#if i could find him again tomorrow or something sure ill talk to him about what happened but like 🧍🏻‍♂️

[elegyofthemoon]

doc: okay try and call me past this hour and we can talk over the case

me: ok

>tries to call

>the phone number doesnt work

me:

[r4di0h3ad]

just practice

paring! bsf!jj x reader

in which! you have a date coming up and you still haven’t lost your virginity, so you go to your best friend in the hopes he will help you out and save you from embarrassment

warnings! smut. loss of virginity. oral sex (f. receiving) pnv sex. unprotected sex.

part 2

you find jj at the chateau, laying in a hammock on the porch with his shirt off and a joint between his fingers. you could smell the scent of weed before you even made it to the door and jj gave you a smile when he noticed you.

“hey, j.” you greeted, now standing in front of the bench. “you busy?”

“what’s it look like?” he took a long drag from the joint and exhaled. you couldn’t help but grin at his glazed over eyes and his genuine, high smile.

you glanced into the screen door, looking for john b, or anyone else, but couldn’t see well from the smoky haze.

“anyone home?”

he shakes his head no.

“kie and pope are working, think john b’s out with sarah.” he says. “why? you okay?” his eyes soften and you notice his look of concern.

“yeah,” you smile, “everything’s fine, just need to uh- talk to you.” you had no idea how you were gonna go through with this without making it incredibly awkward. you already felt sick to your stomach at the thought of him rejecting you and never seeing you the same way after this.

jj nods and stubs out his joint. he stands up and opens the screen door, motioning for you to enter first.

“after you.”

you smile and step inside, but you soon begin to feel ill at the fact that you were really going to ask him this. you wanted this to happen, but you were terribly nervous.

you lead him to his room and close the door behind you. he sits on the edge of the bed and you follow, sitting crisss cross, facing him.

“you sure everything’s fine?” he asks, obviously questioning the fact that you wanted to speak to him in his room, and that you were silent.

“i told you about that guy i’ve been talking to for a few weeks, yeah?” you start, not wanting to make eye contact with the boy.

“yeah.” he nods.

you try not to pick at the skin of your fingernails.

“okay, well, he asked me out.” you say. “the date’s tomorrow.”

he furrows his eyebrows in question, noticing that you sounded kind of disappointed about something that was supposed to be good.

“well that’s a good thing, right?” he scoffed. “i mean, i cant remember the last time you went on a date.”

“shut up.” you nudge him. “yeah, it’s a good thing… i like him- i think.”

“alright, well, that’s all you wanted to tell me?” he asks. “you don’t need dating advice right? because i can’t help you in that department.”

you fight a smile at his remark and shake your head no.

“okay, here’s the thing.” you sigh before you force out your next words, absolutely dreading his reaction. “i don’t know if he’ll wanna sleep with me eventually, and, well he’s kind of experienced with girls and all that, and i’m kind of…. not.” you cringe at your choice of words, already regretting coming to jj out of embarrassment. you glance at him momentarily and he seems to be studying you, waiting for you to keep talking. “what i mean is, like-“ you sighed. you knew you sounded like a complete idiot, but you didn’t want to back out now.

“you know i’m a virgin, right?” you didn’t even want to look at him after the words came out of your mouth.

he smiled a little.

“i, uh, i figured.” he scratched the back of his head awkwardly and cleared his throat.

“don’t be a dick.” you shove him once again and he chuckles, which allows you to lighten up just slightly. “i’m saying that i don’t know what i’m doing - y’know, with guys and all that. i don’t want to embarrass myself in front of him.”

“so you want… sex advice? from me?” he asks, raising his eyebrows with suspicion.

you nervously bite the inside of your cheek and your face grows hot.

“well, i thought maybe a little more hands on.” you said before you could even stop yourself. you knew you had to just come out and say it or you would’ve backed out and nothing would ever come of this situation. you searched his face for a reaction.

he looked confused, but he didn’t seem whole heartedly against the idea. the silence between you both was becoming awkward and you felt the need to explain yourself, hopefully making the situation sound less like you were coming on to him and more like a friend just asking for help.

“i mean like, because you’re a guy and all, you would know what guys like best, i guess?” you said, as you watched him cross his arms over his chest and lean against the headboard of the bed. “and i was thinking about the fact that i’m going on a date for the first time since freshman year and now there’s a very high chance that i’ll sleep with him in the coming weeks, and it just- i don’t know, the idea of losing my virginity to someone i’ve known for a month didn’t really sound good to me.” you we’re rambling at this point to try and defend your case. “i would rather do it with someone i know, and trust.”

“you want me to take your virginity?” he asked, blatantly. “that’s what you came here for?”

you nod, probably chewing a hole into your cheek now.

“if it’s too weird for you, you don’t have to do it at all, it’s okay.” you said. “you were just the only person i felt like i could ask without it being awkward.”

“no, no,” his expression softens and he shakes his head, pulling his arms from his chest and taking his back off the headboard. “i’ll do it.”

“really?” your eyes light up because you expected this to go far south.

“yeah, no big deal.” he shrugs, even though in his head he knew it was a huge deal. he was going to be your first time and if he screwed it up, there was no telling what would happen between you two. “but, this won’t change anything between us right?” he asked. “like i just don’t want it to be awkward afterwards.”

“i swear.” you said, although you didn’t entirely know if that was the truth. “you’re just helping me out, right?”

“alright.” he responds. “you, uh, you wanna do this now or..?” he clears his throat again, visibly getting nervous, but your fears seemed to be disappearing now that you knew he wasn’t against the idea.

“the sooner, the better.” you said.

jj gets up from the bed and flips the lock on the door on the off chance someone were to come home.

“just a warning though,” you start, “i’ll definitely be really bad at this compared to the other girls you’ve been with.”

“that’s all right, you gotta learn somewhere.” he says, walking back to you and stopping right in front of where you were sitting on the bed. your heart started to race as the reality of what you were about to do started setting in. he sits down next to you and you could smell salt water and weed on his skin. “i’m gonna start with kissing you, is that okay?” you searches your face for confirmation and you nod, giving him the okay. “and you’ll tell me if i’m taking things too fast or if you wanna stop, right?”

you giggle a little at his attention to the matter.

“yes jj.”

you see a very slight smile appear on his lips before he slowly leaned in and connected them with yours. he tasted like weed but in the most perfect way as he skillfully moved his lips in sync with yours. his tongue softly swiped your bottom lip at the same time his hands found their way to the sides of your face and he held you there gently. you took him touching you as a sign to occupy your own hands with his body as you brought your hands around his back, feeling his bare skin.

his kisses started leading down your chin, and further down onto your neck where he connected his lips with your skin. you shivered at the new feeling of someone kissing your neck as he went lower still, reaching your collarbone. he pulled away and tugged at the him of your shirt, asking for more access to your body and he helped you out of the fabric.

“you doin okay?” he asks.

“totally fine.”

he connects his lips to your collar again as he carefully lays you down onto your back. he fights the urge not to leave any hickeys on you, knowing you had a date tomorrow.

you scoot your body up until you’re in the middle of the bed so that he can easily get on top of you. he continues kissing your body, getting lower and lower and with each passing second, you could feel yourself getting hotter and your arousal getting stronger. his mouth reached the waistband of your jean shorts and he looked up your for permission to take them off. you nodded and he unbuttoned them before sliding them down your legs and tossing them somewhere on the floor.

jj kissed the curve of your hipbone and you mindlessly rolled your core up towards his mouth, to which you could feel him smirk against your skin at your neediness.

“i’ll get there princess.” he said against the space under your bellybutton. you practically lost your breath at his words and your cheeks flushed out of embarrassment.

he continued kissing you even lower, placing his lips over clothed core and hooking a finger underneath the hem of your bikini bottoms.

“can i take these off?” he asked.

“please.” you nod, almost sounding too desperate.

he pulls your bottoms down your legs, leaving you exposed to him. the first time anyone had seen you like this, and you were thankful it was jj and not some random boy who didn’t know the first thing about you.

“you still alright?”

“jj,” you giggle. “i’ll tell you if somethings wrong, okay?”

“just being courteous.” he joked.

he brought his hand to your now bare core and used his thumb to swipe a line from your entrance up to your clit, making you whine from just one touch. he spreads your wetness around your clit, his pants growing tighter at the sight of your arousal. as he rubs painfully slow circles, he searches your face for signs of enjoyment, but your eyes were shut tight and your lips were parted, quiet whimpers leaving your mouth.

“just relax, okay?” he said, to which you nod eagerly. you were totally not relaxed at all. in fact you were amped on adrenaline from the way he kissed you.

and then before you could register what was happening, you felt something new touching you. you opened your eyes and looked down at jj’s face in between your thighs, seeing his tongue swirling over your clit. it felt better than any time you had ever touched yourself. his eyes met yours for a second and you wondered why you never asked him to do this any sooner even though you pictured him going down on you many times before

your hands found their way to his blonde locks, your fingers tangling into his hair as you threw your head back on the pillow.

“oh my god, jj” you moaned, to which he picked up the pace a little. he gripped your thighs firmly, holding them apart, occasionally rubbing circles into your skin with his thumbs to relax you.

his lips wrapped around your clit and he sucked, making you jolt your hips up in pleasure at the new sensation. your legs were trembling under his grip and jj didn’t think he could get any harder, but he was, in fact, getting harder by the minute.

“jj,” you moaned his name, “please don’t stop!” you were pulling his hair tighter, trying not to be too loud in case anyone were to come home, but it was impossible to keep your mouth shut with the way he was eating your pussy. “feels so good” you cried.

your hips were rocking back and forth, rolling in the same rhythm as his tongue, practically riding his face. he knew you were close based on the fact that your moans were getting closer together and your legs were shaking harder. he suddenly switched the direction of his tongue, now going side to side and occasionally sucking on your clit, swallowing your juices.

your back was arched off the bed, your hands flying to the sheets for something to hold on to as your high approached in small waves. you moved one hand to cover your mouth, trying to stifle your moans, but jj immediately reached up to your arm and pulled it from your face, not stopping his movements.

“need to hear you cum” he said against your clit before harshly sucking on it.

“fuck” you moaned, his words alone almost leading you over the edge.

he snuck two fingers into your entrance and slowly moved them against the sweet spot inside you. the mixture of his mouth expertly lapping at your clit and his fingers pushing into you had you coming undone.

“fuck- don’t stop- please- don’t st-“ you couldn’t even get the last words out as you felt yourself completely lose control. you didn’t know how loud you were moaning because all of your senses had faltered as the tidal wave of ecstasy crashed over you.

he kept licking until you had fully ridden out your orgasm, and even then, he continued, his grip still tight on your legs as they trembled. you pushed his head away from the overstimulation and then lay limp, your chest rising and falling as you came down, your eyes still closed.

“need a second?” he asked, mockingly, his hands running up your torso and to your still covered breasts. he felt your nipples harden under your bikini top and he desperately wanted to get you out of it.

you wrap your arms around his back and pull him on top of you, connecting your lips with his again. he immediately kisses you back and reaches behind you to undo your top, which quickly comes off and jj’s eyes land on your breasts. he takes them both in his hands and leans over you to suck your nipple, making you shiver.

you occupy your own hands with his belt, fumbling with the clasp until it’s undone and pulling it through the loops.

he pulls himself away from your tits and starts undoing the zipper before his eyes meet yours.

“you sure you’re okay with this?” he asks.

“i wouldn’t be fully naked in front of you right now if i wasn’t.” you joke.

he gets up from the bed to take his shorts off and look around the room, presumably for a condom.

“john b’s gotta have some around here, hold on.” he says, opening up the top drawer of the dresser and rummaging through the pairs of socks and underwear.

“you don’t have to, jay.” you say, but he doesn’t listen, still looking inside the dresser for any small, silver packages. “i’m on birth control.”

he turns around cocks his head at you.

“what?” you question. “makes my periods lighter.” you shrug.

“i’m still pulling out though.” he says before he walks back to the edge of the bed and slides his boxers off, revealing his achingly hard cock. you visibly got nervous at his length, swallowing the saliva in your mouth. jj notices the redness in your face and gets into the bed, pushing hair out of your face with his fingers. “i’ll stop if it’s too much, just tell me.” you nod, anxiously and he positions himself on top of you, stroking his cock a few times before you feel his tip at your entrance. his eyes meet yours for confirmation and you give him a nod.

his cock slowly pushes into you, not even an inch as he doesn’t want to hurt you. you shut your eyes hard, preparing for it to hurt, but you feel barely any pain. he kisses your neck and pushes himself in a little farther.

“this feel okay?” he asks against your skin.

“feels good, j.” your hands find their way to his back again.

once he bottoms out, you feel a slight pressure at your cervix before he slowly starts moving, giving you time to adjust to the feeling.

you hear jj moan in your ear from the painfully slow strokes he was taking, trying to keep himself from going too fast for you. his cock rubbed against your g-spot and you kiss the area in between his collar and neck.

“i’m okay jj.” you reassure him. “faster, please.”

he picks up the pace and continues kissing your neck. your nails dig into the skin of his back.

“you feel so good” he moans. “doin’ so good for me- fuck.” he didn’t even realize what he was saying, but you enjoyed the hell out of it. his praises added to the pleasure of him inside you.

he was going fast enough now that you could hear your skin hitting against each others as your hips connected. every thrust was stroking your sweet spot and you were pretty sure you were leaving scratches on his back, but jj felt too good to even notice.

he leaned back a little so that all his weight was on his knees and his back was straight as he grabbed one of your legs for support and used his other hand to rub your clit at the same time he was fucking you. the double stimulation illicited a loud moan from you that encouraged jj to keep going, almost nearing his end.

his thrusts were getting sloppier and his breathing was heavier but he wanted to make you finish before him. your chest heaved, feeling the new sensation of him filling you up at the same time as his fingers worked on your clit. the pressure was building up and you knew you were close. you suddenly pulled him against you so that your chests were pressed against each others.

“fuck- jj” you moaned. “m’so close.”

his heavy breathing sounded like heaven to you as he started to fuck you even harder, his cock sliding perfectly in and out of you.

“sweetheart” he moaned into your neck. “m’not gonna last much longer.”

almost immediately after he said those words, you felt the band in your stomach snap as you came around his cock, squeezing and pulling him deeper inside you. you cried out his name as he fucked you through your second orgasm.

“fuck, baby-“ he pulled out of you and stroked his cock that was slick with your wetness. you watched his face contort in pleasure, his eyes barely open and his lips parted, his eyebrows furrowed. his cum shot onto your stomach and tits.

he tried not to stare too long at the mess he made of you, realizing almost as soon as he finished that this was a one time thing he may never get you like this again.

he got out of the bed and grabbed a shirt of the floor, which he cleaned you up with and tossed it.

“you okay?” he asked again.

you rolled your eyes.

“how many times are you gonna ask that?” you scoffed. “i liked it, j. don’t know how my date’s gonna top that.” you joked.

then, jj remembered that this was all practice for you to go and have sex with another guy and he suddenly felt sick. he pulled his boxers back on and picked up your articles of clothing from the floor and tossed them to you.

the truth is, you didn’t even want to go on that date anymore. not after the way jj took care of you.

“hey, jj!” a voice, john b’s, ripped through the chateau and both of your eyes widened, looking at each other with panic. “you home?”

you swiftly put your bottoms and shorts back on in under 30 seconds and shrugged yourself into your flimsy shirt while jj was putting his belt back on. you quickly exited john b’s room before he could see where you both came from and you nervously greeted him in the living room to see that sarah and kie were home as well.

“heyy, jb.” jj said, awkwardly.

“what have you two been doing all day?” john b asks.

kiara walked over to the kitchen to grab a beer and when she turned around, she noticed the marks on jj’s back. she paused in her steps.

“jj, what’s with all the scratches on your ba-“ and then she realized. her face contorted in disgust. “ewwww, are you guys fucking serious?”

your face grows hot with embarrassment and you wanted to dig a whole to die in, but john b seems barely faced as he walked past you, saying something near you.

“at least you made that boy’s dreams come true.”



[theereina]

Bad News Pt. 2

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Plus Size Fem Black!OC "Bella"

Wordcount: +1.4K

Warnings: MDNI (18+) mature content, such as cursing, no smut, heavily dialogue-centered, mental health mentioned (anxiety), *emotional distress*, angst, heartbreak, chronic illnesses mentioned, health conditions mentioned (c*ncer, PCOS, endometriosis), infertility, slight verbal ab*se

A/N¹: Remember, I just got back into writing. I'm open to critiques, but I am a little 🤏🏽 sensitive about my writing. Please, don't be too harsh.🥺 Feel free to bring my attention to any typos. Divider by @firefly-graphics. Also, this work is not to be plagiarized or reposted (on any site other than here on Tumblr). I do NOT give consent for any form of republishing or rewriting.

A/N²: I am not a medical doctor. Please, forgive me if my knowledge of any of the mentioned medical conditions is incorrect.

Bad News Pt. 1=> 😢

Walking into the room, my heart was crushed even further. All of the feelings I wish I could explain; I couldn't. Terry and his bags were gone. I hadn't even heard him leave. He didn't even care enough to at least say goodbye. After all these years, I wasn't worth a goodbye. Two seconds just solidified that this relationship wasn't worth any more of my energy.

I couldn't understand it. How did we get here? Had he always been like this? Was I that blind? I guess I was so busy trying to find love that I forgot the most important rule— love wasn't supposed to hurt. Then again, every version of love I've experienced was painful, manipulative, abusive, and damaging. So, maybe I found what I was familiar with. I mean, why else would I be so comfortable putting up with this?

But, what do I do now?

*2 hours later

The room was covered in crumpled and torn pieces of notebook paper. I have tried and tried to write this letter. My hands were stiff, and my head was throbbing. I just wanted him to know how I felt because my mind was already made up. I'm done, and this is over.

If he would've just listened, we wouldn't be in this predicament. If he hadn't said those words, there would still be hope in my eyes and love in my heart.

Better yet, fuck this and fuck him. He doesn't deserve a letter. This doesn't concern him anymore. I've already changed my flight for tomorrow morning. I leave on the first flight out. Since I no longer have anything to say to him, there is no need to wait. I can return to the West Coast and be at home with my Godmother and Godsister when I receive the news.

*The next day

“I will never like flying’. I don't care!” I said stepping out of the bathroom after showering. I was dressed in a pair of sweats and a plain black T-shirt. I had wrapped a scarf around my head to protect my hair during my shower.

My Godsister, Shante, was waiting for me. She was relaxed on the bed with her back against the headboard. Her satin black bonnet and black fluffy robe made her look so much like her grandmother. “What?” she asked turning her head towards me. “You look like Nana Elsie!” I laughed into my hand. “Shut up!” she said slinging one of the pillows at me.

I walked to the bed and sat on the edge closest to me. I was tired. I knew why she was in here. She wanted to make sure I was okay. Honestly, I wasn't. My life was shit right now. Leaving Terry was just another stab to the heart. All I could do was pray to God that I didn't lose anymore. I couldn't possibly see myself being any lower than this.

“You wanna talk?” Shante asked rolling on her side facing my back. “Not really, I just wanna wait until they call,” I said solemnly. My shoulders were beginning to feel heavy again. I didn't want to think about what the doctor would say. I already knew this day was coming.

After years of medical neglect and misdiagnoses, I was finally given a proper diagnosis of both endometriosis and PCOS. I had been ignored for years when I complained of a forever-growing mountain of signs that something was wrong. I was told to “lose weight” to alleviate my symptoms. When I lost the weight, nothing changed. Some symptoms even seemed to get worse.

I had grown tired of all the referrals and guesses. I had explained to my original primary care physician years ago that I suspected that I had PCOS. It was dismissed as anxiety and medical hysteria. I tried again with three other physicians to be met with the same fate— try to lose weight, take this metformin, exercise daily, change your diet, etc.

This could have been treated years ago if someone would have just listened.

*3 hours later

I was in the kitchen eating when my cell phone rang. I picked it up thinking it was the call I had been dreading. I was eager to get this over with. Just say it, and let's move on.

“Hello, this is Bella,” I mumbled into the phone. I was on the edge again. Trying my hardest to breathe and stay calm. “Bell, where are you?” asked Terry. “Terry?” I asked pulling the phone away from my ear and looking at it. Fuck! Why didn't I look before answering? Why didn't I block him?

“Bella, I'm s—,” he started to speak before I interrupted him. “Save it. I… I don't care anymore,” I said through tears. “Bells, I was—,” he started again. “No,” I said sobbing into the phone. “Could you just—!” he yelled into the phone. That was it. I didn't have to deal with this. I hung up the phone and laid it on the table in front of me.

Pushing the plate away, I laid across my arms crying with my head down. My Godmother and Godsister were both gone to work. That left me alone once again with my emotions— all of them.

ring ring ring

Not again. I picked up the phone in anger. “I don't want to talk to you!” I screamed into the phone. “Isabella? It's Dr. Moore. We need to speak about scheduling your surgery immediately,” he said in a startled tone. “I'm sorry, Dr. Moore. I'm having a…,” I said taking a deep breath. “I can call back if—,” he said. “No!” I blurted out. “Sorry. Please, tell me now,” I whimpered. I was flying between emotions faster than my body could manage.

“Well, honey. I'm sorry to bring you such bad news at this time, but we're going to need to remove your left ovary. The cysts were quite large, and… Unfortunately, the biopsy indicated they were cancerous. The safest option is to remove the affected ovary and all endometriosis deposits. Later on, we can discuss any further changes,” he said. “Changes?” I questioned while sniffling. “If it progresses any further, we may have to perform a hysterectomy.” Dr. Moore continued to talk, but I had dissociated from the conversation. This was it.

My mind was overflowing with questions. Will I be able to have kids? Would this even get rid of the cancer? If it did, would it come back? Would life ever be normal for me?

I don't know. I'll probably never know.

*Later in the day

ring ring ring

Hours had passed since the call ended. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to think. I had planned my whole life around me and Terry's relationship— kids, a house, a minivan, a dog, all of it. Now, everything was gone. Maybe my mother was right, I am cursed.

ring ring ring

“Who is it?” I sobbed into the phone. “It's me, Bella. Baby, can you please just listen to me?” Terry pleaded over the phone. “Why, huh? What’s there to listen to? You said everything you needed to say,” I yelled. All of my feelings were being overshadowed by my anger.

“I didn't mean it, Bella. That wasn't supposed to happen. I love you. You know that!” Terry yelled. “I don't know that, Terry. If you loved me, you wouldn't have said it. You meant it with all your fucking heart. You stood on it when you left without saying a word. No goodbye. No sorry. Nothing. That's not love,” I blurted out. I was beyond tired of holding my tongue. “Stop being so fuckin' childish right now and use your brain. You're always so damn emoti—,” he said cutting himself off. “Nah, say it! I'm too fucking emotional, huh? Ain't that right, Terry?” I screamed again. Tears were streaming down my face falling onto the kitchen table.

“I’m always sick, and… and I'm… I'm always emotional. That's what you… that's what you said, right? THEN, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WITH ME?!” I screamed as loud as I could. I threw the phone across the room. It hit the wall and shattered. Good. No more phone calls. No more doctors. No more — Terry.

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[jezabelle9299]

Adonis S.R x FEM! Reader

Overture-You own Spencer's favorite coffee shop, and you may as well own Spencer too with how intensely your hold is on him

CWs-Insecurity from Spencer, and comparison.

A/N- Day 15, and only a half hour late! Also for this I kind of had in mind a bi or bi-questioning Spencer, he very much cannot decide whether he wants to be that guy or be with him too. But he's so blindly into you, he doesn't put much thought into it

If you want to read the other things I've done/will do this month you can do that here: October Masterlist

Spencer drank coffee to a degree many deemed unhealthy, but he had one favorite coffee shop–yours. It was close to his work, had a recycling bin so he didn’t create excess waste with the several sugar packets he used with each cup, and he got to see you. You were somehow always there, running the shop with a sweet demeanor and a polka dot apron. 

He’d developed kind of an ill-advised crush on you, occasionally devolving into following you around from the other side of the counter like a puppy dog, just to see what he could find out about you. You were so interesting, he just had to know. You’d talk to him about your favorite books, and he’d immediately pick them up so he could give you his thoughts on them. You always listened, no matter how long the rant. 

Last time he saw you, he had to leave for work immediately after, and the team interrogated him about what, or who had gotten him in such a good mood. That was when he decided, he just had to ask you out. His chances were slim, but at the very least he couldn't keep waiting to stumble through a conversation next time he stopped for coffee in the morning. 

Not only was he disappointed when he couldn’t stop in each morning, he could never fully collect his thoughts when he was around you. If you were dating, he could see you all the time, and all the things he wanted to say to you wouldn’t have time to boil over so much. 

When he did finally see you again, after an almost week long case kept him away, there was simply no other option for Spencer. If he gave himself the opportunity to do it later, he’d never get his nerve up. He finally spotted you behind the counter of the near-empty shop, but you weren’t alone. A –ridiculously handsome– man had come to do the very thing he was about to. And that guy probably didn’t need weeks to work up his nerve. 

He decided to start browsing the bakery, defeated, and still eavesdropping. He knew he shouldn’t, but when he overheard you start to turn down the other man’s affections he wasn’t quite sure how to feel. If Adonis couldn’t be your type, what were Spencer’s chances? 

He thought about slipping out of the building before you could see him, but he caught your eye as he started to walk away. 

“Hey Spencer, how was your week? I haven’t seen you around much the last few days.” You propped yourself up on your hands against the counter, leaning ever so slightly toward Spencer in a way that made him need to avert his eyes in order to get his thoughts in line. 

“It was alright, I was just away for a case. I actually had something I needed to talk to you about?” Once he’d rushed out his sentence, he finally let himself look at you again, handing you the money for his usual coffee. 

“Sure, anything.” You waved him over to the coffee machine as you got it started for him, and he followed you–still with the puppy dog look you loved so much. 

“I kind of–like you. A lot. In a constantly thinking about you kind of way. I don’t frequently experience romantic attraction and I was wondering if you would like to go out on a date. But I am sure you’re unavailable, and thank you so much for all of the coffee, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He only talked faster as his tangent went on, clearly regretting every word out of his mouth, but unable to make it stop. When he finally finished he started moving towards the exit, quickly and utterly defeated, abandoning the coffee he already paid for. 

“Hey, hold on. Spencer! Get back here, please.” He reluctantly met you back in the lobby, steeling himself for what he was sure would be the nicest rejection he’d ever gotten. You stood close to him, and he noticed that he’d never actually been this physically close to you before, without the counter in between you, there were no barriers. 

“May I answer my own questions please?” That he was not expecting you to say. 

“Oh–sure.”

“I think that I would very much like to go out with you, and I assure you I am quite available.”He was overwhelmed with joy for a fraction of a second, before remembering that you had no shortage of potential suitors in the last few minutes. 

“But– the guy who was up here a second ago–”

“Well, I wouldn’t have guessed you were the eavesdropping type, but it’s cute. And I said no to that guy because I kind of had my eye on someone, and he wasn’t really my type anyway.” That just made Spencer all the more confused, not clearing up any of his questions. “Who on Earth could compete with him?”

“Well– you, first of all.”

“I like you. I’ve been liking you, and if you want to go out I’m free this weekend?” 

“Oh that’s–wow. Yes, I would definitely like that.”

“Good. Here’s my number–” You quickly scrawled it on the coffee cup before handing it to him. 

“Give me a call, and we can figure out something fun to do. I heard there’s a film festival at Georgetown that could be fun.” He could’ve proposed on the spot, and the only reason he didn’t was to keep from scaring you away. 

“That sounds perfect, I actually already have tickets, but I didn’t think I’d find anyone who wanted to go.” It was something he’d never admit to a girl he had just asked out for the first time, but it was just so easy to talk to you.

“Well then it sounds like we have a date.”

[lawva-girl]

Historically.. We don't mix. pt. 2

Law x fem!Reader, College AU

Pt. 1

Notes: Sorry i took forever, i kinda forgot i even posted this... HERES PT 2!!! let me know about any ponderances or possibly any errors... i dont have a beta reader or anything.. ALSO i could not come up with a nickname for reader..... so in the chat rooms i put "Y:" for "You". PLEASE tell me suggestions i will go back and fix it :D

WC: 2526

Back at the dorm that Law and Bepo shared, there was no chatter. Law was simply laying in bed with his laptop open to 5 tabs, one for each of the classes he was taking. He was taking all history classes this semester, since his counselor told him to. He would definitely miss the bio information but he did like history. Scrolling through each class, he breezed through all of the syllabus quizzes. Once he felt satisfied, it was onto checking his email, with one catching his attention. 

“DIRE!! MAKE AN APPOINTMENT OR TEXT ME ITS EMERGENT!” The email title felt like a scam but he knew it was not, in fact it was a daily burden. The man who had sent it, his counselor and adoptive father, always communicated like this. After opening the email, he found himself irritated again, Cora had only wanted to remind him that classes start today. 

“How would I not know?” Law muttered to himself. Reading through the email, then deciding he had been too neglectful of the man Law opened up their chat.

L: I know it was the first day, I got to my first two classes on time.  C: Good!!! I miss you! <3  C: Any new friends?!  C: Do you like your professors?? I hand picked them :D  L: Hand picked? You are making me socialize on purpose.  C: Not true! Nico Robin is the smartest! She already had her masters by the time most have an associates!  L: The classes are fine. Bepo made a friend, her name is Perona. C: Oh! Mihawk’s kid! Good to know she’s here! Is his step-daughter here too? Maybe y/n?  L: Yes.  C: Oh! I heard she’s similar to you! Maybe you two can be friends or something?  L: How long did you have to think to come up with this plan of yours?  C: No idea what you are talking about…. L: Cora.  C: … C: Anyways, have you gotten all the textbooks you need?  C: I want to make sure you find them all!  C: It's my job, you know.  L: I still have two more classes to go to tomorrow, but i’ll be fine.  L: Thanks.  C: Anything for you! We should meet for lunch soon! I can make you salmon rice balls! Like when you were still a baby… remember? You loved my cooking! L: I did not. You should not be in a kitchen alone, Ill meet you on friday at 11.  L: Don’t start until i'm there. Please.  C: Okay !!!!! C: I'll see you then law! C: Cant wait ! C: Sleep tight <3<3<3 

Law closed his laptop, relaxing his shoulders. He glanced over and Bepo was already asleep. He kicked off his blanket and got up to go to the bathroom. After he finished his business, washing his hands like any good bio major, he strolled to the microwave area. He had only wanted water but he saw the picture of him holding a letter, standing next to Cora. Staring at it, he wondered why the giant had wanted him to socialize so much. It’s not like he never sees human faces, or stays inside all day everyday. He just liked being alone when he could, no one to ask him stupid questions. 

After finishing his water, Law went back to bed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two went through the rest of the week, meeting each other an embarrassing amount of times. Neither one had any reason to talk to the other, so they didn’t. Until Wednesday rolled around, and they were back in Nico Robin’s class. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Someone has it out for me. I know it for sure” You wrote in your journal, along with the date and class name. Looking at Law, like you had these past two days, made you realize it more. 

“I have pissed off whatever god actually exists and they want me to repent. There is no way that all four of my classes are naturally shared with Trafalgar.” You finish scribbling away in your journal, just in time. 

“Okay, pass forward the paper I handed out to you. This was just a fun assignment to see what areas we, as a class, are most interested in.” She spoke smoothly, with an even tone. It was almost like she didn’t care, or like she had done this 20 times. 

You heard some of your classmates groan and while you agreed, you thought it was inappropriate to voice that. Tapping a pen on the paper of your journal idly, you waited for more instructions. Even though your classmates weren't raised well, your father had done a fine job with you. You were nice, respectful, studious. Sure you are shy but it's not like it mattered. 

Why speak to people and risk being embarrassed if they don’t want to talk to you? 

“Okay, as I said before this class is based in groups and communication. Please tell one person about what you studied for this assignment.” Robin had said before sitting at her desk with a book in hand. 

Suddenly everyone was talking but you and one other person. 

“My assignment is on the Five years war. I chose it because of a coin flip, I found the sources in the library database.” Already you were irritated. Another interaction with the man who had no manners. 

“Hello. That is how you start a conversation, who raised you? Anyways, my assignment is on the First Crusade. I chose it because it was the first war I thought of-” “Really? The first? Liar.” He interrupted you, of course a man like him would. 

You squinted at him, before responding with “Not lying, I was watching a documentary on the pope a day before class, which made me think of all the holy wars. It's not polite to interrupt people.” 

“Okay. I think we have discussed enough.” “Fine.” You scoffed at him mentally, before turning back to face the front of the room. 

“Okay now, I want someone to tell me about their partner's work! This is worth participation, as a friendly reminder.” She smiled eerily 

You did not raise your hand, in fact you looked away. If you were called on you would end up having to lie, since stupid Trafalgar didn’t tell you anything about his assignment. 

“Okay, randomly generated, we will have Mr. Trafalgar, Mr. Reyes, and Ms. Churchill. In that order please.” “My partner researched the First Crusade, she told me that she learned about the context of the war. Specifically Pope Urban the second’s motivations for launching the crusade, who was mainly following the lead of the Byzantine emperor. She also learned about the cost of the war, not only economically but also what it did for the Pope’s approval rating.” Incredible. He pulled all that from his ass? Wasn’t he a double major? How long ago did he even learn that? How was he able to say it so confidently? He is actually smart?! Hold on, he could’ve seen the same documentary you did and just so happened to remember important stuff. But even then, he didn’t even hesitate, he was so confident, even with a professor like Nico Robin. 

“Very good, point earned. Mr. Reyes?”

As he relaxed into his chair, you couldn’t help but stare. His hair was sticking out, a bit unruly from his beanie. It was white with weird black spots on it, maybe a statement about faux animal fur? Could he be vegetarian or something? Maybe he likes to hunt? His sideburns went right into his weird facial hair, “should be shaved” was scribbled into your journal, along with “spots?” and of course “T is smart?”. You saw his black hair under his beanie and thought of your father, who would never slouch like the man in front of you was. 

“Okay good to hear. This wraps up our class for today, I’ll see you all on monday.” 

You started gathering your things, excited to go back to Perona. She promised she would have your favorite food ready for you as soon as your class ended. It was a little weird, but you two always were close. 

“Are you always the last to leave?” The sudden voice pulled you from your thoughts, and made you drop your pencil case. No pencils escaped but the case clunked right under whoever had just shocked you. Law, with no expression on his face, immediately thought of his giant  adoptive father; who was extremely clumsy.  

“No. Are you stalking me? I feel like the campus police or a trusted adult should know about this.” You looked up at him, not reaching for your case at all. 

“I’m not, somehow, we have the exact same class schedule. With the exception of my online class.” “That's crazy buddy… Will you grab my case?”

“You can’t get it yourself?” He scoffed and folded his arms. 

“I think the reason why I dropped it should be the one to get it for me, no?” You thought he looked childish, folding his arms like he just got told to go to his room. 

“Fine.” He reached down, grabbing the case and placing it on your desk, “even though you were closer to the floor… I'm sorry.” He looked away as he said it. Once again you thought he was childish. 

You found yourself staring again. This time you noticed his hands, the word ‘death’ tattooed on his fingers, and the heart on the back of his hand. Shocked to say the least.

“Holy shit.” Huh? You said that outloud? Maybe you weren’t nice. 

You looked up to see Law’s face, somewhere between shock and disgust.

“Oh uh.. I meant, holy shit your tattoos are cool. They look like they hurt.” Maybe you saved it, you really did mean it in admiration. 

“It was painful, but worth it. Bearable at times.” He looked at his hand and held it up between the two of you. Shocked that he held it up for display, you raised your eyebrows. Staring at the tattoo, you were about to reach out and hold his hand closer so you could get a better look at the line work. Then your thoughts were interrupted.

“I know we aren’t on the best terms, but you heard the professor. I think it would be a good idea to bite the bullet and partner up.” He said it so matter-of-factly you almost agreed without realizing you were lost. 

“Huh? Partner?” you blinked up at him. “Of course you weren’t paying attention. The collaborative presentation that you and another student must present on the 18th?” He sounded annoyed, but his face wasn’t telling. 

“Yes! Sorry I got lost in my thoughts, we might as well partner up. I don’t have anyone else in mind, so I can stick with you.” You finished packing, finally, and stood up. Swinging your bag onto your back, you held out your hand towards him. 

“Okay… What is that for?” He nodded down to your hand. 

“Give me your phone. I’ll put my email in. We can make a google slide and share it that way.” 

He paused, with a semi frown on his face then gave up. He put his phone in your hand, and watched intently as you typed in something. Then you returned his phone, much to his delight. 

“Bye then. Just do 5 slides on the First Crusade or whatever other war the pope has started.” He put both of his hands in his pocket as he casually strolled out, leaving you to the room. 

“Hey! We should at least pretend you won't be a dick this whole time! Don’t boss me around!” You realized that you had said that just a bit too loud for the circumstances. Maybe you weren’t nice. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y: Okay! I just left class, do you have my salmon nigiri?  Y: You won't believe how good I was today. P: WHST  P: who are you?  P: The y/n i know would never ever say that.  P: Yes i do have it ready :) Y: I had to partner up with Him :/  Y: The strength  Y: Also he has finger tattoos?  Y: What the fuck.  P: You didn’t see them before?  Y: Sir traffy has been through it P: I wonder if hes like some ex-gang member? P: That is such a gang member thing to get tattooed P: Why aren’t you responding?  P: Helllllooooooo  P: y/n P: y/n P: ….

“Rona! You are literally crazy. I was walking over here, that's why I wasn’t responding.” You closed the door behind you, making sure to lock it. 

“Anyways! I’ve never seen you have such a strong reaction! To a guy no less, did he like to recite everything in the declaration of independence?” Perona called out to you while you entered and took off your shoes.

You walked over to the kitchen, where she wasdoing some dishes. Tossing your bag on the couch, then taking a seat at the bar that was connected to the kitchen. “If he did that I would’ve proposed on the spot… He just is kinda smart? It’s freaky! One second he’s brushing me off and not wanting to talk to me at all, the next he's explaining the cause of the First Crusade? Well… Kinda.” Perona turned with two plates in hand, and took a seat next to you. She placed the plate of sushi in front of you, “Well honestly i'm not surprised… Bepo says he is always studying.” 

“You talk about him with Bepo? Perona…” you made a disappointed face at her as you pulled your plate closer to you. “Noooo it’s all kosher! Bepo just offers up info about everyone he knows. I think he just doesn’t have a filter or whatever.”

“Yeah…” you took a piece of nigiri and dipped it, then ate it. As you chewed and swallowed you thought of your dad, “Do you think your dad would come visit us here?” 

“Hmmm only if your dad forced him to. I can picture it now ‘don’t you miss our girls?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Then lets go! You pay and ill bring the beer!’ ‘beer isn’t allowed on a plane shanks’ or something like that…” Perona tried her best but didn’t really get the overall attitude of your dads. You decided not to comment and just take another bite. 

“Do I get to know why you asked?” Perona said, food in her mouth.

“Traffy, as you call him, has hair as dark as Mihawk’s. It made me think of him today…”

“Sigmund Frued would have a lot to say to you right now.” “No he wouldn't, he’s dead.” 

“Not for long…” “What the fuck?” You both burst out in laughter at the same time, something you had only ever done with your sister. 

After dinner it was off to bed, except you weren’t actually sleeping. Your laptop was open on your lap, on the google slides page. The document was created, named, and shared to Traffy. It wasn’t the most well-mannered thing, but you decided that nicknames meant you’re friends. Your sister desperately wanted you to have friends, and this would make her think you had them. You didn’t like the deception, if you could call it that, but it's not like you were gonna go out and get real friends. 

You started typing away, filling out 3 slides with information and pictures before deciding to get actual sleep. 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

🍕to find this later

Aita: i called the pizza my husband was eating nasty

For some context, this will seem random but it may factor into emotions right now

My husbands best friend just moved in with us 3 days ago

My mother in laws dog was diagnosed with cancer today, and will be put down tomorrow. Everyone is very heartbroken

We were in the car after getting some groceries and my husband mentioned he was thinking of picking up pizza since he knows no one has eaten much today and definitely wont feel like cooking

I dont like pizza much, i especially dont like little caesers, im very very open about this and always have been. If im ever given a choice i never choose little caesers, but if i am hungry enough ill eat a slice or two.

We all have really dark senses of humor and often poke fun of each other and of each other's interests and laugh it off no big deal. We do this daily

So I'm sitting in the bedroom playing games, my husband and his best friend are hanging out in the living room. My husband comes over to the bedroom and says hey Im going to pick up pizza Ill be right back

Time passes and the pizza comes and everyone goes and sits at the dining room table to eat. Theres three boxes, two different types of pizza, my husbands favorite, stuffed crust, and my usual favorite thin crust. Everyones talking and I don't remember exactly what was said but my husband mentions something about thin crust my favorite or something like that. I say something like "actually with little ceasers i prefer the normal pizza the thin crust doesnt have much sauce and i like the sauce". I finish eating and get on to my handheld console and keep playing my game, half paying attention to the conversation. At some point, I honestly don't remember at all what I said or what was being said, but I remember vaguely my husband saying the box they got is "normal pizza" and i said no its not his is stuffed crust which is nasty. I was being playful, i dont like pizza to begin with, i like the crust even less, and stuffed crust just really really isnt my thing.

A few minutes later i notice my phone has a notification, i look to see a text from my husband saying I was being rude because his friend paid for the food.

I was at first extremely confused, was me playing games at the table rude? They were using their phones while eating and talking so i didnt think so. Was it because i said i didnt like the thin crust? At this point i genuinely dont remember saying the stuffed crust is nasty and dont understand what i did wrong. I text him back asking what he was talking about and he says that i called the food nasty. I thought about it and vaguely recall saying it Playfully but again i was paying attention to my game and not so much to what was being said so i dont even remember for sure.

I got really upset and kind of mad, I had just been joking and i never say ugly things to people ever so it hurt that he assumed i ment the worst.

Even then there had been absolutely no way for me to know his friend bought it. He told me he was thinking of buying pizza then he said he was going to pick it up. Plus it happened to be my and his favorite pizzas so it seemed like he picked them. I had been in a different room there was no way i could of known what they planned or who paid or anything.

Plus whenever he buys or cooks food i always tell him his is gross or nasty or w/e Playfully. And he calls my food gross too. We joke like this all the time.

And even still, weve been together for three years and weve known each other longer than that. He knows i dont like pizza. He knows i dont like crusts. Its not a strange thing for me to be vocal about it. In faxt itd be strange if i didnt because like ive mentioned we Always poke fun of each other's foods and of each other.

And maybe this is just a me thing but. I dont feel like its rude to call something like little caesers nasty, especially around people who know i dont like it? Itd be one thing if it was a strangers cooking id say something polite like "i dont think its for me" or just say it was good if i wont see them again. Or if i was at someone's house and they bought pizza for everyone. But for all intents and purposes it seemed like my husband bought it and, i cant stress enough how normal it is for us to pick fun at each others foods. He makes fun of my subway order all the time. I always call little caesers gross.

I dont know if feelings are just tense because the beloved family pet passed

Or if he's feeling extra defensive of his friend since he just barely moved in

Or if im in the wrong entirely for being upset and it actually is highly rude of me. Though. I genuinely dont understand since we make fun of each others food all the time. So if i am the asshole can people please try to explain why because i genuinely dont understand what made this different to him saying the black olives on my subway are gross. Or me normally saying little caesers is gross. Like i really dont get whats different so id really appreciate an explanation

What are these acronyms?

[brightdarkness-2013]

Chapter 28: And Here It Comes!

Summary: The day of the attempted merge is drawing in.

Several days of what felt like wasted time. Several more days with Prowl making me learn his language rather than the other way around. Several days of Blaster laughing his ass off at me. I was about ready to throw in the towel. Sure I knew that I wouldn’t be gone for long if I did get frustrated enough to walk out, but it would be a great couple of days. I already knew how they would go. I would spend those days ignoring calls, listening to music, playing video games, and eating to my heart's content. Then I would come back and be back to this. But I wasn’t at that point yet. So here I was. Writing and rewriting symbol after symbol. Percy and Jack were having a field day with our notes on what these symbols translated to. I didn’t know exactly what they were doing with them, but I assumed they were trying to find a pattern or compare them to already know symbols and mer mythology or something. Whatever it was they were doing was going to be brought up to some serious big wig scientists and theorists at some point I was sure. Hopefully by then Prowl would be out of here and making a new home out in the ocean somewhere. I would miss him there was no doubt about that, but when it came around I didn’t want him being taken off somewhere and studied. He had already been through enough and he didn’t need anyone else poking and prodding at him.

“Ok. Done. How about we have some fun now, huh? Puzzles are great. Lets put together some puzzles. Or we can eat some candy. I’ll go get one of those mixed packs with kitkats, m&ms, and snickers.”

“Yeah he’s not going for it.” Blaster responded as he just shoved another carved coral piece at me before pointing to the seashell.

“Come on, Prowls. Doesn’t it at least Sound fun?”

“Jazz, your education is far more important than some candy and puzzles.” Blaster scolded mockingly. “You know if you learn enough words or at least get enough of them written down then we could write him a message to get him to understand that we’re trying to teach him Our language. And the more you get down the quicker that’ll happen. So get writing.”

“How about You waste all day writing nonsense and then ya can try and say that again.”

“It’s not nonsense. This is a real language of the sea here. And you’re the first to learn it so you should feel privileged.”

“Oh whatever. Besides as excited as I am that we could eventually speak to Prowl I really don’t want him stuck being interrogated and gawked at by people. I know the media would eat this up as much as some serious people in the scientific and marine fields, but in turn so would the public and… Prowl doesn’t deserve that. He’s been through enough.”

“I wouldn’t worry. Ratchet will keep people away if we can’t.”

“Yeah I suppose you’re right on that.” I laughed softly.

“After all this is a sanctuary for injured and ill mers. This isn’t a zoo you know!” Blaster did his best impression of Ratchet and I had to admit that lifted my spirits quite a bit along with pushing away my worry.

The people here were good. They cared for the mers. No matter how they acted they were worth protecting. No matter how damaged they were worth saving. Even if they seemed like they wouldn’t make it no matter what they did they would at least try. They wouldn’t let anything happen to Prowl. They’d fight it if they pestered him or tried to take Prowl away. I suppose this was why I liked the people here so much. The people here put some of my faith back in humanity. The faith I had lost through the years. What was eighteen years with neglectful and controlling parents compared to what I could do with the rest of my life? Sure most of the friends I would make here would be fish- mammals, but what did that matter in the long run? Maybe one day I could be fluent in Prowls language. At least writing anyway. Being able to talk to mers whenever would be pretty neat.

“So the big days tomorrow.”

“Huh? Oh. Right. I hope Prowl doesn’t rip their heads off or something. He really doesn’t seem to like them from long distance. I can’t imagine how he’s going to like them close up.”

“Eh. Prowl’s pretty level headed. He won’t go and attack them. I really don’t think it will end in violence this time around. I think the odds are good.”

“With how things are going I don’t think they’d hurt him either, but that leaves things up to Prowl and ya know how stubborn Prowl can be. If he says no he Never changes his mind.”

“Bribe him with a few m&ms every once in awhile to be nice and see where it goes.”

“I don’t think that will work out. If anything he’d take them anyway and still say no. He’d think I owe him for putting him in that situation.”

“Oh yeah. Well prepare for the worst and hope for the best then. The sooner he makes nice with one of the other pods here the sooner he gets out. Well after he teaches you how to write.”

“I know how to write.”

“Well he doesn’t think so. And what I mean is if things go well then we might have some more time with him to teach you his language. He’s the only one that’s actually tried or at least been willing to try and teach the language. At least to our knowledge. Maybe there is someone out there speaking and living with the mers or whatever, but this will be the only time it’s documented.”

“Who would have thought my seeing Prowl on a rock back in highschool would lead to this?”

“I know. Life really is something else.”

“The funny thing is I really thought that Prowl was an annoyance back then. I was walking home and then I ended up feeding him because he was too injured to hunt. Now I can’t picture my life without him there.”

Next

First

Masterpost

[dottielovegood]

A Midsummer Night's Dream

Since yesterday was Summer Solstice and Midsummer is tomorrow, I thought that it would be fitting to write a little fic about human Elain during her first summer solstice/midsummer without Feyre. 

It is said that if you pick seven different flowers and put them under your pillow on midsummer, you will dream of the man you are going to marry. Who is the man visiting Elain’s dreams? 

Set during ACOTAR

Pairing: Elriel Words: 2581 Content warnings: none

Elain was standing in her garden, eyes closed and face turned toward the sky. Summer had finally reached their little village and she had almost forgotten how good the sun felt on her skin. Just like she had forgotten what it felt like not to worry about money and food. 

It had been months since she had seen her younger sister, Feyre. She had left so suddenly to go and take care of their old aunt Ripleigh who had fallen ill. In all honesty, Elain could barely even remember an aunt Ripleigh, and she could barely remember the night when Feyre left. Thinking back on it only made her head hurt and the memory was blurry - as if there was something wrong with it. It was like remembering a dream just after waking up and then forgetting it the very next second. It was there, yet it wasn’t. Elain couldn’t explain it, nor could she talk about it with Nesta. She would surely think her mad if she uttered a word about it, so she kept her mouth shut. It’s not like they didn’t have enough on their plate. 

A few weeks after Feyre’s departure, another peculiar thing happened. Somehow, their father, who had been nothing but a broken shell of the man he once was, had been able to get enough money to pay their debts, and then some. Elain didn’t think about this too much, either, because every time she did, she realized how incredulous it was. Things didn’t add up, and she was wary of things being too good, too fast. Shortly thereafter, they moved into a chateau of white marble with emerald roofs. She wrote to Feyre about their new house, about the servants they now employed, about the garden she wanted to grow, yet she received no reply. Her father’s spirit had lifted and Elain did everything in her power to seem happy even though there was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that something was wrong. She didn’t want to be a bother, so she put on a brave face. Sometimes, she envied Nesta. Nesta, who had turned inwards even more since Feyre left them. Nesta, who ground her teeth every time Elain talked about balls and suitors. Maybe she found Elain trite for caring about such things, but she didn’t understand that Elain had to care. She had to keep up appearances. Yes, they had gotten their old lives back in a way, but Elain knew how fragile it all was. She still remembered how it all had been taken away once, which meant that it could happen again. Elain vowed to herself that she would never let that happen. So she put on a smile and did whatever she could in order to secure a good future for herself and her family. She went to the balls, she accepted suitors into their home during the socialite season, she listened to the gossips that gathered in the town square every day just to find out who the most eligible bachelor was. And then she made up a plan on how to get him to ask for her hand. 

She pretended as if it didn’t bother her that the people who had turned their backs on their family for years now welcomed her with open arms. She pretended to actually care about the mindless conversations she was forced to endure while drinking tea with the other ladies in town. She needed everyone to like her. Her mother had once said that she would marry for beauty and love, but Elain wasn’t sure that was true anymore. Now, she thought that she might marry for security. If something were to happen to their father, she needed to be able to take care of her sisters. She was not going to let Feyre do it all by herself again. When Feyre returned, she was going to make sure that she knew that Elain wasn’t taking her for granted anymore. And with Nesta refusing to meet any suitors, Elain knew that she was their only hope. As a woman, there was only one way to secure a good future - by finding a good husband, and Elain was going to do just that. Just a few days ago, she had received a letter from the son of Lord Nolan, asking her to join him for tea in a week's time. Elain had almost started jumping with glee when she read the note. This was what she had been striving for. Graysen Nolan was one of the wealthiest bachelors in the village and he would surely make a good match. If she could charm him, she would never have to worry about going hungry again, nor would her sisters. They would be taken care of. So she accepted his offer and prayed to the gods that he would find her charming. From the way he had looked at her during the latest ball she attended, she knew that he already found her attractive. Knew that there was something that drew him to her. Now she just needed him to see beyond her exterior. Beauty was a short-lived currency, this she knew, so she needed to show him that she would be a good wife, mother and homemaker if he was going to choose her. 

It might not sound like much work, but Elain was exhausted. Always keeping up appearances and pretending as if the last few years never happened was tiresome, and she needed a rest. From her garden, she could hear music and laughter from where the townsfolk had gathered in the square. It was midsummer eve, the longest day of the year, and they were all celebrating the arrival of summer. Elain could almost imagine them all dancing around the maypole, singing silly songs and drinking a bit too much wine. The children would make flower crowns and eat too many sweets, just like every other year. It was a lovely tradition, but she couldn’t muster up the energy to attend. She had already gotten what she needed - the invite from Graysen Nolan. She could afford to not be social, if only for a day. 

Elain dug her toes into the soft grass underneath her bare feet and took a deep breath. She had given the servants the day off so they could all attend the midsummer celebrations, and so that she could enjoy some peace and quiet. Their father was away on business which meant that she and Nesta had the house to themselves - a rare occurrence these days. Although, she might have been here all on her own since Nesta was nowhere to be seen. She often kept to her room when she was home. Elain wondered why Nesta seemed even angrier now than when they were living in the cottage. They had gotten it all back - a beautiful house, more money than they needed and a good reputation. Elain couldn’t understand why Nesta seemed to hate everything they had been given. Sure, Elain didn’t understand their sudden fortune, but she was thankful nonetheless. She knew that she should talk to her sister, but every time she brought it up, Nesta just sighed and muttered something about Elain not being able to understand. Elan wanted to understand, and she hoped that Nesta would come around eventually. 

Elain let out a breath and opened her eyes, squinting from the bright sunshine. In her hand, she held a small bouquet of six flowers. She bent down to pick one last flower, a bluebell. Midsummer was said to be a magical day. There were all kinds of mystical stories and fairytales surrounding midsummer, and even though Elain hadn’t believed in those stories since she was a child, there was still one tradition that she enjoyed. It was probably silly, but it was said that if you picked seven different kinds of flowers and put them under your pillow, you would dream of the man you would someday marry. When they lived in the cottage, Elain had kept up this tradition even though Nesta laughed at her and told her that no one would want them now. They were destitute, fated to become spinsters, if they didn’t die first. Elain couldn’t let Nesta’s words into her heart. Hope was all she had back then, so she picked the flowers and prayed that she would see the man of her dreams. But every year, she awoke from a dreamless sleep. She was certain that this year wouldn’t be any different, but she was not going to lose hope. Hope is, after all, the last thing that abandons you. If you lose hope, you have nothing left to fight for. For years, she had lived on hope alone. And if this year had shown her anything, it was that dreams could come true. She thought that if she just hoped a little bit more, then maybe she would have everything she could ever dream of. 

So Elain held the flowers tight in her hand and returned to her bedroom. Maybe, just maybe, fate would be on her side this year. 

Later that night, she fell asleep with hope in her heart and seven flowers hidden under her pillow. 

Jasmine flowers grew out of dark shadows. They shone like small beacons of light in the darkness. Like stars in the night sky. Elain could hear her own heartbeat, or maybe it wasn’t hers? Something told her that she should be afraid, yet she found comfort in the darkness. Found comfort in the shadows that wound themselves around her body like ivy. She stretched out her hand to touch one of the white flowers. The soft petals tickled her fingertips before her hand was enveloped in darkness. A moment later, the world was bathed in a dim blue light. It seemed to be pulsing, following the same rhythm as her heartbeat. In the distance, she could see the shape of a man among the shadows. She couldn’t make out much in the darkness, but she knew that the light was coming from him. She didn’t know how she knew it, but she knew she should go to him. Knew that all the answers to her questions could be found there, with him. Whoever he was, wherever he had come from. He was the answer. 

She stepped closer, careful not to scare him away. Her nightgown clung to her legs and she could almost feel his eyes on her - assessing her. Silently asking her questions she didn’t know the answers to. She tried to speak, yet no words would leave her mouth. As she got closer, she could make out his dark messy hair. Could see that he was wearing black leather, an obsidian blade strapped to his thigh. He looked strong, stronger than any man she had ever seen before. Lethal, even. Dangerous. But she was not afraid. She lifted her gaze to his face and found two hazel eyes staring back at her through the darkness. 

“Who are you?” Elain managed to ask, her voice steadier than she felt. 

There was no answer. His eyes swept down over her body and Elain felt herself shiver. She could almost feel those eyes as if they were hands running down her body. She wanted his hands running down her body. Wanted so many things she shouldn’t want. She didn’t understand. Why was she here? 

She was close to him now - not close enough to touch, but close enough to finally make out all his features. Elain searched her brain for words to describe him, yet the only word that seemed fitting was ‘beautiful’. She had never seen such a beautiful man. His skin was dark, though it seemed to glow in a magical sort of way. His eyes were warm, and maybe she only imagined it, but she thought that she could see small flecks of gold there. He seemed like something out of this world. Surely, something so beautiful couldn’t be human. 

“Hello, little fawn,” he drawled, his voice smooth like velvet and shadows. He was darkness incarnate, yet the bright blue light emanating from him never seemed to dim. The shadows surrounding him seemed to be a part of him - an extension of his very being. As if he was wearing his soul outside his body. 

She didn’t understand the nickname and she was just about to ask him why he called her such a thing when she saw them. The wings. What she had thought was a cluster of shadows above him was actually two taloned wings. They had no feathers, no. The smooth surface reminded Elain of the bats that lived in her garden - creatures of the night, just like him. She stopped breathing for just a moment - from fear or shock or something else entirely, she didn’t know. She only knew that she had been right - this man was not human. She wasn’t even sure he was a man. He was something otherworldly, something dangerous, something to be afraid of. She knew that she should be afraid - yet, there was no fear to be found. She searched within herself but found nothing but curiosity and awe. He had come for her, though she didn’t understand why. 

“Who are you?” she asked again, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“You’ll find out when you need to know.”

Elain felt her heart race, her breathing quicken. She knew that she didn’t have much time, though she couldn’t remember why. Why was time running out? Why was he here? Where was here? Was she supposed to know? 

There were so many questions on the tip of her tongue, though the only words her mouth would form were, “You came for me.” 

The creature's face relaxed and he looked at her with such warmth that Elain had to suck in a breath. He looked at her as if she was something precious, something to take care of and treasure. No one had ever looked at her like that before. A small smile formed on his lips, and Elain thought that she had never seen something so beautiful in her entire life. “I will always come for you,” he said, and Elain knew that he was telling the truth. She didn’t know him, didn’t even know what he was, but she somehow knew that he could be trusted. She wanted to go to him, but her feet seemed rooted to the ground. She looked down just to see that her feet were covered in ivy, and when she looked up again, he seemed far away once more. She opened her mouth to call for him but yet again, no words came. She could feel herself panic. She didn’t want him to leave. She needed to know who he was. She needed to know his name. Needed the answer to her question, though she had forgotten what she needed to ask. 

She blinked, just once, and the world became blurry, something bright breaking through the darkness. Elain reached out a hand, hoping that he would grab it and hold onto her but she was met with nothing but smoke and shadows. She blinked again, and he was gone, replaced by something too bright, too…wrong. 

“Please,” she whispered as the last of his shadow disappeared only to be replaced by a blinding light. A heady scent of night-chilled mist and cedar lingered as she slowly returned to reality. 

[freddiemercurylegendabovelegends]

Today, on 13th January, 2017

Lord Snowdon, former husband to Princess Margaret and photographer,died at the age of 86

Brian May remembers

Sad to hear of the passing of Lord Snowdon. I can’t say I was his friend, though perhaps I would like to have been. We did spend a couple of days together as Queen (the rock group) and portrait photographer, and it was very memorable. I knew of Lord Snowdon from when I was quite small. As Anthony Armstrong Jones he had married the very glamorous Princess Margaret, in Westminster Abbey, in top level splendour, televised in colour (!) and celebrated throughout the land. Somehow it caught my imagination, gave me a thrill, to the point where I pasted a picture of the handsome couple in my personal photo album. It was a fairy-tale. Shy handsome commoner weds beautiful royal princess. Much later I realised that Tony Armstrong Jones, now Lord Snowdon, was a dedicated artist, a gentleman photographer in true Victorian style, and that his world had stayed quite separate from the Royal Family he had married into. I believe he had a Victorian sensibility in more than one way. A Gentleman, certainly, and a man of independent means, he did not need to take photographs to earn a living. It was his art. And in the details of his practice, too, he adhered to early traditions of photography. He believed that the essence of a sitter for a portrait was to be revealed only in natural light.

Well, this is what he told us, when the four of us found ourselves at his house, our mission being to find the elusive ‘Group Shot’ - a four-fold portrait of a Rock Band, for the cover of an album. Now this was around 1981, about 35 years ago. So the portrait of this session in my mind is a little faded. But Snowdon was a delightful, thoughtful, modest and gentle man, given to pausing to ponder, in his walking around the room, with a slight limp, a relic from a childhood illness, as he looked at us, planning his shoot.

I’m sure Roger has better recollections than I, but I seem to remember us sitting around a little awkwardly, sipping coffee, discussing what we were trying to achieve. I don’t believe we had any preconceptions at all … the four of us hadn’t had the chance to confer beforehand, and I think on this occasion we didn’t have a plan. We assumed that this accomplished photographer would bring a fresh approach. We’d done a lot of this kind of session, of course, over the years, notably with George Hurrell, iconic Hollywood portraitist, and Mick Rock, who had pulled off a very memorable diamond format four-shot on a black background, which not only graced the cover of our early album Queen II, but, brought to life, became the shot that everyone remembers from the Bohemian Rhapsody video some years later.

Snowdon told us that he didn’t want an overriding theme - he didn’t think we need to ‘try so hard’. He said he wanted us naturally filling the space, and he was absolutely insistent that the lighting would be natural too … only the daylight which pervaded his studio, again, Victorian style - more or less a glass-house. He would not use any artificial light. Now I may be wrong about this, but I seem to remember we talked so much and drank so much coffee, that time passed and the light started to fade. Anthony took some test shots on his large-format camera (no 35mm for him) and wasn’t happy. So he said something like … "I know what to do now, but we missed our slot. I’m not going to use studio lights - I want the quality of daylight in this shot. Can you come back tomorrow?” Strangely enough we could. And then it was all very quick. He took a few solo shots of us singly (I wonder where they are ?) And then went for the cover shot of the four of us. I think he only took a couple of dozen shots, very much like we’d seen Hurrell do. He knew exactly what he wanted, and he knew when it was in the bag - even though he couldn't verify that on the spot. The developing of the negative had to be done, and prints made, before anyone could see the result.

So we said our goodbyes and left - and … that was it. The picture we wanted arrived a couple of days later, and it was perfect for what we needed - nicely balanced in composition, with all of us looking quite decent; understated, a little formal, yet not stiff, and beautifully lit by Nature herself, with a little help from Lord Snowdon.

The album ? It was to become the biggest selling British album in History - Queen’s Greatest Hits.

We decided to mount the picture in an unusual way. Inspired by the first Superman Film, we skewed the photograph as if it were mounted flat on a piece of glass spinning through space. So our faces are distorted by perspective. Years later, for the re-issue for Universal Records, we decided to ‘undo’ that distortion, and on this cover you see Snowdon’s picture exactly as it was taken. Pure ! I like that version best. As Snowdon himself might have said … it wasn’t trying too hard.

You won’t find this stuff on Wikipedia, of course. In the anarchy of the Internet based information, anybody can contribute stuff as long as they are citing someone who said it previously ! So the entry as I just looked at it is a ripe mixture of fact and inaccuracies - they don’t even mention who took the cover photograph. Who will write history ? Well, certainly not me … with my memory weaving its own spells at this distance. But History was certainly made in those fleeting moments when we were privileged to enjoy the company of that fine gentleman, Snowdon

RIP

Bri - january 13, 2017

(source: brianmay.com)

[the-chosen-fanfiction]

Yussif | To Wed Or Not To Wed | Romantic

You seek out rabbi Yussif to talk about your anxiety regarding your inability to find a husband. 

Requested by Mae

The synagogue of Capernaum is like a towering presence in front of you as you stare up at the pale yellow stone, taking in the sight of the impressive columns. You can’t recall the building being this frightening to you. Perhaps it’s the fact that your heart weighs like a heavy stone inside your own gut and hammers in your throat at the same time. You pull your hood a little tighter over your head, not wanting to be seen by anyone. The last thing you need right now is to be questioned. 

You carry on inside through the open door, nodding at a few passing Rabbis as you make your way over to the man you recognise to be Jairus.

“Excuse me.” 

He stops in his tracks and turns to you, smiling at your familiarity. 

“Oh, (Y/n)! It’s good to see you again—” 

“—Sssh.” You look around skittishly for a second. “I don’t want people to know I’m here.” 

Jairus frowns. “Why not? Is this because of Jesus—” 

“No!” you quickly counter, nearly flinching at the volume of your own voice a few strange glances are cast your way. “ I mean, no. I am just wondering… Is Rabbi Yussif in?” 

Jairus looks down at the parchment in his hands. “Uh, let’s see. He… He is, but he has an appointment right now.”

“Until when?” 

“For another twenty minutes or so, but there are different rabbis available in case you need someone to talk to.” 

“No!” you say again quickly, gaining these same glares this time with less patient intent, and you sigh in slight embarrassment, feeling your face flame.

“Are you really sure this isn’t about Jesus?” Jairus wants to know. 

When you don’t answer him immediately, he gives you an apologetic look. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business anyways, since these talks with rabbis are confidential after all. I’ll squeeze you in right after his meeting. If that isn’t convenient for you, I could see if he’s got some space for you tomorrow morning—” 

“I can wait.” you say with a soft smile. “Thank you, Jairus. I appreciate it.” 

He gives you a nod and smiles. “Of course, it’s nothing. A friend of Jesus is a friend of mine.”

You shoot an anxious look into the room. Jairus seems to sense your unease and chuckles lightly. “Don’t you worry, (Y/n). I won’t say His Name too loudly.” 

Jairus leads you towards the study where you know Yussif to be sitting, and gestures at you to wait here. Then, he walks in towards the young rabbi and interrupts his current session with someone by whispering something in his ear. Yussif perks up, turns over his shoulder for a moment, and smiles a bit before giving you a small nod. You quickly look away, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“He will call you into his office as soon as he’s done. You may wait in mine, if you want to? We could talk about… You know.” He raises his eyebrows, causing you to smile a bit. You know that ever since Jesus healed Nili from her illness, the secretary has been eager to talk about Him whenever he has a chance to. 

“Maybe some other time,” you tell him, because even though you love the fact that both of you are believers — the mouth overflows of whatever the heart is full of — you do not really have the headspace to talk about something else right now.

You patiently wait inside the hallway for your turn, pacing back and forth as your heart races with every sound that comes from Yussif’s study. When the noise of chairs scratching over the tiles echoes off the walls and the footsteps of two men approach, you quickly gather yourself. 

“…So if there is anything else you need, you know where to find me. I hope this word of the Lord has helped you further in processing your wife’s passing.” Yussif sounds kind as he lets out the older man he had been assisting. The man hums and nods.

“Thank you, teacher. I will certainly come find you again if I need another word of reassurance.” 

The old man nods at you in greeting and you make the same gesture before you step into the office. Yussif smiles at the familiarity of your face as you appear on the threshold. 

“Miss (Y/n). Shalom shalom!” 

“Shalom shalom, rabbi.” you answer with a small smile. His kind eyes sparkle warmly. 

“Come on in. Jairus said you wanted to see me.”

You follow him into the small yet open space and he gestures at the chair you had been sitting in a while prior while here with Eden to discuss her miscarriage. Yussif repositions his headdress before sinking down in his chair, straightening his back as he shimmies it closer to the desk. 

“What did you want to speak about?” 

“Well, last time I was here, I was supporting my friend Eden, who was going through a very rough patch in her life. The way you helped her, I—I thought it was really inspiring. I… I was wondering if you’ve got a word of God for me regarding my… My own issues.” 

Yussif hums, his face turning somewhat more serious as he observes you. “I think you’ve come to the right place to receive a word from our Lord, yes. If you can be more specific on the issues you mention, I am certain I can be of better service to you. Share as much as you are comfortable with, of course. After all, I’m a man and you’re a woman, and you’re here without a chaperone.” 

Your gaze flickers up to meet his as your heart skips a beat. 

“Oh… Right, I forgot about that. I… I should have asked Zebedee to come with me—” 

“It doesn’t matter.” Yussif says, “There’s others walking past this room all the time. You’re here already, and you are in need of my assistance, so I’m here to provide that regardless of you having a chaperone.” He gives you a small smile and it eases your sudden nerves.

Fiddling with a loose thread on the skirt of your tunic, you overthink the words you want to say. Part of you feels humiliated to even be here to talk about such a topic to begin with, and all the ways you had considered saying it to bring it subtly flee your mind at an instant.  

“Well, I’m… It’s kind of embarrassing.” 

“Don’t you worry, (Y/n). There is nothing too humiliating to discuss around here, in front of God.”

You let out a shaky breath and barely dare to meet Yussif’s gaze. 

“I just… I’m… Afraid.” 

“It’s alright to be afraid. Everyone is. Even in Torah, many prophets were afraid, but they trusted in God, and they received the courage they needed to do His will.”

“No— I, I mean… That’s not what I meant with afraid.” You avert your gaze as Yussif attempts to find yours. 

“Then what are you afraid of?” 

“I— I feel like I…” 

The words die on your tongue and you try to fight the sudden stinging behind your eyes. 

“Like you what?” 

“Like I won’t be enough.” 

 “Enough?” 

Pausing, you try to gather the courage and find the right words to not come across as some fool. You dare to meet Yussif’s warm eyes as he smiles gently. “Good enough to find a husband.” 

His brow furrows immediately at your worries. You mistake it for judgement and feel yourself start to stutter.

“I—I understand if that feels superficial or egotistical, but I feel like—” 

“No, not at all.” Yussif quickly says. “I mean, you’re not the only woman who struggles with this kind of issue.” 

Something akin to envy suddenly hits you for some unknown reason, your heart unpleasantly hammering inside your throat at the notion of more women coming to talk to him about such a topic. Not that it would have to matter, of course, for Yussif is a Godly man who is just doing his work to serve Him. If anything, you should be feeling glad that more women in Capernaum feel comfortable enough around the teacher to talk about such things with the Pharisee in question. Still, you can’t shake the feeling. 

Yussif takes a deep breath as he starts to explain. “It is not uncommon for women of your age to fear they will not find a husband.” His cheeks flush as he clears his throat. “Not that I mean anything by that, bygones. The fact you haven’t found one yet is quite surprising in and of itself, but…” As he trails off, you feel your heart leap as you wonder if your ears are deceiving you. Yussif only blushes deeper as he realises the implication of his words, and once again coughs. “What I am trying to say is… It is not uncommon and even less so humiliating. It is important to wait for the right person to come along. Marriage is no light matter, and if our parents aren’t around to arrange such a thing, sometimes you might have to wait a bit longer. Is your father still around? Has he… Introduced any bachelors to you?” 

You swallow hard at the sudden inquiry about your parent. You shake your head, wiping your clammy palms on your skirt. “No, and neither is my mother. I’ve been an orphan since before I reached the proper age to marry.” 

Yussif’s shoulders deflate as he sighs. “Ah, I see. Well, the lack of a dowry might be off-putting to some parents who are looking for a bride for their son, but that might even be something positive. Look at it this way… If they truly want a good wife for their son, they shouldn’t even care about what is in it for them, yeah?” 

His words are kind and hold truth, but it doesn’t ease your nerves about not being able to find a spouse. You bite the inside of your cheek and lower your gaze, causing the rabbi to think for a moment, hoping to find the correct words to support you with. “Would you like to hear what Adonai has to say about marriage?” 

“I already know the words.” you quickly say, with an edge of bitterness that has you blush deeply and close your eyes in shame. “I’m sorry. I… I know the words, but I feel like they don’t apply to me. I can’t even imagine a man choosing me that way, wanting me that way.” 

Yussif lets out a hum as he gives you a pondering look. “Do you feel like you are undeserving?” 

Your eyes shoot up to meet his, widened and filled with sudden tears. His question hits home and he knows it, giving you a kind look as you try to find an answer that already lays in your silence, loud and clear as is. 

You swallow hard to prevent yourself from crying. 

“You are deserving.” Yussif whispers, “I don’t know you a whole lot, but I know you well enough to see that you are kind, gentle and caring. You helped out your friend Eden in her darkest hour by bringing her in front of the Lord, which is admirable.” 

“I didn’t do that by myself—” 

“—You are humble, and Godly, and beauti— I mean, you have a beautiful heart.” Yussif clears his throat quickly, taking a sip of water before continuing, “The kind of woman that a lot of Godly, righteous men in Judea would love to have for a wife.” 

“I have been travelling with this Preacher—” 

“—Jesus of Nazareth.” Yussif quickly says with an expression on his face that you can’t quite read, but his voice has a warm undertone, causing you to smile.

“Yes, Him.” you breathe, “Well, I’ve been travelling with Him and His company, and among them are several men, who are yet to be married.” 

Something dejected shifts into Yussif’s gaze for a second, but it disappears just as fast. 

“Is… Isn’t there someone amongst these who… Who you might deem a potential…” 

He doesn’t finish his sentence. You can’t put a finger on the reason why he seems to be so hesitant.

You give a small shake of your head, and you could swear the rabbi exhales in relief. “No,” you clarify, “They are all a bit like… I don’t know. Brothers, I suppose. I can’t see any of them at my side in such a way, be it now or in the future.” 

“Good. I—I mean— It’s good that you maintain certain standards in order to find a proper romantic partner, and that you take your time to… To consider whether someone is or isn’t a good fit.” 

“Do you think I’m too picky?” 

“No! No, not at all, I—” Yussif overthinks what he is trying to say for a moment before sighing. “What I am trying to say is that you are a woman of commendable nature, who is taking a cautious approach to finding herself a spouse, which is very understandable. After all, you are familiar with loss and thus understand the sacredness of such a bond. You live close to God and keep His commandments. I think that God is waiting for the right moment to introduce you to a man who is equally yoked and worthy of you. Trust in His timing, not your own.” 

“His timing.” You repeat the words in a whisper, causing the young rabbi in front of you to smile and nod. 

“Yes. The Lord works in mysterious ways. Who knows? You might one day run into someone and suddenly everything clicks into place, and you wonder why you ever worried. Or… Or you might know him already, and perhaps that on a certain morning you will wake up, see him walking down the street and suddenly you realise that what you’ve been looking for was right in front of you all along.” 

The statement hangs heavy in the air between you two, but far from awkward as Yussif gives you a kind smile. You mirror it, seeing a certain spark in his eyes that has your gut flutter with an inexplicable surge of butterflies and you look away to keep yourself from blushing. You bite your lip in thought, mulling over the words before you breathe in to speak.

“Right in front of me. I will keep that in mind.” you whisper softly. There is tension in the air you can’t quite place, but neither of you dares to address it. The silence that follows is meaningful. Yussif is the one to break it.

“Are you able to do something with these words?” 

“Yes, definitely. I think it was just what I needed.” 

Yussif smiles kindly, and even though he doesn’t feel like cutting the conversation short, he can’t suppress a sudden yawn.

Only now, you realise the sun has lowered itself already as no light streams in through the windows anymore. Behind you, the synagogue has slipped into a more peaceful, quiet state. Yussif must be working overtime, causing you to put a hand over your mouth.

“Goodness! I’m so sorry for keeping you.” 

You stand quickly, Yussif following your action as he puts a defensive hand in front of him. “No, not at all. By all means, stay if you need to. It’s… I’m glad to be of help. It’s my work after all. If there is a fellow believer in Jesus is in need—” 

—A fellow believer in Jesus. The Pharisee’s words die on his tongue, but you’ve heard enough to know the weight of his words and the meaning behind them.

A smile spreads over your lips. Yussif is dumbfounded for a moment as you tug your cloak a bit firmer around your shoulders. 

“Thank you, rabbi Yussif.” you say softly, giving him a small nod. “I think… I know that I will remember everything you said. It means a lot to me. God bless you.” 

“You’re— Uh, you’re welcome. My… My door is always open.” 

You smile softly as he starts seeing you out, halting at the threshold of his office. You press your fingers to your lips and then against the mezuzah on the wall before turning to him.

“Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind. Have a good night, Yussif. Shalom shalom.” 

“Shalom shalom, (Y/n).” He parrots and watches you walk off, already heading for the exit. 

With a certain spring in your step, you forget to pull over your hood, not anxious to be seen all by yourself anymore. There is something about Yussif’s sincerity and kindness that has you feel especially giddy tonight.

Rabbi Yussif tidies up his office before clocking out, with newfound energy coiling inside his chest, as if something new has just started to blossom. 

[seiuslife]

“A Cure of my Sorrow {IvanTill/TillIvan Modern Au}”

|Summary: Ivan learns that he's been accepted by his dream university and in a few weeks, he'll be graduating. He's happy but at the same time worries about Till. So he goes to him and tells the news.

⌞ ⌝ -ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ᯓᡣ𐭩⌞ ⌝

Ivan was ecstatic,even more overjoyed that he's been accepted by the university. When he questions his father,his father dismisses it but his mother suggests a celebration for such an early success with only his father nodding in agreement. But one thought lingered in Ivan's mind, 'what about Till?'

'Hmm,I need to tell him the news, hopefully he won't react too much. But I don't want to leave him too.' Ivan thought,even when doubt surrounds him. He's been talking nonstop about that university,he's too excited yet very worried.

Ever since this whole fake dating started,he had doubts about dating his best friend from childhood. He felt Till also felt very off about this,but they both gave it a chance. The counting days turned into weeks, then turned into months and now a year has passed. He remembers it all...

He remembers how Till loved to see the sunset views,even with no reason. He remembers that Till is an awkward dancer. He remembers that Till loves to draw. He remembers how Till hates being left alone,even if he has Mizi or Sua. He doesn't know why.

.

.

.

.

.

Well,that's over. Ivan decides to meet up with Till by tomorrow to tell him the news,but something tells him that whatever's going to happen,it will not end well. Ivan brushed it off and went to sleep... Finding it harder to sleep and dream. He decides to text Till to meet him at the park after school.

⌞ ⌝ -ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ᯓᡣ𐭩⌞ ⌝

*The next Day

School just ended and Till decides to check his phone. Fortunately,he didn't have any activities from the club so he was free. He sees Ivan texted him

“Meet me at the park,see you there Till~ ＼⁠(⁠^⁠o⁠^⁠)⁠／!”

Till is a bit skeptical and texts back

“What do you need from me to be there?”

“Something really important to tell you (>ᴗ•) !”

“Uhh,sure whatever (◔_◔)”

“Aww,what a cute little emoticon(⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)!”

He puts his phone away as he walks to the park. Till itches this weird feeling,the feeling of uncertainty and... unwelcoming. But he brushes it off and walks ahead. The more he walks,he still feels that uneasy feeling. It doesn't stop,it feels like a never ending fright.

He runs,runs,runs and runs... He doesn't stop to look back, he's scared. He's afraid that he doesn't know if he can stop. He's unsure,he needs someone, someone,someone... He needed Ivan...

"...ey...ill."

"Hey...ill!"

"Hey Till!"

Till wakes up,on the ground. 'Must've passed out' he thought to himself...

Ivan's P.O.V

While waiting for Till,I kept worrying about how he might perceive the news. Sitting down on the bench as I process my thoughts, I know he isn't the best at taking bad news,but I couldn't keep it a secret until graduation,would've hurt so much more...

Suddenly,I was cut off by my thoughts as I heard someone fall to the floor at the entrance of the park. It was Till! I rushed to help him stand up,but when I got to him,he wasn't breathing properly.

His breaths came short and I could feel his body trembling. I took a step back before I held my body close to his,trying to calm him down. If I can remember,the first time this happened was at his house.

While doing school work,he suddenly went cold. I could hear him breathing weird but soon realized that was sweating and on the verge of crying. Nobody was in the house,I didn't know what to do. Then I could suddenly feel his body against mine,like he was hugging me. I could feel him trembling and his tears staining my uniform,but I didn't care.

We stayed like that for a while until he finally calmed down. I patted his back to ease the tension,and all of the sudden,he said : “Please...Please don't disappear...”

And now it's happening again. I patted his back like before and held his face. Those tears gave me a chill down my spine but I still wiped them away with a smile. Soon,he realized that I met up with him,he got up pretty quickly and brushed himself off. It left me speechless but I chuckled a bit.

“I've heard about your message,so what's the news?”

And right I was about to tell him,I felt a lump in my throat. It was screaming that I needed to tell him the news,I wasn't going to anchor the news any longer. Hesitation rises and so does Till's impatience,but before he could say anything,I told him.

“I've got into my dream university!”

I could feel the atmosphere change. It felt different,it felt much colder...

“Wait,you actually got in? W-Wha-,so you're going to enroll there after graduation?”

“Y-Yeah, I mean, I don't know where else I'll go after graduation-”

“So you're going to leave me?”

Those words alone struck me. I knew it,I knew he wouldn't take the news well. But even I didn't expect myself to get emotional as well. My chest started to beat loud and fast,it felt like it was aching it a whole. I felt something blur my vision and something dripping down.

“Answer me... Ivan...”

I couldn't say anything...much less than I could. I could see him leave,I didn't want him to leave yet. I wanted to scream to stop him. Anything,please God,I don't want him to leave.

And at that very last moment,I hugged him. Stopping his every move, tears streaming down as I try to tell him.

“Till,please don't go. Please,I'll visit once in a while. I promise,just don't go...not now”

He doesn't push me off. He doesn't respond even when I beg. I could hear my heart beat faster,but it's not out of love.

Till's P.O.V

I don't have words,if anything,all I can feel is resentment,anger, desperation... I didn't want him to go yet,but... It was always his dream to go there and now,I don't know if I'm keeping him away from this opportunity or not.

I withdrew his comfort,his hands that brought me the love and calmness that I needed. My lip trembled,but I managed to get my words out to him.

“N-no,I can't make you stop this big opportunity just for me. Besides,the college has more work than in high school.”

I chuckled through my tears,but I knew he would see through it.

“Till *hic, I don't get it,I don't understand. All I ask is a promise-”

Before he could continue,I placed a finger around his mouth as I looked into his eyes. I could see that fragile yet determined soul still bursting,I shudder under my breath as I feel his skin through my hands. Warm yet cold.

I held his hands and with a shaky breath,told him my last feelings for him.

“If it's a wish for an us,then it's a wish to end a promising career,Ivan. Don't throw away all of that just for me.”

I felt his shaking hands as he struggled to find any words he could say.

“Till,I want there to be an us. I love you just as much as the sky can hug the stars.”

“You're still romantic,as always. Ivan,I love you too...”

I stopped there. If this was going to be our last meeting at this park,then I want to make a memory of it. In a sudden motion,I kissed him. My last gratitude of goodbye,these last sorrowful tears wasted. All of it was for him.

I pull away before things get out of hand. When I looked at him,I could see that look,the look that told me 'Now I get it.'

“Then Till, I'm thankful for a year,11 months, those counting weeks,days,hours,minutes and seconds. That I hope you cherish in your heart.”

If this was our last goodbye... I'll make it an event to cherish.

“Ivan. Thank you for loving me as I am. Thank you for going to every concert I could hold. Thank you for being there at my worst. Thank you for giving me a fresh breath of life.”

“Thank you so much,my cure”

I could feel his breath stopped. Ivan,my cure. A nickname I gave to him when we celebrated our first anniversary,it was from a song that I made in my album. Before I could think any more,he snapped me back to reality and I felt his warm smile towards me.

“You're welcome,my sorrow”

⌞ ⌝ -ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ᯓᡣ𐭩⌞ ⌝

Featuring promotion art:

[sturnstvs]

space camp - chris sturniolo

summary: in which scarlet is a model for the space camp photo shot and chris catches her attention

warnings: use of y/n, a brief mention of ADHD, i dont know if chris really does have it but in some stories he will as this is complete fiction

modeling was always something y/n wanted to do, it was a passion she had since she was a child. she worked hard for it, having the perfect body the perfect skin, with this it gained her a lot of popularity in high school, but the one thing that popularity taught her was boys are jackasses.

when she graduated high school the first thing she did was go to LA, she had always wanted to go and she saved enough money from her job in her hometown that she was able to. with the one trip to LA to try and find modeling jobs, she managed to get herself a manager and ended up spending the whole summer in LA.

after that summer her manager told her it would be best for her to permanently move to LA, which is what she did. she was able to get a apartment and move to LA full time.

madi filipowicz had heard of y/n. she was all over magazine covers as well as social media, so when she heard that her best friend was launching a brand and needed modals for a photo shoot she knew exactly who he should call.

when y/n got the call from her manager that the nick sturniolo wanted her to be a model for his upcoming brand she was ecstatic. i mean come on its nick sturniolo. her manager told her that it was in a couple of days and she would find out about everything when she got there.

so fast forward to friday which was the day of the photo shoot and she couldn't be more thrilled.

"hi, im nick sturniolo you must be y/n right?" nick greeted her when she walked through the door to the warehouse

"yes, it's nice to meet you, im a big fan" y/n told the boy

"oh, thank you! i didn't think that someone like you would know me" he told her surprised

"no! you're so great" y/n said to the the brunette as they walked through to the back

"okay well, this is where they will get you ready and everything and ill meet you out there" he told the girl with a smile

"alright, thanks again for this opportunity" y/n told the boy excitedly

once y/n was ready she went out and did the shoot, which went better than she was expecting.

while she was in the middle of the shoot one of his brother which she assumed was chirs kept staring at her. now don't get her wrong she thinks he is really attractive and all just that she had a rule. you don't date any people working around the set. maybe if she met chris outside of the set or maybe if she didn't work on the set at all she would pursue talking to him romantically, but it would get too complicated and her manager forbid it.

"alright that's a wrap for today, y/n can i talk to you for a sec" one guys behind the scene asked

"yeah sure" she got up and made her way over to talk to him

"nick personally asked, if you could of course, come in tomorrow to do a one on one set with him, we already talked to your manager and she said it was good"

"of course, same time" y/n noted

"yep, and thank you again"

the next day came quicker then she expected, leading her to the moment she is now, right outside the door of the ware house once again, unbeknownst to her christopher sturniolo was on the other side waiting for her

y/n was not the only one to notice his stares, but his brother as well as his manager had also noticed them. they told chris he cant become involved with one of the models as it would ruin the set and if it didn't work out they would lose one of their best models again.

chris of course being the person he is argued against this, but then again they hadn't really met which didn't really help his case, he needed to see if their connection was good enough in order to have a good argument which led chris to now.

nick was in a meeting at the moment about his brand so this was the perfect opportunity now that she was here. so he opened the ware house door and bombarded her with questions right away.

"hey im chris, you must be y/n! nice to meet you" chris told the girl enthusiastically

"hi yeah, im y/n, but i really got to go i have a photo shoot" scarlet told the boy softly

she didn't appreciate the stairs from yesterdays shoot and she didn't want to pursue him at all, unfortunately for her it seemed like he had the opposite idea.

"nick is in a meeting right now, but we can get to know each other maybe" chris told the girl

"i guess" she agreed, she didn't want to be rude it was her bosses brother after all.

the two got to know each other and it turns out they had a lot more in common then she originally would have thought. it turns out that he had ADHD which explained his hyper activity earlier on in the morning, he also found out that she has been modeling for a few years. the two really hit it off and nick noticed this when he came out of his meeting to find scarlet and chris laughing on the couch.

nick didn't like where this was going and something like this has happened before with one of the models but maybe she was different so he let it slide and him and y/n did their photo shoot, which turned out better then expected.

something y/n did know that day is she was definitely going to hang out with christopher sturniolo again.

[thedancingcostumeyoungadult]

A Season for Lovers (part 3) - S.R

Doctor Spencer Reid returns after two years away, joining the social season with eyes only for one young lady.

Part 1 here, part 2 here, part 4 here

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Warnings: eventual smut but not in this part, mutual pining, brothers best friend trope

Word count:~ 2250

After dinner is finished and Spencer leaves, you wait until the house has long been silent before creeping out of bed and slipping outside, your shawl wrapped tightly around you as you steal across the lawn and into the trees. 

“Spencer?” You call softly into the darkness, your eyes searching the tree’s shadows for his silhouette.

“I’m here, my angel.” His warm voice sends a thrill of joy through you as he comes into view, your feet already carrying you forward and into his waiting arms. He immediately draws you close to his chest, his hand tilting your face up to his so that he could kiss you.

“I missed you.” You murmur against his lips, and even though it had only been a few hours, it was true. All you’d been able to think of was him and how badly you wanted to be back in his embrace. Luckily, he seems to understand as you feel him smile.

“I missed you too.” You pull back a little to look at him, even though in the darkness you can’t see much. But you swear you know his face by heart and what you can see by the light of the moon is just enough to satisfy you. 

“We’re getting married.” You whisper as if it’s some secret, albeit a joyful one. He laughs, giving you a squeeze.

“Yes we are, and the second we have a date I will be counting the days.” 

“Well with the way my mother and aunt have been talking I think they’ll have the whole thing planned by supper tomorrow.” His hand finds yours in the dark and he laces your fingers together, bringing them up to rest the back of your hand against his chest. 

“Does that mean I get to marry you the day after that?” You hear his smile more than you see it, letting out a quiet snort as you shake your head.

“If only.” He goes quiet for a moment, his thumb brushing across your knuckles.

“I want to tell you something.” He speaks so quietly that if you were only a step or two farther away you would have missed it, and his words settle heavy in your stomach. You don’t think it could be anything bad, and you know about his work and his mother’s illness, but the anxiety sets in anyway.

“Tell me.” You plead softly after he pauses to wait for your reaction. He takes a deep, slightly shaky breath, and then speaks. 

“My father barely managed to do his duty to us, but I want to do more than my duty for you. I want to hear your laugh and see your smile every day and if there’s days when you must cry, I want to be there with you, to hold you close and bring you any comfort I can. I want to share your life, my angel, every joy and sorrow.” You can’t reply for a moment, not trusting your voice to work properly around the lump in your throat, any traces of anxiety immediately vanishing. When you can speak again, you do so softly, not even wanting the trees to hear. 

“I want to give you everything, Spencer, I want to give you every joy in the world. I want to wake up to you, and raise your children—“ He cuts you off with a kiss, his hands desperate as they grip your waist to pull you ever closer to him. After a moment of surprise, you kiss him back eagerly, your fingers tangling in his hair and brushing along his jaw. You pull back when you feel wetness on his face.

“Spencer,” you exclaim softly, gently sweeping away the tears you find on his cheeks, “my love, what’s wrong?” He shakes his head, a grin breaking out across his face as his hands come up to cradle your face.

“Nothing, angel, nothings wrong.” He rests his forehead against yours, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. “I just–” He breaks off with a breathless chuckle, kissing your cheek quickly. “I just needed to make sure that I’m not dreaming right now.” Your quiet laughter joins his, your foreheads resting together as he wraps his arms around your shoulders, your own snaking around his waist.

“No, you are very much awake, my love.” He tucks your head under his chin, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Good.” You hold each other in silence for a while and as you do you listen to the steady thud of his heartbeat against your ear, the breeze rustling the leaves, and the faint thrum of the nighttime creatures. This, you think, is what Heaven must feel like.

“Did you mean it?” He asks, his hand running in steady strokes up and down your back.

“About children?” You don’t lift your head from his chest as you reply, your fingers drawing absentminded patterns on his shirt. He hums in affirmation and you can’t help but smile to yourself as you nod.

“I do. I do want to raise children with you, Spencer.” His hand trembles slightly as it comes to rest on the back of your head, cradling you impossibly closer as he tucks his face against your hair. 

“I can’t wait.” 

-

“We have known Spencer all his life, he and his mother are very dear to us and it would give us no greater joy than to help with the wedding preparations.” Your chest is tight with emotion as Lydia Beaumont speaks. She’s an older woman with distinguished silver hair and a kindly demeanor that shines through even more when she fixes you with a warm smile. 

“If you’ll have my help, of course.” You know practically nothing about wedding planning, so you jump at the opportunity to have the help of not only your mother and aunt, but her as well.

“I would be delighted to have your help, thank you Mrs. Beaumont. I remember your daughter’s wedding seasons ago being absolutely stunning.” Your mother commandeers the conversation, eager to get things sorted out and in order, and you do your best to follow along but you quickly find your eyes glazing over as she rattles off things that need doing. Catching your eye, Mrs Beaumont speaks up.

“I believe our young bride might be getting a touch overwhelmed. How about I come back tomorrow and we can draw up a plan then?” She stands and quirks an eyebrow at you.

“My dear, would you be so kind as to walk me out?” You’re standing in an instant, allowing her to loop her arm through yours and together you make your way out of the room. In the hallway, you walk in soft silence for a few moments before Mrs Beaumont speaks. 

“I must say, we’ve been waiting for this for a long time, my dear.” You cock your head to the side, casting her a slightly confused glance.

“Waiting for what, Mrs Beaumont?” 

“Waiting for Spencer to pluck up the courage.” She continues without pause, seemingly oblivious to the way your heart felt like it would leap straight out of your chest. “I remember when he came to stay that summer some years ago, I was the one that introduced him to your brother, you know. Anyhow, we had him to supper at our house and your name came up. Bless him, that poor boy turned so pink he looked like he’d been sunburnt.” You can’t help but giggle at the image as you were nearly overwhelmed by giddiness. All this time you truly hadn’t been imagining it, the gazes that last a moment too long, the passing grazes that left a thrill in your stomach. 

“I didn’t know.” You can’t keep the smile from your face as you reach the front door, opened before you by Michael. Mrs Beaumont pauses in the doorway, turning to you with a smile and a warm sparkle in her eye. Gently, she brings one of her hands up to touch your cheek.

“I am glad he found you, sweet girl.” 

-

“James? Come inside please, it's going to rain.” Spencer can’t help but smile at you from his seat in the drawing room as you call out to your cousin through the double glass doors, left slightly ajar. The breeze wafting through does smell like rain, though the young boy outside doesn’t seem to realize or care as he frolics around the small garden.

“No it’s not!” He answers cheekily, dashing away when you go to chase him, the grin adorning your face making Spencer’s own widen further. A sudden roll of thunder sends the boy scurrying inside, straight into your arms where you scoop him up, letting him bury his face in your neck as the first large drops of rain begin to fall outside. 

It was an image he would not be quick to forget even if he could, you cooing softly to the child on your hip, and it fills his chest with a heavy, desperate want, pushing the air from his lungs as he imagines it being his child in your arms. He swallows thickly as you set the boy back on his feet, whispering something to him before he scampers away deeper into the house. He pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind, hiding them away as if you could see them as you reclaim your seat across from him, pulling your embroidery frame back into position. 

“He’s a character.” Spencer speaks quietly, gazing softly at you over the edge of his sketchbook, a small sketch of your likeness just finished and hidden under his hand. You glance up at him with another one of your smiles that feels like it sets the world back on a steady axis.

“He’s a little devil, you mean.” Your eyes only linger for a bare moment on his but it’s long enough for his heart to stutter and sink when you look away. His eyes stay on you, the blush pink of your gown a bright spot in the dim gray light as the rain picks up outside, the little furrow between your brows as you inspect your work so endearing to him. Thomas’ book snapping shut makes him jump. He’d truly forgotten that his friend was there, which he feels slightly embarrassed about as the other man stands.

“Well it seems we won’t be going out this afternoon after all, so who’s up for some cards?” Spencer looks to you as you set the frame aside with a cheeky grin.

“Only if you’re both prepared to lose.” And lose they did, Thomas because you’re better than him, and Spencer because he let himself. He would rather tarnish his reputation as a card player than pass up seeing your giddy excitement as you win round after round, much to Thomas’ frustration.

“Again? She’s cheating, I know she is.” Spencer merely shakes his head and pushes the last of his pile of candied fruits over to you, grinning to himself as you happily pop one in your mouth and shoot your brother a gloating smile as you add the rest to your already sizable collection.

“No, brother, I am simply that good.”

-

Another summer rain has trapped you inside, though this time Spencer finds himself rejoicing because the squall has trapped him at your house, and it gives you the opportunity to simply be together for a while. You find yourselves in the library, with the adjoining door into your father’s office opened, of course. Shoulder-to-shoulder on the small couch, he’s coaxed your hand into his, cradling it between his palms as he watches your eyes crinkle in laughter at the story he’s telling you.

“And he pulled you in?” The humorous sparkle in your eyes as you look up at him leaves him slightly breathless, rushing to answer your question.

“Dragged right in after him.” You erupt in sweet giggles and his heart leaps joyously in his chest at the sound. He'd spent two years clinging to the memory of you, your laugh, and now he gets to bask unashamedly in the warmth you give off. He only wishes it had happened sooner, a sentiment you seem to share as your giggles cease.

"I feel as though we've lost so much time." You murmur, a soft, plaintive look on your face. Spencer can't help but smile down at you as he replies.

"We'll make up for it." A light dusting of pink appears across your cheeks as he brings your hand to his lips, placing a tender kiss on the knuckle of your ring finger, just below the ring itself. “We’ll have all the time in the world, my love.” He lowers your intertwined hands, and, unable to refrain any longer, driven forward by the ache in his chest that begs him to be closer to you, leans forward and presses a slow, tender kiss to your lips. You melt into it, the soft warmth of your lips driving any and every other thought from his mind. For a moment, there was nothing in the world but you and him and the soft rumble of the rain on the windows. Then, out of sight in his study, your father coughs, some papers rustle, and you two break apart, reluctantly returning to an acceptable distance as your eyes flutter back open. 

“What was that for?” You whisper, a smile playing at the corners of your mouth. He simply shrugged lightly.

“I just wanted to kiss you.”

~~please like and reblog and tell me what you think!

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A season for lovers taglist

@livelaughlia @r5court @lifeisacrisis

Message me or send an ask to be added to the taglist!

[voidwhump]

“But now this room is spinning while I’m trying just to fill in all the gaps.”

Safety Net | Swooning | “How many fingers am I holding up?”

It begins. I can safely say be ready for a part two to this tomorrow because I already wrote it so it's definitely there!

Ingredients: Unspecified illness, vertigo, nausea mentioned, not expecting help, mostly comfy

They navigate mostly by muscle memory toward their room, drifting into the wall for support without really noticing. The texture of the paint absorbs their focus briefly, cool, slightly rough, before they’re pulled away from the wall to face someone. Do they know him? They squint, but even only a foot or so away from them their vision is blurred. He’s saying something, he’s already quite a ways into saying something in fact. They’ll catch up later, if it’s important he’ll follow up and they’ll deal with it then. They nod at the end of whatever question they were just asked, and their stomach drops as the world tilts abruptly to one side. He’s moved in to catch them, and they push him back, try to form some sort of reassurance. The words don’t come. Their vision goes staticy. 

The next thing they hear is a not so quiet conversation being had between the person who stopped them and someone who must be at the end of the hallway. The footsteps of the new person approach rapidly, the floor vibrating a little as they get close. The floor is nice. Lying down might be the only thing they’ll ever do again. 

“Have they been out long?” That’s the new one, her voice has body, like the has a cello in her throat. 

“Not really, not even thirty seconds I think.” 

They should do something, they don’t like that these two are worried about them. Fortunately, opening their eyes seems possible now. They blink, the ceiling coming into focus. That’s better, maybe all they needed was a reset. That thought is quickly proven wrong, though, as they roll their head to look at the two crouching next to them and their vision streaks and breaks as they move. They blink a few times, but the doubled edges of the two worriers don’t resolve. The floor seems to be back at its tilting again as well, despite them being plastered to it. They feel like they’re being pulled down, as if the wood wants to absorb them. 

“Hey, are you listening?”

Oh, did they miss something again? They mumble a yes that barely leaves their mouth, and close their eyes to focus on the words.

“I said, do you think you’ll pass out again if you stand up?”

They shrug. “I’ll deal.. With it. I think.” They can hear themself slurring the words and slow down in the middle, sacrificing a normal talking speed for clarity. They roll to get up, swallowing as the lurch the motion causes intensifies the vertigo into nausea. As they sway on their knees, the first person puts an arm around them. They flinch away at first, not expecting the gesture, and he pulls back as they do, but they start to slump back to the floor almost immediately and he moves back in. He’s warm. Just the heat from his arm is enough for their shoulders to relax. They’re standing, albeit with most of their weight on him and now the second person. They’re not sure when she joined him. Or that sure why. They’re up on their feet now. Walking might be challenging, but they’ll have to get back to their room somehow. They are moving though. Mostly being carried, but now that they’ve caught up to the situation they put in some effort, taking some of their weight back. They’re trying to only lean on the two when they lose their balance, but they’re off balance more often than they aren’t. They could use the wall for this, it would be slow but they’d get there. Maybe they come across as too disoriented to find their room, so the two would be walking them there anyway. That would make sense.

They’re still thinking about it when they reach their door. How do the worriers know?  Do they know the woman? Or were they guiding the two?

“Key?”

Right, that. They fumble with their pocket and retrieve it. The keyhole proves evasive, the overlapping edges of everything they see combined with the constant dizziness making the small target impossible to hit. Eventually, one of the worriers places their hand over theirs and guides them, and finally they’re at home. This is the end of the line as well then. No reason to think they can’t figure out their own apartment. The man shifts their weight onto the woman and they prepare to be placed in their entryway. They can use the table by the door as support, but the more they think about it, the more it seems like they’ll end up crawling to bed. Maybe they’ll just sleep on the floor.

The world tilts again, but there’s something supporting their head and back. They’re in bed. Did they do that? They jump when the woman places a hand on their knee. She’s still here. She’s probably saying something too, but the bed is soft and they’re done thinking for the day. They’re asleep before she starts taking their shoes off.

[shirohige-pirates]

Just Like Fire

CisFem Reader x Portgas D. Ace

CW: angst, language, erotic, violence, serial killer, stalking, poisoning, over-bearing controlling parents, attempted forced marriage, possible dub-con, Munchausen by proxy (aka Factitious Disorder), wildly cute and fluffy despite the warnings. 18+ only

Summary: You're Sabo's biological sister in this AU. After college you moved in with your dear brother and his two sworn brothers in order to avoid going back home. You and Sabo despise your family equally.

Chapter 10: New Medication

“My apologies, but what did you just say?” You ask, interrupting Ichiji.

The morning had been a flurry of getting breakfast cooked, and lunches packed as everyone scampered off to work, and then you had taken a nap. Sleeping in the tent had been comfortable enough, but none of you had slept very long before you had to get moving again.

Sabo had ensured that you didn’t need to go to work today, and promised he would be back as soon as he could manage. You had his number and the emergency number for Dr. Law in case anything went wrong while you were home alone.

Aside from the expected call from Ichiji, the only thing you needed to do today was take it easy.

The conversation with Ichiji had started out well enough. You apologized for having to be short with him yesterday, and after realizing that your mother had made him aware of your “illness” you had told him how you had been in the hospital that day. You avoided specifics, which was easy enough. Nobles had a tendency to talk in circles by default, so answering without truly answering was second nature.

Ichiji agreed to a second date, not this coming weekend, but the one after, and it was during that agreement that he said something that had caused your blood to run cold.

“Your mother informed me that a new medication had been developed.” He repeated, before continuing on. “One with less side effects than those you currently suffer.”

Your mouth was drying up, but you did your best to keep it hidden, infinitely grateful that you were having this conversation over the phone and not face to face.

“I’m surprised to find I’m aware of this before you are.” He admits, and you snap into focus.

“She likely just found out recently herself.” You say quickly. “She probably wanted to have them in her hands before she said anything to me.”

“How kind,” he says, and you can almost swear you can hear the doubt on his face. “You have quite the doting mother.”

“Indeed.” You answer flatly. You never exactly sang your mother’s praises, being that there was nothing worth praising her about, but you did try to avoid bad-mouthing her. Words traveled faster than light among nobles and antagonizing your mother would only result in your own misery. “I expect I’ll receive a package and a letter later today if not tomorrow.”

You try to say the words as though you’re happy about it, but after yesterday’s revelations all you can really muster is anger.

“My apologies.” He says suddenly, and before you can ask what he means he continues. “I didn’t mean to step ahead of you in this news. It must be a little alarming to hear it from me versus your mother.”

“It’s… I appreciate your intent, Prince Ichiji, but it is still good news, so thank you.” You say a little stiffly.

The conversation wraps up afterward and you’re sitting in the middle of the floor just staring at the middle distance for a long time. Anger will only wear you out, but you don’t know what else to feel at this point.

Relief, perhaps, that you know the truth behind the “medicine” already, and aren’t going to have your hopes raised by some medication that’s tainted in a different way.

You aren’t sure how long you sat in the middle of the living room floor staring at the back of your eyelids, but you heard the door unlock. Sabo was calling from the foyer before you could see him.

“You awake, lil’ spark?” He questions.

“Unfortunately.” You admit a little more morosely than you intended.

“Did mother call?” He prompts, stepping into the living room and crouching in front of you.

“Ichiji.” You grumble. “But he’s apparently talking to her.”

Sabo’s eyes go wide. “Oh?”

“Yes, and mother decided to tell him all about my illness, and to reassure him that a new and improved medication is on its way to me, and the side effects should be much less, and he shouldn’t be concerned about any issues.” You explain, snapping the words off at their bones in your anger.

You sit quietly for a few minutes with Sabo. Your hands clench and unclench, you’re struggling to keep your composure, and your brother is giving you time to either let it out or tuck it away.

“That… that bitch!” You finally let your anger out. “That manipulative, useless, two-faced, utter failure of a mother! How dare she!” You cry and Sabo sits with you. “How dare she peddle poison as hope! I can’t – I can’t stop thinking about how I would have been grateful! Honestly grateful!”

Sabo hugs you and you nearly wail into his shoulder. “I would’ve thanked her! If not for yesterday, I would have thanked her for poisoning me less!”

For a few minutes you let your rage and frustration out. Sabo holds onto you, hands twitching as you’re sure he’s become as angry as you have, but he sits with you quietly. You cry until you’re hoarse, and Sabo steps away long enough to bring you some water and tissues before he resumes sitting on the floor with you.

You drink some water, and clean up your face, taking a few deep breaths before you nearly whisper the next words. “What’re we going to do?”

“Stick with our current plan.” He says, grabbing your shoulders and giving you a reassuring look.

“Revolution seems a bit extreme.” You say, though you’re not arguing against it.

“If it were just for us, then yes.” Sabo says. “But there’s far more at stake than our freedom.”

“I know.” You say with a sigh.

For years, you and your brother had spoken of revolution. At first it had been a way to simply release the pressures you were under, but as time had gone by, your ideas had become more concrete. It wasn’t just ideas shared between you and Sabo either, you knew he spoke to Luffy and Ace about it, and you were 99% certain that the firm he worked for had its hands deep into the idea.

Honestly, they likely had long before even you and Sabo had begun talking on it yourselves.

At the very least, Sabo’s plans and ideas had become far more detailed and well grounded since he began working at the firm. He kept his conversations with you focused on gaining freedom for the two of you, vs trying to take on the weight of freeing the world. Part of that was for your own sanity, you were sure, but also it was likely for your safety.

Revolution was treason, and treason was not a charge anyone was safe from, not even those who counted themselves as Celestials.

Initially you had just planned on exposing all of the dark secrets you were aware of among the Nobles and Royals, using that knowledge to fan the fires of revolution and start breaking down the misconceptions around the nobility and the government.

Now, you might have a better spark. Rather, you may be a better spark. Sabo had called you his lil’ spark for years because your words had been the first to spark change in him – turning his frustrations into something he could act on.

Right now, you didn’t have the energy or capacity to worry about the possibilities of revolution. You were already dreading the risks of detoxing from years of poison, how it would or could impact your capacity to work, and the issue of Ichiji. Holding him off until you were ready to go public with everything could become a tight timetable.

If there was a way to make him walk away without saying any more than you needed to, that would be ideal.

“Ichiji.” You say after a few moments of silence.

“I don’t think you need to worry about him right now.”

You shake your head. “With everything that’s happened, I keep forgetting that I wanted to try and talk to Sanji about him.”

Sabo tilts his head. “Why Sanji?”

You make a circular motion around your eyebrow. “His eyebrow twirled the same way. Well, no, I think it was in a different direction, but it was so similar. I was hoping, that if there was something useful to know about Ichiji, Sanji might know.”

Sabo considers it for a moment. “I’ll talk to Luffy. I know he mentioned that Sanji left his family behind some years ago, but if we’re talking royalty, then Luffy might not even know the details.”

“The Vinsmoke family is from the North Blue too, I can see Sanji coming all the way to the New World for the same reasons we did.” You admit. “But I also don’t want to risk him just for information. Ah, can you help me stand, my legs have gone to sleep.”

Sabo helped you get to your feet, letting you hold onto him for a few minutes while all the pins and needles went down your legs. He teased you for it, as siblings do, and the topic of conversation turned to lighter things between the two of you.

When Luffy returned home you talked to him about Sanji. He only knew Sanji was originally living and working on a restaurant boat out in the East Blue before he had come to the New World with Luffy and a few others. Everyone’d had their own reasons for coming to the New World, but the journey had brought all of them together.

Sabo and Ace had left before Luffy, but everyone had reunited in the New World. In that way, everyone had gathered their own odd collection of friends – the three brothers acting as a kind of hub between the groups.

“As a matter of fact,” Ace says in the middle of dinner. “For a few months I thought Sabo was dead.”

“I had thought the same of Ace.” Sabo admits.

“What happened to cause that?” You question, absently smacking Luffy’s hand away from your plate.

“Big storm.” Ace and Sabo reply at the same time.

“A big wave knocked me off the boat.” Sabo admits. “Ace couldn’t jump in to try and help me, and by the time the storm settled he was adrift on what was basically a raft.”

Ace nods. “Man, I was so lucky Thatch and the fourth were out on leave. Double lucky they decided to take the Whaler out.”

“The Fourth? A Whaler?” You question.

“The station’s home to sixteen divisions. The city’s divided into eight districts.” He explains. “We use the main station the most, but there’s satellite stations that have crews too. When everyone was there for Ducky’s birthday, that was still barely a third of the crew, but you need enough people on standby, cause you never know when a fire will happen. Thatch heads up the fourth division.”

Ace takes a few bites and then continues. “Pops – ah, the fire Captain, he has a few boats. He was kind of a wanderer when he was younger, but he lets us use the boats when we need or want to. So sometimes people will take vacations just cruising on them, or sometimes it’ll be for travel to other islands. The Whaler has a white whale vibe going on. Its proper name is Moby Dick, but, well, you know how a bunch of rough neck guys can get. Everyone just calls it the Whaler.”

“I see, thank you.” You say, before turning to face Sabo. The look on your face causes him to flinch. “You know, brother dear, you never mentioned a storm.”

Luffy and Ace freeze, looking from you to Sabo for a moment.

“I – I – I couldn’t exactly send such news back h-home.” He stammers his answer out hastily. “And then, well, I mean, afterward it was all done and passed, right? So, n-no need to dwell on such matters, yes?”

“Is Sabo… nervous?” Luffy questions Ace quietly.

Ace nods, but you don’t let your focus shift. “You could’ve told me when we started talking about me moving in. I knew your journey couldn’t have been entirely safe, but lost at sea during a storm is a bit more than I had assumed. Brother. Dear.”

“I survived!” Sabo says, nearly squeaking the words. “The event was done, there wasn’t anything else for it.”

You sigh. “You’re right. I just… I don’t want you to shelter me from bad news. Sometimes it can feel like people keep me in the dark because of my… er… condition, I suppose.”

Sabo’s nervousness melts away and he smiles. “Lil’ spark, I will not coddle you, I promise. I certainly won’t keep things from you under some false belief that you’re weak or anything like that.”

“I appreciate that.” You smile, sliding your plate toward Luffy now that you had eaten as much as you could.

A knock at the door causes Ace to get up. “I got it.” He says, motioning for you and Sabo to stay seated.

You hear the door open and a few muffled exchanges of words before Ace calls your name down the hall.

“(Y/N), there’s something you need to sign?” He says in confusion.

There’s a second of confusion on your face before you sigh and you and Sabo go to the door. You sign for the package, and thank the courier, before glowering at the box. Giving it a small shake you can hear the pills rattle inside.

“The new medicine.” You grumble. “I imagine Chopper will want to have it.”

Your phone starts to ring, and you make an even more frustrated sound. Pulling it out of your pocket you look at it and turn it toward Sabo.

“Can I ask you to answer this?” You ask, showing him the screen with Mother showing on the front. “I don’t know that I could feign joy right now.”

“My pleasure.” Sabo says, grabbing the phone with a strange glint in his eye as he presses the accept button. “Ah, mother, how are you?”

“Yes, yes, she is fine. Resting now. Work has been taking a terrible toll on her, as you predicted.” He says exaggeratedly. He rolls his eyes as he listens to her say things you can’t make out on the other end. “Oh yes, we did receive a package, just a few moments ago… Oh it is new medication? How fortuitous! Of course, of course, once she is struggling against things less it will be easier for her to work.”

Sabo gives you a smile and you can hear panic in your mother’s tone, and your brother’s words clue you into what you expected. “Oh, you hoped it would aid in her dating Prince Ichiji? Of course, I am certain that it will also have a positive effect on that relationship. Mmm, mm-hm, yes. Yes, I did have the chance to meet him, quite the fellow. I am again amazed at your skill, mother dear, finding such an exemplary royal for our dear, sweet, (Y/N).”

Sabo’s expression goes flat and he’s making a gagging motion, sticking his finger in his mouth and sticking out his tongue. You put your hand over your mouth to stifle a laugh, and you can hear Ace snort as he and Luffy are trying to keep quiet.

“Yes, of course. I will most assuredly let her know you called, and I will be sure she takes this new, improved medication sent with all your love, mother dear.” Sabo promises, free hand flourishing in the air as he lets the lacey words spill out. “Indeed, indeed. All my love. Yes, okay, thank you – good bye.”

Sabo hangs up the phone and hands it back to you.

“Fuckin’ hells, I need a drink.” He says, walking off to the kitchen.

“Don’t forget to turn your contractions back on, brother dear.” You tease, following after him.

Luffy and Ace trail behind you and just as Sabo turns toward you all, the two of them start bowing toward one another.

“After you, Luffy dear.” Ace says in the snottiest accent he can muster.

“After you, brother dear.” Luffy says, eyes closed as he tips his favorite straw hat.

“Stuff it down both your throats.” Sabo says, his mock growl turning into a laugh despite his efforts as he pours himself a drink. “Ugh, I forgot how oily it feels to have to talk to her.”

“You can get away with only once or twice a year.” You say, pulling his drink toward yourself and leaving him to pour a second one. “I get to have that call almost every month.”

“Do you hafta talk like that every time?” Luffy asks as Sabo starts pouring a drink for everyone.

“Yup.” You answer before taking on an accent earlier to what Sabo had been using. “Contractions are the gateway to ineptitude; one must not fall victim to such reckless discourse.” You roll your eyes. “That was some of what was in those books we plastered against the wall at the station.”

You pause for a moment. “I almost feel bad about it.”

“About what? Soaking those awful tomes into oblivion?” Sabo questions.

“Lil’ bit.” You admit. “I mean, it’s not the book’s fault someone wasted ink on that awful dribble. If anything they’re good examples of what not to think.”

“Or do.” Sabo adds.

“Or say, really.” You agree.

[woneuntonzz]

torn and folded .ᐟ (1/2)

📞 ; “respectfully, you're disgusting.”

𖹭 : bully!seunghan x bl reader, amab!reader

💭 you loved your free time in manga reading websites, not him though, he thinks you need your senses sorted out for you, and so he would...

⤷ contains: mlm pairing (this is pure fiction and is in no way

made to assume the idol's sexuality!!), angst, bullying,

homophobia towards mc (i myself have struggled with), fluff,

humor (kys/kms jokes), mention of other idol names for world

building

⤷ wc: 11.2k!! (not proofread :p)

-ˋˏ under the cut .ᐟ ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Attraction has always been a tough concept that fiddled with your mind, and for years you found it hard to figure out where you lie in this aspect. For a while you thought you were just like every other guy, too afraid to fall for a girl. 

You would meet your best friend’s sister quite often whenever you visited their home. You’ve always thought she was so pretty, with such an innocent face and a sweet and wee voice. She was almost this perfect character, fair and bright, nearly unreal. She had such nice hair that fell like waterfalls, long and wispy lashes, plush, pink lips and eyes that took the shape of an almond. No wonder why she was the talk of the neighborhood —and she was just as beautiful on the inside as you saw her in her countenance. 

“You can have my umbrella, don’t worry about it —go home! and if your dad yells at you again, tell me. I’ll give you something special tomorrow.” —the sweetest girl, isn’t she? 

“Thank you, Chaeyoung.” 

She lent you her Hello Kitty umbrella, the cat imprinted all over the canopy, and her little bow on the handle. That day you were spared from your ill-tempered father, and Chaeyoung would never see that umbrella again.

The next day, you came back to their house, ecstatic to finally watch another episode of Slam Dunk on their tv.

“Hi Y/n!” —oh right, you were there to see Chaeyoung too. “Can you come to the kitchen real quick?” 

From a distance you could smell sugar cookies, freshly baked, hot out of the oven. The scent only led you to briskly nodding to her question, following closely behind her as you scuttled to the kitchen together.

“These are for you.” you were sure the cookies were just as sweet as her smile as she extended the plate of sugars towards you. 

“Oh, thank you.” for a while, you hesitated on fully carrying the weight of the plate, but looking at her beaming face assured you, and soon you were stuffing your face with the cookies. 

“Let’s play a little game!” you were a bit startled at her exclamation, mouth still bearing chunks of sugar.

You had to take a painful swallow to ask, “Right now?”

“Mhmm~”

“Should we go outside—”

“No, no!” her giggles made you shiver, it was so innocent, yet so… eery. “Just here.”

“What game are we playing?” you asked again through your soft chews. 

“Let’s guess each other’s crushes.”

Your pupils would move to the side as you got to thinking, a crush, do I have one of those? —the thought of it had never even crossed your mind. Maybe because it was unclear to you what a crush is meant for, or what it takes for you to crush on someone. Chaeyoung? —everyone else seemed to have a crush on her, but you're no train-hopper. 

“Guess mine first.” she urges, and you scurry around in your head for answers, Jaeyun? Wooyoung?

“Is it… Wooyoung?” —and to that she emits a sound of a buzzer, like the ones you’d hear in a game show after an incorrect answer.

“No!” 

“Oh, Jisung?”

You laughed at the exaggerated pout that played on her lips, and she’d only frown at you. For a minute you were worried that she was getting annoyed —good for you for being worried, because you’d find out she’s been restless all morning, itching to tell you, “I have a crush on you, dummy.”

Suddenly you were inhaling thick air, your breathing pattern shifted tremendously as your eyes looked for something to rest on. In that thirty seconds of silence, you wished it was that easy to just sink into the ground beneath where you stood. Her? crushing on you? seemed like a dream, and it truly is for the boys that admired her, unfortunately for her, you aren’t a part of that population. 

“Me?” you pointed at yourself as you questioned what you had just heard. “Are you sure? Are you joking?”

She was quiet for about seven seconds —and you were able to count for the sole reason of being anxious. The sole of her right foot was pressed firmly against the ground, and within those seven seconds she moved it around, drawing small ovals on the ground. “I’m sure.”

You wished you were as sure as she was, whilst she eyed the lines on your shirt, you were thinking about your feelings, what you felt about her. While you’ve always been in awe of how graceful she was at any given scenario, it’s all been just a thought and nothing more, nothing special, nothing for you to act on. 

“How about you?”

You swore you the ticking of their wall clock got louder, and louder, and louder. But eventually, you’d tell her the truth. 

She told you it was okay, but you saw the shift in her eyes, the pair that was once innocent and inviting now terrified you like the wretched pit in your darkest nightmares. How was that even possible? —you’d ask yourself, trying to open your mind to the possibilities. What are the chances that you’d become the person she hates the most?

“One hundred percent.” —now in highschool, you’d bury yourself in that horrid pit everyday, you had no choice, no means of escaping. 

“You’re sure that’s the answer?” you hiss at the pain inflicted by her hands that dug into your hair, pulling each strand, her vigor intensifying by the second. “If this turns out to be wrong…” fate is truly, “I will out you to your dad myself.” cruel. 

That day you told her that you did not reciprocate her admiration is the day you’d see her for who she truly was. Wolf in sheep’s clothing, a phrase you’d often hear even as a child. You just never thought you’d encounter it ever, especially in her. 

You stood up from your desk, huddling your textbooks and notebooks as you took wary steps —would usually be to the library, but Chaeyoung had already caught up to that old routine of yours, so you resorted to an empty, but rancid room at the back of the building. It was dark, even darker than that pit. 

Though that room was not entirely pleasant —it smelled of mold and chemicals you could only make out as cleaning materials— you learned to deal with it for your own sake. You’ve been threatened over and over by a certain group of people in your class that they’d out you, and you had every right to be scared, especially when they almost succeeded in the dawning of your anguish.

In that room, you hummed to yourself, did the work you had to in peace, and most importantly, you read —the pieces that you related to the most.

You remember being caught swiping through it on your phone, within seconds it was snatched away from you. They —two of them— took a quick look at it, smirking and soon guffawing at what they saw. “Who knew you’d be into disgusting shit like this.”

“I mean, it only makes sense. He’s a—” it was the first time you were called the slur. 

If you were being honest, as hurtful as they were meaning to be, you were not much fazed by it, still, you were surprised to hear such a word, even from them. 

“Yeah, you’re right. People like him are really like that huh?” like what? —you could only dare them with the little voice in your head for if you had spoken out it might be your last day in that classroom. 

“Stop looking at us like that.” —and they repeated it again, that word.

From then on, you’d avoid being seen reading, or having your phone out at all. There were times where you had the freedom, so you’d make the most of it while they weren’t there, in the classroom. But this deserted room, despite its grimy interior, would serve as a safe space for you. 

“This is not too bad.” you mumbled to yourself, eyes lingering on your faint reflection on the dust-layered window panes. 

It truly was not too bad to have your peace in such a place, this school, the shithole you were forced into. 

The truth is, you haven’t outed yourself to anyone, no one in school, not even Chaeyoung, not even her brother —and your childhood best friend— Seunghan. After that one fateful afternoon at their house, Chaeyoung felt devastated, how could you not like her back? she could only think of one reason, you must be gay, crazy enough to not return her likeness for you. She didn’t even get to confronting you about it, she just told everyone she knew, everyone close to you —with the exception of your family— that you’re insane, or in her words, “He’s gay, he told me himself! it’s better to stay away just to be safe!”

You’d end up being the one to stay away, just to be safe. Though you could say not everyone was mean to you, they were not nice enough to acknowledge you or what the others have been doing to you either. 

It was an unfortunate turn, and it would ultimately lead to the fallout of your friendship with your one and only sport —you used to call him all sorts of names, and he’d call you, well, what you could only describe as the cutest alias you’ve ever heard. You had something quite special, and didn’t take a while for you to see it differently —to see him differently. Maybe you were being a little too irrational, or maybe it's because of the way his face is always close enough to press onto yours, or the way he smiled at you, the way he used to take care of you without you asking, and the nickname. 

“Hey bunny!” —is what you’d always hear every morning then, when he called you out to play, or take bike rides around the neighborhood. 

“Hi Seung-gunk!” and he’d playfully headlock you, ruffling your hair. 

The farthest you’ve gone with your matching bicycles was the park —you even had your own tree, a hiding spot if you will. It’s where you two would babble on about everything, even the most nonsensical things. 

“Don’t you ever get bored of this park?” you asked him, and you would move a little, feeling some of his sweat touching your skin because of the proximity.

You two were sitting under your tree, leaning against its trunk. Your sides were slightly squeezed against each other as you went on with your venture-talks. 

“Not really.” he looked at you, reaching on top of your head for a stray leaf that fell on it, “Not when I’m with you.”

You believed him, only at that moment, because soon his actions would contradict his words. 

It all started in middle school, the summer before it started, you have already discussed about how excited you were about entering this new phase in your life, talking about how you two would go to lunch together, find ways to skip class and sneak out —it was a joke of course— and making new friends, and the rumors.

seungsseung 💥💥

i can’t believe we’re finally middle schoolers

can u believe it?

y/n 🥕

i’m kinda scared

what if they hurt me more

seungsseung 💥💥

tsk

those stupid rumors

you know what

i’m actually gonna tell my sister to stop it

y/n 🥕

you think it’ll work?

seungsseung 💥💥

don’t worry bunny

i know it didn’t work before

i’ll make it work

It didn’t work, obviously. You were bewildered with how he avoided you, like you were carrying some deadly parasitic disease, the root of an upcoming apocalypse. At first he wouldn’t even look in your direction, even when he really needed to, even when you were already sobbing from your classmates pushing you around, with the lead of his own sister. As time progresses, he’d watch your agony, but you could never really tell what lies in those watchful eyes. He’s changed, and he would change even more.

You were in a rush to get back to the classroom after checking the time, but you wouldn’t be inside without bumping into him.

“Watch where you’re going.” like a reflex, you’d use the papers you held to shield yourself, by the way he looked at you, you thought he was about to jump you. He scoffs at this, finding some sort of amusement out of it, “Fucking pathetic.” he says, kicking the papers out of your hands. 

You tried your damndest to fight back the tears in class, not wanting to draw any more attention than you already have outside of class hours. It was only when you were able to lock yourself within the confines of your dim lit room that you were able to release all the tears. It hurt even more that you were not allowed to make a single sound at that time of the night. 

Wasn’t he being a bit too much? —you were crying out loud in your frail mind, perplexed by this situation. You were too afraid to even message him anymore, to ask him why, and what caused the sudden shift. Then, he protected you like he owed you the world, the next day you were suddenly prey for him to feed on. And he’d only get worse in highschool, bonding with the same people who caused your torment, and still, with his stupid, pretty sister.

“Look who’s back!” you tried your best to maintain your composure as you entered the classroom, you had just gotten out of your secret hideout. “We missed you, Y/n.”

“Class isn’t the same without a freak like you.”

You’d flinch, feeling someone rush past behind you. Feeling the back pocket of your pants become lighter, you panicked, and soon your phone was being held close to your face.

“Open it.” Seunghan —he taunted, looking at you the same way he always did. “Deaf? I said open it, fucking idiot.”

Your hands were shaky, taking your phone from him. It took you three attempts before you could successfully unlock it, and when you did, he clutched on it, forcefully taking it out of your hands. You already felt the after effects of his insults that hadn’t even come out of his mouth, but you knew it would very soon. You had left what you were reading open, it was not like you knew he’d be up to snatching your phone away from you to poke fun at you, but then again you weren’t surprised. 

“You make me gag. Do you guys see this shit?” he was already scrolling through the whole thing, and his friends would peek from behind him making you gulp and freeze on your spot. 

You came home with wet hair, a wet uniform, and it was all to mock the fact that you were up to reading something that erotic. When they got your phone, you happened to have left it on a chapter that had a rated eighteen scene. They took turns at throwing water at you, repeatedly uttering how wet you were getting. It was disgusting, but so were you in their eyes, in his eyes. 

bunz 

hey

can i ask u a question?

it’ll be vv quick i promise

saxyguy1002

oh hi

how’s school?

bunz

awful

anyways

what do u think abt homo ppl?

saxyguy1002

i mean

as long as it’s not me it’s cool ig

they aint causing a world war so

yea

they haven't killed my family

so idc really

bunz

that’s interesting

saxyguy1002

r u gay bunz?

bunz

…

what if i am?

saxyguy1002

i told u idc

unless ur planning to kill my family

bunz

no ur tweaking

i’m just not into girls

but into guys

that’s all

saxyguy1002

like i said

i

don’t

care

bunz

well fuck u

saxyguy1002

kidding

don’t go offline yet :((

i have no one to talk to

my friends are idiots

all of them.

Then why’d you leave me? —you shook your head at your computer screen, at the conversation you were having with this ‘stranger’ you met in a game. You knew it was him, but he was oblivious towards the fact that it was you who he’s been talking to every night after school, and you prayed he hadn’t suspected you either. 

bunz

that’s tough lol

sucks for u

saxyguy1002

says the one who has no friends

how’s being lonely? :p

There was this urge to tell him, I miss you, but you were too afraid. He was already treating you like a stray in school, what more if he finds out who you were behind this persona you’ve built for him. 

bunz

i have one more question

saxyguy1002

hit me

bunz

do u know bl?

saxyguy1002

**bbl

and yes i do ofc

bunz

ew perv

not that

boy’s love 

saxyguy1002

yea

apparently it’s a genre now

there’s this guy in our school that reads them

You couldn’t quite understand if you wanted to cry or laugh.

bunz

really?

what do u think abt him then?

saxyguy1002

that bl shit gives me the creeps

all that dirty shit?

two disco sticks?

bunz

um???

not the disco sticks 😭😭

saxyguy1002

do u read?

bunz

what if i do…

saxyguy1002

i’ll make an exception

just don't mention it ever again 😁

bunz

kys :3 (jk, but i still hate u)

saxyguy1002

i will :p (jk 2, but i don’t hate u so deal with it)

You shook your head again, water brimming on both eyes. You ran your fingers through your hair, knowing you could never go any further from this. You could just stop talking to him, block him even, but your heart wouldn’t allow you to. Everytime you tried, you were brought back to that little spot at the park, under the biggest tree, the tips of your noses almost touching. 

Thinking about it makes you think about what he thought about everything, about you, then and now. You thought maybe at some point in time he saw you the same way, maybe he did, and he got scared so he started bullying you too. You’d sigh heavily, slapping a mental note onto yourself —you have got to stop letting the manga get into your head Y/n.

In a blink, you were back in your hideout. Your leg got restless, shaking continuously as you read. Earlier you thought you had seen someone following you from the corner of your eye. No one came in after you after waiting for twenty minutes, so you sat down where you’d usually be. Your eyes momentarily watched for the door, afraid that they might burst in and beat you up, or lock you in. 

Suddenly what you were reading got more interesting. You were fully immersed with the scene that played before you, acting out the expressions drawn on the characters. And his eyes dripped with honey as he got closer, allowing his desire to win him over, and soon their lips met and clashed with so much—

You jumped at the sound of the door being slammed wide open. You’d curl into yourself, dropping your phone. It was like the walls were closing in on you, already feeling the humiliation, the suffering. 

“Oh, sorry, are you okay? I was just here for…” it was an unfamiliar voice, “...I actually don’t know why I’m here either. I guess I needed some space away from those people.”

You’d warily lift your head up, being met with a cautious stare. 

“Wait, are you Y/n? from the neighboring class right?” your nod was only subtle, but he’d beam at you so brightly. “I’m Matthew, can I come in?”

You nod again, freeing yourself from your own restraint. You’d sit yourself properly, watching him scan around the room for a place to sit. You moved over a bit, and that was enough to tell him to sit next to you. It was an awkward few first seconds till he bent down to reach for your phone. You grew nervous when his eyes stayed a little too long on your phone screen as he handed it to you. 

“You’re in that chapter already? you must be an avid reader.” your eyes dilated at his words, and he’d chuckle at your reaction. 

“You read?” you were evidently hesitant, your volume would only be that of a mouse. 

He’d hum a response, nodding at the same time. “Sometimes for the story, sometimes for the art. The author of that manga is great as fuck, and the artstyle too!” he was able to crack a smile out of you, it’s been a great while. “But, I am curious, why are you here?”

You shrugged at first, not really knowing what to say. Besides, no one has ever bothered to ask you about anything if it’s not to mess with you. “My classmates hate me.”

“Hmm, I heard.” of course he had, everyone has. “Is it really because you’re gay?”

Your eyes would shift to the side before you nod your head. 

“That’s crazy. I’m bi, I mean, I haven’t come out yet, but —I think it’s ridiculous. It’s the 21st century, are we seriously still about that.” he’d sigh like he’d had the biggest dilemma of his life. 

And it made you laugh, it was very little, but it was enough.

“Hey, we should hang out some other time, how’s that sound?”

You were still cautious about the whole thing, afraid that it might be a trap of some sort. All it took was another smile from him, and you’d finally say, “That sounds cool.”

You two walked out of that room together, and he kept chattering on about things you couldn’t quite remember at the end of the day, and in the same hallway, you stumbled upon your nightmare. He was boring holes into your soul, making you stop in your tracks. 

“Y/n?” Matthew called for you when he noticed that you were no longer beside him. He noticed the way your eyes dropped dead, staring ahead, he turned his head to where you looked, but when he did, Seunghan was already walking away.

Matthew took a few steps back, meeting you again. “Does he bother you or something?”

“No.” technically, you were telling the truth. You were still so tolerant with him, because you still liked him. “You should get away from me.”

He was clearly taken aback by your request, and he could sense you meant well. “Is it that bad?” he’d ask you, concern painted well on his face.

You shrugged once again, still not figuring out how to properly convey what you wanted to say, “They might get you too, because of me.”

“Don’t think so. You think they’ll touch anyone from the pilot class? —no offense, I think you’re great, but your class is a cluster of utter garbage.” he was right, and you’d subconsciously nod at him. “So I’ll stick around, see ya!”

You didn’t even notice that you were already near your classroom. You stood still, watching him as he walked back to his own classroom, just next to yours. You weren’t quite ecstatic about going back to that room, so a hand to your shoulder granted you the favor, stopping you from taking another step. 

“Who’s your new owner?” you gulped at the all too familiar voice that crept behind you. 

“Owner?”

“Huh, so you answer now?” you didn’t bother turning your head, instead, Seunghan would move himself in front of you, “Matthew —you know what you looked like? you looked like his pet.” he laughs at you, but you’d keep your eyes on the floor. “Do better Y/n, geez, at least fix yourself first before trying to hang out with actual people.”

Because you’re not an actual person, he saw you as an animal, a joke. “At least he wasn’t a liar.” you might’ve been speaking too soon.

Too soon. “What the fuck did you just say?”

You’d shake your head at him, just like all the nights you’ve spent chatting, and you’d walk past him.

He just stood there, unsure of what to do with himself anymore. 

“Bro, Seunghan, what the hell was that?” he couldn’t avert his eyes from his shoelaces, tracing the pattern it made with his gaze.

“I could’ve beaten him to a pulp if I were you —you know what, we’ll do it for you since you’re being such a puss.” the others’ words went into one ear and out the other. 

He can’t help but think if it was all worth it. If avoiding the consequences, the pain, did it actually do him better?

“Seunghan, what are you thinking about?” his sister sat on his desk, tapping on it with her fingers. 

He could only give her a blank stare, that would soon trail off into the distance. Chaeyoung just eyed him, and smugness was written all over her face. 

“Y/n?” she scoffed. “You’re thinking about him?”

Seunghan only glanced at her for a brief moment, and she’d slam her palm against his desk. 

“It’s not like that—”

“I’m not that dumb, Seunghan.” she truly wasn’t when she was able to ruin two lives, and probably more outside his scope. 

“I promise it’s not what you think.” he kept his voice monotone, and his sister would roll her eyes at him.

“Just keep up the act, and maybe, I’d consider not telling our parents just how disgusting you are.”

Disgusting —was a word you’d often hear from him, how ironic. It was those times when he’d ridicule your love for reading bl mangas, just snatching your phone whenever he felt like it. 

“I can’t believe you actually enjoy this, disgusting.” 

Yet, that still wasn’t enough for you to see him as your enemy. 

saxyguy1002

hey bunz

bunz

what

saxyguy1002

how r u?

being lonely and miserable and all

bunz

lol

ykw i have a friend now

and he reads bl too

go fuck yourself

saxyguy1002

woah woah

i was joking 😢

but 

respectfully, you’re disgusting

for that

bunz

kys :>

saxyguy1002

no

not until we meet

bunz

you want to…?

saxyguy1002

i mean

ig?

i just wondered if u were just as much of a twink irl like you are in chat

bunz

fuck you, actually

saxyguy1002

u cant fuck me

i’m not gay

bunz

blocked

saxyguy1002

NO PLSSSSSSSSSS

😭😭😭😭😭

begging on my KNEES rn

don’t 

if this makes u feel better

i meant to say cute

not twink :p

Again, you were double guessing whether this was true, this whole conversation, the situation, if this was even Seunghan you’re talking to.

bunz

i need to sleep

night

saxyguy1002

and i’ll be outside ur window

better close it now 👹

bunz

nahh bfr my bedroom is at the second storey 😬

saxyguy1002

now who said i cant float

you’ll float too 🤡

bunz

bye pennywise

kys :3 (not fr tho)

saxyguy1002

i will :p (i won’t dw)

You leaned back against your desk chair, a tired exhale escaping your mouth as you turned off your computer. To say that you didn’t look forward to getting home just to talk to him would be a complete lie. You were even a lot more enthusiastic, though it doesn’t show through your messages that much, you just wished it could be like this in real life too. 

If he was genuine about wanting to see you, and if he finally did, what would be his reaction then? Would he keep himself away from you? hurt you even more? —your thoughts kept running, until they got too tired and the running turned into crawling, creeping, and soon you were fast asleep. 

“Y/n, off to where?” you were startled, hearing your name for the first time that day, and from a new voice that you had been waiting for the whole day.

“Matthew. Just going to the library, I have to pick something up.”

“Just a quick trip? we still have…” he pauses for a while to look at his wrist watch, “About thirty minutes till class. Do you have something to do?”

You consciously tapped on your sides, thinking about how you were only getting what you needed early so you wouldn’t have to run into trouble later in the day, “No, not really, not yet.” 

“Oh, so then would you wanna stay in the library a little longer? we could read there for a while.” 

It really was that hard to decline, so in a span of minutes, you were both seated in the library, not on books, but on your phones.

“You think you could pause reading that for a while?” he whispered so closely to your ear that you almost cringed.

“What? this?” he nods at you, and you’d ask again, “Why?”

“So we can read it together. You’re only three chapters ahead of me, maybe I can catch up by the end of the day —or now.”

His request had caused you to blink repeatedly for a few seconds before you got to respond, “The chapters themselves are pretty long…”

“Please?” 

You could only stare at him, trying to search for your next words within the lines of his face. “Okay, but you better start reading now.”

“Will do!” you’d give him a silent laugh, and in return he exudes a low chuckle, it was such a pleasant sound that you felt ashamed for wanting to ask him to do it again. 

Both of you have grown oblivious of the people entering and leaving the library, and the one that watched you from the distance, he had almost forgotten what he was there for. He was preoccupied with how you seemed to no longer care or be cautious of your surroundings. 

He saw it, the way you smiled. He’d been denying it for so long, but he missed it. He missed you. He missed when it was him you used to smile at like that. But there was not much he could do. If only you knew he was just afraid as you were of the world the two of you lived, so cruel, but he could only imagine just how cruel the world has been to you.

Somehow he thought he should be thankful that Matthew had followed you to that room, but it should’ve been him opening that door, he had to back out when he saw Matthew, because just like you, he had an ephemeral suspicion that he might be someone to look out for. All those thoughts flew out his mind like a fly when he saw you at that hallway with the other guy, it’s his first time in a while seeing you be yourself, at ease. It seemed so surreal, but he couldn’t get over seeing you like that with someone who wasn’t him. It used to be him, but then again, your severance was the bearing of his own mistakes. He didn’t mean to have such sharp eyes pinned at you when he saw you, it was a mask. He felt so close to losing. 

His friends weren’t any better than him. He knew he was just around to please them. He never really got off of bullying you, it was all orders. If he even dared to go against them, he might never see you again. He’s got himself wrapped around his sister’s pointy fingers. 

That summer before middle school, he confronted his sister about the things she’s been doing, the crude things she’s been saying. “You need to stop. Just because Y/n didn’t like you back?”

“Why do you care shithead?” he was caught off guard with the words that came out of her sister's mouth. 

“He’s my best friend, I care about him —and do you not understand that he just didn’t like you that way? and he doesn’t even hate you either, so I don’t get why you’re being like this.”

What he didn’t understand was that a hurt ego hits back harder than a heavy loaded truck, “Maybe because he liked you.” he found himself playing with his own hands, “Never thought about it huh? well I have. That’s gross, Seunghan.”

“So what?” her sick laughter came attacking him right as he spoke. 

“Don’t tell me you like him too.”

“So what?” he repeats as he stands assertive.

The irked girl tilted her head, raising a brow whilst her lips rose to a smirk, “I’ll tell, and you’ll see just how ridiculous you’re being.”

“Tell?”

“Our parents. You know I will. Fix yourself, or I’ll do it for you.”

Fix? —the thing is, if their parents ever knew, they’d do everything in their power to get him out of that town, away from you. He lived in a religious household, one that’s conservative, believes a man is only for a woman, and a woman is only for a man. 

He still kept messaging you, secretly. He knew that once middle school started, he’d never be able to be the same with you again. 

seungsseung 💥💥

hey

i’m gonna miss you

y/n 🥕

why?

we’re literally seeing each other tomorrow

seungsseung 💥💥

take care of urself all the time

can u do it?

y/n 🥕

seunghan?

ur scaring me

seungsseung 💥💥

sorry

It was the last conversation you had with him. You fell asleep, not foreseeing your unfortunate days ahead of you. 

It hurt to remember, but he would never forget. Then he was too terrified of the consequences, but now he was learning to be more capable, and maybe he could release himself from the chains that trapped him in this dark, secluded place. He wanted it to become a reality, him not having to torment you for the sake of getting closer to you, or hearing your voice.

onto the next? >> part 2