#if gender isn’t real we can just do whatever with fantasy races man

[petirrojito]

If we are gonna say senshi is feminine by dwarf standards it rly needs to be different from our own gender roles. He can cook and is caring is old news. I need shit like he wears sandles and has a long beard instead of a short one. He doesn’t look after his axe. He’s fat as hell. The fairy

[max--phillips]

This is the post I was planning on making.

Everything I say here can be applied to any celebrity (or… any person, really), regardless of gender or race or whatever. This isn’t just about Pedro Pascal (though I will likely use him as an example a handful of times since he’s the only celebrity I actually give a shit about right now). This is about a pervasive problem in fandom as a whole, in my experience. This is about consent, this is about sexualization, fetishization, and commodification, this is about privacy, this is about boundaries, this is about the separation of real life and fiction.

It is not okay to speculate about a stranger’s genitals, even if they’re in the public eye. That’s gross, that’s weird, that’s a violation of consent, that’s sexual harassment. Unless this person consensually shared an image of their junk (be it on social media or in a movie or whatever), it’s not your business. If you can see their dick through their pants, you should automatically assume that wasn’t intentional unless you are explicitly told otherwise by that person, and ignore it. It can be embarrassing for someone to find out they were that exposed, and for people to make a big deal of it? That can be harmful. Same goes for if you can see someone’s nipples through their shirt or something.

It is not okay to dig through pictures of someone to find instances where you can see their dick through their pants/up their skirt/their nipples through their shirt/etc, or nip slips or similar things. It’s a violation of consent and it’s sexual harassment. If they wanted you to see that kind of thing, they would share images of themselves consensually. End of.

It is not okay to fetishize someone based on their race, nationality, or ethnicity. Any time you make a statement bringing those things into the equation and using it to assume something about a person, you’re enforcing racist stereotypes. Assuming that a black man is well endowed simply based on the fact that he’s black is fetishizing him for his race, and is also sexual harassment. Giving a stranger’s genitals a nickname based on their nationality is fetishizing them for that nationality, and is also sexual harassment. Assuming that any woman of color is hypersexual is fetishizing her for her race, nationality, and/or ethnicity, and could be considered sexual harassment based on how you use that information.

It is not okay to sexualize someone without their consent. This sort of thing includes catcalling, making unwanted comments, sending unsolicited dick pics, making unwanted advances, writing real person fic/erotica about a real person, making explicit sexual comments about a person without their knowledge or consent on a public platform, and some of the things above that are considered fetishizing someone for their race/ethnicity/nationality.

On that note: it is perfectly fine and acceptable and normal to find someone you don’t know attractive and have fantasies about them. We all do. But, you should keep explicit fantasies and sexual comments to yourself or in private conversations. Otherwise, you’re sexualizing them without their consent.

It is not okay to assume you can sexualize someone based on the fact they are in the public eye. Celebrities are human beings, they are not products for us to consume. We have to respect them, respect their boundaries, their privacy, and take their consent or lack thereof very seriously.

It is not okay to dig through someone’s pictures to look for clues about their personal life they haven’t otherwise disclosed. If they wanted you to know something, they would tell you. It’s none of your business. This includes their dating life, where they live, who they live with, their sexuality, and a litany of other things. To dig for this information is a violation of privacy, and could ultimately become a stalking situation if it goes too far. This is also crossing boundaries this person may have set up for what information they want others to know. Maybe it could out this person to someone they didn’t want to come out to, maybe this could open up an opportunity for an abuser or stalker to locate them, maybe this could get someone in trouble unjustly with the law, and so on and so forth.

It is important to realize that there is a massive difference between writing fanfiction about characters and fanfiction about a real life person. You don’t know everything about the person you’re writing rpf about, you’re making a lot of assumptions, you could be sexualizing them without their consent, and you’re likely crossing a lot of boundaries in writing that. However, characters are fictional; they don’t have boundaries, they don’t have feelings, you may not know everything about them but you can make it up without fearing you’ll offend someone. You can still fetishize them and be racist, but that’s another can of worms I don’t have time to open right now, but would be glad to if you have questions about it some other time. Fictional characters were made to be put into fictional, made up scenarios. Take advantage of that.

And no, writing sexual content about fictional characters played by the same person is not the same thing as sexualizing the actor. Just as writing sexual content about the characters in a book is not the same thing as sexualizing the author. There’s a disconnect, and an important one.

So, in conclusion: Don’t be racist. Don’t invade people’s privacy. Don’t sexualize people without their consent. That’s all I ask. That’s it.

[caecilius-est-pater]

Really now, anti's? Did the meaning change or something because I'm very sure anti means anti-pedo shipping, anti-incest shipping.

To quote that one meme: well yes, but actually no. Antis are to “let’s stop pedophilia in fandom!” as TERFs are to “let’s support women’s rights!” - sounds good in theory, but in practice ineffectual and mostly just an excuse to bully people. I’m going to choose to be optimistic and take this as a good faith question from someone who genuinely doesn’t know, so I’m going to explain why.

The ideology sounds great at the surface level, like hell yeah, let’s get rid of pedo shit! Who wouldn’t agree with that? But once you go past the absolute shallowest surface level and say, OK, now what steps do we take to accomplish that? then you start to hit snags. Legally, the only stuff that’s banned is images/videos/etc of real life children being abused. Things like ship art or explicit fics of underage fictional characters are perfectly fine. Therefore, legally, anyone making that content is not breaking any rules.

If you say, well, I don’t agree with that, I want more things to be banned, then you have to come up with new rules of what should and shouldn’t be allowed. Who gets to decide that? Is there a committee? How are committee members chosen? How do you account for biases in the committee, such as race or age or gender? Once the committee has come to a decision about the new rules, how do you enforce them? What do you do about people or groups who refuse to follow the new rules? How do you spread the news to all of fandom that there are new rules in the first place?

And what about the rules themselves? How do you define “pedo content” beyond the legal definition of featuring real children? Maybe you say, that’s easy, let’s just go with all sexual content featuring people under 18. OK, cool, you’ve now made it illegal for minors to talk about their own experiences. Minors have sex, minors fantasize about sex, minors masturbate, minors experience rape and abuse, and now you’ve just put a gag order on all those millions of people. I don’t know about you, but I think letting people draw/write fictional characters having sex (even gross, weird sex) is the lesser of two evils compared to hurting millions of real, living children.

And anyway, how do you define “sexual content” in the first place? Is it OK if there’s no graphic detail? Is masturbation OK? What about sexual fantasies? How about making out? At which base do you draw the line between “acceptable expression of sexuality” and “pedophilia”? Or is any expression of sexuality not OK? Kissing? Holding hands?

At this point you’re probably saying, gee tumblr user caecilius-est-pater, that sounds both untenable (how are we going to get all of the internet to agree to unite under One Committee To Determine the Rules?) and like an insane unending rabbit hole! Nobody could ever do that! Yep. For better or for worse, we as a bunch of randos on the internet just do not have the power to change the broad planet-wide rules of what does and does not count as pedophilia.

You can probably see how this is a problem for the anti movement, which is all about enforcing those new, stricter rules. The ones that don’t exist and realistically can’t exist. How do you enforce nonexistent rules? The answer antis have landed on is to just make them up, every man for themselves. As you can probably imagine, this... doesn’t work too well, to put it lightly.

Some people think it’s OK to write about CSA as long as the author actually experienced it, other people think it’s never OK and even real life CSA survivors are pedophiles if they write about it. Some people think aging up teenage characters is OK, other people think if they’re underage in canon then depicting them in sexual situations at any age counts as pedophilia. Some people think sexual depictions of characters who look young (art styles with big eyes, short characters, characters with high voices, etc) is pedophilia, even if the characters are canonically adults. Etc ad infinitum.

Which brings us to the two things I said antis are: ineffectual and and a front for bullying. It should be obvious how the movement is ineffectual - you’re never going to get anywhere with removing bad people from your community if nobody can agree what a bad person actually is.

The bullying comes in because it’s very hard to get people to bully someone, but very easy to get people to join a witch hunt. “Let’s all harass and doxx this person because they’re a jerk” isn’t gonna get me very far, but “Let’s all harass and doxx this person because they’re a pedophile” is going to bring out a mob with torches and pitchforks if I can convince everyone I’m telling the truth. And by the antis’ mutable definition of pedophilia that can include anything from teenagers kissing to consenting adults who knew each other as kids, I’ve got a lot of tools in my arsenal to convince people.

And the insidious part is that nobody can defend you without immediately opening themselves up to the same accusations, because if you're being called out as a pedophile for supporting a ship with a height difference, anyone who says, “hey, I don’t think that’s pedophilia” is now also supporting ships with a height difference, ergo supporting pedophilia. (And if anyone is thinking “you’re making all these strawman examples up, nobody actually believes that”, I envy your blissful ignorance but let me assure you, I am not.)

And that kind of situation leads to an atmosphere where everyone is terrified of doing anything wrong or they’ll be the next one viciously attacked, and the only way to keep good social standing is by continously attacking other people whether you agree with the extreme ideology or not, and that’s how you get bullying, harassment campaigns, and anti groups that have become genuine, legitimate cults. I’ve lost the links but there are some truly chilling twitter threads about that if you’re interested.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, whether it was a case of the proverbial road to hell being paved with good intentions or whether the movement was co-opted by people who didn’t actually care about stopping pedophilia and really just wanted an excuse to cyberbully people, the movement has evolved to a point where it’s mainly a harassment campaign with only the thinnest veneer of actually trying to prevent pedophilia. Nobody is out here running charity drives to donate to help abused children or making their own safe spaces where people can view art and fic without worrying about encountering triggering content - in fact, antis have been offered multiple sites to use as replacements for AO3 where they can set whatever TOS they want and have always refused. The only thing most antis do to combat pedophilia in fandom is callouts and harassment.

Not to mention the irony in the fact that so many of the people targeted are, in fact, minors. In their quest to avoid people potentially getting hurt by fictional content, they’re doing real, tangible hurt to actual, living people, including kids.

So that’s how we got here. Being anti-pedo and being an anti are not the same thing, and if you see a reference to the latter, it means a member of a specific pro-censorship movement focused on hurting (mainly young, marginalized) people as “activism”.

[sleepingcrisis]

I don't think people who agree that Adam is an abuser based on the fics you all write get to complain about antis. Never mind how you make Cherry into a triggering character now, because people can't have anything. Must always be reminded in series with imperfect male characters that all men would hurt and abuse us because we can't ever have this one thing. Men in fandom get to have their fantasies of cute girls but everything in anime with male characters must always involve them abusing.

Adam isn't an abuser. Being so firm on this stance that he is an abuser diminishes the meaning of the word. What he does in the show (despite S being a race where anything goes and everyone being aware of this) would be considered assault. 

But do you know who has also assaulted others? Joe and Shadow :) 

Do you know why it doesn't matter? Because it isn't real. But also- everyone consented to this. Think of underground fight clubs, people are consenting to getting the shit beat out of them. In sk8 everyone consented to the beefs they took part in and knew what would happen as a result. 

Anyway, that was a quick lesson on not misusing words because it is harmful to those who are victims of abuse and I even gave you the correct word to use! I'm so helpful😌 

I assume what you mean by "I don't think people who agree that Adam is an abuser based on the fics you all write get to complain about antis" is that... actually I don't understand what you mean by this at all. If you are gonna send me your shitty opinion that I didn't want at least give it a couple read throughs before sending it off, thanks! Remember kids: punctuation matters!

Anyway I asked a mutual and after some careful decoding we have come to the conclusion that you believe I write Adam as an abuser and that others do the same. What are you reading? Because it isnt my work. The first multipart fic for this fandom that I wrote might have depicted Adam in a that light, but I was releasing that as the show aired and I don't remember the majority of that fic (I have also grown as a person who participates in fandom and wouldn't write him the way I used to).

Other than that? I wrote him in age swap simping for Kaoru and Langa and I wrote him in confidence sk8 simping for everyone. There is an entire thread on my blog about him adopting cats and it is my favourite thing in the world and so on and so forth. 

Also, I can complain about whatever I want. You certainly are and so far most of this reply has been about your grammar and I could go on about how it looks like you typed the word "abuser" and then used the auto fill function on your phone until something that sorta made sense showed up. 

We are literally only through the first sentence. That is as hilarious as it is pathetic. 

Anyway let's move on! Apparently I have made Cherry into a triggering character (I feel like you don't understand what actual triggers are but... sure). I'm not going to lie. I kinda want to lean into this. I, single handedly, made Cherry into a triggering character 😎 how badass is that? Again if you took the time to read literally anything that I have written on ao3 you would see that only one thing has Cherry participating in a triggering topic (which is properly tagged because I would hate for someone who doesn't want to see that, to see it). 

Oh I hear you whining about the Evil!Kaoru au. It is an au where we have pulled traits from the show and applied headcanons and pushed it all to the extreme. I'm glad you are so far removed from reality that you had to be told this though 🥴 

The rest of this ask talks about how you perceived Cherry as this "perfect" male character who could do no wrong and how I broke that. You also direct this ask as if I am a man, and I am glad you know that the pronouns in my bio don't equal my gender, but I actually identify as a woman.

I don't know how to respond to this because it is hilarious that you think Cherry is the "one thing" you get to have for... "perfect" male representation. Everything past "Adam is an abuser" and "you ruined Cherry" is somehow dumber. Dumb to the point where I'm not responding to that. Just know you gave me a good laugh at how stupid this take is.

[sincerelyreidburke]

im sorry did you say undercover secret drag queen thing bc i feel like that's something we should PLEASE DISCUSS

Okay... I’ve held off on this one too long. After all my ominous hinting, let’s introduce the concept of Drag Rhodey. I have two asks about this, including this one, so I’m going to do it in the two parts. I have a feeling this isn’t the only time we’ll talk about this.

Part 2 of this!

(Ask me anything about the crickets!)

I first introduced Drag Rhodey via a few offhanded comments, the first of which I’m pretty sure took place in the Drunk Quinn information post. It’s this concept that I keep forgetting is a thing, but it’s very much a thing. Here’s how it starts.

The first thing I should note is that queer culture, in general, is incredibly important to Rhodey. He’s been aware of his own queerness since he started getting crushes on people, because he never drew distinction by gender, just, oh, if I like you, I guess I like you. There’s never been difficulty for him with accepting himself, because that’s just how he’s wired.

A small note, though, is that he isn’t openly queer at home. That’s just about the only place he isn’t. In his high school, he was, though he was careful to sidestep those who might choose to reveal unwanted information to his family (it was a big high school, because Rhodey grew up in the actual city of Providence, so this was pretty easy). And coming to college just makes that a whole lot easier. Samwell is a welcoming place, and Rhodey fits right in. He goes to GSA meetings (it’s definitely not called ‘GSA’ but you know what I mean) and participates in queer-culture events on campus.

Anyway. All of this matters because I’m trying to make the point that queer culture is very much just a part of his life. So: he has watched Drag Race coming into college.

I wouldn’t say he’s watched all of it, at least not right away, but you know who also watches it who enables the shit out of him? Quinn. The wardrobe stuff makes Quinn go wild.

So the friendship between Rhodey and Quinn is like this really wonderful collision of two people who are super steeped in (albeit different parts of) queer culture, and out of that, Drag Rhodey is born.

It starts like this. Their sophomore year, Rhodey has a TV in his room in the Haus. By this point, the four of them are well acquainted with all just gathering in someone’s room and chilling and watching TV. There are, like, cricket piles, plus Quinn. And they watch whatever. Somewhere along the road, toward the end of freshman year, Rhodey and Quinn get Nando and Touille to watch Drag Race, because neither of them has ever seen it before. It’s a fun experience. Quinn and Rhodey get offended when Nando and Touille say they don’t like someone on the show that they do like.

They depart for the summer and then come back in the fall, and keep watching (maybe they’re watching a new season or something). It’s the middle of October, and Rhodey is scrolling Instagram while also watching the TV, and Quinn is nearby in Nando’s lap (it’s free real estate), and Rhodey just looks up out of nowhere and goes, you know, I could be a kick-ass queen.

Touille laughs his ass off, because he thinks he’s joking. And honestly, Rhodey kind of is, just because that would be a lot of effort and where would he even perform?

And Quinn gets very quiet. And looks at him very intensely for a few seconds.

And then Quinn says, Benjamin, please let me turn you into a drag queen.

Rhodey, meanwhile, has this sudden awakening of a curiosity to try it that he’s never fully allowed himself to consider. He’s always liked watching Drag Race, and he’s not afraid of breaking gender stereotypes. In short, Rhodey is a very queer man of absolutely no shame, so when Quinn says that, like, yeah, Q, fuck it. Let’s do it.

And the crickets go crazy.

This activates Quinn’s deeply hidden desire to be a costumer and makeup artist for something. Costuming shows is great fun and he always enjoys it, but sometimes he wishes he could just go wild, and create outlandish clothing meant to make a splash (it’s why he loves Halloween so much). With Rhodey’s offhanded comment that night in front of the TV, Quinn gets this entire fantasy of becoming a secret undercover drag coach, and he likes what he sees.

First it’s just dressing up, for fun and a photoshoot. Then Quinn finds him a show, where he can perform and make money (and that’s why they start going clubbing). From there, Drag Rhodey is truly born. His drag name is Isla Rhodelia. Buy my silence.

More on Drag Rhodey soon, because there’s much to discuss.

[myktchp]

Top 6 Episodes of One Piece

If there's a series that attempts to test the diminishing return hypothesis, it's One Piece. The monstrous epic of Eiichiro Oda is the highest selling manga of all time, but its ridiculous duration still prohibits many people from checking it out, and that hill will only get steeper as we barrel towards its end (eventually).

The One Piece anime, which is a much greater commitment to time and does not boast the brilliant artwork of Oda as a selling point, is even more of a conundrum. Yet, for the first time, so many fans perceive the story this way and fall in love regardless... Over the course of many long binges, there is something special about cuddling up in front of a screen and getting lost in a world, and the powerful spirit that burns just below the surface, even during the not-so-hot days of the anime, still keeps us building up to a new "best" chapter. Everyone has their favorite shows, the ones they feel emotionally attached to, and we would love to share yours in the forums with you. Here are my own 6 best One Piece episodes, in chronological order (but not superlative):

Episode 19 - The Three-Sword Style's Past! Zoro and Kuina's Vow!

In the modern age, where the manga is so informative and comprehensive, it's hard to believe that there was once a period when the anime really successfully expanded on the plot. The anime version of Zoro's flashback is so amazing that it is the "true" version of the story in my heart, which comes a little later than it did in the manga. What once was a fast and blunt page is turned into a wonderful piece of sound, letting us live for an episode in the Japanese countryside as we hear the story of a young Roronoa Zoro and his original opponent, Kuina.

In its obsession with gender, this episode also ends up being easily the most empathic the show has ever gotten. It portrays Kuina, the prodigal swordsman, dissatisfied with the awareness that the gap in intensity between her and Zoro will increase drastically as they become adults. This is a moment for a young Zoro to take seriously his female rival, and in the present day, Tashigi finally takes up whatever thematic baggage is left behind by her death. This is One Piece's tender side at its finest.

Episode 119 - Secret of Powerful Swordplay! Ability to Cut Steel and the Rhythm Things Have!

This is another fantastic episode of Zoro that places us in the middle of the Straw Hats and Baroque Works' climate war. The adversary of Zoro is Mr. 1, who really isn't a swordsman, but a man who can turn his entire body into a weapon. Not only does Dice-Dice Fruit from Mr. 1 allow for some of the anime's imagination, but this episode manages to offer one of the coolest battles in the entire series. It's bloody, it's raw, and Zoro throws a guy into a building.

Towards the end, the episode is at its best, when everything gets quiet and builds up to the final blow. It sells the show with so much conviction that I believe it's cool. I believe this is one of the series's most driven episodes, and a great example of the show's cinematic narrative eye.

Episode 278 - Say You Want to Live! We Are Your Friends!

If 151 was the episode that made me a fan, the episode that made me a lifetime fan is 278. This episode and the one before it are older examples of "one-hour specials" from the series, which are gradually split into two episodes until released on home video and streaming sites. This episode is jam-packed even as just the second half of a special, as we conclude the tragic backstory of Robin and transition into the present where the Straw Hats make their greatest gesture yet to save their friend from the greedy World Government.

One Piece can become astonishingly sad for being such a vibrant and enjoyable series, to the point that it almost competes with itself to see how unhappy it can get. If the highs were not so gosh darn consistent, these lows would become tiresome, and Straw Hats' assault on the government flag, followed by Robin's major "I want to live!" One of the most cathartic moments you'll ever find in literature is the scene. At this point in the plot, the Straw Hats are still underdogs, so their bold "never give up" attitude in the face of their greatest enemy hits particularly hard. This episode illustrates the chasms that One Piece can jump to be the saddest and happiest tale it can be, from baby Robin surviving the genocide of everyone she's ever loved to adult Robin pleading for another chance at life.

Episode 396 - The Fist Explodes! Destroy the Auction!

In One Piece, Luffy punches a Celestial Dragon so hard that he knocks the color off the screen, still one of the most frequently referenced and applauded moments. If there is one thing that One Piece is unbelievably good at, it's payoffs. It sets the pins up so that in the most bombastic way possible it can knock them down. To this day, the Celestial Dragons are the most heinous villains we've seen in One Piece, and the repercussions of (again) defying the World Government are obvious, but Luffy still has to do his thing with Luffy.

The emphasis that the show places on Luffy's pledge to Hatchan not to intervene, no matter what, is what really captures me about this moment. You get the feeling that Luffy is the kind to keep an earnest promise, but watching a hero get pushed beyond that stage is always fascinating.

Episode 574 - Back to the Present! Hordy Makes a Move!

The general opinion, as far as I can tell, is that Fishman Island is the series' worst arc. With this sentiment, I don't agree. I think it's one of the heaviest, most three-dimensional instances I've ever seen of fantasy-world-racism-as-metaphor-for-real-world-racism. Basically, the mid-arc flashback covering the plights of Fisher Tiger and Queen Otohime is a film-length drama, and it's one of the series' best flashbacks, for which there's fierce competition. It's very underestimated.

Aside from being an exceptionally pretty episode, both halves of it are extremely strong, one at the tail end of the flashback and one coming out of it. Neptune mourning the death of his wife, distraught that the difficulty of race relations implies that he can not convey his frustration, is a great scene, as is the forgiveness of Jimbei by Nami for his connection to the pirates of Arlong. The push and pull between hope, cynicism, remorse, rage, and love is what makes this arc perfect. You just ever feel like you're halfway through everything life's going to bring you through, even at its worst. As for its place in the big picture plot, this episode is a significant step in the relationship of Jimbei with the pirates of the Straw Hat, and it establishes the purpose of the Ryugu Kingdom to join the World Government and attend the Reverie, a heavily built-up political event that is due in the manga any day now.

Episode 616 - A Surprising Outcome! White Chase vs. Vergo!

This is a particular stand-out episode in the series for fighting animation, since it's so much more physical than normal. Even with the powers of Smoker and Vergo flying every way, the effect goes down to their good ole fists. The personal investment between two marines duking it out is already very intense, but it's put over the edge by the great choreography and style, and that alone would put such an episode on my radar.

That said, once Smoker vs. Vergo turns over to Vergo vs. Rule, there is a cherry on top, with the real villain of the arc, Doflamingo, listening in from a distance. The rest of the series gives too much consequence to the law defeating Vergo in such an over-the-top manner.

So those are the episodes I feel are worth revisiting the most! Obviously, I'm expected to have skipped a few or omitted incredibly significant episodes in this top six list, with a series that long. If you enjoyed this top list of mine don’t forget to leave a like and share it with your friends. If you have any suggestions for my next top list just mail it to me at ramos.rf.bsmt@gmail.com and i will feature you for my next article. Stay tuned and stay safe everyone!

[fangirlxwritesx67]

Insignia (batman!Dean x reader)

Tags: 18+, smut, sex, costume sex, cosplay, consent, bulging cock

You had to admit, your favorite part of conventions was always the cosplay. People were so wildly creative in all the ways they brought their favorite characters and stories to life! You especially loved seeing people who explored the limits- cosplaying outside of their gender, race, age or body type; making steampunk versions of costumes; and clever multi-fandom tributes. You yourself didn't cosplay, preferring simple fandom outfits. For example, right now, you were wearing dark wash jeans with a Ravenclaw t-shirt and long blue and grey plaid scarf.

A group of 3 men walking by caught your eye. They were all tall, handsome, and dressed up. The tallest one was cosplaying a floppy-haired 10th Doctor, while the shortest one wore a John Constantine-inspired look. The one in the middle, tho, was Batman. Oh, you loved a good Batman cosplay- and this one was one of the best you had ever seen. Your eyes roamed over the man, taking him all in. The suit had clearly been custom made for him. His broad shoulders and muscled arms were covered but on full display. His utility belt spanned a trim waist. His long legs were just a little bowed, but it took nothing away from his look.

The costume accessories were movie-level quality. Cowl, gloves and insignia were perfect. He curled his hands in his gloves and you couldn't help wondering what his touch would feel like.

The only place the costume didn't fit exactly right was in the crotch- it was too tight. Batman guy was ridiculously well endowed and the suit did nothing to hide it. One of your favorite fantasies rose to your mind- that of sex with Batman. What would sex with this Batman cosplayer be like? From what you could see, it would be incredible. You blushed. It was a little embarrassing to realize you were objectifying a random cosplayer so hard.

Without ever casting a glance in your direction, Batman squared his shoulders and walked away with his friends. You turned to follow him with your eyes. His cape cascaded over his shoulders but you got a peek of his round ass in the tight costume pants. There was a swish to his cape that put a smile on your face.

You saw the guys, including Batman, more than once across the crowded convention halls. It was after lunch before you actually ran into him again. You were looking at a table of paintings in the artist's gallery when a familiar gloved hand crossed your line of sight.

You turned to see Batman standing next to you. Bright green eyes shone from Batman's mask. The classic cowl hid most of his face, covering everything except his mouth. But what a mouth it was! His jaw was all lines and angles, lightly sprinkled with golden brown stubble. His lips were perfectly formed, just a little bit chapped, and ridiculously full. His eyes locked on yours and you shivered. He clenched his jaw, muscles working, and pouted out his lips just a little bit.

"See something you like, Princess?" He growled, green eyes flashing. Your mouth dropped open a little. Not only did this dude look amazing, he also sounded amazing. At your reaction, he grinned. His firm jaw melted into deep dimples.

You licked your lips and swallowed hard.

"I have a question about the insignia on your suit." He tilted his head, encouraging you to go on. "Is it ... hard?"

Batman nodded, a wicked smirk curling his lips. "Oh yeah, its hard. You wanna...touch it?"

You nodded, unable to speak. Batman held out one gloved hand. You took it and he pulled you away from the table, away from the crowded artist's gallery, to a quieter corner of the room. Flicking his cape, he struck a ridiculously exaggerated superhero pose- chest out, chin up, fists clenched by his side.

"Go on, Princess," he growled. "You wanted to touch my ... insignia?"

You carefully traced your fingers over the hard plastic. You could feel the heat rising off him thru the costume and itched to let your hands wander. But you knew how important consent was to cosplayers- just because this man in front of you was dressed as one of your hottest fantasys didn't give you any right... Your gaze strayed down to that unmistakable bulge in the front of the suit. Your dirty thoughts must've showed on your face because suddenly his mouth was next to your ear, murmuring,

"Isn't there anything else you'd like to touch?"

Given his permission, you let your hands spread across his muscled chest, over his broad shoulders and down his strong arms. He flexed, and you giggled. Your hands trailed all the way down to his gloves. He took your hands in his and brought them to his mouth. He kissed your knuckles while looking you straight in the eye.

"I'm Dean," he told you, still in that ridiculously deep voice.

"Hi Dean," you answered, barely above a whisper. You brushed your knuckles against his lips again, just to feel his touch. Then you ran your hand over his face- well, the little bit of his face you could see- as well as his mask. The mask was cool, smooth and inflexible- his face was warm, stubbled and yielding. You ran your thumb over his lips. How could these lips be real?!

"Either stop touching my mouth," he murmured into your fingers, "or kiss me already." You leaned in, he bent down- you kissed. His amazing mouth felt even better than it looked. His lips were plush and yielding, backed by the strength of his jaw.

You kissed him until you couldn't breathe. Or maybe his kisses just took your breath away. You whimpered and leaned into him. Dean wrapped his strong arms around you. Finally he tore his mouth away.

"I have a room upstairs," he whispered in your ear, the cool material of his mask pressed against your cheek.

You didn't say anything, couldn't say anything- just nodded.

He led you to the elevator and then you were finally, blissfully alone. You lept on him as the door closed, hurried in your desire. He grabbed you and pulled you tight as you resumed kissing. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught your reflection in the elevator doors. You were making out with Batman! Well, Dean dressed as Batman- whoever Dean was. You couldn't help laughing a little. When you laughed, he slipped his tongue into your mouth. Hot damn! Was there any part of this man that wasn't ridiculously strong?! His kisses were deep and hard, his tongue fast and greedy.

Your hips rose to meet his and you ground against him. His suit hadn't deceived you- he was big, and rock hard.

When the elevator stopped, he took your hand in his gloved one. He practically dragged you to his room, cape billowing out behind him.

Inside the room, you sank to the bed as he locked the door. With long bowlegged strides, he crossed the room and then dropped to one knee in front of you. This time his superhero pose was sincere. He put one hand on your leg.

"Listen, Princess," he growled. "We can do whatever you want. I'll be whoever you want. I just have one thing to ask." His green eyes shone bright from behind the mask.

"Let me eat you out."

"What?" You yelped. You had never had a man make that his condition for sex before. You had definitely never had a man say it so much like he meant it.

"I love pussy," Dean confessed, "I can tell from your mouth that yours must be amazing. I just want to taste you and please you. Please."

What woman would ever say no? Yo nodded and took his chin in your hand.

"Just- keep the mask on," was your only request.

Dean chuckled, low and sexy.

"Damn right," he answered. "Now help me take off these gloves."

You pulled off his gloves to discover that his hands were amazing. Broad knuckles, long fingers, callused and scarred. You kissed one, returning his gesture from earlier, and discovered that he had freckles on the backs of his hands. He cupped your face and kissed you again.

Then his hands were all over your body, eager and skilled. He helped you out of all of your clothes until you lay back against the pillows, naked.

Leaning forward on his strong forearms, Dean cupped your ass in his big hands. He held you for a moment, stroking your skin. Then he turned his wrists and tilted your hips apart. He lowered his face between your legs and your felt his hot breath on your skin. He kissed you first, and you sighed. He licked you, swirling his tongue, and you moaned. He sucked you hard, those full plush lips working to please you. You made a wild animal sound and bucked into his face.

No wonder Dean liked eating pussy, if this was how he did it. He was absolutely spoiling this for you. No one else would ever be able to do this the way that he did. His firm jaw, his strong tongue, and his ridiculous lips could work magic.

At the same time, you never forgot that he was wearing Batman's mask. The smooth sides of the cowl brushed against your thighs as he moved between them. When he pushed into you, hard, the nosepiece ground against you.

Dean as Batman quickly pushed you past thinking into pure feeling. You were nothing but the space between your legs, wet and needy. Desire gathered there and spread thruout your body under Dean's careful attention.

You probably moaned, you probably screamed- you didn't know. All you knew was your world shrinking to the touch of Dean's mouth on you. And then incredible blazing release as he made you come.

When you could see and breathe and think again, Dean was stretched out next to you. He kissed you, and you tasted yourself on his lips.

You sighed.

"Help me out of this costume," he growled, "damn thing zips up the back. I dont know why Rowena made it that way."

"Okay, but wait," you answered. Heart pounding, you put your hands under his jawline. His hands slid up under yours.

Up until now this had all been a fantasy, and Dean had been Batman. You were about to see who he really was. Minutes ago you had come on his face, but you were still nervous to see it.

Dean wrenched his head and the cowl slid off. He tossed it to the side, and Batman with it. You were left staring into the face of one of the most beautiful men you had ever seen.

You had prepared yourself for disappointment, for cringe, for bland acceptance. What you hadn't prepared yourself for was to be utterly blown away by Dean. You had thought what you could see in the Batman cowl was the most beautiful part of him, but turns out it was only a preview. Dean's face was gorgeous! Without the mask, those green eyes were even more piercing, framed by long lashes and bracketed by little crinkles in the corners. His cheekbones were high, lightly dusted with freckles that faded into the stubble on his strong jaw. And his mouth- well, maybe his mouth was the best part of him. Those obscenely perfect lips, so soft and so strong!

He leaned down and kissed you with that mouth, that ridiculous mouth..

Drunk on pleasure, you could've honestly spent hours just kissing Dean and touching his face. But you remembered your first glimpse of him and the way his costume fit him so tight. You remembered that unmistakable bulge in his pants and suddenly wanted more.

You stood up and helped him pull off the costume, undoing the various complicated buckles and zips along the way. Finally Dean stood in front of you wearing nothing but a pair of very brief black briefs.

"Wow," you breathed, "even bigger than you looked in the costume."

"Wait, what?" cried Dean. "You could see this in the costume?!" He gestured to his unmistakable erection, a hot blush rising under his stubble.

You giggled. "Dean, every woman and most men noticed your cock in that costume."

You reached forward and took him in your hand. He moaned and leapt into your touch. Everyone had noticed him, noticed this- but you had him. In this moment, Dean was all yours. The thought made you feel powerful and incredibly special.

"Wait," he wrenched away from you and began to rummage thru the utility belt of his discarded costume. "Paracord, no. Fishhooks, no. Whiskey- ooh, whiskey! Batarangs, no. Condoms! Yes, condoms." When he turned around, you were waiting for him, your legs spread invitingly.

He laid down and stretched himself on top of you. For one long moment you both waited.

Finally he groaned, low and sexy, "Princess, please."

"Yes, Dean, yes," you answered.

Your consent was all he needed. Dean pushed into you. He was every bit as big as he had looked -bigger, even- and he filled you so well. He rose above you, every muscle in his chest and shoulders and arms tense. His need for you was so obvious, so sexy. You answered it by lifting your hips to him, arcing in close.

Together, you found a rhythm of thrusting and grinding and pressing. You took what he gave and he needed what you had to offer. You tried to wait, to give Dean time. But he was breathing hard and thrusting fast. Your body rode his to a peak of pleasure. You paused there just a moment before you were coming hard under him, wrapping him in your hot embrace.

Apparently that was all Dean had been waiting for, because he closed his eyes and let himself go. Moaning deeply, he came. For a few moments he was all hot tension, and then he collapsed against you.

Eventually Dean opened his magical green eyes and looked at you. You answered with a smile.

"So," he chuckled, and there were those dimples again. "How was sex with Batman?"

You giggled, helplessly. This man!

"Nothing like sex with you, Dean."

....

Thanks to @marril96 for sending @werewolfbarbie to help with the batman stuff. And @idreamofplaid for being awesome

[nomadicism]

I read that one posts. I agree with Sol. I think it's more likely that Dreamworks crunched the numbers, figured it wouldn't be profitable and just canned the project than them cancelling it because of a very small section of the internet. p1

“p2 Mecha is just a dying genre as a whole. Even in Japan, isekai has taken it's place and there are hardly any new mechas outside of Gundam. That's in Japan! In the west, mecha is even more niche of an interest and general audiences don't gravitate towards it. I don't think that any mecha movie wouldn't do well at the box office. I'm even worried about that Gundam movie bombing at the box office.”

Hi Anon, thank you for the Ask!

Yeah, I agree with Sol too—and at risk of repeating what I’ve said in other posts about the movie thing—it’s really hard to convey just how incredibly unlikely a property like Voltron or Robotech will ever be made into a live-action movie. It really is about the numbers, as it always has been. Since the 80s, there’s this whole persistent and stupid element of the cartoon industry that continues to delude itself that promises or interest from Hollywood will ever pan out. There are so many scripts sitting in production limbo, that it’s almost criminal.

No one wants to risk money on a live-action movie based on children’s media IP that won’t bring in rated PG-13 or R dollars from adults, and no one wants to risk repeating the 80s He-Man film. The exceptions are live-action films made from children’s media IP that are fully owned by the company paying to produce the movie. I’ve got more to say about the complexities of royalties, but that’s awfully long-winded when I get into it, and I’d rather be long-winded about giant robots. (◕ᴗ◕✿)

The topic of mecha genre dying out is what really interests me here. It’s a topic that I think about a lot, as the beginnings of the mecha genre had a lot of deep cultural time-and-place stuff behind it, even if the stories were just kids and teen boys hopping into a giant robot to beat up other giant robots and monsters, in what were essentially 30 minute long toy commercials.

Isekai will come-and-go as all genres do. It’s not a new genre, but right now the types of themes driving the isekai stories being made speaks to a lot of interesting things happening in the youth of Japan’s relationship with digital gaming and role-play escapism. It’s fascinating, even though the focus of the genre as it’s done today hasn’t really grabbed me in the same way that isekai of the 80s-90s did.

Mecha isekai exists, and it’s only a matter of time before someone either remakes Vision of Escaflowne, or does a more mecha-focused isekai story similar to Magic Knight Rayearth. I doubt anyone would revisit Aura Battler Dunbine, or Super Dimension Century Orguss, but an otaku can dream.

Before we can say the mecha genre is dying, let’s briefly skim over the genre trends of the past +40 years. Every decade or era of mecha anime has a trend that reflects cultural concerns built into it, in a way that I don’t think any other genre of animation can touch (until now, with Digital/Virtual/Fantasy RPG World Isekai).

Late 60s-70s was: Super Robot smashes monsters and alien robots

Mid-70s – early 80s was: Combining Mecha Sentai Team Super Robot smashes monsters and alien robots

80s was: Real Robot + “how many sci-fi/fantasy settings can we put a robot into?” + the death-throes of Super Robot (e.g. Dairugger XV, Golion, Baldios, Godmars)

Also 80s: What the hell was Super Dimension Fortress Macross about? Cold war tensions of escalating end-the-world arms race meets an alien species whose only culture is fighting. Where songs about love, and the culture of love, are what win the day, not just transforming robots and big guns. Macross is deeper than it lets on.

Fun 80s: GoShogun happened. The first parody-satire mecha anime that still feels more serious than they intended, but is actually hilarious once you get past the dated gender roles humor (which was also kind of intentional satire).

WTF 80s: Space Runaway Ideon broke everyone’s minds.

Still not done with 80s: Gunbuster happened. The first angst-driven parody-satire mecha anime that blew everyone’s minds.

Late 80s-early 90s OVA mecha was a mix of Serious Cyberpunk-influenced Real Robot for older teens and adults + Mecha with Tits & Tentacles for Adults (see also space elf lesbians).

90s was: The Franchises Will Survive With Prettier Pilots, and Super Angst-Bot That Was Way More Influenced By Drugs And Ideon’s Ending Than Anyone Wants To Admit (aka Neon Genesis Evangelion) + “Since Gunbuster was a success, how many parodies of Super Robot and Real Robot can we do?”

Mid 90s isekai gems: Magic Knight Rayearth and Vision of Escaflowne

Late 90s: Brain-Powerd (not a typo) happened and it’s a shame no one remembers it. I’ve seen it’s influence come up in the 2000s – 2010s.

The 00s seem to be filled with a lot of re-treading of everything that came before but with different cross-genre influences and some of it really damn good but hard to remember because it all kind of blends together.

The 2010s-today: I have no idea what’s happening now b/c I can’t keep up with anything that isn’t Gundam. And why bother when there has been a flood of classic 70s-80s mecha releases—many for the first time in the US—to binge watch?

Knights of Sidonia was cool.

Since I haven’t kept up, I can’t speak to what new mecha anime is like, or why it's less popular (though I have an educated guess). It was gonna happen eventually, and I suspect that the kinds of post-nuclear and Cold War existential dread that informed mecha anime of the 60s-80s has moved on as target audiences grew up. Those lates 80s OVAs, where the stories could be more adult, reflect that growing up (and also Blade Runner’s influence).

I see the 90s as very transitional, includes reactions to the prior eras, but also reflects a lot of angst by Japanese teens and young adults caught up in the after-effects of 80s stagnation, and the constant test-studying to get into the best school to get the best job (if it exists) and figure it all out before you’re 14 so you can pick the best school to test into. Also, salary-man dad works 120 hours a week and is never home. Get in the Angst-bot Shinji.

Excluding the stand-out brands that survived their respective eras: Gundam, Macross, Braves series, Mazinger Z, Getter Robo, Evangelion; there’s not much other ground that can be covered right now that would warrant a series. The franchise mecha shows are grounded in their respective niches. It’s kind of odd that there isn’t an isekai mecha franchise, b/c that’s a niche that hasn’t been owned in the way that the other niches have (unless maybe Machine Hero Wataru is still a Thing?)

It’s worth mentioning that Sport Anime has really been having a moment for almost a decade now, and that’s super interesting to compare against isekai. Isekai about dungeon slimes or whatever vs literal horse-girls racing each other like high-school track. Thanks Japan, are y’all all right over there?

A few last things:

The success of Super Robot Wars tells me that mecha genre isn’t dying. Consider the ages of players. How many of them actually grew up watching Yuusha Raideen (aka Yūsha Raideen / Raideen the Brave)? There is an SRW manga anthology series, and loads of gachapon and collector’s grade mecha figures from old mecha anime get released with regularity. Someone’s buying that all that shit.

SRW is nearly 20 years old now, and they are still making video games that do one thing really well: rotate a 40 year old cast of everyone’s favorite robots into a battle strategy game held together by a duct-tape plot that doesn’t take itself too seriously. The games are fun, and it’s cool to put all these mecha into the same field. It’s really great to see older shows that will never be remade have little cut scenes in a newer animation style that still feels like the originals.

There’s also the old staple that started it all: the tokusatsu genre of live-action Super Sentai shows (e.g. Power Rangers). They’ve been making the Super Sentai Series since 1975, and there’s still fun to be had watching color-coded warriors use special powers/tech to summon forth some combining mecha to do battle with rubber suit monsters from outer-space. The effects are much better these days, but it’s the same formula, year after year and people still love it.

So with respect to mecha, I think what’s died or dying, is that people are afraid to have shameless child-like fun with giant robots. The genre got too serious and too angsty (and too horny without the grown-up edge of 80s OVA Tits & Tentacles mecha). The franchises carved their niches and aren’t going anywhere, while the genre survives in video games and collectables.

A lot of that shameless fun has moved into other genres, because nothing else explains a title like: “Is It Wrong To Pick Up Girl’s In The Dungeon?” or the nearly-ecchi concept behind the sports anime “Keijo!!!!!”. But that kind of fun is less child-like and more self-deprecating or pervy-humor. Both sports and isekai anime have their serious side, but seem to be dominated by stories that don’t take themselves too seriously, or like Yuri on Ice, aren’t afraid to take a concept that no one ever saw coming, and shape it into a good story.

I eagerly await a mecha sports anime (wait, no, I think that already happened), and I’d love to see a knock-out isekai mecha anime again. I think it will happen eventually, but probably not from Toei or Sunrise. If Tatsunoko could get beyond Moe Idols In Space, then the Macross franchise already has everything it needs to do a isekai series. That would be rad.

[koholinthibiscus]

My Tumblr Journey and mental health

What the hell is this?  Where am I? What do I do and how do I do it?

You often hear of people getting to their 30′s and feeling more comfortable in their skin and just owning, accepting and loving themselves.  Well, maybe it’s because I need psychotherapy, and maybe it’s because I’ve come into adulthood in a period with huge economic and political upheaval as well as a pandemic; but I don’t feel that way.  I feel simultaneously old and young.  clueless about young things (like tmblr) and clueless about old things (like mortgages... even though I have one) 

I’ve deleted Facebook and use twitter sparingly these days so the reason joined this site is to purely vent.  To write my thoughts out and send them into the internet ether to languish, probably ignored.  But just getting it out might make all the difference to my physical and mental well being so I’m just going to give it a shot and see where things go. 

I feel terribly alone and isolated.  I have a type of social anxiety that you probably wouldn't notice.  You might just think I’m an idiot or a bitch.  You might barely acknowledge my existence.  I’m pretty average so I may not register.  But when I’m done talking I will think and think and think about it.  How did I come across?  why the fuck did I say that?  You think I’m a fucking idiot don’t you?  I will simply torture myself forever and ever.  And I avoid social interaction, especially with new people, as much as I can.  I can just about manage in a workplace setting but all my energy for this is taken up with that. 

I feel unheard, unseen and unsatisfied.  I feel a lump in my throat and a weight in my chest.  I feel exhausted and headachey most of the time.  I can’t bear this current situation.  I have a visceral hate for my country.  I can’t bear sad news.  I can’t cope with news that implicates humans as ignorant, unsympathetic, inhumane creatures.  I feel deep sadness at the existential threat our planet faces and confusion and sadness when I realise that barely anyone in my real life feels the same urgency and guilt.  I have changed my lifestyle (probably not enough) to try and alleviate the guilt but it hasn’t worked.  

So I get into things to try and distract myself; fandoms, stories, subjects, video games, novels and I feel sad about it because I feel useless “not good at it” or that they’re a waste of time.  I hate myself so much that my hobbies make me sad. How stupid is that?  I’ve recently been getting into DnD during lock down and watching critical role.  I enjoy it but it makes me sooooo sad and jealous that I don’t have a strong friend group like that who can enjoy playing DnD with the same level of fun, ease and camaraderie.  It literally hurts my heart and I’ve been feeling weird for days.  So I’ve tried to make myself better by consuming things.  I’ve bought a new set of dice and bought some unrelated books.  

I skip from one subject or thing to the next feeling unsatisfied and discontent.  I don’t practice things, I don’t finish things.  I give up. And I feel like I’m giving up at life. I am lazy and stupid.  My hobbies, likes and interests feel like a plaster over a gaping wound and was working but it’s not any more. Getting lost in a fantasy world just makes me feel sad I can’t create my own or be with a group of friends, either on line or on person where I can create together. 

I am petrified of parent hood.  I have an amazing 3 year old.  She is a marvel. But I have a constant dread of failing her. Doing too much, doing too little.  I want her to strive for happiness.  Take on hard things, work at things till she’s good at them, whatever it may be.  I honestly don’t care what as long as she enjoys it, has a passion for it and is ultimately happy.  I want to push her, but I don’t want to push her too much.  I worry about sending wrong messages.  I worry about not doing enough with her.  I do not want to bring her up the way that my mother brought me up. I am terrified of repeating the same mistakes. 

I’m ultimately a kind person who is trying their best but can’t unleash my true potential due to depression, anxiety and self-confidence issues.  I get so angry and sad at people who don’t follow the same ideals as me.  which.... isn’t ideal.  I can’t stand TERFs, racists, ableists, misogynists, right wing people, climate change deniers, ignorant people.  I can’t stand it when people think that poor people only have themselves to blame.  I hate capitalism and colonialism.  I want to change the way the world operates even if it is to my detriment as a white CIS English women living in comfort.  I feel trapped in suburbia where nothing changes and no one looks or is different.  

I don’t mean to fetishize certain communities with that statement and I reliaze that it’s probably ignorant of me to suggest that everyone is the same too, given that I struggle to interact with people.  And I’m not suggesting that I’m some sort of special flower  or that ‘I’m not like other women’ (eeww) either, I know there are people out there I would probably get on with but like I say, I struggle.

It frustrates me when people don’t feel the same way politically.  I think that people’s politics are based on their morals so I struggle with conservatives for example.  I don’t understand them or where they come from.  I want things that people need to be owned by the public and free at the point of access, healthcare being the main one and I fear for the future of the NHS.  Yes, even if it means higher taxes (but I obviously want the super rich taxed more) I don’t believe billionaires should exist.  I want universal basic income.  If the human race keeps breeding, if we keep suffering from pandemics, if we progress technologically to the point where mechanization is even more prevalent, we will not need people to have jobs.  We need UBI to level the playing field.  And I want a vegan world.  All of the above makes my head swim with anger and despair.  What type of world will my child have to endure when she gets to my age?  I fucking hope it’s better than this.  I can honestly say that I believe I am on the right side of history with my politics.  It is ultimately about being kind and humane.  But no... I’m probably seen as a soft SJW snowflake keyboard warrior twat by my family (which is why I went off facebook).  Even though I have a masters in Gender studies and a career in social justice work, but sure, I’m just after the ‘internet points’ or want to look ‘woke’.  I feel like not many people truly know me and if they do know all of the above and don’t like what  they see,  I don’t know man, that kills me.  I want people to think well of me. I want people to think I am a good person. 

I could yap on for ages about this honestly but it would make little sense.

I think I wanted to start this as a place to get my feelings down because I am starting a journey of therapy soon.  My sessions should begin in September but I feel the need to get stuff out now.  I’m having a bit of a shit time in my head right now and I felt like I would burst. 

I’m already worried that I will appear stupid and self centered.  There is nothing particularly wrong with my life.  I have a good job that I love but am also petrified of it and of getting it wrong so I self sabotage, worry and don’t believe in my abilities and I’ve been doing that since college.  (I need to un pack how I feel about work and my actions around it, I have a lot of thoughts, maybe for another time) 

I pick the spots on my face till they become angry red welts, I pick the skin around my nails till they get infected and then I hate myself for how I look, even though it was my fault in the first place.  I don’t shower, don’t wash my face, don’t get enough sleep then look in the mirror and see my greasy lank hair, baggy grey eyes and bad skin and I just hate myself.  Is this an analogy for the entirety of my personality? I am my own worst enemy and I need to give myself a fucking break.  Easier said than done. 

Things to unpack in therapy: 

My work 

My politics and how I interact, deal with people who don’t feel the same way as me

My child hood and family dynamics - It’s fucked up y’all. 

My Child

My husband 

My past relationship

The sick thing I do at night when i think about horrible things, like the death of my child for no god damn reason. (Is it punishment?) 

It’s frustrating being so aware of my issues and not feeling able to do anything about it. 

It’s probably an effect of lock down but I have been feeling really bad consistently for a very long period of time now and it’s exhausting.  I always have peaks and troughs, feel great to OK for sometimes a good few months then it just comes down on me like a bag of hammers and I feel like death for 2-4 weeks.  

I’ve been having those hiccups more often and for longer.  I’m so fucking tired man.  A couple of months ago a I had a terrible headache for 4 days, could barely move and felt tearful all the time.  I just thought it was a migraine attack at the time (which I very very rarely have) but I coincided with a particular event that I’m not ready to talk about (It’s really not that juicy it’s quite fucking pathetic actually) and I think it was a major depressive episode. 

I think I’m done now, I’m emotionally exhausted after reading this through and my throat hurts from trying not to cry.  Maybe this is the start of my tumblr journey maybe I’ll delete it all in a few days I don’t know.  I had to try something. 

[ansu-gurleht]

ok, breton time!

so at first glance, bretons seem pretty boring, yeah? pretty standard Boring White Fantasy Dudes, with Kings and Knights and Castles and Royal Squabbling, right? while they feature some of those aesthetic qualities, they are certainly much more interesting than that, even taking into consideration the little lore we actually have in canon. and, of course, i am feverishly willing to flip an entire aviary of birds towards the writers for the elder scrolls and make up some of my own shit, b/c sometimes there’s little gaps that need a little filling.

so let’s get down to basics by starting with square one: what are they and where’d they come from? i think it’s fairly well understood that they’re sort of the “half-elves” of the setting, despite looking nothing like elves, really. they’re the result of a bunch of nedes (a race of men probably from atmora who were especially populous in the deathlands, aka hammerfell) making their way into high rock and finding out some elves already lived there. 

those elves were altmers who’d found the adamantine tower (where convention took place, establishing linear time and also shooting lorkhan’s heart across tamriel) and kinda decided to settle around there, while basically the rest of the elves decided to go and make their own towers elsewhere. this clan of elves who stayed in high rock were known as clan direnni. it seems that with little conflict the nedes kinda just fell into a subservient role to the direnni in a strict feudal system, with the elves at the top and the nedes at the bottom.

part of this seemingly accidental arrangement (i’m not sure how i feel about the supposed “ease” with which the nedes were enslaved - ahem, “integrated”) was a particular privilege the direnni enjoyed: the “perquisite of coitus”. this kinda gross rule/law made it that any mer could at any time “engage in recreational intercourse” with any man (i’m using this term gender-neutrally) they wanted.

apparently the direnni didn’t know how protection worked or just didn’t care. see, in the tes universe, when two races can interbreed, the offspring always follows the race of the mother, with some traits from the father inherited. so we start seeing a bunch of biracial children result from this “perquisite”; those with elvish mothers seem to have all been integrated into the direnni society, whereas the ones with nedeish mothers are rejected by their elvish fathers. buuuuut these elvish-fathered nedes, due to having elvish blood, begin to be considered higher-classed than the rest of the nedes. they’re still rejected by the direnni, and at some point it seems the perquisite is canceled, but at that point there’s already a lot of nedes with elvish blood.

so over time, since they can’t mate with the elves anymore, the beratu, which is ehlnofex for “half,” begin to mate with the other, pure-blooded nedes. eventually, the nedes go extinct simply through this integration (as well as through war elsewhere, esp. in hammerfell w/ the ra gada), in a similar way to how we likely made neanderthals go extinct by interbreeding with them.

a more complicated feudal system then arose, where bloodlines and legacy become extremely important to high rock society. the direnni were at the top, then there was a spectrum of power from bretons (the eventual corruption of the ehlnofex beratu) with the most elvish blood being dukes and counts, to those with hardly any at all being serfs. eventually, the overzealous expansion of territory by the direnni overcame them, and they fell back to the isle of balfiera in the iliac bay. a bunch of nords flooded into the northern territories the direnni couldn’t hold anymore. 

but the bretons and their new feudal system went on just fine without them, and eventually they remained the dominant force in high rock, despite the nords from the north, the redguards from the south, and the orcs from orsinium. apparently, this wasn’t even done through war - it was done through trade, and also by further assimilating the nordic population.

okay, everything i’ve said so far is canon history stuff. you’re probably here for more interesting speculation, though. trust me, i just had to get this stuff out of the way for a bit of context.

so we know that the bretons are really magical b/c of their elvish heritage. we know they’re very sectarian, having had likely almost twenty (i couldn’t find an actual number, sorry) contesting kingdoms and city-states constantly squabbling over territory prior to the warp in the west, which brought us down to five. they’re also pretty big in the empire business, seeing as probably most of the emperors have been bretons, and high rock have always been avid supporters of the empire. (except maybe in the 4th era? i seem to remember them seceding, but i might’ve been thinking about hammerfell, b/c i can’t find anything about it.)

bretons worship basically the nine divines, but they also have a few other gods. they worship magnus, the guy who left mundus and didn’t bother to close the sun-shaped hole behind him; jephre, which is another name for y’ffre, which you can’t convince me isn’t pronounced “yiffer”; and phynaster, who uh, sounds important, but.....doesn’t seem important. (they also acknowledge sheor, aka “the bad man,” which was a way of the altmer demonizing the nords’ shor. there could possibly be breton cults devoted to him, but we just don’t know.)

magnus makes sense, seeing as he’s the god of magic and all. jephre though, he’s interesting. he/she was worshiped by the altmer and falmer as well, but he’s most notably worshiped by the bosmer. he’s the guy that started the green pact and all! BUT, even more notable than that: he’s not an aedra, or even just some ancestor spirit. he’s an earthbone! meaning that she completely sacrificed herself to create and stabilize nirn and the mundus.

but, you may ask, why’re the bretons so invested in him? they’re pretty distant from valenwood, and they were ruled by altmer, not bosmer! to which i say, well, the altmer worshiped him too! and you say oh. yeah, right. i forgot.

BUT that would be giving you the short answer. the better answer? they worship him b/c he’s right under their feet! the adamantine tower’s smack dab in the middle of high rock! that’s where convention happened, and the spirits who made nirn decided what to do about it! that’s where they got separated into aedra, daedra, magna-ge, ehlnofey, and earthbones. 

so, depending on how you interpret earthbones, or how they work or whatever, you could say y’ffre either became an earthbone in high rock, or is the earthbone of high rock. i’d argue against the latter, tho’, b/c he’s obviously the earthbone of valenwood, which i think most people will agree with. but....her influence definitely lingered in the place where she made that choice. especially considering that place was literally the first freakin’ tower, one of the pins holding up reality on nirn.

and this definitely has an influence on a lot of the things we know about high rock and the bretons. we know there’s a lot of magical creatures not found many other places in high rock, and we know that there are witches covens there, and we have a hint that there is some kind of group called the druids of galen.

okay, what? druids of galen? what’s that? oh, it’s fine if you don’t know, they’ve been mentioned literally only once in the entire series. when you pick to be a breton in the first game, arena, it mentions them. literally just name drops them and doesn’t elaborate. that’s not a lot to go off of, but that’s never stopped me before.

first, let’s get this out of the way: the whole “beratu” etymology is obviously just a retroactive excuse for the fact that they’re called bretons after the real-life bretons of northern france. the bretons were/are a celtic culture, in the same vein as the irish and scottish and welsh. and if you know anything about celtic cultures, you’ll know that they traditionally had people called druids, who were sort of like clerics or wizards (as in “wise-men,” not dumbledore), and are associated with the various stone circles in the british isles, like stonehenge. and, nowadays, thanks to a lot of fantasy stories of the past century or so, druids have come to be heavily associated with nature and magic associated with protecting nature and stuff.

so it’s fair to say that the “druids of galen” were probably modeled after that more contemporary concept of druids. then who the heck is galen? i reckon he was an elf or half-elf nede who somehow discovered or invented a kind of nature magic akin to that of the bosmer. the way i reckon it to have worked was that the trees they worshiped were somehow “connected” to the earthbones, probably through the roots. and then he started an order of druids to continue the practice.

what’s really interesting is the fact that this magic likely somehow manipulated or used the power of the earthbones. we have other canon examples of this kind of magic: the thuum of the nords, the tonal architecture of the dwemer, and i think also the spinners of the bosmer. this earthbone-magic is extremely potent, b/c the earthbones are a huge part of what lays down the laws of reality. if you can make them do what you want, either by yelling really hard, banging metal together, or telling weird stories, you possess REALLY great power. 

(and here’s something i just found out while writing this: apparently there’s another reference to the spinners in the eso crown store, which notes that “in high rock, [they’re called] the vicars of jephre”. which is just a really huge bonus for me!)

i think that the druids of galen were able to somehow tap into a similar power to the spinners through their nature worship. i once also suspected that this cult might’ve had political influence in getting rid of the direnni, but i’m not really sold on that anymore. it definitely seems, though, that by probably the 2nd era or so, the druids of galen were no more. (perhaps they or their remnants became the vicars of jephre, but i’m not sure if they hold the same power or recognition as they did as the druids. if they do, they likely are no longer able to tap into the power of the earth-bones, and are simply a religious cult to jephre.)

there’s also the witch wyrds, or covens, of high rock, which may also be descendants of galen’s traditions. there’s a few notable ones, such as the skeffington coven of phrygia (mentioned in the 2920 series), the beldama wyrd, who the book “the witch covens of northern high rock” outright claims to worship jephre as an ehlnofey and earthbone that established the laws of nature, and the glenmoril wyrd, most members of which having become hagravens. 

i’m very tired and have written a lot, so i’m going to stop here. i might talk more about bretons at a later time, most notably their culture, which i kinda seemed to skip here. an accident, but one which gives me a bit of more solid topic for next time.

[eventhorion]

this is from a comment section on yt. Am i the asshole

Event Hʘriךּon: when will we realize that otherkin and transgeners are basically the same... xXComplexXx : transgenders* and, that is not even remotely true Event Hʘriךּon: @xXComplexXx where are the differences. Both think they are something they are not, think they are born in the wrong body, and think that feelings make reality. xXComplexXx: @Event Hʘriךּon so what you're saying is, you don't understand the difference between species and gender? Event Hʘriךּon: xXComplexXx oh i do. but i also understand that the concept of gender has been made up. Like, the difference between gender and sex. there is no difference. But the real problem is not me using a similitude, but the lack of ability in certain people to differentiate between fact and fantasy. Now, im quite happy for any sex to wear and act however they want, heck, i even fall in that category. My issue is with people that believe they are one gender they are not. Its alright if you are into playing a child when you are with your partner in a roleplay scenario, another thing is being convinced you are actually 9 year old. Im not conflating all of these things btw, species, race, age, sex. Im just trying to show how you wouldnt accept it if someone took one fact about their person and warped it. Im white, you wouldnt like it if went around saying im black when im not. Now, what if i adore the jewelery they make? the dresses they wear? the songs they sing? (im thinking of a certain part of africa in this case, just for this example) Im free to buy a beautiful dress, go to sing with my choir, buy the jewelry and boost that part of the economy. That is just human culture being shared and spread. But the second i go around and say i identify as black, and even go and actively change my skin color (like a reverse michael jackson, and it already happened in some cases too), not only everyone would see that as disrespectful, but i would be actively be ignoring the fact that im as white as a sheet. And try to put any other part of me in the place of the word "black". and youll see why im concerned. We are in the era of ignoring the facts, and this is one of them. I will end by saying, im actually a transhumanist, if you can believe it. I believe in the power of humans to become whatever they like. But just like natural evolution, you cant outgrow your anchestry. We can evolve ourselves (genetically or by body modification) in something new, but we cant stop being the sons and daughters of our anchestors. We are still monkeys, we are still mammals, we are still amniotes, we are still eukariotes. We can evolve in more branches, not jump between them. A woman can evolve a new way to be woman, that looks like a man, but she cant become a man. That wont stop her being a person either, it just a delusion, and we shouldnt be shaming delusions either. Just not encouraging them, because its a slippery slope, and we already know there is a pit at the end of it. xXComplexXx: @Event Hʘriךּon While it is true that sex is unchangeable, the modern concept of gender as a whole exists as a means to be comfortable in your own skin. there have been many scientific studies showing that being transgender is, in fact, a real thing. And the ones that "prove" it isn't have been debunked. If someone was born as a women but wishes to be acknowledged as as a man or vice versa, would being a decent human and treat them as they ask be harming anyone? No, it wouldn't. So why should you go out of your way to make others feel worthless? Event Hʘriךּon: @xXComplexXxThe sense of "worthless" is not coming from me but from themselves. They would be worth exactly 1 like everyone else to me. If being treated like everyone else is an offense to them, that is a problem, their problem to be exact. If the fact that they are delusional changes how they are treated by society that is because we need to have an honest discussion about mental health in this society, not that we should accept their belief as true.. This gender thing is nonsense. Yes, it exists just like people actually think they are a wolf trapped in a human body. They are 100% convinced of this, so the fact that they believe it is real. Doesnt mean they are tho. And its not harmless. When you depart from reality its never harmless. It seeps in what you do and what you believe, and the second you allow one thing to be departed from reality, there is no stopping it, without special pleading. Event Hʘriךּon: @xXComplexXx Also i have nothing against a man wearing a 'woman's' dress, in fact i find it hella rad. My problem lies with what people believe. I wear mans clothes on the daily, i speak more closely to a masculine type, and i otherwise act more like a man than a woman, apart from the little things that make me me. No quantity of act will change what i am, only i can come to terms with how i was born. I will change what that looks like, but i cant parade around thinking im something else. I can make a new image of me, like a dinosaur can evolve into a bird. But a dinosaur cant become a mammal. It can converge in something similar, but it would be its own thing. That is what i wish people understood and did. xXComplexXx: @Event Hʘriךּon I never said being treated like everyone else was offensive. If that is how it came off, I apologize. I'm saying we should be treated like everyone else and not get shit on. And just because you dress like a man doesn't make you a man. If you dress like a man and don't identify as a man, then you are not. How is this concept so hard to grasp? Gender isn't physical. Yes there are two sexes, but there more genders. Gender is your state of mind. A part of your identity. Event Hʘriךּon: xXComplexXx so its completely made up and useless. i mean it can be a fun concept to throw around,like me feeling a bit alien compared to everyone else. It doesnt mean that if i identify as alien, i am (apart from the literary, metaphorical sense). the problem lays with districating the Man and Woman word from egos. You are a man, a blank sheet that you can costumize. Dont stop being a sheet tho. My problem is that when they "Identify" they think anything is ok. If i identify as a crow, i am mistaken in my identification. its alright if i feel more confortable in a bird suit a beak and with people throwing bread at me. Some people have kinks, or have a lifestyle different than most, its fine. But its not alright when we stop considering reality, and whe Demand that it bends at our own will. State of mind is too merky to have any value. What if people start identifying as two year olds when they are 50? is that state of mind justifyed? is there a limit to what we can ignore just because someone thinks that the act of Identifying is reality altering? Can someone be wrong about identifying? what if i sincerely identify as the qeen of england. 'I identify as X' is a statement that can be proven false or true, like everything else in reality. It is true that they identify as X, it is not true that that identification correlates to reality: they are wrong in their identification. To be fair humans are not perfect at identification, we thought that wind had a mind of its own because we identified movement with agency. xXComplexXx: @Event Hʘriךּon Even if all you said was true, why do you care so much? Why would you go out of your way to tell people who've made a choice ,that affects their life and not yours, that they are wrong?  Why force people to be confined to the "limits" of our reality? You really think that they're going to listen to you and force themselves to be miserable living a life they can't stand? Are they hurting anyone? No. Are they hurting themselves? Most cases, no. Event Hʘriךּon: xXComplexXx why do i care about reality? because when people think something, they act upon it. Its not true that it doesnt affect anybody else. we share a reality, what other people do affect everyone. Otherwise we wouldnt take care of schizofrenic people, or narcisistic ones, or we would leave cults alone. You dont get to live in a pocket dimension. If someone in their mind think they are better than everyone else, that will impact how they act, who they vote, influence everything around them. If someone think they are trash, they wont fight for themselves when the time comes, they might think that life doesnt matter and not intervene to save others or themselves when they could. It matters. It matters if someone thinks that god will care for them in the next life, and their loved ones will burn in hell if they dont convince them that their god is real. It affect everybody. They might think that their god has a plan for their children, so they wont cure them if they get a disease. It matters. It matters when we let go of reality because the inside of our mind feels better. Expecially because in your mind you are alone. And we need to be less alone, not more. And inside your mind no one can criticise you, or teach you new things, or make new experiences. You can tell yourself stories and no one can say otherwise. we need to live in the real world. If they feel miserable in the real world, that is a symptom of depression, and psychologists exist for that exact purpose. And detachment and dissociation is unhealty.

[migleefulmoments]

Time for some CC Self Reflection

If you haven’t read the comment posted by ajw I refer you to her blog. She answered an ask which hit on the most common criticisms we have made about their fandom- they are misogynists, they fetishize gay men and gay relationships,  they don't actually like the choices Darren makes about himself and his career but at the same time they infantilize him and turn him into a victim, The anon also called them out for NOT being true allies and that Darren and Chris aren’t sending secret messages to the fandom.  

Ajw responded with her usual lack of any self reflection and repeating old arguments. 

Let’s begin by saying that Darren and Mia are a couple. I have been hesitant to say that outright and always referred to things that Darren said because I have been clear that I do not know Darren but I have had it confirmed by someone who does have that kind of access to Darren’s life to know for sure that Darren’s truth is that Mia and Darren are in love, bundling a life together and are engaged. Proven fact. 

Now let’s tackle the response: Is the CC fandom misogynists? Yes, of course. She lists a handful of women in her life who are living real lives as if that proves she doesn’t post misogynistic hatred toward a woman she has never met. Recognizing women in one’s life who have real-life struggles doesn’t prove you aren’t a misogynistic...it just proves you aren’t obtuse.  

They are misogynists because their hatred of Mia is not based on a personal knowledge of Mia but rather a set of stereotypes and labels they have given her simply to fuel their hatred. They criticize the way she dresses, her personal hygiene, her work ethic, and her career choices based entirely on their own fantasies. They have decided that Mia -and only Mia - has no right to post anything on social media and when she very rarely does, that PROVES she is a fame whore and it provides more fuel for that hatred. THAT is the definition of misogyny.  

She says: 

I happen to HATE one women. But it is not because she is female. I would despise her no matter her gender, race, nationality, or sexuality.

When I look up the definition I get 

mi·sog·y·ny/məˈsäjənē/noundislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women."she felt she was struggling against thinly disguised misogyny"

The truth is that hating even one women based on stereotypes and ingrained prejudices against women is what makes it misogyny...not that Mia is a women.

Are they gay fetishists? Of course. 

She explains that she loved Klaine, not because they are two men but because “they were great, real, believable characters and D&C bright so much beauty into that relationship it was impossible for me not to love them”. I have already said before that season 2 and 3 Klaine were all of those things but after season 3, Chris was OVER Klaine and there was NO chemistry. But besides all of that- Klaine is scripted TV. There were several scripts that were auctioned off by the Box Scene Project for charity and many of us have read them, everything was written by the writing staff. Nothing they said or did was up to Darren and Chris except for a few ad-libbed lines we heard about. Nothing else...the words they said, how they stood, moved, danced and sang with one another was all controlled by someone else. The kissing scenes were all highly scripted with cameras directly in their faces. There is nothing real happening on a scripted-TV show. Lea and Cory were actually in love and dating and nobody believes the Finchel scenes were actually Lea and Cory. 

Ajw continues to adamantly deny that she confuses Klaine and CrissColfer when in fact it is a regular occurrence by both her and the fandom. Darren and Chris were coworkers and nothing more. Neither man has ever once hinted at being a couple. The fandom proclaims they are a great love and go on about what the two men do and yet there has never been even a hint of confirmation from Chris or Darren. The only proof the fandom has that Chris and Darren have acknowledged their great love is through their interoperation of Chris’s Instagram “likes”, Darren T-shirt graphics and a crap ton of fabricated theories. 

The entire CC Fandom “ships” CrissColfer. For them to “know” CC is real would first require Darren or Chris to acknowledge with words or actions that they have a relationship before they can “know” it is true. Until that time its nothing but shipping. Of course neither man has ever so much as hinted. In fact Darren has said “I’m straight” for 9 years and has been with Mia since before Glee started. Both Chris and Darren have asked them to stop, have talked about fans who don’t understand reality from fantasy and called them the Kragen and crazies.  Until Chris or Darren confirm with words that they are a couple, the CCers are “shipping” the two men. 

They fetishize Darren as gay based entirely on his behavior they deem was “gay”. They call him “Daisy” when he “acts gay”, claim he goes to gay clubs to “stare at half-naked men”. They say he is gay because he wears pink, a “God save the Queers” Tshirt, or tiny shorts in a gay rights parade. He’s gay because he puts on a wig and lip syncs Mariah Carey. Their beliefs about male and female behaviors and dress are quite disgusting. They reduce every gay man who enters Darren’s life to a “role model” who will be “helping him come out”.   

Darren has said he is straight for 9 years and yet they claim he is gay simply because of their fantasies.  Darren has never even hinted he is anything but straight.  

Are they talented men? Sure, but they aren’t “the most wonderful, caring intelligent creative and generous human beings”...they are STRANGERS. Complete strangers. You can’t know if someone is generous, wonderful, and caring if you don’t actually know that person. Darren is a person that a lot of people like and a lot of people comment on social media that he is super nice and down-to-earth. Those same people also say a lot of nice things about Mia and the CC fandom only cares about the first type of post. But Is he generous? I have no clue---he charges a shit load of money for Meet and Greats! Is Chris wonderful, generous and caring? We have no clue at all. We know Kurt, we don’t know Chris. All of these things that CCers believe about Chris and Darren are based entirely on Kurt and Blaine or their own fantasies.

And together, they are a shining example if a love that is rare.  They have suffered so much and have been each other’s rock for EIGHT years.  There aren’t many like them and I don’t understand why it is wrong to admire them because they happen to be two men.  The way they love and respect each other is something we should all aspire to have. 

Again, we have the fetishization of love. They have a love that is rare? They have never shared anything about themselves that suggest any kind of love. They have NO PUBLIC relationship. 

Darren and Chris’s long-term suffering is entirely fabricated by the CC fandom. Darren has said “I’m straight”, “I love her very much” and talked about his wedding plans among other things. Chris said Will is his boyfriend when asked by a child at a TLOS event and dedicated a book to him. Suffering? Darren just won an Emmy, a Critic’s Choice and a Globe, his bar is hopping, his tour was a success...people who are suffering don’t have successful careers- especially one in which he must give on-camera interviews. 

“They are each other’s rock for EIGHT years”? Again, we have never heard anything from either man to suggest they are even friends, let alone each other’s  “rock”. They don’t have a love we should “aspire to”- that is all a fantasy. A100% fantasy. We really know nothing about anyone’s relationship except our own. It makes no sense to believe that two strangers who have no public relationship have a love we should all aspire to. How they cannot see this is entirely all their own fantasy, baffles me. 

Respect each other? It seems pretty clear to me that Chris doesn’t want anything to do with Darren -at least publicly. We know that Chris had to be forced to do the wedding interview, we know they have no public relationship, we know that Chris has asked the CCers to stop believing they are together and has said that Glee isn’t a documentary. We know that Chris doesn’t like to be talked about. I have no inside scoop on how Chris feels but it is clear to me, that he is not interested in waking the Kragen and as long as he fears that, he will not have a public relationship with Darren.

Does she hate Darren? Yes...she really does. Darren is that slightly douchy, frat-bro dude they hate so much. Darren is the man who accepts the product endorsements they rage about. The man they love and adore is the fantasy gay man they fetishize. He is mostly season 2 Blaine with whatever fantasy they have created. They want Darren to be a gay victim and they will rescue him. The man they cheer, the man they like is all a fantasy. 

They hate his choices and they blame everything they dislike on his team...a team that Darren hired and continues to believe in as evidence by this continued working with them. Contracts end and yet Darren has not changed his team in 9 years. Do they hate his family? Clearly, they “adore” his mother  but they have claimed that Chuck is bad because he likes and supports Mia. They hate all of Darren’s non-gay friends (as long as they haven’t said anything supportive of Mia). The friends she likes- a handful of people she has decided are “good” based on whatever a CCer uses to determine good vs. evil- Max, Jon, Etai, Lena, the ACS cast, proving again that the CCers can’t tell the difference between coworkers and friends. I know that Darren says the ACS cast is family but I hear that from a lot of casts they are doing press, and I believe they feel that way, but life gets in the way and it changes who is in our life. I’ve felt that way about coworkers I hadn’t heard from in decades.  Time moves on.    

We keep coming back to the concept: Darren is a stranger and believing things that Darren has NEVER said or even hinted at crosses all sorts of boundaries. One thing that is abundantly clear is that Darren is loyal and his friends from college mean everything to him. Denigrating that relationship to suit one’s fantasy is disgusting. Nobody whose entire knowledge of Darren’s life is gleaned from social media has any right to comment on his personal relationships. Period.   

Do Darren and Chris send them signs? She claims that they signs are for all of us but only the CCers actually take the time to listen. I can only LOLOLOLOL to this. As I have said before, the words that Darren and Chris say should be the only thing any of us are listening to. Their words are worthy of respect. believing they are sending convoluted signals hidden in social media while ignoring their words is fucked up. 

We end with Hollywood and closeting queer actors. Once again, the CC fandom’s version of closeting is one they have fabricated to fit their needs. No gay celebrity that I know of has talked about a forced closeting. No one has claimed a studio used a morality clause to keep them in the closet. Agents and mangers have encouraged queer actors to stay in the closet but nobody is forcing them to stay in. The real “closeting” happens when queer actors are not hired for jobs. That is a systemic problem that has to do with stereotypes and personal beliefs and NOT something that will be solved quickly or easily.  Closeting by a studio using a contract would be easier to change- a good lawsuit would end that kind of practice. But it isn’t that simple. 

I almost feel stupid answering this because it is so clear that the CC fandom’s fantasy is behind all of their “truths”. They have created and entire fabricated story that is so out of touch with reality that it can only be called scary. 

It’s late, I’m tired. Tomorrow I will proofread this and probably make it read better but I shall post it for now. Let me know if there are glaring typos.    

[stompsite]

disrespecting players

So, Assassin’s Creed Odyssey has this new thing, where you can “romance” whoever you want. In the latest DLC, one playable character, Kassandra, has a baby.

People are upset about this.

Why? It’s completely understandable. Since you can “romance” (okay I hate that word and this essay is about that) anyone you want, you can play Kassandra as a lesbian. In fact, in my playtime, I don’t actually think I’ve come across a single straight romance option. So maybe that’s what you’re supposed to do canonically. But apparently in the DLC, Kassandra is framed as bi, not lesbian, and some people aren’t happy about that.

So, after about 3 hours of sleep this morning, I saw a tweet, and the tweet said, “Ubisoft sorry for shock Assassin’s Creed Odyssey DLC twist which ignores player choice.”

Now, that specific sentence stuck out to me, because it’s something I’ve seen before, and I think there’s an interesting discussion to be had there. I wasn’t focused on the Kassandra issue specifically so much as I was the idea of “when should player choice matter?”

Me being me, I replied to this with my belief that most of the time, player choice isn’t worth respecting. Now, in my thread, I got to the point, but it took me a bit because I did the me thing and worked through the logical build up to my point, because I like establishing a need and then going “so that’s why we need X,” this time, let’s get the point out up front, then work backwards. Not my preferred way to go, but it’s more important to make sense than to be comfortable.

My feeling is, I might be saying something useful, but if I’m not thoughtful about how I say things, people might end up misunderstanding. Since the thing that inspired this thought process was Eurogamer discussing “respecting player choice,” but that choice was about sexuality, it can too easily come across as saying “player sexuality shouldn’t be respected.” And that’s obvious horse shit; player sexuality must always be respected, because that’s an innate quality of the self! You should never shit on identity. But... should “player choice,” as a generalized topic, actually be respected?

So, here’s the thesis: I think the way we talk about player choice is wrong. I think that when players are expressing themselves in terms of appearance, race, gender, sexuality, or whatever other personal trait, we should be supportive of their ability to play the way they want. Ubisoft giving players the opportunity to play as a lesbian character and then, in an expansion, saying “actually you can’t be a lesbian” is a problem. But this doesn’t mean that we should cater to every player choice, and Eurogamer’s specific framing is what bothered me, because I think player choice doesn’t deserve the sanctity that it’s often given.

I think, in some games, players want to be gods, and I think this is something that encourages us to think about the world in an unhealthy way.

Take Dragon Age 2, for instance. In that game, there’s a character named Aveline. Every single romance option in Dragon Age 2 sucks. Aveline is the only good companion character in the entire game... but you cannot “romance” her. I think she’s the only person you aren’t related to that you can’t woo.

I hate using “romance” as a verb. I hate the idea that you can “romance” anyone you see in a game, because that’s not how it works in real life. If I walk up to you and flirt terribly, and you happen to not be into me, you have the ability to turn me down and not enter into a relationship with me, right?

So you cannot “romance” Aveline, which really just means “interacting with her enough that her fuck meter hits max and then you are rewarded with a terrible cutscene of your lifeless dolls dry humping each other and then she stands in your house near your bed and you can interact with her.” I hate elves, so I did everything I could to piss another character, Merill, off, but apparently maxing out your hate means she’ll move into your house and hatefuck you.

It’s so fucking gross to treat sex, in games, as a weird fucking carnival game where sex is the prize. Don’t do any of the actual work of a relationship, just, y’know, max out a meter and you’re owed sex by your subordinates. You can see how that’s… a bit troubling, right?

Now, I could level this criticism at Assassin’s Creed Odyssey. But, hey, this isn’t an essay about how bad Assassin’s Creed Odyssey is at relationships. I mean, it is, because “Assassin’s Creed Odyssey being so bad at relationships they literally invalidate player choice and it’s understandably upsetting people” is the thing that got this started, but what I’m specifically interested in is the way Eurogamer (intentionally or unintentionally) suggested that games need to respect player choice.

I think player choice only needs to be respected when it comes to expression.

I’m making a game where you are a specific person, with specific goals and beliefs. You cannot determine his appearance, gender, or sexuality. This game is a game about seeing the world through his eyes. So, if you play that game, you’re going to invariably be that guy. I like games like this. I like playing Cate Archer in No One Lives Forever. I like being in someone else’s shoes.

But then there’s a whole mess of games where you can more or less act how you want. You can pick what your character looks and acts like, how they perceive the world, and all sorts of other things. You can be yourself in the game world, or, heck, you can be someone you came up with. It’s all good.

That’s really cool! Being able to customize that experience is really awesome. In an earlier essay, I discussed how “being able to visit another world” is a huge part of why I care about games. Therefore, being able to be myself in that other world (or whoever I want to be) is super important.

But I think people conflate “being who you want” and “engaging with the world on your terms” and I don’t think they should do that.

Like I said, I personally care about going to other worlds. Implicit in this is the understanding that for a world to be… believable? For it to exist, or whatever you want to call it, the world has to have its own terms that do not revolve around me.

Take Thief, for instance. Thief is an immersive sim–a genre that’s about existing in another world–based around the idea of being a thief. One of the reasons that Thief is compelling is that… well, you’re a thief, not a warrior, so if you get into a sword fight with one guy, you might lose. If you get into a sword fight with multiple guys, you will most definitely lose. You cannot dictate that all outcomes will be favorable to you regardless of the choices you make.

Thief works because you can make choices that lead to unfavorable outcomes. If you could choose anything and have it work out in your favor every time, the fantasy of being a thief would collapse, and Thief would fail as an immersive sim.

I believe that immersive sims are games that represent worlds. For a world to be realistic, there must be scenarios in which you can make suboptimal decisions–even wrong ones. When people argue that games should always result in a favorable outcome that “respects their decisions,” these people want playgrounds, not immersive games. An immersive game is one that exists regardless of the player, not for the player.

You could say I’m establishing that there are two kinds of games. For the sake of argument, let’s call them playgrounds and simulations.

Neither one is valid, but I think a great deal of people assume all games should be playgrounds and unfairly judge games that don’t allow them to treat all games like a playground. I think immersive sims–or any game trying to let players exist in a world–are necessarily player agnostic. I think these games should acknowledge your decisions but that doesn’t mean respecting them. Sure, you built a character for stealth, but the guy you’re going up against was characterized as paranoid and has cameras everywhere; maybe that level is impossible to stealth. The game isn’t bad because it doesn’t let you play according to your build, it’s giving you a believable, interesting world.

Now, maybe you just want Ultimate Stealth Game Playground, in which case, I’d like to introduce you to Ghost Recon: Wildlands, a wonderful game I’ve put 48 hours into. That is a playground, and it’s a really good one.

I think we should respect choices when they’re about players defining themselves in games that are built around players defining themselves, like Assassin’s Creed Odyssey, a game that was heavily marketed as letting you choose your sexuality. I don’t think we need to respect every single player choice because I don’t think the player should have their every whim catered to.

I feel like a lot of this ties into the idea of “power fantasy.” I think power fantasies can be great. Sometimes it’s fun to go all Hulk: Ultimate Destruction on a city and smash things, you know? But I feel that a lot of people… man, I feel like a lot of people want the game to constantly tell them how amazing they are and do anything they want and sometimes that leads to shitty scenarios where players are like “everyone should fuck me if I want them to.” I think that’s gross.

A world cannot be authentic if it can only respond positively to the player’s interactions.

If a player’s agency is absolute, then no other character has any agency, and you cannot meaningfully engage with those characters. They exist to please you and nothing else. You cannot engage with the game and treat them as equal to you; you can only see them as part of a facade. The game world cannot be believable or interesting.

A lot of bad shooters I see tend to be designed in the same way: they exist to fellate the player. They’re not satisfying because you can’t make wrong decisions; you can’t mess up. As a result, there’s no danger. Because the games are so interested in making you feel powerful and strong and good about yourself, you never feel like you earned anything. Your relationship to the world ends up turning you into that creepy kid from the Twilight Zone episode where a creepy kid has godlike powers and can make anyone do anything he wants them to or be whatever he wants.

That’s not an interesting relationship to the experience. It’s not really one I want to have.

So. Yeah. You should be able to define your character. That’s good. You should not be able to determine how the world responds to you, though.

The Ubisoft situation really only refers to the former: you should be able to define your character, and they chose not to respect that. They fucked up. But I feel like a lot of people are using this as a springboard to say that all decisions no matter what should be respected, whereas I think only certain ones (like the decision to define Kassandra’s sexuality) should be respected. I think there are plenty of decisions that should not. I think games are interesting when they’re somewhat player agnostic.

I think you should be who you want, in games that present that opportunity, and I think Ubisoft fucked up by retroactively invalidating choice.

I’m just... feeling like I’m seeing people around this discussion arguing that all games should allow all decisions all the time, the player’s position within games is sacred, games should never ever under any circumstances present players with bad choices, and I’m uncomfortable with that ‘cause I think it leads to weird situations like the one with “Aveline owes me sex in Dragon Age 2 because I want to have it with her” which is weird and gross.

[tessariel-aerlinn]

No excuses

I don’t usually make posts like these but after reading some of the responses in a certain facebook group for the Balmung server I just got tired of the victim blaming and excuses being spewed in regards to a certain chain of events that involve a ‘prominent’ community contributor. There is an article from PC Gamer that has published the story of what has happened in our nook of the MMO world and the link is here:  https://www.pcgamer.com/prominent-final-fantasy-14-community-leader-accused-of-blackmail-and-sexual-harassment-by-over-a-dozen-women/

Now I’ve read it over seen things cross my tumblr feed in regards to this. I remained silent because I have no reasons to doubt what happened here because I didn’t have it happen to me and it’s far too common for these things to happen within the online communities we create to escape the real world. We build relationships with people across the globe based on a love of something which in this case is FFXIV. What has happened to these women is inexcusable regardless of the circumstance. This was a game, a psychological one played by a man who had nothing but ill intentions towards these women from the start. He was never their friend and had a profile he was matching these women to in order to get the biggest bang for his buck. 

The ego/narcissist in this...I can’t even call him a man but I shall continue propelled his behavior because he hadn’t been caught and he had cowed these women into silence using various methods of blackmail. How did he do this? He waited for the opportune moment to befriend these women and knew who to look for. The targets were women who were at a low and likely suffered from self-esteem or even anxiety. They were possibly introverted as well which meant the internet allowed them a safe outlet to not worry about being judged for looks or anything else they felt made them feel inadequate for whatever reasons. It falls into the hunter/prey category where these women were his prey and he used every move he had in his bag of tricks to get his way. He befriended them to gain their trust and told them the things they wanted to hear from a male figure. Those who rejected his advances he seemingly backed off of and moved onto his next target but he would revisit if he saw the opening to try again. It’s not an unusual tactic and is rather common in abusers like him. When he found these women he made sure neither knew of each other and the typical use of no one will believe you do you know who I am speech pushed them into silence along with any blackmail he had on them which unfortunately was sexually explicit.

Now that these women have found each other they’ve found the strength to speak up and bring these atrocities to light. Their reward for doing so? Victim blaming, shaming and the brush off it’s the internet you should know better and the best one yet it’s a game get over it. Really? Regardless of the medium used this behavior isn’t acceptable period. Daily people are held accountable for things said on their social media. The internet is the means we communicate with others on a daily basis and the excuse of you should know better it’s the internet or it’s a game is being tossed at these women. The other excuses of they should have known better than to do xyz with a guy they didn’t really know is laughable. It made me wonder how many of these macho men who seem to be the one crowing the loudest in this debate to shame and defend the actions of the ‘man’ accused used the internet to date someone or even made friends with another but because they haven’t had this experience they have a sense of entitlement to just blame the victims for what happened. It shouldn’t be the case because whether the victims are women or men harassment or abuse of this kind or any kind is inexcusable, unacceptable. 

I don’t care if others agree with me or not but if you feel that these victims should have known better unfollow me right now and pray that this never ever happens to anyone you know or even to you. There is discrimination when it comes to harassment because the one doing the harassment doesn’t care about the victim at all. Doesn’t matter the gender, race or sexual orientation. You are their target and will be until you fight back however you can. This predator is only sorry he got caught just like any other harasser be it sexual or not.

And speaking of harassment in a broader sense...If you someone who thinks you have a right to harass someone for anything you’re wrong. Period. If you are going out of your way to do harm to anyone else as revenge or because you simply get off on it. Get over yourself and seek help. In my eyes if you do this you’re no better than the guy who did this to those women. At one time I was a vindictive person when I was a teenager and into my 20s. Now? I’d rather ignore it until it comes up to my doorstep. Anyone who is knowingly doing things to harass someone to where they make them uncomfortable to leave the game or feel unwanted then claims ignorance to their actions are scum. I hope you know that the actions you do to others will come around to you later and be paid back tenfold. 

[ievani-e]

Random Rant Regarding Ignorance (Originally posted 2013)

When I write, I do it both to simply capture my thoughts down on paper (or, in this case, a computer program) and also in order to show someone else the world through my eyes. I pour my own thoughts, feelings and emotions into my pages; but the important thing is giving those things a context, so that someone else who isn't me can still come to understand my thoughts, feelings and emotions. A story is simply a backdrop for delivering ideas: it's a stage to present concepts in a way that people can understand. Simply saying “love one another” is too abstract for us to truly understand until we learn as many details as we can: about other people, about the situation, and about ourselves. When we know people, we can love them; but it's hard to love out of ignorance.

I've been struggling with writer's block recently because I've felt like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I didn't have a clear message I wanted to portray: I simply liked painting a pretty backdrop and getting caught up in the characters. I liked just listening to their conversations, watching them live their daily lives and seeing what happened next. Writing is, for me, just like reading is for you: you don't know what to expect until you actually read the next word. Paper is a blank canvas where you can add to it, bit by bit, until you have a coherent picture which is actually kind of decent to look at.

But lately, I haven't felt like I've had a blank canvas. There's been so much buzzing around my head, I haven't been able to get into the heads of my characters. I feel like I've lost faith in humanity: something that happens quite often, actually, but I always manage to get it back. In my stories, I tackle issues such as sexual abuse, neglect, and people simply standing by and doing nothing even when it's clear someone needs help. But I've never tackled them with the intention of teaching anyone anything about them: I've simply been exploring my own feelings in a way I could resolve them and that hopefully other people could understand. I don't write with a message in mind, or a “lesson” I want to teach my readers: though of course, if they do take something away from my work, I'm happy.

However... there are times when I feel like I can't just break away from the world and hide away in my “happy place” and focus on my own novels and nothing else. Every day, I read stories about rape, sexism, racism, discrimination and hatred and intolerance in general. Now, I'm a sensitive person, and these issues are so upsetting I used to just stick my head in the sand and cover my ears and hope that these things would go away. I hoped that, by the time I pulled my head back out of the sand, these things would just magically be gone. But they're not. And I'm actually part of the problem, by refusing to acknowledge it exists and speaking out against intolerance and inequality in all its forms. I think the main part of the problem is that people simply don't understand each other. We rarely take the time to think about the world through other people's eyes. We rarely think about what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes, think the way they think and feel the way they feel. We assume that whatever we think is right and that anyone who disagrees must be stupid. We don't think about the myriad of ways people are different, yet similar. We don't think about people as individuals: there are simply people “like me” and “unlike me”.

I hate making generalisations, which I realise is an ironic statement to make given the many generalisations I just made, but I do have a point: I'm using my generalisations as a way to exaggerate an issue simply to make it more noticeable. Problems of hatred and discrimination exist. The majority of people are kind and decent and treat each other with respect, and I truly believe that. But there are those who abuse and exploit others, who seem to lack empathy and understanding: and for them, generalisations are not used to innocently place a magnifying glass over a problem to see it clearer, but as malicious justifications for self-serving, prejudiced behaviour.

Rape and sexual abuse is particularly a sensitive topic for me, and one I have explored in various ways (though by no means fully) in my writing. But so far, my stories haven't really offered me a plateau to discuss other kinds of issues. My stories are now at a point where I must keep the plot moving forward and make it consistent with what has already happened: I can't just go off on a tangent to discuss feminism and equality. When I read articles everyday about how people are mistreated, misunderstood, shunned and ostracised, I feel powerless and I have no clue how to get my feelings out in a productive and constructive way (other than getting into political debates with my friends). And it's interfering with my ability to write.

How can I use writing to express my feelings about the intense debates on sexism and homophobia when the events occurring in my story are completely unrelated? How can I use my characters to portray my astonishment at the lack of empathy and compassion some people show, especially when they are granted anonymity by the internet? How can I focus on weaving a fantasy story about make-believe characters when the real world has so many problems that need to be sorted?

I don't have the answers to those questions and so, instead of continuing my story, I'm writing this. I have written about depression, psychopathy, abuse and neglect. I have gotten into the head of rapists, murderers and the criminally insane... yet I'm just completely at a loss of words at the sheer amount of ignorance and intolerance displayed by people who comment on online videos and articles who claim that the status quo is fine the way it is and anyone who says otherwise doesn't even deserve to live. Politicians and judges who overlook situations they aren't even involved in and suggest it's somehow the victim's fault. People who mistake genuine suffering for attention-grabbing. A society which defines “gender” by its basest trait and divides humanity into arbitrary categories. Religious and non-religious people alike who think homosexuals are inherently evil.

Let me just say one thing: we are all individuals. You. Me. The person sitting next to you at work or at school. Even the creepy guy no-one likes. We are all different. We are all similar. We all have our own likes, dislikes, interests, skills, hobbies, abilities, dreams and aspirations. But the thing is: it's all completely random. Our entire existence is dictated by chance. Even when we were first conceived, we were made by one of millions of sperm cells: each one would have resulted in a different combination of DNA. We are all unique. You can't tell what someone is like just by the colour of their skin, their religion, their sexual orientation, their gender or their biological sex. You can't tell what they will like, what they will do and what they will be just by looking at them and categorising them.

So please, let's stop all this hatred and discrimination. While prejudice is born out of ignorance, I think that ignorance can actually be a beautiful thing if we embrace it. If we admit that we don't know what other people are like based on heuristics, biases and logical fallacies, it means we have an opportunity to genuinely get to know people. And learning more about each other is always amazing.

I still think that, at their core, all humans are good. All humans can love. But first, we have to stop judging books based on their cover. We have to stop letting fear and ignorance get in the way of love and acceptance. I don't want to hear any more generalisations or stereotypes lumping every man or woman into a single category. Nor people of a certain sexuality, nor race, nor religion, nor anything else. No more categories. No more assumptions or pre-conceived notions. Let's just admit that we don't understand other people very well, but — and this is the key difference — let's try to.

Thank you for reading.

[bumblingseabiscuit]

Tumblr made me think a lot today, and I am going to do my best to try and tackle a pretty heated conversation. I apologize if I do not cover everything, this is something with over 300 posts and very “at opposites” sides. 

“Half-Breed” / “Halfling”

I start this off by addressing the main context of the conversation: “Is the use of the word half-breed racist?”

In my personal opinion, I will say: yes. 

“Does the use of the word half-breed make someone racist?”

In my personal opinion, I will say: no.

I’m going to do my best to explain why I can acknowledge the difference.

Presentation: I’m of the opinion that starting a discussion on the offensive will always place people on the defensive. This means, they shut their ears, they close their eyes, and they feel like they first and foremost need to shield themselves from your ‘attacks.’ 

Now the argument can be made here that’s, “Good, they should feel attacked like we do every day.” Unfortunately, that. . .  isn’t quite how it works. I’d argue it’s a touch hypocritical. You’re trying to escape that hate, you know better than anyone why it’s important to not put it upon someone. 

It also closes people down to viewpoints and means more people turn away from your side. Does that make this racist? I don’t feel like I’m qualified to decide that. Honestly, I think it’ll depend on who you talk to. I do think that it’s hard to understand hatred. I do think it’s hard to join the side of someone who is attacking you. I do think self-preservation is coded into all of us. Whether or not that excuses their actions can remain up to the individuals involved.

There will always be those who will scream and shout in argument to whatever point you may bring up because of their racism or their privilege (or honestly both), but in trying to educate, in trying to change the narrative, you need to appeal to those that have privilege and just don’t understand the other side. Who haven’t been shown the other side. These people aren’t inherently evil, racist, or against you. But if you approach them on the offensive it’s easy for them to go on the defensive. 

I don’t feel like people who use the word “half-breed” are inherently racist because:

Privilege: they’ve not experienced the other side

Language barrier: it’s been pointed out why this may be the case

Privilege:

I want to buffer this to my followers: Privilege is not an evil word. It’s not an offensive word. It’s not a word used to insult you. I know in some cases people use it that way. There are extremists in every movement who will taint terms with their outlooks. However, I want you to take a moment and acknowledge that here, right now, I’m not using this as a word to attack you.

Instead, I’m trying to explain things the best I can.

Privilege is the lacking experience of social situations or hierarchy because of your religion, your skin color, your gender, or your sexuality. It means that you don’t inherently experience the world in a darker light. It means you don’t face having to consider:

whether or not to wear your khimar 

how to style your hair for a job interview

whether or not the outfit you wear is “too skimpy”

if you can hold hands with your lover

These are just some examples and there are hundreds upon thousands of alternative examples that explain how you may have the privilege that others don’t, and why those other people may have aches and pains you may not understand.

So here’s where that comes into play for “half-breed” and “halfling.”

Many of you who have experienced the term, “half-breed,” outside of biracial communities, experienced it in an online fantasy world. From D&D, to WoW, to XIV, Dragon Age, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and a plethora of other worlds where racial / species mixing is possible. However, I encourage you to apply critical thinking in these situations.

In most cases, when the term “half-breed,” is used in a fantasy realm, it is being used in a derogatory means. Example:

“Ack! A half-breed your kind aren’t welcome in my bar!”

“Did you see that man. Yes! The one over there! The half-breed. I can’t imagine how he ever got work at Lady Amarth’s home.”

“She’s a mudblood, filthy she is.”

XIV in particular shows that mixed races are treated poorly. They’re kicked out from their tribes, they’re disowned by their family, they’re cast to the slums. Half-breed is rarely used as a “positive” or “neutral” descriptive in fantasy narratives. When it’s presented in a neutral fashion that’s often because the setting has already been shown to not have socially progressed. Calling someone a “half-breed,” is as ‘natural,’ as more inappropriate insults were before our society progressed.

Still with me?

When we apply critical thinking, we can see that the term “half-breed,” is in most cases a racist term supplied by fantasy creators to set a negative mood. So we can see in our fantasy settings how this term is considered derogatory. And at this point, we’re forced to recognize the fact that this term is meant to be racist (and thereby is racist). It’s meant to split a character apart from the “purebloods,” because the pureblood are viewed as “superior.”

This is something that, as a privileged person, you can grasp onto with a level of tangency. It’s a good step into progressing you into the further outlook of why the term, “half-breed,” is racist. And that’s because:

It’s used to insult biracial human beings. 

Privileged people only hear half-breed in correlation to a dog, a cat, or another animal. It’s important to remember that many people don’t and are treated not unlike animals. Many colored communities are still treated as if they’re less than human and those communities face a plethora of insults in the form of racial slurs that you, as a person of privilege, would never have flung at you. One of which is, half-breed, and as such (as you can see from the discussion) it’s very hurtful to those who are and have been part of those communities.

Language:

This has already been touched upon by @nightmaze into why some people may not recognize the derogatory term. I will say that dismissing this point entirely isn’t quite fair to non-English speakers and non-American inhabitants. English, in of itself, is a mess of non-grammar, non-infliction words that develop connotations through historical use more than linguistic design. Our language is a mess. 

People from entirely different countries, with far less knowledge of American history, who have words that loosely translate into what we perceive here as insulting should not inherently be deemed “racist,” or their points invalid. That being said, this is meant to be a bridge to understanding and not an excuse. Mistakes will always happen when you learn a different language. The important part, for you as a bilingual speaker, is to understand and educate yourself on why a word you thought was fine, isn’t.

Does your mistake make you inherently racist? Nah, heck no. In fact, it’s probably going to happen a lot (especially growing up in a completely different country from where such drastic history was held). How you handle the mistake reflects on you, though.

(*I will note “you” here is being utilized in a general way and not targeting Nightmaze specifically)

ALL RIGHTY. So now we tackle some general miscommunications.

“I’d never say this word in real life. It’s my character who is racist!” That’s fine. If you use this term and acknowledge the fact that it is racist, and your character is being racist, your character can face the in character consequences of their actions. However. There’s this idea that “IC=/=OOC,” is this great holy black-and-white rule and it’s not. Your pretendy times is not more important than my mental health. Your pretendy times shouldn’t be more important than our friendship. Not blending IC and OOC is always a good idea, but sometimes, people are just made incredibly uncomfortable by an action or word and they’re allowed to be uncomfortable. They’re allowed to ask you to stop, or not do that thing or use that word around them, and if you have any respect or regard for the player on the other end of the screen I’d hope that you would consider a level of empathy. 

An example I can provide is rape. If your character is a rapist, and you 100% acknowledge that is evil and that your character is evil, that’s on you. You do you. I’d ask for you to not play that character around me, not try to rape my character, or bring up rape around me/my character. Because while it’s in character for yours, I am personally made uncomfortable. Sure you can scream, “IC IS IC!” but honestly why does that matter at this point? I’m uncomfortable, it upsets me, and you’re telling me to, “Just get over,” my real world feelings for your fake world pretendy fun times. 

If you’re one of the people that prefer to protect the sanctity of your writing and roleplay over the sanctity of a person’s thoughts and real world emotions I’d suggest for you to do some critical self-thought, and look into yourself to see why that is.

“I’ve never encountered half-breed as being racist!” And now you have! And I’ve tried my best to provide reasoning as to why and I’d hope you consider using a different term. 

“This seems blown out of proportion.” That’s because you’ve likely never been on the receiving end of constant hate. What may seem silly to you is extremely hurtful to others. And isn’t that what’s more important here? People are hurting. It’s really easy in this case to be empathetic and make an effort to see they don’t hurt by removing a term from your vocabulary. 

At the end of the day folks, that latter point is what this comes down to. While I think going around and name calling, being on the offensive, and generally getting really heated is not going to be how this subject educates people I do understand why it’s a snap-reaction. A lot of you have experienced heartache. A lot of you have privilege. Those two things combined with no proper foundation creates a rocky discussion platform and I feel like more people came out of this on the defensive when they should have come out with understanding.

I hope that, at the end of the day, this helps to create a more neutral and understanding conversation going forward. I’m sorry I couldn’t tackle everything, this is already extremely long. I’m not going to spoiler this because honestly it’s really important to read. So instead, I’m just going to apologize for, “The long post.”