#if i remember any other drink opinions ill add them

[e-melanorhynchus]

Beverage. How do you Beverage? Tea? coffee? choccy? juice? what kind? woter? do you add anything? temperature? Provide Details on your Beverage Consumption methods.

Used to be Huge into drinks but over time i sort of petered out on that front. I'm a room temp water from the tap kinda guy. Love minerals.

However even if I don't do fancy drinks anymore here's my drink opinions

Lemonade ; I don't like a lot of store brand lemonades anymore [too sweet] But! I do like making lemonade at home sometimes during the summer, from lemons I Didn't steal from the neighbors tree I Didn't steal them inswear. I don't add a lot of sugar and sometimes I add pepper as well! It's nice and refreshing esp with some ice in it.

Sodas; After big parties [new years for example] once we have them we tend to have a lot of leftover mixers and syrups/purees for alcoholic drinks so I just toss some into club soda or ginger ale and call it a day as well. Very fun! Other than that I'm really not into them big time, do like root beer though sometimes. And ginger ale by itself!

Milk; when I get sick I make some milk with turmeric and a little bit of sugar and pepper, it helps keep me pretty warm and tastes really good! Helps with the sickness too but being nice to drink is a plus when every other aryuvedic remedy is bitter as hell lol. I do like hot chocolate and it's probably the only thing I order from cafes if I order at all

coffees; I don't drink em. I'm a wuss, they're too bitter and caffeine doesn't work on me in the slightest lol. I do like coffee flavor in cakes and sweets though! It's just the bitterness that gets to me

Tea; I like tea, both chai and more English style tea though I don't have the second as often as I'd like. I like licorice and lemon tea :] not much to say because I love chai with a packet of biscuits and the feeling of having one in the morning is unparamount I swear.

Juices; I don't drink juice a lot anymore but I like orange juice with the pulp and apple juice a lot. Lychee is also very nice but it's so sweet. Mango also, guava is a lot milder which I can appreciate though. Every once in a while when I go to India cash and carry I get this lychee drink with little soaked basil seeds that have expanded. Sorta like a chia drink but slightly to the left! I love the textures

Typically I don't add anything to my drinks and have them warm [if they're hot drinks] to room temp. If it's a summer day i throw in ice, but that's about it. I live simply and happily..

I consume drinks by drinking them through my mouth, by the way. thank you very much .

[perlukafarinn]

Usually when Claire works the closing shift at Rocky's, she and Dean will wind down with a couple of beers at the end of the night. It's a nice little ritual Claire looks forward to every time she comes around, though she'd never admit as much out loud.

Tonight, Dean has mixed up a batch of one of his specialty cocktails - The Queen of Moondoor. It's bright, a sort of red-orange color, and has a sweet and sour taste that makes Claire's jaw ache.

"Do you like it?" Dean asks, like Claire's opinion really matters.

She nods. "It's good."

She's not lying. Dean isn't really a cocktails kind of guy but he's put a lot of effort into every detail of Rocky's. From the various pride flags carefully hung behind the bar, to the salt painted into the windowsills, every inch of the place is meticulously planned out. Rocky's isn't officially a hunter's bar - though it is explicitly a gay bar - but it's become an unofficial gathering place of queer hunters across the continental US.

Even the cocktails on the menu are Dean's own invention. All of them have a backstory, some of which Claire isn't privy to. She knows enough to understand why the Queen of Moondoor is Dean's personal favorite, though.

It also packs a surprising punch. Two drinks in, and Claire already feels herself tilting from tipsy into full-on drunk. She slows down her pace.

"How long are you planning on sticking around now?" Dean asks, because free booze is never just free booze with him. There's always the interrogation. He's almost as much of a mom as Jody is.

"A few days," Claire answers vaguely. "Maybe longer, who knows. I don't have any hunts lined up right now and you pay pretty well."

She knows for a fact he pays her double what he does his other bartenders. Neither one of them ever mentions it, though.

"Weren't you heading back to Jody's?"

Claire shrugs, uncomfortable. She had been, before last night's call with Kaia. They're good most days, even with the strain of Claire being on the road half the time, but sometimes when they talk, they'll hit on a sore topic for one of them and things will get stilted.

The anniversary of Mom's death is coming up in a couple of weeks. Kaia wanted to join Claire for her visit to the cemetery.

"What's on your mind, Strawberry Shortcake?"

Claire is supposed to roll her eyes now. Tell Dean to fuck off and mind his own business.

She doesn't really want to do that. But she doesn't know how to explain to Dean what she's feeling, either.

"It's stupid," she says. "I'm being dramatic."

"You? Never."

Claire scoffs, and Dean's eyes soften.

"You can talk to me, you know."

"Yeah," Claire says, because she does. He gets her, weirdly enough. They get each other. It probably doesn't say great things about either of them. "I just... I feel like I'm making up problems."

Dean takes a sip of his drink. It's difficult to look dignified, drinking out of a straw, and he does not remotely manage it. "Let me be the judge of that."

"Kaia wants-" Claire stops herself, because that's not the point of it. "I - we're good. Me and Kaia. I don't feel ashamed about it."

Dean waits for her continue.

"I'm a lesbian," Claire adds, even though, duh.

"Congrats," Dean says, and it feels like it could be sarcastic but it's not. He means it.

"I don't think -" no, that's not right. "I know my parents wouldn't be okay with that."

The statement lands heavily between them. It feels bitter on Claire's tongue, an ugly truth held at bay for far too long. She feels awful saying it, like she's failing her parents. Speaking ill of the dead. But it's the truth.

Mom and Dad would make these... comments. And Claire remembers each one with perfect clarity, because she's known something was different about her for a very long time. She knew those comments were aimed at her, even if her parents didn't.

They were wonderful parents in every other aspect. Up until they abandoned her, that is. Claire still can't help but feel like she's failing them, sometimes, being who she is.

"They might have changed their minds," Dean offers. "If they'd known. It's different when it's your own kid."

Claire eyes him, curious. "Was it different for your parents?"

Something crosses over Dean's expression, too quickly for Claire to catch it.

"No," he admits after a beat. He runs his hand over his face. "Maybe - Mom might have been fine with it. She didn't know."

Claire swallows. "But your dad did. And it wasn't different."

She feels cruel, pushing the topic. But there's some perverse part of her that needs the confirmation. Dean reminds her of herself, in a lot of ways. He'd say it was the other way around. If he experienced the rejection that Claire feared as a kid, the one that still scares her even if it's purely theoretical now, then that proves something.

"It wasn't," Dean admits. "But Jimmy Novak was no John Winchester."

Claire's chest aches. There's some hollow triumph at the abstract confirmation of her worst fears. Mostly, she just feels like shit.

"For what it's worth," Dean adds, "I think you're perfect. No notes."

Embarrassingly, Claire's lower lip wobbles. She clears her throat, looking off to the side as she tries to regain her composure.

"You think you're my dad or something?" she asks, voice rough.

Dean shrugs, looking embarrassed himself. "I kind of think of you as my kid, yeah. If that's okay."

Claire crosses her arms, feeling warm and aching and off-kilter. "I - yeah. Yeah, that's fine."

[bear-remn]

Please add Azusa to the list! The way you write the other boys is perfect and your drawings are very pretty. Please keep up the good work and be sure to treat yourself kindly as well

omg yess! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

id love to add azusa, ill do him first when i make the series of the mukamis! i have so much toughts on him, and his desing is one of the pretties out of the mukamis... in my opinion

and ty so much for liking my art and my writing (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶) i try to make it fun and interesting for a change. so if you had any suggestion on what order would you guys like me to start writing them be free to comment me on this post! ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

and remember to drink a lot of water and eat well! take care and ty for the last part, i love the support on the waiting for the post and i dont get too anxious to make them. so ty you all for waiting and be so nice with it ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝)

pd: plis dont ask me for the tsukinamis or kino, i dont have them on mind just yet, in the future ill start considering making content for them (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

[hoghtastic]

I don't get the film at all (obviously, it's in Danish)

Why did Mikkel cry while cuddling on bed near the end?

I'm posting my answer bellow the cut, because it contains spoilers about the movie, and I will also be tagging asks like this one with "#spoilers", so everyone who hasn't watched the movie yet can avoid them. 😉

Now, getting to your ask, this movie depicts two people (three, if you count the guy Silvia goes out on a date with) who are dealing with mental illness and unresolved trauma. Silvia mentions ADD and she also has panic attacks, and sometimes self-harms to deal with her mental/emotional pain. She also mentions having an alcoholic father, which might have triggered/aggravated some of the problems she now deals with. But she does get medical help and mentions taking medication. As for Mikkel, we later learn that his mother committed suicide by hanging herself, using a belt she'd gifted him for Christmas, and he was the first person to find her. Despite this having been a traumatic event for him, he seems to have bottled up his emotions and deals with them by partying, drinking and smoking weed. He didn't seem to have sought medical help to deal with his trauma, nor does he like to talk about it, only having telling Silvia about his mother when they make up, after their first break up.

The first time they break up is because Mikkel blames himself for Silvia's panic attack while they're out to meet his friends. He thinks he's the one causing her harm, because he's not enough to make her feel good enough, happy enough, to not need medication.

In a more personal interpretation, while I think they truly love and care for each other, their own, personal traumas and the different ways they choose to deal with them often get in the way, making their relationship unhealthy for the both of them. The ways Mikkel chooses to "self medicate" and deal with his mother's death's trauma might remind Silvia of her father's drinking habits and the impact they had on her growing up, while some things about Silvia might remind Mikkel of his mother, making him remember such traumatic events all over again. For example, her choking kink. He was willing to try it and even seemed to be enjoying it, but then seeing her choking expression might have reminded him of his mother while ending her own life, and that's why he ran to the bathroom and puked. He was later shown cuddling in bed, visibly distressed, with Silvia trying to offer him some comfort. But I wonder if she realized the implications of what she'd just asked of him, or if she didn't give it much thought. Then, we see him picking her from her job at a leather shop. He's clearly uncomfortable near all of those belts, and asks to go home quickly, but she doesn't seem to understand his reasons. He later seems to detach from her a second time, resorting to his old habits of coping. And so does she, when faced with the reality of having lost him.

Personally, I liked this movie more than I thought I would. It was very raw, very real, in the way it portrayed two clearly damaged people, showing that, unfortunately, love isn't always enough, nor is it enough to cure us.

Also, I hope I understood everything correctly, as my Danish is somewhat limited! So if there's any mistake, please feel free to correct me! 😄 And of course, I'd love to read more opinions and thoughts on the movie! 💖

[karoochui]

Hello there Mika!! Your art is huge inspiration to me and I love it so much words can't explain it, I absolutely love your sketches, doodles, full art pieces, whatever you make I absolutely adore. Sorry for blabbing but just wanted to ask about things you really hate about sskk, like what the fandom does with the ship that you dislike?😭 Take care of yourself drink some water!💜💫

TW for sa mention!! Sorry but i ramble a bit here so im gonna add a cut!! (Plus the tw) Take care of yourself too and ill get some water right now actually😋

Okay firstly!! Hello!! Thank you so much!! And no worries no need to apologize its very sweet of you im so glad you like my art i really do appreciate it!! Thank you!

And its hard for me to say exactly? Im still very much into bsd but ive been distant with the fandom for a little while now BUT!! From what i remember what i usually didnt like was when people would make them so..two dimensional kinda?? BSD has pretty morally complicated characters and it was really weird when people would flatten sskk's personalities down to just some ship dynamic bc they are SOOO much more complicated than that. And thats just as INDIVIDUALS!! Even when considering them together theres a lot to think about when it comes down to their functionality, whether or not its viewed as romantic or platonic. And of course youre always gonna have those people who just water down any mlm ship into some weird dynamic that doesn't even fit the character's relationship which is just obviously Not Great.

And then as far as the characters individually i feel like a lot of people baby atsushi its really odd. Like that man has gone through some shit he is GROWNNN. I think its because hes the "softer" one out if the two or whatever. Which yeah he's nicer, its made clear akutagawa isn't a great person but atsushi isnt the exact opposite of akutagawa or the "softer" one. They're narrative foils of eachother, they mirror many of the other's character traits and atsushi has also done some Not Super Stellar shit. Do i think most of it was within reason? A little, considering what hes been through and exactly what he did. I do think he is the better person between the both of them - and i feel like thats also proven - but he is by NO means "innocent" or anything weird like that.

Then for akutagawa its really only that weird sa headcannon that originated from something he said in Beast (i can't remember exactly what, but i remember thinking it was NOT enough to warrant a hc like that. I remember that much). And as someone who's been through that a couple times i think its one thing if its some way to help someone cope or feel more seen (more specifically it isnt my business to cast judgement -unless it hurts them or someone else- and im no therapist), but i have seen people apply the headcannon simply because they say its "implied" or it "makes sense". Which, once again, as someone who's gone through that i think thats just. Weird. I dont like it. I personally try to stay away from any talk about it at all from anyone.

I also don't like when people make it seems like Atsushi has to save Akutagawa or something like hes some knight in shining moral armor. Its much more complicated than that and I could go further into this but it would be a whole rant about their characters and dynamic and itd go on FOREVER. So im just gonna say that akutagawa is also a grown man and knows well enough what hes doing with himself, even if its unhealthy (not that Atsushi is any better but lets be real no one is this show really is) and he wouldn't listen to atsushi if he didnt want to anyway. This part is really just personal opinion though, and i don't cast hard judgement on people who see them that way. Im not the type to care enough.

So yeah i guess it wasn't really hard to say at all LMFAO but otherwise i dont think ive had any other issues abt it?? I dont pay much attention to things i don't like anyway so im not easily bothered lol

But i hope this answered your question!! Plz lmk if i missed or misinterpreted something!! It was nice to talk about BSD again anyway though, ive missed it.

[anonbeadraws]

Randomroll for @witchy-queer, story for Jacint below!

✨i do commissions!| If you fancy tipping✨

Jacint was a people person. Minotaur. It couldn’t be helped, he was raised in a tavern, owned by his loving but ever presently busy parents, what else could he grow to love? Well, besides ale, i suppose. The tavern was filled everyday with new patrons and old, goblins and giants and orcs, that called the sprawling and odd shaped tavern their Local in the deep Verredain mountains. The tavern was warm, filled with food and flowed with drink and such things only lead to happy customers who will happily regale a tale or two of their own travels to the excitable little calf Jacint. They would sit him on their table or comfortably their lap (or on the floor if the story teller happened to be smaller than the growing boy), and tell him anything and everything. 

Jacint would tell you he had the perfect childhood. Jacint had no preference, he loved hearing the grumblings of the local miners about iron deposits and how ‘steel isn’t worth the anvil it’s made on these days’, just as much as the rip roaring adventures from the former rogue who’d made their retirement in the clean mountain air. As long as it was about ��elsewhere’, Jacint wanted to know. He’d only really known the comfort of his tavern home, his parents being too busy running the place to take him elsewhere or really spend any quality time with the little one.  The patrons had some idea of their conundrum and seemed to all have agreed, without really discussing it, that the boy would not struggle for company or care while the taverns doors were open. There was rarely a time when the boy was not learning to play cards or discovering how dwarves could communicate by colour choices in their jewellery or very quietly, and out of view of the bar, learning from the rogue how to properly charm and pick a pocket. (Jacint didn’t do very well at this last one, he always felt too bad and rushed to return the item, his big earnest amber eyes smoothing over any complaints. The rogue decided to teach him to forge signatures instead.)  But as much care as his parents and their patrons could give him, Jacint grew up not knowing what he wanted to do, his life at 17 was at a loose end. He had learned pieces of trades but non grabbed him and he had no interest as a publican, besides helping as waiting staff and the odd bar work at rush hour. He had seen his parents life for himself, no time for themselves, no life outside of their tavern, no time to learn anything else or to want anything else. Yes, that was one thing Jacint knew, that he wanted to want to learn more, to lose that need would hurt his heart more than anything.  So his parents turned to the knowledge of their patrons, asking each new and old face to add their opinions as what should be done of the Tavern’s collective son. The eventual decision, after many heartfelt pleas and compassionate arguments against such an act, was that Jacint should be sent to the closest monastary. It’s far away, yes, but you will learn so many useful things there! and so many more books than we could provide, said his parents, trying their best to look hopeful as they helped load a cart of his few belongings. Perhaps, you will find the path you were looking for, added one of the patrons, a great scarred orc who was trying not to sniffle into their ale And consider, interrupted the rogue who perhaps knew the forlorn Jacint’s heart best ; all the new stories you’ll hear as you go. It was the last that helped Jacint, sat on the back of a mining cart that would take him part of the way there, waving goodbye to the only family and home he had known. That there was more, elsewhere.   The monastery was a small crumbling place, dug into a valley, and very different from the warm tavern. But there were books, as promised and new people, even if they were only interested in training and Ki and keeping themselves warm in the draft halls. But Jacint was a warm person and did his best to make friends with his fellow students, even if his rather larger form was a little clumsier than them in training. What he looked forward to most was the outings though.  Despite the monastery being quite isolated from the world, the Monks put it upon themselves to visit the surrounding villages, dispensing wisdom, medicine and sometimes the odd chore. It was their duty to keep the people around them safe and secure and Jacint was always the first to volunteer. Despite his size initially being, perhaps a little surprising to the halfing villages nearby, he quickly became quite popular amongst the people. He was kind, eager to help and to learn their ways and even happier to lend an ear as he worked. For some people, his help was physical, heaving logs or just keeping the children out from underfoot for an hour or so. (No one made a finer pony than Jacint, the children all agreed.) And for others it was his kindly nature and open heart that helped. Making a pot of tea and listening to the story of a life well lived or a heart broken or a loved one lost. He even helped the less popular of the people, the drunkards (a state he knew well and knew well how to help) and the pick pockets and the cruel, as it was his duty to do.One such being was Agata Flainfoot, an old bedridden widow who had driven all that wanted to help away, and now was only visited by the Minotaur. She had spat and sniped and said words that Jacint had only heard muffled under hands as a child as he cleaned and gently wiped her face and heated casseroles sent with him by kind neighbours. She had done so for months and he had stuck it through. It was his duty, even if it was hard, he reminded himself as he tended to the scratches she had left on his arm on his last visit. Even if other people repaid his kindness with food or flowers or a simple kind word. It was his duty and his promise.  He would still try to make conversation as he worked, talk about the day or question where an item on her mantle came from. Mostly there would be sniping, sometimes silence but as time went by, she would reply. More often than not to tell him to be careful with her things and when he once replied that; he would be careful, he was not a bull in a china shop it surprised him to hear her laugh. He would not hear it again from her, in the months he knew her, but it was something he held in his heart. The rusty ill used laugh from a sad, lonely woman. So, when she passed, he was not fully surprised when he got a letter sent from what remained of her family. What surprised him was that she had left him something. As he opened the sealed envelope, he had remembered some of her belongings being different from the rest of the village, as if they were foreign, though she had never answered his questions on the matter. She had never told him and now, never would. But she had left him something.   Inside the enveloped was a map, hand drawn and severely noted, of a forest, beautiful and vast with great stone pillars, lain in broken patterns. Scrawled on it, with fresh ink was; Go find them It was possibly, the last scrawling of a crazed and lonely person, a joke from someone who had enjoyed cruelty. Possibly. But researching possible places for this forest gave very few answers but there was enough there to make Jacint believe that there could be something in it. Something real. Go find them. Them. Them. ‘ Them’ was a tempting word. ‘It’ was a fine word and would probably convince others far better but ‘Them’ meant people, and people meant stories and perhaps Agata had listened to his heart more than he had known. Jacint had gone to his elders and shown them his discovery, told them this story but they had turned it down, as they had duties and of course, Jacint had acquiesced. Duties would always come first. So of course, when asked to deliver a document to a sister monastery across the country, being one of the strongest and most reliable of them, Jacint had eagerly agreed. It was his duty, of course he would. And the old map, well, if it happened to have been in his bag as he was packing, that was no-ones fault and if nothing else, the country was big and there were plenty of stories to hear on the way.  

[gh0st-patr0l]

ADHD in DSMP

So about a week back, I made a post about Karl Jacobs (a bit of a passive aggressive one, I’ll admit, but I think it was justified), complaining that a lot of the ‘criticism’ I see about Karl is actually rather insensitive towards his ADHD. I got a lot of responses to that post, and the most common sources of confusion I saw were:

People not understanding what I was saying they should avoid being judgmental of, or-

People who didn’t know that Karl had ADHD or didn’t understand which behaviors were caused by it.

First of all, Karl has confirmed that he has ADHD.

(NOTE: Yes, I know he said ADD. ADD and ADHD used to be categorized as separate disorders, but in the most recent edition of the DSM, it was decided that they are both simply subtypes of the same disorder- ADHD is the correct technical term. ADD is still sometimes used as shorthand by some practitioners to diagnose primarily-inattentive ADHD, but it's a bit outdated.)

Secondly, that original post made me realize that a lot of people who may be well-meaning may genuinely not fully understand ADHD and its symptoms as well as they want to or think they might. If you aren’t aware, Karl isn’t the only one in the DSMP with ADHD- to my understanding, both Technoblade and Dream have confirmed that they have it as well. So, I thought it would be helpful to put together a comprehensive crash-course on ADHD symptoms and how they effect people’s behavior!

Now, before we go further, I want to address something- as I said earlier, I saw some people unsure of whether certain behaviors are ADHD or “just his personality”. I feel the need to point this out above the read more so people will see it. To answer this question, as someone with ADHD;

A lot of times, it’s both. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning that it’s caused by the way your brain developed from birth. A lot of the symptoms and effects of ADHD are extremely influential towards the way we think, act, and behave, to the point where “symptoms” and “normal behavior” really don’t have a clean differentiation. This is why it’s technically classified as a ‘disorder’, instead of an illness. While certain aspects of it can require treatment, the condition itself as a whole is not something to be mitigated or eliminated- it’s a part of who we are as a person. This is also why sometimes, even if you don’t have ADHD, you’ll look at certain specific behaviors or experiences and go “Oh, but I do that too!”. A lot of ADHD ‘symptoms’ are just a bunch of normal traits or behaviors, but in combination with each other and some actually problematic aspects, form the appearance of the disorder.

So, what are you allowed to nitpick about it? Well, there’s no real ‘authority’ on this, and even if there was it certainly wouldn’t be me. But if you want my opinion? Nothing.

See, here’s the thing- what I was trying to say when I made that post was not that you can’t be critical of Karl. If you want to say something about his Actions, his Ideals, or the content he creates- sure, go for it, that’s fair. I will agree that there are some very valid and constructive points to be made. But when you post ‘criticism’ about the way he speaks, his interests or preoccupations, his personal behaviors? That’s not criticism. That’s just judging someone.

And you’re allowed to think that stuff! Nobody can control what annoys or bothers them. It doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. But you don’t need to be vocal about it. You can keep your mean thoughts to yourself. And if you do make posts or communities or whatever about judging someone for things they can’t change about themselves, don’t call it “criticism” or try to morally justify it. It’s not productive or righteous, it’s just rude. Nothing else.

Anyway. Back to Education!

The following will be a descriptive list of visible ADHD behaviors, using Karl’s behavior as examples.

I feel the need to add a disclaimer here- I am not a mental health professional. However! I have ADHD myself, I have taken some psychology courses and done a Lot of research into this stuff, and I’m the daughter of a therapist with access to a DSM. While I’m not an expert, I’d like to think I’m fairly well versed and knowledgeable on at least ADHD. (That being said, if by chance anyone who Is a professional sees this post and notices mistakes, by all means let me know and I’ll fix it!!)

WHAT IS ADHD?

You’re here for the behaviors more than the science, so I’ll keep this short and sweet. ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Known in the past as Attention Deficit Disorder). Despite its name, the root problem of ADHD is not in the person’s ability to pay attention, but their brain’s capability to manage itself. In simple terms, people with ADHD have a lot less control over what their brain does and wants. This results in some behavioral differences along with some personal challenges, namely a difficulty with attentiveness and self-discipline.

Now, onto the symptoms!

ATTENTION

This is perhaps the most visible and pervasive of the ADHD symptoms, hence why it’s the namesake. Inattention is a lack of focus and an inability to stay present and occupied with certain tasks or thoughts.

Because ADHD impairs self-management of the brain, people with it have an extremely hard time directing themselves anywhere but where their brain instinctively wants to go. This results in inattentiveness and the easiness of distraction that is often mocked or stereotyped for people with ADHD.

Here are some examples of how Karl can sometimes display his inattentiveness;

When he has an idea that he seems passionate about, only to drop it or switch to something totally different without warning soon after (either forgetting or getting bored of his original idea).

When he sets out to do something like a build, works on it for a short amount of time, and then immediately gives up or gets someone else to do it.

When someone else is talking and he totally zones out. (NOTE: While I wont make a whole section for it because it’s not easily observable, maladaptive (constant and intrusive) daydreaming is a common ADHD symptom as well!)

It’s important to remember that the whole problem with ADHD is that we can’t control when or what we focus on. When someone with ADHD zones out during a conversation or activity, it doesn’t mean they’re doing it on purpose, and they likely don’t mean any offense! We often are trying our best to listen or participate, but our brain just wont cooperate.

However, inattention is not the only way ADHD effects our focus. There’s also what’s called hyperfocus or hyperfixation, which is when we are so absorbed into a single subject, task, or idea that it is extremely difficult to get us to think about or do anything else. This is usually because our brains have found something that is getting those satisfaction chemicals flowing, and it’s clinging to that with everything it’s got.

People with ADHD will often experience brief periods of hyperfocus. Think of how Karl talks about spending hours straight working on a build or project without eating or drinking, or how he’ll sit down to play a game with someone and end up going six hours without even noticing.

There are also hyperfixations, where someone with ADHD becomes extremely preoccupied with a certain subject, topic, etc. for a period of time. These can be short term- personally, my hyperfixation can sometimes change as quickly as a couple weeks at a time. However, it can also be long term. Karl has been obsessed with Survivor since the second grade- not to mention his memorabilia, rambling, and constant references to Kingdom Hearts.

HYPERACTIVITY/STIMMING

This is a BIG one for Karl. I should clarify; ‘stimming’ is not a technical term, and in professional situations these behaviors are just referred to as Hyperactivity. However, I personally like the term stimming much more and find it far more accurate to what the behaviors actually are, so I’ll be using that instead for this post.

If you’re not already familiar, ‘stimming’ (derived from ‘stimulation’) is an unofficial term used to describe consistent and abnormal patterns of physical and vocal behavior typically expressed by people with ADHD and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). This includes things that people usually call fidgets or tics.

(NOTE: There are differences in how people with those two disorders stim. This post will explain stimming specifically from an ADHD perspective! ASD stimming is caused by very different factors and presents itself in much different ways. Do your own research if you’re curious!) 

There are two major observable forms of stimming- physical and vocal. Karl expresses both VERY often! I’ll use examples for each type;

Physical Stims: Flapping his hands/arms, jumping up and down when he’s excited, twisting around into odd positions in his chair, throwing, hitting, or tapping things, standing up and pacing around when he’s hyped up or laughing, twisting his rings, etc.

Vocal Stims: When he gets excited and repeats a certain phrase incessantly (Think any variation of “I’m popping off”), making certain repetitive noises while he’s focused on something or bored (”la la la”, the meow-noises, the weird heart-beat noise, etc.), singing or humming, tongue clicking.

It should be noted here that it’s pretty common for people with ADHD to get “stuck” on certain phrases or noises, and be unable to stop repeating them (reminiscent of echolalia, a symptom of ASD, but not the same thing). Think of how Karl might sometimes keep making a weird noise for an extended period of time even though it’s not that funny, or that one time he was physically struggling to keep himself from singing the Bakugan theme. These repetitions are completely impulsive and trust me, we usually know how annoying it is while we’re doing it, but we physically cannot stop.

ADHD stims are caused by the fact that the barrier between our brain and body is much weaker than a normal person’s. Because of this, most ADHD stims are actually very positive expressions of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm! Y’know how when you get excited, you feel like you wanna jump or dance? The ‘hyperactivity’ of ADHD is basically just that, but we don’t have the self-control to Not do it.

Stims can be caused by negative feelings like overstimulation, but in ADHD this is not nearly as common. Usually, the most negative reason we’ll stim is when we’re bored- in that case, our brain isn’t getting the Constant Stimulation that it naturally wants, so stimming is a way to make our own.

Whatever the cause, stimming is natural and impulsive. While different people experience it to varying degrees, those who regularly stim typically have little to no control over it. Suppressing stims is very hard and very frustrating to do.

Besides that, like I said- ADHD stims are often an expression of joy, excitement, or enthusiasm. They’re a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be seen as shameful or annoying!

BEHAVIORAL DIFFICULTIES

ADHD is a disorder which causes a lack of self-control. Naturally, this means that people with ADHD are inherently reckless, impulsive, and struggle with a lack of self-discipline that they cannot fix.

Of course, people with ADHD do still have some level of self-control, and they are still responsible for conscious, long-term behavioral patterns and decisions. However, in regards to most things, they are much, much less capable of controlling themselves than an average neurotypical person is.

These are some examples of how this will often present itself in Karl;

Excessive rambling, dragging on a joke or conversation when it could and should probably have been dropped, etc.

Speaking over or interrupting other people (NOTE: As someone with ADHD- THIS IS ALMOST ALWAYS UNINTENTIONAL. I know it can seem rude or annoying but I promise, 90% of the time if someone with ADHD talks over you, they either didn’t realize or physically couldn’t help it. Please try to be patient!)

Lack of awareness towards social cues (NOTE: Unlike ASD, in which the person is incapable of/has problems fully understanding social cues, ADHD results in a lack of awareness. For whatever reason, we’re often just not paying close enough attention to pick up on things like body language, tone of speech, and facial expression as well as we would normally.)

Indecisiveness and overthinking

Bluntness, lack of subtlety

Unintentional dismissiveness, accidentally ignoring things/people (NOTE: Again, this behavior is purely accidental. In this case, it’s usually just the person genuinely not hearing or processing things.)

Making noises, speaking, joking, etc. at inappropriate times

There’s probably more, but I think you get the idea by now. A lot of the time, behavior which results from ADHD can be seen as rude, lazy, dismissive, or otherwise intentionally harmful. In reality, we just aren’t wired to navigate common social interaction with grace.

In Karl’s case, he’s clearly an incredibly sweet, empathetic, and kind-hearted person, if the various close friends who have talked about him are to be believed. Just because he talks over people or makes a poorly timed joke, that doesn’t mean he meant any harm. 

I think that’s about it for how much I wanted to point out! You can do more research if you’re curious, but I feel like this post should be enough to tell you what to keep in mind and be understanding about when talking about/making judgements on Karl, and other people with ADHD.

[blueknightdg]

Consideration and Generosity

----------------

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug and Chat Noire, DCU

Characters: Marinette, Damian

----------

She sat on a park bench that day; the weather was hot yet, cloudy.

Despite the uncomfortable sweat clinging to her being and the buzzing noise of her surroundings, she smiled happily. She would do anything for inspiration, even endure the blistering feeling of the sun.

Soon enough it has been hours since she began to sketch and draw designs for clothing she wishes to make true.

She feels her head is off, so she takes a break to answer a text from her mother.

----------

(Mom) Marinette, are you still at the park? It's been five hours.

(Me) Yep! Just taking a break.

(Mom) Just now? It's really hot outside, have you eaten? What about water?

(Me) Don't worry! I'm fine! I stayed in the shade the whole time.

(Mom) Okay, but I want a picture of you eating.

(Me) Okay, I will. I love you!

(Mom) I love you too.

----------------------

Marinette, packs her sketch books and other materials a way in her bag. She stands up, only to tip over onto someone walking past her.

"Hey, you-"

The person stops to keep her from falling all the way down.

"Uh... I'm sorry, I guess I should have taken a break earlier."

She tries to break a way from the strangers grip. They let her go easily. They began to walk a little further a way with a eye in her direction. She sits down again to collect herself. She takes a few breaths and thinks about how to get up without falling and embarrassing herself.

"I wish I packed a water bottle or something, I knew it was hot but I thought I would be fine....", she thought to herself.

She checked her bag in case she just forgot. Lo and behold there was a water bottle in one of the outside pockets.

"Huh....? That's strange, I was sure I......oh well.", she shrugged it off as her forgetting.

Feeling a little better, she carefully stood up. Having not fallen, she smiled and picked up her full bag. She walks in the direction of a small restaurant to eat, since she wouldn't make it home before hunger got to her.

She walked like she wasn't being followed. Casual and slow, she took in the buildings a round her. The same as her memories told her, but still just as beautiful.

Once she got to an empty table, she sat her bag down in front of her. The waitress walks up to her with a smile.

"Hello! Here is the menu, please take your time. Though I do suggest today's special! Mushroom soup with broccoli, carrots, and rice."

"Thank you."

"No problem!"

The waitress leaves her be and she focuses on the menu. It seems that this restaurant is all about healthy living.

She hums to herself as she thinks of her order. However, everything sounded wonderful and she couldn't decide. Then she heard a waitress bring someone's order of a tofu and veggie stuffed bell peppers with a side salad. So she looked over to see the meal and found that it looked delicious. She also saw they ordered tomato juice.

Looking at the menu one more time, she located the meal, drink and picked out a dessert on her own.

As soon as she put her menu down, the waitress came up to her with her pen and notepad out.

"Ready to order?"

"Yes, I would like the Tofu and Veggie stuffed Bell peppers with a side salad, tomato juice, and the vanilla, soy bean ice cream."

"Would you like a topping?"

"Yes, let's see....oh! The coconut sprinkles and strawberry drizzle."

"To repeat: Tofu, veggie stuff bell peppers, side salad, tomato juice, vanilla soy bean ice cream with coconut sprinkles and strawberry drizzle?"

"Yes."

"Okay, we will right on it!"

Marinette took out her phone as she waited. She texted her mom, that she was at a restaurant nearby. Her mom reminded her to send a picture of her eating.

A few minutes later and her food was brought to her.

"Thank you so much!"

"It's no problem, dear, tell me if you need anything!"

The waitress leaves to let her eat. She sends a picture of her food to her mom, who responded with the words 'smile and heart'.

--------

Change perspective

--------

His day was normal. He woke up and dealt with the hooligans that plagued his life. He was currently in Paris as a part of a stake out group. His family dispersed during day to do individual actives. His father wanted him near by, but he argued that he didn't need to be monitored.

His father conceded by saying he must practice being considerate of other people and to update him on how it is going and if he needs help. He was more than reluctant to agree. Regardless, he did.

He didn't like the loose nature of his apparel for the day, but had no chouce due to the heat.

Though by no means is his clothing loose in comparison to others definition. He prefers to be dignified at all times.

Most of the day, he had nothing report to his father that was particularly considerate until he notice the ragged look of a girl a round his age. She looked dehydrated and ill. He scoffs at her lack of self preservation until he notice she was immersed in some kind of sketching. He also remembered his has to be 'considerate' today so he will say she was lost to passion. After all, this is Paris, the city known for passion.

He watches her as she unconsciously squints and makes a grim expression at times. She sways ever so slightly.

In his observations, she stopped her work to look at her phone. Her condition is not well. He walks a little closer with a water bottle he bought. The moment he walked next to her and she stood, he stabilized her and slipped the water bottle in her bag as she spoke, trying to clear her head. She was drenched in sweat.

"Father better be grateful, I am being more than generous with being 'considerate', disgusting.", he thought with distain.

He hurried a way from her only to stop a short distance a way to watch her more and to sanitize his hands; to rid himself of the horrid feeling of her sweat.

The girl swayed less than before, but after updating his father of what happened, he was ordered to tail her. What if she collapsed? His efforts would have been in vain if that was so.

He was slightly frustrated and her slow pace did nothing to help. He only felt a bit better at her choice of eatery. He saw that she was heading for a Healthy Living Restaurant and went a head of her to sit down. He typed to his father that the girl was trying to decide what to eat. He was instructed to do what he thought best if he were to interfere at all. So he picked the most sensible option for her condition, in return, she followed and added something to her order.

He ate quietly and finished before her. He then left a large tip; the service was quick, the food palatable, atmosphere was pleasant and he doubted the girl had much on her. Enough to pay perhaps, but she would then be left with nothing else.

She seemed to be middle class, and the middle class does not make much little wealth, to him at least. Sure, her clothing was quite good with quality, but her manners weren't all that remarkable and nothing else about her was either.

Polite, is what she was. Quiet, unnoticeable, and polite.

To him, she was a foolish girl that dreamed too much and did little for her own well-being. Truly the epitome of moronic whelps.

After he left the restaurant, he watched from a distance. Through the window, he saw her tempt to pay, only to be denied. He smirked, perhaps he should visit this particular restaurant again and maybe even invest a bit?

He felt his phone buzz, his father typed, wanting to be updating on the status of the girl. It became apparent that some of the hooligans are now aware of his sudden punish- mission. Yes, this is a mission.

Protecting such weak plebeians is the duty of his father and him, also the unsightly hooligans- not well in his opinion- but he shall add them this once.

"Father is surely proud of how 'considerate' and 'generous' I am.", he believes, "Excessively so."

------

The day ends with Marinette safely returning home and the still mysterious young man facing his mismatched family.

The young man remained considerate as he ignored the jeers of the hooligans until he realized, he didn't have to any more and retorted as though his words came from the high heavens.

---------

The next time he checked in on the young lady, he had some knowledge of her background he shouldn't and decided to continue to see to it that she is well taken care.

"It's called being an arrogant, egotistical xsshxle with a God complex. She doesn't need your 'consideration', she is not a charity case!"

One loud problem claimed as he tuned him out.

---------

The young man did visit the restaurant once more and she was there. She would visit often and order the same thing as he had the first time. There were times she ordered something else and he would try things she experimented with, minus the meat.

She ordered meat less and less the more she came to the restaurant, he noticed. He had no clue why, since she obviously had no problem eating it.

He didn't order sweets as often as she did, but he would on occasion, get something with a little bit of sweetness to it; like the dried fruit sandwich with any type of sauce it can come with. The sandwich had fresh, and air dried fruit. There would be other ingredients and such to change the flavor of the sandwich, making it a popular item on the menu.

------

Change Perspective

--------

She felt like she has seen the same guy a lot over the past two months and is slightly worried. After some thought to it and the more she believed she was over thinking it and that it was pure coincidence. She did know, however, he had good taste in food and art. Plus that animals are so cute!! He couldn't be all bad if animals liked him.

She would walk a little closer and sometimes walk a little farther from him and since he never moved, she felt better. It really was a coincidence to her knowledge.

Eventually, she would would stop seeing him. He was a tourist, so of course he would leave at some point. Still, she was a little sad.

Oh well, school is starting soon, maybe she'll make friends to fill the loneliness her pretend friend left her.

She liked to pretend this stranger was her friends and that they hung out, since she saw him in most places that she was. She saw him at the restaurant and sometimes the park and rarely he would be at the museum. Technically he wasn't everywhere and not as frequent as she made it seem like he was, but if was often enough to remember him.

"You should have talked to him, get his number."

"But then he might have thought I was hitting on him! I just wanted a friend..."

"Sweetie, look on bright side! Either you can cherish memories that made you happy or you can forget him and move on. You don't know what life has in-store for you, it could be fun!"

"Thank you, mom. You too dad, I will see what happens."

"On that note, want help me frost some cakes?"

"Yes!!!"

-----

The end.

[voiceless-terror]

I’m bad at prompts so I have an aesthetic vibe for a fic: dusty library, silver glasses, warm blanket, hot tea, cold voices.

Jon wants to get Martin’s attention. Daisy and Melanie have an unusual plan.

“I think he’s made it quite clear that he doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“I need...I need to make sure he’s okay. Daisy’s already tried and well, you-”

“Absolutely not.”

“Exactly.”

Jon sighed. He needed to trust Martin, he knew this. But how could he, when he faded more and more each day? When Jon couldn’t reach him, couldn’t know he was safe? He needed to touch him, make sure he was still solid, still there. That Jon still cared. And if Jon could just break through-

“He won’t let me talk to him. And I don’t know what to do.” The words came out more plaintively than he would’ve liked. Melanie gave him an unimpressed look, Daisy leaned back on the couch. He didn’t know why he’d suddenly decided to confess his feelings to these two, perhaps it was the leftover alcohol in his system from their afternoon drink. Basira was off on another lead and Daisy needed the distraction. They all did. And now they were back at the office, bored and lethargic, Jon dodging the paper balls Melanie lazily tossed his way.

“You’ve got to do something,” Daisy drawled, idly picking at her nails. “To get his attention. You’ve got to make him come to you.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” Jon groaned in frustration. “If I did, I would’ve done it already.”

“Wait.” Melanie sat up straighter, a wicked gleam in her eyes. “I know exactly what to do.” Daisy and Jon shared a glance as she broke into a smirk. 

“And Martin won’t be able to resist you.”

____________

“Is this really necessary?” Jon asked, flinching back as Melanie applied the pink-coated brush to his cheek. “It seems a bit excessive.”

“Stop moving. And yes, if you want to look the part.” Melanie wielded the makeup brush like a weapon as Daisy followed with a critical eye. “Does he look pathetic enough?”

“Hmm.” Daisy leaned forward, uncomfortably close to Jon’s face. “I think he needs a bit more. Just a pinch.”

“Agreed.”

“This is ridiculous,” Jon snarked, leaning away from Melanie’s hands. “I don’t know why I agreed to this. It’s not going to work.”

“You agreed to this because you know it’s going to work,” Melanie insisted, dipping the brush in the compact. “Trust me, Martin won’t be able to resist doting on you if you look properly ill. When I came here the second time ‘round, he hovered outside the door the entire time. “Do you need anything, Jon? Can I get you some tea? Are you feeling alright?”

“That’s not what he sounds like-”

“That’s exactly what he sounds like,” Daisy smirked, settling back into the couch. “If you don’t like the makeup, we can always go with option two-”

“I am not letting Melanie punch me, thank you very much.” She still harbored a lot of residual (and rightful, in his opinion) anger from the surgery incident, and he wasn’t willing to be the outlet for it. “How do we know he’ll even see me?”

“He goes down to the library every Wednesday, sneaks in and out real quiet-like,” Daisy repeated for the third time. “Trust me, I know his patterns.” There was still some Hunt in her yet, no matter how much she starved it. Listen to the quiet. He didn’t say it aloud, but from the look in Daisy’s eyes he didn’t need to. “We’ll set you up there. Don’t worry, he won’t be able to miss you.”

“Whatever you say,” he grumbled, batting away Melanie’s hand. “Are you done yet?” She evaluated him with a scowl.

“That should do it.” She shut the compact with a definitive snap. “I was going to add a bit of purple eyeshadow under the eyes, but that might be overdoing it. You already look like a zombie.”

Daisy nodded appreciatively. “Powder did the job. God, Melanie. You’re a pro.”

“Thank you,” she preened as Jon rolled his eyes. “Now, for the finishing touch!” She leaned forward, yanking the scrunchie out of his hair and ignoring his yelp with an air of satisfaction. “Perfect!”

“I fail to see why that was necessary!” His head ached from the sudden pull on his hair, which was now falling down his shoulders in a tangled, ruffled mess. God, I must look insane. He lifted a hand to put it in some semblance of order when Melanie grabbed at it, stopping him in his tracks.

“No, you’ll ruin it!” she snapped. “Martin likes it when it’s down.”

“How do you know that?”

“God, he really is oblivious,” Daisy said with a disbelieving chuckle. “I may have only visited a few times, but even I saw the way he stared at you whenever you so much as touched your hair. It was sickening to watch.”

“C’mon, we’ve got to get you settled. We have to time this perfectly.” Melanie gestured impatiently for him to get up. “Daisy’ll take you up. I’ve got to grab something.” Jon didn’t trust her but in all honesty, what did he have to lose? The things we get up to when Basira’s gone...though I suppose this is significantly better than the Coffin Incident. 

Daisy took his arm, leaning on him for a bit of support as they made their way up to the library. To anyone else it would look the opposite, that he was the one relying on her- Daisy was good at hiding her weakness. “There’s a couch by the front desk,” she murmured as they rounded the corner. “It’ll be right in his line of vision.”

“What if he isn’t paying attention?” Jon worried, watching as the other staff studiously avoided their gaze, side-stepping them in the hallway. The Archives were truly toxic, and no one wanted to anger the heavily-scarred, scowling Archivist and his rabid ex-cop friend. For the first time in his life, Jon was intimidating. He didn’t like it.

“He always pays attention to you,” Daisy insisted. “He just doesn’t want you to see it.” The words put a lump in his throat. He wondered if they were true. He opened his mouth to reply when Melanie scurried up behind them, her arms full of-

“No.”

“Yes.” Melanie pushed into him, impatiently urging them forward. “Trust me, it’ll work.”

“I am not-” He was cut off by a surprisingly strong push from Daisy, landing him on the couch with an ‘oof.’ Melanie threw the offending object around his shoulders- a fluffy pink blanket Jon recognized from its place on Basira’s cot. He tried to worm his way out of it but Melanie gave him a sharp slap on the arm, ignoring his hiss of pain. He looked around, wildly embarrassed by the entire situation to find that the room was strangely empty, which was surprising for the time of day. I suppose everyone’s trying to avoid us these days.

Daisy froze, her eyes narrowing and posture straightening. “He’s coming.”

Melanie swore, running around the corner and coming back with an old, heavy tome she'd snatched off the nearest shelf. She grinned, an almost manic thing that Jon instinctively leaned back from. “The final touch,” she said proudly, not waiting for his answer as she opened the book with a flourish, flipping the pages in front of his face like a fan. He flinched back, utterly confused.

“Melanie, what on earth are you-”

_______

Martin heard him before he saw him.

The scurrying of feet across the hardwood was strange enough, but Jonathan Sims sitting on the library’s best couch, sneezing into a fluffy blanket and looking bleary-eyed and very exhausted was even stranger. Well, not the exhausted part. That was Jon’s normal state of being. 

But there he sat, wrapped in Basira’s fluffy pink blanket with a flushed face, messy hair, and an ashen pallor that could only come from sickness. Martin had seen it before, back when he lived in Document Storage and Jon was working himself into the ground, much like he was doing nowadays. He felt that pang of worry that accompanied those long nights in the Archives, something he was trying desperately to tamp down.

Working for Peter was infuriating and isolating, just as it was supposed to be. He was constantly reminding himself that it was for the greater good, that he was doing something important, protecting his friends. Protecting Jon. But how could he protect him when he kept finding Martin, even though he promised to trust him? How could he protect him when he kept throwing himself headlong into any danger he could find? How could he protect him, when his biggest enemy was himself?

Another sneeze. Jon looked almost confused by it, maybe even offended that it happened. It made him want to smile, an urge he fought down as he tried to remember Peter’s promise to keep them safe if he kept his distance. He hazarded one last glance, sure that he wasn’t in Jon’s line of sight that he noticed one last detail- Jon’s sweater. Incredibly baggy, worn, light blue knit- a color he’d never seen on him before.

Martin’s sweater. And with that, he found himself walking over to Jon almost involuntarily, steps loud and purposeful as they startled Jon from his perch on the couch. And when Jon noticed him he smiled, so bright and happy and obviously extremely out of it if he was having this reaction to Martin. His face really did look flushed up close- he must have a fever, especially if he wandered up here in this state. Martin successfully resisted the urge to feel his forehead. 

“M-Martin!” God, how could he not talk to Jon, when he said his name with such happiness? He fought to keep his voice level and cool as he responded.

“Jon. What are you doing up here?” Jon’s smile dimmed slightly, and Martin tried not to feel guilty. He did not succeed.

“I, um-” Jon stuttered, his usual sign of nervousness as he ran a hand through his hair. His hair, that was mused and tangled and falling in his face. Fuck. “I w-was reading.” He struggled to pick up a particularly heavy-looking book from where it sat on the couch next to him, its title obscured from Martin’s view. “It was getting, er, a bit stuffy down in the Archives.”

A red flag if Martin ever saw one. They rarely left the Archives these days, unless it was for a quick lunch and even then, Jon had to be dragged out bodily. He sighed, trying not to meet Jon’s pleading eyes. And still, he couldn’t help but ask. “Are you...okay?”

Jon looked down to his lap, the blanket half slipping off his shoulders as he fidgeted with his hands. Martin looked pointedly away. “Not feeling very well,” Jon murmured to the ground, looking strangely nervous, maybe even guilty. That didn’t make sense. He must be really ill, if he’s actually admitting to it. Martin hesitated, fighting between what he should do and what he really, really wanted to do. The cold evaporated just a little and Martin had never felt so seen. 

He missed that.

And so, less reluctantly than he would have liked, he extended a hand down to Jon, who looked at it in shock. “C’mon. Let’s get you back downstairs, I’ll make tea.” Make tea. His solution for everything, he remembered Tim deriding. But Jon looked at him like he’d offered much, much more than that. Maybe he had. The hope in his eyes was too much to bear. So when Jon put a thin, scarred hand in his, he looked away, even as he helped him to his feet.

To his disdain and delight, Jon immediately leaned into his side, as if trying to leech warmth that Martin couldn’t provide. In fact it was now Jon who was the warmer of the two- the Eye would not accept the chill of the Lonely, and the fever probably didn’t help. He was like a touch-starved cat looking for a crumb of affection, and god did he want to give it to him. If it were the Martin of a year ago he would have blushed, stammered, maybe even squeezed him back. Now he can only offer him the shoulder, nothing more.

Jon didn’t say anything more than a muttered thanks as they made their way down to the Archives, as if he were afraid of spooking him. More than one staff member they saw stared; Martin had been AWOL except for a few official emails, and was now suddenly the assistant to the head of the institute. To see him with the dreaded Head Archivist must have been even more of a shock. He felt pity- what a pair we make.

By the time they arrived at the archives, Jon had leant almost all of his weight against Martin’s side, making it difficult to maneuver them both down the stairs. No one was there, and he wanted to scold the other three, wherever they were, for leaving Jon to wander in his condition. I’ll fix him tea, get him on the cot and then I’ll go, he promised himself. 

Easier said than done.

He barely managed to pry Jon off of him, and only with the promise to return with a cup of tea did he let go. Never in his wildest daydreams did he imagine Jon to be this clingy, hanging off him like a limpet. As he made his way to the break room he drew the Lonely back to him like a security blanket, albeit a cold one. You can’t stay. You have to go. He looked blankly around the room he used to think of as a safe haven; it was no longer familiar, different mugs on the table, different food in the cupboards, a bag of makeup on the counter. He no longer had a place. 

Jon was sitting up on the cot when he arrived back, cup of tea in hand. He pointedly didn’t meet his eyes as he handed it over, staring at his feet and ignoring Jon’s thanks as he turned to leave. Go go go-

“Wait!”

Damn it.

He turned. “What is it, Jon? I have to-”

“Will you stay?” His face was so open, so vulnerable it made Martin ache with longing. “Just- just for a bit.”

Martin sighed, trying to maintain his stoic façade. “You know I can’t.”

“I miss you.”

“Jon-”

“I know, I know,” Jon replied, voice going quiet. He thought dying would harden the man, but it only seemed to soften his sharp edges. “I’m sorry.” He held the mug between his hands, staring down like it was something precious.

“It’s fine,” Martin replied, though they both knew it wasn’t.

“Will you stay if I don’t talk?” Jon leveled that hopeful gaze at him again and Martin looked up to the ceiling for divine intervention that wouldn’t come. 

“Jon-”

“Please.” He was begging. His eyes were bright, whether from tears or the fever Martin couldn’t discern. But what was he to do, say no? Not when he was like this, not when he was sick. Martin made excuses, none of them particularly convincing even to himself and they certainly wouldn’t be to Peter, but it didn’t matter. He’d already made his choice as soon as Jon said the word.

“Okay. For a bit.” That smile again. Jon said nothing as Martin tentatively sat beside him on that small, rickety cot. He would only stay for a bit, until Jon fell asleep. He had no one to look after him, after all. He would go back up and face Peter later. 

For now, he let Jon rest his head against his shoulder. He let his fingers rise of their own accord and brush the hair from Jon’s face, eliciting a shiver. When he fell asleep, Martin didn’t move. He needs the rest. So he sat, reveling in the warm, heavy weight of everything he’d given up, everything he stood to lose, and knew he made the right decision.

Much later, when he’s faced Peter’s disappointed gaze and a mountain of extra work, he notices the strange, powdery cast on his sleeve from where Jon had laid his head. When he rubs at it, his fingers come back with hints of pink and white. It takes him a moment to put the pieces together- the footsteps in the library, the absence of Daisy and Melanie, the makeup on the counter. He wants to roll his eyes, wants to be angry.

Instead, for the first time in months, he laughs.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28581141

[jokeson-u]

NON PLL WATCHERS. PLEASE DO ME A HUGE FAVOR AND WATCH THIS 1.5 MINUTE LONG CLIP AND TELL IF YOU THINK ITS QUEER CODED OR NOT. CUUussss..

(also pointing out rq thats the girl she holds hands with loved her so much she literally went crazy HA)

before i get into analyzing this, id like to take a moment to say that this scene was incredibly important to me when it aired and i remember how hard my heart was pounding when i watched. its one of my favorites, and continues to mean to much to me.

okay ill start with the incredibly obvious. the SOUNDTRACK CHOICE????? ('girls girls girls, women women, are babes. cute babes.) like they were like 'emilys a lesbian lets have her driving playlist just be gay as fuck' except it only played when the focus was on hanna.

after ali came back, we obviously saw hanna dealing with the shit it brought up in different ways (drinking, dying her hair, redoing her wardrobe, etc). add the factor of mona being on her radar in a negative way again, and hanna had a lot of turned over memories to dissect.

all of her flashbacks in 5x03 was with mona. i know that the story they were building there was hannas confusion over what mona wanted from her, as looking back she realizes she was made to become alison. that.. right there is pretty telling?? that hanna is so strung out over not knowing who she was to mona through their friendship, if she was a replacement, if mona loved her for who she was and not who she made her to be.

thats only related to the first half of the clip. god i get goosebumps thinking about it but just the way hanna debates with herself for a moment before the music drops and she says 'what was it like to come out?'

emily was visibly taken aback and asks where thats coming from. as suggestive as the dialogue was, i think it was also an actors choice shays part to seem so.. knowing, and on ashleys part to play hanna as nervous when asking about coming out, and hesitant when asked where her question was coming from. we know ashley irl is queer, so i do think it was intentional to make hanna come off conflicted rather than passively unsure about who she is.

hanna takes a second before giving a half assed answer ('i just never really asked you.') i think it threw emily off the 'is this a coming out story' train for a moment, until hanna kept asking if she knew, if she always knew. that looks of.. idk, confusion? suspicion? curiosity? on emilys face, when she finally says yes, part of her always knew, and she looks at hanna, and hanna looks at her and just says shes never known who she is.

emily continues to linger on her while hanna turns to look out the window and. idk man. it was a scene that couldve happened with anyone, in any other context, if it truly was strictly about her identity in relation to ali. "aria, what was it like going from hiding ur relationship to being in the open?" "spencer, how did you go from so strong to so broken, to putting yourself back together again?" both of these relate to why hanna brought anything up in the first place- her identity.

thats what season 5 is for her. hanna figuring herself out. and, i think saying, "no, hanna isnt queer, she asked because of xyz and thats why shes upset," it damaging to the implications of the scene. i truly believe that the things that go unsaid are just as important as the things that are spelled out. the music, the closeness with mona as she reflects, her timidity asking emily specifically about coming out, emily picking up on something deeper, hanna desperately wanting to know if emily always knew she liked girls, her line about how she doesnt and never has known who she is.. the subtext was so, so heavy, and 100% intentional. hanna is never labeled. most pll characters arent, but for a character like hanna whos, in my opinion, been bi coded for several seasons, whats the point in saying "no thats not it, shes straight, its about this." why was the scene played like that? why was the dialogue so suggestive, the looks and final cut with actors choices.

its so intense and heavy and god i love this scene and hanna so much. its so important to me that we get to see a character who tries to act so sure of herself, question who she is and be vulnerable about discovering herself. i miss them.

[kommunistkaitou]

advice for getting blood drawn, especially if you have trouble

I'm a phlebotomist, and it's very common for my patients to have various histories with venipuncture. Some have a phobia of needles, or of blood. Some get dizzy and/or black out. Some might have veins that are difficult to access. Some people might just want to know more. So I wanted to make a post to help.

Tip #1 - You can always ask for someone else.

If you aren't comfortable with the person drawing your blood, for ANY reason, you have the right to request someone else do it. If they missed on the first try and you don't want them to try again? If they seem rude or disrespectful to you? If you just get a weird vibe from them? Ask for someone else.

There's a couple situations where, in my opinion, you should ALWAYS ask for someone else:

You have dark skin, and the phlebotomist comments that it's hard to locate your veins. That's not how it works, finding the best venipuncture site is done by feel, so if anyone says this they're either doing their job wrong, or trying to use your skin tone as an excuse for their having difficulty. Trouble finding a vein can happen with any patient.

You're having blood drawn (via a new poke, NOT an IV being put in or used) and a nurse is the one doing it. Nurses outrank us, yes, but they are not anywhere near as practiced in drawing blood, and quite frankly most of them aren't very good at it. (Idk if this is different outside the US)

The person drawing your blood doesn't listen or brushes you off when you explain that you have a history of wooziness/fainting.

To be clear, someone else won't necessarily be available 100% of the time, especially because of the current pandemic. But most of the time it should be doable.

Tip #2- Communicate and keep track of what works

A lot of the time, patients feel guilty about "making a fuss" or "giving us trouble." Even sometimes patients who don't require anything special, but look away from the needle, think they're being difficult- probably 1/3 of patients can't watch it! But even people who DO need something extra, we are fully equipped to provide that additional care, it's part of our job and no trouble whatsoever.

Things you should communicate:

"I've fainted or almost fainted from getting blood drawn before" / "I'm feeling dizzy" Even if you're an outpatient, places will usually have an extra supportive chair/recliner to put you in so you can stay safe, crackers and juice to help get your blood sugar back up, and/or a quiet place you can rest for a little afterwards.

"Can you talk to me and distract me?" / "Can I ask you some questions to soothe my nerves?" Yeah, sure, I don't mind at all. I can't promise that I can answer all the questions, some might go to your doctor or nurse, but whatever makes you feel better.

"That SERIOUSLY hurts!" Any pain should be mostly gone after the needle stops moving. If it still hurts while the blood is flowing, especially if it's an electric kind of pain that radiates down your arm or hand, tell the phlebotomist to remove the needle immediately, because it's likely touching a nerve. I don't mean to scare you, this is rare, and when it does happen there's usually no ill effects other than extra bruising, but obviously we don't want the needle there.

"I'm on blood thinners / am a hemophiliac" Ideally the phlebotomist should ask you, but they might not, especially if you're young. NSAIDs, especially aspirin, do count as blood thinners at any dosage, so if you took some for a headache you should mention it. Don't worry about it, we draw from tons of old people who are on thinners, we're used to it, it's just good to know.

"I have difficult veins, but last time they got it from right here." Everyone's body changes from day to day, so your veins might not be the same as before. But it's good to remember the place that has been successful, it can save a lot of time and sticks. (Scar tissue especially can make it hard to feel which veins are still accessible, which means IV drug users can be hard to draw from, but when they know exactly which veins are good, it's no problem!)

"Before it took more than two people to find the vein" / "They had to put a hot pack on me to bring the vein up" / "My veins roll a lot" Related to the previous bullet, it's common for people to say they have difficult veins, but it's only useful if you're more specific. A lot of people think they have harder veins than they do.

That said, don't insist that we use a butterfly or pediatric needle. You don't have the training to determine what kind of needle we need to use. Butterfly needles are expensive, and in many places they're in short supply, and we have to ration them out. Additionally, using a needle that's too thin for the strength of the blood flow can damage the blood, which can ruin the sample. Most adults do absolutely fine with a normal straight needle, whether it hurts depends on the skill of the phlebotomist, and on luck. If you insist on a butterfly when you don't need one, you might end up with the kind of butterfly that's actually a bigger needle than the straight needle.

Tip #3 - Be hydrated

There's not much else to say here. Unless you're about to have surgery and you're specifically not supposed to drink anything, it makes things much faster and quicker if you're well-hydrated. Eating is also good, but a lot of blood tests are fasting ones, so make sure you're okay to eat beforehand or the tests might be pointless.

Well, I think that's all! If anyone wants to add on to this, feel free, especially anyone who can compare and contrast with advice for patients having IVs put in!

[rainbowpacifiers]

Twin Kingdoms (A3! Event story) - Chapter 10

Sorry for the long wait. It’s super text-heavy. They used a lot of effects for this play, so if you haven’t watched it yet or can’t and would like to see, let me know! Excuse any potential mistakes! 

Chapter 9 | Index | Epilogue

Noble A: "His Majesty's magic was superb. In his younger days, his sword skills were first-class as well." Noble: "Compared to that, Lord Cain, however.... If at least it were the other way around with the foster brother, Lutz." Noble A: "He is not very good at magic, either. I hear that is the reason why he still won't take command of the army." Noble B: "Without another heir around, what will happen?..." Cain: "......" Lutz: "Don't take it to heart, Cain. Such fellows will complain about anything." Cain: "Stop trying to console me." Lutz: "Wait, Cain--" King of North Aria: "Cough." Noble A: "Your Majesty!? Somebody call the doctor!"

Noble A: "To think his Majesty would fall ill... What does he intend to do with the throne?" Noble B: "His Royal Highness is quite advanced in age, but I feel a little uneasy about Lord Cain." Noble A: "In the first place, is Lord Cain even qualified to be heir of the throne?" Noble B: "Be careful about what you say." Noble A: "Until now, he has not appeared in royal ceremonies. It is only natural to doubt him." Noble B: "Once someone other than Lord Cain is appointed, the country will fall into ruin." Izumi: (For our setting, we have the kingdom of the north, North Aria, which has been in a long-standing conflict with the kingdom of the south, South Agis, which is surrounded by active volcanoes.) Izumi: (The story begins when North Aria's king collapses as the two countries are in the midst of approaching peril due to unexplained climate change and starvation...)

Cain: "Father...I'm sorry." Lutz: "Where are you going at this hour?" Cain: "--Why are you here?" Izumi: (Haruto-kun's performance of a delicate Prince Cain is great. It's classy and perfectly fits the GOD Troupe's vision.) Lutz: "We have been together since birth. At the very least, I know what you're thinking. Running away won't solve anything." Cain: "I know that. But my existence creates an idle conflict." Lutz: "Well, right now, the palace is not a safe place for you. It might be good to go into hiding for a while." Cain: "Thank you for everything you've done, Lutz." Lutz: "I'm going, too." Cain: "Huh?" Lutz: "I was just thinking that I wanted to go on a trip. Come on, let's go." Cain: "Hey, wait--" Izumi: (The dialogue between Haruto-kun and Shift-kun has changed quite a bit compared to when we first started.) Izumi: (You can now feel something like familiarity and affection between relatives.)

King of South Agis: "Don't make me repeat myself. It is not a matter for you to meddle in." Gilber: "Tch, that pighead! His brains are fossilising with old age." Sasha: "Whatever the circumstances may be, you are going too far, Lord Gilbert." Gilber: "Now, while the people are impoverished, it's ridiculous to have a war with North Aria. Neither the high officials nor my father are staring reality in the face." Sasha: "It seems we cannot avoid the beginning of a war." Gilbert: "Now that things have come to this, a coup is our only option." Sasha: "Do you really mean it?" Gilbert: "I jest. Prepare yourself, Sasha. Tomorrow morning, we ride for North Aria." Sasha: "A surprise attack?" Gilbert: "Your jokes don't sound like jokes." Gilbert: "The inspection results determined that the dry weather and drought have spread from North Aria." Gilbert: "We're going to investigate the cause for the change in climate. There is a way to save our people without a war." Izumi: (Tasuku-san's princely manner is even more majestic than during his performances at the MANKAI Theatre. The way he changes his acting to match with the GOD Theatre is just what you'd expect from him.) Izumi: (The way Azami-kun carries himself is smart and really conveys the role of an obedient valet skilled with a sword.)

Cain: "Oh....silverwork, huh?" Shopkeeper: "Mister, are you perhaps interested in that?" Shopkeeper: "Just between us, but this is a type of magic tool produced in South Agis. Depending on how it's used, it has the power to blow away a house." Cain: "A magic tool..." Shopkeeper: "Since this is our special, I can't just sell it for an inadequate price. Well, how about I trade it to you for that brooch you have?" Cain: "My brooch?" Shopkeeper: "Yeah. I just happen to have a customer who is interested in such things." Cain: "Well, in that case..." Gilbert: "Hey now, don't be deceived by such obvious fraud." Shopkeeper: "What!? If you're going to get in the way--" Gilbert: "If you keep on being overly ruthless, I'm going to hand you over to the military police." Shopkeeper: "--Tch." Sasha: "We might be the ones getting busted and caught by the military police, though." Gilbert: "It was obviously just a threat. Hey, young master, are you alright?" Cain: "What do you mean, fraud?" Gilbert: "That sort of silver rubbish isn't even worth a fragment of your brooch, you know?" Gilbert: "You wouldn't find something as valuable as magic tools on a market like this. There is a limit to how ignorant of the world one can be." Cain: "Wh-- Don't insult me!" Gilbert: "Whoops, my bad. It looks like I overstepped. Does the young master need to experience the real world?" Cain: "You--!" Lutz: "Hey, what are you doing, Cai?" Gilbert: "Your companion? It seems it's still too early to send the young master on an errand." Lutz: "And you are...?" Sasha: "It appears that he was being offered an unfair barter that was not worth the value, and though it might seem a little forward, my lord stepped in." Lutz: "I, I see? Looks like we owe you. Thank you." Cain: "There is no need to thank such rude fellows." Lutz: "But it's true that you know little of the world. Even brooches will add to our travelling expenses. We should be grateful to them." Gilbert: "Then, in return, won't you buy us a drink? We just got into town, so we don't know of any places." Cain: "Why, you impudent--" Lutz: "There, there. It's no bother at all."

Lutz: "I'm sorry that you ended up buying us a drink instead." Gilbert: "You did tell us a bunch of stuff." Cain: "I don't remember asking you to, but thank you, anyway." Gilbert: "Haha, well, if we ever meet again..." Lutz: "Safe travels." Sasha: "We will be going, then." Gilbert: "Alright, where should we stay for the night?" Sasha: "I arranged something at the first establishment." Gilbert: "That's my capable attendant for you." Lutz: "What interesting people, right?" Cain: "How? I have never met such a rude fellow before. Is this the norm in town?" Lutz: "No, rather, that person--" Lutz: "Look out, Cai!" Cain: "!?" Bandit A: "Tch." Cain: "What do you want?--" Bandit B: "Hand over that brooch!" Lutz: "We refuse!" Bandit A: "Ha!" Lutz: "!? Magic--no, magic tools, huh?" Cain: "Why are bandits using magic tools--?"

Gilbert: "--" Azami: "What is the matter?" Gilbert: "I felt a faint hint of magic. Someone must be using magical tools. Let's go!" Azami: "Yes!"

Lutz: "--gh." Cain: "Lutz!" Lutz: "There are still too many of them..." Cain: "We should just give them this brooch..." Lutz: "Even if we hand it over, they're not the sort to just quietly return home." Cain: "Uh--" Gilbert: "Seems as if you have a disposition to somehow get caught up in trouble." Lutz: "Mister Gil!" Sasha: "I will assist you." Bandit A: "Tsk."

Izumi: (The two princes who met in the border town between North Aria and South Agis-) Izumi: (come to take joint action in order to investigate the identity of the attacking bandits...) Gilbert: "It's the crest of the 'Dragon's Followers' who worship the ancient dragon." Cain: "I've never heard of them." Lutz: "Same here." Cain: "Isn't the fact that magic tools were used proof that they're from South Agis?" Gilbert: "That may not necessarily be the case. In the underworld, they are traded by North Aria, too." Sasha: "In all likelihood, they aren't just random rogues."

Izumi: (The party who determined the identity of the bandits with the strange crest as their clue, chases after the bandits who attacked again and enters their hideout...) Gilbert: "Canvassing of historial ruins...? We had such ruins?" Cain: "Not in my memory." Lutz: "Those ruins seem to be the sanctuary of the 'Dragon's Followers'." Gilbert: "The demon clan sealed the ancient dragon that once ruled this land... That dragon brings about a curse once after two thousand years." Gilbert: "So two thousand years later would be this year...?" Cain: "Nonsense. I have never heard of such a story before." Gilbert: "I'm of the same opinion. But it might be necessary to investigate it. That 'two thousand years later dragon's curse'." Sasha: "We are out of time." Gilbert: "--So they're already back." Lutz: "We will have no choice but to engage, it seems." Gilbert: "We only need to earn enough time to secure an escape route." Sasha: "I doubt it will be that easy. We're surrounded." Cain: "--What do we do?" Gilbert: "No other choice, then...." Sasha: "Lord Gilbert, please refrain from rash conduct." Gilbert: "We can't just let them kill us without a fight, either." Cain: "What are you talking about?" Gilbert: "Make sure you don't get caught up in it. Oh power of the source surrounding heaven and earth, dwell in my hands--" Dragon's followers: "Uwah!" Lutz: "Flame magic!?" Cain: "Don't tell me that you're South Agis'--!" Lutz: "How overwhelming..." Cain: "Gil, are you part of South Agis' royal family?" Gilbert: "I'm more or less incognito. It'd be of great help if you could keep quiet about it." Lutz: "South Agis' young lion, Prince Gilbert..." Sasha: "That's why I told you that your alias was too simple." Gilbert: "But I'd just give myself away by using a name I'm not used to." Lutz: "To think that you would be a prince! What a surprise. Are you perhaps on reconnaissance?" Gilbert: "Our goal is just as I've told you. We are investigating the cause of the climate change. Although I didn't think it would lead us to the ancient dragon." Gilbert: "Getting you any deeper involved would be dangerous. For now, you should get away from here so that you won't be discovered by their comrades." Cain: "What are you planning?" Gilbert: "We will investigate the ruins." Cain: "--We will go, too. We can't just pretend to be ignorant after coming this far." Lutz: "Cai--are you serious?" Lutz: "Alright. Mister Gil, may we accompany you for that?" Gilbert: "You surprisingly have guts, young master." Cain: "Stop calling me that." Gilbert: "Cai seems like he is a young master from a prestigious family too, so how did you end up on a journey when you're not yet used to travelling?" Gilbert: "There is probably more to it, right?" Cain: "...You would never understand my feelings." Cain: "Not you, who was born to be a king and is blessed with the makings of one." Gilbert: "...I'm sorry for asking such a personal question." Izumi: -- Izumi: (In the midst of their journey, the scene where Cain gives vent to his own feelings...) Izumi: (The violent emotions he has been bottling up for so long in a darker and deeper part can be seen more clearly than during the auditions.)  Izumi: (His gloomy inferiority complex that has been accumulating, his jealousy of Gilbert, who has everything, and his strong desire...) Izumi: (That's a Cain that no one but Haruto-kun could have enacted.)

Izumi: (The party arrives at North Aria's sacred mountain that they were led to by the Dragon's Followers...) Gilbert: "Ugh..." Cain: "Gil? What's wrong?" Gilbert: "I'm not sure--suddenly, my strength--" Sasha: "Get down!" Gilbert: "Waah!" Lutz: "His magic suddenly went off--!?" Cain: "Don't tell me this is the dragon's influence." Sasha: "It's dangerous. Please move away." Cain: "But at this rate, Gil will--" Sasha: "I will stop him. Hah!" Lutz: "Wait, you're actually slashing at him?!" Sasha: "Even if my lord has lost his mind, he should be able to avoid this much." Lutz: "The trust between you runs really deep! Alright, then I will believe in that and back you up." Lutz: "Excuse me if I inadvertently stab you--looks like I needn't have worried." Cain: "--ghh." Cain: "--damn it, my eyes can barely keep up." Sasha: "Hgg--" Lutz: "Sasha, any more is too risky!" Sasha: "But--it is my duty as an attendant to stop Lord Gil." Gilbert: "Aaah!" Sasha: "Ugh--" Gilbert: "Hah, uhuh..." Cain: "Sasha!"

Lutz: "Seems like Sasha is out of the woods for now. Mister Gil is still asleep." Cain: "...I was useless. Even here, I couldn't do a thing." Lutz: "Come on, pull yourself together. Under those circumstances, there was nothing to be done." Cain: "I was born a prince, too, so why...." Lutz: "You have your own things that you should do. That's why I followed you here. So that you could save this country as its prince." Cain: "All I did was run away." Lutz: "Enough!" Cain: "--" Lutz: "Search for what it is that you ought to do. I know you can do it. I'm saying this as someone who has been with you since we were children, so there's no doubt." Izumi: (Leaving the wounded Sasha behind, the other three head to the sacred mountain once more, for the purpose of investigating the ruins.)

Gilbert: "Should it appear as if my power will spontaneously discharge again, don't hesitate to abandon me and run away." Lutz: "Don't mind if we do. We won't be able to stop you on our own." Gilbert: "Hearing that makes me feel at ease. Let's go. We are almost at the top." Cain: "Ah, the ruins are over ther--" Gilbert: "Kuh--" Cain: "Gil!" Gilbert: "Damn it--again--escape!" Dragon: "Roar!" Lutz: "--A dragon!?" Cain: "There is no body. It's an illusion. But there is no doubt that Gil's powers are being used by the dragon." Lutz: "At any rate, he is not someone we can win against. I will buy some time. In the meantime, you should--" Dragon: "Roar!" Cain: "Ugh--Lutz!" Lutz: "Run...away!" Cain: "Lutz! Don't die!" Gilbert: "Guaah!" Cain: "Why...am I powerless...! I, I...!" *glowing light* Cain: "--Just what?" *bright light coming off Cain* *darkness* Gilbert: "Cai...? Did you do this?" Cain: "Me...? No, I don't have magic..." Lutz: "...ugh." Cain: "Lutz! Are you alright?!" Lutz: "......" Cain: "Lutz!" Gilbert: "Calm yourself. He's just sleeping. More importantly, what happened?" Cain: "I don't know..." Gilbert: "I felt powerful magic. Did you perhaps...." Cain: "...I am the son of North Aria's ruler, Cain." Gilbert: "Prince Cain...You...." Cain: "Let's check the ruins. The key to saving our countries lies here."

Cain: "Ancient language..." Gilbert: "Can you read it?" Cain: "Yeah." Cain: "The brothers who carried magic sealed the dragon here. At that time, the earth was plunged in darkness because of the dragon, who was set free above ground, and his curse." Cain: "The older brother cast all of his magic and subdued it. Thereafter, the curse will manifest itself again once in two thousand years." Cain: "In order to subdue it, the saviour child will be born among the descendants of the brothers, concealing enormous magic power within themself." Cain: "Pass on the key without ever losing it. Dispel the curse before the dragon is awakened by the magma." Gilbert: "A saviour concealing enormous magic power..?" Cain: "Among North Aria's royal family, magicless children have been discarded as children to shun for generations." Gilbert: "It is the same for South Agis." Cain: "In the first place, which family is this about?" Gilbert: "That magic just then - it felt similar to my power. It's possible that the power of the two royal families was originally one and the same." Cain: "We, from the same family...? So our ancestors would have been the brothers that felled the dragon?" Gilbert: "Though my rockhead of a father would probably die of indignation if I asked him." Cain: "But with this, I know what it is that I have to do. If we use my magic, we can dispel the dragon's curse. And both countries will be saved." Gilbert: "So you're going to use the power from just now?" Cain: "Since my birth, my magic powers haven't manifested even once. That thing just now was just a coincidence. If we don't have the key..." Gilbert: "I've never heard of any key." Cain: "Neither have I. The fact that the saviour child came to be abhorred in the first place may mean that the key and folklore have been forgotten." Gilbert: "....In that case, we have no choice but to use my power, right?" Cain: "The dragon would just take over you again. You might not be able to return to your senses." Gilbert: "Even so, it is worth a try." Cain: "How can you just resign yourself to that without hesitation?" Gilbert: "If there is something you ought to do, then just do it, right? What is there to hesitate for?" Cain: "...I'm a fool for asking you." Gilbert: "Where do you intend to go?" Cain: "I will return to the royal capital and look for the key. You do what you have to do." Gilbert: "I'm counting on you, brother." Cain: "Who are you calling your brother?" Gilbert: "We're relatives, so it's all the same, right?" Cain: "Hmph, what an overly friendly guy."

Citizen A: "An enemy attack! South Agis is invading!" Citizen B: "Kyaah!" Citizen C: "A war at a time like this--!" Cain: "We're looking for the key." Lutz: "We don't have to stop them?" Cain: "We will leave it to the other prince. He should be able to figure something out." Lutz: "You're putting your trust in him." Cain: "Wipe that grin off your face."

King of South Agis: "We will make North Aria a country of mine! That is the only way for us to survive!" Gilbert: "That stupid old man--!" Sasha: "You're going too far." Soldier A: "R, reporting in! --an eruption! The vulcano has erupted!" King of South Agis: "What!?" Gilbert: "The magma will awaken the dragon from his sleep..." King of South Agis: "W, what is this rumbling of the ground?" Dragon: "Roar!" Soldier A: "A dragon! The dragon was resurrected!" Dragon's Followers: "Oh...noble dragon! Burn this foolish human race to nothing!"

Cain: "All soldiers, change your target to the ancient dragon!" Noble A: "B, but, what about South Agis attacking us!?" Cain: "They should be aiming at the dragon as well!" Dragon: "Roar!" Gilbert: "Cai! Did you find the key!?" Cain: "I'm sorry. Not yet--" Gilbert: "That's too bad. In that case, there is only one way left." Cain: "Are you sure? If you use up all of for magic power, your life will come to an end." Cain: "To begin with, we don't know if we can seal the dragon with your power alone." Gilbert: "Even then, there is no one else but me who can do it." Cain: "Why do you have no doubts?" Gilbert: "It's not like I don't have any. It's just that there is no another way." Gilbert: "In that regard, you are the brave one for throwing away the throne and trying to break away. Have a little more confidence in yourself." Gilbert: "I'm leaving South Agis and North Aria to you, brother." Cain: "Wait, Gil--Gilbert!" Dragon: "Roar!" Lutz: "Cai, get down! This place is getting too dangerous!" Cain: "--Let go! There is something that I have to see through." Lutz: "--I have no choice then. I will go with you." Cain: "Lutz..." Lutz: "Let's go!"

Gilbert: "Damn it, I can't contain is...." Dragon: "Roar!" Gilbert: "--gh." Sasha: "Leave your back to me!" Gilbert: "Sasha!? Your injuries--" Sasha: "I cannot just let my lord go on his own." Gilbert: "Do you intend to follow me as far as the other side? You truly are a model attendant." Sasha: "Hng." Lutz: "We will back you up!" Gilbert: "Lutz--Cai...so you came!" Cain: "Sealing that dragon is my duty." Dragon: "Roar!" Lutz: "That being said, what will you do without the key!?" Gilbert: "If you don't have the key, wrench it open!" Sasha: "That's very extreme." Dragon: "Roar!" Lutz: "What power...!" Sasha: "Uh...I'm draining quickly. How long will it last?" Gilbert: "Sorry...Cai. Take care...of the rest." Cain: "Gilbert!!" Lutz: "Uargh!" Sasha: "--ugh." Cain: "If there is any power within me... If there is a meaning behind me never manifesting magic, then..." Cain: "Show it to me right here, right now...! So that I can save my comrades and my people!" Dragon: "Roar!"

Cain: "Uugh..." Gilbert: "Hey, are you alright? Cai!" Cain: "...Gil? So you survived." Gilbert: "I should be saying that." Cain: "--What about the dragon?" Gilbert: "Fell into slumber." Cain: "I see..." Gilbert: "In the end, you were the saviour child. The entire time, the key was within you." Cain: "Inside of me..." Gilbert: "I told you to have a little more faith in yourself." Cain: "Humph. Don't act all big."

Noble A: "...Hereby, we enter into a permanent peace treaty, prohibiting any hostile acts between the two countries of North Aria and South Agis." Gilbert: "It was hard work getting that rockhead of an old man to keep quiet. You were finally able to make it this far, brother." Cain: "I don't remember becoming your brother. But, I feel the same." The people: "Long live North Aria! Long live King Cain!"

Reni: "--" Reni: (I have been looking after the actor Asuka Haruto for many years, but to think he was an actor with such feelings hidden inside...) Reni: (The longing of have-nots....I also remember it.)

Haruto: Thank you very much! Shift: Thank you~. Tasuku: Thank you. Azami: Thanks. Lady in her prime: ..... Haruto: --. Haruto: (Was that--no. It was just for a moment, so I might have mistaken her.) Haruto: (It doesn't matter. From tomorrow onwards, I only have to carry out performance after performance like today's with everything I've got, so that I can hold my head high even if my mother comes to watch.) Haruto: (And then, if we manage a smooth run-through until closing night--ya won't mind me comin' home after all this time, would ya, mum?)

______________

Chapter 9 | Index | Epilogue

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #461

“this city looks so pretty, do you wanna burn it with me?”

Have you ever wanted a Nikon camera? Or do you have one already? My camera before the one I have now was a Nikon D3200. I use a Canon now. Who was the last person (if anyone) you said Happy Birthday to? A friend. Do you have Photoshop? If so, how often a day do you use it? I have it, but I barely use it nowadays. I use it to edit photos for character profiles or profile pictures, add a watermark for my actual photography, and I used to make Mark-oriented gifs like crazy. They mostly did really well, so... I might wanna get back into that and get That Sweet Validation. Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? No. Have any of your exes gotten married or had kids since your breakup? None, I think. Do either of your parents have a mental illness? My mom has depression. Can you tolerate children for a long period of time? NO. Have you ever lived with someone you felt thoroughly uncomfortable around? No. Are you into dubstep? Yeah, I tend to enjoy it. Zelda or The Sims games? Can I pick neither? lol I don't feel very much at all for The Sims, and Zelda games have always looked... boring to me? Like I've watched most of the Game Grumps' playthroughs of all the games, and they make it hilarious of course, but the games themselves? Nah. Are you terrible at assigning bands their proper genre? YES YES YES YES YES YES. Even in my preferred category, that being metal, FUCK if I know the sub-genre. Have you ever made out in a closet? No, that shit sounds claustrophobic as hell. Have you ever been to a laser tag place? Yeah, on a triple-date once! It was SO fun. How do you wanna celebrate your next birthday? Have a couple friends over, pig out at The Cheesecake Factory. o3o Do you tease your parents about them being old? No, especially not Mom. She's self-conscious about getting older. Are you in love with someone? "In love" is a bit too far, buddy. But I love someone. Have you ever ridden a unicycle? No. Have you ever wanted a pet bunny? I was VERY serious about getting a lop-eared bunny for quite a while, but we just couldn't afford to adopt one (even off Craigslist) and get a cage for it, toys, etc. Are the bottom of your feet clean? I HATE seeing the bottom of my feet. Not because they're dirty, but because it's Callus City. I ain't even fuckin jokin'. Do you like really salty food? Yeah. :x When’s the last time you bled a lot? Well, I just recently finished my cycle after not menstruating for three or four MONTHS, so you can figure that one out. Have you ever watched a needle go into your own skin? Yeah. I like to know exactly when it's coming. Have you ever seen someone get a piercing/tattoo? Yes to both. When you’re done eating finger foods, do you usually lick your fingers? Usually kasdjlf;kalsdjf shut up ok I like food. What’s the most racist thing you have ever said? As a little kid, when my really good friend (a neighborhood kid, even) asked if he thought we'd be a good couple, I told him no because "blacks and whites don't date" or something like that. It was an idea I'd never been exposed to before; the idea was so foreign to little kid me. I had no idea I was being racist. It ended in a small fight and we didn't talk for a few days 'til he came to my house telling Mom that he had to "be a man" and fix this and if that ain't the cUTEST SHIT RIGHT THERE. We were friends again after that. He's still on my Facebook, and he actually semi-recently got married! :') Do you know someone that is mute, deaf or blind? No. Have you ever spent more than two weeks in a wheelchair? No. Does weed smell good? Or no? Ugh, no. Where do you see your closest friend in ten years? Successful and happy she kept pushing. Mama to so many reptiles that are blessed with the best lives possible in human care. Got at least one amazing book out there. If she's reading this, you've fucking got this. <3 Would you like to have twins? Mother of fucking god, no. Even if I WANTED kids, do fucking not give me twins. Who was the last person you got into an argument with? My mom. Want to have kids before you’re 30? Once again, I don't want kids, but IF I did, that'd be preferable before the risk of birth defects and other issues climb with age. Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? My older sister has my initial. Do you think somebody’s in love with you? No. Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in ten years? Yes, I genuinely do. Who were the last people to hang out at your house? Miss Tobey, our friend and landlord. Does anyone like you? Welp... I hope he still does. Guess we'll figure that out soon. What person on your Facebook do you talk to the most? VIA Facebook? Probably my friend Lyndsey. She likes to comment on stuff I share. Do you want to fall in love? I do, but I'm also utterly horrified to and risk being hurt again. Are you interested in more than one person at the moment? No. Once I realized I was so deeply into Girt, all other romantic feelings kinda just... poofed. How was your last break up? Civil and done with both of our best interests in mind. What is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to say? Probably the first time I admitted I needed to go to the hospital for suicidal thoughts. I was so, so scared of what it was going to be like. What is the hardest thing you NEEDED to hear? That if Jason wasn't happy with me, he had every right to move on. She was right. Do you treat yourself well? No... but I'm trying to change that. What was the last song you sang out loud to? This "Set Fire to the Rain" cover. Do you take good pictures? I think I do? Have you ever done any internship? No. What’s a topic you’ve drastically changed your opinion on? Holy shit, so much, especially when it comes to morality and political stances. I am now a massive supporter and member of the LGBTQ+ community, I'm pro-trans rights, pro-choice... I've done like a dozen 180s in a lot of topics. Do you know anyone who has a PhD? I mean, some doctors, but no one in my truly personal life. Do you know anyone who works as a lawyer? Yes: my cousin. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? LAKSDJFKLA;JWD NEVER AND I PRAY TO THE HOLY LORD THAT I NEVER DO. Does the thought of having wrinkles when you’re older upset you? Not massively? Like literally everyone gets them and is natural and inevitable. Do you know anyone who’s struggling with addiction? I know one alcoholic, and one that's probably borderline. I also have two friends who are extremely addicted to weed. Look me in the eyes and say it's not an addictive substance and I wouldn't believe you one bit. Is there a video or computer game that you can get lost in for hours? Eh, sometimes World of Warcraft. Some days I'm really into it, and others I barely touch it. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? I have no clue. I don't even remember movies that were made *for* Disney exclusively. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. We have a friend from the dance studio mow the lawn. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? My iPod has a whole live album of Ozzy. Did you or do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Both did and do. Britney is a boss bitch. Does your favorite band have a male or female lead singer? Male. Have you seen the movie Moulin Rouge? No, but I've seen some of that P!nk music video of the song and it brings out the Gay in me. Do you have a key to anything besides your house? No. Could you ever complete a 500-piece puzzle? I've done that before. I miss doing puzzles... Have you ever been to any sort of convention? I went to a reptile expo with Sara!! I REALLY want to go to another when my legs are stronger and can handle standing and walking so much. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom. Have you ever tried to walk on a moving vehicle and fallen over? No????? What is your favourite kind of bread? Is there any of that in your house? Pumpernickel. No. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? I played the flute all through middle school and I wanna say half of HS. Have you ever ordered an unusual drink at a bar? Never even been to one. Have you ever been pulled aside by security at the airport? I think once for some reason I don't recall? What is your favourite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times) Gingerbread men, probs. Or chocolate bunnies!!! :') How do you feel right now? My stomach is KILLING me. I'm super excited though that Girt is coming over tomorrow. Have you ever had surgery that kept you in the hospital for over a day? No. What would you like your generation to change? How we treat nature. Is there anyone that you truly could not live without? No. I learned that is a very unhealthy mentality to have. Do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? I just hate carrots. What restaurant did you last go out to dinner at with friends? With friends? I couldn't even guess. Does your refrigerator have an ice maker or do you use ice cube trays? It has an ice maker. Do you have a favorite sibling, if any? No; I love them all. Do you have a favorite brand of clothing? I STAN CLOAK. How’s the love life? Something new might start tomorrow. I think it will. Do you watch the news? No; that shit is depressing. Who do you admire most? Mark. Do you have a favorite album? Black Rain by Ozzy Osbourne takes the cake and always will.

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[flyinghetfield]

Chapter 11/Part 2 Violin Girl If you haven’t read the first part of violin girl. Here is the start [x] Enjoy x. *This is based 6 Months later after the San Fran story.* also the name of this might change as its a second part now, haven’t made my mind up about that yet.

---------------------------------------------- The applause seemed thunderous as you and the orchestra bowed, the concert finally coming to an end. The past few months had seemed like a blessed whirlwind as you had been touring around Europe playing with some of the most best classical musicians in the world. Tonight? Amsterdam. The orchestra waits until the maestro walks off the stage, the house lights finally coming up as everyone starts to file out of the room. Walking off the stage you nod politely to some of the patrons standing around, their formal suits and evening dresses making you slightly jealous as they seemed to mold in with all the beauty around them. Finding your way back to the dressing rooms, you walk over to your bag and start to strip off the now sweaty black clothes you had worn on stage. “Charlotte, seriously has to get her shit together on sheet 20. She keeps coming in a second late and if stuffs John up every time.” You duck down to your little compartment, grabbing out your jeans and a nice shirt while tucking away your violin in your bag “Y/N what do you think?” “Hmm?” Glancing up, you shake your head as you pull your fresh shirt over your head. “Charlotte? She’s got her heart in the right place, just needs a little practice is all.” Dawn was always very strict on how everyone performed each night having been in this symphony for over 8 years. Don’t know why she want��s my opinion though.  “The only thing she’s practicing on every night is the maestros blowpipe.” Snickers erupt in the room and you resist the temptation to roll your eyes at dawn, settling on a tight smile as you sit down to put your shoes on.  as a fierce red head walks in the room, her hands on her hips, clearly peeved at over hearing what was just said. “Dawn, seriously, you were young once.. Charlotte is just having fun.”  Dawn makes a tch sound, before turning back to her clothes as Ruby smiles over in your direction. Ruby, was also a violinist and had been a world of help to you while traveling, taking you to all the cool little places in each town, as well as helping your drunk ass get back to the hotel each night. “Y/N, are you ready? Let’s go and enjoy the night while we’re still young.” Smiling, you grab your bag and follow Ruby out of the room. Ruby claimed that she had been touring since she was 16 and had been enjoying the spotlight for almost 10 years, the perks of being a wonder child. As the two of you walk in the corridors, people stop to congratulate the two of you on a wonderful performance. Well.. mostly Ruby. The two of you head out of the building and you breath a deep breath of relief at the cool night and take in the scenery around you as Ruby lights up a cigarette. “So my little protégé” Ruby blows a gust of smoke in your direction and you cough. “Where shall we go tonight?” “Do I actually have an opinion on where to go or have you already made plans like last time?” “I like to make you think you have some sort of opinion.” Laughing, she grins as she reaches down and grabs your hand, tugging you into the streets of Amsterdam. You still have to mentally slap yourself as you take where you currently are. It had been a fluke that you had been invited on the tour, since the Violinist who was meant to be in your spot had come down with some sort of illness and Kamen of all people had thrown your name in the hat, when people had asked about a replacement. A few weeks after, one soppy cry fest from Eric. “Bring home an exotic boyfriend!” and you were in business class, flying off to Italy of all places. It had been there on that flight that you so happen to sit next to the fiery red head who was now inseparable from you. “Here Y/N, wait here. I’m going to go grab us a drink. Don’t wander off.” You watch as Ruby walks off and you lean against the railing by the canal, admiring the couples as they lounge casually in their boats. Sighing as one of them kisses their lover, your mind drifts off back to San Francisco and you feel a pang on home sickness settle over you. Eric would love ruby, he would love being here, especially the red light district.. Looking over you notice a bridge and see two buskers standing there, playing acoustic guitars, serenading people as they walked past. I wonder... what’s he up to? You shake your head violently at the thought. It had been months since you thought of him, so why did he have to appear now? “I always have that reaction when looking over the canal.” Startled slightly, you glance over to your left to see a guy leaning against the railing as well. Well hello...This one is cute. Blonde hair.. tied back in a bun, Blue eyes, Boyish smile... I swear if he’s name starts with a J... “You stare at canals often?” “Only when I have to talk to a stunning girl.” You can’t help the sudden snort that comes out of the back of your throat and shake your head. “Ok.. ok yes that was corny but I had to try.” He extends his hand out. “I’m Kris.” Oh thank god. You look down at his hand and back up at his face. “Come on, don’t leave me hanging here.” Rolling your eyes, you shake his hand. “Y/N.” “Ah what a beautiful name to add to the cute face.” Sighing you stand up straight and pull a really? face at him. He throws his hands up and smiles. “I can’t stop, i apologize.” Oh why do you have to be cute? “Clearly this isn’t your first time here, if you have a habit of picking up girls along the canal” His eyebrows shoot up at the sentence and he smiles slightly. “How do you know i’m Foreign? Maybe I live here.” That makes you laugh out loud and you shake your head. “I can spot a danish accent a mile away.” As you nod in the direction of some of the natives walking around, talking. “You? I’m going to say good old U-S of A.” He stands there for a moment, staring at you before smiling. “New York.” You grin back, as he finally gives in. “What about you?” “San Fran.” “Ah, I've never been to San Francisco. Is it really as hilly as the pictures show?” “If you want a good cardio work out, it would be the place for it.” “I keep telling her to move from there.” Ruby finally reappears, scaring you slightly and you smile as she hands you a smoothie, which you happily start to suck away on. “Ruby we have only known each other for a few months, I’m not going anywhere and also you live in London, so you have no input in this.” She laughs and casually wraps a arm around your waist. A protective thing to ward of any unexpected attention when traveling around. This wasn’t the first time the two of you had received attention from some of the locals and had both agreed on some rules to help get each other out of trouble when needed. Girl code so to speak. “I’m Kris.” He extends his hand out to ruby, who shakes it firmly. “I know.” You almost choke on your drink as you whip your head towards her. “You guys have met?” “No but I have seen him before. This guy is quite a shark in the music industry.” Your eyebrows fly up as you look back over at Kris, who now has a smug smirk on his lips. “I just know how to do business, that’s all.” He looks back over towards you and winks, making you divert your eyes back over to the canal as your face starts to heat up. “So is it business or pleasure?” Now you look over at Kris, who is smiling at Ruby’s question. “Business.. I’m here closing out a deal before flying back home. Knowing.. I’m always down for a little bit of pleasure.” You swear you could see his eyes dart over to you and you lean against ruby at bit more, which doesn’t go unnoticed by her. “Well.. I was just about to take my protégé here down to the red light district, since she’s never seen it before..” Ruby pulling away from you, grabs your hand once more as you look at her Are you crazy!? “..You can tag along if you wish.” Kris smiles and you blush once again as he stands up fully, showing his full height. Jesus he would have to be over 6ft. “I would love to.” ~~~~ The three of you walk through the Red light district and you can’t help but be enticed by the neon lights bouncing off each shop, their red lights dazzling and flashing. There are people everywhere, and you grip on Ruby’s hand slightly tighter as you weave through a lump of people standing in front of a club with Exotic females dancing in each window. Oh Dorthy, your not in Kansas anymore. You giggle slightly as you walk past a fountain with an interesting sculpture piece sitting boldly on top. “I don’t think that would fit.” Jumping at Kris’s sudden voice in your ear, you turn your head and give him a smug smile. “Not if you don’t try.” He laughs and shakes his head. Ruby suddenly stops in front of one of the many bars open and turns back around to you, a grin on her lips. “Want to go for a drink?” She points up to the neon sign. “Do you remember the last time that happened!? You were dancing on top of the bar and almost cracked your head open when you slipped!” “Exactly! I need to keep practicing my dance moves, so I don’t slip again” You have no chance to rebut as Ruby walks down the stairs. You turn to look at Kris and shrug before following into a underground bar. The music is loud and pumping as you walk down the steps, which you know either yourself or ruby will be falling up or down at some point through out the night. Stopping on the bottom step you look around the full room and try to glance over the tops of people, looking for that particular shade of red hair. “Lets go to the bar” Kris yells into your ear and you blush as he grabs your hand, you give him a questioning look and he grins “Ruby would kill me if you were left alone” Yeah your probably right. The two of you weave through the dance floor, towards the bar and you can feel Kris squeeze your hand for a sense of comfort. Finally emerging from the pool of sweat and god knows what else bodily fluids, the two of you stand against the edge of the bar. Glancing down the bar itself you see Ruby up the other end shouting and pointing towards some particular bottles on the wall. “Anything in particular catch your fancy?” Kris voice is in your ear once more and you shake your head laughing. “Ruby usually orders for me, she knows all the hidden gems” You look up at his face and see him pondering what to order. “Well are you wanting something sweet like yourself?” Eye roll “Or hard and heavy like myself?” You can see the challenge rolling off of him. You were never one to resist a challenge. “Hard and heavy” “Excellent” He grins as he tries to get the bartenders attention. A cute danish guy finally notices and comes walking over. Kris throws his hand up “Two Genever’s please”  “Young or old?” The bartender questions and you throw your eyebrows up. “Old” He nods, before walking off to grab a bottle off the shelf. “Genever?” You lean against the bar looking up at Kris. “Pretty much the Quintessential dutch drink to try.” You shake your head smiling. “How many times have you been here?” “Let’s just say this isn’t my first rodeo.” You laugh as the bartender puts down the drinks and after a quick argument of who was going to pay, Kris hands over the money. “Come lets find somewhere quieter to talk.” Grabbing your hand he pulls you towards a sitting area, towards the back. Looking around you notice that most of the booths are filled with lovers, lustfully kissing or whispering temptations to each other as the two of you find a booth for yourself. Kris sitting down first before pulling you in next to him. You take a drink of the glass in your hand, and cough as it hits you. “I told you it was strong.” Laughing you wave your hand. “So Mr. Hard and Heavy” You put the glass down and smile at him “Ruby said you are in the music business, what do you do?” He runs his hand along his jawline. “I manage musicians, bands etc. and help with the booking and making sure those musicians make it to the next concert, interview, photo shoot etc.” “Ah a tough life indeed.” He laughs as he takes a sip of his drink. “Oh you don’t know the half of it, how many times I've pulled half naked rock stars out of motel rooms at 6 in the morning because we have to make a 8 am flight to a 10am photo shoot for, let’s say Rolling Stones.. well let’s just say I could probably buy myself one hell of an expensive yacht.” The both of you laugh and you notice Kris moving in closer to you. “But enough about me, a pretty girl like yourself, in Amsterdam of all places, you must have a story to tell?” “Not really, I mean it’s not always like this -” You wave your hand around “-I’m usually living my life in San Francisco or playing with a symphony less.. exotic.” “Symphony? What do you play?” “Violin.” “Ah” Kris raises his hand and traces along your neck, making you shiver “No wonder you have such a pretty neck, the violin has made it all the much sweeter.” You feel his lips kiss the edge of your jawline, your eyes fluttering to a close. Ok. Cute guy, kissing my neck, not exotic like Eric wanted but better than nothing. You feel his hand on your thigh, his thumb doing slight circles on the inner part. “Kris..” “Shh” His lips softly kiss on yours and you kiss him back, wrapping your arms around his neck as he deepens it, you feel his hands move to your hips and you instantly pull back. “What’s the matter?” Staring into his blue eyes you take a deep breath, The last time I was in this situation.. I was with him. You can recall the way his hands gripped into your hips leaving marks, the way his eyes shone as he kissed you, his moan, his scent. “I need to get out of here.” Standing up suddenly, you wobble and lean against the chair, holding yourself up. How much alcohol is in that drink?? “Are you sur-”  “She said she needs to get out of here, let her go.” You feel an arm wrap around your waist, and comfort his you as you lean into Ruby. “Let’s get out of here, I’m bored of this place already.” Once Ruby knows you are able to walk, she grips your hand once more as she pulls you back through the crowd of people. Looking behind you, you try to see if Kris is following but don’t spot him anywhere. Climbing back up the stairs - slowly so neither of you would fall - you find yourself once again leaning over the railing of the canal, taking deep breaths as Ruby lights up another cigarette. “How.. how did you find us?” “Not that hard.. I saw you two at the bar talking and saw him drag you off the back. Told myself I’d give you at least 15 minutes before coming and checking up on you.” She blows out a puff. “Good thing I did cause he was all over you.” You chuckle before going quiet again, a shiver vibrating through you as the night air really hit you. “Look stay here, Let me go see if i can find a taxi rink so we can get your drunk, ass home.” “Ruby I can function by myself” “Ah my protégé, that’s not how this works.” She grins and kisses you on the cheek. “Stay, hold my cigarettes so I have an incentive to come back and get you.” You laugh as she walks off towards the street. Looking down at her cigarettes, you smile and shake your head. Eric was going to kick my ass for making out with a random guy in a night club, who wasn’t even danish. You run your hand along your jawline where Kris was and hope no bruising will show. Dawn will have a field day. “You just can’t stay away from me can you Violin Girl.” The flood of ice that runs through your body hits all at once as you take in a gasp of air. That voice.. I’m hearing things.. this can’t be real. Slowly you turn around to meet a pair of, now amused, green eyes and let out a shaky breath. “...Lars.” ----------------------- < Previous                                                                    Next>

[thejolteonmastertj]

Privilege & Compassion: Digging Deep Into Kirishima’s Ep68 Characterization.

Early on Kirishima mentioned in passing that his Quirk isn’t as “flashy” as he’d like it to be, and it would be harder for him to become a famous hero because of it. 

Bear in mind this is the same kid who was one of the top scorers in the entrance exam for the most prestigious school for heroism in the country... although to be fair he did also fail the midterms... but then he also passed the licensing exam.

So we know based on these background details and his increasingly pertinent insecurities he’s shared with his friends in the flashback that he’s likely suffering from a combination of imposter syndrome and genuine academic stress.

Kirishima is actually right that his Quirk puts him at a lower level of privilege within U.A.  He lives in a world that heavily judges people based on their Quirks, and, especially for those seeking a job in hero work, “flashiness” is as much of a measurement of one’s worth as versatility or power.

However, while Kirishima’s insecurities about his place within U.A. are somewhat justified, he forgets that he’s still well within that top class.

He lacks the self-awareness to fully understand how to interact with someone from an entirely different level of society.

The thing is, this particular flaw is a common one that’s so embedded into people’s psyches irl that there are many cases in media where it’s not intended to be read as a flaw at all.  Indeed, nobody corrects Kirishima on it other than the villain himself, so if this were a standalone episode the audience might have been left feeling that Kirishima is in the right and the villain is in the wrong.

This is not the case for My Hero Academia... at least, it’s not if you do some really deep reading.  Personally I quite like how the narrative isn’t up in your face about this being a flaw for Kirishima, the kid’s 14, he has plenty of room to learn about it later (and even if he doesn’t, as many adults irl don’t, there’s nothing wrong with having a flawed character).

I haven’t seen many people talk about it though, so I’m curious as to if anyone else caught on to this nuance.

Perhaps this nuance is a bit easier for manga readers to pick up on after learning the backstories of certain villains.  Even without taking that into consideration though, the backstory with Midoriya in the first few episodes also made it abundantly clear that there are people in this world who can’t make it as a hero, or that if they do, they are very lucky for it.  Midoriya not only lacked a Quirk, he also lacked guidance to train.  All Might gave him both of these things.

Then there is the clearest clue.  Let’s look at this moment in the sports festival.

It’s interesting to see the contrast between how Midoriya interacted with Shinsou vs how Kirishima interacted with the villain.  Midoriya had the self-awareness to realize there’s nothing he could think of to say that would make Shinsou feel better about his situation.  Although I must add, I think Midoriya being at a loss for words entirely is also a form of immaturity (I don’t mean that in a demeaning way, he’s hecking 14 years old, he still growing), Midoriya is at a different level in his understanding of these situations as opposed to Kirishima.

But Wait, This Get’s More Complex

Another funny detail about Kirishima is this episode is not just giving us Quirk and class politics crap for me to sink my teeth into, it’s also, quite humorously, addressing what happens when you put a high-functioning low-self-esteem kid in the same room as someone who clearly suffers from extreme anxiety.  This anime brings in an intersectionality with mental health.

New drinking game: take a shot every time Kirishima tells someone he understands them or feels the same.

“That’s called ‘being positive,’ first year” is one of my favorite quotes from the episode.

Fatgum, amusingly gives no input whatsoever to this particular exchange, he just let’s this learning experience happen.

While I think bringing Kirishima in to help Amajiki open up was Fatgum’s primary intention, and given Kirishima’s strong sense of empathy it wasn’t even a bad decision... this is also a learning experience for Kirishima.

To be fair, his comment above wasn’t even that bad, just a bit naive.  Saying you understand how someone feels can be good in certain situations, but it’s a very delicate art even for adults.  It’s an understandable mistake for a kid, especially a kid who’s never known anyone who struggled with mental illness on the same level as Amajiki... and triple-so for a kid who himself has self-esteem problems but hasn’t internalized the fact that his own experience doesn’t directly translate to everyone else.

Although Kirishima’s tact is a bit rough around the edges at first, he is making a genuine effort to help and be a good friend to Amajiki in any way he can.  He’s using his existing skills in picking up on how other characters are feeling (something I will address in another meta) and tests them to the max when he’s even able to pick up on the fact that Amajiki got upset mid-fight because he took a certain word the wrong way.

Kirishima doesn’t outright belittle Amajiki for his feelings like Fatgum does, instead, especially by the end of the episode he’s being genuinely encouraging.  Kid learns fast.

Privilege has many layers

I think it’s important and also fascinating to address these dynamics in fiction because we can see how Kirishima’s experience with Quirk discrimination is valid while also seeing a bit of the other side of things.  Something about privilege few talk about is how people near the top can be victims to it’s systemic effect in many ways too, even if it would certainly be cringe af to compare their experience directly with someone near the bottom of society.

Another thing that even fewer people talk about is what can occur at the intersection of a privileged class and non-privileged group (”intersection” is a form of “intersectionality” in this sentence).  If we consider Kirishima’s lack of a “flashy” quirk as a metaphor for someone who has a mild disability irl... then his experience is very relatable for some disabled folks who end up in a privileged position in terms of social class or authority.

One of my professors once talked about how in his younger years he made the mistake of thinking he could understand the experience of all Latino academics just because he was Latino himself.  He was not corrected on this until he went to a conference in Latin America and was called out by a another Academic from a Latin American college (sorry I don’t remember the country).  My USA-born professor finally got a bit of a wake-up call then.

Being a technical minority in a position of privilege comes with it’s own unique experience and especially a need for unique lessons for us to be able to realize our full potential as someone who can use our privilege for good.

In terms of social class and/or functionality of one’s Quirk or disability, some of us are born into this partial privilege, some of us had to work for it... usually it’s some combination of both.  For those of us who worked hard and/or feel like we worked hard for our current place it’s very easy to forget we were born into a good portion of it as well, just as Kirishima has.

My Hero Academia already tackled these themes head-on through the anime’s main character: Midoriya

In the first season and especially during the Sports Festival Season 2 arc Midoriya was shown to be far more self-aware about his position in the world than Kirishima.  If anything, Midoriya is almost too hard on himself, since the Quirk he was given isn’t without it’s own drawbacks.  In some ways we could read Midoriya and Kirishima as foils in this regard.

For Kirishima to be characterized in the way he was in recent events without much fanfare is an interesting narrative choice which allows viewers to come to their own conclusions.  Perhaps some viewers won’t pick up on it until they re-watch the anime years from now (or until they read this post lol).  Portraying societal flaws without endorsing them in this incredibly subtle and nuanced way is one of My Hero Academia’s strengths in my opinion.

Edit: Edited for clarity, punctuation and consistency but I promise I’m done with it now lol.