#if a characters got mari in their name im fucked immediately i think

[colourful-void]

New thread, made it to the guest house!

if this boys a servantttt how come he's got the little wing symbol.... suspicious......

also i'd kill and die for maria

[jakowskis]

Day 2 - Who’s your favorite Torchwood member? (And if it’s not one of them, who’s your favorite character?) Why are they your favorite? Do you have any secondary favorites (maybe a one-off or minor character that really stuck with you)?

owen, infinitely. i could write essays on why i love owen - hell, i have written essays. and at this point, you know when a character means so much to you there’s not even words for it anymore, they’re just kind of a fundamental part of you? Yeah. but nonetheless, i guess to majorly sum it up, he’s just one of the most utterly broken and fascinating characters i’ve ever had the pleasure of coming across. there's just a visceral sadness and anger to him that immediately reeled me in and i don’t think i’ll ever get over it, like he actually haunts me. and he made his way into my top 3 characters of all time in just a few months, which is pretty damn impressive. something just kinda clicked there. (and i highlight how fucked up he is, but then he's also complex enough that he's got a silly/dorky side too, which im super endeared by as well. i love his complexity. perf character for me, hes got like 30 things going on and im intrigued and compelled by all of them. i love him endlessly.)

also, okay, i’ve observed my favorite characters tend to unintentionally fit certain criteria, like when i look back at all my favs i can sort them into three categories. namely, it's 1) characters that make me lose my mind bc theyre so interesting (and/or endearing), 2) characters i relate to, and 3) characters i’d smash. fhdjkf. i tend to visualize it as a venn diagram, and most characters sit in one or two of the circles - owen is, i believe, the absolute only fav i’ve ever had who’s firmly in the middle. which probably has something to do with why he’s top 3. dhfdsjk

as for secondary favs… well, i absolutely adore the rest of the team, especially ianto and the girls (including suzie!!!!!!!! my girl suzie). i’m not sure why, gwen’s become a particular favorite. she gives me like cuteness aggression HFKSDF i wanna squish her (lovingly). she’s so fucked up n interesting, but also a lil gremlin to me. i love her playful side she’s such a love.

one-off characters… actually, quite a few have stood out to me and made an emotional impact. torchwood has had some wonderfully talented guest actors who really managed to get me attached to their characters, despite having so little screentime. carys, eugene, and beth all come to mind. i think about beth a lot. and maggie, ohhhh maggie. ill talk about aditd a bit tomorrow, ff.

also the episodes with mothers, oh g-d. eugene’s mom, and jonah’s, and jasmine’s. all really heart-wrenching, and damn good actresses. i always get emotional with plotlines about parents + their kids, fff. parental pain + fear just hits diff idk. i used to watch a ton of criminal minds and that was about the only place my empathy jumped out fhsdkfjd.

i also love the various romantic interests - john, diane, mary, lisa, mark (cough), katie, tommy. rhys!! i love you rhys. torchwood is such a character-focused fixation for me like g-d i just adore every character sm. so many good ones. AND HOW COULD I FORGET MY FAV GUY OF ALL - ANDY!!!!!!!! ily pc andy <3 <3 <3

[theproblemcallednight]

sending you akutagawa and/or bram for character ask game

hii soda!!!

k imma do both cuz im bored :D

ok it got rlly long so it’s under the cut:

akutagawa:

first impressions- tbh i thought he was a weird ass bitch who needed cough drops bc his lil villain cough was making no one but the butterflies scared. like his ability was rlly cool but i didn’t really get him at first. also his name took me ages to pronounce 😭😭

impression now- genuinely one of my fav characters!!! he’s such a guy y’know. a goofy little guy. but i do rlly like his backstory and how he persevered and fought through ever and still was a morally bad person. like i luv seeing characters i adore suffer to hell and back and then finally find some sort of broken peace with themselves. aku allowing himself to value his own wants and needs after fighting atsushi and seeing him grow as a character is just perfect. 10/10 i luv him my blorbo forever <3

favourite moment- anything in wan tbh. i know i just went on a heartfelt rant abt aku but. wan aku is the true star let’s be honest. i mean look at him. just stare into those soulless eyes.

idea for a story- uhhhhh i not very creative gimme a sec… i think him finding himself with a pet would be cool. yknow like he gets attached to some stray cat and then ends up taking it in. and i feel like it would force himself to see that he can be a good person and there is beauty in life. the cat may or may not resemble a certain someone

unpopular opinion- ummm idk rlly? i guess i hc him somewhere or the aro/ace spectrum but i dunno if that’s an u popular opinion

favorite relationship- right so obvi sskk bc i am unoriginal and one with the masses. but. i luv it when chuuya and aku have like a father son relationship. or even when gin and him get to just hang out and chill. i just luv the idea of aku constantly chasing dazais approval and chuuya being like “bitch i fucking raised you the mf left after a year”

fav headcannon- hmmmm prob the hc tha he can’t cook? like he can’t boil water even. i just find it funny that it’s like the one thingy dazai passed down to him. father son duo that can blow up your kitchen in five seconds.

bram:

first impressions- i was so exited when i saw the name bram stoker omg. i haven’t actually read dracula but i’ve heard enough to abt it that ik brams ability would be sick. and god i thought it was so cool. and also the fact that bram was just a shish kebab was sending me and i immediately loved him

impression now- still absolutely in live with him and his character. he’s just like the biggest mood in all of bsd. and his and aya’s relationship is so freaking cute i luv them sm

favourite moment- either when he says he’ll be aya’s knight at the end, or when aya’s like bram what do we do about the apocalypse he’s like “sleep in a hole for a couple centuries.” i would love to sleep in a hole for 200 years every time i had a problem. it would be great.

idea for a story- i think it would be rlly interesting if it was a college and no abilities au and him and mary shelly and adam were besties. like it would be great. they would be the besties fr

unpopular opinion- uh i dunno… i kind of think that he shouldn’t have gotten his body back? at least not when he did? like don’t get me wrong he slayed and saved aya and stuff. but i feel like tbh ere was so much to use with his shish kebab state. i don’t know i think it was underutilized

favourite relationship- oh def bramcraft or lovestoker or whatever it’s called now. bram and lovecraft are ancient yuri and i will die on that hill. they can be eldritch monsters together. and be ancient together. that being said i like kunikifa and bram more platonically. like they become friends through joint custody of aya. and it’s one big happy family

favourite headcannon- oh i don’t know where i saw this but i luv the idea of him using like a cane or mobility aids. for balance probably, but i think it would be so cool for bram to have a cane. he’d look badass with it. best part is he can bonk ppl with it :D

well that got long. but it was rlly fun!!! ty for the ask soda!!!

[highnoonyone]

i dont use tumblr like i used to but since i know you're lurking:

i wonder why you'd be paranoid after ditching your two "best friends". just to, what, isolate yourself with your partner? and no, i'm not going to namedrop you, but i hope you live with this guilt for the rest of your life. you're not welcome with us anymore, or any of our friends. i hope you look at all of the art you commissioned from me and feel immeasurable guilt. no goodbye, no reasoning. you just left.

i still cannot believe you said "my partner is more important than my friendship with you" to our faces when we asked for a little bit of time spent together, and that you wouldnt play our favorite games with us but you suddenly would with them. and it sucks, because they're a really nice person, but you're just a piece of shit. i hope they find someone better.

im never going to get over the fact you talked shit behind my back while we were dating. and then telling people that you wanted to date one of my alters immediately after she woke up from dormancy. and that you'd try to get your relationship with her back, even though she told you to your face, she didn't want to date.

and you know what. it was really fucking shitty of you to excuse your stupid online selfship friend to listing k//lling st//lking as a media they were into after my boyfriend and i TOLD YOU it was an unsafe media for GAY MEN and we didn't feel comfortable with you interacting with them. because, what? you're too fucking attracted to an average joe drawing on the internet? fuck off

it was so fucking weird how you didn't give a shit about anything that we had to say about us being affected by something as gay men. it felt awful, especially as your "best friends". but your partner cared. another reason why they dont and never will deserve to be with someone as awful as you! :D

on top of that, not only do you selfship with characters that are heavily MLM coded, YOU FUCKING IDENTIFIED WITH ONE OF THEIR TWIN SISTERS WHILE SELFSHIPPING WITH THEM. crazy! also, it's not biphobia to call you out for selfshipping with them. are you fucking stupid. that dumb anon you got was in NO WAY being biphobic. who gives a fuck if they weren't written for representation, you're going to look at a MAN WHO IS CHRONICALLY OBSESSED WITH ANOTHER MALE AND THINK "hm. i should write a mary sue oc that has the same condition as him because clearly he likes women!". ok.

btw saying a colorist character looks gender just because she has red hair is fucking disgusting and im really ashamed and disappointed in you for looking at this whitewashed character and thinking "mm. nothing wrong here!". i wouldnt be surprised if you added her to your sources list in less than a week! not to fucking mention that you have a crush on a WHITEWASHED CHARACTER based off of a yoruba deity whos NAME ISNT EVEN SPELLED RIGHT. so much for you and your partner telling us that you'd "completely drop genshin if the arch0n was white". what happened to that? fwiw, i wouldnt also be surprised if you randomly dropped my boyfriend and i so you can go be fucking racist in your own hellhole just like his ex did.

did i mention that all of n//tlans characters are whitewashed?

did i also mention that you introjected my ex's source after we told you he acted ab//sive towards us and after we told you we cannot interact with any introjects of him. or did i just imagine it. because im pretty sure that happened! im pretty sure i had to sit you down and tell you we couldnt be friends with or be near him!

anyways. if you read this far congrats i guess. i'm never going to be satisfied with the amount of shit i have to write and put down because i'll always have more to say. to anyone else who's reading this: thanks for listening to my vent! i'm honestly heartbroken that i put so much effort into multiple years of a friendship just for them to ditch me the day before my birthday. dont be as stupid as i was! :)))

[hello-imasalesman]

Better late than never! Forgot to post these earlier. Chapter 4 notes behind the cut, in chronological order:

-““I won’t be a crone at thirty,” she says, though sounds thoroughly unconvinced as soon as such a large, decrepit number leaves her sixteen year old mouth.” = self dunk. the years start coming and they don’t stop coming

-derby has surprise passed Pinky off numerous times and most of the time bif is just surprised pikachu face that Derby’s voluntold him what to do.

-I love Gord so much. gord is literally defcon five trying to get out of this fucking room before pinky eats his ass alive. I think only Bif and Derby can really withstand her tantrums

-“Does this random ass jock even know who Derby, Derby Harrington, does he even KNOW who DERBY HARRINGTON IS!” Bif baby girl the only person who cares about Derby is like, you. And the preps. And maybe a few others. You are so obtuse YOU ARE SO IN LOVE AHHH

-I LOVE Kirby and I also love the fact that he has the weirdest fucking voicelines. The feet shit is canon. Or maybe one of the rumors that gets passed around by the non-clique kids. Either way. poor Trent :’)

- bif “huh, none of these straight romance stories appeal to me. is it because I’m not a girl? That’s it :)” taylor-tremblay

-piiiiinnnkkkkkky

-PIIIIIIIIINNNNNKKKKKKKYYYY

-it was really important to me that Pinky doesn’t get fridged in any way for this, because she’s very much set up for it and it’s the easy way out. Her and Bif share a lot of camaraderie dealing with Derby; they’re friends, not enemies. And even separate from Derby, I think Bif’s also a boy she feels safe around (namely, because he’s very, very gay, not that he realizes it yet) and Pinky is a girl which he doesn’t have to pretend to be straight around because she’s “derby’s girl”, and that dynamic is kind of rare at Bullworth, really.

-bully is hilarious bc every dog always wants to jump your ass, which has translated into me immediately honing in on dogs and curb stomping them, lest he comes over to bite my ankle and make me go hunt someone kissable down to refill the health meter. When people who dont play bully watch you just run up to a dog who just looks like he has the zoomies and plant your foot straight into its head you definitely get some looks

-so lets start my most indulgent scene ever with a mean girls reference.

-aquaberry smells like holister/ Abercrombie but specifically the way it smelt when you were 13 roaming the mall unsupervised and feral and yearning.

-random but a thing that is weirdly dear to me about bully is that EVERY character has a name. mr Carmichael is the aquaberry store associate. There are no unnamed mooks. they dont make em like that anymore…. golden age of free roam third person rpgs…. :’)

-*head in hands* they’re so in love and they’re so fucking stupid

-this line makes me want to cry. the intimacy of it. every morning starts w him.

-So. The nanny line. It’s canon, but I hesitated counting this line to mean anything other than the joke it was intended to be back in 07, when a few years earlier Mary Kay Letournou got married and South Park had a kindergartener date their female teacher. there was a weird cultural period in the 00s i distinctly remember where real life instances of male children being prayed on by female caretakers was in the forefront and openly? ridiculed? when it’s not a joke. (And it goes hand in hand w the misogyny of the 00s, the thrashing gasps of gender roles pushing back w mocking of ‘metrosexuals’ and etc etc. you know. if someone hasn’t written a thesis on this yet for their modern American pop culture history class or whatever someone needs to. ) if you want to count R* line as satire, it’s hamfisted at best, poor taste at worst. but I’ll take it seriously; i’ll eat the onion, so to speak. for intensely personal reasons, but also because I do think it explains a lot about Derby in both canon and my interpretation of him, and im confident enough that I can do it justice :)

- an amaryllis kind of looks like a daffodil (bulb flower), and means pride in flower language

- gords interest in bif this chapter (and not that they’re not friends, but Bif is only an ok conversationalist and not a gossip, so he’s not always Gord’s first choice to hang) was spurned on by Bif’s outburst in the last. The anger and all. Except, Gord doesn’t realize the defensiveness comes from the shared being poor thing w Bryce but the other secret bif keeps close to his chest :’)

-derby as meat Carrie…..

-for being a fighting game I can’t believe it took this long for a fighting scene. And I really wanted one scuffle as opposed to boxing, which is similar but has its own set of rules and terms

-the next (sigh) two chapters are mostly gut wrenching and pulse ratcheting but I want to end this on a high note w my favorite thing ever:

getting to write the word “fart knocker” in a story that will also hopefully make you tear up at least once

[atlascas]

DEANCAS FIC REC

(last updated 7/1)

FINALLY. this is like. just a place for me to rec and write excessively abt the fics i've been reading lately. it won't be organized but it WILL be very earnest and i'll keep it updated as i find/remember more. also i have obnoxiously high standards when it comes to fic so these ARE the cream of the crop, if u will. the god tier. the s tier. 

very loosely organized into "newer fic" and "classics." these are subjective categories. do what you will

✨ = new fic on the list

💖 = in my brain rent free!

CURRENTLY READING

these are the fics that i’m currently reading! may or may not get recced. usually i read the first couple paragraphs/lines and if i like the writing it gets bookmarked and put on this list.

lazarus needs a robe of scarlet thread by herrosesneverfall, 90k, canonverse au. dean starts getting stigmata. when i was getting back into spn there were a LOT of religious fics flying around bc that was the Hot Topic of Discussion. this was one of them

Three weeks ago, Dean woke up in a pine box. He thought dealing with the nightmares was going to be the most difficult part of his new life after Hell, but at least they were something he could understand. Something he could deal with. Something he deserved.

Then he began having agonizing visions of crucifixion. Wounds appeared on his body out of nowhere. Wounds that refused to heal and coated his skin with the sickly sweet smell of roses.

Stigmata are said to be the marks of saints, but Dean is not a saint and the wounds are only the beginning.

kingdom come by ahurston, 8.7k, coda to 15x18. cas gets to go home. im gathering all the s15 fix-its to my heart and holding them close

Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.

hunger by ellispark, 10.8k, s13 au. dean grieves cas, post s12 finale. perfect writing perfect awful heartwrenching characterization so far on dean’s end especially towards jack. nuanced emotional writing

Dean takes his meal and throws it away, plate and all. He's not hungry. How can he even begin to eat, knowing what he kept from Cas — what he kept from both of them?

They could have had something, and now all Dean has is this gaping, empty hole in his stomach, in his chest, and he has to learn to breathe and eat and move around it.

the law of equivalent exchange by awed_frog, 60.8k, canonverse. cas loving dean in all permutations of humanity, throughout time.

“And what’s the point of it?”

“Of love? There isn’t one. Loving is its own purpose.”

NEWER FIC

“newer” just means “i discovered it in 2020/2021 after coming back to spn fandom” so it very well could have been published before 2015 but really who’s checking. not me that’s for sure.

💖 so says the sword by komodobits, 85k, s4 au. cas guards the michael sword in the beautiful room. this is easily the MOST obvious rec on this entire list but it was the first fic i read when i got back into spn this year and jesus christ it set the bar sky fucking high. the way they create a coherent mythology out of the mess that is spn canon is incredible.

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’

Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected.

assimilation by komodobits, 5.6k, coda to 12x01. mary meets dean and cas and they go to find sam. such good character studies of all three of them. the best mary pov fic i’ve read

Mary always thought you were supposed to be able to tell. That you could just look at someone and know they were – you know. One of that sort. It’s not supposed to happen to her son.

cuckoo and nest by komodobits, 10k, ambiguously canonverse. dean and cas navigate relationship anxiety. cute, in character, and their relationship is realistic and the conflict well-written and emotionally nuanced and really really really good. 

For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental.

It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless.

💖 one white lie by komodobits, 11k, au. cas panics when trying to ask dean out and has to fake being a jehovah’s witness. it’s adorable and hilarious and it’s been ages since i actually got butterflies at a kiss in a fic but this did it. it did it. it felt like someone swaddled my soul in a cashmere blanket and kissed me on the forehead

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

a crash course in someone else’s history by annie d (scaramouche), 11.5k, set during s6. cas comes to as his s4 self without any memories of the past two years and has to figure out what the fuck is going on. it’s kind of like so says the sword. you’ll know it when you get to it.

Castiel is captured inside a trapping circle of holy oil set by Dean and Sam Winchester. The brothers call him "Cas", claiming that he has amnesia and that he is obligated to help them take down Crowley to atone for his betrayal of them. It's the strangest story Castiel's ever heard, and one he doesn't have time for because he's only just raised Dean from Hell and has work to get back to.

💖 cas and dean’s adventures in gardening by ahurston, 19k, post-canon au. a series featuring dean and cas living in the bunker, human. cas is very into plants. i read this yesterday actually and it made me smile SO much it’s just so lovely and sweet. i’m also a sucker for any fic where cas has a garden. he deserves a fucking garden okay

In this post-God world, everything is different. A little quieter, a little softer. Cas grows a garden, Dean cooks, and they take care of each other.

tall grass by aeli_kindara, 57k, post-s12. dean and cas live in the bunker on their own, and cas grows a garden. i did say i love fics where cas has a garden. plus domesticity, plus some good case fic, PLUS dean and cas’ relationship is so gentle and good

“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says.

Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away.

Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.

in a week by renrub, 2.3k, post 15x18. cas is in the empty. dean saves him. this is genuinely the best “dean pulls cas out of the empty” fic i’ve read so far like conceptually this entire thing just fucks. when cas is cycling through the barn scene. god. SO well written

Castiel is outside a barn covered in sigils. He frowns. This isn’t right. This has never been something he repented for.

i won’t even wish for snow by annie d (scaramouche), 5.6k, college au. cas goes to the winchesters’ for christmas. honestly scaramouche fics belong in the classics section bc she’s like an og deancas writer but whatever. mistletoe! banter! good in-character au! this fic’s got it all

It’s the third year that Castiel’s spending Christmas with his best friend’s family, and he expects it to be much like the previous two. Then mistletoe happens.

convenient husbands by annie d (scaramouche), 39k, canonverse au. cas is a phoenix, dean is a hunter. they get married and have a sick psychic bond. unexpectedly fluffy considering how the fic starts and i love the banter so much and dean/cas’ relationship gets fleshed out and organically developed it’s very cute

"It's only temporary, right?" Dean says. "Just until you're healed up, and then we'll never have to see each other again. So what do you say, Castiel, do you want to marry me or not?"

cinderwings by bendingsignpost, 181k, cinderella au. cas goes to a masquerade ball to save his people from an eternity trapped in a void. he meets prince dean. i can’t tell u how much this fic drew me in - thru good worldbuilding, but mostly thru cas’ social awkwardness. like it works PERFECTLY to his advantage in this fic and reading how expertly he manipulates social situations w/o any fucking idea what he’s doing is both hilarious and inspiring

Under the cover of a masquerade ball, Castiel has five nights to recover the key to his people's freedom. The world has changed greatly in the six centuries since their banishment into the void, but the task isn't impossible. Unfortunately for Castiel, this is going to involve talking to people - especially the Knight Prince who has taken an interest in Castiel and his "costume" wings.

as the crow flies by bendingsignpost, 3.4k, au. dean and cas go on a roadtrip. cas has wings! it’s so dreamlike and meandering and the slowburn is so good. honestly it reminds me of stevebucky/stevesam post tws era roadtrip fics if ur hip LMAO

Cross country road trips with Cas are the best.

long-term relationship by bendingsignpost, 2.7k, au. dean and cas have a Serious Conversation about their relationship.

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers, 7k, ambiguously canonverse. dean is trans. dean and cas are fucking and lowkey hiding it from sam. perfect character study PERFECT trans dean fic it’s so fucking well-written 

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

💖 the love story of the runner up by margo_kim, 4.7k, ambiguously canonverse. cas tries dating other men. bear with me here. this is an outside pov fic from an oc named miguel who is WONDERFULLY characterized and very endearing like i find outsider/oc pov to be on Thin Fucking Ice bc it always ends up as fandom/author self-insert but miguel is his OWN MAN. he gets his own lil arc and everything. dean and cas are concentrated perfectly crystallized versions of themselves and the little glimpses we get of them are amazing. ALSO i wrote like 9k of an spn vent fic (basically the same premise but w an oc named marcus) back in like. freshman yr of hs. so when i first opened this fic i was like what the fuck someone’s been in my google docs. very weird experience 10/10 regardless

“So you saw a white man in a trench coat pop out in an alley,” Paul says, “and you thought, what, ‘I want to see where this is going’?”

“If you get hung up on details like that,” Miguel says, “it will take a very long time to get through this story.”

For a very weird era in his life, Miguel dates an angel who is in love with another man.

sunshine by northernsparrow, 8k, set during s13. dean and cas have a long conversation about their Profound Bond. the description left me off-balance (it really. really truly says “dean is straight in this fic” like okay bro WEIRD hill to die on) but it pulled through w the relationship study and reassurance and snuggles. a sweet fic

One-shot with a single conversation between Dean and Castiel, set in a late-S13-ish world. Gabriel, Cas, Sam & Dean are all living in the bunker together, Gabe's been cracking certain jokes, Sam's found a certain book, Cas is injured and isn’t healing... and it's all making Dean wonder if his angel friend might have some sort of a "bond" with... somebody? Whatever that means.

Maybe it's time for a talk.

💖 still life by catchclaw, 16.5k, post-s8. cas, newly human, goes to live on his own for a while. he and dean maintain a relationship thru the phone. this is LITERALLY the only first person fic i fucking respect okay like i was skeptical! i really was! but the pov is PERFECT and also my man kevin tran is in this fic and i love him and miss him very much. oh and cas going off to explore humanity on his own..............perfect arc. very much in character we love that for him

Dean'd always thought that falling in love was a capital letter kind of thing, an Important Event you carved into the calendar of your life and never, ever forgot. But with he and Cas, it wasn't that simple.

it’s mostly cowardice, and bad timing by ferritin4, 1.6k, pre-canon. actually this one is just a dean study it’s not deancas but i spent an entire night looking for it and i need someone else to read it too. dean is smart!!! SAY THAT

Dean gets his GED.

a list of reasons the bunker shouldn’t get a sofa by lizbobjones, 5.6k, set during s12. sam and dean and mary and cas haul a sofa back to the bunker. cute domesticity and fluff

Let me count the ways that this is a terrible idea.

no kingdom to come by domesticadventures, 16.8k, canonverse. dean and cas deal with being stuck in quarantine in different ways. this is the one and only quarantine fic i’ve read and it’s really good lmao. dean and cas’ relationship is so organic and tentative in this one

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

till the juice runs by deathbanjo, 8.4k, canonverse. it’s like dean’s being cursed to have bad hookups with men. SUCH a funny fic and the deancas tension is so simple and sweet and GOOD. plus cas is so enjoyably characterized here he’s so human and worn in and experienced in his own unique way. perfect use of rowena too

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

turn of the year by kototyph, 3.9k, canonverse au. sam and dean get stuck out in the middle of nowhere on the winter solstice. what i wouldn’t give for a full 80k of this verse actually. also i went on a kototyph binge after reading shut up put your money where your mouth is and they have a SOLID spn repertoire

Fifteen minutes later, Dean gets back in the car with empty hands and ice in his fucking eyebrows. “Get the map out,” he says through chattering teeth, sticking numb fingers under his arms.

Sam holds up the battered 1995 Rand MacNally they keep in the side pocket, turned to a page of uninterrupted green. “We’re going to die,” he announces.

💖 bullets in the gun by kototyph, 4.9k, canonverse au. cas is a cop (i know. still) who gets kidnapped by dean in an unfortunate turn of events. GOD this fic is SO FUNNY. cas’ canny and strategic escape attempts render him a very active VERY funny pov character plus the hate attraction to dean is PERFECTLY WRITTEN VERY BELIEVABLE. dean’s kindness also shines thru even as he literally holds cas hostage like!!!! PERFECT characterization. both of them are so LIKABLE here. if you read anything on this list read this

“Sorry, sweetheart, but I’m going to need to borrow your car.”

as you will by kototyph, 1.8k, victorian au. cas endures a proposal mishap. it’s cute it’s funny it’s sweet!

"No?" Castiel echoes, dumbly.

and if i was looking too? by kototyph, 2.6k, au. cas is undercover where dean works. this fic is just so cute like. bird angels.................

There are some things Castiel hasn't told Dean, and there are some things he doesn't need to.

the most important thing by northernsparrow, 94.5k, s10 au. amnesiac cas raising claire until he comes across someone familiar. claire is so well characterized here i really loved her arc thruout this fic. she just wants her dad back and u can’t even blame her the author rlly does an amazing job creating realistic and heartbreaking motivations for her. oh and dean and cas (esp cas characterization!) are sweet in this but honestly the highlight IS claire for me

Jimmy Novak remembers nothing of the last six years. Reunited with his troubled daughter Claire, he's struggling to raise her on his own. The most important thing is to make Claire happy. But why does he keep having these dreams of wings, and of two men in a black car? (Canon-divergent from S10E11, when we first met Claire again and Dean was still struggling with the Mark of Cain. Takes places several months later).

there’s only one sure thing that i know by blinkiesays, 20.3k, post-s5. dean goes to help cas out in ohio and they end up building a home together. i love the writing it’s rlly funny and sweet.

Dean doesn't even get halfway through explaining before Bobby starts laughing. When he lets himself think about it for more than five seconds, Dean can almost see Bobby's point: he's faced down demons, witches, vampires, werewolves, ghosts, angels, and Satan himself and now he's been defeated by the God damn Midwest.

💖 to an angel, love and worship are the same thing by geminisage, 10.3k, post s15 fix it. dean grieves cas - and then cas gets brought back back from the empty. i didn’t have this in my bookmarks so i MISSED it the first time around on this list but this was another one of the fics i came back to spn fandom to. it’s so fucking unique?? it actually reads like spn like i think fic tends to soften dean/cas up and makes them more emotional + emotionally intelligent than is ever shown in the show. here the dialogue/characterization adheres RIGOROUSLY to their communication in canon in that dean’s not overtly emotional, and cas is very reserved. they have to negotiate their relationship exactly like they would in the show. it’s all clipped conversation and anger and hurt and (warning btw) LOTS of internalized homophobia on dean’s end but it’s SO worth it. dean navigating his [GESTURES VAGUELY] everything is compellingly written, emotionally true, and PERFECTLY characterized. cas characterization also amazing like u rlly feel the quiet devoted bittersweet love. ok this was long clearly it’s a good fic go read it now

Just as Dean knew they would, the weeks do stretch into months, and then into a year. Grief never gets easier, Dean knows from experience, but you do get better at it. After all, you can get used to anything.

the violin house by teh_helenables, 8.5k, post-s5. dean and cas build a home after stull. so slow and lovely and sweet and gentle. i need to put this here so that i don’t forget it tbh. it’s very much dean as a war wife cas as the husband away on the front

The Apple Pie Life is a slow process, but Dean and Cas are getting there—until Cas is called for battle and Dean is forced to wait.

💖 muscle memory by komodobits, 18.9k, au. amnesiac cas wakes up three years in the future with dean in his kitchen. komodobits DOES NOT FUCKING MISS!!! i CRIED at the end of this i had NO INTENTION OF CRYING the rest of the fic isn’t even SAD i just had to sit there at the end of it w tears dribbling down my face. INSANE work of art

Dear Castiel,

Hello – it’s Castiel. This must all seem very confusing, and I’m sorry for that. Dean says to tell you that this isn’t some kind of ‘time-travel stunt’, although I’m sure that won’t be your first thought. I know it wasn’t mine. I’ve told Dean to leave now, as this is my notebook and I want everything in it to come from me – or rather, from you. I know you think it's the fifteenth of January, 2010, but it isn't. At the time of my writing this, the date is the fourth of October, 2013. Dean Winchester is your boyfriend of a year and a half, and you no longer work at the library, and in early 2010 you were hit by a car and hospitalised. I’m sorry.

a.k.a the 50 First Dates Dean/Cas AU where Castiel wakes up on a day just like any other, except that three years have passed without his knowing, and Dean Winchester is in the kitchen wanting to marry him.

don’t forget the experience points by annie d (scaramouche), 10.8k, au. cas is sam’s work friend, and he and dean get to know each other. genuinely an adorable fic. i adore cas’ characterization in this it’s snarky AND awkward AND confident in a way that i absolutely believe he would be if he had 30 yrs of human life under his belt

It's because Dean was an awesome brother than he took such an interest in Sam's new friend. No, really. What happened afterwards was mostly an accident.

actus fidei by manic_intent, 5.6k, canonverse au. dean’s a priest, cas is still his angel. i was HOOKED from the description alone like That’s Everything I Love in One Sentence. Cool!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the very first time that Castiel manifests in front of Father Dean Winchester, he gets as far as "Rejoice, for you are blessed-" before Dean shoots him with a salt-loaded shotgun.

not with a bang but a yelp by strange_estrangement, 1.4k, canonverse. team free will leave yelp reviews. this isn’t d/c actually it’s just a crack-ish fic but the formatting is cool and the references are SO funny and so well done

What happens when you visit dozens and dozens of motels every year? You leave Yelp reviews.

the courtship of combat by bendingsignpost, 18.2k, medieval a/b/o au. cas is politically coerced into fighting in a courtship melee for prince dean's hand, and he teams up with two unexpected allies to do it. I KNOW HOW THE ABO THING SOUNDS but i swear it's done well - it's by bendingsignpost so ofc he puts his own spin on the premise. im absurdly into it. PLUS jack is in it!!!!!!! it's technically an unfinished series but the first part is so good just on its own

When pressed upon to mate for a political alliance, Commander Castiel dares to refuse his king. As “I do not wish to mate at all” is clearly the wrong thing to say, Castiel takes the other path and lies. “You must know my affections lie elsewhere, my king.”

King Michael studies Castiel’s face long and hard. Then, with a nod, he snaps his fingers, pointing to Castiel. “The Winchester omega.”

“Yes,” Castiel says with no real recollection of who that is.

The ruse of an unavailable omega works well enough, right up until that omega is no longer unavailable. Then, with what seems to be his entire nation cheering him on toward victory, Castiel must enter the melee to win his mate. Backed by allies, training, and his own natural talents, the only question is how well he can contrive to fail.

four letter word for intercourse by bendingsignpost, 194.7k, au. dean calls a sex hotline. OH BOY solid characterization excellent plot/premise like bendingsignpost is so good at turning absurd premises into realistic, believable fiction. also sex hotline fic is usually a BIG turn-off bc of the power dynamics/one-sidedness of a relationship based on sex work but. BUT. bendingsignpost does it well! it’s not weird at ALL i started reading and was immediately reassured abt its intentions and its plot direction

As a grease monkey turned college freshman, Dean's constantly three seconds away from being stressed out of his mind. It hardly helps that he's finally figuring out his sexuality in his thirties.

What might help with that stress is a little phone number (and a big credit card bill). If he can't figure out how to be bisexual in person, he can at least give it a go over the phone, right?

(It's probably a bad idea, but he really can't help himself.)

the tunnel of love by xylodemon, 21.4k, post-canon. case fic! dean and cas have to kiss on a loveboat to solve a case >:)

"We might," Cas starts slowly, pausing like he's choosing his words. "We might have to kiss."

Dean just stares at him.

when you have a future. by firebog, 17.6k, post-s8. dean and sam and cas learning to be human post-apocalypse. reminds me of robotmango’s writing! it’s kind of eccentric and very very sweet and funny.

Sam closes Hell. Castiel closes Heaven. The heroes save the day. There's no Heaven or Hell waiting to cause the next big disaster. There's no more end of the world. There's only a squirmy feeling in his chest that feels a lot like freedom. So, now what?

(Things I promise you in this fic: dog poetry, rabbits, and fluff)

six inch heels by alitneroon, 2.3k, canonverse. dean does drag! excellent fucking character study. prose is fantastic

Dean does drag on a whim, and ends up in way over his head.

sharing is caring by gateskeeper, 2.5k, canonverse. five times dean and cas shared something and one time they didn’t. look. sometimes u just need some saccharine tropey fluff. it’s VERY well written

Sam knows that Dean and Cas have shared a lot together, but ever since Cas became human permanently, it seems like they've been sharing a lot more. 

Or: five times Dean and Cas shared something special and one time Dean refused to.

💖 empty spaces by schmerzerling, 60k, au. dean has to take care of his dying father, and takes up running to cope. that’s just the beginning. HEAVY trigger warnings for ED (specifically anorexia) and suicidal thoughts. there is a happy ending, but dean has to fight to make it there. god. okay. this is a dark fic. it’s also one of the most well-characterized fics i’ve ever read. dean’s spiral is excruciatingly accurate and written with the kind of wry compassion that comes from either extensive research or extensive experience. it’s also completely immersed in dean’s perspective - dean’s relationship w his dad, dean’s relationship w food scarcity, etc. it’s incredible. it’s kinda scary. it’s deeply sad. cas is explicitly autistic and it’s ALSO incredibly accurate and loving, and makes cas so true to his canon self. ugh. and i burst into TEARS at some of the accompanying art, which is so sparse and lonely and beautiful. 100/10 experience one of the best fics i’ve read this year

Dean is fine. The way he sees it, things are simple. He had a house and a family and food in his stomach, and now he doesn't. And yeah, that's a downer, but he's not going to let that stop him from being fine, because he's in control of the situation. He definitely doesn't need anyone to save him. And it's not like the weird guy with the nice butt from down the road is the knight-in-shining-armor type, anyway.

broken road by thegeminisage, 109.6k, 14x13 au. dean makes a wish and gets more than he bargained for. a lot of “john comes back” fics are kinda short on nuance, which this author has talked about a lot - and oh MAN does this fic deliver on nuance. john’s abuse is absolutely present, but his pov makes him a complex character instead of a flat caricature for dean to reject. and the way this fic resolves really makes it clear that the priority is dean’s emotional well-being over all else!!! this isn’t about dean taking the path fandom thinks he should take w his abuser (killing john, punching john in the face, etc), this is abt dean coming to terms w his abuse and finding his own emotionally satisfying way of resolving it. also dean and cas are in an established relationship and it’s very slow and sweet.

A 14.13 Lebanon rewrite. When Dean uses a wish-granting pearl to try and kill the archangel Michael before he can escape the cage in Dean's head, they instead wind up with a newly-resurrected John Winchester.

It's been more than a decade since John died, and a lot has changed: Mary is alive, Sam and Dean have what passes for a proper home in the Men of Letters Bunker, and they're living with angels. John doesn't know angels are real, he doesn't know about the fragile new relationship between Dean and Castiel, and most of all, he doesn't know that Dean said yes to Michael, or that Dean's plan to defeat Michael would send him to a fate worse than death.

Now Dean must contend with both his father asking questions he can't answer, and his loved ones learning about the darker truths of his childhood, all while constantly battling the archangel trapped inside him. But Dean coming to terms with his history may be the difference between this being the beginning of a journey—or the end. 

home is not a place by imogenbynight, 6.8k, post-s11. human cas struggles with belonging, and dean struggles with their relationship. this reads a lot like komodobits’ cuckoo and nest, but it’s its own sweet little thing. they watch movies!!! very cute 

In which Dean is the oblivious one for a change.

love: a retrospective by xylodemon, 40.7k, post-s12. dean tries to deal w cas’ absence after s12 and reflects on their relationship thru the years. this was written before s13 aired, so - no spoilers - but jack plays a different role than he ends up playing in canon. it’s kinda fun seeing ppl’s theories pre-s13 tbh. makes me VERY glad that they took jack in the direction they did in show. anyway this is THEE definitive “they’ve been fucking all along” fic

Pretending Cas is just his friend has been the only thing keeping Dean's head on straight for years. He never realized how much doing that depended on him making himself scarce in the morning ─ not until Cas came back and moved into the bunker.

✨💖 if it all fell to pieces tomorrow by spocklee, 37k, post-s15 fix-it. cas gets broken out of the empty - and he immediately makes a break for it. new fave fix-it!!!! the writing is so understated and so straightforward - SO in character for cas tbh - that every single emotional beat feels like a PUNCH. and there are so many amazing character moments it made my chest seize the fuck up!!!!! perfect characterization perfect relationship moments perfect cas/jack parenting moments. the yearning over the phone is OFF THE CHARTS and spocklee makes the most of that tension!!!! PLUS old canon characters get to make fun appearances!!!!! i cannot recommend this shit enough

After the Empty, Cas has to spend some time alone. Orpheus tries to convince Eurydice over the phone that it’s okay to turn around now.

✨ before and after breakfast by spocklee, 10.5k, post-canon. dean and sam and cas tackle a monster of the week case with unexpected consequences. perfect pov perfect relationship moments SUCH GOOD TENSION. again this writing style just lets the tension dial up to 1000% every word is meaningful and it makes my chest hurt!!! spocklee SHOULD have blown up during the spn renaissance and i STAND by that

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

CLASSICS

isn't it cool how every person has diff fics they consider "classics?" anyway these are required fucking reading. if u've been around these will prob be old news.

💖 asunder by rageprufrock, 23k, au. dean and cas go to sam's wedding. i reread this once a year like a religious ritual.

Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matthew 19:6)

💖 the girlfriend experience by rageprufrock, 15k, set during s5. dean teaches cas how to be human. mostly the sex part. literally the gold fucking standard of s4-5 era deancas fic and for deancas fic in general, personally

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

okay, cupid. by orange_crushed, 4.5k, au. dean tries to sign up for an ok cupid profile and has a revelation. as soon as i put this entry down i realized this entire fic rec was an exercise in futility, because if i could i'd literally just rec everything orange_crushed/robotmango has ever written. still one of THEE best authors in this fandom. go read all her fics. i’ll put the highlights here

"The dating thing?" Dean frowns. "Online dating is for weirdos. Robots. Dudes hanging out in their basements."

"You hang out in your basement."

"I have an air hockey table down there,” Dean says, icily.

💖 pwp: pie without plot by orange_crushed and majorenglishesquire, 82k, post-s8. sam and dean and cas quit hunting for a little bit to open a bakery. this is my comfort fic. i love it so so much.

he is in the kitchen with flour on his hands and an apron and there is flour on his forehead and cas leans across the counter and wipes it off with his thumb and dean says "thank you" and cas says "you’re welcome" very seriously and later dean makes apple turnovers and he only ruins them a little and sam realizes it’s not a real hunt like four days into it and he lets dean stay undercover for like a week and a half or longer maybe way longer because he is such a good everything

💖 la cucina by orange_crushed, 4k, post-s8. dean gets into cooking for a newly human cas. it's so gentle and loving and kind and makes me tear up every time. YES food is a comfort item and expression of love for dean. no i don't want to talk about it

Dean turns around and Castiel is picking through the jars, turning them over carefully to read the labels, totally engrossed. Dean watches him.

"Is there," Dean says, "uh, anything in there you like?" Castiel looks up at him and then back at the apples, sitting in a basket on the counter in their golden skins, ripe and pretty. Castiel smiles up at Dean.

"I don’t know yet," he says.

today, your barista verse by orange_crushed, 13.6k, coffeeshop au. a series of short sweet lovely fics where cas is a barista and dean is a smitten customer. literally the only coffeeshop au i respect

"Is that-"

"My number," says Dean, because he's a fucking champion, he's cool, he's collected, he's Captain Smooth of the USS Smoothtania, that's right. He is definitely not leaning against the counter for moral support. Cas doesn't looked seduced or impressed, though. He does not look like a dude who just met Captain Smooth and wants to ride the loveboat. He looks puzzled.

fata morgana. by orange_crushed, 6.6k, post-s9. dean is the king of hell. bela and cas team up to find him. bela pov. yeah you fucking heard that right BELA POV. BELA AND CAS!!!!!!!!!! makes me lose my mind i love everyone in this stupid desolate fucking hell wasteland.

The endless asphalt and broken road, the empty land and piles of human garbage, the unwanted ends of life, the cracked toys and broken screens and burning cars and gravel. Dean Winchester is the king of hell.

"Oh," says Bela.

That changes certain things.

💖 gran fury. by orange_crushed, 5k, pacific rim au. sam and cas pair up in a last ditch mission to save the world. permanently damaged me at age 15 and i've never recovered. major fucking angst warning.

They sit in silence and Castiel passes him the bottle. There’s not much left to say. Sam takes a gulp and it burns going down, like the cheap shit it is. He holds the bottle up against the light. He can see the Fury through it, distorted like a funhouse mirror. She’s a tomb but Sam loves her. Loves everything that’s left.

"To the end of the world," he says.

"To the end of the world," says Castiel.

💖 shut up (put your money where your mouth is) by kototyph, 24k, au. dean and cas get drunk married in vegas. dean renovates cas' house. this fic is SO MUCH BETTER than i remembered/expected and the entire series is fucking adorable go read it RIGHT now

Dean's done some pretty stupid things, but getting drunk-hitched in Vegas to a colleague he barely knows might just take the cake. His surprise husband, Castiel, is a little weird but likable despite that, and Dean figures they’ll go back to Boston, get a quiet annulment, and go their separate ways. Six weeks later, he’s still married to one of the strangest, most genuine and definitely most dangerously lov-- likable guys he's ever known. Dean doesn't know why or really even how it’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to remember that he has divorce papers to file.

not part of the plan by annie d (scaramouche), 338k, arranged marriage au. cas is slated to marry a noble from the winchester house. things spiral out of control. if you’re looking for an extensive well-developed political au, this is fucking it. i love reading about political machinations so this was FASCINATING to me. 

Castiel's spent most of his adult life keeping his head down and staying out of trouble. This is a deliberate choice on his part, because as a cousin of the King, he'd rather stay unimportant and forgotten. This changes abruptly when King Michael decides that he has a better use for Castiel: he is to be wed to a noble member of the neighboring Republic, as part of an agreement between their two nations.

Castiel knows he has to obey, but that doesn't mean he won't rebel in what small ways he can. Unexpectedly, his actions end up having far-reaching consequences.

💖 all things shining by askance and standbyme, 142k, au. sam and dean and cas go on a hunt that's not really a hunt, and against all odds good things happen. it's beautifully written and has scenes that literally make my heart leap out of my chest with joy and awe it's just WONDERFUL it's a wonderful fic. incredible mythology too omg i found that the authors actually created the myth the entire story is based on - like they don’t pull a random one from history, they made one up THEMSELVES. they even self-published it on amazon if ur curious

Something in the world is waking up.

It isn’t long before it’s brought to the attention of the Winchesters and Castiel: miracles are spreading across the country, the paranormal seems to be shrinking back on itself—and it all has something to do with the missing prayer book of a traveling preacher who died over a century ago.

Dean is convinced it’s all the lead-up to another Apocalypse; Sam and Castiel aren’t so sure. Regardless, it sends them out on a less-than-typical road-trip, following the Mississippi and remnants of a very old story that seems increasingly to call to them. And along the way the trio learn much more about themselves—and the consequences and origins of love—than they’d ever have anticipated.

💖 broadway musical by griftings, 12.4k, crack. romcom where cas is supposed to play matchmaker to dean and jo and well. you know. it actually made me cackle out loud when i read it again so you know it's still good. absolutely one of the funniest fics i’ve read

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle.

The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at.

Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

the five people you meet in heaven by chevrolangels, 22k, ambiguously canonverse. dean dies and goes to heaven and meets five people from his life. NOT a post-finale fic but still horrifically sad. i remember sobbing hysterically when i first read this so

Heaven is white.

Well. Isn’t that fucking stereotypical.

Dean isn’t really sure how he got here. Or even why he’s here. And hell, for all the times the Winchesters have died, he thinks he ought to know the drill by now. But what he doesn’t know is when most folks go, they find something different.

There’s a system God put in place. That when you’re gone (for good), there are a couple things you gotta do first. There are five people waiting for you.

They are the five people you meet in heaven.

any port in a storm by microcomets, 53k, post-s8. dean and cas go on a haunted cruise for a case. you know what happens next. also the art is by anobviousaside and it's gorgeous

The angels have fallen, leaving Castiel graceless and Dean with, well, more of other people’s problems. When a string of couples goes missing on the east coast, Dean and Cas decide to investigate—and find themselves trapped and hunted on a couples’ counseling cruise. Although battling monsters at sea is dangerous enough, sorting through emotional baggage proves to be far more deadly. (And, in which Cas embarks to find his missing grace and Dean is put out. Not necessarily in that order.)

a turn of the earth by microcomets, 95k, pre-canon au. cas is on the run from the empty and crash lands in dean's life. at one point he punches john in the face. a fucking beautifully written character study of pre-canon dean, honestly.

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

unfinished duet by microcomets, 5.8k, canonverse. sam observes dean and cas throughout the years. i remember this breaking my heart back in 2013!

Sam watches Dean and Cas over the years and notices a few things. (Or, Dean and Cas unscripted.)

💖 ergative/absolutive by glassedplanets, 8k, college au. dean and cas are best friends who meet in an astronomy class. i'm never not thinking about this fic it's so sweet and the friends to lovers is so soft and believable

He really shouldn’t be thinking thoughts like this about his best friend who literally just broke up with his girlfriend, but he knows he’ll blame it on sleepiness in the morning. He always does.

a certain light by flightagain, 24k, au. cas works at the gas n sip. dean is a customer. this author’s writing style is so lonely and heavy but it’s very lovely

Castiel works at the Gas-n-Sip. There are half-price nachos and flickering lights, there are office-workers and werewolves stopping by for snacks. Dean is a frequent customer, and his office might be haunted.

the one thing you can’t lose by majorenglishesquire, 5k, ambiguously canonverse. dean can pull cas around and it’s adorable. character study-ish. very sweet.

You know what I like a lot? The thought that Dean can just tug Cas anywhere at any time and Cas, who can lift tons without effort, who can demolish things with the light of his grace, who has battled and gone to war, has defended and broken, will just let Dean do it.

brother lover by twentysomething, 4k, set during s4/s5. dean’s jealous of sam and cas’ budding relationship. this fic is so tropey but it does it well and it’s funny as fuck

However- and it doesn't happen a lot- they have to invoke 'I saw her first.’

his fucking kids by 8sword, 3k, canonverse au. dean and cas raise claire and emma together. yes, claire novak. yes, emma of 7x13 spice girls fame. this was the first kidfic i read for spn i think. obvs written before jack or claire actually came back into the picture but it was the TEMPLATE of kidfic for me for ages

Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.

💖 what has eight tentacles and isn’t allowed to eat pie? by annie d (scaramouche), 16k, post s8. dean gets turned into an octopus. another fic that was SO MUCH BETTER than i remembered i fucking love when that happens. it isn’t even about dean being an OCTOPUS like NO. NOT EVEN. it’s ACTUALLY about the bunker and building a home and a community and a family and about PHYSICAL COMFORT and you can actually feel the world expanding at the end of this fic like a gusty sigh of relief it’s SO WONDERFUL. kevin is in this fic. ellie is too and i had to look her up but THIS is her!!!! danay garcia u were too hot to stay on this show but i love you and miss u

Dean watched an anime porn about this once, but real life turns out to be way less interesting.

Or, the one where Dean gets turned into an octopus.

💖 a beginner’s guide to communing with the dead by suspiciousflashlight, 77k, canonverse au. dean is a cop who summons a powerful entity to help him solve a cold case. oh my god i can’t believe i didn’t put this on here i love this one so much. the writing bowls me over it’s so confident in its worldbuilding like you’re IMMEDIATELY plunged into dean’s pov (FLAWLESSLY executed throughout the fic btw) and you just learn about the world as you go!! and it’s such a fascinating world!!! i love the magic i love the typical bureaucratic red tape procedures i love normalizing the supernatural. i ESPECIALLY love monsters as normal people in a society. at one point there’s this exchange

“Monsters,” says Cas finally. “Beyond the Wall there are monsters.” “You mean, like, vampires and djinn and stuff?” Cas shakes his head. “Those aren’t monsters, those are just people.”

those lines have stayed with me for years. i think about them every time i rewatch an episode of spn.

Maybe it's the little girl whose disappearance turned into a murder, and whose murder turned into a cold case, and who has now apparently decided to move in with him. Maybe it's the unacceptable hole left in his life when his dumb best friend and partner in (the prevention of) crime decided to go and get himself killed. Maybe it's his brother, whose high-profile career and fantastic girlfriend and first-child-on-the-way are steadily leaving Dean in the dust. Pick one. Pick all of them. The why doesn't matter so much as the what, and the what is this: Dean is pretty sure he's going completely, certifiably insane. Sure, he hasn't started wearing all his clothes inside out, and he still showers on a regular basis (anyways, that's not crazy, just a little eccentric); but there's no getting around the fact that he just threw away his life, his career, and his reputation by dragging out his mom's old necromancy book and summoning a Class A Forbidden Entity to his attic. A cranky one, too. With horrendous bed-head.

dean’s list by almaasi, 3k, canonverse. dean makes a list. short and sweet. i read this so much in 2015 that it literally got engraved into my brain line by line and rereading it caused synapses to fire that havent felt anything in years

Dean writes out a list of men he would go gay for. Sam has a suggestion to make.

💖 the path of fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, post-s8. dean and cas open a charming bed and breakfast in vermont. no, literally. another CLASSIC. i think about the food in this fic all the time...........maple bacon baked french toast......the cinnamon rolls.....it literally sounds so good

After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years.

long nights in cold months by pyrebi, 2.3k, au. dean’s an insomniac and cas works at walmart. i forgot i had this fic ALSO basically memorized. holy shit. pineapple in the fruit aisle.....................anyway it’s short and sweet and the “plot” resolves in such a satisfying way

When you're an insomniac, you get used to the "what the hell are you doing up, man?" look. Dean just hopes the guy who's stocking the shelves will stop giving it to him long enough to help him find some damn pineapple.

incredibly single & ready to mingle by imogenbynight, 3.6k, au. dean and cas meet on facebook. short cute au!!!!!!

Sam uses Facebook like the social media junkie he is. He's befriended literally every person he's ever had a conversation with since he got an account, which means that approximately—Dean checks—eight hours ago, he shared this horrible photo with something in the vicinity of nine hundred people. The caption below the picture reads “incredibly single & ready to mingle ;)” and roughly half of them have liked it.

Dean has never been so embarrassed in his life.

💖 unknown quantities by xylodemon, 8.5k, post-s8. after a post-case tryst, dean has to figure out his and cas’ relationship. human cas fics hold a special place in my heart. funny AND good dean pov AND a misunderstanding that i actually think works!!!!!

No one ever tells Dean anything.

(or: Dean Winchester and the not-relationship crisis of 2014)

[toonbly]

4 and 6 for bideo games

6: A game that’s changed you the most?

OH MAN THERE’S A FEW.

honestly id have to name two: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Explorers of Darkness and Pokemon Ranger Shadows of Almnia.

LIKE OKAY.

Mystery Dungeon was my first exposure to large narratives in video games. With all the emotional punches and plot twists and turns all over this thing with some of the BEST foreshadowing and character writing I’ve ever seen in a spin off Pokemon game, this is one of the things in my early childhood that got me really into storytelling. i remember specifically like, my first time doing written out prose was trying to make a novelization of mystery dungeon! i started making stories abt explorer teams with my toys and cards n stuff bc i was like 10 yknow what i mean HFKJDHFKSD

but then i also played Rangers: Shadow Of Almnia. this game was the reason i made my first ever comic! it was basically a comic version of the game but with my ranger OC Lola! she was also secretly a fairy whos parents were vaporeons but she WASN’T a pokemon ok she was a fairy and she has a deep seeded rivalry with darkrai who tries to kill her at some point but its fine.

yeah i was like 8 what do you want from me HJFJDSHFKDS

BUT LIKE LEGIT. THAT WAS MY FIRST EVER COMIC. I WOULD NOT BE MAKING FERRYMEN NOW IF IT WERENT FOR MY WEIRD MARY SUE RANGER FANFICTION I MADE WHENEVER I WAS IN LIKE? 2ND OR 3RD GRADE FHDJFHKSDJF

theyre the games that got me into stories!! and i wouldnt be where i am or who i am today without storytelling

4: Worst game you’ve ever played?

oh baby you already know its YIIK

I’M PUTTING THIS BIT UNDER A READ MORE BECAUSE GOOD LORD DO I HAVE A LOT TO SAY HERE FSJDKHFKJDSF

i bought the game to “give it a chance” sometime last year i think? bc like listen. listen. i only vaguely knew about the problems with it, i knew it had supposedly bad writing and the dialogue could be a little awkward. that was it. i took a look at it and tbh i liked the visual style! like

i genuinely like the art style for the talk sprites! and i get the vibe theyre going with the low poly models and the very bright colors, its supposed to be very 90s-esque!

it does kinda feel like its missing that little Spark that really ties it all together? its missing a little pizzazz to make it really stand out and REALLY get the vibe its going for, it misses the uniqueness mark but! it does its job okay enough for me to get what its going for!

plus honestly i found the intro sequence with the crow asking you questions really charming! in full context of the actual shitshow i was about to get into it was a little tryhard-y, but i liked it when i first saw it!

so i figured hey, what the heck, i’ll give this thing a try. the intros cute and i like the art style, maybe people are giving it too much flack.

and then. and then alex picks up that first phone call.

AND IT GOES. SO DOWNHILL. FUCKING IMMEDIATELY

LIKE OKAY. THE GAMEPLAY IS SO BAD AND REPETIVE AND GENUINELY BROKEN. im no game design expert so i cant really explain why, but combat in yiik DRAGS ON so much that its GENUINELY fucking draining. no joke while trying to complete this game i had to put it down multiple times bc it made me dissasociate. i WISH i was joking. i WISH that was exaggeration. it isnt. it is far fucking from it.

AND LOOK USUALLY. USUALLY. I CAN PUT UP WITH MEDIOCRE OR EVEN TERRIBLE GAMEPLAY IF THE STORY IS GOOD.

BUT THE STORY ISN’T FUCKING GOOD. ITS AWFUL.

it’s somehow both over explained and absolutely fucking nonsensical, characters will repeat themselves THOUSANDS OF TIMES in these long, repetive exposistion dumps that explain every single detail while making sure you understand NONE of it. the characters are unlikable (ESPECIALLY alex, the main character), it’s tone death and insensitive, and it’s just so. fucking. pretentious.

there are other issues in the game like racism, sexism, insensitity towards very serious topics (like using the real life death of Elisa Lam for shock value. no thats not a joke. the devs themselves have admitted this was intentional.)

not to mention all the shit the devs have done which we dont have TIME to get into-- LONG STORY SHORT YIIK IS A MASSIVE FUCKING SHITSHOW OF A GAME AND DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY ON IT LIKE I DID. i WISH steam would let me refund it. my brains gonna explode.

i think the devs owe me compensation for damages. just damages in general. /j

[dipplie]

Temporary list of my stories and OC’s until one day I make a comprehensive and well made list:

Blinded:

Polli: My oldest OC and fun fact was my persona till she become edgy and I wasn’t 12 anymore. Everyone’s favorite yes yes I’m aware. Yellow, energetic, eats dirt and bugs, I can’t tell if she’s evil because of a wisp possession or just crazy. Breaks the 4th wall. Is she a Mary Sue???????? Who knows.

Melody: NOT Polli’s girlfriend despite Polli’s delousions. Has an abusive mom :(. Only has one eye and then no eyes and then robot eyes or smthn idk she becomes a badass when she gets older. But otherwise trembling in her shoes all the time.

Melodys Mom/Sharren: Bitch. Okay well all I’ll say is she’s old and grumpy and probably smells bad.

Louise: Total hotty, rich kid, FtM, got bullied as a kid for his weight. Had a squad of fans basically in high school. Lived with his mom after his parents got a divorce but his mom was semi abusive, projected her femininity onto him, and wouldn’t have been supportive of his transition, so between middle and high school he went to live with his dad and got his sex change and testosterone. His best friend in elementary and middle school stopped talking to him after his transition, and became his competition for the most attractive and sought after boy in school (except Louise is a sweetheart while his friend Tommy is a dick and really gross) His dad runs a company that specializes in technology, and after meeting and falling in love with Melody (even after all her abusive trauma and losing both her eyes) he has his dad and some of the developers create a way to get her vision back and I mean honestly I love him how could you not love him he’s so perfect.

Watching:

Fick: Big nerd boy with thick glasses. I feel like he’d use Reddit but don’t quote me on that. Big crush on Vivinya. Boy don’t wander into the woods- oh look dead body with a curse on it don’t touch it- aaaand now he has a wisp that makes him kill people, way to go kid. Panic attack central.

Vivinya: True crime girl, yucky yucky. Probably had a knife collection. “uwu I’m insane” except she actually is and starts using Fick to kill people for her and treats him like her “Yandere boyfriend” or something cringe and gross oh god. She deserves jail. JAIL. Needs to learn guys need to give consent too. Just overall sucks 1/10.

Tommy: I mentioned him early to be Louises ex best friend and rival. He used to have a crush on Louise actually but that don’t excuse being a BITCH!!!! Also needs to learn people gotta give consent he is just as gross as Vivinya. Cheats on all the girls he gets with because he’s again, a bitch. Idk if he deserved to get murdered though I mean he was still a teenager but it’s fine. Thinks of the song Seventeen from Heathers actually this story does feel a tad reminiscent of heathers with vivinya being a crazy and wanting to off a bunch of students. Huh.

Suzannie: Tommy’s older sister who’s a detective. What a coincidence. Monotone and depressed. Probably because her little brother got murdered. Gets real awkward when she’s talking about her brothers murder(s) to Fick and Vivinya like “when I find who did this to him they’ll regret being born”. Kind of really pretty actually.

Adolescents (there isn’t actually a story here yet but don’t worry about it shhhh):

Nelson: HIMBO HIMBO H- Jock stupid idiot big dork god he’s so awkward and his main personality trait is having a crush on Naomi and being a dork when talking to her. Probably could benchpress you.

Naomi: Gamer or something and a nerd geek. Her main personality trait is having a crush on Nelson and also being a dork when talking to him. Probably a weeb and fandom dweller. Can’t draw but she commissions artists to draw. She does write copious amounts of fanfiction though.

Andrés: Ohhh the school bad boy babyyyy. Baseball bat with nails in it or something. There’s like... A thing between him in Charlotte and he wants to be a thing but she’s being difficult and makes it hard to talk to her or about her and ugh.

Charlotte: Princess, high school princess. She’s actually pretty nice when you get to know her- but she’s a diva. Ballerina after school. Best friends with Naomi and doesn’t know what she’s talking about when she mentions ships or OTPs but she listens anyways because she’s a good friend. There’s like... A thing between her and Andrés but she doesn’t know if she’s super into him but geez he’s really hot but she gets such mixed responses when she asks her friends about it and what if it doesn’t work outttt.

Marlon: They/Them but they’re okay with either pronouns they aren’t sure yet, he or she is okay... Box boy box boy. Autism... He doesn’t want to admit He’s attracted to men but he’s totally attracted to men. He lives alone which is probably illegal for his age but somehow he manages. Everyone thinks he’s “the quiet kid” and he’s really sad about it no don’t make jokes like that please guys ahh-

Sing for Me:

Kat: The color pink, addahadda(adhd), angry and loud and short. For being only like 10 and being an adorable little lesbian dressing in sparkly pink dresses she actually likes screaming a lot and would totally sing heavy metal if her producers let her. Loud and mad but gets so soft around her girlfriend. “If anything happens to Brie I’m killing everyone in this room and then myself”.

Brie: French... Birds and stuff. Loves her girlfriend even though she is so loud. So fast. So much. Likes to write pretty things. Is only like an inch taller than Kat. Filled with so much love for everything.

Elliot: The girls manager. Lots of coffee. Stressed out of his MIND please help this man. Probably gay. Seems like a smug dick but he is just a tall and lanky dork that loves puppies and wants nothing more than for Kat and Brie to be happy. Accidentally brands them as sisters and then Kat kisses Brie and- oh fuck oh shit oh no what has he done. Hides the fan and non fan responses from them. Poor guy.

Horror Hosts:

Ichabod: Hot demon who’s the son of the current ruler of hell or something. I mean he’s hot, smart, and royalty, what more do you want. I very specifically hear the dub voice of Kyoya Ootori from OHHC as his voice don’t @ me. Goat legs????? Yeah??? Don’t be rude.

Barnabie: Ohhhhhhhhh big orc teddy bear I’m crying I love him????? He puts up a more confident ploy and the given stereotypical personality orcs supposedly have but he’s just a shy boy that wants to give girls flowers and call boys pretty. Help him.

Garrison: Gary Burger. Fat hairy gay man. I mean werewolf. Wouldn’t it be funny if I made the whole werewolf thing backwards and made him transform into a HUMAN only on the full moon??? Party animal, pun absolutely intended. LOUD AND FUNNY he’s a dork. Bites. Horny on main Garrison please you’re supposed pamper and flirt with the guests but not quite that much.

Vincenzo: Token Vampire but he’s Italian because I felt like it. Talk and lanky of course. Bitch face. Blood coffee? Yeah lots of coffee. Tired. Let him sleep in Ichabod. Steps on people. Can summon and reanimate corpses but has a bitter attitude towards them because they get annoyed with him as much as he gets annoyed with- everyone else. He does have a soft spot but idk where it is. When he’s talking to guests he’s more suave and sexy though.

Kai: Genderfluid haha get it because slime fluid-... I’ll stop. Probably objectively the hottest because they can look anyway they want and shift their vocals to sound like almost anything, also probably objectively the best in bed (if you’re okay with the texture of Jell-o) and honestly come on save some for the rest of us it’s not fair. This boy can SING oh my god seranade me and whisper in my ear baby. Spunky and sassy.

Hallvor: BABY OCTOPOD BOY OHHHHH I LOVE HIM HE’S SO SWEET AND IS AN ANGEL DARLING BOY SO EMBARRASSED SO SHY SOFTEST VOICE OHHH- ohhh nooo he’s got a knife ohhhhh Hallvor baby don’t be like that ohhhh... Used to work in hentai actually (I wonder why) but quit because of immoral practices and good for him we love that. Okay he’s not actually a yandere or whatever but he DEFINITELY wants to squeeze you a little too hard and has those crazy eyes.

Carla: Main character of this OHHC monster clone. She sucks I don’t like her because listen listen she kills monsters as a living and when she tries to kill our boys here, Ichabod catches her and goes “no” but then the rest (not knowing her murderous intent) fall in love with her and Ichabod is like: “shoot well I’ll keep you alive and around but I’m watching you” and blah blah romance and feelings and character development and wow she seems like she’s grown to care about them... So Ichabod removes a curse he put to prevent her from harming them or leaving... AND THEN SHE STABS THEM ALL IN THE BACK IM CRYING. I mean she might have an extra reason for needing to kill them but I haven’t decided if I want to actually put it in the story yet so.

Fingertips:

Maria/Marianna: Was this goth angry chick and the head of these losers but after a failed heist, fire, and being betrayed and dropped from a window on a 3rd or 4th story down into flames, and going to the hospital and changing her name, she changed totally and become a soft pretty girl... And then the next three boys went “HEY BOSS WE FOUND YOU” and she went “oh no” and now she’s just an anxious wreck like “no no no no no I don’t shoot people in the face anymore no no no no no” And has a fear of hands. Also was Diamontés best friend in primary school and yes all these characters went to the K-12 school all the other characters do/did. Pretty voice. The story is mostly about her being anxious around all the other characters because who was it that betrayed her and dropped her into the flames below? Find out next week on th-

Nikki: He’s that character that you see and immediately go “oh he’s gross and is angry and is a bitch” and you’re right he is and has a cockney accent and screams a lot and probably swings a knife around a lot, but he’s got a sweet interior (somewhere in there... somewhere) Screamo heavy metal. Him and the rest of these character briefly talked about having a band and then they didn’t and then at the end of the story they do and although he plays guitar mostly, if he does do lead vocals he screams a lot. Bitch.

Anthony: Pretty boy but like the “was in the army” pretty boy vibe. Probably played football in highschool. Pyromaniac. Punches Nikki a lot. Almost gives himbo vibes sometimes, almost. Kind of likes the old timey cozy aesthetic. Plays the piano sometimes but “oh I’m not very good at it” Plays extremely well

Diamonté: TALL. Purple goth boy aesthetic hellll yeahhhh. CRAZY EYES AND THEY SPEAK VOLUMES WATCH OUT. Drums. The scary kind of quiet because he just smiles at you. Crowbar. Okay but he’s actually really sweet though. Secretly loves watching Anthony and Nikki get into fights so that’s why he rarely puts a stop to it. I think he’s a sadist. Can be a gentle giant, but can also be a not so gentle giant. The only time he’s really talkative is after copious amounts of booze.

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: Literally a pimp and he’s pretty gross. Blonde hair and pink and white clothes.

Unnamed/Undesigned 2: Chick that likes to throw knives and be angry and threatens Marianna a lot but in a quiet and monotone way, Marianna is pretty scared and hopes that these are just shallow threats uhhhhh.

Unnamed/Undesigned 3: Sells guns (without a lisence of course) and wears a bandana over his face a lot. Tired. Grumpy.

Unnamed/Undesigned 4: Like Marianna, was cold hearted and cool but then got caught in the fire and got all soft. He only has one eyes but how sweet his eyepatch is a heart. Recoved along side Marianna and they are good friends good friends tha- wait Marianna are you going back with them oh god you can’t do that oh dear oh no oh-

(I don’t have a story or name for these two but they’re my comfort ship OC’s and my current hyper fixaction right now):

Rodriquéz: I literally designed him with almost all the traits I find attractive in a guy other than freckles so as you can imagine I find him super HOT. I also designed his personality on what I find attractive from a guy so as you can imagine I find him super GREAT. But anyways he’s grumpy and closed off and monotone and smug. I really could go on for hours about how I want him to step on me I’m so sorry guys. Both him and Samantha give the “21 and having immature fun” vibes. They’re a thing but they like going to bars together and splitting off and doing their own thing (or doing someone else’s thing if you get what I mean haHhahHhahGahGhaha-) But so help them if anyone doesn’t oblige by the “no” from one of these two, someone’s gonna get beat up.

Samantha: (She literally just my personality shhhhh don’t tell anyone it’s a secret) Bubbly, energetic, a little shy by extroverted, bombshell blonde or something? It took me way too much time and effort to design her but I’m really happy with how I finally designed her, I love her outfit. She could kick me in the face and I’d say thank you. Girly drinks at the bar. Got that trauma and anxiety™️ secretly though. Skips and jumps a lot. As I’m typing this I keep looking up at the drawing of her and more and more I would want her to also step on me.

(Space Story I don’t have a nice title for):

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: So... Funny story this story originally was with me and uh... My ex I guess... So I gotta replace the MC’s... Whoops ahaha... Awkward. But anyways the MC is a robot and a girl and is a slight tsundere or smthn.

Unamed/Undesigned 2: Has a space ship, works for this organization in space that protects the galaxy. Is cocky, lazy, sly, oblivious, and an idiot. The love interest- obviously. Probably accidentally committing space crimes. (Like space pirating hAHAHA-) Kind of cool when he wants to be.

Dandelion/Dandy: CAT. WITH A JET PACK. Kind of an asshole. Fun fact used to be Polli’s cat but then when the Second MC crash landed on earth she was like “fuck this noise I’m going with space boy laterz” (okay she can’t talk but she thought it).

Zizii: Lesbian alien? Yeah???? Okay but I mean her main character trait is being a dorky back alley doctor and engineer obsessed with the MC because they’re a sentient robot with emotions and a lazer arm and rocket boots WOW!!!!!!!!

Story I want to revive:

So I had a story I started writing a long time ago about this tech theatre kid that had a crush on this other theatre kid character, but in a play that other character has to kiss another person for the show, and as the story progresses the MC convinces themselves that it isn’t just a play and that their crush actually loves and is kissing that other kid. And in the play, that other character is supposed to die. Show night comes along and they die, but like actually, and by the hands of the MC (Idk maybe like a light falls on em or smthn). So it’s a grotesque scene the audience sees as just an act. (Mutters I dunno I think my idea’s cool...) So I’ve been wanting to design these characters and work more on the story but I’m busy being obsessed with Rodriquez and Samantha so. (And the Horror Host Club too I love them too still).

Other Characters that either don’t have a specific story or are kind of like background characters:

Jacqueiliquinne Merril: Sara Berry vibes from 35mm (go look up The Ballad of Sara Berry, maybe like an animatic idk the first one that comes up is nice) But otherwise rich, pretty, popular, bitch. Tries to like, steal Louise from his squad and it’s like bro that’s unnecessary who hurt you that’s so rude. She gives Nui from Kill La Kill Vibes too. Oh she knows her name is long and annoying but you have to say the whole thing.

Brianna: Jaqueiliquinne’s sister. Big titty goth gf??? She’s pretty popular too and kind of a bitch too but to a much lesser degree. Her and he sister throw hands a lot when no one is around, you know, “THEY GIRLS ARE FIGHTINNGGGG”.

The Louise Fan Club: 4 characters I haven’t named yet. One writes fanfiction of Louise and shares it with the others and with him sometimes and although he thinks it’s a bit weird he also finds it a tad endearing and supports her. One is an aspiring photographer and is constantly asking Louise to model for him. One is an artist and draws Louise all the time. And one is an aspiring musician who writes songs based of Louise’s relationships which again he finds a little weird but endearing and supports her.

The Jacquiliquinne Merril Fan Club: Genderbent-ish (I say ish because one of the characters is a little bit less defined gender wise) versions of the Louise Fan Club. Yes I’m lazy, and no they don’t get along with them, infact they hate each others club with a passion. 

Unnamed/Undesigned: I wanna make some hacker kid just because I wanna have one.

Unnamed/Undesigned: I also really wanna have a super cutesy magical girl and then a really super duper generic boring character probably like star vs the forces of evil idk I never watched that show but it looks cute.

Me: I exist in the universe fukc you I can do what I want it’s my story and I get to chose the who also if you wanna be in the mess of a universe go ahead draw yourself with my OC’s I allow and encourage and appreciate it. I literally made the Horror Host Club as a sort of Harem story and you are absolutely allowed to make out with them if you’re a monster fucker DO it GO ahead it’s canon.

and that is ALL I have FOR now Knowing me I’ll make like 12 more characters by July, and I mean I need more characters for the high school anyways so...

[goodluckbabe2024]

my friend i am here with the self insert oc sam parallel episode, i have a history exam tomorrow and i refuse to revise in favor of writing this. let me take you on a journey.

this is very self indulgent and spans kind of the entirety of the series (because im nosy and want to be involved in every cool plot) so im not gonna embarrass myself OR bore you but the general gist of the first episode is this:

i am an 18yr old psychic kid raised by a hunter, meeting the boys in s2 through a “my father was also murdered by a ghost of his past”, except he did not immediately assume i am the antichrist while i was an infant and raised me relatively normal, thus demonstrating that john winchester was a fucked up parent because he allowed himself to be.

i am what sam could’ve been and he is once again reminded that all he ever wanted was to be normal and loved and how that was taken away from him, unfairly. he is angry. he is jealous. he feels bad about being jealous because “her dad’s dead, what the fuck,man”. he wants me to be ok, ultimately, ofc he does, but he doesn’t understand why i got it, why he didn’t, why couldn’t john do it. this serves as more material for soul-searching bc i am a firm believer that understanding the circumstances of abuse and neglect and wrapping ur head around them helps lift the guilt we often burden ourselves with: it’s not that if sam had been a better son john would have loved him more, it’s that john refused to look at sam for what sam really was: a child wracked by generational trauma and unprocessed grief, whose autonomy was violated before he could say his first word, in need of love, and chose to instead look at sam through his own grief muddied goggles and link him to mary’s death. insane how this is turning into sam analysis isn’t it.

i am also angry because im still sort of a child but not really, not anymore, im on the cusp of adulthood and going into it knowing that the world is unfair and hateful, grief is written all over me and sam thinks oh nono, because hope’s kind of the whole point isn’t it, and i had it and now it has been taken from me along with my parent and sam feels so alone and furious with everything, he’s plagued by skull cracking demonic visions, and he doesn’t want this idealized version of himself to ultimately end up like the version of himself that he is now, the one he doesn’t understand, the one he’s afraid of. he’s looking in a weird funhouse mirror, sees a kid who was different like he was but was cherished, and sees her end up in the same position he is now: fatherless, on a quest for revenge. he thinks that if we get the monster of the week, ill be better and he’ll find his hope in that. all roads lead to rome but he wont allow this one to reach the colosseum (defying destiny theme, hello).

the monster of the week hunt begins thusly, with sam generally uncomfortable. i confide in him about my psychic abilities and i explain to the brothers that i can help. both are opposed, but i am a chaotic little bitch and get involved anyway. throughout my involvement, sam learns more about the world of psychic mediums and thinks aha! hope! maybe if i dig deep enough (whore for lore amirite babes) ill find someone who’s lived an experience similar to mine! miss oc what are ur book recs for “i think i am psychic and terrified of it” and i say “fear not nerd have a very small cup of coffee and let me tell you about this great college course on divination”. this is relevant because i wanted to see more of sam desperately trying to fit into some sort of community, even a community of supernatural folk john and dean might’ve disapproved of, and finding that, at this point in time, he does not. he’s an outsider to normal people, he’s an outsider to those in contact with the paranormal. really hammer in that freak (affectionate) tagline. (he WILL build a safe haven in the men of letters bunker for all misfits in his adulthood, party city wig sam i do NOT perceive you)

the hunt culminates in an impressive showdown that includes the following: pyrotechnics, a cool spell, seeing things that aren’t really there, the power of friendship and a butter knife thrown like a frisbee. at the end we all look like final girls because im gay so blood is sexy. sam, who has come to regard me like a younger sibling/some sort of manifestation of his inner child, learns what it’s like to be deeply concerned with a youth’s safety and has a heart to heart with dean about how yeah, handling a teenager with incredible amounts of simmering rage and unprocessed grief while being barely equipped for any guardian-like role IS hard, man, is this what it felt like every time i busted out a batshit plan last minute and barely executed it in time to survive??? “yeah. bitch” “jerk.”

the epilogue is as follows: we see sam feeling many complicated things, but he is satisfied for the moment. we have a little heart to heart while laying flowers on my father’s grave. we both look a little worse for wear, but hopeful. “what’re you gonna do now?” “im not sure. college, maybe?” we keep in touch. i go on to art school and make homoerotic art pieces, as is my right. i make guest appearances whenever they need a deus ex machina bs spell to get out of trouble.

maybe in later seasons i go a little ape shit and commit some magical atrocities in the name of the greater good. maybe i get a little antagonized and he gets to offer me the understanding he couldn’t get when he needed it. i see you, sam, treating all misfits in later seasons with kindness, and i offer you a claire-like parallel to be there for through the tough times, thus healing some of your own wounds. everyone deserves an angsty wlw teenager to bond with . (i am only on season 9 of my rewatch and i have not seen seasons 12-15 in their entirety, if he does get one im not disrespecting that character and i love them probably)

the boys hit the road. vienna by billy joel plays, because it makes me feel things.

Slow down you're doing fine

You can't be everything you want to be before your time

Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight

Too bad, but it's the life you lead

You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need

Though you can see when you're wrong

You know you can't always see when you're right

You got your passion, you got your pride

But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?

Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true

When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

end scene.

this is poetry. i will cherish this forever thank you for sharing with me and good luck on your exam

[budugaapologist]

when you are reading this rant take full offense its 2am here and im mad as hell

fair warning this post is long as fuck and has several arguments pertaining to specific peeves i need to rant about before i go crazy. if you're not interested just keep scrolling it's not hard it's literally the core of social media navigation

you know what? ima say it.

black flag is the best ac game and deserves more recognition than just pirate drinking jokes because:

nearly every named character (sorry burgess and cockram) has development and personalities. cant say that for that many others in other games.

not too much fucking shit to do in it (unlike uhhhhhhhh every fucking other game in the franchise. stop it. i dont need 500 treasure chests in arno's game he already has an excellent revenue with the cafe. i dont need a ton of side quests. i dont need 30+ chests per london burough. i dont need a million question marks on my map. i dont need all of egypt or greece to be littered with shit to do. fuck this.).

unlocking shit is so much easier. edward knows where every treasure chest is and doesnt pay for treasure maps. and literally unlocking shit is so much easier.

base is slept on. its fucking cool. its fucking fun. its fucking useful as shit. its fucking pretty as all hell. fuck you.

good story, fun story, great dlc, relatable story (unless youre some bootlicking cowardly rich cunt) emotional story but not depressing (unity im looking at your ending. origins stop killing children.), satisfying end.

i can do the combat with one hand. you know what that means? i can eat and drink without pausing. i can reply to text messages without pausing. i can pet my dogs and cats while playing.

main character actually has changed by the end of the game a vast amount. motherfucker, edward changed more in his antó mission than ezio did in his trilogy.

if you dont complete all objectives you still have a passing score on the mission. do you know what its like to be raised to only get good grades on stuff and see yourself getting a 60% on a thing thats supposed to be a pass time just because you forgot something.

the naval combat isnt hard you just need practice. also i know the hunter ship sucks in the first mission you encounter but literally drop your sails but hold the wheel. once its in view let go. swim to it. take out the crew. swim back. bada bing bada boom go oneshot the crew. incredible, you're safe now.

legendary ship battles are really fucking cool and my mom doesnt yell at me for killing a giant beast for next to nothing.

the sea shanties and tavern songs slap.

farm animal petting simulator. not forced to kill dogs (ac3, odyssey).

obviously its good if the other games are just gonna copy paste it.

ed's tattoos are sick.

edward is literally the first canon bisexual. he literally says so in game. he literally fucking flirts with blackbeard. he literally was a pirate. why the fuck do you think birate is such an accurate pun.

diving outfit.

thicc.

the female characters dont have titties all over the place. even anne's boobs arent that big, which is good considering she is underage. the same cannot be said for many of the women in ezio's games.

guess who has a solid, interesting, and realistic personality. not kassandra or alexios thats for sure.

he is NOT moved by man pain (ezio, connor, bayek) to carry out his missions. he didn't want to be poor, he wanted to be able to provide for his family. he is just carrying out his dream to sail a ship. when he starts being "good", he is doing it out of guilt and shame on his past self (what, self reflection? someone, teach jacob this term), not because "wahh my girlfriend/mom/child/family died :'(", he wanted to make it up to his lost friends by making them proud and doing what they wished he had done. his regrets are in not being a better friend while mary was alive, not seeking out her killers (guards at fort). thatch's death crushed him, but he didn't thrust his anger on seeking revenge. and the characters that did die? they had personalities and development and were interesting and memorable. i cant tell you shit about cristina.

he is very respecting of women, especially for a white guy from the 1600s. he, as a teenager (under 17 i believe), attempted to save a woman he did not know and had no intentions of wooing (hey um ezio? you literally only were able to save cristina from being raped because you stalked her because you thought she was attractive. like thanks for saving her but uhh am i the only one that finds that creepy?) even though the odds of winning against three older men were stacked against him and he knew they could (and almost did) beat him to death. fuck if caroline wasnt there he would've been killed.

the modern day stuff is an excellent way to separate intense scenes and the little mini hacking games are fun puzzles. oh boohoo desmond isn't there? yes he was, half the things you hack literally give you desmond content.

rebecca's outfit fucking slaps.

from experience, its fun to play even if you dont know shit about the other ac games. pirates are cool and the story is easy to follow, just be prepared to find some of the other endings big letdowns or lots of the other games' missions boring.

is that fanservice that goes both ways but doesnt oversexualize any gender? why yes, it is!

stop reducing black flag to alcoholism jokes like yall constantly fucking do, it has so many other talking points and if you wanna make fun of something maybe choose something that isnt addiction. literally i make fun of edward constantly without pointing out his alcoholism it isnt that hard. if you're gonna make fun of edward for drinking rum when water in the 1700s often wasnt safe and making fun of him when he was depressed (he has multiple other intended self harming behaviors shown in game so no, he wasnt just drinking because its fun), why don't i see the same "wHy is aLL tHe WiNE gONe?" posts for arno? he was an alcoholic too. in fact arno and edward have a lot of the same forms of depression but oh, arno's a more serious character personality wise and isn't a pirate so his grieving isn't as funny.

and like, there are plenty of other things to make fun of with edward that might not make light of alcoholism because no, edward's drinking in the main story was not written to be a joke. here, a list of things i regularly make fun of him for:

this highwaisted man's got feminine hips

there is no reason for him to be that thicc

his bangs are a mess

his hair???? glows???? okay rapunzel.

his tatts that are just lines

actually you know what his tatts in general what do they mean ubisoft what even language are the words on his body in

how this whore opens the bottled messages on the beach. "ah yes, let me put this mysterious item in my mouth. i have no idea where its been. i could very well open it to read a note that says "i pissed on this""

"woman i just met... must respect her.. man i just met... im either going to give you a death threat, tease you, or flirt... sometimes multiple choices will be done......"

i mean he had the full right to be a bastard to walpole on the beach since he did try to be friendly but walpole was being to bitchy and needy. and like them being stranded wasnt edward's fault but walpole was still gonna make him build a ship and there is no reason for edward to trust walpole since after they get to havana he can easily just be like "thats a pirate, hang him." but like. the way he just immediately decides to steal his identity. legend.

why does he just blindly follow older men's orders like that

he trims his beard to a very odd location. i know it isn't a flattering pose but like. look at the underside of his jaw.

"how many references to dog behavior can we put in one character"

phobia of sleeping in a bed

"you saved my life i am eternally grateful."

edward are you seriously arguing with your eight year old daughter about the difference between a boat and a ship

where are your tanlines

how did he not die of skin cancer first

edward probably doesnt have any body hair because ubisoft didnt want his legs to glow in the dark too

look at his marooned outfit. bitch what the fuck is on your shirt. and where are your hair ties.

his dramatic beauty guru smokey eyes

he held that sword by the blade in the single madman quest. wh

anyway, the long run of this is, if you're gonna reblog an edward post from me specifically to make fun of an overused joke, go fuck yourself.

[dayasbun]

Fame - Angus Cloud (5)

Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.

Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5 {reading now}

-

You woke up to an empty bed and cold covers. With a sigh you sat up, wondering where Storm and Z had gone. Grabbing your phone, you shook your head as you read the messages on your home screen.

Babygirl Z <3: Yoooo so we dipped cuz Angus's weird-ass kinda threatened us to gtfo out cuz he wanted to spend time w you but don't tell him I told you that, I don't wanna deal w him

Lil storm!: i think the hood boy in love with you or sum- it's weird.

Angus ☁️: you free today? i got some plans for us so if you ain't you free now

Angus ☁️: i'm playin btw like if you ain't free i can change shit around

You giggled as you heard your nails click against the phone's screen as you sent responses.

-mhm i'll act like i never saw this...have a good day of filming gorgeous <3

-see storm, i highly disagree

-i'm free :) is this a date mr cloud? don’t forget we have filming today

You got up brushing your teeth and washing your face. You waited for Angus's response before picking an outfit for the day, and instead decided on making breakfast for now.

Babygirl Z <3: thanks lovely same to you!!!

Lil storm! laughed at your message

Angus ☁️: shittttt ion know maybe- n yeah ik

-i'm making breakfast, come over if you want

Angus ☁️: food?? i'm already on the way

-my trailer door is unlocked so just come in

A few minutes later you heard the heavy trailer door creak open. You flipped a pancake before turning around and facing the taller man in front of you. "Gooooood morning- you look so tired?"

"Damn, thanks Y/N you look great too!" Angus said sarcastically rolling his eyes.

"Boy, I'm kidding." You grinned wrapping your arms around his waist "How'd you sleep?"

"I slept ight, you? Any dream-"

"SHUTUP!"

"I was just checking damn, just checking!"

You let off the hug and walked back over to the stove turning off the burners. "Okay, done! Pancakes and eggs- and fruit! Can't beat that." You made both you and Angus a plate and sat them down on the small table.

You both ate with smiles on your faces, talking the whole time. You learned some more about Angus and his past, and he learned more about you and what you want your future to be like. You couldn't help but laugh when he spotted a carton of store-bought sugar cookies on your counter and insisted he eat at least five. You didn't deny his request, so he polished them off with the rest of his pancakes.

As soon as the breakfast came to a close, both of your phones dinged at the exact same time.

"That's strange," You said picking up the electrical device. You quickly unlocked it as your eyes scanned the screen, and when you finished you immediately looked up at Angus. From the look on his face, you could tell that he clearly had finished reading the message as well.

"So…" he said quietly.

"Yeah."

"Yep."

The text message wasn't too big of a deal, just a simple message from Mary of a suddenly new shooting schedule. You weren't worried until you reached the paragraph that made very clear that instead of shooting you and Angus's sex scenes next week, or possibly two weeks away, they would be shot tomorrow and for the rest of the week.

Shooting the scenes wasn't exactly the problem, it was the caliber of the scenes that you two would be shooting that was the problem. Also the fact- that though there isn't much talking during the sex scenes- you would have to memorize the lines of the new episode. Even though you and Angus were more comfortable with each other, sex scenes were not anything that you two were ready for, you guys hadn't even kissed yet, whether that was a real kiss, or a kiss practicing for the scene.

"I think we need practice."

"I agree."

"So uh..." He turned red as he picked at his nails.

You let out a sigh. "Okay so look. Basically, the scene just consists of me being naked, you being naked as well, but they're going to jimmy rig something so that obviously we aren't actually doing it. Mary told me in my message that I would have some type of pad over my you know what, and you would have some type of cup on."

"But-"

"I'm not done, wait. There are covers over us; so even though I have to give the effect of riding you, I'll just kind of be awkwardly rubbing my padded- you- know- what up against the cup."

"Okay, don't we make out before?"

"Yeah, we do." You stood up and rinsed off the plates. After placing them in the dishwasher, you turned back to your male co-star. "Okay, so it's about 11 AM right now. If we practice our lines, make out some, and I awkwardly ride you clothed in my bed, I think we should be fine..what about your plans?" You asked softly.

"It’s ight, they can wait. But there's another scene- where I smash you from the back. That's the part where I gotta show my cheeks man, damn I don't wanna show my cheeks!"

You laughed a bit "You'll be fine... tomorrow we'll be shooting probably just making out, then the next day the riding scene, and then the day after that more. And I know this seems kind of shitty, but if you read over other peoples paragraphs besides just ours, a lot of their sex scenes were moved up too, and some of the pairings are a bit weird and unexpected."

"Okay let's stop talking about it and just do it."

You nodded and silently walked into your small bedroom, sitting on the messy bed. You hadn't made it because, well you didn't exactly expect to have Angus in your bedroom, let alone to do this.

"So..."

You turned to look at him with a raised brow, "What?"

"So imma kiss you."

Why did that one sentence make your heart. Skip. So. Many. Fucking. Beats.

"Yeah well, that's what the script says right?"

He nodded and licked his lips. "Come get on my lap."

"Why? That's not in the-"

"It'll be more comfortable, especially if we doing this for a minute."

You took in a breath as you went over and straddled his lap, your legs around his waist, and your arms resting comfortably on his shoulders, wrapping around his neck.

You looked into his eyes, and god they were just gorgeous. "Angus.." You said softly.

"Yeah?"

And for .2 seconds you actually debated telling him- telling him that when you kissed him, you didn't want it just to be practice for the show. Telling him that you felt like you lived for the nights that he would facetime you and tell you dumbest shit that would just have you dead tired the next day. Telling him how much he made you laugh, and how it made you so unbearably happy every time you saw his name and knew it was the cause of your phone screen lighting up. Making sure he knew that the past 2 months of your life had gotten so much brighter just because of him.

You didn't though.

But if you had? He would've told you how he felt the exact same way. He would tell you how he loved how your eyes sparkle in the sunlight, how he loved how your nose scrunched up when you laughed. About how you were the only person who would listen to his dumb Mandela effects, even though he knew you didn't believe in all of them. And how it made him blush every time you sent him a mirror selfie on Snapchat for your streak- which he always lost.

But neither of you said anything.

Instead, you made out for a full 32 minutes with absolutely no passion, no lust, no nothing. Too scared to open up to the other due to the fear of rejection.

Until he got hard.

Again.

And that was your little 'ding!' to let you know yet again, 'he wants you.'

So your hips began to move {finally, after 32 minutes of dead nothingness} and you and Angus's lips began to fight for dominance. His hands moved from being awkwardly placed on your sides to under your shirt on your waist. Feeling his hands on your bare skin, you let out a soft moan into his mouth- which you could tell completely caught him off guard.

"Fuck you moaning for?" He teased, still not letting off of the kiss.

"For you."

He bit your lip causing you to moan yet again, your hips still bucking against his hard-on- holy fuck that felt a lot better than it should've. You grinned a bit as you felt his beard brush against your face.

"God. you're so hot."

'Oh my god' you thought, 'It's happening.'

"Baby, I have nothing on you." You replied seductively, sliding your hand down from his shoulder to his crotch.

"Fuck Jess..."

You grinned as he- wait what?

Jess- right, your characters name. Reel it in, you told yourself. This is just acting, nothing more. Just acting. Though you stayed into it, something about him calling you Jess turned you off a bit. After 10 more minutes or so you stopped, getting off of his lap and sitting on the side of him.

“Wel-”

“Yeah, that was good!” You quickly cut him off. “I definitely think our awkwardness has melted away a bit.”

“But don’t you wanna talk-” 

“We have some scenes to film at 1, its 12:30 right now so we should head to wardrobe.”

Angus looked at you with a confused expression on his face, but just nodded slowly and stood up following you out.

All you two had to film was the scene of you coming back, so it was a calm and chill collection of scenes to go through. Everything ran smoothly, and by the time you two were done around 9PM, you were as tired as could be.

“You're such a good fucking actress Y/N.” Angus complimented you as you two walked back to his trailer. He offered you to stay over for the night- just to sleep of course- and you couldn't reject the offer even if you wanted to- which you didn't want to. “Thank you,” you replied softly. “You’re quite talented as well.”

“Nah girl, I'm just being me.”

You two went into his warm trailer talking of filming the scenes, and how tired you both were. You both tried to avoid the topic of the scenes you had to film tomorrow and for the rest of the week; though you were supposedly ready, it was a strangely sore topic.

Soon showers were taken, clothes were changed, and all that was left to do was cuddle.

Angus flipped off the lights and then crawled into the bed with you. You moved closer to him, listening to his rapid heartbeat as you traced hearts on his chest. “Night Redhead.” you said softly, placing a kiss against his cheek.

“Goodnight Mamas.”

And as you lay next to him listening to his light snores, you thought about something. You thought about how though today had been so amazing, and finally, you felt as though the awkwardness had melted away… it was all acting.

Angus didn't like you; that's what you told yourself. Any man would get hard if an attractive woman was sitting on his lap, so that was self-explanatory. Any man would call you baby during a heated moment, any man would talk dirty to you in a heated moment. And a good man like Angus would always make you feel comfortable when you practiced for a scene- that's all he was doing, he wanted you to feel comfortable.

You couldn't be hurt about the situation, the whole point of doing any of that was just practicing for the scenes. And after all, Angus called you Jess, not Y/N.

But at the same time, a little part of you wouldn't stop screaming that you really really really wished he had said your name instead. A little part of you-

Your thoughts were interrupted by the soft glow of your phone lighting up along with a light vibration. A smile appeared on your face as you saw who the message was from.

Babygirl Z <3: GIRL

Babygirl Z <3: BABES ARE YOU UP??!

-yeah you okay? what's wrong?

Babygirl Z <3: shit I'm sorry but i have to tell you this

-what's wrong????? are you okay?

Babygirl Z <3: I'm fine but

-?????

Babygirl Z <3: fuck don't hate me ily okay this is for the best just remember that

-Z get to the point...

Babygirl Z <3: okay so...storm and i just did some digging and

-and?

Babygirl Z <3: and we think Angus got a girl back @ home

-

taglist:

@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins @patientplum @babygurlbarnes

[sebbybooks]

Beautiful Sinners (PT5)

Sebastian Stan x Fanfiction

Warnings: smut, language 

“He’s slowly carving his name 

into my heart and it hurts.”-K.C

Ella’s

POV

Growing up I would hear the saying if life gives you lemons make lemonade. Meaning despite the shitty predicament find a way to turn it into a positive. I was starting to wonder if my lemons came in the form of good looking guys strapped with explosives on standby ready to shake up my life any time they felt like it. After the smoke settles and I can somewhat see clearly somewhere down the line it ends up being my fault, because right now I couldn’t seem to stop falling into the wrong hands. Sebastian’s hands felt like a fiery trap and I was the naive moth aimlessly headed towards him. 

As I guided Sebastian through the apartment lobby I made a beeline for the elevator careful to not draw a scene. I was still getting used to my temporary living situation and I didn’t want to cause trouble for my friends Matt and Greta. Looking at myself from another perspective due my sleep attire and Sebastian’s current state of inebriation we looked like a one night stand gone wrong. I rapidly pushed the arrow going up on the elevator cursing myself for my mother always having to be right. Her words from years ago echoed in my head as I crossed into the threshold entering the elevator with a silent Sebastian trailing behind me. I stared at the numbers as the floors went up  watching as it grew higher and higher all the while hearing my mother’s shrill voice on loop in my ears taking me back to the place I used to hate. To me memories are a blessing and a curse. There are some you pray never fade away and others you spend your entire like hoping like hell to forget.  

 “Do you find enjoyment embarrassing me all the time Ella? Can’t you see that your actions make me look bad! You and your sister are always inviting trouble into your life like it is second nature to you.”

I didn’t realize I was in a trance until I felt a gentle hand press over my shoulder. Startled by his act of kindness my head snapped towards him only to see a pair of warm eyes filled with a genuine look of concern. Even with short tousled hair and a hooded stare he was still as irresistible and very much still unattainable as he was a few hours ago. Nothing within that brief window of time had changed that. My mind was filled with thoughts that darted between lust and heartache that I’d give anything to shut off. I hated that my body and brain refused to work together whenever I got near Sebastian. I took his actions as a platonic and completely friendly gesture, yet such a simple act made my skin grow hot under his touch. I started to feel heat everywhere. The phantom feeling traveled all over my body and suddenly I wasn’t that cold anymore. I was burning up and I needed to get away from him to salvage what decency and self respect I had left.

 It was a cheap thrill that excited me and angered me all at once. I would be lying to myself if I said I didn’t harbor any feelings for him. Though when I looked at him all I could see was Mary, then I immediately pictured my ex boyfriend Nate having carnal sex with her in our bed.Then the guilt and pain would shortly begin to consume me. I couldn’t seem to stop going through with this cycle of torment. For. Fucks. Sake!  Did that make me a masochist? 

“You must have selective amnesia.” I said to him to fill the silence between us. 

“What makes you say that?” Sebastian shoved his hands in his tailored pockets and I forced myself not to stare at the tight fit.

“Because that shit show of a party ended hours ago. You should be back in your home, but here you are….again.” I smiled at him sarcastically.

 I stared back into his gaze as if his face held all the answers that I needed.

Standing on the other side of the elevator facing me, Sebastian cocked his head to the side as if it wasn’t obvious. He sucked in a ragged breath, before letting out a dry laugh resting the back of his head on the wall. “Maybe I’m just having a hard time pulling myself away.” For a split second our eyes mirrored the same agony. Only his flash of doubt looked as if he had made a grave error by coming back here. 

I forced my eyelids shut and inhaled deeply. What was I to say to that? Thank you? I’m flattered? Do you also tell your fiancée the same? Instead I ended up choosing the latter. Exhaling a pent up sigh I finally told him what I was going to do once we got upstairs. “As soon as we get in there I'm going to call you a cab I just need an address so the driver knows where to take you.”

Sebastian smiled wryly. "1500 S Purgatory Lane the zip code is 666"

“That is not funny." I lied. Living with Mary I wouldn’t picture anything less but the ongoing flames of hell.

The door to the elevator finally pinged opened and I couldn’t be more ecstatic to be headed back to the apartment. Though my elation only lasted for a millisecond. I could already picture the interrogation from my friends if they were to see us.  My answers would unintentionally come out sounding vague, because truth was I didn’t know why he came back. 

Just as I turned my head to tell Sebastian to not make a sound when we got inside I saw that he was leaning against the tattered tan wall a few paces behind me. I thought about rushing inside and locking the door to pretend that I imagined him. A sexy figment of my imagination I might add. The idea of Sebastian alone clearly not in the best state plagued my conscience and since I wasn’t heartless I realized I couldn’t leave him standing out there alone. Torn, I removed the hair tie from my wrist and pulled my hair up out of my face as I walked over to him.

“You and Greta need to lay off the booze for a while if it hits you this hard.” I inwardly cringed at my terrible attempt to make light of this confusing situation. I coughed out a nervous laugh. 

“I got to see to you again, so it can’t be that bad despite its very questionable taste.” He replied, his voice came out in a deep husky rasp, that sent my hormones into overdrive. We stared at each other for a few short seconds both unsure of what was going to happen next. Our energy was a like seesaw it continuously went up and down. Right now it was way, way up. For the record I’ll admit in that moment I did not want to come down. “Let's get you inside.” My voice cracked.

Sebastian shook his head slowly in agreement before his gaze raked over my body like I was some delicious dessert and he was a man who was dying of hunger. He stepped closer to me causing our chest to come in close contact. We were flush against each other. I could feel the warmth of his body roll off of him and land directly onto me. No thanks to thin silk night top I was wearing that I was pretty sure was not doing a good job hiding the visible outline of my breast.

If the timing was right I would have wanted nothing more than to dissolve into him completely. By now I thought I would be repelled by this feeling, but it only heightened the longer I stayed around Sebastian. It was an exhilarating rush knowing that my figuratively dead heart could beat like this again. I felt an electric pulse sensually flow through me. My tongue went utterly dry, causing the sensation in my throat to feel like I had swallowed a shit ton of cotton balls. I had to lick my lips to coax moisture back into my mouth. “Do you think you can walk on your own from here?” I said as I backed up to put space between us. It was becoming  pure unadulterated agony being this close to Sebastian.

“I’m sure I can manage.”Sebastian said as he cleared his throat. I wasn’t too convinced, but I wasn’t going to check either. 

When I reached the door to the apartment I instantly felt regret that I had left it unlocked. I stopped thinking altogether when I got the text from Sebastian. I wrapped my hand around the doorknob carefully opening it so that it wouldn’t set off any alarms. I shot Sebastian a warning glance as I pushed in the door. “Don’t talk.” The last thing I needed was to wake up a hungover Greta and a pissed off boyfriend to match. 

“What happens if we are caught?” Sebastian’s eyes danced with amusement, evidently ignoring the first rule.

“Nothing would happen, because we have nothing to hide.” I said matter of factly to Sebastian, who obviously by now could smell bullshit from miles away. “Why are you back here Sebastian?” 

“I needed to hear the rest of the turtle story.”

“Im being serious right now Sebastian.” 

“So am I Ella.” Sebastian whispered back as he lowered his chin, titling his head slightly to get a better view of my face. He was challenging me. I knew deep down in my gut if I told Sebastian I was uncomfortable with him being here. There was no doubt in my mind that he wouldn't hesitate to leave. In actuality I felt the opposite, it was strange seeing him again. Right now I was trying to decipher if that feeling was a good one.  We were standing in the middle of the entryway of the apartment and I didn’t know where the hell to go from here.

“Mary is having a baby. Your Baby.” The words burst out of me painstakingly slow before I could stop myself. The air between us finally started to crack. Sebastian stiffened under my statement. It wasn’t that hard to figure out by seeing her again tonight. Despite her treating this place and my friends like we were all beneath her, that was nothing new. Mary didn’t touch any of the alcohol and it was out of character to see her eat so many mini turkey meatballs and pigs in a blanket. Plus she took a thousand and one bathroom breaks and her form fitting assemble didn’t hide her growing baby bump.

"She cheated on me." He enunciated. A shocked expression registered over my face.  Before I could have time to process it all or even have time to blink Sebastian's voice cut through my thoughts. “And I think you and I both know who it was with.” 

“Am I to just believe Mary just confessed all of that to you?” I asked hesitantly. 

“After I left here tonight it wasn’t that hard to wrap my head around why Mary was so surprised that I knew you. Your boyfriend was Nathaniel Cooper am I right?”

“Nate.” I corrected.My heart suddenly clenched up like a tight fist was forming around it squeezing it tightly to remind me that it was still fragile from what he put me through. Nate was an enigma from the start and I was too blind to even see what was right in front of me. He rarely talked about his family or brought me around them. All I knew was his mother remarried a corporate attorney who had more money and power than King Midas ever did. When the question of introducing me to his parents came up his defense was that I hadn’t introduce him to my parents either. I had my reasons and he clearly had his. Nate made our relationship feel so clandestine and  turns out it was it because he was reenacting scenes right out of a V.C Andrews novel with his step sister. 

“What did you ever see in that narcissistic prick anyway?  I know opposites attract but on the rare occasion I’m forced around him Cooper is nothing shy of being a  piece of shit.”

“You said it yourself you barely know him.” I point out feeling defensive towards Nate. I should have felt indifferent towards him. I cried over him till I hated him. I did love Nate and it wasn’t too long ago.Sebastian flinched and rocks backward on his heel moving farther away from me. The apartment was so small I was practically standing in the kitchen and he was already half way into the living room. “You’re defending him now?” 

“No.” I say softly, wishing I could shout it if that made him believe me. Exhaling a deep breath, “But it if I was what gives you the right to judge me?” 

“I’m not judging you Ella. I just don’t get why you would do it in the first place. Do you not remember you were seconds away from leaving behind the life you built here, your job and your friends. All thanks to who?“ 

“What about you huh? You live in this constant state of misery all because you’re getting married? You walk around with this big ass chip on your shoulder and the solution to your problem is so simple. If you don’t want to marry her then don’t! No one is forcing you to do it. It would sure as hell make you stop acting like a hot headed asshole and maybe then you’ll stop thinking it’s ok to show up at my doorstep whenever  it conveniences you.” For a split second I had forgotten that it was almost four in the morning and that I was suppose to be keeping the volume to a bare minimum.  The frustration inside of me that I kept bottled up festered to the point even I couldn’t contain it any longer. I was growing impatient. A few seconds dragged on by before he spoke up.

“My situation is complicated.” Sebastian’s jaw ticks. Four words was all that I got from him. 

“It’s complicated.” I repeated, swallowing my anger and feeling like I was at the end of my rope with this guy. He was a curiosity I was having a hard time figuring out. “Is that all I get?” I shrug my shoulders defeatedly as I stared at the outline of Sebastian’s back as he turned away from me.  He didn’t say anything. I opened my mouth to let out a scream that never came. Our unlikely friendship puzzled my brain because I asked myself how well did I really know him? From the start he didn’t exactly know me either. If anyone was to ask me a personal question especially about my past all I avoided it at all cost.  I was aware that I was giving him a hard time and I wasn’t fully sure if he deserved it or not. 

At the time I couldn’t comprehend the muddled emotions I felt for him. It wasn’t like the fluttering feeling of butterflies you get when you see someone you wanted or wished you could have. With him it was like dangerous  fireworks going off in my chest. First the subtle crackle to warn me, to tell me to run away before it all combust, until it is too late. The sparks are always beautiful at first, until it sizzles out and fades into nothingness. Fireworks were meant to only be a temporary enjoyment and I wasn’t looking for love.  

“Well, now this is just awkward especially with you just standing there like the creepy  Montresor and I’m the unsuspecting Fortunato unable to foresee my fate. Though I highly doubt you took my tantrum to heart and now feel insulted. It’s not like you did anything terrible, your wings are still intact.” My words hung in the air above us like a cumulonimbus cloud threatening to unleash its downpour. 

Sebastian turns back around swiftly. The look he has in his eye sends a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach and I am forcing myself to believe it is the ridiculous amount of sugar I ate that’s affecting me, and not Sebastian. 

Tugging at his hair, he walked back in to the space of the kitchen. God this place really was small. “Just so we are clear my wings got ripped off long before I met you.”  Mine were long gone too, I said only to myself. I should have asked Sebastian what he meant, instead I had to eventually learn it the hard way. 

Clearing my throat I motioned my hands towards the kitchen. “Do you need anything like aspirin, water, the hair of the dog?” My voiced trailed off, tasting the bitter irony settling in. The Porter women in my family were all the same. We’d cut you with glass then tend to your wound afterward. 

“You’re offering to fix me a Bloody Mary? So you do have a sense of humor after all.”Sebastian’s lips slightly curved upward, shocking my heart back to life.

“Something like that.” I say. If this was flirting then yep I was still awful at it. In my defense I had been out of practice. As I was about to head into the kitchen to keep myself occupied and away from unholy thoughts that kept creeping into my head. Just as I turned my body to move away from him, Sebastian caught my wrist in his hand. It didn’t alarm me in the least bit. I stared down in the dark at his fingers carefully wrapped around it holding onto to it like a lifeline. 

Lifting my head to face him. I was surprised I was even able to say a one syllable word. “Yeah?”

“You still haven't done it.”Sebastian lowered his tone and the intensity never leaving his gaze.It only took Sebastian a couple of measly steps to just about close the gap between us. We always happened to find ourselves so close that we were practically about to kiss.I could already taste the moisture from his mouth onto my tongue. It was a mixture of Greta's cheap cherry wine and something entirely different. Something I wanted more of that only Sebastian could supply.

Sebastian's

POV

My goddamn voice was starting to not even sound like my own. It sounded guttural and like I was suffering from dehydration. I waited for any indication of her not wanting me standing here. At first Ella doesn’t say a word to me. Her honeyed color eyes slowly moved from my face to where I was holding her. I immediately let go of her wrist terrified that I was making matters worse. I didn’t come here for sex. I just wanted Ella in whatever form she gave me. I wanted her to know that I still had redeeming qualities and that I wasn’t always this fucked up. Showing up to women’s doorstep in the ass crack of dawn usually wasn’t my style. None of it mattered though because there were clearly two people holding us back. Yet they are the very who always get what they want so why can’t that be us?

“What are you talking about?” She blinked. Ella studied my face and I let her. There was so much I wanted to ask her. Things I desperately wanted her know, but how could I tell her that the one thing gnawing at my guts was her own sister. It was a small world and by some fucked up coincidence we were all linked together. Unlike her younger sister Ella didn’t dance with the devil to get what she wanted. On the day I met her Ella she was prepared to go back to a place that plagued her. Whereas the day I happened upon Skylar she was determined not to go back even it if cost me everything. Though I can’t blame the girl she was ballsy. Saying that she had a tenacious way about her was one way of putting it. If I told Ella the whole truth as to why I had to be with a woman I pretended to love for the sake of her father, Ella would surely understand, right? But if I came clean then I would have to stop pretending that there was some chance in hell that I would get the girl.

“What does your tattoo mean?” I asked only to change the subject. An unreadable expression colored her face. Like she was disappointed that I was keeping my need to pin her ass against the door on hold. Despite being called a hot headed asshole, I do consider myself a gentleman on the rare occasion. If she wanted me then by all means she could have me. As long as Ella stayed clear of my shit storm of a situation I was starting to give half a fuck at this point who my decisions affected. 

She scrunched her eyebrows in confusion looking at me with a hopeless wonder. That’s exactly what I was, hopeless. “The arrowheads point in opposite directions, because at the time it was suppose to mean anywhere but here.” Something about the way she says it made it clear that there was story she didn’t want to tell. There was no denying that there was something reticent about her.  Ella was the kind of person who references 19th century fiction and does it so casually. She was beautiful, smart, funny, sexy, pretty, and I realized I was starting to use synonyms but she was everything and above. An I wanted to savor every part of her.

“Ella.” 

“Sebastian.” She mimicked my tone like I did before. Though this  time it sounded like a restless and tormented need for what’s in front of the other. 

“When I said you haven’t done it, what I meant to ask was why haven’t you kicked me out yet?” I finally ripped the damn bandaid off cause I needed to know. I couldn’t predict what would happen tomorrow, and how soon the truth would bite me in the ass.

“Maybe it’s because I don’t want to.” Ella raised her shoulders in a tiny shrug, “I know that sounds bad and that makes me look awful, but.” She cuts herself short.

“But what?” I wanted her to finish her sentence. To hear if she felt an inkling of what I did.  

Ella falters.” But…” She bites down on her plump bottom lip that I am giving her the curtesy to deliberate for fifteen more seconds, before I bite it myself. 

With seven seconds left on the clock she answered. “I don’t think I care.”

Throwing caution into the wind I bridged the small gap between us in this walk in closet sized kitchen. I carefully swiped the palm of my hand across her cheek, dying at how soft her skin was. Ella’s eyes fluttered close, her long dark eyelashes fanning over where my  hand was. The pad of my thumb traced over the apple of her cheek, to the curve of her jaw, then brushing along the smoothness of her bottom lip. Her rounded upper lip was the same size as the bottom, creating a delicious pout that it was high time I tasted. 

I eased my face forward as Ella angled her body closer to mine. To which I wouldn’t have had it any other way. We were passed the back and forth banter at this point. Whatever was going to happen was going to naturally happen. I glided my hands down to her waist feeling her body under the lightweight fabric. Ella surprises me by threading her fingers through my hair urging me closer. I knew she must’ve felt the damn near painful erection I was sporting. Briefly our eyes locked and without a word our lips finally touched in a featherlight kiss. It was so innocent and  foreign to me that it caused a fiery sensation that was so intoxicatedly palpable from the minute we touched it tore me to fucking pieces. I pulled back to look at her and Ella’s gaze I’m sure matched the hunger in mine. Before I knew it our mouths were crashed back against one another and there was nothing innocent it about it this time.

Ella’s 

POV

Sebastian kissed me with roughness and no restraint, yet somehow I craved more of it. It was as if every particle of my body itched to be near him and the feeling was driving me absolutely mad. He thrusted his tongue inside of my mouth in a deep, tormenting stroke. I parted my mouth wider to let him in and I moved my tongue against his in a languid speed. I tried to suppress the moan that escaped me, Sebastian muffled the sound with another ravenous kiss. His lips move at a wild and untamed speed, when I breathed for air he took it away. I rested my hands on his shoulders gripping them tightly as we fucked each other’s mouths. Greta would be so proud of my lewdness. There was simply no better way to put it. My morals were screaming he’s not yours, the reaction my body was creating said maybe he could be just this once. 

Surely we weren’t going to have sex on the counter. I hadn't realized I was being lifted up. Sebastian grabbed ahold of my legs scooping me up with ease as if I was weightless. I settled against him and my legs voluntarily wrapped around his back. Already I was addicted and nothing had even happened. Sebastian pressed his fingers firmly on the apex of my thighs still never tearing his face away from mine. I gasped when I felt the coolness of his hand when it cupped and massaged away at my left tit. The pad of Sebastian’s thumb moved over my pierced nipple at slow and lazy pace, the guy made me wet in less than a minute of dry humping.  My head was racing with the question, was I really going to go through with this? I had a knack for doing things I shouldn’t. I still had a couple of artifacts from my past to prove it and right now Sebastian’s hand was sensually toying with one of them. Could I really sleep with someone’s  fiancé even if his situation really was “complicated”? Unwanted doubt started swirling around in my head making me feel unease, and that was the last thing I wanted to feel while being with him. 

“I think we should-“ I couldn’t even get  the rest of my words out. I swallow a groan because he started nipping and sucking at the base underneath my collar bone. Absolutely leaving no area of skin unmarked. Sebastian was driving away every practical thought from my head. I opened my eyes and watched as he followed a trail of wet kisses up my neck and my eyes only widened when I saw who was watching us from down the hallway. I jerked backward nearly injuring my tailbone trying to get off of the counter. 

“Ella what’s wrong?” Sebastian face was flushed and his chest heaved out a breath, while his gaze held only worry for me.

I froze and stared passed him at the person whose face was  marked with confusion , hurt and disappointment. I visibly wince from knowing what he must’ve thought of me.  “Matt why are you up?” I stepped away from Sebastian, running my hands down my clothes trying to make myself look composed. Sebastian’s attention turned to the figure standing in the end of hall. I could only hope he was not standing there this entire time.

Looking as uncomfortable as I was starting to feel. Like a ghost Matt walked to where Sebastian and I was standing awkwardly like two teenagers that were busted. Matt looked over at Sebastian staring at him with disdain. I glanced up at Sebastian and his hard stare looked the same. The two of them hardly spoke at the party, yet there was some weird animosity brewing between them. 

“Matt!” I called out again breaking him from this alpha pissing contest.

He could barely look at me. “I don’t even want to know what I just walked into, but since you are here also you probably don’t know either.” Matt said coldly. 

“Know what?” Sebastian stood in front of me like a protective shield from Matt. This time Matt bothers to look at me and I just know I wasn’t going to like what he was about to tell me. 

“You guys need to go to the hospital there’s been an accident.” 

To be continued.

[oleanderblume]

Unrelated but OMYGOD. My clown series reached 1k reads on wattpad.

Which isn't super awesome because its only due to the sheer quantity of chapters I have but I need to rave and spoil it cause I'm super excited about what I'm planning and no one i care to tell gives a shit so I'm dumping it into the void that is tumblr.

So. Im writing a book series called Caring For Your Clown. Its about this trans kid named Oliver and he is sort of an asshole.

Well not sort of, he is an asshole. But a RELATABLE asshole.

The story sort of drops you in 6 months after the mysterious and tragic (and traumatic) death of his mother Marie, who was a scientist alongside her husband and Oliver's step father Jon at a lab that specializes in physics mainly.

They were working on a machine with an unstable particle that caused a..tear so to speak, in the fabric of dimensional space and she got torn into tiny little bits. :3

But apparently before this occurred, Marie was in contact with an alien race called clowns 🤡 (really they are interdimensional traveling amoebas that take the shape of humanoid clowns lol)

One of which pops up in Oliver's life completely unexpectedly for no foreseeable reason and her name is Dindet and she is absolutely precious.

Basically its a saga and each book ranges in about 30k to 50k words. The first book centers around Oliver learning about this weird alien houseguest and also the immediate fallout of the death of his mom because surprise surprise! His biological dad who is a terrible abusive fucktard rolls back into his life with the intent to take custody of Oliver and that is no good!

The entire arch Oliver's goes through is literally the title of the series. Basically learning to be caring and compassionate while ALSO dealing with grief and interdimensional shenanigans.

One of the things I found really fun (it was unintentionally done but now I like it so its intentional now.) Is that each book roughly represents the 5 stages of grief.

As the first one is anger. Oliver is mostly passed the fuck off that this dumb alien clown sauntered into his life and thought it would be neat to CARE about him like he was a PERSON with FEELINGS. Irrationally angry, because he blames her for the loss of his mom (i mean so does his dad who goes through the stages of grief slightly slower than Oliver does) and uses her as a personal emotional punching bag until he realizes that SHE got his bio dad to concede his appeal for custody via literally stalking him and making him so paranoid that he was deemed an unfit parent >:3

All the while too, as the main focus is on the two characters of Oliver and Dindet, there is a background plot leading up to the second, third, and fourth (possibly up to 6 books) of the clown authorities looking for Dindet. And also the checkovs gun that is his neighbor.

The second book is mostly erring in the bargaining side of the coin for Oliver while Jon goes through his stage of anger. Oliver learns more about Dindet but doesn't quite trust her as she is clearly hiding information and KNOWS his mom. But she won't talk. Meanwhile, his neighbor working on a completely different project gets his hands on some clown matter and goes apeshit with it to build his energy machine.

We also learned more about the type of person Dindet is, which is naive and caring but also incredibly self destructive and reckless. By far a major people pleaser with huge self love issues. While Oliver is more of a "i don't give a shit what you think" though its more a facade he puts on to protect himself from rejection :/ he is far more comfortable in his own skin but external factors can make him freak out a little and he is terrible at talking to people.

It culminates when the project Jon solicited Dindet's assistance in is wreck by her own hands and Oliver's growth completely backtracks to the point that he finally manages to get our clown to leave (only for her to be clownknapped by his whole ass fucking neighbor to be used as the conduit to his energy machine)

And yeh, Ols almost immediately regrets his actions (though at first its more denial that she actually left) especially when he catches his neighbor using her as fuel for his machine to the point that all her fucking matter is completely burned away via electrical current! >:3

THEN Oliver gets to the depression arch >:3 (i haven't written this part yet so its up in the air atm)

Basically, with his mom dead and now the only person who could reasonably be considered his friend ALSO Basically dead, Ols falls into this really bad streak of just walking backward in his grief. Anger, denial, bargaining, the whole shebang. But THIS time the lab and the government AND the secret clown police are all in cahoots to cover up what happened at the lab and to do that they need to get rid of Ols and his dad to allow their plot to work. (Will be revealed later)

So throughout the first two books I've been alluding to the leader of the clowns via Dindet's ostensible paranoia and their name is Smile. They have underlings though and one is named Poppy. So the clowns get into the lab and convince Jon to send his son to a treatment facility for therapy under the thin veil that it will protect them from the repercussions of the machine. Oliver is not to upset about this though because he has been to therapy before from his past with his bio dad.

Except obviously the clowns don't want to actually help anyone. Their goal is to wear my boy down until he ready to die because- did I mention this was middle grade??

Anyways. This particular book I want to develop my potential romance between Douglass (Oliver's kid neighbor) and Ols and also deconstruct Oliver's personality via flashbacks that parallel the events in the story so we understand why he reacts the way he does to things and also i think it would be neat that the clowns technically succeed in their plan to draw out Dindet the wanted criminal by using the person she cares most about against her. By making him want to die!!

Then! For the next book, I'm planning on having more clown infiltration, more bonding between my children and romance between my boys because oooohhh boy am I gonna have fun tearing everyone apart when the real fucking deal Smile shows up and fucks shit up. Smile is my main villian and a veru fun and manipulative one at that. She uses Oliver to get to Dindet and eventually catches the both of them, revealing clowns to the entire world right before snatching them back to the home base the Cornucopia.

This is where we learn all the information we have been wanting and building up to about Dindet >:3

She is a criminal because she has Essentially tied a doomed universe to the Cornucopia in a never ending time loop because she is so heckin big that every time that universe is torn apart, she jumps back in time and DIES in order to recreate it. (She's the big bang yo)

That isn't the only reason though. Oliver comes to learn that his mom was FRIENDS with Smile. And Smile was the one who tore her apart in the machine scattering her subconscious in the literally timeless Cornucopia (time doesn't exist there so aging, death, anything like that is completely halted) and MARIE who has been half alive and omnipotent this whole fucking time has been trapped in the Cornucopia unable to see her family or child but fully able to see a know the infinitesimal inevitability of the destruction of his universe. So what does she do? She PULLS DINDET PUT OF THE ABYSS AND TELLS HER TO GO BE FRIENDS WITH HER KID TO KEEP THE TIME LOOP GOING.

And this has happened before. Like this book series is literally ONE (1) version of events that have been stacking up on top of eachother for millenia. The reason Dindet shows up in the first place is because she can partially see these past loops and the remnants of her love for Oliver keeps her coming back YO.

But while all this lovely information is being shared, Dindet is in clown jail and Oliver is treated as a pet to Smile. He tries to stage a break out and fails and what does Smile do? She turns him into a got damn monkey!

And uses him as literal fucking bait to a starving Dindet in order to justify her sentence (which is obviously death)

It almost works too, if it weren't for the fact that these two kids are BEST FRIENDS NOW and would legit die AND kill for eachother, Dindet pushes Oliver out of the Cornucopia (he is still a monkey boy btw) into his universe which inadvertently scatters him.

(A human person can enter the Cornucopia but if they leave, their molecular structure will destabilize in a slow and painful way until they literally are nothing left so that sucks)

This is where I want the next book to start tbh. Now back at home without his friend, as. A. Monkey. Oliver find that his entire home town is under lock down and strict control by the clowns who have now infiltrated the government and are putting plans forth to rebuild the SAME MACHINE his dad and Dindet built to bring about the destruction of the universe. (They want to do this because if they prevent Dindet from jumping back in time, they can end the time loop and get on with their lives)

So ols has to essemble a rag tag crew of Douglass and some other classmates and figure out that all the goop floating around belongs to Dindet (bruh. She is the size of the universe like. There is a lot of her to go around) and they can technically use it as gateways into other dimensions to gather an arsenal of GIANT BABY ANIMALS AND SQUIRREL BIRD CATS AND DRAWN TO LIFE ANYTHINGS so they can try to 1. Bring back our clown gal who is the key to fixing this and 2. Take on the now heavily fortified lab in order to get Olivers and Douglass's dads back.

All the while my boy is slowly dying >:3

Eventually, Oliver finds a way to get Dindet back but its at a cost :/ he tricks Smile into turning our clown organic to prevent her from being able to control any of her matter whatsoever and the cost of it is that Smile is VERY bad at making humans, so she basically traps Dindet in a catatonic meat sack that doesn't have half the organs it needs to function properly :/

To make her not be organic anymore they gotta uh..kill the tumor that is an organic half body (which yes, does have nerve endings) which eventually allows Dindet to be 100% clown again.

They break into the lab, but its basically too late. Reality is fractured and the multiverse is imploding in on itself and in the midst of all of this, Ols and Dindet are careening through the vacuum of an entirely empty space, dying of starvation and scattering and the only option left is to jump back in time to start the loop over again.

It is heartfelt and it is good and pure and the last moments they share together perfectly bring this loop together because in the VERY FIRST BOOK Oliver asks why Dindet came and she says "you asked me to."

And their last moments together he asks her to come back for him. Like I CANNOT yall!!

But that isn't the end. Yet.

The real end is after they die and the universe begins and a single hand pushes through the stars and pulls out a little orange bean. And it's Marie, pulling Dindet put of the Abyss this universe that is so intrinsically tied to the Cornucopia that it literally creates all the fucking clowns.

Its not supposed to be destroyed. And the reason eveeything falls into place so perfectly and things always go the same way is because ita already been seen and already been narrated. By Marie.

The WHOLE ASS SERIES IS IN THIRD PERSON OMNISCIENT BUT ITS ACTUALLY NOT. Its first person. Narrated by Marie.

Dindet knows Marie because she pulled her out of the Cornucopia. Clowns exist because Dindet was told by Oliver that she was and looked like a clown. The entire ass UNIVERSE exists because Oliver and Dindet are the fucking building blocks of life.

All of Olivers character actions and growth and eventual love (platonic) for Dindet shape their futures and all of it started because a mom was so concerned and guilty about leaving her kid in such a time of need that she would rather start the world over than see him suffer.

So..themes.

Throughout the series there are heavy HEAVY parallels between Dindet and Marie (partly because Dindet is a parrot and almost all her actions and reactions mimmick things that she has seen and the first person she met who wasn't out to kill her was Marie) but also because Dindet is the conduit through which Marie vicariously lives out the rest of Oliver's fleeting life with him.

There is even a point where Oliver genuinely questions whether or not Dindet actually IS his mom (she isn't obviously)

One of the themes I really love about this series is that compassion, unconditional love and care is deserving to even the most obstinant. Oliver isn't easy to love. He actively makes it very hard for anyone who could be a peer (even his own dad sometimes) to care about him. He constantly pushes people away to safeguard himself from potential harm and it takes three fucking books ROUGHLY 200,000 words to get this boy to understand what unconditional love can do.

How it can help with the grieving process, and help you become a more compassionate person toward others.

And also how your actions affect others!!

Like i said, Dindet is a parrot, she can read your mind (if she wanted to) but what she sees she incorporates into her own thoughts and as a reflection, Olivers harsh words and actions, even the most simple kind are recorded and even amplified. He is MEAN to Dindet. He makes fun of her often and gets angry with her and calls her stupid and she internalizes that immediately and it has an immediate affect on how she views herself. Oliver doesn't even think of this as something that happens until much later in the story! And gradually he grows past it and becomes more considerate and affirming toward Dindet and Douglass as a result.

And the way things matter. Oh. Every little detail matters in this story up to seemingly inconsequential continuity errors! Foreshadowing is everywhere from the first fucking sentence to the last because the things the characters do and say to eachother are simultaneously current and in the past all at once and no one knows which is which.

Someone got hurt? There are consequences, even unforseen ones. Dindet loses her hat. It is the most precious thing she owns and is a huge comfort item for her. Oliver asked where she got it? A friend gave it to her.

OLIVER MAKES HER A NEW HAT AFTER SHE LOSES IT. He is the FRIEND that gave it to her.

Almost everything in this story has parallels and consequences and twists and turns and outcomes that are wildly unpredictable (up until now because I've just spoiled the entire fucking plot but who cares!!)

Like...this is my baby. I care SO MUCH about this story and the characters in it that when I think about certain scenes I legitimately start crying.

I can't wait to publish the first book yall. I'm planning on publishing it either through a publisher or self publish, and maybe make a comic even? Idk. I just i really think people would like my dumb absurd story about clowns and I wish i could just spout about it 24/7...it breaks my heart that no one will listen.

[domesticangel]

Black cat, coffin, enchanted, potion and vampire?

im gonna warn y'all now but i really got to rambling for some reason SO.....

black cat: favorite urban legend?

I'm biased bc of where i grew up but probably the black sisters!!! (as in like, the actual real women, virginia wardlaw, caroline martin, and mary snead. not the ones from fuckin harry potter ajfhjhfjds). the town i was born and raised in is actually where everything to do with them went down and for most of my life ive lived within walking distance of the place they allegedly haunt; we all call it the old middle school to differentiate it from the new one built not far from it but it stands on the grounds of the academy the black sisters taught at in the early 1900s. i drove past it almost every day this summer bc its only a little ways down the road from my moms house!! basically everyone who grew up there heard bunches of stories about them and apparently a lot of people have experienced tons of paranormal shit in the old school that they attribute to the black sisters haunting the place. i would figure a lot of its embellished bc while what they did was real (they basically murdered a bunch of people for insurance money) the urban legend part of it is all the stuff that people speculated that they did. a popular belief in town is that they murdered and sacrificed infants and kept their skulls hidden away in the ground the old middle school is on now and other satanic shit, but idk about all that. one of them is still buried in a cemetery in town but iirc the marker was removed bc people were vandalizing it but someone told me at one point it said something creepy like “she's not dead.” anyway even though it freaked me out as a kid hearing all the different stories about them over the years always fascinated me lol

coffin: have you ever had a paranormal experience?

well. its not terribly interesting but whenever i get asked this the only thing that comes to mind was something that happened when i was maybe 10 or 11 that may very well have not been paranormal at all, but... that was when we lived out in the boonies so we always had a couple indoor/outdoor cats for mousing. one had recently died bc my mom accidentally ran her over in the driveway, she was a black cat that my brother had named shadow (he was really good at names; one of our cats, who had whiskers, as she was a cat, was named whiskers. one had stripes like a tiger. his name was tiger. we got a long haired cat after that. fluffy, she was christened. etc.). at this point we had already gotten another cat to replace her (the aforementioned fluffy) bc tiger and whiskers were kind of older and lazy and not very good at their only job. so anyway I'm in my parents bedroom on their bed watching tv and to the left of their bed was their bathroom. i suddenly hear a thumping sound coming from the bathroom and i look over to see that the bathroom door is cracked open maybe like 3-5 inches, and theres some kind of like....small black mass jumping up at the door from the inside of the bathroom, and i remember immediately thinking that it looked how a cat does when its jumping up to catch or smack at something, and initially I'm like whatever, its probably one of our cats. but then i remember shadow is dead, i don't know where fluffy is, and tiger and whiskers were outdoor only cats. and fluffy was a tortoiseshell, so while she was on the darker side she wasn't black, and whatever i saw was BLACK black, like, solid black. in my memory at least. so i go bolting out of the room to tell my mom i saw something, and ofc she just thinks i was imagining things bc i was just a kid and she's a hardcore skeptic, etc. and it was when i ran out into the main part of the house that i saw fluffy sitting outside on the porch meowing at the sliding glass door, so i can only assume at the time that it wasn't her that i saw. nowadays I'm sure theres a million ways to explain it away but like i say i still remember it very vividly to this day so. who's to say!

other than that theres been a time or two where ive taken photos of old buildings that came out with those weird orb things, but idk if I'm entirely convinced that it wasn't just dust on the lens, bugs that flash picked up, etc. ive never really been sure if i believe in paranormal stuff one way or the other bc it seems equal parts hard to prove and hard to disprove so? idk. but i avoid it just in case fkghdsjighdj

enchanted: what fictional character scares you most?

this may seem kinda weird but did y'all ever read those scary stories to tell in the dark books? the fucking illustrations in those books freak me out to THIS DAY, at 22 goddamn years old i still refuse to look at them dfghdjfg anyway there was ONE story in there that always really scared me. you bet your ass I'm not gonna look up which one it was for fear of having to see the pictures but any time i get that weird feeling on the back of my neck like somethings following me up the stairs or out of a dark room its the thing in that story that i still picture. oh shit i think maybe the story was actually called the thing!!!!! or something like that??? but yeah. That Guy

potion: favorite horror movie?

hmmmm i don't watch a lot anymore tbh in middle school me and my friends’ favorite thing to do during sleepovers was rent scary movies from blockbuster and watch them at night but a lot of them kinda sucked even though they were fun to watch at the time gfshldljghdij i guess in terms of like. being well made and interesting and genuinely scaring me....the new it movie maybe? it did its job so well that i literally never wanna see it again so thats about as best i can rate them lmao

vampire: are you afraid of death?

well. i kinda like living. so. i reckon! I'm not sure what happens after and I'm pretty sure the not knowing is why most people fear it, so there you have it!

[marvelmymarvel]

Choose Wisely

Part 3/15

Supernatural!MultiCharacter x Reader

Synopsis: Being the daughter of a priest was never easy. Especially when demons follow you every which way. You ran away at 18 and stumbled upon the Winchesters, you learned all about the things that went bump in the night. But your life changed when you met death, and you learned all of the reasons to why supernatural things have always happened to you in particular. But when you are met with the task for choosing who will win the apocalypse, will you choose wisely?

Catch Up: Part 1 Part 2

Continue On:  Part 4  Part 5

You rushed over to Chuck with Sam and Dean, you didn't really pay attention to the cars around you, more so focused on the frantic text that Sam got from him. “Chuck! There you are.” Sam exclaimed as you three came to a halt in front of the pacing man. You didn’t like Chuck, only because he seemed to downplay your character in his creepy books. “Guys... Y/N?” He stated confused as to why all three of you were there. “What's going on?” Dean pressed and you started to look around more, realizing there was no immediate danger. “Uhh nothing” Chuck stuttered out “Just uh you know... What are you guys doing here?”. You looked back at him, hoping that this wasn't what you thought it was. “You told us to come” Dean stated forcefully. All three began to argue and you stepped forwards towards the building observing it. “Oh no” Chuck stated and you turned around to look back at them “SAM” your head whipped back around towards the door and saw who it was, “oh god” you whispered “YOU MADE IT” Becky squealed as she ran down the steps. 

You made eye contact with Dean as Becky flirted with Sam, and you realized who did this and why. Becky borrowed Chuck's phone to let them know about the little thing going on inside. “They’re gonna want to see it” Becky exclaimed “See what” Both boys interjected and you rolled your eyes already halfway up the stairs. “You boys really are in for a treat then if this is what I think it is” you called out. You were already in the middle of it all, you looked back to see Dean getting talked to by another ‘Dean’. You walked back over “Who the hell are you?” Dean stated and the man turned back towards him “I'm Dean too... Duh” you snorted and grabbed Deans arm “Yeah... DUH ‘Dean’” you said his name while putting up quotation marks. He glared at you but you simply rolled your eyes. You both turned and saw someone dressed as a scarecrow walking in. The boys jumped and you sighed “Uh oh its Sam and Dean. I’m in trouble now... Who are you supposed to be?” he asked you and you scoffed “IM Y/N THANK YOU” you snarled “She’s like... the lamest character, you’d be better off as bloody mary. Anyway, have fun you two” The scarecrow commented and then shoved his plastic scythe on Sam. You inhaled in shock and stepped forward to grab him but Sam yanked you back. “I AM NOT THE LAMEST” you hissed lowly “I know I know” Sam whispered “But you need to not actually kill them... Okay?” Sam whispered and you took a deep breath. You sighed and he let you go “I’m gonna grab a beer” you hissed while walking towards the bar. You heard Becky tell them what it was but you could care less at the moment.

You downed your second beer before Dean hauled you over to the stage where Chuck was going to give his speech. You stood between Sam and Dean, as you weren't trusted around these people, as 7 of them have already told you how your character was lame. You were going to kill Chuck.  The guy welcoming everyone made you bored, that was until he brought up something “At 4:30 is the homo erotica section” You spit out your beer and turned to laugh in your hand. To say you were drunk was an understatement, but the look on Deans face was to die for. “Homo Erotica!” you squealed under your breath towards Dean who just looked at you in shock at your reaction, “This is gonna be a great convention, but I'm gonna need to be a lot drunker than this” you started back towards the bar but Dean yanked you back “Oh no you’re staying with me”. He introduced Chuck and he looked at you nervously. You never understood why he fancied you, it was kind of weird in your opinion. He began to drink his water and you snorted. “This dude is fucking wild” you laughed out under your breath. “So I guess uhhhh... Questions” everyone's hand shot up and you sighed, “I seriously will need another beer after this” you whispered to Dean and he nodded, 100% agree with you. A lot of the questions were normal and then there was one, “Why did you make Y/N? In my opinion, she's not really that important to the story?? Is she going to die off soo-” but Chuck cut him off “Y/N will be a big part of the story” he started looking right at you. You looked at him in confusion, “And she won't be dying soon....”. He wasn't even talking to the man, he was talking to you. Full of anger from the question and confusion from the answer, you finally turned and left the room and Dean let you go. The third beer went down easier. Chuck slid in the seat next to you and you raised your finger for another drink “Something stronger” you asked and Chuck got the hint. He got two coolers instead and walked towards Becky. Sam and Dean bolted over to Chuck and they all began arguing, you looked at the bartender and rolled your eyes, “Men” you stated and she nodded. You heard a scream and slammed down your beer, you caught up with Sam and Dean as you approached the one screaming. You were taking it all seriously until you realized it was all apart of the game. You rolled your eyes and walked back down to the bar, “I hate all of this” you grumbled and Dean agreed with you. 

Dean downed his scotch and you fiddled with your straw, looking around for some entertainment. “Well you look lovely tonight” Dean purred to the girl next to him. You scoffed and took your drink, walking away from it all. You were tired of men being men. You wandered around the hotel. Every scream making you jump but you would just take a swig of your mixer and move on. And then the kid appeared. “Listen, kid-” you began but he cut you off “Help us” he stated. You sighed and dropped down to his eye level, “kid... I’m not playing this game so just-” and then he disappeared. You inhaled sharply realizing this wasn't apart of the game. Standing up you turned to leave but a woman was behind you. “NAUGHTY NAUGHTY NAUGHTY” She screamed. You ducked screaming as the woman flew at you, she knocked you on your ass but disappeared. Your drink spilled everywhere but you got up and ran out.

“ITS REAL” you screamed at Dean, gripping onto him and shaking him frantically. “Yeah yeah I know I know” and then he saw your frantic face “What happened to you” he questioned touching your pale face. You shook your head and sat down, “I don't feel so good” you whispered. “Okay, how about you sit this one out and drink some water” Dean stated as he moved you to an actual couch. You nodded and began to down the water that Sam handed you. You sat there as they left to go after the ghost that you encountered. You were shaky, and you didn't know why. You have seen demons, vampires, and ghosts, but why did this one shake you up. “You okay sugar” you heard as a person sat next to you. You rubbed your face which was in your hands and looked up, expecting yet to see another man either hitting on you or telling you how awful your character was. You were pleasantly surprised, and also slightly upset. 

You opened your mouth to tell him to fuck off but he silenced you with his finger. He scooted closer to you and wrapped his arm over the back of the couch, “What's wrong honey, it looks like you’ve seen a ghost” he cooed while gripping your chin. You glared at him and he smirked snapping his fingers, you were out of there. 

“Alright, let it out” he stated and unsilenced you. “You fucking asshat!” you screamed, he took you into the middle of the woods to let you scream at him all you wanted. “You lied to me! And you made me forget about you! You can't just do that!” you continued. Gabe nodded as he leaned against a tree watching you pace and rant. To him, you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, but he couldn't have you. “You know the only guardians that I have met that have actually done nice things for me are Castiel and Lucifer... Fucking LUCIFER” you snarled walking over to him. He watched you try and size him up by getting in his face. He just smiled down at you like you were a little puppy, “AND WOULD YOU STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE IM ADORABLE” you screamed in his face pushing his shoulders hard into the tree. “Now I just think you’re kinda hot from the way you're shoving me around sweets” he purred and you scoffed crossing your arms. You stood there staring at him. He was calm and collected, just how you remembered him when you were 17. You had backed up and just stared at him. You sighed, “I'm still mad” you snarled as you stomped over. You grabbed his face and brought him down for a kiss, he grabbed your hips as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in deeper. 

He cupped your neck and kissed you sweetly as you let go of him. “Still love me?” He asked against your lips. You smiled at him and kissed his nose, “Of course” you whispered, “Then let's get you back”. 

“Did you uh... fix it without me” you stuttered out as you met with the boys. They looked at you funny and you realized your hair was a mess. You cleared your throat and smoothed it out, “Yeah... You feel any better Y/N?” Sam asked. “Yeah... can we... can we go now? I’m tired of being told how useful I am” you teased as you fiddled with your fingers. Dean nodded and you walked past, Gabe smirked from behind the wall and vanished. What they didn't know, wouldn't hurt them.

[initiala]

Hook-Echo (4/9)

Summary:  They’re in a rut. That’s what Deputy Emma Swan tells herself over and over again as her boyfriend, Killian Jones, grows more and more distant, and more frustrated, due to complications with his dissertation research on tornado formation. But storm season’s more than halfway over and this dry spell is doing nothing to make things easier for him–or their relationship. Will everything blow over, or is there a greater storm on the horizon?

Rating: E

Content warnings:  Graphic depictions of injury resulting from natural disasters, minor character death

Aw, this is the last chapter with this header. Now we’re going to get into some interesting changes... Thanks again to @optomisticgirl, @spartanguard, and @idoltina for all they did on this.

This is also on AO3 or FF.Net if that’s how you wanna roll.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Emma blinked, roused from a daze. She realized she'd been staring at the map of the county pinned to her wall, and from the way her neck pinched when she sat up straight, she'd been out of it for far too long. Ruby leaned against the doorframe, her arms crossed, while she watched Emma with a raised eyebrow and concern on her face. "Yeah," Emma said, rubbing the back of her neck. "Fine, what's up?"

"Well, whatever's so fascinating about McClain County, apparently," Ruby said, pushing off the wall and going to sit on one of the chairs. "You've been staring for like twenty minutes."

Emma sighed. "Just… thinking. Nothing bad, not even work related, which is not something that should be repeated to Graham or David, but whatever."

"Emma."

It wasn't bad, but she just missed Killian, that was all. Between their respective work shifts, and a few times Emma got called out on an emergency, it had been more than a week since they'd spent more than a few hours in the same house, let alone when both of them were conscious at the same time. The only thing she could be pleased about was the fact that, despite going to sleep and getting up at different times, Killian had come to bed every night. No late night storms, no pacing, no self-flagellation for something he had no control over.

And she kind of liked having to untangle herself from him to get out of bed.

"Killian's been getting better," Emma said finally. "Our schedules… not so much."

The smile on Ruby's face was downright wicked. "Ah, so you were in here fantasizing."

"No! Well. Kind of." She felt overly warm and Ruby started to snicker. "Not really, I just… We had a really nice morning last week and the entire world has been conspiring against us from doing anything else." Emma sighed. "Spring's been hard for him and it felt like there was this thing between us that forced us apart. Like a rut or something. And, I don't know, something just happened last week where he was finally like 'hey, I've been kind of a dick, let me make it up to you', y'know?"

"With his dick."

"Why do I even talk to you?"

"Sorry, sorry. Continue."

Emma pushed her hair back over her shoulder. "Well, to be brief about it, it was a pretty great make-up session and we had a nice morning, a blip with his advisor aside. And we haven't been able to do anything since and I just miss him."

In one of the rare moments they'd been able to talk face-to-face, Killian had told her that he'd scheduled his next meeting with Dr. Bhavsar. More than anything else, she may have been a little more glum about the fact that he was leaving for that meeting tomorrow and it might be another day or two before he could get back. But she didn't want Ruby to think she was a complete sap.

"Why not just go see him at the bar?" Ruby asked. Emma opened her mouth to protest, but Ruby held up her hand. "No, I'm serious. You and me, we'll go together. And we'll bring Mary Margaret, since David's on schedule for tonight, and I know she's dying to get out of the house for a little bit."

"She's a million months pregnant."

"She'll be fine," Ruby insisted, "and you know whatever fuss Liam will try to kick up about you distracting Killian at work will go out the window because he'll be all responsible and making sure Mary Margaret's comfortable."

Emma wanted to argue, she really did, but the way Ruby had phrased it, 'distracting Killian at work', sent some gears into motion. She pursed her lips, pretending to think about it, then nodded. "All right, sure. But I've got a condition on this plan."

As it turned out, Mary Margaret was more than eager to get out of the house for the night. Even over the phone, Emma could hear David's mild protesting in the background, but they agreed it would be good for her to get out and have fun with friends before the baby came. And since they weren't going very far, Mary Margaret felt comfortable playing designated driver.

After work, Ruby and Emma split to go get ready for their night out; the plan was for Ruby and Mary Margaret to come pick her up last. That worked perfectly, because it had been a while since Emma had had to actually put serious effort into her 'going out' look and she needed the extra time to be able to have a minor panic attack about everything.

But her hair curled just fine and she didn't forget how to do the perfect smokey eyeshadow look, and the form-fitting red dress she'd bought on sale last year still fit great, so she felt about as ready as she could possibly be for a public seduction of her boyfriend.

The bar wasn't really busy, which was both a blessing and a curse for Emma's plan. Part of her hoped things would pick up over the next hour or so, and part of her thought if it stayed pretty dead then it might mean less glaring or thinly veiled accusations from Liam, but then she caught sight of Killian staring at her in a sort of stunned disbelief and decided it didn't really matter anyway.

Everything would happen according to plan and she'd happily tell Liam to go fuck himself if he said anything about it.

"Go get 'im tiger," Ruby hissed in her ear and then she and Mary Margaret went to claim a table for them.

Emma's back straightened and walked in a confident way that made her hips sway; Killian's mouth fell open a little and his eyes were practically glued to her sky-high heels. She watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed and she leaned over the bar a little, the low cut of her dress giving him an eyeful. "Hey," she said. "I heard this was a pretty good place to get a drink in town."

"Emma, you are trying to kill me," Killian muttered, absolutely staring down her dress.

She tilted her head to the side. "Sorry, have we met somewhere?" she asked, and his eyes snapped up to hers in confusion. She tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Me and my friends are just passing through," she continued. "But we've been in the car so long we just really needed to stretch our legs and find out what all this little town has to offer."

Killian's eyebrow ticked up as he understood her game; something in his whole body, his entire demeanor, shifted as he decided to play along and it sent a thrill through her to see him rise up and take her bait. "I see. Well, far be it from me to deny three beautiful women some of our good ol' Southern hospitality."

Emma grinned at his terrible Southern accent. Hers was no better. "Well, shucks, mister, that's awful kind of you."

He shook his head, a wide grin split across his own face, and picked up a few glasses. "So, what can I do you for?"

Oh you can do me alright, she thought, but placed an order to get them started. While he worked on mixing some drinks, he asked her name and after their reasons for 'traveling'; Emma decided to go with her real name and then tossed out a few fake answers. Something about getting Mary Margaret home to her mother before she had the baby and a road trip all in one, something none of them would ever risk and if only because Eva now lived six blocks from here, instead of in Dallas where Mary Margaret had grown up. Killian was nice enough to add a pineapple and cherry garnish to the "pineapple rum slush" he'd made for her (which was really just pineapple juice, a little seltzer for the zing, and blended up with some ice) before putting Emma's beer and Ruby's Long Island on a tray with it. "Fruit's good for the baby, even if a bar isn't," he said, winking as he slid the tray to her.

Emma smiled, picking it up easily from years of experience. "I'll remind her of that, thanks. You, uh, are you working all night?"

"I'll be around," he said slinging a washrag over his shoulder. "If you find you need a refill, Miss Swan, just ask for Killian."

She gave a sultry smile and said, "I will," before walking back to the table with that sway in her hips and knowing without looking that he was staring at her ass.

"I was ninety percent sure he would just haul you over the bar," Ruby said when Emma put the tray on the table.

"I thought his eyes were going to fall out of his head," Mary Margaret said, taking a sip from her drink. "Oh, this is really good."

"He caught on pretty quick, so I think it'll be a fairly successful evening," Emma said, glancing over her shoulder towards the bar. "And he said to eat the fruit for the baby."

Mary Margaret rolled her eyes. "I swear to God, between him and David, this kid's going to be an Olympic athlete before he can walk. Healthy food this, nutrients that. If I hear the words 'folic acid' one more time I'm going to scream."

Ruby and Emma shared a glance, then chorused, "Folic acid," and were immediately rewarded with a growled shriek before Mary Margaret bit into the pineapple slice.

"So," Ruby said, stirring her drink. "Bets on how long it takes before David shows up as part of a 'routine walk-through'?"

The next couple of hours went by in a bit of a blur; despite the fact that Emma would get up to get refills and ramp up the flirting between her and Killian, she also just felt herself relaxing from hanging out with her friends and catching up a bit. The last time they'd gotten to really hang out was months ago, after Emma and Killian had moved into the house and before the baby shower. All of the baby and life updates Emma got were from David, and though she worked with Ruby, both of them tended to get sucked into whatever it was they were working on and didn't have time to dive in and really chat.

So it was going to be a good night for multiple reasons.

The second of which was about to happen, if Emma could play her cards right.

She went up to get another drink refill; she hadn't seen Liam yet, which probably meant he was the one cooking tonight and that was just fine with her. There was one other person working the front with Killian and it was slow enough that he'd probably take her up on her suggestion if she could figure out how to word it right.

But Killian, it seemed, wanted to turn the tables on her.

"Ah, can't get enough of me, can you?" he asked, taking the glasses from her and putting ready-made refills on her tray.

"Look at you anticipating my needs," she teased. "Someone's looking to make a pretty big tip tonight."

"Anything I can get from a beautiful lass such as yourself I'll count as a blessing, love," he said, and pressed something into her hand before she could move back from the bar.

Emma's eyebrow went up, but he was walking over to take care of a customer on the other side of the bar before she could venture any clever pick-up lines about tips. Shrugging to herself, she went back to the table and set the tray down before looking at what he'd given her.

Back office. Five minutes.

A note scribbled on a napkin, how... Killian of him. Emma bit her lip, grinning, and tucked it under her drink. "I'm going to use the ladies room," she announced, getting up.

Mary Margaret toasted her and to Ruby's eternal credit she did not whoop or cheer as Emma went to the back hallway where the restrooms and the administrative office was. She did stop and use the bathroom quickly - she had been drinking, after all - and then ducked into the office before her time limit was up.

Not even a minute after she'd closed the door behind her, Killian strode in, locking the door behind him before seizing her by the shoulders and kissing the living daylights out of her. "You," he said between kissing her cheeks and along her jaw and down her neck, "are a bloody minx and are going to be the death of me."

Emma giggled as he latched on to the juncture of her neck and shoulder, sucking a mark there; he slowly walked them backwards and when the backs of her thighs hit the desk he tried to get her to sit on it. His hands ran down her sides and then up again, squeezing her breasts and making her squirm with anticipation. "I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm really not," she said breathlessly. Instead of sitting, she gently pushed him back and indicated he go sit in the office chair. He looked at her in confusion and it only made her smile wider. "I came in here tonight with a plan, buddy, and there's no way you're going to derail that."

He raised an eyebrow with interest and sat at her behest, settling back to wait for what she had in mind. Emma wet her lips, propping one hand on her hip as she looked him over: his hair was sticking up from a gesture she knew well, the one where he gripped the front in frustration when a customer gave a complicated order; his lips were puffy and full from kissing her; his eyes roved over her body, drinking in her short dress and the way her shoes accented her calves.

She smirked.

"Now, do you remember when you were so very cruel to me," she said, sinking down to her knees in front of him, "and you denied me the chance to suck you off?" Emma watched him swallow hard as she ran her hands up his jean-clad thighs. "And then, to make matters worse, you got me all riled up again and just... sent me off to work?"

She palmed the now very apparent bulge at his crotch, watching his jaw work as he struggled not to cry out. Her fingers rested on his belt buckle and she met his eyes with hers. "I asked you a question, Killian."

His eyes widened and she saw his pupils were blown out, a combination of arousal and the dim lighting in the room. "Yes," he said, his voice raspy.

"Yes what?"

"Yes, I remember denying you. Twice."

She smiled; they'd played a similar game to this before and he was very good at remembering the rules. "Good." She lightly squeezed his cock through his jeans and he groaned, his hips bucking up into her hand. "Do you remember what else you did to me that day?"

His Adam's apple bobbed and a jolt of desire shot through her. "N-no," he said.

She squeezed his cock harder and he gasped, just on the edge of a whine, his back arching off the chair a little when she didn't let up. "Now, Killian, what have we said about lying?" Emma asked, arching an eyebrow.

When he didn't answer she tried another tactic, sliding her hand up his shirt and tracing her nails across his stomach. His muscles twitched under her fingers and she bit back a smile. "Good boys don't lie," Killian rasped finally and she lightly stroked his stomach in approval.

"So you do remember what you did?"

He nodded as her fingers traced the waist of his jeans. "I sent you pictures. I made myself come and sent you photos of it."

Emma licked her lips, thinking fondly of those photos. "I had to spend that whole day thinking about what you did to me in bed that morning, waking me up with your mouth on me, making me come with just your tongue. Thinking about the way you fucked me." She stroked his cock, loving how with every act she mentioned he breathed harder, as if he was holding himself back from repeating all of it right here on the floor of the office. "I'd finally gotten myself under control, and then my phone goes off, and I find out that I have a little treat waiting for me. All of that, and then I was stuck in my office all day, dripping wet, and couldn't do a damn thing about it.

"Worse, we haven't seen each other for more than five minutes to do something about it."

Killian opened his mouth, probably to protest, but she shushed him with a finger. "Oh, don't worry, I took care of myself," Emma said, still stroking him through his jeans. His nostrils flared. "Oh yeah, a few times while you were working late, I got myself all worked up again and had to get myself off."

"Emma-"

"So," she continued, as if he hadn't interrupted, "since you denied me twice, teased me, and left me to take care of myself, I'm going to finish teasing you and take what's mine twice. You're going to sit here and watch me take it, and then you're going to walk out that door and go back to work like nothing happened, alright?"

His jaw worked again and then he nodded. "Yes."

Killian sat back, watching her intently as she deftly undid his belt buckle and freed his cock from his jeans. Emma licked her lips, then held his eyes with her own as she took the head of his cock into her mouth.

His eyelids fluttered as she started to suck, but she squeezed the base of his cock with one hand to remind him that she wanted him to watch.

This wasn't the first time she'd given him a blowjob in this office, but it still thrilled her and turned her on every time they managed to sneak away from their (his) responsibilities and take a little time for themselves between their hectic schedules. Many of their trysts throughout their relationship had been quickies in the alley behind the bar or in this office when he'd gotten off work and they knew it would be their only time for ages to have any alone time together.

She'd kind of been hoping moving in together would fix that, but apparently not.

Emma took her hand away and took as much of his cock in her mouth as she could fit. Killian made a strangled sort of noise as she swallowed and hollowed out her cheeks as she pulled away. Taking him in hand again, she ran her tongue up the side of the shaft, watching as he struggled to keep his composure, and then swirled her tongue around the head again and again. She lapped at his slit, tasting the salty precum, and smiled to herself when she felt him pulse in her hand. He wasn't close, not yet, but he was definitely getting there.

She took his hand and guided him to grip her hair. She loved it when he guided her through sucking him off. She felt herself getting wetter as he took over, his grip on her hair just tight enough to send sparks of pleasure shooting through her body, and she moaned around him as her head bobbed up and down on his cock.

His hips jerked again and she tried not to gag as he unexpectedly hit too deep. "Sorry," he rasped.

"S'okay," she said when she came up for air.

Her jaw needed a bit of a rest but her hand kept stroking him, listening for each hitch in his breathing as she found all of those little, secret spots of pleasure around the head of his cock. His hand still in her hair, he kept massaging around the back of her neck just the way she liked and Emma felt like melting into the floor. "Getting there?" she asked.

He nodded. "Wanna come inside you," he said, his breath hitching again as she squeezed just right and popped the ridge.

She grinned, slowly, and his eyes widened again. "Good thing that's just what I had in mind," she said, and let go of him.

He made a whining noise as she stood but she ignored him. She yanked up her dress, smiling as she heard him inhale sharply, and dropped her panties, stepping out of them lightly. She dangled them on one finger in front of his face; he stared at her like she was some sort of hallucination, a creature out of his wildest dreams, and her core clenched at the thought. She let them fall onto his chest and went to the wall, bracing herself against it. She coyly glanced at him over her shoulder. "You gonna do something about this or not?" she asked.

Killian scrambled to his feet, her underwear falling to the floor, forgotten, and his own pants falling around his ankles. "You're not real," he said, kicking her feet apart roughly. Emma bit her lip as he gripped her hips and palmed her ass, lightly smacking her and then running his fingers through her slick folds. She shivered, more arousal dripping down and covering his fingers. "I dreamed you up, I had to have. There's no way this is real."

"Fuck me and find out," she said and felt the head of his cock brush against her inner thighs.

His hand moved away and then he nudged her entrance. She bent over a little more and he took her in one smooth stroke. "Fuck," she whispered, the stretch and burn exactly what she'd been wanting.

His fingers on her thighs gripped hard enough to bruise but she didn't care; she'd wear them proudly. He thrust into her hard and fast, the slide of his cock inside of her sex making her tingle from head to toe with pleasure. Her legs would feel like jelly after and the heels would be the most stupid wardrobe choice ever, but right now they gave her the perfect height to let Killian slam his cock into her over and over again. Emma groaned deep in her throat and reached down to rub her clit; she knew he had to be close after her attention to him earlier and she wanted more than anything to come with him, but his hand slapped hers out of the way. "Mine," he growled and the spike of arousal she felt at his possessiveness outranked anything else she could have done to him tonight.

His fingers were rough on her sensitive clit but she needed it. She reached back and grasped at his hip. "Please," she chanted, and he grunted, leaning over her back and driving his cock into her, if at all possible, even harder.

She'd been wired practically since setting foot inside the bar, the way he'd watched her stroll up to him with his mouth agape making her feel sexy and powerful. Her legs quivered as he pressed his fingers against her clit. The way he'd given himself up to her as 'punishment' for his naughty behavior had only heightened that and turned her on; she loved to watch him submit to her, just as he loved when she did the same for him. The needy, desperate grunts in her ear pushing her closer and closer to the edge. And this, a quickie in the back room before either of them could be missed, just turned her on more. The need to be quiet fighting the desire to scream her pleasure to the world - let everyone know just how fucking good Killian Jones was and how he was hers-

Her heartbeat pounded in her ears as she came, wave after wave of pleasure cresting through her body, and she buried her face against her arm to muffle her moans. She was dimly aware of Killian's jerky movements behind her as he came, too, her own orgasm squeezing him dry as they fell together.

Emma winced when he pulled out of her, not expecting how sore she'd feel, but it was absolutely worth it. She straightened slowly, her movements languid and feeling a little fuzzy with the haze of pleasure left over after her orgasm, and was rewarded with seeing Killian wiping the sweat from his face with the bottom of his shirt. She wet her lips again, eyes trailing down the hairy expanse of his stomach down to where his cock was slowly softening again. Killian caught her eye and smirked before pulling his shirt over his head. She watched him, confused, before he pulled a spare shirt out of a filing cabinet and pulled it on. "I'll say I spilled something on the other one," he said, winking.

She watched him pull up his pants and awkwardly scrunched her dress back down into place, slightly regretting the tightness of it. "I won't tell where you really spilled something," Emma said, feeling his come dripping down her thighs and making a note to stop in the bathroom again.

She went to grab her panties, but Killian got there first. He dangled them in front of her face, not unlike the way she had to him, before stuffing them into his pocket. "I think I'll hang on to these," he said, grinning.

She gaped. "You're such a jerk," she said, only slightly kidding - she really wasn't looking forward to spending the rest of the evening without underwear, not when she wasn't sure how much of herself she could clean up before returning to the table.

"A souvenir of our tryst, if you will," Killian said, leaning over and kissing her cheek.

"Still a jerk."

He kissed her lips next and she moaned, cupping his cheek as he slipped his tongue between her lips. His arms went around her waist and pulled her snug against him, his hands warm on her hips and his fingers pressing soothing patterns against her. "Love you," he said softly when they parted.

"Love you too," she said.

He winked as he unlocked the door and left her with wobbly legs and sticky thighs. Jerk distracted me with kisses to make me forget he has my underwear, she thought, glad that the bathroom was just across the hall. She just hoped she wouldn't leave a wet spot on the back of her dress, she didn't have anything to cover it with if -

His shirt.

She'd had a terrible habit of stealing Killian's shirts before they moved in together, enough that he'd actually found shirts in her dresser that he'd forgotten he ever owned. She liked using them to sleep in, letting the mixed scent of laundry detergent and Killian soothe her to sleep. Having the real thing in bed next to her helped curb that particular habit, but it wouldn't be so unusual if she came away with one of his Pour House shirts.

She snatched it up and slipped into the bathroom, cleaning herself up as best she could with the limited supplies at hand. She waited a bit more until she felt like she'd done as much as she could to limit any potential leakage, then did a quick spin in front of the mirror to make sure there wasn't any evidence on her dress. Then, to make the quick story she'd concocted in her head more plausible, she slipped the shirt on over her dress, feeling some tension leave her shoulders as she breathed in Killian's scent. It hung long on her, long enough to cover her ass if she tugged on it, so Emma exited the small bathroom with no small amount of satisfaction that everything had gone according to plan.

And promptly ran straight into Liam.

"Shit, fuck-" Emma blindly reached for the door frame, or the wall, or anything to keep her from falling on her ass.

"Emma." Liam reached out and steadied her, but there was a tone of foreboding in his voice that put her on edge. "You look…"

He drifted off, as if he wasn't sure how rude he was going to be about her attire. She glanced down: yes, the maroon of The Pour House t-shirt she wore clashed with the red of her dress, but in all fairness the skirt of her dress was so short that it almost didn't matter. Looking up at him, she raised an eyebrow. "Is there something wrong with how I'm dressed, Liam?"

His lips flattened slightly. "I just wasn't aware that the latest trend was an obscenely short skirt and a mismatched shirt on top."

Of all the things he could have said, this was hardly anything of note. "Killian said my dress was distracting," she said offhandedly. "I'd think you'd be proud that he'd give me something to cover up with."

"Yes," Liam said, and she knew immediately that he saw right through her. "Which is how I know that's not quite how you came to acquire the same shirt he came in wearing tonight."

Shit. "How would you even know that?" Emma countered.

He waved his hand. "There's a bit of a bleach stain near the collar, he only wears that one when he's annoyed with me." It was Emma's turn to frown. Who knew Liam Jones was actually Sherlock Holmes? "I also find it interesting that you came in wearing that," he continued, gesturing to her dress, or at least what little of it he could see, "knowing that he'd be gone for the next few days."

Emma pursed her lips, doing her best to keep a lid on her temper when it came to Liam and his opinions of her relationship with Killian. "And I find it interesting that you still don't understand anything about what goes on between me and Killian."

He chuckled mirthlessly. "Oh, I know far too much about what goes on between you and my brother. Such as the little incident last week when your rules kept him from going out to chase, causing him to miss a definite hook-echo and a confirmed tornado."

Her jaw actually ached from clenching it. "He didn't know for sure until late, and there's no guarantee he'd even have caught up with it in time-"

"But we'll never know that for sure, will we?"

"No, which makes your argument twice as stupid. We already talked it over, Liam, like an actual couple in an actual relationship, and we both apologized. So I'd appreciate it if you didn't go digging up dead horses to keep beating on them."

He shook his head. "We'll see. He might not be able to graduate with all the data he's missed, his advisor might hold him back again. It would be too bad, really. He's all hopeful about finalizing his dissertation-"

"God dammit, Liam, I know why he's going to Norman," she snapped, her restraint on her temper snapping. He was only being flippant to piss her off at this point, and she hated that it was working. "I'm the one who told him he should go. I live with him. I see how frustrated he is every single day, he needs to talk to someone who knows what the hell he's talking about when he talks about isobars or CAPEs or instability indices."

Liam's face clouded. "Then you know very well he needs to focus on what he needs to talk about when he goes!"

Emma scoffed. "Right, because he gets a lot of time to stop and ponder the mysteries of meteorology while he's tending bar. I completely forgot his workstation is back there and he can run experiments in between pulling pints. Please, if you really thought that then he'd have tonight off and we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"No, we wouldn't," Liam said, agreeing with her for once. "Because if he had been at home, you two would have done whatever it is you did to foul up my office in your own home and he wouldn't have any blood left in his brain to think about anything at all. He'd go into his meetings tomorrow without a clue of what to talk about because all his energy had been wasted in fucking you." Emma's mouth dropped open in stunned shock. "At least here he might have had a chance to think without you lurking about distracting him, but I suppose we don't live in a perfect world."

To her eternal embarrassment, she realized her eyes were stinging with tears. Liam had never really approved of them, but this stung worse for some reason. "No, we don't live in a perfect world," she said, giving herself a moment to make sure her voice wasn't shaking. "If we did, you'd understand that not everyone was a goddamn robot like you, without emotional wants or needs."

She turned and marched off towards the table before Liam could get another word in. She signaled to Ruby and Mary Margaret that she was leaving, and barely made it outside before she finally let those tears fall.

Three years ago…

It became a weekly thing, Ruby and Emma going out to the bar; Emma found it was more comfortable after she invited David, the other rookie at the department, to join them. She didn't feel like the lone cop hanging out and spying on people, and she had someone to talk shop with if Ruby got to chatting up someone else. And she liked David; he wasn't that much older but had the kind of passion for corny jokes and doling out tidbits of wisdom that she imagined the father she'd never had might.

The tidbits of wisdom grew less wise and even less coherent the more he drank, and with Ruby to ply him with more of those craft beers he liked so much, they heard more of those than the good ones.

"Please tell me you've got insurance for dart injuries," Emma said one night as she took a seat at the bar. It was her turn to refresh everyone and she was more than happy to get away from David trying to play darts over in the corner. It didn't help that there was a new girl joining them tonight, a teacher at the elementary school named Mary Margaret, and David thought this might impress her.

"I'll have to ask Liam," Killian said, watching the game with impish interest. "I don't know if that falls under liability or health."

Emma leaned on the bar, glancing over her shoulder and smiling at the scene: David trying to throw straight, thinking he'd landed it, looking expectantly at Mary Margaret, who - as she should - was looking at him like he was a few crayons short of a box. "If it gets much worse, I can stop it for drunk and disorderly conduct. Or just like, for his own good."

"Ah, Officer Swan in action, be still my heart," Killian said, and she knew from his tone he was only half-joking.

This was another thing that had become a semi-weekly occurrence. Despite their somewhat awkward first encounter, Emma definitely picked up on the fact that Killian was into her. And he wasn't weird about it - he smiled and flirted, gave her a free shot or two (usually with Liam glaring in the background), and none of their interactions gave her any indication that he expected anything in return. She'd watched him a bit with other customers, and yeah, he definitely flirted - to pull in tips. But there wasn't anything behind it, no heat or whatever; when it was just the two of them, Emma definitely felt like he was laying on a bit of charm.

But it was charm without expectations. Which was… kind of refreshing, honestly.

So she flirted back. Not all the time, just a little to let him know she was kind of, sort of, maybe interested. Which she was, she just… also wasn't sure if it was appropriate. And she didn't know who to ask about it. It was really more of an ethical thing than anything else, abuse of power or whatever, but it had enough pull to make her hesitant about giving him anything more than an inch.

"Easy, Jones, I left the handcuffs in my locker," Emma said, taking the offered glass of water.

"Pity, that."

She snorted, spraying water up into her face, and Killian tossed a hand towel at her while trying his best not to laugh (which was a piss-poor effort if it was his best). Emma glared at him over the towel, throwing it in his face when she was done. "You're the worst," she told him.

"I'm simply a man who knows what he likes, love."

Yeah well, I didn't need that image in my head, she thought, glad that she was sober enough to keep that particular thought to herself. She heard him chuckle, though, which is how she knew the warmth in her cheeks wasn't just from the crowded room or the alcohol she'd already drank.

She let him get back to work, if for no other reason than both Ruby and Mary Margaret had taken some not so subtle looks in her direction to see what she was up to. She waved the next time Ruby glanced over, then laughed at how Mary Margaret had apparently decided to show David what, exactly, was up and kick his ass at darts.

To his credit, none of this seemed to make David any less determined to flirt with her; and to her credit, Mary Margaret seemed to be into whatever that whole wobbly side-lean thing was that David had going for him right now.

Ruby looked torn between amusement and a need to vomit. Emma didn't blame her.

A tray nudged her elbow; Emma looked back, a little surprised to see Liam putting her orders on it. "Be careful with him, will you?" Liam asked, digging for a bottle under the bar.

"Who, David? I'm not the one you've gotta warn for that," Emma said, digging in her pocket for her money clip.

Liam side-eyed her. "I'm not talking about Officer Nolan; I'm talking about my brother."

She raised an eyebrow at that, wondering if maybe she had drank too much after all. There were a few possibilities at his meaning, but she couldn't really figure out what he was referring to or why he might bring it up now. The orders placed, Liam stood back, arms crossed over his chest in what was probably supposed to be an intimidating way, staring her down. "I'm not sure I understand what you're talking about," she said finally.

Let him make himself clear, then remove yourself from the situation.

She laid a couple of bills down on the counter while he continued to glower at her. "Killian," Liam said, as if that had been the cryptic part. "He thinks he's all smitten with you. Well, be careful how you tread with him, Officer Swan. He's come too far to mess anything up now; he's too close to being done with his research and doesn't need any distractions."

Both of Emma's eyebrows shot up, her mouth going slack at the accusation that she was just playing around, that she had no regard for how Killian would feel if anything were to happen between them.

Though, a part of her stung where Liam had gotten a bit too close to the truth, that she was just playing around. She wasn't playing around, though. Killian was a grown-ass man flirting with a grown-ass woman who decided to flirt back sometimes. They were both adults who could make their own decisions in this, Liam be damned.

Whatever 'this' was.

"Seems like there's two people in this mix, Jones," Emma said finally. "So why is it you're only talking to one of them?"

She picked up her tray and left before he could answer, silently fuming. Her return to the table was met with cheers and she took a hearty swig of her beer to wash the taste of that encounter from her mouth.

Still, despite how entertaining Mary Margaret and David's absurd flirting was, Ruby seemed to pick up on the fact that Emma wasn't in the 'having fun' headspace anymore. "Okay, spill," she said, leaning in close over the small table. "I thought you and pretty boy were having a decent time up there but now you're really bringing the room down."

Emma rolled her eyes, taking another swig of her beer. "It's not pretty boy that's the problem," she said, feeling sour.

She repeated what had happened when Liam came to fill their orders, trying not to let her own hurt feelings stain the encounter; but Ruby was Ruby and you could never hide anything from her for too long. When Emma finished, Ruby was sending death glares Liam's way; her eyeliner and dark red lipstick only served to make her look more menacing and Emma was suddenly very glad that Ruby was one of her best friends. "He's slut-shaming you," she said, her sharp eyes snapping back to Emma's. "Without the... y'know, actual sleeping together part."

Well, that explained why Emma felt so irritated. "God, like Killian never looked twice at a woman before. Unless this guy has given the whole 'you're a distraction' speech to everyone who's ever dared to flirt with his brother before."

"He'd be hella busy if that was the case."

"You did not just say 'hella'."

Ruby grinned, reaching across the table and shoving Emma. "Seriously, though, Liam can be kind of an asshole. Personally, I think he needs to get laid, get that stick out of his ass-"

"Ruby."

"I'm trying, he's just not biting!"

"Not what I meant."

Ruby rolled her eyes. "Well, anyway, he's kind of an ass. And I'm sure there's some big brotherly concern there. And, to be fair, you did threaten Killian the first time you met him."

Emma scoffed, picking up her pint. "To prove a point. And because he was being kind of an ass." She paused, letting the rim of the glass rest against her chin as she thought. Maybe Ruby would have some kind of insight. "Though... I guess it just kinda stung about the playing around part. I'm not sure if I could date Killian, if it came to that."

"So you're thinking about it?" Ruby sounded way too interested in this possibility.

"Stop it," Emma warned. "Floating possibilities. But the fact that I did meet him because of a police call kind of... it feels weird. And I'm not sure if I should even consider anything if any part of this doesn't make me feel one hundred percent okay. Does that sound too, I don't know, priggish?"

Ruby held up a finger and downed the rest of her martini. She set the glass down and speared the olive, using it to point at Emma. "Okay, one, no one says 'priggish', so cut that from your vocabulary. Two, very few things make you feel one hundred percent okay with taking part in them; those things are massages that you're using a gift card to pay for, and an orgasm with a vibrator."

"Why an-"

"Because there's no messy human attached to the other end, and no one knows what you like better than you," Ruby explained in such a way that led Emma to believe this wasn't the first time she'd used this particular example. "You're supposed to take risks when it comes to meeting other people, because other people in general are just a huge risk. Is it your soulmate or a serial killer whose gonna use your femur in his coffee in the morning?"

Emma winced. "Ruby. Gross."

"But plausible," she said, sticking the olive in her mouth. "And three, it's not that weird to date someone you met during a work thing, even if the work thing wasn't completely on the straight and narrow. You didn't arrest him, you roughed him up a bit with words. It turned out to be a misunderstanding. It would be different if this was like, good cop shacking up with drug lord, but it's not. This isn't Detroit, this is Storybrooke. We don't have a lot going on here."

Emma sighed. As much as Ruby had a point, she still couldn't quite resolve that in her gut. "I'm still gonna talk to Graham about it," she said finally, taking another drink. "I don't want to find the one thing that's completely loophole proof."

"Nothing is completely loophole proof," Ruby said.

"The one thing that's completely Ruby-proof."

The other woman grinned and raised her empty glass in a mocking toast. Emma inclined her head and took a hefty swig of beer, just as Mary Margaret whooped nearby. "Bullseye!"

They tabled the discussion on Emma's theoretical love life and she really did try to enjoy the rest of their evening. She and Mary Margaret teamed up in doubles against Ruby and David; and considering she carried the entire team, Ruby held up very well on her own. David, despite his best intentions, only wound up putting more holes in Liam's walls and loudly declared the other team was cheating by moving the board on him.

It was around that time that Emma declared it was time to go home. "You're gonna get more drunk and then more disorderly, and we're having too a nice time for me to arrest you," she said, easing David away from the darts and towards the door.

"I'm a police officer, you can't arrest me," he said.

She hummed. "Yeah, no, that's not how it works in my book."

"Is your book the law?" David asked, slurring more. "Because my book is the law and my book is better than your book."

She tried her best to keep a straight face but kept snickering. Mary Margaret wasn't entirely sober herself but she still rolled her eyes as she picked up her purse. Ruby, who'd drunk more than either of the other women, looked fresh as a daisy and moved easily on her heels. "Come on, Officer Nolan, let's get you back home before the chief hears about this."

She led the way through the crowd, leaving Emma and Mary Margaret to guide David in her wake. Once outside, Emma shivered slightly; it was the end of June, but after being in the stifling bar all night the temperature shift was a shock. There was a rumble of thunder in the distance that told her it would get even cooler, and it only made her move faster - the last thing she wanted was to get caught in the rain trying to get a drunk man home.

"Swan!"

Emma paused in the street, turning slightly. Killian hurried out the door to catch up to them. "Liam's going to kill you for leaving early," Ruby pointed out, the next crack of thunder in the distance seeming to put emphasis on her words.

Killian waved his hand as if brushing the notion off; Emma thought she had a point but kept that to herself. "It's just for a moment and then it'll be as if I never left. Do you mind if I speak to Emma for a moment?"

She could practically hear Ruby's eyebrows go up, but it was Mary Margaret who spoke. "Ruby, help me get David down to the corner; he can lean on the telephone pole. Emma, we'll wait over there, okay?"

Emma nodded, grateful that they'd stay nearby enough to wait but not to eavesdrop, and then she was left standing in the middle of the road with Killian. She shifted her weight, crossing and uncrossing her arms as she tried to make herself feel a little less visible, a little less exposed like this. "So… what's up?" she asked finally.

He was looking at her with an expression she couldn't pin down to one emotion: a mix of hope, wistfulness, determination, maybe a little bit of fear. The next rumble of thunder sounded closer; the storm was rolling in, and he seemed to stand up straighter with it. She swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry as she put the pieces together for what was about to happen. "Swan, I- I was hoping you might like to join me for dinner one night. Friday. Or Saturday, or… I'm afraid I don't know what the chief has you scheduled for, but perhaps we could come to some kind of agreement?"

"Killian-"

"Look, I know Liam's already tried to warn you off." Emma blinked at that; maybe this wasn't the first time Liam had pulled that particular stunt, or maybe he'd taken her jab to heart and talked to Killian too. "He's got it in his head that it's his job to keep me on the path, especially when it comes to girls. But I'm asking you to tell my dear brother to piss off and just come to dinner. Please."

Her lips pursed. The wind picked up a little, blowing some hair in her face. She reached up and tucked it behind her ear, glad for another moment to compose herself. "I'm not gonna lie. Liam didn't scare me, but he sure did piss me off," she said.

Killian winced, a streak of lightning throwing him into sharp relief. "Bloody hell… I'm sorry for him, truly. My last… well, I don't want to get into it, but my last relationship didn't go well at all and Liam seemed to take it more personally."

She still stung from earlier, and the looming conversation she'd decided to have about it with Graham stuck out in her mind. But she didn't particularly care for the thought of leaving Killian out to dry just because he had an overprotective ass for a brother or she had possible ethical conflicts. "I… I have to think about it," she said finally. "It's not Liam, it's… it's other stuff."

He seemed to deflate a little. "I see."

The wind ruffled his hair and she felt terrible for how pitiful he looked in that moment. "It's not that- Look, I want to," she said, admitting it to herself even as she verbalized it to him. "I do, it's just… weird, because of how we met. And I don't know if that's allowed, and I just don't- I just want to make sure we're on even ground first, okay?"

And just as quickly as she'd felt awful a moment before, it made her warm to see how much that little explanation seemed to brighten him up. "So you have to, what, clear it with an ethics committee?"

Emma winced as lightning flashed overhead and thunder rolled in hard on its heels. Dear God, she hoped not. "No, probably just have to check with my boss. I hope. I've never done this before."

"This?" he asked, his eyebrow quirking with interest.

"Gone out with a potential felon," she deadpanned.

Something in him shifted as he slid his hands into his own pockets, swaying into her personal space; that flirtatious air was back, the crooked grin and the raised eyebrow, and Emma had to actually bite the inside of her lip to keep from giggling. "Well, Officer Swan, rest assured that in the event that you do have to arrest me, I have every intention of cooperating with your requests and, ah, coming quietly."

Emma winced again, this time from just how awful that joke was, and covered her face. Killian barked a laugh, the sound carrying on the wind. "Here," he said, and she saw him pull his hand out of his pocket, holding something. "Call me, will you? Or text. When you have an answer?"

His number was scribbled on a napkin. As she reached to take it, he caught her hand in his grasp and pulled it up to his lips, brushing a kiss on her knuckles. The world seemed to stop in that instant, his lips lingering against her skin, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. Her eyes met his and held, each searching the other, and she wondered what would happen if she said 'yes' right now. "Think about it," he said, his breath warm on the back of her hand.

Goosebumps rippled up her arm and down her back and heat burned in her cheeks. "I… okay," she said softly.

Killian grinned, but it wasn't cocky or triumphant - no, it was just happy, and maybe a little bit relieved. "Okay," he said, punctuating it with a little chuckle of disbelief.

He let her go, the napkin with his number crumpled in her fist, and they stepped back from each other, matching silly grins on their faces. The wind picked up again and more thunder made itself known, reminding them both of the urgency to get inside and breaking most of the reluctance to leave. Killian turned back towards the bar, and Emma turned towards her friends, but at the curb she looked back; he lingered in the door, watching her go, and he raised a hand in farewell before ducking inside.

As she caught up with the others, a small smile still playing on her lips, she barely heard Ruby ask what he'd wanted to discuss. She only wanted to replay that moment over and over again in her mind, try to memorize how he looked when he was bent over her hand, the way his lips felt against her skin.

She was fucked and she hadn't even agreed to - hadn't even found out if she could - go out with him.

She just shook her head, hoping that would be enough to deter Ruby, but that damn smile wouldn't go away. And at any rate, Ruby wasn't one to be deterred. Emma just pulled her hand out of her pocket, still holding the napkin, and held it up, still smiling, as her friends gasped and shouted their joy - all while poor David, leaning most of his weight on Mary Margaret, slurred his congratulations while trying to remember how his feet worked.

"Nothing's set in stone," Emma said, trying and failing to sound rational and calm.

"It'll be fine, Emma," Ruby declared. "Even if I have to forge Graham's signature on some made-up ethics paper he'll claim we have."

"Ruby-"

"No, Emma, I will not tell you how many times I've done that."

Emma rolled her eyes and slung one of David's arms over her shoulders. "It's probably better if I don't know, anyway."

"The tagline of our friendship, baby."

"Oh my God."

Later that night, after everyone had gotten safely home, Emma lay safely in her bed, staring at the numbers scrawled on paper. Her phone sat on her stomach, still warm from how she'd been gripping it and typed and retyped several messages before erasing all of it and giving up.

Just tell him hi.

No, that's stupid. He said to text or call when we had an answer.

He didn't specify if the answer was just a general 'yeah let's go out on Friday' or if it was if we're allowed to date him.

What if he takes it the wrong way?

It's Killian. He's just going to be happy to see something from you.

Emma huffed, annoyed at the argument spinning around and around in her head. She listened to the gentle rain on the street outside, to the wind making the house settle, to the leaves rustling in the trees just outside her open window.

She picked up her phone.

Hey. It's Emma. Just so you have my number or whatever. You're probably still at work. Have a good rest of your night.

There. Simple. Straight to the point, an exchange of numbers, telling him goodnight. Satisfied, she plugged the phone in and went about her routine to get ready for bed.

She slept soundly until her alarm went off two hours before her shift started, and when she managed to blindly find her phone to turn it off, she saw there was an unread message in her inbox.

Hello, Swan. Thanks for checking in. Boring rest of the night, fyi, not much fun without my favorite constable.

Emma told herself the dopey smile on her face was from how tired she still was, how she hadn't had a shower or coffee to properly wake up. She didn't respond, clicking the screen off and getting out of bed, stretching.

The next time she texted, she'd like to have an answer to give him.