#if i haven't it's from the depression
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skinny shaming is still body shaming!!
i'm tired of people thinking it's okay to make fun of and make comments towards people just because they are closer to societal beauty standards. Everyone forgets that, as with any body type:
were born with this body type
it's not actually about how much we eat
no, just a bit more exercise isn't going to do it
commenting about our body shape isn't edifying, it's demeaning
calling anyone names doesn't make them feel good
the people who weren't born with this body type, most likely have another issue, and should be cared for, supported, and not further made to feel awful about themselves
i'm not trying to put myself on the same level as heavyset people that experience bodyshaming, i'm saying that it is just as okay to make fun of someone who is overweight, as it is someone who is underweight which is to say
it's not.
us thinfolk have grown a tolerance to it and we usually like to embrace it, because if we don't, we realize that everyone is just having fun at our expense. My entire psyche is based around this value of
"if i don't join in on making fun of me, i'm going to get more hurt."
i personally don't really care about getting made fun of anymore, because i was made to turn it into being a resident sad funny man, but you should all know that i was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and it largely stems from this issue.
People are people. Don't be a dick.
#bodypositivity#body image#bodyshaming is fucked up#please stop asking if i've eaten today#if i haven't it's from the depression#you're the fifth person today that's said#somebody get this kid a sandwich#you're hilarious :|#this needs to be said more#but no one wants to listen to people they think somehow look better#skinny bone jones#was literally the nickname my mom gave me#my gf says i make minecraft skeleton noises in bed and this is funny#as with any jokes#some are okay#some are not#don't cross the line#next post i'm only going to use hashtags#i don't care about my own post visibility but someone blaze this so more people get the message
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Huzzah! It's birthday time! I'm slowly accumulating more and more things I like (latest additions this vest I made and a travel typewriter! Still need to fix the latter one though)
Sure has been a year.
#terri#niart#got my wisdom toofies out#well 2 out of 4#still got stitches#idk if this removal lowkey fixed my fear of the dentist?#it was so easy and painless#also finally i'm on anxiety meds jkahsdjash#i also got depression meds but i haven't tested them yet#I'm going to see the love of my life soon again!!!#only 2 more months to go....#i've also finally found awesome friends who don't make me feel like i'm insane for wanting to be cared for#the difference is like night and day#old friends saying hey let's surprise another friend of ours oh also i think it's your birthday on that day#new friends reminding me to pick a brunch place for us to go on my special day#i am sobbing#the right people are out there#don't lose hope#i've never felt this platonically loved honestly#also yes i'm working on the next dragon's lair aksjdhasjkd#just#a lot of things happening and i'm sooo burnt out#this piece was such a strain and i just#don't have patience for art rn#this is photobashed btw there's an actual photo of my typewriter under all those layers#i'm not about to spend 300 hours just to draw a typewriter from this angle kajshdjkasdh#ALSO ONE MORE THING CAN I JUST GUSH ABOUT THE ANASTASIA BROADWAY OKAY?!?!?!#I didn't realise until now that they made it way more historically inspired and i mean bruh BRUH#i have been having a recording of it playing on the background nonstop for like 3 days now#Vladimir Popov I want to inject you straight into my veins holy shit he is a perfect man
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birthday boy 🎂
#river dipping#theodore doe#matthias evanoff#a burning house to live in#echthroi#ts4#ts4 edit#simblr#ts4 screenshots#theo i hope you're having the most insane birthday sex rn i hope it's ******** and ***** and ***'** **** *** **** ***** :)<3#sorry i put off making your birthday edit for so long that i had to pivot and post this edit instead of the one i wanted </3#...very funny how similar this is to that LAST render i posted... well so WHAT!! if i think matthias looming is sexy!!#this is based on a photo that everyone was drawing their ocs as so really it's not MY fault he's back there clinging and being a freak#actually if y'all want this pose lmk... i'll share it but fyi it's only meant to be seen from the waist up and idk how it'd look#on a sim that doesn't have the same muscle mass and like. bulk. that matthias has......................................#just got rock hard after typing that... anyway.#HAPPY BIRTHDAY THEO <333333333 LOVE YOU SO MUCH I PROMISE I'M GONNA KEEP WORKING ON THE //ACTUAL// BIRTHDAY EDIT!! like .#posted abt this on the sideblog but the real edit i have planned for him is making me lose my fucking gourd#and it'll probably take me :))) a few more days to figure out#expect a depressing theo-as-a-teenager edit eventually tho. with writing!! accompanying it!!#matthias's face has changed again btw 😭 i redid it almost immediately after i posted that first render attempt so he looks DIFFERENT!!#i posted screenshots of him in cas just the other day on my other acc and he looks so good in them i might post them here too#oh and!! this edit looks massively different than my last because this screenshot was taken with a new preset i made specifically for#the real birthday edit i'm working on... it's a hallway scene so i figured out depth and density to get this really cool fog effect#i'm really excited for it!! in my head the way it looks makes me crazy but idk if i can pull it off properly. but like i WAS SAYING!!#new preset is sooo sexy after i post this i'll reblog with the before and after to show you how good it looks even w/o any editing#like. the colors....... literally have always wanted a preset like this i'm so glad i spent yesterday fucking around with it#ALSO!! i've been doing those oc/ship dynamic templates for fun recently so i might post a few of them here soon#realize i'm rambling so much in these tags bc i haven't been here in forever kfjnkfjhn ummmmm. let me stop.#EVERYONE WISH THEO HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIGHT NOW 🫵‼
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Note for someone to turn into a story: one way to give the middle generation/s on a generation ship a purpose in life, aside from "raise the children whose children will eventually land on the colony world," could be as creators of art and story. Music too.
Just imagine: you have your whole life ahead of you with all the training and materials of this vast spaceship at your disposal, and all of society plans to revere the creative masterpieces you and your peers come up with.
No pressure.
But yes possibility.
#somebody write about that#I haven't heard this story before#generation ships#they always feel like such a depressing concept#because nobody ever plans anything for the middle generations to DO#but what if they were the Shakespeares#the Rennaissance artists#the ones able to create a vast body of work over their lifespans#the best of which would become required reading in schools#for centuries to come#it wouldn't be hard to arrange#a few regular contests for quality#a good system for recording and preserving#and the leadership makes the best readily available to society#bingo bango you've got some new classics#to go along with the old ones from humanity's original home world#wouldn't that be something#writing prompts#in spaaace
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Don't you think I look pretty curled up on this bathroom floor?
#when I had the idea for this drawing it was about overcomig/living in spite of mental illness#mainly depression#However#while sketching I started to feel a weird nostalgia for all the nights I did spend on the bathroom floor utterly powerless#hopeless#This sinking pit of sadness in my stomach#that can't quite be described#that is always on the brink of consuming you#truly and fully#That drains the world of all it's color and drops you into a sea of uncertainty from which you can't quite escape#but that you also won't fully drown in#Endlessly suspended in a state of unbreathing but still alive#I haven't had a night like that in a while#If you do know that you are not alone and these nights too will pass.#I copied the text I wrote on instagram I hope that is okay#drawing perspective oof#illustration#art#self portrait#procreate#vent art#overcoming depression#the amazing devil lyrics#personal art
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i saw you mentioned that killua has an addictive personality. would u write more on that topic? i agree with you but i dont know how to articulate it for myself hah
I could point to the obvious thing, the chocrobos and sweets in general. Sugar is addictive in real life but like which all such substances some are more vulnerable to them than others. And Killua seems to have developed a chocolate habit.
But I think his tendency towards gambling is far more telling.
Killua loves rivalry, he loves competitions and he will try to gamify stuff he does with Gon. But at least in their competitions with each other Gon can work as a safety valve because he's also obsessive and self destructive and Killua's care for Gon would curb his risk addiction. That and the fact that with Gon they get into really life threatening situations and the self-preservation Killua's family forced into him, kicks in too.
But when the stakes are not life threatening, when it's money... Killua can't handle money. He loses all of their Heaven's Arena winnings on internet auctions. Then Bisky has to drag him away from the slot machines in Greed Island.
When there's no threat to his or Gon's safety, Killua has absolutely no breaks and because Gon leans on him for the planning and for knowledge about the world, considering Gon's much more sheltered childhood, Killua's on his own to control himself and he absolutely can't.
Maybe needing to provide for Alluka will also work as a decent safety valve for the gambling. Maybe he will be more careful with the money he needs for her.
But I don't think he sees that he has this problem. He's always been rich and capable to make quick and easy money. He's also capable of roughing it for a while, and Gon was too. But I doubt he'd want to put Alluka in that situation. Maybe being with her will make him realise he needs to work on this.
#hxh#hunter x hunter#killua zoldyck#answering asks#thank you for the ask <3#i haven't been writing about hxh much recently#it's interesting to do#sorry it took me so long#i've been really having a horrible time for the last few months#and there seems to be no end in sight#it's kinda getting progressively worse and more depressing#i'll get to all the asks#my brain just barely works from stress most of the time and i can barely sleep which makes it much worse
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"[Fitzjames'] public demeanor, which was always an easy mix of self-effacing humor and firm command, remained the same, but in private with only Crozier in attendance, Fitzjames spoke less, smiled less frequently, and too often looked distracted and miserable. For a melancholy man like Crozier, the signs were obvious. At times it was like staring into a looking glass, except for the fact that the melancholy countenance staring back was a proper lisping English gentleman rather than an Irish nobody."
The Terror, Dan Simmons
#The Terror#James Fitzjames#Crozier#Simmons' writing is so good but I'm mildly obsessed with this passage in particular#the intimacy of Fitzjames letting his guard down in front of Crozier and only Crozier#the concept of them as mirrors of one another#but it's only shown when the veneer of a “”“proper”“” Englishman is stripped away#which of course Fitzjames isn't (if the original novel follows the show - haven't gotten that far yet)#so they're both outsiders to the Empire they're perpetuating#but Crozier doesn't *know* that#so instead of relating to Fitzjames or trying to help him it just feeds his self-loathing as an “Irish nobody”#the whole description perpetuates the idea#that it's the Artic that is doing this to them rather than an innate sickness#we're blurring the lines between colonizing as metaphorical sickness and depression as a mental sickness#and the real sicknesses they're suffering from their own hubris + bringing along to a vulnerable population#IDK I GOT A JUMBLE OF THOUGHTS#none of which are coherent like the lovely meta others have done on this show#but this passage ~resonates~
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YO-TOBER DAY 10....A DAY LATE: PISTACHIONYAN
....Plus a little message!
(The Rongo Swirll was an idea from a friend aidjoekf)
But anyways, just gonna say that as much as I wanna, I'm not gonna have time to do it every day as I'm sure you've noticed (* ´ ▽ ` *)ノ thank you for your understanding!!
Under cut there'll be the usual alt as well as a small doodle dump!! ^u^
Alt + sketches for my favorite day of yo-tober so far 💔 I love the Tough Tribe!!!
Heres this little shading practice I'm kinda proud of! I had fun drawing the eye :)
A LOT of squid stuff.....and I still have more. I'll post them on SpaceHey tho!! (@squ1dcurry btw -u-) one of those is a goofy different outfit inspired by the puni puni event fit + his original!
And timidevil!!! He's a cutie pie ^u^
anyways, I'll be off for now!
#I know it doesn't matter that much but I was really hoping I'd be able to do this one#I just feel kinda guilty bout it i suppose. plus i haven't been having time to/even if I do kinda ignoring my messages#Ghhhghthghjgf sorry for the random vent here basically! It's been a bit more of a struggle than usual w depression but I'll push through +□#if I don't really interact with other's posts for a while#I've been staying off social media except when I post stuff!#If you want me to see something in particular it's best to tag me wahaha#Anyways enough yapping ahdioeof see you next time!!#●posts from yomakai#□ yolo watch 2!#yokai watch#Yo-tober#Yotober#pistachionyan
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Having depression is inherently depressing.
That is – when every tiny task is utterly exhausting, it's pretty frustrating. When you once weren't exhausted by these tasks – when you know you used to be someone else – that's downright devastating. When you're wondering whether you're going to get that energy back and not knowing, that's also exhausting.
When you are feeling inherently more stupid because depression has cognitively ruined you, that's embarrassing and confusing and so upsetting. When you are unsure whether you will ever get your old cognition back, that's terrifying. When you do not, in fact, ever return to pre-depression baseline, that's just exhausting.
When you are numb, trying to go through the motions of happiness; sadness; fear; frustration; and phatic interest is so, so tiring. When you cannot effectively perform these emotion states, it is embarrassing and isolating.
When you are too tired and too numb to be social, you are alone.
'What do you have to be depressed about?' Well, this disease is inherently giving me something to be depressed about. And it's very easy to want to cling to that, because at least it's an answer.
And frankly, I think folks who haven't gone through depression may not understand that oftentimes, recovery from a bad episode is kinda piecemeal. My cognition, my disposition, and my capacity for optimism are all substantially altered from where they were pre–depression. I cannot take the person I used to be for granted, and I cannot take the beliefs I used to hold as gospel. Even when I'm not depressed, depression has altered most parts of my life and thoroughly warped my sense of self. I cannot safely believe in baseline happiness at this point.
I'm not saying this to complain, but to make a point. Depression alters your life in ways that, even outside of a depressive episode, give you things to be depressed about. It can completely ruin your sense of who you are, what your world is, and what your future holds. It makes it that much more tempting to believe in the depression narrative of loneliness and helplessness, and it makes those narratives subjectively very real. All of this makes the depression (should it return) and its consequences (however monumentally they've carved into your life) so much harder to deal with.
#i'm ok rn. however now that i'm on sertraline i think i reserve my right to rant#there is a pre-depression dorian and a post-depression dorian#cognitively and energy-wise i still haven't recovered from 2022. i'm doing way better than i was but baseline is not the same#and when i go low my brain jumps right into a trashcan and my whole body gets heavy with exhaustion and apathy#and it's scary. cause i don't wanna go back to that place i was in in 2022#anyways. this post is for anyone who's every had to justify why they were depressed#depression#major depression#major depressive disorder#persistent depressive disorder#dysthymia#mood disorders#mental health
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[voice cracking with emotion] she's just like me
#MAN!!! dean's depressed and he gets to monologue abt it several times to sam and billie and have sam check in on him and offer him a million#little kindnesses as a distraction#sam's depressed and the viewer needs to piece it together from mostly just his facial expressions#tbf they might drag it out into the open later but if the show's track record is any indication it'll be a footnote#there's a subtle little moment in 13.06 that i haven't stopped thinking about. might elaborate later depending on whether the show does#spn#liveblog tag#13.11
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Oh.
If you ever wanted to know what Yonny looks like when he's falling asleep/sleeping, the comic's got you covered.
(Source)
#pikmin#yonny#yonny pikmin#pikmin comic#no sir. i don't like that.#personal updates: i've been severely depressed (again). it started about 3 days ago#i dunno where it came from. (well it's because it's June but i didn't think it was gonna be THIS bad)#i was feeling pretty good when i was making the character refs#then BANG. Max depression. It's made me play ACNH like mad again to lose myself in it.#but even then i feel anxiety while i play it. i haven't even really checked tumblr in days#i'm trying to pull myself back together#but i still feel pretty terrible#and i don't know when or if it's gonna get better#anyway. since i've been playing so much on my switch lately#i've noticed that almost all my switch friends are playing the TTYD remake#how are y'all liking it?
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Was it worth the wait?
#mlp#my little pony#pride#LGBT#pony#art#drawing#digital art#mlp art#mlp oc#oc#lesbian pony#hormse#god I'm tired#I hope you people like this one; I haven't drawn in awhile.#just sorta been too depressed. drawing a lot in the past few days tho.#might post them; might not. depends on if anyone likes this drawing ig.#pony oc#mild eyestrain?#the original idea cane from pony town actually; so that's neat.
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Pictured: Ruby and Jaune being two kinds of Not Okay
#ruby: i've become so numb i can't feel you there i've become so tired so much more aware#jaune: would a depressed person?? make a list of things they need to do in order stop a village from committing mass suicide??#and then name the residents after their friends who they haven't seen in years?? anyway can't wait for you guys to meet neptune hehe :)#rwby#rwby v9#rwby v9 spoilers#rwby spoilers#ruby rose#jaune arc#mettys posts#metty posts#tw suicide mention#in the tags but still
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Further sketching followup of this post . Realized that Croissant in this situation should absolutely have lost an eye bc duh . Also she just looks too weird with long sleeves so weird vest thing go. And I wanted to try to stick to something close to Loop with tk but I had to give them pants the pants are too important to the tk shape. Sorry
#my art#Isat au#Timekeeper cookie#Croissant cookie#Time cookie tag#I've decided that character tags are less intrusive then plain main tagging#Anyway that first doodle was supposed to exorcise the idea from my brain but I think I accidentally fed it#Also I haven't looked at a single reference this whole time so if anything looks weird it's bc of my beautiful mind#Honestly I'm not too opposed to trying to flesh this out its just that the only cookies I've truly cared about#Are these two. What would I even do with the rest of the cast .#Like I can line them up close enough but it feels ingenious to just slot them in to the closest match#I did way too much time travel and all I got was they/them pronouns and even worse depression#- loop and tk applicable sentence that I thought. Ahhh
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morrigan........
#still can't find it in myself to care about the ancient elven gods plotline at all like even a little bit but well ok my wife is there#idk i'm neither hype nor unhype#i like the companions#bummed about it going full action combat#looks like an all right game i'm probably not quite the target audience for#haven't been datv posting bc i'm struggling to come up with much of a reaction tbh#but then we are deep deep deep mid-depressive episode#banning myself from forming dragon age opinions until i get back on meds u_u
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Happy Mother's Day!
#random#NS: WaltDewott#NS: ???Samurott#feat. other's of mine#/ idk what I should do with rimi's parents but every time I draw one of them it gets redesigned#/ also is walt's mom is from nate or may's side?#/ we'll see...#/ also a bit depressing joëlle sequence because she haven't see her mom since she was kicked out#/ also I'm using houndoom's og shiny colors for her#/ ...and dot eyes are barely visible lmao
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