#if he wants to survive without losing his mind he's going to have to accept her love <3

[ajortga]

cute and absolute

pairing: jenna ortega x actress!fem reader

word count: 1.8k+

summary: it doesn't go unnoticed that you are one of the only people that jenna lets her walls down with.

based off request!

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Where Jenna only accepts r's touch ??? Tyy

-🥝

-

Jenna is squirming in the car, screaming at her friend to drive faster so she can eat. 

“I’ve been on set since 6 fucking AM! It’s been 10 hours and I’m hungry! I skipped breakfast for this damn shit! What the hell do you mean you can’t get a burrito right now? All I want is a damn burrito and you’re telling me that we have to pick up Y/N, our friend, and first buy the book you wanted because it’s closer? CLOSER?” She screams, gripping her knuckles that were already white enough.

Jacob, one of Jenna’s friends laughs hard, a little threatened but not enough to be stopped. “It’ll only take 15 minutes at most! It’s more convenient, the bookstore is along the way and closer to our location, then we can just buy any burrito you want aft-” 

“CLOSER? YOU KNOW WHAT’S CLOSER?” Jenna throws her arms up in dramatic effect, huffing, “Me going insane! My sanity is at 10% right now, and if I don’t get my burrito this instant, I’m going to crash this car and fucking run to the nearest place that has a burrito. DON’T touch me!” She yells, smacking her friend's arm away because she cannot think properly at this moment.

“I’m STARVING, and I’m a woman who needs food to survive in this film ECONOMY! Can’t you drive any faster?-"

Jenna suddenly hears your voice outside from the slightly opened car window. She peeks her eyes out, her hands holding the glass. She suddenly sees you, looking sweet, happy, and perfectly sane as you come out of your driveway. “Hi, Jenna!” You exclaim, completely unaware that she was just ballistic for a burrito 5 seconds ago.

Her frustrated demeanor melts off suddenly, a goofy grin on her face as she sees just how happy you are. She brings her hand up, waving. “Hi!”

She just forgot how hungry she was and the person she just was less than a minute ago. Why was she so upset that she had to wait longer so Jacob could pick you up? She stopped feeling the need to bang her head on the nearest wall. 

“Jacob was telling me that you had a long time on set, something about how I had to save him because you were going crazy, so I got you some snacks.” You pull out a bag filled with goodies from your pantry.

The man that was driving stuttered as Jenna slowly turned to him, “I did not say it like that.”

“Oh yeah?” You ask, grabbing your phone and swiping and squinting. “It says here, “Please save me from this woman, she’s acting like a toddler that just shit her pants. SOS, crying crying emoji..” Um, oh and here. “This girl is so dramatic, complaining about not getting her burrito, she's wailing in the back seat. Please save her.” Don’t lie to me.” You state with a grin as Jenna munches on chips.

He rolls his eyes, grumbling. 

Jenna interrupts, “Okay, Jacob, you traitor.”

“You cannot be talking, slapping my arm away when I try to calm you down but Y/N being some sort of angel and making you all cuddly.”

The fuming brunette slowly turns back to normal as you slither your arm around hers, laying your head on her shoulder. “Glad to know you love me. How was filming without me?”

Jenna sniffs, letting you ruffle her hair, “One of the directors was trying to show us how the scene should play out, the popcorn in the microwave caught on fire.”

You nod, awkwardly as you look around. “Was it your popcorn?” You guess.

She huffs and sinks into you, “Yes, and now I'm starving."

-

Aliyah is losing her mind. First, her father was fixing the doorbell, and now it seems to be ringing on its own. Now, her older sister won’t cooperate as she tries to steady Jenna’s legs that are in the air. The brunette shrieks, causing Aliyah to pull away and make her tumble.

Aliyah groans, “This is the thirteenth time already! Let me make this clear, you asked me to help you do this random one handed handstand, but you won’t let me even touch you so I can get you into the right pose? You’re so weird.” 

Jenna shrugs, her head on the floor as she hangs upside down from the couch. “I am letting you touch me!”

“No you aren’t! You start shrieking and then falling face flat when I do! How the hell are we going to make this work if you won’t cooperate?”

The two siblings hear some shuffling as you crawl through the dog door, fitting yourself in. They blink, staring at you as you wiggle yourself through and throw a hand in the air, showing that you brought food. “Burritos!”

“Y/N! What are you doing? Go through the back door you doofus! You could’ve just knocked!”

You finally manage to squirm your way in as you stand up, brushing some leaves off of you and throwing them into the trash. You flip your hair, crawling through doggy doors were one of your talents. You signal her Jenna to hear you out as you put up a finger, “First of all, I was ringing the doorbell like, five thousand times, then I knocked, and no one was answering! I’m not letting the food get cold.” You pause, looking at Jenna who is currently staring at you upside down and hanging from the couch. “What on earth are you doing?”

“Trying to do a one handed handstand.” 

“Oh, wait. Oh! I know how to do that!” Happily, you hand her sister the bag with burritos and tacos, before collapsing to the floor.

There was awkward silence as Jenna and Aliyah stared at each other, “Um..”

Jenna always knew you as the silly girl across the block. Even after 5 years of friendship, she thinks you’ve just gotten sillier.

“That wasn’t it, I haven’t done it in a year. Hold on.” You position yourself, slowly doing a handstand. Jenna can see your shirt slowly rising up and showing your stomach as you keep yourself steady. You lift an arm off and hang it up. “Did I do it?”

Jenna giggles and flops down the couch. “Yeah. I think so.” She crawls behind you and picks up your body that was upside down.

“Hey!”

-

“Okay, slow and steady..” You say softly, squinting and holding Jenna’s legs, making sure she was in the right position. “Aliyah, try steadying her while she puts one arm up.”

“No way, nope.” She argues, eating her taco, “She literally kept shrieking when I tried to and starting kicking and squirming.”

“She’s not shrieking right now?”

“Well you’re just different I guess, you’re her best friend, so..”

You raise your eyebrows, a smile tugging on your lips as you tickle Jenna and make her fall on you. “You just love me, don’t you!?” You giggle, hugging her as she squeals and nuzzles against you.

-

It was late in the evening as you got changed into pajamas and flopped onto your bed. Nights like this always felt better, where you would switch on a show, read a book, or call friends. You decide to check some emails, looking over some asking for you to star in movies, replying to companies that want you as their ambassador, you click out of the tab. 

A small ding sounds on your phone as you see that Emma had texted you. 

meh meh myers: LMAO look at this article i found about u and jenna: https://hypotheticalsofcelebrities

y/n: okay my own researcher and detective, or should i say pippa fitz amobi? u get me?

y/n: lemme go check it out

meh meh myers: yus ily

y/n: ur the pip to my ravi 🥺

meh meh myers: corny

You laugh at yourself as you open the link, the article named ‘Escalating Relationships, Cute or Absolute?’

You roll your eyes and scroll down.

Fans say that they’ve picked up on the actress’s behavior, scooting away from castmates who’ve gotten too close during interviews and only staying close to one or two close ones. Not that she’s uncomfortable, taken from the way she seems unfazed most times. But, it is noticed that she seems like a bundle of happiness with individuals. A clip right here shows her with a fellow castmate, Y/N L/N, both starred in the famous series, Wednesday. It is caught on how Ortega was silently making sure that her friend was okay during an interview that had turned a little more uncomfortable for the other girl, squeezing her hand and clinging onto her. It seemed to have worked, for how the girl began to relax. What a friendship they have!

The tiny moments of comfort and physical touch occur in other interviews too, as well as cute Instagram comments on each other's posts that come off as playful flirting. Some comments are pasted here.

Jenna Ortega commenting on Y/N’s post of a photoshoot press for Wednesday last year in September:

jennaortega: That’s my girl

Another one on a post of the girl just doing an Instagram photo dump this year in March:

jennaortega: if you squint closely you can see me doing the dishes for my wife in the third photo

jennaortega: i will take your last name if i have to

jennaortega: my woman, i love you

Y/N L/N commenting on a post for Jenna’s Adidas campaign last year in November:

y/n_l/n: i will be the only one applauding the longest for u

y/n_l/n: tis is why i got adidas merch

Fast forward to Christmas with a dump of Jenna’s favorite people (Y/N included) in December last year: 

y/n_l/n: I love you this is why I wanted to bake the turkey

y/n_l/n: merry christmas to my favorite person

Another one to a selfie of Jenna posted this year in April:

y/n_l/n: oh i’m interested, what’s your number?

y/n_l/n: sign my contract to be with me forever? comes with a long time of house wife chores!

-

What do you think? Are they just really good friends with the cutest flirting? Or secretly dating? Answer us down in our poll, cute, or absolute?

Final vote with 20K votes

Cute: 24%

Absolute: 76%

—

carrots4life: but like, their relationship is both cute and absolute! why aint that a option?

mangofrosties: they are def dating istg i’ve never seen them both this happy unless they are together

-

You smile, looking away from your laptop as you kick your feet. You do feel like Jenna had a soft spot for you, she always hugged you first, tried picking you up, falling asleep with each other on set. But she was just your best friend, you would all say to interviewers.

The door slightly creaks as you turn, smiling. “Hey baby, I think you should see this.”

Jenna flops on the bed with you, letting you cuddle her as she kisses you and reads your screen, a goofy grin on her face.

“I guess they caught on that we might be more than friends. I mean, it's not a lie that we are best friends, girlfriends is just a small little detail."

“Cute and absolute.”

[ccieatchildren]

I’m sure we’ve all seen by now Steve Blackman’s reasoning for Five/Lila stating:

“I felt that Five had to have a love story.”

And how it shows how this man somehow has such a deep fundamental misunderstanding about his own characters. How he helped create the first three seasons of this show and doesn’t realize that

This is Five’s love story.

Umbrella Academy the show wouldn’t exist without Five’s love. The whole plot and story is it.

He is the catalyst of all the plot lines while his family is the center of all the story beats. His love is the instigator for all the events of the show simply because he chooses to do everything possible in the hope that it will save his loves.

It’s not like this was even a subtle idea because Five literally states it himself multiple times over the series!

I just don’t understand how you can get it so wrong.

He creates the Commission in hopes of regulating the timeline so his family won’t get obliterated from existence, tattooing himself with the potential solution to rewriting the universe so they can all live happily one day.

He survives the apocalypse all on his own, when there was no real reason to, just because he believed he could get back to his family, spending 50+ years developing the math to one day do so.

He joins the Commission and murders and maims and manipulates in the desperate attempt that he might have a chance to go back and see/save his family.

He spends the first time he sees his family after over six decades not with them, but rather searching for a way to stop their deaths, sending them all through time when it doesn’t work.

He runs himself ragged stopping apocalypse after apocalypse just for them.

And when he loses all hope, accepting the kugelblitz, he is content to know he is doing so with his family.

As much as this show is about the whole family, ultimately, imo, this is Five’s story about his grueling quest to save the family he loves.

Because otherwise this show wouldn’t exist without him and the rest of the characters would just be decorations in the rubble of a world long gone.

So to say bro needed a love story— he doesn't say romance, but love story— is so durna, like what??? I guess if you really wanted him to have a romance you could do that, but there were many better options than the wife of someone he deeply loves, something he would never do.

(Not to mention all the real world implications of the romance with the actors, production really was waiting for him to be legal ಠ_ಠ)

Also I don’t think it’s a coincidence that many fans view Five somewhere under the aro/ace umbrella (pun intended).

Now, because of this misconstruction the ending of the show also suffers.

Brushing over all the mind boggling things the real ending says about abuse, its victims, and growing from it (which is actually like how did no one look at that and think hmm maybe this isn’t right for the story we’ve been telling), it also misunderstands love. It tells the audience that love isn’t worth it, in a show… about love. Not just Five’s but Hazel/Agnes, Viktor/Sissy, Allison+Claire, and more. How all your pain and suffering and tribulations for those you love are stupid and useless and cringe.

But y’know what, Mr. Blackman, I think you’re cringe for that absolute bonkers bananas ending.

And that’s why having the solution to the series being that Five should have never jumped in the first place would have been the best ending.

Making it so that the only solution to save the whole universe be that Five stay with his family, with those he loved— what he had been trying to do for the whole show— would have been the perfect conclusion to the story. It would show that all he had to do was stay, because that’s all they ever needed, that’s all he ever needed.

AND IT WOULD MAKE LOGISTICAL SENSE.

Five and Viktor are well confirmed to have been the closest ever since they were young. And Five (doesn’t matter if he’s the now Five who lived through the shows events or the young one who ran off) would most certainly be a supportive figure in Viktor’s life. He’s smart, for one, and it wouldn’t be a stretch for him to figure out what was really going on (especially with his hatred of Reginald) and help Viktor that way. But even if he doesn’t, when they grow to adults and Viktor naturally doesn’t take his pills or his power starts showing, Five’s love and care for his (closest) brother would most certainly help prevent the apocalypse. Especially since if Five and Viktor are close, as they grow older, I feel like the others would grow closer as well, maybe not the same degree, but they would be more willing and supportive of Viktor in the end (I feel like Season 1 shows us how at the end of the day the siblings do care for Viktor, but they were just too late, so this time they wouldn’t be).

Through the subway we see the timeline where he jumps still exists, so that should mean there is a way for him not to do that. His jumping (and the siblings he brings along) is what creates the paradoxes and the "need" for the Commission. So by him not jumping, problem solved.

This might come at the cost of the current versions of the characters, but I think if they can make the developmental journeys they did once, I think they can do it again, and have a happy ending.

(Also the Jennifer incident wouldn’t happen either bcs of Five or just bcs that plot line was so fluffin stupid, so yay alive Ben)

(And Diego and Luther meet Lila and Sloane respectively cuz they are also part of the marigold brood so they still do exist at the same time, so yay happy couples)

It is somewhat simple, but I think that works as well, especially for a character like Five. He spends so much time looking at all the different equations, trying to find some complex solution to everything, trying permutation after permutation (as evidenced by our and the diner Five's), when it was right in front of him. Idk, I just think it would be nice if he just decided to stay with his siblings instead of running off.

Sure it may not be completely perfect, maybe Ben still does die, or Klaus can’t meet Dave again, or characters still find themselves prey to their arrogance but I don’t think it needs to be, because real life isn’t perfect. But the bonds we make and the love we share makes it so, a major theme the Umbrella Academy isn't unfamiliar with.

And it just makes me so deeply sad that this isn’t the ending we got. That this isn’t the ending the characters got.

They deserve so much better than Blackman gave them, and it’s a disgrace that he didn’t.

[halsteadlover]

𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐌𝐞

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Will Halstead x Female!Reader.

• Requested by @klovesreading: I was wondering if you could do a story where the reader is married to Will but is a detective with Jay and is really close with Jay. But one day a case goes bad and the reader gets shot and almost dies and just a lot of angst but the reader survives in the end!

• Warnings: mention of blood, drugs, gunshots, tiny bit of angst and swearing.

• Word count: 5018.

• A/N: this is my first Will Halstead fic and it’s ugly as fuck, I don’t like one bit how it turned out 😭 you can actually notice I didn’t want to write anything else but I know if I kept going it would’ve ended up being so much longer than this so here is this piece of shit. I hope you’ll like it anyway but please bear with me 😭 comment, like and reblog if you want. I love you all so much ❤️

You, Will and Jay had been good friends for as long as you could remember.

The three of you grew up in the same neighborhood, your families being friends for a very long time. They were like big brothers to you or, at least, only one of them was.

You never managed to hide the crush you had on the redhead since you were a teenager, no one missed this detail – not even Jay who never wasted time teasing you about your crush on his brother – only Will seemed to not to see it.

You spent years of your adolescence and youth pining for him, trying to suppress your feelings knowing he didn't feel the same. You tried to move on, you had some boyfriends but it always ended the same way: you leaving them because you could never completely get Will out of your head. And as time passed you had resigned yourself to it, accepting you’d never be anything other than best friends.

There was a time when the three of you drifted apart, Will had gone to medical school, Jay had joined the army and left to go overseas and you spent a lot of time training to get in the police academy.

But fate really seemed to work in wonderful ways.

You thought you’d never reconnect with the Halstead brothers again but this was proven wrong when one day you met Jay at the police academy. You were a patrol cop with about two years of experience and he had just joined the Chicago PD after returning from his mission overseas.

And just like that you learned that Will had recently returned to Chicago and started working at Med's. It was as if time had never passed for the three of you, returning to having the deep bond that had united you since childhood.

But just as you thought your love for Will had somehow passed, it was enough for you to spend just a day with him to understand those deep feelings had never faded and that Will would forever be in your heart.

As time passed though, Will realized he was starting to look at you differently, continually craving your company. He didn't know when it happened or how it happened but he found himself inexorably losing his mind for you, in a way that shouldn't have happened with his best friend.

So for an amount of time you found yourselves lusting for each other from afar without either of you growing any balls and confessing your feelings.

The turning point came when the morning after spending a night at the bar and drinking too many shots and cocktails, you woke up in Will's bed with only a sheet covering your body. You were both too drunk the night before to remember what had happened but that blurry sexual encounter didn’t only happen once.

In fact after this rendezvous, it was as if a magnetic force attracted both of you and no matter how much you both fought it, one way or another you ended up having sex at one or the other's house.

Jay's teasing was pure torture as he could see from miles away that something really had happened between the two of you.

It was Will who confessed his love first, in the grip of emotions and no longer able to pretend you were just friends with benefits for even a second. You told him it took him a long time and that you loved him madly too, and the rest was history.

So here you were several years later, married to the love of your life and living the fairy tale you've always dreamed about.

“Babe please…” you sighed, eyes half closed as his lips worked their magic on that particular spot on your neck. You had to go to work but that seemed to take a backseat as your mind was completely dazzled by the hurricane that was your husband.

His arms wrapped around your hips and his hands went down to your ass, which they squeezed and groped without any shame. That made you sigh as you wrapped your arms around his neck, threading your fingers through his soft hair and pulling it lightly.

“Fuck,” he hissed, making him lose the last bit of control he had in his body and you grinned knowing how much he liked it when you pulled his hair. Before you could say or do anything, his lips had captured yours in a deep, passionate kiss as you took slow steps towards the bed

You both fell onto the mattress, bouncing slightly and you both let out a laugh before kissing again, him on top of you. It didn't take long for both of you to undress and throw all your clothes on the floor, losing yourself inexorably in each other.

Needless to say, you arrived at Intelligence incredibly late, thanking all the angels in heaven when you realized Voight hadn't arrived yet by the time you entered the unit.

“Why were you late?” Jay asked as soon as you arrived, handing you a cup of coffee he had set aside for you. He only had to look at you for his question to be answered, the stupid smile on your lips clearer than sunlight. “Actually never mind, don't answer. You're disgusting.“

“Hey! First of all you asked and second, go talk to your brother, he’s always so insatiable,” you replied with the sole purpose of annoying the younger Halstead. You succeeded in your aim when an expression of pure disgust and horror appeared on his face.

“You make me sick I don't want to know about you having sex with my brother for God's sake!” He exclaimed as you continued to laugh out loud.

You and Jay were now detectives and members of the Intelligence Unit for quite some time and as luck would have it, Voight even assigned you as partners. It was great to work with a friendly face, to have someone to deal with all the shit that humanity presented, to be there for each other when the other felt like everything was too hard to handle.

You and Jay continued to have a little banter but that little idyllic moment was interrupted when Voight entered the unit with Sergeant Platt and from their expressions you immediately understood they didn’t bring any good news.

Badly cut drug was circulating through the Chicago streets, causing numerous overdose victims, and there was pressure to get this case solved immediately.

Something told you this case would take much longer than necessary, so you took advantage of every free moment to text Will and update him on the evolution of the situation.

Will was afraid he’d be committed to Dr. Charles' psych ward sooner or later due to the stress your and Jay's job brought him.

He couldn't help but feel the anxiety eating his stomach up every time you told him you had some kind of field operation to do. It was a horrible feeling, having no idea what was going on out there, not being able to protect you or his brother if something horrible happened.

Every single day was a prayer. He prayed you both would come home safely, he prayed he could hug you both again at the end of each shift.

He tried not to give too much weight to his paranoid thoughts and convince himself it was only his sense of protection speaking. You and Jay were more than capable of defending yourselves even in dangerous situations, Will knew that, but that didn't make it any easier.

Many times he had wondered why neither you nor Jay had opted for a safer career, so he wouldn't risk a heart attack every time you left the house. You could’ve been teachers, or cooks, coaches, anything, but no, you both had to choose one of the most dangerous professions in the world. And so he didn't have to worry about his wife or just his brother's, but both.

His heart could only bear it to a certain extent.

And that day was no different when you texted him you and Jay were on your way to question a suspect.

Knowing you were in the district would calm him down a little since you were safe there, but knowing you were both out there with the risk of dying just around the corner was pure torture.

“How much you wanna bet he’ll run away as soon as he sees us?” You asked Jay as you got out of the car and walked towards the driveway of the house where the suspect was supposed to be. He wasn't directly involved with the drugs but, after the team started the investigations, you discovered he knew who was indeed involved and both you and Jay were determined to find out who that person was.

“Nah I pass, I know for sure this will happen so let’s just get ready to do some running,” he replied and you laughed before knocking twice loudly on the door.

“Chicago PD! Open up!” You exclaimed and you and Jay waited a few moments in which there was nothing but silence.

Jay moved away from the door and went to the window to check if there was actually anyone inside and you knocked again with two more loud thuds. “Open the door we just want to talk!”.

What happened was so quickly you wouldn't have been able to tell it if someone had asked you.

The suspect you were supposed to question – a guy in his mid-twenties – opened the door but you had your guard down so you couldn’t react as quickly as you wished. You saw him hold the gun and point it at you, you had tried as quickly as possible to take your gun from its holster but before you could do so a shot had already been fired and a bullet had already passed through your abdomen.

As you said, everything happened quickly.

The bullet shot immediately triggered Jay who quickly pulled out his gun and only then realized with pure horror you had been shot.

Before he could attempt to shoot the suspect, the bastard had already run away at the speed of light even if at that moment Jay didn't care.

He ran towards you and picking you up he dragged you away from the porch of that house, not wanting to run the risk that someone else might shot at you, and he carried you behind your car.

“Hey, hey, hey it's okay, don’t move. Everything's going to be okay, you hear me Y/n? You’ll be fine,” He tried to reassure you, to no avail as you had a bullet in your abdomen and were bleeding profusely, before immediately calling for help as panic coursed through his veins.

You were still shocked even as you lifted your head for the asphalt and saw your wound bleeding more than it should have. You tried to cover it with your hands but Jay did it for you, after taking a jacket he had in the car and pressing it to the wound.

“Shit,” you hissed. The pain was excruciating, even if the adrenaline helped to dull the sensation a little. A flood of emotions overwhelmed you, panic, fear, confusion. Your eyes looked around frantically as if to try to convince your mind you were still alive, that everything was going to be okay.

“Help is on the way Y/n, please hold on okay? You’ll be fine I’m sure,” Jay continued to babble, more to himself than to you.

“It-it hurts…” you stuttered, closing your eyes for a few moments as you felt your heart pounding in your chest.

“Hey, hey, hey, don't you dare fall asleep, just hang on for a minute. Please… Everything will be fine...“ he kept repeating.

But his voice began to reach your ears far away. That warm, burning sensation coursing through your abdomen was starting to fade and the weakness was instead starting to take over you. You were fighting so hard to try and stay awake, even though you were in that state you knew this didn’t mean anything good.

“Y/n!” Suddenly you heard Jay's voice and your eyes widened. You didn't even realize you had closed them.

“Jay can you believe…” you winched “Can you believe for just one second I will live?” You continued trying to smile seeing the way Jay was looking at you. You saw him so scared and worried for other few times in your life, and if it hadn't been for the bullet, you would probably have made fun of him.

“Of course you’l live Y/n, of course I believe it. Who will make my life a living hell if you're gone?”.

You giggled at those words. “L-look at my little brother-in-law worrying about me,” you whispered, as you got weaker with each second that passed. Your eyelids felt heavy, you were struggling to keep your eyes open, or even just to speak.

Your mind was racing, a thousand thoughts were invading it, which was in stark contrast to your physical state as you struggled to even lift your hands.

But the first thought was your husband, your beloved Will. How would he react? What would’ve he said? You hated the thought of not being the first to tell him, to comfort him knowing how worried he would be.

“No of course I’m not,” Jay replied, letting out a sound of mock disdain, making you smile weakly again. “I'm just worried about Will, I don’t care about you. I know he’s going to fucking kill me once he’ll find out.”

You tried to let out a laugh but a cough stopped it.

You fought for Will above all, because you refused to leave like this, to give up right when you were living the life of your dreams with the love you had wanted for so long. But in that moment, as your strength slowly left your body as quickly as your blood spread across the asphalt, you needed him so much.

You wanted Will, you wanted him to hold your hand, you wanted him to whisper it was going to be okay and you’d be fine in no time, you wanted him to hug you and make you forget all the pain and fear that was paralyzing you, you wanted to run a hand through his hair and tell him to calm down when he’d freak out.

And you really tried to resist.

But you were tired, so exhausted, you just wanted to be able to rest a little.

And that was exactly how you let yourself slip into the darkness of oblivion, the last thought being Will's eyes.

“Y/n? Hey! Please don't play with me right now,” Jay shook your shoulders slightly when he realized you had closed your eyes. “I know you're joking, just wake up it’s not funny.”

But nothing, he didn't receive any response.

And after several attempts to wake you up he had to accept you had lost consciousness and you weren't joking at all.

He looked around waiting for the damn ambulance to arrive and when he finally saw it from afar, he thought it was a mirage, too good to be true.

Meanwhile Will was unaware of everything that was happening out there, that his world was collapsing on him without even realizing it.

“Your tests came back normal but we'll keep you here for observation for another couple of hours just to make sure everything is fine, and we'll keep you hydrated in the meantime, okay?”.

“Okay, thank you so much Dr. Halstead.”

Will gave the lady lying on the bed a smile before leaving her room and closing the door behind him. He sanitized his hands and walked over to the nurses' station where he took the patient's medical records, updating her tests and treatment.

He couldn't help but take his cell phone from his uniform pocket, noticing with disappointment there was no message from you. He let out a sigh, trying to stay calm and convince himself he was just overreacting even if anxiety was gripping his stomach.

He put down the patient’s chart he had just seen, playing with the ring on his ring finger while a nurse informed him of the arrival of another patient who was already waiting for him.

If only he had waited a few seconds longer, if only he hadn't immediately entered that room, he would’ve seen that the person who had just entered the emergency room, unconscious, was the very last person he would’ve ever wanted to see in those circumstances, the person whose safety he worried about night and day, one of the people he loved most in the world.

Jay couldn't reach you at the hospital right away since he was waiting for Voight's orders on what to do but nevertheless he didn't stop thinking about you for a second and hoping that you were still alive.

Will treated the patient who came to the hospital following a chainsaw accident while chopping wood. With the help of a nurse, he sutured and dressed the fairly deep cut on the patient's leg while in the next room Connor and the rest of the team worked to revive you from the cardiac arrest you had just fallen into.

It took about twenty minutes for him to finish treating the patient, who he recommended to return to check the wound and assigned medicines in case of infection or pain. When he left the room, he did again what he had done earlier: disinfect his hands and update the medical records.

“Woah, what happened in there?” Will asked one of the new nurses that had recently started working when his gaze fell on the now room.

He saw the state in which that room was, copious traces of blood stained the floor on which numerous bright red patches were scattered, soaked in the same blood of the victim he thought he didn't know. The defibrillator was nearby and positioned crookedly on its trolley indicating it had been used and Will hoped that whoever it was, had managed to survive.

“A gunshot victim, bad story. She went into cardiac arrest twice but they were able to revive her and Dr. Rhodes just took her to the OR,” explained the nurse who, being new, didn't know that said victim was his superior's wife.

Will nodded, looking away from the room for a second before handing her the patient’s medical record he had just seen and putting the pen back in his white coat’s pocket.

He took out his cell phone again, noting with equal disappointment that no message had arrived from you. He sighed again before putting it down and his gaze fell on that room again.

His gaze fell on the victim's objects which were in a transparent bag placed on one of the bedside tables next to the now absent bed. He didn't want to snoop but curiosity got the better of him and he thought maybe he could help track down the family.

His heart almost stopped when he recognized your clothes in that bag.

“What the fuck?” He whispered as his brain struggled to process what he was seeing. There was a police badge, among other items. Anxiety gripped his stomach in a vice, twisting it until he almost felt like he was going to throw up.

“No, no, no, no,” he babbled to himself as his eyes continued to scan the numbers on the badge again and again.

It was yours.

No, it couldn't be true, there had to be an explanation. There had to be a reason why your badge and clothes had to be there.

While his heart continued to beat voraciously in his chest, Will continued to look among those objects. There was also the gun and a cell phone, yours.

His hands began to shake as all of his worst nightmares seemed to come true. He couldn't believe it, he just couldn't, until the very end he hoped there had been some kind of misunderstanding, that it was definitely someone else but for some strange reason they had managed to take your gun, badge, cell phone and even your bloody clothes.

But it was when he saw the ring that he felt as if a train had hit him. There was no doubt it was your ring, a ring that was stained with your own blood.

Will felt as if the ground had slipped beneath his feet, for a moment so out of his mind everything seemed to happen in a blur.

He immediately ran out of that damned room, making space among his colleagues and passers-by and running like a madman towards the ORs. He looked crazy, but he didn't care, he didn't care to stop and apologize to the people he was clashing with, he just wanted to reach you.

This can't be true, please God.

He had to make sure, it couldn't really be happening.

He didn't even wash his hands before entering the OR, he simply took a surgical mask and placed it in front of his nose before entering where Connor was operating.

If Will had to describe how he felt, he would’ve said he felt like he was dying, that he felt the air stuck in his throat and his lungs collapsing. He felt his legs give way and had to lean on the doorframe leading to the OR to avoid falling on the floor.

It was you.

It was really you.

Unconscious and with a tube down your throat, but it was you.

“Why the fuck didn't anyone call me!” Will almost shouted, his hands shaking with fear and anger, holding back the desire to run to you and grab your hand since he wasn't sterile.

“Will, get out of here,” Connor replied, looking up from your open abdomen for just a second so he could look at his friend and the desperation he had on his face.

“How is she? Connor please tell me something,” the redhead begged as his eyes filled with tears.

“Will. Out. Now.”

“I'm not going anywhere until you tell me how you she is. She's my fucking wife, I'm her husband! I have to know!”.

“This is exactly why you can't stay here! I can't operate if you're here and I'm trying to save her fucking life so get out of my OR immediately!” Rhodes exclaimed loudly, feeling guilty for the tone he had used since Will was only worried about you, but thinking it was necessary. He looked up at one of the nurses and nodded at him at which he nodded back and walked over to Will, inviting him to come outside.

“Don't fucking touch me,” Will spat through gritted teeth, his eyes shining before walking out of the OR.

He slumped against the wall and slid down until he was sitting on the floor, legs bent and elbows resting on his knees while he had his hands on his face.

What the fuck happened?

It was unbelievable, he couldn't process it.

How did you go from making love that same morning to you having surgery a step from the death?

Where the fuck was Jay? Why wasn't he there?

Will let out a sob, praying with all his heart that at least his brother was okay. God only knew he wouldn't be able to survive if Jay got hurt too.

“Will!”.

But when he heard Jay's voice calling him out, a wave of relief washed away some of the anguish that had been plaguing him. Will stood up and saw Jay running towards him. He hugged him, in tears, holding him so tight his bones almost broke.

“What the hell happened Jay? Where the fuck were you? Why didn’t you call me? You okay?” Will peppered him with questions, taking a look at his brother and noticing with horror the blood staining his shirt.

“I'm fine… I-I'm so sorry Will, this shouldn't have happened I…” Jay blathered, also scared to death even though he knew what he was feeling was nothing compared to how Will must’ve going through at that moment. He told him what had happened. “How is she?”.

Will shook his head, as if to tell him he didn't know, and collapsed, letting himself go into tears full of terror, fear, fright. Jay wrapped an arm around his shoulders and helped him sit down, trying in vain to comfort him.

What would he have done if you hadn't survived? How could he go on with his life if you weren't there?

He didn't even want to imagine it, he didn't want to find answers to these questions because there actually weren't any answers. Will couldn't be without you.

He had known you since they were only a few years old, he had grown up with you, he had laughed, he had cried, he had fun with you, he had confided to you his deepest secrets, his deepest fears, he couldn't even think of not being able to do all this anymore. He remembered your friendship with so much warmth and joy before falling in love with you without even realizing it.

You made him happy, you understood him, you were his best friend, his lover, his wife, his confidant. Loving you felt like winning the lottery, marrying you was the most beautiful gift life could ever give him, he couldn't even think that all this was hanging by just a thread.

What would he have done without your laugh, your horrible jokes, without your smile, your eyes, the warmth of your hugs? How was he going to survive?

No, no, no, she’s going to be fine. She will be okay.

You were strong, one of the strongest people he had ever met in his life, there was no difficulty you wouldn't have solved, there was no obstacle you wouldn't have overcome. If anyone could do this it was you, Will knew you were going to be okay.

He jumped up, no longer able to sit still. Time seemed to stand still, passing so slowly that every minute was pure agony.

“Will…”

“Shut up Jay!” Will exclaimed loudly, not caring about other people. Jay remained silent as he stood up as well, letting his brother vent. “Where the fuck were you! You were supposed to protect her why weren't you there?!”

Will was not thinking clearly anymore because of the anger, not anger directed towards Jay – he knew it wasn’t his fault but only of the bastard that pulled the trigger.

He approached Jay and pushed him but Jay didn't react, his heart actually clenched as he saw the suffering Will was going through. He would probably have reacted the same way if his wife was fighting between life and death.

“If anything happens to her Jay… Fuck!”.

Jay raised a hand and shook his head when one of the doctors passing by tried to intervene, telling him he had everything under control.

“She’ll be fine brother. C'mon, this is Y/n, we know her, there’s nothing that woman can’t do.”

“How do you know huh?!” Will exploded, running his hands through his hair in frustration and desperation.

“I just know Will, she’ll make it, I'm sure of it,” Jay replied more calmly, moving closer to his brother. This time he was the one to hug him although Will resisted for a while, telling him to let him go. Jay didn't do it, he continued to hug him and hold him until he gave up and returned the hug.

Will cried on Jay's shoulders for the longest time, praying with every fiber of his being and whoever was up there to make you survive, to make you okay.

“I just want her back…” he whispered, not sure if Jay had heard him.

Jay helped him sit back down. “And you’ll get her back, just have a little faith. She is so strong man, do you really think she’ll leave us like this? C’mon, she has to be here and annoy us for the rest of our lives.”

Will chuckled through his tears, his eyes so blurry he couldn't make out the objects in front of him. He and Jay sat in that waiting room, waiting for hours to hear from you as he kept desperately praying.

Will sat with his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees while he continued to move a leg obsessively.

He had always tried to calm the patients' families, never fully understanding how they must really feel. But now that he knew, he felt guilty for not trying harder.

Please stay with me baby. Please just hang on for a little bit, please fight for us.

He had never understood what it felt like to be completely useless, what it felt like to be unable to do anything for the person you loved most in the world, to be unable to do anything to prevent that person from suffering.

He had always sworn to protect you, to not let anything hurt you and he felt like a failure for not being able to do this. He wished that damned bullet had hit him, that it had been him on the operating table having to fight for his life.

At every slightest noise he jumped, hoping it was Connor bringing good news but when he finally actually saw him appear in front of him, he feared it was just a hallucination.

Connor approached Will and Jay who jumped to their feet as soon as they saw him arrive.

“How did it go? Is she okay? Please tell me he's okay, Connor,” Will stammered, his heart beating so fast he thought he was going to have a massive heart attack.

“It was tough but she did well. The bullet had hit an artery and I managed to extract it but she lost a lot of blood and the next few hours will be delicate. But I'm pretty optimistic and she'll make a full recovery.”

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[decembermidnight]

Bad Attitude

Summary: While on patrol duty, you chase a suspect starship but end up crashing on a freezing planet. Its pilot, a Mandalorian, rescues you, but he doesn't like your attitude towards him and makes sure you understand who is in charge.

Pairing: Din Djarin x f!reader

Word count: 6.1k

Warnings: smut, 18+ mdni, teasing, dom!din, brat!reader, brat tamer!din, Din is really an asshole here lol, improper use of the darksaber, lots of dirty talk, oral (m receiving), breath play, choking, fingering, unprotected sex, exhibitionism, degradation kink, praise kink, creampie

A/N: Loosely based on The Passenger episode and super canon divergent. I just had fun having nasty thoughts! Reblogs and comments are always welcome!! Hope you enjoy it!

Divider: @saradika-graphics

Masterlist - Read on Ao3

You… You really did have to follow that ship on this forsaken planet, didn't you?

You couldn't just listen to your partner Carson for once when he warned you to let it go.

Chasing that Razor Crest despite the bad weather on Maldo Kreis was not the smartest idea. Not smart at all, in fact. 

You were only supposed to ask the pilot why his ship was in the proximity of that prison, Bothan-5, when that officer was killed, but he ran away as soon as he heard that name. You immediately started recklessly chasing that old piece of junk in the hostile atmosphere of this awful, unwelcoming planet, and next thing you know your Starfighter crashed, compromising the integrity of the hatch, you’re cut off from your partner and you’ll likely freeze to death before he can come rescue you. Could it get any worse?

It turns out it can.

Just when you switch the radio off, resigned to accept the unavoidable fate, your eyes seem to catch something dark in the snowstorm. At first you assume it’s just your mind playing tricks on you, but when you take a better look, you see it - there’s a dark figure approaching your ship. It must be him - the Razor Crest pilot. As he gets closer, you notice he’s wearing armour, a Mandalorian armour, and you’ve heard the stories about those deadly warriors. You probably made him angry with your insistent pursuit and now he might be killing you so as not to leave witnesses.

You are so fucked. This is the worst day of your life, and also the last.

He lifts the damaged hatch of your ship and looks at you, exposing you to the freezing air of the blizzard. You stare back at him - his broad figure completely towers over yours, but you try not to look intimidated by him.

"Razor Crest, is that you?" you say in a secure tone, wanting to appear tough.

"Yeah." the modulated voice answers as you feel his dark visor lingering on your figure.

"Came here to finish the job?" you try to sneakily grab your blaster in a desperate attempt to defend your life, determined not to die without fighting, or at least, not without trying. 

"Not if you don't try anything stupid like that. Put it down." says in an authoritative tone, his right hand instinctively goes on the holster of his blaster. You quickly realise this is not the moment for heroism if you want to survive. 

"Don't give me orders. I'm a New Republic officer." you reply firmly.

He scoffs and shakes his head in disdain.

"Dear officer, take a good look around. This frozen tomb doesn't look like New Republic territory to me." he goads you "Now quit it and let's go to my ship."

"Who says I want to come with you?"

"Come on, I’m freezing my ass off, for fuck’s sake." he loses no time in ripping your seatbelt and life support system off your body before grabbing you and carrying you over on his shoulder.

"Put me down! You're so rude!" you protest and try to kick him, but he blocks your legs in the tight grasp of his free arm, immobilising you.

"So far I've been more kind than you deserve. If you keep acting like that, I'll show you how rude I can be." his grip is firm and strong as he gives a warning squeeze to your thigh.

You do not want to admit it, but you feel a thrill of excitement at that - he doesn’t care about the fact that you're a law enforcer, he’s treating you like the scum he’s used to. He probably wants to trade your life for his freedom with Carson later - you’re his hostage now.

When you reach his ship, he finally puts you down. You take off your helmet and look at the Mandalorian that so unceremoniously saved you from certain death earlier.

You realise how much taller than you he is, his armour making him even broader than what he already is. Your eyes can't help lingering on his body in wonder at how strong he must be, how the shiny beskar perfectly completes his thick masculine figure, only adding to his already imposing stance, perfectly concealing his body, making him massive and statuesque. His suit is tight around the arms, you can see the outline of his thick, strong biceps. If only he wasn’t a criminal, if only you weren’t a New Republic officer, if only he wasn’t a complete cunt…

"You done?" a low, baritonal voice interrupts your dirty thoughts.

"Excuse me?" you raise a brow.

"I asked if you're done checking me out."

“What?! I wasn’t-” you lie and you both know it. You do not feel so cold anymore, your cheeks feel hot all of a sudden.

“Yeah. Sure.” the asshole teases as he rests against the wall of his ship, looking at you with crossed arms.

“You hurt?” he then asks.

“No, I’m fine.”

"Good. Let's go up to the cockpit, then. It's warmer up there." 

He climbs up the ladder and when the door closes behind him, you take a deep breath, trying to collect yourself, and follow him. 

When you get in the small room, you find him sitting in the pilot chair facing the windshield with crossed arms and legs spread wide. You settle on his side, standing with crossed arms and gaze fixed on his body. He’s as still and silent as a statue, unreadable under that helmet - is he really relaxed as he wants you to think, or is he carefully studying you? 

"Don't look at me that way." says without moving a muscle.

"How?"

"Same way you've been looking at me since we got on the ship."

"What are you implying?"

"Don't act like you don't know." he turns towards you and stands up, making you imperceptibly startle. He looks imposing and menacing, his helmet slightly tilted observing you.

"You don't trust me one bit, do you?" he scoffs and shakes his head.

"You assaulted that prison and killed that poor man. He was a New Republic officer, just like me. Why should I trust you?”

“Because I didn’t do it.”

“Why should I believe you?”

“What will you do when you find out I was right all along?” the way he doesn’t lose his cool is fascinating, to a degree.

"You’re not. If you were innocent, you wouldn’t have run away and we wouldn't be here now."

He tilts his helmet to the side once again as he looks at you. His gaze and his confidence make you feel hot and uncomfortable at the same time - you wouldn’t want to give out the undeniable way his stoic charm is affecting you, but you hate the way he's been treating you.

"Yeah, we wouldn't be here." he lets out in an allusive tone as he walks one single step forward while you take one back, ending up against the wall. He's so damn tall and broad and… and you're getting so wet. 

You look into his dark visor, feeling his gaze lingering on your body. You can feel the tension, the atmosphere in the cockpit becoming unbearable. It's getting hard to breathe, heat radiating from both of your bodies as you never stop looking at each other. While his sight is unreadable, yours is unmistakably libidinous, your heart pounding in your chest and your pussy throbbing with need, but you're both too proud to surrender first.

"I guess not. You coward." you let out in a far too flirtatious way as you look at him with shameless lust.

"What did you just call me?!" he rasps, sounding so provocative. 

"Coward. That's what you are. Running away from me when I was chasing you and taking me hostage when I was so vulnerable.”

“Shut up.”

“So big and tough in your shiny armour, but you run away as soon as you see a New Republic patrol. I should have just shot you when I had the chance. At least I wouldn’t be sharing this ship with a coward.”

“I said shut up.” 

“What now, Mandalorian? What do you plan to do now that you've kidnapped me? Are you gonna prove me wrong?" you’re wondering if you got too far when he gets dangerously close to you, his menacing figure towering over yours as he grips a handful of your hair, forcing your gaze into his dark visor.

"Do I have to stick my cock in your mouth to make you shut up?"

A flame of lust instantly traverses your body. You feel your blood boiling, making you feel hot and flustered, reason and common sense leaving you at the mercy of a primal, carnal instinct.

"I bet you don't have the balls to do it." you goad him with a smirk on your face.

Oh, you shouldn't have said that, yet you did, and what's worse is that you don't regret it. 

You look at him with shameless desire clouding your eyes, internally cursing at the helmet that can't and won't let you see his reaction to your provocation, waiting for his next move.

You keep your lustful gaze locked on his visor as his hand swiftly unfastens his belt and the zip of his pants. His grip on your hair tightens even more as he pushes you on your knees, immediately sticking his hard, thick cock in your mouth and fuck, the sound he makes. It's worth crashing on a desolated planet and being scolded afterwards. It's guttural and desperate, astonished at how good your poisonous mouth feels when you take him in and your tongue gently swirls around his tip, instead of spitting mean words at him. You keep eye contact as you let the shaft slide in your mouth and coat it generously in your saliva, his head tilted back as he lets out breathy sighs of pleasure.

"You. You need to learn how to fucking behave. Shut up when I tell you to. You have to stop taunting me. Fuck. Is this what you wanted?" 

He takes your head away from his cock to let you answer.

“You’re not as much of a coward as I thought you were.” you tease.

“You are still talking?!” exclaims as he pushes your head towards his cock once again, staying still as he uses your mouth for his pleasure, violently forcing all of his length down your throat. When he rips you away from it, you gasp for breath.

"You look so good like this. On your knees, choking on my cock, finally shutting the fuck up like a good girl." he growls, pleased.

Just as you want more of it, your mouth going towards it once again, his grip on your hair turns to steel and stops you there. You look up to him from your kneeled position and see him shaking his head.

“Why? Are you close already?” you taunt him as he tucks his cock back in his pants.

"Oh, it will take you way more than that to make me come, officer." says as he makes you stand up.

“Bet you want me to prove you wrong so badly. Bet you want to come in my m-” you stop mid sentence as he starts to unzip your flight suit while he pushes you towards the control panel of his ship, making you sit on it and trapping you there with his beskar body, your legs instinctively spread open for him to fit between them.

“Yeah? Go on. What were you saying?” he goads you as his hand slips inside of the thin pants you're wearing under the suit, teasing your clit from outside your underwear.

“I-I was s-saying that - that-” you gasp when his hand finds its way into your panties and reaches your slit.

"Ooh, what do we have here?" exclaims in taunting wonder. His beskar helmet is only a few centimetres distant from your face "Acting all cocky and arrogant before, but damn, feel how wet you are. Bet no one ever made you this wet, officer. Stars, you're dripping for me. All of this just from sucking my cock?" says in a husky voice as two of his thick, gloved fingers slide inside of you.

You grit your teeth in a desperate attempt to hide the way this is making you feel, not wanting to give him satisfaction, but your body is slowly surrendering to him and betraying you, your cunt involuntarily clamping around his fingers, revealing how his words are, in fact, effective on you.

"Oh, I bet you feel so good and you sound so sweet when you moan for me. Feel how hot and tight you are." he keeps teasing you. 

Resisting him is getting near impossible. By now he knows how badly you want it.

"Listen to what we’re gonna do now. You're gonna come on my fingers like a good girl and then I'll fuck you until your partner comes to rescue you."

You can't help it anymore and let out a moan at how sensual his voice sounds as he says those things to you, at the thought of getting fucked by him, all while his fingers keep sliding inside and outside of you, making your cunt spasm around them.

"Oh, I knew it. Damn, such a sweet girl." he rasps as he takes his fingers out.

"What the fuck?!" you snap at him when he does, making him chuckle at your reaction.

"Hey, calm down officer." he teases your lips with his gloved fingers soaked in your arousal. 

You instinctively suck the leather and taste yourself on his fingers, licking them sensually as you look at him in the visor. He hums in pleasure seeing that and goes on playing with your mouth, entranced by the way your tongue swirls around them, until he takes them out and presses his middle finger on your bottom lip.

"Bite." he simply orders and you obey, taking the hem of his glove between your teeth to let his hand slip out of the glove. It's huge compared to yours, callous and veiny and masculine. You hum as it starts trailing down your body and feel the warm trail it leaves on the delicate skin of your neck as he caresses it, your own hands holding tight to the commands of the ship, propping you up to offer yourself to his touch. You can feel his eyes looking at your body from behind the dark visor as his hand slips in your flight suit once again, groping your breast from outside your shirt, his thumb playing with one of your hardened nipples, your back arched and chest puffed out to make it look fuller. You moan loudly when he slides his fingers in your panties and back inside of you. 

"Stars - so fucking wet. I bet your cunt is so beautiful. Spread your legs for me. You're making me so fucking hard." he keeps up the pace and also starts to rub your clit with his thumb, making the pleasure you’re feeling unable to hide and you surrender to him, panting heavily as your eyes cross and roll in delight.

"Really? Eyes rolling, officer?" he taunts you.

"F-fuck y-you-" you rasp with half closed eyes, your sentence gets interrupted as he hooks his fingers, touching something devastating inside of you, making him scoff when he sees the way you squeeze your eyes shut and arch your back, your mouth wide open to let out obscene moans.

"What? Do you want me to stop?" he provokes you.

"Don't you fucking dare." you manage to let out in a barely audible sigh.

He immediately grabs your neck, not liking the way you undermine his authority.

"Careful now, officer." he growls.

You moan back in response at how much you like this - being put back into place, the Mandlaorian reminding you who is in control. You hold tight to his sides, digging your nails in his flight suit as he just pushes you further against the control panel with his body.

You’re a panting mess and you feel so close, so damn close to your orgasm. You beg he won’t stop as you wrap your legs around him. He feels by the irregular, ragged way you're breathing and the way your muscles go rigid around him that you're close.

"What? Coming already?” he chuckles “I will let you just because I want to fuck you so badly. Now come, my dear officer. Come for me."

You pant straight into his helmet when you hear him calling you like that, fogging it where his mouth would be. His hand pushes you over the edge and you moan loudly as he makes you come around his fingers, your hands holding tight to his neck, bringing him down towards you. Your back arches, chest rubbing against his armour and you roll your head back until it hits the transparisteel of the windshield behind you. Your nails scratch him hard and your legs’ grip becomes even tighter, his upper body now trapped in your grasp.

He grabs your chin with his other hand and forces you to look at him in the visor.

"Yes - yes, yes. Like this. Good girl." he growls between his teeth, looking at you as you struggle to keep your gaze on him, your eyes wanting to roll up in pleasure.

He lets you ride your high, never stopping those astounding moves of his hand, making you feel so satisfied, but so guilty and humiliated at the same time.

As the orgasm gradually fades out, your grip on his body loosens.

He takes out his hand right in front of your eyes and, Maker, it's soaking wet, glistening in your arousal. You’re both embarrassed and aroused when you see how wet and yielding you got for him as soon as he started touching you. 

"Damn, officer. How am I going to-"

You don't even let him finish, you've taken his hand in yours and start sucking his fingers. He lets out a satisfied hum when you do that. You clean them thoroughly, sensually massaging his digits with your tongue, humming as you hear him cursing between his teeth in a foreign language.

Once he’s satisfied, he takes them out of your avid mouth.

"Now strip for me, officer. I bet you look so hot under that uniform."

"Forget it." you tease him.

"Too bad you didn't obey me when I asked so nicely."

In an instant his hands start ripping the flight suit off your body as you're kicking out of your boots at the same time. It's rushed, brutal and wild, the both of you completely taken over by lust. His hands linger on your sides, giving you goosebumps and making you sigh when he lifts the thermal shirt off your body and you hold on tight to the panel when he hooks his fingers in the hem of your pants and pulls everything down and away from your body, leaving you completely naked in front of him.

“You look… Good without your uniform on, officer.” he is pleased looking at your naked body. “Wonder if I could say the same about you, Mandalorian.” “You’ll have to use your imagination."

“Are you even a real Mandalorian? Maybe you stole this armour, or maybe you bought it off some Jawas.” you mock him.

"Come here and I’ll show you." he simply says as he sits back on his chair, legs spread wide and a visible bulge in his pants.

Just as you get close to him, he takes out one of his weapons, a strange sword without a blade, and begins to trace your nipple with the hilt. You start to breathe heavily and you can feel your nipple getting harder by the second, your eyes carefully following his movements as he descends ever so slowly, teasing you, trailing your stomach and then your lower belly, stopping right in front of your cunt, driving you crazy, your legs spreading for him, begging for some friction. He softly brushes your lips, carefully avoiding your clit to tease you further, until he finally touches it. The sudden contact of the hilt with your sensitive clit makes you shudder and let out a whimper.

"Don't. Move." he orders as he continues to touch you with that weapon, rubbing it against your clit, producing obscene, wet sounds at the contact. You try to stay as still as you can as he plays with that dangerous weapon so close to your most delicate spot. You beg he'd go faster, you wish you could ride it and come all over it, as pathetic as it sounds, but no, he doesn't want that. He wants to take his time to tease you, getting you nice and wet as he plays with you like you're his toy.

He stands up, towering over you.

"Stick your tongue out."

You immediately do and he starts to trace your mouth with the hilt.

"This is the Darksaber. Whoever wields it can rule all of Mandalore, and you're licking it after I've used it to give you pleasure. Feel how wet you’ve made it. How does that make you feel?"

“Like you should sit down on that chair and take out that cock. Touch yourself while I lick your Darksaber clean, Mandalorian.”

He grunts as you push him back on his chair. He immediately unzips his pants to take his throbbing cock out as you keep licking his weapon clean, pleased at the sight of his erection in his hand.

"Touch yourself for me, Mando" you order him as you trace your tongue on the hilt.

"Enough of that." he grabs you by the hair and pushes you on your knees, forcing you to suck his cock. In a swift movement he grabs the Darksaber with his two hands, using it as leverage to keep your head down, forcing his entire cock into your throat, making you startle at the sudden lack of air.

"You don't get to give me orders." he growls before freeing you from his grasp to let you breathe. You gasp for air and look at him, panting.

Maker, he's so dangerous. He could kill you in one second if he wanted to, and you've never, never been wetter than this, playing this dangerous, twisted game with a deadly warrior.

He gives you a few seconds to breathe and then he's back at it, using his weapon to make you choke on his cock.

"Do you understand? I can do whatever I want to you." he releases you once again. There are tears in the corner of your eyes but that doesn't stop him from doing that one more time.

"You're so fucking pretty, but you also need someone to tame you. You've found the right man. Is that what you were looking for, officer? Someone to tame that bad temper?" he says and releases you one more time. You gasp for air as one tear sheds down your cheek.

"Come here. I'll fuck that bad attitude out of you." he orders as he puts the Darksaber away.

This. This is what you've always been craving, what you always wanted.

You slowly rise from the cold floor, your hands on his thighs as you can't stop looking at each other with longing desire. You straddle him, shaking in anticipation as you sink on his body guided by his hands on your hips, letting his cock slowly slide inside of you. The both of you moan as his cock splits you open for him, making him feel how hot and welcoming you are. You both let out a long, satisfied sigh, his voice is dark and sensual and you spasm around his throbbing cock, heavily aroused to finally have him inside of you.

“Mando, let me see if you're only good with words now."

“Din. I want to hear you screaming my name when I’ll make you come on my cock, officer.”

“You’re pretty confident in your abilities, Mandalorian.”

“Your mouth might say otherwise, but your body agrees with me.” he's so arrogant and full of himself, his confidence is making you wet.

“It does” you concede “you feel good, Din.” you purr in his neck, and he grunts when he hears how sweet your voice can be as you whisper his name while you have his cock buried inside of you. You start riding him slowly, looking at him in the visor as you feel every ridge and vein of his cock, enjoying every single moment of it, letting him almost slip out, only to let him back inside of you. He lets out sighs of satisfaction that drive you insane and only want to make you increase your rhythm but no, not yet, you want to make him pay for the way he's been treating you.

“If I had known my cock would have been enough to tame your bad temper, I’d have fucked you earlier.”

“What about yours, Din? What should I do about you being an asshole to me?” you say as you pull him out of you, making him grunt.

“Fuck. Put it back in.” 

“Not so fast. I want you to behave. Beg for it.” 

“You know I could just take you anytime I want, right?” “I do. But where would the fun be?”

He hums in pleasure as you take his drenched cock in your hand and start to slowly stroke it right in front of your cunt, moaning in his neck just to get him even more aroused.

“Fuck. You’re good at this.” he whimpers.

You start to slide it between your folds, the both of you moaning in arousal.

“Dank Farrik, d-do you want me to die?” he growls, subjugated by your teasing. “I want you to behave.” you whisper in a heady groan as you keep rolling your hips and rubbing your pussy on his cock. “F-fuck. I want to be inside of you so badly.”

“Say it.”

He sighs and pauses, taking a good look at the tip of his cock teasing your entrance.

“Please.” 

“Please what?” you ask, biting your lip in pleasure.

“Please put my cock back inside of you, officer.” there's a hint of annoyance in his voice when he surrenders and sees your satisfied smirk.

“Good.” you whisper gasping against his helmet as you slowly slide his cock deep back inside of you. 

That’s the moment when he digs his fingers in your hips and starts jackhammering you, making you scream as he said he would, your hands clawing on his shoulders.

“Who do you think you are? Do you think you can taunt me? I’m a Mandalorian. A bounty hunter. Bet you’ve never been fucked so good, officer. I’m gonna give you this cock so hard, you’ll never forget about me. You’ll be touching yourself thinking about me for the rest of your life. Thinking about the Mandalorian Din Djarin who fucked your brains out on Maldo Kreis.”

The way he's fucking hard and rough into you as he says those things in an angry, husky voice is pleasurably devastating and addicting, having you moan frantically as your body is held still by his strong hands.

"Oh, fuck, Din, don't stop. Don't stop!" you let out in a desperate cry.

"Do you want to come on my cock, officer? Let me hear it. I want to hear you beg for it."

"Please, please Din, make me come on your cock." you drawl, subjugated by lust.

"Mmm - you sound so hot when you beg for me. Keep going and I won't stop."

"Please! I've never been fucked like this, Din." your heart is racing, your breathing is getting laboured and feel the orgasm approaching “I'm so close, Din, so fucking close. Please, don’t stop."

"Come, officer. Keep riding my cock and come on it. I want to hear you scream my name." 

"Oh, Din!" you scream his name as the overwhelming force of the orgasm washes over you, a white blaze of bliss making you lose control, uncontrollably spasming and sensually moaning as he doesn't stop giving it to you, groaning in pleasure when he feels how tight and wet you get around him when you come on his dick.

"That's it. That's my good girl." he grunts as he lets you ride your orgasm.

His rhythm slows down as you come back from your high, his hands still firmly on your hips, guiding you, making you slowly grind your pussy against his cock, the cockpit full of your pants.

"Ready for round two, officer?"

He doesn’t even wait for your response, your mind still fogged by the astonishing orgasm he just gave you.

He gets up from the chair and in a second he turns you around, your body slammed against the control panel and the windshield, your wrists held up high by his hand. Your legs are shaking and you can't really seem to stand on your feet properly.

You couldn't possibly be ready for him slamming his dick inside of you all at once, so hard that air leaves your lungs in an exhale. You'd curse at him, but you can't articulate words as he is fucking you so violently, his strong hand on your hip keeping you still. If you thought he was fucking you hard earlier, it's nothing compared to now - feeling all the power of his body giving it to you wild and raw is pleasurably devastating. You couldn't possibly have imagined that what he gave you earlier was merely foreplay for him, just a little tease before making sure you knew who is really in charge and how hard he can fuck you. He was just letting you have a small taste of what would happen after, wanting you to get ready for him, nice and wet and stretched open for his thick cock to split you in half. He grabs a fistful of your hair and you feel his helmet close to your ear.

"What? You're out of breath already? I'm just getting started, officer." he slides it out almost completely and slams it back in so hard you roll your eyes in pleasure.

"Look at you. Loving this dick so much you're rolling your eyes. Gonna fuck you so hard, you'll learn how to fucking behave." 

You can't do anything besides taking his cock and letting out choked moans.

"Still regret being stuck here with me? Tell me. Do you still think I'm a coward?" he growls in between thrusts.

You can barely drawl a moan in response and he chuckles.

"Yeah, I don't think so. You can't even speak." he mocks you as he pounds into you harder and harder, devastating you, reducing you to a pathetic, moaning mess.

"Who knows if the snow storm has stopped and your partner is looking for you. What if he sees you getting fucked like this?"

You know it's wrong, but the thought turns you on so much that you clench around him, and he feels it.

"Oh, you'd like it? Officer, what do we have here? A little whore?" you hear his dark chuckle as he grips your throat with his hand, bringing you closer to him - the hot, naked skin of your back against his cold beskar armour as he never stops railing you. 

Getting called like that in other circumstances, by any other person in the galaxy, would have caused you to shoot them immediately, but now, oh, did that turn you on.

"You like being called that way, don't you? Whore." he whispers softly in your ear, and it drives you insane despite how much you're trying to hide it. He feels your body getting rigid, the vibrations of your throat choking a moan, the way you bite your lip trying not to let one sound out, and you can bet he's loving every second of it. 

His other hand starts to rub your clit and that's when you fucking lose it - your mouth opens wide and lets out a loud groan of pleasure.

"Tell me you're my whore and I'll give you the best orgasm of your life."

You hesitate - his request is so degrading, but you want it at the same time. He can sense your indecisiveness and stops drawing circles on your clit and starts going around it, carefully avoiding it.

"N-no. Don't stop. It's unfair!" you whimper.

"Say it."

You try to relieve the ache between your legs by bringing a hand there, but he is quick to stop you and block your wrist behind your back, immobilising you as if you were one of his bounties, getting you even more aroused, so much, in fact, that you let out another groan.

"Don't make me handcuff you." he growls sensually and you immediately picture him fighting criminals every day, used to manhandling thugs and being a badass and you get even more aroused at the thought, and decide to give him whatever he wants.

You mumble those words, barely audible, ashamed but at the same time yielding, desperately and pathetically wanting him to give you what you so achingly crave, in a way that only he can provide. A need that you never even realised existed before he brought you into the highest dimension of pleasure.

"What? I didn't hear you."

"I am your whore." you whisper, annihilated.

"Good girl. Say it again. Louder this time."

"I am your whore, Din! Please, please make me come like this!" you surrender to him completely, defeated by your very body refusing to let this slip away.

"That's my girl. You asked so nicely, I'm gonna give it to you." you hear the satisfaction in his voice as he immediately starts to rub your clit again, driving you close to the edge in no time, your cunt getting tighter in anticipation.

“Shit, I want to come inside of you. I'm so fucking close, officer. You’re gonna patrol the outer rim, flying your Starfighter while my cum drips down your beautiful cunt. You’re gonna feel that and you will think of me the entire time.” he rasps in your ear as you feel his body pushing you further into the transparisteel and then over the edge, making you come screaming his name once again rolling your eyes over your lids, desperately begging him to come inside of you.

His groans get louder and louder as he comes. You feel his is cock pulsing and twitching, thrusting into you, wanting to go as deep as it can go, filling you with his hot release as you clamp erratically around him.

Both of your bodies are spent as you come back from your high, the sound of your laboured breathing fills the cockpit.

"Hey" he pants "keep it inside now. I don't want to see a single drop going to waste. Are we clear?"

You nod and he slips out of you slowly as you obey his order, keeping his release inside of you as you get dressed, feeling it drip between your legs as he walks you back to your ship.

Carson is already there - he has fixed the minor damages your X-wing had sustained when you crashed in the snow, confident in the fact that you found shelter somewhere and that you’re safe and will be back soon.

What he did not expect is for you to show up with the Mandalorian by your side, though.

"Can I have a few words with you?" he asks with a raised brow.

You nod and walk a few steps away from Din, going behind your ship to have some privacy.

"He saved my life." you regretfully admit before he even has a chance to speak, expecting a scolding.

"Listen. I run the tabs on the Razor Crest. It seems like your new friend has an arrest warrant on him for the abduction of a prisoner." he pauses briefly and lets out a sigh "But he has also captured three wanted culprits and tried to save the Lieutenant's life."

"I'd say we let him go this time. I really don't want to file a report about what happened. I hate doing that."

"Is that so?" he asks sarcastically.

"These are trying times, come on."

Carson raises his brow once again, looking at you and then at the armoured menace standing a few steps away from him.

“Fine.” he shrugs, not wanting to dig deeper with regards to your change of mind towards the Mandalorian, then gets back to his ship.

You jump in your X-wing, but before closing the hatch and taking off, you address Din one more time.

"We're even now, Din Djarin. See you next time, and don't get caught."

[seresinhangmanjake]

I've Promised You Forever

Dad!Jake "Hangman" Seresin x female reader

Summary: Jake and his Honey are married!

Notes/Warnings: None, really.

Words: 2454

Oh, Baby Series

---

“You’re less nervous than I expected,” Rooster said, his eyes meeting Jake’s in the mirror as they adjusted their bowties in sync. 

They’d been up for hours, the whole house alive and bustling as people put things in place. Phoenix, his mother, and Gram stayed by your side, but the rest of his team set about accomplishing their own tasks. Coyote was on decorations. Payback on flowers. Fanboy on the cake—probably not the best of ideas if they wanted it arriving without a bite taken out of the side. Bob had Eve. And Rooster, with the exception of occasionally checking on the others, had remained with Jake. 

“Am I?” Jake asked, but in truth his friend was right. He wasn’t nervous. From all that led up to this day, he found no reason to be.

“For this being the day you marry the love of your life? Yes, I would say you’re surprisingly calm.” Done with his tie, Rooster turned to eye the side of his friend’s face. “I mean, I know this is literally happening in your own backyard, but it’s still a big deal.”

Jake finished messing with the bow and his hand landed on Rooster’s shoulder, giving it a few pats. “Of course it’s a big deal. I’m not denying that.”

“Ok, then why—”

“How is she doing?”

Rooster paused at the sudden shift, but adaptable as he was, he adjusted quickly to the randomly tossed question. He thought over his answer, then his brow lightly pinched, his head tilted to the side, and he said, “Actually…no more nervous than you.” He shook the confusion off his face. “I don’t get it. I’d be freaking out right now, but I guess I’ll chalk it up to you two already facing such a hefty amount of trials and tribulations together that you’re numb to nerves.”

Jake chuckled. That hefty amount was no joke. Nothing about you and Jake managed to edge along the conventional route. Not how you became a family. Not how you developed as a couple. Not how you chose to marry. Your relationship was forced through more than most, and at the end of the day, it was being one another’s rock in a sea of utter chaos that made it all survivable. 

More challenges would find their way to his family, Jake knew. No one was immune. But come hell or high water, you and Jake proved to be unbreakable, and that wasn’t going to change. 

“She looks incredible, though,” Rooster continued. “You’re going to lose your mind.”

—

“How do you feel? Are you nervous? Can you believe you’re finally going to be married?” All questions shot from Jake's mother as she straightened out the veil attached to your loose bun. “It feels so different being a wife. But I know you’re the best possible woman for my son.”

You turned your head to meet her eyes and you smiled. “Thank you, Eliza.”

She rounded you and took your hand in hers, lightly squeezing. “I know you and Jake have had a rather unique journey, but if anything, I believe that proves how much you are meant to be together.”

You grinned and nodded in agreement. Unique was right. In every way. From the moment you met, you knew your path together would not be straight. It would have its twists and its turns, as it eventually did. But that jagged road the two of you had wobbled along trained you and Jake to accept being different. And in being different, you were more than happy to throw out rules and expectations, instead choosing to do exactly as you wanted whenever you wanted to do it. 

That habit was demonstrated perfectly the night prior when Jake snuck back home despite his mother’s and friends’ insistence on not seeing his bride before the wedding. He’d waited until his team fell asleep at Rooster's, then drove back to his house, kissed his daughter’s forehead, and snuggled up to you in bed, not caring about the scolding once his absence would be discovered come morning; a scolding that came in the form of his Gram's small hand smacking into his shoulder. 

A sudden knock at the door was followed by the peeking of Nat’s head into the room. “You ready?” she asked. “Rooster is about to go down the aisle with Eve.” 

You grinned at the thought of the job you’d assigned your friend, which he’d accepted with an unexpected excitement. And thankfully you’d enlisted Payback as photographer so you’d get to see for yourself the six-foot tall wall of a man holding an infant and a basket of flower petals in his arms as he made his way towards Jake. 

And then it would be your turn.

"Ready," you confirmed. 

—

Under any other circumstances, Jake would’ve chuckled. He would’ve taken the opportunity to tease his friend the way his friends so often teased him. But as he watched Rooster carry his baby girl down the aisle, doing his best to hold her close and help her drop light pink petals along the pathway, Jake couldn’t help but smile. 

Eve was content in his arms. She was peaceful, as if she knew it was a joyful day over anything else. She hadn’t cried without Mama and Daddy, Bob informed him. She didn’t fuss when made to put on her white tulle dress or slide the headband into her wispy hair. So when she reached the end of the aisle, in appreciation Jake bent down to place a kiss on her forehead before Rooster took his position to the left of his shoulder. 

“Deep breath,” Rooster muttered as everyone in their seats stood and turned. 

His mother’s arm was linked with yours while she guided you past your friends toward him. The smile you displayed was ear to ear. Bright. Vibrant. But his mother’s took up nearly half of her face; wide with lips pulled back so far the corners caught her tears before they could reach her chin. 

She’d thanked him a million times the week before. Despite becoming so prominent in Jake’s life, she had the lingering sense that at any moment, he would cut her out again. She felt it an honor to be at her son’s wedding, to walk the woman he loved down the aisle and hand her over so he could call his little family complete. Though, rings on fingers and vows from lips were not a symbol of completion, not for him. He’d been complete from the moment you came back into his life with his baby girl strapped to your chest. 

Jake’s eyes remained locked on you as you neared. Each of your steps came with a matching thump of his heart. He’d never tire of seeing you come to him; the anticipation of having you close and holding you in his arms, even when simply being greeted after a long day at work. Still, this was a bit more—an acknowledgment in front of everyone he loved that he could officially call you ‘wife’ whenever and wherever he wanted—and he pressed his heels into the ground to keep from bouncing on his toes. 

Once you were close enough that he could catch your flowered perfume, Jake took your hand from his mother and raised it to his lips to brush a soft kiss over the back. “Hi, Honey," he whispered, intertwining your fingers. You gave your bouquet over to Phoenix then took his other hand, mirroring the weaving of fingers. 

A subtle pink tinted your cheeks. “Hi."

“Alright,” Gram clasped her palms together. “You kids ready to be married?" 

Your teasing smile sent a zing down Jake’s spine and he returned it with a wink. 

"I'll take that as a yes," she said, then called to the small crowd, "You can all be seated and we'll get this show on the road."

His ears felt full of fuzz as his grandmother began to speak her practiced lines; the ones she’d run over with him a hundred times to make sure they suited his wishes, despite him telling her just as many times that whatever she would say would be perfect. Jake knew he’d be solely focused on you anyway, taking away from his ability to fully absorb her words. 

Her voice was a consistent humming in his ear, and not until she lightly nudged him in the arm did he snap out of the glowy haze you’d surrounded him in to realize it was his cue. 

“Right,” he said, clearing his throat. When you giggled his lips curved upwards. “Honey…” he started but then paused to stare again, just for another moment. At how amazing you were. At how beautiful, wrapped in a dress that hugged every dip and swell of your figure, with the soft style of your hair, and the red shade painting your lips. He was already imagining the marks of your kiss all over his body. 

Then sensing the flush of his skin and the sting of oncoming tears, he swallowed to try to hold himself together. His fingers squeezed yours tighter. 

“Honey, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it forever,” he began. “I love you. I love everything you are. Everything we are. I love the work and the struggles and the progress we’ve made to have what we have. I love our baby girl.” A tear slipped down your cheek that Jake reached up to brush away with his thumb before taking your hand again. “The two of you are my gift. My world and my heart. You own a piece of me that I never want you to give back,” he continued. “And I wake each morning thankful that you were so strong when having our Eve. I thank you for being so brave when you chose to come back into my life," he said. "You’re everything and all of it, Honey.”

Your thumb stroked over his, then you pulled his hand closer to press a kiss to the digit. “Jake,” you sniffled. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it forever.” He snickered at the familiar line before allowing a smile that matched yours to take over his face. “We were never a mistake. We weren’t a matter of convenience or simplicity. We weren’t a shot in the dark,” you said. “I believe that someway, somehow, this is where we would have inevitably found ourselves. Standing here, with our baby beside us, husband and wife. This is how it was always meant to be. And I know that in my soul.

"I love you," was a clear statement from your lips. "You are mine, Jake Seresin. You’re everything and all of it.”

Your radiating love filled him fully and he settled comfortably into the warmth that spread through his veins. Then he heard another sniffle, just to his right.

“Goodness,” Gram breathed as she wiped at a fallen tear. “You two…” She shook her head; took another breath. “Rings?”

Bob reached around Rooster to hand your ring to Jake as Phoenix slipped his into your palm. The exchange of bands rebloomed the flutters in his stomach. Then before Gram could get out her next instruction, Jake framed your face with his hands and joined your lips in a long kiss. 

“I love you, Honey,” he muttered between one soft kiss and the next. “Always.”

—

The evening had passed in the blink of an eye, but you didn’t miss a single detail of how the day unfolded. Each bit of it utterly perfect. Each moment more precious than the last. You couldn’t say you woke that morning with any expectations other than to enjoy your friends and family, but now that it was nearing its close, you realized everything far surpassed what you could’ve ever hoped for. A wedding had the potential to bring some chaos, as did most things during your and Jake’s relationship, but it was nothing other than smooth and easy. Everyone you cared for was by your side. Your daughter was happy in the company of those who loved her most. And you and Jake were together. All as should be.

Under the low glow of the fairy lights woven through the trees, you and Jake swayed to the gentle music. With your head resting on his shoulder, your arms around one another, you watched your friends and family enjoying themselves. Laughing, joking, teasing each other. They took turns dancing with your daughter in their arms, dancing with each other, or their dates. Rooster’s in particular–your friend and coworker—had her eyes glued to him and a blush across her cheeks as he rocked Eve back and forth while slowly moving about the installed dance floor. 

"You still feel alright with not telling them?" Jake’s voice was suddenly low in your ear, far from able to be heard by your guests with you being off to the edge of the wooden flooring. 

"That we've been married for months?” you asked. “Yes, I imagine it's still best we keep that to ourselves."

“I agree,” Jake said with a chuckle. "Think of the drama we'd face from our devastating betrayal."

"I know. I can't believe how selfish we are." 

He hummed. “You know, if you really think about it, by not telling them we are actually sparing them the pain and trauma.”

"That’s very true."

Jake chuckled again, a vibration from his chest to yours, and hugged you closer. A moment later you lifted your head to meet his eyes and smiled at your husband. The man who had been your husband for one hundred and twenty-six days, officially tied exactly three days after he slid that engagement ring onto your finger. You’d planned on waiting, but not seventy-two hours later, as you laid beside one another in bed, skin still damp with sweat and chests rising and falling in heavy breaths, Jake suddenly flipped on his side, cupped your cheek, and said: ‘What if we do it tomorrow?’. The rapid expelling of the question made you realize he had been thinking about it as much as you had. You’d instantly agreed, smiled, kissed, and spent the rest of the night wrapped around one another. The next morning you were married, and maintained the agreement that no one else needed to know. The two of you would know. And that was enough. 

"No,” you reaffirmed, brushing a stray lock of his blond hair back into place. “I think I like having our little secret."

Jake paused the movement of your bodies and, with a grin, said, "So do I, Honey." Then he placed his hands on your cheeks, just as he had earlier in the day, and once again drew you in for a kiss.

---

A/N: I hope it was ok :)

tags: @wkndwlff @kmc1989 @sagittarius-flowerchild @dempy @oliviah-25 @rosiahills22 @xoxabs88xox @cinderellasmissingshoe @hardballoonlove @ssa-sadboi @novagreen04 @multifandomlover4life @mayhemmanaged @memeorydotcom @ryiamarie

[theofficialpresidentofmars]

thinking about how avatar legends implies that Lu Ten was on his way to figuring out that the Fire Nation were the bad guys pre unfortunate demise, so naturally here’s an AU where Lu Ten gets it together sometime before he dies during the siege of Ba Sing Se, does something about it, consequently survives, and how it would affect the rest of the world.

Lu Ten had always been a people person, a skill which served him well as the future crown prince and made him a favourite in the court, and a skill that led to him realising that the way that the Fire Nation treated other people as a whole was not something he could stand to be a part of anymore. He’d always been sheltered from the brunt of it, he suspected in part due to his duty as a prince not being one that involves seeing the worst of what your nation has to offer, and just as equally due to his own father trying to preserve his innocence at best, and trying to deliberately avoid sparking his natural curiosity at worst. He’d worked his way up in the military by his own hand as a result, in order to get his answers on the frontlines himself- and what he’d found wasn’t pretty. The Siege of Ba Sing Se has torn families apart, seen cultural history razed to ashes, and has in no way done anything to spread the peace and prosperity of his nation with the innocent people of the Earth Kingdom. It had confirmed all his worst fears about the Fire Nation, and about his own father. Lu Ten knew there was truth to be found, and truth he did find- a truth he could not stand by and idly ignore.

And so Lu Ten challenged his father, on the five hundred and fiftieth day of the siege. It was not a rallying call for action, or a public spectacle, rather a series of raised concerns in the enclosed space of a tented war meeting. But it was a challenge in the eyes of the seated officers, it was a challenge by Fire Nation law- he had undermined his own father’s authority, challenged his honour, and there was only one way to settle these sorts of things. If Iroh wanted to keep the respect of his men, he would have to fight his own son, and win, in Agni Kai.

Neither of them wanted this. Iroh offered Lu Ten the first strike. Lu Ten refused, and when Iroh persisted, refused to fight at all. Although Lu Ten would not surrender, it would be the easiest victory in Fire Nation history.

Iroh could not bring himself to harm his son, but if he let Lu Ten go without any punishment, he would lose the respect of his men. He asked, then commanded Lu Ten to surrender, to accept that his father was right. But Lu Ten simply refused, over and over. An hour went by without a single flame. Eventually, Iroh realised that even in stalling, he was losing. He did not like what he had to do, but his son was grown. He had forced his hand, and he could not be allowed to think that he was exempt from his duty as a citizen due to his status.

Iroh sent out a burst of flame. It would have been ridiculously easy to avoid, or to block, and then Lu Ten would have fought back enough for his defeat to not ridicule Iroh.

But Lu Ten simply let it wash over him, let it touch upon and burn his skin. It hurt, but it reinforced a further truth within his mind- his father would choose his nation over his own son. That was the last thing he’d needed to know.

Iroh was able to call a defeat there and then, a punishment enacted, a warning that Lu Ten would be further reprimanded later. But when he reached his son’s tent hours after, he found it only empty- of both the firebender and his belongings. Lu Ten had disappeared, and as the next morning made evidently clear, deserted.

…

Only days later, Iroh returned to the Fire Nation in disgrace. The Siege of Ba Sing Se had been on a downwards slide, but the Agni Kai had damaged morale, and had publicly humiliated the Dragon of the West, causing the Fire Lord to order a strategic retreat. The once-great General had been made an example of by his traitorous son, and had brought shame upon their entire bloodline as a result.

When Iroh’s younger brother suggested a change in the order of succession not long after, Fire Lord Azulon was a little more open to the possibility. Ozai was made the Crown Prince, and Ursa was there to see it. Iroh did not grieve his son, nor chase him over the world in a spiritually enlightening journey of self-discovery. Instead, he closed off and hardened up after his failure, much to the dismay of Ursa and the young prince Zuko.

Lu Ten became the Fire Nation’s most wanted criminal, but seemed to disappear off the face of the planet entirely. No one could catch him, no one could ever seem to see him. Some joked he’d gone and found the Avatar. But it was made clear that he no longer had a home to return to.

…

Sozin’s Comet was close approaching, and it was time for a new era. A new Fire Lord was crowned, after the old one perished peacefully in his sleep. The Fire Lady went missing, although not many noticed, as she’d appeared in the public eye less and less.

The new crown prince of the Fire Nation found himself in a war meeting, and as some things never change, was unable to stop himself from standing up for what he believed in.

Zuko consequently found himself in an Agni Kai arena, facing his father. Under different circumstances this might have gone some other way, but Zuko had heard about his cousin. He’d heard what had happened, how even though his father had tried not to hurt him, he’d come away burned, disgraced, and had almost toppled the entire royal family as a result. He’d heard how Lu Ten had refused to fight, and how his own nation wanted him dead for it.

Zuko knew he was not as widely beloved as Lu Ten, and he knew that his father was not afraid to hurt him, not if it taught him a lesson. So even though everything inside him screamed this is wrong, this is cruel, this is unfair, don’t fight him, don’t let yourself become a part of this, Zuko did not back down. He knew that his father could not and did not expect him to win. He knew that his father wanted to publicly demonstrate that his will as the Fire Lord was correct, and as such, he would receive the least punishment if he helped to show this. Defeating a child who did not fight- that was not a display of strength. Zuko was expected to fight for his honour, and he was expected to lose, but the honour was in the act of fighting, not winning.

Zuko rose, and accepted his opponent. He swallowed his every instinct, and took the first strike, a weak and pitiful thing. Zuko fought, and some part deep within himself was irrevocably changed as a result.

He lost, but his father did not banish him, did not brand him. He was dishonoured, but he was allowed to stay, allowed to learn from his ‘mistake’ in the sanctity of the palace walls, surrounded by tutors and teachers appointed by the Fire Lord.

Zuko did in fact learn something. He learnt to sit down, and shut up.

It didn’t matter what he thought. He was too young to understand the scale that the Fire Nation operated at, too inexperienced to understand the weight of the sacrifices his people made for him. And he was clearly alone in whatever he’d thought before, as no one had stood up for him in the arena, no one had offered to take his place, or spoken up for him. That was just how things were done, and Zuko was alone.

His father had been angry with him after the battle: not that he’d fought, but that he’d fought weakly. That was going to have to be the first thing remedied. If Zuko were to be the crown prince, it would not do to have Agni’s chosen be outshined by even his own younger sister.

His mother was not there to protect him. His uncle was busy with his own things. His cousin had left him, had run away, never to return.

The new firebending teachers were ruthless, painful, and effective. If he disappointed them even slightly, the price to pay was high.

Zuko learnt how to suppress his emotions, and in turn, himself. It worked.

…

Lu Ten had learnt how to fend for himself during his time in the military, and had been able to live off the land, travelling from Earth Kingdom village to village for the better part of three years, before he heard of the Avatar’s re-emergence.

Wasn’t that something.

He’d spent much of his time helping people, both through hands on work that his youth, strength, and fitness allowed him to take on beyond most people in needs’ own capabilities, and through very small scale political and charity work where his charm managed to set things right. Nothing that could draw too much attention to himself though, as he knew the bounty on his head was high. He’d been working his way down through the continent, and had managed to avoid any dangerous confrontation with his homeland so far.

Then the Avatar arrived, and Lu Ten was no longer the Fire Nation’s most wanted. Lu Ten himself was greatly pleased at the news, and hoped that it might herald the end of the war. He also hoped to one day meet the spirit, but had no plans of his own to seek him out.

That was, until he heard the word of his capture, by none other than the newly-promoted Admiral Zhao. The Avatar had been apprehended, and was being held in Pohuai Stronghold.

Pohuai Stronghold? That’s not too far from here.

And so it happened that armed with a single sword, an Earth Kingdom theatre mask he’d spontaneously picked up from a street vendor after being reminded of a game his young cousins used to play that involved sneaking around (Zuko, although you’d probably disagree with me for doing this, this one’s for you), and a dream, the former prince of the Fire Nation met the Avatar in the highest cell of the fortress, and then again properly after a successful escape.

…

“Ha. Azula, come have a look at this.”

His sister walked up to him and snatched the letter out of his hands. “This is a correspondence from Admiral Zhao saying that the Avatar is no longer in holding at Pohuai Stronghold. What’s funny about that?”

“Read the details. He was broken out by a single man wearing a Dark Water Spirit mask. Can you imagine?”

Azula sighed. “I can, actually. That sounds like just the kind of stupid thing that you would do. In fact, if it weren’t impossible for you to have traveled that distance in the time since it happened, you would be my first suspect.”

He laughed again. “I’m flattered, although I’m not stupid enough to break into a highly armoured Fire Nation prison with only a sword.”

The eye roll of serious doubt he received in response was almost audible.

“I would have brought two swords.”

“Idiot.” Azula read the rest of the letter. “Either way, this isn’t something to laugh about. We’ve lost the Avatar, who if you’ve forgotten, could bring an end to our whole civilisation.”

That did sort of kill the mood a little bit. She was right, as always.

“… But it’s a little funny that it happened to Zhao, of all people.”

“That guy is such a kiss-ass.”

“Trying to get in the Fire Lord’s good graces when he can’t even defend a fortress from a single lowly peasant in a play-mask?”

“They’ll make anyone an admiral these days,” Zuko agreed, and they both smiled, united by their hatred of a common enemy.

There was a moment of quiet that followed, and they both took turns reading the letter again.

“I should hope our ground forces in the area are at least competent enough to find and apprehend the criminal shortly,” Azula decided.

“Yeah.”

“Maybe we should push for an execution. It would send a message to those would-be ‘heroes’ looking to harbour the Avatar.”

Zuko sighed. “Probably for the best.”

…

this is only just the beginning. I have more planned. Lu Ten bonding with team Avatar, Iroh having a later-in-life come around to being wrong. Azula and Zuko being sent on missions together, and Zuko WILL be forcibly kidnapped, separated, and taken under someone’s wing whether he likes it or not (he won’t). Silly things happen, but at the end of the day, it’s all towards the same goal.

And even in this different universe, some things won’t change. And some things that seem to have changed already will right themselves with time.

[foxstens]

can't stop thinking about the au where riko kills kevin instead of breaking his hand

would riko have done it intentionally? would it make him finally start seeing the consequences of his actions? or would it do the opposite?

would he take his guilt anger and grief out on jean and the other ravens? or would he shut down? or would he keep going somehow because after all kevin was never his equal?

would he even survive tetsuji's wrath in the first place?

what about jean? would he somehow make it until graduation as he does in every other universe? or would grief consume his already bleak existence? maybe he'd allow himself one moment to be truly furious with his parents, with riko, with the situation before he ends things

what about thea? at that point i don't know how long it would've been since she graduated. but even if they didn't have a lot of time together, even if she already started building a life outside the nest, she would not be unaffected

what about neil? without kevin the chances of wymack wanting to recruit him would be very slim, and the chances of him accepting would be almost non-existent

but he's already barely holding on by a thread in millport so maybe kevin's death would be his breaking point. maybe he'd give up playing before wymack even saw his tape because he no longer feels alive on the court

what about andrew? he probably wouldn't really care but i think he would always remember kevin's words in that dingy locker room. he'd also probably never repair his relationship with aaron and without neil and kevin around to inspire him to keep going every day, he'd have a very boring life after graduation

what about wymack? he loved kayleigh and losing kevin too would be devastating precisely because he never got to truly know kevin. i can't decide what's worse, if he never finds out that kevin is his son or if he finds out too late (never mind how he would feel if he found out the truth about evermore)

what about the foxes? presumably janie would live and seth would get to graduate, but the current generation of foxes would never grow as close and they probably wouldn't win championships either

what about jeremy? we see he considers kevin a dear friend and if fan theories that he lost a sibling are correct, he would not get over it easily

[yanderes-galore]

A romantic concept of Darth Maul (Star Wars) if you will?

Sure! I think he's a neat (and tragic) character within the universe he's in. Although at the same time... his motivations are rather simple.

Yandere! Darth Maul Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Possessive behavior, Violence, Murder, Kidnapping, Isolation, Biting, Marking, Forced relationship.

Maul, like Vader, is another apprentice manipulated by the Sith.

Except his manipulation came first.

From a young age he was fed the seeds of being a Sith due to his fighting prowess.

Nowadays all he really knows is hate.

There's just... so much to hate.

Especially after Kenobi sent him into exile.

Maul, despite having his mind put back together, probably never recovered from his thirteen years of isolation on a trash planet.

Maul is described as obsessive already in canon.

He's this way towards power, revenge, hatred, and rage.

He embodies so many negative emotions due to the Sith who manipulated him.

Using his training, Maul survived death through hate and became ruthless and manipulative.

He's not afraid to use fear to make others obey him.

Although... He is not devoid of care.

Maul is shown to care for his mother and brother(s).

So if he found interest in someone to be his partner, that care is shown even if he's mostly intimidating.

Although, his behavior isn't going to change much just because he cares about you.

Maul is the type of person to murder innocents to lure Jedi out to kill.

Naturally Maul will also want to isolate his obsession.

He feels you're all he needs and you're one of his obsessions.

I can see Maul breaking a Jedi in to corrupt them if he likes them romantically.

It would drive him insane at first as he's supposed to kill Jedi.

But the idea of breaking this specific one in, of corrupting them, making them his...

He'll let that slide.

Other alternatives include you not being Jedi or Sith, probably still Force Sensitive but you haven't chosen a path.

That or you're an adult Sith he found a way to manipulate into listening to him. (Like an apprentice or something after your own master was slain....)

Regardless, as expected of a Sith like him, people will die.

Maul has been shown he's capable of kidnapping if it aids him, and obviously murder is instinct.

That alone makes him terrifying.

But when he takes over Mandalore?

Even worse.

Maul does anything for power... and with that power he plans to make you obey him too.

Maul seems like he'd break you down just to build you back up.

He enjoys obedience, be that willingly or through fear.

The love of a Sith is twisted, especially with Maul.

While Vader has loved once and would seem more "caring" to the one he adores.

Maul has always known being a killing machine.

His love for you would be more rough, maybe primal in a way.

He's possessive, I can see Maul nibbling on his obsession's neck or shoulder to vent that.

Maul doesn't plan to attack you or hurt you physically (much).

It's those around you who are in the most trouble.

Normally, in Maul's culture, the female chooses the male.

However, it's obvious he's playing the rules differently here (especially if you aren't even female or a different race)

You can't choose any other partner if they're dead, right?

Even then I imagine Maul still tries courting you, it's just you... don't have much of a choice but to accept him?

You can barely even speak to others without hearing that signature noise of a saber being activated.

You and his family are what he cares for other than revenge and power.

Although, in Maul's life, he loses his family eventually.

When left with nothing else, Maul becomes even more suffocating.

He hides you away, and as much as he'd rather not, restrains you.

You're the only person he has now, the only one he needs.

To him, you should feel the same way.

He's your partner, your mate, you'll need him as much as he needs you if he isolates you

Maul is a yandere who would force you to need him.

He'll force you to be addicted to him, to give into desire and have him as yours.

Why fight him when he can give you all you want?

He can read you, he can give everything...

Just give in to him...

You're his to corrupt, his to have, his love... and ultimately, his to own.

[gravityglitch-blog]

Wishes for Absolution

(The night before the trip to Cabin Fever Labs, N and Uzi lean on each other for comfort.)

Part I: N

He woke up with the fever and the screams running through him again.

N shook himself to loosen the grip of memory. He grabbed a severed drone arm from the stash in the corner of the landing pod, his current home. The oil was old, clotted, but it did the job of bringing down his temperature. He had always felt guilty that his life came at the cost of others. There was no taking back what he had done. He had sworn now to only take oil from already-slain drones.

Robo-God knew, there were more than enough of those. Though it didn’t sate his hunger as well as fresh oil, it would do.

The Worker Drones were corrupted. A problem to be solved. That was the lie he’d been sold, the task he’d been given, and oh, had he done it well. He’d taken no joy in it, that much was true. He’d been driven by survival instinct more than the mission. But all that oil was still on his hands, and nothing would ever wash it away.

Perched atop the landing pod now, the icy wind ruffling his hair and only the moons of Copper Nine for company, N reflected on his victims. They’d all tried to run, at first. Most had pleaded for their lives. Some sad few had fallen limp the moment he got hold of them, accepting their fate. For what felt like the thousandth time, he tried and failed to remember if any of them had a familiar shade of purple hair. If any of them resembled the one and only Worker who had ever fought back, and won. Uzi Doorman.

Even thinking of her now brought a strange mixture of comfort and guilt to his chest.

Comfort, because she was the only one in his strange life who had ever treated him like a real person, who he could name as his best friend without hesitation. Guilt, because if his fear proved true, and he had stained himself with Doorman family oil, he would lose her forever.

He looked to the corpse spire on the horizon, where V preferred to make her home these days. Away from him. He didn’t blame her. They didn’t exactly see eye to eye anymore, if they ever had. During the short time Uzi had stayed with them, the tiny pod had felt crowded, but for the first time, it had felt something like home.

Aside from her schemes to take the fight to Earth, and to the humans who had brought all this upon them, Uzi had also shared with him bits and pieces of her life. He’d listened to her recite the long and sometimes complicated storylines of the anime she had pirated. He hadn’t understood a thing, but it didn’t matter.

He’d been silently overjoyed that someone was talking to him. In return, he’d told her about the dreams he’d been having, which he suspected were memories. He’d told her about how he wished he could have a pet someday, and that he wanted to learn about art. Copper Nine was a bleak canvas of whites and grays, and he found himself longing for colors. Not only had she listened to him, she had even started teaching him how to draw. The walls of the pod were decorated with some of his earliest attempts, done with crayons he’d once discovered on a scouting mission and hidden from J. If she’d found them, she would have destroyed them. There were a few of Uzi’s drawings, too. Normally they made him feel better, but tonight, they only helped highlight his loneliness in neon red.

He looked toward the spire, a monument to his crimes. Broken bodies. Broken lives.

“I know it will never be enough,” he said quietly, as one speaks at a gravesite. “But I am so, so sorry.”

The corpses did not answer.

Loneliness, the ever-present bug in his systems, was eating voraciously at him tonight. It tortured him with all he couldn’t remember and all he couldn’t forget. He couldn’t stay still any longer. His wings snapped open and he took to the dark sky. He told himself it was just a quick flight to clear his mind. But he already knew where he was going.

Part II: Uzi

Uzi trudged back into her room, the skirt of her prom dress swirling around her. It was the fanciest clothing she had, and tonight, she’d had need of it. Her father had been honored with an awards ceremony.

After the colony had struck a truce with the Disassembly Drones, he’d come up with a new invention: windows. “They’re like doors, but for your eyes!”

Everyone had been amazed by this concept. Because it gave her father such a glow of pride, and because he’d been trying so hard to do better by her, Uzi had held back her usual sarcasm. She’d been the first to receive a window in her room. Almost all the living quarters had them now. It was nice to be able to see the sky. She had taken to using one of her spare black hoodies to cover it up during the brightest part of the day. The sunlight made her feel strange and achy. Most likely because she’d never seen so much of it before. The ceremony had been nice, full of happy chatter and congratulations. People were almost willing to talk to her now.

But the noise had eventually made her tired.

So had that oil smell that seemed to hover over the whole gym, where prom had been held not so long ago. They probably hadn’t been able to clean it all up yet. No one else had seemed bothered by it, though.

She’d excused herself, leaving her dad to enjoy his moment.

She changed into the oversized shirt, baggy pants printed with cartoon bats, and fluffy black cat slippers she wore to bed. She was about to put the dress away when something made her stop and stare at it. The memory of the very first time she’d worn it, with N.

A blush rose unbidden to her face. She wished it could have been a normal date. Without all the murder.

A date? Where had that thought come from??

If she was being honest with herself, she missed N. Despite all the differences between them, no one had ever made her feel so understood. She would see him again tomorrow, during the field trip. She’d also see V again, too. This she didn’t look forward to so much. But even she had to admit that V was trying. The friendship that their killer prom queen had struck with Lizzy had slowly been turning into something more genuine. Maybe there was hope for them all yet. Tired as she was, Uzi was still feeling restless. She had just set her beaten-but-tough old laptop to watch something when she heard a series of quick taps at her window.

“What the heck?”

She pulled open her makeshift blackout drapes to see N’s smiling face. He was hanging upside down and waving at her.

“N!” 

She slid the window open.

“Hi, Uzi!”

“Hey,” she smiled. “I thought you’d be resting until tomorrow. What’s up?”

“I wanted to return your book!” He held up the manga volume that had been missing so long she’d almost given up on it. “Also…” he scratched at the back of his head. “I’m having trouble sleeping. Nightmares.”

Uzi nodded, no stranger to nightmares herself.

She stepped aside to allow him space to climb in, but still he lingered out in the cold.

Then she remembered. “You can come in, N.”

He smiled again and clambered through, having some trouble with his tall build. It hit her like a punch in the face that this was the first time he’d visited her home. All her belongings looked small next to him. 

“Will your dad be okay with me being here?”

“Probably not. But he’s not home. The colony is still celebrating the invention of the window.”

She returned the book to its proper place on the shelf before noticing that N had gone strangely quiet. He was staring at her. More accurately, at her stupid, dorky pajamas!

Part III: N

He’d always thought Uzi was cute. Any Drone who thought otherwise needed their optics checked. When he’d seen her in her prom dress not long ago, “cute” had upgraded to “beautiful”, and he’d just barely stopped himself from saying so. But he’d never seen her like this. Wearing a well-loved shirt and pants that draped over her tiny frame. Fuzzy slippers.

But what most caught his attention was her hair. For once, she was without her signature beanie. Her hair was longer and fluffier than he’d thought, gently tousled as if she’d just run her fingers through it. He was wondering what it would feel like to do just that when he pulled himself back to reality. 

“Uzi,” he said quietly, “You look so cu—“

She crossed her arms over her chest. “I swear to Robo-God, if you say “cute”—“

“Cozy!” He substituted quickly. “You look really cozy, like you just woke up.”

Uzi squinted at him, weighing his answer. Finally a small laugh escaped her. “I’ll allow it.”

“Oh, no, did I wake you up?” He asked, feeling guilty now. “It’s okay, I can leave—“

“No, you don’t have to go! I just got back from my dad’s award thing. I…I’m kind of feeling nervous about the trip tomorrow. I was going to watch some anime to help me calm down.”

He nodded, then sank down to sit cross-legged on her floor. He fussed with the hem of his coat. What he wanted to say refused to solidify into words. Uzi perched on the edge of her bed, patient, listening.

It came out almost without him realizing. “I’m a monster, Uzi.”

She didn’t have an immediate reply to that. She hugged her knees to her chest. 

“What brought this on?”

“Ever since we met, I’ve been thinking about everything. All I’ve done. The reason I was made. Everyone I’ve ever…killed.” He looked up at her. His eyes flickered with the threat of tears.

“I almost killed you, the best person I’ve ever met. How can you even look at me?”

Uzi rested her chin atop her knees. “I decapitated you the day we met. I’m hardly in a place to pass judgment.”

She must have sensed how disturbed he was, because she took her time before continuing.

For awhile, the only sound was the distressed pounding of his heart.

“The reason you were made,” she said at last. “You didn’t get to choose that. You didn’t choose killing just to be able to survive. Everything that you did before…I’m not going to say it doesn’t matter. But the way I see it, you were the weapon. You were used. Besides, the company, or whoever’s behind all this, made you reliant on oil. Maybe…if we learn more, dig deep enough…maybe we can find a cure?” The little note of hope in her voice nearly ended him. This girl had his heart in total free fall, and she didn’t even know it. She was still talking.

“There could be something to help, so you won’t need to drink oil anymore. So the sun won’t hurt you.”

His gaze drifted to her window. “That would be something. To see the world by daylight.”

“I’ll show you,” she promised with a gentle smile. “Not that there’s much to see on this rock.”

“Doesn’t matter, so long as I get to see it with you.”

A brief silence and blush lines followed this.

Uzi tugged on her hair, something he’d noticed she often did when nervous.

“Do you want to stay and watch some anime with me? It sometimes helps when the nightmares are bad and I can’t sleep.”

N’s eyes hollowed. “Not the one with the scary book again!”

Uzi was already digging through a box at the corner of her room. “No, not that one. Look, no one even knows I have this anime. I’ve got my reputation to protect. So you can’t tell anyone, okay?”

In answer, N mimed zipping his mouth shut and throwing away the key. He helped her arrange her pillows and blankets into a fort / nest on the floor. Once they were settled in, Uzi hit “play” on her laptop, and the opening theme began.

“Fighting evil by moonlight! Winning love by daylight! Never running from a real fight! She is the one named Sailor Moon!”

N was entranced by the story of these magical girls and their fight to defend love and justice.

Uzi seemed happy to openly geek out, something she hadn’t dared show anyone else. He felt a deep sense of gratitude that she would share this with him.

“Sailor Mars has always been my favorite,” she said, as the character sent a firestorm hurtling toward her enemy onscreen.

“I think I’d pick Usagi for my favorite,” N chimed in.

“I thought you might.”

“Why?’

“She’s just like you. Strong, brave…maybe a little silly, but with her heart wide open.”

Uzi’s eyes grew wide when she realized what she’d just said. N resisted the urge to pull his hat down over his face to hide his furious blush. As the episodes rolled on, N felt the exhaustion finally creeping up on him. He slumped against Uzi’s shoulder like a pillow. He felt her start, but she didn’t push him away. Her skin was pleasantly cool against his cheek, soothing the constant fever. He could hear her heart beat a comforting rhythm. 

He had almost silenced that rhythm forever.

He shuddered and instinctively burrowed more closely into her side.

Never again. He would never let anything hurt her ever again. The vow brought him some peace. He was halfway asleep when she spoke up.

“N?”

“Hmm?”

“When I went out there that first night—“ she hesitated. He looked up at her, eyes curious and drowsy.

“I was so stupid,” she finished sadly. “I thought I was going to be some kind of hero, like in these stories. I was going to be the one to save Copper Nine and we’d all live happily ever after. But what if I’m not meant to be the hero? What if I’m just a screwup like everyone’s always said?”

“How silly,” N said, more asleep than awake now. “Of course, you’re my hero. You’re going to save us all and find a cure, remember? And I’ll be your faithful sidekick!”

Uzi laughed, a wonderful sound to him. “You’re no sidekick. You’re way more than that. You’re my—“

Here she stopped again, unable to find the word she wanted.

He glanced up at her as the silence stretched. What would she say? Friend? Partner? No, that was too intimate…

With a shrug, she gave up and said simply, “You’re my N.”

Sleepiness had lowered his inhibitions. He reached up and gently twirled a lock of her hair around his finger before letting it spring free again. “My Uzi.”

A comforting quiet settled over them, until he felt himself entering sleep mode. Instead of a nightmare, he was met by Uzi’s voice, singing a soft lullaby.

“Deep in my soul

Love so strong

It takes control

Now we both know

The secrets bared

The feelings show

Driven far apart

I’ll make a wish on a shooting star

There will come a day, somewhere far away

In your arms I’ll stay, my only love

Even though you’re gone, love will still live on

The feeling is so strong

My only love”

His last thought before the soft dark claimed him was, What a beautiful dream.

This is the song I imagined Uzi singing, from the 90’s Sailor Moon dub. This song touches my heart to this day.

[rootbeergoddess]

Our Love is Enough

Summary: You’re Tengen’s fourth wife. You pass out because you haven’t been eating and Tengen finds out. Furious, he confronts and later, confronts your bullies.

~*~

You woke up with a start. How long have you been asleep? God, you were so behind on your chores. You threw the blanket off you and were about to stand up when a wave of dizziness hit you. You sat back down, holding your head. This headache was still driving you nuts. How could you do your wifely duties while your head hurt?

“Ah, I see you’re awake,” 

Damnit, someone needed to put a bell on Shinobu. How long had she been in the room? 

“Yes, I am. How long have I been asleep?”

“Asleep?” Shinobu cocked her head. “Y/N, you passed out. You suddenly collapsed while making dinner for your husband and your wives.”

Oh no.

Your dizzy spells had been worsening, but you managed to hide them. When you passed out, you could always tell. Why had this one been so bad? Oh, and Tengen saw it! Tengen probably went ballistic; he was so protective of his wives. Suma was also so sensitive; she hated seeing people she loved hurt. God, this was such a mess. 

“Y/N, how long were you planning on not eating?” Shinobu asked.

You didn’t say anything for a second. There was no way Shinobu hadn’t realized what was going on. While she wasn’t the strongest Hashria but she was brilliant. There was no one smarter than her. 

“It was only three days,” You managed to answer.

“Oh, that’s fine. You only starved your body of nutrients needed to survive and caused yourself to pass out,” Shinobu’s voice had a bite to it. “Not only did you worry Tengen and your sweet wives, but you didn’t even think of poor little Zenistu.”

Shinobu was good at making your feel guilty. Granted, she was right. Zenistu had found out about you not eating; he heard your stomach rumbling. You explained and begged him not to say anything when he asked why. The secret was probably eating him up inside. Sweet Zenistu had always been so kind to you, partly because he had an obvious crush on you. What a terrible person you were to take advantage of him.

“I—-I—-” Your voice wavered. “I was trying to lose weight so I wouldn’t embarrass Tengen and the others.”

The first tear slid down your face.

“What?” Shinobu asked.

“Look at me!” You shouted. “My body is so unappealing compared to Suma, Makio, and Hinatsuru’s. I’m a fat tub of lard who doesn’t deserve four loving spouses! Tengen would be better off without me anyways!” 

Tears begin to fall, and you hide your face, sobbing. All you had wanted was to be a beautiful wife to Tengen and your three wives. Now, you had failed. You had failed completely. They would never accept you back. What were you going to do? Where would you live? The idea of them rejecting you was worse than death in your eyes.

Shinbou grabbed your hair and slapped you across the face.

“That is enough! Y/N, I’ll poison you if you ever speak about yourself like this again!” She said. “How could you doubt Tengen’s love? Do you think he’s so cruel?”

“No, but—”

“While I think four wives is too many, there is no doubt in my mind that Tengen adores you,” Shinobu continued. “I remember when he came to me, asking for advice.”

“He came to you? Why?” 

“He said it had been long since he courted anyone. He was nervous.”

“Nervous,” You deadpanned. “Tengen Uzui, the god of festivals, was nervous?” 

“I know, I can barely believe it myself, but Tengen was enamored with you. And your wives? Oh, they were beside themselves. Didn’t you notice how Suma would always follow you around?”

The memory brought a smile to your face. Before marrying Uzui and your wives, you were a nurse at the Butterfly Mansion. When you met Uzui, you didn’t think much of his flirting. How come could someone like him be interested in a fatty like you? Then, you met Suma, Makio, and Hina. They were each beautiful in their own way, and you weren’t shocked when Tengen revealed he was married to all three of them.

What was shocking was all four of them had taken an interest in you. Suma would show up at the butterfly mansion and just trail after you. Even though she was squeamish around blood and broken bones, she never stopped following after you. Makio had been a bit more awkward, coming off as mean when she interacted with you. Your sweetness had won her over; that she what she told you. Whenever Makio showed up, you always smiled at her no matter what she said.

Hina was much more subtle, but you had caught her blushing a few times. When you asked why, she brushed it off, but eventually, you noticed her staring. You were naive at the time; you hadn’t dated much. Being a bigger woman meant a smaller dating pool. You didn’t pick up on these clues until Tengen came to you with a massive bouquet of flowers. It was filled with some of the most beautiful and unique flowers I had ever seen.

“Oh, those are beautiful, Tengen,” You said with a smile. “Shinobu will love them.”

“These aren’t for Kocho-san,” He said.

“Really? I thought they were a gift to thank you for constantly patching you,” You teased.

“It’s true; she has been a great help in keeping me in tip-top shape,” Tengen said. “But these are you for.”

That made you freeze. Was this a joke? No one had ever given you flowers. Well, your father had, but that didn’t count. You looked at him, searching for a bit of malice in his smile. No, that smile was genuine. Tengen wasn’t a person to lie; he was always honest about his desires.

“For me?” You looked at the flowers. “But wouldn’t this be something you give to some you want to court?”

“Oh, so you’re finally catching on,” Tengen handed you the flowers. “Y/N, my wives have been begging me to ask you a crucial question. It’s not a question I ask just anyone. Y/N, would you allow us the honor of courting you?”

The world had gone still at that moment. You were speechless for an eternity before you squeaked out a small ‘yes.’

“Wait, did you suggest the bouquet he gave me?” You asked Shinobu. 

“I did,” Shinobu giggled. “He didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked, so he decided to get that big one, full of different ones. He was nervous even then. I had to push him into the mansion to get him going.”

This news was shocking. Tengen was the most confident man you knew. No one could even come close to Tengen’s bravado. He saw himself as a god and declared he was flashy constantly. But he had been nervous about courting you? That seemed impossible. It drove people crazy, but you personally found it charming. You wished you had at least a fraction of his confidence.  

Your conversation was interrupted when the door flew open. There stood your husband, panting and slightly sweaty. Oh, you were in for it. He was going to be so mad at you. He made his way toward your bed and then grabbed your face.

“Are you alright?” He asked. 

“Um—yes?”

“There are no bruises from the fall? Did you hit your head? What about a fracture?” He turned to Shinobu. “I want you to run as many tests as you can. What if she contracted a deadly disease?” 

“Um–Tengen?”

“When she fell, she fell hard! Was there any bleeding?”

“Tengen?”

“Do we need to contact any other doctors?”

“TENGEN!” You managed to shout. “Tengen, I’m fine. I just passed out.”

“Yes, because you weren’t eating,” Tengen said.

Great, he knew. Zenistu had probably told him. You winced as he gave you what was known as the ‘Husband Stare.’ He was angry.

“It’s no big deal, I just—-”

“No big deal?” Tengen repeated. “No big deal? No big deal!? You PASSED OUT! You could have been injured when you fell!”

“But I wasn’t,” You tried to interrupt.

“And do you know what starving yourself does? That is not flashy! It thins out your hair, and your complexion becomes dull. I will not allow it!”

“I just–I was trying to lose weight. I thought it’d be faster this way,” You admitted. “I don’t want you to be embarrassed by me.”

“Embarrassed? Why would I be embarrassed by you?” 

“Tengen, you’re so muscular and toned, while our wives have perfect waists. All of you are so perfect, and then there is me. I’m not even close to being on your level.”

“Who says?” Tengen asked. “Wait, were those assholes in town?”

“I—wait, you know?” 

“Of course, I know. The blonde hair wimp told me. He was worried about you and used his hearing to figure out someone in town had been harassing you. Beloved, I don’t care what others think. It’s their fault for not seeing how brilliant and flashy you are. I’m also hurt. Do you think I’d leave you just because you’re not skinny?”

“Tengen,” You sniffled. “I—I’m sorry, I just got scared. You’re the best thing to happen to me, and I love our wives too. I’m just always afraid of losing this wonderful life.”

“Why?” Tengen asked, caressing your face. “Suma, Hina and Makio love you. I love you. Can’t our love be enough? The rest of the world can be stupid and not see your greatness, but you never have to worry about our love.”

“Oh, Tengen!” You hugged him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean you scare you or our wives. I love you all so much!”

“Please, don’t starve yourself to fit in. You don’t have to,” Tengen squeezed you. “Let’s go home.”

“Wait,” You looked over at Shinobu. “Shinobu, I want to thank you. Not just for your help but for talking to me.”

“You’re welcome. Normally, I’d recommend you stay in bed, but I have a feeling Uzui won’t listen to me,” Shinobu sighed. 

“You’d be right,” Uzui said.

Uzui picked you up effortlessly. You squealed, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“I can walk!” You protested.

“The girls don’t want to be away from her,” Uzui continued. “Thank you for your help Kocho!”

“Tengen, I can walk!” You said again.

“Walking is for those who are unflashy,” He said, carrying you out of the mansion. 

“Y/N, YOU’RE OKAY!”

Suma started bawling upon seeing you. The entire way back home, Uzui refused to put you down. When you entered the house, the wives all came running to greet you. Tengen put you down, and immediately, you were swarmed by the three women.

“I thought you were going to die!” Suma wailed. “You passed out, and it was so scary!”

“Stop smothering her; you’ll get snot all over her!” Makio said. “Y/N, don’t you ever do that to us again! You almost gave me a heart attack!”

“I’m sorry, Makio, Suma,” You said. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Your stomach growled loudly, interrupting the sweet moment. 

“I had a feeling you’d be hungry,” Hinatsuru chuckled. “We prepared a special dinner.”

“Would there be any tempura?” You asked, hopefully.

“Of course,” Hinatsuru said.

“Yes! I love your cooking, Hina!” You hugged her.

“Hey, where is my hug?” Suma asked.

Tengen smiled as he watched his happy wives. It was chaos, but god, did he love it. People usually enjoyed silence and stillness but not Tengen. He wanted his house to be loud, filled with laughter and love. As the girls ushered Y/N into the dining room, Tengen slipped away. He was going to join them, but he had something else he needed to attend to. 

Quietly as he could, he took off towards town. He reached the local bar; outside stood Zenistu. 

“Are they in there?” Tengen asked.

“Yes,” Zenistu said through gritted teeth. “Once you’re done with me, I want to a turn! Those slimeballs insult Miss Y/N’s beauty! They’re going to pay.”

Tengen chuckled; Zenistu was many things, but he didn’t take people disrespecting women. It was flashy. Zenistu entered the bar and pointed towards a rowdy group sitting at a table. Tengen nodded as he marched towards them. He stopped before the group, waiting for them to notice him. A sloppily, dull man with greasy hair looked at him, unimpressed. It took them a minute. 

“Can we help you?” One of them asked.

Tengen responded with a hand around the man’s neck. Without breaking a sweat, he threw the offender over an empty table. It shattered, and bar patrons took notice. The man gasped for air but had little time to breathe as Tengen picked him up by the feet.

“Daichi!” Someone yelled. “Hey, put him down!”

Tengen turned to look at the rest of the group. The rest of them froze as he gave them a cold, heartless stare. These were the people who harassed his wife; they had no rights. He dropped Daichi and strode over to the table.

“Which one of you said it?” He asked his voice low.

“S-said what?” One of them gulped.

“Which one of you called my wife a cow?” He asked. “Don’t act like you don’t know. Y/N Uzui, she comes to town frequently, and I was told that you unflashy lot are the ones who demeaned her. So who said it?”

The rest of the table was silent, giving each other glances. Tengen’s patience was wearing thin. He took his blades on and stabbed the table. 

“It was Shouji!” Daichi managed, pointing at a man in a green kimono. “He was the one who started it! He even said she looked like a whale!”

“It’s true! He even oinked at her like a pig!” Another added.

“Seriously?” Shouji said. “Okay, so I called the fatty a cow! So—”

Tengen grabbed Shouji by the neck. Shouji started gagging, but Tengen didn’t let go. Instead, he left the bar with Shouji in hand. He passed by Zenistu and merely nodded. The yellow-haired boy returned the nod and ran into the bar. He could hear the young boy screaming up a storm, defending Y/N. Shouji kept trying to breathe, but Tengen ignored him. 

Using his training, he jumped up into the air and landed on a building. No, it wasn’t high enough. Looking around, he saw a tower. Ah, that was perfect. He ran towards it, never releasing his grip. Tengen jumped up and ran up the building when he got close enough. When he reached the top, he held Shouji over the edge.

“Please, please don’t drop me!” He begged.

“Oh, I’m not going to drop you,” Tengen said with a twisted grin. “But you are going to suffer. I’m also going to make something clear. Don’t you ever interact with my wife again? Don’t look at her, don’t think about her, don’t even mention her name. Got it?”

Shouji nodded. Tengen brought him away from the edge and set him down. He got a kunai and held it against the other man’s throat.

“Get undressed, now,”

Shouji complied. Once he was down to his underwear, Tengen threw rope toward the man.

“Tie your arms up,” He said. “Hurry it up.”

Once again, Shouji obeyed. Once he was tied, Tengen grabbed the rest of the rope. He tied it firmly to the railing and then grabbed Shouji. Shouji started to beg for mercy, but it fell on deaf ears. Tengen tossed Shouji over the edge and watched as the man wailed. He hung there, naked and terrified. Tengen felt satisfied and decided to head back to his wives.

“Wow, you even made ramen? Just for me?” Y/N said.

“Of course! I even added extra pork,” Hinasturu said. 

“Hina, you’re the best!” Y/N said. 

“Hey, what about us? We helped you know,” Makio grumbled, crossing her arms.

Y/N laughed and gave Makio a kiss on the cheek. Makio tried to hide her face, but she was apparently smiling.

“I want a kiss too!” Suma pouted. “I was the one who made the dango!”

“There is dango for dessert? Hooray!” 

Y/N pulled Suma forward and showered her with kisses.

“Hey, no fair!” Makio said.

Tengen managed to sneak back into the kitchen without his wife noticing. He laughed heartily, seeing Makio and Suma fighting over Y/N’s affections. Y/N noticed Tengen, and she got up to run to him.

“You’ll miss out if you don’t come and sit! If you don’t, I’ll eat all of it!” Y/N teased.

“Now this?” Tengen tickled her chin. “This is what I like to see. I like to see my Y/N happy and silly like she normally is. No more starving yourself?”

“Nope!” She said. “Now come on, sit down!” 

Tengen sat down with his wives. He smiled as he looked down at his spouse. Y/N was feeding Suma a dumpling while Hinastru cleaned something off Makio’s face. Makio was blushing, trying to avoid Hina’s look. This was his perfect little family; he’d do anything to protect them.

[aithusarosekiller]

An Extensive List Of Ouizzy Hcs

Frenchie is a cuddler. If he gets the opportunity to latch on like a koala you know damn well that he will do it. This is often paired with soft kisses to wherever is closest to his face. He and Izzy were initially very casual with very little intimacy, until one day Frenchie just decided to cuddle up and Izzy had the realisation of 'oh shit, this is actually really nice'

Izzy's response to the first 'I love you' was a very panicked 'fuck off' until he remembered how similarly Ed had responded to his confession and freaked the fuck out because he didn't want Frenchie to feel that way. He was too emotionally constipated to apologise so he just left the room. It took two days for him to approach Frenchie and manage an apology, which was accepted a lot quicker than he anticipated.

Frenchie is so proud that he managed to pull the Izzy Hands and will not fail to mention it to EVERYBODY he comes across. He is very much the 'Well, yesterday, my husband said...' 'According to Iz- that's my boyfriend btw-' 'hey, this is Izzy, he's my beautiful boyfriend' 'I'm so lucky to have a husband like Iz' 'I have a partner too, his name is Izzy and-' 'sorry, I've got a date with my darling Izzy today' type of partner

Frenchie smiles in his sleep. It's adorable.

Jim is their no.1 supporter. They gave Frenchie the shovel talk, which he genuinely did not see coming. They think their relationship is 'cute', which made Izzy particularly grumpy and reluctant to talk to them for a week.

Izzy is a sub

Izzy always falls asleep first but he's a super light sleeper so Frenchie is careful to not move or even breathe too loud because he is terrified of waking him

Stede knew they were dating before Izzy did

Izzy will usually shut down Frenchie's superstitious theories but will occasionally indulge him if he's particularly adamant and it won't cause any harm bc at least it makes Frenchie happy to be believed.

The room they choose to hide Izzy in when he gets shot is the room the two of them had been secretly meeting up in for several weeks before the canon s2 timeline picks up. Frenchie just panicked and took him right there, having to come up with an excuse to give to Archie when she asked why he wanted to drag Izzy behind a dusty shelf.

Frenchie gives neck hugs, Izzy goes for the arms around the waist + face in shoulder hug. Occasionally Izzy will come up and hug him from behind but he finds it more intimate for some inexplicable reason so he rarely does it, especially in the company of others.

They can't go anywhere without walking into some big, scary guy Izzy once hooked up with. But Frenchie quickly grew to not mind because out of all of them, Iz still chose to stick the superstitious barely-pirate with no survival skills whatsoever so are any of them really that cool after all?

Lucius takes every opportunity to tease Izzy about their relationship. He will not stop until he gets a satisfying reaction. Or until he gets bored enough to make up an excuse for leaving...

Frenchie is a biter. No further information.

They don't usually do anniversaries but they DO frequently pretend that it's their anniversary when they want to get out of doing something for somebody else

In S1E4, Frenchie is the one that left the prosthetic at Izzy's door. He's also the one that told Lucius what to put on the note.

Izzy sometimes sings when he's really focused on something but he'll deny it to the end of time. Frenchie hears sometimes and just quietly listens. He'll switch between languages when he sings depending on his mood and Frenchie loses all human cognitive abilities when he brings out the French.

One day, Frenchie 'adopts' a rat he found onboard and calls it Maddy, Izzy hates it but still manages to convince Roach not to skin it and feed it to a seagull, all bc it made Frenchie happy. Ofc if you asked him, he'd say he had nothing to do with the thing being kept.

Frenchie manages to somehow slip the word 'babe' into every conversation

Izzy's a hand kisser. Especially the palms.

They both go to Wee John when they're stressing about gifts or smth and it gets to a point where he knows more about their relationship than they do

Izzy accidentally let the words 'my love' slip ONCE and is not allowed to forget it

There is nothing Frenchie wouldn't do to hear that man laugh. He'll do absolutely anything just to see him smile or laugh, which initially proves to be quite difficult.

They are girl dads idec

Izzy occasionally smokes, and it's one of the key ways Frenchie can tell if he is in pain or stressed out

They make bets about everyone else on the ship constantly. About almost anything.

Izzy tried to teach Frenchie how to read but his reading skills are relatively limited so it really didn't go well. They end up going to Ed for help because Izzy banned him from asking Lucius.

Frenchie knows a lot about flowers. He never says how but he'll go on about them for ages. Izzy secretly gives it endearing.

The black jacket Frenchie wears in s2 was given to him by Izzy. He made some adjustments and added the cat to the back and then started to wear it constantly; he quite liked wearing it because it felt like a comforting layer of protection and familiarity from the horrors around them

[aishangotome]

[Gilbert] Choose Your True Love: Part 3

Part 2

♡———♡

A scream filled with all the agony of the world shook the tense air.

Curious, I approached the window, but was immediately pulled away from behind by my waist.

Gilbert: You're quite curious, aren't you?

Emma: ...............

(...What was that...?)

I think I only saw it for a few seconds.

But in those few seconds, there was a scene that burned into my mind.

My body wouldn't stop shaking, and I felt sick.

Emma: What... what was that?

Emma: ...Blood...

Emma: The square... was bright red...

Gilbert: Ah, you saw it?

Gilbert: It's the Emperor's game... Obsidian's famous public execution.

Emma: Execution...?

Gilbert: His methods are messy. Even experienced cleaners get sick sometimes, so it's best you don't watch.

Emma: ...Ah...

Gilbert: There, there, you were scared.

Gilbert held me in his arms and stroked my hair as if soothing a child.

If I had seen that sight alone, I might have screamed.

(...People's heads... were lined up.)

(So many... like a spectacle.)

Emma: In this castle... Do people die so easily, every day?

Gilbert: Yes. Life is cheap, equal to a scrap of paper.

Gilbert: You're normal to think it's abnormal. It's better not to lose that sense.

Gilbert: If you become like me and see that and feel nothing, it's too late for you as a human.

Emma: ...............

(Assassinations, executions...)

(...It's a nightmare.)

If this isn't a dream but a reality of the past, then I understand why Gilbert, who was once a kind boy, had to become a trampling beast.

(This is... He couldn't have survived this without becoming a beast.)

I clung to his cold body, and Gilbert's fingertips tightened.

Gilbert: This is not a place for you to be.

Gilbert: I don't know what the future me was thinking when he brought you to Obsidian, but...

Gilbert: I want to kill the "me" who brought a pure you to this dirty place.

(His voice... He's serious.)

Roderich: Prince Gilbert.

Gilbert: Ah, thank you for your hard work. Have you secured the route?

Roderich: Yes. Since the execution is in progress, now is the time to go.

Gilbert: I see. ...Can you walk?

(...We're leaving this place.)

When I nodded, Gilbert let go of me.

Instead, he took my hand and pulled me gently, as if escorting me.

I stumbled, but managed to move my legs.

Behind me, the death throes were still rising.

Men and women alike--if there is a hell, this place might be it.

-

Gilbert: You look pale. ...Roderich, bring the medicine.

Roderich: Yes.

We left the castle through a deserted area and were led to one of Gilbert's hideouts in the city.

Thankfully, the hellish spectacle wasn't taking place in the city, but what I saw on the way here was different from what I knew.

(Everyone looked depressed and tired, there was no vitality, and the whole city was desolate.)

(...I like the Obsidian of the future, but the Obsidian of the past is very...)

Gilbert: Can you take the medicine?

Emma: ...What kind of medicine is it?

Gilbert: It's a medicine to calm your nerves.

(They have that kind of medicine on hand?)

I was handed a small vial while sitting on a chair.

Judging by the familiar, unique color, it might be something Walter had made.

Next to the vial was a drink that looked like it could be a palate cleanser. It was very thoughtful.

Emma: Thank you...

Gilbert: You're welcome. But be careful, it tastes awful.

(...I know, Gil.)

I accepted his kindness and poured the liquid from the vial down my throat in one gulp.

I masked the peculiar taste that made me feel even worse with the sweet juice.

Gilbert: Now, you said you came from the future, but you don't know how to solve the current situation.

Gilbert: Since we don't know, we need to investigate, and I'll take care of that.

Emma: Huh?

Gilbert: I'm going to have you evacuate to Jade until I find out more.

Gilbert: I'd really like to send you to Rhodolite, but...

Gilbert: The Bloodstained Rose Day, wasn't it? I think that war you were talking about will happen soon.

Emma: ...

Gilbert: I'll report back to you. So, with that said...

Gilbert: Take care, "Little Rabbit."

Gilbert stroked my hair and turned his back.

It seems he's going to return to the castle without resting.

Gilbert: Roderich, you don't have to come back for a while.

Roderich: Will you be alright on your own?

Gilbert: Who are you talking to?

Roderich: ...My apologies.

Gilbert: I'll make sure you get to Jade safely.

Gilbert: If you get even a single scratch, your head will be next, so be careful.

Emma: Wait... please.

I stood up from the chair and grabbed Gilbert's mantle.

Gilbert: What is it?

(Gilbert in the past has been so kind to me.)

(But I... haven't been able to thank him for anything.)

When I thought about what I could do now, the first thing I noticed were the dark circles under Gilbert's eyes.

(...Come to think of it, there were documents piled up in his room too.)

(Maybe he's taking over all the government affairs of the country instead of the Emperor, who neglects domestic affairs.)

In the future, Gilbert seemed to have his own time by training people and delegating tasks, but if that nightmare is happening every day, he might not even have that luxury now.

There's only one thing I can do for Gilbert, who is being targeted and working so hard.

Emma: Would you like to rest for a bit?

Gilbert: Do I look tired?

Emma: ...Yes.

Emma: You don't look "alright."

Gilbert: ...

Gilbert: I see. If you, who are sensitive to people's emotions, say so, then maybe I am?

Gilbert: ...That's a very tempting offer, but...

Gilbert put his hand over his mouth, paused as if in thought, and then lowered the corners of his eyebrows.

Gilbert: But... I'm sorry.

.

.

.

. Part 4 | YouTube SE in JP

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[kaziwi]

I don't know if you accept angst, so I kind of have two requests. In case you write anguish, I wanted to ask: Ace x f!reader, after marineford ace survives and he ended up isolating himself and thinking only about getting stronger and the reader is always asking them to rest, but he never does and someday, he ends up losing patience with the reader and they end up drifting apart

sif you don't write anguish, I have the same request but instead of Ace losing his temper with the reader, he will like the reader's actions and become more clingy.

If you don't like it, just delete or ignore this request.

Hii!! I am so sorry for the wait!! I'm not too good with angst, so I hope this is okay. I hope you enjoy!!

Drifting Apart

Character(s): Ace

WC: 523

Summary: Ace wants to focus on getting stronger after Marineford, but you just want things to go back to normal (angst)

Ace made sure to lock the door before his workout, he didn't need anyone bothering him. He moved all his weights to his room, he couldn't have the rest of the crew distracting him. He started lifting his weights, slowly adding more to his training regiment each day. He didn't care how, but Ace knew he had to keep getting stronger.

At first Ace didn't hear the small knocks at his door, but once they turned into loud thuds, he put down his weights and opened the door.

"What," he said annoyed, not realizing it was you until he fully opened the door. When he saw it was you he mumbled a quick apology and let you in. You were carrying a tray of food with a small smile on your face.

"Hey," you started, "I brought you lunch...you missed it...again.."

"Oh...thanks, you can just leave it on my desk," Ace said as he turned back to his weights.

You set the food down and turned to him. Ace had shut himself off from the rest of the crew after the war, and only focused on getting stronger. Ace was your commander, so of course you supported him, but he also was your boyfriend, and you knew this wasn't good for him.

"How about you take a break for lunch? We could go outside on the deck and have a little picnic?" You suggested, hoping he'd take the offer.

"No thanks," he said, still focused on his weights. You were getting a little annoyed at this point. You'd been bringing him his meals for almost 2 weeks straight, which you didn't mind, but with this attitude he was giving you, it almost felt like you were his maid.

"Ace I really think you should take a break. Its been awhile since you've been on deck and everyone misses you and-"

"I said no thanks," this time his voice getting sterner. You thought about giving up and leaving him alone, but you were too determined to stop.

"Come on Ace it'll be fun we can-"

"JUST SHUT UP!"

You stood there with a shocked look on your face. You and Ace rarely ever fought and he had never once raised his voice at you. You were at a loss of words, not sure what to say.

"Look Y/N...." he started, "I didn't mean to yell..."

"No Ace, you need to stop this. I understand you want to get stronger, but you need to rest."

"I'll be fine."

"But you won't be, please everyone is worried, just let us help you..."

"I don't need your help."

After hearing those five words, you had enough. You left his room and slammed the door without saying anything. The next few days when dropping off his food you knocked quickly and left the tray outside. Soon you stopped dropping off his food all together, and left it to the rest of the crew to handle. Slowly you both drifted more and more apart, till you stopped seeing each other completely. You still cared for Ace....but until he apologize you refused to speak to him.

[calliecat93]

The Enemy Within is a really good episode when it comes to Kirk and the Triumvirate's dynamic.

In it, we have Kirk split in half. The good half, which has all of Kirk's positive traits but is also indecisive, uncertain, and even a little meek in comparison to normal. The bad Kirk is... well, an unpleasant maniac. Aggressive, impulsive, lack of empathy, all traits that most of us fear. And yet without it, without these negative aspects, Kirk isn't Kirk. A Kirk without any of his bad traits is just as incomplete as a Kirk without the good ones. He needs that decisiveness and aggression to push himself as a captain. To act. To command. We saw it in The Corbomite Manuver and this only helps reinforce it.

On the one hand, Kirk's struggling to function. On the other hand, he's still the captain. He can't allow himself to slip. He can't allow himself to show any weakness. Spock outright reinforces that to him, which in this case imo was the absolute worst move but it's absolutely in character for Spock and for this analysis as we'll see in a moment. Kirk is unwilling to relinquish command, so he tries to force himself to continue. But as time goes, his will continues to falter.

Things really get interesting, however, once they've finally captured the bad Kirk. If you go by production order, this is probably the first time we've had Kirk, Spock, and McCoy in a scene that lasts longer than a few seconds. On the one hand, we have Spock. He delves into how Kirk, without the bad half, is losing his ability to command. He's utterly blunt about it too, which isn't a surprise since this is Spock. The same guy who outright told Kirk not to divulge to the crew the exact details of the situation because it would damage Kirk's captain image and thus provoke a loss of faith by the crew. McCoy practically acts like he's offended on Kirk's behalf. The fact that to him, it sounds like Spock would dare even question Jim and his command ability speaks a LOT. Of course it's Spock's job and Kirk outright told him to do so if he saw him slipping, but McCoy doesn't know that nor would he really care in this instance. He tries to tell Jim that he can still command like he is, but it's clear that they all know that that's not true.

So we have Spock pointing out the facts as they are and telling Kirk that he won't be able to captain soon, his logic utterly sound. Then we have McCoy getitng mad and denying it at first but ultimately admitting to Jim that Spock was right while also assuring him that having these negative traits is not bad. Kirk has his mind telling him one thing, but can't get over his feelings about it after what he's seen. He can't ignore the reality as much as he wants to. He has to accept that as repulsed as he is by seeing his raw darkness, he needs it. He has to accept it to be whole. To be Captain James T. Kirk. Otherwise, he is only half of what he is, and he can't live like that.

But what happens when you have the mind and the heart talking, but the soul is unable to balance it?

After we find out that the merging may kill Kirk from the shock, we have Spock and McCoy arguing again over what to do. All while Kirk sits there, listening to both sides and considering every option, but being unable to decide. The screencap above outright has Kirk in the middle, Spock and McCoy to the side like they were his shoulder angel and devil. They couldn't have symbolized it better if they tried.

On the one hand, we have Spock. It's clear to him that it was shock that killed the unicorn dog, unable to comprehend what all had happened to it when split and forcibly merged back. But Kirk IS able to comprehend it and thus will be able to avoid the same fate. Spock himself struggles with his two sides regularly and is able to manage it... well, he thinks he can anyways, but that's not the point. From his experience, he believes that Kirk can survive and regardless, the landing party will die unless they take the risk of merging Kirk and thus confirming that the transporters are safe once more. As is the duty of the captain.

On the other hand, we have McCoy. With no autopsy completed, he can't be for sure what caused the death and as a doctor he's not going to make a conclusion without it. He's utterly against using the teleporters until the autopsy is complete, at least. He's unwilling to risk Kirk's life without the proof. Plus, if they do it and Kirk dies, then they won't be able to beam up the landing party, and thus they'd die from the cold anyway. He needs absolute certainty before he's willing to allow anything. He's a doctor, so of course he's not going to recklessley allow anyone to risk themselves unless it's himself but shush, but he's especially not risking Jim.

That leaves us with Kirk. He can listen to the two sides. He can weigh the options of the two sides. If he doesn't go through the transporter, his stays split and his men die. But if he does, he has no way of being certain that he'll live. But the key to the Triumvirate is that Spock has his side, McCoy has his side, and Kirk either concedes to one or finds a third option. But he can't. Not at this moment. He has no ability to decide. That essential element is gone. He's still unwilling to relinquish command, and thus neither Spock nor McCoy can make the decision. It has to be Kirk.

Ultimately, the good Kirk chooses to go through the transporter, his men's lives coming before his own. The bad Kirk refuses, trying to abandon his men to save himself. The good Kirk isn't afraid of the risk while the bad Kirk fears for his life. The logical half and the emotional half at odds. In the end, the good Kirk convinces his terrified dark side that it has to be done. Thus, they are brought back together and become whole once more. James T Kirk becomes whole once more.

I have no idea where I'm going with this, and I'm probably reading into this WAAAAY too hard. But in short, just as Kirk needs his two own halves to function, Kirk needs Spock and McCoy as well. He needs Spock to be able to rationalize him and keep him and his head in check. He needs McCoy to be able to process his emotions and to embrace what he otherwise would be unwilling to. He needs both to be able to find that middle ground and make the decision, whether it be right or wrong but a decision nonetheless. Without him as a balance, the two halves are separate. Nothing to balance them out and at war with each other, unable to reconcile. Unable to be function. Unable to be whole.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hi! I haven't read the iwtv books so could you explain what you mean by Lestat keeping Louis and Claudia as mortal as possible? And it's something that Marius advised? I wouldn't mind any spoilers!

Have a nice day!

Hey!

So to expand on that a bit:

After Lestat was turned against his will and after he encountered the Children of Darkness and Armand he tries to find Marius, Armand's maker (and a true ancient, them calling Armand ancient is very funny to me tbh^^) to find some (more) answers.

Ultimately he does manage to rouse Marius' interest, and Marius raises him from a dirt nap and takes him to the island where he lives and cares for "Those Who Must Be Kept". (We know that also happened in the show in some kind of manner, because Lestat refers to TWMBK in ep7.)

Marius tells Lestat his life story, introduces him to Akasha and Enkil.

And he gives him advice (from "The Vampire Lestat"):

"If you mean to survive, you must live out one complete lifetime as soon as you can. To forestall it may be to lose everything, to despair and to go into the earth again, never to rise. Or worse. . . " [...] "Then do as I advise. And understand this also. In a real way, eternity is merely the living of one human lifetime after another. Of course, there may be long periods of retreat; times of slumber or of merely watching. But again and again we plunge into the stream, and we swim as long as we can, until time or tragedy brings us down as they will do mortals. " [...] "Exactly, make them in love. And make certain they have had some lifetime before you make them; and never never make one as young as Armand. That is the worst crime I have ever committed against my own kind, the taking of the young boy child Armand. "

But he also gives him a warning:

"You know why not. I can't have you or anyone else know the location of Those Who Must Be Kept. And that brings us now to something very important: the promises I must have from you. " "Anything, " I said. "But what could you possibly want that I could give? " "Simply this. You must never tell others the things that I have told you. Never tell of Those Who Must Be Kept. Never tell the legends of the old gods. Never tell others that you have seen me. " I nodded gravely. I had expected this, but I knew without even thinking that this might prove very hard indeed. "If you tell even one part, " he said, "another will follow, and with every telling of the secret of Those Who Must Be Kept you increase the danger of their discovery. " "Yes, " I said. "But the legends, our origins . . . What about those children that I make? Can't I tell them- " "No. As I told you, tell part and you will end up telling all. Besides, if these fledglings are children of the Christian god, if they are poisoned as Nicolas was with the Christian notion of Original Sin and guilt, they will only be maddened and disappointed by these old tales. It will all be a horror to them that they cannot accept. Accidents, pagan gods they don't believe in, customs they cannot understand. One has to be ready for this knowledge, meager as it may be. Rather listen hard to their questions and tell them what you must to make them contented. And if you find you cannot lie to them, don't tell them anything at all. Try to make them strong as godless men today are strong. But mark my words, the old legends never. Those are mine and mine alone to tell. " "What will you do to me if I tell them? " I asked. This startled him. He lost his composure for almost a full second, and then he laughed. "You are the damnedest creature, Lestat, " he murmured. "The point is I can do anything I like to you if you tell. Surely you know that. I could crush you underfoot the way Akasha crushed the Elder. I could set you ablaze with the power of my mind. But I don't want to utter such threats. I want you to come back to me. But I will not have these secrets known. I will not have a band of immortals descend upon me again as they did in Venice. I will not be known to our kind. You must never-deliberately or accidentally-send anyone searching for Those Who Must Be Kept or for Marius. You will never utter my name to others. " "I understand, " I said.

Lestat goes to NOLA after and tries to follow Marius' advice - and heed the warning.

That is the why.

The how...

Lestat never shows them the full extent of his powers. He lives with them in a house, as a family, not as a coven. He tries not to be the "coven master" for long stretches of time (going so far as to leave his home for example). He hides the more monstrous aspects of their existence, as well as the cruel implementations/rituals other covens have. Since Louis is very much also "poisoned by the notion of the Christian God" he does not tell them much either, probably half for fear of Marius and half for the gut feeling that the knowledge he has would actually not help much.

That is what I mean that he keeps them as mortal as possible.

They live with mortals, in their midst, masquerading as mortals, having hobbies, and interests, going to theaters, cinema etc. He makes his fledglings from and through love, and tries to live a "life" with them.

As good as he possibly can.

(The downside is, of course, that Louis and Claudia unfortunately have no concept of what awaits them with the other vampires. Which is exactly why Lestat did not want them to go to... Paris.)

[mewtwo24]

MAWS - An Allegory for Autism, too?

God like…there have been so many amazing posts about maws right now, and I don’t want to detract from any of them because I absolutely agree with how powerful an allegory the show is in regards to being an immigrant/alien.

But at the same time I just. I have been literally losing my mind at how autistic Clark feels. And at this point I can’t tell if I’m seeing things that aren’t there or he really is just so god damn ‘tism it makes his experiences of being othered two- and triplefold.

Like. Okay. He keeps acting on what he thinks is just or morally right in the moment, but sometimes struggles to see the social signals (or bigger picture) that might indicate somebody is deceiving him. If he does realize he’s being deceived, he does the right thing anyway even if it’s to his detriment--because he can’t accept looking away from a problem he might have resolved. Helping someone, no matter how difficult or unreasonable.

Okay.

When he’s trying to protect himself from Lois. He tells the truth in the most evasive way humanly possible, and because he thinks she’ll find him dashing from saving people he comes off as dissembling. He is convinced that he has charmed her to no end with his alter ego since he’s Such A Super Cool Strong Normal Guy as Superman, and that she couldn’t possibly be suspicious any longer because he told the truth. Lois wants to throttle him for lying. He has no idea as to why that is--and is openly surprised that she’s upset.

This is not even touching the fact that he lived for YEARS with Jimmy and literally destroyed stuff in front of him by accident, and never once thought Jimmy knew some shit was going on with him. Jimmy, being subtle and considerate, didn’t snitch because he was a homie. Clark does not notice in the slightest. ‘IT COULD HAVE BEEN THE SCREWS’ ASS.

This also not touching on the “How did you know you were bulletproof?” “I didn’t. I just knew you weren’t.” Despite pervasive signs that his powers weren’t operating as they should in that area. Despite knowing Lois was still upset with him and may not forgive him, could hurt him with what she knew.

Okay.

I'm going to put the rest under a cut because I never go on short tangents:

In a lot of New Age illegitimate medicine and psychological constructs, autistics are often conceptualized as people with ‘special powers’ or religious enlightenment in accordance with some manifestations of their disability. Clark’s superspeed and strength and heat vision can EASILY be seen as an extension of that. However, what I really want to talk about is the latest episode’s super hearing. 

Most autistics have sensory issues, both with textures but also with hearing. A very common surprise for undiagnosed individuals, for example, is that they use music and headphones to stim in a more socially acceptable way. Particularly loud noises or constant loud chatter can cause distress otherwise, and having constant meltdowns/catatonia reactions isn’t feasible for survival. 

Of all his powers that might be a weakness I think it is a fascinating--and honestly, deliberate--choice that speaks volumes (please pardon the pun). Because that’s the horrible thing about having sensory overload with your hearing; you don’t always have a choice as to what you’re subjected to. Ear-piercing alarms can flare at any moment, people can play what they consider harmless pranks, or day to day fighting to focus can make every sound feel like nails on a chalkboard from the overstimulation. 

While Clark is able to distinguish voices if he knows what to look for, lack of sleep and rest tremendously weaken his ability to focus. I noticed that as the episode wore on, there was a distinct and exponential progression. At first, when he overdid it and didn’t sleep for a day or so, he still managed to operate without hurting himself or risking others. But as he kept pushing himself without rest to answer every cry for help, he grew progressively and sharply overwhelmed. He quickly became overstimulated by the mounting flurry of oncoming stimuli (e.g. the truck about to hit someone, dodging people around him, the relentless super hearing flooding in) and began to react in ways that were careless and random. 

Though his powers appear supernatural and inexhaustible, we are forced to face the fact that he still possesses hard limits. Even if autistics seem more capable than NTs at points, there is a reason “high-functioning” became an obsolete terminology with which to differentiate people on the spectrum ‘who seemed to be above average’. Because just as we see Clark forcing himself to exert his superpowers until his body collapses to prove he is good, autistics also push themselves to be useful/helpful/amenable/inobtrusive in order to be accepted as something not other/monstrous.

(Please note, by the way, towards the end of the newest episode--his power comes out in a flash of blue, overpowering light as the last of his strength begins to wane. A surefire sign that he was truly at the end of his endurance before he’s knocked unconscious.)

The fact that Clark starts to learn how to listen in for people so fast, but also doesn’t think to tune them out (if he can) adds even more to the first point too. Because he can’t turn it off in full, it means he has no way to ignore people who are hurting no matter how small--and for him that places the cognitive burden of making a choice. And he can’t choose not to help people.

Okay.

Clark’s incipient refusal to discover more about himself, the sheer overwhelmed look he had as a child--but also as an adult--at the prospect of having to rewrite and re-evaluate everything he thought he knew about himself. There is no excitement, no positive anticipation. When he chooses to face it, it’s because he perceives a kind of responsibility to better understand/control his powers to help more people. And it’s because his friends support him that he ever finds the will to do it. He has no desire to acknowledge or define his otherness head-on. (Once again, he can only act with courage on behalf of others and/or to ultimately win their acceptance.) 

GOD. AND. AND how he tells Lois how much she made him “come out of his shell” and forced him to face the world, to stop living in his formerly simple bubble. How autistics instinctively hate breaks in routine and the unknown and the horrible ordeal of change, especially if they have trauma linked to it. But he was trying because yeah, as people we need new and varying stimuli to be happy and healthy. To be alive is to change, whether one likes it or not. 

How part of the reason Lois is so dear to him is because she makes him feel capable and safe when he has to face the truth of his difference and change. (THIS IN THE CONTEXT OF THE LATEST EPISODE. “CLARK, JUST TRY TO BE NORMAL”. I’M EATING MY SHIRT. THE ENDLESS OSCILLATION BETWEEN HIS DESPERATION TO BE NORMAL BUT ALSO STRIVE FOR MORE, AND HOW LOIS ANSWERS BOTH THOSE WARRING CALLS WITHIN HIM JUST BY BEING HERSELF.)

SCREAMS.

Okay.

The most recent episode being a direct result of Lois and Jimmy’s acceptance of his alter ego Superman. Because of course Superman is the preferred variation of himself. Everyone loves Superman. Everyone finds him cool and heroic and dazzling. Jimmy gets social media acclaim that he enjoys from it. Lois has a Cool Guy Boyfriend, and she told him outright she thinks he’s amazing in the last episode when he complained about being weird.

Why go back to being Clark? Under the unending burden of his new super hearing, he seems to be so drowned in voices that he forgets a very important one: Lois. She loved him as Clark long before Superman existed, the lumbering gentle giant who always treated people with dignity and respect was more than enough for her to fall in love. And that’s why it’s so poignant, but also so unbelievably devastating when she asks him to be normal in the newest episode.

Because what she was trying to say was “Please stop overexerting yourself, you’re hurting yourself. This is only going to end badly if you don’t rest and think about how you want to move forward. You’re enough as you are. You’re enough as Clark Kent.” She was trying to tell him that Superman isn’t all that matters, that Superman is a person with feelings and needs and vulnerabilities, just like anyone else. 

What makes this miscommunication so powerful to me is that it’s clear Clark’s ability to differentiate has become confused ever since Lois and Jimmy accepted him. How much of him is Clark, how much of him is Superman? Before, when he had decided Superman was too much for him to handle and something that needed to stay hidden, he knew how to behave day to day. But now that the aforementioned operating precept has been dismantled by their acceptance, what is his blueprint now? To be freed of his chains, but to be too afraid to leave the cage--he becomes so openly and rapidly lost. It was easier when he didn’t have to choose or think about it.

Okay.

Like. I can see how it could be construed as a result of his inexperience, right? He’s never met intergalactic beings, so how would he know? He only just unlocked his powers as Superman, so of course he’s clumsy about it. He wasn’t a born fighter or a trained one, so of course he’s going to be a little green when he’s in combat.

But that’s the thing for me. It’s not that he doesn’t always have the time to re-evaluate, or strategize, or notice he’s being deceived. He just has such an unwavering sensibility, this one-track sense of “I am strong. So I must protect. And to do that I need to act.” And a lot of times this is as far as his thinking goes. And if that isn’t the most autistic shit imaginable, I’m really not sure what is. 

The overshot clumsiness of his movements and occasional awkwardness, how he’s learned to smooth that over by being helpful to people or meek to be accepted. Like. I swear to god this show is going to kill me. 

So much of the reason he tanked so badly in this episode was because he was using a broken coping mechanism to its absolute extreme. And instead of listening to his bodily and mental signals that he could no longer sustain helping every single person in the world, he just forces himself to push through. He’s so desperate to prove he’s a good person and belong, he doesn’t notice that it’s literally destroying him from the inside. 

The mask that is Superman, and the unmasking that is the mindful and imperfect Clark Kent. That everyone adores Superman and wants him to fulfill their every need, no matter what it costs him to be that person. The fact that the moment they learn he’s an alien or see the raw extent of his power (pushed to unsustainable limits in desperation) he becomes a horrible, inhuman threat and a monster. The fact that it’s his friends and his family who see him unmasked as Clark and love him just as he is, that they care little for what Superman can give them because Clark is already enough. That they love Clark precisely BECAUSE he is somebody with weaknesses and flaws and imperfections, that adore his quirks and endearing fumbling.

The horrific reality that the more he leans into his masking out of desperation to be accepted, the more he estranges and incites violent rejection in the people around him. Even if he wants to do the right thing, he is so staunchly and too openly opposed to the malice of others that they hold grudges from the stark, exposing contrast. How choosing to be Superman can endanger and estrange the people who love Clark, isolating him even further. And yet when he is unmasked and acts like himself, he is hardly ever taken seriously or people take advantage of his meekness/willingness to help. 

The first episode. When he just keeps chanting ‘be normal be normal be normal’ and the more pressure he puts on himself, the more he hyperfixates and the less his actions align with his intentions. The way he can never do both and can only manage to sustain one at a time. The core conflict that’s ever present; the desire to be ordinary under the reality that you are extraordinary, with the agonizing knowledge that you never had the choice to live under so much difference and scrutiny.

The never-ending autistic battle of being socially acceptable to the detriment of your greatest virtues: your passion and your honesty. To be left feeling empty and drained despite your success, no closer to self-satisfaction or feelings of human camaraderie. The reality of being always forced to choose between one bad option and a worse one, that the only choice you have is what you’re willing to sacrifice. That people will toy with your vulnerabilities no matter how desperately you try to conceal them, how your weaknesses will be a game or a spectacle to the rest of the world.

How one has to wonder to what degree the Superman witnessed in Lois’ memory capsule was pushed to the very brink. Or the pointed lack of context: what brought him to such extremes, what could inspire so much indifference to the pain of others? How, while it is frightening, he is a person just like anyone else--who possesses the potential for raw good and raw bad. Why is it that everyone so easily believes that his potential will be negative? Why is it so difficult to have faith in someone who is trying so hard to be good?

The irony of Clark’s predicament, that the sincere fulfillment he feels upon helping others is precisely what inspires fear in those who insist on their comparative self-serving normality.

“What’s your angle!? What’s in it for you?” “Trust me, kids. Nobody puts on that big a show of being good. Unless they’re hiding something…All he wants is to pull cats out of trees? Yeah, I’m not buying it.” “He’s not normal like you and me….If he really wanted to hurt us, what could we do about it?...Just him having a bad day could spell the end for us…Well, not all of us share your faith.” “You want to be number one? You don’t get there by writing fluff. You go for blood. That’s something Perry never understood. Do you?”

The unbearable but inevitable fact that being autistic is a perpetual experience of loss. If you are not selfish or egocentric like the rest of the world, you are naive and weak. If you exhibit an ounce of self-centered desire or emotion, you are something that must be eradicated for the greater good. No amount of good that you accomplish can ever balance the scales of what has been lost or spent to sustain you, because at the end of the day your life is considered one without value. It is irrelevant that entire military regimes have collectively decimated and endangered thousands for their so-called “results”, because you as a sole actor are so much easier to blame and trample. 

The enduring fact, especially in a culture so absorbed in easy answers and harsh binaries, that the human mind does not care for the struggle of truth. 

Anyway if you need me I’ll be clawing at the walls thanks