#if i go through it

[monochromaticwriting]

Me? Venting through Gabriel? Nah...

Gabriel watched the scene in the home through the eyes of his rats. Trevor, Victor, Victor's family, the Belnades, Toymaker, and Chupacabra were all under the same roof, causing a ruckus. He often dreamed of this scenario, as a child, laying awake in the bed in the Brotherhood orphanage. A large family, busting the house from the seams. But.... He couldn't feel happy. He felt next to nothing.

These people shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be here. He was a shadow looking over their happiness. The scars he's given most of the people here will never fully fade. Toymaker flinches if he raises his voice. Chupacabra flinches when his fist is raised. Trevor reaches instinctively for his sword when Gabriel is even remotely tapped into his power. The humans would rather not interact with him one-on-one, and avoid him as a whole, unless Victor or Trevor is there.

Why does his chest hurt? He thought, laying on the stone floor.

He watches the scene further, scurrying to a new watching spot. He can see some of the Belnades kids play wrestling with the Belmont kids. These kids were so carefree. He wished to join them, show them that he wasn't a threat to them. But he stopped himself. He would only hurt them in the end. They knew, even at their young age to never trust a being of darkness like him.

Oh, he trembles in the cold of the room. The pain was bad.

He moves again, this time watching Toymaker do puppet shows with the youngest children. Gabriel had not given this man so much as a second thought when he was still a lord. Even now, Toymaker was scared and nervous to be around him, watching his words as to not anger his former master. Gabriel knew he would never be truly invited to one of these shows. He was fine with that. It was only a little bit he could do, to pay back for everything he put Toymaker under.

He gasps and reaches for his chest. Oh it hurts so much.

He watched the Chupacabra teleport around, causing small mischief. He felt awful for locking the creature up for so long. Nothing as free as the Chupacabra deserves that type of punishment, no matter what it did to him. He left holy relics around for it to 'Discover'. It was small, but it was penance for what he had done to the creature in the past. Yes it was annoying, but it was a simple being, that only wanted to play with him. It knew he was immortal, like it was, so of course it would come to Gabriel. It desired companionship. Just as he had. Yet all he did was abuse it, and punish it for simply existing. He did not deserve its forgiveness.

He started clawing at his chest. This beating heart did not belong to him.

He stepped over to Trevor's and Victor's spot. He was listening, only partially, to them. His rat eyes were trained into the spot where he had staked Trevor. He ripped his son's humanity from him. Hell, he killed Sypha! What man killed his son's wife? Gabriel deserved every drop of venom and hatred from Simon and Trevor. He deserved to be sealed away. He deserved this tortured existence. Trevor is innocent. Trevor deserved to have lived a full life with Sypha, and maybe he would've given Simon some siblings. Gabriel often wondered if Trevor had a similar dream of having a large family, as Gabriel had.

He could feel the skin and meat and muscle give way under his claws, but he was nowhere close to the beating.

He looked over at Victor. This man nearly died because of him. He brought an innocent man into his fight. A man who had a family. How he found it inside him to forgive a wretch like Gabriel, he never could understand. Gabriel had waited for Trevor and Victor to seal him away. To put a permanent end to Dracul. To Gabriel. But they didn't, they let him live. Allowed him to exist within the families they had made.

Marie was there... His love. His life. His heart. She was laughing alongside Victor's partner, her laugh still as beautiful as he always remembered it being. He wants to go over to her and hug her. To ensure she was actually alive and not another hopeless illusion. Illusion? Or hallucination? He didn't know the difference. The yearning inside him begged him to go over and hold her. To remember that war was over and he could finally rest. But it wasn't that easy. His eyes looked at her gown. Back when he was human, he would have never thought twice about the collar on her gown, and how far it came up. But they weren't human, and haven't been in a long time. She only wore them to cover up her scar when he had beheaded her.

Flesh and blood and bile covered the stones beneath him. This wasn't his skin, his blood, his bones. This wasn't his heart inside him. It beat with an unnatural speed and rhythm. It wasn't his, wasn't his, wasn't his, wasn't his, wasn't-

Dracul ran from the scene, he needed air. He needed space. He traveled to the upper layers of the strange building Zobek had made of his once beloved Castle.

Beloved? No. That Castle hurt him-

The Castle loved Dracul in the way he deserved to be loved. He deserved everything the Castle did. It protected him. It loved him, loved him. We love you, my Prince. Please come back to us. We are your true family.

He never told them that the voices of the Castle never truly left. It served as reminder at just how temporary this living arrangement was. This happiness was temporary, but its love was forever, and it would follow Dracul anywhere to stay with him and only him.

Dracul's skin itched. It wasn't his. This wasn't his skin. It was a punishment. He needed the itching to stop!

As soon as he got to the upper level, Dracul left the rats and started scratching his skin. His nails effortlessly dug into his chest. His neck. His abdomen. He dug and dug until he no longer felt the itch. Flesh and muscle and tissue made a grotesque portrait on the floor.

Dracul breathed in deeply when the itching stopped. The heart was still beating. His heart? He didn't have a heart. With a growl, he forces his heart to stop. It had no right to beat

"No. No, no, no." His eyes widen. He failed. He failed Trevor again. His body burned as it repaired itself. His face burned as his tears dripped down. In his right mind, he knew he needed to tell Trevor about this, but in his current state, he didn't want to burden his son more than he already had.

But as he was cleaning up the mess, Trevor came in with a knowing look on his face. He took the supplies and ushers Dracul to sit in an arm chair. He didn't fight his son, there was no point. Trevor was just like his mother. Once his mind was set on something, he would stubbornly see it through.

"Father, you're like that too." Trevor's voice startled Dracul. Oh, right. The telepathic bond they shared. That's how Trevor knew.

"I'm sorry... You and Marie shouldn't have to take care of me." Dracul says softly instead. That made Trevor pause, so Dracul continues, "I broke the promise I made to not hurt myself anymore, and now you're sitting here cleaning up my mess."

"Father, it's no big deal-"

He pauses to angrily rub away at his tears. Why was he crying?! He was Dracul! Prince of Darkness! Dracul doesn't cry!

"But it is!" Dracul was quick to interrupt Trevor. "I hurt so many people here, and instead of hurting me in return, they forgave me! Despite everything I've done to try and prove myself a valuable ally, they still don't trust me! They reek of fear and disgust when I step into the room!" Once the words and tears started, Dracul couldn't stop them, "I am a monster Trevor! Toymaker and Chupacabra are still scared of me! Victor's family still shy away from me when I try to interact with them! You and Marie freeze up when I lift my hands! I don't fit in with the human population and have to be locked away in the house just to avoid harm to your reputation, because I can't go even a month without tearing myself apart!"

"Gabriel does." When did Trevor get close enough to grip his hands? "Gabriel is scared and lost and confused. He doesn't know what's going on in a world that continued without him." Dracul couldn't look at Trevor. His son deserved so much better. His wife deserved better. Everyone in this building deserved better.

"And you don't? Do you not think you deserve better than what had been forced upon you?" Trevor asks. Dracul's silence was telling. Trevor sighs, "father. You deserved better."

Gabriel hugs his son. He couldn't stop himself, everything felt like it was crashing down on him.

"Trevor, I would never hurt you and Marie."

"I know father. We both know."

"I never wanted to hurt either of you to begin with."

"We know. I love you father."

Gabriel pauses. Trevor had never told him... "You... You love me? Despite everything I've done to you?"

Trevor chuckles and nods, "yes, I love you father. Forgive me for how long it took me to say it." Gabriel grips him tighter.

"I love you too Trevor." He says back. Marie's perfume filled the room suddenly. It smelt like sweet peas and peonies. She said nothing as she stepped into the room and over to the men in the chair. Wrapping her arms around both of their heads, she pulls them close and hugs them.

"Victor was asking about both of you, so I came up to check-in." She explains before they could ask her anything. Trevor eventually moved away from the hug, and politely excused himself, leaving his parents to talk with each other.

"Marie, i-." She quickly cuts him off with a kiss. A kiss that felt like forgiveness.

"My love," She starts as she pulls away, "I know. I heard the tail end of what you said." She holds his face in her hands. Her hands were calloused from her needlework, but they were so comforting for him. "I love you. I love you so much. You have no idea how much I blame myself for everything that happened. My decision to give up Trevor to Volpe was the catalyst to everything. But here we are. We get a second chance for the life we were denied. I don't know the full extent of what happened to you on Earth... But I know enough."

Oh...Oh...

He couldn't get words out as tears flowed again. She had seen what the Castle had done to him.

"And you still love me?"

"With every fiber of my being."

They held each other for a while longer, both of them shedding tears that they had held back originally.

Eventually, they calmed down. With some soft words, Gabriel stands up from the chair, and lets Marie lead him back to the chaos downstairs. As he gets down the stairs, he can see how the little ones get excited to see him. He gets one moment to squeeze Marie's hand, before getting surrounded by the younger kids. Marie lets go of his hand, only for the kids to eagerly lead him to the area David was doing his puppet shows.

Everything was going to be fine. He was healing, and he was loved. Gabriel finally had the family he always dreamed of.

[slafkovskys]

your writing got me into Nolan Moyle many moons ago and im absolutely eating up this girl dad Nolan concept, its so cute ☺️💖

love these type of asks

[bookwyrminspiration]

I can behave normally around books

[yardsards]

but i stay silly! *←said in the most world-weary voice you ever did hear*

[ghirahimbo]

starting a compilation of my favorite "no thank you" buttons from when they want you to subscribe so bad

[gemsandjunk]

the two types of billford content

[muffinlance]

My baby daughter got her adorable puffin-print dress absolutely CAKED in mud crawling around the yard and my first thought was "oh no her beautiful dress"

And my second thought was "oh huh it really WOULD be easy to unconsciously steer her away from playing in the dirt. Unlike my son, whose outfits are usually some kind of solid dark easily washed pants plus a shirt that doesn't trail in the dirt like a dress does."

Anyway something something gender roles start getting shoved on kids from literal birth, but with a little time to think about things, YOU TOO can let your children of any gender absolutely destroy their clothes in the dirt pit they're digging in your garden

[shadow-queens-blog]

hey does this make sense? am i reaching?

[lazylittledragon]

can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024

[strangeracrossthestreet]

@mariyyum twitter post: Recipes that have been passed down to me by my Palestinian mother 🇵🇸, and I've had the honor of sharing them with all of you. #freepalestine

1: Cheese Manakeesh (cheese pies)

2: Homemade Hummus w/ chicken koufta

3: Msakhan (the National dish of Palestine)

4: Sfeeha (meet pies)

Follow her on: twitter instagram youtube tiktok and her own blog for more.

[cashmere-caveman]

[enfinizatics]

dear americans,

as a polish queer woman and human rights activist, i know exactly how you're feeling right now and what to expect from these elections. i lived through the 2015-2023 regime of pis, a right-wing populist party that divided families in the same way trump did. i’ve experienced the rise of fascism in poland, the influence of far-right parties like konfederacja, and their “santa’s little helpers”—ordo iuris, an ultra-conservative catholic organization (banned in many countries, mind you) that helped enforce a near-total abortion ban and runs anti-queer campaigns in public spaces. i supported the black protests in 2016 as a middle schooler when they first tried to ban abortion. as an adult, i actively participated in the 2020 women’s strike, running from police tear gas daily after they finally passed the ban. i supported friends who faced charges.

i’ve lived through intense homophobia in poland as a queer teen and adult. i survived the first pride march in my hometown, where far-right extremists threw stones and glass at us. i endured the anti-queer propaganda spread by the ruling party in state-owned media. i survived the “rainbow night,” poland’s own stonewall moment in summer 2020, when police arrested around 50 queer activists following the arrest of margo, a nonbinary activist. i survived the "lgbt-free zones," the targeted violence, the slurs from strangers on the street, and the protests i held against queerphobia. it was hard as fuck, but i survived.

but just because i survived, it doesn’t mean others did. many women died because of the abortion ban—marta, justyna, izabela, dorota, joanna, maria, and many others who didn’t survive pis’s draconian anti-abortion laws. milo, kacper, michał, zuzia (she was 12), wiktor, and other queer and trans kids and young adults took their own lives because of the relentless queerphobia.

despite all of this, our experience in poland can serve as a guide now. here are some tips for staying safe and how we, polish queers and women, organized under the regime:

safety first, always. if you know someone who’s had an abortion, no you don’t. if you know someone is trans, no you don’t. if you know people who help with safe abortions, no you don’t—at least not until you know it’s 100% safe to share. if you are queer or have had an abortion, only share this with people you trust fully. most importantly, not everyone has to be an activist just because they’re part of a minority. if it feels unsafe to share that you're queer, trans, etc., then don’t. it doesn’t make you any less queer.

use secure, encrypted messaging like signal for conversations on potentially risky topics, such as queerness, abortion, organizing counter-actions, protests—anything that might be used against you.

stay anonymous online. if you want to research or report something without surveillance, do not use regular internet. get a vpn (mullvad is affordable and reliable), download the tor browser (for both onion and standard links), and if you plan to whistleblow, consider using a riseup email account.

organize and build networks. community is everything now. support each other, foster independence, because your government won’t have your back. set up collectives, grassroots movements. create lists of trusted professionals—lawyers, doctors, etc.—who can offer support.

to lawyers and doctors: please consider pro-bono work. this is what got us through poland’s hardest times. your work will be needed now more than ever.

for protests or risky actions: always write a pro-bono lawyer’s number on your arm with a permanent marker.

get to know the anarchist black cross federation and other resources on safety culture: "Starting an anarchist black cross group: A guide"; Still We Rise - A resource pack for transgender and non-gender conforming people in prison; Safe OUTside the system by the Audre Lorde Project;

for safe abortion info or involvement: get familiar with womenhelpwomen.

stay radical, stay strong, stay informed: The Anarchist Library

if i forgot to (or didn't) include something, don't hesitate to reblog this post with other resources.

[slafkovskys]

not you making me fall in love with cutter 🥹

was that my plan? no

am i sorry? no

[lemon-lace]

Watching my first watch through of SPN ever. I’m on season 9 and as someone who has been on tumblr since ancient times but didn’t actually get in to it, I think everyone DOWNPLAYED how crazy Destiel is. How did veterans survive that….. It’s just. What. What am I watching. Why does Deans voice get SOFT when he talks to Cas particularly??? Why did Dean ditch Sam to watch Cas at the supermarket???? I think because of the meme I was convinced it was cas who was the one obviously in love but. No. It’s Dean. And it’s embarrassing for him. This is crazy but Destiel fans weren’t crazy y’all were on to something all this time…..

[clownsuu]

God I love the insane amounts of d r i p Stanley just casually wears

[stickyvoidpaper]

Dick : Jasons been more, relaxed lately. It's unsettling.

Tim : Yeah, I've started spiking his water with mood stabilizers.

Dick : What

Tim : I've been thinking of doing it to the wider gotham water supply. Think about the crime rates.