#if i dont respond i just dont know what to say lol
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Pls send me drawing reqs if you like me I'm extremely artblocked but want to post more
#also im incredibly lonely please talk to me#if i dont respond i just dont know what to say lol#art#my art#mizuki akiyama#project sekai
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Closest you'll ever get to a face rev
#happyftartreal#my sona#sona art#i uhh#dont know what to say LOL#yeahh i was just testing how to draw myself..#if you see someone like this#HELLO IDK IF ID RESPOND IF SOMEONE SAID#“ARE YOU HAPPYFT?????????”#LIKE UMM..WHAT DO I SAYY#itd be funny
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i feel like i'm the only ml fan who really doesn't care about chloe bourgeois. 🫣
thas okay
#ash answers#Anonymous#im sorry anon i dont... i dont know what to say to this LOL#i dont have opinions either way about her shes just a character to me#you are valid in ur opinion! u dont have to care abt her if u dont want to#i just dunno how else to respond
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Why do old ppl have to send the most fucking dry and hard to understand/respond to messages
#mom sent me some random funny cat video and when i respond lol its one of our cats she just goes “i love her. she died”#FUCKING OKAY???#completely random cat from somebody we dont know on some facebook meme#and mom acts like it was a beloved family pet#its sad yeah but what the fuck was that?? she sends me a meme and then gets completely serious and says that shit???#i hate the way that ppl talk#elliot rambles
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made my mom cry but i got some serious bull shit off my chest oh well happy mothers day
#shes reading this conference talk where this guy says “trust is the basis of all relationships” and she says i dont think thats true bc how#can a mother trust her baby. how can a mother trust a toddler. how can a mother trust an adult child who has lied or turned their life away#from their parents.#and so i asked her do you not trust us kids?#abd she waffled but eventually she said Yesh. like i love you and i know i can trust you for some things but all of you have hurt me so.#and i said Yeah thats natural. i think complete trust is a superhuman quality i dont think i trust anyone 100%#qnd she says Okay so why dont you trust me. What have i ever done to you.#first of all. 😐 you dont want to hear it so dont ask that lol. 2nd you just told me you dont trust me and i didnt react so calm down.#but anyways i just said to her “youre dependable and i know you wont let me down when youve made a commitment to do something.#but i have emotions and thoughts that i do not trust you with.“#and we both started crying but i stood firm and i told her i love her but she just got up and left.#she loves starting convos like that but i do kind of feel bad for dropping thwt on her esp when she like. had to leave soon for an appt#but . i didnt say anything I didnt mean. and i was just responding to her.
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HOMURANE RAYYYYYYYYYYYYY
#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#utau#utauloid#homurane ray#one of my fav older utauloids. her deep tone is so cool. i also need to use her for something some time#i found out the other day that in openutau you can press space to pause and play when in the note editing window#i didnt know. i didnt know. i had been switching to the main program window to manually click the pause button. since theres none in#the editing window. i didnt know until i taught a buddy how to use openutau and they did that and i was like WHAT THE FUCK#they said they saw it in a tutorial they watched. i dont watch tutorials. i dont read manuals. with software i run in#and push buttons until either i figure it out or everything explodes. this is the life im living#ANYWAY what im saying it openutau just became way easier to use now that i know that it responds to space bar presses LOL#so i should mess around... i should make some covers.....
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omg you hate nozze??? you hate mozart???? this is literally the first time im hearing this opinion of yours that literally no one ever asked for should we tell everybody should we throw a party
#i cant with these people#cannot fucking mention mozart in passing without this girl needing to state out loud that he sucks and that nozze is the worst opera ever#and then she complains that some guy responded that he doesnt like godunov when she said she does and that 'that was so rude??' like girl???#be sooo fckn fr rn#cant find that 'all music before the 19th century is worthless' post#but christ knows i could reblog it after every single conversation with these people#this is unbearable#cant have a single conversation with them and her especially without her mentioning how much my most beloved music sucks#or sometimes not even saying anything just laughing in my face when i mention it like ???????#like jokes are jokes and i get them. we all joke that way. but when it happens in literally EVERY SINGLE conversation#that's not joking anymore. that's just being a bitch. and i really couldn't care less that we dont like the same music#thats not what this is about and you know it girl. i just dont understand what you get from it lol
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my käärijä merch hot take is its not oversized enough. i bought a medium which is usually reasonably baggy on me with most brands but its like baggy on top but kinda hugs my ass and like. no i want to be drowned in it. or maybe i am spoiled by the sizing coolshirtz use which is my idea of perfect 😝
#i just saw merch discourse and this is my only take lol#maybe i should get an L or XL next time#the shirts are good quality tho and i dont mind the minimalist design as an option but it def would b cool#if there were more flashy designs.#like i nearly got ashnikko merch at ruisrock just because it fucked so hard#and i know like 3 songs#anyway thats all i have to say thank u#käärijä#what i tag#i want to make käärijä fanbase friends plz respond
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bitching abt my job again
tags contain frank mentions of transphobia and homophobia
#this happened like. i dont know. a month ago or something but i still keep playing it in my mind#for those unawares: theres been a fucking community outrage over the pride display at the library i work at#and have been working/volunteering at for 5 years#only it never went up. it never went up. bc the mayor came in as a quote unquote private citizen and demanded it taken down#despite the fact that patrons are required to fill out complaint sheets and even then it isnt ensured a display will be taken down#so obviously its a misuse of power that hes spinning into him being a concerned citizen#and i made a whole post bitching abt it and im doing so again (hi) bc i didnt like how our director responded to it#and yeah. so there was a board meeting after that right. well i set up for them as i usually do and let me tell you. that was the first#--time more than like 6 people came to spectate. it was insane.#and i guarantee that this months meeting wont have half as many people that fucking crammed themselves in there to complain abt gay ppl#bc of course they dont give a shit about the library#they just care about how scary the queers are#and yeah it was a shit show. i learned we have a far right organization in our town#and i was sat right in front of her husband the whole time#(standing actually. i was standing between him and my moms chair and he was sighing and grumbling the whole time bc he couldnt muster the#--balls to ask the 5 foot 2 fag in front of him to please move lol. small victories right)#when i say her i mean the leader of the freaks. idk. chairman? anyway she had a whole speech about how like queers are bad and cutting#the penises off little babies or whatever and she pulled up this passage from a book that was part of the display#its some book by the youtuber rowan ellis-- here and queer i think was the title. it was cataloged in our ya section and contained passages#talking about like having safe sex and what dildoes are and all that kind of shit. just really clinical descriptions imo. im not familiar w#--the youtuber really but im assuming they wrote it as informational bc shocker: teens be having sex. unsafe sex. especially queer teens#sourse: i was one of tgose#and...think for a moment. remember when you were a teen. youd rather fucking DIE than listen to your parents give you the sex talk#and chances are if youre gay your parents arent even going to know WHAT gay sex is (hugging without shirts on) so youre going to look#--elsewhere#bc if youre a hormonal fucking teen youre going to figure it out one way or another! especially if youre from (cough) a podunk shitwater#--town like mine that ran on abstinence by way of sex education#i think teens deserve to have access to that sort of information through trusted means. and i do mean het teens too#but no these fucking morons put on airs like everyones waiting till marriage--no! not my becky sue! as if they werent fucking around in#--holy shit i reached taglimit. i didnt ecen know there was one. hold on
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I don't care when people don't include me in stuff, I'm used to it but-----
my own family going on a trip w/o even asking me kinda felt
shit 🫠
#like i understand cuz they gave up on trying to talk to me butttttttt#why the fuck am i the villain in the story even like this 😭#its okay if u dont give a fuck abt me. but at least dont make me feel like i deserve it lol#like yes sorry but i have a reason for lowkey disliking all of you#and i know damn well all of you know why#yet they always say that it makes no sense i behave this way#behave this way means keeping my healthy distance and trying to move out asap#i dont spread hate and im not an asshole with them???#but me not acting all lovey dovey is a problem too#yes idk i always think i should cherish that they are still alive and i could better my relationship with them but#What to do when you can see your own dad literally hating you#like when he talks to me he always does so in a cynical and angry way#man im sorry i was born and shit its kind of your fault for not using a condom :/#lol okay i think imma delete this later but yes#yes i hate it that the only people i feel loved by are de*d ffsssssssssssssss#like all is well lately but i wish! love wouldn't only exist in my head man! im happy this way but when i realize the situation its kind of#pathetic and idk until how long#can i keep on staying sane like this lol#im kind of already insane if we think abt it but how long will it take me to lose my marbles completely 😭#yes this crisis was spiraled by just me not being included in a trip i wouldnt have gone to regardless if they asked me#but yes like. Idk they could have just told me at least😭 i called my sis in the morning and she responded like 10 hours later that they are#w dad and a womannn doing some funsies eating pancakes n shit 👻👻#i hate pancakes and i hate myself but 👻#im jealous of you guys frrrrr🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛ for being so normal n happy 🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛🐈⬛
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my guilty pleasure is celebrity gossip and goddamn i have opinions about the latest sza drama that i don't even think should be considered drama but no one on here cares because it's the gay fanfiction webbedsite
#anyways. i think everyone in this situation is insufferable#but also. sza. if two words posted ironically make you wanna dm an 18 year old fan and put her on blast for sharing said two words to her#audience of 250 followers on ig. i feel like. you could have just blocked her if it REALLY hurt that much to see a fan say 'sza wack'#literally the girl who posted it was annoying i know i know and shes continuing to be annoying#but also. if you are a world famous artist and sza wack is the worst thing someone can say to you. then what???#how do you respond when someone genuinely dislikes your music/??#are they problematic then???#like what#like i dont hate her or whatever but i personally think her music sucks lol
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OUGHHH I FOROGR
#i was supposed to go to my sisters house ;;;;#in my defense i was planning to go to both of my sisters houses on the same day#except i had to wait for a confirmation from my other sister as to WHAT DAY would be good#and it is now 7pm on sunday. i had all weekend.#my sister never fucking replied to me <3<3<3 guess ill#uh#fucking uhh#NOT teach her crochet#but it's also v late to get up and go out on a work day >:(#and i couldve had this done earlier. i COULD have had this done YESTERDAY#of my sister had actually replied#but nooooo my brain got stuck in 'just wait for confirmation before finalizing plans' mode#and now it's fucking 7pm on fucking sunday when i texted her on fucking FRIDAY MORNING.#and i forgot to actually PLAN THIS OUT#BC I WAS STUCK IN WAITING MODE.#gods. im just.#hhhhhhh#and now i have to figure out a different time for this bc i cant. i cant go out and do shit at 7pm.#sigh#my other sister is gonna be annoyed about it and i know that#shh ac#edit: cus i dont feel like adding on to it#but yeah i kinda figured i would get a response like that 👍#tbf my message was a little passive aggressive but like dude. i was ALSO in a shitty space all weekend.#its sooo funny that she seems to think that shes the only one who ever gets into shitty moods. lmao. lol even.#and im not saying i dont understand not responding to texts when in a bad mental state-#hell i left my mom on read for 2 days and i still have other messages ik i should respond to#but like. when it comes to messages that are time sensitive like that like. i could accept a 'no not this week' or whatever#its just#urgh
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*minecraft damage noise every few seconds, i am dying of cold*
#ouaaggghh i hatee winterrr 😭 put me in your heatwave please ill thrive#all the work weve done for years to not be actively suicidal and winter comes along like lol but what if you did it though fr#wouldnt that be cool. wouldnt that be chill? if you if you if you died right now of cold exposure and loneliness? and lack of colours#thats how winters talk to me and it hits hard every fucgeen time. i want to die so bad rn (no i dont i just wish it wasnt cold)#.(i just wish it wasnt so cold.)#personal#hm im gonna order a burger and watch a zelda marathon and then not move any more today i think. maybe for til i have to groceries anyway#eugh. ouggh. aaagh. euughh. owch#its just some cold weather why am i still so bad at handling it. it makes me think of fears like when people say the cure t fear is exposure#but then ive experienced 26 years of nighthtimes and they never get less scary? i never have less fear? so riddle me that batman#thats how i feel about winter im not scared of it as sush but its like. why so much effect on me still after living through many winters#i know this will pass and i know i own an electric blanket but it always gets to this point#and it feels like ittl be forever one way or another. ill either die of cold or the cold will never end#anyway if u see this send me pics of animals you think look cozy. idc if theyre yours or from the internet idc#i wont respond bc im busy wanting to die but itd be a nice moment of comfort anyway
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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#im so tired of this lalalalalalalalaa#something is Wrong lol#i really need this therapy on wednesday but guess WHAT im not going. im going to a funeral instead 🤡#and ill be singing in that stupid fucking church because have to but i dont fucking wanna i hate doing it and i hate churches#all i feel rn is the overwhelming urge to selfdestruct and like obv im not gonna kms now#but im so fucking angry that im not even *allowed* to do that anymore. like it was such a comfort all this time to know that i can just Quit#and now i cant because guess what someone has to take care of my mother 🫠 and im so fucking tired of being someone people depend on#to handle THEIR feelings and THEIR emotions and just take it all with humility and acceptance and kindness and never snap and bite back#like i dont WANNA hear about your dead husband i dont wanna hear about your stupid fucking boyfriend#i dont wanna hear about the new guy/girl who's hitting on you because you're so hot and perfect#i dont wanna be responsible for how people feel. i should just shut up and take it and be humble and never ask or expect anything back#but when is it MY turn to call at 1 am crying about how im tired and want to kms#or to start expecting shit of people and allow myself to get properly angry at them for not meeting those expectations#or to braggingly 'complain' about something the other person clearly lacks without any consideration for their feelings#or to just openly cry and say deeply personal shit without any filter not caring if that other person is clearly uncomfortable af#because *i* need it right now and i need someone to listen and let them worry about how to even respond to that stuff#im just so tired of people expecting shit of me im tired of being made responsible even tho i clearly cannot handle that responsibility#i wanna be mean i wanna snap and get angry and openly say that i dont give a shit and am tired and cant listen to this rn#but i cant because i have to be a motherfucking mother theresa and never dare to demand something for myself#and idk where that comes from. idk if it's coming from the fanatic catholicism of my childhood or my mother or just from myself and idc#i just feel so horrible and guilty and wrong for wanting anything for myself#and it once again feels like im making myself the victim and the tortured martyr here when i should just shut up and take it#i just wanna lie down and die and not care about who'll get angry or judge or blame me for it im tired and i dont know what to do#i want someone to take care of ME and reassure ME and make ME feel like i matter and that they really will help me if i ever need it#and that they'd be kinda sad if i were gone not because i had a role to fulfill that i failed at by killing myself but because i am a person#<- math calculations flying around my head as i come to the terrible realisation#of just why exactly im so deeply obsessed with my voice teacher (aside from her being literally the most beautiful woman alive lol) 🤡#like babygirl stop being so utterly overwhelmingly kind to me my knees are weak i would do anything for you queen and I MEAN IT
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how the hell do people just talk to people? how do they just put their thoughts out there like anyone gives a shit what they have to say?
#genuine question#and then people do give a shit#meanwhile i - stupid mcdumbshit - put my dumbshit thoughts into the world#and they float by. unacknowledged. because my thoughts are dumb and also stupid#maybe if i had more to talk about than how much i suck. thats not exactly a riveting topic of conversation#but even then man. i talk about shit other than my self-esteem issues and still. nobody fucking caaaaaares#or if they do it doesnt matter. im too stupid to carry a conversation#how do you know how to respond to people?#what do i say to get a good grade in conversation?#how do i reaccess my ability to articulate my thoughts on things?#how do i say things without being certain theyre 100% right and without being certain i dont look like a complete idiot?#i used to know how to do it but like. barely#but i still could converse#now? nothing#nothing i say has ever mattered but i guess it took a while for me to fully internalize that#and now i just cant speak much on anything. other than how much i suck lol#nobody is an expert on me like i am after all#to the void with love
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