#if i don't get off of tumblr this assignment is never going to get done

[alittledarkalittlegloom]

channeling the ghost of a 19th century woman who wrote for a newspaper in order to feed her children so that I can actually work on the paper that's due on saturday

[frownyalfred]

Do you think new league members ever get surprised by the built-in nepotism? Like Bruce being who he is like codified rules of hero title succession (like Dick taking Bruce's place as Batman and with it, all his founder status) or the Flash being a titled with a long history of being passed down. I mean, Bruce is even planning on Dick inherenting the league to become it's leader.

Do you think new members look at the member handbook, in the students, apprenticeship, partnerships, and sidekicks, and go "huh. That seems kinda... rigged??". Because honestly? If you're great, sure you can gain a lot of respect and power in the league but you'll never gain more power (from admin power to social power to beyond) then the founding members and founding membership can be inherited.

It's an interesting question. I can't speak to the canon responses very much, but I imagine it has a lot to do with people respecting the hell out of Dick Grayson/Nightwing and knowing he truly is the best leader to inherit Bruce's role. Batman's motivations in assigning that role to Dick isn't for some personal benefit, or a continued stake he wants to maintain in the League. He's not giving the position to Dick, essentially, to benefit himself or Dick -- he's giving it to Dick because he truly believes Dick is the best person to pick up the cowl after him. If he wasn't, I don't think we'd see Bruce handing off the League and Batman to someone who wasn't ready or wouldn't ever be ready.

I will also note that this 180 on nepotism is a very very new gen z phenomenon. I'm not saying I agree one way or another, so don't reblog saying frownyalfred says nepotism is okay. But also, we need to take a step back and realize that for a very long time in this country's history, nepotism, especially in "family" businesses, was damn near expected. Parents gave their kids their businesses when they wanted to retire. Dads hired their sons in their offices, etc etc. There were shades of nepotism, too -- giving a random son a title he didn't earn, versus hiring your accomplished son who just graduated top of his law school. It's not as clear cut as people online would like you to believe, that all nepotism is horrible, that all positions are unearned if they are given by family/friends, and that the worst thing in the world you could do is commit an act of nepotism and not, like, anything else more horrible. That's a tumblr/tiktok thing, which I feel I'm allowed to call out as a fellow member of gen z.

The Justice League isn't a business per se, but it is still something Bruce built and funds. So while we might see some mutterings about nepotism, yeah, I don't imagine anyone is going to get in Bruce's face and give him grief for giving his 1) highly qualified son a 2) position he trained for, for years that 3) Dick is ready to take when Bruce is done 4) in Bruce's own damn house (satellite).

Looking at hero succession through the lens of nepotism does the characters a disservice, I believe. We're applying a 2020's phenomenon (which is shedding important light on irl inequality and inequity, don't get me wrong) and ideas of "fairness" when the subjects are vigilantes and heroes.

And, disregarding everything I just said, the League itself does things by vote -- voting in Dick Grayson and having those checks/balances to Bruce's own goals is important, which is why he built them into the League itself. He can lobby the League, propose Dick, indicate his own preferences as a voting member, but if the entire Founders' table disagrees with him? His hands are kind of tied.

[perunapappa]

I started watching The Apothecary Diaries recently and I'm caught up with s2, I just want to talk about Jinshi. I never expected to like him so much, but now I want to write an entire character essay about him and what better reason to dust off my old tumblr blog lol

So, not really an essay, just thoughts poured on digital paper. Reflecting on my personal experiences and how some of it overlaps with Jinshi's, spoilers till s2 ep 12

I guess there were two scenes that sold me Jinshi as honorary transhomie. One when he was doing shirtless sword training in the middle of the night and wondering how much Maomao has already deduced about his situation and how her knowing “would put him at ease”. I don't think it's explicitly mentioned, but he must be worrying about rejection in some levels since it takes him a fucking forever to say anything.

I still can’t fully trust people if they don’t know I’m trans. There’s a major part of me they are not seeing, and I can relate to Jinshi in that scenario extremely well. I need people close to me know and it's always stressful getting to know people, deduce how they might feel about queer people before deeming if you can trust them. Granted, I haven't really done a major "friends and family I have a secret to share with you" thing in a long time. I'll just start dropping trans jokes when I think they are safe enough.

The other was the frog scene and how Jinshi was relieved he doesn’t “have to go through as much trouble explaining” (what he has in his pants and his general situation). As a trans person, whenever you start a (sexual) relationship with a new person, you'll likely have to have "the genital talk" at some point. What's really in your pants, how do you like your parts to referred to or to be touched, the whole deal. Dating trans people is so much easier in a way, that they know where you are coming from. You don't "have to go through as much trouble explaining" (what's in your pants), but with cis-people it's always more complicated and scarier experience.

I haven’t been in as extreme situations as Jinshi, but I can feel his frustration when Maomao just refuses him SO MANY TIMES. My man just wants to be seen as himself, wants this person he likes and trusts to see and accept him! Not this role he’s been put in.

But yeah, there are all the layers of how a eunuch is his “assigned and social” gender, how he tries to fit into that mould with mannerisms, medication, only sharing his truth with trusted few, but I just felt so seen with his fears and anxieties about trusting another person with his truth.

It's fun how my life and situation couldn't be further away from Jinshi's, but there's still some emotional common ground there. Stories are great.

[qprstobin]

Stobin Different First Meeting AU where they go to prom together. This was meant to be an au post and turned into a mini fic oops (written completely within a tumblr post so sorry for the poor quality)

(edit: realized I should link the fic I was inspired by for those who don't follow me and so didn't see me reblog it earlier)

Steve doesn't necessarily want to go to prom, right? Like yeah, he'd been imagining it for a while, but now that he was very, very single it just didn't have the same shine that it used to. And he really wasn't ready to start dating yet. However, he didn't want to just, not go to prom, and also knew it would seem really weird (and pretty fucking sad) if he didn't go.

Which leaves him in a conundrum.

He thought for a while that maybe he would go with one of the junior cheerleaders. While he didn't have any close friends anymore, he was still friendly with plenty of people. There were girls that wouldn't be going to prom unless they had a senior boyfriend - some he had even gone on dates with in the past who wouldn't think a single prom date meant that he wanted a new girlfriend.

However, he is pretty sure most of those girls would have... other expectations for the night. And honestly? He isn't quite sure that he was ready to get back on that horse either.

... Not that he thought women were horses.

He's pretty sure men are normally the ones called horses in riding metaphors.

Anyway.

That left him stuck. He couldn't just not go to prom, but also didn't want to wind up trapped on an actual date with someone. So who could he ask?

His solution ended up coming from an odd place.

Robin Buckley was... quite honestly, kind of a weirdo.

She was cute, in an alternative sort of way. She never took any of his shit (he wasn't completely sure she even liked him) but also reluctantly laughed at the snarky shit he said under his breath during their Film History class. And not in the fake giggly way girls did when they were flirting, but didn't actually care about what he was saying, just the way he said it. She actually seemed to think he was funny. Even if that revelation seemed to piss her off.

The only reason he was even in Film History that semester - and therefore, knew who she was - was for the easy A. He got to watch movies in class, and watch movies for homework. He was willing to plow through a couple of shitty essays in exchange for a class that he didn't feel like a complete idiot in.

(Well, he was pretty sure Robin thought he was an idiot about movies, but just because he had trouble remembering the names and shit of characters, didn't mean he couldn't analyze the themes, fuck you very much, Buckley.)

They had gotten assigned a project together early on, and it hadn't been completely terrible. She had quickly taken over doing most of the writing portions, but hadn't thought all of his ideas were terrible. By the end of the project he thought they were even sort of having fun together.

He'd always been one to try his luck, take a little more than he was given. So, after that assignment was over, he started sitting next to her in class, not wanting that easy, if sharp, camaraderie to end. Robin rolled her eyes at him and asked him what he thought he was doing the first time he did it, but she never sent him away.

They ended up chatting more and more during down times, passing notes to each other and sharing sly comments under their breaths during the movies. Steve often had trouble paying attention at school, his mind easily wandering away, and it was almost as bad during most movies, but Robin helped keep him on track.

The class turned into one that was done for the easy grade, a last ditch effort to improve his already hopeless GPA, and became one he actually enjoyed.

The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea of going to prom with Robin. It made the night seem a little less unbearable.

He thought about making a big deal out of asking her, because he knows that's what girls (and even Nancy) had enjoyed for past dances. He quickly scrapped that idea, however, because not only did he not want to put pressure on her like that, but also she seemed to hate public spectacles like that.

Or at least when aimed at her, they both enjoyed watching drama unfold in the halls a bit too much to say she hated it completely.

So Steve waits until the end of the day, their film class being their last, to pull her into an empty classroom. She follows him without question in a show of trust he didn't realize she had in him. The notion warms him, and for some reason makes it more difficult to get the question out.

"Why do I feel like you're about to try to sell me drugs or something?" Robin asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He squints at her in offense.

"Why is that your first assumption?!"

"I don't know! Why else are you pulling me out of the hallway all secretive like, making sure no one followed us, into an abandoned classroom," she asks, throwing her arms into the air.

"The classroom isn't abandoned, it's the end of the day! Also, who does drug deals on campus, that's just stupid?" He asks rhetorically, before waving one hand through the air, as if trying to erase the current thread of conversation. "That doesn't matter, you're distracting me."

"Well then, get on with it! Some of us have practice we need to get to."

"It's like talking to the kids," he mutters to himself, "Whatever. I wanted to ask - will you go to prom with me?"

That stops Robin up short. There's panic in her eyes now, though Steve isn't sure what exactly put it there. Was his reputation that bad that even band geeks are terrified of getting asked out by him?

"You want to go on a date? With me?" she asks slowly, disbelief coloring her voice, though it doesn't hide her unease.

"No, I want to go to prom with you," he scoffs, "Not go on a date with you."

"That is a date, dingus! The person you go to prom with is literally called your date!"

"Okay, sure, maybe, but I don't actually want to date you," he said, rolling his eyes at her.

Like, okay, he understood his reputation for being... what did she call him last week? A 'huge effing rake'? But that didn't mean that he was trying to date any girl that looked in his direction. A lot of girls looked in his direction. That was too many women, even for him.

Robin relaxes a little at that.

"Then why are you asking me to prom instead of someone you actually want to date?"

"Because!" he says, resisting the urge to flail his hands back at her. "I don't want to date anyone right now. Most people I ask are going to expect all these things from me - they're going to want dinner, and at the very least a kiss at the end of the night if not more, or another date the very next day. Because Steve Harrington is supposed to want those things!" He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair to calm himself. "But right now? I really don't."

"Well then, what does Steve the Hair Harrington actually want?" She had relaxed fully at this point, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

"I want to go to prom with someone I consider a friend, someone who makes me laugh," he says after a moment of silence. "I want to dance badly to really corny pop music and drink just enough spiked punch that I don't remember how much I hate wearing any sort of tie. Then I want to go get milkshakes or go see a really trashy midnight horror flick, just because I'm having so much fun I don't want the night to end."

That small smile has grown into a reluctant grin on Robin's face. It makes her eyes shine and her freckles pop. Steve thought that if he was in a better place, if they had met at a different time, he could have fallen in love with her.

But they had met now instead, in some shitty public school elective course, and she was the closest thing he had to a friend that wasn't a snotty middle schooler.

"That sounds... like a lot of fun, actually," she says, mischief sparking on her face. "Who would've known the hidden depths hidden behind all that hair."

"Hey!" he protests half-heartedly, unable to keep a grin of his own off his face. "So what do you say? Wanna go to prom with me?"

"I guess," she sighs, acting like it was such a trial to go to prom with him. Him! But her next words make up for it. "Since we're friends, and all. However, I still expect you to buy me dinner, though you can keep the kiss goodnight to yourself."

Steve can't help the giddy laugh from spilling out of him. For the first time in weeks, he is actually looking forward to prom.

[rose-riot-johnson]

Hello Tumblr Peeps👋😃 While have thought about writing this for a while, even tough I wasn't 100% sure, if I was gonna make it happen, I decided to finally write about a Demon (in particular) from Demon Slayer (aka, Kimetsu No Yaiba)...

*This fanfic will mention cis (who are assigned female at birth (Afab) who identify as a woman) and trans women🍡 Ofcourse this fanfic will contain atleast 1 long paragraph...

🌕🏀Akaza's Offer🏀🌕(Akaza x Female Reader)

Genres: Undecided (Warning ⚠️: Mentions of Murder, Mentions of Blood and Gore, Mentions of Harassment, and language)

You have been going into the forest every night to pick some berries, even tough people in the village (especially your family) were quite upset that you keep berry picking at night time. One morning when you came back from berry picking, one of the villagers scolded you harshly as the villager yelled, "Don't you ever listen to us, (Female Reader Name)! Why do you even go out at night, just to pick any type of berries that you want to pick?! We keep telling you that there are demons that come out at night that kill people, especially woman and children! Keep that up you're going to end up wishing you never went berry picking at night after any demon gets done with you!". You then replied, "Whatever! I'm not scared of anything! I'm especially not afraid of any demons, that are here at night! Berry picking relaxes me! And the lady I checked I'm (any age that's 18 years old and over) And besides, even if I turn into a demon or a demon does kill me, who would miss me, besides you!".

The villager than shouted, "Aside from me, I'm sure your family would! You should be grateful your parents gave birth to you, young lady!", before the villager went back inside the house to do some chores. You then mumbled under your breath, "Since when did I ask my parents to give birth to me? Has anyone ever asked to be born in the history of humanity? All my family misses me for is for me to repress my true self and for me to not be anything that they don't want me to be!", before you decided to go berry picking, earlier than usual, just to find some peace and quiet from your entire village, in general.

You were so happy that you went berry picking earlier than you usually do. Infact you were wishing inside your head that you would be earlier with berry picking more often. Having some alone time is definitely your kind of way to have some harmony. And with berry picking being your most favorite activity, it adds to your happiness.

When night time came, the full moon was out, and you're still berry picking. You heard noises in the bushes, you looked at the bushes that there was movement in and you were just unphased, as you continued berry picking. Minutes later you went to look at the same bushes that sudden moves were made in, you noticed a demon coming out of the bushes with bright pink hair, with markings on his face (that makes his face look similar as a basketball), neck, chest, torso, stomach, and waist, with yellow eyes with blue sclera and pink eyelashes and unusual pupils, while wearing a what appears to be a short, sleeveless dark purple-pink haori that looks like it was cut off where his waist was with his chest exposed, and a pair of white baggy pants.

"I found a woman this time? Listen, lady! Don't you know that there are demons out there that kill people, mainly woman and children? You shouldn't be out there at night! And I'm a demon, myself!", the demon complained out of concern. You then commented, "First of all, I'm not afraid of the danger that could happen to me! And second, if you're a demon, yourself and demons eat mainly woman and children, howcome you're not attacking me and eating my blood and organs then?". The demon who got annoyed with your comment, then answered, "It's because it's not on my nature to kill woman! I don't eat woman that way! I don't care, if you're a cis woman nor a trans woman, I refuse to harm any woman, no matter what type of woman they are!", before he continued, "My name's Akaza, by the way! And why are you even in the forest at night, especially during full moon, knowing there could be a demon out there? You realize that another demon was out there would have killed you on the spot, in my presence or not, right?", as if he's giving you the warning to leave the forest, while you can and not to come back at night time again.

"So what, if a demon does plan on killing me? It's better than dealing with people in my village! Don't get me wrong, aside from that one villager (caring villager's name), it seems like you're someone who cares despite of you being a demon, it's just that everyone else I had ever knew act like they care or believe they care, when really, everyone else just wants fund every reason to scold me and make me close up with my true self, only acting like they care, even though I get the impression that they don't and I feel like I'm an outcast of my village honestly... As you can tell, I don't have many friends! And besides, berry picking is the only way I can get peace and quiet, plus I won't have to hear complaints non stop!", you responded. Akaza was surprised about your lack of concern with his warnings about demons being the reason to leave, as he acknowledged, "I see... You're a loner most part, I take it?". You replied, "Ofcourse I am... Besides it's better that I go berry picking, regardless if it's the dark or not, than to risk loosing my cool and getting in a fight with someone, because they got on my last nerve and provoke me... I don't need to risk beating the shit out of some jerk for messing with me, by being an asshole to me!", before laughing a few seconds, then you continued, "Anyways, my name's, (Female Reader Name)... It's a pleasure meeting you, Akaza!".

While Akaza was watching you continue to pick berries, he asked about if you had ever gotten into any fights before, which you admitted having a few incidents about beating someone to a bloody pulp for being jerks and bullies, so after the last fight you had, you nearly killed a man, because the man wouldn't stop harassing you and he tried to hit you first. You even told him that even.if the man started it you, still got in trouble for it to the point you got the worse scolding of your life (especially from your family) and the only one who was on your side was (caring villager's name), which was when you decided to make some time to pick berries, considering you love eating berries, it became the only way for you to have any privacy, and you pretty much rather keep out of trouble. After you told him about this part of your life, he felt bad for you and gets why you feel the way you do, he also became impressed with the way you talk about your fighting skills, which gives him an idea that will change your life forever.

"Hey, (Female Reader Name)! Since I'm starting to know why you feel that way about your village and it seems like most of the people in that village likes treating you like they think of you, as trash, considering you're a tough cookie, there's something I would like to offer you!", Akaza mentioned. You then replied, "What's the offer, then? I'm listening...". "You see, demons like myself can turn humans into demons... Yes, demons like me, kill humans like you... The thing is demons can also turn humans into demons, just as well... There's more to becoming demons then just killing another human... Infact demons can fight other demons, too... Especially while they're training... Obviously, you stay a demon for all eternity, so there's no way in hell, you would be able to turn back into a human and you would very likely have to avoid sunlight, as a demon... You'll be able to get stronger, gain abilities, especially your own demon art, choose anyone to kill, eat, or even turn into another demon... I will even introduce you to Muzan, if you accept my offer to let me turn you into a demon... I usually would have to kill those who refuse my offer, but in your case I will spare your life regardless, if you take my offer or not... Also as much as I would hate to have human friends, maybe we could become friends forever... Not just because you're a woman! It's also, because it seems like there's something we could bond over, if I'm being honest... So, would you like become a demon?", he offered.

You thought about it for a couple minutes before you answered, "Well, Akaza... While it would suck I wouldn't be able to go berry picking, as much when I no longer will be a human anymore, it sure does sound like, I'm going to get treated much better by demon, if I turned into a demon, than I had ever been treated my whole damn life... I'm done with this shitty village! I accept your offer, Akaza! Turn me into a demon, before I change my mind when the sun goes up! I really can't stand my village!". Akaza then, gladly, took you to the Infinity Castle, which, if Akaza was being honest, he was excited about what Muzan would say, but he's also a little secretary frightened for what might happen you, if Muzan doesn't approve. Once the both of you went inside the Infinity Castle, Akaza letted you know to let him do the talking with Muzan.

"Hey Muzan! This woman is quite a fighter just like me! She has beaten people to a bloody pulp and hates most of the people in her village! I will even let you see for yourself what she's capable of!", Akaza explained. "So, this must be the human that you were telling me about...", Muzan responded by looking at you, before he continued, "You must be the lady who nearly killed the man who wouldn't leave you be! I've been watching you more, than Akaza actually believes that I have... I want to see you rise above your true potential! You see, I was the one who sent Akaza to the forest, even though I never told him the reason... So I approve of you being a demon, so I will turn you into another Upper Moon now, (Female Reader Name)...", which surprised Akaza that Muzan watched how your life was and Muzan even confessed the real reason why he sent Akaza to the forest. "So that's what the number on his eyes are for... I will take any ranking, you give me... I'm just glad my life with this shitty village is over...", you responded.

After that night you turned into a demon, especially as Upper Moon (reader picks 4 or 5 or 6), your life has gotten better. Sure, the Demon Slayer corps, including the Hashiras, would try to hunt you down and on occasion a random civilian would be willing to try to decapitate you, however you felt like this is how you wanted to live your life, since you have been more respected, as a demon, than you ever were while you were a human. Even all the other demons who are in the Twelve Kizuki, would even admire your power and your strength, right with your Blood Demon Art, which is why no one fucks with you, while you use it. Although, Akaza does secretly find it hot, when you use your Blood Demon Art for some reason.

While you are okay with working with the other demons of the Twelve Kizuki, you prefer working with, Akaza (who's now your boyfriend), because you really admire on how he fights his opponents and you are grateful that aside from Muzan, Akaza has gotten you out of this toxic village you used to live in, during your life, as a human. Your life, as a demon (in general), is the happiest you had ever been, which both Muzan and (your now boyfriend) Akaza made it possible to get you out of the human life you had dreaded. You somehow, knew accepting Akaza 's offer to become a demon was going to be the best decision you had ever made.

🏀The🌕End🏀

I hope you have fun reading this fanfic about Akaza, Tumblr Peeps🌕🏀This is my first time writing a fanfic about any demon who's from Demon Slayer, aka, Kimetsu No Yaiba... In all honesty, I have this mindset where, if I was to ever write a demon from that particular anime, I would have written about him first, before any of the other demons and I was set on that, which is a big part of why I have written about him the first Demon Slayer (aka, Kimetsu No Yaiba) Demon I had ever written about... I also had felt motivated to finally write an idea out for an "Akaza x Female Reader" fanfic I just wasn't sure when when I first thought of this part of my mindset🤷‍♀️While I'm not big on what he did to Rengoku for anyone who's upset about me writing this fanfic about Akaza, I still prefer him over the other demons in that anime for my own reasons🤔So I like both Rengoku and Akaza... With putting "undecided" with this fanfic, it's my first time of doing that, because I don't know what to choose for a specific genre and I feel there were times I picked out (or may have picked out) incorrect genres for atleast a few fanfics or some fanfics that I have written, so I'm starting to have a fear with picking out the wrong genre and when it comes to the genre parts of any fanfic I write and pick out a genre I thought would fit, but turned out it it didn't fit well, "false advertisement" with the genres was never my intention and I have chosen any wrong genres by mistake trying to pick out a genre🤷‍♀️Yes, I make mistakes, including with picking out genres and I'm trying to avoid any more accidents with picking out incorrect genres... So, if any1 sees me put "Undecided" in the genres, it's because I rather not have people think I did intentionally "false advertise" with the genres, when it was a complete accident with choosing the incorrect genres... I also am trying to be creative with this fanfic about him and trying to get creative in a much better fashion, than with most of the fanfics that I have written about this year (2025), while having with with writing this particular fanfic, as well⭐

[peach-and-bugs]

hii, jackie anon again back with another rq ^^ could you do dialogue 18 w/ jackie taylor if it's not too much trouble?

🐇Unadulterated Loathing - Jackie Taylor (1996) x fem!Reader🐇

Fanfiction master list

disclaimer: don't repost my work. I only post on Tumblr and on Ao3. anything else is stolen and should be removed immediately

Summary: You could never understand why everyone in your school seemed to hold sweet Jackie Taylor up on some gold-plated pedestal. After all, she was just like every other pretty, popular, well-off teen girl, right? And highly doubt you're opinion of her will change after you're stuck working on your big Ap bio final with her...

Warnings: angst, but a happy ending, mildly suggestive yet tame humor

Word Count: 3,875

A/N: wow, this was way longer than I planned for it to be. Quick note: So I'm headcanons that Wiskayok High School/school district is kind of like how my school district works, where there is more than one elementary school, but the kids all come together and go to the same middle school. so y/n and Jackie didn't know one another till middle school. As always, feel free to leave questions or comments in my comments or ask box, and happy reading! 🐇

Jackie Taylor Tag List:

Yellowjackets Tag List: @frasersgf @minimickzy @damagnificentcookie

General Tag List: @summergeezburr

-🐇-

Ap Bio had become both your favorite and least favorite class in you’re schedule. On the one hand, You’d always had a fondness for science, but there was just something special about biology. It clicked in a way that no other subject did for you. You also loved your teacher to the point of often staying behind during lunch to continue talking about whatever you’re class topic had been. But now, the problem of your lab partner has arisen. Jackie Taylor, Wiskayok High School’s sweetheart, has been assigned as your new lab partner for the last quarter of the year. You were stuck with the queen bee for the entire final quarter working with her on your big bio final, and you were ready to slam you’re head into a wall.

Jackie had never done anything to you. You had no idea if she knew you existed till now. But you couldn’t help not liking her. There was just something about that shiny smile and the way the curls in her hair always laid perfectly over her shoulders that got under your skin. But she hadn’t done anything to make you not like her, and that alone just made you more irritated with her. 

She didn’t start a conversation right away when she sat next to you after you’re new assignment together. Your group was assigned to look into the effect of different types of hormones on gene expression, which wouldn’t be too difficult, and if you’d like, you could probably do all the work on your own. That would be good in case Jackie turned out to be one of those girls who expected you, the class nerd, to do the project anyways. You’d had that happen a few times now in group projects, so what’s one more time, right? 

You were listening to your teacher go over the guidelines for the assignment and show you examples from the past few years. You periodically scribbled down notes for future reference. After a bit of time, you began watching the clock, leaning your cheeks against your palm with an unintentionally pointing lip as you waited for the bell to ring. You wanted to leave class today, unlike most days. Maybe you’d hide in the library with your lunch and read up on your topic to get a headstart on the project. You decided it was better to assume you’d be doing it all on your own from the jump than to be blindsided, right? 

But as you waited for the bell, watching the hands of the clock tick away, your gaze began to wander. First, you watched the jock at the table next to the door, trying not to fall asleep. Then you moved on to the girl behind him reading a romance novel behind her textbook till you faltered again to Jackie sitting at your right. She was scribbling away in her notebook, honey-blonde hair obstructing any meaningful view of her face. The lined paper of her notebook had notes written in curly, clean handwriting, yet the margins were littered with doodles of flowers and bunnies. She was currently scribbling away at one of her doodles, having grown tired of notes the same as you. 

She only caught sight of your staring when the bell rang. Startled out of your haze by the clanging sound you'd waited for, you blinked, swallowing hard when you’re suddenly met with her bright hazel eyes as she brushed that hair that had been in her face out of the way and behind her ear. You felt your eyes widen as you sat frozen, but only for a second before you frantically started packing away your things into your backpack like the rest of your classmates. You could feel her stare, but she said nothing. That is, till she shook out of her daze. 

“Uh, hey-” she started as you began to leave. You’d hustled to the door but stopped at the sound of her voice, leaving you standing awkwardly by the door, hands clutching the strap of your backpack tight. “Do you wanna plan to meet up and work on the project?” she asked as she packed her notebook away into her bog, periodically looking up and back at you as she undid the zipper. You were surprised by the offer, and it delayed your response. 

“Um. Yeah, I guess we can,” you mumbled, feeling fidgety under the attention. She gave you that sparkly smile that she gave everyone when she looked back up at you, bag hung over her shoulder. 

“Great! You free this afternoon?” you were surprised she seemed so eager to get working. You awkwardly nodded and felt your heart begin beating faster as she walked towards you. 

“Don’t you have soccer practice, though?” you said quickly, shuffling ever so slightly away from her. She now stood right across from you by the door. Having her attention like this was strange, and you could only describe it as anxiety-inducing. 

“Shit, you’re right. I completely forgot about that,” she laughed, and you felt your stomach drop. “Well, we could always make Saturday work as long as-” she began babbling on about something you didn’t feel like you needed to know about to the point that you began feeling nauseated. 

“Hey, can we plan this tomorrow, maybe? I’ve gotta go,” you interrupted, lying through your teeth with your skin itching to get away. Jackie stopped what she was saying, and for a fleeting second, it looked like her smile had faded. 

“Oh, yeah. We’ll talk tomorrow then,” you'd already begun leaving before she could finish calling goodbye, which you knew was rude, but all you could think was how you had to get away. Which was even stranger considering she had been acting so nice! Jackie had never been nice to you. Well, Jackie had never been anything to you before. Why was her being nice so startling? You wracked your brain over it all as you hustled into the library to hide among the bookshelves. 

You could finally take a real breath when you found a secluded table tucked away in the corner of the library, nestled in with all of the books but by a window, which let a nice stream of light bask down onto the table. You arranged your things, found a few books on your project topic, and got to work, reading and periodically scribbling down notes as you ate the lunch you’d packed that morning. You’d stay there through lunch and into your free study hall period. Getting your study hall directly after lunch had to have been some kind of godsent. 

You’d gotten into a real groove or taking your notes. By now, you had to have nearly three pages, front and back, filled with different tidbits you could mention in your project. You’d lost track of time and your surroundings as you listened to your walkman while working. You were only shaken out of your little bubble when you heard a strong, purposeful throat-clearing beside you. You looked up to see Jackie standing over you with a few books in hand. You stared wide-eyed, forgetting about your headphones. That is, till the blonde scrunched her brow and gestured for you to take them off. You did, muttering your apology as the headphones hung around your neck. 

“I see you got started,” she chuckled again. You felt yourself grow embarrassed, like you’d been caught with your hand in the cookie jar after saying you’d had enough sweets for the day. Your eyes faltered away, down to your notes, as the grip on your pencil tightened. 

“Uh, yeah. I have a free period, so I thought I might as well,” you mumbled, fidgeting with the corner of your paper, folding it into itself. 

“Oh! Me too” She paused, looking around as though someone might see despite the table being tucked out of most people's way. “Well, mind if I sit? You could share what you’ve started, and we could make a gameplan,” She suggested. Given your current situation and the way you’d practically run from her earlier, you had no reason to decline, so you nodded, moving some of your things out of the way. She sat down at the other side of the table, but not directly across from you, more so diagonal. Maybe she could feel your apprehension about working for you. It wasn’t like you were trying to hide how you felt, but thinking she might know didn’t help the nauseating feeling in your gut. 

Calling the following interaction awkward would be an understatement. You had zero desire to integrate with Jackie outside of class, and she couldn’t seem to get the hint. Or maybe she did and was just choosing to ignore what you thought was your evident desire to be left alone. She started reading the books she’d picked up and writing her notes like you had been doing. But every time she read something that seemed noteworthy, she’d double check if you’d read and written that down already. It got to the point that you eventually just gave her your notebook to write in so she could read what you'd written down already and stop interrupting your reading.  

She seemed disappointed by this, but she didn’t voice it or argue. Unsteady, you spent the rest of the hour sitting at the same table, silently reading over textbooks. She didn’t attempt conversation till the bell rang, and you both had to pack up and go to class again. She started by offering you your notebook back, but she pointed out something she’s specifically written down when she handed it to you. 

“It’s my address. How about we meet up tomorrow at noon? My dad will be out golfing, and my mom’s got book club, so we’ll have quiet to work on the project. If that works for you, of course,” she seemed rather eager at the idea as she patiently waited for your reply. You paused for a moment, staring at her annoyingly near handwriting and her address till you relented. 

“Yeah, sure. Noon tomorrow” you agreed with a nod. She seemed to smile slightly more and nodded quickly. 

“Noon tomorrow,” she repeated, taking a step back as she moved to leave. “I’m already looking forward to it,” You watched her go with her little wave and had to refrain from rolling your eyes. You had a bad, nauseating feeling about tomorrow already. 

-🐇-

All you could do was stand outside the Taylor’s house, staring up at the two-story with wide eyes, regretting ever letting yourself get into this situation. Something felt so wrong about you walking towards the house, so much so that you contemplated turning tail and leaving. That is till Jackie opened the door, beckoning you inside. It was too late to back out now, so you begrudgingly made your way up the lawn. 

“I’m glad you made it,” she began as you walked into the house, you noticed her lack of shoes, so you took yours off, leaving them behind by the door. “Oh, thank you for that! I completely forgot to mention it, and my mother would kill me,” she joked. You forced a smile and hummed but gave her no reaction beyond that. She paused and took a breath, murmuring a quiet ‘right’ before taking you upstairs. 

“I thought we’d work in my room unless you'd rather go in the living room since no one's home,” You shrugged, eyes glancing around the house as you followed her. 

“Doesn’t matter to me,” you dryly said as she sat down on her bed, pulling out her schoolwork as she sat with her legs crossed against the pillows. You hesitated, standing in the middle of your room with your bag in hand. 

“You can come and sit over here if you like,” she chuckled, patting the space in front of her on the bed. After a pause, you did as instructed, sitting at the foot of the bed with your bag beside you. You began to rummage around, pulling out your notebook, pencils, and textbook. 

“I can get you something to drink or a snack if you like,” she offered. She was fidgeting with her pencil and notebook open over her lap, but she hadn’t started writing anything yet. 

“I’m alright,” you began flipping through your notes, not looking up. 

“Ok, well. Do you have any thoughts on how you wanna do this or…”

“I thought I’d write the paper, and you do the visuals,” You replied as though this was the most obvious course of action. Jackie stared at you for a moment till she nodded. 

“Yeah,” her voice cracked as she tucked hair behind her ear, looking around the room. “Yeah, tha works for me,” looking up from your notebook, you noticed the way she bit the inside of her cheek. 

“Y’know what? I’m gonna get something to snack on anyways,” she said it more like she was telling herself than she was you. You watched her leave like she was in a rush, leaving you alone in her room. Immediately you felt uncomfortable with the situation, so you pulled out your Walkman and began listening to that while you scribbled away in your notes, getting yourself started on the final paper. 

Jackie didn’t return for some time, but when she did, she was carrying a big bowl of popcorn with her that she set on the bed after sitting down again. She watched you expectantly but didn’t say a word till you took your headphones off. 

“You want some?” she gestured to the bowl. You shook your head. 

“No, I’m fine,” you turned your attention back to the paper. “But thanks,” you remembered to add at the end. The next hour was relatively quiet as you both worked. You’d made a decent dent in the paper, and Jackie had started sketching a mock-up of the visual display. She’d handed you her notes to get your opinion, and you simply nodded, telling her it was good and to go ahead. In all honesty, after that, you saw little point in working together anymore. You could easily write the paper at home while she worked on the presentation, right? 

“Hey, I think I’m gonna get going,” you started. She looked up, confused. 

“But we only just got started,” she began to argue. You felt yourself grow uncomfortable with her seeming eagerness for you to stay. 

“Well, I can work on this at home. We don’t need to be together after all,” 

“But isn’t it good to work together? Like, to have a soundboard or whatever?” She stood up suddenly and began rummaging for something around the room. Growing alarm clawed at your throat, and you turned around in your seat on the bed to keep your eye on her. “It’s a group project, after all!” She was growing more impatient, and you couldn’t distinguish why. 

“Yeah, but it's not a huge deal-” she turned around to face you again, her hair aggressively swishing as she faced you with a distressed look.

“You really can’t stand me that much?” she yelped, genuinely sounding hurt. You froze, paralyzed with no idea what to do. You’d never imagine that Jackie, of all people, would care about what you thought of her. You didn’t think Jackie cared about anyone’s opinion, let alone you! 

“I never said I didn’t like you-” 

“Well, it’s obvious you don’t!” she interrupted. She looked like she might be on the verge of tears as she began pacing the room. You started to panic.

“No, it isn’t!” you knew it was a terrible retort, but what else could you say? So you got onto the defensive. “But why would you even care if I didn’t like you? I’m nobody!” your voice faltered, and you cringed with embarrassment. You had no idea what was going on or how you even got into this situation. Jackie was nearly and tears, and you found you were too, and you thought you might throw up on the spot from the grinding, nauseating feeling twisting your gut. Jackie sniffled, wiping her nose. But at least she’d stopped pacing and now stood facing you. The sound and motion drew your attention back in.

“You’re not nobody,” her voice was almost pitiful. She sheepishly met your eyes, biting her lip. She was considering something, but you couldn’t tell what. You felt afraid under her gaze. 

“Yes, I am,” was all you could say back. You picked at the skin of your thumbs, hoping the motion could calm your racing heart. “I doubt you even knew my name before we had this class together,” 

“Well, I did, actually,” there was a heavy pout in her voice. She caved and walked back to the bed, sitting in the space you'd previously occupied but scooted from when she’d stood up. She was almost unbearably close. “I’ve known about you since seventh grade,” only when she said that did you look up at her. Her gaze was soft yet almost timid. It seemed unnatural for her, given her constant air of confidence.

“You got that writing award at that assembly we had with the whole school at the beginning of the year. Most people who were getting awards were eighth graders,” she seemed to recall it fondly. “But I remember how you walked across that stage with that huge smile to take that award from the principal. You didn’t look nervous or afraid. Just happy to be getting that award,” you were stunned she even remembered that day. You barely even remembered it yourself, now that you thought about it. 

“But so what? What about that makes me liking you matter so much?” 

“I dunno, maybe because of your nice or something?” She was getting upset again. Her face was red with frustration, and she kept dramatically sighing and scoffing. And you weren’t sure what caused it, and you knew it wasn’t the right thing to do, but you laughed. It started as a chuckle, but then it turned into full blow, hysterically tear-inducing laughter. You knew it was wrong, and you expected her to slap you in the face, but she didn’t. 

After her initial shock, you heard a snicker, and then she, too, laughed. And as you heard her laugh ring you, you realized it was like a song that you wanted to be stuck in your head. And unlike what you may have anticipated, it didn’t scare you anymore. You managed to quiet and subside your fit of giggles, thumbing away tears that brimmed your eyes from the pressure, a smile still waving over your lips. Jackie appeared the same, but she looked away again, that shy blush water-coloring her cheeks as she smiled. 

“I just really want you to like me, but I can’t explain why,” she managed to say finally, looking back up at you. She’d gotten closer again when you were distracted. You could almost feel her breath fanning over your face as she bit her lip in silent consideration. 

“I do like you,” you managed to say, eyes unconsciously wandering down to her lips, then flashing back to her eyes out of fear of being caught. But though you expected scorn, you were met with excitement in her eyes, followed by a tilt of her head, and then all at once, her eyes shut, and her lips were on yours, tentative and curious. Anxiety told you to pull away, but frozen in surprise, you found you couldn’t. Instead, you sat, eyes wide as you practically vibrated in anticipation, though you dared not move. It was the same kind of excitement and anxiety you’d feel trying to get close to a wild rabbit. The slightest wrong move, and it would surely run. 

But Jackie didn’t run. She did pull away, but she didn’t stray. She watched with a squeezing apprehension on her face, expecting to have a mess to clean up on her hands. You were left completely speechless, terrified she’d regret her actions immediately and make you leave, and she’d never speak to you again. But again, Jackie didn’t run, and she didn’t make you either. 

“Say something,” she tried to state, but it came out more like a plead. You scanned her face and did the only thing you could think of in your hazy state. You took her hand, which sat behind you, holding her up as she leaned into you and took her lips as you squeezed your eyes shut. As you kissed her, you felt her smile, with the sound of a muffled chuckle. 

Her fingers from her free hand eventually grazed over your cheek, tucking hair behind your ear before wrapping wound the small of your neck to toy with the baby hairs that grew there. When you pulled away, she adjusted so she was practically in your lap with how close she was. Her arms looped lazily over your shoulders and around your neck as she played with your hair, looking you over dreamily. 

“My mother would end me if she found out about this,” she giggled, clearly enjoying her little silent rebellion. 

“You like girls?” was the only thing you could think, and of course, that’s what your big mouth had to blurt out. You immediately cringed, squeezing your eyes shut and resisting the urge to slap yourself in the face. But fortunately, she laughed that lovely laugh you’d begun to grow fond of. 

“It seems like I do,” she attempted to sound coy in her reply. “And it sounds like you look like girls, too,” she added. You looked at her again and relaxed with a smile, rolling your eyes. 

“I thought that had been obvious since freshman year,” Jackie shook her head. 

“I mean, not to me,” 

“Oh, so you didn’t pick the gay girl to try out kissing girls?” You'd grown confident out of nowhere and smirked. Jackie’s cheeks flushed again, and her jaw dropped in mock shock as she tried suppressing a laugh in her throat. In a moment of mock irritation, she shoved your shoulders, gently knocking you onto your back, meeting the duvet cover of her bed in a fit of amused giggles. Without a fleeting consideration, she sat on top of you, her thighs on either side of your hips as her hands pressed against your chest. You couldn’t stop yourself from grinning as you looked up at her. Her brows raised, eyes wide as she realized the position she’d put herself in, that pink blush in her face turning bright red.

“Well, look who’s miss confidence now, huh?” you couldn’t resist the tease. Your restraint had gone out the window with this new understanding of your feelings. Your irritation and avoidance of Jackie Taylor had only been a poorly placed front for your real feelings. You’d been smitten with her for years now but refused to look at it in the right lighting. She scrunched her nose and tried to frown, but the corners of her lips kept flickering upwards in amusement as you grinned, which only egged her on more. So she did the only thing she could think. She leaned in again, wiping that smirk away with her lips. 

[iffeelscouldkill]

Lost in a Familiar Place pt. 7 (of 7!)

(Aka the ‘Nicholas never applied to Kings Row’ AU)

In which Harvard finds Aiden, Nicholas gets a visitor, and things are set in motion.

Previous chapters: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

A/N: I know I've traditionally serialised this fic on Tumblr first and then posted it later to AO3, but this chapter will be different. This is because this chapter is a bit (a bit) spicier than normal and I don't trust Tumblr at all, given that I'm pretty sure the reason part 4 wasn't visible in the Fence tag is that I used a word that rhymes with "corny" (and starts with an H) in the tags.

So, I'm posting the first part on Tumblr, and then the rest can be read on AO3. It's also longer than normal chapters (almost 3x as long!), so I think the reading experience will be a bit better on AO3 anyway. It's already up on AO3, so you can also go straight there if you prefer!

Harvard tore across the darkened Kings Row campus – and then stopped abruptly. He suddenly had a feeling that Aiden wouldn’t be waiting for him back at their dorm room. It wasn’t really Aiden’s style to sit around twiddling his thumbs; it also wasn’t like Aiden to make things easy for him.

So, Harvard would need to find him.

Harvard thought about the places in the school that they liked to go together. After more than three years at Kings Row, there were quite a few, although (he thought with a guilty pang) he wasn’t sure when they’d last frequented one of their old hideouts.

He considered, and dismissed, the fencing clubhouse – they’d had a lot of fun times there, but only as part of a bigger group. There were some good trees on the grounds that he and Aiden had challenged each other to climb, but that didn’t really seem practical. But wait– climbing–

It sparked a sudden memory, of being fifteen and gangly and laughing as he followed Aiden up a narrow, rusting fire escape bolted to the corner of the Music and Drama building. The building itself had a sloping roof that didn’t look climbable, but if you were intrepid enough to try, you could scramble up the fire escape and then wriggle onto a nearby ledge, and from there you suddenly found yourself in reach of a flat rooftop area that was almost completely concealed from the ground.

Harvard knew it was where Aiden would be.

He had more co-ordination now than he had done at fifteen, but also more bulk, and the fire escape creaked ominously as he hauled himself up. Harvard held as much tension as he could in his core and moved as smoothly and quietly as possible. If not for the fact that he wanted to keep this spot a secret, he’d assign it to new team members as a fitness challenge. Up to the top, and he saw the ledge now – wow, it was further away than he remembered. How had they done this?

He stretched, grasped the ledge, flailed and kicked a bit against the wall and then he was up, with only slightly scraped palms to show for it. He edged along it, crouching slightly to keep his centre of gravity low, and also to hide the movement from the ground. Helpfully, no-one was stirring on the campus at this hour. Harvard carefully straightened up as he came into sight of the flat rooftop – and the figure sitting at the far edge, shoulders slightly hunched, facing away from him.

Harvard would have liked to climb gracefully up onto the rooftop, maybe attracting Aiden’s attention with a slight sound, or maybe he’d wait until he was standing there and then say, “Aiden–” urgently, and then Aiden would turn and see him–

Instead, he scuffed his knee as he scrambled up onto the rooftop and flopped inelegantly onto the surface with a little “oof” noise. When he managed to get up, Aiden was staring at him like he hadn’t expected Harvard to actually be there.

“That was a lot easier when we were fifteen,” Harvard said dryly, dusting his hands off. Aiden gave a tiny grin, climbing to his feet.

“Speak for yourself,” he said, and then the smile faded. “So…”

“I figured it out,” Harvard blurted out, quickly, before he could overthink it. “About what you meant when you said – I mean, I figured out-”

Crap, he was already overthinking it. Harvard started again. “When you told me you joined the team because of me – that you started to love fencing because I love it – I was really surprised, because I didn’t think that you felt that way too. Us fencing together means a lot to me, Aiden. It always has done.”

“Just fencing?” Aiden asked, his tone brittle. Harvard shook his head quickly.

“Let me finish. Look, I was – mad at you, because it felt like you’d stopped caring about something that was really important to both of us, or at least, you didn’t care enough to really show up for it. You’d pulled away, and I didn’t get why. Then I realised that it’s something you do when you actually do care about something, but you want to protect yourself.”

He took a step towards Aiden on the rooftop. Aiden looked a bit panicked, like he was considering fleeing from Harvard and this conversation, and Harvard knew he had to get to the good part quickly, before Aiden pulled away again.

“Do you remember when we fenced against each other during the team try-outs?” he said. “And I said… uh… We were joking around, and I said, ‘I miss this you?’”

Aiden nodded, a blush creeping down his neck. Not many people knew that Aiden blushed that way when he was caught off-guard (Harvard wasn’t completely sure that Aiden knew it). He felt like his own face was aflame, although mercifully it was too dark for it to be visible.

“I thought I’d misheard you,” Aiden admitted.

“You didn’t mishear,” Harvard told him. “I guess I was – starting to realise something, subconsciously, that I’ve felt for a long time. It shouldn’t have taken me this long to put the pieces together.” He gave a lopsided, self-deprecating smile.

“I��� I was thinking about how you are when we fence together – it’s like I get to see a side of you that no-one else gets to see. I’ve always seen that side of you, but I thought it was just because we were best friends, and now I’m realising maybe it’s… something else. Or maybe it is because of that, but I want it to be something more.” Harvard was babbling a little bit, but fortunately, it didn’t matter, because Aiden was looking at him like he was saying amazing.

“Aiden, I really like you,” he said, and then laughed a little at himself. Why had he taken such a long time to say something so simple? “Uh. Yeah.”

Aiden gave a shaky laugh, and took a half-step towards Harvard. “Just to be clear,” he said, slowly. “You mean that in a more-than-friends way. Right?”

“Yes. Definitely,” Harvard said. Even though it had only been ten minutes since his revelation, it felt like he’d known this whole time. The feelings had crept up on him so gradually that he hadn’t realised what they were until Aiden had all but laid things out for him.

But Aiden had been self-aware enough to know what he was feeling. And that, Harvard was sure, was what had freaked him out. “I really, really do.”

Aiden’s breath whooshed out of him all at once. “Oh, thank god,” he said. With two steps, he’d closed the remaining distance between them.

“Do you-” Harvard began, but that was as far as he got before Aiden kissed him.

(Okay, Harvard had been pretty sure, but it was nice to have confirmation).

Harvard breathed in through his nose, inhaling soap and the cocktail of hair products Aiden used daily (it probably said a lot that the scent had become something like ‘home’ for him), and tilted his head to press more firmly into the kiss.

He’d never kissed a guy before, but the basic principles were all the same: reaching out to tuck golden strands behind Aiden’s ear, cupping the side of his face with one hand, exploring the shape of his mouth. Aiden made these little humming noises of pleasure that Harvard didn’t think his best friend was consciously aware of.

Harvard had been expecting Aiden to have – moves, maybe, born of his much more extensive experience, but he seemed content to let Harvard take the lead. Not that he was tentative about it – no, Aiden kissed like he knew he was a fantastic kisser, and well, he was. But Harvard felt as though Aiden was holding something back, enough that he broke the kiss to say, “Are you okay doing this out here? We can move inside if you want–”

Aiden smirked at him. “I’m not shy about this sort of thing, in case you didn’t know. Besides, we’re really well-hidden up here.”

“Okay,” Harvard said, reassured. “You just seem like you’re… waiting for something.”

Aiden looked away, flushing down his neck again. “No, I just thought– well, I wanted to see what you liked, first. And I figured you’d want to take it slow.”

A smile spread across Harvard’s face, first because the consideration was sweet. But secondly, because he felt like Aiden had, for once, mischaracterised him a little. Oh, Harvard would never rush anyone into anything, and he tried to be a receptive and respectful partner. But his past romantic partners had all liked it when he showed enthusiasm, and Harvard had always been happy to oblige.

“I think we’ve been taking it slow for a while now,” he replied. “So, as long as you’re on board with moving ahead…” Harvard fitted his hand again to the side of Aiden’s face, running a thumb along that sharp cheekbone, but he waited until Aiden had given a nod before leaning in to kiss him again.

Harvard had one move, but it was a pretty good one, so he used it now, moving a hand down to the small of Aiden’s back and applying pressure. Aiden raised his eyebrows at Harvard but allowed himself to be dipped backwards and then lowered down onto the rooftop (which was smooth tarmac and not uncomfortable, though there were a few leaves on it at this time of year). Harvard braced himself on his hands and leaned over Aiden. “How’s this?”

For a few incredible seconds, Aiden seemed lost for words, running his tongue over his bottom lip and staring up at Harvard. Then he came back to himself. “No complaints at all,” he said, one side of his mouth quirking up. “Let me just–”

Aiden was wearing a light jacket, and he reached up to his throat and unzipped it, letting the material puddle around him. With one hand, he balled it up and then tucked it behind his head. “That’s comfier,” he said, smirking up at Harvard. He was wearing a thin white shirt underneath, which in typical fashion was unbuttoned so that a deep V of pale skin was visible. It was Harvard’s turn to stare. Aiden’s blond hair was messy, wisps escaping from his ponytail and curling around his ears. Shadows played about his face, sharpening his smirk and giving his green eyes an almost otherworldly intensity. He looked like a siren who lured men to their doom on a rocky island. Harvard was a goner; always had been a goner.

Aiden arched his head back ever so slightly under Harvard’s gaze. “Like what you see?”

Harvard shook himself. “You know I do,” he said, his voice sounding uncharacteristically rough, and Aiden’s eyes widened and then darkened. “But–” practicality was winning out, still– “won’t you be cold?”

Aiden visibly rolled his eyes. “That’s the last thing I’ll be. Now get down here-” He fisted his hands in Harvard’s shirt to pull him down, and when that didn’t happen fast enough, used his legs to hook around Harvard’s waist.

“Okay, okay, hnghhh– Jesus. Okay-”

Continue reading on AO3

[roundearthsociety]

This is going to be a tad personal but how do you manage to be trans and catholic? Some of the biggest anti trans voices like Matt Walsh, Michael Knowles and Desantis base their views off that religion. Many trans people on here, Reddit and IRL have nothing but disdain for Catholicism because of the Vatican’s statements and how they’ve been treated. Likewise, a lot of Catholics I’ve seen on tumblr, Reddit and various forums view it as a sin, mental illness or pedophilia and oppose affirming care as well as IVF.

I’m an American exvangelical, who does have some conservative Catholic family members, and I’m trying to broaden my perspective a bit rather than writing Catholicism off as an irredeemable, hateful colonizer ideology and viewing paganism and Reform Judaism as the only valid religions like most Tumblr users do. How do you put up with it when many refuse to affirm it, including the pope who’s still very conservative? I’m not asking to attack your beliefs but are simply curious whether there’s more nuance than people will claim.

This is something that's a bit hard to answer, as someone who's not that good a theologian nor that good at theory. Plus, I'm not side A, so I wouldn't be all that good at discussing Catholicism While Queer with you I suspect. Anyway I will be assuming you, the reader, have got some level of legitimate Christian faith. Because otherwise I'm not sure how to like. Give you that.

So let me preface all of this by recommending you look into queer Catholic organizations such as New Ways Ministry, or especially DignityUSA which I've heard good things about. There are also some Tumblr bloggers on the more affirming side of things, most of them aren't really doing all that much advocacy work either but you might find it interesting to scroll through, idk, and-her-saints or shoutsofmybones's blogs for example, and take a look.

Also: you don't have to give up on Christianity entirely if you can't / would rather not be Catholic! Even if the specific ritual and community aspect is especially important to you, the Episcopal Church is probably decently well implanted where you live and is worth looking into, especially since it doesn't have the embedded political elements that the US Catholic Church tends to have.

As for my own personal answer below - please don't bother to get mad at me for this, it's like 4AM and I'm not too interested in writing a thesis here.

Gender-wise it's honestly pretty straightforward. I know I function better being generally recognized as another sex than I was assigned at birth, with characteristics to match; everything else in terms of gender roles names etc is really just getting a lil silly with it ngl. This is neither especially uncommon nor especially new, and the generally recognized way to deal with this has long been to just let people do their thing. While there are issues with the way that's being done (hey! you should freeze your gametes if that's available to you! don't count on never wanting kids, especially if you're a teenager! trust me on this one.), a lot of the modern discourse around it boils down to "this is disgusting to me so it must be morally wrong". And like, I'm a biologist, I can't really find it in myself to be grossed out by this stuff anymore.

Anyway the Church is far from a monolith. Even at the institutional level there's plenty of tolerance; my home diocese is based in a large and ancient Mediterranean city so God knows it's had ages to get used to the weird shit, not counting the handful of trad strongholds. My understanding of the situation in the US is that it's Kind Of Really Not That though, so I'd strongly recommend heavily looking into your local Catholic diocese and parishes before making any moves, because Catholic faith and practice are a very community-bound thing and it's not really something you can do at a distance. Thankfully though, once you start avoiding the political activists trying to use faith as a means to an end (as is the case for most of the people you cite in your ask), you'll find that it's relatively more chill than you'd think. Let me elaborate.

My own case is complicated enough that I can't reasonably apply any of the details to this, but ultimately what's important to note here is that Christianity is functionally about how everyone is flawed, and everyone fucks up, and sure you'll be forgiven but you've got to own up to it first. The members of the Church, even the Pope, even (most of) the Saints in their earthly lives, are no exception. They can be misguided, fearful, or just plain hateful; in such circumstances, it's on them to do better, not on you to adapt to their flaws, and they know this if they're honest to themselves. This, in turn, must apply just as much to you and me; as a Christian, you (generic) have everything you need to do better, and to know anything that prevents you from loving other people is probably not the way to go.

But anyway yeah. I'm trans and Catholic because both of those are just kinda who I am, and I don't intend to stop being either because I'm not interested in replacing myself with the cop in my head. So the Church can have fun with that.

[dbh-bb]

Q&A

The mod team have been getting a lot of question, and we thought we'd use this opportunity to share the answers, and allay some fears. Whatever you're concerned about, you are not alone!

1. What if (as an artist) our story idea is terrible and nobody wants it?

A. The mods have a collection of ways to ensure everybody gets a good match. Unless your idea is (a) actually offensive, (b) a bad faith take for a public event (say, a meme done poorly, a crack prompt that's too specific, or a private joke taken too far), or (c) something so extremely detailed and specific that you should consider commissioning rather than participating in a public event, at least one person is going to be interested in creating for you.

Even for ideas that aren't popular / main pairings / concepts, even for ideas that are a bit off the wall -- there are always going to be creators who like a bit of a challenge. Who look at things and go, HUH. NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT ONE. and proceed to YOINK it up.

2. If I have an idea that I've written in part and shared in other discord servers, or have published incomplete somewhere, and find an artwork that fits with that, can I use that pre-existing idea to write for that artwork?

A. We have a rule about anonymity in order to make it as fair as possible when we open claims, so for the writers, it's less important that their ideas be brand new. However, in the spirit of the Bang, we do consider it important that the artist you're working with feels they are getting a fresh piece of work from you, and you do need to produce 10,000 words of new, previously unshared fic. If that happens to fit in with an idea you've already been writing, that's fine, so long as your artist is happy with that.

3. Is it okay if I sign up and then have to drop if, for example, none of the prompts interest me, or as an artist I realise I can't commit the time?

A. We would ask that people signing up do so with full intent to commit and not abandon their entry, whether they are entering as an artist or a writer. We do understand that commitments can be made and then circumstances prevent someone coming through as they intended, but if you're aware now that there is a serious possibility you won't be able to provide what you're signing up for, you may be better positioned to be a back up, a beta, or a cheerleader.

In the case of a Reverse Big Bang, with the art coming first, and the ideas coming from the artists, it is extra important that participants offering art not overcommit themselves, as the artists are the first link in the chain. This said, there is also no rush to sign up right now, as sign ups for artists don't close until the 30th of this month, so you have time to try and review your workload and schedule.

For writers, if the scope of what you are prepared to write is so narrow that you think there is a real risk that you won't find anything you will be able to write for, we would ask you to consider if a public event such as this is for you.

4. How many pieces of art can I do for the idea that I submit? Can I submit more ideas?

A. You can do as many pieces of art for any one idea as you like. Presently, we are keeping the number of ideas we will allow artists to submit to two until we know how the ratios are going to stack up. The mod team will be making regular updates both on the discord and here on tumblr to let participants know how that is faring at the time of posting. If the ratios are in favour, we may allow artists to submit third ideas.

5. Can I sign up as a pinch hitter?

A. At this time, we do not have a sign up process for pinch hitters, whether they be artists or writers. However, you do not need to be a Bang participant in order to pinch hit. Right now, people who join the discord are able to assign themselves roles such as pinch hitter, beta, and cheerleader, and will receive discord pings to that role as and if those become required. This is why we encourage people to join the discord even if they're not participating in the Bang directly, as there are still ways to support and help your fellows in the fandom.

Should the need arise for pinch hitters, the mod team will also be putting the message out on this tumblr, and reaching out to anyone that signed up and said they may be prepared to pinch hit. If you are contacted there is no requirement that you agree, we would just ask you to review the ideas on offer.

6. Do I need to join the discord in order to participate?

A. No. All the information and updates that are on the discord are also shared on tumblr, it's just that on tumblr we schedule posts to hit major time zones, and on discord they're put up immediately.

7. Will you be sharing the information artists put in their applications about what they're thinking of working on, and writers put in about what they would like to see somewhere that we can see it?

A. Yes! There will be weekly updates with this in an anonymous format shared on this tumblr. We also intend to share how many writers and artists have signed up so far so that you can have an idea of how ratios are currently stacking up. Please bear in mind, however, when we share this, that none of those numbers are final, and that we are only displaying the number of confirmed works on offer, and that a number of people are provisionally offering more.

8. Where do I find all the information about the Bang, such as rules and schedules, and an up to date discord link?

A. The pinned post on this tumblr contains all of that information. We also update the discord link on there any time we are made aware that it has expired, again. The mod team have been setting this to never expire, but discord is apparently not our friend, so if you find the link has expired, notify us either via asks, a message on the bottom of the post, or a tumblr IM, and we will update it (again).

[emilsgrippers]

Part 2

*insert laughter*

Hello there Emil, your guessing was right, now, let's go through all of the clues

Clue 5 assigned the topic of the 4 clues before it

Clues 1 and 3 were about my pfp, clue 2 my Non-TD interests, and 4 about my username.

Clue 1: 🟫⛏️: as fluffjandro correctly guessed, this was telling you that my pfp was Minecraft (even though I haven't played it in over a year)

Clue 3 (well get back to 2): 🟦+🟩+😷+👨🏿: this was telling you that my pfp was of me, or rather my Minecraft skin(👨🏿) wearing a teal(🟩+🟦) mask(😷)

Clue 2: 🟥🦅🟨🐅🟩🦗: back in December, when you said that you'd look into Kamen Rider (I sent that ask too btw), I reblogged, and recommend a few seasons, but I said my favorite one was OOO, who's main form is based on a red hawk (🟥🦅), a yellow tiger (🟨🐅), and a green grasshopper, (🟩🦗) I could've done a grasshopper and motorcycle for the series in general, because the first ever Kamen Rider was based off of a grasshopper, and almost all Kamen Riders ride motorcycles, but I decided against it

Clue 4: ⚡/🫨: this one I thought was a dead give away, my username is shock (technically schocckk, but that was because shock was already taken), the lightning bolt refers to electrical shock, while the second emoji is the state of mental shock

"So that's all!" I say.

You respond, "okay but what about the others"

"Who?"

"You know, the other guys who've been doing this, what about them?"

"oh, I don't know who they are, they just randomly joined in, but they do seem to follow my command. So uh ... Reveal yourselves?" Nothing happens. "Well I'm out of ideas, TUMB-"

"WAIT!" you yell before I fly off like yapdollar. "Is this the end? will I never see you again?"

"of course not, I'll still be around, reading your posts, and popping in every once in a while to keep the meme massive." "But is there one last thing you can do for me"

"Get a low taper fade?"

"No, watch Kamen Rider OOO, it's peak" "anyways, until text time"

And as I leave we both shout one big

TUMBLRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

TUMBLR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kittenwriter]

Writer Interview Tag Game-- @wisteria-lodge has tagged me! (Oooh, look, I get to play!)

How many works do you have on ao3? So are we counting Escapees or Exiles as one or twenty-four? The answer is either 33 or 9, plus my FFFX assignment which is posted and complete but as yet unrevealed.

What's your total AO3 word count? 373,393

Your top 5 stories by kudos?

Toughened Love (Grimm, Nick/Monroe)

To All My Fellow Human Beings

The End of the Beginning

Only Human

According to My Judgment and Means

What I find interesting here is that Toughed Love has more than twice the kudos of the next one down-- it is far and away the most popular thing I've ever written by kudos. Apparently Grimm fandom has a lot of enthusiasm. (Ironically I am not actually active in Grimm fandom; that was a one-off exchange pinch hit which turned out incredibly well.)

And of course everything else on that list is various parts of Escapees or Exiles.

Do you respond to comments? Always. I like the social interaction, and to chat. Sometimes people even follow me back to Tumblr!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? Duty of Care (Emelan, Niko & Tris), another exchange fic. I'm pretty much only going to write truly angsty endings in response to an exchange prompt; it's not my natural milieu. But I am very pleased with how it came out-- one of the general likes listed in the prompt was stories "about" characters who never actually appear on the page, and I took that and ran with it. (The prompted character was Tris. It is a character study of both Tris and Niko, but Tris never actually shows up.) This is really highlighting just how much exchanges have stretched my range over the last year.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? Toughened Love again; it's a straight-up romance and I think the only thing I have with an unequivocally happy ending. (Although if you take it on its own, A Pheromone, Perhaps? is as close to straight-up comedy as you can get on Terok Nor.)

Do you write crossovers? I don't have any theoretical objections but I've never actually done one and the closest I have to a concept for one is a fusion that's more of a "takes heavy inspiration" than a straight-up fusion.

Have you ever received hate on a fic? There was the "trans people won't exist in the future because magical gender surgery so you're just including it for needless angst" incident and there was that person who was upset that I only tagged "Trans Julian Bashir" on installments where his transition comes up in some way because they felt I had tricked them when they went back to the beginning of the series for they do not like to read trans people and tags were supposed to help them avoid doing it.

Other than that, no.

Do you write smut? Most of the smut is anon and I don't admit to it, but I do have Blood Ties with its very, very niche pregnant Garak Siskarak (and eventually Garashir) smut.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of? Is that a thing people are doing now?

Have you ever had a fic translated? Also not that I'm aware of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, and I don't think that would work given how I write. I don't even have betas.

What's a wip that you want to finish but don't think you ever will? I mean, I always intend to finish things eventually. The thing that is probably least likely to be finished is the HP Wrong Boy Who Lived deconstruction/reimagining, which won't be posted until at least First Year is finished and I have other stuff I want to write first. (I have 50k words and we have gotten to sorting first year and portions of that need a substantial rewrite and added backstory. I am not Robert Jordan; there is such a thing as too expansive a story for me to actually pull out of my head and onto the paper.)

What are your writing strengths? Dialogue. I've remarked before that all of my formal creative writing training was for plays and it shows. I was a theater writer long before I was a fiction writer. I'm getting better at the other stuff, but dialogue and character are always going to be the things I'm best at.

What are your writing weaknesses? Descriptions, and actions in general. My stories tend to be conversations broken up by internal monologue; it's very easy for me to fall prey to the floating white room problem if I don't actively take steps to avoid it, and even then one of the things that makes fic easier for me is that my readers presumably know already what the setting looks like so I don't have to describe it.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Are we talking real languages or conlangs? Real languages I don't do because it would have to be one I was confident about-- if I ever get past my very partial understanding of written French, I may include dialogue in French. Conlangs... I'm doing some serious narrative gymnastics to avoid giving more than a word here or there in Bajoran or Kardasi while also delving into the linguistic differences between Bajoran, Kardasi, and Federation Standard far more deeply than is usual for fic.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to? Sanders Sides-- I have paragrah-long rough sketches of a few different takes on college and high school AUs for them. (I'm particularly amused by the idea of the other three all meeting Virgil separately and talking about him with each other and not realizing he's the same guy until some ways into the fic.) Also at some point I want to write Indiana Jones's TA dealing with the academic problems in working for someone ready to go off on Adventures at a moment's notice. And someday I really, really am going to give us the War of the Spark we deserve. (Magic, if anyone's wondering the fandom there.)

That was fun. No pressure, but... @dreamerdrop @sapphosewrites @walkingstackofbooks, anyone want to play?

[pumpkinrootbeer]

(⁠っ⁠.⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)⁠っ⊂⁠(⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠*⁠⊂⁠)

Quick rundown: They/them, Adult, queer, autistic.

I'm the silliest boygirlgirlboybothgirlboygirl alive and my hyper fixations change with a quick breeze but for the past two years or so my special interest has been hockey. My speech patterns are weird and strange and kinda hard to follow and I cannot change this despite my best efforts. Apologies

In general, I'm always down to chat about blorbos or what secrets the wind is whispering to you or a snail you've befriended! whether in dms or in my asks, don't mind either way !! I just ask that you don't get upset if I don't respond right away to message <3

I'm also kinda a bitch 💔 I use very hyperbolic and exaggerated language when I'm joking around about something, which can come off as me being super emotional or angry. I'm also very blunt with my opinions and sometimes? It comes off as grade A cunt. sorry girlies... it will happen again

Pronouns: I am a boy and a girl and neither and both all at the same time. I like when people mix and match pronouns but have yet to see this done without weirdness and an excuse to assign me she/her forever so just stick with they/them if you can't handle the fag swag

fandoms/characters that have possessed my mind body and soul: Sam Winchester, Lip Gallagher, Emily Davis, Bolin, Tony Stark (616) and Peter Parker (also 616), Shadow (the hedgehog) and many other such freaks

normal thing I like: traditional art (watercolors, alcohol based markers, acrylic markers, acrylic paints (sometimes), and pastels), Legos, hiking, hockey (avs, stars, canes, and sharks), and baking. the degree to which I'll be normal about these varies wildly

tags u should probably block:

hockey posting, avs lb, stars lb, personal, my art, self rb

FAQ

"how do you feel about [some stupid niche ship I do not care about]" its fine do whatever you want Tumblr isn't real

"but what if the ship--" go away

"hey about that thing you said about that character, what if I just massively misinterpretted you" wouldn't be the first time but please remember I am a real human boy and I am going to see you call me stupid in my notes. go with god ✨

"you said mean thing about [insert whatever hockey beef you have with me]" please refer back to the "I am a bitch" section of this post.

"can I send you an ask about a topic you have never thought about in your life?" I would actually love if you did this, prefer it to all other possible options

"can I tag you in posts" only weird psychosexual art that feels like it's porn despite nothing being transparently sexual

"what if I got super personal and argued about what you liking a fictional character means about your real life morals" alr shawty

"you haven't responded to my thing/dm/@/proposal for hand in marriage. do u abhor me" I am rotating it and you in my minds eye<3, I will get to it once I empty out my mindscape call tree

[sugar-omi]

(swiftie asker) OH MY GOD YOU GET IT. YOU UNDERSTAND. THIS IS ... EVERYTHING??? THIS IS THE MOMENT????? THIS IS ALL THAT EVER WAS AND ALL THAT EVER WILL BE???????? HELLO???????????? your english teacher is so based for that btw i know damn well i'd be digging claw marks into that desk DKJNCFJ

IF THERE WAS EVER ANYBODY WHO UNDERSTOOD BAXTER WARD IT WOULD BE YOU. BECAUSE YOU FUCKING GET IT, YOU UNDERSTAND THE ASSIGNMENT AND YOU RAN WITH IT LIKE THE GODDAMN WIND. "promises oceans deep, but never to keep" OUGHNGGFJGH IT'S SO BAXTER . ESPECIALLY SINCE ANY OCEAN MOTIF OF ANY KIND IMMEDIATELY ROLLS IN THOUGHTS OF COVE....... FUCKKK DUDE

dude. LOML /IS/ BAXTER CODED HOLY FUCKING SHIT ARE YOU SERIOUS??? "you cinephile in black and white", "in your suit and tie, in the nick of time", "MR. STEAL YOUR GIRL, THEN MAKE HER CRY"... how did i not see this before what the fuck . ???!?! i'm a fake fan fr /j ...

no but seriously. THE WAY THE SONG HAS REFERENCES TO ILLICIT AFFAIRS, YET ANOTHER BAXTER/MC CODED SONG??? the connection between illicit affairs's "they lie and they lie and they lie a million little times" and loml's "you told me i'm the love of your life about a million times" FUCK DUDE I'M CONVINCED TAYLOR KNEW WHAT SHE WAS DOING WHEN SHE RELEASED THESE TRACKS BECAUSE IT'S JUST TOO PERFECT.

"i wish i could un-recall how we almost had it all" and "you're the love/loss of my life" as both baxter AND mc mourning what could have been if they were two different people...if they'd met under different circumstances, in different periods of their lives. if they had one, two, a thousand more chances to get it right. if they weren't built to fall apart - destined to find and then lose each other as if it was nothing. if mc is the moon and cove is the sun, then baxter is the ever-buoying ocean - destined to forever reflect their light and be swayed from shore to shore by mc's magnetic pull - but the way they dip below his horizons by dawn as if melting into him, it's nothing more than the illusion of touch; the ghost of something he might have had once but can't hope to yearn for again.

OKAY I THINK I'VE BEEN RAMBLING WAY TOO MUCH FOR A COMFORTABLE-TO-READ TUMBLR ASK SKJDFKDFJD... truly i will never get over how you just took my silly little thoughts and absolutely TOOK OFF with them, i'll literally never be the same after "that'd be too selfish. he couldn't be that selfish." DUDE LIVES WERE CHANGED. PEOPLE DIED. (it's me, i'm people) so all of this is just to say YOU HAVE DONE IT ONCE AGAIN . ABSOLUTE ICON . 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

"if mc is the moon and cove is the sun, then baxter is the ever-buoying ocean - destined to forever reflect their light" + ".. the way they dip below his horizons by dawn as if melting into him, it's nothing more than the illusion of touch; the ghost of something he might have had once but can't hope to yearn for again."

IS FUCKING CRAZY. OH MY GOD. IM GOING TO SOB??? IM.. IM ON THE FLOOR?? THE WALL???? SHIT, MY LIFE WAS CHANGED JUST NOW AFTER THAT PARAGRAPH. WHAT THE FUCK. like excuse me while i go tattoo such a GUT WRENCHING BUT SO BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN, SUCH A POETIC PARAGRAPH ON MY EYELIDS !!!!!

AND YES YES YES "you're the loss of my life" IS FUCKING CRAZY. I WAS GRIPPING MY STUFFED ANIMAL WITH BOTH HANDS. THAT WAS SO CRAZY N SO FUCKING TRUE

IN FACT. THATS LITERALLY BAXTER'S LINE???? baxter meeting you again, be it when you help plan scott and jude's wedding or when you marry cove, THAT IS HIS FUCKING LINE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON'T GET BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM..

literally screaming rn, i will not be able to sleep at all omg... i'm gonna be thinking about that reflecting their light line all fucking night... LIKE I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE IM EXAGGERATING BUT I AM GENUINELY SHAKEN /POS. YOU HAVE ME IN A DEATH GRIP RN ISTG

i love your mind. my writing freak as been matched. you are brilliant 😭👏👏👏👏

also im trying to listen to more of the songs on ttpd but istg i cannot hear if i cant see words so im checking the lyrics and. THE SMALLEST MAN TO EVER LIVED? BAXTER CODED ANDI NEED YOU TO HEAR ME OUT

"was any of it true? / gazing at me starry-eyed in your jehovah witness suit / who the fuck was that guy?" + "and i dont even want you back, i just want to know / if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal"

THAT LINE. "i just want to know if rusting my sparkling summer was the goal" THIS IS SO PERFECT FOR IF YOURE STILL MAD AT BAXTER EVEN 5 YEARS LATER.

and listen, i have somewhere to be in the morning so i can't wax poetry abt this line right now, imma type some shit up later bc i am going CRAZY but literally even though baxter gave you such a lovely time, and even though you knew it was going to end. even though you hoped he'd stay for awhile..

the way he wraps you up in his arms so sweetly, smiles at you so handsomely... he has you hooked on him like a drug only to turn you away, blame you for your addiction to him. blamed you for still yearning for the temporary but euphoric effects of his love...

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas :)

I'm starting an English assignment now. I'm going to tell you when it's done, because accountability and pride

also I just saw your response to my other ask. I totally forgot that Tumblr doesn't give notifications for anon asks and it freaked me out that you hadn't responded but you had lol

why doesn't it? and during pride month too? smh queerphobia this is

the assignment is a poster thing where you have to cite quotes- hang on. I'm totally overcomplicating this in my head. just. I have to cite mediocre stories that make no sense and also a movie (it's a good movie. I've seen it before and I've liked it)

why the hell is it hard? what am I struggling with?

those are the big questions we are going to solve tonight. tonight, because if we leave it to tomorrow we're fucked

(it's hard due tomorrow. I've already gotten an extension it was due yesterday)

off to do things

wait fuck biology. I should do the extra credit for biology. fuck that's hard due tonight. I'm gonna do that bye <3

-starlight anon :) (yippee I'm starlight anon :D)

(the stuff below was written before the above stuff lol)

oh! I just remembered that taylor swift has a song called starlight. I love that song. it's just vibes and I love it. I chose starlight because stars are cool as hell and just. shiny

just imagine dancing in the starlight on a dock by a lake and you're the only ones and the fireflies are the only things lighting up the area around you or maybe they're the lights from Tangled, but it's you and your partner or someone else you love and you're in fancy clothes because magic is real and it's the 40's and you couldn't have less of a care in the world because you're dancing and you're having a great time and it's beautiful out and there aren't any annoying bugs that are gonna bite your arms and it can just be you and someone else and you're dancing with the stars shining brightly above you and the moon shining softly bathing the world in a quiet glow

and the fireflies swirl around you like they're participating in the dance too but they never get in the way

and there aren't any railings on the dock and you could totally fall in but every time you nearly slip your partner catches you like it's part of the dance and vice versa if they fall

that's what taylor's song feels like.

(ps I don't use TikTok but I hope your algorithm is good)

Hi hon!

Did you get your assignment done? I hope you did!

And YES I wish tumblr gave anon ask notifications! It's so annoying! UGH

And yessss that taylor swift song is amazing....now I need to listen to it.

<3 <3 <3

[rose-riot-johnson]

Hey my Tumblr Peeps😃👍 While have written about a couple fanfics about the reader and character pertaining the niece or nephew and I have written about characters getting the reader pregnant (in a smut fanfic), however I think this time, I really have been thinking about working on a fanfic about a character with the pregnant reader (without the smut), somehow and I might have an idea of who to write about in a fanfic pertaining the pregnant reader (strictly, aside from the character)... While I have written about him a couple times, this will my 1st time writing a fanfic about character and (strictly) the pregnant reader...

*Note; this fanfic contains 1 or more long paragraphs and possibly plenty of pronouns in 1 or more paragraphs in this fanfic😅

🧸Cute🧸(Sajin Komamura x afab (assigned female at birth) Female or They/Them Reader)

Genres: Pregnancy comfort (Warning⚠️: Manga spoiler(s))

After the war between the Gotei 13 and the Quincies ended, not only Sajin Komamura retired as the captain from squad 7, you also retired as a member of squad 4, to take care of your husband, Sajin and to also makesure nothing bad happens to him, as well, considering he will be living in a cave, which you decided to live with him in. He felt bad that you decided to live in the cave with him, however you assured him that you wanted to live there with him. You mainly care about that he's safe, he's tooken cared of, and his well-being.

You have been going to the soul society, atleast a couple times of week to provide Sajin with food, water, clothing (if needed by him), etc... He pretty much insisted that you needed to provide for yourself too, however you keep giving him reassurance that you do provide for yourself. He will see the proof you're taking care of yourself atleast once in a while. Sadly, he does feel bad you haven't been letting help you nor letting him provide for you, since you and Sajin started living in the cave together.

Sajin Komamura appreciates everything you have been doing and all, however a couple months later he kind of has a suspicion that you have been hiding something, even though he knows what you have been hiding atleast something. You have been acting strange, as of late. He pretty much noticed sign that he sensed that about you.

Whenever you noticed he's awake, you used your own blankets to literally cover stuff up with. One night he while he was having a hard time sleeping, while he wasn't fully awake, he'd glanced you knitting or sewing some form of clothing or plushie, then he went back to sleep, before you take focus off whatever your knitting or sewing, then look at him for before proceeding to continue what you were doing, then after you got done you go to cuddle with him. He has been watching you being cautious on what you were eating, as he realized some of the food you usually eat, you haven't been eating, which ofcourse he knows what you're have been eating. That's when he really worried that you have been hiding something from him

So one day you told him you were going to "the world of the living", to see about getting a few things you and Sajin might need, which you never told him what you were needing to get. After you left to go to "the world of the living", Sajin decided to search the your shared cave with him to see, if he can find out what you've been hiding. As he started to search around the cave to see what you've been hiding from him, he mumbled to himself, " What could (afab (Female or They/Them) Reader Name), possibly hide from me, that (she/they) don't want me to know? It's not like I'm not gonna ever talk to (her/them) for whatever is being hidden from me.".

Sajin then noticed a pair of tiny handmade boots laying around near the blankets you were hiding stuff underneath. He smiled, as he found these shoes cute, then he said to himself, "Okay... Let's see what's underneath all those blankets, whatever you're hiding underneath them!", as he proceeded to raise the blankets up to see what you could be hiding underneath them. Once the blankets were pulled off the stuff you could be hiding, he was surprised he discovered some more tiny hands shoes, plenty of really small clothing, some plushies, small blankets, and tiny hats. He thought they're cute, however this just doesn't make sense to him on if this is what you have been hiding all along, why you are hiding all this stuff from him, and what else you could be hiding. He is happy you made all this cutsy stuff and all, however he's just as much in a confused state, as he is in a smiling state, as well.

After you came back inside the cave you share with Sajin from "the world of the living", you were carrying some stuff (you bought from somes stores from world of the living) you have noticed that the stuff you were hiding were no longer covered with blankets, then you noticed Sajin in a blushing, confused, and smiling expression as he was slowly walking towards you, then proceeded to put his arms around you, as he calmly explained, "I know you're hiding something from me, my precious (afab (Female or They/Them) Reader Name). Why all these small clothes, tiny shoes, small blankets, tiny hats, and these adorable plushies here? Any why did you bring all of this stuff here? It's cute you got all of this stuff, especially these cute items and these cute unique tiny chairs here, however I do want you to hide these things from me.". You started to lightly sobbed, the moment you realized he found out. He heard you sob, then put both hands on your shoulders to look at you, as he said, "It's alright, (afab (Female or They/Them) Reader Name). I promise I'm not mad at you about the stuff you brought here. I promise I'm not mad about the stuff you handmade. These are cute. I just have been worrying that you've been hiding stuff, since I first noticed you not eating some of the foods you usually eat. I really have been frightened that you were ashamed of yourself after you stayed away from some of your usual foods, so I thought you going to the world of the living would be good opportunity to see, if you were doing something that you would be unaware of the dangers about anything particular, especially certain meds, then I found cute tiny shoes near the blankets you were hiding the stuff underneath, which I wanted to check and see, then I accidentally completely pulled the blanket off the stuff, to only find more cute stuff, which had got me in joy and confused at the same time.". You started to shake, still worried what he could do, if he was to find out anything else you could be hiding. He then happily (in a confused way) continued, "Now, this also makes me wonder what else you could be hiding from me, (afab (Female or They/Them Reader Name)? All of this stuff makes me more curious about you... You just have been acting so mysterious, in recent months...", as he then proceeded take one of his hands off one of your shoulders to touch your stomach, as you panicked in fear as you confessed, "Okay, Sajin! I admit it! I'm pregnant!", then you started to shake more, as you began to hug him, as you began to cry on his left shoulder.

Sajin was really surprised that it was your pregnancy that you were hiding from him all along. While he was really proud of your pregnancy, he also feels sad that you were frightened from him mentioning to you about hiding something and you somehow felt obligated to hide your pregnancy. He really felt like a proud husband and a proud father.

The next thing Sajin did was hug you into a hold, as he decided to pet you, then said, "There, there, (afab (Female or They/Them Reader)... There's nothing to be ashamed of, not even any of our children... If you don't mind me asking... Why did you hide your pregnancy, my precious?". You answered, "Well, Sajin... I knew you opened up about the fact you were discriminated based on your appearance when you were really young, so I was worried you would be afraid this would happen to any children we end up having together... And I was worried you wouldn't let me leave the cave nor let me take care of any chores nor anything else that needed to be done, but if you were to find out... I was also worried you'd be upset, if you were to find out that I will having your babies...". He was shocked about these reasons you told him, which made him had to think about what to tell you.

Sajin then assured you, as he then said, "I assure you, my precious (afab (Female or They/Them) Reader), despite of the discrimination that happened in my past, pertaining my appearance, I'm not worried about our children going through, the same thing I've been through, and even if any children we have do go through being discriminated based on their appearance, I will guide them and tell them that their appearance is nothing to be ashamed of... Times have changed, (afab (Female or They/Them) Reader Name)... And I still would have let you leave the cave, if you needed to... While also let you take care of the chores... Just be careful and ask for help, especially if you need help with anything, please...", as he then smiled at you, while still hugging and petting you. He then happily, continued, "I also have a good feeling you will be a good (mother or parent) for our child or children, (afab (Female or They/Them) Reader Name)...". You were then relieved by his assurance, comfort, truth when his true colors on how he truly feels about having children with you and your pregnancy.

After that day Sajin found you were pregnant, both you and Sajin have became, so much happier than before, especially in your relationship with him. Your relationship with Sajin is a good relationship, however from Sajin knowing about your pregnancy, it actually helped your relationship with him grow stronger, for some reason. However Sajin will get a little bit protective over you and any children you're pregnant with. Your life with Sajin still was much better, eversince then.

🧸The End🧸

I hope this fanfic warms your heart, my Tumblr Peeps😃👍To be honest this fanfic did take me a while to work on, however this pregnancy fanfic definitely makes me smile, whenever I was working on it and even looking at it🧸I just have been really excited to work on a fanfic that involves, pregnancy comfort, especially this particular fanfic I had tons of fun writing😁👍I hope this fanfic makes your day and/or night my Tumblr Peeps🧸😁👍

[freshgraduate]

A Blog For Me

I'm starting this blog because I'm honestly not doing entirely well. About three months ago, I graduated with Honours after four years at Drama school. It was, frankly, a harrowing and chaotic time, but there was always something to do: scenes to be rehearsed, self tapes to film, movies to review. Even when I didn't want to be doing half the stuff I had to get done in order to pass, I knew deep down that being told what to do was good. It was a 9-5, Monday- Friday, full commitment type of thing. No time for a job. No time for non-actor friends. Four years of all-out hustle. And then it sort of just ended. I'm yet to pick up that little paper that says I've done it (graduation ceremony is next month), but for all intents and purposes, it is done. By the end of the whole thing, I was just fed up. I wanted to be done with uni and be getting on with my life, figuring out who I am and who I was away from homework and constant assignments.

Turns out, I am very unfunctional. I am no longer forced to be somewhere every day, and so I stay in bed. I have no real work experience, so I fear the real world. Anyone who isn't forced to see me every day anymore chooses not to. I am chronically friendless. Oh, and I graduated AGENTLESS!! It's a classic actor's story- study all through drama school, and leave with nothing to show for it. Deadbeat, some would say. So why blog? Well, for one (if it isn't clear enough), I am lonely and I figure typing into the void at the hopes of someone hearing me out might be a tad therapeutic. Also, I used to love this whole tumblr thing when I was 15 and now that I'm 21, I figure there was probably something in that. Finally, I'm kind of praying that there's someone else out there like me- lonely and quite afraid- who can maybe hold my hand and possibly even advise me through this whole thing.

A fair warning: this blog won't be pleasant. It's sort of a final plea. I am a very depressed and negative person these days, which I'm desperate to change. It might get dark here and there. Not to worry! I will tag appropriately!

But, you know, I've done a lot of googling: 'How do I love my life?', 'What is my purpose? (quiz)', 'Should I just pack everything and go?' That kind of stuff. And google doesn't really know either. So. Blog. I'm trying a blog.

Currently my days consist of a good 2 hours trying to figure out how I'm going to get out of bed, doing a 20- 40 minute yoga session after breakfast, showering, and gaming until the day is over. I live with my parents, but it's clear that if I don't get my shit together, they might start thinking about kicking me out. I want to get a job, but every time I think about writing a resume I get scared and chicken out. I'm an actor and a writer, but I'm terrified of putting myself out there because I don't think I'm good enough. All my fellow graduates are 'doing the thing'. Have agents, making films, etc. Successful. I am the failure of the year. I'm considering giving up. Even though I haven't even really tried yet. Pathetic, I know.

Tonight the dream is to get a job, save my money, and volunteer on a farm in Italy early next year. Travel alone. Idk. If I don't feel like I have anything going for me, then there's no harm in running off for a little while. Tomorrow, I will think about the dreaded resume and never end up writing it. This is the pattern of my life.

Expect an update in a few days, or maybe a week, when something or nothing changes. I turn 22 next week.

TLDR: I am a depressed post-grad with nothing going for me. I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I want to be happy. This blog will document my journey.