#if anyones curious bc i just realized not everyone deals with those things. the thing thats in macs hand is a omnipod pod

[st4rstudent]

stubborn

no text ver

[elainsgirl]

idk what i did for tumblr to do this to me but yikes. i usually only look at specific blogs i like for my acotar content. but today i felt like checking my fyp. and the stuff i saw shocked me.

i saw someone who finished acowar said they hate elain more than feyre and found her insufferable. first of all, you’re implying you don’t like feyre. okay so why read acotar? and three of the books at that? like leave, don’t do this to yourself lmao. second, elain killed the big bad in acowar. nesta and cassian would be history without her. where do you come off? show me where she was insufferable. because i can’t think of one single time she irritated me so i’m really curious to see what she did that bothered them.

another one said they reread acosf without first reading the og trilogy again and they said it’s crazy how you realize how horrible and abusive the IC is without the lingering empathy you have for them when you had just read the first three books… lingering empathy?… bro what??? anyone would seem like they’re being abusive if you take their actions out of context and don’t consider the backstory. but we have context. we have the luxury to know they weren’t being abusive but just trying to help the best way they knew how. and it was legit their last resort. surely their decision wasn’t an easy one to force nesta to the HOW (where she won’t be isolated and alone, the worst thing an addict can be), work in the library (which i thought was nice considering nesta finds comfort in books) and train (helped with her feelings of helplessness by learning how to defend herself). was it executed perfectly? no. but they were desperate and it’s hard to know how to properly deal with someone who is being extremely self-destructive if you haven’t dealt with it before. but it still got nesta to focus on things other than her bitterness and self hatred. it taught her self discipline. it led her to make genuine friends. if they hadn’t stepped in, these people’s favorite character would’ve eventually drank herself to death or gotten herself killed in some other dangerous situation. sorry but it’s the harsh truth. and the person said the IC abused nesta for acting mean and drinking when they also have acted just like her and worse. what? i know they party but i don’t recall them needlessly being cruel to their loved ones. then they said nesta should’ve burned the night court down at the end of acosf. tagged anti ic and anti everyone except azriel. i just know they’re a gwynriel or will become one just by looking at those tags.

i saw these two posts in only 15 seconds of scrolling. howwww are we still dealing with these people incapable of reading critically? why are you reading books where you hate 95% of the main characters? it’s one thing to like nesta and understand her, but these people are acting like she is the only victim and didn’t deserve what the IC “did to” her. if you ask me, i’d say they were too nice to her in the beginning. and it’s not like they didn’t try to include her. she pushed them away. i just know that’s how they are as people. bitter and angry at the world. but unlike nesta who learned to grow, her fanatic fans are stagnant, are usually gwynriels and quite frankly, poison the acotar fandom with their toxic takes

sorry for the long message. i needed to vent lol

This but w me on TikTok- every other video on there is about how horrible and disgusting people the IC are, Feyre’s the worst, Elains a manipulator - Nesta is a victim, Cass doesn’t deserve her etc etc. This is the sole reason I stay away from tiktok. I used to post on there everyday but it became so draining constantly having to see takes that just gave you headaches bcs of how ridiculous they are.

They find Elain insufferable bcs of her constant “crying” & “whining” in acowar where she was useless pining for a man who hated her. Because how dare she right? I mean, its not like the book prior to acowar - she was kidnapped, thrusted into a giant pot first not knowing what was going to happen to her - assualted and changed against her will into a foreign body and then given powers which put her into a camotose state and then she had to deal with the fact she lost everything she wanted, everything that was going to be hers including a marriage to the man she loves, a man who saw her. Nesta isolating herself, going off drinking at inns is a coping mechanism they can defend yet Elain being depressed & suicidal, being quiet and keeping to herself is apparently something they cant find the sympathy or even empathy to understand. Exactly. Do these people not realise how terrible they sound? And the thing is - Elain did SO MUCH in acowar. Stabbed Hybern, located the suriel, kicked HOUNDS of Az with her bare FEET. If any other fmc did such a thing they would be labelled a badass but Elain does not get that recognition. Also you’re literally right. If you hate the MAIN character of the series, why continue reading her books?

The IC are complex, flawed individuals. They make bad decisions but ultimately whatever they do is for the better good. Could they have handled the “rehab” situation better? Absolutely. But its done - it led to Nesta bettering herself and finding genuine friends. It literally ends off on Nesta and the IC being on good terms so exactly why should she burn the entire court to the grounds? Nesta isn’t perfect herself. She isn’t the victim in every single situation. Its done - their relationship will heal and become better. If you’re anti everything aside from one character maybe this series isn’t for you and thats ok. This is what I dont get about most Nesta stans, is they take defending Nesta so far to the point they distort every other character and scenario. Yep…like I say, its not a coincidence most elucien/gwynriel stans hate or the IC or the night court.

THIS. If I hated 90% of the characters in a series, you know what I’d do? Quit the series and leave the fandom. If I hated a direction a series is going in? Again. I’d quit the series instead of making such fanon, elaborate theories and HCs that I know will never happen. I feel like all these “critical” takes and hatred for most of the characters has led to the fandom being so insufferable and not an enjoyable experience to be in. When you look at that *side* which includes gwynriels and eluciens, its like they’ve read an entirely different series and they want such different outcomes compared to what the books have foreshadowed.

[broodwoof]

solyrookvellara & their individual lives post-vg

(yes i said i was kidding about the ship name but now i kinda like it. such is life)

post-veilguard polyship complexity hell heaven... but also kinda hell bc no one except mythal and solas are particularly used to poly relationships and everyone's kinda awkward and figuring it out. ofc everyone has a unique relationship with everyone else and that's where the fun is imo

caveat that at this point i am more or less viewing morrithal as a system. like obviously there's something different and magic going on, but in terms of functionality, i view one or the other as typically "fronting", although i think both remain largely aware

mythal x solas -> nonsexual; only light physical intimacy because of "wrong body" (morrigan's body) reasons. neither of them wants their old relationship to take precedence over a mortal's life, and as such mythal is rarely called to the front... but when she is, she often spends some of that time with solas

mythal x daw -> strange little relationship, and neither of them (or morrigan) have any problem with kissing and whatnot. doesn't go beyond that, but it's kinda nice and if they start by kissing mythal and pull back to have morrigan staring at them, well, that's kinda nice too. at this point daw is very much in the "might as well" stage of things; polyamory is new to them, but no one can say they don't give new things their all!

nessa x daw -> developed during the events of veilguard, a few meetings and a lot of letters nessa realized daw was interested in solas and encouraged them to pursue that - anything to stop him. even if it meant nessa would lose him. but daw wasn't having any of that, and so nessa suggested a compromise... and a multi-prong attack >3

nessa x solas -> solavellan heaven. they are very soft together... too soft, really. there's some non-canon trauma in their romantic history on top of all the canon stuff, and it has made solas very hesitant around her, very delicate with her, every touch an apology kinda thing. nessa doesn't want that though, and eventually they settle into something more real, it just takes some time

daw x solas -> developed during the events of veilguard, but wasn't a romantic relationship. he and daw had a lot of sexual tension in the mind prison and ended up, well, working it out a few times 🙂‍↕️ honestly solas is gonna feel like a fucking monster (*coughs* this isn't a new feeling for him *coughs*) when he realizes that nessa has been pursuing him all this time... to stop him, yes, but also pursuing him romantically. but yeah, nessa approved and encouraged daw to pursue this, solas is just kinda in the dark about the dynamics for a while. but he and daw are messyyyy together. very gentle until they're in bed, at which point they get competitive and "play-fighting" and rough sex... except there's real anger being vented and neither of them are actually willing to touch those emotions (yet!)

daw x bellara -> bel is just like hey what the fuck is going on. no but really. i mean everything is out in the open and aboveboard, she's fine with what's going on, but it's kinda making her head spin... although it's also great material for her stories. but daw spends a great deal of their time with bellara, and they have a very deep, meaningful relationship, and do a lot of mundane things together that daw doesn't really do with anyone else. also they kiss and fuck so much 🙂‍↕️ as they deserve 🙂‍↕️

bellara & solas -> this takes A While fr. but bel is curious by nature, a historian, and solas is... solas. he was there. in fact, he made a lot of history happen! very frosty at first, but there's a shift when one of them mentions something offhandedly, perhaps not even talking directly to the other, but the other person chimes in. and then they're just talking and it flows and they're invigorating each other and it's actually really, really fun? i like to imagine nessa and daw locking eyes during this moment and fighting back smiles bc it's cute

morrigan & nessa -> the real reason morrigan is with everyone in the lighthouse. she would not have stayed for solas or for daw, but she and nessa are extremely close, and their children are also extremely close. at this point, they pretty much view each other as family

morrigan -> she leaves sometimes! absolutely! frequently her and kieran both, but sometimes she leaves kieran in nessa's care

solas -> comes and goes. he works for weeks to months at a time in the fade, then returns to the lighthouse for usually a few weeks before setting out again

bellara -> travels frequently between the lighthouse and the veil jumper camp, easy with the eluvian

daw -> also travels frequently between the lighthouse and the veil jumper camp (daw is a vj as well), but tends to feel a little more at home in the lighthouse by now

nessa -> settles in the lighthouse, especially since revas loves it so much, but also travels back to ferelden at times. that eluvian is constantly getting a workout

revas -> is pretty much happy as long as she's around her mom. her dad - solas - is important to her, too, but they're still getting reacquainted. what she doesn't know and will eventually learn is that the wolf she always saw in dreams was him, keeping her company in an undemanding, gentle way, easing her nightmares back to sweet dreams. revas is a mage as well and loves chasing the wisps and practicing her magic in the lighthouse. she also loves the caretaker

kieran -> is so used to traveling and changing and adapting that staying in one place is probably downright unsettling, but it's helped by the fact that this one place is not any kind of normal place. frequently goes on little adventures with revas where they explore parts of the lighthouse that are "off limits" (cue nessa and morrigan unconvincingly saying "oh yeah, don't go over there") and kieran is old enough to kinda figure it out but he doesn't really care because it's still fun. they get up high and stare down at the expanse of the fade. sometimes they throw rocks and wonder where they go

everyone except solas leaves the lighthouse to go to cities, to visit friends, etc. solas... i think he'll get there. eventually. but right now he can't bring himself to visit anyone he used to know, although nessa takes care to tell him all about their mutual friends (and to tell their mutual friends all about him!)

[limeade-l3sbian]

i’m not so much talking about whether you would like it or not, but rather: do you see yourself as a person who needs romantic companionship in your life eventually? obviously you won’t disintegrate without, but i’m talking needing as in for your psychological and physical well-being in the long run.

i’ve come to realize i cannot relate to this and people who aren’t able to go without being in a relationship are to me so strange, even though that honestly seems to be the norm. i don’t even want a romantic relationship. not to say i would be against falling in love and all that but i don’t dream of it and i certainly don’t crave it. i’m curious how you are in this regard? obviously i don’t know you, but you strike me a someone who functions well alone too.

i get that wanting romance is normal in theory but i don’t understand why.

there’s lots of other things i totally get the need for, but this and sex are two things that are on the same spectrum of inconsequential to me. that’s also why i’ll never be able to rightfully contribute to the celibate convo that’s been going on in radfem spaces in regards to heterosexual women, because even though i’m not asexual, i genuinely don’t get the big deal of living without romance and sex. people will say it’s unfair to ask that of anyone and i’ll think it probably IS for the average person, but to me it still seems totally unrelatable to not be able to live full lives without it. this isn’t a convo of to be or not to be celebate btw, i’m just adding it as an example of when this feeling of not needing romance has really shown it’s face in my life and hindered my, i guess, empathy? and that’s why i never join that convo bc i can see i’m the odd one out.

it’s honestly so embarrassing to an extent. i wish more people spoke of this but when i’ve tried to speak of it in some contexts elsewhere, i immediately get labeled all these different things like “aromantic” and “asexual” and i’m just not. i’m not against romance. it’s not that i can’t feel it. same with attraction and such. but it’s really easy to ignore for me, like no biggie. there’s so many other bigger more important emotions and experiences in my eyes. almost everyone wants romance and partnership but to me it just seems kinda tiring and risky. like why risk my peace for a thing that does in most cases end by breaking up for whatever reasons? it’s not me being scared of it but i don’t see the point of the effort i guess..

friendships i get and they are important to me. i don’t see them as replacements or anything for romance. i just value those more and i think they seem more genuine to me? i’m not in a situation where i couldn’t find safe partners bc i am bisexual with mainly attraction to women but even then i still have no desperation for love like that. if it happens, that’s cool but i’ve come to realize that if i don’t actively seek it out it’s pretty easy to go through your life without any romantic relationships in peace. obviously the same maybe can’t be said for ultra attractive people but for mediocre folks like myself, life is pretty peaceful in that regard unless i actively tried to put myself out there which i won’t lol.

it’s not like i hate seeing romantic stuff. movies or books with romantic plots can be super cute and enjoyable for me but i don’t crave those things in my life even. when i see it. i don’t sigh after it. it’s like seeing a video of someone trying bungeejumping. it looks fun and cool but i wouldn’t go out of my way to seek the experience out because my life is fine without it.

am i totally alone in this feeling i wonder

I think in recent years there has been a weird push for romantic relationships and what the "best version" of them looks like. And, to be honest, your assumption is correct.

I think I cared in high school I got swept up in wanting to date because teenage romance seemed so romantic to me. But now, as an adult, I feel no intense need to be with someone. I'm not asexual and I'm not opposed to love or sex, like you said. I just...don't care? I just care about having people in my life who I care about and who care about me.

And with the asexual thing. In an increasingly hypersexual world, I think people are quick to "other" those of us who just don't really care. So if you don't crave love and need sex, you must be asexual. Which is...false, on a lot of levels.

To be honest, this whole reply could just be me restating, "Like you said" lmao. You and I have a pretty mutual feeling about the whole thing. I'm at peace with the state of my social life. I don't feel any pressure to be married or to date or whatever. When it happens, it happens, and I go for it. But when things don't work out? I mean, that's just life, I feel like.

[berrymoos]

Hiii!!! If it's not too much to request 😅 could I ask for Steven, Marc and maybe even Jake if you can..??? with💡, 🧸, 🎮 and 🃏.

Completely fine if not!!!

Hope you're having an amazing day/evening/night!!! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)!!!

this is not too much to request at all, my friend!! (≡^∇^≡) the moonboys my beloved, ty for the ask!! <3

🐠 — steven!

💡. how did they discover age regression?

honestly i can imagine steven stress-regressing after a particularly bad day at work / dealing with donna, and after all is said n done, he immediately hops into some research about it – like he is scouring the internet for answers, literally going down a rabbithole. he has mixed feelings when he discovers that fuzzy prickling in his brain is age regression, but ends up coming around to it after he sits down and thinks; despite the crying and the heavy chest during the entire thing, steven realizes how much ... better he'd felt afterward

🧸. what's their favorite toy?

not exactly a toy, but steven has a ton of egyptian-themed books aimed for children lying in a little pile of their own in his flat: educational books, chapter books, picture books, fun books (like i-spy or coloring) ... he's got a ton! post-show, he gets a blueberry-scented blue-and-white stuffed puppy named raz, & steven reads to him!

🎮. what's their favorite thing to do when they're small?

reading & otherwise working in those aforementioned egyptian-themed books! listening to music or having the tv on a low volume puts the icing on the cake!

🃏. random headcanon about their regression!

can, will, & has gotten into an endless “why?” loop with everyone in the mooncule (jake, marc, & layla) + tawaret & khonshu before. it's rarely to be annoying or anything; he's just a curious guy! (... he was trying to annoy khonshu tho jehdwkjdwk)

🌙 — marc!

💡. how did they discover age regression?

marc has 100%, without a doubt, involuntarily regressed before on a handful of occasions – i mean, with all he's been through it's no wonder he has intervals where he just buries himself underneath the blankets of his bed & cries. whenever it happens, he just tries to forget afterward, to bury it in the back of his mind & pretend it never happened... it isn't until marc finds out steven regresses & he gets an explanation that he realises, “oh. so this is ... okay?” . takes him a little longer to actually regress willingly because of all the other times he's vent-dropped, but once he finally has a space that allows him to relax, it's ... good. great, actually

🧸. what's their favorite toy?

oh my god he's got this stuffed bunny named miffy that he carries literally everywhere; they're attached at the hip. wherever marc is, miffy is right there – wherever miffy is, marc is right there. the only place he doesn't take miffy is outside, because 1). he doesn't want her to get dirty!! & 2). because he's shy & doesn't want anyone else aside from the mooncule to see her

🎮. what's their favorite thing to do when they're small?

marc is very low-energy while regressed, so he typically likes to lounge on the couch & watch tv, or color / play with miffy in front of the mirror so steven can watch over him better from headspace. he loves cuddling too but he's too shy about asking, so usually layla just scoops him up & snuggles with him at any time ,,, yes marc absolutely adores it

🃏. random headcanon about their regression!

he has a few pacis of his own, but ends up chewing on the sleeve of his shirt or one of steven's sweaters. jake's caught him chewing on his hat once & genuinely couldn't even be mad bc marc is a cutiepie 🥹

🐕 — jake!

💡. how did they discover age regression?

i don't think jake has tons of life experience given how he is: like, he only fronts for quick intervals during high-stress situations to keep the system safe, & is now khonshu's avatar – he has no actual idea what relaxation truly is, & by proxy has no clue what regression is. once he makes himself known to marc and steven, & they find out he's still khonshu's avatar, they're like “uh-uh, nope, yooou need to relax– baby time!! :D” & jake went “... what.”

🧸. what's their favorite toy?

blocks, legos, & any other toy that involves building. he loves building & creating with the legos, but for some reason he finds great amusement in knocking over the blocks – like. great amusement, he laughs and giggles every single time. nobody else can knock over his blocks, tho; they will have an angry jake on their hands if they do. layla gets war flashbacks everytime she almost accidentally knocks it over

🎮. what's their favorite thing to do while they're small?

jake's very active, so he likes being on the go! playing tag, playing pretend, maybe a few old handheld video games steven manages to snag online ... honestly, anything that can keep some part of him moving & occupied

🃏. random headcanon about their regression!

kind of a mix of jake and marc, but those two fight over this brown stuffed longhorn cow all the time because neither of them can figure out who she actually belongs to KSHAKDJSN ,, her name is mocha & she switches homes every day /silly

[radkindoffeminist]

Ahhhh sorry for the little rant/vent I'm going to go on I just kind of wanted to share my thoughts with someone sorry for the mass of text imma bout to go on🙏

to the anonymous trans man that told you to give him a blow job with the results of hissurgry, thats gross and you didnt deserve that and the dick complications are inevitable but it was also the most female way to send that?? Like any male would've sent a violent rape threat but look at that ppl born women just don't

2. did you read inauthentic selves? If you didnt, its some investigative journalism taken down when originally posted for transphobia but it's been saved by other and can still be found. And its really everything every radfem tries express. Didn't fact check it myself though but when I'm free I really do wanna

3. did you hear about self id in Scotland right now? Sorry for the questions I'm just curious about your thoughts I like how you write

4. everyone wants to call it the "bathroom debate" when talking about letting trans women in women's restrooms and honestly that's smart of tras bc they know talking about the changing rooms/lockers is harder to argue so just boil it down to bathrooms. You're in and out for restrooms- yet men still assault ppl- but they can't quite argue why it's totally okay for ppl with penises to be able to strip to their underwear in front of women

5. everyone talks about trans women in women's prisons- bc fair- but ignore trans men in male prisons. First, beginning to see a pattern of poor trans women trying to say they're oppressed for women nor trusting them in their spaces bc they're "trans" and not bc they're literally born men. But nobody wants to let trans men in male prisons. Bc they'd die/get raped. Bc men can't be trusted with anyone with a vagina. Trans man in a male prison walks into the shower room/uses the unsanitary restroom where others can see and have a vagina/clear evidence of phallioplasty? Just straight dead. So both trans women and trans men are safer in women's prison? Shit I thought no sex was inherently better/kinder/safer than the other

6. nothing big but I had some trans men talk about the "gender euphoria" of being able to walk around the beach without a shirt after a double masectomy- which I like to call it instead of top surgery bc doesn't sound quite nice now. And like bestie???? Of course it makes you happy????? A natural part of you isn't being sexualixed by society?? Going barechested with no chance of harassment is like a dream to me? I know that's sounds a bit dramatic but I'm a person I like the sun too I like rolling about in the sand too. It's just such a personal big deal to me. You know that one post about hiw some girls get the "luxury" of spending girlhood as a sexless little thing. And thats not true youve still got gender roles to be forced to but at least youre a little protected from sexualizatuon. Well amyways I'm an immigrant american and got to swim barechested like the boys when little and now that I'm grown in America I can't and i had another point but I lost it now. It's just, those little things that bother me. The big things too of course

7. I had an eating disorder starting in middle school, 6th grade. I was a little 12 year old starving and I won't share specific numbers but it was bad. I just kinda wanted to thank you and radfem tumblr for being a major part in moving me into a better mind set. Those posts of how "you're pretty as you are" never worked. Being able to look into why society/patriarchy is the root cause and not a natural state of my mind gave me control, learning to empathize more with women got me to realize my mother my aunts my mother's women friends my female teachers and all the rest of the women in my life I regularly look up to or emulate are all ppl I emulate not bc of their looks, and that focus on women being women no matter the differences in our bodies was all so so so freeing and solidifying and grounding and eyeopening. Anyways, thank you. But I'm really horrified to find my stomach really has shrunk. I've been nauseous for a while now trying to eat enough again and grow it. And I think about it now with the feminist perspective you've helped me develop and I'm just horrified what I did to myself. I can see I shrunk my stomach, what else did I do? What else to my body or organs? What else to my development? My mind? I firmly believe eating disorders stunt growth in puberty- the last largest developmental stage- for women so much, call it intuition. But I guess that's the point

8. Something I've heard from male Healthcare practitionars is that women don't really develop more after periods become constant(not skipping around playing truant like when you first get it) and I just think that's absolute bias bc just being a women looking at my friends grow they're change so much. I got my friends together and we estimated between the 20 of us we've grown 1.8 inches average after our periods got regular. We've all felt our bodies change. We hold fat differently. Just that constant bias in everywhere even Healthcare

-drag queens suck but remember vine? Remember those long videos of men with shirts/towels on their heads being "funny" but videos of women with fake mustaches/wearing flannel shirts being called embarrassing? And now how on tik tok men get to do the same thing while women don't really do the opposite anymore to get any views. There's the beard filter but it tisnt the same and isn't as mocking

10) I feel like terms like fat phobia, ageism and similar words that have been brought up are just to disconnect from seismic. Like it's just sexism, or at least mainly sexism. Like fat men will pretend to be oppressed when fat women are the ones most effected. Old men I don't even wanna defend myself for, it's just Old women getting a raw deal

11) I was never comfortable around trans women like I am around regular women. I use their pronouns bc path kf least resistance and i dont really care. And tras always act like that's bias I need to "unpack". Well they got me to push down my intuition and think I'm bad for thinking it but all it took for me to peak was to freely think about why that is. Answer: they're born men, stupid you literally know better

12) well actually it'd be more accurate to say I really peaked when saying lesbians aren't attracted to penis became bigotry. Like mf leave those ladies alone and "unpack" your cognitive dissonance

13) I don't hate trans people. I think they suffer mentally and should be supported. But everyone's just being nice calling them a man/woman. Like it's not your true identity stfu. Like using the wrong pronouns will make them kill themselves? Bruh chill if words hurt you that much it's sign a mental illness. But of course, saying that's unhealthy is also bigotry

14) apparently lgbtq+ being together is for the betterment of us all but like. Lgb ppl would literally have such an easier time without trans ppl in everything? Sexual orientation and gender identity are two seperate things like damn

15) want to again thank you for opening my eyes into why I always kinda knew gender identity is stupid. You're right gender doesn't exist and gender stereotypes are literally so strong despite ppl acting like misogyny is over. A explanation for gender I could finally accept without cognitive dissonance and this one post about the amount of glaad focus on trans ppl versus other opened my eyes right open

16) I tried to accept trans ideology so hard bc the way they try and make it is is either their stance or violent conservative stances that don't even belive women are ppl. They make a fake dichotomy and boom, I accepted their thoughts bc between the two choicespresented, knew the better one. Anyways, all those term blocklists and misinformation are totally bc you ruin the dichotomy they love. Like, they'll always talk about conservative men. Trans youtubers pull up conservative tweets and shit all the time. But for you, suddenly we don't engage. Suddenly, it's a block. It's a dni, it's a weird ass shinigami eye. Bc engaging with you is mentally satisfying. And then when nobody intervals with you, lump them with conservative men to preserve the dichotomy. Actually seeing what you have to say and your understanding and your actually putting women first was like something clicking in my mind.b

16) trans ppl literally nake life hell if you're gender nonconforming. Ppl start saying your an "egg" for just fucking being an unshaved woman. Like oh my god shut up I'm tired of you. And then other ppl against gender non conformity? They were calling ppl a boy/girl for stupid stuff like which toys you play with when i was a kid and now? They also call you trans man/ trans woman. Tras talk about how terfs side with conservatives but both them and tradition gender roles ppl act like a girl is a boy for not liking skirts they can't run in. Like somethings wrong if a girl wants short hair that won't tangle and won't have their moms brushing it out in the most painful way possible with little care

17) I've had more ideas but I've lost them 😭. Just know that im really changing the way i livs my life with the radical feminism ive intercated with on this site. Sometimes I'm sure it might not feel great posting here, but you've helped me a lot. Anyways have a good day and a happy new year!

1. Yeah, I get that. While it was fucking disgusting and it’s normally men talking about forcing their dicks into lesbians, you’re right that she was much more polite than typical men. Really reads like a woman playing at a male power fantasy -disgusting and horrible, but nearly as violent as men normally are.

2. I remember seeing it at some point and I can’t remember if I ended up reading it or not? If I did then it was long enough ago that I’ve forgotten it but I should probably check it out again.

3. Yes, I did. I live in Scotland, lol. I honestly don’t know what effects it’s going to have as it’s about the changing of legal documents, though I can’t imagine any of them are going to be good. Self-ID is pretty much respected here by most places already (I went to a bar a couple of weeks back where the bathrooms were labelled as ‘2 stalls’ and ‘1 stall, 1 urinal’) so it’s not going to be the day to day things which are going to change but any statistical recordings: crime reports, % of job applications by women, etc.

4. Yep, and even then they show complete misunderstanding of all their arguments. I’ve seen things like ‘I don’t care who’s in the stall next to me’ which is true, but I do care if they’re going to peer over to watch me or put on a spy cam to make porn of me or sexually assault me when I’m out of the stall? They put it down to being weirded out that a male might be pissing next to you.

Then they argue that the bathroom in your own home is gender neutral, ignoring the fact that the bathroom in your own home is shared between you and the people that you live with or any guests that you have over. It is not shared with dozens upon dozens of strangers who may or may not have the intention to just pee and get on with their lives.

And yeah, it’s literally always the bathrooms in which they argue this stuff. They don’t discuss changing rooms. They don’t discuss shelters/rape crisis centres. They don’t discuss wards on hospitals. They don’t discuss care homes. They don’t discuss prisons. All these places where women are much more vulnerable than in a bathroom and which will also be affected by self-ID laws but which they could never argue aside from saying that it’s wrong for trans women to be excluded and that there’s no way men will abuse self-ID laws in these spaces.

5) Because everything TRAs say ends in contradictions. Trans men should, by all accounts, end up in male prisons. But actually they’re safer in female prisons so let’s just leave them there? Suddenly, safety matters when discussing trans prisoners but almost no other prisoners - especially the female prisoners who are forced to be housed with TIMs!

6) That’s one of the things which is so difficult to explain to TRAs and get people to understand: women are so heavily sexualised and constantly being watched, so being able to just feel free must be so good! I understand why they feel the way they do but doesn’t make it gender euphoria.

7) I’m sorry to hear that your struggled with an ED but glad to hear that you found something which helped. I also always hated the ‘you’re pretty as you are’ rhetoric because while I understand why it was common and supported, it still lent into that misogynistic view that women exist to be eye-candy for men rather than accepting that women are people who deserve to just exist in peace.

8) I hadn’t heard the regular thing before. I heard something about how you supposedly stop growing something like 18 months after starting periods? Which sort of worked out for me. Either way, the female body is so understudied that it’s difficult to know what’s true and what’s old wives tales these days.

9) Yep. Hundreds upon hundreds of videos of men just mocking women. Though I have to say that I’ve been lucky and TikTok has also had some really feminist trends. #womeninmalefields is probably one of my favourite trends. Weaponised incompetence has picked up. I know ‘married single mother’ is a term which picked up a lot and women resonate with it. It’s good to see so many women jumping on these feminist trends and getting the word out because I’m sure it’s helped women, even if many don’t think it applies to them.

10) There’s something to be said about ageism existing, not just because older women are erased from media but also because of active discrimination against ‘Gen Z’ employees as they are considered to be inherently lazy as well as laws like minimum wages which discriminate against younger employees. BUT I do agree that there is a heavy cross over with misogyny specifically, especially something like medical misogyny/fat-phobia has a high cross over.

11) It’s always the ‘unpack this’ and ‘unpack that’ as if you are not within your right to just be uncomfortable with a whole ass man in a women’s space. This is why I hate that they’ve attached themselves to LGB and use terms which oppressed classes used: they can continue to act like other people’s discomfort is that person’s problem because, as the cis oppressor, they are the one with the privilege and the progressive people around them have to accept it because they support trans people as an oppressed class.

12) ‘Lesbians can like dick and it’s actually bigoted of them to not’ is probably the most common reason for people peaking. When I ran peaktransstories (before it got banned and when I used to borrow the stories from r/GenderCritical in the good old days), it was by FAR the most common reason which caused people to either peak or at least look into these things.

13) Same as me. I don’t hate trans people for ‘being trans’. I think many of them are struggling with their identities, especially where their identity is rooted in internalised homophobia and/or misogyny. For those who are struggling with dysphoria, I think they need a lot of mental health help. I hate some trans people/allies for spreading misogyny, homophobia, and other hate, but I do not believe that all trans people are like that./

14) I hate how much trans people have become a parasite to LGB people. Like, it’s not even the being in the movement together, it’s the wanting to centre themselves into every conversation and acting like because trans people from decades ago fought for LGB rights that it’s then their turn (even though said trans people were LGB and ignoring all the actual LGB people who fought for LGB rights?)

15) Aww, I’m glad my blog was helpful for you!

16-1) Same! I really did try to accept it and put it down to one of these things which I was never going to fully understand because I am not trans, but the inconsistencies and gender stereotypes really got to me! And then you come online and it’s suddenly very culty. Like I don’t know any other group who openly says like ‘don’t follow these people, don’t read their posts, don’t understand their points’ and tries to convince people that they’re consistently actively lying and manipulating you! Healthy groups encourage viewing the opinions of the opposing side, understanding their views, and then disagreeing with their actual views.

16-2) ‘Egg’ stuff is always so annoying because it’s almost always something like ‘I liked something which is seen as typically really girly/masculine’. You can just like a thing? What happened to trying to break gender stereotypes?

17. You had 16 ideas and you still had others that you forgot?

[waklman]

Not Strong Enough

summary: bradley struggles to understand his grief or you ask bradley why he doesn’t like when people take care of him.

warnings: heavy talks of parental death, mental health, and medicine/medication. 18+ blog.

word count: 1.8k

this is for boygenius fans who also took the line ‘once i took your medication to know what it’s like’ line quite literally bc haha same 👍🏻, not sure if it'll even translate well but lol

something ‘bout you masterlist.

Bradley Bradshaw had been a freshly twenty three when he first discovered that yellowed pill bottle hidden away in his bathroom cabinet. For all these years, the plastic casing was stashed behind a deteriorating box of waterproof band-aids and a decade-old bottle of rubbing alcohol, not meant to be found by anyone else but Carole Bradshaw. 

So, when his innocent search for a first aid kit ended with him blankly staring at a cluster of tiny blue tablets spilled into the palm of his hand, the first thought that crossed his mind was to put it away. He knew his mother was no longer around to finish off her prescription, he should put them back where she had originally left them. It’d be wrong if he were to toss them down, especially when they weren’t his to take.

But Bradley Bradshaw did it anyway. 

In swallowing down the expired medication, cupping a handful of sink water to aid himself, a sick expectation had welled up within Bradley that night. A part of him hoped that once they dissolved in his stomach—he’d finally be able to understand why she needed them in the first place—that it would give him a glimpse into the mind of the woman he was so curious about. That, if he just had a mere taste of what Carole Bradshaw had taken daily without his knowledge, he'd somehow be closer to her in that way.

Once they settled, Bradley would be able to encapsulate her essence, gaping that bridge he wedged between them. Perhaps then, he'd stop feeling so guilty for looking like a splitting image of her dead husband while she was combating her grief. 

But for a plastic tube so brightly colored, it held something so unbelievably numb.

Laying stiffly across the bed he’d already started to outgrow, limbs dangling off the ends of the mattress, a black hole began to materialize—tearing right through his chest that night.

Carole Bradshaw never had to outwardly say it, but Bradley knew she struggled with things he couldn’t begin to fully comprehend as a young boy, barely grazed by the cruelty of the world. So, he did his best to not be another problem for her to deal with growing up, as she had fair share of those in her lifetime. 

In elementary school, Bradley was the only student seated quietly, scribbling drawings of airplanes into his name tag with a thick blue crayon, while everyone else cried for their parents on the first day of school. It had been a strange revelation for a child to come to, that he needed to learn how to be alone—how to be without his parents, in case they both weren’t there anymore.

Yet, by the second grade he came to terms with that. 

And throughout highschool and college, Bradley made sure to stay out of the line of trouble, for the sake of his mother who made herself sick with worry. Despite what others may think, Bradley paid special attention to his grades, in the same way Carole tended to the burst of star shaped lilies planted in their backyard. And in times where he felt alone during his youth, it almost felt cruel to voice that back to his mother when she asked him ‘How was your day sweetheart?’

It was only when she passed that he finally cried out to her, gripping onto that limp hand by the hospital bedside. It was only when Bradley was truly alone in his life that he felt it was enough to finally say it outloud. 

But in his true nature, Bradley bounced back.

The realization that came to him when he was a child, that he’d eventually stretch out the rest of his life alone, hit him again. Moving forward, he had been so sure that he’d be fine with that. There was no room to feel a semblance of pain if he kept everyone at an arm's length away. It somewhat worked to ease him off the loss of Carole, and it should work with everything else in life. But, the universe had different plans for him, when they led him to you.

It had been another night you two spent staring at the stars, sitting on the same blanket on his front lawn, where Bradley found himself not thinking twice about everything he said. Maybe it was the comfort the night sky provided him, or maybe it was because he was just talking to you.

“Hey Bradley?” you call out for him, cutting through the silence. “Why don’t you let people do things for you?”

Bradley keeps his eyes trained on the lights dusted besides the full moon, knowing you were looking at it too. “What do you mean?” He softly asks, delaying a bit.

Slowly, you turn your head, admiring freckles that speckled across his cheek. They lightly danced over the scars adorning his face, and just barely kissed over the tip of his nose. And despite the array of stars twinkling right in front of you, trying to catch your attention again as they glimmered—you had always found him much more mesmerizing.

Bradley Bradshaw was a once in a lifetime sight you had the privilege of seeing up close. And for that reason, you can’t look away from him, not now at least. 

“When people let you skip them in line, you don’t do it,” you warily pause, watching Bradley nod as you start. “Then you do that thing where you buy your own beers before your team gets to the Hard Deck, so they don’t beat you to it,” you bite your lip, digging through your list of observations.

“And you have this look when I do stuff for you, like, you don’t understand why I’m making you lunch or why I’m buying you stupid things that remind me of you,” you finally share, stretching your legs out. 

The silence that lingers after is heavy.

Bradley takes in a quiet breath, reminded by the life sized teddy bear you lugged into his apartment just last week. “It’s not something I’m used to,” he provides weakly, recalling the way you excitedly screeched at him when the bear fit perfectly on his couch. He’s still not looking at you as he continues. “It’s..it’s dumb. But the idea of someone looking after me, even if it's in a small way. I just…it feels weird for me.” 

Everyone he knew, acted as if they hit the jackpot when someone else confessed that they loved them ardently. But while others wished for a moment like that, Bradley wished against it—it would be too burdensome for him. Bradley never wanted someone to love him again, not until now.

“Do you…not like when I do things for you? Is that something you don’t–”

“No. When it’s you, it feels different, ” he cuts you off suddenly. “When you pack me lunch, I feel good eating it. I don’t…I don’t feel guilty eating it,” his head drops, hanging forward like a weight. There had been so many times he secretly threw up his own mother’s cooking, thinking it would hurt less if he didn’t take her token of love. “I hate feeling bad about things like that, it’s not normal,” he confesses.

You blink back the tears coating your eyes, not wanting to lose sight of his starlike freckles. “I want to help you feel good Bradley,” you whisper, fingers twitching at your side.

Swallowing thickly, your eyes dart between the solemn expression he’s wearing and the scrunch his fingers give the thin blanket below him. “I want you to feel okay with being loved, you deserve it as much as anyone else does. I want that for you now, and I think…I would’ve wanted it for you if we were both kids.—if I was lucky enough to know you when I was ten.” 

At that, Bradley finally smiles, and it doesn’t seem so tasking to do so. “Would you have sat next to me in class?” He finally turns to you, starting a study of your face, realizing that you glow brighter than the stars shining above both of you.

“In class, and during lunch time. Then we would have hung out during recess too because obviously I win you over with my charms,” you softly smile at him, playing with the idea.

It’s too late for it now—the possibility of you two growing up together as kids. But a part of Bradley likes to imagine it anyway.

If you had been there during his quiet walks home from school, it would have kept his tears from falling. If you fell over in a heated game of tag, he would’ve kissed over your bruised knees like he does now. And if you were there when he came home to an empty house, he wouldn’t have taken Carole’s medication to know what it’s like to be someone who loved him.  

“What if all I did was draw the ugliest airplane models?” 

“I was a pretty weird kid. I’d probably sit there drooling while watching you doodle,” you confirm, biting your lip to suppress a small laugh.

Bradley extends his hand out to you, uncurling your lip from your teeth to hear it spill from you. Right as he does, you finally giggle in his palm. “Hey, don’t start droolin’ on me Babybear,” he warns, laughing with you.

With his hand cupping your cheek, he leans in to press a quick kiss to your smiling mouth. “I wish we could’ve been kids together,” he cements, pulling back. 

“Bradley,” you lean into his hand, warming his calloused palm. “Did you forget about us snatching the last toy plane right from that kid in Target the other day?” 

Bradley lightly shrugs, tracing his hand up to tousle your hair. “We have more fun with that plane than he ever will,” he decides, leaving his hand there, holding the top of your head firmly. 

Head clamped under his fingers, you nod. “I bet he wishes he could fly it as high as we do when I’m sittin’ on your shoulders.”

“That’s right,” he gradually nods in agreement. 

“Speaking of, let’s go back inside and fly it after you take your medication,” you sternly point a finger at him, pairing it with a look.

Bradley mindlessly begins to draw an outline of a plane into your scalp, using his index resting over the back of your head. “Will you feed it to me?” 

“That’s a silly question. You know I always do,” you tilt your head slightly. 

Bradley softens, finishing off his invisible sketch, adding the detail to the airplane wing. 

“Yeah, you always do,” he echoes. 

Lieutenant Bradshaw had been thirty nine when he first discovered he’d been prescribed the medication his mother once took. Instead of her name printed across the label, there was his name. Bradley Nick Bradshaw.

But, when it finally came time to take it, Bradley was never shaking above the sink, apprehensive as it spilled out into his palm, no. Because you were always there, softly whispering I love yous as you gently dipped it into his mouth.

Bradley Bradshaw was never left curious about how it felt to love someone like him, not when you kept telling him how rewarding it was.

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[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] its ok anon's with me (a lie, but we are in this together) now i Want it too give us the agenda

KJDSGHKJHSDGSDHLKIUHG omg hiiiiii bestie hope ur having a good night <333

i am seeing this 30 minutes before i have to go to work Hopefully That Is Enough Time. okay. okay. actually im probably gonna go between copy&pasting and paraphrasing

no bc i accidentally had the thought of "how would scaramouche and diluc even interact" bc. my fave who i am insane abt & asters fave who he is insane abt and i got curious. and suddenly.

slaughtering fatui together. hunting down harbingers one by one together. not even fucking SPEAKING to each other while they're spending time together but instinctively watching each others backs (and their own, of course, but the longer it goes on and the more they get used to it the more they realize that they trust). scaramouche's back aches where the tubes were attached and dilucs hand and arm ache too and they get it they understand. scaramouche would wrap diluc's arm just enough to keep it compressed and diluc would keep a hand warm enough to feel even through the many layers on scaramouche's back and they'd pretend not to see the other flinching at every strike of lightning, relaxing with every boom of thunder.

if anyone who was rude or arrogant or had any kind of power tried to speak over them or turned their attention on them. they would both be So Fucking Disrespectful. expressions like stone and so clearly looking so far down on them, scaramouche sneers and diluc scoffs their eyes roll their arms are crossed neither of them could care less if they tried and they'd be so cold about it, they match each other's energy so well in that regard.

they wear the same frozen expression staring down at a fatui member pleading for their life. share the same silent mercy on the occasion that a child gets wrapped up in everything. feel the same all-consuming fury towards the fatui tamed and tempered only by the fact that it doesnt make either of them feel any less empty, any less cold.

scaramouche recognizes the scars. he's seen countless people lose parts of themselves, if not everything, to delusions. he doesnt say anything. doesnt know what he could say even if he wanted to. whats the point? but he remembers where delusions are being produced, and those facilities are prioritized above all else. diluc doesnt ask any questions. they both pretend not to know.

and they dont consider themselves friends. they're colleagues, maybe. they will not ever Be anything more than colleagues. even as they learn to fight together effortlessly, even as they watch out for one another as well as they do themselves, even as they become a storm that devastates so much of snezhnaya. even as they treat each other's wounds and recognize each other's scars and feel the same fury and the same coldness and the same deep, all-encompassing regret. even as they grieve. they barely talk, they dont banter, they have no inside jokes. every shared touch is one born of violence, whether in the midst of the fight or the aftermath. even as sometimes one of them gets a little Too far into their own head and the other spends god knows how much time ever so slowly coaxing them back to reality. even as they share meals and advice on all sorts of things, from dealing with the snow to how to improve the way they kill. they aren't friends. they will never be friends. but they'll be colleagues and they'll be shattered reflections of each other and they'll be bloodied, broken pieces of defenses that rise to hurt everyone around them but most of all themselves in the process. they'll recognize the light in each other's eyes and the rare softness when mentioning a certain name, will know that both of them would do anything to kill for this person but are torturously, furiously, brokenly trying so fucking hard to teach themselves how to live, instead, because that's what that person would want for them above all else.

they both agree that violence is so much easier than love.

wanderer barely speaks when he's with diluc and they head to sumeru at somepoint just because he has to or wants to check in, maybe because the fatui are trying to stir something up there again, and diluc watches the way he and nahida bicker and banter and how animated and dramatic wanderer can get when he's with someone he really loves. and another time they end up in mondstadt and kaeya visits and diluc has never been soft, never been tender, even when dressing wounds he's fast, he's efficient, neither he nor scaramouche care or flinch when it hurts. but now diluc is gentle, just barely, hidden concern laced in his tone rolling his eyes, scoffing, trying not to smile, asking questions where the true meaning is always are you okay and how are you doing and do you need me here for you. both of them outsiders witnessing the kind of care from the other that they will never know firsthand.

and at the same time, the others dont know, do they? no one can watch the other's back like they can, no one can fight with the other like they can, no one has that deeply ingrained trust and knowing they've both built with each other. the understanding is enough. the quiet is enough. no one else can look at them and see what they see when they're looking at each other. no one else can recognize it. a handful of tiny parts of themselves, reserved solely for the other. it is not love. it is not care. it just is.

they devastate snezhnaya and go their separate ways and a few years later they run into each other again and fresh wounds have turned to scar tissue and they're living for themselves or at least learning how to, trying so hard to, and what the fuck are they supposed to do? supposed to say? every moment they spend knowing each other was born of violence and hatred and revenge and despair, desperation and grief and every ugly thing they've since so carefully untangled and tried to lay to rest. the things that had brought them together don't hurt the way they used to.

someone bumps into diluc. he did just all but freeze in the middle of the street, after all, and scaramouche scowls, weaves his way through people and grabs dilucs wrist to drag him away because god, get out of the fucking way, what, never been to a real city before? and diluc scowls and yanks his hand away but he still follows, he's not used to this many people being around and navigating such crowds, sue him. and scaramouche asks what he's even doing there and diluc explains and then they're falling into step, matching each other's strides instinctively, and then they're meeting up while diluc is in the city and then scaramouche is finding excuses to visit mondstadt and they're bickering and bantering and arguing over the stupidest shit, and its kind.

its kind.

sometimes they look at each other for a little too long and the emptiness begins to ache and the fire begins to burn only to be snuffed out again as the other makes some stupid comment and they fall right back into place. both of them feeling absolutely Horrified with themselves as they realize, separately, that when they think of their friends he of all people comes to mind. what the fuck? when did that happen? but at the same time, itd been... different, going on without the trust they had between them. and now that that trust is back with far more stable foundation, neither of them is entirely willing to let it go.

so different but with this deep and profound understanding of each other in ways that no one else knows of or could understand. mirrors shaped so differently still reflecting one another.

scaramouche knowing diluc as a murderer and a ruthless bastard who'll fight as dirty as he needs to to get shit done, the man who spits blood from his mouth and keeps going the man who's cold and stoic and couldnt care less about his reputation beyond making it as horrific as possible. and Then going to mond after it all and hearing about master diluc. the insane respect with which everyone refers to him with. the Praise everyone seems to have for him. diluc HATES alcohol. scaramouche knows that diluc hates alcohol. why the FUCK is everyone who mentions his name talking about alcohol. first hearing tales of the darknight hero and Squinting.

scaramouche not wearing his usual hat in snezhnaya because its unfortunately his most identifiable feature and he doesnt want anything he does here to get tied back to sumeru or nahida in any way. better to blend in, to appear unassuming, to have eyes roam over him rather than linger. diluc entering sumeru. vendors at stalls, people at the harbor, akademiya students- hat guy this, hat guy that. did you read hat guys new paper? have you seen hat guy around? its been a few weeks, im starting to miss the bastard. i asked hat guy for help with one of my research projects and he was a fucking jackass but he also pointed out books i hadn't realized i could use for information, it was so worth it. why hasnt hat guy been around? did you manage to trick him into trying something sweet again? you know how much he sulked about it last time.

this hat guy is pretty well known, huh. wonder what the deal is with him.

ummmm and then we also made lots of silly little jokes and images and sent lyrics back and forth abt it <3 aster pyre diluculums my Everything im so srs i owe him my life.......... none of this would be possible without him OR without us constantly enabling each other amen <3

[hajimine]

THIS IS GOODBYE !! >:)

long story short, i wanna focus on my uni work + my real life more but tumblr is way too addicting so i’m gonna have to kick it out of my life entirely <3

but for all you nosy people out there (yes you reading this rn i know you wanna snoop around mhm) here’s a way-too-long explanation as to why i’m gonna go ghost ! woo !

on this post i’ll also be answering some of the asks i frequently get so please read through them before asking again ! having to repeat myself again and again gets really tiring v.v

KEEPING IN CONTACT

discord: send an ask off anon/dm me !

new blog: anyone without bad intentions are welcome, moots or not ! just send an ask off anon <3

THE BASICS

why are you leaving? i’ve sort of explained it before the cut but yeah, tumblr is a lot of fun and i do still enjoy writing, but i feel like i waste way too much time on here and get nothing valuable in return, so i’d rather focus my time and energy on something much more important to me like my studies.

but.. you can just cut down on your posting, why leave entirely? nah im an all or nothing type of gal so that won’t work for me. i’ll go back down the obsessive rabbithole and repeat the cycle, so i’d rather do a full detox yk?

wtf why all of a sudden? i know i know sorry lol :,) i just realized that i need to get my shit together and set my priorities straight and this is the best way to do it.

why are you making such a big deal out of this? shhhhhhhut up. some people asked me about it and they’re curious, so if you aren’t, then gtfo ^^ also i don’t want to leave without an explanation bc i’ve been on the receiving end before and i know that it’s not a pleasant feeling to find out that someone you liked/followed disappeared without warning.

THE BLOG

will you deactivate? no probably not. i love this blog it has lots of good memories :>

will you delete your works? as of now, nope. but there’s a pretty big possibility that i’ll say fuck it and delete everything so enjoy them while they last hehe

do you have a new blog? yep! it’s a personal blog though, and i might or might not write again on the new blog—so don’t get your hopes up. if you do want to keep chatting with me, i’m more than happy to hang out with you there! (i won’t be as active there as i was here though)

are you gonna continue writing? in the long run: most probably yeah. i love writing so i’ll probably find my way back here (or on ao3!) but right now, i need to learn what kind of things i want to prioritize my energy on, and writing fanfiction is just… not it lol

blog giveaway? no go away

。。。

braindump:

personally, i’ve had my fair share of discourses and i have come across some nasty people in the various fandoms i’m in, but i don’t think it’s fair to hate an entire group of people just because some people are absolute shitheads. so no, i’m not leaving bc i hate the hq fandom or the jjk fandom or whatever the fuck, i enjoyed my time here bc i never took tumblr seriously—all my love goes to the fandoms tho i hope u guys won’t go up in flames w the amount of dumb discourses i see on dash v.v also no, i’m not leaving bc of hate or anything like that please don’t worry!

i’ve only been here since october 2020 (and started this blog in dec) but it’s been a lot of fun !! so thank you so much to everyone who has interacted with me and my content, all my moots, my lovely anons and followers, i wouldn’t have stayed here if it weren’t for u guys xoxo. also, i’ve met some of my genuine close friends on here, and i have this dumb site to thank for that :>

and to those mfs who have sent me anon hate, talked shit behind my back, plagiarized me, stolen my ideas, stirred up discourse just for the funzies, etc, u guys are disgusting and i’m glad im not gonna see u again. i hope u get well soon. or not. idc <3

if you’ve read this far and you still wanna snoop around well uh, feel free to ask me anything and i’ll try my best to answer >:)

。。。

@ anons i hope u don’t mind that i’m answering your questions this way whoops

[c0ffinrehearsal]

Omg where to start. I have already been punched in the heart over and over with just this first chapter of ywlm. I guess here are just some rambling thoughts?

- that hello kitty boombox. Something that was a symbol of the role you could never fulfill, but also gave you the first thing you could really claim: music. And now claiming it as a tether to your Inner Child, to keep what you choose of Little Sirius and spend some time seeing him and telling him "it's going to be ok see we have our boom box our stuffie our proof we were a child once we existed and that childood happened and now I'm the grown up I'm here and I'm going to take care of you"

-I am ill for the Black brothers and always will be. The "I'm proud of you" is truly the most emotionally poignant thing a younger sibling in a family like that can say to their elder sibling who doesn't quite fit the mold. And the gender validation "big brother" I cry and laugh and celebrate so intensely with Sirius there. And how Sirius wants to protect Reggie but Sirius needs his own protection more than Regulus does. That's a brutal reality for an older sibling: because your younger sibling "fits the mold," they will be more ok than you will be if you don't save yourself. You have to give up the one role you did have: big sibling. Protector.

- the shopping scene omg. I was curious what reading this would feel like, since I am not trans but have major body ish leftover from growing up in the 00's and my god. Wonky sizing, feeling overwhelmed, being able to pick your own clothes instead of your mother doing it and not knowing where to start. I was FEELING Sirius there. It was giving the fitting room in the junior's section of Macy's. And I loved seeing him be brave and pick that skirt because he LIKED it and he could PICTURE himself in it, and start to dream about presenting the way HE wants rather than having to miserably exist in these extreme binaries to try to make things easier for everyone else except himself.

- ok last but not least the queer gaze from James and Remus. I don't know if your James is going to be queer but to me, juxtaposing those two moments side by side is Sirius's introduction to the other side of the mirror, the queer spaces where he will be fully seen and loved for the first time. The fact that just the way they *looked* at Sirius was clocked as Different from how anyone had ever looked at Sirius before, like "he wasn't a problem to solve" (and I'm going to come back to that line), to me that puts all three of them on the queer playing field so to speak. I am wicked pumped for the found family vibes.

-and ok REMUS. Having a boy look at you like that and making you feel like LIKE YOU AREN'T A PROBLEM TO SOLVE is a big fucking deal for an AFAB or femme teen in 2005. I've written about this. A lot. Living under the male gaze is so all-encompassing, it's like the very air you breathe from the moment you're born. And it's not until you're a teen that you realize the implications of it, but in 2005, you have no idea where the exit is. You're just stuck in this maze trying to use whatever tools you have to find some reprieve from having your body always being the first and most important thing that is noticed about you-- like maybe being a "tomboy," or in my case, leaning into purity culture and patriarchal hyper-femininity. I LOVE that Remus is going to be part of that "exit sign" for Sirius- like turn here onto Lupin Avenue for unconditional acceptance and whatever the opposite of objectification is.

Um ok hope this wasn't too much but I've said before I learn so much from your writing so I wanted to share what Things you are making me Think. Can't wait to read more!!!!

okay putting this under a cut bc my response is sooooo long <3

hi hello i’m sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to this - i just haven’t had the time to really sit down and give it the kind of attention it deserves!

the BOOMBOX. one of the first things i pictured when i started writing this was sirius’s boombox. bc Little Sirius needed something to cling onto that he could make his, and that could carry over into their new life. its basically a character in itself lmao i an very attached to The Boombox

sibling dynamics are so important to me. i am the youngest, though, and so when i write about regulus and sirius it’s a flipped situation from mine - i was younger and did not fit in and my sibling was older and Normal. but yes, regulus is very aware that he needs to be a support system for sirius, and all he really needs FROM sirius is for them to be around. they’ll get there. 

a lot of fics (that i love and re-read all the time) explore sirius acting out and like, getting tattoed and stuff once they’re allowed to make their own decisions. in ywlm, sirius is acting against what his parents want, but in the way he can just - let his body exist however he wants to and it does not answer to anyone but them. there are a few other scenes coming up where we get to hang out with sirius while they do a 2000s shopping montage and i love thm.

my james IS queer, yes. everyone is queer to me at this point tbh! a similar thing happens in chapter 2 where like - quuer people just SEE each other, in a way that’s hard to explain to anyone who isn’t. sirius deserves a bizarre little family of misfits and he will get one. i

REMUS oh i LOVE him. he’s so soft in this. also like, it’s weird bc sirius isn’t as aware of that gaze bc he grew up with parents who didn’t really let them out of the house. like they know that it’s bc their parents see him as a girl and treat them differently but he won’t really connect the dots for a minute. so like, for them it’s more of a gender thing. very similar to how it was for me. i’ll go into this a lil more in depth later on, but. anyway REMUS i love the idea of him just being Some Guy and like he’s objectively handsome but sirius doesn’t fall for him bc of that, he falls for remus bc he gets them, exactly as they are. they’re so good for each other i’m :’)

anyway no it’s never too much, thank you so so much for reading my silly little fic. i LOVE talking about it, and i will continue to do so with any and everyone who will let me lol xx 

[taetaespeaches]

Hi! I remember reading one of your asks a while ago where you were talking about how you partially created the gf characters in your fics based on what you thought each of the members would need from a relationship, and I was wondering if you could explain like what you see those traits/skills/emotions being for each of them and if they’ve changed at all since you started writing? Sorry if you’ve already answered this before but i love your writing & thought it would be interesting to hear more!

Oh I love this question! Thanks for asking lovely <3 I'll put my answer below the cut because it gets a little long lol

Jin/Poopsie: I think Jin doesn’t NEED a nurturing partner as much as he DESERVES one. And Poopsie is that. She’s like the mom of the group, she’s always considering everyone else first, and especially Jin. She also encourages him to check in with his emotions more often. I even think with her insecurities that have caused strains on the relationship before can be good for Jin. Like she challenges him to be more understanding and considerate when dealing with other people’s feelings. Also she laughs at literally all of his jokes, like in a very genuine way. And I do think that’s very important lol 

Yoongi/Kid: She lets him be soft. She keeps him on his toes by teasing him and bringing a little chaos into his life. I’m a big believer that chaos and peace can and should coexist and I think they’re perfectly fit to bring that to each other. Also, we know how important music is to Yoongi and Kid is genuinely his biggest fan. Like she believes in him and his musicality, and loves and supports his music more than anyone. And I think he needs and deserves that in a relationship

Hoseok/Petal: Petal brings such a sense of calm and belonging to Hobi. No matter how he comes to her, she accepts him with open arms. He doesn’t have to be anyone in particular or keep up a persona, he can just exist and she will always dote on him and provide him with so much love and security. Plus like this man does not realize how incredible and cool he is and she is constantly there to remind him of just how special and amazing he is. I think these two represent lovers who over time turn into friends. Like that eventually becomes the highlight of their relationship, they’re just each other’s best friend 

Namjoon/Daisy: I think one of the best things about these two is their shared intellectualism, and I think that would be really important to Joon. I think he needs someone who he can share ideas with, talk about art, books, etc, have fucking philosophical discussions with. And she is that. And she also brings her own perspectives which I think he would really love. Also, she’s just fun to have around. Like he truly enjoys his time with her, no matter what they’re doing. Also, she gives him space and I think that’s really important. These two are totally ok spending days apart and coming together in the evening to talk, like there’s just not a lot of pressure 

Jimin/Dear: She’s literally so fun and vibrant and she kind of matches him in that way. Plus she’s so soft. At first it took her a while to really tap into that innate softness bc of her own personal experiences, and that did cause strains- I mean, at first they weren’t really what each other needed. They had to grow with each other to get to that point. But after they patch things up she becomes this really open and comforting person for him. I think Dear is what Jimin needs in that she fully believes in him, she gives him grace, and she just adores the dude- everything about him 

Tae/Peaches: Best friends turned lovers- the ultimate relationship. I think Peaches is what Tae needs bc she’s literally his best friend, she had his best interests at heart since they were eighteen. She’s exciting, she keeps him forever intrigued, and she’s so fucking devoted. She boosts his confidence too which I think he would appreciate a lot. And she’s always curious about him which I think he would love bc who doesn’t want to be found fascinating by their partner? She just adores him and there’s such a strong foundation of friendship that they’re kind of unstoppable together. She also is always there for him when he needs some extra care, or needs to know that it’s ok to not be ok, like she just always has his back 

Jungkook/Holly: She is obsessed with him with I do think Jungkook needs lol. I think he would LOVE to have a partner who is just so crazy in love with him. Also, she teases the hell out of him, their relationship is very playful and I think he would need that and love that. She’s also his safety zone, like he can cuddle on the couch with her and fall into this safety net where he can let out every little worry. And I’m not sure JK does that easily. Plus they’re both artsy and creative and I think that would make them really vibe and I think he’d like sharing this intimate space with someone like that 

[chaoticneurodivergent]

Apologize in advance for this hot mess of a post and I'm probably going to delete it.

Did anyone else who is neurodivergent in any way (especially those who grew up undiagnosed) experience a kind of unique form of scapegoating where you were guilted, shamed, and blamed for things you had no control over for entire childhood by basically all of the adults in your life? Ranging from the classic "You're not living up to your full potential," "You're lazy," etc. comments that I know are common to essentially being treated as the villain child and compared to siblings and treated differently, and the reasons why were all linked to your neurodivergence?

(I explain my personal experience w/ this in the v long paragraph below, feel free to skip it if you don't want to read basically me venting, there's a tl;dr at end)

I know for a fact I was treated differently from my older sister my entire life. She was punished maybe once a month. I was constantly in trouble, and looking back, the things I was punished for were often linked to neurodivergence rather than stubbornness or disobedience. For example, I was in trouble for not falling asleep fast enough, for not being able to stay still in bed or be quiet for the long periods of time it would take me to fall asleep, for having trouble with chores (not noticing things, being slow, getting distracted, being inefficient), for getting distracted during schoolwork or for using improper tone of voice (constantly being told I was "rude" or "disrespectful" and getting told off for talking back when I explained that I truly didn't understand what that meant or how to fix it), for simply not being able to force myself to eat certain foods and being picky, for what I realize now was obvious stimming. After years and years of this, it became my identity in the family. I wasn't behaving badly, I WAS bad. I was called lazy, selfish, careless, trying to hurt everyone, stupid, manipulative, rebellious, disrespectful, disobedient, and too sensitive. But none of that came out of nowhere. I was inconvenient because of my neurodivergence, and since that was never diagnosed, my parents had no way of knowing. I had no excuse or explanation. So the neurodivergence and the bad experiences are so tied together that I can't fully separate them and blame either. Then on top of this, when I try to bring up my concerns, I'm just told "You're fine, you've never been abnormal, don't worry about it." It's hard for me to believe everything's normal and fine when they were the ones telling me I was all of these bad, abnormal things, that I was so different from other children. If I was truly fine and normal, either I truly am all of the things I was called growing up or my parents were just cruel without excuse. And I feel so much guilt, bc so many ppl who experienced scapegoating or verbal abuse were truly good kids. They did nothing wrong. I was bad. And no matter how much I was punished I couldn't be normal or good. But I didn't mean to be. I wanted so badly to be good and I just couldn't do anything right, I just couldn't be like my sister or my classmates. I couldn't do my homework, couldn't do the chores properly, couldn't fall asleep or keep track of anything in my mind or stop getting lost and confused with easy things and needing help. I truly don't blame my parents. I was not an easy child. But I didn't mean to be bad. So it seems like there's a unique experience of the intersection between neurodivergence and parents who maybe aren't the best at parenting. And that isn't mimicked really by anything else.

Tl;dr I don't know if anyone else experienced this or it's just a my family thing and I'm curious, but I'm thinking there might be a specific experience of being neurodivergent and being scapegoated / emotionally abused due to traits you have little to no control over due to parents or just adults in society who don't know how to deal with your neurodivergence and instead blame it all on you and expect you to figure out how to be normal or pay the price.

[7fckingidiots]

Would you be alright with writing some HCs about the brothers and a MC who's a trans guy? Sorry if it's a tall order or too vague, they're a big comfort for me and I'd like to see what ideas you have bcs your headcanons are fantastic ;w;

HELL YEAH DUDE!!!! IM ALSO TRANS!!! AH!!!!! demigirl rights :3 but i also find a huge comfort in the boys and i hc all of them as trans because no one can Stop Me •• but i really hope you enjoy these and remember you’re valid and i care u so much! Also i hope you don’t mind but i kinda made it gender neutral so every trans folk could enjoy!

The Brothers With A Trans MC

Lucifer

He didn’t know until you came out to him honestly. He knew all his other siblings were trans but with all the work Diavolo gave him and adding new students from different realms on top of that he hadn’t really had time to notice any minor changes in you.

He feels guilty about this and immediately makes sure(like everyone else)to ask for your pronouns, name, and how you would like to present yourself from now on.

Fixes your ID cards and your papers with Diavolo right after dinner

God. He’s such a dad and he gets you things that have your new name on them. You wake up to see you have a new pencil case with your name embroidered on it with matching pencils. God.....he’s so weird i love him so much

Asmo does most of your clothing shopping but for formal wear he takes you shopping! He’s not about to buy you some cheap tux or gown ok it’s gonna be over 2000 grim and he’s gonna get you three of them STOP HIM

He’s not the best with verbal affection so he writes down notes that are like “you looked very handsome/pretty today.” or when he first starts writing them they’re like “you’re a boy/girl/kid. i’m proud of you.” Thank u mr morningstar

You want surgery or to start hormones??? He will stop all his work with Diavolo and spend forever looking up things for you, he wants you to be as safe as possible(pls he almost fainted after he realized you’d have to give yourself a shot like everyday dhdhdhjdhd hc that demons/angels don’t have to do hormone therapy i’m so JEALOUS)

Practices saying your pronouns in his study when you first come out. He just wants to make sure you feel as safe as possible in his care(and he remembers how terrible it felt to be misgendered)

Guess what....he loves you no matter what :)

Mammon

You’re blind as hell if you couldn’t see his top scars but I respect it

King DOES slip up on your pronoun change but always immediately corrects himself. Satan has a spray bottle that he sprays Mammon with when he does it. Mammon is NOT amused but the same can’t be said for Belphie.

Gender affirming activities??? Oh yeah like robbing a bank?? That’s pretty gender neutral and trans right?? Yeah!!! Wow such a good supportive brother.

If you want you can wear the formal wear Lucifer bought you to the said bank heist. Boom trans rights

You can practice painting his nails or doing his makeup if you’re too nervous to do it on yourself first!! Dw if it’s bad he also can’t do makeup or paint nails so once you let him return the favor you’re both laughing and Asmo is distraught.

KING at dying hair he will get you whatever you need and if you want an entire different hair cut entirely he’s ON it

Very used to being Loud and Brash but if you need someone to talk to about anything really he always calms down and sits down to listen to whatever you have to say.

Lots of gendered gifts from him. This said for men??? Oh ok adds to cart. Oh pink??? For ladies??? yeah that can go in there too

You’re never gonna believe this.....But he loves you and supports you :)

Levi

He was the first one to come out to you at the house!! He was just so excited! Same hat!!!

Gets literally any video game where you can design the protag/have custom pronouns and will play games like that with you for hours

Would you like a pride flag.....for u.....He has too many.....Please take the trans flag please he has no room....he bought in bulk for a pride event and didn’t consider the consequences of his actions

Miku binder but irl. He will get if for you but unironically.....thanks King. He just likes binders with patterns and i respect IT

Dysphoria?? He gives you his hoodie bc that was his trademark dysphoria hoodie and i GUESS for you he can share............he would give u anything just ask nicely he’s sensitive

Reads any character that matches up with your gender and is like!!!!! That’s you!!!! OMG!!!! You in da IRL

Goes back and edits his tweets if they use your old name or pronouns(also has he/they in his bio. this is for nothing just makes me :D)

If you haven’t chosen your name he’s gonna suggest so many fictional characters. POV levi kin assigns you.

You listen to music together that just has Trans Vibes.....maybe u cry together but there’s no judgment!! It’s just nice :)

God it’s wild but! He loves u and thinks ur great :)

Satan

Enby Satan. That’s all :)

He’s very quite about it, he supports you! He’s just not loud like his brothers

He brings you book about gender studies and LGBTQ history that he thinks would interest you(there some of his favorite books and they’ve made him feel the most comfortable in his gender)

Gives you a name list if you haven’t named yourself yet! He cares about you and wants to make sure you have the right name that suits you

He’s the one that tells you that it’s ok if you’re still figuring it all out, learning about yourself is a very tricky process and if anyone knows that it’s Satan

Any of the brothers would kill anyone who misgendered you but with Satan that shit is ON SIGHT

Asks you how you know and what were the signs that gave it away to you, but only if you’re comfortable telling him!! He just finds everyone’s experience interesting and would like to know yours as well.

Spells for fucking DAYS Satan personally kills body dysphoria the best he can(mainly bc he’s HIGHKEY afraid of you getting surgery he hates knives so much)

Makes your comfort food for you when you’re feeling down about yourself and will read whatever you want to hear outloud to you.

!!!!!! GET THIS !!!!!! He loves YOU :0

Asmo

Fucking excited!!!! This means you two are going to buy so much clothing together and he gets to style you let’s GO

Buys you whatever you want but he will make you try it all on so be CAREFUL what u wish for.....ur gonna be there till the store closes yeah......

Paints your nails with the trans pride flag!! Also does your makeup and gives you tips on how to look more masculine or fem!!

VOICE LESSONS

He will help you lower or raise the pitch of your voice if it KILLS him. It eventually becomes like a mini class after school

Helps with internalized transphobia! Hes dealt with his fair share and knows how awful it can be and he will NOT being having you experience that as well we r practicing Self Care now

Picks apart any one who misgenders you until they’re crying he has NO fucking time for that behavior in this HOUSE

Sometimes self care is eating whatever you want and sitting in the dysphoria hoodies while watching chick flicks with Asmo

He likes dressing you up but he’s always sure to set boundaries so he never puts you into something that makes you feel uncomfortable

ALSO edits his posts and takes down anything that makes you uncomfortable!!

He loves you so much!!!!

Beel

another one to hand you The Dysphoria Hoodie and it’s very large and comfy!

he’ll help you make out a work out routine that will help you get the body you want and it makes him really happy to work out with you :)

he’s gonna hold your hand if you have to take shots and will give you puppy eyes if you don’t let him. He’s just worried!!!! He wants to help

stands behind you whenever you’re nervous about coming out to someone, he will NOT have someone making you feel bad or misgendering you

he’ll see food with trans pride colors and gives it too you, probably doesn’t even know what it is half the time but it made him think of you so he makes sure to get it for you

he doesn’t trip up on any of your new pronouns or name and makes it seem like he never even knew them. dead name???? what’s that??? a type of sauce?????

will let you vent to him whenever needed and will always make you a sundae after you’ve finished. it’s comically huge but it’s tasty and does make you feel a lot better, thanks beel

makes sure you remember to take off your binder if you’ve been wearing it for more than eight hours! and if you’ve been wearing heels to feel more fem he reminds you to take those off too and has a pair of slippers for you in his room that you can wear instead

hey! get this! He loves you so, so much :D

Belphie

you’re trans? ok kid join the club. he doesn’t make a big deal at all

are you still gonna cuddle with him and join him in his quest to make lucifer’s life difficult? yeah? ok then cool what’s ur name 

if he hears someone misgender you he waits till you’ve left the room and just kills whoever did it, dude’s unhinged what did you expect from him honestly

he’s actually really curious about any hormone therapy you’re on and likes listening to you rant about it to him. he likes seeing your face light up and it partly reminds him of lilith

calls your hormones something stupid like “oh dude, your gamer girl juice arrived.” or “hey your little man potion is here.” ...thanks belphie

will NOT let you sleep in a binder or push up bra!!! not healthy!! let ur chest breath guys 

like mammon, he gets you gendered gifts but they’re so fucking weird? you didn’t need a girls version of a collectable hot wheels set???? he got you blue lightning mcqueen sheets?????? those EXIST here????!!!!! when does he even shop......

introduces you to new people like “this is our resident boy/girl/human. they don’t do much but i think they’re cool.”

he really does care about you but he remembers when he came out he just didnt want people to make a big deal about it so he’s just doing what would have made him feel the most comfortable, but you can still see how much love he has for you when you look into his eyes

he loves you, so, so much :)

[impalementation]

if you're interested, i'd love to hear your thoughts on That scene in empty places, bc the way that i've seen most people talk about it doesn't always feel very nuanced and like... i get being frustrated and i for sure think some extremely unfair things to/about buffy were said, but i don't think it's as cut and dry as buffy being totally blameless (even though i love her) and everyone else (particularly the main scoobies, who don't have her responsibilities but have fought alongside her and earned the right to disagree w her imo) being terrible. Like it may have gone too far?? But idk, I have trouble articulating why, but I think there's more nuance to the situation than people want to say, so I'm curious about your thoughts

Anonymous asked:

whats your take on empty places and the scoobs kicking buffy out of her house?

Anonymous asked:

Why did Buffy allowed Dawn to kick her out in Empty Places?

Wow, so many questions about “Empty Places”! Sorry, as ever, that these took me a while to get to.

I actually agree, I think there’s more nuance there than it’s given credit for. I talked about that a bit in this post a while back. I wouldn’t say that the character build-up to that scene is as well-executed as it could have been, but it hardly comes out of nowhere, and it’s not some random thing. Or, as I’ve seen people suggest, simply there to make Spike look good and push him and Buffy together. I’m sure their romantic arc was a factor in the storytelling, but to call that the only motivation seems to me a vast oversimplification and dismissal of ideas that were built over the course of the season.

Season seven is, as I’ve discussed before, about how the Slayer system is broken. It’s a system that isolates Buffy and puts all of the decision-making in her hands. Meaning that it’s a system that is neither good for her, nor good for anyone around her, no matter how strong and brave Buffy is. All season long, we see Buffy struggle with both the limits of her power, and the demands of her authority. She wants to be able to save every girl, and fight every ubervamp, but she simply can’t be everywhere and stronger than everything. She wants to be a caring friend, but when she’s the one who has to make decisions about whether people should live or die, she can’t always be. When she’s the one who has to make all the hard choices, that means the blame always falls on her shoulders. When she fucks up, there’s nothing for her to fall back on. The fact that Buffy is forced to be this kind of sole authority means that the people around her are right to feel that they aren’t being listened to, or fully considered. Because often they aren’t. They see the people around them getting maimed and killed and suddenly realize that maybe it isn’t right that all their eggs should be in Buffy’s basket. But at the same time, they’re wrong, because they’re the ones who put their eggs there. They’re the ones who kept looking the other way as Buffy made hard choice after hard choice on their behalf. They’re as complicit in (and victimized by) the broken system as Buffy is.

Keep in mind the season’s perception themes. Everyone gets mad at Buffy, and Buffy gets mad at herself, because they’re all too close to the situation to see that the problem isn’t really Buffy, it’s what being the Slayer has forced Buffy to be. The dynamic it’s forced between her and the people around her. Notice how in the very next episode, Faith finds herself dealing with the exact same problems that Buffy was. The same hard decisions, and the same ambient resentments. It’s actually very important that Faith has to be a leader for a bit, in order to show this--the fact that the problem is being the Slayer, not Buffy. I’d even argue that it’s the much more thematically relevant motivation for the scene than getting Buffy and Spike alone.

As far as thematic motivations go, I also think it’s crucial that Buffy is thrown out of her house. That is some powerful symbolism for a season that leans so hard into the symbolism of Buffy’s house in general, and it’s disappointing to see people ignore it in their eagerness to be mad at everyone. The house is a lot of things—the familiar, the stable, the normative, the safe—but most importantly it’s also Buffy’s self. Notice how Spike and Faith, both Buffy’s shadow at different times, hang out in Buffy’s basement: the realm of the id and subconscious. Notice how as the house breaks down, Buffy gets injured as well.

So for Buffy to be thrown out of her house, it’s the climax of the season’s isolation themes not just in terms of story, but also metaphor. She has literally been cast out of herself. She’s been banished from her identity and role. But at the same time, once she’s on the outside of that myopic, claustrophobic system, she is able to connect with her shadow (Spike) and see the situation with new eyes. The reason that Spike is the one who can talk Buffy back is that firstly, unlike the Scoobies, his later seasons arc is all about learning to not ask Buffy for things that aren’t appropriate--romantic reciprocation, moral structure. Secondly, he was once the tool and symbol of her isolation, the icon of her shame and guilt and belief that she needed to isolate herself. For her to make peace with Spike is about her rejecting that isolation and shame, and transforming it.

Of course, I can talk about symbolism all I want and it doesn’t necessarily matter if the writers didn’t make it believable on the object level too—the level of character and plot and all of that. It’s a regular problem on Buffy, the writing caring more about symbolism than sense. While I think that most of the characters have adequate motivation for the scene—really, it’s been building from the beginning; remember the confrontation between Buffy and Xander as early as “Selfless”? or Buffy fighting with Giles and Wood two episodes earlier? or the way she argued with everyone in “Get It Done”? or the Potentials doubting her from basically their first episodes?—the one character that seems truly undeveloped is Dawn. She got that warning from the First in “Conversations With Dead People”, but the season doesn’t follow up on it well enough to draw a clear line between that seed of doubt and her attitude in “Empty Places.” Given that Dawn is Buffy’s “humanity” or “youth” or what have you, it’s symbolically significant that she would be the final one to cast Buffy out. But that seems like a clear case of the story not earning its metaphor, unfortunately.

To answer the third ask: as far as why Buffy let Dawn kick her out, on a character level I think she was pretty defeated by that point. But symbolically, I think the part about Buffy’s human self rejecting her is important for that. Buffy has a tenuous relationship to her belief in her humanity at the best of times, so it’s pretty easy for me to believe that she would feel lost and numbed enough by being rejected by that part of herself, that she wouldn’t fight it.

(Controversial opinion, but I actually kind of like that “Empty Places” isn’t due to the First sowing obvious discord. I’ve seen lots of people suggest that that would have been the stronger and more believable choice, and I get the instinct. But if the point of the season is to show that the villain is the Slayer system, then it makes more sense for that to be the thing that drives the conflict, and not an external force influencing them. There might have been a way to use the First that was compatible with that, but it wouldn’t have worked if the problem was just The First. Imo, of course.)

All of which is to say, that if you see the season as being about faulty perception, broken systems, and the dangers of isolation, then “Empty Places” actually makes perfect sense as a climax of the season. The problem really comes down to whether you think it was earned enough (which in some cases I think it was, and in others it wasn’t), or generally handled well, and whether you think those ideas are interesting in the first place.

[personasintro]

Hello, I’m not trying to defend rude people coming to you asking you to hurry the story lol but I’m going to tell you something that might help as advice as a writer, maybe? Just please don’t take it the wrong way bc I’m not trying to tell you how to do your thing!

I think what frustrates readers the most is that the story escalated SO QUICKLY from the beginning, like since the “deal” to all the fluff, the “””””fake””””” dating, the sex, the (very obvious) romantic moments that were completely brushed off, not to mention all the confusing things Jungkook says to Y/N and viceversa, etc. AND THEN.. the whole story goes back to (in a sense) zero: Jungkook is back with Kiko, the person that hurted him so deeply on him, Y/N and Jungkook are still friends even after they spended all those weeks being basically like boyfriend and girlfriend and that there’s clearly something there that ALL of us can see (unless you didn’t want us to believe that and we’re all not reading the same story).

And I’m not saying that it’s bad or that you’re doing things the wrong way but IT IS very confusing to us bc its starting to feel like there’s no real character development and everything’s going backwards instead of forward.

Again, I’m not saying this is how you should do this but, as a reader myself, the lack of development, in terms of character and not as a “this is how I want the story to end” type of thing, it’s very frustrating and dryning for some people.

What I’m trying to say is that maybe the people on your ask box aren’t just being obnoxious and trying to tell you how they want the story to end. Maybe they’re mad at the fact that after everything that’s happened between Y/N and Jungkook, they’re still with the same mindset. I mean, even the whole “mutual help” agreement is over and they’re still the same characters when the story began. It makes you wonder if maybe that’s everything there is to their story 🤧

My point it’s that: if the story’s plot it’s based on that “mutual help” they had, isn’t it supposed to bring some noticeable change to the character’s life after instead of just passing by, almost uneventfully?

Anyway, I hope I don’t make you feel mad or sad with my whole ass analysis lol that really isn’t the point of it, I’m just seriously very confused with the way the story is progressing, and maybe clarifying some things, without spoiling anything, may help us readers understand where is this story going. Btw, none of this means that the story or the plot or the characters are bad AT ALL, I would say it’s the complete opposite, we are all SO immersed in it that we’ve got to the point were we’re just desperate for more! But yeah, thank you for your beautiful story! I’ll still check every update even if you decide to complete ignore this question lol ❤️❤️

As much as I appreciate you trying to justify all those asks, it doesn't change the fact how I feel about this whole thing. Frustrated, sad and overwhelmed, that's how I've been feeling for a few weeks now (maybe even months) because some people on this app are too much sometimes. It's one of the reasons why I disabled my asks.

If any of the readers have any problem with how the story is going, I've said too many times they don't have to read it. Them getting all frustrated over how I write my OWN story is ridiculous. People trying to tell me how to write my story is ridiculous. If you guys read my answers to every ask, you probably know by now what makes me frustrated and what bothers me the most. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out and I ask... how the hell people are still being so pushy with their own preferences? I've explained countless things so many times and honestly, I'm exhausted because of it. I feel like nobody listens to me what I'm saying and that puts a little disrespect in my opinion.

+ I get the feeling people don't read MH thoroughly and forget all the things that have been discussed there. I don't get the feeling as if the story went back to zero, I'm sorry that you do but well, I respect your opinion but obviously are opinions about this are very different. I can't believe I've to explain this all over again but well... here we go! y/n and Jungkook being still friends doesn't mean there are things that haven't slightly changed (whether they acknowledge it or not). Them acting like a girlfriend and a boyfriend has been explained by THEM, why they acted like that and even admitted it felt nice. There is an obvious attraction and their deal hasn't helped with that.

+ I know very well what I'm doing with my story [SLOW BURN STORY] and I asked readers many times to just trust me. I'm so freaking frustrated because if people are getting so frustrated over my story too, why the hell are they still reading it? I'm not asking for people to tell me what to do, directly or indirectly because I'm sorry but that's the vibe I'm getting from all those asks. They're not normal and typical asks of "oh I wish they were together" but the length those people are willing to go just to push their own preference is ridiculous.

+ If you think there's no character development (just because y/n x jk aren't together and jk x kiko are) then I'm sorry but MH isn't probably your kind of story. And I'm not going to point out what those characters development are because if you read the story thoroughly and with some sort of understanding, you could easily tell what it is and you wouldn't have to question me about it.

+ Again, if anyone finds this story so frustrating and draining (that's what you probably meant) just don't read it. I really appreciate everyone who does read it, but ONCE AGAIN... I'm not sure what to do with it? I'm not going to change the story and even though I do read those opinions, 90% of time I don't even know how to respond. And people willing to take some of their time to be frustrated in my inbox when you can probably tell that it is as much frustrating for me, is blowing my mind and not in the good sense.

+ Maybe they’re mad at the fact that after everything that’s happened between Y/N and Jungkook, they’re still with the same mindset. This fucking blew my mind all over again. As much as I'm aware a story can evoke a lot of feelings (one of the reasons why writing and reading stories is so amazing), this is different than just people being casually mad about something. And that's exactly it, people are mad and then they come into my inbox and spread negativity and even bigger distaste to writing for me. If anyone is so mad because of how story is going and it's hard for them to process it (now I'm going to be the one giving you an advice) just don't read it. And I don't mean this in any rude way, I genuinely think people shouldn't read it if them being so mad means they'll show their anger and frustration to me. Because newsflash but I'm a person behind this screen, I can get mad and frustrated too. Do you guys think these kinds of asks aren't hurting me to a certain extent?

+ You think this story is confusing? Alright, what am I supposed to do with it? Like, I'm genuinely curious what you guys expect me to do. I told you to trust me, it didn't help. I told you this story is a slow burn one, it didn't help. I told you there are things that are changing and if you read the story properly and with some understanding, you'd be able to notice it (even if it's not something big and eye-catching), that didn't help too.

+ It's not my responsibility to explain and clarify every thing people are confused about but still, I've always tried to explain everything but you know what? I don't feel like doing it again. Because every time people are confused about something, it always has something to do with the future of the story and people indirectly asking me about spoilers – whether you think it's true or not, I've been here long enough to know when people are trying to get answers out of me. Plus, it's very hard almost impossible to explain some things without spoiling anything. That's why I always told you guys to trust me and you'll get your answers at the right time.

I really hate explaining my thoughts like this because it makes me feel like a douchebag but I'm so sick of some people thinking like I owe them something. At the end of the day, I'm here to write a story and me interacting with all of my readers is my choice. I could easily just post a chapter and not care what people think, and I do think some people are using this fact over me thinking they can be impolite, rude, pushy and frustrating. I've been patient enough about this, but the more this keeps happening the more I'm questioning my presence here.

There... here are my thoughts and I know people will take from it whatever they want (or more like won't take anything from it) but honestly, I'm so exhausted if you couldn't tell by now. I'm so done with always justifying myself. These thoughts have been bubbling inside of me for so long and I always told myself to just close the app, breathe it out and come back positive... but I realized that every time I think about this, I feel exactly the same and I know that it's not my fault because that's how some of you make me feel.

All I ask if for mutual understanding because I've always been trying to be respectful and understanding, that's one of the things I've been very careful about.

[bthump]

I know this is very nitpicky, but what do you think is the level of awareness Griffith has during the stairwell scene? For a very calculated and rational guy like him, it's hard to imagine that he hasn't even tried to decipher where these strong reckless reactions come from. I mean... even king of denial Guts has reflected a bit on it. Enough to ask Griffith about it. I know yoy mentioned in a recent answer to an ask, that you don't headcanon Griffith as pining, so would you say that you (cont)

Would you say that you imagine that he compartimentalizes his thougts and represses to the point that he doesn't aknowledge at least to a certain extent, that his feeling for Guts are more passionate, than what he feels for other comerades. The fact that he fully realises the depth of those feelings once Guts leaves is clear. But Idk the stairwell scene makes me think that he is at least aware, that he has a bit of a crush, but choses to not give it much importance. Curious about your thoughts 

hmmm. okay first off I just want to say that I can see multiple possibilities, from full on repression and denial, to recognizing his attraction but not acting on it, to knowing he cares for Guts and wants him as a True Friend(TM) but often downplaying that because he believes Guts sees him mainly as a superior officer. But yeah I do prefer the denial and compartmentalization explanation and I want to go into why, because I think it’s fun to talk about lol.

So the big reason I read Griffith as refusing to acknowledge his feelings to himself is because that’s how he deals with all his other inconvenient feelings, like his guilt and fear and the fact that he cares about the Hawks. Like eg when he tells Gennon that he doesn’t feel a single emotion about him whatsoever, or when he tells Casca that he doesn’t feel guilty over the deaths of the Hawks, I don’t think he’s just lying to them, I think he’s convincing himself too, to the point where he really believes it.

It’s sort of hard to explain how I see this working in Griffith’s head bc it feels v intuitive to me but I know that’s not the case for everyone. So yk it’s not that I think he like, eg makes himself forget that he nearly had a breakdown in a river, but I think he doesn’t ask himself why he nearly had a breakdown beyond maybe a shallow ‘sex with gennon was unpleasant and made me uncomfortable for a couple hours but i’m completely fine now’ and doesn’t think about it afterwards if he can help it.

And when he tells Charlotte he doesn’t have any friends and tells Guts he belongs to him during the second duel, I think he’s telling himself lies/rationalizations he genuinely believes there too. In fact, I think his denial of his own feelings is straight up meant to be his tragic flaw, which is why he’s only able to finally acknowledge them in the torture chamber, after it’s caused his downfall.

In the torture chamber we see him remember the face-off with Zodd and acknowledge that it was an irrational thing to do and wonder why Guts is so important to him, and I think part of the reason the monologue works so well is because it’s the first time we see that kind of self-reflection sans lofty rationalization from him, because before he ended up trapped in his own brain for a year with nothing to distract himself in between bouts of torture he didn’t really ask himself these kinds of questions. If he had, things probably would’ve gone better for everyone.

And like, I don’t think this makes Griffith less intelligent, or negates his rationality in other areas of life. I don’t see a contradiction in someone being able to analyze a battlefield or read other people well but avoiding genuine soul searching whenever possible and lying to himself a lot. I think it’s actually pretty realistic - I don’t think very many people fully understand themselves or their feelings, even really self-reflective people, and it’s very easy to rationalize away inconvenient cognitive dissonance. and I include myself in that lol.

Griffith’s life is kind of a contradiction that would really fuck him up to untangle (he sends people to their deaths to achieve a dream for the sake of assuaging his guilt for sending people to their deaths to achieve a dream), so he doesn’t try to untangle it, he avoids the question and hides behind a philosophical ideal. And his feelings for Guts add to that cognitive dissonance because if he values Guts over the dream, that kind of proves his entire defensive life philosophy is bullshit and his whole life plan is built on a precarious house of cards, so it makes sense to me that he’d avoid examining those feelings closely too.

And you can look at Guts too, who does navelgaze a lot and tries to analyze his own feelings and motivations - when he’s faced with a contradiction (I want to become independent of Griffith and do my own thing solely to gain Griffith’s approval) he actually notices it and briefly questions himself... and then he still puts it out of his mind and continues pursuing his contradictory goal anyway, and manages to stay in denial for 3 days even after learning that Griffith ended up in a torture chamber because he left.

Along those same lines, Guts eg realizes that he kills things because it makes him feel better but he doesn’t make the connection between his irrational urge to fight powerful enemies and his childhood trauma the way the readers can, the King didn’t acknowledge his incesty feelings til Griffith shoved them in his face, Count Slug kept denying having human feelings til Puck went on a tirade against him and he couldn’t sacrifice his daughter, Casca lies to herself about her feelings for Griffith for a long time before finally acknowledging she’s in love and then doubles down on her Griffith feelings when her newer feelings for Guts threaten them until she has a breakdown and admits some things to herself (I mean I find that last one disappointing lol, but it’s also a really straightforward example of someone living in denial of romantic feelings and therefore a good comparison point to show that Miura does this on purpose), etc. So I think this interpretation of Griffith is also consistent with how Miura just like, tends to write people.

Like imo Griffith has moments where he comes close to self awareness and could’ve started potentially reflecting on his feelings and coming to better, more accurate conclusions, and those moments definitely include the Zodd conversation (as well as the river scene with Casca, and “do you think I’m cruel?”) but none of those scenes lead to useful self-reflection because they all go wrong. Casca tries but fails to reassure him bc she’s out of her depth, Guts reminds him of his dream, the King interrupts their conversation and Charlotte reorients Griffith towards his goal so he can move on from that moment of irrationality and refrain from thinking about it further for a while. Even after the duel Griffith tries to avoid self-reflection by fucking Charlotte imo (”take all the sad and frightening things and cast them into the fire” ie hey girl wanna repress some shit w/ me?), and imo his previous ability to do that makes it all the more impactful when it doesn’t work this time and he breaks down.

BUT YEAH all that said I don’t think this is the only reasonable reading of Griffith’s awareness of his feelings lol, it’s just the one I like best and consider the most satisfying and interesting and fun to think about. And honestly that’s partly because I love dramatic irony and have a real thing for characters who lie to themselves, so I’m biased in favour of it too. Nothing about Griffith being good at denial contradicts the idea that he could still be aware of an attraction to Guts (in that case he’d probably just write it off as irrelevant and deny the associated internalized-homophobia-related self-loathing lol until it all pours out while he’s projecting at the King), and he could eg be aware that he irrationally cares about Guts above and beyond anyone else and just doesn’t even try to reconcile that with his dream, ie compartmentalization in another way.

But I think the idea that he only fully admits it to himself in the torture chamber is just very narratively satisfying.