#if i get out of germany this year i'll be throwing a party

[caressthosecheekbones]

made a financially unwise decision but thanks to paypal i can put off regretting it for 30 days yay 

[lesamis]

If you're up for it could you explain what is making the Germany government stuff so funny? I can find news articles about it (a coalition is dissolving? There's been tension for a while?) but they're all fairly serious. Thx!

ohhh, sure thing! i'll do my best!

i'll say upfront: this is a pretty serious thing to happen. our chancellor fired our minister of finance, Lindner, which definitively breaks up the governing coalition. germany will likely have snap elections at a moment in which far-right parties are polling extremely well. if news coverage about it seems like people are Worried, that's because, well, they are.

however. the reason it's funny is because our minister of finance was fired. ministers aren't really... ever fired. like, it's not a done thing. i'll fully admit i didn't even know it was an option until yesterday. and our minister of finance wasn't just anyone, he was one of the most mocked and hated figures in politics to germans who vote anywhere left of center.

the coalition that governed until yesterday was made up of the green party, the social democrats, and the neoliberal party (FDP). the FDP is infamous (and i mean, my parents already raised me to hate them for that) for playing kingmaker in coalition governments: they never get all that many votes, but they get just enough that whoever they agree to form a government with will probably succeed. they then tend to force extreme concessions from their coalition partners, because hey, if we walk off, you can't govern at all! so you better play along!

for the past three years, this behaviour has been extremely frustrating for germans who voted for greens or social democrats, because policy from their faction was constantly being blocked by the FDP and often by Lindner personally. the FDP received 11,5% of votes in 2021, but to many of us, it felt as if they were the only party who really had any say in the governing coalition. it made the green and social democratic coalition partners look spineless and passive.

and now, i invite you to imagine how on the day of the US election results, the day the whole world rolled their eyes at the sheer fucking stupidity and pointlessness of it all, at NINE IN THE EVENING, just as germans are getting ready to settle in to bed to dream of nightmare global politics -

the news suddenly breaks that our notoriously invisible chancellor just decided to fire Lindner for that exact behaviour. this chancellor comes out and says, on camera, to the entire sleepy nation, that acting the way Lindner did - blocking necessary policies, refusing to approve budgets unless his party's interests were met - was childish, selfish, irresponsible, and unfit for government, so, whoops, he had to go. shame. coalition over, i guess.

so, politically, that was a long-needed but never-expected moment of triumph for those of us who think the FDP is a clown show made up of human TESLA shares, and it came at a hysterically funny moment.

on a personal level, i can barely explain how uniquely hateable Lindner has always been. he's what would happen if a stock index graph came to life. he hates poor people with a relish; he mocks welfare recipients and would ax minimum wages in a second. he's everyone's business major roommate who shows up in boat shoes fresh off a yacht to discuss NFTs with you. throughout the entire time that he's used his rich boy policy blackmail strategy, he's been smug about it, and he was never taken to task for it, and millions of germans have been longing to throw rotten fruit in his face since 2017. and now we finally get to do it. via memes. on the day of trump's election win.

so that's why it's funny.

[fanficfish]

hetalia parenting hcs and theories

i got on a Sweden kick lately, alright-

Austria wasn't *too* great at parenting (*gestures at Italy*) when he was younger, but to be fair: the man obtained a child, was essentially being bossed around by his younger brother, and also the kid was Italy. His punishments were on the nicer end of the spectrum considering the time period, though-as far as we're aware, his punishments were more towards "stop Italy from eating a fifth serving of pasta" then anything physical (wait is that why Italy's so into pasta now, is it trauma? ...let's not unpack that right now-). But if it's related to art- that he can appreciate, that's the main trait that sticks around with Kugelmugel. Austria would totally get mad at his charges/kids for messing up his own art, but he won't actively stop them from expressing themselves, as an artist that would be hypocritical. He'll deny he cares about his wards when asked, though. Hungary thinks it's cute. And yes, he totally gets Italy to come over to hang out with Kugel because "you're artists, right? Go on, I'll be over in the corner playing Mozart."

China - nah he's just a normal Asian parent. Drives everyone up the wall, means well, stuffs everyone full until they're bursting, then beats them over the head with a frying pan until they finish their chores. Love language? Food. So. Much. Food. Even Japan can't always escape the Family Dinner, and to his great dismay China acts like he's going to starve (he's not, he swears-) and.

America is that dad that has free-range kids, because well. America. Also, he has other things besides parenting 50 states and all of his territories and micronations and Native nations, because do you know how many personifications that is? A lot. He's 400, not 1000, between him and Canada they're kinda just accepted they need to delegate a lot and just never plan on a family dinner-that's why America throws a big party on all major holidays and Canada sometimes joins in ("the states and provinces all hang out anyways"). Both America and Canada but mostly America's inboxes are constantly full, and they have one phone for work and the other nation personifications and whatnot and one for "family matters". It's fine, most of them govern themselves anyways- wait, what do you mean Florida is fighting an aligator on the NASA launchpad-?!

Prussia actually didn't do half bad, but Germany was already half-grown, so that helped. He passed the parenting test with flying colors though.

Denmark (and Norway)....Iceland took one look and wisely decided not to move in with them like other nations were doing with their caretakers and stayed on his island. Away. Far away from Vikings and all the ridiculous things going on with wars and what-gives. He, Greenland, the Farce Islands, Aland- they all were quite content to just ignore the chaos their big brothers were stirring up and to be fair, maybe having the immortal 13-year-olds raising 6-year-olds wasn't the best idea.....Denmark did try, though, when he wasn't being beat up by Sweden or fighting the neighbors. Making trips to Iceland (the country) (with Norway in tow, of course) and bringing gifts from the mainland, and such. Iceland in turn visited, but very rarely- he did his best to jsut skip whatever nightmare Denmark cooked up during the Kalmer Union (wise choice all things considered) and visited only when necessary, no wonder Finland and Sweden didn't really meet him until the 1700s and it took to the 1950s before Iceland deemed his brothers were mostly sane again. But all things considered he got a decent end of the straw, and he got his quiet life, though there's a reason Norway mother hens him (bro feels bad he didn't do much with the kid for the first 800 years after the initial "yo you're mine now, oh wait now we're both Denmark's" thing).. Iceland takes it in stride even if he found out he wasw a bit more touch-starved then he realized. The other Nordics definitrely mother hen him now, and Estonia tries to act like it too but really he ends up like that weird slightly-older cousin who keeps turning up for some weird reason. (Y'all, Estonia and Iceland are physically the same age I can't-)

Sweden is the ultimate dad. Welll, the ultimate dad that spoils his kids but still a dad. Actually pays some degree of attention to the kids he ends up with, even if he isn't technically supposed to acknowledge Ladonia as a country but "c'mon, there' sa personification, and also he's MY kid. I made this. Technically. Don't you DARE touch his laptop". Also Sweden definitely is the one fixing the laptop when something goes wrong, He kind of wishes Ladonia and Sealand meeting didn't happen by Sealand getting super bored and making a micronations club but he supposes at least it worked out. Finland pretends he's staying out of it, but he's kind of hyped there are kids and a dog around. Funnily enough, Selanad only found out later that Iceland is his uncle....after trying to declare he was his "sempai". Iceland was not amused, because dammit he's 1000, you little- Sweden, get your children under control!

England and France.....well, at least France tried to keep America from drinking too much beer once but neither did particularly outstanding jobs. But hey, Canada and America are alive and mostly in one piece! So that's a win, right? Right? Australia, New Zealand, back us up here- PUT DOWN THAT KANGAROO, YOUNG MEN- (England also had a bad habit of delegating but that's what happened when your wards span the whole world and you can't really bring them all home because they're territories and colonies. England the personification was secretly glad he didn't' have to deal with whatever personification nightmare was going on in America after a while). (But they do care enough that England wil still offer calming tea after a good soclsing and lug Sealand home after he sneaks into another world meeting because "you aren't going home at this time of night that's rodiculous- what no ofc i don't care but don't hitchhike back home that's dangeorus!" And France will invite his lot pvwe for dinner and throw "extra things i had lyong around" at them during Paris Fashion Week. They care but in a strange, "we're flipping old ans don't always get ir" way.

And Spain just tried his dammed hardest to keep Romano from doing stupid stuff. Not that it worked, of course, but E for Effort!

I can't think of any more right now. I'll add more when i think of it. Obviously out of everyone, Greece and maybe Egypt probably had the best upbringing. With somewhat-normal parental figures that weren't preteens and teens running around trying to figure out how to care for five-year-olds

[esc-is-holding-me-hostage]

The annual pre-show quick-fire "reviews"

Guess who procrastinated for a month and a half on this post!

Albania An Albanian song starting with a woman going "AaAaAAaaaAAAAA"? Groundbreaking. Duje is a very run-of-the-mill Albanian folk power ballad and at this point, I'm kinda tired of these.

Armenia Music good, lyrics clunky.

Australia It is, dare I say, alright.

Austria A song that everyone thought is gonna be a musical shitpost turned out to be an absolute fucking banger, god bless.

Azerbaijan I'm not sure whether I actually like it a bit or it's just me being happy that Azerbaijan has finally let local artists write their song. Now wait until the twins flop and Azerbaijan goes back to swedes-for-hire next year.

Belgium It's fine.

Croatia Is it weird that I don't have much to say about a song like this? Mama ŠČ is shocking the first time you experience it, and I do like the layers of interpretation, but it's not something I want to return to after a couple listens.

Cyprus Imagine Dragons-ass production, ugh.

Czech Republic It's pretty good but I can't fully enjoy it because of the fucking controversy. Look, I think that the girls had the best intentions in mind when writing My Sister's Crown but didn't realize that singing about Slavic unity and "choose love over power" while having a russian member might come off as problematic. Classic ignorance over malice. Still, I wish they had someone Ukrainian-speaking in the band, at least temporarily for ESC.

Denmark This type of "uwu cute softboy" music is not my thing, but eh, it's fine, I'll let zoomer kids have this one.

Estonia Well someone had to fill the ballad quota this year.

Finland It's crazy, it's party, I'm going to throw hands if it doesn't win the televote.

France Fulenn flopped so now we're back to being aggressively French. Evidemment is a bop, I like it.

Georgia It feels like they had a song that made sense in Georgian and then asked a third-grader to translate it. I'm not opposed to silly lyrics in general, but Echo is clearly trying to be meaningful but then fails at basic english grammar.

Germany "We have Rammstein at home". Blood and Glitter is fine but, I dunno, it feels a bit too "smoothed out". It just doesn't go hard enough (bold words from a Slovenia stan, I know).

Greece The most remarkable thing about this entry for me is that I've been watching Eurovision for longer than Victor has been alive.

Iceland Wish Diljá stuck with the Icelandic version.

Ireland I didn't mind We Are One at first but with every listen it just kept getting worse. This is such a formulaic, cliche, cheesy love-love-peace-peace wet napkin of a song. I've already complained about Portion Boys making a generic "eurovision unity anthem" for UMK but at least they tried to be funny. This one feels like a lazy attempt to game the system WITHOUT KNOWING HOW THAT SYSTEM ACTUALLY WORKS.

Israel My god, so much hype before the song's release and we got this? There are so many parts in this song but somehow forgot to put in a proper chorus, it's like Sekret all over again.

Italy L'essenziale is the one Italian ESC song that I always forget about. And now Due Vite is bound to join it. Eh, at least my mom loves it.

Latvia Didn't care about it when the Supernova songs first dropped, but now I'm vibing with it so much.

Lithuania It's okay ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. The "Čiūto tūto"s saved it from being totally forgettable.

Malta Somehow they've managed to find a half-decent song in the pile of garbage that was MESC. It's alright but I wish that I liked it more.

Moldova So "token pagan rave song of the year" is a thing now, huh? Glad to see Pasha's back.

The Netherlands It starts off really boring, but picks up around the second verse and becomes pretty good by the end.

Norway I think I like it but for some reason, my brain doesn't register it as a song??? It's hard to explain, but I don't see Queen of Kings as something you would listen to without some kind of visuals.

Poland Ughhhh. It's basically impossible to judge Solo on its own merit, but I'll try. And my impartial judgment is: I don't like it. Rigged selection or not, I just hate this kind of songs in general.

Portugal One of those songs that I like a lot but don't have anything specific to say about.

Romania The song's okay, and the vocals are good, but the staging is just beyond tacky. Dude, you can't pull off this type of cool, sexy image while looking like a wimpy history major freshman who barely ever shows up to class.

San Marino ... I'm a Piqued Jacks apologist now. Yeah, the lyrics are cringe, but the music? I enjoy it absolutely unironically.

Serbia "I just wanna close my eyes And just get it over with"

Yeah, dude, me too. The most relatable song of the year.

Slovenia I've jumped on the Joker Out hype train as soon as they were announced as Slovenia's participants and I'm riding that train all the way to Liverpool. Favorite song of the year.

Spain Hey, spaniards have finally gotten an artsy song about motherhood as their ESC entry! I have similar feelings about Eaea as I did about In Corpore Sano last year: absolutely mesmerizing on stage, but not something I would listen to casually.

Sweden She's gonna win, ain't she? I mean, Tattoo is fine, and the staging elevates it immensely, but it's such a predictable winner. I want more INTRIGUE, okay?

Switzerland Oh wow, boring AND tone-deaf? Switzerland is breaking new ground this year. I initially placed Watergun 31st but since then it sunk to the very bottom. Like, someone wrote this song, sat on it for several years, and decided that NOW is the best time to send it to Eurovision. Nothing against Remo, but "war bad, i don't want to go to war :c" is uhhh, rich coming from someone living in fucking Switzerland.

Ukraine I can't shake the thought that they first came up with a standard "I'm so cool, you can't hurt me, idgaf" song and then retroactively tried to give it a deeper meaning.

United Kingdom I don't even think it's a bad song and yet I lowkey hate it. It's the beat, it's driving me nuts for some reason. People hate the spoken word part, but I like it because you don't hear that bloody "dun-da-da-dun" for once.

[peppermint-chocolate-cherries]

Hetalians as Characters in A Christmas Carol

So it's that time of year, and every year I watch the same Christmas movies over and over again. A classic in this house, also my mom's favourite version of it, is A Christmas Carol from 1951 starring Alastair Sim. Yes, I deliberately tracked down the DVD for her one year, and ironically I now have the working DVD player in the house.

I thought of these Hetalians as these characters in years past, thinking "one of these years I'll write the full fanfiction and post it", but since I never seem to get around to it... why don't I just cast everyone below the cut here?

Ebenezer Scrooge - Switzerland. This one should be so fucking obvious.

Marley, his dead business partner - Netherlands. All about the money.

Ghost of Christmas Past - Ukraine. You know she'd be the supportive guide, leading Switzy through exploring his past.

Ghost of Christmas Present - Russia. Don't tell me he couldn't play the jovial role of a Father Christmas type figure here. Plus the undertone of creepiness for his departure scene, where he becomes anxious to get out of there before the next ghost shows up.

Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come - Belarus. She doesn't even need to say a fucking word. She'll just stand there ominously, in a black dress and a dark veil that covers her head, and terrifies Switzy into changing his ways.

In The Past...

Fan, Ebenezer's sister - Liechtenstein. Poor sweet sister who tries to bring him back home to the family. Eventually dies in childbirth, which breaks her brother's heart.

Fezziwig, Ebenezer's first employer - Spain. You know the Spaniard would be a kind employer who would throw the best work party for the holidays.

Alice, Ebenezer's sweetheart - Hungary. Yes, perhaps my first thoughts of SwissHun, before I wrote Only Aces Remain or plotted Havana Lunare. Erzsébet would be happy with the relationship when they were young and humble, but would call it quits when the golden idol of wealth takes her place in his heart.

Jorkin, Ebenezer's next employer - Austria. A man who appears wealthy and influential, but ultimately gets caught up in embezzlement and bad business. He'll get bought out by Switzy and Ned.

Fan's husband (shows up in the background for the one scene in the movie) - Prussia. Yes, I'm breaking canon rules and throwing away the family lineage. Erika marries Gilbert, and dies giving birth to their son, who you can probably guess before I mention him later.

In The Present....

Bob Crachit - France. Keep following me on this....

Mrs Crachit - England (nyo). Yes, we get our FRUK pairing, which also means....

Assorted young Crachits - FACE family! Alfred can be the young man of the house, Madeline can be the eldest daughter who had to clear snow at the school/church before running home, you know where I'm going with this.

Tiny Tim - Sealand. Given the above, this should also be an obvious choice.

Fred, Ebenezer's nephew - Ludwig. Yes, Germany is the child of PruLiech as mentioned above. The young man is very happy in life, has married for love, and will at least try every year to convince his stubborn uncle to actually enjoy the holidays.

Fred's unnamed wife - Italy (nyo). Yes, we can have our heteronormative Gerita in this too. She'll be hosting the party with Fred, and Lovino can be one of the guests.

Mrs Dilber, the charwoman at Scrooge's house - Belgium. She just takes care of the cleaning and such, tries to sell his bedsheets and bedcurtains in the future yet to come, and gets a fright when he's way too happy on Christmas morning.

[whoreforfiction93]

LOOK AT ME

Hero x Y/N

Summry:

Hero & Y/N have been friends for years. You can't even understand why he is friends with you much less love you more than a friend.

You and Hero had been friends since you were eight. You moved to a new school, shy, and quirky. You knew why you two were friends then but now. Now was a totally different story. You both had grown. Yet, you had grown wider. You hated shopping for clothes. They made you feel disgusting. You hated your body. All the curves and rolls. Hero was a different story. He sprouted up into a very handsome lad. He was perfect. That body stayed in shape because of football. He had no problem with his image.

All girls wanted to be close to him like you but hated you. The guys wanted to be him and gave looks when he was around you. At twenty-four things were very different.

You were listening to your music while studying in the library. You went every Friday. Getting that degree was not going to come easily. So, every day since freshman year, you were caught in a text book on Friday, instead of out with friends.

This Friday was not one of those days. This Friday there were no school books. It was the end of the semester and classes were over. There was just one last hoorah. Party of the year is what some would say. But it's a party they throw every year when students get out of school. Even though Hero didn't go to university he was still always invited, given who he was.

I was only invited because I was friends with him. I very rarely ever went to any party. I rather be reading or finding new ways to spend my time. Especially away from people.

So, getting an invite, especially from Mr. Tiffin himself was weird. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"Since this is a library and I like to read. I'm having tea with the queen." I try my best to get back to the book I'm reading. But Hero just stands there. I sigh, looking up. "What do you want?" I lay my book down.

He smirked. "I'm so glad you asked. See, there is this party happening. You know the one that ends the school year. 'The party'."

"Yeah. You go to it every year even though it's always the same."

"Not every year. Last year Kif..." I glared at him. "Anyways, come this year. You have only been to one."

I huffed a laugh. "That's all I need. It was awful. Someone almost puked on me."

"Almost being the key word. Please say you'll come. It'll be fun. I need a wing woman."

"I'm not going to be your wing woman Hero. You can find someone on your own."

He sighed. "Fine. I really would love if you came. I am leaving for Germany for a press event the day after tomorrow. I just wanted to spend time with you. Have fun."

"Why didn't you just say that in the first place. Gesh, it's like you just met me Hero." I smack him playfully. "I'll come. Once I'm over it, I'm out."

"Of course. Just be there to chill. I'll pick you up tonight at nine." He kissed my cheek and walked off.

I really don't want to go. But Hero loves these end of the year parties. He loves hanging out with his friends. They always miss him considering he works a lot. I was the only one not allowed to miss him. If I was on break, he would take me with him.

I sighed, gathering my things. I better get started on what to wear. God knows I need the time. I had no clue what I was going to wear. I hate clothes.

I had been putting on and taking off clothes for 2 hours now. My room was a mess. My mother would kill me if she saw how it was. I finally grabbed some clothes and jumped in the shower.

I straightened my hair, put on a little makeup, and picked out my favorite doc Martens. I thought I looked good. I just hope it was an appropriate outfit for a end of the year university party.

I sat there waiting patiently reading. There was a hard knock. Thank God, finally. I opened the door to a very handsome Hero. I loved his outfit. He could wear a potato sack and still look good.

"Wow. You look incredible Y/N." He lingered his eyes up and down your body. Your cheeks heating up.

"Thank you. Ready to party?"

He cleared his throat. "Of course. Let's go."

As we got closer and closer to the party. You got more anxious. You hated that you came. But you only did it for him. You love him. Even if it never went anywhere. The car pulled up to a huge house full of people. You tighten your hands on your skirt.

Hero's hand laid on yours. "When you want to go, just tell me. You look amazing. Let's just have fun. Right."

You nodded. "Yeah, fun. I'll do my best."

He kissed your cheek before helping you out. As you two got further to the front door and more people noticed Hero, they swarmed. Hero politely said hi and kept walking. He never let go of your hand doing so.

The girls were giving you looks. You couldn't help he was your best friend. But their looks also made you feel like you didn't deserve to be there by his side.

"Hero. Can we get a drink?" You needed to calm your nerves. You rarely drank but this was an exception.

Hero led the way to the kitchen. He poured you both a drink. The kitchen had less people. It felt better not having all their biddy eyes on you. Hero was talking to a couple of the frat brothers. There had been only one you liked out of the group. He was like a golden retriever.

He came up, giving you a hug. "Long time no see. How's school?"

"Nice to see you Dylan. It's been good. I study like crazy."

He gave a crooked grin. "Of course. Got to pass those classes. I think I failed a class but I'll get tutor next semester."

"If you need a tutor. I can help." You took a sip of your drink nervously.

"Really? That would be amazing. Who knows we might even be more than study partners."

You giggled. Was he flirting? "What do you mean?"

"Go on a date with me?"

Before you could answer an arm swung around your shoulders. "Babe, who's this?"

You gave Hero a death glare. Dylan spoke. "I was just asking Y/N on a date." Dylan looked to you. "What do you say?"

Hero stiffened. "She's taken."

"By who?" You glared at him.

Dylan chuckled. "Hero if you want her, you're going to have to make her aware." Dylan looked back to you. "You got my number."

He kissed your cheek before leaving. If only his kiss left behind a burn like Hero's. Thinking of, you turned to him. "What the actual hell was that?"

He just gave you a long look over. "I saw how he was looking at you Y/N. He only wants one thing."

Hero had no right. "So. Maybe I wanted it too."

"Don't be bloody serious. He is only asking you out to prove something to his friends."

"It doesn't matter Hero. You don't do that. You were a dick." You stomped off. You didn't know what Hero was playing at. He couldn't say those things when you'd never be his. You decided to go upstairs to get away from the loud music. There was one room no one was allowed in. The parents room. It had a balcony. Good place to get away.

You watched as college students stumbled out drunk. Some were making out. Others arguing. The night was not going too well. You wished Dylan would have never spotted you.

A throat cleared. "You know you can't be in here. Off limits."

Hero. "Exactly why I am. Plus it's quiter."

"I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you Y/N. I just don't like the guy. He only ever wants one thing from girls."

You scoffed a laugh. "Doesn't matter. He would have never actually went with me. I can't give him what he wants."

"What do you mean?" You stayed silent. "Y/N, look at me."

You turned around to see Hero. More serious than you've ever seen him. "I mean, I'm not his type. I'm not thin."

Hero slowly stalked over to you. Lifting your face to meet his. "You're beautiful."

"You have to say that. You're my best friend." You tired looking away. That made Hero keep your head in place too keep looking at him.

"I want to be more." You searched his eyes. There was nothing but truth.

"What if others talk?"

"I don't care. I've been hiding my feelings for too long. Dylan flirting with you just proved I needed to man up and tell you." Before you could say another word, his lips crashed into yours. It was slow, sweet, want.

You tired blushing away. "Look at me, Y/N. I want you. Us."

You knew that's what you wanted. You just never dreamed it would happen. You smiled. "I want you, us, too."

[jeonfiles]

once more to see you | kth 01

pairing: taehyung x reader ft. seokjin

genre: angst, fluff, unrequited love

synopsis: taehyung is the complete opposite of you, and you're so in love with him. he's not interested in you at all, but he's willing to pretend so he won't be known for breaking the sweetest girl in school's heart. he knows you'll end up hurt either way.

warnings: taehyung is an idiot, a lot of pining, y/n is annoyingly dependent on validation, y/n does a lot of silent prayers, y/n is a track star, childhood bsf seokjin (cute), mentions of deceased family member

music for this chap: she had the world , carry me out

a/n: taehyung will disappoint u in the beginning but hes cute i promise

"I get why you like him Y/N," Sohee swallowed the rest of her sandwich before finishing her sentence, "He's so hot. People say he's interested in you too, y'know?"

Sohee visibly tried to get food out from the back of her mouth using her tongue, and it made you chuckle at the sight. "I don't think he does." You sighed, resting your chin in your palm.

You were both situated at the table in the inner corner of the cafeteria, with a full view of who walks in the door, and sometimes you swore you could see Sohee drool when attractive guys walked in that exact door.

"Hello, of course, he does! Even his friend Jimin told Kang Seulgi from Class 1, who told Go Euntaek in class 3, who eventually told his girlfriend Baek Ho-rang who ran to me to tell me the great news." Sohee gasped for air after rambling, and you rolled your eyes,

"Stories change when that many links contribute." You scoffed, sitting back in your chair and reaching for your juice box on the table, taking a huge slurp, which you knew would annoy Sohee.

"You don't believe me? Guess we gotta ask a link closer to the source then." Sohee stood up from her chair, and you looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Park Jimin, get your ass over here will ya?" She nearly shouted across the cafeteria, and now all looks were pointed at you two, and you felt the urge to just slip down the cracks of the floor tiles and hide there forever grow stronger for each nanosecond.

You sunk further down on your tacky, orange chair, but you could still see Jimin's black locks sway a little over the crowd as he walked over to the table you were sitting at.

"What's up sugar?" Jimin smirked at Sohee, and Sohee didn't even budge, and you had no idea how she did it. He was stupidly attractive and could make any girl drop her pants with a comment like that.

"Jimin my dearest, a little birdie told me that Taehyung likes my sweet Y/N, could you confirm?" She batted her long lashes and smiled prettily at Jimin.

He looked to the left, sucked his teeth, and said, "I can't, I'm sorry." You realized you had grown a little too hopeful, and your heart sunk quite a bit when he spoke.

"Does he think I'm pretty at least?" You spoke up, eyes shining when you looked up towards the standing Jimin, the harsh lights in the cafeteria reflecting in them.

"He hasn't mentioned you much, to be quite honest." He shrugged, walking back to his table, where Taehyung and the rest of his friends sat.

Your heart thumped when he met your eyes, and you looked away in panic. The rest of lunch was just Sohee apologizing and you avoiding eye contact with any of the students at the nearby tables.

Jimin mentioned you and Sohee's name several times, he was a loud speaker, and you were so scared of what he was saying you could probably die right then and there.

Saved by the bell, you picked up your stuff and got ready to start running to your classroom, praying you wouldn't meet any of Taehyung's friends, and especially not Taehyung as you ran Usain Bolt style.

You looked down while running, not thinking twice about leaving your best friend behind, you suddenly fell to the ground with a thud. This was surely not one of your glory days.

When you looked up, you wanted to cry. It was none other than Kim Taehyung, and he didn't look pleased. You gathered your things and muttered "Sorry." under your breath probably about 10 times, and he just watched, disappointingly.

"You're a klutz. Why were you running?" He spoke, and your knees turned into jelly when you tried to stand up, you nearly fell and dropped all your stuff again, but he caught you by the arm, straightening you up like it was nothing.

"Uh... Uhm... Err..." you mumbled, and he rolled his eyes, and not in a joking manner. "Fuck that, why are you going around telling people I like you?"

Your breath hitched, and he stared at you coldly. "I didn't! Gosh, my friend Sohee told me someone had told her that you liked me, and- uh... We asked Jimin, and-" He put his hand over your mouth, making you shut up.

"I don't want you two to go around making up baseless rumors about me, it's incredibly annoying for me to go around correcting people who assume shit just because your little friend speaks louder than a bunch of hyenas at a tea party." Taehyung nearly spat, and you took a step back.

You noticed that people were listening in, their stares burning holes in your back. He was livid, and you didn't understand why, you just smiled, praying to god that this would end soon.

"I just thought you liked me-" You began, and he interrupted you, "You thought I was gonna like someone like you? Get over yourself and enter the real world."

The hallway went silent, your lips trembled as hot tears raced down your face, and like the track star you were, you fled the scene and passed the finish line into the bathrooms.

You stayed till the school day ended, not knowing what was unraveling outside the four walls of the stall.

Sohee 💜: 01:12 pm

Y/N, where are you? i heard what happened :( i hate taehyung im gonna chop his sausage off

Sohee 💜: 01:38 pm

taehyung is fighting w doyoung because doyoung decided to defend you this is hilarious

but fr where are you

Sohee 💜: 01:57 pm

doyoung gave taehyung a black eye damn

doyo is on the verge of tears when taehyung said you liked him and not doyo

taehyung cant not have feelings for you like there must be smth deeper going on

Sohee 💜: 03:39 pm

class just ended i'll wait out back

Sohee always knew when to leave you alone, so she did, partially. You usually shut off your phone when you're upset, but she still sends you texts to update you whenever you turn it back on.

This time, it was quite dramatic, and you rushed out of the icky stall and ran (again) to reach Sohee to get the full story, and as you expected, it was interesting.

"Basically, Doyoung punched Taehyung and Taehyung was a little too OP, so he failed to initiate a fight, so it just turned into Taehyung being an ass to Doyoung for defending you." She shrugged, adjusting the straps of her leather backpack as you walked home.

"Taehyung's rep is so tainted right now, I don't know how he's gonna fix this my dear Y/N, so I guess he got his karma. He's an idiot and I'm glad other people are starting to see."

You nodded yes, pushing out a fake chuckle, while silently you prayed that everything would soon be back to normal and that Taehyung would forgive you for the mess you caused.

Being in love with Taehyung for a year had taken a toll on you, and your best friend since freshman year had noticed too. You were different.

You used to be so independent and optimistic, but now you would strive for validation, and you had turned into one of the most insecure people Sohee had ever met.

Sohee tried to pull you away from him, but to her demise, it only got worse when you tried to meet other guys. She figured that the only way for you to disconnect from him was if you had your go with him, or if he treated you like a complete idiot.

You waved goodbye to Sohee as you entered your house, kicking off your shoes and throwing yourself down on the couch. You wanted to scream, but you saw your brother's and another guy's shoes in your hallway, so you kept it inside.

After having watched an episode of Seinfeld, you could hear the floorboards creak, and your gaze found its way to the hallway, where your brother, Yoongi stood, peeking out from his door.

"Ah, Y/N, you're the one who's home?" He smiled brightly, eyes turning into small crescents, which made you awe at the sight.

"Yuppers." You said and sat back again, pressing play to start the next episode. "Who's your guest?" And as you uttered your last word, another head peeked out from the door, and you couldn't help but feel the happiness brew inside you.

It was Kim Seokjin in all his glory, and this time, he looked even hotter. It had been about two years since you last saw him because he moved to Germany to study medicine.

Seokjin had been your neighbor since you were born, and you pretty much grew up with two older brothers who always took care of you.

No one dared to mess with you, because Seokjin and Yoongi always got to them first. That way, you grew up without a care in the world, protected from all evil.

You had no idea when you fell in love with him. It was somewhere during puberty, where your interest in Brad Pitt and Kim Soohyun from Dream High had grown stronger.

You remember Seokjin was scouted for modeling, acting, and even idol groups all through your childhood. He did a few ads, photoshoots, a popular teenage drama called Double Trouble, and even managed to get his own Wikipedia page.

There was no doubt that Seokjin was an attractive man, and in the two years he had been gone, his face fat was completely gone, and he had defined cheekbones, a slimmer and tighter figure, and you thought he couldn't be any more perfect.

"None other than God himself," Seokjin said smugly, opening his arms to greet you with a hug, and you threw your blanket you were covered into the side as you bolted into Seokjin's arms, legs wrapped around his waist.

He slowly put you down so your feet touched the parquet, and you felt a kind of euphoria as he smiled at you again, the same smile he had flashed you as long as you could remember.

Everything about Seokjin had matured and changed, but his smile remained the same. "What are you doing back?" You sniffled, holding back the happy tears that were forming in your eyes.

"Hey, don't get me wrong, I love Germany, but it's a little bland. I miss ahjumnas complimenting me on the subway and the bomb ass food here in SK." Seokjin grinned as he wiped a tear that fell down your face.

Yoongi was leaning against the door frame, smiling at the grand reunion. You knew he liked seeing you two together, and you had a small suspicion about him shipping you guys.

"Please don't ever leave again." You gripped onto his shirt, digging your face down in his chest, and he said, "I swear to god if you're wearing makeup right now-"

You laughed as you pushed him away, placing your hands below your chin and batting your eyelashes dramatically, "I'm all-natural."

"Naturally pretty." Seokjin leaned forward and whispered in your ear, and your heart did a little somersault.

Seokjin's always been a charmer.

You woke up in your room, pink sheets draped over your half-naked body as tons of messages poured in on your phone, vibrating so much it nearly fell off the edge of your nightstand.

You grab it while rubbing your eyes, and you're shocked to see the messages that had exploded on your lock screen.

Unknown: 08:39 am

Hey, it's Kim Taehyung.

Look, I'm sorry for the shit I said to you and I would love to make it up to you in some kind of way.

Maybe I could take you out?

I get it if you don't want to, but I heard you were interested in me so...

What kinda food do you like? Activities, hobbies?

I really wanna make this right :)

You: 08:43 am

oh hey! I'd love to, you kinda owe me one. if it's your treat, I suppose we could get some sushi and boba...

btw I don't like u like that

Contact made, saved as "taehyung <3" at 08:44 am

taehyung <3: 08:47 am

Okay. Meet me at Nori Table at 6 pm. Don't make me wait.

Your heart was palpitating, and when you pressed your phone up to your chest, you could feel your body heat up from your scalp to your toes.

Maybe Kim Taehyung had no interest in you right now, but he sure would after tonight. You were gonna make him love you, soon enough,

Running to the shower a few hours of Seinfeld later, you scrubbed with all your might with your newest strawberry scrub, did your makeup, curled your hair, and sat down on the couch, outfit draped over the armrest of the chair.

It was an hour till you were leaving, so for the time being you sat with hair rollers in your hair, dressed in pink sweats. Seokjin and Yoongi had been awake all night, you had heard them laugh and play Mario Cart all night, it reminded you of old times.

Old times where you went to bed crying because Yoongi and Seokjin's bedtime was later than yours at sleepovers. Thinking back, your parents made a pretty rational decision, but you resented them for it.

When Seokjin left for school in Germany, during your Sophomore year you cried again. You thought it was so unfair that you had to be two years younger, why couldn't you come with him?

You were painfully in love with him, and you had been probably since you were. A few months after he moved, your feelings faded. You were love-free, only to fall stupidly in love again with Taehyung just a year later.

You were forced to snap out of your train of thought because you heard the floorboards creak again. When you looked over at the dark hallway, you saw a tired, yet familiar face smile at you.

Seokjin looked quite disoriented, hair ruffled and eyes puffy, yet he looked like a Greek god. Sculpted to perfection, he smiled at you like he did yesterday and all the times before.

"Morning." He grunted out, his morning voice prominent. You chuckled when you looked at the time, feeling kind of bad for Seokjin who had slept away the majority of his day, which you knew he didn't like.

"It's 5 pm, cutie. Mom said you guys could order takeout, cause she's working late." You stood up, and Seokjin gave you a good look up and down, and then diverted his gaze to the lavender ruffle skirt and white long-sleeve blouse you had neatly hung over the armchair.

"What's the occasion?" He nodded over at the clothes and then your hair rollers and full-face makeup-covered face. He threw a few walnuts from the little bowl on the coffee table into his mouth.

"It's none of your business, but I have a date tonight," you said smugly, and a walnut flew out of Seokjin's mouth in shock.

"A date? Like a real one?" He frantically asked, and you nodded as you walked away with your outfit in hand.

You came back out minutes later, and Seokjin had to hold his mouth shut so it wouldn't drop to the floor. You had matured so well, a white blouse adorning your waist, and the lavender skirt hugged your curves nicely.

You had decorated your neck and ears with golden jewelry, and you had a pair of Air forces dangling from your left hand. You were beautiful, hair let free from the hair rollers, curls swaying as you did a twirl.

"It's alright, I guess." He pretended not to care, and your proud grin morphed into a frown pretty quickly, and he noticed.

He stood up and walked towards you, standing very close. His tall figure was hovering over you. Seokjin leaned forward towards your ear, not whispering this time,

"You're gorgeous." He pushed your curls behind your shoulder, adjusting your golden necklace as he returned to Yoongi's bedroom.

You were screwed.

The time on your phone showed 6:06 pm. You recall him saying ‘don’t be late’. What a hypocrite. It had started to pour down, so you were squeezed up against the brick wall of the restaurant so the ledge above you would shield you from the rain.

You were shaking from the cold, legs exposed because of your skirt. Sighing deeply, you reached down into your purse to text Taehyung, but when you looked up, you saw him running over to you.

He was holding a bouquet of pink delphinium and peonies. You’d always been interested in flowers, and this small gesture made you all fuzzy inside.

“I apologize for my late arrival m’lady. The flower shop was about to close down for the day, and I had to beg the cashier to let me in, promising to buy a huge bouquet if she did.” He smiled as he stood in front of you.

“No worries sir, I haven’t been waiting for long.” You chuckled, as you accepted the bouquet. His eyes scanned every inch of your body, and he said, “You’re shivering. Let’s go inside.”

This was a side of Taehyung you had barely seen before, caring and warm. This was also the side of him that initially made you fall for him.

The memories of him reading stories for children at the hospital was heartwarming. Whenever you went to visit your brother, who has now passed, you would see him read stories for all the unlucky kids.

Your brother, who was only 7 years old talked about Taehyung like a superhero, and it seemed as if Taehyung’s stories were the highlight of his days at the hospital.

Daejung wasn’t a kid you would pity. In his last months in the hospital he never once cried. You believed that Taehyung was a big part of the reason.

That’s why you fell in love with him. He hadn’t been a superhero in the form of saving lives, but he definitely made a whole lot of sick kids happier.

How could you ever repay him?

Taehyung rested a hand on your shoulder and lead you inside the door, and there stood a beautiful tall woman, black hair to her waist, almond-shaped eyes, and full lips.

She was beautiful. You looked up to see Taehyung’s reaction, and he wasn’t looking at her, he was looking at you. His eyes met yours, and you could’ve sword the whole world stopped.

“Excuse me?” An unfamiliar voice spoke up, and it kicked you right back into reality. It was the pretty woman speaking, an even prettier voice to match her.

“Do you have a reservation?” She questioned, smiling so genuinely from ear to ear. “Yes. It’s on Kim.” Taehyung spoke so confidently.

“Ah, for two. I’ll be your server tonight.” She waved for you to follow her, and before she turned around, you saw her name tag.

Bae Eunmi. A pretty name for a pretty person. Of course, she had to be pretty. Your confidence sunk even lower, and your insecurities grew.

“I’m not interested in her, by the way. I’ve talked to her before. She’s all beauty and no brains. Not for me.” Taehyung whispered into your ear, possibly to reassure you.

You sat down at the table and ordered a huge plate of different types of sushi, maki, nigiri, uramaki, and even sashimi.

This restaurant was fancy, nearly too fancy for your liking. It was huge and flashy, and it made you doubt your outfit choice completely.

The restaurant fell silent since there weren’t many guests here this early. The silence wasn’t awkward between you guys. It was just, too silent, and you decided to break it.

“Do you still write stories?” Taehyung’s face froze. How did you know about the stories he wrote? Had you been stalking him? Was this when everyone would find out how weak he truly is?

“How did you find out... About them?” He asked hesitantly, fidgeting with a small woven basket with bread placed on your table.

“When sun and moon met, moon felt bad. When the moon was alone at night, he cried, because he wanted to shine just like the sun.” You quote his story word by word, it was your favorite paragraph.

He looked at you with a confused look and his eyes told you that he wondered why you knew the story so well.

Before he could speak up, you said, “My brother's name was Daejung. He looked up to you and constantly told me about how he wanted to be like you when he grew up.” You placed your hands on top of his over the table.

Taehyung was speechless. He sat there, body completely frozen as he processed what you just said. The little boy he had mourned for many months was the same flesh and blood as you.

“Daejung told me how he wanted me to marry you because he thought no one else deserved me.” Letting go of his hands, he continued sitting completely still.

First, he felt disappointed in himself. Disappointed of the way he had treated you, how sad Daejung would be if he knew.

Second, he could see him in your traits. Your button nose matched his completely, and your eyes sparkled just the way his eyes did.

Third, he realized he had to take care of you. Fall in love with you, for Daejung. Taehyung had promised the little boy to take care of his friends and family when he has at his worst.

His expression completely changed. It softened, and his eyes looked at you like you were godsent. He believed you were too. It was fate.

join the “once more to see you” taglist

a/n: u guys know the angst isn't over lol u guys r never gonna see the light at the end of the tunnel ! this chapter was originally a bit longer but i have to test the waters and seeing how u guys like it !! pls reblog <3

[froggie-recs-fics]

How about a winterion fic rec- preferably post cw and anti the rest of team cap? I loooove those (also wanted to say thank you for what you do! Happy holidays! ♥️)

Aw it is completely my pleasure! And thank you <3!

Honestly, I don't read many anti-team Cap fics, but I have some winteriron post-CW fic recs. I'll organize them the best I can! All of these are post-CW :)

Thanks for sending in a request!

Anti-Team Cap

Changing Fate by Wix (T, CNTW, 27K, pre-slash, Time Travel)

Tony dies in Siberia under the hands of Captain America, but fate doesn't leave it there. He opens his eyes several years earlier amidst the threat of Loki's invasion and the first assembling of the 'Avengers'. Tony may not understand why he got this second chance, but he's going to do better with it - and he's decided that he's going to share it. With a Winter Soldier who could really use a different hand than he was dealt.

Never let it be said that fate doesn't have a sense of humor.

Forms of Love by bear_bell (E, 33K, Dissociative Identity (WS and Bucky are different people))

Months after the Avengers' dispute in Germany, the team returns to the US and moves back into the tower. As always, everyone pretends that nothing happened. Tony is just fine with this. He's used to pretending, and he'll be damned if he lets any of them see him flinch.

Tony's the bad guy, after all. He's used to it. He's fine with it. He's good at it.

Only now, there's something far worse loitering around the tower - The Winter Soldier. No one notices the guy at first, but when they do, Tony figures that he should have the soldier's back.

Birds of a feather should flock together, and the bad guys should start a book club.

The Mistletoe Kiss Polka by RayShippouUchiha @rayshippouuchiha (M, 11K, Angst, Holiday)

“That’s a damn shame,” Tony says, voice practically dripping with insincerity. He has zero interest in playing whatever party game Wilson’s come up with in order to try and boost team morale.

Tony already knows how well that particular situation would likely play out if he was involved.

“They engaged in the game known as Secret Santa,” FRIDAY keeps going. “Since you were not available the last name in the pot was to be assigned to you automatically.”

“Of course it was,” Tony waves a hand absently in the air around him. “Look FRI you can pick whatever for whoever I’m getting saddled with and be done with it. Just … throw some money at them or something. I don’t actually care.”

“Actually, Boss,” FRIDAY cuts in. “I believe you’re going to want to handle this one on your own.”

Just Let Me Breathe by ali_aliska (M, 9K, Hanahaki Disease, Friends to Lovers, Angst)

James didn’t notice the first itch in his throat, too enamored by the sight of Tony, too distracted by his selfish wishes to have this man’s love.

He didn’t realize this would be the end until the first red petal fell from his lips.

A Tug in the Right Direction by ali_aliska (T, 8K, Polyamory, Dissociative Identity (WS and Bucky are different people))

On his way home, Tony finds an injured stray in an alley and despite his best intentions, ends up adopting the dog.

As dogs tend to do, the newest furry Compound resident makes everyone’s lives just a little bit brighter (unless one dares to wish harm upon Tony), up to and including throwing off the whole betting pool and accomplishing what the rest of the team had been unable to do in regards to the three pining idiots.

Team Cap Neutral or Positive

It was Never Just Coffee by TheSopherfly @sopherfly (G, 2K, Fluff)

Bucky starts making Tony coffee. Really good coffee. Finally, Tony asks why.

Winter Wooer by salytierra @fakesheep-luna-blog (M, 8K, Polyamory, Dissociative Identity (WS and Bucky are different people))

Winter may not be the most pleasant guy to live or share your body with, but he isn't nearly as destructive as everybody expected him to be either. He likes to brood in the corners, watch British TV, and freak people out. And Tony. He really, really likes Tony Stark. There's just one problem – Bucky's pretty sure he doesn't feel the same way about the guy.

The only thing you need to know about this story is that no matter how much you like winteriron, you'll never ship them as much as Steve ships them here.

Four Strings and Second Chances by Vashoth (M, Violence, 35K, Fix-it, Angst)

It was reluctance to let one of his finest inventions ever out of his grasp that made him take a couple days over a week to send the arm to Pepper’s office. But all things considered, Tony figured that sending finest prosthetic that had ever come into existence--literally grasping an olive branch--was one of the classiest gifts he’d ever given. He’d included a note and everything. ‘Barnes,

Can help with installation. Or not. Up to you. --Stark'

[antiherocorner]

Huh... Alright, I'm doing... I think I'm doing it...

This is my very first fanfic ever... I'm still learning... This is a part 1 thing... I'm currently in the middle of a university exam period, so I couldn't finish the whole story yet, but I will as soon as I can, but I don't want to wait anymore... My English is okay-ish... It's not my native language, so there maybe some grammatical mistakes, I hope it's still readable... I tried my best... Just bear with me, I'll try to learn and improve... I'm very nervous...

Facts about the story: there is no age mentioning, Reader is around 25-26, I made Daniel younger in my head, 34-36 (single, no wife, no kids, let's respect the real Brühl family), Reader is female, I am Hungarian as well (possible Hungarian language in the future), I'm studying Russian (possible Russian language in the future), and I just started learning German, I used translater (sorry if I messed it up but, I really tried, please tell me if it's horrible), and one more thing... I have never met Daniel, nor I went to Berlin (yet, I really want to, and planning)... All of this are imagination, dreaming, and a little searching...

Warnings: none?... i think?... Apart from the horrible language uses and horrible jokes... Maybe swearing.

(Bad) Summary: a Hungarian girl goes to Berlin with a Russian friend of hers, as tourists. They always wanted to visit the city (not because Reader has a crush on the one and only Daniel Brühl, and wants to go to his tapas bar...of course). When the Reader goes back alone to the bar, Daniel is there too... The big meeting, adventures, fun, love, shitty romcom vibes ahead... (i hope the story is better than the summary...)

And now, after this awkward rambling, I present to you:

-----------------------------------

With Love from Berlin

Part 1

You couldn’t believe it. Finally, after months of preparation, you and your best friend were finally here, in the heart of Germany, Berlin. It was very different from what you were used to. Coming from a small city from Hungary, this was way bigger than your imagination. All kinds of people from different cultures merged into one. Museums, cafes, bars, restaurants, you didn’t even know where to begin. You took a deep breath in your hotel room. Your friend insisted on getting different rooms, in case she or you find someone to have a good time, if you know what I mean. Well, rather your friend, than you. You wanted to come here after many years, and you were finally here, so you want to experience as much of this city as you possibly could, you’re not gonna waste your time on a random (or more, glancing at your friend) man. 

You arrived at the hotel around 1.00pm, so you decided to go get some lunch somewhere close. You were a little bit tired of the long hours on the train. Just around a corner from where you were staying there was a tapas bar. Bar Raval. Your friend wasn’t really into movies that much, or actors in particular, but you knew that place, although you have never been there. You didn’t think about yourself as a “fangirl”, but you really admired the work of Daniel Brühl. You knew there was little to no chance that you could get even a tiny glance of him, but in over all: you would be happy just to say that you were in his bar. Your friend liked Spanish cuisine, so it didn’t take much to convince her to eat there. 

A Hungarian and a Russian woman walked into a Spanish restaurant in Germany, Berlin. Sounded comical. The place looked very friendly and funky. There were some people, not really a crowd. You decided to sit in the corner, with your back to the wall, so you can observe your surroundings. Your friend sits down opposite you. A waiter comes up to you:

- Willkommen! Was möchten Sie gerne? - he asked, looking between the two of you.

- Oh, sorry, we don’t really speak German. - you said with quite a thick Hungarian accent, because you got nervous due the potential language barrier.

- I see, It’s okay. We usually have all kinds of tourist here, so you’re good. What can I get for you two? - he asked with a welcoming smile.

You weren’t sure what you wanted to eat, you weren’t familiar with Spanish food at all, so you just trusted your friend to order something. She ordered something with pasta, and another thing with pasta. You had no idea what she just said. And some juice. She smiled at the waiter who scribbled down your order, and of he went. You looked around while you were waiting.

- It’s nice isn’t it?

- Yeah, it is. Quite bohemian. I would have guessed you would want to go to a traditional German restaurant. Why are we here? - smiled your friend knowingly.

- Well… You know…

- Is this the place of your man?

- What?! Shut up… - blushing - I just like his movies, that’s all… Anyway, I just liked the pictures of this place…

- ...and him…

- ...AND I wanted to check it out myself, ok?

- Ok-Ok...

You smiled at each other. You were best friends for years now, you could communicate without much of words. The waiter arrived with your plates. The food was good. In fact, more than good. In general, you prefer other cuisines, but you really liked this Spanish place. In Berlin. Odd, in the best way. After the lunch you went back to the hotel. Your friend wanted to go to a small club in the evening, so you decided to just chill throughout the afternoon. 

The traveling took the better of you, as you didn’t just not feel fresh after your nap, but you actually felt like shit. Your friend on the other hand really wanted to get going. So you assured her and yourself that it’s fine if you didn’t go to a club. She was a strong woman, and the club which she picked was just a couple of blocks away, so she decided, after she made sure that it is truly okay, to leave you behind in your room. You have never been a party-animal anyway, and you really just wanted to plan for tomorrow. There were so many things you wanted to watch in the city. After a few hours of planning and searching, you eventually fall asleep on the couch.

In the morning, luckily, you felt much better, more of yourself than in the previous afternoon. You took a shower, get dressed (purple converse, dark skinny jeans, blue tank-top and a blue/black checked shirt...nothing can go wrong dressing like this, you thought), grabbed your camo, ex-military little gym bag, locked your room’s door, and went to knock on your friend’s door. It took a few minutes, some groans, and other small noises, when she finally flung the door open. The sight was hideous.

- The hell happened to you? - you really tried not to laugh.

- Laugh, as you like… I had a good time. Drank more vodka that I could handle though…

- Are you alone or…?

- I am… Calm down, I didn’t get lied… Although I tried… But I didn’t!!! - she said quickly after she saw the frown on your face. - But I feel very shitty… My hangover is killing me, I didn’t give out anything yet… But I might throw up at any minute now…

- How can I help you? Stay with you? Bring you something from that little shop we saw yesterday?

- Some water would be nice… But I don’t want you to see me like this… And I will be fine, i’m just gonna rest today… You can go on on your sightseeing trip.

- Are you sure? I’m gladly staying with you…

- No, no! You wanted to come so badly, I don’t want to take a day away from you. I will be alright.

- You promise?

- I do. Please, just go. - she smiled at you.

- Alright. I’ll go grab you some water, and… I don’t know, go for a walk or something. Get breakfast.

- For the mentioning of food, your friend’s face went green and particularly jumped into her bathroom.

- I’m coming back in a minute or two! - you shouted after her, than closed her hotel room’s door.

You went down to get some water, some bread and some crackers which would be easy on her stomach, yet she still would be able to eat something throughout the day. You knocked on her door, which opened just slightly, an arm came out to take the bag from your hand, a small, weak “Спасиб��” and just like that the door was closed again. You giggled to her door before you headed down to the street.

You honestly didn’t really want to explore many things without her, so you tried to keep your excitement low. You decided to go back to that bar where you ate your lunch yesterday. You liked it a lot, and it wasn’t a new place to discover, which meant that your friend wasn’t missing out on anything. You went to the bar. It was still early morning, not many people were there. A few old people, some of them are couples. The younger generation (yours) was probably still sleeping. Besides, the place was more like a lunch/dinner kind of place anyway. The waiter looked up and recognised you.

- Good morning! Alone this time?

- Good morning to you too! Yes, my friend had a wild party last night, and she is standing at the gates of Hell right now.

- That sounds bad. - he laughed.

- It is, she looked scary… - that made him chuckle.

- So what can i do for you today?

- I would like just a cappuccino, please.

- Alright, just sit down, I’m on it.

- Thank you!

You sat down at the exact place where you did yesterday, next to the window, with your back to the wall. You put down your bag, and looked around. With less people, the place looked cozier. You really did like it a lot. Eventually, your cappucino arrived. You thanked it, and tasted it. It was delicious. You were one of those people who liked to read next to a fresh coffee, and you always had a book around you. You took it out from your handy-dandy bag and started reading it, holding it a little up in your hands, leaned back on your chair. You were reading one of your favourite books (Pushkin - Anyegin), while sipping a good morning cappuccino, in a nice place. You just relaxed to the small sounds of the bar and sounds of the city, which infiltrated through the door and windows.

- Eine interessante Wahl von Buch am Morgen. Interessanter als eine Zeitung, das ist sicher...

No. Just...no. You were hallucinating. You felt like everything was frozen around you. From out of 2.8 millions of people (roughly), you would recognize this voice. His voice. You physically could not look up.

- Omm.. I’m sorry, I didn’t understand what you just said… - you said with the weakest voice and in the thickest accent ever, in your whole damn life. You hoped that if you make this man say another thing you fall back to reality.

- Oh, my bad - he giggled - I just said that it is an interesting choice of read in the morning, it sure is more interesting than a newspaper.

Shit, this was the reality. 

You dared to look up, and your eyes met the most chocolaty eyes ever on this whole planet, but at least in the whole of Berlin. The owner of those eyes was leaning on the chair opposite you.

- Hello. I’m the owner of this Bar, I’m Daniel. - he offered his hand to you.

- Hi, I kno...i mean I’m (Y/N), I’m the costumer…? - you finished with a questioning voice and all you wanted was for the ground to open, swallow you, and with that wipe you out of this universe. You shook his hand, without looking at him directly. His hands were warm and secure. After he released you, you closed your eyes, already feeling the burning sensation in your face. You heard a deep chuckle.

- Yeah, I guessed that. You’re not from Germany and you aren't British either, aren’t you?

You opened your (Y/E/C) eyes only to meet his curious ones.

- No, I’m not. I’m just a tourist here, I’m from Hungary.

- Oh, I’ve been there. It’s a lovely country. Would you mind if I sit down? - gesturing to the empty chair opposite from you.

- Yes… I mean no… - you took a deep breath - If you would like to you can sit with me. - This is just going great...

You earned another deep chuckle from the man in front of you, while he sat down.

- So… What are you doing here alone, in Berlin?

- I’m not alone.

- Oh… Anniversary? - for a moment you thought you saw something in his eyes. Sadness?

- Not that either. I don’t have anyone to celebrate such things. I came here with my friend, but she got wasted last night, and probably at the moment she is agonizing in her bathroom above the toilet.

- Hm… that’s not nice. - curiosity was coming back to his face.

The two of you stayed in silence. It wasn’t really uncomfortable, you were just terribly shy, and couldn’t stop blushing. You even tried to hide some of your face by leaning on one of your palms, and sipping your coffee.

This is aweful. Daniel f*ing Brühl is sitting opposite me, and I can’t even look at him. He must be thinking I’m one of those fangirls who just can’t keep it together before their idols. Which is true, but he shouldn’t have to know that…

But he wasn’t thinking that. Quite the opposite actually. You were so out of place in his bar, he had to approach you. There was something in you which made him intrigued. While you were trying to hide, which he found a little bit cute and entertaining, he tried to study you as well. There was something in you. He felt like he wanted to know your story.

- So what’s the plan for today?

...........

[noviceaoiryusei]

Pia Movie Special 2020 Winter Close Up Feature : Suezawa Seiya

Entertainment interview

SUEZAWA SEIYA

"I want myself to grow as Franz"

From Kansai Johnny's Jr. unit Ae! group, Suezawa Seiya challenged roudugeki (reading theater) in his first solo starring.

While spreading an active place, even he, himself is most likely to be one of the audiences.

Leader of the group cut the challenge to his first solo stage

Formed in February 2019 which already has their own solo tour is a 6-man popular unit of Kansai Johnny's Jr. called Ae! group; it's Ae! group's member Suezawa Seiya. The stage performance "Bokura no Ae! group tte imasunen" which had a stage debut in Tokyo.

First of all, he was starring in the stage alone. The stage to be commemorated is the leading theather entitled "Kiosk". At first, "I was surprised, I thought it's a prank" it's surprisingly what I said. I heard about the work on stage from the manager but from there, I haven't heard anymore after that. I had no choice but to wonder what is it about. I was surprised because it was a starring (role).

First, I talked with my parents then, I talked about work with (Hamanaka) Bunichi-kun. When I called him and reported it, he said "really? that's great! do your best!". When I told it with the members, they said "congratulations!". Masakado (Yoshinori) jokingly said "lead role?" I've heard about it. Since it's really a lead role he said, "isn't it the opposite?". (laughs) (Fukumoto) Taisei said "I felt like crying", because of you, I have a reason to cry. (laughs) Richa (Kusama Richard Keita) was also pleased after a long time. Me and everyone was in high spirits, I'm really happy.

In the reading theater stage format which became the foothold to a full-pledged stage, since I've been working on a number of straight plays and musicals.

In the current stage performance, I haven't talked with Ishimaru-san yet. I don't know what kind of type it is so, I haven't clearly understood it. I think roudugeki (reader's theater) is the first challenge, I thought that there are many things that I need to know after I started practicing. Even if it says roudugeki (reader's theater), it is how much you use it while using your body. It's anxious and also fun, that's what I think.

The original work is by Robert Seethaler, an Austrian writer. It's a youth novel that's adapted into a film in Germany, I saw it as a reading theater (roudugeki). Suezawa plays the role of Franz who became an apprentice in a koisk when he was 17, the setting is drawn back in Vienna at 1937. He grew up surrounded by nature and came to visit Vienna. His mother's old friend is the kiosk's shopkeeper, the psychoanalysis founder, Sigmund Freud. He (Franz) fell in love with a mysterious girl.

It is a work depicting the youth during the time of Hitler's administration so, there was some feelings that comes in the end. There are lots of things that resonates the feeling, including the growth of Franz that will surely make you cry. Franz went through a lot of encounters during the time of the turmoil, learn various things from other people and becoming an adult. Franz's mother felt his growth thru their exchange of letters. I thought it's a story that is easy to get in touch with the nature while reading (it). Reading the script, I honestly felt that roudugeki (reader's theater) will be a challenge that I need to express firmly in narrating it to the audience. Vienna isn't particularly known in the image of music, from now on, I would like to know everything.

(He is) Currently 25 years old. The previous stage experience and the group's oldest (member), it's like his taste is like the youngest. It seems that the fluctuation of the 17 year old youth is delicately expressed.

Even now, there are a few roles from the actual age. (In a performance) Starring Bunichi-kun, I played a role of a 10 year old (boy). I'll try to challenge (myself) and play much younger roles as possible, I thought I need to do it well. For Franz's character, I had an impression of a simple, pure young man who came from the countryside. If you think about your own character, you need to remember that it's necessary to play it a lot purely is what I've thought. (laughs) It's not that I'm not pure but, I want to remember the feeling when I was still young. I want to improve myself with Franz.

Starring from behind his seniors

Co-starring with seniors and juniors from Johnny's office, it's the first challenge to be in a stage play without his fellow. In that sense, is there a sense of pressure and nervousness?

That's right. Because until now there's Bunichi-kun and Yara (Tomoyuki)-kun....... Of course there is pressure but, I don't think to much of it. "It's okay if you do not have to be aware that you're starring", I have received these words from my co-actor Ichiro Maki-san. It's the lead role but, of course I want to have a feeling that I can share with everyone. Ichiro-san said "I thought that I'm (your) real mother" since I've also said it (to her), I hope that I can consult with her again. From the previous experience, I wonder if each person's position as the lead character is different. Yara-kun liven up everyone with a friendly atmosphere. Bunichi-kun is a shy person so, he isn't the type who's lively but he creates the mood of the place and someone who you can be relied on. What they have in common is that they don't make others feel uneasy, I want to emulate it. Anyway, both of us don't show everyone that a lot.

I have gained a career not only in musicals but also in straight play. It says that in which you feel the charm of the stage while gaining experience is when you can say "it's a living place".

It's fun because there's no exact same performance. In every curtain call you'll feel a sense of achievement when you hear the audiences clapping. You'll absolutely don't get tired performing for each and every person. I'm still lacking in my ability. Yara-kun and Bunichi-kun have trained me and I feel that I'm changing little by little. When I went out on an external stage, I was rather negative but, both of them changed me conciousness. After I've changed my way of thinking into positive, the stress got reduced and the way I went to practice had changed.

He talks about stress "I thought it's because I can't do things". Someone said "winning is better when you're having fun".

Of course there are lots of things we can't do yet but now, having fun is much better. It became decisive. Before the first day of "Skellig", Bunichi-kun left me a phrase "it's better to throw away (that) pride". He said with a serious face "because of that, this stage play will not succeed". I might probably ashamed of myself, I think I didn't tell everything. Even from the practice you can feel Bunichi-kun's compassion. In front of everyone, he let me do something that when I'll be able to pull it out, I'll be able to go out.

This time it's the reading theater, it's supposed to be a performance using a loud voice and shows the attractiveness of one's individuality at the end.

Because of a loud voice, I want to make a song with the high tone portion but I'm anxious whether this voice will be on the reading performances. (laughs) Should I drop the key (pitch) or is it good to change the setting into Franz's? I thought it'll be different in the way of how you'll express it such as irregularity and the way you'll say it. Also, everyone start after the beginning of the practice. Now it's exciting and feeling nervous, it evenly matches the (current) status in the case of musical, straight play and this time roudugeki (reading theather). I want to try different genres so this time, I want to learn a lot!

I'm touched everytime I watch my favorite musical movie

(We'll) Transfer to the topic of his favorite movie when the title "Les Miserables" (2012) was mentioned.

I really love it! I have watched it at the cinema. I even bought the DVD and watch it repeatedly and still get touched everytime (I watched it). Everyone in the cast is singing on the spot, isn't it great!? In that sense, I've watch the stage play and even the pictures emits impact, I feel overwhelmed. Hugh Jackman is also starring in "The Greatest Showman" (2017) wherein I'm also moved (in the performance) so, I think I like musicals. If there would be a chance, I want to try starring in a musical movie someday.

The leading work of Fujiwara Tatsuya is being pulled in Japanese Movies

A splendid actor can be everyone but I think it's great to be a completely different person for each work. I felt attracted that only Fujiwara-san has that kind of voice and acting. About Ninagawa Yukio-san's stage play, I read in an interview that you should learn how to speak even if your voice is muted. I still thought that it's a difficult experience. It's hard to choose what's my favorite among his works, I've read the original (work) so I couldn't forget Death Note (2006). About the image, I've read the manga and Fujiwara-san has a great impact.

As I have been active in stage plays, I'm still inexperienced when it comes to drama, movie and video but I'm interested so if I'll be offered a work I'll immediately reply "I'm eager to do it!". One of my big dreams was to work together with my admired senior, Kimura Takuya-san.

My mother has been a fan for a long time and so it became my admiration. I think I'll be greatfully devoted.

Next spring they'll broadcast "Kyojo" (CX/20) starring Kimura Takuya. Is there a jealousy with Naniwa Danshi's Nishihata Daigo......?

I immediately contacted Daigo! I said "congratulations" and he also talked about me. (laughs) Even though (he) saw Kimura-san during Johnny (Kitagawa)-san's farewell party, Daigo's sly. (laughs) He had also co-starred with his admired (senior), Ninomiya (Kazunari)-kun. I'm thinking that I'll do my best so that someday I can be his co-star. If I can be his co-star, any role would be fine! I'll be glad to be in the same work but if possible, it would be great if we'll be on the same scene together even just for a moment. He's so cool in "Grand Mason Tokyo" (TBS/2019).

For the group, I want to be active as an actor

From now on, my dream is to expand the role that I want to play.

I'm watching various works with roles that are crazy and psychopath. I want to do it for quite some time now, it looks difficult but it's interesting. It's a dark role because there isn't much dark role on myself so, I think I'm just attracted to such characters.

Nishihata Daigo is the first, from the same (group) Naniwa Danshi, Michieda Shunsuke and Nagao Kento had appeared in drama and movies. Also from Ae! group, Masakado had appeared in the drama "Koi no Yamai to Yarougumi" (BS Fuji terebi/2019) expanding the places were they're active, it seems to be a good motivation.

Takahashi Kyohei (Naniwa Danshi) had appeared in "24 Jikan Terebi" drama entitled "Kizuna no Pedal" (NTV/2019). He's good, I thought that "I won't loose". Ae! group still hasn't explored the field of drama and movies so, I want to continue further. Also, all active activities as an actor will be an opportunity (for people) to get interested in the group, I think it's important. (In) My group, Richard is strong when it comes to variety and also because every member is individualy strong. I want to increase the number of entrances for people to know about (our) group in different genres. That's for the group, I believe it will also be for our own.

[takaraphoenix]

I really want to drown you in Marvel prompts now xD But I'll try to be nice. How about WinterIronPanther and their punk kids? Maybe Steve walking in and being like "Bucky??? Bu you don't have a kid? Tony has Pete, and T'Challa has Shuri but you don't--" And Bucky just looks at him. Long and hard, waiting for him to realize.

It all started two years ago, when SHIELD fell. When Steve, Natasha and Sam came to Tony, not knowing where else to go. When Steve told Tony about the death of his parents. When the team actually started to grow together, knowing they could only rely on each other.

And then Zemo came along and tried to tear the Avengers apart. Only that that didn’t work. They had been a team for years now, they trusted each other, Tony and Steve led the Avengers together, as a united front. Together, they signed the Accords, with the right reserved to make amendments – because Steve knew they were flawed and so did Tony, but Tony had the lawyers to work on them and Steve knew that and trusted Tony on that. Granted, Zemo framing Bucky tore the Avengers temporarily apart because Steve was blinded and refused to even consider that Bucky might not be innocent – and in the end, he was right and after Tony learned the truth, him and his half of the team joined Steve in Siberia. Zemo’s endgame was to shock Tony by showing him the video of how the Winter Soldier had killed the Starks. Tony knew about that though. He had known that for years and while it hurt to actually see it, he knew that it hadn’t been Bucky Barnes who had killed them and he had come to terms with that. So, instead of playing into Zemo’s hands, Tony, Steve and Bucky went and pummeled Zemo before arresting him.

“Barnes isn’t safe in the US right now”, stated Tony seriously.

T'Challa had his arms crossed over his chest. “I owe him, for trying to take his life in a fit of rage when I thought he had killed my father. I will take him to Wakanda, he will be safe there.”

“Thank you, your highness”, whispered Steve, looking torn.

“Oh, stop it with the sad puppy-dog eyes, Rogers”, grunted Tony and rolled his eyes. “He’ll be safe there, that’s the important thing for now, while my lawyers get onto clearing his name.”

T'Challa looked bemused by the exchange. Over the past few days, he had seen the ups and downs of their dynamic. Steve and Tony bickered like brothers and even when it had gotten physical in Germany, they had been pulling their punches, not wanting to hurt their own team. Now that the truth was out, that the tension about Barnes was resolved, things seemed to be going back to what was considered normal to the Avengers. T'Challa, he was a good man, so he was going to repay his debt to Sargent Barnes. He was going to keep him safe in Wakanda and put his sister onto seeing if she could remove the Winter Soldier programming.

/break\

It was rough, adjusting again after what had happened in Germany. It had not been intentional, what had happened to Rhodey, and Sam was feeling the most guilty about it. Rhodey was still recovering. Wanda had been sent away. Even though Steve had been all for protecting her at first, only seeing her as a child – after he saw the physical evidence of what Wanda had done to Vision over being kept on house-arrest, after Sam sat him down and talked to Steve about it, he saw reason.

She had always been a threat. Not just in Johannesburg, before that. She had willingly joined Hydra, of all people, and allied herself with Ultron until it became inconvenient for her. A part of Steve wanted to see her as an innocent child and had refused the facts. But to see the reminders of the past and to see that she was still out of control… they had sent her away. Professor Charles Xavier owned a school for children with superpowers, where she would not be able to harm others and might learn to properly control herself. Because just sending her to prison was not going to do anything good; at the forefront needed to stand her learning to control herself.

Much had happened in the past months. They were busy adjusting the Accords and they were busy trying to free Bucky of all charges, considering the brainwashing. All the while, Steve played the moping puppy-dog about Bucky being literally on ice in Wakanda.

Tony worked with T'Challa’s sister on restoring Bucky though; BARF proved to be a good foundation for Shuri to build on to remove the Winter Soldier programming, apparently, and with it removed, Barnes got out of cold storage and into some solid therapy.

The Avengers became regular guests in Wakanda after that. After all, Wakanda opened its borders and as a sign of good faith T'Challa had joined the Avengers – on a strict emergencies only base. He was still the king, after all. But he wished for the Avengers to know that if aliens attacked again, they could call Wakanda for backup.

Things… developed, albeit Tony was not entirely sure how. There was a charming, handsome king on one side and an adorable goat-herding former assassin on the other… and Tony in the middle.

Tony and T'Challa had corresponded with each other a lot since Siberia, mostly Tony passing on notes to the princess, or them talking about the Accords and about T'Challa’s specific conditions to joining the Avengers. Steve was… too busy chatting with Bucky to really pay attention, every time it came to Wakanda, or more specifically every time they came to Wakanda. Tony was easily charmed by the king and brilliant king. And it wasn’t like Tony didn’t get to spend his fair share with Barnes too – helping the princess with the adjusted and modified BARF program.

Turned out that in the meantime, the goat-herding former assassin and the charming, handsome king had grown close too, during Bucky’s stay near the palace, his regular visits at Shuri’s.

It started one night, three months into Bucky’s stay in Wakanda, when the Avengers as a whole had come to Wakanda to celebrate together. Celebrate Bucky’s recovery – the last of the triggers had been successfully removed and he was overall doing so much better now. So they threw a party. There was booze, music, dancing, food, laughter. It had been a really fun night.

The morning after however was rather interesting, because Tony didn’t wake up in the guest-room T'Challa had given him. He woke up in an even more luxurious room, a large bed with purple silken sheets… and two handsome, naked men next to him on either side. T'Challa was on his back, one arm on his stomach, the other spread out next to himself. Bucky was curled together and wide-awake, staring over at T'Challa and Tony with curious and calculating eyes.

“Good morning Buckaroo”, drawled Tony slowly, grinning amused.

He turned to face Bucky with a broad grin. Unexpectedly so, he had grown very fond of Bucky. Once the man had recovered enough to be himself, not that empty shell and weapon anymore. Bucky offered one of those charming, sweet, soft little smiles and tilted his head.

“You seem in a good mood. That’s good. I was not sure…”, started Bucky.

“I didn’t touch a drop of alcohol last night, Buckster”, assured Tony, one eyebrow raised.

“But you were all…”, drawled Bucky, motioning awkwardly.

“That is simply Tony’s… personality”, offered T'Challa from the other side, quite amused. “He has taught me that you do need a good sense of humor to deal with politicians on a long run.”

“It keeps boring events fun”, chimed Tony delighted.

“So we were all very sober when all of this happened?”, asked Bucky, looking at the other two.

“I have learned not to drink while my sister is armed with a camera”, replied T'Challa dryly. “And now that, thanks to Tony, she has back-up… I am not risking that.”

Tony laughed delighted at that before leaning over to kiss Bucky briefly. “Don’t look like a startled deer, Buck. We have been flirting for weeks now, haven’t we? I figured we were all so… well-spirited last night, it just all came to the logical next step. Right, kitty-cat?”

“Absolutely. Though the nicknames already make me regret everything”, chuckled T'Challa.

“Aw, you don’t mean that, Simba”, gasped Tony, dramatically touching his arc-reactor.

T'Challa rolled his eyes fondly and wrapped an arm around Tony to pull him into a kiss. “Indeed.”

Tony smirked into the kiss before getting up and startling the other two men. “Well, I for one am absolutely famished. Your enhanced super stamina completely knocked me out. Feed a guy after you fuck him, will you? Or are you just going to stay in bed, staring at me?”

“I mean, I could do that”, nodded Bucky and turned to T'Challa. “You?”

“Most definitely”, agreed T'Challa with a delightful grin, wrapping an arm around Bucky.

Bucky looked pleased as he snuggled against T'Challa. The two looked gorgeous together. Tony felt rather good knowing those were his now. Wiggling his ass, Tony went to T'Challa’s closet to get dressed, throwing clothes at both Bucky and T'Challa too.

“Very well, let me feed the both of you”, sighed T'Challa and unwillingly got out of bed.

“My, our king has manners”, chimed Tony.

T'Challa pulled him into a brief kiss before getting dressed himself. “You too, James.”

Bucky made a displeased sound, but he obeyed. He was still getting used to his new arm – including actual feelings – that Tony had made him. It had been their greatest source of… bonding. Bucky had spent hours in the workshop with Tony calibrating the arm. They had quipped and talked, gotten to know each other. Tony was nothing like Howard, which, apparently was the greatest compliment Bucky could have given Tony.

“What… do we tell others?”, asked Bucky slowly when they exited the king’s quarters.

A couple of Dora Milaje stood in front of it. They acted stoic and didn’t react to the three exiting, but they still very well saw them. T'Challa greeted them before taking Bucky’s flesh-hand in his own and reaching for Tony with his other hand.

“What would you be comfortable telling them, James?”, asked T'Challa gently.

“I…”, started Bucky with a frown. “You’re the king. And this is the Tony Stark.”

“Heh, I like that”, laughed Tony amused. “I mean, we would certainly be quite the scandal couple. But the thing about Wakanda is that while its borders are open, paparazzi haven’t been stupid enough to try anything. They are way too afraid of the Dora Milaje. So, no one’s saying we gotta make a public engagement announcement, Bucky-Bear.”

“What Tony is saying is that we do not have to tell anyone, albeit I suspect most of the Avengers have been onto us for weeks”, offered T'Challa.

“Yeah, Nat knows. Nat knows everything. Rhodey knows, because I told him – hey, a guy’s gotta whine about the two hot guys tempting him”, argued Tony.

“Stevie knows about… uh, my feelings”, tagged Bucky on.

“So, basically, the only Avengers who don’t know are… Clint, Peter and maybe Sam, though Sam is a bright guy and I suspect he has figured it out too”, mused Tony.

“Might as well tell them”, sighed Bucky with a defeated nod. “If there is something to tell.”

“Well, I’m too old for this whole one-night-stand nonsense”, chimed Tony lightly. “And I think we should see where this could be going, mh?”

“We could. We should”, agreed T'Challa with a light smile.

The three of them entered the private kitchen of the royal family together. It was usually where the Avengers ate whenever they stayed over in Wakanda. And while not all Avengers were present, at least some had already found their way here. Steve and Sam were leaning against the counter, discussing something over coffee, while the teenagers were sitting at the table eating pancakes. Shuri, Peter and Ned Leeds – who was not actually an Avenger, but Peter’s best friend and also in on Peter’s secret identity. So while not a regular to go with them, since this was a larger outing of the Avengers, they had invited Peter’s best friend along too. Ned had been over the moon.

“Ah, look at our kids bickering”, chuckled Tony fondly. “It’s hard, raising a teen, isn’t it?”

Peter perked up and smiled at Tony, handing him a coffee. “Good morning, Mister St—Tony.”

“Good boy, he’s learning”, laughed Tony. “Thank you, Peter.”

“Yours at least adore you”, grunted T'Challa with a frown.

“Mister Stark is the best!”, exclaimed Ned enthusiastically.

“You’re just saying that because you’re still trying to butter me up to build an actual Death Star for you”, countered Tony amused and sat down with the teenagers.

“Look at them”, huffed T'Challa, staring at his sister. “How nice they are to Tony.”

“They do not have to live with Tony 24/7”, countered Shuri. “No offense, Tin Man.”

“No, that’s a fair enough argument”, chuckled Tony.

Bucky got them plates with pancakes and sat down next to Tony. “Have you considered how much you stress your brother by living with him 24/7, princess?”

“Oi, what are you accusing me of there, White Wolf?”, asked Shuri offended.

“You’re a little punk. With all due respect”, chuckled Bucky.

“I mean, Petey’s too!”, argued Tony, pointing at Peter.

Peter looked at him like a kicked puppy at this. “Mister Stark-”

“Going after the Vulture all on your own, without the suit or backup, you took ten years off my life!”, exclaimed Tony, running his fingers through his hair. “I had to dye to cover the gray!”

“Mister Sta—ark”, whined Peter, hanging his head low.

“I’m sure Shuri has taken far more years off my life by now”, stated T'Challa dryly.

“Oh, is this a competition now?”, wanted Tony to know, raising one eyebrow.

“You’re both gonna lose if we’re starting a competition about a punk-ass kid who took years off your life”, declared Bucky dead seriously, stirring his coffee.

“Buck? You don’t have a kid”, interjected Steve confused as him and Sam finally joined the table.

The kitchen fell very quiet. Ned and Peter exchanged a pointed look, while the adults all stared at Steve like he had grown a second head. Sam heaved a deep sigh and patted Steve’s back.

“You, you big, blonde oaf”, stated Sam pointedly. “He’s talking about you.”

“What-”, asked Steve surprised, looking around.

“Captain Rogers, sir, we literally learn about that in our history classes”, pointed Peter out.

“Yeah! The adventurous pre-serum times! How you used to be a stick and still chased bullies and had Bucky clean it all up afterward”, agreed Ned, nodding wildly.

“Wait. Why are you learning that in your history class?”, asked Steve flustered.

“It’s the great origin story of the righteous Captain America”, chuckled Tony amused. “Always fighting for the little guy, even when you were a little guy yourself. And judging from everything Buck’s been telling me in the past weeks, the history books were very generous on it all.”

“Punk’s got into a different fight every single week. Sometimes an asthma attack took him out before the bullies could”, grunted Bucky with a deadpan expression. “The number of times I nearly had a heart-attack because of you, Stevie-”

“Oh, come on, Bucky, I never-”, argued Steve.

“You literally signed up for a quite shady secret government program that injected you with an untested drug, all of this without telling Bucky”, pointed Peter out. ��…Captain Rogers, sir.”

“Traitor”, muttered Steve beneath his breath, cheeks red.

“There, Parker. You and me aren’t the worst”, declared Shuri pleased.

“Yay to that!”, agreed Peter, high-fiving with Shuri.

Steve sulked and sank deeper in his chair. Sam chuckled and shook his head as he pushed some pancakes down toward Steve, who while still sulking started eating. Tony smiled bemused, resting his chin on his hand and staring at Bucky fondly, who looked rather pleased with himself.

“So, the three of you finally… did something about that cut-able tension?”, asked Sam.

“Yes, we did”, confirmed Bucky and cleared his throat.

“I told you, brother. Modern times. Polyamorous long-distance relationships can work”, declared Shuri pleased, nodding slowly. “You just gotta make them work. And use your words.”

“Yes, yes, if I had listened to you, I could have already wined and dined them both for weeks”, sighed T'Challa with a roll of his eyes. “Alas, it all worked out perfectly well.”

He gave Bucky’s hand a squeeze, earning a nearly shy smile from Bucky. Tony bit his lips at how adorable that was and he leaned in to kiss Bucky’s cheek on impulse.

“So, wait, are we related then?”, asked Peter thoughtfully. “Since my superhero-dad and your brother are together, are we then like in-laws or something?”

“We’re not married and I never adopted you. You need to stop making people believe I’m your father, Peter”, grunted Tony pointedly and a little flustered. “I have had to come to a board-meeting concerning your parentage and who I paid off to keep it quiet, kiddo.”

Peter looked the opposite of apologetic. Bucky grunted amused and shook his head.

“You’d think he’s Stevie’s apprentice”, muttered Bucky beneath his breath.

“Thank you, Sargent”, chimed Peter.

“That was not a compliment, kiddo”, snorted Sam amused.

“Depends on how you interpret it”, countered Peter with an innocent smile.

“You are all menaces in one way or another”, stated T'Challa seriously.

He pointed at Shuri, Peter and Steve equally. Tony laughed and leaned back in his chair.

/break\

“We’ll make this work somehow, even when you leave for New York again, Tony.”

The three of them had decided to take a walk through the palace’s garden together after breakfast – mainly to get away from the team’s teasing. They had come to sit down at a pond together, Tony in the middle, resting a hand on Bucky’s thigh and having one arm around T'Challa’s waist.

“Top notch technology will make it so you won’t even miss me”, assured Tony amused. “Besides, for now I’ll be here for two weeks, so let us make the best of that first, mh?”

“Oh, I believe my mother and sister have already planned at least half a dozen dates for us”, sighed T'Challa a little embarrassed. “They have been trying to be… useful.”

“That’s adorable”, grinned Tony and leaned in to kiss T'Challa’s cheek.

The king looked flustered at that, though also a little pleased. “But you are, of course, right. With Wakandan technology, we can see each other every day despite any distance and you are always welcomed here, Tony. I have a room in the palace for you.”

“I preferred your room, Bagheera”, grinned Tony and kissed him. “What do you say, Buckster?”

“I liked your room too, T'Challa”, agreed Bucky with a grin.

T'Challa laughed, eyes sparkling as he leaned back and looked at his new lovers. “Perfect, then.”

Read this here on FFNet & here on AO3!

[dinoalexander]

YOUR MOMENT OF ZEN: The Semi-Quotable 2021 Quotedown Quotetacular

Ladies and gentlemen and non-binary gender forms across seven star systems… it is an honor and a privilege to say…

Reader discretion is strongly advised.

—-

Here it comes, it’s the World Famous Get Down Like a Hound, Party ‘til You Puke … SEMI-QUOTABLE 2021 QUOTEDOWN QUOTETACULAR!

—-

Quote Wall 2021

“2020: 1/2 a star out of 5. Would not recommend.” -Klauss

“… LLLLLLLATE!” -various members of Straight No Chaser

"i just had a moment of sick, insane, unbridled genius!" -Q

“2020 has been fired, per sources.” -Adam Schefter

“Yesterday we had a bunch of disasters to pass the time. Today, as smooth as the top of my.... oh crap, I need to shave.” -C

“The contract of 2020 is officially terminated as of 11:59pm. #YoureFired” -Carl

“Computer... End holodeck program and delete.” -Aaron

“I am in rare form tonight, so brace your assholes.” -Kimberly

“If you squint, my name is in fact carbs.” -Carlos

Gordon: Does that mean I get to wake you up on your birthday next year also? :D

Chico: Gordon Pepper what do you think?

Gordon: Sounds awesome! Call you at 1201am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzDb31hvQfI

“This should be the Superbowl Anthem.” -G.

“That's amazing.” -Kim

“Believe it or not, this was a #1 hit in Germany.” -G.

“Also amazing, but not surprising.” -Kim

“Is there a reason why I can't have a copy of the rooster?” -Robert R.

“Well it clucks too much and lays too many eggs for starters.” -G.

“Guess Stafford’s not into kneecaps.” -Chico

“Awww it's a cute fluffy dragon THAT WANTS TO EAT YOUR EYEBALLS!!!!” -G.

“(Holding a stuffed blue shell) I’m taking out everyone in this store, starting with Nikki!” -Paul

“Man, that is some country ass country!” -Brian

“If I can escape with a cold, I'll consider this a huge moral victory.” -G.

“I took a whopping two years of French in high school so I keep wanting to pronounce it par-LAY.” -Heather

If I didn't invite Jason, he would haunt me for the rest of my life. And then haunt me during his afterlife. And my afterlife. -G.

“We need America’s ass back.” -Nicole Ryan, on Chris Evans returning to the MCU, The Morning Mashup

“Of course Jason Block won. He wins everything.” -G.

“On a list of places to avoid is "crowded malls". So whatever you do, don't build a time machine and go back to 1983.” -Matt O.

“Your spare shooting accuracy has the coronavirus.” -G.

“You haven’t worn (your Burberry sweater)!” -Q

“That’s a Burberry! Put some respect on it!” -C

“It’s just a sweater.” -Q

“And the Pope is just a Catholic.” -C

“.... well, he is.” -Q

“Getting shot in a theater and I didn’t even have to win a Civil War first!” -Adam

“So Hollywood told me that you and Jessie were right and I agree with her.” -G.

“We need to mark this down on a calendar - wait right here - March 14, 2020 - that you said that your sisters were right.” -Bonnie

“So I'm here in Ralph's doing a video and only Gordon would play Bullseye (The Price is Right pricing game).” -Tim C.

“Gordon, what happened to your finger?” -John D.

“Zombie attack.” -G.

"Things I can't say on the Cock" -Pat McAfee at Summerslam 2021

“Let me unzip my pants!” -Jordan, in Gilbert Gottfried voice

“The amount of cookies I’ve watched Cookie Monster waste with his bullshit chewing makes me sick.” -Q

(Quoting the Be nice speech)

“Seinfeld?” -Kait

“Road House. You’re too young.” -C

“Since [Giannis] can handle the ball and only needs three strides to get to the basket from halfcourt, the only way to stop him from dunking on your head is to foul him and pray he misses at the free-throw line after he takes an hour and a half to shoot.” -Deadspin

“I’m a toe expert.” -Rex Ryan

“So many talented people in this room. Matter of fact, lock the doors, we’re not leaving until we find a new host for Jeopardy!.” -Cedric the Entertainer

“Martha Stewart? She’s an icon!” -someone on Food Network.

“Don’t you mean ex-con?” -Q

“That’s the joke… and thank god the joke is over.” -Brian

(Saturday morning at Golden Corral)

Q: “… God’s waiting room.”

C: “… Florida?”

“It’s not my job to educate you unless you pay me money!” -Freddie’s kid Millicent on iCarly

“Sprouts is Farmers Marketing.” -G

“I need everybody to come together and agree that there is only one correct pronunciation for “peanuts” and that it involves the letter U. I’m tired of hearing commercials where the voiceover tells me that I can buy their product “for just penis.”” -Adam

“Hollywood is the VIP room in Hell.” -Liz Block

“I’m not going to force you to work. The only thing I’m going to force is a pair of chinos over my ass. You are not worth it.” -Q

“One… Baby.” -Jenna

“One of the prizes on "The Price is Right" today is $2500 worth of groceries at Whole Foods. Enjoy your three cans of beans, you lucky winner.” -Adam

“Teslas are like the Apple Computer of cars.” -Jay

“Sagging jeans. NOT a good look. Skinny jeans? NOT a good look. Sagging skinny jeans? That’s just a cry for help.” -C

“Halfway salty, halfway fresh.” -Matty

“Just like Dino!” -Jefe

“Keep calm and relaaaaaaaaaaaaaax.” -Gordon

“He was literally two inches away from having a very bad night.” -C, re: a guy who almost sideswiped a barrier

CM Punk: "And if you like what you saw, tell your friends, tell your family, tweet about it, and if you didn't like it, shut the fuck up." -Post AEW Rampage from August 27, 2021.

“What’s a word for classy... but not classy?” -C

“... Bougie?” -Klauss

“That’s it, bougie.” -C

“And finally, An Entire Category about Kaley Cuoco.” -Jay Anthony

“My god I've seen oceans with less SALT than this person.” -Josiah

“Avoid getting into fights with people on Twitter. They drag you down to their level and beat you over the head with their experience.” -C

“I realize that now.” -Jay

“You should have realized it the other 30 times!” -G

“Hey...how did you...LOL” -Jay

“The algorithm is serving up mostly Adele and Taylor Swift today.... who broke up with Pandora??” -Miriam

“You know everyone is hiring these days...I saw that even Comcast is looking for customer service reps. Now, I admit at times I have been hard up for employment, but i can't think of a job I'd want less...honestly, I'd rather work for McDonald;'s...as a cow.” -Brian

“I’m totes jellyfish. You got mom’s criminal intellect. The only thing of mom’s I got was her wide flat butt.” -C

"You know what my religious life needs? Less sex." -Anneke, on an Anglican bishop becoming a Catholic.

Greg’s Dad: “what’s the Utah Jazz mascot?”

Greg: “it’s a bear”

Greg’s Dad: “I thought it’d be a clarinet.”

“New neighbors woke me up twice overnight with their boisterously loud lovemaking escapades. Been up for an hour and I swear I just heard em start back up again. I don't know whether to be pissed or send them a gift basket and some Gatorades.” -Justin

“Yes Gordon, out here in California people do eat edamame-flavored fettuccine.” -TIm C.

“AMY JO JOHNSON!” -Q

“Quis, you got the Tourette’s or something?” -C

“Gordon, what happened to your finger?” -Brian S.

“A Whammy bit it.” -G.

“You ever see a 41-year-old fly? Me neither.” -Shaq

“I’m about to climb over this bitch.” -C

“Will you shut up? And let me fuck(ing) talk?” -Mary Scott

“Fuck and talk? But i don't like you that way...unless you're rich. I can be gay for pay. But you're not rich. So we are just going to have to be friends.” -Q

“Fortnite. Turn your friend into a bomb.” -Alison Haislip

“Does your car have a spoiler on the trunk?" -insurance adjuster

"No, because I am a gentleman of station." -Evil Travis

“Plant hungry. Must feed plant. Make little money babies.” -G

“You’re somewhere in between my work wife, my work mother, and my work big sister. You’re my work wacky aunt.” -C to Lisa

“I've watched the first two episodes of Hawkeye on Disney+, and Alan Alda hasn't shown up yet.” -Prof. O

“Ouch. I hit my boobie.” -Lexi

“Come on, Brain… do brain stuff.” -C

“F. U. … n! FUN!” -Retha

“They tried to kill us (they ALWAYS try to kill us, every holiday except maybe Purim), they failed, we suffered, we sinned, so we'll make ourselves suffer, we're sorry, we're inscribed, we drink.” -Kim

“IKEA doesn't need to promote acceptance of bisexuals. If I'm buying a couch at IKEA, I've already settled for something uncomfortable that won't last.” -Rob

“That’s the thing about the ER. They can’t treat anything until they know EVERYTHING. The Beast must be fed. ALL HAIL THE BEAST.” -C

“Is this the Los Angeles Tea Party?” -Jessica

“It is. And since we fancy and we put our tea in our coffee we super caffeinated up in this bitch.” -Kimberly

“As Dean Martin might say, ‘That’s a moray.’” -Ken Jennings

“I can’t go to Kohl’s by myself anymore. One of these days I’m going to go shopping for underwear and walk out with a stand mixer.” -C

“Everyone will not just… If your solution to some problem relies on “if everyone would just…“ Then you do not have a solution. Everyone is not going to just. At no time in the history of the universe has everyone just, and they’re not going to start now.“ -Squareallworthy

“You can’t read the comments because that’s where shitty ideas come from.” -C

“I remember how challenging it was to sing because the A-hole was so tight. But I pushed through because kids all over the country were counting on me.” -Hollywood big shot and God’s perfect idiot Ryan Reynolds

“That… That’s just doing drugs.” -Kim

“Y’all, seriously. Seriously, y’all.” -C

“Dude, bro. Bro, dude.” -Tritle

“I am not an aficionado of the sexual habits of a penguin.” -Jay

“Ooh, Jurassic World Velociraptor!” -Q

“VelociCoaster.” -C

“… Ooh Donkey Kong Skull Island!” -Q

“REIGN of Kong.” -C

“Escape from 30 Rock with Jimmy Fallon!” -Q

“… COME ON, THAT’S NOT EVEN CLOSE!” -C

“Hagrid’s Motorbike Adventure!” -Q

“… Yeah, that one’s actually right.” -C

“It's like asking a fireman when you can move back into the house while it's still on fire.” -Natalie Dean

“I’m very particular. I don’t just put my pants on for anyone.” -C

“Women have set the bar so low for finding "the one," that they are in danger of tripping over said bar while wearing their stripper-hooker heels.” -Q

“On a side note its fun setting the uba page on fire.” -G

“It’s the 49-state chess set. WHERE THE FUCK IS KANSAS?!” -Mike

“This bisque is like a party in my mouth. This party, it ain’t for everyone… only the sexy people.” -C

“I don’t want to be naked with Dr. Squatch, thank you very much.” -JB

“We all vaxxed. We had to get vaxxed to come here. I got vaxxed. I did not have a reaction like Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend, okay?” -Cedric the Entertainer

“22,000 big ones!” -Greg

“… Matt Amodio laughs at your big ones.” -Chico

“Bad assumptions are on aisle 5, right next to the toilet paper.” -G

“Next on the Network, it’s WWE Blood Money.” -Chico

“Crown Jewel!” -JB

“I’m not buying nobody’s boobies.” -Jenn

“No, I believe in science.” -James Holzhauer, on someone saying he should host Jeopardy!

“I’m about to explode. Ask me why.” -Jay

“I’d rather not if it’s all the same to you.” -C

“I'm sorry and you're welcome???” -Danielle

“When I woke up, that’s when things got fucked up.” -G

“In New York… concrete jungle wet dream tomato…” -Sarah Pribis

“Nelson Rockefeller. He died as he lived. Banging randos.” -C

“How witless. How mediocre. Imagine this being where you show your entire ass.” -TJ

“I suck ding-a-ling for bling bling.” -Mary

“Are you a JRPG character with a case of amnesia? I can help!” -Matt

“OLDS BUMPIN’ UGLIES?! EWWWW!!!” -C

“This wasn’t the day from hell… but I could see hell from where I was standing.” -Q

“I wish the best of luck to all those doing Taylor Swift.” -Matt O.

“Grammar! and Grandpa!” -G.

“Man, I hate it when the "danger trees" take out my power...” -Becca

“This day… if patients aren’t bleeding out of their whatever, they’re having babies out of their other whatever.” -C

“I’m 53, not 35. Leave me the fuck alone.” -JB

“2015: Windows 10: the last Windows you’ll ever need. 2021: GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKERS!” - C’s impersonation of Microsoft.

“The best part of a party is leaving.” -Cat Gray

'Manti Te’o’s girlfriend has tested for the coronavirus' This is how you know we're going to Hell.” -Chico

“Eat your heart out, Matthew Morrison.” -Jonathan Rand

“The challenge is yours.” -Heather

“Thank you, Dick Clark.” -C

“A rich, full-bodied wine sensibly priced at a dollar a jug. Now for a little magic, I will make this jug disappear.” -Brian

“This doesn’t taste like 5W20!” -... I don’t know, somebody.

“Food?” -C

“Food!” -Q

“Pizza?” -C

“Aren’t you pizza’d out?” -Q

“(Metal Gear Solid alarm with fighting stance) … I don’t know who you are but imma fight you.” -C

“I only get a dozen or so of these every year! DON’T FUCK IT UP!” -Klauss

“Tried it, hated it, moving on.” -Bing

“Relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax” -Gordon channeling Aaron Rodgers

“The old toys are dead now. Here are the new toys. The Machine must be fed, all hail the Machine.” -Dan Larson, Toy Galaxy

“I got bit!” -JD

“… Congratulations?” -C

“... this one smells... in the good way.” -Simon

“Lady G is going to sell out the ball games. Over the top. You get Gaga in the inauguration, they’ll be Gaga forever.“ -Greg imitating his dad

“What the Cinnamon Toast fuck was that?!” -JD

“Talk to me nice!” -Dwyane Wade

“GOOD RIDDANCE, CAILLOU... YOU LITTLE JERK!” -Joe Ovies

(A tub of soapy water is about to crest)

“Why does it look like antics are about to occur?” -C

“Antics already occurred. You missed out.” -Q

“Winner hosts the Titan Games...” -Klauss

“Loser gets to be on a show with Chris Lemmon and a boat.” -Greg

“I’m having a Netflix and Chill by myself BUT NOT IN THAT WAY.” -C

“You gotta wipe more than just the shit. You gotta do it to your memory, like a self-neutralizer, like MIB.” -Jess

“Are You Smarter Than....Some of the Wheel of Fortune audience who need to watch a little more Jeopardy?” -G

“Goodbye, Minnesota.” -Chris AKA Airtime Thrills

“HELLO WISCONSIN!” -Topher Grace AKA Eric Foreman

“It’s the Hot Mess Express.” -Chico

“One more thing, the last interview we did together, you told me to go heavy in the cryptocurrency game. I did. We’re down 40%. And then I lost my job. Gretchen just wants a new comforter. Fuck you Aaron Rodgers.” -Kenny Mayne

“#nopantstheaterenjoytheshow.” -C

“At this point I don’t mind if my career sheet reads eternal pilot boy. I will be the Jack Campion of the new millennium.” -Brian S.

“Just a reminder that the Peanuts character who can quote scripture to tell you about the true meaning of Christmas is the same one who believes in a sentient magical pumpkin.” -Prof. O

“Who this guy be?!” -C

“A degenerate gambler.” -Klauss

-the subject, a guy I met seven years ago by the name of Jamie Holzhauer.

“When you’re tired, you take a Napa, you don’t go to Napa!” -Carrie Bradshaw

“Elon Musk not only molests collies, he digs up the remains of dead collies and molests those.” -Kevin

“Wet prep, wet prep on the slide… What little critters are you trying to hide?” -C

“Joe’s Sperm Bank, you jack it, we pack it.” -Brandy

“.... okay what was I doing?” -C

“So I was asked if tpir was politics how to describe this week. I responded with Derrick Evans playing cliff hangers bidding 69 on a camcorder and a replica of Donald Trump falling off the mountain.” -Gordon

“Don’t you dare fucking say if.” -Jay

“Pro tip. Drink rum, sing sea shanties.” -Kimberly

“Yesterday was a shit show. We had the opening acts as the pellet people, the mid act as the chunky chuckles and the main act was debbie diarrhea.” -G

“Panties, panties, everywhere.” -Q

“Sounds like a single guy’s idea of a good time.” -C

“Pro tip: You can't log into Doordash by entering your Doordash username and password into Grubhub.” -Kelly

“I now understand why everyone stockpiled the toilet paper. It's to help wipe down their computer screen after seeing all of the bs on social media about the politics surrounding the coronavirus.” -G.

“Stupid me really thought there was a restaurant named Endy's.” -Klaussie

“Bachelor: Listen to Your Heart.... it’s not making the Bachelor better, it’s making Roxette worse.” -Chico

“This is why we'll have the quarantine until June. Of 2025.” -G.

“Disturbing is code for “Okay this is wrong but like hell im gonna get my hands dirty”.” -Chico

“Once this 5G is fully powered up in a couple weeks, it's over for you hoes!” -Emily on her vaccine

“There's been more penetration in this game up the middle since the last video on Pornhub I saw.” -JB

“January. So far. You! Get! Nooooo! Monnnneeeeyyyyy!” -Hiram P. and the Gordon chorale

“Bill Maher sidelined, as it turns out, by COVID, and not, as I expected, a broken neck from kissing his own ass.” -Adam

“Firstly, Brad isn't leaving. Secondly, I'm not leaving. Thirdly, I'm a woman and I DO present an ITV gameshow (Britain's Brightest Celebrity Family). What else are you going to get wrong?” -The Governess

'I will pay you and Hiram to bring that to Thursday nights' -Danielle P.

“OH MY GOD I’M SO HORNY!” -C, talking about the Bar Rescue Channel on Pluto

“I am the Uber Cooler.” -Jason B.

“Worst Uber driver ever.” -Carlos

“Ouuuuuuut!” -Nick H.

“Fucking Bruins.” -JD

“The new warcry - J Q X Z Fuck. -Jason B.

“I'll say it for you Fred. The Tin Hat Brigade is out in full force today.” -G.

:) - Brown Shark

“And they say naked people rarely make history.” -Megan

“The only HQ bigger than mine in RI is Hasbro’s.” -Jess

“You’ve been Blocked! (Boom) No one is safe!” -Cue after Jason goes on an epic rant

“I want to say... Shenehneh O’Connor?” -Howard

“Generations upon generations of my people have survived on sugar. Rum… rum… more rum… all the rum..” -C

“Quiz naked! It’ll drive the girls wild!” -Q

“Did Mexico CashApp that Wall Money yet?” -Darryl H.

“Apparently they really needed that wall for the Capital building instead.” -G.

“Where are all of my fake patriots at?” -Brown Shark

“Sarita, you need to find Darryl before he runs himself over with his own car.” -G.

“I'd Like to cancel my subscription for 2021. I've had the free 7 day trial and I'm not interested.” -Theo L.

“That's what everyone's going to feel like when they play us.” -Alex P.

“As Gordon Pepper would say, we got lots of Stuff happening the next few weeks.” -Lodi Lanes

“(Reading the Chasers Tweets) At least they got the less funny Statler and Waldorf part right.” -G.

“Old and busted: a friendly little fruit basket. New hotness: this Apple Watch looking nonsense.” -C, on the Orchard upgrade

“Some providers will order a COVID test on a ham sandwich.” -Q

“I Think Dino just had a revelation!” -Benny

'Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.' -Brown Shark

“Can’t we just Frankenstein Mayim Bialik’s brain, Mike Richards’ face, and Steve Kornacki’s pants?” -Chico

“And Lavar Burton's ability to warp out contestants in the negative at the end of double jeopardy.” -G.

“Technically that would fall on O’Brien’s shoulders, but I get what you’re saying.” -Chico

“We spend $750 Billion in defense and the center of American Government fell in 2 hours to the Duck Dynasty and the guy in the Chewbacca Bikini.” -Yousef Monayyer

“We need everyone to be on their best behavior. I'm talking to you, Gordon.” -Chico

“Every time I get a friend request from an obvious porn spam bot, I always see the same couple of dudes in their mutual friends and I just want y'all to know that I am judging you.” -Terry

“They gave me a paper check! I mean, come on! Who DOES that?!” -C

“What needed was someone to say ‘you stop this foolishness right now or I’m gonna slap you nekkid’” -Joe Bob Briggs

“Girl, I lost my tooth AND my brains!” -Joey

“Not an original joke, but seriously, neither @Marvel nor @DCComics has considered a parody superhero called FLORIDA MAN, where every month’s book is about his latest arrest......” -Joel Gertner

“We ever gonna discuss how Jack (Dorsey) and Mark Z were fine destroying democracy to make money or naw ??” @lewdog73

“Imagine how much more exciting the 1960s would’ve been if there was social media to let irate fans rip into Curt Gowdy and Jack Brickhouse” -Chief AB

“Remember when a 7th world title was supposed to be a historical achievement? He won it, they never publicized the achievement and then title reigns started being handed out like candy canes at Christmas.” -Dave Meltzer on Ric Flair winning the WCW Title in 1991

“You’re trying to play me like a blank CD. But we all know what happens to blank CD’s …. THEY GET BURNED!” -MacGruber

“JFK Jr. has already no-showed Dallas more often than Kerry Von Erich.” -Robert O’Connor

“Stoked for all the kids watching Space Jam 2 to check out A Clockwork Orange” -Rocco Botte

“The first thing that TV Guide wants you to know about McLean Stevenson’s new sitcom is that one of the characters is a nun with a great-looking ass.” -Adam Nedeff

“The Packers once had a quarterback named Dickey and he isn’t even in the top-tier of dick quarterbacks in franchise history.” -Craig Calcaterra

“One of my favorite memories of the Trump years was when the NYT made everyone watch some insane hour of their editorial team deciding who to endorse and then they endorsed two people and the only person who didn’t come off like a total whacko was a security guard in the elevator. It was such a perfect contrast because the editorial board were such pricks and were acting like an SNL sketch of what the NYT Editorial Board is like and then there was this incredibly moving and human moment that they didn’t even know about.” -Ben Dreyfuss

“Curt Schilling missed the Hall by 16 votes, but don't worry, he has hired Rudy Giuliani to challenge the vote totals.” - @YoshkeZoidberg

“It’s not ever a good thing when your completion line sounds like a medium-decent deal for a bucket of beers at Buffalo Wild Wings.” -PFTCommenter on Cam Newton’s statline

King Shark: “I wear disguise!”

Ratcatcher II: “Awww, you are going to wear disguise?”

King Shark: “Si!”

Peacemaker: “Hey, he's learning Spanish!”

Ratcatcher II: “What kind of disguise?”

King Shark: “Fake moustache!”

“You’re banned from The Board too, buddy, so don’t even bother.” - Bryan Alvarez on the Twitter banishment of Mr. Black

“Mike Lindell looks like Paul Bearer in that image, the difference being Lindell is just dead behind the eyes.” - Klaussie

“With Donald Trump out of the picture, Jacob deGrom is officially the deadliest righty working in America today” -Richard Staff

“this could be the one episode of Maury where the deadbeat dad is actually the babyface.” - Robert O’Connor on the paternity of Lauren Boebert allegedly being Stan Lane’s daughter

“I don't know how to work as a team.”

“Me either.”

“Well, I do. I have been in a team, okay? I don't wanna brag, but I will. I was in the Avengers.”

“The Avengers?”

“Yeah.”

“That's great!”

“Thank you!”

“What is that?”

“Wait, you don't have the Avengers?”

“Is that a band? Are you in a band?”

“No, not a band! Avengers is, uh... Earth's Mightiest…”

“HOW'S THIS HELPING?”

-Tom Holland, Andrew Garfield, and Tobey Maguire

“The Pentagon's UFO report is 9 pages, dropped in a Friday news dump. Really the *least* they could do. #RealLifeWestWing” -Heather

“Finally some truth up in this bitch!” -C

“You are OK silencing my community but you're not OK when your conservative community is silenced. You get my thoughts and prayers.” -Dan Chu

“I hope she gets a job that will make her happy. Like working at a broom factory or something.” -Q

“Apparently the Throwdown Call has been cancelled tonight and it's my fault. If anyone wants to blame any plagues, insurrections, or other man-made or non-man-made disasters on me also, go right ahead. Maybe I'll take credit for one.” -G.

“I like blaming people for things . . . . Can I blame you for having second thoughts about my reception dress for the wedding? Or are we blaming other things? I'm good with whatever.” -Kim

“Yes please. It should be green.” - G.

(Celebrity Dating Game Graphic pops up)

“I blame you for this.” -Chico

“Yes! Blame me! I'll take all the blame!” -G.

“ALWAYS go with the Irishman.” -Paul

“Can’t we just take the Act5 out to an open field with a couple of baseball bats, blast the Geto Boys on the speakers and just go to town?” -C

“WIth the House, Senate and Presidency all Democratic, Donald Trump really did make America Great Again.” -G.

“Between Bernie Sanders sitting and Dan Campbell biting my knee caps, I can’t even with this week.” -C

“It’s Scratchie Therapy. I’ll be your therapist for today.” -G.

“It's good to see the Alexander kids living clean lives.” -Klauss

“Ping Me Baby. I want to get Pingy with you.” -G.

“I’m ill! I’m ILL! I’M FUCKING ILL!” -Joey

“Newman, You're Out” -G.

“Go F*ck Yourself.” -Newman

“All together now... OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH Damn it.” -C, JD, and Prof. O

“I could do a quick review but I want to do this next week so you can all experience the pain I'm currently going through.” -G

“Here's what I do know is that this team is going to take on the identity of this city. This city's been down and it found a way to get up. It's found a way to overcome adversity. So this team's going to be built on we're going to kick you in the teeth, and when you punch us back, we're going to smile at you, and when you knock us down, we're gonna get up and on the way up, we're gonna bite a kneecap off, alright, and we're going to stand up and then it's gonna take two more shots to knock us down, alright, and on the way up, we're going to take your other kneecap and we're going to get up and then it's going to take three shots to get us down, and when we do, we're gonna take another hunk out of you. Before long, we're going to be the last one standing, alright?” -Lions coach and kneecap aficionado Dan Campbell

“Cole Beasley’s kick is nothing to sneeze at.” -Crazie Jamie

“So he did all of this because he is embarrassed that word got out about him hiding out in a bunker? UNBELIEVABLE.” -Sarita

“But Sarita Conyers Harris and Darryl Harris he's always been hiding with a Bunker. In this case, Archie Bunker.” -G.

“I feel bad for Bostonians. Brady's in the SB, Pedroia retired, and Schilling is a fucking toolbag they admire. Fuck Boston.” -Klauss

“People like to joke about "who tf is keeping Arby's in business" but will go see a new Fast & Furious movie every two years.” -Terry

(Everyone in the lab is looking for red-top swabs)

“Worst episode of Finders Keepers EVER.” -C

“Mask etiquette #1. The Mask is supposed to cover your nose. Mask ettiquette #2. The mask does not have a secondary use as a chinstrap.” -G.

“One rehearsal in, and I’m already “that guy”.” -C

“A cookie’s just a cookie, but cherries jubilee is fruit on fire!” -Paul

“You throw out the broken clocks because you want the timepiece you have to be accurate more than twice a day.” -G.

“Hey! Stop your grooming! Look good later, put in work now!” -C

“The world’s team option to not renew 2020’s contract has been confirmed, per source.” -Jessica

“Look at the birds up in the trees... mmm, ganja.” -G

“You want to listen to CNN?” -Q

“Absolutely not.” -C

“Don’t worry, Babish with a full head of hair doesn’t exist; he can’t hurt you.” -Crafty Creeper 101, on the Binging with Babish 5th Anniversary Special, in which Andrew indeed wears a hairpiece

“You know what? Do what you want. You never listen to me anyway.” -C

“Of course I listen to you! I always listen to you! ... I may not exactly do what you say, but I always listen!” -Q

“Sister Jean? Could’ve called her Sister Christian for all I care.” -Greg

ME: "I hate your PDF reader and the new version is so buggy that your automated form won't let me type all of my objections to it, so I'm uninstalling."

ADOBE: "This MFer sounds like he wants eight e-mails per day from us!"” -Adam

“Getting respect - when you hold all the cards, your opponent knows you hold all the cards, but you still want to create a situation that benefits both parties equally.” -G.

“Honestly considering passing off my podcast as a multilevel marketing scheme in order to tap into the underserved suburban Karen market. But then I remember that they probably have never seen Manimal before.” -C

“I'm not being treated with the civility to which I am accustomed, is there any greater tyranny?” -Vivek

“OHTANI-SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” -C

“*wakes up, puts on glasses, sees BUZZR thing, mumbles something about the stupidity and folly of men, goes back to sleep*” -Kimberly on 25 Words coming to Buzzr

“Chick-Fil-A… closed on Sundays, but they’ll take deliveries like any other sinner.” -Q

“You’re Chick-Fil-a-shit.” -C

“Some providers will order tests on a Wurlitzer jukebox that they had ordered from the Spiegel catalog, Chicago 60609.” -C

“Oh my god! Will you stop being an objective journalist for a second?!” -Jay

“What, you want me to be like you, a reactionary putz all the time?” -C

“YES!” -Jay

“Let me tell you something that you probably already know. One thing for certain. Two things for sho’. I’m blessed! Always gonna be blessed. I’m fresh. Always gonna be fresh. One finger. One pinky. One thumb. One love.” -Jordan

“I kiss at you and I blow my saliva at you.” -Simon

“Oh… my back.” -Tobey Maguire

“Have a good jerkin’ day!” -Brandy

“Uganda forever.” -Yehya

“.... Potato.” -Gordon

—-

And as always, here’s to 2021… Come together, just think of tomorrow. 💙