#if anyone else already made a post like this im gonna look real stupid huh

[8thsniper]

me and my friend were talking about the whole "every sinner has one item they keep in all ids" thing and how its connected to their icon a while ago so im putting all we came up with here

yi sang: well hes got a book in at least Some ids and the icon looks like sheets of paper if you squint. couldnt come up with anything better (others under cut)

faust: unsure. we couldnt come up with anything for faust other than "idk it kind of looks like a brain" She might not even have an item since shes set apart from the rest (see: her ego being th eonly one to not have barbed wire over it)

don quixote: her rocinantes :) they have the horse symbol on them its just hard to see with the quality here

ryoshu: one of the most obvious (its pretty hard to miss the fact that she has a whole extra sword in every id) in some images you can see theres a butterfly pattern on the hilt

meursault: i didnt notice this one somehow but his belt buckle looks like a chain link, its got the same shape as the one in his icon

hong lu: okay maybe a stretch but im pretty sure his is his eye. icon looks like an eyeball, and i think his liu uptie story mentioned it isnt naturally Like that

heathcliff: the border around his icon is probably supposed to be his ring (unfortunately 2/4 of his ids have gloves on and you cant see it very well in his base id </3)

ishmael: her headband (this ones pretty clear i think)

rodion: she has a tattoo of a heart, cant tell if its hte same as her icon with an axe going into it because with most ids we can only see the edge

sinclair: this ones also a stretch but could be the mark since his icon has the same symbol...? but its only visible in one id

outis: her watch. shes got it in her ids and appears to be checking the time in her base ego. its got a trojan horse symbol on it too shes up to something

gregor: roach friend :) little guy that is always with him

okay yeah thats all we got so far

[fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy]

Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 43

[Date: 23/02, 04.05 PM - 05.01 PM GMT]

fetch: “oh hey guys I’m not dead or brainwashed from last night lol”

fetch: “yeah like??? I read back on the muted chat and I legit don’t remember that happening

all I did yesterday was nap and play bugsnax”

jaynoblade: “fetch... you made a tumblr post about it

give me a second, i’ll show you”

fetch: “no CROWN made a post from my account. I was it already”

jaynoblade: “oh... that explains the red”

boo: “pardon, crown has access to your account?”

fetch: “I saw that I also sent baron an ask but I don’t remember that either

look I don’t know if he does or not

I mean he obviously did for I thin a little bit? maybe I should change my password”

jaynoblade: “that might be a good idea”

fetch: “if it makes yall feel any better mona is off work today and last night she said she'd be keeping an eye on me

I get yall were worried about me but take it easy on her she literally could not leave her job lmao

I dont think Walmart is gonna take "my friend is about to get brainwashed by an enderman thing" as an emergency leave excyse”

fetch: “And yeah just. be careful calling her king, that sounds way too close to a court member. if you're gonna refer to her like that, spell it like k1ng”

fetch: “so like! i'm not dead that's good! :]

i don't know what weird game crown was playing with me last night”

jaynoblade: “crown's always playing games with all of us, so an extra one comes at no surprise”

fetch: “man I was having such a good time jamming to tunes too

server admins work hard but groovy bot works even harder/j”

fetch: “anyway sorry if yall saw my half-asleep ramblings in the doc, I'm trying to form some sort of chronological order of events”

jaynoblade: “that's valid! sometimes it's hard to remember things”

fetch: “anyway i. i had a little bit of a thought yesterday. yknow before the whole delerious screaming because of a music box song thing. but its a pretty far stretch so I don't know if it'll help if I toss this into the ring”

jaynoblade: “oh?”

fetch: “i was thinking. the dreamsmp loves their greek myths right? the whole theseus thing, pandoras vault, etc etc right. i think crown and this court is sort of like the hydra”

fetch: “i fell out of control (a head gets cut off) and chat and page are still up there (two grow back in its place)"

fetch: “ what if we try to release someone else from control, but that just gets more people hurt"

[boo: “we gotta burn the cut head yeah?" ]

boo: “ that's how the hydra was defeated"

fetch: “i always thought he pierced the heart? killed the whole beast rather than just one head

thats where I was going with this metaphor anyway

that crown is the heart of the hydra”

boo: “ huh you're right, i just thought that lessening the heads would help w getting to the heart"

jaynoblade: “he burned each of the heads until it was reduced to one, and then either stabbed it in the heart or cut off the final head (which was immortal, and which killed the body) and buried it under a rock. myths don't agree"

boo: “yeah"

jaynoblade: “but yeah, lessening the heads would definitely help with getting to the heart”

fetch: “oh ok"

jaynoblade: “ or the final head, whichever version"

boo: “i don't know how we'd burn it though”

fetch: “maybe something to do with the crowns?"

jaynoblade: “ i don't know either

hmmm maybe”

fetch: “crown is very insistent that they keep their circlets on

odd that I didn't have mine- er, knight's when I woke up in the woods”

jaynoblade: “ ....so do you think that you took it off, and that's why you woke up?"

Denora: “Hmmmm, maybe it got snagged on a branch? It might've been unintentional...”

fetch: “if it's really that simple, I think prince would have done it already. you remember that whole "doesn't want to be in the family" thing at the start of all this?"

disks and the color red |Stars: “maybe someone took it off for you"

fetch: “I dont know. on one hand, crown seems very confused that i got free. on the other, I don't think he'd be so careless with something so important.

i dont think they just "come off"

regardless, im also worried for maxwell. he's still just as under crowns control as is was. only difference is he hasn't come around

and the fact that he did it because i got taken.”

jaynoblade: “he did, once. it was only for a few minutes, but we had him back

and then he was gone again"

fetch: “...so he's still in there

its not too late

that. makes me feel a little better.

look maxwell may have been a bit of a prick who kept antagonizing crown even after we asked him to stop but he was still one of us and he shouldn't be working with crown. the last thing maxwell would want is to give the "pissbaby" (his words not mine) more power"

jaynoblade: “not sure about the other court members, but.... they've been there for much longer, and we haven't had as long with them”

fetch: “there might be time to save the other court members too. even prince. baron seems the least of concern for now since he's went to crown and actually confronted him multiple times now with seemingly no consequence.

and when I say confront I really mean its like 2 or 3 times not he's said that he was gonna ask crown something”

jaynoblade: “yeah definitely

but then again.... crown’s had him even longer than prince”

fetch: “despite that he seems pretty low on the food chain...”

jaynoblade: “he really does, and there’s probably a reason for that

maybe he’s overall harder to control or something like that”

fetch: “probably

maybe he's the "you're not my real dad you can't tell me what to do" type”

fetch: “or maybe. hm.

maybe he's leaving baron alone to make prince happy

they are best friends after all”

jaynoblade: “....that could be completely possible”

fetch: “if prince sees crown hurting baron that would be a mega fuck up on crowns part”

fetch: because they're loyal to crown but childhood friendships run deep

boo: or maybe baron's just not that big of a risk

fetch: yeah maybe that too

also during my reading back I saw what jayyy and a couple others were planning. not a fuckin fan at all if you ask me”

fetch: “trying to "summon" crown or sacrifice yourself for him is in no way shape or form a good idea

just because I broke control doesn't mean everybody can”

fetch: “and if you just flat out say "if I get yoinked feel free to use me for information" then thats just? not going to make crown take you if he knows you're gonna do that?

or at the very least he's gonna keep you in the dark

he isn't stupid. he knows where information is supposed to be.”

fetch: “and- let me reiterate- getting taken is NOT FUN. it isn't something you can just make weekend plans for and act like you or anyone else won't be affected once you're done with your little "experiments"”

[People continue to discuss how fetch might have gotten free and to k1ng’s house for a few minutes more.]

[shhh-no-ones-home]

rules of the game (2/3) chris motionless x reader

+++++++++

part 1 part 2 part 3

i couldnt just leave ya hanging right? ;)

(usually I do a different part every day but I think this story deserves to be posted in the same day so here it is, enjoy)

Song: a little less sixteen candles a little more touch met by fall out boy

tag list: @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee @svintsandghosts @thisplace-ishaunted @joeybarber @ryansitkowskiswifey @musicsexandpizza69

+++++++++

I watched Chris out of the corner of my eye as he drove me home. I kept picking at my pocket, thinking about if I really wanted to let him go through with the bracelet rules. Of course they were stupid, and putting them on you never really think about them actually breaking but here we were. It was an accident after all. I sighed heavily.

"Hey Chris?"

He tapped his hand on the steering wheel along with the song.

"Yeah?"

I looked out the window at the passing buildings.

"Could we go to the look out instead?"

When he stopped at the stop light i looked over at him.

"You wanna go to the look out?"

I cleared my throat and nodded.

"Not ready to go home yet."

I looked ahead as he kept driving.

"Okay, yeah we can go to the look out. If that's what you want."

I tapped my hand nervously on my thigh.

"Yeah."

i heard his blinker and watched as the trees came into view. the look out was way back in the woods, hidden away from the rest of the world. most of our classmates had notoriously made it the make out spot for a while but it was otherwise a nice get away. it was also supposedly haunted by teens that had been pushed off the cliff sometime in the late 80's but it was just rumors. often times chris and i had found our way to the look out to sit on the roof of his car and watch the sky or even just talk for hours on end. it had sort of become our spot after everyone else moved the make out spot to the park across town. guess they didnt like the idea of ghosts watching them get hot and heavy. his car drove wobbly as it went over the gravel entrance, making its way to the dirt trail. when the cliff came into view i let out the breath i didnt realize i was holding in. i was actually contemplating this. he parked and looked at me but i didnt look back, i just got out like i always did.

"so are we talking or chilling?"

he asked from his side of the car, watching as i climbed up onto the hood and sat in front of the window.

"not sure yet."

he laughed a little before coming to sit next to me. i inhaled deeply, the smell of the woods surrounding us filling my senses in the best way possible. the sun felt warm on my skin and i couldnt have asked for better weather. the breeze swung around us, pulling my hair off my shoulder as the trees rustled in the background.

"isnt it beautiful?"

i asked, noting the clouds rolling overhead.

"uh yeah i guess."

he said making me laugh a little bit and shake my head. i scooted over a bit and laid back against the windshield of his car, crossing my hands under my head.

"have you ever thought about kissing me?"

i asked, not moving my gaze from the clouds moving above me. one of them was in the shape of an elephant and made me smile.

"is this about the bracelet? i told you we didnt have to-"

"just answer the question chris."

i cut him off, turning my head to look at him. he was looking down at the space between us.

"yeah. yes. i have."

i nodded and looked back up at the blue sky.

"so have i."

he raised a brow.

"wait, really?"

i sat back up, scooting back up the hood a little bit.

"well yeah. ive always wondered what it would be like. like a lot of times i just shake it off cause i kind of think about what it would be like with a lot of people but for some reason youre the only person i consistently think about it."

"huh."

he said, looking ahead of us and thinking.

"like not in a weird way, of course, but like i guess youre just my best friend and i spend the most time with you so i guess you on my brain a lot."

"right."

he said nonchalantly. then he looked over at me.

"so does that mean you want the hickie?"

i shrugged.

"i dont know what i want anymore."

then he leaned towards me and kissed my cheek. my eyes were wide despite the conversation we had just had.

"i mean, id gladly oblige."

i looked over at him half smiling at me. damn i was really gonna do this huh? i pushed forward and kissed him quickly, barely a peck on the lips. he was quick to retaliate though, bringing his hand to hold my face and kissing me for real. it was soft and gentle as he moved his mouth against mine. i sighed out as he pulled away.

"is it shitty to say that was my first kiss?"

i said a bit bashfully. he smiled widely at me.

"no, not shitty. its cute."

he said endearingly. i remembered when he had told me he first kissed someone. he was so excited but it was just a peck, nothing more nothing less.

"how bout that hickie though?"

i asked, feeling the blush creep its way to my face, the cool breeze feeling better now on my heated features.

"we can work up to it."

he said with a wink, scooting his body closer to mine. i wasnt exactly sure what that meant but it made my stomach flip. i looked down as he laced our fingers together.

"lets start off slow."

he said quietly, like he would break some kind of untold rule if he spoke above a whisper. i nodded as he leaned forward and captured my lips in his again. it was slow and smooth, kissing him over and over again almost felt like the sensation of warm caramel melting as you ate it. it was much more different than i thought it would be but it was nice. we slowly made out, building up until he pushed me down against the windshield, resting his one arm above my head and continuing to kiss me. i wasnt sure if this would go further but i liked the idea that it might. i knew for a fact neither of us had been with anyone physically yet and that scared me. his movements got a little more needy as he began kissing me a little rougher, trailing his free hand across my throat. i moaned into him before he started kissing across my jaw. i tried to steady my nervous breathing as he made his was down my neck.

"chris."

i sighed out. he just hummed against my skin as he began sucking and biting it, holding me loosely in place. i could feel him getting closer to my body, not that it was necessarily possible, he was already practically laying on top of me. he moaned into me as i felt his hand start slowly moving further down. i grabbed his hand and he froze, looking up at me. i sat up immediately and swung my legs over the side of the car, breathing deeply and running my hands over my face. he placed his hand gently on my shoulder.

"im sorry y/n, i shouldve asked if you wanted more. you didnt exactly say to stop, i thought you were enjoying it. i just, im sorry."

i shook my head.

"no, its fine. i thought i did but maybe i was wrong."

i turned to look at him.

"well you at least got your hickie."

he laughed nervously, making me smile at him. i turned back around and kissed him reassuringly.

"thanks chris."

he looked down at my lips quickly before kissing me again.

"any time."

then something hit him in the back of the head, making his hat go flying. it scared the shit out of me, making me scream. he held me to him, looking around at what couldve done it but there was nothing there.

"i think the ghosts are mad."

he nodded quickly.

"i think youre right, lets go."

i nodded back before he let me go, both of us getting off the car. i picked up his hat and slid into the passenger side, buckling my seat belt as fast as i could as he turned the car on.

"okay no more making out at the look out."

i said a little shaken, reaching over and putting his hat back on him.

"yeah i think youre right. late night conversations yes, kissing absolutely not."

i laughed a little bit before leaning over and kissing his cheek.

"who knew a bunch of teens would be mad about other teens having a little fun."

he laughed at my comment, side eyeing me as he pulled back out onto the main street.

"maybe thats how they died."

he said, winking at me. my face went straight and i shivered at the thought.

"well, they do say go out with a bang."

he looked at me for a second before we both started laughing hysterically.

"whatever, if you wanna go out with a bang im sure we can arrange something."

i smiled in amusement at his comment.

"glad to know theres an offer there."

i watched him as he turned down the street to my house.

"we're officially adults now, i can offer whatever i want."

when he pulled into my driveway he just looked over at me, staring at me with a stupid grin plastered on his face.

"if youre waiting for a kiss goodbye youre not getting it."

he pouted a bit before leaning over the center consol and tickling me.

"what? no kissy wissy? not even a wittle one?"

he joked, as i squirmed, screaming and laughing as he attacked my sides with his finger tips.

"alright! alright! just one!"

i said, making him stop. we both laughed as he continued holding onto me. i leaned into him and kissed him deeply. when i pulled away i stroked his chin gently.

"goodbye nerd."

he smiled widely at me.

"goodbye loser."

he let me go and popped the door open for me. i pushed it and got out, looking back down into the car at him.

"ill catch ya on the flip side."

i pointed at him.

"and youd better be at graduation practice next week."

he crossed his heart with his finger before holding his hand up in the air.

"and miss out on making fun of the principle giving the end of year speech? unheard of."

i shook my head and moved to close the door.

"bye chris."

[indigopurple]

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

[stardust-revengers]

[Only you]

Bucky Barnes x reader.

I’m sorry I’m not good at titles skjsjsj

Request: Heelloo! Would you mind doing a Bucky x Reader where the team pranks Bucky into thinking the reader broke up with him?

Word count: 1.9k

Warning: lil angsty?? But fluff ends so dw, uhh also very very bad writing so I warned u

A/n: wowowo M’s posted three one shots in three days are we dead???, no I’m just in winter break so ya know what that means, anyways. I originally was gonna do a friends AU! (Cuz recently I’ve been rewatching it coughcough) and I was gonna do the whole “they broke up but then one ends up surprise proposal” but then I remembered how much I hate proposals so yeah, uhhh I literally changed it last minute and wrote it super quick so I’m sorry if it sucks!! Also! If ya wanna request shit send shit my way because I have nothing better to do 🤠👊🏼

___________

“What do you mean no?”

The winter soldier stared at the billionaire, tony stark before him with the at most confused look on his face, while the question he just asked still in the air.

“What I meant to say was,,,,no...you can’t take y/n out tonight because she….uh….because she has a mission with uh,, STEVE..yeah”. Tony’s attempt at trying to cover up the real reason he accidentally said out loud, yelled, the word no to something that didn’t even concern him.

“First of all stark you can’t tell me where I can and can not take my girlfriend, second, I didn’t even ask you for permission I was just letting you know we won’t be around tonight and third, why no?” Bucky just continued to get more furious as the conversation went on. Why on earth would stark not want them to go out? Him and the rest of the team were the ones who got Bucky and y/n together six months ago in the first place? And tony doesn’t even like Bucky that much to begin with so why now does it matter?

“Point taken, but like I said she’s busy” tony tried to cover up the real deal that was going on.

Bucky was to say the least confused “why can’t y/n cancel or something, she never mentioned it sooner, and I’m sure Steve will understand we haven’t gone out together in a while and I just want some alone time with her, where is she anyway?”

“You haven’t seen her all day?”

“Uh no actually”

“Huh weird” tony scoffed for effect trying to shift the subject away from y/n

“So how was your day”

Bucky slowly turned toward tony to face him his eyebrow cocked up and his lip twisted into a frown.

“What’s going on?” He asked

“Nothing, why? Why- would you think something is up?”

Bucky eyed tony as his eyes turned to slits

“Because you never ask me how my day is..”

Normally tony wouldn’t give two damns about the soldier, and frankly he didn’t like to admit it but he liked seeing bucky so happy together with y/n.

“I was just asking-“

“Why did you change the subject? Why are you hiding something? I’m a spy stark I know when someone is lying?” Bucky protested against him.

With having nothing to come up with and tony not wanting to spoil y/n’s whole “it’s our anniversary so I want to surprise him, keep him away for the evening” thingy, tony yelled out the first thought that came to mind that would hopefully keep the winter soldier to shut up for a couple more hours and more importantly away from the surprise.

“FINE ya wanna know why you can’t go out or find y/n, because she wants to break up with you! Hey I said it! She was too scared to say anything so she told me to tell you but I didn’t wanna because you are my friend” Tony’s lies build up one on top of the other. For a smart guy he could be pretty dumb, and Bucky wasn’t buying it.

“Bullshit stark, it’s our anniversary and she knows it she’s probably hiding or som-“ Bucky tried to reason with him even though deep down a part of him believed it could be true what tony said.

“I’m not bluffing, ask anyone, look I’m sorry man.” tony tried to fire back with a sarcastic comment but for once he couldn’t think of one, as he looked at Bucky straight in the eyes moving closer to him he saw the sadness overcome the man, he reached out to put an arm on his shoulder only to have Bucky smack it away quicker than lighting.

“I just need to see y/n”

“I- i- don’t think that’s a very good idea” tony knew he overstepped the boundaries and made this shitshow even worse but what came next for some reason was something he couldn’t have expected.

“BECAUSE SHE LEFT ALREADY” tony than covered his mouth with a hand mumbling some things of what seemed to be curse words under his breath.

Bucky looked down at the ground and back at stark for a moment his face was filled with guilt. What did he do? This is his fault. He wasn’t enough for her and now she dropped everything and left him. He should’ve known.

Tony saw the scene happening right in front of him and he knew what Bucky was thinking, he knew he should have kept his mouth shut, of all the things he could’ve said it had to be, “ oh hey by the way your girlfriend left and dumped you hahahah sorry!”

Knowing that the first thing Bucky would wanna do was collapse on his shared room, well ex shared room with

y/n, tony immediately ran in the other direction and contacted Natasha who was with y/n in her room gett no the surprise for bunch ready.

Bucky was blanking, staring at the ground, his mind was rushing with a million thoughts a second, all the reason he thought of why she left and what he could have done to prevent this from happening flushed through his mind, before he knew it a tear was rolling down his cheek. His legs felt like jelly and needed to sit down, he needed to scream and yell and ask y/n so many questions. But all he did was walk to his room to hopefully sleep this off and to wake up fork this nightmare.

Knowing he is too late to go find her and thinking she probably moved on already from him, Bucky didn’t know what was worse the fact that he didn’t tell her how much he loved her before she left or that he didn’t know if he even did anymore after she did.

~

Y/n was shaking, stark had told her everything, part of her was scared that he left and the part of her was yelling at herself for this dumb idea. Why did she even try to do this? Now he things she left, and doesn’t love him, when by god all she wants to do is hold Bucky and tell him how much she loves him. Natasha was trying to calm y/n down, telling her the situation will get better and they still have a chance to make this right.

The original plan was make Bucky think y/n was off on a mission and for him to come upstairs and find her there with a surprise dinner on the tower roof, but obviously that didn’t work.

Now here y/n and the avengers were trying to fix what happened, Steve was reasonably trying to convince Bucky to go his room and rest and therefore Steve would pull the “im with you till the end of the line, hey how about we go talk about our feelings on the roof“ thing, but Bucky didn’t want to, knowing he’d see y/n stuff in their room and just get upset all over again.

But what Bucky didn't know was that y/n praying she could make this right.

Nat pitched the idea of just going down there and just telling Bucky what happened.

“But that’d ruin what you were working for and your plan?” Wanda tried to explain all the reason why they shouldn’t do that.

Y/n started to think of anyway she could try to get this to work, but all she could think of was the thought that Bucky hates her and never wants to see her again.

“I think at this point I could care less about this damn surprise, all I care about is Bucky right now and holding him, and telling him that I would never ever wanna be with someone other than him, I’d die for him and sacrifice so much for him and he doesn’t even know how much I love him yet, and now I’m never going to be able to tell him that because I fucking messed up the best thing I ever had”.

Y/n didn’t realize how much she went on until she was out of breathe she couldn’t feel her lungs, due to breathing so hard, Wanda and Natasha bother pulled there friend into a hug, for what seemed like ages they stood there in the cold night, the wind blowing through the silence until a voice broke it.

“You love me?” The question came from a voice y/n knew all to well, when she let go of her friends embrace she met eyes with none other than Bucky Barnes himself.

To his right was Steve and tony they somehow got Bucky up to the roof just in time, neither of them expecting to her such a heartfelt speech they were expecting y/n to just run to Bucky arms, and all would be forgiven, but everyone could tell this root was unplanned.

“Buck...I-“ y/n started but let out a deep sigh.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know this would go this way, it was all in a whole plan, I was trying to make it seem like I was not gonna be here for the anniversary and now I ruined it all and I don’t know if you’ll even take me back, because you probably think I’m so stupid to even think this would work out and you probably don’t even wanna be with me-“

Bucky let out a sharp breath as he took y/n’s lips in his and grabbed her waist, while pulling her close, the cold breeze of the New York night was chilling and with a mix of a deep kiss gave y/n a shiver up her spine.

The couple than realized they actually have to let each other go in order to get some more oxygen, Bucky hazed into y/n eyes. The two forgot everyone else was up there watching the scene play out, in that moment it was only them two.

“Doll, I don’t ever wanna be with anyone else but you”

Bucky confessed and took y/n lips in his once more, embracing her.

Their lips cut off as they heard an awkward cough coming from behind Bucky as the source was tony.

“I don’t mean to break this up but,,, you guys aren’t breaking up right? You two are like a thing again?” Tony, and the other avengers up on the rooftop with the couple already knew the answer to that question but they knew they tony only asked that rhetorical question to break the silence, and also maybe to somewhat double check he wasn’t still in deep she about the situation.

“You aren’t off the hook stark” y/n called the avenger out.

“Damn it you two, come on I let you live here for free cut me some slack, you two wouldn’t be a thing if it weren’t for me” tony then turned around with a wave of his hand and left the rooftop, the fellow avengers followed.

All that was left was Bucky and y/n they sat at the edge of avengers tower, looking down at the view of the New York lights and the beautiful city. Embracing one each other in the slightly chilly night Bucky held y/n closely, neither of them ever wanting to let go.

Mutuals I’d die for + taglist: @boohooiamthefool @moonkissedtom @aw-hawkeye @mc-universe @zendayacolemen @zenithzendaya @starksparker @starboyholland @one-curly-spider-boi @likechadwick @xoxojcanne @dej-okay @dtftomholland @screamholland @pietrorunsforme @beautifullydisconnected @fuckyou-imspiderman @the-quackson-claxon @the-quackson-brothers @hollandroos @hollyjollyholland @hollandazing

Ask to be added to my tag list/request something?!

[aenslem]

What do you think about Adam and Lilith?

im kinda not sure why you ask ME what i think about them cause ya know… i already said i don’t ship them  idk if you saw it but anyway I don’t think about them at all lmao but now i have to??/ i guess to answer this huh

i tried to answer to it a few times already and idk how to do it without going into much details or write it so i don’t get 1246 messages of how horrible i am for doing it just because i ship something else??? like, you ok? so here i go writing a lot which has 0 sense and idk you asked you get it

if you followed me since 2018, since i started watching caos, you would know that i don’t like the way adam was introduced in the show. at all. I am fine with adam being there, i have nothing against him and him and lilith together, even though i ship madam spellman, it doesn’t mean i automatically hate other ships and i kinda feel like that’s what everyone thinks while throwing stupid asks in my inbox or just writing about madam spellman shippers in general out there. 

the show itself stated (and i already mentioned it somewhere here) that mary wardwell lives alone, that she is alone, that was right in the first episode. no adam was mentioned before, nothing indicated his existence at all. so yes, when they said there will be mary’s fiance it was like “what? what the fuuuuck?” so this is the main issue i have with adam being there. if they, at least once, slightly, mentioned his existence - i would not throw tantrums about adam :D

and you know what? it took few episodes, a lot of time when you have just 9 episodes in part 2, so i don;’t think writers did not know what to write in part 2 and came up with this idea AFTER part 1, as we know it’s all just s1 and most of it should be written or at least the main ideas of it should be there in the beginning, if it was something small then yes, but it was not small thing, if so, then i think they just don’t know what they do with characters and what to do with them now, and we can get any possible shit in part 3 and 4. i mean, they have to have some kind of an idea of where they go with main characters…

and while yeah, i can excuse this with “this is caos, when they did something right at all???” but i should not, writers should do it so we don’t have such a plotholes. 

and if anyone goes here with: if you don’t enjoy don’t watch i will find you lmao 

i enjoy caos, i hate it but enjoy :’D it’s difficult 

so, to adam and lilith. 

adam himself is… meh :D he could be more, but he was there just to make lilith’s character deeper, he was… a tool. ok, i always write something is “meh” but never explain what does it mean. i mean he is not worth of my attention, he is there but i don’t care, he was not interesting enough for me to like him or hate him, he is just there. i just don’t feel anything towards this character… if he was something in the show without lilith, then maybe i would like him? yeah, he was nice and all, but also was not?? i did not like him kissing mary just because they are in relationship, even if you are in a relationship it doesn’t mean you go and kiss the other person when they clearly don’t want it. on the other hand he really tried to be nice, dinner and all, he at least bought flowers lmao at first i was really like ready to hate him because i will never stop going about it - he never existed before! and appears from nowhere. but somehow he was not that horrible to hate him :’D some scenes were funny, some were just to make it clear what lilith thinks about something like marriage, can’t remember but i guess he said back then that they will not do anything she is not comfortable with - which is like GOOD, you dude grow up, thanks. but i am glad he was not there to have funny scenes only. 

also, yes, lately i am so tired of hetero shit on screen that anything which is hetero is automatically OH FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE - AGAIN??? so i was not expecting anything here, only hate towards it all :D but i guess, since i was like that, that is exactly why i did not hate it. not good enough to love but i was not expecting anything good, so whatever it was - it was not bad. it was funny in some scenes, mostly because michelle gomez has incredible facial expressions and also, you can clearly see - she enjoys playing with another human being. oh poor thing, give michelle people to play with :’D 

as someone who is here because they love michelle and lilith, i look at adam from the side of how he affected lilith. and again, he would not be there at all without lilith, he would be nothing in the show, he would have nothing to do, he was just a tool for another character’s arc. I loved seeing her like that, not entirely, but most of the time, like she was not doing shit for dark lord, was not preparing herself to meet him, she was just drinking tea/coffee, doing school job, sitting peacefully, i loved seeing her smile. not that mischivious one, or that one where you realize, that’s it, that woman’s gonna kill me bye bye :D but that warm smile, let michelle gomez smile more!

let her play female joker

i mean no, not that kind of smile but it’s not a bad idea :’D dc take note

if adam and lilith would become a thing and dark lord would not kill him, i guess i would not care for the ship, i would not be against it, it would be just there. not my type of a ship… like there’s lois lane and clark kent and i don’t give a shit about them, they are there and let them be, they don’t touch me, i don’t touch them lmao but i do realize how much lois means to clark, so yes, i do realize adam means something for lilith, and i don’t erase it because i ship something else, there’s this thing… idk what it’s called, it’s when you ship something and ship another thing also, or just don’t hate it because you ship the first thing. aham, good thing by the way, ya all could use it.

there was this theory here, can’t remember who wrote it tho, that adam never existed at all and it was all dark lord’s plan to see if lilith is still on his side or something or torture her, good one, that would be such a great if it was real in the show, cause that would explain why he never existed before. and it would not erase her growth that we see, that soft (sOFT?) side of her, that domestic mother of demons/queen of hell side which walks on heels in her own house in the middle of the night to drink some water :D. it would be unfair to her, but dark lord already killed adam and made her eat him, so what could be worse?  i really did not want her to suffer that much :( she deserves so much better that what she gets… 

honestly, life is unfair to lilith so much, she was there all the time for dark lord, she did everything for him and he did not even hold his promise, he just gives the throne to someone who doesn’t even want it and clearly doesn’t deserve it, just because you are a daughter of the king doesn’t mean you deserve the throne. lilith really worked for it, she earned it! she deserves the crown and the throne. she was there for lucifer for so long and he just uses her… and once she gets something nice, something good, it’s taken away so brutally! so yeah, if adam never existed and was just dark lord’s manipulation of lilith, then yeah, it’s much worse but again, he already made her eat adam… none of other characters get so much shit in this show. if they make lilith suffer more i swear i will buy ticket and find them all and i will go to them with a chainsaw. 

anyway, i saw people going miles writing how madam spellman shippers are all like: lilith never loved adam for real. like i have not seen those shippers myself but somehow i saw everyone else writing how bad MS shippers are… like yes, we have idiots around, but which ship doesn’t have such an idiots? like dude, why do you even care? ship your ship and be happy lmao same goes for everyone, stop fucking fighting over something that doesn’t even exist. canon or not? why do you care, it’s all fiction in the end. just because your ship is canon doesn’t allow you to tell everyone else to shut up about something that is not. can we all just ship whatever we want and have fun??? like, if you can’t laugh at your own ship - then honey, you have a problem. like, i will be the first one making shitty jokes about madam spellman :’D wait, i already do it.  you can love something without being too serious, it can bring you joy and happiness, but you don’t have to ruin it with all the shit. 

be smart ffs everyone: IGNORE WHAT YOU DON’T LIKE, block it, scroll down, stop spreading hate. 

and ya know, if you say that YOU DON’T WANT TO INSULT SOMEONE/YOU DON’T HATE IT BUUUUUUUUT… and then go miles writing how you hate it and insult someone doesn’t mean that doesn’t count as an insult, just because in the beginning you stated that you don;t want to insult or you don’t hate it. you do! i don’t really remember what it’s called but it has a name…  

anyway

i can’t say she loved him, he was nice to her, he tried to make her happy, but i don’t believe in love which happens so fast, and events were going really fast in those parts. so i think she enjoyed that there’s someone who cares for her finally, and she cared for adam for sure, she liked him, he was someone who finally was good to her, something that did not happen for a loooong time. so yeah, taking it away from her was really unfair and i hate everyone for it.  but loved? not sure. bUT she was totally ready to give it a chance.

also, don’t comment, it was my opinion and i don’t need a conversations about anything here. you asked you get it. don’t throw your opinions here, don’t reblog to add what you think, make your own posts for it. please.  

[spencer-quinn]

Posting for the link. This was 16th Jan ‘17. (Lost a lot of it sorry)

Arthur: Kinda high strung. Made him stick to a really boring schedule and he couldn't have any friends.

Jack: Oh no I don't mean that kind.

Spencer: Jack likes a man that can tell him what to do.

Jack: Not like that though, Spencer.

Spencer: Truth or dare, Josh?

Ray: I said I don't want to speak about dad like this.

Spencer: *He muffles a laugh.*

Arthur: -He leans back into his own space again, pushing Spencer's hand off his leg as subtly as he can in the process.-

Arthur: You don't have to. It's Josh's turn.

Josh: Dare

Ray: Do the macarena

Spencer: *He shoots Arthur a glare, his hand returning as he whispers,* it's not like I'm touching your dick.

Josh: That's embarrassing

Ray: Um...ok. Say the alphabet backward

Josh: *he looks at Arthur awkwardly and then back to ray* I can't

Arthur: Maybe I don't want you to touch me at all, -he whispers back, though he doesn't move his hand again.-

Spencer: The fuck is your problem?

Ray: Um...ok. Im not good at this. I'm sorry.

Arthur: That is a hard one, isn't it? Maybe you could... hm.

Josh: *he starts to do the Macarena but doesn't know it very well*

Spencer: What a cop-out.

Ray: *Ray applauds*

Arthur: Good job!

Josh: Thank you!

Spencer: *He nudges Arthur.* Truth or dare?

Arthur: Truth.

Spencer: What's got you all wound up?

Josh: No what's your favourite memory?

Arthur: I got to pet wolves when I was eight or nine. It was the coolest thing I've ever done.

Jack: *Jack moves away from Arthur and Spencer to go and sit in the windowsill.*

Spencer: That's still your favourite memory, huh?

Arthur: -He nods.-

Ray: Thats so cool!

Arthur: Yeah, it was really fun.

Arthur: Jack, it's your turn.

Spencer: I don't care, *he snaps.*

Jack: Oh, dare.

Spencer: I dare you to kiss Ray.

Josh: I dare you to not drink booze for a week

Arthur: I think you should probably kiss Josh.

Ray: He can kiss my cheek.

Jack: So what's my actual dare?

Arthur: I like Josh's dare best.

Spencer: Your call, sugar.

Jack: *He walks over to Ray, grabs his head and plants a kiss on his cheek.*

Spencer: Squash him like a melon.

Arthur: -He elbows Spencer's side.-

Spencer: Ow.

Ray: *Ray grimaces, but smiles slightly whilst wiping his cheek*

Jack: *He shoots him a wink when he's back sitting down.*

Arthur: Spencer's turn.

Josh: I didn't want him to kiss me anyway. I like when he kisses my friends. It's my favourite.

Spencer: Dare.

Ray: *Ray blushes slightly*

Ray: You should apologise to me.

Spencer: Fuck that off.

Ray: Spoilsport

Josh: I agree with Ray

Arthur: You should kiss everyone in this room.

Ray: Thank you, Josh.

Spencer: *He grits his teeth.* Fuck you.

Arthur: Choose between the two.

Spencer: No.

Arthur: No?

Spencer: No. Give me a truth.

Arthur: Are we allowed to switch?

Spencer: Yes.

Arthur: Does that seem fair to everyone else?

Josh: I suppose if he refuses.

Ray: I guess. Kind of.

Josh: Don't really want to kiss him anyway

Ray: Me either.

Arthur: I think you should tell us about your deal with Josh.

Josh: I don't like that one

Spencer: No, yeah, that's a good one.

Arthur: I take it back.

Spencer: He didn't want me to fuck Jack anymore. He wanted him to himself, so we made a deal. I said I'd stop sleeping with him if Josh did me a few small favours.

Arthur: Have you honored that deal?

Jack: What favours?

Spencer: He was real good about it, kept his side of the deal, got a hold of anything I asked him to, and you know what I did? *He turns to look at Arthur, head cocked slightly in questions.* I fucked him anyway. I mean - he's my main fuck. We fuck... What, daily now? *He looks over his shoulder, towards Jack.* Would you say daily? Every other day, maybe. Or we did before we left. *He looks towards Arthur again.* I'm going to bed.

Josh: *he messes with his sleeves, feeling his face heat up*

Jack: *He looks over to everyone, chewing on his lower lip, unsure of what to say.*

Ray: Uh. We should move on.

Ray: I choose truth.

Spencer: *Spencer stands from the sofa, stepping over Jack's legs to get closer to the door.*

Arthur: Hm. Well, that was a nice relationship while it lasted.

Spencer: I've learned my lesson. *He opens the door to leave, slamming it shut behind him.*

Arthur: Ray, tell us what it would take to make friends with Spencer again.

Ray: For me? I was never friends with him Arthur.

Arthur: Then tell us what it would take to become friend with him.

Ray: We spoke once. He used me and then decided he was better off not knowing me.

Jack: *Jack gets to his feet and looks around at everybody.* Sorry. *He mumbles to nobody in particular and rushes out.*

Josh: *josh nearly stops Jack but is already too embarrassed.*

Ray: I'd like an apology. Or for him to give me my dignity back. That would be nice.

Jack: Spencer *Jack shouts just as the rec room door is shutting to.*

Arthur: Right. Well, ask him nicely and he might be more willing to do that.

Ray: He can't give me my dignity back Arthur.

Ray: *he brings his knees up to his chin and wraps his arms around them*

Arthur: ...Everyone else ready for bed?

Spencer: *He turns, teeth gnawing his lower lip. He folds his arms over his chest.* We should go outside.

Josh: *shakes his head*

Ray: Yeah. *He mumbles but doesn't move*

Jack: I don't know what just happened.

Josh: At least there won't be any arguing now.

Spencer: Nothing, we were playing truth or dare. I got truth, so I told the truth.

Arthur: Right, it'll just be awkward silence instead. I'm sorry, Josh.

Ray: *Ray buries his face in his knees, hiding behind his arms* M-hm.

Arthur: What time is your bedtime, Ray?

Jack: So why did it end up with Arthur being mad?

Josh: I know it was own stupid fault for making that deal.

Arthur: It didn't have to come out like that, though. That was MY fault.

Ray: *Ray hums in reply*

Spencer: *He shrugs.* He likes to tell me I'm perfect but also likes it better when I keep the bad parts from him. Can we go the fuck outside, please?

Josh: I'm still a bit confused

Jack: Okay I'm not gonna say what I think. *He walks alongside Spencer.*

Spencer: No, go for it. What harm's it gonna do now?

Ray: What time is it now?

Arthur: Confused about what? I don't know what time it is.

Ray: Is it before 10pm?

Jack: Like... I dunno... Shouldn't he still think you're perfect even when he knows the bad parts?

Josh: About what just happened

Arthur: I don't think so. The staff would have come around if it was after 10pm.

Ray: Oh ok. I have to go to bed by 10.

Spencer: It's not as if I blame him. I guess I've been waiting for him to figure it out. 'Bout time, really. He lasted a damn long time though, I'll give him that.

Jack: Why are we going outside?

Spencer: Do you have any cigarettes?

Arthur: I was a jerk, then Spencer was a jerk, then I was a jerk again and Spencer left. Jack was probably embarrassed so he left too, and now you guys are sitting here confused and I'm pretty convinced I'm gonna throw up.

Ray: Try and breathe in through your mouth and out through your nose.

Josh: Oh.

Jack: Yeah actually.

Spencer: That's why we're going outside.

Jack: Oh.

Ray: Why do you think Spencer thinks Dad was like...that?

Ray: Do either of you think he was?

Josh: of course not

Arthur: -He tilts his head back against the back of the couch, eyes cast up at the ceiling.- Because it's kind of a creepy situation, Ray. This dude decides he's gonna be your dad and then takes you away from your family and doesn't let you communicate with anyone ever again.

Spencer: Sorry for, uh... You know. The Josh thing. Using you as a bribe.

Ray: Its not like I did any communicating anyway. He was trying to make me better Arthur.

Jack: *He shrugs.* I knew about it and let you fuck me anyway.

Arthur: Was dad number one not good enough?

Ray: He wasn't there. Neither was my mom. Adam was trying to fix their mistakes.

Arthur: What mistakes?

Spencer: You don't belong to him. You had no reason not to.

Ray: They were shit parents. I was a dick before. I was rude and inconsiderate. The me now is much better and its because of him

Jack: Always gonna fuck you, Spence.

Arthur: Right, but the you now also doesn't know how to socialize. That's bad for brain development, apparently. I read that somewhere.

Spencer: Just--. Hurry up a little, yeah? *He pushes open the doors leading to the garden.*

Josh: That explains a lot

Jack: Right, yeah.

Ray: Never knew anyway. Didn't have any friends. At least I know that with Dad if I disappeared somebody would be worried.

Arthur: Sure, yeah. At least you have that.

Ray: Is that supposed to be sarcasm?

Arthur: Nope. That got me in trouble the first time, so no.

Arthur: Y'know, I think it's probably best if all of us went to bed.

Ray: Oh. Ok. Sorry.

Ray: Yeah, probably.

Spencer: *Once they're outside, he crosses his arms over his chest again, his scrubs not doing a heck of a lot to keep him warm.*

Josh: We can still hang out ray. If you want to

Jack: *He gets out a poorly rolled cigarette and a lighter.*

Ray: Yeah...yeah if you want to. I don't want to sleep yet. Feel like I'll have nightmares.

Josh: Okay. We can go somewhere

Ray: Where can we go?

Josh: We can go to my room

Ray: Yeah...ok

Spencer: *Spencer tells Jack he wants to be alone. Jack buggers off.*

Arthur: I'll be here for a while if you guys need me. Have fun.

Ray: Sorry if I ruined stuff Arthur.

Arthur: Nope, that was all me Ray. Not your fault.

Ray: If it changes anything, I don't think you did anything wrong.

Josh: He doesn't deserve you anyway.

Arthur: Thanks, but if you don't leave, you're going to have to watch me puke.

Ray: I can get you more water if you want?

Arthur: Just go. Please.

Ray: Um...Ok. Night Arthur.

Josh: *josh grabs rays hand and pulls him out of the room*

Spencer: *He sits on a bench against the wall, rolling his thumb over the lighter in an attempt to light it.*

[bastardnev]

Steal Your Heart Ch. 1

so for whatever reason when i shared the first chapter it didn’t show up in nev’s tag, so im gonna repost it because i can (i’ll be putting chapter two in another post bc if i put them together then this post would be Too Long)

also i am SO sorry to anyone on mobile lmao

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: World Wrestling Entertainment, Professional Wrestling Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Wade Barrett/Pac | Adrian Neville, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added Characters: Wade Barrett, Pac | Adrian Neville, Other Character Tags to Be Added Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Alternate Universe - Thieves Summary: Random happenings in the lives of Wade, a detective, and Neville, a thief who took a liking to him and decided to tag along with him during his investigations.

Ch. 1: Buddies

Why could Wade never be assigned to a simple case?

Even though he had been busting his ass for years, Wade's rank as a detective was still fairly low. Maneuvering has way through Manhattan to get to the office was no easy feat due to the traffic and groups of pedestrians everywhere he turned, and it was a miracle that he even showed up on time some days. His efforts were constantly being overlooked by his boss, however, who was far too preoccupied with the higher ranked sleuths to pay attention to him. Wade was forced to watch his superiors be assigned the easier cases, the boss claiming that they'd been working 'far too hard' lately and 'deserved' something less complicated. The cases that they should have been given were handed over to Wade and everyone else who wasn't 'deserving' of a break, lack of qualifications be damned.

This time, a man had been murdered in his room at a fairly prestigious hotel in Miami. At first glance, it looked like the suspect was easy to pinpoint -- an ex-business partner was apparently staying in a room on the same floor. There were rumors that he had been jealous of the victim's success, going on record saying that he felt like he should have gotten that big promotion, but no one ever thought he would resort to murder. He was 'too nice of a guy' for something like that. Wade, however, wasn't buying such a cheap and overused excuse, and he was ready to bring the suspect into custody and call it a day.

There was more to this case, though, as Wade soon learned once he further looked over the file. Everything was far more complicated than it really needed to be. In addition to the rumors of the suspect's jealousy, there was also some speculation that a few members of the hotel staff were in on the killing. The victim had died due to poison, and it appeared likely that one of the workers had slipped something into his food once he ordered room service. Despite all of that, there was still no concrete evidence, and Wade was required to find irrefutable proof that they were involved.

To do so, he needed to go undercover, which he hadn't had to do in quite some time. Wade reserved a room on the floor directly below where the murder had taken place, pretending to be a delivery person who was staying in town for the next few days. It wasn't the best occupation that he could have chosen, but it was better than nothing. Better than being a murderer, that's for damn sure. Wade thought to himself.

The first day on the job was relatively uneventful. Wade's flight had been delayed due to poor weather conditions and he didn't arrive to the hotel until late in the day. All that he had been able to do was scribble down a few points in his notebook, outlining what he would do on the second day of the investigation. As of that moment, Wade was planning on keeping an eye on anyone involved in delivering room service. If he chose to believe the rumors that a staff member was involved in the poisoning, then the most appropriate choice of action would be to order food and learn just who he was possibly up against.

It was while he was plotting that Wade remembered that he hadn't eaten anything since he had gotten off the plane. It was too late at night for him to be getting room service, so he settled on a snack from a vending machine down the hall. He kept telling himself that he needed to start packing extra, more healthier snacks in his suitcase so that he wouldn't have to rely on junk food all the time, but in the end he couldn't be bothered. Besides, he loved Doritos too much to give them up.

The vending machine was in a small room that served as a sitting area of sorts. Wade remembered passing by it on his way to his room and spotting a few couches around a coffee table. He had made a note to himself to spend some time there once his work the next day was done, compiling whatever new information he had gathered. Hopefully no one would be there and he would be able to work without fear of getting caught.

When he arrived at the machine, Wade inserted the money and punched in the number for his chips, crossing his arms as he waited for it to fall down. Once it did, he crouched to get it, pausing when he saw the slot. How the hell was he supposed to get it open? He couldn’t push it in like he usually could.

“Who the hell designed this?” He wondered aloud, sighing frustratedly. The genius who built this damn thing should be fired. He was going to find away to get this bag even if it killed him. Trying a few more times to push the slot in, he gave it a light smack. “Fuck you.”

And someone laughed.

Wade jumped, hitting his head against the machine in a somewhat embarrassing fashion. This just caused the person to laugh again. Once he had composed himself, Wade stood up, turning to face whoever had been watching him. He found a man not too much younger than him sitting on one of the couches, covering his grin with his hand. Wade could see that there was a DS sitting in his lap.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, but that was really funny,” the man said, giggling. “The machine tricked me up when I first got here, too.”

All Wade could do was stare at him for a moment. Aside from being embarrassed as hell at the fact that someone had witnessed the whole scene, he was also confused. How had he not noticed that someone was sitting there watching the whole time? “Yeah, it’s… it’s a pain,” he responded, averting his gaze and looking back towards the machine. “Stupid.”

“Here.” The man put the DS down on the couch and stood up. “I’ll get it for you. Watch and learn.” Wade watched as he crouched in front of the slot and pushed it down from the top, pulling out the chips and handing them over with a smile. “See? Easy!”

“You had to pull it down?” Wade’s eyes narrowed.

“Yeah! A bunch of machines are like that nowadays.”

“Who decided that?”

“Someone who’s clearly lost in life.” The man made his way back over to the couch, plopping down and putting his feet up on the coffee table. He crossed his arms behind his head and asked, "So, what's your name? I'm Neville."

"Neville?" Wade repeated. If he was being honest, it was a bit of a dorky name, but Wade kept that thought to himself. Now wasn't the time to be rude. "I'm Wade."

"What brings someone like you 'round these parts, Wade? You on vacation or something?"

"Uh, not exactly," Wade replied. Whatever he did, he absolutely could not give Neville any hints about his real profession. "I'm a delivery person."

"You're a delivery person? Seriously?" Neville looked confused. He appeared to eye Wade up for a moment, his eyebrows quirking up briefly. "That's... interesting."

"Yep. I've got some, uh, packages and things to deliver in this area. I'll be staying here for a little while."

"How much do you have to do if you gotta stay in a hotel for a few days? Seems like a lot."

"Yeah, well... It's part of the job. I don't get a say in it." Wade shrugged. Now that he'd said it out loud, the whole 'delivery person' thing was the worst lie he’d ever come up with, and that was saying something since Wade had had his fair share of bad lies in the past. Neville didn’t even look like he bought it. His eyes were slits and he was pouting, deep in thought. Wade could almost see the gears turning in his head.

Then Neville snorted, a smile returning to his face. "Sounds wild. I'm a professional thief."

"Oh, that's nice--" Wade stopped mid-sentence, his eyes widening. "Hold on, you're a what?"

Neville shrugged as if it weren’t a big deal. “I’m a thief. I steal shit. Oh, son of a…” He was looking down at the red light on his DS. He switched the system off. “I need to charge this damn thing.”

Neville had already moved on to the next subject, but Wade still couldn’t believe what he had just been told. This man who he’d met only a few minutes ago just admitted to being a thief as if it were nothing, like it was a regular 9 to 5 job. How was Wade supposed to react to that? Seeing as he technically worked with the police, should he bring this guy in? Or should he let him go? Neville might not even be worth the force’s time.

“What’s with the look?” Neville asked when Wade hadn’t said anything for a little while. “You’re making a weird face at me.”

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” Wade assured. “You… are a very interesting person, you know that?”

"I do know that, actually." Neville grinned cheekily. "And I'm also a pretty honest person. I don't feel the need to lie about my profession like you do."

Wade froze up, and he swallowed. How did Neville know that he'd been lying?! He knew that his excuse was lacking, but he didn't expect to actually be called out on it. "W-What makes you say that I'm lying, huh?"

"Because you are." Neville had begun to fiddle with the DS stylus, casually slipping it in and out of its slot. "I can tell."

"How?"

"Your badge is sticking out of your pocket. It has been the whole time."

"Are you serious?" Wade looked down. Sure enough, Neville was telling the truth -- his badge had been on display the entire time they were talking. Wade stuffed it back in, nervously shoving his hands in his pockets. "I, uh... Listen, you didn't see that."

"But I did!" Neville looked a little cocky.

"Neville, I'm being serious. You cannot tell anyone about who I really am, do you understand me?"

"Wade, don't worry. If there's anything that I'm good at, it's keeping things secret," he said. "How the hell do you think I've been living here for as long as I have?"

"Wait, you live here?" Wade cocked his head to the side. "How long have you been here?"

Neville thought his answer over, looking up towards the ceiling before looking back to Wade and saying, "About a month or so."

"How have you gone this long without being noticed? Does the staff really pay that little attention?"

"You would not believe the amount of unfilled rooms in this place. I just hole up in them and come out at night when no one's around. The patrons all think that I'm a really accomplished businessman since I always tell them that I'm here for a conference. They buy it every time."

"What about when someone reserves a room? What do you do then?"

"Then I move on to the next one. It's not that complicated." Neville stood up. "So, now that I've told you all about what I do, do you think you can fill me in about what your job really is? Pleeease?" He clasped his hands together, wearing puppy dog eyes. "If you have a badge, then it must be super interesting!"

"I really shouldn't..." Wade sighed, tapping his foot. Telling Neville the truth would defeat the whole purpose of going undercover. It was true that Neville had told him some pretty incriminating things about himself -- he admitted to a detective that he was a thief! Someone who was that brutally honest couldn't possibly have any malicious intent, could he? Besides, those eyes... Wade was weak for that sort of thing.

"Come on! At least tell me a little bit?"

"Well, if it's only a little..." Wade took a deep breath. "Okay, so you know that murder that took place here not too long ago? The one on the floor above us?"

"I know of it, yes. People were freaking out about it."

"I was sent here to investigate it, but I had to go undercover. The suspect is still staying here, and I need to gather information on him and a few other people who might be involved. There, are you happy now? I told you everything you need to know."

Neville pursed his lips, closing his eyes and crossing his arms as he processed what he'd just been told. "So you need to get some dirt on people, huh? Who else besides the suspect?"

"Some hotel staff members."

"Ooh, scandalous!" Neville rubbed his hands together, suddenly looking excited. "Lemme see the case file! I wanna know some names."

"I can't show you that," Wade said firmly. "That's confidential information."

"How do you expect me to help you if you won't even let me see the file?"

"You-- When did I say I wanted your help?" Wade's mouth fell open. "I never said anything like that!"

"Wade, I'm serious about helping you. This is a pretty big case. I've been staying here for awhile now and know the schedules of pretty much all the employees. If you need a second set of eyes to keep an eye on a suspicious staff member, then I'm your guy. So, what do you say? Are we buddies?"

"I'm not sure if 'buddies' is the right word to describe it..." Wade had to admit that Neville was onto something. There was no way that he would be able to keep an eye on so many people on his own. Even having just on extra person to help him would make things easier. Then again, could he really trust a thief? This definitely wouldn't look very good...

...Then again, his boss never gave a shit about anything that he did, so what would it matter?

"Fine..." Wade finally gave in, gesturing for Neville to follow him out into the hall. "Come to my room. You can read the file in there."

"Yes!" Neville pumped his fist into the air, hurrying after Wade. "Believe me, you won't regret this!"

"I'm sure I won't." Wade knew he would.

A day had passed since Wade and Neville were first introduced. Wade was seated at the writing desk in his room, his prior plans to work in the seating area thwarted by a family of five who insisted on hanging out there at that ungodly hour. It's too damn late for these little kids to be running around... Doesn't anyone have a bedtime anymore?

Wade tapped his pen against the page, propping his head up with his left hand. The second day of investigation bore a little more fruit than the first one, though Wade still didn't have any substantial leads to go on. After ordering room service for breakfast and dinner, all that he had learned was that the hotel had really good buffalo wings. Those things should be illegal... But I can't charge someone with murder for food.

He hadn't heard from Neville since last night. If he really only came out when it was dark, then that must mean that he spent the whole day lazing about in his room doing nothing. Why was Wade so worried about giving him the case info if he didn't seem to care too much...

Wade suddenly looked like he'd made a breakthrough, and he hurriedly wrote something down, smiling. He then crossed it out a few seconds later, frustratedly tossing down his pen. Those little kids aren't undercover spies, Wade. Get over the seating room thing and focus.

A knock on the door snapped Wade out of his thought, and he slammed the notebook shut. It wouldn't look very good if a staff member showed up and saw him speculating about their involvement in a crime. Then again, what would any employee want with him this late at night? He didn't order anything.

Then Wade remembered that there was only one person who would want to speak with him at that time. This should be interesting.

Wade stood up from his chair and went to unbolt the door. Sure enough, Neville was waiting for him on the other side, leaning up against the door frame with one hand and the other one on his hip. "Howdy," Neville greeted him with a wink.

"Alright, kid, what'd you find?" Wade stepped out of the way and allowed him to enter, shutting and re-locking the door. "Assuming that you actually found something and aren't just here to screw with me."

"I found out some top secret info." Neville leaned in close to whisper in his ear. "You ready? I learned... that this hotel..."

"Yes?"

"...has really good quesadillas." Neville pulled away with a cheeky grin.

"Are you kidding me?" Wade rolled his eyes, bumping Neville with his shoulder as he walked back over to the desk and sat down. "You're not taking this seriously at all."

"Oh calm down, would you? It's only a little joke to lighten the mood."

"Look, if you don't have anything relevant to add, then please leave." Wade came across a little harsher than he intended to. Neville didn't really mean any harm... Still, this was important. Now wasn't the time to be screwing around.

Neville sighed, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out some printed documents. "Okaaay..." He said, sauntering to the desk and showing the papers to Wade. "If you don't want me here, then I guess I'll have to leave and bring these with me."

Wade read over the contents of the papers. They were a series of emails, each one of them containing instructions.

Instructions about the murder.

"Holy shit--" Wade reached for the papers, but Neville pulled them away.

"You don't seem to want me here, so I'll just be taking these with me. Haaah..." Neville let out a dramatic sigh and slowly walked towards the door. "Maybe I'll catch up with you later."

"Hold on, kid!" Wade stood up again, grabbing his shoulder. "Where did you find those?"

"A thief never reveals his secrets." Neville winked at him from over his shoulder, but the look on Wade's face forced him to continue. "I, um, snuck behind the front desk when no one was around and printed these out."

"It was... that easy?"

"Mmhmm! You need to stop overthinking things. Sometimes the solution is right in front of you! Just like how I am right now." Neville patted Wade's arm. "But, y'know, you don't seem to want me here so... I'll be taking this back to my room with me."

"Nev, please. Stick around. I need that info."

"'Nev'?" Neville repeated, a smirk spreading across his face. "Is that gonna be my new nickname?"

"I guess." Wade shrugged. He didn't even mean to call him that -- it just slipped out.

"So am I like your little sidekick now? Are we... buddies?"

Wade took in a deep breath. He didn't really have much of a say in the matter, did he? He slowly let the breath out through his nose before responding, "We're... buddies."

"Hell yeah!" Neville grinned broadly and plopped down on Wade's bed, lying on his stomach and saying, "I think this is the start of a beautiful relationship."

"It's certainly the start of something, alright..." How does Wade keep getting himself into these situations?

[stellar-stag]

Wow it’s been a while since I did a personal update here huh

I’ve honestly transitioned a lot of my venting/personal stuff to twitter

(I promise I havent abandoned you for my furry friends)

(I kinda have)

(I totally have)

(sorry)

But I feel like the last couple months have been a whirlwind for me, so I may as well keep y’all in the loop. I’m gonna sort these by topic.

First off, I had some issues with my romantic feelings. There’s a guy, a very very good friend, who is just fantastic in so many ways. Friendly and kind and supportive, progressive and enthusiastic, and shares so many of my interests. Seems natural that I would fall for him, right?

Well I did, and it resulted in a lot of emotional duress.

He has a girlfriend, and I knew this going in, but I didn’t fight my attachment. In the process of admitting my feelings to him and working through everything, I learned a lot about myself and got some practice in controlling my emotional state and how I react to things. But I also relied on him as an emotional crutch and used him for validation, especially during some particularly low emotional points, which is unfair to him. It is only because he is immensely understanding that we remain close friends, and this could have easily resulted in disaster.

But through this process I have grown, and identified a new issue blocking me from being of completely sound mind: Low self-esteem and reliance on others for validation. During my more anxious periods, I would slip into joking self-deprecation, and somewhere along the way it stopped being so joking. But surely, now that I’m taking meds for anxiety it would stop, right? Well, no. Turns out, even if I stopped consciously having thoughts of “Wow, I’m so bad at this”, I didn’t automatically gain appreciation or acceptance of myself. This manifests in a particularly dangerous manner when guys who are attractive are nice to me. 

I end up conflating kindness with romantic intent, and decide that obviously, if someone doesn’t have romantic interest in me, I must be irreparably flawed in some way. This is bullshit, and I consciously understand that, but my subconscious doesn’t play by the rules. So I end up in a self-loathing spiral that only manifests in periods of intense romantic desire, and a month later I’m exhausted, bruised, and have run the risk of alienating those around me who care about me.

So how to fix it? I suppose I’ll need to work on drawing validation from within, so that rejection feels less of a condemnation of my character and everything I am. It won’t be simple, to be sure, but understanding the issue is the key to overcoming it. 

Here’s hoping.

Secondly: I started working out! As of today, March 24th, I have been to the gym 12 times this month (half the days, holy shit) and thats because I, last week, decided to go from 3 workouts a week to 5, solely because I wanted to. If you told me a year ago that I would, of sound mind and body and my own volition, wake up every weekday at 5:45am to go workout for an hour, and enjoy the experience, I would have called you a liar. 

But I am, and I do. I think it’s benefitting my mental health and self confidence, and I’m thankful that I’m in a place where its even an option. This is only possible due to a coalition of so many factors: A free gym in my office and a natural predilection to waking up early to remove barriers, I started taking Vyvanse in January to aid in my attention issues (not sure if I have ADD/ADHD or what, but it’s helping me remained focused in all aspects of my life and for that I am grateful). And, of course, two people who aided in the impetus for beginning and making it a habit: My dad, for giving me crippling self-worth issues my entire life and then visiting in February and criticizing my health and weight (because I was sweating after walking up a hill, which more and more I realize is not actually an indicator of my exertion! I am just a person who sweats easily, and its more a function of temperature and endocrine system than anything else) and giving me the sheer spite to begin working out, and the guy I was crushing on (who is intensely into working out, and I wanted to impress him. Yeah, I was hella thirsty. Sue me). 

Regardless of the reasoning, I found that (once I cut cardio because seriously, fuck cardio), I enjoy working out in the mornings. It’s calming to wake up by exertion and then cool down slowly at my desk before other people even wake up. It’s given rise to a ritual of sorts where I get to my desk, deal with my emails, make breakfast and tea, all before anyone shows up, so that I can really hit the ground running. And more than that, I don’t have a goal in mind. I’m doing this because I know it’s good for me and I want to be healthy, and I enjoy the exertion and following “good” tiredness. If I was trying to lose weight or trim  fat, or stuck only to cardio, I would have given up by now. But its a habit, and I love it, and I’m sleeping better, eating better, and feeling better.

Again, this is only possible because of an alignment of several factors, but I’m thankful for it, and I’m glad I got out of the mindset that “workouts must suck but people do them because they wanna lose weight”. You don’t gotta do anything you don’t want to do, and I wish I had realized that sooner. Im feeling way better about my body, even, because despite the fact that I haven’t lost weight or gotten trimmer from working out, I know I’m eating (pretty) well and working out, and that my body does everything I need it to. I can take pride in the callouses on my hands and the soreness of my body, because they’re proof of dedication, exertion, and effort, and those are way better things to feel good about than shape and size, anyways. If people think I’m unhealthy because I have fat, they can suck it.

Thirdly, I’ve begun looking for a condo to buy! Housing in the bay area is STUPID EXPENSIVE (and yes everyone knows this, and I know this, but it bears repeating). But I can put a down payment on a one bedroom in a good location, and I’m prequalified for a loan, and I just need to keep waiting and pouncing on leads. I think I’ll be happier living by myself with a kitchen to myself, and still going out to social events to prevent becoming a hermit. Plus, with this setup I can maybe bring dudes back and not have to show them the pigsty that is our living room or the shoebox that is my bedroom. I was terrified at the start of this process, but my mom and the realtor have been awesome about taking this step by step and ensuring nothing is confusing or surprising, which is sweet.

Fourthly, possibly because I’ve been taking Vyvanse but also possibly because I’ve finally begun understanding what the hell I’ve been doing, I’ve really hit my groove at work. The project I’m working on is complex but interesting, challenging but well understood, and I don’t feel alone but still get to feel a sense of ownership. It’s not the most fulfilling thing ever (I don’t know that working on payments platforms for a corporation ever will be) but I enjoy work, I don’t loathe going to work, and despite the fact that I was sick as a dog all this week, I came in everyday (after working out) to work full productive days, and I was happy at the end of each of them, more or less. Its not perfect but its head and shoulders above what most people get from their jobs, and I’m immensely fortunate to be in this position.

Fifthly, this is more a continuation of already known things, but I’m making cool friends in the furry fandom. I’ve made good friends, some who I hope I will keep as friends for the rest of my life, and I’ve already made plans to go to Reno in June and Disneyworld in November to hang out and have fun with them. As nerve wracking as being an adult is sometimes, the freedom is something I wouldn’t trade for anything. 

Sixthly, I’ve been taking a creative writing workshop in SF! It finished last weekend and I’m happy to not need to commute each week anymore, but I learned a lot about reading like a writer and choices you can make as a writer to achieve desired effects. The workshop focuses on narrators and how who is telling the story tells it, and the model they use for exercises is SO HELPFUL. We would read an excerpt of something, discuss how the narrator/choices/tense/mood all work together, and then we would write something in a similar format about whatever we wanted. Lemme tell yall, that is so much more helpful to me as a student than just prompts. Having a guide to format is like drawing from references, its helpful and and great for learning and gives you the tools to make your own things later on. I highly recommend it, and I can’t wait to get back to my book. 

Got a lot of art to make first, though. I’ve definitely improved a lot in artistic skill and confidence, and I’m loving finding niche styles that I like and mimicking them. The stained glass pic I posted yesterday is proof of that, I feel. Its drawn from Mucha and various real life stained glass windows and a bit from Kingdom Hearts, but I took these and the tools at my disposal and wove it into something that feels complete. I figured out how to apply a cloudy “glass” texture, glows, stabilization, symmetry tools, pattern design, and more all through the process, and I know theres so much room to iterate and grow, in shading and coloring and proportion. But even knowing I have room to grow, I’m proud of what I put out and I put a lot of my heart into that piece (yes, its a birthday gift for workout boy. Shut up). I think I’m going to accept commissions for pictures in this style, even. It’s great fun.

So yeah, the last couple of months have been intense. I’ve had ups and downs, but I’ve learned and grown a lot, and I think I’m in a really good place in my life right now, and I hope that every one of you achieves a similar level of peace.