#if i fumble thru these it’s ok

[fourthclone]

ummm pls let me love you guys w a new starter call. will keep these short n sweet unless like. idk. brain works! lmk if u prefer a specific verse.

[thewildmother]

you’d think i’d have learned by now than to expect a show to have a good finale

[dipperscavern]

(ok yeah ive sent like 4 asks already this morning IDGAF!!! it’s squidward anon btw i simply couldnt hold my thoughts in any longer. i’ll relinquish my time on the floor after this one🤭)

something something riding cregan for the first time😼 he’s just sooo BIG. and he works so hard, with the war coming up, he never rests enough or ever relaxes. he’s just got his pretty little wife (in comparison to him. literally u could be 6 feet tall and he still just engulfs you lawd.) who’s ready to go after a long day of not seeing each other and just climbs into his lap when he sits to take his boots off. a lil grinding (good for the soul) and making out and u can just tell he’s sooo tired. soft groans and sighs as u rake ur hands thru his hair and massage his scalp a lil. just the feeling of u in his lap has him like… boneless. lord he hasnt even put it in and ur both close 😭 so when u just unlace his trousers enough to slip him out and finally sit on him it’s like. lord he’s gonna break ur hip w that grip!!! oh and dont think u have control btw! if u think his ass isnt pickinng u up and dropping u back down on his cock girllll……. also thinks there’s nothing lovelier than his beloved wife, truly the most important thing in his life, on top of him. also the both sitting up pos is SOO personal😭 like ur breathing each other’s air and just sighing and moaning into each other’s mouths. u try to bury ur head in creagans neck and a big hand comes to the back of ur neck LLORDDD HOLD ON THE VISION!!! his arms wrapped around u, one across ur hips to guide u and the other around ur upper back to keep his grip on the back of ur neck to just keep u as close as possible. none of that leaning back and letting it happen.

ok yeah. need to take a WALK.

squidward anon i love u. i love u i love u i love u. THIS IS. ARFGH. JUST TAKE OVER MY BLOG AT THIS POINT. (also send five more asks pls my inbox is forever open!!!)

i so agree with the exhaustion thing. that’s how it happens the first time. with the realm in shambles he’s got so much to attend to. readying his grey beards to march, making sure the people have enough food for winter, usual lord duties & guarding the wall on top of that. omfg.

he’s so tired… but he also wants you — and you need him. you’re practically aching. he takes off his cloak, his gloves, and sheds most of his outer layers that protect him from the cold. he sits to take off his boots & that’s when you saunter over. greeting him with a small hug, and his head falls against your chest as he sighs. you can almost feel the exhaustion radiating off of him. he shifts after a moment, pulling you down onto his lap & connecting his lips with yours. he can’t help it, he needs to feel you. he sighs, deepening the kiss.

“Cregan..” you whine his name against his lips. “want you.”

his response is quick. “Have me.”

he slips his tongue in your mouth, and your hips begin to grind against his clothed cock. he groans at the feeling, his hands groping at the soft flesh of your waist. your hands rake through his hair, massaging lightly at his scalp & giving the occasional tug. he’s pliant, yet in control even in his exhaustion. he’s more reactive than normal, giving you breathless sighs & soft groans at your small ministrations.

you break the kiss, moving your hips off of him and cregan can feel the frustration bubbling beneath his skin. he wants you closer. as close as you can get. he’s about to pull you back to him when he sees your hands go to fumble with the laces of his trousers, and he grasps your intent. you unlace them just enough to free his cock, and his inhale at the feeling of your hand around him is sharp enough to cut butter. you don’t have to undress, already bare beneath your night-shift, a loose fitting robe that does a poor job of concealing anything. not that you’d ever hide from cregan, anyways.

you guide him to your entrance, sinking down on him, and cregans brows harden, eyes closing as a grunt spills from his lips. his hands are on your hips, hard in their grip, but he can’t help it. you’re killing him here. he sinks to the hilt, and you both take a moment to catch your breath. you’re tight, warm & wet around him, and he’s filled you, that delicious stretch that you love so much making you hiss.

“Let me see you.”

you hum in acknowledgment at his words, hand moving to undo the poorly tied center lace of your night-shift. as you do this, his hand comes to aid in sliding the material off of your shoulder. there’s something exhilarating about you being fully bare, and cregan remaining still fully clothed.

his hands begin to guide you, setting you up & down on his cock. you help where you can, lifting yourself when he guides you to do so. the pleasure is almost overwhelming, hot flames of desire licking up your spine at each drag of his cock. his hand comes to cradle your jaw, bringing you closer to connect your lips. your mouths move against each other, small moans & gasps exchanging between the both of you. he adjusts the angle, making his cock hit that spot that makes you whine, tensing with pleasure.

your head falls to the crook of his shoulder, muffling your moans against his skin. the hand that was cradling your jaw slides down to the back of your neck, keeping you flush against him.

& in this moment, cregan can’t think of anything he loves more than his wife. his sweet, gorgeous wife that just makes the loveliest noises when he’s sheathed deep inside her, and looks the prettiest when she’s cumming.

[madockisser]

cardan/nicasia: why they’ll never happen again analysis/speculation

a while back i saw someone (or rather, a thread of ppl saying that they hope cardan and nicasia don’t get it on in the next book which is supposed to be nicasias book (supposedly) and i even saw someone say they WISH THEY DO ?!

so here’s your fun reminder of what nicasia put cardan through!

I’ve gathered together all the shit nicasia did to cardan: being the first girl he loved then breaking his heart w his friend, allowing cardan to catch them ON HIS BEDROOM FLOOR. (not entirely her fault but she totally had shits and giggles abt it when cardan confronted her) then when Locke screwed her over, she got CARDAN and his power as prince, to harass the girl(s) locke chose over her, one of which cardan liked, then later on was trying to manipulate him to marry her (which i think is when cardan realized they weren’t rly even friends anymore), THEN kidnapping and torturing the girl she knew cardan loved, AND befriending his abusive neglectful mother!

like damn. how u even fumble that bad, not just romantically but as a friend.

also I’d like to add her consistent entitlement, not just the whole “i bully girls bc I’m a princess and i can!” but the “cardan take me back even after i emotionally ruined you multiple times!” 😐

poor cardan

anyway, I’ve read lots of holly black books, and she is VERY mindful w abusive sort of relationships. and cheating relationships. she writes about them a LOT and each time they are pretty irredeemable.

note(the only exceptions):Taryn and hazel (darkest part of the forest) who sorta cheated on accident/ it wasn’t their fault-> but didn’t end well

add on note sorry: “but nicasia cheated on cardan on accident bc Locke was a gancanagh!” false! nicasia admitted that what her and Locke were doing was prolonged, the scene that cardan finds them is not their first time screwing around. nicasia KNOWINGLY cheated on cardan. then she was like “ok but i still care abt u! take me back” ?

now you can say that it could sorta be classified as an accident due to lockes natures (which are actually really disturbing if u think abt it) and that’s true, i never blamed nicasia for that relationship, but i do blame her for all the utter dogshit she not only put cardan thru, but Jude.

and this is cardan we are talking about. he who killed half an army for Jude when madoc tried taking his daughter back (sounds funny out of context).

we must remember that cardan does not want Jude hurt and humiliated and that’s exactly what nicasia went and did to Jude. through all the books bro. nicasia literally kidnapped and tortured Jude in the undersea so there’s 0 chance of cardan touching nicasia unless maybe to turn her into a tree again (but he can always just do that at a distance 😛)

anyway back to the cheating:

which is why i know that holly would never pull any sort of bull w cardan and nicasia, and you may be thinking (well that’s bullshit what do u know?) 3 separate books w cheating tropes, and 5+ diff relationships that involve cheating w no redemption. LOL

anyway black and i certainly agree on that front, and the way she uses the trope so consistently, and makes it so the cheaters are never endgame, or have a horrible death (Locke AND his mom, also Eva Duarte 😭the dude Ben dated from dpotf, and Kaye and that guy Janet was dating, Val and Tom and dave and lolli (modern faerie tales)) is pretty telling!

holly is great at writing healthy relationships, and she knows that tcp is her biggest hit w the media, so she won’t go and fuck that, not just bc she would never and it’s out of her writing style and character and literally moral compass when it comes to writing relationships, but also bc her publishers/editors would NEVER let that slide.

but i can’t wait for her book! i love knowing that nicasia will never have a chance w cardan again, it’s no less than what she deserves 😋

anyway sorry for ranting! I just feel so strongly abt this topic, cardan would never cheat on Jude, since he’s been cheated on before, and it was heart wrenching, and bc of his upbringing, he would never. if you haven’t, go thru my masterlist in my pinned and find the cardan /nicasia thing where i explain why he wouldn’t cheat far better there!

But feel free to add on, i probably missed a few things so lmk!! 🫶

[appleslices]

got asked to be in my coworkers band and im going to my first practice and like im nervous bc i dont remember how to play the keyboard. fumbled my way thru the first page of music like ok- i think im hitting the right notes going by my ear but im also like- like no one should be able to hear me until im good enough to like play a whole song. “oh its fine dude!” he says. like yeah but i dont want to be a disappointment 😭

[jellybeanium124]

BRUH ok so I was at the grocery store buying wine and some other things at the self checkout, and the employee comes over while I'm fumbling thru my purse. she asks for my birthday so I tell to her while I'm still trying to find my damn ID, she types it in WRONG, like she only got the year right, I finally pull out my license and she doesn't even look at it and then walks away. girl?????????

[myloveforhergoeson]

1 thru 10 for rames 👀👀👀

EHEHEHHE hiiii!! thank you! i love all of these loll

who fell first? who fell harder?

(<- can't get rid of?) james fell first. lmao. no funny comment no jokes he's just that kinda guy, and he's liked roxy for a long long time. as for who fell harder... well... i'd say it's up for debate. in my mind, it's roxy, just because i've got the timeline of their relationship so permanently etched into my brain i might as well get it tattooed in the back of my eyes or something. but from just the writing + whats out of the story, i think the case could be made for james as well!

2. who is the one who fusses the most? does their s/o mind very much?

rox for sureee. we all saw how she was when he got sick! miss girl was good and freaked; almost felt sick herself just looking at him. wrapped him up in a blanked burrito, tried to give him as much medicine as she could, sat and played her guitar for him. she was so worried! james, though unwell, lapped that shit up tho. he looooves it - doesn't mind at all. he's not superrr fussy i'd say in general because he knows she can take care of herself pretty well, but he has his moments for sure. roxys usually 50/50 about being ok with it or not bc she knows he has good intentions

3. what is their love language?

call me a hater but i've never really understood only having one major love language (sorry), i think it's more of a combination of multiple that help made a good relationship among many other things. for roxy, i'd say she's more inclined to lean into quality time overall, just being around james and hanging out together as much as they can is her favorite thing ever. even if they're not doing anything particularly special, it's still important to her that they're doing it together. that, coupled with words of affirmation through songwriting is mostly how she's able to express her feelings (maybe that can also count for receiving gifts if we call each song one?), though if james did press her she could be able to fumble out some affirmations here and there :) for james, i'd say physical touch is huge for him - he's pretty much always got a hand on her somewhere if they're close enough. secondary for him is also words of affirmation and it comes much easier to verbally communicate for him than it is for her!

4. has either oc ever gotten a hickey off the other? what was their reaction?

ya. i'll put it in tasw when im not too embarrassed to write it and when i think their relationship is crossing into more physically intimate lines (though they are minors so nothing explicit will be written about them just as a sidenote). i'd say roxy is actually quite the demon about it, though she isn't leaving them where people would likely see because she'd get bashful about it. surprised james at first, and he's not fond of it happening too often bc bruises + his beautiful skin don't pair well. but as long as she asks first and he agrees he's fine to wait out the few days it takes to disappear. other way around, it's not his go to move because he knows it'll embarrass her if someone says something. so if he wants to leave one its going somewhere someone can't see. if he asks first she will also be okay with it every once and a while!

5. what is something they like to do together?

they're still honeymoon phasing it for the most part so just being together at all is something the two of them love. they haven't really found their thing yet, but music does really connect them. she's becoming more open to letting him hear her works in progress and he's learning a lot about her through that! they also like to make out :) a lot :)

6. who would ask the 'would you love mf if i were a worm?' question? how would their s/o answer?

james is asking and roxy is telling him no she would not!

see morning glory (2.4):

“James, that was incredible!” Roxy praised, reaching over the railing to pull the item off the line and onto the stairs with them. “Where did you learn how to do that?”

Had it not been for the darkness of the outer edges of the studio, she might have seen how red his cheeks grew at her amazement. “My dad liked to fish.”

There was something off about the way he said that, as if there was a bit more to the statement than he was letting on, but now certainly wasn’t the time to pry. Instead, the writer nodded, “So does mine! He took me with him once when I was little, but I cried when I learned he used live worms as bait.”

“Aww,” He voiced sympathetically, before taking his pointer finger and wiggling it around right before her very eyes. “Little Roxy couldn’t stand to see the worms?”

With her free hand, she knocked his out of the way and failed at concealing her laughter. “No! I couldn’t then and I can’t now! All they do is dig around in the dirt and poop and-”

7. who likes forehead kisses? who likes hand kisses? who likes neck kisses?

though they both do generally, roxy roxy roxy. lol. no elaboration on this one sorry!

8. who is the big spoon? little spoon?

depends on the situation, if they're just sleeping james is typically big spoon and rox is little spoon just because they fit better that way, but in times when he's sick or needs some extra comfort or she's feeling extra clingy she's happy to hold him in return :) they're versatile lol

9. if there wasn't enough seats, how would they sit? one on the others lap? one on the armrest? one on the floor in front of them?

she's in his lap immediately lmaooooo. most of the time it's because he's pulling her there! goes along w number 3

10. who plays with whose hair?

roxyyyy she loves his hair soo much! he takes good care of it so its extra soft and so smooth and she loves having her fingers in it. screwing up his do be damned! james will too, mostly if they're just watching tv or something he'll braid hers or put it up in funny ways to amuse himself. but if they're cuddling or whatever she's usually got her hands in his hair and he's usually got his on her body lol. <- guy who worked so hard on his washboard abs to fall for a hair girl

RAHH OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS WAS SO FUN😭🙏 some flying into your inbox very soon <3

send me a number 11-100 to learn more about rames!!!

[heartub]

I won't stand any more general strange new worlds slander ok you fools?

the only reason strange new worlds is fumbling is because, and I cannot stress this enough, the only reason

is that spock x kirk is clearly a slow burn

kirk falls first, spock falls harder situation that clearly involves spock realizing his sexuality

which is why we're slogging thru these nurse chapel shenanigans

spock also has yet to have a real conversation with kirk, but there was something a little fruity, just a tad with him and boimler, the gay will be truly unleashed upon a real interaction with kirk, which won't come until later

[reinerispretty]

ok ok so i’ve been working on this canon-esque reiner fic for literal YEARS right and i can never get it quite right but it literally lives in my head like a movie and i hope one day i can get thru it because i really want to share it with everyone!!! i tried before but getting the timeline right and all the backstory just ended up being too back and forth so i fumbled a lil

[narwhalandchill]

guys im sorry i swear ill start talking more abt all the positive aspects of 2.0 soon but. welp

(firefly rant TWO!!! now with otto apocalypse. okay not even abt her lol its just ranting about misrepresentations of otto and The Memes being made. iykyk. but anyway. spoilers and all 🫡🫡)

so first of all i dont go there anymore so the lore details might be fumbled a bit but also like the actual fucking disrespect to otto and WHY kallens death had such a massive fucking impact on him when u act like the situation there is anywhere NEAR comparable to the TB and firefly situation in 2.0 💀 "oh its just a meme" well its a BAD one im sorry

like YES otto has or at least had some degree of romantic feelings towards kallen but that was FAR from all she represented to him??? like the entire point is that in ottos eyes over time as he grew more and more cynical ruthless and jaded kallen slowly became less of just. a human being. and started turning into the actual and ONLY personification of all good that is even worth fighting for anymore when it comes to humanity itself.

kallen to otto was the literal representative of hope and humanitys goodness. and yes that degree of idolatry is fundamentally dehumanizing towards her too and disregards her personhood but thats WHY its so fucking interesting. kallen was just a human being doing her best to fight for the people and do good yet ottos perception of her grew into one stained by obsession and defined thru blind worship because NO ONE ELSE but her could convince him there was jack shit to the world worth fighting for

THATS where his obsession comes from. THATS why otto went to the ends of the earth and beyond to resurrect her all the while knowing shed feel nothing but utter horror at witnessing how far he fell just for her. bc kallen has NEVER seen herself the way otto did. kallen wouldve NEVER wanted ANYONE to go through the lengths that otto did (KNOWINGLY in violation of her wishes) for her. because she knew better. but thats not how otto was.

in ottos eyes humanity became fundamentally irredeemable when kallen was first vilifed and sentenced to death and then died sacrificing herself for the very same people who were going to execute her anyway. humanity proved itself worthless by failing kallen. THATS his breaking point thats driving his actions the entire time after kallens death and why hes willing to commit all and any sins imaginable to save kallen. because in his mind for a very long time kallen hasnt been just a woman he loved as a friend and as an unrequited crush whose death crushed him just bc omg death grief sad uwu. otto ALREADY had a completely warped perception of the world when kallen was still alive but through her death it all just escalated and turned him into the actually insane madman maniac we know him as. and because humanity already proved itself a failure by betraying kallen as the actual messiah-figure she grew into in his head there was no price too high to force the rest of the world to pay on his way to saving kallen.

so.

is that what fucking firefly represents to TB to these ppl????? the irreversible shattering of the worldview of someone already teetering at the edge of a point of no return??? is "omg crush died sad 😢" how fucking shallow do ppl think ottos core motivation is??? holy shit

ok anyway i swear ill calm down now HSJSJSJSKSKSKDK but like DUDE theres a Reason i actually bawled when that mf died in hi3rd and thats BECAUSE he was so fucking good as a fucked up antagonist BECAUSE he was never omg entitled incel (btw. do ppl like. know kallen rejected his offer of political marriage to save her life when she was already due to execution and that he. completely respected it? like. he let her reject him even when it meant certain death for kallen. i s2g ive seen terminally online kallen f/f shippers on twt act like hes some cishet stalker and i.....😭 like hate on him sure he deserves it but dont smear his name????!??) or anything bland or creepy like that. his worship of kallen and who he built her up to be in the pedestal of his mind is so messed up and toxic and tragic (bc he Actually loved her so much?? beyond platonic or romantic? but in all the wrong obsessive ways??? like its so messy) and genuinely interesting in a way u dont see that often in fiction and im actually mad to see his motivations reduced to waa waa honkai beast stabbed kallen.

like EVEN if you enjoyed and were emotionally invested in firefly and TBs arc. (which is perfectly fair im happy for yall!!!! dont let my hater antics get to u!!!) but do NOT be out there acting they had anything like what ottos fucked up complex around kallen is and was at any point of his life please and thank you. this blonde freak of a man didnt LITERALLY defy the laws of the universe just bc kallen dying made him cRaZY 🤪 it was FAR worse than that. HE was far worse than that. i rest my case

[raisinchallah]

i do think the funniest part of my whole socializing conundrum is well i used to do theater and people said i was a pretty good actor but i didnt really understand any of the techniques or like idk it just is like ok u do it whatever it feels almost the same as being myself simply a different way to act and ive always struggled with defining a character thru a monologue id always do best in two person scenes feeding off the other actors energy it was even more extreme doing improv im like stumbling fumbling about worst performance by a mile when called up to do something solo but the second i had a scene partner everyone thinks im hilarious and im coming up with so much stuff and like this literally is how i am around other people i think i often go kind of unnoticed or feel like im nothing more than air around people in crowds and have such difficulty even just getting spoken to first cuz its like i have nothing to me until im trying to be whoever the other person is im like the most unremarkable boring person in the world until i somehow get to know someone a bit then i can do other things u unlock my tricks or something but literally who am i without someone to vampirically take a personality from..

[hellonpluto]

Spider-Man 3 (2007) during-the-movie notes. They're not actually notes but i'm calling them that bc idk man

Spider-Man 3 (2007) notes!!

-intro pt 3. Loving how since there's like an evil version of him or smth the intro's more dark n brooding. Less reds n more black

-the backgrounds in the intro are more green whenever harry is being shown in the flashbacks!!! What the freak!!!

-spidey swinging thru the cracked glass memories is such a good idea and they did it so well

-OH SHIT THEN IT SHOWS VENOM SNEAKING INTO THE DNA N WEBS

-"ur friendly neighbor-hood.. yknow." YEAH I KNOWWWW

-GWEN STACY???? she's so prettyyyyyyy...

-mj slaying??? Yeah

-peter's so smitten its so cute :]

-thats right it took till the third movie to get a :] outta me

-i would love this scene even more if we didnt see stacy beforehand. Like its so sweet but also. Why

-"your knees were fine 😊"

-they're so cuteeeeeee . What the fuck is gonna happen to them

-VENOMMMMM

-at least i think its him

-why is this man breaking into a home. Do not touch her

-ohh its his daughter

-but still ew

-aunt may is so sweet for giving peter her wedding ring to give to mj. Thats so lovely

-but sadly boy gets yoinked on his way home

-is this one abt harry fumbling instead of peter

-IS HARRY DEAD????

-dna scene aw hell yeah

-wait no is he dusting away

-sand man???

-is he. Ok

-he mustve been a bitch to animate

"YOU TELL MY WIFE--*hits button*--thank you."

-what is going ON with newspaper man

-"Can i just say i really like that shirt?--here, its the crane accident."

-"he likes my shirt 👁👁"

-"does anybody care about what i want?" "I do!!" "Shut up. Get out."

-STAN LEE CAMEO(he speaks)

-NO. NO. NO PETEY NO DO NOT KISS HER

-FUCKING GOD. PETER. WHAT.

-EW

-gwen stacy get out

-peter ur so stupid

-VENOM!!!!!!!!

-new suit moment

-SYMBIOTE!!!!!!!

-"see ya chump."

-subway fight sick af

-bro's mudding it up

-edgy????

-*covers one eye with hair* because tonoight will be the noight that i will fall for youi ...

-NUH UH. SPIDEY DOESNT KILL

-Harry paints!!! Thats so silly!!

-landlord friendship unlocked??

-ok so now mj cheats

-NORMAN YOU EVIL SKANK

-peonies 😔

-STRAWBERRIES????

-oh shit what

-peter evil arc

-hrm

-i hate his collar :)

-HE HAS BANGS NOW WHAT

-newspaper man is confused and worried

-hes so real for that

-THE DANCING MEME

-ewwww peter ewwww

-he can play piano?? What???

-two girls ar once????

-uhm

-holy shit

-he's getting his boogey on

-woahhh woah byddy. Woaht. What. Nooio

-PICK A STRUGGLE PETER. PICK ONE.

-bar fight?

-he's trapped :[

-OOOOO VENOMMMM

-awooooooga

-eddie brock omg

-i love the voice changing and the animation. Im swooning over the craftmanship omg

-EDD???

-OH MY SHIT I WAS RIGHT ABT 'SANDMAN'

-"ooh.. my spider-sense is tingling 😏" eddie are u trying to get it on with mr parker

-bro he even tied him UP

-HARRY OSBORN UR AMAZING

-hand-holding from first movie resumed!!!

-oh my fick i was joking then i gor to the "give me your hand!" Bit. Harry ur not slick

-newspaper man gets scammed by kid(its me im the kid)

-"HANG ON!!" "TO WHAT??"

-parksborn, your honor.

-why did peter moan

-anyways.

-eddie's teeth are now fucked up in civilian form. Nvm

-HARRY NOOOOOO

-harry :[

-ok yeah no i dont like eddie no mo

-i think i just like the venom animation. Yeah

-bro gets fucked up via noise

-eddie just. Killed himself

-what the flip

-marko :[

-MARKOOOOOO

-HARRY :[[[[[[[

-why yyyyyy

-couldnt peter have just. Webbed him up a bit? Why?????

-the throuple is now just a couple 😔

-seeing mj. I think i need to watch the ironman movies to see pepper pots(potts?) and tony stark not constantly cheat on eachother. I mean at least i hope they dont

-good movie, i feel like venom couldve been used a bit better. Very sad abt harry. 7/10 honestly. I think thats just bc im sad, but i liked 2 the best out of the og three movies.

[blanket-hugger]

ppl tell me things in their coursework sometimes.

(In fact I ran aTerribleFunctionWhoseAsymptoticYouShouldComputeWhichIsJustAnOrder2LinearRecurrenceWrittenInAnInefficientWay(1000) and after 30 minutes, it still wasn’t done computing. In retrospect I now realize that, since I’m on a 64-bit computer, I probably should have tried n = 64 or way less.)

BESIDES THE CATEGORICAL MISUNDERSTANDING OF THE BITS guess maybe all of the "this module is too theoretical" has a point buried in there and i should risk fumbling my way thru some pseudo fermi calculations of like "ok assume optimistically your cpu frequency is 5GHz and each line of the program which is not a function call is 2 cycles and it takes a single cycle to actually do a call or a return, THEN your computer is going to die before the computation is done if you put so many digits in your input to an exponential function".

[autonoes]

so there is a situation. no one has to read this bc it’s probably gonna be pretty much incoherent and i’m just tryna think things thru. (self harm and suicide mention)

me and two other guys have been friends for like 13yrs or smth. let’s call them friends A and B ok. friend A is like the sweetest man ever but a v passive and anxious guy, v bad at making decisions and just coasts thru life and gets pushed around. he’s had this sorta older gf (early 30s i think) for like 2 yrs. she is basically a surrogate mum for him (drives him around, tells him what to do, gives him a place to live blah blah). it’s a bit creepy but ok. she has been up front since day 1 that she wants babies. loads of babies. friend A has somehow skirted around the issue and put it off for years now. he is NOT ready to be a dad and he says this openly—but not to her. she has an unstable visa and work situation and quite bad anxiety/depression. A’s mum gets on suuper well with girlfriend and wants them to get married and have kids asap

enter friend B. friends A and B have this mutual friend. friend A opened up to this mutual guy and told him that things were kinda fucked up between him and gf. main thing is that she’s self-harming and friend A feels like he needs to protect her. this has made him super isolated cos he can’t stay away from her at all without her calling and texting constantly asking him to come home. mutual friend tells friend B all this out of concern for friend A, and tells him to tell me too. friend B starts messaging me abt how we need to step in and do something (i’m at the other end of the country at this time). he’s even considering telling friend A’s mum so that she will swoop in and save him. at this time i was under the impression that girlfriend was threatening friend A with self harm and suicide. so i was like that’s abusive as fuck. u gotta talk to him. so friend B meets up with friend A. but he brings that mutual friend guy AND some other dude we all know from school who knows nothing about all this??? and he totally fumbles it and doesn’t even mention anything. very annoying but ok. i’ll just do it

anyway so now i’m back in the same part of the country as them all. and i’m gonna talk to friend A. i meet up with friend B and try to get more info out of him and he tells me that yes there IS a self harm element but now he doesn’t know whether it’s being used as a threat or not. so this makes everything waay more complicated and throws it all into veeery sensitive gray area.

anyway i’m meeting up with friend A tomorrow and idk how exactly i’m gonna approach this. bc i’m not even meant to know ANY of this rly. like it’s v sensitive and confidential info that he gave to a totally different guy and which has now passed two hands to get to me. so idk whether it’s best to pretend like i don’t know anything and just coax the same info out of him so we can talk abt it. or whether i should be up front and say i heard some stuff i’m concerned abt and ask him to give me his perspective on it all…. i don’t mind talking to him abt this. i feel like i might be able to come at it on his level bc i have had some experience w this kind of thing in a relationship before (tho when much younger and a lot less messy) and i know how it can fuck ur head up.

it’s all a mess tbh. i’m gonna stop thinking abt it and just talk to him and take it as it comes. i am worried abt him. either he stays w her and leads her on even more abt having kids til she goes completely mad and dumps him. or he does have kids (not good situation). orr he actually takes a stand for once and tells her he does not want children and they split. this is probably the ‘best’ situation but it would be very hard for him and for more reasons that i cannot explain might end up very badly for him….. aaagggggh. v upsetting. i hope he will be ok

omg this is long and incoherent. sorry if u read all this

[bloodperv]

ok i’m either really fufckin dense (not unlikely) or just having an average dyke moment but there’s a girl at the coffee shop drive thru near me who has served me multiple times and she calls me pretty girl when taking my order is she flirting with me.

oh my god wait i just remembered i’m pretty sure she’s the girl who came into my old food service job and called me pretty girl and i fumbled so bad bc she caught me so off guard

[pepprs]

ok mutuals. i am waiting for my first layer of paint to dry (it looks like shit rn lol but if this turns out good i might post it) and im still debating whether or not to say anything now that ive written the letter. like to say that this sucks. there’s that post i just rbed that’s like don’t hold back bc you think it’s cringe but then i saw another post tonight abt a Very specific situation that is not fair for me to be thinking abt in this way but the jist of it (removing the context) was that u shouldn’t burden ppl w ur grief when they make necessary decisions that make them happy. so it’s like ok. and again this is me taking that latter post completely and inappropriately out of context but realy shouldnt / doesn’t ir apply to all situations where someone is making a choice for their own happiness that takes their idealized version of you away from them. grief and everything that comes with it is burdensome and makes the other person feel guilty when ultimately it isn’t even about you. and i know bc ive been on the other side of this situation so many times and have been angry and frustrated when (specific) ppl grieve me for not being who they needed me to be. but this is my first time EVER being on the other side actually in a way that is actually real and not just in my head or metaphorical lol. i fear it literally all the time ofc but this is the first time in my life where someone is leaving me (and CHOOSING to) and not when im leaving either by choice or by like… by virtue of having to progress into a new school or mandatory study abroad or whatever. and it fucking sucks so bad.and if it was me doing this i would want her to talk to me abt how hurt / angry / sad she was and *i* would be hurt / angry / sad if she felt like she needed to hold back but… she is wired differently and needs different things and i truly think me telling her that this is dealing me psychological damage i will carry with me for the rest of my life is only going to be unhelpful and make her angry and uncomfortable. lol