#if I forgot someone this time I’m going to cry
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WHERES ALL THE ANGST!!!!!
i needed something injected into my veins rq yayyy i wrote this in like 5 mins so it’s ass no context I GOT THE LAST LINE FFROM A PROMPT LIST BUT I LOST IT I NEED TO FIND IT BUT I NEEDED TO CRRYYY SOMEONE MAKE ME CRY PLEASEPELASS
vi being a piece of shit and projecting onto her sneaky link bc she misses yet resents cait I MISS EMO VI SO BAD …. OHHH MY SHAYYLAAAA
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“C-Can you kiss me slower?”
“… What?”
“I asked if you could kiss me slower.”
“I heard what you said. Why’d you say it.”
Your eyes remain shut for your own protection. You fucked up the second you opened your mouth for anything other than the acceptance of her tongue. Your fists ache from how hard they clench on her back. Vi sighs before dropping her hands from your cheeks and rising completely from the bed. Only when you hear her rummaging through her liquor boxes do you open your eyes.
The arrangement she set up for the both of you had very simple instructions. You walk her home from the rink whenever she’s too fucked up to function on her own, and she eats you out in repayment, but you don’t speak about anything. No goals, no aspirations, no past hook-ups, no trauma, no nothing. You just guide her home, get your brains fucked out, then leave while she cries into her pillow. You never have the courage to ask what breaks her every night. When you first met, you attempted to keep the conversation light and goofy with every intention of cheering up a seemingly struggling individual. You would’ve never approached her if you knew this would be the outcome.
Vi’s especially cruel when she’s intoxicated.
You don’t know much about her, but on a good day, she’s caring and protective. You’ve only ever seen blips of that gentle side whenever somebody at the bar or rink tries drunkenly touching you in places they shouldn’t, but your heart never forgot even though she has.
“I hate when you do shit like that.”
She speaks with such calm conviction. Your face burns in embarrassment while your heart pounds in anxiety. You hate when she calls you out on your sensitivity. You’re not sure what’s happened over the past month. Maybe distance really does make the heart grow fonder. To say you missed Vi was, secretly, an understatement. Her warmth comforted you in a way your blanket never could.
“Sorry.” You say meekly, already reaching for your pants off the floor.
“Are you actually? It’s your second time doin’ it.” Liquid sloshes and you know she’s drinking from the source.
“I said I’m sorry. The fuck do you want from me?”
She scoffs with a bandaged fist clenched around her bottle’s neck, “I made it clear the second I met you, didn’t I?”
A distraction. A temporary fix. A midnight companion until she got her shit together. You know you’ve fucking heard all of it.
“I hear you, okay? My fucking bad—“
“What the fuck did you think was gonna come from this? I’m actually curious!”
You scramble to redress with a lump in your throat, trying your hardest to dismiss the beration she throws at you.
“You know what’s crazy about people like you? After everything we go through down here, you’re still so fucking trusting. Couldn’t sense danger if it was starin’ you right in the face, huh?”
Where the fuck did you put your bag? “Do you have to be such a fucking asshol—“ Your sob chokes when you drop to your knees and snatch your satchel from underneath her bed. Despite how small her space is, the door feels miles away.
“Don't you get it? I’m not a fucking fanasty, I’m not gonna save you, we’re not gonna be together—“
“FUCK YOU!”
“Yeah, fuck you, too. Maybe you shouldn’t have put your trust in someone else so much—“
You slam the door before she can spill anything else.
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there’s one thing that can make you forgive someone.
the house feels like it’s holding its breath. the aftermath of the argument is heavy, suffocating, and you’re tucked away in the guest room, sitting cross-legged on the bed with tear-streaked cheeks and trembling hands. you can’t stop replaying his words—how sharp they were, how they cut deeper than you thought they ever could.
it wasn’t supposed to get this bad. it started with something small, like most fights do. matt had forgotten to pick up the dry cleaning again, and after a long week of juggling everything, you finally let your frustration spill out.
“you said you’d handle it, matt,” you’d said, your voice tight but measured, trying to keep the conversation from escalating. “i don’t ask for much, but when i do, it’s like you don’t even listen.”
he sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. “i was busy. do you know how much i’ve had going on? i just forgot.”
“you always forget,” you shot back, louder this time. “you say you’ll do things, but you never actually follow through. do you know how exhausting it is to feel like I have to remind you about everything?”
his frustration boiled over then, his voice raising to match yours. “oh, here we go again. nothing i do is ever good enough for you, is it? i could move mountains, and you’d still find a reason to nitpick.”
you flinched, the weight of his words settling in your chest, but you pushed forward anyway. “it’s not about nitpicking, matt. it’s about showing that you care. when you forget things, it makes me feel like I don’t matter to you—like what I need doesn’t matter.”
“don’t do that,” he snapped, his voice sharp enough to slice through the tension in the room. “don’t twist this into me not caring about you. i’m not the one who’s impossible to please. maybe the problem isn’t me—maybe it’s you.”
that was it. the air left your lungs, the tears starting to fall before you could even stop them. you stood there for a moment, staring at him, hoping he’d take it back, that he’d realize what he just said. but he didn’t. his jaw was tight, his shoulders stiff, and it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything else.
so you left. you walked out of the room, slammed the guest room door behind you, and let yourself break down, muffling your sobs into a pillow to keep the neighbors from hearing.
matt’s lying on the bed now, staring up at the ceiling with wide, tired eyes. the clock on the nightstand glows red—2:47 a.m.��but sleep is the last thing on his mind. the only thing he can think about is you, about how he let his frustration get the better of him, about how deeply he hurt you.
he keeps replaying his words over and over, each repetition twisting the knife in his gut. he didn’t mean it—not a single word—but he knows that doesn’t matter. the look on your face when he said it… he’ll never forget it.
he’s restless, his chest tight with guilt. he hates sleeping on bad terms with you, but tonight he knows he’s the one who pushed you away. the one who needs to fix it.
you’ve been crying on and off for hours, but now, as the clock ticks past 3 a.m., the tears have mostly stopped. all that’s left is a dull ache in your chest and the realization that you can’t do this. you can’t sleep without him. you can’t sleep knowing this is how things stand between you.
you wipe your face with the sleeve of your sweatshirt, take a shaky breath, and get up. the walk to the bedroom feels impossibly long, but when you push the door open, matt is already sitting up, his head snapping toward the sound.
“hey,” he says softly, his voice rough and cautious.
“hey,” you whisper back, stepping inside and shutting the door behind you.
for a moment, neither of you speaks. you stay by the door, your arms wrapped around yourself, and matt looks like he wants to get up and close the distance but doesn’t know if he should.
finally, you break the silence. “i couldn’t sleep,” you admit.
“me neither,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.
you move toward the bed slowly, sitting down on the edge, and matt shifts closer, his hands fidgeting nervously. “i’m sorry,” he says, his voice cracking. “for everything i said. for snapping at you. i didn’t mean any of it—i swear. i was angry, and i said the worst thing i could, and that’s on me. i’m so sorry, baby.”
you stare at your hands for a moment, his apology sinking in. “you really hurt me, matt,” you say quietly, your voice trembling. “when you said… that maybe the problem is me, it felt like you didn’t even know me. like you didn’t care how much that would hurt.”
he reaches for your hand, and when you don’t pull away, he takes it gently, holding it like it’s the most precious thing in the world. “i care,” he says, his voice desperate. “more than anything. i was frustrated, and i lashed out. i don’t even believe what i said—it’s not true, not even close. you’re not the problem. you’re everything to me.”
you nod, tears pooling in your eyes again, but this time they’re different—softer, less heavy. “i know you didn’t mean it,” you say. “but i need you to understand how much it hurts when you let your frustration out on me like that. it makes me feel like i’m walking on eggshells, and i don’t want to feel that way with you.”
“you shouldn’t have to,” he says quickly. “and you won’t. i’ll do better—I promise. i hate that i made you feel like that.”
you squeeze his hand, finally meeting his eyes. “i forgive you,” you say softly. “but you owe me big time for this one.”
“anything,” he says immediately, his face lighting up with a small, hopeful smile.
“donuts,” you say, your lips twitching into the faintest hint of a smile. “in the morning. my favorite ones from krispy kreme.
“done,” he says, pulling you into his arms.
you melt into him, the tension in your chest easing for the first time all night. as the two of you settle into bed, tangled together, the weight of the argument lifts, leaving behind the promise of something better.
a/n: hellurrrr i felt like writing chill angst that ends in fluff and involved donuts so here we are ❤️ im probably gonna post a few times today causeee theres millions of things marinating in my drafts…
tags: @sturniolo04 @admeliora94 @claireezz10 @strnilolover @snuffbut @frattboychris @marrykisskilled @mqttittude @purpledragon222
#cayleeuhithinknott#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo angst#angst#angst with a happy ending#fluff#donuts#krispy kreme#aye
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#shane walsh x reader#peeta mellark x reader#peeta x reader#jhope x reader#j hope x reader#six x reader#court gentry x reader#draco malfoy x reader#mattheo riddle x reader#Rhysand acotar x reader#rhysand x reader#if I forgot someone this time I’m going to cry
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hozier starting to sing take me to church and then unfurling a pride flag healed something in me actually
if you listen closely you can hear me yell ‘oh my god’ when he does it
#(don’t listen too closely though I’m a bad singer lol)#I tried to post this Sunday night but it didn’t go through#I had no idea he was going to do it I almost cried#not leverage#hozier#slept at our airbnb for like 4 hours#woke up for an hour until Cumbies would be open so I could get breakfast (5am)#and then drove over 2.5 hours to get back home in time to get prepared for work#I ended up teaching my two hour group and then working till twelve and taking the rest of the day off#I forgot my meds so I slept ten hours until 10 at night 💀#worth it#seeing him was a spiritual experience fr#and this was like SO spontaneous. like I cannot express enough how much I didn’t plan for this#also I literally got my tickets saturday when the show was sunday. thank u stubhub ur a true mvp#I knew my friends were going and were staying overnight and someone in my facebook group was selling tickets last minute and was like 👀👀👀#I’m not gonna go into how she decided to sell to someone else later that day when I had already made plans and made me cry but whatever#it worked out in the end
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Spoke to someone I don’t know over the phone, 11 dead, 32 injured
#I’m all flowery on here but in real life conversation I am the driest most uncomfortably pragmatic person alive#I’ve been scolded for being so task-focused that I forgot to say hello to the secretaries in high school when I went to do a task#or for having an “attitude” with my parents (often when I was purposefully trying to appear humble with an “idk” voice)#so I’ve amended that by fake laughing at everything and keeping my customer service voice on All The Time#0/10 it works flawlessly but I’ve also made myself into a socially anxious doormat#I’ve been the one to break it to people that their friend died on more than one occasion and I always feel bad about how I do it#I usually just blurt it out because I don’t know how to lead up to it other than saying “maybe you should sit down for this”#it would be wrong if I knew and didn’t tell them#so it has to be me… you know?#I’m so disconnected from any feelings of grief (I’ve never felt bereavement in my life) that it feels wrong for it to be me#because I’m physically incapable of sharing in their pain and emotions; I literally don’t understand it#but sometimes I’ll cry reflexively if I see someone else crying even if I don’t have any actual feelings for them or their situation#I’m more disturbed by knowing of people who are alive going through pain than I am by knowing someone died#because death is natural; suffering isn’t#unless the person is a child or otherwise very young#but if they’re old and lived a fulfilling life I recognize they’ve had a fulfilling life and hope that my life#is as fulfilling as theirs was when I go#I’m not afraid of death; I’d just like to not go before I’m good and ready#When I go away I hope that I WANT to go away; you know?
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#holy shit I was so worried about the doctors appointment with the cyst today#but finally good news!!! I’m so relieved!!! ;u;#my regular doctor is out for several months so they sent me to someone else and I liked her so much more???#she gave me stronger pain meds without me even asking#gave me more information that the er forgot to tell me#we said I had a cyst she was like well you did but it burst while you were in the er#she doesn’t think I’ll need surgery but they’re gonna do another ultrasound in 3 months to make sure everything healed properly#and that there weren’t any other u dwelling problems#she’s also gonna let me get my fallopian tubes removed!!! ;u;#my other doctor wouldn’t let me do it- my friend just had hers taken out and I was gonna go to the doctor that did hers but#she said she’s childfeee herself and believes it is 100% the patients choice#and she even said I can keep using the iud even if I get them removed to treat the endometriosis and to keep stopping my periods#IM GONNA CRY#DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IVE STRUGGLED? DO YOU KNOW HIW MANG TIMES IVE BEEN TOLD NO???#IM SO FUCKING RELIEVED!!!!!! ;u;#AHHHHHHHHH#LIFES BEEN SHIT FOR SO LONG THIS IS HUGE#IM GONNA CRY IM SO RELIEVED AN DHAPLY OMG
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Keep having recurring dreams that I’m in prison
#last night’s three dream sequences were all bananas in different ways#so i fell asleep for exactly one hour before my bladder woke me up#in that time i had a dream about this tv show where magical girls were doing insane shit#someone had faked their death in a lighthouse or somethig#anyway i heard the theme song and it was a BOP but i couldn’t remember it once i woke up even though i’d literally Just heard it#there was one line that was talking about how the most important thing in life is to be loved#so i went to the bathroom and then i couldn’t get back to sleep so i read two chapters of my book. then fell asleep again#had a dream i was a prison guard but the rules were too harsh (couldn’t have weed) so i escaped and joined the army instead#and they were asking me about a million questions about prison guarding and i had to be really evasive and weird#then i had a dream i can’t remember much about other than that chris chan was in it#and i got in a random car and drove off; presumably to get away from her but i can’t be sure#ended up on a college campus and one of the professors was talking absolutely insane shit about one of his students#basically making fun of her for crying in class and said something about how her loved one had died a week ago and she should be over it#by now. so i walked directly up to him and spat in his face and then ran away#why would i dream this. why would i dream any of this#i’ve always had really vivid and weird dreams but i feel like going on citalopram just ramped them up to an insane degree#i have been off it for a few days but it doesn’t seem to have changed anything about like….. me. or how i am#(i’m not quitting i just forgot to fill my prescription lol. i’ll do it tomorrow#i’m on a low dose so few to no withdrawals. i’m not totally stupid. i did check up on this stuff and i’m still taking my beta blockers)#personal
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if i had magic powers rn i would explode every cricket and/or peeper frog in a five mile radius with my brain
#kit talks#drove ro visit relatives after work. exhausted#can’t sleep because the sheets are itchy and it’s too warm and the FUCKING peeping noise i’m going to kill someone#i already yanked the clock off the wall and pulled out the battery because the ticking was about to make me McFucking Lose It#and i tried earplugs but my ears are too sensitive and they hurt and were uncomfortable#and i pee roughly 1000 times a night but i fee self conscious about it and don’t wanna wake or disturb anyone when i flush the toilet#god i just want to sleep. like gonna cry want to sleep#AND i forgot to bring my sleep meds so I’m just EXTRA fucked
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Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.
I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.
Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.
I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.
5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.
I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.
I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.
I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.
I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.
I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.
But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.
I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.
It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.
If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.
Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.
It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.
You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.
Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird” ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.
Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.
#ftm#ftx#genderqueer#transgender#lgbtqiaplus#lgbtqia#queer#trans#trans man#transmasc#trans masculinity#transmasculine#queer masculinty#trans men#trans writing#trans writers#trans pride#transblr#queer writers#queer artist#queer community#queer pride#lgbtq#non binary#genderfluid#lgbtq community#enby#enby pride#trans nonbinary#gor3sigil.txt
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Weight talk tw I guess idk how to describe the post sorry im a little high
It’s so weird being around people who talk about weight problems (IOP) and like idk it brings up weird shit in my brain almost anxiety that I should feel bad about myself somehow like I’m doing this wrong being confident idk. Weird self doubt thing that happens when you’ve loved yourself (hmm. Rephrase. I don’t care about being fat. let’s say that.) and then you’re in a room full of people having a group discussion about how they avoid living their life in happy ways because they don’t want to become like you. But you love yourself. But everyone in your life since you were little has been dieting and talking about weight and specific numbers (someone was anxious about gaining seven pounds! SEVEN. If they saw my scale they would shit themselves. I put on seven pounds taking a big bong rip Jesus fucking Christ seven pounds. I wanted to rip my hair out.)
Next time weight issues come up in IOP I’m stepping out of the room. Like idk how to explain it cause it’s like not a trigger but I guess it is ? But it’s just so weird like the way I’m triggered makes me want to cry why does the world hate me for being fat what the fuck !!!!
#me when I gain weight issues through thinking about my own body in a group setting#ughhh#whatever fuck it#taking an anxiety med chavas at work Levi’s on a train (EXCITED!!!!) I’m gonna take my little sedative friend and try to take a nap bc six#and a half hours after the last two days I’ve had is fucking nothing. going to nap city will fix me.#also taking my morning med. I haven’t done that yet I need to eat *stares into camera* to take my meds gahhhh I hate having a human form an#intestines just take the med with one cracker and not get sick what the fuck body I’m so sick of heart burn I want to burn down the world#and now that I’ve had a med increase I get fucking withdrawal symptoms if I miss a morning dose which I found out bc I left my meds at home#accidentally on Monday when I was so overtired and forgot to put them back in my bag for IOP (cause they have food at IOP so I take them#there once I’ve eaten) and then I had a headache for like half of the day and I was so overtired I was crying on the drive home cause I#wanted to sleep so bad and then I got home and my brain wouldn’t shut the fuck up even on the sleep meds until I talked to kath and she#calmed me down just existing the little sweetheart god I love her okay anyways babble over I’m very overtired and a little cranky and my#brother has been in a very bitchy mood recently idk what’s got him on edge but everything is setting him off into little fights like not#just with me he was fighting with mom this morning he’s just kick to getting worked up recently which leads to me being angry wanting to be#rude which means do the opposite which means show extra compassion woohoo coping skills 🗣️🗣️#anyways. post panic attack sedative nap (my beloved) or perhaps work on editing my vlog#I’m high I forgot you can’t hit comma on tags. edit my vlog. vacuum. (I always spell vacuum with two c’s and not two u’s and I think#autocorrect should not correct me on that one bc I think I am right in my soul idk why#there’s another word I’m like that with but I forget what it is . okay bye thank you for listening to my type words goodbye goodnight mwah#it’s nap time babyyyyyy#idk if I have to trigger tag this ? someone let me know if I do please
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How their kid breaks their heart — Jujutsu Kaisean
( cw ) f!reader, fluff, domestic, kinda hurt/comfort but not really hehe just butt hurt husbands, breastfeeding
featuring. Gojo Satoru, Choso Kamo, Nanami Kento
authors note. I haven’t written anything in so long I think I forgot how to. Anyway, I love dilfs ❤️ JJK dilfs are my favorite thing ever.
CHOSO KAMO
Choso’s infant has been screaming for what felt like hours, he has a clean diaper, there aren’t any tags on his clothes that may be bothering him, he’s swaddled tightly, and he refuses to drink the lukewarm bottle Choso made him so that must mean he’s not hungry, right? Choso just wanted to be able to do this himself, take care of his baby, and not depend on you so much but when you step into your bedroom after returning home, he almost starts crying too. “I-I can’t-” He stutters, eyes wide as you make your way into your shade bed. “Hey, hey it’s okay baby.” You whisper as your hand moves to cup the side of his face. You lift his head and kiss him a few times before reaching for your baby. He continues to scream before you give him your breast. He settles down almost instantly. “He hates me.” Choso almost whimpers as he lays his head on your shoulder, the both of you looking down at the little boy. “No, he doesn’t, I promise you he doesn’t.” You say, reaching down to kiss his forehead. “I tried to feed him and he just turned his head and screamed, it felt like he was cursing me.” He grumbles, rubbing at the baby’s swaddled feet. “That’s because he it’s used to the bottle, he’d rather have a boob, rather suck the nipple than the bottle tip.” You explain to your husband. “Well, at least he takes at me in that regard.” “You’re disgusting.”
GOJO SATORU
“Daddy look, it’s Uncle ‘Guru!” Your daughter squeals as she grabs a photo from the pile on the floor between your little family. You guys were supposed to be making a scrapbook but Satoru and your daughter weren’t much of a help. “Yes, that is Suguru baby! That’s from when we were back in high school and look mommy’s there too” Satoru smiles at the photo. “Were you and Mommy married?” She asks with a smile on her face. “No, not yet—“ “I’m gonna marry Uncle ‘Guru!” She exclaims, looking at her father with a huge smile on her face as the thought infiltrates her mind. Satoru feels his heart sink into his stomach. This can’t be happening. “He’ll be the bestest husband in the whole world Daddy!” “What about me baby? Wouldn’t you rather marry someone like Daddy?” He whines trying to take this picture out of her hands. “Nope! I wanna marry Uncle ‘Guru! You’re too stinky.” She side-eyes him before going to sit next to you, picture still in hand. Satoru just stares at her, mouth slightly agape as she smiles down at the old picture. You lean over the scrapbook and pat your husband’s knee. “Well, ‘Toru that’s another one of our daughters that would rather marry Suguru. Better luck next time.”
NANAMI KENTO
“Come to Daddy!” “No come to mommy!” You playfully shove at Nanami’s shoulder. Your baby stares at you two from a few feet away with curiosity. You guys were doing that trend that was circling social media, set your baby across the room and see who they crawl to. “Daddy lets you eat some of his solid foods, come to me, sweetheart.” Nanami pats the floor, motioning for your baby to come his way. Your baby starts to crawl slowly, looking at both of you, questioning who he wants to crawl to. “Mommy has an endless supply of food on her right now, Daddy doesn’t have any on him! Come to Mommy!” You tap at the hardwood floors. Your baby seems to make up his mind then and rushes to you. Nanami frowns as you jump up and celebrate. He was certain you he would crawl to him. “Ha! I win you lose! Mommy’s the best!” You laugh and soon enough your son starts to laugh too and even though Nanami is a little hurt he can’t help but smile and join his little family’s celebration.
#.satoruan writes#gojo x reader#gojo x y/n#gojo x you#jjk#gojo satoru#gojo fluff#geto x y/n#geto x you#jjk nanami#nanami x reader#nanami fluff#kento nanami#jjk choso#jjk x y/n#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#jjk x you
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carmy! i have a request, it’s so basic but everything you write is golden. him and r are pining coworkers, and maybe someone else yells at her or upsets her or whatever and he’s like but i’m the only one allowed to shout at you and he hugs her (because you know… arms 👀)
—Carmy tries to make you feel better after a customer upsets you. fem, 1.5k
“Fucking asshole,” Richie mutters as the door swings closed.
Carmy would cringe if he had the energy, or a lack of self-awareness —it’s not as though he doesn’t swear like a starved sailor every other sentence.
“Who’s the asshole?” he asks, feeling down his side for the bump of a box of cigarettes he doesn’t find.
He’s taken to hiding them in the office. He’d love to pretend it was an act of lent, but in actuality, he never told Ritchie that the box of cigarettes left near the burner, that gave them their C-army rating, wasn’t Richie’s at all, but Carmy’s. He isn’t ever planning on having that conversation, so he’s trying not to carry a box around and leave it somewhere stupid again.
“Fucking– you didn’t just hear that guy?” Richie asks, scowling.
Carmy scowls back. “Yeah, that’s why I’m asking. What the fuck do you think?”
It’s slightly too much aggression off the cuff, but Richie brings it out of him. “Some asshole just came in here and started shouting like a motherfucker because he forgot his stupid napkins. I thought Sunshine was gonna cry her eyes out.”
Carmy clocks back in fully. “What?”
Sunshine is the mildly sarcastic nickname Richie gave you before Carmy ever step foot in The Beef. It’s not that you’re moody, but you’re always tired, and you give these little shy smiles out to anyone who asks how you are. I’m fine, you say every time, followed by something deflective like, I’m just tired. Lack of vitamin D from working in this place.
“Where do scumbags get off, making girls cry like that?”
Carmy's eyes widen. “She’s crying?”
Richie is capable of seriousness, despite himself. “Yeah,” he says, his anger swapped out for a low remorse, “I told her to go sit in the office until she’s feeling better.”
Carmy pauses. “Should I go look in?” he asks.
“Duh, Carmen. You’re the only one who can make her feel better. Which I resent!” He brings a rag end from his shoulder to wipe his forehead, which is gross, but whatever. “I’m fucking excellent at being a shoulder to cry on.”
Carmy doesn’t know what that means. Richie says it like it’s obvious, but since when is Carmy the only person who can make you feel better? You’ve known everybody here far longer than you’ve known him, and sometimes Carmy thinks you probably don’t want a thing to do with him, does anybody in the kitchen? You’re smart, and you’ve been working here as long as anybody, started when you were genuinely too young and learning everything you know from the other. You have potential, like everybody here. You just didn’t get the right training, and you’re defensive (again, like everybody here).
Carmy’s almost positive you’re gonna tell him to fuck off when he knocks the office door. He doesn’t know why he does it, nobody knocks in this shithole, but he does. Maybe he’s buying time; you’ll be feeling better when he pushes the door fully open, and he won’t have to navigate the treacherous depths of his feelings for you while he’s so busy trying to work himself out.
You sniff, muffled, like a sleeve is held over your face. “Hello?” you ask.
Carmy gets a burst of energy and doesn’t ask before stepping into the room. You can’t say no if he doesn’t ask, and you don’t, looking at him from the rickety office chair with distrust, and then sheepishness.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t be in here.”
“No, no, you can come in here,” he says. He has a bad habit of pausing too long and looking too close, hands clenched in front of himself. “You can come in here. Some asshole made you cry?”
You shake your head with tears still wet on your cheek. You’re at home in the office, all the chaos and posters and paper trails a match for you dishevelled appearance. You’ve pulled your foot onto the chair, showcasing a shoe that’s falling apart and two pairs of socks pulled to uneven heights. Your hands are a riot, none of your jewellery but a mismatch of different coloured band-aids over a multitude of wounds. And your face glows with tears, shitty light of the desk lamp casting yellow onto your teary cheeks, your lips bitten raw.
“I’m fine,” you say.
Carmy doesn’t know what he was expecting, but he was hoping for a better confession. “Over napkins?”
“Said I’m s’posed to put napkins in the bag,” you say, a monotony to your voice that’s forced and weak at once. “‘Cos I’m a fucking idiot, right, who doesn’t put napkins in the bag?” You sniffle. “Whatever. Richie said he can’t come back.”
“He can’t,” Carmy says quickly.
He fails to follow it up. There’s an idiot in the office, for sure, and it’s not you.
Your mouth crumples and you look away from him, something achy about you as another tear falls down your cheek to curve into the skin above your top lip, making a home at your cupid’s bow. “I’m fine.”
“You can be upset,” he says. “This job’s… hard enough, without people making you feel like shit for shit you didn’t do.”
You respond to his warm(ish) tone with a small smile. Your tear slips down your lip. Carmy wants to wipe it off.
“What can I do?” he asks finally.
He wishes he could make you feel better without asking, and there are parts of him that want to turn tail and run, too, but Carmy stays standing in front of the half-open door watching as tears make their way to your chin. He doesn’t know why you’re still crying.
Maybe he does. Carmy doesn’t usually cry. He just watches things go wrong without stopping them, or keels over in the alley for long, too fast minutes as his heart pumps a bruising rhythm against his ribs.
“I’m fine, Carmy,” you say, wiping your face roughly as you stand from the chair.
He scratches a hand through his hair. “Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”
“You don’t have to anything.”
“Richie said I’m the only person who can make you feel better.”
“You’re just the only guy who ever shouts at me,” you tease, sniffling softly as you do.
Carmy shouldn’t yell at anyone, but he does. You’ve never cried. He wouldn’t yell at anybody if he thought it would make them upset like that, it’s just that yelling’s like talking where he comes from, and the kitchen doesn’t help.
“So what? Am I supposed to beat that guy up?” Carmy asks.
You laugh through what he hopes to be the last of your tears, scrubbing at your cheeks ineffectually. “Like you could beat somebody up. You’re all bark and no bite, Berzatto.”
Sure. And he’s a loser, he’s more than aware of it; Carmy knows fifty seven different ways to prepare corn for eating and he doesn’t know a single way to make girls feel better, so he tries something he saw on TV.
“Come here,” he says, holding his arm out insistently. “C’mere.”
He leans in to grab you. You hold your arms out, but you still when he touches you like you're shocked. He’s a little shocked too.
“Richie knew the guy, right?” Carmy asks.
“He said he’s banned for life.”
“Okay, great.” Carmy feels up your back slowly. Your arms are hesitant behind him. He’s the braver one for once, feeling at the dips and slopes of you with a greedy hand.
You smell… really good. He has a good sense of smell, can pick apart a meal's ingredients by scent alone if he’s awake enough, so he can tell you’re wearing that little solid perfume you keep in your cubby, gentle enough to not bother anybody in the kitchen, ever so slightly milky and sweet. He can also smell the salt on your cheeks. So weird to be able to smell your tears.
Carmy pats your back and leans away. Your hands fall to your side.
He wipes your face hesitantly, pinky to your soft cheek, until your tear stains are dry and you’re looking at him steadily.
“That was really weird,” you say.
He panics, stepping away from you, “Fuck. Fuck, sorry.”
You shake your head. “No, I’m just kidding. Thanks, Carmy.”
“Dick,” he says.
You smile brightly. Okay, his heart fell into his ass when you said it was weird, but you can tease him all day if it makes you feel better.
“I better go tell Richie I’m okay,” you say. “Don’t you have a stock to reduce?”
“Oh, you mean your stock?” he asks.
Your smile makes him wanna grab your wrist, and it makes him wanna chase after you. You slink out of the office, waving a quick goodbye with your fingers, and Carmy stares at the place you’d been sitting while you cried for a couple of seconds to get a grip.
He puts his hand on his chest and feels his pulse racing.
“Fucking asshole,” he mutters, not sure if he means the customer or himself.
#carmy berzatto x reader#carmy berzatto x you#carmy berzatto x y/n#carmy berzatto#carmy berzatto fic#carmy berzatto blurb#carmy berzatto drabble#carmy berzatto imagine#carmy berzatto fanfic#carmy berzatto fanfiction#carmy x reader#carmy#carmy x you#carmy blurb#carmy drabble#carmen berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto x you#carmen berzatto x y/n#carmen berzatto#carmen berzatto fic#carmen berzatto blurb#carmen berzatto drabble#carmen berzatto imagine#carmen berzatto fanfic#carmen berzatto fanfiction#the bear#the bear fanfiction#the bear fic
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Yuu and reader but
But reader is forgettable.
Imagine Reader who arrived in Twisted Wonderland with Yuu, they got along very well together and with Grim, but Yuu and Grim end up abandoning Reader, creating their group of friends that we all know. Reader tries to approach them, become friends with them, but without success.
And then Reader finds himself alone, and everyone acts as if he doesn't exist. So much so that Reader questions his existence and becomes very quiet.
The ghosts realize this and spend time with Reader, and Reader considers them his only true friends. I'm pretty sure Reader would have tried to kill himself to become a ghost and join the ghosts gang but would have failed.
Reader would have stopped going to class, some teachers (Trein and Crewel) would have noticed and talked to him about it.
Reader walks around campus at all hours without anyone noticing him (he would have already been dancing in class and singing loudly and out of tune and no one would have noticed).
In the end, Reader is left alone for so long, talking to no one except the ghosts, that he forgets his name (the ghosts call him "Little Ghost").
And at book 5, he meets Chenya. And this is how it happens :
“What do you do alone ?” Chenya asked.
"Wait... Are you talking to me ?" Reader asked sitting in a tree, looking left and right before looking at Chenya.
"Yeah ? There's no one else around." the cat remarked amusedly.
"Oh- sorry I'm not used to people seeing me !" Reader said with a smile on his face, excited that someone alive was talking to him.
"Huh ? Why ?" Chenya asked, frowning in confusion.
“Well, people still act like I’m not there, like I don’t exist.” Reader explained. “Exept ghosts, you’re the first to talk to me in months !”
“oh…” Chenya looked worried. “And what’s your name ?”
"Oh I'm-huh..." Reader said before frowning.
“Well, hello ‘huh’, I’m Chenya.” Chenya said trying to lighten the mood.
“Nah, nah.. I don’t remember my name.” Reader said sounding scared, his breathing quickening.
“huh ?”
"What's my name? What's my name? Who am I? I forgot? I forgot..."
"Hey, calm down, you'll remember.." Chenya tried to calmly reassure.
"No- no ! You're not supposed to notice me or talk to me ! Go with more important people, people who remember their names, who they are !" (Reader having an existential crisis <3)
In the end, Chenya manages to calm Reader down, and he calls him "Little Ghost" (like ghosts) until they find his name.
After that, Chenya will talk about that as his friends at the RSA (like Neige), and they would do all for create a new identity at Reader and after that they will take him with them at the RSA (The RSA director was the one that have the idea of the new identity).
Sam friends of the other side won't stop crying about "The child that have forget his name", making Sam confused (they never answer at his questions about him).
And Trein would be the one finding out that Reader have left three days later.
If nobody write that, I will write it myself.
#twst x reader#twisted wonderland#twst mc#twst x male reader#twst yuu#twisted wonderland x male reader#Twisted Wonderland x reader#twst imagines#Angst idea#twst ghosts#twst angst#twst fanfic#twst wonderland#twst chenya#chenya#neige leblanche#twst neige#twst grim#grimm#grim twst#night raven college#mozus trein#divus crewel
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Maybe a lestappen fic were Reader friends are the worst and they comfort her, thank you 💗
You were out with your boyfriends when you saw them across the street, walking out of a shop, talking and laughing without a care. You had texted them yesterday to ask if they were free today to hang out, since you haven’t seen them in a few weeks. The answer? I have to work. I’ll be out of town. I’m sick, just numerous excuses.
Max noticed the change in your demeanor in an instant. “What’s wrong, love?”
“Oh, I just remember that I need to call mom, or she’ll get mad.” You smile, not wanting to worry him.
“You can call her once we get home.” He kisses your forehead and holds your hand to keep walking.
Being around them was enough to make you forget about what you saw and you actually ended up enjoying the day off.
Until Charles decided that it was time to eat and walked into one of your favorite restaurants in town. A very exclusive but cozy one.
The host just gave your boyfriends a look and it was enough for her to rush to get you three a table.
“Aren’t those your friends?” Charles asks you, looking behind your shoulders.
You didn’t want to look but you also didn’t want them to know what happened. So, you simply turned around with a forced smile.
“Oh, yes! What a coincidence.”
“You can say hello to them,” Max gives you a little pat on your lower back, encouraging you to go to them. “We will wait for you.”
You chew on the inside of your cheek before walking towards them.
You notice the exact moment they see you, because they go from laughing to a complete silence.
“Hey!” You try not to show how affected you are, how much you want to cry. “I thought you were busy today.”
One of your friends gives you a once over before leaning closer to one of your other friends and whispering something before laughing.
They don’t even try to pretend.
“Yeah. This was something last minute.” One girl says, taking a sip of her drink. “We forgot to tell you.”
“Are you following us?” One of your male friends says, not hiding his smirk at all.
“Oh, no, I’m—”
“Because that’s sad.”
One of your friends, one you thought was someone you could trust, bursts out laughing before saying, “Even for you.”
You’re one second away from crying now, so you decide to excuse yourself and walk away, not hungry anymore and just wanting to go home. But Max and Charles are by your side in one second and you’re unable to do so.
“Max, Charles!”
Everyone’s expression changes just like it changed when you approached their table. The difference is that this time they’re all smiling, sparkling eyes looking up at them as if you are not even there, standing between them. As if you are invisible.
“Are you waiting for a table?”
“You can sit with us. We can make space for you!”
It’s laughable, really.
Charles looks at you, his hand on your waist. “You want to sit here, chéri?”
You avoid looking at your “friends” and Max notices immediately.
“We just came for take out,” Max explains, a friendly smile on his lips. “she just wanted her favorite dessert and we can’t say no to her.”
Everyone on the table laughs. But it’s forced, anyone would notice.
“Well, we should plan something, then.” A blonde girl you have never seen before says. She’s twirling her hair and everything, and you would feel disgusted if it weren’t for the situation you’re currently in.
Max holds your hand, rubbing circles on your palm. “Yeah, that’s not happening.”
Silence.
A beat.
And then.
“Some friends you are.”
You are out of the restaurant in ten minutes. Charles carries some take out while Max doesn’t let your hand go, at least not until you’re in front of the car.
“Are you okay?” Max cups your cheeks, and you finally let the tears fall.
“We noticed things were weird when you stood in front of their table.” Your Monégasque boyfriend says, his free hand rubbing your back. “We just didn’t realize how bad it was until we heard them.”
“How long has this been happening?”
You sniff, feeling the pad of Max’s fingers wiping the tears off your face.
“Now that I’m thinking about it,” You laugh, closing your eyes, thinking about how stupid and blind you were. “it has been this way since… forever.”
“Oh, baby.” Charles wraps you in his arms, Max joining the hug without a second thought.
“You should have told us.” Max whispers in your ear, and you nod because he is right. “We could’ve done something.”
Charles rolls his eyes, giving his boyfriend a little push. “You don't need them, okay?”
“You are an incredible,” Max kisses your cheek, “and amazing person.”
“Most beautiful girl in the world.” Charles kisses your other cheek.
Your Dutch boyfriend gives you a little peck on the lips before pulling away to look directly into your eyes. “Anyone would be lucky to have you in their lives.”
“Their loss.” You groan against Charles’ shoulder.
“That’s my girl!” They laugh and you feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.
“Now,” The blonde-haired boy says, opening the car door for you. “Should we go home to eat in bed while we watch some movie?”
“Can we watch Cars?”
“Charles, she will choose the movie!”
“But she loves Cars too!”
#꒰꒰ 📁 ─ verstappen cult files ꒱꒱#charles leclerc x reader#max verstappen x reader#lestappen x reader#f1 imagine#charles leclerc fluff#max verstappen fluff#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic
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nsfw. ellie fingers you on patrol to help with your cramps. 1.4k words.
Never in your three years of residency in Jackson would you ever predict this–Ellie’s fingers deep inside of you, stroking the soft, sweet spot swollen by your own arousal. You would never have been able to predict actually crying out for her touch, hips bucking up to meet her palm like it was nothing. It was truly everything, because this was never supposed to happen.
You and Ellie had a strong distaste for each other from the start.
You liked to go to parties and drink, be reckless during patrols, and (at least attempt to) sleep with anyone who you thought was even slightly fuckable. Ellie was a wallflower, so maybe her distaste for you was plain jealousy. For you, your dislike for Ellie was much more than just something solvable with a little chat.You really resented her, and maybe it was because she actually made you feel things.
It was just another patrol like the rest, Ellie being quiet around you, and you refusing to make your usual conversation. Ellie was the only person you didn’t chat up a storm with when it came to these long patrol shifts, this one even lasting two days and requiring a camp set-up. If the two of you had really thought it through, you would’ve been more careful. Two people who have that obvious and yet annoyingly oblivious tension? It should’ve been predictable.
It started with the growing of blood in your underwear. The perfect time to be on your period, huh? You only let out a little huff to which Ellie ignored, setting off into the forest to put on a pad. When you returned, it was like fate that hit you, much like a lightning strike. Literally a strike of pain in your lower stomach signifying cramps to come, and on the one patrol you before to bring a bottle of Ibuprofen on.
You laid in your sleeping bag in pain, not wanting to even complain to Ellie, as much as you were the whining type. It’d be real nice to have someone to listen to you express how badly this cycle was, how your body was doing you dirty. You weren’t expecting Ellie to speak to you first.
“You okay over there?” not the usual irritated tone she liked to use with you, but not the most empathetic. Just slightly softer, but that was a mercy due to the strain in your relationship.
“Cramps.”
“Just take an ibuprofen and lay on your side.”
“Gee, thanks. I would’ve never thought to do that,” you bit, making Ellie glare. “I don’t have anything on me. I forgot I was close to my period.”
“Damn,” a not so sympathetic, and possibly indifferent curse from her.
“Yeah, damn is right. I feel like I’m being stabbed in my uterus repeatedly.”
Silence went on for a few more minutes, but it was visually obvious that you were in a lot of pain. Despite her dislike for you, she didn’t like seeing you suffer. There was a small flutter of empathy deep inside her that made her suggest something she probably shouldn’t have.
“Physical stuff can help cramps, you know.” Quiet, and yet the implication was clear.
“You mean like..sex?”
“Don’t think of it as actual sex, obviously. Just me helping you.”
“If we do this, we aren’t having sex. I’m not moaning for you or telling you how much I want you, so don’t expect that shit. You’re simply giving me an orgasm, and then it’s done.”
“Agreed. No kissing, and as soon as you..finish, we stop.”
And it started just like that, as sexual act of non-sex.
Ellie didn’t warm you up with neck kisses or sloppy love bites like your usual partners did, and partially, you were glad. This was just supposed to be an orgasm, and you didn’t need to like each other to appreciate a good orgasm, right? A simple pain reliever. Anytime your brain would bleed with thoughts of Ellie doing those things for you, however, you’d block them out as soon as they entered into your mind. The imagery was more difficult to get out of your head, though. Just simply picturing her plush lips trailing over your neck, breath ghosting over…
You snapped out of it, and just focused on trying to cum so that this would end, and you and Ellie could go back to hating each other.
One finger slipped inside of you, and you bit back a gasp. You were wet enough to take it without much at all, and you hoped Ellie just assumed that was just because of your period and not actually because you were turned on.
Ellie started out slow, just rubbing your g-spot with her finger, providing some direct stimulation. It made you realize how different the act of sex itself was from sex with all of the other stuff. The teasing, how your typical couple would build up the moment to make it the best possible experience. That wasn’t what this was, though. So, why were you biting your lip to stifle moans when Ellie slipped in another finger into your increasingly wet hole, and even padded over your clit with her thumb?
Your head was spinning, and you were starting to lose your focus on just having that orgasm, the aid to your cramping. You were already too distracted to think about the pain, too focused on trying your hardest to pretend like Ellie’s calloused fingers curling into your pussy wasn’t the hottest thing you’ve felt in a while.
Ellie didn’t complain when you instinctively bucked your hips up into her touch, and she had to try really hard not to lean down and kiss you when the occasional moan slipped past your lips. She couldn’t blame you, it was a natural reaction.
So, why was it that you were now begging for more when she curled right up into your sweet, tender spot?
“Ellie,” you breathed out, eyes fluttering open to meet hers. The scrunch of her nose that was usually present when you were around faded away, and her eyes were lidded, her lips parted slightly. A delicious, rosy tint set across her freckled face.
“Is it helping?”
“Please. Please, fuck me..just like that, I need it,” you begged, making her stomach do summersaults. It couldn’t be helped, though. Ellie took note that you shed off a little bit of your dignity when she slid her fingers slightly out and shoved them back into your hole, just to slam into your g-spot. She liked the way you sounded, the way your usual walls built around her crumbled when she fucked you good. Even though she didn’t (or at least tried not to) care to observe you enough, she noticed that you were different when at parties dancing with random people, more inauthentic. Something was ironically beautiful about the rawness to your voice that hit hard when she did something particularly mind-blowing to your pussy.
A mix of blood and your juices were dripping down her knuckles, and she really wanted to taste you. It would probably be something she would regret later, but Ellie decided to sate herself with a soft kiss to your lips instead. She felt warm and tasted like the rations from earlier, but you kissed her back fervently. The needy sounds coming from your throat were swallowed by her own mouth.
The orgasm that hit you was mind-blowing enough to aid with the cramps, but that wasn’t what you were focused on. Instead, it was the way Ellie’s tongue coaxed your lips apart, and the scent of her hair against your nose when she buried her face into your neck to taste your pulse. You felt every tremor run through you like lightning, and it was unlike anything anyone else could give you. It wasn’t forced, and the passion there was real. You actually felt something with her.
As you came down however, the moment dissolved into awkward silence and the careful removal of Ellie’s fingers from you. You swallowed, holding back your words. You wished to forget it all now, not because you wanted to deny it ever happened, but you were scared of what it meant if you got attached to someone in Jackson.
Just like that, it was over, and you and Ellie didn’t go quite back into disliking each other dynamic but rather an awkward limbo. You left that patrol and spent the next few weeks sleeping with people, pulling all-nighters trying to make yourself feel what you did on that patrol, but you never could find the same peak in every single category of feelings that Ellie gave you.
#ellie williams#tlou2#ellie tlou#ellie the last of us#ellie x reader#the last of us part 2#ellie smut
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LOGAN HOWLETT - BROKEN & MENDED
A/N: A new one-shot that I tried to write. It's okay, I guess. So here you go. Also, the title sucks, but... whatever.
Pairing: Logan Howlett x mutant female reader
Featuring: Avengers, Ex!Bucky Barnes x female reader
Warning: angst, fluff, implied smut?
Please, do not read if you are under 18. This story has sexual scenes.
Words: 3400+
Important note: I know Wolverine is like 160cm but… I forgot about tha that so, he’s a tall MF. (They kinda fucked that up in some of the movies, so whatever.) So Hugh Jackman!Wolverine
FULL MASTERLIST | LOGAN HOWLETT MASTERLIST
LOGAN HOWLETT - BROKEN & MENDED
It felt like a dagger went through her heart. Her eyes watched her boyfriend and her best friend kissing in the kitchen. They didn’t know Y/N was there. It seemed that they didn’t care someone would be able to see them. She watched it all with her two eyes. The two people she trusted the most in the entire world broke her heart. How long was this happening? Why was this happening?
The vomit threatened to escape her throat. She was sick to her stomach from the betrayal. Shaking her head, Y/N silently walked away from the scene, heading back to the room she shared with Bucky.
When her eyes landed on the messy bed, she shared with him daily, her stomach flipped. She felt nauseous like never before. How often did he bring Natasha to bed while she was away on a mission? Her feet dragged her to the bathroom, where she ended up vomiting into the toilet.
Y/N stayed on the bathroom floor for another hour, thinking about her next steps. There was no point in crying over spilt milk. Bucky had decided to find peace in other girl’s arms. He had decided to break Y/N’s heart.
Sighing, she slowly got up, washed her face and rinsed her mouth. And then it hit her. How many people knew about this affair? Of course, Steve knew. He had to. He was Bucky’s best friend. Hell, even Sam had to know something.
She fished out a phone from her jeans and texted Tony. He, of all people, would be able to understand her. Once he agreed to see her, she washed her mouth one more time and left for the lab. As expected, Tony was tinkering on one of his suits. There was a big cup of cold coffee on the table that he didn’t drink.
“What’s up, Y/L/N,” Tony asked when he noticed Y/N in the lab. He immediately noticed her body language. Something was off. “What’s going on?”
She sat in an office chair, eyes scanning all the tools scattered around the place. “I need you to do something for me - no questions asked.”
His eyes captured hers, frowning. “Oh no, you can’t pull that card on me. What’s going on? What happened?”
No wonder Y/N wanted a ‘no questions asked’. A few months ago, Tony called Y/N to get him from a club. He was drunk, covered in vomit and upset about something. Y/N didn’t question it. She drove him to the tower, got him to bed, and they never spoke about it again.
Y/N took a deep breath, her lips quivering. She wanted to scream, cry and throw a tantrum like a child. Her heart was breaking some more. “I’m resigning.”
“What?!” Tony jumped on his feet. That statement woke him up. “What do you mean, Y/N? Does Barnes know about that? Are you two planning something? Are you pregnant?”
She shook her head. Damn, that last question got her even more. When did she start to feel the want to have kids with him? “He doesn’t know anything. I need you to accept my resignation and let me silently leave as soon as possible,” she said. “Please.”
Tony wasn’t a fool. He could see the pain in her eyes, how her lips trembled and how she tried to hold it together. Tony was able to put two and two together. Something happened between them - it was over. “Shit,” he shook his head in disbelief. “Holy shit.”
“Please, Tony,” she raised a hand into the air. “I have to do this. If he can’t come clean, I can leave without a word. Two can play this game.”
“But,” he closed the distance and put his hands on the woman’s shoulders. “You can’t leave the Avengers. You are like the little sister I never had. I can kick Barnes’s ass again if you’d like. Say the word and I will detach that damn arm from him.”
Y/N chuckled. It was hard to hold it together and not cry in front of Tony. “We can stay in touch, Stark. Please, don’t make me stay. My heart is broken, shattered into a million pieces. I won’t be able to look them in the eyes-”
“Them?” he interrupted her. “Who’s the woman?”
A tear finally escaped Y/N’s eye. “Natasha,” she whispered.
Tony’s fists clenched. He wanted to curse out loud and throw something into a wall. “I’m sorry,” was all he said to her. “I’m sorry things went to shit like this. Holy fuck, Natasha and Barnes? What the fuck?”
As the dam broke, Tony caught her in his tight embrace and let Y/N cry it out. He wouldn’t do it for anyone but her. As Tony said, Y/N was like his little sister whom he needed to protect. He pushed her away a little to look into her eyes. The pain in them was breaking Tony’s heart.
“Is there anything you need to take?” he asked. “Any photos or personal belongings?”
Y/N thought about it. All the photos she had were with Bucky, Natasha or the team. She didn’t have any family outside the Avengers. Everything she owned had been provided for her.
“No,” she said.
Tony sighed, nodding. “Alright.” He reached into the back pocket of his jeans and took out a wallet. He gave her a black card. “Take it.”
“What? Tony, no, I can’t,” she shook her head.
“Shut up, Y/N,” he frowned at her. “Take the damn card. I have twenty more. Get yourself a hotel, buy new clothes or a car - whatever the fuck you want. Text me from a new number once you settled down. I want to stay in contact with you even when you are on the other side of the world.”
“Oh, Tony.”
“I’ll let you know how the pandemonium went once they realise you are gone,” he chuckled at that thought. “Are you sure about this, Y/N?” he had to ask.
“I don’t owe Bucky anything - not even a stupid explanation. He decided to cheat behind my back with my best friend. God knows how long this has been going on for. I wouldn’t be surprised if Steve and Sam knew about this. I don’t trust any of them anymore, Tony. I was hurt many times before. This is a new level of pain I’ve never felt before. I thought he was it, you know? And look how it ended.”
“I want to say I understand. However, I don’t,” said Tony. “I’ll miss you, kid.”
. . .
Bucky had a phone pressed to his ear. He was walking around the lounge room like a lion in a cage. He cursed under his nose and redialed Y/N’s number. Steve, Sam and Tony walked into the lounge room, chatting. “Has anyone seen Y/N?” Bucky asked them. “I can’t get hold of her.”
“Have you checked your room?” Sam asked and sat on the couch. He put his feet up on the coffee table. “Or she’s with Natasha.”
“I’ve asked Nat. She hasn’t seen her the whole day,” said Bucky, frowning. He tried to call her again. “She’s not responding to texts. Where the hell is she? Did she go on a solo mission?”
“I don’t know anything about it,” Steve shrugged.
Tony crossed arms over his chest. “She left,” he announced.
All eyes turned to him. “What?” Steve asked. “What do you mean by that? Did Fury give her a solo mission?”
“She left,” Tony repeated sternly. Bucky approached the man, confused. “Barnes, come on, let’s not play this game. You think the woman wouldn’t notice?”
“What the fuck are you talking about, Stark?” Bucky spat. “Fuck, Stark, talk. Where the hell is Y/N?”
“Y/N found out about you and Natasha.” Tony’s fists clenched. He wanted to punch Barnes into his face. “How the fuck could you do that to her, Barnes? You didn’t have the balls to tell her the truth, to talk to her. And now, because you betrayed her, she left the tower - the team.”
Steve turned to Bucky, shocked by that revelation. “You and Natasha?” he gasped. “When?”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t know, Rogers,” Tony scoffed.
“Shit,” Sam commented. “What the fuck, dude?”
Bucky didn’t know what to say first. “When she’ll be back?”
Tony had to laugh. “You think she’s coming back? Come on, Barnes. You broke her heart. You cheated on her with her best friend. She’s never coming back. She left because of you. Also,” he turned to the Captain and the Falcon. “She thinks you two know about the affair.”
Sam jumped up on his feet, visibly pissed. “Whoa,” he glared at Barnes. “I don’t know anything about Barnes fucking Romanoff. What the fuck, Bucky? How could you do that to the best woman you could have ever had?”
“Sam, it’s not that simple-”
“The fuck it is,” Sam yelled at him. “I can’t believe you did that,” he said. “I’m so angry at you.”
“Sam. I… It’s…”
“Go fuck yourself, Barnes,” he punched Bucky into his shoulder and left the lounge room.
Bucky sighed, defeated. When he looked up at Steve, he could see the disappointment in his eyes.
Tony had to chuckle. “This is what happens when you think with your dick and not with your head and heart. This is your own doing.”
. . .
A FEW YEARS LATER
It was a big day. Tony Stark threw a massive engagement party for him and Pepper. He finally had the guts to ask the woman of his dreams to marry her.
He invited over a hundred people. He wanted to celebrate his beautiful fianceé, their love and happiness. Or in other words, another reason why to throw a party. Also, this was the perfect opportunity to see Y/N again.
It was almost two years since she left the team. No one knew anything about her except Tony and Pepper. They kept in touch with her the whole time. The couple knew about her new life, new role and more importantly new love. And now, they invited her to celebrate their engagement. Her new man was also invited.
It was supposed to be a big dinner with music and drinks. Everyone was there - the whole Avengers team, some SHIELD agents and even politicians who had a good relationship with the happy couple. And yet, Tony waited for his favourite person to arrive.
He was standing by the bar, nursing a drink. Tony’s eyes wandered around the place, trying to glimpse Y/N in the crowd. The dinner was about to start, and she still wasn’t there. A hand appeared on his shoulder, striking it lovingly. “Don’t worry. She’ll be here soon,” Pepper said to his ear. “She promised to come.”
He was ready to comment on it when his eyes noticed Y/N walk through the entrance, all dressed up and with a smile plastered over her face. A tall, muscular man stood behind her, helping her with her coat. Tony smiled, glad that Y/N had arrived with her new boyfriend. Tony liked that guy a lot. Same humour, both liked the taste of whisky and they dated amazing women.
“See, she’s here,” said Pepper with a smile. She raised a hand, waving to the couple.
“Are you sure about this?” Y/N heard her boyfriend’s voice close to her ear. “You don’t have to do anythin’ that makes you uncomfortable, baby.”
She turned to him, fixing his black suit. The way Logan was staring at her made her knees weak. His eyes were hungry, she was sure of it. When he saw the dress on her, he had to hold himself back. “I know, Lo’. I’m happy you’ve decided to come with me and be my plus one. Tony likes you a lot, to be honest,” she giggled. “Also, I’m done with my past and am focused on my present, with you.”
He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer. He pressed a kiss to her temple. “Come on, Y/N. Your friends are waiting. Nervous?”
“A little bit,” she had to admit.
Logan held her hand proudly. He tried to intimidate people with his glare. Y/N was surprised when she found him dressed in a fancy suit. Yes, it was all black - like he wanted. But damn, he looked sexy.
Together, they walked to Tony and Pepper, greeting them. Y/N hugged them both, while Logan shook hands with Tony and nodded towards Pepper.
“Congratulations, you two,” Y/N said with a smile. “You are finally doing it. I’m so proud of you, Tony. You are growing up,” she teased him.
“How are you holding up?” Pepper asked gently. “How are the kids?” her eyes moved to Logan.
“It’s not easy to teach young mutants,” Logan replied. “They can be a handful, ya know? But they love Y/N.”
Y/N wrapped an arm around Logan’s waist, smiling. “They like all of us. All of them are grateful to have a place to live and feel safe. And, to answer your question, I’m doing good. Am I nervous? Yes. Am I happy? Also yes.”
“I can’t believe you became a teacher in a mutant school,” Tony shook his head in disbelief. “Is it cool that you two are together?” he pointed between the couple. “Isn’t there any strict policy that you cannot date an old man?” he joked.
Logan glared at him. “Hilarious, Stark.”
“Come on, Wolverine. I am just messing around. But seriously, no policy?”
Y/N rolled her eyes. “No, nothing like that. Thank god.”
“Last time, it bit you in the ass,” Tony glared at Y/N.
She sighed. “I know, but why make these policies? I know in the end it can hurt the team, but… “ she shook her head, not finishing.
“Out of curiosity, what would you do if you weren’t allowed to date?” Pepper asked.
Logan and Y/N looked at each other. There was a brief silence. “I’d take her to Canada,” he said after some thinking. “We’d buy ourselves a place, somewhere in the mountains.” He could see how her eyes lit up when he mentioned living far away. “Unfortunately, we had decided to stay and teach young mutants. Who knows what will bring us the future.”
Y/N wanted to press a kiss to his lips. But she knew Logan wasn’t fond of PDA. Her mouth opened to tell him how much she loved him.
“Y/N?”
Y/N took a deep breath through her nose. Slowly, she turned to the voice, finding Steve standing behind the couple, surprised to see her. “Hi,” she said cheerfully.
“Wow, you look amazing. I’m glad to see you again,” he nodded, smiling. His eyes moved to the man beside her. Steve observed him - he was tall muscular and a bit scary. He stretched his arm. “I’m Steve Rogers,” he introduced himself.
Logan grabbed his hand, shaking it. “Logan,” he said firmly.
When their hands disconnected, both men turned their eyes on Y/N. “I see you are doing well,” Steve said to Y/N. “It’s been… what, two years?”
“Something like that,” she shrugged. Her eyes moved to Logan. “I’ll quickly go to the bathroom before dinner. I’ll be right back.” Instantly, Logan leaned in and he pressed a kiss to her cheek. Y/N couldn’t believe her boyfriend was affectionate in public. They would leave the PDA behind closed doors. It was sweet.
Y/N walked through the crowd of people, heading to the ladies' room. No one paid her any attention. She registered some celebrities and politicians. Everyone was here for Tonny and Pepper. Y/N opened the door, walked in with a gentle smile and was met with Natasha. The smile was instantly gone. The woman was staring at her reflection in the mirror, fixing her make-up when her eyes landed on Y/N.
Y/N’s eyes widened. Her breath got stuck. As much as she told herself she was ready for this, she wasn’t. “Hi,” she said neutrally and quickly locked herself inside a toilet room.
She heard the entrance door open and closed a few times. Y/N hoped Natasha left. Unfortunately, after she was done and left the toilet, Natasha was leaning against the counter, waiting.
“Hi,” Natasha greeted her, whispering. Her eyes followed Y/N’s every moment. “H-how have you been?”
Y/N sighed. She started to wash her hands. “Do we have to talk?” she asked emotionless.
“Yes, we do. I haven’t seen you in two years. I missed you,” said Natasha.
“You are kidding, right?” Y/N glared at her through the mirror. “How can you say this after what happened? How can you stand there and say those words when you had a thing with my then-boyfriend?” She turned off the water and wiped her hands with paper towels. “I promised myself I would enjoy this evening, celebrate Tony’s engagement and then leave. I guess things never turn out how we want.”
After she was done, Y/N left the bathroom. She was visibly upset. All she wanted was to hide in Logan’s arms, have a meal and leave. How could she believe she’d be able to come here? Why was she still this hurt when she had a wonderful man by her side? Did she…? No. The only thing left was the hurt. Her heart belonged to Logan now. She loved him more than she ever loved anyone.
“Y/N,” Natasha followed her out. “Please, let’s talk. You need to listen to me.”
“I don’t have to do shit, Romanoff.” Fate wasn’t kind to Y/N. When she walked outside, she was met with the one person she hoped to avoid the most. “You’ve got to be shitting me,” she cursed.
Bucky stood before her in a tux. His hair was short, face shaved and smooth. Those blue eyes were wide open as he stared at his ex-girlfriend all dressed up. “Oh my god,” he gasped. “Y/N, you are here.”
“Obviously,” she sighed. “I am Tony’s good friend,” she said. She wanted to walk away from the. Unfortunately, he gently grabbed her by her forearm, stopping her. “Let me go, Barnes.”
“Please, we need to talk. Only for a minute.”
Y/N yanked her arm out of his grip. “There is nothing to talk about. I don’t want to talk to any of you,” her eyes went from him to Natasha and back.
“Yes, there is,” he frowned. “You left without a word.”
She frowned at him. “So? You slept with my best friend behind my back. You cheated on me and didn’t have the balls to be honest with me.” Y/N fixed her dress and straightened her back. “I found you two making out in the damn kitchen. So, no, there is nothing to talk about. I came here to celebrate Tony and Pepper.”
Natasha sighed, upset about it all. Bucky shook his head. “You left, Y/N. For fuck’s sake you left without a word,” he raised his voice.
“That’s all you care about?” she asked. “Barnes, you broke my heart. Do you think I’d stay here after what happened? Do you think I’d be happy to see you two together? Wake up. Both of you.” Y/N turned to Natasha, to see her upset face.
A hand appeared on her shoulder, stroking it gently. Y/N released a deep breath she didn’t know she was holding and calmed down. She smelled Logan’s cologne he used for tonight. “You okay, baby?” he asked, eyes shooting daggers at the supersoldier and the spy.
Y/N strengthened her back. “Logan, meet James Barnes and Natasha Romanoff,” she introduced them. She didn’t need to define who they were and what they did to her. Logan already knew. “They don’t seem to understand that I don’t want to talk to them.”
Logan chuckled. “He seems like a guy who doesn’t understand a lot of things,” his eyes darkened. He was not fond of the man standing before him.
“Excuse me?” Bucky frowned.
“Oh, get a life, bub,” Logan scoffed. “The lady said she doesn’t want to talk to ya. So I suggest you leave her the fuck alone.”
With that, Logan grabbed her hand and walked with her away from the pair. He pulled her hand to his lips, kissing its top. “You okay, sweetheart?”
She nodded. “You know what? Let’s have some food, you know, do a little damage and then leave. I want to be alone with you tonight, sir. We have a hotel room that Tony provided us,” she winked at him.
“That dress needs to go as soon as possible,” Logan purred to her ear. “One hour and then we are gone, princess.”
#Logan Howlett x reader#Logan Howlett x female reader#Wolverine x reader#Wolverine x female reader#Logan Howlett fanfiction#Marvel fanfiction
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