#if I accidently stole your meme sorry

[martitheevans]

[unforth]

I've debated multiple times doing something like cataloging racist microaggressions I see in the danmei tags and making a post about it. I generally see at least one a day, and I block the worst offenders. But in the end I'm a white USAdian and it's really not my place. I'm sure I don't even catch them all.

It's a real issue and I've seen a lot of anecdotal evidence that it drives Chinese and Chinese diaspora fans out of participating in Westernized Tumblr danmei fandom, and that's utterly unacceptable.

One of the most common ones I see is how people talk about the character names. For example:

[Image ID: screen cap of a text post. It reads: "This all came about when I was looking at SVSSS memes on Ao3 and went like "My friends nor coworkers would get heads or tails of what in the world these alphabet smash assortment mean let alone know that they're referencing Soecific individuals or novels." End ID]

THIS IS A MICROAGGRESSION. For fuck's sake, people, acting like the names are ridiculous, incomprehensible, outside of what "friends and colleagues" could comprehend, is RACIST AS FUCK. And I see people say stuff like this constantly.

"But I only meant I was struggling--" THEN WHY DID YOU ASSUME OTHER PEOPLE WOULD STRUGGLE THE SAME WAY? STILL RACIST

"But I could say that about the abbreviations in any--" BUT YOU SAID IT ABOUT THIS FANDOM SPECIFICALLY AND CONTEXT FUCKING MATTERS AND IN THIS CONTEXT IT'S RACIST.

"But it was on my personal blo--" LOOK IF YOU WANT TO BE RACIST ON YOUR PERSONAL BLOG I CAN'T STOP YOU BUT IF YOU TAG ORIGINAL POSTS INTO MAIN FANDOM TAGS THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE WILL SEE YOU AND KNOW YOU ARE RACIST.

The person who posted the above, when I said it was a microaggression, demanded to know how. So, for them and everyone else in this fucking fandoms, I present what any of them could have learned by googling the term. The definition of microaggression:

(Source)

[Image ID: a dictionary entry for the term "microaggression." It reads: "noun. A comment or action that subtle and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member if a marginalized group (such as a racial minority)." End ID]

What that screen cap says about names is literally the textbook definition of a microaggression.

Chinese names are just names. The way Chinese sounds is just the way a language sounds. Cultivation is inherently based in Eastern culture and cannot be completely divorced from that context even for a cute AU. I'm so tired of seeing posts saying things like "MXTX just stole the plot of (insert Western myth/folktale/fable here)". Do yall realize how fucking racist you're being? Do yall realize how fucking racist even I've probably been by accident because I'm also a dumb white USAdian?

I've been holding this post in for like a year, but the person who posted that screen cap, who doubled-down by posting a non-apology to all the MXTX main tags, and who acted like I'd said something insane when I told them it was a microaggression...they're apparently my last fucking straw.

DO BETTER, WHITE WESTERN DANMEI FANDOM. We all need to learn and listen and knock it the fuck off already. Me included.

Please, please listen when people say "check yourself." Seeing this stuff everyday is exhausting even for ME and I'm not even in the marginalized group. Chinese people (including diaspora) who stay in the fandom here despite the constant deluge are strong as fuck and they do not deserve this and, as a white person, I'm so so sorry white people are like this.

[thememestho]

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ 911 fox sentence meme

enjoy this overly extra sentence meme series. episode 2.13 (part 22 of ?) trigger warning of domestic violence mentions

Given the amount of blood, I would say minutes, not hours.

It's me, it's _____. I'm here, okay?  I just need you to stay with me, ____.

All of her stuff is still here.

Greatest love songs ever written. ( Chuckles ) And every one of them reminds me of you.

I am, it would appear, the heart surgeon that stole your heart.

I'm really proud of you.

No, no, put away those Two-Buck Chuck glasses. An occasion like this requires something more distinctive.

Accidents happen, right?

My mother always used to say that an accident is just an opportunity to learn.

Is he dead?

I didn't want to hurt him. I liked _____. We were friends.

I needed to make sure you were safe.

Can you just pull over? We can talk.

There is no coming back from that.

I got here as fast as I could.

She was alive when he took her, and that's what we're gonna hold onto right now.

Sorry about this, buddy. 

You're not supposed to be in here.

You know, ____ didn’t believe me. He said no one could be that stupid. I said, "You don't know ____."

So... that was a bold move.

Oh, no, I know what you were thinking. I got sisters, too. Still not sure how you thought you were getting away with it, though.

I wasn't worried about that.

Those rules, they don't apply to me, right? 

Then why are you in hospital jail?

I said that she didn't need to keep on running, that she could start over here, that she would be safe. That I would keep her safe.

This isn't your fault.

Okay. Let's go. The car's out front.

Not yet. But the night's still young.

This isn't my case. I'm just a concerned friend of the victim.

Here are the ground rules: You don't leave her sight, you don't lie, you don't withhold any information from her, you don't break the law, and you don't do anything that's gonna force her into early retirement. You got it?

I can't imagine my life without you.

You see? Never give up hope.

Hey, where you going?

I said back away.

A vacuum to stop a baby crying? I missed out on all this.

Wow, uh, he went all out, huh?

He always puts his heart into everything.

I needed to get some coffee. Then we thought, you guys probably need some, too.

Ah, we haven't met, but I love you.

We brought food. Got you a bear claw.

We'll tell him the truth. Whatever that turns out to be.

You know, he was worried, so he wanted to come down and make sure everything was okay.

He was worried about you.

Do I want to know how she obtained this very important information? 

Let's just call it an anonymous tip and not look any gift horses in the mouth.

My gut is telling me not to count your sister out just yet.

_____ didn't just rebuild her life. She rebuilt herself.

I don't think he has any idea who he's dealing with now.

We have to get off this road.

Do you think this was my fault?

You must think I'm an idiot.

That's what I do. I help people think clearly in a crisis.

I heard you had another surgery.

I guess I’m catching up with you. 

Does your dad know you're in here?

I wasn't worried. I'm starting to think he's invincible.

Don't eat the meat loaf. That's how I lost a tooth.

Well, that and I remember what it was like to live at a hospital. Uncomfortable chairs, terrible food.

Guess he thought he could handle it on his own.

Alright, I guess I'll make us a fire. Give us some warmth.

I'm trying to impress my wife, and they're down there flirting with her.

What is it with women? They get all weak-kneed over a man in uniform.

Yeah, I guess I'm a man in uniform, too, huh?

It's a warm night for a sweater.

Don't be afraid to run. Be afraid to stay.

I'm such an idiot. I'm the one who put her in danger.

How could I not see it? 

Because psychopaths don't generally announce that they're psychopaths.

You don't have to lie to me. I know what he said.

I didn't give up.  I... I didn't give up.

No miracle here. That woman fought like hell.

I need you to keep your eyes open for me.

He made it through. You both did.

All this is... gonna heal. I'm gonna be okay.

[earnestly-endlessly]

Hi! Do you have any Cherik Army AUs? I've managed to find just 3.

Hi Anon, thanks for the ask. I found some good Army AUs, though some might not quite fall into the category of 'Army AU'. There are, surprisingly, few Army AUs that I have found, whereas there are several military and war AUs, but those don't necessarily involve an army. I did include a variety that involve an army in one way or another, though some fit the bill better than others. I hope you find some that you enjoy!!

Cherik Army AU

I Want to Guard Your Dreams And Visions – luninosity

Summary: I was reading Barbara Hambly’s Abigail Adams mystery novels, and then Erik/Charles American Revolutionary War AU happened. Little snippet in which they share a tent, drink coffee, and provide support to each other.

The Eggnog Riot – Sophia_Bee

Summary: 1826. The American Military Academy in West Point. The day after Christmas. Cadet Erik Lehnsherr wakes up naked with a certain cadet Xavier sprawled across his chest. He can only blame the eggnog.

No Man’s Land – ikeracity

Summary: It's 1914 in Ypres, Belgium. British soldier Charles Xavier has been in the trenches for four months of endless artillery fire, bone-deep cold, and constant fear of the enemy. But on Christmas Eve, the gunfire falls silent, and they climb out of their trenches for a Christmas truce. Charles, of course, meets Erik, the German soldier across the way.

My Land’s Only Borders Lie Around My Heart – pseudoneems

Summary: WW1 Christmas truce of 1914. Opposing soldiers Erik and Charles meet.

Le soldat – Iggyassou

Summary: Erik is in the trenches, trying to survive the war so that he can go back to Charles, his young lover waiting for him back at home.

Names – Squeegee

Summary: In the summer of 1917, British soldier Charles Xavier finds himself taking cover in a shell crater.

Not sure if the 'graphic' tag applies or not, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Quell a storm with pen and ink – patroclux

Summary: Charles had spared his life. That was not something he could easily repay.

They wrote letters to each other for two years, until Charles was pulled out of the war from a sudden illness and Erik remained to fight for a cause he didn't believe in. One that ultimately had no effect; one that stole away four years of his life.

Traumatized and persecuted, Erik applied for a post at Janus, a lighthouse in the middle of the Irish Sea. He thought being alone would do him good.

Despite the letters and despite the love, Erik didn't expect Charles to find him.

Hier steh ich an den Marken meiner Tage – MonstrousRegiment

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a spy in the SS, and his British liaison is strategist Charles Xavier. Their relationship from the moment they meet to a year after the end of the war.

Theme and Variations: War – ninemoons42

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a musical prodigy and a man destined for great things and great stages. But his life is shattered by a terrible accident that leaves him blind and trying to find his way back to his life, his music, and his place in the world.

Then he meets Charles Xavier, an agent of Section 8 of the Military Intelligence Directorate of Providence, and he finds himself listening in to clandestine radio transmissions and clicking Morse code, and these sounds are part and parcel of a war that can only take place in the shadows and the hidden places of history.

Strib nicht von Mir – ravenoftheninerealms

Summary: A squad of Allied Forces, led by Charles Xavier, liberates the Nazi concentration camp where Erik was being held prisoner.

Cold foxholes, warm hearts – oddegg

Summary: Basically, this is Band of Mutants. A little slice of life in Bastogne.

Photographs and Memories – tirsynni

Summary: When war-battered Erik Lehnsherr met Charles Xavier, the man kneeling in the dirt and whispering to a lost refugee child, Erik feared his days of running from his deviance was done.

Marching Home – Quietbang

Summary: For a prompt on the meme asking for fic dealing with the fact that, in comics canon, Charles served in the Korean war.

War meant something different to this generation, Charles knew.

Crash on the Levy (Down in the Flood) – Quietbang

Summary: “This is much bigger than you think. You're in the middle of a war, and you don't even realize, do you?”

He pauses, and answers his own question.“No, of course you don't. How silly of me."

The Knight and the Dagger – Dow

Summary: A Lieutenant in the Soviet Army, Erik Lensherr had no other goals than to find the man that killed his parents. But when a discovery yields a little boy with wings like an angel, Erik is shocked to realize that he isn’t alone. There are other people like him, both dangerous and alluring.

Lifelong Service – Pookaseraph

Summary: Erik thinks he should be the one to teach their recruits hand-to-hand combat; Charles makes a persuasive argument to the contrary.

Footsteps of uprooted lovers – ninemoons42

Summary: Against a turbulent backdrop of artistic, social, and political upheaval, the playwright Charles Xavier and the photographer Erik Lehnsherr find themselves meeting under less-than-polite circumstances, but part rather more amicably than they'd met.

When they find each other again in a Barcelona that is falling inexorably toward war, they find themselves taking up arms, each in his own way, and together they join a struggle for freedom, for love, and for their very lives.

Dear Soldier – Lindstrom, ToriTC198

Summary: "Dear Soldier,

I pray that this package finds you well. The organization gave us a list of odds and ends that you might need, but I thought that a person so far from home might appreciate something more than soap and tube socks."

When Charles' school decides to send care packages to the soldiers fighting in Vietnam, he chooses to also include a letter and a few personal touches. When Staff Sergeant Erik is the recipient of that particular care package it will spur a relationship that will change them both.

Fortunate Son – blueink13

Summary: he days leading up to and during Alex's deployment in Vietnam. Everyone handles it in their own way. Some handle better than others.

You’re Here – Deshonana

Summary: Everyone decides its a good idea not to tell Erik when his boyfriend comes home from the military.

Welcome Home –  loveydoveyecstasy

Summary: It's been two years since Charles was deployed to Afghanistan, and Erik can't wait to pick him up at the airport.

When Secrets have Secrets – ximeria

Summary: The arguments that take place in General Xavier's office when General Lehnsherr has a bad day are legendary. Quite frankly, no one really knows what's going on and if the two men have it their way, no one ever will.

Quiet Company – Sophia_Bee

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is always on the move. He's spent the last many years going from war torn country to war torn country telling the stories of the people there through photographs. Then one of his pictures is selected as a winner for the Pulitzer Prize and Erik finds himself stuck in London for longer than he wants. He ends up with an assignment to photograph Charles Xavier, a wealthy philanthropist who is intrigued to find himself working with a Pulitzer-winning war photographer. Erik is far less intrigued by someone he considers privileged and out of touch. Both of their lives are about to change in ways they couldn't imagine.

The City is Ours – RedStockings

Summary: Erik felt his heart racing with excitement, lightened, and for once felt joyful. Charles had looked at him, really looked at him, and there had been something there, a knowing of a kind. As the soldiers laughed amongst each other, and joked each other about who would succeed in marrying the boy, Erik made himself a silent vow. Charles was going to be his, and nothing would keep him from having him. He’d marry him, and he’d save him, and Charles would love him for it.

Not even the war could keep them apart... right?

Sign of the Times – dsrobertson

Summary: Casablanca-ish AU.

Charles Xavier meets Erik Lehnsherr in Paris, 1937. They spend the next two years with one another, stupid in-love, until war comes heavy in September 1939. Erik leaves for Poland and the Resistance movement there, promising to return. Charles is left in Paris, where Nazi jackboots march in, Summer of 1940. He becomes a member of the underground French Resistance, publishing illegal newsletters, leaflets, until news comes through in February 1942: Erik is dead. Charles throws himself into more dangerous work, meeting with Communists, helping derail a German train, and he does too much, goes too far. His friends find him safe passage out of France, out across the Mediterranean, to Morocco, Casablanca. It is here he finds Erik, alive.

The Waste Land – nekosmuse

Summary: The White Queen and her Shadow King sit on their throne, safe behind the psionic shields of the Walled City. The armies of Genosha batter uselessly at the gates, a war locked in stalemate. Magneto, camped in the frozen mud, receives word the Citadel intends to send a telepath to the front lines. The same telepath he met two years ago, who sat across a carved wooden chess set and offered Magneto the first friendly smile in a lifetime. The same telepath who still haunts his dreams.

Winter Comes With a Knife – RedStockings

Summary: It apparently came to no one’s surprise that the war-mage Erik Lehnsherr took up residence in the Dark Keep. I knew he was going to choose my sister, Raven, to be his apprentice so why wouldn’t he let me go? What did he want from me?

My name is Charles Xavier, I can read minds and use magic. I’ve met Kings and Queens, mages and magic users. I’ve travelled through lay-lines and jumped through the Dark Void… but none of that really matters.

I am leading an army into war, I am scared and I never wanted this. I’ve come to realise that what I want, rode into my life when I was still a child. Now he’s out there, ready to charge into battle. Ready to die for me.

Polaris – LastAmericanMermaid

Summary: Charles Xavier is 19 years old, doe-eyed and soft; Erik Lehnsherr is 24 years old, steely-hard and bitter. One is a soldier, the other a refugee. Both are mutants. There will be pain, oh yes.

(An AU in which Charles is a wounded British soldier, Erik is the German hiding in France who nurses him back to health, and the contents of this fic are best read to the soundtrack of Atonement.)

Note: Unfinished

MEDIC! – paladin_danse

Summary: A British airborne medic finds himself alone and afraid behind enemy lines. When he decides to save the life of an S.S. German officer he finds wounded in the snow, he has no idea the choice he has made will alter the course of the war—and their lives—forever.

Note: Sadly unfinished

Suicide is Painlesss – weethreequarter 

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr did not become a doctor to pick bullets out of children. Unfortunately the US Army had other ideas.

Stuck in the middle of the Korean War, Erik and his fellow civilian surgeons have to battle not only the war, but also weather, mud, and boredom. And that's without mentioning Major Sebastian Shaw who thinks war is the best thing that's ever happened to him and never should've been allowed to pick up a scalpel, or Colonel William Stryker who may or may not work for the CIA and probably doesn't even know himself.

Throw in new arrival Captain Charles Xavier, and Erik is in for a very interesting war.

Note: Unfinished

A Light That Never Goes Out – R_Cookie

Summary: It was meant to be the war to end all wars; these two men were never supposed to meet. One a German Jew, the other a British surgeon. The odds that their paths should cross were next to none - but War defies the expected. It always has, and always will.

From the beaches of Dunkirk to the treacherous slopes of Monte Cassino - this is their story.

WWII AU.

Note: Unfinished

[folatefangirl]

BELLA FOR THE MEME PLZ

Full Name: Isabella ~~Gurl, Slay~~ Marie Swan Gender and Sexuality: Girl/Futch to Butch Lesbean Pronouns: She/Her

Ethnicity/Species: Human Superpowered Vampire Slayer Birthplace and Birthdate: September 13, 1987 in Forks, Washington Guilty Pleasures: energy drinks, doomscrolling, Norwegian black metal Phobias: losing her powers, claustrophobia, rejection by the people she trusts wholly What They Would Be Famous For: Stopping a lot of humans from being murdered/solving cases the cops don't care about/being a Vampire Slayer who takes no shit. What They Would Get Arrested For: In this police state society, what can't cops arrest you for anymore? 🙃 But realistically, probably for meddling with cop affairs too much since they'd see her as a vigilante and also if she ever fucked up and harmed someone in the process of doing what she wants to do in her capacity as a Slayer. Think of how much damage superheroes accidentally cause while fighting villains and then consider how real people would respond. (Lulzy concept from this? Slayer Liability Insurance lmao.) OC You Ship Them With: Not an OC but it's pretty clear she's being paired off with Leah Clearwater lmao. Sorry, Belice shippers. OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Again, not an OC, but uhhh. Edward Cullen. 👀 Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Supernatural Thrillers or Crime Thrillers or True Crime (NOT Romance. 0/10 for Bella with romance novels, especially vampire romances. Ew.) Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: The female protagonist is helpless and can't save herself and must rely on A Man^TM to rescue her. Talents and/or Powers: Basically all the Slayer superpowers. Enhanced strength, speed, reflexes, other senses. Pretty sure I also kind of implied she has an abnormally good memory by accident. Marginally related to the above, but she'd probably be pretty darn good at (mechanical) bull riding. (I mean, probably real bull riding, too, but there's ethical issues with that sport). Why Someone Might Love Them: She's very confident in herself and what she can do and seems very strong because she internalizes any self-doubt and insecurities and any weaknesses as much as she can. She's conventionally attractive and physically fit and cares a lot about protecting those who are weaker than herself and sees it as her duty, as something that comes with the job of being a Slayer. She'll only let those who are closest to her see her soft side or any vulnerabilities. Why Someone Might Hate Them: Relates to the above, actually. She's very stubborn and can get fixated on doing certain things her way, which can come across as controlling and frustrating if people disagree. She's also not fond of expressing emotions (besides the angry ones), which probably discomforts people who prefer people who are emotionally truthful and not emotionally constipated. Also presumably people hate her for trying to kill them because they're vampires. Oops. How They Change: My intent in the story is to show how she becomes softer over time as she learns to process the hurt she's experienced (rejection from both sides of your family at a very young age sucks majorly) and express herself better. At the start of the story, she's in the mindset that if she lets herself feel hurt, then she is accepting that she can be hurt and that it will be a catastrophe since people will seize upon her weakness and destroy her, essentially. And then Giles and the council and other slayers will reject her, too. She's very wrapped up in her identity as a Slayer because it's basically all she's ever known. Why You Love Them: I love Bella because she's my Bella and no one else's, and admittedly I'm using her to process some of my own traumas as a queer ExMormon who had these books pushed on me as a kid. I also stole some personality traits from my older sisters, who I admire very much (they raised me in a lot of ways), so I think she's a pretty cool badass and that might explain part of the decision to make Jacob Black a younger sibling figure instead of someone who's interested in her romantically, in case anyone is wondering about that change. Admittedly, it's very vindicating and fun to rewrite a story with a lot of toxic ideas and be like "um no, fuck that" and reclaim it for yourself and also use it as a platform for good things such as the Move to Higher Ground campaign.

Thanks for the ask! This put to mind some things I hadn't quite expressed in my notes or outline for this fic (which someday I do hope to finish lmao).

[laterzgators]

How the gang would be like in modern times.

Kinda basing this off of texts I have with my friends because I get reminding everyday that my old friend group (kinda still my friend group.) are like the gang.

————

Ponyboy

He would have like an iPhone 6 in 2020. And he would be so upset about it. But he wouldn’t complain cause his brother didn’t have money for him to have an iPhone 11 or something.

He uses every platform to text. He probably only texts like Johnny and sometimes Dally.

Johnny and him would FT for hours and during them be like “look what I sent you.” And then proceeded to a meme.

Still a whiny baby boy but 2020 edition

Didn’t pay attention to politics cause he isn’t voting so he has no say. :/

Would probably watch anime- but like mainstream.

Has two instagram accounts one for public people he knew and a secret one to post what he wanted cause Darry probably looked into his phone-

Tries to show Darry how to use a smartphone. Darry won’t understand it. But he tried.

Track team until COVID hit 🙄

Hated virtual learning. HATED IT.

Especially when Darry didn’t have work that day he would peep into Soda and Pony’s room to see him on his desk on a call.

Pony putting his arm down shooing him away. “Darry...I’m in class please shh.” “Don’t worry bout me I’m just listening. Making sure these teachers actually are teaching ya.”

Somehow went brain dumb with this type of learning some days so when a teacher would ask him to answer something he would mute and turn off the camera or leave the call.

He was happy when he did know the answer a certain day.

• Having to text Johnny or Two bit to join a class cause the teacher was doing attendance.

—

Johnny

Texts Ponyboy and Dally pretty evenly. Though Pony would start being whiny when he didn’t answer. Johnny also probably had an older phone like an iPhone 6 or se maybe even an LG but he wouldn’t complain. He was just fine with having a phone. At least it worked.

Has a whole Instagram account about memes. Pony probably helps manage it.

Watches anime with Pony cause he finds it interesting. Does he understand what’s going on? No not at all but if Pony likes it then it’s okay.

Does really like Naruto though-

He hates school. It’s bad enough he skipped it most days. But now ITS AT HOME SO HE HAD NO EXCUSE TO NOT DO IT!

He would usually join the zoom calls but he kept his camera off and was on mute. His parents were probably arguing-

Some days he could be with Pony at his house and did his zooms from there.

Pony spamming him to join the class.

Pony: “Johnny Mr Fullb-“

Johnny: “I’m about to join just be patient pony.”

Dally sent him a nude once and he was SCARED. Dally used social media for that purpose but we will get more into that later-

He apologized a lot btw-

FT calls were fun cause he would put his phone in a certain position and do work and Pony being high on adrenaline would run around his room and you could see it on camera. It was funny.

—

Dallas

Where do I even start for this man....

TAKES FREAKING A MILLION NUDES LIKE IM NOT EVEN KIDDING ITS GROSS

Poor Johnny once got sent one on accident.

He is still traumatized

Virtual women and real women double bonus for him. He would text or dm one chick and be asking a girls number physically at the same time.

Mans gotta multitask-

Bully people on the internet.

Mainly pony for some reason. He did it playfully but Pony would get upset so quickly-

Pony.boy_curtis posted a picture. Caption: Read this poem at school and I’ve been vibing with it.

Comments: @Dal_winSton: Haha THATS dumb. (And more spam of him that includes 😀 that emoji.)

People would call him an eboy and he didn’t like that. He was just edgy in his own way.

Stole a iPhone 11 Pro so that’s how he has this phone.

GC with the whole gang existence and he was like “This is dumb we see eachother everyday.”

He was a weird teen-

—

Sodapop

My manz always texted Ponyboy when he was to lazy to speak.

Texted a lot of people cause he was that guy. But mainly Steve, Sandy (when they were still a thing.), Darry, and Pony.

His IG was filled with nice pics of him and girls just commenting about how handsome he was. He got annoyed of it at a point and turned off the comment section.

Probably had tiktok and made Pony get it.

Had a free subscription of Spotify and my boy loved his music.

Texting pony is like.: “Hey could you tell Darry that I got the eggs he needed earlier.” Pony never told him. Darry got home with a carton of eggs and started yelling that they wasted money on extra eggs. And Pony stood there after hours of finally looking at the text and would just back up.

Random girls dming asking if he was single.

It made him uncomfortable.

But Steve would grab his phone and say random things to the girls and they’d leave him alone.

He didn’t understand Pony’s memes but liked them cause they were on his page.

He or Darry probably asked later on what it meant.

“Uh-huh.” Is the response after Pony took an hour explaining it.

Still didn’t get it.

Followed every single person he knew or liked on Instagram or any platform.

“PONY CAN I USE YOUR HOTSPOT MY INTERNET ISNT WORKING!!!”

Pony just yelled back sure.

—

Darry

You thought Soda was bad nah Darry is a full on Karen-

Had probably had a flip phone until 2018

Loved Karen memes. Pony would see him liking them on fb and he’d just LAUGH.

Yelling at Pony to help him with his phone.

Pressed the wrong buttons all the time.

Probably had an LG-

DIDNT get texting 🤦‍♀️

Telling Pony not to talk to strangers on the internet.

Would have Rants on Facebook.

He pays for cable even though no one in that house used the Tv except him.

Would be so confused on the GC

“IF YOU ARE GONNA GO OUT WITH JOHNNY PUT ON YOUR MASK PONY!”

In the GC: Two Bit: Calm down Jamal dont pull out the nine.

Darry: Who is Jamal and what do you mean by pull out the nine??

Pony: PFT- CHILE I-

Darry: WAIT I SEARCHED IT UP IN THE GOOGLE DO NOT SAY INAPPROPRIATE THINGS IN THIS CHAT TWO BIT MATTHEWS!!!

It’s scary seeing him in our times-

—

Two Bit Matthews.

MEME LORD

All the memes all the jokes he understands it.

He is an intellectual.

Was barley passing school. He was usually on his phone in class.

He probably also had tiktok.

Dmed girls all the timeeee-

Hey good looking

You have been blocked by this user

WHA-

Yeah he didn’t realize girls didn’t like that

Had a whole page dedicated to memes because obviously.

DIDNT join virtual school at allllll

He was busy playing roblox like the cool kid he was.

He is legit a 9 year old-

Hated wearing masks but he did it.

Still hung out with Pony and the gang even with Corona.

He spammed the GC at like 4 a.m when he was super sleepy but still awake and asked all kinds of questions.

“If we call an orange orange can we call orange fruit?” Confusion.

He was something else-

—

Steve

Texted Soda during work.

Also texted Evie during work.

Google was his new best friend.

He used google a lot he just did.

Only had Instagram cause Sodapop begged.

He got used to it after a while.

Would get Ponyboy in trouble whenever he posted something that he knew could get him in trouble

Would post pictures of Darry doing random things and say “Superman” in the caption. LOL

Used LMAO a lottt for some reason

On the GC if someone was spamming he’d just say SHUT UP. Like a lot but he would.

He never wore his mask and if he did it was on his chin.

Pictures of chocolate cake.

That’s probably it lol.

——

That’s all. I hoped you liked it. Sorry I’m posting so late lol-

[nokas-meme-den]

Shit heard in Ghost Stories meme

"When this bitch kicks, I'm moving to Vegas."

"Have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?"

"I don't care about your cat, he's probably dead."

"Principals always look like lesbians."

"When a stronger spirit appears, the weaker spirit cowers. But all evil spirits cower before Jesus!"

"Oh my, what a gifted seamstress. I hope you're not a homosexual."

"If you want something to happen, you just need to pray! And not be a Muslim. Or Jewish."

"What the fizzityuck was that?"

"Where's the damn cat?"

"These pajamas are gay."

"Hey, I've got an idea. Why don't you come to the scary, isolated pay phone on the bad side of town, alone?"

"Maybe you have a hidden talent you don't know about! Like Paris Hilton being an actress! Oh, scratch that."

"THINK OF A BIG BLACK MAN CHASING YOU!"

"A car accident... must have been hit by an old Chinamen. I don't mean to be racist, but those people CANNOT drive."

"You'd be surprised just how many transgressions a filthy little sinner like you can rack up in just a day."

"Look, a little Jew boy."

"Come rub my nipples."

"Drop the Krispy Kreme, Serpiko! We need your help here!"

"My BS detector is going DING!"

"I can read. Not well, but I can read. And those letters... are BACKWARDS!"

"The weird part is, I'm not even high. Not a bit. Totally sober!"

"The internet was a blessing from the Lord Jesus to spread the word of God throughout the world, but then Muslims and pedophiles stole it and used it to lure out and seduce children like you."

"Hey, want some candy little boy?"

"You can use it if you promise not to be on the phone too long. I know how you Pagans take advantage of others."

"A bunch of somber, quiet people against a red nuclear sky near a river of blood. Wow, that doesn't look threatening at all."

"Why? Because Jewish people rock!"

"That's so sweet... in a 'you scare the crap out of me in an Emily Rose' kind of way!"

"Here, you can take pooky-poo. He used to be my man, but we broke up."

"The V on my sweater stands for 'Very Big Deal', but that's beside the point."

"Come on, jump... I SAID JUMP!"

"Yes, the animal cemetery. Hear the plot point bells going off?"

"I hope Stephen King never sees this."

"She's looking straight at us, I don't think we hid very well."

"Those 3 to 4 cardboard boxes aren't going to hold them for long!"

"Lord reveal your salvation, for I am your favorite among these heathens."

"Yo sensei Dave, what's haps on the snaps with the craps?"

"You two-timing son of a bitch! Who's gonna take care of these little bastards!?"

"Oh splinter ohhhhh!"

"Shut up. You're here, and you're an idiot."

"Years ago, people went in there but they didn't come out. Not unlike your sister."

"2.2 Celsius... Metric system. Who thought this was a good idea again? I'm just gonna put 100. No one's gonna know."

"Oh perfect, it's in Japanese. Ching chong nong ding tow! Wait, that's Chinese."

"God, can you go bomb an abortion clinic or something?"

"Creepy Japanese men can be cabbies too y'know. But women should never be allowed to drive."

"Obeying horror movie rules, I'm going to go out alone. You stay here while I go look for help."

"I'm not giving you a reach around."

"You're such a bitch."

"First we do a geographic montage to show we traveled a long way from your house. There, that should be enough."

"I'm gonna beat you retarded."

"Jesus saved my ass."

"And what a lovely little ass it is, too."

"¡NO CORRAN EN EL HOSPITAL, CABRONES!"

"Now that is some really nice animation."

"Nice rack. Mind if I make 'em a little bigger? Ahahaehehahhha boobies. Loooove boobies. Nice lips too. I USED TO HAVE LIPS!"

"Lunchtime BJ?"

"Let's see... purple, for your hair. Can't tell this was a goddamn anime."

"Okay. Stop trying to look up my skirt. IT'S A CARTOON!"

"Holy time machine, Batman, it's 1973!"

"Holy pre-Parkinson's Michael J Fox Christopher Lloyd Back To The Future plot ripoff device! Where's my DeLorean?"

"I'll grab her ass!"

"Oh damn anime, look what's happened to my eyes."

"Leo! Leo! Leo! Leo! Goddamnit! Goddamnit! Goddamnit! Goddamnit!"

"It's the chick from The Ring! I mean, The Grudge! What movie are we ripping off again?"

"Oh my god, did that spell work? You know, like the one where you write your name in an eraser? I hear the head cheerleader's having an abortion."

"Such a bitch! Stop being such a friggin' skank and give it back!"

"Sometimes yes means no!"

"Moshi moshi! I mean, hello."

"Tomomi? Ain't no Tomomi girl living here, so what?"

"Get your cracker ass into some rehab, I ain't got time for this bullshit."

"MOTHAFUCKA."

"Run! She's a ghost and a bitch!"

"I'm goin' fuckin' crazy."

"HEY! Maybe if they paid their fuckin' phone bill, you could call again!"

"Nobody's talking to you. Just drive the bus, bus driver. Fuckin' nosy."

"Oh, sorry. All you little yellow people look alike to me. And African Americans, but not the Mexicans. Why do you think that is? I mean, don't you find that just the weirdest thing?"

"Romans 1:26, God gave them over to shameful lusts!"

"A view of the blood-stained lake. AHHHHHHH"

"Oh it may be blue now, but soon it will be redder than Republican Texas."

"No, I'm serious, bitch. I swear to god. Blue."

"Maybe this vase isn't nailed down."

"We go with the snow but not the snow that is yellow!"

"Alright everybody, it's 4:30. School is finally over. Time to go home, load up that bong, and watch Pokemon!"

"Leave me alone, I'm doing my standard anime 'elbows up' pose."

"Oh wow. I can't even comprehend how inappropriate this is."

"GOD YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK."

"God you are four of the ugliest fucking kids I've ever had the misfortune of laying my eyes on. I can't wait for this bitch to kill you."

"NANIIIIIII?"

"Oh my, definitely a 10."

"If you do, I'll suck you all for a Scooby Snack."

"Any closer and there'd be insertion."

"I may be a successful doctor, but first and foremost I'm a Jew."

"You know what I hear? I hear the sound of you shuttin' the fuck up."

"Let's see... 7?"

"What the FUCK are you talking about!?"

[gaming-thoughts-by-an-idiot]

"You're suffering from 'rad worms', I'm suffering from a lot of things... like irritation."

"I'm glad my choices are shown in the wasteland"

"Why can't they realise I shot them on accident? I'm lowering my weapon? Ugh fine, bye brotherhood"

"Mmm loot"

"The motherlode? I've never heard of that quest before"

"2/5? Cheatsss, where ya at"

"Ok, its 1am, I don't have time to do a full quest."

"I wish Beckett said nice things to me"

"What am I doing here again? Right. Foundation thing"

"Aww... bye bryan..bryanand...seth? Bye you two, you're welcome to join my group anytime"

"I need--" *controller starts to vibrate* [cave man spongebob meme] "where, where the bad"

"Ew people outside..."

"Its 1am? Go to bed humans, what the f, who's outside at 1am mon- tuesday?"

*jumps from train car to another* "whee"

"Where the fuck is--" *loud unknown alien shreik that's choking on soda* "fucking fuckety fuck, can people PLEASE stop leaving their power armour skeleton behind? I'm going to cRY"

"Aaaaaa where is the fucking thief... fine, you win, I'll put on the tracker"

"52% you fucker"

"YoU aRe SuFfErInG fRoM rAd WoRmS"

"Blood eagle flayer? More like blood eagle FLYING- EYY"

"Yes raider woman, my weapon is amazing. I bought it from my adopted player. For 5k, worth it tho"

"Smile, Meg. I'm not taking a new pic, this is it. No no I gave you the chance"

"DoNt ThEy KnOw We WeRe HeRe FiRsT"

"Dude... if you sit in a chair, and leave and come back and a person is sitting there... that's not your chair anymore, if you didnt put your name on it, or say loudly that's your seat. Bruh, you're stealing their shit. Just own up to it, lame ass raider. Nuka world raiders wouldve killed you for breathing"

"I've soon caught up to my sister in level... I cant wait, its gonna be a race from there on"

"I hate Raf"

"Killing a glowing creature isnt a daily? Wtf? Its 1am?"

"??? Ok somehow I missed the glowing creature part of the daily?"

"If I sleep now, I can game more tomorrow"

"I feel so fucking clever. If I sell the photos to foundation or crater, then jump map, and then give it to Davenport... it's like I never did and I've earned 160 caps bitches"

"Pumpkin house... camp... Davenport... sleep"

"Get out of there so I can lock your fucking container"

"Why is there like 6 people left on the map"

"Theres a fucking fly in here and this is why you dont open windows"

"6 hours until I have to wake up, and it could've been 7 or even 8 but noooo~ I just had to do the daily🙄"

"I'm sorry fam, I have to leave...... to join another world"

"Is it still adopting a player if the character is a higher level than you? Bcuz I've somehow adopted one that's lvl 300... or wait, no, I didnt get adopted cuz I didnt require help or anything? I helped them... if anything the player is stalking both my characters??? I am confusion 😖"

"... theres a nuke...... ok it depends on the other players"

"Oh fuck yeah, I'm going"

"Cmere papa wendigo "

"I just stole a magazine right in front of a high level dude omg I'm so scared"

"Ok, I'm ready, liquid courage"

"Why do players shoot on others? Is it to check if they pvp? Of they have Pacifist on? Like? Why waste bullets"

"Damn! That was like 4 mins, always join high level players, wow!" *me being a high level player*

"Amazing, I cant get over it"

"Ok, camp, then sleep"

"... no, no more quests."

"Yay, five floors... ok, jesus, gaming is addictive"

"Goodbye friends, thank you for the event"

[akechicrimes]

7 or 71 for either shuake or yukamitsu [big eye emojis]

7. “I told you that I’d never leave you; I’m not going anywhere.”

On Goro’s thirty-fourth birthday at ten-thirty in the morning, Akira calls him at work and says, “Happy birthday, dear. I just got hit by a car, and I need to know what color bike you want.”

*

On Goro’s thirty-fourth birthday at ten-thirty in the morning, Akira calls him at work (which Goro dubiously eyeballs for a whole four seconds before picking up) and says, “Happy birthday, dear. I just got hit by a car, and I need to know what color bike you want.”

Well, neither Goro nor Akira own a car for Akira to drive, so that means Akira got hit on foot. Goro is very calm, and has no immediate panic response to that, because he’s a rational and responsible adult. “Are you dead?” Goro asks.

“Probably not.”

“And is there a reason you’re calling me instead of the ambulance?”

“Oh, I’m fine. I think I have a bruise on one of my legs, if that counts. But I was riding your bike when it happened, so the bike got totaled, so, you know. They’ve got the same model you had, but there’s tons of new colors, if you want pictures.”

Goro takes a very long, very deep breath. Goro is very, extremely calm. “Anything is fine,” he says. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, hundred percent. I even landed on my feet; you should’ve seen it.”

“You should go to the ER anyway,” says Goro, in a voice that is truly the epitome of calm.

“I mean, I guess I could, but that seems like a waste of time. And I don’t want to just leave your bike in the middle of the road.”

“Throw it away if it’s wrecked, then.”

“But it deserves a proper send-off.”

“You’re doing this to me on my birthday, Kurusu.”

“I’ll go to the ER if you go with me,” says Akira hopefully, who is a perennially bad influence who is of the opinion that Goro should have just said he’d be ‘working from home’ and spent the day with him.

Goro takes a look at his calendar, tallies up how many meeting he’d have to reschedule, and waits a whole five seconds before he lets himself say, “Fine,” because Akira just said that he’s fine and Goro isn’t upset and everything is so calm that Goro can wait five seconds before agreeing to leave work. “I’ll see you at Leblanc.”

“Wait, wait, which color for the bike? They’ve got green, blue, a red, a kind of fun rose-gold thing, which is a bit excessive considering it’s a bike, and teal, and a kind of blue and orange Naruto-y thing…”

“Anything is fine.” Goro stops. “Except the last one.”

“Red it is! See you in a bit.”

“Don’t ride that bike back to Leblanc,” says Goro, as if lightning might strike twice on the same day on the same man riding the same model bike of the same color, but Akira’s already hung up. Goro speed-drafts a rescheduling email, copy-pastes it to four different people, and then sprints out the office door without even a goodbye to his coworkers.

*

Friday, 11:16 AM

FUTABA: hey

FUTABA: hey goro

FUTABA: hey gorororororororororo

FUTABA: HEY MR AKECHI KURUSU

GORO: If it’s about the traffic accident, I heard about it.

GORO: I’m going back to Leblanc now.

FUTABA: no it’s smthg else

FUTABA: well it is about the accident but i got smthg else for u

FUTABA sent MOV19.mp4

FUTABA: ripped this from the traffic cam

GORO: Is this footage of the accident?

FUTABA: yeehaw

GORO: …Thank you for the offer, but I don’t know if I want to see this.

FUTABA: ok i hear u but i promise it’s hilarious

FUTABA: and also u might feel better if u see it

FUTABA: like idk what he told u on the phone but like

FUTABA: look the car even slowed down at the intersection

FUTABA: the dude was obeying traffic laws and everything he was doing something like ten under the speed limit

FUTABA: the car ENTIRELY missed akira

FUTABA: got the bike full on

FUTABA: and then he just rolls up across the hood and up the windshield like a looney toon

FUTABA: rip ur bike tho it just goes cronch

FUTABA: instant pretzel

FUTABA: ty bichael for ur sacrifice

FUTABA: also idk i figured you

FUTABA: might wanna see for urself that he’s okay

FUTABA: like u can see him stand up at the end and he’s not even confused or anything he’s super duper ok

FUTABA: he’s not bullshitting u over the phone and pretending he’s ok when he’s not ok

FUTABA: u know how he does lmao

GORO: …Huh.

GORO: He really did land on his feet for a whole second there, didn’t he?

FUTABA: yeah like a cat

FUTABA: it’s nuts tbh

FUTABA: and then he remembers he’s a human and falls on his ass LMAO

FUTABA: show it to morgana i want his professional kitty cat opinion on the matter

FUTABA: rate akira’s near death experience

FUTABA: also the driver was v nice and v apologetic and he gave akira his insurance

FUTABA: but i have his home address and work address and phone number and the name of his dog if you want it

GORO: Just the insurance will be fine.

FUTABA: kk

GORO: …And thanks for sending the video.

GORO: Even though I already knew he was fine.

FUTABA: you know those like

FUTABA: itty bitty teeny weeny micro dogs

FUTABA: that are like four and a half pounds

FUTABA: but they think they can take any mfer on the block out of sheer will alone

FUTABA: and theyve always got their eyeballs bulging out and they pick fights with 70 pound dogs

FUTABA: and they have only two emotions which are rage and anxiety and they shake constantly because theyre only four pounds and they have So Much Emotion and nowhere to put it so they vibrate at the speed of sound

GORO: Is this a metaphor about me.

FUTABA: it’s a metaphor about you

FUTABA: because i can hear your shaky angry anxious four pound vibrating all the way from the other side of tokyo

GORO: You are the smallest, angriest, most anxious person I know, who regularly picks fights with international hacking organizations and billion-dollar companies.

GORO: And I, somehow, am the angry shaky dog.

FUTABA: your husband got hit by a car on ur birthday

GORO: I know that.

GORO: I do not need to be reminded.

FUTABA: ah yeah

FUTABA: sorry

GORO: He’s fine.

GORO: He said he’s fine.

GORO: And from this footage, he’s more than fine.

FUTABA: he is super double extra fine with a side of fine

GORO: Unless this footage was in any way edited.

GORO: And unless he was faking his call, somehow.

GORO: In which case, I’m going to walk into Leblanc and find out that he was just pretending to be okay so he could hear my voice one last time and Leblanc will be swarming with police officers to break the news the newly bereaved.

GORO: But that’s not going to happen.

GORO: Because Akira is fine, and I’m perfectly fine.

FUTABA: im rly glad to hear my man

GORO: This footage isn’t edited, is it.

FUTABA: no

GORO: Are you very sure?

GORO: Videos are easily modified.

GORO: Would you even know if it was edited?

FUTABA: yes im a literal wizard of course i would know

FUTABA: where are u even getting this idea from

GORO: The entire series of events is unrealistic, isn’t it?

GORO: You said yourself that it was almost like something out of a cartoon.

GORO: The likelihood that someone gets hit by a car and comes out of it entirely no worse for wear is practically ridiculous.

FUTABA: i ripped that film straight from the cam it is entirely unedited

GORO: But how can you be sure? Did you see him in live camera?

FUTABA: i mean no but he texted me

GORO: What if that was his dying text.

FUTABA: i rly dont know if his dying text would have been the “i lived bitch” meme with the cat filter

FUTABA: he’s fine dude

FUTABA: that’s why i sent you the video

GORO: I KNOW he’s fine.

GORO: I’m asking if there’s any solid evidence.

FUTABA: THE VIDEO

GORO: I’m going to call him. Brb

FUTABA: so what he can tell you he’s fine AGAIN and you’ll be like

FUTABA: “oh but what if it was secretly a pod person who stole his body after he died tragically after calling me one last time to hear my voice”

FUTABA: he is FINE

FUTABA: like go ahead and call him if u want but

FUTABA: the only person who was gonna edit that footage was me

FUTABA: and if he were dead i would not be functioning enough to be doing any kinda photoshop like that

FUTABA: let alone LIE to you jesus christ!!!!!

FUTABA: god

FUTABA: i pronounce you King Shaky Dog

FUTABA: the tiniest and angriest and shakiest and most anxious four pound goblin

FUTABA: i will reclaim my title tomorrow

FUTABA: for now it’s my birthday gift to you

FUTABA: the title of Shaky Dog allows you to go absolutely apeshit and nobody will judge you

GORO: You know I hate birthday presents.

FUTABA: did you call akira

GORO: I hate birthday presents so much that I will be refusing my title as King Shaky Dog and will henceforth not be going ape shit.

FUTABA: ok so

FUTABA: i didnt mean to

FUTABA: get snippy with you or anything

GORO: It’s fine.

GORO: I wasn’t… exactly polite, myself.

GORO: So.

FUTABA: um

FUTABA: you really can call him if you want

FUTABA: there’s nothing wrong with that

FUTABA: between u and me……………………. i definitely did that more than once for a lot lesser reasons than someone getting hit by a car

GORO: My stop is in less than thirty seconds.

GORO: I will probably live.

FUTABA: lmao ok well

FUTABA: if u change ur mind about losing ur shit then please know i gave u that footage in the first place because i think if something like that happened to MY partner i would mcfreakin lose it

FUTABA: speaking of her

FUTABA: sumi says happy birth btw

FUTABA: but cuter because u know how she is

FUTABA: “happy birthday crow-senpai~~~~~~~~” in her shy voice that makes u wanna die

FUTABA: ofoogofhghhfoghfhhghfh g gh SUMI ur so cute ilysm

GORO: Tell her I said thanks.

GORO: And stop telling me how much you love her and use the ring you made me go ring shopping with you for.

FUTABA: HHHHH

FUTABA: im being cyberbullied for being a cowardly lesbian

GORO: I’m at my stop, by the way, so I’m going offline.

FUTABA: which tbh i probably deserve

FUTABA: oh kk see u

FUTABA: watch the video again mr shaky dog

FUTABA: akira is fine

FUTABA: everyone is alive

FUTABA: you are one year older

FUTABA: happy birthday goro

*

The bike is totaled.

Akira isn’t the sort of person to dump a piece of trash right in front of Leblanc, but it’s hard to miss sticking out of the nearby public trash bin. The back wheel has exploded into serrated wheel-spokes and limb rubber bits that Akira’s shoved into the trash as best as he could. The body of the bike is crushed in on itself, exposing its sharp hollow innards; the handlebars resemble a badly-tied knot. The front wheel is left to stick up and out, creaking gently, spinning overhead from half a hinge like a head not quite fully severed.

The cafe is empty except for its usual barista who, of course, is a very normal and mild-mannered barista, who has nothing to do with the several hundred millions worth of dollars of repatriated art hiding in the attic en route back to South Korea. That would be illegal, of course, and Akira Kurusu-Akechi has never once in his life done anything illegal in the name of what’s morally right. “Welcome back, dear,” says Akira, and hangs up a coffee mug to dry, and it’s so normal that Goro is convinced that either he’s experiencing yesterday, or maybe he’s re-experiencing the year 2016 all over again, or maybe Akira really is dead and this is just his ghost.

Goro sits in his usual spot at the bar. Same chair, sixteen years later. Unbelievable. Maybe Goro’s giving him a little bit of a dumbfounded look, because Akira tilts his head, leans across the bar, and pecks Goro on the cheek.

“Where’s Sakura?” Goro asks.

“Having his midday old man nap. So,” says Akira, looking pleased with himself, “either we can close Leblanc for an hour and raid the kitchen and make lunch, or we can close Leblanc and go out and have a fancy lunch. Your choice because I already made dinner reservations and we’re doing those no matter what.”

Goro really means to give him an answer, because Akira really does love Goro’s birthday every year and never fails to pick someplace nice for the day, but instead what comes out of his mouth is: “Did you ride the new bike back home?”

“Yeah, I did. Figured I might as well take it for a test drive. It’s a good bike.”

“Why didn’t you take the subway?” Goro says sharply.

“Didn’t have my card.”

“You just rode the bike all the way across Tokyo?”

“It wasn’t all the way across Tokyo, just a bit away and back… Goro?”

Ah, Goro’s going to become one of those people who has a meltdown any time their loved one gets on a plane or a train or ksomething else associated with heebie-jeebie nonsense magical thinking. Great. Fantastic. God dammit.

“Do you really want me to go to the ER?” Akira asks eventually.

Goro really wants Akira to have never gotten hit in the first place, but people don’t get what they want and sometimes the universe decides to send one bad fucking driver through a red light and take away Akira’s entire life in a split second—one mistake, a coincidence at the wrong place and time, and the boy who fought God and won is a smear of bones on the pavement.

This would be different if it were sixteen years ago, and Goro had the power to bend people’s minds in half until they broke, or dive into the deepest, bloodiest parts of the collective psyche and pummel the worst of them to a pulp—but what’s he going to do here? Lambast a guy who was going ten miles under the speed limit and just wasn’t looking the right way? Is he going to summon a new Persona from his soul and undo time itself?

Can he do anything if the universe decides, one day, that Akira’s time on this earth is up? He spent all those years desperate for power, and then abusing that power, and then desperately guilty for having abused that power, and then desperately trying to get up that power, and now here he is with the power to do jack shit when his husband almost gets run over and if the Metaverse were still around he swears he would have carved Loki from his own soul out of sheer fury alone—

“No,” says Goro sharply, and stands up. “It’s nothing. I’m not hungry, and I’m going for a walk. Please don’t text me unless it’s an emergency.”

“What—hey! Goro, wait, wait—”

“I’m getting some fresh air!”

Akira’s scrambling to get out from behind the bar. “Didn’t you just get here—?”

Goro spins around and points a finger at Akira like it’s his fault: “You were the one,” he snarls, “who promised, when we got married, that we’d always be together. And now you get hit on a bike, and then stand up like it’s nothing and—and get on another bike and go cycling around the exact same streets where you got hit—? Aren’t you scared? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Akira falls silent. “I didn’t go back to the same intersection,” he says at last.

Goro can’t take this. “I’m taking a walk.”

“Wait wait wait, Goro, just—” Akira grabs Goro’s hand and Goro has the sudden urge to yank his arm away, but Akira’s hand is also incredibly real, just like it felt this morning and yesterday and the day before that and all the days Goro ever took Akira’s living, breathing body for granted. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. He was going, I dunno, twenty miles per hour at most. It was an intersection. He’d slowed down beforehand and everything, and I didn’t even get hurt on the fall.”

Right, because Goro’s the one who’s just freaking out for no reason. Right. Okay. Because that’s how he is, isn’t he, always being dramatic over little things. Right. Of course. This is fine.

When Goro doesn’t turn around, Akira moves around to the front to look him in the eye. “Sorry if I made you worry,” says Akira. “But it was really nothing at all.”

“Maybe it was nothing this time,” says Goro forcefully. “But what about the next time—the next car—the next time you borrow my bike? What about tomorrow? Or the day after that? Literally any one of the hundreds and hundreds of days coming up where you could easily die just as easily as you died today.”

“Then I’ll escape death hundreds and hundreds of times,” says Akira.

Goro scoffs.

“I mean it. I was a Phantom Thief, wasn’t I? I escaped death more than once. Did it again today. I’ll do it as many times as it takes until we’re both old and grey.” Akira takes Goro’s hand, but it’s Goro who laces their fingers together.

“Sometimes it doesn’t work that way,” says Goro, like a bad echo of his ten-year-old self, trying to figure out what kind of world would let his mother die.

“I’m just keeping my promise,” says Akira. “I told you that I’d never leave you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Sometimes that’s not your decision to make.”

“It is and I’ve decided I’m immortal until you die.”

Goro scoffs. “Don’t be arrogant.”

“Is it being arrogant? I didn’t let death steal you away from me. I’m not letting it steal me away from you, either.”

“Sometimes…” Goro begins.

“'Sometimes’ what?”

'Sometimes’ what?

Sometimes things get worse. People die early, and unfulfilled; they streak through the sky in a blaze and then wink out, without even a burst of fire to show for it. Sometimes nobody gets a say in what happens, and plans don’t pan out, and wishes aren’t granted, and everything happens for no good reason and no good end.

Today, Goro Akechi-Kurusu is thirty-four years old, about sixteen years older than he ever figured he was going to be. He has a career in a non-profit for maladjusted youth getting reacclimated to school systems and preparing for college, instead of the career in law he figured he’d have if he actually lived that long. He doesn’t just have one friend, but multiple friends. He has, unbelievably, a husband, which honestly still floors him to this day, considering that he was and maybe still is convinced that marriage is a scam devised by asshole men like his father to manipulate young women into a false sense of security. The other day, Akira mentioned that he wanted to get a cat to keep Morgana company, maybe in a few years when they moved into a pet-friendly apartment, and in Goro’s head, it made sense that they would both be alive and together entire years in the future for them to get a cat.

Today is already an impossible day, isn’t it?

“Sometimes,” says Goro flatly, “you say ridiculous things, and I think that you could actually pull it off.”

Akira grins. Akira leans in for their regular greeting kiss when one of them comes home, but this time, Goro closes his eyes, leans into it, really tries to memorize the feel of Akira’s lips on his. Every line and scar on his hands, the odd ends of his fingernails, that familiar way he waits for four beats, then takes a breath through his nose and kisses Goro again, and never can quite seem to avoid kissing him more on the bottom lip than the top. “I don’t make promises I can’t keep,” he says plainly not three inches from Goro’s face. “It’s bad form to leave a calling card and never show up.”

Goro smiles. “Then I won’t let you break your word.”

When Akira pulls away, he kisses the back of Goro’s hand, like a proper gentleman thief of old. “Happy birthday, dear,” he says, and surprisingly, despite the way this awful day started off, Goro thinks that Akira might be able to pull that promise off, too.

[alchemic-elric]

Munday Colors Meme || Accpeting

@dap-brown​ || @dolcetters​

🔴 Red - Do you have a dream AU you haven’t written in yet?

Normally when something comes to mind I just write it. Like what happened with Modern Verse. I wanted it so I started it, it just so happened that  @citrinexdreams​ and I started building our Modern Verses on top of each other so it became extensive and throughout.  

So now there’s a Map and house blueprints and it’s just...huge now. 

🟢 Green - How far, if at all, do you think you have deviated from cannon?

I want to say I haven’t gone too far but we all know his canon marriage and I ship chemistry more than anything else so he ended up with  Citrine’s Ling. Sorry he swooped in and stole his heart, I can’t help that.  

I have also give Ed a half million quirks. I think they make him more human but that’s just me. I have verses that are completely off canon like v; Pride within  and v; Life on the Front Lines.  Where he’s possessed by Pride  or he was old enough to serve in Ishval. The fun thing about RP is he’s my muse so I can do whatever I want. We can explore all kinds of things!

🟡 Yellow - What is the best motivation for you to write your muse?

Haha I just talked to a friend about this but sometimes some of the things I write reflect real life. Sometimes, like in the early days of my blog - Edward grieving his mother was me grieving my recently passed father.  Edward’s Car Accident in modern verse was highly influenced by my own car accident from years ago. I draw from real experiences to try to make things feel as authentic as possible.  

But I run on words of affirmation.  Positive things definitely gives me muse to write, as does Ed’s Playlist and my Playlist for Three Days Grace.  I also have a playlist for “Modern Ed Radio” aka bullshit he listens to himself / is on his computer and that gets me going.   Reading the Manga, watching the series, (new content, please sub daughter of dusk, someone!!!), reading the light novels also help! But as you can see music is a big part of it. 

This is a weird one but knowing my partner also tends to give me muse to write because i get more excited about our threads. I dunno but i also like talking to my partner about plotting and such. Please feel free to talk to me! 

[letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked]

Words On My Skin Part 16

Bucky Barnes x Reader (Soulmate AU)

A/N: Sorry this took so long! If you guys read my updates, you would have seen that my WIFI has been down for most of the week! Honestly, Century Link can just… burn in hell... They came today to ‘fix’ stuff, and NOPE! Not fixed. Using my mobile hotspot to post, and it’s slow af!

*This part is a filler, but has important information!*

Warnings: Bucky holding a baby... *heart eyes*

Main Masterlist // WOMS Masterlist

 “Alright, kid. Work with me, here.” You huffed out, for the third time, trying to wrangle the squirming baby – Farida’s son, Ilyas – into a good position to burp him. The burp cloth covered the whole left side of your shirt and shoulder, since you’d made the rookie mistake of not wearing it, once before. “You’re going to start getting pretty pissed off, if that burp doesn’t come out, soon.”

The little guy squirmed in response, a little whine squeaking out as he tried to burrow is face into the burp cloth.

You were tasked with the job of babysitting Ilyas, while Farida and her husband went to some work party on the Upper East Side, since Farida had texted you – freaking out that the party was last-minute, and they didn’t have anyone to watch him. She’d begged you to babysit, remembering how good you were with children when you’d met her family back in college, and you’d agreed with the condition that it was in the compound – since you were still technically working, and had mountains of paperwork to do.

She’d been so thankful that she’d brought you a succulent to put on your desk – the cactus with the red ball on top that you had to Google how to take care of – and a giant container of her mom’s recipe of a fish curry. She’d even gone as far as wearing the silky, floral scarf you’d sent her from when you’d shopped with Wanda at some name brand store – claiming it was so nice, she was going to wear it with her black dress to the work party.

“Knock, knock.” You heard from the doorway, just as Ilyas let out a large belch from your consistent patting on his back.

Perfect timing!

Glancing up, you grinned at Bucky – who was coming in with a large bag of take-out and a drink tray, “You’re my savior, right now. I’m starving.”

He startled, glancing down at the little boy who was currently spitting up on the burp rag placed over your chest. You picked a bad day to wear a white blouse. “Who’s this?”

“Farida’s son, Ilyas.” You laughed, wiping the baby’s mouth and turning him around so he could stare at Bucky and bang his slobbery hands on your desk. “She asked me to watch him while her and her husband go to some party for his work, or something. You missed Claire, by the way. Caleb brought her in and she played with the baby, while I finished typing up some forms for the new recruits.”

“Thank god I missed the two of you, together.” He snorted, plopping down in the chair and unpacking the food. “Last time, you both ganged up on me and stuck a bunch of magnets on my arm.” He passed you your container of French fries, stealing one from the open container and popping it in his mouth as he opened more containers. When he was done chewing, he continued, “Also, I had to take a dish scrubber to my hand, because the slime you guys were making got stuck between the plates of my fingers.”

“Poor you.” You giggled, shifting the food away from Ilyas’s reach, and opening the container that housed your sandwich. “You had fun, don’t even whine.”

“Maybe so,” He pointed his fork at you, leaning back in the chair and running his free hand through his tangled hair, “but you and Claire like to scheme when you’re together. It’s dangerous.”

You rolled your eyes, remembering when you and Claire kept sneaking up on Bucky – who probably knew exactly what you were up to, due to his insane hearing – and sticking magnets on him. Until, finally, he’d just grumbled and stuck out his arm for you and Claire to mess around with. Claire had a lot of questions, while playing with some letter magnets and spelling out names.

Anyways, he’d gotten you back on the mats, later…

Okay, that sounds dirty.

He made you do a lot of cardio.

…Still sounds dirty.

Jesus Christ.

“You’re good with him.” Bucky commented, staring at you while you shifted Ilyas around and brushed your hands over his dark hair, “I’ve never seen you with any other children but Claire… When did you become the baby whisperer?”

“I’m not sure that I am.” You smiled, while the baby played with the buttons on your shirt and laid his head on your chest, chewing on his tongue. “I babysat a couple times when I was in middle school and high school… but that was only for my friend’s little sister, when I wasn’t working at the coffee shop.”

“How’d you work at the coffee shop without your mom findin’ out?”

“I was supposed to be making the money by tutoring, but I worked a few towns away, instead.” You nabbed a fry from the container, taking a small bite. It had been a really small coffee shop, one that made specialty drinks but wasn’t popular enough to draw the attention of your parents. There was a slight suspicion that your father knew you were working, having seen your apron in your car once, but he never said a word. Your mother was the one who would’ve had a cow, anyways… and that she did. “I worked on the weekends, early in the morning. I left before my parents were awake and stashed my money in a safe in my closet. Our housekeeper was the only one who knew that I had a stash of money, but she never said anything. She covered for me, a lot… Until my mom found out I was working and forced me to quit.”

“You had a housekeeper?” He asked in surprise, eyebrows almost shooting up to his dark hairline. His dark hair was brushing into his face, which blocked the view a bit. “How big was the house?”

“My parents are pretty loaded.” You shrugged, the usual feeling of disdain in your chest. “They’re the stereotypical rich type. We had hired help, my parents travelled a lot, and we were part of country clubs… all that.” You grabbed your water, taking a sip and pushing back all the memories of forced tutors, forced dates, forced friendships, and diets. “I hated it. Everyone was so… awful.”

“What about other family?” He handed stole another fry from your container, replacing it with the pickles from his burger. “You don’t talk about them much.”

“My grandparents are kind of spread out around the world. I’ve never actually met them.” Ilyas shifted in your arms, pressing his cheek against your chest as his eyes started to droop heavily. “My mom’s parents lived in London for a long time, but I’m not sure where they are, now. I haven’t heard from them in years. I think they’re divorced, now.” You furrowed your brows, trying to remember where your mom’s sister lived. “I think my aunt lives in Paris, or something… I don’t know.”

“What about your dad’s side?”

“My dad was born in South Africa, actually.” You smiled, remembering the story that your dad used to tell you, back in the day. “His parents loved to travel the world, but when my grandma got pregnant, they slowed down for a while. They ended up in an accident, and my dad was born in… I can’t remember where… Close to the coast, I think.” God, it had been so long since you’d heard the story. “The accident was pretty bad, but one of the doctors saved my grandmother and my dad. They named my dad after him. Bokamoso. His friends call him ‘Bo’, though.” You rolled your eyes. “Apparently, they think his name is ‘too hard to pronounce’… which is completely stupid. I like the name.”

“When did they move to America?”

“My dad’s lived in America since he was young, but my mom didn’t move here until college. It’s where they met.”

That one took some prying, because they – surprisingly – met at a giant, booze-fest party. Your mother refused to tell you the story, deeming it inappropriate for her child to know, but your father told you the story – once you got a few beers him.

They’d gotten hammered, rolled around in a ditch for a few hours, and started dating by the next week.

You chose to forget the gory details that you’d received with your father’s colorful storytelling.

“We lived in California after I started middle school, because my mom wanted me to get a decent education and not fall behind from moving, like she almost did.” You finished your last french-fry, moving on to the pickles that Bucky had given you off his burger. “They continued to travel, but I was left home with the nanny.”

“If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?” He suddenly asked, cleaning up some of the mess on your desk with a small smirk lifting his cheeks.

“I don’t… I don’t really know…” With a frown, you handed him your empty container that used to contain your sandwich, dinking some more water before continuing, “I think I’d like to see where my parents are from… Or, maybe, see what Rome looks like.”

“Why Rome?”

“The history is interesting.” Gently, you moved the baby into his car seat, placing his soft blanket over his sleeping body as he twitched once – giving you a mild heart-attack – and fell back into his deep slumber. “What about you? Where would you go?”

“Wakanda.” He grinned, playing with the plates on his vibranium fingers as he talked, “I know I’ve already been there, but I only got to be there for a year or two… I miss it. There’s a lot of cool things to learn. The people in Wakanda were the first people to treat me like ‘Bucky Barnes’, instead of ‘The Winter Soldier’. Especially after I got my trigger words removed.”

“Shuri is the one who did that, right?” The kid who sends him all the memes and funny videos. “She removed them?”

He nodded, glancing up with a large grin. God, he had such a cute smile… “She also made the arm your so obsessed with.”

He had a point. You were kind of obsessed.

“I happen to think it’s awesome. Who doesn’t want a soulmate with a vibranium arm to stick magnets on?” You teased, stacking your paperwork into little ‘done’ and ‘not done’ piles. “Regular arms are boring.”

Glancing down at his phone with a snort, he pulled something up on his phone and showed it to you. It was the ‘notes’ in his phone, with little random reminders and memories saved in them. “I don’t remember much of my own past, but I did remember something that I’ve been thinking about since I saw you holding Ilyas.”

“You don’t have a love-child out there, do you?” You snorted, tone joking. “I heard about your wild times in the thirties and forties. You got all the ladies.”

“If there are, I don’t know about them.” He rolled his eyes, shoving the phone back in his sweatshirt pocket with a small smile. “Anyways, I still have a lot of missing pieces, but there was a random memory that came back when I was in Wakanda. I saw a woman feeding her baby, and it reminded me of when our neighbor had a little one. My sister, Rebecca, used to babysit for the neighbor and bring the baby back into our apartment. I think I helped a few times, but I was more concerned about going out with my friends and datin’ pretty dames.”

“Too bad for all the ladies in this century.” You leaned forward, snatching Bucky’s to-go cup full of pop and taking a sip of the carbonated, sugary, delicious liquid. God, how long has it been since you’ve indulged in sugary drinks? Yesterday, Y/n. Yesterday. Calm down. “You’re taken.”

“That I am.” He raised an eyebrow at you, unamused at the theft. “I was going to drink that, you know.”

“Mine, now.” You grinned, holding the pop close to your chest so he couldn’t steal it back. “Sucks to suck.”

“So, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.” His face switched into a neutral look, not betraying any emotion – though, his anxiety spiked slightly through the bond. “We kind of talked a little about it, but… what… What did you and Natasha exactly talk about, the other day? Is she going to be nicer to you?”

Oh… Ugh.

Did you really need to dive back into this topic?

“Yeah… She, uh, she said that she was jealous.” There was a faint twitch in his eyebrow at your words, but his face remained neutral, so you continued, “She told me that you were sleeping together before we got together, but you ended it.” You took another sip of the bubbly liquid, wishing that the cold coke would wash down the awkward feeling in your chest. A lump was starting to form, and images of the two of them together were starting to flash in the back of your mind, but you forced yourself not to react. You were going to be mature about this. You were going to act like the adult that you were, and not freak out. It was before you. “She said that she really liked you and she was jealous, that’s why she was a little… standoffish.”

“A little?” He snorted, lips lifting slightly. His eyes still held no emotion, but you didn’t need to look at him to know how he was feeling. You could feel it, yourself. Anxiety, mixed with a slight anger, and a dash of annoyance. “So… We never really talked about how you took the news. We kinda’ brushed over it.”

“What do you want me to say?” You leaned back in your chair, inhaling through your nose and closing your eyes for a moment, wishing that this moment would end. “I wish that it had been you who told me… though, I understand why you didn’t. It’s really none of my business, anyways. I just… didn’t like hearing it from her.”

“I didn’t want to tell you, because… well… I didn’t know how to bring it up, first of all.” You saw his adam’s apple bob when you finally lifted your lids to look at him. He was starting to trace the plates along his palm, again, which he did when he was nervous. “I didn’t think it was something you’d want to know.”

“It’s really not. That’s why I understand you not telling me.” Glancing down at your cellphone, you realized how late it was starting to get. The lights on that side of the compound were bright enough that you wouldn’t have even noticed through your office window that the sun had already set. “I just… I didn’t like hearing it come from her mouth. Especially the way she said it.”

His body went ridged, “How did she say it?”

“I’d rather not-”

“How did she say it?” He repeated, eyes tightening in anger. His voice didn’t raise in volume, but the annoyance he was feeling bled into his tone – which felt just like yelling. “Was she rude about it? Do I need to talk to her about it? What’d she say?”

“Bucky. Calm down, okay?” You snapped, crossing your arms and looking away, refusing to make eye contact. “It was as if she was trying to pick a fight, but I didn’t fight with her. It wasn’t anything bad. It’s over, and we’re fine. I’d rather drop it, please.”

The room was quiet for a few moments, the only sounds being your breathing and Ilyas’s quiet snores from his car seat. You could faintly hear footsteps from outside your office, and the quiet chatter of agents walking down the hallway, but the room was awkwardly silent.

Which you were awful at handling awkward silences.

You squirmed in your seat, fingers tracing along the hemline of your pencil skirt and glancing down at your freshly painted toes, which were visible since you’d taken your heels off hours ago.

God, someone say something!

Thankfully, you didn’t have to wait long, because he exploded.

“I just don’t get it!” He sprung up from his chair, and you flinched – though he didn’t notice, because he was too busy pacing the length of your office, from one side to the other. “Why the hell does she pick now to talk to you about it? Why the hell didn’t she talk about this months ago?” He stopped, throwing his hands up in frustration. “She still won’t even talk to me unless it’s work related. We used to be friends!”

Ah. So that’s what this was about.

You raised an eyebrow, not moving from your position in your chair, but glancing over at the sleeping baby, praying that he didn’t startle awake at Bucky’s little drama-show.

He continued to rant, frustration ebbing into your chest from the bond, and bleeding into your own feelings – but you didn’t say a word. You just watched him, eyes moving back and forth as he paced like a caged lion, anger coming off him in waves. You were listening to him, and you understood his frustration… but it was a little awkward, you had to admit.

“Are you done?” You finally spoke, as he halted his pacing, opting to cross his arms and stand by your window, watching agents bustle around the grounds like he was judging each and every person down there. “Bucky?”

His shoulders sagged, but he continued to stare out the window. “I just… Since I’ve gotten parts of myself back, I’ve realized just how few friends I really have. I lost most of them to the war, and old age.” A pang of sadness – from your end of the bond and his – tightened in your chest. “There are so few people in my life that I care about, and I don’t want to lose anyone in my new life. I already lost too many people I care about.”

“…and you don’t want to lose Natasha, too?” You supplied, voice quiet and calming, though you were entirely heartbroken for your soulmate. You stood, coming up behind him and wrapping your arms around his middle, resting your forehead on his back. His arms moved so he could rest them along yours, and you felt his breathing begin to even out. You waited until he was fully calm to continue, “I’m sorry.”

A breathy chuckle escaped his lips, and you felt the muscles in his abdomen clench with each little chuckle. “Why the hell are you apologizing, sweetheart?”

“I just… I don’t like that you’ve lost so much.” You sighed, snuggling into the warmth of his back and twisting your hand so you could entwine your fingers. “Breaks my heart.”

He pulled you around, so you were snuggled into his chest instead; and he could wrap his arms around you, tightly. You shifted your arms, wrapping them around his neck and tightly pulling him close. You wanted to wrap him in your arms forever, until all negative feelings in that man were gone. He didn’t deserve it. He’d had nothing but loss since HYDRA. Too long had HYDRA stripped him of his life, his body, and mind. He deserved so much better.

You breathed in his smell, warmth chasing away all the negativity in the bond, leaving you calm and content with staying in his arms for the rest of your life. You listened to his heartbeat slow to a regular pace, his breathing back to normal. You felt the warmth of his breath on the crown of your head, as his face pressed into your hair, breathing you in just as much as you were breathing him in.

“You make it better.” He finally murmured, his voice vibrating through his chest, and the side of your face tingled. “You make me better.”

You hummed, pulling back slightly when you heard a small whine coming from the car seat. Baby’s awake. You shifted so your hands were cupping his face, fingertips lightly pressed against his bearded jaw as you looked up into his ice-blue eyes, which gleamed with adoration. “You should talk to Natasha, okay? Tell her that you don’t want to lose her friendship.”

He closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into your touch as the baby’s whines morphed into shrill cries. “Okay… I will.”

“Good.” You smiled, sliding your hands down to his chest, before detangling yourself to pick up the angry child. Spotting the next day’s itinerary, you cursed under your breath. “Oh, I forgot. You have a haircut, tomorrow morning. The whole team have hair appointments, before the show.”

“Do I have to do another stupid interview?” Bucky grumbled, moving back to his chair as you grabbed a bottle from the little cooler to heat up in the hot water of your sink. He held out his arms, taking the pissed off baby while you scurried to warm the bottle quickly. “The last thing I want to do is another one of those shows where they sit you in a chair, in front of an audience, and ask you a million personal questions.” He shifted the baby into the crook of his flesh arm, trying not to use his metal arm; though, that was all the baby was concerned with, once he noticed it. “Makes me feel like I’m back in Dr. Collins’s office. I hate it.”

“Well, everyone’s doing it.” You replied, exiting the bathroom with a bowl of hot water from the sink, and sticking the capped bottle in the bowl to heat it up. “You have more fans, than haters, anyways.”

“No, I don’t.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes as he gave in and let Ilyas play with his hand, careful that the baby didn’t try to stick Bucky’s metal fingers in his mouth. Wow, he looked damn good holding a baby. Shut up, hormones. “I’m pretty sure that the majority still think I’m a terrorist.”

“You’ve proven that you’re willing to get better.” You insisted, finishing organizing your papers, before nabbing your phone and quickly snapping a photo of Bucky before he could protest. You had to document the first time you’ve ever seen the man holding a baby. It was hot. “Anyways, have you looked at social media? I don’t see as many trolls on your posts, anymore. If anything, it’s a bunch of horny people wondering what else you can do with that metal arm.”

His eyes widened, choking a little as his cheeks tinging red in embarrassment. He looked absolutely horrified. “What?”

“Oh, my god.” You laughed loudly, shaking your head as you grabbed the bottle from the bowl and passed it to Bucky, “You need to read the comments, more. They’re hilarious.”

“You read the comments?” He grimaced, adjusting the baby so he could feed him. He glanced at his phone like it was diseased, “Are they on the pictures of you and I, too?”

“Unfortunately.” You rolled your eyes, grabbing your phone off the desk and scrolling through some of the pictures on your profile. You hadn’t had many photos before your time at the compound, but there were a couple new ones. Mostly of Bucky, Wanda, or food. There was one that Tony had taken of himself when you’d left your phone unattended, with the caption ‘#blessed to be hacked by Iron Man, himself. -TS’. “Honestly, I think people mostly follow my social media to catch a glimpse of you or the team… Though, I don’t really post much else. Maybe some food pictures.”

“Mine’s not much different.” He stood, passing you the baby and setting the empty bottle on the desk. “Are you done with your work?”

“Why? What do you have in mind?” You raised an eyebrow, grabbing the rag to quickly burp the baby before you left your office. “Can I wear sweatpants?”

“Netflix marathon, sweat pants, and popcorn?”

“I’m in.”

Part 17

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Forever tags are open, but WOMS tags are closed!

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FOREVER TAGS: (OPEN)

@bettercallsabs @itsanerdlife @luckynumber1213@sassyandclassyx @mrsnegan25 @impossiblepizzapeace @glitterquadricorn @pigwidgexn  @iamnothereimnotlistening @saltymaddiee @ladyxred @pabegay1 @kgbrenner@nataliehasgrace @mellorine-paprika @i-just-wanna-run-hell@igiveupicantthinkofausername @goshdarnitthatsalongname @trashimaginezblog @ssweet-empowerment @thefridgeismybestie@wildefire @httpmcrvel @geeksareunique @whatmakesmebeme-tblr @breezy1415 @saltyy-fresh @artemis521 @usetheforce3434@aparadoxsstuff @iamwarrenspeace @gaining-confidence-for-life@come-with-me-and-imagine @courtneychicken@impalatobakerstreet @tbetz0341 @softlysgtbarnes @castellandiangelo @churchs-little-girl @sophiealiice @jurassicjosie @punkrockhufflefluff @thatoneboredkidhelp @riseabovetheexpectations @revivedrumble @cordelia-sagewright @readeity @fuckthatfeeling @greeneyedsuccubunny@theglowstickofdestiny @krazyk99 @demonspawn2468 @randomfangirl101things @iamzion-therealhabesha @wildlingsandcoffee @the-criminal-soldier @purpstraw@wordlesscaptain @a–1–1–3  @pheonixfoundation @xxxunluvablexxx @ilovetvshowsblog @bojabee @me-myself-and-i-4-the-win @karanliginkizilovato @iamthepenguinwhosearseisonfire @whoissebby @bojabee @fireismysafety @pizzarollpatrol @yourwonderbelle @julzdec @magnitude101999 @slytherinsforlife@littlemissporter @littlenugget8544 @mdgrdians @emiliehelstrom @callyourlawyers @imregnirbhsa @call-me-myrtle @vivid-fairy

WORDS ON MY SKIN: (CLOSED)

@fangirlinacoffeeshopweshare @lucky-fic-recs @artemis521@darkheartvamp @buckyflippinbarnes @sawdustandsugar@lovemarvelousfics @jadepc @importanttimemachinenerd@sebtrashcan-stan @markusstraya @redcresent @bookdragonhere @shitty-imagines-95 @901seconds @slender–spirit @loving-life-my-way @wantingtobekorra @sebastianstandoms @polarbearnamedpanda @learisa @1stladyofhell @lovemarvelousfics @bowties-and-wallflowers @fandoms-who@writing-in-winter @bitchy-ginger-1 @vechkinfan @amidblogger @iamwhoidecidetobe @winterquicksilver @bluethingsandmagic @ineedsleep-help @beckieandhertardis @mala-firebringer @this-is-happening @rosep16 @lovethroughthemiles @carrietoddrick @reallyfuckingangrylatina @vxidnik @attentionseekingprincess @charlotteannvogt @marvelouspottering @buckyssxxhair @absolukeyrh @tiasun897 @youtxbemusic @viioletdelights @part-time-patronus @falloutboywifey @drinkingwhileblogging @scarecrowsragdoll @elizabeth-rose771 @unicorntroope r@avenisselina @growingupnrealizing @rainbowkisses31 @darkblueeyedperson @buckysrcse @ani808 @cutiepiemimi13 @mariekoukie6661 @embarrassinqly @sweetboybucky @bookluver01 @yellow–springs @mad4oak @emilylovesmusic14@fallenaristocat @niall2017 @imfuckingnoone @classy-sassy-enjolrassy @aekr @idakohlen @tildaharoldsegna @coffee-laced-with-poison @lilmissperfectlyimperfect @iamtrashsry @lanavintagez @meganpringles8 @ptvrnike @lynnskata @introverted03tiff@musicfreak180 @4-a-m @thorslovechild @n7siha @fadingculturemuffin @stonecold-witharmheart @bucky-to-my-barnes @zombienaomi @uwu-sebastianstan @the-crime-fighting-spider @maddieisaacs @solarbarnes @adrd-n @i-know-i-can@dafnouche @jujurandy @angieptt @bringmetoawonderland @same–old-shit @hiorheybitch @yeeehet-yet @poodielover @alexrsa @buckybarneshairpullingkink @mybabys-gunsnroses @maddan-1518 @justbigthoughts @destielwinchester09 @cloudedbreath @watchoutforfrostbite @oxygennotincluded @danielabetancourth @willowtree420 @alitav99 @daynight-dreamer-stuff

[empathecary]

mun meme: stole it from my archived blog tagging: the dash, it’s munday, give me your ssn

NAME: rey STAR SIGN: aquarius/pisces cusp HEIGHT: 5′3" WHAT’S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? i’ve answered this before? but it’s just the letter D. it does stand for something but on all official records, it’s just the letter. PUT YOUR ITUNES SPOTIFY ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 6 SONGS THAT POPPED UP? chick habit - april march touch-tone telephone - lemon demon radio sound - argonaut & wasp summer in the city - the lovin’ spoonful throw down the roses - kate pierson dream sweet in sea major - miracle musical  (that’s a pretty good look at my music taste tbh) GRAB THE BOOK NEAREST YOU AND TURN TO PAGE 23. WHAT’S LINE 17? —-

“... come that make us happy, as we soon find out when we get used to our new income and discover that we won’t be happy again unless we’re making $40,000 a year.”

... cool.

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU? never. : ) WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR? i can’t recall? likely when i was pretty young. WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH?  i do not have one :u i crush on fictional characters.WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE; SOUND YOU LOVE? anything,,, wet or squelchy or squishy. i love the sound of crackling fire. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? def HOW ABOUT ALIENS? absolutely. i think it’s kind of silly to think we’re the only planet with intelligent life in our vast universe of endless galaxies. our brains literally cannot comprehend the infinity and beyond we are dealing with in that regard. there’s no possible way we’re the only planet with intelligent life. i refuse to believe it, sorry. DO YOU DRIVE? nah but,,, i better get on it.  IF SO, HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED? i don’t drive but I have been in a bad car accident wherein we hydroplaned across a 4 way intersection and spun out of control. luckily we only had bruises and the other person we hit was perfectly fine WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? i’m reading a book about disassociative identity disorder. it’s nothing terribly interesting, it’s all very clinical. DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF GASOLINE? i do actually. i always thought it was odd lol WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW?  last movie i saw wassss?? emelie. it’s on netflix. it’s not,,, great lol. i can’t remember the last movie i saw in theaters.  WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD? due to my heart condition, i fainted and hit my head really hard on concrete and gave myself a really bad cerebral contusion (different from a concussion). it means i bruised my brain! and i was diagnosed with having a mild traumatic brain injury. DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW? i mean, i have hyperfixations, not obsessions. i hate when they’re called obsessions. but yeah, dbd and film? DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE YOU WRONG? depends on who they are, what they did, if they apologize, and a whole lot of other factors. but generally i am too fucking tired to keep grudges and waste my time on people i dont like so. IN A RELATIONSHIP?  sOMEHOW with the most wonderful person in the world ;o;

[youhavejamsonkpop]

100 Questions Tag

thank you for tagging me @kochiniseokjinnie it took me almost 84 years to do it but here it is!

the meaning behind my url: basically comes from the meme: "Jimin, you got no jams". and like all of us in kpop we have jams, that's why I chose

a picture of me: I already posted a photo but I can not find it (thanks tumblr) but I promise that maybe I'll post another photo

how many tattoos i have and what they are: I don’t have any but I want to have in the future.

last time i cried and why: I don’t remember when it was, but it must have been because I was sad or revolted by something.

piercings i have: I don’t have (I only have normal earrings)

favourite band: bts and more in kpop, and some others (I don’t have proper favorites because I hear a little of everything)

biggest turn offs: when someone doesn’t believe me, injustices, prejudice, when someone annoys me, whuen someone doesn’t like animals

top 5 (insert subject):  things that I look first at someone (physical things): 1- eyes, 2-lips, 3-hair, 4-neck, 5-hands

tattoos i want: I want to do the "fingerprint" of my dog's paw and I wanted to do another one but I still do not know what it will be

biggest turn ons: funny people, cute smiles, necks (i love necks sorry), crazy people,  when someone laughs or smiles at something I said 

age: 19

ideas of a perfect date: I'm not picky about this sort of thing, if it's got to be a simple thing I'm going to like it, the most important is the person I'm going to be with

life goal: just a happy life with someone that i love (family)

piercings i want: I wanted to do it in the ears

relationship status:  very single, and waiting for a miracle (I'm laughing and crying too)

favourite movie: all Disney movies!!!!

a fact about my life: in my first years of school I didn’t talk to anyone, people even thought I was mute, not with my friends, only with my family. And I don’t know the reason...

phobia: Spiders

middle name: Ferro

height: 1,55m (5′1)

are you a virgin: No, I'm Sagittarius ... Joke! Yes, I'm a virgin.

what’s your shoe size: 37/38 (24/25cm)

what’s your sexual orientation: straight

do you smoke, drink or take any drugs: I just drink (not much) when it's a party or something

someone you miss: maybe my grandfather (I feel I was not very close to him but I still miss him)

what’s one thing you regret: nothing i guess

first celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: to be honest? BTS !! I can not! they are gods!!!!!!!!

favourite ice cream: cream and caramel

one insecurity: my body

what my last text message says: don’t ask why but it was from my mother and she said: "light the red candle"

have you ever taken a picture naked: well .... I have pictures when I was a baby when I was showering *shook*

have you ever painted your room: yes, pink and white, right now it's all in white

have you ever kissed a member of the same sex: I think not

have you ever slept naked: no 

have you ever danced in front of your mirror: well, I think so

have you ever had a crush:  obviously

have you ever been dumped: I don’t remember but I think not

have you ever stole money from a friend: no

have you ever get in the car of someone you just met: I think sometimes, friends of friends, friends of my parents etc.

have you ever been in a fist fight: no

have you ever snuck out of your house: no

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back: that’s my life!

have you ever been arrested: nope

have you ever made out with a stranger: I don’t

have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere: nope (I never did anything, jesus ... hahaha)

have you ever left your house without telling your parents: No, I always say I'm leaving.

have you ever had a crush on your neighbour: I just have a neighbor my age and I hate him .... I never talked to him but I hate him

have you ever ditched school to do something more fun: Yes, I have, and I confess that I still do, but rarely

have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex: Yes, with friends and cousins (sleepovers).

have you ever seen someone die: Never

have you ever been on a plane: no, but I wanted one day (I'd like to travel a lot)

have you ever kissed a picture: Me? of course not! ( Yes, I did....)

have you ever slept in until 3: probably already

have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now: yes I do!!

have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by: several times

have you ever made a snow angel: no.....:( I've never seen snow, it snows in my country but not where I live

have you ever played dress up: I think not (and I think I did not understand the question but it doesn’t matter)

have you ever cheated while playing a game: well...of course!! sorry not sorry ;)

have you ever been lonely: that’s my life sometimes

have you ever fallen asleep at work/school: It almost happened!

have you ever been to a club: yes, but I don’t like it very much

have you ever felt an earthquake: no, I only knew that an earthquake happened because my mother told me, because I have sleep so heavy that even the end of the world I will not feel

have you ever touched a snake: yes i do! and i love it!

have you ever ran a red light: no

have you ever been suspended from school: nope

have you ever had detention:  only the teacher put me outside the classroom because I don't want to respond to what she had asked

have you ever been in a car accident: I don’t think so, but I've already seen one that happened right in front of me

have you ever hated the way you look:  a lot of times, it's sad but true

have you ever witnessed a crime:  not that I remember

have you ever pole danced: No, but I admire who does it!

have you ever been lost:  sometimes... yes!!

have you ever been to the opposite side of the country: I already had, I was quite close to another country

have you ever felt like dying: no

have you ever cried yourself to sleep: yes

have you ever sang karaoke: i’m too shy :(

have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t: so many times

have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out of your nose: No, but I already spit yogurt from laughing

have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger: just sleep? yes! my parents, and my cousin

have you ever kissed in the rain: no :( I need this in my life.

have you ever sang in the shower: sing? no. dance? yes!

have you ever made out in a park: no (I need action in my life because I did not do anything!)

have you ever dreamt that you married someone: tha’s my life!!!!

have you ever glued your hand to something: yes, but nothing too serious

have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole: no, why should I do that?

have you ever gone to school partially naked: no! 

have you ever been a cheerleader: no i don’t,  in schools where I was,  We didn't have that

have you ever sat on a roof top: no

have you ever brush your teeth: yes, everyday

have you ever gotten too scared to watch scary movies alone: Yes, but I ended up seeing it.

have you ever played chicken: I really don’t understand some questions.

have you ever been pushed into a pool with your clothes on: no 

have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger: hot no, but beautiful and cute 

have you ever broken a bone: no 

have you ever been easily amused: yes!!

have you ever laughed so hard you cried: yes and I love when it happens

have you ever mooned/flashed someone: I went to see what it meant ... I hope I saw the right meaning! my answer is never

have you ever cheated on a test: yes, sorry but yes

have you ever forgotten someone’s name: My life is forgetting things.

have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real: I don’t think so but I would like to have this experience

give us one thing about you that no one knows: I already thought that I liked girls because I had never had a relationship with a boy, but I concluded that no, I'm just so shy to the point of not knowing how to act with boys (maybe I'm the female version of jungkook )

 :)) i’m tagging: @hopeworldsavedmylife @a-r-m-y-g-i-r-l @ham-tae @catarina-catycaty 

[grubus]

For the meme: Sivan, Tendai, Nur, MirrMirth because that's an epic name? And of course Mat!

HHHHHH HH H i kept forgetting to reply to this sorry

Full Name: Sivan DunesGender and Sexuality: Nonbinary, bisexual.Pronouns: They/ThemEthnicity/Species: Fasheer Nomad/HumanBirthplace and Birthdate: The Dunes, the desert at the edge of Fasheer.Guilty Pleasures: Sivan feels NO GUILT ever.Phobias: Claustrophobic.What They Would Be Famous For: made a ghost try and lick its own elbowWhat They Would Get Arrested For: BREAKING TENDAI’S HEARTOC You Ship Them With: Ade… and more, but mainly Ade.OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Lovis because of said breaking Tendai’s heartFavorite Movie/Book Genre: Murder mysteriesLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Tragic love stories.Talents and/or Powers: a good liar, can make you forget things for a brief amount of time. Is very much streetsmarts and good at convincing others to do dumb shit.Why Someone Might Love Them: they’re the cheerful shitstarter of the group, always daring someone to do something that ALWAYS leads to a plot point.Why Someone Might Hate Them: breaking Tendai’s heartHow They Change: From a cheerful little shitstarter to a stressed out, grimly triumphant person.Why You Love Them: They are a firmly grey morals character and it’s so, so fun to explore characters that knows they’re right but also knows they’re doing it the wrong way.

Full Name: Tendai MerloGender and Sexuality: cis male, bisexualPronouns: He/HimEthnicity/Species: HumanBirthplace and Birthdate: Storwick, the capital of Fasheer.Guilty Pleasures: drown him in honey and he’ll die happy. He is also secretly delighted to be super snarky at Lovis, which for some reason ALWAYS surprises her. He feels 2% guilt for that.Phobias: being aloneWhat They Would Be Famous For: someone who looked at a throne he had every right to take, and went YEEEETWhat They Would Get Arrested For: stole all the honeyOC You Ship Them With: Lovis! and mOREOC Most Likely To Murder Them: his hive-mate whose name I never rememberFavorite Movie/Book Genre: anything about beesLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: horror storiesTalents and/or Powers: can communicate with bees, can make you regret your decisions with ONE (1!!!) look, part of a hivemind network.Why Someone Might Love Them: he looks like a big teddy bear and acts like one 50% of the time.Why Someone Might Hate Them: 50% of the time he is 100000% snark and this might kill someone out of pure shock at the sudden verbal ambushHow They Change: he is a nervous busybody and then he’s a TIRED but somewhat comfortable and more chill busybody. (and traumatized)) )Why You Love Them: I love him because I like to traumatize the sweetest one and he, Tendai, is the sweetest one. and will be traumatized.

Full Name: Nur O´SideanGender and Sexuality: cis male, gayyyyyyyyyyyyy (insert seal)Pronouns: He/HimEthnicity/Species: HumanBirthplace and Birthdate: LuinderGuilty Pleasures: staring at Dunstan’s butt. it’s fan-ass-tic. Also shapeshifting into a small creature and being carried around by Dunstan, who realizes too late who he is carrying.Phobias: he is forever traumatized by reindeersWhat They Would Be Famous For: that one time he used his shapeshifting to make his dick biggerWhat They Would Get Arrested For: that one time he almost got himself killed making his dick too big to run away from the Evil Characters.OC You Ship Them With: Dunstan (and mooore))OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Dunstan. he is TIREDFavorite Movie/Book Genre: anything gayLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: horror stories. he and Tendai are partners in this.Talents and/or Powers: He is immune to any and all poison/venom etc. He can shapeshift parts of himself or entirely, but haven’t fully mastered it.Why Someone Might Love Them: he is a bit of an idiot but an honest idiot trying his best.Why Someone Might Hate Them: his first act as a shapeshifter was to make his dick bigger and do i need to say moreHow They Change: traumatized by reindeers and eager to get away from his village, turns into “look at my hot boyfriend haha wow oh wait right, murder stuff is going on oops”Why You Love Them: he’s DUMB and GAY and have BAD EYESIGHT

Full Name: MirrmirthGender and Sexuality: Male/Bisexual I guess??Pronouns: He/HimEthnicity/Species: Mirrn, tropical mirrnBirthplace and Birthdate: some weirdass tiny tropical islandGuilty Pleasures: fake a future vision to get out of trouble (being yelled at))Phobias: losing his packWhat They Would Be Famous For: can see future, past, present and somehow didn’t realize Hinto is 1000000% in love with him and that she always will beWhat They Would Get Arrested For: told the elder seer that they needed to have their eyes check which is, in fact, a horrifying insult amongst mirrnOC You Ship Them With: Hitno/Everyone in MirrMirth’s packOC Most Likely To Murder Them: Sam, mainly out of accident because Sam knows nOTHINGFavorite Movie/Book Genre: murder mysteries because he KNOWS all the plot twistsLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: love stories because humans are confusingTalents and/or Powers: see the future, past and present. Good at faking a vision moment. Good at driving Themba insane because Themba have no patience ever.Why Someone Might Love Them: MirrMirth is a sassy snarky seer who shamelessly and 100% support and love his packleader Hinto, and yet somehow doesn’t understand they’re both in love and basically married.Why Someone Might Hate Them: MirrMirth is a weirdass nameHow They Change: snarky seer becomes tired seerWhy You Love Them: his design is EPIC and @witchash is an amazing artist and the day i have the money to commission the whole pack in one art piece I WILL L L LL  

taia u already know mat. u... . . . . .i am tired taia 

[flashfuture]

Ganthet learned earth slang and can 100 percent using it correctly; but sometimes he doesn’t just to see Kyle’s face turn into the Perfect cringe but imagine the rest of the lanterns faces when they all hear Ganthet call Kyle a dumb twink to his face with a stoic face.

Kyle freaking out because he thinks his mum just insulted Hal by accident by inviting him to Christmas and Hal is over here being rather touched by the gesture. The thing he is stressed about is not getting the right type of gifts for the two of them.

I’m so sorry for this meme but:

Kyle: wise sage what is your wisdom?

Alan Scott: Be gay and stop crime.

Kyle: that’s a good wisdom.

I will never stop thinking about Kyle Rayner, local idiot, being in charge of the entire galaxy, I would cry that sounds so stressful. Though going from your own boss to subject to more than one wrinkly blueberry must have felt like a downgrade at times

Sksks a meeting in front of the whole corps and all the guardians

Kyle: I think sector 3548 could be leased on patrol

Ganthet: You dumb twink the civil war reignited since you were patrolling their last shut your mouth

Everyone else: 😳

And yes Alan’s wisdom of be gay due crime he totally stole from his son Todd.

Okay okay but Kyle absolutely had to pull this card

Guardian #10: Lantern Rayner you’re suspended from active duty until-

Kyle: I made you so how about you’re suspended from guardian duty and you think about what you’ve done

Guardian #6: Can he do that?

Ganthet: The twink has spoken

[ivyfics]

Writing prompts

I wrote this while on a plane months ago and totally forgot to do anything with it, so here we are. 

“Please, don’t.”

“I cannot believe this. After I told you not to.”

“Fuck that, fuck this, and fuck you.”

“Is that a teddy bear?”

“Wait, we’re dating!?”

“Dear God, what happened to your hair?”

“Uhm, I’m kind of lost and have no idea what to do.”

“Excuse me, you’re in the way.”

“Hi there, I’m the guy of your dreams.”

“Do you lift?”

“I swear, if you say bro one more time.”

“Easy there, cowboy.”

“Would you please, for the love of everything that’s holy, shut the fuck up.”

“You don’t deserve me.”

“Ah, but you see, I don’t care.”

“Is that a pig?”

“Move!”

“Just for tonight. Please.”

“Break up with me.”

“It was a bet? All of it?”

“The answer to that and every other question you may have is no.”

“Can I borrow your cat?”

“Wake me up inside.”

“That was my snickers, you asswipe!”

“Please adopt this puppy.”

“Try and stop me.”

“Remember when I said you were going to kill us?”

“He’s right behind me, isn’t he.”

“Run, before they get us.”

“Please, baby.”

“Hi, I’d like to introduce you to dignity. It’s obvious you haven’t met.”

“It’s about the principle.”

“Sing a song for me.”

“What are you wearing?”

“No officer, I have not seen a sheep around here.”

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life but sleeping with your sister is not one of them.”

“People lie. Get used to it.”

“Quick question. You like me, right? Because it feels like I’ve been making a fool out of myself.”

“Is the kitchen on fire again?”

“What am I supposed to say? Babe, FYI, vampires are real and I’ve kinda been feeding on you on accident for a month, my bad.”

“The carpet’s gone.”

“Uh, guys, I think someone stole our tree.”

“Merry fucking Christmas to me.”

“I’ve killed for this, and I’d do it again.”

“Go. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Who did what now?”

“I’m going to tape you to the floor.”

“Is that a gun? Why do you have a gun?”

“What’s a meme?”

“Murder’s not that bad. Right?”

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”

“I accidentally stole three candy bars.”

“Why is there a dog in my bed?”

“Loving you is a full-time job.”

“If you’re not already dying, you will be after calling me at two in the morning.”

“Can I pet your hair?”

“You’re so soft.”

“Aliens are not fucking real and no, I will not break into private property after midnight so that you can ‘prove it.’”

“Stop that!”

“Feed me carrots and perish.”

“I’d ask if you could get any lower, but we answered that question about three mistakes ago.”

“I can’t take this anymore. What are you doing?”

“Do you still love me?”

“I do what I want.”

“All I want to do right now is go to sleep, preferably with you, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“You’re nothing to me. Not anymore.”

“Oh, you’re up. You crashed into a wall so I carried you back.”

“Can we pretend this never happened?”

“Sorry, I don’t remember.”

“Be quiet.”

“Mind your own business.”

“Hands where I can see them!”

“I’m gonna go.”

“Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky. Maybe the floor will split open and swallow me whole so I can be released from the burden that is existing.”

“I crave death.”

“Leaving was a mistake.”

“Oh my god, I think I broke your nose.”