#if anyone wants to make a guess at whats happening go for it

[softness-and-shattering]

Most of my autistic friends expect that their friendships will one day out of the blue blow up in their face as people vent built-up frustrations about behaviours that annoyed others that was never ever communicated to them, and/or because of whats called "the double empathy problem" which describes one of the main ways allistic-autistic communication goes sideways. Ive been in social groups - discord type groups - where the autistics get kicked out because we are speaking plainly and askingd questions, and the mods or admin or other authority figures interpret these questions as deliberate insubordination and challenges to their authority, get "tired and fed up" with "the disrespect" and start kicking people. I have seen this happen in disability groups.

And its not all black and white. Like sometimes I can pick up on social cues because I have deliberately learned them, or learned them the hard way. I can even sometimes say one thing and mean another, but I dont often. I might pick up on one cue and totally miss another. Sometimes I just dont know why someone is saying something, theyre obviously implying something but I dont know what. This can get tricky when someone wants to indicate something without being able to be quoted about it, and sometimes I need to ask them to clarify and if theyre still dodgy I have to guess and hope I got it right.

And sometimes we're aware of unspoken rules but we dont recognise their authority over us because theyre bad or nonsensical. We tend to stick to rules if we understand them and they make sense. When theyre crap rules, I dont care how much money someone makes I will treat them the same as everyone else. I dont care how many high status cars someone has, we are equals.

Im getting off track - my point is that basically every autistic I know has ongoing trauma of friendships and social groups suddenly turning on them for no discernable reason and no warning and absolutely no previous indication that anything was wrong - sometimes after being explicitly told everything was ok the day before. This happens to us all the time. Its so damaging and so hurtful.

Personally I dont second guess as a general rule. I someone has a problem with me I trust they will tell me about it and we can problem solve and introspect. If Im not told, no matter what vibes Im picking up bc I dont know if the vibes are real or my own anxieties, I will act like nothing is wrong. If someone wants to blow up at me that has reflects zero on me and entirely on their inability to speak up about whatever was bothering them. Thats not a me problem. I cannot do anything with zero information.

Lemme induct you in an autistic way of bring and introduce you to a script you can use. Something like "hi friend, can I talk to you for a second about the meeting yesterday? [If Y continue, if N ask when you can talk to them about it.*] So I dont know if you noticed, but you spent the whole time tapping your fingernails on the table, and honestly the noise was distracting and mightve been irritating for some people. I just thought you should know bevause I dont think anyone else was going to bring it up with you. Could you please find a quieter way to stim/do what you need to/move in the ways you need to to concentrate. Ok thank you, no ones super upset just mildly irritated I think. I just figured someone should actually tell you"

Or even "hi. You spent the whole meeting earlier tapping on the table and it was pretty loud. Could you please find a way to be quieter in meetings, its just a bit distracting for some people? Awesome thank you".

Just be polite and straightforward, say what you want and what the problem is. Assume competence, sometimes we make deliberate choices against the status quo for important reasons not cluelessness. And give time for them to figure out an alternative, be undsrstanding if they cant. Just use your words, communicate clearly. It might feel a little confrontational but believe me its not as bad as bring dropped as a friend or fired out of nowhere. That sucks**

*Dont just say "can we talk", give a reason, otherwise they will likely spend the time between notification and meeting inventing every worse case scenario they can possibly think of. A couple words of context goes a long way.

** I came across a youtuber who, idk for sure if theyre autistic but they talk with an extremely flat effect (meaning, little tonal variance between words, not much expression in the voice, every word comes out more or less the same, "robotic"), which is an autistic trait. They mentioned in a video that they had a 'normal' job before youtube, until one day they found themself fired, given reason was their flat effect scared people and made them seem unfriendly and unhappy to be there and interacting. Sounded like it was completely out of the blue. Thats a job lost due to ableism though possibly no one involved sees it that way. Some people cant change how they speak or dont want to. Shouldnt have to. But at least mention it, see if the person is willing to adjust, and consider if it truly disqualifies them from being able to perform the job or is it just a little unusual.

I saw some snippet of a callout post for an autistic trans woman where they list social faux pas she committed, and I think we allistic people should all feel 100x more ashamed of not telling people in the moment how we feel about what they're doing. I think its extremely evil and cruel to not only lie to an autistic person and blame them for it but also to feel justified shaming them for your behavior. And it's currently the social norm to do that

[curmemini]

And if it means any thing, the every day american isn't too happy about it either. JD Vance and his family visited Vermont to go skiing today (the day after the above show) and was greeted with waves of Ukraine flags and anti-Russia sentiment. I know multiple resorts refused to serve him - I am not sure if they did get to ski.

More, the 25-year-old snow reporter for Sugarbush included a long pro-democracy message before her report on the weather conditions. At the risk of expanding the post terribly, her message read:

Mar 1st, 2025, 6:49 AM: Today of all days, I would like to reflect on what Sugarbush means to me. This mountain has brought me endless days of joy, adventure, challenges, new experiences, beauty, community, and peace. I’ve found that nothing cures a racing mind quite like skiing through the trees and stopping to take a deep breath of that fresh forest air. The world around us might be a scary place, but these little moments of tranquility, moments I’ve been fortunate enough to enjoy as a direct result of my employment here, give me, and I’d guess you, too, a sense of strength and stability.

This fresh forest air, is, more specifically fresh National Forest air. Sugarbush operates on 1745 acres of the Green Mountain National Forest. Right now, National Forest lands and National Parks are under direct attack by the current Administration, who is swiftly terminating the positions of dedicated employees who devote their lives to protecting the land we love, and to protecting us while we are enjoying that land.

This Administration also neglects to address the danger, or even the existence of, climate change, the biggest threat to the future of our industry, and the skiing we all so much enjoy here. Burlington, VT is one of the fastest-warming cities in the country, and Vermont is the 9th fastest-warming state. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association (NOAA), a resource I use every day for snow reporting, is crucial in monitoring extreme weather events and informing public safety measures, and is also experiencing widespread layoffs and defunding at the hands of the Administration.

Sugarbush would not be Sugarbush without our wonderful community. Employees and patrons alike, we are made up of some of the most kind hearted, hardworking people I have ever met. Our community is rich with folks of all different orientations, ethnicities, and walks of life, who all contribute to make this place what it is. They all love Sugarbush because it is a place where they can come to move their bodies, to connect with the land, to challenge themselves, to build character, to nourish their souls with the gift of skiing.

Many of these people are part of the LGBTQI+ community. Many (well, that’s a stretch, we all know this is an incredibly white-washed industry) are people of color. Half are women. Many are veterans or adaptive skiers who, through Vermont Adaptive, are able to access snow sports in part thanks to federal grants through the Department of Veterans Affairs, which is also facing devastating cuts. Many of our beloved employees moved across the world through an exchange program on the J1 visa to help this resort run, and they are not US citizens. ALL of these groups are being targeted, undervalued, and disrespected by the current Administration.

The beauty of National Forest land, is that anyone and everyone is welcome to enjoy it. Anyone and everyone can buy a lift ticket. I also imagine it is incredibly difficult, and likely impossible, to say “No” to the Secret Service. I hope that, instead of faulting Sugarbush management or employees for “allowing this to happen”, you can direct your anger to the source — the Administration that, in my oh-so-humble opinion, is threatening our democracy, our livelihoods, our land.

I want to reiterate how much I admire and respect my fellow employees and managers — they work so hard to make this place operate, to keep you coming back and enjoying it and making lifelong memories. Many of them may feel the same way that I do, but their hands are tied, and for good reason. They have families to support, they have benefits and health insurance to receive, they face far greater and more binding pressure from Corporate. I am in a privileged position here, in that I work only seasonally, I do not rely on this job for health insurance or benefits, and hey, waking up at 4:30 AM isn’t exactly sustainable. Therefore, I am using my relative “platform” as snow reporter, to be disruptive — I don’t have a whole lot to lose. We are living in a really scary and really serious time. What we do or don’t do, matters. This whole shpiel probably won’t change a whole lot, and I can only assume that I will be fired, but at least this will do even just a smidge more than just shutting up and being a sheep.

I am really scared for our future. Acting like nothing is happening here feels way scarier than losing my job. I want to have kids one day, and I want to teach them to ski. The policies and ideals of the current Administration, however, are not conducive to either of these things, because, at least how things look now, I’d never be able to afford a good life for a child anyway, and snow will be a thing of Vermont history. So please, for the sake of our future shredders: Be Better Here. It has truly been a pleasure writing your morning snow reports — I hope this one sticks with you. With love, peace, and hope, Lucy Welch

My point in adding this is that for every brazen display by the executive branch, more and more people are emboldened to speak out. More and more people realize what they truly value.

We will see the day that fascism ends. We will see a free Ukraine.

So this was a pre-planned (and likely paid for by the Kremlin) show: to invite Zelenskyy, scold him like a kindergartener in front of the press, present him with an unreasonable "deal" - an ultimatum - knowing full well he will refuse it (as anyone in this position would). And then tell the world: "Look, our mighty Orange King could've ended this horrible war in a day, but this poorly-dressed, warmongering, ungrateful twat just doesn't want peace! It's not our fault, we did what we could!"

The show is so cheap, so transparent, yet still effective for so many brainless people.

[no-goodbyes-no-regrets]

For @bucktommyfluffebruary day 14: valentines day

A/N: Yes this is super late and I know it's not February anymore, but my mind wasn't cooperating much in Feb and I do have partially written, waiting to be finished fics/ficlets for all of the days, so this year we're *extending* February. How long for though - nobody knows.

---

Secret Valentine (AO3)

Probie!Buck x 118!Tommy

---

You think you're invisible but you're not. I see you and I think you're wonderful. Love, your valentine.

Tommy looked around, trying to make sense of it all.

"Did you do this?" he asked Sal, holding up the card.

"Do what?"

"This!" he shoved the card in Sal's face.

He pulled a face as he read the message and looked at the puppy holding a rose and "be my valentine" in the front.

"Why would I send you a valentines day card?"

"I don't know, to fuck with me? Make me think there's someone out there who wants to date me and then laugh at me when I fall for it?"

"That's a good one actually. I should remember that for next year." Sal said, flicking the card back at Tommy and closing his locker. "But it wasn't me."

"Who was it then?"

"How should I know? Maybe it was Howie? Or one of the girls? Maybe someone from B-shift? Maybe a member of the public dropped it off for you?"

"Then how did it end up in my locker?"

Sal shrugged.

"I don't know. I guess someone could have put it in there for them?"

"Without telling me?"

"You'd find it eventually, wouldn't you?" Sal shrugged again. "Hey probie, do you know anything about the card in Tommy's locker?" he asked Buck who had just walked into the locker room too to change at the end of their shift.

"What card?"

"That's a no then."

Tommy held up the card.

"This was in my locker. Did you see anyone put it in?"

Buck shook his head.

"I've been busy all day. I haven't been in here since the start of shift."

Tommy sighed and looked at the card again.

"It's kind of cute. With the puppy." Buck commented, nodding at the card. "Or don't you like dogs?"

"Uh no I do... I like dogs just fine. I just don't like pranks like this."

"Maybe it's not a prank? Maybe someone actually likes you and they're too shy to say it."

Tommy snorted.

"Yeah right."

"The kid is a romantic, Tom, not a cynical asshole like you." Sal joked and swung his duffel over his shoulder. "I am going to spend my 48 off with my wife. It's our last valentines day before the baby arrives and we're going to make the most of it. And I'm not going to think about any of you until the minute our next shift begins." he gave Tommy a mock salute as he walked past him out of the locker room.

"It's him. I know it's him." Tommy told Buck. "Maybe he got Gina to do it... But I know he's playing a prank on me."

"Why are you so convinced it's a prank? I think someone out there actually really likes you."

"Those things only happen in movies probie." Tommy said, shoving the card into his bag and closing his locker. "Real life doesn't work that way."

He walked out of the station to his car, mostly annoyed at Sal for not owning up to his prank.

It wasn't like they hadn't played pranks on each other before, and Sal was his best friend, he could take a fake valentine's card from him.

If only he'd just admit it.

He debated calling Gina to see if she knew about Sal's prank (and get her on his side and pressure Sal into coming clean. She was six months pregnant, Sal wouldn't dare argue with her) but when he got to his truck there was some kind of paper stuck under the windshield wiper.

For a moment he thought it was a ticket and he tried to figure out what possible laws he could have broken while parked outside a fire station, but upon closer inspection it turned out to be an envelope. One with his name on it at that.

He opened the envelope and inside was another card.

It was a simple card with a teddy bear holding a love heart saying happy valentine's day on the front.

Drive safe, the roads can be dangerous and I like you in one piece. Love, your valentine.

It was cute but he was also getting more annoyed with Sal. One card in his locker was enough.

He looked at the message in the card again. He had to admit it didn't look anything like Sal's handwriting. Or Gina's.

Maybe they got someone else to write it for them. And unsuspecting neighbour maybe.

He put the card in his bag with the other one, and drove home, planning on ignoring both the cards and the upcoming holiday.

His 48 off might as well have been a full shift with how busy he'd been catching up on chores around the house, as well as drinks with his brother and his team to celebrate his divorce going through.

And yeah maybe he'd had a few too many and was still recovering when he clocked into work at the start of his next shift.

Though he was nothing if not a professional so he forced some breakfast down and got on with his work.

Thankfully the 911 gods were on his side and no calls had come in all morning, and by midday he had finished most of his jobs around the station and figured he deserved a nap.

The alarm would wake him if any calls came in.

He dragged himself to the bunk room and crashed onto his bunk without looking or even bothering to take his boots off.

He tried to get comfortable but there was something under his pillow bothering him.

He shoved a hand underneath to get rid of whatever it was, whatever the guys had put under there, but frowned when he felt something plastic. It crinkled and it felt like a bag of sorts.

He sat up and pulled it out. In his hand was a small gift bag with a tiny card hanging from the ribbon tying it shut.

Here are some sweet hearts for a sweetheart. Love, your valentine.

"What the fuck Deluca..." Tommy muttered under his breath. He turned the bag over in his hands. It seemed like a regular gift bag just about every store sold around this time of year, and didn't look like it had been tampered with.

He opened the bag and shook the candy hearts out into his hand. They looked like every candy heart he'd ever seen. Just plain pastel coloured hard candy hearts with "Be Mine" on them.

He popped one in his mouth and hoped not even Sal was cruel enough to give him candy with laxatives in them.

After what felt like only five minutes the station alarm woke Tommy up and he rushed down to the truck bay on auto pilot. He stepped into his turnout pants and boots on muscle memory and yanked on the coat while all but throwing himself into the truck.

He was the last one in but hardly late.

"Nice of you to join us, Thomas." Sal joked.

Tommy rolled his eyes and put his headset on.

"Fuck you Deluca." He shot back and Sal laughed. "Just drive this thing and tell me where we're going."

"Structure fire on the east side of town. The abandoned warehouses."

He got assigned to work with the probie when they arrived on scene, which suited him just fine. The kid had good instincts.

The whole crew worked together to clear the warehouse that turned out not to be so abandoned after all.

A group of homeless people had set up camp in the place and it was filled with blankets, cardboard, and all kinds of trash. The whole thing was about as far from fire safe as it could get.

Thankfully there were no casualties and only a few people with minor smoke inhalation.

They were doing a final sweep of the building to make sure they hadn't missed anything and all fires were definitely out.

"This is probably what started the fire." Buck commented, putting out a small fire in the makeshift kitchen with the foam extinguisher he'd brought along.

"Yeah the whole place is a death trap." Tommy agreed. "It's a miracle everyone made it out alive." he looked around, satisfied there didn't seem to be any spot fires or anything smouldering. "I think we're done here, let's go." he turned around and took a step and the second he put his foot down, he knew he was in trouble. The floorboards gave out and he felt himself fall. Only the expected crash onto the floor below never came.

"I've got you, I've got you." Buck groaned while trying to drag Tommy out of the hole in the floor. "Almost there."

When Tommy's brain registered what was going on, he did his best to help Buck pull him up.

With one last big effort, Buck hauled him onto solid ground and the two of them collapsed into each other.

"You ok? Are you hurt?" Buck panted.

"I don't think so. Thanks to you." Tommy pushed himself up into a sitting position. "Nice reflexes." he patted Buck's shoulder.

"T-thanks." the other man stammered. "I didn't think... I just... did."

"I'm glad. It would've been a long way down if you hadn't." Tommy said and gave Buck's shoulder a squeeze before letting go.

Buck blushed slightly and ducked his head and Tommy couldn't help but think he looked absolutely adorable.

He was as out and proud as he could be at work, and he wasn't blind. He'd always thought Buck, Evan he reminded himself, was a good looking guy, but he wasn't going to make a move on a coworker, especially not one he wasn't sure was actually into men.

He'd resigned himself to just admiring the guy from afar.

They made it back to the truck without any more trouble and the ride back to the station was quiet. Everyone was tired, and when Tommy checked his watch he realised they'd been working the call for most of the afternoon.

"Well done everyone. I'm taking us offline for an hour." Bobby announced over the comms. "So we have some time to clean up and power up for the next call."

A murmur of appreciation came through the comms as reply.

As soon as Sal had parked the truck, the crew piled out. They kicked their gear off in the bay, ready to step back into for the next call.

"I need a shower." Tommy announced to nobody in particular.

"Do you want me to wash your back, dear?" Sal teased.

"Not today sweetcheeks, I have a headache." Tommy replied with a grin and headed to his locker to grab his shampoo and a clean towel.

There was nobody else in the showers so he enjoyed the fact that he didn't have to share the water pressure with the rest of the crew and scrubbed the soot off his skin.

He cleaned himself up wrapping a towel around his waist when he was done and making his way back to the lockers to get dressed.

Only when he walked in there, he almost ran right into Buck.

"Oh... s-sorry." he stammered. "Di-did you have a nice shower?"

"Sure. Had the whole thing to myself." Tommy replied. He felt the other man's eyes trail over his body and for a second he wondered if he'd missed the signs and Evan Buckley was into men after all.

"T-that's nice. I uh... was looking for laundry. Do you uh want me to take your towel?" he held out his hand.

"Give me a minute to get dressed." Tommy grinned. "I wouldn't want to flash you. Not at work anyway."

"Oh. Oh. Right. Yes. Of course. Sorry. I'll uh... I can turn around."

"It's alright. It's only been used once. I'll just hang it up to dry."

"Oh yeah. Ok. Sure. Sure thing. Yes. I'll... I'll just... go... and let you get dressed."

Tommy smiled as Buck ducked out the locker room.

Maybe he'd ask him out some time. Take him to a club and see if he could make him blush on the dance floor too.

He grabbed the bag with his toiletries to put his stuff away and frowned when he saw a note that definitely hadn't been in there before.

It was just a simple page from a department issued notebook, torn out and folded in half.

I know valentine's day is all about secretly admiring someone and anonymously telling them how you feel, but I want you to know who I am. Just for that tiny chance that you might actually feel the same. That you see me too. That you like me too.

I made reservations at Micelis under your name for this Friday at 8. I hope I'll see you there.

I'll be the one with a red rose.

Love, your valentine

"Jesus Deluca." Tommy muttered. "That's a lot of effort for a prank."

That Friday, he arrived at the restaurant almost 15 minutes late. He'd talked himself in and out of going more than once, but in the end decided a free (because there was no way in hell he was paying to get pranked) dinner with his best friend wasn't a bad way to spend an evening. And maybe he'd go to a bar or a club afterwards. Maybe Sal would want to come along. He could be an asshole sometimes, but he was a good wingman and could usually help him get rid of idiots and get with the guy he did like.

They had a routine that had worked for them since the academy, back when Sal was the only one who knew Tommy was gay, and they only went to gay bars in other cities so they wouldn't risk running into any familiar faces.

"Hi, reservation for Kinard. I don't think my friend is here yet." he told the waitress when he walked in as he looked around for Sal.

"Oh you're here!" she said happily. "We were starting to think he'd been stood up. He's been here since 7.30"

Tommy frowned, wondering why Sal would be there that early when he'd said the reservation was at 8.

He followed the waitress to a table and audibly gasped when he saw not Sal but Evan Buckley sitting at the table, fidgeting with a red plastic rose.

He stood up and smiled when he saw Tommy.

"Hey, you came."

"Just fashionably late." the waitress joked and put two menus on the table. "I'll be back in a minute when you've made your choice, can I get you a drink in the meantime?"

"Uhm just water for me, thanks." Buck told her.

She nodded and gave Tommy an expectant look.

"Oh uh... Just a beer. Whatever is on tap."

"Coming right up." she said happily and all but skipped back to the kitchen.

"You... you left the card in my locker?" Tommy asked as he sat down at the table.

"Y-yeah... uh ... surprise..." Buck said and blushed. "I uh... didn't know how else to get your attention."

"You... wanted my... attention?"

"Yeah... I... I... I like you. Everything I wrote in those cards is true. I just... I didn't know if you were interested and... I uh... was kind of... afraid of asking you out. But then... I thought we had a... uhm... a moment... On that call a few days ago."

"When you saved me in the warehouse."

"Y-yeah... so I just... kind of... stole a notepad from Bobby's office and wrote you that note while you were in the shower. And hoped you'd show up tonight."

"I thought it was Sal playing a prank on me."

Buck bit his lip.

"No. It was me. And it's not a prank."

"I didn't know you were into guys." Tommy said, still trying to process the information.

"It's... new... I guess. I didn't know either. Or... realise. I thought I was checking you out in the gym because of your work out routine... But then I talked to my roommate and he uh... made me think about some things. Like that most straight guys don't check out another guy's ass. " Buck confessed and he was bright red.

"You've been checking me out?"

"Sorry. I'm making it weird. I always do that. I'm sorry. Just... forget I said anything."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Wha-what?"

"I didn't expect to see you here... But I'm not complaining."

"Y-you're not?"

"Evan look at yourself. You're hot, you're adorable... for some reason you like me... If I'd known you liked men I would have asked you out ages ago."

"Really?"

"Well... I don't know if I would have had the nerve to ask you out... but... maybe I would have pushed myself to be brave for a change.

"Y-yeah?"

"Yeah." Tommy confirmed and smiled when Buck put his hand on the table, clearly hoping Tommy would reach out and take it, which he did and rubbed his thumb over the knuckles.

"I was so scared you would turn me down... Since... since we work together and I'm still in my probie year and..." Buck trailed off, not knowing what he was going to say.

"The LAFD doesn't have to know everything." Tommy said after a beat. "We can just... keep this between us for now can't we? Just... enjoy each other's company and see where things go."

Buck smiled.

"Yeah... Yeah ok. That... that sounds nice." he licked his lips and took a deep breath to say something, just when the waitress came back with their drinks.

"Have you come to a decision yet?" she asked in the same happy tone of voice as before.

"Yeah." Tommy said and got up and he saw the brief flicker of panic spread over Evan's face and he realised the other man thought he was leaving. He stepped round the table, leaned down, put two fingers under Evan's chin and gently tilted his face up so he could kiss him. "Was that ok?" he asked after and Evan could only smile and nod. "Good. Because I'd like to do that again."

"I... I would like that." Evan stammered.

"God you're adorable." Tommy murmured and leaned down for another kiss

[bcksbarnes]

time's never been on our side - chapter two

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader

summary: you and bucky happen to meet by chance one night, and it feels like there is a spark between the two of you - but he has to leave. was this destiny? or cruel fate?

word count: 3.9K

read the: previous chapter

you know that checking your phone every ten minutes for a text message is unhealthy. you know that opening the thread, and then closing it, and then opening it again is truly unhinged. but, being ignored by the man you met at the bar feels like some cruel joke, though most people would say that strangers are not obligated to respond to people they don’t know. sure, you agreed with them, but damn did this one sting.

you’ve met people in bars before, it’s not really a foreign concept, but there was something about him - about bucky - that felt different. sure, it was only one night, less than four hours actually. sure, you didn’t actually know him. and sure, he had said he never had a stable environment for more than a week, but maybe this was different? maybe the universe wanted the two of you to find each other?

who were you kidding?

this was delusion at its finest.

a way to numb out the loneliness you had been feeling.

a fleeting crush that would go away in a day’s time.

and, truthfully, as the days pass, and you continue not to hear from him, the easier it was to rationalize with yourself that whatever spark you thought you felt could never turn into a flame. 

days turn into a week, and a week turns into two and suddenly you were pushed back into your life as if that night had never happened. work had picked up, your meetings felt longer, the silence in your apartment was deafening, life started to take on that gray-ish hue again. blah. 

it wasn’t like you to get so hung up on someone, especially someone you didn’t know, but with bucky those few hours you had spent together felt nice. easy. and easy was something you needed right now. 

your name is being called, but it’s not until someone taps you on the shoulder do you realize your boss is talking to you. you must have zoned out again. you had been doing that a lot lately.

“sorry,” you say sheepishly as you snap your head up, meeting their eyes. they continue speaking about whatever it was the meeting was about, but you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to him again, thoughts of bucky quickly drowning out whatever was needed from you at work.

all you knew about him and his absence is that he traveled, frequently, and was a soldier … “of sorts” is how he phrased it. you didn’t know what that meant, or what that could possibly entail. maybe he was a spy? maybe he worked with the avengers? maybe he was a part of the secret service? who could even begin to guess?

“ugh.” you say to yourself as you make your way into your apartment after work that night. the day feeling longer than it actually was. your keys clank against the door as you unlock it and push your way inside.

sure, it’s not the most lavish one bedroom in new york, but it was cozy. the location and price is what got you intrigued when you toured it all those years ago. the floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the east side is what sold you on it.

it was warm and inviting, decor filled with neutral tones, pops of dark greens and burnt oranges matching the dark wood is what helped you finally settle in. this was your home. the place you could unwind every night without anyone intruding in. the place you were about to open a bottle of wine, pop on a sitcom rerun and stare at the text thread over and over again until you eventually passed out.

what a riveting friday night.

as you changed out of your clothes and into a pair of pjs the mewing of a tiny animal made your heart swell a bit.

“alpy?” you called, making a small noise so the white kitten would make her way out. “come on, alp. it’s time to eat.” 

ever the supermodel she was, alpine, your longhaired white cat, sauntered her way out of the living room and into the kitchen, rubbing up against your legs as she waited for you to feed her. to be fair, the building had a no pets policy, but alpine wasn’t just a pet, she was your little angel and no landlord was going to tell you differently. and … you gave the super an extra tip during the holiday season to not say anything.

after feeding alpine and pouring a glass of wine, you laid down on your couch. you take a sip and open your phone. your finger hovered over the text thread with bucky knowing it only contained two texts and that was it. your brain was telling you it wasn’t worth the stress, but something in your heart was telling you to open it.

you click on it. you see three dots appear and disappear. and suddenly you convince yourself that they were never there to begin with

it's me :)

that’s the text that bucky had been reading every single day since he left on his mission. the text that haunted him in his dreams, and he was sure he could never answer it. he had a great time with you … actually it was one of the best times he had in years. but, he couldn’t even begin to open that can of worms, not now … well … not ever.

it was easier this way.

he laid in on his bed at some janky hotel in the middle of budapest, waiting for the day steve could tell him it was all over. the mission was done and oh, actually bucky we don't need your help anymore.

that would be the day.

the phone screen was the only thing illuminating his face in the dark room. it was almost four in the morning, his body ached, there was definitely dried blood on his face but after a night of fighting all he could think about was you and that night in new york. the image of your smile and the sound of your laughter ran straight through his mind every night, and he was sure his brain was just trying to torture him.

“shit.” he mumbles out loud, suddenly feeling the overwhelming urge to respond.

his fingers work swiftly on the keyboard trying to type up something - anything - but it’s no use. everything he wants to say he can’t get out of his head, and everything he is typing up doesn’t sound nearly as good as it should for ignoring you for two weeks. 

bucky deletes the words, sighing to himself as he locks his phone and places it on the bed next to him. his eyes adjust to the darkness as he stares at the ceiling, his hand scratching his stomach under his shirt as his other one runs through his hair.

why can’t he get you out of his head? why can’t he stop thinking about you? he hadn’t felt like this since … god he even couldn’t remember. had ever felt like this? it’s not like it meant anything, but having someone to talk to, someone who didn’t know him or his past or as steve’s friend. it was refreshing. 

he grumbles to himself as he gets out of bed, making his way to the bathroom to shower and get the grime from the day off of him as quickly as possible. the steam does nothing but suffocate his thoughts, making him ultimately feel worse. but, it’s quick and he’s clean and soon he’s in bed wishing he could bang his head against a brick wall to forget all about you and that stupid text.

a sudden bang on the door wakes him hours later, though it’s not like he was completely asleep, his mind had him in a half sleep half-awake daze all night. a mix of nightmares and anxiety. what a fucking mess.

he groans as he stands, grabbing a random black t-shirt and throwing it over his bare torso as he groggily makes his way to the door. 

“what?” bucky’s voice is flat and stern, knowing very well who it is before he even opens it.

“someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” sam says a hint of a smirk on his voice.

bucky, still half asleep, grumbles before he turns around and walks away from the door, sam slipping inside his room after him. he grabs his metal prosthetic off the chair he left it on and puts it back into place, rotating his shoulder and arm to get it in perfectly.

“what do you want?” bucky finally asks, crossing both his arms over his chest as he looks back at sam.

“did you put your arm back on so you can scowl at me?”

“and so what if i did?”

“you’re such a dick, you know that?”

bucky manages a small smirk, shaking his head as he looked over at sam. they had gotten a lot closer recently. sometimes it felt easier to talk to him than steve. with sam, they were on the same playing field. with steve, disappointment was never truly far off.

“seriously, what do you want?” bucky asks again.

“wanted to check in on you.” sam finally says, sighing a bit as he leans against the entrance way facing the hotel bedroom. “you didn’t seem alright last night after we infiltrated that base.” he continues.

“i’m fine.” bucky tries to quickly retort, wanting to shut down any conversations about this.

“bucky, you’re tired.”

he hated that sam could see right through him.

“i’m … look, i’m not tired, okay?” he says, sighing as he runs a hand through his hair. “i just have a lot on my mind.”

“i know you’re tired. i know you have a lot on your mind. but, you came back from that one day off more refreshed than i’ve seen you in months, and now we’re on a new mission and you look worse than ever.” sam says, pushing off the wall and taking a step into the room. “talk to him.”

“and say what, sam?” bucky snaps back. “you know steve, you know that’s not going to go well. i love the guy, but he’s like mr. save-the-universe –...”

“actually, he’s captain america.” sam interrupts.

“you know what i mean.” he rolls his eyes at sam’s attempt at humor. “he’s the guy. he wants to save everyone, and he does. he never stops; he’s always looking for the next thing. he’s always been like this. i can’t say it’s not extremely charismatic but how am i supposed to tell him that his best friend wants to … what? wants to quit? wants to give up?” bucky frowns and shakes his head. “no, no way. not happening.”

“so what?” sam asks, scowling over at him. “you’re just going to be miserable because steve wants to keep going?”

“you don’t get it.” bucky retorts back, shaking his head. he was done with this conversation. done thinking about how exhausted he was.

“i’m just saying…” sam says softly, taking another step forward and clapping his hand on bucky’s shoulder. “it might be worth the conversation.”

bucky sighs, shaking his head, he can feel sam give his shoulder a squeeze and feels thankful in that moment for a friend who checks in. but, he knows that he can’t talk to steve. he can’t let him down. he can’t stop. so, he nods a bit, not able to really to voice how he was feeling in that moment. bucky wants to thank sam, wants to thank him for always understanding and trying to push him, but the words get caught in the back of his throat. sam can tell and can feel the words lingering in the air.

“don’t mention it.” he says, before dropping his hand from bucky’s shoulder, he starts to walk out of the room. “i’ll say one last thing, and then i won’t bring it up again.” sam’s hand is on the door now, looking over at bucky. “whatever you did while you were in new york made you more levelheaded and calm than i’ve seen you be in a long time.” he opens the door. “we’re out of here in two weeks, buck. maybe it’s worth paying new york another visit.”

and with that the door closes, and bucky barnes is left to rot with his own thoughts. great.

he tries not to think about sam’s haunting words for the next two weeks. tries being the key word there. 

time feels incredibly slow while he’s working, but exceedingly fast when he looks at the days and realizes he’s getting closer and closer to having to make a decision. is he going back to new york? is he going to try and see you? these were not decisions that he ever had to make in his life. why now?

it’s the day before the end of the mission and they’re just tying up loose ends. most of the crew had gone home and left the skeletons, steve, bucky, sam and a few other key associates. he knew that sam was right, that he needed to talk to steve. your face comes into his mind one last time before he knocks on the door of the makeshift office that steve was using.

“come in.” the voice was strong and stern, it could only belong to steve rogers. bucky entered the room and saw his best friend standing, arms crossed over his chest, as he watched one of the crew members entering some information into their computer. 

steve was always put together. during working hours on the mission, he was always in his captain america suit ready to spring into action at any moment, on days like today he was dressed in his usual jeans and t-shirt, still ready to spring into action. 

“buck.” he says a gentle smile on his face that makes bucky immediately regret walking in. “what’s up?”

“uh…” he trails off for a moment, bringing his metal hand to his neck, rubbing it softly as he tries to wager if he should say what he wants to say. “listen, i think i’m going to be out of commission for the next few weeks.”

“weeks?” steve says almost immediately. his eyebrow is quirked and the look on his face is one of surprise. “where are you going?”

“not sure.” bucky says. it’s not really a lie, he hadn’t decided yet where he was going to go, although he couldn’t deny that new york was really the only place he wanted to be. “i just … i think i need some time off. it’s been a lot lately and i feel like my head wasn’t really in it this go around.” 

the words are tumbling out of his mouth, he can’t seem to stop his brain lately. between the night at the bar with you and now this? what was going on with him? anyway, it wasn’t the conversation sam was trying to get bucky to talk about, but it was a start. a stepping stone. someone like steve needed to be eased into these sorts of bigger conversations. 

steve studies bucky for a moment, trying to get a grasp on what could possibly be bothering the man. he had a knack for always wanting to figure things out, if he did then bucky wouldn’t have to explain himself. steve could just fix it, but, bucky, most of the time, didn’t want him to.

“that’s a long time, buck.” steve says, finally, dropping his arms to his side, his hands now on either side of his waist. “we have things to do. you know this life never stops. we gotta keep moving.”

that’s exactly that response that bucky was anticipating, steve was pretty predictable, but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t hurt to hear. how could he not understand that he needed some time off? 

“i know.” bucky frowns, running his hand through his hair. it had gotten a bit longer than he liked to keep it, but that tended to happen when he was away on these trips. “i wouldn’t normally ask, you know this.”

he can tell steve hates this, that he’s already using the intel they got from this mission for the next one, that he’s already ready to go again. bucky shifted uncomfortably for a moment as the air turned a bit awkward between them, a palpable unease that could be felt throughout the room.

“two weeks.” steve finally speaks up, his gaze not meeting bucky’s, instead looking straight ahead at the computer again. “and if it needs to be cut short i’ll call you.���

bucky will take it, though he’s not exactly thrilled about the possibility of it being cut short, but he’ll take it. he mumbles something resembling a thanks as he turns to walk out of the room, needing to get away before he or steve said something they didn’t want to.

it’s a long plane ride back from budapest.

bucky makes do by staring out the window and ignoring all of sam’s attempts at conversation. he hadn’t talked to steve since he asked for time off, and bucky figured if he just ignored everyone around him that would make this break a lot easier

it’s when they land when the anxiety starts for bucky. your text creeps back into his mind again and he knows for a fact that he can’t just text you out of the blue a month later and ask to meet up. not only would it be incredibly rude, but also the fear of your possible rejection makes it basically a non-starter for him. 

though something in the back of his mind wants him to see you, it’s how he ended up in the back of a cab on his way to the city. wishful thinking is that he’d run into you again, realism is that at least the idea of you two being in the same vicinity for a few weeks would ease his mind. it’s how he ends up at the same hotel that you dropped him off at. it’s how he ends up passing the pizzeria you two shared laughs at. it’s how he ends up outside that dive bar again, which looks even more depressing in the daytime, his hands in his pockets as he stares at the door.

there’s no way you frequented it more than once; it was a fluke you even ended up there to begin with, but these were the only places bucky could connect you to. even if they weren’t the best.

he takes a step forward and puts his head down as he finds himself walking away from the building, heading to the end of the block and waiting for the crosswalk sign. how stupid was he? there were millions of people in the city. how did he expect that he could even find a sign of you, let alone cross your path again?

it’s when the sign turns to walk that he begins to cross the street with the crowd of people, he doesn’t pay attention to where he’s going or look up to see anyone’s face, but soon there’s a hand on his arm that’s triggering his fight receptors.

bucky turns, his fists balled at his side, when he picks his head up, his gaze falls upon the most familiar eyes he’d seen in a while. 

“bucky?” you say, your eyes wide as you take in his features. you’re pretty sure you hear your name cross his lips, but it’s like time had completely stopped for a moment and the two of you are stunned into a silent stare off, reading each other's emotions, memorizing each other's features. your heart is beating out of your chest, but anger is also coursing through your bones.

you had thought you saw him on the other side of the street, but your brain had been playing tricks on you since he had left, but when you both crossed and his face got closer, you knew deep in your bones exactly who it was.

it’s not until there’s a honk from some cars do you both realize you’re standing in the middle of the crosswalk still, without the right of way, blocking oncoming traffic. bucky gently guides you to the other side of the street, his hand on your elbow.

“what are you …” he trails off, his mind is fried, unable to think of any words. he couldn’t believe that you were here. you couldn’t believe that he was real.

“what am i?” you ask, a frown on your features as you pull away from him. “what are you doing here?”

“i … uh … i got back this morning.” bucky swallows, his adam's apple bobbing as he does. “i - uh … i’m sorry i didn’t …” what the fuck was he saying?

you knew exactly where this was going. he was going to apologize for not responding to you. you’d both have a few drinks and catch up again for the night and then he’d leave again tomorrow without ever contacting you again. 

you’re aware that it’s unfair to feel angry that he didn’t reach out while he was gone, you know it’s definitely unfair to feel angry that he didn’t tell you he was back in the city. the rational part of your brain is trying to remind you that you didn’t know him and that he didn’t owe you anything. the irrational part is telling you that’s a load of bullshit.

“i get it.” you say, although there’s still a bit of bitterness in your voice. “i just wasn’t expecting to run into you. i definitely know i wasn’t going hear from you.”

he opens his mouth to say something, but the words get lost in the back of his throat. what was he even going to say? you stare at him for a few more moments, feeling like maybe the night at the bar was all in your head. the connection the two of you shared could not be further from what was happening right now.

“look, it was good to see you –...” you start, but he grabs your elbow again, cutting you off.

“i’m here for two weeks.” he says abruptly. “i was stupid for not responding to your text. i just didn’t think i could find the time to come back. i didn’t want to open a line of communication if it meant that we’d never hang out again.” him and this new found need to word vomit is making his brain feel very complicated. bucky tried not to psychoanalyze his feelings, but honestly, what he was saying was the truth. “i’d like to see you again.”

you consider his words for a moment, your hand resting on the tote bag on your shoulders, scanning his face for any hint of malice, when you finally detect none, you let out a sigh.

“you can call me and ask me again.” you finally say, your head held high. “i won’t be waiting around.”

bucky smirks at your words, he doesn’t even get a chance to respond before you walk past him, leaving him alone on the streets. oh, he would definitely be calling this time.

[areanoodles]

Miraculous Ladybug Rewrite

Finally posting this. My rewrite for miraculous.

Ive been working on it for a while and just adding to it slowly. So, this is what I have for it so far. I'm deciding that I'm most likely going to make a second blog for just my rewrites (I currently have two I'm working on). So there will probably be a more polished version of this if I make the second blog.

Without further ado, here is my miraculous rewrite (so far..)

-

●Marinette and adrien are still both the main protagonist

●Adrien will actually have more of a focus, if not being more of the main character than Marinette

●Adrien's vocals will be added in the theme song as backing vocals (like in the full version of the theme song)

●Chloe will have a redemption arch

●Marinette and Adrien's romance will sort of be slow burn still, but will happen a lot faster in a way. Instead of dragging it on, they’ll start off having more of a friendship/some platonic banter, and as it progresses they’ll slowly start to realize their affection for one another

●In the umbrella scene (in origins pt. 2), we know marinette develops her crush on adrien from there, but, for this rewrite, marinette may question if she truly loves adrien. She may think she has a little affection for him, but, her crush for him will only slowly develop over time

●so, from the umbrella scene, she won’t actually have a huge crush on him

●adrien will actually be the same since the umbrella scene. He’ll consider Marinette a friend at first, but as time progresses, he’ll also develop a crush on her. He may not recognize it at first when he actually has feelings for her. Marinette will be more likely to detect her feelings for Adrien once she has feelings for him

●Zoe may be given a role in the show if I can properly give her development or any type of character

●not everyone of marinette’s classmates will be given a miraculous (such as Marc, Nathaniel, Ivan, Sabrina, max, Zoe, Kim, rose(?))

●Ladybug and Cat noir will still be the main super heroes. But if they develop a group over time, they’ll have queen bee (chloe), carapace (nino), and Rena Rouge (alya)

●temporary holders that will be recruited time from time will be, viperion (luka), ryuko (kagami)(?), purple tigress (juleka)

●bunnyx will always be a miraculous holders regardless since she has to deal with the timeline and time travel and her as a holder is a lot older (before current alix gets the bunny miraculous)

●Not sure how ill do lila’s (or cerise) character, but I want to figure out what I could do with her just like Zoe

● Gabriel (hawkmoth) won’t akumatize every single day. I think it would be better if he took time to pause from doing destruction, maybe trying to improve his powers during these times he’s not akumatizing, or just doing his job as a fashion designer, or any other lore that could be explored of the agreste family. I also feel like those episodes or times where he doesn’t akumatize anyone, could also give us time to know adrien and marinette better as main characters, can give them more exploration in their civilian lives

●Since I’m most likely keeping zoe in the Rewrite, I might have something that’ll make her more interesting(?)

●Chloe and Zoe don’t know about their existence before they actually meet

●Audrey purposely never told any one of them that they had a half sister in a complete different country

●Audrey was there for chloe, then left to new york

●I guess I’d like to go with the idea Audrey cheated on Andre (since it’s not really explained much in the show)

●Audrey has zoe in New York

●I think Audrey would’ve been flipping back and forth between going to new york and Paris for both of them (while also telling zoe and Chloe that she has to leave because of work and for fashion shows)

●zoe is more cold in this rewrite ●She holds a huge grudge towards audrey for leaving her all those years (and neglecting her for when she was there)

●Zoe for the most part cares less about Audrey. She feels there’s no need to care about something that hasn’t been there for her. Chloe on the other hand is pretty similar if not the same to her season 2 counterpart. She wishes for Audrey to praise her, to acknowledge her. She grieves the mother she wished she had.

●Audrey was more in zoe’s life, but even then, was still neglected by her. Audrey barely paid any attention to her, and didn’t take any time to spend with her

●Chloe also didn’t have a parent to spend time with. Andre was always busy with something and barely took time to hangout with her.

●When chloe and Zoe do meet, they are kind of distant to each other

●Chloe holds a slight grudge towards Zoe cause she feels like she got the better end of the stick (having a mother figure with her, especially since all chloe’s ever wanted was for her mother to be there with her and acknowledge her existence)

●Though, she’s totally oblivious to how much Audrey has affected Zoe too, and that Audrey isn’t as great as much as she gives her credit for

●Zoe really left her boarding school because of the homophobia that she got

●The main reason why cockroaches were eventually put in her locker

●Master Fu dying

●Sometimes characters need to die, and maybe mater Fu being that one character during the time of the show

●I think this will really effect marinette even more than just master Fu losing his memory

●Maybe by the time Master Fu dies, the superhero group would be a thing (ladybug, cat noir, carapace, Rena Rouge, and queen bee), and it'll all greatly affect them

●this will take a toll on them, but marinette especially. The one mentor, the only mentor she had, is now gone, and she’s going through another mental spiral

●she began off in the series with no guidance, finding Master Fu, finally have some sort of guidance, now doesn’t have guidance anymore

●Maybe even the celestial guardian can be introduced this way. With Fu now dead, he presumes the miracle box is still out there, and then figures out a teenager is in possession of it

●this is obviously still close to in show canon, so its not too different

●But, instead, the miracle box isn’t passed down to marinette at all. So marinette’s put in this weird position where she has to take charge and care for the miracle box

●I do want to do something where Marinette/ladybug isn’t the only one taking care of these things, but also has adrien/cat noir to help

●I’ve also been thinking that at some point Zoe will know Chloe is queen bee (as well as the rest of the teams identities)

●Kagami will definitely know some how

-

Thats it. That's what I have so far, this is a really long post.

When I said earlier in the post that adrien will have his vocals added to the theme song, I was in the thought process of if this rewrite were to be animated.

Question marks are put near certain names because I might be unsure of my idea for them for the rewrite

If anyone would like to see more, I can definitely make another post for this rewrite. I do have some more ideas but I will be adding them on slowly

Thats all

[lemotmo]

Genuinely don't understand how these people get these ideas.

Q. Theorizing stuff when we have no idea if he's even still on the show is insane behavior because he's not filming.

A. How do you know he's not filming? You're basing that entirely off of the bts of the calls the show intentionally wanted people to see and be distracted by. Eddie is in El Paso for that episode, duh he wouldn't have been in those BTS videos. You know who else we've barely seen? Jennifer, and none of you are predicting her exit as a result of that. None of you predicted Peter's exit when Bobby retired. Eddie is the only one you do this over. And most of you are following the lead of people who want him to leave, and even they don't genuinely believe he's gone. If he was leaving we would know by now. The show would have allowed that information to have been leaked. Then the cliffhanger would be rather or not his exit would be open ended or if they would kill him off. That's where the speculation would be. Neither the show, or ABC, would allow the show's entire promotional campaign to be built around a duo if one half of that duo was leaving. No one has ever or will ever do that because that's asking your audience to invest in something they can no longer deliver. This show is not stupid. Also Tim basically told you he wasn't leaving. He said the Buck and Eddie story would show both sides of the story. Meaning we will see Buck's side of the story as well as Eddie's side of the story. If Ryan was leaving there would be no Eddie side to tell. The show wouldn't care because he wasn't on the show anymore therefore Buck's did of the story would be the only side that mattered. Be serious for one moment.

Theorizing is part of fandom. You develop theories until you get new information and then you adjust your theories. Guess what? After the TVLine write up, I no longer think my earlier speculation is correct. That's part of the fun. It's part of the point. You all don't see him in clips he should absolutely not be in because his character is in an entirely different city and you immediately conclude Eddie is permanently leaving and he and Buck will call themselves bros for life as he drives off into the oblivion. Your freakouts make absolutely no sense and are invented from absolutely nothing.

Thank you Nonny!

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I cannot.

How many times do we have to repeat ourselves? This topic has been discussed over and over again.

NO! Ryan is NOT leaving! Eddie is not leaving!

Let it go already.

Oh... and you know what?

YES! Buddie is happening! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[jia127zen]

Brothers bestfriend

Anton x fem!reader

genre:fluff, anton is an nervous wreck omg

@strawbrryvyy

any interactions are very appreciated🤍

Anton had always been weird around you. Not in a bad way, but in a deliberately-avoiding-eye-contact, turning-on-his-heel-when-you-walk-in kind of way. You weren’t stupid, you knew he was shy, but the way he went out of his way not to talk to you? That was a whole different level.

And his friends? Oh, they loved to mess with him. If you so much as asked for water, suddenly, it was “Anton, go get Y/N a glass of water.” And when he’d get up, ears pink, they’d all snicker behind his back. So yeah, you had a small crush on him. And after months of this stupid game, you wanted answers.

Bribing your brother was easy, some snacks and a promise to do his chores for a week, and boom. He spilled everything. Yeah, anton likes you. like, a lot.

Armed with this new knowledge, you found him in the kitchen, distracted while filling his cup with water. Perfect. You leaned against the counter, watching as he nearly jumped out of his skin when he noticed you. "Do you like anyone?"

His grip tightened on the glass, and you swore you saw his throat bob when he swallowed. "What?"

"A simple question, Anton." You tilted your head, feigning innocence. His ears turned pink. "uh… yeah."

Bingo.

You took a step closer. "who?"

"It doesn’t matter." He shook his head, setting his glass down a little too hard. "It matters to me."

He hesitated, his gaze flickering toward the living room where your brother and his friends were still laughing about some game. Like he was hoping one of them would save him.

Nope. Not happening.

You raised a brow, waiting.

With a sigh, he finally muttered, "you?.."

And just like that, a grin spread across your face.

———♡———

Back in the living room, you slid onto the couch next to Anton, just close enough for your thigh to brush against his. He tensed, eyes fixated to the screen like his life depended on it. You leaned in slightly, just to watch him squirm. "You’re awfully quiet."

Anton flinched, barely moving his lips as he whispered, "You make me nervous… I guess." Your grin widened. Oh, this was too good.

You acted normal—like you weren’t absolutely wrecking his world just by being near him. But when he reached for his drink, you rested your hand on his thigh just for a second.

The poor boy choked.

"Bro, you good?" One of his friends turned, eyebrows raised. Anton nodded, coughing into his sleeve while his ears burned bright red.

And you? Oh, you just sipped your drink, pretending nothing happened. Because this? oh this was going to be fun.

[little-miss-alone-n-in-love]

kinda similar to a different one but stiles gaming except his partner is too impatient to wait and continue whining so they take matters to into their own hands and blowing him under the desk. maybe he's too into his game to realize what's happening until they're stuffing their mouth with him.

I fear this ask might just be the death of me. Thank you!

As we all know, Stiles' attention is comparable to a headless chicken who is running around on hot coals. So, when his girlfriend wants to feel him while he's too busy gaming, she has to improvise.

Stiles freezes up at the feeling of her mouth unexpectedly closing around him and beginning to suck. He can't believe it's happening, right now, in this way. He doesn't even remember her crawling underneath his desk. But there she is. And Stiles' brain is malfunctioning.

He has to take a deep breath, wondering how on earth he's supposed to stay calm and collected during his game, especially with Scott in his ear, teasing him about how much he's suddenly "sucking". Trust me, Scott. I'm not the one who's sucking right now, he thinks. Luckily, he manages to keep playing.

A small whimper escapes him when his tip reaches her pharynx, and he tries to cover it up by excessively clearing his throat. His hips are twitching, his focus on the game drowning in the presence of the other sensations below. She smiles around him, making him lightheaded.

It's too much: having to stay quiet, but keep talking to Scott; having to stay still, but keep moving his character swiftly to avoid dying. How could anyone survive such wonderful torture?

Soon enough, Stiles can't take it anymore. He's going to cum. Like, right now.

Without saying goodbye to his friend, he quickly exits the game and practically flings his headset onto the desk, his hands then gripping the back of her head to keep it where it is. Heartily moaning, as he's been wanting to do for so long, he sends warm cum down her throat, his pelvis softly trembling.

And guess who's still smiling up at him? Yeah, the girl who's about to get her world rocked and her brain melted.

[kepchupprabbit]

@makezkey @puggnugget @banaynaybread

COME GET YALL ANGST JUICE 😅

Please lmk you're thoughts. I haven't written anything in a really long time, and I was never really confident in my writing to begin with, but I was listening to music, and the muses overtook me, I guess

(I'm also on mobile so sorry if the format is weird)

++++++

Gale,

I miss you.

I keep telling myself I'll see you soon. I keep hoping for a letter or a knock on my door. I keep waking up expecting you by my side. We both know that won't happen. You aren't here. I want to be mad at you, I want to scream and cry. I want to act out and break things, but I just can't bring myself to do any of it.

They keep telling me to trust it will be okay. To trust in the universe and the will of the gods. I think we both know better than that. I think we both know not to trust in the will of the gods. Even La'zell said something about fate, but to be honest, I wasn't really able to listen. They keep telling me to visit the temple. That prayer will help. That even if I get no response at the very least, I will get it off my chest. I know you'd agree to the futility of that scenario.

Elminster came to visit me, if you'd believe it. Explained that Mystra wanted an audience with me. Can you believe it? MYSTRA? Of all the people in the universe, she wanted to speak with me. At Astarion's urging, I went. She brought me to her, opened up a channel of Weave, much like she did for you when we visited her temple so long ago. Can you believe it? Mystra and I having a conversation. It didn't last long of course. After pleasantries, all she really said was what they've all been saying. To visit the temple and pray. Thay praying would bring me relief. RELEIF! Can you believe her?

I left.

I went home.

There is really no relief to be had anyway. You're gone.

Besides, what is the use of praying to the God of ambition when his ambition is the reason you can't go on anymore.

I always loved you Gale.

I was always yours.

- Tav

++++++++

Thank you for reading everyone!

I really like writing things out with pen and paper so I had to type this out specifically to post lol.

Please be gentle with your input but please still be honest

Much love ❤️

Kepp

(Ps I really like stationary and physically writing things, so if anyone wants to know what my tav's handwriting/this letter/journal entry would actually look like, I will 1000% make that happen)

[systlin]

You know I have repeatedly seen people in the forums of the hellpits of the Interwebs I have crawled through on this cursed quest for knowledge be like 'oh yeah the early ones are just planetary swords and sorcery fantasy they aren't that bad for the first five books'.

This, my friends, is a filthy fuckass lie.

Book THREE is this

And everything in this book is batshit

Go ahead if you don't believe me.

To summarize a lot of shit more succinctly;

Tarl ends up on Gor again for Reasons. He in the last book found that his city of Ko Ro Ba was burnt to the ground by the Flame Death for Reasons, and swore revenge upon the Priest Kings.

(No, it is never answered what the Priest Kings are priests OF. Themselves, I assume?)

So, he goes to the Sardar, where they're supposed to live. The Sardar is a mountain range that is entirely walled off with a log palisade. I will let y'all do the mental math on how absolutely bugfuck wild it would be to build a wall around an entire mountain range. He's told a few times that anyone who goes into the mountains dies, but goes anyway because He's A Speshul Boy.

He of course finds the door to the underground high tech ant nest that the Priest Kings call the Nest. It is guarded by two saber toothed tigers on chains. I would think giant two million year old ant wasp praying mantids could get a better security system but I guess not. He does some Manly Posturing but is about to get mauled to death when, unfortunately, a dude lets him in.

The dude who is like the butler or secretary or whatever for the Priest Kings is named Parp.

Fucking

Parp

Anyway Tarl is put in a room with a hot lady named Vika who is a slave. She insists she hates him because Norm seems to think that showing scorn and hatred is how women flirt (this is a common thread through all his books.) Tarl finds her disagreeable because she doesn't beg to suck his dick immediately. If I were her I would have killed him with a straight razor but whatever.

So THEN there's like fifty pages of bullshit about slavery and how it's totally great for women and they love it it makes their hot love oils just GUSH, and yes I am sorry for writing that sentence. Eventually Tarl escapes the little room and sees an actual Priest King, and goes, predictably, 'what the hell is this thing'

The Priest King introduces itself as Misk. Misk says that Priest Kings have no genders save for the Queen and her mate, but Tarl insists on calling the genderless alien bug 'him' through the whole book. Now, you will remember that Tarl came to this place in the first fucking place because he wanted to kill the Priest Kings for destroying his city, which is a fine motivation!

It goes out the window here. Misk tells Tarl that Tarl is a Good Special Friend Boy and Tarl is immediately like we are friends and I would die for you. Misk immediately shows friendship by putting Tarl in a Contraption that gives him a forced medical examination and cleaning and laxative. This is not the last time this happens to Tarl and you can really map out some of Norm's kinks by following such threads.

SO IT TURNS OUT that the Priest Kings and MISK SPECIFICALLY leveled Tarl's city to get his attention so that Misk could send Tarl on a quest for the last queen egg of the Priest Kings. Because, see, the old mother is, well, old. She isn't laying eggs any longer, and the priest kings are all, minimum, thousands of years old. Misk is two million years old. Process that for a sec.

Okay.

Anyway there has been an ongoing power struggle in the nest because a lot of the Priest Kings don't want to give up power, and power is determined by birth order from the current Mother. So several Priest Kings have been killing queen eggs for several million years. Misk smuggled out the last one and now wants it back to hatch a new mother. You will know where it is if you read my hatefic.

Leave aside the fact that there is no fucking way that egg is still viable. This is apparently A Threat, so Sarm...the main egg killing PK...and Misk now engage in a power struggle, each trying to use Tarl to kill the other. There is a scene involving gollums with suction cup feet milking the priest kings that is the weirdest fucking thing I've ever read, and I've read some weird shit.

Oh. Also there is a golden beetle that eats PK's. It exudes a pheremone that makes them nut so far as I can tell? And then it slurps their innards out like a spider. It also reproduces in the most horrible way. If you've read Bloodchild by Octavia Butler you know what I mean. It's sacred to the Priest Kings for some fucking reason. They offer Vika to it for this purpose, but Tarl saves her and now she loves him.

Also the PK's have thousands of slaves in the nest. They shave them utterly bare, make them wear plastic, and make them shower six times a day. Any who misbehave are sent to the Dissection Room. They theoretically all eat a kind of bland white fungus and vitamin pellets but I call horseshit. Slave Pellets Are People, folks.

SO. There's a big war in the Nest over who gets to be in charge. Norm manages to make a laser gun battle over a glowing probably nuclear reactor boring. They almost explode the planet but don't, and Misk's side eventually wins. Tarl sets out to retrieve the last queen egg for Misk, having utterly forgotten his fury at his actual whole city being leveled, with presumably his Free Companion and his father among the dead. But well, Misk gave him headpats and a literal gerbil cage to live in, so I guess that's enough for him.

The book ends there. It's. It's absolute fucking batshittery, every word of it. And I'm cutting out all the nonsense about slavery and how Men Are Natural Masters and women are Natural Slaves and a solid 50% of the more mundane but still absolutely wild shit here.

THIS IS BOOK THREE. THIS STILL HAD AN EDITOR

you know, as you are the resident Tumblr expert on the gor books, I for one would love it if you were to write a summary/essay/rant for some of the books so the rest of us can know what's going on without actually having to read it. I'm morbidly curious but not subjecting myself to that. I'm certain that you would to a wonderful entirely objective not at all opinionated job. So if you ever feel like bashing the books publicly some more, please do

oh, god

I should actually. I should. But god damn there's so many and every one of them has new heinous shit

For now, I'll drop this knowledge; in the most recent, published only last year, the protag is Agnes, an astrophysicist working at a small radio observatory.

This is important because she notes some weird shit in the orbit of Jupiter. As in, radio signals that are clearly of intelligent origin. She does the thing you would do, which is check to see if there are any probes there. There are not.

So she pokes her nose in further, and finds the Kurii planetoid ships. Thinking 'this can't be right' she sends. She sends the data. She sends the data to fucking. Colleagues to verify it.

Colleagues working at the VLA with SETI

The Kurii then 'vanish' her to gor, where the regular 'oh I love being a slave actually' shit plays out. She's told that this will be shut down on earth by one (1) senior scientist in Kurii pay saying it's nonsense no shut up don't look there again.

Me; dude. DUDE. IF SHE SENT THAT DATA TO SETI THEY ARE COUNTING HULL RIVETS ON THOSE THINGS WITH THE VLA AND EVERY ASTROPHYCISIST ON THE PLANET KNOWS NOW. IT'S GAME OVER BRO. CAT OUT OF BAG AND YOU WROTE IT YOURSELF.

THE ASTROPHYSICISTS SMELL UNLIMITED GRANT FUNDING DUDE. THEY ARE SEEING THEIR NAME IN TEXTBOOKS. IT'S OVER MAN.

EARTH IS GONNA BE LANDING SHIPS WITHIN A YEAR, DUDE

[discodummy]

I'm gonna rant about my body image issues and dysmorphia for a second so watch out. I'll put it under a read more if i can figure out how

slay i think i did it. anyway, going to the gym as much as i have and getting into shape and stuff has been lovely, dont get me wrong, but it also makes some things very strange for me. Like, I was raised by a an who had a manual job and was a bodybuilder in his 20's. My perspective of what a "dad bod" was was SO skewed by my dad that i though it meant a buff guy who puffs his chest out when he stands stil to look bigger. My older brother (by three years) was chubby in middle school and then did swimming and lacrosse and had an insane dorito shaped body by 17 and still has it now. I was 6'3 when i started high school and i looked like a lollipop: just a big head on a tiny body. And i stayed that way all through high school. I assumed that getting beefy and filling out like my dad and brother did just want going to happen for me. I spent all of my early and mid 20's weighing like 145 (150 on a good day) and having to buy 28x34's for pants and medium shirts. The pandemic happened and i started working from home and after a few years i was about 210 or so. I stayed around that weight for bit and assumed it was my adult weight and what my body liked and spent over a year coming to terms with it. wel NOW after going to the gym and eating better for the last 10 months, im down to a toned 180 and im all sorts of jumbled up. I hit my shoulders on doorframes bc even though i measured and know my shoulders got at least 4 inches broader, i still dont believe it or feel it. My mediums got too tight, and my XL's from being 210 fit my shoulders and chest but hang off of me. Like im surrounded by evidence of the shape my body is in now, and i can see in the mirror how i look, i just dont think its clicking for me. I'm right about 6'4 and until the last year or so i wouold just say i was "medium tall" bc i didnt think i was TALL tall, just tallER. Like thats how deep this weird disconnect from the objective truths of my body goes. And now im at the point where people compliment my arms or chest or butt or something and i cant shake the nagging feeling that its just flattery and they dont mean it and isnt true. Someone said my arms were big and i was like "i mean theyre long, but i wouldnt say big" and it took me seeing several people with smaller arms over the course of a while for me to be like "oh yeah i guess so". Like, i always felt like the most average and unremarkable of my family and thats SUPER bleeding into things now. Maybe i dont think i can be extraordinary or above average or something?? All i know is im CLEARLY not seeing what everyone else is, and poeple are getting frustrated with me about it and taking it as me being fake-humble or just plain oblivious. And i feel insane talking about it bc one of my friends says it makes him feel awful to see someone who "looks like me" doubt myself so much, because that means that HE must be so much worse then. I also know that a 6'4 in shape white guy having body image issues isnt exactly the easiest thing to sympathize or empathize with, but it sucks that I feel like i cant really talk about it with anyone bc it just gets too personally hard for anyone to go in depth about. Its like my issues are too triggering for others and i just need to get a grip or something. IDK, i just needed to vent about this bc i dont know what else to do. if you read all of this, let me know what you think or something lol

[evelynpr]

FINISHED WATCHING MHA MOVIE 2: HEROES RISING!!! SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED IT

OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS WAS SO GOOD YO HOLY FUCK I LOVE IT AAAAAAAAAAAAA

This was truly My Bakudeku Academia. Watching that final battle felt like a religious experience- as if I was watching the birth of Christ. Holy fuck if that really was the original ending, with Deku passing OFA to Kacchan, and the whole "Oh it actually stayed with Deku and Bkg got amnesia" didn't happen, this would have been a dramatically different story moving forward.

Horikoshi really loves Bakugou- like absolutely no question. The story following this kind of ending would be about him continuing OFA's legacy with the guilt of a thousand suns on his shoulders for "taking away" Izuku's dream. Izuku would have continued the hero course as an actual quirkless student. I would love to see aus of this being canon and continuing their story from there.

I'm guessing Nine here was supposed to be AFO, and he would basically be gone too. Katsuma is perfectly set up to be the next protagonist (I can already imagine him using Cell Regeneration as Super Regeneration- he could become invincible while also healing others. Incredibly amazing quirk).

NUMBER ONE COMPLAINT I HAD WAS ADDRESSED. THE REST OF THE CLASS ACTUALLY DO FEEL STRONG AND USEFUL AND EVERYTHING AS SHIT I LOVE IT AAAAAAAA

YES MY GIRL OCHAKO FINALLY HAS HER BIG MOMENT FLOATING SO MUCH DEBRIS!!! I'M SO HAPPY- EVEN JIRO, AOYAMA, SHOJI, TOKOYAMI AND MORE HAD LEGIT GOOD SCENES AND FIGHTS I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH THEY ARE SOOO COOLLLLL THEY GENUINELY GAVE IT THEIR ALL FUCK YEAHHHHH

(note. THAT WOLF GUY CALLED SHOJI UGLY- A FELLOW HETEROMORPH, CUS HE WAS PROJECTING HIS "MONSTER" ISSUES ON HIM HOW FUCKING DARE YOUUUUU)

THEY ALSO MAKE IT ACTUALLY MAKE MORE SENSE HOW THE WHOLE CLASS IS SEPARATED ON AN ISLAND TOGETHER AS A WHOLE CLASS THIS TIME TOO (and not just half like last movie). They even managed to tie it in to AFO, the LoV, and Hero Society. Like it actually feels more grounded and reasonable why the class would be here alone with supervision.

They even add hints of Touya Todoroki with him having a short battle with Endeavor, Hawks spying in the LoV, the HSPC head cameo, and other little things too. Man I loved this fucking movie I would watch it 10 more times right now.

[rei-ismyname]

That is a really good point. I'd love to see that too, though I think it could go either way. At that point in time Logan is so high on his own farts and pretty much everyone enables him. He's never been especially shy about trying to kill Scott himself. It may not be explicit but are there many ways to slash or stab a moving target non-lethally with science fiction sharp metal claws?

I guess that's Logan though, right? Violent and hypocritical. I'm sure he'd have complicated feelings privately, likely filtered through his Jean obsession with a hint of 'a warrior deserves a better death than that.' That's just speculation though, the point is that we didn't get it, reflecting or otherwise.

I absolutely agree that Logan behaved worse, however he wants as usual. I've been re-reading bits of the Utopia era and for all that people complain about Scott and blame him for whatever - without him every single mutant would have died several times over. I think he's held to an impossible standard during the most difficult time for mutants and then cast aside once the crisis was over. He wasn't just a military leader either - he dealt with political crises and an ongoing extinction event while being attacked by governments, paramilitary groups, robots from the future, demons, etc etc times a million. We should always criticise our leaders and what they do in our name but nobody else put their hand up. I believe whoever was in that position would have received similar treatment while doing a worse job. We'll never know, but it's interesting that the Jean Grey school didn't really face any serious threats.

Yeah, fuck Old Man Logan though I appreciate that Jean herself got to emphatically reject his bullshit. It's hypocrisy either way, but especially coming from that fool.

Yeah, I mean dude has his chance to and he threatened, terrified and traumatised them. I know you mean that Doylistically, but I was pretty satisfied with the kids' reaction to that clown as any kind of moral authority. The Jean Grey school was built from glass and Logan threw a lot of stones. Him internalising young Jean's disgust would break the pedestal Marvel built for Logan. Creepy MF.

Yeah Rosenberg's run was peak Logan Behavior. Everyone was getting in on it so Scott did the sensible thing and abdicated/decentralised leadership. Still got blamed for everything. Logan's emotional immaturity is never more apparent than the Rahne situation (which was a terrible choice btw. Spot on trans coding with nothing new to say, just fodder for Logan's violence.) It's there on the page for once - what was anyone supposed to do to prevent that? She walked away to live her life how she wanted. Short of locking her up, that's life. Agreed re the funeral.

I have a grudge too.

Yeah, I mean I'm always going to be glad they did something new. Broke the cycle of misery that had been going on for at least a decade. I feel like a lot of grudges were put away to make it work, though they were never truly buried. The problem with Logan is that he's too damn popular and it's frozen his personality at where it was in the nineties. People change around him and just accept how he behaves. We could be generous and say that the apologies and growth happened off page. Not only is that unlikely (his behaviour hasn't changed a bit) but it's a waste of character growth. I'm not the average Wolverine enthusiast (I assume) but that would be great to see.

I'm adding that to my wishlist too, though I doubt it'll ever happen. I think Wolverine fans can handle some honest emotional growth and consequences for his actions, but Marvel is conservative with their cash cow.

Cyclops mourns Logan

Pretty sure he's dated more psychics than that

They really called it Cyclops in YOU. Hell yeah. Anyway, Logan is dead. Scott, unaware that he's in a comic book, is treating this event as if it's forever. Lucky for us, because their messed up relationship is like crack for me. He considers how Logan was his most complicated relationship, and that's a lot coming from him.

There's definitely resentment there, because Logan was and is a selfish jerk. It's refreshing honesty, and very Scott Summers. He's remembering all the different ways in which Logan made his life harder, acted like a creep, or spited him needlessly, yet Logan's death is keeping Scott up at night.

I love this flashback to after the Dark Phoenix Saga (I think) and it makes pretty clear that Logan transferred his idealisation from Jean to Scott. Scott is standing at his wife's grave and somehow Logan manages to make literally everything about him. At least he acknowledges his grief and says 'sorry for your loss.' Wait, no that doesn't happen actually. The bastard just tells him he's not allowed to quit because of his psychosexual obsession. I wonder what Scott is thinking as he walks off. An optic blast in the back would be somewhat justified (and funny) but Scott usually has better self control than that.

He considers the aftermath of Fatal Attractions, when Magneto performed field surgery on his bones. Logan definitely wasn't used to not being immortal and the apex murderer. His recovery was long and his whining intense.

Is Scott biting Magneto there?

Scott approaches Logan as he's punishing himself in the Danger Room and echoes his words back to him, offering him a hand up. He remembers the heartwarming threats and the good times shared together fighting for their lives. Brothers in grief and violence, rivals who are simultaneously paternal figures to each other.

Scott is very prone to blaming himself for things going wrong, and Logan was always there to remind him. I don't think he's being fair on himself but he never really is. Blaming Scott for things is an X-Men sport. He repeats Logan's insane words for a third time - 'we don't get to quit.' Scott cries in the snow on all fours outside the base where Logan was repeatedly tortured and dehumanised, but he doesn't quit.

Scott imagines what Logan's funeral would be like, and he's not far off. He thinks hard about an appropriate way to honour his memory. The answer is obvious - alcohol and violence. I have no doubt Scott knows exactly where every mutant hater watering hole is, but it's funnier to imagine him wandering around until he finds one.

Proving he knows him pretty damn well, Scott sends Logan off by beating the shit out of some bigots and drinking over their unconscious bodies. 'Here's to you, bub. See you in a year or so.' Cyclops is pretty famous at this point, so these dudes probably know exactly who he is. They'll be telling that story for a while, of the time they were drinking and hating on mutants then Scott Summers came out of nowhere to fuck them up. Logan wouldn't be proud exactly, but he'd probably grunt and call him bub. That's practically 'I love you' from Logan, and Scott loves his dumb ass too.

[psychopomp-namine]

.

[ofblemishwithin]

JJ was processing the reality of this event. JJ was more then capable of handling his dad, of the abuse, of each time he talked back, each time he was the one to dare give the roll of an eyes, do stupid reckless shit, he’d be the one with a hit to the face, hand wrapped around his throat daring to fight for air. But this time he felt the painful marks on his neck, he felt the dizziness on his head. But as dier as this situation was; the only way JJ knew how to fight through the pain. Was to laugh it off; and of course the last person he wanted to be here, was the annoying one to never give up. He’d be chewing out Maia later; once he wasn’t on his own priority. Once they were safely miles away from his deadbeat dad, his little home. “ Trust me when I say these injuries are nothing new, nothing I can’t handle. As for you.. I can assume this is a little too intense for your kook princess ass.” There we go, a tease yet insult? Or was JJ simply putting up the mask to push Maia far enough off that edge. 

JJ didn’t like talking about the torment he dealt with; each time his dad drank, each time he was on his new set of drugs of the week. Luke could be a dad, when he was clean, but it was like he blamed me for what happened to my mom, and now JJ felt suffocated like he was trapped. As he slowly sat up, he did feel her hand on his back her lame attempt to be caring, I had to fight every urge not to brush her hand off me. I wasn’t a child, I didn’t need help standing. Well, considering the throbbing in my head I guess the jury was out on that one. I could tell Maia was shaken up, which is maybe why I was willing to not cuss her out yet. Placing his hands on the ground he brushed her touch off as he pushed his strength into his hands as he made his move to stand onto his feet. Slightly wobbly at first, but JJ was sure to dust himself off. Glancing to his dad who was more than passed out on the porch. Rightfully so. 

“ No, no even think just because you walked in on my ass of a father doing that, that it makes us friends.” Defenses, truth was JJ was kinda concerned Maia may open her smart mouth and spread it around, that a girl saved his ass. I couldn’t even say the words beating me up, because then I may threaten to care vulnerability. And Maia no way in hell was she getting my sensitive side yet. “ Considering I’m letting you come with me to John B’s I think that’s bone enough thrown your way.” I said with a set of raised brows now, as I slowly moved down to the steps I needed to get off this property if not for myself but for Maia before he woke up. “ And don’t worry, I know where the first aid stuff is, I’m not dumb. If you breathe a word of this to anyone you can forget me ever giving you a shot.” 

Or Maia truly will live up to the kook name. JJ was already the joke of figure 8 his dad, the drug addict but I was tougher than that shit; and this was me throwing a bone to the annoying pain in my ass.

Paths intertwined

@thehellsakook 

Outer Banks; it was made up of two sides. The rich freaks that lived on figure 8 and the pogues which were known as the people that had to scrape by. JJ was neither; well he was a pogue; it was his known family. But he wasn’t the guy that had people looking out for him. He had a dad but he was far from the father figure you’d picture in your mind. He was the guy that scraped by, with working on boats; that helped the rich across the town in order to make the ends meet, but he was also the dirty guy that tended to feed off any person that was willing to toss him money. 

JJ witnessed it first hand; the poker nights growing up. The smell of beer that stayed within these walls. The lack of food provided. JJ knew he had to count on himself. It’s why John B, Pope, and kie and I all stuck together. We helped each other when we felt in a bind. Kie was able to help more considering she lived in the big house; she was a kook yet she liked slumming it with us. She didn’t care what her parents said, all the warnings based on the rumors. It was always kooks vs the pogues what could I say? JJ though he had to fend for himself; he was the one who walked around at night; waiting for the wreck to close up; and Kie would help hand out any extra food the restaurant had. He didn’t like asking for help nor would you hear him say the words. But the pogues knew; his dad he was unreliable, the only person he could count on was himself. 

It was another start to a another school year. One JJ was dreading, he knew in order to make it life you had to learn. YOu had to sit through each boring class. He was his own kind of smart. He could pick up on cues, he could pick up on the simple concepts; but when it came to applying himself he froze. He rather let Pope do the work; and he’d feed the notes of each subject to him. Pope was the brains of the pogues; he was the school scholar that wanted to go to an ivy league school, and I had no doubt in my mind he’d make it. But me; I was barely getting by. John B had the smarts like myself; his quick thinking. But would we amount to anything? Heck no. All that in mind; JJ had pushed the simple supplies of a notebook, a few pencils into his backpack. Using his hand he zipped it; as he heard the calling from the windows. 

“ JJ Man let’s go.” John b neither of his friends dared to stay inside especially when his dad’s truck was parked outside. He had pulled the strap of his bag over his shoulder. Taking his gray baseball cap he brought it to rest over his sandy blonde hair. A pair of shorts he wore; an an old white T-shirt, simple was all the teen did. He closed the door to his room and made his way through the small home. He paused when he saw his dad head facing down against the arm rest of the couch. Same old day; he was passed out probably from his work last night; or the money he managed to trick out of his so called buddies. I had to roll my eyes as I took the keys for the boat; for after school. Tucking the key into my shorts pocket. I had stepped through the swinging doors spotting Kie and Pope. Eyes moved to try to find our missing friend; the one I had heard inside. Ducking my head down; I had felt a pair of arms wrap around my neck from behind. “ Took you long enough.” John B, I had used my hands to push behind me; in order to push the male down. 

This was us; joking around; laughing on the walk to the dreadful day at school. I never cared what anyone thought; the pogues were my life. The only ones I truly cared about. The walk was a bit longer compared to figure 8, as we stepped onto the pavements we caught sight of the sport cars, of the fancy cars; you’d dream of riding in. I had to roll my eyes; just another day. Topper and Sarah and their crew were hanging out by the small wall before the stairs. We had shrugged our shoulders as we passed. Stepping one at a time on the stairs until we walked right into the building. 

Pope and Kie had walked the other way as John B and I did our hand shake an agreement to meet at next class; math my worse. I had science first; the male ducked his textbook under his arm as he walked the distance to the class. Cap blinding his eyes from making eye contact with anyone. He had found a spot in the third row; the desk in front of him as he placed his book down. His legs in front of him. Hand had moved to rest on the edge of the desk when he spotted the brunette from the sports car; a kook. Figures. To his surprise she was directed to sit next to him; oh great, cue the roll of his eyes. JJ had barely acknowledged her. “ Ah okay.” As if I was giving out my name to strangers; attention drawn to the teacher as if I intended on paying attention.

[loderlied]

sharing some thoughts about deactivating here because it’s been difficult pondering idk.