#and the real problem here is that the showmakers did not give us a conversation on the subject

[words-writ-in-starlight]

Keith (VLD) for the headcanon meme?

For this headcanon meme!

A: what I think realistically

Listen, I see and appreciate the hell out of the generalheadcanon that Lance has ADHD, but I propose ADHD Keith?  Like, hear meout here.  Fixated on aliens for his whole life, hyperfocused when he’sflying (pros in battle: very hard to shake him up; cons in battle: he doesn’talways react emotionally when or how he’s supposed to, which can be rough onthe others during a merge), prickly around most people but also v e r y attached to His People, and that specific combinationof “intense emotions that can burst out at unpredictable times”and “extremely controlled emotions when under pressure” tbh all of it justkind of reads ADHD to me.  Possibly because I myself have ADHD and ambasically just likethis terrible sword boy.  Especially the look on his face after he dumps amassive amount of information about his aliens theory at the start of the firstepisode–it just screams ‘fuckfuck fuck someone please shut me up I can’t stop talking and I can feel you getting annoyed with me’ which, like, same.

Unrelatedly, I feel like Keith knows how to pickpocket peopleand hotwire most vehicles.  He knows how to knife fight and he lives in ashack with no apparent form of income, and he definitely stole that hoverbikein the first episode.  He has some Weird Life Skills.  At some pointI expect this to become pertinent in the show with Keith boosting a spaceship.

B: what I think is fuckinghilarious

Keithscores a solid C in Emotions generally, but more specifically he just fucking sucks at noticing when someone’s interested in him.  Like,in terms of friendship and romance and/or sex, he just won’t notice.  Heand Shiro were hanging out on the regular in their big brother/little brotherrelationship for solidly eight months before Keith looked up from a book andwent “Wait, we’re friends” and Shiro was like “…yes?”

This is pertinent becauseLance, within Not Too Long, realizes that he’s actually pretty into Keith (he’s horrified, they are rivals, he can’t have a crush on Keith).  Once Hunk and Pidge–mostly Hunk, because Lance burstinto the kitchen yelling ‘SOS’ and once they got him to explain, Pidgelaughed so hard they gave themself a black eye on a table corner–talk Lancedown off the ceiling, he spends a while waiting for his feelings to go away andthen goes back to hitting on Keith casually at every opportunity, but WithIntent this time.  Keith, on the other hand, spends months being confused and distressed about the unidentifiablephysical sensations that being around Lance causes and that all translates straight into Prickly Mode.  Two conversations that happenwithin days of each other are:

> Lance telling Hunk,entirely depressed, that he just really thinks Keith hates him?  Like,clearly he has no shot there.  And Hunk is a good friend and they lie onthe floor while he listens to Lance go on at length about Keith.

> Shiro sitting Keith downand asking what’s wrong and listening to Keith’s mildly panicky outburst abouthow he DOES NOT UNDERSTAND what’s going on with him and he feels bad forlashing out at Lance but he can’t??? Stop???  And Shiro is justlike “Oh my god Keith you’re into him, you’re fucking into him and peopleon the other side of the star system know he’s into you, just fucking kiss himand see what happens.”

No one is more confused thanLance when Keith corners him alone and goes “I’m going to try somethingand if it’s a disaster blame Shiro” and walks up to Lance like he’s a wildanimal and just.  Fucking plants one on him.

Anyway, thesisstatement: Keith is a failure, and Lance is a disaster, and Shiro and Hunkdeserve plaques, and Pidge gets nothing because they believe that getting frontrow seats to this mess is it’s own reward. 

C: what is heart-crushing andawful but fun to inflict on friends

Keithhas always wanted answers about the mysteries of the world, but not like this. He has never been so bone-deep sickened as he is when he’s told that he’snot human, he’s Galra,he’s one of the monsters fighting to put the universe under a boot heel. On that shuttle trip back to the Castle, Keith locks himself in thebathroom and sits on the floor until he feels like he can open his mouthwithout hyperventilating or vomiting or both, and Shiro has to coax him out.

“Come on, Keith,” Shiromurmurs, once he’s gotten Keith to unlock the door.  He wraps his fleshand blood arm around Keith’s shoulders as a support, and Keith dimly thinksabout how Shiro tries to touch them with the Galra arm as rarely as possible. He gets it, now.  “Come on, Keith, let’s go.  We should be atthe Castle soon, it’ll be okay.”

“No, I–no, I can’t,” Keithsays, digging in his heels.  Shiro is easily strong enough to move him byforce, but he doesn’t, lets Keith press back against the wall again and makes asoothing sound under his breath.  “I can’t,” he says again.

“It’s okay, Keith,” Shirosays, and his voice is low and soft and calm, soothing even though Keithdoesn’t care to be soothed right now.  Something clutches hard in Keith’schest, and he hears a ragged keening sound as if down a long hallway, and ittakes him a moment to realize that it’s him.  “The others will understand.”

“I–they’ll be so angry,” Keithsays blankly, clutching weakly at Shiro’s vest.  “They’ll be right to be angry.”  His stomach lurchesand he might throw up if he had anything left.  “Allura will never speakto me again.”  He can see the look on her face already, the grief anddisgust and rage that twist over her face every time they face the Galra, andhe can’t see it directed at him, he can’t.

“They won’t be angry. The princess will understand that you didn’t know, and you’re a part ofthe team.”  Shiro gives his shoulders a squeeze.  “Come on, everyoneunderstood about me,” he says, clearly trying to be encouraging.  “Andyou’ve met the Blade, they’re good people.  Our allies.”

Keith can feel tears burningbehind his eyes and clenches his teeth against them.

It takes Shiro another twentyminutes to talk Keith out into the body of the shuttle, and another ten to gethim to walk out into the Castle dock.

D:  what would neverwork with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

Keith finds Allura a few hours after his heritage comes tolight.  She’s standing alone on the bridge, her hands folded behind her atparade rest, and Keith finds her by accident on his quest to find somewhere tostand alone himself.

“Hello, Keith,” she sayscoolly as he stops dead in the doorway, apparently identifying him withoutlooking away from the starscape.

“Um,” he says, wishing thathe could curl up and die instead of having this horribly awkward interaction. It takes a few tires before he can force another sentence through histhroat. “I can leave, I’m sorry.”

“The Castle is your home aswell,” she says, turning halfway to present her profile.  “Do as you like.”

Keith hovers in the doorway,frozen between the impulse to beg her to forgive him–please, please, he’ssorry, he didn’t know–andthe impulse to run and never come back.  Allura doesn’t say anything, andthe silence is tense and uncomfortable and he hates everything about it. He’s kept his gloves on all night, because whenever he looks down he seeshimself scratching at his arms like he’s trying to peel his blood vessels outof his body and Shiro had quietly recommended that he keep the gloves on sothat he doesn’t hurt himself.

“I’m sorry,” he blurts again. “I’m so sorry.  I didn’t know, that–I didn’t know.  We don’thave to, um.”

“Discuss it?”  Alluraturns her back on him again, but this time her shoulders curve as if she wantsto curl up on the floor too, maybe.  As if she wishes she wasn’t the lastof her kind–wiped out by his.  God, Keith is a monster.  “It is notyour fault, Keith,” she says, stiff and clipped, as if she’s trying to convinceherself.  “And the Red Lion chose you.  We are in a brief pausebetween battles and we do not have time to have elaborate conversations aboutthe finer points of the Galra, so.  I trust that you will not turn on us. Everything else can wait.”

“Right,” Keith whispers. The words should be reassuring.  He feels more like he’s beenstabbed in the gut.  “That’s good.”

After Shiro disappears, hefinds her on the bridge again, in almost exactly the same place.

“We must get him back,” shesays lowly.  

“I know,” Keith says. “We will.”

“Keith,” Allura says, andthis time when she half-turns to him, she beckons minutely, and he hesitantlysteps up beside her.  “I’m sorry, for the way I’ve treated you,” shewhispers, looking away from him toward the stars.  “You did nothing todeserve it.”

“I feel like I did,” Keithmutters.

“You had no hand in whathappened to Altea,” she says.  “It may take me time to let go of my anger,but.”  She sets her shoulders, looking over at him, and offers a tinysmile–the most genuine smile she’s directed at him since they found out. “If you bring Shiro back to us–back to me–that will go far.”

Keith stares for amoment, then allows a tiny smile of his own, and nods.