#if i see one motherfucker shitting on the new announcements

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Too many fucks in the hotel kitchen (most of them thankfully not literal) (MOST of them)

Angel Dust: “Are you TRYIN’ to kill me???”

Vaggie: “If I was, I wouldn’t have missed.”

Angel Dust: “YOUR SPEAR ALMOST SHAVED OFF MY CHEST FLUFF”

Vaggie: “You looked at Charlie and said ‘ugh’.”

Angel Dust: “No shit I said UGH! Your girlfriend’s oozing demonic tar all over the kitchen!”

Vaggie: “So? She’s allowed to have midnight snacks without being a night person.”

Angel Dust: “Not all over my bagel she isn’t!”

Charlie: “???bAGeL???”

Angel Dust: “Oh hell no you don’t-”

Vaggie: “Give her the bagel and it’ll give me time to make pancakes.”

Charlie: “!!!!!!pAN-----CAkEsssssss!!!”

Angel Dust: “…you’re fucking one fucking creepy lady, lady.”

Vaggie: “Shows what you know, asshole. She’s absolutely adorable, aren’t you Charlie?”

Charlie: “~~~~HEHEHEH~~~ iM cUUUTe~~~”

Angel Dust: “Motherfucker… these damn pancakes had better be worth it.”

Vaggie: “The fuck said I was making you any?”

Angel Dust: “What th- I gave your creepy girl my bagel!”

Vaggie: “And called her creepy.”

Angel Dust: “I made a sacrifice out of the goodness of my heart and this is what I get for it? That was my fucking bagel! RESPECT MY FUCKING BAGEL, BITCH!!”

Husk: “Who the fuck let him fuck the bagels again.”

Angel Dust: “Oh fff-uck me.”

Vaggie: “Again?”

Charlie: “Bagel-ssS? PLURAL???”

Angel Dust: “Blame Husky voice over there, he dared me to!”

Husk: “I said don’t fuck up that bagel.”

Angel Dust: “See?? Listen to the way he’s sayin’ it! So I had ta! And it was just the one time!”

Vaggie: “WHEN was this ‘one time’.”

Angel Dust: “…Uhh…”

Vaggie: “…”

Vaggie: “Babe. Drop the bagel.”

Charlie: “Suddenly I’m very awake now and really wish I wasn’t.”

- NEW HOTEL RULE ANNOUNCEMENT-

57.) No fucks in the kitchen. Not of any kind. Don’t even say the word while you’re in there, it’s too fucking dangerous.

[kydrogendragon]

Relationship: Dream/Hob, Johanna/Rachel

Rating: Gen

Words: 1356

Warnings: None

Ao3 Link

For square D1 of the Dreamling Bingo. Masterlist can be found here.

"Now boarding group three at Gate B12. Please have your boarding passes ready." The announcement clicks off and Johanna stands up, carry-on rolling over the airport linoleum as she walks. She nods to the attendant, readily handing over her boarding pass with a sigh. People slowly filter into the plane, the flight attendants greeting each person with a nod and a hello. Already she's transferred over from the three and a half hour flight from Los Angeles and the two hour hop from Atlanta to New York. And now she's preparing herself mentally for the long flight back to London. And she didn't get paid enough for business class either. After going above and beyond for those Hollywood snobs.

Fuckers.

She shuffles through the narrow hallways into the middle of the giant 787. The overhead compartments are already starting to fill up, but thankfully there's still some room above her seat. Johanna stashes her bag up onto the shelf and slides into the ever-shrinking airline seat.

There's a middle-aged man to the right by the window and, with luck, the seat by her will stay empty like it was when she checked-in so she can scoot over.

She watches and waits, letting her eyes rest as the rest of the plane slowly boards and settles in. Unfortunately, someone slides in on the aisle seat, so she's wedged in the middle. Odds are she'll be sleeping the whole way through. Should be any moment now before they start taxing and then she can—

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we apologize in advance but it looks like we'll be experiencing a brief delay before taking off. Thank you for your patience."

Motherfucker.

Johanna groans, rubbing her eyes as a slow grumble rolls through the rest of the plane. Christ above, she hopes it's just a simple five, maybe ten, minute delay. Knowing her luck so far though? She'll be here, crowded between two strangers, for an additional hour.

Shaking her head, she pulls her phone out and plops her ear buds in. She scrolls through her music as the man beside her pulls out his tablet. It's bright and there's no privacy screen on it at all, so when he pulls up his email—an in-progress one too—it's clear as day from her seat so you know she's gonna read that shit. Might even be entertaining.

"Dear Dream," it reads. This is already great. Dude's got a penpal with a killer nickname. "All stories return to their original forms, right? You know, when I first landed there in Los Angeles, I thought for sure the week would just drag on and on, like all the other business trips would. Thought maybe I would liven things up with trying some new sushi joint since there always seems to be a new one each time I go.

But then I saw you. You, standing in the lobby of the same hotel I was staying at. Of all the hotels in LA. What were the odds? I'd heard you'd moved down there with Calliope all those years ago. Wasn't sure if you were still there, though. Would it be bad if I said I always hoped you were? So something like this might happen?

God, I just wish I had run into you the first day I landed and not with just three days left. It wasn't enough. It's never enough. This damn trip was for business as you knew. Filled most of my days with meetings and hours in the office. I'd gotten used to it after all these years. Even all the time on planes and trains I'd gotten used to. But this time, I don't think I'm ready to head back to London.

Dream...I'd rather be off this plane and back on your doorstep, back in your home. Back to hearing your voice and seeing your smile. But I don't think that's what you'd want. You'd said so once before when I tried to offer it to you. Threw it back in my face and then I never saw you again until today, ten years later.

Do I pretend I don't still love you? Do I push you away instead? Like you had me? To save my heart? I said a lot of things those days and none of them were what I meant. Not truly. Not fully.

Maybe I should just let things be and give you your space. I just got you back. Even just if it's as distant friends. So...it was good to see you, Dream. I wish you the best.

- Hob"

Jo can tell by the abuse of the backspace key that there's a heart balanced on how his words are perceived. The man—Hob— has typed that fourth paragraph there four times now in the ten minutes that they've been sitting here. He finally lands on a version devoid of all passion, all longing. Until it's pared down to just a basic "Good to see you again, let me know when you're in town! We'll have to meet up" type email. Even she, one who knows well the risks love poses, feels a bit sad at that.

She tilts away, her heart sinks in her chest. You'd think, by the time you start showing gray in your hair you stopped dealing with this kind of shit. This...hurt. The uncertainty and not knowing which way to move, what to say, or what to do. Jo hoped that by the time you get through your twenties, things like that would be old news.

She would have thought that kind of heartache was meant for the young, but you're never too old to hurt, it seems.

Doesn't bode great for her. Her mind wanders to Rachel. To all the things she should have said. To everything she did say instead. She should call her when they land. She owes her that at least.

"Alrighty there passengers. We've been cleared for taxi. Please buckle your seatbelts and put your phones and other electronic devices away and in airplane mode. Thank you for flying United. Flight attendants, please prepare the cabin for takeoff."

The man beside her hits send and turns his tablet off, stowing it in the mesh pouch on the seat in front of him. He settles into his seat and closes his eyes. Jo can't help but feel a twinge of pain for the passion that this Dream might never know.

Johanna passes out shortly after the plane takes off and thanks whatever gods are listening that she wakes up as the plane begins its descent. Might be the longest she's ever slept in the past month if she's honest.

The man with the broken heart beside her flutters to life as the wheels touch down on the tarmac. He stifles a yawn and rubs his eyes before beginning the process of putting his belongings back into their rightful homes.

It's raining outside. Classic London. At least she knows she's home.

The plane comes to a stop. The pilot sends them off with a farewell and a thank you. People stand, shuffling about, claiming their bags and suitcases. And eventually everyone leaves the craft.

Hob follows the crowd as they all make their way to the baggage claim. She wonders, as she watches him from the back of the pack, what Dream's answer will be, why this Hob kept his cards so close to his chest that even he couldn't read them. What was it about their history, their meeting in LA that gave him such pause when he so clearly wanted to tell Dream all the emotions he kept bottled down.

She might never know. Odds are she won't ever see this man again. London's a big city, after all. She supposes in the end, it doesn't matter too much the why of it all. She'll never know why he kept the honest truth from the other guy, but maybe she can learn a bit from it. Maybe she can still save things with Rachel.

But Dream, if you're out there, just know this: in the rough draft he loved you.

[supermentaleyeliner]

obx s4 e1 🏍️

i just watched the first episode of OUTER BANKS SEASON 4 (part one) so here are some raw thoughts & notes <33

( not proofread, literally just rambled. but hope u enjoy it & if you make it to the end - the real end - ur a real one <3 wtf was that ?? lol )

first of all, how is everyone so gorgeous in this season like thank you <33333 my babes are looking better than ever in the perfect balance between tired to the max and serving (renewed 2024). cleo is hot as fuck like always, mah john duo is looking so damn sharp and good, pope is literally king so i don't need to explain, and sarah just full on pogue life now ugh <3 and KIARA. MA'AM. i'm not a fan of kiara (sue me) but she is GLOWING this season. like, just like the girls of the cast said, they're def putting effort into their looks and boy is it working. kiara's outfits and hair through all the flashbacks and time jumps in this first episode has been heaven. and now that i've got curls i am feeling so inspired by her. and just every piece of her clothes?? the girls as a whole?? man i haven't felt this happy recently like damn. alr moving on (i'm not)

+ the emotional length & setup we got already. all that stuff with 'doesn't mean we're pogues' at the shop from jj & kie, just jj's face all along as they were dealing with the maybank property (wtf happened to luke tho am i forgetting something), his burstout after they made poguelandia 2.0 and his "home" come true, kie looking at him with the new perspective(which i surprisingly don't hate this season, he deserves it), and ofc some peak jj maybank behavior with the auction & enduro, oh god we are so back to what obx is, and we're really getting the jj focus & depth we badly wanted throughout the whole journey. i love my boy.

RAFAEL CAMERON. that man appeared on the screen and shattered my heart. such a big jump between the pogues scenes and him and i was 200% in for both of them. i announced my stance that i would not gaf if rafe and sofia broke up at the end of the season or sofia did shit to him or something (sorry) and barry was just there for him, and i still stand by it, but thank god THANK GOD he had someone to be there with him when he was doing ward's ashes. i was full on tearing my heart out crying screaming when he said those lines to his dad because oh he was the awful-est to you. and that bitterness at the race. but then sofia yelling "you got this baby" or whatever it was. Gah. pls take care of my boy. pls. am i reading a fic because he's finally got someone to love, someone who loves him.

since i didn't see wheezie, sofia, or barry at the premiere (i think) i was sort of worried, and wheezie and barry haven't shown yet (obx has the best side characters like be for real even rose has an interesting role and all the side villain-ish people haunt you forever) -- but it's only the first episode of the first part and i'm willing to have patience !! i was so angry to hear it was coming out in two parts but i'm not gonna be having much time to binge anyways so i won't complain, i'm just way too happy with what i got till now and god i'm so thankful. all that stuff with tua and kaos yeah fuck you netflix but jeez. at least i have this and heartstopper ---- no, no, no, thank motherfucking god they didn't set these on fire. ugh i'm so happy right now. okay. gonna stop talking now. GAHK. so cute so perfect so happy i can't !!!!!!!!!!

...

(seriously tho rafe pulling that move near the end of the race?? i rly didn't know who to cheer for with rafe and jj doing that. i mean for the plot i gotta stand for jayj but i love rafe. don't we all on tumblr. but honestly i love rafe for doing that. bahaha my man like-- how am i supposed to explain this but like-- yeah sucks for the pogues i was really rooting for their life but rafael cameron my man - how i love saying that name - that's my man. that's my bitch that's my spontaneous asshole.)

(oh i'm not done yet -- i'm pretty happy with how the whole story of the first episode led us back to the end of the last season. to see an at-the-time-not-understandable time skip with them in their kooky - beautiful but just kooky for some reason - outfits ;; only to finally see with the release of this season that was actually them at their low after all those stuff. but they still dressin up, like they businesspeople mannnn, i love it. i love where we're finding them for season 4. and then right back where we started with the old adventure 'i'm definitely not going in there' 'pls stop ur tales jj' 'i've been looking for you' 'afternoon, sir' vibe ?? oh god that was so good, that was something ELSE. overwhelmed overemotional to the max. GAH FUCKING POGUE LIFE FUCKING P4L WHAT ELSE CAN I SAY)

(and i fucking love the soundtrack like what is it with this season. i need a playlist asap but since i don't have spotify and can't listen to the official stuff i'll just have to make or find a list of everything in the show and add each song myself--- jesus christ i haven't even finished the one for tua))

[hussyknee]

Fellas, is it an act of war against a Western European country to hold their citizens prisoner in the open air prison they're carpet bombing?

Lebanon's Hezbollah and Yemen's Houthis have been launching attacks on US military bases in Syria and Iraq and firing missiles at Israel in tandem with Hamas's attacks. All three are funded by Iran.

(I am HEAVING with laughter at Vox and every single one of these propagandist chucklefucks calling them "militias" and "terrorist organisations" and trying to frame this as justification for continuing to fund Israel like. MOTHERFUCKER WHOSE REGION ARE YOU IN EXACTLY?? WHO IS GENOCIDING PEOPLE ON THEIR OWN SOIL??)

"But they're fundie theocratic military states!!!"

*looks at Israel*

*looks at you*

*looks at current state of US*

Oh, ARE they?

US officials have met with the Lebanese caretaker government in an effort to try and prevent the conflict from spreading into Lebanon.

Um. Was this before or after Israel poured white phosphorus on Lebanon? Do y'all even have any control over your dog?

(Btw if you MCU brainrotted Western leftists don't stop trying to pick a Good Guy out of this mess instead of understanding basic geo-politics and the horrific ground realities of the countries the US and its allies have left in tatters, you're frankly just as much of an enemy to the people in those countries as your leaders are. Every one of these people are fascist cunts.)

For those of you who have been BLEATING about Ukraine non-stop, like it's NOT an expendable non-NATO country they're only interested in defending in case Putin gets any bright ideas about Poland, here's an opinion that makes sense to me:

Tell me it wouldn't be perfectly on brand if the US government announced, "Our great democracy bows to the will of the people. We hear you, we see you. We will divest...from Ukraine."

The West has never given one singular shit about protecting ANYONE from genocide. Vulnerability is liability. The only difference between them and Putin is that Putin is greedy megalomaniacal fascist surrounded by self-interested yes-men and the US is run by a committee of greedy egomaniacal fascists surrounded by self-interested yes-men whose end goal is keeping the death machine spinning money rather than even "winning" territories. All they have to do to turn this around is divest from Israel and focus on Ukraine. And no, Israel can't throw in with Putin because it'll be too busy trying to fight off three countries at once without the sugar from its Daddy.

Putin will not stop at Ukraine, for the same reason the US didn't stop at Afghanistan. Empires are built on their military power and militaries need to be fed and kept active and kept active to be fed. The minute you stop, it tries to eat itself. If Putin makes a move on Poland, NATO has to respond, and if the West is also embroiled in an all-out war with the Middle East, well. It looks kinda like a global conflict.

Oh and btw, if this does escalate into another regional war in the Middle East, we're going to be plunged into an oil crisis. Which might actually be the last straw for the UK economy, but it very DEFINITELY will be for the rest of the Global South.

(Also Biden's already auctioned off the Gulf of Mexico and Alaska for oil companies for such an intensive scale of fracking that it's projected to tip the world over the edge of climate collapse. In the event of a war in the ME, the US is going to need that oil soooooo. Good luck stopping it.)

[keystone8379]

Frame Imperfect

Regarding Kirby Fighters 2, when the game was relatively new, many YouTubers were trying to cash in on the new "kirby smash bros" hype. During this period I remember Mew2King coming into the KF2 server with interest in running a tournament for the game.

Wow! I couldn't believe this! Mew2King from funny YouTube compilations and competitive Super Smash Bros Melee (I had watched very little melee at that point, except for EmpLemon's There Will Never Be Another Melee Player Like HungryBox) was interested in our super cool Kirby game? Awesome!

At this point the game had garnered a rep as a pretty unserious competitive game, with many fake infinites being discovered and one real one as well. There was also Alpharad's video on the game that made it look...unflattering. It was unflattering for reasons other than just being a 'smash clone' but we didn't know why exactly yet. This was before 20XX, the first real KF2 tournament, for reference.

But Mew2King wanted to take a chance on us! He believed in our game and wanted to take a chance on a new, unique, exciting platform fighter! We were starstruck, plain and simple.

Which is why when M2K suggested MOBA style character bans everyone just kinda went with it????

Keep in mind this was before the first tourney, we didn't know shit about fuck, as fish would say.

They didn't go through with this.

So fast forward a couple months, and KF2's first appearance at Frame Perfect Series is upon us. As you'd expect, the community is really excited! This was one of the biggest brackets the community had ever seen, with a bunch of new faces! Mostly people we'd never see again but it was exciting at the time.

As for the commentator's bench, we were looking at M2K, who knew nothing about the game but was on comms for every game so whatever...and in the KF2 corner...Super Citrus. Who hadn't commentated an even since 20XX. Oh god. M2K was sprouting nonstop nonsense and Citrus just didn't have the game knowledge or confidence to debunk any of it. The VODs were a little painful to watch. Poor guy.

So FPS doesn't make the game look...great. It wasn't help that M2K was ridiculing the players he determined were 'lame' and I mean I don't like Ninja11 or Poyo but come the fuck on man. Commentary basics here. I could do a better job.

But what if I could actually? When FPS 4 was announced, we learned that KF2 would be making a return for it. I was more involved in the community at this point with one tournament under my belt (...which was New Generation) and did 2 major things for this FPS. Firstly, early on, KF2 wasn't looking great in the entrant count side of things. So, I got in touch with some of the folks in tourney committee and we talked about running a tourney where top 8 would get free entry to FPS4.

And this is where we talk about the unsung hero of this story, Thank You motherfucking Domo. When sponsoring Road to FPS, Domo offered to handle the free entry of anyone who we couldn't get people to pay for a gift sub for. In later Road to FPS events, he flat out offered to give any KF2 players free entry because he liked the game...and it makes for better content obviously but still. What a god damn legend. Rest in Power. (he lost his account in a phishing scam)

I realize that came off as kinda sarcastic but I was genuinely upset when his account got hacked. Shit sucks, I don't want to hear about phishing scams from Bool ever again.

OH, speaking of Domo, second major thing I did was apply for commentary! I had more tourneys and more experience under my belt at that point and I felt pretty confident all things considered! So I sent domo a few videos of my comms work, including a video where I have to make Bell look like a well designed interactive character for 30 minutes.

I didn't end up getting picked, but I thought to myself "well as long as it's not Citrus again we should be fine." lol. lmao. This time we did actually have a bit of time to give Cirtus a crash course in the current KF2 environment but it still wasn't great. In fact, it was maybe the worst video game commentary I'd ever seen.

For a long time, P47 had been seemingly untouchable. He was a KF2 expert, his Magolor inspired me to pick up the character fully, he was a lorehead, and a great guy to be around. The clip of him using Ultra Sword to push Nuggetz off a platform into an apple explosion is absolutely as iconic as it deserves to be. This was P47's last big tournament.

Now, remember how I said Mew2King was an asshole to anyone who he deemed lame. M2K was a Marth player in Melee by the way, I don't know if that's considered a lame character but I hope he is. P47 received the full force of this with constant hate from M2K's live chat, not to mention that Citrus also wasn't a Magolor fan. I'm not quite sure how bad it was exactly, but it was bad enough to lead to him quitting the game. Looking back on it, the whole situation is infuriating to me.

That was Citrus' last time commentating FPS, when FPS5 rolled around we had gotten Winters on comms, who was easily the most consistent commentator we had and also the person...you know...keeping the game alive. She was able to debunk a lot of M2K's bullshit and also was able to tell him that P47 quit because of M2K being an asshole last FPS. I don't think I ever told her how much I appreciated that.

Good time to mention that Mew2King also used he/him for EVERYONE. It led to me making this stupid fucking image.

But it gets worse. Of course it always gets worse. In top 8, Ninja11, one of my least favourite top players, was up against SoothingRuby, one of my favourite top players. Ninja11 kinda hates everyone in the community and Ruby hates people who are Like That so as you can expect these 2 get along great. This was reflected in the set between them.

It was a lot of this. Ruby would throw Kunai and Ninja would just crouch them. This matchup isn't even that bad for Magolor, I thinkj Mag wins it, Ninja's just an asshole. He ended up winning the set, of course he did. Great time was had by all, especially the twitch chat and M2K, who both already hated the game. Yikes.

So this brings us to FPS6, the final Frame Perfect event. Messages from M2K implied that Metafy, the main reason the tournament was being run, was on it's way out, but not before M2K was doing sketchy things in his own time.

Turns out Metafy still exists. Not sure what he was talking about with the whole final sale thing. Maybe it's an MLM thing. (Multi Level Marketing) Was I not supposed to think the platform was closing?

So the tourney rolls around on, of all days, the 4th of July. As a Canadian I don't give a shit, but as you can imagine, most people were not available. Zet ended up winning the whole thing. However there is one potentially sketchy set in there.

Somehow, before bracket, Qwertz had performed a coup d'etat and became TO of the bracket despite being on the other side of the globe. The actual TO didn't wake up in time, and all Qwertz used his power to do was changing the timeslot without communicating.

Then, when Zet "applied a taco to his router" (thank you Justin for giving my posts the rawest fucking quotes) Qwertz just said to play it out, though everyone knew this was mostly just because Qwertz didn't like Justin. Why do we let this man near any administrative privileges.

The stream also ended with Winters having to tell chat to have a happy 4th of july. She is a trans lesbian.

And that was the last FPS event. By the time the 3rd KF2 tournament had rolled around, we already knew M2K was doing more harm than good, but no one had the guts to tell him off. I think we were worried that he'd just run the game like a dumbass if we didn't stick around. To be fair, it happened with Kloudchasers.

So what's the moral of the story? Never meet your heroes? No, that's what we learned from Chuggaaconroy. Is Mew2King even my hero? Never meet a competitive Smash player is what we learned here. Though hopefully you all already knew that.

[msookyspooky]

You're All Dead: Sneak Peek

My upcoming book I'm working on that is HEAVILY based off of the Set Up series and pays homeage to 90's Horror. If you liked Set Up, maybe give it a read because it's a retelling of it with new dialog and twist and turns 🔪 wordcount: 3,267

Intro:

There's Always an Opening Kill

  ��"Come out, motherfucker!" The young man yelled out into the darkness; slamming his back door as the storm door rattled from the force. He breathed heavily, eyes wide and darting around. He yelled out again, metal baseball bat in hand. "I said, come out!!" 

…Silence. Nothing in the desolate cornfield but the rustling of the remaining stalks cut down recently for harvest.

He hesitated before sucking in through his nostril and racing off his back porch. Adrenaline pumping as he swung the metal bat against a trash can. Knocking it over as the neighborhood dogs carried on at the loud noise.

"That's what I thought! Too pussy!" He yelled, his dirty blonde hair falling in his face as he marched to the edge of the field. "Well?! You only got balls to do this shit over the phone?!" He bellowed against the Autumn wind…He lowered his bat, chest heaving as he stared out into the darkness…Just crinkling of corn husks, a wind, and a few dogs barking.

He stared a moment longer before just speaking into the night. "...I know who you are."

Silence before he huffed out. "You fuckin' freaks. You're dead when I see you. I'll make what happened to Mr. Pierce look tame compared to what I'll do to you tomorrow. " He huffed and slowly turned around. "Stay away from my girlfriend you fu-" His sentence cut off in sharp gasp as a sharp pain went through his stomach. His blue eyes were huge and his mouth hung open as he looked down at his stomach…A pitchfork stabbed right through his gut. He slowly looked up to see a figure standing there holding the pitchfork…Some mask covering their face as they tilted their head. 

Even stabbed, the young man raised the metal bat and swung at his attacker's leg as the pitchfork was painfully jerked out. He released a strangled scream as he tried hobbling to the house, clutching his stomach as blood seeped over his fingers through his shirt.

If he could just get to the phone…He just needed to get to the phone!

He screamed, teeth clenched and face scrunched in pain as that pitchfork was driven deep into the back of his leg. He collapsed, turning on his back to swing at his attacker. He got a few hits but nothing to do real damage as he was dragged to the field by the pitchfork still in his leg like he was nothing but a piece of meat…His screams and the howling of the upset neighborhood dogs was all that was heard by the time anyone came outside too late

✦

Chapter One:

Everyone is a Suspect

The funeral was yesterday. It felt like a bizarre dream. He had a close casket. It's not like his family had much of a choice…Considering…

You sighed, looking to the ground as all eyes were on you. Everyone constantly asking you how you were or whispering amongst each other the second they saw you or even giving you judgmental stares as you walked by. You were the girlfriend of the victim. You should be so distraught that you can't even think straight. Sobbing, unable to eat, unable to go on or whatever. And yet, you weren't…You were numb.

The school had been buzzing all day. First Jessica and her boyfriend Freddy were found murdered in Jessica's home last week; now your boyfriend James was found mutilated in a field behind his house. Principal Craven announced there would be no school after today after parents complained out of fear for their kids safety.  Everyone was either over the moon and playing this off like it was no big deal or completely terrified. You were the latter.

You were getting into your locker, ready to end the day when you saw your locker neighbors come by. 

"Hey..." Sarah gave a soft smile your way and you forced a smile back that fell as quickly as it came. 

She had been your best friend this year. The new girl in town wasn't always liked but Sarah made you feel welcomed since the first day you met. You'd describe her brown eyes as the kindest eyes you ever saw. She was the type of girl you could talk to about anything and she'd be there for support. She brushed a piece of her short brown hair behind her ear as she opened her locker.

"Hey. Sorry I didn't see you guys at lunch. I had mine outside." You mumbled as a reply.

"Alone?" Torri asked with a raised eyebrow, walking behind Sarah as you simply nodded. 

Torri was who introduced you to Sarah. In fact, Torri became the first true friend you had here. She was definitely the trendsetter of this sleepy midwestern town. Wearing clothes that got her warnings with The Cavaliers Dress Code to outrageous stares from the older folks around town when she strutted out in a lime green mini skirt and matching platform heels. Her petite but busty figure didn't help. She was the type of girl that would listen to you vent and want to carve her keys in the person's car afterwards…It didn't exactly go over well with her older sister who was a teacher at the school and the exact opposite of her little sister Torri.

Sarah's gaze softened at the admission you ate lunch alone.  "That's okay but you know you can talk to us whenever, right?" 

You nodded again, "Yeah, totally. I know you guys are always here for me. I just…You know. Needed to clear my head, that's all." 

Torri got into her locker before asking. "...I hate to be the hundredth person to probably ask you this today but how are you holding up?" 

You cringed with a heavy sigh. "Not great, Tor."

Torri frowned deeply. "Yeah stupid question, I know. I mean, how the hell are you supposed to feel with your boyfriend being a victim? Seriously. We were shocked you even came to school today..." 

You put a book away and replied. "Yeah but I just don't want to be home alone with my thoughts. Besides, the police have already questioned me twice. As soon as I got here actually. Might be more questioning if I stayed home." 

Torri scoffed, "Was it Richie? He's been a real prick since Darlene dumped his ass. He was prick before that too…" 

"No, it wasn't Deputy Richard. It was the Sheriff and some Detective they brought in from a bigger city. I want to say he's from Davenport but I don't know for sure." 

Sarah scrunched her brows. "Why? You already told them what they needed to know when it happened just like the rest of us." 

A scruffy looking, thin teen boy leaned on your locker. He was proud of the stupid looking mustache he just started growing out that was so scarce and thin but he wore it anyways. His dark auburn hair is longer than it was last year. He had on a simple t-shirt and faded tore up jeans as he eyed you. "Hey Buffy. So…" 

You groaned softly. That nickname given to you stuck so much that it was used more than your actual name, even by family. 

"I'm fine, Ray. Really." 

Ray leaned against your locker, giving a skeptical raise of his brows. He showed up with Tim trailing behind him and Vince tagging along with his hands in his pockets.

 Tim and Vince were best friends. Complete opposites with Tim being a loud, crude, flirty, popular rich boy. He was cute and charming. One of the tallest guy in Senior year being 6 '4 and he always had a playful smirk on his lips and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. His Dad was a big time landowner that owned most of the fields around town as well as a lot of the buildings he leased to small businesses. And Vince was quiet, reserved, observant and too emotionally mature to get along with a majority of the teen boys at school. His Dad was a lawyer that traveled to a nearby city for his work. Vince must have looked like his Mom because the one time you did meet his Dad; you just couldn't see it. The boy had looks that could kill; hands down one of the most attractive boys in town. With his dark brown eyes and pushed back dark hair framing a slender face. He had this brooding thing going on that all the girls in town just ate right up…Too bad for them; he was dating your best friend Sarah while Tim dated Torri. You reasoned that was why they became friends through their mutual girlfriends being childhood friends because you couldn't imagine any other reason. And Ray was a childhood friend of Sarah; both their Mom's being friends clear back to when they went to this school…And you were the new meat that moved in last year and lucky enough to have Torri dragging you along to meet Sarah and through Sarah you met everyone else. 

Vince eyed Sarah but she looked away…The relationship was on the rocks to say the least. You all complained about the tension in the group. Tim and Vince were friends, Torri and Sarah were friends, Dating... It got complicated. Even more so when there was a huge argument between a couple…And this one was a little more than just an argument…A day before James was killed, Sarah got a disturbing phone call and was attacked in her own home when her Mom was out grocery shopping. And who just so happened to be outside her bedroom window to comfort her once the killer was done terrorizing her?....None other than her strange boyfriend Vince with a cellphone in his pocket…A teen boy having a cell phone for 1994? You knew his Dad was rich but you had to admit that was suspicious. 

After Vince was held for being a suspect in Jessica's death and his phone examined by police; Sarah and him weren't speaking to each other. Vince stood off to the sidelines as you all spoke.

"So…Do the police have any leads on who killed James?" Ray asked.

You shook your head. "No. They're just questioning everyone. Shit, they questioned me twice." 

"...Huh." Ray mumbled.

"...What?" You asked as Ray shrugged.

"That's just interesting and kind of strange, is all." 

Tim walked over and wrapped an arm around his girlfriend. "What's interesting, Ray?" 

"Nothing, just curious about why they're interrogating Buffy again. I mean, they aren't gonna do that unless they..." He trailed off, looking away. 

 "...What? Spit it out." 

He rolled his lips. "...Buffy, didn't you say James called you?" 

You shut your locker with a perplexed expression. "I mean, yeah, but that was obviously before he got killed." 

"And…The police think a phone call lured him out to the field. Right?" 

"...Yes, but I don't see what that has to do with it-" 

"Buffy, why are the police questioning you so much?" 

You scoffed. "The fuck should I know, Ray? I'm the girlfriend! Apparently, I'm a suspect because of it! And the phone call and our rocky relationship and-" 

"The way you showed up to school not too upset?" He blurted out.

Torri repeatedly blinked her eyes and Tim cringed with a hiss at the comment.

You stared in surprise as Sarah spoke up for you. "Ray, I'm sure Buffy is just trying to get through it all. She's processing her boyfriend's death crying out loud. Sometimes people go numb at first…" 

"I get that, okay, I do but why not ask questions like who did it or why?"

"Ray, are you serious? I see you for the first time in days and this is what you're accusing me of? Of course I'm not yelling out conspiracy theories of who did it!" 

He dramatically shrugged. "I don't know! I just know that your boyfriend is dead a week after two of our classmates died and for some reason; the cops are grilling you hard on it…So, unless you can give us someone that had a valid reason for killing him…You're kind of the main suspect here…Sorry Buff." He gave with a grimace. 

"I..." You muttered, "I can't think of anyone that wanted him dead. But..." You trailed off. Subconsciously touching your neck.

Ray's gaze darted to your hand then back up to meet your eyes "But someone who was hurt by him. A lot. Someone who wanted revenge or maybe self defense that got too carried away…If it was self defense or a way out…I can understand but it would be less convincing with two murders last week too." 

You fully turned to him. "What are you trying to say?" 

He mumbled. "Connecting the dots? Or at least trying to." 

Torri rolled her eyes. "Oh god, here we go…Everybody get on your tinfoil hats." She mumbled to herself and looked up at Tim who raised his brows up and down at her. She rolled her eyes at him as well..

Ray scoffed and pointed at her. "Hey, that crop circle years ago in old man Leslie's field was fuckin' real, Victoria."

She glared. "I told you don't call me that, Raymond Wimer." 

Tim chuckled and added. "Weiner, Whiner, W-" 

"Okay, shut up!" Ray snapped at them both. "This isn't a conspiracy theory; it's a survival manual! How to survive a horror movie which we are clearly in right now!" He turned to you. "First rule is everyone can be the killer so why not first question the person that had not only a direct tie to the victim but a motive too."

"Which is?" You deadpanned with an unamused glare.

"Tired of dating an asshole." 

"Wouldn't you be?" You scoffed.

"I mean sure but there's also you and Jessica hating each other..." 

"I didn't hate Jessica! She had a problem with me!" 

Ray continued, "Sure. But come on, even you would be suspicious of one of us! " 

"I would not." You argued with an eye roll.

Torri scowled at Ray. "God, would you get a grip?" 

"Seriously, people grieve differently. Buffy had a confusing relationship anyways and no evidence points to her." Sarah interjected.

"Yes it is! Even in a weird roundabout way! But your own boyfriend is murdered and you don't hardly react? That's not strange to anyone else?" 

"No stranger than you." Torri mumbled as she put her books away and shut her locker. 

You sighed and gave him a pleading stare. "Ray, I am not in the mood for this." 

"I'm just ruling out suspects." 

Everyone cringed as you slammed your locker door shut. Releasing a humorless laugh and staring up at the ceiling before staring at him. "Ooohhh, so I'm a suspect now?" 

"I don't know for sure; Obviously! But someone is! It's someone at this school." 

"And what the hell makes you think it's me?" You sneered at him. 

Ray sighed. "...You're gonna make me say it, huh?" 

Vince gave him an intense glare. "Maybe that's a sign from the Universe to not say it? Ever think of that? Ever think, Ray?"

You noticed how he seemed extremely on edge today. Then again; everyone was. His girlfriend wasn't speaking to him, he was considered a suspect by police at least once already, and a murderer was on the loose. Who the hell wouldn't be?

Ray hesitated but opened his mouth regardless. "Okay...Girlfriend was abused by the wrong side of the tracks asshole and got revenge. Or a lover got tired of sharing and wanted to get rid of the competition..." His eyes darted around to everyone around you as if he was looking for a specific guy.

You let out a bark of laughter in anger and shock. "WOW, you have COMPLETELY lost your mind."

Torri agreed. "God, do you hear yourself? You're accusing a victim's girlfriend of being a cheater and the reason for her man's murder! This isn't what happened last year-..." She clamped her mouth shut as she saw Sarah frown. Vince raised his eyebrows in surprise and Tim clenched his teeth but had mild amusement in his eyes as he simply watched you all go back and forth. 

"Uh, I mean not like that but like...Buffy couldn't even hardly talk to us towards the end because of James. You actually think there was time for two boytoys?" She corrected herself.

"Okay, even a crush. A family member sick of him and his bullshit. Or Buffy..." Ray gave. 

Tim lost the humor in his gaze at that. "Hey man, he was a giant dick. There was probably a whole lot of people that had him on their shit list." 

"Not good enough. He had his face peeled off and his guts around his neck. That's as personal as it gets!" 

Sarah looked away with a nauseated face. Vince had his eyes on Ray the entire time.

You stared at Ray with wide eyes. "You actually think I would do that to my boyfriend?! Ray, I know you're obsessed with those cheap horror movies or those weird articles like 'I married bigfoot and now he pays child support' and what not but you're crossing a fucking line here." 

Ray threw up his hands. "I just know we are being picked off like flies! Jessica and Freddy last week. Now, James this week. Who knows who else is next!" 

You stared at him. "You do realize if I was the killer; you exposing me would be a death wish, right?" 

Ray pointed. "Ah, that's where you're wrong. See,  If I showed up dead especially after this exchange; you would out yourself as the killer." 

"Damn, guess I can't kill you till the climax. You know, the plot twist that exposes me as the killer ALL ALONG!" You mocked before flipping him off.

Tim snorted at that. Torri looked annoyed and ready to lead you by the shoulders away from it all at any moment. Sarah seemed uncomfortable with the entire discussion and ready to leave as well. Vince just watched. His dark eyes boring into Ray.

Torri mumbled. "Remind me why he's in the group again?" 

Tim smirked. "Free movies and good grass." 

"Hey, this is serious!" Ray exclaimed. "Three people dead in a little over a week. We're like sheep led to slaughter here and sending us home is even worse! At least here we have numbers! So excuse me for saying what everyone is thinking and trying to figure out the killer before we're all dead." 

Torri shook her head. "We are not being picked off one by one, you insensitive ass." 

"How is it insensitive to look at the girlfriend looking for an escape or revenge as a suspect? Or someone that likes her and is defending what's theirs? Didn't she spread that rumor about you Buffy? Okay, fuck! You have a motive for killing every single victim so far!" 

You ducked your head in embarrassment at the memory. 

Torri scowled. "Jessica was a bitch. It's hard to tell who wanted her dead other than half the school. Besides, she ran her mouth about everyone because she was mad Freddy fucked every girl that gave him an ounce of attention so how the hell is Buffy that much of suspect?" 

"Ray, stop. I didn't kill my boyfriend, alright?" You harshly gave with a raise of your hand as you looked away.

Ray pointed at you, his face lit up as the idea turned in his mind. "No, no. You're right! You couldn't have done it alone; you're not strong enough. But someone else could have. Someone close... A guy." 

Torri scoffed. "Oh, here we go again. Sexist much?" 

Tim chewed a piece of gum obnoxiously and muttered. "Babe. We've been over this, girls just don't have the stomach for that." 

Torri rolled her eyes. "What is this? A movie from 1954? Am I gonna faint at the sight of blood when I change my maxi later?" 

Tim gagged with a grin. "Ugh, you're on the rag? Is that why you wouldn't do it last night-" 

Ray snapped his finger to get everyone's attention. "Focus people! Someone's killing for Buffy or in relation to Buffy and we'll all be next and maybe even her if we don't solve this pronto." 

"Okay genius, who would that be?" Tim mocked. 

"I don't know...Someone that cared about Buffy." 

Torri scoffed. "That could have been anyone. Buffy is just a sweetie pie." She mocked in a goofy high pitched voice as she went to pinch your cheek and you smacked her hand away with an annoyed huff. 

Ray shook his head. "Well someone must think so too. Buffy was clearly involved, even unintentionally." 

You released a long insufferable groan, practically begging him to just drop it. "Ray... Please. I can discuss these murders any other time but not when it's someone I cared about and my first day back to school." 

"...Did you really care about him?" 

And just like that, he dropped the biggest bomb possible. You jerked your head back to his direction in shock at what he said. Your mouth hung open and you didn't know WHAT to say. You should. You should have been crying. You should have been livid.

But you weren't. You were speechless. Cause deep down inside, you had to ask yourself that same question.

"Ray, what the hell?" Sarah groaned as she picked up her bag, ready to leave this entire exchange. 

Ray got flustered as he tried defending his argument he knew went too far. "I'm just stating a very obvious question! He hurt you and was shitty! Did you really care about him or were you only with him because you had to be and someone helped you get rid of him?" 

He received glares and threw his hands up. 

"Oh, so we can talk about Jessica being hung out to dry last week just like Sarah's Dad was but not James' face being torn off?..." He saw the wide eyed look on Sarah's face and his own dropped. "O-Oh…Oh, shit, Sarah sorry-" 

Sarah looked away rolling her lips as everyone else glared at Ray. Torri put her arm around Sarah to lead her away.

You looked away at the mental image burning in your mind. Ray had a tight lipped frown on his face as he gave you an earnest look. 

"Look...I'm sorry, Buffy. I know I'm coming off as a jerk. I don't want to think you did it but somehow you are involved even by association. If we figure it out; it could save you if you're not involved."

You didn't look at him. Just getting your bag and getting ready to bolt.

"Oh, come on! I'm being the bad guy for wanting to connect dots and save lives here?

You snapped as everyone was starting to walk away from him. "There are no fucking dots, Ray! Jessica and her boyfriend were just another pair of classmates we barely talked to! James was my fucking boyfriend!" 

Tim scoffed as his girlfriend started leading Sarah away. "Man, lay off would ya? He was just some random victim." 

Ray was emotionally backed into a corner after speaking without thinking. He was clearly growing frustrated with you all. Tension in your friend group was thick anyways and this was making it 10 times worse.

"No he wasn't, can't you all see that?!" Ray exclaimed, "If YN wasn't sicking someone on him then anyone that cared seeing bruises the size of golfballs on her neck would have -" 

"HEY!" Vince released a yell that made you all jump and Sarah and Torri turn back around. You didn't think you ever saw him that mad or use that tone as he got up into Ray's face. "When are you going to take a fucking hint that YN doesn't want to talk about it and neither does anyone else?!"

Ray swallowed hard. "...I'm just sayin-" 

Vince grabbed Ray by his shirt as you heard Ray's head hit the locker. "You're always saying. When do you shut the fuck up? You're pointing an awful lot of fingers at other people. How do we know you're not the one doing it?" 

"Vince, stop!" Sarah exclaimed and ran back to the scene as Tim got between them and tried discreetly breaking it up before Vince swung on Ray. 

Tim cringed at Vince with an anxious laugh. "Heh, Jeez! Down boy. No need to go all Rottweiler on him." 

Vince backed away as he continued to glare at Ray who looked petrified. You didn't understand why. Sure, Vince seemed pissed but they all grew up together and talked daily…Was this anxiety and murders really hurting your group that much? 

"You need to read the room, douchebag." Vince growled out. He glanced at you from the corner of his eye before looking away. 

Sarah replied, "You need to calm down, there's no reason-" 

Vince interrupted her, "I thought you weren't talking to me?" He scowled, "Let me guess. Me sticking up for your friend Is just evidence I'm sick and probably the killer, right?" 

She scoffed as her voice rose in anger. "I would never say that!"

"But that's what you still think, isn't it? That I'm involved." 

Tim tried getting their attention by clearing his throat. His head jerked to the end of the hall with a tense expression. They all glanced to see Principal Craven watching them like a hawk near his office door.

You saw Miss Ryan come out of her classroom at the same time the Principal came from his office. She quickly went over to all of you, waving a hand at the Principal that she had it under control as she glared at Torri and then everyone else.

"What's going on here?" She demanded, looking between all of you. 

Vince bit his lip anxiously, staring intently back at Ray before shaking his head. "Nothing Miss Ryan...See ya Buffy, Tim...Sarah." He frowned at the mention of her name before leaving. 

Sarah sighed, watching him leave with her own sad expression.

Torri rolled her eyes and hissed out low to her older sister. "Nothing, Dar." 

"Yeah, well it doesn't look like nothin' so how about you do us both a favor and stop getting yourself into trouble? Especially with certain…People." Darlene Ryan gave a distasteful look Tim's way as he grinned at her.

"You look damn good today, Darlene! Seriously, is that a new perfume I smell?" 

"You call me Ms. Ryan on school grounds, Mr. Harris." She cooly gave with an annoyed look. Her youthful face made her look not much older than all of you if it wasn't for her conservative teacher-esque outfit she wore.

Tim gave a mock sad face. "Aw, but we're practically family here! Wedding bells might be chimin'." Torri smiled up at him at that.

Darlene gave him an insufferable look. "Torri, get your boyfriend and friends out of here and don't get in any more trouble, you hear me? My job is on the line everytime I intervene." 

Torri gave her sister a smartass expression. "Then stop intervening. I'm a big girl, I can handle myself. I don't need my sis to come to the rescue." 

Torri started walking away with Sarah and Tim as Darlene called out. "Now what did Mom say?! When you're at school; I'm your teacher and you treat me with respect!" 

Torri ignored her and you looked at Ms. Ryan. Giving her a frown. "Sorry, Ms. Ryan…" Before looking at Ray one last time and leaving too. 

You hurried down the hall. A few students looked at you as you passed. 

You specifically heard a guy whisper, "She got James killed. This town is filled with skanks." 

"She hangs out with Sarah Pierce, what do you expect?" Another guy replied.

You ran down the hall after that. The walls felt too close, too many people, your head spun. You passed a newspaper article on the bulletin board.

"Local Woodsboro teen James Fedrick Davis was found mutilated in a field near his home. Suspected Homicide. Does Deadwood have a serial killer?" 

[dis-harmony]

[GLM]: Succu-joint club battle - GLM MV - Credits to Starbomb

Original song: SMASH - Starbomb

CW: Bad edits, long post, strong language, and naughty stuff there

(No hate pls, Enjoy this hilarious but crappy video lmao XD )

Lyrics:

It was a beautiful day, and everyone was excited There was a picnic and the whole interspecies crew was invited Zel stood up and said

“Listen, everyone, I love you guys You are my best friends in the world, you make me glad to be alive!”

Excuse me! Hi there, I'm the announcer for a fun new adult game It's called Succu-joint club

That sounds nice, how do we play?

Well, first I'm gonna warp you into a world of hate and war Where you'll assault every women you have ever known and loved before!

I don't think I wanna do that

Oh come on, it'll be a bash Now grab all your little friends, 'cause it is time for us to MOTHERFUCKING SMASH!

Whoa-oh

Wait, no

Let's go! Kick the shit out of your friends!

That's not cool

Have a blast as you beat their ass And then they're forced to clap for you in the end! (3 2 1 SMASH!) Stunk (Hey Zel! AAH-!) your chode Has been destroyed, 200% (I need that chode!)

Can't we all just get along?

Abso-fucking-lutely not you gotta SMASH!

The crowd was destroyed, hundreds of bystanders dead Okpa held Kanchal captive in her huge disgusting tentacles Brooz said:

Hey Zellie, stop crying, just psyche up and fight instead

I'm Zel, all this potion make my body look like a woman!

Elza looked tough till Crim kicked her in the stuff The madness of cat girl murder'd overtaken Mii! She blasted Death Abyss to infinity with one massive-ass hit And then she took three Eyesha Punches like it wasn't even shit!

Is the time almost over? I can't tell, my face is mashed

Don't worry Zel the clock says 4 3 2 (Oh no) 1 SMASH!

Whoa-oh

This blows.

You know When Stunk and Lucy team up you are screwed (You're my own FRIEND!) Crimvael's way less fuckin' cute when he is trying to sin you! (GO TO HELL!) Meidri (What do you want?!) is pissed You got a small amount of dirt on her dress (Oh you're dead, bitch.)

That is the last goddamn straw...

Oh shit, I think Zel's gonna fucking SMASH!

Hey look at me now! I'm beating my friends I have no regrets, this is the fucking best! Yes I can see now We're having fun in the end! Now it all makes sense

I guess just because we fight each other doesn't mean we're not friends. [punch] Aah! Stunk, you suck! Bite me!

[moviedreams]

Part two it got too long for tumblr

Version2: (includes some of y’all) I will have to segment this because of tumblr bare with me.

OK, this dream takes place in the masters program. It’s like the start of the masters. I think it’s the first semester and for what every reason we are forced to take a class out of a different field, but it only needs to be one.  We (Yassmine, Liza and maybe Frauke can’t remember her face clearly) decide we don’t want to take the natural sciences. There’s one course offered by the theater department that doesn’t include acting it mostly dancing and it’s offered in English. So we go there as a group because none of us want to go alone. we get to the seminar room, we sit down, we record our reactions because we were told to record our process for this out of curricular class. The professor comes in and is already all over the place, they get some of their shit together and is like “Oh my God it’s so amazing to see so many faces. I am impressed”. He then goes onto explain the class, but he explains it in a convoluted way where he says “I already have a vision for each of you just by walking and looking at your faces” and he then talks about acting so much that we are like fuck this is maybe the wrong class like the description said dancing not acting. We panicked in horror typing on WhatsApp and looking for other courses to take because we cannot act we’re African study students. Eventually I raise my hand and as is this the right course and he’s like “yes of course. I’m so sorry. I must’ve scared y’all so let’s do introductions.” Everyone goes around says their name what they study; what semester they are in; where they’re from. we realize that a lot of the students actually also are international students or are acting majors. One of the students who looks our age introduce themselves as Hugh and says “I’m from Australia and I study acting as a major in my masters “. Then it gets to like other students and then it gets to me because I’m sitting at one of the ends of our group and so I say my name, our studies and semester and that I’m from Germany. then the professor goes like “oh could you explain your study program a bit more? I am so interested, I’ve never heard that before. I’m a new professor and I love talking you know”. So I explained to him that we don’t actually do the art but we look at the art or like literature or linguistics and then he’s like “oh that’s so amazing so you guys don’t act.”. I respond “no which is why we asked if this is the right class.” And he’s like “don’t worry, don’t worry it is”. Everybody’s done with introducing themselves so he then goes onto explain the course in further detail. He’s like OK each of you is going to get a dance partner and at the end of the course you will perform a piece of dance and that will be like your final grade. You’re gonna perform it Throughout the semester break, but we need to be there for these dates to get our like grade because he wants this to be a big thing, so multiple performances. Because everything that he does is a big thing. He explains “OK I’m gonna teach you how to dance during the semester with your dance partners which I will announce at the end I already have it set in stone”. The only thing that this professor does is before was to ask if there is anybody who is not allowed to dance close to somebody of the opposite sex because of religious or cultural things. this motherfucker then says being uncomfortable is not a reason it needs to be in good faith.

[wrestlingisfake]

New Japan Soul in Sapporo preview

SHO vs. El Desperado - This is a steel cage match for Sho's IWGP junior heavyweight championship. Sho won the title from Despe back on February 23, and Despe recently won the Best of the Super Jr. tournament to position himself as the next contender.

New Japan has rarely booked cage matches, but they did one a few months ago where the "cage" was more like a extra-tall guardrail surrounding the ringside area. That worked well enough for a ten-man brawl, but for this match I think they'd do better with the traditional chain-link fencing attached to the ring frame. I guess we'll see what they come up with.

The rationale for a cage should be obvious. Sho only won the title due to copious interference from his buddies in House of Torture, culminating with Ren Narita literally holding Despe down outside the ring for a count-out finish. The promise of a cage match is "the bad guy finally has to win or lose on his own" but the delivery is always more like "the bad guy's friends spend the whole match trying to overcome this new obstacle." Realistically, there's nothing to stop House of Torture from slipping Sho's trusty wrench through the cage, or beating up the guy holding the key to the cage door.

I think Despe should win, but then again I didn't think he should have lost to Sho in the first place. I'm not sure what would be served by keeping the title on Sho, especially after New Japan went out of its way to do a press conference where management announced plans to crack down on cheating. Every day Sho remains champion will make that promise seem like bullshit, so it's imperative for the promotion to show that it can keep its word to the fans. So the right finish is Despe regaining the title, but these days I lack confidence in New Japan to do the right thing.

David Finlay vs. SANADA - Finlay is defending the IWGP global title. For months Finlay has made a big deal about avenging various blemishes on his record, particularly when he regained the global belt from Nic Nemeth. So he's repeatedly brought up his loss to Sanada in the finals of the 2023 New Japan Cup, which propelled Sanada to a world title run that Finlay thinks should have been his. Now Sanada can try to shut him up and get some gold in the process.

This is the biggest heavyweight match on the card, and I'm sure it will come after the announcement of the G1 Climax entrants. So this match probably won't affect that announcement, which makes sense--regardless of the outcome, both guys should automatically qualify for the field of 20. On the other hand, I doubt the man who carries the global title into the G1 is going to win the tournament and go on to challenge the world champion. In a weird way, I think the loser of this match is a bigger favorite to win the G1, if that makes any sense.

I fully expect New Japan to rebuild Sanada for another run at the top, but I'm not sure when that's going to happen. On the other hand, it feels like Finlay is being heated up for something, whether it's a world title match or something else. So I guess I'll pick Finlay to win, but I can't say I'm sure.

Shingo Takagi vs. HENARE - These two met last week for Takagi's NEVER championship, but the match ended in a double KO when both men failed to answer the standing ten-count. So we're running it back.

Given what happened last time, both men should fight more defensively, to avoid taking too many blows to the head. (I mean, wrestlers should avoid legit head trauma in general, but in this case the wrestlers should also pretend to be avoiding kayfabe head trauma.) However, the whole idea is that Shingo and Henare are both MEAN GUYS~! fighting over the "baddest motherfucker" championship, so they will probably stick to what they know and clubber the shit out of each other. I don't see why we shouldn't expect the same outcome as last time, but it stands to reason one man or the other will simply not get KO'ed this time.

Unlike Finlay and Sanada, I'm not confident both men will make the cut for the G1. If New Japan announces the field after this match, the loser of this match might be left out, and he'll have to win a tournament to qualify for one of the two play-in slots. Personally I think both guys are "grade one," but I could see Henare being on the bubble unless he wins here. I'm certainly rooting for him to win here. But I say that a lot about Henare, and it doesn't seem to do him much good.

Clark Connors & Drilla Moloney vs. Robbie Eagles & Kosei Fujita - Eagles and Fujita are challenging for the IWGP junior heavyweight tag team title. During the Best of the Super Jr. tournament, Fujita defeated Connors, and Eagles defeated Moloney. Going back further, Eagles and Fujita beat Connors and Moloney during the Super Jr. Tag Leage tournament back in November. So the challengers seem to have the champs' number.

It feels like it's time for Connors and Moloney to get their win back, to even the score and perhaps set up a rubber match down the line. On the other hand, it's just the junior tag title, so it wouldn't make much difference if they do a title change here. However, whenever New Japan sets up a young kid like Fujita to have a good shot at a big win, you can reliably bet against that. I'm going with the champs to retain.

Yota Tsuji & Hiromu Takahashi & BUSHI vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi & Toru Yano & Boltin Oleg - Tsuji's team won the NEVER trios title from Tana's team last week, so this is the rematch.

I'm pretty certain this matchup will happen before New Japan announces the G1 lineups, and the heavyweights on the losing side will be on the bubble. The idea is that 18 of 20 spots will be announced, and the last two will be determined by qualifying tournaments during the rest of the New Japan Soul tour. It stands to reason that some or all of the heavyweights in the undercard of this show are going to be in that tournament.

My guess is that the qualifying tournaments will have at least one or two big names to sell tickets for the Soul tour, and to sell the drama of a major star fighting to reclaim his spot. Tsuji could work in that role, but he's just one guy. Tana would work better, and having Yano and Oleg in the qualifiers makes more sense than putting them directly into the G1. So normally I'd say this match could go either way, but given the context I think Tsuji's team will retain.

Tetsuya Naito & Titan vs. Yuya Uemura & TAKA Michinoku - There's not much to this match. Naito is getting ready to challenge Jon Moxley for the world title on June 30. I assume Naito's spot in the G1 is secure no matter what happens here, so he should probably just win this match to leave no doubt. Uemura makes more sense as a guy who'll have to fight to get in, especially since he's never been in the G1 before.

Shota Umino & Hirooki Goto & YOSHI-HASHI vs. EVIL & Yujiro Takahashi & Dick Togo - Togo is a junior heavyweight old-timer, but the other five guys in this match are all heavyweights that would make sense in the G1, or could have an interesting story to tell if they were snubbed. If House of Torture wins, Umino would be my pick to overcome adversity and win one of the play-in spots. It's hard to imagine a G1 without Goto and Yoshi, though, because you need some vulnerable guys in there to lose matches.

I could also see a scenario where Evil's team loses here, and then Evil and Yujiro get shut out of the G1, and Chris Charlton is thrilled about that. Then House of Torture shenanigans help Evil win the qualifiers, and Chris Charlton throws a fit. Really, this match could go either way.

Taichi & DOUKI vs. Ren Narita & Yoshinobu Kanemaru - Taichi and Narita both seem like guys who need to be in the G1. But either of them would work as a guy who gets snubbed and has to prove the bookers made a mistake. On the other hand, Narita has probably gotten enough wins over the past few months that losing here might not cost him a G1 spot. In Taichi's case, however, I haven't seen him around in a while, so if he's not here to be in the qualifiers, he really ought to pick up a win for the sake of momentum.

Jeff Cobb & Great-O-Khan & TJP & Francesco Akira & Callum Newman vs. Satoshi Kojima & Tomohiro Ishii & Tomoaki Honma & Katsuya Murashima & Shoma Kato - OK, this match is full of heavyweights who can't afford a loss that might cost them a G1 spot. Cobb, Khan, and Ishii should probably be safe, but like I've said elsewhere you could snub any of them to create a narrative where it's not "fair" because they "deserve" to be in. TJP has talked a lot about wrestling as an openweight, so I figure he at least has to compete in the play-in matches to back that up. Newman, Kojima, and Honma probably won't make it into the blocks without a win here. Murashima and Kato are Young Lions, which means one of them will probably lose this match for their side.

Masatora Yasuda vs Daiki Nagai - Looks like it's time to introduce two new Young Lions. I'm still getting used to Murashima and Kato, and now here's two more generic boys for me to confuse them with. With luck, one day we'll look back at this match the same way I remember seeing Jay White, David Finlay, Juice Robinson, Great-O-Khan, and Shota Umino as Young Lions. But for now, they're basically two nobodies, and they could easily wrestle to a ten-minute draw tonight.

[puyo-pop-fever]

I have never been more disappointed in the reactions to the Smash news within the Xenoblade Community and Smash community than I am today.

Jesus fuck guys some of you need to stop being so spiteful about who got in, who didn’t, who others want to get in etc. Just... Holy fuck guys. So what if someone wanted Rex in? So what if someone wanted Elma in? So what if someone wanted Issac in or Shadow in? Or Banjo and Kazooie? Or wanted the Grinch Leaks to be real? And so what if the characters didn’t get in yet? We have confirmed DLC for fuck’s sake and we’ve been begging for a story mode for years and finally got one. This is a lot to hope for in Smash’s future.

Let’s stop being spiteful fuckers and insulting folks who want [ insert character name here ] in over [ insert character name here ] or how [ blank character got in over another ] or how a character didn’t get in. Can we just be fucking thankful for what we’re getting? Like the jokes about rioting if [ character ] didn’t get in were funny or “magical circle to get [ character ] in before the leak, but now I’m just seeing really heavy amounts of salt.

We don’t want to be like one of the really toxic communities do we or continue to be toxic?

Let’s stop being spiteful and nasty and appreciate what we are getting and just be hopeful for more new stuff. They didn’t remove any characters from before in this game like they could’ve.

We’re probably why Sakurai wanted to stop doing smash. ( If that is actually true ).

Those of you being really cool, memeing about the story mode, etc. You’re fine. Fuck we need more positive stuff. Things can get better and you guys are what give me hope honestly.

[allexthakatt]

Do I Wanna Know?

Hiii! So I'm back, and I hope this is adequate cuz I just came up with this one in the middle of my shift and now I cannot stop thinking about it.

Warnings: ANGSTTTT! There might be a part 2 coming soon! I swear I tried to make this in one but this is getting reeeaaallly long and I've procrastinated long enough on posting this lol

----

School.

A place you never necessarily appreciated but went nonetheless, a place you really shouldn't be visiting anymore now that you've graduated.

There is one reason, however, that made visiting it daily worth it.

Eddie motherfucking Munson.

Your best friend since you were literal children. You've practically been through everything together. He's seen you at your worst and vice versa. Your best friend who holds you in his arms on your worst days. Your best friend who would be there for you no matter what.

Your best friend; and that's all he'll ever be.

Your feelings for him began in 8th grade, your mom and dad had officially announced their divorce. He'd been there by you as you cried, knowing your dad was leaving for good this time.

"Hey, hey, it's all gonna be okay. Okay? I know your mom isn't the best, but you'll always have me, right? I'm here, sweetheart. I'm here."

That whole night he tried his best to keep a smile on your face. Watching all your favorite movies, listening to your favorite albums, even going as far to let you paint his nails. (Something he'd been heavily opposed to before.)

It was that night you fell in love with him. That night you knew you could see the rest of your life with him.

Little did you know, he fell too.

-

Today was the day. The day you were finally going to tell Eddie how you feel. At this point in your friendship, it was only getting harder and harder to play pretend. Pretend you were absolutely smitten by this man.

There was once a time you'd been so sure you were going to get over him. So convinced that this was nothing but a school girl crush, it'd be over in a few weeks, you told yourself.

But then weeks turned to months, and months turned to years. Now, you're certain the long haired boy would be the death of you. It's the little things, you know? The way he looks at you, the long hugs that just friends really don't do, occasional hand holding, late night movie nights, not to mention the kisses you leave on his cheek every so often.

It was going to drive you mad if you didn't get this off your chest. Regardless on if he feels the same, he deserves to know your real feelings right?

...Right?

"Hey! I kinda need to talk to you at some point today when you get the chance?"

It was lunchtime, and while sure, you've been graduated for two years, no one tries to stop you when you come for lunch. So here you were.

"Yea, we can meet up in our usual spot after school if you want?" The nod of your head signals your agreement, butterflies blooming in your stomach as he looks at you. Then, he looks at the rest of the table before standing to his feet.

"I too, wanna talk about something with all of you! Theres been some... Interesting events that's transpired these last few weeks. I met a lady!"

The table fell silent, the boys trying to decipher whether or not he was just joking. You, however, were frozen. Hoping it was just a new friend.

"Her name is Stephanie, and she's been coming to our shows a lot lately. We started talking, she's actually really cool! And last night? I asked her out and she fucking said yes!"

This was it, the confirmation you needed. He didn't feel the same way. Obviously he didn't. There's no point in telling him your feelings anymore. Especially since now, apparently, he was already taken.

"Shes actually on her way over right now, do you guys wanna meet her? Shes kinda nervous but I assured her you're all cool. So don't be little shits, okay?"

The table as a whole agreed with anticipation. Dustin jokingly saying something about making no promises. Everyone was getting excited. You? You were silent.

"There she is!"

Seemingly out of nowhere came this beautiful girl. Long brown curls, piercing blue eyes, her attire was exactly what you would picture Eddies girlfriend to be. Guns n Roses t-shirt, black leather pants, heeled combat boots with bracelets up the wazoo. Thats not even mentioning her makeup. The perfect middle, not too dark, but not exactly bright either. She was oozing with confidence, making you more or less intimidated. She was perfect. And she wasn't you.

"Hi everyone! I'm Stephanie, but you can call me Steph. It's nice to finally meet you all!"

'Nervous my ass' you thought to yourself. This woman carried herself in the highest manner, and it definitely shows.

You pulled yourself out of your ass long enough to cast a smile at her. Trying not to focus too long on Eddies arms sliding to waist.

Gareth is the first to speak, "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Gareth, this is Jeff, Grant, Dustin, Mike, Lucas, and that's Y/n. And on behalf of us all, you better not hurt him. We are the satanic criminals in town!"

Everyone laughed, even you. By this point you had gotten over the initial shock, now looking at Eddie and seeing how absolutely smitten he was with her. Seeing him so happy, so in love, was enough to get out of your thoughts. (At least for right now.)

It isn't his fault you never said anything sooner, even if he did feel the same way at some point. There's no use telling him the truth now, seeing as how you're getting confirmation of your biggest fears right at this moment.

But... seeing the smile on Eddies face as he stares at her, you can't bring yourself to do anything about it. It hurts, yeah. Fuck if it doesn't wreck your body to shreds. But that's your problem. And there's nothing you can really do about it.

The rest of lunch is just everyone getting to know Eddie's new girl, and to everyone's surprise, shes actually pretty nice. She listens to everything everyone says, shes witty and it's actually kind of impressive how well shes keeping up with all the chaos that is the hellfire table.

And that's the worst part. You can't even hate her.

Later on that day you attempt to meet Eddie in the woods near the school. A place he usually uses for deals and such, but it also acts as your meeting point if anything happens.

You don't even know why you still showed up. You're definitely not going to spill the beans about your feelings. However you figured it'd be kind of weird to just flake on him.

Instead, however, he flaked on you.

You'd been waiting for over an hour and a half, and still nothing but silence comes out of the woods. It wasn't hellfire today, and you know there's nothing else going on. Until it hits you.

He's probably with Stephanie.

-

The following weeks are what can only be described by you is hell. You'd kept up the daily schedule of going to the school. If not for Eddie, for everyone else. They were all your friends. Not just Eddie.

But it was getting more and more difficult to pretend you don't care. To pretend it's not a stab in your chest every time you see them kiss, or hug, or hold hands. It's getting to the point where it's impossible.

Your breaking point to edging closer. Truly, how much more could you take? He was happy, clearly, but fuck if it was gut-wrenchingly painful to see.

Dustin, Mike, and Lucas had all known about your pain. The three of them trying their best to keep you busy when you showed a sign of that wall breaking.

It was pretty incredible how mature they were, really. If you didn't know them you wouldn't really think they'd be freshman.

But despite their efforts, that wall you'd tried to hard to build, would soon come crashing down.

Eddie and Stephanie were sitting close together, giggling about some inside joke you'll never know. It was silly, really, to have something this small send you toppling over the edge. It was when Eddie sneaked a kiss to her lips when the wall cracked. Everything you'd bottled up behind it came crashing out. Shattering into millions of pieces, daring to cut into you at any given moment.

You'd made a decision that day. You couldn't do this. Not anymore.

Hellfire could deal without you. Dustin, Mike and Lucas would surely understand. Maybe Grant, Jeff, and Gareth would be confused, but you're sure it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why you wont be showing up anymore. You just needed to tell Eddie the truth. Something you'd initially decided against, but if anyone deserves to know, it's him.

The Gods have granted you one day without Stephanie. Eddie mentioning her grandma needing her help with something. If you were only going to get this one day, you'd be dammed if you didn't use it.

"Hey Eddie? Can we talk? In private?"

The look on your face sent Eddie a weird feeling, something was wrong. Has been wrong for a few days now. He'd been trying to shake this feeling off, but now, looking at you, he has to face it head on.

"Yeah, sure. Wanna go to our spot?"

You nodded and turned to grab your things. Making your way over to the exit, squeezing Dustins shoulder on the way, letting him know what's about to happen. You turn back, taking one last look at them, seeing them waving sadly at you. Giving them one more smile, you head outside with Eddie.

Once you finally reach the table in the woods, you sit down. The already unstable dam close to breaking.

"Y/n, you gotta talk to me, sweetheart. Did something happen? You've been... Off. These past few days."

You let out a sad little laugh.

"It's been a hell of a lot longer than a few days, Eds. I need to tell you something, and I know it's gonna completely destroy everything. But I- I can't go on much longer denying my own feelings."

Eddie is staring at her, nodding his head, egging her to continue.

"I'm in love with you, Eddie. I have been for so fucking long. And I know it's kinda selfish of me to just tell you now that you have Stephanie, but Eddie, I'm gonna get honest with you, it's getting fucking impossible to see her hung up on your lap every day and pretend I'm okay with that. To pretend I'm not in fucking agony."

She stood closer to him, tears welling in her eyes.

"Remember the day you told us all about Steph? When I told you I had something to tell you?"

He nodded, words getting caught up in his throat. That day he'd lost track of time, by a whole three hours nonetheless. He'd been showing Stephanie the hellfire room, all his figurines and costumes. By the time he realized he'd kept you waiting, you'd already been long gone. You never brought it up again the next day, so neither did he. Maybe he should've.

"That day, I was gonna tell you everything. I was gonna spill my heart out to you right here in our spot. I'm kinda glad you flaked on me that day, actually. I have no idea what I would've said to you.

I tried to keep going, to keep pushing through because you look... So happy. Every time you hug her, or kiss her, or even just laugh with her, Eddie it wrecks me. I can't keep going like this. It's nothing short of torture and I need... To stop."

Eddie stepped away from her a bit.

"Stop? What is that supposed to mean? It's not my fault you didn't say anything before! Now you spring this shit on me out of the blue? Because why? You couldn't handle it anymore? Thats not fair, Y/n."

Eddie was getting overwhelmed. He'd spent so long dreaming about you telling him all this. So long he'd pined for his best friend. Now that he'd finally moved on, turns out she'd felt the same way along? He didn't know what to think.

"I know it's not Eddie! But what would be even more unfair is me disappearing and giving you no explanation as to why. To just leave everyone hanging and no one knowing why... That's why I'm telling you this. Because I cant... I can't continue to wish I was something I'm not."

"And what's that, huh?"

"Yours."

Eddie didn't mean to get so heated. His emotions were everywhere, he didn't know what to think, let alone say next. Fortunately, you did.

"I love you Eddie. And you don't love me and that's okay. But I cannot keep pretending that I don't."

She took a step closer to him, grabbing his hands. He was frozen in place, not knowing what was about to happen.

"You're my best friend, Eddie. I'll always be here for you. Don't ever feel like I'm abandoning you. I just won't be coming around here anymore. I have to do this. For me and you. I know you really like Steph. And you know whats so fucked up about this? I actually like her too. It'd be so much easier if I could just... Hate her. But I can't. Because she makes you happy and that's something I can't bring myself to hate."

You squeezed his hand, looking up at him with tears in your eyes. Not even bothering to wipe them away anymore.

"If you need me, you know where I am."

You gave him one last hug, squeezing to make it last.

With that you let go, and walked away, leaving Eddie trying to put himself back together.

-

When Eddie finally got back to the table, he was silent. The three freshmen looking at him sympathetically. He'd lost his best friend, had he really been so blind?

Eddie tries to think back to all the times you'd spend night together. The times you'd fall asleep on his chest, hands clinging to whatever shirt he was wearing that night. The times you'd jump in his arms from some cheesy horror flick her got, specifically to make you flinch on him. The times Eddie would sneak in your window for no reason other than just wanting to be in your presence.

The times Eddie almost spilled his guts out to you just as you had.

He feels like he's about to throw up. Of course he'd fucked this up, too. Stephanie is really cool, he likes her a lot. But she's not you, and she never will be.

If only he'd just waited. One more day, even! You'd be together, kissing, cuddling, hell he'd even consider taking you to prom seeing as you didn't go to yours. He'd do anything to go back in time, to make this right. To go back to before he'd broken your heart.

You needed your space, he knew that, and maybe, he thinks, this is for the better.

Maybe Y/n and I are just... Not meant to be.

-----------

Part 2??

[glitter-bunny420]

for your viewing pleasure, here is a list of some of the most iconic quotes from snapcube’s sonic the hedgehog fandub series

*sighs* "I miss my wife, Tails. I miss her a lot. I'll be back."

“Oh!” “Bitch, you are gon’ get in this car or I'm poppin’ between your eyes!" "Wait, I know you! I saw your dick on Twitter!" “AGH! GOD DAMN-!”

"What the fuck?! Is that Shadow's dick?!"

"Who posted my nudes on Twitter dot com?! Oh no! Oh no, they put it all the way in the fucking islands! Now everyone’s gonna know about my secret egg dick. Where do you think you're going, cucker?" "I don't talk to people whose dicks are less than three inches.”

"I can't believe your tits are one polygon!"

*evil laughter* "You fool! I have seventy alternative accounts!"

"Ah! I just remembered a traumatising experience in my past. Hang on, I have to stim and I'll feel better."

"Welcome to Tilted Towers! Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Memphis Tennessee and I'm part lizard."

“I peed on your wife, Robotnik. She's mine now. That’s the law." "What the actual shit?! What?!"

"Alright, since Team FurAffinity fucked my wife, I’m going to have to have you both be a part of my team. Why is the camera zooming in?!" “I mean, I guess that’s fine as long as I get my weed back, I don’t really care.” “I don’t have a character motive.” “Listen! We’re going to explore this island. You’re going to find Sonic. He has all the weed that you need - the gonja, that mary jane. Mari-jamij! All in his pockets. He is your local drug dealer and I’m going to blow up the island. Now go look for Sonic. And hurry up, you... fucking... cuckhogs.”

“I'm going to kill you. And then kill you again."

"Hi, Mr. President! We need your help! Some masked villain named the Glitch-” “Sonic! My long lost lover! It’s fi- Oh.” “Wha- Hey, I told you not to bring that up anymore. I'm putting that behind me, Mr. President.”

“You didn’t think I had legs, did ya? I’m like Gru, except I’m the one before Gru. I’m... Eggru. Ooh, gottem.”

“But Maria, you smelt it! Therefore, you are the one who dealt it!”

“You motherfucker! You just left me to die!" "Top thirty reasons why Sonic is sorry. Number five will surprise you." “Top thirty anime deaths! Number one! Your fucking ass right now!”

”All of that you see before you? Everything the piss touches, that is your kingdom. And you, my son, shall go forth and inherit it.”

”What are you two fucking talking about?!”

”Well, ten years have passed and I feel the same way, Rouge.” “You still wanna pee in a Hot Topic?” “Yes, Rouge. Thank you for listening to my insane ramblings about peeing in a Hot Topic.” “Listen, I’ll take you to a Hot Topic.” “Finally... A place to release myself.”

”Oh, this? It’s my arm!”

“Do you see this? This is the diamond that I’m going to give to my brand new husband and/or wife. It’ll be theirs for the rest of time. With the GameCube 2. So if you want-” “Whoa, he’s bisexual! I didn’t know that-” “By the way, I’m bisexual.”

“Are you my mom?!” “No? What... the fuck?”

“Maria.” *explosion sounds*

“I don’t feel so good. Why are all my limbs slack? Why can’t I move my eyes? Why can’t I move my mouth? Is this an internal dialogue? I can’t see the end of the horizon. HATSUNE MIKU, IS THAT YOU?!”

*various voices repeating “Maria” all at once* “I never learned how to reeeaaad.”

“Silver, you know what? You’re a twink. I’m gonna go smoke some weed now.” “How long were you waiting to say that?” “The whole dub, baby!”

“One!” “Yeah, one.”

“This is an advanced skateboarding trick.” “Yeah, it’s called ‘Digging Up Atlantis’.”

“I... will fucking... end you.”

And last but certainly not least...

"I've come to make an announcement. Shadow the Hedgehog's a bitch-ass motherfucker! He pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, he took his hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was ‘THIS BIG’, and I said ‘That's disgusting!’, so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter dot com. Shadow the Hedgehog, you've got a small dick. It's the size of this walnut except way smaller. And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like!” *explosion sounds* “That's right, baby. All points, no quills, no pillows. Look at that, it looks like two balls and a bong. He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the Earth! That's right, this is what you get! My super laser piss! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher! I'M PISSING ON THE MOON! How do you like that, Obama?! I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrop-o-lets hit the fucking Earth! Now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!”

[slothspaghettiwrites]

damn your love, damn your lies

damn your love, damn your lies

Story Rating: Explicit, 18+ only

Kink: Masturbation - the manual stimulation of one’s genitals to achieve orgasm. It can be done with one’s own hands or with the assistance of an everyday item or sex toy.

Warnings: Dub Con (maybe noncon), body oil, dirty talk, light degradation, some minor praising, made up tiefling lore.

Relationships: Tiefling!Stephen Strange x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1215

A/N: Tiefling - a race whose human ancestors made a bargain with devils to increase their power. Inspired by this post by @cuppimagines

This work has Adult Content. By clicking “Keep Reading” you have agreed that you are over the age of 18 and are willing to view such content. My work is not to be copied or translated onto any other platform. I have discontinued my taglist - follow @slothspaghettilibrary to be notified of when I post new fics.

You checked the book one more time, the candles, the chalk, the salt. It was all in place and ready to go. Flames flickered and turned from orange to black as you started chanting. As you neared the final line of the incantation, though, a sparking orange portal appeared in the middle of your summoning circle.

“I sensed an astronomical level of stupidity radiating from this point.” Stephen announced himself in a tone dripping with disdain and exasperation, stepping out of the portal.

His gaze fell to your barely tied together robe, lingering around your naked thighs before drifting to your left where you had left the goodies for tonight's revenge. Stephen had been making your life a living hell for weeks; ignoring you for days then pouncing on you. He teased and taunted, then would run off before either of you found release. His persistence that he didn’t want to date, to even be fuck buddies, was at war with his actions as of late.

And you were sick of it.

Rejection you could handle, his hot and cold bull shit had to end. Especially after yesterday morning.

“Here, I made too much tea.”

You breezed into the inner sanctum, still dressed in your pajamas and completely unprepared for the feral growl that came from across the room. A curse exploded from your mouth as the cup crashed to the floor and you were shoved into the door. Sharp teeth and curved horns caressed your skin. Hips ground into your stomach, pushed and pushed until you were sure you’d be crushed.

“Finally ready to bone?”

Stephen growled in your ear, slapped a large hand over your mouth to shut you up, and kept grinding. It was only when you pulled at his hair, moaning into his palm, that he stopped. He flung himself across the room. A grimace settled on his face as you slumped against the fall, aching and needing release. He portaled out of the room before you could come up with some snarky response.

Motherfucker.

“No.”

Stephen sounded like he stopped breathing, like he had to force the single syllable word past his lips. He opened a portal just behind him, but when he turned, he couldn’t step through it. A smirk settled on your lips when he turned back around. You could see the rage simmering under the surface, the way his pale blue skin tinted shades darker and something flashed behind his eyes.

"So those old, boring rumors are true." you licked your lips before biting your bottom lip. "Sorcerer Supreme Strange does still commune with his dark ancestry."

"You don't-"

"Oh, I don't really care." Your robe slipped off your shoulder as you shifted. "I'm just innocently enjoying some self care with lovely aromatherapy candles… body oils to make my skin soft and… wet."

Your robe slipped from your body, billowing behind where you knelt. Stephen abruptly turned around, but you didn’t miss the noise he made. Weak and hungry in the back of his throat like a starved man. That doesn’t stop you. The small bottle of oil smelled heavenly; lusty, sensual, spicy, everything you could want. Dribbles of it fell across your chest, warming your skin slowly. You sighed and hummed, fingers dancing across your skin until it glistened in the firelight.

At the first whimper, when you pulled and plucked at your nipples until they were hard, he turned around. His chest heaved with every ragged breath he took, his hands shook by his side, and his cock tented his pants.

“I’m not very good at teasing,” You pouted, spreading your knees wider so he could see your dripping cunt. “Just always been so impatient.”

A growl ripped through the air. “You-”

“You’ve been teasing me for too long, Stephen. A girl can only take so much.”

Your finger trailed down your body, drops of oil following the same path until you circled your clit. The swollen and throbbing after weeks of denial and now this. Stephen stared at you, eyes glued to your hand as you played with yourself, worked yourself up until you were panting. His demeanour shifted subtly, the usually stoic man crouched at the edge of the circle.

“Is the game you wish to play with me, pretty girl? You think I haven’t wanted to bend you over every surface in this fucking house since you got here? See how you look stuffed with my cock?” Your eyes fluttered closed while your lips parted, a sinful groan echoing around the room. “That what you want? For me to fuck you stupid?”

“God, yes.” You moaned, adding a second finger as you swirled them around your clit.

You wanted to be stuffed so full you were gagging with it. You wanted to grab Stephen by the horns every fucking time you saw him and ride him into the motherfucking sunset. You wanted to cum.

“Let me out and I will.” He tried to bargain with you.

“I’m not stupid.” You groaned, other hand grabbing at your chest, pinching your nipple as a wave arousal and need washed over. “Beg me. Beg me to let you out, so can fuck me.”

He stared you down, blue eyes burning your flesh only taking your pleasure higher. He removed his cape, his robes falling quietly over the chalk sigil. Stephen was beautiful, toned and scarred and everything you had dreamed about. He untied his belts, but left his pants to loosely hang around his narrow waist.

“Let me out, break the fucking salt circle, and let me fuck your messy cunt. I know it feels empty right now. You haven’t put a single finger in, pretty girl. You want to be tight for me, don’t you? My big cock’s gonna wreck you, split you right in half. I want to do it, want to see you cream all over my dick until you are begging me to stop. But you have to let me out.”

Your thighs burned from kneeling for so long, but you didn’t care. Stephen was right, just like he always was, but you weren’t going to be left wanting. You moved positions, placed as much of your weight as you could onto the hand behind you. He wanted to see you cum, well he was going to have to settle for this. Your fingers moved faster, harsher, against your clit. Every beat of your pulse rippled through it. The muscles in your stomach trembled. You were right there. You threw your head back as you came, eyes squeezing shut as the euphoria washed over your body.

You collapsed backwards, body aching and tired.

“We’ll work on your begging in a second when I’m ready for another round.”

You groaned as you unfolded your legs, the jellied muscles still shaking as you stretched them out in front of you as far as they could reach. There was a small clatter, but you ignored it as you stretched your tired muscles. Weightlessness settled over you for a moment, but it didn’t last. A hand clamped around your ankle and dragged you across the floor until you were face to face with Stephen.

“Oh, we are going to work on begging, but it’s going to be you begging me to stop.”

[blacknovelist]

Speaking as someone who has played oneshot since its initial iterations as an rpgmaker game a solid... man. It's been like. What. Almost seven years?? Eight???? Screw the progression of time, man, the original game came out literally in 2014

But like it's insane to think about ngl. I remember when it was just this... little short cute lookin meta game I picked up not long after playing OFF (since the meta scene was super popular by then) like, oh, cool, let's see what it can do! It'll be fun!

It turns out what it can do is give you terminal brainrot that lasts a blindingly vivid eight years and the now borderline fundamental childhood-earlyteen memory of crying for over an hour over the weight of the impending decision you'd have to make and the knowledge that the consequences, both good and bad, would be permanent, and it was up to me to decide what i could live with. I assure you all I have been very normal about it this whole time.

I have not been normal ever since holy FUCK that moment was formative

But like... man. I remember thinking, wow. This game is really small and niche. It's gonna be one of those little things I store in my chest and hold onto forever that I won't get to see outside of my sphere much. When the steam version got announced I was MIND blown and SO excited, because this was my favorite game on the PLANET and suddenly it was not only coming to steam but maybe there would be NEW STUFF like holy SHIT! I can recommend it so much easier!

and fucking. Solstice. Solstice. Hang on I need to readmore if I go on cause this is getting into spoilers but motherfucking solstice I just

This game has meant so much to me and it means the world that. Here it is. Joyous and loud and so very cared for. It's small but beloved and I can't believe we got all the way over here. Oneshot is on every major console now. It has its little virtual machine. I love it so much and it's out there for everyone else to see... I am. So glad.

[Spoilers below the cut— I usually believe they don't matter that much, but Oneshot is one of the very few games I believe deeply needs to be experienced mostly blind the first time so please take care]

When oneshot on steam first released tho like. people who Don't Know, I need you to know that solstice did not exist back then. We had two total clues that it was even a thing— the clock in the Refuge, gradually counting down, and the bolded words on the game steam page. Yall, that was IT. When it first came out, there was no "return to the beginning" or whatever, it was just... the journal. And the tower, helping niko even when he didn't know I was there. Hell, the journal was new to steam and I remember it, you know. How afraid I was. For the world. For Niko. For everything, that first time. Because I loved it, and I wanted things to be as good as I could make it.

And we counted the days until solstice. We wondered. We figured out what day the clock would stop counting on, wondered what the door would do. And then it dropped, and suddenly... suddenly there was the chance for everything to change. Do you know how magical that was? Three years of knowing the choice was always one or the other, even when little things changed, only to be told that maybe... maybe this could be it?

Fuck, guys.

And now we are here again. I never would have dreamed this little game I loved would end up on literal game consoles— but it's so clear to me how much love went into this game port to make it happen. The essence is the same but you gave it just enough that I.... man. Man. I. Never knew a gut punch like 'From Niko'. But it reminds me, you know? This world never died, not really. Not even at first, back then, when it was all or nothing, one or the other. It was always in my heart.

It's in Niko's heart too. And all of yours, who played it. I don't know what else to say or think, really, other than... thank you.

[obeiii-mee]

Hello! Can I request an hc about a shady MC who's not phase by anything in Devildom with the brothers (and Diavolo?? he deserves love!!!)? Like, when Luci's like "i CaN KiLL yOu hUmAN", MC's reaction was like "Oh... congratulations then." i need more shady mc who may or may not be planning to ruin your life😂😂 Thanks and take care!!❤❤

The Brothers + Diavolo with an MC that is not phased by DevilDom

__________________________________

Pls I need more shady MC, they would not take any shit from the brothers. Put any Gen Z-er with these guys and you’ve got yourself a suicidal and reckless human exchange student.

They wouldn’t know what to do with one of those ahaksbakanhaka you’re right, Diavolo deserves all the love >:(((((((

You better take care too >:( thanks for sending me this big brain request. I’ve been preoccupied with other projects so I took a while to get to this ask. Hope you’re doing OK💙

____________________________________

Lucifer:

-He thought having a human exchange student was going to be bad enough as it is but this…..this was so much worse than he could have ever imagined

-The moment you arrived, he already knew you were going to be a problem child and a persistent one at that

-Literally the first thing you asked him was : “Why do you look like an off-brand Levi Ackerman?”

-And he was left there, astounded, confused and offended because he had no idea who you were talking about (cuz at that point you hadn’t met the third eldest) and the tone you had was, frankly, pissing him off

-You kept wondering off on your own????? Without looking like you gave a shit even though you almost walked into a butcher’s shop that specialises in human meat???? Tf MC?

-Also really irritated that you couldn’t be intimidated and that DevilDom was like a playground to you, for some reason? Like, MC get out of the fiery pits of eternally tormented souls- this is Hell, not the McDonald’s ball pit ffs

-Things did not improve for him lmao, by the end of the first week he had already ripped out a good chunk of his hair because of you

-“MC, you should know by now provoking demons like this for no good reason is only going to make life harder for you. Keep this up and you’ll get killed in no time because of your behaviour.”

-“Great, can we have a hip-hip and a hurray?”

-In the span of one day, he’s had to come to your rescue six times (approximately) because you’re too nonchalant about your surroundings around literal creatures of hell

-He doesn’t have enough coffee or will to live for this bs

-“Lucifer, I found this dead plant and brought it here because it reminded me of you.”

-“…..sigh. Why? Why does it remind you of me?”

-“Because it’s cold and unresponsive.”

-He made the consecutive decision to ignore you

-(low-key kept the plant tho)

-Honestly, you get on his nerves a lot and he has definitely contemplated killing you in the past but at the end of the day he really can’t bring himself to do it

-We both know he tried a few times lmfao

-“I will tear you limb from limb, human-“

-“Can I finish my tea first.”

-“You…wait, what?”

-“You’re crazy if you think I’m letting this tea get cold. Try to kill time before I’m done and I’ll smash this cup against your head.”

-If you try hard enough, you might even elicit a laugh out of him, especially if your shadiness is directed at any of his brother which results in him patting your head affectionately

-Nowadays he’s just concerned because you seemed to have made an alliance of sorts with Belphagour and Satan and that’s not a good sign

-For his sake, if not yours, at least try to survive the year without getting chomped on by a random demon please

-He’s too stubborn to let you die just because you’re unbothered by everything so cut him some slack and help out damn it

Mammon:

-“Oi Lucifer, how come I’m stuck babysittin’ this stupid human?”

-“And how come I’m stuck with this asshole for a tour guide, with his fake ass designer shoes and no brand sunglasses. That’s a lot of smack talk from someone with crow shit stains covering the back of his jacket. Also, did you stick your hair in a bucket of mayonnaise?”

-……..

-He was so offended lol

-Normally, humans like you cower in fear whenever demons are as much as mentioned because of the whole “I can eat you whole” thing

-And here you are; insulting the Avatar of Greed and one of the princes of Hell himself just because you didn’t like his attitude

-Don’t worry tho, he warms up to you in less than a fucking month simply because you still come to his rescue whenever his brothers start insulting him and wow, look at that, his heart is now combusting on the floor

-“Y’all have no right to criticise Mammon when he has the most self control out of all of you.”

-“Since when does Mammon have any self control? He can’t keep himself from nicking anything that looks shiny.”

-“Motherfucker, I don’t see him trying to choke me to death, respectfully pls shut the fuck up. I don’t want to say I have favourites but if I do, it’s definitely him.”

-While Mammon’s in the background, with hearts instead of pupils in his eyes like ❤️👄❤️

-He doesn’t even mind running around after you anymore (will still complain about it though because your ass is in constant danger and he’s had enough)

-Honestly, you keep starting shit with random demons, some of which are quite powerful mind you, and you don’t back down even when he’s there to step in

-Would low key love to watch you fight one of your classmates at RAD and organise a ticket selling booth for the event but Lucifer will hang him a new one if he does

-So for now, he sticks to baring his teeth at the aggravator in question and you’re there, giving the same demon the middle finger

-The way you sometimes match his energy gets him so hyped up lmao

-“Mammon, did you steal Levi’s money again?”

-“T’s none of her business human. Now go away, shoo!”

-“Bitch, don’t ‘shoo’ me, I ain’t a bird. Now tell me, did you?”

-“…..Why do you ask?”

-“Because a new flavour of instant noodles just got announced, called ‘Super Hell-Sauce Flavour’ and I thought you might be more interested in that than wasting the money on gambling.”

-“….ok but only if you come with me to buy some.”

-This…this is true love right here

Levi:

-Oh no, now there’s two of you

-Why do I feel like his energy would match MC’s almost immediately? Maybe it’s because he spends too much time in his room on the internet like the rest of us do

-“What do you want, you stupid normie?”

-“300…..”

-“….300 what?”

-“300 mangas collected, thousands of episodes of anime watched, over 60 character figurines, plushies, body pillows, merchandise and several posters only to be called a fucking normie by a demon weeb that’s only known me for 10 minutes.”

-Boom, instant friendship

-He becomes attached to you almost immediately and now that he knows how unphased you are by DevilDom, he is seriously worried

-Hell, you’re making him consider going outside his room just to make sure you’re alive and not dead in a ditch somewhere because you decided to get on someone’s nerves that particular day

-Even during the quiz thing, when he almost kills you, you’re just sitting on the floor and awkwardly watching him as he throws a sissy fit

-Levi feels sort of conflicted with you because one one hand you’re good company and he loves having you around, you’re his Henry after all

-But on the other hand, you put yourself in so much danger it makes him paranoid so often to the point where he wants to keep you locked in his room and wrapped in bubble wrap

-Nearly had a heart attack when you almost walked right into a pit of lava like MC???? This isn’t one of his video games???? You’re not gonna respawn if you die????

-Besides all that, he gets a bit jealous of you confidence and your ability to just do whatever without fearing death or consequence

-“MC, how do you do it?”

-“Do what?”

-“How do you go about your life without a care in the world?”

-“I guess I’ll tell you my secret Levi. I’m not like other humans that’s why, I’m just so unique I do things differently.”

-“You sound like a pick me-“

-As long as you’re OK and not injured because of your carelessness, he’s indifferent about your behaviour and will even applaud you for your bravery when it comes to this sort of thing

-“lmao the human exchange student just dumped Solomon’s cooking in the trash while looking him dead in the eye 💀💀💀”

Satan:

-Your attitude towards DevilDom and demons in general kept him entertained, if nothing else

-You rarely seemed to consider how much of a threat that place really is and usually you were just running around, completely ignoring Lucifer’s rules and doing your own thing

-Which, you know, he’s all about

-I can’t say there were no incidents between the two of you

-With his short temper and your tendency to say things without caring about the consequences, there were definitely moments when he might’ve snapped on you

-“MC for goodness sake, what happened to my room?”

-“What do you mean?”

-“It’s an absolute mess! I just told you to bring me my spells and curses book, not mow through everything!”

-“It’s not my fault this place is built like a fucking labyrinth. You should be grateful I went to get it for you at all, I almost tripped and died several times on my way back. Also, you should get a new ladder for your shelves. It did the broken.”

-“MC….”

-“Yes?”

-“You are so lucky I love you.”

-Other than the fact his anger takes over him when things like these happen, he not so subtly encourages you to keep going because seeing Lucifer scowl at your antics gets him wheezing his lungs out

-I like to think Satan would be very impressed, even in the beginning, at the amount of nonchalance you can radiate at times

-I mean, you sure as hell don’t see it often and he loves how unpredictable you are more often than not

-If anything, he should probably thank you-idk how, but his patience has increased significantly every since you got here and he appreciates having some more control of his emotions

-“I’m gonna go put oil in Lucifer’s shoes.”

-“Do you have a death wish?”

-“Satan, I am old enough to make my own decisions and I concluded that this action is necessary.”

-“Necessary for what?”

-“Raising everyone’s morale! All of you seemed to feel down lately so I thought this would be fun for everybody!”

-“Except Lucifer, right?”

-“Except Lucifer. He grounded me from my D.D.D like I’m a fucking teenager who needs to be supervised-pssshht, I’m the most responsible one here.”

-“Yes clearly.”

-“Goodbye dear Satan, I may die today. But it’s for the greater good! (Dramatic exit with sound effects)”

-“WAIT MC!”

-“(pops head back in) yes?”

-“May I offer you my assistance?”

-You’re basically taking turns pranking his brothers and it’s hilarious

-Satan is not too worried about your well being simply because he knows his siblings and him are always going to be nearby to save you if you pull something stupid again

-Even so, he checks up on you throughout the day; just to make sure

-“Where were you?”

-“Running from a bunch of demons. Who wanted to go munchy crunchy on me, I assume.”

-“……”

-“Either that or people here are a lot friendlier than originally expected.”

-You can be such a handful and it really tests him, especially when he’s angry enough to begin with

-But despite your amazing talent at either getting completely lost around Hell, purposely walking into a prohibited place just because you felt like it or riling up others with how blunt you are, he still cares about you deeply

-You may be a pain the ass, but you’re his pain in the ass <3

Asmo:

-He should’ve known something was up with this particular human when you stood there, completely calm and collected, while Beel salivated at the thought of eating you on your first day

-Asmo just brushed it off for a while but it kept happening???

-The first time Lucifer ever told you off, you really went and said ��Or what? Are you going to eat me? If so, you can go ahead and start with-“

-He came to your rescue and covered your mouth before you got to finish and before Lucifer unleashed his wrath on to everyone in that house

-“OOPSIE! I think MC has been spending too much time with me. Sorry Lucifer, we gotta run now! We have a party to attend, don’t we MC darling?”

-“You mean the one hosted by the guy that tried to kill me because I shoved into him on the hallway at school and then proceeded to tell him to go fuck himself right back into whatever hell hole he was born in before you came and charmed our way out of it?”

-“Yes.”

-“Ah OK. “

-You’re tiring for sure but you’re not exactly unlikeable

-You have a certain charm hanging about you that Asmo loves

-“I almost died like…30 minutes ago.”

-“WAIT WHAT?? WHY?? WHAT HAPPENED-MC ARE YOU OK???”

-“Yeah, I almost drank some poison today because someone told me it was water. It smelt off though so I didn’t.”

-“….”

-“Anyway, I got you this bracelet on my way home.”

-He really does wish you would take things a bit more seriously

-This is your life on the line, you know? What would he do if you died?

-“MC, you’re not immortal, you can die so much more easily than I can, you know that right???”

-“I don’t care.”

-“Well I do! And you should too….”

-A lot of people don’t see past his vanity tbh, because he can be such a caring person towards the people he loves

-The amount of videos he has of you appearing to be completely calm while pure chaos is descending in the background is pretty impressive

-Every time he uses his charm on you to try and get you to commit his sin, it just doesn’t work???? For some reason???? And even if it’s just with simple, innocent affection for now, he is determined to tempt you into it

-“MC~gimme a hug!”

-“But that’s social interaction and I don’t support it- do you have a charger for my D.D.D by any chance?

-Or at least die trying to ig

-Asmo loves having you around but you’re giving him wrinkles and that’s not okay >:(

Beel:

-The moment he realised how carefree you actually were, he sort of started checking up with you quite frequently throughout the day

-It’s his way of protecting you but if he could, he would follow you around all the time

-Becomes your body guard because you may not care enough about your safety but he certainly does so get ready to be carried everywhere

-You will not get hurt nor will anyone mess with you if he has a say in it and let me tell you, he does

-Thing is, his brothers mostly know him for being slightly dense in some aspects of day to day life

-He’s not perceptive of things that don’t involve food or his loved ones

-And because you most definitely are a loved one of his, he does notice how careless you are really often

-And it scares, rather worries, him because DevilDom is an incredibly dangerous place-even with all the precautions they had taken when you came

-“MC get down, you could fall.”

-“But Beel, look-I’m finally taller than everyone else! Taller than you even! Hey, should I do a backflip?”

-He has no idea why you thought jumping from 60 meter high cliff into a small river of squashed demon blood was a good idea but he wasn’t going to risk anything just because you felt like showing off your diving skills

-Proceeds to carry you away, completely unfazed

-In this case, I feel like Beel is not someone who gets bothered by the horrible things happening around there either

-As long as he has food and his family is safe and happy then he’s also happy, as mentioned above

-But he knows he’s alright with DevilDom because he’s been living here for centuries now

-A bit curious as to why you’re so unbothered

-And even more curious as to why you weren’t terrified of him transforming in his demon form after he lost control when he found out you ate his pudding

-Or more like Mammon did and pushed the blame on you

-“YOU. ATE. MY. PUDDING!”

-“Beel I love you but if you did not just see Mammon shoving the damn container in my mouth two seconds prior to this, then you might need glasses.”

-He apologised to you later for it but even so, you didn’t seem to mind like at all and he didn’t really understand why

-Unless you end up explaining why exactly you feel so indifferent about your life being in potential danger, he won’t really pry

-But now he has even more reason to follow you around like a lost puppy

-Since it’s clear you don’t really care about protecting yourself

-So now it’s his job to do it

-MC protection squad? Mostly Beel and Mammon

-ahhh he cute

Belphie:

-Oh

-You piss him off so much

-He’s trying to have his moment, you know?

-Finally getting that glimmer of satisfaction after killing a human as a way to avenge his sister’s death

-Trying his hardest to make it as miserable as possible because he has so much rage in him, he needs you to suffer

-“Harder Daddy-“

-“Oh fuck off.”

-Nah but for real, what the fuck MC

-Why does he even bother, he feels like he should be sleeping instead of dealing with your bullshit

-Even afterwards, when your future self shows up and he tries to kill you again, you look more thoughtful than irritated???

-Lucifer and Beel are literally holding him back from doing another Chocky on you and you’re standing there, looking at him with your eyebrows raised

-“Hey Belphie, I have a quick question. I know you’re trying to kill me and everything but do you like the colour blue?”

-“HUH??!?!”

-“It’s a simple yes or no question Belphie. Do. You. Like. Blue?”

-“WHAT DOES IT MATTER???!!!”

-“BELPHAGOUR, AVATAR OF SLOTH-YES OR NO, JUST FUCKING ANSWER!”

-“YES! FUCK YOU!”

-“Ah ok thanks. I like blue too :)”

-????????????

-Pls he felt like sticking his foot down your throat

-As of late, he’s kind of glad he didn’t manage to scare you away that day and that he didn’t traumatise you or something

-At the time, he was mad because he didn’t understand why you weren’t scared but now he just wants to make it up to you

-“You didn’t deserve any of that. I’m sorry MC, I won’t blame you if you decide to stay away from me now.”

-“Stfu dipshit, what’s gotten you so depressed? Did you have another fight with Beel? I told you not to eat the last slice of cake.”

-“Rude ass, I was trying to apologise for my past mistakes-let me repent will you?”

-“Said no demon ever. Now let’s go hang out you emo bitch.”

-Y’all vibe together on a spiritual level once that shit gets sorted out

-But he’s kinda scared you might pull out a knife on him ngl

-Obviously, you’re still annoying as fuck with that indifferent attitude of yours but he can live with it

-He appreciates the fact that you’re not scared of him, even after what he’s done

Diavolo:

-Ah yes, the future King of DevilDom himself

-He’s very enthusiastic about the idea of you having fun this year…..and to keep you alive….

-He, of course, expected a range of reactions from you when he first summoned you here

-None of which were “Ok but could you not have given me a heads up? Before the whole teleportation thing? I face-planted your onto marvellously polished the floor and now I think I lost even more brain cells than before.”

-He felt so bad gagajajahahwgehhsb

-He apologised for bringing you out here without any warning like that and then proceeded to introduce you to everyone

-Diavolo is actually kind of relieved to see you’re handling everything pretty well

-He thought that maybe DevilDom was too much for a human to deal with

-Meeting Barbatos also went incredibly smooth

-“Barbatos? The one that cleans the floors right? Big fan of your work, I could eat off the floor of the main hall.”

-He’s so glad to see you getting along with everyone and not getting intimidated by the brothers

-It gets him excited thinking about how the exchange program is gonna work and all three realms will be united

-But he’s not stupid so don’t think he’ll allow you to stumble around, getting up to all sorts of mischief

-He always has someone watching you because he would hate to see you die, despite being pretty fond of your carefree attitude

-“MC, please be careful. Most demons here aren’t all that nice.”

-“Aye aye Captain.”

-He fears that many demons would take your indifference as a challenge and try to assert dominance or something by kidnapping you

-As far as creatures of hell go, they love installing fear in people

-So he always keeps an extra eye open for you

-And he’ll be there to help you if something goes wrong

-But other than that, he’s pretty chill as well and he finds you so hilarious, it’s been a while since he’s seen someone as eccentric and dramatic as Mammon and Asmo

-Idk what else to add here, Diavolo is very accepting and as long as you don’t get hurt, he’s glad you can get used to your new surroundings so easily

———————————-

Al~

[ilici]

drunk on you.

Summary: C!Schlatt was known as the drunk who didn't care about anything besides himself. That all changed when Y/N showed up, he's never been so infatuated with something like he was with Y/N.

NSFW MINORS DNI !

Warnings: Size kink, choking, subspace, gagging, unprotected.

Word Count: 2117

Schlatt was in his office, when he heard Tubbo and Fundy's muffled voices growing closer to his office. He was in no mood for business, he was slightly buzzed from drinking more vodka. If he drank anymore, he'd be absolutely hammered, but he held himself back as he had a meeting for Manburg later that day. Hearing the knock he dreaded the most, he grunted wanting to ignore them, but once again a knock was heard this time more eager sounding. "President, we need to talk to you. It's urgent." Funny's voice ripped out into the silence, and Schlatt just glared at the shut door. Not answering, the door was swiftly opened by Tubbo, and Fundy looked at him as if he were crazy.

Tubbo walked in, his horns showing prominently after his haircut, "Hello Schlatt." Tubbo said, nonchalantly as if he's done that more times than once. Funny gave Schlatt an apologetic look, before following Tubbo inside, his orange fur popping as Schlatt's office was dark and dull. He wanted it to match his "heart" as if he even had one. So he forced Niki and Fundy to paint it, "What do you guys want?" Schlatt said, already annoyed at their presence, "We have someone new who joined Manberg, we tried to tell you yesterday but you kept yourself locked in here." Fundy explained, on edge afraid if he said one thing, the bottle of vodka that was on Schlatt's desk would be thrown at him.

Schlatt slowly looked over at the fox, as his eyes were glued on Tubbo, annoyed that he entered without permission for the eleventh time. "So? What's it to me?" He asked, and Fundy sighed, "Sir you're the president, it's mandatory for you to know if someone joins or leaves." He announced, and Schlatt just stared at him, face holding no emotions. Fundy gulped, fairly loudly, which made Tubbo glance over at him, grabbing his wrist so he would relax. "Well, who are they?" Schlatt asked, wanting this conversation to end already, "Apparently they are Sapnap's adopted sister. Dream and them went into the snow biome across here, and found her there. They took her in for a couple days, then she left and wandered into Manberg and asked if she could stay." Tubbo said, noticing how on edge Fundy was. Schlatt looked at him, "They didn't kill her on the spot?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"No, probably because she was already on the brink of death from starvation. She has amor, netherite to be exact, I've also heard from George that she is good at combat." Tubbo added on, catching Schlatt's attention. "Why didn't they just leave her there to rot?" He asked once more, and Tubbo sighed, growing annoyed at the fact that Schlatt keeps asking why they didn't let her die. "Sapnap apparently felt guilty, and wanted to take her in. I'm guessing it took a lot of persuasion, because Sapnap now has a cut down his face from which I am assuming is from Dream." He explained, "Where did you get this Information?" The president asked, and a new voice spoke up from behind Tubbo. "Me." A much softer voice said, which caught Schlatt off guard.

Schlatt wondered how he had not noticed her before, but what threw him off even more was the fact that he could not see the girl. She was behind Tubbo, and Tubbo was already very short, so how old was this girl and how short was she? "Show yourself." He said, intrigued, and a small girl, decked out in netherite stepped out from behind Tubbo. It amazed him how small she was, she had to have been an inch smaller than 5'0. "What's your name?" He asked, and Y/N looked him in the eyes, her eyes held little to no emotions, "Y/N." She said, her voice strong and confident, "How old are you?" He asked, and Y/N just looked down, as if this conversation bored her. "I'm legal, if that's what you were wondering perv." She said, noticing that Schlatt was indeed checking her out.

Schlatt chuckled at her, "Fiesty aren't we?" He said, and Y/N glared at him, her E/C piercing through his skull. "Only with old men like you." She replied, and Schlatt let out a huff of air through his nostrils, almost as if it were meant to be a laugh. "She's welcome to join Manberg." He said, and Tubbo looked down at the girl, "Come on let's go Y/N." He said grabbing her wrist, his other hand still occupied with holding Fundy's. Dragging the two out, quite literally, the other two were stumbling on their feet trying to keep up with the teenager. "Slow down." Fundy pleaded, and Tubbo finally came to a halt when they were out of the building, "Y/N you will need to take your armor off, it's sorta a rule not to wear it in Manberg." He said, and Y/N audibly sighed as she took off her amor. Once her helmet was off her H/C hair finally showed itself, her H/L blowing in the gust of wind.

"You look pretty." Fundy said, now being able to see her without the amor, "Thanks I guess?" Y/N said, not really used to compliments. Her outfit consisted of F/C shirt and jeans. Her combat boots complimented the outfit, "Well we already gave you the tour yesterday, so if you need anything, you know where to find us." Tubbo said, as the two walked to their designated areas. Y/N looked around to try and find something to do, but was interrupted by the sound of footsteps coming up behind her. "Hello Schlatt." Y/N said, turning her head to the side where he now stood. "How'd you know it was me?" He asked, and Y/N just looked away, "You reek of alcohol, I basically smelt you." She said, and Schlatt scoffed and looked at her side profile. Schlatt being way taller than her, made him think of very inappropriate things he could do with her. "I don't appreciate that." Y/N spoke up, and Schlatt gave her a weird look, "I can hear your thoughts. They are very loud and fairly annoying." She told him, and Schlatt just looked away.

"How can you read minds?" He asked, and Y/N looked away, "I don't want to talk about my past." She mumbled, and Schlatt just nodded looking back at her, "So tell me what I am thinking of right now. Prove me wrong, because I don't believe you." He said, and Y/N looked over at him blankly, "What happens if I don't?" She said, wanting to bother him. Schlatt smirked, "You already know." He whispered, and Y/N rolled her eyes. "You're disgusting." She said walking away from him. Schlatt chuckled watching her walk away, before he walked away to go to the meeting he was having with Quackity and George. The entire meeting, his mind was thinking about Y/N in many ways.

It's now been four months since Y/N joined Manberg, and Schlatt has been on her ass at any moment he could. Y/N couldn't deny the feelings she was growing for the overly horny man. She could hear everyone's thoughts, but Schlatt's always overpowered theirs, which annoyed her because he kept her awake during the night with his lewd thoughts. "Fuck you Schlatt." She groaned tossing and turning in her bed, trying to sleep. Currently, Schlatt was having another daydream of him ruthlessly fucking the shit out of Y/N. She mainly couldn't sleep because of how loud his thoughts were, but she also felt this itching sensation that she tried to get rid of by touching herself but she simply couldn't cum. She never could, which was causing her sexual frustration to sky rocket. Letting a frustrated scream out, she threw her pillow at the wall before she got up.

She was now wearing her night shorts, and one of Fundy's shirts that she borrowed, from three months ago. Slinging her door open, she didn't care about the cold air biting at her bare legs and feet as she stomped her way towards Schlatt's house. "You fucking horny fuck." She grumbled on her way there, and Jack, who was awake watched her angrily make her way to Schlatt's house. He silently laughed to himself, as he knew why she was going there. He's caught her doing this many other times, which they bonded over and now the two were super close. "Don't kill him." Jack slightly shouted, and Y/N just flipped him off as she continued her way towards the rather ugly birch wood house. Ripping the door open, not even caring to knock at this point she basically bolted to his room. "Schlatt you motherfucker." She said, slinging the door open, and Schlatt looked over at her.

"What seems to be the problem princess?" He asked, and Y/N glared at him, as his eyes were glued to her thighs. "I will rip those horns right out of your goddamn head." She threatened, and Schlatt laughed getting up, his white t-shirt and black sweat pants, now visible. Walking over to her, he stood in front of her, dangerously close, "Do it." He whispered, and Y/N shoved his chest roughly, which he just stumbled back a bit before going back to his spot. "It's two in the morning princess, and yet here you are. In my room." He whispered, this time his voice huskier which sent a chill down Y/N's spine. "This is your room, what are you going to do about it?" She dared, and Schlatt chuckled darkly, "You already know." He said, as Y/N got deja vu from their first interaction like this.

Y/N bit her bottom lip, as Schlatt roughly grabbed her thighs hoisting her up and throwing her on his bed. Y/N let a giggle rip through her throat, as Schlatt was now hovering over her, his shirt already discarded. "Eager are we?" She teased, and Schlatt growled, "I could drink so much alcohol and be absolutely wasted, but somehow you make me so much more drunk." He said, and Y/N grinned, "Do it." She whispered, as Schlatt thought of just fucking her then and there. Schlatt groaned, and ripped her clothes, literally. "That was Fundy's shirt.." She groaned out, and Schlatt chuckled, "That's why I did that princess." He said, before flipping her over, "Ass up now." He said, giving it a harsh slap as he quickly took off the remaining clothes he had on.

"Mouth open, now." He said, and Y/N opened her mouth as he quickly shoved his fingers down her throat keeping them there as she gagged onto them. Chuckling, he teased her entrance with his tip, before he roughly thrusted into her, making her gurgle from a moan, choking a bit from his fingers. Using his other hand, he pushed her down into the mattress as he thrusted into her with no remorse. Once he saw tears streaming down her face, he pulled his fingers out of her mouth, letting her cough to catch her breath. "God you're so beautiful." He whispered to her, as he sped up his thrusts, not caring if she was now overly sensitive since she had cum on him seconds before pulling his fingers out. Y/N only let out a couple sounds, which were supposed to be words. She was too far gone to form sentences, "Awh, is my cock that good that you can't speak? Did my cock do this to you princess?" He teased, and Y/N barely heard him, making him realize how far gone she was. Wrapping his hand around her throat, he choked her smirking.

This only made him feel even more egotistical, as he did this to her. After a couple rough sloppy thrusts, he let his cum feel her up to the brim. Pulling out, he fell down beside her, catching his breath while Y/N was attempting to come back. Getting up, he walked over to his bathroom dampening a rag before coming back and cleaning her thighs, and wiping the sweat off of her body. Throwing the rag back into the bathroom, he laid beside her, pulling her body to his gently not to hurt her. Jack smirked, as he realized what happened when he saw a stumbling Y/N walking out of the house, wearing a pair of Schlatt's sweats and one of his shirts that reached her knee's basically. "Well I'll be damned, he killed your guts." Jack said, and Y/N picked up a rock chucking it at him, "Fuck you."