#if i could time travel them forward into book 4 just to give them more pages i absolutely would. oscar and sigrid really are my favs

[boobo13cambridge]

Drifting Apart I | Kylian Mbappé

Pairing: Kylian Mbappé x f.Reader

Warnings: Angst, physical violence (Y/N slaps him)

Summary: Y/N and Kylian’s relationship is crumbling as they navigate the most difficult moments of their lives. Will they stay or fall apart due to the pressure?

A/N: Hello, everyone! This is the first time I’ve ever written angst, so I really hope you guys give it much love. As always don’t forget to like, comment, and repost! Enjoy, lovelies ❣️

Tired.

Exhausted.

Drained.

Three words that fully encompassed her emotions as she finally put the triplets to sleep after a long day of cleaning up dirty diapers and writing a thesis. Y/N felt close to tears as she felt overwhelming guilt for being worn out at taking care of her babies when she loved them with all her heart. To make matters worse, she and Kylian had been getting into a lot of arguments lately. She knew how important and stressful this year was for him, and in the back of her mind, she wished that they had waited a bit more before having kids.

After getting married in the summer of 2021, the young couple wanted to enjoy a few years together before starting a family. Getting married so young, at the ripe age of 20 and 22, came as quite a shock to some (which in her eyes didn't make sense because a lot of footballers had kids even younger), but they were in love, and despite their parents' skepticism, they tied the knot on July 12, 2021.

Fast forward a year, and Y/N found herself staring at the two dark lines indicating that she's pregnant. Getting pregnant a few months before the 2022 World Cup was definitely not part of the plan, but with the support of their families, they made it through somehow. Throughout her whole pregnancy, Kylian was the best husband any woman could ever ask for, always so attentive and understanding of her every need. When they found out they were having triplets, and all boys at that, Y/N almost had a mental breakdown because she could never in a million years understand how she could ever be a mom to one kid, let alone three. It took Kylian, her mom, and two nurses and a doctor to calm her down.

And needless to say, the triplets, or as Kylian loves to call them 'his perfect hat-trick,' were born on December 4, 2022, right when Kylian had scored two goals to qualify France for the quarter-finals. In all honesty, she really wished she could have just given birth in Doha, but she was under strict surveillance and wasn't allowed to travel. Needless to say, in the moment, she was quite happy that she was having a c-section instead of a normal birth but regretted that soon after as it took way longer to recover. Kylian was definitely devastated to have missed his sons' birth and was this close to booking a flight back to Paris. It took Marcus and Ousmane to calm him down and talk him out of it.

A couple of days after that, France lost the World Cup, which absolutely broke her heart, but she was happy that her husband would be by her side. Post-World Cup, Kylian Mbappé was a very attentive father and husband, but she knew how much the loss had affected him and tried her best to cheer him up. She was secretly glad he had injured himself because he would finally get a break from playing with such a shitty team. Now, back to the present, May 28th, 2024, Post-Transfer Kylian Mbappé was moody and had a frown permanently etched on his forehead.

Once again, she tried to understand, knowing he had so much pressure on his shoulders from transferring to Real Madrid. He was Kylian Mbappé, the current greatest footballer, and people never gave him a break, always demanding perfection every match. He had a huge burden to carry, with the fans pointing out every little mistake he made on the pitch. The Madridistas had long anticipated his transfer, and they were out for blood. If the fans were demanding, then Kylian was even more demanding of himself. It was like living with the shadow of her husband. Gone was the sweet man who would make her breakfast in bed and massage her feet. In his place was someone who only had one thing on his mind: winning everything.

La Liga, Copa del Rey, Supercopa de España, UEFA Champions League, Euros, Summer Olympic Games.

She was going crazy just thinking about it. Lately, it was as if the only thing on his mind was trophies, and she couldn't stand it. The day before the La Liga final, which was held at the Bernabeu just two days ago, Kylian had once again started an argument just because she told him that she was tired of putting his dirty clothes in the laundry and that he should do it himself. The argument was so bad that she didn't even want to be there at the last match of the La Liga season, but on the day of the match, Kylian had profusely apologized and begged, so she forgave him and came to see him lift the trophy. This morning, Kylian had woken up in a foul mood and just seemed to want to be an absolute dickhead. He nitpicked at everything she did before leaving for practice, loudly complaining that she had put too much protein powder in his shake.

The whole day, she tried to text him and call him, but he was ignoring her calls. She had had enough; she couldn't deal with it anymore. Time and time again, she had tried to be understanding, swallowing and smiling through every single complaint and whine he let out. So what if he had his first Champions League final with his new club in three days? She didn't deserve to be treated like such a nuisance.

As she went to the kitchen to grab something to drink, she broke down into sobs. It was too much. She hated feeling like she wasn't enough. Kylian hadn't kissed her, much less said, "I love you," before storming out. For months, all he did was complain, complain, and complain.

The young woman heard the door open and close, instantly recognizing her lover's footsteps. She tried to muffle her sobs so he wouldn't hear, but she forgot that the kitchen lights were on.

Kylian walked right through the archway leading to the kitchen and stopped in his tracks when he saw her teary face, instantly feeling guilty. He knew he had been treating her horribly these past few months and that he should stop, but he had been so stressed with everything that he took it all out on the love of his life and the mother of his children.

"Bébé, are you okay?" he asked slowly, approaching her and trying to wipe her tears, but she moved back. Her action pained him because he realized how much of a jerk he had been.

"What do you think? Do I look like I'm okay?" she snapped at him, wiping the tears with the back of her hand, her voice filled with frustration.

"I'm sorry, my love. I've been such an ass-" he said apologetically.

"Yes, you have! You have no idea what I've been going through because of you!" she replied angrily, her tone laced with resentment.

"Bébé, you have no idea how sor-" he tried to explain, but she cut him off.

"Save your fucking apologies, Kylian! I don't fucking care anymore. You've made me feel like the biggest piece of shit these past few months," she spat out, her words filled with bitterness.

"You know how stressed I've been with the transfer and-" he started to defend himself, but she interrupted him.

"AND SO YOU DECIDED TO TAKE IT OUT ON ME WHEN I-" she yelled, her tone conveying a mixture of anger and hurt.

"STOP INTERRUPTING ME! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH WITH ALL THESE PEOPLE PUSHING THEIR EXPECTATIONS ON ME WHILE YOU SIT AT HOME-" he retorted, his voice tinged with frustration.

"SIT AT HOME? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN DO THE WHOLE DAY EXCEPT KICK A FUCKING BALL AROUND WHILE I TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS, CLEAN THE HOUSE, COOK FOOD, WRITE MY FUCKING THESIS, WHICH YOU NEVER EVEN BOTHER ASKING ABOUT BECAUSE OF COURSE THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD TURNS AROUND MR. HOTSHOT HIMSELF!"

"KICK A BALL AROUND ALL DAY? ME DOING THAT IS THE ONLY REASON WHY YOU SPEND THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS BUYING USELESS SHIT-" 

"I USE MY OWN MONEY TO BUY SHIT, YOU DICKHEAD! AND THE ONLY USELESS SHIT I BUY WITH YOUR MONEY IS CLOTHES AND FOOD FOR THE CHILDREN YOU KNOCKED ME UP RIGHT AFTER I GRADUATED! I'VE SACRIFICED SO MUCH FOR YOU-" 

"SACRIFICED?! WHAT HAVE YOU SACRIFICED FOR ME, HUH? STOP ACTING LIKE I KNOCKED YOU UP WHEN YOU WERE MORE THAN WILLING TO SPREAD YOUR LEGS FOR ME!" 

SLAP.

The sound reverberated through the kitchen, accompanied by a sharp sting on Kylian's cheek. Pain radiated through his face, mingling with the shock that coursed through his veins. His hand instinctively reached up to cradle his burning cheek, his eyes widening in disbelief. The room seemed to spin as he struggled to comprehend what had just transpired.

Y/N's expression mirrored his own disbelief, her eyes wide with horror at the consequences of her actions. Tears streamed down her face, mixing with the remorse that consumed her. She trembled, overwhelmed by the magnitude of what she had done. It was a moment of raw vulnerability, where the line between love and anger blurred into a haze of anguish.

"Kylian, I'm so sorry," she choked out, her voice quivering with remorse. Each word dripped with the weight of her regret, desperate to erase the irreversible damage she had caused.

His throat tightened, a turbulent mix of emotions swirling within him. The pain on his cheek competed with the anger that burned in his chest. He fought to find his voice, to process the torrent of thoughts that assailed his mind. The apology hung in the air, suspended between them, as he grappled with conflicting impulses.

Gulping down the lump in his throat, Kylian felt the anger surge within him, fueled by his own frustrations and insecurities. The relentless stress, anxiety, and guilt that had plagued him clawed their way to the surface, intertwining with the raw ache on his cheek. It was a toxic concoction that threatened to consume him, driving him to respond with his own fury.

But beneath the anger, a part of him acknowledged his own culpability. He was not blameless in this dance of discord. The weight of his actions pressed upon his conscience, intertwining with the pain on his cheek. The realization of his own flaws clashed with the indignation that simmered in his veins.

In that moment, Kylian made a choice. A choice to channel the anger, the hurt, and the guilt into something different. Instead of lashing out, he took a deep breath, summoning the last remnants of self-control. The anger flickered in his eyes, but he suppressed it, focusing on the vulnerability before him.

He approached Y/N slowly, his steps cautious and deliberate. His hand reached out, hesitantly, aiming to wipe away her tears, but she flinched, pulling back as if his touch were a reminder of her own transgressions. The ache in his heart matched the pain on his cheek, the longing to bridge the chasm that had formed between them.

Words hung unspoken, heavy with unexpressed emotions. They both knew that apologies alone were not enough to heal the wounds they had inflicted upon each other. The room remained steeped in anguished silence, punctuated only by the echoes of their shattered love.

As the weight of the moment settled upon them, Kylian and Y/N stood at a crossroads. A crossroads where anger and remorse converged, where past mistakes collided with uncertain futures. The path forward was shrouded in shadows, their once-solid foundation crumbling beneath the weight of their anguished hearts.

Time seemed to stand still in the wake of their confrontation, the air heavy with unspoken words and shattered expectations. The kitchen, once a sanctuary of shared laughter and intimate conversations, now felt like a battlefield, scarred by the aftermath of their verbal warfare. 

Kylian's gaze never wavered from Y/N, his eyes tracing the contours of her tear-streaked face. He longed to bridge the distance between them, to mend the rift that had widened with each bitter exchange. The ache in his heart intensified, a poignant reminder of the love that had once bound them together.

Y/N's body trembled with a mix of regret, fear, and a longing for reconciliation. The weight of her actions bore down on her, leaving her feeling small and vulnerable. She yearned for solace, for the reassurance that their love could withstand the tempestuous storm that raged within them.

With measured steps, Kylian closed the physical gap between them, his heart pounding with a mixture of trepidation and determination. He reached out once again, his hand hovering in the space between them, a silent plea for forgiveness and understanding.

Y/N hesitated for a moment, caught in the crosscurrents of conflicting emotions. Her gaze met Kylian's, searching for a glimmer of the man she had fallen in love with—the man who had once cherished her and their family above all else. Slowly, tentatively, she extended her trembling hand, allowing their fingers to intertwine, a fragile connection in the face of their shattered trust.

In that delicate touch, an unspoken promise lingered. It whispered of their shared history, the moments of tenderness and joy that had been eclipsed by their recent turbulence. It spoke of a willingness to rebuild, to confront their flaws and the demons that haunted them.

The silence, once heavy with resentment, now became a sacred space for introspection and reflection. The unspoken words hung in the air, their weight acknowledged by both parties. It was a moment of surrender, a recognition that love could not thrive in the absence of vulnerability and forgiveness.

However, despite their fragile moment of reconciliation, the scars of their previous altercation still festered beneath the surface. The guilt and anger that plagued them now resided like smoldering embers, waiting for the slightest breeze to ignite their fury once more.

The following morning, the house was shrouded in an uneasy silence. Kylian moved cautiously, as if walking on eggshells, acutely aware of the tension that lingered in the air. Y/N, her face etched with traces of weariness and apprehension, busied herself in the kitchen, desperately trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy.

Suddenly, the sound of shattering glass pierced the fragile peace. Kylian's hand trembled as he gazed at the broken fragments scattered across the floor, his breath catching in his throat. The weight of his mistake crashed down upon him, triggering a surge of self-loathing.

Before Kylian could even react, Y/N's voice lashed out, sharp and cutting. "Kylian, how many times have I told you to be careful? You never pay attention to anything!" Her words dripped with frustration, a reflection of her own mounting resentment.

His heart sank, a mixture of shame and frustration swirling within him. The bitterness that had consumed him since their previous argument threatened to overflow. He could no longer bear the weight of his guilt and his bruised pride.

The room seemed to close in on them as Kylian's retort hung heavily in the air, each word a dagger aimed at Y/N's wounded heart. "Oh, what now? Are you going to slap me again, Y/N?"

The accusation cut through the air, leaving a palpable silence in its wake. Y/N's eyes widened in disbelief and hurt, her body trembling with a mixture of shock and anger. The triplets, sensing the rising tension, began to cry, their innocent wails intermingling with the growing storm of emotions.

Y/N's voice quivered as she fought back tears, her voice heavy with a mixture of sorrow and indignation. "How dare you say that, Kylian? I never wanted to hurt you, and you know it!"

The room trembled with their voices, each word a dagger aimed to wound, tearing at the fabric of their fragile bond. Kylian's face contorted with anger, his voice laced with a bitterness he could no longer contain. "Of course you never wanted to hurt me, right? You've done such a fantastic job so far!" Kylian spat, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Complaining and nagging every fucking day like I don’t already have enough of that every time I open social media"

Y/N's eyes filled with tears, a mixture of pain and disbelief etched on her face. She struggled to find her voice, to make sense of the torrent of emotions crashing over her. "I'm trying, Kylian. I'm trying so hard to hold us together, to be there for you and the kids. But it feels like nothing I do is ever enough!"

He scoffed, the bitterness in his voice turning his words into venom. "You? Trying hard? Don't make me laugh! All you do is complain and criticize. You're so quick to point out my faults, but what about your own? Or do you think you're perfect?"

Y/N's voice trembled with a mix of anger and hurt. "I never claimed to be perfect, Kylian. But I've given up so much for you, for our family. I've sacrificed my dreams and aspirations to support you, only to be constantly belittled and dismissed!"

Kylian's eyes blazed with fury, his fists clenched at his sides. "Oh, so now it's all about your sacrifices, is it? What about mine? What about the pressure I face every single day, the weight of expectations on my shoulders?"

Their words collided in the air, their voices filled with resentment and unspoken pain. The triplets' cries grew louder, their innocence caught in the crossfire of their parents' anguish.

Unable to bear the suffocating atmosphere any longer, Kylian turned on his heels, his voice dripping with disdain. "I don't have time for this. I have a plane to catch, a team to lead. Maybe being away from you for a while will do us both some good."

As he stormed out of the house, the door slammed shut behind him, leaving Y/N standing in a sea of shattered hopes and shattered glass. The anguished cries of their children echoed through the empty rooms, a haunting reminder of the fractures in their once-unbreakable bond.

In that moment, as the gravity of their fight settled upon them, both Kylian and Y/N were left with a hollow ache in their hearts, each tormented by their own regrets and the uncertain path that lay before them.

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "How can you get more clarity/leave this rut? -career/studies"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read suggestions and guidance in regard to your current work/school/studies situation. this reading is especially supposed to help those who are confused about what's ahead for them or how to reach their goals, so that they can maybe find some clarity about the next steps they should take or at least make them think about and see their situation under a new light.

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

1 2 3 4 - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1

I think there's something you need to overcome, some type of obstacle or something you need to learn from your present situation, before you can move on onto the next stage and leave this rut you may find yourself stuck into. I'm also hearing "ascension" so it may be something related to your spirituality too and how you live it or see it, or if you have any insecurities related with it (could be a dark night of the soul/tower moment). You may need to study more about it, about tarots for examples or learning from more other/ancient cultures (it could be either from books, online or travelling for example). Ofc, if it's not regarding your spirituality (which you may actually work with), it could be something you need to realize from your confusion, maybe a change in approach or perspective. Or it could be about communicating more your needs (or even listening to them for real and working to meet them: if something doesn't make you happy, you can do the basic and then move onto something else -I'm talking about a job you don't like anymore or school: just work to get outta there). I think you probably went through a huge blockage or a pretty tough situation that kinda made you worry about your abilities as well (eg. an exam gone bad). Try to reconnect with yourself and analyze what went wrong, see it as a lesson from which to grow instead of something that is blocking you. Things are changing (maybe you're palnning a change in your job or school or where you want to live), and this sometimes really brings in big doubts about ourselves. Try to always stay connected with yourself. Beautiful flowers can blossom after the darkest and coldest times. Let yourself do the same. Clarity will very likely hit you after you give yourself a break/take things easier (don't worry/overstress) and understand patiently the reasons behind this blockage you're experiencing. In conclusion, the main point in your pile is about learning something important that will help you move forward and maybe pass to a different level (practically, eg. by moving position in your job or even just personally, eg. by gaining more knowledge about yourself or something).

song: winter blossom | dept, ashley alisha, nobody likes you pat

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 2

You are probably embraking on a new path, be it a new career or school. It could also be your first job (and it could be you starting your own business) or you're trying to apply somewhere specific through a competition (for a few; maybe you even got that position you always dreamt of). What is blocking you and causing you to not be able to really move forward and start this new thing, is probably fear. You may be having doubts about your abilities or think things may be going in a specific (not so positive) way while that's not true. You have all you need to make it, and even be successful at it. You have learned a lot in your past and prepared for this a lot, so that's just something you need to check within yourself: why are you blocking yourself/self sabotaging yourself? Why do you fear really trying and making it? You're enough and even if things won't go exactly as planned, they won't be as bad, and anyway you have the right mindset to adapt and make the best out of any situation that will come to you. I also think the Universe is going to help you somehow. For some of you, you probably fear having to leave something behind or close the door with something (eg. you need to move abroad which means you'll have to leave family and friends, maybe even a partner behind) but it's not necessarily so. These days, communications are so easy with the internet, there's no need to worry. You can still be present with them too and find solutions/compromises, if you (both) really want to commit to what you have. You don't have to close any door if you don't want to: no matter where you'll physically be, your heart can be anywhere, and you can always have days off/vacations to spend with whom and where you want. Have a real chat with yourself (and your person/people) to see what you really want for yourself (and your relationship/s). Sometimes we only need to give things a try and see if they can work or not. Sometimes we only need to communicate our fears and doubts openly to find out what to do.

song: u make me wanna | blue

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 3

You're probably trying to find your call or road. You may have a dream career or you're envisioning something about how you want your future to be like, but... it's like it stops there. You're not really taking any real step towards it, it seems. Maybe you're still young and in school, so obviously you can only daydream about what you want to do (still, preparing yourself and planning future studies is good). Maybe you're just clearing your mind about this matter. Maybe you're just living day by day hoping this torture (school, yeah) will end soon so you can do something you really love. I think you're kinda bored with your life now, you don't even want to study, and daydreaming about your future is helping you trying to find a spur to go on. For some of you, no matter if you're still in school or not, you may have a dream career but it feels so unreachable that you can only imagine or daydream about it: you consciously decide to not take action about it, either to not disappoint someone else (probably your family/society) or because you don't feel good or prepared enough. Here's the thing: I understand for some cultures is hard to do it and disappoint your parents (sometimes it's also a matter of triggers you get like you need to be what they want and have their validation to live well, while you actually don't but that's what they made you believe even unconsciously), but tbh you're not living for anyone's pleasure nor to realize any of their unfulfilled desires. You're living just for you and to fulfill yourself and your wishes. As for being good or prepared enough... honestly you'll never be prepared enough for anything in this life. You just learn on the way what you need, you adapt, you change, you transform... that's a continuos work so you feeling not being good or prepared enough is basically just your mind's excuse to not let you leave this known and comfy place where you're sure of what's ahead of you and what's around you, even if you don't really like it or don't feel it's for you. Listen to your soul: if it's not a desire born just for fantasize or to escape a difficult situation but it's something you really want and need to do, then you probably should at least listen to yourself and maybe give yourself a chance. And if right now you need to give yourself a break, do that for real. You have time to plan things and even to study.

song: blue dream | jhené aiko

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 4

I have the feeling that there's something you don't wanna check, and it may be something inside of you or related to your feelings/emotions. Maybe you're just having a hard time understanding what to do but... I feel there's also something you're avoiding. Maybe cause it just hurts too much, in some way. Maybe you're closing off from your creativity? You probably fear not making it if you chose any creative endeavour so you're opting for an "easier" career. I understand your reasons ofc, but I'm not sure your soul does. I think you may fear that others are better than you or there's a lot of offer in your creative field so you're just trying to apply for 9-5 jobs. Maybe, actually, you're just competing with yourself and you feel like your art (I almost wrote heart, perfect) is not able to give away what you really want to give, or that you cannot do what you want the way you want to. It's like, you're moving away from what you really want to do, just because it constantly turns out to be not exactly how you want it to be. What if it has to be different from how you want it? What if it's so just to teach you, and maybe your audience as well, something important? Like... maybe you just have to appreciate yourself for who you are, the way you are. You don't have to be better, you're already perfect, and so is your art (again, almost wrote heart). What if there's nothing more you need to do or give, cause you're already giving your all? It's okay, we cannot send our mind a signal to stamp what we envision (I mean, I don't even wanna know from where'd you stamp that), and it's okay if our hands/bodies cannot translate things into reality as we are seeing them in our mind. We're not a scanner, fr. Think that, in the process of moving from your mind to your body, you put into your reasult/art all you are, all you've seen, all you've been into, all you've practiced (but not what you can still practice and do, cause you can get better too here and there, you can smooth things over, if you don't give up and keep working with yourself). And these things are things that only you, with your own life experience, can give to your art and the people looking at it. So maybe, MAYBE, you can try to give yourself another chance and more time, and the ability to even make mistakes and change. If you want to, ofc. If not, you're ofc free to go to your 9-5 job and have it "easier" (not the right expression, but still): maybe you'll come back to art in a different time (maybe when it's the right time and you have made up your mind about it and all the issues you perceive around it and yourself), in a different way and form. And add even more to it, after this new experience.

[I channeled about an artistic career, but honestly it could also be any other endeavour for some of you: the focus of the reading is about how you see yourself in relation to what you want to do, how you may be trying to escape what you want to do so to not having to deal with your block/self issues and find an "easier" and/or "faster" road to success -whatever it is that you consider success, maybe getting a good amount of money and not having to worry/being too much in charge of decisions -if you work as an employee, it's your boss deciding most stuff-. You have time to deal with this, btw, if this is what you fear].

song: imagine | ariana grande

[chloessleepystories]

Chocolate Fog

Mind control, Drugged, Male/Female, Male Dominant

This was sparked by a patron's three-word prompt: Airplane. Eyes. Chocolate.

***

The setting sun was glaring through the little airplane window, so Amber, squinting, lowered the shade halfway. She was a pretty white girl in her early 20s, blonde, with a thin sweater stretched over generous breasts. Her seatmate had noticed them – noticed her beauty – but hadn't been creepy about it, and she appreciated that. They were only an hour into their 4-hour flight, and she didn't want to feel creeped out the whole time.

He seemed like a gentleman. Older man, with dusky skin and a trim white beard. Dr Suresh or something like that, he'd said, with just a hint of an accent, as he'd smiled and exchanged pleasantries before takeoff. She got a warm feeling from him – partly from his nice smile, partly from his rich, deep, soothing voice, but mostly from his eyes – they sparkled with warmth and mischief, and there seemed to be golden flecks in those kindly, chocolate-brown eyes.

The snacks and drinks trolley was coming down the aisle. She found she was really looking forward to that little packet of peanuts. She pulled down the little tray, moving her paperback to the empty seat beside her. How fun air travel was! And how cool that the flight wasn't fully booked, so she had room to spread out. Dr Suresh had spread out too – he'd laid a small case on the seat between them when he first sat down. So that was nice – a shared space, but also a buffer.

She ordered her peanuts and a Diet Coke from the nice stewardess.

"There you go. And for you, sir?"

"A scotch and soda, please. Neat."

"That's all?"

"That is all. Thank you. Oh – a blanket, perhaps, when you have the chance."

Amber leaned over, once the stewardess had moved on. "No peanuts? I think the peanuts are my favorite part. For some reason, peanuts on a plane just taste better than peanuts anywhere else!"

He chuckled in his throat, as she giggled. "This is true. Perhaps someone should do a study as to why. Me, I do not need them, for I bring my own snacks." He patted the small sample case between them. "The finest chocolate bars no one has heard of – yet. New, from my company."

"Wait – you make chocolate?? That's awesome! What are you, Willy Wonka?" He laughed again at her little joke. She liked his laugh. "Wait a second, I thought you said earlier you were a scientist?"

"This is indeed true. I am a scientist," he said, and his eyes twinkled. "There is a lot of science that goes into making good candy. Did you know this?"

He was already opening the case, so she decided he didn't mind talking about it. "So what's special about it?"

The bars were packaged more like an extra thick Hershey bar than a Snickers or 3 Musketeers – a dark-brown sleeve around a foil wrapper. The sleeve said "Chocolate Fog."

"Our chocolate is made from a very special bean just recently discovered deep in the Amazon rainforest," he said in his rich, melodic voice. "Its flavor is unlike any other kind of chocolate previously tasted outside of Peru. In our labs, it goes through a special process designed to enhance its unique properties, until we arrive at what I believe is the best chocolate bar ever created."

He peeled open one end of one bar to show it was segmented. He broke off a chunk and held it out. "You will have a taste, and you will agree, yes?"

Well, how could she refuse free chocolate? She popped the thick square in her mouth, and her eyes lit up at the explosion of taste on her tongue. "Mmmm! It's so rich, and ... nutty? But also there's a softness, like ... almost a little nougat in there?"

"That is what gives it its ‘fog,' I believe," he murmured. "That airy quality."

"It's amazing!" she said, and drooled a little speaking around a mouthful of chocolate. "Could I ... Could I have a little more?"

"You may have the whole bar, dear lady," he said, and the golden flecks in his eyes sparkled as he smiled. "I have plenty more ..."

Half an hour later, the plane interior was much darker. The sun had finished setting, and people were dozing, or watching movies with their headphones. Only a few overhead pinpoint lights lit up the interior gloom.

Amber had a tummy full of chocolate. She'd finished the bar in a surprisingly short time, and had been allowed to devour a second too. Now, she leaned back in her seat, feeling the gentle rocking of the plane and hearing its dull roar, and feeling ... lulled. Lulled into a repose.

Lull, lull, lull. What a funny word, she thought. Lol. Lull. Lulllllled ...

She looked over at Dr Suresh, with a dopey smile and lidded, glazed eyes. "Thasss so good ..." she whispered. "Bess chocklit ever ... It makes me, like, happy ..."

The chocolate taste coated the inside of her mouth. It felt like was coating her brain, too, which was sluggish. Thoughts were moving slowly through the rich, chocolatey fog in her head.

"I am very glad to hear that," said her seatmate. "You look like you are enjoying it thoroughly."

He raised his armrest and, moving his sample case and the blanket he'd gotten from the stewardess, slid into the seat beside her.

"I am always interested in learning more about the special properties of these special beans. So I do enjoy finding more test subjects. Tell me – and please be honest, this is for posterity – how do you feel?"

She giggled, quietly. "I feel ssoooo goooood ..." she whispered. "Like, rosy! Like no worries, no stress, all the tension I was feeling in my body that I didn't even know I was carrying, has melted away! Like every cell in my body has gone on a happy lil vacation!!!"

"Well, that does sound delightful," he said, making a few notes on a small pad.

"Whadid you ssay was in there?"

"A mild sedative to slow the limbs, dopamines and opioids that produce a gentle euphoria, similar to being pleasantly intoxicated. Some components of the bean that inhibit activity in the prefrontal cortex and make you highly suggestible, that we have ... enhanced. And of course some pretty damn good chocolate."

He smiled, and his teeth seemed to shine in the dim light of the plane interior. She could see his eyes glittering, almost like a cat's.

"... Huhh?" she slurred. There was a bit of chocolate-brown drool at one corner of her mouth. She seemed to be having trouble focusing on him.

"Now," he went on. "Here's my question. I know the chocolate makes you happy. Makes you dopey. And it sometimes can be addictive. What I don't know is ..." And he leaned closer. "Does the chocolate make you horny?"

She blinked, and focused a little bit, looking deeply into his eyes. "H-horny?"

"Yes. You can feel it now, can't you? You can feel the rich, melting pleasure coursing through you, from your tongue up to your brain, and down through your whole body ... Melting away your inhibitions, covering your objections with flavor and pleasure." She was captivated by his eyes, dancing and sparkling. She hardly had to listen to his words. "The chocolate fog fills your whole body, making your nipples erect, yes? Your tummy tingle. Your arms and legs are like lead, heavy with the weight of their happiness, and your pussy ... oh, your pussy is singing, and buzzing, drinking in the rich, chocolatey heat. It's getting so aroused, so needy. Why, if you think about it – and it is hard to think, isn't it? – but if you think about it, you can feel your whole body, and all your mind, melting into your needy, foggy pussy. If only you could lift your arms, you would be desperate to pinch your nipples. Desperate to rub your clit. As it is, you can't help but squeeze your thighs together, around that heat, that aching need ... Isn't that right? You're squeezing right now, aren't you?"

She couldn't look away from his eyes. She could barely blink. Her eyes were watering. She nodded. Her whole body was consumed with hunger – no longer for chocolate, but for sex. For carnal pleasure. For cock. Yes! She needed to be filled with cock! That's what she craved now!!

She whimpered, quietly, in that dozing, dark plane filled with unknowing passengers, staring into the eyes of her kindly seatmate.

He moved the blanket over her lap without breaking eye contact, and pressed his hand into her crotch under its cover. He raised her skirt and stroked a finger along the moist heat of her panties-covered mound. She moaned and twitched, her mouth falling open, staring into his eyes.

"Please ..." she whispered. "Please, I'm so horny ..."

"My only question," he said, smiling directly into her eyes, "is whether you would have gotten so horny if I hadn't suggested it. Did I implant that thought into your suggestible brain? Or does the chocolate actually make you horny by itself?"

He moved her panties aside, and stuck a finger deep into her wetness. Her eyes filled silently with gratitude, already dreaming how she wanted to spend the whole weekend with him, letting his fingers and his cock and his chocolate do everything he wanted to with her.

"Every time, I tell myself I'm going to just wait and see," he went on, stroking her sex, already bringing her close to her first mind-breaking orgasm. "I won't say a word, just observe. But every time ... well ... I can't help it. I tell you how good your body feels. And it does."

She grasped his strong arm in both her little hands, and gasped in ecstasy, trying to be as quiet as possible and mostly succeeding.

"Six times now, and every time, I ruin the experiment. I just can't stop talking! It is a failing. I am a bad scientist."

He grinned.

"But you forgive me ... Don't you?"

And his eyes sparkled.

[lambcow]

My Plan for the Upcoming Twilight TV Show so that it's actually Good

I heard recently that they're doing a Twilight TV show. The rights are out there at the very least. Who knows when it will happen and what network will produce it where, but it's going to happen.

But here's my thing - they're going to do it wrong if they do it the way I think they will, which is anything like the timeline of the Books/Movies. As a hardcore Twilight fan (yes I'll admit it, I spent a long time in fandom as a preteen, okay? It was my first online fandom and the first fanfiction that I wrote) I have Opinions(TM) about how to make the show in a way that would make it interesting. Stephanie Meyer had interesting ideas and I stand by this! There's a lot of untapped potential in the series and I think if they did it right it could be a really, really cool show! But there's not much going on if we just rehash the same events of the books over again at an episodic level.

No.

I present to you, not the TV show "Twilight", but the TV show "Cullens", which starts off with Carlisle Cullen as he has come to America when he finally starts to build his Coven.

This is NOT the story of whiny Bella Swan and her falling in love with Edward and becoming a vampire over 4 books or 5 movies, but rather the story of a man who has already spent over two centuries as a vampire, struggling because of his love for humanity as he finds purpose and meaning as he builds his family. We follow his story as he collects his coven.

We truly open on the show when Carlisle finds Edward dying of Spanish Influenza and decides to turn him for humanity's sake because he would die and because he as a man is lonely and this boy is so young, only 17, and Edward's mother begs him to do whatever he can to save her son and who knows, maybe Carlisle's been watching him and he sees him like a son already too. Maybe we get flashbacks to Carlisle with the Volturi for those 20 years he stayed with them in Italy back in the early 1700s, who knows. The fact of the matter is, that Carlisle is a doctor at the hospital where Edward is, and for whatever reason that we as an audience are compelled to understand in this first and important episode is Carlisle is finally done being alone and craves family and Edward resembles that for whatever reason, so Carlisle gives in and turns him. The next several episodes are an arc about their relationship as we deal with newborn Edward. We know how hard it is to adjust to being newly turned. After he calms down, Edward then has to confront his mortality and that of his family, we see him start to remember his family and confront those memories. More flashbacks to the Volturi as Carlisle explains what being a vampire is to Edward etc.

We follow the pair then as they travel around with the cover story that Edward is Carlisle's nephew. It's three years later when Esme enters the picture. What we know already is she attempted suicide and Carlisle turned her to save her - and that they have history since Carlisle treated her for a broken leg some ten years prior when she was 16 years old. Fast forward to now and she's gone through an abusive marriage where she ran away from her husband several times, most recently after getting pregnant, and has just lost her baby due to a lung fever. At her wit's end with all of it, Carlisle finds her after she jumps off a cliff attempting to end her life. They end up falling in love and getting married after she is turned. That's several episodes I'm sure. GREAT ARC. But Esme struggles with blood lust, which is a great transition into the conversation for what happens just a few years later with Edward...

We can tie more vampire politics into the show (especially the Volturi into it) when Edward goes through his Ripper phase when he decides he doesn't want to drink animal blood like Carlisle teaches him. The two fight but what can Carlisle do? Maybe there are other vamps around as well to cause extra drama. Who knows? It is a TV show, after all. He goes off on his own and that's a whole plot. I'm sure the network could find some interesting ways to make this dramatic for a few episodes and keep enough plot points alive. Add in some new OC's and side characters. Remember the Denali clan? When do they start being formed? There's not a lot of context on them, just that they're close with The Cullen's. Maybe we get some of their story and interaction here. Maybe Sasha (the original leader who was killed by the Volturi for creating an immortal child) reaches out to Carlisle at some point near the beginning and this is when they all become vegetarian vampires together before the whole Denali clan is formed too.

Fast forward to when that arc is resolved. Edward is back with Carlisle and Esme and the peace is back. Now, we get Rosalie... Now, the thing with Carlisle, is he doesn't turn people just to turn people. He's very moralistic. We learn that all the time about his character. I'm sure our little trio has traveled on from Chicago and is in New York where they encounter Rosalie Hale who was assaulted nearly to death by her husband and all his buddies. Carlisle is somewhat of a matchmaker here and hopes Rosalie and Edward can keep each other company for their immortal lives... it makes me wonder what episode and background we can throw into the show here. Did Carlisle know this girl in any other capacity? Why are his dad senses tingling about Rosalie anyway? That's gotta be an arc.

Anyway, turns out Rosalie is not only not interested in Edward, but she's only really interested in staying with the Cullens because being alone forever would get lonely, so she stays with them... but that's after her revenge arc because Rosalie Hale is a certified Bad Ass. She goes after her Fiance and all his Dude Bros and takes them all out, and I can just imagine her executing this flawlessly as a vamp. I do wonder if Edward reads her mind about her plans and asks if he can help her, though. Eventually, she gives in and it's Sibling Bonding(TM) at its finest. It's this bonding that convinces Rosalie to stay with the Cullens after all, and that's that.

Next, we get Emmett. Now, this is a fun one! Because we get Emmett who starts pining over the gorgeous Rosalie Hale when they move to this new place. I'm not sure it says where they are, but I digress. Do we have a bit of the Bella/Edward vibes here? Are there warnings of "don't let the human close"? Is this around the time when we've just had the Denali arc and are reminded of the human child being killed? Is Carlisle having flashbacks? What is the drama? Make it interesting, TV people! Is Edward mad that Rosalie is flirting back? Is it harmless? Who. Knows. -- But then, it doesn't matter because Emmett is getting mauled by a bear in the woods and... wait, why is Rosalie even there? Why does she even find him? Hmmm, seems like she's following him around protectively ;) well- whatever the reason and drama, Emmett is near dead and she saves him and brings him to Carlisle to be turned. The reactions of the coven... the reactions of the town, of his family, of his friends, the drama. Make it interesting, once again, people! This is TV gold! It's cliches and everything you want for TV, c'mon! And then, of course, since they were already practically in love already, they really can be together, but now they have to leave because Emmett is supposedly dead and the Cullens are complicit in that for some reason too perhaps. So they get out of dodge and where do they go now?

If you guessed Forks, Washington, you're right. It's the first time and it's time to get into the legends and deal with The Wolves(TM). It's all about the Quiluetes and it's time to make a treaty with The Pack(TM). Ephraim Black is Jacob's great-grandfather and the leader of the tribe. Whoooa boy. I can think of sooooo much they can do with this,. And just how long do the Cullens stay in Forks the first time around? It's a whole arc. Maybe it's a season. We get some good wolf content. We get some pack dynamics. It's great. We get some beef between Rosalie and the wolves maybe, because there's obvious dislike between her and the wolves later and it's gotta be for a reason more than just their smell, I know it. So, several episodes there. Maybe even some fighting. I know it ends with a treaty, but that's not easily won. Maybe it's Rosalie they found first and one of the wolves attacked her before they were able to make talks for peace. Yeah. I can see this season being really fun.

So, after all that goes down, maybe there's something with the Volturi? Something with the Denali? They do end up staying with the Denali Coven for a time. Maybe they go somewhere else for a little while after they've overstayed their welcome in Forks. Sometime around the 1940s they leave. During the 1950s Jasper and Alice wander upon them and at this point, I fully believe we would get a several-episode arc of Jasper's origin story with the Civil War and the Newborn Army - but they've gotta make it interesting somehow, so there's gotta be a parallel conflict in the timeline that makes it relevant, like I keep saying, make it interesting. Who knows where the Cullens are living right now at this point, but there's crazy everywhere and they're vampires they're practically magnates for danger and chaos. Make something up. Family drama, vampire drama, whatever you need. Where are more of those OCs. And don't forget! We have all the covens and vampires from the battle in Breaking Dawn that we can draw on at ANY point in the show for extra vampires to make any of this interesting as well! Make. It. Make. Sense. How does Carlisle know everyone all the time??? Add spice, add interest, and make the Cullens well-connected in a way that makes sense!

Once we get through Jasper's origin story, we get how he and Alice met, which of course is that Alice saw him in a vision. Alice is such a fun character.

And what do they do in the interim 60 years until Bella? Um, not really sure, but we can find some filler or we can time skip. Not like we haven't been doing that anyway. I also have this vague idea that the whole first few seasons are vaguely a la How I Met Your Mother where they're always telling the story to Bella or Renesmee or someone anyway -- oooh telling the story to Ren would be cute actually... that has potential. Grandpa Cullen telling his granddaughter about how all the family got together. That's adorable, whether you like Renesmee as a character or not. Tell me I'm wrong... Anyway, so then maybe it's like, "So what about mom?" or something and we jump to the actual plot of the Twilight books.

But we don't just get the Twilight books, we get the full in-depth. We get the shifters in La Push full with Emily and Sam and Quil, Embry and Jake, and Paul and all the bois, we get the whole story from Bree Tanner on the side as that develops. We get random check-ins with the Denali clan, because that's relevant! We get Edward's perspective on things as well when he meets Bella and how he runs away to the Denali clan because he's dead lusting for her blood! We get complex feelings and all the arguments about it! We get Rosalie and Edward fighting because isn't she being hypocritical about Bella?

We get the Volturi and more drama from the throne room as they learn about the Cullens and their drama just like we have been following Volturi drama on and off all series long. We know the personalities of Caius and Marcus and their dynamic with Aro. We've already heard the origin story of Jane and Alec and we know how brutal the terror twins are. We get the Volturi women Sulpicia, Athenedora, Chelsea, Heidi, and Renata. Don't even get me started on Demitri and Felix and my headcanon of their epic friendship. So, yeah, Volturi stuff.

All of it comes to a head at the final battle in Breaking Dawn just like we know but with so much more meaning than ever before because of the rich history we have from seasons upon seasons of "The Cullens" or "Cullen" or whatever you end up calling this show. It's amazing, it's beautiful, we've laughed, we've cried, we've become a family over and over again and Carlisle has a family and this is his family and he is happy.

Will they make it like this? Probably freaking not, but this is my one request to the universe. Don't make a "Twilight" TV show. Make a "Cullen" TV show.

Please.

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

tbf, lxc is valid for noticing how one-sided is the wangxian dynamic and it's true that wwx didn't give an f about lwj in his first life... and except for some moments when he went "oh no, he's hot", lwj is the reason people ship them because that ship has no real basis on wwx's part...

In the end, it feels as if he falls for lwj only because he's literally the only one there for him. What's ironic is that he even ponders on how it used to be the other way around and he used to have jc by his side and lwj against him...

MXTX created a mess of a fandom because of all these mixed signals she gives so no wonder there are a lot of wwx / jc shippers. I mean, it's OBVIOUS that she didn't intend for jc to be a love interest at all... but she still made him "ex"-coded. The fact that he's the one wwx made a big sacrifice too for, and not lwj when, on the other hand, lwj sacrificed a couple of important things for a wwx that didn't care about him in their first life, and that won't get the same devotion in return is just. weird.

Well hello there, little troll.

This is certainly a bad/sad understanding of the entire point of Lan Xichen's angry rantings, as the audience was supposed to be exasperated on behalf of all involved due to each one only having their own perception of this entire situation and the ongoing theme on relying on self-biased thought and perception.

Just as Lan Xichen has only his own understanding of one-sided reciprocity(on Lan Wangji's behalf), Wei Wuxian was terrified of being the only one to have thought he was taking his feelings to an inappropriate level that was not reciprocated, mind on the heels and only hours after Jiang Cheng accused them of being more and mocking Wei Wuxian.

1:

In the time they’d been traveling together, he’d gotten the feeling Lan Wangji thought highly of him. That he thought of him differently than he once had. But at the end of the day, he didn’t dare guess how far that “highly” stretched, nor whether “differently” really was the kind of “different” he assumed.

Wei Wuxian had never considered confidence a bad thing and was often smug and frivolous as a result. The cultivation world had once gossiped that the Yiling Patriarch was the sort who frolicked among the peach blossoms, always surrounded by the sweet smell of their fragrant flowers. But in reality, he had never experienced this kind of flustered confusion before. In the past, he had thought Lan Wangji was an open book, but now he found him difficult to read. He was terrified that he was lost in this fantasy all alone; that all of this was only his own wishful thinking and that he was overly confident to presume

otherwise.

2:

Wei Wuxian could not believe that had just happened.

It seemed like a nightmare had intruded on his tender, enchanting dream—one that upended a basin of cold water directly over his head and chilled him to the bone, from head to toe. It was also like he’d been slapped hard across his face, so hard that his ears rang, his heart pounded, and his world spun. He couldn’t react for the longest time. It was with difficulty that he managed to open his mouth, but his voice was hoarse.

3:

One of his worst theories had just been confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt. Lan Wangji was indeed very nice to him, but…it was probably not the kind of nice he had been hoping for.

4:

Do not take it to heart?” Lan Wangji echoed again.

He’d initially thought he’d rather have Lan Wangji think him fickle and abominable than endure the awkwardness of knowing his feelings, which would surely make their friendship delicate going forward. But now, he regretted all the foolish things he had just blurted out without thinking.

"...Sorry,” he muttered under his breath.

5:

Wei Wuxian reached out and brushed a hand across two figures with puckered lips kissing on the wall, before trailing up to the words “Lan Wangji was here.” The sentence needed to be cleaned away, but before Wei Wuxian did so, he traced the strokes of Lan Wangji’s name with his fingertips.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

The more he traced them, the more he was loath to part.

6:

While leaving Lan Wangji behind and freely roaming the world alone did not seem an impossible thing to consider…

...a voice deep inside Wei Wuxian told him the clear truth: It was impossible.

The nonsense he’d spouted back at Golden Carp Tower had really come true. The Wei Wuxian of today could not do without Lan Wangji.

Wei Wuxian has only stopped trying to rationalize (comphet) and explain away their close relation as only being friendly, he knows very well his own advances can't be explained as being a joke any longer and, doesn't want them to be seen as such especially by his own self. He is terrified of Lan Wangji seeing this as either a cruel joke or Lan Wangji not feeling the same. He wants it to be reciprocated and always has.

And within the extras we see the blatant proof, while he may not understand he was in the midst of a crush, given he was fifteen and once more, he have Jiang Cheng being nasty, he much exhibited his fixation upon Lan Wangji by mentioning him within Lotus Pier and being happy to discuss him with Jiang Yanli without the excuse of wanting to just mess around with him.

1:

Jiang Yanli sat down between them. “Who are you two talking about?” she asked. “A friend you made at Gusu?”

"Yeah!” Wei Wuxian answered happily.

"You have the cheek to call yourself his ‘friend’?” Jiang Cheng said. “Ask Lan Wangji about that, see if he’s willing to accept you as one.”

"Screw off. If he doesn’t, I’ll just pester him—we’ll see if he caves.” Turning to Jiang Yanli, Wei Wuxian asked, “Shijie, do you know Lan Wangji?”

Yes,” Jiang Yanli said. “He’s the second young master of the Lan Clan, the one everyone says is very handsome and capable, right? Is he really very handsome?”

"Very!” Wei Wuxian gushed.

"Compared to you?” Jiang Yanli probed.

Wei Wuxian thought for a moment. “Perhaps just a tiny bit more handsome than me.”

He held two of his fingers a tiny distance apart to demonstrate. As Jiang Yanli collected the plates, she smiled.

"Then he must be really very handsome. It’s a good thing to make new friends. You guys can drop in on each other to have some fun in the future, when you have nothing to do.”

For the very next extra to make good on this, almost 20 years later and Wei Wuxian to admit he had always wanted Lan Wangji's attentions romantically and poking at Lan Wangji seemingly not sharing that interest, that was dispelled as soon as both were able to out their shared romantic love.

1:

He turned his head and said to Lan Wangji, “When I was at the Cloud Recesses way back then, I kept urging you to come visit Lotus Pier. I especially wanted you to come with me to steal lotus seed pods from him. Do you know why?”

When it came to Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji always answered every one of his questions and acquiesced to all his requests. And so, he answered him seriously, “I do not know. Why?”

Wei Wuxian winked at him and snickered. “Because that old man sure was something whenever he hit people with his boat-pole. It hurt way more than your family’s disciplinary ferule. I thought I just had to trick Lan Zhan into coming here and let him take a few beatings too.”

Lan Wangji smiled slightly at this. The cold glow of the moonlight on the lake melted at the sight.

In that instant, Wei Wuxian felt dizzy. A smile also unconsciously rippled its way onto his face.

"All right, I admit—” he began.

2:

Amid smiles and laughter, they grabbed hold of each other and embraced in the water before exchanging a kiss.

After their lips parted, Wei Wuxian raised his hand and continued their earlier topic of conversation. “I admit it, I was talking nonsense. I just wanted to hang out with you back then.”

Lan Wangji lifted him from behind, and Wei Wuxian clambered back onto the boat. He looked back and held out a hand to grab Lan Wangji.

“So tell me honestly, Lan Zhan.”

Lan Wangji got on the boat and handed him a red cord. “Of what?”

Wei Wuxian held the red cord with his mouth as he pulled back his hair, which had come loose in the water. “Tell me if you felt the same way,” he said solemnly. “You know, your callous rejection of me every single time I asked really made me lose face

back then.”

"You can try and see if I would deny you anything now,” Lan Wangji said.

The unexpected statement hit him right in the heart. Wei Wuxian choked for a moment, but Lan Wangji was still as composed as ever, like he didn’t fully grasp the weight of what he had just said.

Pressing his palm to his forehead, Wei Wuxian said, “You… Hanguang-jun, let’s agree that you’ll give me a heads-up before you say sweet nothings in the future. Otherwise, I won’t be able to take it.”

Lan Wangji nodded. “All right.”

"Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian said, “Oh, you…!”

Of all the millions of possible words, there was nothing left to say. There was only laughter and hugs.

As for Jiang Cheng, yes he is jealous, yes he is a homophobe, no there is no mixed signals from Wei Wuxian to anyone other than Lan Wangi. Me, unlike you, understand what logical comprehension is and can read what MXTX meant for her CP. Have fun with your salty Jiang Cheng/Chengxian fic ideas though, save that energy for that instead of bugging me.

[jessisnotnormal]

Chapter 4: Trust

Masterlist

<-Chapter 3

Jada was happy to spend the rest of the day poring over piles and piles of dusty old books that Gaius had managed to retrieve from Geoffrey. Gaius himself accompanied her from time to time in between visiting his patients, searching through the texts that were written in some old and arcane language that Jada had no hope of understanding. Merlin was out for most of the day working for Arthur, but he finally returned in the late afternoon.

            “Find anything yet?” he asked, drawing both Jada and Gaius out of their focused trances as he stepped through the door.

            “Nothing yet,” Jada replied, looking across at Gaius.

            “I’m afraid that travelling through time is a phenomenon that has rarely even been speculated about before, let alone actually studied and documented,” the physician sighed, closing his book in defeat and turning his attention to Jada. “Are you sure there are no more details that you can give us?”

            Jada shook her head. “No, sorry. I’ve told you everything I remember.”

            She wished Morgo hadn’t knocked her out; things would have been so much easier if she could have seen how he’d got her there.

            “No matter,” Gaius tried for a reassuring smile. “I’m sure something will come up eventually.”

            “For now,” Merlin began, calling their attention to him, “We should probably start walking to Gwen’s. She’ll have finished work by now, and we’ll want to be back by nightfall.”

            Jada nodded, rising from her seat and moving to stand by his side. “All right, then. Ready when you are.”

            The two of them headed out of the castle and into the evening together, with Merlin leading the way through the streets of Camelot. Jada couldn’t help but keep looking back over her shoulder at the castle as they walked, almost afraid it might disappear if they got too far away. Strange, she thought. She hadn’t expected to feel any sort of attachment to the place.

            Merlin was giving her odd looks each time she turned, and finally caught her eye long enough to send her a quizzical expression.

            “Sorry,” she laughed. “I just don’t think I’ll ever get used to this place. I mean, look at it!”

            She gestured dramatically back at the castle, all lit up with candles in the windows and braziers blazing in the courtyard.

            Merlin chuckled, shaking his head at her, but he turned to look back at the castle too. She thought she saw a hint of the same wonder she felt in his face, though it had been dimmed over time. She wondered if she’d be here long enough for her own amazement to fade so.

            They reached Gwen’s house in good time, and Merlin stepped forward to give a light knock on the door. It was answered by a man a few decades older than the two of them, who introduced himself as Tom, Gwen’s father, and invited them in with a friendly smile.

            They found Gwen setting up her supplies neatly on the table, and she greeted them just as warmly as her father had, getting to work almost immediately.

            “So do you know what type of dress you’ll be wanting?” Gwen asked Jada, measuring her outstretched arms.

            “Um, I don’t mind, really,” Jada replied. “Whatever’s easiest for you. I don’t want to take up too much of your time.”

            “Oh, it’s no problem. Really,” Gwen insisted. “We want to make you something you’ll look beautiful in, don’t we?” She suddenly blanched, her face turning red. “Not that you don’t look pretty now, I just meant-”

            Despite Gwen’s nerves, Jada was laughing. “It’s all right, I know what you meant. Although really, if you tilt your head just right and squint at me a little, I look pretty much like a boy.”

            “You don’t,” Gwen replied, but it had the effect Jada had intended, and Gwen couldn’t keep the smile off her face for long.

            Their gazes turned to Merlin then, who was squinting at her with his arms folded, his head tilted to one side.

            “Merlin!” Gwen scolded, mortified.

            Jada couldn’t help the giggle that burst from her then.

            “You see it, right?” she said to Merlin, but turned to Gwen before he could answer. “At least you’ll make me look like a pretty boy.”

            Gwen tried to hide her smile again as she crouched down to measure Jada’s legs. “I’ll do my best.”

            “So when do you think you’ll have this done by?” Not that she wanted to rush Gwen, it was just that Ubi’s clothes were already beginning to smell a little weird.

            “Maybe a few days,” Gwen replied, stepping back and jotting some numbers down. “You’ll have to come here to check the fittings, but after that they’re all yours.”

            “Great,” Jada grinned. “Thanks, Gwen.”

            “My pleasure. And it looks like we’re just about done.”

            Merlin pushed himself off the table where he’d been leaning, nodding to Jada before turning back to Gwen. “Thanks, Gwen. We really appreciate it.”

            “It’s no problem at all. I’m just glad I could help. I’ll let you know when everything’s finished.”

            Both Merlin and Jada nodded, heading towards the door as Gwen followed them. Tom bid them farewell as they passed, and they turned back to wave as they stepped out into the cool evening.

            “Oh, Jada?” Gwen called from the doorway.

            “Yeah?” Jada stopped, turning.

            Gwen smiled sweetly, her brown eyes warm. “Welcome to Camelot.”

            Jada thanked her, and Merlin gave one final wave before they headed off, back to the castle.

            By the time they returned to Gaius, night was falling. Gaius had made them dinner, even having the kindness to prepare a portion for Jada, and they sat around the table to eat it gladly.

            “It’s all right if Jada sleeps here for now, isn’t it, Gaius?” Merlin asked over his bowl.

            Gaius pondered the question for only a moment before answering. “I don’t see why not, just as long as it’s not my bed you’re intending to give away.”

            “No, no,” Merlin laughed. “I said she could have my bed.”

            “We agreed to take it in shifts,” Jada interjected, still feeling like she was taking advantage of poor Merlin.

            “All right, then. Are you going up now?” Gaius asked as Merlin pushed his empty bowl away.

            Jada thought it seemed pretty early to go to bed, but she supposed that there wasn’t much you could do without electricity after dark. Merlin looked to her for confirmation, before nodding.

            “Well, goodnight to you both, then,” Gaius said, rising from his seat and beginning to collect all the dishes together.

            Jada followed Merlin up the stairs to his room, but she had only just reached the doorway when he turned back to her nervously. “I… um… just give me one minute.”

            Though bewildered, she nodded, and in the next instant he was gone, shutting the door between them. She heard what sounded like wardrobes opening and closing, drawers sliding themselves shut, and his footsteps hurrying back and forth, and then he was back, looking slightly flustered but holding the door open wide for her now with a smile.

            “Sorry.” He gestured for her to enter. “You can come in now.”

            “Thanks,” Jada laughed, stepping inside and looking around the place.

            It wasn’t a particularly flashy room by any stretch of the imagination, but it was sort of… cute, in its own way. Quaint, almost. There was a simple bed in the middle of the room with a few thin blankets thrown across it; a desk in the corner with some odds and ends on; a plain bedside table; and a small wardrobe still with the end of a sleeve sticking out between the doors. Merlin hastily stuffed it back inside on his way past.

            “Sorry about the boxes,” he said. “They’ve been there since before I moved in.”

            She noticed now the pile of crates stacked precariously in the corner. Maybe Gaius had used this as some sort of storage before Merlin arrived.

            “The bed’s all yours tonight,” he said, “So make yourself comfortable.”

            Jada moved to sit on the bed, which was honestly a little harder than she would have liked, but when she looked back over to Merlin spreading a blanket out on the wooden floor she felt a little guilty.

            “Are you sure you don’t mind me sleeping here?” she asked.

            He looked up at her with a kind smile. “It’s fine, really. I’ll let you sleep here on the floor, tomorrow.”

            “Thank you, Merlin,” she said sincerely. “For everything you’ve done. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

            “It’s nothing, really.”

            He laughed shyly, and Jada thought she could see a hint of pink in his cheeks. Then he stood again, eyes more serious. “I’ve just got to run out and take care of one last thing. Will you be all right here?”

            “I think I can manage by myself for a little while,” she laughed. “Do you know how long you’ll be?”

            He shrugged. “I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t bother waiting up for me. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

            Her smile grew as she nodded. “Sure, see you in the morning. Night, Merlin.”

            She hadn’t meant to stay awake as long as she did. In truth, she hadn’t meant to stay awake long at all. She’d lain down, a little miserable at having no other clothes to change into to escape Ubi’s rotten rags, and then all of a sudden she was thinking about how much she missed her home. She wanted clean pyjamas, central heating, and toothpaste. She wanted a hot shower, and Jim’s cooking, and Izzy’s hugs. She wanted Emily; she wanted to hold her little body in her arms and never have to let go again. She wanted to hear her babble in the morning, or even just to hear her soft breathing in the room with her as she fell asleep.

            Instead, all she got was silence.

            She didn’t realise she’d been crying until she heard footsteps on the stairs, and then she did her best to silence her already quiet gasps. She heard Merlin open the door, and was glad her back was to him as he crept across the room towards his makeshift bed.

            He stopped before he reached it, however, his quiet footfalls hesitating. “Jada?”

            She would have pretended to be asleep, would have ignored him in the hope that he’d just let her be, but there was something off about his voice. His question had been just a murmur, but his voice had seemed harder somehow, more tense, and it made her turn to look at him without another thought.

            They both studied each other for a quiet second, both asking “What’s wrong?” in almost the same instant, but only Jada gave a watery laugh at the mirroring. Merlin looked tense, guarded even, his eyes shifting uneasily.

            “You’re crying,” he pointed out, nodding towards her tear-stained face.

            “It’s nothing.” She tried for a smile. “I’m just a bit homesick.”

            He nodded, arms remaining stiffly at his sides, so Jada nodded towards him. “What about you? Has something happened?”

            “No,” he replied. “I’m fine. Goodnight.”

            Without a pause, he got down under his blanket, turning his back to her.

            Jada watched him for a moment before letting out a sigh. She wondered about the boy inside the walls, hidden underneath all the secrets.

            “It must get lonely.”

            She hadn’t exactly meant to speak her thoughts out loud, but she thought she saw the slightest turn of Merlin’s head.

            “Sorry. I didn’t mean it as, like, an accusation or anything. It’s just, well…” She stuttered, but had no clue what to say to ease the situation. “I guess I just thought I might know the feeling. Sorry.”

            She lay back down, hardly expecting any more to come of it than perhaps a very awkward morning tomorrow, but after a few minutes Merlin spoke again in a quiet voice.

            “Tell me about your home.”

            Jada gave a soft smile, though he couldn’t see it. “What do you want to know?”

            “I don’t know. What’s it like?”

            “It’s…” she hesitated, looking for a place to start. “It’s bigger than we can afford, for one thing." She laughed fondly, shaking her head. “It’s got three bedrooms, and Emily has to share with me because there’s no room for her anywhere else.”

            “Emily?”

            Her smile was sadder now. “My daughter.”

            “Oh. How old is she?”

            “She just turned one last week. Although you’re supposed to use, like, a ‘corrected’ age because she was born four months premature, and it takes them a while to catch up. So, for that she’s almost nine months.”

            There was silence for a little while. Then, “How old are you?”

            “Twenty-one.”

            “Oh.”

            More silence. She was beginning to think he’d fallen asleep, when he said, “I’m sorry you’re stuck here.”

            Jada tried to ignore the pang of despair in her chest. “It’s not like it’s your fault. In fact, without your help I’d probably be sleeping somewhere on the streets right about now.”

            “Mhm.” It was a short sound, certainly not bashful like he had been earlier, and it made her wonder if she was getting closer to whatever had caused him to act like this.

            “Y’know, if you wanted to talk about anything, I wouldn’t mind,” she tried. “In fact, I’d be happy to help. And it’s not like I have anybody I could tell, is it?”

            “How do I know that?” This time his voice was so quiet she wasn’t sure he’d intended to say it out loud, let alone have her hear it. He immediately fell silent again, as if bracing for her response.

            Was that the crux of it, then? He didn’t trust her? Did he think she was some sort of spy? But who would she even be working for?

            “Merlin?” she said softly, and after a moment he turned just enough to look at her. “Who would I tell?”

            His eyes darted away, though his jaw remained locked and his features hard.

            Jada sat up, leaning forward subconsciously as a different realisation slowly dawned. “Wait a minute; people don’t normally assume someone is spying on them unless they have someone they think might send a spy. Who would want to spy on you?”

            It couldn’t have been Uther, surely; if the King suspected Merlin of any crimes he would have been arrested the second he’d shown her his magic. At least, if she really had been a spy. So that meant that there was someone else, someone that wanted to hurt Merlin somehow for something she didn’t understand.

            Merlin had sat up himself in response to her sudden movement, looking almost as though he were bracing for an attack. “No-one. It doesn’t matter. Just leave it, okay?”

            Jada slowed, trying to make herself seem as unthreatening as possible. She held her hands up in what she hoped was a reassuring gesture, but she couldn’t just leave the issue there.

            “Somebody wants to hurt you.” She made her voice soft again, though it wasn’t quite a question or a statement. This realisation made her feel… sad. Sad that he had to live life constantly on guard; sad that he had to question every passing person’s motives; sad that he felt he had to shut himself off from the world or get himself hurt. Sad, and angry. Because he was just a kid—eighteen!—and somebody wanted to hurt him.

            “Who?” Her voice had a sharper edge to it than she had intended, and she saw surprise pass over Merlin’s face, then confusion. She softened. “You think I want to hurt you?”

            He didn’t reply, so she flicked her feet out from under the blanket and crossed the room to sit down by his feet. “I don’t want to hurt you, Merlin. Believe me, it’s the last thing I want.”

            He studied her face for a while, his own still painted with confusion. “Then, I don’t understand,” he said at length. “What do you want?”

            She almost wanted to cry again, then. This poor boy, she thought to herself. “I want to go home. I guess that’s my primary objective.” She gave a short laugh. “And, right in this moment, I’d like to find out whoever it is that wants to hurt you and go ask them who the fuck they think they are. And maybe kick their ass.”

            He actually laughed then, and the sound made Jada feel less heavy. “That could be interesting.” His face fell. “No, actually, that would be incredibly dangerous.”

            Jada snorted. “Oh, please. I’ll have you know I did a whole three months of taekwondo.”

            “You know I have no idea what that is, right?”

            “Self-defence. Basically fighting.”

            “Right. Either way, it wouldn’t do much good, not against Nim-” He caught himself at the last second, eyeing Jada nervously. “Uh, I mean-”

            “Nim?” Jada repeated. She skimmed back through the legends, but she couldn’t think of any notable character called Nim. There was Madam Mim, from The Sword in the Stone…

            Merlin sighed, finally defeated. “Nimueh.”

            Nimueh. She knew that name. But that didn’t make any sense.

            “I don’t understand, I thought you and Nimueh were supposed to be… you know…” She made a few vague motions, but at Merlin’s clueless expression, she gave up. “All romantic, and stuff.”

            The surprise hit him first, quickly followed by disgust. “What? No! She tried to kill me!”

            Okay, Jada thought, Nimueh=bad. It seemed there really wasn’t much the legends had gotten right. Then her brain caught up properly with what Merlin had said. “Wait, she tried to kill you? When?”

            Another sigh of defeat. “A few days ago. She poisoned me.”

            “What? Why?”

            After studying her for a moment, Merlin at last gave up his tale. He told her about the plague that had swept through Camelot, about how Gaius had discovered that it stemmed from the water, and how they’d found the afanc—some monstrous, magical creature—in the city’s well. He told her how Gwen had been blamed for conjuring the plague after her father miraculously recovered from it, and even admitted that he had been the one responsible for curing Tom. He told her how he, Arthur, and Morgana had headed down and defeated the afanc, and how Uther had freed Gwen once Gaius had discovered Nimueh’s hand behind the pestilence.

            His tale then turned to Nimueh’s revenge. Somehow, she’d known exactly who had defeated her afanc, and had managed to sneak a poison goblet into a feast. Merlin had ended up drinking the poisoned wine instead of Arthur, but it was Arthur who had ridden out against his father’s orders to find the antidote. He’d found Nimueh on his journey, and she’d tricked and almost killed Arthur, too, but the Prince had prevailed, and Merlin had recovered once the antidote had been administered.

            “So you’ve been waiting for her to try again since then?” Jada guessed.

            It was late now that Merlin had finished explaining, and truthfully her butt was going numb from sitting for so long on the floor, but she didn’t dare move for fear of losing this new openness again.

            Merlin nodded.

            “And you thought that that was what I was going to do? Kill you for her?”

            He shrugged, not meeting her gaze.

            “Can I ask why you thought I was working for her?”

            “I thought…” He shifted, leaning forward a little. “I started to think that maybe the whole time-travelling thing was a lie. Nimueh seems to have some knowledge of the future, so that could have explained your ability to talk about that. Then, you mentioned a ritual, though you’ve never said what it is or what it’s for. That sounds like something from the Old Religion, and Nimueh’s a High Priestess. Then…”

            He sighed again. “I don’t know. I just got this feeling that I shouldn’t trust you. But it’s been wrong before…”

            “What do you think now?”

            She turned her face up to him, keeping her expression open. His gaze searched hers, and in that instant she felt as though he was looking right through her exterior; down, down into the very core of her. It wasn’t exactly an unpleasant feeling, she noticed, it was just… intense.

            “I want to trust you,” he admitted, frowning a little.

            Jada felt the corner of her mouth quirk upwards. “What, don’t you know any truth spells?”

            She’d meant it as a joke, but she saw Merlin’s face change as he considered it. “I don’t- I don’t even know if there are any…”

            Suddenly, he hopped to his feet, hurrying over to stand beside his bed. “Um, could you… not look for a minute?”

            Jada didn’t have a clue what was going on, but in an effort to seem trustworthy, she shut her eyes and covered them with her hands. She heard some sort of wooden creak, something being set down on the floor, and some shuffling.

            “Okay, you can open your eyes, now.” He was sat on the bed, a thick, arcane-looking book in his lap, and was already flicking through the pages.

            Jada moved to sit beside him. “You’re going to tell me that’s a magic book now, aren’t you?”

            He sent her a crooked grin, though hardly turned his attention from the pages before him. They looked to Jada completely unreadable at first, written in an ancient language as they were, but as she watched the flipping pages more closely she thought it seemed oddly familiar. It took her a few minutes to place it, but finally she recalled studying Beowulf in her English Literature class, and concluded that it was probably Old English. Maybe it wasn’t so ancient after all—for Merlin’s time, anyway.

            He was eyeing her curiously now, in between page turnings. “If I found a truth spell, would you really let me use it on you?”

            Jada shrugged. “I don’t see why not. As long as you promise not to ask me anything embarrassing.”

            He laughed. “Like what?”

            Jada laughed, too. “I don’t know. I’m not giving you any ideas, though.”

            They were silent again for a few minutes, save for the sound of the pages turning. Then, it was Jada who broke it. “You’re very interesting, do you know that?”

            He gave her a sideways glance, though she thought he seemed a little flustered again. “I’m really not.”

            “I think you are. You’re the most interesting person I’ve met here, anyway. Although, come to think of it, I’ve only met, like, six people.”

            She hoped that Merlin’s laughter would become a more regular sound from now on. Jada vowed then that if she really had to stick around, she was going to do everything she could to make this mood more common than his earlier one. Nobody should have to feel so alone, and she was going to do her very best to prove herself trustworthy so that he didn’t have to be.

Chapter 5 ->

[the-knights-of-the-nerds-table]

CHAPTER 4 - Long talks and sad tales

Before their departure, Eagan made sure to brief his companions thoroughly. He had a friend as a bargeman that could help them traverse the seas to Draulasla. They should look for a shapeshifter by the name of Kehsi Elmara. At this, Lyber protested with all his might, telling Eagan that if he knew this shifter, Eagan should go instead of him, but the soldier retaliated. 

“I understand your concerns, but I am needed here, to look after the organisation. There are bigger things at stake, Lyber. Much bigger than you and me.” Eagan paused, a look of distress enveloping his face. “This journey is a trivial matter compared with what will happen if our goals are achieved. Please, this once, do this for me as a favour.” 

Lyber thought of what could happen after they retrieved the Book of Essence. Everything would flourish, no more war, no more malice in the world, the foes that have preyed upon the land will vanish. Lyber lets himself hope, and he hopes for his loved ones to return. He hopes for Eiura to return. Or if maybe the gods above will not let her escape from the cold grasp of death, at least leave a part of her still present into this realm. 

The constant nagging of his friend slightly brought him back to reality; he was suddenly reminded of his mother when he was but a child, always worrying he would get lost in the woods or the market, always saying he was a fragile little boy and that he was supposed to be accompanied by someone strong, someone like Eagan. They were inseparable as children, all throughout the years, even when they trained to be soldiers in the Royal Guard of Basineth. But then Lyber ran away. For love he made so many sacrifices, and yet he was robbed even of taking his last breath alongside her. Not to worry, they might find a way to bring her back yet. 

Lyber straightened his back and started to properly pay attention to Eagan’s instructions. He was telling them to pack light, and Bernemdin assured the soldiers that there was no need to bring much money, because he would supply the food. Lyber wasn’t sure if he was supposed to trust the dwarf yet. 

They have only met a few days ago and now they are embarking on an adventure to bring back the most precious artefact on this earth that may or may not snuff them out of existence if it fell in the wrong hands. And yet, he was secretly looking forward to leaving. It has been a while since he was able to travel. 

“Now, I have devised a map to where you should meet up with Kehsi. I have sent them a letter telling them of our plan and intentions, it should reach by nightfall. In a week’s time I believe that you will reach the port. And hopefully no one will ask nor inquire in your matters. Travelling to Draulasla may be legal, but it is slightly frowned upon. I’ll leave you the map now so I won’t worry about it,” he said as he handed the parchment to Lyber. Bernemdin nodded along to the soldier.

 “Tomorrow at the first light we shall meet here, Brimstone will give you all the documents to show that your journey was approved by the King,I will inquire about them today,” said Eagan as he nodded towards a skinny boy that watched them intently from his chair in the corner. “As for now, go have a drink, end your night with laughter and music, who knows when you’ll be able to see a good meal again.”

“You make it sound like we will die out there,” spat Lyber, and his friend only smiled sheepishly. Eagan patted the man on the back and left the sewers, and then, to the soldier’s surprise, Bernemdin turned and chuckled at him. Lyber asked what had happened, and with a content sigh the dwarf started to look for where Eagan had left. 

“He is right, ye know? Yer more tense than diamonds trapped in coal. C’mon, let me treat you for dinner. We might as well get to know each other, lad.” The soldier didn’t answer, and just took the lead into the sewers.

After scouring the tunnels for some time, Lyber led the dwarf to an exit right behind a tavern. The alehouse was connected to a market that at night turned into a little carnival for everyone to enjoy. A pale yellowing sign hung above the door, depicting a raven with a ruby keeping place of one of his eyes, which could be read in crude writing “The One Eyed Raven.” How ironic, the thought that he was about to leave on a very dangerous mission to find a human sized raven made Lyber chuckle. 

People were bustling around trying to get by, and with a little bit of effort they finally entered the tavern. Raucous laughter bounced between the walls, the smell of hard liquor and hot food hitting them both as they made their way to a table in the corner. 

One of the servers, a young, shy girl took their order and so the man and the dwarf were sitting in silence. Lyber had already heard Bernemdin’s ‘story’, and from the looks of it, the dwarf was expecting him to say something. As he scoured his mind for topics of conversation, maybe the weather, or how they fought the harpy together, he heard his companion sigh that same not-really-dissapointed-but-still-concerned sigh again. 

“You, my friend, are not v’ry good with words are ye?” chuckled Bernemdin.

“I could say the same, your accent is slipping from time to time. May I ask why?” retaliated the soldier.

“Aye, back in Garsindek we all speak common and dwarvish, but our accents sometimes blend together. I’ve tried to get rid of it best I can. Still slips out though, when I’m really happy or scared.”

Bernemdin looks a little sorrowful at this, and Lyber, curious enough, pries further. 

“If you don’t mind my inquiry, do you have a bad relationship with your homeland?”

“Not really, just me family. I come from a long line of miners, proud dwarves that revel in their work. My great-grandfather opened our mine and found rare stones after only a few hundred metres, and we struck rich. When it came for me to carry the legacy and work in the mines, I refused.”

The shy girl came back with two big pins of beer. She rested them on the table as Bernemdin smiled warmly to her and nodded softly as a ‘thank you’.

“I’ve always liked the surface more than the underground, always wanted to take up gardening, and so I did. We lived in a mountain, the very heart of it, and one day I found a crack in the stone wall that led outside. Grew my garden near, and closed off the entrance with a boulder half me size. When they found out they destroyed me first pumpkin patch, along with the entire garden. I became an outcast and so I left. Only me mother took pity on me... She moved to Ordiff a while ago, after this mission o’ yers I’d like to visit her.” A small smile appeared on Bernemdin’s face as he remembered his mother, and the tender childhood memories that he casted away far back in his mind. 

His eyes watered in the corners, but with a sniff he took his pint and drank half of the ale inside. 

“Ah, good ale! Now, I told ye me whole sob story. What about ye, lad? All I might know is that yer missus died a while ago. I’m real sorry to hear.” Lyber looked tentatively in the dwarfs' eyes. He could only detect sincerity in all he said until now. He wasn’t going to tell him everything about his life, but he felt guilty not to share a tale as well. 

Lyber told Bernemdin of his friendship with Eagan as children, and of the time he spent with Eiura. How they met, how they were a perfect match, where they ran away and how she died. He measured his words with care, not wanting to share details of his privacy. 

As they talked and drank, the tavern started to empty, customers drunkenly stumbling around, some forgetting to pay, some leaving ‘to get more’ and never appearing again. The barkeep that seemed to manage the tavern eyed Lyber for a while, and his cold stare reminded the soldier of the eyes of the dead. He asked Bernemdin if he wanted to leave, and after they both finished their ale, they started to prepare to leave. 

Suddenly, as he pat his pockets, Lyber realised he left his pouch with coins in the sewers, and that the only thing that filled his pockets was the stupid map that Eagan left him. He looked at Bernemdin and told him he didn’t have money right now, but he will pay him back as soon as tomorrow. 

The dwarf let out a loud, almost piercing laugh. “Worry not lad! I’ll pay, after all I decided to treat ye so don’t worry about it. Here, I have some gems left. Mammy sends a few once every few months, so we’ll be fine.”

At the word ‘gems’, Lyber caught the glimpse of a tiefling girl with sharply pointed ears standing up straight. She moved slowly in her chair to eye the room, and determine from where she heard the sound of ‘slightly rich‘, but as soon as she turned she met Lyber’s sharp gaze. She moved back, left two silver coins on the table, pulled her brown hood over her dark horns and left. 

Thieves, thought Lyber. He thanked Bernemdin and waited at the table as his companion went to the dead eyed barkeep to leave him what they owed. As he strode back, not really walking straight, Bernemdin beamed at the soldier. ”Listen son, would ye mind if we go through the carnival? They still have some shops open from the daytime market and I’d like to take a look.”

Lyber was in a rather good mood after this outing, and so he decided to entertain the dwarf a little bit more. “One last thing to end the night, I suppose. Why not? Let us go.” 

[diivineray]

Okay I’ve chilled cuz now I’m thinking about xie lian in book 4/5 and DONT READ if you don’t wanna get spoiled

But like the way these two contrast each other so deeply still pains me to this day.

And the way I see and understand both sides.

Especially after you’ve seen everything Xie Lian and Jun Wu went through all to help people. And they were ungrateful. Seriously, the ppl were ungrateful little fucks.

They wanted instant gratification. Sure, fear of what would happen to them causes panic and lack of faith, but ultimately the ppl really are the problem.

One mental image I always have is how Xie Lian was using so much of his power and strength to keep that statue from falling and crushing the people beneath him. It’s not logical to expect ppl to remain calm and faces are popping up on their bodies sURE but it’s the way they screamed and cried and pulled on Xie Lian who needed concentration to be able to IDK keep them fucking alive ?? And it’s a scene that regularly pisses me off because at that moment no one was thinking ‘he’s working so hard to save us’ they wanted a solution right then and now. And again that is fair. It’s a hectic situation.

Jun Wu spending years constructing that bridge and ppl couldn’t wait. It was taking too long. They started putting their faith in other people. I’m sorry but that would be piss me off too. And the fact that their lost faith results in his weakened strength, and the moment the volcano hit and everyone suddenly starts rushing forward to be saved, with Jun Wu’s already weakened state, no one was putting faith in him in that moment. Cuz if they had, his power likely would have gotten stronger. They were only thinking of themselves and saving themselves. Naturally the bridge would break. Not only did the people lose faith in their God but their God lost faith in them.

But all I could think about is how, even in life we try and try and try to help people and often times that help gets thrown back in our faces. Xie Lian made countless sacrifices for people and it still wasn’t enough. He practically gave his body to them to stab and mutilate and it still wasn’t enough.

Because he failed, because Jun Wu failed, something that was really the people’s fault they started to be hated. Looked down on. Their temples burned and destroyed. Statues broken and ruined.

They both wanted to do good, both thought they had what it took and both flew way too close to the sun.

The reality is, you can only do so much. There is a reason God, in Christianity does not intervene. At least in my own view, one it’s just how life is. People live and people die. You can’t save everyone. And if you could, I think the balance would be thrown off. There’s a reason in time travel that bringing back the dead, changing time to bring someone back alters and messes up things.

Humans are imperfect beings. They are going to make mistakes, they are going to be selfish and cruel, and they are gonna suck. But that’s also where they are kind of great too.

The world is not black and white. Mistakes happen, but they can be fixed. And that’s the big difference with xie lian and Jun Wu. What xie lian and Jun Wu couldn’t.

Not even Gods are perfect. Hell, most of them are meant to be seen as such as a way to show humans how NOT to be.

This is also what happens when you’re placed on a pedestal. When you overplay your own hand, when you take on more than you can chew. When you don’t ask for help. When you think because you have power you can do anything. It was a humbling experience for Xie Lian.

Xie Lian had to fall, and live as the very people he was trying to save.

And why I love this book so much is that it could have went the easy route and he could have kept that determination he had in the beginning but instead we see him spiral. We see him lose faith. We see him give into temptation, do some bad things and ultimately almost act out in revenge.

And I will always love the scene where he meets the old man in the rain because that too could have been brushed off so easily.

Xie Lian was waiting for a reason to NOT unleash the plague. He laid in that crater of his, and when that old man tripped over him and spilled his rice he was rightfully upset. Cuz sir what are you doing here just laying in the middle of people’s way?

And the old man got upset with him. And xie Lian already in his head was like ‘I guess there isn’t a good person left’ like he just saw it as ‘they don’t care no one cares’ when firstly he was going about it all the wrong way.

But when that old man started talking to him after they bickered with each other, he gave xie lian that hat. And showed xie lian yes, ppl aren’t perfect but they aren’t all that bad. He had to have a GENUINE interaction with someone to see it.

That person had to be mean first, had to act accordingly, be human for xie lian to see why that meant something. He literally picked xie lian up and told him to try again and not lay in the middle of the road you silly

And that was what he needed to hear. Just ONE person. He didn’t need the world to look at him, he just needed one. And that’s where Hua Cheng’s love comes in after those 800 years.

Jun Wu, didn’t get that. He had Mei Nianqing but after he found out the truth he ran away so naturally Jun Wu is going to take that as abandonment. Which he later uses to show Xie Lian that friends don’t stay. Family leaves. No one ever stays.

And the fact that he had to manipulate things in order to make Feng Xin cuz THAT BOY WOULD NOT HAVE OTHERWISE AND I STAND THAT.

to prove to xie Lian, look see?? Even your most loyal bodyguard doesn’t want to be around you. Isolation.

But just GAH. I’m about to read tgcf cuz now I’m in my feels and ugh i love this series so much 😭😭

[reviewsbyliam]

“THE PRELUDE: ACT OF RECLAMATION” A LIVE SHOW BY OSÉ [SOLD OUT]

Headline Show Review - 09/12/2023

[Pictured below; Osé and band]

[Photographer: @bygideooon_ on Instagram]

————————————————————————————-

*DISCLAIMER* All photos and videos from this event are over on @reviewsbyliam on Instagram. Please head there after reading this article to witness the greatness that we did. Thank you and enjoy reading!

————————————————————————————-

I arrived in London on the 29th of November, suitcase in hand, 5 hour coach journey behind me and a now 45 minute Uber journey to Deptford. My boyfriend met me at the coach station, we spent the first evening just settling into the area, getting some food and having a few beverages (as you do), and then some well earned sleep after both travelling from separate parts of the UK.

Experiencing a day of being a tourist in London the next day was bewildering - I wanna live there now.. I'm definitely made for the big busy city life. We headed back to the hotel, and got ready to make our travels towards one of my long time internet friends first ever SOLD OUT DEBUT HEADLINE SHOW!!

The emotions were at an all time high, before we get into it though..

Here's a little backstory..

I've known Osé for 3/4 years now, first meeting on Twitter (now X) and forming a mutual connection through Ariana Grande and our overall love for music. I always knew that Osé loved to sing, I also knew that one day, he'd be on a stage somewhere giving it his all performing his music and not looking back - little did I know how real that thought would actually become.

Shortly after debuting this blog, Osé called me and told me the tear flowing news that was him booking his first ever headline show to debut his first new project. We screamed, laughed, I cried for him because I was so elated with pride, and then he asked me if I would join him in London, interview him as well as review his show, and help write the description for his event. I must've asked him several times if he was joking, following up with a loud !!YES!! and getting to planning..

Fast forward to the night of the show..

Entering the venue and the thought of not knowing what I was about to hear from Osé was anxiety inducing but extremely exciting nonetheless. I'd heard the music from his project prior to the show as he wanted me to be able to catch a feel of what was to come to help my own personal work, which was such a beautiful gesture. So I kind of knew the sounds of the night, but chose to not listen to them like they were the last songs on Earth so I could re-experience my first listen.

On stage before Osé was another uprising artist called Josh Pace, who was a very good musician to have before the main act as he drew the crowd in and the vocals were so raw. His bass tones were unreal.

After listening to Josh melt our ears, we mingled for a little while, grabbed a couple of drinks to calm the nerves, and then realised it was time..

I knew that when Osé took to the stage, it was going to become HIS world. We weren't here for us, we were here to witness a spectacle that can only be described as out of this universe.

Opening the show with an interlude describing who Osé is, some words being uplifting, some words describing Osé in a more vulnerable, judgmental light.. it was very honest and intriguing. The interlude interpreted that many people have things to say about Osé and his character, including himself, but nobody really knows the true him - hence the reclamation of his story.

Osé walks on stage, the room is flooded with screams, claps, hoots and hollers, he smiles and tries to take in the reception he has just received (which was extremely deserving) and starts to sing one of the most ICONIC songs of all time; Creep by Radiohead.

The raw power that exonerated from Osé’s vocal box was like watching a superhero find their power for the first time. The moment he opened his mouth, he was unstoppable, it was Osé’s time.

I just knew he was about to SMACK us in the jaw with this show after blowing us away with his rendition of Creep and my heart was racing, my knees were weak and I had a dry mouth. I was SO nervous for Osé, but one thing I noticed, Osé wasn’t nervous, because he was home.

Osé started singing his songs from his project, including one song that had a very personal meaning which Osé spoke to us about before he performed, allowing us to see that artists we listen to, admire and idolize are struggling with personal battles just like us. I wont be revealing the track names, because the project is still under review by Osé himself and this night was just about getting a feel for whats to come. But when the project is birthed, you'll see. The night was all about the people closest to Osé finding out why this project is in the works and how he is choosing to utilize it to expand his character and knowledge of the world, which in my eyes is a very safe choice to make as an upcoming artist because for you to do well, you have to make sure your work is cohesive and relatable, and that is what Osé's project embodies, truly.

The raw talent that exudes from Osé, whether its through speaking, writing, singing, anything - it is a talent to be acknowledged and afraid of. Osé's vocals were so strong, and the evidence of his ability to explore across genres is even stronger. We went from sad, to funk, to healing, to rocking out. Not to forget that the band which accompanied him on stage were well into their element also. The guy on the drums? I could've watched him go crazy for hours. And don't even get me started on the saxophone, we will be here for eternity.

Stage presence is a HUGE factor into an artists success, because nobody wants to see an artist just stand there on stage like a bowling pin and sing into a mic and then wave and walk off. Thank the Lord that wasn't the case for Osé. He walked onto that stage, announced himself, and just let his inhibitions go. When the crowd hyped him, it was like the funk spirit had taken over his soul and he just threw his hips like there was no tomorrow. He laughed, he jumped, he clapped, he cried but he also joked with the crowd and made it the most safest space I've ever had the pleasure of being in.

At the end of the night, Osé thanked everyone for attending his first sold out headline show, and had to halt a few tears (so did I, many times). I have never heard a room erupt into screams, whistles, chants, you name it, so loudly before. I was watching Osé on stage just taking in the love that he so righteously deserved, which made it a full circle moment for everyone involved. The gratitude displayed was immense and he truly and authentically cracked the egg of success and stepped into the rest of his life as a vocal powerhouse that night.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Raw vocals, warming stage presence, immaculate band and organisation. Venue was cozy and made the vibe so much more intimate than it already was. Location was easy to find.

OVERALL REVIEW OF THE NIGHT: OUT OF THIS WORLD!!!!!!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------

If you're wondering whether to give Osé a chance when he next does a show, wonder no more because I'm here to tell you that it would be one of the biggest regrets of your life if you didn't attend a show of his or at least take a dive into his socials and hear the heaven that leaves his mouth when he sings. I have an upcoming interview to be released with Osé, and we discuss his early life, career, fears, and so SO much more. We dive into topics about the night too, and just have a good old catch up about how much Osé's life has changed since his sold out headline show. Keep an eye on my Instagram page for more details surrounding the release of that!

----------------------------------------------------------------

A message to Osé: Thank you for coming into my life and showing me that being creative is okay, it's okay to be vulnerable and show it in your work, it's okay to struggle and share that with people because we are all human and deserve peace. I will be forever thankful for the opportunities you graced upon me surrounding this event and I will forever be in debt to you. You are one of the most intelligent humans I've come across, and watching you blossom as an artist and a friend is a blessing that I will never let go. Never give up on who you dream to be, because the ability that you hold within yourself to make that happen is a lot more stronger than you'll ever know. I love you and I'm forever proud of you! L x

----------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for reading! Photos and Videos from

“THE PRELUDE: ACT OF RECLAMATION” LIVE SHOW BY OSÈ

will be posted to my Instagram @reviewsbyliam !

Head over there and check them out!

----------------------------------------------------------------

Written by Liam Wibberley

09/12/2023

LW

[cilil]

4, 14, and 26 for the writer asks, please & thank you! Hope you have a great week!

Thanks for the ask! I'm not looking forward to this week, I must admit, since I find traveling incredibly stressful and am not very interested in the place I'll be seeing either... ugh, don't ask me why I agreed to it in the first place x) (must have been some weird bout of "it will do you good to go outside!")

Anyway -

4: a story idea you haven’t written yet

Oh dear, I have entire documents filled with those. Let me just pick one, maybe one I haven't talked about too much before...

Alright, this idea might not be popular with certain people, but I don't care so here goes: Exploring Melkor's time in Valinor post-captivity. There are some interesting tidbits to expand on, like how he got interested in certain people, how he learned their languages (because yes, speaking languages and verbally communicating is not the default for Ainur), how his relationship with certain people might be more complicated and nuanced and, most fascinating in my opinion, if he maybe at times enjoyed... maybe not helping others but sharing his knowledge and teaching and creating as he (by design) should have been doing this whole time; also drawing a parallel to the "Annatar in Eregion" arc.

I feel compelled to stress that I have no interest in constructing a "my poor (but clearly evil) blorbo did nothing wrong and it was everyone else's fault" narrative - after all where's the fun in it for me if I don't write about Melkor being delightfully evil, messing with everyone, getting into petty fights and ruining lives? No, I just think that it could be fun to explore this time period with a bit of nuance and some shades of grey, show that there was indeed a genuine path of redemption and make his decision to stick to his evil ways out of sheer pride and pettiness even more devastating.

14: where do you get your inspiration?

Simply put: Everywhere. Everything can be inspiration. Be it a book I read, a show or movie I watch, a game I play, music I listen to, a picture I find, something I see in real life, something somebody tells me about, an idea somebody shares with me... add the power of shower thoughts and you have yourself a perfect storm. It's as if plot bunnies are waiting to jump me at every corner.

26: are you able to write with other people around?

Yes, but it's not exactly ideal. If I'm, say, in public, for example in a waiting room where nobody is paying attention to me or trying to interact with me, I can write just fine. If I'm in a more private setting where people know me and are at least passively aware of my presence, I might feel more compelled to keep an eye on them instead, also because it's more likely that they'll try to interact with me at some point. Plus I'm not trying to be rude ;)

It also depends on my mood. On some days I can look people who give me angry stares for being on my phone dead in the eye while writing straight up smut, on other days I can barely write a light gen piece if another person is just near me.

[charmcoindied]

ok movie over i gave it 4 stars on letterboxd which i don't even know if i necessarily agree with but i'm standing by it honestly. don't look under the cut if u have no emotional attachment to this film (it's long)

i think it holds up but it makes me Pissed off about the way steves story ends in endgame with him time traveling back to the past or whatever because his whole fucking arc in this movie and in the mcu as a whole because it does play out over multiple films but his ENTIRE DEAL is learning to not live in the past and be in the present. you can't go back you have to keep marching forward. and like fucking obviously he would want to go back and be with peggy DURING catws but has he really gone through no growth/development at all through the next like ten years or whatever that would give him an emotional attachment to the present day??? like obviously he feels uncomfortable in the present day and has attachments to the past bc that's when he grew up when he became who he is to some extent but like. he's doing his homework. he's trying to catch up. he's listening to marvin gaye with sam in a hospital room are we really just going to magic him back to the past and have him leave behind who he is and what he's built in the present?? FOR WHAT REASON!!!

anyway i was surprised with how like, thematically coherent it was. like the writing wasn't terrible it knows the story it wants to tell and it sticks with it. it ends up being less of a comic book superhero movie and more of a mission impossible movie which some people dislike but i think it helps it feel a lot more grounded in reality and that works to its benefit.

and of course the stucky. I think part of why it drives people crazy is the childhood friends of it all and of course seeing two white men and wanting them to fuck (even though sam is right there but i digress) but it really does just deeply intertwine w who steve is like he is such a sentimental emotional etc person who feels lost in the present and clings desperately to the past and having that commonality with bucky is like a life preserver to him... he is such a deeply lonely person and NO ONE is capable of understanding that other than bucky it makes complete sense that he would roll over and not want to fight him because fighting him would mean abandoning that past + that hope that he's still in there which is the thing !! he spends his entire life !! clinging to !!!!! he is stuck in the past physically emotionally mentally etc he Cannot let bucky go because if he does he is letting go of who he is and having to find himself completely anew all alone. he's obsessed with him and the idea that by saving bucky he could bring the past back. incredibly unhealthy of him it makes me ill

anyway happy 10th birthday to the only marvel movie they ever made sucks they didn't make any more before or after this i was looking forward to Captain America: Gay Sex

[angedemystere]

Reading Wrap Up for 2023

Sad to say, I finished fewer books this year (22) than last year (35), but I started more books. Starting a full time job in August while staying at my part-time job brought my reading to a screeching halt. Here's my takeaway on what I can do going forward:

not read multiple books

set up a stricter reading routine

load up on mysteries

crank down on nonfiction

put down books that are not holding my attention

Another dilemma is that I'm joining my church's Bible Challenge where we read the all of it in a year. But I want to adjust my habits, anyway, so I'll use more downtime for reading in general.

Anyway, here are the books I read, my ratings, and my quick thoughts:

European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman (2.5/5) - I'm peeved by this series. There's a lot to like, but why, WHY does Goss insist on warping the preexisting characters? I'm not continuing this series unless someone convinces me it's worthwhile.

Jesus: A Story of Enlightenment (3.5/5) - It's interesting, for sure. That's ... probably the highest praise I can give. There are ideas in this I don't agree with, but I thought about this book for a while after finishing it. I wouldn't discourage anyone from trying it. Just don't take it as gospel.

The Other Paris (4/5) - Woof! This book might punch your faith in humanity in the face, but you'll be fascinated while it's happening. Great glimpse into the not glamorous side of Paris.

The Monstrumologist (3.5/5) - This one took me a couple tries to start, but it finally sucked me in. I think, while the monster stuff is great, the book got more interesting as the relationship between the POV character and the scientist developed. It's like if Sherlock Holmes studied and hunted monsters, was more of a jerk, and had a kid sidekick instead of Watson.

Monk's Hood (4/5) - This installment of the Brother Cadfael mysteries felt more like "things are fairly normal but then this person/situation arises" without it being a huge crisis like a war. It also stays in Shrewsbury, which makes it fun to watch Cadfael as he maneuvers around his home turf.

Till We Have Faces (4.5/5) - I didn't expect to enjoy this retelling so much! I'm not even a huge fan of the Eros/Psyche myth. Or maybe that explains my enjoyment - it doesn't focus much on Psyche or Eros, rather fleshing out Psyche's sister (look I'm a sucker for ugly protags).

Why Did Jesus, Moses, the Buddha, and Mohammed Cross the Road? (4/5) - Solid nonfiction read about how Christians can better communicate with and love people of different religious beliefs (or heck, even other Christians who don't agree with them on certain points). Worth checking out if you're interested in discourse on this subject.

On Stories (4/5) - More C.S. Lewis and various essays on how and why stories do what they do, especially fantasy. Can't remember much about specific points right now, but I enjoy his point of view, especially as a writer.

To Kill a Kingdom - (2.5/5) Not my cup of tea in the end. I wanted to like it - Little Mermaid retelling, enemies to lovers with monstrous protag who starts off hating humans but learns to bond with them. Except I didn't see much bonding between the MC and the humans she's forced to cooperate with. Even when she does develop her relationship with the main guy who becomes her love interest, I was lukewarm on their romance. Never got attached to the characters tbh.

City of Light, City of Poison (4.5/5) - It was wild reading this book, then watching the Puppet History video on this topic and realizing it was about the same thing! Anyway, CRAZY real-life story about 17th century shenanigans. The writer does a great job weaving a narrative out of many people's lives and building up the intrigue.

The Three from Galilee (3.5/5) - I liked this imagined way Jesus could have grown up with his family. It filled out parts of his family we don't think much about, like his grandparents and siblings. There are also sweet nods to parables he will tell later. The big thing holding this back from a 4 was the weird romance subplot near the end. I'm fine with giving fiction!Jesus a love interest to explore the idea of what that could've been like. But the way it was handled ... just ... what?

The Good Death (3.5/5) - My first foray into this series, even though it's not the first in the series. I'd like to go back and check out the first installment. While I liked how it followed two timelines to build up the mystery of the first murder (chronologically) that the MC gets involved in, the solution to the mystery left a bad taste for me. I'm fine with how the later timeline wrapped up, if a bit strained in its conflict. I'll read more, but I'm not in a rush.

The House of Silk (4/5) - I read Horowitz's Moriarty last year, which was interesting but odd to fit into the Holmes canon. House of Silk felt more like a natural fit because it's a case for Holmes and Watson. Dark and ultimately sad but well worth the time.

Legend (3.5/5) - I went into this with maybe too high expectations of it being a Les Mis reimagining with the MCs paralleling Jean Valjean and Javert. Which they do, but they're unique characters. I'll admit, I didn't get as invested in them as I am in the OGs, but their story was enjoyable. Not sure I'm motivated to continue the series, though.

The Warden (4/5) - I didn't realize this was going to end on a mf cliffhanger. Yeah, I'm telling you that right off the bat. What a rip. I still like it, but how can you do that to me? Anyway, it's a D&D style story set in a village with some small-town problems and a potential BIG problem looming in the background. That fits my jam as long as the characters are interesting, which they are. Nice!

The Monstrous Child (3/5) - The very rare Norse myth retelling that focuses on Hel. It reads like middle grade or young YA, which I think is the intention. Hel is very snappish, but almost all the characters are unpleasant, so her attitude fits. It also seemed shallow when there's a lot of pain that doesn't get addressed in a satisfying way. It has its moments, but few and far between.

Hounded (4/5) - I'm surprised by how much I got invested. It's urban fantasy with all mythologies, but this story keeps the focus on Irish gods and stories. The MC strikes that balance of powerful and vulnerable enough that he can't take on the antagonist with ease. Also, he has a dog, and he respects powerful women. Will try more!

The Shack (4/5) - This book confused me because I wasn't sure if the author had inserted himself as a character and/or if the real world part was based on a true story. But I liked the story and the truths it explored about our relationship with God while still feeling grounded in a person's unique experiences (rather than just an illustrative sermon). Plus, it was fun seeing God the Father as a vivacious black woman and Jesus showing human clumsiness.

Out of the Silent Planet (4.5/5) - I'm showing my Lewis bias, I know. He just knows how to pace a story that at parts could be boring because not a lot is happening. I was invested the whole time thanks to how invested in the MC is. And the MC has no reason to care about anything because he just stumbles (and gets kidnapped) into the adventure. Do you think Ransom is a little based on a young Tolkien?

The Thursday Murder Club (4/5) - Fun, funny, and surprisingly dark mystery featuring septuagenarians as the detectives. It did keep me guessing. Sometimes the twists were a bit much with how quickly one apparent solution came up, only to be dashed by what was really going on. The one book this year I read in a day.

The Invisible Man (3.5/5) - This is a dark comedy. We can agree on that, right? Like, slap-stick comedy with morbid moral questions. The guy causes mayhem, including to himself. And then he thinks he can rule the world? How am I not supposed to find that funny?

The Phantom of the Opera: A Graphic Novel (4.5/5) - Beautiful adaptation of the novel that captures the gothic atmosphere and shows the Phantom as a terrifying, pathetic dude. It trims some of the subplots that don't involved Christine and Raoul, which for the sake of story flow makes sense.

[coeursetcolores]

Cyrus, The Scholar: Chapter 2

WARNING! Spoilers ahead for Chapter 2 of Cyrus’ story in Octopath Traveler!

Man, things got dark!

I thought Prim had the dark story, but this was messed up! Human sacrifices, kidnapping, torture...It was not just a name, not just a name.

Someone give Cyrus a break! And this is only Chapter 2?!

I have the feeling Chapter 4 might constitute bumping the rating up, this game is so unexpectedly dark. And so detailed about it.

But, let’s press on.

Since this is the same town as Tressa’s Chapter 2, I actually did her’s first. I figured with Cyrus being a gentleman and all, he’d step out of the lady’s way. 

And wow, can things change between two chapters.

I will admit, the bursts of humor about Cyrus’ obliviousness about how attractive he is got old pretty quickly: not that funny when it cost him his job (still salty Therese). Kinda feels like a double standard, female characters don’t usually end up in his situation...I dunno, I just really don’t like Cyrus getting punished/made fun of because he doesn’t notice when people are interested in him: if they like him, they should be upfront with him.

Lay off Odette, he’s supposed to be your friend.

Oh well; Detective Cyrus is back everyone! Book man’s hittin’ the streets!

Quarrycrest is nice, little mining town. All the wooden parts make it look like it’s still being worked on. It really sells that the place is developing into something else, like it would be bigger and more advanced later on. The wood could get upgraded to stone and the stalls could become stores. It’s nice to think of after Tressa’s chapter.

I do wish the mystery parts had more to them; I know it’s not that kind of game, but they’re just so easy it’s hard to believe Cyrus is the only one who can solve them. Eh. Moving on.

Are all of Cyrus’ chapters going to end up underground? I get that his bad guys like to stay hidden, but there’s more options: attics, abandoned buildings, woods, creepy mansions...

Overall, the sewer starts out pretty basic (hope everyone did laundry after they finished up down there): dark, wet, rats...

And then we get to the boss’ room.

Dang...This guy’s messed up. How do you even crystallize blood? And was the circle on the ground made of blood too?

I was not expecting that corpse to fall. Usually the hero gets there before anyone dies, so I figured everyone would get rescued and that the ritual just took more time.

And the game showed me it wasn’t playing around.

You save three people.

Ten went missing.

We’re going into some dark territory going forward, it looks like.

I’m actually kind of glad Gideon didn’t show up much, this guy is pure evil. Worked pretty well to just show up for the fight. Would’ve liked to have had his motivations explored a bit, though. Honestly just seems like he was written to just creep the player out.

I really like how this chapter shows Cyrus’ moral side: we already learned about how much he craves knowledge, but here we see where he draws the line. He admits the topics about necromancy intrigue him, but he would never actually try them. He knows that some things shouldn’t be researched and has the self-control and morals to reject them instead of blindly pursuing more than he probably should. Usually intelligent characters will disregard the moral choice in favor of research, but Cyrus doesn’t. I like that.

And now Odette wants to be nice. Yay.

Aaaaaaand, we’re being followed.

Let’s hear what our companions have to say about this tonal shifting chapter!

Primrose: Ooh, debate! And a respectful one! Both sides have points, and Cyrus even admits he likes hearing about her perspective. Just a talk about two ways of seeing the world. But did they have to end with another oblivious Cyrus joke?

Tressa: Cyrus, you are going to get killed one day. Tressa’s supposed to be the newcomer to the traveling life, why is she lecturing you? Though, it is refreshing to see how older people can have less wisdom than younger ones at times. Neither of them are naive, they just have more smarts than the other in different areas.

Ophilia: Oooh! I know he’s just being frank, but I have shipping goggles on! Watch yourself, Cyrus!

Therion: Recruit a criminal, solve a crime. But aww! Cyrus praised him! You go inspire that disenfranchised youth, Professor! GO TO CLASS, THERION! Achieve your potential (but also stay a thief, because they’re cool)!

H’aanit: You’re far too modest, my dear! People would line up to take your courses! I never want to hunt, but I’d love to learn biology from you!

Alfyn: Aww, poor guy! You go dad on him, Cyrus! Team Dad #2! I really like how he presents knowledge as ultimately being subject to the user. And yes, Alfyn is pure. I’d love to listen to discussions between these two about their fields, mutual mentoring is an interesting topic to explore.

Olberic: WAIT, YOU GUYS ACTUALLY NOTICED YOU’RE BEING FOLLOWED?! I was not expecting that! No ambushes coming for them, then. I feel so much wiser when these two talk to each other: one about knowledge, the other about danger. 

By the way, I love that everyone addresses Cyrus as “Professor;” even if he’s not on the clock, they respect him.

All we wanted to do was find a book. Now we’re involved in a conspiracy with necromancy, torture, murder and kidnapping.

Who hires someone to do this? And how does the academy fit into it?

And who’s that hooded figure?

Guess we find out.

On to Stonegard!

[tithnamath]

A Book I Have to Read for Uni

Hello dwarflings (and wandering travellers)! So, I'm going to be real and honest and say that I'm not looking forward to uni in September (this will be my third and last year in my honours). I hope this post doesn't get me into trouble haha. I'm going to be brief with why (but let's face it I yap too much) then I'll get onto the book, which is also part of the issue.

So the end of second year was extremely rough on me mentally, and dare I say humiliating to say the least. Let's just say on the last day (which was a critique for the whole day) I cried twice, then broke down crying while walking to the tube station and on the tube home which was very embarrassing. I don't mind smaller crit groups, when when it was the whole year looking AND MARKING your work, and those markings influence your final grade, then saying out loud what grade they marked work work in front of everyone was beyond overwhelming and distressing. Still months later I have lost a whatever speck of confidence I had in my work. I am trying my best to gain it back though. My uni, probably like most unis, don't have the best management and organisation skills, which also added to the stress of second year.

One of these disorganised issue is being given a book to read for upcoming year. What's the issue you me ask? The timing. So we have a 5 month (give or take) summer break, which in my opinion is too long for the amount I'm paying for the course, and we were given this really long book about the history of London to read - over 700 pages. And keep in mind I'm in a course where students might not like to read as much as others, not not read at all. So you would have thought, that a long book and a long summer break they would let the year know at the start, right? That makes sense, right? No. They tell us a few weeks ago. If someone is a fast read and/or have nothing to do during the holidays it would be fine for them, I get it. But if there are people who are working long shifts, have family issues, or struggle to read such a saturated book it wasn't the best move. Thankfully, in the email they said you can only read 3-4 chapters (which aren't that long btw) but preferably read the whole thing.

Two issue with that: one is they we have to buy a big ass book only to read a few chapters. A broke uni student isn't getting their money's worth even if you get a good steal for it. Two, which like this whole post could be a me problem, is that yeah a few chapters is the bare minimum, but then there is a guilt of not working harder and reading more chapters.

I'm probably blowing this way out of proportion, and this is not a big deal at all. But with everything that has happened and is going on with the uni, I'm just mentally tired and had enough of their bullshit. And I'm not the only one in my year either.

Sorry for this rant, but I had to let out my feelings somewhere. Tbh I'm having a lot of anxiety for 3rd year, and I'm dreading it so much.

I love you all, and keep you mental health your top priority.

Tith Namath X

[cielwells]

Status Update - March 2024, First Month

Background

Quick background and context for anyone stumbling onto this.  On the twelfth, March 12, I decided to try to turn this into a draw/sketch a day thing.  I was already trying to draw at least three times a week and my streak was at 43.  While not 100% accurate, it seemed a good enough number to start at to avoid fighting with my streak keeping app.

The reason I sometimes include “53/53” and the like is because I am not fully abandoning the original three times a week thing.  The first number is the number done.  The second is the current “days since the project started”.

Reflections

The Format

Since this wasn’t planned, I’ve encountered a few things that could be adjusted going forward. 

The collage above?  Yeah, I decided to try for it early on but I didn’t think about making it non-sanity damaging to put together.  Maybe this works with gaps and the like? 

Maybe it is just my fear of having it too big and wasting people’s time and bandwidth.  Maybe it gives the vibes of collaging in books and physical sketchpads.

… I’m not undecided on whether to go for a strictly organized system or just giving each day more breathing room.

In any case, I started using the iOS Clip Studio’s default 4:3 canvas that is 1600 x 1200px.  When I started posting these online more frequently I switched to the square (1640 x 1640 px) because “Instagram”.  Before switching to “Sticker Size” (370 x 320 px) thinking the smaller canvas would be easier to work with.  Before switching between a few of the others once I realized how small the sticker canvas was to other days when compared.

I am, was, until I began writing this section at least, planning to go back to square for consistency’s sake.  Only, I don’t think that will work.  Welcome to real time self reflection folks!  The train has left the script.  It’s 10:19, I need to be at my Easter “Dinner” location at noon.  Only future me knows if I pushed this out beforehand or waited until I got home to clean this up, and practical time travel isn’t invented yet. 

I’m now doubting the square decision for two reasons.  In exploring the different canvas sizes and shapes I’ve started to get a feel for the canvas affects what is created. 

I don’t know if I would have gone for the torso of 61 in a square as I went into it wanting to attempt something with the head.  I like how the torso came out and really disliked the head.

I believe with 55 I cropped it down from a square despite being drawn in a square. 

I’ve caught myself starting to use drawn color swatches for consistency and more room on the canvas leaves more room for them.

Skill Improvement

I guess I can say I improved some.  After 45, Toga, I realized I needed more practice with facial directions.  This lead to more focused practice on that with days 46 through 51 with the last one just focuses on eyes and iris direction.

Then I needed to do something I felt was funner and I felt more passion for, 52 Sukuna.  I didn’t succeed in all my goals for that day.  The lips specifically. 

There are also blow-off days.  59 – Godzilla is the only example I clearly remember.  By time I was “done” I realized I was in so need of breather day that I didn’t even mark that this was, in fact, drawn with a reference.  56 – Snowman was probably a similar low point but I went with a simpler subject to concentrate what bandwidth I had more constructively.

Day 60 – Needlewise?  No, that was trying.  It was me trying to snap out of the duldrums.  The focused practice for that day was this technique I’ve heard and seen about using thicker outlines for the shape and thinner lines inside the “model”.  See on the arms?  This combined with wanting some darn color.  I missed color by this point, which I’ve avoided near all month because I wanted to focus on the basic… is it line art?  I’m also mildly annoyed that the minimalist details in the dessert got covered up by the cactaur once I unhid it.  I could have avoided this if I just greatly reduced the cactaur’s transparency instead of hiding the layer entirely.

Final Thoughts

One thing I think I need to do more of is watch more guides.  Needlewise shows me that knowing something is a thing doesn’t mean I can do it anywhere close to reasonable on my own. 

Me realizing I’m not 100% what I was focusing on, in general, this month is lineart or something else tells me I’m missing some fundamentals in terminology.  If I don’t know the terms then finding guides will be harder.

One thing I like about the Takodachi, 61, Rule 63 v-tuber, and the gnome is that I knew when to stop for the day.  Some advice I’m seeing a lot in videos on the daily drawing topic and general improvement is not drawing for hours and hours just to draw.  Unless you are doing it for fun.  With each I hit some sort of wall, reached a satisfactory minimum amount of goal achieving, and moved on. 

Looking at all the different things I’ve tried, I do wonder if I shouldn’t focus on one specific thing more next month.  Then I look at Sukuna and 55-B the landscape.  I know myself.  If I spent a month working on only lips or only eyes, unless it just groked with me in a fun way, I would begin to resent this project.  I still wish I had a style I knew I wanted to shoot for so that I could at least do variations of topics around that style.

[lumafly]

Been in torment for months about not being able to give enough page time to my two favourite side characters (also my fav pair dynamic) so I’m rewriting the segment of story they appear in so they can join the protags for a chunky bit of plot :) Ultimately nothing changes but I’ve been feeling bad about keeping them away and this instantly opened my third eye for exploiting the circumstances to the fullest :3 If nothing else book 3 is Oscar and Sigrid propaganda and you must love them too :-)