#Live-blogging as I watch. I don’t know why I haven’t posted my thoughts yet but here they are

[lemon-lace]

Watching my first watch through of SPN ever. I’m on season 9 and as someone who has been on tumblr since ancient times but didn’t actually get in to it, I think everyone DOWNPLAYED how crazy Destiel is. How did veterans survive that….. It’s just. What. What am I watching. Why does Deans voice get SOFT when he talks to Cas particularly??? Why did Dean ditch Sam to watch Cas at the supermarket???? I think because of the meme I was convinced it was cas who was the one obviously in love but. No. It’s Dean. And it’s embarrassing for him. This is crazy but Destiel fans weren’t crazy y’all were on to something all this time…..

[gothcsz]

𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 — made by yours truly 🖤

hiiii 🖤 alright you guys, i’m just gonna go ahead and say that i haven’t been in this fandom for long… like at all (five months give or take… she’s just a baby!) so i don’t have many works yet, but @jolapeno was kind enough to tag me in this amazing idea of hers, so i had to jump on it! it’s hard for me to compliment myself, and the imposter syndrome do be kicking my ass when i see/read all the beautiful fics that get written and posted (for free, mind you) on the daily—but i will say i haven’t had this much fun in fandom in so long, so for that, i thank all of you for making my experience so nice 🖤 on top of participating in this self lovin’ tootathon, i have also just hit a follower milestone that genuinely brings tears to my eyes! who would have thought that me thirsting over my favorite fictional man would bring so many readers, friends, and overall cool people my way? not me, that’s for sure! i’ve definitely grown as a writer in the small time that i’ve been here and have completely fallen in love with this hobby again, all thanks to the support from each and every single one of you. i appreciate you guys more than you know 🖤 (oh brother, she’s crying again. she being me) anywho, enough yapping, here’s a few of my faves from this year (these past 5 months) and why i love ‘em so much

𝒇𝒂𝒏𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒔 (they're not finished i knowww sorryyyyy but my god do i love them all) :

thoroughfare — i say this all the time but fuck, dude, this fic is the reason i even decided to start posting my writing in this fandom. it's based off this story i wrote almost two years ago and everything about it is so near and dear to my heart. the horror/thriller aspect of it, my side characters, the world building, javier and paloma's relationship, javier's entire characterization... *sighs lovingly* my beloved readers, you guys are literally so strong and have an extra special place in my heart for enjoying this story because i know it's kinda niche and not for everyone so, thank you for supporting your girl 🥹

fantasize — point me in the direction of a bigger ariana grande stan than me... right, right.... you can't! literally saw the music video for the boy is mine and immediately had to javier peña–fy it, lmfao! it was fun switching the roles and having the reader do the stalking and lying. these two freaks make my clit throb and i love their dynamic so. fucking. much. so hot! IS SOMEBODY GONNA MATCH MY FREAK? IS SOMEBODY GONNA MATCH MY NASTY? so glad gatita finally got that ring 💍

unscripted desire — 😏 this fic put me on the map, lowkey, so for that i am forever grateful! what started off as a silly little prompt has now turned into a full blown fic that, to me personally, gives off major rom com vibes, aha. i think reader here is my absolute fave because she's so stubborn and just a badass! sometimes i feel like javi is a little too ooc but then i read everyone's comments and i'm like okay nvm i'm just in my head 🖤

neighbors series — this one right here is amazing because of how collaborative it is between myself and my anons/readers like every time i get a prompt/idea for it in my inbox, i literally lose my mind because it's so good. the yearning, the angst, the drama... bro, i compare it in my head to euphoria s2 and how everyone was watching the new episodes every sunday, live tweeting/blogging what was happening and having discourse around it. that's how i feel every time i post for our neighbors, i literally love interacting with all of you! this is our novela fr

𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒔 / 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒔 :

𝐈𝐈𝐈. i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about fucking/dating modern day marcus acacius and lucius verus. that is all. I LOVE THIS FIC SO BAD POSSIBLY MY BEST WRITING TO DATE. okay, sorry for the caps, i just had to say that lol

husband!javier peña seducing you at the bar pretending to be a stranger 🙂‍↕️

purgatory aka my threesome fantasy. i love women, halloween, and javier peña so this is just super indulgent for myself, hehe

worst behavior. something about javier peña being a secret service agent just really did it for me, i fear. plus, it was my first time participating in a writing challenge on here so consider that cherry popped!

javier peña has a panty kink. that is all.

once upon a time kat wrote for joel miller and there are times were i reread this and think 'wow, the things i'd do to have joel fuck me at a national park'

𝒎𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒃𝒐𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔 / 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒍 𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒔 :

being a secretary for javier peña and teasing the fuck out of him 🖤

a little webweaving-esque edit for neighbor!javi that i stare at all the time tbh

oh to be a black girl dating javier peña! there's a lot to be said about representation in fandom spaces in general, so to that i had to make something for my fellow black girls who might not feel very seen around here! i do plan on making more, and i love how romantic this moodboard came out

general moodboard for my fic thoroughfare that i think encapsulates the vibes pretty well, hehe

chapter eight moodboard for thoroughfare. i'm so in love with them

chapter nine moodboard for thoroughfare. the angst! the visuals are exactly what was in my head while writing it

western nights edit for thoroughfare. this song within the context of the fic is just chef's kiss! i love the photos i used here

𝒇𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒔 :

mis primas (gn), that's what you all are to me! i really wish i could tag each follower i have, each anon that's sent me fucking gold in my inbox, but alas i can't; so here are some of the people that make my heart go boom boom boom every time i see them in my notes or just people that i admire from afar 🖤 also consider this a tag to do this if you're a writer!

@almostempty , @auteurdelabre , @persephone-girl , @correapunk , @littlefruitbowl , @dontlookatme121 , @thundermartini , @joelmillerisapunk , @almostfoxglove , @la-vie-est-une-fleur29 , @prose-before-hoes , @letsmeetintheafterglow , @yxtkiwiyxt , @ovaryacted , @bambisweethearts , @thereaperisabitch , @probablyreadinsmut , @itwasntimethatdidit40 , @pedgito , @joelsrose , @sanarsi , @maiamore , @penascigarette , @theetherealbloom , @swankyorange , @cowboy-like-m3 , @hoelaris , @king-simp , @wildemaven , @professionalpromqueen , @amanitacowboy , @sassyhonks , @syd-djarin , @angiewatson , @stargirlfics , @asobeeee , @kirsteng42 , @joelssluttyknee , @hotgirlbedtimescenarios , @javierpena-inatacvest , @mrs-hardy-hunnam-butler-pascal , @jay-zzle , @miss-oranje-disco-dancer , @bbyanarchist , @greenwitchfromthewoods , @myownwholewildworld

if i forgot to tag you, i am so sorry okay! but just know: i see your comments ladies (gn), and they make me smile. i'm lurking and i'm stalking when you least expect it. but lately I've just been takin care of my business and gettin my grind up, but i promise you, i'll be back to play and get my flirt on 💋

[zhongfile]

7 minutes | huh yunjin

A/N: first post on this blog! hope you enjoy :)💌 i proofread like once it’s been a min LOL

PAIRING: yunjin x reader

GENRE: smut, fluff, angst

WARNINGS: afab!reader, yunjin!reader, crying, oral, fingering, squirting, nipple play (?), kissing, begging, yunjin is nervous abt expressing her feelings 🫶🏾

WORD COUNT: 1.6K

“this party is so boring” yunjin sighed, placing her head on your shoulder.

“It was your idea to come?” she sighed again “i know.. don’t remind me” you chuckled at her pouty expression wrapping your arm around her.

“You wanna leave? go to my place?” Your question made Yunjin sit up and look at you.

“Go to your place to do what?” your face dropped not meaning anything crazy just simply wanting to watch a movie.

“I-I don’t know? watch TV—“

“I'm teasing y/n.”

She smiled, grabbing your hand. The two of you headed towards the door getting stopped by a giggly chaewon. Yunjin snatched her hand away from you once she approached the both of you. Of course. You and Yunjin weren’t a couple (yet..you thought) but the tension between you was definitely known. She liked to flirt with you and be under you when no one was around but when you got around crowds or even school she tried her best to keep her distance from you.

As much as you loved her you were getting really sick of her playing around with you and your feelings. You were starting to come to the conclusion it was best if you two just stayed friends.

“We’re about to play seven minutes in heaven! come join us” chaewon cheered, dragging you both to the living room before you could protest. You sat across from Yunjin watching as she sat by Heeseung clutching onto his arm. You raised an eyebrow at her actions genuinely getting pissed at the way she laughed at whatever he whispered in her ear. You didn’t even notice Jake had spinned the bottle until the circle let out ‘oooh’s’ making you look to see who it landed on. You and Yunjin. “No fucking way” Jake chuckled eyeing the both of you.

“Oh come on it’s not like you guys haven’t kissed” Chaewon chirped in the group of people laughing along.

Yunjin began to laugh. “Are you kidding? No way i’m kissing y/n s-she’s a girl”

It’s like the laughter grew louder after Yunjin’s comment. You watched as everyone laughed, making your face hot and eyes burn from the tears threatening to fall. You got up from the circle heading up the stairs trying to find any empty room you can cry and pout in. Why was Yunjin acting like this? Why did she care so much what people thought about the two of you possibly being together? You didn’t understand.

When you finally got to an empty room you plopped down on the bed taking a deep breath. Only sitting up when the door opened, Yunjin poked her head in.

“There you are,” she smiled. “I told them I was just coming up here to find you! let’s go finish the gam—“

you snatched your hand away from her yunjin giving you a puzzled look. “Fuck you and that stupid fucking game”

“What?”

“Why do you care so much what they think about us? Are you embarrassed to be seen out with me? Too scared to be with a girl huh?” Yunjin could barely process what was happening. Where is this all coming from?

“I-I thought you liked me… I thought you wanted to date me” you mumbled out looking down at your feet blinking your tears away. Yunjin didn’t respond. She just stood there fidgeting with her fingers trying to think of something, anything, to explain how she’s feeling. To explain how she feels about you. But it’s like she couldn’t. She felt frozen. Stuck.

You wiped your tears scoffing at the dead silence from her. “I’m done with this bullshit” you went to stand up Yunjin stopping you from getting up. Tears pricking out the corner of her eyes.

“I-I don’t know what i’m feeling” she breathed out. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before ever and it’s scary”

she sniffled looking down at her hands. “I’m not.. embarrassed of you I'm just— I don’t know what i’m doing or how to handle my emotions” she paused.

“But I do know that I like you and i can’t lose you y/n”

you wiped the tears from her puffy face smiling at how cute she looks. “you’ll never lose me”

Yunjin gave you a warm smile back, grabbing you by the shirt to pull you into a kiss. You placed each hand on the side of her face so you can deepen it, your lips moving in sync. Yunjin placed her hands on your chest pushing you back until you laid flat on the bed, yunjin hovering over you.

Hands feeling up on your body, fingers grazing over your tummy making you shiver. Kissing on your neck making you bite your lip as she nipped at the skin her kisses slowly traveling down your body. You sucked in a breath when she kissed your stomach then your hips. You couldn’t help but whine when she squeezed at your thighs pressing a kiss to your clothed cunt. Yunjin smiled at the way you squirmed.

“you’re soaking baby” she kissed at your wet spot, another whine leaving your lips. “Yunjin please” you pleaded, feeling impatient with the way she was teasing you.

Pulling your skirt and panties off in one swift movement tossing them somewhere in the room scooting you closer to her putting your legs on her shoulders. You could feel her breath fanning over your cunt feeling yourself getting even wetter. Gasping once you felt her tongue on your clit hands immediately grabbing her hair.

She squeezed at your thighs as she continued to abuse your clit, your back slightly arching off the bed.

“Yunjin— fuck” you moaned tossing your head back feeling hee fuck you with her tongue fingers coming up to rub at your clit. you were squirming like crazy from the stimulation yunjin stopping to look up at you

“you gotta be still baby” you shook your head as she sucked on your clit again. “I-I can’t!” you stuttered out lifting your shirt up to play with your nipple wetting them with your fingers. You felt that familiar knot in your stomach, your breathing becoming unsteady.

“Yunjin please right there— i’m so close” you moaned, grabbing her hair. Yunjin tongue flicked back and forth at your clit making your back arch slightly off the bed. fuck- i’m cumming i’m cumming!” you whined out grinding on her tongue as you cum. You pushed her away when you started to get sensitive pulling her up to kiss you.

The kiss was long and sloppy moaning as you tasted yourself on her tongue. You could feel Yunjin grinding herself into you as the kiss continued to get heated.

“Lay back” you mumbled between kisses yunjin wasting no time getting under you chasing for your lips again. Undoing her jeans with one hand, yunjin helps you pull them down far enough to get to where she needs you. Running a finger up and down her entrance gasping at her wetness. You pushed two fingers in her cunt pumping them in and out of her slowly. Yunjin hips begin to move against your hand trying to make you go faster, your pace painfully slow.

“Y/n—please give me more” she kept her eyes closed, arms wrapped around your neck. “Yeah? You want more? Look at me.” She pulled back, biting at her lip cheeks turning red as she looked at you.

“Want more please” her voice was barely above a whisper.

“Need another finger please” you felt yourself getting wet again from her words. Pushing a third finger in watching her gasp and slightly arch her back.

“oh fuck!” she whimpered, grabbing your face to kiss you as you fingered her cunt. “Feels so good— please don’t stop,” she moaned in your mouth. You fingered her a bit faster biting your lip at the way your fingers fucked her.

“f-feel so full..” she whined resting her forehead against yours “yeah? you like feeling full?” she whimpered again, nodding.

“love your fingers so much— i’m so fucking close” yunjin failed to kiss you back as you picked up your pace fingers going faster hearing her wetness. she rested her forehead against yours eyes trying to stay open, closing once she felt that familiar knot in her lower belly.

“i-i’m gonna…” she started mouth falling open as she cums soaking the sheets and your hand as she squirts. Letting whines and high pitch squeals as she rides out her orgasm. She slowly stopped bucking her hips on your fingers, shaking when you pulled your fingers out. Leaving a smack to her clit watching her squirm

You kissed her lips again rubbing at her clit yunjin stopping you “m sensitive” she mumbled making you smile.

You let her lay on your chest as she calms down. The room filled with silence, the only noise being the music from the party that you both long forgot about. Yunjin broke the silence first

“Will you be my girlfriend?” you looked down at her yunjin rubbing your side.

“Seriously?” Yunjin sat up looking at you. “Seriously”

You smiled nodding. “I would love that”

Yunjin gave you a big smile in return, kissing your lips. The both of you got up to get dressed looking back at the bed tilting your head to the side.

“You made a mess— this poor dudes bed”

Yunjin punched your shoulder playfully “sorry you made me feel good” you kissed her temple wrapping your arm around her waist.

“Let’s go to your place now i’m tired and wanna cuddle my new girlfriend” she winked pulling you out the room.

[famemonsterrr]

Astrological observations part 20.

! This is 20th blog with observations and I’m so shocked I haven’t give up yet. Pliz for the love of mercury be gentle with me cause English isn’t my second language and I’m trying my best with vocabulary and grammar. Lastly these are my opinion and what I have experienced in my life don’t take it personally!

༘⋆ having earth sign placements means stress and anxiety for everything (send you love)

༘⋆ Leo moons must be the least confident placements because Leo is in the planet of emotions and so any criticism will crush them. Pliz be gentle with Leo moons:(

༘⋆ y’all think that Gemini, Sagittarius and Pisces aren’t easy to keep and they will change many lovers but I will tell you that you aren’t special enough to keep them. If they actually fall in love with you then they won’t leave even if Satan tries to bribe them.

༘⋆ Having libra/gemini moon is a blessing and a curse at the same time. I will talk about the curse of feeling a lot but you can’t decide what to feel…yeah you can talk ur emotions but truly u can’t even pick anything to feel. Also having your moon in your 3rd house is actually the same thing as having libra or Gemini.

༘⋆ Capricorn men are the men who look really good with glasses and elegant library college style. Prove me wrong hihihi

༘⋆ and speaking of male Capricorns. I want someone to explain to me why they look like they have lived 20 lives in the span of 5 years? Like Capricorn men change so much…and it’s really scary. If not the most chameleon type of sign.

༘⋆ everyone can say that they had a messy life or they messed up a lot…but not like Gemini,Aries,Pisces and Sagittarius did. These people they have done the most stupid shit ever and then BOOM one day they decide that have grow up and need to fix their lives. (It’s never too late babes)

༘⋆ in the subject of men (which I don’t like as much) I have to tell you that the men who looked the most beautiful are libra and Taurus men. Like they are so eye candies.

༘⋆ and the last capricorn observation but I true love u guys and also I want to know why you are talented and know so many things? Like I have noticed that so many male Capricorns are so talented and can talk about everything. Like they can paint, draw, play music, sing, act and they are so funny and charismatic…women? Literally goddesses.

༘⋆ I was watching the office and the line that Ryan says "I’m keeping a list of everyone who wrongs me" is the most Scorpio and Leo thing I have ever seen.

༘⋆ I have been around with a lot of Pisces and honestly they all so social butterfly (expect me who dislikes people for some reason) I don’t know why people think we are shy and introverts?

༘⋆ okay but I have noticed that people who are okay with nudity and consider it as freedom are the people who have heavy Aries, Scorpio, libra and Sagittarius placements.

༘⋆ mercury usually doesn’t really show about love but since it’s the planet about thoughts, it actually shows how you think about love or when do you like someone. For example Aquarius mercuries they know damn well when they like someone and they act accordingly (of course that can be influenced from other love related planets)

༘⋆ I love seeing the “Kris Kross” between 2 peoples charts. Like if you have a lot of the same zodiac signs but in opposite placements (like having Pisces sun with Aquarius Venus and they have Aquarius sun with Pisces Venus) then consider this a win and really positive for a relationship of course aespects are important as well. Now I can’t say the same thing in friendship synastry…the most crazy combinations can happen there

That’s all babes <3

My masterlist if you care to read more my other blogs.

Thank you soooo much for liking my posts and give me support to keep writing. Really greatful for it 🫶🏻

Stay healthy,happy and peaceful in these dark times we living.

Send u a lot of love 🫶🏻

[newtthetranswriter]

Cuddles And Mischief

Paring: Yuta okkotsu x Gn! Reader

Featuring: Yuta(duh), Toge, Panda, Maki, and Gojo for like two seconds

Warnings: Migraines, cuddles, Toge is a little shit, Panda is Panda, Implied reader trying to kill Toge and panda (Don't worry they’re fine)

Word Count: 3308

Summary: Having chronic Migraines is a bitch, but on the brightside Yuta is the sweetest person to ever live and he just so happens to be your boyfriend. Cuddles are on the agenda and also apparently killing two classmates.

A/n: This is just something I thought of cause I've had a crazy bad migraine for the past week and just needed some cuddles. I believe that Toge 100% knows how to pick a lock, you can fight me on that. Also, I wrote this with the thought of JJk happening more like when they’re in college just cause I was more comfy with that, I’ll probably go back and edit my Toge fix to be the same at some point. Also please request stuff, i have a list of fandoms i will write for in my pinned post and i'm going to update it later to have the characters listed as well. Anyways enjoy this Yuta fluff.  MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT

If I had to describe the worst week of my life it would probably be this one. I know saying the worst week of my life is maybe a slight stretch but damn this week sucked. I’ve had a migraine for the past week, and nothing helps, I’ve taken ibuprofen and drank tons of water but again nothing helps. I just want to lay down in a pitch-black room with my boyfriend, Yuta, and sleep in his warm embrace. I crave cuddles, which is odd for me. I’ve never been big on hugs or cuddling but he’s just so warm and inviting I can’t help but crave to be near him.

There are two reasons I have yet to do this though. One, we've been busy with school and training. We go to Tokyo Prefectural Jujutsu Technical Institute, it's a school to learn about cursed spirits and how to fight them, most of our day is taken up by training and the occasional mission. And secondly, no one knows we are together. You see when me and Yuta started getting closer, we agreed that it would be best to keep our relationship secret from our classmates because some of them can be a lot to deal with, and we didn’t want to deal with the endless teasing. Cough Panda Cough 

It can be difficult to find time for ourselves when dealing with our crazy life. So here I am sitting on the steps next to the training field, watching Maki fight with Panda because he did something stupid. Yuta and Toge are also on the field practicing hand to hand combat, not that either of them really needed it with their powerful techniques. And as to why I'm just sitting here, well one like I said before I have a migraine and two there are only five of us in our class so not enough for even groups, so I'm sitting out right now. 

As I watched Maki pin Panda, I noticed a certain black-haired swordsman eyeing me with concern. With us trying to keep our relationship on the down low, I haven’t had the chance to tell him about my migraine, but I know he could probably tell something was up because I was currently wearing a pair of dark sunglasses that could put Gojo’s to shame. I know I could have texted him, but I didn't want him to worry about me. So here I was being watched by my secret boyfriend while trying to hide the fact that my head felt like it was going to explode.

“MUSTARD LEAF '' I heard I disgruntled Toge exclaim as Yuta completely lost focus on his sparring match with the cursed speech user. 

“Sorry Toge, just lost in thought, would you give me just a minute I need to ask Y/n a question?” Yuta asked as Toge waved him off, obviously upset that his best friend is stopping their training. Yuta then proceeded to make his way over to where I’m sitting on the steps. “Hey Y/n, are you ok? You seem a little out of it, not to mention I don’t think Gojo could even see through those sunglasses.” He asked as he approached.

 “Yeah, I’m ok. Just have a small migraine don’t worry about it. "I'm going to go take a nap after training is over, it should go away after that.” I responded by trying to downplay my condition so he didn’t worry too much. I could tell he didn’t fully believe me but nodded in understanding before walking back to keep sparring with our classmate.

After training was over I headed in the direction of the dorms to try and sleep off this migraine even though I know it likely won’t work. As I made my way through the halls I felt a hand grab my wrist and pull me into someone's bedroom. I let out a startled gasp, before I turned to see my boyfriend smiling sheepishly with a blush on his face as he scratched the back of his neck.

“Sorry didn’t mean to scare you, just wanted to ask you again if you really are ok? You’ve been acting weird all week and I wanted to know if it was something I had done.” Yuta asked again, obviously concerned for me and worried that it might be his fault I’m not doing well.

“It’s not your fault Yuta. I just have chronic migraines. They just happen randomly and this one has been a bitch. It just won’t go away. Light hurts my eyes, loud noises hurt, ibuprofen doesn't help, sleeping only postpones the pain if I can even fall asleep. I’m just so tired.” I finally told him about this annoying pain. “ I’m sorry for making you worry, I know I should have told you when it first started but I didn’t want you to worry about me. I’m used to this at this point, it’ll go away eventually, until then I'm just going to be tired and on edge.” I could see multiple emotions pass his face as I told him all of this. First was relief that he did nothing wrong, but then concern as I told him how bad it really was.

“It’s okay, I understand you not wanting me to worry but I want to help. You said lights hurt and it's hard for you to get to sleep so I’m going to help out with that.” He said with a serious look on his face and I was slightly confused. How is he going to help with that? “Go lay down in your room and I’ll be there in an hour. I know exactly how to help.” I was shocked as he grabbed his wallet and pulled me out of his room and gently pushed down the hall towards my room. As we reached my room he looked around the hall, making sure no one was around, before leaning in and placing a kiss on my cheek before saying “I love you, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Before he ran off down the hall to god knows where.

I decided that it wasn’t worth stressing over cause that would just make my head hurt more so I just went in my room and changed into a pair of light pajama pants and a hoodie I’ve had for almost a decade, don’t judge the hoodie it’s gotten me through a lot of crap. After getting in my pajamas I laid down on my bed trying to relax even though the small amount of light barley breaking through the closed curtains was way too much for my sensitive eyes. I laid there for a good twenty minutes before I fell into a restless sleep that did nothing to block out the sounds of trees blowing in the wind and the distant sound of arguing, probably still Panda and Maki.

Just like he said about an hour after he had run away on a mission to do who knows what, I opened my eyes to see my gentle boyfriend enter my room quietly with bags of stuff hanging from his arms as he closed my door. He turned around and nearly jumped out of his skin when he noticed I was awake and smiling at him as he nearly dropped his bags on the floor in shock.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up, I was just trying to get in here before someone else saw me.” Yuta said as he walked to my small desk and set the bags of stuff down.

“It’s ok, I wasn’t really asleep anyway. But what on earth did you buy?” I asked as I walked over to peek in the bags. I reached in one and pulled out a bag of my skittles and looked at him confused. “How are skittles supposed to help with a migraine?” I asked, trying to figure it out.

“Those are because I know you love them. This on the other hand I figured would help out a bit with the light sensitivity.” He responded with a smile as he pulled out a package that looked like a black sheet. I again looked at him in confusion. “ It’s a black out curtain. I’m going to hang it in front of your window to block out the light that still comes through your normal curtain. Also figured you could turn on some gentle music to help block out unwanted noise.” He said looking pleased with himself for coming up with the plan.

“You didn’t have to do all this really. I would have just been fine laying in here hiding under my blanket by myself. I really appreciate you taking the time to get me all this, but I can hang this up on my own. You can just go hang with the others, Yuta” I said thinking he was probably going to hang up the curtain and then go hang out with our friends as they did whatever it was they were doing right now.

He tilted his head to the side before smiling and chuckling softly. “No I’m going to hang this up, then you and I are going to lay down together. I know that when you have trouble sleeping you like to have someone with you, I also know it puts you right to sleep when someone plays with your hair. We are both taking a nap and I’m not taking no for an answer.” I was shocked to hear him be so confident about something. Normally he was shy and let others tell him what to do but this was different. I was surprised but also thankful that he was willing to set aside his afternoon to try and make me feel better.

I nodded in response and kissed him on the check as I moved to sit on my bed and eat skittles while he hung up the curtain. I couldn’t help but smile as I thought about how sweet he is and how lucky I was to have him. After he finished hanging up the curtain he walked over to the side of my bed and sat down. I scooted over to give him enough space to lay down as he took off his shoes. He laid down with his head on the pillow and turned towards me to pull me into him. I jumped slightly at the contact, while I was expecting it, I’m still not used to it. After relaxing into his touch a scooted into his side while resting my head on his chest.

It felt great to be held by him in the complete darkness caused by the new curtains. The only thing this moment was missing was quiet music to drown out the outside noise. Like he read my mind Yuta reached over to my nightstand and grabbed my phone, opening it and playing my rest playlist on spotify before setting it back down. I smiled as I leaned up and gave him a peck on the lips before cuddling into his chest whispering an “I love you” as I relaxed to the gentle music coming from my phone. I felt him peck the top of my head before he relaxed and started to gently run his fingers through my hair. After about ten minutes of this I finally fell asleep, and for the first time in a week it was like the world fully melted away.

P.O.V Switch to the other students

About an hour later, Y/n and Yuta’s classmates were starting to get suspicious as to where their two friends had disappeared to. It was already dinner time and it wasn’t like either of them to skip a meal so the three were rightfully concerned.

“I know Y/n hasn’t been feeling well recently so maybe they are asleep.” Maki voiced the fact that one friend had been under the weather this week. “But that doesn’t explain where Yuta is.”

“Tunamayo” Toge said as he looked at his fellow sorcerers.

“Yeah you’re right, Yuta was watching Y/n during training today. Now that you mention it they have seemed really close recently.” Panda said as he processed what was being said. “Oh my god, I think I figured it out. What if they are secretly dating and skipped dinner to go on a date?” He exclaimed, almost too excited about the possibility of his two friends getting together.

“I mean it’s likely they are dating but again Y/n isn’t feeling well and I watched Yuta run off earlier like he was going to do something and Y/n wasn’t there.” Maki said looking at the giant bear like he was stupid for forgetting that one of said friends is ill.

“Salmon” Toge said, agreeing that the two were probably a couple but also agreeing that they probably weren’t on a date right now.

“Well then how about we figure this out the old fashioned way.” Panda stated

“By asking them next time we see them?” Maki asked, hoping her friend would say something reasonable for once, though she knew it was unlikely.

“No we go find them, you said Y/n wasn’t feeling well and that they would probably be sleeping, so I say we go check their room. If they are resting, that's where they will be.” Panda stated as if it was the most obvious answer to their problem.

“Salmon” Toge exclaimed with mischief in his eyes as he was the first to dart out of the room towards the dorms. He was determined to see what his best friend was up to at the moment. He also secretly hoped that they were correct that Yuta and Y/n were together because he shipped from the moment he watched the two talk for the first time.

“Toge calm down if you want to find out you gotta be quiet when you go down there. Don’t want anyone hearing you.” Panda said as he followed his friend down the hall. Maki was also with them, though she would deny her curiosity saying it was only to stop the two boys from being stupid.

As they turned down the hall that held the room of their friend who had been unwell all week, they could hear quiet music coming from the bedroom. “You hear that, that’s Y/n’s sleep playlist; they play it every night to help them sleep.” Maki said as she tried to stop her dimwitted companions from disturbing their friend’s sleep.

Only there was a problem, as they didn’t stop and made it closer to the room the three stopped walking in a state of shock. Not because of something they say but something they could feel. It was strange only in the sense that this cursed energy didn’t belong to their ill friend, it belonged to their other missing companion. It startled all of them to feel Yuta’s cursed energy flowing from Y/n room, it was obvious that's where it was coming from as underneath the large cloud of his energy they could barely make out Y/n’s cursed energy mixed in.

“I knew they were together.” Panda stated as he moved closer to the room. Toge following close behind was also excited to break up his friend's private moment.

Maki followed them as they stopped at the door, “you guys know he could have just stopped by here a minute ago to check on them, right” she said, trying to reason this out so the two didn’t invade anyones’ privacy in their attempt to cause trouble.

Panda just looked at her with a roll of his eyes as he tried to open the door. “ Doubt it, his energy is too strong for it to just be a residual, Damn it, they locked the door.” He exclaimed as his plan was foiled.

“Yeah it's probably locked to keep creepy bears from going in there without knocking.” Maki responded not paying attention to the silent member of their group who had ducked down to a crouch in front of the door inspecting the lock.

“Well knocking would be counterproductive Maki, I want to catch them by surprise and not announce my presence.” Panda countered. Again neither of them noticing Toge pull out a couple paper clips from his pocket.

“I think we should just leave them alone, They will tell us when -” Maki started but was interrupted.

“ Mustard Leaf” Toge whispered, shouting to get his friends’ attention. The two bickering sorcerers look at their shorter friend in shock as they watch him start to pick the lock on the door.

“What the hell Toge, why are you doing that?” Maki almost shouted at her friend who just responded with a shrug as if it was a stupid question and kept working.

The three of them were so focused on Toge unlocking the door that they failed to notice their teacher making his way towards the group. “So what are you three doing?” the tall man with a blind fold asked right as the click of the lock coming undone sounded.

The trio nearly jumped out of their skin but as Maki was about to explain it in a way to not get in trouble for breaking and entering, Toge opened the now unlocked door. Panda took the moment of shock from his friend opening the door to tell his teacher what  was happening.

“We are just trying to prove that that is happening.” he said, sounding triumphant as he pointed at his two friends who were peacefully sleeping in each other's embrace. As The Now Four of them took in the sight of the two young sorcerers looking the most relaxed that they have in a while, Toge couldn’t help but pull out his phone and snap a picture of the sweet moment. No doubt with the intention of blackmail in the future.

As the shutter sound resounded through the space the sleeping couple began to stir and with that the group snapped out of their shock. There were six different reactions, one from each person, and they were as follows. Yuta looked up in confusion still groggy from sleep and started blushing as soon as he saw his friends and teacher standing at the door to his partner’s room. Maki shook her head in disapproval of her friend’s stupidity for interrupting someone's well deserved sleep. Panda was holding back a laugh at his friends’ startled expressions. Toge started with a happy smirk until he made contact with the owner of the bedroom he just broke into. Gojo was also laughing as he walked away knowing that one of his students would deal out the punishment for his other students' mischief. And then there’s Y/n, while they were still half asleep they knew exactly who was standing in their doorway and were ready to kick someone’s ass.

Y/n jumped over a still blushing Yuta to get out of the bed, having the complete intention of taking their class from five students down to just three. First on their list was the one currently frantically sending the picture he just took to his other friends so when his phone was inevitably broken he would still have it. Second was the walking stuffed animal who hadn’t stopped laughing since they woke up to the intruders. The only reason Maki was safe was the fact that she had walked away after Gojo left, Y/n also knew she probably was trying to stop the idiots.

As Y/n chased the cursed corpse and cursed speech user, Yuta couldn’t help but start to giggle at his friend’s antics. He also let out a sigh of relief, knowing he no longer had to hide his affection towards the love of his life.

[patronsaintofteachercrushes]

4/7

feeling a great deal of things today and have been for the past week. it’s hard to make sense of it all. i miss H terribly, but not so much him just the mere comfort of knowing he’ll be there. it’s weird. i still fantasize about him, a lot of my time is taken up by just imagining making him coffee in the morning after waking up in his bed with him or him reading me something while i lay my head in his lap with a soft yellow light on and jazz playing in the other room. but i don’t feel much like i love him anymore. i think it’s neither love nor disdain but a secret third thing.

i’m not really sure what’s going on and i’m not really sure what to make of anything recently. i just wanted to talk to you guys about it. i haven’t been posting as frequently and i miss it. this is such a good outlet for me and i hope that maybe my continued posting (even if it’s not necessarily happy or good) is still helpful to someone out there like some of you guys have written me before.

sorry for any typos again lol

i started wondering what love is, what it feels like, how it behaves. i’ve yet to come to a conclusion about it. i know that love comes in all sorts of different forms and sizes, but how does someone know when they love another person romantically ? i love my friends, i love my sister, i love my dog, i love my bed, i love my shoes, i love a good book, i love tea, i love writing, i love feeling the sunlight on my eyelids, i love going on a drive, i love fiona apple, i love a great deal of things but i don’t love any of these things romantically.

i’ve had multiple experiences in my life where i think i have loved someone that way before, but it’s never lasted. shouldn’t love last ? my love for everything else does. i thought i loved my first “boyfriend”, but i broke up with him after 6 months. i thought i loved L, but it dissipated just as quickly as it came over me. this time, with H, i thought it would be different. i kind of felt like he was the one, you know ? the sort of feeling you get when you meet somebody new and they take a liking to you so you immediately start to like them too and you feel much closer to them than you’ve felt to anyone before. i felt that with H. and i don’t feel that way anymore. he doesn’t care for me much anymore either.

but that doesn’t really explain why i still think about him in the ways that i do. i often imagine living a quiet, domestic life with him where we’re left alone to consume and create together, where we talk and don’t try to be so careful, where i cook for him and he eats it with delight. when he does certain things, i feel a rush of what it was like to love him. i watched him once lift his arms above his head to close a window and saw the dimples on his back. i imagined laying with him and pressing my thumbs into the indents there. i imagine these moments of intimacy so frequently and vividly that it can’t be just based on a fleeting feeling. i must really love him, right ?

i wondered earlier this week if maybe i had deluded myself into believing i didn’t love H anymore the same way i had deluded myself into believing he might love me. is it ever really possible to get over an obsession like that ? if so, is it possible for me then too ? i keep telling myself that he is nothing special and that this was all so pointless but at the end of the day, i still brought him easter dinner and post about him on a tumblr blog almost entirely dedicated to him. i mean whats the difference between loving him actively and loving him in a past tense ?

there’s a quote in ladybird, “you seem to really love Sacramento.” “i do ?” “you write about Sacramento so affectionately and with such care.” “i was just describing it.” “well, it comes across as love.” “sure, i guess i pay attention.” “don’t you think maybe they are the same thing ? love and attention ?” and i’ve been thinking about it a lot. is my incessant imagining of him another form of love ? is that why i can always find connections to him in everything i do or see or hear ? because he’s always somewhere in the front of my mind ? can that be love ? i still feel a softness for him, as i feel for everyone i’ve ever thought i loved before, but i don’t feel for him anymore like i did prior to march 15th when i was sure and confident in my love for him.

i feel like i’m going in circles with him, i’ve felt like this before and i’ll probably feel like that again. when he talked about his spouse that one time, i had the same sort of clarity i had when i saw him for lunch on march 15th. and when he talked about the movie we were watching in class, i felt the way same way as when he called me a naughty girl. i mean i didn’t even let him have a moment to redeem himself after we’d had lunch, i didn’t offer him a second chance and i’m not sure if he really even deserved one because of who he is (both to me and to himself) but i just packed everything up and walked away without a word. i pulled away entirely from him just like how he’s done to me countless times before. originally, it felt like i was giving him a taste of his own medicine, like i was really showing him, but now i just wonder if i did it that way to make him care again. nothing has really been confirmed at all, we still dance around each other most of the time, so its hard to gauge whether or not what i’m doing is right.

but because i pulled away so quickly, i just started to latch onto things that aren’t even really there. when i went dancing with a friend, i flirted and danced with her aunt’s friend from their parish, and then i flirted with the gas station clerk while we bought ice cream afterwards. i even kept going back to the gas station to flirt with him, i was so desperate for a new feeling. i think i missed feeling passionate about someone because my compulsive obsession surrounding H felt like it was ending. it felt good to focus all the emotion i have inside of me onto someone again, but i know that he’s just a man like everyone else. i was drunk the night we went dancing, but is that an excuse ? i feel like instead of recovering and reliving myself from the sickness i had with H i’m really just running from how i actually feel. and i feel like that might be worse than just loving him again.

but he has a partner, and to everyone outside of this perfect bubble i have meticulously curated for myself i am doing something illegal and inappropriate. so i can’t love him. we watched everything everywhere all at once in class, and we got to the scene where waymond says, “in another life, i would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you.” and i wondered if he felt that way about him and his partner. i wondered then too if maybe the moments we’d had were temporary lapses in judgment that come from going through something so difficult, something like your spouse having cancer and someone showing you a kindness you haven’t felt in a while. i felt very guilty for feeling how i felt about him during that part of the movie. it reminded me of when he said he was at the hospital with her and how i felt then.

[stargazer-sims]

Now that I’ve watched the Horse Ranch trailer about 10 times, here are my honest thoughts about what I’ve seen.

First of all, the title is… I don’t even know. It’s like EA has literally stopped trying at this point. They could’ve done better, but ehh…

Of foremost importance, this DLC doesn’t look like it adds enough to be called an Expansion Pack. To be fair, we haven’t really seen all the features, so we may yet be surprised, but right now I feel like this should’ve been a Game Pack (and priced accordingly).

The animals’ eyes are terrifying. Why do all EA eyes either look dead and soulless or like eyes of the abyss? *shudder*

There’s something… off about the look of the horses too (besides the creepy eyes). I can’t exactly put my finger on it, but they don’t look quite right to me. Same with the sheep. They look vaguely dog-like, and it’s weird.

I am excited that horses will be family members, and that they’ll be customizable in CAS. I’m also really excited that children will be able to ride. Hopefully there’ll be other activities for children, and more interactions for Elders. They always seem to be underrepresented.

No English tack, apparently. So even if you’re riding in Henford-on-Bagley, you’re still riding western, I guess. This is nothing less than I expected though. The game is so thoroughly Americanized at this point that it’s hard to imagine them doing anything that isn’t based on the American experience.

Wine-making looks fun. I liked seeing that all sims aren’t instantly good at it, which implies progression. That should add an interesting bit of gameplay. The same with riding; there’s obviously a progression.

Line dancing. We needed groups dances. This is good.

I like the look of the build items. Some of the CAS items are tacky as heck (in my opinion), but this is the Sims, so… let’s just roll with it.

The world looks beautiful and it seems like there’ll be lots of open-ish areas to explore with the horses. It would be nice if we could get our sims to ride along the jogging/hiking routes in other worlds too, but since implementing cross-pack integration is apparently a problem for EA, I’m not holding my breath.

Overall, this pack is giving me recycled Cottage Living vibes, and I’m kind of not okay with that because, once again, it seems line there are a lot of missed opportunities for new gameplay here. This feels very cash-grabby to me, and although I don’t think horses would’ve been done justice as a part of Cottage Living, I do feel that if EA was going to make them the central focus of a DLC, a game pack would’ve been more appropriate.

Just based on the trailer and the blog post info, I’m going with 7/10 for now. We’ll see if that changes when the pack comes out.

And yes, I am going to get it. Not gonna lie, I am excited for horses even if they are wonky and have horror film eyes. (It’s nothing the right mod can’t fix). I’ve wanted horses ever since we knew Cats & Dogs was coming out, so this has been a long-awaited wish list item for me, and it’s hard not to be enthusiastic despite the obvious shortfalls of this pack.

[mariajmajesty]

JK and Jimin are inevitably going to interact again. We will most definitely get evidence at some point in the future that they were as close as ever even during these times when people are swearing up and down that they “don’t hang out that much anymore”

It always happens this way and I don’t know why people keep playing themselves like this when they know that every time people get so adamant that jikook is “distant”, something happens that proves otherwise. Its been happening like this for years and people still won’t learn to stop speaking on jikook when they don’t know shit. And then when it comes out that jk and jm were hanging out and are just as close as they always were, they get mad and pile hate on jimin for god knows what reason, it is a vicious fucking cycle at this point.

I literally don’t even know what they are basing their conclusions on right now, I don’t know why people always reserve this kind of negative energy for jikook. When was the last time we saw jimin and yoongi or jimin and tae hang out outside of work? Yet you never hear anyone jumping to the conclusion that either of these pairings are not close anymore or dont hang out at all. And it’s not even just tkkers now, it’s popular blogs claiming to not be concerned about shipping yet boldly declaring that they are sure jikook don’t hang out anymore. Give me a fucking break.

Why does jikook bother people in this fandom so much? Why do people seem to be so smug and self satisfied when it appears that they are not hanging out as much? It is becoming more and more obvious each and every day how differently jikook is treated by ARMY and fans need to take a good hard look at themselves and figure out why the thought of these two members in particular being close seems to rub them the wrong way. Because I have a lot of reasons why and all of them start with homo and end in phobia.

Sorry for ranting and cussing in your inbox I am just so tired of the way jikook and jikookers are looked upon in this fandom and the amount of reaching and jumping to conclusions that started after jimin’s live kicked my annoyance into high gear. I had to unfollow a jm centered blog I really liked before because they started going off about how they’re sure jikook aren’t close as they were anymore and haven’t hung out in awhile. It is just so disheartening especially when Im over here trying to enjoy jimin month in peace

Jimin telling fans to watch Tae's show after watching it himself, JK telling Jimin to come over for chicken and beer at night, Tae laughing and liking Jimin's post talking about his birthday, Jungkook telling his coach that Jimin will come over when he can, Jimin saying to Tommy that he misses him, JK spending time with Tae's group, JK's coach telling Jimin to come over..Do these people really seem like they are caught in some weird 3 way pit fight stressed and miserable?!

You asked what haters basing their conclusion on? Nothing because they don't know anything and it's the same thing they say all the time only with a different fake narrative. Last year it was "Jikook don't interact on social media like all of them do so it means they aren't close"...until they did and showed them all wrong. The year before that it was "Jikook hang out too much so it means they are fan service and being payed" ...untill they both started to shy away from it while still giving us enough content to see that they are doing damn great and proved them wrong. This time it will be "Jikook only interact on vlives and social media but not in private haha it means they are not close and always were fan service". See how that works? See how the argument is changing according to what suits weirdos at the moment?

No matter what jikook does, public or private, on social media or not, whether they’re a couple or not, their relationship and closeness would always be considered as fan service or be viewd as non authentic or on the verge of a fall out

Some people want them to hate each other so bad and project things they saw in one dynamic to another dynamic just because they think if they say it out loud (and they are loud) it will happen in real life but life doesn't work that way and they are all friends who were always friends and always hung out together when we don't even know about, and about to enlist very soon. And yes, they have their own schedules and responsibilities to juggle with now and people who ignore that need to grow up. If Jimin wants to see Hobi a lot maybe because he's enlisting and Jimin is a sweetheart like that, he can because nobody knows what he does the rest of the time, not to mention they are already at the company at similar times. Nobody knows where JK is right at this moment or what Tae did yesterday. The arguments that starts with 'X are never together' about any relationships in the group are straight up troll tallk because non of us are living in their pockets and these people aren't worth talking to because they forget how daily life looks like and ommitting other parts that happen on purpose. If Tae doesn't mention Jin as much as he used to it means they were fake? If Suga doesn't talk about JK it means they aren't friends? Of course not that's why you don't see anons go around in circles fearing a fall out. If Tae and JK can hang out nowdays even after them talking about having an awkward phase at one point it has to mean that they are in love and will forever be best friends who are the closest of all.

But jikook . .... jikook being cute on February doing late night invites for chicken and boxing practice must mean that on March they fell out and didn't saw each other for months or refuse to hang out in public..sure..make sense lol

Enjoy your Jimin month in peace because these people are not going to go away. They have no sense of shame when they are slapped with reality and won't have any when jikook will interact again. Non of us have a way to determine who is closer to who unless it comes from the guys own mouths, they'll just do what they always do and fold only to come back with a changed narrative or twist their words into something they never said with wrong translations and no critical thinking skills like they did yesterday with Jimin not wanting to share when he saw Jungkook. These people live in constant feeling of dread. Take breaks to avoid the nastiness, come back when you'll feel like it, keep streaming and focus on the good that is all Jimin ❤

[agirlwithbigdreamsforher]

CHAPTER 14

THE NANNY: CHAPTER 14

Pairing: Andy Barber x Annie Johnson (OFC)

Summary: Working and single parenting is not easy. Andy needs to find a nanny for his son Jacob. Annie, an education degree student at Lasell University, comes to their lives just in time for the big changes in Andy’s life.

Warnings: None.

A/N: None.

Disclaimer: I do not give permission for any of my works to be copied, used, translated nor reposted anywhere else but here on this blog. Do not steal what you didn’t work for. Minors and ageless blank blogs don’t interact with me or my works. Reblogs and likes are always welcome. Thank you for reading this work of fiction.

Word count: 2596

GIF not mine, if its yours, please let me know to give you credit :)  

                                   ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

“Hey guys!” Annie said when she saw her friends in the screen of her laptop. “How is Mexico Mark?”

“Amazing! It would be better if you were here.”

“You’re such a liar!” Sharon said “You don’t miss us, I’m sure Steve is keeping busy,” She wiggled her eyebrows

“Oh, he is! Trust me! Keeping me full all night.”

“Alright, I love you, but I really don’t wanna know about your sex life.” Annie said and everyone laughed.

“Talking about sex life, how are things with Andy?” Mark asked.

“There is nothing going on with him.”

“Liar! Tell us everything.” Sharon said.

“There is nothing to tell you guys. I mean, yes we live together, but you know nothing has ever happened. We have seen each other in our underwear and…”

“Wow! What??? When did that happened and why didn’t we know about it?!” Sharon commented.

“The day after I moved, he forgot I was here and he showed up in the kitchen only in his boxers.”

“Please tell me he looks as yummy as I think he does without clothes on.” Mark said.

“He does” Annie giggled “and, he has tattoos on his chest.” There was a pause “Oh! And he saw one of my thongs!”

“Alright!” Sharon said, “Next time you should inform us of all of that, is not very friend of you to hide those things!”

“Ok, ok. There have been a couple of times that I’ve thought he would kissed me, but then he doesn’t, or when we watch TV he takes my hand, I’ve noticed he looks at me and then he looks away, nothing too serious.”

“Oh darling, it is serious. Maybe he is just shy.” Sharon said.

“Shy? Come on! Is very obvious he likes it rough in the bedroom!” Mark interfered “Perhaps he doesn’t know what to do, maybe he wants to give you some space due to what happen to you. Give him a push, if you really think he wants to kiss you then kiss him! You have nothing to lose.”

“Ammm yeah! If something goes wrong I can lose my job.”

“But if everything goes right, you’ll gain a hot successful daddy.” Sharon said.

“Why is everyone so interested in my love life? No one is asking Sharon if she is dating someone!”

“Ok, first of all, cuz we actually think Andy likes you and you deserve to be happy after what happened with Daniel and second, if you must know, I met someone on Tinder…”

“You should be careful with that.” Annie said.

“Yes, mom.” Sharon answered sarcastically. “As I was saying, he seems nice, we haven’t go out yet, but we plan to do it.”

“I agree with Annie, you should be careful. I have to go now. Keep me posted on what happens with you two. Love you.” Mark disconnected from the call.

“He seems happy.”

“Yeah, I’m glad he is happy.”

“So how is Andy?”

“Are we going on with that?”

“No, no. I ask because of the case he is working on, I saw him on TV.”

It was a Thursday and it’s been three weeks now since Annie moved in with the Barbers. Andy was loaded with work, a murder case under his wing. The media was covering the whole thing, everyone in Massachusetts knew who Andy Barber was now, the promising young ADA who was trying to put “The death angel”, as the media named him, behind bars.

“He is tired. He doesn’t say it but I notice, he hasn’t eat or sleep well in days. His birthday was last week and we couldn’t even celebrate it, we bought him a cake and sang happy birthday to him, but that was pretty much it, it was very sad to be honest.”

“Poor Andy, and how is Jake?”

“He is good, he is now next door playing with the neighbor. Andy hides what he is working on at the moment, which is good. Neither Jake nor I are allowed to go into his office, and trust me right at this moment I really don’t want to see what he has there.”

“I believe you. In another topic, I was thinking maybe we should go out tomorrow night, girl’s night, nothing too crazy, how about dinner?”

“Sure! I’ll see you at 6 at your place.”

“Perfect! See you tomorrow.”

Annie closed her laptop and went to the living room, turned the TV on and sat down. The news were on, showing the affected families with Andy behind them. Everyone were fighting over to have an interview with him, he had won the case. A life sentence for the man who murder those 5 poor young girls. Annie kept looking at him answering every question asked by the reporters, he looked exhausted, the bags under his eyes, his hallow cheeks, he was in a poorly state. She turned the TV off and went to the kitchen to start making lunch.

It probably had passed half an hour, Annie was making a turkey sandwich for lunch, when her phone went off, an unknown number in the screen, but she picked up anyways.

“Hello?”

“Hello gorgeous, how are you?” A man with, what she assumed, was his sexy voice answered on the other side.

“I’m good, who is this?”

“Oh! You don’t remember me! That’s bad cuz I certainly remember you.”

“Look if you have nothing better to do, bother somebody else with this type of calls ok?” Annie heard how the man struggle with someone else on the other side of the phone.

“That’s mine! Gimme my phone back!” the man yelled.

“Hey! Is this Annie?” another manly voice sounded.

“Yes, and you are?”

“Forgive my partner, he actually thinks is funny and sexy, I’m Anthony, Andy’s friend.”

“Oh! His poker friends! You’re detective Mackie right?”

“Yes, ma’am, look we were wondering if you are busy, we need you to come and pick Andy to the courthouse.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Ammm well, he is kind of catatonic, he is just in his office staring at a blank point in the wall and he is not talking.”

“I’m on my way.”

Annie grabbed her wallet and the car keys, she went to the neighbor’s house to tell Mrs. López she will be out for a while. She drove all the way to the courthouse, the police at the entrance asked her why she was there, made her go through a metal detector, gave her a pass and let her through and told her which way to go to find Andy’s office. She walked all the way there, until she saw the familiar face of a woman.

“Hi! I know you, I’m…”

“Andy’s “wife”. Stacy answered dryly, and the air quotes made Annie lift her eyebrow “What you want?”

“I’m here to pick him up.”

“Weird, he never said you were coming, and as far as I know he said he didn’t want to be disturbed.”

“Listen,” Annie said with no patience, “I am his wife, and I have every right to be here and go to his office!”

“No, you’re not.” Stacy answered back.

“Hey! You made it.” Anthony and Seb approach to Annie. “Come with us”.

“You can’t go in there!” Anthony, Seb and Annie ignored her “I don’t care if she is his wife or not, you can’t do that.”

Anthony and Seb looked at each other, and turned to Annie.

“What is she talking about?” Seb asked.

“Ammm long story short, one day that girl was flirting with Andy and he told her I was his wife to get her off his back.”

“Can’t blame him, she is quite noisy and annoying.”

Andy’s office was closed, the drapes were closed as well. They knock and receive no answer. Annie opened the door slowly, Andy was sitting on his chair, head down, and tie loose around his neck, his jacket hanging on the back of the chair. Neither of them dare to move, and then Seb pushed Annie inside.

“Hey!”

“Go on, we have tried everything.” Anthony said.

“Well, not everything. You didn’t want to use my plan of throwing water at him.” Seb interfered.

Annie kept looking at them, she could tell that Seb was the child of the pair. Annie turned and walked towards Andy who was still in the same spot. She kneeled next to his chair, her hand went to touch his cheek to make him look at her.

“Andy?” no answer “Baby…” Andy groaned when he listened the loving word. “Hey! Look at me.” Andy lifted his gaze to meet her eyes. His eyes were red and glossy, Annie had never seen him like this.

“I won.” Andy’s voice was barely a whisper.

“I know, I saw. I’m so proud of you!”

“Everyone is saying that.”

“But I mean it” She giggled “Come on, let’s get you home, so you can rest.”

“I’m exhausted.”

“I know, that’s why I’m here. Can you stand?” Andy nodded and did as he was told, Annie hold him by the waist as Andy put her arm around her shoulders. Anthony and Seb walked in to take Andy’s things and followed them out of the office to Annie’s car.

“Thank you for coming.” Anthony said while helping Andy to get in the car.

“Thank you for calling. He needs to sleep, he worked so hard on this.”

They said good bye and Annie drove back home. They walked to the door, Annie helped him with his stuff, and opened the door for him.

“Come on, big guy. You need a shower, food and rest.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“We’ll start with the shower then. Let’s go.”

Once in the room, Annie turned the shower on, the steam of the hot water filling the bathroom. She then came back to help Andy with his clothes until he was only in his boxers.

“Can you go from here?” Andy nodded at her question “Good, be right back. I’m making you a sandwich.”

Andy walked into the bathroom, took off his underwear and stepped in the shower. The hot water relaxing his muscles, the pressure he had been feeling for the past weeks was vanishing right at this moment. He took a deep breath, and started to wash his hair and body. After 15 minutes he came out, the bed looked incredible comfortable, or so he thought. He put a white shirt and some sweats, dried his hair as much as he could and went under the covers. His eyes felt heavy, the mattress felt like a marshmallow and his duvet was soft like a cloud. Annie walked in carrying a tray with two plates and two glasses with orange juice, Andy was dozing off with his back against the head board.

“Andy?” He opened his eyes, a sleepy smile on his lips “I brought you something to eat.”

“’M tired” He yawned “Later.”

“Ok” she smiled and put the tray on the vanity “Lay down. Jake is with the neighbors, he won’t wake you up.” she gave him a small kiss on his forehead. “I see you when you wake up.”

“Lay down with me, please.” At this point Andy was half asleep. Annie nodded, took off her shoes, and laid under the cover next to him. Her hand caressed his face and that’s all it took for Andy to fall in a deep sleep. No longer after Annie fell asleep too.

When Andy opened his yes, he was on his back, looking at the ceiling. He wasn’t sure how long he slept, but he felt better than before, rested at least. A warm feeling on his chest made him looked down, Annie’s hand was resting there, her hair all over the pillow; he took her hand and turned to see her. She looked so at peace, her eyelids were moving.

“What are you dreaming of?” Andy whispered and Annie mumbled in her sleep which cause Andy to giggle, making Annie to wake up. Her eyes fluttered open to find Andy staring at her.

“You talk in your sleep.” Andy said “it’s cute.” Annie groaned and covered her face “Is true, it is cute.”

“Did you rest?” Annie said moving her hands out of her face.

“Yes, thank you for picking me up. I just couldn’t drive.”

“Care to tell me what was going on in that head of yours?” Andy sighed.

“I think it was everything. The case, the evidence, the families, they counted on me, and for a moment while I was speaking to the jury I thought I’d lost. And all I could think of was what was I going to say to the parents of those girls.”

“But you did everything you could, and you succeeded! I saw how much time and effort you put into this, the sleepless nights…”

“You notice I wasn’t sleeping?”

“Your footsteps are heavy when you are tired, so you made noise walking down the stairs every night. I sneaked behind you a few times” She confessed “I saw you looking at the pictures you had in your office. Were they bad?”

“They were pictures of the murder scenes. So yes, they were bad. Every time I went to bed I kept seen those poor innocent girls, one of them looked so much like you. And just the thought of anyone hurting you, I just can’t…” his voice broke and his eyes filled with tears.

“Shhhh, I’m right here. Not going anywhere. Not any time soon at least.” Her hand went to the nape of his head caressing him gently.

“Did you mean what you said in my office? Are you proud of me?”

Annie smiled and gave him a peck on the lips; Andy was shook until a wide smile was on his face.

“Of course is true! I like you Andy. And I’m not saying it because you’re my boss. Actually I shouldn’t be saying it because of the same reason, but I do. I don’t know if you like me back, Jake says you do, god I’m trusting in what a 3 year old says and…”

Andy crashed his lips against her to shush her down, they smiled to each other and then kissed again, this time slower. Their lips touched each other, gently first, taking the time to explore every part of their lips and their mouths. Their tongues massaging one another and then they stopped. Andy took a deep breath.

“So you like me, like me?” Annie said all fluster after the kiss they shared.

“Yes!” Andy Laughed “I like you, like you.”

“Good, cuz I like you.”

“You already said that, but is good to know is true.”

“So,” Annie said touching his nose with hers “What now?”

“Wanna go out on a date with me?” Annie nodded eagerly at the question, and Andy kissed her back.

“Are you gonna be kissing me from now on?”

“Every fucking time I have the chance.” Annie Laughed “So, how about tomorrow?”

“Shit! I can’t, I promise Sharon we will have a girls’ night. But I’m free on Saturday, I just have to let my boss know I’m gonna be out for the night.”

“I’m sure he’ll say there won’t be a problem.”

Andy leaned in to kiss her again and then his stomach growled, making Annie laughed. She stood up and brought the tray to bed.

“I was planning to have lunch with you earlier. I can chance the juice for a beer.”

“This is fine.” Andy took his sandwich “Thank you, honey.” He kissed her cheek and bit his sandwich.

[retrodaft]

What’s been happening and going to happen for the future

So first off just to clear the blog isn’t ending. I wanted to explain why things have been slow on the blog, lack of uploads, and posts.

Ever since September things started getting busy, I finally saved enough money to buy a iPad Air for drawing. And was excited to start to relearn to use a tablet( I used to do some digital art back in high school)

At the same time while I also had been going back to school ( adult education) to finish my certification cuz things were getting back to normal hahaha na this world still mess up but at least school was open. But then I had another problem, work.

I had been in retail for years, I like my job and my coworkers but it was becoming more stressful and demanding, with a pay rate that was low for this economy. I think we all know especially if you live in American how bad things have been getting with the growing inflation.

What also didn’t help you never leave on time ever. You’re shift done at 9:30 nope you are here intell 10 or even 11 pass. Being understaff and etc made me worried and so stressed. So I got a new job and finish school, cuz I had people on me about “it’s been years why aren’t you done yet?!” The pandemic HELLO.

By January I finished school which yayyyyyyy! And got a another job opportunity. There’s other things that had happened, trying to eat healthy, home issues, car problems, etc. I had TV to keep distracted but then I was changing my mind on what I wanted to watch.

This now goes into what will posting on the blog and thoughts on starwars.

I still like starwars love ya, but I don’t feel the same inspiration and excitement for the newest shows to come. Actually I was barely enjoying anything new from Starwars.

And please this is just my opinion, if you enjoy the sw shows that’s great. But for me everything that came out after mando season two was mediocre, ok or trash. It just wasn’t good, the story , the writing, animation or live action, the freaking editing jeez.

Maybe some of you already know but I don’t care for the bad batch, didn’t care for their introduction or much less for the show. Just didn’t like concept but still gave the first season a shot watch a couple times. Then sw fandom ..

The discourse in the fandom, some of y’all are wonderful in your art and I hope you keep pursuing it. And some of you are cursed, there were more clonest art and debating about sw shows in general, sometimes I wonder if some fans are even real or just bots. The changes to the canon or what even is the canon anymore? Jeez the arguments on canon. Or people putting all the trust into one person thinking they saved the franchise, yeah don’t count on that. Not to mention the weird raise of sexualizing of characters and real people (if you know,you know)

Over the year my attention went to other stuff, my friends got me into model kits it started first with transformers some years back but there weren’t many. But there’s plenty of gundams plus a new show with their first female lead, awesome soundtrack, and girlfriends ooh yes please.

Plus with Crunchyroll I’m able to finally watch some of the old anime’s I saw bits of as a kid. But now able watch the whole thing. Plus coming on the horizon a reimagining of a anime I haven’t seen sense freshmen year huh?!

SO there was a reimagining of Trigun if you haven’t heard please please go watch, I really want a part two please! It’s doing ok in the numbers, you can watch both the new one and the 1998 oh version on both Crunchyroll and Hulu. Watch both, there’s also a the original manga but unfortunately the publisher hasn’t reprint the manga so yeah it’s expensive to buy. BUT THERES HOPE right here on Tumblr you can read for free. But please to donate too cuz these fans are doing the work to translate.

Also NEW TRANSFORMERS MOVIE LETS GOOO, so yeah get ready cuz my art is changing again, I still would like to work on my starwars ocs still.

But there will be more Trigun fanart for sure, along with pics of my growing plant and model kit collection. Photography too, you can look at my toy photography I have done on instagram under the same name. There is gonna be cosplay work too, THANK YOU all for still being here,reading, thank you to all my followers!

It’s been a crazy last year let’s hope for a better one.

[sekaedy]

2023: The Year of Expression

Welcome!

Hey there, person. Someway or another, you’ve found yourself at the personal blog of me, Kayla or Sekaedy, and I welcome you. I hope your 2023 is off to a good start.

I guess I’ll introduce myself a little bit. I’m 24 years old, I live in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, and I’m in school for web development. It’s not exactly my dream career but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying it so far. And as far as job prospects go, I mean, everyone needs a website nowadays, right?

What I really want to be is a writer. I want to tell stories. To communicate the weird, unique ideas I have in a way that people can actually start to understand and even enjoy them. Mind you, it's not that I'm just beginning writing for the first time at the ripe age of 24, having never touched a keyboard before. I have stacks of notebooks of half-baked concepts, heaps of unfinished fanfiction and plenty more ideas kicking around my head. I even had a short story published in a university anthology!

But I still feel like I haven't earned the right to call myself a 'writer' yet. Mostly because I don't actually write that often. I'd like to think the act of writing this article and posting it is enough to change that, but I don't. Not really. I fell off completely the last few months for all sorts of reasons, but even for a while before that I was barely writing a few paragraphs a day. The mental act of formulating sentences and paragraphs, and the physical act of typing them out feels almost foreign now, because I've been out of the game for so long.

But no longer! Enough is enough!

Why we're here

Starting with this post, my writing funk is over. Throughout 2023, I intend on writing one article a week, for the purpose of reacquainting myself with writing stuff and, equally importantly, posting it. One of my problems is placing way too much importance on the things I write, to the point I get psyched out and paralyzed.

This project is designed to be as low pressure as possible, so every week I can just have fun with it. Maybe one week I'll do a review of something I read or watched, and the next I'll do a writing prompt. Maybe I'll have a thought I want to explore, or god forbid some opinions on current events. The possibilities are endless. The only rule is they have to be at least a thousand words long, so I have to actually write something of substance. As of the end of this paragraph I should be about halfway to 1k, so I'd like to talk about my plans for the new year :)

New year new me

That was one of my favorite videos by one of my favorite YouTubers, CGP Grey. If you didn't watch it, it's about an alternative to New Years Resolutions: themed years. Normally, people set goals for themselves for the new year that, ideally, feel attainable within that year. But then life gets in the way, you set aside your goal, and by the time December rolls around again, your goal is no longer attainable and you've failed. This video instead proposes that you choose a broad theme for your year to strive toward, that you can adapt to your needs as your circumstances change while still moving in the right direction.

I think it's an amazing concept. CGP Grey didn't invent it, I'm sure, but that video has over four million views. I'm probably not the only one who found out from him. A few years ago (I want to say 2020) I did the Year of Creation, and I actually wrote more that year than I ever had previously. For various reasons I didn't do any themes since then, but I'm revisiting it now because I know which direction I want to grow this year.

My theme

All my life, in all sorts of ways, I've been pushed away from being my true self. I'm not going to spend this article recounting my ~tragic backstory~ or anything like that, except what I have to to make sense. I was always a weird kid. Some people were curious or mystified, but most were annoyed or weirded out by me. I'm almost definitely some flavor of undiagnosed neurodivergent, and I was bullied a lot no matter where I went.

The lesson I learned from that is to push my personality deep down and be agreeable and unobtrusive wherever I went. I definitely had annoying tendencies and bad habits that I needed to improve on, but I think instead of refining my personality to something unique that people could appreciate, I just pushed it all down. And I realized that it was killing me.

Nowadays I actually do have friends who genuinely care about me, but I feel like they don't know the 'real' me. I never really let them know the ‘real’ me, because I don't know the 'real' me. In 2023 I want to be more true to myself, and become more comfortable putting myself - whoever that may be - out into the world. I don't want to live in fear anymore.

I recently realized (or maybe accepted) that I'm trans. I'm at the beginning of a very long journey with respect to transitioning, and I'm sure I'll talk about that experience here. Either way though, I don't think I'll ever get results if I'm not honest with myself about who I am and who I want to be.

I'm also in the middle of a more-or-less mutual breakup of a 3.5 year relationship. I respect my ex and care for her, but I needed to be able to find myself independently of another person. I also want to expand on this experience through articles in the future, because man if that’s not a catalyst for self-reflection and growth I don’t know what is.

So this year, I'm focused on getting to know myself. Understanding myself. Figuring out how I fit in this hellworld by actually putting myself out there in my writing, my actions, and my choices. It's really daunting, and I'm scared of being on my own again, and I'm afraid of alienating people, but I'm also excited. I've suffered from depression for so long but I'm hopeful that there's a light to the end of that tunnel. Sometimes that hope takes more effort than it feels like it's worth, but it's not like I have anything better to do than to strive for it. So my purpose for this year is clear.

2023 is the Year of Expression.

Thanks for reading.

[fleetways]

chimera baby fact of the day: why you should vote for Mira aka Chimera Baby. An essay by me.

@sonic-oc-showdown

TLDR at end.

When it comes to original characters on the internet, there is perhaps no example more infamous that those of the sonic the hedgehog franchise. Since the franchise’s very inception, original characters have served as a cornerstone to the series’ identity, and everyone who could call themselves a web-user during the 2000s/2010s knows exactly what I’m referring to when I say “Sonic OC.”

Sonic, in general, has had gained infamy on the internet for being one of its favorite punching bags, and nothing exemplifies this attitude more than the reaction to the hundreds of thousands of original characters for the franchise that exist across the web. Everyone knows them, and everyone knows the common tropes: traced Sonic-X screencaps, crude deviantart bases drawn over in MSPaint, mary-sues that our main characters are hopelessly in love with, characters that are just mish-mashes of existing characters, and of course, fanchildren.

To the average person, the existence of Sonic OCs is a spectacle, a hilarious and cringe-worthy spectacle to the point where it’s become a game to search up “(your name) + the hedgehog” and spend a couple minutes laughing at how bad the results are.

Now, I’ve been a casual sonic enjoyer since I first watched Sonic X back in the mid-2000s, but I didn’t really get into the series as a fan until around 2015. If you don’t know, the early to mid 2010s was a point where Sonic’s reputation was straddling the fine line between “complete joke” and “complete irrelevancy.” The disastrous Sonic Boom had just dropped following a lackluster reception of Sonic Lost World, and the social media and marketing angle of Sonic had shifted entirely into “they’re not laughing at us, they’re laughing with us!” territory. The official Sonic Twitter account became a meme in itself during this time, and I believe is one of the earliest examples of a corporate social media account taking a “How do you do fellow kids” approach of using popular internet memes and hip lingo to appeal to an internet-savvy generation.

(^this last tweet is still up, btw. i will be getting back to this)

With the social media going full “sanic, gotta go fast, haha kissing princess” and the games mostly abandoning its serious tones and stories for a greater focus on meta-humor, Sonic had official entered what has been come to be known as the “Meta Age.” The public may see Sonic as a complete joke, but it’s okay because we’re in the know that he’s a complete joke! Wink wink. (—Sega marketing circa 2015-2017)

I’m getting away from myself. “John Fleetways,” you’re asking right now, “what does this have to do with Chimera Baby or Sonic OCs??”

And to that I say this; I am currently soaking in the bathtub and thought I would use my day off from work to finally air some of my thoughts regarding the era of Sonic the Hedgehog I’m most familiar with. But also I think providing context is helpful in understanding why I think it’s so cool Chimera Baby made it this far in a poll like this. Moving on.

In 2015 I was in middle school, a horrible period in many of our lives. Middle schoolers are at that perfect age where they’re old enough to know cruelty but haven’t quite fully grasped empathy yet, so as the “Sonic Kid” during this time I’m sure you can guess how popular I was. Genuinely, I was very ashamed of my love for Sonic. This very blog I’m writing on now started in 2015 as a quarantine for me to keep any inclination of my fondness towards the series hidden away under lock and key. I reblogged fanart with no commentary, lest others think I was some kind of weirdo who had OPINIONS on SONIC THE HEGDEHOG. It took months for me to work up the courage to post my own art, and any shipping art was absolutely out of the question (because now THAT was cringe!!).

With time, I became more involved in the Sonic Tumblr community around 2016-2017 leading up to the release of Sonic Forces (which could be a whole essay in itself). There was one thing above all else I noticed at this time—something unique to the Sonic Tumblr scene as opposed to other Sonic communities on the internet. That is, of course, how much less homophobic it was.

Homophobia (and transphobia) has been a notorious problem in the Sonic fanbase, particularly in the mid 2010s. It’s an issue I’ve talked a little about on this blog before, but it’s really hard to describe just how prevalent it was on every site outside of tumblr unless you were there at the time. Folks, it was bad, especially in comparison to other fandoms. Much like the simple act of making a Sonic OC, “making Sonic characters gay” was “cringe” in itself. Hugely popular Sonic fanartists and bloggers (some of which are still active on Tumblr to this day) would openly express their opposition to “homosexuality” and the depiction of it, and this was a fact no one seemed like they wanted to address (or if you did, you’d be accused of “starting drama.” Sonic Tumblr was better by a long shot than any other site for queer fans, but it definitely wasn’t perfect).

The worst part was that the official Sonic social media team seemed to have no problems reinforcing these attitudes. For those unaware, “identifying as an attack helicopter,” as seen in the tweet above, is a transphobic joke that was used by right-wingers and edgy 4chan users to invalidate transgender and non-binary identities.

The Twitter takeover following the release of Sonic Forces included questions regarding two Sonic ships. When proposed with the concept of Sonic and Amy in a romantic relationship, the voice actors act coy, embarrassed, but in a good-natured manner. It’s a clear hint-hint wink-wink nudge moment trying to appeal to the fans of a popular pairing. As for the equally popular gay pairing, though, it doesn’t quite get the same treatment. No, when presented with a question about Sonadow (one they did not have to answer, they chose to answer this question out of hundreds of others) the actors can only respond with disgust and horror.

There was some backlash on tumblr following this exchange, but for most people it just made sense that Sonic Official would treat it like a joke. After all, this was Sonadow! A lot of people hated Sonadow because it was gay! Sonadow was a joke because it was gay! It was hilarious to a lot of people that Sonic Official seemed to know just how weird it was, and in turn those people felt validated by the company for their hate! And just to cover my ass here, I am not saying that people who don’t like Sonadow are homophobic. didn’t even like Sonadow that much at the time this stuff was happening, but no one is gonna tell me it wasn’t homophobic as fuck for them to pull that shit. And as a young queer fan who was deeply hurt by a lot of the homophobia surrounding a series I loved, it left an impact on me that I feel to this day.

Luckily, today things are much brighter as far as lgbt-friendliness goes than they were a few years ago, from both the fandom side and the company side of things. The days of Sonadow being treated as only a joke are pretty much gone, and regardless of your opinion on the pairing, it’s awesome to see that the official sonic sources seem to be taking steps to treat their queer audience and queer pairings with respect. In addition to this change, mostly gone is the era of self-referential, punching-down humor of the mid 2010s, and instead what I’ve seen is a new resurgence in genuine love for the franchise and it all it has to offer, including original characters!

And now, we have the Sonic Oc Showdown—a tournament whose purpose is to celebrate the original characters that for nearly 30 years have been considered the butt of the joke of the internet, aka “peak cringe.” Upon examining my history with the fandom, starting off as a kid horrified by the prospect of enjoying Sonic even in private, I’ve recently begun to strive to wear “cringe” as a badge of honor. Yes, I am cringe, but in the words of some tumblr user at some point: “I may be cringe, but I am free.”

This year has been particularly freeing for me. Like a lot of people, I made fanchildren back in the day. There’s something undeniably fun about taking two blorbos and shoving them together and drawing the resulting hybrid. There’s a reason fusions, like fanchildren, are such a popular trope in the Sonic fanbase. One result of there being so many fanchildren, however, is how tropes begin to emerge within the tropes. For example: A lot of Sonadow fankids look the same. It’s just the truth. Black hedgehogs with blue stripes or blue hedgehogs with red stripes, an amalgamation of recognizable traits from both parents that immediately tells you exactly all you need to know about the character (but still manages to be more creative than the offspring present in official sonic media [looking at you Archie]). I am no exception to this rule.

Circa 2018, I had made my own Sonadow fanchild. She was a blue hedgehog with red stripes named Maria—it really doesn’t get more cliche than that. Over the years I had completely forgotten about her, only to remember her once I stumbled across some crude sketches of her on some scrap paper I found while cleaning my room. There was an earnestness when I looked at them, a nostalgia I think we can all relate to when we look at our old art, and I took some time to whip up some redesigns and leave it at that. “Maria” faded to the back of my mind once more. I moved on.

“Maria” c. June 2022. Like Shadow had Terios and Silver had Venice, this was Mira’s beta design in a way^. Yikes. Look at those McDonald’s shoes.

And then, everything would change at the end of 2022 when I first found that image of the bootleg sonic and shadow plush. It was incredible: a design that perfectly encapsulated every cliche I could think of when it came to designing Sonic x Shadow fanchildren. The concept of a chimera character followed shortly after, and mainly on a whim I took some old sketches of “Maria” and turned her into the chimera baby we know today. I decided to post her on my blog, and to my shock, the post blew up. And soon, I found a familiar feeling creeping over me as more and more people gazed upon her.

“Uh oh, am I gonna be known as the sonadow chimera kid guy now?”

Suddenly I felt 14 again, hiding all my sonic stuff in a side blog where no one could see it. It was a little embarrassing, but the thing is, a lot of people liked her! Just half a decade ago, I could see this concept being submitted to one of those “cringe” blogs dedicated mostly to making fun of mostly young and beginning artists trying their hand out at an oc for the first time. But instead what I got was a lot of love! People saw this oc i made based off a joke, a bootleg plushie of Sonic and Shadow sewn together designed to be a parody of all the common fankid tropes and said “this rules.” And you know what? It did rule.

I would now like to address the elephant in the room. I know there are some who are not happy Chimera Baby made it this far into the competition, and that’s fine. As a fankid, and a “joke” one at that, some may not see her as being worthy as some of the ocs she beat. It’s tough to see, but that’s the thing about tumblr polls—you never know how or why people are gonna cast their vote. Over the course of these weeks, I’ve had to root against some fantastic characters, and now, Mira is here, but she’s not the same character as she was at the start. Yes, she is still a parody sonadow fankid based off a bootleg plush, but before she was just a concept more than a character. Now, I can say she’s a character with a backstory and hobbies and skills and weaknesses and a personality and relationships! This is the first time I feel like I’ve ever had a fully fleshed-out oc, and it’s been a blast to share her with the world. She’s become real—you, dear voters, have made her real.

In a tournament like this, a tournament celebrating Sonic ocs rather than making fun of them, I think it’s incredibly cool that a character who epitomizes a lot of the aspects considered by many to be “peak cringe,” (fankids, fusions, and lgbt shipping) managed to make it this far. I want chimera baby to be a bastion for all those who like me, were once too embarrassed to share their oc designs, fankids or otherwise for fear they would be seen as cringe. I’m here to tell you that no, you are NOT cringe. It rules, and I want everyone who ever made a silly little fankid especially to know this.

So while Chimera Baby making it this far is already a big win for folks like us, I think her winning this would genuinely be a great Fuck You to the years of fun and whimsy cringe-culture tried to take away from us. Also I think it would be really funny.

ANYWAYS THATS ALL VOTE FOR CHIMERA BABY SONADOW NATION AND ALLYS AND PPL WHO WANNA CAUSE A LITTLE CHAOS RISE RISE RISE!!!

Tldr: sonic OCs have been the poster child for “cringe” for like 30 years so it’s cool that a fankid based off a lot of these “cringe” concepts has made it this far in a tournament celebrating the positive side of sonic ocs, and I think it would be a great fuck you to cringe culture if she won and also really funny

SONIC OC SHOWDOWN FINAL ROUND

Mira belongs to @fleetways

Squabble belongs to @sonic-adventure-3

Find out more about them below!

Chimera Baby "Mira":

Chimera Baby is a chimera (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chimera_(genetics)) and the oldest child of Sonic and Shadow. Mira was raised in the Chao Garden where she ate fruit and engaged in frequent karate matches and races and was very happy. As a young child she was very sweet and loving to her fathers but as she got older she has begun to experience latent Black Arms patricidal urges (exclusively towards Shadow).

Mira is the slowest in her family (but faster than you!), but has a very strong connection to chaos energy making her quite the powerhouse. However, she still has a long ways to go before she can actually hope to defeat Shadow. In her teen years Mira has become somewhat of a delinquent, speaking very little and preferring to get her messages across through action alone. She is the older sister of Mochi, who often acts as a mediator whenever she randomly tries to attack Shadow in the Costco.

Squabble the Pigeon:

incredibly cheerful untrained pilot and mechanic for a trio of freelance postal workers/hitman. LOVES airplanes and explosives and tinkering and package delivery, is a chronic pipe bomb maker, and has a boundless joie de vivre. she operates on cartoon physics, and has a messenger bag that functions as a hammerspace where she keeps her exposives, revolver, second identical revolver that pops a flag, bazooka, and everything else including the kitchen sink. incredibly cheerful and completely lacking in common sense or a coherent moral compass. about twelve, and on the short side.

[harrison-abbott]

[Spoiler Alerts. If you haven’t seen this film yet then I wouldn’t read this post.]

I saw this movie about a week and a half ago and I’m still thinking about it quite intensely. The night after I saw it, I posted about it here on my blog. But I wanted to write about it again to try and flush out the feelings.

It is quite remarkable that a film of such content is certified as a 12A. But, after you watch it, you get why it is. There is no violence in the film whatsoever. That you see with your eyes. Everything that it relies on is based on sound. Or imagery that we see in the background, from a distance; images that are half veiled and we use the imagination to fill in the parts that we can’t see.

Such as the scenes in the garden: when we have the watchtower in the background (and we can see a man peeking about in the watchtower windows) and we can see the barbed wire wall and the ‘houses’ of the camp.

Hoss’ wife Hedwig is showing her friend around her garden, which is literally right next to the camp … and they are talking about flowers. Whilst in the distance we hear the gunshots popping off at random intervals. And then her friend remembers a Jewish woman she knew once back in Germany and she says something like “I wonder if she is in there …”

In many ways, Hedwig seems like a worse character than Rudolf Hoss.

Rudolf was hanged after the Nuremburg Trials. Whereas Hedwig was allowed to, umm, well, live until her 80s and she passed away in America. I don’t agree with execution or capital punishment. But, after you see what she does in this film, I do not believe somebody should get away with her involvement in what happened. I realise that this film was an adaptation of an Amis novel – and thus I do not know just how accurate the scenes in the movie are. But there definitely was a Rudolf and Hedwig and they knew exactly what was happening in Auschwitz.

As for Rudolf. His character was played by a man with a very boyish voice. Which I thought contributed to the surreal edge of the film. As being the commandant of Auschwitz I had expected this mighty Richard Burton baritone voice. But he almost sounds like a girl.

My friend was telling me that Rudolf himself was very kind to animals. And there’s a scene in the film where he’s stroking his horse’s head and kissing it, and telling it that he loves it. … And he rides his horse into the camp through the gates, in narcissistic fashion.

We only see one shot of him inside the camp. This comes with a close up shot of his face (with his weird hair cut) with smoke billowing around his head and there are these windy screams happening all around him. He’s up in the air, on his horse, and all we can see is his expressionless face whilst this mayhem is happening around him.

I thought the ending was especially powerful. Where Rudolf is walking down the stairs, in plush Nazi regalia … and for no apparent reason he vomits. Once, and twice. And then the film comes out of a film and we witness modern day Auschwitz. We see the gas chambers and the mass collections of shoes. And the ovens. And there’s a scene earlier on in the movie where Rudolf reading the Hansel and Gretel story to his kid, in his girlish voice, where the wicked witch gets cooked alive for all her horrible deeds …

[kittyfairyblog]

June 6 2023 cont.

 I am back here again, I know I just might run my blog ragged for how many blog entries a day I post. This neko boy just has been going inside and outside a number of times with Kylie our dog. It is humid outside but not really that bad. There’s a breeze blowing outside making the weather bearable. I really want my cell phone back. I know I already mentioned how badly I miss my cell phone. I haven’t had my cell phone around 3 weeks. I haven’t had the ablitiy to get on Facebook or text message my friends. I know I might be complaining but this is rough. I had been looking on Indeed and various job sites looking for employment but I haven’t found anything in my area that I could go to. Meow this neko boy didn’t know that it’s going to be like this for awhile. I hope my cell phone and my other missing belongings get mailed back to me quickly. I haven’t yet gotten today’s mail yet. The mail hasn’t yet arrived. I thought that I could get a nap in but some part of me just couldn’t do it. So here I am on Tumblr typing this entry out while listening to some music on YouTube. I might try agian to lay down on the couch but I just can’t do it at the moment. I might go to my room and continue typing out my novel that I am working on. Not go to my room but bring my sheets of paper that have my writing on it and type it up in the living room. I really don’t think about doing anything other than going outside a couple of more times with Kylie our dog. Nya this neko boy really again misses my cell phone. I don’t know why but I haven’t been watching the usual stuff that I had been watching on YouTube. I really don’t miss it. I want to do other things than be trapped on YouTube. Meow I know that I am watching or listening to music videos on YouTube while doing other things but that doesn’t mean I am watching it. My mom, sister and her kids won’t return from their walk in the mall until 4 pm. That leaves currently 3 hours until they return since it is almost 1:30 pm as I am typing this. Nya I really don’t think I can take a nap with what’s going on in my head. I put away the dishes already and also did my laundry so that’s it for now as well as made my bed. Like I stated in a entry previous to this one today I got up around 8 for an appointment that didn’t take place and I got back home to try to nap. I was unsucessful in getting a nap in earlier today. School is out for the kids for this summer and they won’t return to school till August. I just hope I don’t have to deal with them. Hopefully I can find work or keep my mind occupied these months that the kids are out of school. Meow well that’s pretty much it. When I get my cell phone back I might start posting pictures on this blog. Until then later. 

[thegodwithin]

hi! im kind of new to law of assumption and old to law of attraction. law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused. i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier? i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc. i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof?? i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine? like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results. i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting. i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong?? I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me. I can even dm you, just please help me so I can actually manifest what I want. I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking. I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet. I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want. I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

Hey, so I just want to say that I really understand you. It’s funny how as I read your ask for the first time it really stood out to me how it was reflecting my current state at that moment so thank you for sending it. I will try my best to answer your questions but I'm still figuring this stuff out myself so I'm also just going to recommend some material that should help. I’ll put all the links at the end of the reply.

I have broken up your ask into several different topics and I’ll be addressing each one separately so please bear with me here.

This is the longest reply I've ever written so the rest is under the cut

law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused.

i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc.

I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

The first and most important thing I want to say to you is that you should really learn from the source material, which as far as I’m concerned here is Neville Goddard. I know there are other teachers like him but he’s the main source most blogs and youtubers make their content from. And frankly a lot of posts on tumblr seem to really simplify and reduce things to the point where you get to this idea that it’s all just affirming and persisting which I really can’t agree with. That’s a conclusion one can reach after learning this stuff, processing it, experimenting with it and realizing what works best for them. But there are certainly other factors involved in the process, whether the person was aware of them or not. This also goes for youtubers and coaches in general. All these people are speaking based on their own experiences with the law. Through the lenses of their own beliefs, limitations, etc. So it’s only natural that they will sound different from each other and their message and style might not resonate with every person in the same way. Which is why you’re not supposed to just accept everything you hear or read at face value. Apply it, experiment with it and make your own conclusions.

like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results.

Most of us come into contact with the law from a negative situation and looking for a quick fix, and what we end up finding is a whole lot more than we ever bargained for. These teachings challenge everything we have ever known and accepted as absolute unchangeable truths in the world. And we are also dared to accept the responsibility that we were the cause of our entire lives?! It’s a lot to take in. You can’t be one foot in and one foot out. You’re trying to manifest something but you’re not seeing results. If you’re looking for results then you weren’t truly committed to living in the end and you haven’t really changed. You must notice the change within first, before the outside world can reflect that. You just give yourself what you want in your mind, and you keep doing it, day in and day out, with complete disregard for what your outer senses are telling you, until it hardens into a fact.

i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier?

Battling with the 3d can certainly be painful and it just turns into a vicious cycle, because the more attention you pay to something, the more it gets perpetuated in your reality and in your experiences. I’ll be honest with you, sometimes I struggle with this as well. If anything, at least remember to prioritize your feelings at every given moment. If you notice that you’re feeling bad / reacting negatively to the 3d, stop and ask yourself: what do I want? or what do I want to feel?

Usually when I do that my mind automatically shows me the answer and then if I can enter the reality (within me, in my mind with my thoughts and feelings) where those things are true, suddenly that circumstance I was just reacting to doesn’t matter anymore. Because I feel fulfilled within now.

Just start allowing yourself to have what you want, no matter what. Practice putting yourself first, before anything else, before the circumstances around you, before what others might say or do. Even if the 3d looks bad right now, you deserve to feel what you want, you don’t have to keep putting yourself down because you haven’t seen an outside change yet. And the truth is that you won’t see a change if you keep watching the 3d and taking score from it. Because it can only change after you do. Because it’s a reflection of you. Allow yourself to feel that relief and satisfaction, in your imagination, everyday. Make it a habit and little by little you will have changed your mindset, entering a new reality.

Everything in your 3d world is an illusion in the sense that it’s not the truth. And this is because everything that you experience with your senses, in your 3d world is a direct reflection of you. You are everything, and you are everywhere you go and every person you meet. You can only ever experience yourself, nothing else. Nothing exists outside of you. Everything begins and ends with you.

and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine?

You are God of your own reality. There’s only you in your reality. Nothing else and no one else. So everything and everyone that shows up is under your influence. IN YOUR REALITY. You can’t really access other people’s realities or inner worlds, and likewise they can’t reach yours. Even what you perceive as things outside of you pertaining to other people’s lives and experiences are still coming in through your own lenses, of the concept you have of that person, of the expectations and beliefs you have about them. This is why you shouldn’t bother with anything but yourself. Because it’s a waste of energy. Because everything you will ever perceive will come through you first. You can’t experience anything but yourself, your beliefs and your expectations. If you believe others can influence your reality then you are living from fear and you are giving your power away.

i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof??

Instead of trying to manifest things in order to “see proof”, just let things happen and watch yourself during the process. Start really paying attention to what you’re thinking and feeling on a daily basis. Notice that your thoughts and reactions come from a certain state of being. Notice how people act in ways that you expect them to, because “that’s just how they are”.No, it’s because that’s the concept you hold of them in your reality, and they treat you according to the concept you hold of yourself. By doing this you will start to realize the connection between what has shown up in your life so far, and the person you were identifying with within. And when I say identifying with, I don’t mean something like an affirmation such as “I’m confident”. Your identification and basically your self concept comes from your perspective, the way you see things, the way you react to things and the way you act, the thoughts you have and what you accept as true. Those will show you who you really are.

i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them

The thing with success stories is that as much as they can be motivational, the process and the factors are always the same. They succeeded because they managed to change their mindset, they entered a new reality (within), they changed their dwelling place (the state of being they return to the most) and their outer reality simply reflected that change. Their circumstances are irrelevant and the only thing setting them apart is the techniques they used and how long it took for them to actually shift their mindset and accept the new reality they wanted. Techniques are not really that relevant because they only serve to aid you into moving states. So at this point it’s really just about what works best for you.

i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong??

There’s no such thing as affirming wrong. And please take affirming off the pedestal. It’s just a technique and you don’t need to use it if it’s troubling you. Affirmations are just thoughts you would be having if you were living in the end. So their purpose is only to help make you feel like you are living in the wish fulfilled. There’s no point in affirming all day long if you keep feeling like you’re in the same old shitty reality. Again it’s the same thing I’ve been saying before. You can’t affirm for two opposite things at the same time and get the result you want. Use affirmations as much as you like but watch yourself for the rest of the time.

The reason this isn’t a trying process is because you’re not attempting to do anything to get something. You are simply being in a different way. You are changing your mind, changing your thoughts, choosing better feelings. This is a lifestyle change. If you accept the law, your entire perception changes. Nothing is ever the same as it used to be. This can be a hard pill to swallow but at some point you gotta be honest with yourself. There is no trying. There is only doing and there is only being.

i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting.

I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want

You’re exhausted because you keep going back and forth between what you want and what has shown up. You need to pick one side and stick to it. You need to dive so deep into the feeling of what you want to the point where thinking the opposite feels unnatural. I know you don’t wanna hear this but thinking you’re doing something wrong really is also getting in your way. Think about it this way: you’re in the end goal, you’re there, it’s done, you got it. Would you be thinking about ANY of this stuff if that was the case? Would you be doubting and having all these fears and looking around everyday to make sure it’s still there? We both know you wouldn’t.

You just can’t have it and wonder where it is at the same time. You have to stick to the end goal and reject anything that contradicts that.

I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me

People say manifesting is easy and fun because you’re just supposed to satisfy yourself within by giving yourself what you want. If it feels like a chore then you're not giving yourself what you really want. You are focusing on what you think you should be doing and you are also keeping yourself hostage to your unwanted circumstances. If your desires are so important to you then stop putting conditions on them, stop looking for excuses to deny yourself of them. Get drunk in the feeling and the knowing of their fulfilment. Let go of all the doubts and fears, turn your back on your senses telling you it’s not here yet. Be stubborn and stop taking no for an answer.

You’re coming from a place of: I have all these unwanted circumstances and I want to have xyz instead, but no matter what I do, things aren't changing.

If you had xyz by now, would you still be repeating the unwanted circumstances in your head? Would you be thinking about them? Would you be reacting to them? Would you be identifying with this version of yourself that can’t get what you want?

No! You would be living your life, doing the things you enjoy, your duties and responsibilities, resting in the knowledge that you got that desire. It’s a reality now. It’s part of your life. You’d be living from that perspective.

You're keeping the unwanted stuff in place by reaffirming them, by looking at it everyday and going “yep, still here!”, you’re still accepting it as true for you. You can’t keep your attention on something without getting more of it. You need to die to the unwanted reality. Never to be seen again.

I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking.

Self concept is not a technique that you do once a day. Self concept is who you are. It’s how you behave and what you think all the time, every day, all day. It's what you believe and accept as true for you in all aspects. I think this community has been breaking up the law into bits and pieces, as if there are all these separate factors and steps you need to take, and it’s done more damage than good because it’s actually literally all the same thing, it’s all connected. Once you change through the means of one aspect, the other aspects change automatically. Self concept, mental diet, states, it’s all connected, they all lead to the same destination, you. Neville uses these terms interchangeably, to get his point across in the best way he sees fit at that moment, but he’s always talking about the same thing. So bottomline is that if you “keep breaking”, then you’re still in the process of change, you’re going from one state to the other, from unwanted to wanted. Back and forth. You’re still falling for the illusion of the 3d world and you’re still feeling the pull of your old story. You need to take a stand and decide that enough is enough. No longer accept what you don’t want. You’re the only one making the choice here. No one is forcing you to stay in the unwanted mindset but your own habits and comfort zone.

I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet.

Look, there’s nothing to combat here. There’s no war going on. It’s all just you. You don’t have any blocks or limiting beliefs you need to overpower. This isn’t a good perspective to hold. You ARE the power. I fought these types of statements for a long time but I can understand it now. You need to stop focusing on limiting beliefs or blocks. Stop thinking AND believing that you have problems that are getting in your way and that you need to overcome them. By holding this perspective, you’re only going to create more problems to overcome. Remember what I’ve been saying that you’re in the end now? Are there any blocks in the end? When the wish is fulfilled? I don’t think so and neither do you! I want you to take the challenge to declare to yourself that you no longer have any limitations. It’s all gone! You’re free now! I want you to wake up everyday and before you get out of bed, you remind yourself that hey, all that stuff is gone now! Nothing to worry about anymore! How good is that?!

I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want.

You keep the faith in the unseen by believing and trusting in yourself. If you accept that you can do anything, that you deserve what you want, that you are the operant power and that everything is coming FROM you, then you know all you need is yourself. Idk it truly is a leap of faith, you need to make a choice. Do you want to live by what is outside of you, or by what’s within you? If you accept the law as true, then you have no choice but to start living by what’s within you. If you’re still sitting there thinking that your world is ruled by the circumstances outside of you then you don’t believe a tiny bit in any of this stuff. You’re truly wasting your time if you hold that perspective in place.

Okay I hope this whole essay I spent hours on helps! Now let’s get you those recs!

You can read most if not all of Neville's work for free here: https://realneville.com/

These are my current favorite Neville Based Teachers:

I am Love / Feeling Twisty (he's also on apple podcasts and spotify I believe)

Here's my own personal playlist of Neville based videos on youtube

There's a LOT of good stuff on reddit tbh, here's pretty much everything I have saved from there:

(ps.: it's good to check the comments on reddit posts because there's usually discussions happening and you can find some good pointers)

EdwardArtSupplyHands Series / Quote

ALLISMIND:

Feelings are your power

How thoughts and beliefs become reality

Overthinking

Superman's way of life

Thinking positive

Living from the Law

There's no reality

You don't believe in the Law

Nothing will change your mind

(ps.: he has A LOT of content, these are just the few I looked into)

Other posts:

Change your mind

It's Real. Success Story

Decide what you want

Self concept and personality

Self concept and self love

Letting go of control

Don't rationalize it

The state of the wish fulfilled

Checkmate 3D

Planting the seeds

Don't react

Faith and Knowledge

Slacker Manifesting

Persistence assumption

Don't complicate it

All you need is reassurance

Brazen Impudence

Manifesting is easy

Practical guide

Why circumstances don't matter

Commit to your desire

Ignore the Outside

Clarifying the Law for beginners

(ps.: These aren't 100% accurate tittles, just based on the actual tittles)

[ynscrazylife]

First, i love your blog! Second, this fandom really loves angst huh! I wanted to request something along the lines of R x lena, where reader finds out/thinks kara has feelings for Lena, and that Lena will leave her once she finds out. BUT, lena doesnt, she stays and chooses R (which I feel like never happens in this angsty requests haha) thanks!!

Only You

Summary: Y/N has some insecurities after finding out that Kara likes her girlfriend, Lena. Lena is there to reassure her.

Authors Note: Thank you and thanks for requesting!

Request to be on a Taglist (or multiple) here! (Taglists are at the end of the fic)

DCEU Masterlist | Main Masterlist

PSA: Do NOT copy, steal, translate, plagiarize, republish, etc any of my works on Tumblr or any other platform. Also, do NOT claim any of my works as your own. All of works are either requests I’ve gotten that people have wanted me to write or original ideas I’ve had for works. If you happen to take inspiration from anything I’ve written and want to write something inspired by that, please a) ask me first and b) IF I say yes, credit me as inspo in your post by tagging me and link whatever work of mine that inspired you. Thanks.

header c @/benoiststuff

Y/N had been involved in the DEO after since she was little, with her father being an agent there, and throughout all her years, nothing and no one was able to throw her off course.

Until Lena came along.

As soon as she saw the tall, dark brunette with thick red lipstick, enter the room and instantly take charge, for the first time in her career, Y/N was severely distracted. Despite the paperwork she was filling out and how determined she had been to finish, Y/N found herself unable to keep her eyes locked on her computer, and instead her gaze trailed after the dashing woman.

Every time Lena neared her desk, Y/N found herself frozen in her seat, the thoughts vanishing from her head and being replaced by fluffy clouds of nothing-ness, only able to concentrate on Lena’s lovely perfume. 

It seemed that she wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding her newfound crush (not that she was actively trying to hide it), because when the DEO had Lena assemble a team of agents to help her with her research, Alex had eagerly suggested Y/N to be one of the agents in that group. 

The moment she heard her name her palms slapped down on the keyboard in surprise and her head popped up, eyes frantic to adjust to whatever she was now being involved with. “Huh?” Was her ‘elegant’ response. 

Alex did not bother to conceal her smirk. “Y/N, you’re going to be apart of Lena’s team,” she said, and when Lena gracefully turned to her, lips curling into a big smile, Y/N felt butterflies swarm her stomach, bouncing around inside. 

The rest was history: by the end of the week, Lena had asked Y/N out on a date, and by the end of the month, they were dating. Y/N had Alex to thank for their relationship and it only strengthened her already close friendship with Alex and, by extension Alex’s younger sister, Kara - also known as Supergirl. 

When Lena and Y/N had gotten more serious, Kara revealed that she was Supergirl, and the couple began going to Kara’s superfriends game nights. 

Their relationship was blooming and Y/N had never been at a happier time in her life. A wonderful, committed girlfriend, a steady job she loved, and amazing and supportive friends. Everything was going great, so when Y/N started to notice Kara hanging out with Lena more and more often, she was in a blissfully ignorant state and did not notice what was actually happening. 

Well, she didn’t notice at first, but when she was going to drop off some papers with Alex who had been training with Kara at the moment, she overheard the sisters’ conversation just before she walked into the room. 

“Alex, I just don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t do anything, Kara . . . I mean, Lena is in love with Y/N.” 

“I know, I know, it’s just so hard seeing them together! Honestly, I think I may be in love with Lena . . .” 

Y/N stopped listening at that point, and instead turning around on her heels, dropping the paperwork on Alex’s desk before sinking into her own seat. She absentmindedly checked her email, not focusing as a gloomy cloud settled in her stomach, almost causing nausea.

As she begin to recall the past couple weeks, Y/N internally facepalmed. It had been so obvious! With how Kara constantly stood next to Lena, found excuses to touch her arm or her hand, laughed at everything she said, and constantly complimented her.

How had she not noticed? And more importantly — how did Lena not notice?!

Shit, did Lena notice?

No, that was silly . . .

But she had to - it was clear as day!

Did she . . . Why didn’t she stop it?

Did she enjoy it?

Did she feel the same way?

Shit, shit, shit!

A feeling of dread overcame and smashed her previous happiness like a large and powerful wave crashing onto a beach. Y/N forced herself to take deep breaths as her mind went into a frenzy, trying and failing to come up with some other reasonable explanation for this.

But she couldn’t convince herself of any other one, so for the next couple days, her behavior had changed drastically. Y/N kept to herself, only spoke when someone was directly speaking to her, and had done her best to avoid Kara and Lena — which was difficult since she lived with Lena.

When the girlfriends were spending their weekend night at their home, Lena finally had a change to confront Y/N.

“Y/N, can I ask you something?”

Y/N’s eyes were trained on the television screen which was showing a movie they had both seen a thousand times. She made no indication of having heard her girlfriend.

“Y/N.”

It took a few moments, but finally her eyes slowly moved away from the team, yet it didn’t meet Lena’s eyes. “Sure,” she murmured.

“There’s something wrong, Y/N, I can tell. Can you tell me what it is?”

The next seconds were agonizingly slow.

“N-nothing is wrong.”

“Y/N, please, I just want to help,” Lena persisted.

Another agonizing couple of seconds.

“Please don’t leave me for her.”

A loud sob left Y/N’s parted lips as she curled forward, wrapping her arms around herself, dipping her head and trembling.

Lena had not expected this and sat up, drawing her eyebrows together. “What? For who?” She demanded, and bit her lip as she hadn’t intended to be so, well, demanding.

“K-Kara. She likes you. And she’s been showing it for weeks and you haven’t stopped her. I-I can’t compete with Supergirl,” Y/N sniffled.

Lena blinked, processing this. After a couple moments, the only sound filling the air being the dull T.V and Y/N’s sniffs, Lena moved closer to her girlfriend.

“No, Y/N, Kara cannot compete with you,” Lena corrected softly.

Y/N slowly picked her head up, and when she turned her head to face her girlfriend, the brunette saw how puffy and red her eyes were.

Lena continued. “I’m so sorry, Y/N, I didn’t notice that she liked me at all - I swear. And I don’t return her feelings. I only love you.”

Y/N’s trembles stopped. “Really?” She asked, and when Lena nodded she happily gasped and then added, “Oh, Len, I’m sorry for thinking that you would like her — I just love you so much and I don’t want to lose you.”

Lena shook her head. “Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for,” she said, before thinking and then leaning forward, locking Y/N’s lips with a kiss, which she gladly returned.

The couple continued on their night, snuggling and trying a movie that none of them had watched before. They fell asleep on the couch, Lena’s arms wrapped around Y/N.

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