#if bison had said yes i think he would have. i think they would have gone to get babe and he'd have run with him.

[ropebunnykant]

The Taming of The Shrew (Act IV, Scene IV) by William Shakespeare | The Heart Killers, Episode 6

[secriden]

There's something so wondrously momentous about Style only saying his "I love you" now, when he realises that all the secrets he was keeping from Fadel are already laid bare.

He says this a significant time after Fadel has said his (and, in the context of the wider narrative, after Kant and Bison) and for the character we have seen as prone to glibness, exaggeration and flippancy with his words, that feels incredibly intentional.

Because this confession was the only truth Style had left to give.

Fadel is finally done playing his (poorly thought out) game, done with his (already cracking at the seams) charade, done with giving Style more opportunities to pull at his heartstrings with his earnestness lies.

Fadel is demanding the truth, and tells Style exactly what truth he wants to hear.

And the thing is, there is truth in this: Style's motivations at the start were wrapped up in a deception specifically targeting Fadel.

I know we, as a fandom, harp on about Style "doing all that for a car", but something I would like us all to revisit is what Kant actually says to Style when he first asks Style to "hit on" Fadel:

Kant: You need to help me. You know I don't usually feel this way about someone. And then shortly later, after Style refuses: Kant: Hey, hold on. (Kant grabs Style's hand.) What do I have to do to for you to help me out? Should I pay you?

(Please forgive my inability to gif and watch Style's reaction to this.) Style is visibly surprised and intrigued. Kant seems to be serious about this request, and I think Style decides to test just how important it is to Kant by asking for the one thing he knows Kant will not give up.

Just look the expressions on Style's face. We didn't have the context of knowing Style back then as well as we do now, but this is the look Style gets when he's throwing out a challenge (to Fadel), when he's trying to ferret out some new insight (from Fadel), when he wants to see how someone (Fadel) will react to whatever outlandish (provocative) thing he's said or done.

And when Kant agrees, Style even checks again if Kant is serious about going through with it -- and it's this that convinces Style of the sincerity of Kant's request.

Yes, the car was a factor, and yes Style also wanted revenge and to humble Fadel, but at the centre of Style's motivation has always been a plea for help from a friend.

In episode 1: Kant: Under one condition. You have to make him head over heels in love with you. Style: I'll do it. Not just for the car, but someone like him needs to be humbled by someone like me.

But in agreeing to help Kant, Style really was damning Fadel to play the fool because Fadel's feelings (his heart) was a commodity that Style was fully willing to play with back then.

And there are aspects of truth here too. When Kant tells Style about Fadel (and Bison) being hitmen, Style decides he's done and wants out. Kant reasons that it's more dangerous for Style to break up with Fadel now, because it would look suspicious, but crucially this isn't enough to convince Style.

So Kant, once again, makes the plea to friendship and to his need for Style specifically, and it is this that causes Style to finally cave.

But in doing so, the things that Style agrees to are:

Kant: Work with me. Help me get more information about them. Once we get that, it's done. Captain puts them in jail, and we walk free.

So while Style may not be directly working with the police, he is working with Kant who he knows is working with the police. By proxy, Style is involved with the police, but in front of the empty pool, he makes it clear to Fadel just what that involvement actually entailed:

Style: Kant asked me to take you out so you could leave him alone and he could freely investigate. Fadel: What did he get out of it? Style: I don't know! That ain't my business! All I was asked of is to take you out.

And this, too, actually is true! Since finding out, Style has literally not discovered a single thing that could be remotely useful to the police investigation:

He's found out that Fadel likes to gym at night. He's found out that Fadel uses tenderloin in his burgers. That he runs in the morning before going to the market. That he attends a grief support group.

But these were all things Kant also already knew and could have given the police if it were in any way useful for the investigation.

Even his attempts to get Fadel to confess to his "other job" (something the police also already know) were clearly in service of wanting to save Fadel and/or convince him to give up the life of crime in the hopes that Fadel wouldn't have to be sent away from Style to prison.

But the truths are tangled up in misunderstandings and Fadel's own assumptions now; and also further tainted again by Bison's own hurt over Kant's betrayal. And Fadel literally cannot see -- because his eyes are filled with tears [see: @thisautistic's gifset + my tags] (good grief, Joong, the actor you are) -- the honesty Style is bleeding from the marrow of his bones.

Because the truth is that along the way Style has also found out that Fadel is a good older brother. That Fadel is still hurting and bleeding inside because his parents were murdered. That Fadel wears his favourite bands' make up in secret because he cannot bear the thought of other's judgement. He's found out that Fadel misses Style, wants Style, and hates himself for it. That Fadel is afraid to love. That Fadel is acutely aware of his own darkness and cannot comprehend an existence that would not involve someone (Style) rejecting it. That Fadel does not believe that 100% trust is possible, but that he will get himself drunk so that he can offer Style as much vulnerability as he can physically make himself give.

Because the things that Style did find out were all the ways Fadel's heart is soft and tender and precious and worthy worthy worthy of all the love Style has to give.

And Style will stand firm on this truth because this is the only thing he has left to give Fadel.

Because Fadel knows, now, all the ways Style was unworthy of his trust, but crucially has not figured out the most important truth:

Because in all the ways that Fadel has ever known he should want, Style actually IS worthy of his trust. Style knows the truth Fadel is hiding, knows what this man is capable of, knows the danger of being in his arms, knows the likely nonexistent future Fadel has to offer him -- and wants him anyway. -- Quoted from my meta post on the "One day, I'll be your 100%" line.

And as I alluded to in the tags on @yinwaring's insightful post: Style fully embodies the belief he espouses; because even in the face of a gun to his head and Fadel threatening to kill him if he will not admit that this, too, is a lie, Style refuses to give Fadel anymore dishonesty.

And this is because Style knows that the truth matters; now more than ever.

Because Style has had days to grapple with his worry after Fadel's disappearance. Style has had a week's worth of checking the diner only to face the regret he feels about not handling things differently. Style has had to recognise the terror of thinking he had lost something he never even knew he wanted in the first place.

And while Fadel had his realisation back in episode 4, Style never had to face this until Fadel vanished from his life and left a gaping hole in the shape of the absence of Fadel's smile.

So if this is what it takes, if this is the penance that Fadel demands of him, then it is a price Style is most happy to pay.

Because Fadel does not realise is that Style, too, now knows what it means to lose a love worth fighting for.

And in the war Fadel now feels compelled to wage against Style (because, yes, that's definitely still going on), the one damning thing Fadel has failed to recognised is that his only true weapon was leaving Style behind.

Which is why Style has already won. Not because Fadel's walls have crumpled again or because they don't still have a ton of things to talk through and work out (they really, really do), but because Style has already been stripped bare (and I mean this literally, like we all recognise THAT was the reason why Dunk is only in boxer shorts in that scene, right?? Like, I know we were joking about it, but seriously, that was so very intentional and a visual representation of Style being both stripped and, most importantly, freed from the lies he felt compelled to tell Fadel) and this means he has nothing holding him back.

And Fadel can wield his gun and his words and his anger and his hurt, but Style will die on the hill of the truth that he knew and understood and chose to love Fadel anyway, and saved this last confession for when he knew he could tell Fadel the truth without any lingering deception; and when the time is right, when Fadel is finally ready, Style will be there to welcome him back with open arms and, without any hesitation, an open heart.

[sunsetsover]

the more this show goes on the more i just genuinely don't get how people hate kant, or at the very least have no empathy for him and his situation.

kant is a man literally built of sacrifice. in so many ways he sacrificed his own life for babe's. over and over and over again. his grief for babe's. his education for babe's. his happiness for babe's safety and security. his social life in order to stay at home taking care of babe. relationships with partners who didn't take any interest in babe, or didn't want the baggage of a man with a dependent. whatever dreams or aspirations he had for himself fell to the wayside, at least temporarily, in favour of supporting babe.

he sacrificed his own freedom every time he stepped out of their house to go and steal a car - something that he so clearly isn't proud of at all - just so babe can get the education he deserves. the fact that he wasn't caught doesn't matter, he went to altar every single time, willing to be caught and slaughtered like a lamb if it meant babe was good.

and then he was finally caught, and he sacrificed himself in brand new ways just so he could stay out of prison. never mind the fact that kant might not have even gone to prison if it was his first offence and he played the system right, and even if he did it wouldn't have been for long. but that wasn't a chance he could ever take, because who would look after babe if he was gone, even for a few months? who would pay for school and make sure he ate? and so he stayed willingly under christ's thumb for god only knows how many years, playing whatever new versions of big brother he had to be, ingratiating himself with drug dealers and thieves and whatever other kinds of dangerous people christ wanted him to, getting himself onto all these people's bad side knowing it would only take one to figure him out and turn on him and put him in hospital, or worse. but that was a sacrifice he willingly made the moment he pulled his grieving baby brother into his arms and said 'i'll take care of him'.

and here it is, the ultimate sacrifice: christ tells kant to jump into the lion's den, promising that if he makes it out alive, he can have his freedom back. and what choice does kant have? if he doesn't they'll be back to square one after he worked so fucking hard for his and babe's stability. and babe's old enough now that kant can start having a life again, and kant's business is doing well, and things are finally good for them, but now this. and if he doesn't do this it will have all been for nothing. so he does it. essentially puts his life up as collateral once again the moment he walks through the door of heart burger and tries to seduce an assassin, knowing it could be taken from him in an instant if he missteps.

except it doesn't go as he planned, because bison is beautiful and bison is bright, and he's sweet and he's dangerous and kant can't help but fall for him, no matter how he tries to dig his heels in and think about the end goal: his freedom, his brother's safety. he says as much to style - style says bison has you wrapped around his finger and kant says i know. that's why i'm trying to end things quickly. and in that moment bison becomes yet another sacrifice kant makes for babe. or at least he's trying so hard to make him one. because what kant wants, he cannot have. not when there's babe to think about.

but it's so unfair. and it's so sad. like yes we all know it's unfair for bison and it'll be such a betrayal, but what about kant? what about his heart in all of this? what about him giggling at his phone screen like a teenager texting bison, only for the grin to fall the moment he remembers who he is and what he must do? what about him acknowledging that he's working so hard to hold bison at arms length but he's failing and that's why he needs this over asap? what about him having to be on all the fucking time, spewing out lie after lie after lie, and what that does that him? what about him being so fucking scared every time a gun is shoved in his face that he's fucked up in a way he can't talk himself out of and that babe will be left all alone in the world?

what about kant having this beautiful boy in his bed, who's kissing him in places he's never been kissed before and telling him that he loves his fuck ups, and that he won't come over because doesn't want to be a bad influence on babe, and that him stealing cars was not only not a shameful thing, but an admirable thing to do for someone you love? this beautiful boy who notices his brother is hurting and follows him to defend him from the people that hurt him without question? this beautiful boy who has asked for nothing but the truth, the one thing kant can never give him? this beautiful boy that kant is falling for, and he knows he is, and he knows he can't, because that's not allowed, because bison isn't his, he doesn't get to keep him. he's just another sacrifice in a long line of sacrifices kant has made for love, and yet this one... this one has claws. this one will leave scars that he'll get to keep longer than he will ever get to keep bison.

kant has been living with an asterisk next to his name from the moment his parents died. from then on, at every opportunity kant sacrificed who he might've been for who babe still could be. he sacrificed kant the person for kant the big brother, and whatever that included. kant the protector. kant the provider. kant the thief, the scammer, the informant. kant the manipulator. never just kant, not anymore.

but then there's bison. beautiful, observant bison who always seems to be asking who are you whenever he looks at kant. and kant doesn't know what to tell him, he really doesn't, bc whatever mask he tries to put on, whatever facade he tries to hide behind, bison just sees right through him. and although kant does everything possible to avoid telling him anything, bison always seems to get his answers anyway, even when kant doesn't say a word. like bison is collecting every splintered version of kant and putting them together to make a whole person again. just kant. no asterisk.

and kant doesn't know what to do, because bison is beautiful and he's in his bed and he has kant wrapped around his finger despite his best efforts. and yet he knows it's only of time before he has to peel himself away and never look back. let bison sit in the prison cell that was always supposed to be kant's. and despite how he might try to convince himself otherwise, he knows the guilt will eat him alive. he knows he'll feel the place where he tore them apart just as acutely as bison will. he'll have to splinter apart into a thousand versions of himself all over again. kant with an asterisk. and he'll have no one to blame but himself.

and isn't that just so fucking unfair?

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 35: Answers

You leave Jackson to find your daughters. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-34 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Canon-typical violence. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 5.4k

A/N: We are into the final arc of Yearling and we are going to see some TLOU 2 OVERLAP again. There isn't any this chapter but there will be in this arc and here's how: a character from that game will be mentioned as will the spoiler-y incident from a few chapters ago. What happens plot wise in this arc is completely separate from the game and entirely original content BUT there is that character overlap and more specific mentions of the incident and the motives behind it. If you're trying to go in blind to season 2, it might be wise to step back. Feel free to send me a DM, I'm happy to answer any and all questions!

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

It was hard not to panic when the world was ending. 

You’d lived through it enough by now, you thought you’d get used to it. 

You never did. 

“Who has them, Kyle?” You asked, holding the boy’s shoulders, searching his eyes. He was still panting for breath, still looking terrified. “I need you to focus, who has them.” 

“That man, the one who was here a few months ago but left,” he said. “I can’t… He gave me so much to remember and I can’t…” 

“Cody?” You asked quickly, even though you knew you were right, your chest tight. “Does that sound right?” 

“Yeah,” he nodded quickly. “Yes, Cody, it was Cody, he has them. He sent me here, to find you. He told me to bring you and just you back, said if we came with anyone else he’d kill them. I’m so sorry, Mrs. Miller, I was just trying to help, I swear…” 

Your head spun but you didn’t have time to try to calm yourself down or even come up with a fucking plan. 

“Did he say why?” You asked, leaving the teenager hovering in your doorway as you went to your kitchen. You found a notebook and ripped a piece of paper out of it, the pen hovering over it for a moment. Like once you wrote what was going to happen there was no turning back. 

“He said you owed him,” he said. “And he that he would collect with them if it wasn’t with you. He said you’d know what that meant.” 

You held the pen a little tighter. You did know what he meant and you knew the kind of man Cody was, what he would take if you let him. 

You couldn’t let him. 

“Kyle, go in the closet by the front door,” you said, wondering how your voice wasn’t shaking. “There’s my patrol pack in there, it has my flashlight, my axe and my knife. Get them.” 

It wasn’t going to be enough but you didn’t have guns in the house and getting one would require talking to someone else, something you couldn’t risk, not when it was Savvy and Ellie on the line. You’d have to make do.

You tried to think of what to say to Joel, the man you loved more than you ever thought it was possible to love someone like that. How did you say goodbye to someone who meant that much to you when you didn’t want to leave? 

You did the best you could, signing your name - your real one - for the first time since you’d married Joel. 

“Found them,” Kyle said as you folded the paper in half and wrote Joel’s name on one side of it, leaving the note leaning against the flowers that he had picked for you before leaving town. You looked around the kitchen, at the spot on the counter where you perched as your husband cooked for you and the table where you sat with him and took a deep breath, hoping you’d see it all again. 

“You know where to go, right?” You asked. 

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I memorized it.” 

“OK,” you said, clipping your knife to your belt, thankful that you’d just fallen asleep fully clothed so you didn’t have to stop to get dressed. You were in one of Joel’s shirts. You always were, when he was outside Jackson, when he promised to come home to you. “Lead the way.” 

You followed Kyle through the dark, quiet town. Even the Tipsy Bison was silent and you realized you weren’t sure what time it was but it had to be late, at least 3 a.m. 

“We’ll have to sneak out,” Kyle said, his voice low. “It’s what we did when…” 

You couldn’t think about it. 

“Show me.” 

There was an area of the fence, covered by a woodpile and not far from the schoolhouse, that easily pried apart, leaving enough room for a person to slip outside. 

Kyle climbed through first and held it for you to follow before the two of you scrambled for the nearest tree line, hoping that you made it out of town unnoticed. 

“How far?” You asked, looking back over your shoulder, your heart pounding. 

“Three hours, I think,” he said. “I’m so sorry Mrs. Miller…” 

“Tell me all of it,” you said, ignoring his apology. It didn’t matter now. “I need to know what we’re walking into.” 

It made so much sense when he laid it out for you. 

Savvy and Ellie had snuck out of Jackson the first night Joel was gone, the friends they were hanging out with apparently slipping out regularly. They stashed some pot outside the walls and liked to go sit and smoke when they thought they wouldn’t get into trouble, where they felt like they had some freedom. It was so typical of teenagers, it was almost funny. That even in the apocalypse, in a place like Jackson, the children found ways to rebel. Kyle and Savvy had wandered off from the group. They didn’t go far, just far enough that they felt like they had some privacy. Kyle wanted to ask her to the dance that was happening in a few weeks. 

That’s where they ran into Cody. 

He’d been nice, at first. Asking after Jackson, how things had been there. How he was thinking about trying to come back. He asked for information, enough that Savvy was starting to feel skeptical. 

And then Ellie found them. 

Ellie was worried, thinking that Savvy had been off on her own with a boy a little too long, and set off to find them. But she’d snapped when she saw Cody. She was a smart girl, she didn’t leave Jackson unarmed and she put her knife to Cody’s throat. 

He’d just smiled, something in his eyes that made Kyle uneasy, more uneasy than Ellie’s knife did. 

“Should fucking kill you right now,” Ellie had said, getting in his face. “Joel never should have let you live, I don’t give a fuck what she says…” 

“Ellie!” Savvy tried to go for her but Kyle stopped her, catching her around her waist and holding her back. “You can’t just kill him, he hasn’t done anything!” 

“Should listen to your sister, little girl,�� Cody smirked. “I don’t come back, there’s a whole new set of problems for that perfect little town of yours.” 

“Fuck you,” Ellie spat. 

“You that serious?” He asked. “Come and get me. Tomorrow night. Bring your mom.” He’d looked at Savvy in a way that made Kyle feel sick. “And get your sister on board. Something tells me she might not know the real reason I left Jackson.” 

Cody walked away then, Ellie’s grip still tight on the knife for a minute before she put an arm around Savvy and stalked back off toward town. Kyle couldn’t hear what they were saying. 

When they made it back as dawn was on the horizon, he still wasn’t sure what set Ellie off. He wasn’t sure when Ellie and Savvy came to him the next afternoon, either, to ask him to go with them to find Cody that night. 

“I want to have the upper hand,” Ellie had said. “And you already know about him.” 

Savvy looked different then, something set and angry on her face. Kyle tried to ask her what was wrong but she wouldn’t tell him. He just went along with their plan, Ellie and Savvy out for Cody’s blood and Kyle wanting to keep the girl he was starting to fall for safe. 

But they made a mistake. 

They were outnumbered from the start, Cody bringing a dozen men to capture them. Ellie killed one as Kyle tried to run with Savvy but they failed. 

“Thought I told you to bring your mom,” Cody had said. “But that’s OK. Sure we can work something out.” 

He hauled the three of them away, walking a few hours into the forest, before sending Kyle back to Jackson to get you.

It explained so much of what had happened over the last day. The cagey way Ellie and Savvy were talking in the mess hall, the way Savvy had hugged you - Ellie had to have told her something - like she hadn’t in months, the odd way they were acting when you checked on them that night. 

“How many men were there?” You asked. 

“A lot,” Kyle said. “I don’t know for sure. At least 12 to grab us, we met up with probably another dozen or so after that…” 

“Right,” you said, your heart clenching. You weren’t making it out of this. You tried to resign yourself to that, that the best you could hope for right now was getting the kids out in one piece. “Did he say what he wanted?” 

“Besides you?” Kyle asked. “No. I’m sorry, Mrs. Miller…” 

“It’s OK,” you said, trying to keep him calm. “You did your best, you stayed alive, that’s the important thing.” 

The two of you walked in silence for a while, your heart pounding the whole time. You focused on getting to the girls. That’s all that mattered. You tried not to think about what was waiting for you on the other side of it. 

“When we find them, let me do the talking,” you said as the sunrise tinted the horizon red. “And stay behind me. If you see a chance to get Savvy or Ellie away, do it. Otherwise, do what I tell you.” 

“Yes ma’am,” he said, a tremble in his voice. “I’m really sorry, Mrs. Miller, I didn’t mean…” 

“I know,” you said quietly. “Just get them home.” 

You caught a glimpse of someone moving in the woods then, just on the edge of your vision, your head whipping around to track the motion on instinct. It was baked into you still, moving through the forest alone, being on guard, knowing when you were being watched. You’d survived most of your life that way and years in Jackson hadn’t pulled it out of you. The second you realized it was a man and not an animal, you adjusted your grip on your axe with one hand and reached behind you with the other, shifting your body so you were between Kyle and the man. 

It took you half a second to place his familiar face, one of Mitchum’s henchmen who was low enough that he wasn’t allowed to touch you, a slow smirk spreading over his face. 

“Well ain’t you a sight for sore eyes,” he emerged from a fern and gave a long, low whistle. “Mitchum’s been lookin’ for you.” 

“Bet he��s been lookin’ for you, too,” your hold on the axe tightened. You wanted to kill him but you couldn’t, not when you didn’t know where Ellie and Savvy were. “Unless you’re still his little bitch. But I don’t think he took too kindly to you taking off on him to serve some other asshole.” 

“You always did have a mouth on you,” he said, trees and brush at your back starting to rustle. “But look where that got you.” 

“And you were up his ass for how long?” You asked. “Where’d that get you, exactly?” 

His eyes narrowed and you tracked where you were hearing movement around you, the sound drawing closer. Kyle’s shaky hand grabbed at your bicep. 

“Don’t think the boss would be too happy with you picking a fight with our biggest commodity,” a man said from behind you. Kyle gasped and you felt him jump but you kept your  eyes on the first man. “You know what he wants with her.” 

“And what’s that, exactly?” You called over your shoulder, still tracking where Kyle was with your unoccupied hand. 

“Leverage, of course,” the man came around to the front of you, smirking just like his friend. You didn’t recognize him. “Mitchum has the biggest operation around these parts and you, it seems, are the only thing he wants that he doesn’t have. Give him you on a silver platter? We get first pick of new territory.” 

He looked you up and down in a way that reminded you of inspecting livestock. Your stomach turned.

“Don’t really see what all the fuss is about but,” he shrugged. “Don’t really give a shit.” 

“You got my girls?” You asked, cutting to the chase. 

His smile grew. 

“So the boss was right,” he shook his head a little. “You women, so predictable…” 

“If they’re not in one piece, I got no reason to leave you two idiots alive,” you snapped, losing your patience. You needed to see your daughters and you needed to see them now. “So if you don’t want my axe in your goddamn chest, you’re gonna take me to them right fucking now.” 

He licked his lips. 

“Might get the fuss a little more now,” he said, stepping close to you. He knew he had you, knew that you wouldn’t do anything that would risk Savvy or Ellie. “Gonna need that axe and knife and anything else you got on you or the boy. Then we’ll see if we can’t find your girls.” 

You narrowed your eyes but surrendered your weapons anyway. 

“Mrs. Miller…” Kyle whispered but you shushed him. 

“I’ll keep you safe,” you glanced behind you toward him. “Stay calm and do what they tell you.” 

You turned your attention back to the men in front of you, more emerging from the trees now. 

“If you’ve hurt either of them, you have no idea the shit storm you just brought down on your heads.” 

“Not much of a threat without your little toys,” he looked them over. “Something tells me we can take you just fine unarmed.” 

“Cody tell you what I did to the men who tried to catch me last time I got out?” You asked, brows raised. For half a moment, there was a flash of concern on the first man’s face. You nodded to him. “He knows. Take me to my girls before you find out first hand.” 

The second man quirked his jaw before jerking his head in the direction you’d been walking. 

“Keep up.” 

You only needed to follow them another 15 minutes or so, your heart pounding the whole time. Eventually, you came upon a clearing, a fire dying at the center of it with Cody standing right behind it, watching you approach with a satisfied smirk on his face. 

“Hey there baby doll,” he said, prowling around the fire to meet you. “You don’t look too happy to see me.” 

“Where are my daughters.” 

He ignored you, like you hadn’t spoken at all. 

“You’d think that, after last time, you’d learn…” 

“Where are my daughters.” 

“…that you should at least pretend to be grateful when you see me…” 

Your patience was gone. If he didn’t have Ellie and Savvy, there was no point to this. No point to his game, no point to trying to make it out alive. You needed to see them and you needed to see them now. 

The man at your left had a handgun in a holster on his right, one he wasn’t paying close attention to, his hands on his rifle that was strapped across his body. You, on the other hand, had paid attention. 

You went for the gun, moving fast enough that he didn’t know what was happening until he felt the tug of you pulling the weapon from his side, turning to face you with a frown on his face after you freed the revolver, pulling the hammer back as you raised it and pulled the trigger. He dropped, Kyle screaming in shock at your back, and you turned the gun on Cody, pulling the hammer back again. 

“WHERE ARE MY FUCKING KIDS!” 

You could feel every gun and eye turn to you as you fought to control your breathing, the sound of birds taking flight the only sound beyond the echo of the gunshot and your scream. But you knew they wouldn’t shoot you, not when you were apparently so valuable to their boss and their boss was still breathing. And if they were smart, the wouldn’t hurt Savvy or Ellie, either.

“You know you wouldn’t make it out of here alive,” Cody said, stepping closer, until the barrel of the gun was in his chest. 

“You think that matters if they’re gone?” You asked, brows raised. “If you killed them, all that matters is that I kill as many of you as I can before you take me down and I’m a damn good shot. So. Give me my daughters or another one of these fuckers dies.” 

He gave you a cocky smirk and whistled. There was rustling somewhere you couldn’t see but, after a moment, three men brought out Savvy and Ellie, bound and gagged. You clenched your jaw but stayed still, eyes ranging over them as quickly as you could, looking for all signs of injury. They were still dressed, a good sign. Ellie had a cut at her forehead, Savvy had a bloody bandage at her arm. You clenched your fist on the revolver. 

“See?” Cody said. “All in one piece. Now, hand over the gun before we have to change that.” 

Ellie’s eyes went wide and she shook her head at you, frantic, but you ignored her.

“Untie them,” you said, gun still in his chest. 

“Gonna need a little more incentive than that,” he said. “I know how you are with people who do you favors…” 

“Untie them,” you said again, pulling your eyes away from the girls to meet his. “Let me talk to them, make sure they’re OK, then let them go with their friend. And I mean let them go, your men stay where I can fuckin’ see ‘em. You do that? I’ll do whatever you want.” 

“Whatever I want?” He asked, looking you up and down. 

Your stomach turned. 

“You heard me,” you spat. 

He mulled it over for a second before smiling, cocky. 

“Deal,” he said, jerking his head toward one of his men. They moved to untie Savvy and Ellie. “I’ll take that gun now.” 

You lowered the weapon and turned it around in your hand before holding it out to him, handle first. He took it. 

“Good as you are, don’t know if I ever thought your pussy was worth all the fuss Mitchum made over you,” he said, handing the gun to one of his henchmen. “But damn if it ain’t fun to watch you break.” 

“Mom!” Savvy was freed first, running for you and throwing her arms around your neck. You clutched onto her, clinging to her, breathing in the scent of her, floral with a hint of apple and hay and gunpowder. “I’m so sorry, Mom, I’m so sorry…” 

“It’s OK,” your voice was thick and you tried to focus on how she felt in your arms so you could hold onto that memory before stepping back from her. “Are you OK? They touch you?” 

“I’m fine,” she sniffed. “They got my arm a little but…” 

“They haven’t touched you since you’ve been here?” You asked, brows raised. “No one’s hurt you or…” 

“No,” she shook her head. “No, they tied us up but they haven’t done anything.” 

“Good,” you nodded, brushing her thick curls back from her forehead. “That’s good.” 

Ellie approached you cautiously, like she was waiting for you to yell at her but you didn’t. You didn’t even want to, there was no point to it. Instead, you pulled her into your arms and held her tight as she pressed her face into your shoulder. You tried to remember her, too, the daughter who came into your life so late and that you desperately wanted more time with. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, voice thick and wet. “I thought I could handle it, I thought…” 

“S’OK,” you said, stepping back from her and looking her over, too. Her lip was split and the blood at her forehead was dried, the cut there scabbing over. “Ellie, I need you to listen to me. You’re in charge, OK? You’re going to get Savvy and Kyle back to Jackson…” 

“But -”

“No,” you said, harsher than you really meant. “This ain’t a discussion, this is me telling you what you’re going to do, do you understand me.” 

“I can’t just leave you here!” Her eyes were wide and desperate and you forced yourself to be calm. 

“Yes, you can,” you said, taking her by the shoulders. “Ellie, the most important thing you can do right now is take care of your sister, do you understand me?” She nodded. “You get her and Kyle back to town. You’ve patrolled, you know how to do it safely. Get them there. That’s your job, they are your responsibility. Promise me you’ll get them home.” 

She looked like she wanted to argue but you held her tighter. 

“Ellie,” you said. “Promise me.” 

“But…” 

“Promise me!” You yelled it, loud enough that you saw Savvy flinch out of the corner of your eye. 

“I promise,” she said, crying now. 

It was like a weight lifted. You knew it was hours back to Jackson but, if Ellie actually kept her word, they’d make it. They would be safe. That was all that mattered. 

“Thank you,” you pulled her in for another hug, kissing her cheek as you did. “I love you so much. Take care of yourself and your dad for me, OK?” 

“I love you too,” she breathed. 

You gave her a final squeeze and went for Savvy who was fighting back tears. 

“Mom,” her voice was thick and wet. “I can’t…” 

“Yes, you can,” you said gently. “Go with Ellie, do what she tells you and you’ll get back safe. Listen to Joel, stick with school, find your place in Jackson. Have a good life, OK?” 

She shook her head. 

“I don’t want to do it without you,” she’d given up on not crying now. “I tried to before and I don’t want that, you need to be there, Mom, I need you, I…” 

“Savvy,” you said, holding her face in your hands, brushing her tear-streaked cheeks with your thumbs. “Everything I’ve done for as long as you’ve been mine has been for you but you don’t need me now. You’re all that matters. You get back safe, you have a good life with people you love. You do that and I’ll have done everything I needed to do. So give me that, OK?” 

You didn’t give her a chance to reply, just pulling her in close and holding her there, kissing her cheek as you did. 

“I love you so much, baby girl,” you whispered. 

“I love you, too,” she said. 

You stepped back and looked at them for a moment before casting a glance at Cody. 

“They need weapons.” 

“That wasn’t part of the deal.” 

You rounded on him. 

“Give them weapons,” you said through clenched teeth. “Or I’ll kill as many of your men as I can between here and Mitchum.” 

He smirked a little before jerking his head in the direction of one of his men. They surrendered knives you recognized - ones you were sure Ellie and Savvy had come here with - and your axe. 

“Better get going,” Cody said. “Before I change my mind.” 

You just nodded and watched them go, Ellie and Savvy looking back at you as long as they could, Ellie pulling Savvy along side her as they went. You kept looking at the place where they’d been long after you couldn’t see them anymore. 

“Alright Doll,” Cody said eventually, stepping forward with cuffs in his hands. “Wrists together. Not about to risk you changing your mind on that deal. You’re a little too valuable and it’s time for me to cash in.” 

***

“Joel.”

Tommy sounded desperate. Joel ignored him. 

“You can’t just take off…” 

Tommy’s hand came to Joel’s shoulder but he ripped it off, rounding on his brother, moving quickly and decisively and backing the younger, smaller man into a building. 

“You tryin’ to tell me I can’t protect my family?” Joel towered over him. “You gonna try and stop me?” 

“Can’t do shit for them if you run out there hot headed,” Tommy said, his eyes darting over Joel’s face, like he was watching a wild animal. “You can’t help them if you’re dead, you need to wait, you need a plan…” 

“I have a fuckin’ plan!” He didn’t have time for this. “Get my girls back. Don’t try to fuckin’ stop me.” 

“Joel,” Maria’s voice was behind him, calm and collected. He turned to face her, ready to go through her, too, if he had to. “We have everyone out looking for them, there are no fresh horses because we sent everyone we had as soon as we could. We’re looking for their trail but they could be anywhere. Wait until we have people back to go with you, wait until we know where they went. If you run off now, you’re only going to make it worse. You’ll waste time. Give it a few hours, Joel.” 

“A few hours?” He bit out. “You want me to sit here for a few fuckin’ hours while that monster has my wife and kids? Expect me to let him hurt them for hours while I fuckin’ wait?” 

Maria didn’t have a chance to respond, the sound of chaos at the gate sending the three of them running for it. 

Joel reached it just as three horses rode up. It took him a moment to realize they each carried more than one rider. His heart pounded. For one second - a glorious, peaceful second - he thought everything was going to be OK. That they’d found you and the girls before anything bad happened, that he was going to be able to hold the three of you close and never let you go again. 

And then he realized that you weren’t there. That you’d gotten the children you shared with him back but you hadn’t made it. 

“Joel!” Ellie jumped off her horse before it had fully stopped. “Joel, he has Bambi, we have to go get her, we have to.” 

She threw her arms around his neck and clung to him and he could feel her taking shaky breaths. 

“It’s OK Baby Girl,” he said, holding her close. “I’ve got you, you’re OK.” 

“We have to go get her,” Ellie said again, frantic as she pulled back from him. “We have to.” 

Joel, Tommy and Maria led the girls and a trembling Kyle to the clinic. Ellie and Savvy didn’t wait for the doctor to be done looking them over as they sat beside each other on the exam table, the story spilling out of them quickly. How they’d lied to you and snuck out of Jackson the first night he was gone. How they’d run into Cody in the woods. How Ellie threatened to kill him and Savvy didn’t understand why. How he told them to come back the next night with you. How Ellie had told Savvy everything she knew about what happened to you. How Savvy wanted to leave then and there to take care of it and Ellie had to make her wait, confident that they could handle him. How Ellie had killed men like him before, how she was sure she could do it again. How they got help from Kyle to be sure. How it had all gone to shit the second they were too far from Jackson to get help. How you’d come for them, how you’d sacrificed yourself to get the three of them out safely. 

How Joel knew that’s exactly what you would do. 

Because of course you would. It was exactly what he would have done. How would you have done anything else? 

“We need to get her back, Joel,” Savvy was crying, pleading. “We can’t leave her there with him, we can’t, please…” 

Joel looked between the two of them. He wanted to scream. He wanted to ask why. Why had they snuck out? Why had they tried to take matters into their own hands? Why had they put themselves in such danger? Didn’t they know, if they failed, you’d have no choice? That you would do anything for them? That he would, too? 

But yelling and questioning wouldn’t do any good. What was done was done. Taking his fear out on them would only make shit worse.

“I’m gonna get her back, Baby Girl,” Joel said. “I’m gonna bring her home.” 

He turned and gave Tommy a look, half begging for help, half daring him to stop him. Tommy just squared his jaw and gave him a single, firm nod. Joe returned it and the went to leave, but Ellie stopped them, catching them on the porch of the clinic. 

“I’m coming, too.” 

“No,” Joel shook his head. “No, you’re stayin’ here…” 

“No,” she said sharply, a fierce look in her eyes. “I’m going. I can help, I know…” 

“It don’t matter,” Joel cut her off. “Not putting you at risk…” 

“I don’t care about the risk!” She snapped. “You can’t just expect me to sit here on my ass while she’s out there…”

“You think she’d want you gettin’ hurt for her?” Joel grabbed Ellie by the shoulders and held her tighter than he should. “She took care of you by…” 

“By cleaning up a fucking mess I made!” She yelled before closing her eyes for a moment, a single tear slipping down her cheek. She took a deep, centering breath before opening her eyes again, voice calmer now. “I never had parents, Joel. I never had anyone who loved me like that until you and then she showed up and she didn’t have any fucking reason to care about me like that but she did. She’s my mom and I got her hurt because I tried to handle shit on my own. I’m not handling it on my own now, I’m handling it with you. I know what you’re capable of. I know what you’re going to do. I’m telling you that I don’t want to be here when you do it, I want to be with you. I want to get her back and I want to make him fucking pay and I can’t do that from Jackson. So are you going to let me come with you or are you going to make me sneak out and try to handle this shit on my own again?” 

Joel looked to his brother. He’d done shit like this more times than he cared to count but only twice with stakes as high as this. Every time, it was either alone or with Tommy at his side. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do what he normally did with Ellie there. He’d be worrying about her, watching for her, protecting her. 

But they were out numbered and Ellie was a strong rider who was smart and good with a gun. 

“She’s an adult, Joel,” Tommy said hesitantly. Joel could see in his eyes that he was thinking about William, if he would let his son do something so reckless if he had any say. “And she does a good job on patrol.” 

Joel took a deep breath. 

“You gotta listen,” he said. Ellie was already nodding quickly. “Do what I say so I can keep us all safe. I tell you to get back to Jackson, you do it. If you’re a liability out there, you’re makin’ things worse for her, not better. Got it?” 

“Yes.” 

“Repeat it.” 

“What you say goes,” she said, watching him closely. “I won’t fuck up, Dad. I promise.” 

In another time, another place, Joel’s heart would have soared in that moment. Just knowing that Ellie saw him the same way he saw her made him feel complete in a way he didn’t realize he was missing. 

But he wasn’t able to enjoy it. There was another vital piece of him that was gone, one he was going to get back if it was the last thing he ever did. 

“OK,” he said, looking at Ellie. “Let’s go get your mom.” 

Next Chapter

A/N: Figured we'd kick off the more feral part of this fic with some Feral!Bambi. Don't worry, Feral!Joel fans, he's up next ❤️ As always, thank you so so much for reading and for sticking it out with this fic! I know it's been a long one. I'm glad you're still here. Love you!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust @ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost @beccerjune @mumma-moonchild @netonetoneto @mellymbee @purplelye @n7cje @flugazi @evyiione @randomhoex @aliengirl99 @orcasoul @reds-ramblings @pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel @jenispunk @panda-pascal @sarap-77 @flugazi @your-slutty-gf @daniegraceg @partyofone3413 @cumberpegg @noisynightmarepoetry. @fifia-writes @grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123 @ashleyfilm @arizonadreamingg

[livingdeadmlm]

You Bring Me Closer to God pt4

Pronouns: The reader is referred to as a man. 

Physical Sex: AMAB. 

How far are things going?: Just some flirting from each of the men! The next post will explore the dreams they have about the reader. I’ll also try to fit in a sweet moment if I can. If anyone has ideas about what each man might be into, let me know—your suggestions really help my writing! 

Warnings: I feel this is a bit rushed, so I'm sorry about that!!

Outline: As the readers begin to understand who these men are, he struggles with the fear he feels he should have, but instead, he feels the urge to shelter and care for these outlaws. Arthur comes in tonight to share what's on his mind, and his behavior shifts slightly. 

What inspired me to write this is: the awful priest romance book I picked up. 

Other: Yes, this is a harem fic! Each man desires you and lays it on pretty thick! The dreams they have about reader will be it's own post!!

Part 1 2 3 4

There was no alone time with you and the man who greeted you after your nap. A small sigh of relief went unnoticed by everyone as you scanned the room. The church hadn't been this full since you started working here in Valentine. You felt somewhat nervous at the number of people; for many years, it had been just you and the occasional visitors who stumbled by while you cooked, along with Mickey when he'd show up again.

Mary-Beth led Karen and Tilly to the back room, where Sister Agnes had set up books and other activities for when she stopped by. They were giggling all the way and waved to you.

Hosea sat at a table with Javier and Kieran, exchanging small talk. The smell of cigarettes was slight in the air. Suddenly, a gentle hand rested on your shoulder, causing you to jump slightly. Your heart racing, you placed a hand against your chest and turned to find Charles standing there.

“Oh! Hello, Mister Smith! You startled me,” you laughed off your brief fright, the sound a little breathless. 

“I brought you this; I thought you could use it tonight.” His other hand held out a carefully wrapped package, thick cream-colored paper cradled in his large hand. You took it from his hand, unwrapping it to reveal beautiful red meat.

 His hand lingered on your shoulder, warming you with his touch. His proximity gave you a small, unexpected thrill. Perhaps he was just being polite, but the moment felt charged, and a flutter of something deeper stirred within you.

“This will work beautifully, Mr. Smith. Thank you for the generous donation,” you said, placing your hand gently atop his warm one resting on your shoulder. It felt electric, and you were sure no one had noticed the intentions behind your action; just paying the favor back and getting to touch Charles was just a plus.

“Father (Name), do you need any help with dinner?” Kieran perked up, his eyes almost pleading to help. He had asked so many times that you started to think he was a busybody, always needing to do something, even when relaxing. Charles's hand left your shoulder, landing at his side as you thought about a possible job for Kieran. 

“Sure, Mister Duffy, could you wash off the potatoes?” You suggested, trying to quickly distract from the lingering warmth of Charles still spreading through you. Practically leaping into action, Kieran grabbed the sack from the ground and moved it to the medium-sized sink the church had installed. 

The bison chuck settled on the counter as you bent slightly to guide Kieran through washing potatoes. Your fingertips brushed against his hand when you noticed him struggling to keep hold of the potatoes. 

If looks could kill, Kieran would've been six feet under weeks ago, but especially now, there would be fresh dirt on his grave as each man observed the subtle touches of your hands over Kieran and how the sides of your hips were pressed together. 

You explained how to peel the potatoes without cutting his hands, and it suddenly dawned on you that you weren't wearing your cooking apron! There was no way you'd risk dirtying your cassock by unconsciously wiping your hands on it. The skirt of your cassock slightly lifted as you spun to grab your apron. 

You pulled the fabric and admired it. You had it for many years, and it was a faded gingham pattern in your favorite color. Your hands, like clockwork, tied the apron behind your back with no complication. “You’re a capable man, Kieran; I’ll work on the bison now.” 

“Of course, Father (name)!”

The cream-colored paper crinkled in your hands as you fully unwrapped it. You couldn’t help but admire the chunk of meat; the color was beautiful. Of course, you’d seen meat fresh off the bone living in Valentine, but bison wasn’t processed here. Any time it was donated or brought into town, it was when an outside vendor stopped through. 

Your trustee skillet pan was heating up on the stove for a pan sear cooking of the meat.

Looking at the thickness of the meat and the number of people, you could fry it in quarter-inch slices to have plenty of extra. The knives in the church had never been the sharpest, and you had put off sharpening them for so long that the task was tedious. But when the knife slid effortlessly through the meat, as though cutting through silk, you couldn't help but smile in surprise.

The idle chat behind you continued as you worked; the chatter helped you work. Most nights were silent, and while it was nice to have a peaceful night, a room full of people and talking was more than welcome. Had Father Gavin taken the time to sharpen them for you?

The sound of voices behind you swirled softly in the background, blending with the rhythm of your work. Most nights, the kitchen's silence would settle, a peaceful solitude, but tonight, the hum of conversation felt like a warm embrace. You welcomed it even more than you expected.

“Ay Father (Name), are the knives working better? You guys had them so dull.” Javier's voice was much closer than the seat he was previously in as he crossed his arms and leaned next to you. “Oh! I didn’t realize you had done this, Mister Escuella! I had been putting off sharpening them for so long I thought Father Gavin had taken care of it for me.” Javier glared for a moment, upset and almost offended that his efforts would’ve gone to the likes of Gavin. 

“When you left this morning, I thought I might as well clean them up for you.”

 His attention to knives shouldn’t have been surprising when you remembered his scarred hands—the small cut scars littering his fingers. You looked at your hands, cutting the meat, comparing them with Javier's. It looked like you had never done a day's work, even if that was the farthest thing from the truth. 

His presence made you nervous, as you were almost done cutting the meat strips. You were sure the knife was sharper after Javier had worked his magic than when you first purchased it. You placed a pot on another burner, tossing in some salt and waiting for it to boil to make mashed potatoes. 

Four pieces of meat could fit in the pan, with butter and a few herbs to taste. The pan's smell quickly mixed in the air, overtaking the tobacco scent that filled the room. 

"You’ve got a way with food," he said, his voice barely more than a whisper now. "Doesn’t just come from a recipe book, does it?" You flipped the meat in the pan. 

“Well, in seminary school, I had free time to work with the nuns for a few cents a day, picked up some things from them, and showed me plenty of cooking tips and methods. To keep the most people fed and satisfied!” you glanced up at him. “It’s like pouring a little piece of your heart into every dish. I think that’s what makes my food taste good.” Javier raised an eyebrow, taking a moment to think before speaking. “So, that means you taste good?” You stumbled over your words, “I… I’m just saying that the food is made with love. It brings people together,” your voice flustered.

 As you moved to stir the herbs into the pan, Javier’s eyes were fixed on you, the warmth radiating between you both palpable. “It brings us together,” Hosea mused behind you. You peeked over to see him smiling softly. Your eyes returned to the stove as you finally saw the pot boiling harshly. 

“Oh! Kieran, how are the potatoes?” You left the meat to cook to join Kieran at the cutting board. A slight grin was on his face as he showed that he was practically done washing and peeling. 

“Great job, Kieran! You did amazing for the first time you’ve done this.” You took a different knife from the drawer and easily sliced through the potatoes, cutting them in fours as you added them to the pot. 

The rest of the cooking went smoothly, roasting carrots with rosemary and thyme sprinkled on them and mashed potatoes with butter, ground salt, and pepper. Of course, the meat was the main attraction; it had all your focus as you plated each meal.

The women, especially Karen and Mary Beth, came out of the room commenting on the smell. They insisted that it practically lured them out as they stood and waited to make a plate. 

“Here you ladies go!” You handed each woman a plate with a big smile. They looked at you, stunned. “Wow, thank you, Father (Name)! What a gentleman!” Tilly had a big smile as she turned to sit in the pews. “Those fools could learn a thing or two!” Mary-Beth and Karen followed, paying you their compliments and following to sit in the pews as well. Mary-Beth whispered, ‘See! I told y’all things would be changing for us women!’ 

You were always polite, or at least tried to be regarding food. Whoever ate first depended on the guests you had. If there were children, they got their meal first, then women, then men. No matter what you ate last, you knew where to find a hot meal you could afford. You didn’t know if the people who came in also had that guarantee.

You sat a plate in front of Hosea, a slight thump against the table before you spoke, “Is Dutch not joining us tonight?” Hosea placed a cloth napkin over his thigh. You smiled, turning to pray over your food before digging in.

“I don’t think so; he wandered back to camp with Arthur after mass.” Your heart leaped into your throat. Eyes snapping open to your clasped hands over your chest. Your whole body was tense; it couldn’t be Arthur; indeed, Arthur was just a common name. It was so common that there were two separate newcomers with different names. One with affiliation with a gang passing through town and the other… you couldn’t even kid yourself. 

You were feeding, housing, and even dreaming of these violent outlaws. The ones in Arthur’s stories, the ones you heard horrifying tales about. Part of you knew how you could not subconsciously connect the dots. 

You knew who these men were, but that made no difference in how you should treat them. They were men like you, and in this building, you wouldn't treat them like criminals; they get enough of that everywhere else. 

A nervousness stirred in your stomach. Yes, you would treat them like normal men. Knowing their history, you should have been running for the hills. It was foolish to think you’d somehow be safe. But your feet were planted firmly, unmoving. Running from these men who had done nothing to harm you went against everything you had been taught. You couldn’t contradict the lessons you learned in your twenties.

You were the biggest fool. 

But Arthur’s proximity and your complete ignorance of him made you feel naked and exposed. Had he seen you as you walked through town, down by the river, or at the saint's hotel? Had he watched you perform mass? Was he someone you had bumped into or waved at politely? 

Did he notice the flush on your face when Javier teased you or the innocent look of Kieran as he eyed you over? The thought that you could have been no more than five feet away from him, with no confessional wall between you, was overwhelming.

You stared at the counter, which was covered in patterns of blue and white tiles, a few sprinkled with swirls and flowers. “Aw well, that’s… too bad. I hope they can join us soon!” Your hands unclasped as you reached for your plate. The plate was warm in your hands as you sat at the table between Kieran and Charles. 

The potatoes practically melted in your mouth, and the fresh bison paired delightfully with the roasted carrots. There was a hum of bliss next to you as Hosea took his first bite. 

You felt something against your boots. Taking a subtle glance down, you noticed Charles's boot against yours. The knees were not quite touching, but they were close—not enough to draw anyone else's attention. 

“Thank you again, Mister Smith. Without the meat, I’m not sure what I could’ve come up with today!” Charles waved his hand between bites, “I’m sure you could’ve come up with something without me.” 

You wiped your mouth, “Nonsense! And thank you, Mister Duffy. It’s very kind of you to offer to help me so often.” Halfway through his food, Kieran's big, wide eyes sparkled at the compliment. 

He smiled and said, You're welcome, the smile never leaving his face. “Of course, Javier, thank you for checking and sharpening the knives! Very thoughtful.” 

Tilly entered the kitchen doorway with a nervous look, holding her plate. “Father (Name), is there any extra food?” Mary-Beth peeked over Tilly’s shoulder, and your heart swelled with happiness.

“Of course there is! Let me help you with that.” You reached for Tilly’s plate, standing up to serve her. The metal plate felt cold, and you noticed a few bites of bison fat left, which you scraped off before preparing a new serving for Tilly.

Mary Beth held out her plate, which had two carrots remaining. You chuckled as you saw the small line behind her, including Karen and Kieran.

As the evening went on, everyone began to yawn and sway with sleepiness. They bid you goodnight and took their leave, but not before you packed the leftover food for the road. The bison from Charles was more than enough, and you knew they would make better use of the leftovers as a group than you could as one person.

After everyone had left, the kitchen fell into a quiet stillness. The only sounds were the soft clinking of utensils being cleaned in the sink and your gentle humming.

You heard the bell ringing—a sign that someone had entered the confessional booth.

Footsteps echoed softly across the hardwood floor. With quiet resolve, you prepared yourself for the visit. The door of the confessional booth creaked with a groan as it clicked open and shut, and you settled onto the grim wood of the booth. You had always intended to buy cushions to soften the harshness of the bench. The only reason you hadn’t sooner was a particularly stern bishop from your past had insisted that the discomfort served a higher purpose in God’s favor, that making the sinner uncomfortable was part of the process. It left a bitter taste in your mouth when he would say that.

“Good evening, Father,” came a familiar voice solemn in tone. “Good evening, Mister Morgan. “What brings you in tonight?” you replied, noting the subtle pause that followed and the rustling of paper that broke the silence.

“I know a man who lends money,” he continued, his voice weary. “He sends me to collect for him, and it doesn’t feel right. The people I’m taking from—sick, desperate, foolish—it's foul work. I hate doing it.”

His confession hung in the air, heavy with regret. You remained silent for a moment, allowing his words to settle into the quiet of the booth before responding gently, “Did something happen with this job recently that made you bring it up to me now?”

“I went to collect from a man here in town,” Arthur's voice cracked with the weight of shame. “Thomas Downes… I went to collect, but by the time I got there, he was already dead.” The mention of Thomas made your heart drop. You had known him—kind, humble, though proud to a fault. The thought of his death made your stomach churn. You and the church had tried to help him in the past, but he’d refuse most days. He only took food and necessities offered to him when he couldn’t find another way. 

“I felt relief when I found him dead,” Arthur's voice wavered, “Relief that his debt was no longer a burden on his family or me. But then I saw his boy, and... the look in his eyes, Father... like I was the devil himself. I guess, to him, I was.”

“Death can throw any of us in a spiral. Reminds us we can die at any time.” You’d seen plenty of death; the cemetery was just outside your door. The funerals and wakes you'd oversee through the years were in high numbers for a small town. “I was just surprised, I guess, Father; I’d seen him before when I was out drinkin’ would’ve killed that Tommy if not for him.” 

“That was you, Mister Morgan? You’re the pretty boy who beat Big Tommy?!” 

“Pretty boy? That's the part you heard about?” You could hear the pout in Arthurs's voice as you laughed. “All I heard from Miss Walker and Miss Moore was that some new rough and tough dream boat in town fought him. Never would’ve guessed it was you, Arthur.” Your tone was teasing. You felt bold and almost breathless when you could make such a comment.

“Arthur? We’re on a first-name basis now (Name)?” A small huff left your mouth. An odd duality existed with you and your title. Of course, it was one you had worked for and earned. Hearing it was nothing new. But it seemed you'd be flustered and stumbling no matter how Arthur said it. 

“Names have a way of changing things, don’t they?” Arthur’s voice was low, almost intimate now, as if he’d allowed the walls between you to slip just a little. You felt the change, too—how the conversation shifted from heavy confessions to something lighter yet somehow more meaningful.

“It does,” you replied softly. “Guess that means we're not just strangers anymore,” he said, and despite the weight of his words, there was a certain warmth in his tone, as if he was testing the idea, letting it settle between you both. You couldn’t help but smile, feeling a gentle tug in your chest. 

“I suppose it does.” Your voice was softer than before, a softness you didn’t often allow yourself. The formality of your position—the title that had defined you for so long—felt less significant now, like something that could be quietly set aside in light of this connection.

“Is anything else happening recently?” you asked, remembering when you shared a booth with Arthur. Back then, his stories were filled with a rougher edge—tales of picking fights or provoking trouble. But today felt different; he had two stories to share. The first was light-hearted—he went hunting with a friend, likely Charles, given the mention of bison. And how he heard of a friend who he thought was dead being very much alive but in custody. 

“I hope he makes it home safe; being stuck in a cell is horrible!” You didn’t want to ask how he’d be home when Arthur said he wouldn’t come by tomorrow. 

“What were you up to in town today (Name)? I saw you leaving the hotel in a hurry.” you shifted in your seat, hearing the slight scratch of a pencil on Arthurs's side of the booth. 

“I went to have a bath and get my sheet cleaned! I ended up enjoying the bath far too much and was almost late for mass.” You sighed. You knew the others in the church didn’t mind you finally taking time for yourself, but it felt rude when people were there expecting to see you. 

“I have been to that hotel a few times, rent it out for a night to sleep in a real bed.” You hummed, noting that he didn’t have a ‘real bed.’ 

“Speakin’ of I must get goin’ (Name) duty calls.” there was a soft ripping noise under Arthur's low voice. 

“Goodnight, Arthur. Be safe out there.” 

“Goodnight (Name).”

You stalled behind in the booth, taking in the small noises around you. Arthur's retreating steps as he left. The chirping of crickets just outside of the church, and if you strained your hearing, you could slightly hear the piano from the saloon playing a happy tune. 

The confessional door swinging open cut through the air. The hinges were so squeaky these days. There was a flutter from behind the door. When you shut the door entirely, you saw a folded paper on the floor. It was a thick piece of paper you tucked into your hands. Retreating to your room before opening it.

There was a drawing of you. You gasped softly, your breath hitching in your throat, and your fingers traced the delicate lines of your features on the paper. You were careful not to smudge anything, treating the artwork with the reverence it deserved. 

It was as if someone had taken a photo of you without your knowledge. The shading in the drawing made you look soft against the buildings. Taking in more of the art, you saw Arthur's signature at the bottom. A.M. and a small heart at the bottom of the M. 

Warmth bloomed in your stomach as you sat on your bed, still admiring the drawing. You put the drawing on your bedside table and tuck yourself into bed. The heavy quilt over your body adds a comforting pressure. 

You were giddy as you slipped into sleep. Imagine the drawing over and over again in your head.

The usual nighttime routines began on the other side of the train tracks on Horseshoe Outlook. Some were sitting by the fire, picking at Pearson's overcooked food, others were playing at the poker table, and some were aimlessly wandering around, getting ready for bed. 

Mary-Beth, Tilly, and Karen sat around the campfire with Charles and Javier. Dutches music is playing nearby. 

“When I was around town today, I heard something interesting about that Father (Name).” Every man glanced over, the game of dominos stopping momentarily between Hosea and Arthur. Javier's strumming slowed, and Charles continued to work on his arrows with Kieran.

“Don’t tell me, is he some sort of evil man under that little cape he wears?” Karen laughed, taking a swig from her beer bottle. Tilly waved her hand, laughing, “Well, Mary-Beth and I thought it was bizarre how there are hardly any people at the church, even for free food. We asked these few men at the saloon, and apparently, when Father (Name) first came to Valentine, he very much preferred the company of men.”

Heads perked up, “What kind of men?” Kieran's voice sounded too excited as the question left his lips. 

“See, now that’s the thing—we were hearing all kinds of different answers! Some said a fellow altar boy came with him to Valentine; others claimed it was the former bishop.” Mary-Beth interrupted Tilly: “But then I started hearing it was some handsome ranchhand, a stable boy, or some sort of traveler or hunter he was seen sneaking around with.” Tilly cut back in, “A few of the fellows in the saloon were sayin’ it was men who went to the church; he’d put moves on them during mass, married or not!” 

“And he didn’t mind swaying his hips for older men, neither!" Their voices began overlapping as they dropped information. “I think I heard he’d even flirt with the rich men in town into donating more money!” “One of the workin’ ladies said she heard of him takin’ in men down on their luck for “Favors.””Mary Beth used her fingers to do quotes. 

“Now, there's no way girls as smart as you believe that.” Arthurs's voice broke the silence, “You’ve met the man who practically bends backward to help anyone. Could’ve been a misunderstanding!” Mary-Beth clicked her tongue, “Well, true or not, people in town haven’t forgotten about it.” the fire crackled, leaving everyone in their thoughts. Each man couldn’t believe what they heard; there was no way you were capable of it. At least at your age now. But for you to do it 20 years ago? Well, they just didn’t know you then. 

The most they knew about you from 20 years ago was the photograph of you and other church members when you first arrived. You aged fairly well, and your serious face in the photo didn’t scream that you were some deviant at the time.

Everyone turned in for the night, tucking themselves in, but sleep would be restless for the men of the camp, each of them plagued by an odd dream….

[florbexter]

Anything with FadelStyle ❤️

a study in patience [AO3]

Style found Fadel in the kitchen. Bent over the worktable, his hands pressed onto the shiny surface. If Style didn’t know him better, he would think he was sleeping while standing.

Style observed him for a moment. The vibes were off, but not in a dangerous way. More in an ‘I can’t believe this is my life' way. He quickly searched through his memories, but he hadn’t done anything the last couple of days that would make Fadel behave like that.

Had he gotten a one-star Google review?

“What’s up?”, he asked and stole a pickle.

Fadel moved slowly. Just his head. The frown between his eyes was there again and Style knew it was the Bison frown. That man had a wrinkle for every one of his loved ones. Not that Style would count himself as one of them. Not yet anyway. But he worked hard for his very own line on Fadel’s face.

“Just,” Fadel started and then straightened and looked up. Was he thinking about not telling Style? Style leaned his back onto the worktable. Now he was curious.

Wait. If it was about Bison and Fadel looked like he had been forced to eat a lemon that could only mean one thing.

“What did they do?”

Fadel sighed, and then his face twisted.

“Ooooh,” Style cooed. “Did you catch them again?” He wiggled his eyebrows. “In flagranti?”

Fadel made a disgusted sound.

“What are you angry about? You know they’re together? What? Do you think they only hold hands?”

Style had no siblings. He wouldn’t know how he would react if one of them suddenly became a fully formed human with desires. He liked to imagine himself as the cooler older brother. He would buy them condoms and shit.  

“No. It’s just…” Fadel sighed again. “They…” He moved his hands around and Style was delighted about this turn of events. He didn’t think Fadel could be so flustered. He was normally very matter-of-fact about sex.

“They had toys,” Fadel said, and it sounded like someone had forced those words out of him via torture. He sounded like Style wanted to make him talk about his feelings. Again.

Style frowned. “And? Like we did that one time—”

Fadel stopped him with his raised hand. “No. Specific toys. For a specific type of… you know.”

“Sex?” Oh, this was golden, Style thought. But what kind of toys was Fadel implying? That one time Kant and he had hooked up it had been pretty vanilla.

“Oh wait,” Style moved, a huge grin on his face, “like kinky toys?”

Fadel looked like Style had shot him. His expression said it all and Style had to laugh.

“No way. Kant and Bison? Wow. I mean… now that I think about it. Bison looks like he would like to slice you open for schmexy sexy times.”

“Style…”

“But Kant?” Style pursed his lips. “I didn’t think he was the type. Good for him.”

“Please, shut up."

Style laughed even harder. Fadel sounded like he was in pain. Had he known how to get to him like that, his whole approach would have been way more fun for him. Fadel was open about sex or so Style got the feeling from the amount of sex they already had. From outdoor sex to… outdoor sex. They had a lot of sex outside of their beds, now that he thought of it.

“What got you so worked up about it? That they have sex? That it’s kinky? That Kant knows how to give up control?”

He chuckled. It was funny that he immediately thought Bison was the one in charge. Little gremlin.

“You think Bison is in charge?”

“Mhm? Yes.” Style munched on another pickle.

The frown on Fadel’s face disappeared, exchanged for a blank expression.

Oh.

Style was quick, but Fadel was quicker. He grabbed Style’s wrist, yanked and had him crowded against the stove in seconds.

“Hey.” Style was more upset about the pickle he had dropped than being all up and close with Fadel. That was always nice.

“You want to be in charge, too?” Fadel asked.

Style smiled, wide and bright.

“I’m always in charge.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Hell yeah.”

There was a thing Fadel did, that Style thought he wasn’t even aware of. First, he tried to hide a smile. Most of the time he was successful with that but at the same time, he didn’t seem to notice that his eyes got soft. He looked at Style through hooded eyes with no frown on his forehead or between his brows.

“You want to tie me up, mhm?”

Style couldn’t answer because someone cleared their throat in the general area of the door. They both moved, still standing close and Pearl, the temp Fadel had hired, looked at them annoyed.

“There are a bunch of customers waiting for their food,” she said, sternly.

“And we’re working very hard to cook it for them,” Style answered.

Pearl wasn’t moved by his smile. She squinted her eyes at him threateningly and maybe Fadel had found a long-lost sister.  

“Food will come right up,” Fadel said and turned away from Style with deep-red ears.

“Tonight then,” Style whispered, gave him a clap against his butt, winked at Pearl and then got the hell out of there because he had the feeling both of them carried knives to stab him with.

[beegomess]

Dark Paradise || Theodore Nott

Don't forget to watch the previous chapters

21. Somebody's watching me

The weeks passed, and Rony took courage and returned the photo to Theodore's book during a quidditch training. The boy sneaked into Slytherin's locker room, keeping the image back in any book in Nott's closet.

Y/N had already gotten used to the disappearances of Toast, who could now protect himself from other cats. This time, Y/N was barely seen even by her friends, she was really focused on her studies lately, spending hours she had free in the school library, hardly meeting them, with the exception of meals.

- Oh, Y/N, let's go. You're almost not seeing us, you need to distract yourself a little. - Daphne said to her friend as they got ready for class. Daphne and Pansy were inclined to convince the girl to go to Slytherin's Halloween party. Malfoy fixed her tie facing the mirror while the two girls were behind her, with big eyes.

- I'll only go if you promise to stop talking about it. - She answers impatiently, picking up some books on the bed. The two friends celebrated with the answer and went to class.

The girl would obviously go to the party, but she used to cheer up when this date approached. However, this time, she was really so busy worrying about studying the NOM's that she simply forgot the date.

The insistence of her friends, in turn, was given by the pressure that Theodore had been putting on both of them asking if Y/N would go or not, but they would not tell this part, the boy made them promise.

There were few things that could frighten a witch child who usually sees and does bison things in his daily life, however, to maintain a normal school ritual, Hogwarts decorated the school and promoted gymkhanas and a dinner on Halloween nights to keep the playful children alive even in tense moments in the wizarding world with the possible return of Voldemort.

Thus, the classes that day had an atmosphere of anxiety, both for children anxious for games and dinner, and for teenagers anxious for parties in their communities after dinner.

In exchange for some little help in his note, Y/N spent the day helping to organize the games and muggle movies with teacher McGonagall, in addition to practicing her magic by decorating the classrooms and corridors and defining the dessert menu for that dinner.

It was Y/N's idea to show some children's horror movies in some classrooms, however, she didn't think about the boring side of this task when she suggested it. The movie should have a free rating and should not insult the magical world in any way, demonizing them or putting them as bad things, that is, the selection was really difficult and time-consuming, consuming your whole day.

- I hope it's worth having done so many things, I'm dead. - The girl said, throwing herself on the sofa of her communal already decorated by her too.

- Don't worry, she certainly saw your effort. - Astoria tries to comfort the girl.

- Miss. Malfoy! - Snape's flating cape enters the place, making the teenagers present there straighten up.

- Yes? - Y/N gets up and tries to look presentable in her tatted clothes.

- Professor McGonagall told me that you were helping her, so she lent me you to help me today. - Y/N's face flarted into an even worse discouragement. - Miss will be responsible for delivering the letters to Slytherin students today. Wear a costume and introduce yourself in McGonagall's room as soon as possible. - The man was already leaving the place, when she interrupts him.

- Sorry, teacher, but I thought who was responsible for this was Gisela. - Severo turns around, pointing a superior look at the girl, who immediately regretted having questioned him.

- Does Miss want me to ask another student? But he will evidently take all the credit for the points Minerva promised him. - Y/N shrank slightly.

- No, Professor Snape, I'll be there. - Snape looked at her satisfied, leaving and leaving the Slytherin friends alone again. - Merlin, I did everything to not have to deliver these letters. - The girl snorted, turning to Astoria and Mattheo, who accompanied her there. - I'll get ready, I'll meet you at the party after dinner. - The girl said goodbye to her friends and then went to the dormitory she shared with Daphne and Pansy.

[...]

Theodore was coming home from his quidditch training when he found little Toast, next to the door of his room, as if he were waiting for him.

- Hi little friend, what are you doing here? - The boy bends down to take the feline in his lap, who starts purring immediately. Nott decides to take the animal inside his dormitory while taking a shower, after all, the castle was too busy to leave it outside.

Some time later, Theodore thought it was better to take him to Y/N's dormitory and ask her to lock him up at least for that night. Nott walked through the cold corridor of the dormitories, listening to a music increasing in volume as he approached her door. Y/N had put it loud enough to be heard from the shower, but now it wasn't really necessary to be at that volume, since she had already come out of the shower some time ago, just winding up and killing time.

- Y/N! - Theodore used one of his hands to knock on the door, while trying to speak as loud as possible, but it seemed in vain. - Y/N! - he called again, but still no answer. - I'm going in! - The boy then opened the doorknob slowly for fear of seeing some of his friends without clothes. The cat in his hand hid in his chest with the noise that increased when the door was open.

Before looking for anyone in the room, Theodore pointed the wand at the object that emitted the sound, using magic to minimize it, relieving the feline's senses on his lap.

- I thought you were going to get ready later. - Y/N was on her stomach with her legs bent swinging back and forth in the middle of the messy sheets, the girl heard the noise of the door slamming and the sound slowing down not worrying about looking at who it was, after all, it was probably Pansy or Daphne. The girl had a book in her hands and didn't take her eyes off it for a second, after all, she would read just one more page and get ready. Yes, maybe she said that 5 pages ago, but now it would be for real.

Theodore follows the noise of the voice stopping at the girl lying on her own bed without knowing that it was he who had entered, after all, if he had known, he would probably have covered himself. Nott froze when she saw that she wore only a small black lingerie on her lower body and a tight and strapless blouse. Merlin, he was losing control quickly with her lately, and that was the last straw for him to feel his blood boil quickly.

- Uh-hum... - The boy clears his throat, and Y/N widens his eyes freezing completely. Shit, maybe she should have looked back before.

- Oh, hi, Teddy. - The girl turns around and sits on the bed, trying not to look nervous about his presence there. - I see you found Toast, where was he? - Y/N had a gentle smile as she got up to pick up the cat on her lap.

Theodore took a long time to answer, the boy was focused on Y/N's body so close to him and later his hips swaying slightly as she moved away with the cat to where her food was, turning her back to him. Y/N lets out an anal laugh when she turns to him again and notices Theodore's trance, who in turn felt his pants tighten a little more than before.

- He was in my hallway. - Nott decided to answer before she got closer, the boy didn't want to look weak, but it was too late. Y/N was no longer feeling embarrassed, and she liked the fact that she left Theodore unconverted so easily. - Well, I have to go.

- But so soon? - Y/N got a little closer with an innocent smile on her face.

- I'll see you later, Y/N. - Nott just left and slammed the door.

Theodore quickened his pace, walking quickly and only stopping when he was locked in his room completely alone. "Damn, why did I act like that?" was one of the frequently asked questions in his mind now.

Would Y/N be the first girl to make Theodore Nott really nervous?

[...]

The heels of the white boots echoed in the corridor while the long sleeves of the lilac dress that opened like a subtle bell mouth on the wrists flocked with the walking movement, the Y/N skin goosebumps from time to time with the wind she felt coming in through the V-neckline that revealed enough of her bust, the green scarf around her neck was too thin to really warm something.

The other accessories, such as the tiara of the same color as the dress, just adorning the hair and pearl earrings, gave the answer about what Y/N dressed up on that Halloween. The agreement between her and Pansy was to go from characters from a Muggle cartoon, however, popular among wizards as children. Pansy would go to Velma while Y/N was to Daphne from Scooby Doo.

The girl already occupied her post at a table at the exit of the Great Hall. Letter delivery was a common activity in events like this in Hogwarts. A mailbox was at the door of each communal room, receiving anonymous letters to the wizards of that house. The letters went to the mailbox magically, that is, it was always full.

However, what Y/N discovered later was that things changed at the last minute, and she would just stay at a table waiting for people to pick up the letters destined for her, since all the letters from all the houses would be distributed by her, and in the end, if any letters were left, she would go after the people delivering them personally, this meant free access to all the houses for one night.

- Many letters for me? - Pansy supports both arms of the table and Y/N sees that the girl is finally tidy. She didn't even see the time pass, with the amount of people she talked about until that moment.

- Wow, you look wonderful, Pans!

- A real hot nerd, isn't she? - The brunette boasts in a joking tone.

- Absolutely yes. - Y/N gets up, turning around the table, waving to Neville Longbottom, who would be in her place for a few minutes if she needed to eat or go to the bathroom. - Let's have dinner, in a little while I need to go out there delivering the millions of letters that were left. - The two girls entered the great hall as soon as Naville takes his post at the table.

Y/N hasn't seen Theodore since the incident in his room earlier. At this point, the three girls laughed about it while Y/N told Pansy and Daphne, who was already waiting for them at the place, about the strange way Nott reacted to her.

After dinner, the girl took the leftover cards and went to the communal ones, after all, at this time the parties with drinks and loud music were already starting in the houses, which means that probably no one would come for letters. And it was through the girl's entrance to the Gryffindor communal that Fred and George gave simultaneous nudges to Rony who was sitting between the two brothers on the couch. For Y/N, it was really different to see the Gryffindor communal so full, dark and noisy, in addition to the clear and well-known smell of alcohol.

Rony's eyes shone when he saw her coming towards him with a gentle smile, for him, it was as if she was walking in slow motion. In fact, she had a pile of cards for some Gryffindors.

- Something for me, dear? - Fred asked cheekily, which made Y/N frown in confusion for the nickname, but she shuffled some letters and took out two envelopes delivering them to the red-haired boy.

- For you too. - She hands an envelope to George, taking four more and looking around. - Where is Potter?

- I can give it to him. - Rony gets up trying to get the girl's attention.

- I have express orders to deliver by hand. - Y/N pulled the letters to himself. - However, I imagine you know where he is.

- Of course, follow me. - Rony grabbed the girl's hand, crossing the excess of people there.

- They grow up so fast. - Fred sighs with a malicious smile to George, who just laughs at the insinuation.

Y/N delivered the letters to Harry and Hermione who was next to him had also received them.

- Who sent you this? Yourself? - Rony disdains the girl who looks at him possessed, Y/N decided to intrude this time.

- For your information, many boys asked me about Granger today. - Rony immediately shrinks while Hermione strange to be defended by the girl. - Well, I'm on my way. - Y/N moves away from the two boys, but when she gets to Hermione's side, she stops and says something in her ear, stirring up the curiosity of Granger's two friends who watched everything. - Don't let him treat you like that, don't forget that you received three letters today and he didn't receive any. - Y/N whispers and leaves the place. Hermione catches herself laughing at something Malfoy said and immediately composes herself.

[...]

When he finally finished the delivery of the letters, Y/N joined his friends in his communal, meeting some students from other houses on the way to his group. Theodore wasn't there, but Y/N decided to enjoy the party anyway. The girl drank and drank a little more.

Y/N hadn't realized that Theodore had already arrived and was watching her from afar, the boy wasn't even close to his friends. He was just leaning against a wall drinking without taking his eyes off her. Y/N had a marijuana cigarette given by Riddle between his lips while having fun and laughing while dancing with Draco a song that apparently both knew the whole lyrics.

At a certain moment, the girl saw him and approached him with those eyes that could consume him quickly. Nott still wouldn't admit it, but he would do anything if she asked nicely. She no longer had the cigarette between her lips, only the smell of the drug mixed with the girl's perfume intoxicated Theodore's thoughts in a few seconds.

Nott was surprised by the naturalness with which she ran her hands inside her jacket, looking directly into her eyes with a face of someone who was plotting something.

- Theo, can I ask you something? - The girl says next to Nott's ear, which made him shiver, but nod positively. - Why did you leave my room so quickly today? - Y/N had a face as if it were an innocent question, but his body denounced his intentions.

The soft lip between the teeth released slowly, the eyes up reaching every expression of Theodore. And, noticing that he was hypnotized again without answering, she lowers her hands to the bar of the white shirt that the boy wore under the leather jacket.

- Didn't you like what you saw? - She provokes more, this time with her hands dragging through the hot and tense body that she wanted so much at that moment. Theodore sighs and smiles maliciously in response.

- Do you really want to know? - He grabbed Y/N's hips harder, turning her and resting her back on his chest, squeezing where his hands used to rest, and pulling her body closer to his, causing her to sigh with the growing pressure in her ass. The girl nodded positively to Theodore's question, anxious to feel her breath so close to the skin of her neck. However, she realized that Pansy was approaching the two, but that was just another reason for Theodore to provoke her. - You were wearing tiny panties and a blouse that seemed to be almost opening so tight that it was on your breasts, Y/N. And fuck, your perky ass like that made me imagine that you were waiting for me, love. - Y/N swallowed dryly when she felt her legs melt and her panties soak, while Theodore seemed to get more and more pressed against her. Merlin, that was too much.

Pansy didn't come to talk to her, she just passed by Y/N, which made her sigh in relief. The girl turned again to Theodore, who approached her mouth to kiss her, but she walked away and just brushed her lips lightly.

- Teddy... - It came out almost like a whisper against his mouth.

- Tell me what you want me to do, love. - Theodore moved his hair away from Y/N's neck, distributing light kisses there, going back up to the girl's ear again. - I'll do anything you want, love, just say it.

- Merlin, Theo, I just want you to fuck me until I forget my name, please... - Y/N had a pulsating need under the dress, which made her say things she wouldn't say at other times. Theodore smiled against her skin, moving away and staring into her eyes.

- But maybe another time, amore mio. - Theodore put a lock of hair behind her ear, which had a more confused face every second. - Well, now you know how I felt earlier today, don't you?

Y/N formed a frown on his face, but quickly set up a plan in his mind. She wasn't going to wait long to get what she wanted.

- All right. - Nott was surprised by her quick acceptance, getting one foot behind her. - Can you take me to bed, then? - The girl asks with her big eyes again. - I'm so tired. - She pretended a yawn.

Theodore nods and passes his arm around the girl's waist as they head to her dormitory talking and laughing. Nott just didn't know that that night was reserved especially to make him feel uncomfortable in his own clothes.

_______________________________

next chapter>>>

xoxo, bee🫶🏼✨

[hurlumerlu]

As a fellow enthusiast of The Labyrinthine Workings of Kant's Deliciously Fucked-Up Mind, what are your thoughts on him STILL not coming clean about why he's scared of the ocean? Arguably, that could've be the perfect moment to be truthful about it because a) sympathy and b) demonstration of honesty, so I'm interested in his thinking. I'm not at all mad about it, because it gives me faith they want to treat it with the gravity it deserves and that it will be revisited later in a meaningful way, but I'm curious to hear what you think!

Also curious as to whether the invoking of penguin in this ep (I gather ppl had mixed reactions to this but I loved it - thought it was such a beautiful show of trust, and when partnered with Bison's exact words about using it from ep 3 - 'Let me know as soon as it's too much' - it becomes utterly heartbreaking) gives you more or less confidence that they'll also revisit the BDSM?

Oooooh, that is such a good question! I don't think I have a definitive answer for now, as I haven't thought about it very deeply (also I just woke up), but my gut reading of it follows three axis (and sorry. this got long. how did it get so long. why am I so verbose.)

Kant simply doesn't wanna look at it. That's the first thing I landed on and honestly the reason I didn't even wonder why he wasn't talking about it. It's just not his style! Early in the show I said that trying to write Fadel's pov is both interesting and challenging because there are many things he simply can't look at or he'll never stop screaming, and I think this is yet another thing he and Kant have in common. Kant is sociable and very sexually active, so he doesn't register as repressed in the same immediate way Fadel does, but he is! He's been dealt a shit hand in life, and he's known for a while that how he felt about it would never meaningfully change his situation ; so while he can't exactly stop having those feelings, he can (and does, all the time) chose to set them aside. It's very human tbh: no one can stare their grief in the face 24/7 and survive. But yeah, it took Kant waking up disoriented on the deck of a boat to actually look at what happened to him as a kid, and that was an extraordinarily unpleasant moment for him. So if you put him back on solid land? He's just gonna say no thanks! This is why I must say I'm not sure they will actually revisit that trauma in depth, but I personally wouldn't be mad about it. I don't think Kant is at a point in his life where he can do that work, especially since they still have so many things to worry about. However I can totally imagine him casually mentioning it years down the line, and Bison going "I'm sorry, WHAT" and Kant saying "oh we don't have to make a big deal out of it" and Bison being like "yes we do Kant. holy fuck." TLDR: Kant is very much a "if I don't touch my feelings they can't hurt me" kind of person, and that might be what he's doing there.

Kant doesn' want to make this moment (the beach vacation torture session) about his hurt. It's about soothing Bison's pain! It's about aknowledging the damage he caused, showing that he's sincere in his desire to make up for it, and proving to Bison he's worthy of trust! (this isn't not linked to the safeword thing, btw.) And we can be mad about him prioritizing Bison's needs over his own, but "devoted to a fault" is just how Kant rolls, and now that he doesn't have to keep that side of him in check when it comes to Bison (Bison who is, at this instant, very emotionally vulnerable), of course he's going to indulge. He doesn't want Bison to forgive him out of pity and compassion for his past circumstance. Does he even want Bison to forgive him? I mean, yes, obviously, but forgiveness isn't the main goal here at all. getting another chance is. I think he wants Bison to put his broken heart in one side of the scale - with no mitigating factors to lighten that weight - then Kant's sincere devotion and love in the other, and then judge for himself. And I think Kant's is very confident that his love and devotion will outweight the hurt, and that Bison just needs some time to accept that. But in the meantime he's not gonna fish (haha) for sympathy, and I don't think it occurs to him that the plane crash is even something to be honest about (after all he never lied about the plane crash. that would probably require looking at it.) but even if it was I don't think he'd believe that's the honesty Bison needs right now, as it has nothing to do with their relationship. In fact the only time he really mentions something that isn't part of their relationship, it's Babe, and I don't think I need to explain why Babe is the exception. TLDR: Kant said "this isn't about me, this is about my boyfriend's hurt feelings and saving my marriage."

The one I'm way less confident about: I'd say (and this is related to point 1 but still a separate thing) that Kant finally feel like he can turn over a new leaf. All the things that he was running from caught up to him, and it should have killed him, it certainly felt like it was killing him, but it didn't. Immersion in water symbolizes a cleansing of the soul and/or a sheding of past identities in many cultures, and Kant emerged from the sea with the absolute proof he was loved. That's bound to make a man want to look toward the future! Add to this his gradual realization that what he was doing wasn't actually efficiently helping Babe, which culminates in him admitting that Babe will be independant very soon, and you get someone who's more than willing to let the past be past. Now, obviously irl he would still probably need to adress his trauma, but as a character? I'm not sure he does. And at this moment I think he's kinda basking in that feeling of rebirth, despite everything. (There might also be some Buddhist element in that reading, like the idea of letting go of past hurts, rather than give them power over you by obsessing about them, but I am not Buddhist and know very little about Buddhism so. idk. do NOT quote me on that) TLDR: Kant did not dwell on the past because he is, symbolically, moving on from all the bad shit in his life.)

Thus conclude my thought on the question! I shall now release that post into the wild, where it perhaps will catch the attention of fellow Kant appreciators who might add to it crunchy thoughts of their own, and - oh, wait. There's a second part to this ask.

Okay, so, the thing is I am not the best person to weight in on the safeword scene, because I tend to have very knee-jerk reactions to how safewords are used in fiction. It's one of my numerous bdsm related pet-peeves, and I've been trying very hard not to inflict my rants on the subject on people who didn't ask, and. *deletes one of said rants* I will be strong and not get into it. I do personally think it was silly, but not in a bad way, simply silly like a lot of the show is silly, like a hitman tying a guy to a bed with promises of pain and then introducing himself as "the cutest waiter in a burger joint" is silly: just because something is silly doesn't mean it can't also be meaningful, or even kind of heartbreaking. Personally, it did not hit me nearly as hard as the "Hi, I'm Bison" moment did, because 1. that's a tall order and 2. see the "kneejerk reactions to the use of safeword in fictional settings" part of this paragraph. But I did find it remarkably sweet! (and just to make sure no-one gets their own knee-jerk reaction reading my post: safewords are useful in many settings and necessary in many others, including fictional ones. i am not disparaging safewords. carry on.) So my very instinctual answer to "does this scene give you more or less confidence that they'll revisit the BDSM?" is well, they went somewhere I didn't particularly want them to go, so how can I trust they'll go somewhere I actually want them to (ie, more BDSM)? (Not to mention that the safeword use could technically function as a sort of bookend: they opened the BDSM talk with it, they could close it the same way. It would not be very satisfying to me, but I have to reluctantly admit that it wouldn't be bad writing.)

But if I take a step back from my own feelings... well, I don't know. I don't know, because until now this show has not followed the usual scripts for BDSM in media. Pretty sure I've already been over some of the things that I've loved so far, so I won't go back on them, but my point is that it's been breaking some old molds, and while I appreciate it, it makes speculating a lot harder. What I will say, though, is that BDSM has been woven into the KantBison plotline in a way that allows it to really underline the various themes of that plotline (trust most of all, imo), so why drop it when we still have four episodes to go? Especially since the writers do seem to care about it enough to not just follow clichés.

And like I said, you could argue that the safeword scene do bookend the BDSM "arc" quite well - from the two of them agreeing on a safeword that can't really mean anything since one of the participants is partially having sex under pressure, to them using the safeword in a non-sexual setting to convey that they can actually be trusted to respect boundaries and, in the case of Kant, can be trusted to set boundaries. Like, it does make sense!!! But wouldn't it make even more sense, and be even sweeter, if we went from a scene gone wrong to a scene going right? Maybe the safeword scene wasn't so much the bookend as it was the climax of the BDSM arc. In which case I do believe they will put bow on it later. A nice little epilogue to it. So yeah, I don't know, but I see no reason to just assume they'll drop it. With still four episodes to go, I believe each couple will get one more (if perhaps only slightly) sexual scene before the end of the show, and I hope they'll put the BDSM there. But even if they don't, it's not like the show has been shy with sex jokes and little allusions so far, and I really don't think they'll stop. Wether that's enough or not will be a matter of taste.

Well, I started this post saying I had just woken up, and it's now time for lunch. I hope this isn't too jumbled, and that you'll find something for you in there. A sincere thank you for being interested in my thoughts! With any luck it will also spark conversations, and we'll both get to read more Kant meta.

[massy2ly]

Just wanted to talk about something real quick (EP 8 Kant’s edition)

*this is a personal opinion. I know the discussion about Kant is still controversial*

I see so many comments about how shocked people are by the preview for episode 8, especially since Kant and Bison seem to come to some form of understanding with each other. Some posts insist that Bison shouldn’t fold so easily and that Kant should grovel hard to win his love back.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for some groveling in any book or show. There’s something so compelling about that kind of raw, desperate vulnerability. But with Kant? I just don’t think that’s necessary—not in the tedious, slow and over-the-top way that some people are expecting.

Why? Because Kant has been suffering since episode 1. This man has never been allowed to breathe freely, to be himself fully, or to love unrestrained. The pressure he’s been under is honestly maddening if you really stop and think about it. And on top of that, he’s been forced into situations that pushed him to make choices he never wanted to. This is why I don’t think the typical "groveling" people expect fits his character, especially in his relationship with Bison.

When Kant stood on that boat, looking completely defeated, it wasn’t just the threat of death that crushed him. It was everything he had been through, all his struggles coming to a head. He was staring down the very real possibility of dying the worst death he could imagine—at the hands of the man he could never truly love, the one person he would never get to have a future with. This wasn’t just about facing death; it was the weight of every sacrifice he’d made and the horrifying realization that, despite everything, he was losing everything—including his chance to love Bison without fear. So yes, Kant will definitely grovel in episode 8, but their reconciliation happening quickly actually makes so much sense for his character. No more secrets, no more pretending. He finally gets to be himself, confess his love, and face his sins. For someone who’s fought alone for so long, having someone by his side to fight with—not just for—is everything he could ever want.

The trailer already shows that Kant will help Bison turn over a new leaf, and that’s huge. Kant has always been carrying everything on his own. Now, for the first time, he’s going to have someone to fight alongside him. And that shift is monumental for his growth. Remember First’s interview when he said Kant is selfless, that he wants nothing more than for his loved ones to be happy and to see their dreams come true? People often think he’s selfish, and while he often comes across as that, I personally don’t think it’s the case. That selfishness is a result of the impossible situations he’s been forced into AND ESPECIALLY his tendency to make VERY VERY stupid decisions without thinking them through. Nothing he’s done has ever been for himself (a hot take I know and i’m still debating it too because I won’t forgive him for putting Style in danger).

While Style jumped headfirst into his feelings for Fadel and took every opportunity to explore them, Kant refused to acknowledge his own because he knew he couldn’t have that kind of future. He couldn’t imagine a life where he and Bison could truly be free to love each other.

But let’s not forget Bison. Yes, he’s impulsive, passionate, and his temper can get the best of him. Yes, he’s been betrayed, and he has every right to decide whether or not to listen to what Kant has to say. But Bison isn’t just a hothead. He’s a man with his own scars—he’s a criminal, his only family is his brother, and he’s made difficult choices to protect the people he loves. And he loves Kant. He knows Kant loves him, or at least, he will come to realize it.

Style, as optimistic and goofy as he is, has been keeping it real this whole time. Love is their way out. People do foolish things for love, and when you love someone, you’ll do anything to get that person. That’s the kind of love Kant and Bison have too. And in the end, love will be what saves them.

[risingsoleil]

Man, I can’t stop thinking about this ask you got a few days ago about Lin having a daughter that looks like Suyin and how much angst potential it has!

Little-suyin look-alike thinking her mom doesn’t love her, or at best love her least out of her siblings, because of potential bonding issues!

Lin and Su Look-Alike getting into a heated argument about something and in the heat of the moment Lin accidentally calls her daughter Suyin!

Lin and Su Look-Alike having a great time together and it makes Lin reminisce about happier times with her baby sister before their relationship fell apart

So many juicy scenarios to play with, I love it!

Yes, so much angst potential if Lin had a Su-twin kid

If we're gonna go angsty on this one, her daughter feels like Lin doesn't love her. It just feels like no matter how hard she tries to connect with Lin, there's something blocking that.

Her mom can't get into dancing too much

Her mom hasn't trusted her even though her daughter has proven to be extremely responsible

After that argument she has with Lin, she sits in her room and looks at all her things with tears in her eyes.

"I don't belong here..."

And so she makes her decision that night.

She doesn't take much with her and almost startles Oogi awake. Su-twin is an airbender (no tattoos yet) and has her own sky bison to slip away.

The next morning, Tenzin finds her letter and wakes up Lin at the crack of dawn.

"Lin, you need to wake up. Right now! She's gone!"

She's still sleepy. "What are you talking about?"

"She ran away."

Lin snatches the letter from him, not believing a single word he's said.

By the time you read this, I won't be in Republic City anymore. Please don't follow me or try to find me. I'll manage. I've finally learned that I simply don't belong in the family. I'm finally giving you your happiness. A life without me. I tried. I really did. I'm sorry for being a burden. For being a mistake. For being everything you never wanted. It's better if I'm gone. Life without me is better, and now I understand that. Goodbye.

Lin has tears streaming down her face, and she wastes no time trying to go after her daughter and figure out where she went.

Hours become days.

Days turn into weeks.

Weeks have become one month.

Lin is worried sick about her daughter. She's trying hard not to think about the worst possible scenario - death. As a mother, she would feel if something happened to her child. But her emotions are chaotically everywhere, perhaps she's overlooked her own intuition to hold onto a delusional hope.

Lin sent out a message across all nations to share to her daughter, and she hopes that she can hear the message.

"Please come back to me. I'm sorry. I love you."

[fandomfanservice]

The Heart Killers Fandom, we made it to Wednesday 🥰🥰🥰🎉🎉🎉🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾 (the struggle was real)

Anyway Episode 9 really said, all the heart truly needs and wants is Bullets and the Beach to be healed and full. 💯

The following is mostly a Style & Fadel appreciation post cause why the hell not!

🛍️🔫🦸💪🏿🥼🔫🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒🌊🏩🌊🥏🌈

Though for a second there this fan did think Fadel’s ego would win😉😂

Oh Style, what can we say that we all haven’t said and then said again!!! Your fearlessness and need for fashion excellence in any situation knows no bounds! He really thought I can save my man✅ and run-faster than a bullet (B+ for sheer effort)👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿. Now we all know why this statement exists

Of course Style didn’t even blink when he gave his hitman boyfriend a list of your entire family to remove from existence if he, I repeat, he makes another mistake. Like my guy are you sure?!

But how about the family you clearly love!😂😂😂😂

JoongDunk were both exceptional in this episode especially cause of the powerhouse that is FirstKhao delivering and then slaying. This fan still can’t watch JoongDunk😚😚😚😚 but otherwise 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿

Whilst this fan loves, loves, loves First! Kant got off lightly (yes you read that correctly). He definitely should have had a few more of these from Fadel. We know he still wants too😅🤣

At least that was my initial take until Bison’s “loving” exposure therapy 😳🫣🫣, poor guys😂😂😂

Moving on, you know Bison is now Style’s biggest fan, you can just see him thinking his crazier than me and I love that. I will go to ends of the Earth for this guy…lol. Poor Fadel, who hasn’t know any peace since this guy walked or should I say crashed and danced in, can only watch and hold on like his sanity depends on it😜 …….. “thoughts and prayers”

Fadel you sweet man, I have a very strong feeling you weren’t ghosted.

So fandom, this fan is feeling more spoilt than Bison 🫣 with all the sweetness and vulnerability!

Pleased to see the Khao-la is back 😉

Are we ready for inseparable partners trying to stop doing crimes with crimes? 😂😂😂

In P’Jojo we trust!

As always credit and thanks for the gif owners and creators.

💝

[ropebunnykant]

i've said it before, but i truly feel like a lot of the hate towards kant really comes from a place of people not understanding him and why he's handling everything the way he is. like i feel like at this point, more people understand his motivations and the fact that he's doing all of this to be able to raise babe, but i feel like the disconnect is now coming from the way he's handling it all.

and like, i understand that everyone has different interpretations, but one thing i have never been able to understand and get behind is the idea that kant, at any point, didn't feel anything for bison. we see before kant gets blackmailed by christ, before he is told that bison is an assassin and he needs to get close, that kant clearly felt something real on his and bison's first night together. you can make the argument about it just being because they had really good sex, and i'm not saying that wasn't part of it, but the thing is that when kant is laying there, daydreaming about bison with that silly smile on his face, he's not thinking about just the sex. yes, we get a shot of that too in his little daydream, but we also just get bison at the bowling alley. and kant tells style that bison didn't stick around as if he's disappointed, and again, sure, you can make the argument that he just wanted to make a fuck buddy out of bison or something like that, but style is teasing him about it in the same way a friend teases you about a crush - and style knows kant and his fuck boy ways better than anyone, so it's obvious this isn't just the way kant acts when he has good sex with someone.

but then captain christ calls. and kant is given this job that he has to do. this isn't an option, he doesn't have a choice here. it's do this job for captain or he brings back his car theft charges and he looses custody of babe. you can argue about his tactic in getting close, sure, but the truth is i don't think kant trying to be bison's friend would have even worked, nor would it have likely made much sense because they had already slept together.

and again, i've said it before, but a lot of the reason that kant was able to be convincing with everything in the beginning is because while sure, he was definitely playing things up, he also did always have a real interest in bison. kant isn't a good liar. we've been shown this time and time again, not just with bison, but with fadel and even with style. if kant hadn't had any interest in bison to begin with, he wouldn't have been able to fake it so easily. there's just no way to me that he didn't have some amount of interest from the beginning.

his interest has always been real. the problem has always come in with the fact that kant knows it can't be.

and i think in the beginning, it was easy for him to justify it, to brush it off. to tell himself "it was just good sex" or "it's just a crush" because as much as it may be real, kant needs to to be a lie. he needs to be faking it, be lying through his teeth, because none of this is real! he can't approach bison in a way he otherwise may, he has to be over the top. he can't win bison's heart naturally, he has to wiggle his way in, he has to lie and cheat and manipulate, he has to pay off his friends to help him and drug him to get information. it can't be real because even if it is, he has to do these things anyways. even if it's real, he won't get to keep him in the end. it's either bison gets locked up or kant does, and if he's the one in the cell, then there's no one to take care of babe.

so of course kant pushes away and ignores every bit of feelings he has until he can't anymore. of course he ignores the way he redraws bison's cat tattoo for him when he doesn't have to. he ignores the fact that maybe he does actually like it when bison hits him, that maybe they are the perfect match. he ignores the little kiss he gives bison despite him being totally out of it. he ignores the note he has in his phone of all the things bison likes, the things he dislikes.

until he's sat in bison's room and he sees pictures of the northern lights and thinks "he has dreams, just like babe does."

until bison calls him his boyfriend and he giggles like a teenager with a crush.

until he's in the shower and can't stop thinking about bison giving him his heart and the way he doesn't deserve it.

until style calls him on it, tells him what he already knows but can't be true, that bison has him wrapped around his finger.

until bison is telling him he loves every story on his body. until bison is kissing his way up his skin like he's something beautiful and precious but he's not. because bison says he loves the parts of him he thinks are ugly. but would he still if he knew? would he still look at kant with all that love, all that vulnerability, if he knew it was built on a false start? would he still find those parts beautiful, too?

of course kant doesn't think so. of course he has no reason to believe bison would forgive him. how can he expect that when he can't even forgive himself?

so it's better, isn't it, to just get it all over with? to do what he needs to and try to live with himself once it's all over? to let himself love bison for just one night because he'll lose him either way after that, won't he?

that's what it is, for kant. he can't keep bison. no matter how much he wants to. no matter how real any of it is.

[secriden]

Style in episode 4 made me soft in a way that I truly did not expect. I’ve used the word “guileless” (def: innocent and without deception) before to describe him but I don't think that has been shown more clearly then in this episode.

He tries to be manipulative and lasts for all of one single morning and then comes running to Fadel the second he hears about Fadel asking about him. He's so excited, so exuberant at the thought that Fadel misses him, so happy that his little (terribly obvious and juvenile) plan worked.

Which is why I think he was genuinely taken aback when Fadel only had harsh words for him as a reply (this is not a criticism of Fadel; in this he has been consistent. Doesn't mean they weren't hurtful though). Look at the way Style's grin slowly dies. Watch the way he straightens and backs away a bit, like he wasn't expecting the clawed swipe of Fadel's dismissal.

But Style is resilient. He's tenacious. We see him rally and steel himself to resume his pursuit: because Style is nothing if not determined to hold on to the thinnest thread of hope that he's breaking through Fadel's shell. And can I just take a moment to get emotional about Style offering forgiveness even when Fadel hasn't asked for it?

This, though. I do think this was uncalled for (this is a criticism of Fadel). You can make the argument that Fadel has tried honesty and blunt rejection and it hasn't worked, but I would have respected Fadel more if he'd stuck to his guns and kept rejecting Style in the same manner. Especially when everything else about his character shows he's actually very up front and direct. With Bison, with Kant, hell even with himself.

Fadel is mocking Style's clear and wanton desire for him. Look at the sardonic little grin Fadel gets right before he says, "You won't ever get what you want." Consider the way he was touching Style with that gentle, focused intensity; how he cuts up his shirt and tears it open and leans in close in a way that suggests purposefulness while having zero intention of seeing it through. Fadel knew what he was doing and he did it on purpose, to hurt.

And you can see that Style is genuinely hurt here. I think he has always been prepared for Fadel's rejection, but not his cruelty. Not Fadel making sport of him and his very real emotions and desires. Because Fadel has been rude and condescending before, but he's never been contemptuous like he is here.

And I wonder, partly, if this is because both times we see Style and his dad, his dad is scolding/chiding/correcting him to some extent. Perhaps that's just how they interact. Or perhaps, as implied by the way Style sarcastically said "Thanks, dad" as Fadel drives away in episode 1, Style doesn't enjoy the way his father scolds him and always has criticisms or corrections for him. Perhaps Style just wants to be accepted for who he is, especially by the man he is starting to have real feelings for.

Edit (after Ep 5): I'm so sorry, Papa Style, I did you so wrong. ;u;

@lazzarella made a post recently about Dunk's phenomenal acting in this scene (among others) and I concur so hard about how intense and scorching and "both fiery and steely" Style's anger feels in this scene. He's furious and wounded and you can see it in his gaze, the tension in his jaw, the way he bares his teeth up at Fadel when he says "...punch me in the face? Go on!"

And honestly, he is justified. Fadel's incredulity has no basis here: he stooped back to using public humiliation, something which Style very pointedly has not engaged with since his conversation with Bison in episode 2. Every instance of approaching Fadel since then has clearly been aimed to involve himself in Fadel's private life*.

*Yes even or maybe especially the support group in episode 3. Because while Style may have been treating the whole thing too lightly, all of it is directed privately to Fadel with his secret looks and winks. As far as the other support group members are concerned, Style was a somewhat overdramatic new member that had no connection to Fadel.

But what Fadel did by cutting up his shirt and sending him out in shame regressed them back to their early dynamic, which was far more antagonistic.

This is why Style lashes out at the support group again. Look at the anger simmering in his eyes. The way he makes direct, insistent eye contact with Fadel as he speaks, returning again when he talks about feeling used. Style, overall, is a character that doesn't take anything too seriously so it's almost shocking to see him this visibly angry and so pointedly challenging Fadel in a space where Fadel cannot easily brush him off.

But even now, even in all his rage and hurt, Style is true to himself and his heart. He doesn't want revenge or an apology, he wants Fadel to acknowledge that the thing between them, fragile as it is, matters; that what they did meant something to the both of them.

And this is why I was so broken about Style offering forgiveness without Fadel asking for it earlier: because all it took was Fadel admitting that he missed Style for him to unreservedly offer reassurance and safety for Fadel's heart. There is nothing ambiguous about what Style says at the jeep: he makes his own intentions clear by offering certainty, taking responsibility, promising the very commitment he was asking Fadel for.

He makes himself vulnerable to and for the man who literally just mocked and humiliated him that morning. Style really just let all his anger go immediately like that.

And no, I don't think he was doing all that for the car. This is just how Style talks. He has a flair for the dramatic, and this was the perfect way to reveal his news to Kant. But look at how delighted, how filled with boyish glee he is while he tells Kant the news about Fadel agreeing to be his boyfriend. Consider the way he reacted in the moment: the joy in his voice and the wonder in his eyes when he said "Really? We're dating now?", the way he covers Fadel's cheeks in a hundred butterfly kisses.

Also, a thought that occurred to me - could this be Style's first relationship? We know from episode 1 that he sleeps around, but there's seemingly no mention of a previous serious/committed relationship so far. His dad seems surprised to hear Style is seriously pursing someone. Could Fadel be the first person to capture his interest for long enough that Style developed actual feelings?

Which is also why his fear is now so visceral. He is genuinely terrified of Fadel, but I don't think it's just because he's realised how dangerous Fadel is (after all, he's known that to some extent since he watched Fadel break a man's arm with his thighs). No, his fear stems from the fact that Fadel now has reason to hurt Style.

In the face of the betrayal of his own trust, Style answers Kant's plea to friendship and entangles himself with Kant's lie willingly... and thereby forfeits all rights to the safety he was so confident of in the middle of the woods by an abandoned factory. Because now Style knows that if Kant gets found out, it won't matter that Style didn't intentionally mislead and take advantage of Fadel's vulnerability in the forest. Because he still chose Kant over Fadel here, and that makes him undeserving of the open door he asked Fadel to give him.

Style is incredibly transparent in all his thoughts and emotions and this is why I say that Style is guileless: he is incapable of true deception. His heart is too close to the surface, his desires too obvious, his thoughts too clearly broadcasted on his face.

He is the perfect foil; not only to Fadel (who until this episode held everything so buried inside his chest that we only understand his true feelings in snatches of memories or moments when Fadel is certain that he is truely alone) but also Kant (whose deception, whilst cracking under pressure, is intentional and calculated - thinking about that bowling alley accomplice right now - in a way Style never could be).

And this means that any success on his part in the upcoming episode(s) in deceiving Fadel is going to fall on either Fadel's own willful blindness or the suspension of disbelief the genre requires of the viewer -- but it won't be because Style is actually any good at playing the role now that he knows the full truth.

This is why my heart breaks for Style. Because Kant forced a burden on him that he was in no way prepared to bear. And eventually Style will have to choose between his loyalty to Kant and his burgeoning feelings for Fadel and, regardless of his choice, the narrative demands that Style sacrifice a piece of his own heart in the process.

[oneatlatime]

The Painted Lady

Air Bison, Sea Bison, and now Sludge Bison.

I have no idea how Aang is swimming through a solid. Must be an Avatar thing.

I bet there would be time for more potty breaks if Sokka hadn't spent 100+ hours of their time drawing up the schedule. A very Sokka thing to do though.

Because hills often have horns. Great disguise.

You can't tell me that a factory that close to their town wouldn't also become the town's primary employer.

That is a lot of town.

I sense a return of preachy Katara. This episode is going to suck.

I'm with Sokka on this one. Buy fish, move on, defeat Firelord, return to help with environmental remediation if time permits.

I like Doc. And Shu. Nice people.

Writers: if you have to make one of your characters an entirely different person to set up the episode's lesson of the week, maybe the lesson doesn't fit your chosen characters. This is the Warriors of Kyoshi all over again. Funny how that's happened to Sokka twice.

We are all Sokka.

And where exactly did this mysterious painted lady get the food to deliver to the village, if the reason the Gaang stopped in the village in the first place was because they needed food?

Let the record show: I lost the last of my patience with this episode 8 minutes and 9 seconds in.

Waterbending healing has never thrown off that much light before. Even the spirit oasis water wasn't that bright.

Also where is the water she's healing with? Usually she has a big bubble of it.

Impersonating a religious figure. That won't end badly.

"Well I hope she returns every night otherwise this place would go right back to the way it was." YES!!!!!! THAT'S THE POINT!!!!!

What was Katara's plan? Forget about the eclipse, forget about fighting the Fire Lord, we're going to stay here for the rest of our lives so that the painted lady can put in a nightly appearance. THIS IS WHY SOKKA DOES THE PLANNING.

Spirit magic is more doing the worm than doing the wave. Good to know.

Bold of a kids' show to advocate for ecoterrorism.

Aang's like "Hey spirit lady! Here's my resume! Here's my connections on LinkedIn!" Why did Katara think that faking being a spirit within two feet of the bridge to the spirit world would be consequence free? Actually that presupposes that Katara thought. Which she didn't. Sokka does her thinking.

"I don't get to meet many spirits. But the ones I do meet, not very attractive." I am OFFENDED on Yue's behalf. And Sokka's. I guess Aang doesn't like Water Tribe girls after all.

"I guess I just became her." No. That's an excuse and a deflection. I don't want to hear it.

What was I saying about Aang and Katara enabling each others' bad tendencies?

Sokka is horribly out of character this episode, but Aang is as well. In what universe would Aang be so unbothered by Appa being sick, and then so unbothered by the reveal that Katara had been faking Appa being sick? Like, this is Appa. He nearly skinned a bunch of sandbenders over the guy. And he finds out Katara's been messing with him and calls her 'great' and 'a secret hero.'

So this factory, despite being operational 24/7, has no night staff, not even a night guard? Because if it does (which it absolutely does - automation is a problem for factories in our world, not the ATLA one), Katara and Aang just killed A LOT of people.

And so she follows up one short term solution with another short term solution, which causes a third problem she will no doubt solve with a short term solution. You think there won't be reprisals for the only obvious suspects to this industrial sabotage? You think they won't rebuild the factory?

Sokka was kidding when he said that the Spirit Lady had better blow up the factory, but not in the way Katara thought he was kidding. Katara thought he wasn't being serious. But Sokka was serious, in that blowing up the factory is as short term a solution as appearing every night. He thought the joke - exchanging one bad solution for another - was obvious.

Somebody's enjoying himself a little too much.

Unfortunately, serving as Exhibit A is the most Toph has had to do all episode.

It is cathartic to see someone finally call Katara on her nonsense. But I'll bet everything I own that the narrative is going to side with her anyway.

Welp. I won that bet.

"You need me." Correct! Katara unsupervised needs bailing out after five minutes. "And I will never turn my back on you." A much more realistic goal than never turning your back on anyone who needs you, and also Sokka summarised in one sentence. Impressive for an episode where they had to Flanderise him beyond recognition to make Katara somehow the good guy.

Oh for fuck's sake. It's not about having a heart. This late in the game it's pure damage control.

So that's where the Painted Lady's food came from. I guess Fire Nation factories count as pirates?

I like the jetskis. The seem far more stable than actual jetskis.

It never occurred to Katara to obscure the evidence even a little bit? At least rub some dirt on the emblem. Look at me assuming Katara has thoughts.

Actual reprisals for once. About time.

This kid is annoying.

Toph gets to be a haunted house sound effects machine.

That's awfully waterbendery for a Fire Nation spirit.

I don't buy for a minute that anyone would be able to stay perfectly upright and balanced after an air blast from below without extensive trampoline training.

This won't work. His superiors, or the next shift change, or the first recruit wanting to climb the ranks quickly, will rise to the challenge presented here by the "painted lady." And as soon as one FN attack goes unchallenged by the "painted lady," the village is toast. I give them a week, tops.

Kudos to some clever in-universe bending special effects. Doesn't save the episode though.

Katara's preachy speech here makes absolutely no sense in light of the rest of the episode. Scolding them for not saving themselves, when waiting around for someone to save them appears to have worked perfectly? And having little miss I-must-save-the-whole-world-on-a-weekly-basis-otherwise-my-sense-of-self-implodes deliver that scold?

Who are these people wearing the Gaang's skin?

Yeah, nothing screams undercover in enemy territory like an entire village knowing that you're a waterbender. Good thing the only competent tracker in the Fire Nation is Zuko, otherwise these kids will absolutely be dead long before the eclipse.

Hi Bushi! You're about the only part of this episode that doesn't drive me nuts!

At least the animators had fun with this one.

Is this guy mopping the river?

Exactly how many days did they take out of Sokka's schedule to restore the ecosystem? I don't care how overlevelled these kids are at bending, you cannot mechanically separate an entire river's worth of dirt from water in an afternoon.

Well that's just he piss icing on the shit cake, isn't it? It wasn't enough for Sokka to lose all reason and come around to Katara's very flawed way of thinking, it wasn't enough for Aang to call her a hero, it wasn't enough to have a village worshipping at her feet, Katara needs affirmations of how right and special and correct and perfect and morally justified she is from the spirit world itself. This is Mary Sue stuff.

Final Thoughts

This is the first time an episode of Avatar has felt like a waste of my time.

It's also the first time I've felt like an episode has gone out of its way to insult the audience.

Katara talking about how she knows what she's doing is wrong is worth absolutely nothing when a) she goes right back to doing it; and b) literally every other part of this episode trips over itself to assure Katara that she's in the right.

Katara is downright punchable this episode. Sokka is Flanderised; Toph is non-existent; Aang is just there; poor Appa is an unwitting accessory to crime; and Momo has as much impact as a housefly.

So the execs forgot about the existence of The Spirit World Part One and demanded a save the environment special episode. The writers responded by forgetting that they'd already established that Katara was ride or die for literally anyone with a pulse in Imprisoned, and gave us this to remind us of that fact. They also forgot that they'd already established that Katara has no moral code whatsoever the minute her personal interest is involved in The Waterbending Scroll, so they decided to recycle the "narrative sides with Katara endangering them all over Sokka being reasonable" plot from that episode and hope we wouldn't notice. We did.

At least with Imprisoned, Katara kind of sort of caused the problem that she fixed. She was super tangentially involved in that kid's arrest. Here, she causes problems by trying to fix problems that she didn't really have any business getting involved in.

The more of this I watched, the more I wanted someone to slap Katara. What I wouldn't give for an episode where she is wrong (has happened a lot) and the episode doesn't pretend otherwise (has never happened). For god's sake, LET HER BE WRONG AND FEEL IT. How else is she going to progress past being self-righteously fourteen? Why is she being so consistently insulated from consequences? Aang chooses power over family at the end of season two and gets actually murdered for it. Katara steals, lies, skirts dangerously close to being a false prophet and does a nifty little ecoterrorism (with Aang's help), and she gets villagers being a bit shouty before big brother comes in and fixes it. Then she gets divine sanction for her actions so even the shouty bit is negated.

There's an interesting contrast in Katara's "I will never turn my back on people who need me" and Sokka's "I will never turn my back on you." It shows which of the two doesn't have their head in the clouds, and has actually formulated realistic expectations of how much a single person can do. It also speaks to the fundamental difference in how they operate. Katara acts; Sokka mitigates. Sokka does Katara's thinking for her; Katara outsources her thinking and then gets pissed when rational thoughts don't conform to her emotions' view of the world.

Why haven't the villagers moved away? If the water was poisoning them this much, why are they still here? Was the early 2000s too early to have a theme of climate refugees? Or the pollution equivalent? That would have been more interesting than this.

I hated this. Why isn't this the episode that gets hated on like the Great Divide? Its sins are nothing compared to this.

Doc, Shu, and Bushi were the only good thing in this episode, but they weren't enough to make this one remotely rewatchable.

One out of Three so far on season three episode quality. No other season has had this bad a ratio this early. This does not bode well for the rest of this season.

[gunsatthaphan]

bestie what are we thinking about episode 1 I'm still speechless.

I don't wanna say too much because so much happened but at the same time you can tell the actual story hasn't started so I feel like the current vibe will not be representative for the rest of the show lol.

But so far my favorite thing is the characters because even though there's already a bunch of ppl saying the acting is mid and Dunk is dragging everyone down or whatever, I have nothing to complain about. I feel like I got to know the 4 of them in this episode and the performances were convincing to me. Like yes, FK are leading the acting game and Dunk comes in last but he has improved compared to previous roles and from what I can tell, he is giving Style the necessary characteristics. He is a campy character and I saw a lot of people saying he matches the novel. So I'm not mad. not yet anyway. Joong as Fadel is crazy if you ask me, his screen presence is insane here. 10/10 would avoid him in the streets lmao. Bison is an interesting little guy lol I can tell he's a complex character which I love and Kant is just I mean 🧎🏼‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️ I really get Khao bc I, too, am absolutely obsessed with him lol. Maybe it's my Fir bias, maybe it's the Yok vibes I don't know but I'm on my knees. I can see what people were pointing out about his personality being very tied to Bison in the novel but so far it doesn't bother me at all. First brings him to life and gives him charisma and I'm buying every bit of his performance.

The story is very much unserious but we all knew that going in so I surely won't waste my time analyzing anything too closely lol. The crime plot is definitely not fleshed out and I'm sensing some NLMG vibes in the storytelling but as long as we don't take it seriously, it's all good. It is a comedy without trying to be one, which is a good sign. I didn't expect KantBison to jump right into the heat but seeing how their and FadelStyle's relationships will develop into opposite directions, I think it all made sense. They put a good 80% of the trailer into the episode which I was kind of expecting as they did the same with OF but like I said, the core story hasn't really started so let's see how it goes. They overdid it a bit with the music sadly, not every scene needs a rock song blasting in the background lol. I did like the song choices but it was a bit distracting at times, especially when there's an obvious transition within a single scene.

But besides that I had a good time and I'm mostly glad that the actual vibe is completely different from the pilot trailer which I didn't like at all. I see no connection to that trailer besides the story and I'm very happy about that. I'm happy with the overall energy and the characters and I'm looking forward to seeing everything unfold, as well as meeting the other characters!!

Feel free to tell me your thoughts in asks or replies!

xxx

[nnnn99999]

I refuse to believe Bison is as naive as he comes off as.

Although Fadel is very protective of him and nags at him all the time, he does not restrict him too much. He lets Bison live his life, he just makes sure to remind him of their reality from time to time. And that too because Bison tends to get carried away and forgets that they are, in fact, assassins and they need to keep a low profile so that they don't get caught. But it's not like Fadel is following Bison everywhere all the time. He keeps tabs on him, yes, but only when he thinks Bison is going too far. Fadel doesn't actually interfere in Bison's life unless he feels Bison is putting himself in danger.

During his first meeting with Kant, Bison immediately knew what game Kant was playing. And why wouldn't he? Bison is no stranger to men lusting over him. If he has acted as a bait for his missions as often as I assume, there is no reason for him to not understand that Kant's affection for him is not that deep yet. I do believe Kant genuinely likes Bison, but nowhere near as much as he is trying to show. Professional assassin Bison, who kills people for a living, and seduces his targets to facilitate said killing, has to know the difference between passing interest, lust, like and love right?

After their first night together, it was Kant who was reminiscing and savoring his experience with Bison. It was Kant who wanted more with Bison. Bison, on the other hand, was completely normal. He probably wouldn't even give Kant a second thought had he not showed up to his workplace and started pursuing him aggressively. Because Bison knows and fully understands his own circumstances. He knows the rules set up by the mother. He knows how dangerous it is for him to fall in love. He knows all of that too well. And not just because Fadel makes sure to remind him 5 times a day. But because Bison himself feels trapped and suffocated by this lifestyle and just wants to break free. Who could understand his situation better than himself?

So why is Bison such a lovestruck, giggling mess? It's because he is living in a fantasy. Unlike Fadel who has completely accepted the life he was dealt with, Bison cannot accept his reality at all. Bison would rather delude himself to believe that what he has with Kant is love. He would rather live in a fantasy than face the grim reality of life. He does not love Kant. He only loves the idea of being in love, a love that could potentially free him from his prison.

Why Kant and not anyone else? First, because Kant does have genuine affection for Bison and I think Bison can feel it. Second, because Bison realises Kant is willing to let go and let Bison take control, albeit in very particular situations and in very limited amount. However, just the fact that Bison can gain some control in his relationship with Kant must be exhilarating for Bison. His desire for control makes him want to indulge in this relationship that allows him to be free and take control, even if it is just a little.

So I think Bison knows Kant is not as genuine as he seems. I noticed that Bison has stated multiple times that he just wants something casual, it's Kant who is constantly pushing for a serious relationship because of his own agenda. Bison is not in love. Bison is just living in a fantasy. And he knows that it is in fact, just a fantasy. So when the time comes and Kant's true intentions are revealed, I think Bison will go crazy. Not just becasue Bison truly likes Kant and wanted to experience a proper relationship for the first time. But also because Kant shattered Bison's lovely fantasy. The fantasy where Bison is just a normal guy falling in love with another normal guy. Bison is purposely ignoring Kant's shadiness because to him it doesn't matter. As long as Bison can hold Kant in the palm of his hands, does Kant's initial intentions even matter?