working memory and didn't commit them to long-term storage).

Gods, like ... I still have to sew these buttons back on to a couple of my clothes which I haven't done for months. But it used to be that the reminder to do that was bouncing around in my head a good 30% of the time I was existing, and it simply never became a primary process while I was in a position to do anything about it. But I just didn't think of it this weekend. But it's still there, if I choose to think to myself about things I need to do, it comes up!

And I still need to learn to work with that. I've got to train myself to set up regularly scheduled time during intervals when I've got energy to get stuff done, then bring up that list of things I need to do and do some stuff on it. As opposed to what I was doing before, which was letting whatever third of my to-do list was occupying my brain at any given time run (as if I could stop it) and making an effort to fix high priority things that came up when I was in a position to do them even if I was exhausted, I'm doing my best to handle the low priority stuff if it came up when I had spare energy. Which I rarely did, because see above.

It's wild, even on days when I don't take my meds (my psychiatrist told me that at higher doses skipping a day every once in awhile can help prevent tolerance buildup) it's still not even the same world I was living in before. Because half the problem wasn't that had all these background processes running around, it's that the strain of managing it at all times didn't even leave enough energy for the wrangling program which takes up half my CPU and half my RAM! I was burnt out just on existing. But now if I don't take my meds on a lazy Saturday, sure my attention wanders and I pick up new threads that occupy brain space. But I'm not dealing with last week's threads as well, and I actually have the energy to manage them.

It made an immediate difference when I first took my meds at a high enough dosage, because obviously being able to actually manage mental threads helps. But it doesn't make as much of a difference to go off my meds if it's for just a day, because my ADHD is at least managable if I have the mental energy which ADHD previously denied me.

Just because Podcast.exe hasn't been buzzing about chewing on a fraction of my resources since the last time I listened three days ago.

It's amazing.

[multi-kpop-fanfics]

half past five high - chapter 5 (beginning of the end)

pairing: joshua x fem!reader || mingyu x fem!reader (ft. a brief appearance of jeonghan)

genre: angst, smut. minors dni.

warnings: heartbreak, arguments, making out, biting, hair pulling, dry humping, cursing, toxic relationship, slapping, infidelity, drama, slutshaming

word count: ~1.9k

summary: it’s all fun and games until everything comes crashing down like a tower made of paper cards.

Author’s note: yes it has returned from the war - huge thank you to @himbocoups (“if I were him i'd send that giant block of steel flying straight at yn”), @flowerwonu (”bro i wouldnt even give myself a second chance”), @playmetheclassics (”i mean, its hard to think with anything else when its mingyu”) and @dkakapizzaboy​ (”Can you write me as a character and I can be Shua’s new love interest because I love him and I’m crying”) for proofreading and reviewing this chapter 💕

series taglist:  @delicatewerewolfsoul @aliceu @husbandhoshi @wonwoosthetic @boowanie @billboard-singer @gaebestie @aurumness@xrubyrosesx @lovelyhan @himbocoups @playmetheclassics @dkakapizzaboy

unable to tag: @jaeyux @chwebychew

© multi-kpop-fanfics, 2023. No reposting allowed. No translating without permission allowed.  

Your nerves are still buzzing, the mess that Mingyu created last night has fully gotten to your head and it isn’t coming out of your system any time soon.

Your hands are deeply threaded in your hair as you tug at the roots in frustration, anxiously pacing in the room.

God, you hated this, you hated Mingyu, you hated yourself, you hated everything.

An apocalypse could happen around you, but you would still ignore everything because right now, your mind revolves around Kim Mingyu.

You can’t even remember that your phone is still downstairs, on the garden table, to be specific - where Joshua is still enjoying his breakfast, trying to organize his schedule.

He takes a sip of his coffee, when your phone buzzes repeatedly as your Instagram notifications go off.

Joshua is always mindful of privacy and he has absolute faith in you - but seeing Mingyu’s Instagram handle pop up on your screen makes his skin itch.

His curiosity and newfound insecurity get the better of him and he unlocks your phone (putting his birthday as your password isn’t always the best idea), checking your conversations with Mingyu.

mingyu_k: you’re a damn bitch y/n

mingyu_k: this is all ur fault

mingyu_k: ditching me for a pretty boy and a pretty ring

He makes the mistake of scrolling upwards, reading some of the messages Mingyu has sent you in the past, the majority of them vulgar and depraved, expressing his primal urges - sometimes with nudes.

To his dismay, he sees a lot of your pictures, some dressed ones and some nudes, often reciprocating Mingyu’s whore tendencies.

He closes Instagram, setting the phone down and he runs his hands over his face, gripping his nape. His eyes are wide and his breathing is getting quicker and unsteady, panic overcoming his senses.

He doesn’t remember when was the last time he felt like that - utterly betrayed, scorned and mad as fuck.

You, his precious angel, his beautiful girl, cheating on him with the one person he hates the most.

And he finds out right after proposing to you.

God, he feels so fucking stupid.

He hears your quick footsteps from the stairs and he tries to compose himself when you appear within his field of vision again.

"Where are you off to?" He asks, noticing you have already changed into some sweats and a pair of sneakers.

"I…need to settle some business from…yesterday," you mutter, picking your phone and putting it in your purse, the keys of your car tight in your hand.

"Y/N?" Joshua calls you before opening the door to leave.

"Yeah?"

A beat of silence.

"Hope you'll have a good day, angel."

You just nod with a strained smile, closing the door behind you and you rush to your car, revving up the engine to drive away, your destination - Mingyu's apartment.

“Do you have any fucking idea of what you did last night or do I have to come over and punch some goddamn sense into your pretty head?”

“I would appreciate it if you could not scream into my ear first thing in the morning,” Mingyu groans, rubbing his forehead, the alcohol in his system still in effect.

“Oh, I’m sorry for causing his Majesty a headache because he’s a pro shit stirrer!” Jeonghan angrily yells into the phone.

“Okay fine, stop yelling! Just…tell me what happened already!” Mingyu whines, pouring himself a glass of water.

“What happened is that the ladies you picked up from the club last night are all over the fucking internet, whoring out with YOU in YOUR house and MY club and the place is now swarming with goddamn paparazzis!”

“Wait- what?”

“You fucking heard me!” Jeonghan barks, “You better get your ass over here and clean up the mess you and your dick have made before I call my lawyer!”

“Fuck, hyung, just- give me a goddamn minute!” Mingyu yells from the other end of the line while trying to put on a pair of sweats and answer the furiously ringing doorbell.

“Shit- coming!” He rushes to the door and opens it in a haste. His expression turns stone cold when he sees you standing right on his doorstep.

“Jeonghan hyung, I gotta go,” he merely responds on the phone and blatantly ignores the older man spitting curses, ending the call and sliding his phone in the pocket of his sweats.

“Seems like everyone is scheming to push trouble towards me today,” he comments, irony laced in his voice.

“Not really needed, since you’re the firstborn of trouble!” you spit back, slamming the door shut as you walk into the apartment.

“Hey, that’s my door and my fucking apartment, so watch it!” he growls at you.

“Or what? What are you gonna do about it, Mingyu? Yell at me some more and then go cause more trouble and bring more people into it? Because you excel in it!” you sneer.

Mingyu grips your arms and pushes you back on the heavy door, his eyes seething with rage.

“At least I’m not fucking around with people and deciding to put a ring on my hand when things get boring all of a sudden.”

“How dare you?!” You yell right into his face, but he slams his lips on yours to shut you up. He tugs at your bottom lip with his teeth and you whine as you try to wiggle your arms out of his iron-like grip.

“I’ve told you before - We’re made of the same shitty material, darling.”

“But you’re way more fucked up than I am,” You slide one of your arms out of his hand and thread it into his hair, forcefully yanking his head back.

“Not the case anymore, love,” Mingyu chuckles dryly, “I’m just here to fuck around - You’re the real homewrecker in this little game.”

He runs his teeth over your slightly exposed shoulder and bites down on your soft skin, his sharp canines leaving two very visible dents behind.

Him and his fucking teeth, you moan and Mingyu takes it as a green light to rub himself all over your crotch. You can feel the outline of his cock through his sweats right on top of your cunt and you swear your sanity is already starting to slip away.

“Always so fucking pliant and weak for me,” He licks over the spot, “Ready to drop everyone and everything for me, even if you’re not my first choice.”

Your breath is hitched in your throat as you realize the meaning of his words and you pull yourself away from him, slapping him across his face.

“Fuck you, Kim Mingyu,” you scream at his face, “You think this is all a game to you, huh?!”

“Who are you to judge?!” He yells back, “You had every single ounce of strength to ignore me but you decided to think with your pussy instead of your brain!”

He slams his hand on the door right next to your face, making you flinch.

“Just because you let me in your pants doesn’t mean I’m the one controlling them,” He firmly states and you push his hand away, turning on your heel to leave his apartment in a rush.

Your feet carry you all the way down to the entrance of the apartment block and you get into the car, slamming the door shut.

You let your pent up feelings get the better of you and you scream on top of your lungs, repeatedly hitting the steering wheel.

“God, I’m such a fucking loser.”

You close the door behind you, sliding down on the tiled floor, tears freely staining your face.

You feel stupid - You thought you could have played with Mingyu and you actually thought you could win this game.

Well fucking joke’s on you.

“You’re back.” Joshua’s voice snaps you out of it and you get up from the floor, walking towards the kitchen to find him leaning against the counter, his steel suitcase right next to him.

“Josh? What is this?” You wipe your face, glancing towards the suitcase, “A-Are you leaving on a trip?”

“The truth is.” He clears his throat, “I never really left, Y/N. I was always here - even if not physically, you were always in my mind, we were always in my mind.”

“I d-don’t understand-”

“Why were you at his house?”

You freeze.

“What? What are you talking-”

“Please, for the love of God, Y/N - Just don’t play dumb with me,” his tone is sour and upset, stabbing you like a well-sharpened knife.

“I….I’m-” You open up your mouth, but you feel your words die down in your throat when you feel his hand brush your hair back to reveal the teeth marks left by Mingyu, a small scoff echoing from his lips.

“....How long?”

“Joshua…”

“I said…How long?” Joshua repeats the question, a bit louder this time.

“.....Since Paris.” you admit and he steps away, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Are you fucking serious, Y/N? Him?”

“Shua, it was a mistake-”

“Something that happens repeatedly isn’t a mistake anymore, it’s a choice,” he retorts sternly, visibly struggling to keep his temper in check.

A beat of silence passes and you swallow thickly, a fresh stream of tears rolling down your cheeks.

"You know…It's really ironic how you've been lying right into my face like that, but for some sick and twisted reason, I still want to fight for this relationship, the time we spent together, Y/N.....I just love you so fucking much that it sickens me to know you fuck that damn manwhore - God, he doesn't even know what love is-"

"Maybe he wasn't given the chance to l-"

"So you decided to be that chance? You really thought you could teach that arrogant, selfish, destructive asshole how to love - right in this damn house, OUR house?"

"Joshua, I-"

"I honestly don't know who's the more stupid out the two of us, Y/N. I really don’t." Joshua cuts you off, “All I know is that I hate myself for not realizing sooner.”

“Joshie, wait!” You move from your spot when you see him grabbing his suitcase, ready to walk out of the door.

“For how long, Y/N? I’ve waited for so damn long already,” he replies nonchalantly, his words utterly devoid of emotions.

“I can still fix this, we can talk this out - I just…Just give me a chance and I promise you, I will fix everything!” you plead, your hands holding his wrist, tears welling up in your eyes again.

“That’s exactly the problem, Y/N - you’re still making this about you. Not us.” He gives you a strained smile and he lets go of your hands, opening the door and stepping out.

“I will stay at a hotel downtown for a few days,” he informs you, “I believe it should be enough time for you to decide what you really want.”

These are the last words he says before closing the door shut behind him.

It feels like the air in the room has turned colder and the walls have gotten gloomier within those split seconds of Joshua leaving, but the realization of his absence hasn’t reached your rational parts of your brain yet.

The emotional ones, however, are wide awake and you wish they weren’t - you wish it was all a bad dream and if you pinch yourself, you’ll just wake up in your king sized bed, right next to Joshua.

But the bad dream is the reality you have to face now - the very one you shaped with your own two hands, unbeknownst to the man you’re supposed to love and cherish.

The fucking irony.

[onlyseokmins]

touch • l.s.m.

Pairing: lee seokmin x afab!reader Genres: smut (minors dni!) Warnings: lower-case intended, self-indulgent... maybe some swearing, MUCH SHAME (for me, myself, and i - not any of you or even seokmin himself), jdkskakwkw i genuinely have no words good lord lmk if i should add smth WC: tumblr mobile bby 💀 A/N: it was SUPPOSED to be a 1/4 of how long it ended up but the only warning i have for this is it is fully elv indulgent ofc so take it as you will but i hold 0 responsibility. fyi this is all @duhnova's fault tbh as always for making me think abt this nonstop grrrr 😭😂 OKAY and i'll try and stop writing seok content istg

"no," you scold and bat away one of seokmin's trembling hands that get a little too close to your thigh, "no touching."

he whimpers. full on whimpers, tears threatening to spill out from his half-closed eyes. it's a little unfair if he thinks about it. that is - if he can even properly form a thought in his fucked-out, clouded state of mind.

there's something feral that engulfs your entire being. it's lit like a spark from the way his cheeks are flushed, perspiration lining where messy bangs flop against the pillows. the rest of his hair frazzled adorably after tossing and turning futilely while you'd marked up his neck with little bites and kisses. long fingers grip and twist at the bedsheets, veins protruding and forearm muscles rippling at his desperation.

yet seokmin listens and behaves. even as his biceps twitch and his chest stutters at each labored breath he inhales. hips remaining still as he can because of your earlier command, yet a tiny spasm jerks through them at such strained efforts. but he still obeys.

it's so unfair how pretty he is. the pants and whines and moans escaping his mouth only add more to the salvitating experience.

but it's awfully unfair how he can't touch YOU. oh, how he wants to. so bad. his mind spins. you're everywhere. plush thighs squeeze around his waist, ass cheeks resting on top of his shaking thighs, fingernails running across his abs and up to tweak at his nipples before palms press against his shoulders just to lift yourself up ever so slightly.

"oh," and "ohhh," he gasps helplessly. both out loud and as the singular ringing thought bouncing inside the emptiness of his poor brain.

"what's wrong, baby?"

you dirty little vixen.

"wanna... touch.. wanna touch you... so bad."

"but you are touching me, my sweet."

indeed. your warm, wet, sweet, tight pussy is enveloping his cock inside its velvety walls. clenching around him every so often as his thickness jolts and twitches whenever you shift. the tip brushes just right against the bundle of nerves he's memorized to find, though this time it's of your own doing. you continue to tease him. which is almost so mean and cruel as you coo at him with an ego-induced smirk.

"not the s-same."

he's complaining but you actually feel so good. delightful. oh, how he wants to touch you so bad himself. hands confusingly jealous of his cock that gets to be inside and experience exhilarating contact with your lovely body. exactly where he wants it, where it should be, and thankfully it's being taken care of. but he still longs to feel your skin buried beneath his fingertips.

seokmin bites down on his lip. your gaze lazily flickers to the action, watching as his eyebrows furrow and unfurrow. thrillingly, they match in time with the pulsating of your cunt around him as he tries to hold off his impending release.

how delicious he is.

sweat droplets trickle down the length of his flexed and tense arms, dripping onto the sheets. almost worried he'll rip them and fearing an injury to his pretty lips, you lean down. supple breasts sliding against the hard planes of his upper body. teething at the release of his lower lip that juts out in a pout before swiping your tongue across it.

he welcomes your mouth against his, a messy but loving kiss. full of spit and gnashing of teeth. and the only reason you pull away is to simply whisper in his ear, "go ahead and touch, my good boy."

and with a relieved, guttural groan - seokmin does. breathlessly thanking you. his appreciative actions are fast and sloppy. you'd laugh at how similar he is to a kid in a candy store who's allowed to pick whatever they want. but the following series of events steal away any playful humor and you are left with only shock and awe.

because as soon as seokmin feels the sensation of your soft, sweaty skin he knows so well - a reverent yet feeble graze against the juncture of your hips that he normally holds when you're riding him - he's gone. barely even touching you like he so wanted, the lightest brush of your skin sets him off and he's throbbing achingly inside of you. absolutely shredding the slipping leash on his collared control. painting your walls white and you watch slack-jawed as he convulses beneath you with a deep moan and subsequently, heaving a ginormous sob.

and you have no choice but to milk him for all he's worth, a couple of quick bounces while his release still dribbles out of his cock and what doesn't stay inside of your cunt soils the ruined bedsheets. your walls flutter around him and he's whimpering again - this time at the oversensitivity. but the sound is pathetic enough to trigger your climax. praises fall from your mouth even though he came without permission. but that doesn't matter to you because everything is perfect about him. he knows this by your own loving death grip over one of his large hands that dig into your sides.

"i love you," he can't help but murmur dazedly and you slump against him, nibbling gently on his collarbone as you come down from your high.

"i love you more."

you whisper sweet nothings to one another while cuddling, little kisses exchanged between soft words because he refuses to let you go. his hands innocently run up and down the curves of your body, clingy as ever when he's denied the privilege to touch you during sex. and you love it. taking full advantage of his neediness whenever you can. and of course, he lets you whenever you want because he's your very own sweet beloved, good boy.